#i have one fic i’m finishing + the childhood fates one + god i need to finish the one where jacks gets so fucking possessed

[chryzuree]

azure & jacks trying to deal w chrysi getting possessed by azure’s dead ex-fiancée. that’s all.

[hectorthedoggo]

Mahiru decides it’s her turn to do the parenting of es (inno verdict au)

THIS IS SO BAD OH MY GOd but if you guys wanna read it i suppose food is food. i am going on hiatus after this one (if all goes well) (I do have ~1.8k of next fugue chapter done but... i don't like it...)

-

start of character study fic that i never finished

When Mahiru was young, she had once found a baby bird in her yard. It had fallen from the nest, and it seemingly had nowhere to go.

It begged, yelled, for anyone to help it. Mahiru had excitedly taken it in, cradling it as gently as possible, finding all sorts of books in the library on how to take care of a baby bird.

As she had grown closer to it, in taking care of it, watching it grow, a new sense of pride came in. And, a new feeling, she would come to know, as posessiveness.

She didn’t hang out with her friends, instead opting to watch it hop around in her little homemade nest.

Eventually, her parents caught on, and explained to her, with slight horror, that she had done something bad.

But, they never explained what about it was bad. They didn’t let her outside often, after that incident.

But, she never learned from the incident.

It always stuck in her head, as she pined through reading romance, of the idea of one true love, one to fawn over until they both died, a love that lasted through trials and tribulations.

As the world threw more and more issues and expectations at her, she decided to latch onto that idea. Just as she had found that bird in her backyard, she believed it was fate.

-

The next time she had met the bird from her childhood was with Ren. He was crying on the school rooftop, and Mahiru took one look at him.

She knew.

So, she softly introduced herself, asking him what was wrong.

The rest was history.

-

He was dead. He was dead. He was dead.

The one she thought would stay with her, forever, gone.

And it might’ve been just because of her.

Yapping yapping

Milgram used to be empty. There used to be nothing, a sense of doubt. The INNOCENT verdict changed everything.

She realized how true her love was. How perfect it was.

Post highlighting ideas

Okay guys so you have heard of overly-paternal Shidou. Now get ready for: overly-maternal Mahiru. (maybe in a fic). I just wanna explain my reasoning for believing in this so that it doesn’t seem sudden IF she gets like this.

Mahiru and Shidou are foils for a reason.

She’s in love with ‘love’, which can be interpreted as a lot. It could be interpreted as romantic, yes, but also platonic.

Yes, her guilty verdict didn’t do good, but imagine what an INNOCENT verdict would do. She would assume her idea of love is correct (it isn’t). (even with the guilty verdict, she kept kinda believing in love. *shivers*)

And, drawing from the bf was already suicidal mentality, that’s a sort of “i can fix him” mentality she took there. Like, finding an injured baby bird, and taking care of it to feel better about herself, despite accidentally ruining its future.

It doesn’t matter if it’s romantic in nature or not; she’s in love with the idea of taking care of sometihng.

That mentality would get WORSE. Because, I’m assuming she used love as a coping mechanism; which, would be expemplified in a stressful environment such as milgram.

I think they all need fixing, but guess who is ALONE. Guess who is young, pathetic, and not coping well with an environment they were forced into.

Guess who’s the equivilant of an injured baby bird. That’s right folks: Es Milgram.

I think it would start with minor things, like checking in with them.

And, they would want the comfort, they would crave it, but insist otherwise. She would figure out their craving, and OH GOOD LORD.

Someone’s not getting their complaints listened to (they don’t know better they don’t know true love_

She would fall deeper and deeper into her mentality of ‘they need my help, it’s so domestic’ ‘i’m useful this way’ ‘this is almost like my purpose’

I actually know someone who’s kinda like this (less intense ofc), but with dogs and children and says it’s kinda like this. So. i have some backing for this mentality.

She would enjoy taking care of them, too much. She would sing them to sleep, she would bring their meals, encourage them to rest, basically be an impromptu mother. (fluff except es is slowly watching their sense of agency and therefore get taken away from them)

But, she would also get a little exhausting to be around, to keep up with. They’re constantly getting their sense of authority undermined, but they’ve also become a little addicted to love

And that’s fitting perfectly into the gender roles she loves, too. She’s def vibing.

Eventually, it would get to be too much, and they would start locking their door unless they have a moment of weakness and open the door for her.

Which, would increase her relentless knocking. Mahiru’s known to be relentless in terms of her love (breakup ritual and shi)

I think eventually, they would give up, and simply let her in, asking her to leave them alone.

T2 she would get a guilty verdict because audience can’t deal with her.

And i think that would make her WORSE, like accidentally guilt-tripping them to why she got a guilty verdict; 

Es would have an emotional attachment to her (accident), and that would make things worse for them. Bc. guilty verdict

idk tho i’ll probably just gonna write some comfort scenes from this au. It would probably be called ‘nestling’ or smth like that :D es would get comfort but at what cost (sickfic cauesd by trying to stay away from Mahiru)

Adding on about traditional family roles; shidou could potentially also participate in this madness. He could end up being the mediator, like the “i agree but maybe leave this kid alone”

Meanwhile, this whole time, Es is trying to hold onto their sense of identity, they hate being ‘babied’. dumpsterfire

es just wants to be warden please stop adding them to the “new (unhealthy) family 💛🩶🩵” gc

#excuse to write a platonic yandere fic #because i really really wanna do that for like a period of 30 minutes then look back on it like tf why would i write thsi #would i be forgiven if i wrote a fic like that vote now on your phones # but would you guys gen wanna see this

Es weakly coughed, curling up on their bed, trying to ignore everything. Their eyes and nose leaaked, and they were utterly pathetic and fatigued.

There was a knock on their door. “Es? Es, can I come in? Sorry, you’re really worrying me…”

Please. Please, god, just leave me alone.

“Mahiru- please… go away…” Their voice was parched; they hadn’t wanted to go out and get water. Holing myself up seemed like the best solution, but…

“Es? Oh no, sweetie, you really don’t sound good. Are you sure you’re alright?”

Please leave me alone. “Go…”

The rapid knocking resumed. “Es, c’mon. Let me in… I’ll make you your favorite~!”

I’ve never had a favorite. I just needed the food.

Their head shot through with pain, and they let out a little whimper.

She gasped. “Oh no! You’re sick!” No shit, Sherlock. “C’mon, Es, you’re going to have to let me in… sickness can be very bad, if left alone like this! Y’know, just having someone with you can increase healing!”

I bet she read that in a magazine. She is right, though. I do need food, I do need to drink, I definitely need sleep.

I just… can’t. Not with her around. I was just trying to cut her off, to get her away from me. Why isn’t she going? It’s been 2 days, she’s literally slept outside of my room.

“Es?”

This feels like a horror movie. Please.

Another knock.

Something in them broke. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t die here, so I have to be dependent. Honestly, though…

They used the last bits of their strength to open the door, to let her in.

She looked like she had been crying, but immediately scooped their weak self up into her arms. I hate this. Please, let me go.

They didn’t have the voice to say that. It wasn’t as if she’d listen. She ran her hand through their hatless hair. “Wah! Es, I’ll just have to wash this. But I’ll have to feed you, first.”

Get away from me. I could’ve done that myself, it’s just… they shivered. I’m scared of her.

Hey, at least I understand her boyfriend a little more, a beaten up optimism pointed out. My opinion doesn’t matter. With that MV, I’m pretty sure she’s going to get guilty.

It doesn’t matter my opinion on the matter. It would be biased.

She kept cradling them, forgetting about their other basic needs, before they coughed. “Ah right! I’m so scatterbrained. Here, Es. I’ll lay you down, and bring the food to you. I’ll be right back with water, then I’m going to prepare the food!”

They didn’t know what to say. They didn’t know what to think.

She hummed, a stark contrast to the earlier desperation in her voice, as she moved them towards their bed, gently tucking them in.

“Alright, Es. I’ll be right back, don’t you worry!”

As soon as she left, they allowed themself some tears. I really don’t like this. This isn’t who I am. I can’t be doted on like this, I need to be working.

She won’t let me get a word in. I’m not sure what to think around her.

a/n: TOP FIVE ways to let a teen KNOW you LOVE them!!

Check in on them during their every waking hour

This is a sure sign that you love them. Really makes them feel seen!

(if they lock their door (totally by accident)) sleep outside their room for days on end :D

A great way to demonstrate care, and loyalty! Persistence is key!!

Make them lose their sense of identity

Don’t worry, they didn’t need it anyways! They don’t need to be warden!! That’s not important to you, and it shouldn’t continue.

Care for them when they get sick (totally not because they were trying to avoid interactions with you)

Teehee what are you talking about? It must be some outer source of stress!

It’s really fun when they’re dependent!! Cherish that!!

Don’t let them discourage you!

It only matters that you enjoy this love. They might be a little unreceptive, but they’ll warm up to you! It might just take a bit!

^ Make sure to repeat the first 4 steps to assure them you’re not leaving, no matter how hard they try!! They’re just misguided, dw!! :)

[pookieace]

fated to be together

pairing : fem!reader x levi ackerman

contains : DARK CONTENT AHEAD! please read with caution! modern!au, yandere!levi, feels like ooc levi too but it's meant to come across as him having a major soft spot for the reader, small age gap (in my brain levi's around 28 and reader is about 23) one sided pining (?), stalking in a way, non-con, dub-con (i'm tagging both just to be safe), panty sniffing, panty stealing, slight violence (he knocks the reader out but it's not graphic), fingering, oral (f receiving), praise, dumbification, creampie, possessive levi, he's a bit of a creep oopsies? i think that's all but please tell me if i've missed anything!

word count : 10.3k ( i can't believe i wrote this much wtf)

summary : it's a small world, because years later you find yourself becoming neighbours with levi once again, and he finds himself developing feelings for you, believing that fate had something to do with you two meeting once again.

omg okay i put my entire pussy into this fic tbh 😟fhjfkdh something about pervy levi makes me <3 AAAH i'm actually proud of this one not gonna lie. happy bday to levi 🥺 this ones for you my short bf <3 LMAOO anywayssss– this is proofread by me, but no guarantees i fixed everything so yeah, ignore any mistakes! likes / reblogs are appreciated and feedback is always welcomed <3

!! minors & ageless blogs, dni !!

Levi felt like he was going insane. Could he possibly be seeing things? No. He wasn’t that crazy… Was he? Maybe he was going blind– No, that was a stupid thought.

“Levi…? Holy shit–! I haven’t seen you in years!�� The sound of a box hitting the floor makes Levi snap out of his daze, finally being able to focus on the person that was now jogging up to his frozen figure.

Oh my god… It was you. So he wasn’t seeing things, huh?

“____? H-Hey. It’s– Uh yeah, been… A while for sure.” He knows he could make more of an effort to sound excited – But the poor man was just so shocked that you were really there. Right in front of him. Face to face.

You were the younger sister of Levi’s closest friends, Hange. The two of you had grown up in neighbouring houses, seeing each other practically every day since Hange wasn’t capable of leaving Levi alone for more than five minutes. He had moved out of home after he finished university, which was a couple years ago along with your sibling and you hadn’t seen him since. Though the postcards he sent your family during the holiday seasons always made you smile, happy that he remembered you and your parents enough to do that even though he wasn’t entitled to.

“Mhm! Must be like… What? Three or four years?” You trailed off for a moment, trying to think back to the last time you saw Levi, then speaking up just as excited as before once you figured it out. “Three and a half years! How’re you? How’ve you been?”

“Yeah… Yeah I’ve uh, I’ve been good. Living, working, you know. Earning money and all that stuff.”

“Yeah? I’m really glad to hear that! This is sooo weird though–” Your hands flick towards him and then back at yourself, repeating the motion a couple of times to get your point across. “This is so weird. We’re neighbours– Again!”

“Small world, huh?”

“Oh shit– Sorry! You’re all dressed up. You… Must be going to work?”

Levi glances down at his watch and visibly holds back a sigh. He was going to be late. “I was, yeah.” He straightens himself up, pulling down the sleeves of his suit and fixing his tie (even though he really didn’t need to). “Hey, it’s actually really good to see you again. Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone, yeah kid?”

You snort at the nickname he gave you. Immediately it brings back memories from your childhood and you can’t help but smile, giving Levi a wave as he walks off towards the elevator. “I know and I won’t! I’ll see you soon.”

Levi was so thankful he was the only one in the elevator, back hitting the wall and he let out the sigh that he’d been holding back for the last five minutes, finally.

“Holy shit.” He whispers. Only now did it really occur to him that it was really you. It really was a small world, and on top of being late– No thanks to Levi’s stupid alarm clock, he needed a new one really, it had failed him too many times and he could not afford to have his perfect schedule ruined again– He had to now work for eight hours, dealing with god knows how many annoying people while the image of you smiling kept flashing behind his eyes every time he blinked.

This was going to be a long day.

While Levi headed to work, you skipped over to the box you had dropped earlier out of excitement, gasping a little when you remembered there were picture frames in it. “Oh, thank god.” You exhaled with relief once you realised nothing had been broken, mentally scolding yourself for being so hyper and just dropping it out of nowhere.

The first thing you did when you entered your new apartment was open the windows and breathe in the fresh air from the balcony. You’d finally done it, finally moved out into your dream apartment, and now you were able to live your life the way you wanted, like a proper adult.

The silence was interrupted by a rather loud rumbling sound from your tummy. Your hand gave it a little pat as if to calm it down as you glanced at the clock on the wall. 9:04am. You’d been awake for a couple hours due to the excitement of moving into your new place and all you ate earlier was a muffin from the bakery down the street, and you needed some food in your stomach to become a functioning member of society.

Seeing as there was absolutely nothing in your fridge yet, apart from two cans of coke and a bottle of water, ordering food seemed like the easiest way to make yourself happy.

You took a seat on the couch in what will become the living room once you’ve unpacked all your things, waiting for your food to arrive. You let out a soft sigh as your body finally relaxed for the first time that morning. Moving was a fucking pain honestly, and you could not wait for it to all be over and done with.

You let your thoughts wander to your neighbour, Levi Ackerman. It brought a smile to your face. Seeing him again after so many years felt almost strange but somehow very comforting at the same time. Being in a brand new town was scary to say the least, but you could be at peace knowing there was someone here that you knew, someone that you would be able to lean on if things got rough on your own.

And in a split moment, you had an idea.

Rummaging around in your backpack, you found a pen and paper, quickly scribbling down a couple of sentences and walking back out of your place to slide the folded paper under Levi’s door and hoping he’d notice it.

It was just after 8pm when Levi finally got home, slightly scowling because the traffic was unbearable. He could have been home by seven, but no.

“Dumb fuckin’ drivers.” He murmurs under his breath, pulling out his key and unlocking the door to his apartment, The crinkling of paper underneath his shoes caught his attention. Bending down, he picked it up and unfolded it, reading it aloud (a bad habit, he could never read in his brain, the words get “too jumbled together” according to him).

Whenever you’re free from work, dinner at mine? I’ve learnt how to cook now! Come by at 7pm! Don’t be late, otherwise I get hangry… Let me know :) I’m free pretty much any day!

– The “kid” (I’m not a kid anymore by the way, but I’ll still let you call me that since ilu)

Levi smiled softly as he read through the note, eyes squinting as he got to the “ilu”. He did his best, he really did. Using all his brain power he had in that moment (there wasn’t much after a shitty day at work mind you) but it was too late for him to be thinking that hard, and he was not about to decode what that meant, not today anyway. He took off his shoes with the heels of his feet and walked to the kitchen bench, pulled out a pen from his bag, popping the cap open and he jotted down a reply with the neatest handwriting he could muster.

Saturday is my next day off. I’d love to have dinner. Also, my number is below in case you need to contact me. See you around.

– Levi.

Levi slid the paper under your door like you had done before. He would have knocked, but he knew how painful and annoying moving was and assumed you must have been asleep by now.

Eventually, Saturday rolled around after a long week. A long week for Levi, at least.

He stared at himself in the mirror – Black button down with grey pants seemed okay for dinner, right? He shook his head to get his hair into place, deciding it’ll do since he didn’t want to overthink about what outfit to wear, especially after already changing three times before he picked out the one he was wearing now. He didn’t even put this much effort into going on dates, so he wasn’t particularly sure why he was trying to put in so much effort for you…

He cleared his throat before knocking on your door, adjusting and playing around with the rings on his fingers as he waited for you to open up nervously.

“Door’s open!” You yelled, too occupied with dirty hands as you tried handling the melting chocolate in your hands.

Levi let himself in, making sure the door was closed behind him properly. The smell of food immediately hit his nose, making his stomach growl and he was so glad you weren’t beside him right now, that would have been embarrassing.

“Hey! Sorry I didn’t open the door, I uh– Well… Yeah.” You motioned at the mess on the kitchen table and chocolate over your hands with a shy smile.

“”S okay, need any help?” He asks, rolling up his sleeves and going to put away the rings on his fingers, ready to help you but you shook your head.

“You’re the guest tonight. I’ll be fine. Just forgot to put the chocolate in the fridge before I started with dinner so it’s everywhere. But that’s fine! The brownies will still turn out edible.”

He nods back, a smile playing on his lips.

He exhaled quietly as he took a seat on the stools placed on the other side of the kitchen bench.

You’d finally finished mixing the batter together for the brownies, putting them in the oven before going to cut the vegetables for the main meal you’d be having and making sure to clean up the mess on the kitchen counter, remembering how Levi was always a bit of a clean freak. You needed to make a good impression after all.

There was a comfortable silence between the two of you as Levi got lost in his thoughts. You really had grown up in the three or four years Levi hadn’t seen you.

That’s something he couldn’t really wrap his head around. He’d seen you grow up almost, from a kid to a teenager and now, an adult. Seeing you in the kitchen while you cut the carrots for the soup you’d be sharing really made Levi’s brain spin.

Or maybe it was the low cut top– No. No, why was he even looking there? He blinked a couple times, attempting to think about dinner to get the thought of your chest out of his mind. He shouldn’t be looking, it felt wrong. It was wrong. Was it? It was. It had to be. He’d never thought of you like that before… You were Hange’s younger sister… He was practically your older brother in a way, why did he look at your fucking che–

“Levi? Helloooo?” The waving hand in front of his face caught him off guard, almost falling off the stool he was seated on.

“Woah, careful there. You seemed like you were deep in thought.”

“Mm, a little. Just… Just work stuff.” He ran his fingers through his hair, letting it fall back into place and looked back at you. “You were calling my name?”

“Yep! Wanted to ask yay or nay to coriander?” (Cilantro for the American’s, don't bully me ;-;)

“Yay. Obviously. I’m a man of taste.”

“So you are Mr Ackerman, so you are.” And with a nod, you tossed a couple of leafs into the soup and checked up on the rice that was cooking away.

“So, you cook now?” He asks, fingers tapping against the kitchen counter as he tries to make conversation.

“Every so often. Had to learn ‘cause I wanted to move out, you know? Takeout every night doesn’t sound very appealing to me anyway. How come?”

“Just askin’. Remember when you burnt yourself and refused to enter the kitchen for like a week?”

“You remember that–!? That’s embarrassing.”

For the first time in three years, you heard Levi laugh again. It was rare, you remembered that. The man barely smiled, even to your sibling, Hange, Levi would always scowl whenever they gave him a hug or ruffled his hair. Instead, he’d rather show his affection through other ways, little words of affirmation when you really needed them, even going as far as to bring your favourite snacks. But a laugh? You felt lucky, special, to hear that again. “How could I forget? It was hilarious.”

“Glad my childhood suffering is funny to you, Ackerman.”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just–” He stopped, catching his breath for a moment as his hand rested on his chest. “It was cute. You were terrified of the stove like it was the Boogeyman or something. Always asking Hange to cook you nuggets.”

“I was like five–”

“You were ten, actually.”

“Okay, I was ten, but it doesn’t mean I couldn’t be afraid of the stove at ten! That burn reaaaally hurt. Scarred me.”

“At least you learnt not to try to cook by yourself when you couldn’t even reach the stove.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” You poke out your tongue at him, bursting out into laughter when Levi shook his head at your childish antics.

“Been wondering, did you move next to me because Hange mentioned it or, were you stalking me?”

“Stalking, duh.” Levi raises his eyebrows at you, almost like he was wondering if you were lying or not. He was so cute, gullible, which made pranks super fun to pull on him. “Levi– You’re as clueless as ever. It’s purely a coincidence, the rent was good and the block has a really nice view too. Hange didn’t mention you being here. Though if I’m being honest, I don’t even think they remember where your apartment is…”

Levi agrees, mentioning something about how it’s ‘not out of the ordinary for Hange to forget like that’.

It was reassuring the relationship Levi and you had as the both of you were growing up hadn’t changed very much. It was easy to fall back into the routine you two had before. Joking around as you continued to cook, poking fun at each other. The both of you spent dinner and dessert catching up on things, talking about family and personal lives happily, not a dull moment throughout the night.

“Oh, it’s getting late…” You noted, glancing at the time on your phone after Levi let out a small yawn, his nose scrunching up rather cutely. “You’ve had a long week, d’you wanna go and rest?”

“Is that okay? I feel like an old man because I’m yawning at 11:30.” He mumbles, attempting to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes.

“It’s ‘cause you are an old man.” You poke his stomach cheekily, standing up so you can walk him out.

“Barely older than you, kid.”

“Still old.” He gives you his legendary ‘tsk’ and flicks your forehead as gently as he could, smiling softly as you rub the spot with a small pout and call him a meanie.

“Thank you, for coming over for dinner and like, helping calm my nerves about this place, I guess? It’s a little scary being here alone, but the fact you’re here gives me… Warmth? It’s comforting. Your presence, it’s comforting.”

There was a silence between the both of you after what you had said. Panic surges through you and you look down at the ground, thinking you’d made him uncomfortable by being so open with your feelings and you quickly try to redeem yourself somehow.

“I-I’m sorry, that… That was so weird and uncalled for, fuck. I’m sor–”

Levi cuts you off by placing a hand on your shoulder gently. “It’s not weird, I just didn’t know what to say.” He starts, tilting your chin upwards so he can look at your face. You’re welcomed with a smile, and it feels like the worry from before suddenly melted. “I’m glad. I’m glad that you feel comforted by me. If you ever need anything, I’m a door across yeah? You’ve got my number too.”

A couple of months pass and the two of you grow closer than you were before. Sometimes you would miss Levi before he heads to work. You’d learnt he wakes up at the ridiculous time of 6am, apparently he needs to keep in shape (even though he looks incredible already) and takes advantage of the building's gym on the lower floors.

You however, were not an early morning person, choosing to roll out of bed anytime after 10am. But the more you got to know Levi, the more of an effort you made to wake up a little earlier some days. Packing him a little lunchbox with a sandwich with a homemade muffin for his break so he’s not constantly buying from the overpriced cafe shop near the museum where he works.

He finds comfort in you too. Finding it comforting how you’re still the same person he knew. Always checking up on him and making sure he eats. Making him roll his eyes over the dumbest things you think of because you have no filter. The two of you get along so well after all these years and it makes Levi’s heart swell.

But Levi has a problem.

You’re not the little kid he knew from before, even though… You are?

You’re now grown up. An adult. Someone he can harbour feelings for– Actually. Someone he is harbouring feelings for.

Every passing day, your presence alone makes him feel things. Makes his heart thump a little louder in his chest, so loud it’s almost deafening. Even something as small as a smile, makes his brain all hazy. A gentle touch to his body, whether it’s a poke to his cheek or you playfully hitting his arm makes him want to kiss you.

It’s almost pathetic. He hasn’t felt this way in so long… So many years in fact, it’s a foreign feeling, but something he isn’t opposed to.

It almost feels… Illegal. Illegal for him to be thinking about you this way. But he just can’t help it. It’s perverted. The way he keeps looking at your chest regardless of what kind of shirt you’re wearing, is perverted. They look so soft, and all Levi wants to do is grab them, hold them in his palms while you sit on his lap, maybe even slide your top down just enough to expose them, enough to sink his teeth into the flesh and mark you up as his. Wanting to fuck them, coat them in a layer of his cum after leaving red hues all over them.

When did this perverted idea manifest in his brain?

When you hugged him as a thank you for bringing your favourite burrito on his way home from work last night. It seemed innocent enough, and it was. It was so innocent, nothing more than a way to say your thanks for going out of his way to get you something. It was innocent, until Levi got hyper aware and felt your hardened nipples press against his chest over his thin dress shirt.

He finds himself lying in bed the next day. Though the sun was shining in, he did not have the mentality to get up and go do his daily workout session for the morning because he’s fucking hard. Cock strained against his boxers as Levi let out a sigh, ruffling his hair. Maybe if he ignores it…

That’s stupid. He knows it won’t just go away like that. Not when his mind is already so plagued with thoughts about you. With thoughts about your soft breasts, and how hard your nipples were.

Levi turns his head, taking a look at the barely working alarm clock and groans.

7:43am.

He needed to be at work in a little over an hour. Fuck. Levi grew more and more annoyed as he continued to lay there. Barely twenty minutes to get himself off… That was hardly enough time. He overthinks, needs to take his time, paint a clear image of what or who he’s touching himself to, he needs at least thirty minutes to be satisfied properly, but he doesn’t have that luxury. Not today, and that pisses him off more than he’d like to admit. He hates rushing.

“Ah, fuck.” Levi lets out a defeated sigh, and without wasting any more time he slides his boxers down just enough to free his length, hissing under his breath when his hand wraps around the entirety of it – He knows he needs to hurry, which is why he starts moving his hand. Steady up and down movements.

His head slumps back into his soft pillows, eyes falling shut as he tries to dream up of scenarios that’ll help him cum quicker. Surely, he’d be able to think about someone else right? Especially because jerking off to you, his best friend's younger sister, who he had never felt this way about, practically saw you grow up… That was wrong, right?

If it was so wrong, then why was he unable to think about anything else? Why was he unable to think about anyone else?

With a feeble groan, he gives up. Finally, finally letting his thoughts wander over to you. The person who had been the reason behind all this, behind his suffering this morning. It’s almost comical how Levi’s cock twitches in his hand the second he recalls how your nipples felt against his body, how you pressed yourself against him.

Were you tempting him? Is that what you wanted? To tempt Levi, to make his brain go all fuzzy, to make him think about the most obscene images of you? Were you trying to turn him into a pervert?

“Shit… So fucking pretty…” He groans, muttering to himself under his breath as images of you remain behind his eyes. Spitting into his hand before letting it wrap around his cock again tightly, Levi lets his imagination go wild once more, thinking about how your mounds would look if you took your shirt off for him. He knows they’d be beautiful, a perfect fit for his hands if he cupped them. They’d be so soft, he knows that for a fact though. He felt how soft they were, even if it was for a brief moment, he felt your tits–

“Fuck, fuck fuc– ooh.” Ribbons upon ribbons of warm cum splatter against his lower stomach and thighs, coating his hand. Levi didn’t even realise when his high caught up to him until his body went stiff, head rolling back and eyes tightly closed while his cock throbs and trembles in his grip.

It takes him a minute or two to calm down enough to open his eyes, letting out a shaky breath that he was holding in. He grimaces at the mess on his body, scolding himself for not having the brain to at least have a couple of tissues by his side. Levi sighs, taking a quick glance at the clock on his bedside table once more and almost smiling at the time.

8:02am.

Maybe, he was capable of making himself cum under thirty minutes… If he was thinking of you.

Sunday nights ended up being movie nights, a “tradition” that Hange and Levi made up in the past for themselves, but since they both had such a soft spot for you, you ended up joining them on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in your lap, seated in the middle of them.

“Okay! Popcorn is almost ready!” You shouted from the kitchen, getting out your biggest bowl from the cupboard.

“What kind is it?”

“Triple buttered, of course.”

“That’s your favourite.”

“Well, they didn’t have caramel and–” You poke your head out from the kitchen, sticking out your tongue. “My house, my rules.”

“Tsk, so defensive. Y’know you could have just easily made caramel popcorn at home, right? Since you’re a chef now.” He states, sitting down on one corner of the couch.

“Easily? Are you insane? It’s not easy to make that shit at home.” You retorted, flopping down onto the couch and placing the bowl in the middle of the both of you.

“Let me guess, you burnt it when you tried to make it?” He asks almost teasingly and takes the bowl for himself, placing it on his lap instead.

“Shut up.” Despite him trying to hold back a laugh, it still falls through his lips for a brief moment. It has you gasping dramatically, hitting his arm as he tries to save the bowl of popcorn. “You’re so mean Levi!”

“You almost knocked the popcorn out of my arms! You’re mean.”

“You deserve that whack, so–” You shrug, huffing loudly and take the remote for yourself as you open up Netflix, pretending to be mad at the male to your right. A couple of moments of silence passed and you, being curious as to if Levi would rebuttal, looked over at him.

He was already staring at you, a smile playing on his lips at how cute you were being, and the second you caught each other's eyes, laughter immediately filled your living room. This is how it had always been between the both of you for as long as you can remember.

“Okay so, what movie are we watching, old man?”

You hear Levi grumble under his breath at the ridiculous nickname you called him every so often. “Love Actually, since you haven’t seen it.”

“Love Actually– You serious, Levi?”

“As serious as always, besides it’s almost Christmas time and it is a Christmas themed movie as well. Why?”

A series of giggles and snorts come from you at his choice of movie, which Levi chooses to ignore. Instead he rolls his eyes and attempts to flick your forehead, but even that couldn’t stop you from giggling.

“O-Oh my god, that’s so cute. You’re so cute.” You coo at him, laughing subsiding. “Hange told me you have a weird little soft spot for rom-coms.” Almost immediately, his cheeks start to burn up at the compliment.

“Of course they did.” He shakes his head, letting his hair fall in his face as he tries his best to avoid eye contact with you, hoping that the dimmed lights would help hide how his cheeks are flushed pink.

You hum as you flick through the movies, finally finding the chosen movie of the night and you get comfortable on the couch. The bowl of popcorn moves from Levi’s lap to beside him, making it easier for you to grab some to eat.

Levi got so engrossed in the movie, he almost forgot about the junk food laid out on the table in front of you both. He carefully moves forward, picking up a smaller bowl filled with lollies and takes a couple to chew on before looking across at your figure. You were now on your side, almost laying down as your head rested on your hand. He’d offer some, but you looked so caught up in the movie that he didn’t want to interrupt.

He smiled to himself, knowing that you’d be a sucker for this movie. But unfortunately for him, as he tried to look away from your body he caught a peek of your breasts.

He should be a gentleman. He should look away, but he can’t. He can’t bring himself to tear his eyes away from your chest. It brings back memories of the other week and how he jerked off, cumming for you, for those tits.

Levi shifts in his seat a little, looking back at the tv, thankful he had already grabbed a pillow before and kept it on his lap (it’s a weird habit of his, always watching shows and movies while hugging a pillow to his chest or keeping it on his lap) since he was about to have a bit of a problem. He can’t. He shouldn’t. Not during movie night, not in your home. He can’t pop a boner right now. No matter how many times he repeated no in his head, it was too late. He was half hard with you mere centimetres away.

Don’t be a perv… Don’t be a fucking perv, he repeated, but even that was futile. His head turned slowly so you wouldn’t see out of your peripheral vision, and kept his eyes on your chest. They seemed… Perkier than he remembered. You must be wearing a bra. That’s unfortunate.

He would kill to see them out, hanging, nipples hard against your shirt. The top you were wearing was thin, if you didn’t have a bra on, then your nipples would definitely peek through. Fuck.

He’s gross, Levi knows that. But he just can’t help himself.

Once again, his thoughts start wandering.

What if you felt the same way as him? What if you were willing to let him touch you, to let him grope your tits? He’d be gentle, at first anyway. Keeping you seated on his lap, hands slowly gripping your thighs, trailing up to your waist, under your shirt… Under your bra if you let him… Would you let him touch your nipples? Would you shiver, or would you moan as he played with them?

A gentle grope, that’s all. He just wants to lean over and grope your pretty body so bad if you’ll let him.

He shouldn’t have let his mind be strayed like that. Now he was actually hard and he had to take care of it.

“Gonna pop off to the bathroom, yeah?” He whispers, leaning down just enough so you’ll be able to hear him.

“Mhm, just passed my room, to the left.” You whisper back, looking at him briefly to see him nod before reverting your attention back to the movie.

Levi stands up the best he can without looking awkward, rushing off in the direction of your room. He shuts the door of the bathroom behind him with a deep exhale, leaning against the counter, almost mentally preparing himself for what he was about to do in your home.

The corner of his eye catches something, and all of a sudden, Levi feels like the luckiest man on Earth.

Your panties. Laying on the floor, near the shower.

You must have forgotten about them, he thinks. Or was this just another one of your ways to drive him insane? To make him hornier than he was before? You were tempting him, that had to be it.

He shouldn’t. Levi feels gross enough having to jerk off again thinking about you, the fact he was in your home making it even worse but… But it wouldn’t hurt right? It wouldn’t hurt to pick them up off the floor and use them to aid his fantasies… Right?

Levi’s not really sure when it happens, too driven by lust, but the next thing he knows, he has his sweatpants pooled against his feet, boxers pushed down to his mid thighs while one hand pumps his cock and the other holds your dirty panties.

He bites down on his lower lip harshly, making it plumper than usual. Levi fucks his hand desperately, imagining you bent over, panties pushed to the side as his cock plows in and out of your tight cunt rigourously. He’d make you feel so good, he knows he would, you’d be addicted to his cock.

He swears your his little temptress, innocent on the outside but fucking filthy on the inside. That’s why you’ve been so adamant on showing him your tits, right? That’s why your panties were on the floor. So you could tempt him. Filthy. You’re filthy.

It’s then when Levi starts thinking about fate. The world is so wild, so crazy. So small. Out of all the apartments in the city you could have picked, you chose the one he stayed in – And to top it all off, you were right next to him. It had to be fate. The world was telling him that you two were fated for each other, fated to be with each other one way or another. It warms his heart.

It might be sick and twisted of him to think that way, but it’s true. It’s fate.

Fate brought you back to Levi, and he couldn’t be happier.

Levi groans, eyebrows furrowed as he holds up your dirty panties to his nose and inhales the scent imprinted on it deeply.

His cock twitches, balls tightening and he knows he’s close. Without much thought, he opens your panties as best he can with one hand, letting his cum paint the middle of the fabric as his orgasm rushes over him, jaw slacking open. He wraps the cum covered panties around his cock, beginning to fuck into the soiled fabric, groaning at how it makes sloppy sounds. He imagines your cunt making the same noise as he fills you full of his cum. It’s only when his cock feels too sensitive, covered in a sheen layer of cum and your panties feel heavy with how they’ve soaked the liquid up, that he stops.

He cleans himself up in the bathroom, opting to shove your panties in the pocket of his sweats since he couldn’t leave it out for you to see, otherwise you’d know what he was really doing in the bathroom and he can’t have that. Quietly, he tiptoes back into the living room and takes a seat next to you, noticing how the movie’s almost done.

“You okay?” You question, giving Levi your undivided attention. “You were gone for a while.”

“Mhm. Just felt a little sick from all that buttery popcorn you made me eat.” He says, ruffling your hair as you mumble about how he “didn’t need to eat it”.

He smiles to himself, amused by how gullible you were as he lied straight through his teeth. You probably don’t even remember your panties lying on the bathroom floor, so you would never know what he did, and Levi likes it that way.

A rustling sound from outside snapped Levi out of his thoughts, and being the kind hearted man he was, he assumed it might be a cat. It’s not out of the ordinary for stray cats to be lingering around the building, often on the search for food Levi’s noticed. Either that or they just like to climb ten stories for no reason and walk along the railings. Levi doesn’t mind though, he finds it almost comforting to take care of them indirectly, ears perking up the second there are sounds outside his apartment, almost rushing to pull out the bag of cat food that’s stashed away in his pantry.

As he moved the curtains back and went to open the door, the sight he was met with was not a stray cat – In fact, it might have been better than a stray cat. It was you hanging up your washing. It wasn’t out of the ordinary to see you put up the washing, but today Levi wasn’t able to walk away, instead he wanted to watch you.

Levi held back a chuckle, recalling back to when you’d do the same thing back when you lived with your parents, always popping into the backyard and hanging up the wet clothes when the washing machine was done. He found it almost amusing seeing you peg your clothes up, being hit with a wave of nostalgia. The wind made your hair blow in the air, hips swaying side to side while you faintly hummed along to a tune Levi didn’t recognise – You had always been in love with music, finding new songs to listen to and he’s glad you haven’t changed in that aspect.

It was cute. You were cute.

You could have just turned on your dryer, every apartment had one. It was the 21st century after all, what person didn’t prefer to go down the easy route and shove things in a machine to dry clothes? You, apparently.

Levi gets far too lost in the way your hips sway, the dress stopping at your knees but the wind aids his perverted mind, blowing your dress up just a little so he could see your thighs and boy was it making his mind crazy. Your back was thankfully turned to him, so he could lean against the glass door and continue to stare, if you did happen to turn around, he could pull his curtains in and cover himself up. Levi was thankful to himself for the change of curtains too, they were darker, not those stupid lacy ones everyone was getting nowadays. They let too much light in, and besides, he wouldn’t be able to stare at you like he was doing if he had those lace ones, now would he?

He didn’t even realise when you went back inside, too busy being a sick pervert and obsessing over you. Levi finally sees the clothes you were hanging up now that you were out of the way though. A couple of shirts, some sweats, and those pretty little panties of yours.

He’d still kept the ones from last week, not bothering to wash them properly. They were just rinsed, being kept in the drawer of his bedside table so he could help himself with them when he needed (almost every night since you had invaded every inch of his brain).

Again, fate had to be behind all this. It had to have been, Levi must have saved someone's life in his previous life or something because once again, he felt like the luckiest man alive.

You mustn't have pegged your panties up properly, because a couple seconds after Levi started looking at your clothes, it drifted in the wind and landed on Levi’s balcony.

He was quick to pick them up and go back inside, closing the door, bringing them to his nose and inhaling like a fucking sicko. It was sweet, your fabric softener was sweet, like you. The smell suited you, made the fabric nice and soft. It was pretty, so lacy and see through that he’d be able to see your cunt if you were wearing them.

Levi put them out on a chair so they could dry, mentally reminding himself to put them away in his drawer later on since they’re his now.

Christmas Eve rolled around in the blink of an eye.

Levi finally had time off work and though having food at one another's place had become a regular occurance, Levi invited you over for a Christmas dinner at his, saying it was his turn to cook you a delicious meal after all the little baked goods and breakfasts you had made for him throughout the couple months you’d move in next door.

You’d wrapped his present up in the cutest wrapping paper you could find, little teddy bears dressed in red hats and scarfs. It was glittery, something Levi couldn’t stand since it was so hard to clean off, but the look in your eyes as he took it from your hands paired with the innocent smile you gave him… Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t mind glitter. Afterall, you’d worked so hard to wrap this, so neatly too, he couldn’t let you down now.

Levi’s cooking skills had definitely gotten much better, it was like you were eating out at a five star restaurant honestly. He shushed you up when you started gushing about it, saying he was so much better than you. He just said it was his mothers recipe, he had done nothing special apart from follow it.

It was a perfect night.

“All that food is catching up to me. Where’s your bathroom by the way?”

“Down the hallway on your right.”

“Be back, yeah?” You stood up, flattening your dress and making your way to the bathroom.

On your way back, you’d realised Levi’s window in his room was open, the cool breeze making the door creak a little and to avoid any slamming of doors, you went inside and closed the window. Sure, you should have asked before entering his room, but it was just for a brief couple of seconds.

At least, that’s all it should have been. Just a couple of seconds. You were meant to just close the door.

So, why were your legs frozen at the edge of Levi’s bed?

“No…” You mumble, shocked by what you were seeing in front of you.

At least five different kinds of underwear… Your underwear. You knew they were yours, one of the red laced ones you had bought just a couple weeks before, assuming you must have misplaced them or they must have blown away in the wind since it had been stormy that week.

That’s what you assumed happened with all your missing panties…

They’d just been misplaced…

But apparently not.

They were dirty too… Covered in liquid and you didn’t even want to think about what it could be, even though you knew. You 100% knew what they were covered in, and it made your stomach sick. Your heart sank into your stomach. There was no way this was Levi’s fault…

There is no way Levi has been keeping your underwear in his home…

No fucking way…

Then all of sudden, your vision went black.

The next time your eyes open, you're seated in a chair in a room you don’t recognise, hands and feet tied up, tape placed over your mouth. You can’t even bring yourself to scream, there’s honestly no point, instead silent tears fall from the corners of your eyes.

What the hell was happening…

“O-Oh, thank god. You’re awake…” Levi stumbles into the room, fear evident in his eyes as he looks at you.

But he’s met with you shaking your head, a noise somewhere between a sob and a scream coming from you.

“Hey. Listen, I won’t– I won’t do anything alright? Just let me take the tape off. That’s all, okay? Will you let me do that?” He’s uneasy when he asks and you just stare at him through blurry vision, blinking away the tears as he continues to stand still, waiting for an answer.

You reluctantly agree, nodding back at him, knowing– No, praying that your Levi from before is still there in him. This must be a misunderstanding. Yeah… That’s all it is, a misunderstanding, is what you keep repeating to yourself in your mind.

Levi sighs in relief, crouching down once he’s close enough. The way you flinch away from him almost breaks his heart into two, but he’s gentle. He’s thoughtful. Cautious with how he pulls the tape away from your mouth, rolling it up into a ball and tossing it to the side, looking back at you. “Are you alright?”

“Do I look ‘alright’ to you?” You snap, words harsh and your tone unpleasant. Levi can’t bring himself to say anything, instead just sighing once more and resting his hands on your thighs as he stays crouched down.

“I’m sorry…” Is all he can muster up. “I didn’t mean to do all this. To hurt you… It's just– I just panicked. I’m sorry, ____. Forgive me?” It’s only then you realise that he really did knock you out, that maybe your Levi, the one you knew from before, the one that was soft, kind in his weird little way, maybe your Levi wasn’t in there anymore.

“L-Levi please… Let me go. I want to go home. Please. I won’t t-tell anyone– About this, please. Undo these ropes. Please.”

Levi could only shake his head, hands gripping your thighs tightly. “Can’t. Can’t let you go.”

“W-Why! This– This isn’t right!”

“I know!” His voice was loud, booming, echoing through your ears. He’s never once raised his voice before at you– Hell, he’s never actually raised his voice this loud, ever. Not even when Hange was annoying the living daylights out of him. You were scared, fear pumping through your veins. Eventually, your eyesight went all blurry again, tears forming and falling onto the back of Levi’s hand while you sobbed.

“Shit– Don’t… Don’t cry. Baby, please. Don’t cry, you’re alright.” He was quick to cup your face, thumb wiping away the salty droplets. “I won’t hurt you again, okay?”

“Then why won’t you undo these stupid fucking ropes, Levi?! Let me go… Please.”

“I’m sorry… I just can’t.” You can’t bring yourself to argue with him more, head starting to throb where you were hit as you sob violently, eyes shut tightly in hopes that your head would stop hurting or at least dull the pain at least. If Levi was in pain for harming you before, seeing you cry, broke his heart even further.

“Let me make it up to you… Please.”

A small period of silence before you looked up, sniffling. “H-How…?” You question, hoping it’d be something good, something that would help you forgive him.

“Just… Just relax. Gonna make you feel good, you’ll forgive me after that, yeah?” You tensed as you felt his hands inch further up your dress, breath hitching in your throat.

“L-Levi?”

“It’s okay. ‘M making it up to you.” He whispers, using his strength and bunching the dress up at your waist, leaving your bottom half exposed for him to ogle at. “Relax for me, okay? You know I’d never hurt you.”

You weren’t really sure if that was the case anymore… But it’s not like you were in any position to argue with him, seeing as you were currently restricted in one place and he was free to move around. “Levi… Not– Now how you should be making i-it up t’me…”

“Shhh. You’ll feel good.” He knows you feel scared, which is why he’s touching softly, like you’re made of glass. Like you’re fragile. In a way you are, your heart is delicate right now, you’re hurt because of him and he needs to make you feel better. His fingers play with the hem of your panties, one hand spreading your legs as far as they can go despite the ropes still on your ankles.

