#i have been very quiet here but thats cause health reasons

[zeloinator]

Poor Zee is going to be suffering from heat stroke more than any enemy in Dawntrail having to be so covered in clothing in the tropics shes jsut gonna have a constant little breeze going on her at all times

[protege-not-protagonist]

I've been thinking about Graces old team

And i realised this...

Agent Avery Stiller, is the only normal (neurotypical) member of the CASMIRC Advanced forensic unit.

Bitch ain't no way a unit, which a 21 year old joins and specialises in mutilation and burial and no-one bats and eye, is comprised of normal people. They fund their staff social functions with an Antisocial-Jar. And this is canon now that I've written it but their last Christmas party was hiring a stretch limo to go to Lazer tag and then an all you can eat Chinese hotpot place.

So far we know there's:

The liaison and coordinator Avery. We love him.

And that The team consults with Dr Boland from the Smithsonian, a forensic archeologist and anthropologist and her colleagues

Then there is also Grace's friends from the second floor she has mentioned, but not by name.

Someone who does the DNA and blood (a pathologist) -I imagine they are a kpop girlie for some reason.

a member who takes a peek at a raw mass spectrometer read out and just goes 'yep... Thats anthracite coal.' so we have a geologist and possible Edaphologist. (Living Soil expert) - I imagine this person is a champion Geoguessr.

So this is who else I imagine was part of the team but we haven't met:

A ballistics expert (guns and bullets) - is contrary to what you would think quite quiet personallity and more appreciative or the ingenuity of guns rather than the firepower, has flintlock pistol collection.

A handwriting analyst and linguistics expert - Karen energy from this one idk why, probably a grammar nazi.

A forensic physiologist and podiatrist (an expert in the way body's move and expert in footprints, shoe prints and gaits) - I imagine this person is older, the oldest member on the team and struggles with their computer and phone.

A chemical engineer and pyrologist (chemical damage and fire) - they are 100% a pyromaniac and have probably committed arson. Would be on the bomb squad if they passed the psych eval.

An entomologist (bugs and decomp)-who I imagine is incredibly salty that Grace identified the Sicarius Spiders before him

A technical analyst (a Garcia)- actually I do have a thought about this one, remember how the four horsemen hitmen had that kid they kidnapped and forced to run their darkweb stuff? Remember how the FBI offered him a job... Well I imagine he would end up here. (Another member of the FBI personally victimised by Cat Adams)

So Gee, Avery really is the living people expert because there is no way any of those people are going to appropriately empathise and socialise with victims or the field agents and police. (Maybe the physiologists cause they have a health care background) But they'd get on great with each other because they're all weirdos together.

So I wanted to extend an invite to you guys. If you guys want to add little head cannons, backstories or names for these team members, I'd love that, because I don't think we are going to see much of them in the story. It would be cool to have them sort of cameo here and there but also let you guys have a bit of fun and personal connection to these side characters who are very important to Grace.

Taglist: @bridgeoverstrawberryfields @cultish-corner @pleasantwitchgarden

[sweetchup]

A Helping Hand 4: Ghosts of Pasts // Day 1

Type: Shalnark x reader

Au?: Savior Au

Word Count: 2,800+

Warnings: Reminsing of last chapter, Injury, Meteor City mentioned

Author Note: Ah! I’m glad to be back writing this series sorry for the long wait. I split chapter 4 up into multiple parts so it’s going to be looooong.

Also, I’ve started a Taglist for all of my series to make it easier for people to find out when the next installation is. So if you want the be added just sent me an ask thats not anonymous and I’ll add you.

<—(Pt.3) / (Pt.4.2)—>

A Helping Hand Masterlist

It was the eve of December 18th, when snow finally fell throughout the Republic of Padokea. However, there was no celebration or cheer by the citizens as all of the festive winter holidays had already passed by then. With most just deciding to bunker in for a quiet night at home. Even at the Hospital near the bloodthirsty Heaven’s Arena it was rather quiet, almost dull in a way.

Though, one specific doctor, Doctor (y/n) of the intensive care unit, had little to complain about the lack of patients and activity. It was rather refreshing actually, mostly due to the fact it was your last night on the job before you went on your week long holiday break, a break you had planned out with your supervisor months ahead of time.

Months before you had met a specific man. Much more specifically, a specific patient named Shalnark Ryuseih. A member of the infamous Phantom troupe who you had saved from his demise at the Heaven’s Arena.

…. As well as someone you might have developed a really really big crush on during your time taking care of him. But, that’s a story for another day and something you shouldn’t be worrying about right now. Especially since you still have plenty of time left on the clock before you go home.

As the seconds click a way, you find yourself letting out a groan. It was no use. You couldn’t get him out of your mind.

You just wished that it was the usual thoughts of Shalnark that festered in your mind during work. The ones that were caused from something as simple as him holding you in his arms tighter than usual while he slept one night or perhaps a teasing comment he shot at you while passing in the hall.

But that sadly wasn’t the case.

For the last couple of weeks, Shalnark had been acting…… weird.

Well he technically always acted weird—a man who actually enjoyed indulging in birthday cake flavored ice cream could not be considered normal in your book— but this time, he was actually acting quite strange.

Sometimes, when doing check ups or just visiting his room you could hear him sigh. It was quite unnoticeable at first, you had just thought he was frustrated with some new tech thing he got into, but as December went on the sigh only got heavier and more frequent. This was also when some of Shalnark’s other actions started to be strange as well, something as simple as,“What are you doing for the Holidays?” Or, actually now that you think about it, anything that was remotely related to the holidays would have the corner of his lips drop slightly. Something very strange for him, for he hardly faltered that smile of his.

And it wasn’t as if you weren’t trying to find out what was wrong. You had asked him plenty of times about his new habits. Though, in a Shalnark fashioned way, he would just brush you off with a grin and be confused as to what you were talking about.

So, if Shalnark isn’t going to tell you himself what was wrong. You were just going to have to take it upon yourself to make him feel better. Emotional health is just as important as physical health in your book.

“For the last time (y/n), I hope you know what you are getting yourself into.” Mal reminds you for the 15th time since you entered her office space.

“Yes, yes. I understand, don't worry about it.” You reassure the older woman as you continue to fill in the blanks to finish up the paperwork. All the while attempting to ignore her as she nags your ear off. “Okay I’m done. Thanks by the way Mal, I really owe you one”

As Mal takes the paperwork from your hands, she gives you one last warning of caution,

“I know Shalnark is under your care and all, and you have gotten pretty close to him during his stay…. but don’t you think having him leave with you for vacation is a little much? It’s legal, for some odd reason, but you should be careful. Not only is he a grown man that could try anything while you are alone with him but if any of the higher ups hear about this, you could get in a lot of trouble.”

“True, but I doubt that,” You hum out as you fumble with grabbing your winter coat off the rack, “The higher ups don’t exactly care much about paperwork unless one of the secretaries, like yourself, reports something. So unless you choose to report me, I don’t have much to worry about.”

“Fine. Just…. be careful. I swear you have been getting more and more reckless the more you spend with that man.”

“I will. Don’t worry, Mal. See you in a week!!”

“Okay, see you in a week.” Mal responds back, her wave goodbye immediately faltering as you close the door. Taking a deep breath to calm down the uneasy feeling in her gut, She just hoped you knew what you were doing.

Once Mal sends you off, you make your way in the direction of Shalnark’s room. You are excited to tell him about your little surprise but also quite scared because you did not exactly ask him… permission…. to sign him out.

“Come in.” Shalnark's voice rings out from behind the door as you knock. Coming into the room, you see that, as per normal, Shalnark was clicking away at his laptop. He seemed busy with something since even when you took the seat at his bedside he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from the screen.

After a couple more minutes of listening to the clicking of keys, Shalnark finally closes his laptop and turns his attention to you.

“Hello (y/n)! What brings you in here today?” He asks, resting his chin on one of his hands as he observes you. As Shalnark scans you up and down you can’t help but notice the mischievous look in those blue eyes of his. You kind of wondered what he was thinking, or possibly planning, but then again— knowing Shalnark —you didn’t want to know what was running through that brain of his.

“Can’t I just visit you?”

“I guess you could.” Shalnark comments halfheartedly as if you don’t already visit him for fun on the daily already, “I’m just surprised you haven’t gone home for your vacation. It’s your last shift tonight, right?”

Shalnark might have asked the last part as a question, but you already knew— from tons of experience with dealing with him —that he already formed his own answer in his head.

“Missed me that much huh?...” Shalnark whispers out, his eyes seeming to sparkle under the light as he leans back against the headboard of his bed.

“S-shut up.” You grumble out. Swiftly putting the paperwork in your hand up to your face as you could already feel your cheeks begin to flare up from flusteration. You swore this man had no sense of fear or dignity.

“Hmm?” You feel Shalnark grab at the paperwork wrinkled in your hand; recognizing his photo ID on the cover. “What’s this?”

“Paperwork.”

“What type of Paperwork?” Shalnark presses forward, already taking it from your hand to examine it. No matter how close you two have gotten during his stay, he has always been extremely thorough about looking at what you put down on his paperwork. Must be something he picked up while being in the troupe you guessed.

Suddenly, you see Shalnark’s gaze pause on a section of the paperwork. His body unintentionally freezing up in surprise as he rereads it again. However, instead of instantly asking or explaining his confusion, your eyes are trained to his lips, ever so slightly parted due to confusion.

Unconsciously, you run your fingers over your neck. Your mind flashing back to what happened when Shalnark was under the effect of the aphrodisiac drug. The tingly feeling of his lips raking up and down your neck. Kissing, sucking and biting at any possible skin he could—

“(Y/n), What is this?” He mumbles out, his eyes still trained to the paperwork.

“U-uh Well…” You pause for a second as you try to calm yourself down from your thoughts, thinking about what you should exactly say, “Recently, I’ve noticed you being quite down. Kind of depressed or miserable in a way—”

“Huh? I haven’t been depressed.” Shalnark exclaims, snapping out of the trance he was in as well as cutting off what you were saying.

“Let me finish idiot.” You grumble at Shalnark, flicking his forehead in anger. “Also even if you aren’t depressed—“

“Which I’m not.”

“...Do you want to get punched this time?” You threatened, watching as Shalnark suddenly broke out in a cold sweat. Memories flashing in his head of Lara pissing you off and facing your unwavering wrath. After one last glare, you continued what you were explaining, “As I was saying, Even if you aren’t depressed, it would be good for you to get out of the hospital. Hence why I decided to sign you out for my vacation week.”

It’s silent in the room as Shalnark just stares at you; an unreadable expression on his face. However, before you can figure out what expression it was, he quickly snaps out of it.

“Oh nice. That’s actually awesome.” Shalnark announces out, letting out a small giggle. “Just one question though… Is this even legal?”

“In a way…” You squeak out, watching as Shalnark looks at you with a knowing smile. Clearly understanding that you were pressing the line of legality and a possible felony in this situation.

“Well,” You watch as Shalnark shuffles out of bed; Planting his feet in front of yours before sending you a subtle wink, “Let’s get out of here before we get caught, okay?”

—.—.—.—.—.—

“So,” Shalnark starts, looking at the small white townhouse in front of him, “This is your house?”

“Um. Yeah?” You answer questioningly as you fiddle with your keys, “What about it?”

“Oh nothing.” You watch as Shalnark squats down in front of the garden gnome next to your tomato plant. Seeming to take in the plethora of plants covering your front patio. “It’s cute. I like it.”

“Thanks.” You mumble out bashfully as you unlock the front door, “I only rent the bottom floor of this place so it's quite small. But it's home.”

Before you enter, You offer a hand to help Shalnark up (He still has quite the injury in his legs after all) and watch as he walks inside your house; a limp still ever present as he walks. You just hope that he doesn’t push himself too far while with you. He might be a nen user but—

“Oh wow!” Shalnark’s voice calls out from inside the house, breaking your train of thoughts as you shut and lock the door. Confused yet curious at what he found interesting in your house, you slipped off your shoes—taking a small mental note that you should tell Shalnark to take off his as he forgot to— and walked over to his location. As you round the corner of the hall and gaze into your living room, you can’t help but let out a huff of a laugh. You can’t believe you totally forgot about Chloe.

There she stood, your 8 year old Sphynx cat that a college roommate had given you years ago, curled up in a fluffy blanket on top of her cat tree. Shalnark stood in front of the tree, looking up at the cat with an amused look as it glared down at him.

“Chloe.” You call out to your cat as you make your way next to Shalnark, “Come here baby.”

As you lift the cat off the tower, still wrapped in a blanket, and cradle her in your arms, you feel your breath hitch for a second. You turn your head as you feel a sudden pressure on your back and see Shalnark leaning over your shoulder. You stood there frozen and flustered, unable to move or look away from his face, from how close he was to you. However, Shalnark doesn’t notice how flustered you are; his attention focused on the cat in your arms. Eventually, he brings his hand down to pet her. Watching curiously as she sniffs his hand for a second before allowing him to touch her.

“They truly don’t have any fur…” Shalnark muses out as he rubs at Chloe’s ears, causing you to smile as you feel the rumbling of her purrs against your chest. “Hey (y/n)... did you know these guys are actually from Meteor city?”

“Wait… Really?” You shout out surprised, finally snapping out of the trance you were in.

“Yep!” Shalnark states rather proudly, “They were caused by accidental breeding by abandoned cats in the junkyards. …Though, the ones from Meteor city are quite rabid and terrifying so you can’t pet them like this. They would surely kill you.”

Startled, you give Shalnark a confused look, “No way…You're joking…”

“Nope.” He responds, popping the ‘p’ at the end as he walks away from you two and takes a seat on the couch. Your back suddenly feeling quite cold now that he was no longer next to you. “Even our toughest members like Phinks and Feitan were scared of those things.”

“Oh wow…“ You mumble out in amazement, placing Chloe back at the top level of the cat tree before taking a seat next to Shalnark. “...Meteor City sure sounds scary.”

“Eh, in a way.” Shalnark sighs out, stretching his back before suddenly resting his head on your lap. Startled at the act of affection, you freeze and stare down at him. Your mouth agape in shock. What… What was he doing?

“Oh.” Shalnark murmurs out as he takes note of your expression, already beginning to sit up, “Sorry, I stepped over a line didn’t I—”

“Ah! No!” You shout out, startling the both of you at how loud you were, “I mean… uh. I don’t mind, it just surprised me that’s all.”

“Oh. Okay?” Shalnark says, raising an eyebrow at you. As he sees your still worried expression looking down at him as he lays back down, he decides to flick at your forehead, surprising you. You two stare at each other for a couple of seconds before breaking out into light laughter at your stupid expression.

“W-what was that huh?”

As your laughter eventually stops, leaving you two in a comfortable silence, you stare down at Shalnark; his arms lazily crossed above his head with his eyes shut.

“You know…” You start, a stifle of a giggle sneaking up as a funny thought crosses your mind, “...You remind me of a cat right now.”

“Oh really?” Shalnark huffs out amused, popping one of his eyes open to gaze up at you.

“Yeah. All elongated on the couch, looking like you're about to fall fast asleep… Just like a little kitty cat.” You cooed out at him, taking two strands on the opposite sides of his head to form cat ears.

Shalnark sputters out a laugh before sending you a wink, “Go on. Give me a pet, Doc.”

You feel yourself freeze up as everything that has happened in these last couple of minutes hits you like a truck. Shit… You're his doctor, you idiot. This was what Mal was talking about about you getting too close with him. You have feeling for him but you can’t—

“Hey (y/n). You know…” Shalnark murmurs out, snapping you out of your thought, “One day…, I would like to take you to Meteor City.”

“R-really?” You answered, confused as where this was suddenly coming from.

“Yeah…” You watch as Shalnark eyes shift up towards the ceiling. His eyes unfocused and expression dazed as if he was off in a distant memory, “Not right now… But, In the spring…”

A smile slowly edges its way onto his face.

“Yeah… The spring,” He murmurs out again, sort of to himself, before looking at you, “You wouldn’t believe what it is like in Meteor City at the start of spring, (Y/n)... After a long hard rainy winter, seeds from rotten food, or hidden in garbage, come blooming out. It hardly lasts a month but… It’s gorgeous….”

As he stares up at you with those dazzling blue eyes of his, you can’t help but finally allow your hand to rest in his blonde locks. Wanting to understand more about that far off memory he had.

“I-I…” You murmur out, pausing as a small smile comes upon your face, “I can’t wait… Shal. Do… Do you think you could tell me more about your home while I wait?”

Just…

Just one more time, you’ll let your affections slide.

Allowing yourself to blur the lines of professionalism and wanting more.

