#i have personal investment in the idea of him being able to connect deeply with a person in a romantic way...

[catboygirljoker]

i think about xigbar too much and often find myself wondering how many of his lives he ended up in a serious relationship/marriage, whether out of genuine feelings on his end or convenience or "my vessel was close to them, it'd be too suspicious to cut it off" like on one hand he doesn't strike me as the most monogamous or traditional-relationship loving man and like he has no issue faking his death to get out of things. on the other, when you live for centuries, what's a few decades with someone you like? i am also looking at him with rose-tinted glasses because i am horngry for that old man

YEAH i get you.... like, xigbar seems like a dick who wouldn't be interested in that kind of close relationship with someone, but xigbar is luxu after centuries of life, and also not long after the events of Dark Road—i think it's perfectly reasonable to imagine that when we see him as xigbar, luxu is at the end of his downward arc as a character, and that earlier in life he might have been a nicer person who was more open to those kinds of relationships!

however i have also joked before that if luxu has always had trouble getting close to people, and if he determined early on that it's not worth the effort to try to stay "in character" as his vessel...that maybe xigbar has gotten divorced more times than he's gotten married

[nonbinarypirat]

Heyyy so I saw you were open to questions and doing commentary!! So I was wondering do you think Azz and Iruma’s relationship is different than Clara’s and Iruma’s? And and also would love to hear any love trio thoughts🙏 tysm !!!!

this is a great question!! as a spoiler, i am deeply in love and invested in the soulmate group and love the connections they have together and on one on one ways. yes! i do think they are different in many ways! Here's a little break down on my thoughts on their relationships :) .Get ready for word vomit, i went overboard

Azz and Iruma: Azz and Iruma relationship is one of deep personal openess. That isn't to say that they leave Clara out of their personal feelings, they do, but both of them lacked the normal carefree freedom as kids. Azz because of his brilliance and Iruma because of his parents.

Due to this, we see they often fall into sharing thoughts and anxieties with each other in their solo interactions. Azz and Iruma have also known each other the longest, at least a week or two went by before meeting Clara. So Azz met Iruma VERY much when Iruma was at his weakest moment, when he was so confused about the world he found himself in. And despite the weridness with their relationship at the start, Azz has always been there with Iruma, he's the third person he ever met here. With Azz having toned down is extreme admiration to Iruma this has made these moments possible between them.

I also don't want to make it seem like they don't joke with each other, we have seen that they do. They have both changed so much when it comes to having fun thanks to Clara. Now, they are able to have a shopping day and be silly. But without Clara to really push the envelope when it comes to fun, they have more calculated fun.

Clara and Iruma: Very much a playful cutesy relationship. (I honestly hope we get more interactions of just the two of them in the future.) Clara represents the childhood Iruma never had, never could have, and therefore allows him to explore childlike wonder. How to open up in more expressive ways, carefree exploration, amd fun to the fullest extent. And by doing so, Clara is able to understand Iruma's moods better than most since we let our guards down completely during moments of pure relaxation.

We see this when Clara immediately saw Iruma was upset and needed to let out his emotions and just be a child. She knows when Iruma is genuinely happy and when he's stressed and doesn't know how to express it. And we have seen that Iruma greatly appreciates Clara for letting him experience and understand playing, something he never had the time to do before. And by being around Iruma, Clara has been able to develop strong moral and logical thinking. Clara has always been a character that is more aware of what's going on then she let's on. But I think the childlike part got in the way of full development in this aspect of her character.

With Iruma, she is able to explore and understand more complex ideas and thinking. One issue with being so isolated like Clara was is that she never got to explore any type of critical reasoning. These things can only be developed by interacting with others. And so, in the beginning Clara was very short sighted and immature. Now, she not only has the love trio, she also has the misfits and it's not clear if she would have been able to create this friend circle without meeting Iruma. She has grown so much as a character and I love seeing her be mature and willing to make sacrifices (putting aside Iruma time because Azz needed it more) while still being chaotically happy.

Love Trio: What can I say that probably hasn't been screamed about in a different post. They are soulmates, deeply connected to each other in every way and bring out the best in each other. They don't "complete" each other, more like they allow for each other to be themselves to the fulllest. They all default to too serious/angry (Azz), too hyper/inconsiderate (Clara) and too in his own way/"yes man" (Iruma) when apart and together, make up for their weaknesses and boost their strengths.

Each of them has been important to the other's growth. They all have their place in the love trio and deeply love their roles too. The love trios relationship is based on deep trust, mutual (and healthy) dependency, and joy. By being with each other, they have created a safe space to allow expressiveness and vulnerablity while still leaving room for fun and happiness.

And it's so cute to see how close and personal they all get. Especially Asmodeus who always felt more standoffish to physical affection in the beginnings, even with Iruma besides a hand of the shoulder. As the story progresses, we see them be more comfortable with each other and that shows in their physical closeness. It's just a wonderful design choice on the artistic side of things and perfect for showing them care more for each other. On a personal note, my headcannon is a queerplatonic poly relationship (though sometimes I ship it as a full on romantic relationship) so it's even cuter to me.

anyway, those are my thoughts and interpretations of the relationships! since this post become super duper large, I will make a seperate post about Azz and Clara and link it in the comments because their relationship is shaping up to be very cute too and not just iruma focused :)

[sideprince]

for the snape asks: 1, 12 and 14 please :)

Your favorite thing about Snape?

He gives no fucks and yet also cares so SO deeply.

He doesn't care what people think of him. He has a wonderful tenacity that comes from standing up for himself and not being intimidated by how others perceive him. We see it on the Hogwarts Express when he meets James and Sirius, we see it in the way he fights back again and again when they bully him, and we see it in him as a teacher. He doesn't care if people don't like him, because he's certain in his perceptions and perspectives. He doesn't care what the students think of him, or what Fudge thinks of him as he shows him his Dark Mark, or even what someone like Umbridge thinks. He can't help but be snarky because however full of self-loathing he might be, he also knows that he's the smartest person in the room and ran out of patience for everyone else's bullshit a long time ago.

At the same time, he is so deeply invested in serving Lily's memory and protecting her son, and as he grows as a person he comes to care so much for saving any lives he can, that his dedication ultimately costs him his life. As he works towards that moment, knowing it's on the horizon, his lack of needing to be liked by anyone serves him every step of the way. Chef's kiss.

12. While on the topic of Movie Snape, what’s your favorite Snape-shot from the films?

Brilliant. Best moment in the entire film series, without a doubt. Not one word of dialogue, yet it says so much. This is why Rickman was right for the role, in my opinion. He was incredible with physical work, and Snape, being a terse, serious, closed off character needed to be portrayed by an actor who knew how to speak through their eyes and movements.

The way he lowers his wand to signal he means no harm to Harry and isn't threatening him. The way his eyes convey a trust in Harry while also asking him to trust him in kind. The certainty in his hand as he puts his finger to his lips to convey that he knows something Harry doesn't. The look on his whole face, that says, we're not teacher and student right now, we're both here to serve the same greater purpose and we both know what's at stake. It starts with these these two characters who have a history of not trusting or respecting each other raising their wands to each other, and ends with him having Harry's trust and being in control, all in the span of three seconds. It shifts the dynamic between these two characters entirely. It’s the most connected and intimate these two are in the entire film series.

Snape's motivation is that he knows the moment he's dreaded has come, that he has to kill Dumbledore now, and he also knows that he needs to keep Harry quiet and below the action of the scene to protect him. Even though seconds later he will kill Dumbledore, in this moment Rickman is able sell the audience on the idea that this character has Harry's trust, serving both the goal of the moment between these two characters, and of the story itself because having that trust gives him something to subvert and raise the stakes in the drama of the moment that follows immediately after. There's an incredible amount of storytelling packed into three seconds here, and it's all character work. It's not the dialogue, and it's not the direction, it's pure physicality and decades of acting training and movement work culminating in a moment that looks deceptively simple and is beautifully, profoundly effective.

14. Favorite Snape line/moment? (books or movies!)

I love the moments where he lets the control over his facade slip for a moment and gives away who he really is, like when he's in the middle of an Occlumency lesson with Harry and hears a scream upstairs and immediately runs off without locking his office or telling Harry to get out. Or like when he runs upstairs from the dungeons in his night shirt in the middle of the night because he hears the opened TriWizard egg screeching and doesn't know what it is, just that it sounds like wailing. He forgets his own vulnerability, running out in a nightshirt that would, no doubt, make him look silly in front of colleagues or rogue students, and definitely doesn't help when he's confronted with Moody who already has him on the back foot Not to mention that the castle is described as cold and the man doesn't even think to throw on a dressing gown, he's just off like a bullet because someone might be in danger. I love seeing this character who's controlled, meticulous, who thinks first and then speaks, who observes more than he reveals, who's set up as a foil and is villainized by the protagonist of the narrative, drop everything because he thinks someone is threatened. Love a good chink in the armor.

