#i have learned which type of fan events i vibe with this year

[shivunin]

2023 Writing Roundup

Thank you for the tag @inquisimer! This is a really neat game c:

words posted: 392,883 (AO3) and ~70,748 (Tumblr)

additional words written: 90,683 (unfinished wips)

grand total of words: 554,312

fandoms: Dragon Age (and a lil bit of Mass Effect and Baldur's Gate)

highest kudos: *Tie between Saccharine and Between Strokes of Night at 107 kudos each (both smut with feelings haha)

highest hit oneshot: Also Between Strokes of Night at 1,244

new things I tried: New ships (Zevwarden and Fenhawke) and fan events for writing (the Big Bang, 14 Days of Dragon Age Lovers, and Zevwarden Week)

fic I spent the most time on: Katabasis. I don't think I've ever edited any piece as much as I edited this one.

fic I spent the least time on: Byways and Lay-Bys, which I scribbled out very quickly right before I left on a trip. I really wanted to post something on my birthday and on the other side of the country, so it had to be drafted in AO3 before we left.

favorite thing I wrote: So torn between As Two Reflected Stars (I am such a sucker for wound-tending and yearning and writing this was purely self-indulgent), Breath of Life (someone confronting their feelings after a near-death is also one of my favorite things) and A Golden Bell Hung in My Heart (which I wrote for a friend's birthday and is thematically The Last Unicorn meets Dragon Age; I think it's one of the best-composed things I've made to date).

favorite thing(s) I read:

Impact by Baejax (4,173 Words | Fenhawke): Wound-tending and yearning again haha. I really liked the way the author addressed memory and memory loss in this one.

Blue Shift by bloodbright (4,324 Words) : Loved this Mass Effect piece about what Shepard and their crew are like from an outsider perspective. Excellent noir-esque vibes

What to Do by Undomiel_Writes (1,039 Words | Shakarian): This fic has this lovely cadence to it, by which Garrus counts the time he's been waiting for Shepard to wake after the end of the third game. I think it's the one I reread the most this year, too haha

Iron Bound by loquaciousquark (96,959 | Fenhawke): This arranged marriage AU has everything: chivalry, forbidden lovers, a love triangle that is actually a triangle and well-written, absolutely gorgeous descriptions of landscape, really well-done character development and, most importantly, so much yearning. I really can't recommend it enough.

writing goals for 2024: Continue to work on descriptions of place and setting and finish at least one of the long fics I've half-written.

new works: 25 (on AO3)

*Leaving out Your Fate for Mine, which I only posted an epilogue for this year

Tagging @dreadfutures @heniareth @bumblewarden @greypetrel @vakarians-babe. I know things tracking progress can sometimes feel less than great and the new year can be hard, so I am intentionally leaving the tag list short. Please let me know if you'd like to do this and I will tag you immediately!

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[crispy-kitten-princess]

If i ever were able to list all the things i dislike in Magisterium series, this post would've been endless. Instead, I'd mention smth i love so much that it makes me re-read the series for the fifth time and gives me inspiration for new drawings and playlists

The first one is aesthetic. I don't think I've ever read a YA book with the death and necromancy as the main lore theme. Also, the first book in series is so sweet and innocent compared to the fourth I can't believe it lol. Corpses. So gothic. So edgy. Love it

The second is very similar to the first - chaos magic. We come across elemental magic in all sorts of media, but they don't usually have the 5th element, or if they have it's more likely to be electricity or smth. Not ACTUAL NECROMANCY omfg... I love it. Also Makars being able to manipulate not only chaos (the void itself) but the soul.... Cute

So next. The main character ofc. Callum Hunt. What can I say he is such a cinnamon roll hating himself for what he is not. Screaming, crying, throwing up. I can feel his pain with every fiber of my soul he's so relatable. He is a type of chaotic neutral main character which is rare I guess, and at the same time he doesn't act like a total jerk and piece of shit. Can't name some other like him, idk. He's sweet but also edgy. His self-confidence is below the surface of the earth. He's just like me frfr my poor little meow meow. Also he is disabled and it influences the events of the book. Sometimes. Cool, representative. Not a disabled person myself but can appreciate it

Another reason for me to love the series is the changing of Call's secrets idk how to call this. The structure of his character lore. His secrets and abilities, they're layered.. you know... And every book one by one uncovers these layers: 1 - he uncovers that he is the reincarnation of Constantine. 2 - he gets his powers (which made Constantine evil at the first place). 3 - he learns more about Constantine's family, and the whole world finds out that he "is" the Enemy of Death. 4 - omg how much he uncovers here lol i can't. May be my favourite book thanks to its maaad vibe. Everything he learns here makes him closer and closer to Constantine. 5 - i know that most of the fandom thinks it was stupid to make Constantine himself a reincarnated thousand-years-old evil Makar. And i may agree. But in the moment of reading this it was so impactful for me idk why.... I literally cried idk!!! Lol. Love the moment where Call opens his memory to help his friends to fight wolves or smth, and PASSES OUT. KING. So, the other secret is uncovered here. Everything he learns makes him understand Constantine's/Maugris's motives, but he never ever becomes anything like them nor wishes to follow their path. Pretty symbolic and meaningful

Upd. SOME MOMENTS ARE FREAKING HILARIOUS

So what can I say? Every series has it's weak and strong points. Some of them become classic literature, some are forgotten in the abyss of YA books. I understand why Magisterium's place is with the second type of series, and it's not even saddens me anymore (we're so underground teehee). But i see many posts where the series is shitted over, and not much of posts appreciating the things that we actually love in it. Aren't they the reason you started and finished it sometime? So I'm here spreading positivity! And also because I'm so tired of being a fan of this shit so i tried to acknowledge all that i love, and why am i here in the first place

I think it's all for now, maybe I'll come with more ideas later

Fandom are you alive? Heh am I a Call kinnie to the point that i become necromancer?...

P.S. sometimes i think I'm so cringe to be periodically obsessed with this STUPID POOR-WRITTEN CHILDISH BOOK ABANDONED EVEN BY IT'S OWN CREATORS BUT I CAN'T HELP IT...... AND THE WORST THING IS THAT I DIDN'T EVEN READ IT IN MY EARLY TEENS (except the 1 which i read when i was around 13. Read it twice in one week so maybe that's the moment my brain was damaged) I READ IT WHEN I WAS 16 ALREADY aaarrrhh I'm so cringe. Why obsession why why why why why why i hate this but this is literally the only book which makes me cry and scream and feel every fucking time i re-read it even when i know EVERYTHING THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN LITERALLY EVERYTHING reading it all again for the 6th time FOR GODDESS SAKE WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME

[someslothcheese]

You encountered Gym Leader [NAME]!

Alright, Long ass design and lore explanations beneath the cut.

I've already explained my design choices for Doug-Parkzer, but due to my account dying that post is gone, so I'll re-explain. Also, I've gotten better at drawing in style as I've continued, so I might go back and redraw Doug and Parkzer, the designs are fine -probably my favourites thus far- but I don't think the lineart is up to current standard.

Doug Design

The pupil shape matches the bellpepper icon, I was considering doing an expression or shape that matches some of the other versions of the eyes. Jerma fans ate Shuffler's design up tbh. Mad P03 vibes.

"Dyed Hair". I always hated the bleached hair look on Doug, eventually I came to just find it familiar, but thank god it's basically gone by now. I used the blonde-er hair to make a pattern similar to fire.

Guy Fieri patterns on suit. If I was having Doug in a fire Gym I had to have Doug Fieri mentioned at least somewhere.

Orange Tie from Streamer Awards. How was that like almost two years ago? Squeex interviews and Doug won... We had it all...

Shoes from PointCrow Party, when he played the character "Wallace". Man I miss PointCrow Party, if I had known how Autistic I was gonna be over it I would've bought the props. Every day I mourn.

Patterns based around fire on the suit jacket, sort of more triangles though, didn't want to just repeat the same fire spikes everywhere.

Glasses based on Learning Ettique Stream from SamWitch. Doug keeps wearing these types of glasses, I think he's eating them up?

Shoulder Pads are removable from the outfit, I want to have him wear the same outfit but, less, for formal events.

Fire Type was decided on due to the Capsicum/Bell Pepper icon

"Lore"

Matching Charcadet evolutions with Parkzer, is a way of hinting to their friendship and personalities.

Co-Owns gym together. Doug promotes Parkzer because the guy is actually really good at managing the gym, unlike him.

Was originally going to be an electric gym due to Doug's Coding gimmick during battle. (In which random status could apply, random heals could apply, and terrain could change.) but because his partner pokemon Scovillian is a fire type, he just doesn't change it.

Stands out due to his eccentric suit

He currently looks after Eric's Starly for him -Explained later-

PointCrow

Head sprites on the left were the originals, I decided I didn't like the shape, too sharp and the hair differed from how I normally draw PC. This was changed last minute though, so the scar-updated version isn't as interesting as it once was.

The patterns on the wingsuit are from TOTK, Shika patterns I think.

At one point I considered a paraglider similar to Link, but I felt it was too on the nose and opted for this design instead.

At a point, Raruu's arm was considered, but it felt like too much main character energy. Instead, it went to my base design for PC lol.

Flying type was picked due to a combo of icons from the channel (Doodle, "Crow"), and of course, Link and Pointcrow's love for the Zelda series.

The suit and helmet designs were based around Starly, which I thought would be the closest substitute for Doodle.

When originally thinking of this AU, the sketches I made for headshots I wanted to make sure I made PC and Smant similar in design based on the "similar appearances" joke. As someone with face blindness, it's crazy... I think I managed that - more later.

The casualwear outfit sleeve cuffs are red and blue, Mr Miyamoto would be so proud of me. At one point I made the shoes also red and blue but it was too crazy of a design for me.

The scar in his later design was placed on the same eye his bruise was on for the Ludwig Chess Boxing PhotoShoot.

Corviknight was originally going to be a pre-evo whilst Starly would be returned to Eric as a Staraptor, but I decided his Partner would not change without its owner and whilst Eric ages Starly doesn't.

Crobat is on his team to show his love for his Pokemon despite the hermit mindset he has taken on.

Lore

Flier 89 is the name of the famous wingsuit glider in the region. Pointcrow starts training at a young age, becomes Gym leader, and is friends with Smant for the duration, some of the youngest gym leaders in the region's history.

He has a crash one day and loses the ability to fly due to depth perception.

He stops talking to his closest friend who he blames for the crash, as someone tore his suit. Truthfully, it was Eric, who denied it because he wants to push away his friend, due to no longer finding confidence in himself after he lost his "one skill".

Eventually, the trainer finds PC and convinces him to fight them, as it's necessary for their completion of the gym challenges. This is probably through a quest of just walking around with him whilst he talks about his self-worth, why he wants his talent back and why he wants to be "Flier 89" still instead of Eric.

When he fights you, his name changes to Eric in the pop-up despite being in Flier 89's outfit.

He even uses his Starly, which he had given to his friend to look after. No longer being able to stomach the sight of his partner Pokemon due to PTSD.

Smant

Headshape tried to appear similar enough to Eric's design.

Glasses are made to look thinner following both irl similarities and aiming to look separate enough from the other.

Wasn't sure how hard to go with the facial hair because in every instance bro either has a full beard growing in or is clean-shaven.

Hair was odd to do, I don't think his avatar is entirely accurate (though that's normal). So I overlayed the colour onto my original version to try and have the best of both worlds.

The hair shape I had was entirely different at multiple stages, so eventually I just tried to copy his avatar, with a bit more spike. I don't dislike it, but it doesn't sit right with me still.

Originally I wanted to have more of his Gym leader outfit in the splash, but I decided to keep it simple.

I think that he'd look back on his old outfit and cringe, just keeping the accessories and using them along with his base outfit.

Ground Type gym leader so that way he could keep his Quagsire. Though I do think it aligns with his personality pretty well.

A team designed to help with mining, because if Tanner Minecraft Ground Gym Leader isn't Mining and Crafting I don't know who is...

More to come!!!

[pbear]

Going to include some opinions on this one. Warning on spoilers for any of them.

Tokyo Revengers: Honestly kind of slogging through this one. I don’t exactly dislike it but I don’t think it’s for me. The time travel concept I do like but I’m not really into watching middle schoolers beat each other up. Still in the middle of season 1.

Horimiya: Literally watched all of season 1 in 2 days. Very enjoyable. It doesn’t beat around the bush and I like that. (Hori and Miyamura actually become a couple before the series ends so you see their dynamic before and after and it’s not some super dramatic moment where they get together. It just happens.) The characters are all extremely likable and I love watching their antics. I’m watching Horimiya: The Missing Pieces as it comes out and it’s great even though it’s mostly just everyday activities with the gang. Love them all.

