#i have no reason to smile anymore
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(TW: depression, animal illness and death)
as someone who was diagnosed with depression years ago i wouldn't be surprised if my psychiatrist suspected i am depressed again
#i mean i know the symptoms from experience#i've been living a terrible life since 2020#i've been having these symptoms since then#i myself wouldn't be surprised#all i know is that i want help urgently and can't wait to ask her to save me bc god doesn't give a fuck ab me#bc i'm so fucking tired and i'm almost sure this cat will die as well#and i'm tired of my dear cats all dying one after the other#i get scared whenever i hear about cancer or someone saying their cat is sick#i'm so fucking traumatized by these past years of my life#i'm taking four pills every day and it isn't working#i'm still crying and panicking every day bc of my cat#if at least i had smth to distract my mind but no god took away everything that made me smile#the sims my will to write stories my friends my cats!!#i have no reason to smile anymore#hoje o tio morcego não tá de bom humor
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(non gabe related clip)
voted most informative stream on twitch
Source
#im posting this not only to inform#but to implant the idea of gabe in short shorts#thank you in advance to any artists who are receiving this subtle messaging#sorry for the lack of posting. my coworkers are addicted to standing behind me which means i cant edit much#also sorry if the subtitles are a bit weird im using davinci's auto subs#because i really do not have the time to do it by hand anymore#I do go through and fix them a little cause the timing is usually a bit off#perhaps one day people will get bored of standing behind me for no reason#smiles.#non voice post#video
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human(?)formers wavewave teehee. um don't hit readmore if u don't like some RLLY scribbled gorish (‼️) anatomy. nothing rlly detailed, tumblr takes my quality of already low quality art & gargles it with pebbles & rocks so it's not like. terrible but. ( the gore, not my art LOL) but still! hiding it under here just incase! take a peek if u like
tortured genius, literally, LOL -- read in soundwave's monotone
#'they sans undertaled the senator sir.' i whisper into bill clintons ear#hes like a mix up of different bodies kinda and a little bit of him#but he has a big deer skull with what was his stretched flesh burned over & taped onto it for good measure#it also has lil human teeths embedded into the skin but um quality. died so. now theyre just blobs LOL dont even look for them tbh#he has some random duplicates of parts in places they sometimes shouldnt be like multiple spinal columns#but hes missing a heart#ppl seeing shockwave in transformers is like when nosferatu showed up in spongebob to flicker the lights for no reason#meaning it's just the regular ol thing for unbothered king soundwave#just stare up at this giant hulking looming mass of decay and infested rot & smile#as his voicebox soundbox boombox at his neck says in the most deadpan autotuned tone#' shitwave . '#and shockwaves leans over. bugs falling his frayed crevices. and says#' dont be so harsh on yourself shitwave.'#and then they fucking kill each other#and then make out#monster fucker?#nuh uh. monSTAR fucker !!#starscream throws up and megatron thinks abt how he fumbled optimus for this sad miserable life#i dont wanna clog the tags anymore than i already have so ill maybe make a post abt their designs more indepth lates maybe#transformers#humanformers#cw: gore#maccadam#soundwave#shockwave#wavewave#sketch#tf#tf cyberverse#tf earthspark
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every day, Maximus is more beautiful to me than the day before. and today he’s looking like tomorrow
#extraordinarily perfect in advance#like??? i don’t get tired of looking at him#i never see a maximus photo and think… ehh#i never get used to his lovely face#every time i see him i’m like oh!! it’s maximus!!! 🥰🤩😃😍💕😊#and i only get more excited about him as time goes on#you would think by now (years later) the obsession would have faded a little#but no#every day i open this blog and pour out all the new words and thoughts in my heart about him#he’s just!! so perfect!#he has such depth and so does the whole movie#i never run out of things to say about him or it#he’s my muse my constant inspiration#the reason i breathe and live and smile#my love!! i never get my fill of you!#my heart is so full of him I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe#text posts
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No art But bc I just woke up but I am Thinking. And maybe it's my projecting talking, but I don't think Kusuo would ever get married to anyone. Even if Whatever Character You Choose end up dating and falling in love and yadda yadda, I just can't see it ever happening. He already hates marriages, and attention, and I don't see him growing out of that when he gets older. Sure he'd be more mature about it, obviously, but I still think he's a little antisocial at heart.
