fate-accursed

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(( TODAY MAKES FIFTY TWO FUCKING YEARS SINCE THE HOUSE FIRE Y'ALL IM..... actually beside myself with grief sdkfjsd. rip to the clarkes my beloveds, ill never let u go<3 ))

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NIGHTINGALE, TELL ME YOUR TALE : WAS YOUR JOURNEY FAR TOO LONG ? / CAN I FLY RIGHT BEHIND YOU ?

PRIVATE + INDEPENDENT DOCTOR WHO ORIGINAL CHARACTER. LOVED BY ISA, SHE/HER, TWENTY. affiliated with yes7erdays. 12/2023.

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I WISH THAT I’D BEEN BRAVE.

richard siken, crush // christopher healy, a hero’s guide to saving your kingdom // the amazing devil, ruin // j.d. salinger, raise the high roof beam // susan sontag, as consciousness is harnessed to flesh: journals and notebooks // claudia rankine, don’t let me be lonely: an american lyric // the avett brothers, i wish i was // frank bidart, the war of vaslav nijinsky // nicola toon, everything, everything

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𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂 — BOLD / ITALICIZE what applies

( Andrew. )

𝚂𝙾𝚄𝙽𝙳𝚂. tinkling of piano keys / the click of a lock / an engine starting, stalling / sinful whispers / stifled sobbing / the rattle of death / alarm blaring / a siren call / spanish guitar strumming / loud laughter at midnight / banshee screeching / drunk hiccuping / the giggle of a child / rolling thunder / disdainful chuckling / bones creaking / carefree whistling / singing off key / flesh hitting concrete / white noise / a mirror cracking / laboured breathing / a groan of pain / waves lapping at the shore / the roar of a lion / pages turning / swords clashing / deep humming / birds chirping / dial tone / tongue popping / fingers tapping a surface / crystals breaking / music turned up to the limit / raindrops on a roof / angry yelling / yawning at noon / horns going off / ravens talking / bubblegum bursting / splashing water / teakettle squeal / militia drums / wolves howling / slow, sarcastic clapping / soprano notes / whispering pleas / gregorian chants / mournful cries.

𝚅𝙸𝚂𝚄𝙰𝙻𝚂. filled notebooks / dogeared books / clean shaves / empty stares / sleeping at a desk / the witching hour / driving all night / restless tides / broken windows / coffee any time / freshly baked goods / bonfires / lounging felines / circles under your eyes / bedhead / tangling in the sheets / leather jackets / paint stains / music sheets / too many tabs to find the music / weary brows / card games / messy ponytails / strained smiles / unsent texts / heart on your sleeve / slow dancing in the rain / star gazing / torn jeans / piles of clothes / filled bookshelves / hurricanes / chapped lips / cliff diving / the lights in venice / stolen kisses / poet shirts / half melted candles / empty coffee mugs / hot tea / unlaced boots / shameless flirting / too young to be so old / laced fingers / eyes in the trees / bloody knuckles / french letters / neon lights / ivy covered balconies

𝚂𝙲𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚂. burnt leaves / turkish coffee / spiced rum / moss / vanilla beans / freshly cut grass / decay / sea salt / strawberries and cream / cinnamon / honey / copper / pineapple / wet dog / pine needles / wood shavings / rainsoaked bark / something sharp, indefinable / Russian tea / dandelions / squeezed limes / Italian wine / freshly laundered clothes / coming rain / hardtack and gruel / roasting flesh / something cloying in the chest / ichor / lillies in spring / pollen / damp clothes / meatpies / greasy coins / curdled milk / leather / bone marrow / wet cement / ricecakes / open paint cans / cocoa leaves / tar / apples / sandalwood cologne / orchids / molded onions / cheap perfume / mistletoe / rubber on fire / grave dirt / old books / new books / melting plastic / roses / poison oak / seacucumbers / peppermint.

tagged by: @mehrcedita (thank you soo much<3) tagging: @deathwis ( for tabitha OR any of the d's! )

[fate-accursed]

// @mehrcedita said: " are you eager for blood, too? is that why you've come? "

Her words cut to the very soul of him, each tremor of her weakened voice left to fester in the wound of her apprehension; does she truly think him capable of such a cruelty? Many hours they have spent in each others company, her friendship one so dearly cherished in his lonely heart — but then, this shroud of darkness has cast a grim light upon them all. He can still hear the choked sounds of Tabitha's final breaths, her terrible fate a horror from which he and David chose to spare Madge.