“Levi–!” You yelp, feeling the band of your underwear snap back into place rather harshly. He gets your mind off the sting of pain though, mouth peppering kisses to your inner thighs, not missing the way your thighs shake as he moves closer to your core, the fluffy strands of hair brushing against your skin making goosebumps appear.

“You’re so pretty, ‘n all mine.” He murmurs. You cringe at his words audibly, and Levi furrows his brows. You were his. You just didn’t realise it yet. The universe did this, fate did this. It was no coincidence you became neighbours after so long, it was fate. You were his, and he was yours. He’d get you to admit it one way or another.

Levi’s fingers toyed with your panties again, though this time he moved them aside, exposing your pussy to him for the first time. He was at loss for words, just staring at how wet you had already become and all he did was kiss your thighs. Maybe a part of you liked how useless you were, all tied up as he kneeled in between your thighs. For the first time after months and months upon imagining how your cunt looked, he’d finally seen it, and it did not disappoint. You were an angel to him. Prettiest cunt he’d ever seen, and it belonged to his favourite girl.

Ample amount of slick was seeping from your middle, almost like your cunt was drooling, and he couldn’t let it go to waste. So Levi’s tongue darted out, flattening it against your folds, slipping right in between them with a groan, and he licked up, curling the muscle slightly so he was able to catch more of your arousal on it. The tip of his tongue brushed against your clit so perfectly, it had your nails digging into your palms. It wasn’t right… This isn’t how you thought he’d apologise… But you didn’t want it to stop either.

“Hhng– L-Levi.” You spluttered, voice airy, feeling the warmth of his tongue subsiding too quickly.

“Taste even better than I thought it would.” He sneers, and without missing another beat, he dives right back in. Wet sounds echoed through the air as he ate you out, a mixture of spit from Levi and your slick coating the bottom half of his mouth. His movements were sloppy, almost rushed, like he had been starved for so long. Despite how scrambled his tongue was, it still made your brain frantic. It felt so good, you couldn’t remember the last time someone had put in this much effort to make you feel good, that’s probably why Levi’s tongue felt so heavenly between your folds.

You start to twitch above him, and Levi flicks his eyes open, noting how your mouth was open and moans poured out. You were close, that much he could tell. He doesn’t move away, letting his tongue flicker against your nub and going to suck on it to help you reach your high. If you could, your hands would be tangled in his blackened hair tightly, pushing him in even deeper.

“L-Lev– I’m gonna–” You couldn’t even warn him, not that he really wanted to be warned in the first place. Your body went limp as you came on his tongue, trembling slightly as he continued to draw the tip of his tongue up and down your clit to overstimulate you.

You whimpered, trying to move your hips away to get him to stop but his hands gripped your waist, holding you in place easily. “Quit runnin’. ‘M trying to make it up to you, baby.” Vibrations from his voice went straight to your clit as he mumbled the words out.

“‘S too much–!”

“C’mon.” He coos, pulling back to look at you. You can see the way his face is wet. He licks his lips, swallowing while maintaining eye contact. His thumb replaces his tongue, rubbing your nub in small circles to keep you stimulated and shaking. “You can take it. I know you can. You’ve always been so good to me.” He speaks, not giving you much time to say anything as two fingers prod and press against your slick hole.

He relishes in the way you give up so easily, once again falling limp before your hips start to chase his fingers with quiet whines. “More…”

“Okay, baby, okay. Relax for me.” He chuckles, dipping the tips of both digits into your slippery cunt. “S-Shit…” Levi gulps audibly. “Tight… So fuckin’ tight. How’s my cock gonna fit in here, huh?”

“D-Dunno… I– Ahh…” With a mewl, your back arches, Levi’s fingers stretching you open little by little before they fit nice and snug in your clenching walls, buried knuckle deep. It’s pitiful the way you sob for more and at the same time, for less. It feels like too much, his fingers are so much thicker than yours, and it’s been far too long since you’ve touched yourself like this. Your mind is going hazy as your eyes flutter shut once Levi withdraws his fingers. But he pushes them both back in with so much force, in the best way possible. You’re crying, this time begging for more.

His constant movements, in and out, in and out, digits reaching so deep inside you that your stomach starts to form a knot again, walls clenching. He lets you cum again, this time just stimulating your gspot, curling his fingers in just right that you fall apart. You’re so beautiful like this, he can tell you’re close to losing your mind, your eyes looking almost empty from the sheer amount of pleasure.

Levi lets you breathe, pulling out his fingers once you’ve ridden out your orgasm. You look down at him, eyes clouded.

“So good f’me.” He whispers, straightening himself up, holding his slick and cream coated fingers to your mouth. He gives your lips a little tap, only to be met with a whine from you. “Open up baby? Y’got my fingers all messy. Gotta clean up, yeah?”

And when he’s met with no response, he prys your mouth open. Other hand coming to pull your jaw open so he could push his fingers onto your tongue. “Have you gone dumb already?” He questions. You only blink at him, lips closing around his digits as you whimper, tongue cleaning up your mess. Levi smiles, giving your forehead a kiss and pulls out his fingers that are now coated in your spit.

“Levi…” You speak up, voice quiet and airy, so innocent that it makes his cock twitch. “Want… Want more.”

“More?”

“You. ‘M want you… Need you. Please?”

“What do you need? Can you use those big girl words for me or are you too dumb to think that much?” You shake your head, albeit on the verge of losing your mind, you did your best to speak up.

“Cock, need your cock. Wanna be full. Please Levi, need your cock.”

He swears under his breath, almost cumming on the spot while he hears you beg for him, for more of him. “Gonna undo these ropes, okay? You won’t run away from me, will you?”

“No! No, ‘m not gonna do that. Not gonna run away, need you. Need you, Levi. Won’t leave you.” You thrashed around in your seat a little, eyes tearing up at the mere thought of running away from the male after he made you feel so good, and he was willing to give you more too. Why would you ever run away from that?

Levi’s heart doubled in size. You needed him… You won’t leave him. That’s what he wanted, that’s what he wanted you to admit. It’s exactly what he wanted to hear from you. His eyes almost form into hearts, holding your face in his hands so delicately, pressing a gentle kiss to your nose. “Sit still for me.”

He makes quick work on the ropes around your ankles and wrists, making sure to pepper the redness in kisses, mumbling out sorry’s like his life depended on it. You sat still, just like he wanted. You were so obedient, so pliant, Levi felt so lucky in that moment.

With a brain as hazy and faded as yours, you didn’t realise when you had made it to his bedroom, back on his mattress as he held himself above your body. The corner of your eye picked up your stolen underwear, sitting where you had seen them earlier, on the corner of the bed. But this time you didn’t care that Levi had stolen them, that he had used them for his sick fantasies. You were too dumbed down and too driven by lust to care. It actually made your pussy throb this time, knowing that he was getting off to you, that he was so needy he needed to use something of yours, something so intimate and lewd as panties.

You pawed at his chest, tugging on the shirt he had on. “Levi, please fill me up. Need it.”

“I know, baby. Be patient, you’ll get what you want.” Levi’s hands trail over your body, resting on your ribcage. “Will you let me touch these pretty tits first?”

He’d been eyeing your chest for so long now, for so many months. That’s what started his obsession with you in the first place, and now he was just a couple of centimetres away from finally being able to touch them like he’s always wanted.

You don’t respond verbally, instead, pulling the straps of your dress down your shoulders. Levi takes advantage of it, tugging the middle of it down just enough to have your tits spilling out of it. No bra either. Fuck. He thinks he loves you.

At once, Levi’s mouth is sucking on one nipple, tongue brushing across it to make it hard, teeth coming to bite down on the hardened nub so harshly it draws a sob from you. He’s so into it, almost like he’s trying to get more of your tit into his mouth, moaning and groaning around the flesh while his hand gropes the other, pinching and pulling the nipple. When he finally pulls back after what feels like hours, your chest is painted in blossoming hickies. All marked up. For him.

“Off, please. These… Off.” You palm his cock over his pants. You had tried your hardest to be patient but you can’t take it anymore, you need to feel him. All of him.

Levi’s too impatient to pull them off properly, instead just undoing the buttons and tugging them down to his knees along with his boxers. His hands find your thighs, spreading them apart to look at your folds, all slick and visibly throbbing.

He lets a glob of spit fall from his lips, landing on your clit with a small slap, and he waits for it to trail down to your folds, using the head of his cock to rub it against your hole. “Can’t wait longer Levi. Now, give it to me now. Plea–” Your mouth opens in an ‘o’, eyes practically rolling back into your head as Levi finally pushes his thick cock into your aching cunt.

You fall silent, too far gone, overwhelmed with the feeling of being stretched out so much after so long. Cunt clamping around his cock so hard Levi swears your walls are cutting off circulation, and as he bottoms out, balls pressed against your ass, you get impossibly tighter. It’s almost like your cunt wants to keep him buried there.

“S-Shit… You’re… S’fucking tight– Holy shit, baby.” He groans from above you, biting his lip as he tries to pull his hips back, and he barely gets an inch of his cock out before pushing right back in and earning a sweet whimper from you. “Baby, gotta loosen up. Fuckin’ cunts too tight… Can’t– Can’t move.”

“Can’t… Too much– Cock ‘s too big, Levi I– Ahh–”

Levi grits his teeth as you tighten around him again. “You gotta.” With a sharp inhale, he brings the pad of his thumb to your clit, rubbing circles around it to help you get used to the feeling, and after a minute or so, your cunt finally releases the grip on his cock just enough to let him draw his hips back.

It doesn’t take long for Levi to start up at a rigorous pace, but he just can’t help it. You feel so good around his cock, this is all he ever wanted. “Feels s’good baby, doin’ s’ well f’me.” He mumbles, words coming out harshly, almost drowned out by how hard his hips slam against your own. Sounds of skin hitting skin fill the room, and you’re so damn wet your arousal has dripped down to the crevice of your ass, even coating Levi’s balls, making a sloppy sound every couple of seconds.

If you were dumb before, you had no brain now. His cock hit places so deep inside you, places you didn’t even know existed before, he fucked you so hard, so deep, with every thrust your tits bounced harshly. They were starting to hurt with how hard he was fucking into you, nails digging into the flesh of your waist as he hoisted your legs up, pressing them to your chest as he presses you into a mating press. You swear the tip of his cock is hitting your cervix with every thrust.

“Fuck fuck fuck–” He grunts, plowing into you, growling as your nails start to leave scratch marks down his biceps and shoulders. “G’nna make you all mine. Y’know that you belong to m-me, yeah baby? Only me. Mine. Fate made you mine.”

“Mhmm, ‘m yo– Ah! Yours! Jus’ yours… Levi, ‘m yours.” You’re wailing at this point, sobbing, covered in tears and snots running down your nose, babbling on about his cock, about how you’re his. Levi’s proud, and he leans down to press his lips to your forehead, not missing a beat with his thrusts.

It’s not even shocking to him when you cum around his cock suddenly, going silent as your body twitches and shivers underneath him. You let out a shaky sigh, overstimulation catching up to you rather quickly since Levi kept fucking you through your high. “‘S okay, stay s-still. Quit runnin’ away– Gonna cum soon baby, jus’ a little longer.” He grits out, pinning your body down with ease.

“I-Inside… Inside, Levi. Cum inside me.”

If he wasn’t so close to you right now, Levi would have missed what you said, you were so quiet, voice tiny and frail.

“Fuu–uck.” It was long and drawn out, orgasm rolling over him only a couple seconds after you uttered those words. Hips stilling, pressed right against the deepest spot inside you.

He sighs softly after his orgasm passes, letting his fingers trace your eyelids. You let them open, looking up at Levi with a dazed look, a dumb smile plastered on your face as you feel how utterly full you are now. Full of cock and cum.

“Who do you belong to, baby?” He asks, voice hushed, hand cupping your cheek. “Who owns you?”

“You, Levi, ‘m all yours now. Forever ‘n ever.”

He laughs, pressing his lips to yours for the first time that night. It’s sloppy, messy and rushed. He kisses you like it’s the last time he’ll ever feel you like this, even though it isn’t. Cause you admitted you’re his, and he was gonna keep it that way.

Levi pulls back for air, panting against your mouth, not fazed by how your hot breaths mingled with one another. “Mine, my dumb baby. All mine.”

You two were fated to be together, and Levi’s never going to let you go.

tagging : @leyyvi | @fairyfuyu <3

[nsheetee]

109 Steps To You

this is a part of the “almost” collaboration hosted by @hyucksie​

Pairing: Haechan x Reader Genre: romance, fluff, angst, mature content, soulmate!AU, college!AU Length: 19k Summary: Everyone is born with two marks on their body: one that is identical to your soulmate’s, and one that is identical to the person who will cause you immense pain. No one knows which mark means what until they live out their life and meet the people destined to bring them love and hurt. However, you were only born with one mark. Out of all the places you thought you would meet the person with the mark identical to yours, you never thought it would be on your first day of college. Warnings/Details: female reader, mentions of other nct members (and yuqi from g-idle), explicit sex (unprotected + the consequences that come with it), mentions of a dysfunctional family, swearing

— read epilogue here

a/n: if you’re a minor: beware! there is explicit and mature content in this fic.

“I want to thank you guys, again, for helping me out today.” You shyly announce to the table, swirling your spoon through your froyo and glancing back and forth between the other people sitting before you.

“Oh, it’s no problem, we weren’t doing anything today anyway.” Xiaojun softly knocks his elbow into yours, sending a reassuring smile your way. If it wasn’t for Xiaojun, an old childhood friend, you weren’t sure how moving into your dorm room and getting settled into campus would’ve gone; you would probably still be a mess right now.

“He’s right. Plus, I really wanted to meet the girl Jun kept raving about, he wouldn’t stop talking about how much we would like you-” Mark’s comment is quickly cut off, a thud under the table and a pained look on Mark’s face giving away that Xiaojun just kicked him.

“I just hope I lived up to the hype.” You laugh at their antics.

“Oh, definitely,” Yuqi quickly buts in before Mark can retaliate back at Xiaojun, “And I live a few floors below you, so just let me know if you need anything at all.” She adds on, her warm deposition and all around friendliness from today making you let out a small sigh of relief, some stress falling off your shoulders when you realize just how many people around you are here to help you out.

“I appreciate it so much, really.” You lean away from Xiaojun and Mark, closer to Yuqi and Lucas who are sitting on the other side of the table, “By the way, I love your guys’ marks. They look so good on both of you.”

At your comment, Lucas puts down his phone and gently grabs Yuqi’s hand, their matching chamomile flower marks touching as their fingers intertwine. You almost didn’t notice their matching marks earlier today when they were helping you set up your dorm room, but when you did, you couldn’t help but stop what you were doing and stare at their hands. Such a simple mark has never looked so pretty to you, maybe it’s because Lucas and Yuqi made such a good pair that their fated marks looked so right for them.

“I still wish I got a cool dragon mark down my back, but I’ll let Jun be the one to deal with that in this life.” Lucas smirks at Xiaojun, who just rolls his eyes at Lucas’ fake jealousy. “Yours looks good, too.” He finishes and glances down at your left hand. There, a dragonfly mark stains your skin, the long tail trailing over your thumb and the wings spreading out over the back of your hand and your wrist.

“Thank you.” Your reply is genuine, however you can’t help but remember the solemn fact that surrounds your mark, your voice inadvertently dipping down as your eyes trace over the wings of your dragonfly.

“So, what kind of classes are you taking this semester?” Xiaojun changes the subject, no doubt hearing the lament in your voice.

“Oh, just some required classes. Nothing for my major, really, except Intro to Ethics for my humanities credit.” You reply as casually as you can to bring the mood at the table back up, but your comment makes Yuqi gasp and all four pairs of eyes at the table turn to you. You slouch in your seat at their sudden attention on you.

“Why would you do that to yourself?”

“What is wrong with you?”

“Do you know your advisor's email? Let’s send them a message right now to get you out-”

“Stop.” You shake your head, laughing a bit at the overreaction from your new friends, “What’s wrong with Ethics?”

“It’s in the Hauss building.” Xiaojun says as if you should already know what that means. You roll your lips in and shake your head; you do not know what that means at all.

“It’s the building all the way on top of the big hill on the west side of campus, by the auditorium.” Xiaojun explains more.

“They only teach three classes over there: Ethics and Music Theory 3 and 4.” Mark sets down his melted froyo, not realizing he has some sticking to his upper lip.

“I’m failing to see what’s so horrible about that?”

“When Xiaojun says it’s a big hill, he means it’s a really big hill-”

“Didn’t someone count the steps once and it came out to be, like, close to 100?” Lucas asks, one hand still tangled with Yuqi’s and the other now rapidly slurping his triple chocolate froyo.

“That was me, and it’s 109 steps.” Mark shutters, “I took Music Theory 3 last year and I ended up skipping half of the time because I couldn’t find the energy to climb up and down those steps three times a week.”

“Why 109? Aren’t groups of steps usually in even numbers? That’s not very architecturally smart.” Yuqi purses her lips and her eyebrows screw together.

“Screw architecture. Are you telling me I’ll have to climb up and down 109 stairs three times a week just to go to Ethics?” You can already feel a headache growing at the back of your head when you think about the complications of dealing with this big staircase. You needed that class for your major, and you thought it was going to be a class that you could pass with flying colors, but it seems like it might just be a nuisance to you more than an easy A.

“Talk to your advisor. Try to drop out and take a different class. Trust me, 109 steps don’t seem like much until you actually have to climb them.” Mark gives you his piece of advice, sticking his spoon filled with froyo into his mouth and then immediately scrunching his eyes and mumbling about brain freeze.

You’ll have to send an e-mail to your advisor real quick, but for your first day of classes tomorrow, you’ll just have to deal with those 109 steps.

The walk to your ethics class the next morning is very calming, the university’s nice landscaping and the warm weather calming your nerves down for your first day of classes. When you round the corner of the stonewall you had been following, you’re met with the infamous set of steps.

You have to crane your neck to look up at the top of the staircase, your jaw slightly dropping at how steep of a hill the stairs were built on. There are other students around you walking up and down the staircase, their headphones shoved in their ears and their heads down as they make the climb to and from class.

The stonewall you had been following all the way here continues up the staircase on your right and on the left is a thick wall of trees, their branches hanging over the stairs and giving protection from the sunlight to the students below. You begin to count every step on your way up; four regular steps, the fifth one a bit longer than the rest, and then repeat. It’s not that you don’t trust Mark’s words when he said there’s 109 steps, you just want to count for yourself.

You hear some rowdy boys coming down the stairs, but the noise is not enough to pull your head up from the ground or to stop you from counting, until you’re forcefully pushed into the stone wall on your right. Breathing in through your teeth sharply, your left hand clutches your collarbones where the pain is the worst.

“Oh, my god. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to push you.” The guy laughs through his words, a high-pitched and almost squeaky laugh, making him sound not as sincere as he probably meant to be. When you turn to face him, the first thing you notice are his eyes. Chocolate colored and almond shaped, some laugh lines showing from the remnants of his shenanigans with his friends.

Looking back, you realize you fell in love with his eyes first. How they don’t hold back from showing any emotion, and the mischievousness they hold no matter what.

Even when his smile falls, his face looks pretty; long hair hanging down over his forehead and ears, and plump lips spreading into an ‘o’ shape as he looks at your dragonfly. Every line and detail is just the same as his own, as if fate spent a little more time with you two to make sure you know you’re each other’s soulmate the moment you meet.

“Your mark…” The man points at your hand, and that’s when you realize who you’ve just met. His brilliant eyes fill with excitement and he starts to breath harder, taking a step back from sheer surprise that you’re here. His soulmate. His one and only for the rest of this life.

However it all fades away the moment you drop your hand from your collarbones, stepping past him to continue up the staircase.

“Next time, watch where you’re going.” The first words you ever say to him are filled with so much indifference that Haechan can only follow your back with his eyes, his jaw slack and his hand still reaching out for you.

“Hey, wait-” Haechan is about to run after you, but he’s held back by Renjun, his best friend and the one who pushed Haechan into you in the first place.

“Was that-” Renjun begins, holding onto his friend’s elbow as he also watches you walk up the rest of the 109 steps.

“Yeah… Why did she ignore me like that? She saw that I have the same mark. We’re soulmates!” Haechan almost cries out in confusion, his heart and mind in a mess. Can you blame him? He’s been waiting to meet his soulmate since he knew what the dragonfly on his hand meant. Haechan has never been a patient person, and even waiting several years for you to come to him was testing him. Now that you’re here, he isn’t going to let you go easily.

As Haechan begins to walk back up the staircase to follow you, not caring about his Literature class in 15 minutes, Renjun’s grip on him tightens and pulls him back.

“You can’t just go harass her about this.”

“I’m not going to harass her. I just want to talk.” Haechan tries to pull out of Renjun’s grip again, but the little man has the sturdiness of a boulder and pulls his friend back.

“Maybe she doesn’t want a soulmate?” Renjun and Haechan stop their tug of war at Jaemin’s words. He had been leaning against the handrail by the trees the whole time while watching the scene unfold in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest and his baseball cap covering his eyes. “It’s not that uncommon these days.”

Haechan and Renjun let go of each other at their friend’s words. Jaemin sends them a bitter smile and all three of them recall the incident that happened last year when Jaemin met his own soulmate:

A rejection.

Jaemin took it hard; if it hadn’t been for his best friends, he doesn’t know where he would be in life right now. Jaemin can’t help but let the memories surface as he continues to walk down the stairs, slower than before, his head bowed and his hands shoved into his pant pockets. Renjun sends Haechan a look that tells him to not push the situation further, following Jaemin down the stairs.

Haechan sends your retreating figure one last look, watching you reach the top of the staircase and walk into the Hauss building. He retreats and follows his friends dejectedly, the promise of you showing up on this staircase at the same time on Wednesday being the only thing that lets his legs follow his friends down the stairs.

“Hey, ___, come in.” Mark smiles brightly when he recognizes you at the door, stepping aside to let you into the dorm room. “Xiaojun is in the shower still… Will you be okay by yourself if I leave?” He looks unsure as you set your backpack down on Xiaojun’s desk chair.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. You do whatever you need to.” You state and then plop down onto your friend’s bed. You hear Mark laugh and say something about how all the first years look tired at the end of their first day and then leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. You lay sprawled out on the bed, the only sounds surrounding you is the water from the shower and the ticking of the analog clock on the wall.

Even though the whole ordeal happened several hours ago, you haven’t been able to get the moment you met your soulmate out of your mind. It was almost impossible for you to turn around and walk away. Even now, your feet still itch to go back to that staircase and find the sweet looking guy who you no doubt left confused.

However, you can’t do that— you won’t let yourself do that. And that’s partially why you’re in Xiaojun’s dorm room after your last class today: so that he can knock some sense into you.

The shower turns off and a few moments later, the bathroom door opens and Xiaojun steps out. He has a towel wrapped around his waist and a smaller one on his shoulders to catch the droplets from his hair; when he sees you laying on his bed, he jumps in fright.

“Good, God,” He sighs and clutches his bare chest with one hand, the other protectively going to the towel around his waist. “Can you say something the next time you come over? I almost had a heart attack because of you.” He walks over to his closet on the other side of the room, rummaging through some clothes as you sit up.

“Sorry, I thought you heard the door open…” You trail off, getting distracted by Xiaojun’s mark. The dragon on his back is huge, taking up most of the area and spreading to his shoulders and upper arms, too. However, that’s not the mark that caught your attention. Right on his ankle sits a three-leaf clover, so small and such a stark difference from the monster drawn on his back.

You’re pulled away from your thoughts when Xiaojun turns around and walks back into the bathroom, this time leaving the door open, “So, how was your first day?”

“Oh, well, it was okay…” You trail off, speaking a bit louder so that he could hear you from the other room. You stand up and start pacing in the space between Mark’s and Xiaojun’s beds, a nervous habit of yours.

“But? I know there’s a ‘but’ somewhere.” Xiaojun replies.

“Well, something happened…” You trail off, not sure how to make the words leave your mouth yet.

“What is it?” You swallow at the question, your throat dry and hands clammy. You must’ve been taking a long time to answer because Xiaojun walks out of the bathroom, now fully clothed, and stares at your pacing form. “What’s wrong, ___.”

“I met him.” You say simply, hoping Xiaojun gets what you mean, but he doesn’t. You sigh and sink down to the floor slowly, catching yourself on Xiaojun’s bed. The action makes his eyes widen in fear and he crosses the room in a few short strides, kneeling down next to you and searching your eyes for the answer.

“What? What is it?”

“The person with the same mark as me. I met him.”

“... Oh.”

Xiaojun slowly slides down onto his butt in front of you, folding his legs. He’s not sure what to say, or how to comfort you in anyway. He didn’t expect to be the only person around that you trust when something like this happens. He sees the lost look in your eyes and slides towards you to pull you into a hug.

Unlike Xiaojun, and most people in the world, you do not have two marks.

Xiaojun’s dragon and clover match with two different people in this world; one who will be his soulmate and the other who will bring him immense pain. Everyone has two marks— except you; it even states it on your birth certificate, your parents can testify that they’ve never seen a second mark on you, just the lonely dragonfly that spreads its wings over your left hand.

When you were younger, you were curious about what it meant to only have one mark. The people around you always had two marks, the people on the TV shows you liked to watch always had two marks, even anatomy books have depictions of humans with two marks. Why were you different? What did it mean?

After gathering up the guts to type the question into the Google search engine, you found your answers, and it changed your thoughts on your one and only mark forever. The people in the world who only had one mark testified to the same story online: the person who’s mark matched theirs were both their soulmate and the person who hurt them the most.

After learning about that, you promised yourself that if you ever met the person with the same mark as you, you would not meddle with them in any way if they were only destined to bring you pain in the end.

If you knew jumping off a bridge would definitely kill you, you wouldn’t jump, right?

Xiaojun is the only person, other than your parents, who knows about the situation. Which is why when he hugs you, you lean into him and accept his comfort.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about. You must have so many questions.” He mumbles into your hair.

“Not questions. I’m just curious about what I am to him.” You reply, whispering into Xiaojun’s shoulder.

“About what you are to him?”

“I know he’ll be the person I’m meant to love the most, and also the person who will hurt me the most. But am I the one that’s supposed to love him or the one that’s supposed to hurt him?”

“Lots of people say that they can feel it when they meet. Like Lucas, he said he instantly knew Yuqi was supposed to be his soulmate.” Xiaojun thinks back to all the people who have told him the exact same thing, even his parents.

“The guy… he kept calling me his soulmate. He sounded so sure about it, too.” You lean away from Xiaojun to look into his big and curious eyes.

“What about you? What did you feel?” He asks.

“It felt… like I left a part of myself with him.” Xiaojun’s eyes widened at that, “Is that crazy? I was only around him for a minute, maybe less, and I can’t stop thinking about how I never wanted to leave. It was so hard to walk away from him..” You trail off, feeling tears suddenly gather at the edges of your eyes.

“Xiaojun…” The edge in your voice makes him grab a hold on your hands, “I don’t want him to hurt me. I’m not ready for it.”

“Hey, hey…” Xiaojun squeezes your hands before gently guiding your face to his, meeting his eyes with your own, “He’ll hurt you eventually, yeah, but he’ll also be the person who is supposed to love you unconditionally. The person who is going to know you so well, better than yourself. Maybe you should see where he takes you in life? Destiny still wanted you to meet each other no matter what the end game is going to be… Are you really going to tell fate to fuck off?”

“Can’t I?” Your response makes Xiaojun laugh, which he apologises for laughing in a serious situation right after, but the mood is already broken and you laugh at yourself a bit as well.

“C’mon, let’s order something to eat and get your mind off of this, even if it’s just for a few hours.” Xiaojun pulls you off of the floor and reaches for his phone, trying to find the phone number to his favorite delivery place.

You sit on his bed once again, your hands limp in your lap and so much appreciation for Xiaojun in your chest. You probably would’ve gone insane if he wasn’t here for you. His suggestion on giving the guy you met today a chance plays like a record in your head, but the record scratches when you remember the promise you made to yourself a long time ago.

Don’t mess with him. He will only bring you pain in the end.

On Wednesday, Haechan is the first one out of his seat in his Music Theory 3 class, not even waiting for the slow Renjun and even slower Jaemin before sprinting out of the classroom and outside, waiting at the top of the staircase for your figure to appear at the bottom.

Students float up and down the stairs, but he doesn’t see you anywhere amongst them. Eventually, Renjun and Jaemin catch up to him, standing behind him and also staring down the long staircase.

“C’mon, Haechan, we need to go to our next class.” Renjun is the first one to step down, followed by Jaemin. Haechan takes a good look at everyone’s faces on his way down, getting some weird looks sent his way for staring, but he doesn’t care.

“Haechan.” Jaemin suddenly calls out, making his friend turn suddenly to look at him. Jaemin only nods his head to the bottom of the stairs where you just turned the corner. Despite his hurry from before, Haechan stops at the sight of you. His usual confidence is lost when he sees you climb the stairs. Now, he’s not sure if he should approach you.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Renjun nudges Haechan, but the younger only turns around to look at his friend.

“I don’t know what to say to her. What do I say to make her see I’m her soulmate?” Haechan asks, helplessness seeping into his words.

Renjun rolls his eyes; whenever his best friend needs to be the usual confident man he is, that’s when the confidence is most likely to drain out of him. Renjun shakes Haechan’s shoulders with a tight grip on his jacket, making some more people send the two of them some weird looks.

“She’s your soulmate, right? Fate already gave you everything you need to know about how to talk to her.” Renjun then pushes his friend towards your direction, “But for the love of god, don’t harass her.” Renjun ends with a pointed look and continues walking with Jaemin down the stairs.

Haechan slowly makes his way to you, crossing over to the middle of the staircase and stopping you in your tracks. You look up to inspect who it is that just stopped in front of you, and your surprise fades when you realize it’s the same guy from Monday.

“Hi.” He says simply. You only nod your head, lips pursed, and then move around him to continue walking to class.

“Wait…” Haechan calls after you, but you don’t stop this time. So Haechan keeps walking after you, only one step behind, “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you’re my soulmate. I’ve been waiting for you for so long—” You sharply turn to face him, making Haechan cut off and tilt his head up to look at you.

“How do you know I’m your soulmate? What if I’m not?” You ask. Haechan shakes his head softly at that, his golden hair moving over his sun-kissed skin as he does.

“That’s not possible.”

“How do you know?” You ask. Haechan loves how curiosity burns in your eyes. He takes longer than normal to speak only so that he can look over your features and memorize them to the best of his ability. Last night, he tried to recall your face but the image came out so blurry since he only saw you for a moment on Monday. He wants to clearly remember what you look like.

“How about I take you somewhere, and then I’ll tell you?” The proposition stuns you, and your burning curiosity makes you want to say yes. However, going anywhere with him would be breaking your promise to yourself, so you decide to forget it.

“Nevermind…” You mumble, turning around to walk up the stairs again.

“You seem like you really want to know how I’m sure we’re soulmates… Aren’t you curious?” Haechan asks, making you stop in your tracks again. This man has only known you for a day, only talked to you for a few moments, yet he already knows how to get you to do something. “I promise I won’t hurt you, and I’m not lying either.”

You take a moment to think about the proposition. You’re really curious about how he’s so sure that you’re soulmates. Sure, you know you’re soulmates, but why is he so sure you aren’t the person who’s supposed to hurt him? You consider taking up the offer, but can you stay strong to your own promise while being close to him?

Curiosity wins, and you turn back around to face him, nodding and making him smile widely. There’s that crinkle in his eyes again, that sparkle against the sun that makes saying yes to him so much more worth it.

“My friends call me Haechan, but you can call me Donghyuck. That’s my real name.” He sticks out his hand for you to shake. You once heard that physical touch brings soulmates together quicker; you’re not sure if that’s true, but you don’t want to test it.

“I’m ___.” You nod at him and grip onto your backpack straps instead of accepting his handshake.

“Haechan, hurry up or we’ll be late!” You both hear Renjun shout out from the bottom of the stairs, “And on our second day, too.” You hear him groan.

“Okay, ___, I’ll see you here at 7pm tomorrow night.” Haechan turns around to run back to his friends, sending you one last wave goodbye and almost tripping down the stairs as he does.

You take a deep breath and turn around to walk up the rest of the steps. You’re unsure if you did the right thing by agreeing to see him tomorrow night, but the deed is now done, and you can only wait for Donghyuck to quench your curiosity.

As promised, you meet Donghyuck at 7 o’clock sharp the next day. He’s already waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs.

“So, where are you taking me?” You ask after saying your hello’s.

“It’s a surprise.” He smiles and nods his head to make you follow him. He leads you through parts of campus you haven’t seen yet, the buildings looking older and older the further down the path you walk. Soon, Donghyuck takes a sharp turn into what looks like the middle of the forest but is really just a small, hidden extension of the trail.

Under a canopy of tall trees that wave with the wind to you and Donghyuck, there is a skinny trail that leads to glimmering water. It draws you in, your curiosity struck and your feet now moving on their own accord. Bushes tickle your ankles and the smell of some sort of flower you cannot identify floods your senses, but you can only keep walking towards the sparkling water.

The scene in front of you takes your breath away, a crisp gasp that you have no control over leaves your lips. The pond before you is big, stretching further than what you can see. The water is blue and the setting sun’s light reflects off of it to create rippling sparkles. There are some lily pads floating around, their flowers gone due to the temperature dropping recently.

You didn’t even notice that you stopped walking, your eyes wide as you take in the scenery before you. You almost forget who you’re with and why you came, but Donghyuck doesn’t let that happen. You snap out of it when he continues to walk along the trail that leads around the pond. You walk alongside Donghyuck, a few feet away with your hands awkwardly tucked into your pockets.

“C’mon, let’s sit.” He motions to a weeping willow tree. It’s tall and the branches sway pleasantly in the wind, completely unaware and indifferent to the years of history in the area. Underneath the tree is a sturdy bench, you sit on the left side while Donghyuck sits on the right side. Then, you both take a few moments to stare at the mesmerizing water that led you all the way to this seemingly magical place.

“Why did you bring me here?” You ask after a bit.

“Do you not like it?” Donghyuck asks back.

“No.” You quickly reply, looking over his side profile before turning back to the water, “I’m just curious.”

“Something in me knew you would like this place, that’s all.” Donghyuck replies while trying to hide his proud smile, looking down at the grass. “You’re curious about a lot of things, huh?”

“Yeah, I can’t help it. There’s just so much I want to know.” It’s easy to talk to him, a bit too easy. You have to keep reminding yourself that you’re supposed to have your guard up in front of him, but it’s proving harder than you thought it would be.

“Like how I’m sure that you’re my soulmate and not the person who is supposed to hurt me?” Donghyuck leans his weight away from you, his eyebrow cocked in a question. You nod your head lightly, playing with your hands on your lap.

“It’s because I’ve already met the person who’s supposed to bring me pain. I’ve already been hurt.” At his words, surprise fills you up and you turn your head to look him straight in the eye.

For some reason, you always thought that when people meet the person who brings them the largest amount of pain to their life, they couldn’t be the same ever again. How does one get hurt so badly, and still live on?

There are so many ways to hurt someone. Some people become bankrupt, some people lose all of their belongings, some people are even physically hurt by the person who has the same mark as them. How does a person go through any of that and still be themselves afterwards? More importantly, how did Donghyuck go through immense pain and still be able to smile at you like he is right here, right now?

“Here.” He begins to explain, pushing his pants around until you can see his second mark through one of the holes in his jeans, a sunflower on his knee, “My dad had the same mark as me.”

“Your…. Dad?” You ask, still confused.

“Mhmm,” He nods, now tracing the petals of the sunflower mark absentmindedly, “My parents immediately knew something was wrong when I was born. Why would a son and dad have the same mark? When I was growing up, he worked a lot, so I spent lots of time with my mom and grew closer to her. I don’t remember much from that time, but I do remember we were happy. We didn’t have a lot, but we had each other; that kind of feeling.” He looks over at you to see if you’re keeping up with the story. To Donghyuck’s surprise, you already have tears lining your eyes.

“Then one day, Dad comes home and tells us he lost his job. I remember my parents fought a lot the few weeks after that happened, mostly about how to raise me if they had no income. Dad would go out and look for work, but always came back with no luck. So eventually, my mom started working. For a while, the reason we could keep living was because of her.” Donghyuck swallows and pauses for a moment before continuing.

“And then one night, dad came home and told us he gambled. Everything, he gambled everything away. Even the little that we had, it wasn’t ours anymore. That night, my dad told me I was a mistake. My parents never meant to have me, and he said…” Donghyuck purses his lips for a moment. It had been a while since he thought about this. The scar on his heart still hurts when he picks at it. “... He said that he wished I had never been born. Then, we wouldn’t have been in that mess.”

“How old were you?” You speak up after a moment.

“Seven? Or eight.” He nods and sniffs his nose, looking down at his knee. The whole day, Donghyuck was preparing himself to tell you this story. He felt that the only way to get close to you was to open up like this first, to show you that he isn’t someone scary or bad. To Donghyuck’s surprise, telling this story hurts less now than it did earlier in this life. Maybe that means time is working, and his heart is being mended bit by bit.

Donghyuck leans his elbows against his knees, looking at the water once again while waiting for you to say anything. Are you still curious? What do you think of him now?

He was in no way prepared to feel your arms wrap around his waist in a hug, your head resting against his shoulder and your chest pressed against his side. He freezes for a moment, and then melts into your embrace completely. He’s overcome with lovesick softness for you, lightly griping the part of your arm that’s across his chest as his head turns to the side to press a kiss to the top of your head. It’s so quick that you don’t even have time to move away or to react. You just let it happen, as it’s supposed to be.

“You said that something in you knew I would like this place,” You mumble against him. He hears your voice straining with emotion, “Well, something in me knows that you need this right now.”

You and Donghyuck sit there until the sparkling water is no longer fueled by the sun’s light, but by the moon’s. It seems as though now you’ve touched Donghyuck, you never wanted to stop. You’re almost one hundred percent sure that it’s because of the soulmate bond, and a part of you nags at yourself for already chipping away at the promise you made to yourself when you were younger.

However, younger you never knew what it would be like to have a person sit in front of you and share a part of his past with you in an act of confidence and security. Your younger self never knew what it would be like to feel the same pain as someone else, and the pull you felt to touch him after sensing that physical affection would help ease that pain away.

Your younger self had no idea it was this easy to fall into a person, especially when you know they’ll catch you.

“God, I’m so sick and tired of Accounting. ___, I’m quitting school.” Xiaojun gravely tells you, his eyes not wavering from his computer screen.

“Shut up and do your homework, Jun.” You mumble, your eyes not leaving your own computer screen as you type up your Ethics essay. Three weeks into school and you’re already fully emerged in your classes. The newness of college has faded and now it’s time to start the next four years of studying endlessly for the future.

“Are you guys… okay? You haven’t moved over there in a few hours.” Mark asks from the other side of the room where he’s doing his own homework. He eyes you and your best friend from where you’re sitting on his bed, “Are you even comfortable?”

You and Xiaojun are sharing a blanket, he’s leaning against his headboard and you’re leaning against the wall. Your legs are thrown over his and several textbooks are scattered over the blanket. You’re not even sure which of these books are yours or his, or which papers laying in messy stacks belong to who.

“Yeah, I think we’re okay. We’ve been studying like this since high school.” Xiaojun answers, his fingers moving along his keyboard at the same time. You nod at Mark and he shakes his head, not understanding you two but accepting the answer.

You’re over at the guys’ dorm room enough that Mark is not surprised to see you here anymore, hanging out with Xiaojun or waiting for him to come back from class. It’s not that you don’t like your own dorm room, but it’s always so quiet in there since your roommate always studies at the library. You only hear her come into the room late at night when you’re on the verge of sleep, and when she leaves early in the morning before your alarm rings. Weekends are the same. You don’t really care, but you’ve started to hate the quiet, so you’re glad that Mark and Xiaojun don’t mind you chilling here.

“Argh,” Mark yawns and stretches after a few minutes, throwing his computer to the side and standing up, “I’m getting some snacks from the vending machine. You guys want anything?”

After you and Xiaojun answer with simultaneous shakes of your heads, which creeps Mark out, he leaves the room to get food. The room is silent for a few more moments until Xiaojun angles the lid of his laptop down to look at you.

“So… How’s the guy?”

“What guy?” You ask, still preoccupied with your essay.

“Your soulmate, ___, what other guy is there?” Xiaojun answers exasperatedly, “You never told me his name, so I don’t know what to call him. Actually, I haven’t heard you talk about him since the first day of classes. I was hoping you’d tell me what happened with him, but I guess I have to go digging up your dirt myself.” He rolls his eyes.

“His name is Haechan.” You answer, moving your computer to the side, “And I haven’t said anything to you about him because… I haven’t seen him in weeks.” You admit quietly.

“Huh? Didn’t you say you were meeting up so he could tell you why he’s sure you’re his soulmate?” You nod your head at the question, “So, what happened after that?”

“Well… I kinda, maybe, sort of…. have been avoiding him.” You answer quietly, stealing a glance at your best friend to see him staring at you blankly. When he sighs and reaches for his pillow, your eyes widen and you hold up your hands in front of you, spewing pleas and ‘wait’s. Xiaojun doesn’t care, though, flinging his pillow from behind him and into your face.

“Ow?” You whine after the pillow makes contact with your head and forces you to turn to face the other way, “Was that necessary?” You rub your nose, the part of your face that hurts worse from his attack. You’re used to Xiaojun doing this to you whenever you did something that both of you know you shouldn’t have so that you can “get some sense knocked into you, hopefully.”

“You’re so dumb. So, so dumb. Why would you avoid him.” It’s not a question, more of a confused statement to the general air. “You realize people would kill to meet their soulmate, right? People would do anything to be in your position, but you just hide away?”

“People would do anything to meet their soulmate, but people would also do anything to stay away from the person who shares their other mark.” You retaliate, “You don’t understand. To me, Haechan is both of those people.”

“There you go again, worrying about the future when you’re not even sure about what is going to happen. When will you stop worrying about something you can’t control and start thinking about today?” Xiaojun sounds so tired talking about this topic, a conversation you’ve had many times in your friendship. You wonder if he’s so tired of it, why he keeps bringing it up himself.

Before you can answer, the door to the room opens and Mark walks in, several snacks in his arms, “Hey, everyone, I hope it’s okay I brought a friend. He’s in the same major as me, just a year younger—”

“___?” Mark stops talking when his friend speaks, surprised that he already knows one of the people in the room. Your eyes widen, jaw slackening as you’re unable to even let out a peep from your mouth.

“You know each other?” Mark asks, looking between his two friends.

“Yeah, you could say I know my soulmate.” Donghyuck replies, making both Xiaojun and Mark’s eyes widen. You suddenly realize the situation you’re in: under a blanket with Xiaojun, your pajamas on, and your soulmate in front of you after you ghosted him for weeks. For the first time in a while, your eyes meet.

Donghyuck is mad. You can tell by how his fists are clenched and his jaw is tightened. Slowly getting out of the bed, you try to form some words, but Donghyuck snaps and walks over to you quickly. Grabbing your hand, he pulls you out of the room and down the hallway until you get to the lounge area. When you reach the empty room, that’s when you come to your senses.

“Donghyuck,” You pull your arm out of his, making him turn to face you, “I’m not even wearing shoes.” You hiss, pointing down to your feet as if to prove some point.

“What was all that?” He disregards your comment and hisses back at you, stepping closer so that you’re barely a few inches apart. “You were under a blanket. With some guy. Don’t you feel wrong doing that?” He asks, his hands now on his hips. You feel slightly like you’re being lectured to.

“That guy is my best friend.” You spit out.

“So, do you go around and do that to all of your guy friends?” Donghyuck chuckles vehemently, you can tell he’s angry and jealous, and that those emotions are clouding his brain at the moment. That doesn’t mean his words don’t hurt, though.