I just see him always being content with being partners, fiances if they buy him a ring, but I don't think he'd see the point in marriage. If he ever would, it wouldn't be some big ceremony with flowers and cake. It would be just them in their apartment, finalizing it online as they gently hold hands, shoulders touching, and a small smile on Kusuos face .... And a cake.. it's not like he could pass up on the sweets!!
But a traditional marriage is out of the question for sure. I just can't see him really enjoying it.
#saiki k#that is if hed date anyone at all#i do the grinch smile as i motion to the aroace flag#idk my thoughts are complicated#bc on one hand i can see him wanting a partner#but on the other hand . i think his loneliness can be satisted by just. having his friends#he doesnt need to be dating to not be lonely anymore yk#oh god would he want to start a family . p.probably not? i dont think so at least#i dont think hed want to possibly pass on his psychic abilities#his life is lowkey hell bc of them and he knows that#the thing is though hes such a layered character. i can see the reasons why i could for sure be Wrong. how you could explain around it#its so. god hes so interesting
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blame @seeking-elsewhither for this one. it's echo time and i'm having thoughts (tm)
#yeah it's more hfsw bad batcher time. this means suffering on the part of echo#...whose armor design i kind of hate but at the moment i haven't had time to give him a definitive design so we're stuck with this for now#star wars#margin doodles#hfsw#look at my guys#handprinted#okay but i am not going to lie. i have so many thoughts about echo. ESPECIALLY in hfsw#like. you were supposed to die. but you didn't. you were brought back and it was the most painful thing you've ever experienced#and you have to endure months on end of torture practicing the very black arts you were born to fight against#so that the monsters who saved your life can use your knowledge to kill your brothers#and the only thing keeping you from completely giving up is the memory of a supernova smile that grows fainter every day#and then you're finally rescued after an eternity of torment but something is wrong because the person who was supposed to rescue you...#isn't there#and he never will be again#and you'll never see his smile again#(but you could. you could you know. you have that power now. you could bring him back. if you really wanted.#but you could never. you would never forgive yourself for dredging him back up from his well-deserved rest for such a selfish reason.#you'd never forgive yourself for putting him through that pain and white-hot agony just because you miss him. so you don't.)#and you love your new brothers. really you do. and you love your little sister; you love her so much that your wrongly-beating heart aches#and you love what you do; even if it's terrifying and dangerous saving your brothers from a fate worse than death (and you would know)#but... there's a sour knot that throbs in your gut every time your vision snags on your skeleton hand or bony feet#and every time you look in the mirror and see the unnaturally glowing green crackles in your irises#you're not of this world anymore. and you're not sure you'll ever be okay with that.
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how I felt being held back in class by my english teacher, thinking she was gonna yell at me for not doing my homework (like other teachers, mostly my english ones) and then she somehow validates me without meaning to and actually speaks kindly to me?? like I'm sorry what??? I've never had a teacher actually see right through me like that? like, holy shit.. I guess I'm actually gonna like english this year >,<
#karmaajr rambles#also besides thursdays#thursdays i have a different teacher#my year 7 teacher actually#i hate her#lol i hate most my english teachers#in my over a decade worth of schooling#i have likes ONE english teacher (and my english tutor but shes a uni student who tutors for money so im not sure it counts)#well now its two i suppose :“)#tbh its mostly bcuz they think im not applying myself#like im trying i swear#seriously#i am trying#i am#anyways ye ive ended most of my years in skl with my english teacher thinking im a lost hope :D#my best friend was actually surprised (and happy!) that i like our new teacher#she gave me that smile#like the “im rlly proud of you” type smile with adoring eyes and omg#istg the reason i used to crush on her was EXACTLY that#but luckily i dont anymore#anyways i gotta stop talking here#BYE YALL#love you to any moots who actually bother to read this!
