#i have no idea if any of this makes any damn sense im just vomiting words here

[fettiowi]

thinking about pink diamond and spinel again imagine you lost your best friend. you lost them because of something youve done. the one person who understood you was hurt and taken away by your family who belittles and constantly mistreats and misunderstand you then your family turns around and makes you a new friend. someone to keep you busy so you dont bother them. this person is very clearly molded after the way that they see you: immature, loud, naive, inconsiderate. they're a personification of everything wrong with how your family treats you. you didnt ask for them. you wanted your friend, not this doll created out of misunderstanding who you are and your desires. you still have some fun with them, but it feels like they set you back. a constant reminder of how your family views you as immature and childish. you wanna show your family you can handle yourself you wanna grow up. you wanna show that you are not that imaginary mirror theyve created for you. you wanna leave that life behind and create the future you truly wanted for yourself. and so, to finally move you, you leave that behind. you put the personifications of the created assumptions about you behind and finally grow and move on except... they were never just a mirror. they were never just an expensive toy to spoil you. they were never just a personification of everything they saw in you. they were their own person. someone with their own thoughts and feelings. someone who never knew any of this. someone who loved and was loyal. someone who then thought you disliked them as a person.someone who then grew into someone who nearly destroyed everything youve loved because of what youve done. but you never knew . you were already gone. you never got to meet them. they never got to meet you.

[zeephyre]

CRITICAL ROLE CAMPAIGN 3 EPISODE 85 SPOILERS

IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO LOSE MY MIND YALL

Where do I even ??? start ???

I haven't been posting c3 as the episodes dropped in...a while actually, like right before they went to the feywild. i have many thoughts and many feelings about so many things that have happened since then and I'll summarise them so I can get to THIS episode.

fearne and ashton - love their shard powers, they're literally royalty and terrifying, and i want them to make-out. i can't wait to see them go full primordial again in a real combat situation.

imogen - save her. literally save her. free her, even. i love everything about the call of ruidus when it comes to imogen on a narrative standpoint, but...God I get so worried that we're gonna lose her. I don't mean she's gonna betray the hells, but...ruidus could take her and then i would simply perish.

laudna - before i really get into wtf went down this episode with her and she who must not be named, i gotta say... im worried. very very worried. however, that fireball was objectively the best shit ever.

fcg - i can't even really remember anything stand out abt fcg except what Sam pulled last night so.

chetney - still the heart of the team, still my baby girl, still my favourite. love him to bits.

orym - i think laudna is going to beat his ass one of these days and im... even more concerned about that after this episode. his nana morri powers are cool as fuck tho... does that make him a warlock now? i know he isn't multi-classing but wouldn't that be cool

ANYWAY WE'RE ON THE FUCKING MOON AND WE GOT MOON LORE AND EVERYTHING WAS SHITTY THEN FUN THEN SHITTY THEN FUN AGAIN THEN REALLY FUCKING SAD THEN IT ALL WENT TO SHIT AGAIN.

the moment imogen reached out to ruidus and matt mentioned that she could sense where other ruidusborn were i fucking knew that otohan was high tailing it in their direction, and i thought they instinctively knew that too but they probably got so distracted.

we were travelling for hours and had a huge fight that almost got them captured (not to be confused with the OTHER two fights that almost got them captured) and I was begging and screaming and crying for them to get a long rest safely hidden away AND THEN THEY SPLIT THE PARTY WITH BARELY ANY SPELL SLOTS OR HIT POINTS AFTER BEING DRAINED FROM ANOTHER BATTLE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM

(Sidenote, the willmaster really opened up the door to the further increase in moral pondering in a certain number of hellians. i do think using the harness is disgusting and hypocritical, but i don't condemn them for it, it just...makes me wanna vomit thinking abt what ludinus did with it. not to mention the HUNGER parallels between laudna and ludinus...its just not good yall. also??? objectively funny that fcg seemed weirded out by the idea of killing the willmaster, not just with the harness but in general, considering how many people they've killed up to this point)

idk if its just the inherent terror that an evil old hot lady can inspire that makes otohan so much more terrifying to me than ludinus. like, objectively, ludinus is a worse threat and could wipe them out EASILY but jesus otohan is like the damn reaper to me. it's the trauma from the laudna, fearne, orym massacre mixed with the underlying little drop from their uthodurn romp that let us know that resurrection spells are NOT working and idk if that got fixed bc of time passing or distance from the leylines but i really did not want to test that shit out in real time

thank...god that sam riegel is a damn genius player, that banishment of fcg and fearne was the ONLY reason fcg survived. and thank GOD FOR KEYLETH BECAUSE WITHOUT THAT CLOUD SPELL BELLS HELLS WOULD BE VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY DEAD RN.

God, "otohan has us. run." is going to haunt me just as much, if not more than the almost tpk. it just...shot me straight back to bassuras and the plan to run that just...immediately fell apart.

god fcg truly could have died there. and fearne would be captured. i know the hells would be too stupid and too brave and too loyal to leave fearne with otohan in their cloud form but can you imagine a world where fcg was gone, fearne was captured and the hells had to switch from recon to rescue... itd be stressful but pretty fun.

thankfully it didn't come to that and some good came from the shit.

ruidus is so beautiful. i was worried they'd end being trapped under ruidus while they explored (not that I wasn't on board with the detours, I wish this wasn't a time sensitive mission), but matt's imagery of the fossilized elven structure and garden made me sad but also happy that we got to see it.

i cannot believe that the stupid plan to shove fearne up a water hole happened AGAIN and it ended up with us FINDING A BACK HOLE TO RUIDUS GOD I LOVE THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS WHEN IS THE NEXT EPISODE MATT YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME. WHERE EVEN ARE THEY??? IS IT EVEN EXANDRIA???? WHAT DO WE DO IF IT IS EXANDRIA??? WHERE DID THIS HOLE EVEN COME FROM???? DOES IT CLOSE AND REOPEN??? IS IT STAGNANT?????? IS IT FUCKING STABLE?!?!?!?!?!

God...we could go back to keyleth and the others and actually invade ruidus without encountering the ruby vanguard. (that's if they're alright because otohan did go out onto the battlefield and we don't know what fhe fuck she did when the illusion fell through)

GOD. IS IT THURSDAY YET??? WE HAVENT EVEN FOUND THE RESISTANCE????

[bullshit-bulltrue]

so like yesterday i woke up feeling like absolute SHIT. like i had a sore throat, a headache, stuffy and runny nose somehow, so my first thought was like. oh damn im gonna tell my dad i want to stay home. when i went to tell him that he told me to just tell my mom so i did, and she said that if i was lying to get out of school she would take away all my electronics (phone, nintendo switch, etc)

she said that if i did stay home she would have me work on all schoolwork i could and she would take away my school chromebook so i wouldnt get distracted (which makes no sense, most my work is on that) and then i went to go take a shower and get dressed. after that i went to go tell her that "hey, i feel a little better now, but i still dont really want to go to school." and she said "well you feel better now, and it would be better if you just went to school so you dont miss outt on anything!" and because im afraid to ever say no to her i sorta just agreed, so i went over to my bathroom again so i could brush my teeth and stuff and i literally THREW UP when i was in the bathroom so i went back to her room to go "hey, i just threw up. were gonna have to not send me to school, i dont want to get anyone sick." and do you want to know what that bitch said??

she said that "well, im still senidng you to school and if you get sick again you can just go to the office and i can pick you up so i can stay home from work!" and do you want to know the worst fucking part?? she wasnt joking. she genuinly thougth it was a good idea to potentially get my other classmates sick just so she could use me to get out of work.

(sorry this is so long im just really. yeah.)

oof- i see your point of staying home from school and she sounds like a fucking dick, man.

i personally hate staying home from school (and haven't so far!) because i don't like being near my family more than i have to, but man, that's gotta be rough.

i hope you're feeling better! drinking peppermint tea helps me with the after effects of vomiting and using cool compresses to reduce nausea (and fever, if you have it) helps!

if i can think of any other tips, i'll send them your way, bro 🤘

[ciaran]

ok ok ok i told myself i was gonna write this so im going to write it even htough its not going to make any sense and i am not actually doing anything and everything sucks. but we live in a shitsuck world so i am gonna write my dumb little thoughts down.

mo du spoilers ahead and discussions of triggering topics

anyway so. the thing abt the last book of mo du which is a v recognisable thing to happen and i Get It as an author like i truly do despite the longest thing ive ever written having been 50k of unhinged word vomit about feeling profoundly isolated from reality. i am the shit king of things that are too complicated and simple and that make no sense and plot is not my strong point as an author and i could not have done better. but i truly believed that priest could. anyway the thing that happened is that the last book was just not good lmao and it was not good for a few very particular reasons that were EASILY rectified by having a team of good alpha readers who are willing to slap you over the head and tell you to make a damn decision.

the thing is that before that mo du IS good and my idea for what should have happened in the last arc WAS SET UP BY THE NARRATIVE! i was not an idiot for thinking that that was what would happen! its just that she refused to go there for two critical reasons

she felt like she wouldnt have enough time to resolve this plot point

she didnt want to introduce a new major trauma before the end

she didnt trust her characters to get through it

she had set up a moral system in which once u commit murder u are irretrievable from The Abyss (as proven by that one dead cop's daughter idr her name but she killed a cop by accident)

that's more than 2 but i am a lit crit bitch not a numbers bitch. moving on.

she WOULD have had time to resolve this plot point if she had simplified her plot by a few threads. that cult shit was not necessary. the fact that the mysterious organization had someone within working to bring about its downfall was a great touch that didnt go far enough. there was a parallel between fan siyuan and fei du that was never fully explored and that was a waste of both their characters.

fei du needed to Go Through Something and he just did not. he needed to suffer a major moral injury in order for that arc to work - he needed to kill his father, or be mindbroken by being submerged in the abyss. the abyss needed to affect him. instead he is untouched which is awful. where are The Horrors of finding yourself at home among monsters! where is the Relief of not needing to mask, and wondering if this might just be better, if its not a little joyous to not care about morality and goodness. where is the Fear and the Self-Hate and the moral conflict between wanting to become your worst self and wanting to slip back into a comfortable orbit. where is the CRISIS OF FAITH!

but that's the thing, she didn't trust luo wenzhou to be able to handle fei du like that. she knows lwz can handle fd when he's being like "im gonna atticwife you shixiong" while clearly being a wet bedraggled catboy but she doesnt know if lwz could handle fd while hes laughing maniacally and trying to decide between killing his father, zhou chunliang, and fan siyuan. not that fd can handle a gun's recoil but that's not the relevant part. she didn't know if lwz could see fd at his worst and still love him but he CAN! he's a little crazy too let him find it kinda hot when fd struts around masterminding complicated criminal plots.

i truly think that showdown should have had lwz as a captive audience so fd experiences terrible feelings. OR fd should have actually HAD TO kill his father, no take-backs, no last minute outs. murder that vegetable. pull the fucking PLUG piglet. he should have to live with patricide even if he's never going to be charged with anything. lwz should have to live with loving a guy who was forced to have blood on his hands. let him have nightmares for the rest of his life about the closure he craved for so long.

but this goes back to priest's issue with MORALITY. the morality of the mo du universe is very clearly slanted into people being either GOOD or BAD and once you cross the line you can NEVER COME BACK. there is no complexity offered to the characters and there SHOULD HAVE BEEN! fan siyuan was a horrible person but what if he felt like he didnt have a choice? what if he was just like fei du and HIS lwz died? u cant tell me that fan siyuan wasnt in love w that one guy whose photo he was trying to see in his last moments. show me the beauty under the rot. what if fei du was pushed over the line? could he still be allowed to have some light? could lwz LET HIM? and i truly think lwz can, it's fd who cant let himself have that. but fd needed some confounding factors in his worldview.

call me a whump lover but i love when theres major trauma at the end of a book but it's still slanting to a happy ending. i like a hint of bitterness, a hint of "it will never be okay but at least we have each other." it's good.

anyway when mac and i were talking about this mac also suggested that fd walking into the abyss could have been very effective as a trust fall, a sign that he KNOWS that lwz will come for him and pull him out and not let him get lost in the evilsauce. and i agree w that being hot but i also have a personal preference for fd having a crisis of faith and lwz having a crisis of faith and both of them realizing in the end that they did choose each other and they still have each other

but priest chickened out of Challenging her Characters at the end and that just meant the whole thing rang soooo hollow. big grief. mz priest i will give u one dollar and my heart if u write an alt ending

get rid of that cult shit, get rid of the moral black and whiteness, let fei du sink into hell and kill his dad and be pulled out and dusted off and loved anyway. forgive some of the people who wandered into it without meaning to. let lang qiao and xiao haiyang kiss. The End

[someonestolemyshoes]

Hi! Have u done any pregnant Hanji and overprotective daddy Levi already?? Yep i think im craving for more domestic levihan family, im sorry 😭

Im a bit new here in the community, and when i read ur works, i fell in love with it already, thank you for existing!!! 💖💖💖

Hello anon! Thank you so much, I’m so glad you enjoyed my other fics :3 Sorry for the very long wait for this one, I've been struggling to find the time/motivation to write lately, but I'm feeling a little better and I figured I'd get to work on some of my prompts. Starting here!!

It ended up a little less domestic and a touch more angsty than I had originally planned, but only for a moment--happy endings all round! 

Warning: this does start off with non-graphic depictions of nausea/vomiting, I hope that doesn't bother you!

Hange had been feeling unwell for days.

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence—Hange tended to wake up feeling nauseous some days, most often when she'd neglected to eat a decent meal the evening before—but this was the fourth morning in a row now, that Hange found herself bent over the toilet bowl in the early hours of the morning, heaving up nothing but acid and empty air. 

