#i have not felt this specific Flavor of ass since high school and i am filled with Negativity

[copperbadge]

This is not to sniff at packaged food in any way, because cheap, uniform, nutritious, premade food is important and necessary. And despite what your local tiktok orthorexic may tell you, packaged food is still capable of providing solid nutrition.

That said, I've been making my own bread for about twenty years, and for the last ten or so it has often been easier to make bread than buy it, solely because I don't need to leave the house to do so, and I live alone so a decent loaf can last me a good ten days. Being able to make ones own bread in this modern era is a product of privilege -- the resources to buy the ingredients (especially high quality flour, not cheap), the time and space to bake, the stamina to knead or equipment to make kneading easier -- my breads improved a lot when I got a good stand mixer, and those aren't cheap. But also, to make a decent edible boule you can get by with flour, water, yeast, salt, and time. Throw in a little oil and you can make pizza crust; add in kneading and a bit of sugar and you have bagels.

It did somewhat change how I eat, because homemade bread is often a little difficult to make a sandwich with, but I was never a huge fan of sandos anyway. These days I often don't even make loaves -- I make rolls or bagels, or flatbreads.

But all of this is to say that because I'm now accustomed to eating my own bread, which is necessarily small-batch and produced without stabilizers that make commercial bread so soft and uniform, I am starting to struggle when I do buy bread because the flavor and texture often feel off. It's not that it's objectively bad food, but it's very different from what I'm used to, which is unpleasant. I've been aware of the issue for a while but previously even if the bread wasn't as good to me as my own, it was edible and convenient, so it was fine. Making your own hot dog buns is a pain in the ass.

I just bought a loaf of Italian bread, reasonably fresh, a brand I used to eat regularly, because I wasn't feeling up to baking anything. I've been making toast with it mostly. But yesterday morning -- admittedly while dealing with some nausea -- I bit into a sandwich I'd made with it (cashew butter and strawberry jam) and thought, "this feels like eating upholstery fabric."

I haven't been able to eat any more of it since. The soft, dense texture, the specific preservative flavor, the mouthfeel. I tried to eat some toast just now and had to spit it out because it felt like buttered brocade and I started to gag. I'm kind of mad about it, honestly.

The bread won't go to waste -- if I can't eat the rest of the bag I'll dry it out and crush it for breadcrumbs for fried chicken or a panade -- but it's both sad and funny that I have functionally baked myself into a corner where packaged bread is no longer even an option.

It feels like I'm becoming one of the middle-aged eccentrics I used to know when I was a kid -- older people or couples in my church, sometimes parents of my school friends, who were just kind of oddballs, hippie leftovers, what I still think of as Berkeley Weirdos (affectionate) even though Berkeley has long since gentrified. The lady who didn't have a functional oven or stove because she ate raw vegan or the family that converted their old station wagon to biofuel but kept the rear-facing back seats with no seatbelts and would give us death-defying rides to the community pool in them. I'm already growing my own basil because I eat an unlikely amount of pesto for one person. My signature potluck dishes are kiwi dip or egg-free meringues.

I don't mind, exactly. I loved the Berkeley Weirdos and the community they built for us kids. But it's definitely not a place I imagined ending up.

[ahkmen]

i feel ........ Ass

[scandeniall]

falling in love | atsumu m.

pairing: atsumu x reader

warnings: few curse words. Yk the usual; aged up/post time skip

alternatively; what its like falling and being in love with atsumu

thank u all for the thoughts on the sakusa version. figured i’d give another boy a try and am considering making this a series 

Falling in love with Atsumu feels like being on a roller coaster. There are so many ups and downs but you never want to get off. Falling in love with him requires time but once you do its the most amazing thing in the world. 

Its meeting at Onigiri Miya after he’s had a long and rough day at practice and you two order the same meal. The order is called off and in a haze of exhaustion he thinks its his grabbing the bag almost immediately bumping into you and dropping the bag. Hes so so tired and so so hungry that he nearly tears up before mumbling a series of expletives, not even processing any of the spew of apologies you shoot at him. Even worse when he finds out it wasn’t even his order he dropped, because so much for a free meal. He’s in shock when you decline him buying you a new one because he “looks ready to drop dead at any moment.” He barely processes the way Osamu comes out both annoyed at the mess and amused at his frozen twin before telling you a replacement was on the house and forcing Atsumu to go nap in the back for a little because driving home. 

Its how after that night, he’d started seeing you more and more at the shop, very brief conversations here and there leading up to him asking for your number since “ya seem to come here as much as me.” At some point he found out that its because its your roommate’s favorite spot and picking up dinner is on your way home (not that you've ever mentioned that you’d gotten to enjoy the view of both the cook and his brother.)

Its the friendship you develop with his twin and fit right in with their friends. In some whirlwind of conversation you expressed concern for him (as a stranger) to where his brother said it wasn’t unusual for him to come in, half dead, eat and sleep off some of his exhaustion before heading home. It wasn’t all the time, but often enough. However, accidentally stealing someone else's food was a new one for him. You jokingly called Atsumu sleeping beauty, which was the start of it. The two of you frequently teamed up against the twin, to tease at him and no matter how much Atsumu claimed to hate it and he wishes you two despised each other, he cant hide the smile that tugs at him. 

Its the moments like the one when you met where you end up picking him from practice, catching a ride to the gym because he's so so tired and wants nothing more than to stuff his face and sleep for days. Just months into your friendship he’s trusting you with his car, because you seem that dependable. The praises of you being a good friend as his hand lingers against yours after passing the keys over to you. The way he looks slumped against the cars window has something stirring inside of you. You take a picture for blackmail later and to reinforce how much better he is when hes not talking. 

Its how he sits on your couch eating all your snacks while he shit talks all the guys that appear on your tinder. Calls some of them jobless losers, and its the frist time he admits that he thinks you're hot. “Yer too hot for that guy”, while swiping left on all of them (even the ones you would’ve gone right for.) The way you retort confirming that he thinks you’re hot has him speechless and stuttering, insisting that he didnt mean it like that, yet can’t explain how he meant it. 

The times you bicker and he suddenly becomes the worst friend you have. The time you two had stopped talking for like a month, mad over something you’d forgotten a week later. Yet, all you knew is that you were supposed to be mad. He could “go to hell” and you were “so fucking annoying.” Over the course of your friendship he’d made it a habit of taking things from you; your favorite mug because he still had a drink in it when it was time for him to go. Your fuzzy socks that he’d claimed during a movie night, because your apartment was way too cold. The spare reusable bottle because he forgot his and was already on his way to the gym. You’d resorted to trying to slowly get your stuff through Osamu, but by week 3 he’d grown tired of it. He promised you both a free meal if you came and helped him close up one night, before forcing you two to talk it out. Within five minutes the two of you are laughing. 

Your first date had been one by accident of some sorts. You’d been walking around a shopping center at night and he’d caught view of a new ice cream shop. It was his cheat weekend and he suggested stopping. His treat. Some time in between you going home he’d teased that it felt like a date. You both were hit with a oh shit kind of moment because it was true. Throughout the night your hands had brushed several times, and you’d both even let the other use your spoon to taste your different ice cream flavors. 

Atsumu’s feelings came relatively easy. He thought you were kind, funny, interesting, and of course attractive. You had a way of leaving him speechless with your quick and witty comeback, and it was refreshing. It’d been something he hadn’t seen much since his high school days with Aran. However he’d denied the feelings for the longest, swearing to himself that he’d never have a crush on you. You were just one of the bros, but better.But, after that first date its like the feelings just flooded out. It’d ended with you hinting that you’d be interested in going on another one, “perhaps a real one this time,” and he just nodded. 

There weren’t many dates before the two of you dived into your relationship. Afterall, you’d been friends for over a year and if he’d thought you were annoying he wouldve “been gotten rid of you.” His first act of the two of you becoming a couple, was a cute picture for his new wallpaper. It’d been a hassle to get because with every picture, one of you had a problem. The first time his roots were peaking through too much and he fussed at you for not telling him he needed a touch up. Then the one he liked you were blinking, and hed insisted you looked good anyways (or that he did). He’d recounted a time where he didn’t care about making memories, but it was different now. They made him who he was, and wanted to keep the memories of your growth. 

Its the nights before games that he spends with you doing self care (an act he used to pretend like he only did because you wanted to, before just begrudgingly admitting that he liked it too.) You’d gone to look for a specific face mask, before he admitted that he stole it and forgot to bring it back (when really he used it all up and was just waiting for you to buy another one so he could take that one too). When you rolled your eyes at him, he’d just brush it off a promise of returning it before opening his arms for you to return to your cuddle position. You were supposed to be watching a movie, but he’d pulled up old games of his future opponents and kept showing you interesting plays. One hand holding the phone, the other unconsciously rubbing circles onto your back. He asks if you’re paying attention to him and you admit that you aren’t at all and he sighs in over dramatic disappointment before locking the phone and focusing on you.  

Its the argument that almost led to your breakup that happened due to a miscommunication. You’d been out with friends, Atsumu already trying and failing to coax you into staying the night with him instead. All it had taken was a picture taken completely out of context for him to feel hurt. He really really liked you (borderline was ready to admit loving you)!and thought you’d at least felt a fraction of the same emotion towards him. That night he hadn’t thought through anything before sending the picture (snapped on who knows who’s phone) to you with a simple ‘I see how it is’. What made it even worse is that you hadn’t seen the picture right away. 

It’s how your heart dropped later that night when you were finally ready to head back to his, and your heart ached at how you called him several times only to be sent straight to voicemail. Your attempt at reaching his twin was lucky as he hadn’t even told him about what he thought had happened yet. Another strike of luck when Osamu believed you and ensured that this was a case of his brother acting first and thinking later. 

The makeup had been one both of relief and realization that the two of you needed to talk. It’s when you found out that he was in love with you and that he really did love hard. Just like with volleyball, he wasn’t sure what kind of dumb shit he’d be getting into if you weren’t there. Having to sit through the conversation was uncomfortable for him as he was often the one doing the scolding to others. However the difference was that you admitted that you could’ve handled it better as well (something he doesn’t do when he’s complaining about others).

Its the nights where he hits you up at 2am already outside begging you to just take a late night drive with you. He knows you can’t tell him no so he’s offering a smirk pushing the door open as you sleepily make your way in. His eyes soften at how cute you look (he’s definitely known to slip up and talk in a baby voice like this and yes you’ve blackmailed that ass when he annoys you). You tell him that you look like shit at the moment and he agrees before backtracking and still saying you look good. 

You end up at some late night drive through arguing about fries because “ya didn’t even wanna come out in the first place” and you both don’t need them. You could just share. The workers in the drive through literally have to tell y’all to hurry up to where he just glared at the faceless menu. You have to end up shouting over him the order that he still ends up complaining about. Even though you end up with the two different orders he eats all yours and every time you try and swat his hand away he exclaims that he bought them. 

Those nights you wake up pretty easily because he lowers the windows and turns up his throwbacks playlist pretty loud and sings terribly and just looks so happy. Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney comes on and he loves grabbing your hand at it while singing along. Those moments are a different kind of joy from when he’s playing volleyball. He’s not focused on a win or his team and how to celebrate. He’s living in the moment, happy and carefree and with his favorite person.

a/n: um yeah cant lie I do like the sakusa version better but here we go. another middle of the night ramble. 

[hoekaashi]

3 am Talks - hq pt 1

a/n: time for the hq series! these ones are shorter since there are more people. next is seijoh and nekoma! pairings: hinata x reader, kageyama x reader, sugawara x reader, daichi x reader, noya x reader warnings: post time-skip spoilers, a bit suggestive (daichi) taglist: @babydabi, @suckersuki, @bakugoustanaccount​, @animoozies part 1 | part 2

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

⇾ he would probably be jumping all over the place at first, not knowing which topic to settle on ⇾ but he would end up settling on a “meaning of life” type of conversation ⇾ more specifically, what’s his purpose in this world ⇾ when he saw the Little Giant play, it inspired him to become a volleyball player but why was HE put on this earth ⇾ I feel like he would get deep without even realizing it ⇾ like you would just be staring at him and he would be like ???

“I don’t know why I’m here. I want to know my purpose.” You stared at Hinata, surprised at how the conversation took a turn. He merely stared at you with those big, curious eyes. “...what?” you asked. “Watching the Little Giant play, it felt like everything made sense. He was put here to inspire others and show them the greatness of volleyball. But why was I put here? It couldn’t possibly be just to follow in someone else’s footsteps. What am I leaving behind once I’m gone?” You hummed. “Well, I mean, you made it as a wing spiker on a national team. You played for the country at the Olympics. I think you’ve done a lot more than just ‘follow in someone else’s footsteps’. You paved your own way, and who knows, maybe you inspired a little Shoyo out there to play volleyball too.” Hinata perked up hearing that. “You really think I inspired someone?” That sent him off on another tangent and you listened to him speak with a soft smile on your face.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he would talk about milk, all kinds of milk, the different flavors ⇾ why is it called almond milk if you aren’t milking the almonds? Shouldn’t it be called almond juice? ⇾ jk jk ⇾ he would talk about his goals beating hinata ⇾ delve into his insecurities being on a national team with other pro players who have been doing this for a much longer time than him ⇾ even as an adult, I feel like the fear he had from his first year of high school lingers in the back of his mind ⇾ if he’s moved on and it doesn’t bother him anymore, it’s still there as an after-thought

“Are you still keeping track of your wins and losses?” you asked, rolling over in bed, looking at your boyfriend who was writing furiously in a notebook. “I will beat him, no matter what.” “You’re on a national team, you already have.” Kageyama didn’t say anything for a while and you began to drift off to sleep. “I still think back to when I was at my lowest. The person who pulled me out of that was Hinata. If it weren’t for his annoying, dumb ass, I wouldn’t be where I am today. The only thing I can do is to keep growing, to never become complacent with where I am. The moment I do that, he’ll win and I’ll never be able to catch up to him.” Kageyama continued to speak to himself, knowing that you had fallen asleep. It was his fault you woke up to begin with.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ sugamama would talk about the future ⇾ like getting married and settling down, how many kids he wants, even the names he had picked out so far ⇾ he would talk about what he wants for the wedding ⇾ which is funny because he hasn’t even proposed yet ⇾ but he’s not really talking about all this because he wants to see your reaction of if yall are on the same page ⇾ it’s just genuinely what would be on his mind

“I want a vineyard wedding. Something small and intimate. Only immediate family and closest friends.” You looked up at him from where you were sitting in his arms. “Maybe a bigger reception where all the other people can come!” “You just want to go to a vineyard to have a reason to get drunk.” He pouted. “You would too if you were surrounded by a fresh batch of seven year olds every year that never listen.” “You love them though.” “I do,” he said with a smile. “Oh! That reminds me. I want maybe like three or four kids. A big family! And I want them to be around the same age so they can be friends with each other.” You mock saluted. “Anything else?” “I had some names saved too…” The act of him reaching over for his phone caused you to fall over with him. He helped you back up and snuggled you close to him while he searched for the list. “Where is it… Found it! Okay so…”

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he would be similar to Sugawara ⇾ he would be talking about the future but with you ⇾ it would be like The Talk yall have while trying to figure out if you have similar views on the future you want ⇾ but at the same time, he would also talk about his friends ⇾ how important it is for them to be in his life as they grow older ⇾ how he wants their children to be friends with his to carry their friendship on to the next generation

“Okay so what about kids?” you asked as you turned on your side to face him. Daichi moved your hair behind your ear. “Two?” You smiled. “Two sounds perfect.” “But I think I want to stay here in Miyagi. I want my kids to be friends with Suga and Asahi’s kids -” “If they have kids,” you interrupted. He chuckled. “If they have kids,” he agreed. “And maybe a medium sized wedding? Nothing is set in stone though.” You hesitated. “What?” “You have your thoughts on your kids, I have my thoughts on my wedding.” “You want a big wedding?” he asked, a little surprised. “I’m only getting married once! I deserve to have a big one.” Daichi smirked. “A big one, huh?” He moved so he was hovering on top of you. “Stop! I have class in the morning!” you groaned, knowing exactly what he was thinking and that you were going to cave in a few minutes.

.・゜-: ✧ :-　-: ✧ :-゜・．

⇾ he would be the person who is up until 5 am just on tiktok ⇾ and you couldn’t get any sleep because he kept showing you a new one every few minutes ⇾ his laughing would also keep you up, but if you were really bothered by it, he would stop ⇾ once he’s done with tiktok though, he would start talking about the world and getting deep ⇾ but once you thought you were having a real heart to heart and getting to know how his brain works more, he would start talking about like government secrets and he would start goofing off again

“Wait, look at this one,” Noya said, nudging you awake again for the fifth time that night. “I’m trying to sleep,” you whined. “But watch it!” You rolled over and watched the tiktok, the smile on your face betraying you. “See, I knew you would like it.” You watched as he laughed to himself as he watched some more videos when all of a sudden he closed his phone and stared at the ceiling. “Ya know… I want to keep traveling and seeing the world. I want to learn more about other people and cultures. It’s so enlightening seeing how different the world is compared to the small city where we’re from.” He glanced down at you, smiling at how you were trying to stay awake for him. “I also want to find out the secrets the governments are hiding. Are pigeons real birds? How are there so many of them if they are?” At that, you turned around and told him you were going to sleep.

[contrabandhothead]

Hi! I saw your post about requests! :) could I get some BOB head cannons of what it’s like to date them while also being is easy company? :)

I’m so so SO sorry this took so long, and I hope you like it 🤞🏻also, I couldn’t do all of them because school has been keeping me very busy. If you want to send another request, and i’ll do more for you when I have time 💕 Enjoy!

Dick Winters

generally very private about his relationship

mom and dad™ of easy co. 

 i want to say that he puts you on his team during missions, but i feel like he thinks it’s unprofessional 

so he probably puts you on a team with someone he trusts and that he knows won’t take unnecessary risks *cough cough* Speirs *cough cough* 

doesn’t mean he doesn’t get worried though 

give this man a massage please, he’s stressed af  

you’d never want to jeopardize his position though, so you’re generally okay with it 

however, sometimes you get a little lonely 

Dick notices this and tries to clear out a slot in his schedule in order to spend some quality time with you 

treats you like any of the other men, except when you’re alone

king of stolen kisses behind crumbling walls before a battle

very healthy relationship overall 12/10 would be an amazing father 

secretly wants to get married when the war is over 

i’m not saying he definitely proposed on V-E Day but he definitely did it 

cries at the wedding, especially since it’s been so long since he’s seen you all dolled up because of the war 

also cries because he’s finally getting to marry the love of his life 

drunkenly told Nix at his bachelor party about how amazing you would look at your wedding and then went on and on about the specific shade of your eyes

S I M P 

Nix never lets him forget it 

Lewis Nixon

this man 

let’s be for real here 

he has NO idea how to display affection at all, especially because of his past 

so he does what any rich boy would do 

showers you in gifts that you don’t need 

it’s not that you’re ungrateful for them, you just wish he would understand that you don’t love him for his money 

i feel like everyone forgets that he’s lowkey rich 

can’t relate Nix

he will buy you anything he sees you look at for more than a second

always has them delivered by some random Private 

the men tease you RELENTLESSLY for it 

“hey Y/N, what did that overflowing wallet buy you this week?”