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yumeyume 0909 is killing me a lil actually
#songberry#lets forget about me for now; i wish to hear more about you. there are so many things for you to tell me‚ so go aheaad and start#i think alot happened‚ but right now i cant remember them anymore#i cant seem to recall you name. or rather‚ i never knew your name to begin with....#even though i never called for you‚ you were always beside me#then shall i think of a name for you? how about dream? cute‚ huh? now whenever i sleep‚ ill be able to meet you#when i met you‚ i smiled‚ cried‚ became stronger‚ and felt helpless‚ but you granted me as many dreams as i wished#i have finally realised that i was never alone. the reason i was able to walk this far is that you have always been smiling beside me#... this song is rlly meltyland nightmare coded actually. from blue girl pov...#anyway they wont make this his cover song. but itd work so well id cry
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#AND leave your reasoning/arguments behind what you picked in the tags if you have any. this is a very serious topic!!!!#also these are the Official titles of the images to me. like I will reference ''gordon ramsay big hammer'' as a full title#kind of like how that one weird image of a cat from an old painting is just called ''blort cat'' to me#and some of my friends know what I mean when I say ''blort cat''#polls#i know gordon ramsay isn't even like a funny meme topic anymore (kind of like how 2014 or something was the last time#anyone cared about guy fieri in a joking way or etc. or how it was popular to make fun of bendecit cumbperatbs for a while#or etc. etc. These images are NOT about gordon ramsay The Man#theyre more about the Essence. the vibe they portray. If you get it you get it..)#these are two different people with two different energies.. 'big hammer' is stern.. focused.. confident. quietly threatening#'rather large knife' is shorter in stature and less imposing but still smugly wielding his weapon. vibing. a nonchalant smile with a hint#of pain somewhere underneath. Big Hammer is more agile and sprightly but Rather Large Knife could hit harder#and block better with his enormous blade. etc. etc. so on and so forth
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🫀.
#listen who is going to write this fic where#louis suffers from syncope and has and ICD#and basically knows harry and his heart starts acting funny again#and he tries to avoid him even tho Harry is very likeable and pleasant and hot#and louis just can’t stay away because for some reason they happen to be in the same place very often (same dorm? idk something like this)#and Harry doesn’t push him#maybe he dates someone else in between ? idk up to the author#but then a kiss happens? and louis’ heart seems ok with it#so louis gets courage and lets harry stay close and they start something very cautiously#and when they have sex for the first time louis gets soooo excited his heart starts acting funny again and yes he passed out#and harry freaks out A LOT but does the right things and all#and then louis is embarrassed and doesn’t want to speak to harry anymore#but harry spends nights and days around the hospital room#he talks with friendly doctors and nurses (not about louis but just in general bc they see him there all day)#and so nurses and docs tell louis there’s this guy outside#who never asks for louis or anything he just stays there#because he wants louis to tell him what happened and the doc explains there is nothing to be ashamed of#that this guys really seems to care and louis cant spend his life avoiding people and relationships and be alone forever (very brutally)#and he’s just a boy so … lets harry in and harry is sooo insanely smiley but also he tears up because he had been so scared#(he hates get teary in front of louis bc he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of this and louis would probably find it weird)#and he brought Louis flowers (he did everyday)#and they don’t really talk but harry is happy with being there#and louis’ heart seems happy too because his heart starts racing#louis jokes about it being Harry’s fault if his heart is stupid#and harry smile drops and he says his sorry#and Louis reassures him and idk whatelse happens but like they will change their meds at some point and he will be fine lol#who writes it? cause i cant lol
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#vent tag#alright I don’t know why I’m venting on main but if I keep screaming into the void I’ll only fuel my self destructiveness#this is kinda hard to read so uh warnings ahead#tw sh related#so um. I broke the promise I made to myself at 12#I cut all over my wrists. I’ve been cutting for years but told myself I’d never reach the wrists because that would’ve been my breaking poi#well.#I’ve reached it.#I’ve reached the breaking point#I keep pushing through doing everything that’s asked of me and not complaining z#with a smile. because better times are coming and I am the change I need#yadda yadda#try to stay positive because my life can be so great#but then I stay home.#with the source of all of my negativity.#and refuse to elaborate on it to my loved ones. because i already do it too much#and so many things happen to every single one of my friends all the time. so I have no right to talk#because it’s too much. and it only makes people feel all too bad for comfort#but I’m tired.#so much happens to me all the time too#even if it’s not as apparent as it can be#so I cut. and I keep stewing in my self hatred. and I keep shouldering what my parents tell me.#my father has been making it Very hard for me lately. he’s almost always the reason I cut these days#of course it’s not only him but that’s not the point#I keep hurting myself over and over because I can’t keep it together anymore#but I have to. my parents need me#my friends need me#I need myself to do the things I have to do#….friends now.#I have almost nobody.