She retched until her stomach ached. There was nothing left to bring up, but her gut still rolled unpleasantly and there was a telling tremor under her tongue that warned her it might be best to stay in the bathroom a little while longer. She settled heavily against the wall to catch her breath.

It didn't make any sense. For most of the day, Hange felt fine. A little tired, maybe, but that was only to be expected after spending half the night every night on the bathroom floor. Tonight, no doubt, would follow the uncomfortably familiar routine: Hange would dry-heave a little longer, until the queasiness abated enough for Levi to convince her to come back to bed, and then she would toss and turn, too warm beneath the bed clothes, until she could fall into a restless sleep. She'd wake up feeling a little groggy, a little bleary, unreasonably hungry, but after a coffee and some breakfast she would feel well again. Perfectly normal.

Like clockwork, Levi appeared in the doorway just as Hange had flopped herself back over the toilet. She felt his palm, cool and soft, press against the back of her neck. Hange gathered her hair back from her face with both hands, braced her elbows on the toilet bowl, letting out a groan of discomfort as her stomach twisted, threatened to revolt again. Levi's thumb rubbed soothingly against her neck.

Sure enough, she brought up nothing more, but she gagged plenty, and found herself gasping for breath by the time she leaned back against Levi, aching and exhausted. His lips pressed into her damp hair.

Levi was as silent as always. His touch was pleasant, his presence welcome. Hange needed the hand he offered to pull her to her feet, needed his reassuring grip at her hips as she brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth out. Her quaking knees felt unstable beneath her. 

He lay facing her after they got into bed. Hange was sprawled out atop the covers, shifting restlessly to find the coolest patches on the bed. Levi watched her for a moment, then said, "This isn't normal."

Hange only grumbled.

"You said you'd book an appointment with the doctor."

Hange grumbled again. Levi ticked his tongue and rolled to lie on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Call tomorrow."

"If I didn't know better," Hange said sluggishly, "I'd say you were worried about me."

He scowled and rolled onto his other side, his back to her now.

"No, just sick of waking up at half four every morning to drag you back to bed."

Hange managed a small, wicked snicker, but shuffled across the space between them and pressed an apologetic kiss to the back of his neck.

"Must be dreadful," she said. Her voice sounded raw, hoarse. She buried her nose into his hair and took a long, deep breath. Levi grunted, but reached back and pulled her arm loosely over his hip. He knotted their fingers together loosely.

"Call them, Hange."

Hange gave his fingers a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"I will."

**

Hange prided herself on being a reasonably intelligent person. She had two degrees, was working towards her doctorate, and already had her name on a small handful of peer-reviewed research papers. She spoke multiple languages, read dissertations for fun, kept a (in Levi’s words)��disgustingly realistic human skeleton in a box under the bed for study purposes, and had spent the better part of the last 26 years of her life studying human biology and physiology.  

How she had not predicted that she might be pregnant was almost unfathomable. 

She left the doctors office in a daze with an appointment card and several pamphlets in hand. She had been referred hastily to a midwife and the hospital would soon be sending out a date for an ultrasound—“As soon as possible,” the doctor had said, “since you’re not sure how far along you are.” 

The thing is, Hange had been on the same birth control pill for years now. Forgetful as she may be about many, many things (like eating, and bathing, and washing the dishes and taking out the garbage and and and), Hange was religious in taking that damn pill at the same time every single day. She had never missed it, not even once. Without a regular cycle, Hange had no way of predicting when they had conceived, and the doctor was eager to make sure no essential landmarks in her antenatal care were missed, if they could possibly help it.

The thought had never even crossed her mind. It seemed ridiculous now, in hindsight. The sickness was one thing, but now that she thought about it, there were a whole host of small oddities that Hange could easily attribute to pregnancy. Lethargy, and bloating, heartburn, and she had been peeing more than usual—Hange groaned, and scrubbed her hands over her face. She should have suspected, at least. Should have put the pieces together sooner. 

But, stupid and naive as it may be, she hadn’t thought it possible. Why worry about it, when Hange had taken consistent precautions to avoid it? 

She felt queasy the entire bus ride home. 

It wasn’t that she was against the idea of having children. One day, maybe. When she had finished her doctorate, got herself a steady, well-paid job. When she and Levi had moved out of their tiny, cramped apartment into somewhere bigger, somewhere more suited for a family. 

And god. Levi. 

This was something they’d never really talked about. For his part, Levi never seemed all that interested. He was good with Hange’s nieces and nephews, and Erwin’s son adored him, and he hadn’t showed any express dislike for children, but—well, tolerating other peoples little brats and raising your own are two very different things. 

What if Levi didn’t want the baby? What if he did? Hange wasn’t even sure herself what she wanted to do about the whole situation—what if she didn’t want it? What if, after some reflection, Hange decided now wasn’t a good time? Could they even afford a baby right now? Hange’s money was tied up in her education, while Levi was just making ends meet at the office. They got by well enough with just the two of them, but add in a baby? A whole other person, entirely dependant on them for support? Hange could barely feed and bathe herself, some days, never mind responsibly care for a child. 

By the time the bus pulled up near the house, Hange felt more distressed than ever. Levi, at least, was at work until the evening, so she had a few more hours to herself to mull everything over, but the entire situation made her stomach clench and churn unpleasantly with every new thought. 

The prospect of having a child was terrifying. The prospect of not having this child was nauseating. 

Levi had left the flat in pristine condition when he had left for work, but Hange barely had the energy to feel even a little guilty as she shrugged off her coat and kicked off her shoes, leaving both strewn about the floor. She dumped her bag and made her way sluggishly through to the bedroom. 

Levi had made the bed. The sheet was stretched flat over the mattress, the pillows perfectly fluffed and set against the headboard. Hange’s nightshirt, one of Levi’s old, baggy shirts, too stretched and threadbare for him to wear, had been folded neatly and left on her side of the bed, her slippers lined up smartly with the bed frame. For some reason—hormones, she told herself—her eyes watered, and a lump swelled in her throat. She sniffled pitifully as she stripped off her clothes and pulled on the shirt, clambering into the bed and tugging the sheets until the cocooned around her. 

Hange passed the rest of the day tossing and turning in bed. She tried to nap, but her mind was too restless, occupied with thoughts of the baby, with the concept of having to tell Levi when he came home. She could try to lie, say the doctors had done some blood work, that she was waiting on the results of some test or other, but Levi knew her too well. She could never lie to him, and her despondent state would give her away before she had the chance to say anything. 

The sun was beginning to set by the time she heard Levi’s keys in the door. She felt exhausted, head aching with all the thinking, considering, weighing up her options; with running over every possible outcome she could imagine. Keeping the baby, getting rid of the baby, Levi not wanting the baby, Levi leaving over the baby—every scenario she could imagine was worse than the last. There was only one idea that she had hardly dared entertain, in fear of disappointment if things didn’t work out. 

She heard Levi call out for her, but gave no answer. She listened, curled up in a ball on her side, as he shuffled around, no doubt picking up her coat and shoes from where she had abandoned them. And then he made his way towards the bedroom, steps soft on the plush carpet. The bedroom door creaked open. 

“Hange?” 

She made a small, warbled noise under the bedclothes. Levi came to sit on the bed, the mattress dipping beneath his weight. His hand found the curve of Hange’s hip. 

“How was it?” 

Hange made another noncommittal sound. She wiped her nose and eyes on the sheets, but didn’t dare show her face just yet. She wasn’t ready. She had never prepared for this conversation, never even imagined it before today. It was too soon. Not enough time to rehearse. 

Levi’s hand moved to her back, rubbing lightly up and down her spine, before dropping to the mattress behind her. He leaned over her, and she felt his lips press warm and gentle to the point of her shoulder. A fresh wave of tears poured over the bridge of her nose and down the side of her face. 

She tried to be quiet, but something—the shake of her shoulder, perhaps, or the shudder of air as she tried to take a steadying breath in—gave way to her crying. Levi moved off the bed, but Hange felt his fingers prying lightly at the sheets, pulling them down until he could get a good look at her face. He was kneeling by the bed now, face level with her, and he looked at her with worry pinching deep creases between his brows. 

“Oi, what’d they say?” 

Hange bit the inside of her lip and rubbed her damp cheek on the pillow. If Levi was bothered by her using their bedding as a tissue, he didn’t show it. He simply looked at her, eyes darting over her face, searching. It occurred to Hange then how this must look to him. She had gone to the doctors due to unexplained, violent sickness, and now she is in bed, hours later, still crying about whatever news she had received. 

“I’m fine,” she said. Levi’s tense shoulders relaxed a fraction, but his face remained pinched, frowning and concerned. Hange wanted to tell him quickly, simply, like ripping off a plaster, but the words would not come. She opened her mouth, but her throat constricted painfully. 

Eventually, she said, “my bag. There’s some stuff in my bag. Have a look.” 

Levi gave her a somewhat quizzical look, but stood, dropping a quick kiss to her temple before going to fetch the bag, and dipping his hand in to fish out the contents inside. 

Hange watched with her breath held and her stomach clenched as Levi pulled out the handful of leaflets and turned them over, looking at each one in turn. His eyes widened fractionally as comprehension dawned on him. His lips pressed into a thin line. Leaden weight settled in Hange’s gut. She curled into a tighter ball, pressing the bedsheets over her mouth and nose, waiting for him to gather himself enough to say something. 

After a moment, he spoke. 

“That’s all?” 

Huh? “Huh?!” 

Hange disentangled her arms from the sheets and sat up, staring at him. Levi moved to sit on the edge of the bed again, a scowl back on his face, though there was an intriguing flush high on his cheeks as he whacked her lightly on the top of the head with the leaflets. 

“Stupid four-eyes,” he said, exasperated. “Crying like that. I thought you were dying.”  

“I’m pregnant.” Hange said the word slowly, carefully, in case Levi had somehow misunderstood. He had the audacity to look at her like she was stupid.

“I can see that.” 

“And you have nothing more to say about it? That’s all?” 

Levi shrugged a little at her. Aside from the small patches of colour in his cheeks, Levi seemed wholly unfazed by the revelation. 

“It’s just a baby. We can handle a baby.” 

“That doesn’t terrify you?” 

Levi scrutinised her for a moment, before he said, “are you scared?” 

“Yes? Yes! How are you so calm? We can’t afford a baby—we don’t have the time for a baby? Where will they going to sleep? We don’t have a spare room. Can we get time off work to take care of a baby? How will we pay for childcare when we can’t be around?” 

“Hange,” Levi said, putting a stop to her rambling. He watched her with a pinched stare. “Do you not want it?” 

Hange had spent the majority of the day mulling over this same question. Staring a family was a huge, life-changing commitment, something that required  careful forethought and planning. They had not had that luxury. Hange was pregnant now. She had doubts and fears, more than she could ever express, but the idea of simply having a baby—of having this baby—wasn’t upsetting. In the small, brief moments she had allowed herself to imagine a future where she and Levi were parents, where they weren’t wanting for money or time, where things were well, she felt happy. Giddy. The prospect was almost exciting. 

“It’s not that,” Hange said earnestly. “I do—I’ve been thinking about it all day, and I—I do want it. But I just—we had no time to prepare. We have no savings, we have no space, I’m a mess. How are we supposed to take care of a tiny person? Babies are hard work, Levi.”

“You’re already hard work.” 

Hange laughed weakly, and wiped at her face again. Levi pressed a kiss to her raw cheek. 

“We’ll figure it out,” he said.

Hange leaned into him, sighing quietly. 

“Is this the kind of thing we can just figure out?” 

Levi hummed, shrugging his shoulder. His fingers skimmed up beneath Hange’s shirt, splaying over the small of her back and pulling her closer. 

“Why not? We’ve done a good job bullshitting our way through everything else.”  

Hange laughed lightly and bumped the side of her head against Levi’s.  

“This is different, Levi. This is a person. A tiny little person who is going to need me and you to do everything for them. What if we can’t do it? What if we mess up?” 

“Hange.” Levi pulled back a little and his hands came up to grip either side of her face, forcing her to look at him. “Stop. I know all that. But if you want the brat, and I want the brat, we’ve got no choice but to get on with it.” 

“I know, I know, but—wait, you want the baby?” 

Levi maintained eye contact with her, but it seemed to take a concentrated effort to do so. The flush of his cheeks deepened a little and his lips quirked at the corners. No doubt to compensate for the show of emotion, he pulled his face into his customary frown. 

“It’s fine,” he said. Hange fought the urge to roll her eyes and caught his hands as he lowered them from her face, pulling them into her lap. 

“Are you saying that because it’s already too late, or do you want to keep it?” 

Levi’s face took on a look of constipated strain. He curled his lip as though in distaste, then hooked a hand around the back of Hange’s neck and pulled her face to his abruptly, smacking a kiss to her lips. He let his forehead settle against hers and stroked his thumb over the hinge of her jaw. 

He fought to keep his tone neutral, but Hange could hear the happy tremor in his voice as he said again, “It’s fine.”

For the first time since hearing the news that day, Hange allowed herself to feel excited. To accept the idea that she and Levi were about to start their own bizarre little family. That Levi was still with her felt incredible enough, but to know that he was pleased—it was more than she could ever have hoped for. Hange gave a wet laugh and kissed him again. 

“Are you allergic to looking happy?” Hange asked as they broke apart. Levi clicked his tongue and pulled back to flick her square between the eyebrows. She laughed a little louder and leaned to wipe her runny nose on his shoulder. Levi muttered under his breath, but didn’t push her away.  

“Okay,” Hange said, after a moment. She sat back and pushed her hair back from her face. “Okay. We’re having a baby, then.” 

Levi’s rubbed the smile from his lips with the back of his hand, nodding. “We’re having a baby.” 

