#i have more doodles but im not gonna vomit them all out at once

[bitzi-bee]

Finished svss a few days ago my brain is rotting even more help

[mikavenz]

NOBODY ASKED but im gonna vomit all my thoughts about my OC nyo!philippines okay LETS GOOOOO

Okay to start things off let me just say that I will draw her (after my NA bros doodle) but my first headcanon is that she has long hair that she rebonds (like straightens?? idk if thats the correct term) her hair every now and then because she's naturally wavy. Not sure which bangs I like for yet but its probably gonna be side bangs for miss girl. I like imagining her hair to be a bit darker, nearing black, with brown skin, and shes also short.

Forgot to say that my OC's name is Maria Clara (MC) de la Cruz because that was the name I gave her when I was 9 years old and I'm sticking with it. I know that in 2016 that was everyone's name for her but idc its cute.

You already know that she's a good singer (boss asks that she performs during events sometimes while people eat) but what if I also HC that Maria's a great writer as well. Inspired by the works of Dr Jose Rizal, she tried to get her story told to the world in the late 1800s but was shunned because 1) she's a woman 2) she's a minority 3) she was colonized by Spain. She got into major trouble with Spain for attempting to publish her works. In her freetime, she writes poems and songs

She plays the ukelele and acoustic guitar

Okay hear me out but I like writing my lesbians with spice so lets just say that she and nyo!America have the worst on again of again cycle ever

The nyo!amephil post is coming right after this so I'll stick to writing about MC's feelings in this post

Maria HATED Amelia with a passion. She was so pissed when Amelia lied to her face and promised to save her. Amelia and Maria met when they were kids, when their mommas brought them both to a diplomatic meeting (Spain and England? Didn't end well) and they bonded over the will to be free. Amelia promised to free Maria someday.

Eventually American Revolution bla bla bla, and then Amelia made a big show of having to free the Philippines from the Spanish rule, including staging a big fake battle and everything (Battle of Manila 1898) and Maria thought that someone who she considered to be a good friend kept her promise

Also btw when MC was still colonized by Spain, she wrote letters to Amelia, some of conversation but mostly her writings and drabble and stuff

And man MC was pissed when she found out that Amelia was going to colonized her. Betrayed and hurt, she could barely believe when Amelia tried to calm her down saying it was temporary. Maria didn't care. She was LIED TO.

Even when Japan invaded and Amelia had to retreat that promise that she would return to help, Maria was still hurt and betrayed that she barely believed it

Sakura (pretty sure thats her name) was a lot more cruel to the Philippines than Spain and Amelia ever were. So strict to the point that Maria got banned from singing just because it was her outlet for her emotions.

She was so tortured and hurt in those years that she couldn't help but dream of Amelia coming to save her, but that was ridiculous. Amelia was a liar wasn't she?

Apparently not because not even a decade under Japanese rule, the Philippines was assisted in revolting and getting freed from Japan by America once again

Admittedly, Maria was happy but a part of her loathes the fact that she couldn't do it by herself. She wanted to be capable of her own independence.

Amelia saw this and although it meant they were no longer going to be united, she told Maria that she could be let go

A part of this made Maria feel upset because she couldn't fight and earn her freedom but she's also glad that the fighting was over if that makes sense?? Centuries without independence is tough so being handed it for free seemed like a dream

Well, Amelia did ask if Maria wanted to still be a colony of hers (so they could stay together forever) but Maria declined because she wanted to be free herself

Anyways boring history dynamics over, I think that Maria is someone who wants to prove herself with her talent and capabilities but is also constantly looked down upon by others

She's social, kind (see: that one time Filipinos welcomed Vietnamese refugees) and stunning but always feels like she has to prove herself

She cares about her public appearance a lot because being liked by the ASEAN, her cousins in LatAm, and by other nations because of her voice means a lot to her because centuries of being a colony made her feel worthless

ill probably reblog this with my design for her but yeah thats about it seeya

[ask-bolthead-crew]

Hey,really out of the blue,sorry,but do you have any tips how to keep drawing when im never even remotely happy with what i draw?I get the urge to draw something all the time but when i have a pencil in hand and a paper in front of me i just freeze,i get so terrified because i know its not gonna come out the way i want it to so i just dont,i dont draw anymore even though i want to,and i want to improve my art and do things but i just cant get over the wall. Sorry to bother, feel free to ignore

// So the first thing to remember is that you are DEFINITELY not the only one.Art is hard, especially when you're not happy with what you're doing. I feel that way a LOT. Another thing to keep in mind is that a bad drawing never killed anyone.Sometimes you have to make a schedule for yourself... one you get past those first couple of hurdles of thinking "this sucks," it becomes a lot easier.I'm not saying you have to be proud of everything you do. In fact, it's the complete opposite. For every good drawing you do, there will be about 100 fuck ups. There's this strange expectation we put on ourselves that everything we do has to be good, and honestly it's an unrealistic expectation.What you CAN do, however, is just get into the habit of forcing yourself to do it... even if it's just a few doodles a week.What I do is I have specific characters I'll doodle as a warmup... they're my go-to guys. Kid, Killer, Heat, and Wire are four of them... But I also have my own character, Muffler, that I'll use.These become go-tos for trying out new things or getting back into the swing of drawing. They're characters/things/whatever that you eventually feel comfortable enough drawing from memory and can draw anywhere.The biggest thing is creating a no-judgement zone for yourself. If you don't feel comfortable drawing, you won't. Simple as that. Once you allow yourself to mess up, or make some bad drawings, it becomes more like second nature. Every drawing you make is a step towards bettering your skill. Think of it as a tool, not a finished product. If you get frustrated, don't tear out the page and throw it away or scribble it out. Turn the page or go to a blank area and start again. Allow each drawing to breathe and exist, even if it looks like crap to you. You never know if it might spark an idea at a later point in time, and even if it doesn't, it becomes a record of how far you've progressed... and trust me, you want those.I understand how difficult letting go of that judgement can be. It's similar to writing- just allow yourself to vomit images onto a page first. Don't go into anything thinking, "This is the end-all-be-all, and will be a completed image." Life doesn't really work that way. I'll sometimes redraw sketches for asks three times before I finally go, "fuck it- good enough."The finished pieces will come later, and chances are you won't even recognize it when it's a solid work of art until like... a week after you force yourself to be done with it... especially because, as artists, we're forced to stare at the damn thing until we drive ourselves crazy.Learning when to call something done was also really difficult for me. What I started doing was, once I got to a point where I would make changes and then immediately erase them/try to fix them, I called it done. I'll leave you with something my mentor told me about a year ago:Art for me is not a passion. I don't LOVE making art. In fact, most of the time I'll look at something I've done and go, "wow this is garbage."Art is an addiction. I don't do it because I like it... I do it because I HAVE to. If I go too long without drawing, I feel physically (and mentally) ill. I get depressed and restless. It's these times when it's even harder to pick it back up again. Sometimes I wish I could be content working at a computer for a company. Unfortunately, that's just not how my brain is programmed.But sometimes you just get the strength to push through that block, and you will make some pretty incredible stuff eventually. It just a lot of mental gymnastics and a WHOLE lot of understanding and allowing yourself to make those 100 bad drawings before you make that one good one.You'll get there, I promise. It sometimes just takes looking at things from a different perspective.