Taglist: @meromelodi, @quartetstarheaven, @yumezai, @lvndrhwis, @writtenappreciation , @jojo-sinner, @pastelbear12, @aly-kurta, @bbunnycore, @feifood

[cheiyunn]

Under the Cloudy Skies [1-4]

~~~~~~[1]~~~~~~

Reon: (I don’t have a 4th slot today… I have plenty of time until my job, so maybe I’ll just go back and practice for a bit)

???: Ah- Reon-kun

Reon: Huh..?

Banri: I heard from Wataru-kun, that the older members of Gyro aren’t here right now?

Reon: ah… yeah

Reon: But its no big deal if they’re here or not

Banri: Oh.. really? Its just you and Nayuta-kun then

Banri: I’ve had the impression that you and Nayuta-kun often butt heads

Reon: Well that's because that bastard…

Reon: Either way, thats not a problem. Since we don’t really run into each other anyways

Banri: Ah… I see. You probably don’t have class in noon… the only thing to go to left is your part-time?

Reon: Well there's that, and also because our lives are all on different wavelengths

Reon: ( ...to simplify it, we didn’t have to really worry about that form the start)

Banri: Got it..

Banri: If you don’t have 5 people, you can’t rent a studio or practice…

Banri: Ah, what about during eating? You don’t meet up to eat?

Reon: We usually get it done outside

Banri: Eh

Reon: Or I’ll just buy from the convenience store...

Banri: You don’t cook for yourself!? WHY!?

Reon: Why… because it’s a hassle

Banri: HAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t believe this…. what a waste

Reon: No… that's just how it is

Reon: Do you make your own food in Argo?

Banri: Of course! The ingredients are also bought directly from the supermarket

Banri: Well, it was hard at first

Banri: There were some really good beginner chefs… if you left them alone they’d wash the rice down with detergent level

Banri: ...don’t tell me, are you also on that level of cooking?

Reon: At the very least, I know how to cook rice

Banri: That sounds right, and relieving

Banri: If that's the case, you should be able to practice and cook a bit right?

Banri: Just eating out or from bentos can be bad for you right

Reon: Well thats...

Reon: ....

Reon: (...that reminds me, is he, eating properly?)

Banri: ...ah, Nayuta-kun

Reon: !

Nayuta: …..

Reon: (...hm?!)

Reon: ...isn’t he, looking a little pale?

~~~~~~~~[2]~~~~~~~~

Reon: ...isn’t he, looking a little pale?

Banri: Nayuta-kun is? I’m not so sure, he looks fine to me

Reon: ...I see

Banri: If anything, I’m a little surprised that you seem pretty worried 

Reon: That’s not how it is. But, Nayuta’s throat..

Banri: ...ah, is it the asthma thing? I remember him collapsing mid-live as well

Banri: It got spread around and caused a bit of an uproar, and even he admitted to it live

Reon: Yeah

Banri: Are symptoms reappearing recently?

Reon: Nope, I haven’t heard of anything. Our last practice went smoothly after all

Banri: Got it…

Banri: If you’re curious about it, why don’t you ask him? I think you can still catch up to him

Reon: ...Nah, I’ll pass. He’s seems like type to hate being cared for

Reon: It’ll be a pain in the ass if I try to

Banri: Hm? Well, I guess I kinda understand

Banri: But the more you try to pretend that everythings okay, the more you feel like your clinging on by yourself

Banri: I’m saying that from personal experience

Banri: ....y’know, back when we were in Hokkaido, I got into a traffic incident and inconvenienced everyone

Reon: Ah… was it that time…

Banri: I didn’t want to have them be worried. I wanted to show them that I could handle it myself

Banri: But the situation got worse, and I couldn’t do it

Reon:  I see…

Banri: Well that's just in my case. There can be patterns like that as well

Reon: ...I’ll take note on that

--Night--

Salesperson: Thank you very much-!

Reon: (It’s still 7pm)

Reon: (At this time, the music store is still open, so I’ll just swing by)

*Flashback to Nayuta in the morning*: …

Reon: ...

Reon: (It’s not like I’m worried about it, but I should probably just go home now)

--Sharehouse--

Reon: I’m back...

Reon: (The fact that the lights are on means Nayuta’s already back)

Reon: (I was already told by Kenta-san, so I guess, I’ll take a peek)

*Loud sound of something crashing/falling*

Reon: hm?... Nayuta?

Nayuta: *Wheezing sounds*

Reon: Oi !?

Nayuta: shut...up..don’t be so loud

Reon: ...tch, is your asthma acting up again ! The medicine? You have some right !?

Nayuta: *Even louder wheezing and coughing sounds*

Reon: Fuck… Nayuta! Keep it together!

~~~~~~~~[3]~~~~~~~~

--Hospital--

Reon: ...it's good that I kept my calm

Nayuta: ...

Reon: That medicine.. Is pretty effective 

Nayuta: …

Reon: You little-! Why don’t you say anything! I was hella worried over this !?

Nayuta: I don’t remember asking you for anything

Reon: HA !?

Nurse: Pardon my intrusion, but please be quiet in the hospital

Reon: Ah.. right, I’ll try not to next time

Reon: Oi, Nayuta? Where’re you going

Nayuta: They ringed you up for the bill. Didn’t you hear it ?

Reon: Oh for fuck’s sake -! I’ll pay for it so you sit down

Nayuta: You don’t need-

Reon: Don’t you dare say it. Sit down

Nayuta: …

--Gyroaxia’s sharehouse--

Reon: hah…

Reon: Overuse of throat, mild malnutrition, lack of sleep. Even you heard the doctor’s reasons for your breathlessness

Reon: I thought you just weren’t at home alot, but turns out you were at the studio…

Nayuta: Whatever I do is up to me. I don’t remember having to be bossed around by you

Reon: That may be so. But it’s no good if it's to the point where you collapse

Reon: Is this something that can be managed haphazardly with the power of pure will

Reon: and if that really works, why haven’t you been able to overcome it by now?

Nayuta: …

Reon: This time it happened at the sharehouse so its fine

Reon: But if you keep doing this, there's no doubt that you’ll end up collapsing on stage

Reon: ...just like that time

Nayuta: …

Nayuta: I choose the time to finish practice

Nayuta: Its impossible to think of neglecting practice just because of my throat’s condition

Nayuta: I gotta do it somewhere

Reon: I understand that, but it doesn’t mean to force it

Reon: But your problem is that you’re so focused on what's ahead that you’re neglecting the present you

Reon: ...the thing you’re neglecting the most is your own health

Nayuta: tch, don’t just go deciding that. What do you know about me?

Reon: Then tell me. What you’re thinking

Reon: If I’m satisfied with that answer, I won’t question anything. You’ll be free to do whatever you want

Nayuta: …

Reon: If you clam it up here, I’ll keep bugging you until I hear it

Nayuta: Shut up

Nayuta: tch

~~~~~~~~[4]~~~~~~~~

Reon: So, what about it Nayuta. What do you feel about your body?

Nayuta: ...tch

Nayuta: I’m taking medicine nor am I feeling sick these days. There isn’t a live concert upcoming anyways

Nayuta: So I decided that there were no problems

Reon: ‘I decided’, it makes you sound like you were thinking before acting

Nayuta: hah

Nayuta: I didn’t want to showcase such a disgraceful figure. I have no regrets

Reon: ...

Reon: (...regret)

Reon: (Thats what Ryo-san said back then as well)

*Flashback to band practice*

Ryo: Nayuta..I think he was regretting something

Reon: Regretting?

Ryo: Yup. How he couldn’t sing at yesterday’s live

Ryo: Probably even more than anyone of us

*End of flashback*

Reon: If thats the case, don’t go ham anymore

Nayuta: I’m not taking your instructions

Reon: ...ha !?

Nayuta: It doesn’t matter if you agree or not, I do what I want

Nayuta: I don’t want to collapse at a live, and I don’t intend to in the future

Reon: Then you’re just repeating the same-

Nayuta: Shut up

Reon: …

Nayuta: At least I know about my asthma more than you, even if you’ve been around me since children

Nayuta: and just because we came to Tokyo and my health deteriorated a bit

Nayuta: With today’s seizure, I now know the line that I shouldn’t cross

Reon: Oi… don’t tell me you’re planning to go to the very edge

Nayuta: It's a necessary action, to take the world

Reon: ....you little shit..! You just never learn!

Nayuta: That guy is just doing what's convenient to him

Reon: No matter how much Kenta-san worries about you, it'll all go to naught if you keep acting like that!

Reon: For the last time, that’s-

Nayuta: I answered what you wanted to know

Nayuta: This discussion is over

Reon: Hey, hold on-

Reon: I can’t believe that fucker!

Reon: Shit… really, what is it

Reon: (...regret huh)

Reon: (I didn’t expect such words to come out of Nayuta’s mouth)

Reon: (Feeling worried… scratch that. After hearing those words…)

Reon: (...For now I need to contact Kenta-san and the others)

[hadestownmodern]

Junie Meets Melody

(posting for Annika while she’s in the car...this is her space to say something...this fic made me cry and I love it and I love her. The end)

-----

“Now, baby, what are the rules again?” Persephone prepped, carrying her four year old through the white halls, the sterile smell unsettling at the least. Her grip on her shifted as she held Junie even closer to her. It had been thirteen years since she last stepped foot in a hospital setting, and even so grief wrapped around her heart and squeezed as she took the elevator up a few floors. Even after over a decade, it was a muscle memory, to the labor and delivery floor. This time, of course, was remarkably different. She had always left empty handed, nothing to show for the pain, the suffering, and the heartbreak. There was something empowering in knowing that the first time she stepped floor on this floor in thirteen years, she had her daughter. The daughter, who against all odds, existed. And then, of course, there was the reason they were here: Orpheus, Eurydice, and their new, healthy daughter. 

Junie lifted her head from Persephone’s shoulder, nodding excitedly. “Don’t be too loud and don’t try to grab the baby.” She blinked innocently at her mother, identical brown eyes catching each other’s. “I thought we were bringing presents?”

“Good girl.” Persephone kisses her daughter’s curls, managing to avoid eye contact with nurses who knew Persephone personally, pushing her anxieties further into her chest. “Presents? Oh, well, baby, I wanted to bring Eurydice something to eat but it’s too early for anything to open.” 

Persephone arrived to the room Orpheus had instructed her to, and gave Junie a little bounce. “You ready?” She smiles at her, leaning her forehead against her own as she knocked on the heavy wooden door and waited for Orpheus to open it. 

The door opened within seconds, Orpheus standing there, tear marks still streaming down his face. HIs eyes were puffy from crying, but he had a smile brighter than Persephone had ever seen etched almost permanently into his face. He wasted no time before wrapping his arms around Junie and Persephone both, a new round of tears falling into her hair. 

“She’s perfect, she’s so perfect and Eurydice is incredible and-” He rambles a little, pulling from the hug as Persephone extends a hand to wipe his tears, a warm smile on her own face. “I’ve never been this happy in my life.” 

“Ophie!” Junie giggles, holding her arms up to him, a silent request to be held by him instead. “Ophie I missed you swimmin’!”

He holds his hands out to Junie, who’s lunging at him, and holds her on his hip. He notes mentally what a difference it is, to hold his toddler semi sister, semi niece, now that he’s held a newborn. “I’m so sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me.” 

“It’s okay Ophie, mama said you had to be with ‘Rydice. ‘Rydice is important.” Junie pats his face in understanding, before wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug. 

“Rydice is very important.” Orpheus agrees, flashing another smile at Persephone. “Buggy, you wanna come see my baby?”

Junie nods, clapping her hands excitedly. “Come on mama!” 

Persephone laughs lightly, but nods. “Lets see that baby of yours.”

Persephone is not sure what she was expecting when she followed Orpheus the extra steps into the little hospital room. 

Eurydice, laying back on the pillows, with a tiny baby flat on her chest, her hands both holding her little clothes-less baby to her skin should have been it. 

Eurydice is not looking up, her thumb rhythmically tracing the baby’s cheek as she stares at her, entranced with her girl. Even under the striped hospital hat, Persephone can see the little peaks of dark brown hair peeking out. 

“Hey little mamas, how are you feelin?” Persephone whispers, a soothing edge in her voice that is reserved for her children in their most vulnerable moments. 

She has tears in her eyes when she looks up at Persephone, her voice catching in her throat. “I did it.” Is all she can get out, before the heavy hiccup of a cry bubbles through her voice. “I did it.”

“Of course you did, baby, of course you did. I never doubted that you could.” Persephone’s hand cups Eurydice’s cheek, her thumb rubbing away the tears spilling from her eyes. She leans down and kisses her forehead gingerly, whispering again to her. “I am so so proud of you, Eurydice.”

Persephone leans back smiling at Eurydice and trying to blink back tears of her own. “Does she have a name yet?”

“Not yet.” Orpheus chimes in, bringing Junie from the window where he had been pointing out his apartment in the distance, to hover on the other side of the bed. He kneels, bringing Junie to eye height with Eurydice. Eurydice nods, her hand still firmly planted on the bare skin of her daughter’s back. 

“This is our baby, Junie.” Orpheus whispers, an awe in his voice unlike anything Persephone had heard before. She suspected that awe inspiring love would be all consuming for the foreseeable future of Orpheus’ life.  

Junie’s eyes almost immediately go wide, and she reaches out a little hand. It is impossibly gentle, the way this four year old hovers her hand over the baby’s. Eurydice nods, a gentle encouragement, as Junie reaches a little closer and Melody’s fist reflexively wraps around Junie’s pointer finger.  

“Hi, best friend.” Junie whispers, her other hand ever so gently touching Melody’s hat covered head, eyes going even wider when the baby moves at her touch. She scrunches her nose when she sees Melody’s face, and innocently whispers across the bed to her mother. “Mama..why does she look like that?”

“Like what, honey?” Persephone muses, her hands pushing back Eurydice’s bangs absently as she watches her daughter interact with the baby. 

“I thought she’d look like a baby doll, but she isn’t very cute, mama.”

“Juniper!” Persephone lectures, her voice raising just a little in disapproval. “That's not very nice.” 

“Her face is all squishy!” Junie defends, gesturing at Melody for emphasis. “Rydice is so pretty, why isn’t her baby pretty? Rydice i’m so sorry! You should have a pretty baby.”

“Juniper Beatrice that is enough-”

Eurydice though, is laughing. Laughing in a way that makes her shoulders shake, laughing in a way that has her eyes squeezed shut as she wheezes. “No, no, it’s okay. Junie’s right. I know she isn’t very cute yet, Junebug, but she’ll get there. It doesn’t make us love her any less, just because she looks kind of funny right now.” Eurydice promises, reaching a hand up to hold Junie’s. “She’ll get there.”

“I think she’s beautiful.” Orpheus murmurs, trying not to show offense at Junie’s harsh criticism of his newborn. 

“She’s my best friend, even if she isn’t very cute.” Junie assures, tilting her head to the side so she could be face to face with the baby. 

Eurydice sits up, and looks at Orpheus with a mischievous glint in her eye. “Do you want to hold her, Bug?”

Junie nods rapidly, holding her arms both out expectantly. This causes the adults to laugh, as Orpheus stands. 

“Orpheus is gonna hold you if thats okay..” Eurydice explained, as Orpheus settled in the chair beside the bed, holding Junie on his thigh. “Seph, can you take her over there..” She gestures towards Melody, as she peels her from her chest and cradles her in the crook of her arm, “walking isn’t my friend right now.” 

Persephone only laughs, before gently taking the infant from her mother. She looks at her for a few seconds, already able to see Eurydice in the shape of her mouth or in her nose, something she left out after Eurydice acknowledging her appearance. She revels in the feeling of a new baby in her arms, something she had long since forgotten the feeling of. 

Persephone stands infront of Orpheus and her daughter, watching as Orpheus settles his arms and Junie reaches hers out. He is gentle in the way he instructs Junie to keep her arms down, nodding at Persephone as she starts to lower Melody into his, and therefore Junie’s awaiting arms. 

Junie is enraptured almost immediately, her tiny finger tracing the baby’s nose. “My best friend.” She cooes, leaning down almost immediately to kiss her nose. “I love you, best friend.” 

There is something natural in the way Orpheus immediately responds to fatherhood, in his knowing ability to coach Junie through holding his daughter. It came from the practice of Junie herself, as well as inherent instinct within him. 

“She loves you too, bug, look how quiet she is for you.” Orpheus assures, kissing Junie’s hair gently. “She loves you.”

Persephone has the thought to take a picture on her phone, one of both Junie and Orpheus beaming at her, but another which is more candid, of both of them looking down at the baby with nothing but adoration on their faces. 

She settles on the edge of Eurydice’s bed, running her hand over her arm. “I brought shots, but now is not the time is it?”

Eurydice snorts as she shakes her head. “Not the time. I don’t think the baby needs shots on the first day of her life, do you?”

“I can agree. Maybe next weekend.” Persephone teases, kissing Eurydice’s forehead again before grabbing the throw blanket at the end of the bed from her home and tucking it around her. 

Time passes with idle chat, Persephone inquiring more after Eurydice’s health than anything, even declining the offer to hold the baby herself. “We’ll be back later, Hades, my mama, and Hermes will want to come.” She promises, coaxing Junie to give up the baby. “Come on, we’ll be back soon… lets go back to sleep at home, your daddy should be gone for work.” 

Junie relinquished the baby, and eventually agreed to leave after many rounds of hugs to Orpheus and Eurydice. 

Persephone is carrying her out, heart fuller and happier than it had ever been as she left a hospital. 

“I know what her name is, mama.” Junie announced as they walked out of the building and into a local coffee shop. “But amma says they have to pick it!”

“Amma didn’t let me pick your name.” Persephone muses, but indulges Junie anyway. “And what is her name, baby?”

“Her name is Melody, mama.”

[thebleuroseproject]

On Helena: #1

Context: I am playing Helena in a Vampire, the Masquerade game. Setting is Boston, Necropolis, 2015. Helena is mortal, currently a ghoul to another player character (Klaxon). The player characters are Klaxon (Nosferatu), Elyas (Tremere), Keri (Gangrel), Garreth (Gangrel). Our DM is Gore. Some of this conversation will be edited out as I have done this to focus on Helena and her character.