Hange sunk down to flop back over the pillows. Levi looked down at her, head tilted, chewing the inside of his lip. Hange reached up to brush his fringe off his forehead, warmth spilling in her chest when he held her hand close and turned to kiss her palm. 

She smiled a little playfully, and freed a leg from the sheets to dig her toes into his ribs. 

“If I’d known you wanted kids I would have been significantly less stressed, you know.” 

Levi quirked a brow at her. 

“I’ve told you that before.” 

“No, you haven’t.” 

“I have. At your sisters wedding.” 

Hange racked her brain, searching for the conversation. She remembered the occasion, and she remembered that she and Levi had somehow ended up babysitting Hange’s family brood. She remembered Levi, wrestling to keep her youngest nephew on his lap while the eldest, still only five or six at the time, was clambering up the back of his chair, sticky hands tugging at Levi’s collar. Hange fought hard to recall more of what was said, but could remember nothing at all of Levi announcing that he had wanted one of his own. 

“You said these brats aren’t so bad,” Hange said slowly. 

Levi nodded at her. Hange waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t, only looked at her like there was nothing more he needed to say. 

“That’s it? That’s your idea of telling me you want kids?” 

“The hell else could I have meant?” 

Hange dug her toe at him again but Levi caught her foot this time, pushing it firmly down onto the mattress. Hange reached for him with both arms instead, curling them around the back of his neck and tugging him down quickly. He toppled over her with a quiet oof, and Hange rolled them quickly, straddling his waist and dropping her weight down onto him. 

“That is the kind of thing you say clearly, Levi! These brats aren’t so bad—you’re ridiculous!” 

Levi wrestled with her arms a little longer before giving up and bringing his hands instead to rest low on her hips. He watched her with a curious expression on his face, something open and soft, and then his eyes roved down to her abdomen and his thumbs brushed inwards, beneath the hem of her shirt, stroking over her lower belly. 

This time, he didn’t fight his smile. 

He reached up and pulled her down by the neck, and kissed her soundly. Hange melted against him, welcomed the press of his tongue between her lips, shuddered pleasantly when he nipped at her bottom lip. She went with him willingly as he rolled them both over, nudging a knee between her legs and settling his weight against her. 

She was spreading her legs to make space for him, when he paused suddenly, and pulled back, leaning over the bed and scooping through the discarded back of leaflets. Hange, winded and dishevelled, watched him incredulously as he flicked through the contents of one, then tossed it aside and opened another. 

“What are you doing?” 

Without looking up, Levi replied, “Checking.” 

“Checking what?” 

“I wanna know if we can still—” he waved a hand between them, and went back to searching. 

“We’ve been—” Hange mimicked his gesture, “—up until now anyway.” 

Levi looked up at her, looking mildly horrified. He held up one his open leaflet and said, “You’ve been drinking alcohol, too. You’re not supposed to do that. And look, here—you’re not supposed to overwork. You’ll have to take on less hours at the university. And you’ll eat. Proper damn meals. Every day.” 

Hange flopped back against the pillows, eyes rolling, watching as Levi picked up each new leaflet in turn, pointing out every little adjustment that Hange would have to make. 

“This one says you should get eight to ten hours sleep per night. Every night. And not so much coffee, the caffeine’s bad for the baby.” 

The baby. It sounded surreal. It sounded ridiculous. Levi shifted to sit against the headboard beside her after opening the chunky little What to Expect While Expecting volume Hange had been handed while leaving the doctors. He seemed thoroughly engrossed, and seemingly unaware when one of his hands reached out to pull Hange’s hair free of its ponytail and sink into her hair. She hummed happily as his nails scraped over her scalp. 

Things were still scary, and Hange was still uncertain about how this whole adventure might turn out. But Levi was still with her, and Levi was happy, and that—

—Well, that was good enough. 

[heyjude19-writing]

hey jude! did you take any creative writing classes before you started to write RN? Do you have any recommendation of possible things you did to improve your writing enough to give you the courage to start writing the story that was in your head for 10 years?

Hey anon! I’m gonna write you a big, long thing because i fucking love talking about writing. Ready? Okay!

Without getting too specific, i do edit/write for my day job, so i’ve taken many a writing course throughout my education/life which helped me with the basics, but it’s been quite some time since ive taken any formal classes. As far as creative writing, that was always my hobby. Sitting down and writing RN after a damn decade was less about feeling like i had improved enough to get it out and more of a mental health thing. My anxiety said “god, just write it already, it’ll help” and then the pandemic said “god, just share it, not many people will read it and you’ll feel better” and here we are.

What’s helped me improve since and kept me going:

Writing more. I’m no longer holding myself back from writing down any and every idea that comes to mind, whether it be for fanfic or original writing. None of these ideas even have to go anywhere, i’ve just allowed myself to enjoy the act of writing and it’s helped me immensely. Sometimes I revisit these little pieces and read them again for fun, or add a bit more, or go incorporate them into something larger I’m working on. Not all writing has to be productive! But I firmly believe it does help you grow the more you do it. 

Challenging myself. I’ll stress that when i say this, i mean i am challenging myself in a fun way, not in a “let’s make this as frustrating as possible” way. Experimenting with story length is one thing I love as a writer. Drabbles and ficlets are wonderful ways to work on specific skills, because you are so limited by the word count. This type of quick-bite writing forced me to remove dialogue tags i’d normally use, delete most adverbs, get rid of unnecessary qualifiers like “very” and “just” to save space for the actual story. 

Genre experimentation. I recently wrote my first horror fic and i’m quite proud of it. It made me realize how much i enjoyed writing in that arena and might be something i look to do for original work. It forced me to take familiar characters i was so used to writing one way and draw out different facets of their personalities to make sense for a darker plot. If you are ever at all tempted to try a different story genre, just go for it. I learned a lot about my own craft while doing this. 

Read more. I’m sure you’ve seen this a lot as far as writing advice goes, but i promise it’s true. To use my horror example again, I was reading a novel where wings burst out of a character’s back and it was a real mindfuck moment as a reader and then my mind just spiraled with inspiration for my own stuff from there. You might come across a phrase or a style of prose that grabs you by the throat and then holds your brain hostage. There are so many ways to tell the same story, and reading more will expose you to all these differences. It lets you find out what’s not for you (ex. writing from a ton of different povs in one story is not for me) and what you’d want to try out for yourself (ex. Im itching to eventually write a first-person pov).

Another recommendation if we’re talking about longer form stories (and i feel like i give this advice a lot): find out what kind of outliner you are. I LOVE the outline process. It’s my chance to word-vomit all over a fresh word doc any and every idea that comes to mind for the plot, the characters, scenes, dialogue snippets, etc. I love to bullet point scenes, sketch out some important character moments. None of this involves finesse, or craft, it’s all the ideas phase and it’s when I feel my most creative. Once i’ve got a story fully outlined, I go back and actually write out all these scenes (not necessarily in order, i’m not one who needs to write chronologically). Other writers I know just start from their first sentence and go from there, not allowing themselves to jump ahead. Find out which way works for you, because you’re the one who will need to read all of it over and spend so much time with it. Outlining makes me EXCITED about stories and helps pump me up to write and share them.

Talking with other writers. It was hard when I first posted RN and didnt know anyone in the community. But by putting myself out there it led to conversations and friendships with other writers. It’s a resource i’m incredibly grateful for, to have people just as nerdy as i am about writing, trading tips or asking for advice/encouragement or just to double-check im not insane and actually did use the word “belie” correctly. It can be intimidating, but if you havent already and are comfortable, check out some online writing groups/discords. 

Don’t feel like you have to follow every “writing rule.” It’s so easy to get bogged down in “you’re supposed to write THIS way” and you find yourself looking at a paragraph of soulless words that while technically correct, don’t say very much at all. I personally find it intimidating to try and improve all the things at once and it makes me hate the process. I’ve found concentrating on one aspect for improvement makes me feel like im growing without overwhelming myself. For example, i made a conscious effort in a recent story to not rely on adverbs so much, and when a reader noticed this in a comment, I was fucking elated. 

Okay and now to get a little pollyanna for a second. It does take courage to share your work on a public platform and open it up for public consumption/opinion. Your writing won’t be for everyone, but it is yours. You will spend the most time with it (in your head and on paper/screen) so it helps if you like it. What really matters, i promise, is that you like your own writing. 

I hope you found this helpful and good luck with your writing! My ask box is always open 💕💕

[howisavedtheworld]

i got you | matsukawa issei

genre: fluffy 2 the max, fem!reader x frat guy!mattsun (but not like the annoying disgusting frat guys LFSJDFJS) college!au  

warnings: alcohol/drinking, drunk ass reader sfsjdfsd, its really up to you if its underage LOL 

a/n: matsukawa is the love of my life. i know he would take good care of his gf if she was drunk as hell. im undecided if i like how this came out but im posting anyways! ty for reading :D

wc: 1.4k (crazy bc i wanted it to be less than 1k lol oops)

you are not a disaster drunk. 

at least, that is what you’d known to be true in all your years of alcohol consumption. oftentimes, you were the assigned mother of the group when your friends spent a night downing shots in a sleazy bar. you’d held back hair and kept a colossal number of heads from falling into public toilet seats when their escapades turned left. 

it wasn’t like you quite minded either. 

you figured it was better to be the safe haven than the one needing saving.

matsukawa issei, on the other hand, is a downright disaster drunk. 

every time he passes his limit, which he often does, he loses most of his motor functions, and becomes heavily reliant on anybody willing. every word he does manage to get out is followed by a hiccup. then a burp. and finally, a foreshadowing gag. 

you’d seen it before, and frequently had to drag his disorderly six foot frame to bed after he hurled into your toilet. 

you knew what you were signing up for. 

after all, you’d met him at his very own frat party. 

he’d been drunk enough to spill an entire white claw on you and promptly begged to make it up to you with your favorite drink of all time. you had to explain to him that it wasn’t an alcoholic beverage, but he still insisted on treating you anyways. 

eventually, he became your boyfriend and you adored him despite his inability to drink in moderation. 

the only thing that you found semi-endearing about his inebriation was the fact that he forgets that the two of you are separate beings. instead, he clings to you like duct tape, his burly arms clutching your waist and head lolling back and forth between your shoulder and neck affectionately. 

he especially likes to speak when drunk, slurring and whining things along the lines of: 

“you are so pretty, you do know that, right?”

“how did i get so damn lucky?” 

“you’re the best girlfriend ever.” 

a sliver of you considers that he says these things purely out of intoxication, but you like to believe a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. 

you never brought these moments back up to issei in fear of his dismissal of them. instead, you cherish them secretly, stroking his curls while he lays with his head in your chest when the night finally ends. 

you continue to indulge these whimsical scenarios in which he actually does mean the things he says, and it works for a while. the little untold truth feels harmless. 

it isn’t until the roles were reversed that you find yourself in a frenzy. 

hanamaki, issei’s best friend from high school and another member of his frat, decides to throw a party for his 21st birthday. that meant booze was oozing from every corner of the enormous communal house, and sweaty bodies were scattered around every inch. 

issei had told you prior to the party that he actually wasn’t going to drink, explaining that he was still recovering from the previous night in which he and hanamaki drank a dangerous amount that left him vomiting for hours. 

“this night,” he exclaimed earlier that day with a foolish grin. “this night is yours, babe.”

you’d had a stressful week anyways, and figured you might as well take advantage of the free alcohol.

it had been a while since you’d drank. naturally, you’d forgotten the importance of pacing. 

though the shots initially burned in the back of your throat, everything you downed started to taste more and more like water and the space around you felt less and less tangible. you were sure mattsun had been at your side all night, but time blurred to a point where you knew little of what was truly going on.   

unsure of how much you drank, your eyes eventually opened to see you were slumped against issei’s broad shoulders with your legs wrapped around his waist. 

“i cant believe it, babe.” a strong hand rubbed circles into your back as he hiked you up the stairs leading to his apartment. “i thought you only drank a few shots, but next thing i knew you were just gone. look how the tables turned, am i right?”

he let out a soft chuckle, finally reaching the door of his room. your head was spinning rapidly, and you groaned, trying to move back to make sense of the space around you.

he lets out a curious hum, but a hand moves to keep your head in place. 

“no can do, babe.” the sound of a key jingling and door shifting lets you know you’ve finally made it back. “i’m glad you’re up, but if you move too quickly, you might vomit. i got you.”

you let out a whine, but your head drops back into the dip of issei’s shoulder. 

how had you gotten this fucked up? 

again, you didn’t mind taking care of him or any of your other friends, understanding the nature of college, but to be on the receiving end meant to endure your self-inflicted humiliation. 

“alright, let’s get you some water. oh wait—no, i might have some gatorade left in the fridge.” he mumbles to himself, navigating around the kitchen island.

your eyes fluttered, far too heavy to open, and your body focused instead on processing the sounds around you. 

the fridge opening. 

a soft tsk. 

tap water flowing.

the soft pad of his feet.

a door opening. 

he had finally softly situated you (or at least tried to) in his bed, but a heavy pang ravaged your skull from the change in position, forcing you to loudly groan. 

issei hummed knowingly, and his hand quickly moved to support the back of your head.

“here, baby. here. can you drink this for me?” he coaxed. 

your eyes blinked open to see him holding a glass of water closely to your face, straw dangling in front of your lips. 

you complied, hoping the water would make your insufferable headache dissipate. 

“that’s it, thank you. drink it all if you can. if you want more, i’ll get you more.”

you do finish the glass, and your head falls back into the hand behind it.

you’re too ashamed to look at him, but you feel his eyes on you.

the empty glass against the table.

his soft breathing. 

“you feeling okay, baby? do you think you wanna throw up?”

you shake your head carefully, fearing too much movement would trigger another session of heavy pulsating. 

“okay, baby. i’m here. whatever you need.”

his hand behind your head tenderly found its way to your scalp, softly massaging the skin. 

you had no idea, but you were letting out appreciative sighs. 

