#i have fucked up my life in a way i didn't know was possible
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Jinx (or 5 times you mess things up in front of Logan and 1 time you don't) || Logan Howlett x Reader
summary: You bring bad luck and have all your life and when you meet Logan you expect him to react the same way everyone has. To your shock he doesn't. That doesn't stop you from making a fool of yourself in front of him though. Many. Many times.
warnings: flirty logan, swearing, reader has mutant fire powers, fighting, logan has ptsd in water, he lashes out bc of it, possible ooc but idc, fighting, injury, comfort, blood, explosions
wc: 5k
a/n: Okay so I fucking LOVE arcane and I thought about a fic where the reader is like Jinx in the sense of she just has really bad luck all the time. She also has fire powers because I think they're cool and after that one drabble I wanted to do more with it. This is my longest fic so I hope you like it!!!
The First meeting
You might be the first mutant with a nickname that is more of an insult than a call sign. It started when you arrived here. Just a teenager looking for a place to call home. The mansion was that home and you loved every second of it. Your fire wielding powers were dangerous but exciting and with the help of the teachers you sort of learned how to train them.
But for some reason you didn't get some cool fire nickname you got stuck with Jinx. It's not your fault that bad things just happen around you. Really. You don't do anything to cause them on purpose but the bad luck seems to just follow you where ever you go.
You got the nickname after you managed to break the fountain. Seriously though how can that be so fragile. All you did was kick a soccer ball and you might have taken its head off.
Bad things just seemed to happen over and over again. You might have set fire to some curtains. Or the carpet. Or smashed a vase or two.
Even when you graduated and became a teacher things just happened. Missing papers, breaking pencils, the ceiling caves in because a family of fat racoons decided to make their home there. Things that were out of your control just happened.
So they called you Jinx. Was it lovingly? Maybe.
No one has kicked you out yet so that's a good sign. They do tend to avoid standing too close to you though. Which honestly is for the best.
It was a commotion in the main lobby that catches your attention today. The sound of a gruff voice peaks your interest. Peering into the room you see Rogue and Storm talking to a man.
"It's good to see you Logan." Oh! Wolverine.
You missed his first stop by the mansion. You were off doing something else for Charles when he was brought here originally and you were supposed to fly back to help as usual. You flight got canceled due to weather. So by the time you came back he had already gone.
You heard Rouge gossiping with the other students about him. She mentioned he was handsome but fuck he was even better than you thought.
You lean forward a little more and end up losing your balance and falling flat on your face. The three of them look at you and you wave, trying to save yourself some embarrassment. You can see Logan looking at you with a raised eyebrow.
"Jinx! Come meet Logan." Rogue calls you over and you stand up. Brushing yourself off as you walk over.
"Nice to meet you Logan." You hold out your hand but he just looks at it.
"Jinx?" He says instead. A smirk on his face as he speaks.
"It's a nickname, don't you have one too Wolverine?" He chuckles and you have hope that you're charming enough. Most of the time something really unlucky happens when you meet someone for the first time.
"Will I see you around Jinx?" If you didn't know better you'd say he was flirting.
He steps closer to you and you stumble back in surprise. He's intimidating with his broad shoulders and animal like grin. You let out a small scream as you trip on your feet and fall backwards. Right into Scott. Scott falls like a domino and you hear a crack.
"Scott! Are you okay?!" You rush to his side but suddenly a beam of energy shoots through his eyes.
You feel someone grab your arm and pull you away from him. Ducking your head as the beam shoots into the door. Scott closes his eyes but the damage is already done. The front doors of the beautiful mansion were destroyed. Everyone waits in silence as Charles appears from his office holding an extra pair of glasses for Scott.
"I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to bump into you." Apologies tumble out of your mouth as Scott fixes his new glasses.
"Don't worry about it, It was an accident Jinx." He places a hand on your shoulder and smiles but you can tell you fucked up. Again. You smile back but it falls once he leaves.
"I'm sorry about your door Professor." You mumble as you look at the destruction.
"It's alright, we'll get it fixed." You slowly walk off, letting people asses the damage.
You pass by Logan who watches you as you slink back to your room. You had hoped that maybe you could have gotten to know Logan before he found out how you got your nickname.
So much for first impressions.
2. In the kitchen
The next time you encounter Logan is in the kitchen. Despite your inherent unluckiness you still loved to cook. Sure you had cuts and burns from all your attempts but your dishes ended up pretty good. You're making a stew this time. Band aids are already on some of your fingers as you stir the pot.
"Smells good." You let out a scream as you drop the spoon into the soup. The fridge opens up and you see Logan rummaging through the shelves.
"Beer's behind the peas." You mumble as you try and fish out the spoon.
"Ow!" You hiss as you burn yourself again.
The hot metal spoon burned your hand. Logan watches as you put your hand under the sink and put some cold water on it.
"Ironic I know, the mutant with fire powers burns herself when cooking." You mutter catching his amused look.
He walks over and takes your hand, pressing his cold beer to the small burn. You sigh as the cold drink sends relief through your hand. You get a better look at Logan like this.
He's just dressed in jeans and a tank top. His muscles are practically bulging through the already stretchy fabric. He's got this dangerous aura around him that makes you hesitant at first. Not to mention the whispers about him. How violent he could be, the things he’s done. Everything he’s been through. But you didn’t care.
"So is Jinx because your clumsy?" He asks as he checks on your burn.
"Kind of, more like unlucky things just seem to happen to me I guess." Your eyes are focused on where Logan's hand is holding your wrist.
His hands are rough but his touch feels so nice. His grip is firm but not enough to hurt you. The fact that he's even helping you is bizarre. Anyone else would just chalk it up to you and let you deal with it yourself.
"I'm surprised you haven't run for the hills yet. You know, the first day you meet me I end up destroying the door." To your surprise Logan laughs.
"Technically Scott destroyed the door." He counters.
"Yeah well I broke his glasses." You take your hand away from his beer and turn your attention back to the soup.
For some reason Logan doesn't leave. He watches you as you cook and you like the company. You tense as you feel him get closer to you. His chest almost against your back as he peers over your shoulder. He's so close. You take a wooden spoon this time and stir the soup. Lifting a little bit to your lips.
"Can I have a taste?" Logan asks.
You turn your head to find his face incredibly close to yours. Really close. So close that you can barely focus on anything other than his lips. You don't notice the burner getting more intense as all your focus is on Logan.
"Shit!" Logan hisses as the soup practically explodes all over the kitchen. Soup splatters every possible place including your clothes. Making a massive mess.
"Dammit!" You turn down the burner and see if there's anything left you can salvage but there's nothing. You must have caused the burner to go haywire.
"I'm sorry Logan." You say defeatedly as you wipe soup from your forehead. Logan takes his thumb and wipes the soup off your cheek.
"Tasty." He says as he licks his thumb. He doesn’t break eye contact. Enjoying the effect he’s having on you.
You stand with your mouth open as he walks off like he didn't just do that. The flames on the burner get bigger once again and you turn it off. You grab the roll of paper towels and start to clean.
The faint touch of Logan's thumb still on your mind.
3. In the garage
After your kitchen disaster you found yourself wandering the mansion instead. It had been a couple weeks but you decided to avoid the kitchen for now. Now you had too much free time on your hands. That's how you ended up here, in the garage. Except this time it was you who found Logan. He was working on his motorcycle. Shirtless. Okay that's totally normal right? You think to yourself as you sit and watch.
"When did you learn how to ride?" You ask as you watch him screw in something to somewhere, you don't know too much about motorcycles.
"Long time ago." He answers gruffly as he wipes his forehead with a rag.
"Like ten, twenty, a million years ago?" Logan chuckles and stands up. Your eyes trace the veins on his arms as he puts his hands on his hips.
"More like a hundred." He sits on his bike and turns it on. He's double checking everything and notices you looking in awe.
"You ever ridden before?" He asks and you shake your head.
"Alright then come here." He gestures for you to get on and you perk up. He gets off and holds the handle bars, letting you get on. You're extra careful. This bike looked expensive and Logan had just spent hours working on it. The last thing you wanted to do was jinx things. Again.
"Woah." You giggle as you run your hands along the smooth metal.
"So you put one foot here and the other stays on the floor." He guides you gently and you do as he says. You place your hands next to his on the handlebars.
"When I was a kid I this bike. It was purple with a basket in the front." You tell him. You loved that bike. Rode it whenever you could. You had the bruises to prove it from the amount of times you fell off.
"I rode it into a bush once. Got these bumps all over my skin." Logan takes his hands off the bike leaving just you holding it up.
"Well it's no purple bike, but I can take you on a ride one day. There's this diner about twenty minute away if you’re interested.” He offers. You grin and tighten your grip on the handles.
"Sounds like you're asking me on a date." You say boldly.
Before Logan could say anything there's a loud bang. Backfire from something but it scares the hell out of you. Without thinking you heat up the bike and jump off of it. Logan tries to grab it but the handles burn his hand. You watch in horror as it falls on its side. You try to stop it but it only ends up landing on your foot.