“Shut up Tab”

is always worried about you 

especially since he usually isn’t on the battlefield since he moved to staff

you’re fine 

you can definitely handle yourself after Sobel’s training what a fucking dick

takes you out on small simple dates when you guys actually have weekend passes 

the guys always help you get ready for your dates (they see you as a little sister it’s really cute) 

Ron Speirs 

this man 

oh wow 

the flavor 

never really got to see you until Dog Co. was basically absorbed by Easy Co. 

definitely thinks he’s not good enough for you 

when you first introduced the Easy Co. men to him, they thought the exact same thing (they changed their minds after a while though) 

REASSURE THIS MAN. EVERY. STINKIN. DAY. THAT HE IS GOOD ENOUGH. 

P L E A S E 

secretly is a cuddle monster

will 100% sneak into your foxhole to cuddle and will slit anyone’s throat that mentions it 

this man has arms and legs like an octopus when it comes to cuddling 

will pull you back into his arms even if you need to use the bathroom and will not be letting go 

steals you pretty things for absolutely no reason (Ron, no) 

the man is like a freakin magpie

the men of Easy Co. grow to like him more when they realize how happy he makes you and how he doesn’t hurt you 

he actually values their opinion on your relationship a lot

he knows Easy is like family and you’re like the younger sister 

doesn’t show it though 

pushes you away when he feels insecure 

jealous™

surprisingly domestic 

Carwood Lipton 

wholesome but to the max™

you’re both so in love i feel like i’m going to throw up rainbows

signed up for the paratroopers together

i feel like Carwood is the type of person to marry his high school sweetheart 

so yeah, you guys are that™ couple

best aunt and uncle of easy co. 

Lip worries about you just a littleee more than the other men 

he’s just a worry wart in general 

almost threw hands with Sobel once when Sobel insulted you 

he will not stand for anyone insulting his gal 

isn’t as private as Dick is with his relationship, but is known to hide it from superior officers other than Nix and Winters

aka Sobel

was 100% willing to get kicked out of the infantry to defend you from Sobel 

thinks a lot about how good of a mom you’d be, especially when he sees you caring for the men

is also a cuddler, though not nearly as clingy as Ron

just a loose arm to tuck you into his side, especially during Bastogne 

prefers having you on his team, not only because he cares about you, but also because he admires your skill and accuracy 

you’re a damn good shot, and he’d scream it from a mountain for all to hear 

so proud of his gal 

George Luz

you’re either the jokester and the stoic couple, the shy kid and the jokester couple, or the jokester and the jokester couple 

there’s no in between 

cracks terrible jokes just to see you smile 

still tries pick up lines even AFTER you two are dating (even the guys shake their heads)

you two are the entertainment for easy co. let me tell you 

you’re also the only person that can get George to shut up 

you must thank him in kisses he takes no other currency 

clingy baby™

it’s like dating a 12 year old boy sometimes 

he can be so immature but it’s kind of endearing at times

everyone is immediately accepting of your relationship because it just makes sense and you’re both good for each other

wants a hug and a kiss even if you’re just leaving the dining hall to go to the bathroom 

just give the man what he wants or he’ll pout all day until you kiss his cheek 

you guys once had a match of how long you could ignore each other once 

he was surprisingly dedicated 

but he broke 

he snapped like a twig after everyone went to sleep

he dived into your foxhole and begged you to talk to him

he kept snuggling closer to you until you talked to him again

Joe Toye 

rough on the outside, soft on the inside  

brings you flowers when he asks you out (surprisingly very traditional and respectful when he asks you out)

everyone has a good time when Toye is with you, he loosens up a lot more 

loves when you pet his hair and he can just stare up at the stars while laying in your lap 

he’s just as bad as Speirs when it comes to cuddling 

a cuddle bug but won’t admit it 

actually might be worse than Speirs when it comes to cuddling because he can actually sneak into your bunk while you’re sleeping 

also wants to fight Sobel when Sobel insults you and actually almost threw hands 

he almost got court martialed and was 2 steps away from getting up in Sobel’s face before Guarnere and Luz stopped him

hands down the dumbest thing he has ever done 

you were so mad at him for it 

you didn’t talk to him for a week 

you felt bad because he was always giving you those puppy dog eyes from across the dining hall 

Joe gets teased by the guys for being sweet on you  

“at least I got a broad! the rest of ya’ can’t really say that much.”

will not hesitate to let you win during arm wrestling 

he’s not allowed to arm wrestle with you anymore because the guys know he’s just letting you win 

you’re his #1 fan during arm wrestling 

look at those arms tho

Joe  Liebgott   

y’all thought Toye was soft 

OH BOY 

the way Joe acts around you is definitely bullying material for the other guys 

Lieb drinks respect women juice 

thinks you’re so cool 

would probably walk up to random people and be like “that’s her. she’s my girlfriend. can you believe how lucky i am?” 

thinks it’s so cute when you show off your brand new jump wings to him

you just looked so excited 

he wasn’t even staring at the wings when you started rambling about how happy you were, he was just making this stupid in love face

definitely grabbed your face and kissed you hard after that 

he wants SO many kids???? 

ya know those lists that lots of girls have on their phones and it’s just a bunch of future baby names??? that’s Joe 

this man has 8 names

4 girls names and 4 boy names 

he plans to use every name 

just wants to live the domestic life with you after the war 

will freeze his ass off and take your watch just so you can get some extra sleep 

another cuddle monster (they’re multiplying)

whispers really cute things in german to you until you fall asleep

has also almost fought Sobel for shit he said to you 

David Webster 

you help him fit in more with the other guys 

please teach him the art of socializing  

yes, the men have stolen his journal to read all his terrible poetry about you

still gets shit for it to this day 

shares his chocolate bar with you 

longing stares but from across the room 

doesn’t actually take you out until the war is over because he wants to do it right dammit 

has little to absolutely no relationship experience

please teach him 

or better yet, struggle with him and get made fun of by all the guys 

they actually accept Web more now that he’s with you 

cuz Easy Co. loves you 

sends letters all the time when he’s sent to the hospital 

everyone teases him that he acts like he’s more likely married to Liebgott than to you

you’re the only reason the men will stop teasing him 

definitely more badass then him 

you radiate boss energy and that’s what easy co. likes about you 

especially Web

everyone’s like “that’s my girl!”  

and he just smiles in the corner with the rest of them 

Bill Guarnere 

DID I SAY SOFT??? 

S O F T 

weak for his girl 

arm wrestles just to get your attention (flexes all the time for pete’s sake) 

also wants like a gazillion children and talks about it constantly with Liebgott

this man wants an army of little Italian kids 

no one makes fun of you or Guarnere for his actions to get your attention because they don’t want his fist in their face 

people who have almost punched Sobel for making fun of their girl: let’s add Guarnere to the list 

you didn’t ignore him, you just told him off for being an idiot 

if i could describe it, he sulked like a puppy that got told no more treats

so proud of you when you get your jump wings 

probably makes a toast about it at the celebration 

he was so drunk but it was so cute

literally will do anything for your attention 

chugging three bottles of whiskey so Y/N will pay attention to me??? pass the bottle bitch

not a massive cuddle monster but enjoys PDA and the occassional ass slap

probably has slapped your ass in front of company before

this boy has no morals smh 

don’t worry, you get him back though 

Frank Perconte 

worry wart but multiply it by 1000x 

is always bothering you to brush your teeth 

not because he’s scared your breath stinks, but because he cares about you and your oral hygiene 

now gets bullied about oral hygiene and his relationship with you 

ft Skip. “oh Y/N, take me away my princess. did you brush your little pearly teeth??? i would never want your perfect smile to be ruined.” 

Skip has been chased multiple times around Toccoa for this behavior 

will fight anyone that thinks you’re not a good shot 

is amazed how good you are at darts (knows you’re better than Buck) 

does share a foxhole with you 

is NOT part of the monster cuddler club because he knows when to stop 

has not arm wrestled for your attention but will if so needed 

always needs attention

whiny 12 year old boy P.2

sometimes it’s like you’re dating Luz as well 

Luz has purposefully third wheeled before 

yes, you heard me 

ON PURPOSE

likes spontaneous dates 

would fight Sobel for you but isn’t stupid enough to almost do it 

Buck Compton  

realized he had heart eyes for you before his old girl broke it off with him

WAS RELIEVED WHEN SHE SAID SHE WAS DONE WITH HIM IN BASTOGNE 

the other Easy men were like “dude, what the hell are you waiting for. GO GET YOUR GIRL!” 

let’s you win at darts 

is also stupid and needy enough to arm wrestle for your attention

actually wins though 

wants you to kiss his guns (absolutely not sir) 

jealous and protective 

jealous af around Winters 

gets teased a lot about it by the other men

but they can see why he’s insecure about it, Winter’s could sweep any girl he wanted to off her feet

indeed a cuddle monster 

will only share a foxhole with you in Bastogne 

no one else

radiator of heat and thus a good cuddler though 

will only let you make fun of him without repercussions 

wants you to move in as soon as the war is over

always demands to be in your unit during an attack

will keep you safe at all costs (and one of the reasons why he got shot in the ass again) 

Floyd Talbert 

THE ABSOLUTE SWEETEST BABY 

 people use to bully Tab for his condom shipments

now they bully him for the way he acts around you 

tough guy??? no. absolute stick of melted butter when around you 

thinks you’re a saint 

so does the rest of Easy though, so I guess it doesn’t matter

they had everyone from Easy give him a pep talk just to ask you out (Trigger even barked at him) 

he was actually worried you would reject him 

no one will ever reject that man lol it doesn’t make sense

not necessarily a cuddle monster

DEFINITELY A PDA MONSTER THOUGH 

likes when you sit on his lap 

can’t explain it, it just makes sense

will also arm wrestle for your attention 

will honestly do anything for you 

you need me to bring you Jupiter in a jar??? 

sure babe I’ll be right back 

has specific pet names for you 

his favorites are buttercup, angel, and beautiful

Babe Heffron 

P U R E 

does not get bullied for being in a relationship with you because everyone loves him

not a single person in this company, including you, would hesitate to sacrifice their life for that replacement 

whines a lot to you when you don’t give him attention

will arm wrestle for your attention and loses

has not had the chance to fight Sobel before but I feel like he could if he wanted to 

will tear Dike to shreads if he even mutter one hateful word against you 

cuddle monster #2323293

enjoys being the little spoon and the big spoon while in the foxhole 

shares his food with you during meals 

will not hesitate to get shot in the ass for you 

also will not hesitate to get shot for you in general 

is like an angry 6 year old baby when you don’t pay attention to him

is known to give the silent treatment when you’re too busy to talk to him for days

MAKE TIME FOR HIM DO IT NOW 

wants you to meet his Ma in Philly after the war 

has many hopeful dreams that include you after the war 

will only share chocolate with you and Gene

give him a hug, even when he says he doesn’t need it

Eugene Roe 

HOLY SWEET JESUS 

FIRST OFF 

NO ONE IN THEIR GODDAMN RIGHT MIND WOULD EVER MAKE FUN OF YOU, ESPECIALLY AROUND DOC

this man has so many pet names 

he is not afraid to use them on the battlefield, especially if you’re bleeding out because he’ll know you’ll answer to them

“darlin’, mon amour, ma mie, ma belle, ma chérie” 

 please stop Gene, it’s embarassing but also like don’t stop

get us a defibrillator his heart stopped while he was looking at you and we need to do CPR NOW-

thinks you’re the most beautiful girl ever

is not dumb enough to arm wrestle for your attention

he just makes this grumpy or upset face and you catch on quickly 

he’s also not dumb enough to fight Sobel

BUT HE WILL FIGHT ANY SOLDIER WITH THE AUDACITY TO INSULT YOU 

is always worrying about you

especially in Bastogne 

always jumping into your foxhole to check for any wounds

probably lost his sizzuhs that way

always has extra bandages just for you 

treats you with tender care

Donald Malarkey 

THE CUTEST COUPLE EVER

NOT EVEN SKIP HAS THE HEART TO MAKE FUN OF YOU 

is not dumb enough to fight Sobel for you 

doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to punch him though 

is dumb enough to arm wrestle for your attention 

it lowkey depends on the day though 

i mean 

he doesn’t need to arm wrestle for you to admire his arms 

like, have you seen that gif of him taking of his shirt???

loves cuddles in your foxhole but is not a cuddle monster

he’s a big baby when he gets tired

loves it when you take care of him 

has definitely fallen asleep once on your shoulder during watch 

would run up Currahee with full gear 3 times just to see you smile

he needs a hug. give him one now. 

likes to rest his chin on your head 

also wants you to move in (and maybe get married) after the war

treats you kindly, but he’s still a sarcastic little shit 

kiss his muscles

that was literally so long i can’t believe i finished

[et-lesailes]

lockdown lust

pairing: johnny storm x reader

word count: 3270

summary: video chatting with your best friend johnny during quarantine turns a bit steamy.

themes: smut

taglist: @evanstush​​, @tanyam93​​, @bval-1​​, @wonderwinchester​​, @patzammit​​, @rohaintahquil​​, @deidrashouseofpain​​, @sammyslonglostshoe​​, @jadedhillon​​, @bohemian-barbie​​, @whysparker​​, @sebastian-i-stan​​, @sebabestianstan101​​, @lille-kattunge​​, @teller258316​​, @peach-acid​​, @allsortsofinterests​​, @xoxabs88xox​​, @heyiamthatbitch​​, @cptn-sgrogers​​, @heyyouwiththeassbutt​​, @bangtan-serendipity​​, @troublermalik​​, @beardburnsupersoldiers​​, @bookish-shristi​​, @kind-sober-fullydressed​​,  @gingerninjaprincess16​​, @straightforwardly​​,  @denisemarieangelina​​,  @frencchfries​​, @xlanawriter​​, @littlemoistcarrot​​, @pottxrwolff​​, @arianatheangelworld​​, @ifuseekamyevans​​, @southerngracela​​, @nsfwsebbie​​, @rororo06​​, @savemesteeb​​, @raveviolet​​, @inactivewhore​​, @hurricanerinwrites​​, @captainamerica-is-bae​​, @shaddixlife​​, @tessa-bl​​, @marvelouspottering​​, @pppsssyyyccchhhiiiccc​​, @thegetawaywriter​​, @dwights-new-plague​​​, @rynabarnesrogers​​​, @fckdeusername​​​

notes: man i wish my quarantine was going like this. graphic creds go to the @thewritingdoll​, also patreon saw this first! click here to join :)

You’re laying on your side on your bed, dressed in a simple tank top and shorts with your sports bra just barely peeking out from either side of your shirt, clicking through YouTube video after YouTube video on your laptop. Ever since being unemployed thanks to the pandemic, each day is the same as the previous. Wake up, eat breakfast, watch TV, play some video games, eat lunch, read, try and teach yourself a new language, sit outside on the deck for a bit, eat dinner… you’re slowly going crazy not having anything productive to do, but it at least helps being able to chat with your friends via FaceTime and Zoom. It’s rather depressing being alone and stuck at home, but one of your best friends in particular manages to help quite a lot. Even though Johnny’s going just as crazy as you are, he’s still his fun loving, goofy, and energetic self, and it’s safe to say he knows how to cheer you up whenever you’re feeling the quarantine blues.

A notification pops up on your screen indicating that he’s video calling you, and you gladly answer. “Hey there, gorgeous.” He greets you in his typical flirtatious fashion- as usual, he’s shirtless (you’re assuming also only in underwear) and lounging back in his bed with a beer in one hand. “Fuck, I’m so bored. What are you up to?” You laugh softly, sighing as you look at the YouTube videos on the side of your screen. “Literally nothing. Honestly considering just going to sleep because I have nothing else to do.” 

“You know what I miss?” he suddenly speaks up rather than responding to you, taking a swig of his beer. “Sex. No, I miss even just touching a girl. Like even if it’s a fucking handshake. I’m starting to think I should have just picked a quarantine girlfriend so I could get some action.” You blink and laugh, shaking your head to yourself though you can’t help but admit you understand the feeling. “I’m not gonna lie, I definitely miss the feeling of having someone in the bed with me.” You don’t have a boyfriend, but you did sometimes have a fling every now and then. As Johnny said, though, it’s not just about sex. You simply miss the comforting, reassuring feeling of having a male’s arms wrapped around you, pulling you close to his body in his slumber. 

“Yeah? So have you been masturbating a lot?” he asks bluntly, and you laugh; you and Johnny are extremely close, and so questions like these never throw you off or make you uncomfortable. “Kind of, yeah, but I’m sure nowhere near as much as you.” You tease with a smirk, and he snickers in return. “Touche, darling. I can’t help it, okay? I have a high sex drive.” He suddenly arches a brow, lifting his drink up slightly. “Hello, why am I the only one drinking? Go get some alcohol, c’mon!” You roll your eyes fondly at his severe ADD, but nod your head. “Alright, alright, be right back.”

You return a few moments later with a glass of wine, settling into your previous position laying on your side and propped up on your elbow, sipping from your glass. “Happy now?” you ask, and he scoffs playfully. “Wine? What are you, forty?” You blink and laugh loudly, making a face. “Beer makes my stomach feel weird! It’s all… carby or whatever.” He hums thoughtfully before reaching out of the frame to pick up something- a bottle of liquor. “Okay, what about shots?”

You look at him in amusement and disbelief, but honestly, you actually feel a little sympathy for him. He just wants company; he’s an incredibly social guy who absolutely loves going out, clubbing, dancing, and meeting new people- of course he just wants a drinking buddy right now. “Alright, alright, I literally just settled down but I’ll get out of bed again just for you.” You wrinkle your nose at him and he cheers happily, pumping his fist in the air. “Hell yeah, that’s my girl! Hurry now before my buzz dies down.” You chuckle softly and get up again, setting your wine down and going back to the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of fruit flavored rum. It’s probably going to be a long night if Johnny’s this hyped up already, but you’re actually looking forward to it. You really do love talking to him, especially during this period of time.

An hour flies by without you even realizing it. You’ve been drinking with Johnny the whole time, laughing and chatting and joking around with each other as you usually do; there’s no one who can make you smile as much as he does. His enthusiasm and rowdiness is contagious- you’ve felt so groggy and lazy during these lockdown days, but he always knows how to snap you right back. 

“Hey, Y/N.” Johnny reaches over to grab another can of beer from the table and you catch even more of a view of his rippling abs. “Yeah?” you ask, wondering just how much you’ve drank to actually be checking Johnny out. You can acknowledge he’s an attractive guy, but he’s only been a friend to you all this time- for some reason, you never really entertained the thought of anything more. Perhaps because you’ve seen the way he is with women; not necessarily bad or toxic, but not exactly boyfriend material either. 

“Let’s play a game.” He suggests, giving you a little smirk. “How about Never Have I Ever?” You blink but smile, nodding your head. “Alright, sure. Wanna start?” He suddenly lifts a hand, shaking his head. “Uh uh uh, hold on. This version of the game has a catch.” He downs the rest of his beer before wiping his lips with the back of his hand, grinning at you mischievously. “For every single thing you have done, you have to take off an article of clothing.” 

“What? You know, like, everything I’ve done!” you argue in amusement, and he grins, wiggling his eyebrows. “And you know everything I’ve done. So? C’mon, it’ll be fun. But we can’t do stupid stuff, like “Never have I ever kissed a girl” or “watched hardcore porn”. It has to be more specific.”

