#i have been using discord for YEARS and this makes me want to LEAVE.
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Taking a Break
Hi everyone.
As youâve probably guessed from the title, I am taking a break from the Criminal Case fandom. Iâll be gone for at least 2 weeks, maybe more if needed. While Iâm gone, I will not be on any sites, at least not for CC-related reasons, updating any of my stories or posting new content on Tumblr. That means I wonât be checking notifications or even going on some platforms, and I will be leaving all the Discord servers I am in after posting this.
If you need to reach me (please donât contact me about CC), I will occasionally check my direct messages on Discord.
2024 has so far been the worst year for my mental health, and to summarize how I feel in one sentence: Iâm tired, and honestly, I have considered leaving CC more than once. I tried not to let my mental health affect my relationship with CC since it was like the light at the end of the tunnel for me. But with things calming down IRL, Iâve realized how straining CC was on my mental health and a person can only bend so much before they break, and I fear I will break if I do not step awayâŚ
I have been in the CC fandom for over 10 years, most of that time spent as a lurker and then as a writer who stayed in a little bubble isolated with my stories and rarely engaging with others. But over time, I came out of my bubble with the help of friends I made through CC and gained even more along the way. However, things have happened recently behind the scenes that are making me consider leaving the fandom, so it's time I take a break and focus on other things for a little while.
This is not goodbye forever. If you know me and my stories, you know my goal is to write every Criminal Case season from 1 to 8 (yes, I will be writing and hopefully improving City of Romance!). Iâve been at it for about 8 years, so Iâm too far into things to give up!
But I have another goal, and no, Iâm not referring to making headcanons for every CC character. It's to create a safe space for people to share their ideas, thoughts, and opinions without fearing ridicule. There is enough hate in the world, so why should I contribute to it when I can use my platform to be positive instead? Itâs why, even when the idea might not be my cup of tea, or I might not understand parts of it, I still encourage people to pursue their ideas and focus on the good things. I hope people know that you can send me the craziest, crack-filled ideas (anonymously or not) and that I will do my best to give positive feedback.
I do give constructive feedback if people ask me to, but again, Iâm no Goddess of Writing and Content Creation, so I would never expect people to take my words as gospel. I would never want people to feel they HAVE to change something in their creation just because I suggested it. I want people to be happy with THEIR work, just as I am with mine.
The biggest piece of advice I always give people when they ask for my help or opinion on their project(s) is to write about what makes you happy. While it is important to listen to feedback to learn what you can improve on, ultimately, YOU are the creator. YOU are putting in the time, effort and skills into the project, and if YOU are not happy with what you are creating, then you will lose interest in it. Create things you are happy and proud of. YOU are bringing your ideas to life and sharing them for others to enjoy, not the other way around.
You can never please everyone, but you can always please yourself.
But do NOT use that as an excuse to spam, rage bait, or terrorize others. Everyone is entitled to their likes and dislikes, but you should not force your opinions on others. If you see something you donât like, just ignore/block it and keep scrolling. It takes much less time than writing a hate comment or making a call-out post. And while sometimes those are reasonably warranted, please still take the time to consider the repercussions of something before you post it and ask yourself: Is it really worth it?
If youâve stuck with me this long, thank you for listening to my rambling.
Maybe it's naive or wishful thinking to hope people have learned from 2024 and will think before they post, but I hope at least some people will learn from their mistakes or those of others. I know I have learned from the mistakes Iâve made. I donât think Iâm perfect or anyone special because, at the end of the day, Iâm just a writer who discovered a hobby for creating fanfiction when they were a teen and somehow gained a following of amazing fans and made fantastic friends along the way. Iâm human and make mistakes, but it's from those mistakes that we grow and improve as people.
That said, I am signing off for now. My mental health is at rock bottom, and all I can focus on recently is negative. I keep thinking the worst of my writing and other content. All my mind has been telling me is that everything I make is terrible, and no one likes it. And while I know that is far from the truth, thanks to the amazing support and love I receive from all of you (shout out to everyone who keeps the CC fandom alive!) I must leave and stop focusing on everything before returning with a clear, more positive mindset.
I will see you all when I return. Will I not do anything CC related? Probably not, since you can take Astra out of CC, but you can't take CC out of Astra! But I will not be touching or even looking at my mainstream series while Iâm gone, so donât expect me to return with an update ready for it.
Thank you for listening.
Astra G.
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Hi internet- I'm a trans woman in Florida and I need help. I'm posting this across all my socials because I can't suffer in silence anymore.
I'm not a prisoner or a child, but i was still forcibly detransitioned by the State of Florida between 2022 and 2024. Planned Parenthood forced me off hormones in an act of anticipatory obediance to the trans healthcare ban that was eventually signed into law. I had been on HRT for ~5 years. I had fully socially transition and was passing- living my best life as a woman.
There was no place to go after Planned Parenthood dropped me. I spent over 2.5 years being forcibly detransitioned and I had no way to help myself. I lost my job. I lost my looks. I lost my VOICE. I'm looking for the words to describe the psychological and physical torture of having your body, identity and soul chemically excised from you but I don't think anyone but the trans community will ever really understand.
I'll try though: Imagine having to walk through liquid curtains of hydrochloric acid every day. And every day the acid gets more and more concentrated- but not only does the acid burn your skin and melt your face, it also seeps into your chakras and severs the links between your mind, body, and soul. Eventually leaving you an empty, disfigured husk- A revolting parody of the person you used to be.
In February 2024 I finally got in contact with a local lgbt charity hoping to get back on HRT but they weren't helpful. Mostly they just wanted to shame me for being unemployed. I want to say this plainly: Liberal institutions will not protect you from the law when they ban HRT. They wouldn't even give me the name of a clinic until a judge issued a stay of the healthcare ban. The ban was lifted for about 6 weeks and I was lucky enough to make the window, get a PCP, and get back on HRT.
To their credit, they did eventually get me in therapy and very quickly hit me with a suprise (well, not much of a surprise) autism diagnosis. I won't be naming them right now because I'm still a client, and that therapist is my only connection to the outside world right now.
There's so much more to this that I don't know how to narrativize yet. I was so poor in 2023 that I survived on less than 35¢ of food a day. I ate almost exclusively rolled oats and bagged sugar, averaging about 350 calories a day. I think I was well on my way to starving to death. By December I'd lost basically all my body fat, much of my of muscle mass and my bones were sticking out weird.
So, even though my situation is more stable, I'm still in a very precarious position. HRT is TIGHTLY controlled here. The max estrogen level you're allowed in Florida is a quarter of what I was on in Colorado, and that's just not enough to survive on.
I've managed to cheat my labs a little, so for now I've got my full dose. But once my current RX is up I'll be at risk of getting my HRT yanked because my estrogen levels are "too high". And I can't survive on a quarter dose. And I can't survive a 2nd round of detransition
Forced detransition has broken me at a fundamental level, and I don't know if I'll ever get the person I was before back. I just know I can't move forward until I get this story out.
If there's anyone out there who actually cares, please fucking help me. I live in Broward County and my partner and I have tentative plans to move to either Portland OR or Denver CO. I'm too damaged to work, and my partner's income is just enough to keep us treading water. We have basically no means to save for a move, so if you can help, or have any contacts in those areas of the country- please, I'm begging you, (yes, YOU, in particular) Get in touch. I'm sofiegold on bsky and sofie_gold on Discord or email me c4hsofie[at]gmail.com
I'm a software engineer (LAMP stack, c, c++) and Linux sysadmin for 10+ years so if there's anyone out there that can gently ease me back into gainful employment that would be amazing too.
For my old moots, gart.gg isn't dead. I just had to pause development while I tested the limits of human suffering. Also, I love you and miss you.
Finishing this with a message to my transgender peers: Let me be your cautionary tale. Do not let them take your HRT away. Do not let them abandon you and write you off as a casualty. Save yourself and stay on hormones by any means necessary.
This is our last chance, and we don't have a lot of time left. Organize your community right now. If you don't have a community find them. Right now. Go.
And i've got a gfm but i need PEOPLE more than i need money rn. but i also need money.
https://gofund.me/59ab04f0
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sooooo my phone updated discord and the layout is completely different and i fucking hate it. i hate it so much that i had a meltdown over it. full on hyperventilating sobbing angry upset frustrated meltdown. it's so much harder to navigate and find the things i need in it now, and none of it makes sense, none of it is efficient, it's all set up differently and there's NO FUCKING REASON FOR IT. all of the "benefits" that it PURPORTEDLY provides are nonexistent. "oh but it looks better" no the fuck it doesn't. "it's better organized" no the fuck it isn't! YOU CAN'T SEE PINNED IMAGES UNTIL YOU GO THREE MENUS IN to find them in the fucking channel settings! the DMs and the servers are separate so there's NO way to know if I actually have a DM when i'm looking at servers. swiping from right to left REPLIES TO MESSAGES instead of opening up the channel menu! all of the muscle memory i have from using the app is WRONG now and NOTHING is easily accessible.
i sent a feedback form about it (twice) but it's just. it's exhausting. i don't want to have to use my laptop just to have discord be familiar and easy to navigate, but that's... going to be my life from now on i guess. no more laying in bed on discord for me. there's an article that says that it should be reversible, and it's not. the button/toggle that the article talked about just isn't there. talk about giving me hope and then ripping it away from me.....
