#i have like 4 final essays and presentations to do

[lighteyed]

haven’t finished a book in weeks. haven’t written a word for fun in a month. god what have we come to

[sanarsi]

Welcome tooooo

you little slut 🫵🏼

All stories are written by me and most of them are intended for MDNI.

!If you are a minor, please leave my profile!

All stories are fiction and are not intended to offend anyone.

If you love Pedro Pascal and his characters, I invite you to enjoy

If you like any of my stories, please leave a comment/reblog, it means A LOT to me, thank you!

Also, all fics are available under this hashtag - #sanarsi fic

CONTENT MARKINGS

Fluff - 🧁 / Angst - 🫧 / Smut - 🦢 / Dark - 🕷️ / My fav - 🤍

*mini series include more than 3 and less than 5 parts

One Shots

Goddess 🧁🦢🤍

husband!Oberyn Martell x f!Reader

Just you and your husband who love each other very much.

Royal Vows 🦢

groom!Oberyn Martell x f!Reader

The wedding of members of the royal family carries with it obligations. One of them is the consummation of the marriage.

Eight woman 🫧🦢

Oberyn Martell x f!Reader

Oberyn is tormented by memories of you after you decided to leave him.

One Shots

Birthday present 🦢

Javier Peña x f!Reader

You're the daughter of one of Columbia's godfathers. Agent Peña decides to surprise you on your twenty-fifth birthday.

To be loved by a woman 🦢

dbf!Javier Peña x f!Reader

Javier Peña has been in your life for as long as you can remember. The perfect friend for your father. A gentleman with a charming smile and good taste. How can he resist you if he knows you feel the same way about him?

It’s just business 🦢

Javier Peña x informant!f!Reader

As one of the drug cartels' representatives, you were incredibly useful to Agent Peña. However, he can't stop his habit of fucking his informants.

Forbidden fruit 🦢 part 2 for "It’s just business”

Javier Peña x informant!f!Reader

Your affair with Agent Peña was wrong and you both knew it. But how could he resist you when he was starting to fall for you?

One Shots

Betrayal

coworker!lover!Jack Daniels x spy!f!Reader

Coming soon

Mini Series

Sex, Drugs and Rock’n’Roll 🧁🫧🦢

rockstar!Frankie Morales x f!Reader

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Young rock star Frankie Morales and his band "Triple Frontier" are slowly climbing towards fame. Your luck allowed you to meet him when they were still playing in bars. The passionate feelings that arose between you opened the door to a completely different world. Sex, drugs and a lot of Rock. The road to the world of fame is never strewn with roses and the problems you encounter put many things to the test. What can come out of the mixture of the three most addictive things in the world if not chaos.

One Shots

Gardens of Eden 🦢🤍

Din Djarin x goddess!f!Reader

Another bounty hunt goes wrong when he comes across a creature whose influence changes his view of everything.

One Shots

Lovely Mornings

Marcus Moreno x nanny!f!Reader

Coming soon

One Shots

Flying days and nights 🫧🤍

ex-boyfriend!Dieter Bravo x f!Reader

You and Dieter broke up because of his addiction. Despite that, he's going to do anything to have you in his arms again.

One Shots

Pink Braids 🧁

no-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Joel decided to take his daughter on vacation for a few days. The sea and the beach were the perfect destination for a short break. Joel could never resist Sarah's charms. The stand selling colorful braids was no exception.

You’re doing great, sweetie 🦢

no-outbreak!professor!Joel Miller x student!f!Reader

You came to your professor to ask for help with your essay. He accidentally discovers one of your dirty secrets which is him.

Controversially young girlfriend 🫧🦢🤍

post-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Joel finally finds his brother. He's not too happy to hear how he got on with his life without him. But his brother is also not happy to meet his new partner - you. Or Joel fucks you to comfort you.

One of your girls 🦢

post-outbreak!Joel Miller x virgin!f!Reader

Joel was known for treating women well in bed. That's why, on your eighteenth birthday, you decided to give him your virginity.

We Have It All 🫧

pre/post-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

You and Joel were separated by the outbreak.

Without Me 🫧

post-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Joel was not a good man and the consequences of his actions eventually caught up to him.

Man’s Love 🧁🦢

no-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Joel is your neighbor who doesn't hide his feelings for you and won't give up on winning your heart despite your rejections.

Private lessons 🦢

no-outbreak!instructor!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Joel gives you private horse riding lessons.

Everything we did that summer 🦢

step-uncle!no-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

You resisted getting close to Joel, afraid of what might happen then. Well, his affection for you destroyed everything you had worked for.

Summer 2014 🦢

bfd!no-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

What happens if you find out you're attracted to your best friend's father? Well, Joel is more than willing to show you that.

But daddy, I love him! 🫧🦢

older boyfriend!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Your controversial old boyfriend is back from his deployment. Your father is against your relationship. Or Joel fucks you on his motorcycle.

Sweet treat 🦢🕷️

perv!neighbor!Joel Miller x f!Reader

You came to your family home for a vacation. The obsession that is born in Joel pushes him to do very bad things.

Euphoria 🫧🦢

professor!Joel Miller x student!f!Reader

One wrong call led to this, that instead of your boyfriend, it's your professor who picks you up from the party.

Your faith 🫧🦢🕷️

post-outbreak!dark!Joel Miller x f!Reader

You are locked up, at the will of your tormentor who only wants you to love him.

Favourite Lamb 🦢

post-Jackson!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Joel finally has what he wanted – a quiet life, a farm, and you. After a hard day at work, you're eager to take care of your man.

One Shots

Victory’s your only payment 🫧🦢🕷️

lover!Marcus Acacius x f!Reader

Your general has betrayed you. Your anger is greater than the love you have for him, so you send him to the arena to fight for his last breath.

One Shots

Paid internship 🦢

professor!Reed Richards x student!f!Reader

You don't have enough money to pay for your internship. Prof. Richards finds another way for you to pay him back.

Physics in Practice 🫧🦢

stepfather!professor!Reed Richards x student!f!Reader

You accidentally discover that your stepfather has a shameful soft spot for you. Reed has to deal with everything you decide to serve him after that.

Cheri Cheri Lady 🦢

stepfather!Reed Richards x f!Reader

Your stepdad fucks you on a sun lounger.

Girl Meal Series 🦢

Pedro Pascal characters x f!Reader

AU where all four boys are your friends and provide you with one, very intense day. From breakfast to dessert.

Kinktober 2024 🧁🫧🦢🕷️

Pedro Pascal characters x f!Reader

31 kinks with 10 Pedro Pascal boys for each of the 31 days of October

Okay so that’s it bestieee

Hope you enjoyed xx

[kaizenproductions]

Natsu does NOT have any previous experience with romantic love

This is the (better) Tumblr version of my post from Twitter. Given the format of this website, I'll add some details to what's already written.

Before starting with this, I want to clarify that the motivation to write this post has little to do with nalu itself (it will be mentioned to highlight a point though). Having previous romantic partners DOESN'T really make any ship invalid. You'll find the actual reason behind this essay under the cut below.

This is about how Natsu, as a character, is never presented or seen by others as someone who has experience with love and such idea is never hinted or implied anywhere in the canon material. This lack of experience explains why Lucy thinks he has no interest in it.

As we will see later, Lucy isn't the only one who thinks like this... Let's get started.

Year 2024. Why writing all this? Some weeks ago I was involved in a discussion about whether Natsu was being OOC during a filler (non canon) scene of the anime where he snaps at Lucy in a way he never does with any of his friends in canon material. The discussion led to this...

I didn't want to assume that this person was taking Lisanna as some kind of first love. At the end it turned out that was exactly what was happening. The proof? The most platonic reunion ever... with Happy reacting the same way as Natsu and comedy being included. It is important to highlight that Mashima never makes two people between whom there have been romantic feelings reunite like this, with comedy references in between that downplays the seriousness of the moment to some extent. While this post is about Natsu and his feelings, I could also mention Lisanna's reaction to this, something that proves that there wasn't even a one sided love: after noticing this Natsu is the same one from her real dimension, she doesn't start crying because of him but because of her siblings.

Let's ignore the part where this dude started calling me and some other users "retards" because that speaks volumes for itself about his lack of real arguments. After all, he has been fighting for at least 4 years with teens over power scaling, a topic he may seem to be knowledgeable about but actually isn't so much, plus he has been banned from at least one Discord server because of his r4pe threats. It seems this individual was so obsessed with that specific thing that he said Zeref did it to Mavis and that's how August was made... That also speaks volumes about his media literacy and the fact that even if it's true that he did read the manga so many times as he claimed during this discussion, he has serious problems with reading as a normal person. When it comes to the topic of this post, the problem is that he has some influence within the fandom, at least on Twitter, so whatever he says is something that many of his followers will start repeating.

What does Mashima do when Lisanna finally comes back to her original home and she gets a proper reunion with everyone?

After the initial shock from seeing Edo Lisanna in Earthland and the big reveal, this is how Natsu reacts.

This isn't a reunion that suggests that Lisanna is special compared to everyone else in the guild, and particulary to those who grew around Natsu. Also, we can't say Mashima just doesn't know how to write such scene properly... because he's written it at least once (in Rave).

The emotion you can feel in this scene, the way ONLY both lovers are on the spotlight and the rest of their friends are in the background until the end... Well, the difference is so obvious that it's ridiculous to say more. Given how well Mashima handles the emotional dimension of his characters in his mangas, the possibility that he didn't know how to depict two lovers who got separated from each for some time due to circumstances beyond their control is off the table.

Also, notice how the end of the Edolas arc depicts this.

The difference with her reunion with Natsu and the others is so obvious that there's no need to say more.

We can also discard Lisanna as a former love interest because there's no akwardness between them once she's back to the guild. They can be seen playing together and briefly interacting from time to time, so it's not like they're avoiding each other.

Is it implied somewhere that they had something beyond friendship? Not in any kind of canon material. Every time Lisanna is mentioned in regards to Natsu she's presented as a close childhood friend. We have, for example, her profile from one of the first chapters where she's back home and the information of the official magazine that was released 10 years ago.

But what if they simply stopped loving each other due to being separated, as a fellow nalu shipper told me on Discord? Making characters fall out of love is something that Mashima also references (see Macao pic a bit below). It also goes against what we saw regarding Erza and Jellal, who still had romantic feelings for each other despite their antagonistic positions for many years, or against the whole Zeref and Mavis thing. In other Mashima mangas we have more couples like this. Elsie and Justice still loved each other despite being sworn enemies, and Let still loved Julia (and vice versa) when he discovered she was alive, a kinda similar scenario to Natsu and Lisanna if they had been lovers. Given that Natsu and Lisanna weren't even enemies to each other at any point and they were only separated for two years, we can't say they had something canonically and they simply got over it with no actual reference to it.

There was a very good moment to reference past feelings in 100YQ: when Touka includes Lisanna in the group of women "around Natsu".

Instead of offering us a comment like "it's not like that anymore", Lisanna just says something that implies they're not that close. After all, Natsu is hanging out with his team most of the time since it was established.

What's the reason this fandom has been so many years discussing about this friendship? Because the first anime adaptation goes beyond that friendship and the manga omake where both of them take care of Happy's egg, something Lisanna decides to help with because she loves animals and she felt Natsu wouldn't do it properly. The first season includes several fillers that pave the way for a love triangle, presenting Lisanna as a girl who is VERY interested in marrying Natsu when they're adults. In addition, Happy is presented as their son, something that totally goes against the source material. Even if Natsu is the one who saw Happy be born and was living with him since then, Happy is never considered as his son and is always called a nakama/companion/friend.

This long thread has everything that A-1 and Satelight added in regards to Natsu and Lisanna. As we can see in the info provided in one of the first tweets, Mashima let them "edit" the story the way they wanted to and it's mentioned explicitely by both him and Ishihara (the director) that Ishihara is responsible for those additions, not Mashima. We also can't say the additions were something Mashima asked for because he couldn't include everything he wanted in his manga for some reason. This is supported by the fact that Lisanna is never presented in the manga as any kind of romantic interest after she comes back.

There's also this tweet from 2012 where Mashima replied to someone asking him whether he was involved in the story of the anime. His answer is no.

It's also important to say that these fillers aren't canon: they're not referenced in the source material (the starry key arc was, even if Mashima wasn't involved in the writing), they're not referenced in the anime itself after Lisanna comes back and they have no impact in the events of the story during and after Edolas.

Currently, thanks to Mashima's Twitter Spaces, we know two things: he revived Lisanna because some people in the anime staff liked her (Ishihara is one of them for sure), which explains why she's not very relevant and is always tied to her siblings, and he once considered to include a love triangle between Natsu, Lucy and Lisanna after Edolas, but he liked Natsu and Lucy's dynamic by then enough to not introduce such storyline. He also said Lisanna was "だめ" in regards to that triangle that never came to be, implying that she would have been the one that doesn't get the boy in that scenario.

So is Lisanna our supposed former love interest? As far as the canon material goes, no. Was she close to Natsu? Yes. Is she dear to him? Yes, just like everyone in his family, the guild, is (I can't believe I'm writing this in fking 2024). Now, what if there was someone else? The assumption that characters may have dated another (unnamed) character offscreen isn't totally crazy. After all we saw how Juvia dated Bora, even if it was a narrative tool to show that not even dates would make Juvia stop being depressed. However, we can't say there was someone else as more than a headcanon unless it's implied or mentioned somewhere explicitely. We know Macao was married but got divorced thanks to the official magazine, for example.

When it comes to Natsu, nothing is ever mentioned.

100YQ, the official FT sequel, has several pannels that go against the whole idea of Natsu being experienced with romantic love. As I mentioned at the beginning, even others from the guild, and especifically Macao in this pannel, who knows Natsu since he was a kid, have a hard time believing he's interested in love.

This part of the story includes a very interesting pannel that also debunks the whole idea that Natsu felt more than frienship for Lisanna before she was transported to Edolas.

