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blucassiopeia · 1 year

Text

Almost - 1

"A prelude spin-off for an upcoming fic"

warnings: afab!reader, NSFW 18+ content MDNI, mentions of heavy drinking and getting drunk, drunken fluff, drunk foreplay inc. dry humping, oral fem!receiving, cheating(?), pining, angst, comfort (?), stupidly complicated, surprising and agitating

part 1 - 8.4k words ; part 2 - 6.7k words

A Miya Osamu x reader ft Miya Atsumu one shot, is this one shot?

a/n: y'all can cuss me on this piece LMAO, more clues, read between the lines and you might pick up more clues

Blaring beats, an ocean of alcohol and drunk people, intoxicating smell, annoying big feet of people not being kind on your own, flirty gestures, incessant stranger grindings, travelling hands.

Ugh.

"Drink."

You shouted at your friend's ear and you didn't wait for her to respond. She's busy with someone else, you doubted she heard you. You rolled your eyes as you made your way to the bar counter, dodging people along the way.

You were with five friends when you got here, and now, the only friend you're with is dancing and grinding with someone else, leaving you to yourself. You wanted to go home. Why did you even give this bar hopping a chance? You still have reports to finish. You kinda regret having an apartment so close to the nightlife alleys of Osaka.

"Y/n, it's going to be fun, come on!"

"Don't be a KJ. Let's goooo~"

"Unwind, Y/n. Go out there and flirt!"

And the last one just offered you a laugh because she knows you're giving in all the same.

You pursed your lips as the bar counter comes to view. You ran a hand on your bare face and fixed your topー

ーthen you saw that hair you'll recognize anywhere.

Done with this part? Go to part 2.

You stuttered in your steps, the other alcohol creatures blurring, eyesight focused on his hair and built, the expanse of his back. Your breath quickened and your feet turned to the door's direction, heartbeats louder than the bar's music.

"'Samuuuu~ that 'ya?"

Fucking shit.

Out of the door., Y/n.

"'am with friendsss, 'ya know them~"

Fuck. Fuck!

FASTER!

"Oh! One's there! Y/n~"

I'm gonna kill her later., you thought as you turned around. The last thing you wanted to happen is him getting suspicious about you avoiding him and his fucking Miya ego.

Your lip twitched at your friend who's giggling now, making distance from the man, giving you space in between. You unconsciously cleared your throat before settling down, fiddling your fingers as you waited for somethingーanything. Until your friend groaned at your side.

"Two stiffs!" She laughed and wobbled out of her high chair. One hand combing her hair back, she flashed a lopsided smile, can't even see straight. "Alright, 'am gonna dance~ 'Samuu~ keep her company, 'yea?"

Furrowing your brows, you looked over your shoulder as your eyes followed her, not even waiting for Miya Osamu to respond. You let out a shaky laugh as you faced the counter again, the bartender eyeing you from the other end if you might want him to whip you a drink.

"What are 'ya drinkin'?" Really, Y/n? Is that your first line of conversation after so many years?

"Sum'thin' ta get me drunk?" Of course.

You smiled awkwardly at the bartender as he makes his way to your direction, "Can 'ya give me more of his drink?"

"ThーThat's notー" You didn't miss the fast flicker of the bartender's eyes to Osamu for a moment. "That's not a ladies' drink, miss? And it's a mix just e-exclusive for S-sir Osamu?"

You raised a brow at that stuttering from the bartender. "So you're a regular here? And why can't I drink tha' mix? I'm a grown up now. We're both 19."

Osamu scoffed, taking a sip of his drink. Your eyes reveled at the drinking side-profile of this disgustingly attractive man, his adam's apple bobbing as he gulped down his sip. You saw how his tongue peeked through his lips to lick the smeared mix, you sucked a breath and closed your eyes momentarily as you saw him in Osamu.

"Give 'er 2 of this, Rami. She's a grown up, she says."

"Thought 'ya were stayin' in Miyagi?"

You started a futile topic as you waited for your drink. But futile? Your brows shot up when he side-eyed you while tipping his shot glass to his lips, you nearly smirked. He's still the same old Osamu 2 years ago. Everything about her invites him in.

"Will be stayin' here in Osaka ferーdon'noーtwo weeks? Three?" His fingers ran up and down his shot glass as he stared at it. "Might go see 'Tsumu an' stay with 'im within that period."

You hummed as the bartender, Rami, slid a shot glass of Osamu's mix. "So how was Miyagi?"

"S'okay."

The shot glass was cold to your touch as your fingers ran round the brim. Your eyes were fixed on the red mix inside it, ripples to the edges, as the questionーor more like a rhetoric question or maybe a declarationーsat at the edge of your tongue. And you smiled, chuckled.

"Yer still in love with her."

And without missing a heartbeat, an "I do.", came out from Osamu's lips, and that sealed it.

But how did it came to this?

You can feel his big, calloused hand in yours. It feels light, so as your steps, feels like your skipping on cotton ground and his hand in yours keeps you stable. But no. He suddenly twirled you by his side and your already swirling world spinned a bit more your weight crashed to his still solid posture, a hand on his chest. And Osamu chuckled, and you broke a laugh with him. And both of you will never know how ridiculous the stares you were both getting from passerbys.

His breath whiffs through your face, his forehead leant against yours. In your drunk state, you smiled at how close his face were, his gray locks flickering to blond time again and you were mesmerized.

"I'm hungry." His voice so deep it reached your core and you tapped his shoulder, receiving his message.

The next thing your mind registered was him holding your waist against him, your arms around his neck as you both swayed to a slow music on what seem to you as an aisle of a convenience storeーor is it a pharmacy?

"Yer a hopeless romantic." You heard yourself slurred against his hold, your fingers unconsciously tugged on his golden locks as he kissed the side of your head. "Can't know why she still hasn't fallen fer 'ya."

"'am an asshole tha' don' deserved ta be loved."

And you chuckled snuggling to his shoulder for comfort through your swirling surroundings.

Then your consciousness teleported you to your apartment, with someone kissing you and groaning, licking your tongue, his smell so addicting even over the alcohol and he stopped all at once at the sight of your eyes, pulling back.

"Ya smell like alcohol." He slurred, scoffed as he slumped hard at your genkan and untied the straps of your sandals. "Yer heart's gon' burst, hm, Aki-nii-san will kill me."

And you whimpered as he kissed the part of your thigh where your short shorts end. You felt his head buried against both your thighs, hugging it while sniffing. It took a while for you to realize he was crying, it shattered your heart a little so you card hisーwhy is his hair shifting from blond to grayーfuck, alcohol.

"'Am sorry. Shouldn't have left ya that day. Should'a calmed down. Should'a waited fer ya to say sum'thin'. 'Am s' sorry. Please c'me back ta me. Please don' choose 'im. Please. Please choose me 'gain. 'Am beggin' ya."

He suddenly sprang from his feet after ranting those words and crashed his lips against yours vigorously and carried you to God knows where. Your head is spinning and you can't understand what's he sayingーfuck, you could feel his hard-on grazing against your cunt over your shorts at his every step, it made you feral.

You feel him grinding back, pushing you to the fluffy surface on your back. You realized you're already in your bed, clothes off with just your underwear left, hooded eyes clouded with lust pinned on you. He's also naked with just his boxers and you moaned as his pace went faster, your jaw slacked at the pleasure he's giving your body.

"Fuck~ s' good~"

He dipped to your neck and sucked your skin, throaty groans from him tickled your ear straight down between your thighs, gushing juices leaking.

"S' wet fer me. Shall eat ya now, huh?"

You felt your mind slurred and it's trying to focus but the alcohol in your system drags it all over the place, drowned at the pleasure he's giving you, then you felt it. A wet muscle in your slit, licking your clit and sucking that made you moan and hands flying to his hair, tugging it closer. You felt that wet muscle licking your entrance and you gasped as he licked inside and up to your clit again, arching your back at the pleasure. And you don't know but everything just focused on him in a snap, him getting rid of his boxers and taking out his wide girth, your eyes raked from his abs to his face, to his eyes and your eyes widen.

And something snapped in Osamu too as he stared at your wide eyes, the trance of that lethal mix quickly evaporating from his body momentarily. His eyes travelled down to your heaving chest, erect nipples, his hand on your abdomen, pressing, and to your leaking cunt and his own hard meat rod.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

His panicked gray eyes flew back to yours, "I'm sorry."

He quickly scrambled away from you, searching for your underwear to wear it back on you, picking his boxers to wear it back too. "I'm so sorry, Y/n."

He was quick to change back to his clothes, faster than your mind processing what was happening. When you came to be, all dressed again, he was already gone out of your apartment.

Fuck. What was that?

And Osamu thought about that question too as he made way to the nearby bus stop, padding on his pockets for his phone. His hand was shaking as he dialed through the screen and held it out on his ear, gulping and breath all ragged.

"Where are ya 'Samu? Rami said 'ya already wen' out hours ago all wasted!"

"'Tsumu. Can I sleep beside ya?"

"Haaah?! Waz gott'n inta ya? Drunk bad?"

"Ask him where he is."

But Osamu's emotions went flooding already, long cherished memories reeling back to his mind it made him sob so hard, making him sick and wanted to vomit. He did, and Atsumu heard it.

"Can you go around one more time, Kiyoomi?"

The seriousness of Atsumu's voice over the line, devoid of his usual accent, made Osamu sob hard again, muttering apologies Atsumu can't understand what it is for.

"So, what happened to you?"

With a groggy mind, Osamu blinked the drowsiness away and scanned his surroundings.

It's already morningーor afternoon? And not on his apartment.

He groaned as he heard multiple dings from his phone, resonating with the throbbing in his head. He padded about the mattress to find his phone, but instead he felt a hand on his left. He peeked on the floor and saw Atsumu, lying on a futon staring back at him.

"Can I sleep beside ya?"

Damn, he forgot they just have single beds here at their dorm. How drunk was he.

"'Samu?"

"Yer practice?"

Osamu heard ruffles of the futon as Atsumu sat up, face all irritated. "Yer more important! Ya just got back from Argentina yesterday 'n went straight drinking. What. Happened?"

"Nothing." At last, he got hold of his phone just beside his hip and unlocked it, seeing the topic of the GC. "Nothing happened."

Atsumu just stared at his exhausted twin and sighed. "MSBY's operations and events are transferred to Sendai. Just fer a year or two. Talked ta the management. They can't afford ta lose sum'one like 'im."

Osamu just nodded, mind all clouded with the picture he saw in the GC. "Does he know?"

"Not yet. He'll be happy nun'theless."

"'Tsumu, can ya not look at me with those eyes?"

"Waz jus' worried is all."

"'Am fine."

He's fine. He has to.

Osamu can feel drool seeping from a fabric across his chest. A sleeping feral creature was finally calm as they both napped in the couch. This feral creature wailed and wailed a while ago as her brother was taking a bath with her dad and she just calmed down as Osamu cradled her to his chest, humming her to sleep.

"She really likes you, 'Samu."

Osamu scoffed, his eyes not leaving little Hinata, rubbing his thumb against the fabric of her clothing. "No. She fell asleep because I hummed to her her dada's song."

Ran hummed as she propped her elbow at the back of her couch, gracing her eyes with the sight of her little girl with her bestfriend. Footsteps and grumbling and baby noises came near and her husband kissed her cheek out of nowhere, Takeshi flapping his knuckles on Ran's arm.

"'Samu, first day of classes today right? Take care of Ran and Hinata as usual, okay? Might pick you three up on the way home."

And as if on cue, Hinata squirmed and whined against Osamu's bare chest, waking up to her dad's voice. Osamu was already smiling, peeking on her as she blinked hard, maybe calibrating where she is and when she didn't see her father, she cried. Osamu quickly sat up, supporting her and facing her to her dad who was passing little Takeshi to Ran to hold Hinata.

