#i have not reblogged like anything that isnt from my own blog in years but this is so important actually

[narcissisticfelix]

no but I am really gonna need everyone to vote lolix actually

[softbutchthatlovesyou]

First things first: I am not deactivating. Just. Taking a break.

Mututals: You can get my discord if I don't ask for yours before I leave in a couple days. You can also give me a snap though I may be worse at responding to that.

This is my reasons for leaving so no one thinks I do anything crazy, or if anyone has their own gripe they can take this as a sign to take a mental health break of your own.

.

The Racism on this site remains unchecked, and the agression against black user who call it out should absolutely NOT be that high. You adore recreating the racist systems that got us here in the first place. You think your lense on how we experience opression, even the theories we wrote, are better and clearly so much superior.

Exorsexism is disgustingly rampant. We are a jokes to people. We are fakes to other. We are a convenient argument about people passing. We are "dangerous" to a preciously protected set of binaries that do nothing to help any of us.

Lesbophobia across the site has no reason to be so high on a site with so many Lesbians and yet!! We treat labels like they're more important than lives. People act like a personal interpretation of the idenity is an attack. We go "Being a Lesbian is so complex. It's intricate and special" And then when a butch takes t, or a femmes uses he and maybe even gets top surgery, or someones attraction isnt the simply wlw Lesbianism they're told they're doing it wrong and that it's not fair to try and over complicate being a lesbian.

Transandrophobia and Transmisogyny against me and other trans people on this site is out of control. People are infighting and people are lashing out laterally and comparing it 1:1 to the opression the system holds against all of us.

Intersexism continues to be like, so easy for you guys to commit no matter how many voices speak up about how best to be aware of intersex issues.

You guys adore ableism just as you have for years and years. You're obsessed with degrading people who do mental illness or disability "wrong." You see someone stuggling with illness and you don't wait to tell them your personal opinion on their experience. Adding ocd triggering guilt tripping to post. Refusing to hear out people about adding image ids/alt images and how screen readers work.

The Antisemitism I was seeing well before 10/7 was gross. It only increased as people scrambled not to be associated with "the bad jew." People had mutuals and friends for years that abandoned them at the first chance. They spread lies or twisted truths in order to chose Jewish bloggers off the site. I DO notice that when people make post on antisemitism there is often more Jewish people than goy in the notes acknowledging it. I don't think I've seen one without horrid Antisemitism in it's own notes in months. Multiple people have told me to leave my heritage out of pride in their attempts to keep out Jewish people.

Voices from Palstine are only used when they support certain ideas. You all turned supporting people into a fucking witch hunt against profiles on the Internet. You reblog a post of Palastine joy and then reblog an unsourced tweet about something Palstinians have said isn't true, that slanders Jewish people unprompted. For a long time some of you weren't even sharing the right sources for helping them bc you couldn't fact check before sharing?

-

And then there's fucking STAFF. They couldn't stop themselves from banning trans blogs if you paid them. They couldn't keep harassment campaigns at bay if it killed someone.

They used us to coax queer people here for years by sharing that they support queer identities and even at one point let our porn exist here! And then it was all fucking wiped off the map. Now one mass reporting of an untrue claim can get an minorties blog permanently removed.

They say "We need money!" but when people gave it to them this site got w o r se. They use distractions and try and make stuff around the fun shit we came up with to keep us from fussing.

They mute and remove users who make a loud enough point to sway people. They mute and removes uses that are so quiet no one would notice.

Minorties inboxes are a headache.

.

So I'm out. I'll probably be back at some point because I have things I DO enjoy here.

But for mental health I just gotta catch my breath.

This will be my pinned until I get back I guess im case anyone wonders where I went.

I'll have a queue going of a few last minute things i want on my blog but when it runs out thats it for a while until I return.

Thats all

[margowritesthings]

MARGO'S 1K CELEBRATION I - TROPE BINGO

Y'ALL. I can't believe this. 1,000 is such a mind boggling number to me, considering these weird word children would otherwise just be sitting in my brain on their own. I can't thank you enough for your support over the last year. this blog is one of the best things that has happened to be, and now that i'm pursuing my dream of becoming a published writer i truly believe it has changed the course of my life. YOU have changed my life. thank you for being there to read and support. i love y'all.

soooo reading and writing romance is basically my only prsonality trait, so why not celebrate 1k followers with the thing that got me here! im putting you guys as the star role in your own romance- follow along the steps below and send me an ask with your trope and character selection + any extra info.

STEP 1 - PICK A TROPE (please pick up to 3 tropes!)

➼ friends to lovers ➼ enemies to lovers ➼ s/he falls first ➼ one night stand ➼ grumpy x sunshine ➼ small town ➼ billionaire ➼ mafia ➼ forced proximity ➼ marriage of convenience ➼ fake dating ➼ second chance ➼ one bed ➼ childhood sweethearts ➼ surprise pregnancy ➼ why choose? (send up to 3 characters for a reverse harem ship) ➼ random!- i will use a generator ➼ writer's choice- i will choose based on your profile (mutuals only)

STEP 2 - PICK A SHIP there are 3 ways to get your ship:

➼choose a fandom (or multiple fandoms) from the below list and I will choose for you (the more info about yourself you provide the better this choice will be) ➼choose a specific character from the fandoms in the list (or multiple and I will choose) ➼(mutuals only) tell me your fandoms and I will choose for you based on your profile/what i know about you/what you provide me with (even if the fandom ISNT on the list below)

FANDOMS PARTICIPATING IN THIS CELEBRATION: ➼ red dead redemption ➼ bridgerton ➼ marvel ➼ starfield ➼ fallout ➼ skyrim ➼ stardust ➼ star wars ➼ doctor who ➼ daisy jones and the six ➼ mad men

STEP 3 - EXTRA INFO

IMPORTANT- INCLUDE YOUR GENDER AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION IF LETTING ME CHOOSE THE SHIP. Add anything about yourself you want me to know. If you're on anon, this is very important!! I cannot make anything personalised for you if I do not know anything about you. Any icks, anything you want me to include, turn ons, etc. Basically provide me with anything you think might help me make the best gift for you!

RULES

➼ Followers only please, I cannot police this as I have asking on anon enabled, but this is a celebration for my followers so if you are gonna enter please do ensure you are following me

➼ Likes and reblogs are really appreciated! if you do enjoy my work you can also check out my masterlists which can be found here or buy me a coffee here!