Garreth OOC: -points to Helena- baby

Alex: Helena agreed, but is also aware Garreth is also baby, so it's like the same feeling you have for the baby sitter that's two years older than you are.

***

Gore: Garreth and Klaxon have to make it out alive as they went into it. But y'all split the party on me so I can't gaurantee that.

Alex: Helena will probably come rushing back. I don't think she will move in just due to how complex her plant/heat lamp set up is.

Gore: She could leave them with her plant dealer, Gus?

Alex: She could but it's like leaving your cat with your best friend. You trust them but that's your baby, and you will worry constantly.

***

Alex: She wouldn't cope well with Klaxon having monster sex- she heard something about him fucking a demon, and having also SEEN Necropolis...so she looks at her dorm and values the quiet.

Gore: He can't bring them topside, so Helena's safe.

Alex: I don't think she knows that.... but I do think she'd miss him then.Oh my god is she the mum friend? I think she is! "AT WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS?? YOU DIDN'T TEXT ME I WAS WORRIED?". Either way, she's still on the fence about her dorm and I can't push her any which way.

***

Gore: Has she heard stories about how brutal U.S cops are?

Alex: No, she's pretty shut in. She came to America for study and books, so thats EXACTLY what she's doing.

Gore: She's not aware of the political climate of it?

Alex: No, she's one of those 'I don't read the news'

Gore: Aight

Alex: I never really thought about it but I guess she is autistic. The 'outside' world doesn't really interest her on a larger scale. She's more about tasks and interests. The only reason I'M not like that is because of my flavour of anxiety being worried that I'm not a good person. I think Helena's is more about just interacting with people and her routines. She DOES love the World and humanity, but she's much more of a fan of nature because she's always found it hard to connect with people. This doesn't mean she's NASTY, she's nice to everyone and wouldn't hurt a fly - she just simply doesn't understand things like racism/homophobia on an emotional level. Historically though, of course she does.

***

Gore: What happens if one of her friends gets hurt?

Alex: She's never had that problem before really. The best example so far is with Patrick (NPC)when she was like OH GOD OH NO. Her first thoughts were practical though "I have to find him and give him first aid or whatever I can do". She has her panic attacks but like when Klaxon had his she throws it out the window and focuses on what needs to be done. She wants to be useful, she wants to help if she's needed in a people situation. Those situations are rare though, she's always been in her own little world, her parents hoped she'd get better with this but she's managed so far.

***

Gore: What if (helping) gets her into more trouble?

Alex: Hm. I think she takes things as it comes. If she was an element, she would be Earth. She's not selfish, she weathers the storm as best she can. THAT attitude has got her into trouble though, as she's still learning to be like "I need sleep" and "I don't want this.

***

Gore: Sometimes the Earth gets shaken. Would she take a direct attack to defend one of her new friends or have one of them defend her?

Alex: Hm, she would take a hit. She is vaguely aware people usually need to defend her, and feels bad about it. She's still never really had friends though, so this is new...AND in her mind she can always patch them up - even if that isn't strictly true.

***

Gore: How far can she go w/o realising she needs to patch herself up?

Alex: I mean she rushed out the door to help someone else at MIDNIGHT. For comparison, I would call the authorities and get some sleep since I would be useless sleep deprived. Helena doesn't even really put that as her first thought because she hasn't had anyone to really rely on (aside from her parents) so she feels like she has to do everything herself. She is Very respectful of authority figures but doesn't expect them to solve her problems, even with her parents, she realises in their old age she can't rely on them anymore. As a result, I think she'd go pretty far because she KNOWS the body and how it works. She will always think she can take a little more, but in reality she can't predict the impact and just how hard the next hit will be.

***

Gore: So if her legs are gone, she would still crawl to others to heal them?

Alex: Oh yeah, if she can move and has bandages. If not, she would at least move to be with them. Helena would be happy to go and then come straight back if Klaxon told her to and if she was given a use. Go there and come straight back we need to you to X for this thing.

***

Gore: You are a Brit in Boston in 2015 I gotta say that as well...

Alex: She's been fine at Uni

Gore: Up until now

Alex: It's only been a day for her, she doesn't get that yet. At Uni she does largely what she's told if given a clear reason.

Gore: Yeah but here's the thing about med school. It is highly competitive and people are always looking for excuses to flunk people out.

Alex: True. But she is VERY GOOD at what she does. I imagine that does annoy others but also it's hard to be mad at her because she's quiet about it as well as sweet, lovely and helpful to most people she meets. She knows her place with people in general, and it is at the bottom.

Gore: Some Boston people would say that you belong in the harbour with the tea

Alex: and she would clam up and walk on by.

***

Alex: Teachers like her because she's polite, studies hard and is VERY earnest in what she does. Helena making a mistake is rare, so when it happens, some shit is going down.

Gore: It sure will be

Alex: She's going to have to rush in and lie to teachers, she won't like that at ALL. Helena is a good girl but she ain't saying shit about Necropolis. She doesn't fully understand why, but she feels it in her heart to shut up.

Gore: Why?

Alex: Klaxon said they've (kindred) been around forever and have functioned this way. The heart doesn't know the lungs exist but functions anyway, yet NEEDS those lungs. She isn't loyal to humanity like that, her interest lies in medicine and they (kindred) don't seem malicious, from what she's seen.

***

Gore: Wouldn't it be a great medical advancement to study those undead and cryptids?

Alex: Yeah, but not on a huge scale. She knows about medicinal cruelty. How many have been mutilated or hurt in the name of study? With the world as it is now, no. Sure, an ideal world in Helena's mind would be all species working and living together but she KNOWS that isn't going to happen.So she will study by herself, and she's fine with that.

***

Gore: If embraced, would she study herself

Alex: Yeah, absolutely.

Gore: To what degree?

Alex: Not to like 'remove arm' degree, she would do it as needed. Like when they test new skincare on humans "I put this swatch on to see how it works". Blood samples, skin samples, bone study - she would see if she could get books on anatomy for surgery and healing.

***

Alex: The idea of studying forever appeals to her, but the passage of time scares her. She's not ready to be a vampire but she might be if she lost all her connections on the outside. I don't think it would be healthy for her though.

The joy of a mortal life is that you (hopefully) realise eventually that you have to self actualise or you WILL DIE and things will be WRONG.

Gore: What value is your own health when there's injured people?

Alex: Exactly. But I don't think she'd be her own person, she'd dedicate her life to a cause.

***

Alex: She's still developing as a person

Gore: You can develop as a kindred, it happens.

Alex: I think she thinks she might get there (being a kindred) but not at the drop of a hat.

Gore: Funny thing about death, you aren't always ready for it.

Alex: I know that, and she knows that a little. But Klaxon said she could choose, and she would like to. When it comes to big decisions I think she's slow and deliberate, like a plant. She really doesn't like change all that much.

***

Gore: You can't trust those Tremere, they can and will sell you out or use you for a ritual.

Alex: She won't see it like that, she is individual by individual. Like with her plants. HER Aloe Vera is not like any other aloe vera if you look on a deeper level, which she does.

***

Gore: She wanted to be a war medic right, has she done any internships at that level?

Alex: Not yet. She wanted to do her degree first for the skills, learn as much as she could by the boos because it's not something you can or should wing.

***

Gore: Would she squee if she met a moss or grass person?

Alex: Probably. Absolutely. Maybe quietly. She would probably love to learn to help them if they get sick. In retirement I can see her as being the best GP ever. The nurse that gives you breathing room if you have needle anxiety. The doctor that believes you and gives you a refferal. She is GOOD and I love her.

[faefulli]

(pick and choose if u don't wanna do all) ☄️ for eclipse, 🍵 for nokova, 💧 for sun, 🧠 for aurora, 🗣️ for wynter, 🕰️ for sirius, 🗺️ for earth, 💍 for mars, 🎁 for saturn, 🎨 for sun, AND 📓 for eclipse

Theres a lot here so it goes under a cut!!!

☄️ Does your OC believe in fate and destiny or do they think it’s a load of garbage? Would they ever get this fortune told? What would a fortune-teller tell them about their future?

Eclipse thinks fate is a load of shit rjghkr he’s been through enough to know, in his mind anyway, the only thing stopping you from getting what you want is what youre willing to do to attain it. He believes you carve your own path in life and doesnt need someone else to tell him how to do anything.

🍵 Are there any rumours about your OC hanging around? Nasty ones or just good humoured? Got any gossip to share about them?

“Well I heard from Ninka, who heard from Yukin who heard from Flora that the king talks to the doves when he thinks no ones watching, Flora said she heard him talking to the bird like a close friend and calling it ‘Fieyro’. He must be a little loopy from inhaling all that dragon smoke!!!!!”

💧 What makes your OC lose hope, what makes them give up and feel helpless? Have they ever given up on something really important or let go of a dream? What are some of their biggest regrets? Would they ever try again (if they’re able to)?

Sun finds it hard to not be optimistic, hes often the light in the darkness both figuratively and literally for some people whether he means to be or not, but when he himself cant find that light for himself? its easy for him to loose sight of even his own light. His light is his family!!! everything he does he does for him, his strength is for them. Taking that away from him is a sure fire way to break that man, taking away his reason to fight snuffs his fire out completely!

(tw for abusive/unhealthy relationship)

though if you wanna get more nuanced and angsty about it, tau broke sun down so easily because of the way tau did it, tau made himself someone important to sun by taking him under his wing and teaching him how to use his powers when he first formed as a star, and then nitpicking everything about him in the sweetly condescending way he did once sun looked up to him the way that he did. sun was (and still does struggle with this in present day) so worried about how this extremely important person in his life perceived him he hung onto every word and would begin to feel worthless and give up when he couldnt please.

(tw over)

that little tangent wasnt really related but [shrug] have fun with that

🧠 Talk about your OCs mental health! Do they have any specific triggers or ways to practice self care? What are some things that are more difficult for them to do because of their mental health?

I can’t talk about this one too too much because some of the party follows me here and auroras backstory is kinda shhshhshh but ill tell u on discord teeheehee

🕰️ Has there been an event that happened in your OCs past that affects their future or one that they think about still? Is this a bad event or a good one? What are a few of their childhood memories they can recall?

Sirius will never forget the day he became the only sirius, when he lost B everything became very quiet in their system. B isnt dead, but has run their course in life and is laying comatose in their home in the empty space. 

🗺️ Does your OC like going on adventures? Have they ever discovered something really interesting and significant or are they just too busy getting lost? Where is their favourite place they’ve been? Least favourite?

Earth loves adventuring when he can sneak away from his dad!!!!! surprisingly he loves colder places on his planet because snow is a pretty foreign concept to celestials! he knows about ice yeah, but this powdery??? fluffy white ice???? love it fun to throw at people, easy to cause chaos with, 10/10. hes found things he thinks are cool, like shiny things, interesting rocks hes never seen, new plants things like that!!!!

🎁 What would be the perfect gift to buy your OC? What would be the worst gift? Are they themselves any good at gifting things or are they really indescisive? How do they wrap their presents?

Saturn loves buying gifts for people, because they analyze people to easily, very insightful 10/10! They like to wrap presents themselves in paper because they find the process of measure cut wrap ribbon tie repeat very calming to do. Saturn likes things they can use to make things with! fabric paints, ribbons, fabric, hell theyll even take re gifted clothes and make them into something new! worst thing you could get saturn tho is something like overly gender labeled tho, like a shirt thats overly gendered or something like that, otherwise theyll find a way to use what you get them

🎨 Is your OC artistic? Can they draw or paint or do they prefer another medium? Are they a writer or musician or do they do something else? Give us a quick run down of what they can get creative with!

sun really likes markers and paints but for the reason of he likes drawing on his skin! he likes to see what he can do with the fact that his freckles can shine through most of the paint and it poses a neat challenge to him! he also likes singing but thats more so like a thing he does when hes alone and doesnt like to do around others that much

[obeymematches]

Hi! I hope you don’t mind if I ask for a matchup. Just don’t push yourself, okay? You seem to have a lot to handle. I’ll try not to overload you with too much, but I apologize ahead of time if I write a whole book or get too personal. I just wanted to make sure I added a good chunk for a good comparison! I’ll try not to get too into it, though. Sorry again if I put too much!

Basics : I’m a 5’6, 19 y/o, chubby/curvy female who is a bit of an anti-social shut-in. I come across as very shy, quiet to the point of how I usually never say a word otherwise unless I’m asked a question, though can also be seen as ‘lazy’ and someone who is too addicted to technology. I’m also rarely affectionate, though not against being given affection as long as I’m asked. I’m not a touchy feely person.

Layer 1 (Flaws, problems, etc) : My behavior stems from social anxiety and from bullying experiences that have traumatized me growing up, as I had to deal with it up until maybe a year ago. Some of it was from my own family, and some from the school. I ended up with a fear of expressing myself to strangers, especially around boys. I found my way of coping was to dive into video games and anime, alongside art. Outside of this, I’m a mess. I usually suffer from many health problems (that I don’t feel comfortable sharing, but can mention it makes my efforts to find a way to get comfortable in my body with a new Workout routine very difficult) due to my body being extremely weak. It has been ever since conditions related to my birth, and my medications Needed to keep me around cause me to be big boned. I’m physically strong enough to fight for myself if I needed to, but when it comes to illness and the like, I’m the loser here. I also have a hard time keeping eye contact. I also tend to apologize a lot for everything. I can’t handle crowds, or I’ll likely pass out after a while. My body is hard to take care of despite my best efforts. However, I do have sensitive ears and tend to be jumpy when someone raises their voice. It’s not too difficult to scare me, which in the past is what usually managed to convince me to go along with things like the bullying. To this day I still can’t handle being yelled at, since I also tend to yell at myself later for messing up for whatever caused someone to yell at me. I’m extremely hard on myself. I also tend to take things to heart. My ‘laziness’ also is because I have my own fight with depression to deal with that adds a factor into this too. Consider it a double edged sword, but despite that I tend to destroy myself trying to put others first before me.

Layer 2 (Opening up) : if I do open up to someone, I’m more prone to have my ‘quirks’ show, such as bouncing in place when I’m excited. I occasionally ramble about my interests (and apologize after). I may not be the best at showing how I care, but I try to do the best I can with what little skills I have. But I do become a bit more social with a person the more I know them. However, it doesn’t change that one might have to message/approach me first, since at times it takes me ages to send a message for fear I’m bothering someone. I’ll be more willing to head out with someone if I’m closer to them, though I’m still insecure about my appearance.

Layer 3 (Pro’s?) : I’m not against trying new things, within reason. I’m not difficult to please. I would be fine sitting in a room watching critical role for the next 10 hours with someone just being quiet and consider that a bonding moment. I don’t mind over the top, but I don’t usually favor it due to my insecurities telling me that this wasn’t deserved. (Not that it isn’t appreciated, but it’s hard to fight ones inner demons, ya know what I mean?) From what my few friends say, however, they would trust me to be a leader to my friend group should the need arise, and I’m usually serious, mature, calm and collected. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my own sense of humor (usually dark humor, with the occasional laugh from a joke I didn’t expect to hear). Due to a bit of my background, I know a lot on self defense due to being in a former military family (All retired) who thought I should know how to fight due to how the world can be. This is also why I’m usually trusted to make decisions for my friend group, even if it’s in games where survival is key. I’m usually the last one standing, while being cautious enough. I also can be a hard worker when I can put my mind to it- reading a whole manga series in one day or finishing an anime? Finishing art? You name it. Though a double edged sword trait I know I have (Since it can be both a blessing and a curse) is my perfectionism. Everything has to be perfect. The decorations? Yes. Everything has to match? Yes. I have to make the most detailed building in Minecraft? On it. My fashion sense also plays a part in this too, as I try to make it work with my task too. (I can tend to overdo it and sometimes don’t give myself breaks when I’m in this mood though.) I’m usually good on saving money, and I try to see the best in people despite my experiences. I’m not easily persuaded by looks, as I usually don’t care for them much. I am a creative person as someone who strives to be good at art, but also as someone related to a medic, I also have been learning what to do when the need arises for someone to need a medic. I can be motherly at points, considering some of my other friends to be like my kids. I fret over them constantly. There are times where the tables end up turned. I love acquiring new knowledge that’s something I’m not used to. Oh, you’re a witch? Cool I’m a (religion I’m not sharing due to it being a touchy subject to most). Can you tell me all about it? I’m really curious.

Layer 4 (Hobbies and everything else?) : I do like swimming, drawing, creating characters for my own stories (as a dungeon master in dnd), reading (mostly manga), collecting gemstones and anime merch, playing video games, and cooking on occasion. I also love my pets (currently a rabbit and a puppy) and enjoy cuddling with them. Despite finding cats to be cute, I happen to be allergic to them (as in my skin will break out mostly- it’s not severe but annoying nonetheless). I also have a fear of bugs. Despite only losing myself maybe 3 times in my whole life, I do have a nasty temper if someone gets on my nerves too much. I usually end up punished for it, hence my bottling up of emotions. So otherwise, it’s hard to get me truly angry to the point of where I’m raising my voice unless someone crosses a line. I’m slowly learning to speak up for myself more.

Alright, that’s the end! Again, I’m so sorry if this is too much information! I have never done one of these before. ^w^’

------

Hi!!!!

I put a keep reading button because it’s a long text and sometimes it gets very personal, so yeah

Sorry for the wait, and I hope you like the result!