“that feels nice, babe? okay, i’ll keep going then.” 

you finally got enough of a grip on yourself to glance up at him. 

he was staring down at you lovingly, lips turned upward in an unabashed smile. 

there was no hint of the shame or disappointment you feared he would have towards you. actually, the only thing you could sense from him was love. 

“i-issei.” you managed to whisper. 

“yeah?” he softly spoke, looking at you expectantly.

“i’m sorry.” 

he shakes his head in disbelief, immediately moving to sit in front of you. 

“sorry for what? for having a stressful week? being a college student?” he let out an exasperated laugh, fingers still rubbing your scalp.

“you don’t have to apologize to me. how many times have you done this for me? you’re my girlfriend. i’ll always take care of you, you know? i’m lucky i even have you. sometimes i don’t even believe it.” he murmured.

“that i got you. the kindest, most beautiful girl in this world. that you gave me, some random guy in a frat your time of day. i’m always shocked. thank you for choosing me.” 

your body froze at the impromptu confession, and your feelings of chagrin and fear dissolved into nothingness. 

it was evident that issei loved you, that his drunk words didn’t even compare to his sober ones.  

“i love you.” you weakly whispered back.

he leaned in to press a light kiss to your forehead. 

“i love you, too. you know i got you, babe.” he said, smiling. “forever.”

[philosophicalparadox]

Dark Headcannons for the Demon Bois, part 2.a : Physiological Adaptations and Defense Mechanisms (physical)

I continue this ideology with more horror HC's (kind of) detailing some of the physiology and physical defenses of our boys - HOWEVER there is quite a bit of science invested in this particular post, so there's a little explaining to do first.

Note: I have removed Iblis from the list for the next few rounds because we really dont know anything about her, and I've also removed Egyn because I have zero idea what kind of adaptations he has since no one's ever seen his body. Azazel is floating in kind of the same boat. We seen his clones, but not him, and we have only really seen two of his kin - from that alone its hard to tell. We haven't even seen Beelzebub except in Gehenna, and for all we know they are stuck there. Im basing all this off hypothetical and mythological sources as well as my knowledge of animal and human anatomy.

Onward!

But first! (Yep, scientific Exposition Time Baby! I promise it won't be long) Something that strikes me odd is that all demons seem to be stronger physically than their non possessed counterparts, and so for the sake of not repeating myself where unessessary, we will assume this is due to increased muscular density, as a default which is the same thing that allows much smaller primates to be much stronger than ourselves.

However, be aware that there are MANY factors that influence physical strength alone - efficiency of respiration, bodily waste management (aka, kidney and liver function) and efficiency of metabolic processes (digestive system, pancreas, and again liver). I'll touch on all these things in their own right, but just to let you know, everything is interconnected.

Onward!

Samael

Is, in everyday scenarios, about 7x stronger than the average human. In times of high adrenaline that can shoot up to 10, due to possessing a unique respiratory system, detailed below.

Samael has a physique designed to be an ambush predator, with a body that puts nothing to waste, but he is also built for bursts of speed and agility, both skills vital for his hunting strategy type, detailed in part one, to be effective. Standing out in a crowd may lull prey into a false sense of security, but it also draws a lot of attention from competitors, as well as parasitic predators like Chuchi and Coltars.

Samael is a demon often depicted with avian wings, and for his body to put out the strength it does and be able to at least glide requires an avian-modeled respiratory system. In other words he breathes with lungs, but has additional air sacs in his chest and abdomen to draw as much oxygen from the air as possible. For a demon optimized for bursts of speed and high agility, being able to metabolize large amounts of oxygen very quickly is vital.

More vital still though is having the kidneys and liver to be able to handle it. I suspect he would have a lobed liver akin to a rabbit, and kidneys much like a cat. Technically speaking, if he eats right, he never actually has to drink any water. His kidneys are that efficient.

Now onto the fun one: bones. High density muscles put out huge forces on the bones they are attached to. There are two ways to fix that: make the bone harder and denser, or make the bone softer and flexible with cartilage. Samael does the former. The most efficient way to have denser bones without adding weight is to make them hollow, at the sacrifice of not having much bone marrow. This works out perfectly though, since to metabolize high rates of oxygen you need specialized red blood cells with lots and lots of hemoglobin, and hollow bones allow for the production of just enough of these cells.

Now that the basics are out of the way, Samael has some other unique adaptations, including a ratcheted tendon system in his forearms, like those found in raptors. This gives him a virtually unbreakable, iron-strong grip from which escape is virtually impossible. Combine that with talon-like claws and long fingers that can really dig in, and you're screwed from the word "go".

Making that escape even more impossible is his highly flexible joints, which make twisting out of his grasp before he has a chance to bite damn near unheard of. Remember, it only takes one bite to kill. If he catches you, you're dead already.

As far as defensive abilities go, Samael hasn't got any besides evasion. So much of his body is devoted to being a specialist that there isnt any room for special physical defenses - in fact his hollow bones, while very good at handling internal stresses, are no less brittle than a birds when it comes to some external forces. A sledgehammer to the side of his thigh (impact) would absolutely shatter his femur bone, though he can land on his feet from a great height (compression) and barely bruise.

Lucifer

Is maybe 5x stronger than the average human, on a really good day. He has a bit of muscle, but he is a magic user, not a berserker. On his bad days he can dip below a 1.

Physically he isn't too different from a human mostly, other than having an ultra efficient heart and lungs that are 20% larger to compensate for his increased muscle density.

Except that he has very strange cells. To all appearance his body is mostly human, but one look under the microscope would tell you instantly that something is odd about this duck, because his cells have tiny crystals in them. These crystals are of unknown composition, but they are thought to assist with fluorescence, or the production of the stuff mentioned below.

Also odd about his cells is that they're filled with an almost cellulose like substance instead of normal cytoplasm. Its a bit denser and is THE most heat resistant organic substance on earth. It also makes his cells completely immune to all forms of radiation - this boy could literally survive a nuclear explosion as long as he was in a shelter where he couldn't be impacted by debris or the shockwave. Heat and radiation from it would be like a sunburn at worst.

However, he is not fireproof. While this substance is resistant to heat, it is not resistant to oxidation, so it WILL burn. Not well, and not fast, but it will burn.

Which leads me to the fact that he has some very unique organelles. Multiple types of mitochondria, Golgi bodies and ribosomes help manufacture the weirdness.

Part of that weirdness is of unknown deadliness though. When fully charged up, the light he emits contains dangerous wavelengths, and further study has yet to be done on whether and what types of radiation he may emit. It is known that his dense cytoplasmic substance can hold onto nuclear radiation, but does so very briefly.

As far as defenses go, he does actually have a pretty interesting, but accidental one, for the dense cytoplasmic substance of his cells naturally permeates into his blood plasma. This substance is extremely bitter and even potentially toxic at high enough doses. A mouthful of Lucifer's blood is enough to induce severe nausea, vomiting, cramping of the intestines (colic), and if swallowed, diarrhoea.

The strange substance of his cells also mediates the use of Elixir that is specific to himself. Elixir used for other purposes are rejects of the ones formulated just for him, and are effective at treating a wide variety of things.

On a related but unrelated note, though, the elixir has nasty side effects on humans and demons alike, often triggering the onset of various cancers and cysts, though it's not clear why this happens to some and not others. It is not known why Lucifer is seemingly immune to these side effects, but he could, potentially, be immune to cancer altogether.

Amaimon

Amaimon is a fucking draft horse, with a baseline strength of 9x that of a human. That's somewhere slightly above a pissed off gorilla and/or an attacking tiger, for reference. In high adrenalized mode, that number shoots up to a 12, which is about as high as biology will let anything go, courtesy square cube law.

His muscles are SO dense and heavy, in fact, that he is incapable of floating in water. He also isn't very fast for long distances. He has high stamina at low energy output, and low stamina at high energy output. He can walk for days on end, but in a dead sprint he can't go more than a kilometer at best before his muscles start to rip him apart.

Which leads to : bones. Amaimon takes a very reptilian approach to the issue of having super powerful muscles, and has fibrin and cartilage reinforced bones that bow rather than break. However, these bones have many sharp angles for muscular attachments, and as a result are very poor at resisting torsion (twisting) and high rates of compression. The last thing he wants to do is land on his feet from a great height, for he is likely to fracture his long bones.

But those are not the only bones he has - much like monitor lizards, including komodo dragons, he has ossicones embedded in his skin, forming a chain-mail mesh of steely bone just below the dermis that makes his skin very resistant to slashes and cuts, but very weak to stabbing and thrusting. Cleaving into him wont do much damage, but impaling him on a pike works great.

His organs are strange, made stranger by his blood, which has a pH value of 7.8, far more alkaline than most viruses or bacteria can survive, making him virtually immune to disease. Unfortunately that also impacts the bacteria in his gut, which as a consequence can exist nowhere else on earth.

On the flip side, his stomach secretes acid that is so caustic it dissolves bone in hours, and also destroys even the worst of pathogens. As touched upon before, he can regurgitate this acid onto attackers in self defense, even going so far as to spit it at them from a distance of two meters. It has a patently unpleasant odor too, adding to its defensive quality.

Amaimons claws are semi retractable and grizzly-like, making them excellent tools for digging and prying things apart. They're also really good at ripping people apart, and there is no armor that can really do effective justice except for one: spiky. His skin isn't super resistant to impalement, remember, so the pricklier the better. That is assuming he cant chip away at it. Good luck with that.

Another organ to mention is his tail. It's not exactly prehensile, but it is flexible and very, very powerful. One whack across the midsection could kill a man. In fact his tail is often his first line of defense against attackers; it's so robust and armored that it's almost impossible to injure, and it hits like a truck. Good for offense or defense, or even just lazing around.

Astaroth

Fungi boy has an average strength of just twice that of a human. But when pushed to his limits, he can use hydraulic musculature to increase his strength to 9x that of the average human.

Speaking of which, Astaroth has some weird musculature- or lack thereof. Rather than having ordinary, dense tissue, he instead has a hydraulic system of movement akin to that of a worm or slug. Not only that, but his muscles are not his own - rather they are controlled by slime molds, with which he has a symbiotic relationship. The muscles are very little muscle tissue and a whole lot of mycellial fibers. His body is literally made of fungus, controlled by fungi and microorganisms, and is fed and defended by these things.

He is, in light of this, able to turn his body temperature on or off in any area he needs to at-will, giving his slimy friends the home they need.

He has a perfect mastery over the simple organisms he controls, and can exchange them at will. This combined with the ability to live without body heat means he is completely immune to all but the most severe of environments. As long as he has access to moisture, he can survive and thrive at sub zero temperatures and well into the triple digits. However he can not live without his slimy friends, and so can not endure drought very well. Deserts are the bane of his existence.

When it comes to defenses, Astaroth is nothing but. Toxic spores, all colours of miasma, foul smells, and even sharp needles and thorns when necessary. Nothing with a lick of sense would dare try to eat him, with the exception of microorganisms and parasites thereof - but it's not him they consume, but his symbiotes, which again he can simply discard or exchange as need be.

He is however very slow moving, typically, and doesn't really have a 'flee' or 'fight' response. Instead he freezes, exuding and oozing his more unfriendly companions to deter attack. If this should fail though, however unlikely, he is remarkably fragile and slow to heal, though virtually impossible to kill.

His only real weakness is well established: fire. It is the great sterilizer, though light is also not something he can easily defend against either. Neither are vacuums and immense air pressure. Basically if it's not within the realms of ordinary natural phenomena he has no ability to escape or defend. This gives him an edge against the younger of the Kings, but makes him powerless against the older half.

Whew! That was a lot. This post took FOREVER to make!

Questions and comments are welcome, reading with a grain of salt in mind is recommended.

[innittowinit]

Can you pick me up? my uni burnt down (Chapt. 2)

Relationships: Sleepy bois inc (all fics i write are platonic)

Summary: 

 In which Techno goes to England for University, his building catches fire in the night, and he isn't prepared for the difference in climate between England and California. SBI fluff ensues

Chapter summary: 

After waking up, Wilbur has the great idea that they should do a sleepy boys stream. Tommy doesn't get told about this id

Words: 1785

Language: English

AO3 Chapt. 1

Listen, waking up on a sofa, with a thin blanket shared with 3 men was never going to be the best morning. His back hurt and his legs were numb from Wilbur having sprawled out over the three of them as he slept. 

Stretching his arms back, he recounted the events of last night. God, it really was only a few hours ago, he was so tired. Had this been last year, he would have been able to stay up for days on end and then just crash for an entire weekend. It wasn’t last year though and Techno had gotten himself into a fairly healthy routine, he couldn’t exactly be sleeping through his uni classes anyway. 

“Alright you two” Hearing Philza’s voice, he propped his head up, “Get up, you can’t lay around all day”

A groan came from the mass of blankets and cushions that happened to be Wilbur, who was curled up in the centre of it,

“Phil it's so early and we went to bed so late. It’s fine to sleep in”

“Okay” he chuckled, humouring his tired friend “It’s midday Wil, im taking the blankets away now”

Techno thought it was much too early too, as he tugged the sleeves of Wilbur’s hoodie down a little further so they could act like gloves. 

“Do you mind if I use your PC to try and find out what’s going on with my classes at some point? They'll probably send me an email or something” He grumbled, standing up so he could stretch his back out properly, following Phil slowly to the kitchen.

“That’s fine, it's up in my room, do what you need”

Breakfast was nice, it had been a while since Techno had had time for it honestly, and even longer since he had been able to eat with people he cared about. He had a couple slices of buttered toast and a bowl of some british cereal which he didn’t really like but he didn’t want to be rude so he ate it anyway. 