➼ At the least, I will be able to make a moodboard for your ship + tropes, but if the inspiration strikes me I will write headcanons and drabbles too. These are a bonus and should not be expected with every entry

➼ 18+ - some of these tropes will include explicit detail, so 18+ only please

➼ Please grant me patience! i am doing this alongside a full time job and have some personal stuff on, but i do want to celebrate so im trying to fit this in as best i can. please be kind and respectful of my lil internet space :)

➼ all posts will be tagged #margo's 1k celebration

tagging my frens to say THANK YOU cause i couldn't do it without ya <3: @inkandbloodbound @cowboydisaster @musicallisto @saradika @sickvictorianangel @alottanothing @twola @photo1030

[quinnhills]

Good to know you're feeling welcome! :D this is our little place in the internet, and we've decided to make it trans and gay as hell (n i gotta say, i did think "they-them gang! :o" when i found out you started using they/them too a while ago X3 ) n if you received this ask more than once, my tumblr bugged out before i could finish, sorry (。_。)

anyways, and sorry if this is long, but Woe- More Tumblr Things Be Upon Ye:

there used to not be an image limit before, causing a few- interesting posts… tho that changed a few years ago and recently, at first the limit being 10 images per post to now 30 images per post (you can also move the images around a bit)

if you plan on staying long term on tumblr and use desktop the most, i recommend getting the browser extensions Xkit &/or New Xkit cuz… yeah, tumblr is pretty nice, but it sometimes gets hard to use. it also adds extra useful things to the tumblr experience, which is nice to have. i'd say tumblr is like living in a cheap apartment in a calm area of the city. the place's great for what it is, just gotta be sure to leave rat traps near holes and dont worry about the Beast down the hall,

speaking of rats, we got an infestation. you may or may not have heard of it with the voter fraudage going with the polls a bit ago; since tumblr has little to No email verification, people outside tumblr buy bots to get in here and start posting malicious links. tho the bots are surprisingly easy to identify (often times blank blogs with very weird descriptions + stolen picture of lady or ai generated. you'll know it when you see it), and the protocol here is block and report spam so staff can deal with it

and btw if you want to keep a post for as long as your blog stands, i recommend rebloggin! thanks to how tumblr is build as, even if the original post or that blog is gone, the reblog will stay with you (+ tags on reblogs dont really make a post expand outside of your own blog, so many use this to create Very intricate personal tag systems to make easier finding posts, bc once a blog gets 1k+ post in it, it gets hard finding anything on it... <- knows this from experience u.u)

oh and last thing before i go again (and something i found out recently), another browser extension ive been loving: Stylus! with it you can customize a ton of sites to your liking And with a specific style found in the archive of this extension, you can change how the dashboard looks! even changing the background to any image you might want :D

so yeah, thats it, for now. i got more info if you want it, just lmk 👉👈

and you probably already noticed this, but there isnt really any word limit for posts or asks around these lands. tho on tags, the character limit on a single tag is 139. but you can put a Lot of tags, so there! be free mx quinn, no character limit holds you down no more ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

Thank you so much for the knowledge!

Some Quinn Facts:

Mx., Ms. and Miss are all acceptable :)

I use “gay as hell” as a sort of tongue-in-cheek shorthand, but I also identify as trans as hell, queer as hell, non-binary as hell, lesbian as hell, and anxious/depressive as hell

I’m a vegetarian

My favorite food is pineapple pizza (controversial, I know)

For a few years in the early 2000s, I was a licensed auctioneer

The most times I’ve ever cried during a movie is 5 times during Happiest Season

I like the idea of books, but I’m bad at reading them

Overalls give me gender euphoria, and I don’t know why

I hope to release a solo album within the next year

I hope to direct a feature-length film by the time I’m 40

Coming out was the best thing I ever did

[discourse-by-candlelight]

i saw your reblog and im gonna take you up on that offer if you dont mind. im not trying to come from a closed minded point of view, so im gonna ask something i hope isnt rude? i was wondering what brought you to the decision of creating your system?

Wrath: Sorry for the delay in answering this, we've been going through quite a bit irl lately.

As for your question, it's not rude at all! We're happy to answer it. For this post I suppose I the host/original should answer despite rarely being active on Tumblr. This might be a little messy at times so bear with me. I'll also be using tulpamancy terminology for this post as it's what I know if that's OK. My path into tulpamancy was far more unorthodox than most, that's probably why we run a tumblr blog while most of the community would rather do anything else. Fair warning: This may be very, very long-winded, but every tulpamancer has their own highly subjective story, and mine is out there even by my community's standards. So I'll give a TLDR above the cut and the long biography/essay under.

TLDR: While my first tulpa initially was formed on accident, I found that my life was enriched and genuinely far more fulfilling once I started working with tulpamancy, and the companionship changed my life around when I was in a dark place at the height of Covid. From there I purposely expanded my system, although we had an initial explosion of system size due to some experimentation going a little far. We worked together to create a beautiful inner life and dynamic, and with a couple walk-ins and odd experiences down the line we stabilized at 16 members for over year, and then picked up our final member last September leaving us at 17.

The system is still going strong after 2 and a half years living this way and I feel like my life has more meaning because of them. In fact, I'm not sure I'd still be here today if they weren't around for the trials I've faced within the last year. We've carved out a nice life for ourselves, and while depression still kicks all of our asses at times, we have a collectively agreed upon future dream, and all of us have our own interests and hobbies that helps enrich the rest of us too.

So to begin the long answer/mini biography, I'm host of one of the less common but certainly not unheard of tulpamancy systems that initially formed accidentally. There's a couple ways this can happen, usually via imaginary friends, roleplay characters, or OCs coming to life from repeated imaginative activity in a way that the tulpamancy community would consider to be similar to "forcing" (the in community term for tulpa creation and development). In my case it was less obvious and a little more obscure than that, but I've got a decent hypothesis as to the how's and why's.

So my first tulpa was originally named Shade but nowadays goes by Null, and they formed while I was in a stressful period of my life and I ran into a piece of fanfiction whose main character developed an alter ego, an alter ego that was for all intents and purposes in effect a tulpa. I hyperfixated on this little story, and since previous to this I had spent quite a bit of time in occult circles I was already familiar with the concept of thoughtforms in general. The brain did all the heavy lifting for me without my realizing and only a day or so after finishing said story I had my first experience with Null.

(Note: Most first tulpas when intentionally created take a week or so to form with modern community teachings, but time varies widely between systems. My system is on one of the far ends of the spectrum, forming quite rapidly and without much intent at the start. People on the other end may take months or longer due to mental blocks or misunderstandings of the fundamentals).

At first I was confused obviously, and a little concerned, but Null was friendly and knowledgeable, and we both agreed to do some research into the topic. The first check was DID/OSDD, as I'm sure it is for most people experiencing any form of plurality. I knew I had a trauma history, so it wasn't like it was off the cards for me. We found that we didn't really match up with the criteria, however. Certain things just didn't click and while my system to this day drifts farther down the dissociative spectrum than most tulpamancers and tulpas, we still don't think we've ever truly met the criteria nor do we think we ever will. We exist in a bit of a blurry zone there compared to most tulpamantic systems but nonetheless remain steadfast in our understanding of our system.

Once Null and I put DID back on the shelf for the time we moved onto other searches. These were very general, stuff like voice hearing and imaginary friends, but it did the job because fairly quickly we found a certain article written by an academic on the topic of tulpamancy. This caught our eye and felt like it near perfectly described the experience we were having. It also lightly covered on accidental tulpas, and things clicked into place in my head with me having read that story beforehand.

So we joined the tulpamancy community first by signing up for a forum called tulpa.info

This is where we initially learned most of our techniques, and also where my system went from me and at the time Shade, to Shade Null and I. So at this point we were practicing simple stuff, keeping tulpas around and active, visualization training, basic stuff for tulpas. Null having a very specific and less than emotional personality came to the conclusion that he could better help our dynamic if he changed up his personality and style. This resulted in some experimentation with form, voice, and general self expression, and eventually Shade settled into the form of a feminine hooded shadow person, and developed a very different personality. Shade still has this form and has expanded on it since, but things get interesting here as Null chose instead of just presenting as Shade, to instead split off and keep himself as he was, and let this version of himself become an independent tulpa. So my system went from 2 to 3.

Here's a piece of art I had commissioned for Shade on her first birth/formation day, or well Null's birthday. They consider eachother as two independent manifestations of the same identity which is still confusing even for me at times. Luckily the rest of my system while no less odd is (mostly) far more intentional and not nearly as complex to grasp.