“Xiaojun and I have been best friends since we were in diapers. I’ve known you for three weeks, barely. I’m more comfortable around him than I am with you. You think just because I’m your soulmate, I’ll automatically trust you and we’ll all of a sudden be a happy couple? It doesn’t work like that, Donghyuck. I don’t even know you.” You can tell you hurt him by your last words because he turns silent, his shoulders slouching and his anger subsiding.

You can tell you hurt him, hard, because you feel the hurt, too.

It makes you realize how scary the bond between soulmates is. Even though you and Donghyuck haven’t spent that much time together to strengthen your bond, it’s still strong enough to allow you to feel his emotions. It makes you wonder if Donghyuck will be able to feel your pain in the future when he hurts you, like he’s destined to.

“Have you even tried to get to know me? You’ve been avoiding me ever since I took you to the pond.” At his comment, you fold your arms over your chest and look away, not ready to answer that question.

“I’m… just scared, is all.” You manage to reply. Although not the complete truth, it’s not a total lie. Donghyuck completely softens at your words, his close proximity to you feels less threatening and turns into something more gentle. His hand softly slips into yours, but this time with a lighter touch than before.

“You don’t have to be scared, not around me. I’m new to this too, so I don’t know how it all works yet, but this is something we can figure out together. That’s what we were fated to do.” Donghyuck can feel his words pulling you closer to him, he can feel you on the edge and he’s ready to catch you with his arms wide open.

But in the last second, you take a step back and slip your hand out of his, making his drop limply to his sides. You send him a look, something he can’t read, and then turn around and walk back to the dorm he pulled you out of.

He almost had you, almost.

When midterms come around, you use your upcoming tests and projects as a way to dive deep into your work so that you don’t have to think about Donghyuck. It’s a good plan overall, however your friends quickly start worrying for you and your health. Staying up late several nights in a row and not even being able to remember when the last time you ate is where Xiaojun pulled the plug on your bad studying habits. He confiscated your backpack and dropped you off in front of your dorm building with the promise that you’ll have all of your things back tomorrow morning only if you rest for tonight.

On your way to the elevator, you run into Yuqi, both of your facial expressions brightening when you recognize each other.

“Oh, ___, Hi!” You stop in the middle of the hallway to greet her, a smile pulling at your lips due to her bright hello. “How are you?”

“Midterms are kicking my ass, but other than that I’m fine.” She laughs at your answer, throwing her head back and letting her new short hair ruffle her shoulders.

“I wish I could tell you it gets better, but that would be a lie.” You nod your head in solemn understanding, “Listen, I can’t talk for long since I have a night class, but promise to text me when things slow down, yeah?”

“Of course, I promise.” You nod, just the thought of spending some time with a good friend already pushes away your stress. You wave bye to Yuqi as she begins to turn around but after a loud “oh!” leaves her lips, she turns back to face you.

“Your roommate, her name is Mya, right?” At her random question, you tilt your head in confusion, “She has really long, black hair and big glasses, right? I think I saw her when I was helping you move in?”

“Yeah, that’s her.” You nod, “Why?”

“She found her soulmate today.” You would’ve been more interested in the news if you knew Mya beyond when she goes to class and when she gets back to the dorm, but you feign surprise and nod your head absentmindedly.

“Lucas managed to get a video. It was a whole performance in the quad today, you’d think someone was getting married. I’ll send it to you later.” And with that, she says her last goodbye and runs off. You slowly turn and continue walking in a slow pace up to your dorm room, taking the stairs just so you can have some time to think and be away from people you could potentially run into if you use the elevator.

You’re genuinely happy for Mya, even if you barely know a single thing about her. However, something about a person close to you finding their soulmate makes you sad, considering the situation with your own soulmate. You can’t help but feel a little jealous that there are people who can meet their soulmate and fall into each other’s lives easily.

In times like these, you crave for Donghyuck.

You crave his touch and his words, you crave that comfortable feeling of belonging somewhere you get when he’s around. It’s insane that you haven’t spent much time together, yet you can yearn for someone to the extent that it hurts. It’s been like this ever since Donghyuck pulled you out of Xiaojun’s dorm and you rejected him.

Turning away from him all those weeks ago still haunts you. When you’re struggling to fall asleep, your mind goes to that night. When you let your mind wander, it wanders to that night. You constantly think about stepping away from him, but you’re not sure if you keep remembering the moment out of guilt or shame. One of the questions you keep asking yourself is if you did the right thing. You still do not have an answer.

When you walk into your dorm room, you kick off your shoes and turn on your bedside lamp, falling onto your bed with a deep sigh. You close your eyes for a second, but the peace and quiet of your room is ruined when your phone dings with a notification.

Yuqi’s message pops up, and when you swipe your phone open you can see she sent a video. You click on it and turn the volume up. This was no doubt taken earlier today in the quad, the sun shining and lots of professors and students walking in the background. Under the huge clock tower stand two people, one of them holding a large bouquet of roses. When the clock strikes noon, the bells on top of the tower begin to ring a familiar melody that can be heard all over your big campus. You see the exchange of the bouquet and the two people hug, and then applause rises from the people walking by. You smile when you hear Lucas’ whooping and hollering from behind the phone.

You’ve heard about the tradition of soulmates meeting under the clock tower at your university. Yuqi told you about it when she was giving you a tour around campus at the beginning of the semester. You remember her telling you that it’s really romantic, probably due to the history of so many people getting together in the exact same spot.

Although the idea is rather plain, you do feel your heart strings tug at the beautiful display, glad you could see something like this through a video. Then, as the camera gets closer to the couple, your smile fades and you pause the video, zooming in to get a better view. Mya is no doubt the one who received the flowers, but you can’t help but furrow your eyebrows as you recognize her soulmate.

It’s one of Donghyuck’s friends.

Not the quiet one with black hair that hangs around on the outside of their group, but the shorter one who seemed to simultaneously love and hate Donghyuck, or at least that’s what you gathered from seeing him a few times.

After the realization, you drop your phone to the side and stare up at your ceiling in defeat. Is this fate? If you didn’t meet Donghyuck on those steps two months ago, would you eventually meet him through your roommate and her soulmate? Or is this all just one big coincidence?

In this world, coincidences are harder to find than the work of fate.

Your train of thought is quickly cut off by the opening on the door, you quickly sit up to watch a huge red bouquet of flowers enter the room, followed by your roommate. You’ve only seen her face a few times this semester, but never have her features looked so bright and happy. She also looks startled when she notices you’re in the room, but her happiness doesn’t fade.

“Oh? You’re here?” She asks.

“I could ask you the same thing.” You both chuckle awkwardly, “Congrats, by the way. For finding your soulmate.” You motion to the flowers in her hand.

“Thank you! To be honest, Renjun wasn’t at all what I expected in a soulmate, but I think I love him already.” The sweetness drips from her eyes and words, and you nod and smile, remembering that Donghyuck’s friend’s name is Renjun. Her phone begins to ring and she shuffles the flowers in her hand to look at the screen, “Oh, it’s him.”

She answers the call, speaking quietly as she walks over to her side of the room. You weigh out the options of sneaking out of your dorm and finding a place to chill until your roommate falls asleep. You're not sure if you can talk to her about soulmate stuff and keep up this happy look on your face.

However, all thoughts of those plans leave your mind when Mya turns to you and holds out the phone, “It’s for you?” She says it more like a question, but you’re sure you’re the one who’s more confused.

“Hello?” You ask into the phone, awkwardly looking around the room.

“___? Oh, thank god. It’s Renjun, Haechan’s friend. I need your help.” He talks quickly and shallowly, like he’s out of breath and currently moving somewhere.

“How did you know I’m Mya’s roommate?” You ask, disregarding his cry for help.

“It’s a long story, I promise I’ll explain later, but can you please come to the auditorium? The back entrance.” You hear more voices in the background of the call, but you can’t make out what they're saying. One of them is definitely Donghyuck.

“What’s going on?” At the sound of your soulmate’s unique tenor, you suddenly become more aware of what might be happening. Is Donghyuck safe? Did he get in trouble?

“Donghyuck drank too much and he won’t go home, he keeps asking for you.” At that, you hand the phone back to Mya, who takes it from you with an unsure look. By the time Mya says her worried goodbyes and hangs up, she turns back to an empty dorm room, your phone snatched from your bed and your scattered shoes gone.

You must’ve made it to the auditorium in record time, not even the climb up the 109 steps could slow you down. When you reach the auditorium, you can hear Donghyuck and his friends conversing loudly and you follow their voices, which eventually leads you to the dingy backside of the auditorium. Donghyuck is sitting on the ground with the hood of his coat pulled up and covering his eye sight, arms crossed over his chest and his lips in a pout. His two friends, Renjun and the black-haired kid, stand above him. The quiet one is shivering in his spot while Renjun practically yells at Donghyuck on the ground, who doesn’t seem to be moving any time soon.

“Hi, ___.” The quiet one notices you first and then all three guys turn to look at you.

“___…” Donghyuck whines out your name and tries to stand up but Renjun gently pushes him back down.

“What happened?” You ask, sniffing your nose when the harsh, cold air nips at it.

“He said he wanted to unwind before his midterms tomorrow but then he went out and had some drinks, a few too many as you can see.” Renjun explains, “We followed him here, he said he won’t go anywhere unless it’s with you.”

“It’s strange. Haechan is a good drinker, I didn’t think he would get drunk so quickly… Oh, I’m Jaemin, by the way.” He introduces himself with a bright smile, as if you weren’t just discussing the drunken state of his friend.

“I’m Renjun, I called you earlier. I promise I have a good explanation for how I know you’re Mya’s roommate, I just don’t think right now is the best time to talk about it.” Renjun explains, his hands pointing towards Donghyuck.

“Right, about him… I think you guys should leave.” Both sober men widen their eyes, looking at each other and then back at you.

“Are you sure you want to handle this yourself? He looks small, but Haechan is kind of heavy.” Jaemin warns.

“Hey!” Donghyuck speaks up, but even his verbalization sounds slurred. When he points an accusing finger at Jaemin, he sways and misses Jaemin’s figure by a whole foot, “Don’t say that kind of stuff to my girlfriend.”

At his use of the word, Jaemin and Renjun stand straight with awkwardness and you sigh, white puffs of air leaving your mouth, “Yeah, you guys should go.”

Renjun and Jaemin give you an unsure look, but turn around and leave the area anyway. Renjun sends one last look over his shoulder with a wave of his hand. You look at Donghyuck after they turn the corner, kicking his shoe gently.

“Hey, get up. How much did you drink?” You’re not actually curious about how much alcohol he consumed, you just want to know if he can even respond to simple questions.

“Babe!” He exclaims when he looks up, “Oh, not much. I could go for another round right now, actually.” His words slur together and he sways in his sitting position against the brick wall of the auditorium.

“You’re not going for another round, you’re going home. C’mon.” You grab onto the sleeve of his puffer jacket, pulling him up so that he’s standing. He immediately falls onto you, his arms around your waist and his legs spread wide so that his head is hidden in your neck.

“Hyuck, you have to walk. Get up.” You pull him up once again, putting one of his arms around your shoulders and giving him more support around his waist. Slowly, you begin to walk away from the auditorium with Donghyuck’s drunk mumbling filling the cool air. His legs barely work underneath him, and he turns his head and leans into your ear every once in a while to sing some random lyric that pops into his mind at that second, like a small concert that he allows only you to hear.

Once you reach the top of the staircase, you stop and take a long look down to the bottom, “Why did you have to come all the way up here? How are we getting down the stairs?” If you start to climb down, Donghyuck could fall and hurt himself. You’re not that strong to begin with and your shoulders are already feeling sore from carrying most of Donghyuck’s weight.

“We can ride this.” He giggles and breaks away from you, one of his legs swinging over the handrail so that he’s straddling it.

“No, no, no.” You pull him off, but his shoe gets caught against the rail and he comes falling down onto you, both of you landing on the top step of the staircase. You wince in pain at how your back hits the concrete, but you don’t think about it much as you push Donghyuck off of you and into the space next to you on the top stair.

“Oh, no. Are we stuck up here?” He asks as you brush your hands together to get rid of the little pieces of concrete in your skin.

“Yes, and it’s all your fault. What are you gonna do about it?” You reply, so sarcastically that even Donghyuck’s drunk brain registers the joke. Your heart almost leaps out of your throat when he grabs your hands and pulls you closer to him, gently picking out each little ball of cement in your palms.

“I’m sorry I keep hurting you.” He apologizes. This close, you can smell the alcohol in his breath, mixed with his shampoo and cologne. He smells warm in this cold weather, and you feel like falling into him and drinking up his scent, not even minding the alcohol stench.

“Keep hurting me?” You ask.

“Yeah, that must be why you don’t want to be with me. I have to be doing something wrong for you to hate me.” He sighs, sniffling and enclosing your hands in his, his glassy eyes looking up at you and his long hair hangs down over his forehead and tickles his eyelashes. “I’m a bad soulmate.”

The way he says it makes your heart break. It makes you feel regret 1000 times worse than what you’ve been feeling these past few weeks; as if all of the worry and sadness hit you all at once, you feel like crying.

Isn’t he supposed to be the one who hurts you? Why does it feel like you’re the only one doing the hurting?

“You’re not a bad soulmate,” It’s not Donghyuck’s fault that he got stuck with you, or that things will turn out the way that they’re destined to, “And I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t?” He looks up into the night sky and sways a bit as he thinks, “Then why won’t you be with me? Hm?” He tilts his head, his lips pouting as he thinks. You desperately want to find an answer that’ll soothe him, but nothing you can come up with will give you that result, the truth included.

“It’s complicated…” You trail off, and your answer makes Donghyuck snort.

“How? I’m your soulmate, you’re mine. What else matters?” He laughs incredulously.

“What if you’re not just my soulmate?” You ask him, surprising yourself with how easily you can ask the question, probably because the influence of alcohol over him has you more at ease, “What if something happens in the future? I’m just… looking out for me, and for you.” You explain, trying to sound as vague as possible.

When you glance at Donghyuck, he looks dead serious. You think that maybe he has suddenly sobered up with how deep and calculating his eyes look. One of his hands tighten around yours while the other slowly raises to your hair, pacing himself along the way, and pausing before he touches you. When you don’t stop him, he gently caresses your hair and moves it away from your face, his nimble fingers sliding to your jaw. He moves your face so that your eyes meet his.

“I know I’m drunk, but I can make this promise again when I’m sober. I’ll make this promise every single day for the rest of my life, only if it means you can be there with me to fulfill it.” The severeness in his tone is like a wake up call about how serious this is for him.

“What promise?” You whisper back.

“It’s not just a ‘you’ or just a ‘me’ now. It’s an ‘us.’ And I will do everything I can to not hurt us.”

He says it with so much conviction that you somehow believe him. You finally fall into him and rest your tired head on his shoulder as he welcomes you into his warm arms. Maybe it’s foolish of you to think you two can go against fate’s words, but with him by your side, you feel like you can conquer the whole universe.

“Stop smiling like that, you’re making it very obvious that you got laid for the first time.” Donghyuck peers over his laptop screen to Renjun, where he has had a permanent smile on his face ever since he, Donghyuck, and Jaemin met up today to study in the lounge center of their dorm building.

“You know, Haechan, I’m not even mad at that. It’s more than what I can say to you.” Renjun tries to hide his widening smile while looking down at his own laptop, but that paired with Jaemin’s quiet laughter leaves Donghyuck bitter. “Didn’t you and ___ make up?” Renjun asks.

“They were fighting? I thought they just weren’t talking to each other?” Jaemin asks.

“Isn’t that fighting?”

“Kids.” Haechan cuts them off, “Not that it’s any of your business, but we were not fighting and we did make up.”

“That makes no sense.” Jaemin mutters and squints his eyes at Donghyuck.

“I’m older than you.” Renjun retaliates, but Donghyuck pretends like he doesn’t hear.

“We’re just… taking it slow.” Donghyuck ends his explanation with a firm nod of his head, and Renjun shuts his laptop and turns to his friend.

“Can you take it slow during the Fair this weekend? I’m planning to go with Mya and accidentally bought two pairs of tickets. I’ll give you the other pair.” Renjun leans into his friend’s side and wiggles his eyebrows.

“At what cost?” Haechan leans in as well and raises an eyebrow.

“Help me with my English project.”

“No way,” Haechan leans back and focuses on his own laptop screen again, “I haven’t even started mine, I don’t have time to help you with yours.”

“Please,” Renjun draws out the word, grabbing Donghyuck’s sleeve and tugging at it so hard that he can’t properly type, “I suck at English, and unfortunately it’s the only thing that you’re better at than me.”

“The only thing?” Donghyuck glares at Renjun. “Now I’m definitely not helping you.” When Renjun whines at that Donghyuck gets a devilish idea, and it shows by the smirk on his face, “... Unless, you’d like to show us how you really need help.”

At Donghyuck’s proposition, he leans back in his chair with his arms folded across his  chest while Jaemin mirrors his actions, his own goofy smile on his face as he waits for Renjun to either accept or deny the proposition, but he hopes he’ll accept it.

Renjun looks between his two friends and sighs, dropping his head down as he mentally prepares himself. When he lifts his head, he looks at Donghyuck with his lips pursed, his pointer finger over them and makes a “kyu” sound that is way higher than his original speaking voice. Jaemin and Haechan immediately burst into as quiet of laughter as they can, Jaemin reaching over the table to poke Renjun’s cheek at his cuteness.

“I never said to act cute, I just wanted you to say please again.” Donghyuck jokes through his snickering, and Renjun immediately stands up from his chair to take a fistful of Haechan’s jacket and pull back his other fist, all cuteness gone from his facial features in a split second.

“Okay, okay, sorry, sorry.” Haechan tries to pull away, his voice rising as Renjun holds onto his jacket tighter and threateningly leans in.

“Hey, quiet down.” Someone whisper-shouts from a few tables away, and it makes Renjun let go of Donghyuck and slowly sit back down. “This isn’t even a library, why are they shushing me.” He grumbles.

“You guys have fun on your date,” Jaemin sighs as he begins to put away his things, satisfied with the study session and with his friends' mischief, “I would go too, but I don’t feel like being a fifth wheel.”

Once your classes end on the day of the Fair, you and your roommate meet up with Donghyuck and Renjun outside of the Fair grounds. You and Donghyuck walk side by side, a bit behind the other couple as they lead the way, practically in their own little bubble. Your hands are shoved in your pockets to keep them from turning numb from the cold and you try to shove your head as far into your jacket as you can to keep your face and neck protected from the wind. Other than the chilly weather, it’s a perfect day for a Fair.

You don’t seem to notice Donghyuck’s predicament right beside you; he’s trying to find a way to hold your hand, but you don’t move them out of your pockets. Actually, Donghyuck is sure you’re doing this on purpose, since he has been trying to touch you the moment you met up with him tonight.

“So, what do you wanna ride first?” He asks you. After looking around the area, your eyes land on a tea cup ride, where the large cups move in circles and also spin in their spots.

“That.” You point to it. Before you can move, Donghyuck latches into your hand that was pointing into the air and pulls you to the ride, a smug smile on his face at how he succeeded in finally sharing some skin to skin contact.

The ride was, to say the least, nauseating. Not that it was disgusting, but Donghyuck wouldn’t stop spinning your individual cup around in fast circles, and you were so sure that you would fling off any second due to the strong velocity those tiny cups have when they go at full speed. However, walking off of the ride with wobbly legs and not being able to see straight was funnier than you thought it would be.

Donghyuck was actually still pretty dizzy when he tried to win a stuffed octopus for you with a dart game. However, he ended up losing $15 while trying to win the game, and you’re sure he would’ve spent more if you didn’t pull him away. After eating some good food and refilling your energy, the sun begins to set on the horizon in a colorful display of red, orange and pink, and people start to make their way to the ferris wheel.

“C’mon,” You hear Mya say from behind you, “We need to get in line first or else we’ll be waiting for half of the night.” She pulls Renjun by his sleeve and passes you and Donghyuck, practically running to the end of the growing line for the Ferris Wheel. When you see where she’s running to, you stop in your tracks which in turn makes Donghyuck stop. Your intertwined fingers pull you back to each other as he looks at you with a puzzled look.

“I’m… not good with heights.” You confess and look towards the top of the ferris wheel, shivering just at the thought of going that far up into the sky in a metal contraption, “Or small spaces…” You add on.

“That’s okay,” Donghyuck gently reassures, smiling lightly at your sudden timidness about your fears. Honestly, he’s just happy you now trust him a bit more to even tell him what you’re afraid of. “We don’t have to go. We can do something else.”

“Like what?” You ask. Donghyuck purses his lips and looks around, until a set of stairs on the edge of the fairgrounds catches his eye.

“I know a place where we can still get a good view of the sunset without going too far up.” He replies and tugs you along with him towards the set of stairs. They lead down to the park that’s nestled in the middle of your University, which eventually leads to a pedestrian bridge that crosses over a river that runs through your town.

The river isn’t that big, nor is the bridge, but it’s big enough to have your head tilting up in wonder as you gaze at the lights adorning the sides of it, lighting up not only the bridge itself by the sky as well. You’ve seen this bridge from your dorm room, but you’ve never once stood on it, and it looks remarkable from this close up.

Donghyuck continues to lead you over the pedestrian bridge onto the other side, where an outdoor museum that was constructed by art students a few years ago holds several different abstract paintings. His hand in yours, which has been it’s resting place all night, keeps yours warm. You try not to think about how your hands fit into each other like the gears of a hand-crafted watch. The lines on your palms connect with the lines on his; it’s painfully obvious he was made for you and you were made for him.

When you reach the end of the outdoor museum, you turn west and face the sunset just as it’s setting over the skyline. Even though some tall buildings obstruct the view, the colors of the sky stretch overhead and make both you and Donghyuck stand still and appreciate the artwork in the sky.

“You like these kinds of things, huh? Sunsets, and ponds, and that kind of stuff?” He suddenly asks, not talking his eyes off of the sky. You, however, turn to look at him. He has his eyes screwed as he tries to look at the sunset, obviously not liking the bright sunlight.

“You don’t?” You ask back.

“I think... there are more enjoyable things.” Donghyuck takes a while to make up his mind about what he wants, obviously trying not to make the things you enjoy sound bad to him.

“Then we should go.” You turn around, but he pulls you back to your original spot.

“We walked all this way, we’re watching this sunset even if my feet freeze to the ground.” He tightens his grip on your hand and speaks through his teeth, making you sputter out a laugh and hit his shoulder with your own lightly.

“Sometimes, I wonder why fate put us together.” You ask, watching as the sun moves bit by bit, leaving behind trails of light and the beginnings of stars and the vast universe on the other side of the sky. “We’re different. I don’t know about you, but you are not who I imagined my soulmate would be.” You speak truthfully.

Even though there are some strings attached to Donghyuck’s relationship with you, it didn’t stop you from thinking about what kind of person he’d be— what kind of person fate would pick to be your perfect fit. Maybe they would have some sort of major flaw, like an anger problem or a lack of common sense. Maybe they would be an alcoholic or someone who commits crimes.

When it came to your soulmate, you always thought of something bad considering that they were also going to hurt you in some way. You never thought that your soulmate would be someone as unique and fun as Donghyuck. Fate made it way too easy to be with him, and you’re not sure whether to feel bitter or thankful.

“Well,” He blows some air through his nose, “You’re exactly what I thought my soulmate would be like” Your heart jumps into your throat and beats irregularly when Donghyuck says that, struck with the feeling of surprise once again.

“Mark tells me you’re smart and get good grades, and I know it was you who ordered that soup for me the morning after you took me home when I got drunk. Not to mention, you went out when it was dark to take me home in the first place.” Donghyuck explains, his hand that’s still interlocked with yours waving around as he does so, “You’re willing to help others, you have a good head on your shoulders, and not to mention you guard your heart to the very end.”

“Guarding my heart… That’s an admirable quality? If I remember correctly, it caused you some pain in the past few months.” By now, the last rays of the sun are disappearing over the horizon and night begins to blanket the sky. You turn to your soulmate when he takes more than a moment to answer, watching the way his face reacts to the thoughts turning in his head.

“Yeah, it is a great quality. I think if you completely trusted me the moment you saw me on those stairs, we wouldn’t end up here now. You wouldn’t be the perfect fit for me if you loved me so easily.” He turns to you, a teasing smile playing on his lips. Your interlocked fingers are basically frozen together at this point and maybe your feet really have stuck to the ground, but his words warm you up from the inside out.

“I think I would’ve fallen in love with you even if we weren’t destined to be together.”

Somehow, he manages to remind you of one very important fact that you’ve set aside since the moment you met him. You’ve always put the fact that he’s supposed to hurt you first, and the fact that he’s your soulmate second. However, he is a human and so are you, and you’re both given the opportunity to love one another wholly and truly. People die to have this type of moment. People live their whole lives without experiencing this type of emotion.

It’s time to remember that Donghyuck is your soulmate, first and foremost. He is deserving of love, and you’re now willing to give it to him.

When you pull Donghyuck into you, he feels like it may be a hallucination. Surely your lips can’t be that close to his own. But when he smells the cinnamon on your lips from that churro you had and your fingers sliding up his arm to grip his jacket, he becomes scared that this might actually be a hallucination.

You slowly lean in, almost painfully slow, but Donghyuck doesn’t dare rush you. When your lips do meet, both of you feel complete. The feeling of finishing a lifetime’s worth of work with one gentle kiss is the most delicious feeling ever, different from anything that either of you have ever experienced.

It’s slow and careful, but passionate and full of true love. No matter what happens in the future, it will always be your memory to savor and remember for the rest of your lives.

“___!” You hear Mark’s voice from your right, turning your head quickly to see him stick his hand up in the air and begin to make his way through the throngs of people between you two. You move towards him, attempting to meet in the middle, but somehow he ends up behind you, and you laugh as you attempt to meet again.

“Hey, Mark,” You look over him, noting how well he manages to pull off the choir robe that everyone else seems to look like a sack of potatoes in, “I didn’t know your concerts could get this packed. You guys could start your own group and make it big.” You look around while adjusting the flowers in your hand so they don’t get squished against your chest.

“Nah, it’s mostly just families that come to these concerts. Since there are a lot of vocal majors, there are a lot of families that show up.” He explains.

“So, what does that make me?” You joke, but Mark doesn’t seem to get it and tilts his head to the side.

“You’re Donghyuck’s girlfriend. That makes you family, right?” At the mention of your relationship, you glance down at the flowers in your hand, the flowers that are meant for the aforementioned boy. You nod, mumbling something like a ‘I guess’ before Mark looks down at his watch and sucks a breath through his teeth.

“Okay, I have to go warm up. Make sure you get a seat in the middle, that’s where it sounds best.” He gives you a quick wave as he walks away, and you manage to send one back. Before you know it, the doors to the auditorium open and people flood in to grab the best seat they can.

You barely manage to snag a seat in the middle, an older lady to your right and a grandpa to your left who seem to be unrelated and didn’t mind you sitting between them. You shrug off your coat as you look around, feeling anxiety build up in your chest. You know you don’t have anything to be anxious for, so you deduct that it’s probably Donghyuck.

He invited you to the concert today. For him, it’s part of his final grade for his vocal class and for you, it’s a chance to see him sing on stage. Strangely, he has talked about how much he loves to perform but never wants to sing in front of you. When he told you he auditioned for a solo in one of the songs, and ended up getting the part, you knew you absolutely had to come today.

Pulling out your phone, you send Donghyuck a text saying that you’re seated and that you wish him to break a leg. You see the read receipt pop up next to your text, and although he doesn’t text anything back, the anxious feeling in your chest subsides and you smile to yourself.

“Those are pretty flowers.” Turning your head to the lady on your right, you glance down at the bouquet of black-eyed susans on your lap.

“Oh, thank you.” You put your phone on silent and slip it into your pocket.

“They’re my mom’s favorite.” Your attention turns to a kid who sits on the other side of the woman. He can’t be any older than ten, and his feet don’t touch the ground as he swings them back and forth and looks up at his mother.

“Oh?” You ask, turning back to the older woman, “Would you like some?”

The woman seems to be stunned by your question, obviously not expecting you to hand over flowers at such a comment from her son. She looks almost flustered as she shakes her head at you.

“No, it’s okay. I bet those are for someone special?” She asks while nodding towards the stage.

“They’re for my… boyfriend.” You mumble, still not used to the words leaving your tongue, even though it has been more than a few weeks now.

“Then you should save them for him.” She nods and you smile back.

“But I want one.” The woman’s son pouts, and the mother nudges her foot against his leg. You laugh a bit, using your right hand to hold down the bouquet and your left to pull out a flower. Carefully, you hand it over to the little boy and he grasps it, his pout turning into a smile while he sings a ‘thank you’ and counts the petals on the flower.

The woman gives you a nod, and you all turn to face forward where the students are beginning to walk onto the stage.

The concert went well; you weren’t familiar with any of the pieces of music the choir performed, and many of them were in different languages, but you still enjoyed the performance by the many music students from your university. You managed to catch sight of Donghyuck fairly quickly, and Mark was just a few rows behind him.

Donghyuck’s solo fit his voice perfectly. Maybe you’re biased, but you think no one would be able to match his tone and technique to fit the song as perfectly as he did. Since it was the first time you heard him sing, you were a bit taken back by how amazing his voice sounds and how much control he has of it. It didn’t look like he struggled to hit the notes, and he looked like he was in his element on stage.

After the concert, you wait on the staircase outside of the auditorium building where you agreed to meet up with Donghyuck. You roll on your feet, jumping up and down slightly to keep warm. You clutch the flowers to you, scared that the cold weather might cause them to bend and begin to wilt quicker.

“Oh, it’s the flower lady!” You hear a familiar voice call out, and you turn your head to see the little boy and his mom from earlier… walking with Donghyuck? He has his choir robe hanging from one arm and his other hand intertwined with the little kid.

“Do you guys know each other?” Donghyuck asks, looking between the three of you with confusion.

“We happened to sit next to each other during the concert.” The woman explains, a grin growing on her face as she looks between you two. “This is your soulmate.” She doesn’t say it like a question, she says it plainly and nods her head in content.

“I’m sorry, did you already know who I was when we met?” You ask her.

“No, until I saw the mark on your left hand. I would recognize my own son’s mark anywhere.” Son? This is Donghyuck’s mother?! Your eyebrows must be up to your hairline and you think your mouth might be open, but you can only focus on remembering every little thing you said to her before the concert started to recall if you said anything dumb.

“Let me introduce you properly. This is ___, my soulmate and my girlfriend. ___, this is my mom, Sara, and my half-brother, Hyunjin.” Donghyuck gently takes your elbow and pulls you closer to him.

“It’s nice to meet you.” You politely greet them as if it’s the first time ever.

“Well, I like her. She gave me a flower.” Hyunjin exclaims.

“Back off, she’s mine.” Donghyuck jokes with the kid. “Thank you guys for coming today, by the way.” He continues, “I appreciate my favorite people being here for my first college performance.”

Donghyuck goes to hug his mom as she sets a kiss to his cheek that makes him cringe away slightly. However, you’re still struck to your spot from being included into Donghyuck’s group of favorite people. There’s a warm feeling in your chest at being included into something so special so early on in your relationship. There’s also some anxiety that comes with it, since promises that are made too early hurt the most, but you push the feeling away and soak in Donghyuck’s unconditional love.

After you all bid farewell to each other, and Sara and Hyunjin leave, you turn to Donghyuck with a deadpan expression, “You didn’t tell me I’d be meeting your family today.”

“Would you believe me when I say that I forgot they were coming?” He asks and you roll your eyes, not believing his words at all.

“These are for you.” You push the flowers into his chest and dig your hands into your pockets so that they can finally get warm, “Your solo was… interesting to listen to.” You say with annoyance dripping from every word.

“Thank you,” He replies cutely, not affected by your irritation. You roll your eyes again, but a smile tugs at your lips as well. “What kind of flowers are these? I don’t think I’ve ever seen them?” He asks while digging his nose into the bouquet.

“Black-eyed susans.” You reply, and Donghyuck gives you a weird look.

“That’s such a random flower.”

“They attract dragonflies.” You explain, nudging his side with your elbow. When you glance over to him, he has a smile playing on his lips.

“Should I be giving these to you, then?” He hands them over, but you push them back at him.

“No way. I’m already attracted to you.” You state, turning around to walk back down the staircase. When you don’t hear any footsteps following you, you turn around to find Donghyuck kneeling over with the flowers clutched close to him.

“Are you okay?” Alarm rises in your chest, especially when he shakes his head at your question.

“No, you just made my heart beat really fast and I’m afraid I’m gonna have a heart attack.” You would roll your eyes again, but you’re afraid they might roll out of your head at this point. You climb back up the stairs and yank on his sleeve jacket to make him walk alongside you.

“___, feel my heart. I swear it’s going to beat out of my chest.”

“Shut up, Donghyuck.”

“No, seriously, I think we should go to the hospital.”

“Shut up.”

In the morning, Donghyuck loves to wake up next to you. He has always been a spread-out type of sleeper; arms to the side, legs open, laying diagonally across the bed. Once you two moved out of your dorms and moved into an apartment together during your second year of college, Donghyuck’s way of sleeping changed dramatically.

Now, he can’t help but snuggle in, wrap his arms around you, tangle his legs in with yours, and do everything he can to sleep as close as he can to you. Maybe that’s why he suddenly woke up. The absence of you next to him made him shuffle awake, missing the frame of your body next to his like how it usually fits.

He groggily opens his eyes and immediately shivers, catching the open windows in the bedroom letting in fresh, cool, morning air. Donghyuck shivers once again, blindly reaching for the blanket and wrapping it around his head and shoulders, then making his way out of the bedroom in search of you.

He checks the kitchen, but you’re not there. Then he goes to the living room, and he sees your figure outside on the balcony, the curtains that are supposed to be hanging up in your bedroom moving with the wind as they hang next to you. He tightens the blanket around him and opens the glass door. Even though you definitely heard him come outside, you don’t turn around. You have a cup of something warm next to you and you’re leaning against the balcony while staring out into the city skyline, watching the sun rise into the sky to welcome the new day.

“Good morning.” Donghyuck mumbles as softly as he can. When you mumble back a reply, he opens the front of the blanket so he can swallow you into his embrace. His chin rests on your shoulder and tries to guess exactly what you’re looking at, but when he lifts his head to look at your face, your eyes are closed.

“So, do you want to tell me why our curtains are out here and not on our windows like they should be?” He rests his head against yours, also closing his eyes.

“I woke up and suddenly felt the urge to clean them, I don’t know.” You laugh a bit, making both of you move with the movement of your chest. Donghyuck smiles at your reason; one of the things he learned about you when you moved in together is that your work ethic comes in random bursts of energy, rather than carefully planned out schedules to follow. You always have a small goal for every day, and sometimes you don’t even know what it is until it randomly pops into your head. Although he doesn’t really understand how you’re able to work like that, he loves this little quirk anyway.

“Did I wake you up?” You whisper and nudge your head into Donghyuck’s, nuzzling back into him when a particularly strong gust of wind blows over the balcony.

“Not technically, no. You not being next to me woke me up.” He replies.

“Well, I’m here now. How about we sleep some more?” You ask, leaning back against him and looking at his face.

“Best thing I’ve heard today.” He sighs. Without letting you out of his blanket trap, he walks you both back into the apartment and into your bedroom, both of you beginning to giggle at one point when you almost trip over the blanket and crash into the ground.

Thankfully, you both made it back safely to the bed, falling into the soft mattress. Immediately, Donghyuck gathers you in his arms and cuddles you to him, almost like he’s latching onto you. You wrap your arms around him slowly and lean into his shoulder, placing a kiss against his collarbone. You were going to stop there, but when he lets out a whimper at the small press of your lips to his skin, you continue moving up his neck.

When you reach the space underneath his ear, he twitches at how you suck on the sensitive skin, not expecting you to pay closer attention there. His hand slides over your back, between your shoulder blades, and back down, pressing you to him as he caresses you and silently hopes you don’t stop what you’ve started.

You don’t seem to have any intention to do that when you lean back, looking up at Donghyuck’s big, round eyes as they stare down hazily at you and quickly connecting your lips. He kisses back slowly, as if taking his sweet, sweet time in loving you.

“I thought we were supposed to sleep?” You ask between kisses.

“We can sleep later…” He trails off, grabbing your hand and pulling you on top of him so that you’re straddling his hips. “... If you’re really tired we don’t have to.” He suddenly pulls away, his hand comfortably resting over your waist.

“No way. It’s too late for that.” You answer, pulling your shirt over your head and tossing it to the other side of the bed. A chill runs through you at the cold temperature in the room, goosebumps forming over your arms and your nipples hardening. Donghyuck wraps his arms around your middle and presses a kiss in the valley of your chest, moving over until he reaches your left nipple and taking it into his mouth.

Biting your lip, your hands find his hair and tug on the long strands. Donghyuck’s hands squeeze your sides and his fingers draw random, little lines over your bare skin as he sucks and plays with your nipples, switching between each one.

“Hyuck…” You whine, giving a particularly sharp tug to his hair when he bites down onto your right nipple. “Please…” You trail off.

“Hmm? Please what? What do you want.” He leans back and looks up at you. You comb your fingers through his hair, pushing it back away from his face and behind his ears. His eyes are clouded and hooded over by the thoughts of you that are speeding through his mind.

“Please, make love to me.” You say it shyly, your eyes looking over his face but not meeting his own. He can’t help but smile at your timidness. You act like it’s the first time those words came out of your mouth. He can’t help but find it endearing how you ask him to make love to you every single time you find yourselves in this position.

“Of course, anything for you.” He connects your lips again, keeping the slow and steady pace from before. He shifts around as he moves his boxers away. Breaking the kiss, you move his hands away and pump his shaft, glancing up at him as he leans back with his weight on his hands and his head leaning back.

He lets out whines every time you twist your wrist, and you almost want to take a moment and stay this way, loving the sounds coming from Donghyuck’s mouth and how he looks as he pants beneath you. However, the tension growing between your legs makes you stop and sit up, pulling off your own pajama bottoms and underwear, throwing them somewhere along with your shirt.

Donghyuck grips your hips with one hand, the other pressing his middle finger to your slick folds, watching you squirm from above as he slides his finger through slowly.

“Just— Can you just do something already?” You almost whine out, grabbing onto his arm hard enough that you leave crescent moons in his skin.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure.” With your permission, Donghyuck positions himself at your entrance and slowly brings your hips down, watching your reaction throughout it all. The way your jaw slacks and drops open to the way you swallow when your hips meet with his, closing your eyes in pleasure at how he manages to fit inside you so perfectly. When everyone says your soulmate is made specifically for you, they really do mean in every way possible.

You sit like that for a moment, before opening your eyes and looking at your lover. He helps you move your hips up and back down, you let out a gsap at the sparks that fly up your spine. Your hips start to move in unison, yours grinding down and his moving up to meet yours in a steady rhythm, like a dance to music only you two can hear.

Your nails hurt when they move over his shoulders and chest, leaving temporary marks, but Donghyuck doesn’t mind. Actually, he loves it when you tug on his hair and scratch up his back, his whines turning into full out groans when you lean in and attach your lips to the side of his neck, pressing hot kisses down to his collarbone and biting down gently in the same place this whole situation started.

“H-Hyuck, I—” Before you know it, you’re so close to your orgasm, it’s basically right in front of you to reach out and accept.

“I know, baby, I know. You can come, I got you.” He answers back messily, using the last of his energy to keep your hips in place and drive himself into you. You let out a shriek at the sudden pleasure, only a few more deep thrusts into your hole and you’re falling over him as your orgasm spreads to every crevice of your body.

Donghyuck loves the way your muscles seize and flutter around him, making him pant and his thrusts become sloppy as he comes as well, his warm seed filling you up as he rides through his high. You both fall into the mattress below, you on top of Donghyuck, too tired to roll over and opting to just rest on his sweaty chest.

“I think that was way better than sleeping.” He says, his chest rumbling underneath you as he speaks.

“What a good way to tire ourselves out.” You yawn.

In the last few moments before your tired bodies fall asleep, you find Donghyuck’s hand and intertwine your fingers together, happily and contently falling asleep with the fresh air coming through the window and the sunlight now fully streaming into the room.

In the late summer before your and Donghyuck’s last year of university, you attend a wedding. Not just any wedding: Yuqi and Lucas’ wedding.

Although the ceremony is held outside, there’s a nice breeze that keeps the guests from getting too hot and sweaty in the summer sun. The whole wedding is held in a botanical garden and the place is decorated in white and purple, lilacs and daisies filling vases everywhere you go and freshening the air with their scent.

You and Donghyuck walk into the room inside the administrative building that’s designated for the bride. Yuqi is there, her face shining brightly with happiness and a glow that can’t be stolen from her today.

When you walk in, you let out a sound of delight at how pretty your college friend looks in her wedding dress, taking note of the chamomile flowers that adorn her hairpiece.

“Ah, I can’t believe you’re here.” She all but shrieks, embracing you tightly with her small bouquet still in her hands. After she gives Donghyuck a small, welcoming hug, she backs away to look at both of you.

“You look amazing today, I can’t believe you’re actually getting married. Congratulations.” You say sincerely.

“I can’t believe it either, actually. I feel like we’ve been planning this for forever, and now the day is finally here.” She recalls, a blissful look in her eyes even though you’re aware of how much stress she has had during the past few months over this one day.

“Are you nervous?” Donghyuck asks and you nudge his side and send him a look for asking a question like that.

“No, I’m not,” Yuqi laughs, “I feel one hundred percent happy. Like I’m starting the next part of my life with the one I love.”

“I’m glad you can spend the rest of your life with your soulmate, you’re definitely luckier than most.” You muse, and she suddenly softens her expression and takes your hand in hers, gently holding onto you.

“I’m not marrying my soulmate. I’m marrying the one I love. It just happens to be the same person.”

After bidding your farewells and good lucks, you and Donghyuck walk out of the room and head to where the ceremony will be held. He pulls out of sunglasses, propping them on the edge of his nose, and then grabbing your hand and strolling through the exhibits on the way to the ceremony grounds.

Yuqi’s words ring in your head throughout the peaceful walk, specifically how happy she looked to be marrying the one she loves. Somehow, you never thought about separating soulmate from lover; those two people have always been one in your head. You always thought that there can’t be a soulmate without a lover, and there can’t be a lover without a soulmate.

But the moment with Yuqi reminded you of the first time Donghyuck properly confessed to you, the words you can still hear floating through your head whenever your mind wanders off and thinks about him.

“I think I would’ve fallen in love with you even if we weren’t destined to be together.”

Maybe Donghyuck has been wiser than you this whole time. Not that you’d ever admit that to his face, unless you’d like to hear about it at least three times a week for the rest of your life.

Every memory— every year that has passed by with Donghyuck has only grown the idea of soulmate and lover further apart in your mind, and it took the matrimony of your close friends to realize it. You don’t think it’s a bad thing; in fact, you’re lucky that you can call your lover and your soulmate the same person.

You feel something tugging at your hand, and when you look over at your lover, he looks at you expectedly.

“Huh?” You say, dumbfounded since you’ve been in your own little world for who knows how long. Donghyuck laughs, bending over a bit at the funny, bewildered look on your face before straightening up and looking over to you again.

“I said, what colors should we do for our wedding? I personally think I look good in red, but I’m sure we can figure out something less contrasting.” He explains nonchalantly, you realize he’s kicking a random pebble around as you walk. Looking around, confused out of your mind, you turn back to him.

“Are we getting married?”

“Well, yeah,” He does something between a laugh and a scoff before leaning next to you, a serious look that permeates through the shade of his sunglasses, “You do want to marry me, right?”

Your brain is in a complete fritz. If you had a whole day to think about this you could maybe make up a sentence that resembles a sophisticated answer, but you can only shrug.

“Uh, yeah, I guess.”

“You guess?” Donghyuck stops walking, “I just asked you if you want to get married, and you reply with ‘uh, yeah, I guess.’” He mocks your tone and it makes you roll your eyes at him.