Osamu passed her to him, placing the cloth she drooled over to his shoulder, and he yawned, poking to Takeshi's cheek who was watching him yawn, chocolate eyes staring. "No ladies for Dada, 'Keshi, okay? Or Mama's gonna sell you for not doing your work."

And Takeshi gripped Ran's collar and hid his face to her neck to which Osamu and her husband chuckled at the sight. Ran immediately cooed while glaring daggers at Osamu, of whom raised his hands on surrender as he walked to his room.

"Take care of 'Keshi."

"Take care of Ran, 'Samu."

Always.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER!?"

"SHE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"SHE WASー"

He was saved by Ran's knocks, cold water gliding his back, a hand anchoring him to the tiled wall. He was breathing heavy as a memory came to him, he gulped hard. He never had this memory for a while. Maybeー

"'Samu, we're gonna be late." Osamu then went under the shower one last time. "And please, get a girlfriend already so you wont bother 'bating." And her high pitched laugh irritated the hell out of him. He picked his body wash and threw it against the bathroom door, which just intensified Ran's laugh, echoed by cute giggles from Hinata. Osamu groaned. He's gonna go crazy.

Hinata can't stop flapping her arms as she was strapped in Osamu's chest and facing front. Strangers stops and waves hi to the cute little golden pumpkin and be mesmerized by Osamu's shy smile as they head for the culinary class in this certain building in Osaka. Good thing they got permission for bringing babies, and good thing Hinata's a cool baby, as long as she can smell her dada's scentーthat's now became Osamu's perfume, too, and begrudgingly wearing one of his shirts that's a little off for himーand be entertained by her pacifier and new surroundings and strangers.

And Ran can't help grinning at the sight and murmured at his earshot, "You're really good with babies, you wanna go marry and have your own kids?"

Osamu didn't like that idea so he glared at Ran who chuckled and apologized immediately, attempted on relieving him of the baby bag but Osamu held on it tighter and flicked her forehead.

"Behave, or I'll snitch you on Aki-nii-san and Kei, or worse onー"

But Osamu chuckled as he saw Ran glaring back at him so he ruffled her golden hair and held her hand, dragging her to wherever the class will be held.

And you sucked your breath as you saw him again after a year and a half, through the glass partition, with a baby and a golden-haired lady following him. Ran.

Don't enter this room, please don't.

Time was slow but as if mocking you, they really did, with the baby squealing and flapping her arms at the new environment she's in, golden eyes scanning. Your eyes darted to Osamu's steel cold eyes that's already staring back at you, a look of recognition flashed across his face.

And someone hummed, your eyes darted to Ran peeking on you through Osamu's side and she's smiling at you, eyes flickering to you and him. Your breath was heavy as your eyes travelled back to the baby girl with golden baby hairs, and back to Osamu's eyes. How many seconds was frozen? Fuck.

"You know her, 'Samu?"

"No." And it was your turn to be frozen, breathing stopped, everything. "I don't."

"Uhuh?"

You suddenly felt a hand holding yours out for a handshake and you saw Ran beaming at you. "Hi, I'm Ran. This is Osamu, and my baby, Hinata."

You shook her cold hands while still staring at Osamu who has his brows now furrowed, jaw set. You introduced yourself to Ran awkwardly anyway. How could you not? She's warm and obviously oblivious of the tension. You might as well save her the trouble.

This was the first day of the cooking class you enrolled to to curb out the stress you have from studying Law. And here is another stress of its own destructive caliber. It was hard enough to move on from that night, but here he is again, reminding you again of his existence. And is that his baby? She looks a lot like her mom then.

Your hands were colder than the industrial kitchen top as the lecture went on but was warming as you unconsciously played with the baby sitting atop between you and Ran, Osamu on the other side. But the lecture passed by and you noticed the baby staring at you wide eyed, tears welling up, well it actually had fallen already to her chubby cheeks, and her lips quivering, and aww, not making a sound. It broke your heart as you wipe her tears away.

Ran noticed it and was about to reach for her baby but Osamu's reflexes kicked in. He nuzzled the baby's face against his neck quick, curbing an impending tantrum session as he softly hum a tune you didn't know. You suddenly felt guilty but Ran reassured you with a smile and urged you to listen back to the lecture.

"Still not time for milk, 'Samu. Diappy's still dry too."

"Her random naps."

Your face ghosted a slight smile at the conversation.

The whole session was all lecture for today, and the instructor promised you all that it will be a cooking session next, it lifted a bit of your mood. Much more when you stepped out of the building and you saw your boyfriend waiting with some of his teammates. You quickly checked your phone for his messages and smiled apologetically to him.

Oh no. I was that nervous that I didn't noticed him messaging me.

"'Tsumu?"

Your face paled, not that you didn't expect this butーYou closed your eyes to calm yourself.

"Ran! 'Nata!" A big man lugged past you towards Ran. "Surprise!"

"Hey! Baka! You left Takeshi!"

But your eyes and attention were focused on Atsumu, coming out of his car and walking towards you. You were gradually calming as he closed the distance, out for a hug and a kiss on your forehead.

"Aw, she's not single 'Samu. Andー"

"ーEXCUSE ME? MR MIYA ATSUMU?"

Atsumu groaned at your forehead and you rubbed his back, chuckling at his reaction. "Yer mom brain's acting up. Told ya last week I got back with her. And you were the firs' ta know. Even told ya before 'Samu!"

"Ya didn't~" You heard him mused as he passed the baby to the big man's arm waiting, with also a baby boy in his other arm.

Atsumu growled at Osamu and you patted his chest and smiled. "S'okay, I already know Ran and yer teammates."

You heard a huff, a familiar huff, "Let's go. It's almost milk time."

The others heeded and shuffled at Osamu's words and you felt rejected by Atsumu's own twin, but it wasn't unprecedented, given what had happened. You wonder if he remembers, but no, it didn't matter. It shouldn't.

A hand got yours and you saw Ran beaming at you. "You're staying at Atsumu's? Gonna catch up soonest, okay?" And it's comforting.

"No. You're gon' let her join yer cult! No way!" But Ran just smiled at Atsumu, menacingly at that, that made him shut up and whimpered down his throat, you nearly laughed.

"Plushie! Let's go!"

Ran waved her bye to you but rolled her eyes to Atsumu and Kiyoomi peeking from Atsumu's car's back seat. She skipped her steps to their own car, taking the baby boy in her arms.

"Don't let her join your cult, you'll just teach her how to curse us and make us suffer."

"Excuse me, plushie, but it's not a cult!"

And never once did Osamu bat an eye on you through that whole encounter.

"So Osamu already has kids?"

Kiyoomi was the first to react, snorting while scrolling through his phone. Atsumu was patient though, shaking his head while his eyes are on the road. "They're her husband's, 'f'cors."

"But Osamu?" Husband? She's already married? 18? 19?

Atsumu hummed. "When he married Ran, he also kinda married Osamu in some sense." He snickered, and his little reactions tugging your heartstrings through the gut-wrenching topic. "Marry one, take one."

Your gut twisted more at what he said and how he said it. "B-but, Osamu loves her, right? Does her husband know? Does she know?"

Atsumu glanced at you, the sunset haze flashing through the windows and his blonde locks, and smiled sadly. "Yes, he knows but she doesn't. But that matter is between Ran and Osamu so he can't interfere. And bokkun knows Osamu respects him and his marriage with Ran so there's nothin' to worry about, fer now."

"A hell of a complicated relationship, right?" You heard Kiyoomi commented as you settled the topic, eyes straight through the dash, to the bustling streets of Osaka.

A hell of a complicated relationship huh?

You hummed as you felt a soft, wet touch on your forehead. Your eyes fluttered open and instantly smiled to his beaming self.

"Leavin' already?" When the sleep finally unlatched from you, you sprang up from the bed, blanket sliding down your body revealing your bare chest, and your head hitting Atsumu in his jaws gaining an Ow. "Yer bento!"

"NoーOwーNo rushing." You bit your lip as you heard Atsumu whine while getting off bed and getting a shirt from his stack of clothes and him sitting at the edge of your shared bed. "Can ya bring me my bento later then?"

You stared lovingly at him as you slid onto his shirt. "Okay." He hummed at your approval and leaned you into him and kissed your forehead, also leaving a lingering kiss on your lips to which made your eyes sparkle. "I love you, 'Tsumu. Take care okay?"

"I love you too, so much, butー" You cocked a brow on him as he flashed a playful smile at you while hugging your waist, thumbs making miniscule strokes. "ーwhat will ya do if I get on an accident? Or die?"

And your loving moment was brushed back to the edge of the room as your mood soured at his question. His smile faltered as he observed your facial reaction. But that was just the tip of the iceberg of how he thought his question affected you.

"Not a good question to start our morning, Atsumu."

"I'm sorry." He whispered it under his breath after a moment of silence and this, this bothered you more than the memories currently reeling in your mind. You kissed his forehead longer than usual.

"Told 'ya 'm not leavin' you again, right?" He nodded against your tummy, eyes on you searching for something it made you run your fingers to his newly dyed hair. "'Am goin' where ya goin'. So if ya don' want me ta die then don't die. Simple."

It's now his turn to sour his reaction, "Yep, not a good topic to start our morning. 'Am sorry." You chuckled as the huffing and pouting 6 foot big baby stood and started walking to the front door with you shadowing him. "'Am gonna see ya later, 'kay?"

But his showering kisses were overbeared by the memories you had prior, and it has been an hour when Atsumu walked out from your shared apartment to his practice. These memories shouldn't wash you away from consciousness but it shook the depths of your soul it made you sob so hard.

You're living in the present, Y/n. Get your shit together.

As you were finishing up Atsumu's bento, your doorbell rang and you wondered who was it as you walked to your door. You opened it up and froze when you saw a smiling Ran, the cutie baby boy from yesterday and.. the stone-cold twin of your boyfriend. Well, stone-cold only to you.

You quickly got back from the trance when you realized you're wearing nothing but Atsumu's shirt. "Come in, make yourself at home!" You called out as you sprinted up to your bedroom to dress appropriately.

"She was crying."

"Huh?"

"Samuuu, how can you not notice it?"

"Didn't care."

"HEY! She's 'Tsumu's girlfriend!"

Silence.

"Ooohh, are you jealous?"

He would never.

You smiled as you fixed the same Atsumu's shirt you wore prior, just now with your undergarments and a short. You walked leisurely to where they are, still standing by the living room, Ran's face all teasing and Osamu's all irritated, and the baby all observant he spotted you first and made grabby hands that caught both their attention.

Ran was all smiles when she relayed the details of her planned gathering, to welcome you to the circle. It's this evening, and they'll be the one cooking. And now, she's gonna drag you to the grocery store to prepare.

"But first, we're gonna drop these bentos okay?"

And you smiled at her and nodded while she's at the passenger seat, the silent Osamu driving to the gym where the MSBY Black Jackals are having their practices. The drive seemed fast for you because you were entertained by little Takeshi beside you, slapping your arm and blabbering baby noises and you cooed in turn, poking his cute chubby cheeks. You were lost momentarily in your thoughts of Atsumu carrying your own little boy, you smiled absentmindedly at the sight of little Takeshi.

And you will never know how Osamu raised his brows while glancing at you and Takeshi in the rear view mirror. He didn't like the look in your face, it made him floored the gas pedal, passing slow cars in a flash. He just realized he did when Ran pinched his thigh and glared at him silently. He shouldn't be distracted like this, but you're making it hard for him.

The dropping of bentos went so fast, it was all Ran talking, you barely talked with Atsumu because he was busy arguing with her about the impromptu gathering later. Her husband waved hi to you across the court, loud voice echoing it made his twins squirm, searching for the source. Little Hinata was in Coach Foster's lap and behaving, but when Ran came to her and kissed her, she cried and Ran mumbled her something that calmed her down instantly.

"'Samu, don't tire her."