Tbh I was thinking and I had several ideas while reading it, for example I can see you with Levi and maybe Belphie. I decided to go with Levi. Your sense of humour is a good match with Belphie but he can be so sassy and can have such an attitude that I think Levi works better, as you said you tend to take things to heart. I know you said it’s hard to actually upset you but I think Levi occassionally calling you a normie is so much less stressing than Belphie and I think you really deserve someone who doesn’t give you a hard time. (No offense to Belphie hes cool and as a friends thats alright but yeah)

So I think Levi is good with someone who’s not too affectionate, like he can get so flustered, it’s easier for him with someone like you!

He also has a quite severe social anxiety so he really gets you when you say you’d rather stay at home than go to a convention or party.

My hyphothesis is that he has online classes because of that. Like I don’t think he was bullied, he really just can’t stand being around people that much

He is also accepted in his family, like everybody is chill with him being an otaku. (I guess sometimes he gets teased but it’s mostly just him talking down on himself) So the point is that at home he can be himself! I think he would reassure you that liking what you like is totally fine.

At first he will 100% call you a normie until you prove yourself otherwise but that shouldn’t really be an issue - especially if you open up to him about it. I think he is the best candidate to understand your feelings. Not just “oh that sucks babe, iloveyou” but like really get you, you know what I mean. Even if he is not always great at expressing himself, you’d just know he means well.

I think he would also accept you the way you are. Of course your well-being is going to concern him sometimes but he knows you can take care of yourelf. Although if you need help he will do whatever you need. He can be pretty determined when it comes to something/someone he loves

I think he would be very surprised by the fact that you are physically strong in a good way! Like wow babe you can really do that...🥺

He would definitely see a part of himself in you and he would make sure to remind you that you don’t have to apologize for everything you do. Even if he does so himself, that doesn’t mean that you have to be insecure like him! 😠

He’s not really the one to shout at you since you can probably accept him, and he can accept you even if at first he thinks you a boring normie

I think after you two actually spend time together and open up and really get to know the other he will see that you are soo hard on yourself because of your past and he will definitely try his best to cheer you up and have you loosen a bit.

Or if you’re not into that then he can just listen. If you don’t want to talk he can play multiplayer games with you or watch anime, etc, anything to make you feel better!!!!

I think he is also more likely to get into DnD than Belphie, thats also a reason why I decided that Levi is better. I’m personally not into it so I don’t know for sure but if you have an anime/Japan related game/story then you don’t have to say no more, he’s in a 100%!!!

After that he will probably try like...less otaku-friendly DnD games/stories! Just be patient with him. He will learn all the rules and read all the books to a T but actually speaking in front of a group of people he doesn’t know won’t be so easy!!!! 🥺  

After that he will probably convince his brothers to play too and now you have DnD night with the bros, yay! (i let you imagine how the details go!!)

I think he would approach you first with his anime-related topics and I think you could probably answer him! And that would be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!

He can also ramble about the things he likes and he would make sure that after a while you don’t apologize for talking about things you like! He probably likes something similar too, so he could suggest some things!

He said he prefers someone who he can be in the same room with and not really interact that much actually? so like you watching critical role while he watches anime is a good way to spend time!! stay at home dates are dates too!

Hmmmm i think he would definitely like to play a survival multiplayer with you, so be prepared!!!!!!

Hm I think he would take your fashion related suggestions for him, even if he himself isn’t a perfectionist. But I mean if you look at his room he is pretty organized and not too messy, so that’s a bonus I think.

I think he is a good match because you can balance out his reckless money spending tendencies! Not sure if it’s possible to change that completely about him, but at least one of you is responsible with money, so thats a good enough!

Hm I think he could talk a lot about being a demon with you, so thats really nice that you’re interested in his culture! I don’t think he has ever considered that as anything special, but now is the time!

It’s good that you can’t have a kitty because he has a fish and that wouldn’t really be a good combination now, would it?

I think he relly appreciated a responsible and caring partner like you, because he really needs all the extra care he can get to boost his confidence! He is usually rather child-like, so that is also probably a bonus!

Conclusion; definitely he is the one to initiate first interaction, but it’s probably just looking at the other for a while until he gains enough confidence to actually talk to you. This is a very accepting relationship with lots of caring and confidence boosting involved on both sides! Theres also this deeper understanding due to insecurities and social anxiety. I think after a couple years in the relationship both of you change in a good way as you are very mindful of the other’s insecurities. Definitely not a lot of arguing going on, he is a very loyal and caring partner once you earn his trust, so zero lines crossed! Dates are mostly at home, but thats cool! You are the more responsible one while he can be kind of reckless with his impulses, but that just leads to a good balance and he knows he should respect your advice regarding impule buyig stuff for example.

[all-hail-the-witcher]

I have literally no clue how to do this, but director’s commentary on your ‘One expensive can of easy cheese’ fic?

hell yeah!!

all comments will be in bold

______

Race was sat on top of the counter in his and Albert’s apartment, race only knows how to sit on counters lets be real, he can't sit in a chair to save his life a piece of duct tape over his mouth and his hands tied together with kitchen twine KINKYY. He sighed against his restraints, resigned to watch his boyfriend make their contribution to this year’s Thanksgiving gathering: mac and cheese. okay so its mac and cheese cause if you read spies mac and cheese is Literally the Only thing albert knows how to cook, other than coffee, and he's Really Fuckin Good At It (he's the mikey of mac and cheese okay this is my hc)

Now, of course everyone and their mother knew that mac and cheese was not a Traditional Thanksgiving Food is it though, r a c e r?. But, Albert had won (best out of three) mario kart yesterday so he had gotten to decide what they would bring to Jack’s house i was gonna make it rock paper scissors, i do not know hot to play mariokart, but it sounds more heated than rock paper scissors. Had Race known that he had been planning to make mac and fucking cheese, maybe he would have tried a little harder race be quiet you literally love alberts mac and cheese its a known fact.

Apparently, Albert was not pleased with Race’s reaction to his decision to make mac and cheese, and thought that Race might try to get in the way somehow (which he may or may not have fully intended to do) he did. So he did what any loving boyfriend would: sat him on the counter, put duct tape over his mouth and tied his hands together so he wouldn’t interfere albert sounds real kinky in this, why did i make this so kinky, wait when did i even write this.

Race was beginning to wonder why he had agreed to move in with Albert in the first place. CAUSE YOU LOVE HIM THATS WHY

With a violent shake of his head and one final spat who the fuck uses the word spat huh saph??, he was able to dislodge the duct tape d i s l o d g e thats some karen bs right there.

“Albieeeeee,” he whined, laying down on the counter. “Can you pleaaaaaaaseee let me helllllllllp?” yeah albert let him help jeez he's the one who actually knows how to cook

Albert barely glanced up as he pulled the big wooden spoon out of the pot and gave it a thoughtful lick note to self, all licks should always be thoughtful. “Hmmmmmmm. No.” dumbass. if only you knew what was coming.

“But-!” He wriggled w r i g g l e d around to give Albert his best puppy dog eyes. “Can I make something else then? Ple-OW!” He glared at the spatula that had been hurled at his arm. “You apologize for that!” damn albie why so mean? o wait i wrote this wait...

“Nah.” He smirked and went back to stirring his wretched pasta okay but i did a good job making race salty i gotta give myself that. Well, actually Albert’s mac and cheese was quite good hELL YEAH IT IS. Race was just salty that he was making it for Thanksgiving when it was very well known that he was the chef of the two and Jack was expecting something good not the mac and cheese Albert famously made at 2am in college when they were all high as hell. okay real talk tho, no one eats good mac and cheese in college, its the instant microwave shit cause were all broke so thats a lie race

“Can you at least untie me then?” ;)

“No.” Albert even bother considering this time. albert this is gettin Real Kinky..

“Well.” If logic wasn't going to work on Albert he would have to try another method. “I know you know how to make a guy feel good Albie HAH YES I KNEW I PULLED SOMETHING WEIRD, but I never expected ropes to be a part of it. What’s next? Handcuffs? Whips? Chains?” i gotta tell ya life without ya has been hard. hard? has been bad. bad? has been r o u g h. k i N kY

In two seconds flat Race was out of his kitchen twine bonds and flexing his sore wrists. LIKE HECK HE WAS CAUSE ALBERTS ACE AND HE DONT WANT THAT REPUTATION!!!

“Man Albie, who knew you had a twine kink.” hehe u go race

“You know,” Albert began loudly, as if thinking that his loudness would cover up his totally obvious twine kink yeah albie has a twine kink, he licks it, no this is a joke, “if you want to do something that's actually useful, you could go to Walgreens and buy me another can of Easy Cheese.” W A L G R E E NS. this whole fit was an excuse to write another part of the walgreens au

“Is that what you put in your fuckin mac and cheese?” Race swore he actually felt bile rise in the back of his throat when Albert nodded. “That’s it. I’m never eating your mac and cheese again.” BUT YOU LIKE IT

“But-!”

“I’ll eat you though,” Race winked, taking a moment to enjoy the startled, yet somehow pleased look on his boyfriend’s face. okay maybe albert wasn't ace in this particular fic...

“Not until after we’re done at Jack’s.” yeah definitely not scratch that. i write a lot of fics. Albert said only half jokingly as he dug around in his pocket for a second before throwing a crumpled five at Race. “In the meantime though, be gone thot!” GO AWAYYYY. IM A MAN OF GOD. mikey and my sister have subjected me to too many tik toks im sorry

Race barely managed to catch the bill without falling on the floor, but still blew a kiss to Albert before walking out of the apartment.

Who the fuck puts easy cheese in mac and cheese? albert does. but its actually a plot point just to get you to walgreens and if anyone puts easy cheese in mac and cheese i will fite you. He wondered for the millionth time as he stomped the three blocks to Walgreens. Albert claimed that he had chosen his apartment for its proximity to the store he did, actually, but up until today Race had always assumed that he had been joking he was not. The man did make a lot of mac and cheese and if Easy Cheese was an ingredient well….maybe there was some truth to that story after all. you can buy easy cheese at a lot of places tho...i don't actually know if you can buy easy cheese at a walgreens

Race pulled open the door to the Walgreens, pausing briefly to wonder why the absolute fuck it was open on literal Thanksgiving before remembering that it was a fucking Walgreens and why wouldn’t it be open to sell his dumbass boyfriend a can of fucking Easy Cheese. walgreens remains a mystery indeed. my only experience was the one that my best friend and i would go to at lunch during senior year. also have you ever noticed that most walgreenses are on corners? cause their slogan is at the corner of happy and healthy??

In order to get to the Easy Cheese, or at least he assumed so because he had never bought a can of Easy Cheese in his whole glorious 25 years of life a true chef, Race had to walk past the Pharmacy section of the store. And, it just so happened that there was a guy sitting behind the counter at the Pharmacy. A very attractive guy. With a beard. In scrubs. oh my god the most questionable villain I've ever written.

Now, of course Race loved Albert and nothing would ever change that, but he could appreciate an attractive man when he saw one indeed he could. He thanked whatever deity was out there for the bit of man candy M AN C AN D Y that he had been granted and went in search of his Easy Cheese. oh just you wait racetrack 

“Mac and cheese, velveta cheese, microwaveable mac and cheese, where the fuck is the- oh thank fuck there we go.” my best friend and i spent much time looking at the mac and cheese in walgreens He pulled a can of Easy Cheese off of the shelf, tossing it once and catching it athletics before turning to go pay for the horrendous product, happy to finally be done with the whole ordeal when- B R E T T 

“Easy cheese? Really?”

Race whirled whirled? saph please get a better vocabulary around to see Mr. Man Candy hA himself leaning against the opposite shelf. “Wh- who?”

“Oh,” he dusted his hand off on his scrubbs oh my god Wait i wrote this cause one time when i was in a walgreens i Did see a hot dude working the pharmacy and decided to write a fic about it!! i remember texting mikey about this hjfhgjhg, “allow me to introduce myself. My name is Brett O’Hare. and mikey came up with that name And you, sir, are a disgrace to society. The very reason why so many Americans are in poor health in this day and age.” brett is an obnoxious millennial in case you can't tell

“I’m sorry, what?”

“The Easy Cheese!” Brett gestured wildly toward the can in Race’s hand. “Gosh do you even know how many preservatives are in that stuff? And all the cancers that it can cause? It’s terrible. We wouldn’t need free healthcare if people just stopped eating Easy Cheese!” apparently he's a millennial who's also a republican...?

Race had lived in New York City his whole life, and he had seen some pretty strange things subway pizza rat, but never had he seen a pharmacist in a Walgreens lecture anyone about the health benefits of Easy Cheese. easy cheese has no health benefits. and if you'd stopped annoying your boyfriend maybe you wouldn't be there

“So let me get this straight,” Race rubbed his head, trying to make sense of the situation. “You go around yelling at people about the ingredients in the things that they are purchasing?” yeah its nyc people love to have Opinions. and so do millennials

“Yeah.”

“You do realize that this is a Walgreens, right? Everything in here probably contains some kind of chemical.” man brett has his work cut out for him. New Yorkers never ceased to amaze him.

“All the more reason for me to inform them of their poor eating habits!” Brett pointed a finger at him. “And stop distracting me! You’re the one buying the freaking easy cheese here!” this is so weird why did i come up with this idea. what possessed me. 

“It’s not even for me!” Race shouted back. “It’s for my boyfriend’s fucking mac and cheese that he insisted on making for Thanksgiving even though everyone knows that mac and cheese is not a fucking Thanksgiving food and he’s only making it cause he knocked me off the goddamn rainbow road right before the fucking finish line!” someones salty Race was fuming but the time that he was done.

“Oh, man I’m so sorry, that's lousy.” but it won't stop brett...

Race looked surprised. Of all the things that he thought he would get out of this Walgreens experience, a therapy session was indeed not on the list. But neither had been hearing a lecture about the preservatives in Easy Cheese from a pharmacist. i have literally no explanation for this train wreck of a fic

“But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re still buying Easy Cheese!” Between one second and the next, Brett had grabbed the can of Easy Cheese out of Race’s hand, wielding it like a brick ha percy jackson heroes of olympus anyone??. “Buy some fucking vegetables!” you can't buy vegetables in a walgreens brett

And with that, he struck Race over the head with the can of Easy Cheese.

Now, Race had definitely done some questionable things during his life Thats for sure. Once he had slept on the roof of his dorm building in January for a week because he lost his dorm key god why you can't even get on the roof of dorm buildings i know, I've tried, and another time he had been tricked into making an entire wedding cake using salt by Who??. However, being smacked over the head with a can of Easy Cheese by a health nut in scrubs on Thanksgiving put any and all other situations he had been in to shame in a walgreens don't forget. how did you forget that saph.  

He opened his eyes, suddenly blinded by the lights, and reached for his phone, muttering curses about man candy and vegetables as he should be. Squinting so he didn’t have to look at the screen, he somehow managed to dial Albert. no one d i a l s anyone saph. its the 21st century. i have like maybe 8 phone numbers memorized, half of them belong to my family the other half to people i knew in middle school.

“Racetrack Higgins, where is my Easy Cheese?”

Race pulled the phone away from his ear and winced at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. “Um, it may have been used to give me a concussion by a health nut in scrubs?” for Once al isn't the one who gets injured in a walgreens. bet you didnt see That coming

Albert let out a loud sigh. “Ah man, did you run into Brett? That guy’s the worst.” hehe bet al used to date him

“Wait, you know him?”

“Race, I know every Walgreens employee in Manhattan, of course I know Brett.” There was the jangling of keys in the background. “I thought I told you to go to the one on 4th for this reason, ah, well. I’m on my way. I’ll take you to urgent care. Hang tight.” ofc al goes to urgent care. and everyone there knows him by a first name basis

Race’s head hurt too much to process what Albert had said except for the words ‘I’m on my way.’ “Okay,” he sighed. this was definitely one of the times i asked mikey about oddly specific concussion symptoms and then proceeded to forget everything he told me and do my own stuff

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” Race’s eyes focused on the dented can of Easy Cheese rolling on the floor he should still buy it. “And Al?”

“Yeah?”

