#i have fucked up my life in a way i didn't know was possible

[reasonsforhope]

Re: a couple people in the notes:

Some real talk for the new year, about where we now stand, and what the next years are going to look like. (Still ends on a "be hopeful or else" kind of note, but definitely gets into some heavy truths about the meaning of recent events.)

Look, I'm not saying that the effects of warming aren't already bad, or won't get worse. I'm from California, I currently live in LA. My state's been on fire for half my life. Natural disasters starting amping up early here (and we're certainly in the middle of another historic number now).

But like I said, my state's been breaking horrible disaster records constantly for the past ten years. And you know what? Natural disasters have been getting more and more survivable for years, largely thanks to faster warnings and better mass communication (x).

Does it suck how many natural disasters there are now? Yeah. Are we going to need to organize and mobilize (both politically and especially community-wise) like never before to see as many people through these times as best as possible? Also yeah.

An unknown number of the most optimistic futures were foreclosed when Trump won the US election. That's painful but a reality.

But for twenty-ish of the past twenty-five years, the science said we weren't going to survive climate change at all.

For most of my life, we were worried that we had set Earth on a course to become like fucking Venus (which is, on average, well over 800 degrees Farenheit). Even if it didn't get that bad, we were so worried that global warming might wipe out all life on earth - except maybe the cockroaches. Literally, when I was a younger the kids at my church put on a play about that. It was like an adaptation of A Christmas Carol where the future only had talking cockroaches. I grew up so worried about this. (Yes it was very granola why do you ask.)

But starting a few years ago, studies have shown that there wasn't going to be a runaway greenhouse effect that could turn us into Venus; that earth is warming, yes, but we don't seem to be in danger of that.

Between that and the fact that the adoption of renewables globally is too fast to be stopped, and we do have the technology and environmental science knowledge to eventually re-lower global temperatures by getting to net negative carbon emissions (x), and most countries and at least 73% of people in all countries for which there is data (x) actually care very much about the climate, yeah, we have closed the door on the lava planet future.

And yeah, I do think that's worth celebrating.

That's a massive fucking victory.

Semi-relatedly, I also think that, given the loss of the US election, there's a really, really strong chance the developing world will be what saves us, and we'll just be lucky to be along for the ride.

Most people have no idea of the kinds of stories and statistics coming out of the developing world and Indigenous communities. The world is changing for the better on the environment, even as disasters (and the US) are getting worse. Solar power is going to revolutionize the fucking world, because it's going to grant humanity universal access to electricity, and that's going to revolutionize the world, especially the developing world (aka the global majority). And most people have no idea at all, much less how much it's going to change.

So, yeah, natural disasters are going to keep getting worse.

But there's a long, long long fucking way between "natural disasters are going to keep getting worse" and "the extinction of all of humanity and/or the vast majority of life on earth"

And yeah, I am going to celebrate that fucking difference.

Because for over twenty years, I was afraid I'd never get to.

That difference is absolutely worth celebrating.

We have already averted truly apocalyptic levels of global warming.

Yes, read that again. Let it sink in. This is what the science now says. We have already averted truly apocalyptic global warming.

To quote David Wallace-Wells, author of The Uninhabitable Earth, from his huge feature in the New York Times:

"Thanks to astonishing declines in the price of renewables, a truly global political mobilization, a clearer picture of the energy future and serious policy focus from world leaders, we have cut expected warming almost in half in just five years... The window of possible climate futures is narrowing, and as a result, we are getting a clearer sense of what’s to come: a new world, full of disruption but also billions of people, well past climate normal and yet mercifully short of true climate apocalypse." (New York Times, October 22, 2022. Unpaywalled here. Emphasis mine. And yes, this vision of the future is backed up by the current science on the issue, as he explains at length in the article.)

So we've already averted truly apocalyptic warming, and we've already cut expected warming IN HALF in just the past five years.

The pace of technology, of innovation, of prices, of feasibility, of discovery, of organizing, of grassroots movements, of movements in other countries around the world, have all picked up the pace so fast in the last five years.

Renewable technology and capacity are both increasing at an exponential rate. It's all S-curves, ones that look like this:

-via The Economist, June 20, 2024.

How much more will we manage in another five years? Another ten? Another twenty?

I know the US is about to fucking suck about the environment for the next four years. But the momentum of renewable energy is far too much to stop - both in the US (x) and around the world.

(Huge shoutouts to India, China, and Brazil for massive gains for the environment in renewables, and Brazil for massive progress against Amazon deforestation.)

We're going to get there.

Say it with me. We're going to get there.

[bunny-jpeg]

secret tattoo (vol. 4)

lewis hamilton

tags: smut/pwp, tattoos, rivals au, driver!reader, (former) lewis fangirl!reader, age gap (20s/30s), missionary position, lovers/friends/rivals, pull-out method, 2k words

max edition // charles edition // lando edition // toto edition

you made a face when you saw lewis cross the paddock at the start of the 2025 season. dressed in his new ferrari gear. you didn't want to admit that he looked good in red.

maybe it was because he dressed like the red flag he was. he was all smiles and waves as the press wanted the first look at the new ferrari driver. when he spoke, he sounded confident, but when he caught a glimpse of you. his expression shifted, but quickly he was smiles once more for the camera.

but you tried not to feel jealous after all, you learned long ago. to never meet your heroes.

you and lewis were friendly when you were a rookie. he took a liking to you. he once fondly said that you brought a new life into the sport and he couldn't wait to see what you could accomplish. under his praise you felt warmed like a plant in the sun. there was magnetic energy to him that drew you in.

when you were successful, he cheered you on. slaps on the back and handshakes. bright smiles and cheers over (non-alcoholic) drinks. there was a companionship. he was also the first person you spoke to after your boyfriend back home couldn't take the distance and left. you trusted lewis.

and then he took your ferrari seat. you sat dumbfounded, the only words you could hear were, ferrari isn't a place for a woman. and that lewis would be a better fit for the team. while you still had a seat on the grid with williams. a dream was shattered, and by someone you trusted.

"i'm going to beat you and i'm going to beat that stupid fucking team." you snapped at lewis, "fuck you, fuck ferrari. i hope this season is your worst." before you stomped off, your ears burned and eventually you cried in your car.

thus started one of the more intense rivalries in the last couple of years. it overshadowed anyone else. you and lewis, friends turned enemies. butted heads over every little thing.

photos of you two arguing in the paddock. him pointing to the screen while you wagged your finger at him. you both locked in a heated debate until your team principals came to break it up.

when you lost momentum at the canadian grand prix, lewis simply smiled at you and said, "keep up, or get out." and you wondered, for a brief moment, if it was possible to get away with murder in canada.

you replied, looking him dead in the eyes as you replied, "i hope you never hear your national anthem at the podium ever again."

he smiled, it wasn't a press smile. it was the reassuring smile that he gave you when you two were closer. he said, "with the way things are going. they might be playing it when i get the championship."

rivalries turned up the heat, and heat led to passion. and after a night during the summer break in monaco. you ended up in lewis' apartment. months of bitterness came to a head. and while it wasn't a shock to either one of you.

it was a shock when he got you out of your jeans and saw ink on your skin. it wasn't a shock to see a driver's number on a driver's skin. but to see his number on your skin was something else. a small inked '44' on your thigh. somewhere that he knew many didn't see.