#discord#personal#it's so incredibly upsetting because i use discord on a daily basis#i have been using discord practically since it CAME OUT#and the new developers / executives / whoever the HELL is making these FUCKING decisions have been RUINING it#ruining it! completely fucking ruining it!#i have been using discord for YEARS and this makes me want to LEAVE.#and they keep pushing nitro on me and i'm like! no! like HELL am I EVER giving them money for doing this horseshit.
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Quick Sims Ramble
I know I donât post sims stuff on my blog (plan to in the future), but Iâve a simmer since 2017 and Iâve got thoughts.
I still remember some cc creators throwing tantrums bc EA threatened to uphold their 2-3 week (14-21 day) rule for paywallsâand proceeded to do absolutely nothing. Many of those posts from back then are still up btw, you can easily see what your favs think of you and how some of them see you as a walking wallet.
Speaking of cc creators and modders crying over money, Curseforge, why do you continue to use it? Itâs been months now since that tweet of Overwolf (CFâs owner) explicitly stating theyâre donating to the IDF, so Iâm gonna assume most of you have had sufficient time to read about it and understand why itâs an issue. Of course, grace is to be afforded to those who are late to the party, but I think itâs crazy to know what theyâre doing and willingly continue to support. Itâs got to be the money.
The website ugly and janky as hell, too, so itâs GOT to be the money. đ
And if money is the problem, doing Early Access via Patreon is always an option. Ko-Fiâs an option. Gumroadâs an option. You got options that actually look good, raise your standards, I beg. And thereâs free alternatives such as Google Drive, Mega, OneDrive, SimsFileShare; thereâs simmers on this platform right now who are willing to give you a SFS code for free. And what about NexusMods? Iâve seen people post their cc and mods there.
Point is, you got options. So, why are you all acting like deleting your content off one gutterbutt platform is gonna bring the end of the world? All you have to do is release it for free after 14-21 days, and if you do so consistently, people will willingly donate money to support youâbecause youâll be showing yourself as a reliable content creator who makes good content they like. You can get your money. CF is not the end all, be all of modding platforms.
So, please stop throwing tantrums and giving fifty-leven reasons why you canât migrate off one platform.
#if you canât tell i donât really like the curseforge platform#even when i was getting minecraft mods years ago i thought it was ugly#the new website design is uglier but i digress đż#iâm just scrolling through tumblr and tired of seeing modders make excuse after excuse#if you not real just say that#itâs as simple as that#and yes this is in reference to me finding out little ms sam is zionist#zionism ainât sexy#and itâs not anti-semetic to be anti-zionist#be wise not to conflate the two as many jewish tumblr and twt users have stated a million times before#i would like to specify that i am not jewish#i am black and i am well aware of a genocide when i see one#you cannot claim to be apolitical while continuing to knowingly use a platform that supports/is conducting genocide#especially when you state âpersonal reasonsâ as your excuse when you really mean âi want moneyâ#i want money too but you donât see me turning a blind eye or being complicit to a platform#iâve retweeted gofundmes and have been keeping up with the news on the matter#even though i donât post anything on tumblr my friends can confirm and vouch for me that iâve been pro-palestine based on our discord chats#so my stance on the matter should be very clear and i am not above blocking people#anyways this is developing further away from the original sims topic but i just needed to get some thoughts out#itâs insane seeing people in this community act like cf is the holy grail and theyâll die if they leave#PLEASEEE stand up and get a hold of yourself itâs not the end of the world#respectfully all iâm saying is: get a grip#ts4#the sims 4#the sims community#sims discourse
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#to that one person on the discord#are you an oversharer by nature or is this a side-effect of years of 12 step meetings?#seriously itâs okay to keep some of your thoughts on the inside#not every sentence has to start with some qualifier about having been in recovery a long time#or about your personal experiences with the law#we know youâve said it about a bajillion times by now#and like i get it#those are big important things for you that inform how you see the world and interpret text/movies#but not every movie or book or tangential aside must relate back to your âsober timeâ or your multiple felonies#itâs okay to skedaddle from a group chat without dropping in something about getting up early for a meeting#that whole thing about not wanting to be judged for addiction or things done under the influence falls flat#when you wonât shut the fuck up about it#none of us are judging you! which might make you feel freer to keep talking about it#and Iâm glad youâre comfy#but some of us are increasingly not comfy with how much â¨recovery⨠talk we must endure#itâs clear to me that a lot of people sub in the 12 step lifestyle for the thing they no longer want to be doing#which sort of shows that the nature of âaddictionâ is first and foremost behavioral#because you could sub in anything. a woman i knew in al-anon was like#âsorry i havenât been to meetings a lot but i discovered tae kwon do and itâs been taking up my timeâ#she also added that it felt like getting a new hobby felt like it was doing more for her than sitting around talking about problems#and sheâs right#thatâs around the time i got right into my movie project and started giving myself other shit to do and i felt SO. MUCH. BETTER.#going to a meeting every day of the week was⌠not good for my mental health#but finding things to do that both entertained and taught me stuff about writing/storytelling? oh yeah#that was the balm my soul needed#i am discovering more and more that life is about balance#and you canât find that balance if your attempt to ditch the demons of discontent means bringing them with you everywhere#leave them at home and enjoy the movie without telling us about your every crime#this is not a confessional itâs a movie discord#come on man
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Sukuna
Pairing: Trueform!Sukuna x f!Reader
Summary: Your husband was an heir, and you have to fulfill the order.
Warnings: MDNI, smut, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, oral sex (f. receiving), spitting, slight use of tummy mouth, double penetration, tit sucking (and biting), breeding kink, degrading, sukuna is... sukuna but fluffier to his wife
*he's been on my mind lately and I'm going insane
10k Event Masterlist
Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi
âI want an heir.â Sukuna brings up one fateful night as you walk over to lay down beside him. Itâs not a request, itâs an order that you must fulfill, just like everything that involves Sukuna. Strangely enough, Sukuna has been the one thatâs been delaying having a child since youâve been nearly begging him to have a baby with him for the past year. It seems heâs finally given in to the idea though.
âWhat was that, Suku?â You ask, stopping in your tracks because heâs caught you off guard. He stands up from where he lays, towering over you. You look up at him, waiting for him to repeat himself but you should know better than anyone that your husband doesnât like to repeat himself. But this time he does,
âItâs about time you give me an heir.â Which makes a smile spread across your face because itâs what youâve been wanting. Sukuna has been the one that has been refusing to have a child so you donât understand why he words it like thatâ But either way, youâre happy and ready to fulfill his every need. Before you can even agree to his order, his bottom hands are undoing your robe to get you undressed while his mouth goes down to your lips.
Sukuna has grown accustomed to kissing you, and handling your body more gently since youâve asked him to. Compared to the beginning, he treats you like a petal. You like to think itâs his way of expressing his love for you since heâs not very vocal about it, and you know he doesnât particularly enjoy kissing. His tongue meets yours while his hands try to undo the robe without tearing the fabric into pieces since he knows itâs one of your favorites.
He bites down on your lip causing a cry to leave your throat while he gives up on properly taking off your robe. You hear as the fabric rips, and maybe another time you would be upset about it but youâre too consumed by him to care. Heâll just get you another one. His two lower hands roam down your bare body. One hand gropes your breasts, his rough fingers pinching your nipples. He gets to your cunt, lightly slapping it before he runs two fingers through your cunt.
He pulls away from the kiss, letting your soft moans into the air when he begins to play with your clit. Sex for him has always been a selfish act but ever since his first night with you, heâs found pleasure in pleasing you. The sound of your moans in the air while he toys with you is the sweetest melody. He found it dumb at first, but now there are nights where heâs simply buried between your thighs with the purpose of making you come as much as he can.Â
Sukuna picks you up and puts you down on the bed. Taking a moment to appreciate how beautiful his wife looks when sheâs under him. Fuck, youâre so fucking small compared to him. Itâs nothing new, really, all the people that Sukuna has been with are miniscule compared to him. But he just loves the way that you look under him since heâs never seen a more beautiful human being. Heâd never tell that to you though.
Sukune begins to tease your entrance, threatening to push a finger into your cunt but he doesnât. He runs his fingers through your folds, while his thumb plays with your clit. He lowers his head, his tongue circling your nipple before his mouth wraps around it and he begins to suck.