“This is going to be one expensive can of Easy Cheese.” get it? cause race has to pay urgent care for his consultation? and they're also Very Very late to thanksgiving. cause al insists on finishing his mac. jack is not impressed. he eats all races pie.

anyway thats that hope you enjoyed

[zephyr-94]

barista!jaemin

inspired by the one and only, puff live!

a/n: this is my first ever fic omg pls spare me with my low writing skills cause ive literally never done this fjskdjdhjdks okay i just love na jaemin periodt. (after writing: ITS VERY JUMPY AND LENGTHY I DIDNT PLAN TO MAKE IT LIKE THIS DJSKJSJSS)

so like your aunt owns a cafe which is in the middle of the city

and you live a lil outside just cause you know, school n shit

you visit her so often cause its a small cafe and it calms you down whenyou need a short break from everything

its weird thats its in the middle of the city but its still calming right?

well okay so like you know those small streets down the neighbourhoods?

the ones you dont really go unless you are rlly feeling adventurous n shit, your aunt’s cafe is in one of those streets

okay longass context down

and at school, you are in a photography club,,, or technically you just learn photography from your teacher after school but its not a whole club extravaganza

just cause your school kinda demands an extra curricular after the first year

but it feels really suffocating to be forced to do smth as a group/with people you arent as familiar with,,,,

so you “signed up” for the smallest club: [photography theory]

it was about time you start doing your hobby-ish thing at school and the tutor was cool with you being practically the only student in the club lmao so everything was going well but

youve never rlly done anything big yourself and your school friends havent pushed you to do smth either

so you were kind of looking to at least take part in one out-of-class project initiated by students maybe

and theres this big school newspaper club/writers’ club,,,, and you find out that they are like !! photographers & stories wanted !!

and you ?? at first but apparently its a project where like students get to submit their fav pic & write a mini article about “your place of comfort”

cause the topic of the month is mental health/dealing with stress and the newspaper club wants a students’ view on it, instead of just “meditation” as a topic

then you just have that cafe in your mind like,,, how you would love to shoot the street light shining into the cafe from afar and how calm that place makes you feel,,,

basically you just love your auntie’s cafe lmao

so then you go on about maybe joining it,,, but then you be indecisive cause youve never actually taken a photo professionally you just have a prolonging passion for it,,,

and your teacher is like “y/n idk why you are contemplating no ones gonna judge you just try smth new, go take the chance if you are feeling like it”

we love a supportive johnny, oh yes your english teacher is your photography “club” tutor,,, self proclaimed club

actually there have been many opportunities in the past with taking photos for projects like this one but you just stayed away cause it didnt “motivate” you to take photos for it

so johnny’s words kinda pushed your back n you felt like this was the right thing :))

so then you visit your auntie on the weekends asking maybe if you can take pics & ask her a couple questions about this place

and shes like ofc!! wanna see how you capture this place :))

so then you do this whole process and you submit the article & photos,,,,,

which ends up getting a whole page???

and you are like wh a t

newspaper club: oh you submitted many such pretty pictures & your comment felt very genuine

and you :)) but damn a whole page,,,, you is a lil anxious djskdjdh now the entire schools now going to know you

johnny the hype man teacher: see i told you it was going to turn out nice

and then kaboom, your article lowkey blows up lmao

your auntie is calling you up like “y/n!! so many customers came today!! and a lot of them are wearing the same uniform as you, they must be the students from your school!!”

and shes so happy so you are happy af

but then you remember like,,,, shes never had a part timer,,,,,

and she continues to manage the place by herself after it gets popular among the students,,,,

?? auntie,,, you never take a break ??

shes like maybe ill think about hiring someone?? and you are like, that would be good for you :)) i will be less worried about your health!!

whoop guess who got hired

and after youve had that^ conv, you had constant classes n group projects n shit so you literally had no time,,,

two weeks later, kinda highkey stressed

you decide to go make a quick visit to auntie before going to the library to study

and you peek,,, to see not your auntie,,,,

but a boy?? 

just standing behind the counter,,, no auntie to be seen but a beautiful boy???

before the opening hours,,,, he?? must be the part timer,,,

and once he notices you by the door,

he just smiles at you,,, so brightly,,,,

wow youve never seen such a pretty face,,,

you actually like forget to open the door you are just staring from outside the cafe,,,,

and he just waves,,, and you snap back to reality like oh shit did i just stare at someone for a solid minute

welp that was embarrassing djkdjdfj

he opens the door for you and goes “hey you must be y/n :))”

“the only person who comes before 9am, thats you isnt it?”

and you just ?¿ confusion??¿

“auntie told me about it :)) hi, nice to meet you, im jaemin!!”

you are still confused but you just shake hands next to the counter,,,

and as you take a seat

jaemin just makes a smol run to the other side and hes like

“you came just in time, i want you to try my latte!!”

jaemin serves a cup of latte with a leaf art

this boy just served a latte first thing after shaking hands i-

you take a sip from the cup

and you are like,,, so auntie hired an experienced boy,,,,

“its really good,,,” it has the same comforting taste you always love

and jaemin just has the biggest smile :)))) you know his smile where the ends just curl in, yes that one

him beaming like that just makes you giggly inside,,,,

you ask him “so uh um im guessing you are the part timer??”

“yes!! i didnt introduce myself properly did i! i started working here two weeks ago :))

ive been coming here for quite a while now so im happy i got the chance!!”

and you ?¿ “ive never seen you here??” you are the most frequent customer youve gotta have seen him before fjsksj

hes like “oh um i always came at 9pm on a friday, after everyone leaves and the whole neighbourhood gets quiet”

you just :o

and come to think of it, you’ve never visited here on a friday night,, cause you know, friday evening is your im not doing anything tonight kinda me time lmao

inside you are kinda happy that someone who knows this place got hired like its a special place to you so

tbh you were kinda anxious even though you trust your aunt,,,,,

and jaemin hurriedly goes “oh and also auntie is taking a break today, shes out to the market so im gonna take over until she returns in the afternoon”

djskdj auntie why didnt she tell you lmao

“im sorry if you needed anything specific from her,,, you should stay for a while until she comes back maybe?”

and you are like,,, “oh that would be great,,, but unfortunately i have to go to the library,,,,”

jaemin: ): he pout

“im so glad you came today tho!! i wanted to see you :) auntie has told so many thing about you”

“wait,, what has she told you,, omg”

apparently shes told jaemin

a) reason why this cafe recently became a popular hideout cafe for students because you wrote a school article bout it

b) that you do photography

c) and that this cafe is your break time so you never study here and auntie loves listening to you talk about school n what not

and then you are like !!

“wait so then you dont go to our school ,,,um are you also a student?”

and you panic a little cause i mean you just met him but you literally know nothing and you mightve assumed things fjsksj

and jaemin tells you “ah yes i go to a hospitality school downtown” “ohh”

and from there he just starts talking about his school and what he studies

he asks you about school but jaemin is extra excited about his hospitality course hes all !! :))!!

and you are so hooked on jaemin talking about his school you forget an hour passes by,,,,

[time to open the cafe]

then the customers start coming in

and you are like “oh sorry ive just bothered you during the preparation time,,,,, it was nice meeting you!! gotta go now :))”

and you rush out cause all you planned to do was give your auntie a little visit

also you dont want to bother jaemin cause its hes gonna handle the place alone for a couple hours

you wave a smol see you soon and

jaemin just does a little chuckle,, and hes like waving so widely fjsksj does he know other people can see him

and thats how your first day with jaemin went

later that day you return home thinking like,,, did you just get so excited to converse with someone who you juSt met,,,

na jaemin’s power

and jaemin on the other hand, is thinking about how beautiful you looked today

just that short while but it made him so happy

hes thinking about you all week uwu

so next week you visit again, expecting to see your auntie

and maybe also that gleaming boy

peeking through before the opening hours

the moment jaemin realises you hes like “y/n!!” what a shining boy

and aunties like “oh y/n right you met him last week when i was out right”

that morning you just talk to auntie about what shes been missing on after you went on a busy week

mind that jaemin is literally just listening to you & auntie talk

and he enjoys it cause you talk so comfortably in front of her :))

you decide to stay the whole day to give yourself a break

which meant you moved to your usual spot by the window

and auntie serving you (free) vanilla latte

you take out your camera and just start adjusting the lenses, trying to find the right frame

customers come and go so you dont get to talk to jaemin a lot that day

but its not like you came here for him,,,, right?¿??¿??

while you were thinking all that

jaemin was asking about you all day like

“so y/n’s favourite is vanilla?”

“does y/n prefer a latte over cappuccino?”

“i want to serve y/n something,,,, what would be the best??”

auntie: how many times did he mention y/n today omg

and as auntie answers

jaemin is thinking like

i wanna see y/n smile

and the entire day your auntie is like !!he :)))))

lmao same auntie same

so when the peak hours finish she goes

“i can take care of everything now, go talk to y/n”

and jaemin just smiles brighter than ever

so when he comes around, you startle

but it puts a smile on your face

because hes brought your favourite cake and just a smiling jaemin in front of you uwu

you both get to know more about each other like

how theres this two boys named chenle & jisung in the preparatory course whom he adores to death

or like

theres this jeno boy whose jokes suck jeno i love you

with a bonus of

you talking about how johnny’s english class is nothing but a comedian’s lesson

so that day went great

and now that you are comfortable

you visit the cafe to talk with jaemin more

even when you have a chill no stress week

it just makes you feel lighter by coming to the cafe now

and your auntie is hella happy that you two are getting along so well

it continues for weeks

just you and jaemin talking from time to time when the peak hours are over or before the cafe opens

you became best pals basically

he encouraged you to join more school projects cause hes sure your photography is worth the chance

you giving him daily support when he feels like he isnt doing the best for his course

sometimes when your aunt had to leave for a couple hours near closing time

you two just stayed there talking for a couple hours giving comfort to each other

late night lattes and cakes

also one time you got so excited from the bestest grades you got you might have hugged him without thinking oops

and one day, jaemin’s friend renjun is there when you come after school

and hes like “hi uh dont mind me im just here a bit because jaemin has to go somewhere after this and i dont want him to be late”

so you just,,, chill as jaemin kinda rushes

and when he goes to the storage room, you just see renjun getting along with the auntie lmao

auntie: “so i got offered this contract with the new type of beans? and idk if i should take it because that would mean i have to go out of the city,,,,”

renjun: “for how long?”

auntie: “two weeks maybe”

renjun: “oh thats fine, dont worry about it. jaemin can take over that. next two weeks right? his mandatory work experience ends this week”

so thats how renjun signed jaemin up to work alone for auntie without his consent

and aunties like “y/n!! it would be so much for just jaemin, you should help him :) your break starts next week right?”

so you also got signed up to this thing

fast forward to first day of break

aka the first time you “work” there

you are nervous and jaemin can feel it

“dont worry y/n, ill do all the talking and coffee, you just have to serve & clean!!”

so you try to calm down a bit

not to mention that you are also nervous cause its only jaemin and you in the room

but then he sees you fumbling with tying the apron and

jaemin says “here, give it, ill do it for you” while smiling a little

and from the back he wraps the apron around your waist,,,

and hes so close to you,,, your heart is fluttering

okay heart stop beating so fast pls thank you

and little do you know,,, jaemin is flushing a bit behind your back,,,

you are both the cutest mess

and you break the silence with a smol

“thanks :))”

trying to contain yourself from screaming

adapting to the serving side & keeping youself busy

you dont realise jaemin is literally admiring you the entire time as you get used to the job,,,,

here and then you forget how close you might be standing next to jaemin,,,

you kinda also realise how rEALLY attractive he looks serving everyone with a huge smile 24/7

and the way some customers are obviously attracted to him,,,,

but what you dont know is he is literally taking this chance to highkey flirt with you lmao

waves (sometimes winks) across the room

causally hovers over you when you cant find/reach smth

beaming the biggest smile every minute he gets to himself

and at first you panicked like ?!????

cause was this jaemin boy holding back for a whole month

is this his nature yes

but it makes you so happy to see him smiling all the time beside you

so jaemin yes its working

you gotta admit tho his flirty-ish behaviour grew on you this entire week djskjssj

a week of giggly smiles uwu

but the week after was unexpectedly the busiest of the busiest

you two forgot national holidays collided with the weekends and for some, it was a week off,,,,,,

so the week rushes by so quickly compared to the last one

it kind saved you tho cause your heart cant take more of that flirty behaviour

and finally,

the peak days are over,,,

and you realise its been a while since the cafe was just you,,,, and well jaemin but just no customers

the silence with faint sounds of cups cluttering,,,, you missed it

so then you go sit on the high chair

just admiring jaemin organise the shelves

he starts to prepare a new cup of coffee then realises you smiling at him “were you in awe at how effortless i look right now??”

you chuckle at his remark,,,

(needless to say that your are chuckling to hide how your heart is melting at his smirky smile)

so you twirl a bit shyly,, and avert the gaze to the familiar wood of the counter

asking him “do you remember the day we first saw each other, me sitting here and you serving the latte?”

“ofc, its the day i met an angel”

oh so confidently na jaemin really just said that

you quickly look up at him like !!!?!???!

and thats how he earned a first kiss (or rather a peck) from you

leaning over the counter and pecking you, a whole blushy mess

then comes a clink by the door

you juMp,,,,,,,

oof the customer may or may not have seen you two

you both rush around flushed like a tomato lmao

spending the rest of the day like nothing happened oops

and after the day ends, you two close the cafe

as you starting walking you are caught off guard when

jaemin just takes your hand,,,

“look y/n!! the stars are so pretty!!”

and starts swinging your arm like a tall child,,,

your heart is skippingnsjsjsjs

then at the corner, jaemin turns around and goes

“this is actually the place i first saw you”

and you ??¿?¿¿

“i saw you taking the photo of this night light shining into the cafe”

still hand in hand, jaemin steps a little closer

and takes his free hand to cup your face, kissing you,,,,

you smile into him as he kisses so softly, thinking

maybe the day i took that photo was a friday night

and melting into the kiss, you really think you are dreaming,,,,,

under the lights you once wished capturing a sparkling moment with the cafe in the back

its now you and jaemin in the frame,,,,

the boy who had you forgetting to breathe a month ago

whos now serving your favourite latte with a bonus of pecks on the cheek,,,,, (maybe on the lips if theres no one watching)

anyways

jaemin brings light to your life and you have never been this happy until you met him uwu

and it goes both ways, jaemin cant live without you now,,,, you are the best thing thats ever happened to him

(thank the heavens & your auntie)

oh and also johnny for pushing you to submit that article lmao plus huang renjun for that involuntary sign up

[sierratheory]

“Like i don't trust sierra bc of the time she came into Luke's life...” that entire ask but vice-versa too!!! people have said sierra dated dylan from flor and now her old roommate karsen too? as with luke, where was her time being single and figuring herself out before jumping into a new relationship? the twitter likes reminded me of how luke & sierra only see “jealousy” and “misogyny” as a h8ters only reason, which isn’t true 😔

Part 2 It's like they're still letting the other person know they're wrong but the difference is that it doesn't hit them. Why does it cause an overly emotional response and a giant need to prove they are wrong? it's a truth the person has been avoiding/ignoring. Luke or any person don't see the truth, they really don't even though deep down they know it is true (this is why emotional abuse is so dangerous and the victim "can't just leave")

Part 3 and that's why getting defensive and simply defending yourself are two different things. I'd like to point what that anon said about Luke's likes missing the point of what was said and this anon called him a 'dumb asshole' (lol) because he's missing the point. Well he may not realise it but he's missing the point "on purpose" his brain is making him miss the point in order to keep the fantasy that the points that were made aren't factual and are actually offensive (sexism)

Part 4 I swear I could write a book explaining every little behaviour he's adopting but what I really want to point out is that I understand everyone's frustration and regardless of what he's going through, Luke should be held responsible for his actions but we can and should emphasize because he's not fine. I'm saying this because he is following a very worrying pattern and even though Arzaylea was a much worse person than Sierra is,

Part 5, Luke is currently in a worse situation MENTALLY and I know this may cause some confusion and I can explain with more details why I'm saying this but it doesn't necessarily have to do with Sierra. I'm not saying she's not toxic. I do believe she's toxic but she's not nearly as toxic as Arzaylea. The difference is the timing. If Luke had dated Sierra first and Arzaylea later things would be much much worse.

Part 6 Luke was in a very vulnerable place, he was really hurt and he got a taste of what a mentally stable, caring, loving partner is like in Sierra. And I'm not saying these are traits that Sierra has or not. But when you get out of a toxic relationship, when you're at your worst a little love, or sense of love can feel like the best thing in a world. Basically it's an "issue" with the rewarding system in your brain. Very typical in people who go through this kind of situations

Part 7 that's why it is recommended to see a therapist or stay away from relationship because this rewarding system can fix itself and go back to normal or you might need some help. It all depends on how you deal with the situation. Some people get over traumatic experiences quickly and some need time and help. Anyway to keep it simple and short: Luke knew for sure (based on my little knowledge and his behaviour) that Arzaylea wasn't good to him but he was in love and he was making excuses to

Part 8 believe she loved him back (maybe she did love him back but had mental issues, drug addiction, I don't know, I can't judge) but he didn't have the time to heal. He's aware of his past relationship being toxic but I don't think he's aware of the effects it had on his mental health. He shows severe signs of being someone who still carries some luggage. Let me explain, I'm sure he's aware of how awful Arzaylea was and that he did him wrong and he deserves better.