Trigun 1998: Moved pretty slowly through this one. Finishing one episode didn’t make me want to watch another and it wasn’t because I was disliking the plot or characters. I got to the end and enjoyed it overall, but I never really had a clue what was going to happen next which didn’t make me anticipate the next episode. Wolfwood is my favorite even though the main four were all great. It also gave me Cowboy Bebop vibes.

Jujutsu Kaisen: On Season 2. Very good and animation is good as always. The flashback of Gojo’s time at Jujutsu Tech is bittersweet. Riko’s death is so painful and sudden. You see Geto’s change and it makes the current events of the series more personal. Shibuya arc is coming up and from the manga fans’ reaction, I’m expecting a lot of pain.

Bungou Stray Dogs: SEASON FIVE BABYYYYYYY. THIS SHOW HAS MY HEART AND SOUL. So far, the pacing has been better than last season. Mourning Akutagawa smiling as he lets Atsushi escape. Bones has left out some bits and pieces but it’s been very enjoyable. It’s weird that we’re catching up to manga events very fast though. I’m not sure where this season will end yet.

Black Clover: My new obsession. Watched it because it gave me Fairy Tail vibes and I love it for a lot of the same reasons I love Fairy Tail. The magic types are so cool to watch. The found family in the Black Bulls is a peak example of the trope. I love them all. A lot of the characters I’m super invested in. Favorites right now are Luck, Klaus, and Magna though. I keep making posts saying I just started but I’m like a third through the series already. It hasn’t made me cry yet but I know it will.

D20 Fantasy High Sophomore Year: Not as good as the first season but still great. I still have to finish the last episode but the arcs and development for all the Bad Kids is amazing. Dimension 20 in general is great for how it can switch between fun antics and telling a truly great story with touching moments. Standout moments include Hilda Hilda, Fabian learning to dance, Kristen trying to fly with a dance ribbon, Gorgug learning to be an artificer to talk to Zelda, and Fig and Ayda.

[amazing-spiderling]

for the fandom ask game: 5 6 11 16 23 24

something you see in fics a lot and love

I really love seeing Foggy sort of leap-frogging over his panic and anger and confusion in moments of crisis to get right to the part where he works on being helpful. That, "We are going to fight about this later, but right now I need to stop that bleeding" sort of thing. Foggy is absolutely allowed to have emotions and fall apart in a crisis, but he has a good head on his shoulders and certainly after a certain point he's had to learn to compartmentalize just to survive being in Matt's life. I think it's comforting to imagine having a friend or partner like that- I guess it speaks to the idea of there always being an undercurrent of love. No matter what else is going on in the moment, no matter how furious or scared or worried the events taking place right now make them, they do not supplant the love that is at the basis of the relationship. I just think that's neat.

something you see in art a lot and love

When artists really have fun with the clothing, paying attention to details and making things really specific. When someone really pays attention to drawing a certain kind of shoe- I'm just... yeah, that's the good stuff. :)

if you’re a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?

Well, I'm a little bit of both- but I guess a fic sprang to mind first so I'll answer for that. (tw for fictional CSA mention btw) So, as I've not-so-casually mentioned, one of my first big/long term fandoms was Metal Gear Solid. And I know that some of the memes from that series have escaped containment, and to the outsiders it might look like "Call of Duty but with the occasional zany moment" but it does have a lot of story (too much, some might say XD) and intricate character relationships and lore and, ugh it's just SUCH fertile ground for art and fic and all the things that make fandom great. But, it *does* also very much appeal to gamer dudes of the usual type. And normally this is fine, the transformative fans and the archival fans largely keep to their own fandom spaces- but sometimes there is crossover that rubs one group or the other the wrong way.

One such case is that there is a character who has an "affair" with his step-mother, but I put that in quotes because when the dust settles, it turns out this happened when the character in question was 16. There is TERRIBLE fallout from the event (family trauma, suicide, estrangement) and the game plays it all straight- this is something that broke the already fragile family to pieces. BUT for a long time, the joke was "haha character banged his stepmom". Which. Ew.

Anyways, I always really wanted to write a story that sort of expanded on those events, not the actual relationship/abuse/fallout, but more the events that precluded it, mostly what made the character an easy target. (Isolation, otherness, a lack of confidence in who they were as an individual). Basically, I wanted to really tell a story that treated the matter with the needed level of seriousness, if only to say, "hey, this isn't a punchline, this is a traumatic experience".

I ended up watching, "The Graduate" a few times as sort of... research? Partially for tone, partially because the themes and characterization in that movie matched the vibe I was trying to go for in my own story. (I can't help but think that Kojima, known for referencing movies in his games- might have had it in mind due to some shared imagery.) This was maybe the first time I did something like that, watching a movie to pick it apart for nuance in tone, as opposed to looking at it for canon events, timelines etc.

So that story ended up being, "Surface Tension", which first appeared in the "Metal Gear Solid: Lost Years" zine, and then eventually got posted to AO3. It's not my best reviewed fic by a long shot (understandably, it's a difficult subject material and not shippy or anything), but it's one that I can say I am proud of.

a tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate

Wow, this one is tricky for me- I feel like a lot of fans are way more detail oriented than I am when it comes to canon. I'm always the one in awe when people are like, "Oh in episode seven, this one song is playing in a car as it drives by, and that's significant because it came out in 2013 and that was the year that..." and i'm just like "you guys know the names of songs?"

I guess to that end- I always liked the line in, I think it's season 1 where Matt says it's a "90's Top 40" kind of guy. I think it's really funny because people characterize him as having... well, let's just say "better" musical taste, but like, no. That dude would bop his head if you played the Spin Doctors.

the fandom you’re curious about because of a mutual

I have no idea what's going on in the Trolls fandom, and at this point I'm afraid to ask. But they all look like they're having a great time.

how has fandom positively impacted your life?

I've made so many friends, and as someone who doesn't get out as much as I'd like (especially as an immunocompromised person in the middle of a pandemic), my fandom friends are so, so important to me. I love the feeling of having a group of people who love the thing I love and being able to waltz into a space and say, "Hey, who wants to do this crazy thing with me?" and have even a few people say "Yeah, let's fucking GOOOO". ^^

I also think I wouldn't write nearly as much if it wasn't for fandom, and writing has certainly gone a long way towards helping me become better at unraveling the balls of yarn in my brain and making them into sweaters and scarves, as it were. I think a lot of the time when you write, you're practicing empathy- because you're forcing yourself to see the world from someone else's perspective. Maybe the character you're writing about had something in common with you, maybe that's what drew you to them in the first place, but identifying that also helps you understand more about yourself *and* how you relate to others. So I like to think that writing has helped me relate better to other people, even the ones I disagree with, and made me more able to slow down and ask, "well, why does this person feel/think that way?" Storytelling is so important for a lot of reasons, but that's a big one for me.

[zero-ek]

Oshikatsu

So this has been taking up pretty much all of my thoughtspace for like the past month or so, but to be completely honest it's been a recurring thought of mine for (i think) the past three or four years. That being: "as a fan of idols and superstar singers and the like, is there a balanced and appropriate way of being a fan in spite of the more unhealthy behaviors this medium usually incentivizes?", or better put, "can oshikatsu be a good thing?"

I'm a lot more foreign to mainstream idol culture than i'd like to admit (believe it or not, i've only ever watched the Nijigasaki Love Live spin off and the first season of IMas. Also Pripara has been in my to watch queue for like years now), like growing up i was more of the vocaloid kid, and even then i wasn't like super crazy into it as the communities around me were. When i did eventually start getting more into music and singers, i was a lot more into the sort of mainstream rock/popstar sort of artist and the like, which then eventually led me into more of the doujin music and utaite side that to this day is like my main preference. Now while that corner of J-Music does have its own form of standom, it's usually not to the degree that you see in the more idol adjacent spaces, so that was a difference that i had felt from the get go once i did eventually start getting into the more idol kind of music and fandom, but i figured that so long as no actual harm is being done, then there shouldn't be a problem, plus this was me in my complete lurker era, so even if i did go crazy stan mode, at least i wasn't actually putting it out there, so i thought it was fine

I think as a fan i did match the tone of the fandoms for like some two or three years until like 2021-ish, which even though it was by that time i discovered my favourite singer ever, i started to feel less into the whole standom vibe that the communities i was in were pushing harder and harder for, and, this being my late teens, i started to look past the "music banger, girls pretty" surface and learn more about all the bad sides that there is with honestly just superstar business and standom culture all around (being as broad as i can here). So from there, i decided to make an effort to distance myself from the more fanatical forms of fandom expression, which led me to keep some fandoms at arm's length and just leave others entirely, it is still a medium i love and i figured that if i just kept myself in check and engaged with it with a more moderate and healthy approach, then that'd be good enough.

I should clarify that I don't condemn having strong emotional attachments or even being an unhinged fanatic (affectionate) when it comes to other types of fandoms, of course, and in fact i even indulge on it myself sometimes. Like sure, everything in moderation, but like, if i say for example that "BLORBO X IS MY BABY I WOULD DIE FOR THEM" or stuff of the sort, i think those are valid ways of showing your appreciation for something as a work of art, and seeing that works of art are not particularly conscious or animate (in one sense of the word), the unilateral character of your relationship with it, and the way you go about expressing yourself about it means that, with due moderation, there is little to no harm in these stronger emotional connections you form and the way you may go about expressing it. That is different for idol/superstar fandom because it is a medium of human-to-human relations, even in cases where direct contact between artist and fandom is as reduced as it can be, there's the inescapable fact that fan expression towards the artist are ultimately one's personal interpretations of not an unconscious character, but of another human being, and because of that i feel that there should be a greater degree of care and respect for their dignity when going about it, and why personal attachment is a lot trickier of a subject to navigate.

(BTW it's the reason why i don't really livepost during like big events anymore, or even like participate in the live chat or anything, because i still get very strong emotional responses that i understand are just spur of the moment, so i would prefer giving myself the time to calm down and say something i won't regret later own, though i won't lie that does still happen)

But wouldn't you know, emotional connections are very hard to deconstruct, so while i've been making a continuous effort to not crazy fangirl for those 4 or so years, every now and then i'll realize that something i've been overlooking has a deeper effect on me than i thought. For example, there was the termination that happened at the beginning of this year, it caught me so off guard that from what i wrote apparently it made me physically ill (i don't really remember if it really did or if it was just me using hyperbole, either way i was still very shaken). Up to that point i thought my position as a fan was moderate enough, but after all that happened it made me stop and think "why did i react so strongly in the first place?" and "was i really being a fan in a healthy way if i did?". Usually i'll try to course correct whenever i catch myself straying into fan behaviour that doesn't sit right with me, be that shifts in the culture i don't see eye to eye with, or fan expressions that i don't want to align myself with but realize that i might be at risk of repeating myself. But being away from the fandoms at large or even just select people on the same page as me, I only have my own perspective to go by, so it's perfectly possible (and it actually frightens me a little) that trying to be a more "moderate" and "healthy" fan put me on a path of being my own kind of unhinged fanatic (not affectionate) that i'm too self absorbed to realize. Unfortunately i haven't met anyone who shares the exact fan experience that i do in order to more accurately gauge whether i've really been oshikatsu-ing in moderation or if i'm just my own brand of crazy now.

This is far from the first time i've been made to reconsider my position as a fan, like i said, it's been a recurring thought in my head for maybe 4 years now, but recently i came into contact with a fellow fan of an artist that made me look at it from an angle i haven't thought about so far, which is why i've been thinking particularly hard about it for this past month or so. See, they're extremely, and i mean extremely stoic about being a fan, like, they also separated themselves from the larger fandom and took to their own corner, but even then they don't partake in even what i had so far considered harmless forms of fan expression. It's been an eye-opening experience for me, listening to the things they talk and how they go about being a fan, because it brought to light some things that i would otherwise never consider if i just kept using the overall fandom as my control group, i would like to talk about each one of them on their own, but at this point i still haven't fully processed their implications on my way of oshikatsu, and they pretty much all have a common thread:

"How much should i as a fan be affected by an artist, if at all?"

While i thought i had found my answer for that, seeing it from the perspective of an even more reserved fan than me made me once again question whether my degree of separation, even if more than the general fandom's, was actually enough to be considered a healthy one as i've been thinking so far.

Wording the question as "how big of a part should an artist have in my life", the answer i had so far was "an unobstructive one", basically, they're not my whole life or my reason to live or anything, but at the same time it's hard for me to deny that they had a significant impact in my life that i would considerer to be positive, i mean, they make art, which can leave a lasting impression on you and your outlook on certain things if you're able to connect with it. But then that makes me wonder "is it really okay, even if through the medium of art, that someone i don't know has that big of an influence in my life? Is that really alright?", like, even if considering the merit of music as an artform and therefore its ability to move people, if someone has the ability to influence one's feelings and therefore their subsequent thought processes and decision making through the art they create, is it really okay to allow them to affect my life to the degree that i've experienced? If yes, then what is the appropriate degree? And how should i as a fan respond to that?