âCan you put a finger in, Suku? PleaseâŚâ You ask him, your needy cunt in need of his fingers inside of you. He bites down on your nipple, causing a cry to leave your lips before he unlatches and lifts his head up.Â
âI hate beggars.â Sukuna reminds you, and youâre about to apologize but he shoves three fingers into your mouth, gagging you with them before you can even get a word out. He really knows you better than anyone. âMy woman doesnât apologize to anyone either. Not even her own husband.â
Sukuna finally pushes two fingers inside your pussy, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. His fingers are just so fucking big, and they reach every right spot. Sukuna feels you moan around his fingers before he takes them out of your mouth. He curves the fingers inside your cunt so they hit against your sweet spot. One hand goes to your breasts, and he begins to play with your nipples.Â
âIt feels so good, Suku.â You moan, your back arching as pleasure consumes you. Sukunaâs multiple hands are⌠Everything.
He takes his fingers out of your cunt, moving the wet digits down to your asshole. He spits down on your cunt and spreads his saliva down. He presses his fingers against your asshole as he lowers his head. He kisses from your lower abdomen to your pussy, where his tongue then runs through your folds and then up to your clit. His tongue begins to flick your clit while he pushes two fingers into your asshole, making you moan loudly.
âFuckâ Fuck!â You yell, as Sukuna also pushes two fingers into your cunt again. Itâs like music to Sukunaâs ears. Itâs too much for you, two fingers in your ass, two in your pussy, and his tongue on your clit. Both holes squeeze around his fingers as his tongue lays flat on your clit.
âSukuna! Shit, itâs so fucking good.â You bite down your lip, trying to not bring too much attention to yourself. Unluckily for you, as soon as Sukuna knows that youâre making yourself quiet, he stops. He lifts his head up and takes his fingers out of your pussy and asshole, leaving your holes to clench around nothing.
âI want my woman to be loud. Donât be a fucking bitch, do you hear me?â Sukuna kneels, towering over you again and you nod in response. You use your forearm to hold yourself up and look at him. He undoes his robe, and you lick your lips as you watch your husband get completely naked. Your thighs come together as your eyes fall on his two thick cocks, feeling excitement consume you. Sukuna smirks, watching you prompt yourself up to get his cocks in your mouth. He stops you, his hand going on your chin. âYouâre a cute little bitch⌠Youâll be okay. You can handle them both, right?â
âYes, lord.â You nod in response, and Sukuna treats you as if you were a dollâ More gently than he would treat an actual doll but he moves you as if you were one. He forces you to hold your legs to your chest, and the large tongue on his mouth licks your pussy, and moves down to your asshole. Heâll be sweet with you, especially since you brought back the name that you hadnât used since your marriage.
The tongue teases the entrance of your asshole but Sukuna stops before anything else happens. He lays his cocks down on your lower abdomen, and you deeply inhale. You wonder how itâll fit inside of you, but it always fits so you shouldnât worry.
Sukuna doesnât bother teasing the cock that goes in your pussy, immediately pushing it in which causes a loud moan to leave your lips. He doesnât waste time in putting the second cock in your ass, and once youâre stuffed with him, he begins to move. Heâs gentler with his thrusts this time, which you certainly appreciate since he didnât give you time to adjust.Â
Heâs grown impatient with the idea of you giving him an heir, he canât waste anymore time. And fuck, he just needs to feel you wrapped around his cocks. You donât seem to be struggling either way, quite the opposite, you moan in pleasure with his every movement.
âIâm going to fill your womb up with my seed, and youâre going to give me what I deserve.â Sukuna says through gritted teeth to not let out another sound that hints at how good youâre making him feel. Sukuna will never say anything that could hint at him being happy with someone elseâ The most youâve ever gotten from him was a marriage⌠order. Sukuna didnât propose marriage, he simply told you that you two would be getting married. But you know that the face that heâs making and the way he talks, heâs feeling good.Â
âIâll give you what you want, lord.â You respond as his cocks hits every right spot, filling you with so much pleasure. His thrusts pick up speed, and your eyes begin to roll to the back of your head. Sukunaâs hand begins to play with your clit, and you begin to squeeze around him even more, causing him to hiss. Fuck, he canât wait to see you big and round with his child. Sukuna canât wait for his seed to bless your womb and all the changes that itâll bring to your body. He canât wait to steal some of the milk thatâs meant for his child.
âGoing to fill you up with my child.â Sukuna groans as you squeeze around his cocks. Itâs too much for you, especially after heâs worked you up. Youâre loudly moaning his name, just like he wants you to. He wants the servants to hear how he pleases his woman. Itâs all too much for you since heâs filling up both of your holes and toying with your clit.
You shut your eyes, and see white as you squirt all over him, causing a chuckle to leave his throat. He lightly slaps your clit as you make a mess all over him. Sukuna canât help but praise you for it, which is definitely something rare, âThatâs my good wife.â
Sukuna bites his tongue, loving how tight and warm your holes feel. But you wonât get a noise out of him. His hand goes to your throat, however, it just rests there while his thumb presses against your lips, âThe only woman worthy of carrying my child.â
Sukuna gets rougher with his thrusts as his release approaches. The thought of you carrying his baby makes him go insane. Heâll make sure it happens soon, heâll fuck you every night until thereâs confirmation that youâre expecting his successor.Â
He mutters your name before he fills you up with his cum. He doesnât dare to pull out until both of your holes are completely filled with his seed. When Sukuna pulls out, he lays down beside you. He brings you into his embrace while you take deep breaths.
Sukuna kisses the top of your head, one of his hands running up and down your back. Maybe Sukuna hasnât exactly been fond of kissing before, but itâs definitely his favorite thing to do with you now.
#ryomen sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna#sukuna ryomen#jujutsu kaisen sukuna#jjk sukuna#sukuna smut#jujutsu sukuna#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n
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A Crown Of Ink : Chapter 7 - Five Of Wands
summary : you've been avoiding viktor, but as your next homework session comes around, he cannot help but be curious. oh and more tyler
content warnings : crude language (not much okay), reader is having thoughtsss
word count : 5,6k
author's note : FIRST OF ALL i was sick and on my periods writing this okay so this is much more of a transitionary chapter than anything for the shitstorm to come, SECOND OF ALL i KNOW it's another 5 of wands chapter i'm sorry i forgot that i had already used this card before THUS i will probably change the card in chapter 4 because i couldn't see any other card working for this one. but i still hope you all will like it <3 (i don't know how many times i wrote "sighed" in this chapter so BEAR WITH ME)
proofread by the lovely @yaffles-world
masterlist : here ďźďźdiscord : here ďźďźplaylist : here
taglist : @doctorho @6selkie @yunloyal @kryscent @hypocritic-trash-baby @kapitankarate @a-lovers-card @ababanerb @lolixsstuff @forget-me-not-my-dear @smolanchovy @shugar0cone0alt @harrys--ferret-blog @suuummerrr @stillinracooncity @noxturnalmoth @dlbitch
Friday arrived for another study session between you and Viktor. The week had flown by, with one particularity: your stubborn avoidance of Viktor, and his stubborn search for you.
During classes, you always managed to find a seat as far away from his as possible. You avoided him in the corridors, ignored him when you crossed his path, and when you were in the library and you noticed him, you packed up your things as quickly as possible to leave.
Since the power cut, you'd been even more keen to avoid Viktor. Although you'd done it before, you'd simply decided you didn't want to interact with him. The last few weeks had been far too full of his presence, and you needed to get away from him both physically and mentally.
The trip to the museum, the lunch with him and Jayce, the hour of detention... Your days were far more filled with him than you would have preferred.
It had been a sudden, almost instinctive choice to get as far away from him as possible.Â
There was something in the air of the evening of the blackout, and even today, a kind of disturbing truth was taking up more and more space in your mind: Viktor wanted to be your friend.
In your eyes, there was always a huge worry about making friends. Your circle was small, and most of your friendships were involuntary, and you were fine with it. You didn't need many friends, you simply kept the ones you trusted. But were you ready to place your trust in Viktor ?
Alas, Friday was here, and Viktor was inevitable.
You had arrived a little early at the library, dropping off your things and anticipating by picking up the tomes you would need during this session. The library was already busier than it had been the previous week, with your class mimicking you and Viktor as they set to work on their history topic to avoid working on it at the last minute.
You despised the very idea of doing this assignment, as it brought you too close to your years living in Zaun, to more nightmares every night to more Viktor. You wanted to get rid of this homework, and you knew full well that to do that you'd have to actually deal with it.Â
But while he was away, you took the opportunity to take out a sheet of paper and dipped the tip of your quill in one of the pretty inks Eris had given you. You wanted to write to her. You hadn't received any correspondence from her for some time now, and you suspected that she too had other things to worry that were more important than taking the time to sit down and write a letter.
Dear Eris, you began.
The weeks are endless here, and I almost miss the times when the only thing we had to do all day was figure out what to do to avoid dying of boredom till night came. I've welcomed my new flatmate, Sky Young. She's nice, I could have had worse, I doubt I could have had better. Speaking of better.
