#i have never committed to something so hard
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HEART OF A WOMAN. watch me going out of the way, when i should’ve went home, only time of the day i get to spend on my own.
02, CHAPTER TWO. IF I CALL, YOU GON’ ANSWER?
ju speaks. hey again… this is a long one-ish. two chapters in two days who am i? after this, the next will take me a few (?) but i wanna have something out for what’s my name or tcptg in the meantime! pairing. wnba!paige bueckers x fem!oc. warnings. same old + sexual content.
flashback, april 2019.
the streetlights give me away as i pull up to her driveway, cutting the engine just before i reach her house so i don’t wake her dad. since getting my license (bad call, honestly) we do this more than twice a week. i lean back in the seat, my fingers tapping the steering wheel, waiting for that porch light to blink twice—her signal that she’s sneaking out the door.
and there it is. two quick flashes, and she slips outside, her hoodie pulled up, backpack slung over one shoulder. even in the low light, i can see her outstretched grin as she spots me. i can’t help but grin back.
nailea opens the passenger door, sliding in quietly but still managing to make a mess of everything, her bag knocking into my elbow. “my bad,” she whispers, but she’s laughing, already reaching over to shove the old takeout containers from our drives last week.
she throws me a look as she buckles up, and i’m already bursting into a smile. “paige-freakin’-bueckers, a husky,” she says, smacking my arm repeatedly, grinning like a proud mom. “uconn better know how lucky they are.”
i laugh, shaking my head as i pull out of her driveway. “they better,” i say, smirking, but my heart’s racing just hearing her say it. i committed just today, and she’s the only person who could make this feel more real for me. “took ‘em long enough to get me.”
“you’re gonna be big, p.” she says, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest, sighing out. “even bigger than now.”
i grip the steering wheel a little tighter, keeping my eyes on the road, but the way she says it—like she’s already seeing me at the top, like she’s imagining everything that comes next—makes it hard to keep my focus. nai has this way of believing in me that feels so solid, so certain. i don’t think anyone else could ever see me the way she does.
“i wish you were coming with me,” i say quietly, almost more to myself.
she glances over at me, her expression softening in a way that almost hurts. “you know i’d be there if it was up to me.” but it wasn’t up to her, her dad was set on red and gold, and i get it. it isn’t just about family legacy, it truly is the best fit for her. her major, her future… and i wish i could fight on that, but i can’t.
i nod, swallowing, but it doesn’t make the feeling go away. i hate it—knowing she won’t be there, knowing i’ll be at uconn, and she’ll be halfway across the country. nai’s smart, she could’ve got a whole scholarship there if she applied, but it wasn’t meant to happen apparently.
“usc’s a top school, nai. you’re lucky. and we play each other a couple times a year, at least,” i add, like i’m convincing myself as much as her. i shoot her a small smile, but she just looks away, fiddling with the zipper on her backpack.
“doesn’t feel lucky,” she murmurs. “feels like the universe is messing with us or something.”
i lick my lips, letting the silence fall for a moment before i say, “tell me again about the dream,” while glancing over at her, because it never gets old, and i’m sure thinking about, talking about it would lighten the mood.
she shifts a little, giving me a quick look before they shoot back to the highway. “the w? or… something else?”
“the w, of course,” i say with a grin, though i know we’re both thinking about more than just that. we’ve been close since freshman year, figuring ourselves out is one way to put it. finding comfort in each other without ever daring to put a name to it. i’d jump at the opportunity if i had it in me. we’ve never talked about what it all means, the time we spend, the closeness, how it’s more than friends, no doubt, even if we don’t say it out loud.
her head lolls against the seat, hair shriveling up behind her, smiling a little now. “alright, so you’ll be running the league, ‘course, and i’ll be right there—scouting, managing, whatever it takes. you know i know more ball than you do,” she teases, and argue, because it’s true.
i laugh, shaking my head. “you know i always say that ‘cause i mean it.”
she rolls her eyes, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of her lips. “whatever.”
i shake my head, but I’m grinning, too, like i always am around her. “nah, i’m serious! you know more ball than all the girls, more than the coaches—even coach cos. you just get it.” i’d bet on nai being right there with me in the league one day, if that’s what she wants. i hope that’s what she’s really wants.
i know what i want. i know what i’ve wanted since i saw her for the first time. i want it all with her, i’ll make sure i get it too.
and maybe it’s selfish, but i’ve already made up my mind. i’ll make nailea mind before we graduate.
present day, may 2025.
it’s late, the kind of late where the building feels oddly empty, the silence thick enough that you can hear every creak and hum. the rest of the staff have been gone for hours, and i’m overworking myself, that’s for sure. my laptop’s blue light glows across the desk, and i’m on my last task, trying to shake the fatigue that settled in about an hour ago. it’s funny, in a way; this job was always part of the plan—a step towards something bigger, even if i didn’t know exactly what.
i’m deep in a report, head rested against my hand, eyes blurring a little as i stare at the screen, when i catch a shadow shifting by the door. i glance up, thinking it’s a security guard here to lock up for the night, but then i see who it is. paige.
my heart jumps, like muscle memory, and i immediately try to school my expression, keep it calm. why is she here? she’s got her hands in the pockets of her joggers, shoulders relaxed in that way that makes it look like she belongs anywhere she wants to be. but she doesn’t. not here, not at this hour, and especially not after what happened between us a few nights ago.
she smiles, one of the smug ones that show throughout her entire face, and i barely move, glancing up as she walks closer. “you really have nothing better to do than follow me around?” i raise an eyebrow as she reaches my desk, leaning over it to try and get a peak at my screen, but i shut it, and she settles back.
“the facility’s a little out your way, no?” i question, tilting my head. definitely out her way. cam had rambled a little too much about paige’s apartment, and i was sure of the exact spot by now.
paige shrugs, poking her lip out as she places her lanyard down, clearly getting comfortable. “sum’ like that. what, i can’t come see you now?”
her words make me squint, because she knows we aren’t on those terms, it’s just her way of steering around it—like she’s trying to navigate a minefield without acknowledging the bombs we’ve both set off. i swallow hard. “it’s a little unprofessional, don’t you think?”
“professional?” she scoffs, folding her arms and leaning against the desk. “last i checked, we’re not in a conference room, nai. just two friends catching up.” her head follows my movements as i begin to pack my things up. paige showing up was probably my cue. i’ve been here too long.
“friends?” i echo, the skepticism clear as i quirk a brow. “that’s rich.”
“then labeling me as some typa’ high school buddy is pretty poor,” she retorts, and i have to scarf down any out of pocket reaction i wanted to shoot at her. “guess so,” i reply.
paige’s expression shifts slightly, and there’s a moment of silence before she speaks up again. “can’t we pretend for a minute?”
i stop what i’m doing, sighing out, but i’m right back on it just as quick. i zip up my work back, leaning on my desk in the same way paige is. i don’t think i was ready to look at her, because for a minute, i’m tempted. i miss this. i miss her. the good parts. but i can’t forget. “you mean, like, before you cheated on me?”
the color drains from her face momentarily, like she didn’t expect me to say it so straight-up, and i realize that she’s probably used to me dancing around things, especially when it came to us. but i’m done dancing, done playing like we aren’t adults.
at least i thought i was. you know, it really was easy until i saw her. and i will be seeing her. everywhere.
“look, i—” she starts, but i cut her off.
“i’m not trying to rehash everything, paige. you’re the one who came here.”
she opens her mouth to respond, but no words come out. i can see her processing, the cockiness slipping from her as she shifts her weight back and forth on her feet, almost like she’s searching for the right words.
“i was working out late, too much on my mind,” she finally says, her voice softer. “you need a ride? how you gettin’ home?”
“my car,” i reply.
“liar.” she accuses. “lemme take you.”
i narrow my eyes at her in suspicion. “you’re so aggy. how do you know that?”
paige licks her lips, biting back a smile too. “maya told me you’ont got your car right now.”
i shift uncomfortably, tearing my eyes off of her and beginning to occupy myself, pulling open drawers and pretending to rummage through papers in a futile attempt to look busy. maya. “i didn’t know you and maya talked like that.”
paige shrugs nonchalantly. “she’s aight.”
i swipe my tongue over my bottom lip. “just alright?”
“she’s good,” she says, and for some reason good sounds even worse than alright, but i shouldn’t be prodding. whatever girl paige decides to involve herself with next shouldn’t concern me.
still, the questions slip uncontrollably, mouth moving faster than my fucking brain. “you two getting close?” i look up at her, jerking my head to the side to move a strand of hair out of my face.
paige seems to just love this, and she sizes me up with her eyes all seductively just then before responding. “would that bother you?”
i freeze for a moment, grappling with the unexpected rush of jealousy. why does it matter? why am i still feeling this way? “i just didn’t expect you to be hanging out with her,” i manage to say, and my voice is steady enough to conceal my thoughts. “seems… unexpected.”
“is it? ‘cause i thought we were both free to do whatever we want,” she says, leaning in slightly, her voice dipping low as if she’s letting me in on a secret. “especially since you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel about me.”
my breath falls short, but i hold up a poker face, and for a minute, we’re both just staring. trying to read into everything maybe, but i know i need to say something before i end up kissing her again.
or worse, bent over this office table.
“you’re right,” i say, perching up as i turn my chair away, getting up in a hurry. i stroll around as paige watches me, curiosity piqued, her eyebrows furrowed in that way i find oddly endearing.
i come up right next to her, and she looks down at me as i grab her keys, dangling them in front of her face. “that means you can take me home without trying anything. touching me.”
ubering this late was probably dangerous anyway, right?
the car ride is uncomfortably quiet, save for paige’s music filling her vehicle. it’s weird, i’ve never felt out of place with paige, but i do now, and it has everything to do with what she did. you know, when i found the texts, the pictures, the videos that still make me sick just thinking about it.
i’ve had time to blame myself. time to wonder if maybe i should’ve seen it coming. when we would argue, go on a break that only lasted for so long. i’d get suspicious, overthink, and then act out in ways i knew would set her off and drive her to say and do things she didn’t mean. they say toxicity is a two way street.
our trust was broken the minute distance became part of the equation. i was right about paige blowing up even more in college, but that only made it harder, made me wonder if this is what i signed up for—if i could handle it. there were some things i couldn’t ignore: her teammates’ livestreams, where i’d catch her in the background with some girl who looked a little bit too much like me, or the one time some random uconn student reached out to me about where where she’d been at, who she’d been with. it was like i was on the outside of the greatest inside joke, miles away, slowly losing my grip.
eventually, she pulls up in front of my apartment complex, the engine humming quietly as she shifts the car into park. i’m unbuckling my seatbelt when paige glances over, catching my eye for a moment, and there’s something there—maybe regret, maybe an apology she’ll never actually say. but whatever it is, it’s gone as quickly as it appeared. she clears her throat, her fingers tapping against the steering wheel to the rhythm of the song playing, like she’s trying to break the silence but doesn’t know how.