I also love his first scene in the PS film. Dramatic. Ruthless. Establishes exactly who this guy is and his zero tolerance policy on bullshit. Irrevocably changes the vibe in the room when he walks in. Threateningly charismatic. Love to see it.

[time-is-restored]

btw this might be me swinging a bat at a hornets nest but like. absolutely none of my disappointment from the tl finale comes from ship baiting or any relationships that didn’t happen (though to be clear, i think the tedbecca fake outs were meanspirited and served no narrative purpose - in noted contrast to the season's earlier jamiekeeley fakeouts, for example, which were explicitly there to demonstrate jamie's growth + maturity)

tedpendant is a really fun concept for me, and i LOVE the characterisation + thematic potential there!

but as someone who personally resonated with a lot of ted’s struggles, the idea that ted could leave richmond so… seamlessly, for lack of a better word, really doesn’t sit right with me. the thesis of the shows entire first season - assuming it can be said to have only one - was about how everyone needs the love and support of a community, whether that comes in the flavour of someone who hypes u tf up or someone who will relentlessly call u on ur shit (or, as happened quite frequently, both!).

rebecca, roy, jamie are the clearest examples as the characters with the most screentime: they were all deeply isolated and disconnected from the people around them, and that was making them miserable. the connections they made with the team, the vulnerability they finally allowed themselves to express (the ghost banishing ceremony comes to mind!), and them going on to want *more* out of their life are what made their arcs about *progression* rather than *regression*. without that clear theme of compassion + community inspiring positive growth in everyone who encounters it, there is, frankly, no season one.

my personal favourite scene from season one comes right after michelle walks away from ted, when they’ve agreed to get divorced. ted sits down on the bench looking gutted, and a little shell shocked - and beard sits down with him. hands him the drink, and they sit there together. silent, but together. to me, that scene is an implicit promise from the episode, to the audience: ‘it’ll be okay. it’s going to be hard, but ted isn’t alone, and his friends won’t leave him behind.’

it also makes it clear to the audience that ted isn’t the saintly-giver-of-grace who needs nothing in return, as one might assume on first brush, but rather that he’s Also struggling with his own shit (as is everyone, always, in real life!) and he has something he needs from the people around him too.

and looking at the text of s3, and the conclusion to his arc in the finale, i just don’t believe that he got it. he wasn’t just sad that he was leaving (which would be understandable!), he was completely closed off. unresponsive to the people around him reaching out, borderline confused as to why they were trying so hard!

(side note, while i completely respect the read of ted and trents last interaction being rather rude + ooc on ted’s part, i personally read a different motive into it. for me, it was more like… he didn’t understand where trents enthusiasm was coming from? like, he read that as trent being too invested in what other people think of him, and responded in a way that he hoped would emphasise that ted doesn’t *need* to laugh at everything trent wrote, bc trent Already Knows that he’s done something really cool and kickass, and he shouldn’t value anyone else’s reactions above that. basically, based on his demeanour in the episode, i genuinely don’t think it would’ve even occurred to him that trent was more invested in HIS reaction than he would’ve been with anyone else.)

again, looking purely at the text, the show had already established that ted has really strong depressive + avoidant tendencies, as well as panic attacks (largely triggered by his fear of not being ‘good enough’ in various roles, ie: a father). we saw one area he was able to calm HIMSELF abt these fears (worry for henry, which is a Hell of a choice considering the ending…), but in literally every other heightened moment, he had to rely on his support system to help him make the choices that he WANTED to make, rather than ones inspired by avoidance and fear (ie: confronting michelle abt jake, talking to his mum abt why she was visiting + his dads death).

and to be clear, this is a GOOD THING! we’re not supposed to go through life alone, no matter how bad OR well we’re doing. rebecca and keeleys friendship isn’t worth less for all the scenes where they’re both in good places. if anything, the opposite is true - it’s lovely that they both have someone who want to celebrate the achievements in their life!

and fuck it, we’re sure as hell not supposed to go through life with exactly one (1) person whom we expect to fulfill ALL of our emotional needs at all times either! like, im sure i don’t need to labour my point here, but tying everything to one (1) person in ur life doesn’t make u any less isolated than if u were going it completely alone, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a partner. i won’t pretend to know the first thing abt what it’s like to be a parent, but i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that no parent would be at their best if they had absolutely no support/camaraderie/general love provided to them from Anyone other than their child.

so when ted is SPECIFICALLY shown to be in a bad place, over and over again (did he come to terms w his fear to be close to henry overnight???????), and then removed from his community? of COURSE the audience is left feeling unsettled, and like the rug has been pulled out from under them. there was no time in this finale dedicated to how ted would still be in contact with anyone from richmond. no promises of visits, or phone calls - fuck, nothing about emails!! according to the text, we might as well assume this is a clean break (and the maybe-dream-sequence does Fuck All to assure us otherwise. if ted doesn’t go to beards wedding, what WOULD he go to????). and since the show has ALSO completely failed to give us even an IMPLICATION of who/what ted’s support system would be in kansas, there’s… a reasonable argument to be made that this is It for ted. that, after two seasons doing NOTHING but attesting otherwise, the audience is supposed to suddenly believe that ted can (and SHOULD!) pull himself up by his bootstraps, and cope entirely on his own.

that, to me, is a betrayal of the show’s premise. we were promised a show about how, no matter how dark things may get, none of the characters would be left to struggle alone. and then they ended the show with ted alone.

i don’t know. i guess if i had to give this post a tldr; if anyone has any gen fic/meta/Literally Anything in the pipeline, i would absolutely love to be tagged/directed towards it. i’ll be endeavouring to write something myself, as well, but it might take a while before i can return to my WIP, lol.

[ctheathy]

PLSSS YOU WRITE FOR VOCALOID??? FOR FUKASE????

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME GENERAL YAN HCS FOR MY BOY FUKASE 😩😩😩💕💕💕

....ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴇ ɪᴍ ᴡɪʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ᴍʏ sᴏᴜʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀ sᴍᴀʟʟ ᴄʀᴜᴍʙs ᴏғ ʜɪᴍ..

Yandere Fukase Headcanons

Fukase x Reader

Yandere Headcanons

Author’s Note : Hihii Nonnie-!! You’re at the right place for Fukase content, love our unstable lil memelord here. Definitely going to be making some more content of him in future occurrences ahah

Fukase is really just grossly obsessed with an idea instead of the real you to be honest. It’s a more realistic view on one obsessing over another, and I personally really enjoy this concept for yandere aus of a character. Stay safe yall, it’s important your mind remains in reality.

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

Gender-neutral darling • Stalking • Murder • Abuse of power • Anger issues • Jealousy • Extremely delusional mindset • General toxicity • Guilt tripping • Obsessive behaviour

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There’s a few ways how this could go; quite literally being seen as a celebrity under vocaloid circumstances, I cannot see him as extremely impressed by doting courses. He’s loved all over the world by the many, many fans of his and he knows this. Although undoubtedly being appreciative torwards it, in a way he desires his own personal space and rest for once in a while. So if anything, I believe a darling who treats him as a neutral being instead of the usual idolising would rather be what catches his attention; his features forming into a look of genuine shock after lacking the enthusiasm he’s used to, his surprise being rather indescribable, yet he feels intrigued right at the same time. If anything, he’s the one off for showing his unusual excitement and interest torwards you; likely being closer to desiring an impartial conversation with another that’s not all about himself. This actually felt... favourable to him.

He’d want to get to know you better, questions literally lingering left and right. It’s just been so long since he’s met a human being that can treat him right; basic manners having often been lacking when meeting the average fan. He’d get especially excited if you just so happen to share a similar interest in music. His entire creation has been surrounded by the idea of taking good use of those vocals of his, of course he could not help but get himself all hyped up over gathering that information!! He finds himself continuously going back to the things he’s heard from you, remembering the music you’ve mentioned by chord and getting far lost in his thoughts with that lovely voice of yours being repeated in his head, it having become the most gorgeous tune he’s ever heard.

At first it happened to be quite innocent. An example being how you’d easily find your ways into his head whenever he’d sing tracks with hints of romance connected to it, and becoming rather giddy as his imagination did the rest of the work for him. As so started his fantasies, which would end up being the literal root of screwing over not only his reflection, but his entire sanity aswell. It had started from occasionally seeing you in the particular musical numbers in a sense of comparison, to constantly being reminded of you among the whole singing process as a whole. He gets too deeply invested into these mere illusions his mind creates for his own self solance, almost corrupting him in a way. And it’s only then when he realises how much he’s been thinking about you; from daily, to every hour, to every minute, to the point of not being able to get you out of his racing mind at all.

