#i have so many thoughts and i cant articulate ANY OF THEM.

[cloudbends]

trying not to get disproportionately hyped but yesterday's horizons episode made me lose my mind to such a degree that I feel as though the next episode is gonna be like.. life-changing for me I fear.

[offmainsquare]

Trans man Wilson we all know and love but consider pre transition trans woman wilson.

[mosspapi]

This might just be a me thing but I'm so sick of the way that any GNC man is instantly assumed to be "an egg" or otherwise closeted trans woman, mostly in "progressive" spaces.

Like why is it that the second a man shows any form of femininity, it's because he's secretly a woman. Y'all do realize what that sounds like, right.

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

While we're here, I just want to add an example of a good response to Harris' video.

In the first half of the video, Harris briefly mentions a creator called Lukeypoo (who now goes by Luke Stephens) who had plagiarised Harris' Bloodborne review, and his response at the time was to deny it, signal to his alt right buddies and insult Harris.

After the video came out, Luke Stephens made a post on his community page regarding it:

For those, who can't see the screenshots, it reads:

A video went up on YouTube last night that showed something I did 6 years ago in early 2017, of which I'm very ashamed. I've talked about it on stream plenty since then and try to be very open about it, but I know a lot of people haven't been watching me since 2017 or have not heard me discuss this before. I don't want to hide from my mistakes or deflect, so very plainly here's what happened:

I was just starting on YouTube and I ripped off a phenomenal video on Bloodborne. It was a fantastic video by hbomberguy and after finding it through a Reddit post I tried to take his 1.5 hour masterpiece and make my own suckier version at around 7 minutes. I copied the premise, jokes, structure, and then pretended like it was all just a coincidence that they were so similar. I was a 19 year old idiot who thought it didn't matter because "he's a bigger creator so it's fine" and "it's just the internet." When I was rightly called out for copying his video I dodged, lied, and even attacked and insulted the appearance of those holding me to account, including hbomberguy himself. I copied someone's video, in parts word-for-word, and I pretended like *I* was the victim and *they* were being unreasonable. Unbelievable. There is no question at all: I was in the wrong, fully.

Let me be very clear: I whole heartedly disown who I was back then and what I did. Politically, religiously, and even morally/ethically I was a person that I hate today. I was an extremist, a bully, a religious zealot, and above all, a prick. This event sparked a spiral in my personal life that I didn't document online, but that has led me to who I am today. Someone who tries very hard to respect my fellow creators, audience, and to uphold a high ethical standard for myself. I strive every day to be a better man for myself, my family and kids, and for the community around me. And that's why I'm writing this, because I don't think we should hide from our mistakes or pretend they didn't happen. I screwed up, big time, and I stole the hard work of an incredibly talented creator and for that I'm incredibly sorry. I was 19, hard headed, and above all arrogant and unwilling to acknowledge I had screwed up. It took a couple years after that before I could openly admit what I had actually done, and that it took that long is all the more shameful.

I don't expect a response or certainly forgiveness, but for what it's worth, I am truly sorry for everything, @hbomberguy

For the last 6 years I've been working my butt off to be someone I can be proud of being and I hope you all can see that the man I am today is not the shameful excuse of a person I was back then.

I've never watched a video or stream by Luke Stephens so I can't attest as to his content, but this is one of the best responses I've seen to any kind of accusation, and so I lean towards believing him to be a better man than he was six years.

I thinks it's important to highlight the good response/s to Harris' video, to remind ourselves that plagiarism is not such an immoral action that from which you can't redeem yourself (though in Somerton's case, I'm less sure of that) if you take accountability for your actions, and to remember that in most cases, we should give people space to grow and become better.

The swiftness and brutality of Hbomberguy’s complete evisceration of James Somerton’s career cannot be overstated.

[mobs-99]

I think so much abt teru and shous relationship to masculinity sooo much and how that relates to their relationship with violence and their emotional expression and how I hc them as trans and how that reflects in their performance of masculinity.

But I cant talk about that. Because I'll go crazy.

[toychest321]

(I wanted to apologize for my lack of activity on this page. I had so many plans for posts I wanted to make for Ramadan, but this past month has been so horribly stressful. Whenever I have time free from schoolwork I'm so incredibly burnt out I lack the motivation to post. Now there's barely any time left before Ramadan is over, even though there were other posts I wanted to make. I'll probably still make them in the future, though, and highlight Islamic culture through dolls however and whenever I can!)

With that said, I'd like to introduce you to the most recently-released Muslim doll, Umm Amirah!

As far as I can tell, Umm Amirah was released in February of 2023 by the company Allova, a family-owned company based in the UK.

While the name "Umm" literally translates to "Mother" or "Mother of", it can also be used as an additive prefix for whatever trait follows. "Amirah", meanwhile, means "Princess", so (as far as I can tell) her name roughly means "she who is like a princess".

And that name certainly fits! While her outfit is relatively simple (which makes sense, since her primary demographic is those aged 3-7), the sparkling tulle outer skirt shows that subtle princess-y influence!

The doll comes in pink and purple outfit variants, and comes with a prayer mat, a pink bag to carry it, and a pink hairbrush. She has fair skin, blue eyes, dark or blonde hair beneath her hijab, and 11 points of articulation! Umm Amirah's is meant to be a cultural education tool, and introduce the practice of Salah to children.