Then, something else that i've been thinking about is the inevitably transactional nature of idol and superstar media being an entertainment form, with the artist as a provider of a product and the fan as a consumer of said product (i don't like the wording here either but i don't think there's any other way to put it), and how to balance that reality with the medium itself being a genuinely sincere expression of a human being's passions and skills they've honed (which i do believe still applies to the artists i still follow), and the appreciation one ought to have for that, especially since in my case in particular, it concerns music, something so dear to me long before i came across this medium, and that i can't even think of as a product completely devoid of human emotion. I genuinely thought i had that balance down, or at least that i was getting close to it, but now i'm really not sure.

I feel like for any other medium this isn't a conundrum at all, but because standom culture capitalizes on the human itself as part of the artform, there is a greater nuance that's sort of standing in the way of me getting the answer i'm looking for, and for better or for worse this was a space that i was a part of and influenced by for quite a long time, so I can't help but feel conflicted, to the point where i've been wondering if i should just turn away from it altogether. Like, on one hand, it feels wrong to just partake in the art (music, illustrations, concerts, etc.) and remove myself from the human who made it when they are so intrinsically interconnected, and how that can inspire and serve as motivation to the people they relay it to. But at the same time, if this medium as a business capitalizes on that very emotional connection and that sense of human-to-human relations that they convey, even if i'm not a part of the fanatic fandom that they target, is that something i should be a part of or support? Like, is it even possible to be a "moderate" fan of that kind of medium?

Being someone who is usually a "take the good with the bad" type (and as a girl into otaku culture, that means i'm accustomed to putting up with a lot of stuff, for better or for worse), i so far had the idea that, in sort of moving away from the bigger fanatical fandom, and being a fan on my own in a way that i'm more confortable with was still a positive. I do still love it as an artform and i genuinely admire the artists i still follow, but i can't help but question if it's even something worth being a fan of if at large it encourages fan behaviour that i don't think it's healthy, to the point where the only way i can enjoy it is isolating myself from pretty much everyone else, like does the good really outweight the bad as much as it think it does?

I don't really have an answer, which both annoys and fascinates me, since looking at it written down, i feel like it shouldn't be this hard of a thing to figure out, yet none of the solutions i can come up i'm happy with. Though on a less ultimatum note, thinking about it did highlight some things about my fan behaviour that aren't as okay as i previously thought they were, so for now i'll work on fixing those as it's all i can really do right now. Maybe they'll lead me to the realization i'm looking for later down the line but for now i'm just gonna keep ruminating on this for the foreseeable future.

[phammie]

Bunnies Camp Diary.. 📝🐇

Bunnies Camp 2024 Tokyo Dome... We did it. Wow. We really did it... How did we manage that??? It’s hard to believe we filled a venue like Tokyo Dome with Bunnies. Even now that it's over... It was so huge that I doubted if there were really that many people who liked us in the first place. I have so, so many thoughts and feelings about the past few days, preparing for it and actually performing it. I'm not going to lie, I had a lot of concerns... It was never about trusting the staff at ADOR. They always take care of us so well and help us more than anyone else, so I never worried about that!! But what I was worried about was whether the five of us could pull it off... The past few weeks, let alone months, have flown by so fast, filled with lots of schedules, shoots, and preparations for our comeback. It’s not that I didn’t have faith in the girls or our capability, but it was more about whether we'd be able to live up to all our staff's efforts and exceed people’s expectations. If you think about it, the reason I had such worries was because we've worked so hard until now... And holding a fan meeting at Tokyo Dome, not even a concert, was an unbelievable situation (in a good way)... The pre-sale selling out... That was really unbelievable. Honestly, I thought it was a mistake or a wrong news report...

**(I'm sorry, reporter, it was my misunderstanding!! You reported it correctly!!) And the fact that so many people had high expectations meant that they believed we could do it... which led to those expectations. I had my personal expectations, too. I wanted this fan meeting to overflow with showcasing our abilities, how much we’ve grown, not just as performers but as people. We’ve experienced and learned so much in the past year, and I can't deny the huge effect it has had on the way we view our work! To kind of show all of this while giving everyone lots of good energy and vibes and sharing music with you all was my goal! Anticipation, so to say. The first day, since we finished rehearsal early, Hyein and I went to the highest and farthest seats in the back, and... I don't know if I should say this, but until I actually went to Tokyo Dome, I kept hearing that it was really, really big! So I mentally prepared myself... But when I actually got there and stood on the stage... Of course, it was big, but not as big as I had imagined... But after going to the seats all the way in the back on the 3rd floor, it really hit me how big Tokyo Dome actually was. The fact that only our fans and people who chose to give up their time and buy a ticket to come watch us would fill this place... I found that very hard to believe. Anyways.... firstly, I'm so so so happy that 250 performed at our fan meeting. It goes without saying that he composed our songs, but being able to be on the same stage was so great!! His opening section was absolutely insane. I know there are so many Bunnies (who unfortunately did not get to see it....) who would have absolutely enjoyed it. You guys, I can’t explain in words how insane 250's opening DJ set was. I actually teared up on the first day when the intro started because it felt like falling into a dream... Like a very deep but short dream. And Bunnies Camp felt exactly like that! It feels like you’re stuck but roaming around in your dream, looking at different memories and reminiscing those moments. My time on stage always feels like a dream... Like I can’t quite grasp or remember it, but I know that I was just so happy. But don’t worry, I remember a lot!! Anyway, that’s how I felt. Ahh.. I’m feeling a bit sleepy, but I need to write everything down to feel at ease!! I have so many things I want to say, but I can’t organize my thoughts, and my nails make it even harder to type. LOL

The guest performers were really amazing! I’m so, so, so grateful that they performed at our fan meeting and helped us maintain the flow and energy of the event. Although I couldn’t properly watch their full performances, it was nice to see someone else perform and how they interacted with the crowd and Bunnies while on stage!! What an honor to have such incredible people be part of such a special event for us. I'm sure everyone who attended will agree that they made Bunnies Camp even more special and precious!

Each member’s solo stage!!!!!! I was so happy to see them showcase their unique charms!! Hehe. Haerin’s solo stage... No words needed!! She was so cool and basically cast a spell on everyone in Tokyo Dome. Minji’s song and stage presence... What should I say... I felt her really connect with her song while practicing, and seeing her perform it at rehearsals made me so, so, so happy!! Seeing her sing a song she really loved and played a lot while running around on stage. Dani and her song are absolutely insane. Poor thing didn’t have much time but was adamant about performing a self-produced song at the fan meeting. I remember her staying up really late a lot, even after full-day schedules, to make the song. When she first played the rough version for us... My jaw dropped. Hehe. She’s really amazing... Hyein was so, so, so cool!! I can’t imagine how much she went through while we were promoting... We can’t know 100% for sure, but she prepared both songs so diligently!! Even as a fellow member... seeing everyone’s confidence grow with each practice session and then seeing them on stage made me smile so much. It’s not like I feel superior to them or anything... But seeing my teammates... Seeing my best friends perform and receive such good reactions from the crowd made me so happy. Although I was in the middle of switching outfits and couldn’t physically see their stages... We’ve seen each other practice and rehearse so much that I’ve memorized them all, so when I hear the crowd scream at specific spots... I found myself smiling alone... This time, being on stage with all five of us felt right. It felt complete!

The university festival tour? Hehe. While doing the mini tour and preparing for this comeback, I realized how many people’s help is needed for just one stage. Of course, I knew it before, but... They worked harder than us, especially during the preparations for this Tokyo Dome fan meeting. So I felt that the only way to repay their efforts was to do really well on stage! Really, this time too! I once again realized how amazing the ADOR staff and team are. I really do hope people realize and acknowledge how many people work so, so hard behind the scenes and unseen... I don’t want to speak on their behalf... But personally, seeing how happy Bunnies were makes everything worth it. But... I know that our fans know because of our ADOR family... All of this is possible! We took a group photo for the first time with all our staff, and it felt like... home. So warm and homey!..

Being able to not only perform for you all but also give and take love and energy and share such a precious few hours in an environment like Bunnies Camp Tokyo was an absolute dream!! All the hardships we faced before seemed like nothing... I wanted to take good care of everyone who came! No matter where you were seated, I feel like I can take even better care of you next time!! I’ll think a lot, research, and learn so that next time, I can make up for the parts I felt were lacking this time and take good care of even those who are so far away that we look like ants on stage!! I promise!!!!

Anyway... I’m sleepy. LOL I’m really sleepy now. I’ll write more if something else comes to mind!!

Ah!! I’m so grateful and happy that the band members joined us this time too!! Our dancers!! They always bring such great energy, making it so enjoyable to be on stage with them, and I’m sure they worked really hard preparing with us... Our managers too... Thank you for organizing everything and taking care of us!!! The production team!!! You guys are the best!!! Always letting us to deliver great performances and making us smile when we’re having a hard time!! Our stylists and hair and makeup team!! Thank you for making us look pretty and dressing us in such cool and beautiful outfits, not just for the fan meeting but for all our schedules!! AnR & Sound team!!! Thank you for making NewJeans' colors a reality! The creative team!!... (I’m too sleepy to remember the exact titles, sorry!!!) I’m sure there were many people I missed... But really, thank you so, so much!!

I’m going to sleep now. Hehe.

I love you all so, so, soooo much, seriously! I know a lot of you came to see us for the first time... And many of you traveled very far to come see us! To everyone who came and enjoyed yourselves, there’s nothing more we could ever ask for than for you to come and enjoy being in the moment with us! The fact that we were able to make you all so happy during the few hours we spent together really gives... Bunnies, you made Bunnies Camp so special and memorable!! From now on... I’ll keep loving you, Bunnies!! Even if I don’t say it often, please know it!

[steppedoffaflight]

Sorry if this is weird. I've followed you since the SAK days and I've always loved your end of year posts. No pressure at all but I was wondering if you'd do a 2023 one? Like what are your favourite songs, albums, TV shows, books, games etc. of the year. Lots of love ❤️

Anon, thank you soooo much for asking this. As you probably know since you've followed me for so long, I love New Years, and I love keeping track of the media I consume, and I love talking about it!!!! This is so long. You're in for a trip.

Below the cut are my recs for music, podcasts, books, fic (all hockey), TV shows, and games.

MUSIC

Maren Morris (particularly the GIRL album) A lot of my dedicated listening time was actually during the summer, when I was working feverishly on a Nico/TK fic that currently has a draft with like 30k words but I got stuck and have taken a break from it lmao. If you care to understand more about the fic, I keep a tag. Anyway, I was looking for something upbeat/slightly country (I don't really enjoy country) for the vibes, and really liked her stuff. Some of my faves include: Nervous, The Feels, Make Out With Me, Shade. Tate McRae My girlfriend is a loooongtime fan of her, and I love a good pop album. Overall I really enjoy Think Later, with my faves being Greedy, Think Later, and Plastic Palm Trees. Mt Joy They are actually my fave band since Catfish ghosted me! I am truly, to the core, a Rearrange Us girlie (that album is pure art), but Orange Blood comes close and takes me back to summertime every time I listen. Faves from it include Orange Blood, Roly Poly, Johnson Song, Lemon Tree, Don't It Feel Good, and Bathroom Light (one of my top songs of all time).

PODCASTS

You Can't Do That A hockey podcast (they are Caps fans but cover all of the NHL) that's so fucking hilarious and entertaining. I listen to it religiously. Keeper Chat This one I found randomly through Spotify recommendations!! Flora & Fauna are two ex-zookeepers and each episode discuss an animal. I love learning little trivia bits about animals, but honestly their digressions are the best part. They are fucking hilarious and do not take their job of imparting knowledge on their listeners seriously. And it's incredible. The Tiny Meat Gang Podcast I have kind of always been a Cody & Noel fan, but only started listening to their podcast this year as background noise at work. They are very funny and I like that they're not overly loud/screaming because that's obnoxious when I'm trying to work. Also I agree with a lot of their pop culture takes, so it's fun to see what they'll discuss. Sold a Story More of a docuseries type podcast, it has 10ish parts and is investigative journalism into how schools started adopting a curriculum that is scientifically proven NOT to be the correct way to teach kids to read?!?! I was mind blown?? I was HOOKED and wish everyone in the world would listen.