You heard those words as you were dragged out of the sports center, Osamu following you both with little Takeshi.

Grocery shopping was a blur as Ran and Osamu's domestic rush was in full display in your eyes, and you can't deny the envy you feelーbut for what and why, you didn't know. But one thing you're sure about. They feel like a family of their own.

Their domesticity was prolonged as they started preparing for the gathering back at your apartment, you cleaning while little Takeshi was sleeping on his portable cot in the living room. You glance at them from time to time as they move flawlessly throughout your kitchen.

"So, how do you met Atsumu?"

You propped your broom in your underarms as you wiped furnitures after furnitures, you almost missed how Osamu flinched while mincing something in the counter. Almost. And you chose to ignore it.

"I was his ex back in highschool."

She turned to Osamu and sneered, all while chopping what seems to be carrots, "Highschool huh.."

There might be under-the-counter battle because Osamu's face went contorted and scrunched, while Ran was seething. "Stop it. Okay. God. Okay, I know her all along."

"Why did you lie then, huh?" You forcefully drag your attention back to cleaning as they continue to bicker in the kitchen. Ran gasped, "Waitt, is sheー"

"No. Shut up. It's not." And Ran giggled, you didn't dare take a glance at them though they're still mumbling inaudibly.

"Soー" Ran started again after a while of inaudible arguing with Osamu. "ーwhy did you two broke up?"

"It's not appropriate ta ask that, Ran." Osamu scolded, his back turned to face the gas stove, Ran was rushing in his back anyway, preparing more ingredients for their dishes.

Ran paused and pouted. "I'm sorry. But how did you get together again?" She smiled while resuming to her task at hand. "I didn't know Atsumu can be so disgustingly romantic to take his ex back and start over."

"Yeah, like what he did ta ya huh?" Ran elbowed Osamu's back that made him chuckle because maybe it has no effect on how muscular Osamu's back isーthe memories from the night came reeling in you blinked hard and fast as you busied yourself finishing up cleaning.

"Y/n?" You flinched as you heard Ran's worried calls. "Are you okay? Called you thrice." Your eyes travelled to Osamu that has his eyes on you as he was deboning the chicken. His expression was neutral and you breathed and flickered a smile to Ran.

"I'm sorry. Umーweー" You were cutted off when Osamu huffed.

"Ya don't need to answer everything she asks. And youー" Osamu ran his greasy hands from the chicken down to Ran's face that made her whine and squirm as he held her cheeks with his fingers, giving her lips a more protruded pout. "ーStop asking personal questions. Yer overwhelming her."

You thought of clenching your fist. The tension you have with Osamu is the one overwhelming you, not Ran's questions, not her. Him. Can't he feel that?

You suddenly yearn for Atsumu's presence as you pursed your lips.

And it was not after 6 hours that your wish came true as Atsumu came with his teammates. He first went to you, kissing you by the lips that made the others chuckle and gag before even greeting you, but that made you smile.

"They didn't harass you?"

You hear mumbling sounds from the kitchen and you chuckled upon hearing them. "No. They didn't. They're cool."

"I doubt Ran didn't." And he glared at Ran across the living room to the kitchen where she and Osamu are still plating the dishes. "Just tell her off to her brothers and the problem will be solved."

"HEY!"

"Plushie, still not tired?"

"This is the last."

And you saw it, face to face. Ran and her husband kissed in front of Osamu, and Osamu'sーwellーnot fazed that he caught you staring and cocked a brow at the wake of the kiss.

"You should've brought Ayaka, Sakusa."

"She's busy, Wan-san."

"I feel so single now."

"Shut up, Driah."

"Ouji!"

"Ah! Wan-san! Don't jump scare him!"

"I'm sorry." Atsumu kissed your shoulders as you scanned your living room full of athletes, him hugging you from the back. "They're really this noisy."

"You're the noisiest." Kiyoomi, who was the nearest, commented.

It took them a while to settle them down, some of them busy with the twins in the cot, some just talking in the kitchen, sneaking out crumbs from the foods out of Ran's sight, or Osamu just leaning back on the single sofa, arms crossed against his chest and with eyes closed. He might be exhausted.

And Atsumu pressed against you while talking with Oliver about the practice that afternoon. He was intertwining your fingers with his as he was indulged with the conversation and you can't help but play with his fingers.

"Are you okay?" That was Kiyoomi, maybe sensing you're out-of-place. Ran's advances to talk to you kept getting punched out by her husband, or Osamu, or the twins whining.

"Yeah."

"Do you know that I know you, even before last week?"

That perked your attention. "Tell me more? How do you know me?"

Kiyoomi chuckled, amused at your enthusiasm. "Well, for some reason, we only knew about you when you broke up with Atsumu last 2 years. He wiped his snot and drool all over the Boys' GC. It was disgusting."

You heard Atsumu gasped at your side amidst his conversation with Oliver. "Did not!" So, he was listening. You narrowed your eyes on him to which he grinned and kissed your cheek.

"It's just the boys that know you, except him." Kiyoomi gestured to Ran's husband that's animatedly telling certain stuffs to Ran who was devotedly listening to him and smiling.

Atsumu leaned to you to whisper, "Because he's an asshole." and nodded, clearly pleased at what he said but when he saw you raised a brow, he immediately pouted and hugged your waist.

"Kita-san?"

"KITA-SAN!? KITA-SAAAAN!"

"Shut upーNot you Kita-san! I was talking to Ran!ーHai! I'm coming."

Osamu stood up and went out of the apartment almost immediately after he talked with presumably, Kita Shinsuke. You felt excitement rushing through your body, but with blots of shame at what happened two years ago. Atsumu might've noticed it because he gripped your hand tighter and brought it to his lips, mouthing an "I am here." before kissing it.

"I love you."

He smiled as the door opened, "I love you too." You brushed his hand before standing up, faced Shinsuke who was with Rin.

"What's with the tension, plushie?"

"I don't know, plushie. Let's ask them the tea later."

"What? Ya not gonna greet me after two years, Y/n?"

You felt your tears welling up as you rushed to Shinsuke and hugged him, he hugged you back just as tight, patting your back.

"'Am sorry, Kita-san."

Those words hold deeper than what it was meant.

"Fer what?" And Atsumu's voice was at your back in an instant, as always. You faced him, smiling, all while ignoring Osamu getting the stuffs Shinsuke and Rin brought.

"Kita-san made me promise not to sacrifice ya fer anything."

And as if on auto, Atsumu's lips quivered at Shinsuke who was already shaking his head and entering the apartment, straight to Ran to hug her tight.

"Yer not gon' do that again, are ya?" It was a whisper, out from the prying ears of all the people in your apartment.

"Nah. Not gon' leave ya."

Atsumu smiled at kissed your forehead before returning back to the crowd. At that split moment you gazed at the entirety of the crowd, a pair of eyes stood out. He was out there with his bestfriend showing her babies to Shinsuke and Rin. And he's staring back at you, like he did hear what you and Atsumu talked about.

And you realized it was a swear, not for Atsumu. But for yourself.

The dinner with the team, Shinsuke and Rin went by. Rin is still awkward with you, though, while he's talkative with Ran and her twins. Well, that's to be expected. You really did a number on Atsumu anyway.

Your soul shot up when a hand grabbed your shoulder and a "Hey" sounded out of nowhere. Ran giggled noticing you got shocked. "Can I use your room? I have to breastfeed."

"Sure!"

"Thank you! You can come in anytime, okay?" You nodded, beamed at her and tickled little Takeshi's cheek.

"Ran's gonna breastfeed. Be back."

"You're not part of that breastfeed session, may I remind you."

"Fuck you." The big man laughed. "No one's gonna hold this other pooper."

Then, the married couple went up to your bedroom while you went back beside Kiyoomi and listened to the discussion at hand.

"ーimagine him being a father already." That was Adriah.

So their discussion was about Ran's husband, huh.

"It fits him."

"When would you marry Ayaka, Sakusa?"

All of them laughed when Kiyoomi choke on his beer and coughed all over. Kiyoomi groaned at Shion who asked that question.

"She would probably laugh me off."

Meian snickered and faced Atsumu who was laughing at Kiyoomi. "You? When?"

Atsumu then turned to you, the same time as Osamu stood up and walked upstairs, maybe to your room where the married couple is. "When she's ready."

You smiled but all you could hear were Osamu's heavy steps in the stairs amidst the teasing of the team and Shinsuke. Rintarou however is staring back at you, narrowed green eyes piercing to your skull. He was nodding after a while and stood up, whispered something to Shinsuke who also stood up, then to Atsumu.

"You're leaving already?"

"Still have to go back to Nagano at dawn or I'm gonna hear it from Motoya. Kita-san also has some work early tomorrow."

Atsumu pouted as you stood up and hugged Shinsuke who petted your hair, "Please, Y/n. Don't do it again hm? If there's a chance of you doing it again, just leave now while it's still early."

"Kita-san?" There was worry all over Atsumu's tone, and as he gazed at you but you just smiled at both of them.

Rin scoffed, "Kita-san, we have to say goodbye to the three upstairs."

And Osamu didn't like it when both of you were left in the bedroom after Shinsuke and the others as well said their goodbyes. Both Ran and her husband be all polite and see them off, leaving you both so awkward with the drowsy twins. He was laying next to Hinata who was cuddling close to him, you ghosting his back and awkwardly standingーor not.

"Stop what you're doing, Osamu." He hated it when you open that damn pretty mouth of yours. He nearly rolled his eyes.

"I can't. I have to pet her for her to sleep. Hinataー"

"You know that's not what I meant." He exhaled, freezing his hands on Hinata's cheek.

"Why? What else was I doing, Y/n?"

"Reminding me you existed."

Osamu scoffed at it; of course you'll be reminded, he practically has the same face as Atsumu's. But other than that, he never had those intentions. He should never have those intentions. You were Atsumu's and will always be. Besides, he knows he's inlove with Ran. For him, you're just something that should stay in his past.

"Not doing anything like that."

Liar. Your tears welled up as it came flooding into you.

"Atsumu. We have to clean up, come on."

"Butー"

"I don't want to leave your apartment all messy. Let's clean up."

Osamu stood up when he heard that but you had to confront him now or never, so you held him back.

"You wasted an afternoon practice just to crash my first date with Atsumu." You pointed out while he scoffed again, incredulous. "You were the first to comfort me when we had our first fight."

Osamu's face can't be painted when he turned to you, "Of course, I can't have you leaving Atsumu over petty things."

"Because of something you suggested. Remember? Getting me as a manager?" Osamu stared you with pursed lips. "You can't deny now? Remember you implied that you love me, Osamu? Remember that you said you can treat me better?"

Osamu charged at you, a couple inches away you can feel his rage it made you want to stand down. "That was before I met Ran." He hissed under his breath, not wanting to make it any more louder. "That was before you and Atsumu."

You can feel tears falling down your cheeks, you really have no idea why. You just wanted to confront him but he was making all these excuses. For what? To hurt you? To get back the pain you caused Atsumu?

"What was that night, then?"

"What? I can't even remember a thing, I was too wastedー"

Ran's husband suddenly went inside casually and stared at you both, mouthing Atsumu's name. You have no time to process that he might've hear something everything, you wiped your tears as you heard Atsumu's familiar bounding steps to your room. Osamu huffed and went straight out of the room, giving way to Atsumu at the door who went confused.

"Gonna load the other things to the car. The twins needs to sleep on their bed."

And Osamu has to get away from you. Fast.

He saw how Ran stood awkwardly at the living room, in mid-fixing the twins' stuffs. "Go get the twins. We're going."

"Didー"

"Go get the twins, Ran."

Ran mouthed a resigned Okay before going up to get the twins, and her husband as well.

Osamu can still hear Atsumu's voice calling out for him as he exited his apartment. He knew Atsumu's worried about what he didn't know was happening in his own premises. Osamu can't help but to rub his hands across his face exasperatedly. The married couple noticed this but chose to be silent, waiting for him to share his burdens.