Things only worsen from that point, much due to his sense of music having quite the dark side to it. Many of the songs he’s required for that are considered an entirely pure context also just so happen to be in the minimum, becoming the start of his mind taking quite the disturbing turn. Instead of the usual lovey dovey songs he’d view within the two of you, over time these get twisted into the songs with the most sickening meanings behind it. These songs of innocence, they...they do not do anything for him anymore. He’d slowly start acting upon the information of these music genres; looking up to them, even. Over time, all has become nothing but normalised in his head, the continuation of it definitely not having been pretty so far. Hateful notions torwards those around are starting to worsen to a severe extend, and unsanitary thoughts have been taking place in the back of his mind. Pictures of you are starting to find their ways on his walls and he’d briefly find his inappropriate mind going even further than that when the satisfaction runs out.

A massive stalker at heart, silently adoring and following you around from the distance as heavy breaths leave his lips. His heart continuously beating in an uncanny manner and feeling as if it’s going to burst out of his ribcage each and every single time; may that be due to the fact that he knows it’s wrong or because of way his mind fogs up whenever you just so happen to be nearby in the area. You’re quite close to being a drug to the redhead, and the more he tries to keep his hands off, the more desperate he comes crawling back right after, one occurrence being worse than the last.

As for when he’s required for a concert, singing requests or through other means, he becomes a whole lot more pouty and incredibly irritated by the solicitation knowing he has no saying in the matter. His patience likely dropping down to zero, not wanting to associate with any other of the vocaloids who had also been asked for their attendance and just wishing to hurry things up with to get back to you as quickly as possible. During these occurrences, I could totally see him making a demand to Point to keep his eye on you, and making very well sure you remain in eyesight atleast every five minutes in his absence.

When it comes to shedding blood; Fukase is nothing above of it. Due to how aggressive he can get in the rivalry dialogue, his murders are usually pretty brutal and messy to say the least. His main targets honestly ranging between friends, to family, to mere strangers you’ve only met on the streets once. Telling himself that the reasoning behind it all would be for you, despite it honesty becoming closer to being an obsession of his own rather than anything else. He’s not the kind that’s up for torturous desires though, the patience of his being far too short for his liking and being limited to almost nothing when others just so happen to be in the picture. The appearance of the said opponent alone would already be enough to push his frustration streaks on edge, over time becoming as unbearable as it is. He’d often be one to lure his victims in, using his approaching and friendly demeanor and seemingly innocent intentions in a way to guide the said person to their destiny, only leaving them to rot near the stage when the job is done. Yet on the other hand, they’re likely never truly planned to begin with. It’s almost as if he’s in a constant rampage, his instability and growing temper having caused in quite the anger issues in his system. These also cause him to become a rather unpredictable yandere over time, not only causing physical and sometimes even fatal damage torwards his rivals, but emotional harm torwards his darling.

Even if he does still manage to crawl his way into your heart, you rarely know what to do with the boy. It’s always the question whenever he’ll be close to reaching his limits again or not; he could easily be having the time of his life, suddenly snap at you, and then leave him to have a mental breakdown right infront of you for apology matters. Which is something he’ll stand to rather commonly as well; making himself out to be much more fragile and sensitive than he actually is. Though his supplications for forgiveness at a moment’s notice would be genuine ; he’d also be one to plead and beg for your full-time attention if he has to, crocodile tears spilling from his eye in an unsavoury attempt to win over your compassion one or another way. He needs your observation, and he’ll have no shame in doing whatever in order to get it.

His position as a vocaloid has caused in the unsteadyness in his mind and has made him become highly fragile torwards any riskier emotions he may experience from time to time. He takes advantage of his fame in order to get what he wants. People have begun to disappear around you and you’re likely starting to become paranoid by now, but there’s nothing anybody can even really do about it without violating their position with him being the loved and well-known vocaloid that everybody just so happens to adore. His high position always finding one or another way to get him out of trouble. Any suspicions are disintegrated into being that of a lie and any caught acts are merely justified. He knows you’re going the be the end of his entire career at some point, but he straight up cannot get himself to care for it anymore; not as long as you’re there with him, may that be through participation or force.

Even if this includes being solely lured in by a mere delusion he’s created out of you.

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[artheresy]

Hcq Lore-ish Rant

WARNING: DISCUSSION OF LEAKS

I've been reading Jingliu's character stories and oh... OH... dear God am I in pain

First off, I'm not entirely sure who Jingliu's line of "I should kill you first... but you will have your own torment to bear for all of eternity." It could very well be directed at Yingxing like the structure of the paragraph seems to want to imply, HOWEVER countpoint

Yingxing falling into the mud almost gives the image that he is unconscious to me in some way, additionally, there is no actual dialogue/response that he gives to Jingliu which could support the idea that him falling into the mud is meant to describe him unconscious or unresponsive in some way. Which in that case, it could be seen that Jingliu's line was actually directed at Dan Feng who she right after saying that then points her sword at him. After all, her saying that line to someone unconscious (if we interpret the line as him falling unconscious etc etc. as I explained) wouldn't make the most sense to me?

If it was directed at Dan Feng there are two things, both of her lines would connect which I could see, she's saying that she really should kill Dan Feng first, that if his death could return everything to how it was she would do it, but since it won't he will have his own torment to bear for eternity. Additionally, we don't know? The actual exact timing of things yet, who's to say Yingxing had yet been turned into Blade at this point which would make the whole eternity , it's kind of unclear and all.

However, that interpretation could be wrong and it could in fact be directed at Yingxing, I dunno yet, we'll see.

Also goddamn the way The Preceptors absolutely set Dan Feng up is fucking cruel 😭 that man was set up!! And now for eternity his name is smeared and even his current incarnation hates him because of them and what he's been taught to the point of refusing to acknowledge how Dan Feng is an inseparable part of himself.

Also ALSO MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE CHARACTER STORIES, THE TRAGIC YURI OF JINGLIU AND BAIHENG IM IN SO MUCH PAIN! The way she speaks about her so personally, the way she can still even remember small details of happy memories they shared together, likely the happiest memories Jingliu experienced in her life, though parts of it may all be fuzzy. Like that's so... that hurts so much, Baiheng was taken too soon, Hyv was cruel to kill a character as kind as she 😭

And I saw Jingliu's animations and just the fact that her ultimate starts with her on the bow of a starskiff like truly hurts me deeply inside. AND THE FOX ON HER CASE TO REPRESENT BAIHENG WITH THE MOON BEING HERSELF

I hope we get more Baiheng lore, I'm so invested in her especially??? After learning from Jingliu's character stories that she was apparently a Nameless?? I hope we are able to hear about her time at some point even if it's just through like written archives or something. I just love Baiheng so much, she was such a clearly kind character evident from her travelogues and from what we have of Jingliu's character stories and voicelines

Sbe makes me so sad

[karizard-ao3]

My son (9) read Assassination Classroom recently. I read only the first few chapters and couldn't get into it, but he was enthralled. He hates handwriting anything because he still struggles with penmanship, but he was so excited about the series that he would laboriously copy down character stats onto a notepad. The ending made him cry. I was sitting next to him on the couch, working on a wip or maybe playing a game, when he said, in a trembling voice, "Mom?"

I looked over at him. Tears were pouring down his face. "[spoilers]," he said. "I want to stop reading. I'm so sad."

But he couldn't stop reading so he kept going and he kept crying. And he was still thinking about it days later.

I didn't think much about it at the time, because at this point, I've been deeply affected by so many pieces of media that I take it for granted. I cried at the end of the new Pixar short, Carl's Date, right there in the middle of the theater. I was a broken zombie for days after the end of Attack on Titan. My brother finished Attack on Titan and had to go lie down for a while before we could talk about it.

But, this morning, I found one of the note pages where my child had so enthusiastically copied out a character's details, and, left with a moment to think because he's away at his dad's for a month, I realized that this is maybe the first time he's become really invested in media. Like, he's had favorite shows and whatnot before, but I don't think he's ever let himself become so fully immersed in a story before. And I started thinking, what a beautiful and human experience it is to lose yourself in something that another human being has created, to have it find something inside you that connects you to it in such a deep and profound way that it makes you feel visceral joy and sorrow, that you want to talk about it and think about it and wrap yourself up in it. How lovely that a work does not have to be high brow or genius (in general, I haven't read Assassination Classroom to make that call for it) to get you in its grip and light you up. What a joy of being alive.

Bringing this back around to fanfiction, this reminds me of something else I've thought before. Being a fan of post-apocalyptic dystopias to begin with, and with the news over the past few years being the way it has been, I've thought a lot about society collapsing, and the future anthropologists (if there are any left) who will study our society. And imagine if all they have left of us is a remnant of the internet (I'm not a computer person. I do not know if this is even possible) where they find AO3, a digital library of tributes to original works. The original works themselves are gone, or lost behind a paywall, but the fanfiction is there, and the future anthropologists and historians and digital archaeologists (I made that up, as far as I know, but why not?) base all their understanding of how we engaged with and created stories based on our fan writing. What would they infer about us and Attack on Titan based on studying our Eremika fics? Would they read our "ancient classics" and be consumed by the characters like we were? Will they write essays about the many faces of Eren (is he a fuckboy or a simp? A toxic daddy or a pathetic goofball?)? Will they speculate about whether Eremika or Jeankasa is the true pairing? What can our portrayals of Mikasa reveal about our society's internalized misogyny? Surely they'll be able to tell from the comments and author's notes that these stories are based on other media, but what if fanfic is all that's left? Isn't that interesting to think about?

