#i have so many things and people and shows i like my mind goes blind the second im asked about it xD

[ghostbustting]

HAII I LOVE YOUR WRITING SMM 😋😋 I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD WRITE A DAVE MUSTAINE SMUT?? I IMAGINE THE PLOT BEING READER AND DAVE CREATE A SEX TAPEE :3 IF NOT THAT ONE YOU CAN DO FAMOUS SINGER!READER AND DAVE MUSTAINE SECRETLY DATINGG :3 🫶🏻 alright thanks for listening to my Ted talk

loved both ideas so much, so i decided to combine them (turned out way longer than I intended to write 😭)

╰┈➤“𝑪𝑨𝑴𝑬𝑹𝑨 𝑹𝑶𝑳𝑳„ ๋࣭

Dave Mustaine x Singer!Reader

Contains Smut.

Camera flashes my way as I walk out of the building, a forced smile painted on my face, trying to push myself past the people asking questions and their annoying cameras. There were people calling out my name, trying to get my attention here and there. They push and push through the other people, their mind careless as they all continue to swarm over me.

Sunglasses were a must in these conditions, like a shield to my eyes from those horrible flashes of lights that can blind my eyesight. They were also convenient in hiding the look of annoyance I hold behind my eyes.

I could barely see the path I am walking on, the vision of my destination in front of me was blocked by them as well. Not to mention how much their presence here are decelerating my walk, almost like a living barcade, preventing me to leave.

My own name fills my ear. At this point, at least they didn't hear how many irritated sighs I let out.

A lady who seemingly work at a news station, or just coincidentally own a microphone and dresses professionally, shoves a microphone my way as she ask me the question of, "Are you releasing anything new soon?"

The sudden appearance of the microphone caused me to flinch the slightest bit. Yet I force myself to smile, leaning down to the microphone to answer, "Uh.. yes, a new album's coming on July—"

I was cut off when footsteps storms their way into the swarm of people. Looking up, I found the culprits to be these four guys; long hair, tall, chicks in their arms, and famous enough to pull some of the people's attention away from me. More specifically, they are Megadeth.

When one of their shoulder collided with mine– obviously intended, I was pushed away a little, giving them more space to do their not necessarily dramatic walk. It wasn't really hard for me to find out that the one that bumped their shoulder into mine was none other than their lead singer, Dave Mustaine.

What people saw when he bumped into me was the interview he had not long ago. That redheaded man was saying how music like mine is unnecessarily famous, even mocking the way I was singing and all. That interview was taken when I had beat him in a nomination at an award show. I was grinning all night that time.

But what I saw when he bumped into me was different. I was focused on the paper he slipped right into my hand the moment our shoulders meet, an act so small and sneaky yet an act so big if any of the people around caught onto it and the fact that he wrote his hotel room number in it.

Once they walk away, I smile to myself and chuckle, looking back at the lady that was asking a question. "Well, there goes Megadeth and their dramatic entrance." I laugh softly.

By the time I answer two more questions, I manage to skedaddle away and into a taxi, having most of the people to be pulled away by the charming mighty Megadeth. But I guess Dave just knew how much I didn't like interacting with paparazzi.

There's in fact a lot of things that Dave knew about me actually.

My favorite color.. my favorite animal.. my favorite artists.. my hobbies.. the perfume I wear.. the way I laugh.. the shampoo I use on my hair.. the things I hate.. the taste of my lips..

Too many things, perhaps.

Yet all those things had to be kept behind doors, whenever we have the time to be alone. Just the two of us. Not a single bandmate of his. Not a single paparazzi. No one else. Just us and our little secret.

By the time the taxi stops at my destination, I step out of the yellow coloured car and look up to see the tall building in front of me, windows of hotel rooms seen up there, one of those windows belonging to Dave Mustaine's hotel room.

"You came."

The man stood there in front of me, having previously opened up the door of his hotel room to my knocks. He was wearing a white button up shirt, the only buttons on being the three last ones, the rest on the top unbuttoned and giving me a peek of his chest. His belt was on, yet unbuckled, just resting loosely around his waist.

Looking up, I'm met by a precious grin on his face as he look down on me, leaning his side against the doorframe.

"You begged me to."

I return his grin the same way he was wearing it, almost as if we were looking into a mirror— just that our reflection's a different person's body. A beautiful chuckle of his fill my ears as he stood straight again.

His hand rose up, reaching out in the air between us, a silent ask for my own hand to be placed on top of his spread out palm.

Willingly, I place my hand on top of his and let him wrap his fingers around my hand, his touch gentle yet with a sense of possessiveness behind it as he slowly take me inside of his hotel room. That hand of his trails up my arm until he wrap his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to his body as we walk further in.

My body against his, I can smell the fragrance on him with our proximity as we walk.

"Is that.."

"-Your perfume? Yeah. Obsessed with it."

I turn my head to look up at him, finding him still staring at me with such focus, the grin on his lips becoming softer now. The way he spoke his words so simply yet so genuinely are always able to shoot butterflies right into my stomach. But with that look in his eyes as well is just way too much for me to handle.

As we approach the bed, I return the smile on his face. He slowly bring me with him as he lay down on the bed, kicking his shoes off, my own heels following after his shoes.

We lay down on the bed, his head resting on the pillow while mine was on his chest, the beat of his heart pressed against my ear, my arm over his stomach as his lips place kisses on my head, arms wrapped around me.

For a moment it stays like that, just silent moment with him showering me in kisses, my mind focused on how slightly fast his heart was beating, my fingers fiddling with his hair I've grown to be oddly obsessed with.

Dave's voice was soft as he spoke up to me, "How was your day?" He asked me, one of his hand coming up to run his fingers through my hair, moving some strands out of my face as he leans down to kiss my cheek.

"Same as everyday." I sigh, twirling a strand of his hair using my finger. His lips continue to place kisses all over my face, an act I've loved so dearly, yet also an act that we couldn't put on display out of the closed door.

He chuckled softly and focused on kissing my jaw, my breath becoming heavier just the slightest bit from the way his lips rubbed up and down my jaw. "Fame, right? Fun but tiring." He mumble against my skin.

I hummed at his words, a silent agreement, my fingers brushing his hair as he continue to kiss me all over.

That's when he moved to my neck and his kisses becomes way more sloppier, my skin feeling partially wet from his messy kisses. "Dave.. what are you doing?" I giggle softly, feeling his teeth grazing my skin as he bite down a small hidden mark right below my ear.

"Missed you... all day long.." He mumbled. His hands trails down to hold my waist, his grip firm as he caress my body through my dress, feeling me all over. Yet I knew right through his touch that feeling my body with this dress as a barrier from my skin was not the same to his liking.

"Hey, listen.." Dave pulled back, a wider grin on his face now. A grin of mischief. A grin of trouble.

Preparing myself for whatever his idea was, I took a deep breath and smile softly at him as his mouth opens yet again, he spoke slowly. "I have an idea. Something you can take your mind off to."

My eyebrow raised, a small curiosity rises in me as his words managed to take hold of my interest. How bad could this be anyways? Besides, I don't mind a little distraction from all the fuss I had today.

A small chuckle manage to escape my lips as I tilt my head, rolling my eyes in amusement. "I'm in." The moment I said those two simple words, a glimmer was seen inside those beautiful eyes of his, a glimmer of excitement, knowing I was willing to do what he have to offer.

Wasting the night just feels right with him. No matter if we do something stupid, or absolutely useless shit, he just knew how to make me feel like the most important and seen person in the whole universe. Like I was here, a precious possession of his.

Dave was just.. the biggest jerk, idiot, and sweetheart all at the same time.

And that's why minutes later after our conversation, I was on the bed still. Yet this time, the elegant dress that once covered up all the inappropriate areas of my body now tosses aside, like it has some other nights before this one. His own shirt and pants accompanying my dress on the floor.

I watch patiently from the bed to where he was standing, his focus for a while solely on the camera he was handling, pulling up a chair and placing the camera there in order to keep it steady, just close by the bed, the lens catching our bodies just perfectly on the bed.

"I swear to God.." I sigh and stare at Dave, pointing my finger at him. "If this gets out and my reputation's over, you're dead, Mustaine."

He laughed out loud, no doubt finding my fear of our little movie getting leaked amusing, as if that's what he was aiming for at the first place. "Yea yea, just shut up and be sexy for the camera, won't you? I need this to jerk off to." He winked. I'd be lying if he wasn't being idioticly smart with his words despite rolling my eyes in annoyance.

With a press of the record button, the camera starts catching each and every one of our moves, the thought and realization hitting me like a ton of bricks and made my heart start beating faster.

I can't help but also rethink the thought of getting this tape leaked, the thought of the public actually knowing how this man takes care of me and make me feel... the thought of the girls wanting him seeing me being the woman he worship.. It makes me press my thighs together, unable to deny the soaking spot right in the middle of my panties.

I was soon snapped out of my thoughts when Dave gets back on the bed, hovering over me, his eyes gazes upon my almost completely bare body with such lust and excitement, the tension of his gaze struck right through me and into my soul.

My breath becomes heavier the moment his hand reached up and cupped my right cheek, his thumb moving to gently stroke my skin in a circular motion, a motion I wish he was doing to my aching clit down there.

He leaned down, his lips immediately finding mine and connecting with such ease, our eyes fluttering close as I wrap my arms around his neck and pulled him into me even more, wanting to be one with him, to merge souls with him, to be connected forevermore until the end of the multiverses.

With our lips still focusing on each other's, his hands trails to my back, his fingers reaching out to unclasp my bra, something he manage to do with one hand from how much time he had done it by now. My bra slips off me and was toss aside with such ease.

Dave then pulls back from the kiss, I whine at the sudden loss of his lips. "Dave.." I breathed out, my breath hitching when he took no time to waste, his lips now attatched onto one of my erect nipple, meanwhile his hands found themselves a new and last piece of fabric to discard from my body.

He gripped the fabric of my panties, his mouth sucking the skin of my breast as his fingers pulled on the laced piece of clothing, the stitches of the fabric starting to pull apart, making me flinch the moment he ripped the panties into pieces, groaning against my breast.

Small desperate moans leaves my lips like prayers, just the sensation of his lips around my nipple was enough to make me lose control of myself. My eyes glances to the side, finding that same camera, feeling the lens of it catching every one of his movement and every single noises that I let out.

Dave's hand meets my jaw, turning my head towards him as he takes ahold of my attention yet again, "Keep those pretty eyes on me." He demanded, his intense gaze always able to make my eyes lock right with his, meanwhile his body slowly lowers down the bed, all the way till his head was hovering above my thighs which were being spread apart by his hands.

My thighs gave in to his touch, separating just as far enough for him to be able to have a full gaze of the dripping cunt I have on display for him, his eyes forgetting how to blink while his mouth felt a needy thirst. Next thing I knew, his head was buried between my thighs, fingers gripping onto them, while his mouth was desperately eating me out, his tongue working like a fucking magic.

"Ah... fuck... Dave—" I whimpered, my legs were shaking, I had to control them to not kick his back.

But the amount pleasure that even his fingers could give me is always such a breathtaking thing, almost as if every inch of his body were past lovers of my own, knowing damn well just how to please me as if he has been doing it for over centuries.

His lips were making out with my pussy, his nose nudging the sensitive clit, making me lose my mind a hundred times more than I originally was by the thought of recording the way he would make me feel every little chances we got ever since we started this little secret of ours.

His name seems to find it's way our of my lips again and again like a non stop prayer for him. My hand slowly reaching down to run my fingers through his hair, clutching on those gorgeous locks and pushing his face further more against me.

Every now and then, his groans would vibrate up my body, giving me goosebumps.

My back arched the moment his fingers joined in on this mischief of his. His tongue continued to work magic on my dripping hole while his thumb was rubbing my clit harshly, knowing just how much it can make me crumble.

"D-dave.."

He pulled back once he heard my voice, his thumb still circling over my clit. "Yea?" His voice was cracked and oddly raspy, out of breath from his little eating out session.

"Now.. please?"

A small sly grin was seen on his lips, his eyelashes fluttering my way, looking as pretty as ever that I just want to kiss him all over.

"Whatever the angel wants." Dave spoke as he sits up between my legs and start taking off his boxers.

The usage of that nickname never failed to bring butterflies into my stomach. Not when he literally admitted it himself that he called me "angel" because he thought I sounded like one. Him. David Scott Mustaine. The guy who just days ago compared my voice to a muppet giving birth.

I watch as his boxers was thrown aside, revealing the hard cock that has been hiding behind those fabric all these times. We've done this million times, and I'm never not enchanted by his length.

"Ready?" Dave ask as he took his cock in one hand and pumped it while his other hand held my hip.

"Please."

He looked up at that word, watching as it leave my lips and watching the look in my eyes. Showing how truly desperate I am for him. Each and every night. When we're together. Or when we're not.

Locked in his gaze, I gasp when he suddenly pushed into my entrance, filling me up at once with his lenght. Just the way he knew I loved it.

"Fuck.." I breathed out, reaching out to hold onto his back while he hold onto my hips.

Almost immediately, he started thrusting. Slow and nice at first. His cock moving back and gently pushing back in.

I watch the way his hips move, back.. and front... back.. and front, each time feeling his cock move as well in me.