Why would Lisanna's brother react like this over such comment if Natsu and his sister had romantic feelings in the past? Easy: because those feelings never existed.

Even Lisanna is a bit surprised when Touka expresses her interest in him.

Previous romantic experience would also mean that Natsu's relationship with Lucy would be more advanced than it is as of now, not to mention this recent scene.

Natsu is still quite dense with romance, even when it doesn't involve him, and while he talks about his and Lucy's kids they still have a long way to go due to his total inexperience in this area as of now. Someone with past love experiences wouldn't be like this. I could say more about this but this isn't the post for it so...

Conclussion: the first season of the anime did a lot of damage that resulted in many years of discussions, fights, misogyny towards both Lucy and Lisanna. There was no childhood or teen love, no jealousy from Lisanna when she saw how close Natsu and Lucy were as a team and nothing suggests that Lisanna was more than a friend in canon material. Claiming the opposite at this point of the story is useless.

[emidealia]

☆ timeless what's AWAITING YOU next month ☆

Hey lovelies! Bienvenue! This is a PICK A CARD tarot reading is about what you need to hear about your upcoming month, starting pretty much from where you are right now. Choose a picture from the top 1, 2 or from the bottom 3, 4. Be kind and take with you only what applies. Take a deep breath ...and enjoy!:)

★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★

pile 1

Nurture your Goddess energy

Main thing you’ll focus this month is bringing back rosy feeling(fresh, sweet, gorg). You have a tendency to not feel like a boss a— bitch and this is rooted in trauma from home/finances and results in lack of trust, confidence in yourself. Perhaps not feeling “clean” or not having a romantic lifestyle like others around you and on internet. It is affecting how you express your mind, the way you present yourself etc. Because you don’t really believe in yourself you treat yourself as such. The way back from this is from outward actions too. This month you’ll start prioritizing having a put together bedroom, aesthetically pleasing desk and thought-out hairstyles, makeup and outfits. Healing feminine energy will be truly empowering for you. Look into that! When you act confident you start gaining back your power, truly believing and feeling worthy and divine.

Don’t deny it, there’s a lot you could do in your situation. There’s absolutely no point in sitting in your despair, hoarding sadness, feeling pathetic. Literally no one else cares, no one will come feeling sorry for you and no one but yourself can save you. Be known for having built yourself up or are you envisioning yourself in the same pile of pity years from now, only more bitter? If you can change it, stop whining and change. If you can’t, then there’s no point in whining either, it’s out of your control. But be honest.

Back to what you can do. What is it that creates a spark in you? Even the smallest of desires to get yourself together. For example late at night on pinterest or the right tiktok hitting the spot, maybe the right friend or seeing what your interests can accomplish. Journaling, vision boards, meditating, working out, waking up early, podcasts. Gather everything that sparks the motivation to start something, change sth about yourself, chase your dreams and such. Use these things to your advantage, learn what helps your mind to stay focused, body to stay healthy. Learning about the way you can motivate yourself with your actions, you’ll trick your brain into being more confident as the brain changes everyday according to your surroundings. I do recommend notion for putting down your plan to renew yourself, music, habits, dreams, routines etc. This month you’ll be in your element and succeed babe. Love the process, love yourself, you are so goddamn worthy of living as you desire. You are divine as fuck, you lack nothing!

★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★

pile 2

A long period came to an end. School term, finals, relationship, friendship, lease on sth or a project? Even though it’s over, rather than being grateful, glad, you visit the situation and feel a bit guilty, uncertain, could you have changed the outcome, said/done it better or been more present? Yeah, no, stop, it’s useless. Maybe you could have, how about that? Nothing to do about it anyways. Find peace for yourself human! You are in the now, it is certain that storm is over and be glad.

MOVING ON. Too much overthinking, man, this time about the future. You are tiring your mind, so much is going on, like the 13 open tabs and there’s music, screaming, a random question about lemurs and existensialism video essays. A lot of escapism, wishing someone would make the decisions for you or being far away from here, doing nothing. No no no. You can’t give away your oppurtunities and potential, you’ll learn a lot from this. You are destined for greatness. I’ll be honest this month there are a few days of feeling shitty but it’s in your control and nothing you couldn’t deal with. Also nothing you haven’t done before so this may be a reoccurring lesson. Main question is, how tf to sustain yourself? In healthy-ish coping mechanisms please. Learn to find something stable in your life that doesn’t fall apart if everything else does.

Main focus this month is about concious progress, intentional advancements. Things will get better, you’ll keep pushing forward, along with much success and enjoyment. You can shape your career, hobbies, plans in according to your own timetable, if you make the needed choices. In this upcoming period you need to be grounded and ready to jump at oppurtunities. You are ambitious, career-driven, but a step back does not kill you. It’s actually essential to sustain yourself. Your brain is a resource, for too long you have used it only for work, being in survival mode, resulting in feeling drained out of power.

I know how hard it is, but take a break, several breaks, a vacation even. Learn to do nothing more than just exist for once. Loving yourself for you, not just for your work validation. That’s also something you should tak einto consideration this month. Separating yourself from performance statistics in your job. If you give it so much control it can really eat you up and destroy you. But you are more than that, am I right? I bloody am, you are an amazing person. Reconnect with yourself, with more humanity. Get rid of the need to be perfect. You really don't need to. Truly okay if you couldn't do your best, or just didn't. It's okay.

Being mentally ready, feeling present and being truly glad to wake up to experience the world is pretty awesome. You’ll be ready for anything then. Love you for you!!! Kisses and hugs, muah :)

★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★

pile 3

Right away, when starting this pile I was full of the feeling YOLO, let’s do it :D. Spring is coming. Oh the cards made me smile right away. Attracting like a rose, receiveing abundance, you have a right to your joy. Screamiiiiing in joy. I’m obsessed. You have noticed how easily you manifest, right? The little things just flow to you. This is your time: vision boards, letters, writing down your wishes, affirmations, being grateful. You’ll receive everything you manifest right now.

Fall into the mystery, when you receive oppurtunities take them. Your manifestations come in different forms, what you might gain may be hidden but you will receive what you desire for sure. If an offer sparks feelings in you, the ,,what if ;)” type. DO IT! It’s your soul calling. If you want to advance creativity, learn new skills or gain a little money, you might do it in a different way you anticipated. I sense some workshops or little jobs, it might not be exactly what you thought about when manifesting but it’s like such a cute opportunity to also take some time off. It will be easy and safe to you, in a good way. Your boss or the manager and colleagues will be such great people, you’ll gain so many connections. I hear some teamwork is in order. I feel you will be receiving abundance in the form of what your inner child loved to do. You’ll be connecting to that forgotten side of yourself. I think you are aware of the hobby, but forgotten the potential of it, the joys it can bring you. This can turn out to be first of all an amazing way to connect to yourself, but also a way to gain mental well-being and little side cash. It will offer emotional and physical things, like the joy of creating art and having paintings in your home or selling prints on internet.

I just need to put this out there that it will be something you can connect over with your future significant other too. This shared joy for a hobby is truly pure, healing and sweet. You may even meet through this. Yep they are amazing, but don’t take your focus on romantic validation, you know better. There’s this beautiful saying. If you spend your time chasing butterflies, they'll fly away. If you spend your time making a beautiful garden the butterflies will come to you. And if they don't come, then you still have the beautiful garden.

STAY LOVELY!

★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★

pile 4

I started the reading with bits of confusion and come clumsiness but in a free nonjudgemental chill way if that makes sense? Pfft oops:D anyways … You are the essence of confidence, self acceptance, at least you are perceived that way. You know your needs, you don’t resist when you need a break, you ask and you receive. Great standards, others must accept you like u do. Just like it should be. I am enchanted by your energy and I’m not the only one. This month you’ll keep on shining like you are, taking it to another level. Others will be greatly motivated by your ability to be in total control of your life, caring for your wishes and needs with trust. Main focus this month is advancing your everyday things: style may be the most prominent, also smaller things like a new type of go-to food or coffee you swear by. You’ll have great luck in finding new items for your wardrobe and new ingredients for recipes. So saying yes to going thrifting or buying mysterious exciting things will be rewarding.

Traveling to a neighboring city or country most likely alone. A great refreshment for you. I see you safely wandering in the evening, finding cool bars, cafes, museums, talking and hanging out with strangers but essentially making new friends and learning about people. This is something that really interests you, finding out about different subjects, talking to strangers, learning about different opinions and world views. At the same time, you will also develop your own hobby, photography or filmmaking, writing or doing remote work.

So to sum up, this month is about great curiosity, travelling, charming, communication with new people, developing your style and pursuing a hobby. Life is a grand adventure!

★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★★--★

[z0mbiekisses]

Another request QUEEN!! I loved loved loved the Josh fic it was amazing and has me coming back for more! First of all though, how are you? I realised we haven't talked much before lol. Anyways, my amazing spectacular request!!

RAB Tyler who is best friends/hiding his feelings with the reader. She's someone who works super hard, gets good grades and almost drives herself insane with all the extra curriculars she does yet still doesn't feel good enough. After having a stressful day she stops by his house feeling worthless and he comforts her, refusing to let her believe she's not amazing.

Thanks bestie!

AHHH THANK YOU BFF!!!🤗🤗 thank you so much for requesting more, you’re always welcomed i LOVE your ideas . i did kind of write this in a highschool setting 😣😣.

i’m okayy, very tiredd BUT we’ll push on through (hehe)💪 TYSM FOR ASKING, how are you??😁 it’s always nice to hear from you 🫶

thank you guys so much for ur recent support!! it means smmm, sorry this took so long and it’s short, i have some more things in the drafts that hopefully make up for it 🫶 requests are opened !!🩶

THIS IS ME TRYING !

i always did my best. in school, life, everything. i needed to get into college, i NEEDED to get out of my house. however, college isn’t cheap. and i don’t exactly have the best support system, so it’s up to me. i’m in film club, national honors society and student council. i spend whatever free time studying or at my best friend, tyler’s house. it’s overwhelming, but i didn’t have many options. if i wanted to get into a good school and start living my life the way I want to, this had to be done. but today was rough, i spent all of last night finishing my college essay just to go to school bright and early the next day. i was so exhausted, but what else was new. except i had a test in my first two classes, a presentation for national honors society. and i had to stay late for a student council meeting.

i was used to the stress, however today was just awful. every little thing that could go wrong went wrong. i was late to school because my car broke down, which meant i missed taking the test. i tried to beg my teacher to still let me take it but he only said he'll think about letting me make it up. i NEEDED to take this test, it was a huge part of my grade. it wasn't fair. i gave my presentation for NHS, which went fine. except everyone's presentations were WAY better than mine was. it was obvious the amount of effort and time they spent on it, sure i put effort into mines. i was just missing the time, since i stayed up all night wednesday putting it together. i felt like an idiot. i sat alone at lunch, i only shared my lunch period with one of my friends. but she was busy hanging with her boyfriend. i ended up skipping and just spending the time volunteering at the library. the more hours the better. the day seemed to drag on, especially since i had to stay later. like most if not all the other kids who did student council, we were only doing it for our college applications. i didn't get along well with the other kids. not in the way where we would fight or anything. they were all just so pretentious and snobby. they would always undermind me, as if i could never be an intellectual individual like them. i spent the whole 4 hours i had to stay there wanting to stick my face in a hot pan of oil. when it was all FINALLY over, i sat in my car for a minute. i felt so.. worthless. everything i did didn't feel like enough, maybe it wasn't enough. what's the point of doing all these things if i wasn't even good at any of it? it wasn't long before tears filled my eyes. but i watched as the other kids from student council walked over to their fancy cars. and i realized the last thing i needed was for them to see me crying in car that probably should've been in a junkyard AGES ago. i didn't want to go home, my parents would only make me feel worse. i called tyler and asked if i could come over. he said yes and with that i drove over to his house in silence. my thoughts racing through my head were the only things i could hear. i will never be good enough. for anyone, for anything. what is the point in even trying?

eventually i knocked on tyler's door. to which he answered with a smile. it was a struggle for me to return one back. i didn't say anything at first, tyler was telling me about some story about him and josh. i couldn't focus though, my head was spinning. tyler noticed, he reached out and touched my shoulder lightly. "what's going on y/n?", tyler spoke softly. i tried to shrug it off, but tyler was more stubborn than i was.

"i know you're not okay, what's up?", tyler looked over at me softly. i wanted to tell him not to worry about it. my problems were stupid anyways. but i knew tyler wasn't one to let these kind of things go.

"what is the point of trying if i'll never be good enough.."

"trying to do what?"

"everything.", i let out a sigh.

"all i do is try, try, try. and yet i always fall short every single time i mean- it's exhausting.", as much as i tried to fight it tears fell from my eyes.

"i'm not good enough i-"

"y/n please.", tyler reached out and held my hand.

"you are more than amazing. you are the most hard working, driven person i know."

"you have to say that-"

"i mean it.", my cloudy eyes met tyler's brown ones.

"i think you're more than enough, you have such amazing things ahead of you. and that's all because of your dedication. i'm so proud of you.", i practically fell into tyler's arms. he rubbed my back as he spoke over my muffled sobs.

"you're so perfect to me y/n, i admire you.", those word silenced the negative thoughts pounding in my head. tyler's arms made me feel safe. i finally felt okay. i always knew tyler had a way with words thanks to his music. but this was so much better than that. i finally felt like i was enough.

“look at me y/n.”, i hesitated for a moment before i lifted my head up. this was the closest we’ve ever been, our inches only inches away from each other.

“i think you’re so lovely.”, my cheeks flushed a little bit. tyler’s compliment making my heart skip a beat.

“as long as you think so.”

[explodingchantry]

I have a video essay planned for my opinions on the confused (not confusing, but confused) politics of dragon age and it will be like 7 hours long with only 3 views but it will be the best essay I'll ever write. As part of it I want to include sth interesting I've realized in my da2 replay: that of the different ways the qunari conflict and the mage conflict are written.