God, sorry, I went off on a tangent. It's just so exciting. Art and creation is so exciting, and the idea that these pieces of our minds can live on and change people even long after we're gone.

In conclusion, I just think it's all so neat.

[rosehearrt]

🌷 — taking care of living things

NO LONGER ACCEPTING ━ Muse skillset symbol meme.

🌷 — taking care of living things

Despite his lack of ability to take care of himself and deny his mother…Riddle is surprisingly incredibly good at this. I always say that I think that his first bonds upon coming to NRC were made with animals. Coming from my sociology and social work background, there’s a HUGE amount of research out there supporting the bonds between traumatized/ab*sed kids and animals, and how in certain cases it might be easier for them to bond with animals than other humans. To me, that definitely makes sense when it comes to Riddle, who was largely isolated from other people for so many years and therefore has very little idea of how to act around them the first time he’s reintroduced to any sort of wider society.

Let me start by speaking on his relationship with Vorpal, because that’s one that I think I mention fairly often on this blog. I haven’t yet come up with a how, but upon coming to NRC, Riddle very suddenly found himself invested in equestrianship. At the place he's in currently, riding gives him a sense of freedom he doesn’t get anywhere else: he’s able to let go of everything holding him down in his life and hold onto Vorpal instead, working in tandem with this animal who he shares so much love with. For me ( and this is where the hcs become very personalized to my blog ), I really like to picture Vorpal as one of those out of control horses, labeled as dangerous to riders and extremely aggressive. The school keeps him because they have the stable space, but he isn’t used for riding…until Riddle. the idea of Vorpal having some behavioral issues due to unknown past trauma taking to Riddle who experiences the same thing is so wonderful to me, as is the idea that he would choose Riddle to be his.

I think no matter how that first interaction happened, Vorpal’s obvious interest and favoritism would continue luring Riddle back to visit him, two creatures overly wary of the world around them becoming closer and closer. As a result of all their time together, Vorpal would become his very first friend at the school ( since I imagine it would take awhile for him to readjust to being around Trey and vice versa, but that’s a post for another day ). He's very protective of him as a result, and only brings those that he cares for and respects deeply around his horse. He's also very in tune with Vorpal’s emotions, and most of the time he can guess when a person ( rare as it might be ) would be accepted by him, because Riddle’s own approval is somewhat of a difficult thing to attain depending on the person. I think that Riddle genuinely loves his horse, and so far he's convinced his mother that riding and dressage are worthwhile, classy ( non nouveau rich ) activities to continue improving at, and has her momentary approval. It would break his heart, were Vorpal to be ever taken from him. I’m not quite sure what he would do.

All I know is he loves that horse, and even beyond club hours, he often spends his time studying in the stables or propped up against him in the field. Vorpal's coat, of course, is always clean and immaculately groomed, and his hooves are always in prime condition. Riddle keeps his mane and tail soft and without tangles, and his gear always adjusted comfortably. In fact, Riddle gets almost neurotic in his pursuit of caring for Vorpal, but it gives him purpose, which is a good thing. 

it’d be a crime not to mention his relationship with the flamingos and hedgehogs as well! Even in canon material, we see how seriously he takes caring for his hedgehogs. I think even beyond just generally connecting with animals easier than with other people, caring for them gives him purpose because he knows that he’s needed in such a fundamental way. He’s also extraordinary at growing different varieties of flowers amongst other types of gardening, and he has a passion for it. 

Beyond that, in regards to other people…I think he could be good at it, given the right time and scenario. He needs to learn to be less overbearing, and I think he’s already learning that the way he used to enforce his rules and regulations whilst perceiving it as his version of love, or the way he could look after the students under his charge properly. He definitely cares a lot, and he has a lot of big feelings. He just needs to grow a little more, whether through learning or watching, I can’t say.

[emmikay]

How Assorted Members of the Batfamily would react to watching CATS (a note- I am not at all up to date with comics. That being said, I know I’m leaving out several more recent characters, but I’m just sticking with the ones I have a better feel for. Also, if anyone’s personality has drastically shifted, I also wouldn’t know)

Dick Grayson- Dick’s from the circus- He has a blast watching the dancing, singing, acrobatics, costumes, and set and lighting design. More than most he understands the insane amount of work that goes into the show. While he might not connect deeply with plot or individual characters, Dick absolutely appreciates it as a spectacle musical, and has a really good time.

Jason Todd- Jason is established as liking literature, and the arts. He has seen CATS before, and is happy to see it again. He’s also read Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, and has thought about the differences in tone between the two. He’s more invested in character arcs than Dick, and also really enjoys himself.

Barbara Gordon- Barbara tries. She really, really does. She saw the 1998 video once, when she was little, and did not like. Now older, she wants to understand why people like the musical. She reads reviews, watches videos, and investigates fan sights in preparation. But when she goes to see the musical live, she still Does Not like it.

Cassandra Cain- Most of the family didn’t think Cass would have a good time at the musical, but it turns out the CATS is kind of the perfect show for her. In CATS, pretty much all character arcs, and personality are communicated nonverbally, and usually through dance, Cass just Gets It. She connects to the characters and is able to follow plot points far more quickly than anyone else in the family, and by the end of Act One, she’s been converted to a CATS fan. She wants to see it again as soon as possible.

Tim Drake- Tim is not having a good time. This is the first time he’s seen the show, and he didn’t do any background research like Barbara. He is bored and confused, and would prefer to be at home. He might not stay after Act One. If he does, it’s only because leaving would make Dick and Cass feel bad.

Stephanie Brown- Steph has fond memories of watching the 1998 video as a kid. She knows a lot of the lyrics and dance going in. Her enjoyment is partially nostalgic, though seeing the show again after several years reignites her love of the musical. She has a great time, and mouths along to most of the lyrics.

Damian Wayne- Damian has to dragged to the show. He hates the idea of the show, and thinks the entire concept sounds stupid. After the show, he asserts that he had a horrible time, and he will never forgive the family for putting him through that. Secretly, he actually loved the show, and might actually rival Cass as a CATS convert. However, he would rather die than actually admit it. Once home he downloads the 1998 video on YouTube, and watches it.

Alfred Pennyworth- Alfred knows the show well, and is delighted to be seeing it live. Since Alfred’s already been given every possible old career known to man, I’m arbitrarily deciding that Alfred was a member of the original London West End cast as a swing, and portrayed both Bustopher/ Gus, and Skimbleshanks. He thinks this cast did a wonderful job, and the show brings back a lot of fond memories.

Bruce Wayne- It’s not that Bruce likes it or hates it, he’s just very confused, and does not understand what is going on. He’s happy that most of the kids seem to be having a good time.

Selina Kyle- If you can look me in the eyes, and tell me that Selina Kyle isn’t the biggest fan of CATS to ever live on this green earth, I don’t think we can be friends.

[cherubchoirs]

as a fellow cyrus enjoyer, I couldn't have put why I believe he's an interesting character into better words than you have??? thank god someone can explain it. what are your thoughts on pokemon special's approach on his character and possibilities of healing, if you've read it?

omgggg thank you so much!! i always get nervous posting my ideas and that goes especially for new characters i've found, so it makes me really happy to hear i'm at least resonating with some of his other fans!!

as for pokespe, i have read the dppt arc!! i actually want to reread it soon now that i've really fallen completely into a ditch for cyrus, but i personally seriously enjoyed it. what stood out to me in his characterization was the amount of passion and dedication he had to his cause and, frankly, to his interests. his engrossment in his plans doesn't come off quite as gloomy as it does in game (although it's just as self-important) and he seems more enraptured by his world of salvation. like he very much acts as though he's on the verge of finally dispelling all of his pain and tbh it makes him a little quirky which i found pretty endearing ;o; and while it's a bit hard to articulate, cyrus in pokespe feels like someone who has absolutely no thoughts outside of what he's doing to the point of not being able to see anything as outside of that framework. one of my favorite scenes was his confrontation with cynthia because i think it pretty starkly showcases this facet of his character - he's excited to be pelted by draco meteor because, well....meteors are from space! and since i see cyrus as being both single-minded to the point of folly and quite unconventional in his thought process, i really enjoyed how his reaction was written.

and then ohhhh my god mt coronet and the distortion world. i basically adopted the mt coronet scene for my own personal canon because that underlines how deep into this i truly believe he is. he is being torn apart and he's bleeding out of his eyes but he keeps. pushing. he doesn't let go. he doesn't falter. he doesn't let whatever pain he's in even register because this is what it means to rend an entire universe. all that strangeness melts away to reveal his core, a desperate man suffering so much that he would go so far, that his single-mindedness is woven deep into the very fabric of him, that it is him at this point. this plan is what he's become and the way he views the world is so ingrained into his being, how wretched it is wracks every part of him to the point clawing apart a universe. and like they didn't HAVE to do that but i thank them for it!!!