Dave shook his head, leaning down to burry his face in the crook of my neck, his hands running up and down my torso, "God.. how I want to show the world how weak of a metal rockstar you got me.." He chuckled breathlessly, his lips grazing the skin of my neck.

That was when he start to move faster, getting more and more worked up as time passes on, his cock throbbing in my tight walls, needing it’s release.

The volume of my dirty noises were only increased from the way his hips pull all the way back and slam right back in, repeating his movements fast and hard like his life depends on it. In this moment, it probably was.

Pathetic moans and whimpers of his name leave my lips non stop, his own whines and groans muffled into my neck whenever I let out my voice. The way he moves in me was always something so overwhelmingly nice and pleasing, which able to distract me from the camera sitting nearby, still recording our deeds.

Dave sit straight up again, taking my hips back in his firm grasp. From that second and that look in his eyes, I knew he was taking this way more seriously now, just getting the much more dirtier side out. The love, the lust, the care, the need. It’s all seen in his beautiful hazel eyes. My walls clenched just by feeling his eyes caress my body with that intense gaze.

Almost immediately, he hold my hips still and fuck me with the speed of lightning, fucking me like there’s no tomorrow.

My eyes widens and a cry was pulled out of the back of my throat, a cry for him. “Oh fuck! Dave, yes!” My voice only encouraged him even more, groaning as he slam in and out of me, feeling my walls hugging his length tightly, a feeling I knew he loved so dearly.

”Gonna cum for me, angel? Please do..” He whispered out, still breathless till now, “I need you so much..” He was so sweet with his words. Always was. I can’t help but nod and try to utter out a yes.

The moment the tip of his cock nudged that one special spot in me perfectly well, I came undone with his length still stuffed deep in me, making him groan as he feel my release all over his cock. “Mm fuck..” I whimpered, panting.

Following close behind with his own release, Dave thrusted into me one last time before shooting his cum straight into me, painting my walls white while he slowly pull out of me, making both of us moan at the sensation of our cum dripping out of my hole.

Dave quickly grabbed the camera, aiming it to the cum that’s still dripping out of me and onto the pool of cum on the bed sheets, then up to my fucked up face. my chest heaving up and down as I continue to pant for breath.

”Words for the camera?”

My eyes look up at the lens and I tiredly grin before pulling out my middle finger at it, causing Dave to chuckle as he cut the recording, staring at the camera for awhile before he practically threw the camera aside and lay down on the bed, holding my body close to his own as our warmth combined into one.

"Naughty girl."

[coffeegnomee]

Mapicc just left the call and I have too many thoughts to wait until after I finish the vod.

it is so Fascinating to me how 1) Mapicc is good at communication and 2) how much he patiently bides his time.

Mapicc has been not putting his own desires (bloodlust) first ever since he ended the experiments. We saw all like last week how he was willing to not kill Kab for Zam and there was so much discussion over how much he will do anything for Zam because he just wants to be around Zam again.

And so he doesn't mind putting the bloodlust to the side as long as it makes Zam happy, because that makes him happy.

But this day Mapicc, once the imminent threat and fight was over, immediately got Zam into a call and confronted him about Derap and then, in the most, like, extremely confident and clear way, explained how Zam not letting him kill Derap made him feel.

He was up front about his emotions, did not project, deflect, or throw shade at Zam at all, and basically just let him know how he was upset that Zam got int the way of his kill and how much he did not like that.

MAPICC: "hmm. Okay. I get you're mr pacifist [..] saving people, but like, my kills are my kills.”

MAPICC: “yea I- they're like my justifications. You know what I mean? So it’s like, it sucks when like, my kills are fucked”

MAPICC: "and like if I had killed him you could have had the heart and then we could have had a better chance of killing the actual bad people. And what would derapchu have done? Had slightly less of his already way too many hearts”

After each of these point he pauses, letting Zam hear what he's saying, letting Zam process it, waiting for Zam to acknowledge where he was coming from.

And each time Zam agrees Mapicc is right. He sees Mapicc's point.

And then the most devotions comment of the conversation:

ZAM: "but should I be allowed to turn a blind eye in that sense?” MAPICC: "well I don't want to be in a situation where I can't talk about what kills I'm gonna get or what I’m doing and I have no backup, you know what I mean?”

He doesn't want to not be able to tell Zam what he's up to. He doesn't want that situation, so he's getting ahead of it and letting Zam know immediately how he feels.

I can't help but feel like this is exactly the reason why Zam always ends up with Mapicc in every season. He is incredibly good at communication and making his point and his opinion clear.

And because he has such a clear opinion on how the server works and what makes it work best, he is incredibly persuasive and Zam ends up following him wherever he goes. (I've heard whispers Zam is thinking of leaving now, haven't gotten there. will be interesting)

I've thought so much over the years how Lifesteal is about convincing other people to do your thing.

Walk into your trap, show up at a fight, yap with you, join your team, stop their lore, whatever it is, the entire thing revolves around persuasion.

Which brings me to the second point, Mapicc is incredibly patient.

The week before the experiments ended, in a muted stream that was saved on the archive, Bacon and Mapicc talk about the server, and Mapicc says his one main goal is to get all the pacifists to break. (9/4/24)

And a week before, while Zam was cleaning up the burned down tree, while talking about how quickly Flame gave up on his fight, Mapicc said, “He’s never fought princezam. He’s gonna have to learn like a new, like dedication to the sport” (8/25/24)

Now, I don't actually think Mapicc had some grad evil manipulation arc to get close to Zam and get him to break (though I'll admit at the time my brain automatically thought everyone is pulling a Spoke wormhole at all times)

But it is more that he realized he would be much more effective in getting Zam to change his opinions if he was close to Zam and could build the trust necessary to get him to see why Mapicc thought his view was flawed, and as an added bonus he would get to hang out with Zam a lot for free.

And here we finally had the perfect moment. Zam died in a fight. Because he had low hearts.

So Mapicc makes it clear how Zam's actions made him feel and then drives his point home about why Zam should think differently the rest of the conversation:

MAPICC: "it’s not cause you were playing shit it's cause you have nothing bro, and it's like, you're a crutch to yourself [..] which is like, you can be a crutch to yourself, but like mapicc is the healthcare” ZAM: "I wanna beat them in pvp. I wanna be able to take them on in a fight and win” MAPICC: “you know what you have to do for that?” ZAM: "*sigh* yea I- I do” ZAM: "and the only person who died in that fight was me” MAPICC: “[sing song] and you know why bro. Like genuinely. Like you can't keep doing this. Well, you can if you want to, I mean obviously you can if your morals, but like-... I don't think it’s the best move” ZAM: "and all I can do is just stand in the destruction” MAPICC: "yup"

Mapicc's ideology for the server is that fighting is always a good, conflict and content should happen all the time. You should kill because it progresses the server forward in some way. You should always have some reason to back up your murder, but that reason can be small, the only important thing is that you have a reason and it is something you can communicate.

He also thinks power is always a reason to kill someone.

Zam on the other hand, Mapicc's beloved friend, does not think the same way, at least not in full. Zam understands conflict should happen on the server, and that the powerful should be fought, and in those situations devotions flourish.

But Zam operates from a character motivation, which he will change season to season, and from his emotions, which means his opinion about himself and his past actions has a HUGE pull on why he does anything ever. This was literally the foundation of this entire stream starting with a 40 minute reflection on s4 and vitalasy.

They are fundamentally, for their deepest core perspectives, ideologically opposed for their opinions on how to act on the server.

Idk if they'll ever be able to be on the same team forever. Sometimes, for brief moments, everything lines up and their devotion runs wild. They work the most synergistically of any duo on lifesteal ever.

But then Mapicc's bloodlust gets too strong and Zam's emotions get too loud and things fall apart.

At least, historically.

(oh, and felt the need to add at the end here that operating from emotions is not a /neg statement. It is entirely /neutral in my mind)

[cursedcatchild]

Ok, so I watched TOTTMNT and I am here to rant. Also, SPOILERS ahead!

So First of all, if I had to sum up my thoughts into a single sentence it would be: For the love of God, put those turtles back together, where they belong!!

I didn’t hate the show, but I didn’t come to like it either. And no, I did not have any prejudgment just because it was a new iteration. Honestly I was super hyped for this version, because the movie was a blast. Yea, I ended up being disappointed. But let me just elaborate on that:

First let’s take a look at our turtles from worst to best in my opinion.

Mikey:

Yepp, ladies and gentlemen so far I have never seen a single iteration where I didn’t come to like a Mikey. He’s always among my favs. But this version felt super shallow. He had just as much screen time in the series as his brothers and yet I still have no idea who this guy really is. His jokes were lame not really landing, I couldn’t really point out any particular goal or insecurity that anyone could relate to. Also, the guy is super oblivious. Like he took ten minutes to realize he walked into a robbery when he went for groceries. Heck he was having a casual conversation with the robbers. 

Leo: 

Another kinda shallow guy. Sure we seen a bit of insecurity, he literally quoted Rise Leo saying “ I’m nothing without them!” but it felt irreal. Because Rise Leo had a reason to think that, he wasn’t as much of a functional member of the team and he was always taken for jokes. But right from the beginning of TOTTMNT we see Tales Leo commanding his brothers, they listen to him  and even say it multiple times how planning is Leo’s thing. So at this point this Leo is just fucking blind. ( Also April slaps instant self confidence into the boy.) 

Raph:

Ok, this is also the first time, but I never really took a liking to a Raph before Tales Raph. Boy is filled with anger and sass, yet he’s not coming off as a total jerk like 2012 Raph. And of course he's not a super softie like Rise Raph ( I don’t hate Rise Raph for being a softie, he's my second favorite Raph) either. He had some fun pipe up and overall a personality I got. I think he’s the most perfect Raph I have ever seen. 

Donnie:

The best character of the iteration in my humble opinion. He was relatable, funny, honestly he was stealing Mikey’s job as the comic relief, but at the same time he’s the smart guy. The boy is ranting about not being the IT guy and then goes reprogramming an evil robot. Oh and he saved so many lifes, because he stopped a fucking train crash. He’s epic, I swear.

(My fave screenshot ever 🤣🤣)

Now story wise:

🔥What the fuck was this dumpster fire?! 🔥Who thought splitting up the turtles would be fine?! 😑Especially in a 12 episode season? Look, I don't mind solo or duo time. There were plenty of good ones, for example Rise. I adored the Mikey vs Leo cook off episode or the Gumbus one, but for the sake of my sanity Rise had twice as many episodes and the turtles were not split up for the majority of the story.

Like I'm not joking when I say they were together in 4 episodes intotal.😨😨

Now I heard rumors left and right that the fact that they need to make a show was thrown at the team at the last minute ( IDK how true is that) , but goodness gracious even if I was presented with the task with a “ Due tomorrow label” I could still write a better story. Especially with the goldmine what the writers decided to ignore.

Yes, something that would've made TOTTMNT be really unique….. School people! We were promised that we will explore the turtles from the teenage side. Ummm….Hate to break it to ya all but I think there is no better way to do that than putting them into school.

It would’ve been fire to see them trying to fit in, balancing all the cool hero stuff with school life, maybe wrecking the school, seeing how other teenangers adjust to the fact that now giant talking turtles are their classmates. It wouldn’t be some crazy mind blowing plot, but I swear it would've been amazing.

Now don’t misunderstand me. Despite the story feeling like being all over the place it wasn’t that super bad, but I’m pissed that it could've been better with ease.

Also another thing that bugged me, is the feeling of something missing. IDK if anyone else who watched it felt like this, but I legit felt like if we just grabbed the for example farm arc from 2012 TMNT and aired it as season 1. The fact that the turtles were split and they kept mentioning that they have always been fighting together made me feel like I should’ve seen them do that.

Anyways, If I did not take your will to watch it away, go and check it out. It's not horrible but not great either. I’m disappointed and I'm gonna need Rise back, thank you very much!

[arcanecor3]

Sister parallels.

Okay so, this is me trying my best to explain my view of the parallel between these 2 scenes

Firstly, a little thing to keep in mind is that in this parallel, s2 Cait represents s1 Vi and s2 Vi represents Powder 

A big fight just happened, s1’s was the Vander rescue mission and s2’s was find Jinx, and both ended up going wrong because of someone who was supposed to help (Powder; s2Vi). After everything goes down at the s1 warehouse, we see Vi screaming and she is angry (i’ll come back to that later), and then Powder shows up with the “my monkey bomb finally worked” line we all know, and on s2 we have Caitlyn being the angry one because Vi didn’t let her shoot.

a little parallel with the lines:

“you did this?”-s1vi to powder

“you stopped me”-s2cait to vi

“i was saving you���-powder to s1vi

“that was a kid! what if you missed?”- s2vi to cait

Now, both s1 Vi and s2 Cait are blinded by anger and grief, so even tho the other person (Powder; s2vi) is explaining themselves (in Powder’s case it wasn’t the greatest explanation, but she does states that it was an accident, and s2 Vi was being rational), they don’t really listen because of all the anger.

then, Vi slaps powder, making her fall, and that’s when Powder desperately asks: “why did you leave me?” to which Vi answers: “because you’re a jinx! do you hear me? mylo was right". Now on s2, basically the same thing happens, just in a different order: s2 Cait says: “I keep telling myself that you’re different. but you’re not. it’s her (Jinx’s) blood that runs in your veins”, then Vi asks her: “then why are you the one acting like her?” and Caitlyn hits vi, knocking her to the ground. AND IN S2 WE EVEN GET A SHOT OF ANGRY CAITLYN LOOKING AT VI CRYING, JUST LIKE S1 VI LOOKED ANGRY AT POWDER CRYING. LIKE HOW SICK AND TWISTED IS THAT.

