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Hihi! could you perhaps do a spencer reid x reader? i have this idea on like, how would it be if the reader repeatedly tried to play chess with reid just to get to chat with him on their free time even if the reader isnt as proficient in chess as him! thank u lovely!
CHECKMATE
summary: the only way spencer would talk to you was through chess.
genre: fluff!!
pairings: spencer reid x reader
authors note: i know nothing about chess, i used to have a chess board and pretend the pieces were students and a school and one by one line them up in a line and walk them onto the chess board 😂
you were new to the bau, everyone else on the team had welcomed you with open arms. you had pretty quickly became part of their close knit family, and everyone had grown a soft spot for you.
everyone besides spencer.
you had heard about the infamous dr. reid. you had read about him before joining the bau, he had piqued your interest when reading some of his interesting papers he had released, he had different opinions and views on things, he was also extremely smart.
you had tried talking to him once or twice but he just brushed you off, or replied stiffly and barely even looked at you.
you had tried asking penelope about it, you had known she’d be the only one on the team who wouldn’t tease you about it.
but when you came to her, ranting frustratedly about how he wouldn’t even look at you, she laughed softly and placed a hand on your arm.
“you’ve got it bad, sweetie.” she joked, “and so has he.”
you weren’t an idiot, you knew what penelope had been implying, however you weren’t sure she was right.
spencer couldn’t ‘have it bad for you.’ he barely acknowledged you. you however, were sure about your feelings for spencer, and you had it bad.
but you were determined to befriend him.
the team seemed to notice the way both of you seemed to dance around each other, awkwardly, you trying to gain his attention and him trying to get your attention off him.
you had found a loophole.
chess. emily had mentioned how spencer was insanely good at it, along with poker, but you weren’t skilled in poker, you however had some history in chess, growing up in chess club that is.
spencer had began to notice how whenever he had some free time on the jet you’d ask him to play chess, he couldn’t say no, he loved chess.
he began to look forward to his time on the jet, as he knew eventually you would come sit beside him and ask him to play chess.
this was the only time he was able to interact with you, chess didn’t have much talking involved. he could simply sit, play the game in your presence, he didn’t even have to look at you.
derek had smacked him upside the head way too many times when he’d awkwardly avoid you, or straight up ignore your existence. it wasn’t his fault you made him so nervous.
after a few weeks of feeling the need to run away every time you tried to talk to him, spencer had tried ranting to penelope about it. he knew she wouldn’t judge.
he complained about the fact that he couldn’t talk to you and he didn’t know why, that he thought you shouldn’t be on the team as you were intimidating him and making it harder for him to work.
she only laughed and patted his shoulder. “oh you have got it bad sweetie.”
spencer knew what she meant by that, and as much as he wanted to deny it, he feared she was probably right.
“chess?” you ask, holding up the box, in which he smiled. “chess.” he repeated.
you began setting up the board accordingly, he watched with careful eyes, his glasses almost slipping off his nose, but he quickly pushed the frame back right again.
once you were done he looks up at you, a little red. “ladies first.” he explained, gesturing to your white pieces, making you chuckle. white always goes first anyway, no matter what, and he knew that.
you begin to take the first move, and spencer is quick to observe your moves. you weren’t the best chess player in the world, in fact most of your moves were predictable, but spencer was a gentleman and decided to go easy on you.
as the game goes on, you notice how spencer becomes more and more invested, you’d obviously seen him like this before, you’d played a couple of games of chess with him, but this time, he didn’t seem invested as much in the game, but in your face?
you boiled it down to he was just observing your next move, but you weren’t an idiot, spencer kept glancing at you through the top of his glasses, with flushed cheeks, you easily noticed, he was not exactly subtle.
“is there something on my face?” you ask, his eyes shoot away, this was the first time you’d spoken during the match. “you keep looking at me.”
his cheeks go impossibly red, and derek, who’d been invested in the, real life romcom-esqe moment going on throws his head back in a silent laughter. he had never seen his friend so flustered before.
he quickly shakes his head. “no! i’m observing your strategy, that’s all!”
he knows it’s a lame excuse, even you, did not look too convinced, but you were happy he finally was talking to you, and you continue on with the game, swinging your legs beneath you
the game went on and spencer was distracted, completely, he didn’t notice you had the final move, your eyes widen as you take it, and your mouth shakes before knocking out his king.
“checkmate.” you say astonished. you had not won against him, ever.
his head shoots down observing the board, the whole team began to notice as he quickly looked over every piece on the board. you won.
“he lost?” emily asked from her seat. “you’ve lost your streak boy genius.” derek pats him harshly on the back a devious grin on his face.
“i did.” spencer confirmed, grinning slightly. he hadn’t lost a game of chess since he was twelve.
winning started to get boring after a while.
“idiots.” penelope mutters to derek as the pair of you continue to steal glances at each other the rest of the trip, sporting smiles the rest of the jet ride. “they’re idiots in love.”
#spence reid#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic
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I havent seen a fic for bumblebee yet and I'm sure you have your own plans that I will love anyway but I thought id throw an idea out😳
So, bumblebee gets his human somehow but the catch is they're selectively mute. So they take a little while to get comfortable talking to him-but otherwise physically settle in pretty quickly because hes just so doting taking really good care towards the human, finding them cute and he doesnt really *seem* threatening, just over excited maybe(?) but their partial muteness could lead to some fun interaction possibilities💛🙏 but yeah you dont have to do anything with it if you dont vibe w it lol but I just thought it might be a sweet option for if you write for everyone's favourite gentle bee eventually💛
P.s. I absolutely love your work!!! You give off professional writer with a side obsession that the fandom is SO lucky to have💗
Thanks- I’ve been meaning to write Bee for a bit since y’all keep asking.
Last Night
Bumblebee x Reader
• Moving into the tree line, Bumblebee can feel the sun warming him, the subtle change in temperature as he enters the shade. Hear little birds chirping above him, catch glimpses of them flitting among the branches. Slowing and keeping low, because there they are. Ethereal little organics moving about under the trees, heads lifting and ears flicking as they graze. Some of them have arching growths like branches on their heads, their thin legs looking incapable of holding their weight. They remind him of the life he’d seen on the surface of Cybertron long ago. Things curiously like these, but metal like a Cybertronian, they make him homesick to watch, but he keeps coming back anyway.
• A cardinal, bright against the bone-stark branch of a sycamore. Inhaling, you lift the camera and click off a few shots, managing to catch it in flight when it takes off. Fingers tightening on your camera, you move deeper into the woods. Having to remind yourself to watch for snakes, to occasionally look down. Losing yourself in the world through the lens, it’s a faint rustle ahead of you that slows your steps. There. Deer grazing in a natural clearing in the trees. Smiling you lift the camera, finger flying to take as many pictures as you can, hearing one of them snort. Heads up and alert. To you? Zooming in on a buck, you inhale because there’s something there on the other side of the clearing. Big and yellow and- are those eyes staring at you?
• He freezes, staring at the human dappled in spots of sun and shadow. Missed you completely so transfixed in watching the animals. Frozen as you lift the little box in your trembling hands and do something with it. Human tech that does who knows what. And he’s standing suddenly in alarm sending the animals bounding off into the underbrush. “Hey, wait,” he says as your eyes widen, mouth falling open. Then you’re running, too.
• You can’t scream, can’t make a sound as you run through the trees feeling branches whip your skin and brambles claw at your hair and clothes. That big yellow, metal monster is right on your heels, huge feet crashing after you. It’s faster than you, your heart racing as you feel its fingers brush your backpack and you’re brought up short. Unable to breathe or cry out, too paralyzed with fear as your feet leave the ground. Kicking, you squirm your arms out of the backpack straps and fall into a bush.