and then???? he gets to have a healing arc????? this choice is a really important one to me because i think it solidifies that cyrus isn't, at his heart, a bad person whatsoever. it shows that his expressed motivations are actually true, that recreating the world isn't just a vanity project to him but is sincerely a way to rid it of pain. he truly believed the spirit was lacking, that everyone being so incomplete led to violence and suffering, and so his obsession in finding a solution for everyone was more than justified. but he also isn't so far gone that he's no longer open to alternatives - he sees the protagonists join together in their cause to create completion, to make a single full spirit out of many, and it clicks for him. and it's just so interesting to make a character this deeply invested in his agonizing work be able to see the other side….and accept it without fighting against it.

returning to his backstory, cyrus had difficulty connecting with others and others, in turn, didn't try to connect with him. he was a child left alone with only machines to relate to, he became othered and placed outside of the world, and so he couldn't see humans as anything but incomplete because all he knew was loneliness. and he had to believe that's how it was, that bonds were superficial and ephemeral things because his isolation was so complete he had nothing else to go on. however, he recognized what the protagonists had done and he incorporated it into his worldview in his time spent in the distortion world. people can be completed together and those bonds are their bridges. and he's grateful. he's not angry. he's not bitter. he spent a life alone, believing relationships mean nothing and can only lead to ruin, yet he sees it, he reasons it out, and...he's grateful that his mind was changed and that he could see them be better. that's so neat to me!! and it speaks to something very unique about cyrus's character...his plans and perspective had become him but here he moves on because he's proven wrong. so much so that he agrees to help the protagonists in the end and his heart opens to make shaymin bloom. it's genuinely such a deserved ending for him that i almost cried over it like the baby i am!!! but cyrus is just one of those villains that is so obviously doing what he does out of pain and a genuine (albeit deeply misguided) attempt to help that it feels good to see him get a happy ending. and i love that he takes responsibility for the commanders too....it's just all so satisfying to me!! i love pokespe cyrus and i hope he's very happy for always ;o;

[agoddamn]

Genuine question, Anakin and Padmes relationship was never meant to be portrayed as healthy right?

Given that the whole thing ends with him choking her, I really don't think so.

I've never been able to get my head around the fandom embrace of their relationship (ie all the desires for them to reconcile as Force ghosts or "good ends" and such) because they always seemed like a very visible, on-purpose disaster of a relationship.

The instant marriage? The secrecy? The control? The self-righteousness? The violence? I don't understand how everyone read that as a healthy relationship. There's a quote from Pablo Hidalgo about how even in AotC, Anakin thinks of her like an object--"your presence is soothing to me", not "I'm happy to be with you" (source; there's a bit in the comments there that I also agree with, that they did have a genuine connection but weren't mature enough to handle it).

Relationships can be something significant to you, something you're deeply invested in--and still be terrible for you. Someone doesn't have to be beating you with a bat for a relationship to be bad for you.

Even before falling, Anakin forces Padme to compromise herself to hide his slaughter. Even before falling, Anakin is demeaning and dismissive of her ideals. Even before falling, Anakin is manipulative and controlling of her attention (TCW).

And he tries to kill her the second she inconveniences him by not being a doll.

Even in a universe where Palpatine got eaten by the Zillo Beast, that relationship was bound to detonate and you can't convince me otherwise. Maybe they could have salvaged a friendship for the sake of the kids, if they still got born, but no way can I picture them in a house with a picket fence. They're both deeply ambitious and Anakin's critical flaw is that he can't accept NOT having everything. That's always gonna become a critical problem.

Something funny--I've heard people say that Anakin looks at her so lovingly when she tells him she's pregnant in ROTS, but I saw that movie at 12 midnight at release and I thought that emotion was horror. He looks completely shaken by the idea of tangible consequences before he scrapes a false smile back on.

IIRC even the novelization says he's happy in that scene so this is just my personal (in?)ability to read faces here, but I could never understand why people thought they were such a good couple when Anakin's immediate reactions were to be disgusted and then start shutting Padme out instead of committing himself to her and taking responsibility. He never even addresses the whole "Jedi don't marry" thing in ROTS! All his agony is about the nightmares!

Nowhere was he like "alright, time to own up to my choices and do what's best for my family. I should start talking to Obi-Wan about what my options are". He keeps on operating in a dream world where consequences don't exist and Padme's personal needs aren't relevant to him.

[keltonwrites]

Where no one knows your name

How many times is a person meant to make new friends? When I moved into an apartment in DC with an absolutely iconic girl from Craigslist, I wrote in my journal, “you never know when you’ll meet your next bridesmaid.” Charmingly juvenile, as I was 24 years old. Ironic, as I never had any bridesmaids. And embarrassing, knowing I wrote something that’s surely been embroidered on a bachelorette party t-shirt by now. My point was: you can meet people you fall in love with anywhere, anytime, assuming your heart (and calendar) are open. Now my heart and calendar are open and I am one of Elizabeth Bennet’s sad sisters, cloying and desperate for attention while everyone at the ball ignores me. Meeting people here is unnerving and hapless and eye-clawingly vulnerable. My first new friend told me she was moving away in a few months. Do you invest deeply in hopes of another faraway friendship? Do you just go back to waving as you pass on the street? I like this girl! What an embarrassing thing to have to say to someone! Do you just invite people to every and anything like a lunatic? I can’t even remember to call the people I am forever-and-ever in cahoots with. I’m also deeply bound by what I’ll call the Movie Trap: say it’s 3pm during not-a-pandemic, and you get the urge to see a movie. You look at the showings, and there’s one you really want to see at 7:15. You think to yourself, “I should make an effort,” and you text a friend. “Hey, you wanna go see This Cool Movie at 7:15 tonight?” No one ever says yes. Don’t give me an example of when someone has, because it’s always one of these answers:

“Oooh, I’m actually seeing it with Kate tomorrow - wanna come?”

“Can we go to the 9pm showing? Stuck at work.”

“Yeah but let’s see Movie You’ll Fucking Hate instead.”

Now maybe I’m just lighting flares guiding you to the worst parts of my personality, but this drives me nuts. No, Liz, I don’t want to go tomorrow. I want to go tonight. At 7:15. So I can be in bed by 10. And you’d have to drag my dead body and prop open my eyes to get me to see something like Marriage Story in theaters. The Movie Trap is a big reason I usually hang out by myself, or I make plans weeks in advance. (Don't I sound like a blast.) Just the idea of being like, “I like you! Wanna hang out in October?” makes me want to collapse into a puddle of sad adulthood. Which is why on Friday at 4:30pm, when a girl I’d met a week prior asked if I wanted to grab a drink, I just said yes. I put on a pretty dress, did my makeup, put stuff in a purse, and drove the 25 minutes to town. It was really fun! And how novel to have new contacts in my phone like “Maggie blue house” and “Jess concert friend” — a throwback to the days of “Greg guy on L train” and “Devon ad party.” The very concept of not knowing someone’s last name or even needing it, and a year from now updating their contact info and smiling at your origin story. But for the most part, no one is in our phones. In terms of phone numbers collected, here is the list:

Two friends we knew prior who thank god you guys exist.

New friend who is moving away.

New friend who is game to drink tequila and ride mountain bikes.

Neighbor-not-yet-friend who I really fucking like and am not sure how to cross hang-out threshold with.

​Not to say there aren’t any other prospects or people I’m platonically gaga over, but I don’t have their phone numbers. There are honestly a lot of people like this because when you live in a small town (and you’re from the Midwest) you say “oop, sorry” to every person/object you bump into, and you say “hi :)” to every person you see. These are the rules. If I drive by you and don’t wave, it’s because I was so deep in a daydream I probably shouldn’t have been driving in the first place. This isn’t acceptable, because in our urgency to tattoo our vaccination status on our foreheads so we can make friends, it turns out just driving by someone can be a viable strategy. A few days ago, a man was driving by our kitchen window and then our driveway, and then he reversed back up to the kitchen window and started waving. Ben went outside — it was that kind of wave. The man had seen from his car a smokejumper emblem on the back of a truck in our driveway. “Hey, are you a smokejumper?” We aren’t. But my dad was, and he was in town visiting, accompanied by the emblem on the back of his truck. The guy said we should drink sometime. Numbers were not exchanged. We’ll call that a node, because it’s not quite a connection. And it’s mainly nodes, waiting to be connected, to have relevance. But first, no matter who you’re trying to befriend, you have to answer everyone else’s Do I Care Quiz. The quiz is employed by 93% of locals to determine how they feel about you existing within their personal 50-mile radius. The first question is non negotiable:

1) Are you visiting?