Then both s1 Vi and s2 Cait walk away, leaving the other one crying alone on the floor. 

The thing is that crying is the exactly what we expect from Powder, since that’s how she was during the entire scene, because that’s how her character is. but not Vi. Because during the entire of the s2 scene vi wasn’t actually crying, in fact, Vi barely cries in the whole show, the only time we see her actually sobbing is during the bridge scene from s1e1, when she saw her dead parents. And since then, she has trained and fought to become a person who can protect those she loves. And even when everything goes down at the s1 warehouse, we only get to see her a glimpse of her crying before she tried to go back to powder, but she’s mainly angry, that’s the way Vi usually reacts to these situations. She gets angry. And she tries to do everything in her power to go after who hurt her/the people she loves.

But this s2 scene is different. She simply has nowhere to go. Once again, she lost everything. Her family? dead. you might argue there’s Jinx but as Vi herself said: “my sister is gone”. the last person she had was Caitlyn, and she left, and Vi now feels like she ruined everything again, because that’s how she is, she burdens herself with the guilt and blames herself. So when you see Vi just, on her knees, crying, it’s just so devastating when you think that she is like that because her life is essentially over. All there’s left to her is cry. Just like Powder in the end of s1e3, s2e3 Vi lost everyone.

But that’s when the parallel ends, because it’s when Powder was in that desperate state that silco came, and even though his character divides opinions, you can’t deny that he took care of and loved Powder (who became Jinx).

Vi doesn’t have anyone to come and save her, to wipe away her tears like she had done so many times before for Caitlyn and before that for Powder. She is alone.

thank you to whoever read this entire thing for contributing to my arcane obsession, and shoutout to my amazing friend who helped me put this together @crzytoogetherr 🥰🥰

[originaltravelerfun]

my biggest problem with hazbin hotel writing after everything

guys do you notice how badly vivzie doesn't want to directly mention the theme of morality?

its always there, it flashes everywhere but she chooses to walk on edges. the redemption, extermination, falling in hell, god we literally have hell vs heaven war with these themes. and after everything the question "is this the right thing to do?" just exists like small stream of wind.

never in the show charlie asks herself "is my redemption plan is right?" she should know that there are very bad people who can also badly hurt others because she is there for a long. but this knowledge never brings up and we have to accept the fact that charlie is just an infantile and too stupid to comprehend evilness despite also knowing what good means. its really weird how the princess of hell who should already know the hellish history and society acts like she for the first saw someone like valentino being evil. SHE DIDNT LIVE FOR LONG IN HEAVEN (what could explain the blindness towards evil nature), SHE LIVED FOR LONG IN HELL, FUCKING HELL. how after many years she cant deal with the evilness of her people and instead just believe in a power of friendship? WHERE SHE WAS SO SHELTERED TO GET THIS MINDSET IN THE END?

its very weird how every theme that is revelant in this show, is literally connected with defining good vs evil BUT vivzie never, never makes us think about that. we just should accept the writing telling us what happened is good or bad, or even worse, doesn't matter and it was just for funnies (like that rpe joke with Sir Pentious).

the reason why this morality thing got in my mind is that im afraid what season 2 brings to us. im afraid that they will never mention elephant in the room: possibly irredeemable people. and hearing another doubtful information makes me scared that viv goes to the route "actually, there is no evil people and it just fault of some metaphoric disease that makes people evil!". and im very afraid of this happening in the future because it seems to be that everyone just ignores the existence of Irredeemableness. like doing evil doesnt really matter and there is just winners/losers side of history.

for some reason Sir Pentious in the past got in hell because of him ignoring the situation. let me mention he is the first to be ascended of all sinners and this backstory makes him pitiful for a reason. of all backstories, they chose the most depressing one. where he is a shut-in who had no will to change the inevitable situation. bro do not tell me you didnt do this to make another point of "innocent sinners"

emily. if not for emily, i wouldn't writing this. she is the angel version of charlie who also promotes "sinners deserve redemption" but also ignores existence of serial killers, rpists and another kinds of "that evil" people. the same problem charlie has but i can understand it at least.

I am not scared for saying this. viv seems to be not mature enough to even explore the concept of her show if she is afraid of exploring complete monsters (like exploring undoubtable evil AND NOT MAKING IT CONTROVERSIAL LIKE WITH VALENTINO AND ANGEL) and just stays on the line "of pure good (every main character) and wrongful revenge (VVVs, Adam, Lute and other exorcists, not gonna be surprised of Lilith adding to this group)".

of all characters, i only feel sympathy for lute (and also sir pentious with how he was handled throughout the show). sera was just stupid and wanted bloodshed because of her special placement in an angelic hierarchy. i dont believe this bullshit of her caring about well-being of her people when she went with extermination as it was nothing. all she should have said is that there are very horrible people and hell is not worth of being a threat to her lovely power. well, they didn't go for this route for some reason. now sera got in wrong too and she got in the first group with everyone.

TELL ME

TELL ME WHY NO ONE STILL POINTS ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM AND WE JUST ACCEPT THAT HELL IS JUST MISUNDERSTOOD

This is why I only care about Lute now because she is the only who has brain to acknowledge that there's monsters in hell

im so done with this show bro

[hoodreader]

ASTROLOGY & SHADOW WORK. signs ur currently going thru the transformative process of working on urself, ur shadows, and healing karmic wounds.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ menu — forms — readings ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

everyone is constantly working on something.

read for solar return, progressed, profection year, and transits.

invest in a journal.

TWELFTH HOUSE SATURN. ☽.🪦.☾ the twelfth house is the house of self-undoing. sometimes, we are blind to how we are our own worst enemy until we get a lot of 12H energy or are in the year ruled by the 12H, or we have a transit 12H dominance. this also will be an indicator of shadow work.

FIRST HOUSE SATURN. ☽.🪦.☾ this similar to the twelfth house profection year thing, but the thing about a 1H saturn transit means that saturn just transited from ur 12H. ur being expected to apply what u learned in isolation and integrate it. it’s almost like a test, because what u learn(ed) and what u apply will influence u until the next time saturn transits ur 1H. u will also probably be in ur head more.

FOURTH HOUSE SATURN. ☽.🪦.☾ this some deep-rooted ancestral and karmic work at play. contrary to what is believed, the houses associated with the earth aren’t the 2H, 6H, and 10H. the houses most associated with the earth is the 4H, as it’s the lowest part of the chart. it’s also the most quiet and intimate to u. this shows a lot of shadow work. lots of isolation. as the 4H and saturn both rule over graves, metaphorical death and the stagnancy that follows. u may feel like ur in limbo.

EIGHTH HOUSE SATURN. ☽.🪦.☾ this is the house governing over death, loss, lack of control. this is a house of obstacles. and is a house full of grief. because of that, saturn here (a malefic, a ruler of death, and so on) doesn’t automatically mean ur going to die soon or the year(s) of that transit lmao. but it may be filled with grief. with torment. it’s an ancestral house and transit. when u dive deeper into the origin of ur existence, u can more easily understand things such as ur karmic inheritances (indicated by the 8H saturn) and more.

SATURN ASPECTS. ☽.🪦.☾

TO THE SUN,

to the sun, saturn will bring shame. this is because the ego will lead u to believe pride is the opposite, but it’s actually the source. saturn will strip away ur selfish distractions. so u are left to nothing & and it forces u to seek satisfaction without temporary validation — whatever it is being validated.

TO THE MOON,

to the moon, saturn will cause loneliness and seclusion. u may feel no one understands, relates to, or empathizes with u. u could be holding onto grudges. saturn may bring fear to ur sense of emotional security, which should teach u to be secure in ur self. to let ur soul be enough. u will also be encouraged to do shadow work or the hidden / repressed side of urself. i feel like people fixate on how saturn represents neglect to the point that they forget ur not supposed to neglect urself.

TO MERCURY,

to mercury, saturn also causes loneliness, as u become isolated from community. in a way, ur mind works against u as well. pessimism… lack mindset… etc. it’ll even show in how u breathe. breath is the indicator of life. what do u breathe life into? u will also have ur logical mind tested.

TO THE NORTH NODE,

to the north node, u will see how ur karma informs ur destiny. are u even ready to accept it? my good friend isis and i have had many talks about people manifesting lives outside of their means. & that’s because they manifest without doing the shadow work. sometimes y’all don’t even be ready for the responsibility that accompanies ur destiny, so saturn tells u where u must mature. what u must surrender. and this goes with the south node; saturn aspecting one node will cause an aspect to the other.

TO THE SOUTH NODE,

the south node, u see how past karmic debt informs destiny. the south node shows what our downfall is — how we may fall on our own sword. likewise, saturn informs us of our weaknesses. ur weakness may lie in ur own self-undoing, ur ancestry’s unpaid karmic debts, ur lack of accountability, ur refusal to rest (or) ur lack of commitment (depends on the conditions). saturn aspecting the nodes really emphasizes the personal responsibility we have to ourselves and our own destinies. it also can show we use our past as a crutch… and no. u gotta move past that. move past the consumerism and materialism. it’s a distraction from ur mission.

tadaaaa. i hope y’all find use in what i’m saying. even if y’all not experiencing transits, i still advise that if y’all got these placements natally, you maybe ponder on it nonetheless.

have a good one y’all.

[thatsmybook]

A few times, I've heard Lisa and Rojda talk about how Young Royals is about the class system and a queer Prince, but also, it's relatable because not only do the cast look like teenagers, they act like teenagers in today's world. So it's also a show about teenagers. With that in mind, I'd like to talk about Simon Eriksson, working class, immigrant, and mixed race student at Hillerska, falling in love with the Prince.

Simon, in S1, deliberately kept any problems about Sara and his life at Hillerska hidden from his mum because he did not want to burden her. He lied to reassure her when she'd get worried about Sara and equally made decisions to help Sara's wellbeing at school. It seemed that he was taking care of his mum and sister when his dad left and after the abusive relationship that seemed to have really affected the whole family. This is why he doesn't share anything bad that he's going through with his mum. He's trying to protect her. He always has.

As to the comments he is getting. I think he is reading them because often they concern his family and are from the people in their town. That, along with the phone calls at night and hate-mail mentioned by Linda at the court hearing in S3 ep1, this means that he's on hyper-vigilance about threats to him and his family. So, my theory is that he is monitoring his comments and engaging to try to defuse things. But just like in all 3 seasons, his actions often lead to more problems.

This is a 16 year old kid, the youngest in his family, doing things an adult should be doing. This is very relatable for many working-class single parent families. Something to add about first-generation kids of immigrant families, having an extra layer of working to help the family navigate the country and society they're in.

Also, as to the comments, there have been many real life incidents, unfortunately , of teenagers getting hate comments online from their peers and bullied to the point of taking their own lives. Simply telling them not to read the comments may not have worked for them. (Yet so many reactors to this season think it's that simple).

Simon is getting a volumous amount of hate comments, which started right after the sex video was released in S1. At that point, the comments were in the print media.

He needs actual support, less obliviousness from the adults in his life about what is happening to him (that includes the Royal Court), and understanding about the actual effect of comments on his mental health from everyone around him. He is a victim of actual hate, and when I hear about any child going through that kind of regular abuse, my heart goes out to them.

Seeing how supportive Simon's dad could be in this 3rd season in his conversations with Sara, we can see how much Simon actually misses his dad. Because had he had a relationship with him, without the baggage of Sara's need for distance, he would have probably noticed that Simme needed help and been quite good at it, when he could manage it.

However, we as the audience seem to be blinded by Wille's more important problems, partly because the show is largely from his POV, but also because his pressures seem bigger. As a result, I've seen fans come down on Simon for not putting his life's woes in perspective to support Wille more. We start to see big cracks in their relationship and start to feel that they just won't work out.

But, they're also just kids in their first relationship. Miscommunication is completely normal at that age. They've only just been spending actual time with each other this season and getting to know each other. Yet they are dealing with adult problems, and so many of us fans are shouting at the screen - talk to each other! I feel like, if I were one of them, there is so much weight on me that I'd be too scared to open the floodgates and actually tell my boyfriend what's happening because I don't want to scare him. And no wonder they spend most of their time making out. It's the easiest part of their relationship and what gives them actual joy at the moment.

So I give grace to these characters and kudos to the creators of the show, for showing ACTUAL teenagers dealing with real life problems, amplified for drama because of the dichotomy of being a Prince and a commoner. But, I don't judge ANY of the characters when I apply the same analysis I've given here to Simon to all the other four characters. What this show requires of us adults is empathy for their plight and maybe a closer look at the teenagers in our lives. What it does for the teen audience is show them that they're not alone when they mess up or are dealing with life pressures. We as a society won't judge them. We will work to understand them and share their burdens.