See, both conflicts are meant to be nuanced but actually have a pretty clear answer based on our own real life liberal ideals. For the qunari conflict, the ideal is "don't be fucking racist": characters who are openly bigoted against the qunari such as sister petrice are ridiculed by the narrative, which is obvious in the framing of all quests in which she takes part and in the dialogue and within the game itself; the enemies you fight which aid her are called "fanatics" and "mob" within the game. It is nuanced in that the qunari aren't exactly... Friendly, and they have a history of colonialism of their own, but the narrative is actually still pretty black and white. They remained peaceful for 4 years in spite of numerous provocation, until their literal most important cultural and religious artifact was refused to them which led them to violence to retrieve it. It's nuanced because it isn't "the qunari are fully innocent" but also isn't "the qunaris are cunts and the racism was warranted". The qunaris are people with flaws that deserve criticism outside of the fact that they're qunaris. The narrative is very clear that those who hate qunaris on principle are bigoted idiots.

For mages, and furthermore anders, suddenly the narrative is more muddled. You could argue it's because the situation is more complex, and in some ways you'd be right. But I was shocked upon my replay of how often anders' sanity is put in question. How even a hawke who ROMANCED HIM will call him deeply troubled to defend him, or downright call him crazy... Once again whilst defending him. The latter is admittedly partly due to purple hawke options sometimes just being.... Downright disrespectful and mean, but it remains striking. Even more so when you note how often anders' rejection of templars and the chantry are rejected by other characters, including mages themselves, whilst fenris' vitriolic hatred of ALL MAGES REGARDLESS OF BACKGROUND is only challenged by anders - who, again, gets his sanity questioned several times throughout the game, minimizing the perceived value of his opinions - and potentially hawke, sometimes, in a few dialogue options.

And don't even get me started on the whole blood magic portrayal lol.

You could attempt to say that, well, while the writers wanted the qunari conflict to have a clear answer, they didn't want it to be the case for mages. But.... Did they really? At the end of the game Orsino's stupid blood magic blob monster transformation is very obviously framed as tragic, meanwhile again Meredith's sanity is shown to have been compromised the whole time which puts every one of her previous actions into question. I'm pretty confident in my opinion that the writers likely meant the message to be "the mage/templar conflict in general isn't black and white but in this instance siding with Meredith is obviously wrong" (as a note: it is far more black and white than the narrative pretends it is and mages should be free, obviously.) this is backed up by the fact that, you know, SHE WAS THE FINAL BOSS AND WAS CORRUPTED BY RED LYRIUM.

There's a better, deeper discussion to be had regarding dissecting those two narrative threads and observing how the writers' bias affect both, I think. Because as soon as you try to say the writers write certain characters OOC or show negative bias towards a certain group, like mages, people will try to spin it as it being because the writers want to present a nuanced issue. The thing is that, yes, they are trying to do that - but they are doing it in an imbalanced, biased, and sometimes downright mean spirited way. Because I haven't even touched on how everyone refers to anders, even when they refer to him positively. There's always a but. Even deeply sympathetic characters disapprove of his activism. That sways the balance the writers apparently attempted to have. It sways it pretty fucking badly.

[mittysins]

Newt at Home

Includes: Trans mpreg, graphic labor and orgasmic birth

I'm so glad I was able to get this finished! First Mayternity, in the bag. Of course I needed to use Newt for this. I'm so proud that I've actually managed to complete a seasonal art piece. I hope you guys enjoy it!!

[FIND THE UNCENSORED ART ON TWITTER]

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Okay, I'm not going to lie and say I'm not kind of freaked out. I'm standing in the kitchen wearing a loose shirt and a pair of sweatpants, quickly scribbling down the time in my notebook.

10:56 PM. I've been in labor for 10 hours, at least. I couldn't really tell at first, thinking the twinge in my lower abdomen was just Braxton Hicks. I ate my lunch and had a nap without a second thought.

Eventually I realized the pain wasn't going away, in fact it was introducing a new pressure in my hips that I was frankly not a fan of. Okay. So that’s how it is.

I started by emailing my professor. Just a vague mention of a family emergency, and that I was going to need an extension on an upcoming essay.

Continuing on, I sent a quick “baby’s on her way!” to the group chat where my friends were dicking around as they usually did. I laughed at their excited responses as I tapped my pen on the paper. Newest contraction started 43 seconds ago. I was doing just fine.

Then to get down to business. I blessed my past self for having half a mind to have everything ready a month beforehand. Everything I needed was in the bottom drawer of the baby’s dresser. A few old towels, a package of training pads, and settled neatly on top was a pair of sterile clamps and scissors within blue plastic packaging. I felt my heart skip a beat when I opened the drawer to set everything up. This was actually happening.

It was a waiting game from then on. Which is how I ended up here. My contractions are now 4 minutes apart and it's really starting to set in. My chest burns in a weird way, most likely a result of binding for years. I accepted the lung damage a long time ago, and it seems to be making itself well known as my breathing grows increasingly ragged. I can't quite keep my legs together anymore with that ever-present weight on my pelvis. It feels like something is about to give at any second. I assume it’s my water, honestly I figured it would have broken by now. I let out a long sigh as the contraction ends and set down the pen. I sway my hips as I flip through the notebook on the counter in front of me. Written on the first page is the date my pregnancy test was positive as well as a few phone numbers. I can still see a few splotches of faded numbers where my tears had mixed with the ink of my favorite pen. The next few pages were symptoms, weight, my medications including my testosterone gel. Everything medical. I was so scared all those months ago, it almost makes me anxious to look back on those pages. I prefer to look at the middle of the notebook, where I noted when I had gone a week without morning sickness, my first weird craving, the bizarre and vivid dreams I was having. My favorite was the page dedicated to name suggestions. All my friends took turns scribbling down names they liked, laughing and teasing each other as we crossed some out and circled others. It isn't too long before I flip to my current page and glance at my phone.

11:00 on the dot.

I bite my lip and continue my swaying with a firm grip on the counter. It hurts now. That's not to say it didn't hurt before, but now it's getting intense. Each clawing contraction feels like a band being tightened around my entire lower abdomen. It's enough to keep me tensed up with my head bowed for its entirety, until finally, finally, there's that give.

I let out a soft groan as my water breaks. It's not a huge gush like in the movies, more of like a gentle pop followed by a steady stream of fluid that lasts a few seconds. I take a moment to assess my situation. Pants need to come off, obviously, but after that? I couldn't quite decide. I weigh my options as I wattle back to my room and remove my sweatpants, tossing them into a laundry pile I'd designated to this whole ordeal. I could lay in bed with a pillow between my knees and just… wait. I quickly toss that option when I realize how little I've sat still since I even realized I was in labor. A shower sounds nice, the wetness between my legs is less than pleasant and the water on my back would be helpful. I could set up a spot on the couch, just throw down some waterproof pads and a towel or two and labor there, maybe get some last minute work done.

I tense up. Oh, now this is different. I subconsciously bend my knees a little as the contraction reaches its peak. The release of pressure when my water broke was heavenly, but the respite didn't last long. Instead the pressure returned, now bringing with it an intense fullness resting just at the base of my pelvis. I grimace as I feel more fluid trickle between my thighs. Shower it is.

I watch the clock switch to 11:04 as the contraction lets up.

It's a short walk across the hall to get to my bathroom. I realize how sensitive my nipples are when I peel off my shirt. I flush at the sound I make when the fabric drags, sending a jolt down my spine. I'm getting worked up and my heart rate quickens for a moment. I turn the faucet tab and slowly drag myself into the tub, letting the warm water run down my back and legs. For a few moments it feels like routine again. Just me and my baby. No college, no work, no bills, no angry parents. Just me, lowering myself to my knees in the shower, my baby burrowing dangerously low in my pelvis with the next contraction.

It's hard to keep track of time from then on. I'm sort of just zoning out a lot, concentrating closely with each new wave of pain and letting my mind wander in the steeply decreasing downtime. Eventually I’m talking aloud to her, telling her how loved she already is, that she can come on out when she’s ready, that I'm so excited to finally meet her. That I'm ready. My mindless blabbering stops when I feel a very sudden shift.

Before I realize it I'm openly groaning into the air with the gripping contraction. It all just got very real, and I can feel myself becoming frantic. The increase in pressure was maddening, and no amount of shifting and rolling my hips would relieve it. My last contraction was at most a minute ago. I don't have long at all. I decide to push, just the tiniest bit, at the end of the contraction. It's just a little shove, I don't even hold my breath. Just enough to try it out and get a feel for the sensation. If she’s coming, she's coming. If she’s not, what happens? I wait a little longer and try again?

Another timid nudge.

Yeah, she’s definitely coming.

As soon as the contraction lets up I turn off the shower and heave myself out to towel off. I almost want to jump out of my skin I'm so excited. A quick collection of my shirt, phone and towel and I’m waddling back into my room, haphazardly tossing them on my bed. I decide to wait until after the next contraction to climb up onto my bed and really get this show on the road. When I get a look at myself in the full length mirror near my dresser I have a chance to catch my breath. My taught belly has noticeably dropped, basically screaming to the world what was about to happen. I'm flushed and sweaty and my wet hair is still sticking to my forehead. I’m all out of sorts, but I couldn't care one bit what I look like right now. Baby couldn't care less either. That telltale tightening grips me again, and when it begs for me to push along with it, I deepen my stance into a half-squat and bare down.

It almost feels… good? It's a very odd sensation but it feels like such a release to finally get to work with the pressure instead of against it. Two firm pushes in front of the mirror and I decided my bed was there if I needed it. Instead, I swipe a training pad from the package and lay it down on the floor in front of the mirror before stepping onto it. And I wait. At this point I'm so eager to push it’s hard to focus on anything else. I slowly lower myself down to be half kneeling, one foot propped up to let my hips open. I suck in a deep breath, and just like that I'm stuck in a contraction and pushing so hard I see my face go red. Exhale, inhale, push like hell. So it goes.

It only takes a few good pushes to feel something hard and very noticeably large lodged in my birth canal. Between pushes one of my hands dips down and curiously prods at my lips. I don't know what I was expecting to feel, she’s definitely not there yet, but nevertheless I’m a lot more sensitive than usual. I feel perpetually slick now considering I've been leaking little by little for the last hour and a half. But that's not just it. The past twelve hours have been the most in-tune I've ever felt with my body, like we’re finally working towards the same goal of giving birth to my daughter safely and calmly. The excitement and the love mixed with the fullness of her head moving downward almost became ecstasy. One accidental brush to my sensitive clit and I'm shivering. The sudden rush of pleasure triggers a contraction and I weakly push through it. Once the contraction ends my fingers slip into my birth canal. I was disappointed for a moment when I didn't feel anything.

Until I did. About two and a half knuckles deep, there was the hard, slimy ball I had been working down for the past twelve hours.

Oh my fucking god, that’s my baby.

I was awestruck. Just allowing the pads of my middle and ring fingers to press against her head was enough to have me grinning like an idiot.

Returning my hand to its place on my knee, I bore down again with the upcoming contraction. This time a low groan escapes my throat and I find myself leaning forward just the slightest bit. Looking in the mirror, I become fixated on the bulge forming behind my lips. I'm leaking fluid considerably now, and I'm grunting out little pushes when I swear I see a dark sliver start to part my folds. I only saw it for a split second. My hand dips between my legs once more and I press a finger into my lips. Sure enough, just out of sight rests my baby’s head. The quick progress I made surprises me, and I let out a breathy laugh as I trace my fingers back up to my dick. The warm tingling in my belly when I rub a few experimental circles into the swollen nub quickly melts my grunts into soft moans. My breath quickens. I was expecting this to be horribly painful, yet here I am moaning with the next contraction. All I can focus on in the mirror is the sight of my lips parting for my baby’s head. I moan through the stretch of my perineum, letting my pleasure bring me higher as I watch my lips pull out into a teardrop shape.

My rubbing has found a steady pace, and my hips buck a bit. I'm close, I can tell, and I feel the head continue to push my lips open. That burn is starting to set in. Another firm push.

I almost yelp when the head stretches me to a full crown, but I find myself so awestruck by the sight that I fail to make any noise at all. My rubbing continues as there the head stays. The burn is searing. Until finally, the release of my orgasm carries me blissfully as the head surges forward with a gush.

I kneel there for a moment, legs shaking and eyes fluttering, as I process what just happened. The aftershocks distract me through the next contraction, giving me time to gather myself. I can see it in the mirror, my baby’s head hanging out of me as it's supported in my hands. A sob rips from my throat as my fingers wander, feeling her tiny ears and nose.

“Oooh-kaaaaay.” I breathe, shaking off the numb tingly feeling that accompanied my orgasm. My fingers fumble around the baby’s neck, quickly untangling the umbilical cord and pulling over her head.

After lifting myself up to standing, the short few steps that should have been my journey to my bed became a quest. I knew I had no chance of closing my legs at this point, so it's a slow shuffle making my way over with shaky legs and a hand between them to support my baby. Climbing up onto the mattress isn't much easier, but I eventually manage to sit up against my pillows, legs butterflied out. From there I wait.

“Come on, kiddo.” I encourage. “I’m ready, you can come out now.” I wiggle my hips and give a tiny push, trying to get her to turn.

Once she does, I'm all in. My hands find purchase behind my knees and I pull back, red in the face as I push as hard as I can for the shoulders. The way I'm sitting, I don’t even need the mirror to see. I watch as my swollen lips spread around the first shoulder, then the other with a small spurt of fluid, and then-

I barely have time to catch her as with the last push, the rest of the baby spills out with a gush.

“Oh my god-” I sputter out as I lift the infant to my chest. As soon as she touches my skin, she begins wailing. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I check her over with wide, misty eyes.

“You are just absolutely perfect, aren't you?”