• Scrap, you’re quick. Dropping the thing you abandoned, he makes another grab and his servos close on you. Upside down and making a funny hitching sound, the whites show all around your eyes. “It’s okay. You’re okay,” he croons, trying to turn you upright and you just go limp in his servos. And he freezes in horror. Had he broken you that easily? No, he can feel your heart beating still, but you’re unresponsive. “It’s okay.” He’s not sure if he’s talking to you or himself as he adjusts his hold. Ratchet. He can fix this, make it right.
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crave // sam and colby
A/N: sorry for posting this so late. had to finish up a few things on it, and i'm super tired so it kinda took me a while. this fic was a lot of fun to write, and if you squint it's sort of a sequel to "our girlfriend" (but not actually). lmk what you think and happy haunting :)
prompt: snc are vamps, but they need to keep their secret under wraps. they ask you, their long time best friend, to come out with them on tour to be their blood donor. what could go wrong? || AU!vampire!sam and colby x fem!reader
trigger warning: SMUT, but no actual sex, just a lot of dirty talk/description, snc are vampires, mentions of blood, biting, blood drinking (from both parties), their blood makes you horny, cursing, petnames mentioned: baby girl, sweetheart, darling, good girl, ours, deception, possibly some dubcon so just be weary of that if that's not your thing, but don't worry… it's all a dream…. or is it???
word count: 5428
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was odd having vampires for friends while being a human. Odd, but interesting.
Sam and Colby had been my friends since they moved out to LA, and it felt like we knew each other longer than that. We grew close almost instantly, telling each other some of our deepest secrets within the first few days of knowing one another. Then one day, they told me they were vampires. Of course I didn’t take them seriously; I mean who would? Vampires aren’t real.
I soon learned very quickly that they were when I caught one of the boys drinking from a girl at a party.
Eventually I came around to the idea. I mean, vampires are pretty cool, so knowing my best friends were ones was kind of awesome. Especially since that lead to so many other questions of what else is out there.
Sam and Colby weren’t much help in that department. They only knew that they were changed right before moving to LA. They didn’t know by who or why, but they learned to accept it and embrace it quickly. Everything new that they learned about themselves and their kind, they told me.
They were scared, however, that one day their secret would come out. A very small number of people knew about their... abilities. Vampires weren’t known to the broader world yet, and they definitely didn’t want to be the first to come out.
It was getting harder to hide their secret as they grew more and more successful. More eyes were on them. And then they told me about how they planned to go on a tour, meeting as many fans as possible across the US. I was excited for them, but was a little nervous. They deserved all the love that they were getting from their fans, but hiding their true identity wasn't going to be easy on tour.
But then, they asked me something I would have never expected.
“Would you go on tour with us as our... blood donor?” Colby asked, unable to keep eye contact with me.
I raised an eyebrow at him and Sam, “...What?”
“Okay, so... usually when we go out of the country or whatever, we’re able to secure a donor, or even blood bags from local hospitals. But because we are going to every state, sometimes twice, it’s hard to do that without people growing suspicious. And while we could go feed on people, we might get caught. So we were wondering if maybe you would want to go on tour with us and... we would drink from you instead.” Sam explained, fidgeting slightly in his chair.
Colby chimed in, “Of course you can say no. But if you do it, we would 100% compensate you, however you want. We know you’re busy with your career as well, but we promise to pay you well. And of course get you your own hotel rooms and food.”
“Everything would be paid for. And you would really be doing us a solid.” Sam added.
“What would my position be for those that ask?” I questioned, crossing my arms.
“You’d be our second assistant, since we already have one. Plus, we would just let anyone know that you’re our friend joining us to meet fans.” Sam answered.
“Hmm..." I asked, lowering my voice, "Does it hurt? Being... fed on?”
“The initial bite can feel like being pricked with a needle. But afterwards, it shouldn’t be bad.” Sam remarked.
Colby commented, "Plus we would give you our blo-"
Sam smacked him in the arm, glaring, "Dude, how about we ease into that conversation?"
"You would give me your blood? To what?" I queried.
They both paused, "...Drink."
I narrowed my eyes, "Humans can drink vampire blood?"
"Yes. And apparently they like it. A lot." Colby laughed.
Sam smirked, "He dated a girl once that got really into his blood. So much so she stalked him for it."
"Jesus," I mumbled. "Wait, was that-?"
"Ashley, yeah." Colby nodded.
I gasped, "Oh my god, I thought she was just crazy."
"Well, she was. Off of vampire blood." Sam chuckled.
"Our blood can give a euphoric feeling to the person that drinks it. So sometimes people react to it like it’s a drug." Colby mentioned.
Sam continued, "But it heals you, which is why we give it in the first place. If we drink from you, you drink ours."
"So... will you do it? Be our blood donor?" Colby asked, a nervous smile on his lips.
I took a minute, weighing the pros and cons in my mind. I exhaled, nodding, "Sure."
Both of them grinned excitedly. "Thank you, Y/N. You have no idea how much this helps us."
~~\ /~~\ /~~
The tour began a couple days later, all of us meeting at the airport and flying to our first stop, New York City. The meet and greet, sponsored by Zumiez, was being held in a large theater. It was gorgeous and very spacious. The nice thing was that I got my own little dressing room, filled with snacks and anything else I had requested. I was surprised at how weirdly relaxing my day had been, having just sat around and worked on a few things for my actual job.
Sam and Colby hadn't fed on me yet, and I was getting worried. How often do they need to drink? Are they both going to do it at once? Is it actually going to hurt? What-?
A soft knock at my door brought me out of my thoughts. I walked over to the door, opening it slowly. Sam stood, leaning against the door frame. "Can I come in?"
I nodded, opening the door more for him. "What's up?"
"Would you be okay with me drinking from you now? I know it's kind of last minute, but I promise next time I'll give you more of a heads up. Or maybe we could make a schedule or something." He laughed awkwardly.
"Can I ask some questions before we do it?" I requested, sitting down on the couch.
He agreed, leaning against the vanity across from me. "Of course. Whatever you want to know."
"How often do you guys need to drink?" I questioned.
"Once a day is usually our go to. More sometimes if we're really hungry or if we skipped a day." He admitted plainly.
"Do you both have to drink from me simultaneously?" I continued.
Sam shook his head, "No. If anything, it's better that we do it separately, especially since this is the first time you're having someone feed off of you."
"So Colby is gonna feed off of me later?" I asked, relaxing back against my seat.
"Maybe. He might skip today and feed tomorrow. That's what he was thinking of doing. He's a bit stronger than me when it comes to..." Sam cleared his throat, "urges."
"Oh... Have you guys ever... you know?" I mimed slicing my throat, killing someone.
He gaped at me, "My God no. We know how to stop before it ever gets to that point. The last thing we want to do is kill someone. So you don't need to worry. Plus, too much human blood makes us high."
"Really?" I snorted.
"Yeah. We only learned that from a random vampire we met in Vegas, so it might be a lie. We haven't exactly tested that theory." He commented.
"Okay..." I exhaled, "I think I'm ready."
He walked towards me, smiling politely. "Alright. Come here."
I slowly stood up, stepping towards him. He placed his hands on my waist, holding me in place.
He locked eyes with me, "If it hurts, you tell me and I'll stop, okay?"
"Yes sir." I saluted teasingly.
His face dropped, "I'm serious, Y/N. I don't want to hurt you. Neither of us do."
"I know. I appreciate the concern." I sighed, "Just drink."
He nodded, cupping one side of my face gently. He turned my head so my neck was more exposed. He lowered his head into my throat, breathing me in for a moment. My heart skipped a beat, confused and overwhelmed. I hadn't realized how intimate this was going to be.