Variations on this question include “how long are you in town?” or “what brings y’all to town?” or my least favorite and most insulting, “did you just finish Jeeping?” I know I have blonde hair and say y’all, but how dare you. (Also, to be clear, you can own a Jeep, customize your Jeep, mod out your Jeep, and love your Jeep, but you’re not Jeeping until you drive too fast through a tiny town so you can hurl your Jeep over a mountain pass without ever getting out of it.) So the answer to “are you visiting” is “no, I live here.” Which brings us to the next question, my favorite for how loaded the gun, kneeling in the grass, scope on, target locked it is.

2) Are you part-time or full-time?

The first time I answered this question, I didn’t realize it was essentially like asking how someone voted in the 2020 election. The judgment was cocked and ready and the palpable relief/joy/or at the very least, tolerance, exuded by answering “full-time” was like when the sun comes out from behind the clouds on a 40 degree day. I was fine, but wow that does feel better. The third question though does not have a standard hoped-for answer. This is where nodes turn to connections turn to phone numbers.

3) What brings you here?

It seems like the best possible answer would be saying you work in town, and you’re going to begin construction on displaced-worker housing to ensure the people who run this town can actually live in it. We’d have everyone’s phone number. Saying you’re a writer who works remotely and bought a house from a legendary and beloved local who could no longer afford it is really something you keep to yourself. But in the interest of making friends, I just word vomit my entire history. We might as well find out at the onset if I make your eyes roll back into your skull. Not at all threatening that all it takes is a single social signal misinterpreted to be the absolute death knell of my ability to make friends in a town of some 1400 adults. In fact, I’ll share one such interaction. I was hiking with Cooper, about 5 miles by foot away from my house. I was on a trail, crossing a sloped meadow, and a group was traversing up the hillside to the trail. I said hi, where y’all coming from. One girl answered and we talked about the trail. She eyed me up and down. “Did you just move here?” “I did!” “I served your family last week,” she said. “Oh,” that phrasing. “Must have been my in-laws.” “Heard you bought Jack’s house. Such a bummer when locals like that are forced out.” “We didn’t even know about his house,” I said. “We were looking at another house and he asked his realtor if he could get us to come see his house. We just loved it, and him!” She had no emotional reaction to this. “You moved from California?” she asked. (Dangerous question.) “Yeah, got these sea level lungs, haha,” attempting to disarm with humor was a failure, “but couldn’t be happier to be out of California.” “It’s not like this all year. Winter’s really hard here, you’re in for a rude awakening.” “Well California’s the last place I lived, but I’m not from there. I’ve lived in brutal winters. At least Colorado gets sun!” I laugh with cloaked loathing. “It’s different when you live at altitude,” she said, like no human aside from her had ever been literally anywhere. “Are you trying to go around?” She indicated the path behind her. “No, y’all go ahead, just gonna wait to give you your space. I’m sure you’re faster than me.” “K, good luck making it to the lake." Maybe she was thirsty. Maybe she was hungover. Maybe she just has vicious delivery, but it felt like every blade of grass was leaning against the wind to listen. She was with four other people and not one of them said a word. I left that interaction not wanting to see another human ever again. But that interaction, and her intimate knowledge of exactly which house I lived in, made me want to decorate like we lived in a gingerbread house, all candy canes and plum drops, screaming to any passerby that we’re friendly. One of the mayor’s first questions to me was “what are you going to do to the house?” There are rules here about what your house can look like, and I kept emphasizing we bought the house because we loved it, not because we wanted to change everything about it. And now, instead of wanting to decorate the interior, I want to put up shades so we don’t contribute to light pollution, I want to hang a sign by the water spigot saying “grab some if you need” for hikers and mountain bikers, I want to paint a sign for the wild mint by our door that says, “I mint to tell you to take some,” because our neighbors were openly panicked they wouldn’t be able to just grab mint from the cabin’s garden anymore. Without question, COVID makes things harder. Dinner parties feel like dares. Dropping cookies off at someone’s house feels invasive. Grabbing a drink feels like the ultimate sign of trust. But at least we have nodes who can connect who can think to invite us and who can see that despite having lived in California, we’re not all that bad. In the meantime, I’ll be painting signs about water and mint, hoping to garner the benefit of the doubt from the so beautifully, earnestly, and waiting-to-see-if-you’re-worth-it doubtful.

Subscribe to the newsletter at tinyletter.com/keltonwrites — high altitude relocation and renovation in a tiny mountain town.

[hypnomicimagines]

For the Valentine's request could I please have C, O, and V for Jinguji Jakurai please ❤️

Jinguji Jakurai: 

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Jakurai simply listened. Sometimes a person doesn’t want advice but simply a person to vent their worries to, unjudged, just letting any negative thoughts out into the universe so they no longer sit heavy on their chest. He nodded along, hand on yours, letting you know your feelings were valid and that he hoped saying them out loud had helped lighten the burden on your shoulders. If you want his advice he’ll give it to you honestly but he doesn’t mind just ebbing a sounding board, even if he will speak up regardless if you’re hurting yourself in a way he knows he can help you with.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Jakurai is careful around you when he’s in love, a master of disguise, hiding his feelings just below the surface so no one could pinpoint them exactly. But the eyes are the window to the soul and the one part of him that Jakurai cannot hide (perhaps he should invest in a stylish pair of sunglasses). The way he looks at you is filled with such unbridled fondness that you’d have to be blind not to see how deeply in love with you he was but there’s something so stunning about Jakurai that every time you look at him, all you can do is pay attention to how ethereal he truly was. His distraction tactic, though unintentional, worked perfectly in his favor as you’d continue to be unaware until he was ready to openly admit how he felt.

It takes some careful observation from those who love and know him best to fully understand the meaning behind his looks, but once you know it’s near impossible to miss. Jakurai is embarrassed but also would never deny your importance to him though he tried to ignore the severity of his feelings for you, knowing that as much as he wanted to be with you there was still a brick wall built around his heart acting as an obstacle on the path to officially dating you. He trusted his friends not to out his feelings, even Hifumi who seemed infatuated with the idea that the good doctor was in love with someone, knowing that deep down they understood why Jakurai didn’t act on what his heart truly wanted. 

Jakurai’s feelings for you are made apparent in the little things he does for you, checking in even when he’s had a twenty hour work day, coming to visit you at your own place of work despite being bone tired, etc. You tell him to take care of himself and he assures you that he is but there’s something refreshing about getting to see you after working hard all day (and night). It might take a long time before you get to hear those three little words straight from the man himself but the way he takes care of you and helps you in your daily life shows how much Jakurai truly loved you. 

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

You are, above all else, a beloved friend who meant a great deal to Jakurai. True friendship is something that felt few and far in-between thus he was unwilling to lose you so easily. You fit perfectly amongst the interesting company he normally found himself in and he would protect you with his life, never allowing you to come into danger just because of your connection with him. He wants nothing more than to see you happy and would do so at the expense of his own feelings, wondering at times if he would be able to ignore this ache in his heart forever. 

[pennylaneforthoughts]

Lokius Hogwarts AU

All right my dudes, hot take time:

I’ve seen a lot of Hogwarts AU headcanons floating around, and having thought waaaaaay too much about it, I’m here to add my two cents.

( @sortinghatchats has my favorite sorting system I’ve seen to date, since it goes so much in depth into themes throughout the HP series that good ol’ JK barely touches on in her pretty surface level commentary on the subject, so that’s the system I’m gonna use. Go to their blog to learn more about the way the system works bc I’m too lazy to go more in depth than I already have.)

This is gonna be Hella Long tho so I’m putting it under a cut.

Loki: Petrified Slytherin Primary/Slytherin Secondary - sorting: Slytherin House

Perhaps it may seem trite, but Loki really is a Slytherin Primary at heart. Yes he is ambitious and all that stereotypical stuff, but that’s not really what makes a Slytherin a Slytherin. Anyone can be ambitious. No, he’s a Slytherin because he unapologetically prioritizes himself and the people he cares about above all else. 

“Slytherin Primaries are fiercely loyal to the people they care for most. Slytherin is the place where “you’ll make your real friends”– they prioritize individual loyalties and find their moral core in protecting and caring for the people they are closest to. Slytherin’s reputation for ambition comes from the visibility of this promotion of the self and their important people– ambition is something you can find in all four Houses; Slytherin’s is just the one that looks most obviously selfish.”

However, Loki’s trauma has pushed him to something this system calls Petrifying.

“Whether through death, betrayal, abandonment (from either side), or through never having had any to begin with, the Petrified Slytherin has decided that having important people is too dangerous. Having those strong ties leaves you open to pain and weakness, and the pleasure of those connections aren’t worth the despair that comes from their seemingly inevitable loss. In this way, they close themselves off to meaningful connections out of what is ultimately fear (though from the inside, it’s far more likely to be experienced as a rational, sensible decision given the circumstances of the world), and gives them a stony exterior that seems impenetrable, resolute, and cold.” 