But perhaps they have not spared her any suffering, after all. Perhaps Abraham should have warned her, should have done something more to protect her from the evil that lurks in their midst —

It is impossible for a deed to be undone, yet still he feels that he has failed her, that he is still failing her as they speak; that perhaps he will always be letting her down. He can plead for her if he finds the voice to speak, if the courts will listen, but still the fact remains that she is here at all. ( The cold damp of a gaol is no place for an ailing body. )

"No," he answers, more adamant than he's ever been though his head still bows in shame. His heart aches so much that he can scarcely breathe; there must be something he can do to right this. But what? Nearly anything he says will cast suspicion on him, as well — or even, god forbid, cast even more blame upon Madge's weary shoulders. "I have come because I fear for you. I had hoped that the rumors were only that, but..." The unfathomable has happened. It will happen again, and again, and he feels sick to realize there's no way of knowing where the bloodshed will stop. "It pains me to see you in such a state. Surely, there is something that can be done to spare you; perhaps the trial will show you hold no wickedness in your heart."

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(( just a quick heads up: I’m not sure how active I’ll be this week or next, what with the holidays and general fatigue hitting me atm. I was hoping to get some stuff queued for this time, but because I’ve been so busy I only managed to get like two things done. 😭 Granted, my energy levels might change as the week goes on, but for now !!! Don’t panic if I go a bit quiet lol it’s just a busy time of year. Ok that’s it see y’all soon <3 ))

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// @deathwis ( tanya. ) said: " it did escalate severely after five minutes. "

Anthony had missed the beginning of this particular argument, too busy kicking rocks and moping to rush the walk home from school — but just because he was late doesn't mean he missed out on tonight's family trainwreck entirely. Actually, he got home just in time to witness its explosive conclusion; lucky him.

The sound of the front door's slam is still ringing in his ears, deafening in the silence that follows, and it takes everything in him just to remember how to breathe. ( Everything's falling apart again. ) He can already feel the tension building in his spine, a sure-fire sign of the headache that's to come; maybe he deserves it, though, for being so caught up in his own problems that he didn't realize something might be wrong. He definitely deserves it for still being upset regardless, even underneath all the worry and confusion, even as he's wandering over to Tanya to figure out what the hell went wrong.

( Because yeah, it's not a huge deal to walk through town, seeing as he does it in his spare time anyway — but they'd told him they would pick him up, so he'd waited. Standing in time's agonizing pass while the school slowly emptied out, letting slow realization crush him until he walked away all alone. So now the question burrows under his skin, poisonous and cutting, relentless even when buried under layers of guilt: had his family just forgotten him completely, or was the fighting really just that much more important? Does it even really matter when the outcome is the same either way? )

Of course, when he tries to talk to Tanya, the first response he gets is a flippant one. It's so typical of her that he could scream, but instead he stays silent, beholden to the knot that ties itself around his throat when he thinks of losing her. ( These days, it seems like he always has to swallow around it; it's there when Tanya stays out late, and when Dennis lashes out, and when Megan gets real quiet. It sinks like lead in his stomach when their dad comes home drunk, and when the fighting gets so loud he can hear it over Dennis's records. Some nights, he wakes up in a cold sweat convinced he's already lost them. )

But maybe if he knows what went wrong, he can try to fix it.

"Hey, I'm being serious," he finally manages, shifting anxiously on his feet as his gaze wanders toward the stairs. He can hear the floorboards creaking overhead, either Megan's cautious creeping or the sound of Anne pacing in the bedroom — or maybe a bit of both, chipping away at the foundation, waiting for an unsteady housing to settle. "It sounded bad, Tanya. What did you even get into it about?"

[fate-accursed]

The news had not been so much idle gossip as it had been fearful whispers ; a warning overheard in passing as Abraham snuffed the last candle in his shop, not intended for his ears but chilling him all the same. Another accusation, so soon after the last — and he has a horrible feeling about who it might be. ( God, let his fears be misguided! Was poor Amy's fate not harrowing enough? )

Never before has the walk to the Miltons' door felt so daunting, trying his best not to run for fear of drawing suspicion but even more terrified of what he might find when he crosses that familiar threshold: would Tabitha still be there, tending kindly to Madge as she has been since illness worsened? Or would he find the devil himself, smiling cruelly in the ashes of a place that was once his only solace?

Despair finds him as he steps somewhere in between, too late for the first but not yet arrived at the second; still, it leaves him uneasy to be on the precipice. The modest home feels so much more empty now than it had before, and Madge so small where she pushes herself upright to greet him.

He makes sure to shut the door firmly behind him so that he might keep the chill away from her.