“This is the first time we’ve ever talked about this and I got nervous.” You explain, making him relax and stand in front of you with his hands leisurely resting in his pockets. “Of course, someday I would like to marry you. I guess you’re… tolerable.” Donghyuck pushes you away from him and quickly walks down the path, twice as fast as he was walking before. You laugh and follow him, running slightly to catch up.

“Excuse me, Miss, would you like to leave a wish for the happy couple?” A sudden voice stops you, making you turn back around. A man stands with a camera, looking at you expectedly.

“Uh, how?” You look from the camera and back up to him.

“I’ll take your picture. You can write a wish on it and hang it up over there.” He points to the dozens of polaroids already hung up a few feet away, random people posing in the photographs with different color writing on every picture.

“Let’s do it.” Donghyuck comes up behind you, no doubt catching the last part of what the photographer said and pushing you lightly over to where there’s better lighting while taking off his sunglasses and tucking them into his shirt. The photographer asks you to pose, and you and Donghyuck smile for the camera, your eyes slightly shut due to the sun beating down on top of you.

“Great, how about one more for yourselves?” The photographer asks as he waits for the photograph to develop and you agree. This time, Donghyuck wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer so that your back is against his chest. You feel him rest his cheek on your head and drape his other arm around your front. You grab onto his forearm, not knowing what to do with your hands, and then suddenly the picture is taken and the photographer hands over both of the developed photos.

You take the second picture out of Donghyuck’s hands, not being able to look away. The sun seems to hit both of you just right, and the slight candidness of the photo adds another layer of reality to the picture. Donghyuck has a small smile while his cheek is slightly squished against your head, but he still looks as handsome as ever.

“What wish should we leave them?” He asks, picking up a golden sharpie from the table nearby, somehow already having his sunglasses back on.

“Maybe just… Congratulations on getting married?” You suggest.

“And a million other people will have the same thing. We need to be memorable.” He stresses and taps the end of the sharpie against his head. “What do you wish for Lucas and Yuqi?”

“I wish…” You think about it for a moment, “For them to have a lifetime of memories that they can share until the very end.” You nod.

“Oh?” Donghyuck looks at you, “When did you become a poet?” He asks as he writes that down at the bottom of the first picture.

“I’ve always been like this. I’m glad you just now figured it out.” You reply sarcastically, to which Donghyuck replies back with his own sarcastic laugh. He hangs up your picture close to where Mark and Xiaojun hung up their’s, and then turns back around.

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road.” He pushes up his sunglasses with his ring finger and thumb, walking with swagger towards the ceremony and grabbing your hand while he’s passing by.

“If you’re going to be like this at our wedding, maybe I’ll have to change my mind…”

For one today being one of the most awaited days of your life, it started out pretty regularly.

You wake up from the ringing of your alarm, get ready, and go to your classes for the day. You had breakfast before you left, and lunch right before your last class of the day. Even work was boring as usual, but nothing beat going to the store afterwards.

When you got to the aisle filled with shoes, you were first puzzled by how many options there are. So many colors and styles, you didn’t expect to be so overwhelmed and accidentally spent almost an hour just looking at every individual pair. This had to be perfect. This was going to be a memory that you thought about for the rest of your life.

You call Donghyuck when you approach your front door, he answers almost immediately.

“Hey, love, what’s up?” He yawns through the words, and you can’t help but smile as you look down at the bag in your hands.

“Oh, I was just wondering when you’ll be home.” You open the front door and shut it behind you, taking off your shoes.

“I’m right outside of our building. Did you just get home?” He asks, no doubt hearing the front door from your side of the line.

“I’ll talk to you when you get up here then, see you.” You send a kiss through the phone and abruptly end the call. If Donghyuck is right outside of the building he’ll be up to your apartment in just a few minutes.

You drop the rest of your things down at the front door and hurry into the kitchen, setting down the small white bag with a lace bow on top in the middle of the kitchen table, clearing the table of anything else. You slide into a seat at the table, fixing your clothes nervously as you hear the front door open. Not even a few seconds later, Donghyuck walks into the kitchen, his eyes moving from you to the white bag and back to you.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, dead serious. Your nerves and anxiety, and maybe even some fear, must be strong enough for him to feel. You shake your head and pat the chair next to you. Donghyuck takes a seat, he came through the door so quickly that he didn’t even take his shoes or his jacket off yet.

“Open the bag.” You can’t help the excited smile and small clap of your hands as he reaches out and holds the bag. He gives you a quizzical look, but you only nod to encourage him.

Donghyuck unties the lace ribbon, looking down into the bag for a few moments. You can’t read his face and you can’t feel any emotions from him, and your anxiety grows tenfold. He reaches in and pulls out the little shoes, a light blue color with white stitching. They’re so small, they can sit in Donghuck’s hand perfectly.

“What are these?” He asks, still looking at the shoes in his hand.

“Well, they’re shoes… For babies. For our baby.”

At your reply, he does nothing. He doesn’t react at all, which only worsens your nerves and makes your leg twitch up and down as you wait for him to say something. He swallows and sets the shoes on the table, still looking at then with a blank expression.

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yeah…” You reply, reaching out to put a hand over Donghyuck’s, “Say something.”

“I’m not sure what to say, this is very… sudden.” He tilts his head. Your stomach drops at the lack of emotion in his voice. You aren’t sure what you were expecting, but it was not this stoic expression in his face. Whatever traces of a smile that you had on your lips vanishes and you grip his hand tighter.

“I know this is not what we had planned. I know this is kind of… not good timing, since we’re still in school and not married, yet. But this is what fate had planned for us, I guess?” You’re not sure if you’re trying to console him or convince him, but the icky feeling in your stomach tells you Donghyuck’s reaction to the situation is not good.

“Yeah, fate did us real good.” Donghyuck replies sarcastically and you drop your hands from his, resting them in your lap. You can see the tears forming in his eyes even when he tries to look away from you, and you can feel the fear that’s boiling and overflowing inside him.

“I know you’re scared, I’m scared too. But we can get through this to—” You’re suddenly cut off by Donghyuck standing up abruptly.

“I’m not scared. I’m worried.” He rubs his face with his hands. “I’m worried that I won’t be able to support this kid. I’m worried I won’t be able to be here for you through it all. I’m so worried I’m going to end up like my father that I feel like it’s going to eat me alive.” He runs his hands through his hair, pulling his head back as he looks at the ceiling and paces around the kitchen.

“I never knew your father, but from what you told me, you’re nothing like him.” You stand up too, your legs feeling like jello.

“No, you don’t understand. What if I say something wrong and ruin this kid’s life like my father did to me? What if I can’t find a job after we graduate? Are you going to support all three of us? I can’t let you live like my mom did, it was too hard to watch back then and it’ll be even harder to watch now.” He suddenly stops, not giving you a chance to speak as he looks from you, to the little shoes, and back to you. “I can’t.”

“You… can’t what?” There’s panic rising in your voice as he shakes his head and backs away.

“I can’t be here, not around you or this baby. I won’t be a good father.” He turns and walks out of the kitchen, leaving you standing dumbfounded with tears brimming in your eyes. You move to the front door, watching at Donghyuck’s shaking hands pick up his keys and wallet.

“Are you leaving me? Right now?” He doesn’t look at you and he doesn’t answer, opening the door, “Wait!” You cry out. He stops, his shoulders tense and his hand clenching the doorknob.

“What about that promise you made me? Huh? You said that it’s not just a ‘you’ or a ‘me’ now. It’s an ‘us.’ You said you’ll do everything you can to not hurt us.” You ask, recalling the promise Donghyuck made back when you two were young college students, and a promise he has repeated and vowed to you over and over again every time your relationship got into a rough patch.

“I think… that what I’m doing is what’s best for us. It’ll be better if I wasn’t here. ___...” He looks back at your teary eyed figure with one last look of regret, “I love you. I’m so sorry.” And with that, he closes the door, leaving you all alone in your cold and dark apartment.

You jumped off of the bridge. You jumped off a while ago, actually, but the fall took longer than you expected. You thought Donghyuck would be there to catch you at the bottom, but he’s nowhere to be seen now. The fall was peaceful and enjoyable, a soft limbo between making the hardest decision in your life and the ultimate consequence of that decision. The fall was long and made you feel faux comfort, so when you reached the very end, it ended up hurting a lot worse. You knew jumping off of a bridge would kill you, so why did you jump?

You’re not sure how long you stand by the front door, but it’s long enough that the sun sets outside and the room turns dark. You stare at the door, waiting for Donghyuck to come back. You wait for the door to open and for him to run through, hugging you and whispering that he’ll be here for you. You can only walk up to the door and slide down onto your knees, your forehead pressed against the cool wood as you wait.

Tears run down your cheeks silently, your eyes red and your head hurts. You keep your forehead pressed against the door for the whole night, waiting for him to come back. You wait, and wait, and wait. Donghyuck never comes back.

Your heart rips open from pain, it feels like it’s bleeding onto the floor in front of you. Your mind is numb from any other emotion, your body is cold from sitting on the floor, but you can’t get yourself to stand up. That’s when you realize, this is it. This is how Donghyuck hurts you.

What a sick and twisted way for fate to finally serve up her plan. You almost forgot who Donghyuck is supposed to be; the one who loves you, and the one who hurts you the most.

— read epilogue here

[mrpenguinpants]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

I love modern au. Or any “everything is fine, no one died, it’s just a fever dream” au. Half of me is thinking, damn maybe I should answer this serious- LOL HAHA no. That’s not happening. Time to crack my knuckles and let my brainworms take over again.

Once again, this is 90% crack 10% content. I want to switch up my characters from the last brainworm post but I included Kaeya and Diluc.

---

Today’s appreciation post goes to twistedwishes. Hey! I’ve been seeing you pop up a lot lately and thanks for the support 💕💕 I hope things are going better for you and you’re doing alright^^ I feel kinda bad for making appreciation posts on crack fics but hopefully this is somewhat funny haha. 

---

Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

---

[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

  @mikeysbike @hanniejji@unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten @youaskedfurret @diaxfeliz @wintergreen-aix @dandelily @thegayrubberducky @lovelykittycatmeow @yuunoagivesmelife  @dokidokisama @simpygrimoire @minakohasmanyhusbandos @strwbrry-lia @tigerpriestess @yuu-yuukurotsuki​

---

Diluc

Absolute pretty boy who has braincells, but only if Kaeya is not there. In his mind, Kaeya’s presence makes his room loose 40% of their common sense. He can’t prove it just yet but he’s working on it. He majors in accounting but also has a minor in marketing, logistics’ management, fia- he majors everything business related. He’s going to become the next Elon Musk through smarts or by getting the competition drunk. There can be no contest if he’s the only candidate. He’s actually a hard working guy that overworks and stresses way too much. You have daily “Diluc recharge” evenings where he just hangs onto you while you go through your day.

“Don’t fucking talk to me until I’ve had my coffee,” except there is no coffee - he drinks grape juice out of juice boxes and his only energy boost is when he meets up with you - and that’s his constant mood. So he usually only hangs around you and Jean, since she has childhood friend status and is actually an angel. By default, Lisa is added and Diluc doesn’t mind her but if he see’s Kaeya, it’s full on war paint mode. If he's not busy with work or studies, he's usually with you either in your dorm or his apartment.

He has a fanclub and he seriously hates it and tries to do everything in his power to get Ningguang to take it down. Shouldn’t this be against his rights? But she refuses for whatever reason and makes a whole speech about free will. No matter what he does, someone manages to take a picture and it get’s printed in the university’s newspaper. The only bonding time he has with Kaeya is every Monday, where they collect and burn all the universities newspapers before anyone can get their hands on it. You always bring marshmallows to make smores during their arson activities.

“When I graduate I’m going to burn this school down to the ground. That’s not a threat it’s a promise.”

Ningguang

Is secretly the leader of the Diluc fanclub - not that she likes Diluc, she’s in a questionable platonic poly marriage with you and Beidou - but it was the easiest way to gain funds for the student council. Which she is the president of, so rip Diluc the fanclub stays. Ruthless business woman I tell you. But she can run in heels so her danger factor rises by at least 20%.

Majors in social sciences and law but more specifically the political science & government. She saw the Imperial State Crown that the Queen of England wears and says yes, that’s mine now. If she’s not with Beidou and you planning on “how to infiltrate the state government just for lols”, then she’s with Keqing, Ganyu, and Zhongli discussing student council things. Should they or should they not tell the student body that they can see everyone’s search results? Sit back and relax as the school goes into chaos. 

She’s probably the scariest person on campus No, she is the scariest person on campus. She’s the scariest person on campus. But secretly she’s popping 20 aspirins just to make it through a night. She has the digestive system of steel. She still holds the title of "seriously do not try and beat her in a drinking game it's never going to happen" and that's her proudest achievement in life but sadly she can’t put it on her resume. Kaeya is still trying to beat her out of spite but so far it hasn't been working. You’re seriously concerned for her when she get’s challenged but Beidou gives you a way-to-hard slap on the back and cheers her on. If Ninngguang somehow get’s alcohol poisonings she’ll somehow find away to make a profit out of it.

"I'll let him die, I'll get the insurance money."

Kaeya

One day he chugged too much mouth wash, passed out, and somehow woke up in university majoring in law. His idea is that if he is apart of the law, he can therefore stand above it. To be fair, his only goal in life is to say “I am the manager” and he can go live the rest of his life in bliss or as a hermit. He’s secret best friends with you but wouldn't be caught dead beside you. He will stab a bitch if you ever get hurt but will still trip you on the way home. Seriously, you have no idea why people find him attractive. Your guess is it’s the eye patch or the clap of his ass cheeks that keeps alerting everyone.  

He’s apart of the newspaper club and if anyone asks: No, he has no idea who keeps taking all the newspapers and burns them in the back of the campus. Originally, he joined because he was nosy and needed to join some type of club for his resume. He sometimes feels bad for his junior assistant Amber because he keeps tricking her and says that Diluc is secretly a demon that is trying to steal all the jobs and is apart of the lizard government hell bent on eradicating the human race. He even brought out a whiteboard for this joke, he’s dedicated to his job ok? 

The type of guy to try and be humble and say his work is “okay” but will choke a bitch if anyone agrees. He tends to leave everything last minute and says that it’s his drug since actual drugs could land you one year in prison and a maximum penalty of $2,000. You have to awkwardly hold in your concerned mother head shake when you see him speed running his assignment literally right when the professor is walking around to check if students finished. 

“I was taught how to lead not to read.”

Mona

Broke wallet #2. Zhongli is broke wallet #1 but Childe simps for him so is he really a broke wallet at this point? In this essay, I Mona Megistus, will explain why I have the rights to the title “Broke Wallet #1″...

Believes that astrology should be an actual career path but refuses to take astronomy as her major. I can read the stars not a textbook that tells me how to calculate the mass of the sun divided by the fucks I give. Instead she went into Philosophy and cries to Albedo, who is an actual prodigy genius- sir lend some braincells to everyone else please?, that her professor keep turning her paper down because “star reading” is not an academic source.

Fischl wants her to join the occult club because, surprisingly, Mona is very good at telling people’s fates through her crayon sketch ouija board. She thinks first year Fischl is cute but is put off by the cosplay roleplay that she has going on. She would join except that stupid hat wearing gremlin in her lit class would make fun of her if he found out.

You gave her half your lunch one day and bought her a doughnut "because she seemed upset" and "out of the goodness of your heart" whatever the hell that means. She thinks you pensioned it but once that thought comes she takes a bite. Poison from a doughnut is not the worst way to go out, classes are hard enough. She’s waiting for the lord to strike her down anyways. 

“Its not about passing, its about doing better than everyone else.”

Venti

Slept through most of highschool and people question how he got into university. He’s a music major (wow how fucking original is that), and if anyone asks him to serenade someone or just do anything, he’ll do it for the right price. Or if you buy him alcohol because he still keeps getting ID checked. He’s banking on Kaeya actually becoming a lawyer or being on good terms with Diluc so he can finally stop being arrested for looking like a toddler.

Takes one step into classes and quickly nopes out and goes back to bed. Professors have no idea how he hasn't dropped out or failed. He just has some god given talent. He does whine at you to pretty pretty please with a cherry on top tutor him because you're such an angel and would never leave your poor but awesome best friend hanging right? He needs to get this essay down but how he is suppose to explain how the number 10 is symbolic and connects to the universe or the meaning of life. Do you think he can just say it’s apart of his culture and make up some random myth to pretend it looks like he knows what he’s doing? 

He’s honestly going with the flow and put his brain on the back burner all of highschool and only now realizes wait, I actually have to use my brain?

He’s been banned from most club chats since Venti has the no chill card. Someone says “lol I look ugly today.” and he’ll respond "yup, you look like a cow." and he get’s banned. Zhongli keeps a speed run timer on his phone just to document these occasions.

"Sad spelled backwards is das and das how it be sometimes."

Childe

An actual dumbass that somehow does well. He eats sandwiches with the crust off, this heathen. Surprisingly he’s studying to become a physical therapist but most of his experience has come from breaking his own bones. You’re scared how he's going to be if he actually becomes a therapist. If he'll make bets with his patients or try to one up whatever crazy injury they get into. Everything is a challenge to him that sometimes the best way to deal with Childe is to knock him out. 

This man really knows the way to a Zhongli’s woman's heart. Through micro transactions. Mona saw him accidently drop $20 and just shrugged and walked off. She has never been both spiritually and physically offended in her life. She did take the $20 though. As much as you hate leeching on Chile when he’s basically a walking wallet that probably uses bills as tissue paper, you can’t help but give him puppy eyes while planning on how to get into his will. If he even plans on having one, he might honestly write “whoever wins in a gladiator style duel in my funeral’s tournament, they will get my fortune.”. 

Any sport the university offers Childe is probably in it. Which is how he met Zhongli, challenged him to a fight, proceeded to have his ass handed to him, got a backhanded compliment, and screamed to you he was in love and how he found his soulmate. He's secretly very sappy and has cried and watched every Disney and Pixar movie at least 28 times.

"IM NOT TOO SPICY! I’M A TINY BIT ABOVE MILD IF ANYTHING!”

---

God if it isn’t Scaramouche, it’s Childe that ruins the aesthetic. This is why I hate you. Why do you people enable me like this, it isn’t even good. This is pretty much a @ yourself moment and I vibe hard with Venti. This entire post was just to make a joke about the clap of Kaeya’s ass cheeks alerting the guards.

This week might slow down since I have classes and assignments. My reply’s are gonna be late too, sorry;; (oh and thank you to everyone that was so supportive and nice when I mentioned it. All of you. Beautiful 💕💕 )

[fanmoose12]

nothing but my aching soul

Levi and Hange's first time happens when both of them are far from being young.

(or a ridiculously fluffy fic about Levi being a nervous wreck).

nsfw under the cut!

It was ridiculous, foolish and absurd.

He used to be a soldier who dealt with giant, human eating monsters with precise efficiency and zero fear. He survived a goddamn war, he made it out of the bloody apocalypse. There was no reason for him to be nervous about anything, especially not about this.

After all, it was just Hange, weird, quirky Hange who knew him inside out, far better than he knew himself.

And after the awful war and years of yearning for each other, after Hange had whispered a confession to him during one of the many nights she spent in hospital with him, after she confirmed that yes, she loved him, his feelings were very much reciprocated, they always were, taking their relationship to a next stage was only natural, wasn't it?

Besides, it wasn't like he hadn't think about it, he dreamed about it, albeit briefly, in the rare times when their lives weren't in mortal danger and the fate of the whole world wasn't resting on their shoulders.

And he thought about it - about Hange and things he wished they were allowed to do - a lot, a truly embarrassing amount of time, actually.

He thought, he dreamed, he fantasied about it, but now that he had an actual Hange in front of him, and not an image from one of his numerous wet dreams, he wasn't sure how to proceed.

"We don't have to do it, you know," Hange gently whispered in his ear. Damn her and her ability to read him like an open book. Levi did his best to school his expression into something neutral, to hide his nervousness from her. But, of course, he could never hide, not from Hange. "We can wait, or we can just forget it and never bring it up ever again."

Hange was already half-undressed and she was already laying on top of him. And yet, she was ready to backtrack, his comfort was, as always, her main priority.

However, Hange's comfort was his main priority too, and Levi wanted to make her feel good, not just with awkward words and cups of tea. He could see that Hange wanted to do it, to become incredibly close in more than just metaphorical sense, he wanted it to, he was determined to commit to it, but...

"Let's take it slowly, alright?" he murmured, moving his hands to her naked hips. He started rubbing them in circular motions, and Hange smiled, enjoying the gentle caress.

"Then..." she watched him closely, searching for any sign of discomfort. "Will it be okay if I kiss you?"

Levi gave a small nod, and Hange leaned in, pressing her lips against his. It was awkward at first, their noses nearly collided, but Hange tilted her head just so, and slowly deepened the kiss, turning it into something more than just a chaste touch.

"Is it okay?" she repeated, as her tongue licked at his lips.

Was it okay? Already, it was much better than simply okay. But Levi could just give Hange another nod. His right hand was still on her hip, but he moved his left hand, his healthy one, to her head, entangling it into her hair.

Now, it wasn't certainly better than simply okay, and out of sudden, Levi, who had survived war and apocalypse, who had lost people and had killed people, who had no childhood and had known little to none real happiness, who was already well in his forties, now he was feeling like a teenage boy, who was lucky enough to kiss his first love.

He was not a boy anymore, but Hange still was his first and she would be his last love, and the realization that he was kissing her, that they both survived, that now they could do anything they were denied by violence and duty, and the knowledge that the world didn't need them anymore, so they could stay like this forever, exchanging kisses like a couple of careless teenagers, was enough to make his heart clench and his chest fill with love and happiness.

He wanted to pull Hange even closer, until they were one, but as he tightened his hold on her, Hange gently disentangled herself from him.

"Hey..." her palms were on his cheeks, softly caressing his skin. "Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?"

And only then, when he saw the worry in her eye, Levi realized that his own eyes were wet.

Fuck.

He quickly wiped his eyes, blushing furiously. Hange just wanted to have a little bit of fun, wanted to make both of them feel good, and he started crying, like a damn emotional fool.

"It's fine, I'm fine," he assured Hange, keeping his face turned away from her. "Let's continue."

"Levi... if something bothers you, then just say so. I need to know if I did something to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me," he gruffly protested. "You did nothing wrong, you..."

How could he say it? How could he tell Hange that she was making him so happy that he was ready to weep out of simple, unbrindled joy?

"It wasn't bad tears, four-eyes," he softly mumbled. "I was just..."

Too overwhelmed, too happy, far too in love.

"Oh Levi," as always, Hange seemed to understand him without actual words. She chuckled, looking at him with so much love and adoration that it made Levi wonder how in the world did he deserve all of this. "I love you so, so much," she confessed, before she left a kiss on his forehead.

"I love you," she repeated, this time pressing a kiss to right his eyelid.

"I love you," then to the left.

"I love you," this was accompanied by a kiss to the left cheek.

"I love you," and to the right.

"You're just doing this to make me cry again," he weakly protested.

Hange didn't deny it. She also didn't stop that extremely sweet torture, and pressed her lips against the curve of his nose. "I love you."

Next, she moved to the small dimple on his chin. "I love you."

"I love you," she finished, connecting their lips again.

As they pulled apart, Levi refused to let Hange move away from him. With his hand still in her hair, he made her lean closer again, until their lips were barely touching. He gazed straight in to her eyes, letting Hange see everything - his tear-streaked face, his numerous scars and his weary soul.

Then, with his voice barely above the whisper, he let out the truth that was hidden inside him for far too long.

"I love you too. More than anything."

This time, tears started to brim in the corner of Hange's only eye. She gave him a brief, weak nod, and then pressed her forehead against his, deeply inhaling his scent.

They stayed like that for a while, a long, peaceful while.

But then, when the silence stretched for far too long and Hange's loving gaze started to make him want to cry again, Levi softly nudged her, scoffing Impatiently.

"Can we continue? Before I make a complete embarrassment of myself again?"

"So impatient," Hange snickered.

She leaned back, her hands moving over his body. They traveled down his neck, across his chest, around his stomach, until...

"Oh," Hange's eye widened. "You are impatient. I didn't just make you cry, eh?"

God, was Hange on a quest to make him as red as humanly possible? Because she certainly excelled at it.

Levi quickly learnt that this wasn't the only thing Hange excelled at, and when she touched the noticeable bulge on his pants, Levi whined and backed up his hips.

Hange grinned, almost wolfishly. Levi gulped, feeling like he had just witnessed the creation of horrible, sex-addicted monster.

"Firstly, we have to take this off," she narrated, as she helped him out of his pants and underwear. Once his cock was freed, Hange wrapped her hand around it, moving it up and down his length in a quick, fluid motions.

When she leaned down, her lips hovering above his dick, Levi almost choked.

"No!" he pulled her away, his movement nearly panicked.

"No?" Hange raised her eyebrows, looking extremely confused. "I thought the men enjoy it..."

"We do, I do," Levi assured her quickly. "But..." there it was again, that damn embarrassment. "If you do this now, I'm not sure I'll be able to last for long."

"Oh..." Hange's face lightened up with understanding. "Alright, that's for another time then."

The backhand promise made heat gather deep in his stomach. Levi wetted his lips, his throat suddenly too dry.

"Hange..." he husked, lifting up his arm. "Since I'm already naked..."

"Of course," she smiled, and before he could finish his sentence, she already took off her bra. Almost immediately, she raised her hips to get rid of her panties, and Levi took a deep breath.

He thought he had seen everything this world had to offer - he had seen the vast blue sky, the bright sun, the glistening sea... But none of it, absolutely nothing, could compare to the beauty that was Hange.

Her tan skin, even with all the scars and burn marks, was perfect and soft. Her hair, although shorter than before, was still just as rich in color and shiny. Her eye held the infinite amount of warmth and intelligence. Her body was still that of a seasoned soldier, lean and muscled and strong.

Levi wanted to touch every part of her, to lavish it with love, to praise and worship it. Well, as Hange had said... that was for another time.

While he was so lost in watching her, Hange had already climbed on top of him again. Now, she took his dick in her hand and started to slowly lower herself on it. Her breath quickened and she was frowning slightly. Levi felt worry come alive inside him.

"Hange?" he carefully asked. "Can I... help with something?"

Her frown disappeared, taken over by a loving smile. She took his hand in hers, maneuvering it between her legs.

"You can touch me here," she said, pressing his fingers against her hardening clit. Levi did as Hange had told, and started to circle it, slowly at first, but growing bolder when he saw that Hange was enjoying it.

Deciding to take the initiative, Levi put his other hand on her breast, massaging her nipple softly. Hange gasped at the sudden contact and let out a little moan.

Encouraged, Levi continued his ministrations.

Finally, Hange fitted all of his length inside her.

"Good?" she asked in between pants.

Good? Hange was so warm, so wet and so tight, Levi didn't even know that something so simple could feel that fantastic. And then Hange started to move, simply lifted her hips to lower herself onto him once again, and Levi had to bite back a groan, a long, embarrassingly satisfied groan.

"Is it..." he huffed, as her next movement knocked all air out of him. "Is it just as good for you?"

"It's amazing," Hange answered, just as breathlessly. "You... you're amazing, Levi."

His strokes against her clit became more purposeful but Levi took his hand away from her chest. As soon as he did, Hange grabbed his palm, intertwining their fingers. Then, when Levi thought that it couldn't get any better, she leaned down on him and captured his lips in another sensuous kiss.

The heat in his stomach was growing and growing, nearly ready to spill.

"Hange, Hange," he puffed between the kisses. "Hange, I'm so-"

"I know," Hange swallowed all of his moans and whimpers. "I'm close too, Levi."

Another kiss and another circle around her clit, and Hange squeezed his hand almost painfully, tightening around him.

That was all it took for Levi to follow her over the edge.

Hange slipped off him and fell down next to him, burying her face into his shoulder.

"Fuck, Levi..." she softly laughed, pressing yet another kiss against his dump hair. "We should have done it sooner."

"Mm," he mumbled, too spent for anything more coherent.

"Let's stay like this," Hange pulled him closer, so his head was laying on her chest. The sound of her steady heartbeat instantly was lulling him to sleep. However, Levi couldn't allow himself to slumber just yet.

"Oi, four-eyes," he pinched her side, receiving a surprised yelp in response. "We need to shower, I feel disgusting."

Hange's eye twinkled, as she throw him a long, mischievous look. "You weren't hating it moments ago, though."

"Well, now I do," Levi started to raise up.

Hange huffed, but helped him to get up. "You never change, clean freak."

"Neither do you, four-eyes."

"A perfect couple, aren't we?" she teased.

"That we are," he agreed, grasping her hand tightly.

With Hange at his side, his heart was finally at peace.

[ppersonna]

thunder - ksj | m

your voice was the soundtrack of my summer. do you know you're unlike any other? you'll always be my thunder. - thunder, boys like girls

↳ summary- you allow your best friend Jin to take you backpacking once per year.  apparently, this year’s outing would be the wettest yet.

↳ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

↳ pairing- kim seokjin x reader

↳ word count- 6k

↳ genre- fluff, tiny angst, smut, comedy

↳ warnings- penetrative sex, unprotected sex, fingering, dirty talk, light dom!jin, light sub!reader, fucking in tents haha ha ha ha, cum play, cum eating, possessive dirty talk

↳ a/n- wow hello! its been so long since i uploaded a fic i almost forgot how to do it! i would like to give you a fic that i’ve had in my storage since march, and one i’m excited to finally finish. i’d be nowhere without @taetaewonderland​ @xjoonchildx​ @ladyartemesia​ for hyping me up to post it in the first place.  thank u to @shadowsremedy​ for being my fav beta ily ily ily. enjoy my babes! pls feel free to message me!

 “Kim Seokjin, if you got us lost, I’m going to murder you,” you seethed as your pulled your booted foot out of a slick puddle of mud. 

“I didn’t get us lost, dear. The map is wrong,” he replied coolly as he twisted the crumpled map from portrait to landscape, and back again. “I’m an excellent navigator, but when the tools I have are faulty…”. 

You grumbled, stopping your walk to sit on a fallen log. You sighed audibly at your best friend, still maneuvering in the small clearing in the forest, trying to match the map to where you were. You chanced a look at the sky as you sought to catch your breath and sate your anger. Dark, heavy clouds were forming, the kind that didn’t just indicate a sprinkle but a torrential downpour. 

“Shit, Jin. It’s going to storm soon,” you warned.  

He stopped his map seeking and glanced at the sky, frown buried deep in his face. 

Instantly, as if it never changed, he returned to his bright and cheery demeanor. 

“Well! Looks like we should work faster to make it back to camp, huh?” 

Seokjin would be excited for an unexpected kink in your plans. The boy was obsessed with “roughing it”. You agreed to one weekend with minimal hiking. Camping, in your opinion, was meant to be spent drunk around a fire eating s’mores and telling scary stories, not walking for miles through nothing but trees, mud, and probably bears.

Camping had never been your favorite hobby, and you allowed Seokjin to take you off trail backpacking once per year. The man looked forward to it, planned it several months in advance, and counted down the days until he stuffed you in his Jeep down a deserted forest highway to the campsite. 

Only, Jin never took the “minimal hiking” thing too seriously. 

“It’s an easy hike,” he had promised you that morning as you set up camp. “More of a stroll than anything.” 

You kicked at the dirt beneath you now, upset you had listened to the dark-haired man’s empty promises. 

“How about we just go back the way we came from?” You suggested as you stood up and brushed the dirt off your backside from the log. 

“Nonsense,” he sniffed. “I’ve got it right here. We can take this trail,” he gestured at a clearing through the trees, “for about a mile, turn left at the open valley, and we’ll be back at camp two miles after that!”  He proclaimed his findings as if it were so easy, so obvious. 

“Great, three miles of hiking. After we’ve already done four, at least.”

“Yes, my ever-positive sunshine, you should be happy I found us a shortcut.” He patted your head and smiled at you as he adjusted your backpack strap that was sliding off your shoulders. He lingered, eyes on you and your lips for just a fraction too long, before he turned and began leading you through the forest. 

Your heart was racing, unrelated to the elevation or the hike. 

You gave in so easily to Jin not because he was your best friend since childhood, but also because he was the man you were hopelessly in love with. 

You’d been smitten with the older boy since your senior year of high school, when he jokingly asked you to prom and you realized you wanted Seokjin courting you to be a regular occurrence. 

You stayed by his side through it all, all girlfriends and breakups. It hurt to watch him with another, but maintaining his friendship was more important than anything else and you weren’t about to lose him to a crush that you could easily just avoid. 

Seokjin was attached to your hip, a fact your friends never let you live down. They were relentless in encouraging you two to be alone, and for you to admit your feelings to him. They told you they were sure he would reciprocate it.  

Unbeknownst to them, you had admitted it. 

You and Jin once got messy drunk on the floor of your apartment, where you slithered up into his lap and whispered your secret devotion to your best friend. Seokjin merely laughed and kissed your nose. You were so embarrassed and rejected you never brought it up again. Best to leave it be, rather than bring a 15 year friendship to a screeching halt. 

So—you valiantly stood by him as his best friend and confidante. You were there when he excitedly told you about his new girlfriend, or when he called you crying over their breakup. Your heart twinged at both; you wanted to be the reason for his excitement and the balm to his wounded heart. 

You allowed Seokjin to take you on all his wild adventures. Like now—traipsing through the forest with no direction in sight, because you would have done nearly anything for the boy.

A crack of thunder shook you from your thoughts and you jumped at the sudden sound. 

“Ah, so cute,” he smiled at you, “still afraid of thunder?”

You blushed and pouted. “It just surprised me, is all.”

He smirked as if to say he didn’t believe you and nodded. “We should get a move on, don’t want to get caught in the rain.” 

You shivered at the thought. It was already cool in the forest; the trees providing enough coverage it locked out any sun, if there had been any. You quickly moved in step behind your best friend. It only took a few minutes of silence before the telltale pitter patter of droplets on leaves began. A fat raindrop landed on your forehead. 

“Fuck,” you groaned. “It’s starting.”  

“I know,” Jin suddenly looked worried, his confident demeanor cracking. He looked back at you and tightened the straps on his backpack. 

“Let’s run?”

You were powerless to deny any request from him. Plus, you didn’t really feel like getting drenched. 

You adjusted your own backpack and took off, running through the quickly dampening forest beside Seokjin. 

The rain came in a downpour. It hit you hard, blurring your vision. Seokjin slipped his hand into yours, not wanting to lose you in the storm. You pushed your legs in time with his, jumping around fell logs and rocks and skipping large puddles. 

You were drenched as Seokjin pulled you into a makeshift canopy of rocks, a momentary pause from the storm to catch your breath. Your hair was soaking wet, as if freshly showered. Seokjin’s hair stuck to his face, and you smiled as he looked at you with concern. It only took a moment until you were both bursting with laughter, finding humor at the moment. 

It was something you loved about Seokjin. He always knew how to make you laugh in times it seemed impossible. 

“This sucks,” you spoke through your joyful laughter.  He nodded in agreement. 

“I think we’re almost back. We need to turn soon, and then we’ve got about two more miles. You ready?”

You agreed and pushed back the slick hair in your eyes, before doing the same for him. His eyes sparkled. You didn’t know what it meant. 

In an instant, you were running again. The backpack bounced against your back and rain pounded your body. The things you did for Kim Seokjin. You were whipped, and you knew it. 

The trail seemed like it went on forever. You both became so tired of running that you slowed and trudged slowly through mud as rain pelted you, accepting your fate of soaking to the bone. You were sure you had never been this drenched in your life.  Your clothes were stuck to your body and dripping down into your shoes and socks. Your teeth chattered in the breeze—it felt as if the wind whipped right through you.  The sky rumbled again, as if warning you to hurry lest it dump more rain on you.

Seokjin was always the caring companion. He rubbed your shoulders and arms to warm them up and promised a roaring fire. You hated how much it made your heart burst.

You were very much looking forward to your one-man tent, stocked with a sleeping bag and blankets. You could strip down and dry off and slip into the warmth of your own personal nest. 

Seokjin waxed poetic about his own spacious tent—a lofty family sized one, and how he made sure he brought his sleeping bag along with 8 thick blankets, and how he couldn’t wait to snuggle down into his own.  Seokjin was the picture of preparedness. He even kept a locking box full of snacks in his tent because the boy was a foodie and couldn’t survive without the treats. It came in handy. 

“What would you do if we were stuck out here forever?” You posed to your best friend, curious about his response and desperate to pass the time as you hiked. 

“Well,” he thought aloud. “I’d miss the guys. But I’d be happy to be stuck out here with you.”  

Your cheeks flushed. 

“You wouldn’t miss, ah—what’s her name? Miya?” 

Seokjin shrugged. “She’s fun. She’s not you, though.”

You couldn’t help but grumble internally. She was good enough to date, and you weren’t. She was different in some respect. 

“Are things not going well with her?” You asked, secretly hoping they weren’t.

“It’s fine. She’s nice and all,” he sighed.  “Just, there’s no spark there, you know?”  

You knew all too well. Any man you tried to date paled compared to your best friend, and the fireworks behind your every heartbeat when you were near him.

“What about you?” He was peering into your eyes and into what felt like your soul. “You and Jungkook sure seem cozy.” His tone sounded annoyed, sarcastic even.

You couldn’t help but bark a laugh. 

“Oh god, no,” you shook your soggy head.  “Not my type. We’re good friends and that’s it. Plus, I’m sure he’s into Jimin.”

Seokjin shrugged again. “You sit on his lap and cuddle up to him all the time…”

“Are you jealous?” You smirked, nudging the man.  Please, god, please be jealous.

“N-No!” He was sharp. “I’m not.”

Ouch.

You remained silent, eyes downcast at your muddy boots as you walked alongside the man.

“Sorry,” he mumbled after a beat of silence. 

“Don’t worry about it, Seokjin. I got it—loud and clear.”

Seokjin looked hurt, a wave of dissatisfaction crossing his features. He wanted to say something, mouth opening to continue his apology. You ignored it wholly. He knew your feelings. There was no way he couldn’t remember that night. You pushed ahead of the man, walking in front of him to avoid his pained gaze and likely hurried apology.  

The light of day was leaving. Everything around you was steadily getting darker, and the rain showed no sign of giving up. You silently begged to be back to the safety of your camp soon, lest you become walking mountain lion bait.

“There’s camp!” Seokjin finally pointed and ran through the rain ahead of you.

“Oh thank fuck,” you sighed, feeling as if it lifted a weight from your shoulders. You couldn’t wait to strip out of your soaking clothes and slither into your blankets.

“Oh shit,” Seokjin whispered, stopping where he stood.  You followed his gaze, concerned about what stopped the boy so quickly.   

Your tent was ripped open, the insides of it exposed to the wind and rain. Everything you owned was soaking wet. You had set it up in a clearing with not too many trees above it, and it appeared the lack of protection against the wind and rain tore the poor fabric to shreds.

A worn-out and distraught sob left your lips.

“No!”  

You ran to the tent and nearly cried. Fortunately, beyond just being soaking wet and useless for the night, everything was intact. There was only no warmth to be had. No warm clothes to change into. Nothing.  

“What the fuck am I going to do?!” 

Seokjin placed a hand on your shoulder.  

“You can share with me?” He sounded hopeful. “We can hang your clothes to dry and when the storm passes, we can build a fire and let your tent air out.  But you should probably sleep in my tent tonight.” 

You bit your lip. You had slept with Seokjin in more beds than you could count, always being forced to share a bed as the designated ‘best friends who don’t care’.  And it was never easy for you. You always woke up with the delicious scent of his cologne and shampoo, and your body curled around his. His hardness would always be pressed up against you, and it took all you had not to wrap your mouth around it to wake him up.

“Yeah, thanks Seokjin,” you breathed. “I’m fucking freezing. And I’m tired. I just want to get some sleep.”

Seokjin slipped his backpack off and pulled yours off your frame. He hung them from a sturdy branch, protected by layers of trees overhead, to let them dry.  

“I have some towels in my tent, go on in. You can get dry and hand me your wet clothes to hang. Then you can get in the blankets and I’ll make us something to eat.”

You blushed. Seokjin hadn’t seen you fully naked, ever; at least not since you were toddlers.

Slipping into his blankets while stark nude would be a dream. It was something you fantasized about more than you’d care to admit. But, in the current conditions, being naked and clammy in the blankets next to your best friend who didn’t return any feelings for you sounded more like an awkward moment waiting to happen.

If Seokjin noticed anything, he didn’t show it. He acted as if making you strip in his tent was a normal thing, nothing out of the ordinary. 

“I’ll wait out here,” he nodded dutifully. 

You slipped out of your muddy boots and socks, and into his tent. It was nice and spacious, and the blankets looked incredibly enticing. It was kind of Seokjin to let you stay with him, even kinder that he would remain soaking wet to make you something to eat. Your body felt so worn out and drained, and you were sure he did too. 

You peeled the wet clothing off of you, every bit, before sticking your head out the door and handing him the clothes.  

“Don’t worry about food, okay? You should get dry too.”  

He wrinkled his forehead. 

“You sure?” 

You bit your lip and nodded. 

“I’m sure. Plus, we have your snacks.”

“Ah, good thinking,” he shot his finger guns at you. “I’ll be there in a minute, then. Hand me a towel and I’ll get undressed out here.”

You shyly handed him a towel, now very aware that you and Seokjin would be in the same tent—naked. The thought thrilled you as much as it scared you. 

It didn’t take long to burrow yourself into his freshly made bed roll, sliding into the neat layers. Seokjin was nearly military in his routine and order.  Everything was always tucked, pressed, and laid down perfectly. 

Your body wracked with shivers and chills—the blankets and sleeping bag were cold from the ambient air outside. You folded yourself together in a fetal position to maintain some warmth. It felt good to lie down on the soft bed mat, but the blankets were doing nothing to provide warmth. 

The sound of the zipper opening the front door flap of the tent made you shake harder. You could feel the wind blow through the opening now. The sound of the storm was loud, and you were grateful for the heavy tarp covering Seokjin’s tent. It provided some respite from the wind and kept all water off the tent. At least Seokjin had been smart in his setup. You ignored the man’s suggestions to set up better, and you were fully regretting it now.

Seokjin had the towel wrapped around his waist and stepped about the tent easily. He dabbed at his upper body with a smaller towel from his suitcase and rubbed his hair dry. The normally perfectly coiffed head was now static-y and sticking up wildly. It would have made you laugh if you weren’t so cold. 

Seokjin moved around you and slid into the blankets, leaving a large space between you, before he threw the towel around his waist onto the floor. He was naked now; you noted internally. You both were. A shiver ran down your spine, unrelated to the relentless chill.

It was silent. All you could hear was the beating of the rain on the tarp and your teeth chattering as you shivered. 

Seokjin stole a look at you, finally, and noticed your position, holding yourself to build warmth. 

“Shit, are you okay?” He asked. 

“I’m j-j-just col-l-ld,” you whispered. “And t-t-tired.”

Seokjin didn’t reply, but you heard the scratching sound of a moving sleeping bag and rustling of blankets and suddenly felt a very warm, very naked body pressed against you. It was blissful, and you moaned out loud at the feel of him spooning you. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. You didn’t know what for, and couldn’t bring yourself to reply. 

You burrowed yourself down into his warmth and felt his arms wrap around you, securing you against him. He radiated heat. He felt like heaven. Your eyes closed—he had you feeling like you had stepped into a delicious sauna.

Seokjin’s muscular arms hadn’t moved an inch since they wrapped around you, but now his hands slowly rubbed at your torso, warming you everywhere his hand dragged. It felt electrifying and your body relaxed easily under his delicate fingertips. 

It started out innocent, rubbing along your stomach and side to warm you further. But his hand began straying north, reaching the crest of your breasts. Your breath hitched as he rubbed over the cold swells. Your nipples were hard from the chill and pebbled even further with the touch of his hands. It made a gasp stick in your throat.

His lips touched your neck, lightly. They were warm too. It seemed his entire body was twenty degrees warmer than your own, and every touch felt like a raging flame. His hands continued rubbing along your breasts as he laved and sucked.

 at the column of your throat.  

