#i have such a bad headache but I need to cancel my appointment

[staryarn]

I LOVE BEING PUT ON HOLD FOR A GODLY AMOUNT OF TIME FOR A MEDICAL APPT

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Liability Part 4; Finale

Pairing: College Student!Rafe Cameron x Cousenlor!Reader

Summary: Rafe wakes up the next morning feeling extremely sorry and awkward, so much that he pulls himself out of his hangover to be on time to his therapy session with the reader. She's pretty shocked to see him but after a cathartic conversation, they talk more over dinner and things take an interesting but well awaited turn.

Warnings: S*M*U*T (fucking finally), swearing, trauma, angst, mentions of drugs and alcohol, MINORS DNI.

Word Count: 7.4k

A/n: I love this chapter. It took me so long to write because IT'S SO LONG and I think it's very much worth the wait. This one is directly dedicated to @tee-swizzle cuz she needs this more than anyone😌

Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3

Rafe, 

I know my couch is uncomfortable. Please don’t make fun of me if you wake up with a ton of pinched nerves and sore muscles. I work at a public college, I don’t get paid enough for a good couch. I also wanna say, please drink water as soon as you get up, I’ll leave a bottle next to you just because I really don’t want to have to clean up a ton of throw up when I get home. 

I’m also gonna go ahead and cancel your appointment this morning with me since I think you’ll probably have a pounding headache and an overwhelming hangover. I don’t want you to feel rushed or like you’re obligated to come, especially with what happened last night. I’ll write it on the report that you’re sick and spiking a fever, no one will ask questions.

Speaking of last night, we should probably never talk about it again if you think that’s for the best. You might not even remember (I hope you do though because that would be really awkward for me to have to explain why I’m so jumpy). I don’t want you to feel embarrassed because I know you were drunk and I don’t want you to feel bad or like you took advantage of me. I don’t regret bringing you home and hearing you out or giving you a place to crash. Please don’t be mad at yourself for being honest with me, I really appreciate that you came clean about some things and I’m hoping that you’ll start to do that more.

You can text me when you’re up, I’ll be back at 2:00. If you wanna stay on the couch all day, that’s okay too. 

I never would’ve thought Rafe would be a snorer. 

When I left this morning, he had an arm draped across his eyes, shielding the sun that was shining through the curtains from his face and his chest was rising and falling in simple breaths. He had shed his shirt in the middle of the night- which was a pleasant shock to wake up to- so the snoring wasn’t the only shock. I was shocked to see his sweaty, glistening chest in the sunlight, strong pectoral muscles twitching with every move of his body and it didn’t take me long to make the connection that he is an athlete and that I shouldn’t have needed the confirmation of seeing him without a shirt to realize that he’s, well, hot. 

It took everything in me to look away from him and pry myself out of my apartment, wanting nothing but to call off and baby him the whole day, ask him questions about his childhood, his mysterious daddy’s girl of a sister, his dad. I also fought the urge to go through his phone and pull out Josh’s number so I could chew his ass out for leaving Rafe in my care.

Or maybe I should be thanking Josh. 

I have no clue if Rafe will actually want to talk about what transpired between us, the way he looked at me- held me- and the way that his lips fit so comfortably against mine. I genuinely thought I was a bad kisser until he pressed his lips against mine and I felt myself giving up complete control, allowing him to guide me and, with the mindset that his control put me in, I would’ve allowed him to guide me all the way to my bed. Or the nearest flat surface. I want to know what he thought about it, what made him actually want to kiss me and if there’s more to our relationship than our professional one, even though that’s sort of a given at this point. 

It was hard to focus on my clients all morning, checking my phone every once in a while to see if Rafe had finally woken up (and didn’t asphyxiate in his sleep) and read my lengthy note but even now, as noon approaches, there’s no messages from him, zero. 

In a small moment of weakness, I decided that I wasn’t going to cancel his appointment, wondering and silently hoping that he would crawl his way to the campus and stumble onto the couch in front of me in time for his meeting but I’m starting to lose hope with every ticking minute of the loud, obnoxious clock behind me. Is this how Rafe always felt waiting for meetings to end?

My phone loudly buzzing beneath me has me jumping, waving one last time to the student leaving my office before immediately checking who the notification is from. A wave of relief washes over me at the realization that Rafe didn’t die of alcohol poisoning in the last few hours and my heart aches as I watch a plethora of messages come through from his end. 

Rafe: I’m so fucking sorry. 

Rafe: Please don’t hate me, I need you to not hate me right now.

Rafe: I’m such a fucking idiot. 

Rafe: I remember everything after we left the bar, but it’s all still foggy.

Rafe: What did I do? Are you okay?

Rafe: I see you reading my messages, please fucking reply. 

My fingers shake as they hover above the screen and I try my best to type out a half-assed reply, knowing it won’t help but it’s all that my brain can piece together right now. I all of a sudden can’t stop thinking about him sitting in my living room, looking at the spot in the floor where he had me pressed against the wall and hands exploring my body. I too can picture him there, laying on my couch, biting at his lip while staring, wide-eyed at the screen in front of him. 

I’m not mad. I don’t hate you. 

I press a hand to my chest, trying to ease the searing pain that sits right where my heart pounds, watching the bubbles appear and disappear on the screen. I can feel my heartbeat in my stomach as I lean back into my chair, attempting to get comfortable and try to calm myself down, telling myself that I’d be okay if all of a sudden he left my life but I’m not so sure I know if that’s true or not.

Rafe: I kissed you. 

“Fuck.” I mutter to myself, looking up from my phone and at the lava lamp in the corner of the room, trying to steady my breathing as I think of something to say, something that’ll be vague enough to dismiss that is happened but that will also give him the clear to talk about it if he wants to. 

I think it was mutual Rafe.

I feel like a middle schooler with the way that I’m giggling to myself, folding my legs underneath me in my chair as I shove my notebook off of my lap, reaching up to rub at my forehead. We could’ve gone on and acted like it never happened, that we didn’t slip into each other last night, almost too far. We would’ve continued our sessions and he would eventually be cleared to move on and never see me again. It could’ve been simple and we could’ve kept it professional.

So what is it about each other that makes it impossible to stay away?

My heart has to be going fast enough to kill me or at least send me into cardiac arrest, chambers pumping way faster than the rest of my body can keep up with and I feel my head wobble on my shoulders, finally resting my head against the wall for a moment with my eyes closed, waiting for the next buzz of my phone which comes shortly after.

Rafe: You kissed me back.

I snort, letting myself type the first thing that comes to mind but before I can, another message comes through that makes me laugh even louder, earning some looks from the students passing by my open door.

Rafe: Enthusiastically.

Mhm. 

I was more than enthusiastic to kiss him, especially once I realized how badly I needed to kiss him once his lips were on mine. It’s amazing that we didn’t fall into each other sooner but maybe there was something deep down in me that realized that there would be no going  back and it’s true. Now that I’ve kissed him- that I’ve tasted him- I never want to know a day where I don’t fall into his arms and give into him. 

It feels like an addiction.  

Rafe: And you’re not mad?

No.

Rafe: Are you just dismissing it because I was drunk and not in my right mind?

I pause, a chill running down my spine as my mind spins, wondering if he’s going to tell me how much he regrets how he got so drunk that he kissed me and how he never would’ve kissed me if he wasn’t so upset and vulnerable. Is this it? Is this the moment where my chest caves in and I have to end our professional agreement because I let a kiss make me feel so attached to him?

Were you not in your right mind?

Rafe: I wasn’t but, even when I’m in my right mind, I think about kissing you.

There it is.

The confirmation that it’s not in my head and that he wanted me as much as he’s always wanted me, alcohol aside. The same thing that brought him to the bar last night, the feeling that made him open up to me in the car ride home and the feeling that finally gave him the guts to kiss me. I could go with it, assuming that he doesn’t regret it and that he’d do it over again the same way if given the opportunity but there’s this annoying, nagging feeling that suffocates me to the brink of typing out my insecure question.

So you don’t regret it?

Rafe: Nope. Do you?

“Fuck, thank god.” I let out a breath of a relief that seems to pull the plug on all of my anxiety, my shoulders rolling as my chest deflates. All of the tension I’ve held onto all morning oozes out of me and I no longer feel the tension sucking the life out of my lungs. 

No. Do you regret telling me things about yourself that you would’ve normally kept to yourself?

I already know that his answer will be something along the lines ‘of course I’m mad at myself but whatever’, knowing that it’s for the best if I have as much information as I can, especially if we’re still on track to getting him help and figuring out what’s made him such a loose canon. If I had any guess, I’d say his dad is the flame and Rafe’s always been the loyal moth who gets burned when he gets too close. But, like anyone who wants validation from their abuser after years of abuse, he’d do anything to impress his father. 

Rafe: I’m a bit mad at myself but the cats out of the bag and I know you’re not gonna let it go.

You know me so well. 

His side goes quiet for a moment, bubbles popping up and disappearing again until everything stops and I huff, a frown tugging on my lips. I expected more banter, more playfulness or teasing about how willing I was last night but based on the desperation hinted in his first few messages to me this morning, his attention must be elsewhere. 

–

A knock on my now closed doors has my eyes flying open, drool on my chin being quickly wiped off and I take a second to look around, realizing I must’ve drifted off for a bit. I stumble up to my feet with a groan, running a hand down my face before opening the door. 

I can barely process Rafe standing in front of me before his arms wrap around my waist, tugging me up and into his arms in a bone crushing hug. My hands hover for a moment over his back, processing the fact that in just a half an hour, he’s here, in front of me, clinging to me like he needs me. 

He needs me.

In seconds of response time, wrap my arms around him tightly, fingers dragging up and down his back as his back rumbles in quiet cries. I try my best to bite back all of the questions- ‘how did you get here’, ‘why are you crying’, ‘what took you so long’- and instead, I press a simple kiss to the side of his head with a pained sigh.

“I needed to see you.” He mutters, head tilting so he can tuck his face in the crook of my neck, breathing me in as I do the same, finally feeling the tips of my toes touch the ground once more. He reaches back to shove the door closed with a loud thud, his hand cupping the back of my neck as I arch my body into his. I can feel his racing heartbeat and how his breathing mellows after a few moments of being in my arms but he doesn’t make any move to let go of me.

“I’m here.” I tremble, feeling his shoulders droop at my confession. He sniffles loudly and his arms finally slack from around my waist, settling me completely on the flat ground and he leans back to look down at me. His cheeks are flushed cutely and his beautiful eyes are lined with tears and an angry shade of red tints the whites of his eyes.

“I’m on time for our appointment. Did you cancel it?” He asks, reaching up to rub at his eyes.

“No, I was hoping you’d still come. Didn’t expect to be swept off my feet though.” I giggle, feeling him let go of me completely before taking a hefty step back, linking his hands in front of him as he awkwardly sways, suddenly recovering from showing such blatant emotion.

“Sorry, I just-”

“No, it’s okay.” I smile as softly as I can, hoping that he won’t take my surprise as disappointment and run out of here as soon as he gets the wrong idea. “Why do you look like you’ve been crying?” I ask softly, sitting down in my chair as he plops down onto the couch with a huff, running his hands along the top of his head with a sad laugh, sniffling loudly as I pass him a box of tissues. I had him in my arms and now he’s feet away from me. Too far from me.

“I was a mess in the taxi on the way here, poor dude didn’t know what the fuck to say to me.” He looks over at the lava lamp briefly and for a second I think he’s going to start crying again just at the realization that it’s lit and shining brightly beside him. Before he can break down again, I call out his name calmly.

“Rafe-”

“I need to talk to you.” He pleads, cutting me off, and his voice hints with a bit of desperation and I can hear that he’s so close to breaking. He looks up at me with a pitiful look that has my heart aching painfully in my chest. “I just need you to listen, no notebook, no snarky comments.”

“Okay.” I nod immediately, leaning back in my chair to get comfortable but he holds a hand up to me, swallowing deeply before a bashful look passes through his expression with a shy smile.

“Another thing-” He sighs, scoffing internally at himself as he scoots over on the couch. “Can you not sit all the way over there?” I can’t fight the excited beat of my heart as I think about being so close to him again, my body heating up and my thoughts running painfully fast but in all the best ways.

“Off the record talk?” I ask with a teasing grin.

“God, please just get over here.” He begs, and my body lifts immediately to step around the table that was separating us, lowering myself down beside him. I gulp at the way that his arm extends on the back of the couch beside me and I instantly turn my body and curl my knees up to my chest so I can face him.  “I don’t really know where the fuck to start.” He rubs a hand over his face and, to help, I reach out to place my small hand on his bicep, capturing his attention and seemingly calming him down.

He takes a deep breath before speaking.