"We must have faith that the Lord will shine His light on reason," he says, as he seats himself in the chair at her bedside. It is exactly where Tabitha was sitting not long ago, he's sure of it — but the thought only makes him feel guilty for taking her place. ( It should be Abraham taken to trial for his wickedness, not a good soul like Tabitha, and he knows it. Perhaps his is the worse betrayal, for holding his tongue as he is. ) "She is not lost to us yet, my friend; surely, David will convince the Reverend of her Godliness. Whatever strange evil has descended upon this town, it has not prevailed over us."

has the hour finally come? — @fate-accursed : abraham.

THE GIRL GOES ALL BUT DEAD-RIGID WHEN THE FRONT DOOR SWINGS OPEN, already trapped frozen in her own skin. there would be no running, certainly no fighting if one deranged eye turned her way. but nothing to fear if she is innocent, so they say — harder & harder to believe these days, as are most things. people shout in the streets, cries of accusations, venomous paranoia that she can hear even from her sickbed. by the sounds of it, amy had been lucky to receive a proper trial, if that is what it could be called. by word of mouth, it sounded more like a pile-on, but she had not seen it for herself. perhaps she is luckier for it.

she sighs at the sight of a friendly face, already pushed herself upright. ‘ they've already taken her. david went to talk to them, but... what good is negotiation? ’ against those whose minds seem to have already been made up, it will be futile. nothing can convince her otherwise; if anything, it will turn another crooked finger on him! & no sooner would she dare speak these ideas into being than they would leave a scent on her, just as well.

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// @deathwis ( david. ) said: " everything can't be learned in books. "

From anyone else, the words would be a solemn reprimand; a reminder that Abraham is still inadequate, even when he is trying, even when he pours his whole self into something for the sake of Little Hope. He has always been wrong — deeply, and intrinsically, in a way he knows not how to mend — but age has not spared him the dismissal of his superiors, nor has it brought him the clarity he had hoped. Perhaps he will always be lost, seeking a redemption that isn't to be found. Perhaps his father was right, and he deserves his isolation.

But David has never treated him so.

The warmth his presence fills Abraham with now is the very same that had soothed the aches of a troubled childhood; the same that once stood patiently beside him in the fields, guiding him, the only gentle thing he has ever known. What a blessing it has been to have that light returned to him, even in brevity, even with time’s distance! ( If only he could just convince his wicked heart to be grateful for it, instead of always longing for more. )

"’Tis true that not all knowledge lies in the pages of a book," Abraham finally concedes after a beat of silence. He's always needed just a few moments to gather his thoughts, carefully considering his words so that they won’t be misconstrued; it is kind of David to wait for him, never once wavering in his interest. Not many others will do the same. “There are many ways to learn, and each are valuable in their own right; it matters only that we seek understanding and truth.”

Here, his gaze lowers, tracing the fine grain of the shelf so that he might have a chance to catch his breath. “‘Twas not a book that taught these hands to till the soil,” he murmurs. It’s a gentle admission, sentimental, perhaps too much so for a bond he’d severed with his own hand — yet the words remain in the air regardless, glimmering by the candlelight and casting shadows on the space that now lies between them. It is for the best. Even if he feels like it might kill him.

“The Lord lights our paths in His infinite wisdom; He is all around us, in all things, as you well know.” Here, he hesitates again, and his face burns with uncertainty as he traces gentle fingertips over the spine of his current read. “Is He not, then, also in the hearts of those who write? What of the bookbinder, who weaves each page together with skillful hands so that others may learn?” His speech is teetering on the precipice of shameful vanity, but he’s starting to fear he has no better argument of their worth. After all, it matters not if books make him happy, or if it brings him joy to share them with others; he’d never waste David’s precious time on such a blasphemous presumption of his own importance. So where, then, does that leave him?

“There are many things I have learned on a page that I would be ignorant of in their absence. Perhaps books, and this shop, are merely one more way that God guides us to Him.”

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IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH HES SO FINE 😫😫😫😫

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Evelyn Waugh, from Brideshead Revisited (1945)

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Clarice Lispector, tr. by Giovanni Pontiero, from "The Foreign Legion: Stories and Chronicles,"

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(( not feeling the best today so I’ve just been kinda laying around since I got home. Hopefully I can get back to writing soon<3 ))

[fate-accursed]

// @mehrcedita said: "this isn't half bad for college kids."