You roll your eyes but find yourself agreeing. “Okay. Fine. Shouldn’t you, like, maybe put on clothes first though? You know, so you actually have something to take off?” He blinks and looks down at his half naked body before laughing loudly. “Oh yeah, good point!” You watch as he stands up, eyes directly met with his boxers as he goes to grab a shirt, pants, and even socks and a watch. “You are ridiculous,” you remark, taking a sip of your wine though giggling nonetheless. As always, he knows just how to make you laugh. 

“Alright, I’ll start.” Johnny gets himself comfortable again, dressed in a simple wifebeater and basketball shorts. “Never have I ever… gotten so drunk as a freshman at a college party that I ended up making my really handsome best friend carry me all the way back to my dorm.” You blink and laugh loudly making a face, whining playfully, “Johnny! God, you didn’t even go to school there, why were you there anyways?”

“To carry your ass back home. Now go on, get stripping.” You scoff but take off your tank top, revealing your patterned sports bra underneath. You see him staring and for some reason, you actually feel… excited. This has to be the alcohol, right? You clear your throat, tossing the top aside. “My turn. Never have I ever had sex with someone new five minutes after breaking up with my significant other.” You fire bluntly, the corner of your lips tugging upwards. He laughs, shaking his head to himself. “In my defense, we had only been dating for two weeks, and she went psycho on me. You remember! Right?”

“Just take off the shirt, Johnny.” You laugh, and he arches a brow, playfully retorting, “Wow, bossy. I like it, baby.” He lifts off the wifebeater revealing his abs once again, and you force yourself not to look at them- you know he’d make a comment otherwise. “If we’re going to bring sexcapades into this,” he murmurs thoughtfully, “never have I ever been caught hooking up in a movie theater.” You immediately blush, hiding your face. “Why did I ever tell you about that? It was barely hooking up, it was just making out! And you’ve done that several times at the movies, there’s no way you haven’t.”

“I have, but I’ve never been caught.” He winks and nods towards you. “So, the bra?” You roll your eyes and shake your head, shifting yourself so you’re sitting up on your knees to wiggle out of your shorts. You’re thankful you at least put on some cute underwear today, looking down at the sky blue material with little tiny icons of penguins on it. Johnny shamelessly looks too, chuckling softly. “Wow. Those are fucking precious.” He barely bites on his lip though as he keeps staring, and you feel yourself blushing deeper, quickly settling yourself back down again. 

It’s obvious where this game’s heading. Both of you know it. You don’t know if it’s because of the alcohol, or the fact that you’re just extremely sex deprived, but you’re completely fine with how this night will end. It’s just a fun little game. Nothing wrong with that.

“My turn.” You snap him out of whatever daydream is running through his head, raising an eyebrow. “Never have I ever dated a freaking supermodel.”

“Is that jealousy I hear in your voice, Y/N?” he teases, but easily kicks off his basketball shorts. “No. Also why aren’t you just taking off your socks and the watch first?” you ask, and he grins, shrugging playfully. “I’m perfectly fine with just chilling with my dick out wearing nothing but a few accessories. What’s wrong with that?” You shake your head to yourself, though you can’t help but find the thought hilarious. How this boy became so bold and confident, you have no idea, but you have to admit it’s even a bit inspirational at times.

“Okay,” Johnny begins, taking a drink of his beer. He looks more excited now, his eyes gleaming with mischief. “Never have I ever had sex with a long term significant other.” You blink and make a soft incredulous noise. “You’ve never even had a long term significant other!”

“That’s right, baby girl! Which is it gonna be, the bra or the panties?” 

“Neither.” You smirk and bring your feet into view, wiggling your toes in the fuzzy socks you had been wearing. “I’m guessing someone here doesn’t have a foot fetish at least, because you didn’t even notice that I’m wearing socks.” Johnny groans in playful annoyance as you take them off, crossing his arms. “Fine, you got me there. Your turn.”

You have to pause for a second. Not to think of what you’re going to say- God, you know Johnny better than he does, you could write a book of all the bullshit he pulls. No, you have to pause because this is where things are going to start getting intense. You’re going to see your best friend naked, and he’s going to see you naked. Both of you are horny out of your minds. Both of you are intoxicated. Do you really want to go through with this? 

“Hello? You there?” he asks impatiently, in classic Johnny fashion. You swear the boy has the attention span of a turkey.

“Never have I ever had a wet dream about my best friend.” You suddenly speak, looking at him intently- he looks at you in surprise for a few moments, but before he can move, you’re suddenly the one slowly lifting your sports bra up and over your head, your breasts moving up with it before lightly bouncing down.

He’s completely speechless, his eyes on your chest as if he’s never seen boobs before, his facial expression getting more and more serious from shock. “Holy…” he finally mumbles, nibbling on his lip. You’ve never seen him look so hungry, so full of desire, and it’s only turning you on. There’s a certain thrill and adrenaline rush that comes with getting intimate with someone you’re “not supposed” to, and you’re definitely feeling that buzz right now. 

“Well?” you ask softly, tilting your head to one side. “I have. Have you?” You’re taking a big chance here, but considering what a sleazeball Johnny can be, you’re certain it’s had to have happened at least once. He looks at you for a few moments before slowly smirking, moving his hands down…

… only to take off his socks. Your expression is one of complete disbelief as you’re about to ask him if he’s actually serious, but then he goes to take off his watch. After that, he moves his hands to the hem of his boxers and pushes them down- his erection jumps up, tall and thick, and you can feel the heat in your core simply from looking at it. He lounges back against his headboard, completely nude, his chest visibly heaving slightly from excitement.

You clear your throat trying not to be too obvious about staring at it. “Why’d you… um… why did you take more than one thing off?”

He leans over and he’s out of the frame for a second. You hear the sound of hands rubbing together. Lotion. “Because I’ve had more than one wet dream.” He answers simply upon returning, keeping his eyes on you as he slowly wraps his hand around his cock. “Do you want to hear about one?” You widen your eyes, now only paying attention to this shaft at this point, watching him pump himself slowly. Fuck, you’re so turned on right now. “Yes,” you breathe out, starting to shift uncomfortably as you subconsciously rub your thighs together.

“In the dream you were dating that dumb ex of yours. I can’t even remember his fucking name anymore. The one I hated, you know who I’m talking about.” Johnny begins, eyes briefly roaming your body on his screen. “I came over one day and he was out somewhere. You were wearing this sexy ass lingerie, to surprise him when he got back. When I walked in, you just immediately jumped up on me without realizing it was me- when you did, you looked all shocked, but I just kept holding you in my arms.” He breathes heavier, starting to pump faster. “We start kissing. Making out. My tongue’s practically down your fucking throat, my hands squeezing your perfect ass, I bring you into the bedroom.”

Your cheeks feel flushed and your own breaths are becoming a little more uneven, completely focused on everything he’s saying. “Then what?” you whisper; you don’t even realize your hand is moving to your breast. He lets out a groan simply from watching you, continuing, “I push you down on your hands and knees on the bed and slap your ass so hard, it leaves a mark. I tell you that you belong to me now, and that I don’t care if your boyfriend has to watch us fuck for me to prove that.” He stares at you as you start massaging your breast, watching in awe as your fingers pinch your nipple ever-so-slightly. “Fuck, you like this, don’t you baby girl? After that, I finger fuck you over and over again, I make you cum so goddamn many times. You’re fucking screaming by the end of it, you’re still on your hands and knees like a good girl, your face is against the mattress and your perky little butt’s up in the air for me. You fucking love every second of it.” He grits his teeth slightly as he keeps pumping, eyes dark with lust. “Then you want to know what happens next?”

“Y-yes, yes Johnny, please,” you practically moan, now practically trying to squeeze your thighs together to relieve the frustration. “Then take off your panties,” he suddenly demands, and you instantly obey, wiggling them off your legs. “Sit up so I can see your pussy,” he growls huskily. You adjust the laptop so that it’s in front of you, sitting and leaning back with your legs spread so that your bare entrance is in view, resting yourself on your elbows breathlessly. “I’m so fucking wet, Johnny,” you whine, moving your hand down your torso and using your fingers to start rubbing yourself. “Please, please keep going…”

“God damn,” he groans deeply, the mere noise in itself making you shiver in pleasure. “After I have you cumming over and over again, I grab your hair and thrust inside you, holding your ass and smacking it whenever I fucking want.” You let out a moan as you push one finger inside, tilting your head back. “Your tight little pussy felt so fucking good around me, babe. I had my big dick poking out your goddamn belly from how hard and deep I fucked you. I was tugging your hair, choking you, spanking you, playing with those perfect tits- you made the perfect little fuckdoll, so obedient, so damn needy.” He smirks, hand moving up and down faster, staring at you play with yourself as he murmurs, “Just like how you are now, hm?”

“Fuck, Johnny,” you whine breathlessly, pushing another finger in and pumping even faster. “I need you right now, o-oh… oh my God. I need your big dick inside me right fucking now…”

“Holy shit, Y/N,” he groans just from hearing you, rolling his neck to one side and shutting his eyes, head tilted upwards. “Would you cum all over my dick, just like you did in my dream?” You gasp, nodding immediately, lips parted and cheeks pink. “Yes! Yes… fuck… I want you to cum inside me, too…” He grins wider, chest heaving as he watches you weakly, hand working his long length intensely. “I can definitely do that, baby girl… o-ooh fuck, I’m close… I’m going to fucking cum right now…!”

“Me too!” you cry out, leaning against the headboard and rubbing hard; it’s not long before Johnny gets a view of you releasing, and the sight is enough to set him off with a loud groan- you can’t help but stare at how much he cums, wishing you could be there to taste all of it. 

“God damn.” He slowly exhales, leaning back entirely. “That was… wow. I fucking needed that.” He barely straightens up to grab a tissue from his nightstand, cleaning his mess but glancing up at you breathing heavily. “And especially with you. You’re so hot, Y/N, I’ve wanted to fuck you ever since I met you.” You widen your eyes surprised, trying to catch your breath as you stare at him. “What? Really…? I… I didn’t think you saw me like that, we were always just such… best friends.”

“Yeah. That’s why I didn’t do anything.” He admits, carelessly tossing the tissue aside, but you’re too shocked to even show any disgust. “You’re the only girl friend I’ve had. I didn’t want to treat you like everyone else. But fuck, it’s been hard.” He pauses and nods towards his length, “This has been too, every time I’m around you.”

Despite the otherwise serious conversation, you can’t help but laugh, even feeling somewhat flattered. You move to sit more comfortably, biting your lip. “Well then,” you mumble tilting your head, “maybe on the next video call I can tell you about my dream…”

[dekusbrokenarms]

Class 1-A Gender and Sexuality Journey Headcanons

This is mostly just me really liking messy self discovery because I am a messy bitch.

Kyoka Jirou

First off, Kyoka is a trans girl. She socially transitioned when she was really young and began medically transitioning in high school bc her parents are super supportive and great (we stan a supportive parent)

She first thinks she's bi when she's 14 and comes out as such at 15

She dates Kaminari for a while second year and after they break up she's pretty certain she's a lesbian

After high school, she has a couple years where gender is kinda nebulus. For a while thinks she's a nonbinary lesbian but then decides she's just GNC and punk but definitely full girl

She gets more comfortable in her gender after that, but starts questioning her sexuality again

And ends up back at bisexual, but like not attracted to dudes. Girls and nonbinary people only please

Also she and Momo reconnect in their mid twenties and hit it off and get married

Denki Kaminari

Denki is completely comfortable calling himself straight up until he's 17

But don't get it twisted, he definitely was already acutely aware he was into dudes

Because wow boys are pretty

But he also just kind of ignores it because OMFG GIRLS

But after his other friends start coming out, he gets more comfortable thinking about his sexuality but doesn't bother labelling it

Specifically he doesn't want to label it because he gets comfortable with it after her starts dating Kyoka and doesn't want anyone thinking he's calling himself not-straight for dating her

But a couple months after he breaks up with Kyoka, he starts fooling around with Hitoshi and like really he's at the point of no return so he just slaps the bi label on himself and goes about his day

Towards the end of third year, he starts playing around with GNC and really vibes with the genderqueer label, but still uses he pronouns because he's used to them

He and Hitoshi break up after graduation and Denki really throws himself into exploring his gender and sexuality

And starts using he and they pronouns and typically dresses on the masculine side of androgynous but with lots of cool makeup

He gives polyamory a shot, but he keeps finding himself feeling like he's third wheeling other people's relationships and decides its not for them

In their late twenties, he and Hitoshi hook up at a reunion party and hit it off. They keep things casual for several months before suddenly they decide to move in together and in a blink of an eye, they're in a legit committed relationship without knowing how it got there but it feels right to them.

Eijirou Kirishima

No flavor for this one. He figured out he was gay when he was 12 and it stuck. His moms are lesbians and support him wholeheartedly.

Katsuki Bakugou

I think Bakugou also grew up with queer people in his life so he was never really in the closet

He was pretty certain he was asexual and aromantic until Kirishima weedled his way into his heart

At 17, he decides that he's probably demi-pansexual and demiromantic but that feels like too much so he just says queer.

This boy knows all the words though. Keeps very up to date with the local and global state of queer communities but doesn't talk about it unless prompted or provoked

At first he was very private about his relationship with Kirishima because it was no one's fucking business but after seeing the rampant homophobia in the hero business, he became very loud and very proud of his boyfriend very fast

Eijirou and Katsuki probably got married at, like, 21 and did not give one shit when people pointed out they were young. And they're together for the rest of their lives so those fuckers can suck it

Mina Ashido

Mina is your classic bisexual disaster and spends her teens and early twenties going between calling herself straight, bi, and a lebsian depending on who she's currently into because this bitch has zero object permanence

She chills out in her twenties though and is comfortable calling herself bisexual at long last

Hanta Sero

Sero is pretty comfortable being straight right up until all his friends come out

He spends a couple months questioning his sexuality before knowing for certain he's straight

But he's that one straight dude that always ends up dating bi and pan girls by complete happenstance

Hitoshi Shinsou

He really does not know what his sexuality is

Sometimes its yes

Sometimes its no

He says queer because he can't be assed to look into any of the microlabels

He just knows he's not straight and that's good enough for him

Momo Yaoyorozu

This girl is a lesbian but trying to convince herself of that was A PROCESS

She denies it for years and years

Its not until after graduation she thinks, but doesn't dare say, she's bi because she tells herself she's "mostly into guys anyway" so "it doesn't really count"

Slowly her percentage shifts away from guys and to girls

She's 23 before she accepts she's a lesbian

But she doesn't come out until she's 28 because she's scared since her parents expect her to end up with a man

Ochako Uraraka

This girl is mostly into guys. Like she's pretty sure she's straight because all the crushes she had so far have been on boys

When she's 18, she starts to suspect she might like girls too but is really too shy to explore that feeling at first

But when she does? Oh boy she will not stop talking about how wonderful and perfect girls are and how unfortunate her attraction to men is because she feels insecure in her validity as a bisexual woman with a preference for men

Tsuyu Asui

Tsuyu has known she's a lesbian since she was 15 and was very comfortable with that

She questioned if she might be bi a time or two but always came back to being gay

She does realize she's an ace lesbian at 18 though but she's also okay with that

Her goals in life are to own a house by a lake with a beautiful wife

Tenya Iida

Tenya is pansexual

Literally he just cannot see why gender would be a factor in choosing a potential partner

He never came out because he was 20 before he realized that this was not the default state and others weren't just being picky by having a different sexuality

And by then, every knew because he made no attempts to hide his partners

He was really stressed at first about it, and asked Tensei why no one ever told him he should be more careful with publicly showing his sexuality but Tensei was just like "we just thought you knew what you were doing, dude. And it looks like it worked out"

Izuku Midoroya

Again, Izuku is too swept up in "nghh girls pretty" to think too much about his sexuality when he's younger

When he gets a crush on Shouto, he doesn't recognize it as a crush at first because it felt so natural and comfortable and he was used to being uncomfortable around people he liked

So he has a crush on Shouto for years before it hits him: Oh I'm not straight

He stays in that nebulous not-straight state for months because he does not have time to deal with that

But once he stops procrastinating his sexuality, he cannot decide if he's bisexual or pansexual or polysexual and he gets super wrapped up in researching microlabels and its super overwhelming

He even questions his gender for a little bit but settles on he's a cis man pretty quickly

He does eventually start dating Shouto and just calls himself gay for a while because it's easier than trying to piece together ten microlabels like he's tempted to do

However after Shouto begins exploring his gender identity, Izuku gets more comfortable just calling himself pan because he realizes that gender never really played a part in who he likes.

Shouto Todoroki

He came out as gay at 14 to piss off his father depsite the fact he didn't actually have any feelings about his sexuality at the time

No he decided he didn't care what his sexuality was. He was gonna be gay.

And he forgot he did that until he was 17 and was like, oh- I should probably figure out my actual sexuality, after being questioned due to his close relationship with Izuku

So he thought about it for about 15 seconds to say, well, I do like Izuku so I'll just be actually gay now

That stuck until after graduation and into his twenties when he started questioning his gender

He figured out he wasn't particularly attached to masculinity or femininity and found comfort in the agender label

They started using gender neutral pronouns and grew their hair out long but that's really all that changed

They came back to their sexuality after that and decided it was just "men"

Izuku tried to be helpful and offered terms like androsexual, but Shouto didn't find them very useful so they like to tell people their gender is no and their sexuality is dude

It gets the point across

Yuga Aoyoma

Okay, so we all know he’s gay

But despite how flamboyant he is, this boy is a closet case

He definitely had a crush on Izuku first year, but he couldn’t handle that yet so he definitely lived vicariously through Ochako’s crush on him

I don’t think he came out until after high school

And zero people were surprised

He probably does drag too

And he’d look fabulous doing so

Kouji Koda

I think Kouji is ace 

I don’t think this is a word he had for himself until he was in his mid twenties

He just assumed he was a late bloomer and he’d been told he just had a low self esteem

But he finds the ace community and suddenly everything makes sense and he feels comfortable in his own skin

Once that falls into place, he discovers he’s also aromantic

He ends up having a platonic life partner and they have lots of pets and plants together

Fumikage Tokoyami

Fumikage figured out he’s bisexual when interning under Hawks. Like fuck, he had the most embarrassing crush on this guy who’s aesthetic is so embarrassing

I don’t think he had much trouble accepting that he’s attracted to guys though

Like a demon lives in his head

He’s mostly suffering because he has a crush on his cheerful, friendly mentor

Dark Shadow is very happy about this development because it’s a chance to embarrass him and make him uncomfortable

Fumikage gets renewed interest in being able to control Dark Shadow to shut his whore mouth

Unfortunately Dark Shadows outs him to his mentor

Fortunately Hawks is really cool about it and tells DS to have some chill and doesn’t give Fumikage a hard time about it, but Fumikage doesn’t get invited back for another internship with him and finds himself assigned to do work with sidekicks afterwards

Mezou Shouji

Mezou doesn’t fuck with gender

It’s not that he necessarily feels disconnected from his masculinity but rather that he just feels like gender is archaic and useless

So he’s pan and bigender (male and agender)

Definitely would make jokes about be attracted to frying pans and this is how he comes out to Fumikage in their third year. 