“you realize it’s been a month, right?” i break, and paige nearly jolts up at my voice, probably surprised it wasn’t something along the lines of, ‘thank you for the ride, bye.’ “like, we’re not together. so maybe this… maybe we just need to keep our distance.”
paige shakes her head, stubborn as always. “you know i ain’t tryna’ do that.”
i feel a knot tightening in my stomach as i brace myself against the door, wishing it would magically swing open and let me escape. “well do you have a better idea?” the last thing i want is to fall back into the old routine, and if setting some type of boundary is what it takes, i’ll do it. “because that kiss at cam’s was a mistake.”
paige chuckles, and i turn to look at her in attempt to figure out what’s so funny. “a mistake,” she repeats, running a hand down her face, but it isn’t a question. “don’t pull that card, nai. you wanted that shit just as bad as i did.”
my frustration rises. “no, i didn’t.” i’m stern, shaking my head and leaning a little more forward, invading her space. “because i knew you’d act like this.”
“act like what?” paige shoots back, her brows knitting together in anger and something else i can’t really place. i don’t really wanna know. “like i give a shit? you’re the one actin’ like i’m the problem here.”
“hello? you are the fucking problem!” i yell, the words spilling out before i can hold them back. i don’t mean it, i know it’s not only her, but that’s what a load of anger will make you say. “you think you can just charm your way back into my life whenever you feel like it, you get off on hurting me.”
paige’s jaw tightens, and for a moment, i see the hurt flicker across her face before she masks it with defiance. “yeah, well you make it easy,” she shoots back, and i’m taken aback, but i don’t show it. “you keep letting me back in, and then you act all surprised when i don’t just walk away.”
“i didn’t let you in,” i mock, squinting my eyes. “i kissed you ‘cause you fuckin’ begged for it,” i roll my eyes, and paige scoffs, head lolling against the seat.
“oh, and that was the only reason? you wanna play it off like it was some pity kiss? you’re full of shit, nai.” she spits, and i feel the emotion as her voice lowers towards the end.
i can’t help it. “literally fuck you, paige.” the words are clear, harsher than intended, and as we come face to face, inches apart, paige grips my jaw tightly, fingers sprawled out against it, head dropping, and i’m forced to stare at the sleekness of her bun. i’m not surprised as i keep my face tight, almost like i’m resisting without actually pulling away.
“you’re so fuckin’ full of it,” she whispers, breath fanning over my ear, and i wish i had the mental strength to push her off of me.
i shiver at her words, my body betraying me, but i refuse to let her see how much her proximity affects me. “don’t act like this is some game. we’re not—”
she cuts me off, fingers digging in just enough to make it sting, and she leans closer, her lips brushing against my cheek as she murmurs, “say you don’t want me then. just one word, baby. that’s it. and i’ll back off for good.”
a part of me would’ve told her to stop if she didn’t add the last two words. something sounded so final about it, so irrevocable final in a way i didn’t like. because another part of me never wanted to let paige bueckers go. that same part loves her with every fiber, no matter how insufferable she can get.
i open my mouth, the word “stop” right there, but it dies on my lips. instead, my breath hitches, my fingers curl into the fabric of her shirt, and before i know it, i’m leaning into her, pressing my mouth to hers.
she lets out a soft, almost relieved sigh as our lips meet, and whatever walls i had built are as good as none as her arms wrap around me, pulling me closer and over the center console. her kisses weren’t slow, she had no interest in savoring anything, but they were hungry. her hand slides further down my neck, gripping just tight enough to make me whimper.
i feel her fingers slip lower, brushing the edge of my waistband, but i grab her hand, holding it firmly as we keep kissing. “aht,” i mumble against her lips, and she groans softly, her frustration evident.
i bring her hand to settle on my thigh, and she squeezes it, pulling me even closer. “really can’t touch you, ma?” she murmurs through the kiss.
i nod, breathless as i pull back and attach my lips to her jawline, pressing and biting until i leave a mark. “said it,” i whisper, fingers spreading over her shoulder as i caress it. “meant it.”
her lips are parted as she takes me in, resists her hands, and my thoughts become dirtier by the second. everything else falls away for a second, but then her previously low eyes light up, flicking over my shoulder, and she screws her eyes shut, an exasperated sigh escaping her. “fuck, nai,” she mutters under her breath, barely audible. “i gotta go.”
i pull back. “go—what?” i scan her face, eyebrows furrowed. “who texted you?”
she hesitates, glancing to her carplay screen, but whatever message had popped up is already gone. she shakes her head, looking back at me, jaw clenched. “listen,” she says, her hand squeezing my thigh one last time, and i think it puts me in a trance. “if i call, you gon’ answer? need you to tell me you will.”
i bite down on my lip, confusion still stretched across my face, and i’m not sure if it’s just a heat of the moment thing, but i nod like it’s the most obvious answer in the world, even when i know i shouldn’t of.
#paige bueckers#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers fanfiction#paige bueckers smut#paige bueckers uconn#paige bueckers x fem#wlw fanfic#wlw fiction#wlw smut#wlw blog#paige bueckers blog#lgbtqia#my fic
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Special guest
Pairing: Spencer Reid x single mom!reader Summary: Olivia's birthday is coming up. She has a special guest in mind. WC: 1.7k Warnings: mentions of absent fathers (sorry); reader is borderline paranoid about letting her kid down; they are pining hard - Spencer looks at reader not so respectfully. Please, let me know if I missed anything. A/N: I try my best to not describe the reader so that everyone feels included, but I feel like I should work better on that. If you have any advice on it, I'd be very thankful to hear it! Second fic in less than 24h, ohmy. This is a second part to 'Stranger danger' Feedbacks are highly welcomed and appreciated. <3 Masterlist
A few weeks had passed after the incident with the power in your building. Since then, you saw Spencer sometimes and he always greeted you politely. Olivia once told you that she liked him so much because he was a nice ghost — he told her stories about the books he read and she absolutely loved them, going to the point of asking if she could borrow them once he had finished reading.
Little did she know, she would never have to wait long.
Their interactions always made you speechless. How was your 5-year-old daughter better than you at starting conversations? You could barely look him in the eye, despite the fact that he always made sure to flash you the brightest smiles. You reciprocated, but then Olivia always had something to say: about his funny clothes, about the book she was reading for school, about your moments together — you had a scheduled commitment every Friday, to take Olivia to wherever she wanted to go. She was very observant, and, just like you, had the habit of taking mental notes of the beautiful places you saw during your walks. That's how she knew where the public library was and knew the best coffee in town — she demanded having the same beverage as you, but you told the barista secretly to make it decaf.
As you both put on your shoes in the morning to leave the apartment, you said, "Oli, your birthday is coming up. Do you want to do anything with mommy?"
"I want a birthday party."
That made you freeze in your tracks for a moment. You've been avoiding throwing birthday parties for two years now, because Olivia's day always ended with a tinge of heartbreak by the absence of her father, who had decided to leave the both of you and move overseas to, maybe, start over. It hurt you to try to comfort her with something you didn't have control of, but you did it anyway because you'd rather hurt yourself than let your baby go through that kind of disappointment alone. You didn't really know what he was up to, and honestly, you didn't want to, either. You were doing just fine without him, but she was his daughter and still a child, so you knew she still missed him.
Your hands were shaking slightly as you tied her shoelaces. "Bunny ears, remember?" You asked softly, showing her how to do it: you always did it in the mornings, but you made sure to teach her in case they undid during her day at school. She nodded at you, flashing a little toothless smile. "Okay, baby, we'll do that," you smiled, trying to ease off the tension.
"I want invitation cards. Like the ones you had!" She said, excitedly. You huffed out a laugh, endeared by the fact that she remembered all the papers you showed her with photos and other memories of your childhood.
"No problem, baby," you said, getting up, smoothing your pencil skirt and opening the door. She went to the hall to press the elevator button, "we can do it." You said, more to yourself than to her.
Two weeks passed and you had everything ready for Olivia's birthday with the help of your closests friends, Victoria and Jude. You were planning on throwing her party at your parents' house, which had a big, beautiful yard with space enough for the kids to play all they wanted. You had ordered Olivia's favorite cake, red velvet, and a lot of other treats that you knew she loved.
"You know she'll be drunk on sugar, right?" Victoria asked, laughing. She remembered the last time she took Olivia to the movies and she was electric during the way back.
"It's her birthday, once a year won't kill her. Maybe it'll kill me, but eh, what's the matter?" You joked lightly and your friends laughed.
Jude had a checklist in her hands. "Okay, let's go over this so we can go back to our yearly drinking like there's no tomorrow date. We have the place, the food, the decoration... oh, no. Where are the invitations?"
"Oh, I got it. They're in my room. I had to put it away because Oli wanted to read them over and over again."
They nodded as you left your living room, walking down the hall so you could get said invitations. You felt dread creeping up on you when you couldn't find them in the top drawer of your bedside table. "I can't find them!" You yelled loud enough for the women to hear you.
"Are you sure you placed them here?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Not sure what happened, though." You murmured, already feeling a little disappointed. "I gotta look for it now. She drew it herself and I took a lot of copies. I can't possibly tell her I lost them, she would be heartbroken." You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose.
Victoria approached you to rub your arm, trying to comfort you. "Hey, we can look for it. We still have time." Jude said, smiling reassuringly.
"I know, I just don't wanna be too late." You said, giving them a tight-lipped smile.
So, you started looking for it in every corner of your apartment. You stayed in your bedroom, while Jude and Victoria went to Olivia's. You had cleaned the apartment today, a Saturday, when your daughter usually went to your parents', so that you'd have free time to spend and catch up with your friends. It was almost sundown, daylight fading softly and the lighting in your room was becoming darker as time went by. Suddenly, you heard your bell. Weird. You weren't expecting anybody.
"I'll get that!" You let your friends know.
Opening the door, you weren't expecting your neighbor. Rephrasing: the neighbor who Olivia adored so much. Spencer. That works, too. He has a name, after all. "Hey, hi!" He greeted you with a grin, looking shy.
"Hey, you!" You greeted him back. "Is everything okay?" You asked, a little unsure.
You took in his appearance. He looked tired, that's for sure, but it didn't stop him from looking like the most gorgeous man in existence. He wore his usual attire, carrying his caramel satchel leather bag. You didn't have an immediate answer, so you gulped when you noticed that you were looking a little longer than what's socially acceptable.
"Yeah, it's fine," he chuckled, unable to hold your stare for a moment longer. He considered, for a moment, that your daughter was the element needed for him to have a little confidence to speak when you were around. Well, shit. "I — um. I think these belong to you. I found it when I opened the door to my apartment." He extended you a bunch of papers. You blushed. You busied yourself so much with admiring him that you failed to notice that he had something in his hands.