The new apartment isn’t much, to be honest — hardly bigger than the dorms, and just as outdated with its thrift shop furniture and shag carpet — but it's the most at home that Andrew's ever felt in this life. ( at least, as far as he can remember. ) What little belongings he'd been able to grab from his parents house fit perfectly in the room he's claimed as his own, and Daniel's stuff fills just about everywhere else. It's nice, having a reminder he's not alone. That he has friends now.

And one of those friends has just given the apartment her hard-won seal of approval. Sort of. It might be as close as it gets to high praise with Mercy.

"You think?" One eyebrow raises, and his head tips to the side as he lets a small smile find its way to his lips. If he's lucky, maybe she’ll be a frequent visitor; admittedly, that had kinda been the goal of inviting her over for the so-called “grand tour.” ( It would be so familiar, wouldn’t it? The three of them together? ) But maybe Andrew’s just being clingy. “There’s still some stuff to unpack, but… I like it. Beats cramming everything in one room.”

[fate-accursed]

// @deathwis ( tabitha. ) said: " promise you won't be cruel. "

The shelves are slowly emptying around them, and Abraham knows he'll have to send for a new shipment soon. His stock dwindles with each passing day; precious knowledge passed to eager hands, and none moreso than that of Tabitha Milton. It's one of the many things he likes about her, though he'd never dare say it aloud — too afraid of being forward, of crossing some invisible boundary that separates him from everyone else.

( They all have their place in this life, a path to redemption provided by the merciful Lord; Abraham would do well not to try and step outside of it. ) Perhaps in another life.

He wouldn't dare burden her with a long discussion, not the way he wants to, but he’s always been the curious type. Longing drives the beast of loneliness that gnaws at his chest, crumbling his resolve to stay quiet; it’s what makes the question finally slip this evening, seeing the bundle of books in her arms. ( Surely, it isn’t unusual for him to ask after the literature that keeps his friend customer’s attention? )

Impossible he would ever offer a cruel word, that he might sever the first, tender bud of a bond he so desperately wishes to possess — perish the thought. His eyes meet Tabitha’s with sincerity, solemn as always in his soft-spoken way. “I swear it,” he tells her, and he means it with his whole heart. “No judgement shall I cast upon your word, nor shall I utter an unkind thought. I only wish to sate idle curiosity."

[fate-accursed]

✦ * ・　　⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯　　𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐚 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝. a random assortment of sentences taken from rick riordan's "percy jackson" series. change pronouns if needed.

‘ if my life is going to mean anything, i have to live it myself. ’ ‘ where's the glory in repeating what others have done? ’ ‘ with great power ... comes great need to take a nap. wake me up later. ’ ‘ deadlines just aren't real to me until i'm staring one in the face. ’ ‘ knowing too much of your future is never a good thing. ’ ‘ humans see what they want to see. ’ ‘ the real world is where the monsters are. ’ ‘ life is only precious because it ends. ’ ‘ welcome? after last time, you've got the nerve to welcome me? ’ ‘ excuse me. but if you're going to kill me, could you just get on with it? ’ ‘ there is always a way out for those clever enough to find it. ’ ‘ maybe it's okay to still be a kid once in a while. ’ ‘ it takes strength and courage to admit the truth. ’ ‘ it's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one. ’ ‘ even strength must bow to wisdom sometimes. ’ ‘ go on with what your heart tells you, or you will lose all. ’ ‘ people are more difficult to work with than machines. and when you break a person, he can't be fixed. ’ ‘ because i know you. you wouldn't be here if you weren't one of us. ’ ‘ i am never, ever going to make things easy for you. get used to it. ’ ‘ you're not getting away from me. never again. ’ ‘ be careful of love. it'll twist your brain around and leave you thinking up is down and right is wrong. ’ ‘ don't i get a kiss for good luck? it's kind of a tradition, right? ’ ‘ suspecting and knowing are not the same. ’ ‘ getting something and having the wits to use it ... those are two different things. ’ ‘ don't feel bad, i'm usually about to die. ’ ‘ you must forge your own path for it to mean anything. ’ ‘ i don't give people a second thought ... that can be dangerous. ’ ‘ i should've told you the truth from the beginning. i thought if you knew what a failure i was, you wouldn't want me along. ’ ‘ being a hero doesn't mean you're invincible. it just means that you're brave enough to stand up and do what's needed. ’ ‘ to be perfect, you have to feel perfect about yourself - avoid trying to be something you're not. ’ ‘ don't you get it? you are home. this is the only safe place on earth for people like us. ’ ‘ because you're my friend. any more stupid questions? ’ ‘ you are not going to die while i owe you a favor. ’ ‘ remind me again - why do you hate me so much? ’