As I mentioned in a previous post regarding the Morning (Fajr) and Evening Prayers (Isha), Salah is the daily process of giving prayer to Allah. It is the second pillar of Islam, and must be done facing Mecca.

A couple of months ago in February 2024, Allova also released this Princess Fashion Set. While it's not an official Umm Amirah fashion pack, I still feel like it could somewhat be classified as such with its name and their doll used for modelling.

The pack comes with 6 dresses: pale pink with dotted skirt; pink with puffed sleeves and ruffle skirt; blue with silver detailing, top, and belt; a blue summer dress with white and yellow pattern; purple; and black and white with white flower buttons and a polka-dot skirt. It also comes with four headscarves in blue, lilac, black, and gold, 3 handbags (tan, white, and pink) , and 3 pairs of shoes (black, silver, and fuschia(?))

I obviously cant post for each outfit combination, but I would definitely say that the blue summer dress is my least favorite of those available. The material looks the cheapest out of those in the pack, its design is comparatively simple, and the pattern is sorta tacky. I feel like the central concept could've been executed better.

My favorite looks, though, would have to be:

The full black and white look sorta gives me girlboss vibes, like something she could wear at her desk writing articles or modeling for the cover of a magazine! The blue dress, meanwhile, is sooooo elegant, like she's going to a fancy party in the evening! My absolute favorite though would have to be the gold hijab with the pink frilly dress, which takes the "princess" part of Umm Amirah to a whole new level!

In spite of my thoughts on the summer dress of the pack, I'm in love with this doll and its outfits as a whole! It's been fun putting out this post I'd been meaning to make for a while. A lot of the Muslim dolls I've found, while impressive, unfortunately don't seem to be in production much in the current year, so it's nice to see there's still options available! If you're still looking for a potential Eid gift, I'd highly recommend getting her from Allova's website!

Ramadan Kareem!

[sukunasweetheart]

//just me venting about sukuna haters sorry

Not me seeing so much discourse about whether sukuna is a well written villain or not... he essentially has no backstory shown as of yet and we barely know anything about him but he is still one of the most naturally interesting and compelling characters in the whole damn series bro 💀 buckle up bc its about to get lengthy (im just glazing sukuna in this post ngl so 🧎‍♀️)

so many whiny ass mfs are weeping about how he "doesn't have any personal goals or a proper reason to be a villain" when that is the whole point???? He lives on his own desires and satisfactions and does whatever he wants to, because he is capable enough to do that. Mfs want "real villains" but cant even handle sukuna 💀 ive seen too many shit ass threads and poorly articulated "critiques" on his character that dont make any valid points. If you can't even separate your personal dislike of a character from your analysis of their writing, dont even bother posting that shit please 😭😭😭 the fact that we haven't even gotten any information about his background yet and people are jumping the gun about him being "poorly written" is already saying a lot 🤨

The fact that yall are so bitter and angry about him that you can write 500+ words about how oh-so-terrible of a villain he is kinda proves that he's doing his job well tbh 💁‍♀️

What also bothers me to no END is how people compare him with villains of other series, who had compelling sob stories that made people empathise with them. Thats nice and all but why should all villains have grand ideals and be subject to feelings of empathy/sympathy from their audience?

Part of what makes sukuna so interesting is how he's not tied down by morals, rules or long term goals in life. He doesn't limit himself, which is what makes him an unpredictable character. He's completely left behind what it means to be human in many ways, and he's clearly not a character written to be empathised with. He is very purposefully inhumane and distant from everyone else, and that feeling transcends from within the series to real life as well. There is a clear lack of understanding bc most of us can't comprehend what its like to just live without being goal-oriented.

Sukuna is a true anomaly in the sense that he doesnt really fit in any kind of box within the series. He's born from man, but its clear that he separates himself from humans (and nobody else considers him human, either). He's not a cursed spirit. He hovers between life and death. The narrator referred to him as the honoured one, whilst angel referred to him as the disgraced one.

These little contradictions in his character make him all the more complicated and interesting to think about. And even recently, he's been shown to waver a little bit momentarily in the manga, questioning his own irritation at yuuji. He's capable of self reflection, and though sukuna does whatever he wants for the most part, he doesn't blindly go into things without some thought first, he's a constant thinker and analyser, and an intelligent one at that.

And honestly, he is always such a joy to watch and read, his personality is so flavourful, and the way he carries himself is very attractive. He's not afraid to get messy or of getting hurt, theres so much chaos in the way he does things and yet he also has a huge element of gracefulness to him, which shines through the poetic way he speaks. Its undeniable that sukuna simply oozes charisma...