So Shade and I were the ones who really made the system as it is today. Null took a bit of an intentional backseat and still prefers being less active. Shade and I during our couple months alone developed all of the fundamental tulpamancy skills. We developed our visualization and a wonderland aka inner world, we learned possession (A tulpa/headmate controlling a specific limb while someone else fronts), and we learned how to switch via a visualization ritual, and eventually developed it and lessened the time needed down to a blink. Shade and I also practiced some imposition, which is kind of like a form or controlled hallucinations, but that's a crude understanding of it. There's multiple guides and references to the topic from my and other communities such as prophantasia you can look into if you desire.

At some point we decided to experiment with the idea of thoughtforms in our wonderland to give it some life, and maybe adding some new members. While we'll spare the details for personal reasons, things got a little out of hand and what was just supposed to be some imaginary characters innerworld became a large set of tulpas, and I chose to accept them in. This made the majority of my system, and while it was chaotic for a time I have zero regrets.

During and a short while after this time we also had 2 walk-ins (which in the tulpamancy community means a tulpa who forms/appears seemingly out of the blue, usually only after you've been a tulpamancer for some time, not to be confused with spiritual walk-ins from the wider plural community) which I chose to accept as members unlike other walk-ins. Walk-ins are interesting, and there's a few working theories on the topic, but that'll be for a different post, probably on our non syscourse blog @thecandlelightsociety

So to tally up this left my system size at 14 including myself. For reference, most tulpamantic systems have 2 to 6 members on average. Things stabilized here and we stayed a this number for quite a few months, but eventually a member of my system, Dawn, decided to make a new tulpa with some help from a friend. I gave her the go ahead and about half a month later we added Junior to our Simply Plural. At this point I was wrapping up school for the year and was at this point fully adjusted to the plural lifestyle, and it was the most memorable few months of my entire life. We all talked every day, shared perspectives I'd of never had on topics on my own, and discussed individual interests. We would and still do sometimes argue but since we share a brain and as a tulpamantic system don't have any major dissociative barriers we near always understand what eachother feel and truly mean, so they never get nasty and are more philosophical or fun banter. I did lose a fair amount of personal time, splitting it between all of our hobbies, but I enjoy seeing the others have fun and grow as people, so it's time well lost.

So fast forward more and we have our second to last member show up, and this one is yet another unorthodox tulpa formation (seeing a trend with my system yet?). Dawn, being a dumbass as always, decided to mess around with a tulpa hypnosis file and ended up dropping to it, and so two days later we had Sera show up. I was skeptical of her, but she quickly showed herself worthy of staying and so our system reached 16 members and we ended up studying hypnosis for a time. This is the number we would stay at for most of our time as a system up until recently.

During all of this time we would switch front based on whoever felt like fronting, and Astra, the tulpa who actually runs this blog usually, became the most frequent fronter and made me proud, accomplishing multiple personal and academic goals for herself. She's the main reason we're now studying psychology in college, and she would later handle quite possibly the worst couple months of our life all my singlet years included. I couldn't be more happy with all she has accomplished for herself and our shared life. Just seeing her happy and succeeding makes tulpamancy worth it for me.

So our most recent member was also a walk-in, and one of only three fictives in our system. Fictives are common in tulpamancy spaces because using a character as a base model for a tulpa makes the creation process much easier. It gives personality traits and an already known form to work with. My system due to it's unique set of circumstances for most formations however is mainly custom forms. One member of my system really wanted her accepted, and I eventually agreed, and I don't regret it at all either. She has been a wonderful person to get to know and quickly became one of the most active and social members out of all of us, and became the most popular person in our online friend groups.

So that covers the (very rough) general timeline of my experiences with tulpamancy. It is horrifically simplified and missing quite a bit, but the main point was to show that my system, while complex and messy at times, has brought me immense joy. Most of all though, it brought me purpose. I'm so glad I didn't just ignore Null all the way back then and let him dissipate back into the sea of my mind. This journey has been a wild ride, but I love all of my tulpas, and I'm happy to have them as my equals in this shared life of ours.

[frostbite-the-bat]

what do you do in petz + how the fuck is spam tong in petz

ok, so! petz, or in this case, PF Magic Petz specifically, is an old, OLD pet simulator game from the 90s! it's made to run on doo-doo potato computers, and uses it's own wacky technonogy called, and bear with me, "ballz", to render the pet models.

there's other games by pf magic, but we'll focus on petz. before they became stinky ubisoft petz. (ubisoft bought petz) nono ignore that. this is PURE FUCKIN' MAGIC PETZ! (thats what pf stands for)

you adopt a dog or a cat... and you take care of it! and unlike most modern pet sims - your pet truly has a personality of its own. for the game's age it's actually surprisingly complex, and the community is finding new things each year! i believe just last year (or two years ago??) we found out petz have FAVORITE COLORS.

each pet is unique in their own way!! signature animations, favorite foods, what relationships they have with other petz, how you've trained them... one pet may love being fed cheese, while the other may not.

of course there's also personalities for each breed, as each breed has it's own personality. i can't explain this one well, so give this a read!

i used to play petz a lot more back then, nowadays i just check in on it sometimes, but the genuine connection you may get to feel towards your silly guys is real.

fun fact i only adopt cats. i dont do my breeding from scratch but the guys i adopt from other people or PUGS (petz universal game site) (i hope i got that right) i dont like the sounds dogs make. i still need to finish graphics for all my cats. heres some of them. i love them.

what really makes this game is the community! it's a small, but surprisingly lively and friendly community! many of these people may even be twice your age, enjoying this silly pet game online with everyone, it's wonderful! the game is very moddable, and people make their own breeds, toys, areas... anything you think of, it can be put in this game with enough time and creativity!

some people make realistic, breeds, and some people make Silly Guys! like me for example! i'm really into fan-made media petz! it's how i got into the game, after all! i've made some hexied (modded petz) of my own!

ralsei is my best example. gif taken from my site

also, most people around the petz community have their own websites! for their downloads, shows, or to show off their petz!! what you can do is endless. i made my site because of that, though it's in constant disrepair and i SWEAR one day i will move to neocities.

and yes!! shows!! people do shows!! you can pose and take pictures of your petz and it'S actually a very pixel precise thing, trying to get your pet to do a show pose! people do these shows on forums and even give each other little graphic trinkets like badges!!

speaking of graphics... STAMPS!! petz fans love stamps!! i collect some, too, but my collection isnt as impressive as some other people.

people even have stamps for their own sites, that's where these come from!!

already creeping to petz spamton, dont worry!

but about petz hexing, i wanna give a shout out to the skinstealer system at the bad_death site. i admire their work so much. check it out!!! i reblog their things sometimes. (well..on my petz blog but i'll start doing so here, too)

ANYWAYS. PETZ SPAMTON. WHAT IN TOON IS THAT.