As instantly as it began, Seokjin stopped. His hands hovered above your breasts. 

He pressed kisses to your neck and face. “We should sleep, babe,” he sighed.  

You wanted to protest, to push him further, to take care of what he started, but you couldn’t find the energy. Seokjin’s warmth matched with the comfort of his bedroll, and the soothing rise and fall of his breath was lulling you into sleep. Even though it was still early evening, the hike and the run back to safety took it all out of you.  

Seokjin’s arms felt like safety. He secured them around you, slipping just underneath your breasts where his thumb could trace alongside the bottom as you easily succumbed to sleep.

It was still dark when you woke.  

The rain was still coming down, light this time. It sounded relaxing, soothing. Seokjin was still spooning you, sleeping soundly behind you. You twisted in his grasp to gaze at him. 

His hair was dry now, sticking out randomly about his pillow. You were sure if he saw it he’d panic, normally so precise with his looks. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep, none of his chaotic energy and dramatic charisma. 

You loved every facet of Seokjin. You loved the flamboyance, the sensitivity, the deep compassion for his friends.  

You turned around, as gently and quietly as you could, and pressed a hand to his cheek—rubbing at the warm and soft flesh. He sighed softly in his sleep, moving against his pillow. An eye cracked open, and he stared at you. 

“Why are you awake?” He whispered, his voice gentle. “It’s still dark.” 

He was confused, and the look that graced his features was adorable. You wanted to photograph it and frame it, make it the lock screen of your phone. 

You shook your head. 

“Don’t know.”

Seokjin’s hand rubbed at your shoulder, then up to your face. He tucked your hair behind your ear and smiled at you. 

“You look so cute in the moonlight.”

You closed your eyes, letting his compliment wash over you. You couldn’t find the words to reply. You let him continue caressing your cheek, feeling as if you were living a fantasy where Seokjin touched you like a lover. 

You were so close to him, chest pressing against his own. Something about the quiet storm, the dark tent, had you disregarding any embarrassment you should have felt pressing your naked tits to the man's chest, but the spell of the forest had you pressing closer. Your lips were inches apart, and you could feel his breath on your lips. 

The feel of Seokjin’s lips pressing against yours was light, but felt as if all the fireworks in the world exploded behind your eyes and within your belly. It started sweet, gentle. You kissed him like you always wanted to, full of unrequited love and unwavering desire. Your arms slithered around his neck, pulling him even closer against you.  

The kiss turned deeper, mouths opening to allow the passage of tongues. He sought into your mouth, caressing yours with his own, pouring what felt like his very spirit into you. His hand left your back and slid up your sides to press against your breast. 

“Seokjin,” you murmured, feeling your brain swirl headily. “Feels good.”

He didn’t reply, only kept kissing at your neck and pinching gently at your hardened nipples. It made you cry out, gaping at the slight pain.

“If you want me to stop, tell me.” 

His words were gentle. His hands stilled, stopping all ministrations against you.

Your breath was hard and shaky, matching the erratic beat of your heart in your ribcage. Your unrequited crush of years was now roaming your body, touching you as a lover rather than a friend.

“Please, don’t stop.”

He was on you again, now bloodthirsty for any part of your skin to touch. He tugged at your nipples, suckled up your neck to kiss and lick at the shell of your ears.  You pressed against him, gasping at the feel of his now stiff cock. He circled his hips, relishing in the feel of you against him. You wondered how he would feel inside you. He was thick and long—it would be a stretch, and a most delicious and welcome one.

He pressed you back against the pillow, hovering over your body as he kissed down your neck and sucked at the pressure points there. A pleasured sigh passed through your open lips, reveling in the feel of him on your skin. It was something you dreamed about often. It felt unreal to finally have it. 

You were on display for him, and his eyes raked over you as if you were a Dalí in the Louvre. His hands slid up to cup your breasts, and you tilted your head back to moan. You didn’t care at all about how you looked, how this might be awkward in the next few hours. You cared only about feeling Seokjin within you, getting him off, succumbing to your own pleasure wrought by his hands and his cock.

“Fuck, babe,” he sighed. “Wanted this for a while.”

“Me too,” you gasped as he slid a finger down to your core, circling faintly over your slick folds.

“Have you?”

“Seokjin, I’ve been in love with you since high school.”

Seokjin closed his eyes and smiled, breathing through his nose in contentment.

“You weren’t just saying that when you were drunk then.”

You shook your head, and Seokjin opened his eyes to peer at you.

“No, Seokjin,” you whispered needily, his finger still so torturously close to your clit. “I meant it.”

He leaned down with a smile and planted gentle kisses on your cheeks, adoring and gentle.  

“I’ve been in love with you too. I thought you were just drunk. I never acted on it because I didn’t want to get my heart broken.”

He pulled up and allowed his free hand to cup your cheek.

“I’m going to fuck you now, okay?” He asked. “Like, really fucking hard. You good with that?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. A deep, hearty chuckle passed between both of you, enamored with each other and the situation of being naked and intertwined together, the warmth of your matched confessions surrounding you.  

“Fuck me, please,” you begged.

And Seokjin would be loath to deny you.

His teasing finger finally slid into your core, fucking into you with ease from your slick walls.  You gasped at the welcome intrusion, eyes fluttering closed as he began a slight pace and watched the way you fell apart.

“So pretty,” he whispered. “So fucking pretty.”

He slipped another finger in, scissoring them open as he worked at you.  Your legs trembled, and it made the older man smirk.  

“Look at you,” he praised. “So easily turned into a *gushing* puddle for me.”

You nodded pathetically, back arching as he added yet another finger and pressed at the spot inside you that had your mind spinning and thoughts erasing.

“Oh—God, Jin!”

As much as Jin wanted to see you get off around his fingers, he was desperate for more. You were finally all his—something he’s wanted since he could remember. All he’s wanted was for you to be his.

He pulled his fingers from inside you and smiled as they came out slicked up with your own essence.  He ensured you made eye contact with him, then popped them into his mouth one-by-one, to suck them clean.

It made your mouth nearly fall to the floor as you watched him suck his fingers clean of you. Your body trembled with a need you hadn’t felt before. It was stronger than anything you’d felt before. It was unadulterated desire for Seokjin.

“Mm,” he sighed happily as he pulled the final digit from his mouth. “Delicious, as I thought.”

“Oh, my god,” you gaped. “Jin…,”

The man merely shook his head and smiled, crowding you down and hovering over your lips.

“You’re mine now, you got that?” 

His eyes tracked yours, watching your every movement. It took you a moment to swallow your nerves, to regain any ounce of confidence.

“I’ve always been yours, Seokjin.”

He held you down, watching you with a gleam of wonder in his eye, before surging forward and planting his lips onto yours. His tongue dove in instantly, seeking solace in the warmth of your mouth. Allowing him passage was easy, almost natural. Jin’s tongue swirled around your own as your arms slithered around his neck to bring him closer. Kissing Jin felt like everything you’d imagine it would be, and yet like nothing you could have even dreamed.

Jin didn’t just kiss you—he consumed you. He lapped his tongue into your mouth like he couldn’t get close enough to you. His chest pressed against your body and he groaned into your mouth at the feeling of your perky breasts pushing into his own broad chest.

“Baby,” he whispered as he pulled away. 

It sounded like a dream—the pet name fell from Jin’s lips so easily, as if it were always meant to be spoken to you.

“You’ve always been the one I wanted,” he breathed as he pressed his lips down your neck. “Always the girl I wanted and could never have.”

“Jin,” you gasped as your fingers carded through his hair. “Jin, you’ve always had me.”

He lifted his head and peered deep into your eyes again, so deep it felt like he was glimpsing into your soul.

“I only want you. No one else.”

It knocked you breathless, and it took a moment for you to refill your lungs before nodding.  

“I’m all yours.”

There was acknowledgement in both your admissions. An understanding that there was no more separation of you, and of Jin. That after tonight, it would be a partnership, and the beginnings of something more, something you’ve only dreamt of with the older man.

“Mine,” he whispered, before pressing his lips back to yours.

The kiss was sweet, nearly cloyingly sweet, as his hands cupped your face. He kissed you with every intention, every desperate plea he’s held in his heart for you.

Jin’s length pressed against you—his hips rutting minutely as he kissed you.

“Jin,” you gasped as you pulled away from his lip locked embrace. “Please, I need you.”

Jin’s charming smile spread across his lips, blooming your heart along with it.

“As you wish,” he whispered as he pressed in for another soft kiss..

Instantly, Jin flipped around and switched positions, guiding you to sit atop his hips while he settled down into the mess of blankets and pillows.

“What?” He asked as he noticed your confusion at the sudden mood change, a smirk rising on his puffy lips. “You think I’m gonna let you lay back and make me do all the work?”

There he was, your Seokjin. Never able to keep a comment to himself, regardless of the situation—always working to make you laugh. It made your heart sing.

His hands slid to grip at your hips while you lifted yourself up to hover over his hardened length, lining up the tip to just graze the wetness there.

“You see what you do to me?” You asked with a coy smile. “You see how badly I want you?”

Jin bit his lip, mesmerized by the way your cunt slicked up the head of his cock, desperate to spear into you but holding back.

“Fuck—,” he breathed. “P-Prove it.”

A smirk crossed your features before you took the plunge and allowed his length to slip inside you as you sank to his hips.  The intrusion was welcome, and you gaped at the sensation of him plunging deep.

“Oh, my God!” Jin gasped as you had taken him to the hilt.  His eyes bulged for a moment before they closed in bliss.  “You feel so fucking good.”

You didn’t need to speak. The feeling of Jin’s thick length inside of you was more than enough agreement.  He felt so thick, so long, prodding at the spot inside you that had you weak and stretching you wide to make you gasp at the sizzle of pain.  After a moment of adjusting to his size, you let your hands fall to his chest as you began to slowly rise and fall and set a pace on his cock.

“Oh, fuck, baby,” he whined—eyes wide open and watching you bounce on him. “Shit, this is where you belong.”

You eagerly pinched at your nipples as your pace quickened, nodding at Jin’s encouraging words. Your mouth felt dry, and you felt unable to even vocalize your pleasure beyond your loud sighs and moans.

“Jin,” you breathed.

He nodded, assisting your pace by gripping your hips.  He tugged you down, face to face, to rest on his chest while your hips kept their quick speed of enveloping his cock in your tight heat.  He let a hand cup the side of your face, the other moving to grip your ass.

“You’re all fucking mine,” he grunted as he thrusted his cock up into you, matching the rhythm of your rise and fall. “Gonna make you feel so fucking good every day, baby.”

You nodded quickly, heartbeat rising as you quickened each pound.  Jin’s lips pressed to yours again, this time messier, hotter.  He licked into your mouth, desperate for any more of you he could consume.

“Fuck, you drive me fucking crazy,” he said, cock still thrusting deep inside you. “Let me fuck you from behind?”

You didn’t bother replying, simply removing yourself from his body and assuming the position on your hands and knees.  Jin scrambled to line up behind you, hand pumping his slick cock as he marveled at the sight of you presented for him.

“Take me, please,” you whispered, turning your head to peer at him with a desperate smile. “Fuck me until I can’t see straight.”

Jin hissed an expletive, before lining himself up in your sodden folds and plunging in without a second thought.  Your eyes widened at the new angle, gasping as you felt it hit different areas inside of you that had you squeaking with each hard thrust of his cock.

Jin’s hands gripped your ass, your hips, anywhere he could leave his brutal fingerprints.

“God, you take my cock like a fucking queen,” he gasped as the sound of skin slapping echoed around the tent. “Look at your pussy, so fucking wet for me.”

He marveled at the way his cock plunged deep inside you, then came out covered in your creamy slick.

“You gonna cum for me, baby? You gonna let me claim this pussy with my cum?”

The pleasure was overwhelming—it felt like every nerve ending was lit on fire, and you were a burning fuse about to detonate into a thousand brilliant explosions.  Each thrust of Jin’s thickness had you crying for more, moans echoing off the trees outside.  You were suddenly thankful you were in the middle of nowhere, allowing you to be loud and needy.

Jin reveled in your desperate sighs and the way your body pushed back against his to match his pace.  He knew his end was coming, knew it was going to be short-lived from the start. He’s wanted your body for as long as he could remember, and wanted you in his life as his lover, his girlfriend, more than just what he had been relegated to for so long.  

“Mm, baby, you look so good on your knees for me, fuck,” he gasped as his speed increased. “I can’t wait to make you cum on my cock every fucking day, love. This is my pussy now.”

Jin’s possession of your body made you see stars, vision blurring as your cunt tightened its grip around his cock.  Jin gasped at the grip and his hips stuttered.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he groaned. “I feel you, baby, fuck. Cum for me, angel. Let me feel this tiny little cunt milk me.”

The coil inside you was tightening, pulling tight and making you gasp and scream at the oncoming rush.  Jin’s pounding was relentless, making your entire body shake with the anticipation.  

Your hand dipped to circle at your clit, the ultimate piece to your end. 

The coil snapped, and your cunt pulsated wildly around his cock, vice-grip tight.  It felt as if you had been catapulted off into space, vision blurring and all sound indiscernible from the blood rushing in your ears.

Jin’s climax quickly overtook him at the feeling of your delicious heat gripping at his cock.  With just a few strokes inside you, his cock pulsed hot stripes of cum within you and painted your channel.  Something primal in Seokjin loved that he was within you now, a piece of him deposited inside. 

He allowed a few moments to pass to catch his breath, before slowly easing his spent cock from your dripping walls.  He groaned as he watched a bit of his seed drip out, and he was careful to collect it on his fingers.

“Come here,” he whispered as he pressed his chest to your back and lifted you upright, sitting on your knees.  He presented his fingers to your lips, dripping with your combined slick, and wrapped his free arm around your stomach.

Obediently, you opened your mouth and allowed the man to swirl his cum-coated digits in your mouth. It made your stomach erupt in butterflies, the taste of you and the man you’ve only dreamt about for years now on your tongue.

A crack of thunder shook you from your silent reverie, and Jin removed his fingers from his mouth before wrapping both arms around you and tugging you down to lie face to face on the mused sleeping bags.

“Now, aren’t you glad we did this?” He asked with a chuckle and a kiss to your nose.

You wrinkled your brow and smiled coyly.

“I would have enjoyed it more if you hadn’t gotten us lost.”

Jin pouted and huffed.

“I didn’t get us lost,” he sniffed with indignation. “The map was wrong.”

[animalkingdom-an0nymous]

False God- Sean Wallace

Disclaimer: No gifs or photos are mine unless stated otherwise.

Warning: A violent, smutty NSFW Sean Wallace fic. What if that last day ended differently? What if Sean made it out with his wounds? And what if there was someone from his childhood who haunted him just as much as he haunted her?

Subject: Sean X Y/N

Growing up, Sean Wallace and I were one in the same. We liked the same jokes, ate our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches cut the same way- in triangles- and our only real difference was that I was an American. Our fathers, both legendary crime bosses in their own right, were great business partners and made each other filthy rich. We were dangerously similar.

Until we weren’t.

I’d been in America when Finn Wallace was murdered, and I’d stayed in America during the aftermath. My father had cared deeply for Finn, but the world we lived in was fucking brutal, cold, and my dad would never risk my well being by allowing me to go to the UK to be with Sean.

Hearing about all of it had been a nightmare, though. Hearing about murders and the carnage, communities and families wiped out when Sean locked the city down. My heart ached for the boy I once knew and feared for the man that was, and then, just as quickly as it all blew up, the flames went out. All was quiet.

Sean Wallace was dead.

Or so the world thought. My father, who had an in with Billy and Jac, knew the truth. The Wallace family had connections within the police force- cliché, right?- and when a few of their own found him lying in a pool of his own blood, bleeding out from his fucking face, they quickly pronounced him dead at the scene. I didn’t know the ins and outs, didn’t care to, because the life I lived now was so far from the life I was forced to live as a child. All I knew was they got him out of there and Sean Wallace, as London knew him, was dead.

I needed him to stay that way.

It had been nearly a year since then, nearly a year since I last had the nerve to ask my dad about him. I think he knew how I felt, knew I had gone to great lengths to distance myself from him and my mother and the hellish, brutal life they created. But that didn’t mean my dad didn’t love me. I knew he did in his own, twisted way, and I knew he caught on to the hurt I felt whenever Sean’s name was mentioned.

So he stopped mentioning it.

Billy and Jac were stateside and living under different names, that much I knew. I had yet to see them, but I knew they were close enough to drive to because my mother had made sure to mention in her last email that their “home was beautiful and they think it was quite rude of you not to come around and visit, Y/N.”

It was bullshit. Billy and Jac didn’t feel any type of way about me, we were never close. That was reserved specifically for Sean and me. And look how well that turned out.

I was haunted by the ghost of a man I didn’t even know anymore.

He was labeled as a terrorist and maybe that’s what hurt more than anything. I could never scream from the rooftops how much I fucking loved him because that’s crazy. Because who could love a terrorist? Who could love a man that had murdered, cheated, stolen to get his way? And if I did love him, what kind of woman did that make me?

It was a thought that had been in my mind on replay all day long, the musings drifting into the night as I drove towards my childhood home. I had made the agreement with my parents- namely my father- that once a month I would return home for dinner. It was nearly a two hour drive but one that I committed to because if I didn’t I knew they would show up at my apartment. And what twenty-something year old woman wants her parents showing up at her apartment unannounced?

The gravel ground under my tires as I pulled my all black BMW into the driveway. It was already dark and I knew my mother would have something to say about me showing up late, but at least I showed up. Sure, I was still wearing the navy blue pantsuit I’d worn at work all day and I usually changed whenever I had dinner with them, but my mind was occupied tonight. By thoughts of Sean. By thoughts of Sean getting his face blown off. Did it hurt? Did he remember? Would I ever know?

My father met me at the door. Six foot three and wide like a linebacker, the man was not to be messed with. He was no nonsense and the only people he smiled at were me and the people he was going to shoot right before he shot them. You can do what you want with that information.

“My little angel,” he said and reached for me, taking both my hands in his and bringing them to his lips. It was a simple gesture but one he did every single time. It was the one constant my dad ever provided me. “How was the drive up?”

“Traffic wasn’t too bad tonight, but I ended up getting out a bit later than I thought I would.”

He swung an arm around me as we made our way through the marble foyer, my heels clacking against the floor. “My art gallery owner. Your mother and I are so proud of you.”

I raised my eyebrows. He was feeding me bullshit, both he and my mom wanted me in the family business more than anything, but from the time I could voice my opinion I let them know. No. I would be taking no part in the family business.

Not that I didn’t know my shit. I knew my way around a gun shop and had a better shot than half the men my dad hired to protect us. I hit harder than my first two boyfriends and let everyone know that my last name was still my last name and not to fuck with me. I knew I was untouchable.

That didn’t mean I was embracing the lifestyle.

“Yeah, business is going great, I even hired someone part-time to help out.”

“Background check?”

I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Of course.”

“Family ties?”

“Her name is Mindy and she’s from a farm in rural Kansas.”

He paused and raised his eyebrows, one of the rare times my father ever looked shocked. “She doesn’t even know what our last name holds, does she?”

I shook my head. “Not a clue.”

He laughed his hearty, deep chuckle and stopped us at the bar cart outside of the dining room. As always, he grabbed two tumblers and threw a handful of ice in each before adding to fingers of whiskey. Our favorite. One of our few commonalities. “Proud of you, kid.”

“Thanks, dad.”

I was about to ask him how his week was when my mother’s voice drifted in from the balcony. She liked to drink her wine out there at night, before dinner. Just one glass, but it was a ritual she followed religiously. Her voice was somewhat raspy, a little cold, and I could hear her laughter as though it was wrapping around me like a vine.

But that was the thing; my mother drank her wine outside alone. That was her time. So who was she laughing at?

I glanced over my shoulder at my father to find him looking as though he was at a loss for words. It was so rare that he was speechless, a man of his stature always held a level of composure that was sometimes shocking. But not this time.

“Dad, wha-“

“You’re going to want to finish that drink, angel.”

My blood ran cold at his words. His tone was low, suddenly serious. The lighthearted moment from before was gone, something dark and heavy in its place.

I should have listened to him and finished the drink because as soon as I turned around I was met with the coldest, most pristine set of blue eyes I’d ever seen. Eyes that I once swore I would drown in someday.

Sean Wallace was standing eight feet in front of me. It was the first time we had seen each other in years, the first time I’d seen him since he was… dead.

His face was… fucked. Marred by the bullet that ripped through his left cheek on that fateful day. The skin was raised, almost burn-like, and left a medium sized indent in what would otherwise be a perfectly symmetrical face. His left eyelid held a little lower and it looked like he tried to cover up the other, minor scars with the facial hair that littered his jaw and around his mouth.

But even with the new, broken face, Sean Wallace was still the most breathtaking man in the room. His suit was impeccable and fit him like a glove, the stormy gray matching the storm that seemed to be raging in his eyes. His tie was a navy that matched my own suit and it felt like the universe was pointing at me and laughing. It felt like that bitch was having the time of her life watching me suffer.

“I…” I started, unsure of how to finish.

“I didn’t mean to startle you. I know this” he held a hand up to his face “is a lot to take in.”

I already shook my head, my stomach turning at the thought of him thinking he was ugly. “No! No, I… I, I’m, I wasn’t-“

“Best private schools in the state and she still has that damn stutter.” My mother’s cutting voice ceased my own and I bit at the inside of my cheek. She came around the corner in all her glory, designer dress, perfect manicure and not a hair out of place.

She made me fucking sick.

“It’s nice to see you.” I finally managed to get the words out, although I didn’t know if I was talking to Sean or my mom.

“Jesus, Y/N, you couldn’t even change first?”

“I think she looks great.” Sean’s voice caught everyone off guard and even my mom turned to look at him. “Beautiful, really. You always looked great in a suit.”

I knew he was referring to my high school graduation. Sean was two years older and had flown in to see me graduate. My mom, ever the lady, was determined to force me into a nightmare of a ball gown while I wanted a simple, chic suit. Sean had been there for the entire screaming match, laughing at my mother as she tripped over the dress she had been hellbent on making me wear.

I couldn’t help the small smile that tugged my lips and nodded at him. “Thank you.”

He nodded in return and said nothing else.

“Let’s eat, shall we?” I felt my dad’s hand on my back as he ushered me into the dining room. My feet felt like stone blocks were attached to them as I walked, feeling Sean directly behind me with his eyes burning holes into my suit jacket.

We all sat in silence with the ghost of my past sitting directly across from me. Sean made no secret that he was staring at me and it reminded me of the ignorant young boy I once knew. Sean knew he was handsome, powerful, and could easily get his way. He held himself with the confidence of a man who had everything and it seemed a gunshot to the face didn’t change that.

“You’ve managed to stay under the radar.” I noted as one of the maids poured red wine into my glass.

“Y/N!” my mother scolded.

I raised my eyebrows and didn’t glance in her direction, my eyes holding Sean’s. “What? Are we supposed to sit here and pretend everything is normal? You want me to ask him about the weather?”

“Y/N…” my father’s tone held a warning in it.

“No, she’s right.” Sean spoke up as I took a hearty gulp of wine. “Facial reconstruction had me laid up for a bit. Reconstructing an entire cheekbone can be tricky. And expensive.”

I nodded. “Especially when the entire cheekbone belongs to a dead man.”

The room fell quiet with even the staff scurrying to disappear. My mother was glaring at me and I was sure my father was too, but I didn’t care. I’d spent my entire childhood and teen years caring about and loving Sean only for him to cut me off when he became Finn’s minion and then fake his own fucking death a few years after. He got so caught up in the Wallace life, in the life I thought we both hated, that he forgot about me. And I was angry about it.

“I deserve that.” His accent was the same as always. Smooth. Elegant. The best that private school could buy. “I should have reached out sooner as I knew my siblings were in touch.”

My mother, the martyr, was quick to reassure him. “Sweetheart, you don’t owe us anything. We’re just so happy you’re alright.”

She was so warm with him, a complete contrast to how she acted with me. It was a constant reminder that she always wanted a son and ended up with me instead.

My father opened his mouth to speak when his right hand, Marcus, walked in with a phone in his hand. His face looked pinched, stressed, and my father immediately stood. “Excuse me.”

Sean nodded politely and turned to my mother, but she was already standing and following behind dad, sensing his stress.

“Should we be concerned?”

I shook my head, my eyes still trained in the doorway. “I doubt it.”

Things were quiet then. Too fucking quiet. So quiet I felt like I was suffocating. I took a sip of wine. Then another. Another until my glass was empty and the bottle was taunting me from the center of the table.

“You have every right to be angry.”

“I’m not angry.” I was instantly defensive.

His smile was small, but it was there. “You always were a shit liar.”

“You were always a good one.”

His smile disappeared then and I was soon sitting across from the gangster that was always lurking underneath. Sean could do cool, calm, and collected. But he could only hide the angry, arrogant Wallace traits for so long. 

“I… can’t remember the last time we were face to face.”

I shrugged my shoulders, suddenly uncomfortable. “Christmas. Six years ago. Kingston.”

His smile- God, that fucking smile- reappeared. “You threw a drink in my face.”

“You called me a spoiled fucking twat.”

“You were acting like one.”

Now it was my turn to smile. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it. My early twenties were filled with vodka soda fueled arguments and boyfriends that my family- and Sean- hated. I was so different, that girl doesn’t even seem real anymore.

I was about to respond when I heard shouting coming from down the hall. My father’s office.

Sean and I stood at the same time, both of us sensing a certain level of danger. My father rarely ever shouted, it had to be something catastrophic for him to raise his voice like that.

Entering the hall, I quickly grabbed my bag next to the bar cart and produced my glock before tucking it into my waistband. Sean watched me silently the entire time. He was getting a little too comfortable with staring at me.

“Always prepared.”

“Family business, right?” I shot back at him over my shoulder as we neared my father’s study.

“No, no, fucking No! What do you mean they’re all dead? An entire fucking warehouse of people and they’re all fucking dead?”

My heart stopped in my chest. That was… impossible. The warehouses were untouchable, no one knew where they were unless they were part of our inner circle. Our microscopic inner circle. Which could only mean one thing…

It was an inside job.

“Fuck.” I spat. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Y/N, something’s happened.” My mother appeared in the doorway as we approached.

“Who did it?” I asked, getting straight to the point. “Any ideas?”

My dad was seated behind his wooden desk, a desk so large it was fit for a king. When I was a child I would spend hours in there reading on the stuffed leather couch while he worked silently. It was one of the few places I felt “safe” growing up.

“Kensington’s dead.” Our eyes met.

Rodger Kensington was my father’s longtime business partner and someone who was like an uncle to me. He’d been there at my prom, my graduation, and when I took my first steps. He was… family.

“Shit.” Sean’s word was quick and quiet, but then I remembered he knew Rodger too, and he knew what this meant.

“What about Sherry? The kids?” I was desperate to make sure their little ones were alright, they were all so young.

“They’re fine. They weren’t home, they-“

My father never got the words out as one of the staff walked in. I had turned at the sound of him entering the room, just barely meeting his eye as he raised his arm, a small handgun pointed directly at the man whose home we were in.

“Y/N!” My mother screaming my name like that would haunt my nightmares for months after.

A single shot rang out and my ears rang, a gasp leaving my lips as I reached for the gun in my waistband. But it wasn’t there.

The man was dead, a gunshot to the temple with crimson blood spilling all over the Italian wood floors. And then there was Sean, standing at my side with my gun pointed straight ahead, a dead look in his eyes.

It was all dangerously quiet and I could hear my own heartbeat, but only for a moment. Because as soon as I took a single breath, shit hit the fan.

My mother released a blood curdling scream, Marcus rushing to her side and grabbing her as she collapsed. My father, stoic, stood and walked over to the wardrobe near the window, swiftly pulling out guns and rounds of ammo. More security rushed in and I stood next to Sean, everything moving in slow motion. I could hear voices, hear my dad barking commands at his security who acted like his soldiers.

“There’s blood on my shoes.”

“What?”

What? Did I just say there was blood on my shoes? But it was true. My expensive cream suede shoes had blood splatter on them and I was ninety percent sure there was bone fragment near my heel.

“Blood. On my shoes.” My voice sounded far away.

Sean was suddenly in front of me and tucking my gun back into my waist while everyone shouted around us. “I’ll buy you a new pair. Bought them at the store on fifth, yeah?”

“How the fuck did you-“ I stopped, putting two and two together. “Have you been watching me?”

Sean’s face changed then and he straightened his shoulders. Our height nearly matched but only because of my heels, and I knew his gesture was dominant, authoritative. “I promise we can talk about that later, but-“

I pushed past him and walked towards my father who was barking orders into a phone. “Did you have Sean keep tabs on me?”

“Y/N, this isn’t the time for you to complain about your independence.”

I slammed my hand down on the wooden desk the same way I had watched him do it so. Many. Times. “Answer me!”

My father, all six foot three of him, stood tall and looked over me even with a desk separating us. “Watch yourself, young lady.”

“What the fuck is going on that you hired someone to watch me? That you hired Sean to watch me? What aren’t you telling me?”

He paused for the briefest of moments while everyone moved around us. I could hear safeties being turned off, my mom screaming down the hallway, and feel Sean standing close enough that I could smell his cologne.

“I’ve known for a bit that someone on the inside was giving information to Merkov brothers. Rodger and I spent months sifting through the weeds trying to figure out who it was. We had a break last night, I was going to tell you everything-“

“Four black SUV’s were spotted five miles from the property. Moving quickly. We need to go.” Marcus had appeared in the doorway sans my mother, his face wiped of anything sort of emotion. In fact, Marcus may have been the most emotionless man I had ever come into contact with. I would even venture to call him heartless.

“Shit.” My dad scrubbed a hand over his face. “I promise I will tell you everything, angel.” He looked at me, the desk separating us. “But right now you need to go and it can’t be back to your apartment.”

“Dad, I…” I had no idea what to say. I couldn’t go back to my apartment in the city, there was most definitely a hit out on my family, including myself, and Sean Wallace was back from the fucking dead. My day was going from bad to worse, my life blowing up in a twenty minute time span.

But I knew my last name, knew the weight it carried. I knew I had a certain responsibility to handle my shit and handle it well, with my shoulders back and my chin up.

“Where am I going?”

He was already on the move and I was on his heels, following him down the winding hallways of the home I grew up in. It was the same house that was sure to be shot to shit as soon as those SUV’s showed up.

“Harbor House.” He barked over his shoulder. “You can drive down there in the charger. Tinted windows. Marcus, have Anthony load a bag into the car. Ammo, guns, everything she’ll need.”

“No one knows where Harbor House is except us.” I reminded him. His business partners may have known about the warehouses and my father’s permanent residence, but Harbor House was for family and family alone.

“I’m not taking any chances, Y/N, not with you. Sean will accompany you and you’ll stay there until you hear from me. I’ll call-“

“What?” I cut him off. “Sean’s not coming with me.”

“I’m not taking any chances with you.” He repeated.

“I don’t need a babysitter.”

Sean cleared his throat behind me and I refused to look at him. I knew he was offended by what I’d said, but quite honestly I was offended by everything he had done since stepping foot in my parents’ home that day.

“This isn’t about what you need or want, Y/N. He’s going with you.”

I was about to fully lose my temper when shots rang out through the house. I reached for my glock and turned the safety off, immediately ducking behind a marble pillar with Sean’s hand on my elbow, holding me still.

There was yelling and gunshots, some of the housekeepers screaming bloody murder from the second and third floors. There was no way those SUV’s were already on the property, no way. It had to be someone else.

Someone had burned our entire fucking family.

“Dad!” I yelled as a bullet whirred past my head.

“Y/N, go! Now!” I could hear him but I couldn’t fucking see him. Marco was beating the shit out of a man dressed all in black, ripping his gun away and firing off a round into his chest. The smell of blood and gunpowder burned my nostrils and I winced.

“I’m not leaving you!” I screamed so loud my voice cracked.

“Sean!” My father shouted. “Get her the fuck out of here! Get her out now, kid! Now!”

I glanced over at Sean, warning him with my eyes not to touch me, but it was too late. He ripped the gun from my hand and wrapped an arm around my waist, tugging me backwards.

“Sean, no!” I screamed, trying to pull away.

“We have to go, Y/N.” He dragged me down the hall while I fought him the whole way , dragging my feet and scratching at the suit clad arm wrapped around my waist. He finally stopped at the side door at the end of the hall and yanked it open before tossing me in.

I stumbled across the cold concrete of the garage and caught myself against the car I was supposed to be leaving in.

Sean locked the door behind him and turned to me, my gun still in his hand. “In.” He motioned to the car.

Still the same, bossy man he always was. Without responding, I turned and made my way across the expansive garage, shoving a table out of the way and yanking open the drawers of a metal cabinet.

“Y/N!” Sean was losing his temper and we were losing time.

“You took my gun!” I finally screamed back, practically growling at him as I picked up twin Berettas and tucked them into the back of my waistband. I grabbed a rifle to throw into the backseat, and one more Glock since Sean had unceremoniously stolen mine and left me empty handed.

He was staring at me as I made my way back to the car, his chest heaving. God, he still looked good. A gunshot to the face only amplified how rough and beautiful he was. Dumb fucking asshole and his dumb fucking face.

I grabbed the keys from the wall and tossed them to Sean who caught them with one hand.

Show off, I thought to myself sullenly as I got into the passenger side, my heart leaping out of my chest. I was about to leave my parents to potentially die. My childhood home was being torn apart, half the staff that knew me since I was a child were now lying dead in the same house they’d dedicated their lives to. It made me sick.

“Just focus on driving.” I told him as the garage door began to rise. I could already see the shadows of feet on the concrete leaned halfway out the window, my nine millimeter raised. One shot to the knee and a man fell, a second shot between the eyes and he was done.

The second man was smart, moved off to the side and just out of aim, and Sean floored the gas pedal while I kept watch.

“Your left.” I said quietly and pointed the gun in front of him, sending shots flying out of the driver’s side door, taking out the second man who had been waiting for us.

“Three of them in front of the gate.” Sean nodded towards the gate at the side of the property, all of them holding assault rifles and aiming at us. “Duck.” he commanded with the car still in reverse.

“What?”

“Duck.” I felt his hand grab at the back of my head he shoved me down, my forehead nearly knocking against my knee as he picked up speed. A loud blast blew out the back windshield and then there was a loud, violent thunk.

His wide palm was still resting on the back of my head, grip so tight it made my scalp prickle in a way that annoyed me. My body had no business getting turned on while in the midst of this shit.

When the tires squealed against the gravel and we went surging forward, I sat back up. I could see smoke coming out of the windows, bullet holes in the brick and mortar. It was a fucking war zone and we were on our way out, leaving behind my family and any shred of sanity I had left.

Fuck.

* * * * * *

The ride to Harbor House was almost completely silent. Sean, ever the Brit, would curse out other drivers every now and then even though ninety percent of the mistakes were his own. Maybe I should have insisted on driving, but at the time the only thing I could think about was whether or not my parents got out.

Although we were never close, I didn’t wish death on my parents. Sure, I resented them for bringing me up in a life of chaos and violence and I’m well aware they caused me a lifetime of trauma, but that didn’t mean I wanted them dead. Definitely not murdered.

It was nearly midnight by the time we arrived. Harbor House was in an exclusive neighborhood and every home had a gate. It had been years since I was last at the house, but it held the only fond memories from my childhood. Harbor House and the Wallace house always felt like home to me. Strange that I was sitting next to a Wallace and not a single shred of me felt comfortable or at home. It was strange, when we were kids he was always my safe space.

I punched in the code and black iron gates opened up, promptly closing with a loud clang behind us. The property itself was a sprawling estate with a two floor home as well as a large yard, pool, and separate guest house. It was on the edge of a cliff and overlooked the Atlantic. Isolated. Safe. Private. The kind of place my family relied on to keep us safe.

“Pull the car into the garage, we’ll get a rental tomorrow.” My voice was monotonous. I felt so drained of every emotion other than pure exhaustion. I was covered in blood, my clothes smelled like gunpowder and sweat, I needed a hot shower.

Sean silently pulled into the garage and killed the engine. We sat there quietly for a moment, so quiet I couldn’t even hear him breathing. If he had any blood on him, I couldn’t tell. From this angle he looked every bit the GQ model. It was only when he turned his face to look at me that I got a glimpse of the mauled left half and got angry all over again.

I was angry at my parents for birthing me into this.

I was angry at whoever burned us.

I was angry at Sean for disappearing from my life in favor of violence. But I was so fucking angry that he had let it go so far that the world thought he was dead.

I almost wished he was.

“There’s five bedrooms. I trust that you’ll find one far away from me?” I phrased it like a question but we both knew it wasn’t.

He gave a curt nod.

The house was exactly as I remembered it. It even smelled the same. Hardwood floors, light walls, French doors leading to a beautiful deck. A kitchen so modern it would make Gordon Ramsey cream his pants. It was the homiest home my family had. It was my haven.

Only now Sean was here to cast a shadow over it.

“There’s plenty of clothes in all the guest bedrooms. My parents like to be prepared for every emergency, you know that.”

Sean nodded as he closed the door that connected to the garage. He locked it and was quick to set the code. The code that he definitely shouldn’t have had.

“How did you-“

“Your father.”

I raised my eyebrows incredulously. “My father gave you the codes to Harbor House?”

He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, eyes narrowing. “He gave me the code for the gate too, but I was polite enough to let you do it. That’s something, innit?”

He was being a smart ass, pushing my buttons on purpose simply because he could. Or because he’d had enough of my attitude. Either way, I wasn’t having it.

“You must be so fuckin’ proud of yourself. You still have an in with my father even after the shit you pulled in London. My father, Sean, not me. You don’t have shit with me and you made that perfectly clear.”

He squared his shoulders and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I sat on the edge of a beautiful cream colored sofa. I couldn’t wait to sink into it tomorrow with a good book.

I quickly fingered at the straps on my heels and kicked them off while mentally preparing for whatever speech he was about to throw my way.

“I’ve really had enough of you talking to me like I’m some shit person. Enough, Y/N.”

I stood back up, hating that I was smaller than him now as I turned on my heel and headed up the stairs. “If you hate my attitude so much then leave me the fuck alone and let me take a shower in peace.”

* * * * *

My shower was hot and relaxing and everything I needed. As soon as the steam surrounded me, I was able to calm down a bit, and once the hot water hit my skin I was able to sigh in relief. Washing off the blood and grime left me feeling like a whole new woman.

So new, in fact, I briefly forgot about the bane of my existence showering down the hall.

Sean. Showering. Sean in the shower with water dripping down his chest and into that perfect V of his hips. Sean’s hot, wet body pressed against mine. Sean’s-

“Can you not?” I said to my reflection as I ran a brush through my hair. Even when I was angry at him, violently angry, it was impossible to deny that he was attractive.

We never hooked up, not even when we were young. But there was always something there. We flirted. We toyed with each other. We got into nasty arguments. People noticed, my friends made comments. I always ignored them and played it off and said it was because we knew each other forever and just connected that way. They all argued that it was more.

I ignored them.

After changing into a comfortable pair of loose cotton pants and a long sleeved shirt, I made my way downstairs. The windows were open and I could hear the waves crashing against the cliff side. My favorite sound. It gave me peace. It soothed me.

The kitchen was empty and I grabbed a bottle of red wine with every intention of drinking the entire bottle. After pouring a rather large amount into the pristine crystal stemware my mother bought, I threw my head back and took a long, large sip.

Ugh. That’s better. I closed my eyes and took another sip, getting lost in the sound of the waves and the dark, cherry taste of the wine. A moment of peace after all the bullshit I had to endure tonight.

It was only when Sean cleared his throat that I realized I wasn’t alone. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs wearing black sweats and a white t-shirt. Simple. Clean. Comfortable. If this had been a few years ago I would have been aching to curl up against him.

“Kitchen’s all yours,” I said as I grabbed my glass and bottle, preparing to go out back.

“You told me you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.” His words cut like a knife to my retreating back and it made me pause, not yet turning around. “You fucking told me you were done.”

I knew what he was referring to. The last time we spoke had been over the phone, maybe four years ago. It had been a normal night with normal conversation and normal “I miss yous”. Sean had truly been one of my best friends and closest confidants. And then the conversation turned ugly when he informed me his father was sending him out on a seriously violent, potentially fatal, mission. Our argument had gotten vile and I said horrible things. He did too, including telling me to “stop acting like a girlfriend because you’re so fucking lonely”.

That had been my breaking point. He reminded me so much of Finn then. He dressed like him, spoke like him, became a carbon copy of him, and I was having none of it. So I had told him to fuck off and lose my number, to never call me again, to pretend I was dead.

It was the one time Sean listened to me and the one time I wished he hadn’t.

To this day, I got embarrassed when I thought about what he had said to me. The way he screamed and the way he humiliated me. Maybe I was lonely, maybe it came off as clingy, but my intentions were always good and I never thought I was a burden to him. But after that last conversation I spent years telling myself that’s exactly what I was. A burden. I checked in too much, my double texting him probably got on his nerves. Constantly complaining about our families when I knew how fortunate I was to live such a lavish life made me sound spoiled, he got tired of it. I spent years convincing myself there was no possible way he missed me and I didn’t miss him either.

“Do you even remember our last conversation?” I turned slowly to face him. “Do you remember what you said?”

He took a step forward and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Of course I do. I’ve had plenty of time to think about it- you. I’d been out drinking with my father-“

“And then turned into him?”

“Oh, fuck off then.” He shook his head, his frustration evident as he rounded the marble island in the kitchen. An expert, he seemed to know where everything was. The glasses. The whiskey.

“I’m not wrong.” I defended myself.

Sean laughed and the sound was hollow, sarcastic. He took a sip of whiskey before turning to me with a cold look in his eyes. “And I wasn’t wrong that day either. Was I?”

I scowled at him to mask the absolute hurt I was experiencing. My heart ached. He’d known he was hurting me. He didn’t care. He remembered and he didn’t care.

“Oh, fuck you, Sean.” I whispered before quickly pushing through the french doors and stepping onto the deck.

“Oi!” Sean shouted as I slammed the doors behind me, taking off down the steps, wine glass in hand.

“I’m not done talking to you.” Sean was hot on my heels.

“The conversation is over.”

“Like hell it is.” I felt long, thick fingers curl around my elbow and then he was hauling me back against him. “You say what you want to say and then think we’re done. We’re not.”

I ripped my arm back and shoved my finger in his face. “I’ve waited four years to say this shit to you!”

“So have I!” He shouted back, the vein in his neck becoming prominent. The female part of my brain wondered what it would feel like to run my tongue along that vein, feel it pulse against my mouth.

Wrong time, I thought to myself and shook my head. “You fucked off for four years, faked your own death, and now I found out my father has had you following me. I don’t know what kind of weird, stalker fetish you’ve developed, but it’s really not doing anything for me.”

Okay, maybe that last part was flat out bitchy, but at that point I didn’t care.

I drained my wine glass while I waited for his response.

“Would you like to tell me about your fetishes?”

“Sure, they all involve watching you bleed out.”

“Should have been there a year ago then, yeah?”

I didn’t have a response for that. I zeroed in on the left half of his face, the scar on his cheek. His cheekbone curved differently, probably because it was handmade, and his scar disappeared into his stubble. He looked so vastly different from the Sean I used to know. He was hardened by life, by Finn’s life. Thirty and angry and alone and legally dead.

I ached for the Sean I once knew, but this wasn’t him.

“How long have you been watching me?”

“A little more than three months.”

“Three months?” I was shocked. I’d had a tail for three months and I didn’t even know it? How embarrassing.

“You wouldn’t have known.” It was as though he could read my mind. “I’ve always been better at it than you.”

“You’re so fucking cocky.” I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or slap him, so instead I walked past him and back up the stairs, making my way back into the house to refill my glass. I knew he was following me, knew that the alcohol in my bloodstream was making me feel bold, more bold than I was sober.

Sean closed the French doors, the lock clicking with a tone of finality. I was too aware of it.

“You were shit as hide and seek when we were kids.”

“So that makes you a better spy?”