 “When I was 10 my doctor thought I had bipolar or BPD or some shit. When they talked to my dad, he shut them down because he didn’t want them to know that the most well known guy in our town was actually beating the shit out of his eldest kid.” I can already feel the bile rising in my throat and I can tell that this talk isn’t going to be easy on Rafe but it’s also going to be nearly impossible for me to hear about him being hurt for so many years on end without any help or advocacy. “I knew that there was something wrong with me, Rose made snarky comments about it all the time, I asked my dad for help a lot- I told him that something wasn’t right. I was just so fucking angry all the time at everything.” His hands shake unsteadily in his lap and without thinking, I reach out to take his hands in mine, gripping them tightly as a reminder that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. “I’d key cars, I’d smash windows, I’d break shit, I’d beat the living crap out of people and there were always reasons but not that justified that big of a reaction.” 

“You were lashing out because of how you were being treated. You would’ve rather gotten negative attention than no attention at all. It makes sense, it’s valid.” He nods at my words but doesn’t seem to let them process, his chest rising and falling in a strained breath and I can tell he’s trying to muster an appreciative smile.

 “I started cocaine at like seventeen. My dad knew, he bailed me out a few times when I’d fucked up and forgot to pay dealers. He didn’t get me help, he didn’t offer me help. He just wanted me to shut the fuck up and stay out of his way. I could do anything I wanted if I just stayed out of his way.” Fuck he’s way worse than I would’ve anticipated. This boy needs years worth of trauma therapy. “Sarah hated me because I did such bad shit to her friends, things that I should never have wanted to do and she swore that I was just taking advantage of my dad. What she didn’t realize is that, every time he took his shit out on me, he wasn’t taking it out on her or Wheezie. They never saw it, they never saw how badly he had me fucked up. Rose did and she just didn’t care.”   

“Rafe you were dealt a shit hand from a young age and, though you claim to have done horrible things, you still protected your sisters no matter how they felt about you. That takes courage.” 

“I did everything in my capability to help without it being a nuisance. I did the bare minimum, I was lazy. And my dad was just getting so sick of dealing with me and getting me out of trouble so he told me, I had to apply to colleges and that he would pay for it but I had to get out of his hair and his house. I didn’t have an option.” He gulps, eyes meeting mine in a disheartened, broken look and I find my heart cracking in my chest. He looks so small, so helpless as he scoots impossibly closer to me, his arm now closing in around my back to rub between my shoulderblades. “It’s why I do the bare minimum to stay here to avoid making him mad but I never wanted to be here. When he found out about our sessions, he got afraid that I would open up to you about him and that a case would be opened up against him because Wheezie is still a minor and you’re a mandated reporter.” Dots connect in my head, dots that I should’ve put together before but I didn’t. “He wanted to beat it into me that, to keep the family together, I had to man up and suck it up.” His voice wobbles and cracks as a few stray tears escape his eyes, my hands immediately reaching up to cup his cheeks, thumbs brushing his tears away. He sinks into my touch, shoulders relaxing a bit as he leans into me. “Stop looking at me like that.” He mutters with a gentle, boyish pout.

“Like what-”

“Like you’re sorry for me.” His hand reaches up to rub at the back of my neck, thumb brushing beneath my ear, the touch soothing him. 

“I’m not as sorry for you as I am sorry for your dad when I stick my fist down his throat.” He cracks a smile finally, eyes fluttering shut in a brief moment of relief and I allow myself to finally relax against him, the tension in the air soothing a bit.

“I think that’s adorable.” He whispers, fingers fisting the back of my shirt as he leans completely into me, tucking his face into the crook of my neck once more. I rub his arm soothingly, hesitantly pressing a comforting kiss to his temple, lingering a bit against his skin. 

“You didn’t deserve any of it. Maybe you deserve to be in counseling, maybe you deserve some rough love- I don’t know. You don't deserve to lose a parent and then get the shit beat out of you for years on end.” He nods but I’m still not completely sure that it’s something that he believes. It takes years of trauma therapy to undo all of the abuse that he’s gone through and I highly doubt my words of encouragement will do much in the grand scheme of things. But if I need to be the first one to tell him that he’s loved and cared for and deserving of all the good things in life, then so be it.  “I don’t know about any of the bad things you did, I don’t want to know. What matters is that you make a conscious effort to not be that person anymore. If you need help, you get it. If you need to talk, you talk.” He nods once more and I can feel damp drops falling onto my collarbone but I choose to not say anything. “Are you still doing, uh…”

“No, not in a while, maybe a year.” He replies, reaching up to rub the tears from his eyes, sitting up with a loud sniffle. “I know I need help, I’m just not ready yet. Not until I know that I don’t have to go back to my dad, that I don’t need to rely on him anymore because if I try to get help now while I’m still so attached to him, it won’t help.”

“Okay. We’ll get you there when you’re ready.” His brows furrow briefly, confused at my words and my lips part, wondering if I said something wrong but before I can apologize, he speaks.

“We?” He asks, a little breathless and taken back, a slight red dusting to his cheeks.

“You think I’m gonna run away now that I know you’ve got some skeletons in your closet?” I tease, reaching out to pat his cheek sweetly, thumb brushing against his collarbone. 

“You don’t even know half of it.” He scoffs, eyes lowering to his lap in a bashful look.

“Are you still that person?” I ask and he shakes his head almost immediately.

“No.” I shrug and he scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re not freaked out?”

“Am I still here?” I ask him and he smiles softly, realizing the point I was getting at. “I’m still here, even after you cried and almost threw up in my mouth. My mouth, Rafe.” The memory hits him like a ton of bricks and he buries his face in his hands with a groan and a small laugh. 

“I would not have thrown up.” He mumbles into his palms and I can see the red blush crawling down his neck and beneath his shirt.  “You’re such a tool sometimes, god.” He reaches out to playfully shove me but I catch his hand, pulling him back towards me with a wicked smirk.

“You love it.” I whisper, holding his eye contact in my gaze and I can almost see his eyes clouding over, eyes flickering down to look at my lips. The memory of kissing him last night floors me and I fight the strong urge to lean towards him and kiss him senselessly.

“Yeah I guess I do.” He whispers breathlessly, swallowing roughly before blinking out of his haze. “Are you almost done here? I could, uh, buy us take out?” He offers with a bashful grin, his fingers slipping in between mine. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

– 

“You’ve never had wonton soup?” Rafe asks me, shoving a wonton into his mouth with his chopsticks, giving me an incredulous look from across the couch. I shake my head with a simple smile, taking a bite of my sesame chicken, humming at the delicious taste. “You wanna try?” Rafe asks, holding a wonton out to me by the ends of his chopsticks and when I reach out to take them from him, he backs away with a small tut. 

Shit. 

I bite back a wicked smile, leaning forward and parting my lips so he can feed the wonton to me with the most inappropriate look in his eyes, his gaze getting completely caught on the way that my lips enclose around the chopsticks. 

“Shit.” He mutters, watching me intently as I chew and hum, nodding my head with every bite. 

“It’s really good.” I nod, reaching out with my fork to stab a wonton out of his soup, plopping it into my mouth with a giggle. “Like really good.” 

“Glad you like it.” He grins, bashfully looking down at his soup as the TV noise fills the empty silence around us. I can’t stop watching him, eyes flickering between his eyes and his lips like and he does the same when he’s regained confidence to look back up at me with wide, eager eyes. We’re both completely and utterly enthralled by one another and, like a spell has taken over us, we set aside our food, acting like we’re done but we both know it’s because we’re ready to move on. There’s an awkward moment that passes both of us wanting to make a move but unsure how to and I know that it’s going to take him making the first move for me to feel his lips on mine.

When our lips meet after a few moments, I can already tell that I won’t stop kissing him until I’m out of breath. I just want to be close to him, feel him on me, his lips, anything. His hands settle on my hips, pulling me firmly on top of him as I gasp quietly. The kiss is messy, needy, like we had been needing this for weeks and we have, the kiss last night was barely anything to hold us over. The minute his lips left mine last night, I’ve been waiting and dreaming of the moment where he’ll finally kiss me again and, given the hungry urgency behind his lips, I can tell he feels the same way.

Like I need air, water, I need him against me. 

I moan quietly as his hands slip down, winding around my thighs to hoist me further on top of his lap before flipping us over on the small couch. I squeal with a giggle, my head falling back as he drops down on top of me, strong arms caging me in. 

He’s on me in a minute, his body sliding on top of me as his lips find mine. I grip the back of his shirt, feeling his lips parting gently to deepen the kiss and I whimper as his lips leave mine just seconds later, trailing down to my neck as his hands wander under my shirt, cold fingertips making my arch up into him. He curses against my skin as his eyes flutter down to my parted legs that he fits so perfectly between, his fingers skimming against the material of my leggings. I watch him with parted lips, the room suddenly feeling ten times more heated.

“I can’t stand you wearing these.” His hands slip under my shirt to splay across my lower stomach, pushing up my shirt right under my breasts. His fingers dance against the skin of my abdomen, a shiver running down my spine as I arch into him, begging for him to do more of anything other than this simple teasing. His fingers gently slip lower and my head throws back in frustration as he dips his fingers into the waistband of my leggings, slipping beneath them completely as I let out a pathetic gasp. He moans quietly, my eyes dancing down to watch him palm himself gently and he looks back up at me, his eyes needy and his cheeks flushed. Without a second thought, he pulls his shirt over his head, a huge grin breaking out across my face as I tug him down to me. “I forgot you're a needy one.” He chuckles against my lips as I pinch his side, earning a quiet hiss from him.

“Shut up and fuck me, Rafe.” I whisper simply, his head pulling back to look at me with wide, teasing eyes, blue hues nearly completely taken over by his blown pupils, lined with lust and adoration. I shrug playfully and slowly at him, his head dipping in a quick head shake. Keep him on his toes, right?

“Are you sure you can handle it?” He taunts, his lips lowering to press against the hollow of my neck and I let out a breathless laugh, my fingers reaching up to grip onto his shoulders as he sinks his teeth into my skin. “You’re kind of loud.”

“I was pretty quiet thinking about you the other week.” I whisper, lying through my teeth but I know it’ll drive him crazy and it does, his kisses stalling as he sits up, his eyes dark and mischievous. In one fluid motion, my leggings and shirt are off and on the ground. My hands help him slip out of his pants as he laughs, leaning forward to press a kiss to my forehead, loving my greediness.

When he makes his way back between my thighs, nestling in so the outline of cock is pressing against my core, I moan, the feeling of him against me has my mind spinning and his hand gently reaches up to rest on my cheek, bringing me back to him, and his lips press against my other cheek, the skin heated beneath his lips.

“You’re mine...” He whispers, his hand slipping down my thigh to hoist it over his hip. I nod with a grin, my arms wrapping around his neck tightly. I’m not in the mood to play or tease him, I just want to feel him and to know that his words are true. “You’ve been mine. You’re all I think about.” He whispers, his lips skimming against my neck as I whimper, my nails digging into his shoulders as an anticipatory anxiety fills my belly. His hand gently ventures under my bra, his fingers kneading my breast as my hips twitch up against him and I pray he’ll get the hint to stop teasing and to get on with it. Getting the hint, he moves away from me momentarily as I take the time to catch my breath, listening to him  fumble with his boxers that are discarded onto the floor in a moment.

He’s slipping in me almost instantly, his hips stilling as he bottoms out and all I can do is whine.

“Fuck, Rafe- so good.” I whimper, my eyes fluttering shut as I cling onto him, hugging him tightly as his fingers reach around my back to unclip my bra, yanking it off of me as he breathes heavily. His lips move to focus on my breasts, lips skimming and tongue swirling around my peaked nipples, alternating back and forth between breasts as I whine and writhe against him. I tuck my lip between my teeth as his hips start moving, a small sigh leaving his lips as he thrusts. My hands find his cheeks so I can look up at him, wanting to capture every image- every smile, every blink, every whimpered gasp that escapes him- I want to engrain it in the parts of my mind that I can tuck away and keep with me forever, needing him close and needing to comfort that he offers me for the rest of my life. His eyes flutter closed from pleasure, head falling to rest on my collarbone and my lips press against his cheeks in quick, reaffirming kisses.

His thrusts are steady and controlled but he’s ever so deep, my walls hugging them like he was made to be inside of me, fitting my body like his lock to my key, and I can feel him slowly opening up with every thrust. His body relaxes a bit against mine, shoulders slacking as he drops a bit of weight onto me and I take it willingly, loving and memorizing the feeling of his weight on me. I love the sound of his moans and breathy whimpers so much that I feel myself biting my tongue to listen to him.