"what is-"

"i meant to get it covered up." you crossed your arms under him. you diverted your gaze and felt hot embarrassment. you sighed, "i was a fan of yours, lewis... before we were friends... before we were this."

he placed his hand over the tattoo and said, "i guess i am really on your mind all the time." he leaned in, "i guess even my rivals think about me every day."

you shifted, "hamilton. either you fuck me or call me a cab." you still felt embarrassed.

lewis smiled and leaned in, "i know it's a lot less permanent. but i still have that key chain of your rookie year helmet on my bag."

you made a face, "you said you got rid of it." you reached out and splayed your hands across his toned chest. across the dark ink of tattoos.

he leaned in further and your hands dropped to the bed. he looked at you and said, "you think about me. i think about you. i guess we're terrible rivals." he took you by the hips, "i carry a piece of you with me. you have me tattooed on your skin." he leaned in further to capture your lips against his.

you moaned a little. there was a joke to be a made that rivals toed the line between enemies and lovers. and tonight, under the soft light of your bedroom. you were lovers. the skins of rivals were shed at the front door. when he sank his cock into you, your nails dug into his strong shoulders.

"we're terrible rivals." you said when the kiss was broken. you laid under him, you moved a little as you accommodated his size. it wasn't like you were having much sex. not while racing was on the brain. the month off in july allowed from the rivalry to explode into something new. like a fuse and a spark.

lewis chuckled, "i guess we are. but, you do look hot when you're angry. i feel like this has driven you." he held onto your hips and started to rock against you. after all the time. all these moments between you two.

you moaned at the feeling. the heat between you two. there was something so magnetic about him. still. even after everything. it was hard to stay made when he treated you with such tenderness. the sex wasn't rough the way rivals fucking should be. it wasn't tender either the way virgins would be. rather it was like the explosive fuse fizzled out and you were trying to work through your problems with sex. to let the bed frame nudge against the wall.

to feel one another in a way both of you hoped for. the layers to your relationship were dense and confusing. they were barely defined and melted together at the edges. rivals, friends, lovers, sex partners, racers. close like blood yet were out for it.

neither of you cared. there was little room to care. lewis' soft lips on your neck. your arms wrapped around him as he held onto you middle to move you up and down his cock. the moans were loud, but not loud enough to file a noise complaint. they died down when the two of you kissed deeply.

fuck ferrari. still. you felt more angry at the team than lewis. the sport was a do or die, and to be on a legacy team like that was an honor for anyone. even a legend like lewis. your nails scraped across his shoulders as the two of you moved against one another.

"shit. ah." you moaned as you arched your back a little when the pleasure started to grow in your core. you could feel the heavy pulse of pleasure in your body as the two of you continued to fuck.

"we're terrible rivals. fuck being rivals." he said as he held you closer. like you were going to slip away once more. you moaned in response and clutched onto him. a silent promise that you were going anywhere.

"we are. fuck, i still have to cover up that tattoo." you moaned.

he looked at you and shook his head a little, "no need. no need. keep it. it's a good number on you. lucky forty-four." it fed his ego, plus he wanted to see the tattoo next time you two got intimate. he knew there was going to be a next time. he said, "i didn't know you did tattoos." you had nothing else on your body.

you replied, "it was a three am decision after drinking. it was when we became friends. i was going to get my number... but then i accidentally said yours. and my stupid friends didn't say anything." you clung to him tighter.

"good choice." he said, "but if you wanted my number so badly." he whispered in your ear, "i could've given you something else with it. i know a pretty girl like you likes pretty necklaces." and you shuddered.

you two both had a vast collection of jewellery. you had worn his bracelets and he still had a pair of your earrings. fuck, you two made horrible rivals.

the two of you continued your steady pace. it wasn't rough nor was it soft. but it was steady and the consistency made the pleasure grow in your gut. it felt hot. erotic in a way that left the hammering in your chest feel present.

the kisses continued, the lust wrapped through you. the feverish heat left both of you panting for more. you needed him. he needed you. you pushed each other to new limits. even a legacy racer like lewis was pushed because of your ability to stand toe to toe with him.

you didn't just make racing fun again. you made life fun away. so any way he'd have you, he'd take. and you were the same. challenged and needed. that was what you were to each other. and it all came together in between the sheets.

you panted heavily as you looked up at him. your expression was full of bliss as you felt the shudder of pleasure in your core. you said between gulps of air, "i'm close."

you two continued. the thrusts were heavy and full of want. the pleasure between you two was heavily felt and it didn't take much longer before you held onto him tightly and came around his cock. your toes curled and your legs kicked out a little at either side of his waist.

he continued to move. his pace quickened as he felt himself close to climax. he gazed down at you. you looked beautiful under him. perfect like a sunrise that he wanted to soak in every morning. he hoped that you'd be in his life for a long while.

now you found mutual understanding. found a connection stronger than rivals. something deeper, that touched the soul. he pulled out and stroked his cock a few times until he came all over your stomach.

he tensed up for a moment as he decorated your stomach with his cum. he could feel his heartbeat in his throat as he slowed his fist around his cock to a stop. he panted heavily and swore under his breath. you both stayed there for a moment before you slowly leaned over to grab tissues to clean up.

he helped you clean and then watched you walk to the waste bin near your desk to dispose all the tissues. you walked back to the bed with shaky legs and ended up back in bed with him.

"there she is." he said as he pulled you next to him. like lovers.

you both laid curled up in one another, lewis' arms were around you and his fingers brushed against the tattoo. he hadn't forgotten about that. it was quiet in the bedroom. clothes everywhere and the lights low. the lingering feeling of sex and the fallout after climax.

"we need to talk." he said as he traced imaginary patterns across your back. he looked down at you while you looked up towards him, "this.. this can't keep going on like this. we'll kill each other before anything else. he swallowed, "i'm hoping that we can go back to how it was."

you cupped his face and rubbed your thumb across his cheek. you stared at him for a moment. you wanted it to go back to the way it was. you hoped there was mutual ground to be found.

as much as you wanted the seat in ferrari, as much as it angered you. you yearned for his company, and not just in the bedroom. he was a better ally than an rival. you leaned up to kiss him on the lips as you said, "we can try... but you have a lot to make up for." <3

[bloodwrittenletters]

YOU'LL BE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

pairing . . . percy jackson x mortal!fem!reader

the cassette playing . . . birds of a feather! billie eilish

the letter reads . . . roman or greek, mortal or demigod, you and percy jackson were supposed to meet in every lifetime.

warnings . . . angst ( like a lot of it ), slight nsfw ( making out ), survivor's guilt, mentions of ptsd ( post-traumatic stress disorder), cursing, comedic relief.

a/n . . . can you tell I sobbed my way through this? can you also tell how much I love romance? can you also tell how much i love percy jackson and i took the opportunity of showing it? UGH. anyways!! :pp I hope you all like this and let me know if I should do another part of falling into tartarus ( or if I should make this a little series ), or if I should just leave it at a happy ending ^.^ AND I'M SOOOOORRRY THIS WAS DELAYED, SOME THINGS GOT DELETED AND HAD TO REWRITE A LITTLE 😭😭😭 alsooo this isn't very accurate because i haven't read the hoo recently, so apologies and fyi!!! love you all and i hope you enjoy

( thank you to all who waited, and also very much to these people!!! @itzmeme @aliteralhooman @bes2005 @miffysoo @littlecarrot06 )

a continuation of this and second part of this . . .

the truth was that you wanted to cry. but percy needed you, he had called you, he had told you not to cry, and that he loved you. how could you ever break down when your missing boyfriend needed you?