And this isnt talked about enough but this man is genuinely so effortlessly funny (in a kind of sinister way i guess?) Like yes he is an old ass man having real beef with one FIFTEEN YEAR OLD for very little reason, he accidentally healed yuujis arm and somehow expected him to be grateful for it despite how he literally ripped his heart out afterwards, then he proceeded to sit on him after kicking him down likeeee 😭 what kind of behaviour is this sir

His facial expressions at yorozus yapping 💀 THE WAY HE COMPARED YUUJIS FACE OF DESPAIR TO THE HARIMA STATUE 😭😭😭💀😭💀💀😭 omg that was so foul but i was fucking losing it ngl

How he randomly compared gojo to a fish and started talking abt his scales... thats a very unique and descriptive comparison, isnt it? Even in the recent leaks, he was 100% ready and squaring up to a literal child talking abt "youre starting to get annoying" LIKE HELPPP 😭 HE FR SAID "fuck them kids and fuck you too"

I saw someone saying that sukuna has no passion, like are we talking about the same character....? This man is a literal jujutsu NERD 💀💀 he truly recognises talented sorcerers and the only time hes seen to be having genuine fun is when hes fighting a mf... is that not passion? This is literally sukuna when it comes to jujutsu: 🤓

Anyway im done here now, im pretty sure i missed a lot of things i couldve talked about as well but ive done enough yapping

[omegalomania]

fall out boy live performances i think about Often

the reunion show medley. how many goats do i have to sacrifice for you guys to do this one again.

disloyal order of water buffaloes, specifically the version that opens with the piano and the rest of the band comes crashing in at the second verse. my GOD man what do i have to do to make you do this version again

death valley live. thats all.

the time they did their stayin out all night remix live with wiz khalifa

the thriller aol sessions version is so good that i thought it was the studio version with mild reinstrumentation at first lol

the medley they did in 2015 where they mashed up all their hits and even managed to sneak in the uma thurman riffs at the end

can i link the entirety of the knights of columbus set? i'm gonna do that. go watch it. it's glorious.

i feel like not enough people talked about how good church sounded live. i actually kinda like it a little better than the studio version. patrick drops down an octave for some bits of the final chorus and i always love hearing his chest voice.

obviously i have to link one of the few times they've played headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet live. they did (coffee's for closers) at this show too and i think about it always.

they didnt do where did the party go live that often because it is MERCILESSLY heard to sing live but my GOD. when they did it. my god.

that one performance of the kids aren't alright where pete screams alongside patrick for the entire last part of the chorus ruined me in ways i have difficulty articulating.

the way way early version of sugar we're goin down they played live in 2004 before they changed all the verses

anytime they'd do just one yesterday live and patrick would do the bridge and kill it every time

the acoustic version of sophomore slump or comeback of the year they did for a private show in 2007. (they did this acoustic again in 2013 and i love that version too)

that one time they segued seamlessly from the chorus of alone together to my songs know what you did in the dark

MISS MISSING YOU LIVE YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME

any of those rare rare times they would do yule shoot your eye out live

when they did patron saints of liars and fakes at one of the reunion shows. don't touch me.

the acoustic session of tttyg songs (grenade jumper, chicago is so two years ago, saturday) they did that's on the my heart will always be the b side to my tongue dvd. they are so so so SO small!!!!!

save rock and roll live is like. so important to me personally it never fails to bring me to my knees. but specifically the time they did it for the mda telethon in 2014. joes backing vocals come through sO clearly and its SOOOOO AAAAAA

also the time they did save rock and roll live for vevo. BIG ouchie.

okay also the time they dedicated save rock and roll to bowie after he passed because pete gets VERY VISIBLY EMOTIONAL OVER THIS and i can't handle it.

we don't take hits we write them literally Only exists in live format so i have to give a special mention to that. what i would give for a studio version though...

it's hard for me to pick a favorite moment of the time they played wrigley field during mania tour. i was lucky enough to catch a livestream of most of the show and it was frankly magic. someathing has to be said for the energy in the way the show began...and for the way it ended.

im incapable of not bringing up the immortals acoustic version they did during boys of zummer. i cant NOT. joe and patrick sound sO GOOD TOGETHER VOCALLY, OKAY

i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off, acoustic sessions.....im okay.

remember when they opened some of the monumentour shows with THIS IS THE TAKE OVER, THE MOTHERFUCKING BREAK'S OVER cause. i do.

if youve never seen the stripped-down piano version of young and menace and only heard the studio instrumental i beseech you to watch the live version. i will never forget hearing this live. the whole stadium got so, so quiet in what i could only describe as reverence.

you know that one text post that talks about patrick getting all emotional during a performance of what a catch, donnie and then just sniffs a little and says "i'm a loss for words...which is a good thing i have a microphone, right? so i can keep talking." well this is that exact performance.

[thatneoncrisis]

Why does every 20-something year old on the planet think they’re going to stand up for marginalised groups by being a dick on the internet to strangers they assumed to be something they’re not. All those authors you dislike, turns out they were just people, and some of them trans themselves too! What a shock! Maybe you could have gone about this a better way, but I suppose the option to be a cunt is a good one too. You’ve definitely improved the TLT fandom in a measurable way with this move. Which transfems are more important to you? The ones who like the fics you don’t, or the ones who like the fics you do? What about the ones that are writing the fics you don’t like?