"Fuck!" You grab your foot as pain shoots through your body. That thing is heavy. Logan clutches his hand for a second before the burn heals. He picks up the bike and kicks the stand open so it can stay up on its own. Your eyes brim with tears when you see the dirty and scratches that have ruined the newly cleaned shiny metal.
"Logan I'm so sorry." He sighs and walks over to you.
"Your foot okay?" It hurts but it's not broken. You try to set it down but you can't. The pain is too much. You try to hide it but he sees right through you.
"Let's get you to the lab." You try to protest but he doesn't listen. Helping you out of the garage and to the lab. Ignoring the fact that you just caused him even more trouble. As you get patched up he leaves. You hang your head low as you think of a way to make it up to him.
Later that night Logan can't sleep. The nightmares don’t let him. So he makes his way back down to the garage. He needs to start over on fixing his bike anyways. As he approaches the door be notices the lights already on. To his surprise he finds you there. Fast asleep with your head on a chair.
You're body is uncomfortably kneeling on the ground. Your foot is wrapped and there's crutches leaning against the wall. There's rags and wax sitting by your side and his bike looks brand new. He kneels down and shakes you awake.
"Hey there sweetheart." He says as you open your eyes.
You mumble something incoherent and shut your eyes. Logan bends down and picks you up in his arms. He carries you back to your bed laying a blanket over you as you melt into your pillows. He elevates your foot before he leaves. People may call you a Jinx but you've got a heart of gold. He goes back to the garage and cleans up everything, making a mental note to take you on that date when you're foot is better.
4. Ice Skating
It took a month for your foot to finally heal up. Broken no, fractured, yes. It was a pain trying to get around on crutches but Logan ended being your own personal transportation. He would help you get down the stairs, reach the high shelf, drive you to the store. Whatever you needed he was there.
He even took you to that diner. Sharing a milkshake and cheese fries. He looked past your nickname, sure he called you Jinx but when he did it felt sweeter. He had seen your unluckiness first hand and yet he still chooses to be by your side. It was all you ever wanted.
Sure you had friends at the mansion but you could tell they thought of you as a small burden, a nuisance. They were still kind to you but you always saw their faces when something went wrong. With Logan there was none of that. He embraced every part of you. Now with your foot all healed and the winter starting to settle over the mansion you were all clear for winter activities.
Your favorite one being ice skating. A large pond was the perfect place for you and some of the kids to go. Logan had tagged along but only did so because you begged him to go. Pretty please with a cherry on top was enough to get him to chaperone.
You skated along with some of the kids. Others had set up an ice hockey game. It was pure childhood joy. Something that these kids didn't get all the time. Logan was sitting on a bench by the edge of the pond just watching. You skated over and put your hands on your hips.
"Come on Logan, you can't just come to the lake and not skate." You whine. He raises an eyebrow and stays put on that bench.
"I don't do skating sweetheart, or lakes."
"Ten minutes, just ten minutes and I'll leave you alone." You pout and clasp your hands together. He stares at you for a moment before relenting.
"Fine." You let out a happy cheer as he laces up the pair of skates you got for him. You hold out your hands as Logan struggles to balance on the skates.
"See, you're a natural." Logan wobbles and lets out a string of curses as he tries to walk on ice.
"Shut up." He says with no bite in his voice.
Your fingers interlock with his hand as you start slow. This was hell for Logan but seeing your smile made it worth it. You skate around the lake with him, laughing when he glares at the kids who laugh at him. Seeing him so out of his element was funny.
"Okay that's it I'm done." He grunts out as you come to a stop near the middle of the lake.
"Thank you for trying." You know he's not really having fun but it meant a lot he was willing to even get on the ice for you.
"Teacher! Jinx!" A loud cry comes from the kids. You gasp as you notice the ice starting to crack. You made sure the ice was thick enough. You triple checked how could this be happening. You see Logan start to panic so you take action.
"Everyone stay calm!" You yell out.
"If you can make it off now then do it. If you're too far away then I need you to get on your stomach and spread your legs out. Then slowly crawl to the edge. Anyone who is off the lake help pull others to safety." You stay as calm as you can as you make sure everyone is safe. To your relief the ice stays intact as the kids make it off. Now it's just you and Logan. There's fear in his eyes as the cracking gets louder.
"We need to do the same thing Logan. It's going to be okay." The two of you get onto your stomachs and army crawl towards the edge. A student with super speed has already gone to get help thank goodness.
"Fuck." Logan panics as the ice starts to give way. You grab his hand as he starts to freeze.
"It's okay it's okay." You're close to the edge but not close enough.
You yelp as the ice breaks and both of you plunge into the water. You try to keep your grip onto Logan but he's sinking fast. The water is bringing back horrible, horrible memories as he struggles to breathe. Your head barely bobs above the surface as you see familiar faces running towards you.
Water fills your lungs as you scream when Logan's claws nick your arm. He plunges them into the dirt. Trying to pull himself up and out. Your body is becoming numb and every movement hurts. A pair of hands drag you out of the water. You cough violently as you grip onto the frozen grass. Trying to catch your breath. Logan's eyes are wide as he does the same.
"Are you okay?" You reach out to him but he snaps.
"Don't touch me!" He snarls and your heart plummets. His eyes are unfamiliar as his teeth bare like an animal. For the first time since you've met him he's angry with you. Really fucking angry.
"I'm sorry I..."
"I'm sorry Logan, I didn't mean to scratch your bike, I didn't mean to explode the fucking soup. Is that all you can say?!" He shoves off the people trying to help and stands up. His face cold and unforgiving as he looks down on your shivering body.
"You really are a fucking Jinx." You let out a sob as Logan walks away.
A fluffy blanket feels like ice against your skin as you're ushered back to the mansion. You hear Storm trying to talk to you but everything sounds like white noise. Your heart is stomped and crushed right in front of your eyes and you can't even blame him.
You're nothing but bad luck.
5. On a mission
There's no more accidents around the mansion anymore. Probably because you've locked yourself away since the ice skating incident. With the school on a break you didn't need to teach so all you did was stay in your room. Only leaving in the dead of night.
You just couldn't face the mansion anymore. You were embarrassed, upset, and heartbroken. Logan was supposed to be different. You wanted things to be different with him but apparently the universe decided you can have nothing good. It was only a matter of time before he saw the truth. His words repeat in your head over and over.
The anger, the fear. You caused that. Students and teachers alike would stop by your door but no one could get you out of your room. Sometimes you swear you hear the sound of his boots outside of your door. But he just stands there and then he leaves.
You can't cause any more problems if you stay here. Only issues for yourself and that's okay. Professor Xavier would pop into your head every now and then just to check up on you but this time what he needed was urgent.
The moment you walked through his office doors you could feel everyone's eyes on you. Especially a certain someone's who’s brooding in the corner of the room. Even with everyone here he's just overwhelming. You keep yours forward, not sparing a glance to him or to anyone.
"Thank you for joining us." Charles smiles warmly.
Apparently there's a mission and they need your help. Why they would send you out there you don't know. The targets had a fire mutant too and the best way to fight fire is with, well with more fire. The moment you stepped on the jet you could feel the nerves.
Everyone was worried something would go wrong with you around. Keeping your eyes glued to the ground you take a seat as far away from everyone as possible. Counting your fingers over and over as you wait to land. Someone makes there way over to you, their boots are oh so familiar.
"Hey." You look up to see Logan. He's holding onto the seat next to you for dear life.
"Don't worry I'm not gonna touch anything." You mumble as you try and somehow make yourself smaller.
"Listen I just wanted to talk." The plane jolts and Logan slams his fist against the wall. He freezes up again, fear creeping up onto his face. Just like on that frozen lake.
"We're hitting some turbulence. Logan you need to sit down." Scott commands.
Logan's lips turn into a growl but he sits down anyway. His hands clutching the armrests of the chair. Apart of you wants to go and comfort him but you would probably just make things worse. So you close your eyes and wait for it to be over. The turbulence calms and eventually the jet lands with everything and everyone unharmed.
The goal was to shutdown a group of mutant hunters and rescue their victims. The worst part was they had mutants on their side too. Good money you guessed. It shouldn't be too hard of a mission but knowing yourself anything could go wrong. You followed the team in, fighting with everything you had.
Logan had stuck by your side since you got here. Keeping his distance but always watching you. His super senses and metal claws made him their number one target. Suppress the Wolverine. They were no match for him though. But Logan's focus seemed to wane as they sent more people after him. A mutant who could make copies of himself did their best to confuse and take Logan down.
"Watch out!" You shout and Logan dodges another attack.
However you get shoved to the ground before you can say anything else. You send a blast of fire at your attacker but they wave it off. So this is the other mutant. The two of you become locked in combat. Fire meeting fire with no clear winner. It isn't until Jean’s voice shouts through your comms that you find the upper hand. They had found the kids and were bringing them back to the ship. It was a losing battle and you think the hunters were staring to realize that. Calling for a retreat.
You can't let them get away. If they get away then all of this is for nothing. They'll rebuild, they'll hurt more people. You notice a gas tank nearby by their vehicle. You were always good at making things explode. Usually on accident but fuck it, might as well try on purpose now.