I giggle at her squirming attempt to get comfortable. So that’s what’s been keeping me up at night.

The ache sets in quickly, and I make quick (quick enough) work of delivering the afterbirth, cutting the cord and making sure we were both cleaned up and warm. Once I'm in a pair of sweatpants and back with her on my bed, I lay her back down on my bare chest, opting for a light blanket to wear cape-style and cover us both. I'm absolutely awestruck.

“Alright, we’ve given your aunts and uncles enough emotional prep time, don't you think?” I say decidedly to the already-sleeping infant as I unlock my phone, quickly finding the “video call” button in the group chat.

I'm grinning like an idiot as three of my friends join the call at lightspeed, the other two following quickly behind.

“Guys, someone wants to meet you!”

[choster33]

Bridgerton S3 Episode 4 Reaction

So I finally watched the last episode of Part 1 and it was everything I wanted it to be! It was so steamy and full of Colin angst. I am going to write and react about what I saw so if you want to read on!

First off, the rest of the Featheringtons are trash. They're hilarious, but horrible sisters and mother to Penelope. I will one day write an essay about the trauma that Pen has gone through and etc. because ugh. Now on to Lord Debling who is adorable with his plant present.

Yes a nod to Penelope sitting at that settee and enjoying the view of Bridgerton House aka where her love Colin is at. I think she isn't leading Lord Debling on here, she genuinely is getting tired of being in the corner, playing what if and ready for a real relationship. She's not in love with Lord Debling, but ready to accept something real over her years of fantasizing over Colin for nothing.

I agree with people who wrote that the scene that Colin is rereading his journal, he's going over what Penelope has read so that he knows what she read and enjoyed and what would be going through her mind. Lady Bridgerton for sure knows that Colin is in love with Penelope! She knows he's in love and he couldn't take his eyes off of Penelope. And she's no idiot, the boy is acting love sick and she can smell that a mile away.

Tillie Arnold is an amusement, but not endgame.

Is it just me or is Lord Anderson not that funny or charming? I don't mind him courting Violet or anything to do with his person, but I don't get it. Maybe I'm taking cues from Lady Danbury who is an impeccable judge of character, but I'm meh about him.

LOL! I love Queen Charlotte and Brimsley! The step another pace backwards comment was gold. "You read me too well."

Awww look at Francesca's little face! She likes John so much! They just get each other and the two actors portray that so well. The joy they have when together, the unspoken silences, and the chemistry they have is evident and I like them!

Lord Samadani is portrayed perfectly as well- he is handsome and dashing and everything that a traditional girl would have wanted. But not what Francesca wants.

Aw, poor Cressida. I never thought I would think or say that, but here we are. The writers have reframed her into a victim of the ton and has tried to free her from the trope of Mean Blonde Bitch.

Oh, Pen it's so obvious you're staring at Colin. Even Lord Debling can tell something's up. I really like Lord Debling, I think he's so cute! I know he's not endgame, but he's doing everything right so far. Asking her how he would secure her hand and putting out feelers of her reaction to a proposal.

Oho the infamous prostitute scene! Yes, he seems incredibly disinterested. Of course his enthusiasm is elsewhere it's with Penelope! I don't mind this scene so much because it just heightens Colin's disinterest with any woman except for Penelope.

Ha! I love how Francesca just accosted Lord Kilmartin! She knows what she wants and it's this man! They are so cute and awkward and adorable! Francesca wants love, but doesn't want to or know how to play games like Daphne did. They are the on the spectrum romance I didn't know I wanted or needed.

Ooh more Cressida backstory and it is grim. Her family and house are so cold. Yeesh. No wonder she is who she is and does what she does. Eloise is sweet to come by and check up on Cressida, she's a good friend. Her father seems like a pill.

I like the Mondrich's and understand them having class/adjustment issues about suddenly becoming part of the ton. It's good to have some contrast and real people part of the main story, but I also don't understand Will's determination to not see how it looks for him to be serving as bartender. With that act he seemingly doesn't understand the whole have/have not system the ton is based on. Wake up, Will!

These assholes. I never liked these puffed up men of the ton who parade about as rakes, but are more likely just assholes who've slept with a girl or two, who they've most likely had to pay. I'm not a prude or judgmental, but I am with Colin and would be sick of them too.

Penelope being wary of her engagement with Lord Debling makes sense. The girl has been in love with Colin Bridgerton for years and still is and so it would be hard for her to just throw that all away and go with Lord Debling, whom she is not in love with. She's not opposed to him, but also waiting for true love.

Ha! We get more love sick and pining Colin! It's sad to see him like this, but also sweet poetic justice for all the years Penelope was pining alone for him. Lady Bridgerton is such a good mother! She knows Colin like the back of her hand and I love the part where she talks about armor. She knows he's been playing a part lately and wants him to be his Cinnamon Roll self.

She knew exactly what she was doing when she mentions Penelope and getting a proposal! That minx! She's sharp and sly and knows exactly what to say to get a response from her children. Lol.

The ballet was gorgeous! That hair piece OMG it was stunning! I like the Queen, but no Francesca will not end up with Lord Samadani!

The ballet sequence is interesting because of Penelope's reaction to it. The ballet is a romance story and Penelope is wrapped up in it. Other people are admiring the artistry and appreciating the dancers, but Penelope is swept up in it. Which proves that a loveless marriage will not do for her.

See, back to Lord Anderson and I get why he would like Violet, but not why she would like him back. They are reading friends to me than late in life love match. I just don't see instant chemistry or anything.

Tillie is beautiful and amusing, but eventually Benedict is going to chafe at the hiding things and lack of romance. Clearly Tillie is her own woman and not needing a man, which will turn Benedict off eventually I believe.

I actually like the Cressida and Eloise relationship. What am I saying? But I do! I think it's cute. Cressida is in sore need of a friend to soften her and Eloise needs one that listens to her.

Yes! Colin thinking back to that one day and the glass and the looks and the comments about eyes. They were so close and comfortable with each other because they were friends before feelings and etc got in the way.

More Francesca and John and they are very cute. She's abrupt with him at first because she thinks he doesn't like her, but lights up when she sees his gesture. This man gets her to her very soul and it's very cute. Lemonade isn't going to cut it man! She has someone who reads her very soul! The queen's face lol!

Excuse me! Colin is here for a purpose, boys, out of the way!

Oof, you were being honest, but way to fumble the ball Lord Debling. He knows that Penelope loves romance and romance novels and couldn't throw her a bone about one day being in love. Maybe that's what it is and wasn't meant to be, but oof.

Here comes unhinged Colin and I love it! I have been spoiled by this from all over and here it is! Yes walking right up to a dancing couple like that quite scandalous! This is going to be good.

Eros and Psyche indeed! Cressida can be a cow at times, but she's right here. Everything she's putting out here is right. They are old friends, but something is going on between them and directly across the street of that window Penelope's obsessed with. She gives Lord Debling all the answers and clues to put the pieces together.

I feel for Penelope because she feels like Lord Debling is her one and only shot at a husband, but Lord Debling is not a fool and has figured out about her and Colin. He's not wrong and the two of them would not have been a good match, but I feel bad for Penelope.

Colin running down this carriage, yes very unhinged behavior indeed! The boy is lovestruck! Those eyes when he says he cannot leave her alone! They are so in love and the total opposite reaction we see from him with the prostitutes. He is all emotion, all heart on his sleeve and I love to see it.

They're getting it on, they're doing it! Eeek, squee, all the feels! That moment after they start kissing where they look at each other to see if this is real and yes, yes it is! Then they get back into it hot and heavy. He's going for more and she gives the nod of consent. Yes, let's do this Colin! I've been spoiled about the fingering but it is hot! Yes Go get it girl!

Aww that moment of laughter between the two so cute! I've seen other posts on this and it's a moment where they are two old friends and giggling together and that is the nature of their romance and relationship and I agree. It's utterly adorable.

Ok!!! Ugh now I know why so many people can't wait for part 2. Fortunately for me, it's only a couple more days and I can't wait!!!! We're going to have Lady Whistledown drama, Eloise drama, a lot of Polin sex, and a marriage! I can't wait I can't wait!

[therosefrontier]

TWST Family Lore: Heartslabyul Part 2

Continued from Heartslabyul part 1, because I forgot doing the whole dorm at once would make this huge... Again, spoiler warning for JP server content! But there isn't anything too story-specific for the events here.

Cater Diamond

And now, following our freshmen duo and their positive relationship with their families, we get to move on to Cater! Whose relationship with them is, uh, mixed at best? Anyways, we have mention of his father and mother, and he has two older sisters of unknown exact age, as well. His father is a banker for a large company, and we learn that because of his job, the family moved frequently, about once every two years, to branches all around the world (Halloween vignette). Cater's homeland is stated in his profile to be the Shaftlands, so that's probably where his family is from and it might be where they are living currently, but he seems to have lived in other countries, as well. This alone appears to have had a negative impact on Cater…with him moving so often, he felt that he was never able to make meaningful connections with anyone, so he stopped trying, instead going for quantity over quality. We also get a little story in Silver's Halloween vignette, when he remembers finally meeting a friend at school only to find out right afterwards that they were going to be moving in a month. He mentions in his birthday boy vignette as well that he "never knew" when they were going to move again, and given the one-month thing, it seems normal that it was on pretty short notice. He talks about this impact on him to his Pop Music clubmates in his Halloween vignette, saying that he met many people from around the world, but the common thread was that "I would always leave, and they would always stay."

(image credit: NightCrow)

Cater talks about his situation in a positive light, saying that it was better that he had all these connections through Magicam and could just socialize casually, on his own terms, but at the end of the vignette, the story goes a little different. Cater watches Lilia have a very family-like moment with the rest of the Diasomnia crew and feels a sense of isolation and maybe jealousy...earlier, Lilia told him he was wise for acting as he did, but Cater sees this and feels that Lilia cannot know the way he feels, because he does have these kinds of bonds, which Cater thinks he can never truly have.

But Cater's relationship with loneliness is, again, is a whole essay in itself! Back to Cater's family!

He talks some about his sisters in his birthday boy vignette, in which he describes how he felt pressed in between the two of them (seemed described a little differently in official vs. fan translations? As the official has him saying "give a guy some space" whereas the original may have been more along the lines of 'squished between them', to reference Mystery Shop), and also, how they'd give him a bunch of "cute" things as a birthday present which was more on lines of what they liked than what he liked. But, he does say that they're better about it now and will actually ask him what he wants. He also assures they didn't mean anything by it.

(translation by Otome Ayui!)

But of course, there's more! Multiple other mentions of his sisters seem to involve them asking him to do stuff...

Will do things like go shopping and leave him with the bags, or get a random craving for ice cream and ask him to go get it (birthday jacket vignette). Cater says they can be "pretty demanding," but he amends this story by saying that they will also treat him to stuff while they're out, like pocket money, food, or clothes.

Asked him for a Scalding Sands body scrub that had been "all over Magicam" since he was there for Fireworks Fest (Silk Adorned voicelines)

Cater would cook for them, making pancakes from a store-bought mix (although this might not have been a request; he could have just wanted to) (Apprentice Chef vignette)

At the start of book 4 (chapter 3), when everyone is going home for winter break, Cater says that "going home is kind of a drag for me, too," talking of how he knows his sisters will "run me ragged," so he makes a weak bid to go to Trey's house instead. When Trey lightheartedly counters that his family would put him to work too, Cater backs out of the idea.

Cater's not wanting to go home slides its way in a couple of other mentions, too... in his dorm uniform voicelines, he asks the MC if they're homesick and gets the question thrown back at him, to which he says that he isn't, citing his "annoying" older sisters as the cause. In slight contrast, in his New Year's voicelines, he says that it’s “not too bad to work during the holiday seasons once in a while” because “sure, it’s fun to go back home, but it eventually gets boring.” So this time, it's just 'boring' and not a family issue, but honestly, with Cater, the shifting story doesn't feel out of place. And definitely, it's up for interpretation...he doesn't seem to hate his sisters, but he doesn't really want to be with them, either.

Now, back to the birthday boy vignette! We get another little story, the reason why Cater doesn't like sweets so much: his mother and older sisters got really into making homemade sweets all the time, and they would feed them to him until he was sick of them. Even if he didn't want any, he felt like he had to eat it because they'd be sad if he didn't.

And then, there's his lab vignette... Cater describes the relationship his family as a whole has with "cute" things: “in the Diamond household, everything's judged by one simple question: ‘But is it cute?’ Day in and day out, no matter what I did, if it wasn't cute, it didn't cut the mustard! Drawings, handicrafts, store-bought sweets, you name it!” And thus, the instinct to make it cute was "burned" into Cater's brain.

So, you could say that "trendiness" runs in the family. But also, this does...raise some questions, I'd think? Again, it really is up for interpretation, but Cater specifically saying "no matter what I did" seems to suggest that he felt like the stuff he bought and things he did, including his own drawings and crafts, would be dismissed if they weren't "cute." Like the reason the instinct is burned into him is because that's what he had to do to earn attention. It also feels a little telling that this is the Cater-tries-to-hide-his-sadness vignette, in which one of the mandrakes he grows in the lab, which are supposed to reflect on the mage growing them, turns out gloomy, and he tries hard to deny that this means anything. But as for what all this says about his relationship to his family...I'd guess that perhaps, he feels a little invisible with them. It's not like he doesn't care about them, or that they don't care about him, necessarily (neglect but not on purpose?), but he doesn't seem to feel like his own wants are ever really seen, and the disconnect is to the point that home is not really a place he wants to be. Maybe, one day, he'll open up more about this, but with Cater, I don't think it'll come easy. But who knows...