He studied you for a moment. You looked beautiful that day. Not that you didn't look beautiful all the times you've seen him, but oh, well. Like the first time you met, you were wearing a dress. It was blue and it stopped mid-thigh. He had to stop himself from gulping at the sight of your bare, plush legs. It was different from what he was used to seeing you wear during working days, during the eventual elevator meetings. The dress hugged your curves beautifully, there was no question, like it had been made just for you. Your hair was loose and it fell over your shoulders. When you first answered the door, you had a worried frown on your face, but it quickly disappeared with his words. He felt relieved to see you get rid of your distress.
"Oh, goodness! Sorry about that. I was just looking for these." You gladly took them from his hand and your fingers accidentally brushed his. His hands were warm. "Olivia must have slided them under your door gap," you laughed nervously. You could feel two pairs of eyes looking at the interaction before them. You needed to brace yourself for their questions and very much possible teasing.
"Yeah, yeah. I supposed she did that, too." He laughed, quietly.
You thought for a moment. "You know, you should go. She really likes you. Talks about your conversations all the time and says she misses you when we don't run into you at some point." You revealed. It made Spencer's heart soar in his chest.
"Really?" He couldn't help but smile, even if he couldn't believe it. Not that you were a liar, but that it meant so much to your daughter to talk to him now and then. He felt alive at that moment, felt wanted. “I don’t want to impose.”
"Yeah, I mean, no! No problem, you wouldn’t be. We’d like to have you." You said, smiling adorning your face. You took a card from your hands, offering it to him. "With us, I mean. It's going to be at my parents' house, we'll have a bunch of kids running around and cake." You surely looked like an idiot.
We’d like to have you, was all that he could hear.
Did you want him there for him or just because he was kind to your daughter?
Either way, "Thanks. I'll do my best to be there." He said, utterly happy. Saying your name lowly, followed by a 'goodbye', made your heart jump in your chest. You replied with a wave and a small grin. Your cheeks were sore from all the smiling. It was inevitable.
You turned around and had barely closed the door when Jude said, a little louder than her usual tone, "So, I see you found the invitation cards. I hope you gave one for Olivia's birthday party, not for a hot date." She playfully scolded you.
With wide eyes, you banged the door closed and turned around to yell, "Jude! What???"
Little did you know, Spencer heard it all. You know, thin walls, small distance and all. He grinned to himself, face flushed a deep red.
He was definitely looking forward to seeing you. And Olivia, too, of course. It was her birthday, after all.
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x yn#spencer reid x you#matthew gray gubler#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#cm#mgg#spencer reid series
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Reach for me.
Pairing: Soldier Boy x fem!reader
Summary: he couldn’t love—or didn’t want to love, and you loved too much, so he did what he does best—push people away, push you away.
Warnings: angst, mentions of alcohol consumption, reference to physical violence (not to reader), internal conflict/self-loathing, self-sabotage (Ben), no use of y/n, English isn't my first language
A/n: okay, I was suppose to be working on 'sing a song for me" part 2 but I am very very stuck so I decided to write this. I promise it'll come out soon, I know it's been so long :'(
Word count: 1.2k
You thought you'd seen the worst of him already. The anger, the bitter sarcasm that he tossed carelessly, the silent stretches that left you feeling invisible. And it wasn't as though Ben was ever easy to love. He was a wreck half the time, and he did everything to make sure you knew you were disposable.
He had been in plenty of beds, all warmth and fleeting sighs—but empty. Nights were easy—it was everything that came after that he had no patience for.
Commitment? Stability? It wasn't his thing. He wasn’t the settling-down type, he’d tell himself. And he sure wasn’t made for a "forever." And yet… he’d come back to you, again and again, as if some part of him couldn’t help it. You, who’d been there in all those small, ordinary moments. The kind of quiet loyalty he didn’t know what to do with.
So, Ben had this way of making every little kindness of yours seem like it was nothing. A late-night meal you made him? "That all you got?" He would spit it right out. Patience with his anger? He'd scoff and say, "What, you really think you can fix me?"
And when you'd touch him, hand on his shoulder or your fingers tracing a line across his jaw, he'd look away, just enough so you'd see the faintest flicker of something. But then it would be gone, and he'd shut down again, like all the times before.
But you loved him anyway.
For some messed-up reason, you could see through it. Even when he pushed you away, you stayed. Patient, offering a love he didn't deserve—and he knew it himself.
Maybe it was your patience that made him resent you, that gentleness in your eyes when he spat venom at you. He had gotten used to people leaving the second they saw what a monster he could be, the second he showed them the violence he kept just under the surface. But you stayed, and he both loved and hated you for it, because you made him feel things he'd tried so hard to bury. And somewhere deep down, that terrified him.
Because Ben did love you. That was the worst part. He'd feel it sneak up on him in the quiet moments, when you were sleeping beside him, or laughing at something stupid he said or something he'd mumbled. He felt it every time he reached for you. He loved you in a way that made him feel vulnerable and open, like he had nothing left to hide.
Then came the night that changed everything. A night you'd never forget. When he came back stumbling in, blood on his knuckles and bruises across his jaw—he had gotten back from a fight. You took one look at him and knew he was aiming for another fight with you, eager to burn the only good thing he had left just to prove that he could.
He sneered at you, and you just waited, waited for him to burn out. And he did.
The sharpness and anger in his eyes burned till it was nothing but a wavering sight of lost and hurt, his body slumping against the wall and he couldn't bother to look into your eyes again. He might have broken down.
But then he did what he did best. Push people away.
"You think you love me? Fuckin' waste of time. I don't love, sweetheart. And it's pathetic that you keep hangin' on like this, thinking you're special." he spat, eyes filled with resentment when his eyes met yours again.
You held his gaze and didn't flinch. "I know you don't mean that."
That was when he snapped. His voice went cold, the kind of anger that ran deep. "Maybe you're just too stupid to get it. I don't want you here. Don't need you lookin' at me like I'm some fuckin' wounded dog." His words were harsh, but he knew they were bullshit, just another excuse he used to push you away.
And it worked. It worked.
Ben saw the way tears started to well up in your eyes as you stared at him, and that was what finally made him feel something close to regret. But he couldn't go back now. Couldn't unsay it. It would have been too painful to admit the truth, to admit that he was terrified.
So you left. Quietly, without another word, because there was nothing left to say. You just gathered your things, gave him one last look, and walked out, leaving him alone in that dimly lit apartment.
He'd won, hadn't he?
He had pushed you away. He got what he wanted. No more vulnerability, no more of that insufferable feeling of being known and loved despite everything he hated about himself.
He told himself he'd feel fine. After all, he'd done this before. He'd been alone, and he'd always been better for it. But lying in bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, he realized the silence around him had changed. It wasn't a silence he was used to—it was hollow, cold in a way he couldn't ignore.
Days passed, and Ben tried to drown it out, with alcohol, with meaningless fights he'd pick, with anything that might numb the ache, but they all just made it worse.
He'd find himself in the bathroom, throwing up from one too many drinks, and he almost missed the feeling of your hand on his back, rubbing soothingly as he heaved, your touch steady and comforting, even though he reeked of liquor and shame. When he was done, you'd wipe his face with a cold washcloth, taking care of him like he wasn't just some disaster you walked into.
He'd lie on the couch, afterward, barely conscious, the side of his head pressed against your lap as you stroked his hair. Even through that kind of haze, he'd feel your hand smoothing over his forehead, your thumb brushing against his temple.
Now he was throwing up by himself, sick and alone, and how he wished you were here with him right now. He'd lift his head up and catch himself looking over his shoulder, as if expecting you to be there for him, a hand rubbing his back through it all, like before. But you weren't.
He hated it. Hated how much he wanted that same kind of comfort again, that sense of security he let himself get used to. The same kind he didn't know he craved until you were gone. But most of all, he hated himself more for needing it.
He had pushed you away, and he really didn't have anyone to blame but himself, didn't he?
So he sat there, taking in the silence, the first time he's felt so... alone. He let himself feel it, the way you weren't there with him anymore. All the hurt and vulnerability, the pain he’d spent his life trying to shove down. He was alone, and he'd done it to himself. Because loving you had terrified him more than anything, and instead of facing that fear, he destroyed the one good thing he's ever had.
In the end, he did the one thing he was best at—and that was pushing you away.
#soldier boy#soldier boy x female reader#soldier boy x reader#soldier boy x y/n#soldier boy angst#soldier boy x you#soldier boy imagine#soldier boy the boys#soldier boy fic#soldier boy fanfiction#the boys#the boys amazon#the boys imagine#the boys au#the boys fanfic#the boys tv#jensen ackles
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your ideal partner is like...
On this pick a pile reading, im focusing on positive traits to take into consideration when wondering if someone is worth putting your time and energy into a committed relationship. This is not meant to be strict guideline of arbitrarily imposed "must have's" to look for, but more of an opportunity to reflect on what could be beneficial to your ideas of a healthy relationship.
dividers by @chilumitos
pile one pile two pile three
‧͙˚ *༓ scroll down for the readings ⋆ִ ‧͙⁺˚
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˚˖𓍢ִ໋ ✧ pile number one ˚.⋆
I get the feeling that you value certain aspects of relationships that could be considered “traditional” or “old school”, but not necessarily the ones that are limiting to your sense of identity or your will. I think you find value in things that bring peace of mind and comfort due to being structured in a way that feels natural and balanced, or at least aim to provide those qualities into your life. In your case, I feel like commitment in any sort of union is something you value a lot, specially because you have a deep understanding of your own individuality which involves wanting to connect with someone who is just as conscious as you are, and just as willing to bring out the best in you as you are willing to do so for them.
Your ideal partner is someone who wants a certain level of structure in their lives, but also wants to find opportunities to experience child-like wonder. This is a person who is patient, and knows that building strong foundations in the relationship is the best way possible to ensure that both of you get to be joyful together. A key aspect here is that you look for someone who shares your values, not because they aspire to them, but because they live by them even if their lives are completely different to yours. Maybe your life experiences of the past might not be similar, but what’s important is that your ideals and aspirations are the middleground where you are both capable of nurturing a genuine connection. Both of these cards show me that you are determined to achieve harmony in a way that you consider both practical and fulfilling, and yet you are not willing to sacrifice your individual aspirations. Therefore, whoever is meant for you, needs to embrace the way in which you decide to nurture a relationship.
˚˖𓍢ִ໋ ✧ pile number two ˚.⋆
This combination of cards is telling me that you are someone who has coherent reasons to be slightly afraid of vulnerability. You have been in places where your honesty and your vulnerability have been misunderstood as weaknesses and treated as such. Nobody deserves to be hurt because of such noble traits. What's relevant here is that you are cautious with who gets access to your truest self, which is not that bad, but from time to time your anxiety in regards to vulnerability might be something that makes it more difficult to find true connections with others. It is hard to know who will value your genuine ways of living and expressing your feelings if you never try to do so, if you never give people the opportunity to show if they are worthy of you being in tune with your sensitive essence.