His tone was serious when he responded. “I was never spying on you. I didn’t have access to your flat. I didn’t follow you around with that ugly wanker with gray hair.”

“Leave Beckett out of this.”

“Beckett?” It was the first time his face had resembled something other than anger. He looked amused. “You’re dating a man named Beckett?”

I cocked my head to the side, narrowing my eyes. “We actually aren’t discussing my dating life, we’re talking about my stalker.”

“Stop saying that. It was to and from work. Only when you were out in public.”

“That doesn’t make it okay!” I finally shouted. None of what happened today was okay. Sean, my dad, the shootout. None of it was okay. “You don’t get to keep up with my fucking life when I have to pretend you’re dead!”

“Lower your voice.” Sean took a step forward.

“Fuck off!” I shouted even louder than before. “You don’t get to just come back and bark orders at me. This isn’t London, Sean!”

“Enough.” He took another step forward and I backed up, reaching for my wine glass.

He was so calm, so fucking collected while I was beginning to fall apart. I hated him for it. Fuck Sean Wallace, I wanted him to hurt the way I did. So, without thinking twice, I hurled my glass at him. Sean barely dodged it, whipping his head to the side as it soared past him and landed on the floor in a million little pieces.

He was a blur as he flew across the kitchen, growling as he slammed my back up against the wall. I cried out as searing pain sent shock waves down my back, but I was too angry to focus on it. My hands instantly went into fight mode and my fingers caught the tip of his nose as I swiped at him, but he pulled his head back, out of my reach.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” He roared in my face. “Are you bloody mental?” His hands circled my wrists and he pinned them at my sides, effectively halting my movements.

Stuck between Sean and the wall, I suddenly couldn’t breathe. “Let me go.”

“The fuck I will.” He squeezed my wrists harder.

“Sean.” I shoved myself against him and he did the same thing, his face even closer than before. I could smell the whiskey on his breath, see the smattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. God, he was a sight. “Fuck. Off.”

His eyes zeroed in on my mouth as I enunciated the words, nostrils flaring slightly. My breasts were pressed against his chest and I couldn’t move even if I wanted to, because suddenly we were staring each other eye to eye and I couldn’t look anywhere else. I was drowning the way I always imagine I would except this time I didn’t want it. I wanted no part of it.

“Don’t even think about it.” I whispered softly.

“Or what?” Sean’s remark felt snide and childish, something I would have happily said to him had he not leaned down and slid his lips over mine. It was a light touch, so soft I barely felt it. But I still gasped because it was Sean’s lips touching mine and I hated that I liked it so much.

At the sound of my sharp intake of breath, he smirked. “I fucking knew it.” And then he smashed his lips against mine, not letting up on the grip he had on my wrists.

Sean’s tongue pushed past my lips and slid against mine, weakening my reserve just a bit. He tasted good, his scruff scratched against the edges of my mouth and I reveled in it, loving how rough he felt.

He fucking engulfed my mouth, taking complete control of the kiss and demanding that I give him more. Forgetting the position we were in, he let go of my wrists in favor of cupping my face, wide palms against my cheeks.

I should have pushed him away, should have told him to leave, but the simple truth was that Sean Wallace knew how to kiss. He kissed like a man, held my face, stroked rough thumbs over my cheekbones, and swallowed my moans. He crowded me, stood so close our torsos were touching while we made out against the kitchen wall. Our tongues touched, teeth clashed, and when I sucked Sean’s bottom lip into my mouth the groan he let out was guttural. Animalistic.

But the noise was enough to bring me back to reality and I shoved my hands against his chest, pushing him away from me as hard as I could.

Sean stumbled back and caught himself on the counter. He was just as caught up as I was, his eyes wild, cheeks flushed red.

“You’ve got some nerve.” I cleared my throat and wiped my mouth, still tasting him on my tongue.

“Me?” He had the audacity to smile, still clearly fired up. “You were the one sucking my lip like it was my cock.”

My cheeks felt hot. The way he said cock with the accent and the smirk… it murdered me on the inside. It absolutely killed me how good it sounded. “You wish.”

“Every fucking night.” Sean stepped forward again. “I think about you sucking my cock every. Fucking. Night.”

His admission left me breathless. It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me. The thought of Sean laying in bed at night and thinking about my mouth wrapped around his dick lit me up. I was hot everywhere.

“Sean-“

“Shut the fuck up.” He crowded me again, this time wrapping one arm around my back and pulling me against him. “For once in your life, please, Y/N, shut the fuck up.”

Cupping the back of my head, Sean kissed me again. I wanted to fight him, wanted to tell him to fuck off, but that would only prove him right. I really did have a problem with shutting the fuck up.

So, I kissed him back. I gave it my all, twining my arms around his neck and leaning against him. Sean tongue fucked my mouth as though he’d been dying to for years, and after his admission I wondered if he had. His body felt warm against mine and feeling his fingertips glide along the exposed area of my lower back made my knees nearly buckle.

He smiled against my mouth and before I knew it, Sean was sliding both hands down, gripping my hips and hoisting me in the air. My legs locked around his waist instantly, ankles crossing at the small of his back while he carried me through the kitchen.

Our mouths never stopped touching. I’d been waiting years to kiss Sean. I’d been waiting years to slap the fuck out of him as well, but right now the only thing I cared about was keeping our mouths fused together for as long as humanly possible. I felt drunk on him, on the taste of whiskey on his tongue.

I didn’t realize we were in the living room until Sean sat down on the couch with me straddling his lap. I took the opportunity to pull back slightly, his lips chasing my own, and I smiled at the way he leaned forward. I cupped the right side of his face, loving the way his scruff felt against my soft palm. He truly was beautiful, the red-brown hair and beard, the plump mouth that spent more time scowling than smiling. His freckles, God, when we were young I could have spent hours counting them.

And then there was that scar. That brutal, obvious scar. The trauma his body must have gone through made me sick and when I reached up to run my fingers over the jagged, raised skin, Sean was quick to grab my wrist in a bruising grip.

“Don’t touch me there.”

But I wanted to. So badly. But it was clear in his reaction, in the stiffness of his body, that he was serious. Of all the limits Sean DIDN’T have, touching the left side of his face was one of them and I had no choice but to respect it.

“Fine, how about you touch me then?”

It was all the incentive Sean needed and he flipped me onto my back, hovering over me with one hand braces on the back of the couch. Our eyes held as I slid my hands down his chest, his heartbeat pulsing under my hand as I slid lower, lower still until I gripped the hem of his shirt and yanked it up. He leaned back, only for a moment to rip the shirt off his head and send it flying.

Fair skinned with broad shoulders and a tapered waist, I itched to lick the V that disappeared into his waistband. He may have been injured, but he hasn’t been resting this last year. Sean didn’t have the body of a man who rested, he had the Jody of a man who was constantly pushing himself. He was strong in every sense of the word and it made me pathetically, desperately wet for him.

“Your turn,” he said against my lips, fingers playing under my shirt and sliding along my ribs. “You’re so fucking soft.” He whispered against the skin of my cheek.

Unable to help myself, I reached down to cup him through his sweats. Jesus… Christ. “You’re so fucking not.”

Sean laughed then, but I was dead serious. Either Sean was hiding a gun in his pants or his cock was just that fucking solid. And… thick. Even through his pants I could tell. I squeezed once and he let out a guttural groan, the sound sending shock waves between my legs. I wanted that sound on a loop for the rest of my life.

He pushed my shirt up and over my head, eyes zeroing in on my breasts. “Fuck me…” He trailed off, cupping one in his hand and giving a firm squeeze as he settled his eight between my legs. I could feel him against my clit even with barriers of clothing separating us.

“I always wondered what your nipples looked like.” He licked one gently and my back arched hard, my whole body tightening. “They’re so much better than my imagination.”

Sean fastened his mouth against my nipple and he sucked, flicking his tongue against the sensitive bud while I writhed underneath him. My nails scraped through his shirt hair, digging into his scalp and holding him against me. He said he had wondered what they would look like, but I spent the better part of a decade wondering what this would feel like.

Fuck, it felt good.

Sean’s hips ground against mine as he moved to my other nipple, hands roaming felt over my body, gripping my clothes thighs and sliding up my sides. Tracing along my collarbone, fingers tugging at the nipple that wasn’t getting any attention.

I felt like a horny teenager, aching to have him inside me as fast as humanly possible. My nails raked over his shoulders and he gave a delicious growl in return, leaning up and hovering over me again. 

“I’ve thought about your mouth on my cock for ages, but right now the only thing I want is to be buried inside you. That okay?”

I was modding before he even finished speaking. Fuck a blowjob, fuck foreplay. I didn’t need that with Sean, not now. Right now I just needed… connection. I was almost desperate for it and it fucking terrified me.

Sean leaned back on his knees and hooked his fingers into my pants, tugging them down in one swift move and leaving me completely naked and sprawled out in front of him. His eyes raked over me and my breath hitched in my throat. He could see… everything.

“Fuck me… this body was fucking made for me.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, wiggling my brows. “A bit cocky, yeah?”

“No.” His face was serious, eyes focused as they raked over my breasts, my hips, my legs, zeroing in on the spot between my thighs. Sean slid one long, thick finger over my slit and I cried out, my body stiffening. “I knew you’d be bald here.” He repeated the motion. “Been dying to see that tattoo on your thigh for ages.”

I’d gotten the tattoo when I was 20 and officially moved out of my parents house. It was one of those stupid young decisions, but I didn’t regret it. It was a snake that wrapped all the way around my right thigh, the snake’s tongue permanently engraved on my inner thigh like an invitation. Or a warning.

“And?” I asked inquisitively, rubbing a hand absentmindedly down my stomach.

“And I think this body was fucking made for me.”

His lips came crashing down on mine again and I wrapped my bare legs around his waist, loving the way his hip bones pressed into my thighs. He littered kisses over my cheekbone, an oddly sweet gesture, and then absolutely assaulted my neck, licking and biting and nipping at my collarbone until I cried out.

I reached down, yanking at his sweats and pushing them down his thighs with my heels. I was fucking dying for Sean Wallace to be inside of me, I couldn’t even breathe because I wanted him so badly. Needed him, needed to know what it was like to feel him.

“Sean.” I gasped as he braced one hand above my head, the other one gripping his cock and lining it up at my entrance. I gripped his bicep when he pushed the tip in, my nails digging half crescents into his skin.

“Sean.” I repeated his name, this time somewhat panicked because what the fuck was I doing? Was I really about to fuck him?

“Remember when I told you to shut the fuck up?” Sean’s eyes met mine and he gave one sharp, hard thrust and was suddenly inside me so deep I swore I could feel him in my cervix.

I didn’t even have time to gasp, my mouth fell open in a silent scream and Sean’s groan was something I’d think about for months. He was so deep I felt as though I couldn’t breathe, looking up at him completely frozen.

“Oh, fuck.” He finally breathed out. “That’s right, so good you can’t even speak.”

“I… hate you.” I finally managed, leaning up and catching his bottom lip between my teeth, tugging so hard he let out a groan of pain.

“You don’t hate me.” Sean pulled nearly all the way out before slamming back inside me, giving me no warning or time to breathe. But the yelp I let out was enough to make him smirk.

Cocky bastard.

Fine, I could play. Tightening my legs around his waist, I raked my nails down his back and watched his face change, jaw clenching tight. I licked his collarbone before sucking the skin there. I sucked hard and didn’t stop until I felt his fingers tangle in my hair and yank me back, forcing me to look at him.

“You’re not the fucking boss right now.” He practically growled the words, not letting up on the grip on my hair. He pumped in and out of me, my scalp pricking with a weird, pleasurable pain that left me moaning for more.

Sean’s thrusts got harder and I cried out when he hit that spot, so deep I could feel him everywhere. “Sean!” I cried his name, my breath hitching in my throat.

He let my hair go in favor of those perfect ducking fingers wrapping around my throat. His thumb pressed firmly under my jaw, I had no other choice but to look at him as he fucked me into oblivion.

“Fuck, I missed you.” He groaned, pressure on my throat tightening just a bit. “Thought about you every fucking day.”

I was instantly thrown back into reality. Everything that happened that day. The shooting. Sean coming back from the dead, all of it.

“Nope, stay with me.” Sean commanded, sensing my disconnect. He slowed his thrusts leaning down to lick at my lips lightly. It was oddly erotic and I found myself whimpering for more. “That’s it, relax for me.”

“I…” I started desperately. “I can’t. Sean-“

He squeezed my throat harder and I suddenly gasped, my air being cut off. “Relax.” His voice was oddly soothing. “You can still breathe.”

I shook my head.

He paused his thrusts, once again settling deep inside me with my legs splayed. “Yes, you can. I’m not squeezing that hard. Breathe.”

I took in a breath. It was shallow, but it was there. Letting it out slowly, I repeated the motion, Sean catching on and thrusting every time I exhaled. It all felt different like this, barely able to breathe and dripping wet onto the couch. I’d never wanted someone more and I was terrified, I’d never been “handled” the way he was handling me, treating me like I was his.

“Been waiting years to feel you come on my cock.” He groaned when he released my throat, leaning back on his heels and looking down at where we were connected. “God, you’re soaked. Made a proper mess all over me.”

I moaned because at that point words were not possible. My stomach felt tight, I felt like I was going to cry or laugh or scream. I felt like I was going crazy.

And then Sean rubbed his thumb over my clit, watching me jerk, and I knew I was done for. He did it again and again, giving me shallow strokes while he rubbed the little bundle of nerves that were certainly going to send me into a tailspin.

“Sean, please.” My back arched and I shouted, so fucking close, teetering on the edge.

“Come all over my cock so I can watch you lick it off after.”

My mouth fell open and I screamed his name, my orgasm hitting me like a ton of bricks. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling Sean lean over me and wrap an arm around my back.

He picked up the pace while I clung to him, whispering in my ear about how he’d wanted it forever, how this was his, how I was his. It was overwhelming, yet I couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than rake my nails through his hair and whisper his name over and over again in his ear.

“Fuck.” Sean’s groan was long and low, stroking into me one, two, three more times before holding himself still, his climax hitting him as hard as mine hit me. 

His arms shook as he held himself over me, eventually collapsing onto my chest in a huff. We sat there silently, the sound of the waves crashing against the cliff side lulling us. Sean’s right cheek was pressed against my breast and his dick was still inside me. He was as close as he could possibly be but I somehow wanted him closer. I wanted to fucking absorb him into my body, keep him there forever and enjoy the weight of him on me.

“Sean?” I whispered, wondering if he was still awake.

“Hm?”

I ran my fingers lightly over the back of his neck and delighted in his shiver. “I’m really glad you’re not dead.”

He lifted his head then, searching my face for some sort of emotion, but I forced myself to remain stoic. It took Sean fucking my brains out for me to realize how much I missed him. How much I fucking loved him. But I couldn’t tell him that, I couldn’t give him that much power over me.

“Today was the first time in a year that I was thankful that bullet didn’t kill me.” Sean’s words were honest, quiet.

We didn’t say anything after that, we didn’t really need to. In that moment we were safe, together after years of being apart, and now all we had to do was wait for word from my father. Until then, I was going to enjoy whatever time I had with Sean and I prayed I would never have to pretend he was dead again.

[nemuitoka]

What are your favorte jshk fanfics? also where do you like reading them the most?

Hi Anon!!! today is the day I can finally answer this question😈 ahaha you know how much I enjoy making fic recs so 👀 Let’s go!!!

To answer your second question first, I like reading them on AO3 the most! Mostly because I get almost unlimited number of characters to rant in the comment section........... 😆but also the tagging system is very helpful.

Okay, now to the fun part of this ask😏

You said JSHK, but I mostly read Hananene ones so all of my favs include that pairing... as  I already did a fic rec here of my favs, this list will continue that one, so please check that one first hehe ((I apologize in advance..., I would love for people to recommend me some mitsukou ones tbh... I’m really lost when it comes to other pairings orz)) 

If I’m completely honest with you anon-san, my favorite JSHK fic right now is the one Roxanne ( @istoleyourboat )  wrote based of my art and her snippet:

Star-Crossed and Falling- Where Stars Go to Die by lilaflo

Hanako is Princess Nene’s personal knight 👀. A tale of forbidden love. They slowly fall in love as they exchange a series of gifts, one that includes a pair of matching earrings that remind them of their love when they’re apart. Also, jelly Hanako of Nene’s suitors😏... Oh, but nothing lasts forever and those sweet moments will come to an end when they have to face their cruel reality, in this world, they don’t get to choose neither their battles or the ones they love.

Now more of Roxanne, because I seriously enjoy her work so much (I’m sure everyone knows by now lmao sdkj) 

Night of the Phantom King by lilaflo 

This one is a spooky one. Nene’s regret for never realizing who she truly loves takes her to mourn her deceased friend Amane and cry on his grave in a Halloween night, then suddenly the Phantom King comes to take her away👀 & he looks suspiciously familiar... Beautiful world building btw, also the ending is just, excellent. 

12 Year Romance by lilaflo

Amane meets Nene at the Tanabata festival, she’s older than him, but he falls for her instantly, fast forward, Amane is now in middle school, he’s a troublemaker, & gets constantly into fights, but he swears the new school nurse looks familiar... he then realizes it’s her and thinks it must be fate!!!... This one hits close to home bc I’ve been in this situation irl, so I can confirm all of Nene’s struggles are real (and ofc how a love with an age gap should be handled the correct way, this fic really teaches you many life lessons hahaha) 

took a sip then another sip, then you turned and said to me by chivalrousamour 

This autor has a bunch of good JSHK fics!! I recommend you check their AO3 out, bec you may find something you like for sure! But, this is my absolute fav from them. Nene is a mangaka, celebrating the finishing of her long serialized manga, while Amane is a delivery boy who happens to find her in a very questionable state in her house👀 (it’s all family friendly ofc, anon, I’m not a slimy pervert like some ghost boy)

Maid for Each Other by corologs ( @corologs )

Courtney has this amazing College AU collection series that I encourage you to check out!!! But Maid for each other is my fav!!! So it’s the Yugi twins birthday, and it’s Tsukasa’s turn to choose where they go to celebrate it... you can already tell where this is going... (let the chaos begin) & as the title said, it involves maids!!! (it has Kaicho wa maid sama vibes if you liked that anime~~)

If I Could Tell Her by corologs

What if the picture perfect arc plan was successful??? Well, this fic explores this idea, and it’s very interesting to read. I like how Amane and Hanako are two separate people here.

the horizon tries but it’s just not as kind on the eyes by sincerelyand ( @sunlightinourheadlights ) 

(Oh my sweet Karen, she writes such good fics, so go check her AO3 out as well!!) Amane and Yashiro are friends that share an apartment (& they were roommates-- OMG they were roommates), even if Amane has its complains, because Nene can be a handful sometimes (and in denial of her true feelings as always, are we even surprised at this point?) he loves her dearly anyways😭.

for real, this time by sourlemoncandy  ( @sour-lemon-candy )

Did somebody say fake dating AU?????? Because hell yeah I did asajj I loved reading this so much!! Nene and Amane are childhood friends, and Nene overhears some girls talking about Amane and how one of them plans to ask him out... but she senses these girls are up to no good so she... well, you gotta read it to find out more~~ it’s no fun If I tell ya everything hehe... so go go go!!

lemon cream by sourlemoncandy

Amane and Nene, just two good friends having a road trip and sharing donuts... what could go wrong??  😏 seriously, I loved this fic so much!! Instant fav! Also makes me wanna try some good sweet donuts...

Trip Down Memory Lane by insipidenvy ( @insipidenvy )

This fic is so sweet. I have such a huge attachment to it, because I read it when I really needed some fluff in my life hahaha. It’s sort of a collection of memories between Amane and Yashiro’s relationship over the years. So heartwarming... if you need the fluffs you’ll enjoy this very much!!

The Radish Princess and the Toilet Prince by insipidenvy

This is my favorite fic from insipidenvy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know how I am a slut for Royalty AUs so that’s why!!!!! Also Toilet Prince!! hahahaha such a good nickname lmao. I love how they bond over their insecurities, it’s very relatable tbh. 

Between Wind and Water by WingSongHalo  ( @wingsonghalo )

My beautiful Wing always delivering the good Hananene content, as she should!! This fic is so fun to read!! I laughed so hard at Nene and Hanako being awkward with each other!!! So you know how Hanako is super clingy with Nene, he’s always touching & hugging her, but this time something weird happens and he’s so distant~~ Nene doesn’t want to admit it at first, but she misses his clingy ghost boy~~ you’ll have a good time reading this for sure!  

The Monster's Bride by Hammsters ( @uglierdaikon )

Have you heard about the myth of Cupid and Psyche? Well this fic rewrites it in a very Hananene way <3 hehe I loved it so much (as I’m a huge fan of mythology~) To sum it up, Nene is fated to marry a monster that lives in the mountains so she’s devastated... to her surprise, her husband is far from what she expected... she only had one rule to obey and well... we all know how reckless Nene is so... you go find out what happens next now!! hehehe

Morning Reflections by FalalalaLa  ( @miss-sternennacht )

So you’ve heard of Hanako watching Nene sleep, but what about Nene watching Amane sleep???!! this fic offers you this and so much more fluff <3 Also Nene remembering how they met and how their relationship evolved during the years, aww <3 

Cursed Coin by DaikonSenpai  ( @daikonsenpai )

There’s a school dance, Yashiro’s supposed to be dancing with Kou (since she can’t go with Hanako, which causes him to be jelly~~ and bitter), but she loses a coin Aoi gave her for good luck so she goes out and searches for it on the last place she saw it, the school fountain. Suddenly Hanako spots her, what’s she doing outside??? is she drunk or something?? what happens next you may find out when you read it~~~

Between Love and Hope by Baronesscmd (SweeterThanYourDarkestSin) ( @baronesscmd )

Oh to be Nene and get to sleep between the Yugi twins... God really has favorites uh... ISTG, this collection of fics is so cute. I love how Nene loves the twins so much in this AU, they have their little cute family. She ofc is in love with Amane, but their relationship with Tsukasa is so tender... it’s mostly this trio having fluffy moments together to heal your soul... if you need some, you’ll get it here for sure hahaha. 

Ghost of You (And All the Futures We've Forgotten) by Indigo_Floof  milkteamoon  ( @indigosienna , @spades-queen )

So anon you may have been wondering, well this bitch likes fluff only???? how about some angst for a change, uh? DAMN, OKAY THEN, here you have some angst to rip your soul out and wish you never sent me this ask in the 1st place, bec of the emotional damage this fic will leave you sdajjsa, also if you liked “Erased”, you’ll love this fic too! 

Hanako of the Opera by zxrstan

Finally, but not less important, me being annoying about Hanako of the Opera & POTO AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! This fic is based of the AU Aidairo created mostly, it’s really fun to read if you didn’t get much of what was happening during the Hanako of the Opera event, it has a nice ending also! very satisfying I must say. 

AAAAND THIS IS THE END OF MY ALL TIME FAV LIST OMG;;;; Kudos for me for searching through all my damn AO3 and Google Chrome history (from both my PC and phone, since I am a FOOL and forgot my AO3 password so I read a lot of these in the past as a guest before recovering my password LMAO, please be patient with me omg, and also if you see me bookmarking them now, you know why 😭) 

Kudos to all of my writer homies as well, I love and appreciate all of you so much!! you have no idea! 💖

I hope you find this list useful, anon!! Thank you for sending me this ask and have a wonderful day! 

Ps. Please everyone feel free to add more fics to this list if you want! this is all my personal picks, but I’m aware there are a lot more fics that I haven’t read and deserve as much recognition as the ones I listed!

[hopelesshawks]

History of Us Part 27- Inheritance

Summary: Once upon a time Todoroki and (y/n) were best friends. Now they haven’t spoken in years. When (y/n) is forced to transfer to UA, will she and Shoto reconnect or will their troubled past keep them apart? A childhood friends to enemies to lovers hybrid fic.

If you don’t want to see History of Us content blacklist #hopelesshou

Masterlist Kofi

You check the time and notice you still have a little while before your alarm will go off for school. Even your father can’t spoil your mood as you put your phone back down on your nightstand and then carefully curl back into Shoto’s waiting arms. With the way you two had been so entangled while you slept, it’s a miracle you hadn’t woken him up when you went to check your phone. You still can’t quite believe what happened the day before. You can feel your face heating up just at the thought of you two’s first kiss again. You refuse to let your father sour the memory as you instead let your eyes trace over Shoto’s beautiful face. He looks so peaceful sleeping next to you and it makes you feel warm inside that you get to see him this way. You watch him for a moment until he starts to stir. “(Y/n)-chan,” he mutters, voice sleep laden and eyelids still shut. Your heart flutters at the use of the nickname. “Yea Sho-chan?” you ask quietly. “You’re glowing again,” he informs you, a soft smile playing on his lips. You groan and start to pull away from him but he just reels you back in before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Don’t pull away, it’s cute,” he assures you. “You’re really gonna ruin my reputation at this rate,” you sigh even as you nuzzle closer against him. “I‘ll gladly help you bully Sero to regain your reputation,” he offers, causing you to snort into his chest. “Don’t be jealous, I only like you idiot,” you chuckle. “I know, but hearing you say it is nice,” Shoto admits. You can’t help but laugh in response.

Eventually your alarm goes off and the two of you are forced to separate. “I’ll see you in class,” Shoto promises before he slips out of your room to go back to his own. You take the time to compose yourself and try and get your quirk back in check. You’d prefer not to be glowing all day. It takes a stupid amount of time for you to finally get the light radiating from you to stop and by then you have to rush through getting dressed and into your uniform. You take the now familiar route to the 3A classroom and most of your classmates have already arrived by the time you get there. Your eyes scan for the room for Shoto but just as you spot him Mina, Hagakure, Jiro, and Uraraka come rushing up and crowding into your space with barely concealed excitement and curiosity. Momo isn’t far behind fretting slightly at them to give you some space. “Is it true?” Mina asks excitedly. “Are you and Todoroki dating?” Hagakure follows up. You send a slightly nervous glance his direction but the smile he gives you in response is enough assurance for you to answer “Yea, I guess so.” You jump, eyes widening almost comically large when the other girls immediately squeal with delight. You’re sure you’re about to be interrogated until you feel a large presence come up behind you. “The bell for class to begin is about to ring,” Aizawa informs you and the others. You all quickly rush to your seats before giving Aizawa unrepentant grins.

You’d managed to dodge it during lunch but after classes while hanging out in the lounge you’d been subjected to a full interrogation about the how and when of you and Shoto’s brand new relationship. Ordinarily any kind of intense questioning would’ve set you off, you’ve been drilled about your father and your loyalties one too many times for it not to. But with Shoto’s arm wrapped around your shoulders and a room full of genuine friends, for the first time in a long time you feel your anger take a back seat. It’s peaceful and for awhile you can forget about your father. You can forget that the vast majority of the hero community still doesn’t trust you. You can forget every burden that’s weighed heavily on your shoulders since that fateful day your father took you into work with him.

If only the peace could last.

The tv had only been on as background noise to the lively conversations being had. In fact you had forgotten about it being on entirely. But then a breaking news bulletin interrupts whatever program had been playing and Midoriya hesitantly asks “Uhh, Todoroki? Isn’t that your house?” Both you and Shoto immediately snap your eyes to the tv where, sure enough, aerial footage of your neighborhood is being displayed. The Todoroki household is engulfed in blue flames and you don’t need the reporters to tell you that Dabi is likely the culprit. “Go call your mom,” you tell Shoto breathlessly, panic racing up your spine as he nods and leaves the room to do just that. You can tell he’s panicking just as much as you are but you’re rooted to your spot on the couch. “How did Dabi even know where they live?” Kirishima asks incredulously and your stomach turns over because you know exactly how he did. You feel utterly nauseous as you realize you’d led your father right to Shoto’s home and now the the very people who’d welcomed you back with open arms were paying the price. You can’t bare to watch anymore so you swiftly stand to go find Shoto as your classmates continue to watch on. You find him just as he’s sighing out in relief. “Ok good, I’m glad everyone’s ok. I’ll check back in later,” he says before hanging up the phone. “Sho?” you ask cautiously and he immediately turns to you looking exhausted but relieved. “They’re all ok. Natsu was at school, Fuyumi was at work, and my mom was grocery shopping. None of them were there when it happened,” he assures you. “Oh thank god,” you gasp as you hurry to close the distance between the two of you. You pull Shoto into a hug and hold him tightly, secretly hoping that reassuring him will help assuage the guilt burning rampant within you. You feel your phone buzz in your pocket but you don’t dare check it. You have a feeling you already know what it’s going to say.

A/N: This was a MONSTER to write, I was genuinely worried I wouldn’t finish it in time for a second tbh. We’re shifting into what will probably be the final arc of this series and certainly the most intense one. I know you’re all probably feeling a lot of emotions rn but can we take a second to appreciate that reader made Shoto her lock screen?

Taglist: @sorrythatspussynal @miss-bakugo-writes @pixelwisp @larkspyrr @sokkaandzukosimp @akkaso @sunaispretty @shot0stea @todoplusultra @oliviasslut @lapysllazuly @immah0e4fictionalmen @cinnamonruts

[mayonnaisetoffees]

Mayo's Fic Recs

List of my favourite fics below the cut; this list is a WIP and completely personal taste; a mix of fandom classics and lesser knowns

Please remember to leave comments and kudos for the authors and podficcers!

*shows particular favourites

Fandoms currently included: Spn, Merlin, Les Mis, BatFam

Fics That Changed Me Fundamentally

Loaded March*** by Footloose. Merlin | E | 1.26M(Series)/ 35k (First part) | 188k hits (First part)

The reason SAS Captain Arthur Pendragon can’t keep a communications specialist in Team Excalibur because none of them are good enough. And then Lieutenant Merlin Emrys gets assigned to his squad, and Arthur does everything he can to prove that Merlin isn’t good enough, either. Except he is.

You can read all about my thoughts on Loaded March here, here, and here. Basically this fic series is beautifully written, has absolutely delicious UST, has found family, magic, and high stakes. It’s been part of my life for almost a decade now, I made friends through LM that I still have to this day, and it genuinely changed me as a person. Plus there are 78k of Extras to itch that I Finished Now What scratch. Parts 1-5 have been podficced and you can find them in works inspired by this one in each part.

Down to Agincourt*** by Seperis. Supernatural | E | 1.12M(Series)/ 154k (First part) | 73k hits (First part)

The world’s already over and they’re already dead. All they’re doing now is marking time until the end.

S7!Dean is transported back to the aftermath of where 5x04 The End left off. Much like LM, DtA was one that I avoided for a while. I didn’t think it would be my thing. I’m not usually into End!verse, it sounded so bleak from the summary, and it sounded so long for something I wasn’t sure about. If you’re reading this and nodding along? You are as much a fool as I was. Yes, it’s the end of the world. But it’s not over yet. This is a beautiful journey in what it means to be yourself, how to survive the end of the world, a How-To for Coups, and a study in food as a love language. I only read this fic this year, but like LM, it has genuinely changed me. Map of the World has been podficced.

Supernatural

Let’s start with the current hyperfixation. All of these are at least passively Dean/Cas unless otherwise stated. I've split into ones from my first time around in the SPN fandom and more recent ones because the vibes are actually really different and it took me some time to adjust (Not in a bad way! In a time has passed they have grown as characters way)

Old-School SPN (AKA the Classics my first time around)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Home in Motion* by nomdeplume13 M | 232k | 48k hits

Castiel swore he was done with spur of the moment decisions that permanently changed Dean Winchester's life. A year after the angel's most disastrous, his newest may present the largest challenge of dean's life: Fatherhood.

Did someone say kid!fic in canonverse? This is perfect. Canon divergence from the end of S6. Cas saves a baby from a neglectful mother and gives him to Dean to raise. They all move in with Bobby. Great OCs. Bobby considers Cas his son. Listen everything I say here will not be able to begin to encompass how much I love this fic. Just trust me on this one.

Named* by RC_McLachlan M | 95k | 95k hits

Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

With a summary like that, need I say more? No but I'm gonna. This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read, but it doesn't take any emotion from the serious moments, if anything it heightens them. There are so many quotes from this I think about all the time. It was written in 2010 and so there's a bit of misogyny/character assassination of Anna in places.

Second Childhood by CloudyJenn (read by exmanhater) G | 16k (1h30) | 10k hits

"Dude, I can't do this whole thing by myself," Dean said with far more desperation leaking into his tone than he liked. It would just be too much to make it through hell and death and Lucifer only to have Castiel bail on him because of a frigging baby.

They beat the Apocalypse (OG-S5) and then Sam gets de-aged by a spell. I've listened to this so many times I know it by heart, it's an ultimate comfort fic to me.

Defy Any and All Expectation* by Tenoko1 (read by Tenoko1) M | 138k (14hrs) | 37k hits

Chuck's newly released books tell of another war between Heaven and Hell. Team Free Will sets out to try to defy prophecy, only to realize there is a lot more at stake and amiss than the not-quite-accurate words of one Prophet of the Lord. Along the way, Dean and Cas' relationship continues to evolve into something neither expected or were prepared for, all of their lives transforming in ways no one could have expected. But with no shortage of cases, monsters, and mayhem, it's going to require the help of new friends and old enemies if they're to have a hope of saving the world one more time. Alternate Season Six.

So this is a re-written version of Tenoko1's The Path We Choose which I don't think is around anymore. By the time I was reading the re-write as each chapter came out, I knew every single line of TPWC and it wasn't all that much shorter. It's such a perfect canon divergence because they are all 100% in-character. If you're into podfic, you already know what an absolute gift 14 hours is, but if you have never tried podfic before, Tenoko1 is a fantastic place to start. Her voice is soothing and energetic and her Cas sometimes comes to mind when I'm reading fic in Misha's place (sorry Misha)

His Fucking Kids 'Verse by 8sword M | 96k(Series)/ 3k (first part) | 26k hits (first part)

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

Emma survives and Dean and Cas are raising her and Claire. This fic series will make you laugh, make you cry, and (nowadays) make you wish Emma had survived to be a part of Wayward Sisters.

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict E | 22k | 37k hits

While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Dean breaks his legs, and honey!Cas brings home some kittens to foster. It's achingly sweet and also painful because you know Dean wants to fix Cas but there's nothing to fix. It is tagged for ableism for this.

Tripping* by Hatteress E | 49k | 78k hits

That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Alt!S5 and it is beautiful. Also any fic with Missouri is an automatic win.

Broadway Musical by Grifitings M | 12k | 79k hits

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle. The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at. Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Jimmy deserves a sainthood and frankly I don't even want to hear about crack if it's not on the level of the Host yelling at Cas not to touch the butt.

Classic AUs (AKA AUs from my first time around)

Try Something Tuesday by almaasi E | 48k | 144k hits

Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...

This was one of the first spn fics to really really stay with me and it never really left.

Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar by ChasingRabbits E | 127k(Series)/ 8k (Part1) | 29k hits (Part1)

Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls. Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games. But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without.

This series. If you've ever felt unsure or out of place or anxious or just really felt like no-one understood you, this fic is for you. I first found this series when I was coming to terms with my queerness and I genuinely think it was invaluable. Also I am a sucker for the go for a dinner at Cas's family and end up storming out trope.

Play It All Night Long by janie_tangerine (read by Tenoko1) NC17 | 43k (4hrs)

The rom-com-ish one where Dean hosts a late night radio show, Castiel is a regular listener of his who starts calling one day and ends up calling more often than not and Dean finds himself liking it. This, until one day Castiel calls for not exactly petty reasons (just before Dean's brother Sam is visiting with his girlfriend for spring break) and things get very, very crowdy at his place. He also doesn't know it's just the beginning of it. Also features Gabriel, Chuck, Andy, the Roadhouse crew and a huge amount of music quoted. Especially Bob Dylan.

Again, this podfic has got me through many a night of insomnia. Cas calls in after a particularly shitty day and it all goes from there.

New-School SPN (AKA post-2014)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Tall Grass by aeli_kindara E | 57k | 28k hits

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says. Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away. Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

There is a reason you will see this recced time and time again. It healed parts of me I didn't know needed healing.

So Says the Sword* by komodobits E | 85k | 73k hits

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’ Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected

I saw ssts mentioned in like every single If you're getting back into the fandom READ THIS rec list. For good reason. It's described as "canon-adjacent in that seasons one to three happened exactly the same, but when Dean goes to Hell, he is not raised by Castiel". It's one of the most interesting concepts I've read and it's one of those fics where the writing style will stick with you. Castiel POV in a way you've never read before.

Aching in the Absence of You* by sobsicles E | 95k | 9k hits (in 5 days)

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back. He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales. "Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time. By nightfall, Cas is gone.

If you don't already know sobsicles, I am delighted to introduce you to the person who will smash you to pieces with a hammer to put you back together Kintsugi-style. This one is post-finale but without 15x18 (it'll make sense as it goes). Cas says he's going to leave again and again Dean doesn't ask him to stay. Full of lines so beautiful they'd make Shakespeare weep, Sobsicles has this way of writing that is so evocative and paints such a clear picture. Fair warning, if you're Dean-coded, this might be A Lot.

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)** by sobsicles E | 108k | 25k hits

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next. ~~~ Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want." "What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before." "Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out." "Easier said than done."

Yes, two sobsicles recs back to back. This one I read first and it still holds such a special place in my heart. A sign of a good fic is being able to picture it perfectly. The sign of an amazing fic is that when reading this I was so in Dean's shoes I could feel a pool cue between my hands and Baby behind my back. And I sobbed like a baby in this. It has probably my favourite ending ever. It's genuinely beautiful. If you don't read another on this list, read this one.

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara M | 52k | 14k hits

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean. (A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

The ultimate Cas character study and interwoven with poetry.

So There It Is, I've Said It All by PorcupineGirl (read by Ceewelsh) G | 4k | 13k hits

"Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don't think I'll like?" I think I'm in love with you. "Yeah. I guess so."

Dean figures out he's in love with Cas then can't stop thinking it. This is genuinely beautiful and if you've ever had trouble actually saying the thing you're thinking, you'll relate to Dean here. I recently did the podfic for this.

you won't find this place alone by amidsizedfrog G | 9.5k |

When Claire said she was dropping out of college to pursue hunting full time, Dean said, “right,” and left the room. Or, the cross-generation conversation about formal education, choosing your own path and figuring out what it looks like to find a family. Or, in other words: "But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell-attitude, and I'll figure it out." - Dean Winchester

This is a beautiful look at education in the hunter world, and I love anything that looks at Dean and Bobby's relationship and this does it perfectly. Also best cameo ever.

Seek to Know You Better by ahurston E | 33k | 23k hits

Dean and Cas, a long stretch of highway, and 36 questions empirically designed to make two people fall in love. As if they weren't already.

This is perfect. It has a lovely slow pace like it has the vibes of an indie film if that makes sense? Like it's two guys going from place to place talking. It was an instant favourite.

Newer AUs (AKA more recent AUs)

And This, Your Living Kiss* by opal_bullets M | 57k | 69k hits

Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.

When I asked which fics were absolute must-reads for someone who'd been out of the fandom a few years, this was said repeatedly. But what really got me to read it was everyone actually told me more about what it meant to them than just the summary. It's a study in poetry, a study in learning who you are and who you used to be, and a reminder that it's never too late.

The Graveyard Shift* by riseofthefallenone, PurgatoryJar E | 620k | 175k hits

Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

A fantastic magical realism fic - magical creatures live and work with humans. Gabe and Cas run a coffee shop, Dean is a fireman, and the burn is slow and delicious and the intrigue kept me reading for like a week every single spare minute.

Painted Angels by WinJennster E | 106k | 162k hits

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

The first part of this I actually saved back when I was first in the fandom but I never got around to reading it (I had a To Read folder of 100+ fics that I absolutely dove into when I got back into spn) and the rest of the series finished in 2016 so I'm counting it in this section not the other. On the one hand, I wish I'd read this when it first came out. It's beautiful and heartbreaking, and so visual. On the other hand, I think I appreciated it a lot more now than I would have seven years ago. The parallel of me coming back to the old fandom that I loved dearly with Cas coming back to see someone and places he loved so much really hit. (Although coming back to the spn fandom was much easier and much less heartbreak!)

Finale Fix-Its (yeah fuck you Dabb that this has to be a whole category)

The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas M | 66k | 15k hits

A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.

Script format re-write of 15x19 and 15x20 into a 5-episode finale fix-it. As far as I'm concerned, this and chocolatecakecas's American Pie fanvid are the Supernatural finale.

break the skin (to break the barriers)* by sobsicles M | 30k | 9k hits

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment. ~~~ Dean is silent for a long, tense moment, then he gruffly says, "It's not for banishing the angels. It's to summon them. So, it doesn't—it's not to get rid of 'em, but to draw 'em in." Mitzi can't help but glance up at him at that. His voice is so heavy with so much unexplained pain, and she doesn't understand why, or what angels have to do with it. She knows religion can impact people. She's very aware that it can get complicated, and that it can be a huge source of pain for someone, but Dean sounds grievously wronged, somehow, as if it's a truly personal thing. She pushes through, focusing back on her job, clearing her throat before murmuring, "Well, I guess we all want angels to visit us sometimes." "Just the one," Dean mumbles. "Your guardian angel?" Mitzi asks. Dean breathes out, "Something like that. As close to one as an angel will ever get."

Therapy through getting tattoos and telling your life story to someone who obviously doesn't think it's real. Outsider!POV not just done well, but done literally the best.

Kingdom Come by ahurston E | 17k | 10k hits

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

I don't know if this counts as finale fix-it as it's more fuck the finale we're ignoring that. There's just so much love and care in this fic.

The Family Business by chai_lattes M | 16k | 5.5k hits

It's all over. It's been weeks since Chuck's defeat and Cas' return from the Empty. There are no threats on the horizon, no apocalypses to stop, but there's something that keeps the Winchesters from being happy. Something that's maybe always been there. On their way back from a hunt, they find John Winchester, back from the dead.

If you're anything like me, you start rubbing your grubby little hands together at the tag John Winchester's A+ Parenting like yes let's address this! This is one of the best examples of John coming back and how it jars with the life that they have built. Also Claire and Jack getting to share screentime!

Merlin

If I have a forever fandom, it's Merlin. I've always kept one foot in this fandom, and it introduced me to fandom, and most importantly to podfic which kinda had an impact. All Merthur unless stated.

Canon-Verse

Seven Magpies by syllic (read by lunchee) E | 33k (3hr15) | 58k hits

Arthur opened his eyes a minute later to the sight of seven magpies streaking across the top of the clearing, their shapes dark against the white clouds and the muted grey of the sky. He tried to remember what it was that seven magpies meant—he'd had a nurse who had sung the rhyme to him as a child—but couldn't. Arthur wakes up somewhere he doesn't recognise, but where he clearly belongs.

Okay so this is an AU but it's Canon-AU so it's going here. Fantastic role reversal fic that you will be thinking about for weeks.

and from your grace, i fell by TheDragon (read by Ceewelsh) T | 4.6k (41mins) | 13k hits

“Where’s Merlin?” he asks the maid. “Where’s that idiot of a Court Sorcerer?!” “Begging your pardon, Your Majesty. I thought you knew,” the maid replies, not daring to look him in the eyes. “He’s taken ill.” “And he couldn’t be bothered to tell me himself that he would be unable to attend today’s council meeting?” Arthur questions, voice full of acid. “He hasn’t woken since he collapsed two days ago, Sire,” the maidservant says, blissfully unaware that what she’s saying the power to stop Arthur’s heart in its tracks.

When I first read this, it had me completely transfixed. I could not stop reading. It was so raw and so full of emotion. I was then lucky enough to get TheDragon in our exchange, so I did a podfic for it and it's probably the most proud I've been of one.

Modern AU

The Student Prince* by FayJay (read by FayJay) M | 145k (15hrs) | 696k hits

A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love...

A classic is a classic for a reason. I'm also pretty sure this introduced me to podfics so like special place in my heart x2. Did you know if you filter AO3 by hits on Merlin, this has 426k more hits than the second result? Now that is a Fandom Classic.