BOOKS

Stolen Focus by Johann Hari I read this book and then immediately quit every social media (just about). It made me realize my attention was precious (especially with ADHD) and made me want to be more intentional with it. The State of Affairs by Esther Perel My girlfriend informed me that people on tiktok really enjoy arguing about Esther Perel and this book that they've interpreted as her manifesto that monogamy isn't achievable. Which is not really what's going on in the book, lmao. It's a fantastic deep dive into infidelity (which impacts sooo many people!!) and how our societal ideas of a "fairytale" type partner that is our one and only everything is so limiting and sets us up for failure. Spare by Prince Harry I listened to this on audiobook and just enjoyed the experience of hearing what a royal life is like, lmao. It was so fascinating and I have a lot of respect for him and Meghan. A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket I've been working my way through the box set I bought last year, but lately I've been in a reading slump and according to the internet you should reread some of your favorites. I always loved that this series didn't handle hard things with kid gloves when I was younger. It's like the author treats children with enough dignity to trust they can handle the harsh realities of the world.

FICS (all hockey, if you're not interested skip to the next section haha)

I have a horrible habit of using ao3 on my phone, downloading fics and sending them to my kindle, and then it's hard for me to remember what I've read/get back to them once I'm off my kindle. I keep all of my recs in my bookmarks on my ao3 (which I'm trying to update currently!), but I'll throw in some faves: from this day forward series by greenteam (Jack Hughes/Nico Hischier/Jonas Siegenthaler) A modern royalty au where Jack and Nico essentially have an arranged marriage. Both parts are A+++, but anyone who knows me knows I looove some polyamory and exploration into the dynamics of it, and the second part hits that nail on the head. Featuring trying a dynamic out and getting it wrong (!!!!!) and needing to make adjustments. Chef's kiss. California, dude. So sick. by dilangley (Trevor Zegras/Jamie Drysdale) I downloaded this with the intention to binge it all in one night, and then got so lost in the universe I took much longer with it. Fun summery vibes, full of the mundane realism I love and have been ranting about recently (this is the fic where Trevor picks at Jamie's peeling sunburn, ugh!!!!!) amateur hour at herbie's travel center. june. by Matriaya (Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick) This is a little 5k thing about making amateur porn spur of the moment, but really I have loooved digging into Matriaya's work, which includes a lot of realism in smut, which is my absolute faaaavorite!!!!! Grabbing the link for this post I also see they've published a lot of work recently that I need to download asap. heaven won't be the same by lilcrickee (Nico Hischier/Jack Hughes) I was trying to keep this list down to three, and with different pairings, but UGH I can't help but mention this one. A Bridgerton au that was SO FUN to read and the tenderness made me sob. I've already read every Travis Konecny/Lawson Crouse fic lilcrickee has graciously provided this earth, and I love their work immensely.

TV SHOWS

Queen Charlotte I've loved everything in the Bridgerton universe so far, and this spin-off might be my favorite season so far! Jury Duty Sooo funny. Although it's kind of trippy that Ronald was living in a scripted world. Lost I'm not gonna talk about it anymore, I'll go insane. I was just rewatching season 2 last night.

GAMES

Cozy Grove I've mentioned Cozy Grove a few times on here, but I love it sooo much. Def one of my favorite games I played this year!! I love that the game doesn't care if you skip a day (I've skipped a few weeks right now lmao, and I can't wait to jump back in!). Like Animal Crossing but with a more solid plot. Planet Zoo I'm a Zoo Tycoon kid, so I had to try this out! It's very hard to learn, you definitely have to start with campaign mode. I've always been a "sandbox" type person, but I actually loved the challenges in campaign mode that I stuck with it even after I had enough of a grasp on it to start my own zoo from scratch. It's extremely engrossing, you'll log on and waste three hours accomplishing objectives and fussing with animals that are very picky. Dorfromantik Easy to pick up and learn and SO ADDICTING. I love playing it and listening to an audiobook or podcast. Plus it's sooo beautiful. I wish it was available as a mobile game, but hopefully someday! No plot, it's a puzzle/casual type game. Mini Motorways I have Apple Arcade for Cozy Grove and somehow ended up downloading this. It is ADDICTING and makes me incredibly ANGRY!!! The game gives you limited pieces of pavement and plops buildings down wherever, and it's your job to manage traffic. I truly believe the AI is against me because I'll be doing SO GOOD and they'll put a new building SO FAR AWAY in the WORST SPOT. UGH.

[billvaouli]

Blog Post 3.5 (Self Bibliography)

1. Attentional control deficits in trait anxiety: Why you see them and why you don’t. Biological Psychology. (2013). https://www-sciencedirect-com.proxy.seattleu.edu/science/article/pii/S0301051112000695

I chose to put this link first because I feel like anxiety rest with me the most. I'm always worried about upcoming things or what could happen in the future. I've never been legit tested for anxiety, which I should probably do, but I know I have it. Also I learned more about myself because anxiety can get worse or better depending on life events, so I know to pay more close attention in my life.

2. “I Use Weed for My ADHD”: A Qualitative Analysis of Online Forum Discussions on Cannabis Use and ADHD. (2016). https://go-gale-com.proxy.seattleu.edu/ps/i.do?p=AONE&u=seat38459&id=GALE%7CA453533563&v=2.1&it=r

I'm an active weed smoker, but I use it because I use it for my ADHD. I've never been tested for ADHD because my parents never thought I had it so they never tested me. But deep down I personally feel like I do. The difference between when I smoke vs when I don't, I can tell the difference in my mood/vibe. When I smoke I'm more calm, relax and more focused. Whereas when I don't smoke I feel anxious, worried and sad all the time. Personally I think weed helps me more than it hurts me.

3. Unexceptional exceptionalism: the origins of American football in a transnational context. (2013). https://www.proquest.com/docview/1365015043?accountid=28598&parentSessionId=yCD2WvdCPBZWopUiBldfRGMtsKz3MVwWIFG9TL31J0A%3D&pq-origsite=primo

Early types of football played in Europe, especially England, can be seen as the ancestors of American football. Different variations of kicking a ball across a field or attempting to carry it to a goal we're featured in these games. I'm a big fan of football and I've been following it since I can remember. The most knowledge I possess is about football because it's a sport I also played growing up and in high school. It's been fun learning about the middle of the 19th century, American colleges started to play their own versions of football, which frequently had varied rules depending on the institution.

4. Can a Dog Really Be a Man’s Best Friend?: An Exchange between Humans. (2018). https://muse-jhu-edu.proxy.seattleu.edu/article/720205

It's been about a year now since I got a dog, and I can confidently say I love my dog. But to be honest I never understood dogs being mans best friend until I got a dog of my own. Overall, the qualities that make dogs "man's best friend" is loyalty, friendship, devotion, and the numerous ways they improve the lives of their owners. They offer their loved ones practical advantages that improve their quality of life in addition to emotional support and friendship. My dog has done tremendous things to help get me on the right path and back up on my feet.

5. Insomnia with objective short sleep duration is associated with longer duration of insomnia in the Freiburg Insomnia Cohort compared to insomnia with normal sleep duration, but not with hypertension. (2017). https://go-gale-com.proxy.seattleu.edu/ps/i.do?p=AONE&u=seat38459&id=GALE%7CA499323001&v=2.1&it=r

I have sleep insomnia and it's one of the worst things possible because I'm constantly waking up and can't stay asleep for long. Many things like stress, worry, erratic sleep patterns, poor sleep hygiene, medical disorders, pharmaceutical side effects, or lifestyle choices like excessive caffeine or alcohol intake are all common causes of insomnia. I should probably get checked out for this too. Something weird about me and never getting checked up on.

6. Working at the Car Wash. (2007). https://web-s-ebscohost-com.proxy.seattleu.edu/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=0&sid=224c93f7-7659-4d3d-803c-f0aa4542ce8d%40redis

Found an old newspaper article from that job that I work at. I've been working at Brown Bear car wash for about 2 years now, I started when I was a senior in high school. Brown Bear's been an amazing company to me. It's funny reading all the memberships and things they've added since 2007. Brown bear has come a long way because even when I first started there they started at $16 an hour for minimum wage. Now they start at $19 an hour which is just a $3 difference in like 2 years for the minimum wage. If you haven't been to a Brown Bear yet, I suggest you go.

7. Stan Lee Came Up with Spider-Man Because He Saw a Fly Land on a Wall and Decided There Needed to Be a Superhero that Could Stick to Walls. (2020). https://www.proquest.com/docview/2674422834?accountid=28598&parentSessionId=oaC%2BhfvhZc5EFK8jc7zUFoRouaPknXK0E%2FY7bZMwWH4%3D&pq-origsite=primo

If you know Bill than you know he's the biggest spider-man fan boy alive. I can remember spider-man from my earliest moments in my childhood and he's absolutely amazing, even until this day. But I found a peer-reviewed article about how Stan Lee came up with spider-man. It's funny how he came up with a whole character that turned into an icon by just seeing a fly crawl up a wall. It's also crazy how most people, including me, didn't know this until he passed away.

[elliepassmore]

Winterkeep review

4/5 stars

Recommended if you like: fantasy, magic, steampunk, conspiracies, mysteries

Fire review here

Graceling review here

Bitterblue review here So...it seems as though my initial instincts regarding this book were correct. I was not, unfortunately, a big fan of it. It's still a good book once you get about halfway through, but the beginning felt very confusing to me and I struggled to connect with Lovisa or Keeper. I think part of the problem is that the beginning is kind of skimmed over so that the Monsean group can get to Winterkeep and have things start happening. Even getting into Giddon's head was somewhat difficult even though he's a familiar character, and I felt that his POV in the beginning was just less fluid than the POVs in the previous books. To start off, this book largely centers around the goings-on in Winterkeep, a country that was only recently discovered across the sea/ocean from the Dells and Pikkia. My main question here is...how was it only just discovered? In Fire it's established that Pikkia is a growing naval power, and since Bitterblue is set 50 years after that, it seems more likely than not that Pikkia would've discovered Winterkeep well before when its said to have been discovered here. Theoretically the flip should also be true, with the countries of Torla clearly being advanced and having good shipping/navies, at least one of them probably should've stumbled upon the Dells or Pikkia...right? Aside from that, Winterkeep is a rather steampunkish country, with flying airships and a democracy run by the rich elite and telepathic animals. It's an interesting concept and one of the things I liked, once Lovisa began talking more with Nev, was learning more about how their world worked. It was interesting to learn about the foxes and silbercrows (why silber and why crows, I have no idea), and I even liked learning about the politics of Winterkeep. That being said...I'm not entirely certain this needed to be a Graceling Realm book. It probably could've been totally fine as an unrelated standalone with different characters in place of Giddon, Hava, and Bitterblue, particularly since it doesn't fit with the vibe of the rest of the books (even Seasparrow feels more like the others, even if I don't love the zilfium plotline). That being said, the plot did fit together very well. The stuff going on with Bitterblue, zilfium, and Monsea went together with the Keeper's story and the silbercrows, and all that fit with Lovisa's storyline. I wasn't sure how certain parts fit into it, but everything goes together quite nicely, and the real question is more about how involved each perpetrator is in what's happened, which we don't get a full answer for. For the characters, we have Giddon, Bitterblue, Lovisa, Adventure Fox, and the Keeper as the narrators. Bitterblue felt pretty much as she did in Bitterblue, perhaps just a little older and more stable. It's been five years since the events of the last book and it seems as though she's been able to stabilize Monsea and is working toward some of those goals she wanted. I did notice she was wearing Lienid rings, which is a new development, and that she seems much more interested in romantic/sexual partners than in the last book, which was somewhat surprising. The Bitterblue of the last book 1) didn't feel the type, and 2) didn't really seem like she'd have the time. One thing I did wonder about was why Bitterblue didn't pull an Ashen and resort to bedsheets. It wasn't even referenced. As for Giddon, being in his head actually felt about as I would expect. He's much more sensitive emotionally now (and not just to other people) and does seem to cry a decent amount, as Hava says in Seasparrow, but having seen him in the past two books I actually think his development makes sense. Giddon has grown into someone who almost solely does Council work and he's taken up Bitterblue's offer to reside in Monsea whenever possible. He's gotten quite clever with his sneaking around and getting answers out of people. However...while I liked that both of them talked to each other in their head when they were separated as a way of grounding themselves, the romance between them was...lacking? There was definitely a friend/confidante situation set up in Bitterblue that had indications of a romantic turn, so it's not that it came out of the blue in this book, but compared to the main romances in Graceling and Fire Giddon and Bitterblue in this book felt so...childish. Like, what happened to the bonding and less humorous romance scenes? Whatever, it works better in the next book. Lovisa is really the biggest POV character, but I struggled to get into her chapters. She's younger than any of the previous MCs and she has times where she acts her age and times when she acts older. As with the plot, Lovisa gets much more interesting around the 50% mark. Prior to that she spends a lot of time trying to get into her attic and coming up with excuses so she can sneak into the attic and ruminating on her mother or schoolmates. Other than Nev, I really couldn't care less about any of them. That being said, Lovisa is in a tough spot and has a hard life. Her mother is abusive and Lovisa faces a struggle between staying on her good side and protecting her brothers. Lovisa does seem to be trying to do the right thing, but she can be oh-so-petulant at times and just straight up childish (and mean, and not in the fun way Hava is mean). She's hard to read because she's very convinced that she's right and the way her world works is right, and she lashes out if challenged. She does get a handle on things though and begins growing as a character, though she still has some space left to do so. Adventure Fox's POV could be difficult to distinguish from Lovisa's at times, however, he was a much more pleasant character than her. It was actually kind of funny to switch between their POVs, Lovisa is all "that fox is awful and sneaky and always tattling," and Adventure is all "how the fuck do I protect everyone from Ferla." Adventure has some difficult decisions to make in this book and struggles with the restrictions of fox culture. I feel like he gets the least page time next to the Keeper, who gets even less, so it's hard to know him well, but I did like him from what I saw. The Keeper was an interesting one. I couldn't really have cared less about her in the first chapter, but I did enjoy her in later ones. It was interesting to see her growth and how she decided to expand her heart beyond the little baubles she collected from shipwrecks. I liked the growing friendship between her and the silbercrows and am glad it worked out. Nev was probably one of the highlights of this book and I wish she had been the narrator (just one, please). She comes across as rather unshakable and has a fierce dedication to animals and the environment and is very aware of the class differences of the world without being petulant about it like Saf was. Nev actually holds a large piece of the puzzle and has a good, solid head about it. I liked getting to meet her family in the north and how much she loved where she came from. I also liked that she was more than willing to help both Lovisa and the Monseans. Actually, her whole family was pretty cool and if there are going to be more books can one of them please feature Nev as the MC? (view spoiler) Quona was an interesting character as well, and in that imaginary future book where Nev is the MC, I'd definitely be interested in seeing more of Quona as well. She's kind of hard to get a handle on, and even at the end when a lot of stuff is out in the open, I question whether all her secrets are revealed or not. Quona is obsessed with cats and the environment, and so naturally she gets involved with what's going on here. While this book is still good, if long and of a completely different vibe than the other 4 Graceling Realm books, I'm glad I put it off so long and read Seasparrow first, because I don't think I would've read that one if I'd read this book when it originally came out. I liked the fantasy vibes from the other books and the balanced maturity that allowed for both seriousness and humor. This book was more on the steampunk side of things and was much, much more lighthearted. And also as another reviewer pointed out, the language in this book was much less policed than in the other ones and you get jarring real-world terms like 'boyfriend' and 'slut'...Katsa had a whole thing in her book about being with Po without marriage, boyfriend is the exact term she could've used but didn't, giving a pretty clear indicator it wasn't a thing in this world until now. I am curious if there will be more Graceling Realm books and if so, who they'll follow. I'm desperate for more Katsa and Po content, though I believe they're both in their late 20s/early 30s at this point and so aren't really YA characters. Though I would absolutely still read a book about adult them and think it could work quite well since the fans from when the original trilogy first came out are all adults now. I also wouldn't mind going back in time and seeing some of their adventures pre-Bitterblue or pre-Winterkeep. I'd love to see more of Skye as well, I think he has some potential as a character, and it might be nice to return to Lienid. Raffin and Bann would be good too, so basically any of the OG characters, lol...or maybe Hanna and/or Murgda's baby, I think the two of them also have a lot of potential and they were kind of already introduced. The point is, I want the original cast of Graceling to be centered more in a future book, and if not them, then at least one of the kid characters from Fire.