"Spit it out~" Osamu mused one day alone with Ran in their apartment with the twins. Her husband just left for practice and they were cleaning fast before the double terror wakes up from their naps.

Ran held onto the dishes in the sink as she gazes at Osamu across the living room. "W-what was she like back in high school? Y/n?"

Osamu continued to clutter out the twins' playpen, pondering to or not to give in to Ran's probing. He figured she has to let her know though, since she was his bestfriend, in every sense of the word.

"She's nice."

And then there was silence, Osamu had to look up to find Ran with her brows all furrowed and he chuckled. "Don't throw those dishes at me."

"I won't, if you just get on with it and share. You look clearlyーi don't knowーdisturbed? Agonizing at something?"

Did he really look like that? He wasn't even aware.

"She's nice. She's academically inclined. She used to tutor Atsumu."

"Y/n, can you please tutor me and Osamu?"

"She's brave and cocky."

"Fuck! Why did you punch me?!"

"Well, I don't know, ask the cookies and our grades after!"

"Athletic, too."

"Y/n! Just choose one, geez. You already have tennis!"

"Considerate at times."

"Okay. Atsumu, it's okay. You can be late sometimes. I'll understand."

"She's ー" Osamu huffed as he paused, Ran's back to washing the dishes and humming at his words letting him know she's listening. "She's crazy in love with Atsumu."

"What are you doing here, 'Samu?"

"Ah? Rintarou and I are going to the arcades. You guys wanna come?"

"No. We'll be on our own."

"Come on, Y/n, let's join them."

"She's fragile. Can't even understand how she lasted for a year with Atsumu."

"'Samuuu~ she's liking somebody else's picture! He even commented 'You look nice' to this Ran somebody!"

"But she's goal-driven, she can sacrifice anything to reach her dreams. A wide-vision of her expected future with Atsumu."

"'Samu. She broke up with me."

"She said I can't do volleyball all our life and when I argued with her, she broke up with me saying she can't be with someone so unstable. How's going pro in volleyball so unstable?"

"I don't like when she's reckless and just go on out without even thinking of the consequences for a second."

"Can't know why she still hasn't fallen fer ya."

"Sheー"

"She made you forget something for a while?"

Osamu suddenly stood up, wide eyed at Ran's back who was smiling, putting away the dishes to the dishwasher for secondary wash. And it irritated the hell out of Osamu he stormed to the counter.

"She's a virus, Ran. She's everywhere and I didn't notice it. She's everywhere and threatening to infect everything I have! She's gonna destroy Atsumu and I will not notice it!"

But Ran just turned to him and smiled. "What's holding you back, Osamu?"

"Nothing." He dropped his head low, feeling so drained of what's happening. "Nothing, please stop."

"Osamu." He whined at her demanding tone. "Osamu look at me."

Ran looked at him as if she was gonna drop a bomb, and she did. "Am I, by some wildest assumptions, the reason you're holding back?" Osamu gulped hard at Ran's questioning eyes. "Am I the reason you're turning down every single girl out there to prevent yourself from being happy?"

"Am I preventing you on being happy, Osamu?"

"Yes! So shut up!"

"No."

It felt more like a prayer than it should just be. Osamu will never permit Ran to be the reason of his miserable and complicated life. She will never be the reason for him being lonely. He needs to be, because he has to be.

But here is she, after 7 cycles, confronting him for what felt like forever.

"Are you, perhaps, inlove with me, Osamu?"

He stared at Ran full of emotions for the first time since that incident that led him to this seemed-endless cycle. He already had explored his options, scenarios, simulations, as to how to answer her when she asks again that darned question.

"No, Ran. But I have no choice but to stay with you, yeah?"

And no matter what happened, he knows it'll still be his answer.

"No. No, I'm not inlove with you, Ran. Don't worry."

And she has to feel like his words are true, especially when he saw the wash of relief in Ran's face.

"But I know some who are. You wanna hit on them? Gonna be our secret, don't worry." Osamu chuckled as to how he saw Ran's eyes bulged and her unsightful mannerism came, one of the reasons why he can't do something so rash like confessing out of blue.

☆ VOLLEYBALL IDIOTS - MAIN ☆

CAT | Tora

WHAT!? @Sou Inouka, you made out with some girl and you were filmed?

DT | Mai

😳😲

CAT | Lev

ERASED IT ALREADY! I SWEAR!

OWL | Akinori

send.

SJ | Maki

my DMs are open 💅

FOX | Rintarou

ehem

DT | Kenji

hi Lev

CAT | Sou

Hate you all!

@Ran

CAT | Kenma

Grabbed the wild card this early 🤣

CAT | Sou

They won't stop, Kenma-san!

STZ | Taichi

Boo! 😆

CRW | Ran

I have a question!

and stop bullying sou-chan 😄

FOX | Samu

I'm sorry guys. She got me cornered.

Ran gasped at Osamu's side. "EXCUSE ME!?" Osamu just laughed, but it faded as the GC notifs went on.

Kiyoomi Sakusa added you to the groupchat

Kiyoomi Sakusa changed your nickname to FUTURE MIYA

RAN'S PLUSHIE

Put a distinction @Kiyoomi Sakusa LOL

FOX | Shin

Yes. Coz we have two Miyas here.

FOX | Rintarou

LMAO Hi @FUTURE MIYA

Ran side-eyed Osamu and his mood that turned sour instantly at the development in the GC. His lips form a thin line, sign of annoyance and Ran immediately ran a comforting one finger massage in his forehead, a familiar gesture she always do when Osamu's like this in front of her.

"The boys don't like her for what she did to Atsumu?" Osamu nodded and discarded his phone while Ran huffed as she types away. "If you have feelings for her or none, you have to give her closure or something, you know? She won't be at peace in her current relationship if you don't give her that detail, that period of whatever you have with each other."

"Atsumu.."

"And Atsumu will have to stomach it all up. You're a part of his girlfriend's life, let alone his own twin. He has to be open-minded of what she have with you. He should trust you, like how plushie trusts you. The problem here is, we don't know what's Y/n's take on you. It will be a disaster if she hasーugh, that's frustrating."

Osamu couldn't blame Ran for stressing out. He believes it's your fault, and that what you said that he reminds you of his existence, it goes both ways. Why do you have to poke up again into his life?

And Atsumu. He genuinely cares of Atsumu's welfare and emotions, he can't mess this up. His twin loves you with all his heart, much to show that he took you back into his life after the break up.

You're making it hard for him.

But he doesn't know it's harder for you. These past few days feel like you're treading in shattered glasses, walking slowly, praying nothing will prick you but alas! It finally pierced through your flesh.

Atsumu's gone curious about what happened between you and Osamu, and you continuously lie about it; preferred saying it's because of the previous break-up rather than the messy one that would probably break you both again, never to return back again.

And you're scared, coz even if Osamu's there, you know you love Atsumu, you feel it deep in your guts that you love the man you're with right now. Not his twin. Not Osamu. Atsumu.

You're scared of what will he say, scared of what would he feel, scared of everything that might hurt him.

"Are you okay? I'm really worried. Please talk to me, Y/n."

You smiled at him, being obscure with sniffing, gulping your tears as you thought of how to open up these things to him.

"I'm okay, 'Tsumu."

"Will a hug work?"

But you can't really control the waterworks when you're around this pure-hearted man. Before you can even nod, he hugged you tight, petting your hair and kissing your forehead for as long as you needed, shushing you, soothing your sobs.

You don't deserve someone like Atsumu. You'll break him and his brother. You thought you were already okay, you thought it's gonna be different this time. But escaping something deep would just suck you right back in. You knew you have to manually bury everything to get to the surface again, to hold Atsumu again.

You hated the thought of sacrificing Atsumu again. You regretted each waking day that you're not with him. You regretted every decision that caused him pain. He should just be happy. He should just be happy and nothing else. He deserves the world.

But here you are, threatening to hurt him again.

"You love Atsumu, huh?"

"With all my heart, Osamu. With all of my heart. So pleaseー"

"Okay."

You have to fix your relationship with Osamu as fast as you can, before Atsumu hears about it. He has to cooperate. He has to.

"Ah! Y/n, don't lie~"

"What?"

"Your birthday wish was Osamu to like you, too."

"Don't lieee~"

"He was your crush since Primary."

Fuck. You can do this, Y/n. Focus on Atsumu. Focus on Atsumu.

It has been peaceful for 5 months, if you call theー not interacting with Osamu, avoiding him every gathering, and avoiding Rintarou tooーpeaceful. You know Ran and her husband has an idea about what's happening under Atsumu's welcome mat and you're all so grateful they aren't doing anything to complicate things more. Whenever Ran talks with you, she avoids mentioning Osamu as much as she can. She was sincere on having you as her friend, getting to know you more. And her husband doesn't mind what he saw that night at all. He just gave you a pat in the shoulder when he saw you again. It made you weary too, for if Atsumu will know about this from people other than you, Ran and her husband will be dragged onto the mess you created.

You hated being the cause of everything bad that's happening to the kind people around you. It made you wonder why have you ever existed. You're awful.

"Y/n." You whirled around, your astronaut helmet-like kiddie hat got lopsided to the side of your head. He stood tall, also with his kiddie hat, brooding eyes on you.

"Osamu."

╰► PART 2

Reblogs and interactions are appreciated. Theories will be entertained. Cassie 2023.

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auxiliarydetective · 7 months

Text

We've done it!

Or, more accurately, you've done it! Thanks to you, my fellow Tumblrinas, I've actually managed to hit 200 followers!

I never thought I would get this far, but I'm eternally grateful for all the love you've given me, and I can't wait to share many more brainrots with you!

In tune with that, I've decided: Why not let you look even further into my mind? I've given you lots of writing, but why not provide some visuals? And so, in thinking about what I wanted to do for my 200 followers celebration, I came up with...

⁕ Evie's Mind Palace Festival! ⁕

(Placing a cut so this doesn't get too long ^^)

As depicted in this lovely graphic above, I'm going to be focusing on my OCs' fashion for this little event. But not just that! I'll get to the bonuses later :)

For now, text version! Because Tumblr likes not loading images and some people may not be able to view the image

↬ Step 1: Pick an OC of your choice! From my OCs, that is. Hope that was clear. Anyone from the list. I'll even throw in a little bonus and say that unintroduced OCs are allowed! That means the ones on this list AND ones I may have rambled to to you in a chat we've had.

↬ Step 2: Pick an occasion prompt! The prompts are as follows:

Casual (aka everyday wear, aka their basic character design or an alternate outfit or it)

Formal

Training/Athletic

Battle (this may overlap with either 1. or 3. for some characters, but let's assume they actually get geared up for battle)

Hot weather (your typical summer clothes)

Cold weather (sweaters, winter coats, you name it)

Swimwear

Canon event (may overlap with some other categories, but I made this a separate thing for the lore opportunities it provides) - Make sure to specify what canon event you want!

Stealing clothes - You can include who the character should steal from in your ask, otherwise I will pick the victim myself.

Holiday-themed - Pick your holiday! Any holiday counts.

Fandombend - Pick your fandom! (This will probably come with some headcanons on what the OC would be like in the new fandom)

Inspired by a song - Please, pick a song! Preferably from the OC's playlist. I should have a playlist for almost every OC. Hop into the "#playlist" tag on my blog to find them and, if they're not posted over there anywhere, tap on any playlist that's there, let it take you to my Spotify profile, and hop into the "Character Playlists" folder!

↬ Step 3: If you want, pick an extra prompt! Your options are:

Historical - Please specify your time frame! You don't necessarily have to, but I tend to be an indecisive little gremlin, so it would make things a little easier if you could pick ^^"

Fantasy (This, of course, makes little sense if the OC is already in a fantasy setting)

Sci-fi (Once again, this makes little sense if the OC is already in a sci-fi setting)

Steampunk

Cultural - Please pick a culture for me to take inspiration from! It doesn't have to be a real-life culture. For example, you could pick Japan for some kimono art or you could pick the Kuja from One Piece!