You raised your feather above the paper for a moment, hesitating over the next part of your sentence. Viktor would be inevitable in this very letter, and the idea frustrated you. No matter what happened, his name was on your mind, always at the corner of your lips, ready to rub against your teeth and sound out like a finger pressing on a trigger before shooting.
Were you going to tell her about your concerns? Were you going to feign disinterest, pretend it was just some guy Jayce had introduced you to?
I'm getting a bit more used to tarot. You write as your sign of progress. This morning I drew the five of wands. From what I gather though, it doesn't look very positive. I should expect it, five guys hitting each other with sticks seems an unlikely interpretation of a general hug.
According to the little booklet, the five of sticks represented: Incendiary events. Protests. Angry people. Drama. Exciting conflicts.
You'd raised your eyebrows as your eyes roamed the rest of the descriptions: New ideas are born of passionate debate. Energy is scattered but if forces work together, powerful results occur. There's a need for unity. You're bothered by people who don't act as you'd hoped. Free yourself by surrendering to the present moment.
Well, that looks promising, you thought. The card was obviously pushing you towards Viktor, and that was bothering you.
You were clinging to what you had, to the past, to the only thing you knew: survival. Viktor was turning your finely constructed ecosystem upside down, as if he were treading on a sandcastle you'd spent hours building on a windy beach.
But something inside you was beginning to creep in, an idea that seemed dangerous, and which a few weeks ago would have seemed quite simply impossible to think of.Â
What if you tried?
What if you tried not to be so uptight about working with him? What if, for once, you accepted the possibility that this wasn't a competition for your life?
The idea was bitter, weighing you down with anxiety. You went back to writing your letter.
I think I know what the card is leading me to, you confessed, but it is deeply unpleasant. What more can I say... I don't think this letter is going to be very long. I don't have much to tell you, and if I do, I'd rather say it to your face than on a sheet of the Glorious Academy of Piltover. You added useless curls in your writing for the title of the Academy to emphasize the ridicule of its prestigious status. You knew Eris would laugh. Did you get any new exotic payments? Here I'm drowning in copies and bolts, but your inks and herbs keep me company.
You smile for a moment, but the thought of mentioning Viktor keeps running through your mind. You looked around for a moment, as if he would miraculously appear and snatch the letter out of your hand to read it. But nothing, just the serene calm of the library, only the sound of flipped pages as students tried finding some information were keeping you compagny.
You were right about the Emperor. Of course you were. You confessed. A new pupil has arrived and, to top it all, he's beaten me in the league table. I suppose you can imagine how I felt about the situation. Every day is a tooth-and-nail battle with him. To crown it all, we've both been assigned to a collaborative project. Isn't that great? Anyway. I miss you a lot. I can't wait to hear from you. Say hi to Ekko for me.
Ekko was a childhood friend who you spent a lot of time with. It was undoubtedly through his demonstrations of repairs and your afternoons spent working on tinkering projects that your interest in science and engineering was born.Â
You dipped your quill in your inkwell one last time.
P.S: The name of the Emperor is-
"How long have you been here?"
You almost spilled the inkwell on the table as your eyes rose to Viktor, standing in front of you with his satchel slung over one shoulder.
You sighed. He could at least have made his presence known by clearing his throat, not by standing still and watching you like a cat under his amber eyes. You took your letter, writing his cursed name, followed by yours before blowing on the paper to hasten the drying of the ink.
"Long enough for either of us to fall asleep in Devid's classes," you huffed as you finally folded the sheet in half and tucked it into your notebook to send it later.
He wore a small smirk, gracefully relieving himself of his satchel by pulling it off his shoulder and letting it fall gently to the floor. He sat down opposite you, taking out his things.
"Was Demacian never one of your fortes for you to sleep during his classes?" he asked about Devid, your language teacher. "I thought you'd understand with your wide panel of knowledge."
"I do, understand." You corrected him as you picked up a tome to begin your work session. "I'm fluent, I don't need more of what's being said in these classes."
"Why ?" he asked, placing his inkwell and notebook on the table. "Ever travelled there ?"
"I never travelled outside of here and Zaun," you informed him.
He sighed, looking down at his notes. "Then you don't speak Demacian."
You frowned, raising your head. He met your gaze, waiting for your next remark.
"Why ?" you questioned. "Has his royal highness, all full of Runeterrian knowledge, been on a sweet trip to the Great City?"
He arched an eyebrow, his eyes drifting over the small pile of tome to grab one.
"Any idiot knows that learning a language in classes and putting it to practice in the actual region where said language is spoken is a completely different thing."
You remained silent, trying to contain and prevent yourself from giving him the pleasure of answering. You went back to your notes, pressing the binding of your notebook to the table as you jotted down a few more bits of information you managed to find in the new tome you'd selected.
A full minute passed, after which Viktor couldn't help breaking the silence.
"Why are you ignoring me?"
You sighed, was he a puppy in need of constant attention?
"I'm not ignoring you." You confirmed, not looking up from your notes.
"Fine." He said, searching for a way to continue the conversation, to find the keyword to unlock you. "Why are you avoiding me?"
This time he'd hit the nail on the head. Obviously he hadn't been blind to your dodges, but how could he? He was observant, always making the perfect deductions, and was smart enough to get on your nerves.
"Can we focus and work?" you tried to extricate yourself from the situation.
He sank back in his chair, staring at you for a moment. "Not until you answer my questions."
This time you won his gaze. "Too bad there's no candle for you to bargain information with."
"I can find other ways," he remarked, "Miss."
You tensed at the nickname, your lips pressing together as you leaned on the desk, resting your elbows on it.
"Oh yeah?" you replied almost amused, "I hope these ways will be as promising as you and Jayce's attempt at cooking on a heater."
He smiled, approaching you in turn. "You seem to have forgotten that I seem to know more about you than you know about me."
"And then I thought I was supposed to be the obsessed one," you brows knit as a curious little smile tried to stretch your lips. "You're not stalking me, are you ?"
Your eyes crinkled, scanning his continuously. The days were receding further and further into the night, and the sky outside was gradually turning from cyan to indigo. Under the subdued lights of the library, Viktor's eyes stood out, ever more piercingly under his long brown lashes.
"From what I have heard," he continued as you both leant on your elbows against the table as if playing chess, "Madam Selene is truly open when it comes to questions asked by her students."
He had just put your king in danger, your lips parting in surprise for a moment before closing again, jaw clenched.
"Surely she won't mind exchanging on the pride that her legal daughter is to her?"
You inhaled heavily, chewing your cheek as his insufferable sneer spread to the corners of his lips again, raising his mole slightly.
You picked up your quill again, avoiding his gaze and letting yours return to your notebook. You dipped it in with a half-open, hesitant mouth as you considered what you were going to say, both to him and on paper.
"I'm avoiding you because I can't get to be friends with my only rival."
He seemed amused by your sentence, as if you were just a child trying to impress an adult by saying something serious and threatening with the latest big word you had learned. He rested his chin on his palm, watching you write, and for an instant you thought of the paper he'd never passed you back during detention. What was he about to say ?
"Isn't there an old saying about being close to your opponents ?"
"Isn't there this old thing called âfree willâ that allows me to do whatever I want ?"
He shrugged. "Your free will hasn't decided to make you leave this room so far."
You regained his eyes this time, the latter looking through you, trying to peek through the cracks in your facade for a chance to see the lights that resided there.
"Are you challenging my free will? Because I can give it some physical attributes in the scientifically accurate name of 'clenched fists'."
"I'll pass." He sneered. "I'm sure Tyler has had enough lessons on this concept."
Silence fell again, you scanning the lines of another novel where too little information about Zaun was catalogued, while Viktor had not touched his pen. You could feel him in your peripheral vision, watching you, following you relentlessly.
"Am I truly your rival?" He finally asked.
"What else would you be?"
Viktor pouted, straightening slightly. "Being your rival implies having the same goal and fighting for it. I am uncertain if that definition applies to us in this case."
Admittedly, he didn't seem to have the same devotion to his academic results as you did, which frustrated you deeply. But what about the second option he cited?
"In the Academy, we all have the same goal." You replied, watching him for a moment before returning to your notes.
There was another pause on the table, and you thought that perhaps this time he would start working. But he didn't.
"I want a truce."
You looked up, raising an eyebrow.
"...Okay," you finally say, picking up another book, "good for you."
"I mean it, miss." He insisted. "I think you've had it wrong on me-" But you cut him off.
âWhat are you implying ?â You asked, annoyed at beating around the bush when you seemed to be the only one working right now.
"I'm not implying," Viktor nuanced, "I am saying."
"Saying ?" you shook your head, waiting for the next part.
"Yes. You know, that thing that one can do with the possession of a mouth and vocal cords ? You've become an expert at it just through this conversation,â he remarked as he straightened up and grabbed his pencil, twirling it between his fingers, "as it is the most we have spoken together in a week."
"Well then, conversation doesn't seem to be such a dying art anymore now does it ?" you remarked.