“Don’t be quiet.” He whispers, his lips capturing mine in a brief kiss and  I nod, realizing that I wanted to hear him but didn’t even think for a moment that he might want to memorize my moans, the way my body moves- I’ve been depriving him. Poor man. I contemplate saying something snarky in return but instead I feel his fingers slip down in between us so that he can rub sensual circles against my clit as I squeal, his hand flying over my mouth with a chuckle. “C’mon, loudmouth- I know you can do better than that.” He taunts breathlessly, his hips snapping against me with such power it has me seeing stars, possibly from the lack of oxygen or just from the intensity of his thrusts and the electricity that’s sparking between the two of us. Between that and his skillful fingers, it wouldn’t be long before I was completely done for, him following closely behind I’m sure. “Fuck, so wet.” He groans, finding my lips in a messy kiss as I feel every vein of him thrum against me, arousal-filled  blood pumping through us at an unholy pace.  “It was so hard not to just tear your clothes off and fuck you dumb on that stupid couch at your office.” I mutter a quiet ‘oh my god’ at the thought of him sitting there across from me, wondering what it would be like to touch me because I was doing the same. I was sure I was going to hell for it but…  “You wanted me just as bad didn’t you?” More, I wanted you more than you could ever imagine. I want you more than you could ever possibly imagine.

“Yes, Rafe.” I moan, fingers skimming up his back and all the way up to his hair, dragging my fingers along his scalp which draws a long, drawn out moan from him, his hips snapping harder into mine as his hands grip my hips, slamming into me full force. He leans up onto his knees so he can look down at me, spine straightening as his eyes widen, watching my breasts bounce with every filthy drag of his cock.

“Yeah? Tell me how much.” He orders and I blank, dirty talk coming up completely and utterly short just when I need it. For all the times I imagined this, I wondered if I would take control and have him completely at my mercy- I was so off because I can barely form words as I watch his abs tense and his jaw grind as he gawks at me.

“I wanted to ride you- fuck.” I get cut off by a firm slap to my thigh, core twitching around him at the sensation and he chuckles, hand soothing up my stomach and past my sternum, fingers gently wrapping around my throat in a simple move that has me clenching hard around him and it almost has me spiraling towards my orgasm too soon.

“Go on.” 

“Wanted you to choke me, call me yours.” It’s as if he reads my mind because he lets out an incredulous laugh at the position we’re already in, fingers tightening their hold just the slightest bit as I gasp, eyes rolling to the back of my head and I struggle to find the right words.  “I just wanted you- want you. Fuck I can’t think.” 

“You just wanted me to take care of you, huh?” He asks, suddenly slowly his thrusts drastically and I feel myself trying to chase the speed he once maintained, hips wiggling to find any sort of friction.  “Take care of you like you’ve taken care of me?” He slides back down on top of me, hands caressing my cheeks as his lips press gentle, bashful kisses to my cheeks, my nose and finally my lips.  “I’ll take care of you, baby- I’ve got you.” 

The pace that he takes next is brutal, snapping against my hips in a calculated way as shameless squeals leave me, his deep grunts only spurring me on. “Rafe, shit, I’m close.” I whimper, tears pricking my eyes as I throw my head back, my hands gripping onto his shoulders as much as I can to help myself stay grounded firmly to the couch, fearing I’ll twitch and tremble right out of his grasp. His fingers don’t stop against my clit, rolling it gently, as his thrusts slow drastically once more, his movements subtle and deep as my thighs tremble. “Please.” I plead, my jaw dropping in a silent moan as his nose nudges mine.

“Was that a please?” He asks with a small laugh and my head bobs in an obedient nod. He presses a gentle kiss to my lips and he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me up and towards him as I squeal at the new angle, the new feeling taking me over completely. He swallows my loud moans with his lips, messy, open mouthed kisses that leave me hurtling towards the burning heat pooling in my abdomen and his own groans increase as my walls flutter around him. “Come on, I wanna feel you cum.” He whispers breathlessly, my chest heaving out a breath as I topple over the edge, my lips detaching from him as I mumble incoherently. 

I tuck my face into his neck as I tremble, feeling him fill me up effortlessly and quietly as he falls over the edge soon after, the feeling of him seeping out of me-  dripping down my thighs- it makes my whole body, my mind too, feel so warm and fuzzy. Complete. I feel as if my whole body is vibrating and I cling to him, his weight resting onto me as he catches his breath. He stays inside of me, warm and safe as his arms wrap around me, hugging me nearly as tight as he did earlier when he surprised me at my office. I smile softly, my hair sticking to my cheeks as I press a simple kiss to his freckled shoulder, never wanting to leave his side again.

I love the feeling of his bare skin against mine. 

I can feel it lowering my heart rate, calming my mind and my once rapid breaths. I could get used to this hazy feeling of being pressed against him, his cock softening inside of me as we made a mess of my couch, not caring for one second that we’d have to address our feelings later on.

He pulls away from me gently, a bashful smile on his lips as I giggle, reaching up to cover my face out of embarrassment. He lets out a similar shocked laugh, his forehead resting on my collarbone as we laugh together. I shake my head, the fact that we just did that shocking me to my core. “Fuck.” He whispers, his eyes flickering around the living room as he looks down between us, licking his lips as he thinks for a moment. “Stay still, don’t make a mess baby…” He trails off, both of us suddenly aware of the feeling of a familiar substance dripping out of me and onto the couch beneath us. “Bathroom?”

“Uh, yeah, over there.” I motion to the door on the far side of my wall, a quiet sigh of relief leaving his lips as he picks me up in his arms, cradling me to his chest without slipping out of me.

As we get cleaned up, I watch him intently with a soft smile, leaning back onto the cool counter beneath me as he cleans himself up, occasionally looking over at me to toss me a playful wink. There’s something so domestic, so wholesome about this moment right now, both of us in our most vulnerable forms with bright, flushed smiles on our faces. He catches my watchful eyes every once in a while, a shy smile on his lips but, even under my heated gaze, he's managed to pull his boxers back on and hand me his shirt to put on, his back muscles flexing as he rests his arms against the counter beside me. I urge him to step between my legs and he does, back in the same dangerous position we were in on the couch nearly twenty minutes ago. I wrap my arms around his neck, linking my ankles behind him as I smile softly, giving him a playful tilt of my head, almost saying ‘what next’?

“You good?” He asks, lips pressing against my forehead and he lingers, breathing my closeness in. 

“More than good.” I whisper, my eyes fluttering away from him as I chuckle bashfully. “Fuck that was like really hot, wasn’t it?” I ask with heated cheeks and his eyes rolling playfully at me as he scoots me towards the edge of the counter, his hips fitting even closer between my thighs as he grins.

“Yeah, really fucking good, doc.” He whispers, the nickname forcing my eyes to roll but my sass is quickly disregarded at his lips pressing against mine in a short kiss. “You’re mine.” He adds once more, more sternly than the last time he said it but it only makes my smile grow wider and I nod my head quickly, knowing every word is true. “Say it.” He orders against my lips, my hands cupping his cheeks as he waits patiently.

“I’m yours, Rafe.” He snakes his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug and, smiling like an idiot, I hold onto the happy man- my happy man- in front of me, both of us just happy. 

Both of our paths led us here, right now, to this moment. All of the fights with his dad, my troubling college days, getting harrassed at the bar, Rafe being shipped off to a college he thought he’d hate, keying a professor's car- it led us to one another so how could we possibly complain? 

Rubbing his back gently as he holds me, I can’t help but to throw all consequences, giggling to myself as I whisper, “so how about that pay raise?”

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the heart @vampviolets@haylee-e @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife

@officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr @aaaaslaaaan @witxhy-lexx @minjix @luvroseee @tee-swizzle @savageneversaw @admiringlove @hysteriahall @piceous21 @starlightandfairies @igotmajordaddyissues @drewstarkey-wife1 @manyfandomsfanvergent @revesephemeres @bungunz

[timeoverload]

This week is going to be terrible and boring. I still don't feel great. I went to work this morning to get a covid test. My temperature was 99.9° so they couldn't send me home for that since it has to be 100° or higher. I had to wait 30 minutes for them to read my test. I didn't expect to have a positive test so I was planning on working anyway. The nurse called me to tell me I was positive and that I needed to leave. This is the second time I have gotten covid that I am aware of.

Normally I would be happy about having unexpected time off, but this is like the worst timing. I can't return to work until Tuesday. I won't have any PTO left. I don't think I even have enough to cover this week so I won't be getting paid for part of it. I already know that I probably will have to cancel my request for next Thursday. My boss already approved it so I don't know what is going to happen. I am not sure about the 26th yet. I hope I don't get written up. It shouldn't be so stressful to be sick.

I have to go next Friday even if I am tired. I will have Monday off too so I think that will help me to not feel so shitty at the end of the week. I might not get another chance to see you for a while if I don't go to see you next Friday. I'm not going to cancel my appointment for the 26th since it is still a month away. I don't want to upset you so I really hope things work out.

I don't feel quite as bad as I did yesterday. I think the headache and the body aches are the worst part. My eye sockets hurt. I'm not sure how to explain it. I had a feeling that I had covid yesterday because my bones felt like they were being crushed and that's how I felt last time. Food tastes weird. Hopefully my fever doesn't increase. I still don't know where my thermometer is. I'm glad I'm not having a lot of respiratory issues. I have a cough but it isn't that bad. I'm not having any issues breathing. My throat is a little scratchy but it could be worse. I definitely sound sick but I'm not congested.

Since I am being forced to stay home for a while, I should be able to build up the strength to get some cleaning done. It's hard to feel relaxed in here. I would like to be able to find things. I just need to fill up some more boxes to get stuff out of the way. I haven't accomplished much lately so it will be nice to be productive.

I'm not sure what I will do the rest of the day because I am sore. I think I will need to go back to bed at some point. I was trying to find something new to watch but nothing is exciting me. It's so frustrating. I haven't been in the mood to watch anything other than documentaries for a while. There aren't any movies that I want to watch. People will give me suggestions and then I forget them and brain dump them right away. I would like to read a book or something. Every time I try to start reading again, I get bored with it pretty quickly. I used to read so much when I was in high school and I really enjoyed it. I want to make art, but I don't know what kind of art I want to make. I don't know where to start. I don't know what my problem is.

I guess I should try to rest now. I wish I had someone to keep me company because this is depressing. I guess I will cuddle with the cats. I hope I can make it a good week somehow.

I hope that everyone else has a good week and that you all stay healthy. :) 💖💖💖

[weird-dude]

I had group therapy today and it was to much. Not in a "okay yeah just chill 2hours after this" to much but the "i need 3 days to recover from this" to much. And i think I have to cancel my other appointment tomorrow 'cause I just can't handle it. I had such a bad headache from group therapy everything was too loud, too bright, too warm, too "smelly" just way too much tho..

[acasualcrossfade]

Someone to Stay

Sicktember Day 9: White Coat Syndrome

Stranger Things: Steve Harrington/ Eddie Munson

Words: 500 | Rating: T | CW: brief mentions of blood, needles, physical abuse, terrible fathers/ parents

@sicktember

Summary: Steve hates doctor’s appointments for many reasons. Eddie has a few ideas about how to help.

Find me on Ao3!

--

Steve stared at the circled square on the calendar for today’s date with a sinking feeling. The scribbled words were loud and clear.

Doctor’s appointment.

He hated the doctor’s office. The sharp smell of sanitizer, the white walls that made him feel claustrophobic…He wished for a way out of it. It helped that he couldn’t eat because of his blood draw; he doubted his stomach could handle anything.

“We leave in five,” Eddie called from the kitchen. 

“Can’t we just cancel?” Steve asked. “The headaches aren’t that bad.”

“Steve, they aren’t headaches, they’re migraines,” Eddie said, coming to place a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “And you’ve been getting them almost weekly.”

“I’ve had them for years,” Steve grumbled.

“Not like this,” Eddie reminded him gently. “I know you hate needles, but what is it about the doctor’s office?”

The childhood memory flashed in Steve’s mind and he caught snippets: the nurse with a tray of seven immunizations for his check-up, the way he’d fit himself behind the vending machine to hide, his father’s grip on him to pull him back in to the exam room, the force in which his father held him down as the nurse jabbed Steve with needles. Steve remembered the way he’d cried continuously afterwards and his father’s hot slap across his cheek to stop your tears. 

Steve swallowed down the sour taste in his mouth. He hadn’t described much of his childhood and he hadn't talked about the many doctor’s visits that ended with his parents arguing. They’d pick him up from the appointment and spend the car ride home nipping and digging at each other about what Steve’s results meant for sports and scholarships. Or worse, they’d be in a tight silence the whole way home, his father braking the car hard enough to make Steve carsick. 