Suddenly, he opened his mouth, sinking his fangs in. I winced, grabbing his forearms to steady myself. He took a gulp of my blood, a very quiet moan falling from his lips. I could feel my blood leave my body, my life draining gradually. My legs began to go limp, unable to hold up my body weight. Sam caught me, pressing me closer into his warm embrace. He grunted, pulling his mouth away, licking up the excess blood that spilt from the bite.
"Are you okay, Y/N? Talk to me." He held my face, making me focus on him.
I slurred my words a bit, "I feel... okayyyy."
"Here, let's sit you down and give you some of my blood." Sam walked me to the couch, placing me down. He sat behind me, leaning me against him. He bit into his wrist, blood gushing from it. "Drink, Y/N."
He pressed his wrist to my mouth, forcing my lips to open. I tasted his blood, grimacing at the taste. But suddenly, it tasted amazing. Like everything sweet I had ever had rolled into one. I wrapped my lips over his bite, drinking from him quickly. I had never been this thirsty for something before in my life. It was like being on the brink of dehydration and finding a whole bottle of water. I placed my hands on the back of his arm, needing him more in my mouth.
"There you go, baby girl. Drink up." Sam cooed, rubbing my hair softly.
I moaned against him, my body buzzing. My one hand dropped down onto his thigh, gripping it. Erotic thoughts crowded my thoughts, another groan leaving my mouth.
He pulled his arm away, sitting me up instantly. "That's enough, Y/N. Don't want to get you high."
I felt a whine fall from my lips, embarrassment heating up my cheeks as I realized what I did. "Oh, um, shit. My bad, Sam. Sorry."
"No, you're okay," he assured me, standing up. "I've heard it's hard for humans to stop once they've started, so we kinda have to yank you away from us."
I could suddenly feel my damp underwear press against me, my face burning up more. "I-I get it. Thanks for doing that. It felt like I couldn't stop. A-Are you okay?"
"Yeah, already healed." He showed his wrist, the bite gone. "Make sure to drink plenty of water and eat something. You'll probably actually feel hungry soon."
I pursed my lips. "Thanks. I'll make sure to do that."
Sam took a few steps towards the door, stopping abruptly. He spun back, his eyes wide. "Oh my God, Y/N, I'm so sorry. I forgot to tell you something!"
I blinked, "What?
"Having our blood in your system... it might make you dream about us." He stated.
I chuckled, "Wait really? That's weird."
"Yeah. But um... the dreams might be a bit on the... sexual side?" He grimaced.
My face dropped, "What."
"That's what some people, girls, have said to us in the past," he mentioned. "I don't know if it's true, but it can happen. So I just want you to be aware."
I mumbled, "Would have been nice to know about this beforehand..."
Sam replied, his expression softened. "I apologize, really. It just slipped my mind. I haven't drank from someone directly in a while so I totally forgot."
"Hey, it's alright. It's just a dream." I added, "It might not even happen."
He grinned, "Exactly."
~~\ /~~\ /~~
It happened.
It very much happened.
The dream itself was odd, all over the place, and I barely remembered any of it. All I knew was that I woke up hot, sweating, and aching to be fucked. By specifically Sam. That, tied with literally soaking my underwear as he drank from me.... I was not excited to keep this job up.
Even if the pay was phenomenal.
But maybe things would get easier. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after we got into a routine.
The next day they told me that they would make sure to have one of them only feeding on me once a day, that was I wasn't 'overworked'. Sam would go on even days, Colby on odds. And today was odd.
It was midday, the boys already a couple hours into their meet and greet. I waited backstage in a small hallway, scrolling through Instagram. Colby hadn't drank from me, and I wondered if he even planned to.
I heard footsteps coming towards me, heavy on the heel. I looked up and spotted Colby. He gave me a light smile, growing closer to me.
"Hey, are you okay? Shouldn't you be out on stage meeting fans?" I questioned, squinting at him.
"We are. We're taking a ten minute break." He responded, pressing his back against the wall by me.
"Oh, that's good. You guys have been at it for..." I checked my watch, "Four hours, wow."
Colby interrupted, "I know this is last minute to ask you, but can I... get a drink?"
"Right here? Now?" I pointed to the hallway.
"Yeah. No one is coming down this hallway. Security is making sure of that." He stated firmly.
I lowered my voice, "Do they know?"
"Of course." He bit his lip, "I'm sorry to do this right now, but I'm worried if I wait until after, I might... snap, on someone."
My eyes widened, "Oh... We wouldn't want that."
"No, we would not." He laughed nervously.
"Um, yeah. Go ahead." I stood up, taking a deep breath as I looked at him.
"Here, put your hands on my shoulders. I don't want you to fall over." He directed.
"Okay." I giggled, doing what he said. He lightly placed his hands on my hips, pushing closer to me. I did my best not to shudder, his closeness making my heart erratic. I turned my neck towards the wall, feeling his breath fan across my skin. I inhaled, and felt his teeth sink in quickly. I gasped, the pain lasting for a moment. I cupped his shoulders hard as he drank from me, slowly draining my blood into himself. He hummed, his hands slipping up my back and pulling me in deeper. I sighed, pleasure taking over my senses.
It felt good to have Colby this close, to feel him drink from me. That thought alone made my heart skip.
Colby pulled away, looking at me hesitantly, "Are you okay? I heard your heart stop for a second."
"Wha? Yeah, I'm fine." I could feel my hands tremble, "I think I forgot to breathe."
"Well, take some of my blood." He bit his wrist, pushing it towards me.
"I don't know, I think I'm okay." I argued half-heartedly.
"Drink, Y/N. Don't be stubborn." Colby smirked playfully at me.
I glared back sassily, leaning towards his bite. I placed my mouth on it as he pressed it further into my mouth. His hand rested softly on my side as my body turned into him, my back pressing against his front. As I spun, his hand drifted lower, touching the top of my thigh.
I sucked his blood down, the sweetness driving me crazy immediately. It was different from Sam's, but just as addictive. He chuckled deeply at my eagerness, allowing me to wrap my hands around his arm to keep him close.
"It's okay darling. Drink up. I'm not going anywhere." He whispered low.
My blood raced at his words, a whimper falling from my lips. I could feel it again, the ache between my legs. But this time I didn't care. All I could think about was his blood, or his cock. And both were making me wet.
He pulled back suddenly, a 'pop' noise echoing off the fluorescent lighted walls from my mouth. "Y/N, while I would allow you to drink from me for forever, I gotta get back."
"I-I-I," I took a deep breath, getting my bearings again, "Yeah. That's, um, probably for the best."
"Are you okay? Do you need me to stay with you?" He questioned, looking me over.
"No. Go ahead. I'll be alright." I confirmed.
He pressed his forehead against mine sweetly, "Hey, I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner about the whole dream thing. How was it last night? Did you dream of Sam?"
I stepped back, blushing. "N-No. No, I didn't. I honestly can't remember my dream."
He beamed, "Well that's good. Maybe it will be the same tonight."
I nodded. "Hopefully."
~~\ /~~\ /~~
We were over a week into this arrangement and I felt like I was losing my mind.
Every day one of them was feeding on me, and every night I had a dirty dream about them. It didn't matter if I only had a sip of their blood or a lot. If their blood was in my system, I was dreaming about them fucking me senseless. And that's all I wanted. I couldn't even look at them without feeling like I wanted to rip their clothes off and beg them to fuck me.
It was embarrassing, tormenting, and made me feel insane. And also incredibly hot.
Luckily tonight was our first night off of the tour. We decided to all go out to eat and drink once it got late. Sam and Colby told me that they planned to find someone else to feed on, or possibly hit up a local blood bank, so I could rest easy tonight knowing they weren't going to feed on me.
God knows I needed the break...
Even though Sam and Colby's blood had been out of my system for a day, I still felt this overwhelming urge to fuck them. I couldn't deny that feeling this way left me confused beyond belief. Sure, they were good looking guys, and at times I had thought about kissing them or what it would be like to date them, but I never gave it more than a passing thought. But now all I could think about was them inside of me, taking me and doing what they wan-
No. No. No. Not tonight. Tonight I would relax, unwind, and drink.