Viktor smiled. "You seem to like quoting me."Â
You stared at him, raising your eyebrows and sighing. "I'm going to use unparalleled verbal condescension: shush." Your eyes returned to the tome you were working on. "This is a library, not a cafĂŠ."
"You've never spat in mine, by the way, reassure me?"
"After wasting my spit talking to you, I doubt I'd waste any more in your coffee."
He didn't say a word, but you knew he was smiling. Facing you, painfully fiddling with his pen as if this whole thing was some meagre task he could afford to procrastinate on.
You hated this attitude, the simple fact that he didn't seem to work to achieve his goals, that it was innate when you had struggled to rise so high for so long.
"I mean it," he said, straightening up, putting aside his teasing tone for a moment, "for the truce."
You looked up at him, his expression unfamiliar to you. There was something gentle in his piercing gaze, as if he saw something in you that was worth seeing. You sighed, thinking for a moment.
Would this childish quarrel last until the end of the year? Would you still consider him an enemy when you could have made a new friend? Friendships didn't come your way every day, and you were well aware of that. But were you ready to put aside your stubbornness after the various humiliations he had put you through?
âWhat would a truce even mean?â you finally asked, somehow intent on hearing more.
His lips stretched slightly as his eyes widened. He shrugged.
âI don't know,â he admitted, âI never thought I'd go this far with you, on this topic.â
Your shoulders slumped.
âThen think of something to say next time after we finish working on this.â You returned to your page, rereading your notes. âI'll take the subjects of Boundary Markets, Cultivairs, and Hope House Orphanage. One location for each level. You should pick three too.â
âHope House Orphanage?â He repeated, mind finally concentrating on the exposĂŠ. âThat's the only good thing that can be talked about in such a level.â
You turned a few pages of your notes, running through the lines of your research.Â
âThere's always Old Hungry,â you remarked, voice lower.
The Old Hungry was a gigantic mechanized clock tower that grew from the very depth of Zaun and built itself up till levels that could reach some of Piltover's buildings. It was too imposing to avoid, and too full of history to be left aside in the presentation.
âOld Hungry ? This old scrap doesn't even give time anymo-â
âIt's the Heart of Zaun.â You cut. âIt's unavoidable to talk about it anyway.â
âWhy don't you take it if you're so adamant about it being on our work?â
You remembered its size, the dark wingspan and the wind blowing through the dusty gears of the Old Hungry.Â
âI'd rather you be the one to take it.â you confirmed.
âWhy ?â
âBecause. Don't you want to take it ?â
âDo you want to get rid of it ?â
You exchanged a look with him, urging him not to be picky.
âWhy are you being so mysterious about all of this?â he questioned, eyebrows furrowed.
âYou seem to have forgotten that you seem to know more about me than I know about you.â you repeated, annoyed.
âShall I ask Selene?â he said ironically.
âI fear asking her this would be a limit placed both in her knowledge about this as well as your questions for her.âÂ
He gazed at you for a moment, clearly frustrated by the secrets, the things left unsaid. You stood up, returning the tomes you'd already read to their shelves. Viktor stood up, following you.
âActing tough will not make it hurt any less.â He said as you climbed the steps of the ladder and he reached its base. âYou know this, yes?â
You suppressed a sigh as you placed one of the tomes on the shelf, arranging it perfectly in line.
âI don't need any of your life lessons,â you remarked, placing the extra tomes. âCan you move the ladder to the left?â
âYou know the magic word,â he almost crooned.
You scoffed, not intending to give it to him so easily. You leaned to the side, watching, tiptoeing to reach one of the too few tomes on Zaun in the entire library.
Viktor seemed amazed at how stubborn you could prove to be, especially about him.
âDon't tell me your leitmotif resides in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?â he questioned as you leaned dangerously toward the books.
âMy leitmotif,â you pointed out as you almost reached the binding of the tome you were after, âresides in what doesn't kill you disappoints me-â
You'd reached the book, but your sentence was cut off at the end by your sharp gasp of breath. You'd just lost your balance, your feet slipping off the ladder step as you felt the air rush beneath you and expected to slam heavily into the ground.
The sound of something falling to the floor echoed, the sensation of hands on your back and waist catching you off the ground. Your heart pounding with the shock of sudden fear, you realized what had just happened in the blink of an eye: Viktor had caught you in your fall.
You could feel his thin fingers, warm and tentative, resting on the vest of your uniform around your waist. He held you there, firmly, and you felt your back brush against his chest, his breath landing on the nape of your neck and raising the hairs on it.
You released yourself from his grip and turned to face him, suddenly backing away, heart still pounding, but unable to differentiate whether this was due to the suddenness of the fall, or something else.
He seemed just as surprised as you were, lips parted. He didn't seem to be about to make a condescending remark, a joke about your lack of balance that could be matched by his, nothing.
You leaned back against the shelf, trying to calm yourself as your muscles relaxed from the apprehension of your fall.
There was a moment of quiet, a moment when, for once, neither of you knew what to say to the other. Your eyes fell to the ground, where Viktor's cane had fallen. You swallowed on a dry throat, inhaling to try and grain back your thoughts.
You knelt down to pick it up, straightening up to hand it back to him. He studied you for a moment, his eyes fixed on yours. He brought his hand tentatively up to the handle of his cane, stretched out towards him.
âDid you mean it?â you asked in a low voice as his hand reached the pommel, his thin, long fingers a minute ago resting on your waist wrapping elegantly and slowly around his cane.
âThe truce?â he questioned, his voice almost reaching the whisper, as if he feared any higher volume would burst the delicacy of this bubble you were both in.
You let go of the cane, leaning back against the bookcase again, like a prop, like your crutch.
âThe other night,â you began, eyes lowered to your feet on the floor, âyou said that it seemed impossible to me that you wanted to learn more about me, out of genuine curiosity. And now, you said you wanted a truce.â You raised your head, straightening to look at him. âDid you mean it, all of this?â
You felt very small, as if you were walking and, in the middle of the nettles, had found a patch of grass where you could put your feet without stinging yourself.
He seemed touched, but this emotion seemed to give way to confusion.
âWhy wouldn't I mean it ?
Why would you mean it? you wondered. You'd had enough examples of how trust was doomed to fail you. You pulled yourself upright, drawing your armour back over you, closing your heart before it went beyond the confines of your chest.
âOh sorry.â you resumed sarcastically. âI forgot how through your many gallantries in our discussions you have evidently shown to be the most agreeable young man in the world.â
He smiled, his cheerful attitude back in place in the blink of an eye. âI cannot deny that exchanging with someone like you bring out the more playful part of me.â
âSomeone like me?â you stressed, almost offended.
âYes.â he confirmed. âYour morals are like a legend - rumoured to exist, but no proof to back it up.â
You sighed, rolling your eyes as you started walking back to your table. âMy expectations for you were low when asking this, but somehow you still failed to meet them...â
But your sentence had died on its end, as not far from your table, an unfortunately familiar, tall figure with blond curls stood.
Fuck. Tyler.
Seeing you reappear from between the shelves, he noticed you both, a cheeky grin spreading across his face as he strode towards you.
âAh,â he smiled as he approached you, âmy tormentors.â
You sighed, standing by your table as he reached the height of your chair. âYou again.â
âWhat?â He chuckled, feigning offense as he rested his hand on his chest. âAren't you pleased to see me?â He arched an eyebrow. âI'm sure you've got another one of these filthy Zaunite, barbaric lessons to give me.â
âYou wish you were worth the effort.â You huffed, moving closer to your chair, but he came between you and it.Â
You glared at him, who seemed satisfied with your reaction. He turned to Viktor.
âYour dog's got quite the bite, Moravec.â His eyes settled on you again, watching you up and down until they returned to yours. âWhere did you get one of those?â
You breathed heavily, the annoyance of his remarks demeaning you to a supposedly docile and pliable being making your blood boil.
âTurns out she has a mouth and proper aligned thoughts that you could not fathom reaching, Tyler.â Pointed Viktor, coming to sit in his respective place.
The blond watched you, not letting go of your eyes for a moment as he took a step back and took his place in your chair. âHow noisy insects are this time of year.â
And he was proud, of his insolence, of his overflowing egotism, which he displayed like the most expensive and chic jacket he owned in his priceless wardrobe.
âTyler,â you began, inhaling as you tried to calm yourself, ââpiss off.ââ
âSuch a soft language.â He sneered, lounging in your chair as if he'd ordered its manufacture himself. Who knows, maybe all the academy's furniture rested on his family's finances. âDo they all speak like that in Zaun?â
âWhy ? Wanna go visit ?â You inquired, crossing your arms over your chest. âI wonder what'll get taken first, your pretty blonde locks, or your tongue.â
You played on his unfamiliarity with the city, his prejudices ingrained in his mind, unfolding a terrain of fictitious threats that could be very useful to you.
It had its effect. For a slight moment, you noticed the concern in his eyes, a very silent â... is that true?â that didn't cross the boundary between his mind and lips.