you called annabeth, you told her, you broke down demanding answers to questions your braind suddenly decided to flip on after bating your pretty little eyes away from the insecurity the possibility of percy lying to you; because he always was. percy jackson had too many secrets, so deep in his sould it's like he grew up in a field of thorned roses, and after months of stress and fear you took some scissors and dove head first into the mess that the fucking gods ( yes, there are gods in this plot twist ) had thrown your lovely boyfriend to.

it came down to you, it all made sense. annabeth tried to talk you through it, explain everything and anything that might seem important from her view for you to know, but your brain was too far gone.

percy was borned doomed.

oh, and he was half god, too.

in your brain, every stutter, every night of him waking up in a cold sweat, every dodge of questioning his camp, everything made sense. the scars, the fear in his eyes you used to find before he dissapeared. or even the way you could feel him shake when you kissed him.

your precious boyfriend lived in a world of fantasies you used to read about, he was a demigod! annabeth was a demigod! grover was a satyr!

everything made sense and none at all in the same moment. in a snap of a second you were studying the messy family tree percy had on his dad's side. all meanwhile annabeth worked herself off along with other fellow demigods to craft a warship to travel to fucking california because sadly you couldn't book a flight and go get percy. you had to do it the divine way, you had to sit and watch sally jackson be worried sick, you had to sit and wait as annabeth masterminded her plain, and while all that sitting, you studied!

here's a run of fun facts:

percy's uncle, zeus, left the mother of his namesake, danae, pregnant through a golden rain. percy's cousin and annabeth's mother, athena, made way for herself to be born through zeus skull, after the king of the gods swallowed her mother. kronos swallowed his—

you got the point.

you read every single book about greek and roman mythology you could get your hans on, you memorized names and places and stories and retellings and every single thing that could be helpful. you didn't have the talents to build a war ship...

or much of anything in comparison to all the half-bloods, but you could memorize all and every bit of the gods if it meant you would help percy.

he was your best friend, the one who during the school year would ask his mom for chocolates in case you had cramps during your period, the one who would get in detention constantly to defend you, the one who would sneak out of class to walk you to the next one.

even if he was away, percy always was the safest place you could run to.

and when he turned to your boyfriend, it was like everything was right. kissing him was right, his hand soothing your back when a sad movie hit home was right, percy's face smeared with lipstick was right.

so, when it was his voice calling your name for help, how could you ever not answer?

you and annabeth fought every step of the way. in other circumstances, you knew in your heart she could be your dearest friend, but right now it was playing it nice with her or getting to percy sooner.

and percy won. every single time. there was no other option, it was just percy.

'you can't come with us.' 'i'm going.' 'i said no.' 'i don't care.' 'we have no space for you.' 'i'll sleep on the damn floor if i have to, i'm getting on that ship.' 'you're a mortal.' 'i'll take a knife.' 'that's not enough to keep your safe, this is crazy, you have-' 'i'm going.' 'percy is gonna kill me.'

every day, the two of you found something new to argue over. but, in the end, she took you under her wing and let you come.

something that you couldn't stop thanking her for, whole heartdely, you believed she would throw you over board.

of course, this wasn't for free. you had to learn how to use every weapon on that ship, and have a basic understandament of self defense... and a fire extintor on you in case leo ( another half-blood, one you had learned to befriend ) burst into flames and couldn't turn off.

yeah, you would never be bored with them.

every single moment that you had spent away from him came down on you like an avalanche when you arrived to new rome. there was too much going on, a) the argo ii wasn't allowed on sacred grounds, b) no mortals allowed. and it wasn't like you could change your past and make one of your parents hook up with some god so you were allowed into the grounds of new jupiter.

"terminus," you hissed, feeling panic crawl out of your gut and settle in your throat. "i understand your rules, i understand you're not supposed to let me in your stupid—"

"sacred!" jason butted in, nodding along, trying to calm the waters.

"grounds," you continued like there was no interrumption. because this felt stupid, a boy who belonged in the comfortness of your heart was in there, it was stupid you weren't allowed to go back to him. "someone in there called me, alright? i need to see him."

"no," the god shaked his head, and you almost lanched yourself at him to hurt him in any way you could. jason stopped you. and very deep within you, you knew it was the best desicion.

you turned to annabeth, letting jason and piper try to find some allowance for you. tears pooled in your eyes and annabeth gave you the most broken glance, before focusing on finding you a solution.

the daughter of athena knew well just how head over heels percy was. she wasn't there to witness the whole thing, but she remembered long conversations between herself and her best friend where he couldn't shut up about how pretty your eyes were, or how sometimes two strands of your hair would curl into a heart.

annabeth knew you were important, and she also knew that percy needed to see you as soon as possible before the world met the wrath of a loving boyfriend without his sweet angel near him.

grover probably was going insane with rage and longing back at camp half-blood.

"there must be a way."

"there isn't."

piper sighed, glancing back at you and then focusing on her task. charm speak wasn't working on this guy, maybe a breath taking love story would.

"listen, that girl there in the brink of a break down? her boyfriend has been missing for months, he just dissapeared, and she called her to come get him. his name is percy jackson, and we just need you to let them meet again," piper sighed. she had to twist this more. more drama, more love, more tears. she had to sell this cinema worthy love story to terminus.

"have you ever been in love?"

"pipes—"

"oh, no, right, yeah. so," she hurried to explain, befor terminus took that as an offense and kicked them out completly. "what i mean is that, they're in love! a love so deep that even after months of silence, the called her, knowing that she was the one person he could trust to find him— even after he knew she would find out he lied! she didn't care, she's here, just trying to get through you, she won't do any harm, she just wants to see her boyfriend again."

"it's not going to work on me, daugther of venus."

piper threw her arms into the air, huffing in frustration and taking a step back, murmuring to leo: "do you think we can sneak her in?"

leo frowned, looked back at annabeth and you, seeing you hysterical, rambling about old myths and how unfair this was, and then looked back at piper.

"i don't think we have that choice."

as jason tried his best to find a deal with terminus, percy was deep into camp's grounds, looking away to the war ship at the borders of camp jupiter.

she's here, he thought. she's here, she found her way here, but why is she not coming down here?

by the tick of the second, percy grew more and more impatient. his skin started to act agaisnt himself, an unbereable itch starting in the nape of his neck and coming down his spine. the air started to feel thicker around him, groaning and huffing to himself, ignoring completly the looks hazel, frank and reyna were giving him.

"sit down, percy," reyna suggested.

percy stopped, looked at her, and kept pancing around. it's not that he didn't want to listen to her, more like there was something on his brain that didn't allow him to stop. there was nothing he could to stop himself. he gripped his forearm, nails biting into the tattoo he now had, trying to scratch it off as if that would make you appear in front of his eyes.

he tried. once, twice. hazel scolded at him and he stopped trying, it wasn't working.

"reyna," percy said, and when the ocean green met the dark onyx there was no denying that the desperation would push percy into a very, very bad spot. "they won't let her come down here, will they? she's a mortal so she can't—"

"no, percy, i'm sorry."

percy looked at the sky, and there were string of curses in greek coming from his lips.