And I did just that. I drank, and drank, and drank. The world felt a little off balance, a bit too spinny for my liking. I leaned against the wall of the bar, staring at the dance floor lights.
Sam sauntered over to me, "Heyyy, Y/N. You okay?"
"I'm Gucci, my dude," I snickered. I pointed at his drink, "Wait, vampires can get drunk?"
"Oh yeah. Especially since we didn't drink tonight." He admitted, then laughed. “Did you think we were acting all those times you saw us at parties plastered?”
"What really? I thought you guys planned to get some from..." I waved my hand around, "somewhere."
"We were, but it was a bust. Or our connection fell through." He shrugged it off, "But don't worry, we'll figure it out."
"I mean... you could always drink from me." I responded, ignoring the dull ache in my stomach.
He shook his head, "No, no. This is your night off. You deserve it. Don't worry about us."
I raised an eyebrow at him, "Are you sure?"
"Of course, Y/N." He confirmed.
Colby stumbled over to us, saying something in Sam's ear. "Hey, we're gonna head back to the hotel. You ready to leave?"
"Actually... yeah. I think I've drank enough tonight." I giggled, walking through the crowd to the exit with Sam and Colby.
"Well, if you need to sober up a bit, our blood could help." Colby stated.
I huffed, "It's my night off."
"...From being drank from," Colby chuckled. "But if you want our blood, you can have some. Take your pick."
I glanced at the both of them, sighing. "How about we wait until we're back at the hotel, yeah? Then I'll figure that out."
The ride home was tense, or at least it was for me. I felt like both boys were looking at me, waiting for me to make my choice. My skin grew hot under their stare, the ache coming back again.
C'mon. This was supposed to be my one night off.
Entering the hotel, the boys locked arms with me gently, helping me to the elevator.
I smiled lazily, "You don't need to help me. I'm not that drunk."
"Really? You sure about that?" Sam smirked.
"Trust me." I mumbled, "I sobered up in the car."
“Well that's good. But you should still have some of our blood.” Colby persisted.
The elevator 'dinged' softly, the doors opening slowly. I walked down the hallway towards my room, the boys following right behind me. I pulled out my key card, swiping it and yanking open my door.
I whined, trying to pull my shoes off to no avail. "Remind me to never get drunk in heels again. It sucks." I flopped down on the bed, groaning into the cover.
"So, do you want us to leave? We can always do this in the morning." Sam asked.
I picked my head up, "No, it's okay. I'll be honest, I still haven't made a decision about who to drink from."
"Well take a second if you want to." Colby spoke.
"There's no need." I sat up, turning to them. "I don't want to do it out of order so... drink from me first."
He frowned. "What? No, it's your day off."
"It's fine, Colby. I know it is, but you guys didn't eat... drink, today." I assured him.
Colby looked over at Sam accusingly, and he shrugged. "I accidentally let it slip."
"You usually are a blabbermouth when you're drunk." I teased.
Colby shook his head, "We'll be fine."
"I mean... maybe we should drink, if she's okay with it." Sam argued lightly.
"I am okay with it. Plus, you'll just give me your blood anyway. So then we'll be even." I remarked.
Colby's expression softened, Sam's face matching his. "Are you sure? I don't want you to do this if you don't want to."
"I totally don't mind, guys. Really." I insisted.
Colby paused for a minute, then nodded. "Okay, but we're only taking a little from you."
"That's fine by me." I stood up, swaying back and forth as my lightheadedness faded. The boys placed hands on my back, keeping me from falling.
Sam snorted, "Yeah, we're definitely only taking a little."
They gave each other a glance, Sam sliding towards me first. I gazed at him, snaking my eyes across his face, then tilted my head back.
His voice came out in a husky whisper, "Aren't you eager..."
I rolled my eyes, "Just do it before I change my-"
My breath hitched, Sam's fangs sinking deep into my skin. I grabbed his arms, bracing myself as he drank from me. He grunted lowly, his body firmly against mine.
I peered out of the corner of my eye, watching Colby watch us. He studied my face, taking in my expression. My eyes fluttered as Sam pulled away, stopping much sooner than he usually would.
"Fuck... I needed that." He wiped his mouth, making sure to lick the excess blood off his hand. My core throbbed at his actions. I bit my lip to keep from moaning. "Your turn, Colby."
He locked eyes with me, "You good?"
I stammered, "S-Sure. Go ahead."
"Let me know if it's too much, okay?" He uttered.
I nodded, moving my head to the other side and allowing him access. He lowered his mouth onto my neck, biting softly. I exhaled, my hands holding onto his arms. He took a few sips from me, then pulled back. "Wait, let me get a better angle."
I squinted at him, confused. He circled around, stopping behind me. His hands slithered to my hips, tugging me closer.
"Much better." He grunted, then sank his teeth into me hastily. I gasped, surprised by the force.
I looked up at Sam, his eyes gazing at us with a devilish glint. He cocked his head to the side, slinking over to us inch by inch. "I think you should take some of my blood now, Y/N. Before you get too light headed."
He bit into his wrist, placing it in front of me. "Drink up."
I leaned forward some, taking his blood into my mouth. I sighed, euphoria hitting me instantly. I had never had one of them drink from me while the other gave me blood. My mind was race, my heart pounding loudly against my chest. My body in flames from pleasure and pain. And I couldn't tell which one I liked more.
Sam's fangs dazzled in the light as he spoke, "Oh, Colby. We forgot to tell her something again."
Colby released his mouth from my neck, swallowing, "And what could that be Sam?"
Sam's eyes landed on mine, almost empty of feeling, "When you exchange blood like this with us... it makes you ours."
I furrowed my brow at him, keeping my mouth on his wound. My voice came out muffled, "Ours?"
"Yeah. Ours. See, we might have deceived you a little bit." Sam shrugged.
"Our bad." Colby snickered.
"He and I have been into you for a while, Y/N. But we knew you only ever saw us as a friend. Plus, we didn't want to have to fight over you so we thought the best course of action would be to just... make you both of ours." Sam grinned evilly, "And God, you made it so easy. Just following along without question."
Colby pressed his lips against my ear, keeping his voice deep and low. "With our blood running through your system, you will always be ours. You will be just as obsessed with us as we are with you."
My mind and body barely took their words in, the only thing I wanted was more of Sam's blood. My cunt pulsed as his blood invaded my system, my mind only thinking of him and all of the things I wanted him to do to me.
Sam yanked his wrist away, a desperate mewl escaping my mouth.
My mind was foggy, my head catching up to what I just heard. "W-W-What? Are you guys-?"
Colby spun me, pushing me back into Sam. He wrapped his arm around me tight, biting into my neck. Colby did the same to his wrist, placing my mouth on it. I grunted against him, glaring at him for a moment before all of my anger melted into pure bliss.
Colby's blood mixed with Sam's... and suddenly I wanted nothing more than for both of them to take me. God I could almost feel them inside of me, touching me in all the right spots.
"There you go, baby. Such a good girl for us." Colby smirked.
Sam pulled his mouth away, just to place it against the hollow of my ear, "Our good girl."
I could feel some of my mind come back to me for a split second. I hissed against Colby's wrist, "Fuck you."
He scoffed, "Sweetheart, you can say that all you want, but I know deep down you don't mean it. Well, you don't mean it in that way."
"Don't lie to us, baby girl." Sam sang angrily, latching his mouth back onto my bite.
"You know how we know that? I've heard you every night of this tour moan our names in your sleep. I've heard the way you whimper and cry and beg for us to fuck you when you touch yourself," Colby growled, his eyes intense as they bore into mine. "Don't deny it, Y/N.