Color prompt - Pick your color! I ask that you do keep it at one color so that I have some more freedom, and I won't take specific hex codes either because those specific hex codes might clash with the OC's color palette

Prompt of your choice - This can be literally anything! Yes, also an occasion, in which case it would replace your original occasion prompt. I just didn't have the space to add in all occasions known to man, so if you have another idea, this is where to put it.

↬ Step 4: Send your ask! Done!

Once you've sent your ask, please keep in mind that it might take me a while to answer it. I'll then make a collage/moodboard and get the ask posted. Maybe, I'll also draw your prompt, depending on if I have the energy and/or time for it. If I plan on doing that, I'll let you know in the post and tag you once I have the drawing finished! I may also be swayed into adding a little fic snippet to the answer, if I do feel so inclined. Maybe a song to match the vibes? It'll be a little surprise!

► Rules:

Be nice! It's not hard, and it's basically all I ask.

This is the one time you might not want to shower me in asks because these asks might take a bit to answer. I'm not putting a cap on how many asks per person you're allowed to send, just maybe be mindful of how long they take to answer and space them out over the time of the event.

I'll be accepting asks from the time that this is posted until March 17th. The event ends with the strike of midnight starting the next day. Whenever that may be in your time zone. As long as it's still 23:59 on March 17th somewhere around the world, send in your ask. I might also extend the event if asks keep coming in and I have the energy to keep going.

↬ Additional info for mutuals: You get to ask for crossovers! Just pick one of my OCs and one of yours and I'll try my best to draw them. I might bother you for references though, so be prepared! It doesn't matter how long we've been mutuals for! It could've been five minutes, you're still allowed to send in crossover asks. As long as we're mutuals, let's say, at the time that the ask is answered, it's all good. In practice, that means that you just need to be following me to be able to send in a crossover request. If you ask nicely and maybe say something about why you'd think why our two children would go well together and we share a fandom, it's very unlikely that I'll deny your request and won't follow you back.

Also, if you've ever wanted to say something about my OCs and/or me and my blog, this might be the perfect time for you to do it.

Okay, that's it for now! Love you, everyone! Here's to more fandom-y shenanigans!

Also, behold my new non-OC post divider! It features a lineart sketch of my blog icon in the middle! The icon was designed by @benevolenterrancy pretty much exactly two years ago when they realized my old icon was not, in fact, a unicorn. I still go full-on heart-eyes mode whenever I see my icon, so I figured it was time to remind everyone of the amazing artist that created it <3

Taglist: @starcrossedjedis @oneirataxia-girl @daughter-of-melpomene @fluffle-system @wheresmybloodynauglamir @supermarine-silvally @nanukanal @cody-helix02 (I believe this is the first time I've ever used my full taglist, aka the basic taglist plus everyone from fandom-specific taglists - wowie!) - Let me know if you'd like to be added or removed, for specific fandoms or the general list!

#evie's events #evie's mind palace festival

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astolfofo · 11 months

Text

POSTING UNFINISHED SHIT PART 2.

For context; this is a part of a Yandere Ango fic that I was gonna write, but I didn't finish. Why? Because shit happened lmao. Basically the AU is based on the theory of Fyodor needing to destroy Yokohama for the book. And he did. All ability users lost their abilities, and many of them died. Ango, being one of the few that survived the incident. So yokohama is now a barren wasteland.

TW: nothing much actually, there's kind of implied survivor's guilt, implied mental torture if you squint.

You used to be able to use your ability, as naturally as someone was able to raise their arm. You felt like it was a piece of you, almost like an arm or a limb that a part of your body. Almost like it was a fundamental part of your being. And if it was lost, you’d never be the same.

Yet that limb was amputated. And you were so blissfully unaware and clueless, you felt nothing as it was served off your body, that you had only realized now, what had happened since then. The pieces of the puzzle completely lined together now that you thought about it, and you felt… so stupid, for not realizing this sooner.

Your mind seemingly clicked everything together now, as you sat, held captive against your own will, inside this… prison, or so it seemed. The walls were completely white, the tables were white, it almost looked like one of those interrogation rooms criminals were held in to be tourtured in, with the straight jackets and all. But for you, it wasn’t like that. You were half bare. Only wearing a t-shirt, and shorts, that were completely white, matching the colour of this room. Your body was freezing, and you felt as if you were going mad. Hell, you couldn’t even stand, since your ankle was tied to the chair with a handcuff. You had lost track of the time you had been here, and you… you didn’t really want to know how long you were here for. It wasn’t of your best interest to know you had been left here to rot for an indefinete amout of time.

For times like these, it was better to let your mind sink into its own thoughts, and make up its own imaginations of why you were here. You thought about everything that had happened up until this point. Your childhood, your university life, your job. You shuddered at the thought. It was obviously your job that had landed you here, wasn’t it? A signed discreet contract that often required you to risk your entire life and credit, for a lackluster pay. And when you were assigned to go to Yokohama, you thought it would be an easy job: it was simply to spy on the government and take as much data, through any means as you could. Especially on the gifted of this state. You didn’t expect it, one day to end like this: imprisoned, and most likely being sentenced to a near lifelong sentence. It didn’t take much to figure out who had eveutnally caught you, and put you here too.

Ango Sakaguchi. The government worker you had the misfortune of… engaging with. It was true, you had lied about everything you did to him, and it wasn’t like he had a track record of you either, since you weren’t even from Japan. You were from the west, with a completely dataless profile, and no identity whatsoever. All your passports, name, social security number, profession, were all fake. They were made up. And indeed, you felt extreme amounts of guilt manipulating, and using Ango to get the data you needed. After all, you were aware of how much he truly loved you.

And you were never able to love him back.

You shook your head. No, you didn’t have a choice. It was your job. It was against the very nature of that job to develop emotional attachments to rival nations, otherwise you would never be able to be successful. But still, it didn’t mean that you weren’t allowed to feel guilt for everything you had ever done to Ango, who was truly convinced that you loved him too. You shuddered to imagine his very reaction, when you scrawled out that very half-assed letter, and left your engagement ring on top of the counter, explaining the truth: well, it was the least he deserved, after everything you had ever done to him. And the guilt that gnawed, it consumed you alive, the entire time while you boarded the taxi, and went on the plane to go back home. Obviously, you were aware you would always be punished for pulling something like that, but you never expected it to happen in this way.

And at one point you managed to forget this too. You were expected to be excessively cruel, merciless, and as ruthless needed. However much, however much violence it took to get the job. However many people you needed to hurt in the process, it didn’t matter. But you didn’t want that. You were only ruthless as you needed to be.

You shifted your position again, resting your head on your arms, and stare at the wall. “I’m a terrible person, aren’t I?” you mutter. “I’m sorry, Ango. I…” you break off. It was pointless, no words could ever fix the damage that had been done. The least you could hope was that Ango was more slack with your punishment. Not that that was going to happen. You’d expect him to go harder on you if anything. He didn’t really seem like the forgiving or forgetting type.

Your voice echoes around the room, followed by radio silence. You sigh. It’s not like you were expecting anything anyways. Maybe you were just going insane as well, with the lack of sensory stimulation. Maybe you were just caving to… whatever this was.

Oh well, whatever. You think to yourself. It’s not like I was expecting anything to happen. If I still had my ability, I would have left here a long time ago. Oh wait… that’s right. Abilities don’t exist anymore.

Shortly after you left, Yokohama was destroyed, along with the majority of ability users inside of that city. A few days followed by that, all abilities perished, if not the user itself. You weren’t exactly sure how these two events were connected, but there was definitely a relationship, given that the majority of the gifted population resided in Yokohama. It was more populated with gifted, more than any other location in the west. Nowadays, the city stands as a ghost town that was only once was filled with life. From what you had heard, something similar to a nuclear bomb had been detonated, and the city crumbled.

And you were shocked when you heard the news. It wasn’t anything new that Yokohama was famous for the number of gifted users present, at least from what you heard, but to think that… something unknown destroyed some of the most powerful and intelligent people in the world scared you. You needed to know what it was.

And curiosity got the best of you. You quit your job, and booked the next flight to Japan. Indeed, you were painstakingly aware about the fact this event had happened several years ago, and it was only disclosed to you now but… you didn’t care. You needed to go back there. Maybe it was out of guilt, maybe it was just your sick fascination with the place you had ended up developing a connection in. You weren’t sure what it was, but the urge to go see the aftermath was stronger than anything you had known.

You had managed to get into the area with ease, there was little to no security. You wonder if doing this was a bad idea. Well, besides trespassing property, you didn’t know what caused the explosion. It geninuely looked like the remains of a nuclear wasteland. That was alarming to say the least.

But you weren’t here to truly explore. You wanted to go to one place in particular: the place where you had first met Ango. Maybe part of you was hoping you’d find him there too, but you know that wasn’t likely. Nigh impossible.

You walked past the familiar streets, that were somehow engrained into your memory at this point, despite the missing street signs and broken buildings, and you finally reached the office. The government office. The place where you first met Ango.

You were hesitant. You wanted to go inside the building, but you also didn’t really want to do that. It was one of the remaining intact buildings despite the broken windows and paling bricks. You push the door open. It’s empty.

You feel scared. You’re not sure why. Almost if you’re not alone, and you shouldn’t be here. But that was just your brain trying to reason with your conscience… right? You didn’t want to believe otherwise.

You keep going. There’s nothing good that will come from going to the end of the hall, on the ground floor. There’s nothing good that will come out of walking up those stairs to go to Ango’s room. But you can’t help yourself. You never were. In the moments after you left, you wondered what Ango felt. Betrayal? Rage? Disappointment? You can’t say for sure, you were never there.

You reach the desginated floor, and turn left again, exiting the staircase. It’s so empty here. The last time you were here, it was filled with people, constant phones ringing, and the sound of the printer going. Now, it’s just eerie. The large glass panel still stands, letting light in, and the hallway remains intact with most of the inside of the building being preserved. But it’s empty. It’s not the same anymore.

And it’s never gonna be filled with people anymore.

Why was that so disappointing to realize? You wonder to yourself. Did you really miss this place that much? What was there even to long for? You always told yourself that you never truly loved ango, and it was solely for the purpose of your job that you married him, but were you wrong?

Indeed, ango did treat you like a human being, a lot more than many people could say as they did to you. But you can’t have fallen in love that easily. You’re better than that. Plus, for all you know Ango may have lied to you as well. Not just in one way.

You walked towards the other end of the hall, cloudy daylight filled both ends of the hallway, making whatever predicament you were in more gloomy than needed. Your shoes echo in the hallway, despite the floor being carpeted.

It doesn’t matter why you wanted to come here anyways, you think to yourself. You’ll just say a proper apology and goodbye, and leave again. It’s not like Ango’s here anymore. For all you know, he might be dead, given he is an ability user himself.

Just put it to an end, you tell yourself. Put it in the past, and move on. That’s all you can do now. It can’t be helped. It’s a gone situation. You’re alone. And it’ll always be that way.

You open the door to his office, one last time. You tell yourself it’s okay. You tell yourself that you need to forgive yourself even if he doesn’t forgive you. You know he’s also guilty of betrayal, he’s mentioned it before. Yet it should be proper courtesy to apologize and say goodbye like this. Even if it wasn’t to him in person, it was a gesture.

#yandere ango x reader #yandere ango #ango sakaguchi #yandere bungo stray dogs #yandere bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd x reader #ango x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader

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betterbooktitles · 7 months

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I went through a tough breakup one summer. I closed all the curtains in my apartment and played Wii games day and night. I’d like to believe games saved me from a few other self-destructive habits but I was participating in those at the same time. I was using games to escape working through any negative feelings. All I managed to do was delay those feelings. That was the summer I worked on a paint crew and I was fired for not showing up too many days in a row. We can count at least one job lost to gaming (and drinking/sleeping in). Also, the time spent on The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess may or may not have precipitated the end of that relationship. Who’s to say?