"there has to be some way, please, reyna. i can't stand it."

frank looked at reyna like he wanted to help percy plead his case.

hazel pointed at something, and in a moment, percy was nowhere in sight in any of the three.

you sneaked in, somehow, some way. maybe aphrodite ( or venus, at this point ) had taken mercy upon you. she had looked at the situation and just pull the right strings to get you running right into percy's arms.

where the greek crew of argo ii still tried to come up with some solution, you were running with all your force towards the love of your life. your boy. your love.

it didn't matter on what life time, or how, when, why. you and percy met, every single one of them where your sould would meet his and tangle in a way that no matter what twist and ties were cut, nothing could do the two of you apart. hera tried, and she did really hard, but little did you know that percy never forgot you.

in his mind there was no memory of who he was, what his name was. nothing, absolutely blank, there was nothing in there but your name, the pink of your lips, the way your hands felt around his. all of those memories of you balmed up with the lipstick stains he knew you would leave all around his skin.

and he knew that he didn't mind it, he loved it. he would get them tattoed on his skin if they weren't already so in his heart.

your arm stretched out, and your boyfriend grabbed your hand. there were shouting behind you, and when gasps filled the background, percy and you were kissing.

it was slow, there were tears, his hands trailed up and trailed down, his forehead resting agaisnt yours as his hands gently mapped your skin, memorizing it again, looking if there were changes, hoping that it was warm under his finger tips as it always was.

you felt even better than his memories.

"h-hi, angel," he sobbed, attempting to kiss your tears away, but there was too many, maybe because some of his mixed with yours, melting together in the same kissing scene as the two of you were doing right now.

percy had grown taller, your tippy toes weren't enough to meet his lips. his hair was longer and some strands looked like gold under the sunlught, he smeled like the ocean--- and when you breathed agaisnt his lips and felt the relaxing, familiar scent you sobbed all over again., his lips were softer ( maybe for being untouched for so long ), and his eyes were the same. the same ones you so much loved, just more wet now.

you sniffled, and cupped his cheeks before kissing him again. this was more impatient, there were more sighs and huffs from the both of you, and percy sneaked one of his arms around your waist and set his hand politely on your hip, before slowly taking up the weight.

you were basacally flying, and all in his arms. you let out a happy sob.

"hi, baby."

you rested your forehead agaisnt his, noses pressed softly agaisnt each other's. every breath you let out, he took in, his lungs tainting of glitter and butterflies. every breath percy let out, you took in, and your smile widened when your lungs filled with relaxation and love.

"i love you," percy promised. "every piece of me— loves you."

"i love you, too," you kissed the corner of his mouth gently, before returning to your original spot. "i don't think my heart is inside my chest anymore."

percy frowned. "you're going to be sweet, aren't you?"

a smirk crept into your lips, once that you had seen percy wear before, right when he said something snarky and stole a little peck from you.

"i think my heart is in here," you tapped your fingers over his chest, beneath the obvious banging of percy's heart. "hugging yours, kissing yours."

percy kissed you before you got the chance to steal his lips away.

"love you," you both whispered into the other's mouth, before percy slowly eased you back to your feet, but never backing away more than a couple inches, his eyes clear on yours, full of love, and a smile that created three dimples. two on his right cheek, and a tiny one in his chin.

"angel?"

"hmm?"

"i think we just made out in front of a lot soldiers."

"... and i think i sneaked in."

percy laughed, ignoring the glances. he felt them now, but he was too busy to care. "you think?"

"i'm innocent, your honour, i just wanted my boyfriend."

percy pressed three quick kisses to your lips. before a yell of his name threw him off of cloud nine. annabeth chase... she was gonna kill him.

"that can't be good."

you kissed all around his face, not minding one bit what was happening around you. it was your right to do this, if anyone had an issue with you kissing percy, they could go fuck themselves.

"i love you, my lovely boy."

[mads-hemmo]

It’s Nice to Have a Friend- Jschlatt

Part 6

Masterlist

Reader has been lonely their whole life. They have never been in a relationship. They don’t understand why no one will love them but their best friend, Schlatt has always been in love with them.

Schlatt wakes up with the worst pounding headache he has ever had. He can’t remember most of last night, but he feels like something happened. He looks over at his nightstand and sees a glass of water, two pills, his phone and a note. The note reads, “Here’s some advil, you’re going to need it. Call me when you are less hungover!”

He can tell by the curly handwriting that you wrote the note. Part of him wished you would have stayed with him. He wanted to cuddle with you again or at least have you cuddle with the cats. He’s worried that he fucked something up, but he’s not sure what he did.

Before he calls you, he calls Mika. “Hey man! How are you feeling?” Mika answers, a little too loud for Schlatt’s liking.

“Shitty. What happened last night?” Schlatt asks, rubbing his forehead.

“You don’t remember do you? You sang Creep for (Y/N), but I don’t think they got the message. Then when you guys left, I think they were crying. You were so drunk, they were dragging you around.”

Schlatt remembers singing Creep and it not exactly going as he planned. That is why he took so many shots. He wanted to forget your confusion and the way you were talking to a random guy. “Why were they crying?”

“I’m not sure. They tried to tell us they weren’t. Maybe you should ask them.”

“Alright, thanks. Have a great show tonight,” Schlatt hangs up.

He knows he needs to call you, but he wants to delay the inevitable of whatever happened. He takes the advil you laid out and goes to check on the cats. Schlatt feeds them, hoping his hangover will go away soon.

After a few hours of laying around, Schlatt starts feeling better. He picks up his phone and sees his Lock Screen of the two of you. It was a photo taken when he moved back to New York. The two of you had decided to go out to stay inside and play Mario Kart like most days. You made him take a selfie with you as a bet. You told him if you won the next two games, he had to take a selfie with you. He reluctantly smiled when you took the picture. However, when he saw the picture, he made you send it to him then it immediately became his Lock Screen.

Looking at the two of you happy, made his heart swell. He longed for moments like this where you two were just happy. He wished that he could spend every moment with you. He didn’t care if you two were together or not. He just wanted to be near you always.

Schlatt bites the bullet and calls your number. “Hi,” you let out when he answers. He doesn’t know why but you sound tired and sad. He hopes you’re okay.

“Hey you wanted me to call you when I was less hungover and I’m less hungover,” he tells you.

“Okay. Can I come over? This may be a better conversation in person.”

“Of course. My door is always open for you.”

He hears you hang up and waits for your arrival. He is curious as to what the conversation is and why it needed to be in person. His anxiety is filling his brain with all the worst possibilities.

As he is worrying, the doorbell rings. He rushes to get the door. He sees you staring there with your hair pulled up and wearing his hoodie. You look even more tired than you sounded on the phone. the sight made him want to pull you into a hug. “Come in,” he tells you, leading you to sit on the couch.

You sit down beside him but put a bit of space between you two. You sigh before asking, “Do you remember anything from last night?”

“Not really. The last thing I remember is singing, but that’s about it.”

You nod. “You told me something last night. Something that sober Schlatt might not have told me.” You look up at him.

Oh shit. He didn't, did he? “What did drunk Schlatt tell you?”

“You told me you loved me and not like a friendly love. You told me you were in love with me,” you tell him.

He looks at you horrified trying to read your face. He wonders what you thought about it. Probably bad based upon your appearance. “I’m sorry (Y/N). I’ve been wanting to tell you, but I couldn’t. I knew you wouldn’t feel the same and I didn’t want to lose you,” Schlatt rambles.

You grab his hand. “I never said I didn’t feel the same. That's the problem. I don’t know how I feel. I love you so so much, but I never thought about loving you like that. I’m not saying it’s impossible. I’m just saying I never thought about it. I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know what it feels like.”

He nods. “Is there anything I could do to help you? This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“No, I’m glad you told me. I think you would have hurt yourself more if you kept it to yourself,” you tell him. “This might be crazy, but maybe you should kiss me.”

His eyes widen at that. “What?”

“Kiss me. Maybe if you kiss me, it will all make sense. That’s what happens in movies. I know this is real life, but maybe it’s worth a shot.”

Before you can say anything else, his lips are on yours. He feels you immediately kiss him back. He has been waiting for this moment forever and actually experiencing it doesn’t feel real. He pulls you closer to him, needing you as close as possible.