Could have raised the issue in so many other ways, decided the way you were going to go was to be as incendiary as possible and now you’re surprised when its hurt people who are part of the same group you claim to be sticking up for? Maybe next time you’ve got a problem, you raise it more constructively, if you’re actually this invested in raising the point in a way that improves the situation for those you’re championing. As a multi-chapter satire fic would imply. Might have to do less damage control after that way at least.

alright. i mean again ive spent the last year writing content that i want to see, and i was only very recently made aware that some of the fics read as playing into transmisogyny are written by trans women, i understand that those authors are also just people who have no obligation to like what ive done or agree with it. im not surprised about whats happening stop saying im surprised or never expected this

but im trans. i have friends who are across the spectrum transfem or otherwise. i constantly see them raising this issue to be met with the "dont read and touch grass" excuse, because the idea something can be made for someones own comfort is met with other people outside of that bubble being really hurt by it. which is what is happening now. i resent the idea that a particular member of a marginalized group cannot make harmful content in relation to said group. i made it because i was fucking angry. i made it because it was easier and compiling every single instance of someone treating gideon like a fucking slobbering dog brainless piece of meat who cant function in the proximity of femme pussy. no group is more important than the other, but both deserve to talk about it. i wrote a story being big mad and now im getting feedback, that is literally all i wanted

i am officially sick of this "i expected more from you" ass tone, as if i didnt give this extensive thought and execute it anyway, for the large swaths of trans and fans of color who DO agree with me and DO have a problem with is. stop pretending like i am completely and utterly fucking incapable of recognizing the nuance of the situation, that i made something that was harsh because i was tired of seeing the same shit uncritically produced and read by people. i will never be able to stop anyone from writing what they want, so i wrote what i wanted, and ultimately im on the fence about its execution. i have just enough right to be upset as you do, and im sorry im not 30 years old and keeping my mouth shut, because lets not pretend there was any world where i could form a post articulate enough to keep people from interpreting it as "big dick bad and i hate fun" that maybe gets thirty notes

[changbinsboobs]

id also like to know changbins opinions or thoughts on idols who have lazy scandals ie: they might be more hard working for their own solo projects but in their group they look like they dont even want to be there or arent always putting in enough efforts cause these days they can kinda half ass it if they want too with the whole lipsynching debacles that occur so yh id love to know his thoughts on these sorts of topics cause hes been an idol for so long he must have many feelings bottled up

cause i think hes one of the hard working ones who always want to improve or maybe do something entirely different with the groups direction cause i think skz have a habit of always playing safe and going with whats familiar to them and their fans how does he feel about skz direction and what more does he want to add or do in the near future or does he see himself going into acting and venturing out of the idol image or away from the group?

oh and how does he feel about the complexity of idol performances does he want it to slow down or remain the same? does he feel he gets enough freedom or not enough? what else do i want to know from changbin?

U don't know how happy i am to finally see a Changbin request😍😮‍💨 THANK YOU!!!

Changbins thoughts about idols with lazy scandals?

He's thought about that and thinks thats an issue that should be observed from multiple perspectives before making a judgement and he thinks a "scandal"/ situation like that has multiple sides to the story and he refrains from making any judgements if he doesn't know the situation himself. Also he thinks thats hardly a scandal and people should revise their (omg his articulation is so specific im cant even keep up, he wants to use words i don't even know, help😭) view of what components make up a scandal (i literary had to go to chatgpt to help me find the right words/expression. Still not satisfied tho, but its better than nothing). If tho it is proven that the idol is lazy performing for solely unprofessional reasons he's not really bothered by it as it doesn't affect him in any way. And if then it has a positive effect on him cuz people who appreciate effort can clearly see the comparison and appreciate his effort even more. He knows he's kept his dignity and pride towards himself and doesn't really care what other people do with themselves.

4oC, The Hermit

How does he feel about skz direction?

He does agree that they stick to whats familiar but he doesn't think thats necessarily a bad thing because that has brought them the success and bag they have today. Which is wonderful! He does wish though, to mix things up every once in a while but i think he wants to talk more about that later on in the reading. He wants to have a bit of darkness and a shocking element to his/their performances and songs, like the sound of the beat, the arrangement and melody, he wants the lyrics to shock and get gasps out of peoples moths. He wants a big reaction out of people that don't even know how to react to what they just heard/saw because its THAT good and THAT different and THAT weird! But more on that later (he keeps saying that and then he keeps on talking😂, i think he's excited)

(Also while he was talking i caught glimpses of his ideas/what he means and i really do hope he gets the opportunity to do something like that either solo or with the group or with other artists but i think we all will need that to come out and will EAT IT UP!!!)

(There's much more hiding in the Card but i feel like if i listen to it all, i'll write this post until tomorrow and won't even come to the rest so for now I'll leave it at that and see what more he has to add in the next questions.)

4oP, WOF, AoS

What does he want to do in the future?

He is actually thinking about it even now in the presence. He's evaluating multiple options and thinking about which one suits him best and will bring him most fulfillment. His focus is for it to bring him inspiration. Meaning he wants to be passionate and burn for his craft, he wants to go inspired to work every day and do something useful and meaningful. He also wants to be authentic, to be himself, to be free and have power in himself. Like have authority over himself? He can choose what he does, how he does it, etc.