“You wanna stream together later?” Wil asked through a mouth full of food, earning a snort from Phil. This was nice. 

“Yeah maybe, you use face cam though, I’m not like against showing them my face but y'know, it is what it is” he shrugged, spooning another mouthful of his breakfast into his mouth, he had to admit it was very bland, he much preferred the sweeter ones that were more popular in America. 

“Well think about it, if you decide you don't want them to see you, you can always just sit off to the side and I'll turn my monitor so you can still see it. My office is big enough for it anyway, it’ll be like where Niki was during that one MCC remember?”

Techno nodded and carried on eating, they really were 3 very sleepy boys right now. Maybe he’d take a nap once he found out what was going on with his classes. 

------------------

------------------

Streaming without any gameplay to comment about and with facecam on? Techno wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. That just didn’t really sound like something he was going to enjoy.

It was nerve wracking and he always seemed to glance at the camera too much when it was pointed at him. He knew the fans would be disappointed if he didn’t do it though, When Wilbur tweeted out saying that he and Phil would join him in a ‘you laugh you lose’ he watched as the replies freaked out. 

You could say he was just a bit camera shy, he wasn’t incredibly insecure, sure there were things he didn’t like that much but everyone had things like that, it just made him nervous to know that people were looking at him. 

He’d be okay with his friend’s though, he trusted that they’d never put him in an uncomfortable situation. He knew if he got overwhelmed he could sit outside the frame. 

It would be okay. 

“Hey hey chat” Wilbur mumbled into the mic, making it loud enough so that everyone could hear but it still sounded like he was whispering. 

“We’ve got the blade here, bet you weren’t expecting that huh chat? Or maybe you were, maybe you read the title of the stream, bet there’s someone watching who didn't think he’d be here though” he finally turned the music off and switched from his ‘starting soon’ screen to his regular camera. 

Wil went through the rules, it was the normal stuff, he added in some jokes here and there, prodding Techno and Phil to talk at times. They’d already agreed that this wouldn’t be for youtube, since that seemed to add a bit too much pressure for Techno, but hey, he still had to welcome his chat. 

“Okay!! First media share! Lets go”  

After a series of videos, some funnier than others, Techno had started to loosen up a bit. He was getting more comfortable with the camera and while he’d probably cringe while looking back at the footage, at least he was having fun right now.

He had a warm feeling in his chest that wasn’t usually there when he was streaming alone, sure it was usually fun but nothing was better than being with his friends while doing it, there was really only one person who was missing. 

As if on queue, chat started spamming Tommy’s name, for a moment Techno thought he had been mumbling his thoughts out loud, before he looked between Phil and Wilbur, who both seemed equally confused. Moving Wilbur’s mouse over the chat to pause it, Techno tried to read some of the messages. 

“Oh he tweeted something” he mumbled, pulling his phone out of his pocket without a care. Maybe some irl streamers would have used the computer but knowing Wilbur’s history, he doubted it could run Chrome and streamlabs at the same time. 

Looking at the tweet he felt a little pang of guilt. It was lighthearted and jokey but he knew there’d be a little truth to it. He nudged the other two and read it aloud to them. 

‘Damn guess I’m not a sleepy boy after all’

The air felt a little thick after that, they hadn’t meant to exclude Tommy; all of the excitement of Techno coming to stay had just made it a little hard to arrange to have Tommy here after all. 

Still, they probably should have still told him though. They were supposed to be each other's family.  

“Hey chat I think we’re gonna have to end stream early.” Wilbur finally piped up, deciding it wouldn't be right to carry on when they had hurt their friend, not that chat needed to know that though, he didn’t want to embarrass Tommy. 

“I feel kinda sick and I don't think you all wanna watch me vomit right? Yeah so it’s best we end it now” 

Techno sniggered to himself at that, in games Wilbur always seemed to be very cunning but he supposed he wasn’t very good at lying when it was about something he actually cared about. Said something being Tommy.  

After raiding Fundy, the trio hopped straight onto discord. 

Tommy didn't answer the first time he was called. 

Or the second. 

Finally, after three calls, Tommy decided he’d talk to them. 

“You are all a bunch of dick heads, you know that? What the hell! Why wasn’t I invited to the sleepy boy’s stream! Wilbur you bitch!” Through all the vulgar language and the constant yelling, it was clear that Tommy was genuinely upset. 

He had every right to be, as far as Techno was concerned. From his point of view his friend’s had just gone off and hung out without him. He just hoped he’d calm down once they explained everything.  

“You know I thought we were friends! I thought we were brothers! But if you don’t wanna hang out with a ‘kid’ you can just tell me and i’ll- i'll go!” He was still yelling, as usual, it was clear he was trying to make this into a joke where he could overreact but Techno noticed the small sniffles and the quiver in his voice. 

By the looks on Phil’s and Wilbur’s faces, they recognised it too.  

“Listen, Tommy” 

Wil was the first to talk, it made sense, it seemed that Tommy trusted him the most at times. Sometimes Techno could be a bit too cold and sometimes Phil could get a bit too overbearing.

Techno understood this, he didn’t take it personally, he knew it was only natural that you have people you trust with your emotions more than others. It didn’t mean Tommy didn’t love them just as much, just that they weren’t his ‘go-to’ when he felt down. 

Techno felt the same way sometimes. Feeling’s got complicated and personally he thought Phil was the best to talk to about that, the fact that he was older and had his life sorted out gave him a sense of comfort, like he could trust him because he knew what he was talking about. 

“We didn’t plan a meetup, it just sorta happened. Phil was at my place, helping me record, and then Techno’s Uni had a fire and he needed a place to stay while they’re making it safe again” Wilbur sighed as he heard Tommy moving on the other side of his mic. Techno wondered what he was doing. 

“We would have invited you, had we known that we’d all be in the same place Toms” 

Phil took over, giving Wilbur a little sympathetic smile. The brunette so obviously felt guilty about the situation. 

“But when we got the call from Tech’ it was past 3 in the morning and it was tipping it down with snow, as soon as we got home we all slept. We decided to do a stream this morning but never once did we intend to try and make you feel like you aren’t welcome with us” 

Finally it was Techno’s turn to talk...Fuck.

He wasn’t exactly the most sentimental guy, he struggled to show his emotions and he just assumed everyone he cared for just knew that he cared for them. He rarely had to say it out loud. God okay. He just had to swallow his pride and go for it. 

“Tommy you are a sleepy boy and you are our brother. We did kind of a dick move today and if I was you I’d probably be upset too. I know I didn't like seeing you guys playing without me during MCC and that wasn’t even any of our decisions. We should have called you or something. I know I kinda tease you a lot but that’s just how I show I like people. Listen Tommy if I didn’t care about you I wouldn’t be comfortable enough to make those kinds of jokes with you. It’s not funny if it’s hurting you though..”

Techno bit his lip, this wasn’t as hard as he had anticipated but it was coming out like word vomit. 

“You’re young Tommy but you’re so talented. We love you”

There was some more rustling, it sounded like Tommy was wiping his eyes. Maybe the boy had expected a yelling match, only for it to turn out to be very emotional. 

“I love you guys too.. If you ever exclude me ever again though I’m getting my vlog knife out”

[champagnecall]

// OKAY SO IM HAVING AN ACTUAL MELTDOWN OVER THIS SO. UNDER THE CUT HERE’S SOME CANON UPDATES FOR HIFUMI SPOILERS FOR THE NEW MTR / FP + CHAPTER ( BIG CONTENT WARNING FOR ABUSE TRAUMA + WORKPLACE ABUSE + SEVERE PANIC ATTACKS )

Okay so. I’m going to try and be as calm as possible with his, but a lot of my headcanons were confirmed. 

The first big thing is that my long standing head canon that Hifumi suffers from night terrors relating to his abuse and his abuser were, in fact, confirmed as canon.

Hifumi, at 22, has also worked several jobs and wound up getting fired from all of them due to his gynophobia.

Apparently - Hifumi got his idea about becoming a different person with his suit on from...Doppo! Doppo makes a comment that he got hired to a new job and feels like a brand new person when he puts his suit on, though Hifumi complains that he’s not a child, he can’t do something like that.

Or more accurately...Doppo has Hifumi watch Superman ( which is...canon in HypMic? ) In watching Superman, this line happens. “ "If you put on the suit, anyone can be Superman!" Hifumi says he makes it look easy. ”

A BIG THING FOR HIM IS the words “I’m only on your side” is apparently a trigger phrase for him - something his abuser told him, and something that sends him into hysterics. I will use this from here on out if a character ever says this, or something similar, to him. Additionally, when he’s not wearing his jacket, a woman smiling at him is also a massive trigger.

It’s also noted that Hifumi hyperventilates when he has a panic attack and something that broke my heart was that the woman that triggered him called him disgusting for his behaviors and just walked away.

He didn’t actually start working at Fragrance at 20 - it seems he started working for them at 22 years old instead. 

Hifumi also worked at the company Doppo worked at for a little while, since he was having a hard time keeping a job and Doppo recommended him for an open position! He managed to keep the position for a few months, since he didn’t have to interact with any women in the department, but after those few months a woman tries to speak with him, and he has a panic attack at work.

Doppo helps him and explains to the woman why Hifumi is having a panic attack, and she’s actually polite about it and apologies - but Hifumi says she doesn’t need to apologize because he’s the one with the problem, not her.

Things seem like they can work out for him! The women in the department try to adjust to keep Hifumi comfortable and start going through other male employees if they need something from him. 

But...his boss has a problem with it and starts berating Hifumi in his office and trying to figure out why he has a phobia of women and what traumatized him. He calls Hifumi trash - “which makes sense because he’s friends with Doppo” - and Hifumi agrees that yeah, he’s trash, but how DARE he talk about Doppo that way.

He threatens to fire Hifumi and physically pushes him - but then tells him he’s required to come drinking with the department tonight, as there’s a work party. And it turns out, that drinking party turns into them going to a hostess bar. Their boss is purposefully trying to put Hifumi in a triggering environment. While Doppo tries to stand up for him, Hifumi ends up going after their boss threatens to fire Doppo.

This is where things get...hard, so if you’re triggered by someone being triggered, severe panic attacks, people mocking those things, and someone trying to traumatize someone further - please stop reading here.

In the hostess bar, Hifumi gets isolated from his coworkers and sat between two women. He begins hyperventilating and Doppo tries to go in and save him, but their boss announces to the ENTIRE CLUB that Hifumi has a phobia of women. He’s forced to sit in silence as everyone laughs at him.

One of the women says  "Really? But you're so handsome. What a shame!" and Hifumi screams and begins to retreat into himself. His boss grabs the back of the head of the woman that asked him that and forces her closer to Hifumi, like he’s trying to force them to kiss. The sight of the woman’s mouth causes Hifumi to cover his own, like he’s about to vomit, and he manages to stand up and sprint into the club’s restroom. 

Everyone except his boss, who’s laughing, has the decency to look concerned, and Doppo actually trails after Hifumi, who’s vomiting into one of the bathroom sinks. He goes back to their boss, who asks Doppo if he’s going to take Hifumi’s punishment of being fired...

AND DOPPO PUNCHES THEIR BOSS SO HARD HE KNOCKS HIM OUT OF HIS SEAT.

Doppo then says “He's working his ass off to overcome this, and then you have the god damn nerve to laugh at him! You think I'd ever work for anyone like you, you son of a bitch? No! I quit!” and he grabs Hifumi, both of them leaving the club.

Hifumi apologizes to Doppo as the leave, for costing him a job he was so excited about, but Doppo reassures him that they’re best friends - he’s not going to work for someone like that. 

Hifumi vows he’s going to change for Doppo’s sake, and puts on his suit for the first time. He’s not someone who uses orecchi, but someone who uses boku. Not someone who’s afraid of women, but will give them the most exciting time of their life, just for one night.

Doppo is panicking over the loss of his job, being unable to afford rent, and Hifumi just started working at a host club with this new personality of his - so they decide to be roommates. They both vow to become the top in their field, so they can take care of each other financially so the other never has to worry again.

[hiraphane]

Things in Fire Emblem: Three Houses that after 200+ hours still never fail to get to me (word vomit incoming):

When you’re sprinting around the monastery at the speed of light, the number of NPCs that exclaim “what the-?!” as you nyoom past them

“Please do not eat the weeds”

Sylvain’s pick-up formula that becomes incredibly apparent when you’re catching up on his support scenes with the girls - “Hey [name], you look really cute when you’re [activity/mood].”

Felix’s disdain for his father. Idk if I’m projecting but something about him unabashedly tearing his father a new one every time they see each other is incredibly therapeutic for me. Honestly, just listening to Felix verbally eviscerate people in general is incredibly satisfying. Go OFF on them, Fe!

The dramatic irony and humor that can be had/found on subsequent playthroughs when you know Seteth and Flayn’s full backstories. So many little things that I didn’t think twice about my first run are suddenly hilarious. (”Which [Saint] is your favorite, Professor?” I know your game, fish girl)

Upside down Claude memes

Hilda absolutely DESTROYING the entire enemy force and then complaining that she’s a delicate flower and the battlefield is no place for her like HONEY YOU’RE A TANK, EMBRACE IT

Placing Dedue in a choke point and activating his trait skill, then watching and laughing as people try and fail to barrel through this impassable mountain of a man, usually killing themselves in the process.

“Stay away!” Bernadetta screams in terror before absolutely erasing a man/woman/otherwise from existence.

“Burn until we meet again.”

“It’s all becoming clearer.”

Literally any and all of Sylvain’s kill/level quotes. He’s carried my dumb ass through so many battles I could probably recite them all in my sleep

How I never fail to - out loud - say “Thot” every time Sylvain’s “Be gone” kill line plays

The much more obscure reference of me - out loud - asking “For combat?” every time Ashe announces “I must steel myself!”