Rikidou Sato

Rikidou doesn’t really date in high school

Soon after graduation he ends up in a relationship with a girl that lasts five years before he realizes he’s gay

One time someone tells him he should have known sooner since he likes baking so much and he punches them in the face (I like to imagine this person was Mineta for face punching purposes)

He ends up good pals with the woman he was dating and she’s his maid of honor at his wedding :’)

Tooru Hagakure, and Mashirao Ojiro

I’m sorry if one of them is your fave. They’re both straight and cis and have never questioned it even once. 

[marvelsswansong]

#16 and #30 for Tony Stark/ Iron Man?

16: “I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

30: “Being with me is a mistake.”

a/n: ooh an oldie but a goodie! hope you like it :)

————————–

You were so going to regret this.

You had planned initially to decline- after all, high school was to put it lightly, one of the worst times of your life. Going to a high school reunion to catch up with former peers who you hated whilst being judged on your occupation and looks didn’t sound like how’d you liked to spend your Friday night.

That was, until, you had the misfortune of running into someone from your high school a few nights ago.

You were walking down the shopping aisle, looking for the specific flavor of pop tarts that Thor kept on nagging you about for the last few weeks. Cooking for the Avengers was quite a hassle, as you had to manage not only Thor’s snack cravings but the appetites of two super soldiers and the constantly fluctuating eating schedules of insomniacs like Tony. Nonetheless, you loved your job and the people you worked with. They were your true friends, your true family.

Spotting the box of pop tarts you needed on the far left shelf, you placed one hand on your shopping cart and leaned over to the right in order to grasp the high corners. When you successfully grabbed the boxes and brought your hand down, you accidentally bumped into someone else.

“Oh-”

You looked away in embarrassment.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

The stranger shook their head sideways.

“it’s fine, I was… Wait, (Y/n), is that you?”

You fully turned around to see a hauntingly familiar face.

“… Regina?”

The blonde girl laughed and shook her head.

“So it is you! Little (Y/n)… wow, you look so… different.” she said condescendingly, eyeing you up and down.

“Yeah… I mean, it has been a while since we graduated high school.” you replied, feeling uncomfortable.

She shook her head and smiled widely.

“Right, right… So, are you going to the high school reunion?”

“Oh, uh, I-”

“Cause I am.” interrupted Regina, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder.

“I’m also bringing my boyfriend, he’s an investor for several banks on wall street. He’s kind of a millionaire, you know.” she flaunted, clearly enjoying herself.

You nodded.

“Wow, that’s great, I guess-”

Regina interrupted you once more. 

“But like, I totally get it if you can’t come. I mean, not everyone can have the luxury of taking time off of a six figure job and driving into reunion with a millionaire boyfriend, you know?”

You clenched your jaw.

“Actually, Regina, I am going. And I’m bringing my boyfriend.”

Fucking hell, how you regretted your big mouth and your inability to remain calm under pressure. Now you had to convince someone in this tower to pretend to be your boyfriend for a whole night, in front of a crowd of judgemental and awful people you used to call your classmates.

Your first choice was someone like Steve or Bucky- kind, polite, would take pity on you and not ask as many questions. Of course, it was your luck that they would both be on a mission today. You then went to the lab to ask Bruce, only to find the lab empty and deserted. 

Scowling, you tried asking Sam and Thor, but to no avail: Thor had plans tonight with Jane and Sam straight up replied “I’m a shit actor, (Y/n).” Sighing, you realized that there was only one person left to ask.

“Tony-” you called out, quickly entering his lab in a hurry.

“Yes darling?” he responded jokingly, not looking up from his suit.

“I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.”

Tony paused before slowly turning around and looking at you with a confused expression.

“What?”

You sighed.

“I might’ve sort of… lied and said I had a boyfriend when I ran into someone from my old high school. And the reunion is tonight and I can’t show up without a boyfriend, please-”

Tony just stared at you, amused.

“And I was the chosen one?” he said pridefully.

You scoffed.

“Oh please, Stark, trust me, you weren’t my first choice.”

Tony put a hand on his chest, feigning pain.

“That hurt me, (Y/n). If you hurt my feelings even more, I don’t think I can pretend to be your date.”

“Okay Tony I’m really sorry, please do this for me, okay? You’re super cool and smart and-”

Tony laughed.

“Alright, alright, calm down. I’ll do it.”

So that was how you ended up arriving to a random town hall with Tony Stark linked on your arm, the room falling into sudden silence as soon as the two of you entered. The only sound echoing through the room was the loud music in the background, and you felt every single pair of eyes fall on you before Jessica jumped forward, her high pitch voice cutting through the music.

“Oh my god, is that you, (Y/n)… with Tony Stark?”

Tony gave her a charming smile.

“That’s right. Tony Stark- philanthropist, superhero, genius and now boyfriend. Nice to meet you.”

Jessica shook his hand, a little dazed.

“Wow, I had no idea you were dating THE Tony Stark… I thought his standards would be like, way higher.”

Tony’s eyes immediately flared with anger as he stepped into your defense.

“Excuse me?”

Jessica just smiled.

“Oh no, don’t take it that way. I mean, I guess we all have our own tastes in men and women, even if yours is a little bit lower-”

“How dare you speak about (Y/n) like that? Trust me, she’s far better than any other street side blonde idiot like you whose biggest concern in life is making sure her hair is perfect each morning. My girlfriend is hard-working, smart, kind, passionate, and everything that so called “better looking people” could NEVER be. Not to mention, (Y/n) is hot as hell! I mean, have you seen that ass?”

“Tony-” you whispered, embarrassed.

“No, (Y/n), you know what… fuck you. We’re going somewhere else.”

Tony dragged you towards the exit as you quickly followed, a satisfied smile on your face as you saw Jessica’s panicked and mortified expression.

“Thank you so much for sticking up for me, Tony.” you said quietly as he began to lead you towards the car.

“Don’t thank me, really. You deserve far better than to be treated like that by those fucking idiots.” swore Tony, still angry.

You smiled.

“You were a pretty great fake boyfriend, Tony.”

Tony stilled and stopped walking. You looked up at him, confused.

“Tony?”

He turned around with a mischievous smile on his face.

“How about I stop faking?”

“What?”

“Let me take you out on a real date.”

You raised your eyebrow. 

“Now?” 

“Now. I promise you, you won’t regret it. And if you do, well…. you can pick Cap to be your fake boyfriend next time.”

You just laughed.

“Okay. Yes, let’s go on the date.”

——————————————————

–> read my other blurbs here

–> prompt list // REQUESTS ARE OPEN

regular taglist: @wantyoubackpeter ​ @platonic-plots ​ @superwholockwannabe ​ @xxmizzlexx ​ @xdsockmonkey ​ @princess-unicorn124 ​  @not-jay-c ​ @therealmrshale ​ @caswinchester2000 ​ @heartbeats-wildly ​ @mostlylyricedits ​ @musiclover1263

[min30am]

Does the music you listen to shape your perception of the world?

Immediately, yes. Definitely, no doubt. I pretty often link songs to different times in my life or places or specific events or people. It’s actually more difficult for me not to do that. 

Hotline Bling - driving back up del Este, or back to the parking lot for mock trial practice at 5pm. It’s the winter months usually, so it’s pretty dark out at that point. Quick snacks from the local Quickly are always a good bet, or Chipotle of course. Bright classroom lights, hearing the rest of the trial drag on in the adjacent room while the pre-trial attorneys hang out doing nothing really in the room facing the street. 

Starboy - we’re in an Uber to the ice rink in Oakland, it’s the evening after Yule Ball. We met at my first ever Halloween party but I’m decently sure I like you; I’d pretty much broken up with someone else that same night, over speaker phone with more than a few friends eavesdropping in our room. Anyway, we’re in the backseat of the Uber and you mention that you really like this song, and you start singing along and it’s cute- cute enough to make an impression. You turn out to be a really really good skater, and you don’t leave my side all night even though I’m an awful one. 

Under the Cover of Darkness - first time hanging out with a few people just having a jam session with our mix of guitars. A slightly condescending guy who’s good at solos teaches me a set and decides he thinks I’m a fast learner. Flattering enough. 

Out of My League - I looped the Fitz and the Tantrums album that this belongs to that summer that I spent painting the house kokong built at Marcy’s. There was a lot of detailed work that went into it, and I sketched the designs meticulously in pencil before going over it with the metallic paint shades I’d picked out. 

You & Me - this particular Disclosure song was really popular but after that one YouTube comment talking about how the highs were screechingly, painfully high, I could never listen to it without being way too aware of that. Thanks, whoever that was. 

Location - this was a song I generally really liked when it was in its hayday, but it’s had a little bit of a different flavor and nice comfortable blue bit of nostalgia ever since Eli told me he associated it with me. 

High You Are - the height of my Youtube playlist days, barring the AMVs with Linkin Park songs. I had another Odesza song that I linked to this one, Say My Name featuring Zyra. Great times, definitely middle school and early high school. 

Tennis Court, Wires, King - all linked to the same person, listening to these songs by the stairs at the far end of the high school on a shared pair of wired earphones after school, blue skies and mild breezes and radiant sun off the metal handrails. 

Fell in Love With a Girl - hilariously coincidental lyrics, thanks for this one. 

Trndsttr - driving back from the hospital, specifically in the morning after drop-offs at work. It’s cold and not too bright yet, but the sun will definitely be in my eyes on the drive back up toward the fountain intersection. My contacts are cooperating at least. 

One Time - that one concert we went to with Kou, pretty spontaneously but it was pretty good. Cool venue too.

My Funny Valentine - listening to this on the bus to Loch Ness, the same trip I believe that we hit heavy traffic on the winding road back toward Glasgow. There’s a beautiful lake at the bottom of the hill that our road spans, lots of the richest green you’ve ever seen in trees. The whole Ella album was pretty popular that trip, and this particular song felt like an inside joke to listen to next to you. 

Love Galore - we’re up by the Sutro Tower parked in a little dusty area by a few other cars that made the winding drive up. The view is pretty clear and definitely impressive, we’re trying to identify things and you’ve already finished telling me a long made-up story about how the tower works- which I believed because you, after all, have a masters in engineering. 

Foreplay, IV. Sweatpants - it’s first year and we spend all our free time meeting up at night just to freeze our asses off because we’re talking and it’s so easy and so funny and we don’t want to go home. It’s the 2am campanile talks at the bench, where we move at the pace of kdramas. It’s sitting by the now-renamed boalt hall, I’ve never met anyone I clicked with better and I still won’t say I’m in love.

Cheese & Wine - bro forreal your dad’s an asshole. seriously.

TALK ME DOWN - senior year of high school, you’re obsessed with Troye Sivan but he’s pretty good so no one in the car complains. Our friend group is hanging out so often at boba and coffee places and just talking nonstop, we have every class together pretty much and so many small things happen in that last year. 

Girls That Dance - that overcrowded, cozy, compact dorm room on the eighth floor. We’re there so often, you always pick me up from mine and we walk or bike down together, sometimes we take the shuttle. Jerry is always there, always greets us and talks to us about his nephew and his life. We have Olay by the mirror near the door, which I discover serves as a bit of a primer and is SPF15. We make ramen and Jess uses your desktop to play games while we watch Netflix movies in your top bunk. 

Cardiac Arrest - I, like the monumental asshole I am, make it a point to finish chemistry lab in the morning as quickly as possible so I can be the first person to leave every time. I always play this song as I’m going up those curved wide stairs to take that little bridge back up to the castle on the hill. I almost invariably get back to my room and waste all the time I saved by finishing early. 

Liquor Locker - chilling at lab, doing what I’m supposed to be doing between classes or meetings. Dilution calculations are scribbled in my green lab notebook. I’m responsible for many colonies of single-cell babies but at least a quarter of my attention is on the bus tracker while I run the math in my head. 

Shutter Island - we’re all at the Vevo Halloween concert together in a gigantic warehouse on the water’s edge. I’m absolutely taken with the singer and thus starts a pretty long infatuation with her music. No one else agrees, they definitely think she was the worst of the night. Fair enough. 

GOLD - we’re in the backseat of his car and he and his girlfriend are great. We already had dinner all together that one night before the concert- a vibe check - and now we’re in San Jose to check out a viewpoint where you and I just enjoy each other’s company. It’s our first double date(s) really, and it’s pretty great. 

Trois Gymnopédies - honestly, such a great song but I deadass sought it out after seeing it on a sad parrot video. 10/10

Heebiejeebies - definitely love this song but I don’t know if I can listen to anything from this album without remembering how you were so ready to start a fight at that concert. Again. 

If We Ever Meet Again - I have really strong feelings of being on a field trip associated with this song somehow. 

[kvltprince]

I was tagged by the lovely @leporidaefluff (Thank you! it was the push i needed to get started on this instead of just going oh~ neat~!)

Rules:

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer them as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same. Sorry if anyone has already been tagged, no obligation. @ heathie on whatever acct cos im a dumbass an i miss your bois(you miss em too), @randomwordsandstormydays, @randomfuzzbunny, @jornaquinn @chrysocolladawn ( @somewhere-withoutyou if you would...) and anyone else who would enjoy doing this. (if i get tagged again ill do anther oc. i would tag a few others but i feel weird tagging ppl i dont like ever talk to lol.)

What is your name?

"Lucy Grandchester, yeah that one.” 

How old are you?

“Fourty-five unless you are getting nitpicky about cryostasis. That doesn’t count unless I am joking with a ghoul, honestly.”

What do you look like?

He lets out a small half chuckle, "Oh, we are doing this okay. I’ll bite. Slightly short middle aged punk, long greying curly hair, undercut, with one leg and too many tattoos?”

Where are you from? Where do you live now?

Lucy uncomfortably takes down his hair and redoes his messy bun while sighing and becoming a bit short. “I’m from just the other side of that irradiated water near that gas station south of here. Name kinda gives it away. You have seen it? I honestly am not sure how it’s standing still between the bombs and everything else. It’s looked after now, and is a surprise asset to still have. I lived in Boston for a while after all that, and back in this area once Nuka World was opened, then back in the Boston area, and would you look at that I am back in Nuka World and it is a lot more comfortable now.”

What was your childhood like?

"...Unstable, for everyone. It got a bit better once my parents were dead... are we done with this line of questions? Or am I excusing you?”

What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

“Well, I started out trying to play nicely vaguely with anyone that didn’t try to shoot me first. That.... hasn’t stayed how it is. At least not fully, though i generally play nice until I am given a reason not to. I am friendly with the Disciples, the Operators, several of the Children of Atom groups that haven't irradiated their sense out of their heads yet, the Railroad.”

Tell me about your best friend.

He finally visibly relaxes the rest of the way after that history business, and takes a drink of a quantum. “Oh only one best friend? Are we in high school again? aw Alright. We have some parallel histories.” He swirls the glowing drink, but doesn't let himself get lost in his head too far. “Great humor, puts up with my shit somehow, doesn't blow my sneaking. Laugh that could take on the world even though they probably wouldn't. No I am not spoiling who I decided on. A man has to have some secrets somewhere and mine are in short supply”

Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

“My son Shaun never ceases to surprise me with what he can come up with, and how well adjusted he is. Codsworth is still helping out with the household, and helping keep Shaun from disassembling live turrets while I am away, though now he is living here at Fizztop with us. Surprisingly it seems to be an alright setup, and Shaun has taught a few people some upgrades in their downtime. There is enough room to keep things comfortable, and I have done some park remodeling since I arrived. My closest companions that don’t hate my choices I have made I consider family, but that has become a smaller circle than before.”

What about a partner or partners?

“Gage of course, he is my husband for whatever it is worth in the wasteland. Otherwise I suppose that depends how you are defining that. I am an affectionate person and some people seem to have rather strict definitions of where the edge of friend and partner should be”

Who are your enemies, and why?

“Several people aren’t speaking to me very well at best after I have settled into the Overboss seat here, on a personal level. The Pack were wiped out. The Brotherhood were wiped out. The Institute were wiped out. The minutemen are pretty pissed understandably. The Gunners still show up in vertibirds sometimes and are still pretty fun target practice. My settlements are generally comfortable, and my outposts mostly only have problems with gunners or trappers. Minor annoyances.”

Have you ever heard of The Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

“Yeah, of course. I think they got too headstrong for their flightsuits. I mean I understand but you really can’t do that shit and expect no repercussions. It was quite a firework show honestly, I wonder how far away the heat was felt..”

What about The Enclave?

"I don’t know much about them, only one of their ex-soldiers, he didn’t exactly tell me much. Cute, a bit odd. Not sure if it is the radiation that did that or not.”

How do you feel about Super Mutants?

He has a flash of a pensive thought drift across his face “There’s a few that aren’t so bad. Obviously the FEV isn’t mass-curable though, so not exactly much of a choice what to do about them unless you like getting a rocket launcher or a nuke in your face.”

What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

“Proobably~ around Bunker Hill, It was just, A Lot. That whole time was not just the specific fight. I don’t remember a lot of it, I’m pretty sure Gage half dragged me home after the main running around and meetings after the fight. I don’t think I had a full thought for a while.”

Have you ever fought a Deathclaw?

He thumb points to a sniper rifle leaning against the wall “Yeah, too often, thankfully usually I see them first, and I’ve gotten the sneaking thing down. They make pretty good steaks.”

Do you like fighting?

“Sometimes, honestly. Something tired and overstated about old habits or something boring. Really though, it is exciting and keeps the boredom away. Playfighting and sparring will do, no need to draw blood. I guess. Good to keep knife and sneaking skills sharp however you can.”

What’s your weapon of choice?

“A modded real sharp Throatslicer she called it, I swear Nisha found this thing in the loading dock or something it is the nicest box-cutter I have ever owned. Opens up anything.”

How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L?)

“Outlive everything around me usually by not being seen, notice it first, shoot it faster, stab it more, talk my way out of it, or by luck. I have zero real idea, but I can eat nearly anything and I bet that helps too.”

Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think about them?

"Of course, there are a bunch, and I was ushered into 111 to turn my life upside down. They seem to only be any good for salvage, horror stories, clean water sometimes, and if you are real lucky a trade post and a shave. I have a settlement vault that is doing well that I have taken over and built up, but that is not Vault-Tec related, obviously.”

How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it affected you?

“I have a few recipes that are good for radiation, though it doesn't affect me very badly overall and I am slow to feel any sickness. I suspect that one day I will turn into a ghoul.” He is rather matter of fact and unbothered by this, and hints that he knows that not getting sick much from radiation means just that.

What’s your favorite wasteland critter?

“Probably the stags and gazelles and other herd animals. They are overall unchanged other than most have two heads now, they are still nice to watch”

What’s your least favorite wasteland critter?

“Honestly? radscorpions? Those fuckers are too quick and you cant shoot them cos they tunnel and they knock you on your ass and poison you and just UGH”

How do you feel about robots?

"Robots are alright if they are not causing trouble. Some of them are nice. Jezebel is not so nice, but she is guarding red rocket and bitching the entire time so shes no longer my problem. The Rust Devil’s robots are a pain in my ass for real.”

How many caps do you have on you right now?

"Plenty.”

Nuka Cola or Sunset Sarsaparilla?

He cocks his head slightly “I havent heard that one in a while. Depends on the flavor of Nuka Cola, I do like Sunset Sarsaparilla though, if you have any.”

Do you do chems?

"Not recreationally anymore. No, not because of him.” He nods toward Gage “It just, gets out of hand”

Do you ever think about the Pre-War world?