2oW, 7oC, THP, PoS

His feelings on the complexity of idol performances

That they take lots of effort and skill. This also means u have to have discipline, u have to invest time, blood, sweat, tears even more, into it. You have to burn for the stage, and when you do you get rewarded. The stage rewards you. The screams rewards you. The praise rewards you. You feel loved and you feel like you did well. You grow and your confidence grows. I don't think he wants performances to get easier, he likes a got challenge and he like a good opportunity to prove himself and his abundant abilities.

The Chariot

Is he satisfied with the amount of freedom he has?

"What freedom?" Ugh😅 i was hoping for something more positive. But to be fair, he explains that even tho he doesn't have freedom he'd like to have thats what "pays the bills" for now - and i actually feel like a more accurate expression would be - serves the wine - cuz the money they get ain't just for bills its for buying cars and purchasing mansions. (I think he's someone that really appreciates money, idk how to explain it but i don't see a shame or something in him abut money like there is with lots of people, for example he has mentioned money several times in the entire reading, he's not focused on it tho, like its not all there is in his mind, but he also doesn't completely shut its existence or importance in certain matters and just makes sure to involve it as it is - a main piece of the picture). Back to the reading - he has much more to show, to offer, to create but the boundaries he finds himself within don't allow him to. I feel like mostly the beautiful and the light and the vanilla is allowed. Only thats approved. And i think he has tried to push (expand is a word he likes the sound more of🌝) the boundaries a bit but he was almost always met with a decline and until now things have been always kept in a pretty aesthetic package. So i wouldn't say he lacks complete freedom like he said in the beginning, he does have certain boundaries within he has freedom of creation but those boundaries have become way too small a long time ago and have begun to even feel suffocating, to the point he often loses his inspiration or desire to work on pieces or projects - as I've read in previous readings. But nonetheless - it pays WELL🌝

Death, 9oP, The World

Anything else he wants to add?

Yes!!! Stay tuned for my boys upcoming projects and look forward to him in the future he's gonna bring something new and fresh to the table and feed the innovation & diversity-starved!!! Basically - i believe he's already making place for something in the future, probably a solo or mixtape or something where he'll blow out mind. I suppose with their new contracts maybe he has negotiated more freedom to himself and his creative endeavors and is excited about the new creational power he now has/will soon have and what he'll do with it.

8oW, The Magician, 5oP, The Emperor

Also a quick disclaimer - the reading became more a channeled reading than a tarot reading so i hope it was still understandable and coherent.

[sapphire-weapon]

yeah not denying that, but one of the basest aspects of being on the aspec spectrum is the lack of attraction not lack of expression

aromantics still get married despite the cultural belief marriage is romantic same applies to many other western culturally believed romantic things because to them they lack romantic attraction aromantic within aspec community means lack of romantic attraction. terf definition is lack of any intimacy its a negative statement meant to push exclus bs

believing someone cant be aspec because they enjoy physical contact is terf rhetoric, its exclusionist rhetoric that 'real' aspecs should be completely cold stone touch averted people which is just a negative stereotype which is mostly spread by terfs it all goes full circle into 'not something i understand thus it cant be real or valid' rather than the fact that people understand and feel stuff differently, terfs say for lesbians to be attracted to transwomen they cant be real lesbians, because they arent, vice versa same is used for aspec people sorry if this isnt articulated correctly its also late where I live

comparing this to terf rhetoric is so absurd to me because terf rhetoric is based on the idea that gender doesn't exist/is intrinsically tied to a person's genitals. no one is saying that romance doesn't exist -- or that aromantic people don't exist. it's a false dichotomy.

a more accurate comparison would be me telling you that your line of logic would dictate that you think that CBT doesn't work, because that's actually what it's sounding like to me. the argument that i keep getting put back on me is that behavior and cognition have absolutely no relationship to one another -- or that a person's environment doesn't influence them.

this is why i said:

i was also speaking in generalities. are there tiny little micro cultures throughout the west where this is a thing? where those expressions of intimacy are completely removed from any romantic intent? sure. but in general, 99 times out of 100, if you find yourself yearning for someone’s physical intimacy, you’re experiencing a romantic longing for them in a western context. this is how you were raised culturally, and it takes A BIG EFFORT over MANY YEARS to unlearn that and decouple those two concepts.

what i'm talking about is how culture influences people's thoughts, desires, and behavior.

what you're talking about is... i don't know, assuming that i think aromanticism is a complete lie 100% of the time all the time. but i say right there in that quote that it is a thing. people have these experiences, and they're real.

however, i acknowledge that i then went on to say:

very often, i see people use “aromantic” as a stand-in for “i don’t want a relationship” – but that’s not what it is. but to experience that longing, to experience that yearning – that is a romantic feeling. even if you don’t want to be committed to that person. even if you have no desire to devote yourself to them at all. it’s still romantic in nature, because culturally, those things are romantic. and i have a really hard time believing that random 20 year olds on the internet have managed to completely decouple themselves from their cultural upbringing and totally decontextualize these actions to such an extent that they exist in their own micro culture. more often than not, these are young people who are intimidated by intimacy and sexuality and don’t really feel comfortable with who they are yet, so they slap the word “aromantic” on themselves because they don’t want to be bothered with romantic pursuits – but that doesn’t mean that they’re wholly disinterested in romance. there’s been a pushback in recent years against anything surrounding the words “romance” and “romantic” and that is really what my initial statement was about. “romance” has become almost a dirty word in some fandom spaces, because of people’s own personal discomfort with vulnerability and flaws in themselves and others. if it’s not romantic, then it’s less vulnerable, and so people strive to be as invulnerable as possible.