Your ideal partner is someone who is not only empathetic, but also someone who is willing to put effort into building a sense of trust within the relationship. Whoever wants to love you, needs to understand your healing process and willfully put in the work so you feel secure with them. I'm talking about a person who values having the difficult conversations instead of running away from the issues or hiding anything that could turn into a problem. This is someone who shows their loyalty by either being helpful or being a good company. You can be very introspective and mindful of your issues, you are too used to solve problems on your own. These are amazing qualities that can be nourished when you engage with a person who is willing to learn when you need help,when you need company and when you need your own space. Finding out who has this characteristics is only possible if you find the peace of mind and the confidence to approach vulnerability in a way that gets you out of your comfort zone without getting hurt.
˚˖𓍢ִ໋ ✧ pile number three ˚.⋆
Well, I can’t lie here, these cards are giving me a subtle “opposites attract” type of scenario. Which doesn’t mean that you should go and look for someone who is nothing like you, but it does mean that maybe you should consider your own virtues and defects and how they can be complemented by a partner, while also thinking on how you compliment them. This is not only about superficial compatibility, but more so about both of you being able to rely on each other and able to ask for help. From what I see, it’s most likely your ideal partner is someone who shares a similar life path to yours, but they have an entirely different set of skills. Having shared objectives and aspirations is something quite valuable, especially if both of you are equally as committed to them.
What I see from an ideal partner in your case, it's this passionate approach to almost everything. It is not a kind of passion that comes from a need to fill a void in their lives, it is the kind of passion that comes from a deep sense of responsibility and consciousness in regards to their own lives. This is a person who sees the value of their journeys and is able to be truthful and fair with their approach to new experiences because they want to remain aligned to their honest desires. They are fully aware of what they can and can’t do, but what’s interesting about them is that they also see value in creating dynamic ways to work around that. You need to find someone who respects you enough to allow themselves to ask you for help, but are also willing to help you too. A key thing to consider when thinking of an ideal partner is the sort of enhancements made possible by a connection where both genuinely respect and admire each other, without idealizations that could harm the relationship.
hey there! i hope this reading was useful or at least entertaining for someone <3 if you did enjoy it, don't hesitate to check out my other P.A.C readings i think they're also kinda fun??
anyways, big updates (maybe not too big)
i set up a ko-fi (finally, ik, im sorry, many people told me to do so but apparently i had to drop out uni to find the time to do it lmao actually not funny btw i dropped out to focus on my work because economic crisis, fuck you javier milei, i work on a tarot reading app btw but i cant disclose it or share my profile from the app idk why)
I FINALLY CAN TAKE PICTURES OF MY CARDS !!!!! (they are still samsung phone quality but they are expensive samsung phone quality ok) so yeah things are going to look prettier i guess??? maybe i'll do videos someday??
im also working on a posting schedule and taking this blog more seriously because i missed tumblr so much tbh and i need a way of sharing the beauty of tarot thats not literally too close to working a 9 to 5 call center job (i love my job tho, but working in tarot apps is... interesting) . i love this site so much, i was literally raised by it at this point (i feel like an elder user because i've been here since 13 and im 23, i saw gen z underage people calling 25 year olds "uncle" online and honestly i cant even be mad about it because if any gen z calls me an auntie i wont go against it, i've been on my single auntie patty and selma vibes since forever tbh and im technically gen z too?? )
last big update: i got a kinda fun and silly oracle deck which i will be using for an ask game eventually.
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#pac reading#pac tarot#love tarot reading#free tarot reading#tarot cards#tarot deck#tarot witch#tarot art#tarot blog#tarot journal#tarot reading#tarot services#tarot community#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#pick a picture#pick a card reading#tarot pac#future spouse reading#spouse reading#self work#positivity#self improvement#self love#love advice#coquette#dollette#coquette dollete#free tarot#tarotscope
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oof, i loved arthur’s reaction to her escape attempt! imagine if it’d been longer, like you said reader was around 15-19, if she were 15ish and he found her again when she was in her early 20s or something 👀 maybe even with a family of her own
(AN: Oh. My. GOD! *screams*, straight outta a soap opera but make it darker, lol. I had so much fun writing it!!!.) Alter version of this Warnings/MDNI: Not incest, strictly platonic, abuse, death// I don't condone such behaviour
You'd found a quiet, unassuming happiness on the ranch, a kind of peace you'd never known before. The people Annabelle left you with were very good at covering your tracks and gave you the best opportunity to start your new life. Sure, there was the occasional pang of guilt, a fleeting thought of your brother and how he might have worried after your sudden disappearance. For leaving without a word. But you consoled yourself, convinced it was for the best. He was your guardian, not your puppeteer. The dread of him coming and taking you back didn't fade though. Both of you had conflicting views, you needed freedom, and space to grow into yourself instead of witnessing the dangers and the crime they committed there and pretending it was fine, and the Alder ranch had given you exactly that.
The work was hard, but you loved it, and the Alders treated you like family. And then Farris arrived. When you were 18.
When he arrived, you were wary at first, assuming he’d be just another complication, perhaps a jerk. You already feared meeting new people but he quickly proved you wrong. Farris was thoughtful, with an understated kindness that made him easy to be around. His silence wasn't standoffish; it felt respectful like he knew you had your own reasons for being there, just as he did. He had a way of giving you space without making you feel lonely, and when he did speak, it was usually to ask questions that felt... refreshing. He genuinely wanted to learn from you, which was a new experience, and something that made you feel a bit prouder of the knowledge you'd gathered on the ranch.
And there was something undeniably magnetic about him. He was handsome in a way that didn’t demand attention, with an earthy charm that suited the simplicity of ranch life. You caught yourself smiling at his quiet humour, the way he’d sneak a comment here or there to lighten the load. Working alongside him, you felt more like an equal than you had in a long time, and that feeling, that respect, was something you hadn't realized you’d been missing all along.
When Farris confessed his feelings, it caught you so off guard that, for a moment, you didn’t know what to say. Someone wanted to be with you? You, with your past and all the silent shadows that came with it? But Farris was gentle, giving you time to think, to consider your own heart without pressure. And you did think, a lot, trying to let this possibility unfold in your mind. Eventually, with a shy, tentative "yes," you opened up, your whole being feeling like a flower cautiously reaching toward sunlight, still uncertain yet irresistibly drawn.
The two of you became the talk of the ranch, your quiet glances and shy smiles making even the Alders chuckle with delight. It was sweet, people said, watching you both, a pair of lovestruck teens caught up in something innocent and tender.
Farris eventually opened up about his past, speaking softly, as if sharing a guarded wound. His parents had been trapped in a constant cycle of bitterness, each too absorbed in their own struggles to think about him. They didn’t care for each other, for the vows they’d made, or even for the boy caught in between. By the time they split, he’d been left to fend for himself, a ghost drifting between them, unwanted. Yet here he was, looking at you with such hope, with a gentleness that was born from hardship but longing for something better, beautiful and loving than what his parents had.
He wanted a love that was real, something far from the fractured, selfish version he’d grown up with. And he wanted it with you. That simple, earnest wish kindled something inside you, something bright and tender, something you hadn’t dared hope for until now.
Now, at twenty, you’re happily married. Farris has never once wavered from his vow, not for a single moment. He’s never let you feel the sting of loneliness or regret. He’s only ever been there, his love a steady presence, his every word and gesture a reminder that he’s here for you, that he will always be here.
He knows pieces of your past, the fragments you were willing to share. You chose to tell him only as much as felt necessary, as much as you felt safe giving away. He’s never pressed for more, never pried into the shadows you’ve tried so hard to leave behind. Instead, he accepted every part of you, the parts you showed him, and the parts you held back. And in his acceptance, you’ve found a peace you didn’t think possible, a quiet sense of safety that feels like home.
You both thrived together in the quarters on the ranch, living in a cozy one-bedroom home that felt like a world of your own. It was small, yet everything you needed was right there, wrapped in love and laughter. But Farris, with his dreams and ambitions, wanted something more, a life away from the ranch and its unpredictable weather.
So, you both made the leap and moved near Valentine, a small community with friendly faces and warm hearts. Farris found a job at a nearby publishing office, where he poured his creativity into his work, while you channeled your talents into selling beautiful embroidered fabrics. Farris supplied your creations to the local markets, and together you earned enough to not just survive but to thrive.
In the evenings, your home transformed into a small haven of learning. You taught the local children, sharing knowledge and igniting a spark of curiosity in their eyes. For you, spreading knowledge felt like soaring through the sky; every lesson was a chance to lift someone else up. You found joy in teaching, especially the girls, encouraging them to embrace their potential and dream big.
⋆⋆⋆
You were now eight months pregnant, combing your hair in the mirror after freshening up in the morning. When you were satisfied with your appearance and turned around, you saw Farris walking towards you, shaking his head in what seemed like mild disappointment.
“What?” you chuckled, touching your hair and turning back to the mirror to check for anything on your face.
He didn’t say anything at first, instead reaching for two bracelets from the jewelry box he had gifted you. He gently put them on your wrists, a soft smile playing on his lips.
“You know how much I hate seeing you empty-handed, not looking like a newlywed bride,” he said, his voice teasing yet affectionate.
You let out a laugh, a genuine one that echoed through the room. “That’s because I’m not! It’s going to be a year soon, I’m not so new anymore.”
He frowned playfully and pulled you closer, his hands resting on your waist. “It doesn’t matter. For me, it’s important to see my beloved ready. It makes me feel happy to see you every time, all dolled up.”
Farris gave a little smirk, his eyes glinting with that familiar playfulness. “And what’s wrong with getting ready for me?” he teased, adjusting the bracelets on your wrist as if they were the final touch to a masterpiece. “It’s a good thing. It should be the first thing you do after waking up, come out looking all lovely, and before I get home too. And it’s not up for debate, alright?” He tapped your nose, his tone both firm and light-hearted, making you grin and blush at the same time.
“Alright, alright,” you laughed, shaking your head at his silly demands, which you knew were simply his way of showing how much he adored you. You couldn’t imagine a day without his little ways of making you feel cherished. You are officially spoiled rotten.
"You and your demand of seeing me ready all the time.. I literally just woke up..." You tried to stifle a yawn, still sleepy-eyed as you leaned into him, but Farris only chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling with that familiar fondness.
“Well, that’s on you,” he teased, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “If I had my way, you’d wake up ready for a wedding every day.”
You let out another laugh, warm and easy. “You mean you want me walking around in a heavy gown and jewels while I’m like this?” You gestured to your rounded belly, the weight of the baby beneath your hand both grounding and joyful.
He grinned, resting a hand over yours. “Every bit of it. The bracelets, the smile, all of it. Even just like this, especially like this.”