When I think of the parties I’ve skipped, the hours of sleep I’ve lost, and the months of not reading or writing a word, video games account for a lot of lost time.

There were several games after that summer that I let eat up time. Fallout 3 shaved 4 hours of sleep a night off my regular schedule. Red Dead Redemption became a second job. By the time Dark Souls arrived, I bought it, decided it was ruining my life, and returned it to the store, only to repurchase it months later when I realized a mistake I had made that could be easily fixed and make the game more fun. It was not fun.

When The Last of Us came out, its main selling point to me was that you could finish it in under 15 hours. That’s a few more hours than the HBO miniseries based on the game! I don't believe this will be a trend in gaming. More likely, we’ll be stuck with all-encompassing games like Grand Theft Auto except worse because you’ll have a Meta Quest on your head. You'll have literal blinders on.

The book Reality is Broken explores the benefits of virtual worlds in the face of a deteriorating social structure and planet. Despite the games being used as a salve, other books like Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus and Adam Alter’s Irresistible, point out that the people making these alternate worlds actively disengage from them. Most especially World of Warcraft, a game tantamount to a slot machine. The people designing these pastimes won’t even get “high on their own supply” to quote Alter’s book. Some social media developers won’t let their kids use Instagram. Some Google employees try their hardest to unplug for long stretches and practice mindfulness. There are game designers who refuse to play certain games because they know people who spend 16 hours a day playing them. The issue with the “Do whatever you enjoy. Who cares??” attitude is that there are plenty of enjoyable habits and substances that will literally kill you if you do them too often. You might not succumb to World of Warcraft’s charms but I know I should not try it.

I know video game addiction is not as punk rock as substance abuse. A former coke addict can feel an intense urge from merely seeing a picture of the substance, like reading the word yawn and needing to yawn. It’s a trigger. If you’ve never played a game in the way I’m describing, my writing about it isn’t all that enticing, but my relationship to a game like Civilization 4, a disc I had to break in half in front of my wife to stop playing, or Dark Souls, which took up so much time when I was on a writing deadline, I took my well-worn copy and gift-wrapped it with a note saying “do not reopen until birthday” is all-encompassing. I can’t read a sentence in a history book that deals with troop movements now without getting the itch to turn on Civilization and kill 10 hours.

I feel like David Foster Wallace as played by Jason Segel in the movie version of the book about the profile of the writer called The End of the Tour.

“I am also aware that some addictions are sexier than others. My primary addiction my entire life has been to television. I told you that. Now television addiction is of far less interest to your readers than something like heroin, that confirms the mythos of the writer.”

I quit a job once after going to see Penn and Teller on Broadway, and reading in the playbill a fact I already knew: that the pair decided at a young age to only make money from entertainment, thus guaranteeing they succeeded or starved. It sounds scary but it worked. And Teller said the words (ironic) that I needed to hear: the true commodity in this life is time. They didn’t want day jobs interfering with their art. I realized an office job that expected me to work a 10-hour day plus commute was digging into my creative waking hours, but what happens when your fun takes anywhere from 4-18 hours a day?

To clarify: I don’t think video games are bad for you. I think they’re bad for me. There is a healthy way to consume games, but that’s like telling an alcoholic that one or two glasses of wine won't hurt. I start a new game the way Ken Erdedy gets stoned in Infinite Jest: I close the blinds and make myself dead to the world for a weekend. When I can’t get away with that, I spend hours away from the games thinking about what I’d like to do when I finally have the time to settle into one again. Every game is a bender.

Read the rest of the essay about video game addiction, Final Fantasy, and growing up in the 90s here.

#lit #reading #writing #gaming #video games #essay #addiction #funny #memoir #long reads #long post #final fantasy #dan wilbur #better book titles

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stvlti · 5 months

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Fic writer tag

@silenthillmutual tagged me in this challenge. Cheers! Here are my answers:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Not counting orphaned / anonymous works, I have 48 fics across both accounts

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

168,810 (sum total of both accounts)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

DC comics & related media; Death Note; Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (way way back); Noragami (also way way back).

I used to write RPF too (I was a teenager, of course I did) but I've scrubbed all that from my ao3 profiles.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

top 5 fics not including anonymous ones:

Old aches become new again (DCU | Jason & Dick shenanigans, background Jay/Roy/Kori)

Imposter Syndrome (DCU | JayRoy)

Growing Pains (DCU × The Lego Batman Movie | Dick & Batdad gen fic)

if you can't summon your own tentacles, store-bought is fine (DCU | JayRoy)

the hands that worship you (Black Mirror: Bandersnatch | Colin/Stefan)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Always! It might take days weeks or months depending on what I have going on in my life but yeah :) unless it's a hate comment or bad faith criticisms. Oh and comments asking questions that I've already answered in the author's notes or in other comments or in the text itself (which yes, has happened before. I guess it was good for ""engagement "" but it's not stuff I want to explain again and again like a broken record. I'm not paid to do that - unlike at my day job.......)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

🤡 I've written my fair share of dark fics so it's definitely one of those ones. You can DM me if you wanna know but I am not telling on myself here

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Growing Pains, no contest, because it ends with trans acceptance 💚

But I also think happy endings at the end of a high stakes fic are even more rewarding? In which case it would have to be This Mirror Ain't Big Enough For the Two of Us

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have, once, on a genderbend fic. Some guy was outraged I made Jason a girl lol. But hate comments are few and far between for me because I'm not a bnf by any means

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

Yeah. I write a lot of pwps because they're easy. From there I either go into pwp with feelings territory, crack territory or, well, if it's a dark fic...........one of my longest nsfw fics is a Jason Todd/Scarecrow fic. You get the picture. (That one isn't without plot though.)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

Man. I actually once wrote a YouTube RPF x Death Note crossover. iykyk. But out of my surviving fics the only crossover that I still have posted online is a Death Note x DC fic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've translated other people's fics, but I don't think I've had mine translated by others

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes but that's from before my ao3 days

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Rem x Misa (Death Note). I go through phases of shipping different pairings but Rem x Misa is the one that I can always come back to and write stuff for / look at art about.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My Teen Titans Dark Academia au. And on that note: I don't even know if I'll have the time to come back to writing long fics period. It's been 8 months since I last worked on my Jaime (Blue Beetle)/Eddie (Kid Devil)/Rose Wilson/Traci 13 road trip & interdimensional travel fic...........

16. What are your writing strengths?

My prose when I'm in the mood to write well. Poetry is my main medium these days so I'm very good at throwing in lots of one liners into my prose too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Trying to pace my story beats and juggle multiple subplots once my projects get into 10K+ / long fic territory.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

As long as the author actually knows what they're doing. The language has to be authentic and not Google Translate gibberish. And then for accessibility's sake they should include the translation either in-text or in the end notes.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

YouTube RPF 😑

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

It's a tie between:

And the encore lasts forever (DCU x Titans TV | trans!Jason/Rose)

Exit Strategy (DCU | Rose Wilson character study)

Tagging @kiseiakhun @thenaphorism @shhhenanigans @smagata @reaperlight @mihaelkeehl or any mutuals who post fics!

#tag game #writing tag

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windingcorridor · 1 year

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Manhunt is a life-changer, the kind of book that shifts your insides around and makes room for itself. I finished it at 3am last night, and have been wandering around the house since. I feel hollowed out. I want to- need to- read it again. Christ.

This book has a ton of Content Warnings, some stemming from genre, most stemming from its premise and perspective. CW: transphobia, dead-naming, cannibalism, dysphoria, rape, implied incest, fatphobia, public execution, slavery, torture, body horror.

Disclaimer: I'm writing this review from my perspective as a man exploring their gender, folding in They/ Them pronouns with my He/ Him. While I have considered in myself whether or not I am a woman, I don't think I am. Do with that info what you will.

I found Manhunt on a recommendation shelf at my local bookstore- shout out to Eagle Eye Books in Decatur, GA- and its cover grabbed me instantly. It's a shocking image, blunt in its implication and color. It's a fitting one, too, echoing the words inside. You're going to get grabbed and the story isn't going to let go until the last.

You can get a synopsis for the thing anywhere, so no need here. Just know that Fran & Beth's story starts with the punchline- "What if being a man turned you into a rage zombie?"- and runs red with it. Being a trans woman is already goddam hard in the real world- now imagine people looking at you the same way people in zombie movies look at people who have been bit. It's a fantastic grounding device, with Felker-Martin using it as a jumping off point to point out how fucked transphobia can get.

Speaking of rage, this book is so full of anger and hatred, righteous and otherwise. It smacks you, not just inside the content but with its construction. Felker-Martin hates transphobes, trustfund child-adults, people who will put a hashtag on their twitter profile but never do anything. She never writes this out explicitly, but the way th`e story is told? Buddy, she makes that very clear.

The characters are deliciously complex. You start with easy sketches- the pretty one, the strong one, the fat one, the TERF, the trans man, etc- but you hop from perspective to perspective often enough that things begin to mold into a rich picture.

(If I have any criticism of the book at all, it's that, occasionally, we shift perspective so fast and often that timelines can get wobbly. I'll think it's only been a few hours in-story, but then a character will mention it's been a few weeks. It course corrects cleanly, though, and never became too much of an issue.)

One of the perspective characters- Ramona- is a part of The Legion, militarized TERFs who have taken over huge swaths of the US in name of eradicating "men wearing womanface." Thing is, Ramona has a thing for trans women. By day, she's an XX chromosome tattoo wearing Nazi, by night she's sleeping with a trans lover in a secret brothel. She hates her hypocrisy (so many of the characters ooze self-hatred), but she is so caught up in the fervor of her movement that she can't slow down.

These contradictions cover the whole cast. At times, I hated them. Others, I loved them. By the end, all I wanted to do is spend more time with them.

It's here I want to say- I love you, Beth. It's obvious that the author loves you, too. Not in the "here's-some-plot-armor" way, the book isn't cheap like that. The author writes Beth and all of the other trans characters with so much empathy, personal history, and heart, it's difficult not to see them as breathing, beautiful people.

When you have a book like this- one that moves at so much force- you worry that there isn't a way in hell that it will stick the ending. Happy to report that as much of a power-drill the last act is, I left the book satisfied. I, alone in my living room, warm forgotten beer on the coffee table, wife and daughter asleep in the next room, muttered, "Whoa," when I read the last paragraph.

So, yeah. Read Manhunt. It isn't for everyone. The best art never is. But if you allow yourself to be taken by it, hold on.

Nick <3

#books #book review #horror #gender #transgender #manhunt #gretchen felker martin

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infiwrites · 11 months

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20 Fanfic Questions

Tagged by: @therev28

Tagging: @zinziinziiin aaaand whoever else wants to do this one!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

One hundred and thirty nine!