so let me explain.

people who are so staunchly against the concept of "romance" in fandom spaces who are very young and likely have a poor self-image and little life experience -- which are the very specific people i'm talking about; i'm not talking about aromantics in general, i'm talking about this very specific subset of people -- need to be careful that they're not co-opting a very real term for a very real thing that exists and using it as a band-aid over their own damage.

that's why i continuously use the words "yearning" and "longing."

and if they do that soulsearching and come to the honest conclusion "no this is really me, i'm really decontextualized from my cultural upbringing" -- then that's great, and i support them. but i'm willing to bet that, for a lot of these younger people, they find themselves yearning for romance while not wanting it to happen to them in a practical sense because some other xyz reason -- and then lashing out against romance in response.

like let me tell you a story. i have been celibate for about 15 years due to a very traumatic experience i had at 18. i could very easily make the argument that i'm aroace based on my lack of desire for sex or a relationship. one of my go-to lines when people ask why i don't have a boyfriend is: "if i wanted to be that responsible for another living creature's emotional state, i'd get a dog." in fact, a coworker of mine was convinced that i was aroace based on what i told her about myself, and she tried to convince me of it. and eventually, i just had to get firm with her and say: "it is just. TRAUMA." and walk away from the conversation.

but how many people -- especially young people -- don't have that insight about themselves -- or don't want to accept that part of themselves? it's easier and more appealing to accept the thought that you could be aroace because, if you are, then there's nothing "wrong" with you. the damage isn't there.

aromanticism is real.

asexuality is real.

these are real things that people experience in life.

but so are trauma and emotional damage and negative self-image. and they're ugly, awful, terrible things that no one wants to be burdened with. some people don't recover from them. and i don't blame a single person for grasping for a perceived "out" that's offered to them. if i was younger, rawer, closer to my own damage -- maybe i would've let my coworker convince me i was aroace, too.

and so i posed the question of where this backlash against romance was coming from, since people in fandom want to see expressions of romance in media so badly (but without the romance part)? because, culturally, in the west, what they're asking for are expressions of romance. and that comes from somewhere.

this is not a black-and-white issue. there's layers to this. it's nuanced. the conversation keeps getting boiled down to "is or isn't" and "inclusion or exclusion" but i feel like that's just not helpful. to blindly accept what people say on its face doesn't help anybody. this is why people are fucking fighting all the goddamn time.

i wanted to know where the backlash against romance was coming from, so i looked at it from a macrocosmic perspective. i took into account culture and psychology and stigma against mental illness, because i don't think it's productive to just broad-brush say "IT'S ALL JUST AROMANTICS!!1"

we need to be able to talk about these things, man. it's important.

[lexydakitten]

yo sam you should check out those clangen blogs there's soooo many of them on tumblr. maybe even make your own if you're bored enough and wanna practice making comics

do not push me towards enlightening myself with new ways to express creativity sobs /j. also that image was the only time i've ever done anything comic-y, i dont have any intention to learn how to do it because i dont plan to do it again atm

sorry for forgetting to answer the other time floof btw. i forgor how to articulate my thoughts again. i would look at them but im not super into clangen anymore tbh. its cute but i get bored i cant remember who anyone is and they multiply So fast.... my brain spinny /silly

[thylacoleocarn]

it took 10+ years but i finally give you…… gaynya

(okay yes, technically this is nomad valerie but she's Just Another Enya so im going to refer to her as such. it counts!)

sam! theyre just two best friends who make out and have sex sometimes :) PLENTY more below the cut, but that's a fair enough summary tbh

so the real catalyst for their relationship is, as said in the big au rambling post (hint hint), shared trauma. theyre only a year apart (enya's 12, sam 13) and before everything they werent really friends since they had such differing interests.

during their confinement, the only comfort they found was with each other. it was easy enough to maintain post-abduction, strengthened by enya going mute to everyone besides sam, and both feeling safer together. plus, enya being beside sam gives her the confidence to speak up for them both. became almost completely inseparable. both have moments where they need to be alone - enya's paranoia needing her to be on lookout, sam's to finding a quiet, dark corner - but otherwise, one was never seen without the other. and always holding hands, mostly so sam can drag enya around.

once in their teens (14, 15), they start to branch into more sexual territory. experimenting etc. gives them the assurance to try the same with others (sam morose than enya). this is where the friend-dating line gets blurred, though both agree that dating comes with too many expectations and prefer the friend label for ease. even if they both know theyre not really that, either, hence, friend soulmates.

they both think theyre being subtle, but even in public, they are very physically affectionate. doesnt take too long for most everyone else to pick up on it. generally their relationship is thought of as… odd, but theyre not hurting anyone and make each other happy.

as they get a bit older, they get more comfortable spending time apart. give each other space to explore their hobbies, interests, and other relationships.