"Get to safety and get out of here!" You run past the team as you chase after the retreating foes.
"Where the hell are you going?!" Logan calls as he helps a kid get onto the jet.
You ignore him, running as fast as you can. Just one big blast should get that thing exploding. God this was so stupid but its the only thing you can think of. You fucked up the door, you made a mess of the kitchen, you hurt Logan. All you do is ruin things. You're a Jinx and for once you can try and do something good. Even if it kills you.
As the car starts to drive past you channel all your power and launch it at the gas tank. For a second its like everything is in slow motion. You hear Logan roar, turning back only to see him running towards you. Suddenly everything gets really hot and then.
Nothing.
In the medbay
The first thing you feel when you can finally feel things again was how uncomfortable you were. An itchy blanket, itchy arms. Your back hurt and your head was killing you. When you opened your eyes all you see are the bandages wrapped around your arms and legs.
There were cards and flowers sitting on your bedside table and to your left was Logan. He's got his feet up on your bed and he was squished into a chair. His head bowed and his arms crossed. You try to sit up but start to wheeze. The heart monitor starts to beep wildly and Logan jolts awake.
"Sit back down." He pushes you back onto the bed and you try and breathe. After a little bit your heart rate steadies and Logan seems to calm down.
"What happened?" You ask and Logan clenches his jaw.
"You blew yourself up that's what fucking happened." Your memories were slowly getting pieced together.
"I blew up the gas tank. I wanted to stop them from escaping." You say as you recount what led you to the hospital bed.
"Well you stopped them and then almost killed yourself in the process. You had severe burns, a concussion, you were bleeding everywhere. I picked you up in my arms and you were coated in blood." He growls.
The words I'm sorry almost fall out of your mouth but you remember what Logan said that day on the lake. If you're being honest you aren't sorry either. You did what you thought you had to do.
"I'm a Jinx Logan. You said it yourself. I used my destruction to help this time." Logan winces when you remind him of his harsh words.
He wasn't in the right state of mind when he said them. Flashbacks of drowning, of the pain he went through. Being submerged in water and sinking were usually the scenes of his nightmares and for it to happen in real life. It was awful. But that doesn't change the fact he lashed out, he hurt you.
"I was wrong. I shouldn't have said that." Logan gently brushes the bandages on your arms. The scar from when he cut your arm in the lake peeks out from your bandages. He let his fear get the best of him in the water.
"I've hurt a lot of people, sometimes on purpose. Sometimes on accident.” His eyes never leaving your scar. “You’re not a Jinx. You’re perfect.”
"I still make a mess." Logan cups your face and studies a stitched up wound on your forehead.
God when that gas tank exploded. Even he was blown back by the force. He ran to your still body. Ash and pieces of metal were scattered across the field. You're lucky you didn't get fucking impaled. Your body was limp. Dirt and blood caked your face so much that he couldn't tell where you were hurt.
He carried you back to the jet, your blood staining his suit as he laid you down. He listened for your heartbeat for a second he swore it stopped. The longest second of his life as he waited to hear that soft beating.
"Why are you still here?" You just don't understand. How he can be sitting here after everything you've done. All the problems you caused.
"A little mess isn't gonna scare me sweetheart, I like your mess. I like you." He tilts your chin up and kisses you. You're taken by surprise but it's certainly welcome as your eyes flutter closed.
The heart rate monitor starts to beep faster as Logan leans over you. Your fingers rake through his hair as you pull him closer. Logan's grip tightens on the hospital bed railing. He's too lost in the taste of your lips to notice. You tug on his hair and his claws shoot out, cutting one of your IV wires.
A loud beeping blares through the room as Logan jumps back from you. You cover your mouth and laugh. Not even in your sweetest moments can you catch a break. Logan sheaths his claws and shakes his head in disbelief, joining in your laughter.
Jean rushes in with a panicked look on your face. It morphs into confusion when she sees the two of you laughing as your IV drips to the ground. She quickly fixes your IV and gives both of you a scolding for not letting anyone know you were awake.
"Keep your hands and claws to yourself. I'll be back later Jinx." She eyes Logan who puts his hands up. Smirking at you as she leaves.
"You know we could call you something else." Logan suggests. You think for a while before shaking your head.
"I think I like it." It reminds you of your faults yes but this has something that's followed you for the longest time.
You supposedly bring bad luck but you can try and counteract it every day by doing something nice. Plus maybe with Logan your luck might turn around. Maybe. As long as you steer clear of any lakes.
"Alright, but I think sweetheart has a nice ring to it." He says with a grin.
"Oh you want everyone to call me sweetheart?" You tease. Logan leans over and kisses you again.
"No. Only I get to call you that." Bad luck you may bring but Logan doesn't care.
You're a Jinx but you're his jinx and he loves every part of you. The good and the bad. So what's a little bad luck? If it means he gets to be yours then he'd happily be your lucky charm for the rest of your lives.
171 notes
·
View notes
Text
⋆⭒˚.⋆ I like(?) Haechan ⋆⭒˚.⋆
summary: you and Haechan are too close and Jaehyun finally admits that he’s just a tiny bit jealous
(cw: f!reader, cursing, alcohol consumption, relationship insecurities)
Fratboy!Jaehyun never in his life ever thought that there would even be the fraction of a chance that there would ever be the possibility that he would ever- not in this life, or the next, or even his past lives- that he would EVER be jealous of Lee Haechan. But as he stood in Haechan's doorway, staring at his girlfriend, his fucking sweetheart in Haechan's bed, he started to think that the green eyed monster had finally successfully possessed him.
It hadn't started off like this and he can admit that this situation he's glaring at half asleep is all his fault, but there are events that led up to this envious possession.
The first time he had felt a little weird about you and Haechan was the first time you came over as his official girlfriend and immediately came in to hug Haechan before you even hugged Jaehyun, you know, your boyfriend. You had a bright, excited smile as you ran right past Taeyong, who had so kindly answered the door, and pulled Haechan into your embrace. Jaehyun shook it off because as soon as you were done with Haechan you were in Jaehyun's lap covering his face with kisses.
Then there was a party that had gone on far too long. Yes, Jaehyun is proud, they partied until like 5 in the morning, like, fuck, come on! That was a frat record! And sure yes, Jaehyun had been a little drunk (very drunk) (totally Johnny's fault) when he looked over and saw you, all buzzed and tired and cuddly on the couch, tilting over sleepily until your head was resting on Haechan's shoulder. Haechan didn't flinch, didn't act surprised, simply laid his head on top of yours and fell asleep too.
Then it just seemed to be a lot of little instances that jumped out in Jaehyun's mind now at 2 in the morning. Now, he's starting to hate the way that Haechan only posts a story for Jaehyun's birthday, but you get a post on the grid and multiple stories throughout the year? Jaehyun hates the way that you and Haechan have inside jokes and refuse to explain them to him.
And right now he fucking abhors that you are sleeping in Haechan's bed! Like ok, yes, Jaehyun did take a couple gummy melatonin vitamins so he was sleeping extra deeply, and yes, he did accidentally kick you off the bed shortly after he accidentally elbowed you in the nose, but did you have to go to Haechan's room? Well, not only that but also sleep in his bed-- with him there?!
Jaehyun trudged over to the bed and begins to shake you like there's a fire in the house and you need to wake up now! You wake up with a gasp, eyes flying open while you look around for the disaster. Instead, you find Jaehyun standing there with a frown on his face and his arms crossed.
"What's happening?" You ask in that cute, groggy voice of yours.
"You're not in my bed."
"Baby," you sigh, laying down again, "you elbowed me in the nose and kicked me off the bed. I'm tired and I want to sleep."
"You're sleeping with Haechan."
"I'm sleeping next to him. He runs hot and I have my warm pajamas on tonight."
Jaehyun hates that you know Haechan runs hot when he sleeps. Jaehyun groans under his breath and tugs on your hand, "come back to bed."
"Fine, but if you kick me off the bed again, I'm not going to anyone else's room, I'm going home," you huff as you throw the covers off. Haechan remains deeply asleep, none the wiser to what's happening around him.
Back in Jaehyun's bed, he has you embraced so tightly against his chest that your ear is starting to hurt against his muscular chest. The house is silent, probably as quiet as you've ever heard it, but you can practically hear the cogs in his brain whirring and it's driving you crazy. "What's wrong?" you ask softly.
Jaehyun wants to say how well you know him, but in reality, it's one of the things he loves most about you. "I don't want this to become anything bigger than it is, but... god! I think--I think I'm jealous of Haechan," Jaehyun shyly breathes out. Great, it's out there, one of his biggest insecurities is out in the universe.
You pop your head up, your chin resting on his chest as you look into his eyes with a cute furrow of your brow, "Jealous of Haechan?"
Jaehyun runs a hand down his face, how can he best say this? How can he phrase this so he doesn't sound like an insecure, jealous little boy? "Maybe... I'm just jealous of how-- how close the two of you are. I just-- all the little things you guys do with each other like throw me off. Like posting each other all the time, sharing a bed, falling asleep on each other and he cuddles you! You kiss his cheeks and he tells you things he would never tell me!"