[caustinen]

Omg I’m actually so in love with your Hollywood au 😭😭 do you have any headcanons for them? Like how they started dating, or what they do on a daily basis, general domestic things!!

Hi!! Sorry I took so long to reply but your ask sent me SPIRALLING — this whole au was such a random quick thing and I never expected it to go anywhere, but thinking of a response to this I got so into it I might actually manage to write something!

Just the first meeting hc got so ridiculously long that I’ll respond to the domestic hc’s (I HAVE SO MANY) on a separate post and tag you! Thank you for the inspiration luv 💘

HOLLYWOOD AU! First meeting:

Their first impressions are not very good… John hasn’t made it big yet but he’s definitely getting some attention so he decides to relocate to Hollywood and find a good PR-team around himself despite having always thought that the marketing/branding side of his profession is capitalistic nonsense — and while he has changed his attitude to the exctent of ”if you can’t beat them join them”, he’d still expect all the suits to be cold business men who don’t care about the art of it all.

Gale on the other hand expects all actor clients to be self-obsessed nepo pricks; he’s been climbing in the industry steadily for years and enjoys the challenge of bringing the best versions of people out and finding them their best options (he takes pride in being very good at what he does) but since initially he ended up in the industry through his love for film, he’s also often annoyed by the up-and-coming stars who only care for the fame.

Loud, relaxed and seemingly no-care-in-the-world John fits this prejudice perfectly, as does John’s expectation for an uptight, borderline rude PR-executive in a suit — at the end of the meeting he chooses a much more laid-back seeming guy called Brady to represent him, and Gale is relieved he’s not stuck with him, he really is, despite the teasing, annoying smile of that bastard refusing to leave his mind for the rest of the day.

Their second meeting is somehow WORSE, in a week or so a meeting runs long so Brady invites John to after-work drinks. Gale looks so different out of his suit (now in a white t-shirt and black pants that hug his waist tightly, hair mussled and curlier after a long day of running his hands through it) that Bucky is absolutely blinded for a second and goes to introduce himself flirtily. Gale stares at him for a bit before informing him they met last week and while John is able to laugh it off with the others, this doesn’t exactly help with Gale’s image of him (why can’t i get that smirk off my mind when he couldn’t even bother to note me??)

It doesn’t help that Bucky gets very drunk and keeps seeking his company, not caring he’s only receiving grunts as reply to his stories told draped over the blonde’s shoulders as Gale sips on his non-alcoholic beer (he also shares the Buck story and starts calling him Buck like in the show), and whatever progress John might’ve done to make him almost smile a couple of times is undone immediately as he flirts with everyone else just as much when he leaves Gale’s side, cementing him in Gale’s mind as a playboy who’s gotten a bit too into his own head with his modest success lately and decides to forget all about him.

After that they run each other a couple of times at the office and social gatherings, and things are civil enough, they chat briefly each time but there’s some strange tension between them that makes Gale uneasy and John confused and a bit frustrated because he usually gets along with everyone but this man just seems to be immune to his usual charm; he can’t understand why the man is seems so cold and barely ever speaks up, that sweet smile he rarely sees him show others is completely wasted on him in his opinion.

They only properly meet again at a premier of John’s new movie a couple of months down the road, the first one under Gale’s firm, and end up in the backroom between the red carpet and John walking into the theater post-film (Brady is busy with organizing everything) and it’s TENSE, they’ve never been in a room by just the two of them and John is obviously nervous wreck which makes him antsy and Gale isn’t making any effort to make small-talk to ease his nerves (he’s not a natural at that okay, and esp with John he doesn’t know what to say)

Only when John is basically doubled over on the couch groaning into his hands as the film approaches its end Gale is forced to interfere. ”Why are you so upset?” ”They’re gonna hate it.” Gale is thrown off, never expecting to see this vulerable side underneath all that loud confidence. ”They’re not gonna hate it.” John scoffs. ”And how would you know?” Gale frowns, annoyed. ”Listen, it’s not Casablanca but you had to know that walking into the project, and you give it enough life to keep the tension up ’till the end. This is your best work since Thorpe Abbotts so just sit back and relax.”

John stares at him, mouth open, despair forgotten for a while. ”You know my work?” he asks, blindsighted, and Gale blushes and turns away. ”Maybe. I go to most films they show in my local theatre so don’t make too much of it.” John doesn’t have time to digest the words properly before he’s ushered to take the applause of the crowd, but it stays with him.

Things shift after that. John starts to pay attention to what Gale says, and realizes while he might speak rarely, when he does it’s always meaningful and thought-out. When Brady wants to make him do some new audition tapes he asks him to bring some of his collegues for second opinions, and he’s satisfied to see Gale roll up to the little studio they’ve rented one afternoon.

Wanting to impress Gale apparently works wonders because he feels like he reaches a new level with scene they’re working with, and the feedback reflects this. Even Gale gives him an approving nod, which somehow sends butterflies down his insides.

He turns his show-off when they go for drinks as a group next time to actually have a conversation with the blonde, and it turns out Gale is OBSESSED with old hollywood — whenever things were bad in his childhood home (often) he’d hide himself into the world of fiction of all kinds, and he’s seen an obscene number of films and loves learning trivia about it too, film star biographies are his favorite genre of books. He used to go to his little local movie theatre so much he was eventually offered a job there and could help with picking the movies, but his brief dreams of being an actor were never realized as he knew he needed a less pecarious job to give himself the stability his childhood home didn’t offer.

Learning these pieces of information draws John even more facinated with him, and Gale seems to be laughing at more and more of his jokes too. Once Gale lets his guard down he has also started to see John underneath the bravado, and makes mental notes to check out the books he recommends and he might even lightly flirt back these days, secretly enjoying the those dark, observant eyes fixed on him and squeezing into a surprised smile.

All in all, it’s been going better for a while until a faithful day, when they’re doing another auditiong tape. Bucky’s been rejected from a film he really wanted earlier that day, and his previous film has gotten some lukrwarm reviews upon getting into streaming services, so he’s in a shitty mood, and the unimpressed faces Gale keeps making annoy him to no end.

They call it a day and they agree to meet at a bar closeby to start the weekend and get everyone’s spirits up. The beer only serves to make Bucky more upset tho, espescially when he sees Gale hitting it up with someone who walks up to him, laughing at his stuff and looking relaxed in a way he never quite does with him. A bit drunk and a lot angry he follows him to the bathroom, Gale noticing him as he walks in with the same swing of the door. He turns around and greets him, the smile from talking to that whatever dude still lingering on his lips being John’s final straw.

”Oh, so you can be happy? Thought it was fucking impossible to achieve.” Gale’s smile immediately drops and his posture shifts, arms crossing over his chest. ”What are you talking about?” ”You’re always making those faces no matter what I do. You’ll ruin your pretty face with all that frowning.” ”What on earth are you-” ”When I try to talk with you. Or when I do a scene and you’re supposed to help but you just keep looking at me like I’m an idiot. I don’r get it.”

Gale starts to get upset too now, something John has never seen before, his calmness finally breaking. ”What do you want me to say?!” ”I don’t know, be fucking supportive for once?!” ”I am being supportive by being honest! Do you think that was the best you can do?” It surprises John, but he’s already too worked up to back down. ”Well what if it is?” They’ve gotten closer to each other in the empty men’s room, and Gale’s hands are no longer crossed, he’s pointing at John’s chest and staring him down. ”You have so much goddman potential, John Egan, and it’s killing me to see you waste it like that. Reach for something bigger. Get more complex charachters, more nunaced scripts. If it takes you hating me to hear that then so be it.” John scoffs despite the blush trying to creep to his cheeks. ”Well since you know fucking everything maybe you should help me find those roles.” ”I’m not your agent, or your publicist, or your mom, or your boyfriend, I don’t see how it’s any of my-” They’re practically yelling at each other, and without thinking John takes the wrist of Gale’s hand poking his chest to his and pushes it down so they’re chest to chest, noses almost touching, so close they’ve gotten. ”Maybe you could just help me out if you didn’t hate me so much.” John isn’t yelling anymore, and all of Gale’s nerves are on fire, he can feel John’s breath on his cheeks, his own pulse pounding in his chest. ”I don’t hate-” And that’s as far as he gets before John crashes their lips together, the small movement inevidable as the sun coming up each morning.

Gale makes a muffled sound into the kiss and goes to grab his shirt, pulling him closer as John reaches to cup the back of his head. The kiss is just as messy and teethy and perfect as the months of growing tension between them has promised. Gale wants to climb him and bite him and drag him down the floor, his own desire punching air out of him as John stumbles until his back hits the wall, his big hand protecting his head from the hard impact. They are lost in it until their lips are swollen and bruised and they’re both more than half-hard after being pressed so tightly together, and Gale bites his abused lips to silence a moan trying to escape him as John dips down to suck and lick on his sweaty neck, his own hand tangling in his curls and pulling and feeling victorious as John makes a choked sound. He pulls until their eyes meet again, and he’s sure his own pupils are as big as John’s as they stare at each other for a moment, both of them trying to catch their breath like they just ran a marathon. ”You drive me fucking insane,” Gale grits at him, and John laughs a short sound. ”I drive you insane?! You’re the one prancing around… Being all, you know, intelligent and sexy with your James Dean features and Paul Newman eyes.” Gale stares at him for a little bit, mouth open, before pulling him into another kiss.

They go back to Gale’s eventually (Gale comes back to himself enough to realize he does not want to be caught with all his collegues on the other side of the bathroom wall) and they make out for a while more, little less heated but just as passionate, but when it’s getting more intense again John has a moment of clarity and pulls away. He’s drunk and tired and overwhelmed and he doesn’t want this to be just a hook-up. Gale understands but asks John to stay the night anyway and he ends up sleeping on his coach that night. It’s a bit awkward in the morning because neither of them really knows what to say and John’s just about to leave, thinking this was a mistake after all, when Gale suggest they’d watch a movie, and the nervous hope in his face grips John’s heart enough to realize there’s no walking away from what he’s started to feel for this man. They watch a film, and another, and by the third the funny commentary both of them make has shifted into the movie playing in the background as they make out, Gale in John’s lap, and it feels right.

John ends up staying the whole weekend, they just watch films and make dinner together and get to know each other. John is scared he’ll overstay his welcome but Gale makes it feel natural, and the exciting newness of it all is addicting, and perhaps exactly because they’ve had to overcome so many of their own prejudices about the other everything feels more vibrant and exciting. Seeing Gale relaxed and smiely and silly and nervous as he rolls his eyes at him when he sings along to the radio as they cook makes his heart miss a beat. He’s completely prepared to not go further than kissing for now but after a delicious, footsie heavy dinner on Sunday evening at Gale’s kitchen they finally end up in bed, and it feels just right that their first time together is slow and searching and absolutely perfect, and they get the final confirmation that their chemistry seems to be working out pretty fucking well.

After that weekend, John never accepts a role without running it by Gale first (they often read them together naked in bed on the weekends, making each other giggle while dramatically imaging the scenes while leaning into each other amongst the fluffy pillows), and within a year he’s a rising star and his name is on everyone’s lips, but he’s only got one pair of lips in mind.

It isn’t just smooth sailing after that either, navigating a relationship and his career and the publicy, but as slow as their love might have started it’s all the more steady for it, and it never stops growing.

SORRY THIS GOT SO INTENSE!!! Literally all of this came to me as I thought how to respond to your ask so thank you for being a major motivation 🖤

[sstardustt3]

Star yaps abt what would i do from falsettos

(copy and pasted from her school paper…)

Over the course of the year I’ve had many obsessions (ranging through days to months) and my current one being from June, Falsettos by William Finn and by extension entire Marvin trilogy. If I could explain why I love this musical and all my thoughts on it I would but today I would like to focus on one in particular “what would I do?” The final of the song (or second depending on if you count Falsettoland reprise as a song).

The song begins after Jason’s bar mitzah; where whizzer after thanking Jason turns away and goes limp. From there he is carried off and the hospital room is stripped away and it is just Marvin alone standing in the same position to reflect.

Now this shot alone says so much. The set of falsettos is made mostly out of grey foam blocks that are made to represent Marvin’s mind state and I think by having everything stripped away shows how Marvin is mentally. He’s alone, he hasn’t moved on from where he was when whizzer died, he can’t. And for the audience it helps set in stone the reality of the situation and it stings.

In the religion of Judaism (which I’m not Jewish but the characters are so I think it’s important to mention but again I may be wrong ) it says that everyone, both good and bad gets what they deserve in the end. Even with that ideology he still feels robbed, and that whizzer died young and unfairly.

According to the World national heath organization people would die only weeks or months from their diagnosis. Assuming that whizzer died closer to the weeks mark it would’ve made less time to really grasp the situation even more so that AIDS wasn’t something with a lot of information. There was no real explanation to the violent death that killed his lover.

A very important fact is that whizzer is Marvin’s first real love. Marvin’s main issue and arch in the trilogy is that he can’t figure out love properly. He tries to love his sweetheart, but only ends up putting her on a pedestal and neglecting her. He thinks he loves ms. Goldberg but only an idealized version of her. He tries to learn to love Trina romantically but can’t bring himself to and ends up neglecting her. Whizzer is the first person he truly loves.