they dont have any real fights until after enya's first gig (18, 19) - comes back injured and snaps at sam's concern (out of pain, but she's still unnecessarily nasty about it). sam, understandably, takes offense and refuses to talk to her for a few months. theyre both miserable and make everyone around them miserable and everyone just wants them to make up. enya does apologize and sam accepts it, eventually, but its not the same as before.

on the sarah note, enya is up front with him about how, while she (and sam) arent good at articulating why, they know theyre very important to each other and that's a non negotiable. big ol monk man is, of course, fine with this. the schism between her and sam is a big reason enya is drawn to sarah as quick as she is (though that's just how sarah and enya work out tbh).

still, sam and enya are together again, happy. both mellow out more as they get older (21, 22). tease each other endlessly, especially so sam to enya once she finds out about her and sarah. supportive of her girl!! one of the handful of people at their ceremony. so proud.

cant last forever (though they would if they could). shifting back to canon, sam decides to leave a year prior to the bakkers disbanding. enya sticks around a few more months, call it hope, but its hard on both of them.

they stay in contact and do reconnect post-relic. sam ends up finding herself a lovely wife and a surprising amount of enjoyment running a diner kitchen. enya stays with the aldecados, but if theyre ever near enough to flagstaff, she'll make the trip to spend time with her best friend.

i dont have a WHOLE lot on her specifics, but for the time being:

=minimal cyberware. also has memory dampeners in place, more due to panic attacks. has them removed much later through controlled therapy. =is the more fiery of the two. snarky, mouthy, stubborn. capable of backing up her actions, but isnt really a fighter. thats what enya's there for, who will defend her girl, regardless of who started it. sam returns the favor, just with words, not fists (or her knife, if need be). =likes working with her hands, but not so much with machines. handy and knowledgeable. might not be a fighter, but an excellent driver. has run a few gigs with enya where she needed the extra help. =her clothing choice indicates this, but is not comfortable with much (any) exposed skin. therapy helps later on down the road, but until then, she stays covered. will whine about how hot she is only to enya. around anyone else she puts on a very brave and stoic face (which enya teases her about, of course). =same with smoking. will share a cigarette with enya, maybe a puff at a party, but straitlaced otherwise.

(i TOLD yall i was obsessed with this au)

[misspickman]

fero pickman and xue yang. i know all your comics friends have you covered

fero !

Sexuality Headcanon: bi i think. i dont think hed care about defining that tbh. also keith once called him aromantic on twt and idk if thats generally considered canon but i enjoy it<3

Gender Headcanon: little guy. again to me? genderqueer but idk if hed care about it. in a modern au maybe, but less because he wants to define it and more because people would ask that of him. which maybe just makes him refuse to define it even more. much to think about

A ship I have with said character: ephero.. theyre so real in my heart.. i dont think about them much anymore but when i do. ah :(. also ferol he fucked that old man

A BROTP I have with said character: fero and hella and adaire,, what we could have had,, also mother glory. and samol. anyone of the main pcs tbh just put this guy in dynamics

A NOTP I have with said character: uhh idk honestly. i cant think of anything rn? im sure i have some but ?

A random headcanon: do you remember when we gave him a bunch of cats in our au. also: always fixing shit. this is how he shows he cares. he will not say it but he will fix that hole on hellas roof and be grumpy the whole time

General Opinion over said character: he has changed my brain chemistry irreparably. listening to seasons of hieron and going hes just like me fr (derogatory)

pickman!!!

Sexuality Headcanon: lesbian. probably not something she thinks about much, a la "im probably nb but i have a job so idc about that now"

Gender Headcanon: my big butch wife. but in general same as above, she is what she is and shes too busy to dwell on it, and its not like its anyone elses business, right? also what even Are gender expectations of a caprak? i dont think this is ever discussed but i would like to know

A ship I have with said character: pickman/chantilly scathe.. man

A BROTP I have with said character: alekest :) and colette<3

A NOTP I have with said character: uhh idk i cant imagine her with men. the lesbian energy is off the charts

A random headcanon: i would like to think she gets more into art after zevunzolia. maybe into wood carving. it would be sweet. would she write poetry.. i dont think she would consciously sit down to do it but she is Very good at writing letters (thanks jack, for that<3)

General Opinion over said character: miss pickman my wife miss pickman.. we shall have a spring wedding.. i think about her six travelers ep So much. "I think it is something magical that separates us. Again, I am not speaking metaphorically."

xue yang :)

Sexuality Headcanon: probably bi. similar to what i said for fero but for entirely different reasons, i dont think hed care

Gender Headcanon: you see this is a Question. its been so long since ive actively thought about this so i cant articulate it but theres something going on there

A ship I have with said character: songxue, songxuexiao, i love a very horrid and messy xueyao too. any ship with xue yang is horrid and messy but in most cases the horridness is one sided but in xueyao its both of them. this increases the levels of horridness. u get me

A BROTP I have with said character: in my beautiful mind and nowhere else? wen qing. in a more realistic sense aqing and meng yao

A NOTP I have with said character: oh im sure there are many xue yang ships i would not enjoy but i dont wanna think about it rn. but uhh him and mo xuanyu? i just dont vibe

A random headcanon: in any modern au i am giving this guy soo many tattoos and piercings. also motorcycle guy