âMy patron came to me.â He confessed, looking away as if ignoring you. âSeems like your detention ran a bit short, didn't it?â
You heard Viktor chuckle, but didn't even turn around. âIt's just like you said, Miss.â he remarked, leaning forward on the table. âLooks like he is obsessed with us."
âYou're not worth a thought.â Tyler spat, obviously insulted by Viktor's remark. He turned to you, grabbing one of your pencils to play with like it was his. âDidn't know you had your own patron, though.â
âLet me guess.â You sighed, placing your weight on one of your hips as you stood. âYour little clever mind aligned two dots and thought that Zaun and Patron together was an impossible combination of words here in the Academy.â
He was amused, but obviously annoyed. You must have touched a reality in his reasoning that he didn't like you to know.
âThis one was a second thought.â He admitted all the same. âThe first was,â he leaned in slightly, âhow the hell does a girl as irascible as you can manage to pull any social strings to get yourself a patron?â
You giggled, he was trying to push your buttons. Perhaps he was simply a masochist, you considered, perhaps he had a pronounced desire for humiliation. Or perhaps he was just profoundly stupid.
âFunny, I thought the same thing about you when I met you.â You offered him a smile that possessed no warmth. âBut I guess walking around with a golden spoon in your mouth and shitting in silk sheets during your childhood up until now must have its advantages. Right, Hoskel ?"
Tyler frowned, hemming his lower lip in anger. His eyes shifted from yours to Viktor's. âShe truly is-â
But you cut him off, placing both hands on the table and leaning towards him. âShe is in front of you. And she,â your voice darkened, âcan add some new marks on your face to match the blue of your eyes.â
Tyler tensed, the seriousness in your stare convincing him for a moment that your threats weren't empty words, but promises that would come true if necessary.
He let out a nervous laugh, nodding as if you'd just given him a most satisfying demonstration. He was probably thinking, right then and there, that he was safe. That on the floor of the Academy, you wouldn't repeat the violent acts that had earned you an hour's detention.
âYou, are a tough one, my friend.â he laughed. âYou still have the essence of your hometown so far, you as well as he.â He turned to Viktor. âPaint stripes on a toad, it'll never make it a tiger.
Your blood ran hot, the sentence like an iron that had just burned your skin raw. You gripped his tie, pulling so hard that Tyler nearly stumbled and strangled on it as you pulled him towards your face, your face twisted with hatred.Â
His eyes were filled with a new fear as you rumbled, your voice low. âSay that again, and I'll fucking kill you.â
His chest bulged and sagged rapidly as his shoulders were up to his ears in fear, stressing as your knuckles turned white under the tight grip you had on his tie.
He swallowed, staying that way until, in the blink of an eye, his gaze landed on your lips.Â
The simple act brought you back to the reality of your proximity, of your two faces so close together that anyone could have considered this something intimate. You let go of his tie as if it carried an infection, as if it had suddenly become so hot that you had to let go of it at all costs. You frowned, stepping back, watching Tyler as he breathed just as heavily.
The great doors of the library opened, and the tiny silhouette of Heimerdinger poked his pink nose into the room. This was enough for you to put aside the previous event, same for Viktor and Tyler who both turned to the professor in surprise.
You eyes widened, straightening up as he strode contentedly towards the center of the room. What was Heimerdinger doing here?
It was unusual to find teachers in the library, and obviously all the students around you seemed just as confused about the situation. He trotted on, making his way to the very center of the room under the curious gazes of students.
âYoung folks,â he called, âI have an announcement to make. Please gather around me, so that I don't have to see you all one by one in the immensity of this room."
The students exchanged surprised glances, approaching him. You looked at Viktor, who was frowning. He stood up, you approached Heimerdinger. When a small arc had formed around the professor, he cleared his throat.
â I would have liked to have waited until our next class to tell you,â he admitted, âbut with the news just in and the weekend coming up, I thought it wiser to tell you as soon as possible.â
Everyone was hanging on his every word.
âYou see, we've been communicating for some time, the Academy members and myself, with The Great Demacia University.â
Murmurs began to rise in the tiny group of students, whispers about the white region running through the air.
âAnd we have concluded, after many very promising exchanges, that a few classes from the Piltover Academy will have the privilege of traveling to Demacia as part of a school trip.â
Surprise filled the room. A school trip?Â
"The Academy and I,â continued Heimerdinger as he walked hands behind his back, the two elements of his sentence simply inseparable, âconsider it a real cultural benefit to be able to organize such a program to link our two schools. The trip will therefore take place in a month and a half's time.â
Some of the students laughed, the joy of the news filling them. The idea of a school trip puzzled you. You'd never left Piltover or Zaun. You'd always clung on to those two towns, and upsetting that perspective was something you hadn't quite figured out yet. But it would undoubtedly be a good way of discovering new horizons, of not having to confine yourself to the same landscape of two cities you didn't like for different reasons.Â
However, your thoughts paused for a moment, as you sensed that Heimerdinger hadn't finished with his announcement.Â
âYes, I know.â He chirped. âThe excitement of a new journey is not a small thing in young souls. However, an event such as this deserves an organizational rearrangement.â
And that's where things got complicated.
âFirst of all, your duet presentations that were due in two weeks' time have now been determined by myself into an overall assignment for your year.â
The majority of students rejoiced, but your heart fell into your stomach. An assignment, spread out over the whole year, that you were to do with none other than Viktor as your sole partner in this work?
You exchanged a glance with him, the latter seeming no more affected than that, neither hot nor cold.
âAnd...â The professor resumed. âThe planning of this event alone will eat up a good two weeks of this year. Consequently,â silence fell, everyone waiting for the end of his sentence, "the exams in each subject for this semester have been brought closer together, and will therefore take place in two weeksâ time.â
Your lips parted, as if the apocalypse had just been added to your diary.Â
Two weeks. You had two weeks to study everything. Two weeks to get to know everything.Â
Two weeks to overtake Viktor and regain your place at the top of the ranking.
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#a crown of ink#acoi#viktor x reader#viktor x you#viktor fic#viktor x y/n#arcane viktor x reader#arcane viktor#arcane viktor x you#viktor arcane#viktor arcane x reader#viktor arcane x you#arcane x reader#arcane x you#arcane#viktor
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michelle's buddie fic recs: week 48!
hello loves i'm so sorry for the delay!! life has been kicking my ass lately BUT i've been reading some good fics still and i'm happy to share them <3
this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.
if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!
any way the wind blows | notathingtoseehere | 10.1k | M
A post s08e08 look into how Buck could backslide into his season 1 habits when his best friend leaves him. hmmm tis the season of speculation for many more months... may i recommend this one to start off with? i love a return to buck 1.0 so much!! also op i need you to know i did in fact say good job out loud lol
can i be close to you? | myemergence | 4.2k | T
âWoah, woah,â Chim laughs, âplease, Buck, do not tell us what or who it is youâve been dreaming about.â A fic written for a prompt on the Buddie discord, about forehead kisses. Fluff ensues. yes i have in fact been going through the entire buddie forehead kisses tag this past week. no i do not wat to talk about it. but i DO want to talk about this lovely little fic!!
cool | LovelyLittleGrim | 5.6k | T
Buck keeps kissing Eddie on the forehead. Eddie has some THOUGHTS about it. eddie has thoughts and so i do and those thoughts are that buck should keep doing this forever and ever <3 so cute!!
eddie diaz can't have sex | notathingtoseehere | 11.9k | M
Eddie Diaz would like to say that the 118 needs a more involved HR department, or maybe he just needs friends who do less meddling. i love firefam shenanigans and i love demi eddie and i love buddie so basically i love this fic <3
eddie diaz vs the buck's boyfriend agenda | songbvrd/@songbvrd | 23.4k | M
Eddie starts gathering information about why no one trusts Tommy. As he grows to hate their relationship more, he learns more about himself and what he wants. eddie's agenda đ¤ my agenda. all of this author's works are a delight and this is no exception <3
feels like falling in love | justhockey | 5.2k | not rated
five times Eddie doesnât mean to kiss Buck, and the one time he does. delicious delicious 5+1 fic <3
home is not a place | ithilien22/@ithilien-writes | 9.7k | T
In which Eddie has a series of long overdue conversations - with Chris, with his parents, and also with Buck. eddie and chris having heartfelt conversations at the lake!! this is brilliant and captures their dynamic so well <3
howling all night | clytemnestra/@clytemnestraaa | 3.3k | E
Buck helps him pack. Of course he does. Buckâs helpful like that. Eddie leaves for Texas. this hurt in the best way possible <3 so gorgeous!