So he wonders to himself if he was never in his life, what would happen? Who would he blame everything that happened on? Whizzer states that he ruined the life Marvin had. Which is technically true.

If Marvin had never met whizzer he wouldn’t have cheated and he wouldn’t have gotten a divorce. If he never got a divorce Trina wouldn’t have went to Mendel (Marvin’s therapist) and they wouldn’t have gotten engaged. If Trina and Mendel never got engaged then Marvin wouldn’t have hit Trina in a fit of rage and hit her in front of Jason and he wouldn’t have seen how wrong he has been and how much he is hurting everyone around him especially Jason who he cares most about and been pushed to change.

Whizzer, who comes out later in this song about halfway through as what I believe to be a further representation of Marvin’s mental state; asks if Marvin regrets the time he spent with him and all he went through to hold him and Marvin says if he could he’d do it again. Which is in reference to a song earlier “love is blind” where at the end Marvin speaks on his of love. That it being messy and dysfunctional and something to never even consider doing over again and it shows how much Marvin has really grown and learned that love doesn’t have to be toxic and painful.

Another thing to be noted is that whizzer comes out in a white button up and brown pants like he had on at the start of act 1 except the shirt is white and not green. What I think this is meant to show is that Marvin is slowly forgetting details about whizzer which supports the idea that most people agree on that Marvin also has aids and dies soon after the ending since memory loss is a symptom of dementia which sometimes a result of aids.

Going back to an earlier point of Marvin and his grief he asks himself how could he move on? How could he face the future without him? Especially knowing that he’d most likely die the same way whizzer did. He wishes whizzer was there with him which is why whizzer shows up halfway through. He wishes whizzer was there with him to live a much longer life and talk to him. Whizzer died young and unfairly and so will he and they’ll never have the chance to better themselves.

The song closes with Marvin recognizing that there are no definitive answers and all he can do is wonder what could have been.

[papakhan]

Episode 1

Fuck it, I'm gonna do it anyway. Here's all the notes I took when watching episode 1 of the godawful fallout tv show. enjoy. I'm gonna run through this with notes I made while I watched the show so formatting might be kinda weird, I haven't done anything like this before so bare with me. I will try to explain things as if you the reader have not seen the show. This is gonna be very long and heavy on the hate and the spoilers.

Content warnings:

rape

incest

gif of the fight scene violence

self harming

Things I liked:

Vault Dwellers reusing the same wedding dress and everyone who'd worn it writing their names on the inside. that's sweet

"don't lose your head" vault poster during a firefight

Johnny Cash

I like Brotherhood Clerics but they totally fucked up the ranking system

The vault dwellers just painting over the blood on the walls

Horses are canon now

Goofy wasteland urban legends like "a feral ghoul does not abide a chicken"

That's literally it. Now it's time for everything else. I'll break it down into character bits since that's what the show does

Cooper

So Cooper Cowboy ghoul man is divorced and he's at this birthday party in I'm guessing Hollywood overlooking LA. It's a beautiful sunny day :) Bare in mind that in this scene the nukes drop so Bethesda has already fucked their own lore of the nukes dropping at 9:40am in Boston would mean that it should be 6:40am in California. Sunrise in California in October is 7am, btw. So already we're fucked. Real "design documents are a waste of time" behaviour on display here.

Anyway, nuke goes off. Now let me ask you something. What's one of the most infamous things about nuclear bombs? The flash, right? A nuclear explosion is bright enough to blind a person. Fallout 4 understood this, at least a little, where the flash of light from the bomb would fill your screen even if you weren't facing it, which is how nukes work. Closing your eyes in the face of a nuke would be pointless because the light would pass through your eyelids. There's even reports of people who held up their hands to shield the light and could see THEIR BONES THROUGH THEIR HANDS. That's how bright they are. They are horrifying weapons of mass destruction.

The nuke that hits LA is not a nuke, the flash of light on Janey's face (cooper's kid and the ONE SINGLE PERSON who notices a NUCLEAR FUCKING BOMB) is more akin to a camera flash. again. she is the only fucking person who notices a nuclear bomb go off, everyone else at the party is distracted by a TV of all things.

In the time between the ""flash"" of the bomb here's everything that happens before Cooper and co feel the shockwave

Janey notices the pathetic flash and looks up.

She holds up her thumb in the "vault boy" way

Cooper comes out of the house and walks over to Janey

He crouches down beside her and says some bullshit along the lines of "i got some cake for my favourite cowgirl"

Janey says "was it your thumb or my thumb?"

Cooper looks towards the source of the nuke and slowly stands up, watching it for a moment

He says "that's just a fire janey" as the smoke unfurls into a very obvious mushroom cloud

He realises that it was not. just a fire

then they get hit by a shockwave

This takes almost a full minute and none of the segments is supposed to be slow motion. Listen I know that light moves faster than sound and heat but come on. It's way too slow and also. dead fucking silent. also the shockwave comes before the mushroom cloud but who cares.

Anyway cooper gets on a horse with the girl and rides off down the road in the direction of LA. good job dude.

I've already read up about yknow who it was who wanted the nukes fired and I know that it was Barb who wanted the nukes dropped on America for?? vault tec profit??? so uh. why did she let Janey go to a birthday party with Cooper?

Lucy

x3 Incest jokes may not seem like a lot but it was 3 too many for me. I hate the "good karma" noise that played when Lucy got arranged married. I said I liked the vault poster of "don't lose your head" but I hate the way Lucy keeps getting her inspiration from Vault Boy I'm sorry but its annoying and dumb to me. Interconnected vaults in LA is also. dumb. you're telling me The Master didn't notice these fucking things? you're kidding. Look at it, it's not even hidden in a cave or anything its just out in the open.

Way to retroactively make the Master look like a moron, though I know they do this to Mr House later on. ugh.

Her intro makes it sound like she's supposed to have Tagged Skills in repair, speech and science but she displays none of this in the later episodes I have seen, in fact her speech seems like utter dogshit so what was the point in introducing her in a "game protag" way if none of that was gonna get used later?

Anyway, lets get onto the raiders. If you know me, you know I love raiders. They're a cool and interesting critique of individualism and "might makes right" and also aesthetically just kind of fuck.

Now, knowing what I know about Moldaver and her being the current ?leader of the NCR remnants, that implies that the people she has led into Vault 33 are former NCR citizens or soldiers, right? right?

So the ""fall of shady sands"" according to the show is 2277 and yeah sure okay that's during new vegas' time and sure okay right todd howard promised that this didn't de-canonise fallout new vegas. however. it's 2296 meaning it's been 19 years since Shady Sand's.......decline. and 15 years since New Vegas where we last saw the NCR. And i know that the NCR aren't exactly the good guys To suggest that in less than 20 years the citizens of shady sands have been reduced to Bethesda-style raiders who:

Are unable to use utensils such as knives and forks

Can't grow crops

Don't know how to use cups

Will rape a woman, wipe his dick on a curtain, and then try to murder said woman

Shoveling fistfuls of cake into their mouth during a firefight

Threatening a pregnant woman

In another episode one of these guys is interrogated/interviews and shows their asshole to the guy talking to him.

is fucking ludicrous

Anyway Monty looks like Jerma

RIP

Anywayyyy how come only Lucy's pipboy picked up on the radiation from these outsiders huh? everyone else was wearing a pipboy during the wedding, they sat next to each other, those geigar counters would have been going off. what? they had them on silent out of respect of a good Christian wedding? if you try to convince me that's the explanation I will eat your liver. Bethesda raider style

anyway no.2 girlypop (lucy) straight up pulls a knife out of her wound which is medical petpeeve no.9394328 for me but then its immediately resolved by a stimpak. I hate how stimpaks in the show are used exactly how they are in the game. I was under the impression that it was a video game mechanic and not how it actually worked in the narrative. What's next? Jet gives me extra action points or some shit? I'm so tired

the fight scene sucked. the choreography of the raider guy shooting a vault dweller through the head of another vault dweller just kind of looked like shit and seemed impractical, clearly just there to be like WOAH THATS COOL it wasn't cool it looked clunky and weird. do not fucking tell me that fallout is supposed to be clunky and weird I will kill you.

the doors cutting the raider in half was also dumb since its been routinely established that the dull and ominous "thunk. thunk. thunk" heard deep in the bowels of a vault is a door that's trying to close but there's something stuck under it, if they could just slice a whole man in half then they could cut through a table or skeleton in game. Also irl I'm a health and safety officer and that moment made my toes curl. lol

It jumps from Lucy to Max and then back to lucy but I'm just gonna continue talking about her shit here. quick fire round because I've been yapping too long already

Her little brother looks way too old to be acting like a teenager this much.

Chet (Lucy's cousin and ex boyfriend. gross) wants to come with her thank god he doesn't

why doesn't she give a shit about the sky

Why doesn't she give a shit about the ocean

Maximus

"stupid blimp is back" is at the very top of my notes, lol. anyway I still don't understand where they got this thing from

Latrines made out of stacks of tires is so dumb. like I cant even explain how dumb that is. surely rubber has better use for that. surely. just shit in a hole in the ground like everyone else please for the love of god

I know the twist with Daine and let it be said, having your first on screen transgender character cut themselves with razors to get out of the military is not, in fact, Bethesda trying to be on the side of transgender people, it is in fact them making fun of us, okay? do we understand?

hiding baby max is a fridge made me so angry I blacked out. do not remind me of "kid in a fridge" ever again.

Anyway Bethesda finds it so difficult to keep the BOS consistent to the point that they are all so different from each other with little to no explanation as to why they've changed so much. In fact it feels like to me that at some point between fallout 3 and fallout 4 Bethesda has totally mixed up the BOS and the Enclave, since now the BOS hate ghouls for no reason and want to colonise the wasteland. This is just that again. Once more, no design doc behaviour.

Quotes from the BOS i think suck ass

"Duty of the Brotherhood of Steel is to secure the wasteland"

"Flesh is weak by steel endures"

"Violence is a tool we use it to bring order to the wasteland"

When Max is getting interrogated for being a suspect for cutting Daine with razors, mentions "send me to Eden or wherever" and it confused me so much. The only Eden I knew about was John Henry Eden from Fallout 3. Turns out I think what they're trying to reference is New Eden a BOS base from. Fallout Brotherhood of Steel 2?? of all fucking things?? really strange I can't imagine what else he could possibly be referencing though. This is literally just thrown in for the loreheads and I hate it.

Anyway after being a suspect for cutting Daine with razors and also failing his classes Max gets a promotion! this is not explained. They also brand him which people a lot smarter than me have discussed at length about why branding a black guy on screen in your fallout show is a bad idea. Read it here.

I don't really understand why the BOS all do shit in latin now, I know some of them had latin names in fo1 but IIRC Frank Horrigan of the Enclave was the only person in the og games who spoke latin. it feels like Bethesda wanting to capture the interest of people who liked the Legion. maybe that's a reach but given how much right wing propaganda is in the coming episodes I wouldn't put it past them.

Cooper again

I am not calling this idiot The Ghoul that's fucking dumb. what like he's the only one? ever? dumb. whats up with him being buried huh? did Todd not want to tell Nolan that ghouls arent actually zombies and arent actually undead? that just wanted him to jump out a coffin because oooh spooky zombie. honestly just kill me.

My notes: "Don't tell me the ghoul is in that grave I can't take it"

this guy gets dug up once a year and gets pieces of him cut off and put back?? why? for what purpose? how is he down there without eating or drinking? is it a kid in a fridge moment where ghouls don't need to eat or drink, well he drinks a whole lot of water in episode 3 so that's afucking lie. get real. the glowing IV? what is that??

the yodelling is really gonna piss me off, isn't it.

Not him ending the episode on the same quote he said to his daughter. whatever.

Rating: 3/10

[mieczy-stiles]

The thing about Luca is that. And I say this as a writer, I suppose, but also as a queer person, that he exudes a certain feeling of safety, and comfort. Like, to have him play something will mean he's going to give you his everything. No matter the character, you'll see a sincerity that isn't just the product of the script, or the demand of it, but also the mind of the actor.

To know that a person of his calibre is out there playing queer characters so effortlessly, and without a doubt in their mind, without any prejudice blinding his artistic choices and who he is as a person, it's obviously a ray of hope, but it is also, then, a kind of trust, even if it is just parasocial in many ways.

I know if it's Luca playing a certain queer character - regardless of what happens to them in the script, that is if the script is stupid and insincere to the queer perspective in certain ways - I'd still easily trust him to do justice to the queer experience, for how sincerely he plays everything.

The whole every-character-of-his having a underlying homoerotic quality to them is all fun and cool and great and beautiful, but also, it's so fucking refreshing

It's been decades of asking for the correct representation in media, it's been years and years of queerbaiting and, if not that, just general lack of care

I've been accustomed to just wanting some of my favourite characters to be gay. Just thinking and wishing and hoping that someone someday will let them reach the full scope of their personality, let them have the right sort of ending, see first the fabric of their person, and not just the thread of their sexuality, and maybe then write the script. There have been all sorts of emotions, and so to find now a person who is doing just that? It's pure beauty.

For a while now it's been changing, more and more shows and films are becoming inclusive and accepting and understanding of the queer gaze, and it's so beautiful that Luca contributes to it with his whole heart, and has been for a long while.