A soft warmth bloomed in your chest, and you rested your head against his shoulder, feeling content in a way you’d never quite known before. “You’re lucky I indulge you as much as I do,” you murmured, trying to sound exasperated, but the smile in your voice betrayed you.
“Well, c'mon, that's my right as your husband now, and I’m grateful every day,” he replied, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. His hands stayed on your shoulders, steady, as though grounding you there with him. "After all I earn for you, to buy you all this so you wear it. Not keep them in a damn box."
He leaned down, his voice a quiet murmur. “You’re glowing, you know. It’s like… even the smallest things make me grateful that you’re here. That you’re mine.”
You smiled, closing your eyes and savoring the moment. “I know,” you murmured back, brushing your fingers lightly over his hand. “And you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And this little one,” you added, giving your belly a gentle pat, “well… I think they’d agree.”
He chuckled, a sound that felt like sunshine on a quiet morning. “Then I guess I’d better keep making you happy, huh? Not that I’d want to do anything else.”
He drew you into his arms and pressed a kiss to your forehead, then another, softer one, on your lips. His hand drifted down to rest gently over your belly, his thumb tracing gentle circles.
“Love you both,” he said quietly, the words wrapped in tenderness. You rested your head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat, and let out a sigh of pure contentment.
“Love you too,” you whispered, letting yourself sink fully into the embrace, savoring the warmth and comfort of the moment.
⋆⋆⋆
Before you knew it, time slipped through your fingers like grains of sand, and you were blessed with a beautiful daughter, Adia, a precious gift that illuminated your lives in ways you never imagined. Farris had poured his heart and soul into building another room in your small house, carefully crafting every plank and stone, each stroke of his hand a testament to his love and commitment since the moment he learned you were expecting.
Now, Adia was six months old, a bundle of joy who filled your days with light. You had just finished your evening classes and, with a sense of anticipation, hurried to cradle your daughter, who stirred from her peaceful nap.
"Aww, my cutie," you squealed, "Look who's finally back to earth." The innocence of her giggles somehow bittersweet in the quiet of the house.
You carried her into the kitchen, “Let’s get some (coffee/tea) ready before dad comes home,” you said softly,
“Let me heat those pastries too-” you began, but were abruptly cut off by a sharp knock on the door. Confusion twisted your stomach as you approached, pausing just before turning the handle. A sudden thought struck you like ice water.
Farris has keys. Why would he knock?
With a racing heart, you crept to the window, peering through the curtain. The dim light of the lamp outside cast eerie shadows across the porch, and your blood ran cold. There they were, three masked men.
Charles stood at the front, his fist raised to knock again, while Sean shifted nervously beside him, eyes darting around as if sensing the gravity of the moment. But it was the figure in the distance that sent a chill through your bones.
Arthur.
Leaning against his horse, Arthur's entire form was cloaked in black, the cigarette smoke curling from his lips, lingering like a sinister whisper in the dusky air. He stood there with an unsettling casualness as if the weight of his presence meant nothing to him. He looked more dangerous than the last time you had seen him, if that was even possible. But you knew better. He was not here to offer a friendly visit. No. His intentions were laced with malice.
He looked like death himself.
“I swear, Arthur, this is the house. I saw her here,” Sean insisted, his voice taut with urgency.
Panic gripped you. No, no, no. You backed away from the window, the world narrowing down to the pounding of your heart and the cold sweat that broke out across your skin. One hand flew to cover your mouth, the other instinctively clutching Adia’s small head to your chest, as if you could shield her from the impending storm.
This has to be a fucking nightmare.
The dread of your past clawed its way back into your mind, and you jumped at the sound of another heavy knock, followed by murmured voices. The familiar cadence of Arthur’s tone sent a wave of nausea through you. It felt like a sinister echo from your past, threatening to shatter the fragile peace you had fought so hard to build.
What if Farris comes and they do something to him? The thought twisted in your gut, a dark cloud overshadowing your desperate need for escape.
No, please, God.
You raced to turn off the stove, the pot of simmering pastries forgotten, then dashed for the back door, your only thought to reach Farris or find help. But as you flung the door open, dread flooded through you. There stood Charles, frozen in place, eyes wide with a mix of surprise and something else, guilt.
"N-no, please...Charles.... don't. Leave me alone, I beg you..." you stammered, your voice trembling.
He took a step back, but his eyes betrayed him, brimming with remorse. "I am just following orders."
Before he could close the distance, instinct kicked in, and you slammed the door shut, your breath coming in panicked gasps, adrenaline coursing through you. Even Adia seemed to sense the shift in the air, her small body tensing against you as you bounced her gently, cooing in a feeble attempt to soothe her. But the noise around you grew louder, the panic rising like bile in your throat. You needed a weapon, something to protect her.
Suddenly, the front door was thrown off its hinges, splintering wood echoing through your small sanctuary. Heavy footsteps thudded against the floor, reverberating in your chest as you sprinted to Adia’s room, locking the door behind you with shaking hands.
Then came the shattering of the back door, another sound that sent your heart racing as you backed away in horror, retreating to the closet. You clutched Adia tightly, covering her mouth with your palm as silent tears streamed down your face.
Everything is over.
Everything you had built, your little heaven, was about to be shattered. The weight of dread pressed against your chest, making it hard to breathe. His anger was palpable, suffocating, reverberating through the very walls of your home. After all these years, if he had still found you, it meant he had been hunting you, waiting, and his patience had finally run out.
An impatient Arthur was not a forgiving one.
'Farris, don’t come home. Please, just don’t.' The words twisted in your throat, heavy with despair, as you whispered them into the darkness. It was the first time you ever wished for him not to return, and the realization shattered your heart.
“Shh, baby, please,” you murmured frantically, rocking Adia gently.
This time they didn't bother kicking the door, it was simply blown to pieces. The door frame splintered, and you could hear the heavy footsteps.
It took no longer than 5 seconds for him to fling the closet open and stare down, with eyes that now were empty. So different, so fucking different from the ones you grew up with.
"A-arthur..." You whimpered out shaking your head as if telling him to just forget all this and go.
"Grab the fuckin' kid, Charles."
"No- NO! NO! ARTHUR! Don't you touch her!" But it was futile for you to fight against the latter as he snatched her like a doll and took her out with Sean. You leapt after her but Arthur grabbed you by the hair and slammed you to the ground, wasting no time to pin and immobilize you.
“Had fun?” he sneered, landing a blow to your face that sent stars dancing in your vision. He held back, just enough to keep you conscious, but the intent was clear, this was just the beginning. “Oh I bet you did, right? While I worried sick day and night!”
The next hit came like a thunderclap, the sting of his palm echoing through your skull. “Fuckin' left after everything I did! Like I didn’t even fuckin’ matter to you at all! And then what do I find? That you are here, enjoyin' your life, OPENING YOUR LEGS FOR SOME GUY!?”
You coughed blood and managed to stop him from hitting again another "A-arthur, s-sorry. Please, don't...I'll visit you in the camp whenever you want me to, you can come here when-" He landed another slap and then gripped your chin with a bruising force shutting you up, the pressure on your throat tightening to the point where you struggled to breathe. You were sure that you were going to die then and there. His fingers dug in, a cruel reminder of the power he wielded over you.
“You don’t get a say in this,” he hissed, his voice low and menacing, a dark promise wrapped in each word. “You’re comin' with me, whether you like it or not. And if you make a sound, I’ll make sure your precious little lover pays for it.”
“NO! I-I’ll go,” you gasped, each word a desperate attempt to stave off the storm brewing within him. “I’ll go with you.” Adia's wails outside the room made the situation only worse, every fibre of your being just telling you to rush out and hold her to your chest.
Every fibre of your being screamed against this nightmare, but the thought of what he could do to Farris, the man who had given you a life, a family, made your heart race with terror.
Arthur’s grip slackened just a fraction, enough for you to catch a gasp of air, but his expression remained cold, and calculating. “You better mean it, or I swear to God, I’ll burn everything you love to the ground just to watch you squirm, just like you made me, for all these fuckin' years."
He yanked you to your feet, his grip on your hair forcing you to stumble forward, a reminder of his unyielding control.
“Adia…” you whispered, desperately trying to reach him with your thoughts. Pleading him pathetically again, once fucking again. It's never going to end.
He didn’t respond, but the sight of Charles trailing behind, cradling your daughter, confirmed your worst fears, they were taking both of you. The cold night air bit at your skin, amplifying the fear clawing at your insides. Sean’s sympathetic glance pierced through your growing anger, igniting a furious spark within you. You lost it when he mouthed a 'sorry'.
“Fuck you,” you spat, the words slipping out before you could contain them.
Arthur halted, his body tense as he turned to face you, fury simmering just beneath the surface. “The fuck did you jus' say?”
“I-” You hesitated, the weight of your situation pressing down harder with every passing second.
But before you could form a coherent thought, a voice shattered the night.
“HEY! (Y/N)! Who the hell are you guys!?”
Your heart plummeted. “FARRIS, NO! RUN, PLEASE!”
Arthur’s gaze flickered with annoyance, and without a second thought, he threw you aside like a ragdoll, sending you crashing into Sean’s waiting arms.
“What, not happy to see your brother-in-law?” Arthur taunted, a cruel smile spreading across his face as Farris stepped into view, his expression shifting from shock to rage, but he knew better than to lose his cool in front of these criminals.
It was the brother you had warned him about, the outlaw who had haunted your past like a shadow.
“Look, I know how you must feel,” Farris began, his voice steady despite the terror swirling around. “But we’re married now. You can’t just take her away from her family, Sir. Not like this.” His calm facade masked the storm brewing beneath, his protective instincts surging in response to the sight of you, bruised and at the mercy of men he had no trust in. Not to mention his daughter being held by one of them.
“How I feel? I'll tell you how I felt. I barely slept not knowing if she's even alive out there, in this brutal world, searchin' for her at every chance. How I feel, my ass,” Arthur’s voice dripped with venom, his eyes narrowing.
“You son of a bitch, you have no idea what I’m capable of.”
“Just let him go, Arthur, it's not his fault! Don't do anything to him! You can kill me if you want!" you pleaded, your voice breaking as you looked between the men who now stood as barriers in your life, one of them representing something you desperately wished to protect. “Please, don’t do this.”
Farris took a cautious step forward, his body tense, but he had to for his family.. “You don’t have to do this, Sir. She's your family, don't hurt her like this, don't take her away like this, from me, we love each other...please. Think of the child at least.." He pleaded, trying his best to win this losing battle.
"Is that so? Alright."
Arthur drags you forward, placing the pistol in your trembling hands. Farris stands there, helpless, his gaze moving from Arthur to you, filled with confusion and a sorrowful acceptance.
Arthur leans in close, his whisper twisted with venom. "You’re the one who ran, sister. You wanted this life, didn't you? Now, you end it. Show him you’re done."
You shake your head, choking back sobs. "Please, Arthur... don’t make me do this! Please!"