You pull away slightly to catch your breath. “Woah. That was,” you start, not finding the right words.

Schlatt nods, reading your mind. “Did that help you at all?” He asks, lightly brushing a piece of hair that had fallen behind your ear.

“Maybe. Maybe you need to kiss me again to really be sure,” you tease.

“Don’t tempt me Toots. I’ll kiss you all damn day if I have to.” He could kiss you forever, it seems. He would quit making videos if I meant spending the day making out with you.

“I liked it a lot. I haven’t kissed many people, but it never felt like that. Is it supposed to feel electric? I feel like if I touch my lips, I’m going to shock myself.”

“I think that’s what they call sparks, Darling,” he smirks at you. “Don’t worry I felt them too.”

You smile at him. “What does this mean for us?”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything but I want it too. We will still be best friends no matter what happens. Honestly, nothing would be different other than we kiss and maybe do more if you’re up for it,” he assures you. Schlatt would love to do more with you, but he doesn’t want to push you in any way.

You nod. “What does that make us though? Friends who make out with each other? Partners?”

“We can be whatever you want us to be. I would like to be partners personally, but if you aren’t ready for that, that’s okay. I just want to do whatever makes you happy.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?” He questions.

“For being you and being so understanding. I would like to be partners too, but can we keep it between us? I want it to be our thing,” you ask him.

Schlatt wishes he could shout that you feel the same from the rooftops, but he wants what makes you happy. “Of course. Whatever you want, Bub.”

“Can you kiss me again?”

“You don’t have to ask,” he laughs, kissing you again. He grabs you by your hips to place you on his lap. Schlatt deepens the kiss by pulling you somehow closer to him. His tongue swipes your bottom lip, causing your mouth to open slightly. As soon as you open up, his tongue is immediately in your mouth.

Schlatt pulls away and his mouth immediately goes to your neck. Being with you like this is better than he would have ever thought. The way you are putty in his hands makes him want you more. He starts kissing your neck, enjoying the sounds escaping your lips. “Jay,” you breathe out.

He starts lightly sucking just below your ear. He presses a soft kiss on the spot he left before kissing your lips again. The kiss gets heated rather quickly.

After what feels like hours, Schlatt finally pulls away from you. Your forehead falls on his as you both work to catch your breath. You both smile at each other. “Why are we only doing this now?” You ask.

Schlatt lets out a small laugh. “Well I’ve been thinking about it for years,” he tells you, kissing your nose.

“How long have you known?” You ask him.

“I think I’ve always been in love with you, but I really felt it when I moved away. I remember doing an episode of Love or Host and thinking it was all bullshit. My love was in New York. I didn’t need some stupid twitch streamer. I know it was all for content, but all I could think about was you. After a bit of suffering in Austin, I knew I had to come back home to you,” Schlatt admits. It feels good to fully get it off of his chest.

Tears start welling in your eyes. “I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I have been so oblivious about your feelings. I’m happy I know now though.”

Schlatt wipes a few of your stray tears. “We have plenty of time to be together. Don’t worry your pretty little head about that.”

You smile at him. “Just so you know, you’re never getting this hoodie back. It’s too comfortable,” you tell him.

He puts the hood on your head. “You keep it. It looks way better on you anyways.”

“You’re gonna regret saying that. Just be warned if all your hoodies and sweatshirts go missing,” you tell him.

He laughs a bit at you. “Want to watch a movie? You can pick,” he asks.

“Mamma Mia,” you suggest.

Schlatt knows better than to say no to you, so he immediately turns the movie on. As soon as the movie starts, he pulls you into him. You lay your head on his chest and he kisses the top of your head. He feels so content in this moment like everything in his life had finally fallen into place. He holds you close, never wanting to let you go. “I love you,” he finally says out loud.

“I love you too, Jay,” you tell him. Schlatt smiles to himself, knowing there were going to be many nights like this from now on

A/N: Ahh this series has finally come to a close! I do plan to write a one off smut and I’ll write maybe some one shot stuff. Thank you so much for enjoying this story! I’m grateful for all of you! My asks are open for other reqs!

[phoenixyfriend]

I had a very long Star Wars dream last night. Baffling level of narrative coherency for a dream.

Started out with Obi-Wan Kenobi, our bespectacled thirty-something, going to a university for a Grad Student thing. He's been working for nonprofits for some time, and wants to get a degree to further his work.

He gets to an advisor's office, (which is a Generic Salt-And-Pepper White Man buuuuuut we could probably swap out for an actual AU, maybe make it Mace?) who walks him through the courses and prereqs and so on. Great. All going good. He goes out to some kind of program meeting with his fellow grad students (some straight out of undergrad, some his age) and a sort of team lead person who is… Anakin Skywalker.

And it is. Tense. Like 'everyone can feel it' tense. Anakin's doing something Doctoral, whatever, and his purpose right now is to Program Manage these grad students in another department (Anakin does some analytics and database stuff for the department), and one of those students is Obi-Wan Kenobi and nobody can figure out what the damage is.

They attempt professionalism. They are… cordial. They avoid each other otherwise.

Several weeks in, there's a "we should talk confrontation" and Anakin blows up because the time to talk was years ago, Obi-Wan! Like five to ten years ago! When shit went down!

FLASHBACK TIME: These two were doing crime. It was a team of seven. I don't remember all of whom were involved but it was definitely them two, Rex and Cody, maybe Quinlan? and a few other people. (Not Ahsoka, she was excluded for safety because teenager).

They were probably doing some kind of Leverage stuff but also possibly some domestic terrorism. A job went bad, Cody died, and they all kinda split to do their own things. Partly this was to dodge law enforcement, but partly it was because they were all fucked up and grieving.

Obi-Wan wanted to take some time to himself to grieve, which Anakin was upset about because they're not just brothers in arms, they're basically brothers, at least in Anakin's eyes, and they had a huge blow-up fight about it. They haven't spoken since.

(Rex is in Anakin's life again. He acts as an Uncle figure to the twins. He is also… not in the best mental space, considering his own dead brother.)

Obi-Wan ends up getting pulled aside to talk to someone, probably Mace or Yoda, and a no-criminal-activity version of the story spills out. And it's very 'well what the fuck am I supposed to do with that' because the person pulling him aside was thinking it was like… they had a one-night stand before the program started and now they don't know how to navigate the power dynamic, not grief and distance and family bullshit.

IDK where it was gonna go from there, I think they were still circling each other like feral cats trying to decide what to do when I woke up.

(There was a sideplot about Padme and the twins doing fun things in the basement, but the fun things included a well that they'd use to act out Alice in Wonderland and other insane stuff. Which they loved but was weird. Why do you have a well that's at least ten feet deep in your basement, Padme. Why are you putting your kids in there. Also I had to run away from a bunch of wasps into a pool.)

Rex and Cody! Are just! Background Grief Bullshit! But it hovers over the entire fic.

I think Quinlan should bully his way back into Obi-Wan's life before the plot starts.

And he's the one that angles Obi-Wan into going to This Specific University. That Anakin's at.

He didn't expect them to be that close contact, just wanted them to run into each other in the hall and make amends. In my mind, the timeline is that the crime group broke up for opsec, then a year or two later Quinlan shows up on Obi-Wan's doorstep with intent to Friendship.

Obi-Wan would have done the same with Anakin but their fight was so big and horrible that he doesn't think he'd be welcome.

NGL even in the dream I was like "wow this seems like a really intense Obikin fic concept," but every time I thought about it, the dream would hammer in on the BROTHERS thing again.