[nucksgal03]

🍪 - Anything with Crosby, Seguin or Oleksiak

Here you go, I decided on Tyler Seguin. I hope you like it @starshine-hockey-girl This is a part of the Mollie’s Just for Fun Week event I am currently having. feel free to take part if you would like to!

Now onto the request.

~~~~~~

I should’ve known that dating a hockey player would force me out of my comfort zone.

The media attention and constant separation I can manage but when it came to going to any of the events that Tyler would inevitably drag me along to, I had one problem with them.

Well two I suppose, you would think that because they have hockey players there, they would learn to provide sensible portion sizes for dinner. I mean seriously, those meals could barely fill up a five-year-old the portions are so tiny. But that’s beside the point.

These events were understandably very crowded, to the point where I would always get separated from him. All the WAGs joked that at this point we all needed to invest in those animal backpacks with the leashes. Maybe then we would be able to find them.

If it isn’t clear by now, I HATE CROWDS! Yes, I am aware it’s ironic given my habit of braving the crowds in the stands because I prefer to sit in the stands with some of the kids instead of being stuck in the family box.

I like the vibe of being surrounded by fans, sue me.

I decided to finally voice my uncomfortableness to Tyler before we had to head to a casino night the team was holding for charity. “Umm Tyler, babe?” I spoke aloud meekly pulling on my stockings.

Tyler turned to face me with his tie messily around his neck. “Yeah, babe what’s wrong, you only use that tone when you are nervous to tell me something. Did something happen at work today, did the vet call saying that something is up with the dogs?!?”

I giggled at his worry about his Labradors that were curled up on the bed. “Nope, the vet didn’t call, and work was, well, it was work. I just get nervous before these types of things.”

“Why do you need to be nervous, the guys said that all their significant others are coming. It’s not like you won’t have anyone you know at the event. You’ll be fine.” He said turning towards the mirror to fix his tie.

I sighed defeated and finished pulling my stockings up my legs. “Yeah, I’m sure I’ll be fine. It’s not like I hate crowds or anything.” I said muttering the last bit to myself.

When we arrived at the event, I took a deep breath before exiting the car and following Tyler into the casino that they rented specially for this event.

As soon as we entered the event, my heart rate increased, and I looked around to find someplace where I could calm down. And of course, as soon as the media and fans saw Tyler, they swarmed around him making me panic.

Tyler looked back towards me, and I saw him register the panic that was in my eyes. He had a oh shoot moment as he realized why I was so nervous for this event. He grabbed my hand and pulled it to his lips lightly kissing the back of it calming me down slightly. I thought that he was going to drop my hand after that, but he kept hold of it answering questions as he rubbed small circles on the back of my hand keeping me grounded.

I breathed out a laugh at how easily Tyler managed to pick up on my nerves in the moment versus how he, unintentionally, dismissed the same nerves when we were at home.

After the crowd dispersed a slight bit Tyler pulled me along towards where some of his teammates were standing with their plus ones. As soon as we reached the group I felt as at ease as I could be at a crowded event.

As we settled into the group I heard Tyler whisper, “Is that why you were so nervous at home?”

I subtlety nodded my head, “Yeah, I get nervous in crowds.”

“But you’re so good when you’re in the concourse at a game?”

“Not as many eyes on me.” I said shrugging.

“Sorry I didn’t pick up on that earlier.” He said kissing my temple.

“It’s all good babe, now let’s just enjoy the night and plan which fast food restaurant we are going to after because we both know how little they feed you at these things.”

“McDonalds?” Tyler asked.

“No, In-n-Out.”  I countered. Beginning a heated debate that we always had at these events.

“Both of you are wrong, we are going to get Pizza Hut after. Quick and easy, also not the type of food we get when we are on the road.” Jamie said like it was already set in stone.

The others laughed as we started all debating where the best place was for us to get food.

[watchinglikeafangirl]

Many people here are hoping for KinnPorsche season 2 and it's like half-official it's gonna happen but I have some issues with an originally unplanned season 2.

There is a huge difference between shows that hope for a second season in order to explain the events of the first and the sort of shows that are only meant to contain of one season.

Now, I don't know what kind of show KinnPorsche is, we haven't seen that ending yet, but it gives me the vibe everything will be resolved in the finale or even in the pre-finale episode. The story will come to an end, so a second season is thrilling as a fan but there's so much pressure on the production team, the writing can easily lack the charm it has now.

So far, popular BLs have faced a downfall after a reboot. Examples are "I promised you the moon", "We best love: fighting Mr. 2nd", "TharnType: 7 years of love" and "Still 2gether". Now, think what you want and be a fan of all of them, but I personally think they all have a disappointing second season.

The most common problem is unnecessary drama where the couple has a fight out of jealousy and breaks up (?) without anyone knowing why exactly except for the sake of drama. Jealousy can be strong in certain relationships but you can't tell me Type would still get jealous if Tharn talks to girls after being together for seven years with the knowledge Tharn is an openly gay person (TharnType). Tine was jealous which was also the most ridicolous thing ever because Sarawat was obvioulsy whipped (2gether).

The second problem is the vanished personal growth. The characters act out or certain habits that have been long gone since the pilot episode reappear to cause drama again. Teh learned that change was okay, that it is okay to be different from Oh. He makes his peace with it. But then he pushes Oh away again and acts as the same old asshole he was way back when. He acts like a teenager and not like an adult which is just crappy writing due to the fact how carefully and thoughtful his character's arc was portrayed in season 1 (IPYTM). Shi De left Shu Yi alone for five years even though he learned pulling back and staying in the shadows won't help Shu Yi and expressing his feelings actually means something (We best love).

I know KinnPorsche is not like the shows I named but it's as popular (and even more) as these ones were and it's what usually happens to popular shows, so I don't want a second season for the sake of the show itself.

I hope you see what I mean. It's not that I don't want a second season because this show is great but I do fear that the characters will suffer. It would still look good but storywise it can easily be destroyed and if the story is over, then just let it be over.

[oknowkiss]

fic post: a licence to kill

TITLE: A LICENCE TO KILL PAIRING: DRARRY (past NottPott, past Dramione) RATING: M (ch 2 will bump this up to E)  WORDCOUNT: 11K (pt 1 of 2)  SUMMARY:  Draco Malfoy has a licence to kill. Unfortunately, it expired last Tuesday.  OR: How Draco Malfoy learned to stop worrying and love form AK-86-G.

FOR FANS OF: draco as a james bond type (except instead of catching criminals draco mostly just catches feelings), hermione as Q, platonic dramione auror partners, bisexual hitwizard draco malfoy, gay harry potter living mostly in the muggle world, draco’s meandering inner monologue, the odyssean saga of completing one [1] form, workplace gothic vibes, two idiots in their 30s eventually accepting they’re in stupid love

Read Part 1 on AO3 here!

(second & final part will be posting within the next week)

Excerpt under the cut:

“I have to go,” Draco says, standing abruptly.

“Oh?” Granger asks, voice light and innocent. “Has something just come up?”

She looks pointedly at his lap. Draco rolls his eyes. She used to do the same thing when they were shagging; then he’d found her brazenness alluring, teasing the head of his cock through his trouser pocket to ensure she had something worth looking at until he could take her home and shove it in her mouth.

Now, though, he’s determinedly flaccid. Ever since Theo called off his engagement to Potter--truly the only sensible thing he’d done in years--she’s had this harebrained idea that he, Draco, was somehow emotionally invested in the outcome. She's taken to plonking it into the middle of unrelated conversations, as though she can jar him into admitting he's madly in love with her best friend. Which he isn't.

What Draco does think is that it's both a good thing she isn't the interrogation half of their partnership and that the entire notion is, generally speaking, ridiculous. The closest he’s ever come to being invested in their relationship was the time Theo had told him Potter couldn’t stomach dairy, that sometimes when he was angry Potter would storm into the Floo and come back eating pizza, just to make sure they couldn’t even have makeup sex. It was so delightfully petty that Draco felt almost light-headed with the hearing of it. They’d spent hours, him and Theo, throwing back oysters and gin martinis, plotting how to one up Potter in the event of their next row.

During that same conversation, Theo told Draco that Potter had told him he’d almost been sorted in Slytherin. A number of things made more sense after that, including but not limited to the begrudging respect that had sat growing in Draco's stomach, eating away at him like an ulcer ever since the Second War. Despite that, Potter sorted into Slytherin, into his house, is something Draco tries not to dwell on, a thought that only rises unbidden.

It was bad enough when he’d go round for a pre-dinner drink at Theo’s, a high-bred custom they’d both inherited from their parents. Potter and Theo lived together through most of their relationship–-moved house unadvisedly quickly, if you asked Draco, which for some reason no one ever did–-but even knowing he lived there, Draco was still surprised every time he stepped through the Floo and saw Potter at the other end.

He was always home and was always in a state of indecency, lounging shirtless in joggers and thick socks on Theo’s nice couch, munching away on popcorn or crisps or once thin slices of prosciutto, which he peeled one by one off a plate resting in the dip between his hipbones. That day Potter had thrown back his head, exposing the curve of his neck, and dangled the prosciutto--cut so fine it was almost translucent--into his waiting mouth as though no one else was there. As though Draco wasn't standing there, drink in hand, watching.

Sometimes Potter would join them for their drink, his cheeks flushed by the end of it, and Draco never could tell if Potter was a lightweight or if he was just that happy for a night in alone, practically pushing Theo through the Floo with a hand to his back and a kiss to his temple.

Draco doesn’t care to imagine Potter in a similar state in the Slytherin common room–-his common room-–the green of the lake bleeding into the green of his eyes. Potter in a green tie–-his green tie-–the knot of it sitting loose at the beating pulse of his neck. Potter sleeping in the same room as him, Potter throwing his head back late at night, Potter pushing him through the common room door on their way to the Quidditch pitch, a hand at his back and a ki–

“I have to fill out some paperwork,” Draco says, gulping down his milky tea. It burns all the way down his throat.

Granger opens her mouth, but Draco continues,

“You know, for the licence you let expire.”

She flushes, he knows from anger as much as embarrassment. Licence management is really not her job, but he needs to blame someone who isn't himself.

Draco shoves the rest of the scone in his mouth, as though his mouth being full will prevent her from speaking, and slams the door behind him. He stalks towards the lifts, swallowing thickly around chunks of dry pastry, wishing he’d just brought his tea with him, and tries not to choke on the indignity of it all.

Read the rest on AO3!

[sleepyowlwrites]

Happy STS, Sleepy!! It might take me a little to answer your STS ask since I have to gather my favorite tidbits about my series, but in the meantime, I'd like to request an infodump in return 👀 Which WIP is your favorite and why? Anything you want to ramble/vent/gush about? How is writing going? Also, are you doing Nanowrimo this year?

take as long as you need. I still have asks from a month ago because I don't know how to answer them yet.

my favorite is Youth Story because it has no plot, only vibes, and I get to do all the character work I want, so much dialogue, I have ten povs and they all have their unique voices which is fun, it's slightly surreal slice-of-life with powers that are just there, and we are exploring SO MANY EMOTIONS! yay!

I haven't been thinking about it so there are no new details to gush about on that end. I was thinking about Summon Story in the car today while we picked my mom up from the airport, so I guess I can talk about that.

I'm a big fan of the idea that a pov character isn't actually the main character of the story, or at least not at first. in summon story, Zan is the pov, and it's really not his story? like, stories happen from the point of view of some random guy all the time, but in this case, the plot really has much more to do with other people, and only gradually does the pov protagonist earn being the main character.

which is very final fantasy, which is the point. in FFX and FFXII, for instance, this happens. Vaan and Tidus are the playable character, the main one, the pov character, but it's not their story. for Tidus, he's watching Yuna's story play out and acting his part in it, and for Vaan, it's Ashe's story and he's slowly becoming involved and invested in it.