i've lost my mind | evenatraitormaymend | 9.4k | T
Buck doesnât tell anyone about his insomnia for six months. Eddie notices anyway, but neither of them talk about it until itâs nearly six am and he wakes up to Buck climbing in his bedânot having slept since before their 24-hour shift started yesterday. Eddie gets to show Buck how much heâs loved. okay two things i LOVE are eddie taking care of buck but also buck researching and setting up routines and taking care of himself, so basically this is the perfect fic for me <3
the aftermath of liberation and love confessions | ElvenSorceress | 17.3k | T
In which Eddie comes out, sexuality is complicated but coffee is not, Buck makes an excessive salad and is also roasted, everyone has a love confession, and December is the most dramatic time of year. this was a lovely lovely morning read a few days ago!! i love me some good idiots in love <3
the missing children's parents club | notathingtoseehere | 34.5k | T
With Christopher in El Paso and Mara pulled out of custody, there's a lot of parents around the 118 that are missing their kids, and a lot of comfort that can be found with each other. not me realising as i'm putting this together that i keep reccing the same author... i had no idea but i promise they're all brilliant brilliant fics!! think i might have to check out their other works lol this must be a sign
'til my lungs give out | time_leigh | 1.1k | G
Buck wakes slowly, gently. He lays still, breathing slowly, enveloped in the soft embrace of a duvet. He is not awake enough to open his eyes and shifts, slowly turning his head deeper into his pillow, feeling the drag of the cotton, smelling home. There is an arm laced over his chest. Slowly, an ear-splitting grin grows across his face. soft and sweet and absolutely tooth-rotting fluff in the best way possible <3
transduce the mind | detectivemeer/@buick118 | 2.4k | E
Buckâs talking about how nearly a third of US gymnasts are in the southeast and how Maddie did rhythmic danceânot dance, Eddieâand heâs reaching for the remote to find their next binge when all the bad ideas Eddieâs ever successfully obliterated resurrect themselves. And Eddie figures, in a cold empty echo, that his life is already ruined. What's one more grenade launched at the rubble? this is STUNNING and so so so well-written, i loved every second of it!!
trying to be cool about it | jukoist | 6.1k | G
Buck and Eddie have always tried too hard to force themselves to like the people they're dating (to varying degrees of success). They have very different responses to realizing how easy it has been to be in love all along. this is the most brilliant most buddie premise ever and it's executed so so well and i love it!! such a good time <3
when everything's on fire | beartowns/@glowingyears | 15.4k | T
Eddie and Chris move in with Buck after a fire. Buck breaks up with his boyfriend, buys a house with Eddie, and realizes he's in love. In precisely that order. oh the buddie house hunting always hits so good <3 this is a beautiful take on that trope and it's just such a wonderful fic!!
#buddie#buddie fic#buddie fic rec#911 abc#911 fic#911 fic rec#michelleâs recs#fic rec list#gonna be so real i usually do a little tumblr stalk session to find authors on here#but i just don't have the energy for that today lol#so that's why most people aren't tagged on here rn#v sorry about that! if you know any/are one of these authors do lmk and i'll happily edit a tumblr tag in
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Late Christmas gift
I looked at the kitchen clock again, â6:36PMâ It had only been 2 minutes since I last looked, after that I looked at the phone just to confirm that the time was correct, Maybe Grandpa Greg's flight had missed. Delayed? We hadn't seen each other, I placed my grandfather's glasses over my eyes, which I had easily gotten used to always having at my side.
I hated these stupid glasses, Grandpa's eyes work as much as his tiny, wrinkled cock, it's been over a year since me and Grandpa swapped bodies, I'd forgotten to buy a damn gift for Grandpa Greg, I didn't even know he liked me. To old people before I became one... I should have given him a foot massager. This huge belly makes my feet so tired that I prefer not to move from the couch for hours.
Anyway, I didn't have a gift, so I just wrote on a piece of paper âValid for any gift.â How the hell was I supposed to know that what I wanted for Christmas was to be young again?â
The day after Christmas we simply woke up in each other's bodies and the worst thing of all is that we can't say anything about this ridiculous body swapping! Every time I try to tell my parents or one of my friends that I'm trapped in my grandfather Greg's obese, disgusting decrepit body, those thoughts just disappear from my mind and I start talking like I'm a 60-year-old old man. The last time I tried to tell my ex-girlfriend Stephanie, I âwoke upâ at the racetrack showing off my enormous stomach with a pipe in my lips and several empty beer cans around me.
But all this would end soon... or at least it was supposed to. We had tried everything to swap again, we even watched a long marathon of body swap movies to try various methods, but nothing worked... the only solution was to try to recreate what caused this problem in the first place, I just had to give him the same gift, and he would write âmy body backâ or something like that.
My family was preparing for dinner when suddenly a sound that came from my cell phone made me put the beer I was drinking on my huge belly.
âI'm sorry kid, but I didn't know how to tell you in person, I decided to leave things as they are for a while, I still have things to do with your body, but don't worry I'll be back for the new year... maybe, I just met a guy incredible on the beach and I wouldn't want to ruin itâ
Hey guys! happy holidays!
This is a little story I wrote last year for my Ko-Fi page, thank you all so much for another wonderful year, if you like bodyswap and stories you can support me on my Ko-fi page to access my archive of over 250 bodyswap stories, from my old patreon and discordâŚ
oh! And join my discord server, if you like RP or if you have any ideas that you would like me to write in a future story, I'm taking suggestions for ideas and images.
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[11] DAYLIGHT â d-day
you stared unblinking at the webcam, your stream displaying the waiting animation sakura had created for you a couple years back. the moment karina accepted your friend request on discord, you started the stream.
âhello everyone,â you smile, âtodayâs stream is slightly special and iâll explain in just a minute when our mystery guest joins.â
your mouse hovers over the call button as the chat floods with comments about the âmystery guestâ. by now, everyone had sort of figured out who the mystery guest was. could it really be counted as a mystery?
karina finally joins the call and your party in overwatch.
âhello?â
the chat goes crazy. you inwardly grimace. thereâs a wave of donations and tips coming in. you didnât know of karinaâs popularity until that moment.
âwe have karina joining us today,â you cringe at your cheerful tone. you can only imagine karina making fun of you later. she replies, âhi everyone, iâm karina.â
seeing as your viewers had calmed down significantly, you start to explain, âso iâm sure some of you guys are wondering why we hosted this stream. well, karina and i matched in a game and became acquainted with one another after.â you leave out the part about how karina was the cause of your account being banned.
âacquainted? didnât you say we werenât friends?â karina teased. you already feel a headache coming.
you try to smile, knowing that most likely, sheâs also watching your stream and reactions.
âletâs just play!â
karina lets out a boisterous laugh as you quickly start a 1v1 match.
âare there any rules?â you read from the chat, ânope, but respawn is not on and we can change heroes.â
your mouse flashes across the screen, and you see karina being locked in already. knowing her, the youtuber probably picked genji to prove you wrong. a chuckle escapes your lips and you pick symmetra. the game starts.
âiâm excited,â karina remarks.
âexcited to lose?â
she merely laughs. the doors finally open and youâve never been so focused in your life. the mere prospect of having yu karina do anything you want is already egging you on. you werenât aware of her fanbase, but you were now. with the help of kim minju of course.
âare you hiding?â you ask incredously after scouring the map for a few minutes but with no karina in sight.
âof course not, stupid.â her silky yet raspy voice reverberates in your headphones. you canât help your cheeks heating up.
a moment passes, and you hear quick footsteps behind you. your mouse swiftly turns. she isnât there anymore.
âyouâre so annoying,â you mutter. you can hear karinaâs smirk in her voice when she replies, âyou like me that way.â
âi donât like you in any way.â
âyeah?â before you even get to answer, genji jumps out of nowhere and gets a couple hits on you. you instantly snap into action, symmetra placing down her sentry turrets, combating karinaâs swift movements.
âare they flirting or arguing with each other?â
âthis is very homoerotic.â
you ignore your chat.
her health depletes slightly before she manages to escape again. you grin, already knowing that her pride wouldnât allow her to switch to another hero. and she was so predictable that you chose a hero that counters genji.
âstop hiding and running away, itâs defeating the purpose of a 1v1,â you say.
âonly if you tell me nicely, darling.â the red in your cheeks return and your chat goes berserk.
you click your tongue, irritation at yourself boiling. you were so easily flustered.
âdonât call me that!â
the blurry image of karina smirking only sends another wave of heat to your face.
âwhatever you say, darling.â you roll your eyes.
âokay, stop hiding. letâs settle this for real.â at that moment, karina chooses to strike. genji apparates out of nowhere again and deals massive amounts of damage. when you use your primary fire, karina canât deflect it. youâre left with barely a quarter of full health. you assume karina has roughly the same.
âbaby, just let me win.â
you donât even hesitate to stop firing. karina giggles as she throws one last shuriken at you. symmetra groans and the screen goes into darkness. your chat pings continuously.
defeat, in large and bold letters, shows up on your screen. your jaw drops. you only gaze at the monitor in awe. in awe of how easy you were. just a simple command from karina and you were basically turned into a lapdog. how does someone so insufferable have such a effect on you?