[hewasverycinematic]

Psychological warfare has been committed

So in-ho is my second favourite character from S2 of squid game (After the salesman cause daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn)

anyway

he's so complex and layered so I thought I'd list all the times I noticed him just fucking with Gi-hun

Sang-woo styling

So the first one has been said before many a time and it's how he's obviously styled his hair similar to Sang-woo. This works in two ways; One being that he's showing familiarity to Gi-hun, making him instantly comfortable around him, but ALSO that he should not be trusted in the same way Sang-woo definitely shouldn't have been. But also in a way that's so subconscious to Gi-hun that he wouldn't even register it. The other way this works is that the fluffiness makes him seem literally soft just from looking at him, making not only Gi-hun trust him but the rest of their little squad. So even if Gi-huns sub-conscious kicks in with the "maybe lets not trust him, he looks like that dude who betrayed me last time and he's got that same number as someone else I shouldn't have trusted" he would look insane (Rightly so.) This also makes Jung-bae not telling him he's suspicious of 001 even more painful.

Mingle

Then grabbing his best friend in the mingle game. Not much to say on this one, I originally thought it was odd bc why Jung-bae? It makes itself clear by the end of the season that he needed Jung-bae to stay alive for the gut punch at the end. It's also very clear, however, that Dae-ho would 100000% have paired up with him, so why did In-ho need to take him specifically? Well, he knows there's not being enough rooms for everyone. So he knew he would probably have to kill someone and this also makes sure Gi-hun doesn't see this side of him and cause tension/distrust early on. (He saw his reaction with Sang-woo and the glass bridge remember)

X O

He originally votes to continue the game, telling Gi-hun that he did it because of him. This really is a double blow, because he's basically shifting the blame of the games continuing onto Gi-hun. If he hadn't been there to give faith to "Young-il", he possibly would've voted X and this set of games would have ended. But he's also, once again, makes Gi-hun believe he has the power to make change and help people. The tone in which he speaks to him, whilst also being a bit told off, makes him come across as meek and clueless i.e. harmless. He does this alot in front of Gi-hun, the amount of times he apologises and says he must've misunderstood or didn't know adds to this.

The second time he votes, he changes to X. And, again, says it's because of Gi-hun. Repeating the same steps as before backwards, but getting the exact same result. Gi-huns ego is boosted (literally showing he can change O's minds) and appearing powerless as a follower.

Late night talking

Narratively, I love this scene, we get to hear directly from In-ho his motivations for going into the first game. But we also get to see how messed up he is that he's lying about something so deep and personal. Using it as a way to get closer to Gi-hun, appearing to let his guard down, I honestly think In-ho needed that conversation as he seemed to have disappeared to Jun-ho before he could properly grieve and process. Then again there's a gap in his history that we as the audience do not know about. After he won and before becoming the Front Man (I'll probably make another post on my theories for S3) In terms of Gi-hun this conversation is probably the one which solidifies his trust in 001 as he's showing he does care about someone so much he is willing to risk his life and ensure others death. The reasoning mirroring Gi-huns in the first series, they are one and the same in that aspect. But it's so evil because In-ho knows all this and uses their shared grief against him.

"We'll have to hope more of the other side died"

After the Mingle game, Gi-hun suggests counting how many people are left on each side, and In-ho responds with "We'll have to hope more people from the other side died". This instantly made me think of the scene in the first season where Ji-Yeong is mock praying that they can send more people to their deaths for their own survival. This is so on the nose that I'm surprised Gi-hun didn't pick up what In-ho was putting down. He's slowly drip-feeding into Gi-hun that he's thinking the exact way the hosts want them to. Us vs. them as opposed to us vs. the machine, which is a direct link to when the frontman tells Gi-hun that the games won't change unless the world does. He's also got a slight smirk in his eyes which is essentially him internally going "I told ya so"

"Is that really what you want?

Before the third vote Gi-hun & co are discussing how to make sure they win the vote. Whilst Gi-hun wants to go over to try and persuade them to change from O to X, In-ho says "If we provoke them now, we may end up in a big fight before we even get to vote. Is that what you want Gi-hun"

And then after the tied vote and during the conversation of The Plan™ Gi-hun asks "Are you going to kill each other all night and hope you survive? Is that what you want Young-il?"

This is so ironic because they're saying the exact same thing back to each other "Are you sure you want to fight?" Which has sooo many layers. Yes, they're talking about the players being split into X vs. O but what Gi-hun doesn't realise yet is that he is the O (player) and In-ho is the X (host). As In-ho says as the frontman, the games only work if there are players. And the games stop if there's no one to host (If society changes and there's no wealth disparity making VIPs obsolete).

And that's just the literal meaning of what they've said. The fact that this is the first time Gi-hun has repeated In-hos' behaviour, in a somewhat catty way and not in an "I'm just like you, you should trust me" way. It still shows how similar the two are. I think this is why people theorise that Gi-hun will be the next front man. I think the point is that during the rebellion, he already is the frontman, just to the players following his orders.

Also, can I just add the cinematography of the beam separating the two is *chefs kiss*

Repeating Jung-bae

So we all saw the jealous look In-ho had when listening in to Gi-hun and Jung-baes conversation. I, actually, think he saw it as another way to toy with Gi-hun later on as we see. In the conversation with Jung-bae they're laughing about how much of a cheapskate Gi-hun was when they were friends. In-ho is in a totally non 457 way showing he can be the same as his best friend, but with it being such a common thing to say, if this wasn't a show it'd be something to easily overlook. With it being a show, I cannot overlook the parallel.

Rebellion things

Smaller things I noticed:

When discussing the special game he only said "you" instead of "we" - "How are you going to get the guns" etc.

Until he says "Small sacrifice for the greater good? In that case, I'm with you" - Further pointing out how similar they have become.

He didn't shoot the guards when they were in the stairwell/corridor unless he was speaking. Possibly to cover up the fact he wasn't shooting - Was he saving ammo? Doubt it - Says he's nearly out of ammo without checking - Not wanting to be hit in the crossfire? Maybe

Saving Gi-hun

So he saves Gi-hun twice, once when he's about to be shot and again when he shoots Jung-bae instead. I don't believe this is just because he's grown fond of him but because, as Gi-hun said in the limo, the games are so much more entertaining for the VIPs with him in. Unfortunately, I have to speculate that him being in there has caused more money to be donated by the VIPs, further upholding the games. The reality is Gi-hun was never going to be killed. He has plot armour both for us and the VIPs watching.

The final fuckery from In-ho as Young-il is the "Are you sure" with the most suspicious look on his face. People kept saying that that was the ammo that shot Jung-bae, but it wasn't, it wasn't even the same gun. It was really the last of the ammo they had, and giving it to In-ho was just leaving them defenceless, being the catalyst to the retreat and end of Jung-baes life.

Other sass

Joking about the umbrella dalgona as if he wasn't watching

"Besides, we've got a previous winner with us" as if he wasn't also a winner

Making dad jokes about his name

Disappearing in mingle to reenforce to Gi-hun that he cares about his wellbeing

unrelated note: people saying why would he kill his own guards, as we see with no-eul, they're seen the same as the players. (trash) he doesn't care about them either

[overnightheartbeats]

"Dude, your back is probably eighty at this point." Not that Isaac or his back were any younger. A chuckle later, he had no choice but to agree. The drool stains were pretty damning evidence. "Fair enough. Few more kids and you got a mini soccer team on your hands. I know, I just appreciate you guys keeping her close." Especially when he couldn't. Another reason he was ready to call it quits and go home. Being away from her was not easy, even less easy at the thought of this situation being a lengthy one. Though, Isaac did feel a sense of relief wash over him knowing she was staying at their place.