“Just, don’t really like them,” Steve responded lamely.

“Is there a way I can help?” Eddie asked softly.

“It’ll be okay,” Steve sighed and nodded at the clock. “We’ve got to go.”

Eddie tugged Steve’s sleeve. “We’ve got a few minutes for this, hang on.” Eddie paused. “Maybe something for the waiting room? You still playing Animal Crossing on your Switch?”

Steve met Eddie’s eyes. “Yeah, you’d bring yours?”

“Course, that way I can play while I wait,” Eddie responded. “Maybe I can show you my new garden before you head in."

“You’re staying? I thought you had errands or something.”

Eddie gave him a look. “Yeah, I’m staying. No way I’m leaving you in there all alone.

Steve felt his face flush and a smile play at his lips. The thought of Eddie in the waiting room, not beside him but in the same building, simply nearby, melted the tension between his shoulders.

“And I’ll grab some snacks for after. We still have extra from watching Holly last week.” He stroked Steve’s cheek before heading to the kitchen. “You like Teddy Grams?”

Steve felt comforted. 

Maybe that’s what he needed all along. 

Someone to stay.

[nobodysdaydreams]

The Mysterious Benedict Society Liveblog Season 2 Episode 8 "A Two-Way Street"

Alright, let's just cut to my worst fear: this finale description sounds very final, and I really really hope that this is not the last season and they just couldn't get SQ's actor back or the funds to continue and are ending it right here. If that is what is happening, it's hardly the show's fault, and it won't be the first time a hyper-fixation was struck down prematurely. Who knows. Maybe this time instead of deleting my accounts and vanishing into the night, I'll actually use this account for the next fixation. I already have one that's coming back that I think some of you might like, but that's a subject for another day. I will be sad if this is the last season, but in the event that this episode throws in a cool twist that keeps me invested, I will also be giving an appropriately unhinged rant which I know is why you are all here, so either way everyone wins. On to the episode.

1:00- Ah morning, is Curtain up? Oh yikes, he's gonna wake up with a massive headache after Milligan turned the van like that.

2:00- well well well. Nicholas and Constance please their joy is too much. Wait her name is actually number in this universe? "MOM HAD BEEN BRAVE ABOUT YOUR ABANDONMENT". Okay, side note: your children, grandchildren, nieces/nephews, etc. cannot "abandon" you. You can say they decided to cut contact with you or put up boundaries. But "abandoned", really? You're the adult. Already skeptical of this family. What is with this family's names.

3:00- HAHA- not Jillson/Jackson and Jeffers fighting over authority. I love their sideplot. If the show is cancelled I will happily support their spin-off show. Oooo... "interim director" and he said it so carefully too look at Jeffers throwing fancy titles around. "Self-appointed" oooo burn.

3:20- Awe, he said he's very proud of number 2. I'm glad Nicholas is looking out for her.

4:45- "I'm gaining so much understanding" Yes that's how I feel when I meet my friend's families. Milligan gets it.

5:40- Is Reynie advocating for um... "ending Curtain"? Thank you Ms. Perumal.

6:10- speaking of, there he is fast asleep. What a weird way to wake up. PFT- inspired. "Betrayed" oh calm down Curtain. "that's beneath you" YOU DID EXPERIMENTS ON KIDS CURTAIN. "Away from the yes men" That's what I've been saying!

7:00- It feels so good, but it's bad. Nicholas does have a clear view. Is he overcoming the brain washing? Haha... "it's more like 12 miles" Curtain does do his homework.

8:00- Wait Curtain actually cares... oh no. Well, there you go Curtain. You can escape while the theme song is playing. Maybe you can find the son that you totally forgot about. Unless Nicholas is faking it to see how you react.

9:30- Lol, the mom wants grandkids. Wait "chaotic out there" are they doomsday preppers? Wow, she didn't send letters or answer calls. "new people: terrible prioritizes" YOU JUST WANT HER WORKING THE FARM. Don't like number 2's mom.

11:30- "Can I offer some observations" "mind tricks" lol

12:00- "I need you to wake up" oh Curtain is gonna lose it

12:30- "Everyone perhaps except Constance" wait if she goes back to the house, then we'll have our family reunion, we just need SQ and the whole Benedict crew is there.

13:00- "A lovely 2,000 piece jigsaw puzzle" well that should keep her busy. I love that they are showing the puzzle in the montage.

13:45- "Please I don't know what to do" "Somehow if I could convince you it was good you'd think I was good" oh yikes, this could be the last season. Curtain's redemption arc isn't due for a while. He isn't falling asleep though so he must still be holding something back.

14:50- Wow Constance has done great work on that puzzle. Honestly impressive. She really does have a gift.

15:00- They've arrived! Time for home-alone style traps. I love that the traps didn't work on Jackson and Jillson. They really should be promoted.

16:00- "you tricked me" see now he feels betrayed. "the only way to get through was if you thought you lost me" yikes. Oh, the device worked? That's actually pretty clever. "It changes nothing" "I don't believe you that was real". Awe Nicholas apologized for the blowdart.

17:00- Wow that shot where you think Curtain might try to hug him and he just moves past him to look out the window. "They're here" oh Curtain don't be so ominous only one van got through, wait where did all these people come from.

18:30- "Stand down" "I've been Possibly approaching things the wrong way". Well that is an understatement. "Blinking in code" oh my gosh Jackson. "Please discover who you are": That line was meant for SQ. I wish he was here. Oh dear, he broke them. Oh no, are Jackson and Jillson gonna start a cult? Okay Jeffers, go off.

20:30- SHE NEVER FINISHED THE PUZZLE. NO.

21:00- "Insert an electrode" "well there are worse things" it's nice to see Curtain hasn't changed much. Even as a 'good guy' he keeps his personality. I think he and Constance would get along great.

22:00- Maybe you could restore Constance's happiness by promising a third season. And no, Nicholas you make her happy. "Remember when you broke the Whisperer with your brain, good times" *cuts to Curtain* I love it.

23:20- Insulting people makes Constance happy. Very good Reynie. Get Curtain to admit he's a theater kid. That will do it. OH MY GOSH NICHOLAS' MONOLOGUE, BAH HA HA- Curtain's like "ok Nicky, a bit much".

26:00- "Thank you for saying goodbye before you abandon us again" ma'am please get help for your abandonment issues, do not project them onto children.

26:30- Okay so Curtain is unfreezing his followers. Is he gonna finally see his son again? OR MENTION HIM? HELLO? Honestly, I think Curtain might have also faked (or understated) his redemption since Nicholas faked his brain-washing. And Curtain didn't fall asleep. Don't think I missed that.

27:45- Awe they're wrapping all the little conflicts up. Except SQ's. Yes I'm still mad. Don't play the happy music, that boy could be at the bottom of a well right now. He could be frozen. Well, I guess that doesn't matter because they won a wood-cutting competition and Sticky wrote Reynie a letter.

29:30- YES THEY ADOPTED THE ALPACA. Who knows what happened to SQ, but at least the alpaca made it out ok. Also, Constance's letter is fantastic.

30:00- Is she going to be adopted now? Oh, we're doing this? We're getting Constance's parents? Season 3 let's go!

30:30- "well I look 46" okay Curtain. "joining the society". Perfect, now we can have the Curtain/Constance banner I want- wait. WAIT WHAT. WHAT. WHAT.

Uh oh, looks like the director saw the fourth season of Sherlock and was like "oh I want to do that, but better, like actually develop it. Maybe that will distract from the fact that SQ's actor stormed off the set". THAT's IT?

Well, consider me fully re-invested. I have so so so many thoughts and will be blogging like mad the next few days so be prepared.

But for starters, why is Curtain not in jail? Redemption is nice but he still kidnapped and brain-washed people and ran experiments on children. Maybe I should give an emotional speech to the cops about family and learning lessons next time I get pulled over and they'll let me drive off without a ticket.

Also, is SQ at college? I swear they'll get the actor back for like season 5, and be like "he was in art school the whole time". (I actually have multiple theories on how he comes back into the plot, will be making posts)

Anyway, that's all. Must dash. Hope you enjoyed!

[4joonkookie2]

♡ Pillow Princess (ch.1) ♡

Pairing: Namjoon x Jungkook

Words: 2.8K

Summary: Namkook are in love, but they have no idea (And they were roommates).

♡♡♡

Namjoon stares at his computer screen for the umpteenth hour, plagued by writer's block. His deadline quickly approaches, but his progress stands where it did a week ago.

The block first started in his mind, weighing it down with a headache. Now it’s sunken into his body, making his muscles tense and sore.   

The phone rings and he’s grateful to be distracted. 

“Hey, where are you?” Jungkook's voice asks from the receiver. “You said you were gonna workout today.”  

“I planned on it. I still have so much to do, and the deadline is tomorrow.” 

“Still stuck?” Jungkook sympathizes.  

“Very,” Namjoon sighs and runs hands through his hair. 

“Take a break, clear your mind,” Jungkook chirps. 

Namjoon knows he’s right, but has a sneaking suspicion. “How bored are you?” He asks, knowingly, and Jungkook cracks.

“Ugh, so bored,” he whines. “It's so dead and my 5 o'clock canceled.” Namjoon laughs to himself, glad for a brief moment of lightness as Jungkook continues his plea. “Please, come keep me company at least.” He delivers his best pout through the receiver.

And Namjoon can't resist the pout, not even through the phone.

“Give me ten minutes,” he says before hanging up. 

Namjoon joined the gym and started working out seriously at the end of his last relationship when things were looking bad. It was his way of breaking out before he actually could. 

He met Jungkook for a few personal training sessions and they became fast friends. Jungkook was there to lend an ear when Namjoon’s relationship finally ended and helped make sure he kept up his fitness progress. 

When Namjoon’s boyfriend moved out, Jungkook moved in. They agreed to try it for a few months, since he needed a new place and they got along well enough. It’s working well. Jungkook is gone most of the day, working at the gym and usually working out himself after. It allowed plenty of time and space for Namjoon to work from home as a writer.

He enjoys Jungkook’s company at home, too. He wasn’t expecting it, but the friendship is nice and has been helpful to his healing. 

He bikes to the gym and upon entering, makes his way to the punching bags. Propping himself against the wall, he watches Jungkook for a while. 

He has his hands up by his face, releasing little grunts as he switches and hits, the sharp ridges of his body visible under his dark, baggy shirt. Sweaty hair is draped over his forehead, full of sexy energy as he beats the punching bag.

“Hi,” Jungkook notices Namjoon’s presence and approaches him. His smile is a warm comfort, but it quickly evolves to a grimace. “If writer's block had a face...”

“Thanks,” Namjoon says, slumping on a weight bench. 

Jungkook places his hands on Namjoon’s shoulders. “Geez,” he remarks, feeling the tightness. He straddles the bench behind him.

“Yeah, I think I'm turning into stone,” Namjoon frets. 

Namjoon sinks under his grasp as Jungkook squeezes and tugs at the tension in his shoulders. He massages upward and presses his thumbs to the side of Namjoon’s neck and he groans. 

The pressure loosens Namjoon’s muscles and the scent of Jungkook lightens his weight. He sits with his head hung, melting under Jungkook’s touch, almost startled when he speaks again. 

“I could get you an appointment with the massage therapist here, like a professional?” Jungkook sweetly offers. 

“No, thank you,” Namjoon squeezes the hand resting on his shoulder. “Spot me?” He tries to stay focused. Namjoon has seen a lot of developments. Jungkook's help has done wonders for his workout and accountability and he sees no sense in slowing down now. 

He situates himself on the bench and lifts a set. When he sits up, Jungkook makes eye contact with a guy across the gym floor. 

“Isn't that your date from last night?” Namjoon recognizes him from pictures. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook grimaces, avoiding the man’s gaze. 

“Not good, huh?”

“No. Not good.” Jungkook rolls his eyes. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Namjoon asks, observing the man. He’s cute enough, but certainly not good enough for Jungkook. 

“He doesn’t know how to fuck,” Jungkook says.

Namjoon turns and elbows him. “Jungkook, lower your voice.”

 “Look, I don’t mind going on dates just to hook up. It can make things a lot simpler, but it doesn’t work if you don’t know how to fuck. Same as the last 5 matches on this app.”

Deep down, Namjoon is relieved it didn’t work out. He finds himself a little more relieved with each of Jungkook’s failed matches.

“I’m meeting someone new tonight and if it doesn’t work out, I’m quitting all the apps,” Jungkook continues. 

“It’s a slump,” Namjoon offers, though he finds comfort in Jungkook doing just that. “I’m sure the next one will be better.” 