Your thumb rubs away at the line between his brows with a soft gentleness that immediately has Jaehyun calming down. He loves the way you know him. You smile at him softly, "I want you to know that there is no way Haechan would ever come between the two of us, ever. I have a soft spot for him, yeah. In some ways he's like a younger brother and in other ways he's one of my girlfriends. What I do with him isn't anything I wouldn't do with Ari or Kira. He's even told me I've gotten too comfortable talking about my periods with him, he hates that."
Jaehyun laughs softly at that and you smile back, continuing, "I think, maybe... just maybe... you might be a little jealous that Haechan isn't as open with you?"
Jaehyun guffaws, his mouth literally drops open, "I don't want that little shit bag close to me in any way! Having him in the same frat is already too close!"
"Think about it, baby, you don't have siblings, but you have your brothers here. Haechan is about as 'younger brother' as they come and you're getting the full experience. I think that you're maybe feeling a little hurt or frustrated that you don't have as deep a connection with him as you'd like. Which I totally get, he grows on you kind of like eczema, so annoying at first and then you just grow to get used to it and handle it the best way you've learned," you explain, ending it all with a yawn.
Again, deep, deep, deep, deep... deep down Jaehyun knows you're right. You know him probably better than anyone on the face of the planet. Right now, he's not ready to admit that he wants to treat Haechan like a real brother.
"I kind of hate when you use your three semesters of psychology on me," Jaehyun tells you, rubbing a lulling hand up and down your back.
"It has to pay off somehow, right? But hey, your secret is safe with me."
"Yeah, I think I'd rather rush Alpha Sig than ever admit I want to be close with... gah! I can't even say it!" Jaehyun exclaims with an over exaggerated shudder.
"Be nice, you love him a little bit," you respond as your eyes finally start falling shut again.
"Like him a little bit, more like,"Jaehyun grumbles before closing his own eyes with the hope that when he wakes up this will all be a nightmare.
#kpop imagines#kpop au#kpop scenarios#kpop reactions#nct imagines#nct x reader#nct fluff#nct timestamps#nct oneshot#fratboy!jaehyun#frat!jaehyun#frat!nct#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun imagines#jaehyun fluff#jaehyun oneshot
118 notes
·
View notes
Text
Doing It All For Us (Pt. 10)
Masterlist
Rafe Cameron x Reader
Summary: Rafe is safe for now, and their crazy kinks come out once again
Warnings: Language, fighting, smut, blood kink, pregnancy
Word Count: 4.4k+
And just like that, your world came crashing down around you.
You swallow hard, trying to comprehend what Rafe has just said to you. He's staring at you, waiting for you to say something but the words just wouldn't come.
Rafe tried to hold back tears. This was it. You were going to leave him. He was going to prison and he would lose you and his baby and everything that brought him any ounce of happiness in his life.
"Y-you...shot..."You muttered. "I-is she dead?"
"I don't know," His voice was barely above a whisper.
You squeeze your eyes shut and take a deep breath. "What happened, exactly, Rafe?" You finally managed.
"She was going to arrest my dad. S-she had the gun pointed at him. I-I had to save him, Y/N." He was crying again.
"What? Why was she arresting your dad?"
"John B said Ward killed his dad."
"What the fuck?" You whisper to yourself as you lean back against the frame of Rafe's bed, leaning your head in your hands.
You knew something had happened when Ward took John B fishing. He had come back with a gaff hook wound on his arm claiming John B attacked him. You really didn't stick around to listen to what happened. You were trying to keep your stress levels down but that obviously wasn't happening anymore.
"Where's your dad?"
"He was still at the tarmac. He told me to bring Sarah home. She saw everything..."
"Shit."
"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I fucked up. I panicked, I didn't want my dad to get hurt and I-"
"Shh, baby. I know." You tell him, pulling his face to yours. "I know."
"A-are gonna leave me?" His voice was so pitiful, cracking as he spoke. The sound broke your heart.
"No. I told you, Rafe. Forever. You and me against the world." You told him before pressing your lips to his.
He brought his hands up, tangling his fingers in your hair as he pulled you deeper into the kiss. He couldn't believe it. The fact that you were still here. Still here after he just made the biggest mistake of his life. One that could land him in a jail cell forever.
"Listen to me," You told him as you pulled away. You were way more calm than you should have been, but seeing Rafe freak out somehow helped you to keep your head on straight. "We need to talk to Ward. Find out what happened after you left the tarmac."
Rafe nods between your hands. "Okay."
"We'll figure something out, okay?"
"I-I can't lose you and our baby."
"You won't. I promise you you won't."
-
You and Rafe sat silently in Ward's office as you waited for him to return home. Rafe looked over old photos and awards hung up on the walls, smiling as he ran his fingers over a photo of him and his father.
You watch him sadly. The hold Ward had over him. Rafe just wanted to be accepted and the lack of love Ward had given him has now landed him in the worst possible situation.
Rafe sat down beside you with the picture.
"You look so handsome," You tell him, resting your chin on his shoulder.
He smiles at you. He always blushed when you called him handsome.
Ward walks in the room and your stomach drops. He stares at you both for a moment before sighing and closing the door. You're trying your best to remain calm but your head was flooded with anxiety. Flooded with thoughts of all the worst possible outcomes.
"Is...she alive?" Rafe asks.
Ward shakes his head.
"No?"
"No."
You clench your jaw and take in a deep breath.
"Okay," Rafe said, trying to calm himself as he could feel the anxiety return to his body. "Okay."
You place a hand on Rafe's bicep, rubbing his skin lightly to try and calm him down.
"What did you tell the cops? Are they coming here?" Rafe asks.
Ward walks to his desk, pouring himself a glass of whiskey before responding. "I told them John B did it."
"Told 'em John B did it..." Rafe repeated his father's words, pondering the idea. "That's good. Yes, that could work!"
You bit your lip as you watched Rafe start to get manic.
"Rafe. I need you to go to your room. Take a shower okay? Get cleaned up. If anyone asks, you were here all day okay? You were doing maintenance on The Druthers." Ward says, glancing to you. You nod your head in agreement.
"No. No, Rose knows I wasn't here." Rafe argued.
"I will talk to Rose."
"What-what about Sarah?" Rafe asks, standing up now.
"What about Sarah?" Ward asks.
"Sarah, listen, Sarah has a big mouth okay?"
"You're sister isn't going to do anything to hurt us."
"No, no, no you didn't see her in the car okay? She was freaking out!" Rafe argues back. You could hear the stress in his voice. "I have a suggestion-"
"Rafe! Stop it! I don't need your help. I didn't need it then and I don't need it now. I just need to think! So please, go clean up!" Ward was yelling now. You could see the pain on Rafe's face.
"You understand, right? Rafe said sadly. "You understand?"
"Understand what, Rafe?"
"Why I did it."
You sat silently, biting back tears. Ward turned to look at Rafe once again.
"You were in trouble and I was protecting you. Okay? Me, dad. Rafe. Not Sarah, okay? It was me!"
You couldn't help but cry now as you watched tears spill from his eyes. This wasn't his fault. You couldn't blame him for what he did. He was so broken.
Rafe backed away as Ward walked towards him. "Sorry," Rafe said softly, nervous of what his dad was going to do next.
Ward slowly pulled Rafe to him. "I know, come here. Come on, come on, bud."
You watched Rafe's face. He was shocked at the fact that his dad was hugging him. But he hugged him back tightly.
"Come on, bud, I'm sorry. I love you. I love you, Rafe. So much."
Rafe smiled at his dad's words. You couldn't help but watch them with sorrow in your eyes. The way his father's approval made him glow. How could Ward not see how special his son was?
"Listen, everything is going to be okay. We will figure it out." Ward promises.
You stand up and grab Rafe's hand. He wraps his arms around you tightly.
"Y/N-" Ward begins.
"Maintenance on The Druthers." You nod. "I'm all in."
Ward offers a sad smile. He's obviously upset that the three of you were now involved in this mess. But he was going to protect his son at all costs and make sure he gets the chance to be a father himself.
-
You and Rafe move in silence. The events of the day heavy on your mind. He pulls you into the shower with him and the two of you just stand there holding each other as you let the warm water wash away your worries.
The feeling of his skin on yours had you crying silently. You don't know what you'd do without him. He trailed the tips of his fingers over your spine and you drag your acrylics up and down his back.
Rafe moved a hand to your stomach, brushing over it softly. You didn't need to speak. Neither of you did. You could feel how much Rafe loved you and your unborn child. You clung to him tightly, reminding him you were still there. That you and Wolf were still there.
Rafe turned the shower off and wrapped you up in a towel, drying you off before he grabbed your favorite lotion and made sure he rubbed it over every inch of your body. You melted under his touch. The way his fingers traced the contours of your skin. The way he worshipped every part of your body, placing kisses all along your limbs.
He scooped you up and carried you to his bed. He went to his dresser and pulled out a shirt for you to wear. You slid it on, clutching the fabric tightly because it smelled like him.