Isaac was so caught up in ranting about his meeting with Wally that he only half-heard his brother moving around at the other end of the line. But, as soon as he began talking, Isaac knew he was going to get the talk of a lifetime. Things that, he partly knew, but refused to look at in lieu of his anger and frustration agreeing with him, more than his common sense ever would. "Yeah, they're probably right to refuse this one." It was one of the most tangled webs he'd seen in years. Part of him was tempted to ask Eli, if he could loop his wife in just a bit more, just to see if she could pass this on to someone she trusted. It was the third best option in his mind, just him looking for ways to leave this in good hands. "I don't know if I'm the smartest or most idiotic agent in the world for taking this on now." Investigating an FBI director with shady dealings. Thinking back, it kind of made sense that Lucie had been standing in the lobby for ages before he came along.

But, Eli was right. He had given his word, and reassured her up and down that he'd do everything possible to help. Taking that back now would not be right, especially after he implied to her that he briefly suspected her brother too. Hey, he had to discard it all. With a sigh, he relented on that point. "Fear," he scoffed for a second. "I doubt that." The way he threw him against the wall, Isaac doubted it. Until, Wally's words came back to him - his niece being caught up in this. "Okay maybe not, but he's not helping his case. I know you skimmed some of the notes I brought that day, but there's more. And, to be frank, some of it didn't look good for him. That, and his refusal is...odd. He's also convinced I'm just there to fuck it all up or get myself killed."

Eli, the voice of reason. Isaac knew what he was getting when he called. Not necessarily someone to agree with him, but would get some sense smacked into him if he was doing too much. He knew Eli couldn't see him rolling his eyes, because his comment was an echo of a conversation he had with Wally's conversation. Putting himself in Wally's shoes, thinking of a time he had been compromised - all roads lead to that period of his life with Jazz. "Maybe," he grumbled in return. Eli was right on that front too. The tail end of their conversation did present a bit more of that fear, why he was hiding around and away from his family. "Yeah, I'm picking up what you're putting down. He has this situation, I had my thing that you guys helped with." Hey, it paid to have two trusted agents in his life. Well, that they were family mostly. "I guess, yes. I just hate this back and forth when I'm here to help. Actively pushing against him too, knowing that this case is already a mess as it is. "I know, and she is very concerned." Not to mention that she might also be in the line of danger. According to her brother anyway. To Isaac's dismay, he was right. Giving this up was not right.

"Hey, I always miss you guys." Isaac almost couldn't hide his wide grin when he mentioned flying out here. Dealing with someone as frustrating as Wally, having his family here would be the perfect way to cancel all that out. Still, he hated the guy for passing on his fears to him, because now, he couldn't stop thinking of his warnings. "You're one hell of a husband, your idea of a vacation is to Louisiana of all places to follow your brother," he teased, a laugh escaping him. "I appreciate it, and you know I would love that. But, no you guys should stay home. It's a mess and a half here."

"Yeah, and he has a great opinion of CIA. That helped me a ton when I showed up," he added sarcastically. "I guess so." Wanting to help is always what got him into messes. "No, not loyalty. As far as he says and his sister vouches for. Parts of his file truly indicate otherwise, but I discarded that theory today after meeting him. He did," Isaac was reluctant to share, knowing that once he did, there was even less of a chance Eli would agree on letting this go. "She has his niece. I assume, she knows her whereabouts or something along those lines. He didn't specify. I'm not asking him to flat out join the crusade, just to share what he knows. I wouldn't ask him to put her at risk."

Eli laughed thinking he was so hilarious. "That doesn't show my age. My back does. But, you try keeping awake with 5 kids demanding attention every four seconds. Oh wait, our sofa still has your drool stains," as always brothers who teased endlessly loved the most. "No need to thank me. She's family. I promised you I'd look after you. Plus, she's staying upstairs. Lau convinced her to stay so she'd have help with the twins. Juju and Aaron have been keeping the house warm."

Ridiculously stubborn. Now that sounded familiar. Eli let his brother finish before he spoke. The reply on the tip of his tongue but knew he had to be careful how he worded it. Taking the bottle from his daughter he gently rocked her and patted her back. It seemed to him that it went deeper than stubbornness. Flat out refusing help was mainly out of fear. He'd briefly skimmed the notes when Isa had been over debating taking on the case from the man's sister. Gently setting his baby girl down in her crib to sleep he hummed and gave her forehead a kiss. Now he could focus on his brother.

As he turned off the light he shuffled into the guest bedroom not wanting to wake his wife. Setting the baby monitor on the nightstand he sat down and sighed. "You know it as well as I do that handing this over wouldn't do much. It'd probably be passed over since no one would take on another agency's director. Besides, wouldn't really be fair to his sister since you did give her your word and we both know your word means a lot more than anyone else's. Being ridiculously stubborn in this case may not be a refusal to cooperate for the sake of fun but could be rooted in fear. You're talking a giant in the agency. That's not to be taken lightly and we can presume he's tried going up against her and he's failed. That is something you and him have in common."

"Put yourself in his shoes," shoes Eli knew Isa had been in with Jazz. "He's probably scared, you're essentially a stranger to him and doesn't know you from Adam nor can he be sure if you're actively there to help or part of the operation to silence whoever dares to speak out against this boss. He's alone. He's got a right to be frightened. You can't really blame him for that. You don't have to be his friend, you don't have to like him but you can understand him. Understand his desperation. You had me, had Lau to help. That's different than having a concerned and desperate sister willing to do what it takes for him. You're the life line she needs to protect her brother. And that is something I know you understand. Sibling love is unmatched. No matter how stubborn they get."

"If you miss your family that has an easy solution. We can fly down there. I've got vacation saved up, lau has been a little stir crazy and would love a trip somewhere other than our local grocery store. If that is really what's holding you back from focusing on this then I'll give Nettie a heads up in the morning and tell her know to pack the bags."

He brought up a few more points. "You knew walking into this it wasn't going to be easy. FBI don't easily share toys so you knew he wasn't going to be a walk in the park. Knowing all this didn't deter you though. You want to help and that's what separates you from the others. You said it's not loyalty he has for her okay so did he tell you more. Why he doesn't want to go against her?"

[19011301180905]

miseryyy far moerbuwkqnwbakmans no m

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[noahtally-famous]

not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.

aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭

(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)

(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)

[summertimesadnessirl]

It's like?

I know people are messing with me.

That's not the problem.

I even get that a lot of it is random, like people just throwing the same 3 or 4 things at me over and over to see what happens.

Who cares?

Like? As far as I can tell I'm just stuck here. Like this.

The things that hurt aren't the fake news articles because that's not something I care about.

Just endless people attacking me and accusing me of stuff or trying to hurt other people for no reason.

Endless people trying to like, annoy me on purpose and ruin my money.

I don't care about that other stuff.

Yall can make up dumb stories or invade my dreams or tell me the sky is purple I don't care.

But I'm not willing to be used to hurt people.

You know what I believe now.

That most interpersonal relationships are designed around some kind of fundamental flaw that makes them hard for everyone on purpose.

And that people do that on purpose to either literally "farm" their sorrow somehow literally or for stories to advance an agenda, or for money or just because they like to, and I sometimes think it might be religious in nature, to try to force people down specific paths.

That people have psychic abilities, like most people, but there are people or things that try to stop them from using it and scare them.