Well. you prolly werent there for it but petz spamton took some places of the internet by storm and OH BOY WAS IT BOTH REALLY COOL BUT ALSO VERY TIRING SOMETIME. im not the creator, i do not take credit, however i am partially responsible as that entity was created on my server. (after my friends talked about the reanimated joshua and the promised land video from saberspark - its a big collab and we talked about the people who worked on it. one of them was Moonkitti who has a petz profile picture. i then left the convo but my friend who i wont name so they feel comfy <3 remembered petz and had the wonderful idea of Modding Spamton Into It.)

i was graced with being able to see THE BEASTS PREMIERE. AND LATE AT NIGHT, WATCHING A DISCORD CALL OF THIS THING BEING BORN, SCREEN RECORDING IT ON MY PHONE.... LATER USING THE FOOTAGE TO MAKE This Infamous Video.

petz spamton doesnt look like this anymore its had many updates. (you can see the history on my spamtons as id update a new one and keep it with certain updates!! for example otterpop doesnt have colored paw pads, but mango does.) but this is the original. i had an og adopted as well but i lost it </3 BACK UP YOUR FILES BACK UP YOUR FILES BACK UP YOUR FILES BACK UP YOUR FILES. I MISS YOU CHEESE-TON.

and WELL.. PEOPLE LIKED THIS MOD...! much much fanart... and even some drama uh oh please people dont sexualize feral animals. thanks. go to hell and die. it was both very fun but as you can imagine it got overwhelming especially for my friend so i am keeping them anonymous!! they do have a sideblog for petz just named "petzspamton" if you want to see The Og.

it got many people into petz!! it was wonderful to see people discover this old game. hell! even i got into it this way! though as trends are, they usually go away eventually. i stay however because im ill. hashtag number one spamton pet breeder. dont take it the wrong way. i like spamton mixies.

oh yeah! the breeding in this game! SURPRISINGLY VERY COMPLEX. WONT BE GETTING INTO IT. but! two petz can have a baby! including modded petz! it can create Monstrosities. but some are niceys! i like both the cursed ones because funny but also getting some niceys to keep :) i have many mixed spamtons!!

for example iceshock (white) and creature! (grey)

the possibilities truly are endless !!

but yeah. the hype died down but its always funny meeting people, talking about interests, we get to deltarune. I mention petz, then they say oh yeah petz spamton i know that AND THEN THEY REALIZE WHO I AM "YOU MADE THAT SPAMTON VIDEO" BRUH IT HAS 4K VIEWS ONLY LIKE HOW DO YOU FIND THIS SHIT . THIS HAPPENED ONCE OVER SOMEONE I MET ON A FUCKING CLUB PENGUIN PRIVATE SERVER. i do not like micro fame but oh my god this shit is always so fucking insane and funny to me i love it i love being a fucking cryptid. BUT ANYWAYS

things layed dormant. petz spamton server dead as hell. my own server #living tho #gaming #swag #iamruinbornaftonialwayscomeback.

and then... THEN... SPAMTON SWEEPSTAKES OCCURS. AND THERES A PETZ MENTION THERE. DID WE CAUSE THAT? OR IS IT TOBY JUST LIKING OLD GAMES AS HE DOES.

WELL READ MORE HERE BECAUSE I TALKED ABOUT THIS ON MY WEBBED SITE !

BUT YES. SPAMTON IS IN PETZ NOW. IM PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE. ITS PROBABLY BEEN REFERENCED BY TOBY FOX??? IF YES THEN I HAVE 2 NICKELS FOR HAVING A THING IM RESPONSIBLE/PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR BEING NOTICED BY THE CREATORS. NOT A LOT BUT WEIRD IT HAPPENED TWICE.

PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT MY SPAMTONS. I LOVE THEM.

but man if i may get goopy orizfhhguguughh ill be fr height of petz spamton hype got Tiring .im sosososos glad the server we had for it was tiny as hell and secret because MAN. URUGHH

[enviousennui]

Nobody asked me so im doing it on my own accord

1/2- My chum handle is my username, so yes my username is hs related. When coming up with a username, i thought hard about it and ended up leaning towards the hs format. as for the meaning, it doesn't particulary have one. Im not really an envious person but i guess ennui works sometimes? Idk it doesnt mean anything deep

3- I have referred to my partner as a matesprit in the past but i dont currently since it isnt something ive done for a while

4- I have with online friends but i dont irl. I probably would of in the past though

5- I used to say i kinned Jade but It was always more in the way of strongly relate to instead of traditional kin culture. I do not kin anybody in that sense

6- Sylph of Light

7-I do! It's mostly doodles and more relaxed art as opposed to more detailed pieces, but i post art here and my ask blog

8- I do not but i have been thinking about a potential fic. Im not sure if i will or not though

9-Im currently on a rp server which i play as WV. i havent been super active this week but i try to hop on every week. I used to rp on msprp all the time though

10- Ive been looking to pick up cosplay again. I have cosplayed hs before in the past, that being Terezi. I made her stick and the horns using felt sheets, but it definitely looks like a first cosplay. I gotta revamp it

11-Yep! It's very casual but I've got a wayward vagabond ask blog. I've been thinking of stuff to draw from it aside from asks, since i xo not recieve many asks, but i have not had time recently.

12- not particulary other than the disgrub rp group

13- fuckk thats a hard question. June, Jade and Roxy are very high up there...Terezi ofc, i wouldnt of cosplayed her otherwise. These characters all mean a lot to me but those are the top. Oh and i think it goes without saying but the exiles are definitely top too

14- Equius ane Damara. I like fanon interpretations but those two are just not my faves. I dont need to get into it

15- rosemary, cottoncandy, wvpmar and pepsicola. Guilty pleasures guys.

16- ugh really not a fan of pm/bec noir. Its not very popular and only mildly implied as a black rom thing but no. As for other ships? there's probably a few but none on the top of my head

17- Jane and Dirk. I love their friendship sm

18- I have a lot of mixed feelings. I like aspects of hs2 but yeah.

19- I played the first act of hiveswap when it released but i wasn't able to play act 2. I watched it on yt instead and i enjoy the game. I cant wait for whenever the next act releases....

20- Well i got into it when i was around 13 and im almost 20 now. It feels like a significant amount of my life has revolved around it. I used to reference it at school and even now i make subtle jokes when they pop up naturally

21- not particularly but i do know a few people online through fandom

22- yes but it wasn't an intentional leave, it was more of a slow interest decline where i got into something else at the time. But it came back, this comic is very relevant to me all the time. despite not being my number one interest at times, i always reblogged art.

23- i originally read it during the gigapause, then i read it again once it had ended. I read through it again after hiveswap was released and then again in 2019 before 413 (unaware of the upcoming epilogues that would be released that day) and finally at the beginning of January this year

24- i hate to admit it but when I first got interested in the comic, i couldnt read it. So i decided to watch the voxus dub but i got bored, so i started skipping through and upon seeing Karkat, i thought john had turned into him? When it came time to me actually sitting down with my old shitty pc to read it, i skipped the intermission. I went through the pages but i didnt read it. I didnt think it was important :/

25- once again, mixed opinions. Current fandom is fine, old fandom was all over the place. I was an avid tumblr blogger then and was in a lot of the popular fandoms at the time. Fandomstuck had so many fandoms i was in, for example. Seeing old posts makes me very nosta!gic though and i love to see how loved and active it once wasgic

26-Oof. Okay. The comic is rough but for all the circumstances, it still holds up well. Of course with the website being in shambles, flash being extinct and certain...writing choices...its hard to recommend to people. But if you can look past certain things, or even read the unofficial collection if it makes it more digestible, i still think you should read it cause it does a lot of things i love. And also things i dont. But thats not unheard of

27- carapacians

28-Oo i should of read through this question sheet before answering them all in one. Thats hard to say but cascade is still a huge moment to me. That or jade:enter (yes these are both flashes but those are what came to mind)

29- the retcon. Not the idea of it but the fact its so vriska central. Vriska is not the problem solver. Also hate hate the whole vriska (vriska) stuff. I like (vriska) and seeing her get shredded to shit by the "better" vriska is just. ugh. Theres definitely other things i dont like. Oh god trickster mode. I love the designs but i hate what it is in the comic.