2. What's your total word count?

I currently have 245,166 published! What I have that's unpublished.... Ahahahahahah....... It's over 300k if the last time I counted a few months ago was anything to go by

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Vocaloid, Love Love (Aqours, sometimes Niji), D4DJ, Nikkiverse (Shining Nikki & Love Nikki)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

50 Ways I Say "I Love You" — KaiMei, Vocaloid; Dia-nial — DiaRiko, LLSIF; Inspiration — Dia, LLSIF; Ghosts In The Apartment — KaiMei, Vocaloid; O One — DiaRiko, LLSIF

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I enjoy talking about my fics, so I'll usually respond. Some I don't answer though, either because I can't think of anything to say or because I'm unsure how I feel about the comment in the first place. Luckily, I can only count two people who fit the latter category, both of whom are blocked.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?Uhhhhh angstiest one that I've ever written involves a d4dj zombie apocalypse AU that features multiple deaths, which ends with some wildly unhealthy AoRika sacrifice. That fic is probably never getting finished, though, so. Rip. Angstiest that's been posted is probably Lavender Blue, a Love Nikki fic I wrote after reaching the part where Lunar died.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh god I don't even know which one to answer for this one. Proooooobably "Crumbs of the Whole?" At least out of my longfics, that's the happiest one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not recently! I've never gotten a nasty comment on this account so far, but I've definitely gotten some flames in the past for writing characters they didn't like, and writing angst when they wanted a happy ending. Lmao.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sometimes! I mostly write F/F, though I've done F/M a couple times bc KaiMei.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't normally write crossovers, though I do have a Sunshine/D4DJ one I'll get around to eventually. Craziest one was probably an unironic Vocaloid/Transformers one I wrote back in the day that I think I took down?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, but I wouldn't be surprised.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Unfortunately, no, but if anyone wants to give it a go, I've got blanket permissions for it on my profile!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yep! Excluding the 100k+ RPs I've done over the years, I've also written a fic with @zinziinziiin — "Road Tripping", an AyuKarin we wrote for IFHeaven's hunger games. I also co-wrote a Warriors fanfic on FFnet back around 2013-2014, but I don't remember what it was called or who I wrote it with. I believe it was taken down at some point, though, so it's a bit of a moot point.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

DiaRiko or KaiMei.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

"How It Feels", a future fic centered around Ruby navigating how different life is for Aqours when she returns to Numazu after going to school for tailoring and finding Dia in an unhappy marriage and the events of getting her out of it. It was a longfic that I kept thinking about, but never got around to writing out in full. I doubt I'll ever have the steam for it at this rate, especially since my focus is elsewhere these days.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Prose and internal narration, I think!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue and pacing are the biggest ones I struggle with.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

No real strong thoughts on it in itself—though if the POV narrator is supposed to understand it (and by extension, the reader) I'd at least like the meaning able to be gleaned from context so I don't have to scroll to the end for the author's note translation of the conversation before having to scroll back to where I was; if you want readers who do not speak the language to be able to follow along, that's really not a good way to go about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Disney fairies fanfic when I was like. 8 or something. The first fandom I wrote for while consciously knowing what fanfic was? Proooooobably MLP??? It's been over ten years and I don't remember SHIT, lmao

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Even after all these years, it's still gotta be Dia-nial. It's a disaster, it's a shit show, it's a shitpost that sprouted an actual plot, but my god is it a delight to write and reread. It rides the line of taking itself seriously while also not; it's stupidly funny until it kicks your teeth in. It's not my most refined work—not by a long shot—but I really do think it's my most lively fic to date.

"The analogy and her problems were year-round." fucking gets me every time

#tag meme

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vuetyris · 1 year

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𝓜𝔂 𝓫𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓲𝓼 𝓯𝓾𝓵𝓵

So just whichever general update; still stick in the pendulum of part-time that just eeks out enough independence, but barely gives enough time before/after to work on anything unless I crawl-out-of-bed-right-to-work unless its off days. The horrors :tm: from last year and earlier this year still doing a number but generally working through it if it wasn't kicked off the dock constantly.

Since last year been struggling to scramble back up to the rate of focus I had, and while have managed well enough between I'm still, *AAA* too many things to do, so many things to try and figure out - kicking executive dysfunction out of the way of each. Ultimately wish I had access to the system I work on now, but :/ ah well.

Unfiltered physical plans/projects? Tote bag pair, cat item bag, rabbit throw, summer skirt (triple digit heat for weeeeks), Felt/yarn as a memoriam. Binder organizing and filling (I got three)! Re-wicking candle. Unfiltered digital plans? Finish (unnumbered) character portraits/profiles on TH (I got it down to just Monere ones left), finish the already started character ref sheets, finish the already started half-finished art (one I want to make a plush off hngngn), collect/organize/complete another explicit write/art set, work on one of the MANY low and/or high intensity art plans already laid out but I either haven't the time or energy to put into them. ffff

Since March it's gotten a lot tighter money wise to be ready at the end of each month :( and the horrors :tm: of another huge monthly bite out of me might take out any energy I'm trying to put into reserves so I have the energy to be more social. It's just - schedule won't allow it, living situation won't allow it, financial situation won't allow it, platforms won't allow it, and it takes all my unfiltered energy just to get through the day most the time. Especially as I end up just brute-forcing through my chronic fatigue on a daily basis to keep afloat.

#vueraun #vuemakes #talkpost

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nurturingfather44 · 1 year

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Cape Town High School Performs Easter Bunny To Offer Much Less Lucky Eggs

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fictionfromafar · 1 year

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A Death In Denmark by Amulya Mallad

A Death In Denmark

By Amulya Malladi

William Morrow (Harper Collins)

Paperback Publication Date: 11 May 2023

To get one of my bugbears out quickly first, I’ll admit that I’m not so keen on novels with broad and obvious title although I must say that I rarely find that a predictable title means a predictable read.

I was interested to note that this is Amulya Malladi’s ninth novel and a very quick look at her previous novels indicates that these could be categorised either as literary fiction (The Mango Season) or Romance (The Copenhagen Affair). While you would certainly hope that many readers would be able to enjoy all of her public work, it perhaps appears evident that the “death” of the title was given in order to give a heads up that this is a crime fiction novel. In fact, it appears this will be the first of many as the book cover clearly indicates that this is first in a new series by Malladi, featuring a main protagonist called Gabriel Præst.

While I am reasonably familiar with Denmark and very familiar with its crime fiction writers, I felt Malladi’s background in other types of fiction and also her south Asian heritage could provide an interesting perspective as well as a contract to some of the more traditional Nordic noir writers. The opening chapter of this book provides a string historical setting, the impact of which will not be known for quite some time. It’s an intriguing and ominous start which indicates that the novel will have some substance and depth. Having finished the novel, I can say with certainty that it does so.

I found a pleasing surprise in the subsequent chapter, set in contemporary Copenhagen as the reader first encounters Præst in a blues music bar that I have previously visited in the city. Told in first person narrative, the former police officer, now private investigator and occasion blues musician immediately observes the arrival in the bar of someone whom he knew very well in the past. However, given his position on stage, he can only imagine what it can relate to until such time as the band is able to complete their set. This time allows us to understand that Leila, who runs a legal practice is a woman that Gabriel Præst had a relationship with in the past. This to his obvious regret that ended badly and that she must have only come to see him as a last resort.

Leila informs Præst that she is intended to appeal a life sentence given to Yousef Ahmed who was convicted of the murder of far-right politician Sanne Melgaard. While the case had been high profile, Præst then goes to see Nico, a friend with benefits who tells him more about Ahmed’s circumstances. His apparent motive for killing Melgaard was the murder of his own son by ISIS as he had worked as a Danish interpreter in Iraq but then was refused asylum in Denmark. Melgaard, whose party followed an anti-immigration agenda, not only agreed with the rejection of the asylum request but also made sweeping statements about the man’s Muslim religion. The investigation leads Gabriel Præst to make enquires around the people who knew Sanne Melgaard, many of whom have unsavoury opinions. However, behind their obvious Islamophobia, he also discovers that Melgaard has an interest in links between leading members of Danish society and the Nazis during the second world war.

A Death In Denmark is a very satisfying read that works on a number of levels. The process of the investigation is exciting as Præst encounters hostility and the realisation that his every move is being followed and he has to try to keep ahead. While I must admit that I found something flagged up early in the book which I felt could perhaps be the direction that the novel would take, a slight hint of the destination in no way spoiled the journey for me. I found that the main character’s relationships with the women in his life, including his 20-year-old daughter Sophie are compelling, particularly his unresolved feelings towards Leila. There was a freshness to Præst’s risk taking, how he considered his dress sense for each occasion (often very absence from consideration in Scandi-noir), and other quirky habits which would also encourage me to continue to read more of the series. Also key to the success of the novel is its very credible exploration two significant societal issues. The first of these is the story’s portrayal of life for those of different ethnic groups in modern Denmark. Præst’s ex wife shares some of the prejudices that he witnesses while he is given further insight though a lifelong friend of Turkish descent and Leila’s Iranian heritage. Not only does it hinder the investigation, but it vividly reminds us of many of the battles that people face every day for having a different faith or skin colour. The shadow of Danish collaboration with Germany during the early 1940s is the second issue of consideration. This is something which leaves a stain on the country’s conscience just as much as it does for other Nordic countries. Many of the historical discoveries certainly feel plausible. I will add that recent publications by Petra Rautiainen and Kjell Ola Dahl take very different approaches to examine the same issue through crime fiction from Finnish and Norwegian perspectives, each of which stands well on its own merits. A Death In Denmark is certainly a book you can get your teeth into which will also give you reason to think about some of society’s injustices. I look forward to reading more of Amulya Malladi’s work in the future.

The Blurb

Meet Gabriel Præst, an ex-Copenhagen cop (who dresses with panache), jazz aficionado, and relentless pursuer of truth as he explores Denmark’s Nazi-collaborator past and anti-Muslim present in a page-turning Nordic murder mystery with a cosmopolitan vibe Everyone in Denmark knew that Yousef Ahmed, a refugee from Iraq, brutally murdered the right-wing politician Sanne Melgaard. So, when part-time blues musician, frustrated home renovator, and full[1]time private detective Gabriel Præst agrees to investigate the matter because his ex—the one who got away—asked him to, he knew it was a no-win case. But as Gabriel starts to ask questions, his face meets with the fists of Russian gangsters; the Danish prime minister asks him for a favour; and he starts to realize that something may be rotten in the state of Denmark. Wondering if Yousef was framed to heighten the local anti-Muslim sentiment, Gabriel follows a trail back in time to World War II when anti-Semitism was raging in Europe during the German occupation of Denmark. Fearing a nationalistic mindset has resurfaced, Gabriel rolls up the sleeves of his well-cut suit and gets to work. From the cobblestone streets of Copenhagen to the historic Strassen of Berlin where the sounds of the steel-toed boots of marching Nazis still linger, Gabriel finds that some very powerful Danes don’t want him digging into the case—as the secrets he unearths could shake the foundations of Danish identity.

The author

Amulya Malladi is the bestselling author of nine novels, including A Death In Denmark and The Copenhagen Affair. Her books have been translated into several languages, including Dutch, French, German, Spanish, Danish, Romanian, Serbian, and Tamil. Currently living in California, she is a Danish citizen born and raised in India.

Many thanks to Anne Cater at Random Things Tours for inclusion on the blog tour and to Harper Collins for an advance copy of Death In Denmark. Look out for the other reviews of this book on the blog tour coming over the next two weeks, as shown below.

#crime fiction #nordicnoir

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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Hi, I need to tell someone this, because it is in the middle of the night and everyone is sleeping.

I was writing with a man, for the last days, very intensely. Not in a romantic way, he is planning to move into my country, so we started with language practises and also argued about politics etc. He's 27 and I am 23. I live in a country which is not so hard on age gaps (compared to some comments I see from Americans) but I kinda didn't like that in the beginning. I feel very young, I have some issues with dissociations and maybe even DID so, maybe it comes from that. I often forget my age and think I am younger and when I am among peers, I feel misplaced. When I visited a highschool, because a friend needed to pick something up, and I was standing there during a break and watching the students, I thought "That's where I belong". Idk but maybe just everyone in their early 20s feels like that. I just didn't like the age gap, because I don't feel like a finished adult, but someone with 27 does. But we harmonised fairly good and it was fun writing with him. I was always surprised by how educated he was, and how many degrees he already has. And tbh (and that's were I might need help) I always quickly take someone into my heart. I am always very loyal and open. I know that such online relationships (in my experience) always end, at some point. But at least, it wasn't, because I didn't give it all. And I always think "It's no big deal, I am used to disappointments, and it is worth it, for me" but today for the first time I had the feeling, that it was something bad, that did more harm than good to myself. And that I should be more reserved. But tbh, I just need validation from others, maybe that's also a reason.