Sex had been the last thing on Namjoon’s mind after the breakup. He focused on moving on, immersing himself in his work, and working out. He’s settled well enough now and his desire is coming back around, but he can’t imagine meeting someone new.

“I just want to get fucked properly,” Jungkook asserts, definitely too loud. He looks around, aware. “I’m just saying,” he whispers as Namjoon finishes his set. 

Namjoon's stomach flutters, hearing Jungkook proclaim his need. It ignites a million images and scenarios that have a heat stirring in his cock. He sits up before Jungkook can see how affected he is. 

“What about you?” Jungkook asks. “It’s been 6 months now. Maybe getting out would loosen you up, help you blow off some steam,” he innuendos. “Plus, all this work you’ve been putting into your body? You should show it off.”

Namjoon looks down, gets shy. “I have been thinking about it lately.”

“Do it!” Jungkook encourages. “If you stay backed up, so will your writing.” 

They finish their workout and head to the showers, where Namjoon’s mind continues to wander. 

He thinks of his ex. Sometimes, just plowing into his tight ass would be enough to clear Namjoon’s mind and get words on the paper.

Jungkook's proclamation broke something open in him. There is a sudden call of duty to right the wrong and a pang of contempt at the guys who aren’t cutting it. 

Namjoon knows, knows if he ever got his hands on Jungkook…

He cuts himself off at the thought, willing his erection away. 

When Jungkook moved in, the agreement was to keep it platonic. This was easy enough for Namjoon at first. But now that the fog of heartbreak has cleared, there’s no denying it. Jungkook is sexy. 

Namjoon tries not to think too much about it and considers it a milestone in moving on from the breakup. It’s only natural that it’s his overtly attractive roommate & friend. He just needs to get out there and meet someone. 

He pushes the thoughts from his mind, turning off the shower and toweling himself off. The curtain slides nearby and Namjoon’s eyes follow Jungkook as he exits his shower stall. 

Removing the towel from his waist, Jungkook shakes the fabric through his dark hair, walking freely nude in the locker room.

He approaches the mirror and leans over the sink to inspect his pores, sticking his ass out. He looks back and Namjoon’s eyes bolt. It’s like he’s doing it on purpose.  

Just when Namjoon is sure he’s caught, Jungkook turns his backside to the mirror. He observes his own plump ass, lifting and dropping the thick flesh. He retrieves his phone from his gym bag and poses, snapping a picture.

Namjoon is hard in his fresh clothes. Whoever gets a chance with that ass and messes it up is an idiot, he thinks. He waits until Jungkook is at least half-dressed before opening the curtain. 

“Ready? I'm starving,” Jungkook says, pulling a shirt over his head. 

“Yeah,” Namjoon replies, removing the tags from his shirt. It’s one Jungkook recommended buying after dragging him on a recent shopping trip.  

“I told you that would look good on you! It’s not too small at all,” Jungkook compliments with wide eyes. 

“It’s not too small, it’s too tight,” Namjoon corrects. 

“No, you’re just getting so beefy,” Jungkook says, squeezing at his chest and Namjoon playfully shoves him away. He’s most insecure about his chest, despite obvious gains. 

“Your work is paying off. Your arms too, Hyung,” squeezing his biceps. “You look good,” he says sincerely. 

“Thank you,” is the best Namjoon can muster, and Jungkook rolls his eyes.

Namjoon hides the grin on his face as they walk out of the locker room.

♡♡♡ 

“Did you drive?” Namjoon asks as they exit the gym and he scans the empty lot, unlocking his bike. 

“I jogged here this morning,” Jungkook mutters, looking guilty.

Namjoon raises an eyebrow. “And how are you gonna get home?” he asks, mounting the bike.

Jungkook smiles and mounts his body behind Namjoon, wrapping arms around his waist.  

“Jungkook,” Namjoon hangs his head at the idea of trailing 150 pounds of pure muscle behind him after a tough workout. 

“C’mon, extra cardio,” Jungkook says, offering encouraging pats on his shoulder. “I’ll make you dinner,” he offers in a sing-song-y voice. 

Namjoon pedals the short distance back to the apartment, feeling good with Jungkook’s arms wrapped around him. 

♡♡♡ 

They arrive home and Namjoon gets right back to his work at the dining room table where his deadline mocks him. His body feels better after a workout with Jungkook, but his mind still isn’t right.  

“How much do you have left tonight?” Jungkook asks, holding the coffee pot.

Namjoon smiles. Jungkook asks this question anytime he’s working late like this. 

“Do you have some formula to calculate how much I'll need?” Namjoon chuckles.

“Tell me how long you have first,” Jungkook insists, a sweet sparkle in his eye. 

He looks at his work, contemplating. “An hour,” Namjoon reports. 

Jungkook sets into motion. “No matter how long, at least one cup.” He winks, pouring filtered water into the pot. 

“A ‘half hour’ means 45 minutes and two cups.” The second cup, so you can make the extra 15 minutes.” he continues, filling the machine to the gills with water.

“An ‘hour’ means two hours and a full pot.” He scoops ground coffee.

“And ‘almost done’ means brew two pots, and you’ll be up until dawn. He smiles, starting the coffee and powering on the Bluetooth speaker. He sets the mood with music and Namjoon relishes in being taken care of for a while. 

He continues to watch Jungkook, closing his laptop and placing a paper pad and pen on top instead. 

Namjoon writes freely, musing over Jungkook, who muses over the ingredients in the fridge. Jungkook takes out dishes, eyeballs ingredients. He admires the way Jungkook can whip anything up, barely able to follow a recipe himself if he tried. 

Namjoon is over his ex enough to not think about him in these scenarios anymore, but Jungkook makes a good replacement. 

In a lot of ways, Namjoon and Jungkook are closer than Namjoon and his ex ever were. They never talked over dinner, listened to music together. The kitchen hardly got any use until Jungkook moved in. 

Namjoon writes and writes, letting Jungkook carry the ideas in his mind. He’s pulled out of his reverie when Jungkook shoves a pair of chopsticks to his lips.

“What is it missing?” Jungkook pouts.

Namjoon chews the yummy food, swallows. “Nothing,” he replies, honestly. 

Jungkook huffs, unsatisfied, but places the pot on the table. Namjoon moves his work out of the way so they can settle into their routine. 

They sit and eat, Jungkook noticing the handwritten paper. “What are you writing?”

“Nothing, sometimes free writing clears the block,” Namjoon explains. 

Jungkook leans over and looks. “May I?” Namjoon nods. 

Jungkook reads it over, scanning the lines of the paper. Namjoon watches his dark, saucer eyes take it in. "I like it,'' he says sincerely. "It's like a poem or lyrics to a song or something."

Namjoon laughs at the idea.

“I’m serious,” Jungkook insists. “A writer is a writer, right?”

“Well, you’ll have to be the one to sing it, then.  

“What!?” Jungkook replies in disbelief. 

“I've heard you in the shower,” Namjoon’s voice softens. “You have a beautiful singing voice."

“You can hear me?” Jungkook says, a pretty blush rising to his cheeks.

Namjoon shifts in his seat. “Well, yeah, I can hear everything.”

Jungkook takes a quiet beat, eyes narrowing. "Everything?" 

“Yeah,” Namjoon raises his eyebrows, leaning in closer and giving Jungkook a quick look. “Everything.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook scolds, shoving Namjoon's shoulder and covering his mouth with his napkin. 

“I'm just being honest!” Namjoon laughs. “The walls are thin.”

He leans back, satisfied by the bright pink flush on Jungkook’s cheeks and proud of having him wound up like this. 

And the walls are thin. His voice is just as pretty coming from the bedroom, although Namjoon has heard less of it recently. Hence, the slump. 

“I'm just saying, it's very pretty,” Namjoon finishes. 

Jungkook clears his throat, shifting in his seat. 

Namjoon has a realization halfway through their meal. “Wait, you’re not going to dinner?” 

“No,” Jungkook says. “I’ve decided once someone lays me as I see fit, I’ll grace them with my presence at a dinner.”

They carry on without incident and it’s quiet for a while. Everything in Namjoon's mind is blocked except for this one seed of an idea Jungkook planted. It’s the only idea his mind will follow through on. 

“When was the last time you were… fucked properly?” Namjoon queries, quoting Jungkook and regretting it almost immediately. This is such dangerous territory. 

But Jungkook doesn’t miss a beat. “You first,” he quips.

“Six months,” Namjoon chuckles. "Although I stopped counting at three."

Jungkook laughs. “Well, it’s only been a month and a half for me. Now I feel bad.”

“Don’t,” Namjoon says. 

Jungkook giggles and covers his face with his hands. “I just need it, you know?”

Namjoon’s breath hitches and he swallows. That word. Need. 

Jungkook continues, “I don’t know if it’s the same since…” he trails off. 

“Since?” Namjoon urges him to continue. 

“Well, you’re a top,” he states. 

“Most of the time,” Namjoon retorts. 

Jungkook nods. “You know when someone just… bends you over and plows into you until you can’t think anymore? Filling you up?”

The longingness is evident in his words. Namjoon’s jaw is clamped shut as he pictures being the one behind him. 

“Does that make sense?” Jungkook asks.

“Definitely,” Namjoon replies, clearing his throat. “Having someone eager to take you inside, giving them all of you?” Namjoon runs a hand through his hair. “I get it.”

Jungkook swallows, something dark flashing in his eyes as he leans in. “Anyway,” he breathes, seeming to shake himself of the feeling and standing from the table. “Wish me luck.”

“Be safe, have fun, good luck.” Namjoon watches Jungkook exit the front door. He feels whiplash from how abruptly that ended and hopes he didn’t make Jungkook uncomfortable. 

He glances back at his paper. Usually, when he 'doodle writes' like this, he trashes the paper, making it a proper flush of his brain. This time, he tucks it in a folder and puts it away. 

♡♡♡ 

Namjoon rolls over and mumbles, stirred awake by noises. He glances at the clock: 1:30. 

He shuffles and sits up, stomach dropping when he realizes what the sound is. 

It’s Jungkook. He’s moaning, clearly enjoying himself. His date must’ve been successful. Namjoon rolls his eyes and turns over to get back to sleep, wrapping a pillow around his ears. 

But Jungkook is so loud. After how he played shy today, Namjoon can't believe it. He's always heard Jungkook on his dates, but this was even worse.

Namjoon can’t tell if he’s jealous of Jungkook getting laid at all or that someone else is behind him, giving him everything and making him moan like that. 

But it’s been so long since Namjoon put his cock anywhere warm and wet. It's turning him on more than anything else. Jungkook sounds so hot. 

His cock throbs in his shorts. He ruts himself against the mattress, eventually tucking a pillow between his legs for relief. 

He imagines Jungkook bent over, his thick ass cheeks jiggling with each thrust. He would look back at Namjoon with teary eyes, finally getting what he’s needed for so long. 

Namjoon lies on his back and slips his hand under the waistband of his underwear, rubbing the aching length. He shudders at his own touch, sticky at the tip already. 

He lines up the pump of his fist with Jungkook's moans, thinking of his words, and getting off on what a shameless bottom he is. Big, strong muscle bunny, yet so obvious he loves being stuffed full. 

Jungkook’s moans increase, getting close. Namjoon takes deep breaths, trying to keep his composure, keeping his strokes even and his voice quiet. 

“Ah Hyung! Hyung, Hyung!” Jungkook’s cries in pleasure and Namjoon loses control. He spills over his own palm, stifling his moans with his other hand, envisioning filling Jungkook to the brim with cum. 

He pants for a while and wipes himself off on the sheets, clarity, and guilt kicking in.

Thoroughly ashamed, he goes to sleep, promising he’ll never do it again. 

Chapter 2 on ao3 :)

[melodiousvoid]

Ok, so bit of a long-winded flip-out coming under the cut. Trigger warnings for a lot of things: medical settings, child illness, child near-death experience (kinda), nausea, surgery mention, malpractice mention (no detail), gaslighting (kinda?) and general health issues. We also discuss our traumagenic system origins and a few relevant triggers. We accept the risk of this, and fyi, are difficult to trigger in a way that’s actually a problem for us. There’s a TLDR at the end if you want the short version.

For context, my name’s Zadie, and I’m the eldest (chronologically) of our alters. I was both protector and host of this body between the ages of roughly 4 and 13. At this point, we’re fairly sure that our system initially split from medical trauma, as most of our historical triggers and compensatory reactions have to do with medical things. I front somewhat randomly now, often for several weeks at a time, and have had time to process a good deal of my trauma.