Part 9 but for example, if arzaylea told him constantly that he didn't defend her enough, if she guilt trapped him because of it, if she threatened to leave him or blamed him for her mental issues/breakdowns he's most likely still carrying it with him and that's one of the reasons why he's desperately trying to make it right with this one relationship. It's something that's internalised. So yes maybe Sierra doesn't do much wrong compared to Arzaylea and actually maybe Sierra is like

Part 10 'dang I hate this thing someone said' but that's enough for Luke's brain to make a click, bring back the memories, the trauma and go into overdrive. This is an example but can be used to explain why Luke's trying so hard with Sierra compared to Arzaylea. Another thing that makes this relationship "worse" imo is that Luke's perception of reality wasn't accurate when he started his relationship with Sierra because of Arzaylea and now that little bit of love he feels like he receives is

Part 11 just wow and to him it is what real love feels like this is why your sense of personal worth should never depend on somebody else. And now he strongly believe that despite everything that goes wrong in his relationship, that little 1 thing that's going well is more than enough. he's never had that much so his fighting to keep it because it is sad but it's the most loved he's ever felt and he doesn't see why he could deserve more or how it could get better because to him, thats everything

Wheew, this was a trip to put together. You really did write me a book here, anon. But I completely understand what you’re trying to say. I come from a really abusive family, and even now I have issues where I’ll ask my bf if he’s mad at me and he’s like “you didn’t do anything, why would I be mad at you??!” Becuase I’ve been trained to think I’ve done something wrong if someone’s behaviour changes. And while I agree with most everything you said, I don’t think Sierra is unaware of Luke vulnerability due to the Larzaylea fuck show. That being said, I’m not sure if Sierra dated anyone between Alex and Luke. I don’t believe the roommate story, and none of the other mods do either. There’s no evidence behind it. I don’t know who the other guy is so I can’t speak to that. But she did have a lot more time between her and Alex’s breakup and her and Luke’s relationship beginning. Keep in kind she was still touring with Alex after they broke up, and that could have stunted any healing, but I truly can’t say. Time doesn’t always heal everything. And again I can’t speak to that break up, but I think it says a lot that she went on to drag his name during an interview after. As we’ve seen recently with Selena Gomez, she said she always kept quiet about her personal life out of respect. She wouldn’t even air out dirty laundry in her songs, and eventually she decided that her story was worth being told and she didn’t need to stay silent to protect those who hurt her. But she didn’t give an interview painting herself as an angel and throwing exes under the bus. And I think it says a lot that Sierra immediately went to the media, and even since that Alex has stayed mum on the subject.

I agree with the psychological damage points, and that Luke is likely overcompensating, if the relationship is real. Which in all honesty I’m leaning more towards as time goes on, but I’m still convinced even if they do like/love/whatever each other, modest! has some heavy handed access/control over it. And that could be perhaps to avoid a repeat of the Larzaylea mess, maybe they made Sierra sign a NDA, but I digress. Luke may also be convinced that because he didn’t defend Arzaylea, fans thought he didn’t care about her or was a bad boyfriend. It could have very easily been Arzaylea saying “hey you don’t defend me so you don’t love me, or fans see it as you don’t think I’m important enough to defend” etc. I don’t think Sierra is necessarily a bad person, while I’m entirely convinced Arzaylea was a shit-tier human being.

That being said, I do think she’s very aware that she is manipulating Luke, and taking advantage of the psychological damage Arzaylea did. I think that damage also makes him easier to manipulate or control and let me explain why.

TW - ALCOHOLISM, SUICIDE, VERBAL & PHYSICAL ABUSE

My dad was an alcoholic, and he committed suicide when I was very young. Because my mum left him, because he was becoming more abusive. Unfortunately instead of being the wake up call she wanted it to be, he shot himself and left her a note that said “I hope you got what you wanted”. Now, needless to say, this fucked my mum up really bad. She has never recovered. She has thrown all her emotions into a box, she is very clinical and doesn’t let her emotions control her. Which can be good sometimes but she’s very distant and cold. That being said, my mum married my step dad about 6 years after my bio dad passed away. She was not healed, let me tell you. She never sought counselling and is not on any sort of medication. My step dad was like the perfect man, before they got married, he cooked, he cleaned, and he was okay with the fact she had two young kids, one in elementary school and one just starting high school. But after they got married and he had control, oh everything changed. He isolated her from all of her friends and even her family. He was and still is verbally abusive and on occasion he can be physically abusive, but it’s rare. To her and all of his kids, including my sister and I. If he doesn’t get his way he throws a tantrum, calls everyone awful names and says awful things. He needs to control everything. While I love my step dad because he helped raise me, he is a controlling abusive person. And while he has a lot of psychological damage himself I’m not going to get into that, but know that he has a kind heart, and he does love my mother and he would die for her. But when he loses his temper he says horrible things. And he knows about the abuse my mum suffered at the hands of my bio dad, and how she has never healed. My bio dad told my mum she couldn’t cook, and if she ever left him he’d get the kids even though he was a raging alcoholic, couldn’t hold down a job AND she was doing all the child care on top of a full time job. Like she had the daycare ladies prepared to call 911 if we didn’t show up at daycare when she was out of town for work, but I’m off track here. The point I’m trying to get to is my step dad would abuse my mum, and use things my bio dad did or said to her, to hurt her more. An example of this is, if my mum tried to walk away during one of my step dads yelling fits, he would say “yeah, walk away just like you did with [my bio dad’s name]”. Because he knows she blames herself for leaving him, and she thinks his death was her fault. My step dad knows my mum will never leave him, because of what my bio dad did when she left. He could burn their house down around them and she wouldn’t leave.

With that story I would like to say, please don’t judge my mum or either of my dads. You don’t know the whole story and I don’t want to share all of it. I’m using it as an example because I know it well.

The point in trying to make here, is one it’s very VERY common for people to go from one abusive relationship to another. Because abusers can recognize the signs of a victim, and those who were abused, when treated with even a small amount of love, or kindness often see it as a very big deal. They tend to think they are worthless or don’t deserve it, as they’ve been told many times over. Two, believe it or not, being abused before can make people more susceptible to being abused again. This is because of the reasons mentioned above, they think they are worthless, or are wooed by very small acts, or both. And three, that the new partner can and often will use personal things about the abuse they suffered from someone else, to control or hurt their partner more, becuase they know it’s already a deep seated pain. And while I’m not saying Sierra is for sure 100% doing this, it is very easily a possibility and she could be doing some of it without knowing. Just because a year, or 5 or 10 have gone by doesn’t mean the person has healed, and sometimes new partners open old wounds. This has been a whole TEDtalk sorry y’all. Also disclaimer if anyone comes into the ask box saying rude things about my family it will be deleted and you will be blocked.

[kyouxa]

Diabolik Lovers Chaos Lineage: Ayato Sakamaki (Story 12)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! I’m an amateur translator, but I hope you do enjoy it anyway!♡

Monologue

After leaving the burning scarlet mansion, we hid ourself in the woods.

We found an abandoned house on our way, we’ll take a rest in it and settled down.

I was relieved that Shu and Reiji-san‘s memories finally returned. But right now, I‘m worried about Ayato-kun he’s been silent for awhile.

Even though they don‘t know about the situation, Laito, Subaru and Kanato-kun are following us ...

I’m so relieved that they are together now.

Now all the Sakamaki brothers are gathered together, while we walked I told Reiji and Shu-san about what happened so far—

end Monologue 

Place: Outside — Abondoned house 

Yui: … The next thing I remembered was waking up in that church.

(I suddenly talked in various ways, and I confused my own head... but I don't have much time left...)

Reiji: I see. While I listened to your story, I understood how strange this situation is.

Shu: I can’t fully remember everything, but this isn’t something which happens naturally.

I guess somebody did this artificially. But, who is it and what’s their benefit of doing this? 

Ayato: I know the purpose, though. I also know who did this to us! 

Yui: Oh, is that so?

Shu: Who?

Ayato: Heh, it can’t be anyone else than that old sack of father!

Yui: (Karl Heinz-sama who is the father of Ayato-kun and the head of the Sakamaki family ...?)

Ayato: Changing everyones memories, moving us to such a strange place, it‘s not like a normal person could do this.

Yui: I see, that may be true.

Shu: *sigh* ... It’s as simple as ever. But the possibility is the highest.

Ayato: Right?

Reiji: If this is really our fathers doing, why would he do something like this?

It’s not like only the Sakamaki family got here, the Mukami’s and even Tsukinami’s are also involved.

I don‘t want to think that our father is the cause, but it’s probably the work of someone who is at least as strong as our father.

Shu: If so, we should end this tea ceremony as soon as possible. We can’t stay here forever like this.

Reiji: I think we could understand the clue and the solution if we could grasp the purpose of the masterminder, but our current situation is in a state of not knowing anything.

Yui: (I see, it seems like we’re gathered here for a specific reason and we need to figure it out)

...huh?

(Oh, my view is getting blurry… what’s wrong with my body?)

Ayato: Hey, whats wrong Yui? You look pretty bad.

Yui: ...ngh 

*Yui faints*

Ayato: Hey, are you okay!?

Reiji: Calm down, Ayato. I assume she’s just tired. This day was pretty long.

Ayato: ... If you say so...

Reiji: You should let her rest somewhere. I can’t garantee that this is a comfortable bed, but it will be possible to rest at least a little.

Yui: ...No, I don‘t need that

Ayato: Be quiet, I didn’t as you! Here, I'll carry you now, so please hold into me.

Yui: Thank you, Ayato-kun...

*Ayato grabs Yui*

Ayato: I'll take care of her now, so nobody should interrupt!

Reiji: ...Oh my, they never grow up.

*time passes*

Ayato: Here, I‘ll lay you down now

Yui: ...Sure

Ayato: I'm going to wrap my jacket around you, because it's a little more comfortable. You should warm up like that.

*Ayato puts off jacket*

Yui: ...Thank you, Ayato-kun. It’s really warm.

(And the smell of Ayato-kun really calms me down)

*Ayato blushes*

Ayato: And uhm... gimme your hand

Yui: My hand? S-Sure

Ayato: Your hand, I’ll never let it go

Yui: (Holding hands like that … I’m so happy we can hold hands like real lovers again)

Holding Ayato-kun’s hand, it feels cold but I like it.

Ayato: Shaddup. You should go to bed and sleep now.

Yui: Yes

(I feel relieved by now. It seems like the tension between me and Ayato-kun returned...) 

*time passes*

Yui: ... Zzz... Zzz...

Ayato: ...You finally fell asleep

Yui: ... Zzz... Zzz...

Ayato: Hehe, how funny. Your face is really adorable when you sleep

...sigh... i’m sorry I didn’t notice

(This woman, was so tired she fell asleep so fast. I wasn’t aware of her health at all... )

(Damnit... ! Why didn’t I know how the person I treasure the most felt the whole time!?)

(Even if her body was tired, she tried to get along with my selfishness. You really...) 

... Thanks for everything, Yui. *kisses*

Yui: ...Zz...

Ayato: I'll never hurt you like that again. I promise

*time passes*

Yui: (....Ngh... ?)

(....Ahh... Ngh... why am I on a bed in an abandoned house?)

(I remember, I fainted on the ground and Ayato-kun carried me here and wrapped his jacket around me)

Ayato: Oh, you woke up?

Yui: Ayato-kun!

Ayato: Hehe, what’s with that reaction? I was here the entire time.

Yui: So you mean, you watched me the entire time while I slept?

Ayato: As if I’d do that. What would be wrong, if I did that tho

Yui: It’s fine, thank you. I’m happy you stayed with me here.

Ayato: I’m glad about that. I hope you’re feeling better by now.

Choices 

1) — became better (white) ♡ ♡ ♡

2) — somehow dull (black)

— became better ♡

Yui: Yes. I’m feeling better by now. Because Ayato-kun was by my side the entire time .

Ayato: — Don’t lie to me.

Yui: Hm...

Ayato: Your skin is all pale. You should rest and sleep more.

Yui: (Ayato-kun saw right through me. He’s right, I still feel a little dull...)

Ayato: Don’t try to hide anything from me anymore. Tell me everything. Because if something happens to you, I can’t forgive myself.

Yui: Yeah, that's right. Thank you! But it’s true that it has improved considerably. Is it because I slept a little?

Ayato: ...I guess

— somehow dull

Yui: I think I feel a little dull?

Ayato: Well then sleep a little more. Don't wake up until you get better.

Yui: ...but, I think I can handle it. I’ll just not overwork myself for now.

Ayato: ... Fine.

end Choices

Ayato: Jeez, don’t try to make me worried about you every time you breathe.

Yui: I just don’t want to bother everyone and be a burden to Ayato-kun.

Ayato: Idiot. You don’t have to worry about unnesesary things like that.

Yui: But...

Ayato: ...I know, this is mainly my fault.

Yui: ...Ayato-kun?

Ayato: I thought about it while you were asleep. I noticed how bad my behavior was the entire time...

Even when I went to the scarlet mansion and you were tired, you still decided to follow me and I got you in danger.

Yui: (I made him worry the entire time. I just handled out of my own selfishness...)

I’m very sorry. I was silent because I tried to not bother you ...

Im sorry I made you worry like that,

Ayato: Oh, I wasn’t that worried! Just don’t do anything stupid anymore.

*Ayato sits down*

Yui: I... uhm... Ayato-kun?

Ayato: It was bad from you to hide your true feelings from me, I can‘t just forget that Chichinashi!

I’ll punish you for making me worried all the time, prepare yourself... Ahh

Yui: (He’s sucking on my neck... Ngh—!)

(I wonder how much blood he will suck? But I haven‘t returned to my full strength yet ...)

*Ayato hugs Yui*

Yui: ...!? What’s wrong? You don’t want to suck more of my blood?

Ayato: So you don't like being hugged by me?

Yui: No, I don’t dislike it! I was just not expecting...

Ayato: ...Just what are you thinking.

Yui: Hm?

Ayato: I care so much about you and yet you can’t say anything to me. I tought we’re true lovers.

Yui: Ayato...kun...

(Oh, that’s right ... I hurted him so much while hiding it)

(Because I already regained my memory before him, I didn’t thought about him like I usually did...)

(I was just being selfish the whole time, I thought I needed to do this for myself...)

(I wasn‘t able to handle anything on my own, I was just so stupid) 

Ayato: I won’t bother you with it anymore, but if you’re hiding your feelings again I won’t forgive you.

Yui: Yes... I’m sorry I made you worried.

*Yui hugs Ayato*

(I‘ll hug him too. I need to try to understand Ayato-kun’s feelings again, even if it’s just a little)

Ayato: You...

Yui: (My heart beats so fast ... You can hug me as much as you want, because we are —)

Reiji: Hmh

Yui: ...Ngh! Reiji-san!?

*Yui backs off*

Reiji: It seems like I was interrupting you two, I‘m highly sorry.

Yui: (I thought they went away, but they were just watching us)

(I‘m so embarrassed... my cheeks are hot...)

Ayato: Thanks for interrupting, table-ware otaku.

Reiji: I’m highly sorry for interrupting you, but it seems like we have to move soon.

Yui: Oh... ?

Ayato: ... Oh, looks like that. I expected those other vampires to catch up with us soon.

*everyone enters*

Laito: Oh, you finally got up. Good morning, Eve

Subaru: Is it okay if you get up already?

Yui: I‘m fine. I feel way better after that nap. Sorry for making you worried.

Shu: ...So everyone‘s gathered.

Reiji: That’s correct.

Ayato: Well then, let's get away from here! Before those guys come.

Shu: No, wait. There’s still time until the enemy arrives.

Reiji: I personally think, the enemy will attack us anytime soon. But before that, let's talk about all possible hypothesis about this situation.

Ayato: What? Hypothesis?

Reiji: Yes, it can also be said as plan for what we should do from now on.

From that point, I asked Subaru to cooperate and inform me about the current situation.

Each reconnaissances members, the situation when we were living in the mansions, we tried to find any match to our thoughts.

Yui: (Oh, I wonder why Subaru-kun, who has no memories also helped us?) 

Subaru: To be honest, it's a strange thing for me to cooperate with the enemy.

Yui: ... Yeah, thats true, but are we still enemies? You already helped us.

Subaru: The meaning behind your words still aren’t clear for me. Memories and the original world...

Why did the enemy, Reiji and Shu attack us and now we’re suddenly working together?

But, as long as Eve can choose the king I don’t mind helping any of you.

Surely, I don't know if there's something secretly going on, but I will go along until I know it

Yui: Subaru-kun...

Laito: Well, in this situation it's not necessary to compete with Eve

Ayato: I have no specific problem with that. But, we need to know more.

Reiji: The strange upper ground we’re standing on right now, is likely to be a space created by magic.

Yui: What do you mean ...?

Reiji: Have you seen any other life besides familiarity here? For example, other humans and animals?

Ayato: I haven’t.

Shu: It seems like there’s nobody besides us and those guys. There are no birds or insects either.

Land of nature they say, how hilarious this is.

In addition, there are three uniformly arranged houses and a towering church in the middle of this.

Those positions, they also feel like they were on purpose like someone prepared it 

Reiji: In other words, someone created this place, placed us here and made us think we’re in a different world.

So in my conclusion, this is a closed world where we can’t escape from.

Yui: (Why... ! Why did we get caught up in all those sorts of troubles) 

Shu: If you think about it, it’s a funny story that the supplies were brought in by someone else.

Subaru: What? Isn’t it only natural that food was brought in?

Shu: Let’s see, you and others believe that it’s a natural thing. But I think this was also removed with our memories.

Yui: A place made with magic...

Ayato: I’m sure the guy who does that kind of thing is our father too!

Shu: Well, maybe that’s true

Yui: (But surely ... it only could be Karl Heinz who’s able to do such a thing)

(But, why did he lock us all in such a place like this?) 

Ayato: I understand that it’s like a locked world. But, how can we finally get out of it?

Reiji: —It's just a guess from me, but if it's really a land made by someone's hand ....

There should be a core place to save magic.

Yui: ...Ngh!

Reiji: If this is really built up like a locked world, it should be equipped with a nucleus, which is supposed to save magic power and keep space here.

If we can destroy the core part of this locked world, there’s also a possibility to break the present situation.

Yui: Can we really get out of this locked world?

Shu: If the power of magic is turned off, the space of the locked world can’t continue. If it does so, we can escape from here.

Reiji: I can’t say anything yet. Even if we break it, it doesn't necessarily mean that we can escape safely.

It would be forced against the flow of magic. I don’t know what would happen if it does so.