Arthur’s hand closes over yours, his grip unyielding, forcing your fingers around the gun. "No one to run to this time," he says, his voice laced with dark satisfaction. "If you want to keep breathing, you’ll do as I say. Or maybe he’d prefer a slower death? I’ve got time.”
“Do it,” he hisses, tightening his hold until the gun aims squarely at Farris.
Charles steps forward, desperation flickering in his gaze. He turns to Arthur, his voice low but urgent. “Arthur... come on. Just let him go,” he pleads, his hand shielding Adia's eyes. “He’s done nothin’ worth all this.”
Arthur’s jaw clenches, his eyes cold and unyielding as he keeps the gun levelled. “Stay the fuck out of this, Charles,” he warns, his voice a harsh whisper. “She made her choice the moment she left without a word. This is your punishment, ya' hear me?.”
You glance at Farris and the sadness in them nearly undoes you. His lips part, trying to reassure you even in his final moments. But the fear is there, and the heartbreaking acceptance, as he takes one last look at Adia in Charles's arms and then meets your eyes. He nods, just once, his lips moving in a silent farewell. “I love you both, never forget it and this isn't your fault. Remember that," he whispers, his voice barely reaching you.
Arthur digs his fingers into your wrist, forcing you forward. "Go on then," he sneers, "show him how much you love him."
"Fa-rris no, please, I love yo-" The words painfully get stuck in your throat, as you hiccup.
Your vision blurs, but with Arthur’s iron grip guiding you, your finger finds the trigger, pressed down by his strength, leaving you powerless. The shots echo through the stillness, ringing in your ears as you watch the light fade from Farris’s eyes.
4 shots.
He drops to his knees, his gaze still locked on yours, one last shuddered breath escaping him.
Arthur finally releases you, and you collapse, the gun falling from your hands as you sink to the ground, numb with shock and despair.
"See?" Arthur’s voice cuts through the silence, laced with dark amusement. "This was always your choice. Remember that."
“No!” you choke out, tears streaming down your face, screams sounding raw and primal, rip from your throat as your heart shatters into fragments. You lunged toward him, instinctually rushing to his side cradling him.
“Farris! No, no! Please, don't! I am so sorry!” Your voice was a repetitive haunting echo in the cold night air, but he didn’t respond. You couldn’t breathe, a flood of emotions clawing at your throat.
Arthur stepped forward, a sinister smile spreading across his face as he savoured your despair. "Guess, he just had to die today. Did a mistake comin' back. And you..."
With a swift movement, he grabbed your arm and pulled you away, dragging you toward the waiting horse tethered nearby while you thrashed and tried to reach back into Farris's embrace. “This is how you pay for your betrayal, to me and the gang,” he hissed, hoisting you onto the horse with a force that left you gasping.
“HE DID NOTHING WRONG! YOU FUCKIN' BASTARD! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL! YOU ARE ALL FUCKED UP!" you pleaded, tears streaming down your face, blurring your vision as you turned back to where Farris lay. The cold grip of dread consumed you, and every fibre of your being screamed for answers.
Arthur merely chuckled, a dark and chilling sound that reverberated in your ears. “Wrong place, wrong time. It’s a shame, really, right boys?"
He mounted the horse behind you, the weight of his presence suffocating.
You felt the horse begin to move, hooves thudding against the ground as the distance between you and Farris grew. You strained against the reins, desperate to look back, to Farris or to see Adia safe in Charles's arms but Arthur’s grip on your waist was unyielding.
“Stop! Please!” you cried, your heart racing with each passing moment. “Farris! Farris!” The name escaped your lips like a prayer, but the silence that answered only deepened the void within you.
Every beat of your heart echoed the same questions, how could he do this? Why would Arthur tear apart the life you had fought so hard to build? You started thrashing trying to jump off the horse and when that didn't work you started smacking yourself on the head.
“Stop wailing like a fucking lunatic,” Arthur growled, his voice low and menacing as he grabbed your wrists. “You’ll only make this worse for yourself.”
And so you cried, tears mingling with the night, an offering to the stars above, praying for the life you had lost and the love you had been taken from.
⋆⋆⋆
You stumble back into camp, hollowed out by grief, barely feeling the hands that try to guide you or the murmurs of people around. It’s like your own heartbeat is drowning out everything else, each beat a cruel reminder that you’re alive while he’s… Farris is gone. Every step feels heavier, like dragging chains through mud, and the weight of it pulls you into a fog that you can’t see your way out of. It’s all too much, and you can’t bear the thought of another breath in this place, under Arthur’s shadow.
Arthur’s voice comes from behind, gruff and dismissive. “Get her settled, Miss Grimshaw. She’ll calm down soon enough.”
It’s a trigger, hearing his voice, so callous, so indifferent. The anger wells up, fierce and desperate, drowning the fear as you pivot, finding him with your gaze. Arthur turns, catching sight of you just as your hand reaches out, fast and resolute, seizing the gun holstered at his hip. You grip it tightly, the cold metal a final, grim comfort.
“Hey!” Arthur’s eyes flash, more surprised than afraid, but he freezes, hands raised as if to placate you, assessing the danger in your expression.
“What’re you doing?” His voice is low, a warning, but there’s a crack in it, something uncertain. He’d expected grief, but not this.
You steady your trembling hands, the barrel pointed between you and him and everyone around. Your voice, a rasp torn from the depths of your pain, barely makes it out. “Why should I stay? Hm? After what you’ve done… after you took everything from me?”
Arthur’s expression darkens, his jaw clenched, but he doesn’t make a move. The camp falls deathly silent, all eyes watching. “You wouldn’t, stop it." He says, but there’s a flicker of doubt there. He didn’t think you had this in you.
“I have nothing left,” you hiss, the tears burning in your eyes as you hold his gaze. "Just...why Arthur..?"
Something flickers in Arthur’s face then, a flash of worry, but he schools it quickly. “Put it down. Now. You’re no good to anyone dead. Least of all that little girl of yours.” His voice cuts, striking right at the fragile remnants of your will.
At the mention of Adia, your grip weakens and you glance at her, your baby who will not even properly get to know her father. The thought of her, defenceless and alone, keeps you anchored just long enough for the fight to drain from your muscles. Your hands go limp and Arthur immediately takes the gun from your hands. You snatch your daughter from Charles, your knees hitting the dirt as the tears finally spill over, and Arthur is there, one hand resting on your shoulder as if he’s won some twisted victory.
But he can’t take your grief. That’s yours alone.
There were old faces and new ones at this camp, but you couldn’t bear to see anyone, each familiar visage only serving as a reminder of the life you once knew, a life that felt like a distant memory now. Even Annabelle has died, as Hosea informed you with a heavy heart. It just couldn't get any worse.
You spent days in a daze, confined within the solitude of your tent, surrounded by the oppressive security that hung in the air like a storm cloud and staring at your wedding ring sometimes, reminiscing about the fairytale of life that got snatched from you in a blink of an eye. Each moment dragged, your sense of time warped as you replayed the events that had brought you here, Farris, Arthur, and the unbearable weight of loss.
You hold Adia close, not letting anyone near her, not the women from camp who bring food and clean clothes, and especially not Arthur. Each time he approaches, there’s something in his gaze, a mix of guilt and a twisted sense of responsibility, as if he’s trying to make up for what he’s done. But you don’t forget, and you don’t forgive. Never.
You could never forget how he looked at her with disgust that day, his contempt for you and your choices etched deep into his features. Calling you all sorts of names. Reducing you to some mere wench.
He tries, though, lingering outside the tent with trinkets and offerings. Small things, toys he’s scrounged up from nearby towns, little comforts he imagines will make it easier for you both to settle in here. You can see the frustration tightening his jaw every time you refuse to accept anything from him, every time you turn your back, clutching Adia tighter.
“Y’ain’t lifting a damn finger here,” he announces one morning to the others, his voice rough with command as if he’s declaring some kind of victory over the damage he caused. He stands tall, as though he’s your protector now, trying to mould himself into something noble. “Keep her off chores, you hear?”
His words carry through the camp, but they’re hollow, a show for the others. To everyone watching, it’s Arthur taking care of his sister and her child, doing what any family man should. Yet to you, it’s just another layer of manipulation. His guilt is a quiet thing, veiled beneath the orders he barks, the food he insists you eat, and the rare times he offers to hold Adia.
Then, one fateful day, you discovered you were pregnant. The news came as a surprise, a sudden twist in a life already tangled in chaos. For a fleeting moment, happiness flickered within you, a light in the darkness. Yet, that joy was overshadowed by your relentless sorrow for Farris. You cried daily, the tears mingling with the hopes and dreams you had lost.
No one left to wait for now, no one whose warmth you could sink into at night, no one to smile at as you fuss with your hair, adjusting every strand just right. Who would make you feel seen and safe, someone to dress up for, to look at with eyes full of love, watching their gaze soften in return? Your hands remain empty now, the very same hands that Farris doted on , the fact that the last thing he saw was them holding a gun at him. Your heart would shatter physically every time you think about it if it was practically possible.
He wouldn't be here to witness the birth of his second child.
“If it’s a boy, what a fine addition that would be, right Arthur?” you overheard Dutch say one day, his voice carrying through the thin fabric of your tent. You cringed at the thought. You knew exactly what Arthur’s vision entailed which was a shadow of Dutch's, raising your blood, his nephew, to be just like him, a cold-blooded killer, a reflection of the darkness that now surrounded you. The thought filled you with dread, the prospect of your child inheriting that legacy.
You were going to raise your son like how Farris was. A gentle soul.
As you held Adia close, her soft breaths a balm against the tumult of your thoughts, it steeled your resolve. No matter the cost, you would raise your children to know love, to know compassion and to see beauty in a world that had torn you apart.
#platonic#platonic yandere#platonic headcanons#yandere rdr2#rdr2 community#rdr2 arthur#rdr2#arthur morgan x you#arthur morgan x reader#arthur morgan#arthur morgan x female reader#male yandere#yanblr#yandere male#yandere#yan blog#x sister reader#yandere brother#big brother#brother#possessive#yandere obsession#yandere x darling#yancore#red dead redemption two#red dead redemption 2#low honor arthur morgan
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I annoyed the shit out of a coworker friend today by stopping by his post whenever I could!!