TREY CLOVER

And now, Trey's family! He lives with his father and mother, and he has two younger siblings, a sister and brother. His sister is four years younger than him (platinum vignette), but we don't now how old his brother is. His parents run a patisserie bearing their name: Clover Patisserie. They are bakers, and likewise, Trey grew up learning how to cook from them, and in his apprentice chef vignette, he seems to imply that his siblings know their way around the kitchen, too. Also, we do have canon[?] designs for Trey's parents! We get art in the appendix of the last volume of the Heartslabyul manga:

(thanks to Honeyworks on Twitter for the image!)

The illustration is credited to Yana Toboso, whose notes, as run through Google Translate (I do not know Japanese...), describes Trey's mom as an "active woman with short cut, tall" and his dad as having "mild droopy eyes." In this appendix, we also get ages for Trey, Chenya, and Riddle at the time of the incident (that is, the big backstory as seen in book 1 of Trey inviting Riddle to try a tart at the patisserie but then they lose track of time and Riddle gets caught...that whole thing...). Trey is almost ten, Chenya is nine, and Riddle is eight, which seems to suggest that this happened in fall, in between Trey and Riddle's birthdays (Riddle on 8/24 and Trey on 10/25). Trey describes the event in more detail in his dorm vignette: he says that Riddle's mom "stormed" into his house and lectured his "whole entire family for five hours straight." (which is an insane amount of time...how did she come up with that many things to say!?) Also, to clarify, there seems to be a serious translation discrepancy with this? Because in the official English Trey says that it was his parents who lectured him for that time, but that doesn't even make sense in context... The quote I used is pulled from Mystery Shop's translation, and YuuRei has a good post on this, too. Anyways, the scene is also referenced in chapter 17 of the manga with Trey's flashback:

Which is...quite devastating, but anyways! As far as I can see, we don't really have much indication of what Trey's parents felt about all of this, but in the manga at least, they appear to be pretty stressed...maybe even cowed by Rosehearts's laying into them like that, and who can blame them?

But, moving aside to happier times! Continuing with Trey's parents, we get a little mention of what they were like as teachers through his apprentice chef vignette. Trey is doing the Culinary Crucible to better learn how to teach cooking to his dormmates, and he comes to a realization: his parents would watch him cook, but sometimes, they wouldn't correct him when he did something wrong until after he failed, because that way, through failure, he would remember, and he would learn. That was what Trey was not doing with his dormmates: he would always step in to fix things rather than let them have that experience.

Trey also talks of his really beginning cooking days in his platinum vignette: when he was four, he helped his parents bake a fairy cake after his sister was born, which they ate with family and neighbors, that being a Queendom of Roses tradition. Trey says that looking back at the pictures, the cake was pretty terrible, but he was excited about helping and thought the cake tasted great at the time, and all the adults complimented him on it, too. After that day, he would join his parents in the kitchen to help bake cakes, although he said he really just made a mess of flour and probably was a "huge bother" for his parents. That said, from the sounds of it, it seems implied that they were pretty patient with him, though?

Trey gives a different food-related story in his birthday boy vignette: his favorite food is candied violets, and he had one for the first time when he was "really young," before he started elementary school. He was amazed at the idea of flowers being edible, and his parents tell him that he "drove them nuts" via repeatedly trying to eat random flowers and weeds after that. Trey has no memory of this. But he does remember snacking on violets at home that were meant for cakes and his parents getting on his case about it. Eventually, they started setting some aside from him, and now, they send some to him at school in the occasional care package.

(image credit: NightCrow)

Trey also mentions his parents in one of his Silk Adorned card voicelines, saying that they love trying out new ingredients, and that perhaps, they should take a family trip to the Scalding Sands one day. Also, in both his birthday jacket vignette and his outdoor wear voicelines, he mentions that he's gone on camping trips with his family before, during summer vacation.

In Trey's Halloween vignette, we get a little story involving all of his family: he once tried half-rimmed glasses similar to the shape Azul wears, to mixed results. His mother and little sister said that they didn't like the glasses because they made him look "angry," and his dad and little brother said that he looked cool in them... because the glasses made him look like a "movie villain." Therefore, Trey rejected the glasses. He has also considered getting contacts, but similarly, his sister says he looks "sinister" without them.

(image credit: Songstress Studios)

Trey has several mentions of his siblings: they seem to have spent a lot of time together growing up, although also, it seems Trey did a lot of looking after them and taking care of them, too.

It was Trey's "job" to make sure his younger siblings brushed their teeth properly, as them being exposed to sweets so much via the patisserie made it a necessity (school uniform vignette)

Trey would make his siblings' costumes for Halloween. He says he's "not great" at it, but he can sew basic things (Halloween voicelines)

Trey would bake his siblings' cakes for their birthdays (birthday boy voicelines). He also mentions in Ace's school uniform vignette that his siblings would often "pester" him to bake for them, and he says in his birthday boy vignette that he would usually cook dinners for the family back at home, since his parents were busy with the patisserie. His brother and sister would ask for his hamburger steak all the time.

Trey helps his siblings with their homework when he's home (Winter Break Calendar 2023)

Trey and his siblings would often play with fireworks together (Silk Adorned vignette)

Once, Trey took his little brother to a Spelldrive game to fulfill his Starsending wish (Starsending voicelines)

In one of his labwear voicelines, Trey says "you all remind me of my younger siblings. They're always running around and giving me a hard time.” So, it does seem that they certainly tire him out. Again, going back to book 4, chapter 3, as mentioned in Cater's part, Trey responds to Cater's request by saying he's welcome to come to his house, but his family would run him "just as ragged." (but, if he was serious about that, that would suggest that Trey knew that his parents wouldn't mind Cater coming over!) It appears that, with the patisserie family business, it can be an 'all hands on deck' kind of affair, with Trey at least helping out with running things. There's also a little mention in Ace's school uniform vignette, in which Trey says that he's used to carrying heavy things because of shopping for ingredients for the patisserie.

Which is all rather interesting to me, really… both Trey and Cater describe their family as 'running them ragged' in some way and relying on them to do stuff, but with very different tones. For Trey, the 'older brother' instincts are so ingrained in him that he doesn't seem to think twice about it much of the time, such as we see in his school uniform vignette, in which he acts on those same instincts with his peers, Ace and Deuce, in insuring that their teeth are clean, and Deuce notes that he has that "kind older brother" vibe and has a "knack for looking after everyone." Which is interesting in that Trey doesn't really seem to be trying to volunteer for everything, and he certainly isn't trying to stand out, but he will take on everything in pursuit of keeping this ship running smoothly, all the same.

That said, he does seem to have a very positive relationship with his family! Although their busy lives might have led to a bit of a he-raised-his-siblings kind of dynamic. Trey seems to be usually very relaxed when talking about them, thinking back on the stories with a kind of fondness. We don't quite have too much to go on yet when it comes to actually deducing the personalities of his siblings as individuals, but from the general mentions, they do seem quite energetic, for sure! And perhaps, much like so much of the Heartslabyul dorm, will instinctively rely on Trey without a second thought...

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

And now, last on the Heartslabyul roster...Riddle. The ever-infamous family of Riddle. A lot of what we know comes from Book 1 of the main story: he's an only child, and both of his parents are medical mages—famous ones, too. Trey says that where they're from, everyone knew their names. Riddle's father is mentioned, but we hear little of his involvement in Riddle's life—the main player on this stage is his mother, who rigorously trained Riddle up to follow in her steps.

In chapter 18 of book 1, Trey first describes what it was like for Riddle: his mother mapped out his schedule to the minute, "from the moment Riddle woke up to when his head hit the pillow at the end of the night," and in the flashback sequence in chapter 25, Riddle describes it in much the same way: "my day was planned, down to the minute." Riddle's mom tailor-made an education program for him and appears to have implemented it herself, and Riddle, in an effort to please his parents, followed every rule they made. He became a prodigy, mastering his signature spell by age ten.

Riddle's mom was very strict with his diet, as well—she kept to very healthy foods, limited Riddle to under 600 calories per meal, and absconded sugar entirely. And thus comes the point of conflict...in the story, Riddle, who was eight at the time, was invited by Trey and Chenya to come outside to play during his one hour of independent study time (in which he was supposed to be studying alone in his room), and then, he started playing with them in secret every day, and it became his favorite part of his day. Then, one day, Trey invites Riddle to try a tart at the patisserie, and they lose track of time...and then, Riddle's mother finds him. She was furious, both at his skipping independent study time and his eating a "mountain of sugar." And then, as mentioned in Trey's section, she goes on to lecture Trey's family for five whole hours.

In this scene with Riddle and his mom, Riddle tries hard to apologize, but she cuts him off, telling him to be quiet, and then forbidding him with playing with Trey and Chenya ever again, and also taking away his independent study time in favor of keeping closer watch on him. In Trey's dorm uniform vignette, he describes Riddle's mom as being "impossible to deal with once she flew off the handle." And so, Riddle was left to just strive to follow the rules she set down, believing that she must be right, for "she was the most accomplished mother in the city, and therefore, the most correct," and he didn't want to lose anything, not again... He also quotes her in chapter 22, saying that "a man who cannot follow rules is a man who cannot achieve anything."

In book 4, chapter 3, we see that Riddle is feeling some dread over going back home for the winter break, but he also does resolve to try to talk to his mother, not that he's confident she will listen. We don't have any mention of how that talk actually went.

Interestingly enough, we don't seem to have that many mentions from Riddle about his family outside of the main story in his voicelines and vignettes, compared to some of the others. He does talk some about his upbringing in his birthday boy vignette: his parents both raised him to take up the mantle and be a medical mage like them one day, which he describes as being a "highly demanding profession." He said that they would tell him over and over "When you grow up, you'll be just like us, Riddle!" Before NRC, Riddle never questioned this path for him, but now, he says that he has developed some interest in law, so he may actually pursue that instead.

In one of his suitor suit voicelines, Riddle mentions that wearing this makes him think of the parties he used to attend with his parents. He also gives a mention in his halloween vignette that his mother taught him social dancing, so it seems like the three of them did go to formal social functions from time to time.

He also mentions his parents in another suitor suit voiceline, talking about how he reads that the Queen of Hearts had an amicable marriage, and he wishes he could share that secret to his parents, which would suggest that their marriage is not doing that great, actually.

Anyhow, social functions aside, it seems like Riddle probably has not had any "real" vacations with his family, or just fun gatherings/outings in general. In one of his Masquerade voicelines, he says "I'm not very accustomed to festivals...especially not ones in other countries. It's difficult to know how to participate and have fun.” And this comes up a lot, it seems, in the 'Lost in the Book' Stitch event, where Riddle is quite unfamiliar with the concept of a vacation at the beach. In one of his beachwear voicelines, he says “Having dinner with everyone while gazing at a sunset on the beach like this… This must be what it means to go on vacation. This is the first time I’ve experienced anything like this.” (Mystery Shop's translation)

In book 6, we get another brief mention of Riddle's mother: upon being invited by Ortho and Idia to play video games to pass the time, Riddle says that his mother told him that video games are "addictive and can hurt academic performance." They had neither a gaming console nor a TV at home. Riddle hasn't read much, if any, fiction aside from classic literature either, from the looks of it. It comes up in the second Halloween event, Spectral Soiree: Ruggie and Ortho, whom Riddle is traveling with, get excited over the prospect of this being like a treasure hunt, with so many tropes coming to life, and they quickly find out that Riddle is wholly unfamiliar with what they are talking about. He says that he has "no exposure" to comic books and video games like the rest of them.

He then goes on to say that he is missing out on absolutely nothing, has read many things, and was reading medical dictionaries by the time he was "Ortho's age." Whether that Ortho's real or perceived age is unclear, as literally, he might be about six? I think Idia finished building him when he was twelve? But Riddle may not know that—obviously, Ortho being what he is gives him a great kickstart in mental development, besides being given memories of the original Ortho, so as far as perceived age goes, he's akin to the freshmen. But saying all that to say! I also wouldn't be surprised if Riddle really was being handed a medical dictionary at age six, honestly.

So, in a general sense, you could conclude that Riddle has a great unfamiliarity with the concept of "fun," which gives a bit of a picture as to his parents and his mother specifically. It was as if everything had to have some sense of necessity; it wasn't enough for something to just be enjoyable. Riddle was put to a strict standard of performance, and in turn, he expects the same of others, in a way he seems to have to take some effort to unlearn. In his dorm vignette, for instance, we see him helping Cater, who was struggling in his practical magic class, with his studying. At first, he makes this insanely long study guide (300 pages), and he gets annoyed when Cater says that this is far too much for him to read, because this is exactly what he is used to doing, thinking that if you don't want to do something, you should just force yourself to (which I imagine is the philosophy his own childhood education took). But then, after a talk with Trey, he realizes that he can't expect everyone to learn like he does, so instead, he makes a plan to teach Cater through pictures and Magicam hashtags so that he could remember them, and it works! And then he goes right back to giving Cater a bunch of textbooks at the end, but hey, it's a start :)

That said, Riddle's development is easily a whole essay on its own! The takeaway here with his parents is that both of them put a lot of expectations on him and are probably very success-driven themselves. In a way, it 'worked' for them, because they are very successful and famous, but their general happiness may be another story. Again, we get little of Riddle's dad specifically except that his relationship with his mom is not great, but with his mom, we get the impression that she is just...very high-strung and obsessive? Her rigorous training of Riddle goes beyond just wanting him to have a good education—she obsesses over his progress in a way that seems to invoke that if anything goes in a way other than what she envisions, Riddle would be hopelessly failed. It's "care" in the worst kind of way... I think that she really does believe that everything she does is for him and his wellbeing, but doing things like that, it becomes a whole lot about herself too, I'd think. Riddle is an extension of her, and therefore, he must be perfect. We know little of what she is like outside of her relationship with Riddle, but it doesn't seem hard to believe that she would have some measure of that strictness and my-way-is-the-only-way attitude with everyone else in her life, although it may be comparatively muted, as it is with some people who will treat their children with a special kind of possessiveness, even if only subconsciously. I do wonder if anyone else ever got the equivalent of the five-hour tirade she gave to the Clover family, but of course, that's all speculation. The silver lining is that it didn't work for Riddle like she wanted it to...he's still his own person, and after he finally came to the point of admitting, at the end of book 1, that he was wrong, and that by extension, the things his mother did to him were wrong (although not so outright), he has become in a better position to grow and move on, although unfortunately, he still has to go back home at the end of the day, and his mom has not changed. It could be a difficult road for a long time yet... but still, I like to think that Riddle is on a better path now, and that, if he ever does become a parent one day, he'll be a better one than his own parents were.