30- *insert the cop upd8 story because im not coming up with something on the fly*

31- Pretty much 95%. In the paat it was more like 50% but now its pretty much blog wide.

“Homestuck Isn’t Dead” Tag

I wanted to make one, so send a number or reblog to get one!

1. Do you have a chum handle? What does it mean?

2. Is your username homestuck related/have you had one hs related?

3. Do you call your s/o a matesprit?

4. Do you call your best friend your moirail?

5. Are you “kin” with any characters or commonly called a character?

6. God Tier?

7. Do you make HS fanart?

8. Do you make hs fanfiction?

9. Do you roleplay homestuck? where and how often?

10. Do you cosplay homestuck characters? Who and where?

11. Are you apart of ask blogs?

12. Are you in any homestuck groups?

13. Favorite character?

14. Least favorite character?

15. OTP?

16. NOTP?

17. BROTP?

18. Do you want homestuck to just die already?

19. Are you following up with hiveswap? Do you play? Watch YT videos?

20. Tell us how homestuck has effected you in real life?

21. Have you met anyone through homestuck?

22. Have you left the fandom before?

23. How many times have you read through it?

24. Did you ever skip intermissions/dialog/animations?

25. Opinions on the fandom?

26. Opinions on the comic?

27. Do you favor the trolls, humans, or carapaces?

28. Favorite moment of all of homestuck?

29. Least favorite moment of all of homestuck?

30. Tell us a homestuck based story.

31. How homestuck related is your blog?

[datafags]

we are going to be taking a break from tumblr. when we come back we are going to be again stricter with who we follow and interact with.

in particular, concerning the palestinian scam discourse, if you are of the opinion Basel Ayyad is/was the victim of a targeted harassment campaign, block me now. i am not interested in what you have to say and your presence in my online space is an embarrassment.

someone on here i actually cared about (albeit parasocially) is effectively gone from my life now because people would rather legitimize scams for fear of being called racist than look at the evidence and draw their own conclusions. did other people take this too far? yes. calling el-shab-hussein the leader of a scam ring is unacceptable and patently false. it hurts her genuine, amazing efforts to help real palestinians. but she is obviously not applying the appropriate level of scrutiny to these blogs.

to be clear, this blog has always had a hard rule for personal reasons to never reblog any kind of fundraiser posts. we have made one single exception to this to reblog 90-ghost's fundraiser when his previous one was shut down. i considered breaking that rule again to show i do actually check the asks i get from supposed palestinian fundraisers when i received another ask from one yesterday.

checking the blog, it only had two posts, both fundraiser posts. he claimed to be vetted by two different blogs, so i clicked the links. the links were both to random fandom blogs who had decided to compile their own lists of vetted fundraisers. neither of them were palestinian and neither of them had any information about what their "vetting" entailed, if anything. one of the blogs, however, said the fundraiser was also vetted by 90-ghost. however, there is no link to proof of this. so i went digging. i google keyword searched (tumblr search sucks) 90-ghost's blog for several different things. the persons url, his first and last name, and keywords from his donation posts and ask. he didnt turn up on the blog at all. neither of his posts were ever reblogged by 90-ghost. his name was never mentioned. i even checked el-shab-hussein and nabulsi's spreadsheets of vetted and "probably real" fundraisers for completions sake. no dice.

at the end of the day, i could not be convinced that this person was who he said he was. assuming theyre not in on it, which would strike me as weird, people like these 19-20 year old fandom blogger "vetters" who seem genuinely interested in supporting palestinian causes would be very easily fooled by this person if he was a scammer, which he easily could be. they likely just looked up the name and saw that he was a real person and called that good enough, despite how easy it is to assume someones identity online.

and now, el-shab-hussein has doubled down on the idea that scrutiny is racist and suspicious behavior should be ignored. what will this do to the ecosystem of identical and near-identical asks pouring in from brand new accounts? how much more profitable will a fundraiser scam be now that the zeitgeist is explicitly, rather than implicitly, "trust every 'palestinian' you meet"? because if sending identical asks to several people including a minor asking to be their sugar daddy isnt suspicious behavior from a palestinian trapped in gaza, then WHAT THE FUCK IS?

anyway. tl;dr: goodbye for now, donate to the UNRWA.

[thisisnottherealryannross]

I posted 417 times in 2022

That's 354 more posts than 2021!

177 posts created (42%)

240 posts reblogged (58%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@milothirst

@thisisnottherealryannross

@pheebebuffy

@stellaluna33

@kimberly-stocks

I tagged 226 of my posts in 2022

Only 46% of my posts had no tags

#jess mariano - 103 posts

#gilmore girls - 96 posts

#milo ventimiglia - 68 posts

#rory gilmore - 34 posts

#literati - 34 posts

#jack pearson - 27 posts

#this is us - 27 posts

#jess x rory - 24 posts

#bobby dalbec - 17 posts

#luke danes - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#my dad just said that bobby isnt the kind of guy you want to start fights with because hes big enough and strong enough to clear a bar room

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

this is my sad little dumbass who really fucking needs a hug and no one is allowed to say mean things about him in my comment section

117 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#4

where were you when the queen died? I was reading the leviathan for a class

118 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

#3

I want to bite him

in a loving, soft way

238 notes - Posted June 10, 2022

#2

okay but jess was honestly the most realistic and normal teenage relationship rory had. dean was bordering on abusive and their relationship was too serious for their age. logan's entire existence is just unrealistic if we're being real (and this is coming from a lower middle class kid going to a rich people college). jess had major issues (adhd, avpd, and ptsd are just some of the possibilities) but when he was actually with rory he was just your average kinda nerdy 17 year old with a crush and to expect "reliability" from him is insane. I think my generation has been jaded to a point of no return because the idea that jess is anything but a kid who needs help is insane. he is not an adult who's supposed to make it on his own in the world. he's school should have supported him more and they should have called luke the second he got to 10 absences.

I also hear a lot of people call dean clingy and needy so I need to clarify that dean is neither of those things, he is obsessive. they way jess becomes attached to and partially dependent on rory might be clingy and needy but dean is NOT. he is far worse.

also can we talk about how sad it is that rory was probably the first person to make jess feel safe enough to just be a kid and not an adult

back to my point about school I saw someone say he would have been better off at a school like Chilton and honestly yeah. the work load would have kept him more engaged and private schools are notorious for actually caring about their students which you see clearly with Chilton. they would have called Luke after the first unexcused absence.

also he's issues don't excuse what happened at the party. obviously he had no intention on SAing her that's clear from how slow he is to approach kissing her so she has time so say no because his verbal communication sucks so much just asking makes him anxious. and on top of that he said she did nothing wrong and went after her to apologize once it clicked what was probably going through her head. but with that said he was a little pushing about it when she pushed him away but even he said he didn't even know what to think anymore (about anything going on with himself really). he raised his voice and snapped at her because he was frustrated with himself and that fact that she was pushing him to talk about what was going on when he didn't want to. does this give him the right to raise his voice at her? absolutely not but he was going to apologize so I assume he knew what he did wrong

anyway that scene is not as bad as it's made out to be and honestly it's one of those scenes that you need to look at with a early 2000s lense because it would have probably been interpreted completely different back then

also why didn't she want to bring him to her prom? like she brought dean to a dance a her school why not jess? he was less whiny about wearing a suit too so I can see him having more fun than dean and not getting in a fight with one of her classmates. also what tf was that "because I'll kill you" bs with Tristan like babe your 16 calm down cool it with the fake tough guy shit

628 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just watched the video the try guys released about ned and while Zachs very outward sadness and Keith's clear disappointment hurts, Eugene's sadness that he is masking as anger kills me. he may look absolutely furious but you can hear in his voice, especially towards the end, just how upset he is.