As host and protector, I had one primary characteristic: stoicism. My job, from the beginning, has been to endure. Whatever happens, get through it. I didn’t question it. It felt like a sacred duty, and I treated it like one. As a kid, I had chronic pneumonia, bad stomach issues, and what I now recognize as migraine symptoms (which sometimes, in children, can present more as chronic GI problems than severe headaches). Despite all this, we were a very active and fiercely independent child. The most serious issue we ever faced was an Appendicitis, which I’ll get into later.

Flash forward to today, what we deal with on the daily is constant vestibular migraine symptoms. That started at 19 for idiotic medical malpractice reasons. Prior to this starting, we loved coffee, and drank it regularly. Then vestibular migraines became permanent, and now we can’t drink coffee without being very nauseous. Now today I decided fuck it, fuck me up my beloved bean juice, I’m at a concert and it’s a treat.

Concert ends, coffee is of course fucking me up, and I’m feeling very nauseous while walking up the hill to my car. Without thinking about it, I felt like I made direct eye contact with the physical feeling of nausea in my body, and said “the fuck are you on about?! Coffee never made us sick before, so you can’t be making us sick now! You make no fucking sense, so you don’t exist. Get the fuck out of my gut you loser.”

And the feeling of nausea decreased, like, 60%. I almost stopped walking it surprised me so much. It wasn’t permanent, I had to do it a few more times on the way home, but it stayed effective.

Then, I remembered something that happened at 7-8 years old.

We needed an appendectomy, but didn’t know it. I’d felt sick for two weeks, but it wasn’t normal stomach sick, and the stomach pain didn’t get really severe until the very end. That said, it still hurt a lot. It didn’t make any sense to me, so I just told myself “what is pain? It’s just a sensation, right? How’s it supposed to hurt you? I don’t understand why this sensation translates to ‘ouch, make it stop’ in my head, so I guess I can choose not to translate it that way.” So I couldn’t stop feeling the sensation, but I chose to interpret it as not-pain, not-bad, and not-a-problem. And I went back to running around and climbing trees. Reminder that I was literally 7, had my 8th birthday in the hospital because of this.

Now eventually it got bad enough that this wasn’t ignorable anymore, I got the appropriate medical care, and fully recovered without issue. But this method worked for way longer than it should have.

Apparently I can gaslight myself out of medical symptoms (or at least the sensations of them) by dubiously fact-checking them.

Searing stomach pain? “Pain doesn’t exist. It’s just a concept.” Oh yeah! Pain canceled.

Anxious before a dentist’s appointment? “Why? Physical pain has never scared you.” Oh yeah! Anxiety canceled.

Coffee nausea? “Why? You didn’t do this ten years ago, why are you doing it now?” Oh, sorry. Nausea canceled.

Thing is, we know this kind of logic shouldn’t hold up. Not knowing why something happens doesn’t mean it can’t happen. I think it’s a confidence thing, like scaring off a black bear: you gotta make it think you’re the boss, you’re the bigger animal, and you mean business.

And this absolutely doesn’t work if someone else tells us “you’re fine,” in a medical setting or anywhere else. In fact that’s one of my biggest front triggers, someone invalidating another person’s pain, or our own pain, because it makes me furious. I know I’m full of shit, but I’m full of helpful shit. They’re just full of horseshit.

The only person who gets to gaslight me is me, and that’s final!

This doesn’t have much of a conclusion, I just wanted to share a strange experience. I think being (as far as I know) both our first host and first protector, simultaneously, has made my existence a bit weird.

TLDR: For the vast majority of negative physical sensations, I can respond “the fuck are you on about? Idiot. Unfollowed, reported, blocked.” And at least in my perception, the sensation will decrease. Wild.

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (839): Thu 4th Jul 2024

I still felt like shit when I woke up in the hostel this morning. Thankfully although I did have a bit of a cough last night it wasn't severe enough that I had to ask everyone else in the hostel to leave so I wouldn't infect them. I headed to the train station and thankfully the train was on time unlike the last month where it got cancelled because it ran over a beetle that was walking across the tracks and they needed to call in engineers to assess the damage. It's every man's dream that the person sitting next to him on the train will be a beautiful woman but tragically the woman in the seat next to mine looked like dinner lady from Harry Potter. Thankfully the entire train carriage was almost completely empty so I just took a seat somewhere else. The journey felt a little longer than usual but probably because of my splitting headache. I should've gone to the refreshment compartment and asked if they had anything that could've helped my headache, like some heroin but tragically they only had crack which is nowhere near powerful enough to remedy the agony I was going through so I just went back to my seat and screamed "THE PAIN" over and over again for three hours which did just the job. Once I got home I grabbed my ID and my postal ballot then headed off to the leisure centre round the corner to save the UK from fascism. I never would've thought that I would become the kind of person who would actually ever vote because I used to think "they're all as bad as each other" but then I turned eight and realized what a ridiculous fucking thing this is to say. My main concern in life right now is the stability of the NHS and although Starmer would probably not be my first choice as leader of the country I think that our health and wellbeing is in safer hands with Starmer than it would be with Sunak. Later on I went to the doctors for an appointment about my spine / neck / shoulders which I have tried to remedy through the use of physiotherapy, acupuncture, medication and chiropractic adjustments over the three years since my herniated disc operation to no avail. Reluctantly I asked the doctor if he would refer me to the MSK cunts with the hope of them sending me for an MRI scan. I'm not overly hopeful because during treatment for the disc these bastards tried everything they could to put off sending me for an MRI as this would mean admitting that the eighteen months of stretches they'd kept fobbing me off with was absolutely pointless. If they tell me that they can't / won't send me for an MRI this time then I'm just going to walk out and I'll have to find a way to pay for it myself because I'm not putting up with another eighteen months of feeling like there's a pen poking out of the centre of my spine. Tuned into tonight's Hollyoaks and it dawned on me that the actor who plays Robbie went on Britain’s Got Talent and tried to get famous by trying to get Piers Morgan to laugh…so there’s technically two prostitutes on the show. The episode mainly revolved around Robbie's attempts to persuade Hannah to give up prostitution in favour of a happy life with him during which we got this exchange: Robbie: I want you to give up prostitution Hannah Hannah: I can’t, I’ve got no other way of supporting myself

Uh, why has Hannah chosen Hollyoaks to be a sex worker? No-one in this village ever does any fucking work so how does she expect to make money off them? She'd have a better chance of making money as a prostitute in the villages surrounding Chernobyl than in Hollyoaks (granted she'd have to make all her clients wear condoms made of lead).

[annieintheaair]

Go pretend you hate me, treat me like the crazy one. Yeah, you keep doing you and I'll do better.

Cinco de Mayo was pretty exceptional. I made it to yoga and then decided to head over to MiCocina. I had every intention of sitting at the bar but it was full so I ended up at a table for two by myself. I looked around the restaurant and there were couples everywhere, most of them not even paying attention to each other but sitting at the tables together and on their phones. I realized that maybe I wasn't as alone as I thought I was by sitting by myself.

I didn't need a menu-- I knew I wanted a Skinny Smash Margarita and brisket tacos. The waiter laughed a little when I told him I didn't need the menu. I wish I could be as confident about other decisions in my life as I am about ordering brisket tacos and a margarita. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted those things. I wish love was like that, too. I wish, instead of needing to swipe on a huge selection of people on a dating app, we could just know, without a doubt, that there was one person we wanted to be with.

I enjoyed my two margaritas and tacos and was going to go to Trader Joe's but instead decided that it was getting late and I actually wanted to go home and crawl into bed.

As my only night off from work, I took advantage and slept late. I've been extra tired lately and although my job wears me down, I think it's also the issues I've been having with my ears lately. I've had multiple sinus infections in the last year and my primary care doctor explained that it was most likely caused by whatever allergies I'm experiencing due to where I'm currently living.

I think it's a combination of ongoing sinusitis and eustachian tube dysfunction. If I turn my head upside down, I get this horrible feeling in my throat and nose. It feels like I went underwater and breathed in the water. I'll drink lots of water to try to clear it but it's incredibly painful. My ears keep getting stuck popped, too, and work has just made it worse with the pressurization. I've had bad headaches and constantly feel a weird congestion in the back of my nose. I called my ENT yesterday and they can't even get me in for an appointment until the 22nd. I wish there was a better solution.

Despite being tired, I was super productive in many ways yesterday. I got up early to take my dogs for their annual shots, which was something on my to-do list that I had really been dreading. I treated myself to a horchata chai latte from the local coffee shop and then headed home to get work done. I finished three whole projects for my second job and felt so accomplished that I rewarded myself with a poké bowl for lunch/dinner.

I was supposed to fly last night to Tulsa but of course, our flight first got delayed and eventually, our pilots went illegal so the flight was delayed until 5am. I had an awkward argument on the jetbridge with an agent supervisor who wanted to board the plane before the pilots even arrived and could brief us about the weather. When the captain finally arrived, he agreed that we could not board and had the passengers go back to the terminal.

There was a commuting pilot who tried to back me up when arguing with the agent and later he told my pilots how proud he was of me for standing up to the agent the way that I did. My whole crew was so supportive and I felt like I did something right for once, even though it was hard. A passenger said something mean to me as we walked off the plane and I just ignored him. I can't control the weather, especially not the tornados in Oklahoma.

I was home by 1:30am and got into bed with my dogs and allowed myself to sleep until about 9am. It was a struggle to get myself out of bed but somehow I managed. I had to cancel my Volvo service appointment today, which was super annoying and a pain to reschedule.

I don't know why but May always seems to be a crazy month for me. Of course, both cars are due for service, my dogs needed their annual shots, and I'm due for multiple appointments like my ENT appointment, audiologist appointment, and even a hair appointment. Y'all, it's going to be a busy month!

Despite being crazy busy and working extra, I decided, while at dinner on Sunday night, that I'd like to do weekly date nights. I have a list of restaurants that I've wanted to try in Fort Worth and since I'm sticking around for a little longer, I have time to explore the places I've wanted to go that I never got to go with Todd. I've never had issues with going to restaurants alone while on layovers for work and honestly, going alone in Fort Worth is no different. Since this place isn't permanent, I feel so much more accepting and brave of going to restaurants alone.

I'm flying to Houston tonight and hopefully, that goes smoothly because I really can't handle another messed-up trip right now. I know I'm supposed to be a palm tree but sometimes, I just feel like I can't keep swaying without breaking.

xoxo

Annie

[keratoconusgroup]

My KC story 4 long months

What a wild ride it's been. October 13th (of all days) my contacts that I previously got the left eye stopped working. Lens crafters eye doctor told me he was going to refer me to a specialist because I "might, could, maybe" have KC. No contact until your seen AND the only one in town is booked up for AT least two months..Two weeks passed still no call from the specialist to set up an appointment. Found out very quickly that crafters never sent in my referral.. lol a week later I had a DRs appointment with my primary. I told her about the situation two seconds later I was able to FINALLY make an appointment to the specialist. (Thanks crafters.. for not caring) December 3rd I finally could get the answers I needed and to be DONE with the anxiety of "what if" I do? She had ran test and found out I have a very mild case in the left eye and there was a "suspect" in the right eye. I admit I was pretty bummed just hearing I did possibly have KC.. BUT she reassured me that I could still wear soft lenses again and even the same stigmatism XR contacts!!! Put an order in to get the trail pair..phone calls after calls after calls my contacts were lost? I got a few dates of when they should arrive, cancelled the follow-up appointments twice.. FINALLY GOT THEM YESTERDAY!! For not wearing contacts for 4 months.. I got a bit of a headache. But man it's so good to be able to see and not constantly pushing my glasses up. Lol ​ I am truly blessed I don't have KC bad enough for any procedures (yet) I have another follow up in July just to make sure it's not progressing submitted by /u/Timely-Goose-780 [link] [comments] https://www.reddit.com/r/Keratoconus/comments/1az1tst/my_kc_story_4_long_months/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[thefuntravelbackpack]

Can Travel Agencies Help With Passport

Traveling abroad can be an exciting experience, but it can also be a daunting one if you don’t have everything sorted out. Passport issues are especially tricky, and getting your documents in order might seem like a never-ending task. But did you know that travel agencies can help with your passport needs? I'm here to tell you all about how they can make the process smoother for you! Whether you're just renewing or applying from scratch, there's much that travel agents can do to take some of the stress out of obtaining a passport. Read on to find out exactly what services they offer.

Decoding The Passport Process

Navigating the passport process can seem overwhelming at first, but thankfully travel agencies are here to help! Obtaining a passport is an important step in any international trip. It's essential to be aware of all the requirements and regulations for obtaining visas as well as other documents necessary for your travels. Even if you’re just planning a domestic vacation, it’s still best to have a valid passport with you. Travel agencies make the entire experience easier by providing guidance and support throughout the whole process. They can answer questions about application procedures and provide helpful tips on how to fill out paperwork correctly. Furthermore, they often offer services such as online appointment booking or expedited processing so that you receive your passport in time for your upcoming trips. Additionally, many travel agencies also specialize in arranging travel insurance packages tailored specifically to your needs. This ensures that you will be covered during unexpected situations while abroad - whether it’s medical emergencies or flight cancellations due to bad weather conditions. All these features combined makes having a trusty travel agency by your side invaluable when preparing for any kind of journey!