He told me it was boring in that spot today since there wasn't much to do and barely anyone to talk to so I offered to stop by and just yell really loud to add entertainment and he laughed and said sounds great (a mistake on his part really)
So every 15 minutes or so for the next 2 hours, I came around and just yelled his name repeatedly until I got his attention and then said something random at first, but then I started to stop by and say "hey I just wanted you to know that: Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you"
Then when he caught on that I was going to say that every time he stopped me and said DONT so I said "no no, this time I have a message for (our coworker), if you have the time I'd like you to tell her, preferably before lunch, is that ok?" And when he said yes I said "cool, so the message is Never gonna give you up–" then I had to stop cause he screamed and I was laughing too hard, anyway it was very funny to me
I asked another coworker friend to stop by him if he had the time, to give him a message from me, which was of course: "never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down" I don't know if he actually told him but it's the thought that counts and it's a fun trick that will be of use later
Then I stopped the rickroll joke the next few times and eventually told him, ok I need to actually focus on work, but it had been my honour to annoy the shit out of him for two hours
Then I found how the work direct message system thing worked, we don't use it much cause it's annoying and it pops up over your whole screen when you receive a message, it's mostly the coordinators who use it to call us places sometimes, and it's annoying to type on there cause it's all caps, the keyboard on the screen is in alphabetical order and there's no space bar, so anyway I made it work and wrote a last "NEVER-GONNA-GIVE-YOU-UP" to him
he caught me before I left work and said the message caught him 200% off guard and made him laugh extremely hard, so success there too!!
Then my friend (that I asked to give the message earlier) was giving me a lift home and when we drove past the coworker victim he blasted Never Gonna Give You Up on the car speakers with the windows open, just to really wrap the day up perfectly and our coworker threw his arms in the air in exasperation it was fantastic
Committing to the bit paid off I think, great day!
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thinking a little too hard about akechi again (shocker i know) and i think the reason there are some people who don’t like him is because they’ve never been in his position.
akechi was almost doomed from the start. his mother committed suicide and his father never gave a shit about him and he was thrown into a system that didn’t want him and didn’t care about him. being a child and being so isolated and never feeling like you have any friends to support you or understand you is terrifying. and yes what akechi did in response to this was extreme, but he didn’t feel like he had a choice. he never wanted to hurt anyone but it was the only way he could get an ounce of attention from a father who didn’t care about him. i think people forget that he is still a victim even if the way he handled his trauma and isolation was wrong.
and then finding the one person who takes the time to understand you and learn you inside out, even if it’s not the person you expected or wanted. akechi wanted shido to understand him but instead found ren, and immediately knew he was something special. their bond was immediate, two sides of the same coin. and akechi never knew how to handle this, no one had never been this nice to him in his life, so he became hot and cold with him. he’d never been so open with someone yet so shut off from someone. he was so attached to him yet wanted to push him away at every opportunity because he was scared of hurting him. he wanted to tell him how much he meant yet ended up telling him he hated him because he didn’t know what else to do. and he started to regret what he did because he realised that he didn’t need to murder people to have someone take notice of him and like him for who he was. and realised if he met ren a few years earlier things would have been so much different for him.
and yes my own life experiences are nowhere near as extreme as akechi’s, but i understand being alone and finally finding someone who understands you and realising you’ve found your soulmate. i don’t condone what akechi did in response but i understand why he did what he did because it was a cry for help from him.
#just thinking about akechi again#he resonates with me so deeply its crazy#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#goro akechi#crow persona 5#crow p5#black mask akechi#shuake
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It would have been interesting if there have been a chapter where Ranma had been stuck as a guy and how they would react to that. There have been several where they are locked as a girl and try desperately to restore to normal. It always made me wonder how Ranma would react if they were locked as a guy since it's allegedly what they want.
At the beginning of the story, i would say Ranma would go back to how it was before, not having had time to really process the female form. Especially since they don't know that trans people are a thing that exists and that they would be allowed to be. Well, in principle, if there weren't Genma and Nodoka and pretty much the fact that it's Japan in the 80s. After maybe a week of living with the Tendos, she'd also go back to how it was before, but would always feel like something is wrong or missing, but trying to dismiss it. But it would nag at them. Near the end of the story, i'm pretty sure if it really happened, Ranma might initially say how happy they are, but show signs of being depressed and frustrated pretty soon. I give them a week or two at most. And at that point, they might realize that deep down, they never minded the ranma-chan label and body, actually. They even enjoyed it. It was just everyone around them giving them a hard time about it. (Or literally threatening to make them commit seppuku, which would absolutely make you mask and repress everything from the literal fear of death!) Ranma would then go out and try to get unlocked again. Not telling anyone else about it and, once achieving it, just acting like it started up again all by itself. Not-so-secretly enjoying her girl form again after regaining access to it. They try to be discrete about it, but maybe only the parents really buy it, the Tendo sisters would be able to see right through it, at least through the lie that it started back up all on its own.
Anyway, that's just my own opinion on how that would go down.
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You're a bit hypocritical with the let people have their opinions thing. They dissagtand make calm responses so your opinions, and you act hostile back. I've been as polite as I can but you genuinely made my mood die when I saw a reblog from you.
So, here's a few points I do not agree with to try and get you to understand and maybe (futility, likely) help you get past your illiteracy.
The "he's just like me fr fr has trauma"
By relating to myself, I'm trying to understand a characters mindset. I relate to sunny many ways and am trying to get you to understand the irrational mindset of a child. Him having trauma never excused him, it simply just made him frantic actions more understandable. Relating to myself again, as any other analyst would, when I experienced a traumatic experience with losing someone, I also tried covering it up. It's not the same as Sunny's, obviously, I didn't commit manslaughter. But loss is experienced differently. Omori is about the different ways to cope with loss, most, if not all being unhealthy. Every character has their flaws, so you can't hate one character without hating the other. All have their flaws, and Sunny's is that he runs away. Aubrey's is that she retaliates with violence, basils is that he doesn't accept it happen, kel's in that he accepts it too early as the therapist friend, and believes everyone else is overreacting, Mari's a perfectionist and is hard on sunny, and hero goes into a depressive state for months. But the thing is, omori is also about healing. They all heal. Kel learns he needs to help his friends accept it, Aubrey learns to control her emotions and accept others differences, basil, in the good ending, has the weight off his back and is able to accept what really happen, sunny overcomes his fears and faces everything, he finally makes past his cowardess for his friends and his own well good, and while mari never had the time to heal, I'm sure she was the first to forgive sunny, knowing her character.
2. 12-year-old would not feel "at peace" upon seeing his relative's dead body
He feels at peace that he doesn't need to worry about the repercussions anymore, as he didn't see the possibility of needing to say anything about it in the future. Again, he's naive and doesn't see future possibilities.
3. he's stupid, he doesn't know what a fucking lemon is, Now that is a new one. Stupidity doesn't grant you an examption from criticism.
I was referring, literally, to him calling lemons oragnes. He is naive to the reality of situations, and often believes what he dreams about. He hasn't been in school or anything, he doesn't know how to react socially.
4. it was a complete accident, It wasn't.
Mari grabbed his arm supposedly to keep him from running away to his room. He pushes her back to get away, and mari's bad knee ("omori, slow down! I can't go that fast with my *bad knee.*) gives in, causing her to trip. He didn't mean for her to fall.
If I said every other little thing I disagreed with, I'd be writing as fast as Alexander Hamilton writing the other 50-something letters out of 70.
Alrighty, so since the user I reblogged earlier apparently doesn't want to engage in any conversation with the people they're lambasting, I'm making my reblog a separate post. I'm nothing if not willing to talk :)
learning to forgive yourself even after seeing the full weight of the consequences of your actions, and realizing that you can still be loved and relearn how to love despite everything
1) "forgive yourself" I am not Sunny, and Sunny is not me.
2) Why should I be inclined to forgive an unlikeable asshole who killed his own sister because he's too self-centered to consider her feelings, lied about it to his friends, did next to nothing to show he cares about them during the game's events (the only time he tries doing anything for anyone is when he stops Basil's suicide attempt, and even then he contemplated ditching him again as a legitimate option) and then left them after revealing he lied to them for the last 4 years while bitching about how hard it is for him to live with the guilt?
Why should I root for him? I'd love to hear a reason other than "He has trauma!" or "He's the protagonist!" or "His love for his friends is shown via the dream world he has in his head!" or an ad hominem attack.
overcoming grief and realizing the world still moves on, with or without you, whether or not you think it's fair or if you blame yourself
OMORI isn't a game about overcoming the grief of a loss. It is a game about a character who's grapping with the well-earned guilt for taking another person's life and then lying about it. Those are quite different things.
Such an argument would've been applicable had Mari actually turned out to have killed herself.
You still have responsibility over your actions, and everything you do still matters,
Which is why the gang's reactions to what Sunny's done didn't matter enough for the game to show them, I suppose.
You still can change people's lives for the better or worse even if you think you aren't worth a second thought.
Sunny changed his friends' lives for the worse. And then he left.
I really enjoy this game can you tell.
Good for you! Doesn't mean others can't point out the main character is a nasty piece of shit and the writing has more holes in it than Swiss cheese, though.
I do think some people need to retake basic literature classes or touch grass perhaps
How classy. Is it because "some people" are not reading the game the way you want them to? :)
Look. You're well within your right to shove your fingers into your ears and go "lalalala I'm not listening!" when someone tries to explain their point of view to you and you don't like it. But you can't criticize people for different opinions when you refuse to listen to any explanations.
#I audibly sighed and concerned my mom while reading this#Bro has NOT played omori#Feels like I'm back in 6th grade trying to explain my hypersexuality diagnosis and some random guy yells out “WE DONT CARE” after they#Invited the conversation with open arms#You posted something online#People are going to have feedback. You don't need to reply to every little thing with hostility#I am simply returning the favor.#I'm a mori
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i did something insane and made minecraft map art of the four pulp album covers !!!
the images on the left are a bird’s eye view, and the right are the actual maps :]
more than 52 hours of work and a total of 65,536 hand placed blocks all the while listening to pulp :D (a total of seven times heehoo)
shoutout to the folks at brp for keeping me motivated and sane while working on this the past week love y’all
(please do not copy the work or repost these images ty <3)
@pulpmusicals
#i have never committed to something so hard#hi yes hello i am autistic why do you ask#this was the perfect crossover project of two of my special interests :]#i had to redo so many sections including a specific block on three of the maps i just now redid and it’s now 3:30am#i never want to see another diamond block for the rest of my life#minecraft#minecraft map#minecraft map art#minecraft pixel art#minecraft art#pulp#pulp musicals#the great moon hoax#the brick satellite#the ghosts of antikythera#the searcher in the shadows#autism#fanart#my art
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More Nonsense from My Ambrosius Stan Account Post:
As someone who got on Tumblr a couple years ago not really knowing the culture and rarely posts because I don't think anyone cares about the silly worms in my brain I'd like to give everyone who thought it was funny and left a like or a tag or a reblog a very I Love You and here is some more thoughts about it I had through the day that I thought nobody would care about but am posting now
The account was named @gold_loin_love and gained notoriety for being the only stan account Ambrosius actually followed
During the live stream Ballister answered the questions (that he had his followers submit beforehand) while still in character, despite the fact that he was laughing his ass off and Ambrosius was with him.