4,093 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[zenpai-senpai]

Litterally havent posted anything here in almost a year lmao my art is fucking awesome, you just havent seen anything new and everything isnt my "masterpiece", its made specifically so i could make alot of it. Thats why all my "me vs other girls but make it lesbian" and " trender vs real trans but make it gay" arent shaded or highlighted at all. They are just lined and colored 😂😂

all the art posted here was made almost a year ago, i just cant post my new stuff because its 1. Im currently working on animations and irl art mediums like painting/knitting/diamond sequin art/fanficition/writing/working on my fanganronpa/etc aka stuff that dosent make sense to post on a digital art blog thats mostly misc. Fandoms and ideas, 2. Some of my newer good stuff is nsfw so it cant be posted on tumblr without being reported by bitchass pple like you, 3. There is no age limit on art, anyone can start at any age and all that matters is that people like the art they've made and lastly 4. Ive been considering coming back and posting some undertale au and sans oc art but ive had a pretty consistent art block, i think you just broke it lol thanks! I might come back!

Most of my stuff hasnt been postable here and judgeing me on a mixed bag of art thats anywhere from a year ago to almost 6 years ago( considering my reblogs of art i posted on my og blog) is not a proper way to judge an artist. Like just say your lgbtphobic or racist or something because you dont like i made alot of different types of people in my mvogbmg posts because you didnt even give mean spirited constructive criticism, you just insulted it without any specifics 😂😂 So like, take a dick up the ass and whine in someone else's inbox or sumthn, id like to see you draw something better.

I went from this at 13-14

First 2 are my ocs and last one has muffet. All of these draw on anime bases off google and colored on ms paint. This isnt even the oldest ms paint art, i have hetalia(i dont support hetalia anymore, i was young and dumb) stuff even older.

To this at 19-20.

One manga coloring w/stock photo background, one of my own oc with no tracing or even a reference w/stock photo bg and last one is kacchako w/o any tracing or body references with a bg and clothing i created myself.

Id say for there being a max 7 years and minimum 5 years, thats a fuck ton of improvement, not counting my 2 billion big binders of art made on lined paper. Im very proud of my art because its the strongest thing about me. No amount of wah wah unrequested judgement of it will ever sway me from enjoying my art and how it looks. I went to school for it ffs, lets see your graphic arts degree, hm?? Oh you dont have one? Shut up lol

[princeanxious]

What art are you most proud of? And please show us a pic if you can! <3

Not gonna lie, this was actually p hard to answer. I’m honestly proud of any piece I get done, especially any full body, full color, full background pieces, and I refuse to let myself out-right hate anything that I draw in general now-a-days, unfinished or no. I draw for fun, always have, so I try not to put too much worry on how good something looks so long as it gets my idea across in a way that I like, or that I tried?? (And ik being proud of a piece doesnt have to tie into what the end result looks like, im just covering that base) I looked through all of my recent digital art on my ipad(that i’ve had what, 3-4 years at this point?) and found myself about just as happy with each finished piece-

-Except one. There is one piece that I forget about constantly but I’m honestly super proud of the amount of effort it had put in to reach the end result. It probably sees a number of glances infrequently(due to my sporatic activity on said blog) but isnt posted to this blog’s art tag.

It’s the blog banner I drew for my @thelostguardianau fic, of the(at the time) whole cast in the au. You can find the post to reblog it from here but i’m also adding it below for reference. (* and honestly I’ll mention every other art piece in this au posted to it’s blog stands at having this same proudness, as each individual characters complicated design fed into this big banner, each one having a giant set of uniquely drawn wings, complex body markings, and unique clothing and features. And I would not have been able to complete this banner without having those singular character chart pieces finished first, except for Thomas’s design, who has yet to be posted for ✨reasons✨)

This fricking Banner was and still is(for now, *wink*) the most ambitious piece I’ve managed to finish. It took me so long, my wrist hated me, my ipad hated me, my ipencil hated me, medibang hated me, this piece pushed the limits of the poor app. Every time I try and open this piece up on the app it takes a solid couple seconds to open, save, and close.

From sketching to lining every single character, to having to uniquely match up Their Wing Sizes and Heights, because Guardians are fucking Tall, so Wing size and Height size was hell to calculate and portray. Why, you might ask?

Because I was limited to the proportions that would actually fit into a tumblr mobile banner. Which, funfact, is much smaller than you’d think!

I had to make sure they’d all fit, wings and all. And they didnt fcking want to. But I made it fit, because I wanted a full body + wings cast banner and goddamn it that was going to happen. And I did. And I lost a fuck-off amount of detail-space for it.

Coloring it wasn’t exactly difficult, but I will once again point back to this app hating this piece and it draining my battery because of it. I work in layers. My lineart will have 5-6 different layers in color before I combine them and set the hue to black, but I still keep my lineart seperate in that each character has their own lineart, and the background lineart is seperate.

I had their lineart, and probably still do, seperated into Seven different layers, one per character, each one w/ an extra masking layer for their wing glow. Each character got their own folder for colors, and had multiple layers for each colored section: clothing, skin, skin blush + eye whites, hair, wings, body markings, marking glow. And then there was the background layers, and the glowing affects, ect. The whole piece stands at having about 80 total layers having been used over the course of making it.

So yeah, Medibang does not like this piece when I try to open it. xD

But really, setting aside fighting and babying technology thats being pushed close to its limit, the real pride comes from the fact that this piece has Seven fully colored, near-full body characters drawn, all touching and interacting and accurate to the scale that I made. It is the most amount of characters in one piece that I’ve ever drawn, colored, and finished, and I’m pretty fricken proud of it.

Which makes it all the more daunting that said banner is going to get an upgrade, because it’s a Character Cast Banner after all, and its going to have four more fully designed and full winged characters added into it.

And by upgrade, I mean I get to redraw the whole dang thing. Because I gotta rearrange ✨everyone’s✨ positions. And at this point, the only way thats possible is by starting over.

wish me luck on that. o_o;

[andromedasstarship]

faceless, nameless - the prologue

gif credit - @kylos 

pairing - kylo ren x reader 

warnings - canon-typical star wars violence, depictions of death/violence, fighting (verbal + physical), loosely implied physical intimacy (really up for interpretation here), angst, tension, implied mild love triangle, kylo ren betrays you 

summary - For four years, Kylo Ren considered you to be many things: his right hand, his confidant, an irreplaceable strategist, a friend and most importantly his equal. It all ended when he left you with a blaster shot to the stomach on a near deserted planet. On the brink of death, a rather dashing Resistance Pilot stumbled upon you, saving your life.  