General Opinion over said character: i miss him its such a shame i can never step back into that fandom. also changed my brain chemistry but in a completely different way

[ciaran]

i'm the anon who sent the befriending ask.... i am very very curious about more of your thoughts on the complexities of csa. i was thinking about this the other day because i was reading far from the tree and

[The perpetrators in the Horace Mann scandal] were wounded, confused people trying to figure out how to function in a world that taught them their homosexual desire was sick […] someone whose core being is deemed a sickness may struggle to parse the distinction between that and a greater crime

i'm not sure i agree with the line of reasoning in this paragraph (i think often perpetrators are not "confused" so much as "desperate") but i do think incidences of csa, especially as relating to homosexuality, do often occur due to the way society has treated gayness (in a way that makes it "safer" to experiment across a large power differential)

hello!

discussion of csa and homosexuality and criminalization

one of the things i was thinking of as i wrote that post that i didnt include because this thought process isnt fully...processed...is that many of these crimes are contingent on certain ideas we have now about crime and the effects of actions. a lot of the causality we take for granted now did, at some point in the past, have to be learned... an understanding of it did not come intuitively to the people causing or experiencing it. i find the language of "excuses" sort of unhelpful and limiting, so i don't want to put too fine a point on whether something is Wrong even if the person doesn't Know They're Doing Wrong or have An Intent To Hurt. these things are fuzzy and not the topic of conversation to me... what matters is that like, articulations of why something wrong change from period to period as knowledge grows. so like, now we would say that child abuse is bad because you're causing indelible harm to an immature psyche at a stage when this harm will form the basis of their interactions with the world. but at a certain point in the past the explanation was more along the lines of "you shouldn't have sex with a teenager because sex before marriage is wrong and bad and you cant get married to a teenager" [well, you could also do that, and many people did].

so with that out of the way, i also have to wonder how much of a role... homosociality and the kinds of relations it favored and enabled played a part in the tendency towards relationships with a wide age gap. there's the reason in the quote you mentioned and which i went over in my post, that an ethical-but-illegal act gets conflated with an unethical-and-illegal one due to their shared illegality. that's one thing. but also i wonder if it was...accepted practice in some fashion to clock younger gay men, effeminate teenagers and noticeably limp-wristed dandies, and fold them into a circle of homosexual activity (i make it sound very depraved nkdjfskf) via seduction or whatever. like there's a difference to me between making out with someone much younger than you because otherwise they might try to kiss their classmate and get hatecrimed and...grooming with the intent to isolate and abuse. i'm not saying it was always innocent or that there weren't predatory gay men but there's a noticeable discrepancy between isolating abuse and drawing someone into a circle of relative safety and normalcy from a young age.

i don't know much about this topic and i am basically just applying my reasoning and imagination to it. which is also what i did in my original post so im pleasantly surprised to find corroboration, and it's a very interesting quote for sure - i agree that it's desperation in general, and the confusion is more likely to arise from (for example) having had similar experiences in their own past and reproducing them due to a lack of framework.

thank you for the ask! im sorry if it stops making sense at any point im very sleepy and we just watched perfect blue so my brain is pretty fried. if you dont want me to have answered this ask publicly let me know and ill make it private!

[shirajellyfish]

hello, I'm back because i've read more (chap 83, meet reed), and now I'm really missing being able to comment! cause on certain chapters I want to point out certain cool things but I cant! and I don't want to keep sending asks so I am just going to dump as much into an ask as I can!

First off, this has become one of my favorite fics of all time, I especially love how you write the animatronics! you acknowledge that they aren't human, theyre robots, but still give them complex personalities and shit, it's like what sun said a few chapters ago i think, pointing out the middle option. its so very cool.

second, youve made care for Sundrop and Lune more than any other daycare attendant-centric fic has. ever. sometimes I think about certain things about them and I feel big sad. good job. makes my heart shatter again and again and again again again

third, FREDDY FAZBEAR!!!!?!😲😵😲😧(I have nothing else to say, cant articulate my thoughts about this)

fourth, sad to reed leave so early(I knew it was too good to be true), but I'm wondering. did moon know the "Bonnie shit" would freak him out? was it on purpose or by accident? (you dont have to answer this part if its revealed later in the fic)

oh I sent one ask to not be annoying but its so big now. and I might send another when I read more. I hope you don't mind

I'm late here, so guest comments have returned by now, but! You left me a lovely comment and deserve a response! Thank you so much for the wonderful comment <3

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your kind words. The idea of something that is not human but is still a person was one of my big goals for the fic, and one of my main motivators for writing it. It was very much a "write what you want to see" moment. After reading a bajillion amazing fics, I found that not many focused on that aspect (all of them were very good, that just wasn't what they were going for.) So I decided I'd write it myself :)

Ahhh the persistent "oh no I remembered something" sadness. I am rubbing my evil little raccoon hands with glee to have inflicted it upon you, after so many fics have inflicted it upon me haha. I hope the fic can bring you some persistent joy, too.

I can't go into tooo much detail right out in the open because spoiler to those who haven't read, but! Lune did not know. It was not purposeful at all.

I very much don't mind, thank you so much for all your fun thoughts! I really appreciate it!