He pulled on some boxers and climbed into bed beside you before grabbing his remote and flipping through the horror movie section.
He decided on Sinister, knowing it was one of your favorites. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close. You snaked your legs between his and clung to him like a Boa Constrictor.
He ran his fingers through your wet hair as you concentrated on your movie. He never cared for horror, but he loved watching you get so focused. He worked on detangling each knot in your hair, silently praying that everything would turn out okay. He'd just murdered someone today. A cop. The Sheriff. And somehow, you were still here in his arms.
"You're with a murderer." Rafe whispered against your forehead. The guilt was starting to set in.
"I'm with Rafe Cameron." You responded. "A man that protects what he loves at all costs."
You could feel his tears fall on your face as he hugged your closer.
"Me and Wolf will always be safe with you." You reassured him. And it was true. Rafe loves with his whole heart. If he could get past your flaws you could get past his. He killed someone, yes, but to protect his father. You know he'd kill for you and his baby too.
You felt 100% safe wrapped up in Rafe's arms. Nothing would take you from him.
-
You woke up early. A lot earlier than Rafe. You crawled out of bed and pulled on your jeans. You placed a kiss on Rafe's forehead before sneaking out of his room, desperate for some food. The baby was hungry to say the least.
You could hear Ward and Sarah talking down the hall. You stood outside Sarah's room and listened.
"He shot her!"
"You have to pick between John B or your family!" Ward responded. "Nothing is going to happen to Rafe."
Ward walked out of her room, closing the door and locking it. He spotted you, giving you a look of concern.
"Let me out!" You could hear Sarah pound on the door.
"Why are you locking her in there?" Wheezie asked as she rounded the corner.
"Listen, there was an accident and your sister is very upset so we need to give her some time to calm down." Ward told her.
"Did something happen to the baby?" Wheezie asked, turning to you.
"No!" You told her. "The baby, is just fine, Wheeze." You smile at her. "Let's go have breakfast, yeah?" You ask her, leading her downstairs. You glance back at Ward with a warning look. Telling him he needs to get Sarah under control.
You and Wheezie sit at the kitchen table, nibbling on bacon and talking about the boys in her class.
Rafe rushes into the kitchen. He'd managed to put on sweats but no shirt. He lets out a sigh of relief when he sees you.
"Baby, where'd you go?"
"I'm having breakfast with Wheezie," You say, pulling him in for a kiss. "Baby was hungry."
He sits beside you, wrapping an arm around your stomach and the other around your neck. You offer him a piece of bacon and he takes it in one bite.
"Ew, do I have to be like you guys when I start dating?" Wheezie scoffs.
"You're not dating anyone, Wheeze." Rafe snaps.
You chuckle. "No. Never let a boy do something you're uncomfortable with."
Rafe was nuzzling into your neck now, placing wet kisses along your skin.
"Yuck," Wheezie scoffs. "I hope guys aren't like this."
"They are!" Rafe shouts as Wheezie gets up and walks away. "No boys!"
"You know, being all over me like this is gonna have her thinking all guys are like this." You scold.
"They are."
"Maybe at our age, but not at hers."
"No boys."
You roll your eyes as Rafe lays his head in your lap and wraps his arms around your waist, kissing your belly.
"Rafe, this is the kitchen," Rose scolds as she walks in the room.
Rafe groans and leans up. You laugh and go back to eating your breakfast, feeding Rafe some as well as he still keeps his hands on your stomach.
"They're looking for John B." Ward states as he walks in the kitchen. You and Rafe both look up. "There's a reward out for him. $25,000."
You smile. The island was buying it. John B killed Peterkin. Rafe was safe.
Rose knew. She knew Rafe had done it. But she'd never do anything to rat out this family. Especially since Rafe was going to be a father.
You and Rose had actually gotten quite close. She had a miscarriage at a young age. It was hard. But she was more than happy that you were pregnant and she was dead set on making sure you were eating good and taking care of yourself.
She loved her step children like her own. But Rafe was crazy, Sarah wanted to be a Pogue, and Wheezie spent a lot of time on TikTok. But you always gave Rose the time of day. You liked helping her water her flowers and discussing baby stuff and preparing dinner.
-
John B was almost caught the night prior when you, Rafe, and Kelce tried to smoke out the bell tower. But Topper chose to pick his undying love for Sarah and let John B and Sarah get away.
You had found Rafe outside in the morning, starting up his bike and talking to himself.
"Baby, what's going on?" You asked him, forcing him to calm down and look at you.
"Stay here, Y/N!" Rafe snapped at you before hopping on his bike and riding off.
Oh fuck no.
You ran inside and grabbed the keys to his truck. You hopped in, backing out of the driveway quickly. It wasn't long before you spotted Rafe. You slowed down, trailing behind a bit so he wouldn't notice you. You watched as he pulled into Barry's house.
"Goddammit." You muttered to yourself. You were not wanting to see Barry after what happened a month and a half ago. You were in your second trimester now. Pulling into this house gave you anxiety.
You park the truck and sigh. Finally pulling yourself out of the vehicle and heading inside.
"I'm 100% fucked man!" You heard Rafe yell.
"What the fuck is happening?" You ask as you swing open the screen door.
"Y/N," Rafe said. "Why the fuck are you here?!"
"Don't fucking snap at me, Rafe!"
Rafe shut his mouth. You scoffed and went and sat on Barry's couch.
"Look, how long do you think it's gonna take for them to find John B?" Barry asked. "And when they find him, he's gonna start snitchin'."
"You know it was John B that stole that 25k from you right?"
"Exactly my point, Country Club. The hammer's comin' down on them Pogues."
"Let's go get your fuckin' money then." You say, standing up from the couch.
"Y/N-" Rafe starts.
"Rafe, I swear to God, I will knock your ass out." Your hormones were making themselves known.
"I don't got time for you two to argue. Let's go!" Barry yells.
Rafe glances at you and you give him a stern look back before following him outside. He gives you his helmet as you climb on the back of his bike and wrap your arms tightly around him.
After riding around for a bit you stopped at an intersection as you watched a ton of cop cars drive by. "Shit, they're looking for him." You mutter.
"Yo, is that Kie?" Rafe asks as you see a familiar SUV drive past.
"There goes that lil bitch ass now!" Barry said and you all kicked off and followed Kie's car.
You all hopped off the bikes as you pulled up to an old garage. "Alright you two go around that way and I'll take 'em from over there." Barry says, directing you where to go. You nod and follow Rafe.
"Hey, there. What's goin' on? How you guys doing?" Rafe says as he enters the garage and walks towards Kiara. You stand off to the side and cross your arms, eyeing their movements as Barry holds a gun up to JJ.
God you wished you could fucking fight.
Barry took JJ down easily and you watched Rafe drag Kiara away. "It's not you we want, Kie, okay? Where's John B?"
"I don't know!" She screamed as she slapped him hard across the face.
You started forward, it took everything in you not to attack her.
"I know what you did! You murdered Peterkin!" Kiara yelled at him.
Shit. She knew. John B must have told her. You were too distracted by Kiara and Rafe to notice Pope sneak up behind you and hit you in the back of the knee with a tire iron.
You let out a loud cry as you feel to the floor, catching yourself just before your stomach made contact with the cement.
"Y/N!" Rafe yelled, but before he could get to you, Pope was hitting him.
JJ had tripped Barry, causing him to drop his gun and Kiara was quick to grab it, pointing it at you as you looked up at her from the ground.
You clenched your jaw angrily as you held your hands up in surrender.
"Don't touch her!" You could hear Rafe yell, trying to fight off Pope. "She's fucking pregnant, please! Please don't hurt her!"
Kiara's eyes went wide as she lowered the gun. "Pope, Pope! He's had enough dude!" JJ was yelling, trying to get Pope to release his grip on the cord wrapped around Rafe's neck.
"Rafe!" You cried, trying to get to your feet but the searing pain in your leg was preventing you from doing so.
"Pope, look at me!" Kiara screamed, finally getting Pope's attention as he let go of his hold on your boyfriend. "Come on, we gotta get out of here!"
You were crying now, crawling over to where Rafe was laying covered in blood. "Rafe, baby, are you okay?" You asked, holding his face in your hands.
He was breathing heavily and coughing, pulling you close to him. He clung to you, trying to catch his breath, placing a protective hand over your belly.
"I'm okay, Rafe. I promise." You tell him, cradling his head. "I'm okay."
After a few minutes, Rafe's finally able to sit up. "Where'd he hit you?" He asked.
"In the back of the leg. He didn't hit the baby. I promise." You reassure him.
"He's fucking dead."
"We'll get them, Rafe. Right now we gotta make a plan." You glance over to where Barry was picking himself up off the ground. "You good, Barry?"
"Yup!" Barry groans as he stands up and walks over to help Rafe up.
Rafe helped you up and wrapping his arm around your waist as you limped beside him, leading you out to the bikes. Rafe sat down and you wedged yourself between his legs as you looked over his injuries.
"Sheriff Peterkin, huh?" Barry laughed. "You're better than I thought, Country Club!"
You shoot daggers at Barry and he shuts up. You could tell he wanted to say some dumb shit but he bit it back.