in summon story, Zan is just a random summoner who gradually builds up his questing party but he really doesn't have anything to do with the larger plot until it just comes crashing down on him. as he takes on cases and gets to know his friends, more strange things begin to happen, the plot is building up and Zan becomes less random and more integral. in the beginning, he's really just the guy whose eyes we're seeing through, not the main character. he earns that right once he chooses to interact with the plot rather than sidequesting.

the other characters are also not main characters, but they come pre-invested in the plot, which we only figure out as Zan gets to know them. Erin's familial contract with the spirit Tivoc is under attack because that spirit is trying to avoid being pulled into another contract with a sacrifice it can't ignore, because abir (that type of spirit) are noble and never break a contract. Shae has been looking for her half-sister who she had previously believed to be dead, but heard rumors that lead her to think she might be alive, and she suspects that their father might've had something to do with it all. the father is in business with the guy that is investing in possessed dragons, which is a TERRIBLE IDEA btw, and Shae is trying to look into it while also learning how to be a summoner. Wryn became semi-possessed after a botched summoning by a guy who worked for the dragon-possesser guy.

Zan is just Zan. but after he gradually learns about the backstories of his friends, he becomes invested in their lives, and consequently, the nonsense that dragon-guy is trying to pull, which involves like, war and stuff, oh dear.

so the story goes from a super close-up to a large pan-zoom, where you can see everything that's going on, and then it goes back to focusing on Zan, with the knowledge of what all else is happening but also that our plucky lad really IS the main character, because he's involved in all of the stuff now.

and this sounds really cool so I hope I can pull it off as I'm writing it.

thanks for asking, Caramel!

oh, nano, right. I...think probably no, not the main event. I'm gonna do a more modest goal, maybe my usual 20k, maybe even less, because I don't know how it's gonna go. altho, since in events past it's been my goal to write every day, rather than hit my word counts and that's not my goal this time around...I could do a higher goal and try to do heavier days instead. not sure. but I will be doing a specific word count goal during November, just probably not the 50k real deal.

I'd love to, I'd really like to even if I think I couldn't make it, just because I don't mind shooting for the moon, but I remember last year and how busy and generally tired I was. and this year I'm fulltime. so.

[holidaywishes]

It’s Just Sex

  Requested: 👍

  Summary/Request: So I was hoping for maybe a bi reader and her and Fred have kind of like a sugar daddy/dom kind of relationship but not very intense more of a soft caring dom with real feelings there as well. anyway, before the reader met Fred she was in a kind of friends with benefits relationship with a woman and that relationship was also very dom/sub centred and maybe her old lover comes to Toronto for maybe a business trip or something (I’m imagining powerful businesswoman vibes here) and asks the reader to meet her for drinks and when she tells Fred and explains their relationship to him somehow Fred ends up joining them for drinks and maybe her ex lover suggests something and it goes from there 👀

  Warning: smut as requested, drug use, maybe some fluff, maybe some angst or jealousy?

  Author’s Note: Gonna be honest, my experience is limited in, like, all aspects so I don’t know how this will turn out or if it will really be what you’re looking for, anon, but I’m taking my best shot. I hope you still enjoy it! I also want to apologize if I took any missteps in the way I talked about bisexuality — my intention is never to offend and this was my first time writing a bi reader so please feel free to let me know if/where I went wrong. Stay Golden loves <3!

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  You grew up in Antigonish, a small town in Nova Scotia, so you were used to more of a slow paced life. You got good grades, never broke the law and the only form of rebelling you did came in the form of stealing a five cent candy from the convenience store on the corner of Main Street. So when you moved to Boston for University, you expected to be overwhelmed but you didn’t expect to meet anyone -- but then she showed up

  “Hi there” a voice said confidently behind you, leading you to turn around slowly to see who she was talking to

  “Me?” you asked, surprised when she nodded with a smile, “oh, hi”

  “I saw you order a Manhattan and I thought to myself, ‘now that’s my type of girl’” she joked

  “Honestly, I hate it,” you admitted, playing with the base of the glass, “I thought I was ordering a Cosmopolitan but Manhattan sounded more familiar so I ordered that but now...”

  “You’re cute,” the woman said, taking the empty seat next to you, “I love Manhattan’s so I’ll happily take yours but let me get you your Cosmo”

  “You don’t have to...” you blushed

  “I know” she replied confidently, earning a shy smile from you

  “I’m (Y/N) by the way”

  “Adrianne,” she smiled, “but all my friends call me Roxy”

  “Why Roxy?” you chuckled and she gave some wrap around answer about it being an inside joke from middle school. You were mesmerized with her the entire night. The way she spoke. The way she took small sips from her drink and licked her lips. The way her dark hair would brush across her exposed skin of her back as her smile hypnotized you. The way her hand grazed your knee when she made a joke or the sound of her laugh when you didn’t know she was flirting with you. She gave you her number at the end of the night and you spent the next week trying to think of exactly what to say, “she’s way too good for me” you sighed, pushing your phone across the counter

  “Why?” Your best friend, Nicole, asked. You two went to high school together so she had a habit of hyping you up when she thought you needed it most

  “If you had seen her, you would agree with me, Nic. She just has this way about her,” you gushed, “she’s just cool and charming and way too good for me”

  “You are amazing. Who cares if this girl is ‘cool,’ we’re not in high school anymore so you just need someone who is going to see how amazing you are”

  “Nic, I don’t even know if she wants to start something...”

  “You said she gave you her number right?”

  “Yeah...”

  “So she obviously wants something”

  “Yeah but is all she wants sex? Because I don’t know if I’m the hook up type”

  “Text her. Call her. Find out what she’s looking for” she smirked, filling up a glass of water from the faucet to drown out any argument you tried to make. You scoffed at her ability to brush you off before you grabbed your phone and sent Adrianne a text

  “Wanna go to dinner?” you asked simply

  “I could eat” she replied. Later that night, you found yourself standing outside the restaurant, taking a deep breath before stepping inside, knowing she was waiting for you. It was an effortless night; you laughed, you told her some of your weirdest childhood stories, she told you about her family and what she was doing in Boston. The night was rounded out by following her back to her apartment and letting your bodies take over. You thought that the date went well but you didn’t see her for a few months when she randomly texted you, an occurrence that would happen every two weeks or so from that point on, and it became very clear to you that she was looking for a ‘friend with benefits.’ You weren’t a huge fan of it but you couldn’t get Adrianne out of your head so you went along with it but she didn’t seem to take it well when you said you had gotten a job in Toronto

  “We’ve been doing this for years, Roxy,” you whined, finally able to call her by her nickname, “I’ve graduated, we’ve graduated. I have a chance to start my life with a really successful company and I don’t know why you wouldn’t want me to take it. It’s not like you need me to stick around for anything. You're the one who didn’t want to have any commitments so this shouldn’t cause any problems for you”

  “I just don’t get why you wanna go back to Canada” she said with a tinge of disgust on her words and you felt a rush of rage roll through you

  “Because it’s home” you said plainly, scoffing before turning on your heels

  “(Y/N)” she sighed

  “Adrianne,” you replied softly, “I really hope we can see each other again someday. You will always be such an important part of my life but I need to take this step”

  “I understand,” she smiled, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean anything about--”

  “I know,” you interrupted with a smile, “I’ll see you.. when I see you.” As soon as you landed in Toronto, a giant grin spread across your face because it finally felt like home. You walked into e=mc2 on your first day anxious to get started and they did not waste any time putting you to work

  “Alright, (Y/N), so we’ve got a wedding on Friday, a conference on Wednesday, a sweet sixteen next month that we have to settle all the details for next week, a gala in about 3 months -- give or take -- that is going to take a lot of work and a lot of time,” your boss explained, rambling slightly as the two of you rushed around the office, “and then there’s all the smaller events that we do. You’ll be very busy. Are you okay with all of this?”

  “Of course!” you exclaimed, struggling to keep up with her footsteps

  “We know it can be a bit jarring at first, because it all happens so quickly, which is why we put a clause in your contract that states you have a 30 day trial period. Like a subscription to Netflix,” she laughed, “to see if you can handle it or if you want to drop it”

  “Smart,” you smirked, taking a breath when your boss finally stopped in the break room and got himself a glass of water, “but I don’t think I’ll need it. I love the fast paced environment”

  “Good,” she smiled in return, “I think you’ll fit in really well here.”

xx

Freddie’s P.O.V

  You had noticed her once before. She was running through the building, clearly stressed about something, when you were walking back to your apartment with Auston. You saw her again a few weeks later, having lunch in the café across the street; you found yourself waiting for the next time you’d see her would be.

  “Shit shit shit” you heard someone whisper from down the hall, finding her rushing down the corridor with an arm full of papers. You tried to move out of her way, not wanting to cause her undue stress when her shoulder connected with your arm sharply

  “Oomph” the two of you said in tandem as her papers went flying

  “Ow,” she groaned as she rubbed her shoulder, her eyes still not looking up at yours while she tried to collect everything that you’d made her drop, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going. I’m just in a bit of a rush...”

  “That’s alright” you said softly and she finally looked up at you

  “I... I really am sorry. I’ve been told I need to be more careful” she smiled

  “Really, it’s fine. No harm done,” you replied, “do you have time for a drink?”

  “Uhm,” she hesitated, fixing the bag on her shoulder, “I can’t... I have a lot of work to do. I’m sorry”

  “How about tomorrow?” you called when she hastened down the hall and she looked back at you, not saying anything, “I’m Freddie by the way!” she stopped where she stood before turning around and letting a smile grow on her face

  “(Y/N)!” she returned. The two of you eventually met up for lunch and, after that, couldn’t stop talking to each other; you couldn’t stop thinking about her. “I want to be very clear...” she started one day, after months of day dates, midnight snacks and weekly hookups. You furrowed your brow at her words, “I don’t want to just mess around. I did that once, with my ex, and it wasn’t right for me. If you don’t want a relationship, that’s fine, but tell me now because I don’t wanna waste my time.” Her bluntness was a breath of fresh air and you couldn’t help but be more attracted to with every word she spoke

  “I wouldn’t want to waste your time...” you smirked, wanting to keep her on her toes just a little longer. “I don’t want to mess around either. I’ve done that before and I don’t want to do it anymore either. I want to be with you” she jumped into your arms and crashed her lips onto yours. From then on, the two of you were almost inseparable, learning new things at every turn, “I’ve never heard of Antigonish” you said when she told you about her hometown

  “It’s small but it’s cute. It’s a good place to raise a family...”

  “What about that?” you asked, “a family? You want one?”

  “Are you asking if I want kids?” she teased

  “Maybe”

  “Do you want kids?”

  “Yeah,” you laughed, “I want a big family. Lots of kids”

  “How many is lots?” she asked seriously

  “As many as you’ll give me”

  “Aww aren’t you cute”

  “I know” you joked and she pushed your shoulder playfully. After nearly two years, she had never really opened up her exes, no matter how many times you asked, and it was starting to really get on your nerves

  “Why are you getting so mad?” she yelled

  “Why won’t you be honest with me?”

  “I really don’t have any ‘exes’ so there’s nothing to talk about”

  “You said that your ex just wanted to mess around, so obviously you had at least one ex” you argued

  “I.. I called her my ex because it was easier to explain than we were ‘friends with benefits’ because it was more than that to me but it wasn’t to her but I hate the term ‘complicated’ even if it’s what it was,” she countered, still trying to argue her point but you were caught up on the fact that her ex was a girl that you couldn’t focus. “Freddie?”