Donning a mask to hide your identity, you’ve grown to become the most fearsome Resistance fighter they have; bewildering the First Order as to how you always seem to ruin their plans and avoid capture. Kylo Ren is a different man from when he left you two years ago, so how will he react when he accidentally finds you alive and well in Poe’s memories?

masterlist // series masterlist // read it on ao3 here 

next chapter 

-----

the prologue - the sun 

On Starkiller Base, there were plenty of rumors as to why Kylo Ren kept you around. Some said it was because of your extensive training in hundreds of different languages, both spoken and signed. Others were sure it was due to your diplomatic upbringing that came with countless connections and near endless wealth. Or, maybe it was due to your more than adequate ability in battle that served him the most. Even some people thought you were a kept woman, who only existed as a way for Kylo Ren to blow off steam behind closed doors. Your favorite rumor was that you were actually a high-ranking Resistance spy who was tasked with infiltrating the First Order at the highest level and that Kylo Ren had become weak because of you. Had it not made you laugh so much the first time you heard it, Kylo would’ve crushed the windpipe of the lowly officer who created the elaborate lie. 

Of course, there were some truths in all the rumors, but none of them exciting. You were in fact trained in hundreds of languages and that training was a product of your diplomatic upbringing. You were exceptionally trained in various forms of combat, but that was something that came after you met Kylo; he had always been afraid of you not being able to properly defend yourself. You were most certainly not a kept woman, not that you and Kylo weren’t intimate, but certainly not in the type of dynamic people thought. You absolutely were not a Resistance spy, but even though neither of you said it aloud, Kylo Ren was definitely weak for you. 

How it actually happened is quite boring. The two of you met when Kylo had just turned 24, still more Ben Solo than Kylo Ren. You were recently 23 at the time, head of a diplomatic welcoming committee that met with Kylo as part of his first official diplomatic endeavor as ‘Kylo Ren’ the soon to be Commander of the entire First Order. He quickly became enamored with you and the way you commanded a team full of older men who clearly didn’t approve of your position- whether it was due to your age or gender he didn’t know- but still treated you with respect; in short, you radiated a confidence and power he desired. For you, it was quite the opposite, Kylo Ren still wasn’t sure of himself and at times still acted like the awkward lanky Jedi boy who had never spoken to a girl outside of school purposes. He was a fresh and welcomed change from all the annoyingly rich and cocky men you met with on a daily basis. 

Him and his team stayed on your home planet for nearly three months. Countless delegates from various planets flocked there for balls, meetings, conferences, and more. Your connections ran deep and you directly aided in the First Order’s successes during those three months. For the first few weeks, you and Kylo skirted around the obvious pull between the two of you. He wasn’t exactly sure how to ‘woo’ a girl, nor was he even sure if he was allowed to. His lack of action caused you to regularly doubt if he also felt the spark, or if it was completely one sided on your end. Weeks of longing gazes and accidental brushes of fingertips finally came to an end when the two of you were sitting on your private balcony, overlooking the well kept grounds, discussing the conference that had just ended. It was a roaring success for your planet as well as the First Order, both of you securing mining resources at an exceptional locked rate for a minimum of fifty basic years. You made the first move, he was irresistible under the moonlight, closing the space between you on your bench and pressing your lips directly on his. In his hesitation you thought you had completely misread the past month, but it was only a moment later that his hands found purchase in your hair, pulling you closer. The two of you were nearly inseparable for the rest of his trip. 

It was difficult, when he finally had to return to his new master and some massive ship that would be lightyears away from you. Unspoken promises were made the night before he left, declarations of love and devotion made behind closed doors. He was still far from truly becoming Kylo Ren, had copious amounts of training to finish before he would see himself be fitting for someone like you. If he was nothing else, Kylo was desperate for loyalty and when you watched his ship leave you had no doubts he would come back. 

And he did, nearly an entire standard year later. You almost didn’t recognize him when he stepped off his personal ship. All broad shoulders and shrouded in layers of black, with that intimidating mask covering his face. He was proving to be quite the warrior, the tales of him and the Knights he commanded reaching the farest edges of the galaxy. When the welcoming festivities had ended and he removed his mask in the privacy of your room, you found a mature face that had lost the softness you once knew. It was no matter to you, flinging yourself into his arms and vowing to never let go. 

This time, when he left, you went with him of course. Kylo had been shocked when Snoke approved it, but Snoke, ever the manipulator, knew the growing attachment between the two of you would inevitably prove to be valuable in controlling Kylo Ren. 

Moving into a giant spaceship wasn’t easy for you. The dark, cold and everlasting expanse of space was a sharp contrast to your warm ocean planet. You missed the sun on your face and your people, but when you vowed to never let him go, you meant it. As time went on, you grew accustomed to the ship and then eventually Starkiller- which was an entirely different battle, that piece of ice had you complaining for months-, and soon enough you couldn’t imagine a life not in space. 

Most of your days were monotonous, not that you minded. From the first day you stepped foot onto base, Kylo began training you himself. He never wanted you to feel as hopeless and afraid as he did when he woke up to his uncle ready to kill him in his sleep. So he trained you, and he trained you hard. You could wield a lightsaber well enough, as he argued that should anything ever happen to him- a thought you hated entertaining-, his saber would be the best weapon you had available. You were smaller than him, so close combat was a challenge but you learned to use your size and agility as an advantage. What you specialized in, was the staff. It allowed you to give a larger opponent at a safe range until it was possible to take them down. Kylo had a special one created just for you, with double edged electrical ends that you could easily turn on or off. It was rare that he actually let you on a battlefield with him, but when he did you were unstoppable. Not that you minded, you quite enjoyed working behind the scenes, forming battle plans and leading diplomatic endeavors for the First Order. 

Other than Snoke, no one out ranked you, not even Ren; a fact he had been extremely particular about after a visiting diplomat made the excuse of outright ignoring and belittling your presence in a meeting. You were equals in everything, even going as far as taking on the ‘Ren’ moniker. 

Among First Order subordinates, you were fairly well liked, and not just because it was unspoken that anyone who thought badly of you would probably die at Ren’s hand. The people actually liked you. Ren was cold, you were warm. When he was sharp, you were soft. It worked well, his ability to command troops and fuel the fires of war was complimented perfectly by your ability to talk nearly anyone to your side. 

You never wavered in your support for him, ever loyal by his side no matter what he did or who he killed or how many villages he burned to the ground. You stood next to him, never behind, when new planets presented themselves as potential allies. You watched from above when he burned villages, that dared aid the Resistance, to the ground. You cleaned and healed every single wound he received from Snoke’s brutal training. You held him together when the pull to the light made him feel weak and undeserving. 

Anyone could see that you were the sun that Kylo Ren revolved around.  

So, when he came back to Starkiller on that fateful day, covered in blood- your blood-, announcing that you were dead- and he was the one who killed you-, and that your name was never to be uttered on his base or by any First Order subordinate ever again, no one knew what to do. 

-----

 a/n - hi!!! im so excited for this story, ive never written star wars before and my lore knowledge isnt the best ill admit, so please excuse any minor bits of pieces i may get wrong! comments/likes/reblogs always appreciated. if you wanna be added to the taglist, just ask and ill make one! :D 

no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own star wars or any of the character involved in it. 

[samhaininthemembrane]

🎃Welcome!🖤

This is my side blog where I can talk and vent about my disability and neurodivergence, as well as reblog things related to those topics. I will state that I am not an authority on anything discussed here beyond my own lived experience. Please take anything I say with a reasonable grain of salt and remember that I am not a professional.

About Me

My name is Madi/Mati (pronounced Mad-ie/Matt-ie,which in my version of english sounds roughly the same), but you can call me Samhain (pronounced Sau-ihn) or other derivatives of my username if you prefer.

I am 28 years old. If you dont want to interact based on age, keep that in mind!

My pronouns are She/They/He. Feel free to mix them up from time to time!