"Not as often as you would expect, I mean obviously there is the ‘oh i remember when that wasn't destroyed’ of things, but things are more comfortable than I thought they could be”

What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

His eyes narrow slightly “I don’t really do regret. Things were done the way they were because it was the choice at the time. A choice now for an old situation isn’t helpful to living my current life or my old life. I am not living then, I am living now.” 

What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?

“Surviving all of this, and myself. Creating this strange semi-stability in this post apocalyptic place.”

What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

“Keep me and mine safe, happy as we can be, and I hope that my found-family never fully stops growing. Curious what the future holds for my raiders and friends, there is so much potential, it could be risky but it is there. For once it is a good solid place to be, and it’s mine.” Lucy polishes off his questionable as hell drink with a smile.

[happy-meo]

Save Me. (Yoongi x Reader) PART 6.

“It swallowed me, this lunatic. Please save me tonight. Within this childish madness, you will save me tonight.” - [“Save Me” - BTS]

Summary: It was an unprecedented love that bloomed within the halls of your high school, until secret words were overheard, and shattered the budding romance. It changed your life forever, leading you down a path you had never thought you would be on– training to become a secret agent. You chose it to escape Yoongi and the results of how things ended between you two, but as fate would have it, that very same choice ended up leading you right back to him. Will you be able to save your clients and solve mysteries together despite your history? Will you be able to save each other? Will you able to save yourself…from yourself?    

Yoongi x Reader (ft. Jin & all the other BTS members)

Secret Agent AU

Mystery, Action, Angst, & Fluff (contains some violence, mentions of murder, death, harassment, and bullying)

PARTS: Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 (Finale) | Bonus: The Letter

          "Y/N? Where'd you go? I lost you." Yoongi called you on his cell phone. "You know you can't just disappear in an amusement park, or I'll have to report a missing child."          

           "Turn around, you weirdo." You chuckled.

           He spun around to find you waving cotton candy from afar. Snorting, he hung up and walked towards you as you approached him as well.

           "Didn't think you'd be the type to get nervous if I disappeared?" You stuck your tongue out teasingly.

           "Well you snuck away while I was buying us drinks. How was I supposed to know you didn't get drawn in by someone offering candy?" he grinned.

           "Don't think I missed your comment about me being a child." You waved the cotton candy at him.

           "Are you going to take a bite?" he questioned.

           "Why? Are you going to steal it from me?" You squinted your eyes at him suspiciously.

           "Why would I want your cotton candy?" he rolled his eyes.

           "Then why are you asking?" You mindlessly took a bite from it. Before you knew it, Yoongi had leaned forward and snatched the end of cotton candy bite you had taken, straight from your mouth. Your eyes widened in astonishment.

           "Yoo--" But his lips connected with yours before you could finish calling his name. It was sweetly sticky, tasting very much like the flavor of cotton candy you both had consumed, but nonetheless, it made your heart race and your body tingled. You were happy that Yoongi couldn't get enough of you as much as you couldn't get enough of him.

           He smirked and licked his lips as he stepped away from you, satisfied at his surprise attack.

           "Look at me. I got a 2 for 1 deal." he ripped off a piece of your cotton candy smugly. "A kiss and a piece of dessert."

           "You burglar." You chuckled as he threw an arm around your shoulders and yours found its way around his waist. "I'll sue you for all the kisses you've stolen."

           "Oh? How do you plan to sue me?" he glanced at you with a lop-sided smile.

           "By taking them back of course." You pecked his lips, causing him to grin widely.

           "Guess cotton candy isn't the only thing sweet right now."

           "Oh gosh that was so lame." You cringed.

           He head-locked you as you cracked up. "I am your boyfriend! Don't judge me!"

           "A girlfriend has a right to judge! I'll still love you anyway!" You giggled as you struggled to get out of his grip.

           His body relaxed and loosened, much to your surprise. You glanced over at him curiously.

           "What?"

           "Nothing. Just happy." he shrugged.

           You raised an eyebrow at him.

           "I love you too." He interlaced his fingers with yours and kissed your knuckles. "So let's be cliché and watch the fireworks with the rest of the couples and wanna-be couples, okay?"

           "I thought you'd never ask." You grinned playfully.

           "Don't let go of my hand. You're so short, I won't ever find you in the crowd." he chuckled.

           "You're such an ass, Min Yoongi." You rolled your eyes. "You're just as short so don't let go either."

           Yoongi smiled as he looked down at your entwined hands; the sight filled him with indescribable joy. Everything was so easy when he was with you.

           "Yoongi."

           Yoongi had turned on his earpiece in the dark as he sat in corner of the classroom with the rest of his peers, waiting for the announcement that the school was clear. Namjoon's voice poured into his ear. He knew Namjoon had both of your locations. He needed to know where you were and if you were still around.

           "She's still in the library, but Yoongi..."

           His heart sank at the "but" and the notion of hesitancy and apprehension in Namjoon's tone; he knew he couldn't ask since he was in a silent classroom, but so many worries, so many thoughts were circulating his mind. All he could do was wait. Wait for you. Wait for Namjoon to spit the news out.

           "There are 4 people in the library...when before there were only 3..." Namjoon stated. "I think she's with the unidentified person."

           Yoongi clenched his fists. His heart was beating quickly, but he felt his entire body get cold at statement.

           "I've already sent Hoseok and Jungkook in as back up. They're on their way through the ceiling vents. Jimin is monitoring all the exits from where he is, so the person won't be able to leave unnoticed."

           Yoongi closed his eyes, frustrated that all he could do was listen to a play-by-play. He was itching to run out of there, to get to you. But he was stuck in a corner...literally.

           "Shhh..." Prez whispered and moved his hand away from your mouth slowly.

           You turned around quietly to study his appearance. It really was him. You blinked curiously, finding that he was wearing spectacles, something you had never seen on him.

           "Nice glasses." he grinned as if taking the words out of your mouth, and you realized you were wearing the night vision glasses.

           Hurriedly, you tried to change the subject. "Where's the Librarian?"

           "She's communicating with the other teachers to signal them that the perpetrator is in here." he explained.

           "And why are you here?"

           "She told me you were still here. I wasn't going to leave you alone with who knows what kind of monster that person is." he gripped your wrist. "Let's hide together."

           "He was just right there, Prez." You glanced back at the location you had seen the silhouette.

           "All the more reason to move away from here." he urged.

           You hesitated, wanting to know more, wanting to possibly capture the shadow. They, after all, might be the serial killer, making a big, extravagant introduction. But you knew the priority was maintaining your identity for now, so you followed his lead.

           You heard something shuffle hurriedly across the library, and your body instinctively turned towards the direction of the sound. But Prez grabbed hold of your hand urgently.

           "Don't, Y/N." he whispered.

           You could hear the panic in his voice.

           "Why?" You found yourself asking. "There's one of that person and two of us."

           "Do you really think one person could pull off those attacks?" he tugged at you. "Please. Let me just get you to safety."

           Your eyes widened at his comment. "What do you know?"

           "I don't know anything. I just don't think a single person can pull the wool over people's eyes consecutively, and pull off perfectly planned murders on their own." He moved his face closer to yours, so much so that you could feel his breath fan your face. "Have you finished the novel yet?"

           You shook your head; your words getting stuck in your throat at his proximity.

           "You should do it soon." he pulled you into his chest and hid behind a shelf of books. "It seems things are going to escalate faster now."

           You furrowed your brows, but settled on leaning into his torso, feeling his heart beat quicken. His arms tightened strongly around you and you could feel him trying to control his breathing so it was almost inaudible. You could tell he was worried and scared, but why? You knew he knew more than he let on, but why was that? What was he?

           "The person disappeared from the library, but we lost his infrared coordination. Jimin, any signs of someone exiting?" Namjoon panicked.

           Yoongi stiffened.

           "No. All entrances and exits have not moved, nor has anyone even come close to the doors. Jungkook, Hoseok. Any sign of escape through the ceiling?"

           "Negative on my end." Hoseok called out.

           "Mine too." Jungkook answered.

           "Taehyung is at the front gate staking out too. This means the perpetrator hasn't left the school." Namjoon stated.

           "But then...where did they go?" Jimin whispered.

           "Taehyung, make sure you scan the squads we're sending. They might try to move in and out with them."

           "I put a specific chemical into their vests, so their infrared colors should be different on your monitor, Boss." Taehyung mentioned. "If anyone tries to sneak into the formation, we'll know right away."

           "You're a genius, Tae." Namjoon grinned.

           Tae giggled.

           "Guys, but he DISAPPEARED from the library and we don't know where he is!" Jimin redirected their attention. "That means he's still in the school, and they're about to call off--"

           "All clear. All clear. Cease lock down. The perimeters have been searched. Everyone, coast is clear. Please return your classrooms to place."

           The announcement was heard loudly.

           "Yoongi--" Namjoon warned, but Yoongi had already jumped from his spot and bolted out of the classroom.

           "Prez, Y/N!" the Librarian called out as the S.W.A.T. team under Namjoon and Tae's direction entered the library.

           You glanced up and exchanged worried glances with Prez. Had you two just imagined that someone was nearby just minutes before?

           He exhaled and grabbed your hand once again. "Let's go. The Librarian will have a panic attack if we don't get out there."

           You nodded meekly.

           "Stay with people wherever you go, okay?" he squeezed your hand to emphasize his statement.

           "I'll try." You replied.

           "No." he cut you off. "Promise me."

           You glanced up at him, surprised at his forceful request.

           "Y/N! Prez! Oh thank goodness!" the Librarian spotted you two come into the clearing and hurriedly embraced you. "I was so worried! When I heard someone enter, I didn't know what to do. I knew you were still in there, and --"

           You smiled and let her hug you warmly.

           "You're okay though? You're not hurt?" she checked you closely, truly reminding you of a mother.

           "I'm fine." You grinned. "I need to get back to my classroom. I'm sure my homeroom teacher and roommate are worried about me."

           "Yes, of course." the Librarian nodded. "Get her back there safely, Prez."

           "Will do." he smiled and tugged at your hand. You realized he had never let go, and you blinked in confusion. Why?

           As soon as you stepped out of the library though, your hands were ripped apart. You inhaled sharply as you were shoved behind a familiarly broad back.

           Almost immediately, you felt yourself relax in his presence.

           "Yoonji." You grabbed a fistful of his uniform gratefully and leaned your head against his back.

           That was enough for Yoongi to ease his aggressive stance, but still blocking you from the Prez.

           "You're always so reckless, Y/N." he shut his eyes and sighed.

           He was going to scold you about your stupidity and how you never listen to him when he continually insisted on staying where he can see you, but all that flew out the window with your subtle act of dependency.

           "I know." you chuckled and stepped back to allow Yoongi to face you. "Don't be mad at Prez. He helped me in there."

           Yoongi glared at Prez, who smiled and shrugged, then scanned your body for any injuries.

           "Did you really need to hold hands though?" he snided, and you blushed at the recollection.

           Yoongi scowled, but before he could open his mouth to retort once more, a crowd of students packed the hallway, surrounding you and the Prez immediately. He was shoved over in the stampede. People flocked and as if it was a press conference, they bombarded you and the Student Council President with questions about whether you saw somebody, why were the two of you alone in the library, etc.

           "Girl, I'm so jealous! You were stuck with the President in the dark, in a moment of crisis? I would've jumped him if I thought it would be my last few minutes." Braids linked her arm around yours. "Everyone was so envious of your situation when they heard."

           "How did you hear about it?"

           "Well, Yoonji was making a big fuss about you still being in the library, but I had also chatted with Prez before, so I knew he was on his way there before everything happened. I put two and two together, and well, I mentioned it to the others."

           "Why?" You groaned.

           "Girl, it'll help with your growing popularity." Braids whispered. "Like...imagine if you dated THE Student Council President? He's never looked twice at any of us. He's friendly with everyone, but was never too close. The only female he had by his side was the old Vice President...and well...may she rest in peace. But maybe you can heal his broken heart!"

           You rolled your eyes and nudged Braids as she cackled, but you spared a glance towards the Prez, who was amiably laughing and answering everyone's questions with ease. You caught his eye and he sent a gentle smile your way before returning to his conversations. Looking around, you spotted Yoongi brooding in the back of the crowd, his ear piece in, murmuring seriously.

           "Excuse me." You patted Braids, and she latched herself to Prez without hesitation.

           Putting your ear piece in, you made your way to Yoongi, nodding and smiling, saying consistent "thank you's" to everyone that mentioned they were glad you were safe.

           "This is so weird. They never left the building by normal means." You heard Namjoon's voice, and paused where you were, catching the drift of the conversation.

           "So that means..." You mumbled.

           "Whoever it is... they're still somewhere in the school." Yoongi finished as he stared at you.

           "Y/N, watch out!" one of the students called.

           You turned to the side, in time to see two brawling students coming your way from down the hall.

           "What in the world?" You gasped as you spotted one dragging a baseball bat behind him. Hurriedly, you ushered everyone to scatter. "Everyone move back!"

           "Those were the two nerds fighting before!" Someone bellowed.

           You stood your ground, ready to stop the fighting to prevent anyone from getting injured. However, unexpectedly, one of the students swung the bat at his opponent, but it slipped from his grip, hurtling away. Everyone gasped.

           "Move Y/N!" Yoongi lunged forward and tackled you to the ground, in time to cover you from the shattering window.

           "1." A booming voice was heard, and immediately, everyone froze in their spots. "2."

           Yoongi lifted his torso up and you both saw Jin strutting down the hallway with the Counselor and the Science Teacher at his side. His brows were furrowed, letting everyone know he was furious. The boy dropped the bat, and the two of them hurriedly stepped away from the scene of their quarrel. All the other students backed up significantly, the atmosphere completely icy now.

           "3." Jin stood tall in front of the two students who looked down guiltily.

           You had only seen Jin truly angry a total of three times, and you would admit that witnessing it was a terrifying experience.

           "Everyone return to your classrooms now. And I thought I told my homeroom to stay put." he glared at your fellow classmates, who winced and bowed their heads too. "And you two --"

           "I'll take care of them, Mr. Kim." The Counselor stepped in and pointed to the two students who had been fighting. "I've worked with them before...but clearly, we need to do a few more sessions to settle their conflicts and aggressive tendencies."  

           "Very well." Jin crossed his arms and marched in front of you and Yoongi, both of you still on the ground. "I'll take care of my own students then."

           "I'll see to it that everyone returns to their classrooms." The Science Teacher yawned and ushered everyone away from the scene nicely. The Counselor disappeared with the other students, and soon, only the three of you were left alone.

           "Ah shit." Yoongi winced as he stood up, realizing he had little cuts on his legs and neck, the deepest on his cheek.

           You frowned. Jin helped you up warmly, his anger dissipating easily.

           "You okay?" he smiled.

           You glanced at him and nodded, surprised at the softness in his tone.

           "You must've been scared." he patted your head then bowed deeply. "I'm sorry."

           "It's not like you knew it would happen. There was nothing you could do about it." You chuckled lightly.

           "But you are one of my responsibilities. If anything happened to you, I don't know what I'd do." Jin stared at you intently.

           You blushed and averted your eyes from his serious gaze, your heart fluttering slightly.

           Jin probably realized what his statement sounded like by your shy reaction, and he flustered, "I-I-mean cause you're one of my students! You know!"

           "Y-yeah. Of course..." You smiled timidly and nodded.

           "How thoughtful." Yoongi remarked as he picked off the shards of glass on his blazer. "Yet shouldn't you have run over to the library to make sure she was safe, if you were so worried?"

           "Yoonji!" You hissed.

           "What?" he crossed his arms. "He was going on and on about protocol, and meeting the other teachers. But now he's here acting like his world would collapse if something happened to you? What bullshit."

           "Yoonji! Stop it!" You grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry, Mr. Kim. She's not in a very good mood."

           Jin smiled understandably. "It's fine. I can understand why you kids would think so idealistically."

           "What was that?" Yoongi snarled defensively.

           You smacked Yoongi's chest to stop him. "It's cause we're still kids, of course. Please forgive his immaturity, Mr. Kim."  

           Jin nodded. "Take him to the Nurse to get treated then take the rest of the day off. I'll have someone else send you the lecture notes."

           Yoongi was about to grumble something when you three heard the sound of hurried footsteps getting closer to your location.

           "Help! Someone help! Oh! Mr. Kim!! Mr. Kim!!" The English Teacher, pale as a ghost, hurried over with a panicked expression that you all knew too well by now.

           "Guys..." Namjoon spoke into your ear pieces, confirming your inkling.

           You shivered as coldness crawled onto your skin.

           "Another student's body was found." The English Teacher finished.

           The four of you sprinted, the English Teacher leading you to the new scene of the crime-- one of the fire escape staircases.

           "Oh my gosh."  You gasped and covered your mouth at the sight.

           You recognized him immediately as one of the people who used to bully you frequently. The leader of those who flipped your skirt up, the instigator of pulling your hair, but now his eyes were soullessly open. He was battered and his neck hung lopsidedly, broken, showing off the signature "X" that had been carved there. The rest of his body was unrecognizable since his posture was similar to a rag doll. His joints bent every which way, distorting his once built physique.

           You glanced at Yoongi, who looked just as disgusted. You felt nauseous.

           "I was making my rounds to make sure all the students were back in the classroom, and..." the English teacher sobbed into Jin's shoulder. "I was terrified."

           "Y/N. Yoonji. Please go back." Jin stated, also growing pale at what he was seeing, but kindly patting the English teacher on the back. "You shouldn't be seeing this."

           "It looks like all his joints were dislocated by force." Namjoon's voice was heard soon enough; Taehyung trailing behind him.

           You could see Tae's hands shaking as he gripped his camera, and you didn't blame him. These murders were getting more and more grotesque.

           Your eyes widened, remembering what Prez had said in the library, "It seems things are going to escalate faster now."

           It was definitely plausible.

           "Could it be that..." You whispered, but your voice echoed as everyone turned their attention to you.

           "I think two people did this." Prez's voice was heard, finishing your thought.

           Your heart was racing as the gears in your mind turned. You glanced up in realization, and you caught Namjoon's eyes from afar. It seemed that he was thinking similarly as he nodded his head curtly before shaking it to signal you not to say anything. It was very, very likely that two people had killed this student.

           "What is with the emergency? Oh my dear!" The Principal arrived behind him, and he stumbled back upon seeing the tattered body. "H-h-how?"

           "What was the quote this time?" Prez stepped beside you.

           Taehyung knelt down with his gloves and pulled out the paper that had been stuffed into the body's uniform pocket. Bravely, he opened it and read, "The innocent must not suffer."

           "B-but no student was absent today!" the Principal cried out. "Whose homeroom was he in?"

           You and Yoongi glanced over at Jin, who was still in shock.

           "M-mine." he whispered.

           "Was he in attendance today?"

           "Y-yes...I mean he answered during roll call...and..." Jin flustered.

           "He wasn't." Yoongi spoke. "I didn't say anything because I thought he was playing hooky and that'd be uncool...but his friends had played a recording of his voice during roll call because you never look up when you're taking attendance."

           Jin gasped and stared at Yoongi with wide eyes. "But what about me counting heads during the lock down?! I definitely counted that only Y/N was missing!"

           Yoongi shook his head and shrugged. "I'm not sure, Mr. Kim. It was dark."

           Jin was visibly distraught. You reached out and patted his shoulder comfortably.