"Look, we're gonna get John B, aight? I'll be in touch." Barry says before walking off towards his bike.
"Hey, baby, look at me." You say, taking Rafe's face between your hands and forcing him to make eye contact. You could tell he was on the verge of a break down.
"I let you get hurt. I put you in danger. I put our baby in danger." He said as he bit back tears.
"No you didn't Rafe. I'm the one who wanted to come. I was the one not paying attention."
"I'm supposed to protect you." He leans his head on your shoulder, pulling you closer by your belt loops.
"Rafey, you do. Shit happens sometimes."
He shakes his head.
"Hey, look at me!" You say again, forcing his head up. You bit your lip as you looked at him. The blood coating his skin did things to you. You wrapped your fingers through his hair at the base of his neck and pulled his head back. You ran your tongue up his neck to his chin, licking off the fresh blood that dripped from his wound.
You heard him groan at the sensation, tightening his grips on your hips as his shorts tightened.
You pressed your lips to his, letting your tongue slip into his mouth as you enjoyed the metallic taste that lingered there.
"Take me home, Rafe." You whispers against his lips.
-
Rafe pulled into your driveway and helped you off the bike. You'd been staying at the Cameron's for so long you were happy to be home.
You also didn't want to walk into Tannyhill bloody and limping, knowing there would be a plethora of questions about what happened.
You limped to your front door and fiddled with your keys.
"Baby, let me help you." Rafe says, taking your keys from you and helping you stand up.
Once you were inside Rafe picked you up and carried you to the couch. You both groaned in pain as you sat down.
"Do you feel okay?" Rafe asks.
"Yeah, baby. Are you okay?" You run your hand over the bruising on his face. He nods. "Take your shirt off."
He does as he's told and you examine the bruises forming on his back from where Pope had hit him with the tire iron. He winced in pain as you lightly pressed his skin.
"Sorry baby..." You said.
"It's okay," He mumbles. You bite your lip as your eyes scan his body. The bruising, the blood. You hated seeing him hurt but it fucking turned you on. "What?" He asks with a smirk.
You suddenly felt shy. You felt your cheeks blush as you smile up at your boyfriend. "Tell me what you need, princess," His voice was low as he smiled and moved on top of you, placing soft kisses on your neck.
Your breath hitched at the sensation. "You want my blood, huh, pretty girl?"
"Mhmm," You moan.
Rafe grabs your jaw, forcing your mouth open. You stick out your tongue as he lets his bloody saliva slip from his lips to yours. "Swallow." He demands and you happily oblige. You could feel the warmth at your core. "Good girl."
Rafe tugs at your shirt, pulling it off over your head, leaving you exposed to him. He brings his lips to your collar bone and sucks at your skin, surely leaving bruises.
"Fuck, Rafe..." You breathe.
He brings his hands to your breasts and massages roughly, flicking your nipple between his fingers and you could feel your need for him growing between your legs.
He left a trail of blood and bruises as he sucked and bit his way down your body. He stops at your stomach, placing a gentle kiss on the small bump starting to form. "You're so amazing," He whispers against your skin. "Carrying our baby."
You smile down at him lovingly, running your fingers through his shaggy hair. You watch as he unbuttons your shorts and slides them down your legs along with your panties. "I'm gonna make you feel so good, mama." He whispers, trailing bloody kisses up and down your thighs.
You gasp as he runs his tongue up the length of your core. He gets to work, circling your clit with his tongue. He pushes two fingers inside you and curls, hitting you in just the right spot as he pumps them in and out of you.
"Oh my - Rafe, fuck!" You cry, reaching your hands back to grip the top of the couch as you tried to steady yourself. Wrapping your legs around his head, you're sure he's suffocating but he just seems hungrier.
You could feel the knot form in the pit of your stomach as he flicked his tongue over your clit just right. He looked up and smiled as he watched you come undone. "Cum for me, baby girl."
The vibration of his words against your most sensitive area sent you over the edge. You couldn't control the way your legs shook as squirted in Rafe's mouth. He didn't stop, swallowing everything you offered him and licking you clean, sending you into overstimulation.
You laid speechless, trying to catch your breath. Rafe looked up at you with a shit eating grin, proud of himself for making you feel so good. Knowing he's the only one that's ever made you feel that good.
He crawled back on top of you, picking you up by they hips and laying you down on the couch beneath him. He sat up, quickly undoing his belt and shorts. You watched him, still trying to catch your breath from the intense orgasm you just experienced.
"You're my girl, you know that?" He asked you, grabbing your legs and pulling you towards him. He leaned over, lips hovering above yours as he lined himself up at your entrance. "My girl. Carrying my baby. Yeah?"
He was being possessive. Dominant. His eyes were crazy and you melted under his spell. "Yours." You promised.
He wrapped his fingers in your hair, cradling your head as he pressed his forehead to you. "My family..." He whispered, pushing into you slowly, allowing you to adjust to his size. "Mine."
You moaned, digging your nails into his shoulders. "I'm yours, Rafe. I'll always belong to you."
He groans into your neck as he pulls out and thrusts into you again. "Say it again,"
"I belong to you, Rafe Cameron."
He looks into your eyes as he thrusts into you harder. Small whimpers escape your lips as you stare back at him. The feeling of him inside you made you want to cry. Not in a way that it hurt, no. In the way that this was the closest you could possibly be and it still wasn't enough. The way he made your entire body tingle. The way the two of you fit together like a puzzle. It was the fact that you both knew you would absolutely die without each other. Like the world would simply stop turning if you were apart. And it was the way the love you had for one another created something new. The life growing inside you, belonged to you and Rafe and it was sacred. Something you would protect at all costs.
You didn't realize you actually were crying until Rafe's tears fell on your face. You were both crying silently as he continued to make love to you. The feeling of him sliding against your inner walls was pure ecstasy and you could feel yourself reaching your high once again.
You wrapped your legs tighter around his waist and pulled him into you. You felt his cock twitch as he spilled inside of you, your walls pulsating around him as you came too.
You both sat silently, trying to catch your breath and stop crying. Rafe cupped your cheek and placed a kiss gently on your lips before pulling out of you and rolling to your side, pulling you tightly against his chest. You were both overwhelmed with emotion. You laced your fingers between his and brought his hand to your lips, kissing his skin softly.
"I love you forever," You whisper before drifting off to sleep.
Let me know if you'd like to be tagged! :)
@outerbankspov @torturedtypewritersdept
#rafe fanfiction#rafe imagine#rafe smut#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#rafe fic#rafe obx#rafe cameron obx#obx fanfiction#obx#obx fic#outer banks#euphoria aesthetic#euphoria#drew starkey#alexa demie#maddy perez
87 notes
·
View notes
Note
Oh my goshhhhhh I just binged all of your eldrich König writing and I’m OBSESSED! I need to know everything, what does it mean that they’re the herald? How many realms are there? What are the geopolitical realities of an (unaligned?) military of summoners? Have summons always been a part of this world’s history?
His mom is the coolest and I love the way the eldrich remind me of Nyx and her many children the chorionic gods.
It’s killing me they haven’t banged it out yet. And if hes bedded other people how did he not know his dick is weird 👀 This konig isnt like others Ive read and I’m just loving the warm and fuzzies from him being such a thoughtful partner but like almost too well adjusted? Miss the pet names though… Can’t wait to read more 💖💯🙌🏻 thank you!
I want them to fuck but unfortunately, here we are. I am suffering so much. Alas, a slow burn must be stirred carefully.
Now! As to what the herald means? I can't say. As to how many realms there are? As many atoms as there are in the universe and then some. They're practically infinite. It just so happens that König comes from one only a couple of realms away. He's not so distant from us, which is part of what allows him to inhabit our reality. If he were too distant, his form wouldn't be able to be corporeal. It wouldn't be able to take shape, period. The farther away a realm is, the less control it has over ours, and likewise us to them.
As for summoners out of the military, summons are very common! Many people call upon summons to help with daily tasks. Some are just for washing dishes or clothes, some are to keep as company on lonely nights. The use of summons varies depending on the person. In this world, humans have dedicated themselves to learning about other realms and pursuing knowledge and arts. They value hard skills made by human hands, though usage of summons to make manufactured goods is still a staple. Some individuals are dedicated to finding more and more summons, others are dedicated to training summons. Humans live luxurious lives these days. After all, if you never have to worry about maintaining a home, what would you do with all the free time? Humans aren't always lazy. Many of us devolved to degeneracy, but those humans didn't last long and didn't produce many more. The ones who had an internal drive were the ones to really carry on having families and pursuing greatness. Though some people still fall through the cracks, humanity has prospered in the age of summons.
Have summons always been here? Not really. They were discovered in the early common era to the start of the industrial age. For this group of humans, the industrial age was the age of summons. The summoning age, if you will. This was what kick-started their technological revolution.
On a different note!
König's mother is a beautiful creature. I truly consider her as close to divine as mortals can bear witness to. I am in awe of her. She is genuinely a fascinating being. She loves her children, she loves life, but she's not a good being. She's the embodiment of chaos, a rung above König. She's as capable of good as she is of bad. I will say, she prefers to preserve life when possible. She likes life, she likes how chaotic it is. She wants to preserve our spontaneity.