Sam yanked back his mouth as Colby pulled his wrist away. I panted, keeping my distance from them and pressing myself against the desk. They stared me down, taking me in like prey.
My legs were shaking, my body tingling everywhere. I felt like I was on fire from the inside out. I had never been so wet in my entire life. I wanted to scream at them, to hate them, to tell them to leave. But everything in my head and body were begging them to stay; to touch me.
Sam stepped towards me, closing the gap between us, "You're ours, Y/N. Doesn't that sound amazing? To be shared by us?"
I couldn't help but nod my head. I wanted to deny it, but it wasn't true.
"No one else can have you like this. Only us." Sam whispered into my ear, turning my head gently to look at him. He leaned in and kissed me deeply, taking my breath away with the feverish kiss. My hand dug into his shirt, holding on it as his tongue tasted mine.
I was ripped away from his kiss as Colby pushed himself against me. He cupped my face, rolling my head towards him. "Only us," he stated. He pressed his lips to mine, his mouth and tongue tender against my own. I whined as I felt Sam begin to kiss my neck, nibbling and sucking on the skin. I could hear him murmur 'ours' over and over again.
Colby removed his mouth from mine, following Sam's lead in kissing and nipping at my neck and body. I was overwhelmed, my chest rising and falling rapidly. I squeezed my eyes shut, still feeling Sam and Colby snake up and down my body with their hands and mouths. A breathy groan escaped my lips, my mind unable to slow down. If they touched the right spot, I would completely come undone.
I needed them. I wanted them. I would do anything for them.
The sound of silence fell over the room. Then, a low ringing took over my hearing. Soon it grew louder and louder and louder. I popped my eyes open, gasping.
I was in my hotel room, and it was bright outside. The ringing was my alarm on my phone going off - 9:30 A.M.
I sat up, my head weighing a thousand pounds. I was in my clothes from the night before, but tucked comfortably into bed.
How the fuck did I get here? Where the hell were Sam and Colby?
It suddenly dawned on me - Oh my God, that was a dream?
There's no way. That felt too real. That can't be right.
I changed quickly, knowing that Sam and Colby would be waiting for me in the lobby so we could travel to the next venue. I never unpacked, so I threw my dirty clothes in my suitcase, and trudged out the door with everything I had brought.
I stumbled down to the lobby, finding Sam and Colby waiting off to the side for me with their luggage. Their assistant was talking to them, along with someone from Zumiez's team, about the upcoming meet and greet.
Colby beamed when he saw me, "Hey, we were wondering if you were gonna make it."
"What happened last night?" I glared.
Sam turned at the sound of my voice, "Do you not remember...?"
"Just tell me what happened. Please." I answered, short.
Colby inhaled, "Well, we planned to... continue drinking in your room. But once we got there, you flopped on your bed and passed out."
"We figured you were too tired after all the traveling and drinking that we just decided to call it a night." Sam added.
Colby commented, "I took your shoes off before tucking you in. I know you hate falling asleep with heels on."
"Oh." I vaguely remembered falling onto my bed. And my shoes were off when I woke up… "I could have sworn something else happened."
Colby gasped lowly, "Did you have a dream about us?"
I immediately blushed, "Um, you could say that."
"What was it about? Tell me." He pleaded.
"I don't think you want to know, to be honest. I squirmed under their gaze, doing my best to ignore the parts of the dream my body couldn't forget. "It was kind of all over the place. And you guys were a bit... mean, to say the least."
"Oh, shit. Well, sorry that my dream self was an asshole to you." Colby apologized.
Sam agreed, "Ditto."
I half smiled, exhaling. "Thanks. I appreciate it."
"Of course, Y/N. You're our..." Sam smiled, "best friend. We would never be mean to you."
"Unless you want us to be, of course." Colby taunted, a mischievous look in his eye.
#sam and colby#sam and colby fanfiction#sam and colby fanfic#sam and colby fic#sam and colby smut#sam golbach fanfiction#sam golbach fanfic#sam golbach smut#sam golbach fic#colby brock fanfiction#colby brock fanfic#colby brock fic#colby brock smut#sam and colby x reader#sam golbach#colby brock#sam golbach vampire#colby brock vampire#golbrocklovely's 13 nights of halloween
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Sorry if it's weird. Do you have a fav scenario of Hugh/Wolverine/Leopold but more like fluff or smthg. than sex? Just the thing you really like to imagine with them lik idk. making breakfast with Leopold or something? Something that brings you joy when you thing about it 🫣🫣 I'm so sorry
SO MANY I realized now that I tend to lean towards angst bc I just love angst but I have soooo many fluffy ideas.
For Logan
Something along the lines of retiring with him. Just giving up the X-Men life to be a little selfish. You move to some remote mountain town. Logan works in lumber as he used to and you work at some tiny shop. Life is peaceful.
OH the first time Logan gets greys in his hair. Just the pouting from the fact that he's finally aged and you find it sexy. Just cooing and telling him that he's still your handsome boy.
Just flirty Logan who likes to make you all flustered and make your powers go haywire. Or who just flirts without on the comms.
Worst!Logan who has to get a minimum wage job to afford living here. Just the absolute hilarity that would ensue watching him work as a barista or like at a barnes n noble would be so funny
HANDYMAN WORST LOGANNNNNN (okay that one might turn into smut eventually but rn its just a fluff idea)
As for Leopold. I mean the possibilities are endless
Taking Leo to an amusement park and he comes home with a stuffed teddy bear or something
this is more angst to fluff but Leopold who is being hit on and says yes to a date with a woman without even realizing and you're all jealous and pouty and Leopold finds it absolutely adorable because he wants you and no one else.
SINGING WITH HIMM like the reader is a singer or theater actress and leopold can play the piano bc i said so and its just a cute little duet.
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i had a bleak breakup tbh. i just feel useless now
If this is the dead sex drive anon then yeah that'll do it.
If not: I absolutely feel you. When my first girlfriend broke up with me it was really fucking rough. I have some truly somber poetry from those first few weeks after the breakup. A lot of "I will never love again because love is fleeting and I cannot fix myself to impermanence." But then weeks became months and I started thinking more about the relationship and her and I started realizing that even though I still loved her I didn't want to be in that relationship any more.
There was so much I wished was different that I started wondering if I had even loved her at all, or if I loved the idea of her. We were rp partners and I think both of us fell in love with the "Could be" especially when so much of her affection was based on performance and her making aus about our relationship(should've been a red flag but I was young and stupid).
She broke up with me over text while I was on a school trip. It was a whole thing, that wasn't even the worst part of my night.
Anyway, all of that to say: time heals you. The grief gets easier to manage, and the rose colored glasses that breaking up so often puts on us fall off. This is not your greatest love, maybe you'll carry them in your heart for a long time but some day you'll look at the relationship and realize you turned it over in your hands so many times that it's turned to sand, and it'll be easy to let go of then.
You are more than a partnership. Aristotle was a punk ass bitch who didn't know shit about nothing. It may feel like you've lost part of yourself to the relationship but it's just hiding. Go out and look at the changing leaves. Get a hot chocolate. Find a spot of sunlight to read in. Eventually your other half will be coaxed out of the shadows like a feral cat, and you'll hold them in your arms until you feel whole again. It might take a little biting and clawing but loving yourself always hurts a little bit at first.
