my secret is that i don't think i have a future. i'm turning 18 in a month, maybe by the time you post this ask i will already be 18 for a while, but well, im not there yet. i just finished high school kicking and screaming, literally thought i wouldn't survive it to the point i was considering ending it all several times, but i finished it. now what? now i know i have to go to uni but i also know i won't be able to make it through. i barely scraped by with high school and now my mental health is at an all time low (thought 2021 was my worst year but life is full of surprises) and if college is harder than high school like people say it is, then i'm just royally fucked. it does not help that i don't know who i want to be in life. i'm bilingual and have language skills, but if i study for a translator job then it's just like-- who even needs it? i live in russia. my country is in shambles and so is its economy and relationship with other countries. russia does not need a fucking translator because everybody hates it and for good reason. i can't imagine any future for myself here. when i was a kid it all seemed so clear to me, i would grow up and live with my best friend and be happy and have a job i love. now whenever i think of being grown up my mind just comes up blank. my best friend has probably forgotten that we ever wanted to live together, or they just left the idea behind because it was so childish and unrealistic. i feel like i've been drifting away from them as well as my entire friend group for the past 2 years. i'm autistic, so i just don't see the world the same way they do. i used to love being aroace before i realized it's distancing me from my friends, because now they all have partners or they're yearning for partners or talking about all the sex they've had and i just have nothing to add to the conversation. i don't smoke or drink, so i guess now i'm just not as interesting to hang out with as when we were all 15 and sober. so yeah. i guess i just dont know what im going to do or what's going to happen to me. i've spent the last few years feeling more and more isolated and sinking into depression. if i get into college, i don't know what it's going to do to me, but it makes me fear for my life. if i don't get into it, then i dont know what im going to do at all. maybe my real secret is that i was put on this earth to draw gay people and not like, have a life and relationships. oh well.
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Some days I like to enter a fantasy world where I look at different rewards credit cards and I think about how I will be so cool and slick using This one to buy gas and This one to buy little treats to maximize the rewards I get. Anyway I imagine this and then I think oh god i do not want to keep track of this at all actually.
So it turns out I hit upon the perfect credit card combination for me which is one with a flat rewards rate and one with rotating quarterly reward categories that I still can barely remember and I don't carry a balance and every time I cash out rewards I still get to feel a little smug. You thought you'd get me to pay you interest. You thought you were gonna get me. You're not getting me. I'm getting you. My credit score is so high
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Buddy. You had to send this question from the page that contains the search bar for the library catalog.
Message to library sent from ask-a-question form: My assignment is to read "This is an Article Title" by Name McNamerson. Please advise how to find that.
Reply: Hello Masters Student, I searched McNamerson AND this is an article title in the library catalog, which brings up three top results all with that title and author but different years. If you're unsure which of these is what your assignment needs, please check with your professor.
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one of these days i'll write some kind of long form thing about the "purity culture" phenomenon on this site but only when im high enough to withstand the death threats that'll inevitably come flying through my inbox
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Rereading what I have written so far for my TM college AU like damn, I wonder what that author is gonna do next 🤔
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