  “Sorry,” you shook your head, “you said her. Your ex is a girl?”

  “Yeah...” was all she said, earning a scoff from you

  “That’s it?”

  “What’s the problem?”

  “Was it like an experiment?”

  “An exper-- no it wasn’t an experiment,” she scoffed, “I’m bisexual”

  “And you never thought to tell me?!”

  “It’s not a big deal so I.. didn’t think to mention it”

  “It is a big deal!” you shouted

  “Why? Why is it a big deal?”

  “You dated a woman!”

  “And I’ve dated men... plus, I told you, I didn’t date her. We just hooked up”

  “Look, I don’t care the bisexual thing. I just don’t get why you didn’t tell me about it?” you asked, sitting down on the couch

  “I don’t know... I guess I wasn’t sure how you’d react. Not everyone accepts it, my grandparents sure as hell didn’t” she sighed

  “I love you,” you said, “I’m not your grandparents. You love who you love and that shouldn’t be helped. I’m just happy that I’m the one you love this time”

  “I do love you,” she smiled, wrapping her arms around your neck, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner but thank you for not... overreacting.”

  “Let’s just make this the last secret for a while okay?” you chuckled

  “I can make that work.”

xx

  “I’m in town” a number you didn’t recognize texted you and you racked your brain about who it could be

  “Sorry... who is this?”

  “Ha ha very funny”

  “Nicole?” you sent, thinking that your best friend changed her number

  “No?”

  “Charlie?”

  “Seriously (Y/N)?”

  “I’m sorry. I really don’t know who this is. I don’t recognize this number...”

  “It’s Roxy” your cursor blinked in the empty space of your text box while you tried to think of something to say. It had been almost five years since you last saw her but seeing her name on the screen still made your heart race. Without even trying, she’d begun messing with your head all over again

  “Oh. Hi”

  “Oh. Hi?” she repeated your message before quickly sending another, “really that’s all I get?”

  “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you...”

  “We said we’d keep in touch. That didn’t happen, clearly”

  “You’re a busy woman. Last I heard, you were well on your way to being a CEO at some Fortune 500 company”

  “Ah yes. That planned changed”

  “It did?” you replied quickly, intrigued about what she could be in town for

  “It did. It was fun while it lasted but I’m still busy, I like it that way”

  “What are you up to then?”

  “Well... I think we should meet up and talk about it. I would love to see you” You could picture her lips speaking those words. The way her tongue lingered on the back of her teeth as if she didn’t want the ‘L’ to escape her mouth before her breath could reach it. The way her grin would shape the sound of ‘you’ to make it sound more like an invitation than a word. You saw it all in your head and your fingers responded before you could stop them

  “Sure! What about Friday?”

  “Sounds good. I heard of a bar called The Cloak Bar that has a great vibe. I’m excited to try it”

  “Yeah I’ve heard of it. Do you mind if I bring someone along?” you asked, biting the inside of your cheek nervously

  “Not at all”

  “Great! See you Friday!”

  “(Y/N)?” Freddie said when he saw you staring you at your phone screen in silence, “babe?”

  “Huh?” you said, still frazzled by the conversation you’d just had

  “Everything okay? You look a little distracted...”

  “Wanna go to a bar on Friday?” you blurted out

  “Sure..” he scoffed

  “Good. Great. Good,” you stammered, “that’s good. You’ll get to meet an old friend of mine.. from Boston...”

  “An old friend?” he asked before you finally met his gaze, “an old friend.. your ex...”

  “She’s in town and wants to... catch up”

  “I’m sure she does” he teased, sitting down beside you

  “Don’t be like that. She texted me... I could’ve not invited you, she knows you’re coming”

  “She knows your boyfriend is coming?”

  “She knows you’re coming...”

  “(Y/N)...” he scoffed with a smile, dropping his head, “you didn’t say ‘my boyfriend is coming’ did you?” your silence said everything it needed to and Freddie fell back into the couch

  “I’m sorry!” you tried, embarrassed about what happened, “everything happened so fast! I didn’t know what to say. I don’t know why I didn’t say something about you, why I didn’t mention your name, I’m so sorry! But I do want you there!”

  “Relax,” he smirked, wrapping his arm around your waist and kissing your cheek, “It’s fine. I get it and you know what? I’m excited to meet this ‘Roxy’“

  “Good. You’ll like her!” you exclaimed, “but don’t call her Roxy... it’s an inside thing. I just wouldn’t want her to like hate you before getting to know you”

  “Okay,” he chuckled, “I promise, I’ll behave.” When Friday came along, you had changed your outfit countless times and you couldn’t calm your breathing; Freddie was finally able to calm you down enough that you could pick an outfit but your nerves were still getting the best of you. You showed up early and found a booth near the back and waited for Adrianne to walk through the door, watching your boyfriend’s reaction whenever you took your eyes off the entrance. “Babe... stop. You’re gonna be fine,” you laughed as he pressed a kiss to your lips, “I’m here for you.”

  “I’m just so nervous... I know I shouldn’t be but I am” you said before taking a deep breath and training your eyes back on the door

  “Is that her?” Freddie asked, nodding to the crowd of people who just walked in and you searched to see if she was among them. When you finally saw her, your first thought was she hasn’t changed a bit

  “Yeah... that’s her” you sighed, watching as her smile went wide when she found you. She was wearing, what looked like, a pin striped suit -- tapered legs with the highest stilettos you’d ever seen topped with a one button blazer, low enough that both you and Freddie could tell she was only wearing a bra underneath

  “Holy shit” you heard him gasp and you hit his chest before Adrianne got to the table

  “(Y/N),” she said in a sultry voice, the same one she’d used that night you first met, “it’s so good to see you again. You look great”

  “Me?” you blushed, “look at you! You look.. wow, just... wow”

  “Thank you” she smiled, her eyes moving to Freddie slowly

  “Sorry, this is my boyfriend. This is Freddie, Freddie this is Adrianne”

  “Nice to meet you” Freddie greeted politely, outstretching his hand to shake hers but Adrianne only smirked in return before taking a seat beside you, tucking herself quite close to you

  “It’s nice to meet you as well, Freddie...”

  “So.. tell me. What’s new? What brings you to the City?” you asked, moving closer to Freddie and his arm draped over your shoulder

  “I’m working on something. A merger, more or less, with the company I’m working for in Boston and one based out of Toronto. It appears the Canadians are not too keen to share with us Bostonian's” she laughed and you felt her hand land on your knee

  “Let’s get some drinks!” you said, clearing your throat, “they have great cocktails here!”

  “Don’t mind if I do” she said in the same sultry tone as before, peering over at Freddie, her hand still stationed on your knee and you could tell she was planning something; what that something was, remained to be seen.

xx

Adrianne’s P.O.V

  You weren’t expecting her to be in a relationship. Not that she wasn’t the type, just that she didn’t give you the impress she was dating but you could see why she was with him. He was big and he looked strong, she probably loved his hands on her body, his fingers inside her; god you missed having your fingers inside her. The way that she sunk into him told you that she felt safe with him and the way that he looked at her told you that he loved her and would likely do anything for her. You bit your lip as you watched the two of them interact, asking questions when you felt like it, keeping that ere of mystery about yourself that you’d always liked to. After two rounds of specialty cocktails and an extra old fashioned you ordered for (Y/N), the group was starting to loosen up a little

  “Babe, I need to get out,” she whispered to Freddie, leaning against his chest as she spoke, “can you move a little?”

  “Where’re you going?” he smirked

  “I have to pee” she giggled

  “Why don’t you just crawl over him?” you teased, half-expecting her to challenge you but wanting to see what she’d choose, when she squinted her eyes in mild annoyance before straddling her boyfriend, pecking his lips gently and shifting her body to the open space beside him.

  “You really bring out a different side of her, don’t you?” he smirked

  “I guess I just know a different version of her” you replied

  “So.. what kind of person handles mergers? What’s your job title?” he pried

  “Technically, I’m an Investment Advisor. That’s what it says on my business card but if you ask my bosses they’ll tell you I’m the badass who manages their portfolios so they don’t get fired or arrested for fraud” you replied proudly

  “Shit,” he scoffed, “sounds important”

  “What do you do?”

  “Nothing nearly as important,” he laughed, “I’m a goaltender. In the NHL”

  “For Toronto?” you asked, genuinely intrigued and he nodded, “well damn. That’s pretty cool. I’m starting to get a better idea why (Y/N) likes you”

  “I mean.. she’s not with me because of my job” he clarified but you could tell you had shaken him

  “Are you sure?” you teased, the situation moving more and more in your favour

  “I--”

  “I’m back!” she interrupted, a grin wide across her face as she slipped back into the booth, reaching across Freddie to grab her drink

  “So..” you continued, ending the conversation between you and Freddie, “what are the plans for the rest of the night, you two?”

  “Fred’s got practice tomorrow afternoon so we probably shouldn’t be out too late” she admitted, draping her arm over his shoulder before kissing his cheek

  “We could go somewhere,” you added, noticing Freddie’s head snap back to you as a glare pierced through you, “just us girls. Catch up some more, dance a little? Like old times?”

  “Rox..” she laughed, climbing onto her boyfriends lap, “I’m not really up for dancing tonight. I kinda miss our bed. All this alcohol is hitting me at once and I just wanna lay down”

  “Hold on,” you mocked, “are we not young? Are we not healthy? Are we not vivacious?”

  “Vivacious?” she chuckled

  “Are we not sexy?” you added

  “I don’t wanna dance tonight, Roxy” she countered

  “I have something for you,” you smiled, glancing at Freddie, “for us”

  “What’s that?” he asked

  “Ecstasy” you said plainly, laughing as (Y/N) choked on her drink

  “Hey!” she squirmed, “that’s illegal!”

  “Relax,” you teased, “we’re not gonna get caught. I only have two tablets, so you each can have half”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea...” (Y/N) hesitated and you shrugged, swallowing the small pill quickly

  “What?” you asked, “I’m not gonna waste a perfectly good pill, a perfectly good night, just because you’re not going to or because your boyfriend here as to stand around on ice tomorrow afternoon”

  “Roxy, don’t be rude!” she yelled before Freddie threw the pill in his palm down his throat, taking a swig of (Y/N)’s old fashioned to chase it down, “FREDDIE?!”

  “Babe, come on. It’ll be fine. Nothing bad will happen, I promise” he assured her

  “We’re here for you” you added

  “It’ll be fun” he said, nuzzling her neck with his nose and kissing her collarbone. She looked at the pill in her hand then back at you and Freddie, “why don’t we try something?”

  “I don’t know what else you guys want me to try?” she whined, earning a small laugh from the two of you, “what?”

  “No babe,” Freddie whispered, taking the pill from her palm, “let me take this and you just...” he leaned in, placing his fingers under her chin to bring her close to him, kissing her slowly and you watched as their tongues danced together, exchanging the pill. You noticed her hands tug at the fabric on his shoulders and you suddenly wondered how fast he could make her cum and if you could do better.

  “Maybe should we get out of here...” you leaned in between them, catching (Y/N)’s stare while her puffy lips pouted and her breath began to build. She looked back at Freddie, biting her lip as she tried to gauge his reaction. When he looked over at you, you raised your eyebrows as if to say ‘come on’ and he nodded in return; the three of you took a car back to Freddie’s apartment, you and Freddie unable to keep your hands off of (Y/N). You sat behind her, hands on her hips, before you pushed her hair away from her neck, planting kisses along the side up to her ear while Freddie messaged her thighs and kissed her shoulder and her hand snaked to the back of his neck. Her moans filling the car let you know that the Ecstasy was kicking in, her hand falling from Freddie’s neck to your leg told you that tonight was going to be exactly what you hoped for.

xx

  You didn’t know how it happened but when the three of you stumbled into Freddie’s apartment, you were hypnotized by the sensations covering your body. Roxy kept her hands firmly on your waist as her lips continued to softly kiss your neck while Freddie directed the two of you to his bedroom, the windows covering the room in an amber hue.

  “Lay down” Roxy whispered. You looked at Freddie before sitting down on the bed, not losing eye contact with him. Roxy was the first to take off any clothing, unbuttoning her blazer to expose the lacy bra she had underneath; you forgot how amazing her body was and you couldn’t control your hands reaching out to touch her. She smiled before leaning in to nip at your lips, placing her hands on either side of you as she hovered over you, making sure you were laying flat on the bed. You noticed her and Freddie exchange a look as if they could read each other’s minds; Roxy moved behind you while Freddie took her place in front of you. They started peeling of your clothes before their hands roamed your body, Roxy pulling you up gently to rest you in her lap before she leaned down to press a soft kiss to your lips. Freddie was taking his time with you, slowly kissing your thighs and teasing your core as he traded his lips from one thigh to the next, his breath cascading over your skin and driving you mad the more time that went by