She also is very careful about Summoner. She likes our chocolates, but she kinda knows that König and Summoner haven't actually started their relationship, contrary to what König thinks. However, she's certain that we will end up together, which is the main reason she doesn't snuff out our candle before it's been lit. Herald be damned, she doesn't care. If we hurt her baby boy she'll erase our bloodline from the entirety of existence. It's a damn good thing that Summoner eventually ends up with König!!!
#konig#cod konig#konig cod#konig call of duty#konig mw2#konig x reader#konig x you#konig fluff#konig fanart#fan art#digital art#cod mw2#cod#cod mwii#cod x reader#call of duty#modern warfare#konig fanfiction#konig headcanons#cod headcanons#konig hcs#konig fanfic#konig childhood#konig relationship#konig shenanigans#konig art#konig au#ask#ask me anything#writing
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hiromi Higuruma x Fem!Reader (mdni)
Tags: [adult content][fingering][i need him to put his mouth, over my mouth and nose][no knowledge of lawyering, in the slightest]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~✧*°~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~✧*。
Hiromi knows it's wrong to tamper with a case, but he can't help it.
Not when you walked into the courtroom to discuss your trial date for a wrongfully accused assault. Although, the crazy in your eyes may suggest that you may have bitchslapped the guy who's suing you, but then again, he probably deserved it.
He seemed like a douchebag.
Hiromi had seen the way you looked at him, your hands clasped in front of you as you listened to him explain, his voice low and exhausted, but that was just how it always was. Low, husky, filled with a tired lull that could make you drowsy in the best way possible.
He liked the way you complimented his nose, opting to run your fingers along the bridge of his nose, your fingertips lingering on the ball of his nose before pulling away, seemingly reminding yourself that there's a time and a place for such things.
And that's exactly what Hiromi didn't bother reminding himself about.
Seating himself in the witness stand, thick thighs spread in his dark slacks, one arm holding your knees to your chest, your back pressed against the hard planes of his torso through his tailored suit.
Thick fingers pump into your weeping cunt, the ball of his nose brushing against your temple as he inhales the scent of your hair. That sweet shampoo that had filled his nose the first time he stepped into the interrogation room where he first met you.
Dark brown eyes stare down at you, his low voice gently crooning to you.
"Shhhh, I know, I know." Hiromi coos softly, his fingers twisting and prodding at your soft, gummy walls, feeling the way you clench around him, your panties tugged off until your knees, supple thighs clenched and soft moans slipping past your lips.
"You're so tight around my fingers."Hiromi coos. "You've never been fucked like you deserve, have you, baby?"
He presses a chaste kiss to your temple, eyes staring down at you. Half-lidded and adoring.
Hiromi doesn't know if its a silly little crush, or if it's something that could mean more than one of the rare one night stands, but the thought of having your pliable, soft body split open on his fat cock, has his eyes rolling back in his head.
You merely whimper, face pressed into his shoulder as you try to focus on your breathing, desperate to keep quiet. The occasional sound of heavy footsteps on the wooden floors of the surrounding hallways that are so stupidly confusing but somehow, less stupid than how you feel right now.
Getting fingerfucked by the broad shouldered, tired eyed man who was supposed to be defending your case. Who was supposed to be discussing everything that happened.
But instead of discussing things in that monotone, exhausted timbre, Hiromi's fingers bully themselves into your sopping cunt, the squealching sound ringing through your ears and accompanied by the pounding of your heart and the sound of blood rushing in your ears.
"Oh... shit..."
Your stomach tightens, and your brows knit in a pinched expression that has Hiromi's zipper fighting for it's life, strained downright to the threads with the force and sheer magnitude of how hard his cock is, throbbing in the confines of his boxers.
"You gonna come on my fingers? That's it, sweetheart." Hiromi whispers, peppering soft, earnest kisses to the side of your face and when he feels you nod, that high pitched sound leaving your lips.
He pulls those thick fingers out of you, leaving your needy hole clenching around nothing and an almost frustrated groan leaves you.
"Are you shitting—... me?"
You glare up at Hiromi through bleary eyes, but you can't really say anything, before you're bent over the stand, pencil skirt hiked up around your waist and your panties around your ankles.
"Look at that..."
Hiromi's thumbs spread your folds, watching the way your sticky arousal strings between the soft, puffy flesh, your inner thighs damp with your fluids.
"So pretty..."
Rough palms rest on the fluffy mounds of your ass, jiggling the flesh in a lewd yet oddly gentlemanly manner.
Hiromi's dark eyes focus on you and only you, the soft flesh exposed to him from your compromising position, the way your back arches as you struggle to push back against him.
"You're so gorgeous." He breathes out, almost a whine as he parts the soft, squishy globes of your ass, dragging his tongue from your sopping cunt, all the way to that puckered ring of muscle.
You nearly shriek, muffling your sound of surprise at the foreign, yet not unwelcome sensation, before glancing over your shoulder. Hazy eyes watching the way his brows knit, as he tongues and traces over the tight, unstretched ring of muscle.
Hiromi tongues your ass earnestly, before pulling away, licking his saliva-coated lips and his chin glistens with your wetness before he groans.
And flips you onto your back, you're pressed against the mahogany surface of the witness stand-desk thingy. Shit, you don't even bother to think of what it's called because Hiromi's got the tip of his obscenely long tongue in your ass, and that perfect nose is brushing against your slippery clit.
Flicking the wet muscle against your perineum, the sensation makes your eyes roll and your thighs clench, muscles tensing at the feel of an oncoming orgasm.
That flutter in your walls, hands moving to card through his dark, soft strands, and when that wire of pleasure, that feel of finally tumbling off the edge of the peak of pleasure hits....
Hiromi pulls away, ruining yet another orgasm.
And you let out a petulant and frustrated whine.
"Are you fucking with me?" You perch yourself on your elbows, brows knitted into a scowl as Hiromi rises, his hips slotting between your thighs. And you can feel the tent in his dark slacks, pressed against you and undoubtedly, you're soaking through the expensive fabric.
"I'm starting to think you *did* assault, Mr Gojo." Hiromi's upper lip quirks in amusement. Your attitude is amusing.
Dark eyes glitter with amusement and laughter as he pictures you. It's like a chihuahua.
"About that..." You purse your lips, your ears tingling with embarassment. "You can like, still defend me, if I did it, right?"
There's absolutely no way you can tell Hiromi that your insignia ring left an imprint in that dickwad's cheek when you backhanded him.
"I'll get you off," Hiromi drags his fingers through your slippery folds, the sensation making your knees dig into his sides, "if you get me off, after your trial."
And Hiromi brings his fingers to his mouth, his tongue swirling around the digits, his dark eyes never wavering from yours.
"Sweetheart, lawyers are big on 'a tit for a tat'." Hiromi purrs. "And I'm starting to see why."
Hiromi is hell-bent on getting his tat.
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
miseryyy far moerbuwkqnwbakmans no m
#i have fucked up my life in a way i didn't know was possible#sorry to anyone who ever knew me i am a huge mess#i will be taking that academic break yurrrrr
0 notes
Text
.
#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment#wow#i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying#if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time#and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted#so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself#because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to#go in myself either way was way worse to me#because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to#''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever#and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in#and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed#although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this#that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.
aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭
(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)
(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)
#no but i've way too many ideas lmaoo#i forgot ive a whole longass post in my drafts dedicated to ramblings abt this longfic and i came across it today ahaha#like amy leading a manhunt for leonard bc shes got everyone to think he killed her sister (who she didn't even like much smh)#and topher's one of the ppl involved and when shawn hears he's like “topher? yeah i can handle him dw” (possible tophawn minor pairing??)#and leonard's abt to get the equivalent of being burnt at the stake literally#when guess who shows up in a fucking mercedes of all cars#fucking dave#and he helps leonard escape narrowly by driving fast af and leonard's so confused bc like “i thought you'd be with those guys”#and get this: dave doesnt believe leonard killed sammy bc of his vehement belief that leonard doesn't know magic LMAOOO#and leonard doesnt know whether to be affronted or grudgingly thankful bc if it wasn't for dave's desire for everything to be normal#leonard would have been part of the witch trials 2.0#and idk who's watched st but the plot is somewhat inspired by it#like shawn goes missing first and dave as his best friend is panicking abt it (in this one axel is shawns cousin???)#and then when they find him at last the weird deaths start leading to leonard finding sammy dead and this whole situation#and theres a whole different world underneath them and its up to leonard dave ella and sky to team up and prevent certain destruction#and theres slowburn leonave (with pining leonard and oblivious dave)#and leonard lives with his uncle whos understanding of his passions (unlike his dad who basically gave him away for the same reason)#and leonard's life is total opppsite from dave's#and they both know it#and omgggg this au has been a brainrot for so goddamn long#but idk why i just got a slew of ideas for it today#and like dave stays over at leonards at one point and leonard gives him his bed (like a gentleman)#and the next morning shawn barges in like “wheres my best friend” bc ever since he was taken he's been v paranoid abt losing the ppl he lov#and he hugs dave and daves like “how dirty are you rn” and shawns like “nothing yet i waited so that i can hug you when i see your dumb ass#and everyones like abt dave to leonard “idk if he's the right one for you”#but then later on dave saves his life by going a little bit unhinged classic dave-style#and ends up scaring a nurse and receptionist into retiring early#total drama#td leonard#td dave
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Currently playing case 1-4 of the first trilogy for the first time and I've gotten to the part where the the boat rental shop caretaker has just Vanished from the courtroom and I KNOW obviously it's not what happened but when the judge said to go search for the guy I couldn't stop picturing the entire courtroom filing out of the building and just fucking booking it down the street looking for him
#ace attorney#Phoenix Maya Gumshoe and Edgeworth just absolutely hauling ass down the boulevard going “HE COULDNT HAVE GONE FAR”#the judge hiking up his robe like cinderella so he doesn't trip#“how is he so nimble”#turnabout goodbyes#this game has taken over my life#these last 2 months have been INCREDIBLY damaging to my psyche in the best way possible#why the fuck do I understand law terminology now.#(said in the john mulaney voice) I didn't know I knew how to do that
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!