I am nonbinary with femme leanings because gender is complicated and that's what I've decided is the most accurate description of my lived experience. I mention this specifically because it affects how I live with my disability. I will accept good natured questions about it.

I am queer, and I will say the word queer in reference to myself or the community. I have several different orientations and sometimes it's just too complicated to get into all of them.

I am inclusive and intersectional, as I understand that everything affects everything else in different ways and that a persons life experience can't be compartmentalized like that.

I am a vocal proponent of science based medicine, therapy, and medication as well as a proponent of informal or self diagnosis. I understand that care isnt accessible to everyone and that it's more nuanced than that. Everyone deserves respect and dignity regardless of whether or not they can or want to seek treatment for themselves.

I struggle a lot with memory problems, so it is not uncommon for me to reblog things I've reblogged before, repeat points I've already made, forget to include important tags or image descriptions, and forget to respond to messages for long stretches of time. I appreciate your patience in this regard and do not mind gentle and well intentioned reminders!

My ask box is generally open, and anons are fine! It might take me a bit to answer, but I will do my best to do so! I promise I'm not ignoring you!

What I Have?

First off, I will say that no one is entitled to this information, and I am choosing to make it known because I want to. No one is ever entitled to info you deem private and the idea that you have to prove you're "___ enough" to strangers is, frankly, fucked up. I'm okay with being open about it because I'm an adult and incredibly open about it in my daily life, but you dont have to be.

I'll put this below a read more as to not conjest things too much. 🖤

Known disabilities/neurodivergences:

ADHD (Inattentive Type) - Got diagnosed as a kid but I didnt know it. Didn't get treatment until I was an adult. I have been getting treatment for this, and my mental health toolkit is pretty established. It is still definitely something I struggle with that hinders a lot of aspects of my life, but therapy and meds changed my life.

Spinal Injury - Happened when I was 20 for no reason. Have had surgery that helped with most of it, but still experience effects of it. (Herniation between L4-L5 if you're curious)

Chronic Vestibular Migraines - Started in July of last year, very frequent. Currently seeking treatment for it, but since it's not a super well understood type of migraine, it's hard to treat.

Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and S.A.D. - I lump these all together because they kind of go together. Also I've never known another disabled person who didnt have some variety of this (although most disabled people I know became disabled later in their lives.)

Geographic Tongue and Various Allergies - I have to careful to not make my tongue flare up beyond what is tolerable when I eat, and there is not a time of year when I don't have to take allergy meds. My allergies have never put me in the hospital, but I do get hives, restricted breathing, etc. (Yes, I am aware that Geographic Tongue is an outdated diagnosis, but its easier than explaining the nuance of it).

Dental Issues - I don't know about a specific diagnosis but my teeth are for sure bad.

Mild Scoliosis - Enough that it affects me, not enough to get treatment about it.

General chronic pain and fatigue

Suspected disabilties/neurodivergences (i.e. not formally diagnosed):

Autism - My therapist and I have been talking about it and I'm currently deciding if I want to seek out a formal diagnosis or not, seeing as it's known to be a difficult process. This would be in addition to the ADHD.

Auditory Processing Disorder - it's a pretty common comorbidity with ADHD and I'm pretty sure I have it.

Dyscalcula - never formally diagnosed, but suspicion is there.

Something more than just a migraine disorder, since I have a lot of various issues and the meds I get prescribed for migranes dont work well and have horrible side effects.

Some sort of autoimmune disorder, since I get sick incredibly easily (about one big sickness a season) and it wipes me out every time. I also get skin infections incredibly easily and that's gotta be a thing, right?

[theeternalghost]

#Ok Im gonna say Something.#First of all SORRY to Op for reblogging this but NEVER READING IT!!!! Im Sorry I know that that's not how things are typcially done.#BUT LET ME SAY SOMETHING.#OK Im so sorry to OP for ranting in the tags of their 0 note fanfic that i wont even read but GIMME A MINUTE !! OK.#How do I say this.#I cant believe it was this long ago by now but it was I believe MAY of 2023 and it was 7 AM and i was scrolling on OP's blog?#And i was scrolling throuhg their fanficiton tag and i was like. Oh Dear. As you may expect#how do i put this... I DIDNT READ THIS STORY but I did skim what was written here and IT STUCK WITH ME ?#In truth i missed the breeding kink detail and went straight to reality-as-is rape. Over time I stopped thinking abt the trans detail even#BUT ANYWAY THIS ONE ... disturbed me of course ... AND IT MADE ME THINK...#IDK.... I just started thinking abt that ghoulish year they spent in the room of spirit & time ...#Vegeta's lack of loyalty to anything good & holy at this time... The conflict of their characters ...#I started listening to Rob Zombie at this time ...#Long story short I felt like the idea of an extreme violation occuring b/t them in that room was a DEEPLY FASCINATING story and#it showed a lot of facets of their realities & the realities of emotional and familial ... difficulties .#And. Idkkkk. It was so morbid. BUT THEN I ALSO GOT HUNG UP ON HOW FUNNY IT WAS THAT#IN DBS TRUNKS HAD TO SEE HIM AGAIN ??!??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?#LIKE...... OMG ?!?!?!?! im sorryyyyy but it had me fist-pounding-on-desk LAUGHING like..#OK I should just make my own post. But ohmy god. LIKE IT'S SO BAD !??!? Vegeta's a changed man and sort of forgot abt all that.#BUT THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE & TRUNKS IS TRYING TO BE COOL ABT IT BUT ... He's freaking out inside. Worrying for Present Trunks. Etc

#Eventually vegeta approches him abt it and ALL HE SAYS IS ''Hey. No hard feelings. Okay?'' AND SLAPS HIM ON THE BACK.#SOO SORRY OP LIKE THIS IS YOUR STORY THIS ISNT ABT ME...#But I always intended to reblog this post onto this blog bc it did INSPIRE something in me and i dont know much about the world but#I do respect OP for the weird things they write & post. AND IT MAKES ME SAD THAT THIS POST STILL HAS 0 NOTES?#I saw it 7 months ago and in that time no one has read it or hit like. SAD. I am sorry for not reading it myself but#Just the strange way I feel reading the description is thrill enough for me thank you ...#I always thought that I would post some about Vegeta & Future Trunks on this blog and IDK if I ever will but#This post needs to be reblogged onto this blog for in case I do ...#Reblog#Writing

NOBODY HAS EVER GOT IT LIKE THIS. YOU. YOU GET IT. and my god I hope you do write a thing someday PLEASE tag me if you do!!!

cause you are right, in the grand scheme of things the implications and ramifications are SO dark and morbid and awful because of who Vegeta was at the time of their year in the chamber? it's incredible that Trunks retained any affection or admiration for Vegeta after that. and then Vegeta of DBS era is a drastically different person?? I'm not sure Future! Trunks could even fathom it. So he keeps half an eye on Vegeta and half an eye on his younger self and tries not to shy away from his not-father.

also don't be sad for me about not having notes. with the kind of subject matter i usually write about, i'm used to it. i get a LOT of hits, bookmarks, and kudos on ao3 but rarely any comments or reblogs. and from past experiences in other fandoms, it's 100% because people don't want to be perceived consuming the kind of fic i write.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Dragon Ball Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1006 Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Future Trunks Briefs/Vegeta Characters: Future Trunks Briefs, Vegeta (Dragon Ball) Additional Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mild Breeding Kink, Parent/Child Incest, Trans Character, Loss of Virginity Summary:

The strong hand in his hair fists it tighter, yanking his head back far enough that all he can see is the empty white of the chamber.

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x