Yui: (In other words —, if we don’t find the nucleus, we can’t find any solution)

Kanato: — Im sorry to Interrupt your talk but wasn’t there a noise outside?

Yui: What

Reiji: ... Be quiet. It seems like we reached our time limit

Ayato: ...Ngh! It sounds like someone is approaching!

Reiji: Well, before escaping from this world, it seems like our first step will be escaping from this situation

Yui: (Everyone is aiming for me, Eve. If we get caught now I...)

Ayato: What are you worried about? Your face turned pale again

Yui: Ayato-kun...

Ayato: I promised it already, I won’t let anything happen to you. I rather die before that happens.

Yui: Yes, thank you Ayato-kun. Thank you for encouraging me.

Ayato: Yes, you are finally smiling again. Make sure to walk right behind me.

This old man already played enough with us. We need to escape and scold our fathers face completly.

Kanato: He, is that so? That sounds exciting.

→ Story 13

← Story 11

[omgreading]

Kind of a rant about what is stressing me out right now. Putting under a read more. Just need someplace to vent it.

If you do decide to read this, it is a long, long, long post. Like really long. Just saying. SO LONG.

This week has been very stressful, with the biggest stressor, my missing niece now resolved.

The first issue I am dealing with is my cousin who relapsed back into depression. She called me the other day crying and asking if I could help her (I didn’t know with what at the time) because she was at her rope’s end and was so down and stressed out. She had not been taking her meds and her house was messy and wanted me to help her clean it.

Her mom died back in 2013 from cancer and it hit her incredibly hard. She slipped into a big depression and kind of has never really come out of it. She has a son and a few years after her mom died, her house was crazy messy and I guess not fit for living because her brother and his wife called children’s services and her kid was taken away. She had to get the house back in order to get him back. Her family came in and pretty much threw everything away and I assume cleaned the house up to where it was acceptable. She had many pets at the time and the children’s service made her get rid of all of them and said she couldn’t have pets anymore. She got her son back and was ordered to go to therapy and take medicine for her depression.

So, apparently for nearly the last year, she hasn’t been taking her medicine. She goes to her appointments and gets them filled, but doesn’t take them. The questions asked at behavioral health, where I also go, I guess weren’t specific for her to answer where they could see that she was having issues. Basically asked if she wanted to harm herself or others and thats it. So she just didn’t get help because she wouldn’t say anything and they weren’t asking the right questions. 

She stopped taking her meds because she thought she didn’t need them. This is a common thing for people struggling with depression. You feel happy and you think you are better and you believe it can’t be just the medicine, but that you have gotten better, so you stop the medicine. Well, that usually leads to a relapse.

I went over there Wednesday night and I honestly figured I would find a lot of trash and a really cluttered and messy house. I never saw what it was like before she got into trouble and I hadn’t been there since before my aunt died. They usually came to our house.

It was horrible guys. If children services walked in, she would lose her son. They aren’t staying in the house at night. Her dad has a girlfriend he stays with a lot so they stay at his house in the evenings. However, they do spend time in the house.

Anyway, I walked in and I almost threw up. The smell of urine was so so strong. She has 16 cats in that house. The living room didn’t have trash in it, she might have cleaned that part, but there was a rug that was pretty nasty, probably from urine and just cats everywhere. In the rooms, I could see there was just mountains of trash, clothes, bulky items, toys, and who knows what else covered in urine and crap. 

I had brought gloves with me and we started in her room just picking up everything off the floor and throwing it away. Nothing was salvageable. I was able to work at it for an hour, but it was slow work because I had to maneuver in a way that I wouldn’t get excrement all over me. I had no idea that was what I would be walking into. My niece is still missing at this point and I get a call an hour after I get there from someone who had spotted her, I had made a post for people to share on FB. I got all of the information and passed it on to the mom and waited for 30 minutes in case anyone needed to call me back. I told her I could probably stay for another hour because my mom and grandpa would be going to bed and I had to be there to keep the dogs from acting crazy and being loud.

ALRIGHT, so that is the situation I am in. I just don’t know how to help. I am so completely overwhelmed. The mess is insane and its everywhere. On top of that, since the house is a giant litterbox, if she doesn’t get rid of the animals, all of this is a waste of time. I am stressed because I said I would help her, but I can’t devote all of my time to this, especially if she isn’t taking steps to keep it from happening. Trying to figure out how I can help and what can be done to actually make a dent is one of the reasons I was having panic attacks. I don’t want her to lose her son and I am afraid if I can’t help she will. My mom said I couldn’t put that on me, but I said I would help, so I don’t know how it isn’t on me. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, I could have never imagined what I saw. And on top of it, I feel bad for not wanting to do it. I feel like a horrible person. I want to help, but I can’t do all of it.

That is one of my big stressors right now. I am supposed to go over there tomorrow. This is like my big emotional, worrying stressor. I feel like I am letting her down and making things worse for her, but I can’t put myself to be put in a constant position of anxiety. I felt so overwhelmed over there and helpless. But, what does my stress matter when her situation is dire and could result in her losing custody of her kid. I don’t know what to do and I feel horrible all the time. 

The 2nd issue is my aunt is pretty much at our house all the time and I miss the peace and quiet. This issue is like my constant annoyance and anxiety-inducing issue because my space has been invaded and my mom is on edge. We are a pretty quiet bunch at my house. Before I got back into reading I was binge-watching TV with my mom and my grandpa was working and going to bed an hour or so after he got home. We stayed in and just enjoyed chilling. 

This thing with my aunt probably started in the middle of July. She was already living back in the state, but like a city away with a high-school friend of hers. Well then her “husband”, who I feel is a colossal tool and a drunk (which causes my insane levels of anxiety because my dad was an abusive alcoholic) is asked if he wants to take custody of his kids, who live in California because their mother just lost her parental rights. He says yes so they have to get a place of their own that can hold three kids. So they move back into town. They don’t have a car, she doesn’t have a job, and his job is stupid. He does construction and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, its a great job if you have a good boss. His bosses suck. They only got paid when a job was done, so they barely had money to keep up with bills. So they moved into town and their trailer’s A/C unit was broken, so they moved in with us for a month. They don’t have the kids right now because they were arranging an inspection date and also doing court appointments to take away the mom’s rights.

Anyway, it was kind of okay when they were here. I mean they were all up in our space and she doesn’t know how to talk on the phone quietly and be considerate of other people. Their air gets fixed and they go back home, only for him to get a job with a guy who goes out of town every week. Well, she doesn’t want to stay at home on her own, so she has my mom come and get her everyday to hang out over here. My mom is back in school. She has said repeatedly that she wouldn’t be able to entertain because of schoolwork, but my aunt says that she won’t be in the way, just doesn’t want to sit at home all day. I guess she prefers to do the same thing over here.

My aunt is a massive and probably a little crazy bitch. She gets insanely angry and defensive and just stupid over idiotic things. Her “husband”, they ain’t married but she calls him that, is a bad father. He hasn’t seen his kids in 11 years and he barely talks to them. He is also 13 years younger than her and kind of a tool. Well, she doesn’t want his kids here. She says online all the time that she just wants him to have a chance with his kids but then says to us that she isn’t going to be responsible for them, her kids are grown. She bitches, loudly all day on the phone at him and to her daughter and to her stupid friend about how much he sucks and she doesn’t want the kids here and all that jazz.

So that is just a constant interruption to everything in my house. She also tells me how I am not training my dogs right and that my dogs don’t see me as the leader of the pack and they don’t respect me, even though I have no issues with my dogs. She wants to think she knows everything.

Even with all of that, it was still tolerable, not very, but tolerable. 

She doesn’t have a car, so she has my mom take her everywhere. She uses her as a chauffeur. My mom went out four times in one day because she couldn’t remember stuff. Asked my mom to take her to get toilet paper, which is fine. My mom takes her and she gets everything but toilet paper and doesn’t remember that until my mom is back home. So she says she needs her to come back again. My mom does and then gets back home and gets a message that she forgot to get a soda and needs one because she needs caffeine, so my mom goes out again. She gets back home and is getting ready for bed and then the little FB Messenger sound goes off, which is like traumatizing to us now, and asks for her to take her to get cigarettes. Four times in one day. LIKE DAMN WOMAN GET YOUR SHIT AT ONCE!!!

But she is always asking things like that. I need this and I need that and it is always more than once a day. On top of her needing to go places she also needs to be brought over here so she isn’t alone at her house that she wanted! She doesn’t do anything here she couldn’t do at home. I stay in my room and read because she annoys me too much and my mom stays in her room and tries to do her schoolwork. I say try because my aunt is either talking too loudly on her phone or going in and out of my mom’s room bothering her.

I tell her she has to learn to say no. It is one thing to help family, but it is too much. And she is so entitled about it. She doesn’t ask can you do me a favor or if you have time can you help with this it is just I NEED YOU TO DO THIS and NEED YOU TO TAKE ME HERE. Like seriously! She also wants it done on her schedule. My mom gets up at 6 AM most days and she pretty much gets a message as soon as her computer turns on because my aunt can see that she is active on FB, asking her to come and get her. My mom will say she’s on her way and then my aunt tells her to wait 30 minutes because she is going to take a shower. Or there are days where my mom is planning to run her own errands and she messages my aunt to ask if she needs to go out, so she can go ahead and get it out the way. She’ll say she does and then tells my mom she will call her when she is ready. LIKE IT ISN’T YOUR TIME!! 

She is so selfish and ungrateful and it is pissing me off. My mom likes to do stuff early in the morning. That means errands, any big stuff around the house, and also her schoolwork. She is constantly being interrupted and having to go out almost every day, usually multiples times a day for just stupid stuff. It's hot here in GA, so by like 10 AM she is exhausted and in a bad mood. Her morning where she should would have been productive in school is shot and now she feels like crap.

I try and tell her to stop doing all of it. The car is actually mine like I bought it and its in my name, but basically, we both drive it. I tell her to tell my aunt that I said the car wasn’t leaving and that she could make me the bad guy. She won’t. 

My aunt is volatile. I remember when I was 19 I was supposed to buy a computer from her but her daughter told me not to because it was junk and barely worked. So I said I wasn’t going to get it and said I needed to buy a phone instead, so as not to get her kid in trouble. She calls me a stupid, selfish bitch and irresponsible for spending my money that way. Rants at me through text for 30 minutes, cursing me constantly. I worked a full-time job and was out a lot and I tried to explain the need for a new phone and she was furious. Like, how are you going to cuss out your own niece like that? 

So yeah she is mad crazy belligerent and just a mean bitchy woman. I think my mom wants to prevent a big blow-up, but I say bring it on. It has to be enough at some point.

My mom just got her school refund and my aunt made sure to be at our house the day it was supposed to post. Had my mom go get her because she said she didn’t want to stay at home. I get up at 10 AM and the money hadn’t posted. It should have by 8 AM. I tell my mom that it probably would not post all weekend and five minutes after she hears that she says her “husband” isn’t going to work after all and that she is ready to go home. YEAH, OKAY.

So, from this past Monday until Thursday, she was over her every day all up our asses. She was supposed to be getting some work from home job that requires the internet and her “husband” wasn’t making enough to pay the bills so she has my mom pay the internet. She comes over here and has me print out 80 pages for this test she has to study for. The original to print out was 167 and I told her that I wouldn’t be able to, but would try. I don’t have an industrial printer, so this was going to take a long time. On top of that, the one pack of paper we had was only 187 sheets and I knew some had already been used so I told her I would have to print it double-sided which would make it an even longer process. My printer also has a cooldown period when it runs for too long, so yeah just longer and longer. She keeps bitching about it and saying why isn’t it done yet. I end up having to stop it at just 40 pages in because the ink clogged up. I needed to clean it. I told her I would have to start up again and she asked for one-sided because it would be faster. My mom told me to just do it so she could take her home and get started on her schoolwork. I do that, but again this printer is not industrial. The stuff that is being printed is more or less wall to wall text. The printer has been going for over two hours. So it is slow and needs to keep cooling down. She finally just says she will take what there is and go home and hope its enough for her test. Well, she wasn’t even supposed to take the test until tomorrow so she could study for it. She took it today and failed it. My mom thinks she had no intention of really trying and did all of that so we would pay her internet. She didn’t say thank you for the stuff being printed or for my mom paying the bill.

Our freezer broke a few months ago, so my mom got a new one so we could buy a lot of meats and have room for them. So in moving things out the way to bring a new one in made the house really messy. My mom said that she had so much left to do like clean the house and then do her schoolwork. I told her not to worry about the house because my aunt and I would take care of it, she always says she will help at the house since she is over so much. My aunt has the nerve to say she wouldn’t be doing anything because she had to crack down and study. STUDY WHAT, IT WASN’T EVEN PRINTED. She said she had to get that work done. I think if she had been facing me when she said it and had seen my face, all hell would have broken out. She has the audacity to say that she can’t do anything and has to focus on a test when she interrupts my mom’s schoolwork every goddamn day.

SO YEAH, I am like angry most of the time. AND JOY OF ALL JOY, she will be here starting on Monday for a whole week while her punk-ass man is Tennessee on a job. She will probably be here this weekend anyway because she just needs something every single day. She even asked my mom to buy her douche dude a new pair of shoes, even though he just bought some a month ago. He left the box at our house. LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS.

Oh my god. I am so stressed and I am probably developing ulcers. That is my mom’s sister and if she hasn’t seen fit to tell her off, I don’t know how I can.

Every now and again my mom says she can’t come out because she has too much to do or she says well I wasn’t planning on leaving so it will have to be another day. But it isn’t often. 

I don’t understand how one person can be so selfish, hateful, and ungrateful.

If you made it through all of this, bless your heart.

I am so sorry for the rant, but I don’t have a real outlet for all of this. If I were to attempt to journal this I would develop carpal tunnel. 

I just want to relax. I had gotten into such a good rhythm dealing with my anxiety and depression and I feel like I am regressing. I take my meds, but I don’t think it is enough. I am either so keyed up from stress or I am having panic attacks that I can’t sleep until I am exhausted. 

I am supposed to be using this time in between semester to relax and it just isn’t happening.

I’m a grumpy old lady now, I want my peace and quiet. 

[huphilpuffs]

flares

chapter: 25/? summary: Dan’s body has been broken for as long as he can remember, and he’s long since learned to deal with it. Sort of. But when his symptoms force him to leave uni and move into a new flat with a stranger named Phil, he finds that ignoring the pain isn’t the way to make himself happy. word count: 3065 rating: mature warnings: chronic illness, chronic pain, medicine a/n: a huge thanks goes to @obsessivelymoody for beta reading this for me!

Ao3 link || read from beginning

Dan wakes up on Thursday to a heaviness in his chest.

He groans before he even opens his eyes. His face is squished against a pillow, his ribs pressed too harshly against the mattress. Stabs of pain burst between them, make his muscles spasm and send his breath escaping in a stutter. He has to count, one, two, three, four to keep it from happening a second time.

It eases some when he rolls onto his back.

And he tries to comfort himself further by counting out how long it’s been since he’s been able to sleep on his stomach. Too long, probably.

He’s been getting better, though. Even staring at the bedroom ceiling through his tears, Dan knows that. Knows the he’s helped Phil with dinner the last few nights, and managed to handle the curtains being open for a few hours yesterday.

His hand smoothes across his sternum, and he pokes at the painful spots in his sides until the sharpness dulls.

It’s enough to let Dan sit up, then stand on shaky knees. He tosses Phil’s pillow back to where it belongs and tucks the duvet into place to prove the voice in his head, wondering why he’s suddenly worse again, that he’s fine.

And to ignore the second voice, telling him it’s anxiety that causes your pain, over and over again.

His appointment is in a day.

Dan’s hardly slept for three.

He tries to swallow back a sigh. Whatever rush of adrenaline had dragged him out of bed has faded, left fatigue settling heavy in his bones again. He could drag himself to the lounge, curl up in his blankets and continue his new daily routine of watching people on YouTube for hours.

But his body aches and his eyes burn, and he crawls back into bed instead.

The voice in his head grows louder.

Dan grabs Phil’s pillow, clutches it ot his chest and presses his face against the fabric, breathing deeply.

It smells like Phil.

He holds it until he falls back asleep.

---

The afternoon drags.

It’s past two when Dan wakes up again. The flat is still empty, the bed unmade again. He crawls out without bothering to fix it, makes himself a sandwich, and settles back on the sofa, where he can rest his head against the cushions and ignore the tightness around his heart.

Every time he turns on his phone, it’s too a notification reminding him he has an appointment tomorrow that has his muscles seizing, making it ache to breathe.

And to a reminder he half regrets setting, since he’s ignored it for days.

Call mum.

There’s only a few hours to follow through with it now.

He glances back at the clock that tells him it’s just ticking past three. Twenty-five hours left, says the voice in his head. It sounds like the last GP he saw, who looked him in the eyes and told him to try acting like he had more energy, who told him it would help.

You should try it, his mum had said afterwards. You never know unless you do.

Dan’s thumb swipes across the screen. He finds her contact, sucks in a breath, and hits the call button.

He doesn’t breathe again until she picks up on the third ring.

“Hi, Dan,” she says.

He hasn’t heard her voice since he decided to stay here. It feels like a lifetime ago, suddenly.

“Hi, mum.”

There’s silence for a long moment. He can hear her breathing over the line, low and steady, and wonders if she can hear the shakiness in his.