Submitting Paperwork On Your Behalf

Yes, travel agencies can certainly help with passports. When it comes to navigating the fees associated with your passport application or renewal, they are a great resource. They can make sure you get all of the necessary paperwork in order and that you have everything you need for your application. Plus, if time is an issue, many travel agencies offer expedited services which can help speed up the process significantly. Travel agencies also provide valuable guidance throughout the entire passport application process. From helping ensure your photos meet government requirements to making sure you don't miss any important deadlines, they will be there every step of the way. In addition, they will take on some of the burden by submitting paperwork on your behalf so that you don’t have to worry about dealing with bureaucracy alone. Having assistance from a trusted travel agency during this complex and often confusing process makes obtaining or renewing a passport much easier and less stressful. Not only does it give peace of mind knowing someone knowledgeable is looking out for you but it also means one fewer headache to deal with when preparing for international travel!

Applying For A Passport

I'm thinking about applying for a passport and I'm wondering what the requirements are? What documents do I need to submit? How much do they cost? How long does the processing time usually take? Requirements I know how stressful the process of applying for a passport can be, especially if you're short on time and need to get your documents in order quickly. That's why it can help so much to work with a travel agency who specializes in expediting services and helping people schedule appointments. They'll make sure all of my paperwork is correct and that I'm submitting everything on time. Plus, they provide valuable advice about what forms are necessary and which fees I need to pay. It takes away some of the stress knowing that someone else is handling the details while I focus on packing my bags! Working with a travel agency definitely makes it easier when applying for a passport. Documents Once I've worked with a travel agency to expedite my passport application, the next step is to make sure that all of my documents are in order. This means ensuring that I have everything necessary for getting a visa if I'm traveling abroad as well. It can be tricky making sure you meet all the requirements, especially when they differ from country to country. Having the help of an experienced agent who knows these regulations inside and out makes a huge difference! They'll let me know what type of documentation is needed and any special considerations based on where I'm going. Working with an expert helps take away some of the stress associated with preparing for international travel. All that's left now is getting ready for takeoff!

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If you already have a passport, but it is expired or expiring soon, renewing your existing one can be an easy and stress-free process. Securing the necessary documents in order to do so shouldn’t take too much time either. Travel agencies are more than willing to help with this, as they understand that getting these details together can often be overwhelming for some people. The most important item needed when looking to renew your passport is proof of US citizenship. This could come in the form of a birth certificate or naturalization papers; whatever documentation proves you were born in the US or legally became a citizen here will work just fine. Additionally, you must provide two similar recent photographs and fill out Form DS-82, both of which travel agencies can assist with if need be. Finally, there will likely be fees associated with obtaining a renewed passport depending on how quickly you would like it back – typically between $110-$145 USD without additional costs such as expediting services. All financial aspects should also go through the agency, allowing them to handle all transaction related matters seamlessly and securely.

Obtaining A Passport For A Child

Yes, travel agencies can help you with passport renewal. The process is often much simpler when working directly with a professional agency rather than attempting to do it yourself. They have the knowledge and expertise necessary to guide you through the complicated paperwork and documentation requirements associated with obtaining or renewing a passport for a child. Travel tips are essential when dealing with children’s passports because they need special attention to ensure everything goes smoothly. An experienced agent will know exactly what documents must be included in the application and how far ahead of time these should be submitted in order to avoid any delays. In addition, if there are any issues that arise during the process, your agent will be able to quickly resolve them so that your family's trip isn't delayed unnecessarily. Having an up-to-date passport for each member of your family is important for international travel, especially for those under 18 years old. With assistance from a reliable travel agency, all of the required documentation can easily be obtained and submitted accurately within the necessary timeframe. This way, everyone in your family can get their desired destination without difficulty!

Frequently Asked Questions

How Much Does A Passport Cost? Getting a passport isn't cheap, and the cost can vary depending on your age and whether you're getting a new one or renewing an existing one. Generally speaking, adults will pay around $145 for a first-time passport, while minors aged 15 and under are charged only $115. If you need to renew your passport that fee drops down to just $110. You'll also have to factor in additional costs if you plan on expediting processing of your application or using other services like overnight delivery. Make sure to meet all the necessary requirements too as this can affect how much your passport will end up costing you! What Is The Processing Time For A Passport Application? If you're planning a solo trip, it's important to know the processing time for passport applications. Generally speaking, it can take anywhere from 4-6 weeks after submitting an application and all necessary documents before your new passport arrives. Additionally, if you are renewing an existing passport or replacing one due to fraud or theft, then the processing time is significantly shorter at 2-3 weeks. It's best to apply as soon as possible so that you don't miss out on any opportunities! What Documents Do I Need To Provide To Obtain A Passport? If you're looking to obtain a passport, there are several documents that you'll need to provide. These include your proof of U.S. citizenship (either a birth certificate or naturalization certificate), a driver's license or other form of valid photo ID and two identical 2x2 inch photos taken within the last six months. You may also be required to submit additional paperwork depending on which renewal process you choose and any special circumstances that apply to your situation. Knowing what documentation is needed ahead of time will help make sure the travel tips you follow are efficient in getting your passport quickly! How Long Is A Passport Valid For? A passport is typically valid for 10 years, however it's important to keep up with renewal requirements since rules may change. It's always wise to check your local government regulations regarding passports and make sure you're aware of any passport security measures that have been put in place. Make sure you renew on time so you don't face any issues when travelling! Is There A Way To Expedite The Processing Of A Passport Application? If you need to get your passport application processed quickly, there are a few options available. Expedited services can help speed up the process and they often come with an additional fee. You can also submit your application online or through certain travel agencies if that's more convenient for you. Just make sure to check the agency's website ahead of time as some may not offer expedited processing.

Conclusion

Obtaining a passport can be an intimidating process, but with the help of a travel agency it doesn’t have to be. Travel agencies are knowledgeable about all aspects of the application, from understanding what documents you need to providing expedited processing services. With their expertise and assistance, you can rest assured that your passport will arrive on time so you can start planning your next trip abroad! It's important to research different travel agencies before choosing one for assistance with obtaining or renewing a passport. Doing this guarantees you will find the right service provider for your needs, giving you peace of mind when applying for or renewing a passport. Read the full article

[inkyquince]

Both of my jabs have given my huge headaches for two days and it's looking like this is gonna be another one of those absolute zingers but I still got porn brain so have this. Written by moi, while my brain is crumpling inside my skull

I just think... Everyone should be a bit pussy/ass drunk when it comes to the pc. As a treat.

content warning. Overstimulation, cum drunk, exhibitionism, spanking, doctor harper that's... illegal? Don't sleep with your patients, lads.

Wren isn't satisfied with just one orgasm and almost immediately starts to thrust up into you after they've cum. The laughter and teasing from their friends fade into soft breathing and encouragement as Wren pins you down, scattering cards and fucks into you with such intensity, it's like it's they're last minutes alive and if they don't go out cumming, they ain't going.

Leighton going too far. It was just supposed to be a short little punishment, spanking your ass raw but with your underwear hanging off your ankle... They got to admire your cute little hole and decided they needed a treat. But fuck, cumming felt so good, so hypnotic, they couldn't just stop at one. Does trail off in their dirty talk, just panting and groaning, humping at you. Goes from respected principle to overeager teenager in seconds. Let's you go with cum rolling down your legs and wonders if it would be so bad if you never attended classes again, and just sat underneath their desk to keep them in a good mood all day.

You were a taste Landry tried to restrict themselves to just once. Just... Once. Some light flirting and you were spreading your legs for them. Now here they are, absolutely drunk on you, swearing and swearing. They were supposed to be out of here 27 minutes ago, they had missed meetings, but they just couldn't stop. Mind blank, just the best fuck of their entire life.

Harper was beyond fucked. But you were so cute lying back in the chair, big eyes begging them to help you cum. Harper had been waiting for you to invite them in for so long, they had to. Now they're just moaning into your neck, red blush across their cheeks and neck, shaking as their third orgasm rolled through them. Their only cohesive thoughts was to keep fucking you. Nothing but fucking. Drool was slipping from their lips, moaning and shaking and your hole was so fucking addictive, Harper couldn't take it. Fully going to cancel all appointments just to keep fucking.

Masterlist

AO3

Kofi

[buckystevelove]

I was thinking the other day about a headcanon I had w Steve or bucky where reader is pregnant and she gets stressed and upset a lot w her family, work, friends and steve/bukcy finds out about the reader getting stressed after a visit to the doctor and tries to make everyone not stress or upset the reader and basically goes apeshit whenever anyone tries to upset her. basically the reader is completely clueless while steve/ bucky is the one getting stressed. and at some point he takes the reader on vacation so she can relax.

idk I had this headcanon stuck in my head and since I love your blog and your writing I wanted to share!

Baby Stress

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word count: 1287

Warning: fluff & angst 

A/N: ask questions or ask for headcanons and one-shots. It’s open.

Work has been super stressing lately, you had a great position as the CEO of an international company. Steve couldn´t be prouder of you, he was always encouraging towards your job. You had been together for 7 years, married for 4. He had always wanted to have a family, but the two of you had very demanding jobs, a year ago Steve decided to retire and give Sam the position of Captain America and become a stay-at-home-husband, then was when you decided to start trying to get pregnant. You had always wanted to be a mom, but you really loved your job and didn’t want your child to feel neglected, but since Steve wanted to be the one taking care of them while you could still work. That was the dream.

Now you were 7 months pregnant, today you had an appointment at the doctor, they were going to tell you the sex of the baby. You were excited, Steve was over the moon.

“Baby, I am so exited! I was starting to get sad about not asking for the gender at the 5 months appointment, but I prefer to be 100% sure.” You were walking to the hospital, since you had gotten pregnant you started to walk instead of taking cabs, you were trying to lead a healthier lifestyle. Steve was very persuading.

“I know, I really want to start buying everything, and to look for names.” Steve tighten his arm on your shoulders. You enter the hospital and took the elevator to the doctor’s office

“Hello YN. How have you been feeling?” She asked while you laid on the table and rolled your shirt up. You knew the drill.

“I have been having some back pain and light headaches.” You said nonchalantly, you turned and took at Steve that had his hand on your shoulder, he was frowning and looked a little bit angry.

“You didn´t tell me anything.” He said offended.

“I didn´t want to make you nervous, I am sure it’s nothing.” You looked at him, giving him and encouraging smile.

He ignored you and looked at the doctor, “What do you say doc? Everything ok?”

“Let me see.” She placed the horrible and cold jell in your swollen belly and place the thing for the ultrasound. She started to put some pressure and to move it around. “Well, you are having a baby boy.”

You smiled and looked at Steve with tear in your eyes, he had already some in his cheeks. He completely forgot about the pains, he was having a son, he could be happier.

“Regarding what you told me YN; lately have you been under a lot of stress?” She asked wiping the jell from your belly with some paper towels.

“Yes, I have had a bigger load of work the last weeks. We are closing a new deal, so I´ve had to work some extra hours.” You said rolling you shirt down.

“That’s it, they are common symptoms of stress, you just need to relax. It can lead to high blood pressure, and the baby is a bit smaller than the average, it can also lead to a low-birth weight baby, but don’t worry.” That made you worry, you didn’t want to harm your baby.

You decided to hire an extra assistant, and try leaving work earlier. Steve had been super stress, he was an underweight kid, he didn´t want his son to we sick like he used to be. He had been babying you, and you hated it.

Today you were hosting a dinner with the team at your penthouse, every time you tried to do something. Steve would take it off your hands. To say you were starting to get annoyed would be the understatement of the year. This week he had already cancelled a business trip you had to Paris, you were going crazy.

“Let me get that.” He took the plate that you were taking to the table from your hands. “You look gorgeous, you can go to our room and take a nap while the guys arrive.” He gave you a quick kiss and continue arranging everything. You hated to be told what to do, you hated feeling useless, there was a reason you ended up as a CEO, you were the boss.

“No, Steve. I am tire of staying in bed. I want to help.” You whine and looks at him in the eyes.

“Baby, please.” You huffed and went to your bedroom.

An hour later you heard the ring on your door. You could had run faster, you were desperate to do something.

“Bucky!” You shouted and hugged him. You and Bucky were best friends. You had a super strong relationship, you were his little sister, not just Steve’s wife.