Example: "'Do you think Ballister and Ambrosius are going to get divorced?' Absolutely. They're terrible together and honestly not even cute. They probably had some cringy beach wedding with their weird pink child officiating. Ew, next question"
Ambrosius would frequently interject
"Do I think Ambrosius was toxic for cutting off Ballister's arm?"
Ambrosius, stealing the phone: "Yes he needs to be cancelled immediately."
Ballister, taking it back: "Wrong that weird creep deserved it to be honest"
He read a couple questions that were defending him and after giving them his joke answer about how they were wrong, thanked them sincerely
(sad time) The first thing he posted after the events of the movie, during which he obviously wasn't posting although how fucking funny would it have been to be Ambrosius and see Ballister's fake stan account post "lol get his ass I hope he died" over footage of him MAIMING HIM in light of all that was happening was "I'm sorry that I've been gone, the death of the Queen really took a toll on me, she was a real role model and inspiration of mine. I'm especially sorry to Ambrosius. I wish I hadn't run away. I wish I'd been there for you through all this, I know it must have been so hard. I really hope everyone forgives him."
(sad time over, silliness resumed) He'd use the account to make fun of Ambrosius and himself in every capacity imaginable
"Check out what Ambrosius wore to the national conference, I love how it's so shiny you can't tell how busy and incongruent the patterns are 😍 we love a maximalist king!!!"
"Ballister Ballhard surprises nobody wearing armor he got at the emo booth of a Renaissance Fair."
There is so much potential for this and I'd love to see more of Ballister being a silly goofball
#nimona#ballister boldheart#ambrosius goldenloin#goldenheart#idk tumblr culture if i do something wrong pls tell me#im always scared to post if i might commit a faux pas#and to the people who said they'd want to draw this or write or read about it#you have my every permission#and i love you#if someone made something inspired by my cringe brain?#id cry so hard i threw up from love#ive stolen so many people's headcanons for the jumbled fic in my google drive that will never see the light of dat
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I don't think this is Moe's first offense (saying something brazen/flippant) but I do think it's the first time it's called the King a bitch. And it won't be the last! The funniest part of Anna being the one to take charge and chew Moe out is that it gives Moe the opportunity to do The Exact Same Thing to Alfonse one-on-one (you know... to test the waters... to see how he feels about it....). Which it is. Also promptly chastised for.
FAVE PANELS...
#fire emblem#feh#moe really is. a type of guy. it immediately gets scared when anna first corrects it. so what does it do? dig the hole deeper. double down.#THAT REALLY IS MOE'S BRAVE FACE.... playing dumb or getting oppositional. sometimes both.#but it is NOT confrontational... epitome of i'm just a little birthday boy. EXTREMELY annoying type of guy LMFAOOO#i feel like anna has been v patient w moe up until this point. like this has to be a three strikes you're OUT situation.#and both alfonse/sharena have been such hard working straight and narrow types that. they have never seen anna like that.#I REALLY THINK. it's like. anna is The Literal Commander Of A Military Unit and also given her background#more or less she could have been killed for having an attitude like that. hypothetically. we don't know her background. BUT THEORETICALLY..#i like to imagine it does come from a place of that though.#also moe may be an authority hating shithead but it does VERY quickly come to respect anna actually.#you have to Earn it. be Worthy of it. it sees that anna is extremely capable and skilled and fair. it respects that.#so like... i think it genuinely doesn't want to upset or disappoint her. however... it does have ... moe tendencies.#anyways even though i'm in between a dozen things i just had to draw this out and i'm so happy i did tbh#i don't really know how anna feels about moe. but it IS extremely funny to imagine moe is just torn asunder by her at one point#AND. IT FULLY DESERVED IT. it is taking the L here.#ALSO THE FACT THAT ALFONSE IS PISSED TOO. IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME. moe you just fucked up big time#IT WAS TRYING. TO BE NICE. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#fe alfonse#sharena#fe anna#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics#also that is. a whole other comic. moe committing the offense again and getting sternly corrected#until it's like ooooohhh. wait. you actually respect your dad... okay. um. let me think of something else to say#LMFAOOO... i think third time's a charm. it doesn't dare say that to sharena. what if she cries. moe is also gonna cry. and thrup
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SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING
she feels so betrayed that she's looking at him with the most devastating and heartbroken expression. there are literal tears in her eyes. she has just walked in on the most emotionally devastating situation because its just proof that no matter what alfred will always trust uhtred and never trust her in the same way and I am sobbing and dying and SCREAM
#I'm having a moment alright#I'm having a time#I just#god god god god#look I know everyone's always like hahaha aelswith acts like she just walked in on them fucking why is she so dramatic BUT LISTEN#its ABOUT THE TRUST#its about the fact that she has never felt that she has the same level of trust and insight that uhtred has#its about the fact that alfred is constantly agreeing with her and then walking back on that and never telling her#its about the fact that she feels second no matter what#its about the fact that she is willing to sacrifice everything her children her life her dreams her hopes for him and she never gets#any acknowledgement in return#uhtred can commit the gravest of crimes and be forgiven and trusted and allowed to hear all of alfreds rawest thoughts but she isnt#she acts like she walked in on them fucking because a large part of cheating is the break in trust and thats what shes seeing#not the physical aspect but the emotional#she can deal with the physical and has her entire life#its the emotional aspect that kills her because its somethings shes worked so hard to earn and its proven to her in this most she never can#i have so many thoughts#so many feelings#I could go on#I need to stop#SCREAMING#aelswith my beloved#tlk aelswith
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I feel like November will be a difficult month for me again and I'm not looking for it
#morningtalks#Something about the specter of madness haunting me and kinda breathing down my neck right now#I barely coasted off a full mental breakdown by being utterly mad about a friend's dad being an abhorrent piece of garbage#And then watching a two hour long video essay as I played Little Kitty in a Big City (very neat game btw)#But I'm still in this odd ''close to a breakdown but not yet'' mood and I hate it#I hate how I'm starting to be good at knowing when I'll be out of patience and general stability for all the shit I deal with#I'm getting tired of having to be extra careful because my periods have a tendency of making me Even More unstable#I hate how easily I now know that if something triggers RSD or another one of my problems (and I've got a lot of them)#I'll definitely need to take one day off (at least) to do some damage control on how all-consuming and painful the reaction will be#I hate that I can feel that a month will be hard and being CORRECT about it#I just want to live in peace for once in my life. Is that really too much to ask?#And my friends help me a lot. I would be dead if it wasn't for them#But it's still so hard and I'm still so afraid and I still despise so many things about myself#And the guilt and hatred and shame that was wracking me the entire week has been horrendous to live through#And I know it's a fully irrational reaction#But I still feel all these things. All these thoughts still run around in my head. It is so horrible to love through all of this#I'm not going to commit suicide. I promised myself I never would and I'm too spiteful to do it now#(also. Very fun that one of the main reasons I'm still alive is spite. This world fucked me up yet I'm not leaving until I say I'm done)#But my intrusive thoughts will be really brutal this month I fear. I might genuinely have some vicious moments#I'll just try to have a low-stress weekend and just enjoy my time for myself#I can maybe try to write some stories (I say knowing how much trauma will be in there lol)#Or just do anything to not be alone with my thoughts too much#We'll see how this month pans out. I don't have a lot of faith in it but I could be surprised. Who knows?
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step 1 of watching suits: haha fun plot! look at this little guy pretending to be a law school graduate. yeah this won't have any consequences whatsoever
step 2 of watching suits: oh this little guy and that bigshot lawyer have some good chemistry. yeah they're both committing a crime by having him work at this new york big law firm but it's fun :)
step 3 of watching suits: they're actually facing consequences to their actions now, but oh god i don't want to see either of them lose. yes, they did something terrible but don't we all want to feel a bit special. don't we all feel stuck. doesn't our own ambition swallow us whole. don't we feel insanely loyal to the person who gave us everything. we're going down together. if you go, i go.
#caroline watches tv#suits#anyways. biting them. shaking them.#staring at the characters and laughing nervously because yes i know that they're doing awful things#but also i feel so much for them#i do feel quite a bit for mike because it's like. that frustration of knowing you could have been someone but then something happened#and you were shunted out of a life that you always wanted to have. and you're scrambling to get it back. you're trying so hard.#and when someone presents it to you on a silver platter. yeah you're gonna take it.#and also like. harvey.#like. yes he's morally grey or morally bankrupt (depending on who you ask) but it's like. you're this giant of an attorney who never loses#and you recruit this guy who you know is lying but you're never going to give up on him. you don't want anyone to leave you but you also#don't know how to ask anyone to stay.#which isn't much of an excuse for like. helping commit fraud.#but also. harvey can pretend he doesn't need anyone but the most pathetic truth is that he needs people so badly#and he has no idea what to do with that.#and tbh. i think when he saw mike. he saw a glimmer of something real and earnest and immediately decided to keep him.#and there's so much irony in that? the most genuine person he's ever known is also someone who's going to defraud an entire law firm#something tragic about that but also something so intriguing. anyways i'm normal about this show#i'm normal about them. etc.
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Idk why i'm getting into so many long form pieces of media. First of all i am reading superhero comics (from the beginning, most of the time). I've gone through the new teen titans and superboy, and now am trying to get through like 80 issues of batman (late in dicks robin run through jasons death) so i can read tims robin run. So i can read huntress then the outsiders then teen titans 03 then a billion other team-ups. And also steph/cass as batgirl and babs as oracle. And dick grayson nightwing. (And probably a lot more that i am forgetting right now) and i am reading the 80s wonder woman run. I'm also considering getting into Green Lantern and/or the Flash. Also i want to know so much more about Kara supergirl ever since i read Woman Of Tomorrow (i love and adore her). Then with marvel i want to get into spiderman/fantastic 4/daredevil, plus possibly the xmen. I have been reading comics so much this past year and have so much to read before i even get close to my goals of being knowledgeable.
Then i went "yeah, i will start one piece"
#idk why im doing this to myself#i will have so much knowledge at the end of this#i keep on going 'i should find a superhero themed trivia night'#even though i probably wouldnt know a ton bc it would be something super obscure ive never heard of#im trying so hard to get to jasons death though#i have like 25 issues. it is just a lot for something i am not super invested in#(i like him fine. it is just pre-retconned backstory and not my favorite)#and i would rather be reading tims robin run but i cannot read two gotham comics at the same time or my brain will explode#but in other news one piece is good#theyre early in the grand line exploration and are trying to save the princess#i think they are so fun and silly#i love the commitment to theme that the characters have#the different pirate crews kinda remind me of gotham rogues#everyone just chooses a theme and sticks with it#buggy the clown. kuro and his black cat pirates. the merman arlong. etc#super fun theming#anyways i still have over a thousand episodes to watch. than hopefully will catch up in the manga#if the plan works out and i dont get super bored and stop watching it at some point#i will not force myself to get through the whole thing if i am not enjoying it#that is reserved for my need to complete comics (to a certain extent)
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