[pharaohbean]

Please talk more about how Touya's writing has been neglected. I Need to hear your thoughts this is Urgent

anon you sent me this last night and it's been like 12 hours and I've done nothing except write this for like. 5 hours. there's so much I haven't done and I'm running tech for Good Friday tonight. I went and finally watched Toya4 just to hone my points (actually it broke quite a few but wHATEVER) and reread SO MUCH and finally. after writing an ENTIRE ESSAY. i think i can answer your ask.

so, dear anon, may i present to you: Aoyagi Toya and his relationships in the form of Kizuna Ranks (roughly): his lack of them, the neglection of ones he does have, and why The first concerto redeemed Nocturne Interlude and Toya's Colofes story.

Let's start off with a simple Kizuna Rank counting: Toya has 14 kizunas: 6 VS, 3 VBS & WxS, 1 L/n & 25ji, and 0 MMJ (as of time of writing this). While that’s technically on the high end (he’s beating half of l/n, 3/4ths of wxs and 3/4ths of 25ji) the problem is where most of his kizunas lie: he has full VS (the first of his group, actually), full VBS, and almost-full WxS (it SHOULD be full); that accounts for 12 out of the 14 he has. He has so little diversity outside of those three groups, which compared to Mizuki (who has the same amount of kizunas as him) who has 4 VS, 2 MMJ, 3 VBS, 2 WxS, and the obvious 3 25ji, isn’t a lot!

Toya’s only two “unique” kizunas are Saki and Mizuki; Saki, who he’s known since childhood and has a lot of respect for her and even more so her brother, and Mizuki, who they got the kizuna with I think through a combination of KAMIYAMA HIGH FES and Summer Festival. The problem isn’t that Toya has so few kizunas (he doesn’t, really, I counted) it’s that his kizunas are almost indicative of his friendships.

Fun fact: Toya has not had a new kizuna in over a year. His last kizuna on JP was October 2022. Over a year.

(Just as a side note, I’m not going to be talking about his lack of appearances OVERALL. Around this time last year, his VA started voicing Dan Heng in HSR, and considering that that man is in like… 6 Trailblazer Missions, I would assume with scheduling that he wasn’t really able to voice anything else for a while. We’re talking about that when he was on outside of group focuses, he never really talked with anyone outside of those he already knew. But Dan Heng has also been put to the wayside after 1.3, which was in August, so after that I’m not cutting Toya slack.)

I went through his cards after Never Give Up Cooking! to present day because cards are usually indicative of a presence in an event, and outside of group focuses, he has…. 2 (excluding Sanrio which I'm 99% sure he didn’t talk with anyone outside of his group). Yup, just two! The first one is… the Kamiyama Fine Arts Festival. Where he knows everyone in Kamiyama (day classes) and has a kizuna with them. Just great. The other event is Valentines3, where he meets with a bunch of new people, but I’ll get back to them. Let’s talk about L/n, 25ji, and their relationships with Toya.

Toya has one from both of them, as mentioned previously: Saki and Mizuki. But Toya (as far as I know) has basically never met the other members of their groups. Sure, his teammates have (Kohane attends Miya with L/n and was classmates with Shiho, and Akito is siblings with Ena and has met Mafuyu more than once, even in his own home) but Toya has not. And do you want to know something truly terrible? He could!

He’s childhood best friends with Saki! He’s classmates with Mizuki now! There are so many possibilities for Toya to meet them! Personally, I want an Ichisakitoyakana event where Toya learns to songwrite a little more from Ichika and Kanade (especially considering his newest focus where he accidentally[?] works himself to the bone to compose a single song). That wouldn’t be hard considering that he has an in with both L/n (through Saki) and 25ji (through both Mizuki and partially Ena, whom he can get to through Akito)!

But for reasons beyond my understanding, they just. Haven’t. Have they been waiting for Toya4? Maybe, and that’s valid. But that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t have spoken with them earlier anyways, especially considering that he’s been grueling over composing for what seems to be months. Also, it’s Saki, why wouldn’t she introduce her cool younger brother to Ichika, who is also a songwriter? Heck if I know!

But I digress. Let’s talk Valentines3, where Toya talks with Ena and Haruka quite a bit. Ena and Toya have known each other since… like, forever. Roughly 3 years, if we assume that Ena found out about Toya around the time Akito partnered up with him. While they don’t talk a lot, they’ve definitely had multiple chances to: Summer Festival, 2nd Anniversary, maybe 2nd New Years but admittedly I didn’t read that story so who knows. But their first shared card set is… Valentines3.

Both Toya and Ena have a solid connection with Akito, Toya consistently hands off plushies to Ena, and yet the two just… never talk. You’d think they would! But they just… haven’t? And I don’t know if that’s bad writing or just something? But Valentines3 is their first big interaction, which is three years since the game started.

Now, let’s talk Haruka. Compared to his teammates, Toya has a very isolated kizuna community (as a side note, Saki and Nene are the only kizunas that he doesn’t share with someone else in his group excluding VS), and it’s obvious if you look at his lack of MMJ kizunas. But everyone in his group has a direct connection to someone in MMJ: Kohane was first-year classmates with Minori, An is childhood friends with Haruka, and Akito and Airi at the very least know each other well. At ANY point, MMJ could’ve been introduced to Toya--and let’s face it, they probably were. Toya I’m sure has heard about them.

…But why has he never talked with them? Again, wouldn’t have been hard (although he’d have less of a reason to than he would’ve with someone like Ichika, Kanade, and Ena) but he just hasn’t? And I remember correctly he does know who Haruka is in Val3. I’m not sure if that’s the writers just straight up ignoring him for a while (which they totally did) or that’s Toya’s personality, but I really don’t think it’s the latter with how well Toya just. Takes new people.

One other person I’ll talk specifically about is Mafuyu. There’s not a super clear connection for Toya and Mafuyu to interact, but they’ve definitely met in passing. I love Toya and Mafuyu’s parallels (especially with their fourth rotations being huge for them) and wish they’d properly interact, but Colopale won’t let them because that would screw over Mafuyu’s progress entirely. In a good way. Mafuyu would realize so much. But you wanna read more about them and their parents, there’s this amazing post about it that I think does it well.

Now, let’s talk about the relationships Toya does have. I’m just going to briefly gloss over most of them, then talk about the ones with a little more influence in Toya’s life (which is basically just VBS and Tsukasa).

Let’s start with VS: Miku and Luka are the two who really click with Toya the best. Miku is the one who went with Toya to his Fragment SEKAI (which we’ll be touching upon later) and inherited his terrible cooking. VBS Miku, although not a large force at play in recent stories, is still a valuable voice of reason. Luka literally showed up during Toya’s event, got him to do stuff he’d never do, and is just generally his hype man. She’s great.

Now, let’s talk the twins. Rin I feel like, when with the boys (who is all I really read, sorry girls), doesn’t have much of a character aside from being Len’s fellow corgi sticking her head into boxes ‘n such (cookie if you get this). Len, however, can be mostly found with the boys, trailing after them like a younger brother… well, he trails after Akito. He doesn’t really trail after Toya, and Len more so sticks around with Akito a lot (learning soccer, was in Summer Fes with them, etc.). So ironically, I would say Len and Toya don’t have a strong connection, at least compared to Len and Akito.

Finally, let’s talk the adults(?). MEIKO, for the most part, has kept her nose out of music, but she’s been there since the start. She and Miku both play the VS in Toya1, and she, Miku, and KAITO are typically the ones to get Toya’s head back on straight. Most recently, MEIKO helped Toya pretty significantly in The first concerto (which we’ll also be discussing later).

Now, the rest: I thought about this for a while, but although Toya and Saki are close, I don’t think there’s any actual record of Toya going to visit Saki in the hospital, either with the Tenmas or his own family? So although they’re close, they’re definitely not as close as Toya and Tsukasa or Toya and Akito. But correct me if I’m wrong.

Toya and Mizuki are more recently classmates, and although they seem to have had something during Kamiyama Fine Arts Fes, I’m not sure what that is. But the two of them have had something for a little while, but it’s been pretty loose.

Toya and Nene are both gaming buddies, and actually get along pretty well. Toya and Rui also get along pretty well, Rui even going out of his way to taste test for Toya (although he definitely didn’t realize how. Terrible Toya’s cooking skills are) and help him repay the Tenmas.

Finally, let’s talk a little more about Toya’s deepest (and shallowest) relationships: VBS, Tsukasa, and his father---in backwards order because I’m like this.

Toya and his father have had a pretty shaky relationship, one that is always perpetually a few steps away from being entirely burned. But it’s a relationship that both are interested in keeping alive, but feel that they can’t, primarily because of their different beliefs in music. Again, I highly recommend you go read the relationship between Harumichi and Mafumom I linked above to get a better understanding of both people, but most recently, Toya’s father does go somewhat out of his way to give Toya some advice in The first concerto. Although some people believe it doesn’t make up for the child abuse, I feel like I strongly need to say something:

Toya explicitly continued classical for TWELVE YEARS.

That kid picked the piano up at 3! 12 years he played! He was 15 when he ran away! Teenagers get moody about this stuff! And I would know, because I had the exact same relationship with my parents about religion at his age. I’m not going to get into depth about my own personal life, but I’m not gonna call handling someone harshly after they themselves treat themselves the same way as child abuse. Is there child abuse? Oh probably definitely, Toya should’ve gotten more hugs as a kid. But Toya (explicitly in The first concerto flashbacks) pushes himself to be better at classical. There’s a whole bunch of other stuff here which I can talk about in another post (including Toya fixating only on the bad parts of his past, which is something I also do) but let’s leave it here for now.

Now, let’s talk about Tsukasa. If none of you are aware, Tsukasa is the one who gives Toya the push to quit classical music (from the PJSK fandom wiki in Toya’s relationships page: “it was Tsukasa who told him it was okay to do the things he wanted, even if others disapproved. This gave Toya the courage to quit classical music, and he says if it weren't for Tsukasa, he wouldn't be the person he is today”). Toya holds Tsukasa in high regard, even just as high as Akito (he defends Tsukasa from Akito on multiple occasions) even if he won’t let go of the “-senpai” honorific. Toya has gone out of his way multiple times to support Tsukasa in some way (taking his spot during Wedding1 when Tsukasa gets sick, taking a 2hr train ride just to see his performance as Thorpe at the end of Tsukasa2, learning how to cook just to repay the Tenmas in Never Give Up Cooking!) while also never asking for anything in return, and will probably continue to do so because he just holds Tsukasa in such high regard. It’s about the same regard that Toya holds Akito in, but Toya repays that by standing by Akito’s side and singing with him because that’s all Akito asks for.

Then, the Vivids. Despite being teammates, Toya doesn’t have much of a relationship with them (especially compared to Akito, who’s got a distinct one with both of them). Toya and An both respect each other, but the only mixed events they have cards together for are Wedding1 (where An really only shows up at the end) and Kami Fine Arts Fes, which I haven’t read so I can’t speak on that. Toya and Kohane have a 1-on-1 moment in An1 and… not again until Valentines3. Three years after An1. THREE YEARS!!! Toya’s relationship with the girls I feel has been especially neglected, but also partially for a good reason: in An1, both Akito and Toya let the girls talk themselves through. Sure, Akito gives An a harsh talking-to, and Toya gives Kohane some advice, but the two of them keep their noses out of the girls’ business. And the two of them do take a while to get on their own two feet (which I won’t go into depth about here, but maybe in another post).

But also, you’re teammates. I’m willing to overlook shallow relationship writing with people like Saki, Nene, Rui, and Mizuki because they’re not super close, but An and Kohane? That’s just straight up ignoring their relationships. There are so many opportunities for this sort of thing--which the writers definitely capitalized on in the beginning--but nowadays most of the cast goes to the VS for help. Which isn’t bad, it just means you’re developing relationships with other people. But having an arguably stronger connection with the VS than your own teammates? Really? You could put in a little more effort, writers.

Finally, let’s talk about Akito and Toya. Let me preface this by saying I’m biased and weak for partnerships, but I’ll try to do my best. Akito and Toya’s relationship is one of the few relationships we see prior to canon that isn’t a sibling relationship or having broken down; the only ones who are standing are the entirety of 25ji and maybe Rui and Nene (L/n broke off prior to canon, and Airi and Shizuku, although knowing one another, seem to have had most of their relationship deteriorate by the start of canon). But unlike the other two, Akito and Toya’s pre-canon relationship isn’t really discussed. All we really know is that they joined up not long after meeting (I think it’s implied it was in the same meeting) and are so close to one another by the start of canon that they trust each other to an insane degree. That’s not to say they haven’t had their fights (they have) but the big thing is that Akito and Toya’s RELATIONSHIP isn’t toxic. Both of them have their own personal issues (self-worth for Akito, guilt/burden for Toya) that they do often hide from each other, but as soon as the other notices, it doesn’t take them much to open up. I think the only time Toya didn’t tell Akito what was on his mind was that one time in his Toya1 card story where he refused to tell Akito that he was the best partner---and let’s be real, that’s Toya being cheeky and cheesy because he can; Toya’s not that open with many people (the only others excluding VS I’d say would be An, Kohane, Tsukasa, and Saki).

I will add, the writers do like to place quite a lot of emphasis on their relationship and bond, but it’s not bad yet or anything, especially with the current direction VBS is taking making it that there’s not much of a position for that to happen outside of mixed events. But again, I’m a sucker for that sort of thing, so.