Many must remember how it used to get with artists and makers always denying or trying to tip toe around the obvious queerbait, or shying away from the conversations that involved that queer perspective, or outright rejecting the very idea- it happens still - but then you see the likes of Luca and Marwan being comfortable in each other's company and also about the love they shared on screen (especially, i think, it begs to say, with them being men), talking happily about their characters, making playlists for them, recommending poems for them

A lot many actors now are open to these conversations, a lot of them now talk about it with nuance and care, with just the right words, and though it's in no way any less a contribution to the conversation, or any less genuine, but again, there is something to be said about the ease Luca shows.

Again, as I said before.. it feels safe, with him.

In a lot of his interviews, he doesn't bat an eye before saying things like - I was lucky to have him as my husband. And he means it, you can tell that by the smile on his face. When people are focusing on the movies' objective and the friendships in it, he easily goes and says it's not only the friendship, but also the love.

In another of his interviews, there was once this question about Roberta, about if he knew what was demanded from him and how he prepared for a transsexual character. I remember it because I was almost sure I'll be hearing some generic answer like I studied trans people for this role and this that blah blah, something ignorant, basically. I was braced for it. But he just said. (And he was talking in english, and all that he was trying to say was conveyed more through his face and gestures, it was super cute actually) - I read the script, and I just felt something. I didn't think about playing a transsexual, but a woman, with a friend. It was important for me to show the love she had for him. So. I just played a woman helping out a friend :)

And I was like ?? wait that's? That's all? You're not going to go deep into the character's psyche and the great moral upstanding you must be feeling for doing a role like this? You're not going to talk about how you "prepared" for this role or how it was "different" for you?

I was so used to people doing that, his simple answer took me by surprise.

and that's what's so refreshing, so comforting.

There's no hesitation in him, no prejudice or preconceived notions or activism, even, compelling his choices and words.

It's just him, plain and simple.

He's committed to his art in a way that people rarely are. Especially in media, where even big companies and huge hollywood stars often fail you.

I wish more people in this world were like him. So gently open in his ways, so effortless in his understanding and acceptance that it becomes intrinsic to him.

He's one of the few people, I would say, who are an artist not just by work, but also by nature.

[roboticprince100]

Reaction - The Most Underrated Key To Manifestation

Reactions are one of the strongest instincts in all living creatures, from animals to humans. How can you control your reactions to control your reality? Short answer - Don't give a damn about bad circumstances, take massive action and keep affirming your desires till you get them. For a long answer, keep reading.

Why should I worry about anything if I have created everything? Why should I care about the 3D if it's the mirror of my inner world? Why should I react negatively if the triggers are the fruits of my mind?

You can control your reactions completely and take all the power from the 3D and from other people in your hands. Take the reality, take the control in your hands. The 3D just keeps showing you circumstances or people or misfortunes which trigger you from the inside. But why does this happen? Why do you repeatedly get thoughts which are negative, which trigger your emotions, which make you restless and your mood turns bad? Why do you keep experiencing bad circumstances? The answer to why these thoughts pop-up all the time and why do you face bad circumstances all the time is more important than actually solving the thoughts and the bad circumstances. The 'Why' is crucial here.

The simple answer is because your subconscious mind is used to thinking like that. You are used to staying in the negative and thinking about how all the situations could go bad or even worse. You train your mind completely on this foundation as to what if everything goes wrong? What if things get worse? What if I fail? What if all this is a scam? What if I never get what I want? So many what ifs and so much negativity getting filled in your mind. You give a lot of importance to all the small, medium and big negative stimuli so your mind takes them very seriously. It's good to plan if things go wrong, it's good to be careful and take precautions, but there is a limit for it. There is an urgent need for you to stop planning only for the wrong situations. Because once that limit is breached, you are not really making yourself safe from those situations, you are actually creating them. I understand this in-depth because I was an overthinker for more than a decade and also an empath. My reactions kind of ruined my mental health and with a dangerous mental health, I lost everything.

Don't make your precautions your creation.

The subconscious mind is completely blind. It doesn't care, doesn't give a flying monkey to what you say, what you repeat, what you fear. So if your reactions are the same to certain triggers, it means your subconscious mind is perfectly trained to make you scared, impulsive and cautious. Flip it. Flip all your bad reactions and make a positive affirmation about them. Change your reactions to change your reality. Never react without stopping for a few seconds, never react impulsively no matter how bad things go in your life, never react to the 3D which is created by you. Your reactions are your power, they are your inner strength, never lose them so easily. I have a simple hack for all the negative thoughts, bad images, scary thoughts and triggering emotions. Say 'Vanished'. Repeat just one word 'Vanished.' If you have read The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy (literally the only book needed for manifestation and should be memorized word by word), you must know how Joseph Murphy emphasized on the word 'Wealth'. He asked people to just repeat one word wealth calmly and feelingly. Nothing else. He has also advised on affirmations and repetition of long statements in different scenarios, but just the power of one word is unbelievable.

Just close your eyes and think about one word Wealth. Slowly repeat it. What does your mind show you? Stash of money, property, assets, luxury, flying jets, first class travel, yachts, big houses, elegant cars, gold watches, rich people, Dubai, Monaco, billionaires? Just one word wealth and so many images created. So many thoughts fired. That's the power of one simple word. You don't even control your reaction or your thoughts, your mind automatically does that for you. It thinks about richness and luxury the moment you say 'Wealth'. If you didn't get any of the above images in your mind after saying wealth, you can understand how your mind doesn't even think about good thoughts because you never ask it to. I am not saying imagination is important, it's not even needed to manifest but at least your mind should be able to think good and happy thoughts.

Use the same trick for the word Vanished. The moment any thought that comes up in your mind which is there to trigger you, disturb you, mentally and emotionally drain you, just say vanished. No explanation, no affirmation, nothing. Vanished. I have put this word in my very first affirmation in my list of affirmations. But still, even now if anything comes in my mind which I don't want I just say Vanished. I repeat it calmly and the thought is gone.

Now some people would argue that you should express yourself fully, even your negative emotions, you should cry if you feel like, you should vent it out. Yes definitely. I totally support this. You should release your negative emotions. You shouldn't suppress them. In fact I did this many times. But for how long? My entire life? Once in a while I can understand, but continuously and regularly doing this, absolutely no. This is the reason why Neville Goddard said - 'Do not waste one moment in regret.' Regret, shame, guilt, embarrassment, humiliation, all these things once in a year are fine, but not more than that. They train your mind in full negativity and then anything wrong happens in the 3D, your mind is the fastest to react in the worst way possible. Where there was no need for any reaction, your mind reacted in such a strong way that the situation became powerful. All other similar situations which never had any power, now have all your attention because that is what your mind is craving. That is what it is trained for. This is how the Loop of Reactions is created. This is why your triggering thoughts and images are so powerful because they are on a loop.

Take the power out of them, take the life out of your negative thoughts, fears, worries, doubts and anxieties. The most powerful way you can do this is by changing your reaction. Here are the steps to use Reaction in the best way possible to manifest your desires:-

1. Say the word 'Vanished' whenever any bad thought comes in your mind. Keep saying this for days and weeks and you will feel the change in your mental health. You will feel closer to your desires because there is nothing else blocking them in your mind. This takes time so keep persisting till you become fearless. Just smile and react happily as if you have defeated them.

2. Stop for a few seconds before reacting to anything. Good, bad or neutral. Don't react to anything. Wait for a few seconds. This time gap is the actual key to controlling your impulses and emotions. It gives your mind the time to process things differently. Fun Fact:- Not only can I react calmly to any situation after practising this, but also my anger issues towards certain people and certain circumstances are gone completely, kind of vanished. Pun intended.

3. Don't react to repeated bad situations. You tried to get a taxi but got rejected 5 times by the driver and there are 50 people behind you looking at you. You will feel immediate humiliation and embarrassment, but why? Why are you giving importance to those 5 rejections or those 50 people at all? None of them matter in your life even if you are a celebrity. If you react in a weird way, you give that situation and also those people, the power to control you. Just be calm and relaxed. It's not a bad day, it's your foolish reaction. Don't react unnecessarily and hype everything up. I promise you, this single practice will make you mentally so strong that even if you are embarrassed by making a big mistake, you will smile and move on. Because now your reactions are in your control, not the outside world.

4. After taking a small gap like I explained in Step 2, react happily and cheerfully to all the good situations, minor good thoughts, remembering old jokes, little good circumstances happening here and there. Happy reactions are contagious to everyone and everything - people, situations, Universe. Do you observe how parents make their little babies react to toys, cartoons, music, games and the kids react by smiling and laughing? Because this is contagious and makes everyone happy. The parents do this in front of others also, because the babies spread love and happiness. Keep a note of all the good thoughts, write them down in a book and in your notes app, remember them again and again. Create the most powerful loop in your subconscious mind - the Loop of Happiness, Love and Peace.

Nobody wants your pathetic reactions, nobody wants your negativity, nobody wants you to be so fickle that they can't share anything with you because your reaction is always weird. There is a reason why we don't share everything with our family and friends because we already know their reactions. If you stop reacting negatively to everything, you would know more about everyone's lives than what you know now. If you could truly master your reactions, you would end up manifesting everything you want and even more. Being indifferent collapses time and space, and manifests your desires instantly.

I manifested $100 million dollars? That's cool. I am happy. My bank account has $200 only? That's cool. I don't give a damn. Your job is this - Always react calmly no matter what, always react with a pause no matter what, keep affirming what you want irrespective of your circumstances, take massive action, be fully disciplined and consistent with your affirmations and be independent of your desires. When you don't react in a weird way, don't get scared, don't depend on your manifestation, don't react negatively, you take all the power from your 3D and bring it back in your hands. Now your reality has only one frequency and vibration to play with, the happy and cheerful one. Because you no longer care about the bad, negative, worrisome circumstances and people. You don't react and you don't take them seriously. So it is forced to give you all your desires that make you naturally happy, satisfied and peaceful. All the blockages and fears have vanished. You choose your reality based on your happy reactions and manifesting becomes a piece of cake. Good luck!

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hey!

It'll be long post, so i understand if you decide to ignore it, sorry :)

You know, there were a lot of people that were convinced loumand kiss we saw in trailer was goodbye kiss, because of Louis' expression. I was one of them.

Turns out that it's NOT truth and everyone just accepted it and moved to talk how romantic it was and that apparently Louis just has this face when horny or whatever.

And I truly struggled to see it. And at first I felt incredibly guilty because I'm loustat shipper first, other ships appreciator second. I thought my mind doesn't let me see romance in other ship because I'm too loustat centric.

I tried to rewatch that scene and tried to brighten it up to see kiss and expression better (I'm sorry but while almost silhouette kiss is beautiful I'd prefer see character's expressions better in show like this, wish lighting was different)

But still! While during date Louis had more carefree and flirtatious expression, that kiss felt very off. I get that it's after talk about lestat but shouldn't he show more... Joy? Anticipation of more to come? Basically don't look like he does it because he HAS to.

So I thought, well, it CAN'T be jacob slacking, he's terrific at his job. And it can't be that I'm THAT biased, right?

So, let me tell you, I'm SO GLAD to found your post about this kiss! I saw too many people writing about Louis being fucked up to invite Armand to fuck after being threatened, that he loves them dangerous (he kinda does, but that's not the point), that he thinks only with dick, ignores red flags (again he does,but we talk about this particular moment) etc

He knows Armand is interested in him. He knows Armand has power. Armand technically didn't lay his hands on him but he COULD'VE and WOULD'VE if it's not for his affection to Louis.

I truly don't believe Louis viewed this as "I HAVE to kill Louis, you committed a crime, no hard feelings though, that's just my job! You know what?... You're cute so I'll let you go actually"

Maybe I give Louis too much credit but he's smarter than that. He also knows power play intimately, was on giving and receiving end countless times in his human and vampire life.

Add to it that tale Armand told about his old coven killing themselves when he actually threw them in fire. It was 100% to position himself as someone who has way less power over other vampires that he actually does. I don't believe coven can pressure Armand into ANYTHING. And glimpses of him abusing his power over Claudia prove it (CONSENT TO LOOK IN THE EYES? ARE YOU SERIOUS?)

And Louis was THERE to witness all this and I absolutely believe he noticed it. That scene with dreamstat where lestat says he's the only one who Louis can trust made me think Louis is not as blind to Armands red flags as he appears.

And what we know about ep4 confirms it. Lestats "HA!" in museum already indicates that Armand is telling some bullshit and Louis at least subconsciously doesn't believe it. There's also scene in park from teaser "I want you" "You sure about that?" Maybe it's misleading or maybe it goes like this, guess we'll see

I wrote so much, again, i'm sorry.i just wanted to say, I agree so much with your post, and I hope crazy people in fandom already blocked you so you don't get any hate for pointing out that consent under threat of potential death is not really THAT consensual. Hope it won't be repeat about people attacking you like for post about hate sex in ep6

All good. And I wasn't, and I have seen I wasn't the only one clocking in on things (just reblogged a post wrt that).

Jacob is too good an actor to not show the fitting emotion if it was meant to be something positive. But he didn't.

The show went dark, real fast. And they're about to go even darker. A lot.