#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this#i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked#so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage#could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better#my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real#otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking#spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc#what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active#so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible#without spiking my hr to zone 4#so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything#i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards#outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is#i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me#based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not#some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works#but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again#because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now#i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog#but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis#so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important#this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty#shit talking
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such
#if i say it enough i will remember it's true#can you guess which aspect of capitalism i'm struggling with today?#it does not help my bones are somehow WORSE than yesterday even after all of the rest i took so that's Super Fun:tm:#so i've got that on in the back of my head#ugh#i... am putting off calling my grandma - i meant to do it last week but i got too in my head about it#and uno reversed myself into forgetting to do it at all until the Worst Times Possible#(generally around Normal Fuckin Meal Times)#i want to call to wish her a belated mother's day and check in re: grandpa but also...#also i don't want to have to do a phone call i don't want to talk to them about anything at all#they stress me out to talk to and it makes me super uncomfortable to be on the phone in general let alone with a Heavy Topic over our heads#like.... i'm comfortable with where i'm at acceptance-wise with Grandpa's whole situation#and i know i am late for a better relationship with the pair of them in general#like i'm not going to repair a relationship that wasn't built to collapse down to this point this is as far as it got built up to#i'm not building more relationship between me and someone who i know is passing soon when they didn't take the opportunity either#like they had just as much chance as me to improve our relationship after i became an adult and they chose to use my mother as#an intermediary which has stunted their connection to me and that's not my fault#i admittedly did not reach out but i was not taught i could safely do that to anyone#because my parents badmouth literally any person they know for one reason or another#i regularly fuck up in conversations with my grandparents because i'll say somethign that is a holdover from my understanding of them#through my parents and it's like. kind of really insulting! and i've been doing it my whole life and i know as soon as i get their reaction#and i can't recover because i don't actually know them at all#so i can't be like ''oh my god i know that's inaccurate i have no idea why i said that'' because i *don't* know until after i've done it#every goddamn time it happened the last time i got a call from them too#like... my bio fam/family of origin is just not good at keeping in touch and i know i'm a product of that#and i know theoretically how to adjust for it but it does require work on the other end of the line too#and unfortunately i know my bio family too well and know they won't do their part#i grew up in the group project everyone hates#and i'm on my way to deciding they can show up to the presentation day without me#i've started a new family project over here with blackjack and hookers
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
there's really no help for feeling suicidal when you're not in immediate danger
#like i guess im just supposed to wait until i am in immediate danger??#and even those resources are just to keep you safe. not make you not want to die#what the fuck am i supposed to do#being suicidal but not being in immediate danger really sucks#at least if i was like going to hurt myself in a life threatening way i could potentially die#but no im stuck here all because i dont want my parents to be sad#doesn't seem fair. i didn't ask to be born#i don't know what to do#how long can i feel this way and imagine all these scenarios until i do something about it?#i got really close a few nights while i was still at school#but every method has its downsides#i wish i could just not care about the effects my suicide would have on other people#i really just need to go for it#it's extremely selfish of me to say this but once i'm dead i won't care#i wish i could kill myself tonight#i wake up every morning and have to do another day. sometimes it's not so bad but i still just want to be dead#even while im laughing or snuggling with my bunny or with friends i still want to be dead#i want to kill myself#i think if i had a plan even if i was never going to go through with it i would feel better#like something to fall back onto. or just knowing it was possible#guess it's time to keep working on the pros and cons list of different suicide methods🤡#someone please help me#people who deserve to live and want to live die all the time but i have to keep living. doesn't seem fair.#the world is a really fucked up place#sorry for not adding trigger warnings. went past 20 tags and im on mobile so i cant move them around#i dont think anyone reads these anyways.
18 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi Nico! I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, I hope you’ll be okay and can take some time to yourself :( <3
thank youuu silver i really appreciate this!! i'll be okay, shit just isn't Fantastic rn been struggling w this and other stuff so like. it's not easy but i'll be fine i'm trying my best to take care of myself and find peace within myself which is the hardest place to find it but honestly i think the only one?? but yeah ly and i hope you're doing well 🩵
#the world's too fucked to find peace in it i've pretty much grown certain of that#and i don't even mean this as like... there's no hope and no good things#i just mean we have to find the good things and the good people and do what we can together to like#make things better and all live in the most comfortable and meaningful way possible?#community in the end is the answer to the question is there any hope for a peaceful and free and comfortable and happy life. there is if we#stick and work together l#SORRY this was a tangent. i'm just like. finding peace within myself and realizing more and more that what i need is other people#but not in the way i've always thought i needed them. and that i still feel i need them. in the most fucked up way i still feel like that#bc the way i've p much always interacted w others is thru the lenses of my mental illnesses so it's alwaysssss been so distorted#and damn isn't it hard to break free of that. w no therapy especially. but anyway this is a whole thing#which you didn't ask me abt sorry silver fjdbkrvkfbj#been in a very reflective mood lately. bc i'm struggling and need to find a way out so yeah#but THANK YOUU again and yeah dw i'll be fine i'm gonna do my best to be okay#asks#cheri#i don't think you have a preference name wise btw but if i'm wrong pls do let me know i've just been using cheri and silver interchangeably
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
apparently i am back in my sads about a friend who suddenly cut me off two years ago with no explanation. had a dream where they started talking to me again and now i'm stuck here past midnight sad that it isn't real instead of falling asleep.
#commablogs#personal#are they entitled to decide who they want in their life? absolutely!#but they handled it in the shittiest way possible by implying that I'd done something wrong but refusing to ever say what it was#it sucks even more because they were one of my best friends from highschool#and the other two from our crew have also stopped talking to me because I 'fell off the deep end' re:religion#aka I'm queer and not sure where I stand rn on the whole god thing#but other friend and I had bonded over that being a shared experience and had been doing weekly online hangouts prior to things ending#I still have their birthday in my calendar and every time I see it coming up I want to text them and see how they're doing#but I said I'd respect their decision to completely cut off contact with me so I can't be the one to reach out#wow yikes I really am going through it tonight#at least I've managed to not let myself fall too deep into the hole of 'what if it's really my fault and I fucked things up'#even if I did something wrong... they never said anything and just let it fester. I couldn't fix something I didn't know was broken#pls brain now that I've articulated all this can I finally sleep?? please???
1 note
·
View note
Text
love it when i meet with people and find out their sole purpose in life is finding me a husband 😔🙏💗
#becca.txt#and i mean this in the most sarcastic way possible#these people way too invested in my life#leave me alone#if i find someone who wants to go out with me that's cool#if i don't that's also cool#either way it's nobody's business#not my fault all of you married at 22 and are living unfufilled lives as a result#not saying you can't have a fufilling life having married young - you certainly can#but NONE of the people i'm referring to were in any way shape or form prepared to marry when they did#the only person i know in my circle w/a successful marriage met dated and married her now husband in <6 months#i have cousins who married at 19!!!in this day and age!#are you INSANE???#some of these people desperately needed to be told that your value as a woman does not depend on your status with a man#like what the hell this ain't the year of our lord 1662 go live your life you don't need a man to be happy???what the hell????#what's even better is when i tell them i'm not looking and they pull the 'oh don't worry i'm looking for you!'#please i don't want do get within 15feet of anybody these people 'find for me'#if it were up to me i'd marry closer to 30 and adopt a bunch of kids - which is another thing#if you don't think adopting children means they're YOUR children simply because you didn't birth them you can get fucked#i had an aunt say this to me over the holidays#everybody's so gung-ho about my fertility issues but i'm realistic so i tell everyone i'll adopt and save myself the trouble#then she pulls the 'oh they won't really be your kids tho???' like BITCH WHAT YOU MEAN???#I'LL BE RAISING THEM HOW ARE THEY NOT MY KIDS???like PLEASE#pls ignore i just needed to rant a little bit
2 notes
·
View notes