           "You need to speak to those students who covered up his disappearance, Mr. Kim." You urged. "Why did they do what they did? And how is it related to this?"

           Jin nodded. "I'm so sorry, Principal. I-I don't even have an excuse."

           The Principal shook his head. "No, whoever is the mastermind...or masterminds...it just means they know everyone well enough to orchestrate this."

           "They may be closer than you think." Jimin arrived and joined in. "If they know even how the teachers take roll call."

           "We'll clean this up before the students get wind of this." Namjoon stated, glancing furtively at his team members.

           "Yes, the other staff members are currently doing their best to quell the students in the gym. Please do." The Principal bowed. "Let us all go."

           "Where was the 'X' on the previous victim?" You directed to Namjoon.

           "Lower abdomen. It wasn't visible like the others have been." he answered without hesitation.

           "Come Y/N, Yoonji. Mr. Kim, English Teacher, Mr. Park, Prez. Let them do their work." Principal beckoned.

           You stared at the back of the Principal's head, wondering why he was reacting so nonchalantly. But suddenly, you felt someone brush against your hand. Looking up, you found Jimin beside you.

           "Be careful Y/N." he stated seriously. "I meant what I said."

           You glanced around. Did Jimin think one of the people near you now was the culprit?

           The four of you-- you, Jimin, Yoongi, and Prez-- trailed behind the others, each lost in thought.

           "Yoonji, you're bleeding!" Jimin gasped, and reached forward. "What happened?"

           "Ran into a window." he shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

           "You need to get it disinfected right away." Jimin frowned.

           "I don't trust you, Nurse." Yoongi whispered argumentatively, and Jimin snorted.  

            "He was a baseball team member." Prez suddenly blurted out.

           "What?" You looked at him.

           "The victim was on the baseball team." he reiterated.

           "Yeah, so?" Yoongi raised an eyebrow.

           "I'll catch you later." Prez stated before hurrying in the opposite direction.

           "Yah!" Jimin called out.

           "We're going back to the dorm too." Yoongi grabbed your arm, angrily.

           "Yah..." Jimin whined.

           "Tell the higher ups for us." Yoongi smirked before he dragged you away and out of the school building.

           And you let him do so, because all you wanted to do was be in your room to piece everything together. That, or just rest. You were truly exhausted from the whirlwind of events.  

           "I think Jin and Prez are in cahoots." Yoongi stated as soon as you two were in the comfort of your dorm.

           "Don't be ridiculous, Yoongi." You snorted.

           "I'm being serious, Y/N." he threw his blazer off. "Think about it."

           "Think about what? I was with the Prez in the library, and someone else was clearly in the library at the same time sneaking around. Jin was in the classroom with you at the time."

           Yoongi hesitated, "One of them is working with someone else then. But one of them is guilty, I can feel it."

           "I don't know why you judge people so fast. There are no facts yet!"

           "You read the facts. The Prez is #1 on my list. He is at every single murder site before the other students, knows everybody, seems to know a lot of things that most people don't. He was even at the exact place the perpetrator was! He probably wanted to make sure you didn't find out who his accomplice was and that's why he went and 'saved' you."

           You fell silent. "It's a possibility. But he seemed like he was really trying to piece the murders together."

           "It's called acting. A murderer isn't going to act nonchalant so easily, don't you think? Especially one that's as smart as this one. Plus the Prez has no background in the school system. It's like he just suddenly appeared here."

           "And what about Jin?" You whispered.

           "I just think he's suspicious. I mean he didn't even bat an eye to go save you then he puts on dramatics that he was worried about you?"

           "You're such an asshole. He is a teacher! Why would he go save one student and forfeit protecting the others? THIS is why he called you a kid! You only think about yourself and not anyone else!" You raised your voice.

           "I'm thinking about YOU, aren't I? That's why I'm so angry right now!" he yelled.

           "Then why the fuck are you taking it out on me??"

           "I'm angry because of you!"

           "WHAT DID I DO?!"

           "YOU'RE FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY!" Yoongi pointed.

           "THEY MAY NOT BE THE ENEMY!"

           "You need to stop seeing the two of them." he crossed his arms.

           "Who are you that I have to follow your ridiculous order?" You snorted.

           "I'M YOUR PARTNER. Or are you going to stab me in the back again?" he blurted out then covered his mouth immediately.

           You scoffed. "Again? Me? Stab YOU in the back? Really? You want to go there again?"

           "No, I'm sorry. I just..." Yoongi exhaled. "I just need you to be careful. You heard Jimin. It's not just me who thinks you're too close to the potential murderer or murderers if the Prez was right about it being two people."

           "See. It's cause he's giving hints away like that, that I don't think he's the killer." You retorted.

           "But it may be because he's the murderer that he wants someone to figure out his sick little game, and you're the chosen one." Yoongi argued.

           "We're not getting anywhere with this." You sighed as you walked into your bedroom. "We're only grasping at conjectures, not solid facts."  

           "What're you going to do now?" Yoongi followed you, slightly frowning.

           You pulled out your first-aid kit and gestured for him to sit on his bed. "I'd prefer your wound to not get infected."

           He obliged, and let you disinfect his cuts.

           "Thank you." You stated after a long silence.

           "For?"

           "The window incident, and for coming to the library right away." You commented as you cupped his cheek to hold him still as you dabbed alcohol on his deep cut. Yoongi hissed at the stinging sensation, but you steadied him with a click of your tongue. "I'll put a band-aid on this one. How did this even get cut so deeply?"

           His lips curled up as he watched you tend to him closely. Like before, his well-being took precedence over your anger and frustrations towards him. Whenever you two had gotten into fights in high school, all he had to do was fake an injury or any sort of pain to get you out of giving him the cold shoulder. Whether you knew and just obliged or not, he was always grateful that you cared for him enough to put those little things to the side.

           So did that mean that you still cared for him a lot now?

           "And a Kumamon band-aid for you ~" You grinned as you smoothed it over his cheek.

           "Thanks."

           "You're welcome. Now, I need to get into comfortable clothes." You yawned.

           He frowned as you left his orbit once again. He knew he was being slightly irrational. He knew why Prez and Jin were bothering him. But he also knew he needed to know something before he admitted any of those answers.

           "How did we end up like this?" Yoongi exhaled as he turned around as you began to change in front of him nonchalantly.

           "What do you mean?" You hummed as you pulled a loose t-shirt over your body.

           "Where did our relationship go wrong in high school? What happened?"

           You chuckled. "Isn't it a little late to be asking that?"

           "Do you really not see me as a man?" Yoongi spun around irritatedly, and stared at you incredulously.

           Luckily, you were already changed so you glanced at him, amused.

           "Well you look like such a convincing girl that I can't help it."

           He frowned and stood up, chucking his wig to the side. In a few strides, he came face-to-face with you dangerously. His hair messy and his eyes burning into yours daringly.

           "And what about now?"

           You took a few seconds to collect yourself then you placed your hands on his shoulders. "Yoongi, what is this about? Why are you bringing up the past? What? Are you regretting that we broke up all those years ago?"

           He stared at you intently and didn't say a word, but you knew what his hesitancy meant.

           "Yoongi...are you seriously regretting breaking up?" You repeated, a bit stunned.

           He grabbed your hands from his shoulders and held them onto them gently.

           "What if I said I was?"

           You looked up at him sadly. "I'd say it's a bit late for regrets now, Yoongi."

           "Is it too late?"

           You tilted your head down to observe how his hands looked entangled in yours. Your heart fluttered, remembering all the moments in the past: when you had wanted to reach out for him, when he first reached out for you and broke the barrier, then the subtle brushes of your hands in secret when passing each other by or when standing next to each other, when you two could finally hold hands freely. What did you want now? Was it the Yoongi in front of you? Or was it the Yoongi you were in love with in your younger days?

           "I don't know, Yoongi. Honestly." You smiled, settling on admitting your truth right now. "But I don't think I regret what happened to us in the past."

           Yoongi stared at you expectantly, urging you to explain yourself.

           "If we had stayed together, I don't think either of us would have pursued being agents. We probably would've settled for stable jobs or something." You chuckled. "Then we'd be a bit boring, don't you think?"

           "So you don't regret not being with me?"

           "Once upon a time, I did. Greatly." You sighed as you felt his thumbs caressing the back of your hand, relaxing you. "But I think we were too young, too immature back then. A lot of things could have been prevented if we had just taken a step back or if we had fought to move forward together. A lot of feelings could've been spared. A lot of anger wouldn't have existed."

           "I'm sorry." Yoongi hung his head. "I- I..."

           "Hey." You let go of one of his hands so you could cup his face gently, letting him meet your gaze. "Why are you getting so upset over something that happened years ago? I'm right here, aren't I? I'm not going away. We're no longer enemies or angry at each other. We're partners. We're friends."

           He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek into your hand.

           "Tell me what's going on Yoongi." You whispered worriedly.

           "I don't want to lose you again is all."

           You laughed lightly, knowing no one would believe it if you confessed that Min Yoongi actually had a soft, cute side. "You won't. We can't lose our partners or else we lose our jobs, remember?"

           Yoongi shot you a lop-sided smile, but you could tell something was still bothering him. You couldn't blame him either. Being back in high school brought back a lot of memories you had tried to suppress.

           "Talk to me when you're ready to." You patted his cheek gently.

           "I'm not very good at talking." he mumbled.

           "I know." You chuckled. "That's why I'm not forcing you to talk until you figure out what it is you want to say."

           Yoongi nodded.

           "Let's nap?" You squeezed his hand.

           "Let's." He grinned as he swept you off your feet and threw you onto your bed.

           You proceeded to glare at him for his rough behavior, but much to your surprise, instead of moseying to his own bed, he slipped beside you in yours with a big sigh.

           "Yoongi, what are you--" You blinked.

           He turned over and wrapped an arm around you.

           "We're both girls, so it's all good." he stated cheekily.

           You scoffed. "You know we're not both girls."

           "Oh? Is that why you're so comfortable changing in front of me?" he smirked as he nuzzled into you further.

           You huffed, feeling your body warm up immediately at his closeness. "I trust you not to peek. That's why!"

           He smiled but pulled you into his chest regardless. "It's cold. I hate being cold."

           You blushed and pouted. Not that he could see it since his arms enveloped you entirely, like you belonged there. You mentally scolded yourself not to think those things. But you relaxed and decided to just let it be for now. You would much rather be together just in case something else happened anyway. Even being in separate beds was a bit nerve-wrecking nowadays. So your arms wrapped around his waist, pulling yourself closer to him; the distinct smell that was always left on his clothes filled your nostrils and made you smile unconsciously. You felt safe.

           Yoongi grinned happily as your bodies melded together. It was alright that he didn't have answers. For now, he was content that he was with you, that you were with him, and whatever the reason, fate had brought you back into his life. You both had plenty of time to make amends for the past once this case was over. He vowed to himself that he would. He would admit everything, that he would make it up to you. Smiling giddily, he drifted off to sleep, enjoying the way you were leaning into his chest with wholehearted trust and security. Something he wouldn't take for granted ever again.

           "Y/N!" You spun around at the sound of your name, unsure of where to look.

           Jimin and the Counselor were coming from opposite sides of the hallway, both waving you down.

           "Hey, can I talk to you?" Jimin questioned.

           "Yeah, sure." You answered.

           "Mr. Park, do you mind if I have a talk with Ms. Y/N first?" Counselor smiled. "I have the two boys who ended up endangering her and hurting Ms. Yoonji, in my office."

           Jimin smiled and nodded, "Oh. Of course. Just stop by my office later, Y/N. I want to take a look at your back that you said starting hurting from your fall."

           You caught on to his story without hesitation, "Of course, Mr. Park. I'll stop by during my next break."

           "See you then." he waved brightly.

           "I wanted to make sure they see you before I let them go." Counselor warmly gestured towards his office.

           You bowed and stepped in, immediately noticing it was quite spacious. It had a large couch, a reclining chair, and two chairs in front of his desk. The two students that had been fighting just a few days before-- resulting in a shattered window--were sitting calmly in the two chairs.

           "So, boys?" Counselor raised his eyebrow.

           The boys got on their knees and bowed. "We're so sorry! Our actions could have seriously injured you."

           You blushed and waved your hands. "Thank you for the apology, but I'm sure my roommate Yoonji would highly appreciate this sort of gesture more."

           You fought back a chuckle at the image of Yoongi milking their apologies, while smirking smugly.

           "Unfortunately, the basketball team has her at afternoon practice and refused to give her up since time was limited."

           "Ah..." You nodded, remembering that was why Yoongi had grumbled something about not being able to eat lunch today. "Well thank you, and I hope it doesn't happen again."

           "I hope not either." he glanced at the students, who bowed, and hurried out of the room.

           "Well, if that was all--"

           "Please sit, Ms. Y/N. I've been meaning to speak to you since you first came to this school. I know you've been through a lot." Counselor sat down and offered. "Tea?"

           "No thank you." You declined.

           "So how are things?"

           "Um...fine?" You looked around, wondering why he was talking to you now.

           "No more bullying?" he smiled warmly.

           You shook your head, grinning. "None at all. Quite the opposite nowadays. A lot of people have been asking me out and stuff."

           "I'm glad. I was worried about you, but with all the...well unfortunate events...I've been a lot busier than I've ever been, to care for the mental health of the students and teachers."

           You scanned the Counselor curiously. He was very kind and had a calming disposition. No wonder people were prone to open up to him. You genuinely felt like he cared for you, despite only having encountered each other a few times.

           "Weren't you wearing a different tie earlier?" You blurted out curiously.

           Counselor blinked at your random comment and chuckled. "Ah well yes. I had spilled tea on it so I put on a spare. I'm surprised you noticed. I thought they were quite similar."

           "The pattern was different though the color was the same." You giggled. "I've always been good at games like 'spot the difference'."

           "You also seem to have a knack of being at the wrong place at the wrong time." he poured himself a cup. "I heard from the Student Council President that you were in the library with him."

           "Yeah."

           "He insisted that there was someone else with you two. I just wanted to make sure you also saw some silhouette he mentioned? I know sometimes a terrifying experience can heighten the senses and imagination."

           "No, I definitely saw the same shadow." You mentioned.

           "And how are you coping with these dangerous experiences and deaths? I'm sure it's not something you thought you'd find when you transferred here."

           "No...definitely not. But I think I'm okay." You fiddled with your fingers.

           "But how are you coping? What strategies do you use? What is your form of escape?"

           "Um music...and well, talking with Yoonji. Reading." You listed. "Those calm me down and make me momentarily forget everything in my mind."

           "Very healthy, good." he sipped. "Have you experienced death before?"

           "Excuse me?" You raised an eyebrow.

           "I meant, have you lost someone in your family or witnessed someone die before? Because you're handling everything rather well, so it makes me think it's not your first time dealing with this cycle of life."

           "Oh." You chuckled. "Yeah...I've witnessed a few deaths...but it definitely doesn't get easier, especially when the scenes get a little more brutal each time."

           "Yes." he sighed. "I didn't see it myself, but I did hear that the last victim's body was... rather grotesque. The English Teacher came to me the day of, very distraught about her find."

           You nodded.

           "Any nightmares as of late?"

           "Mmm not as of late."

           "But you've had some?"

           "About well...bullying incidents." You blushed.

           "Ah. But they haven't returned since they bullying stopped in real life right?"

           "Yep, I've been nightmare free."

           "I'm glad to hear that." he smiled. "And I'm happy to see that you have remained gentle and good."

           "Hm?"

           "Even when you were being bullied and kept to yourself, I noticed you would subtly help students around you anyway. I'm glad that your personality has not changed with your new status is all." he sipped again. "As you've probably seen, the hierarchy in this school needs some...help. I've had many victims of bullying come in seeking counsel more so than any other year. When I tried to mediate between victims and the bullies, I found that most of those who are claimed as 'popular' were hard to discuss things with. Very unfortunate, but I hope you could help from the inside by being a healthy example."

           "A healthy example?"

           "Of someone who can remain kind hearted and well-loved, instead of being simply revered because of their wealth, status, and power, or out of fear." He slipped a piece of candy towards you. "I would really appreciate your help."

           "How do I do that?"

           He smiled, "Just keep being yourself, Y/N. Don't let anyone change you. The more people see you, maybe the more ashamed they would feel acting the way they do. It may be silly or idealistic, but I hope it has such an effect."

           You grabbed the candy, and grinned. "I'll do my best."

           "My door is always open for you, Y/N. If you ever have any troubles, no matter how big or small, feel free to stop by."

           "Thank you, Counselor." You bowed, feeling lighter than when you entered. You could definitely see why people relied on him a lot in this school. "Keep up the good work."

           "I shall try too, Y/N. Take care and be careful."

           You were diligently taking notes in class later that day, when all of a sudden, you were hit with a piece of paper. You looked around to find one of the boys in your class had thrown it to you. He gestured for you to open it. Raising an eyebrow, you carefully did so, trying not to be caught by Jin. You winced as the note read "You + Me = Dance". Turning around, you smiled weakly and shook your head. The guys around him snickered happily while he slumped down, dejected.

           Apparently, the annual big Spring Fling school dance was still scheduled to be hosted, despite the ominous events that have been happening throughout the school. What a great way to distract the students from pressing issues, you had snorted. But you didn't realize it would affect you so greatly, until you were barraged and bombarded by outstanding proposals to attend the dance together. You were grateful for your spy training, since it came in handy for avoiding people and moving unnoticed. You may have stunned and immobilized a few suitors who were a bit more aggressive, but so far, no one's come out to admit that you had done so, thankfully. Yoongi was also in the same boat, though he harshly rejected everyone that attempted, while you tried your best to let them down gently.

           You were sure you would be going solo, considering it would be far too awkward to attend with a stranger. You were perfectly content with being by yourself.

           But, you didn't expect the Student Council President of all people to ask you to the dance.

           "What?" You blinked, astonished, unsure of whether you heard his statement correctly.

           He stood in front of your classroom, a crowd of people surrounding you two, wanting to witness this with their own eyes.

           "Um...well I had hoped there would be less witnesses." he glanced around sheepishly, but he pulled out a bouquet of flowers. "But I'd really like it if you would do me the honor of being my date to the Spring Fling dance, Y/N."

           Your lips curled up happily as you examined the beautiful set of flowers in your hands. If it was the Student Council President, you could see yourself being comfortable and having fun at the dance. You had never attended your school dances before with a date, so this would be a first, although you weren't exactly in your teens anymore. But nobody had to know that.

           You opened your mouth to reply positively, but a familiar voice echoed from behind the crowd.

           "SHE CAN'T!"

           Your head snapped towards that direction as the group parted the way for Min Yoongi, flipping his hair off his shoulder and trying to catch his breath, all while displaying a basketball under his arm coolly.

           "Why not?" Prez questioned gently.

           Yoongi wasn't sure what he was doing. But when someone had called out into the gym that Prez was asking you to the dance, he had sprinted from basketball practice to where you were. His heart was racing and his mind was foggy. His body seemed to be moving instinctively on its own. So here he was, pretending to be a female, trying to stop you from dating this-- he hated to admit it-- attractive boy, with no real reason whatsoever.

           Oh fuck it.

           He thought as he grabbed your hand, going with the first plan that had popped into his head.

           "'Cause we're dating..."

.

.

.

.