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hey you get it its an alien stage alien au—wait a minute... this is just invader zim !!!
some more random info abt this au under the read more ^_^ open at your own risk its a lot of yapping
till makes it his mission to expose the aliens (mostly ivan. he has personal beef with him) to the rest of humanity, but he's the boy who cried wolf. no one believes him because he's been talking about aliens and bigfoot and mothman and whatever nonstop all his life.
till loves the supernatural but also fears it. it consumes most of his waking thoughts. he doesn't like how quickly the aliens grow close to mizi out of a desire to protect her from the (presumed) threat. he's kinda like if dib invader zim was some gay art kid instead of like a supergenius
this threatening feeling comes from till assuming that ivan and sua are on earth for some kind of conquest and or abduction reasons. are they actually? who knows...
mizi is a bit of a hopeless romantic and finding out that sua was an alien only served to make her fall for her more. she could think of nothing more romantic than this scenario, actually. even till screaming danger at her cannot deter her from her love
ivan fights with till and riles him up because he finds how expressive he is utterly fascinating. he says its to "learn more about humans" but mostly he just wants till's attention. he himself doesn't know why he wants this attention, though.
sua and ivan experience a range of emotions in a similar way to humans, yet their species is discouraged from acting emotionally and isnt taught about what any of their feelings mean. all they know, at the start, is that these humans draw some kind of strange feelings out of them that they've never felt before.
(it sticks with the overall theming of alnst being about trying to understand exactly what love means.)
ivan and sua's earpieces are multipurpose tools. they're connected directly to the brain and can't be taken off. they can be used to generate their disguises (its a hologram type of thing), works as a translator so they can communicate with other alien species, etc.
what looks kind of like a nose on the aliens' faces is not a nose. their antennas are used as their olfactory system (they are also quite sensitive)
till is no longer crushing on mizi at this point in his life. sometime during middle school mizi came out to him as a lesbian and so he told her he liked her and it was a whole thing and they both cried. it ended up serving to strengthen their friendship. its been about 4 years-ish since then and theyre still inseparable
till works some kind of shitty service job part time, at which he met hyuna. she's like his cool older college friend and sort of older sister. he plays with her band sometimes
this takes place in who the fuck knows where midwest united states, and the humans are korean-american. till is first generation and usually speaks korean with his mom at home
it takes a while for till to first get a glimpse of ivan and sua's undisguised forms, though when he finally does something about them seems oddly familiar to him.
mizi sees sua's undisguised form long before till does. she does not tell him this
luka is an alien too. wonder what he's up to...
ok thats all love you bye ^_^
#lazers art#alien stage#alnst#alnst till#alnst mizi#alnst ivan#alnst sua#mizisua#ivantill#alien stage invasion#thats it thats the title#HIII ALIENSTAGERS HOW ARE WE FEELING !!!#using my stupid silly au to cope with the absolute nightmare that was round 7#ive been working on this for a long while now but i was suddenly invigorated to finish all my character sheets yesterday#this au is like my baby i mean its a combination of my two favorite alien-related medias#i have so many ideas for things for this i will eventually make some little comics or smth#maybe some more poster-ish designs too i love that stuff it just takes me 5ever#yknow i didnt make this with the intention of sua just Being gaz but about halfway thru#when i realized i had to give her a disguised form i was like wait. shes purple and hates everyone. thats gaz#anwyayssss ^_^ pls reblog and lmk what yall think this is my brainchild and i love it
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Late Night quick thing (New Age Sillies)
Bad news: That joke post about including Reset + Orchid is definitely not canon. (I legit got sad thinking about Reset being in a universe where Orchid isn't- because their stories are so so intertwined- but Nightmare 100% would NOT risk the whole twins exploding Error's soul thing.)
Good news: This means I COULD include Kane (Reset's older brother who usually dies in timelines where Reset is born) and use it to develope his character a bit more! Also! Perhaps a Blue × Dream kiddo is finally in the stars for me to design?
#new age au#really enjoying the idea of Reaper + Geno having an heir at some point (and them sending that heir over to Night's kingdom for#exposure to other places as well as to hang with his third cool knight dad who's hard at work 🙏)#Kane has little to no development besides being a perfect angel (foil to Reset's eventual turn to poor choices) so I'd love to do#to him what I do to every oc of mine. (Namely: Throw them into the Kingdom and see what they do.)#oh! and I could see Blue and Dream (beloved boys) listening to the warnings of possible complications if they try to have a lil babybones#and Dream deciding he'd take the risk and carry the growing soul#(<- though tbf this is MANY years into the future and they'd be well established knights of the realm)#i'm not evil so they *would* manage to avoid the twins curse and have a singular beautiful babybones#they'd get raised partially on the move but stay behind with Night and Error if the two had a more dangerous mission#and grow up to be an obnoxiously powerful warrior following after their dads#(but they'd probably be hesitant to follow into the footsteps of being a knight and might go on a quest with friends before choosing a#final path for themselves)#<- Most spoiled rotten kid ever. courtesy of Nightmare and Error and all their extended family <3#oh last note. Ancha has me cracking up w/ ideas for Cross potentially meeting someone and I was beamed w/ an old ship request post I saw and#I think it'd be funny to include Lust in here somehow... (probably call him smth else as a nickname but y'know-)#like. He works in the city around the castle as some sort of... idk tailor? and he's been making things for Nightmare for years without#knowing because Ccino always was discreet about the orders and providing measurements + always tipped well so it was none of his business#but one day it's like. before a big announcement ceremony or smth and Ccino drags Cross in by the scruff because no one can get him to get#clothes that actually fit aside from armor (hc he steals the others clothes a lot and wears 1 shirt until it's threadbare)#so Ccino makes him go to Lust and Lust is able to get him fitted for sone new outfits because. well. Lust doesn't do much but he's very very#handsome and Cross is super easily flustered and shy around new people and he's awkward and aughhh.#and then he thinks about the interaction for the next month before deciding he's going to ask Ccino to go back there again.#and Lust likes dressing Cross up in new outfits (everyone thinks it's great Cross is loosening up and meeting new friends cuz Lust introduce#s him to people in town) and it takes forever for Cross to get over his worries and ask Lust out to a ride on his horse (romantic. of course#) and Lust agrees because he's charmed.#and the best part would be Cross *actually* manages to keep it a secret. like. no one finds out until one morning Killer bursts into Cross'#room to wake him for surprise training and it's Cross. the weird Dog. and- holy shit did Cross have someone over???#Cross pulls the cool ones frfr 🙏#it's just a casual thing between them with little plot relevance or drama I think. just a chill lil relationship 🙏
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... why he sit like this
#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little#rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo#cats#It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually#getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol#Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime#I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering#all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty#e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time#that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense#that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh#I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol#which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything#I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still#recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually#slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever#reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished#any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky#and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly#going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et#etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make#stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin#.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care#and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc#ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it#82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol
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trying to psych myself up to finally do oc refs by doing fandom-related refs instead: volume 1
wanted to update my yuma from whatever tf this au is so he was a bit more unique... takes inspo from a lot of different things while also trying to be its own sorta thing? which is fitting given the au ;)
bonus chibi now that i'm also figuring out how tf to do chibis lol:
#my art lol#synth v yuma#yuma synthv#synth v#synthv fanart#synthesizer v#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#YES I KNOW ITS DIFFERENT but at this rate its the umbrella tag. all vsynth shit goes under there just like on main 😔#sorry for the annoyign watermarks i just dont want this to get stolennn/traced it'll b my joker arc. is2g#like thats never happened to me before as far as i know but now that my art is getting 'better' i begin to get scared that it will happen#if my fanart got stolen i'd def sting a little yeah but not hurt AS bad as if someone stole my original shit. THAT would hurt#one of many reasons why i post less personal oc stuffs. although as mentioned above i AM in an oc mood so i wanna draw em maybe...#and stuff like this is a step to develop a PROPER FUCKING REF STYLE bc i SUCKKKK AT MAKING REFS LOL 😭 BUT I SHOULD GIT GUD#i have a few other refs planned for vocaloid au (i guess???) related shit but they're not done yet. this one was also a wip that i just??#impulsively decided to redo & finish bc i wanted to draw but nothing else i was trying to draw came out right. advantages of many wips#i have SOOO many things i could say abt some of the things that went into this redesign but i dont wanna come off as pretentious 😔💔#obviously it was primarily inspired by the vimalion yuma design but. there's moreeee that i can't explain here bc tag limits and im shy#i do think i want to try and be more intentional with my character designs now so i'm seeing how that goes as i redesign some old ocs#man though this kind of stuff makes me remember i used to LOVEE doing this stuff. and now its even crazierr given art improvement#uaurhghh my head is buzzing w/. so many thoughts. THIS ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPENS I GET SO MANY IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY GFD#this is actually from today though unlike some other things i might eventually post. that'll make more sense soon#and fuckkk i forgot the chain necklace thing on the chibi yeah but i couldnt get it to look good. whatever
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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i made this a few months ago for a discord and i figured i might as well share it here too
#loz#legend of zelda#phantom hourglass#bellum#bellum is kind of a nothing villain but i like him#this image is basically the framework for how i write bellum's relationship with linebeck a lot of the time#the severity and seriousness of 'ruined your life' varies between aus n shit#ironically post-ph is one of the ones where 'ruined your life' is a bit hyperbolic#im in a talkative mood rn so im gonna have a little tag tangent going on#bellum is fun and like with this image you can take him many different ways depending on your own tastes and readings n stuff#recently i pinpointed some character i mightve accidentally based my take of bellum on and it escapes me rn#but i like to have him come off as a sort of brash young god sort of thing whos been very gung-ho about what hes been created to do and#represent and ive def leaned into him acting differently in different aus but backing it up with the idea that. hes immortal and thinks its#fun to try different things hwne he earnestly interacts with and among mortals. like in my crimson king au (the uh. one where he has a#homoerotic relationship with linebeck) his purpose behind masquerading as human and settling for a decidedly slower and more complicated#method of obtaining food and taking control is because he wants to challenge himself after years of just smashing through and taking what h#wants and because hes more interested in the more minute details of mortal interaction and how he could play along for a while#hes a bit more... whimsical? laid-back? something for the most part with linebeck because he's used to being a fuckin demonic god whos#mostly just playing around and not making attachments bc fuck it if he gets bored he can just eat these people and this one guy gets his#mercy and support because he's interesting and useful as a tool (and eventually as a source of genuine friendship. a common theme i seem to#have with bellum [perhaps as an accidental parallel or smth to the spirits n oshus] is him stumbling into finally understanding why#relationships are worth it? like a lot of the time his interactions with linebeck give him a new understanding of humans and he learns to#care about linebeck despite starting off seeing him as just an interested subject to watch or tinker with idk how to describe it#like in post-ph [ig post ph spoilers] as the fourth member of the main cast his main arc is abt kinda being forced to mingle with mortals#and ends up really caring and supporting these people and considering his own role and place in the world after kind of isolating and#surrounding himself with effectively a literal hivemind and loyal monsters and just reacting to outside forces with the intent to consume#and eradicate all danger so ig theres some parallel with linebeck too? bellum is a work in progress he's kinda a weird oc at this point?#when does an existing character stop being that and starts becoming an oc idk. its a weird line here bc bellum has minimal characterization#) anyways. funny meme or whatever. the discord seemed to like it im not used to sharing memes or whatever.#my post
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Tbh I'm surprised nobody else has brought up the idea of Richard being abused too
It feels like a lot of potential for it and an explanation (aside from their status) as to why Roy never got help for it either -- Richard thought it was normal.
Now this is just making me imagine a scene where Carmen remarks that Roy will "grow out of it" (it being his behavior) like Richard did in front of the other Hatz and Ross and Robert just share a Look
Anddd now I'm wondering how much Carmen knows
TW for discussions of fictional CSA/SA and mentions of alcoholism
Me too, I thought it would be an obvious assumption but I guess not.
Exactly, I’ve seen the fandom explore Carmen and Roy’s relationship regarding his CSA but never with Richard. I think it’s ashamed because there’s a lot you can write for the relationship, even outside of their CSA.
Omg that’s a good scene idea. The Hatzgang are realized there is a deeper issue, and Roy has to unfortunately unpack that generational trauma. I can see how learning his dad is a possible CSA victim, like him, starts pushing Roy to tell his parents but also discourages him because basically Richard unknowingly knew Roy was SA but never recognized it because he doesn’t know he was SA too. I also believe Richard normalized his brother’s actions too. It’s truly devastating how Richard indirectly contributed to the normalization of Roy’s abuse but he doesn’t know it’s SA. He believes those fun “games” him and his brother played were normal family bonding activities and is happy to hear his son is getting along with his brother, a brother he admired when growing up.
These headcanons might change as the series continues and the deeper I get into research.
I headcanon Carmen doesn’t know anything but has suspected something was off a few times. She never thought anything of Richard’s behavior at first because he alway been this way. When they became adults, she started questioning as Richard still had issues with intimacy at that point in their relationship and his alcoholism was at its worst. (Short ver: Richard started drinking at a young age to cope with trauma of his SA and the Uncle encouraged this, buying him alcohol for various reasons. Modern day, Richard is a functional alcoholic but has gotten better with his drinking)
As of the moment, Roy’s parents are unaware of Roy’s CSA. The day the Uncle died, Roy did get in trouble but for separate reasons. Carmen and Richard were mad at Roy for hanging out with “plebeians” and sending them to one of his uncle’s private properties. Roy doesn’t feel comfortable telling them yet because they’re snobby, judgmental people, so he assumes they won’t react well.
#sorry if the length bothers you#This idea has been taking up my brain#There is so much to unpack about this idea like Richard’s life in the past. the generational truama. and Roy’s life in the present#I also want to apologize if some headcanons are poorly implemented. I feel there was certain headcanons I have that wouldn’t make sense-#without other pre-lore headcanons to explain them and I didn’t know to add them smoothly#I have so many thoughts for this AU they obviously focus on Richard’s youth and Roy in current#I’m currently interested in fleshing out Richard’s youth and how he dealt with the CSA without knowing it#Especially the social side of like being a boyfriend and having dumbass friends who also are dealing with their own issues. develop their-#own terrible habits. and encourage one another toxic behaviors because they were stupid teenagers#I do have a scene in mind when Roy eventually tells Carmen and Richard about his SA and have written a little for it#Like I’d mentioned there’s a lot of potential with this AU and I want to see the fandom talk about Roy and Richard’s relationship-#More so regarding their CSA experiences. I believe it can be a powerful story to write#Though one thing I don’t like about it is how I have to write for the Uncle and give him a character#just a awful character to write for#eugh#BTW I do have a sensitive reader for this AU but criticism is still very much welcome#spooky month#spooky month roy#spooky month carmen#spooky month richard#answered asks#ChuchaYucca.text#tw csa mention#tw csa#tw sa mention#tw sa#tw alchoholism
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epic roblox montage
games: nicos nextbots (first 3 clips) and the remainder is arsenal, both on roblox!
song here: !! it comes from inside x its been so long jjoziah jersey remix
#i have so many cool roblox clips and eventually id love to make more stuff like this i had a bit of a different idea for this at the start#but enjoy the chars dancing and the aresnal gameplay from yours truly#sorry if it gets a little wonky but :p#also i may be posting another vid some time soon i am unsure cause it contains me singing but its meant to be a bit of a meme thing so#:p#roblox
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This is a dangerous sentiment for me to express, as an editor who spends most of my working life telling writers to knock it off with the 45-word sentences and the adverbs and tortured metaphors, but I do think we're living through a period of weird pragmatic puritanism in mainstream literary taste.
e.g. I keep seeing people talk about 'purple prose' when they actually mean 'the writer uses vivid and/or metaphorical descriptive language'. I've seen people who present themselves as educators offer some of the best genre writing in western canon as examples of 'purple prose' because it engages strategically in prose-poetry to evoke mood and I guess that's sheer decadence when you could instead say "it was dark and scary outside". But that's not what purple prose means. Purple means the construction of the prose itself gets in the way of conveying meaning. mid-00s horse RPers know what I'm talking about. Cerulean orbs flash'd fire as they turn'd 'pon rollforth land, yonder horizonways. <= if I had to read this when I was 12, you don't get to call Ray Bradbury's prose 'purple'.