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||. i remember when he used to smile a lot...
#(ok i'm going to bed i have an early day tomorrow)#(but gosh i just aaaa remember in 2011 when he'd smile a whole lot and be a big baby)#(so cute...)#(he doesn't smile like that anymore...)#(he doesn't have any reason to post!rag/snap)#(esp not in canon when jane dies but i'm still electing to ignore that canon)#( ooc . ) — stories that leap from the page .
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Lol I have totk blocked cuz it started to overwhelm me and so my dash is just covered in block content
#smiles rambles#also this is a good time to ask people to tag things correctly#i have the tags blocked for a reason#and that’s cuz I don’t want to see anymore totk content until it actually comes out#thank you
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Ok becoming an adult is understanding why it's rude to be a housemate who hides from their other housemates and never speaks to them
#idk if she has social anxiety or some other reason why she hides from us. and like i DO get it bc my social anxiety is severe as well#but it's so awkward living with someone who wont speak to u and avoids u and lives in a room directly off the communal room / kitchen 😑#we dont chill in the communal room anymore bc we're worried itll stop her if she wants to leave / use the toilet or something#which has made us less social with each other 😑😑#like we DON'T have to be friends just smile and say hello... dont make me feel terrible bc ive been cooking for ages#and when i finally finish eating and go up to my room you creep out to piss omfg 😭
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it only lasted like 5 pages but I really prefer dustfinger's scars being disfiguring rather than "drawn on with a pencil"
#meggie being like 'looks like you got attacked by godzilla' then 'i didnt mean that' when shes less pissed at him later#i WOULD have accepted that as part of meggie's coming-of-age and learning she needs to not be a bitch about people's appearances#except that everyone else in the series from then on agrees w her that the scars are barely noticeable#boring!!!!#would have been nice for her to be like 'yeah you healed rough (i mean. as well as expected considering you probably had 6 total stitches)#but im growing up out of practical isolation and learning that facial differences dont play a part in whether someone is good or bad:-)'#WHICH!! is a belief i would expect from someone who loves roald dahl and jekyll n hyde which she does#whatever ms funke does have a problem with equating happy endings with being abled and ~looking normal~#resa getting her voice back bc shes good but cockerall getting a limp bc hes bad and darius losing his stutter for some reason#violante's skin clearing up bc people realize shes a sweetheart but balbulus losing a hand when we realize he sucks#and dustfinger's fkcing scars changing in severity depending on whether hes the good guy or bad guy in the scene#bleh#i also headcanon he has p bad nerve damage aint no way basta cut so deeply he looked freshly gored for months afterward#and still has full use of his facial muscles#meggie's like 'never seen anyone that smiles like he does' girl the bottom half of his face is not connected to the top anymore hes trying#also good explanation for why hes always touching his face if he cant fkcing feel it#dustfinger#inkheart#im gonna try so hard to make more inkheart posts i literally feel grief in my heart seeing that person say#they havent thought about it in years#it's my sole responsibility to fix this#says kenna
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Wee ha
#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent#posting this on the 17th of August#So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em#But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself#But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway#This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this#But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end#featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem#I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half#Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore#It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao#I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat#My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so#so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao#He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place#Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit#Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner#Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening.#OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on.#It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything.#Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you
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