PART 7 

[docboots]

On Medical Judgment

Reading this blog, you may get a distinct idea I might desire anarchy. I do not, I simply wish to alert people to the problems of a broken system. I have had an odd obsession with fixing things for a long while. It seems to be one of the common traits of the decade, the critical eye and mind. While judgment is nothing new, I feel there has been a distinct increase in negative feedback with a sharp decrease in constructive criticism. This leads to this thought being scrutinizing, instead of a compliment. One would think having a critical mind is a good thing, and it is, should it purely be a layer.

Why I decided to ramble on this is thanks to an issue that has plagued me for a long time. I have mentioned ADHD plenty, but I am uncertain I have fully expressed how difficult it is to prove I  have it to the ones pushing out the pills. Not that I could find any to diagnose me as an adult (Was diagnosed as a child just fine. Fling all KINDS of drugs at the kid boots. FLEE from adult boots.)

It is when they use my strengths to try and prove otherwise. School was difficult due to boredom. I would be interested in the material, immensely in a number of cases, but get bored out of my skull from reiterating the same material the thousandth time. So I began to suffer academically from my mind wandering elsewhere, namely the worlds that would eventually be detailed into my fictional landscapes. I would try to explain my issues, but most teachers reacted to me like a simply a rowdy child. The flurry of bullying did not help any. I began to adapt, I learned to spread my attention properly without losing the lecture. Teachers argued with me about it, even if I was minding my own business in the corner You know the types. See you doodling and call on you to prove a point. Problem is that when I proved I was listening I was being a smart ass or..SOmething.

Anyway, the point is how I eventually was able to start getting good grades… Much later on in college. To the point that in Morrison, sure it was a scam school but they still were pushing out the material and tests, was a school I managed to get a 4.0 in. Got a certificate and anything. Least for a period. See, at that same time I was (and am) still in my eternal struggle to be treated, given guidance, something from my ‘medical professionals’ that turned useless. 60 minutes of waiting after my appointment time only to get a ten-minute piece with someone impatient. Even less for someone who ended up pushing some terrible antidepressants on me. Including one that, even though I went there initially asking for help on ADHD… Though admittedly vague since at this point I had plenty of people accuse me of wanting to pop off and sell the medicine on the street. Instead of taking the fucking things for the fact my mind is like having a series of hyper children try to explain you different subjects that fascinate them all at once. It is disjointed, voices overlapping, chaos, madness, and eventually, one of the trains of thoughts get lost in the scuffle.

They instead look towards my records. Claiming ‘Well if how did you do so well in school if you had ADHD?’ Well, though I was certain I explained this (as well as you can with a medical ‘professional’ rushing you, having you take these written tests and then saying they tell her as much as looking at them through mud) it wasn’t easy. In fact, I wasn’t all that great at first. There was a period where I was fine and dandy… ish. That period I was on Dexedrine (hilariously, the one they will only give to children) before being shuffled through medications that you do ‘better’ but instead made me claustrophobic even in open fields. The academic achievement award I put on my wall isn’t up there because I consider it a trophy in standard academia, especially given the scam college that gave it to me, but as a milestone.

Even as doctors would refuse to diagnose, treat, or even give much guidance towards controlling my ADHD… I managed to get one of those. It had involved week after week of swollen limbs and organs. The stress of college does horrid things to HAE. Especially when stressing over affording your pot, and having to deal with that nightmare pre-legalization (in my state.) and more all culminate in one lovely festering stress god. Controlling your life through your blood, keeping you from going or doing certain things at the flick of the wrist. ONe moment you can plan to go for a 3-mile hike, the day comes and you have to cancel because apparently, your lower intestines are now the size of a golf ball, along with all the lovely little issues that likes to cause for the next few days.

So, yeah, it was a WEE BIT fucking difficult to do well. Especially with doctors like that trying to use my struggle as the hammer of justice against the drug dealer I am not.

This same rage can be spread so far with me though. Treated like a criminal because I use pot for my difficulties, to the point I have lost jobs or never been hired at all for a drug test because I wouldn’t take the things TRULY ruining my mind and body. To supposedly protect me from this green herb from destroying my mind and body. I haven’t hurt a DAMNED soul in my attempts to get my medicine, barring maybe ranting their ear off for telling me to meet them in a shady parking lot next to a bus station at 1 in the morning, leave me waiting for a few fucking hours to the point I search for them. Only to return to find my window broken into and my e-cigarette missing. My medicine would have been wonderful for the stress that caused, and the swelling that followed.

Against, it is fucking laughable the bad luck I have. Plenty that have had bursts of FAR WORSE luck don’t get me wrong. It just seems like I have dealt with a lot of uniquely weird and infuriating issues that made me feel disgusted, humiliated, hurt, or just... Confused. Most of which leads, of course, to the demon of Hereditary Angioedema barking in my ear. Then instead of some advisement, knowledge, or what have you… More often than not you get treated like part of a grander problem.

Now here is why I am typing this. This is the little cliff-notes bit of knowledge I want to make sure so many know. The thing I want to scream at the world. I just haven’t yet figured out how to do so in a short and sweet manner:

When the world has beaten you down; when it has slammed your cheek and face against the curb and you have the yank yourself up. If you, at any point, attack an innocent party in some way… If done right, don't count venting, passionate ranting… When you begin to treat them as part of a problem they never had anything to do with you have a very high chance of becoming a part of that person’s bad day. A story about their bad life.

I am certain none of the people I rant about were out to get me. They were trying to protect their careers (especially thanks to the deserved scrutiny the prescription business is getting), trying to go on with their lives, trying to assist others, or maybe just a little spacy. I am no better at this than anyone else. I have had days where I am so angry I am a walking demon.

I try to be conscious of it. I try to fix my situations quickly, try to contain my rage and leave it for rants on the internet where I don’t use names. Specifically, because I try not to remember the names of my darkness. It is the good things in my life I like to assign names and labels to. They’ll stay longer in my memory. And, theoretically, the darker elements would stand out so strongly.

I don’t even know if the medicine will be any better than the medical marijuana. Thanks to having to buy from specials, I can’t quite get exactly what I  need. The strains work, I am still figuring out the...er.. ‘Dosage’ if you will. Though the best part is no fear of overdose. Of frying my mind. Of becoming an emotionless rock.

I’ve been through many flavors of hell. Physical, emotional, fictional… I have studied horror for ages and tried to think of every traditional and pop culture monster from multiple angles.

Yet still, nothing terrifies me like the idea of being trapped in my own mind again. Going through the entire process of getting and finding a medicine. After years of hoping and praying, only to instead find yourself everything D.A.R.E warned you about when it comes to the medicine that ACTUALLY helps me. Mind you, I stopped taking it for a period for fear it wouldn’t allow me to properly judge the effects. Minus when an HAE attack happened. Was my ONLY pain relief. As I am sure you may have gathered, I’d be opposed to opioids or any other pain medications that my fry my mind. It might be due to ADHD causing my dopamine productions to be faulty, but marijuana has proven oddly helpful.

Pot never made me feel like I was melting into the couch. My mind still was working on something in the least. On some of those medications? I… ‘heard’ them in my minds eyes. They were murky, in a haze. It was like you were expecting to watch Death Note but got the Netflix version instead, on a staticy channel. On a tv where half the screen is broken because some alcoholic asshole punched it.

I would just sit there. I’d hear the outside world like it was in another room. See it through constant tunnel vision. My thoughts all restrained. I truly and completely felt trapped inside myself. COuld move around otherwise fine, I just had so little energy to do so. Motivation, which already is a concept I struggle with, now seem just... Missing. I wasn’t just lacking it. I suddenly seemed devoid of the piece of me that care or ever felt such things.

The final story I think I’ve mentioned, but I surely will never get over. Two, technically, but they are short and connected. Disability requires a comprehensive packet on your health to be filled out. I, of course, checked it first. Even after explaining in detail and there being plenty of resources, such as official websites, for them to consult... They got EVERYTHING wrong. They even put, under how it affects me, nothing more than ‘When he is not having a flare up, he is a perfectly healthy 20-something male.’ Which, given the packet is about my DISORDER not those brief stints when I am not having a flare up... Not only that, they ignored me entirely and put that the Epi-pens works on me. When not only did they not, they just seemed to make the whole matters a hint worse thanks to suddenly feeling like I had been hit by a bolt of adrenaline.

Maybe this is why the last denial letter I got(what feels like a year ago since I filed for that appeal) claimed that while they recognized me as disabled, I could stand it.

The lot of them are probably why my sanity feels like it is dwindling. It is almost like they are trying to gaslight me. If this is true, all they are managing to do is give me confirmation the lot of them are incompetent and incapable of handling my medical care.

The worst part is all of this seemed to snap something in me. That 4.0 began to gradually drop. Now I am pretty sure I never let myself dip down below 3.0, but still... I stopped caring for that perfection. What was the point? If it was justing going to be used as a tool to cut away my personal achievements... I figured the one piece of paper was enough. I figured I shouldn't try so hard. All it lead to was pain and agony, then judgment for it.

I never seem to keep that thought for long, since here I am. Whining to the internet in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, my words can help pound away the problems in this machine. CLear the rust and stains. Maybe then they'll stop making me feel like such a broken cog.

So… Do you see the problem?

[ilyashrayber]

The Mission

  When I first entered high school, I knew absolutely nothing. No work ethic, no plans, and perhaps most alarming, almost no friends to speak of. I was so young, and yet, it felt like the world was already closing in around me, as if some metaphorical caution tape was already cropping up on things I wanted to do and people I wanted to meet. I had no knowledge of what was around me, and even more so, it felt like I never would. But as you get older, things start to change, and you feel more and more doors open up, one after the other, in a way that could only make sense with the passage of time. If I’m coming off as vague, it is because it’s hard for someone like myself to specify exact moments when you feel validated, satisfied, and as if you’ve broken away from an almost self-imposed mental barrier. But if there was a place that embodied the transition from the timid, smelly, and raggedy boy I was to the slightly less timid, smelly, and raggedy man (by Jewish law) I am today, it would be the Mission District.

I would be remiss to bring up the Mission without addressing the growing, all-encompassing wave of change that is hitting it right now. What used to be a primarily Latinx community comprised of families, artists, and blue collar workers has been all but washed away by white software engineers in search of some strange, exoticized concept of ‘urban grit’ and ‘authenticity’. Where there once were family owned groceries, optometrists, and photo studios, I now see exorbitant pre-fixe menus, ‘organic’ clothing stores, and the occasional (read: extremely common) misuse of local history to sell me something. I am exhausted, and I don’t even live there. Additionally, the privilege of being a cis, white man is something that makes me just at fault when I do not speak up as those who are actively destroying a piece of what makes this city so dynamic. It is a tricky tightrope to walk on, and the best thing people like myself can do is listen, and help when asked, whether that is giving our time, money, or a mix of the two to help preserve the integrity, and magic, of the Mission.

 I remember the first time I ever had a sleepover. It wasn’t with the kid next door to me, or at a birthday party, or even in the first 14 years of my life. Instead, my first sleepover happened in my freshman year of high school. This isn’t super uncommon among children of immigrants, but nonetheless, I felt like I was missing a key piece of the American experience. When it came to mind, before I actually went to one, I had, like most things, romanticized each and every single aspect of a sleepover. I had imagined a world where we would get to the house, only to be greeted by plates of fresh grapes, served to us on priceless marble while enjoying French brut in tall glasses. Instead, we made eggs at midnight and drank Tropicana Orange Peach Mango (henceforth known as ‘OPM’) straight from the carton. In place of sampling liquors from around the world and discussing literature, we downed Kirin Ichiban and talked about girls from our high school we would definitely want to go out with but definitely would have no idea what we would even begin to do if we ever did. Usually crouched down, in the basement, trying to stealthily sip our brew while an adult was upstairs. All this happened in a Victorian on the corner of 27th and Guerrero, a house purchased by my friend’s father for $70,000 right when he got out of the Navy in the 1970’s. It had four bedrooms, an insane kitchen leading out into the backyard, and a circular top floor window, one situated right above the bed of my friend who would always invite me over. It was through this window that I had witnessed car break-ins, smelled the waft of burritos only a couple blocks over, and totally messed with other people trying to get in at the front door. They are good, sacred memories that put a smile on my face when I remember them, both in their quality and the sheer quantity that I have of them.

 The Victorian sat on the cusp of Noe Valley and the Mission, leaning more to the former when you went east and more to the latter when you went west. And boy, did we go west a lot. We would often leave the house at night, with no plan at all, burnt out from playing video games, and simply walk down Mission Street trying to process what it was we were seeing as little baby birds sprouting their wings for the first time. People were out drinking and dancing, the air had a palpable energy to it, and it seemed as if everything was right with the world. It was a sensation I knew I wouldn’t have for a long time, but I wanted it anyway. Street vendors, taquerias, and the only CEX in the city were the main draws, but it was the friendly faces, life experience, and exposure to cultures outside our own that really made us want to stay.

  The stretch of 24th Street that begins on Mission and ends on Potrero is perhaps my favorite dozen or so blocks in the city. It has everything anyone could need, ever. Casa Lucas is the exclusive grocery store I shop at when my folks are out of town and I’m calling the shots, and believe me, it’s worth every penny of the Muni fare I feel disillusioned to pay. The fruits and veggies there taste better than any trustfund soulcycle hayes valley bullshit they’re trying to feed you over at Whole Foods, and at a fraction of the price. Plus, they’re the only grocery in the city I’ve found that stocks the very specific kind of kola I’ve become dependant on, imported all the way from Oaxaca. When I say that this kola fucked up my world, I am being modest in the effect it had on me.. I don’t even know the name of it, but I reach for the stuff everytime I’m on 24th because it has that kind of hold on me. Days get brighter, and nights get longer, whenever I feel the sweet, smooth liquid gold pass through me. Anyways. Moving on. Not only does 24th have the most kick-ass grocery in the entire world, they also have maybe the best cheap seafood ever, in the form of Basa Express. Ignore the sign that was made in Microsoft Paint. Appreciate the fact that this is a no frills, what you see is what you get kind of seafood place where you can grab a freshly made California roll for 5 dollars. With ceviche and sashimi being just a little bit more than that, it’s a refreshing change of pace from the recent increase of trendy seafood places with exposed wood and vintage buoys hanging everywhere. There is no exposed wood here. There is no old photo of a ship captain the owner bought on eBay. There is no lengthy description of how the fish lived and died along with a short obituary. It is just good, cheap seafood that you can feel good about eating.

 Walk up and down 24th and you’ll realize the plethora of people and places that feel like hidden gems, but have been there all along. I stand by Humphry Slocombe as the best ice cream in the city, while the vast majority of my friends cry out in support of Mitchell’s, another place that is very good but in no way a competitor to Humphry and his offerings. The classic at Humphry’s is to walk in, have no idea what you want, and then have the young college kids behind the counter begrudgingly ask if you want a sample. That is just the way it works. If I can just be bougie for one second here; they have a Wine & Cheese flavor. And it’s delicious. If this is the hill I die on, so be it. After a nice little ice cream break, I like to peruse the various cultural offerings, in the forms of records and books that 24th has to offer. I always have to walk into Pyramid Records, which, dare I say, is the most finely curated selection of wax in the entire Bay Area. Is there a huge selection? No. Do they have deep discounts and unbeatable prices? Not really. But is there a dude behind the counter who compliments my sneakers everytime I’m there? Yes. There is. For myself, Pyramid has a beautiful mix of international, lounge, and soundtracks on vinyl, which just so happen to be some of my favorite genres in music. It’s all designed in a super clean, minimalist-but-nowhere-near-boring type of aesthetic. I feel like I’m in a music video for a bedroom pop artist when I’m in there, and that’s all I could ever ask for. When talking about literature however, it’s hard to beat Alley Cat, a big bookstore with a gallery and event space in the back. I’ve picked up some of my favorite graphic novels from this spot, and their mystery section makes me feel good. Adobe Books a few blocks up is great too, and it sports a much more intimate setting for falling in love with any number of books, local or not. I’ve seen many a performance inside of Adobe, ranging from Chicana poetry, all the way to a solo performance from the bassist for Real Estate. Great books, great vibe, and it always feels nice to support a place that feels like an institution. For any bookstore, that should be a slam dunk. And it is. Usually directly into my wallet.

  There are tons of other great places on 24th, especially if you’re into just sitting down and having a good time. There’s the OG Philz, a coffee shop with perhaps the comfiest furniture in any cafe, and Haus, half a block down, where I may or may not have a crush on every single female barista that works there. Again, this is unconfirmed. I would really love to recommend Wise Son’s, a jewish deli with an insane breakfast salad, but every since I took edibles right before I ate there and thought I was in 1920s New Orleans, it has been a tough sell. They have a very nice restroom, however, that they’ll let you use if you ask nicely. St. Francis Fountain, a diner nearing the very end of 24th, has the best pancakes in the city. I am sorry but everyone got together and voted on it, and there will be no recount. Whether chocolate chip, banana, or even, dare I say, vegan, these guys are a home run every. Single. Time. It is almost uncanny how good they are, and are the definition of a food that is ‘good for the soul and not so much the love hips.’ Lastly, when you come up on Mission, you’ll no doubt see a line going out the door for the much beloved El Farolito. If you ask me? It’s good, but it’s definitely not my favorite. I try to explain it in terms of ice cream flavors. When you take your kid to go get ice cream, you always start with vanilla. There’s a reason it’s the default, you know? Well rounded, satisfying, and very inoffensive. I feel the exact same about El Farolito. (Cue the thinkpieces attacking me.) It is the vanilla ice cream of taquerias. My favorite, however, is also in fact on 24th, and it goes by the name of Taqueria Guadalajara. More salsa options, less rice, and juicier meat is what drives me to make this almost sacrilegious decision. Plus, there’s never a line. And that in and of itself should be celebrated.

   The Mission is so, so many things. But most of all, it is not mine. And it’s probably not yours, either. I simply play, and for a little bit, worked there. There is so much to celebrate about this neighborhood, and so, so much that we as a city should try to preserve, even if it considered by many to be ground zero for gentrification. Be respectful. Think about your actions. How will this affect others? If you live there, try broadening it to a macro level. How will this affect my community, one that is already going through an incredible amount of change, and the heartbreak that comes with that? What can I do to make things better? Always say thank you, and respect those that came before you. These seem obvious, but it’s easy to forget with everything going on. At the end of the day, I like to hang out in the Mission, and I bet you, the reader, probably do too. So let’s just try and not be complete asshats about what we choose to do in a community that is experiencing an immense shift, both culturally and economically. Let’s just try and be a little better next time we’re there.

[chickennuggetsanddinos]

I don’t normally do these, but...