“How are you?” she asks

“I’m okay,” he says. “I, uh, have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

“Oh?”

He swallows, nodding even though she can’t see him. “Just with my new GP, but I’m hoping he might be able to help me,” he says. “With, well, you know.”

“I hope he can.”

She sounds sad. It’s been a long time since Dan’s heard that.

“Me too,” he says. And then, because he can’t handle the silence: “But, uh, I was hoping you could maybe help me figure out my medical history, to prepare? I don’t remember all of it from when I first got sick.”

Back when she was responsible for it, he doesn’t say. Back when anyone could keep track of all of it.

“I’ll text it to you, okay?” she says. “I know your memory isn’t always the best, and your wrists tend to ache from writing.”

“Really?” He slams his mouth shut, the click of his teeth probably audible over the phone. “I mean, thanks.”

She chuckles, quiet, distant, like he can hear the miles between them. “I’m not always heartless, you know,” she says.

Dan’s breath comes out in a rush. Guilt bursts in its place, painful, bringing tears to his eyes. And he wants to tell her he never thought she was, but he can’t. She knows he can’t. He doesn’t even know what he thinks about her now, crying, hands shaking as he clutches his phone too tightly.

“Can I ask you something?” she says. “Without you getting mad?”

“Yeah.”

“How are you doing?” she says. “I know you don’t think your problems are with your mental health, and I’m not implying they are–” the not this time goes unspoken “–but I know you’ve had bad experiences with doctors and you’re my son.”

His breath catches. A tear rolls down his cheek, and he wipes it away with his hand.

This is his first appointment without her, he realizes. The first one in six years that she’s not driving him to, waiting outside or sitting next to him for the length of it. The first time she won’t smooth his hand over his knee in the waiting room, telling him it’ll be okay, that doctors can be trusted, even though they’d been proving otherwise for so long.

“I’m okay,” he says. “Phil’s coming with me.”

“That’s good,” she says, like she means it. “I am glad you have him, you know.”

He almost reminds her what she thought of him living with Phil last time they spoke, but his heart aches and his eyes are stinging and he doesn’t want to fight, not this time.

“Me too,” he says. “He’s the best, mum.”

She sounds like she’s smiling when she says: “I’d love to meet him, one day.”

Dan swallows. He can hardly picture it, bringing Phil back to a house filled with terrible memories and people he still doesn’t trust entirely. And yet there’s a tug in his chest, a bittersweet image forming in the back of his mind.

He doesn’t say anything.

Neither does she, for a while.

“I should get going,” is what she ends up saying. “As long as you’re okay? I’ll text you your medical information in a little bit.”

“Okay,” he says. “I’m okay. Thank you.”

She hums. “And Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“You should call your grandma. She misses her sofa buddy.”

He chuckles. It aches. Suddenly, he’s exhausted again. “Okay. I will,” he promises. “And mum?”

“Yeah?”

“No news is good news, okay? If I don’t call you after the appointment, I mean.”

“Okay,” she says. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

The line goes dead.

His head falls back against the cushion and his phone drops onto the sofa. Tears are rolling down his cheeks, and he’s not entirely sure he knows why.

Or maybe he just can’t untangle all the many, many reasons.

---

Phil’s quiet when he gets home.

He takes the smoothie Dan didn’t touch and sets it on the coffee table before dropping onto the empty cushion. His arm is draped across the back of the cushion, his hip just inches from Dan’s, as he turns his gaze to the open laptop, lit up with another Smosh video.

Dan’s been watching them mindlessly since his tears dried on his cheeks.

“This is a good one,” says Phil.

It’s an older one, the production value a little cheaper and humour a tad outdated. Probably more similar to what Phil had watched back at uni, Dan thinks. He tries to imagine it, a younger version of Phil, one with longer hair and a slightly narrower frame, sitting in a uni room like the one Dan moved out of before coming here.

He hardly can. Maybe because his mind is still muddled, hanging onto words he said during the phone call, onto all the things he should have said but didn’t.

“It is,” he says, just as the video ends.

He doesn’t start a new one.

Phil’s fingers sweep across his shoulder. In Dan’s peripheral, he can see Phil turn to look at him, but he doesn’t look back.

“Are you okay?” asks Phil.

Dan swallows. There’s a lump in his throat, a pressure behind his eyes so harsh it aches.

“Didn’t sleep very well,” he says.

Phil squeezes his shoulder. “I know.”

That makes the corner of his mouth quirk up. Of course Phil knows. He was there, arms wrapped around Dan as he fidgeted, tossed, and turned. His hands had combed through Dan’s hair, and his quiet questions about if Dan was okay were mumbled against his shoulder, his reassurance felt in his touch.

Phil usually falls asleep pretty quickly, Dan’s learned. Last night, he didn’t.

The hand at his shoulder tightens. Dan finally turns to face Phil.

“Is that all that’s bothering you?”

His eyes are soft, almost sad, as his hand rubs gentle circles against Dan’s skin. He knows. He must know something’s up. Dan has to remind himself that Phil’s seen him after countless sleepless nights, curled up in soft blankets on the sofa and dozing when his mind gets too tired to keep racing.

Today isn’t like that.

Dan reaches out to rest a hand on Phil’s knee, needing to feel grounded, as the first tear rolls down his cheek. Phil draws him closer, so Dan’s head is by his shoulder, his tears dripping down onto the fabric of Phil’s shirt.

There’s no pressure, none but the weight of Phil’s hand on his shoulder, when Dan says:

“I called my mum.”

Phil goes tense. “Oh,” he say. “How did that go?”

Dan swallows. “I don’t know.”

He really doesn’t. His chest feels too full with contradictions, the weight of past accusations crashing up against her understanding tone and he doesn’t know what to think anymore. He’s never been sure how to exist around her, not since pain first settled in his bones and she told him it was growing pains, it would pass, it would get better.

And it never did.

“I haven’t talked to her since I told her I was staying in Manchester,” he says, maybe as an afterthought, maybe because it’s felt heavy on his shoulders since he answered the phone.

“Was she nicer this time?”

He nods. Another tear falls. “She’s texting me my medical history,” says Dan. “She offered, because she– she knew I had trouble writing and remembering.”

Phil hums. His breath has gone even again. His mouth is close to the top of Dan’s head. He sounds hesitant when he speaks. “It sounds like she cares.”

Dan feels that, sharp and painful in his gut. Another tear rolls down his cheek, and his breath catches, and Phil holds him tighter like he’s scared Dan will fall apart.

Maybe he will.

It’s been so long,

He’s been so that sure she doesn’t actually care.

Now, he doesn’t know what to think.

---

His mum texts him.

Dan almost cries. His teeth dig into his lip and his ribs ache and he stares, wide-eyed, at the list of diagnoses and unexplained symptoms he’s had over the years. There’s the migraines they never treated at the beginning, the lightheadedness it took them four years to explain, the instructions to do more exercise that dot the whole six years that he’s been ill.

The first time he went to therapy, and the antidepressants they put him on, and the second time he went to therapy.

And every time he told his doctor he was still sick after that.

Phil’s hand lands on his wrist, gently pushing the phone from Dan’s line of sight. His voice is barely a whisper when he says: “Are you okay?”

Dan swallows. His throat aches.

Laid out like this, it doesn’t look that bad, a distant voice in his head that’s haunted him for too long tries to remind him that maybe he’s just making it all up. Maybe it wasn’t that bad. But Dan can remember the A&E doctor who turned him away because it was growing pains. Can remember the so many times his blood pressure was low before anyone bothered to point it out.

The time his doctor looked at him and said–

“Can we do something?” says Dan. “I want to– I need a distraction.”

Phil nods. In Dan’s peripheral, his phone screen goes black. The knot in his chest loosens, just a bit.

“Wanna play video games?” says Phil.

He shakes his head. “Wanna go out. It’s been too long.”

Phil’s brows furrow, like he’s about to point out that there’s a reason it’s been so long, about to warn Dan that he doesn’t want to make himself sick before such an important day.

Except part of Dan does. He’s done it before, forced himself to be in pain because maybe that way the doctors would actually see that he wasn’t lying. Not that it’s ever worked.

“Please?” he says.

Phil squeezes his wrist. “Okay.” His thumb drifts across Dan’s, careful and comforting. “Where do you want to go?”

---

Dan squeezes into his skinny jeans, even though the fabric burns his legs. He pulls a shirt over his head for what feels like the first time in forever. Though his knees are shaky, he bends down to tie his own laces, as Phil watches from where he’s leaning against the door.

“Are you sure about this?”

He reaches out, without a word, to help Dan stand again.

“I’m sure,” says Dan. “And don’t worry, you won’t need to take me to A&E this time.”

The corner of Phil’s mouth quirks up, and Dan knows he’s forcing it. He can feel his worry in the too-tight clench of Phil’s hand around his, the way his gaze trips over Dan legs when he wobbles as he stands.

He squeezes Phil’s fingers, forcing a smile of his own, as he opens the door.

It’s warm outside. The sky’s going purple as the sun sinks below the city. Dan realizes, staring up at it, that he hasn’t left the flat since he trip to A&E, hasn’t enjoyed being outside in far too long.

If his joints would let him, he’d suggest they walk around a bit. Instead, he stares up at the clouds and reminds himself to spend more evenings, when the sun won’t burn his eyes, on their little balcony, just to feel the wind against his cheeks again.

Phil tugs on his hand when the cab pulls up in front of them. They pile in, side by side in the back seat. Dan doesn’t put on his seatbelt. He can’t be bothered to deal with the harsh rub of fabric against his ribs.

His chest is still tight, the quiet buzz of anxiety at the back of his mind growing louder. He can still feel his phone, heavy in his pocket, can still imagine the text he hasn’t yet responded to. He can remember their last movie night, laughing and gasping and falling asleep with Phil’s hands trying to massage the pain away.

They hadn’t even gone out last time.

Dan stares out the window and hopes he can keep his promise that it’ll be okay this time.

They slip out of the car at the cinema. Phil pays the driver. Dan leans against the wall as he waits, wondering if the lines inside are long. It’s been so long since he’s been to the cinema, he can hardly imagine it anymore. The screens usually hurt his eyes and the audio gives him a headache and he doesn’t care today.

“You okay?”

Phil’s smiling at him, standing by the door. He holds it open for Dan, and buys their tickets for a random comedy neither of them particularly wanted to see. He lets Dan go find a seat as he buys them popcorn, soda, and a chocolate bar to share. He hands it over, in the darkness of the theatre, with a smile.

Between them, their knees bump together as the film starts.

---

They’re holding hands when it ends.

Dan’s eyes are starting to burn and his chest aches from laughing, but the voices in his head have dulled just enough that he can breathe a little easier. He doesn’t think about the appointment he needs to show up to tomorrow, or the doctor he hasn’t met yet who might dash his hopes all over again.

He stares at their joined hands as the cinema empties, smiling.

“You ready to go home?” says Phil.

Dan shrugs. He probably should give his spine a break by sinking into the sofa again, close his eyes against the bright lights of the city before a headache wells in his temples. But he doesn’t want to sit in the dark and wait until tomorrow, letting his fears return.

“Can we get pizza?”

“You up to walk?”

He nods. Phil helps him to his feet and leads him out of the cinema. He knows Manchester better than Dan does, and tells a story about coming to watch movies with Ian when he was younger as they find the nearest pizza place. Dan listens, maybe more attentively than he needs to, to keep his mind from going hazy as the city moves around him.

There’s still a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Dan wonders if him of a few years ago would have believed that he’d end up here.

The restaurant they end up in is small and quiet, and they slide into a booth in the corner of the room. Dan sinks back against the cushion, realizing that Phil’s smiling, too.

His chest feels warm. His fingers twist in the tablecloth, because part of him misses holding Phil’s hand.

“Thanks for tonight,” says Dan. “I had fun.”

Under the table, Phil knocks their feet together.

“I did too,” he says.

[lavellane]

SLAMS FIST ON TABLE HI HELLO PROS AND CONS FOR DATING DUNCAN THEIRIN

JGTHRUITHR OKAY HERES MY BOY LETS GO

DUNCAN THEIRIN

PROS

L O V I N G. he’s been so lonely and touch starved for so damn long, any form of affection at this point will promptly cause him to lose his damn mind. he has so so much love to give, and in relationships he is typically incredibly dedicated. he WANTS to make you happy, he wants to see you smile and give you the world.

respect !! he trusts you and as much as he might WANT to spend every waking moment with you, he also knows that isnt realistic and he is very good at setting and respecting boundaries, for himself and his partners. he would never expect anyone he was with to give up a part of themselves for him, and he wouldn’t allow it, even if they tried.

will treat u right. he’s quite unlucky at love, but he has had a lot of intimate experience so he’s not without practice hturhgurthgtrui

an AMAZING listener seriously. he is a quiet person and is completely okay with just... listening to his partner talk about whatever. he’s big on people watching so he likes picking up on cute little mannerisms and watching the way they get excited when they talk about something theyre passionate about. for this reason he’s also pretty observant, so sometimes he can pick up on subtle changes in a persons tone or mood, so he’s pretty good at emotional stuff as well.

supportive cheerleader boyfriend !! he WILL help you and get involved with your dumb/dangerous/weird hobbies if you want him to. he WILL be terrible and it probably wont be his thing, but he will enjoy it anyway because he gets to spend time with you. and he’s a very empowering person, in that he won’t try to fix your problems for you (he absolutely WILL help you if thats what you want/need) but will try instead to convince you that you’re capable of helping yourself, motivate and compliment you and help you work things out yourself. he has endless amounts of faith in the people he chooses to involve himself with, and he will do what he can to make sure they feel that same level of confidence in themselves.

CONS

the big one is his health issues. they are a HUGE obstacle in his own life, and they can cause complications in his relationships if the partner involved isn’t fully informed and willing to stand by him while he goes through it. there’s a lot of things he just isn’t able to do with his partners, because the physical risk is too great, and the fear and uncertaintly around his health can also be very stressful for some people, scaring them away. 

low self esteem. duncan struggles with his mental health almost as much as his physical, and they are very closely tied - his bad health days often means his mood plummets too, and it can be very disheartening to watch him go through that. he often believes he’s an inconvinience, and feels a lot of guilt and shame as a result, which can cause problems of its own in a relationship.

he’s quiet and introverted, and doesn’t like talking about himself much ( mostly because he doesn’t want to burden anyone ) so sometimes he will fail to mention his feelings when he probably SHOULD speak up, or he might not tell you about something that happened to him - good or bad - because he doesnt want you to worry or make things about him. this can soemtimes be dangerous, since he often doesn’t want to mention when he’s having bad health days, hoping he can just handle it himself, and if he cant, it makes things a lot harder.

he can be a bit too intense for some people ! despite being very good with boundaries, when he falls for someone, he falls HARD. when he’s in a relationship, he makes that person almost his entire world, and while he would never ask another person to do the same, some people find that level of dedication a bit much, and can get scared away as a result.

[evilgenderywizard]

ranting here cause i have nowhere else and this is my safe space and i warn you now the stuff mentioned is related to some very poor mental health issues and sexual assault so proceed with caution

back in november of 2020 i had a full mental breakdown that included threats to those around me both physical and verbal cause i hasnt slept for 4 days and was in the midst of a manic episode well eventually im in the er and they conclude that i need to be in a behavioral hospital until im stable again so i go to the local behavioral hospital for 5 days where my mental health only declines due to lack of family and friends plus the meds they put me on made everything even worse than it was i was delusional and hallucinating and having flashbacks from when i was molested as a little girl i hated that hospital with everything in me and when i returned home i begged my mother not to EVER make me go back for any reason even though i keep getting worse ie my flashback episodes were increasing my anxiety and paranoia were increasing just any bad thing you can think of were increasing well recently i have only been been taking mood stabilizers and the occasional anxiety medication and i have a very bad habit of not taking my mood stabilizers for days at a time and i had a fight with my dad a couple months back that resulted in him getting blocked and when he finally tried to get in contact again it went straight to voicemail and he thought i deactivated my phone so he took me off of his plan so now i cant go for walks with music or call the few people that heavily impact my mood (in a good way) so now im gaining all my weight back and more and i keep going into depressive episodes over every little thing when im off my meds so i try to escape by going to a friends house down the road but i go there and they’re yelling at each other and that friend happens to be a very loud person in general when they’re excited or mad or just about any emotion frankly so thats too loud for me but i come back home and me and my mom are getting into screaming matches over the absolute stupidest shit like chips for instance about 15 minutes ago and i have a friend thats out of town but theres 7 people in that house plus she doesnt like any of them so again yelling so everywhere i go theres yelling and i cant get a bit of peace and i went so far as to tell one of my friends i wanted to go back my least favorite place in the world which would be the behavioral hospital just so i could get some peace or even hitch a ride to my dads house to which i have a key and hes never home just for some peace and quiet and i feel like im stuck cause i have no one to talk to thats been to a hospital except my mom and a friend i prefer not to speak to much cause shes too much for me and everyones like “yea thats a mood” or “i feel you” when NO NO YOU DO NOT NO ONE EXCEPT MY PROBLEMS KNOWS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT and i started crying against my will cause im just tired of all the loudness and i just want some peace and quiet for 5 minutes without screaming matches and im so tired of it and i just wish i could cease to exist for a few hours and its so stressful and i cant stand it anymore im not asking for advice im just getting this off my chest so i hopefully calm down and if you read this far thanks for coming to my ted talk