Loki wants love and acceptance so badly, but he is convinced that the kind of attachments and relationships that that comes from are far too dangerous and the risk isn’t worth the reward. He pushes people away, hides behind a mask of self-aggrandizement, and betrays others before they can betray him in an attempt to protect himself from potential pain.

In the series, however, we see him slowly unpetrify and move towards a more healthy style of attachment because of Mobius and Sylvie’s influence on him. Whereas his circle of priorities used to include only himself (and arguably Frigga and later, Thor, in the movie timeline), he proverbially “thaws” enough to let Mobius and Sylvie in, and tragically, because of that, the loss of them hurts him so deeply because by the end of season 1, they’re all he had.

His Slytherin Secondary, however, is obvious in his methodology. He’s the god of chaos. He loves improvisation, and plans only exist as long as another better idea doesn’t come along and usurp it. He’ll change and adapt (quite literally) to best fit the situation in front of him, and he takes joy in that. But beneath all the running and his many personas, he has his “neutral state” that he lets only a precious few see. Mobius gets to see it, and so does Sylvie, and as he progresses through the series, he starts to be more comfortable existing in that state where he’s no longer hiding behind everything he feels like the world expects him to be and he can just be himself. 

Mobius: Slytherin Primary (Hufflepuff Model)/Hufflepuff Secondary - sorting: Slytherin House

People like to put Mobius in Hufflepuff, but honestly? I don’t think that’s where he’d be most comfortable. Yes, he is kind and caring to basically everyone, and we see this over and over again in the series. The man radiates comfort. However, like it says in Inky and Kat’s description of the Slytherin Primary, 

“Wanting to help someone doesn’t mean you’re loyal to them. Wanting to help them at the expense of your comforts, your values, your commitments and sometimes even yourself–that does.”

Mobius is kind to a fault. But he is not kind at the expense of himself. Not to everyone at least. He is kind to the child in France, but he is not kind to the point of saving him from the resetting of the timeline, and he doesn’t feel guilty about that. He believes in a duty of care, but he does not believe he has any obligation to go beyond what he thinks that duty of care is. He unapologetically plays favorites, and this is mentioned on multiple occasions. Above all else, Mobius values loyalty as a virtue. Sure, he cares about the TVA and its accompanying morality, and he genuinely does believe it’s his duty to care about and be kind to others. He seems to vibe quite well with the Hufflepuff ideal of caring about people simply because they are people, but this is all secondary to his personal loyalties when push comes to shove. For Mobius,

“dropping that model in order to stand by someone you love, or in order to protect yourself, doesn’t feel like a failing. Sticking to that modelled morality at the expense of betraying or abandoning one of their own would make a Slytherin feel guilty and wrong. Being able to put the things and concepts you like aside for the sake of the people who need you feels more righteous than any moral posturing.”

It’s for this very reason that Mobius gets so angry and feels so betrayed when he thinks Loki has abandoned him for Sylvie, and when Ravonna lies to him and prunes him.

“Betraying your own is the worst kind of crime. Loyalty is precious and terrible; it makes you vulnerable. It’s given sparingly, deeply, and a Slytherin will stand by their loyalties through the same death and fire that a Gryffindor would brave for the sake of doing the right thing, or a Hufflepuff to help someone in need.”

Loki is Mobius’ own. Mobius prioritizes Loki over almost everything else, sticks his neck out for him over and over again, and is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for him. He’s even willing to abandon the whole of his former ideology and prior friendships for this relationship that has become closer to him than his own self, the highest tier of trust and loyalty a Slytherin can give.

“It’s an extreme Slytherin who would let the whole world burn for the sake of a friend, but every Slytherin Primary would be at the very least tempted.”

And Mobius very nearly does exactly that. Even says the words, “burn it to the ground” when Loki asks him what he’s going to do. And he doesn’t feel bad about it. Especially after realizing what the TVA has done to him and the people he cares about. He kicks the TVA out of his circle of care, and doesn’t look back. And he does it for Loki.

Mobius’ Secondary is where people get his Hufflepuff vibes from, I think. A Hufflepuff secondary is marked by “their consistency and the integrity of their method. They’re our hard workers. They build habits and systems for themselves and accomplish things by keeping at them. They have a steadiness that can make them the lynchpin (though not usually the leader) of a community.” And that is what Mobius is. It’s why he radiates that kindness and comfort. He quietly and carefully works at and invests in the relationships in his life to the point that people almost automatically trust him, and over time he has learned how to read people and figure out what makes them tick. 

He approaches new situations with a steady head and gentle hand that Loki is unused to, and it’s this approach that eases Loki into learning how to trust and rely on people. It’s an inherently Hufflepuff approach, and it’s the key to his success as an analyst for the TVA and an understanding friend for Lokis across the timelines.

Tl;dr - Application to an actual Hogwarts AU fic:

THEREFORE! There’s a compelling narrative to be had with a tiny, first-year Loki coming into Hogwarts. He comes from a pureblood family that’s very proud of their Gryffindor heritage (they don’t talk about Hela, and Loki and Thor don’t even know she exists until later in this story), and his brother had been sorted into Gryffindor a couple years prior, and Loki has heard very little other than contempt for Slytherin House and everyone in it. Loki doesn’t want to be sorted into Slytherin. He doesn’t want to deal with the disappointment and shame from his father and the sad eyes of his brother. But the sorting hat sorts him there almost immediately, and his heart sinks. He wanders over to the table miserably but determined. If he’s gonna be sorted into the “evil” house, might as well just run with it, right? Best not to get close to people though. It’s Slytherin. Who knows when someone will betray you.

Enter Mobius, the tiny muggleborn, bright eyed, bushy tailed, and having no clue about the prejudices between houses. The hat takes a hot minute sorting him, giving him the choice between Hufflepuff and Slytherin and telling him Hufflepuff would love a kindhearted and welcoming member like him. But Mobius has been eyeing the little black-haired kid who got sorted before him and is now sitting far apart from everyone, and he can’t help but feel like he needs to be this kid’s friend. And didn’t the hat just say Slytherin is where you’ll make your real friends? Friends are what Mobius cares about, so he’d like to go to Slytherin, thank you very much, so that’s where he goes, and he happily plunks himself down right next to Loki and sticks his hand out.

“I’m Mobius. What’s your name?”

 Loki looks at Mobius’ hand disdainfully and doesn’t shake it, but he does answer, “Loki.”

Mobius’ eyes go wide, and he smiles. “Loki? Like after the Norse god?”

Loki nods, eyeing Mobius suspiciously. People don’t often bat an eye at his name. Not in the wizarding world, anyway.

“Wow, that’s so cool! I loved reading about Norse mythology in school and Loki was always my favorite. Names have power, you know. If you’ve got the same name, then you must be just as awesome.”

Loki has no idea what to do with this kid, but he’s immediately aware of two things:

He’s absolutely sure that this Mobius kid is in the wrong house. No way a Slytherin can be this excited without a single hint of deception in his face.

He’s going to be eaten alive by the other students if Loki doesn’t protect him. What a pain.

Loki is completely wrong on both of these points.

[falsespring]

acorn, azalea, cattail, daffodil, geranium, kennedia, marigold, quince >:) payback

Acorn: What would your character do if they lived forever?

this is literally quite possibly the worst case scenario for dazai

this would be the equivalent of unending torment. i really think if he lived forever in the sense he was ageless he would absolutely try a hundred times more than he already does to die. if it was a situation where he could not die no matter what, i think he would really recede from society more than he already does? he'd waste away. dazai is only a hedonist in theory, and immortality would effectively be the last straw for him

Azalea: Who does your character wish would take better care of themselves?

he can list a few off the top of his head, but atsushi and kunikida are definitely two of them. he's protective of atsushi for a number of different, complicated reasons, but he's also just learned that kunikida is an insomniac on comparable levels as him and that definitely baffled him. how the hell is someone else living like he does. why

Cattail: Is your character at peace with themself? Why or why not?

this is more of a complicated question for dazai than i think it might initially appear. dazai is someone who simultaneously has relatively little shame over many of his actions while also being so unwaveringly sick of himself that it's a wonder he's able to get anything done. for the majority of his life, dazai has had next to no grasp on any kind of sense of self - it's exceedingly difficult to be at peace with yourself if you have no idea who that self is. he has no strong morals, no significant goals in life other than the immediate obvious, and his reason for living is so nebulous that it's primarily invested in people other than himself

i think it's a little of column a and a little of column b. he is at peace with the type of person he is because he puts so little stock in right and wrong, and the things he does don't tend to keep him up at night. other aspects of his self, absolutely not at peace with. immense inner turmoil about a lot of things there

Daffodil: Has your character ever had unrequited love for someone? Have they ever loved someone but held it in for any reason?

i think dazai has had some very complicated feelings for a number of different people that he's encountered and as a result of how alienated he feels from people in general he's made exceptionally little attempt to actively connect with them

it's practically canon that no one has practically any understanding of who dazai is and how he thinks and experiences things, even when it's so exceedingly subtle how he holds people at arms' length. the only person who ever got truly deeply close to understanding dazai was oda, and i think there was definitely some kind of love there for him, but even oda acknowledged that he never tried to cross the threshold to get closer to dazai

Geranium: What’s one mistake your character remembers making?

he has many, but i think a big one was everything surrounding oda's death! he will remember that forever!