Feral Dimitri

“You lost to ME?” / “*sigh* and I didn’t even enjoy it.” / “You overestimated yourself.” - These are just some of the ones that come immediately to mind, but imagine, if you will, being absolutely destroyed by a pink haired loli or a sleepy wizard or an otherwise very delicate looking high school aged child and then hearing - as you pull in your last dying breath - them say that to you, as they stand over your mangled body. Seriously, these children are fucking savages.

How Sylvain, despite bitching and moaning about crest babies his entire support chain, will inevitably have boatloads of children if you get him a paired ending with a female character. I know his hypothetical family is a product of love not careful breeding, but it’s just hilarious to me. This man went from being pathologically terrified of / disgusted by the idea of continuing his family tree to adding entire branches to it. What an absolute Lad.

Sylvain and Felix’s paired endings. I love my boys so much.

Dedue and Mercedes’ paired ending / Dedue and Byleth’s paired ending. They’re the only Dedue endings I’ve seen so I can’t speak for any of his other endings, but they’re so damn wholesome they make me wanna die.

How much I relate to Bernadetta

How Edelgard goes from “stone cold bitch” to “useless lesbian” depending on whether you go Black Eagles or not

Hubert’s sense of humor. The number of times this man has startled me into a fit of laughter with his dry wit is insane.

Manuela and Hanneman’s bickering

Just how fucking broken Mercedes is as a healer. She heals herself 100% of the health she heals other people AND she can use Physic (meaning she can heal from a distance, which end-game essentially allows her to heal from across the map) WHO ALLOWED THIS ABSOLUTE LASS TO EXIST AND CAN I MARRY THEM????

Dancer Felix / Hubert. What can I say? I like my Dancers feral or otherwise vapid as fuck.

Trickster Dorothea, AKA the embodiment of my gay thirst. Get Dancer Thea outta here, Trickster Thea is where its at.

Hapi. Just Hapi.

LET ME MARRY HAPI AS A FEMC IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE

Mercedes being a gigantic troll and nobody being able to tell if it's intentional or she's just oblivious

Petra and Cyril’s supports and their paired ending. The way they promise “forever and ever” and Cyril doesn’t even stop to think about where Rhea will be during that “forever” is just *chef’s kiss* (literally any support where Cyril doesn’t mention Rhea is *chef’s kiss*)

“IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE?!”

Just how fucking offended Ferdinand gets when you try to give a lost item to him but it isn’t his. Like chill out man it wasn’t a concentrated attack on your noble honor, I was literally just asking to be nice and cover my bases.

Lorenz and Leoni’s meal dialogue - “Ugh, you sound like my mother...”

“I lost my brother to bandits... is something I’m sure somebody’s said at some point.” On my first playthrough that was such a YIKES joke from Sylvain, but now when I play I just feel bad because that was him trying to open up and be serious and then he immediately chickened out and backpedaled and came off as a total ass because of it. (I know Miklan didn’t die to bandits, but he ran off to be a bandit and to Sylvain I feel like that might as well be the same thing. Also can we talk about how Sylvain still obviously cares about his brother even though he literally TRIED TO KILL HIM MULTIPLE TIMES THROUGHOUT THEIR CHILDHOOD AND WAS RAMPANTLY ABUSIVE TO HIM, PLEASE SOMEBODY HUG MY BOY!!!!)

Dimitri being the literal hulk and struggling not to break everything he touches

Dorothea and Marianne having themselves listed under their dislikes like BABIES PLEASE LOVE YOURSELVES

The percentage of students who have “ghosts” somewhere on their likes or dislikes. Why are they so relevant? 

How you can infer Edelgard’s entire backstory from her dislikes

“GREETINGS, PROFESSOR!”

Yuri and Hubert literally threatening to kill Byleth and me looking around like John Travolta every time like “DID ANYBODY HEAR THAT?!?!?!?!”

Me holding Dedue, Felix, and post TS Dimitri back by the scruffs of their necks as they desperately try to solo every map I deploy them on. Like BOYS, please, contain your murder. I know they attacked you first, but the second line needs EXP too.

Forming a protective circle around Dedue during the attack on Enbarr in Verdant Wind, like if ANYTHING happens to my boy I WILL divine pulse don’t fucking test me (PS Dedue, if you could stop charging ahead and pay attention to my carefully constructed plan of attack, that’d be great)

Edelgard’s little ax twirl on her victory screen

“I AM FERDINAND VON AEGIR!”

[getthembees]

FFC1

FMA Xover! (I love Final Fantasy so seeing a crossover is 👀)

YES HELLO ok the way im gonna organize this is that Im going to put backstory stuff here and then snippets under the cut so the post isn't a mile long. Also this will 100% be me just rambling </3

FFC1: this was like I said before, for a contest, where I was exploring the POV of a very minor character. I was also using this fic as a way to practice my more flowery writing and go full effort with it, basically, and also to make it an extended metaphor. kinda. I was also trying to portray Bertholds hyperfocus + grief making his mental health plummet and it is VERY DIFFICULT because writing from the POV of someone with poor mental health when they don't actually realize their mental health is bad is. very hard to do subtly. n e way.

FMA Xover: OK SO FUNNY STORY. my twitter friend got me into ff7 bc of the remake so I started watching a playthru of it and ended up hyperfixating on it bc adhd brain go brr. however ! I lost the hyperfixation about a quarter of the way through because I started watching fmab and went absolutely bonkers over that! but I got this idea after the fact and despite knowing the absolute bare minimum about ff7 and only gaining knowledge through fandom osmosis I hyperfocused on this fic at about 3 am and word vomited it onto a google doc on a school night. Ended up manifesting every ounce of sarcasm into Roy Mustang and basically its just How Much Can I Bully Mustang: the fic. Also wanted to absolutely CRANK this mans cunning bastard ways and was just gonna make him a sly mf the entire story. In the snippet I'm posting here, the feeling Roy gets when he uses his alchemy is him sensing chi, which I’ve decided is going to be connected to the Lifestream and mako, and he can sense faintly despite not being trained in alkahestry because of the copious amounts of mako from Midgar’s reactors. It isn't very fleshed out bc it only has like,,,, 1500 words methinks. but. sorry this is such a long ass ramble HAH. 

Also bonus fun fact: I worked on both of these at the same exact time and they are both entirely different tones and tenses. ones present tense and one is past so I got myself Very Confused while writing at 3 am

Snippets under the cut :)

FFC1:

“Yes, Father?”

Riza stands in the doorway, her hand flexes against the handle, once, twice, before securing its hold. Her knuckles are white, her face ghast, dark bags pull below immutable eyes. Her back is ramrod straight— every part of her stands at attention— betrayed only by the restless movement of her fingers. She looks at once both weathered and guileless. It is the first time he has looked at her in days. The first time he has studied her in years.

If he were a better man, he would notice her hollowed cheeks and the gaunt set of her knees. If he were a better father, he would care.

I have so much work to do.

I cannot let the dogs in.

The wooden handle is light in his hands. The silver needle burns in the candlelight. Ink the color of blood poised at its end.

The salamander on her flesh.

She looks just like her mother.

-

FMA Xover:

He froze, however, at the feeling of something squirming in his gut. The feeling was too needled to be the rolling pain of nausea, and it spread from his abdomen and straight up his spine before it released him in a full-body shiver. 

Well, that wasn’t normal. But he was an alchemist, and thus a scientist, so the concept of multiple trials was ingrained in his very being.

He poked his head out from behind the dumpster to make sure no passersby were paying him any mind. The loud bustle of city life wouldn’t have worried him if he knew where the hell he was, but if there was even the slightest chance he was in an enemy country, where alchemy was far less weaponized or even common, he couldn’t risk it. Being caught in Amestrian blues using alchemy behind a dumpster was already bad. But that didn’t even include the fact that he wasn’t just some nameless soldier, either. He’s the Flame Alchemist, Hero of Ishval, leader in the Coup d’état of 1915, and now, 5 years after The Promised Day, he was a major general and the most obvious choice for Führer Grumman’s successor. To be caught in an unknown country with his ignition gloves soaked through and subsequently—he sighed—useless was damning. 

-

ok ty for letting me ramble i don't post my writing a lot bc it embarrasses me more than posting my art does but I hope u enjoyed 

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY LiveThoughts: V8E7

Since I finally have time for it today, lets make sure Im all caught up for the hiatus. 

Before we get fully started, an idea; Its not a war crime if they’re Grimm. Then its just self defense. So break out the napalm, the cluster bombs, the chemical weapons, the fun stuff. Make em regret it, yeah?

And we start off...on a farm. Looks like my moms old farm in South Dakota. Even on Remnant, hay is best used in bales.

Waiiiit. Thats the place the Whale set down isnt it. I see a Sayber running. Ah, and the Atlas military! Surely, the vanguard of a massive force to hold the line! Also Im glad to see a close up of the helmet for once, I want to make my own. Also, the gloves, and the rifle itself. Not sure why it doesnt have a stock, seems kind of silly...

And airships too, so they got some fire support...whats that wall behind them though?

Also it TOOK US 8 FUCKING SEASONS to get a close up of these FUCKING Weapons. 8. FUCKING. SEASONS. Okay maybe more like 5 cause they didnt first appear till 3 or so but come on. Im so picking this shit apart later. 

Pfft, bros got some nerves going on. Come on man, its just some Grimm, you’ll be FINE.

Atlas field harvesters resemble Halo’s JOTUN Farming equipment. As wel as our own. No surprise there.

Alright, bunch of Saybers, not seeing much of a threat here.

Hey, Paladins! Damn, they...look way different than I remember them to be. 

I wont lie, I dont like the Paladin design. Way to much visual noise, I cant tell where anything IS. 

Also that is the most 2D grass I have sever seen in my fucking life. What the hell are they growing here...

Huh, the whale has two sets of teeth. Wait, its just there? And its wpewing out Grimm. So...why isnt the air force firing on it? 

Yeah its not moving, its just raising its head and slamming down and vomiting out more Grimm. Im not sure what the issue is here, just...seal the mouth. 

Oh, huh. Apathys. Let me guess, RTs gonna try and tell us depression is going to kill most of Atlas. Oh for fuck sake. IM NOT IMPRESSED RT. IM REALLY NOT. IM MORE FUCKING ANNOYED THAN ANYTHING

Okay so...I see what this is. Its farm land outside of atlas proper and there’s an additional wall behind them, plus the power lines I guess? Seems like a viable place to make a stand. 

...thats it. Please tell me this is just a single detachment of the Atlas military because there is less firepower here than a NATIONAL GUARD UNIT ASSIGNED TO ONE CITY

Im fairly certain there are more people assigned to ONE UNIT attached to JBLM then I amm seeing here. 

Not to mention this is an OPEN FIELD the Grimm have to run through. This is a literall fucking TURKEY SHOOT. Running across an open field anywhere is a ticket to DYING.

Just ask the poor fucks on D-day.

Also uh...why is everyone in line formation? What is this, fuckin’ 18009s combat Napoleon style?

And did the distance suddenly change, I feel like the whale suddenly got a hell of a lot closer.

Just...I dont get this. This makes no sense. Did Ironwood learn how to deploy forces from a fairy tale book? This is legitimately some fuckin Lord of the Rings shit here.

RIP that one specific trooper hit by that Behemoth though. Dont worry friend, the thing walked next to a Paladin. Its getting its eye blasted out

And cut back to Ironwood. Doing...fuck if I know what.

Staring angrily it seems.

“Dammit, my tactical deployment by line formation and parade ground tactics isnt holding back the Grimm, curses!”

Well MAYBE IF YOUD THOUGHT TO INVEST IN SOME FUCKING AIR SUPPORT...Seriously.

I know people have told me why this is. I understand myself why this is. But it really just...does...not...jibe with me. At all. 

Okay so more details; first, apparently Atlas has a subway. Makes sense, its a big island. Inter-system transits probably a given. Second; Was that Mantis Squad Omega? Some kind of unit maybe...interesting.

 Also I love how this guy just questions Ironwood. Like, bro, if the General says do it, do it.

Hold the fuck up, why is everyone outside? It looks like fuckin’ Cali during our lockdowns...what ever happened to martial law huh?

Also “underground subway stations”. Yes, thats...kind of what a subway IS. I guess maybe they have overhead ones like New York does. Mass transit be weird like that.

I mean HELL the signs on it are almost identical to the ones in NYC too! Even with the colored circles and train cnumbers. 

According to the sign here they’re at Pickens Square Station. 

Oh boy. Ironwood just fed these poor bastards into a meat grinder. Anyone here ever played the Metro game series, or read the books?

Remember the Dark Ones? The Nosallias? Yeah. Tight corridors and monsters only work out well for angry vodka fueled Russians.

Didnt see it very well but I THINK those Mantas had some kind of wing gun. Either thats new, a separate armament setting, or RT forgot what ind of weapons they gave their ships AGAIN.

Cant get the shields back up, yeah, no shit, they DETACHED ONE OF THE FUCKING PILOTS YOU IDIOTS.

Also hah, they arrested Yang, Ren and Jaune. Not surprised.

Beta squads apperently been hitting the whale. ‘Bombs, missiles, we cant make a dent, sir.” ...while Im not surprised by this, I also hear shades of the opening of Halo 2s level Metropolis. “Where’s the rest of your platoon?” “Wasted, sarge. Blew right through us. Rockets, fifty cals, didnt do nothing.”

Honestly they could have SHOWED THAT too. Them just saying it feels like a cop out to me. Take that as you will. But if you want us to see the things hard to kill, show it. 

Not that I figure Atlas’s rockets are much more than Dust in a propellent tank. Not exactly a Hellfire or TOW.

Nice to see proper military talk for...a moment anyway.

Or what I figure RT figures is proper.