[adhdbisexualramblings]

I’m likely going to regret posting this after an actual rewatch of season ten, but-

Chloe was a wonderful foil to Timmy. They should have shared fairies. They’re perfect for each other friendship-wise.

Timmy’s conflicts are mainly external - neglectful parents, abusive babysitter, sucky school life - and despite his rowdiness and forgetful nature, he’s genuinely a very sweet boy who just gets caught up in whatever rash wish he’s made. Sure, he only has two friends (excluding his godparents), but that’s because he’s unpopular.

Chloe…has the exact opposite problem. All of her problems are purely internal. She does good everywhere she goes and strives to help everyone, which makes her a good person by nature, but it’s because of that giving nature why she has no real friends. She’s elevated immediately upon going somewhere to a celebrity status - it happened in Dimmsdale, and though she didn’t seem particularly upset about it, she still hasn’t stopped getting praise for her actions even months after moving there. Her life is the antithesis of Timmy’s to a T - wonderful, caring (if not overprotective) parents, a lot of people around her all the time, and a genuine love for everything that would theoretically make her the ‘perfect godchild’.

But, she has no real friends. No one she can count on for a cry or to lean back on if she needs help. Because she’s Chloe Carmichael, perfect girl, she shouldn’t have problems when everything in her life is great. Unlike Timmy, who is seen again and again clearly needing assistance, mainly assumed by characters and not explicitly said aloud by him. Chloe doesn’t have that specific ‘normal child’ status he has (no I am not projecting my survivor’s guilt onto a fictional character be quiet) because her life looks so good from the outside.

Despite what many reviewers, angry YouTubers in 2017, and a look at the first episode may tell you, Chloe does have flaws. Sure, she does actually like doing all this good stuff, but she’s…well, not far from, but you get it. She’s not totally perfect. She’s very protective about things she values (her DVD box set (which I totally get because those things are pricey, especially in this economy)) and tends to blow up if there’s any chance they’re threatened (yelling at Timmy to never lay a hand on said box set). She can be selfish (that episode where she had to share Timmy’s birthday and tried to one-up him) and a bit of a control freak (ideas likely coming from her parents’ want for perfection). She’s overly ambitious and her desire to find good in everyone blinds her to their bad parts (Foop may be a baby, but he’s not exactly as innocent as Chloe thinks). She can be easily-impressionable, as shown when she took to a brief life of crime in one episode. And, as Timmy puts it, she’s a little nuts.

Back to Chloe having no friends because she can’t be vulnerable with people who see her as a celebrity. She has a lot of traits that people might not like (see above) and can put them off on being an actual friend. Timmy has never seen Chloe as this popular untouchable mini-goddess - he hated her from the moment he saw her. Him having to share his fairies and subsequently be around her more often allows her to show those ‘worse’ (read: naturally human) traits off, and he won’t mind because those aren’t new to him, or weird. Timmy becomes, because of this, her first actual friend.

So while Timmy is rambunctious, mischievous, and has trouble paying attention but is still a sweet child in the moments where we see it, Chloe is a kind, generous, potentially self-sacrificing, overflowing-with-love girl who can get obsessed at times and lets her kindness be her downfall (sometimes). In the end, they’re both kids who have flaws.

Chloe and Timmy prove that misery is in the eye of the beholder. What’s miserable to Chloe may just be a normal day for Timmy, and we don’t know what fairy council grounds are for distributing godparents.

Additionally, Nick ruined Chloe as a character by breaking the show, don’t tell rule (telling us why she needed fairies instead of showing it through body language or actions) and sweeping her other bad traits under the rug. I despise the bright colors and neat lines of the new Flash animation they used, I hate it immensely, and Timmy’s character was botched within the first two seconds he was onscreen, but those are all their own posts.

[pullhisteeth]

Hi! I saw your "Wise Words" fic and got so excited because it was inspired by one of my favorite songs by miss blondie herself 🤣 And I loved your writing so much I thought I could request for a fic if that's okay 🥹

So the "Vigilante Shit" performance in the Eras Tour has been stuck on my mind for AGES (and for good reason) and I was thinking...what if reader is a dancer and is besties with Eddie, and he sees her perform like THAT for the first time...I wonder how he would react and keep his shit together lmaooo

Can't wait to read whatever masterpiece you come up with! Ahhh thank you and ilysm ❤️

oh this one was lethal. checked my notifs at like 10pm and bam! I was off!!! and now it’s like 2am lol. I loved writing this - I took some creative liberties because I do not know a damn thing about dance but I hope it’s okay! thank you for the request (and your lovely kind words) ♡

contains fem!reader, dancer!reader, best friend!Eddie, best friends to lovers, bad knowledge of dance (it shows), fluff. 3k-ish

-

The heat beneath your cheeks can’t be kept at bay. You’re all flushed, palms clammy the way they used to get before recitals.

It has been years since stage fright could even try to get the better of you. Too many hours spent in front of crowds - whether they be three people small, parents and siblings crammed into your living room, or hundreds big, it doesn't matter to you anymore. You know this is all there is for you, moving across a stage like you own it.

Today is an exception. You’re standing - hiding - behind the curtain, nose inches from the deep blue velvet, right on cue but without your guts or your confidence. There’s a gaping hollowness there instead. You’re nervous.

It’s not like nerves have completely escaped you before now. On stage you’re stoic, but in life you’re… Less than self-assured. Especially when it comes to boys, or rather one boy in particular.

“Hey,” someone whispers to your left, “you’re up in five.”

Seconds. She means five seconds. Soon, the curtain will lift, and you’ll be released into the open arms of cheering onlookers, and you’ll have to try your hardest not to look for him among them.

You hear the familiar rattle of the rope mechanism somewhere distant, the lowering sandbag and the gear up high, and then the light descends at your feet. The fluorescence is blinding as the curtain lifts above your face, but this is easy. Comparatively, holding yourself together here, on this stage, is child’s play. Holding yourself together in front of him? Not so much.

-

“I thought you’d be happy!”

Eddie stands at the foot of your bed with his hands on his hips. You’re recoiling, knees up at your chin, at the headboard, whinging something cruel about this surprise he’s been keeping from you.

“I am, it’s just-”

“What are you hiding from me?” he asks, smiling, coy like he knows already.

He doesn’t. If it goes your way, he never will.

“Nothing!” you exclaim, too enthusiastically. “Nothing, I just…”

“Just what?” He’s getting impatient; he’s started pacing again.

“It’s nothing, Eds. I am happy. I promise.”

“Good,” he says, grinning. It’s a smile you love dearly, and if this is something that encourages it, so be it. “Nance is coming, too. We got four tickets, so Rob and Steve are gonna try and get the night off.”

Before you can protest he’s throwing himself onto your bed, chest-first, his arms winding around your calves and squeezing a shriek out of you.

“I’m so excited,” he tells you, muffled, face stuffed into the comforter by your feet. “How’ve we been friends all this time’n I’ve never seen you dance?”

“You have,” you respond, absentmindedly threading your fingers through his hair, nails gentle on his scalp. You feel him relax into your mattress and you smile.

“The club doesn’t count,” he says, turning onto his cheek to look up at you. “I don’t even know what kinda dancing it is.”

“You bought a ticket,” you giggle, “surely you saw the name?”

“Yeah,” he says, a little confused, “but what the fuck is chair dancing?”

-

Before Eddie even makes it inside the club, he knows he’s sticking out like a sore thumb.

“Nance,” he whispers, bending ever so slightly so he’s closer to her ear, “where the fuck are we?”

“Shut up,” she says, laughing her breezy laugh and lifting her shoulder to brush him off playfully.

He’s out of his depth, surrounded by a strange concoction of people - plenty of gaggles of young women, sashes reading bride to be or birthday girl, as well as innocuous older men, distinguished in their suits and pressed shirts, speaking to each other in hushed tones.

Where the fuck is he?

The line gets shorter, and inside the door, once they’re past the lacklustre bouncers, Nancy hands their tickets over and Robin takes her by the arm, giggling with her as they descend the stairs.

Eddie eyes the posters along the walls - comedy shows, open mics, oddly themed club nights - but doesn’t find what he’s looking for.

The four of them emerge into a dimly lit room, where small tables hold even smaller lamps and are surrounded by leather chairs. He feels a firm hand on his shoulder and turns to see Steve looking at Nancy and Robin.

“Okay, girls, find us a seat, me’n Eddie’ll get us drinks.”

Eddie follows him wordlessly through to the bar, where a cheerful - and very pretty - woman takes their order from Steve, who turns to him as she wanders off.

“Hey,” he murmurs, dipping closer, “what’s up with you?”

Eddie groans and holds his head in both hands, elbows on the bar. “I don’t know,” he says into his palms.

Steve’s hand is back on his shoulder, firm again, grounding. “She’s great, you know.”

Eddie twists to peek at him. “You’ve seen her before?”

“Only practising. I was over at their apartment and she was in the living room.”

Eddie groans again, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. “I feel… Nervous, for some reason.”

Beside him, Steve laughs, boisterous and accompanied by a squeeze at his shoulder.

“You should be,” he tells him, “she’s hot shit, Munson. Better be careful, or she’ll be gone before you can catch her.”

-

The music is your favourite part of dancing.

The dancing itself is fun, of course, but it’s nothing without the bass beneath your feet, the smooth curves of sound that seem to run straight through you like a livewire. You like all of it: jazz, rock, country, even metal, when Eddie’s playing it. But there’s something about that sultry kind of pop, the darkness and the sharpness, that turns you into some type of marionette, moving almost without thinking to the sound of gutsy women.

That’s doing yourself a disservice, of course; you’re a good dancer. You’re an excellent dancer. Eddie’s just never seen it before, and suddenly you’re quite sure you’re about to trip over your own feet.

The thrumming bassline distracts you for a flash, and you look over at the other dancers. You move seamlessly between one another, bare legs weaving and feet precise. Your hands lift in the air and run down your body, feeling the intricate beading of the handmade bodice gifted to you by the director. Every nerve is on fire, hyper-responsive and humming with energy. You flip your hair, bend at the hips, move your mouth in time with the lyrics. 

Your hand curls around the cold metal of the chair at the front of the stage, and as you lift your leg, planting a heel firmly on the seat, you forget there’s anyone watching, let alone him.

-

Eddie’s knee stopped bouncing the moment that the curtain shifted.

He loves music, but while you’ve made him listen to his fair share of pop, he’s never heard anything like this. It’s darker than the other stuff. Sexier, even.

His mind empties as the bass kicks in and the curtain hits its peak. There’s a line of dancers, each one beautiful and sparkling under the spotlights, but once his eyes find you there may as well be no one else in the room.

He knows what it’s like to be on a stage - the lights are too bright, the act of performing too consuming; trying to spot someone in a crowd is almost futile. And yet, for the first time in his life, he feels that insatiable urge to be noticed. For you to look over, meet his eye, and shoot him a wink or smile at him the way you do when he picks you up from work.

The way you move up there is unlike anything he has ever seen before. He knows you’ve been dancing your whole life, and when you’re out with friends you still move effortlessly, often emboldened by liquid courage and a good song, but even his wildest dreams - of which there have been many - could not have prepared him for this.

Your body moves with its curves, swaying and bending in a way that seems so natural on you. There’s a confidence he’s rarely seen before, and it’s electrifying, lighting him up from the inside.

“Isn’t she amazing?!” Nancy whispers beside him.

“Yeah,” he breathes, eyes tied to you. Every move you make is slow, methodical, intentional. You lift your legs, tilt your hips, curl your arm upwards like you’re made of water, and Eddie is thirsty.

He feels the warmth of Steve’s chest pressing into his shoulder. “Dude,” he whispers in Eddie’s ear, “shut your mouth. Gonna catch flies or something.”

-

Three songs isn’t many, but holding your own body weight the way you have to takes its toll, and the oppressive warmth of the dressing rooms only make you sweatier. So you race through your post-show routine, saying quick goodbyes to your friends and hanging the bodice carefully on the hanger with your nametag. On quick but tired feet you race through the dimly lit corridors, thankful for the simplicity of your sneakers, in search of the fire escape and some fresh air.

You know he’ll be out here. Part of you longs to linger inside, wait it out until you think he might have left with the rest of them, but you know it’s no use. He’d wait for you all night if you made him, and you’re not in the business of making Eddie Munson wait.

With your bag slung over one shoulder, you push firmly on the bar across the fire door and emerge into the dark alley, the air crisp - just the way you like it. The smell of pot and cigarette smoke drifts and you hear the familiar hum of late-night conversation from around the corner, so you close the door softly and follow it.

As you round the front of the small building, you’re met by thick, strong arms around your middle, lifting you into the air with a force you couldn’t fight even before a full dance routine. You squeal, your feet kicking up behind you, finding the shoulders of your friendly attacker.

“Here she is!” Steve booms, his voice a little muffled by your stomach.

“Steve,” you pant, grinning too wide to make the v sound properly, “let me down.”

He gives you one last squeeze and relents, lowering you slowly until your feet hit solid ground. You’re still grinning and he is, too, beaming at you so wide you can hardly bear it.

“You did good, kid,” he tells you, foregoing his boisterous grip around your waist for a gentle squeeze to your bicep.