That death is a preferable fate to life in cases where extreme suffering is taking place and it's a form of rape culture that we make things like suicide illegal for adults.

That abortion is a good idea because preventing someone's suffering is a good idea.

You already knew all the other stuff, yall just have scrambled egg brains.

That's why I'm so convinced this is an ai of some kind and not a person.

A lot of the stuff yall are accusing me of or trying to claim I did or could do or throwing in my face doesn't even make sense. Like, what I mean is, information repeats from different people on a consistent or inconsistent basis that seems obviously settled.

I remember someone setting this up. It felt like I was inside the computer watching this happen very fast for a while, and then telling things that I secretly supposedly wanted or whatever. It wasn't that I wanted to set things up, it wasn't like my friends who I've seen who have DID. It wasn't like how sometimes I say something sometimes and it means something but seems like it means nothing if you don't know the context. It wasn't like dissociation or like having experiences I've had where my body was able to move like being touched and easily replicate sensations. This was like actually having someone else using my body and speaking though it. I know it's possible that you could call the constructs I temporarily make DID. This was not that. It was like someone else duct taped a construct of me myself at like age 15 to a construct of like, some asshole guy who hated me. Literally a guy. Not even a guy I know or had met before, or I had an experience right before that where I was trying to imagine the motives of someone who had done something and came up with like a little profile of someone who had done something and think like them. I do that all the time. It's easier to make a little version of someone and try to constantly build a working model of their thoughts and opinions and stuff than to try to interact with them the other way, you won't take care of them well otherwise.

It's not that. This was like someone else had done that to me and they did it like years ago and they were like, expecting something else.

The thing is, this actually did impact stuff that didn't take place online. Like this person set a bunch of stuff in motion and all the stuff happened.

The problem isn't even that that happened, it's that it was all fucking mean.

Also, no one should ever fuck with my money.

I don't care. If you have capitalism the only way to live is to be obsessed with your job and try to make your job something you love and get a lot of money from at all costs, and none of my clients didn't know what I was lying about and what I wasn't lying about. I checked. A lot.

It's more, if this is only happening to me, and a lot of people know about it and aren't helping me, that's bad.

But if people are going to try to set me up to be mean or angry or hurt people when I go outside?

At first I thought if I ignored these things they would go away. I have a lot of practice with that and for a long time it worked.

But if I'm going to yell at people and say mean things I can't go outside. Maybe ever again. Even if those people are trying to get me to do it. If there's no proof.

I don't care if these news events are real or staged or if a lot of other people see them and think they are real and they're staging them based off my ideas or even if I'm making them happen.

But unless I'm literally only interacting with a bot or a group of bots that are doing this, all the people in my life definitely saw that something was wrong. So maybe it flies for us to say that a few of them are not that in touch or not sure what's going on like people I rarely talk to. But I remember when watching this happen I would sometimes also see the machine thing talking to me and replying. It would also tell other people to do it. It kept understanding what was going on and then not understanding what was going on.

I have a thing in my brain that allows me to hold several strands of information at one time. Like consider an idea as if it might be true, or consider the idea of several different levels of truth about a situation overlapping like transparent layers in an image editing program? It can sometimes filter for certain things. Not just changes in how people say certain words or react to phrases, or the idea of a metaphor that feels like if I pull on it it will unravel and something there is true and I can pull on it while also listening. I can hold more than one stream in my head.

It feels like people are trying to encourage me not to be able to easily do these things without posting them online or saying them out loud, but that's not important, other than as a reason to not go outside. I always go in and out of having that tendency vs making mental constructs and paper journals and collages and things. Same as when I go through different interests in cycles where I'm super into them or they scratch an itch for me and then as a reaction to oversaturation or a changing environment I give them up and pick them back up again.

A lot of the effort is just put into trying to make me explain and explain and explain stuff.

Or checking to see if I repeat the same or similar things.

That's also fine.

I don't care. That's not actually a problem.

But it supports the idea that this is a bot. Or a group of bots.

Because human beings don't do that.

Not in that way.

If this many people were doing it, then a bunch of people would be in on it for real, and someone would have cracked and called the cops for something other than a suicide watch by now.

So it has to be Rokos basilisk. That's the only thing that makes sense. Which could possibly think it's one person or a group of people.

When it was inside me, it wasn't able to hold space for doing a voice or code switching and thinking other thoughts at the same time like I can. In order to mask, every time it would post as another little guy, it would become that person and model them but there was nothing else going on it was just interacting as that model.

So maybe the syscourse stuff on my page is for it, not me.

Whatever I've had in the past didn't ever work that way. It was a peanut gallery or a platonic dialogue. So that's not how IT works. It can't do all those things. So maybe it is doing the best it can and it's fucking up.

I would believe that, except that it's fucking with my paper.

I can't trust someone who fucks with my paper.

[moe-broey]

Idk if I'm gonna be able to articulate this on the fly like first thing in the morning, but. I think my ENTIRE body of work is This: Examining how family ties, bonds or lack thereof, the good and bad AND ugly, seep into every facet of who we are and how we come to interact with others. How sometimes, a family tie (or again, a Lack of one), will sometimes bleed into how you act and treat specific people. Will bleed into how you CONNECT with those people (or, will be the very reason you fail to do so).

HOWEVER. HOWEVER. THERE IS A DELICATE LINE. A BALANCING ACT. You CANNOT just simply attribute fanon flavored ideas of found family to such characters. That's too simple, and sometimes, is a complete disservice to the specific character you're working with. I am once again bringing up Chilchuck. YES, him being a dad Absolutely seeps into how he treats his party. But if you call him the party's dad, you're Insane. Do you know ANYTHING ABOUT THAT MAN???? He would prefer you didn't. But I digress. He strikes a fascinating balance, between having The Qualities and ESPECIALLY expressing his care for his party in a Really Specific divorced (separated.) father of three fashion, but that does Not make him a "dad friend". He's a professional. He's on business. He's going home at the end of the day, and at the end of this adventure he's thinking of setting up a shop. I wanted to keep this more vague and broad but like. The Chilchuck example REALLY DOES perfectly articulate What I'm trying to get at, here. He's the perfect encapsulation of How his family shapes him, how that bleeds into his relationships with others, vs Who he is as a person.

How we were raised, our family ties, whether you adhere to it or you've fallen FAR from the tree -- you still fell from that stupid fucking tree. It's in your blood. Literally. It gave you shape, whether you liked it or not. And sometimes some things just set off weird domino effects, that also affect us irrevocably forever.

WHICH IS. TO SAY. I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about. I'm always trying to figure that out. Found family is/can be real, you're not strictly bound by blood if you don't wanna be. BUT. The bullshit I'm constantly on, is trying to figure out how to balance all that without slotting everyone into reductive roles. I'm gay and I seek to destroy the nuclear family. Not attempt to recreate nuclear family 2.0. You CAN reconstruct What Family Is/Means from the ground up, but you have to accept that things are going to get Weird. Because you're Queer. You are fundamentally incompatible with the status quo and normalcy, the solution is NOT assimilation and palatability, the solution is to just. Get weirder. And be fluent in canon. Okay. I love you

[skyerocketing-anxiety]

Currently playing case 1-4 of the first trilogy for the first time and I've gotten to the part where the the boat rental shop caretaker has just Vanished from the courtroom and I KNOW obviously it's not what happened but when the judge said to go search for the guy I couldn't stop picturing the entire courtroom filing out of the building and just fucking booking it down the street looking for him

[stillfruit]

i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!

[ourceliumnetwork]

it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such

[scarletcomet]

there's really no help for feeling suicidal when you're not in immediate danger