First and foremost, a disclaimer: I do not mean to offend with what I’m about to rant about. I recognize that some people need to eat specific diets because of health and medical reasons. I also recognize people eat diets for moral reasons, such as those who a vegetarian or vegan. I commend those who do that and envy your restraint and moral fortitude for doing so. You keep doing you. Additionally, I am neither a doctor, nutritionist, or in any way qualified to give advice on health or nutrition. I am merely voicing an opinion from the standpoint of someone trained in empiricism. My problem does not lie with what a person should and shouldn’t eat or why. My problem is with those who put themselves on a specific diet which A) Makes no sense, B) Has no scientific backing for those who do not have specific medical concerns triggered by food, C) touts itself as a “cure” for anything, and D) makes itself out to be something attainable by all people and something you should do because (insert whatever conspiracy theory here about food)

My issue lies with the “Whole 30″ diet. The only reason I have the issue is because when I visited my family for the first time in two years last week, they were preparing to start after I left. Being trained in the scientific method and practicing skepticism, I began to do a little research. I was displeased with what I found. I was even more displeased with the fact that my family believed this would be the magic solution to their health problems and that they did not consult with any trained professionals or do any research looking at the effectiveness of what they were about to do or consider the fact that there could be unwanted ill effects, which seems irresponsible to me.  For those of you who may not know, “Whole 30″ is a strict, elimination diet that promises to “help you put an end to unhealthy cravings and habits, restore a healthy metabolism, heal your digestive tract, and balance your immune system” (https://whole30.com/step-one/) They say: “Think of it as a short-term nutritional reset”. Their language use is very careful; throwing “could”, “might” and “may” when they’re discussing what this diet treats, legally covering their asses so as to not be sued when it, ultimately, doesn’t work. They claim to treat things, such as seasonal allergies, fertility issues, digestive issues, low energy issues, and even mental issues (such as ADHD. Autism, thankfully, is not listed because their lawyers knew better). 

Their page says “ So how do you know if (and how) these foods are affecting you? Strip them from your diet completely. Cut out all the psychologically unhealthy, hormone-unbalancing, gut-disrupting, inflammatory food groups for a full 30 days. Let your body heal and recover from whatever effects those foods may be causing. Push the “reset” button with your metabolism, systemic inflammation, and the downstream effects of the food choices you’ve been making “ which, in and of itself, is not a bad statement. I’m sure that all of us could benefit from cutting out some of the food from our diet. That $.39 cup of instant ramen I have in my pantry is most likely a poor choice for me to eat and it would most likely be better for me to actually eat something like a salad for lunch. But, there are a few barriers to me doing so that I will get to later in this rant, so buckle up and just wait. The basic rules of this diet are as follows (which can all be found at https://whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/): 

You must cut out all:  Sugar, natural or artificial (which means sugar, honey, stevia, maple syrup, sweet’n’low, etc.) Dairy Grains, either in whole or processed form (even oils such as corn) Alcohol, even in cooking (which makes many flavor extracts out as well as they contain alcohol) and ideally tobacco products. Legumes (i.e. peanuts, all beans, all soy products, tempeh, or soy-based additives in foods) Carrageenan (a derivative from seaweed which turns gelatinous when mixed with water), MSG (or it’s other forms), or sulfites Baked goods, junk foods, or treats with “approved” ingredients (meaning you can’t take a muffin and make it using avocado oil and coconut flour. “That’s what got you in trouble in the first place” the website says)

Also, you can’t weigh yourself for the 30 days

However, there are exceptions to these rules, which are as follows: 

You may use Ghee or clarified butter, because the milk fats are no longer present You may have fruit juices, either to drink or cook with You may eat green beans, snow peas, and sugar snap peas, because they are “far more “pod” than “bean,” and green plant matter is generally good for you”(notice again the “generally” so as to cover their asses) You may use all vinegar, except malt vinegar, which contains gluten You may use Coconut aminos as a soy sauce substitute, even if it has “coconut nectar” in the ingredients You may have salt even though table salt contains dextrose (which is sugar) because otherwise the Potassium iodide would oxidize away and leave you without an essential nutrient

People with suspected food allergies benefit from these type of diets, however, the major difference is that you usually cut out one or two at a time, document the results, and then move on based on your data on an allergen elimination diet. Ya know, like the actual entire scientific and empirical process dictates. Do you know why that’s the case? Because, by only messing with one or two variables at a time, you can easily make an association between food X and symptom A. You can more easily demonstrate a functional relationship, causal or correlational. When you mess with more than 2 variables (3 at the most) in one go, you don’t have enough control over what you’re doing to be able to say with any type of certainty that food X (Y, Z, so on) is systematically associated with an abatement of symptom A (and/or B, C, and so on). You have absolutely no way of knowing, using the Whole 30 diet program, if your issue was the grain, the legumes, the dairy, the sugar, or any of the other things you cut out from your diet at the same time. That’s the biggest emphasis I want to make in this section. Since it’s all being removed at the same time, it makes it impossible for you to make an empirically sound claim.  Now, again, do not get me wrong. Those with undiagnosed food-triggered conditions, such as sensitivities or allergies, will most likely see a benefit on this diet. You will also, most likely, lose some weight on this diet, which would most likely benefit many of us as we consume way too many calories and carry some “extra weight” (myself included. I gained 30 pounds in a year because I was in grad school, off and on medications, and had a major life change as far as my activity level went. It was my fault and I’m working on reshaping my life to lose it and go back to a healthy weight. I’m not perfect nor am I claiming to be). However, once the 30 days are over, you are free to go back to eating and drinking as you had before (which most people will because when you deprive yourself of things, you want it more and you will begin to do drastic things to get it. It is a well studied phenomenon and dietitians generally advise against cutting things out like that for weight-loss because of this very fact). So, that means that if you go back to your eating habits pre-30 days, you will 1. most likely not find what you may be allergic or sensitive to unless you reintroduce one food at a time and take data on symptom progression and 2. most likely gain the weight lost right back.  Additionally, I find it hard to see how cutting these specific food types from your diet will have any direct impact on non-food related illnesses and disorders. Perhaps in 10 years, I will eat my words. We only recently discovered that 90% of bodily serotonin is made in the gut by the microbiome, but we’re still not sure how that plays a role in our overall mental health. It’s only a thing we observed. We don’t yet know the role any manipulation of the microbiome might have on the outcome of mental health. Studies are being done as I type, but for now, no claims can be made because we have no evidence. However, Whole 30 claims that their diet can help treat illnesses that, as of now, have absolutely zero connection to food, such as Lupus. In fact, on their site (https://whole30.com/step-one/) they claim “More than 95% of participants lose weight and improve their body composition, without counting or restricting calories. Also commonly reported: consistently high energy levels, improved athletic performance, better sleep, improved focus and mental clarity, and a sunnier disposition. (Yes, more than a few Whole30 graduates said they felt “strangely happy” during and after their program)...Finally, testimonials from thousands of Whole30 participants document the improvement or “cure” of any number of lifestyle-related diseases and conditions.high blood pressure • high cholesterol • type 1 diabetes • type 2 diabetes • asthma • allergies • sinus infections • hives • skin conditions • endometriosis • PCOS • infertility • migraines • depression • bipolar disorder • heartburn • GERD • arthritis • joint pain • ADD • thyroid dysfunction • Lyme disease • fibromyalgia • chronic fatigue • lupus • leaky gut syndrome • Crohn’s • IBS • Celiac disease • diverticulitis • ulcerative colitis”. There are no citations for these claims, no data comparing this to control groups, and they even say that their evidence comes from testimonials. I would like to point out a little saying: The plural of anecdote is not data. You absolutely cannot rely on the stories of others as valid and reliable evidence because there was no control and such things are subject and biased.  Again, not to be misunderstood: Everyone has bias. In fact, I am exhibiting bias right now by typing this. I am biased against diets such as these. But, my bias does at least have some evidence behind it in the form of peer-reviewed, evidence based studies (which Whole 30 lacks, which knocks their credibility out). And, I’m not trying to discredit the stories of those for whom this diet led to an improvement in their health and wellbeing. What I am trying to discredit, though, are the claims that these results will happen for everyone. They are very careful with their language usage, as I pointed out earlier, but reading through still gives the impression that this diet is the magic cure, which it most certainly is not and can never be.  Now, before I end, I’d like to discuss my final point (D): That this diet is neither easy or attainable for everyone, unlike what the site claims.  The site claims that Whole 30 (https://whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/): The diet is not hard (they say fighting cancer is hard, losing a loved one is hard, but cutting out the foods is not hard) The diet does not require planning You don’t have to eat something you don’t want You don’t have the option to have a “slip”, so don’t even think about it It does not require effort.  These are lies. They are bold faced lies and they know it. Let me go ahead and break each of these claims down, show how they are lies, and point out how the statements may also be a toxic mindset.  1. The diet is not hard. That’s utter horseshit. Yes, beating cancer is hard. Yes, losing a loved one is hard. It’s also hard to go to the store, take the time to read the label of EVERYTHING you now have to buy, and it’s hard to actually get some of the ingredients “approved” on this diet, especially if you are A) low income and/or B) live in a food desert. Additionally, making some of the “approved” ingredients is difficult. Do you know how much time it takes to make clarified butter? I do and it’s a lot, especially if it’s your first time and you have literally zero idea what you’re doing. Also, the withdrawal symptoms your body is going to go through on this diet are going to be shit and not everyone has a day or two to feel like ass and then get back on our feet. You don’t want to be irritable, crabby, and shaky at work trying to get your things done. Not everyone can take those couple of days off and then come back right as rain. By saying your diet is not hard, you are making people who have very little options for their food feel like shit because they “should” be eating X, Y, and Z, but they have $50 for the week and 4 people to feed and they can’t justify a $10 bottle of avocado oil. Finally, cooking can be difficult for those who have not grown up in a situation where they were taught to prepare and cook foods or they work such hours that make cooking a daunting task (like those on 3rd shift, or those who work more than 30 hours per week) 2. The diet requires no planning. Again, horseshit. Unless you are able to hold a vast of information in your working and short-term memory such that you do not have to plan for your shopping and your meals each and every day, you must plan for this diet. I watched my sister spend hours researching foods, hours making a list for compliant foods, go to multiple grocery stores to get said foods, and spend a full day prepping for the weeks meals. I should also mention my sister is married, works 12 hours per week (max) and has very little responsibilities outside the house. Imagine how that would work if she held a full-time job outside of her house in addition to homschooling her two children (which she does, but it’s summer vacation where they are now, so she’s not actively doing it), and took more than one class at a time (again, she takes a course per semester at the community college for a degree she has no intention of using to get a job). So, that brings us to a total of about 2-ish days of planning for the following 7 for a family of 4 who has a stay-at-home parent. What about those who don’t have that? By saying this diet requires no planning, you make it seem as though all who are in any position in life can do this with no issues or barriers because it’s so easy.  3. You don’t have to eat something you don’t want. This is the only statement I’ll say is technically true. 

4. You don’t have the option to “slip”, so don’t even think about it. This diet says should you eat something on the non-approved list, you’ve undone everything you’ve been working towards and your 30 days resets. For a diet that’s all about “food freedom”, this seems a bit restrictive to me. Additionally, having the mindest of “I can’t eat this because my diet says not to” or “I can’t eat that because I’ll have to start over” constitutes you punishing yourself for no other reason than someone said so. That’s not a freedom of choice. That’s someone dictating your choices for you.  So, there you go. There’s my rant. Again, I’m not an expert on food and health, but I do have 6 years of training in human and animal behavior, the scientific method, and skepticism. I’m not telling you how to eat, because I’m unqualified to do so and I have a lot of work to do on my diet, personally, so if I were to even give advice, I’d be a hypocrite (which I am unwilling to do). All I want to do is to point out the utter nonsensical nature of this thing and how it can actually be doing more harm than good. Please, if you’re thinking of starting a diet, consult with your doctor and do your research on the effectiveness, benefits, and risks involved. Go into something as serious as your health as informed as you can be so you don’t end up doing any damage or getting yourself sick. That’s all I really want is for people to be happy and healthy. 

[jackblankhsh]

Wise Fool:  Steak Lady, and Strawberry Jelly

Giving advice is a tricky thing.  Does one base recommendations on personal experience, or empirical research? Perhaps a careful amalgamation of the two, but even that balanced approach leaves open the worry of how to tell if advice is actually any good.  Though the most important question is why am I giving advice?

 Ever since high school people have come to me for advice.  Why?  I have no idea.  The best guess I can manage is that many people vent their problems in the form of a question. They aren't actually seeking advice, just asking for it in order to indirectly bring up a particular issue.  The main reason I say that is because most people don't need advice, they need someone to support the idea they already have in mind.  

 See, if you end up in a situation because of the choices you've made it's hard to listen to yourself since whatever dilemma you're facing feels like your fault.  In a bad relationship?  You got yourself in it, so can you really trust your idea how to get out of it?  Of course you can, but it doesn't hurt to have a voice outside your head saying, "Do what you think is right."  

 And yes, there are certainly occasions where folks have personal problems which make it hard for them to trust their own inner Abby (i.e. social anxiety, depression, alcoholism, etc.); however, that's why I said "most people."  Yet, even those genuinely seeking advice aren't looking for someone to tell them what to do.  They're looking for options they can't see because of mental blinders.  

 All that said, I also know I have the reputation of being that person who will say your girlfriend is annoying, your boyfriend is cheating on you, and if your Pops beats you, well, he's gotta sleep sometime, and when he does you wail on him with a bat until he's paralyzed.  Other side of that coin, I rarely take things seriously which means bringing a thin silver thread to many situations:  the upside to chemotherapy is that you'll save money not having to get haircuts {rimshot}.  Hey, sometimes people need a laugh more than advice.  

 As such, it recently came up among friends that I should try my hand at the question-and-answer column.  So here we go.

 #

 "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't..."

-- Erica Jong, How to Save Your Own Life

 Dear Wise Fool,

 Today I was cleaning my apartment (ok really it was more like collecting dishes around the apartment and putting it in the sink to pretend I'm not actually a garbage person). As a reward for not being total garbage, I ate a big steak (yes, that's it because I can't cook much else) and I realized that I am currently a 30 year old single woman living like a 26 year post-college man.  Should I be worried?

 Sincerely,

Steak Lady

 Dear Steak Lady,

 First off, how you clean your apartment is between you and whatever tasty conception of divinity you embrace, whether it be original recipe Jesus, or kaiseki Shinto -- Shinto:  the Asian faith Westerners haven't co-opted (praise Kukulkan).  The point being:  at least make sure there's a path.  To where? Preferably one exit, but try for the bathroom, bed, and/or fridge.  These can serve as game trails for hunting rats if you ever wake up in a maze of your own filth, unable to leave the apartment, feeding on whatever critters live in the clutter as well as the naive deliver personnel who foolishly wander inside.

 Second, hell yeah reward steak.  You should always treat yourself when you accomplish tasks, especially the ones you don't want to do.  Rewards are incentives.  You're more likely to do something again if your brain is under the impression there's some kind of pleasurable cause and effect.  After all, no one would have sex if it felt like getting gut punched... some might, but that's another topic.

 As to your main concern, the real question is are you comfortable with your situation?  So many people try to contort their lives based on the misconception that by a certain point in life a person should be at point {blank}, as if life is lived according to timetables.  If at 30 you're living like a post-college 26 year old man, worry should only exist if you can't pay your bills, the CDC has quarantined your apartment, or the homeless see you on the street and give you change. Life is all about finding a comfortable groove.  Some folks spend their whole existence struggling to achieve that, and many often don't.

 Yet, keep in mind that human existence is incredibly malleable.  The fact you're expressing concerns suggests a worry perhaps there are things this lifestyle is preventing you from doing.  If that's the case then make changes.  I recommend eating that steak with a knife and fork to start.  The barehanded, tooth and claw method of most mid-twenty males is appealing, and saves on dishwashing, but embracing some of civilization's innovations is a good way to start appreciating life from a different angle.  Think of a new routine like a new outfit.  Try it on, and if it doesn't feel right, you can always hang it up in the closet to show people, "See, I wore that once.  Didn't like it.  Who wants a handful of ice cream?"

 Ultimately, I say if you're comfortable then stick with how you're living until it isn't making you happy.  Don't let the apartment get too junky because your surroundings can affect your mood -- cleaning up a bit can provide a sense of accomplishment on otherwise unproductive days.  (I'm speaking from experience on that last bit.)  The truth is life has no settings, certainly nothing permanent.  This may be how you're living now, but in a few years everything might've changed without you even doing a thing.  Just remember, whatever happens, to keep yourself open to possibilities and be as happy as possible... because you'll be dead one day, and your concern on that occasion won't be the dirty dishes on the shelf. Live the way that makes you happy -- no meth, I can't stress that enough -- and if you aren't happy then make changes.

 Respectfully,

Wise Fool

 P.S.  here's a simple bachelor grade recipe to augment that steak:

 Ingredients:

One can Campbell's chicken rice soup.

One jar salsa.

Minute rice.

Shredded cheese of your choice.

Tortillas.

 Directions:

Pour soup into pot.  Refill empty can with minute rice, pour into pot; refill empty can with water, pour into pot.  Bring to boil.  Cover and reduce heat to simmer.  Let sit five minutes.

 Cute steak into strips.  Fry in pan. When nearing desired temperature (i.e. medium rare) add rice and desired amount of salsa to pan.  Stir, heating until bubbling.

 Serve on tortillas with desired amount of cheese sprinkled on top.  Heat of meal will melt the cheese.

 Serves:  1 to make-your-own-ya-want-some.

 #

 Dear Wise Fool,

 My friend wants to know if strawberry jelly is actually a lubricant.

 Sincerely,

Asking for a friend who isn't me

 Dear "Friend" of a Jelly pervert,

 I take all the questions I'm asked with the seriousness of a surgeon about to crack open a child's skull, and scoop out brain cancer.  So when I saw this inquiry I knew better than to assume this might be a strictly sexually inclined question.  

 In that regard the answer is no.  If your "friend" is attempting to lube anything mechanical with strawberry jelly you can safely categorize them using the taxon dim fuck wit.  All their suggestions regarding anything mechanical should henceforth be taken with a pinch of salt, by which I mean blow a pinch of salt in their eye whenever they start spouting dim fuck wit nonsense.  

 However, sexually speaking the question becomes a shade more complicated.  Strawberry jelly can be used as a playful alternative to conventional sex lubes, but if used as such should only be applied externally. Greasy up a dick about to plunge into a hole is not a good idea.  Just because something can safely go in your stomach doesn't mean it can healthily enter other orifices.  Swords are one example.  Speaking of which, if I stabbed you, and started pouring honey in the wound (I hope) you wouldn't think, "Well, at least now I'm full of sweetness."  Obviously you already were full of sweetness otherwise I wouldn't have stabbed you with a maple tap.  But I digress... the point is strawberry jelly isn't meant for internal use. It contains sugar which can foster a variety of infections, and even a minimal amount of stickiness will only be counterproductive.  

 Your "friend" would be better off investigating the myriad varieties of strawberry flavored lubricants designed specifically for sexual purposes.  Like those intended to mitigate the unpleasant flavors stemming from ass to mouth.  Yet, I don't wish to discourage anyone from enjoying experimentation.  For instance, if slathering your lady's vagina with strawberry jelly like a piece of dry toast is the only way you can enjoy eating it then by all means let that jelly loose. ��

 To recap:  is strawberry jelly lubricant?

 Not for anything mechanical you dim fuck wit.  However, it can be a playful addition to external sexy sex sexiness.  

 Hungry for toast,

Wise Fool

 #

 If you, or your friends, or "friends" have any questions they'd like answered, write to honestyisnotcontagious (AT) hotmail.com.  In the subject line please write WISE FOOL: {your alias}, so we don't filter it into trash.  We want to decide if it's trash.  Remember to keep things anonymous.  Also be aware, any advice is just a suggestion.  Ultimately, and for legal reasons, what you do is what you choose to do. Additionally, though your questions will be regarded seriously they will be answered with varying degrees of sarcasm in the interest of humor.