Oh so now the whales moving. Okay...huh.

Jaunes commentary is the same as mine. Though I guess the size seems to shift depending.

Ohhh. Its MANTA. As in the gunships. Alright, sure that works. And this guys making a good call. If you cant hit the big one go after the smaller. Of which there seems to be a HELL of a lot. Actually holy fuck that Grimm spew is across like...ahlf the fucking island right now. Time to fuckin torch and burn people.

Ahhhhhh and they get to the proper idea.  If you cant punch it from the outside, hit it from the inside.

I knew a crew...three madmen, names of Keegan, Lahni and Mac. The Hivebusters. Something tells me a Venom bomb would do the trick...if it can rip apart Swarm creatures as big as a Snatcher or a Swarmak and reduce them to green slime, I think it’ll work on Grimm. 

Something tells me RT isnt gonna give em a bomb though. Too obvious.

NEVER MIND. “Science team is putting together a bomb.”

Also I LOVE how Winter’s pupils expand and retract in fear as she realizes what Ironwoods asking her to do.

Awww now shes getting the shakes too.

Salem directing this shit like shes some kind of orchestra leader. I mean it FITS but...I dunno.

Ah so the command deck is directly behind the whale’s glowing nose. Basically inside where the spermacetiy organ would be in a real sperm whale.

What the fuck is Emerald doing there?

Sneaking I guess. Huh. Why’s she sneaking around the whale. Also, huh. guess seeers can get fooled by Emeralds semblance.  Is HE STILL BEATING UP ON OSCAR? Jeez dude. Take a breather.

Honestly if this was TRUE I would be okay with it. Replace the Huntsman with, I dont know, a massively overequipped military for each Kingdom, let them run rampant...stomp the Grimm out or push them back to nonexistence...everyone lives happily ever after

Lets be real here, the idea of the academies? Really really fucking dumb. Its cute. Fairy tale like.

But if theres one thing this show has taught me its that fairy tales SUCK. Reality...tends to be worse.

Ah theres one of those torture hooks they mentioned a few episodes back. Nice of the whale to have a specific interrigation room.

And at last we get some information on how Salem works. Alright so...what happens if you seperate the parts then? Sink one in the ocean, launch one into space.

Sounds like Oz/Oscars telling the fans what we’ve been saying forever, Companion Book be damned; Salem wants to die.

These mind games bore me. Its cute, but I dont like it cause I cant follow that shit. Give me a straight up fight any day, fuck this sublty backroom fuckery

No lies from them both here honestly.

Medical supplies in Atlas seem almost the same as here on earth interestngly. Also, soup. Or...coffee, tea?

Blake with the obvious here. But I mean thats not really saying much cause...well. Not hard to outfight the Atlas military it seems like.  (Long suffering sigh)

Im gonna make a seperate post about my frustrations with that and leave it there. But dont expect me to stop fully complaining about it because everyones gotta have something to bitch about with this show, and I’ll be DAMNED if I start joining the BB whiners.

Good question, Ruby. Might be that YOUR NOT LIVING IN A FAIRY TALE

I’d like to see these people dying in Mantle. I refuse to believe that there isnt SOMEONE in the nation that once brought Remnant to its heel that wont stand and fight. Unless Im wrong about that too...

May backstory? May backstory. Yeah.  Not amazingly complicated but it works. Cant tell if shes Henry though...or was. 

Dramatic lightning flash

Cute you think that Ruby. Theres sides. Always are.

Further proof honestly.

Hazels look of though is amusing. Cant tell if he doesnt believe Oscar, or if his tiny peabrain is runing full bore to think this through.

Coordination between farm boy and professor.

Oh. OHHHH. Plants the seed of doubt in Hazels tiny mind, he uses the last question for himself, sees the truth... Clever, Oscar. Clever.

Hazel peabrain go THUNK

Ah so Mercs going off to Vacuo. Guess that means everyone else is going there next too. Eat that, random Discord person, I called it.

Course, CFVYs there so...maybe we get to see Yats beat up on him.

Oh hi Tyrian. Do you just...randomly roam the halls of the whale waiting to DRAMATICALLY REVEAL YOURSELF and give violent expositon? Im very much okay with that.

Also I love how he just...accepts this. Totally fucking bonkers, totally down with it. 

Oh shit, Tyrian and Mercury going to Vacuo? Damn thats gonna be INTERESTING. I guess Tyrian’ll fit in well enough honestly.

Flying Beringal literally out of the roof. 

I remember back when this season first started and I said those weird bone platforms looked like VTOL launch bays. Guess what? They are.

Merc and Em emotion blah blah DONT CAAARRREEE

Jaune thinking tactically for ONCE IN HIS FUCKING LIFE. An I mean military tactical of course.

Also I like how the Aces say they dont let emotions cloud their shit WHEN THEYVE BEEN DOING THAT THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME.

This ENTIRE PLANET is emotionally run. Thats why the Grimm are such an issue! Makes small note to make Remnant Adeptus Mechanicus cult

Seriously though...

I wont lie though, Hare isnt wrong. Wonder what happened to that Tortuga guy. Tyrian, is my guess. Love how Ren interrupts the moment they almost mention Clovers name.

Expendable, yes. Replacable, no. You should have a talk with squadron leader Grey from Star Wars Squadrons Ren

ANNNNDDD SEMBLANCE EVOLUTION. Or the edibles just kicked in.

This is cool and all but its really fucking dumb and hamfisted. Explain all you want. Mention emotions all you want.

The Aces are fucking huntsmen. HUNTSMEN. FUCKING. SUCK. They always have. Its a dumb idea. Yes, lets stop the hordes of monsters invading this world BY SENDING IN SINGLE OPERATIVES WITH FUCKING MELEE WEAPONS

I’ll make this clear to you, Ren, right here and now. If you faced a REAL elites, you wouldnt have stood a chance. Nor would RWBY. Their bodies would have been three-shot from 20 meters out with a breach and clear and stacked against the wall like cords of wood, one final shot to the dome to make dead sure they were down. None of this stupid flipping and acrobatic crap, none of this clashing weapons and Dust and semblances...no. 

You’d be dead before you knew they were there and they would move on. You’d just be another body to the pile, one more faceless corpse to add to their kill count. A meatgrinder in human form. 

Professionals. Dont. Lose. AND THE ACES ARE NOT PROFESSIONALS!

Because thats not what RWBYs about, never has been.  And that is what annoys me slightly. That and the fact I cant distangle what I know of other universes and our own from RWBY’s. Its hard to hold a universe on its own when everything they make points towards it being like ours, but they change it when they see fit. 

I feel like thats bad writing.

Hehehe. Winter touched Elms boob.

Glad to know that Winters got her priorities right. Course, that bomb probably aint gonna do shit cause its Dust based.

...again, hoping its a chemical weapon...

Wait, the Atlas forces from earlier are STILL FIGHTING? Damn, these Grimm must suck if they couldnt wipe them out in that little time...

Also I cant tell if its getting dark cause of the storm or if its the dawn of the next day.  Or did...they shift time around? I lost track. I SWORE the sun was setting the last time we saw everything.

Also return of the shitty 3D grass...

Marrows gonna defect.

Awww poor Winters got emotions. HEY MAYBE DONT SEND A MENSTRATING WOMAN OUT ON A FIELD OP, ATLAS!

So according to May there’s still front lines. Cool. 

AYYY ITS KLIEN! HES BACK

Oh, I guess hes a doctor too. Oh he MAD.

Ayyy Whitleys being USEFUL for fucking once in his shitty life.

Shes gonna hug him isnt she.

CALLED IT. For fuck sake...whatever. Cute. But whatever.

Oh annnnddd now Grimmquake?

No. It stopped...Bolide?

No. PENNY.

Annnnddd shes leaking coolant. And sparking. And dead.

RIP Penny.

The concept art of the beached whale looks so fucking silly. Seriously, just...detach the whole section there. Drop the fucking thing. 

Oh well.

And thats it for almost two months! Be prepared for me to BULLSHIT MY WAY THROUGH ALL OF IT and continue on with my military fanwank because THATS HOW IM SURVIVING 2020!

[twentytwoyearoldchild]

The First Post

To be honest, I’m not expecting anybody to read these or actually find them, or even care. 

This is for me. Be it for the sake of journaling, therapy, word vomit, whatever. 

An opportunity to let go. 

I guess I’ll start from the top

Shit’s been weird as fuck; as it has been for a lot of people. It was my last day of uni forever the day we shut down for the first covid quarantine, my apartment lease was up in a few months, and I didn’t have a job anymore. I was fortunate enough to have extended family in the area with whom I could move in with after my lease was up. Fast forward a few months and I’m home again. 

I really thought I had overcome a lot of shit I was dealing with when I moved out after high school. I had a routine, it wasn’t always healthy but it got me through. But damn has it hit hard since I’ve been back at home. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, they’re good parents; they’ve grown a lot since I’ve been away. But there’s always something that doesn’t change. Or, it’s evolved in a weird way that’s not as bad but still like an “are you kidding me,” type of vibe. 

I can’t believe I’m still being so fucking vague, like no matter how hard I try I can’t just say it, fuck I cant even type it. 

How do I even streamline everything in my head. I’ve never thought about how I feel cause it makes me mad, and I don’t like being angry. I don’t like how it makes me feel. 

Why the fuck I have so many issues coming from a family that wasn’t terrible, just had it’s little quirks, beats me. 

My mom, I love her to bits, she works her ass off for us and I am eternally grateful for that. Our relationship hasn’t always been good, it only really improved until after I turned 19. We used to fight a lot. But not in the fist fighting sense. It was mostly me doing things she didn’t want me doing but I did any way so she just yelled at me all the time. She used to hit me and my siblings when we were kids. She never beat us until we turned blue, and it didn’t make her a bad mom when she would tell me to grab her heels instead of a belt. 

I have never talked about this memory, thought about this memory, it is one I like to keep locked away. I must have been 8, we had just recently moved the year before. I remember running upstairs, my mom was chasing me, yelling at me. Saying she was gonna beat me until I bled. I remember being cornered, screaming, crying, looking up at her, and that’s all I remember. That’s where the memory ends. My memories don’t pick up again until I was about 11 years old. 

I used to hate her for it, but I know now that she was just coping with her anger the only way she knew how, and I don’t blame her for it. It was normal for her, it was normal for us. 

Wow I feel like I went off track, but hey there’s your not so tragic backstory, just a kid with a mom who had anger issues sometimes. UGH man I hate talking about this. Cause I know it could have been worse. I think that’s one of the reasons I have never talked about it, wrote about it, or anything, is cause it could have been worse. What point is there in telling someone if it doesn’t change anything. Like why the fuck am I so altered by a childhood that wasn’t even that bad. 

Anyway

Because of that we used to fight a lot. 

My mom is your typical girly girl, does her nails, and im not gonna lie she is very pretty. She takes good care of herself. 

I am very much the opposite. I got into alt-rock at an early age and fell in love with being all angsty. I cut my hair off, wore baggy band tees, black skinny jeans, and topped it off with my huge ass DC sneakers. I pierced my own ears a few times, pierced my friends ears. I tried piercing my LIP when I was 10, the needle only went in half way. That shit still makes me laugh. 

Basically, I looked like a little emo boy and I liked it. I liked the way people would avoid looking into my eyes, or would look away quickly, or called me sir. I think I liked it so much only because my mom hated it. 

She used to be very... vain? I mean low key still is, but whatever. Right about 10 years old is when I remember my mom making comments about my weight. I did sports in school, but it was never enough to stop my mom from telling me I was too heavy, or that I wasn’t sucking in my stomach enough. There were other things going on at home that I think snowballed it but that’s for another time.

I’ve never called it an eating disorder but I guess that’s what it was. What it is. It wasn’t debilitating, I never got underweight, I looked normal and healthy. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I stopped eating, I tried puking, I started binging. Not enough to cause attention, just enough to feel in control because I didn’t know how else to deal with everything going on. 

After I moved out, I thought I had moved past it. I really thought I was doing something, and getting buff, that was the goal: get ripped as fuck. I was going to the gym 6 days a week, for an hour or two, lifting weights. But I wasn’t eating. I had no idea I wasn’t eating, I was just busy. Always busy. 

I didn’t realize how much it affected me until last year. An acquaintance of mine asked me if I was “ok” because I was looking “really thin”. Never in my Life had I heard those words directed at me, ever. That shook me So Hard. 

I don’t want this to be a dunk on my mom, I love her so much, and she’s grown so much as a person and as a mother. I’ve forgiven her. Which is why this shit makes me so mad ‘cause it’s like, “I’ve forgiven her but why can’t I make it stop,”

TLDR;

Okay All of this to say: Im back home 

quarantine has definitely fucked up my weight, as it has for many others. but now being back at home with my mom telling me everyday 

wow ur getting fat

if u dont exercise youll get fat

I see your double chin you need to loose weight. 

like WHY is it fucking me up. why is my parents fighting and ignoring each other again still fucking me up. Why cant i sit down tune that shit out and just fucking work like i need to. Why cant i fucking eat. why is it so hard to just say “i need help but i dont know how”

It’s been a week and I have totally ignored everyone that’s been reaching out to me.

Why do I feel so guilty.

Man, I feel like such a whiny bitch baby. 

[brokenheartsandtwistedminds757]

Please watch this if anyone crushed your dreams or never believed in you, if you ever felt lost and still do... Lord please help me find my purpose my calling my dreams , if you don't even know who you are bc you lost yourself or sense of self to someone or to an external source and in silence you can't sit with the your own self bc you are not connected with yourself within and so confused as to do next... I am ADHD . I was on second in about to skip it to distract myself with something else and for some reason I watched and laughed and I've been in a rut in writing and being in touch with my own soul with the inner child I suppressed and was repressed bc I was the black sheep, the misunderstood, the outcast, I too have a love for Albert Einstein, I too have a learning disability and recently lost my voice to domestic violence for 15 yrs and I made someone my everything and now left with nothing, and I see why I needed to broken hearted by a twisted mind bc now I free to explore and discover what my potential can be, and no wonder i was delusional bc I am truth seeker and I felt always uncomfortable, anxious and it's bc I was not allowed to be or able to express myself the authentic person I am.