I griped on here recently about the prepossession with fictional characters in fictional narratives behaving 'rationally' and 'realistically' as if the sole purpose of a made-up story is to convince you it could have happened. No wonder the epistolary form is having a tumblr renaissance. One million billion arguments and thought experiments about The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas that almost all evade the point of the story: that you can't wriggle out of it. The narrator is telling you how it was, is and will be, and you must confront the dissonances it evokes and digest your discomfort. 'Realistic' begins on the author's terms, that's what gives them the power to reach into your brain and fiddle about until sparks happen. You kind of have to trust the process a little bit.
This ultra-orthodox attitude to writing shares a lot of common ground with the tight, tight commodification of art in online spaces. And I mean commodification in the truest sense - the reconstruction of the thing to maximise its capacity to interface with markets. Form and function are overwhelmingly privileged over cloudy ideas like meaning, intent and possibility, because you can apply a sliding value scale to the material aspects of a work. But you can't charge extra for 'more challenging conceptual response to the milieu' in a commission drive. So that shit becomes vestigial. It isn't valued, it isn't taught, so eventually it isn't sought out. At best it's mystified as part of a given writer/artist's 'talent', but either way it grows incumbent on the individual to care enough about that kind of skill to cultivate it.
And it's risky, because unmeasurables come with the possibility of rejection or failure. Drop in too many allegorical descriptions of the rose garden and someone will decide your prose is 'purple' and unserious. A lot of online audiences seem to be terrified of being considered pretentious in their tastes. That creates a real unwillingness to step out into discursive spaces where you 🫵 are expected to develop and explore a personal relationship with each element of a work. No guard rails, no right answers. Word of god is shit to us out here. But fear of getting that kind of analysis wrong makes people hove to work that slavishly explains itself on every page. And I'm left wondering, what's the point of art that leads every single participant to the same conclusion? See Spot run. Run, Spot, run. Down the rollforth land, yonder horizonways. I just want to read more weird stuff.
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ᥫ᭡ thinking about heian era! sukuna having a heavy breeding kink, seemingly out of nowhere.
you bring up a mere idea at dinner, the conversation quickly turning normal, to you bringing up an idea he had never given a second thought to.
"do you ever want kids with me, 'kuna?"
you would ask him, innocently enough, a sickeningly sweet tone hidden beneath your words. but you would already know the answer to this question. he would look up at you, then back down at his food, annoyance pondering his mind. eating a slab of salmon sashimi, he took a bite, chewing slow enough to hint at his potential answer. placing down his chopsticks, he would look back up at you, scoffing to himself at your foolish inquiry.
"those small, annoying humans that require too much attention for their own good? no thank you, i have better things to attend to."
he says, focusing on the meal before him. but his thoughts soon get the best of him. and now that he thinks about it, he will need an heir eventually. and not only that, but what would you be like? as a mother specifically. you would require more attention than most of the time. which was something he secretly enjoyed indulging in, despite his negative reasoning towards infants. how would you look?
you would be more swollen than usual, you stomach would grow larger by day, your breasts will most definitely become more full by the day. the bigger picture, which was you, enticed him in a way. something about seeing you round with his child really had his head going.
and so thats how you ended up here, you knees tightly locked against your stomach, as sukuna absolutely plows into your already stuffed cunt.
this was the seventh time? eighth time? at this point, you couldn't keep track. but he had came wayyyy too many times more than an average man should be able to. it was excruciating, really, the whimpers leaving your mouth, his hands bringing your knees closer to your chest with every move of his hips.
his seed was leaking out of you, glop by glop, dripping down your bottom even more, as he kept going harder and rougher. splashes of your juices paired with his cum stained the bed, the squelching of your pussy becoming deafening with every smack of his heavy balls against the rim of your ass. and the tight grip he had on your locks wasn't helping his case.
"hah, you're gonna give your king his offspring? yeah? r' you gonna be a good little mother f'me? make me an heir?"
he asks, your head barely able to focus on anything other than trying to stay sane. you felt sooo full, but this apparently wasn't enough for sukuna, or his heavy urges to breed your sloppy cunt. you nod eagerly, not wanting him to go any harder than he already has. but with the way he kept abusing your womb, it seemed like you were enjoying it, as sukuna relishes in your facial expression, your eyes rolling back, your mouth hung open wide enough to stuff two of his free fingers in.
"you'd be such a good mother, so obedient too. you wanted to rile me up, didn't you? i'll give you what you want, woman."
moaning into his fingers, you swirl your tongue around his digits, making him hum contently. you try to focus your vision onto his eyes, but the way he pushed his chest further into yours, had you practically cross eyed. hitting a new angle, you felt yourself completely let go, officially adding onto your list of orgasms you had previously had that night.
he released his fingers from your mouth, a coat of your saliva stringing upon release. he ceases to pull out of you, instead letting himself nuzzle nicely into your warmth, releasing yet again inside of you, earning a whine of complaint on your behalf. he playfully slaps your cheek with his wet hand, trailing it down to your pussy, playing in the ring of his semen around his cock. you squirm slightly, as you watch him then bring his cum coated fingers up to your mouth, pushing them back inside your mouth, making you taste his seed, some of his cum pooling around your lips.
"does that taste good? i bet it does, since you seem to love my seed so much. i cant wait to see you so full, besides from right now, of course."
#sukuna#sukuna ryomen#sukuna x reader#heian sukuna#heian era sukuna#heian sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x Charlotte#heian#heian era#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x Charlotte#jjk smut#sukuna fluff
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sounds like an occasion........................... where i need to have a crisis :thinking emoji:
#im not having a full :head clutching in despair: moment but also#just questioning a lot of things where im like#i can't tell if the things im doing are for myself and my own interest again or theres that kind of influence that will influence me for#a set time until it's not part of me and it feels like all of my foundation just#falls off again?#am i having an interest and this is a thing i genuinely like/liked and will be always a part of me?#or this is essentially a fixation of some kind that will eventually become fleeting?#what is the difference between a temporary fix of an interest between a long term interest?#am i currently doing things that will be enough to reach what i want and what are those things im specifically aiming for?#i lied lol the more i started writing the more my mind just started spilling out from the ongoing thoughts#like idk sometimes. maybe im just awfully dysregulated and just facing those stages of burnout again. which is fine but time doesn't stop#just for me#so i just hate myself when i stop myself when that's like. part of the therapy i've gone through where i do this bc i feel permanent guilt#for not being a functional human being because ive been raised in a family of constant#need to make themselves worthy through constant productivity#:inthetrenches:#i'm just feeling a mixed range of feelings/thought processes in my head and i can just feel so many#ideas just going through at once; different conversations and tangents going at once#im also probably going through a little bit of like a socialization crisis#im surrounded by so many people but why i keep feeling so alone?#why does it feel like i just regressed to some socially inept teenager that can't maintain his focus for once with people?#im also having a struggle of like. knowing how to handle situations#should i be viciously angry at this one particular situation?#or is it something to treat as a mild inconvenience and move on from it?#:clutches my head:#i hate when these thoughts go through me because as much as i want to just exist and learn and figure out things as i go on#it feels like i miss my bus stop to feeling some sense or understanding things or having a foundation or what to think believe and feel but#but now it's all to zero in my head#i. really don't know how to think or feel sometimes.#i tried every method at stopping myself from spiraling but it just feels so heavy from everything.
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