“Hey doll, how are you? And how is my favorite kid?” He asked rubbing you belly.

You let him in and go to seat on the living room, Steve was still cooking on the kitchen.

“Well, your favorite nephew.” You grin at him.

“YN! That’s amazing.”

“I know! I am so excited, already bought everything, you will love the nursery.”

“And tell me, how have you been?”

“Truth be told, I am going crazy. The doctor told us in our last appointment that I was stressing out too much, yeah, I´ve been having a lot of work, but you know how it is. The problem is that now, Steve is making me crazy. I think that he has been stressing me more than job. I am just about to kill him.” You said with an annoyed face, Bucky was laughing at you.

“You should talk to him and tell him how you feel, if he is really making you feel that way.” He gave you a reassuring smile and rubbed your arm. “You know how that punk is, he can´t not worry about the people he love, and you and that baby, are persons he love the most in this whole world.”

“I know, thanks for listening me.” You hugged him.

Dinner went swimmingly, everyone talking and fooling around. The entire team was super happy when you told them about your baby boy, and you decided to tell everyone the name you two had chosen. James Grant Rogers.

That night you decided to talk to Steve.

While you were lying on bed, waiting for Steve for Steve to come out from the bathroom, whwn he came out he laid in his side of the bed and placed his arm in your waist, his hand resting in your bump, he could feel the baby kicking.

“Stevie, baby. I want to talk to you.” You turned around so you were facing him now.

“What happened sweetheart?” He was frowning.

“Nothing bad, it´s just…” you sighted.

“You can tell me honey.” He encourage you rubbing your back.

“It’s just that you have been super overprotective the last few days, and you have been making me crazy.” You gave him your sweetest smile.

“I know babe, it’s just that I am really scared for the baby. I don´t want him to be small like I was. It’s just that. I am sorry.” He said giving you a kiss on the lips.

“I really get it. You don´t need to worry. I talk to my bosses and they gave me a month off, because the baby is in his way, so a brought us tikets to Cancun.” You gave him a thrilled smile.

“YN, that sounds fantastic. Our last month before Jamie joins us.”

“I love you Steve, thanks for taking care of us.”

“I love you too, and I love you little man.” He said placing a kiss on your bump.

[millerflintstone]

The good news - I'm no longer on the pager duty rotation!

The bad news - hey...remember that MRI I had for my eyes / optic nerve? Turns out...

Like...what? I downloaded the report the night before the follow up, which was on the 7th. Unfriendly and I had a long talk.

I don't have any classic stroke symptoms. I don't remember having a sudden painful headache, but with grieving my mom along with the loss of my entire nuclear family, there is a lot I don't remember between early November and December.

The radiologist report states this -> "Small area of acute/recent lacunar ischemia in the left cerebellar hemisphere suspected. No large territory infarct seen" . My blood pressure is normal. Sometimes the bottom number gets in the high 80s. LDL cholesterol was high in July. That's currently being rechecked. My A1C is normal. I haven't gained any weight since losing 25 pounds in 2020. Minor fluctuations but I haven't been strictly intermittent fasting for a good 8-9 months. I'm still overweight and do need to get some kind of activity going in my life because I haven't since about October.

Gonna put the rest under a break because this got longer than I intended.

The TL;DR is I saw another neuro for a second opinion, saw a cardiologist at the practice I went to in 2017 and am on a heart monitor for a month. I have further tests at the cardiologist but we're still in the diagnosis phase of this.

I'm better about it today. Nothing I can do to change things immediately. Just gotta focus on taking better care of this flesh vessel and step 1 was telling work I have heavily advised stress reduction from my doctor.

This past week has been doctor appointment week. The neurologist I saw said it could just be an artifact since I don't have obvious slurred speech, numbness, loss of mobility, etc. It could be a small silent stroke. It could just be aging.

I was not happy with how the follow up went. It was supposed to be TeleMed and I never got a link. Just a phone call, which I asked him directly about and it just seems that office is scattered. (That's a whole nother post.) But that neuro talked to the other neuro in the practice and he wasn't 100% sure either. I was told to follow up with my PCP and a cardiologist.

My PCP didn't have a specific neuro to refer me too for a second opinion because the one she used to refer folks to is closing her practice due to a terminal illness. She did give me some names. The guy other folks were happy with doesn't actually take stroke patients. Just tumors and I forget what else the office person said. But that office gave the name of one that does that is in my insurance network. I got a second opinion from a vascular neurologist. He had a cancellation last Wed and they were able to fit me in. He confirmed the same things of it really not being known / definite and agreed with the recommendations of the first guy along with re-scanning in about 4 months.

Honestly I've been stunned and now that I'm less stunned I realized things I should have asked and didn't. I figure I can just ask for an in person follow up with the first neuro in person after all the cardiology tests are in.

Cardiologist appointment was Friday. I had to go to one in 2017 due to a new PCP at the time. She was concerned about my EKG and wanted me to see a cardiologist. They did all of these tests including an echocardiogram and determined my heart was normal for me. Structurally it was fine. They didn't see a need to do a stress test then. I was told to not overdo caffeine because abnormal but normal for me EKG indicated my heart could go out of rhythm or very fast but neither of those things have happened. Anyway, this practice has a "before" of my heart. On 1/24 we're going to do the "after" tests and I get to wear a heart monitor for 30 days. Last time I only wore one for a week I think. It was enough for that doc to determine I didn't need a stress test.

So that's the new current thing in my life. My body refuses to calm the fuck down I guess.

In terms of stress, my PCP did think it was a good idea to reduce it where I can. I decided to tell my bosses about it. I went back and forth about being vague about it but these people are thick and lack common sense and empathy (more on that later) . I was matter of fact about it and phrased it as "In light of this, I will not be able to participate in the pager duty rotation" ( this was Unfriendly's suggestion).

I told two co-workers - the good dude who was really worried about me after my mom passed and the gal I work with on one specific problematic vendor. The guy is also on PD and I thought he should know why. Things happened this week that showed me management is still careless so I wanted him to understand I just wasn't being a dick. That is also another post.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Well, I feel fucking terrible. My voice is completely gone, I don’t have a thermometer but I half of me is very hot and half of me is very cold and I’m sure I have a fever, and I’ve gotten out of breath from walking about eight metres to the bathroom, and I cough every time I sit up. This is not a good day. Here are some things I think about that:

1) Katherine Ryan can fuck off, actually, with telling the audience of a show I was in last month that COVID is no big deal, she knows because she had it twice and it was fine for her so of course that means no one should worry about it (yes she was joking when she said it, but she paired that joke with a whole routine that genuinely defended anti-vaxxers, also I realize that most people have it much worse than Katherine or I and they’re the ones who actually matter but I feel like absolute shit right now and even if it got no worse than my situation, that would still be bad enough for it to be worth caring about COVID). And for saying only weird extreme people would still wear thick masks these days and would get another booster shot. I had a fourth shot booked, and then I canceled it because I unexpectedly went out of town during the week of the appointment, and I didn’t get around to rebooking it. I so wish I hadn’t made that mistake.

I’m not trying to cancel Katherine Ryan or whatever, I’m just mad right now and that’s as good a place as any to direct it.

2) I’m actually freaking out a little right now. Logically I know it’s okay. But I’ve always had health anxiety, obviously the pandemic has made it much worse, and now, for the first time in a couple of years (aside from when I got sick May, but I never really thought that was COVID and it wasn’t nearly as bad as this), I have an actual reason to be anxious about my own health. COVID passes fairly soon for most people, but for some people it lasts months or longer and some people end up in the hospital or worse and I’m pretty terrified that I went out on one night and ruined my entire fucking life by doing that.

So having said that… anyone got any distractions or good comfort things to watch/read/listen to in this situation? No More Jockeys has been amazing all day, though I’ve had to take breaks from looking at the screen when I get too much of a headache. Those three guys have been getting me through this so far, and they’ve done it very well and it’s pretty much the perfect thing for me to watch when I need something easy enough so I can focus on it and nice enough to be a comfort and engaging enough to be a distraction. But in case this lasts a while, anyone have any other ideas for similar things? Or, and I’m just going to come right out and ask for what I want here, anyone want to tell me something that might cheer me up? Because I’ve been doing this all day but now it’s nighttime and I can’t sleep.

3) Oh come on, Mark Watson was not cheating with his pen, he maybe cheated once with his phone but I’m starting to think he probably didn’t even actually do that. People in the YouTube comments, stop giving him shit for that, because it is genuinely bothering me to see him try to suppress his fidgetiness. Speaking as someone who’s supposed to start an in-person job-like thing next week, and I’m pretty fucking sure it won’t start on Monday anymore but it’ll start whenever I’m better (you know, assuming I haven’t ruined my whole life), and I’m anxiously thinking about how while I’m there I’m going to have to constantly remind myself to keep my hands still and keep my gaze in one place and try for eye contact and make sure I’m not doing any weird gestures because I’d like to seem normal enough for this to lead to an actual job… speaking as someone who’s going to have to do that in a proper professional environment, stop making me watch someone do it when he’s just getting drunk with friends in a YouTube show. Give the man back his clicky pens.

…That last point was not actually related to my current illness, but I wanted to express it anyway. Though Watson is helping me out in a couple of ways today. Whenever I get anxious on a flight, I think about all the people I know who fly all the time and it’s no big deal. My friend who’s a pilot. My dad, who used to travel frequently for work. My friends in my sport who are more successful than I am, and fly to international tournaments all the time. Professional sportspeople or entertainment people who are always flying around. I think if it’s okay for all of them to do this all the time and they’re almost always safe, then it’s not likely to go wrong when I do it only rarely.

This makes no sense, but the safest I’ve ever felt on a flight was when I once traveled to a tournament with a coach who was also a three-time Olympic medalist, and has all kinds of other accolades and is one of the most famous people in our sport worldwide. I kept thinking… obviously [this quite important person] isn’t going to die on a two-hour flight between two pretty unimportant cities, to a tournament that’s a big deal to me but basically nothing to her. That would be ridiculous. It doesn’t happen that we turn on social media and learn that a major figure in our community is gone because of something like that. Obviously this plane isn’t going to crash.

Actually, the flight to that tournament might be the second least anxious I’ve ever felt on a plane. The least anxious is after that tournament, during which I’d had a terrible weekend and drank until 5:30 AM and was nowhere near sober when I flew home a few hours later. Even though I did not happen to share the plane home with anyone who was more important than my most important teammate (and that person was kind of a big deal, but not such a big deal that they’d keep a plane in the air with their sheer stardom), but I was drunk so it was fine. Actually every time I’ve been on a plane drunk I’ve felt fine. Does anyone want to hear a Drive-By Truckers song about that? I was playing this on repeat during a whole flight home that I took a couple of weeks ago (at least, I played it during all moments when I was too nervous to focus on the Stewart Lee DVD show that I was trying to watch while not panicking) because its lyrics were appropriate and just fucking great lyrics.

“Well your wishes and your feelings/Your bad dreams and intuitions/Are about as much use to me right now as a brand new set of golf clubs/We've been this close to death before, we were just too drunk to know it/Guess the price of being sober is being scared out of your mind/ When it comes your time to go, ain’t no good way to go about it/Ain't no use in thinking ‘bout it/You'll just drive yourself insane/There comes a time for everything/And the time has come for you, so shut your mouth and get your ass on the plane”

I guess you kind of have to know who the Drive-By Truckers are to know how funny it is to say that someone’s fear of flying is about as useful as a brand new set of golf clubs are to the people in that band. Just trust me, they’re not the sort of people who play golf.

To be honest, I’m feeling a bit drunk right now, despite having resolutely scrapped my plans to consume any alcohol today, due to the invasion of the plague. I’m feeling slightly dizzy and out of it, and it’s possible that the plague is having a similar effect on me that whiskey would. That could be the explanation for why I just went on a mostly irrelevant tangent, or it could just be that that’s my nature. The way that tangent ties into the rest of this post is to say my recent forays into Twitter haven’t been a completely bad thing, because it’s how I know that Mark Watson had to sit out the end of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival due to COVID just a couple of weeks ago. He seemed fine. His chief complaint was that he didn’t want to cancel his shows or miss the festivities, and now he’s out there doing free shows after they cancel his venue. So… if I can convince my brain to accept the fallacious logic that other people being fine on other planes means this particular plane won’t crash, then I can just barely use that same logic to convince myself that if Mark Watson found COVID no problem then I’ll be okay too. The thing about irrational anxiety is sometimes you can beat it with irrational logic.

Anyway, at this point writing this is just vaguely therapeutic for me. It’s another distraction. Let me know if anyone’s got any advice. And thanks for this website and everything, you’re all great.