To close out, let’s talk about a couple of things I said I’d talk about, and why The first concerto fixed so much. So let’s simultaneously talk about Toya1, Toya’s Colofes story, and the redemption that is The first concerto.

For me, Toya1 felt a little weird (rereading it for this post, you’re welcome) because knowing what little I did of The first concerto (which was nothing) at the time, I was confused because in Toya1 he moved past his classical burden, didn’t he? And also, you wanna talk Colofes? They dropped a huge character detail and L E F T. FOR TWO YEARS! But finally, when I actually watched The first concerto (like, earlier today) I had so many thoughts, but eventually decided on the following things:

Toya1 was Toya getting over his classical burden for singing, while The first concerto was dealing with his burden for composing. And as for his Colofes story… Toya is cut off in his words when the Fragment SEKAI disappears. Considering that, and what Toya says in chapters 6 and 7 (referencing his Colofes), I think that despite what Miku said about forgiving himself, Toya didn’t. As we also learn in The first concerto, Toya has a very hard time not fixating on the bad events of his life and instead focusing on the good, especially after quitting classical. Sure, he can think of the good like being with the Tenmas, but that was always tainted with the rest of his history.

The first concerto just. Redeems so much that was left to the side in Toya’s progression, and in a good way. Toya already removed the shackles from his wrists and ankles back in Toya1, but left them to the wayside. Now, here, he’s picked them back up and is slowly, surely, turning them into keys to unlock the door to the future. The event gives Toya the courage and ability to finally forgive himself for his past (something he didn’t do back during his Colofes, which is roughly just after Kohane2) and use it to move forward.

(Also, if you’re wondering why I, a Toya kinnie, was reading it so late, shameless plug to my 4k Toya-centric fic roots in the snow, where it's explained there.)

Anyways, those are my thoughts. I’m sure I have more which I might add on to later, but I’ve literally just been writing this for like 3 hours straight and I need to vacuum before I leave soon because if I don’t my mom will have my head.

(i hope you were expecting an essay anon LOL)

[yournextflame]

SOTE

Do you have any thoughts about Shadow of the Erdtree and its story now nearly 4 weeks after release? It seems the story presented has been very divisive and I wonder what are your thoughts on the matter.

Hey there! 🌿✨

Shadow of the Erdtree has certainly sparked a lot of discussion, hasn't it? Now that it's been nearly four weeks since its release, I still can't quite collect my thoughts and keep pouring essay after essay into my drafts.

The narrative direction has indeed been quite divisive. Some fans, like myself, are excited about the new layers of lore and the expansion of the worldbuilding, while others feel it strays too far from what they've come to expect, especially in regards to character writing. I can understand both perspectives.

To keep it short, I'm really enjoying the new lore centered around Metyr, The Greater Will, Fingers, and Ymir. This direction was hinted at since the base game, and one of my last theory posts on this blog pointed out all the parallels between how the Greater Will operates and how humans perceive and try to comprehend the cosmos.

The lore of outer gods, the rise and fall of civilizations, the whole "life and power sprouting from death" theme taken to a new level, and the way the game blends the differences between faith and intelligence, the crucible and the primeval current—this is all the stuff that particularly stood out to me.

When it comes to the characters, the DLC somewhat fixed a lot of issues with the sometimes flat portrayal of some demigods in the base game and picked up on narrative details that were often ignored. I'm glad that Mohg isn't a Disney villain anymore, Marika finally got a backstory that gave her much-needed depth without removing her agency, and Miquella is… well, as I've pointed out many times, he's certainly more complicated than the anime boy in a flower crown that the fandom wanted him to be, though now the fandom is flanderizing him in a different direction. Truth be told, a certain ending twist is my least favorite part of the DLC, but more on a technical level rather than thematic.

Overall, I think the DLC is far more enjoyable for people who viewed Elden Ring as a collection of Miyazaki and GRRM's thoughts on humanity, civilization development, religion, and other philosophical or even scientific topics, rather than a more classic character-driven story. For me, it was certainly good enough to reignite my interest in the series again.

[cards-of-rose]

°•○ study tip!! your outline ○•°

so in another post, i talked about how you formulate an essay and said i would discuss the structure of your outline in another post. here's that post!!

every outline must have 3 principal components: an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. and it's exactly how it sounds. your introduction introduces, your body has your arguments, and the conclusion concludes.

simple, right? i'll talk about each individually, then show you how to draft them into a good structural outline. it's honestly easy once you get the hang of it. it's just a formula, and you can apply it to any essay you have to write!

> body <

this is actually the first thing you start with. i'm sure everyone's said that you should start with your introduction. but think about this: you haven't written anything yet. what is there to introduce? you barely know what you're going to talk about!

start with the body first. use your thesis statement - those three points that sum up your entire argument in a sentence - and split up those three arguments into three points. let's say this is our thesis statement:

Light pollution is harmful to the environment because it brightens the night skies, wastes energy, and disrupts ecosystems.

in an outline, it might look something like this:

I. Introduction

II. Body

Main point 1 - brightens the night skies

Main point 2 - wastes energy

Main point 3 - disrupts ecosystems

III. Conclusion

easy, right?

next, you go under each main point and add 3 subpoints, just according to whatever you've researched. so:

Main point 1 - brightens the night skies

Subpoint 1 - disrupts circadian rhythm

Subpoint 2 - increases depression

Subpoint 3 - contributes to air pollution

and so on! depending on the length of your paper, these subpoints can either make up a paragraph, or can be split further into additional subpoints. whatever you need! you can include quotes, evidence, and anything else your prof wants in your paper.

this will make up almost all of your paper, so contine extending this until your outline is about half the length of your paper. for example, an 8-page paper should have a 4-page outline. remember that for papers, unless specified otherwise you won't want to use first-person or second-person pronouns. make sure to stay objective and present the evidence formally (although your outline can be as silly or stupid as you want, as long as it gives you something to work with).

now onto the conclusion!

> conclusion <

the first sentence of your conclusion is the rewording of your thesis statement so your reader knows the argument is closing. kind of like a signpost, letting the reader know there won't be any more new information presented! really just one sentence.

after that rewording, then comes the important part: the significance. after you briefly summarize your argument in maybe one or two sentences, talk about why your argument's important! why it matters. this is really the part that will stick with your reader, and what will humanize your argument. in your body, you talk about the why and how that light pollution is bad. in your conclusion, you talk about how it affects the future, how it'll affect humanity as a whole, how it'll affect wildlife. where the trend of increasing light pollution will bring us.

and then the very last sentence is either a call-to-action (what can your reader do to help?) or a final punch relating to the significance. either way, there should be a strong final statement that resonates with the reader and leaves a strong impression in their mind. something like:

If this trend of brightening the night skies continues, it will not only destroy nature, but affect humanity past the point of any change.

a bit dramatic, but you get the point! :)

> introduction <

aaand finally, the introduction!! i know it may seem strange to leave this for last. but think about it - you've written your paper! you now have a full idea of where your paper's going! you already have a thesis statement! you have the significance in your conclusion! you can!! connect them!!

!!!

so connect them!!

reference the significance in the VERY FIRST sentence of your intro. that's your hook - what draws the reader in. sooo something like:

Many people consider city lights to be a fundamental aspect of life. After all, they provide light on dark roads, illumination on signs, and even beacons for airplanes. What many do not realize is that the light pollution these lights generate harm more than they help.

and then you insert your thesis statement. see? how easy is that? you basically already wrote your intro in your conclusion! this is just a continuation of that.

evidence -> significance -> problem.

and there you have it! once you know how to write an outline, it makes it SOO much easier to write your paper. by following this, you basically already have your paper written - at least in shortened form. you'll be able to write them in your sleep. <33

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Why do so many non-Palestinians around the world stand with Palestinians and against Israel? Researchers at the University of South Florida set out to answer that question.

They gave two groups of test subjects a identical one-page essay that described the Israeli-Palestinian conflict fairly from both sides' perspectives.

Then one group was given a map that showed Israel as small, and the other group got a map that showed Israel as big. Same country, same facts. The results were not the same.

The group that saw Israel as small on the map took Israel's side. And the group that saw Israel as big on the map took the Palestinians' side.

Why?

When the first group saw a small Israel, they felt, in their own words, that Israel was the underdog and took their side.

When the second group saw a big Israel, they saw Palestinians as the underdog and took their side.

That is underdogma. The widespread belief that in any given issue, whichever side has less power, the underdog, is automatically considered righteous. And whichever side has more power is automatically considered wrong. Doesn't matter which side is actually right or wrong, all that matters to those who practice underdogma is which side has less or more power.

Now, once upon a time, Jews were seen as underdogs. But today, Jews have a strong homeland, advanced weapons and powerful military. In the eyes of those who practice underdogma, Jews committed an unforgivable sin. History's underdogs became overdogs.

As Israel's late foreign minister said: "When I was first here, we had the advantages of the underdog. Now we have the disadvantage of the overdog." -- Abba Eban (1915-2002)

Underdogma. It's why millions of people choose sides the way they do on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and on many of the issues that shape our world today.

The overdog is automatically bad, and the underdog is automatically good.

Underdogma. Learn how it works and how to defeat it at under-dogma.com

--

Abstract

When people observe competitions, they are often drawn to figures that are seen as disadvantaged or unlikely to prevail. The present research tested the scope and limits of people's support for underdogs. The first two studies demonstrated, in the context of Olympic matches (Study 1) and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict (Study 2), that observers' support for a competitor increased when framing it as an underdog. The final two studies explored mechanisms underlying support for underdogs. Study 3 showed that participants attributed more effort to a team when they believed it to be an underdog, and perceptions of effort mediated liking. In Study 4, participants reading a hypothetical sporting event supported a team with a low probability of success and labeled it an underdog unless it had greater resources than an opponent, suggesting that low expectations by themselves do not engender support if positive outcomes are not seen as deserved.

==

Now you understand how people have been manipulated into supporting far-right fundamentalist Islamic jihad terrorists as "victims."

Notice that Intersectionality is rooted in underdogma, it just uses identity categories and politics to determine who's the underdog and who's the overdog.

[ernmark]

Who was in charge of marketing for Harry Potter?

(This isn't about She Who Must Not Be Named or her bigotry. This is purely about the business of bookselling.)

If you were a YA reader at the time, or you're into fandom history, you might know the story: July 16, 2005, in the wee hours of the morning a car pulls up to a bunch of teens and children standing outside a bookstore, and some jackass shouts at the top of their lungs: "Snape kills Dumbledore!" and then speeds away.

That story was infamous. THE biggest plot twist of THE biggest book series in the world, spoiled before anyone could even crack the pages.

Which is... actually kinda weird, right? How'd they know?

Had they read an advance copy? Did they stand in line since like 4 PM to get their hands on the book, and then the second they got their hands on it just frantically start skimming the last hundred pages or so until they found a particularly devastating bomb to drop? (Trolls being trolls, this was not considered particularly extreme behavior).

Or were they paid to do it?

This is adult me with conspiracy goggles on, but consider: The message that was sent is not that a character killed another character, but that no matter how hard you try to avoid spoiling your favorite story, some bad-faith actor is going to jump out of the bushes and do it anyway. There's no time to wait for your library's copy to be available, no time for your friend or your sibling to finish and hand it to you-- you have to buy your own copy right the fuck now.

And everybody and their sibling (literally, people were buying multiple copies per family) around the world buying the same book in the space of the same two weeks? That is how a book guarantees a spot on every international best seller list for a long ass time.

The thing is, whether this was a deliberate move or an amazingly convenient and lucrative bit of trolling does not matter. Regardless of the source, the marketing department pounced on an opportunity. Every brick-and-mortar bookstore left had piles of bookmarks and buttons, posters plastered on the windows, dividing readers into one of two teams: either "Trust Snape" or "Snape is a Bad Man". People wearing those pins sparked conversation and debate in real life, to say nothing of what was going on in the forums. Essays and treatises and manifestos were written. Books were published-- both officially licensed materials and unofficial ones full of theories and details.

When that next and final release was coming out, you bet your ass everybody on the planet was going to be there (or risk another drive-by spoiler). When the next movie was released that November, it didn't matter that what had come before was kinda iffy in quality-- people were showing up in costume.

Even before The Drive By Spoilering, the marketing team was honestly the stuff of legend. Gorgeous hand-illustrated covers and chapter header artwork, branded title fonts that could be recognized from a mile away in the dark, big fancy displays present in every single school book fair, and then that website-- the official website was a thing of absolute beauty, especially in that time. It was colorful and had a million moving parts and secrets to uncover, it was updated frequently and with a lot of little secret extra tidbits on the character and world, and oodles of essays from the author herself that were often very endearing to the readership. It was a gathering place for fans as much as the fan-run websites.

(I should point out that with marketing this robust, I have no doubt in my mind that all those tidbits and essays were themselves run past the team for approval, to make sure nothing particularly egregious slipped through the cracks. But that kind of editing isn't cheap, and I suspect it would only really have been employed during the Important Years for the franchise.)

I remember wanting to be a writer as a teenager, embarking on that career as I got out into the world and started querying books I'd written, and for every single one of us in the writing community, that kind of marketing was the dream. The midnight releases in full costume, the gorgeous custom covers, the posters in every library and bookstore, the breathtaking website. But all of those things turn out to be heinously expensive, and for every franchise that returns on that investment, there were dozens, perhaps hundreds, who didn't make back enough, or cover their expenses at all. And that's where you get to the point where querying authors were advised to establish massive followings on social media in order to demonstrate that they were a safe bet, that half the work was already done if the publishers would just give us a chance-- and sure, for some of them that effort did get them publishing contracts. At which point, even if the publishers felt inclined to spend more than a pittance on promoting new authors' work, there wasn't any point in doing so to the degree that the Harry Potter books received. There's little room to stand out in a saturated market; a flash in the pan is only impressive if the pan isn't already on fire.