Drastically Redefining Protocol* by rageprufrock (read by lunchee) E | 46k (5hr30) | 269k hits

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose.

As I always say, if this can happen to me and I still love the fic, nothing is going to change that. Arthur hides from his duties in a cupboard and gets stuck in there with a chainsmoking med student.

Fundamental Imperfections by Starlingthefool (read by bravenclawsome) M | 12k (1hr35) | 123k hits

In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing. (Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)

This fic has everything: Charles Dickens, long distance texting, Morgana choking a Sherlock cosplayer with his own scarf. This is the ultimate comfort fic and I compare all fics to this even when they're incomparable. I never read the sequel because it was WIP and I was waiting for it to complete, it hasn't been updated since 2015 and apparently ends on an unhappy note, so if you're going to read the sequel you have been warned.

Les Mis

Modern!AU

Overzealous Oddities by YassHomo e/R, Courf/Cosette/Marius, Comb/Ép | G | 6.4k | 4k hits

Courfeyrac: Remember when I smashed our tv and we laughed about it? Enjolras: No. Courfeyrac: Let me rephrase Courfeyrac: I've smashed our tv, lets laugh about it.

I love me a text fic and this is in my opinion the best one around. Just look at that summary. I have quoted that so many times.

But Paris was a very old city and we were young* by GingerNinjaAbi E/R, Courf/Jehan | M | 99k | 42k hits

Perhaps somewhere in between all the cups of coffee, shots of tequila, sunny March days, terrible lumpy jumpers, love, cigarettes, drunken nights and the desire to change the world they'll all leave Paris with a degree in something. Or not. Grantaire's money is on no. But he's a pessimist who's hopelessly in love, so perhaps his opinion shouldn't count.

The ULTIMATE modern!AU tbh.

Tagged by Salomonderiel E/R, Courf/Jehan | E | 155k | 28k hits

So there's this artist. He could probably be compared to Banksy, but he's a lot more... cynical. He shares rooms with a poet who braids his hair with flowers, in a flat near Covent Garden they rent from a short-tempered shop keeper with a penchant for fans and who'd do anything if you mentioned Poland. Sometimes, the three of them will go and deface public buildings in London whilst completely smashed off their heads. And then there's this, shall we say, 'revolutionary'. He has a band of other revolutionaries, who all meet at this cafe by Borough Market. He shares rooms with his best mate, a philosophy student, spends too much time with a flirty guy who has a thing for poets, goes boxing with a guy in a red vest, wants to punch the wet sop who drools on the blonde waitress and is getting tired of this guy who keep breaking his laptops through sheer dumb luck. Thank god the hypochondriac's there to keep an (slightly too) attentive eye on their stress levels. The revolutionary thinks the graffiti artist's work is a waste of space. The artist thinks the revolutionary's campaigns are a waste of time. And all the while, the poet and the flirt drool over each other in the background...

This is perfect and it's funny and it's beautiful and it rips my heart out multiple times.

Canon

To Be Free by kjack89 (read by Ceewelsh) Gen, Cosette/Marius | T | 3.8k (32mins) | 375 hits

Three blows from a bayonet had transfixed Combeferre’s breast, followed by a fall from the barricade as he rapidly lost first blood and then consciousness. But neither of these, it seemed, was enough to kill him, as much as later he might perhaps wish that they were.

I read this because it was on a list kjack89 did of their favourite fics which don't necessarily have the same hits traffic. It's nothing I would have usually read (canon era, not e/R, MCD) but I am so glad I gave it a go. It's a study on what if Combeferre had survived the barricades too and the guilt. This stayed with me for days afterwards until I eventually messaged kjack89 to get permission to podfic it.

BatFam

Canonish (I don't know differences between canons but these are all they're superheros fics)

Robins United by laceymcbain (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | T | 49k (6h15)/ 19k (2h25) (First part) | 103k hits

Bullets, knives, a three story fall, even a fucking crowbar hadn't managed to keep Jason down permanently, but Dick Grayson (and the rest of his "family") was going to kill him with kindness.

The ultimate batbros series. Also if you haven't heard reena_jenkins' podfics before, you are welcome. Pre-pandemic I took a lot of public transport and reena_jenkins kept me sane.

batcoons by drakefeathers (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | G | 6k (49mins) | 14k hits

Jason and raccoons have a lot in common. (Additionally: his so-called family are much bigger pests than the stray animals hanging around his safehouse.)

This is funny, it's heartwarming, and it's a really good character study.

AU

Here Comes the Sun by batsy_rocks Clark/Bruce | T | 19k | 20k hits

Clark Kent is a kind-hearted reporter working in the big city. Bruce Wayne is a stressed dad of four with no idea of what he's doing. Then they meet.

Bruce Wayne is a Tired Single Dad™. It's genuinely such a sweet fic.

[jawritter]

30 Minutes In Heaven

Summary: Your life, like many hunters before you, was cut short. You had no idea at the time the Fates that were at play in the universe were really those of dick angles and egotistical assholes with massive god complexes. And you also had no idea that they were really the reason you lost your life, and you had no idea why… Until around 30 minutes after you made it to Heaven.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Reader (Y/N), Jack Kline

Warnings: SPN SERIES FINALE SPOILERS!!!! IF YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK AND HAVE NOT SEEN IT YET DO NOT READ THIS FIC!!! Brief use of Christian biblical text at the beginning as a reference. Language I’m sure, because hello, it’s me. Slight angst, mentions of character death all over the place, past, present, and upcoming. Some fluff. I don’t want to give too much away.

Word Count: 2722

A Huge fucking thank you to @miss-nerd95​ for Betaing this fic!! You’re a lifesaver!!

A/N: Okay, this was a fic I started before the Series ending, then when it ended I dropped it like a hot object because I just couldn’t finish it, and struggled with the fact that I could easily tie in the canon Dean Winchester ending. Then one of my Patreons requested an ending that placed the reader, Dean’s soul mate, given to him once he made it to Heaven to give Dean the happy ending he deserved, well that’s when I decided to go back and finish it, give Dean and the reader a reunion over there. I was originally going to just post this to Patreon, but I feel like we ALL needed this, so I’m going to be posting it to tumblr and wattpad as well! I hope you all enjoy this one, as it was a bitch to write I’m not gonna lie.

**MASTERLIST**   **BECOME A PATREON**

2 Peter 3:8 Says But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 

You had never known  the gravity of that one verse of scripture from your time on earth. It was the only thing that resounded to be true in all that you had experienced once you had made it to Heaven. There was no way of truly knowing exactly how long in earth time you had been here, but something deep down in your heart knew that it had been a very, very long time. You would venture to say it had been close to ten years, but again you couldn’t be sure. 

For you, it had only felt like 30 minutes. 

In that 30 minutes a whole lot of things had taken place. You hadn’t even gotten settled into your little cubicle here before the place began to shake. Then talks of falling angels and power flickering were happening. There were whispers of new gods and old gods, there were whispers of the devil and his death. There were whispers of all manner of things as you stood with your head to the wall of your childhood bedroom. 

One name you kept hearing was Dean. 

Dean Winchester. 

You had been a hunter in your former life, and you had heard of the Winchesters before. Part of you wanted desperately to know what was happening on earth, what could Dean Winchester have done to literally cause Heaven to quake? 

You had tried to find a means of escape, but you seemed trapped in this room, no matter how much you tried to find a way out. 

Then before you even had time to panic, another rumble shook Heaven, and people were saying something about a 'darkness' that had befallen of old. A darkness that had overtaken Dean. That were the longest five minutes of your life. The angels talked of the righteous man that had once shed blood in hell now bathed in it on earth to save the world. 

Over and over again you would catch snippets of stories, passing and confusing glimpses, while you remained trapped behind the all too familiar walls of your prison cell. 

You screamed and pounded, but it all went ignored until a sudden bright light consumed you, almost blinding you completely. 

The next thing you knew, you were standing in a little cabin type of house. One you had always dreamed of having-one you had always hoped for but were never foolish enough to believe you could have due to your lifestyle, right down to the stone fireplace in the corner of the little living room that oozed warmth, and the bookshelf that lined around that, upon closer inspection, had many of your favorite books. 

There were birds chirping outside the windows, and the sun was shining. There were beautiful mountains off in the distance, and for the first time a profound calmness fell on you. You didn’t have time to ponder your sudden release from your prison before a voice behind you made you turn on the spot, old hunter instincts kicking in like they had never left. 

“Hello,” it said, and you turned to find a young boy in a white jacket standing with his hand raised in an almost alien-like greeting and a warm smile on his face. 

“Um-hi,” you responded, slowly taking a step back, more than weary of everything, for it could be an angel or even a demon in this place. 

“Oh, don’t be afraid of me. I’m Jack, Jack Kline,” he said, settling himself against the arm of the old leather couch in the living area of the cabin. 

You had heard whispers of his name before too, but knew very little of him aside from the fact that he seemed to be in the same circles with the Winchesters. His name had been whispered a lot amongst the angels passing down what you could only assume was a hallway by the small room you were trapped in. 

“What do you want?” you questioned him defensively, looking around for anything you could use in case you had to defend yourself against, uh-whatever he was. 

Jack nonchalantly clasped his hands together in front of his lap. Looking around the little cabin fondly, almost like a proud decorator would look at his finished product before his eyes traveled back to your own. 

“This place is cozy, it’s perfect, it’s everything you and he deserves,” he said, grinning at you in an almost childlike manner. It was confusing, and you wanted to run, but for some reason you held your ground. 

“I asked what do you want?” you asked again, and this time Jack nodded before meeting your gaze knowingly. 

“You have no idea who you are, do you?” he asked, the same kind smile on his face. 

You said nothing, just waited there ,watching him for any sudden movements. Jack stood and made his way around the cabin, and looked outside the window next to you, admiring the scenery around with innocent wonder you had forgotten could even exist. 

“You were cheated out of life, Y/N Y/L/N. You were cheated out of a lot of good things you were meant for. You were killed before your time because my grandfather was angry with Dean and couldn’t control him, so he took you away from him before he could ever even have you. In doing so, he took away Dean’s only chance to have any happiness or peace while on Earth.”

Jack turned to face you while you froze up, him seemingly unfazed while you tried to make sense of this riddle he was giving you. Sensing your confusion, Jack gave you a moment before finally speaking again. 

“Do you remember how you died, Y/N?” he asked, and you tried to. It was all really hard to remember. You knew you had been on a hunt that was supposed to be a simple Salt and Burn, but since the Winchesters had opened up the gates of hell a few years back, it wasn’t always what it appeared, just like it wasn’t that time. It was a trap set up by demons, and while you couldn’t remember the pain you went through, or the details of your death, you know that they had been your end game. 

“Chuck sent those Demons to kill you so that Dean would never meet you in this life, and he intended to keep you locked away here forever so you two couldn't get together even in heaven. You were Dean’s soulmate, see. A rare and beautiful thing in the cruel world my grandfather built. You would have grounded Dean, given him a family of his own, a reason to fight against the darkness that he never should have been forced to take on in the first place. If you would have been his, the way you were intended to be, then Dean would never have become a Demon, he would have never had to let go of Lisa or even go to her in the first place, and he wouldn’t be on his way into a warehouse right now to die alone with his brother as witness on a crude piece of rebar.”

Your eyes widened as you struggled to keep up with what this teenager was telling you. You were Dean Winchester’s soulmate, and this Chuck had you killed so that you would never meet him. There was supposed to be no tears in Heaven, or at least that’s what you were always told, but you could feel them slipping down your cheeks as images of what could have been flashed before your mind, no doubt controlled by  whatever power Jack had. 

Images of a little boy in Dean’s arms, images of sensual touches, passionate filled moments, images of yourself and Dean old and sitting on a porch in a rocking chair with your grandchildren played in the yard with a dog that Dean called Miracle. It was all stolen from you. It would never be yours, you were robbed of this man and the life you could have shared together, it was earth shattering. 

“What happened to his Chuck?” you asked, sudden fear gripping you that he would find you free of your prison, and destroy you utterly. 

“Dean defeated him, he’s cursed to live life alone and die as a lowly human. I promise you, it’s more than what he deserves.”

Jack made his way to the front door of the cabin, opening it and stepping out on the porch, leading you to sit down on one of the old wooden rocking chairs, as he took a seat next to you. “He should be here any moment now,” Jack said, smiling at you before looking down the long dirt road almost longingly. 

“What happens when he gets here?” you asked him, following his line of sight, your heart already longing for a man you never knew you missed. 

“He gets to have the heaven he deserves, with you.” 

The ground underneath you seemed to rumble lowly, and Jack’s smile widened as he stood from his perch in the chair next to you before looking at you excitedly. 

“He’s here, Dean’s home,” he said, giving you a smile before stepping out into the open driveway, looking back over his shoulder before yelling at you, “Wait here!” and disappearing on the spot. Leaving you alone with birds singing happily, and your heart pounding in your chest. Images of what should have been still fresh in your mind, and for some reason no doubt at all that he’d be happy to see you here, a reassurance residing in your soul you never understood until now, but knew it was meant to be there all the same.

“Come home to me, Dean,” you whispered to the passing wind, settling down to wait on the man that had saved the world, and now was finally ready to lay down his weary, war beaten heart in the hands of the one person he always longed for, but was forced to do without, you.

Dean’s POV: 

“Right here!” Sam said from the passenger seat of the Impala as Dean turned the wheel into a driveway of what looked like the perfect little farmhouse in the middle of a beautiful clearing not far from where his parents little place was nestled. 

As soon as Dean put Baby in park Sam threw the passenger door open, the front door of the house opening to reveal Jess in a long white dress. Dean had a hard time suppressing the smile as he watched his little brother run into the arms of the woman he had always loved. He was finally home. Sammy was finally happy, and that made him more happy and at peace than he ever thought would be possible. Dean waived to his little brother before he and Jess disappeared inside his new home, leaving Dean alone yet again in the Impala. 

This place, it was almost perfect, but even still Dean felt like a vagabond. Putting Baby in drive he made his way down the road a little ways back to where he’d started, Bobby no longer sitting on the porch, but he was sure he could hear him and Ellen laughing just off in the distance as he killed the engine. 

Everyone had their place, but Dean. Dean didn’t have a home or a long lost love waiting for him, and he felt something he thought he wasn’t supposed to ever feel again in Heaven. He felt lonely. 

“Hey Dean,” Jack’s voice cut into the fog of his self pity, and Dean spun in the driver's seat to find Jack smiling at him in the back, a smile breaking over Dean’s weather beaten features, revealing the eye crinkles deep in his sun kissed skin that Jack had missed seeing, and didn’t get to see nearly enough while they were both on Earth.

“Jack! You’ve done a great job man! This place is everything anyone could dream of, you and Cas really outdid yourselves.” 

Dean’s gaze locked with the boy in life he’d hated almost to the point of death, and all he could find now was utter and complete peace staring back at him, and he wondered if he would get to the place where he could feel the same peace everyone else seemed to feel.

“Dean, glad you finally made it,” Jack said, leaning forward in the seat and looking around to the road and pointing for Dean to drive up the gravel path hidden in the trees. Dean did so without question, putting his beloved Baby in drive, and pushing onward until a little cabin tucked away in the hallow appeared just in sight. You were sitting on the porch, watching, as if you were waiting for him, and as he turned to Jack in confusion Jack just smiled as he once did when he tried to give Dean his first Christmas present, only more deep and with more pride. 

“I don’t remember her,” Dean murmured, turning back to look at you as you were  standing up slowly and making your way to lean against the rough cut railing of the porch, eyes tracing over Dean’s cars almost fondly. 

“That’s because you never got to meet her while you were alive. She was stolen from you Dean, long before you ever got the chance to find true happiness.” 

Dean’s face contorted with confusion, but Jack simply placed his fingers to Dean’s forehead lightly, showing him all the things that could have been, and should have been, but never were, just like he did to you. When Jack was done, one giant tear rolled down Dean's face as he uttered the only thing he could have thought would possibly have been able to take something so precious away from him, so willingly. “Chuck.” 

Jack nodded  and looked back at you where you were waiting for Dean to finally get out of the car. 

“This, Dean, this is the Heaven you deserve. This is home. This is peace. You did good Dean, and now it’s time for you to have everything without any terms or conditions.”

Dean’s eyes traced over your features and his heart swelled in his chest. He could feel it, the magnetic pull, the piece of him that was always missing beckoning to him to come home and lay his weary soul to rest. “Y/N,” he murmured before looking back at Jack. “How do I know her name?” he asked. Jack just smiled, looking into Dean’s eyes knowingly.

“Go home Dean, she’s been waiting for you for a long time.” With that Jack disappeared, leaving Dean alone in the car. 

Slowly, Dean pushed the door open, and his eyes met yours as a smile spread across your face. He was perfect. He was everything you had missed and didn’t know you needed. He completed you.

You were the deepest piece of his soul that he had always missed, you were the reason his heart was beating now, and had always been the reason he got up and fought every day to get to the rest that he had found now. You were home, his home. 

Dean placed a large hand to the side of your face as his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you close to him, and brushed your hair away from your face. His green eyes bore into your own with more emotion and love than you had ever felt in your life. There was no darkness there. There was no hurt, or self loathing, there was no weight of the world, there was no more fight and heartache. There was nothing but love and resounding peace that would last for the ages. 

“I’m sorry I took so long, sweetheart,” Dean said, his lips brushing yours as you melted into his hold, humming at the warmth of his breath against your skin. 

“S’Okay Dean,” you tell him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders as the two of you just held each other there in your little piece of Heaven. You finally had all you’d ever need. Dean had you, and your warrior was finally home.

Forever Tags: 

@deandreamernp​

@forgetthisbull​

@miraclesoflove​

@deanwanddamons​​​ 

@rvgrsbrns​​ 

@chevyharvelle​​ 

@onethirstyunicorn​​ 

@i-love-superhero​​ 

@lyss-dw79​ 

@magssteenkamp​ 

@lemondropirwin​ 

@squirrelnotsam​ 

@hobby27​ 

@spnbaby-67​  

@mrsjenniferwinchester​ 

@defenderrosetyler​ 

@screechingartisancashbailiff​ 

@thecreatiivecorner​  

@vicmc624​ 

@busy-bee-angel-misska​ 

@justanotherwinchester​

@brilovesdeanwinchester​

@idksupernatural​

@lyarr24​ 

@amandamdiehl​ 

@miraclesoflove​ 

 @emoryhemsworth​ 

@dean-winchesters-gardian-angel​ 

@softsebastian 

@tatted-trina6​

@anaelsbrunette​ 

@hayleeharling​   

@flamencodiva​ 

@coldmuffinbanditshoe​ 

@dirty-pan-goblin​ 

@itmejado​ 

@supernatural3002​ 

@teresa-67​ 

@thoughts-and-funnies​ 

@hearteyes-j2​

@miss-nerd95​ 

@writers-whirlwind​

@peaches007​

Jensen and Dean’s Babes

@msmarvelouswinchester​

@akshi8278​

@love-jackles-37-blog​

@supernatural-bellawinchester​

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//kiss kiss fall in love. oikawa tooru//

Request: Oh my GOD kiss kiss fall in love I WANT TO SEE AN ACTUAL FIC but even the summary was SO GOOD HFUAEILWfdbj

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.6K

Notes: all the consensual kisses in this are v sexc bye

September 13, 2006.

Age 12.

“Did you hear that Kaori and Iwaizumi kissed?”

Your head snapped away from the court below to look at the boy next to you on the bleachers.  He sounded so nonchalant about the whole thing as if he hadn’t just shared some incredibly hot middle school news.

“Really?” You ask.

He nods quickly, wide brown eyes following the ball as the high school students from Aoba Johsai squared off against a lesser opponent in this round of the tournament.  

First kisses had been the talk of the grade lately.  Who was having their first kiss with who?  What was it like?  Are they dating now?  But as all of your other friends finally took that plunge, washing away any childishness as they indulged in their first big kid activity, you and Tooru had been left in the dust.  Your other classmates would be sharing the stories of how it happened and who it was with and when asked about yours, all you could do was look towards your feet and shake your head, telling them that you hadn’t had your first kiss yet.  They would all get a sad look in their eyes, but they would pat you on the back, repeating that phrase that you had heard ever since this all had started.  “It’ll happen eventually.” 

There was an unwavering pressure being placed on you from your classmates and Tooru had felt it bearing down on his shoulders too.  Out of your group of friends, you two were the only ones who hadn’t had their first kiss, but there just wasn’t anyone that you wanted to share that important rite of passage with.  Even still, you just wanted to get it out of the way.  You just wanted to be able to say that you had finally had your first kiss.  

“You know, I don’t understand why everyone is so obsessed with this first kiss thing,” Oikawa says.  “It's just a kiss.  It’s not that big of a deal.  Older people do it all of the time, so it’s obviously not super important.”

You just shrug in your seat next to him.  “I think it’s because it’s the first one, you know?  Like, the first time you got to play in a game was a big deal, because it was the first time.  It’s something that you remember.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”  He was trying to play it cool, act like it wasn’t bothering him, but the slowly quickening bounce to his leg was telling you otherwise.  He had long since stuffed his hands in the pockets of his Kitagawa training jacket and he was awkwardly biting the inside of his cheek.  As much as Tooru hated to admit that he cared about something as silly as a kiss, he couldn’t help but feel left out as now even his best friend had left him behind in the dust. 

You weren’t sure what shocked you more about the moment to come.  Was it his words?  Or was it the fact that Oikawa Tooru actually looked away from a volleyball game?  

“We could kiss.”

You were taken aback, eyes wide as you stared at him.  “What?”

“If we kissed, we could just get it over with.”

“Won’t that be kind of weird?  I mean, Tooru, we’re friends!”

He simply shrugged his shoulders again.  “Then let’s not make it weird.”

You take a shaky breath and nod.  “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.  Okay.  Let’s kiss.”

Tooru nodded as he scooted closer to you.  He could feel his face burning with the heat of embarrassment and the way his heart pounded in his chest was surely loud enough for you to notice.  “So, do I just-?” He placed his hands on your cheeks abruptly, making the moment significantly less romantic than you ever thought it would be as your skin stung from the not-so-delicate contact.  He started to lean in, but he stopped right before he was close enough to place his lips against yours.  “You’re sure about this?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

And without any more need for reassurance, it happened.  Oikawa Tooru stole your first kiss and you took his.  You didn’t expect his lips to be as warm as they were, nor did you expect to like the way his hands felt against your face.

But as soon as it began, it was over and Tooru awkwardly slid away from you, his eyes immediately returning to the volleyball game at hand.  If it weren’t for the intense redness that was creeping up his cheeks, you’d be convinced that it was all just in your imagination.  

“That was nice,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Your fingers brushed over your lips, feeling the place that he had been just moments ago.  Your voice was as small as his as you let out a simple, “Yeah.”

March 24, 2011.

Age 17.

It was supposed to be fun.

They told you that this would be fun

This was not fun.

Being surrounded by your classmates, faces full of make-up and hair still expertly done from your time at the school dance, was the last thing that you wanted to do.  You just wanted to get a cheeseburger and go home, but no.  That would’ve been too easy.  That would’ve been no fun.  Tooru didn’t have to beg too much to get you to cave.  After years of friendship, he knew you better than he knew himself.  He knew how to make you melt, how to get you wrapped around his finger to do what he wanted.  His secret weapon was never used for more than asking you to buy his lunch when he forgot his wallet or asking you to stop by his house on your way to school to grab some homework he forgot, that is- 

Until now.  

You had been roped into the teenage favorite: truth or dare.  Tooru had shown you those puppy eyes, pleading with you to play.  “Just one round.  Come on.  It’ll be fun.”

And that was all it took for you to take a spot on the floor next to your childhood friend, cups of an undisclosed beverage in your hands.  His free hand found a comforting spot on your knee, a small attempt to help calm your nerves, but to no avail.  Even his soothing, “You’ll be okay” wasn’t enough.  

The turns bounced from person to person.  Tooru had to try to do a backflip.  Mattsun was left singing Disney love songs to Hanamaki.  Iwaizumi, who knew better than to pick dare, had to share his most embarrassing story about himself.  Some girl had to share the last time she cried (it had been earlier that day as she got ready for the dance).  But, when she pointed at you and asked that fateful question, you stared at her like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Y/N, truth or dare?”

You knew better.  You swear you did.  But, the “dare” just passed from your lips too easily and there was no going back.  You had signed away your fate and would ever remember whatever social torture they were going to put you through.  

“I dare you to make out with someone in the circle.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little much?” Oikawa pipes up.  

“If Y/N doesn’t want to do the dare, then that drink needs to be finished,” the girl states simply, pointing towards your cup.

“Tooru, it’s not that big of a deal.  It’s just a kiss,” you say, trying your best to hide the nervous shake in your voice.  

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he whispers, but when you just shake your head, nudging your knee against his, his stern expression shifts into one that’s more shocked at what you seem to be insinuating.  “Are you sure?”

“If you’re okay with it, yeah.”

It would be easy.  It’s not like you haven’t kissed him before.  Sure, that was five years ago, but the two of you were able to kiss then without anything becoming awkward, surely you could manage it again.

But, his hand felt so warm as it slid to the back of your neck, his other hand resting on your knee to brace himself.  His eyes flitted down towards your lips and you could see him swallow hard before closing the gap between you.  He let your hands settle on his chest, feeling the muscles that had formed from so many years of rigorous volleyball training under the thin material of his shirt.  It was weird to feel his tongue slipping past your lips to further deepen the kiss, but for some reason, you found yourself not minding having his lips pressed firmly to yours.  If anything, it felt natural, like that’s exactly where they belonged.  

And then, Tooru slowly pulled back from you, wiping the small string of spit from his chin.  Just as soon as you were starting to enjoy kissing him, it was all over and you were both left to just sit back awkwardly in your spots as if you weren’t riddled with embarrassment that an entire room of people just watched you make out with Oikawa Tooru. 

March 28, 2011.

Age 17.

The kiss wasn’t meant to change anything.  You should’ve been able to walk into school that following week and go about your usual business, laughing and chatting along with the others in your friend group.  But, as soon as you took your seat at the lunch table, Tooru started packing up his things, telling everyone that he had to go finish a test during lunch.  You should’ve been able to hold a conversation with Oikawa that lasted more than thirty seconds because he said that he had somewhere else that he needed to be.  And maybe he did have to be at all of the places he said he did, but his unwillingness to be anywhere near you had started to gnaw away at your mind.  Had the kiss really been that bad?  Why did he seem so embarrassed to even be around you?

You held his jacket tightly in your arms.  He had loaned it to you after the party as the night air had grown chilly and as you stepped into the gymnasium after school every pair of eyes were on you.  All except one.  

Tooru’s head was trained forward, focusing on the ball in his hand as he warmed up.  It was as if he didn’t even notice you were there and if he did, he sure didn’t seem to care all that much.  At least, not until Iwaizumi landed a swift kick to his backside, eliciting a tiny yelp from the setter as his brows furrowed tightly.  With the ace pointing a firm finger in your direction, Tooru raised his hand up in greeting as he walked towards you.

As cool as he tried to look, he was sure that you could notice the slight tremble in his hands or even the soft pink that tinged the tips of his ears.  His radiant smile stretched across his face as he took his jacket out of your arms.  “Thank you.  I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N,” he stated plainly, trying to turn around before you could say anything further to him, but your fingers gripping the tail of his shirt brought him to a quick halt.  

“Tooru.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re avoiding me.”

He tilted his head, a bemused look on his face.  “Why would I do something like that?”

“You tell me.  This is the longest conversation we’ve had since Saturday,” you say.

“I’ve just been busy, Y/N.”

“So this isn’t about-”

You’re cut off by his bright laughter tinkling in your ears.  “About the kiss?  No, Y/N.  You said it yourself.  It’s just a kiss.”  He smiled softly, giving a gentle pat to the top of your head before turning fully away to return to his teammates.  

Maybe it was just your imagination, but there was a hint of sadness in his final words that matched the almost pained smile that was burned into your memory.  But, there was nothing further that you could do.  He had walked away from you without another word of explanation and your only option was to turn and walk away yourself.  

March 30, 2011.

Age 17.

can we talk?

That’s all it had said.  There was no note as to what was needed to be discussed, just a simple question that bore the weight of the world in three short words. It had all of the anxieties bubbling in your chest as you stared down at the notification that was attached to his name.  Was this it?  Was Oikawa Tooru finally going to tell you that things had just gotten too awkward after that kiss and that it would just be better for the two of you to stop being friends?  

Yeah

Your fingers reluctantly tapped at the letters on your phone, watching as the little bubble showed up on your screen with the three dots to show that he was typing out his response.  

i’ll be over in 5

You wanted to object.  You wanted to ask if he could just text you or if this could be settled over a phone call.  The moonlight filtering through your window gave you a decent enough indicator that it was much too late for you to be slipping out of the house to have a secret rendezvous with Tooru just so he could friend-break up with you.  But, after all of these years, you knew that it would be hopeless to say anything in an attempt to convince him otherwise.  His mind was made up and you were almost certain that he was already leaving his house before you even had the chance to answer his initial text.  

But it was out in the inky blackness where the stars sparkled like infinite fairies dancing in the sky, Tooru stood waiting, his arms huddled tightly against his form in an attempt to find warmth in the chilly March night.  Yet, when he saw you approaching him, it was like every bit of cold jumped from his body as happiness warmed his body, a smile stretching over his lips.  

There was something about the solitude of the night that had sprung a new confidence into him.  Here, in the silence, with only the moon as a witness, there was almost nothing holding him back.  Even the unamusement that was etched over your features wasn’t enough to shake him. 

You tweaked an eyebrow at him, a sigh leaving your lips as you just stared at him.  “So?”

Oikawa Tooru’s lips had been against yours three times now.  Each one before had been nothing in comparison to the emotion that he poured into this one.  His hands had found their place on your cheeks, the warmth of your own clinging onto his wrists as if to ground yourself to reality.  It was a kiss that said everything that he had been wanting to tell you, but was too nervous to put into words.  A wordless “I love you”  had melted so seamlessly into the slow movements of his mouth, washing away all of the worries that had been plaguing your mind.  

You could still feel his warm breath against you as he pulled away slightly, eyes slightly lidded as a content expression fell over him.  

“Maybe it wasn’t so much something that I wanted to tell you, but rather something that I wanted to do.”

{Taglist: @moncymonce​ @nicka-nell​ @celosiiaa​ - bonus points to alex for being my beta 😭}

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Weak ~ S.R. (part 1)

A/n: I’ve been catching up on the show so my thoughts have been all over the place- all of them about Reid lol. This is only one of three multipart song fics I have planned for him, but I promise I’ll finish your guys’ requests before full diving into them. I just needed to blow off some steam for him really fast. This is an old idea I’m bringing back because I liked the concept. It makes me laugh.

Warning

Word Count: 7700+

MASTERLIST

"No thank you" is what I should've said, I should be in bed. But temptations of trouble on my tongue, troubles yet to come. One sip, bad for me; one hit, bad for me; one kiss, bad for me... but I give in so easily.

Everyone has that thing they look back on and cringe at. That childhood memory that keeps you awake at night. That one thing you did in high school that ruined your reputation until you moved on to college. Things that come back every once in a while and make you cringe and wonder what on God's good Earth possessed you to do THAT. Even if you didn't have anxiety, it happened to everyone.

Or, at least Y/n convinced herself that was the case.

It had just been one of those things. One of those things that haunted her every time she got down time or saw someone who looked like... like... him. When anything reminded her of him and she remembered that god awful act of idiocy she had committed. Because it had just been her immaturity. Her young age and lack of experience. It had been a lapse in judgment. It had been a moment of stupidity and she would never, NEVER do anything like it ever again because she was older and wiser now. She was a different person now.

What had she done you ask?

Y/n had always been interested in the psychology of twisted people. She watched the news and wondered how one went about solving crimes like that. Especially really terrible ones like serial killers. How did you make a career out of getting into the minds of truly demented people and not be darkened by it? Or was that why the head of the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Aaron Hotchner, never smiled?

It all started with that fascination. She had been nineteen years old and a barista at a coffee shop, dreaming of being a real life super hero who saved lives and made the world a little more safe with every bad person put behind bars or under the ground. It didn't matter which to her at the time- they were bad people. They killed and raped and tortured and destroyed- why would they deserve anything but death anyway?

One day a boy came in. Maybe two or three years older than her, max. He was cute and tired and quiet. He came, he waited in line, he got his coffee, he left. He was completely oblivious to Y/n as she tried to talk to him. Flirt with him. Like a normal person talking to another normal person. But god she was really anxious and awkward and he seemed to look right through her and it made her voice die every time she tried. She couldn't even call his name when she was finished making his coffee. Her infatuation was obvious to everyone else. Another employee had written her number on the cup to help her out but he'd either never seen it or had ignored it because he had never used it. Even when he stopped coming, she still remembered him. She remembered his face and his name and his coffee order. She started to get it herself, holding onto the one part of him she had. It was a little weird, but she had nothing else other than that damn coffee order and she was taken by him. What else was she going to do? It was innocent.

Then she'd seen his face on the news. Spencer Reid of the FBI, part of the BAU. The boy she had been thinking about for months was suddenly part of the team she'd dreamed of being apart of for years? Her two obsessions aligned in one perfect moment and something... clicked. She was watching the news for a whole different reason now.

She didn't know when it had escalated past that. When she had taken that next step that would be something so unforgivable she would hate herself for years afterward.

Every morning on her way to work, she passed by The Place. Where he was, with his team, catching bad guys and making the world safer just like she wanted to. She wondered what he was like. How he had gotten on the team so young. She wondered how someone so quiet and seemingly oblivious could make it in a job like that. She wondered what his relationships were like. Were they friends or just coworkers? Did he still like his coffee the same way? What did his voice sound like? His laugh?

Suddenly she was across the street on her day off, looking at the building that held all the things she wanted most, imaging walking in and out of those doors. Imagining so long that she watched the team walk right out. They seemed familiar with each other, but each person held a rather grim expression. Her mind wiped of any other thought when she saw him. He was wearing a long sleeve button up, sleeves rolled above his elbows. A vest and a tie accompanied it. His hair was gelled back, glasses in his hands. He seemed to be lost in thought, his lips pressed together tightly.

When the thought to follow him crossed her mind, she went home. It was a dark thought that lead to dangerous places. She didn't recognize where this path was taking her, she just knew that whatever was happening to her, following someone home and learning where they lived without them knowing about it was crossing a line she couldn't be okay with.

Apparently, the same understanding didn't carry to taking pictures.

She had two whole shoe boxes of Polaroid pictures before she did anything else. She never looked at them after she shoved them in the boxes and pushed them under her bed; she just smiled at the boxes and remembered the times she'd watched him walk in and out of those doors and had taken one picture each time to commemorate the moment.

A year. She watched him for a year, following behind him on local cases, other work events, or even family and friends stuff. She did cross that line, but never once did she follow him home. Later in life when she burned those pictures, she tried to hold onto that. She never followed him home. She did however, send him a gift. She thought maybe if she could reach out to him somehow and start a sort of exchange, then maybe she could transition into actually being apart of his life. And that's all she really wanted. She wanted to shake his hand and have them make eye contact. He wanted him to see her.

There was a note, with just a simple "hello" on a single piece of paper, attached to a small bag of sour skittles. They were his favorite candy- but she only knew that because every time he came into work with some, he smiled a little wider. She knew it because she'd seen his friends give him them as a gift for Christmas. They made him happy.

When he saw the candy, he looked confused. When he read the note, he looked terrified.

Y/n didn't try to contact him again.

Something about the look on his face shook her to her core. Hadn't it been innocent enough? He couldn't know she had been getting to know him from her far away place. It was just candy and a note. It should have just been a shy person reaching out a call for friendship.

Then it hit her.

She knew which car was his. She knew his favorite candy. Those were things you didn't just know randomly. If she had been a casual admirer or had just had a crush on him, perhaps sending a flower to him at work would have been more low key. But she had wanted to give him something personal and she had. But she shouldn't have been able to.

The only reason she could was because she had stalked him.

She was a stalker.

It was never a word that had even crossed her mind until that exact moment, but once it came it wouldn't leave. That's what she was after all. She watched the news that day. Spencer wasn't there, but there was a story about a stalker in another state. She'd skimmed her usual spots on the internet to catch up on busted cases all over the country, like she usually did. A stalker who had killed five women in the expanse of a year. A year.

She had been stalking Spencer for just over a year. She had given him the gift on the anniversary of the day she had first seen him on the news. When things had clicked for her and she'd had that weird feeling like they were fated to be together. She had seen his fear and she had read that article and then all she could think about were her hands covered in blood. His blood. She imagined a future where she was in prison for life because she had crossed too many lines and had ended up on the wrong side of the future she'd always dreamed of. She wasn't protecting people and making the world better. She was making it worse, just by existing. Just like all of those people she had so easily dismissed and loathed, she deserved to die.

But that hadn't happened yet. She could still save herself from that future, because she had never followed him home. She let work distract her and her pictures and little tidbits of knowledge would be enough for her. Because her imagination, for whatever reason, could fuel her better than reality and she knew it because in the back of her mind somewhere, she'd known from thew beginning what his reaction would be if she ever exposed herself to him for real. She had knows what he would do when he saw that candy before she'd seen him do it, because she had been studying the minds of criminals for years now and she knew the mindset of the victims just as well. She might not be stupid, but she might be crazy.

Y/n full stopped it. She burned a photo every time she thought about him. She'd been wondering how to wean herself off of not ever seeing Spencer Reid again, from seeing him nearly every other day. This was her compromise. Every time she missed him, she pulled out those shoe boxes and she pulled out a picture and she looked at it a few minutes as the fire warmed before she threw it in and put the shoe boxes back under her bead. The only reason she didn't burn the photos all in one go was because she was afraid that if she didn't have something else, she might snap and go back to the real person. And she couldn't do that. What she had done was wrong and she was never, EVER going down that path again. She wouldn't be a villain.

It was a hard turn of events. It was like... withdraw. When she finished off the first shoe box, she cried. She felt insane and unstable and dangerously depressed. So, she got into therapy. The first session she told the therapist everything, stressing that she hadn't technically done anything too wrong and that she wanted to never do it again and that she needed help not getting there again. She was beyond relieved when the therapist - Michael Lyran - took pity on her and agreed to help her rather than turn her into the police. He said that she was seeking help and had realized what she'd done was wrong, so there was hope for her. He wouldn't give up on her.

Within a few months, she was a lot better. Y/n and Michael met up on the year anniversary of when she'd stopped stalking him. The second year anniversary of when she'd started in the first place. They burned the second box of photos together. She hadn't touched it since finishing off the first box. Until now. At the very least, Michael never looked at any of the pictures and neither did Y/n. He knew who they would contain, and he didn't feel comfortable peering into someone's personal lives at possibly very personal or vulnerable moments. He didn't want to tempt Y/n to do so either.

At the end of it all, what mattered was that it was over. Y/n was a lot more confident and understood her emotions a lot better. She said goodbye to Michael and she moved states, far enough that when she got a job as the police force secretary, she was sure she'd be able to follow her childhood dream without ever having to cross paths with the man who's life she'd almost ruined. She hadn't gained the confidence yet to actually join the force - she still felt unworthy after her escapade - but she was also making some sort of difference. Her skills of focus and determination and precision came in handy when she needed to keep names, dates, and appointments all in order in a limited space. She became a valued member of society, and she was proud of who she was.

Then something terrible happened. There was a string of murders that was very clearly panning out to some kind of serial killer. Y/n didn't think anything of it past that. In situation like this when crime boosted, she had to be on her game and keep testimonies and such in order so that if anyone needed a file, it would be easy to navigate and immediately on hand for use. She mostly dealt with people panicking, which kept her busy with the serial killer. Something that had never really been a concern now had her so busy, she had no room for any other thoughts. She had to keep herself calm and level headed and in control so she could reassure people in the most convincing way possible. Once again, she was succeeding in her work field.

It could have been anyone. Any other team could have come in. The FBI did not just have one team, surely. Someone else could have ended up there other than...

Y/n almost choked when she saw the doors open. Because there was none other than Spencer Reid, years after she'd finally gotten over him and fully moved on with her life. Right when she'd come to terms with her mistakes and had made a better name for herself. Right when she was getting good at her job and beginning to inch toward that childhood yearning, Spencer fucking Reid was in her town. In her police department.

And he was headed right for her.

And no thank you is how it should've gone- I should stay strong. But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that. I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that. I'm weak.

It was Aaron Hotchner who actually spoke to her, asking to see the police chief. Y/n had directed the team in the right direction, refusing to look at the man who she was dying to look at most.

His hair had grown longer. He wasn't wearing glasses anymore. It wasn't gelled back anymore either, and he had ditched the vests. When had he made so many changes? She didn't know, but god was she relieved. If he had come in that precinct looking the exact same as five years ago, or even close to it, she would have been sucked right back into the fantasy. Not that he wasn't cute now. But he wasn't the same person, and she could distance herself from him. And from that part of her that yearned to take him in. This wasn't her Spencer. God, he had NEVER been her anything. Anything but her almost-victim in her almost-villainhood.

Five years ago, she repeated several times in her mind. It had been five whole years since she'd first seen him and become obsessed. Three years of being completely Reid free. Of being a strictly good person who did normal, sane, healthy things. She wasn't going to chuck all her hard work now. She was a different person. A BETTER person.

Then he spoke and ruined the whole thing.

"Hey I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the bathrooms." He was looking at her and she felt her throat close. Suddenly she was that nineteen year barista again. She didn't know how to move or talk or even look at him. She cowered under his gaze and he seemed to be taken aback by that.

All she could think about was that she'd heard his voice. After five whole years, she finally knew what his voice sounded like.

She ran away from him without answering his question. She ran outside and tried to remember how to breathe. Her brain was racing and her thoughts were muddy and her hands were shaking. Her head was suddenly crammed with a really ugly image of a person she'd worked very hard not to be. A person she could have become. Someone she avoided thinking about or remembering. She'd made it almost twenty full months not thinking about Spencer even once. About her past mistakes. A blessed twenty months of finally not hating herself, and he had waltzed in with that smile and spoke with a voice even more beautiful than she'd imagined and now she was losing her mind.

A thought hit her.

She wasn't panicking because she wanted to be closer to Spencer. She wasn't panicking because she felt those old cravings coming back. She wasn't panicking because her mind was trying to fill in all the gaps of knowledge she had now that it had been so many years. Not because that hunger from years ago was back, or even because she could feel exactly how far apart their bodies were. Not because she wanted to talk to him, or because she wanted to be near him, or because he had seen her finally after so long of wishing he would. He had looked at her and seen her and TALKED to her, which would have sent her over the moon five years ago.

No, Y/n's panic came from the thought that all of her past mistakes would follow her forever, ruining her life every time, no matter where she went or how much she'd recovered or how hard she had worked. Becoming obsessed with Agent Reid had cost her job. It was her fault- she was distracted and irritable and steadily becoming unbearable to have around as she felt worse and worse about what she was doing. She'd become unstable. Without her therapist, she might have ended up on the streets even after she gave up chasing after a man who deserved better than some creepy ass fly on the wall. If that happened again... she liked it here. She liked her job. She wanted to be a cop and help people. Be someone who could, in some way, make a difference in this really terrible world getting worse by the second because as time passed, everyone was getting even meaner, and that created even more sick and twisted and depraved villains. She wanted to be in that story, and if that one year of idiocy ruined it for her forever... what would she do then?

One conclusion came from this realization: No one could ever know about that year. No one other than her past therapist, who was no threat to her future and wanted her to be free of her mistakes as much as she did.

What came next was a plan.

First: She would not become friends with Spencer Reid or any of his associates. She would limit her contact with them, remaining distant and civil only. If even one of them got close and she slipped in any way, it would be game over and then things might really go south. She had given Spencer a gift that day, and that might be seen as some sort of threat or something. Anything. It could be bad and she couldn't take chances.

Second: She would not let herself take in any new information about Spencer Reid or any of his associates. She could easily get swallowed up in her work, and if there really was a serial killer running around out there, they'd need her to be on her game and make their job as easy as possible. She would refrain from talking to any of them about anything other than work. She didn't need anything that could set off her old habits again and send her back down that path.