" I used to wait for the newspaper, to wait for my dad to finish and so I can then cut out the funny comics like Garfield the cat and I used to laugh and then I ventured in to drawing " I drew Garfield and was so proud of it and my father said " you need to practice more it it's that good "

Little did he know: today this day he has no clue how that one sentence, killed and ahattwred my drive and imagination to dream; I believe of what Steve Harvey Said. Education isn't everything even though society tells us so, but obviously with what's been happening in the present time, I am glad I'm that black sheep of the family bc now I have the opportunity to change my ancestry, and tell my daughter with true ethusiam that her artwork is amazing and I encourage her to color outside the lines even though as we color together as an adult: me drawing inside the lines and my 4 year old just scribbling all over th page with colors out of random and triggered my OCD & in that moment I almost did something to her by words is killing her will to learn and have fun by almost " correcting " her to " color inside the lines and use the accurate colors " smh. In that moment as I had a flashback and I never drew again and even if I did doodle I would never show it to anyone in fear of it not being accepted but again Im thankful For being misunderstood bc after watching this video and diving deep of soul searching; I realized too, I am not supposed to fit in, it's the rebels without a cause that change the world but are labeled and judged as we are standing in line waiting for or prescription meds by a phyaiciatrist who has seen you since 18 and yet being now (--) of age still doesn't know your name. Maybe I was crazy for doing the same things expecting different results by changing myself externally to be accepted by people who I cared for and didn't aswell, now I know why age of 9. I want to die ? Nothing is more miserable than holding in your ability to express urself in any format bc I was made to believe anything I did or said was silly or stupid. I didnt know my root of all the circumstances and consequences of those I am suffering and surviving at the same time that I AM WORTHY, if it was one thing to note : ( I was the sperm tadpole to make it in the egg first ?) ;) I know this is all over the place but I usually would select-all-copy+paste to my UNSENT/UNSEEN MESSAGES / Or ADHS : verbal vomit. But fuck it. It is what it is. HAVING SUCH A MIND FULLY purging of thoughts and ideas that were repressed aswell as the insecurity and self conscious Ness that led to disablitating social anxiety which I proud I can even admit that on a social media sites bc most of mine is of Albert Einstein image and everything set to private bc thinking I would be a burden to " friends" / family/ strangers....I want to be an advocate for ADHD AND hopefully change the damn abrievation to EFDD. Just remember , I'm aware I'm not always be on the same page as the rest. (Ha! Or even the same chapter as someone for my age "/ who makes these unofficial societal rules that is bullshit to its finest ) if you made to this point well you are ADHD yourself and can relate or something resonated with you to intrigue your interest, my phone is so hot I think it's about to explore or possibly crash with my luck, but I just want to say, think or don't think outside the box, color within or outside the lones, it really just doesn't matter after all we have to side of the brain the the left and the right? No more hiding or fear of decideding! JUST BE U, Or else once by THE TIME U figure out what you want or who you want to be IN life or what ur dreams are; You already be six feet under. So disregard into the COVID-19 But with all respect and rip to all and their loved ones but get off your phone & go climb a tree. We are th wild ones, the free spirits and the light workers or the world to help / heal other of humanity's wounds, let's all disagree to agree that even though I will most likely continue to be on my phone after I post, I'm just going to to say at least I can feel free to speak my truth and can care less if this makes sense or has many grammertical errors or no commas lol. When I press that blue post button just know I for once was able to exhale.....

[hardyimagines]

Part 9 – The Baker

———

Could I request an Alfie Solomons x reader where she has no idea who he is and thinks he’s just a baker so he bakes things for her and is sweet but he keeps trying to hide his identity bc he really likes her and eventually she finds out who he is? You decide whether you want the ending to be angst or fluff! And please make this one a bit lengthy :) thanks love 💗

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8

———

“Alfie, I promise, she’s fine.” You whispered softly to the man that knelt on top of you. He chose now to worry about the babe growing inside you, after you had sex.

“Right, yeah, you said that, but you’re not a fucking doctor, now are you, pet?” His hand brushed along your belly, caressing the rounded surface slowly.

“I’m not a doctor, Alfie, but I’m pretty sure that being pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t have sex for nine months.” You groaned out softly. Alfie sensed your discomfort so he laid his hands on your hips and helped you sit up. It wasn’t needed, but it was appreciated.

You were five months along now, so Alfie was becoming very cautious of everything you did. Well, even more cautious than he was before. The man shifted in front of you before lifting his hand to your warm cheek. Brushing your locks away from your sweaty skin, he leaned in and kissed you softly. “Right, pet, up you get. I’ve got to get going to work.”

“Alfie, I really don’t think I need to go in with you again today. I’m perfectly fine staying at home.” You tried to reason with him. “When I’m seven months pregnant and so on, then you can drag me to work with you, honey, but right now I can look after myself.”

The man looked like a wounded animal. He eyed you with the most innocent stare, so uncommon for him to make. You’d really hurt his feelings right then.

“I just don’t wanna miss anything, right. Pet-“ He began to rise. Swinging his leg off of the mattress, Alfie lifted himself smoothly before leaning over to retrieve his clothing. His legs lifted so he could step into a fresh pair of underwear and then drag his trousers on directly after. “What if, yeah, the babe starts kicking? Right, or what if you feel nauseous, fuck ton of vomiting you tend to wound up spewing and I don’t want you suffering all by yourself. It’s better if you’re with me througought this entire fucking thing, innit?”

“Okay.” You cut him off. You really didn’t feel like bickering for an hour. Alfie was entirely too stubborn to give in so you knew that you’d end up at the bakery either way. Laying your hands on your back, you groaned out breathily as you stretched. His eyes were stuck on you. You were completely naked, more beautiful than ever. He kept saying you had a glow to you, one that shone brightly and made you look so effortlessly attractive. That’s exactly what he’d said before you two ended up tangled together in a mass of limbs on the bed. You could feel his smug grin, almost as radiant as you, as he began to pull on his shirt. He fastened the plastic buttons one by one before moving toward you. “Don’t touch me, Alfie.” You warned the man. This pregnancy made you so easily horny and you weren’t sure if you loved it or hated it. Loved would’ve been the obvious answer but because Alfie was such a busy man, it made it to where you were horny and unsatisfied a lot of the time.

He took your warning into consideration. The man stuck his hands deeply into the pockets of his trousers to restrain himself. His eyes did all the touching he needed. Your breaths began to deepen at his close proximity. Just because he didn’t have his hands roaming your body, that didn’t mean you couldn’t feel his gaze, devouring you as his mouth had been.

“Alfie..” you whispered quietly beneath your breath. You were trying to pick out an outfit to wear to work and it was becoming increasingly more difficult as he didn’t back away from you. His stomach brushed against your back accidentally and that was all you needed before your much smaller form twisted around to face his own. He was just as surprised as you were when you threw yourself at him. His large palms quickly grabbed ahold of your thighs, hoisting you up and on to his hips to make things just a little easier. Your mouth was relentless against his, refusing to stop for air or so you could tell him what you wanted.

“Pet.” He growled out against your lips, allowing you to continue with your assault of kisses. “Pet, im already late for work.” He told you before twisting around and lowering you down on to the bed.

“Exactly,” You gripped the front of his shirt and yanked him down with so much strength that his eyes widened in the slightest. “so it wont really matter if you’re just a little more late.” You offered the poor excuse.

Alfie sighed exasperatedly with a hint of amusement before laying his hand against the mattress beside your head. He knew better than to deny you. You’d be grumpy all day and refuse any of the affection that he offered to you. “I’m already dressed, pet, yeah. You just lay still.”

You obeyed him without question. Lifting your small hand to his head, your fingers wound in his locks when he began to move his head south. Your fingers gently tugged at his brown hair before you shut your eyes and let your head roll to the side. Alfie Solomons was actually a very generous man — at least he was when it came to oral sex.

—

The sun was bright as the two of you emerged from the home you shared. His hand was locked securely around your own, fingers gliding along your much smaller ones. The rings that cradled his fingers were cold against your knuckles, but you didn’t complain. Alfie never took the jewelry off and if you said the smallest thing, you knew he’d ditch them. Squeezing his hand so that he’d look down at you, you sent him a small smile before leaning up and stealing a swift kiss. The man was very much enjoying how lovey and affectionate you were being.

“So does this mean I have to be locked away in your office for the entire day?” You inquired, staring down at the broken cracks in the cement as the two of you walked. Alfie directed his stare down at you before humming lowly.

“I dont want you near the machinery and men.” He muttered as the two of you continued to walk.

“The men?” You frowned lightly before looking up at him. “What because I’m horny all the time you think I’ll jump a random person?”

Alfie shrugged lightly. He didn’t know anything about pregnant women. He just knew that you were ready for sex all the damn time. His dark eyes flickered to your own and it was then that you saw the joking tint in his gaze.

“Bastard.” You pushed his arm roughly, causing the man to lose his footing for only a second. “I thought you were serious!” You hissed before pulling your hand away from his. Folding your arms stubbornly and childishly across your chest, you walked just a little bit quicker than the man so that he wasn’t able to walk at your side.

“Pet.” He chuckled lowly, unable to hide how amusing he found the situation. It wasn’t his fault you were so easy to rile up nowadays. He loved it when you got frustrated because your voice would become so breathy and your features would morph into a childlike pout. He gripped the back of your dress and smoothly yanked you back and against him. “Come here.” You struggled for only a moment before slumping as you saw the street sign. This was the road that you’d very first ventured onto when your grandmother had sent you out for treats and bread. Your entire demeanor changed then and your small hand found Alfie’s once more.

“It’s kind of strange how we met don’t you think? I mean, I just came by for bread and cakes and you.. well you weren’t even suppose to be making those for me, and yet you did.” Your eyes slid up to his before dropping to the fond smile he wore.

“Right, pet. I was meant to be making those fucking treats, weren’t I, seeing as I am head baker.” He grumbled lowly. “If it hadn’t been for me, yeah, you wouldn’t been scavenging the fucking roads for an actual bakery, my love and they aren’t easy to find round these parts, seeing as my bakery is the best.” He grinned cockily and you rewarded him with an elbow to the chest. He really was a good baker.. so if he ever did want to stop the life he lead now and one day become an actual baker, that’s something that you’d be more than happy to help him with. Your hand fell to your stomach, thumb brushing along the smooth surface. Majority of the walk was then spent teasing over what would’ve happened if the two of you hadn’t of met.

Everything in the world was good. There was no worry on your shoulders, nothing apart from the stress of giving birth, but you were sure that was present in all first-time mother’s. Your hand rested on your stomach as the pair of you walked, fingers opened wide so you could rub the length of your tummy. Baby name’s were discussed as you walked arm in arm with Alfie. Most times he was silent when you offered a name, trying his best not to upset you by saying he didn’t like this one or that.

Ellie was cute, but it was simple. Oliver was nice, but it was too close to Ollie. George, he liked, until you said it was for a girl. Each name you said, he commented on, but then the list grew longer and he was running out of polite things to say to avoid simply stating ‘no, not that one’.

Baby talk stopped when the two of you reached the distillery. Alfie opened the heavy door with ease, reminding you of all the times in the past he’d done the same thing. He was always a gentleman when it came to you. Slipping inside, you let out a heavy breath as the overpowering scent of alcohol hit you. Waves of nausea flooded your body, threatening to send you to the toilets to empty your stomach, but Alfie was quick to pull you toward the stairs and toward his office. The scent was still strong, but not as strong.

Your small body found the couch in the corners, moans leaving your lips as you panted tiredly. Alfie watched you with a lazy smile. You could ride him for an hour without complaint, gleaming with sweat, out of breath, and without complaint, but if you had to climb ten to twenty stairs, you were exhausted. He watched you momentarily, ensuring that you were truly alright. You were. The little moans you set free were assurance of that. It had grown to be a habit, a sense of comfort to let out the little sounds. He didn’t know if you did it to soothe the growing child in your tummy, but it helped to soothe him so he smiled as he sat at his desk.

Forever started here. There was no ring on your finger, bounding you to the man at the desk, but you were sure there would be soon. Alfie spoke of marriage from time to time, but it wasn’t the most important thing to you. You didn’t need the law to tie you to him, you already knew you’d be spending forever with him. Him and the child in your stomach. Enemies didn’t seem to come around anymore. Work was stressful, but not overly. Alfie had made time for you and he promised to make even more when your little boy, or girl, arrived. He was a terrific man to have by your side and you couldn’t wait to see what the future had in store. Right now, it looked like loads of sex and loads of babies.

You smiled to yourself, head lulling to the side. You watched him as he stared down at the paperwork on his desk, glasses low on the bridge of his nose as he worked quietly. Distracting him was tempting. You always had so much to say. But you found, as you watched him silently, that this was so peaceful. And this was how you wanted to spend everyday. With him. Even if it meant doing nothing, it was something. Alfie Solomons was your happy ever after.

———————————————————————

Okay! Hello! The Baker has come to an end!! I’ll do a follow-up chapter because I know we all want some Baby Solomons, but it won’t be titled The Baker. I’ll simply correlate the two. Anyway, this story was really, really nice to write. I just spent an hour finishing it up and tumblr crashed on me so I lost it all. This is shorter than what I had, but I got super stressed and shortened it considerably. ): but anyway!! I hope you all enjoyed this fic, I know i did. ❤️❤️

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