Kennedia: One thing your character admires in someone.

for as much as it seems like he ridiculed kunikida for his idealistic perspective on life, i think he equally (and maybe even more so) admires the fact that kunikida can have so much conviction in his life. such a strong sense of justice and care for others is something he lacks, and being in adjacent proximity to it can sometimes feel quite nice!

Marigold: Describe a time or reason your character felt jealousy.

dazai is jealous of people who can have seemingly significant flaws and still manage to make and maintain meaningful connections with people. he is definitely normal about this and has never gotten mildly territorial over people in his life

Quince: One temptation your character has had.

he has no desire to return to the mafia whatsoever but sometimes the whole "trying to be a better person" thing gets so exhaustive for him that he just about says fuck it. it's happened a lot, and he gets fairly close often, but he's still trying!

[karenwilson]

Buck and his romantic relationships

Honestly there is so much to dig into when it comes to Buck and his romantic relationships. There are some constants that can be found in nearly all of his relationships and some things that are constantly changing and evolving.

One think that strikes me about the women he has dated were strong and independent or arrived there at the end. Abby, Ali, Taylor, even Veronica they all stood their ground and were their own champions. They put their needs and mental & physical well-being first, something that society always expects women not to do. It's something I actually really appreciate about their storylines even if it comes with Buck being unhappy. None of the women set out to hurt him, they just didn't want to put themselves second. And that is perfectly okay.

But let's dive deeper into each of his relationships. Bear with me, it's a long one.

Abby Clark

Abby was his first serious relationship and now we know why. Due to his upbringing and his parents' abusive behaviour he never really forged any important relationships apart from Maddie. I think it got even worse when he got the jeep as he skipped from place to place, never staying for long anywhere. He didn't have ties anywhere and that made him restless and only seek out sex to forge some intimacy because that was all he thought he could get and something that would hurt him the least.

Anyway with Abby he was able to connect with a woman (one he wasn't working with anyway) on a deeper level. It only worked because it didn't start out as something physical. He didn't know what she looked, only knew her voice and good heart. I doubt they even would've met had it not been for the 911 calls, because they have so little in common.

Buck is actually pretty self-aware when it comes to his behaviour around women but hasn't really faced it before. That's why he tells her that he thinks it isn't a good idea if they meet, because he's worried he'll revert back to his usual coping strategies and it'll end up with him losing their connection.

But we also see that he's inexperienced and that although he knows how to seduce women he's lacking self-confidence in other aspects. He doesn't know unconditional love apart from Maddie and even that trust was broken when she didn't leave with him, when she left him behind. So he often worries he'll do something wrong and put her off; he goes over the top to get her attention - which he has done before in his life. Remember, he could only ever get his parents' attention when he did something big and reckless.

Abby has her own shit to deal with and Buck doesn't really know what to do with that in the beginning. It's not the light-hearted, sweet relationship he might have been hoping for but instead serious and heavy. But helped by Bobby's advice he works through his doubts and puts himself out there, puts Abby first. He always puts other people first, because that's who he is (and lbr, it's not healthy). Sadly to his own detriment because he is more invested than she is; Abby has her sick mother to take care of and is drawn in several directions at once. That's a heavy burden for anyone, especially someone working fulltime. She doesn't want to put her mother in a home as it wouldn't feel right but I also think it comes from a place of societal pressure for women to take care of other people. When her mother dies I actually thought it was a very real and important step for Abby to take put herself first, to take care of her own needs and do something that's vital to her claiming herself again.

I think Buck understands why she has to go but it still leaves him with the impression that he's never good enough, that people always leave. Because that's the experience he's made in life and nothing has changed that for him yet. And I totally get where he is coming from, that he believes it's his fault that she leaves, that he isn't good enough, that she doesn't love him enough. I do believe Abby never felt as deeply for Buck as he did for her but even if she did, sometimes love doesn't fix people. Abby was broken and exhausted and that's something Buck couldn't help with but that doesn't mean he wasn't enough.

She definitely did him dirty by leaving him in the dark and not giving him a clean break when she knew she was ready to move on.

Thanks to Maddie and the 118 he was able to partly work through those issues and put himself out there again.

Ali Martin

To be honest, Buck dating Ali came out of nowhere for me. Yes, they did connect a bit at the beginning of season two but I honestly didn't see her coming back as a love interest for Buck.

(And is it just me or do I just not remember it but Bobby stopped giving Buck relationship advice after Abby???)

But I thought they were really cute when they were together; the show just didn't make a very good job of establishing their relationship. They had to few scenes on the show but that was by design. I think the show never intended to keep Ali around, she was (sadly) just a plot device for the show to propel Buck's development. It established Buck's behaviours and the patterns in his romantic relationships. He years for deeper connections and a serious romantic relationship that he gets in too deep too fast. Buck doesn't do shit halfway, he gives it his all.

With Ali he was able to go the next steps of moving on from Abby, he had someone who made him happy for a while but of course the show had to reassert that people leave Buck, further damaging his self-esteem. I think it's perfectly understandable for her wanting to end their relationship at this point, when remaining in it would cause her too much pain and grief by always being worried about Buck and whether he would come home that night, would still be alive. That's a lot for anyone to deal with. So it was better for her to get out at that point instead of dragging it out and therefore making it more painful for both of them when it eventually ended.

But Buck doesn't view it as her leaving because of the dangers of his job but because of him. So yet another person leaves him because he's not enough, not right. Being a firefighter is important to Buck, he sees it as his calling, something he is good at and feels right. He defines himself by his job and that ends up doing damage, especially after the bombing and his subsequent leg injury. Buck feels lost when he can't do his job anymore because he feels like he IS his job. That's why Maddie telling him he's good enough and is worth everything even without his job was so important. His job is an important part of who he is but he isn't his job.

Taylor Kelly

I think with Taylor we saw the mere-exposure effect. Buck has a bit of a thing for voices as we first saw with Abby. With Taylor he knew her voice, heard her whenever he drove to work and obviously liked what he was hearing. And when he met her during that accident he was attracted to her not just by voice but by her looks as well.

Because of his dating experience with Abby and Ali and generally just trying to be a good person, he doesn't want Taylor to get the wrong idea. He likes her, possibly wants to get to know her more and doesn't want to leave her with the wrong impression. Taylor isn't having any of it, because she knows what she wants and what she wants isn't a relationship with him when they first meet. She's young, confident, successful and takes what she needs.

For Buck he has to cut the cord before he gets in too deep. He knows what he wants now and he doesn't want to fall back into his old habits of having sex and not having a meaningful connection. And if he doesn't get out he might fall too fast too hard already knowing it won't go anywere. Plus Taylor tries to expose secrets about his work family and quasi-dad and that would never work. Even if Buck wants romantic love he's not going to step on his 118 family to get it.

When they meet again more than a year later there are no hard feelings (whether that's amnesia on the writers' part or Buck has come to terms with her behaviour we don't know [yet]). Due to their previous actions Buck seems to think Taylor isn't a human being with feelings and hasn't been changed by the pandemic as well. I love Buck but it's ironic that he didn't want to hurt her in season two but inadvertently does so by using her as a shield in season four without her consent. I don't like what he did at all and Taylor was absolutely right on hanging him out to dry on that "double date" and calling him out on him using her like this, by not telling her what she was about to walk into. From her reaction we know he presented the situation differently because he (rightly) figured she might not come otherwise.

It'll be interesting for me to see where their relationship is going. I'd love for them to become friends and see where it takes them from there.

Veronica

I'm only including her for two reasons: She was Buck's first step to dipping his toe back into the dating pool again and acted as a catalyst to rekindle/change Buck and Taylor's relationship. Plus she also fits the strong woman type Buck goes for (although she additionally has a no-fucks-given attitude and isn't here to coddle anyone and their feelings).

To be honest, looking back on it Buck felt a bit OOC to me during their date. I mean yeah, he's just starting to date again and isn't used to doing it anymore and people change but... He didn't have a problem talking to Ali, Abby, Taylor or any of the women he chatted up with at bars and other places before. Why would he suddenly get so flustered? Even if they started on the wrong foot and he put his foot in his mouth... it just like it was put by the writers there for the laughs and not because it's how Buck would (re)act?? It just feels weird to me now. What did feel real to me was his need to impress her and makes sure she likes him, because Buck needs to be liked and he's really uncomfortable with somone not liking him and not knowing where he stands. He needs to clear the air now, to know what's going on so he can move on. After Abby and being left to doubt himself and being left in the dark about where they stand has left a mark on him (see also him making sure to talk it out with the 118 and especially Eddie after the lawsuit).

Well, that's it for now.