Third: She would not think of him as Spencer Reid, someone she used to dream about, but as Agent Reid. She was going to put space between her and him as much as possible. He was high above her in almost every way- in importance; in intellect; in physical height. If she focused on that and treated as him as a teacher or parent or the president of the united states rather than some cute guy her age who was super smart and kind of interesting, or even a coworker who was at all within her reach, it would be much easier not to get involved.

She could do this.

Already feeling better, she smoothed her shirt, shook her head, took a deep breath and went back inside.

She could do this.

-

"How do you guys like your coffee?"

Already Y/n was struggling keeping her rules, but on hard cases she always brought the team working coffee to help boost them in the morning- a treat from her to thank them for what they did. Even if they'd already gotten themselves coffee, they were always eager to take the one she gave them as well so it had become a sort of tradition. A case without coffee brought in by Y/n like mana from Heaven in the hands of angel just didn't go as well. She felt it rude to potentially leave the BAU team without coffee though, so... here she was, asking some personal information like she'd told herself she wouldn't do.

This could slip though. It was just coffee, and it would only be a few times, and it was the least she could do after all they were doing to make her town safe. After all she'd done. This was a thank you gift, not for personal gain.

She'd asked Agent Morgan, so now she stood before him as he tilted his head curiously. "Why?"

"I..." She fiddled nervously with her fingers behind her back. "It's a surprise." He rose an eyebrow. "I'm going to use it to break into your mind and learn all your secrets." It had been meant to be a little snarky. Why else would she want his coffee order? But instead he laughed and she felt herself smile along. It was contagious.

The fact that he could find the strength enough to smile even after all he'd been through was admirable. But Y/n wasn't going to think about that.

Agent Morgan seemed to be just the person to ask. He told her all his teammate's orders as she listed off their names so they didn't forget anyone. There were quite a few of them, and Y/n would hate herself if she missed one. She thanked him and went to turn away. "Wait what about Reid?"

Y/n could have strangled herself right then and there. Why had she assumed she'd still know the order in the first place? It had been half a decade. It could have changed. Not to mention it looked suspicious as hell if she had walked in here already knowing it without having to ask anyone. Thank god she had never done anything bad- she was terrible at keeping secrets. "Of course!" She turned back, rolling her eyes at herself. "I'm such a dork." She handed the small piece of paper she'd been writing the orders on to him.

Which, again, was a mistake. She had written all of the other orders herself without hesitation. But she also knew that if she wrote down his order, she'd have it memorized AGAIN, and she couldn't let herself get even that close to him. He needed to stay as much a mystery to her as possible. One she didn't care about and didn't want to solve and would not even a little bit understand. Morgan seemed confused but then wrote it down. Y/n took it with a smile and then left, folding it in half and refusing to look at it.

In the local coffee shop, she rung the bell on the counter. The lady who ran the place - Mrs. Miyre - grinned upon seeing her. "Y/n!" The girl waved. "I've been expecting you with all these murders going around? They say it's a serial killer."

"I can't say too much, but it's a big case." Mrs. Miyre nodded.

"Who are you ordering for this morning?" Y/n told her the names of the cops on shift for the beginning of the day. More might come in later, but Agent Hotchner had made it clear he didn't want too many crowding the place, so only a part of the force was actually in the office. The others were watching the streets and searching for any more clues, or had the day off. When she began to list off the BAU members, Mrs. Miyre rose her eyebrows. "New recruits?"

"The FBI actually," Y/n sighed. The older woman looked surprise and she nodded. "Like I said- big case." She sighed. "I figured I'd throw them in too."

"You're such a sweetheart." Y/n blushed. "We'll have them in a few, darling. Wait here." Y/n nodded and took a seat at the bar. The door was propped open to let the cool morning air drift through the place and keep it from getting stuffy. This place had been amazingly refreshing after the congested city life Y/n was used to growing up in DC. It was easier to breathe up here. Lots of open space and a nearby wood to go camping at the drop of a hate anytime you wanted. Y/n gets lost in that for a moment. The feeling of the cool air and the moving air sliding against her skin and the soft sunlight and the clean air. She snaps out of it when Mrs. Miyre comes back with the coffee. She's got a few drink holders and it makes Y/n laugh. Together they take it all back to the car and Y/n drives back very carefully so none of it spills. Once there, she grabs one of the officers to help get all the drinks inside. Mrs. Miyre named all of the cups as usual and as Officer Leo - the one who helped her - and Y/n hand out the drinks, somehow she ends up with a certain Agent's coffee.

In her good mood, still relaxed from the nice drive and the nice morning and the nice coffee waiting for her when she was done, Reid approaches with her a small smile. "Having a good morning?"

Y/n tried to reel herself in. "I guess I shouldn't be, considering the murders and stuff."

He shrugs. "We're working hard. If we let it get to us, it'll mess us up one day." He speaks as if from experience and it makes Y/n frown. "Thank you. For the coffee," he adds when Y/n shoots him a confused look. She holds it out to him and he grabs it and their hands touch and a spark of electricity runs up her arm. The cup almost drops on the floor with how fast she rips her hand away.

Reid's smile dropping away is the last thing she sees before she gathers the cup holders and books it outside to throw them away.

But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that. No thank you?

"Hey Y/n?"

She looked up from her work and tried not to groan when she saw S... Agent Reid in front of her. He'd been popping up quite a bit, and with them coming close to catching the killer, Y/n found herself eager for the end of this thing for all the wrong reasons. Of course she wanted the women of this town safe and the killer in jail, but she wanted the BAU unit to go home just as much. She was antsy for it. They hadn't yet though so she smiled at him politely and asked, "Yes, Agent?"

"It's Doctor, actually," he corrected softly. She almost laughed, her smile becoming more genuine. That seemed to encourage him. "I just wanted to... apologize."

"For what?"

"Making you uncomfortable." Y/n tried to hide her panic. "Don't stress about it." Ah, so she had failed to hide it. And had probably failed to hide her emotions every time she'd even thought about trying. "I'm a profiler, so I have a certain level of perception that... that's not my point." He shook his head, seeming a little flustered. Her eyebrows came together in confusion. "Every time I'm around you, you seem to get really anxious and-" He shrugged. "It happens a lot, but usually with babies and dogs and stuff. We call it the Spencer effect." He rolled his eyes, but Y/n could tell that at this point he was just rambling. "I wanted to apologize for whatever it was."

Y/n smiled softly. What a sweet man. "It's not your fault." Her voice was soft, with guilt rather than embarrassment. He'd probably felt bad about this for a while. Maybe since the first day of this whole thing if his perception skills were as great as reputation pronounced. And it was all her fault. Even years later she was still hurting him. "Please don't worry abut it."

He relaxed and she felt relief flood her. "Okay." His hands slipped into his pockets and they both grew silent. Suddenly they were just standing there, looking at each other. She remembered years ago when she'd drunk in every detail she could get. Close up, he was even more handsome and her stomach was filled with butterflies. Which... was a new feeling. She'd seen him work hard for days, stressing and pushing himself. His whole team did, but it was Spencer's care and effort that meant the most to her- probably for obvious reasons. He was as great as she'd imagined him to be, and there was something fulfilling about that. She hadn't wasted her time on someone who was secretly terrible. The person she'd looked up to wasn't an asshole in reality like some famous people, or even people of the past that buried all their mistakes and smiled in public, or even like some people in power now.

Despite all he'd gone through, he put himself entirely into each case. He never hesitated to. Never thought about how much it was going to hurt him in the end, because if he could save just one person this time then he would have won. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

And then she realized she was staring and she ripped her eyes away, looking at her hands instead. "I bet you're busy this morning."

"Yeah," he responded, but his voice sounded sort of strained and dry, like there was no moisture in his mouth. She turned and left and, to her surprise, she felt his eyes on her as she did so. What was going on?

-

Things like that kept happening. Agent Reid kept trying to approach her and talk to her. He waved to her as she passed, or smiled at her. Called her name to get her attention. She was so busy avoiding him and doing her work that she wasn't paying attention to much else.

One day they got a message that changed everything.

As she opened the office doors to prepare for everyone coming in soon, she couldn't help but notice the weird red stain on the carpet inside the place. Confused, she opened the doors and went inside. She dropped her coffee when she realized what it was.

THIS IS YOUR FAULT

In big, bright red colors that could only be spray paint inked into the carpet. She'd panicked, thinking the message was somehow for her before the obvious incorrectness of that settled in. What spooked her again was the fact that there had been no break in alerts, otherwise this place would be flooded with people, and everyone would be celebrating having caught the criminal of the day. But it was empty and dark and that sicko was still out there. He had somehow gotten in here, sprayed that, and gotten out again without anyone noticing him. Without setting off any alarms or even leaving the front door unlocked. Or... perhaps they had been and she hadn't noticed?

Y/n had opened this place up hundreds of time. It had taken them some time to trust her with the keys, but once they did, she came in early every morning and get things up and running and turned on so they'd be ready and everyone else could get a little more sleep, since she went home long before all of them did. It left her alone for nearly an hour usually - half an hour in this time of stress - but that seemed to be long enough.

A hand wrapped around her mouth and something cold and circular pressed to the back of her head. "Scream and I shoot you."

Her eyes went wide. "What-?"

"Speak and I shoot you," the person added, just as calmly. "Do you see that message over there?" She hesitated before nodding. "Don't worry sweetheart, it's not for you. It's for your little lapdogs that run this place. The ones that take you for advantage and ignore you while you bust your ass to be seen as good as them." Y/n's eyebrows came together. She was confused. "You're going to come with me. They'll see how much they need you once you're gone." And then Y/n felt the coldness pull away, just for something to hit her rather hard and everything to go instantly dark

-

Getting pistol whipped absolutely sucked, she decided as she blinked her eyes and tried to figure out where she was and what had happened.

It wasn't clear when she'd realized that's why her head hurt so badly, but perhaps it was a realization she'd made before she was completely unconscious, or one she'd made while the world had been lost to her. Whatever it had been, it was her first thought when she woke up again.

She was tied to a chair, that was her second thought. The room she was in didn't yield much else with how dark it was, but she could feel herself strapped to something, and she could also feel herself sitting, so you know. Easy conclusion.

"Aw, she's awake!" Y/n flinched at the sudden sound, but the recognized it as the voice of the person who'd taken her. The unsub, if basic logic could be trusted. "Hello, Sleeping Beauty."

"Hi," she mumbled, shaking her head softly in an attempt to clear it.

A laugh. "Oh I like you. You don't cower and scream like the others."

Y/n sighed. "I'm not afraid of you." She found she wasn't either. She'd dipped he toe in quite a few sick minds. She'd even tiptoed along the edges of being one herself. She'd seen what these people were capable of. She'd seen the pictures of those girls even. She knew what THIS sicko was capable of. But she also knew that they hadn't been tortured or raped, which left this person far from as bad as it got. She knew that the victims were treated quite nicely, with lots of remorse. All up until they died, where there were deep cuts all over the body. The thought had been that the stabbing replaced the rape, which Y/n was kind of okay with actually. Her capture would be less than pleasant and her death would be quick. If she was lucky then she'd be saved with as little trauma as possible.

Or maybe it was just shock.

"Oh you're not, are you?" The person stepped closer and it was that moment that Y/n realized a huge mistake of the profile they'd been going off until this moment.

The profile stated that it was a man, but the person standing in front of Y/n now was definitely a woman.

"Are you going to kill me?"

"Yes," the woman responded calmly.

"Are you going to torture or rape me before that?"

The woman hesitated. "I won't do anything you don't want me to."

Interesting. "What's your name?"

"Maya," she responded. Y/n nodded and continued asking her questions. She learned that Maya was a lesbian and hated men. Y/n couldn't help but think it was rather fair of her to do so, especially when Maya went on to explain just how terrible to her they had been. As many men were to lesbians. She talked about how badly they treated women and how she was tired of watching it. That caught Y/n's attention.

"Why kill women then?"

"To take them away from here." Maya glared at the opposite wall as she leaned against the one behind her. She'd obviously grown comfortable in the exchange. "If I kill men, all that happens is one will replace them. They will grow to hate women more when they realize who I am. I knew they were close, that's why I took you. You were always my goal." Y/n's eyes widen and Maya smiles wider. "You're so kind, and that leaves so much room for them to hurt you. You know, the way I cut up your body- it's only after you're dead, and it's only so they can't do anything to you when they get you back. Did you know that there are men out there that prefer their women dead? Who work in morgues just so they can have sex with them?" Y/n cringed, thinking about her cold, pale body rotting while some man-

"Oh god," she whispered.

"Precisely," Maya agreed.

Y/n shook her head. "You can't be mad at an entire group for what some of them do. Don't get me wrong, men generally suck. But it isn't just men- it's people in general. We as a species are selfish and close minded. In ever group, there's always those extremists who make a bad name for everyone else. I mean- think if cops started to judge lesbians based on what you do. Not all women who like women kill women to punish men. Which honestly is ridiculous if you ask me but-"

Maya grabbed Y/n's face so hard that Y/n's jaw began to hurt. "You defend those assholes? Really?"

Y/n glared. "Years ago I made mistakes. I hurt someone I cared about. You can't villainise men and then ignore the fact that EVERYONE does shit too. I mean, women rape and murder and stalk and abuse. Definitely not as much, but still." She scoffed. "I'm not even saying this to support men. Men DO suck. They're too pretty for their own good and often far too oblivious for everyone else's. But everyone has flaws. What do you gain by killing people? Like you said, more will take their place. What are you going to do, kill all nice women?"

"Yes," Maya growled. That moment, fear consumed Y/n as Maya leaned closer and all Y/n could see in the other woman's eyes was hate. "Fuck up evolution. Because what's happening if the tough people are getting wiped out because men won't pay attention to them. All these pushover women are having babies and raising their sons to be like their fathers and their daughters to be like them."

Y/n's expression hardened. "What about kids who don't end up like their parents?"

Maya slapped her. "We're done playing nice." Y/n looked back just in time to see Maya grab a knife and she felt her heart clench. As much fear as she definitely showed on her face, she refused to whimper or scream. "I promise," Maya cooed. "No one will hurt you ever again. I promise you." She stroked Y/n's face and the girl tied to the chair flinched away. The knife danced along Y/n's throat as Maya began to move behind her where she would have a better grip.

The door busted open just as Maya gripped Y/n's face. "Drop the knife!" Maya tilted Y/n's face back and all the bound girl could see was the face of her assailant and the roof above both of them. "DROP THE KNIFE!"

Y/n closed her eyes and Maya grinned.

Guns went off. Y/n screamed. When Maya's hand left her face, Y/n's head dropped and she kept her eyes close, flinching as the ringing in her ears stopped. Not from the gunshots, but from the sound of Maya's body hitting the floor. She knew that the only way she was getting out of here was if Maya was dead, but it had sounded so different than she'd imagined. She opened her eyes slowly to catch something at the edge of her vision. She looked over and locked eyes with Maya, who was dead but still smiling. Y/n finally screamed.

Hands on her shoulders. She tried to move away from them and looked over to see Spencer. "Hey," he cooed softly. His hands moved up to cup her face. His eyes were wide and warm and his smile was soft and comforting. "Hey Y/n." His thumb brushed her cheek and she felt herself melt into the soft touch. Maya was wrong. Maybe men did suck, but Spencer Reid was different. He would never do anything wrong to Y/n. Even if she did deserve it. Those thoughts were pushed away as Spencer moved his head to keep her looking at him as she almost looked back to Maya. "Hey, I'm right here. I'm here, okay?" She finally nodded and he seemed to relax. "I'm going to untie you now alright?" She nodded again and he moved his hands to do as he'd said he would. When she was free, he moved to her ankles. As he did so she leaned forward, resting her forehead on his shoulder. He froze a second and then moved more carefully as not to disturb her. When her ankles were free he paused. "I'm going to move now. Do you need help standing?" She shook her head and slowly stood to her feet. He stood quickly to help her. He was tall enough for her to step into him, covering her face and hiding in his shoulder. He paused before slowly looping his arms around her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice soft and broken. "I just- I just really-" She caught her breath and seized up as she almost began crying. She wanted to apologize. She wanted him to hate her. She wanted to be alone... but she also didn't. She was terrified of all of the things she'd just been so sure a second ago she wanted. What she deserved. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Spencer soothed. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

She pulled away, shaking slightly. "Yes I do." She ducked around him and started walking out. They were in some kind of small cabin in the woods, but she just looked away from it and began walking.

"Wait, Y/n!" She looked over to see Emily Prentiss. Y/n began to walk faster. She really needed to be away from-

"Y/n stop." Hands on her shoulders and there was Derek Morgan, suddenly in front of her. "I know you probably want to be alone, but you have no idea where you are and you're in shock. Let one of us give you a ride back okay? You can talk about it or not talk, that's fine. But we can't let you wander out here alone hoping you find your way back, especially because we're miles away from town."

Relenting, Y/n nodded. "I just- don't put me with Spencer." She cringed as she used his name. "A- Agent Reid." She closed her eyes. Agent Derek went to say something. Maybe to ask her one of the probably many questions she had. She reached up though and covered his mouth. He leaned away, surprise, and she dropped her hand. "I- I'm sorry, I just-" Her eyes watered and she growled in rage, turning  to pick up a rock and chuck it as hard as she could.

She had almost died.

She was still obsessed with Spencer, even though he deserved someone so much better. Even now, the feeling of his shoulder and the smell of him was filing into her head and she wanted to smile and scream and cry and curl in a ball and never move and she didn't know if it was from him or what Maya had said... or from what Maya almost done.

She crouched down, her chest beginning to constrict. "Y/n," Morgan said softly. She recognized his tone. The same one Reid had used before. Pity and concern. Trying to keep her calm. "I understand you're upset right now. I would be too. What you went through was really scary."

"I'm not a child," Y/n snapped.

"I know," Morgan assured. "But I need you to breathe for me okay? It'll help if you stand up and put your hands over your head... but if you want to sty like this, or even lie down that's okay too." Y/n hesitated before pushing to her feet, forcing her hands above her head. Morgan moved to his feet again as well, keeping to her level so she could always see him. After a second she felt something in her chest loosen and instead of panicking, she was crying. Morgan paused before opening his arms. She leaned into them and he hugged her as she cried. When she calmed and leaned away, he offered her a smile. "You want to get back now?" She nodded. "Come with me. Reid's in the other car." She nodded and followed him. He put his arm around her and she relaxed, rubbing her stuffy nose as he began to run. He slipped into the back with her, Hotchner was in the driver's seat. Neither man spoke until they got to the station. "Is there anyone you want us to call?"

"I don't..." She shrugged. "Have anyone."

Morgan's face grew sad. "Is there anything we can do for you? Take you home?"

Y/n thought about being alone in her empty apartment and shook her head. He nodded, understanding. "Can we just... sit here for a while?" He nodded again and they did. One by one the car filled with the others. Hotchner in the driver's seat, Rossi in the passenger. Prentiss took the seat next to Y/n, and Jureau stood at the door next to Prentiss, leaning rather than sitting. Y/n chuckled as Spencer joined the group, wiping her watery eyes. "Sorry to drag all of you guys into this car. Jesus."

A few chuckles. "It's okay," Jureau sighed.

"You know, you made this case a lot easier," Prentiss told Y/n quietly, reaching a hand to rub her back. "Getting us coffee and being so kind and encouraging. Sometimes when it gets too... when things get really dark, it's hard to concentrate because you're so stressed and worried and you feel so terrible that it clouds your head." Nods in agreement and Y/n smiled despite herself.

"You know." Jureau reached inside her jacket before extending a card. Y/n took it and looked at it. It had a number on it. "If you ever want to talk, that's my number. I'd like it if we stayed in touch."

Y/n smiled wider, even though her heart sunk a little. She finally had a friend...

"Thanks, Agent Jureau."

The woman laughed. "My friends call me JJ. You can too if you want." Y/n nodded.

Well. There went her plan to not to get close to Spencer Reid or any of his associates.

Shit.

[juurensha]

tag game: fic writer interview

Tagged by @bittermoonswrites​

Name(s): juurensha

Fandom(s): Ahahahaha, honestly too many to count, but the ones I’m writing for right now I guess are JJK, BNHA, Scum Villain, TGCF, Tianbao, and Fear Street.

Where you post: Ao3, and I have a very old ff.net account under a different penname (wouldn’t advise reading that one, that was stuff from middle school when I was just starting out)

Most popular one-shot (by kudos):  whether or not we’re fated, we’re meant to be (BNHA), my soulmate mark TodoDeku AU, which was really created because I thought it’d be interesting to explore a world where soulmate marks were tied to quirks and what that would mean for Deku and Deku’s soulmate given that Deku was quirkless and then wasn’t.

Most popular multi-chap (also by kudos): darling, thank god it’s this universe we’re in (and you can annoy me as much as you please) (BNHA)

Somewhat hilariously when I first wrote this, I was actually worried, because most DabiHawks fic back then was angsty canon-compliant pieces, while what I wanted was a fluffy childhood friends AU that basically made sure most of the tragedies in their lives didn’t happen and then making them get together. It was also a pretty self-indulgent piece in many ways because I just added OC’s willy-nilly everywhere (in my defense, BNHA does not have many canon characters who aren’t pro-heroes, and I needed to flesh out the world a bit) with their own side plots, but people actually really seemed to enjoy it!

Personally, I think it came down to the timing of the fic in many ways, but I am glad so many people enjoyed my fluffy childhood friends AU! (And that since it’s AU, I don’t have to worry too much about canon ruining anything about it)

Favorite story you’ve written so far: Hm, so that’s a pretty difficult question since I change my mind about which fics I love best all the time, but let’s see--Divorce AU holds a special place in my heart obviously, but I think my three favorites today are: be all my sins remembered and more (GOTG), a pretty personal fic exploring Mantis and her relationship towards Ego’s other children and the GOTG crew, and was also the fic that really got me back into the writing grind. my heart goes doki-doki for you (and other fucking annoying things) (BNHA) as my very first BNHA fic that of course I did rarepair ShinIida for, and Knock me off my pedestal (and entangle with me on the ground) (TGCF) because it’s the QuanYin fic that I wrote to completely satisfy my own QuanYin tastes, and I’m happy every time I reread it. Oh and Dead Devotion (Hannibal) because I tried to make it as purple-prosey as the show, and I thought it was one of my more beautiful pieces.       

Fics you were nervous to post: I mentioned that I was a bit nervous before posting darling, thank god it’s this universe, but other standout times were Merry Christmas Gege (GHFOD) since that was the first smut fic I’d written, and Running Home to You (DCU) because it was my first time writing from a African-American man’s perspective.

I actually do have a few drafts/ideas that I haven’t finished just because I’m kind of nervous about posting them, including a Critical Role BeauJester piece and a Captain Marvel Yon-Rogg piece.

How do you choose your titles: Depending on the fic, sometimes I go for themes, like with my MCU pieces, I tried to riff off of famous Shakespeare lines, Hades and Wonder Woman I sort of tried to go for lines from the Iliad, and my FMA piece is a Bible quote. But as you can sort of tell, a lot of fics are just song lyricy type titles that I come up with by trying to think about how the character who the fic focuses on would maybe title it. But sometimes, I also just go for more jokey titles if the piece is lighter.

Do you outline?: I generally have a bunch of dialogue snippets in the rough order that I think they’ll go in, and I usually have a very general outline in my head of certain scenes that I want to happen.

Complete: A couple of zine fics that I can’t post yet.

In-progress: Actually somewhat in progress: last chapter of FMA fic, a Shiniida vampire/werewolf AU, a Fear Street Cindy/Alice fic. On hold with half a draft and hopes that I’ll finish eventually: JJK ItaFushi bookstore AU, Scum Villain/TGCF 79 actor AU, a BNHA ShigaNatsu gamer AU, and a Critical Role BeauJester piece

Coming soon: Maybe hopefully the last chapter of FMA fic and the Shiniida vampire/werewolf AU???? Or maybe the Fear Street Cindy/Alice fic will win out first, who knows, not me.

Not started: DabiHawks Asian Idol AU (I know, I know, once the FMA multichap is done, I hope to start on it), vague ideas for a Hawks rebirth fic, or a transmigration fic where Touya ends up in a game where Hawks starts off as a hero but ends up as a villain, and Touya wants to stop that from happening.

Prompts?: Very rarely, mostly for server events

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: Fear Street Cindy/Alice fic because they have no fic at all, and that’s a travesty! I’m going to let them live and give them all the realizing comphet-ness and bi panic they deserved!

Tagging: @mistystarshine @ohmoka @draphrawrites if you feel like doing this!

[danifics18]

↪  Into the Unknown  ↩

being awoken on a beach shore not knowing where you were was a scary thing, it was even scarier realizing you weren’t in the world you were meant to be in. with no recollection of your past life besides the backpack with a few of your items, the only thing you could do was adapt, and so that’s what you did.

Tags : Pirate! Ateez // OC Reader // Dark Themes of Death, Prostitution and Slave Trading // Themes of Deities and Spirituality // Alternate Universe // Eventual OT8xReader???

A/N : This is my first attempt at a multi-fic, and I’ve had this thought in my head for a while. The world that this takes place in is different than our own, although, time-wise is very similar to our 17th Century. My OC does have two names Adrie/Adrian, seeing that she does conceal her identity for a while Adrie is pronounced like A-Dree. I know most people would pronounce it as Audrey, but I’m trying to make the names make sense to use them that similarly. The next chapter will be a bit more fast paced, and will actually have a sign of the boys, so stay tuned!

As always, let me know about any mistakes I may have made, anything I should tag if i haven’t already, or let me know what your thoughts are !!

Word Count : 4416

    General Masterlist    Ateez Masterlist   

   Into the Unknown Masterlist

    Next Part

One.

Sometimes I didn’t know if this was just some fucked up nightmare that my mind was tricking me to believe, or if I just had the worst fate ever. As much as I appreciate Dorian, and all the years he put into making sure I would actually grow up in a normal environment, I do wonder what would’ve happened if he hadn’t found me.

It was obvious that I wouldn't have made it out alive. A random fourteen year old, covered in pruned skin, and a sun bloated body found being washed up on the beach after a particularly bad storm. That enough would've made people suspicious, but to find out that kid was a woman as well? Witchcraft. I wouldn’t even be able to plead for a different outcome, I would’ve been killed in the courtroom.

Thankfully, no one really questioned when Fisherman Dorian Meadows started to bring a new face to the village, claiming that the boy is his son from a different island he frequented. Well not really everyone, his sister and town merchant Arcelia Meadow, knew better. She knew her brother was still heartbroken over the loss of his wife Gilda and son Augie, although their deaths had happened at least twenty years prior. So she knew that this new boy wasn’t biologically his anyways, deciding that she would offer support if he needs it, but would otherwise separate herself from the small boy in case he was bad news.

It took a while for me to really get my footing on learning how to live here on the island of Reindall. Not only from living in a new place, but also learning how to live as a boy. When Dorian had found me it was very obvious that I was just some really skinny kid who hadn’t hit the age of maturity yet. I hadn’t developed any curves or anything that most people would expect to see if they saw a woman. And I didn’t have any signs of sprouting facial hair, or deepened voice that you’d expect from a man. I just looked like a pretty faced child that could pass off as either sex, with green mid shoulder hair. At first, it even took Dorian by surprise when I had asked him why he kept calling me “boy”. I didn’t know if it was just one of this places customs to call all kids “boy”, regardless if they were or not, or if that was his way of speech. And with a paled face, he quickly stepped away from the pot of stew he was tending, and gave me a choice that changed my life forever. Present as a woman and have a difficult life on this island, or present as a man- and even though it would still be difficult, it wouldn’t be difficult in the same way. I wasn’t happy with choosing to present myself as a male, but even though I didn’t quite catch on to what Dorian had meant, I didn’t like the unsaid implications even more. And with that, I was given some old, patchy, oversized clothes that stank like coal and fish, and was given the name of Adrian- opposed to my actual name, Adrie.

Within the first week of me living on this island, I realized that Dorian was shit at explaining things, and he was also shit at keeping his emotions in check.His over all attitude felt vaguely familiar to me, a grumpy old man who would rather just do the thing himself rather then explain to someone else how to do it. He didn’t want to immediately send me off to work for some random person, knowing that I was probably useless, so instead he instructed me to spend the days chopping wood for fire, and taking care of his pet chickens and goats that were kept in separate pens on the side of the cottage. It took days for me to even be able to swing the ax hard enough to split wood, before I would always have my aim slightly off, or the ax would bounce off the wooden stump- instead of split it. After noticing I had improved with the wood chopping, he slowly increased the amount he wanted me to do- which ended up being not only for the cottage we were at but his sister’s as well. When it came to the animals, this is where Dorian would be frustrated with me. I could handle the goats, all they would do was headbutt my thighs- leaving some nasty bruises- and chew on my clothes on occasion, but I liked them. The chickens on the other hand scared me. It wasn’t until Dorian got pissed off enough that he just locked me in the pen for a few hours while he went down to the local tavern. That’s when I finally realized that the chickens weren't so scary, and their pecks weren’t too bad.

 As the first few months of me living in Reindall passed by, I developed muscles from chopping wood, building fences, and carrying heavy items for Arcelia- while Dorian would go out to sea to fish. I’d also finally gained some weight, making me look more filled out, which made it even more difficult to hide the fact that I was not a boy. This was, however, the first time I was really able to connect with Arcelia- one of the days I had been finishing the chicken coop she wanted behind her house, she noticed a red patch on my trousers. At first she thought I had hurt myself, until I confessed to her what was really going on. She had quickly let me have a pair of new trousers, and when her brother came over after being done with fishing for the day, she pulled him to the kitchen and they had a long discussion.

From that day forward, she helped me hide identity even better. I was taught to double layer shorts and pants just in case my bleeding started without me expecting it, and to bind my growing breasts anytime I went out. I was also able to convince her to cut my hair off to my jaw, not that men only had long hair, but for the simple fact that building items and having long hair didn’t work well together.

There isn’t very much that I remember before waking up here, but I was told that I had a bag with me. A black bag with two straps and two zipped pouches with a ‘Jansport’ tagged in some type of fake leather. Inside of that bag I had clothes and a journal of some sort. The clothes, while not similar to what is worn here, were sized up so even as I got older, I could still wear them comfortably- although besides the pair of small black stretchy shorts (my double layering shorts) I never found a chance to wear.

The journal however had at least a little bit of information. My name is Adrie Ramona, I was born on April twelfth 1999, I never talked about any siblings, I did write about how my mother let me dye my hair green before I got enrolled into a big school, and apparently I like to travel to villages called ‘Target’- yet I still wanted to go to places such as ‘New York’ and ‘Italy’. The strange thing was the fact that according to the journal, my hair should’ve went back to it’s dark auburn color, and not stay green. Also, according to Dorian, he’s never heard of the places I mentioned, and the dates aren’t comparable to each other. My last recorded date was on September thirteenth in 2013, while the date I was found was on the fifth of Rain’s Hand. The people that Dorian associates with don’t exactly know the year either, seeing that only people of high status were allowed to know- even people like the main maid of the Knight’s Guild, Ms. Ophelia, and the ex-pirate turned fisherman, Eden, were forbidden to know- because it was, as the King puts it “A god’s gift to know so much knowledge of the world” . It wasn’t so much that the people didn’t know how long a year was, they just didn’t know things like how many years the kingdom had been alive and things like that. The most years that the other villagers have recorded was up to one hundred years- which was because the local tavern owner’s father had recorded his life from his childhood onwards, and instructed his children to do so as well.

With only my limited knowledge of my past life, I had no choice but to take up Dorian’s offer of letting me live with him as long as I worked to repay him. Throughout the years of living with him, and working for Arcelia, I learnt how to sew clothes and sails, how to hold myself up in a brawl, how to use herbs and some bandages for first aid, and how to use herbs with other foods to make more flavorful meals along with baking bread. As I got older, Dorian slowly let me have more of a say in what I did, so by the time I was sixteen, I had started my own garden next to Arcelia’s chicken coop, and I would sell my vegetables at the village market.

Eventually, Dorian had to stop working for himself as a fisherman and had to start working under the King’s local fishery, due to how many boats started to go missing because of pirates. It took weeks for Dorian’s stubborn ass to finally decide to join a specific crew though. He would never admit it, but he hated how so many of the fishermen were kiss asses to the King, because they felt they’d get a pay raise. It was very obvious that he was scared that he wouldn’t come back home to see his sister and I, it would be written on his face every morning he gave me a hug before leaving- although he would always claim the opposite. Dorian was always cold and rude, but after getting to know him, I had to learn that it was his way of showing compassion. Which I didn’t like, but I did deal with. I had faith that some day he’d openly start to warm up to me.

 The crew that he joined was named ‘The J.R.’, being named after Captain Eden’s last boat before he got captured. It was a shock that he was never killed, being a pirate and all, but he was given the option of being hung at the Gallows for his crimes, or becoming the main fisherman at the local fishery. With, supposedly, his crew being dead, he decided to become a fisherman, and now he catches the most expensive fish to sell to the King himself. He must’ve been one lucky bastard though. His crew was the only one to not be affected by the pirate raids, every single other crew being raided and killed- sometimes their boats would float back to shore, sometimes only pieces would.

It wasn’t until I’d turned twenty that things started to change. The people on the north side of the island were starting to rapidly die off. It wasn’t hard to tell why. With the amount of crime that had to flourish in order for people in poverty to survive is outrageously high, on top of the Knight’s Guild using those people as someone to pin their personal crimes on. So with the north side citizens along with a lot of fishermen still being picked off, it was no surprise that the island started to run low on supplies. Not enough fisherman to catch fish. Not enough gardeners to aid their vegetables and fruits. Not enough herders to sell their animals. And most important of all, not enough running gold to keep the King happy.

Walking out of the wooden and stone cottage, I see Dorian perched against the wooden fence that surrounds the home.

“Aren’t you guys going out today?” I question as I walk towards him, seeing that he would usually be out by dawn. “No,” he replied before taking a deep breath “Listen, kid,  the King has an announcement today in the village court. If it’s what I think it is, I need you to lay low for a while. There’s no telling what will happen, but it doesn’t seem good. Join Arcelia when she goes, I’ll be joining with Captain Eden.” And with that, he nods at you and walks towards the docks, keeping his eyes low.

As I trudged on the stoned path to Arcelia’s home shop, all you could think about what the King could say. It wasn’t very often that he actually went to a town square himself, he usually sends a courier over who reads on the scroll in an obnoxious loud tone. Kicking a rock and looking up ahead past the trees, I can see the door to Arcelia’s shop door wide open, with what looks like not intention of being closed.

“Huh, that’s not weird at all,” I mutter to myself “Why hasn’t Aunt Arcelia said something?” knowing that with all the food my adoptive aunt sells, she makes it a rule to always have the door shut if no one is coming in or out.  

Jogging up, the sounds of yelling get louder until it was apparent who was making the ruckus. Mathew Roswell, the head knight’s son, and the nephew of the King. Mathew has a reputation of being a spoilt brat to any townspeople who didn’t work under his family, and my family definitely was not exempt. Growing up, I had fought him and his friends way too many times to count- and apparently getting older isn’t going to change the matter.

Walking in through the door, stepping over the clutter of items that looked to be thrown on the ground, a loud slap echos throughout the room, and Arcelia’s head snaps to the side with a red print. I didn’t take much time to think about what to do. Rushing over to big brute, I threw a punch at his jaw, making him stumble down enough for me to continue throwing punches. It wasn’t until one of Arcelia’s frequent customers pulled me off of him that I realized what I had just done. As Mathew and some other kids who were training to be in the Knight’s Guild were running out, Mathew gave me a dirty look and I just knew his father was going to be told. In all honesty, I could’ve been hung for touching that spoilt boy, but for some reason his father usually finds humor in it.

Snapping out of thought, I walk over to my adoptive Aunt to make sure she’s fine.

“Yes I’m fine. Adrian, you really shouldn’t defend me like that. The last thing me or your father need is for you to get yourself killed for messing with the head Knight’s son.” Noticing throngs of people walk by she huffs and says “You are cleaning this mess when we get back, but for now let’s go so we don’t miss whatever news if being brought upon us.”

As we walk through the crowds, I noticed that the Gallows was reassembled in the off center of the town square, right beside the big tree that sits center of the square. It seemed like that was the stage for whoever was giving the announcement. Just as aunt Arcelia and I stop, whispers erupted in the crowd like a wildfire. The King’s court actually came to the town square. With the King’s Head Knight and brother, Kitt Roswell, walking up the stairs to go to the left side of the “stage”, he looks over the crowd with a blank face. Soon enough King Roswell himself walks to the middle of the stage and the whispers die off immediately.

“Good afternoon citizens. This is a brief get together, but one that will aid our island in many ways, so listen. It is an obvious observation to see that as a community, we are not doing well. We have lack of needed supplies and we need some way to get them. Looking upon other island villages, it is clear of what we need to do. Looking at the actions of our neighboring island village, Sternist, we need to make a big sacrifice. Any women who have made it to their matured woman hood are unmarried and do not have needed jobs, need to say goodbye to their families, if they have any, and turn themselves in for the greater good of our people.” The King pauses as gasps fill the air “I know, it is unfortunate, but a lot of people will sell much gold and supplies for women. Thankfully, I am King, and I do think of the greater good of our people, even in these hard times. Knights will be going door to door to collect those who are eligible. Think of it as serving your King. That is all.” And with that, King Roswell and his followers lead back to the Castle.

In the following weeks, there was a big absence of women that were usually in my daily life. The single woman named Mira, who usually blushed as she bought bread from me, would no longer show up. Quite a few mothers left, leaving behind their husbands and children. Even a girl as young as twelve years old met the requirements- and since her parents tried to hide her, they were met with the Gallows as the girl was shipped away. There was a solemn silence in the village after that day.

It wasn’t any easier on Dorian and the crew of ‘The J.R.’. Many men were imprisoned for not following orders of the King. Even more of them died as “traitors” for being against the trading of women. Or even not wanting to take women on board for the fear of their ship sinking. Somehow, even with their friends and acquaintances disappearing, their crew never had to take women. Some people think it’s because the King secretly respects Eden, but I know it’s because Eden and his crew has been the main source of fish coming in lately.

I thought I would’ve been left out of the crossfire of any of this, until Dorian told me that I no longer worked for Arcelia, but I would be working for Eden on the boat instead.

"Why didn't you fuckin' listen to me kid, that's all I ever ask of you, and you don’t do it the one fuckin' time I specifically ask you to," Dorian exclaims, slamming the door open to bounce against the wall " One thing is all I asked for and now I have to find a way to clean up your act"

I back from the pot of stew that was cooking for tonight's dinner, hooking the ladle on a rack, before turning to fully face the enraged- possibly drunken man.

"What are you talkin' about Dorian? I haven't done anything wrong, and we both know it. I've been doing what I always do, and I've been bringing in more coin, just like you asked," I retort, "Whatever your problem is, it can wait until later. Foods almost done; we can talk then."

He steps close, hands flying up to his grayed hair in disbelief "Talk later? Lass. Adrie, we will be lucky if we have the time for dinner at this point. From what Ms. Ophelia was talking, you caused quite the disturbance with Matthew, again. So much that there are whispers about how his father wants you in the Knight's Guild, Adrie. The fuckin' Knight's Guild! You just had to go and fight the damn boy didn't ya?" Each time he says my name, his pitch gets higher, and every word is more venomous than the next.

Thinking back to the past few weeks, when Dorian first gave me my warning, it dawns on me. The first thing I had done after talking to him was get in a fight with Matthew. I thought it would've been ignored- especially since I wasn't in the wrong. I guess I was proven wrong.

Looking Dorian in the eyes, my face pales as I attempt to explain myself.

"I wasn't tryin' to cause trouble, you could've asked Arcelia too! The bastard slapped her, and I wasn't going to let him get away with it. I was damn near the only one who could. Anyone else was too scared to, and I've done it before without getting in any trouble. It's not my fault I know how to fight, and he doesn't," I cry out. "It's too bad kid. You might be able to act and dress like a lad without people getting suspicious of you, but you need to remember how easy it is to be revealed you aren't one," the older man says, while looking down, before grabbing a sack to fill with water canteens and extra food we have in the small kitchen area," Yes, you can fight, but you wouldn't last a week in that Guild The first few months alone are learning how to be a team with one another. That means spending every single day with multiple men just to sleep, shower, fight, and live. Hell, you'd be found just by a quick bad and body check, and we both know it," he gravely retorts before tossing me two burlap sacks," Now gather all your belongings. Thankfully, I was with Captain Eden at the tavern, and he offered to let you come with us to the trip to Zetharl. We are supposed to be doing some trading there, and there's quite a few safe houses there that you can stay at, until Arcelia and I can escape as well. Captain does not know about you and we are keeping it that way. He may be kind, but he's still an old pirate who still holds a lot of those olden beliefs. He has a strict rule about women being on his ship. So, it'd do you good to be on your best behavior and not raise any suspicions. If you do, I'll throw you off the damn ship myself, you hear me?"," Yes, I understand," I reply, defeated, and turn to make my way to my room to collect my items.

Taking a final look around my room, I let my hand drop down to brush against the scratchy blanket on my cot. It feels strange that I'll be leaving the only place I've ever known. The only people I've only known. I had always had a slight feeling that I would leave this place someday, I just never expected it to come so abruptly.

With a sigh, I hike my two bags up over my shoulder, and walk through the small cottage one last time, and stopped in front of the gate where Dorian was with a big barrel resting inside a wheelbarrow.

"Get in kid,"," The…barrel?" I ask, cocking my head to the side. "Yes the barrel. Hurry. The guards have already been on the lookout for you. I don't know why they haven't checked here yet, but I'm sure they're on their way. Hurry up into the damn thing so we can get you on that ship unnoticed,". Resting my hands on the sides of the opened object, I hike myself into it, thankful that it's big enough for me to fold my knees to my chest. Putting the light bags inside with me, Dorian places the top back on, leaving me encased in complete darkness. With a huff- the older man straightens the wheelbarrow up, and starts walking us on the dirt path.

As we continued on, I found myself hoping that I wouldn't get this same feeling on a ship- the rocking motion making my stomach feel queasy, and almost grateful that I hadn't ate since lunch.  Hearing a shout in the distance, I stiffen up, and press my ear against the wooden barrel in an attempt to hear who it was.

"Sir, under orders of the Head Knight Kitt Roswell, we need your boy to come with us now. Your son finally has a chance to bring some honor and glory to your family," a hidden gruff voice demands "My boy? Ah shit, Adrian? He's out in the forest picking herbs to sell this week. You see, I have a job to do tomorrow with captain Eden," My father figure pauses, before letting out a cough," I'm trying to get my stuff over to the ship now since we're leaving tonight, per Captain's request,".

Stifling a chuckle by biting my hand, I quickly thank the gods that these guards are idiots, as the main talking guard tells two of his guards to push the wheelbarrow for Dorian, while he and the others go to find me. Traveling at a faster pace, I hear the guards towing me try to make conversation with Dorian- which gets caught off as my world gets tilted to the side briefly.

"You fishermen really need this much shi- items on your journey?" One of the guards huff, clearly out of breath," Yes, we do. Pick the barrel up and place it over with the other, and take the wheelbarrow back to mainland- we're leaving now, and you two imbeciles need to get off my ship," A new commanding voice demands.  Captain Eden. Inside my barrel, I curl up slightly as I feel myself being moved- and unceremoniously dropped with a thud that makes my ears ring.

I stay hidden in my barrel until I hear commotion, men yelling all around my barrel, with footsteps rushing all around me. Moments later, I see the moonlight creep into my barrel- the top lid being pulled off, before seeing a roughed hand pull the bags out, and then eventually catching onto my shoulder to pull me up. Standing up with my eyes squinted from the sudden light, I see it's Dorian who has a hold of me, with Captain Eden standing a few feet away.

"It's good to see you, lad, it's been a while," The captain greets me before continuing, " I hope you don't get seasick, because you'll be on this ship a while- and you're definitely going to learn how to help out around here!"