These days there's little hope of any one new author rising to that kind of fame, though with self-promotion and self-advocacy, a lot more diverse authors are starting to carve out places for themselves. But marketing yourself is exhausting, and it's expensive, and it makes you vulnerable to all sorts of stupid blunders and career-ending missteps.

I'd rather stay indie. But I wouldn't say no to that marketing team.

[tragedy-peanut-gallery]

What role do you think Myriah played in her husband's rule of the Seven Kingdoms? I was skimming through Fire and Blood and caught this quote: "Though none doubted that Aegon Targaryen was the final authority in all matters relating to the governance of the realm, his sisters Visenya and Rhaenys remained his partners in power throughout his reign. Save perhaps for Good Queen Alysanne, the wife of King Jaehaerys I, no other queen in the history of the Seven Kingdoms ever exercised as much influence over policy as the Dragon’s sisters."

At first, I was a bit worried that this confirmed that Myriah had little political power despite pro-Blackfyre supporters claiming that Daeron listened to the women in his court but then I thought that maybe Myriah herself had to downplay whatever visible influence she had on Daeron in public in order to not isolate herself even more in King's Landing. What do you think?

Unfortunately, I do think whatever influence Myriah had as queen would’ve had to have been extremely downplayed, assuming she would’ve had any power beyond being a voice of counsel for Daeron. After all, the queens in the world of westeros only have as much power as their kings would give them, and it seems like Visenya and Rhaenys were more the exception than the rule, just taking a quick glance at all the queens who’ve existed between them and Myriah.

Hell, even Alysanne isn’t really safe from this- sure Jaehaerys gave her some degree of power, but he always had the final say, and could’ve easily said no (and sometimes did) whenever she couldn’t pull out a whole essay arguing her point. Her suggestions were seen as preposterous and sometimes ignored by people who weren’t even the king- and for all intents and purposes she was the kingdom’s definition of a perfect queen!

So if Alysanne, who 1. Is a targaryen 2. Non-Dornish 3. Has a dragon 4. Extremely popular with almost everyone, could have the small bit of power that Jaehaerys would extend to her, what chance does Myriah have, especially in a political climate where maybe half the people there are predisposed to hate her over stupid prejudices?

While in my mind (hoping grrm doesn’t ruin this for me) Daeron would’ve been happy to extend an equal amount of power to the woman who’s meant to be his partner and closest ally, they could both only do so much before people start to see him as inept and her as a manipulator because let’s not forget: they live in a society™️. I think the best they could do would be to have Myriah as an advisor, someone who can definitely present her ideas and make her opinions known, but Daeron who ultimately has the final say, kinda like a Jaeherys and Alysanne situation if Jaehaerys actually has any respect for his wife /j

[rockinlibrarian]

Post-Umbrella Academy S4 Reaction Part 6: Miscellaneous Thoughts and Master List (spoilers under cut)

Well, here we are! If you're just joining me, I've been spreading out my Season Four reaction essays over the past week, and now I'm finally done. Let's wrap up what we've already gone over, shall we?

"Part One: Reacting More to the Fandom than the Show," is me expressing discomfort at having enjoyed myself watching, and then coming online and seeing HATE HATE HATE. Oddly enough, as moods mellowed in both directions, it seems that I and the angry people actually have most of the same criticisms, so it's a...glass half full thing or something? Forest for trees? Horror for tenticles?

"Part Two: Still Not a Show Write-up, a Fraction of a Fanfic Instead," is when I got the most BRILLIANT (if possibly something only I would care about) idea for a fix-it, and shared the scene (from the middle) I'd spit out that day. I have gotten lots more ideas since, too! Expect a proper first chapter sometime...in the next month or so! (That's "soon" in Me-language).

"Part 3: Viktory!…ish," is me expounding on the thing I loved most about Season 4 (though also giving some tips on how it could have been improved).

"Part Four: On How to End a Story," is me expounding on the thing I liked LEAST about Season 4 (though also in a constructive way!)

"Part Five: On Love Triangles," is me expounding on probably the most controversial aspect of Season 4 (for which my opinions are mixed! Just to annoy the two extremes! Or just because that's what my opinions are, mixed, sorry)

So finally-- I couldn't stretch this out to an even seven posts, sorry Viktor-- I present to you ALL MY OTHER THOUGHTS THAT AREN'T COMPLEX ENOUGH FOR THEIR OWN POSTS! Under the cut, because I'm still trying to be unspoilery on main.

One Viktor thing I forgot to mention in his essay is that his voice has dropped like an octave (one of the reasons they had to skip a few years between seasons, I wager. The other obvious one being that there's no way Aidan Gallagher passes for Being in the Body of a 13yo anymore), and this still THROWS me. Apparently I keep character voices in my head when I’m writing, listening to their lines in their voices to keep them sounding like them, but I didn’t realize how FIRMLY the old pre-testosterone Viktor voice WAS lodged in my brain until suddenly it SOUNDS DIFFERENT. I have learned something about how my brain works with voices! It’s a bigger deal than I thought! I’m still struggling to replace the voice in my head, but I just keep immediately going to the old voice.

I’m really not sure about the career paths anyone took in the preceding six years. Ben getting mixed up in cryptocurrency, that is pretty funny— intelligent enough for him but also jerky. Allison as a(n actually) working actress, yes. Diego’s delivery driver, oddly yes, but wouldn’t it make more sense for him to have sought out janitorial work first, since he actually has experience? I already mentioned how I’m sad Viktor never got back into music— maybe a different instrument, if the violin is too traumatic. Maybe just teaching in general—he outright says in the available excerpts from Extra Ordinary that teaching was his passion. Whatever inspired him to open a bar? But at least I’m pleased he was so successful at it. Five as a CIA agent, yeahhh, that was one of the secret careers I figured all his theoretical physics students suspected him of having, but it might be a little TOO Commissiony to have sought out if he had a choice in the matter. I do think he enjoys going undercover at Keeper events though because they’re the only people crazy enough to listen to him when he tries to tell his story. But he’d never admit that. Lila is obviously unhappy about full-time momming, but why did she go that route in the first place if her parents live with them? Does Klaus not have a job? Why is it assumed he wouldn’t have a job? He’s sober now. I am still very pleased with myself for making him a VA counselor in “New World Symphony,” and I feel like everyone should embrace this headcanon of mine, because it’s genuinely good. I really don’t get Luther as a stripper —an exotic dancer— at all. I guess he was just THAT PLEASED about getting his human body back, but otherwise, how is that anything like the character we’ve known previously? Unless he’s making a point of trying to be NOTHING like his old self?

The deleted scene of Luther and Diego talking did a lot to show Luther’s mindset, and ties him back to the person he was, and it would have made his character make so much more sense if they’d included it. But it still doesn’t explain the stripper thing.

I recognized Klaus’s subplot from the comics, and was kind of proud of myself for doing so (I don’t think I’d read the comics before S3). I just wish it had anything at all to do with the rest of the story. Klaus’s deleted scene at AA is the biggest example of one of the deleted scenes making a huge difference in how different parts of the story might have landed— it wouldn’t have made his subplot affect the PLOT, but it WOULD have wrapped up his arc on a CHARACTER basis, and he would have seemed to be in a much better place to get annihilated from.

The timeline-hopping subway could have been used SO MUCH MORE, and more integrated into the main plot! I feel like they maybe intended to when they first came up with it but then never got their plot to tie together properly. At least there’s SO much fanfic potential in the concept!

I laughed aloud at the King Reg restaurant. There really should have been more of that— the end of Season 3 promised a lot more Reggie being Capitalist King of the World. Where’s Har-mart? I want my Har-mart in there. (That’s another “New World Symphony” reference).

Speaking of the promises of the end of Season 3, the Ben on the subway was so not an intermediate stage between Ben walking out of the garden and Ben getting out of prison. Who was he really, what was he going to be doing? If that’s the timeline-hopping subway, that opens up so many possibilities that were squandered!

Another Ben missed opportunity: Jennifer was in a squid. Ben has a squid(-like monster) inside him. This feels intentional but they never really followed up on it. This should have connected the two of them, not just that ANY Marigold-baby who touched Jennifer would set off the reaction. It should have been more clearly, specifically BEN. I’ve always loved the theory that “Jennifer” was the Horror’s name, and ended up using it in “A Captain with Seven Children,” so now I’m toying with the idea of what if there’s only one Squid, and Jennifer was inside the squid that was inside Ben, on some weird interdimensional level, and that’s why they feel Insta-Connection, because they’ve unconsciously known each other all along???? Doesn’t anyone else see this?!

Speaking of Jennifer, I remember somebody posting info about Season Four casting calls on Elliott’s House, and someone complaining why’d they have to scrounge up a new Love Interest Character anyway. MY theory was that she was actually a human Delores, and it wasn’t a NEW Love Interest Character at all. Well, I was half-right, it WASN’T a new Love Interest Character, it WAS someone we’d already heard about who was actually intrinsic to the plot, and I like that.

Speaking of Love Interest Characters, Sloane and Ray were done so dirty. There was no in-story reason why Sloane didn’t get remade with the others at the end of Season 3 after all. They just didn’t want her around anymore. Which, okay, you want to focus on your original cast (but then, Lila? You let Lila stick around, so why NOT Sloane?), but you could at least find a way to write her out that has some modicum of logic to it. Like, make her a Food-and-Travel writer and send her to Italy (sorry, yet another "New World Symphony" reference). And, look, I know being married to Allison is probably not a walk in the park, but Ray is not the type of guy to give up on his wife. If she’d been married to someone else, yeah, it makes sense that they’d leave her, but RAY? Totally not in character.

Speaking of previously established but not fully formed before Love Interest Characters, ABIGAIL. I said in the endnotes of the last chapter I posted of “New World Symphony” that because I was writing a straight-up AU, nothing that might happen in S4 would affect that story, but the one thing I WAS afraid of was that I might have gotten the characterization of Abigail (who, spoilers, will be showing up in Chapter Five) completely off. I had made her LESS cruel than Reggie, and she did seem likely to turn out to be a Bad Guy— but good news! Her Bad Guy turn feels not at all contradictory to her less-Bad-Guy presentation in my fic! I actually hit her personality fairly accurately!

I love the Allison and Klaus match-up— I feel like they always were friends, and they should have shown more of it in the past! It’s interesting that they seemed to be the only ones staying (deep) in each other’s lives at the start of the season. But I’m curious how they got back in each other’s lives in the first place. What made Klaus seek her out versus any of the siblings who apparently lived closer by? And what kind of overtures had Allison made to any of the others and them to her in those preceding six years? It seemed like some conversations must have taken place for things to be awkward but not so awkward that she doesn’t get invited to her niece’s birthday party.

I kind of liked Viktor’s calm “we’re not friends and that sucks but,” in order for them to get past their MASSIVE unresolved issues, but it didn’t feel quite past enough by the end. We may never be friends, but we will always be family, and I will stand by you, sort of thing, would have been enough.

I think the writers mixed up October and December. Why is Gracie’s birthday in December, when Lila was already several months pregnant at the beginning of April? October makes more sense. And yet Ben apparently died in October, even though the weather was pretty Decemberish at his funeral. Although, come to think of it, that could also have been a subconscious Viktor effect. Doubt Reggie rushed home to him and went, “Before we tell you what happened to your brother, take an extra dose of your pills! Just to be on the safe side!” Hence, a slightly unseasonal snowfall centered around Hargreeves manor.

Watching the teen Hargreeves interact is always fun. I liked that Viktor and Ben were hanging out— lends credence to the common assumption that they WERE friends (if not as close as V & Five were) as kids, and I appreciate that as someone who submitted a “567 are friends” fic to Masked Author this year. I also liked the alternate timeline Academies Five and Lila ran into.

Speaking of teenagers, or preteens, or however old she is, I never expected Claire to have such a big role, and I love her. She is clearly her mom’s daughter, yet remarkably well-adjusted.

Speaking of offspring, I wanted so much MORE of Diego and Lila’s kids. Gracie is such a brilliant mashup of her parents in what little moments we saw of her. But I couldn’t tell you anything about the twins, and I wish I could. Give me more generation-two cousins!

As you’ve probably gathered by my insistence on bringing up Legion throughout these essays, I always think of TUA as being tangentially connected to what I tend to think of as The Hawleyverse, what with there being SO much overlap in the crew and writers. It’s odd that the only actor overlap we got was Kate Walsh and Nick Offerman, both of whom had small side roles in one season of Fargo each, though. And I'm thinking of Fargo now, because I thought there was something very Fargo-esque about the introduction of Jean and Gene. They’re very Fargo-esque characters in general, really. I didn’t like them that much though. And I hate that Cher song they danced to.

I also hate “Bad Touch.” Really, I expect better from this music team! Oh, I just looked it up, Maggie Phillips only picked songs for the first season, that explains it. 😅 (Even Jeff Russo was phoning it in a bit though, I have to mention because a Legion background music song just came on my computer and it’s SO DANG GOOD and the music in TUA didn’t really give me that feeling this season). That said I DID like all the songs I HADN’T heard before, the subway song especially. Also, I appreciated them using Tommy James’ “Think We’re Alone Now” in the final scene, that seems like something the Proper Timeline got right, erasing that Tiffany version from our memories. Sorry! That album was such a cringey part of my childhood. I don’t like that the “oldies” station is now playing the Tiffany version instead of the Tommy James version.

But to end on a good note: The Deli of Fives. How utterly entertaining is that. Also, if “Max” is the name Grace would have given him if he wanted it, it fits him. King of All the Wild Things. May that brilliant kid now move on into a long and storied career. Or may he focus on college and get a Real Job, whatever works for him I guess.

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head. Feel free to converse with me on any of these thoughts! I really like being conversed with! It helps me know I’m not invisible! Viktor-complex, you know.