“Thanks,” you breathe, eyes drifting as Robin and Nancy weave between the two of you and descend, fawning over you, giggling like children.

“You were so good!”

“Why’d you never tell us you could do that?”

“And that suit, oh my god-”

“Y’know the redhead? Do you think you could maybe-”

“Robin, stop it-”

“What?! She was hot! I'm only asking.”

“Hey,” Nance suddenly hisses, smiling something cruel and cunning, “someone else wants to congratulate you.”

She looks quickly over her left shoulder and you follow her eye line, finding Eddie standing a few feet away with his back to the wall and a cigarette at his mouth.

“We’re gonna head over there,” she tells you, nodding at a bar across the street. “Come find us, yeah?”

They saunter away, looking smug as ever, arms looped as they cross the street. You watch them go until you feel the phantom of someone behind you. It comes with the distinct scent of smoke, and underneath it you catch the bright, fresh smell of his washing powder.

“Hi,” you whisper as you turn to him. He looms over you a little, his head blocking the streetlamp so he looks like a haloed angel.

“Hey,” he says and you’re taken aback, because there’s a waver there. Something like nerves, except this is Eddie, and Eddie doesn’t get nervous. You do enough of that for the both of you. “You, uh… You were really good.”

“Thanks,” you say, smiling.

“I mean it,” he says, the words coming out all together like he might have stopped himself if he’d taken too long. “So good. I had no idea you… I didn’t know you could dance like that.”

“It makes me a bit nervous, I guess.”

“It shouldn’t,” he says without a beat. “You looked amazing.”

You smile at him, a little lost in this sea of nice words. Standing on the sidewalk outside a dingy dance club, under the gaze of your lovely best friend, what are you supposed to say?

“I saw you,” you tell him, voice quiet.

“Huh?”

“I was obviously concentrating, it was just a second, but you looked… Entertained.”

He looks down at his shoes, at where the toes of his boots meet your sneakers, and scratches the back of his neck. You dip your head down slightly to catch him forcing down a smile.

“It’s okay,” you laugh, “it’s kinda the point.”

“I know,” he says, laughing too, though it’s a nervous, unsure sound. “I know, I just…”

He can’t meet your eye. It’s worrying you, pulling your gut apart to make space for that black hole of panic. You stand back up straight and pull your bag up further onto your shoulder.

“I, uh, they went over there,” you tell him coldly. He looks up at you, still stooped a little like he’s being told off. “I’m gonna go meet them, um… You coming?”

You’re backing away on uncertain feet, suddenly acutely aware of the aches buried deep within your muscles and the burn of the soles of your feet.

“Wait,” he says, reaching out to wrap his fingers around your arms. You stop moving but look away, too filled with those wretched nerves to face him.

“Wait a second, I just…” He’s panting, stumbling, and you have no idea why. “I can’t… Fuck, sweets, I need to-”

“Eddie,” you snap, patience wearing thin.

He looks at you again, and you see it: the wavering of nerves in his eyes, though they’re hiding from you in the dark, dissipates into something deeper. Some miniscule movement of muscle in his face tells you everything, and yet you hang onto every word regardless.

“I lost my shit when you came out from behind that curtain,” he begins, a hand on each of your bent arms now, shifting lower to cradle your elbows. “I couldn’t… It was like my head went empty, except all that was bouncing around in there was this, like… Bouncy ball of regret.”

You can’t help but giggle. This fucking boy.

“I know, I know,” he says, smiling again, slowly stitching the rip in your anxious gut back together, “but it’s true, I can’t… I can’t believe I left it this long, and I can’t fucking believe it took me seeing you like that to get it together, I… I feel like a fucking teenager. But I just… I need you to know you looked so fucking hot up there.”

He’s as close as he can be without crashing into you. His hands are drifting and returning, like he’s restraining himself, but he has managed to walk you backwards so you’re sandwiched between his body and the wall.

“I-” you begin, though you’re the one with the empty head now and you have no intention of finishing your sentence. 

“You can head over there,” he says, tilting his head just so towards the bar, “no questions asked. And I’ll go home and leave you alone for a while, if that’s what you want. I just…” He lets his left hand leave your arm finally, and you let out a weak breath. He hovers over your hip, not touching but definitely there.

You hear him, but you don’t move, aside from letting your arm straighten so your bag can drop to the floor. There are people hovering around, loitering after the show, but you couldn’t care less, because Eddie’s knee is knocking yours and his hand has finally landed on your hip and his mouth is so close to your ear you could die.

“Eddie,” you breathe.

“Yeah, sweets?”

Looking down at you like this, Eddie doesn’t know how he’s kept his composure all these years. He really did feel quite stupid for being moved to act by seeing you on stage like that, but now that he’s this close, so close he could kiss you, he’s not feeling too bothered anymore. You’re looking back at him with wide eyes and your mouth’s in a slight pout and, god, maybe he could kiss you after all.

You crane your neck and lift up on tiptoes until your nose bumps his. You feel him smile and you smile back, until his lips brush yours and you’re knocked silly.

This feels a lot like dancing. Less like the dancing you do now; more like the dancing you did when you were younger, the more traditional kind shared between two people. A duet of movement that, once perfected, feels completely natural.

You’re no traditionalist, but you’re happy to let Eddie lead this one.

When he finally gives in and bridges the gap you whimper, because his knee is settled between both of yours and his hands are spread wide across either side of your hips, and you feel just as warm as you had running through the corridors. There’s the same sense of relief, though, that you’d felt opening that door.

He doesn’t linger, pulling back after only a few seconds.

“Thanks,” you say. He laughs.

“What, for that?”

“No,” you respond, smiling again. It won’t go away; maybe you’re stuck with it. You think about your grandfather and how he told you that if the wind changed, you’d be stuck making that face forever. “For coming to see me.”

He leans back in and kisses you again, more playful this time, firm at first and then dotting them like bursting stars around your mouth.

“You’re amazing,” he says. “So amazing.”

“So you’ll come see me again?”

“Every night, if you’ll have me.”

-

[julcia404]

Lost Scenes Thursday! Get to know your favourite authors better. Show five scenes from either abandoned fics where you regret they will never see the light of day, or five scenes from WIPs where you are impatient to see them out there. Long, short, one-liner... it's all good reading. Tag five other authors where you are curious.

(feel free to ignore it though :))

Heya, my fabulous one ♡

Alright, five scenes...let's see how many I can actually find that I'm willing to share 🤭 please keep in mind that they all still need different amounts of (heavy) editing and probably rearrangements, and that I don’t know if or when I'll ever find the courage to actually finish and post them...yadda yadda...here goes nothing 😅

Those first two are from the same WIP that originally was an idea I had for a Duskwood-fanfic (and initially inspired by songs - many of my ideas are 🤭), but I was thinking about turning it into something original...maybe...in 500 years...

Sister Sun Brother Moon / You Only Want Me 'Cause You Want My Sister - Part 1

She is the sun, the center of our little solar system. Everything revolves around her, everyone here builds their lives around her. Like planets, dwarf planets, asteroids, meteoroids, comets, dust clouds...they all orbit the sun. But when she's there, nothing else can be seen anymore: everyone looks at her and she leaves them blind for other things. People hurt themselves for the sun, to be able to get a ray of her all-encompassing light and to feel a little warmth. But it’s a hazardous, harsh warmth - and her blinding and glaring light, it outshines everything else.

They're not able to grasp that though - we humans really are a dumb race. Like Icarus, they burn their wings while trying to get close to her. They feel drawn to her like a moth to the light and once they reach their goal, they realize that it isn’t as great as suspected. But it’s too late then.

She outshines everything and everyone, leaving no room for anyone else's light, and burning them alive. When the sun comes up, the planets and stars fade away and she's the only visible thing...

She has to go.

I don’t want to be a distant star anymore.

Sister Sun Brother Moon / You Only Want Me 'Cause You Want My Sister - Part 2

However, I was never one of them. I was an outsider, an outcast, someone who watched but never took part. Lilly the observer, the cute little wallflower, hiding in the shadows of others. Oh, if only they knew what worlds exist in my mind! It’s time for me to finally get involved, it's time for some chaos. I don’t want to be invisible anymore - I want to be seen. Noticed. Acknowledged. Accepted and valued even, if I'm lucky. But being seen and respected would be enough, even if it means that I have to throw their worlds into chaos.

Whether they like it or not - they will notice me. I'll make sure they do.

This one is a Duskwood-fanfic, and it’s...angsty and depressing 🙈 it’s a looong scene, so let's count it as two, alright? or maybe as a one-shot that never got finished?

Imposter

The moon painted beautiful shadows on the wall as I watched you silently sleeping on my bed. My tears started falling, and my heart was breaking. Again. This is not how I imagined love. This is not what I imagined for me and the man that I have deeply fallen in love with. I know that you feel the same, but I don't have the courage to talk with you about it. How can I ever tell you how much it hurts without collapsing right in front of you? Without dragging you down with me? Every day, I pretend that everything is alright. That I am alright. That you are alright. That we are alright, goddammit! That everything is going to be fine in the end. But it's killing me every time I see you, especially when you say how much you love me and that you would do anything for me. It shatters me into pieces every single damn time you touch me. I don't know how long I can bear this anymore, but I wish you knew how much I'm willing to go with you. To just be with you. And how much it hurts me that I'm not able to do so.

I try to suck you in, to burn your picture into my soul, in a desperate attempt to not forget what we shared. What we felt. What we admitted to each other, in silent whispers and giggles. The love that we gave to each other.

So I'm sitting here in the middle of the night, not able to sleep, fearing the first light of the sun...because you'll be gone in the morning. You're always gone in the morning. And I'll still be here, alone and isolated, mourning the loss of your presence once again. Again...again and again. When will we see each other again? Will you be back tomorrow? Next week? Next month?

...never?

Will we see each other again? I'm tired of the constant grief, but it is how it is. If that’s the price I have to pay to be with you, I'll gladly go broke.

I know you feel the same, I saw it in your eyes every time we had to say goodbye. I know, that’s why you prefer to leave while I'm still asleep now. It breaks your heart just as much as it breaks mine. Will it ever end? How long will we manage to go on like this before our hearts finally break for the last time? How much will be left of us then? Will you ever be free, truly free? Free from me? Or is this our life now:

You on the run - I'm not able to run. Because my body is broken and I'm a burden for everyone to be around. Why do you love me? Why are you still here with me, why are you doing this to yourself? You could do so much better without me...I wish you would just leave me and try to find happiness somewhere else, far away from my burdening love and your twisted sense of duty that’s holding you captive. Because I'm not enough, that’s for certain.

But I don’t want you to go. If I could, I would keep you for the rest of my life in this little room. It's not a long life anyway, so maybe, just a few years from now, you'll be free. Free from me. Free from that nuisance, from my miserable existence. I feel guilty that you love me. I don’t deserve it. I can’t stop thinking that I somehow manipulated you into this whole thing, that you love a picture of me I created for the outside, for the world to see. But deep inside, I'm miserable and empty and barely holding on. My ugly and broken shards are all over the place and here, in my little room, I can’t hide them. I'm deathly afraid that you'll one day wake up and finally see the truth, the ugly and monstruous reality of my pointless life, and then you'll run - finally run away from me - I'm sure of that.

And I dread that day just as much as I want it to finally come.

Alright, let's end with something lighter...this is the beginning of a possible short story that demanded to be put into words, and started as random rambling in my most favorite discord-server 🤭💙

Spunky

It was late at night when I heard a distant 'meow'. Weird, considering that I live in a building where no pets are allowed...but yet here I was, listening to these feline sounds. Where did it come from, and most importantly - how? How was that possible? I live on the fifth floor and a cat in the hallway would've been noticed by my neighbors. Especially Mr. Wilkinson, who was always on the lookout for possible rule breakers to report them to the landlord.

I groaned and decided that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep now anyway, so I got up and searched for the source of these unusual sounds in my apartment.

But when I entered the kitchen, something changed: it was quiet - absolutely quiet. I wasn’t able to hear anything, not even my own movements, and that was quite an unpleasant feeling. I'm not a person that's easy to impress, or scare, but this situation made me feel a bit…uncomfortable. The wind at my windows, the noise of the city, the creaking old walls of this house, the snores of the kind lady next door, my other neighbor's TV, the buzzing of my fridge, my breath, my heartbeat, any sign of the world - gone. As if everything stopped existing altogether. As if I was living in a thick, deafening vacuum with no way out. Ironically, I was holding my breath while I tried to find out which otherworldly thing caused this unsettling situation, when suddenly…‘meow’.

I jumped higher than humanly possible, frightened and with a high-pitched shriek. What the fuck was happening here? What did I walk into? I should have listened to my mother when she told me not to live alone…or at least not in this apartment, where the previous tenant passed away and wasn’t found for almost two weeks. Mr. Wilkinson, that nosy neighbor with no sense of privacy, felt the need to tell me everything about my predecessor on my first day in my new home, and that she definitely had a pet, against every rule, but always denied it. Well, a pet was never found, the suspected pet owner on the other hand…what a warm welcome.

‘Meooooow…’ Again! Where did that come from? I turned around, trying to locate the direction of those laments, but it was quiet again.

That's it for now 🤭 I hope you liked some of them...

thank you for the ask ♡