  “Oh god” you whined at the lack of connection you were getting, catching Freddie’s smirk as he pulled back to pull off his shirt and Roxy began massaging your scalp. You saw the two of them glare at each other before your eyes fluttered shut at the feeling of Roxy’s fingers tangling in your hair

  “You wanna fuck her?” you heard Freddie say, feeling his body hover over yours, “huh? Is that what you came here for?”

  “That’s why we’re here, isn’t it?” Roxy returned

  “This was your plan wasn’t it? When you texted her, you just didn’t think I’d be here” Freddie grumbled

  “I had no idea you existed” she challenged, forcing your eyes to open

  “What the hell is going on?” you yelled to them, sitting up so you were between them. Neither of them answered you, they only glared at each other before continuing to kiss either side of your neck, Roxy’s hand trailing down your body until she found your clit; circling it until you let out a raspy moan, “fuck!” Freddie continued kissing down your body, stopping to kiss your nipples for moment before he stood up to take off his jeans

  “Sit up” Roxy whispered in your ear and you obliged, wrapping your arms around Freddie’s neck to pull him close to you, pushing your breasts to his chest while his hands grabbed your hips and Roxy removed her pants before taking her place behind you once more. “You’re so wet, baby” she smirked as your back began to arch at her touch

  “You look so sexy” Freddie added lowly and you dropped your head against Roxy’s lap until she moved back to lay your head onto the mattress, placing her legs on either side of your head, encouraging you to begin working at her orgasm. You felt Freddie push your legs apart before he guided himself into you, eliciting a loud moan that rippled through Roxy, forcing her to curse into the open space. You pressed your tongue flat against Roxy’s folds as Freddie rocked into your hips, allowing your ministrations to reach Roxy without you trying too much but when she ground her hips down a little, you brought your fingers up, curling them inside her as Freddie’s hands gripped your waist and ground himself into you, harder and harder, you had to stop what you were doing

  “Fuck!” you screamed, reaching out for him with one hand while your other remained where it was, your fingers pumping in and out of Roxy until she reached her climax. She sat back against the pillows as Freddie continued to fuck you, eventually swinging her legs to the side and making her way behind Freddie. You watched as she traced her fingers up his arms, kissing his shoulders while he crashed his hips against yours

  “How tight does she feel?” you heard Roxy whisper to Freddie

  “So tight” he moaned, Roxy continuing to glide her fingers across his body

  “Such a beautiful pussy isn’t it?” she smirked, kissing his neck in the process

  “God yes” he growled, wrapping his arms around your waist to bring you up

  “Make her cum” Roxy whispered once more, her hands moving to push his hips into yours. Their breathing synced with each other as they brought you to a mindless state of bliss

  “Fuck” you breathed, the two of them crashing on the bed beside you, your chests rising and falling in sync.

  “Well shit” Roxy laughed

  “That was great” you smiled

  “We’re not done yet...” she said before your hand fell into Freddie’s chest. He brought it to his lips and you felt him smile against your skin before they moved you up against the pillows. You were exhausted, and you couldn’t say you were surprised; a threesome seemed like a lot of work without the drugs and alcohol and just as much with them. You lazily danced your finger across Freddie’s arm as you caught your breath, letting your free hand glide up Roxy’s leg before she smiled at you. She cupped your face with her hand and pressed her lips to yours, parting your lips with her tongue, allowing you to melt into her body; you felt Freddie’s erection push into your ass before his lips connected with your earlobe. His hands pulled your hips into him while you continued to kiss Roxy, your fingers now tangling in her hair, before you felt Freddie thrust into you from behind. You hummed at the sensation but couldn’t break the kiss you were sharing with Roxy, letting Freddie fuck you as hard as he could.

  “Fuck baby, you feel so good” he moaned

  “Fuck” you moaned in return, catching Roxy’s eyes before she kissed down your body until she reached your centre. Circling your clit with her tongue as Freddie fucked you from behind, your body becoming overwhelmed by sensation. It wasn’t long before you reached your second high, letting out a squeal as both Freddie and Roxy found the exact right spot at the same time, Freddie biting your shoulder as he kept himself inside you until he came. You fell back into his chest, panting as you calmed down, smirking when Roxy didn’t come back up from where she was. “What are you doing down there?” you laughed

  “I’m just catching my breath” she replied

  “I’ll be right back” Freddie said, kissing your temple before getting up and heading into the en suite bathroom. He came back with a damp face cloth and began cleaning you up, turning your body gently to make sure he didn’t miss anything. Roxy scoffed when he left without doing the same for her, “I thought I’d get a clean cloth for you” he said as soon as he came back in the room, doing the same for her as he did for you.

  “Well aren’t you just... perfect” she said, “prince of aftercare”

  “He’s pretty great” you smiled

  “Thanks,” he chuckled, “can I get anyone anything from the kitchen? Water?”

  “No I’m good, thanks babe”

  “I’ll take some wine if you got it. Wine always helps level me out after E” Roxy said

  “You got it, Adrianne” he smirked, making his way downstairs quickly, leaving the two of you to giggle and gossip about him

  “You really love him don’t you?” she said, pushing herself up onto the pillows where you were

  “I do” you confessed

  “You guys are good together” she replied and you could tell there was something she wasn’t saying

  “Thanks...” you furrowed your brow, “what’s wrong, Rox?”

  “Nothing,” she scoffed and you tilted your head, “no really. I just.. didn’t think I’d find you so domesticated”

  “Domesticated?” you laughed, “what about this night says ‘domesticated?’”

  “Not this night,” she smiled, “just how you are with him. It’s sweet. It’s just not what I expected”

  “What did you expect?” you questioned

  “I guess I thought you’d be independent. Being a boss ass bitch, like me,” she laughed, “and not wanting to settle down so you’d be f—”

  “Filling my time with random hookups?” you interrupted and she shrugged like it was obvious, “you know I’m not like that. I’ve never been like that.”

  “I’m happy for you” she added just as Freddie came in with her wine, nearly filled to the brim, “he’s a keeper” she whispered. She made quick work of the wine, finishing it almost immediately after she got it, and decided it was time she head out, “this was fun. Like really fun, but I think it’s time for me to go”

  “Adrianne...” you sighed, using her full name to try to convince her to stay

  “No really. I’ve got an early morning, you’ve got a busy day,” she replied, gesturing to a still-shirtless Freddie, “I had a great time but let’s just let it be that. It was nice to see you again, (Y/N), and it was nice to meet you, Freddie”

  “You too, Adrianne” he smiled sweetly

  “Oh please,” she laughed, “you’ve seen me naked. You can call me Roxy”

  “Why is it Roxy? You never really told me...” you asked with a smile

  “I went as Roxanne, or what I thought Roxanne would look like, for Halloween one year. You know like the Police song?” she explained while you and Freddie nodded, “well anyway, everyone got tired of singing the song to me, real quick, and Roxy was born”

  “I like that story” you smiled, noticing the shyest smile creep over Adrianne’s face; it was the first time she’d really been truly vulnerable with you

  “Take care of her, okay?” she said to Freddie

  “I will” he replied

  “Take care of yourself, Adrianne” you said softly

  “I will” and just like that, she was gone. You tucked yourself into your boyfriends chest and fell asleep; mumbling that you loved him before everything went dark. You weren’t sure if or when you’d ever hear from her again but, if one thing came from this night, you were pretty sure nothing was just sex anymore for Roxy.

[kingofthewilderwest]

I know you aren’t keen on getting a bunch of asks recommending media, but is there anything you’ve gotten into lately that you’re during to pitch to people?

Let's see. ^.^ I'm currently watching Adventure Time. This is my first time watching every episode sequentially (circa 2013 or 2014 or so, I watched a spattering of episodes out of order but never finished the show). Currently in S6. I absolutely love how the world grows in Adventure Time. You can tell the early seasons were written with little in mind, simply going out, being wild, being spontaneous, and creating a wacky, trippy world. But that turned into a world with great depth, heart, and expansion as the series continues (especially once you enter Season 5). The worldbuilding is awesomely done.

I feel like lots of shows, when they transition from "early spontaneity" to "long-term comfort," they lose something. I think of Futurama. The early seasons of Futurama are incredible because it's not formulaic to the viewer; events are unexpected; new characters are introduced rather than repeated, expected, predictable recurrences. Futurama is still a HELL of a show in its middling seasons, etc. and a fave of mine. The Office (USA) also has that challenge/loss. But damn, Adventure Time managed the transition INCREDIBLY smoothly and well, I love how you settle into the world. How you get into the depth. How you get worldbuilding. How you get into deeper story messages. And how even in the midst of all that, you still maintain that spark, that spontaneity, that uniqueness, that vibe that made me get interested in the show in the first place.

Adventure Time straddles the line between two types of off-kilter: the positive, quirky-bright off-kilter, and the slight-off-slightly-dark-off-kilter. It's great. I've also heavily appreciated the cast of characters, how there's a ton of women characters, and how they're all very interesting, in-depth, and not standard/stereotypes.

But uhhhhhh. Really my current hyperfixation is. Uh. Bluegrass. [laughter] Seriously. Bluegrass. Especially first generation bluegrass circa 1940s-1960s. I made a fuckin' sideblog intentionally to avoid folks unwantedly suffering juxtaposition of fictional fandom and music history obsessing. Heh. Hilariously, I've been timid to show the true depths of my screeching passion. Rn I'm trying to do blog clean-up and a mini-restart (halfway through retagging my posts! and planning to change how I write my posts so they're shorter, etc.), and trying to get more outgoing... because let's be real, it's going to be more entertaining if I'm gungho crying screeching infodumping unrestrained about the subject, whatever your background is on the subject. I know I enjoy reading posts on any topic if the writer is sufficiently excited, so I need to uh, channel the excitement! SO THAT'S WHAT I AM PLANNING TO DO.

And seriously that's where all my excitement in life is right now!!! It's changed my life and I'm not even joking (not gonna go into here rn why but yeah it has). Like holy shit I can't get enough of reading about these dudes from the 1950s. I can't get enough listening to them, watching videos, learning the little nothings, the stupid humorous stories, the Drama(tm) between competing bands, the development of the music, me learning how to play banjo and fiddle, writing creative stories (fics????) inspired by the topic, everything!!! I can listen to a recording and tell you which fiddler is playing in this band or which mandolin picker or which tenor is singing and probably estimate what year it was recorded because like, holy shit man, I have found my CALLING. I've started collecting 100 year old records! I'm heading to a bluegrass festival this weekend for three solid days of internal (and probably external) fanboying. Gah it's like, fucking, there's all those K-Pop fans out there and they have each other to scream with, and i'm all here by my lonesome on this fucking genre. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE FOR THE BETTER so I cannot be happier at where my mind has headed.

So if you want to uhhhh read..... THAT??!?!?!?!?! uh? I mean, I don't expect you to be interested. BUT YOU ARE WELCOME TO COME ABOARD AND POKE ME and see what the stupid fucking shit I've somehow managed to get myself into. Okay but seriously it's so coool like all the different banjo playing styles??? How many people innovated their own style and taught themselves to play? ALL THE DIFFERENT INFLUENCES THAT GO INTO BLUEGRASS MUSIC??? How it's simultaneously a hella progressively innovative music style from its inception to today while also considered USA American traditional music? How many of these songs are several hundred years old and originated as English, Scottish, and the like folk tunes? How you might find out a bluegrass song actually originated as an obscure broadway tune that got coopted, or a Jamaican folk song, or big band jazz, or...? I mean holy cow dude, music is awesome and i'm so glad that it's a major part of my life again.

a;eogiaje;roigaje;roiagjerioj I have no idea if this is anything you wanted, but that's my answer I guess! Full of incoherence. Have a great one and stay awesome.