Okay, whatever, we argued about politics, and he knows a lot about my countries politics and argued a lot about it. And while I agreed with most of it, at some point I was just fed up, to read, how he always finds another flaw in the politicians, the government etc. I tried to lead him to another topic, which didn't work, so I said crystal clear "Done with the political arguments all the time, give me a break".

He didn't take it good and... idk if I overreact, I just hate angry people, because of my background, but he blamed me for being too sensitive, he can talk bad about his own countries politics 24/7 too etc. And that wormed me, because I think it was unfair.

He was also always very reserved about his private life, and never told anything, and when I told him that that's odd, he said "Well, first, I am actually 34, I just lied on my profile, to get recommended to a higher span of people, to learn the language."

And that really hurt me. Because you can restrict, of what ages people can start writing with you. And, with my traumatic background, I absolutely love this. And when I see someone, who states, he's 22, to get around the restrictions and in his bio he says "I am actually 34, lol" I report them. Bonus points, if all of their friends are 16 y.o. girls.

And I really really feel uncomfortable. I was childish, I made some young people/social media references and memes that were absolutely cringe, but I felt safe, because I assumed, there was someone with a, more or less, similar background on the other side.

And now I feel very hurt and ashamed, for being so childish. And I think I'll tell him, that I don't feel comfortable continuing our conversation, in the light of this new news.

I just needed to write this down, to see, if that is reasonable, or if I am just angry because he called me sensitive.

I hope you come to the same conclusion and don't judge me.

Have a nice day.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what happened. Please know that you are not childish for this and it's not your fault.

It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts about this situation. It's understandable to feel hurt and uncomfortable after finding out that someone you've been talking to online has lied about their age. It's also understandable to feel conflicted about the age gap between you two, given your own feelings of youth and uncertainty about adulthood.

I just want to say that it's okay to set a boundary not to discuss politics, but I can understand that shutting him down in the moment may have set him off and made him call you sensitive, although his response was not okay. While it's okay to just say that you're done with the conversation and to give you a break, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, you could say something like "I know you feel very passionately about this and I respect that, but I need to step away from this conversation or change subject as it's starting to stress me out." Remember that you don't deserve to put up with someone who cannot respect your boundaries, even when it comes to discussion topics.

It's important to remember that you are not responsible for other people's actions or decisions. It's also important to prioritize your own feelings and boundaries in any relationship, whether it's online or in person. If you don't feel comfortable continuing the conversation with this person, it's okay to say so and set a boundary for yourself.

It may also be helpful to talk to someone you trust about your feelings and experiences in this situation, such as a friend, family member, or therapist. They can provide a supportive space for you to process your thoughts and emotions, and help you navigate any difficult decisions or conversations.

If you're feeling hurt and uncomfortable in this situation, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and do what you think is best for yourself. You deserve to be treated with honesty and respect, and it's important to surround yourself with people who prioritize those values as well.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse

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drakebabymoms · 2 years

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back at it 😈😈

fem reader!

tags: consensual drugging, some smut!¡

That damn honey.

you know those honey packets every girl was putting in they bf drinks? (the honey turns you on basically) which you caved and bought them when you saw a couple try it on tiktok & MAN OH MAN

(sorry if these are a bit long, COMMENTS AND REBLOGS ARE DEEPLY APPRECIATED)

JEAN K. - you put in his Gatorade that you always laid out for him on the counter so when he came back from practice he had a nice cold drink wink wink. as he was watching tv he couldn’t brush off the feeling of lust that was beginning to grow inside of him, his pants getting tighter around his solid hard cock that made him have a buldge. After many attempts to brush it off he couldn’t believe how horny he was right now just lusting over the thought of you. You were kitchen making some cheesecake for you and jean. In this beautiful sundress that wrapped around your curves ever so tightly with this cute little apron that says “kiss the cook”. As you were putting ur apron on Jean could not keep his eyes off you, thinking the nastiest things he’d do to you in this moment, if you’d let him. he loved seeing and watching when you baked for the two of you, your concentration and focus was so attractive to him, he just loved seeing you doing the shit you love the most. the excitement, the little expressions you have when speaking on them or doing them, he just loves to see you thrive. he always compliments your side profile he thinks it’s the prettiest thing he has ever seen. “hey baby” as you felt his big hands wrap around your shoulders as his chests hit your back and a hard something poking at your ass “you look so beautiful right now i wish you knew” he whispered in your ear as you felt him smirking, as he slowly started to massage your shoulders. you loved how jean expressed his love to you with words, actions, gifts he adored you and he made sure you knew how much he loved you. He placed his muscular arms on the side of you basically towering over as he slowly made kisses on random spots on the side of ur face, so sensual and soft the feeling making your brain go fuzzy immediately. You slowly started closing your eyes as you began to fall into deep relaxation because you weren’t gonna lie you had been tense these few weeks because of exams and jean had this power to him that within his touch your stressed feelings slowly began to disappear. “You should really take a break baby..relax” he said teasingly, his deep voice making ur core shake. He slowly untied your apron taking it and throwing it on the side and taking the baking utensils from your hands.”let’s go in room yeah?” He said as he slowly turned you around to look at him, taking your hands & planting light kisses on the knuckles of ur hands looking down at you intently and intensely. “but the cheesecake, and th-“ you said as you began to get distracted with worries. he grabbed ur chin to make you look at him “We can finish later baby I promise, just I really.. really need you right now” he said in a slight begging tone that made you weak in the MF KNEES.

——————————————————————————-

EREN Y. - you both agreed to do it, so when the weekend came you & eren were on the counter squeezing the honey into the wine you had laid out beforehand “yo ass bouta fold so quick watch” as he smirked and placed a toothpick in his mouth “why are you so confident about this” you said in confusion as you met his eyes that were already looking at you “look at me baby, tell me who wouldn’t fold” he said as he looked you up and down with a tooth pick in his mouth as he examined you with his eyes “boy drink the wine” you said as you lifted up ur glass signaling to do a cheers. he chucked as he raised his glass to clink with yours he took a sip and so did you. 15 mins pass you and eren were in your guys room as the episode of rick and morty finished on the tv, the leds setting the mode perfectly. yall are SO stubborn, you don’t like losing in these type of situations and neither does eren. let me tell you.. you were on the VERGE OF JUST COMBUSTING. your 🤭 throbbing and making you feel so fuzzy and so filled with lust like it was just taking over your body. you watched eren closely as he was redoing his hair you had noticed his shirt lifted a bit. revealing some of his v line. you couldn’t help but admire him, you wanted to rip off his clothes off so SO BADLY “you liking what you see or what” he said smirking at you through the mirror. You snapped out of ur trance, you wouldn’t normally give in so quick.. but what you were feeling was so undeniable at this point you couldn’t take it, “i do.. so so much” you said shyly slowly looking back up at him in the mirror. HE FOLDED, MANS WAS DONE ACTING LIKE HE WASNT STRUGGLING TOO. he was so glad you gave up because he too was also on the verge of combusting, but his stubborn ass didn’t let himself causing him to suffer in silence. He looked at you through the mirror “oh” he said lowly, he turned around & went over to you quickly. he grabbed ur face and immediately began to roughly kiss you, It was amazing, breathtaking, the feeling of just giving in and caving in felt so euphoric right now just the two of you being honest with your desires and just letting ur body take control. He let his hands wonder all over your body, gripping your ass harshly & EVERYTHING. Now you were infront of the mirror as he slowly dragged his hands down to ur cunt “you want me to touch you baby? hm? that what you want?” He said teasingly in your ear as he slowly put your panties to the side and not letting you even respond to him he slipped his long digits in ur cunt causing you to gasp and grip on to his forearm throwing ur head back on his shoulder, “I know baby, I know.. you can take it, can’t you? he whispered.

——————————————————————————-

CONNIE S. - you had completely forgotten that earlier you had offered him one of his favorite drinks ever which was a cherry lemonade, that happened to have the honey added into it ;) poor baby couldn’t take it. He felt that shit so quick and SO HARD. “fuck…” he whispered to himself, he needed to get off so badly, replaying all those nights where he was just drilling your shit back to back, round after round thinking about your little moans and whimpers that turned him on so much but he didn’t know how to propose the idea to you cause you were in the room studying for an exam. he didn’t wanna bother you so he was like freaking out TILL he got this lovely idea ;) you heard a light “f-f-fuckk” and it was Connie beating his shit off in the living room because his nasty ass just couldn’t contain himself. So you took your AirPod off in confusion and went silent for a moment to check if you was just horny or what you heard is what you thought you heard. “oh m-y fucking g-god” you heard him moan out desperately, stuttering a bit. You walked over to the door frame to take at peak at him AND OH MY LAWDDD. he looked so hot as he watched himself beat his dick off slowly stopping for a moment to spit on it. he began to pick up the pace “oh shit” he groaned as he bucked his hips into his hand a little bit throwing his head back in pleasure. you were in a trance, his facial expressions, his moans, you were just flabbergasted to say the least. He stopped again & licked his thumb and slowly put it on his pink tip ever so slightly. He whimpered at the first touch. he began to just rub his tip with his thumb. “f-feels so g-good” he said his voice shaky as his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes rolled back as he slowly reaches out a shaky hand to you and looks up at you with desperation in his eyes “help me baby.. p-lease” as he continued to jerk himself off. He knew you were there just wanted to see how long you would watch him. so you did exactly that and you took his hand and walked infront of him and got on ur knees IMMEDIATELY. his pretty eyes focused on you as you took his length in completely, causing him to grab ur hair in a ponytail and continue to bob ur head up and down “you make me want to fuck that shit out you, you know that??” he said in whiny breathy tone.

——————————————————————————

ARMIN A. -oh poor baby, he came to you immediately when he started feeling his cock throb and pulsate for you or some type friction. “B-baby my cock is s-so sensitive right now, and I- I don’t know why” he said as he grabbed your hand to feel it he groaned immediately when he felt your hand. “touch it more baby please..” he whispered. so there you were on your knees, unbuckling his pants slowly just to torture him. you use ur mouth to undo his zipper and when I tell you he went FERAL. he examined you intensely and watched as his pretty cock sprung out infront you. you couldn’t help but widely stare at it, He was big with his pretty pink tip already leaking with pre. you licked off with the tip of your tongue “oh fuck” he threw his head back as he quickly pushed his whole length inside your mouth. He couldn’t take your teasing he felt like an animal in heat, “im so- s-so sorry baby, I could-dnt help it” as he continued to thrust into ur mouth as he moaned out in pleasure.”your d-doing s-so well” after a few thrust his hips began to move slowly because it was starting to get too much for him, the way you sloppily sucked his dick and how his dick slipped in and out ur throat so easily. “W-wait watch-a doin” he said as you began to deep throat him “b-baby f-fuck” the overstimulation hit him on another type level. He felt as if he was on cloud 9 the pleasure coursing all throughout his body causing his legs to shake. you began to speed up ur pace and his moans began to grow louder, whining and whimpering at your touch “j-just like that.. there you go” he said as he desperately looked down at you, you looked up at him and winked & you continued. “oh I’m so s-so close, can you do that one thing you d-” without letting him finished he gasped and his jaw began to slack as you just focused on the tip making circles on his tip with ur tongue moving it quickly, moving it in and out of ur mouth with ur tongue causing him to tense up, and start to become a babbling mess “g-gonna gonna” and at that he began to shoot loads of his semen in your mouth grabbing you by ur hair and pulled you off of his cock “open” he said sternly, you opened your mouth as his white cream began to dribble and pour of ur mouth and land on ur tits “fuck you’re so pretty” he breathed out.

LMK HOW YALL FEEL ABOUT THIS 🫡

#aot smut #armin smut #eren smut #jean smut #connie smut #ao3 writer #aot x reader #smut #aot x y/n #a

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