âwhat. the. hell.â
âchoi yena gifted 5 subs; park yn, donât tell me you just lost because youâre a simp?â the robotic voice says. you continue gaping at the screen. the humiliation of your loss only eats you up, and thereâs an overwhelming urge to just end the stream without saying goodbye. in your headphones, you hear karina laughing heartily. the chat is still being flooded with comments, mostly making fun of you. not only had you lost, you lost in front of 20k people watching your devastating defeat.
âuhm,â you mumble, âso, see you guys next time.â
âthanks for the game, yn! donât forget about our bet,â karina laughs gleefully.
your entire face turns red at this point. with clumsy hands, you end the stream, vowing to never play overwatch ever again.
masterlist | next
TAGLIST ! @flolio @imahallucination11 @wallfl9wer @edamboon @seullovesme @twicesserafim @klvarchives @rinapomu @pandafuriosa60 @jisooftme @cwpiqwon @yoontoonwhs @limbforalimb @xen248 @r4cjh @dni-unavailable @yukianism @i3lia @ryujinsdimple @httpisaoki @haerinsloverr @masuowo @multiliker @edenzeepy @1luvkarina @yeetaberry127
#daylight ft. yjm#aespa smau#aespa x reader#karina x reader#karina smau#yu jimin smau#yu jimin x reader#jimin smau#jimin x reader
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"Be Yourself", says the Furry Fandom.
And yet, as with many things in life, it's far easier said than done.
I've found that 'being myself' can take a lot of bravery, but I want to tell you why it's so, so important.
Storytime!
At Eurofurence this year, I ran the e621 Gameshow for the third year in a row. And for the third year in a row, we were over capacity. As in, security-comes-in-to-tell-people-to-leave levels of over capacity (Which, my dear sympathies once again with those who had to go!)
We had a crowd that was there for an hour and a half of weird furry porn. Who cheered for horsecock. Who delighted in Falco Lombardi macro art. A hundred people - a quarter of the room - gleefully admitted to being into vore.
The atmosphere was electric, and I hadn't even needed my e-stim kit. This was a crowd who rejoiced in the adult side of the fandom!
And then I asked them - how many people had a fetish they'd be nervous admitting to?
A third of the room raised their hands.
In a room that had been laughing moments earlier about the amount of Mufasa/Simba porn, or getting a 100% success rate on guessing popular cock shapes, 1/3 of them weren't confident in revealing those same parts of themselves.
I don't think this is rare.
I've had folks ask me if I get hate for the kind of art I draw (not really much at all, by the way). But worse, I get people telling me - they wish they could draw what they want, write the characters they love⌠but they fear what others might say.
I've had commissioners remain anonymous, for fear of people knowing what they're into. Known artists start up alt accounts, so that they can draw a kink without their friends knowing. Writers wringing their hands over possible reactions to their stories.
And I would love to tell you it's all just fear - but truth is, it isn't.
Because it ain't just the big patron sites that are swinging the axe on the 'too weird'. Our own sites - our communities - sharpen their restrictions. Whole kinks, loving and accepted, are now 'too far'.
We're fearing the gaze from the outside. We're hearing their derision. And that can scare us, cause us to hide not just ourselves, but those around us. "What if they think that I'm into that? What would they say? I need to prove I'm not!"
We all crave love and acceptance. And in a fandom formed in rejection from society, don't we just hold such ideals even more tightly? So much so that the very idea of this same community throwing us out - for being ourselves? Of course it's terrifying.
But it turns out, even us outcasts, outsiders⌠we can all hold prejudices. We all have the ability to draw lines, and give too little thought to what that means. We can so easily turn our own opinions, our fear of what others think of us, into rules that hurt and exclude.
And therein lies the issue. "Be yourself", says the fandom, without stopping to consider how treacherous, how thorned that path can be. To be yourself, sometimes, is to suffer the disgust of those who would tell you to do it in the first place.
But⌠I'm missing something.
Thing is, this fandom isn't based on any one thing. We're not just here because Zootopia was a kinda cool movie, or Twokinds is pretty sexy, or StarFox looks good when he's fifteen stories tall.
We follow no one IP, no webcomic, no TV show. We follow only one thing:
Ourselves.
WE make the fandom we live in. We're dozens of sexualities, a hundred meetups and conventions, a thousand discord servers and Telegram channels, a million pictures and stories and alt-accounts and roleplaysâŚ
We decide what we are.
Aren't we the haven of the weird? The questioning of sexualities? The taboo, even incomprehensible kinks? We joke about vore, knots, gratuitous foot fetishists, but isn't that what makes this place home? Isn't every artist drawing obvious kink art following a beautiful legacy?
We are the monsterfuckers. The maw-obsessed, the paw-sluts, the musk-lovers (er, not that one). With every fetish we draw, every kink we commission, every smut-filled story and problematic character and taboo-laden roleplayâŚ
We're the fandom, making ourselves.
Through being myself, through art and stories and chats and servers, I've found new communities. New friends. New ways to think, new art to enjoy. I've found love, deeper than I ever thought possible.
I've found myself.
And I've been told that through my artwork, stories, friend groups, I've helped people do the same. They've found the words to describe what's been inside them this whole time.
They've found they're not alone.
It's one of the sweetest and most delightful things I've heard.
Yes, it takes bravery to be yourself. You risk being misperceived, either accidentally or wilfully. You risk hurt. You risk confusion. But it's nothing you haven't done before. And in its wake, you will find yourself.
Do not let other people dictate who you are.
Do not let other people dictate who you are.
So when I say to keep furry weird, this is what I mean. Find that part of yourself that yearns to be free, and make this fandom the place for it.
Be yourself. Be so amazingly yourself that your very existence is an act of rebellion.
And Keep. Furry. Weird.
#keep furry weird#furry#furry discourse#idk i just have so much love for the weird and the questioning inside me#if you haven't heard these words before for being who you are#then hear them here#I love you
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PAC : September 2024 Mini Messages
1. 2. 3.
And we're almost in fall đ
To book a personal reading with me DM or email me at [email protected]
Services Offered
Reviews
Thanks for the tip â¨
Picture 1
You'll be feeling the urge to socialize or reconnect with friends and loved ones this month. Likely even connect with new people that inspire you and reignite a spark within you. It seems like as you're headed for autumn you begin to experience your personal spring. There's a lot in your mind and heart and it's been repressed there for quite some time now because you haven't found the right means to express them or the people to express them to but this: shall change. I see you wanting to maintain more balance and diplomacy in your life this month instead of extremes. In a way you've told yourself, "Hey I've done enough push and pull, let me allow things to fall in place." A lot of you might focus on regulating your nervous system, some of you might be starting therapy or just being more attentive about your mental health. Some of you might collaborate or work with others especially if you're an artist or creator of any kind. I also see a select few coming out of hiding and gaining the confidence to put themselves out there. This month will also end on a joyful note for you. You'll also be pursuing something your heart feels really called to. You'll also feel cherished and cared for, this could be from a special someone or your friends and family or the community you're proud of. You'll feel a lot less alone, you never really were.
Picture 2
Leaving all that heartache behind. Bit by bit. Holding your life by the reigns by finding the courage within. There's no need to wait for anyone to help you through this, just begin. I know certain anguishes weigh rather heavily but it doesn't have to be a permanent resident there. A lot of you are planning on moving away from a present location that hasn't been bringing you peace you'l likely end up executing it before this year ends. Sometime around this month itself you'll find yourself feeling emotionally renewed. Opportunities coming up that you had been praying for since long but you feel nervous taking up because emotional fulfillment somehow feels scary to you. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Take the plunge because it'll lead to you feeling proud and successful of yourself. I also see a peak in finances or you saving up enough to afford something that makes you really happy. If you have pets you'll be spending more time with them or even consider adopting one. You'll start finding joy in the things you used to years back. Hold onto this feeling. For some reason the song, 'Innocence' by Avril Lavigne came through for this pile as well. If you resonate deeply with music, then this song definitely has a message for you.
Picture 3
A mental breakthrough. I see you being assertive and maybe even cut throat with your goals. I also see a lot of you disciplining your mind to the maximum. Correcting any negative thought and assumption. You'll also find yourself emerging victorious no matter what situation you're facing. There's a specific turn of events and fate for you. Fall overall is a significant time for this pile. I see you embracing joy diligently, making new friends and connections and making plans with your loved ones. You have chosen to let your inner child experience everything they have been forced to let go of. Do not dim your own light this month. You were meant to shine. You were meant to stand out. Some of you might also have a significant secret admirer as well. They see you as the break of dawn after a dark and solemn night and want to pretty much make you feel the same it seems. You'll find yourself wanting to relax more and allow things to come to you. Stressing and forcing on the other hand might lead to discord and feeling burnt out. It seems as though you had been fearing the worst but there has been a pleasant change of plans for you. You will be starting a new chapter in your life, you'll be rather stubborn about it too, brainstorming quite a bit, might encounter a few conflicts here and there but nothing good team work can't solve. This will eventually lead you to the version of you that you have in mind.
#free readings#tarot community#divination community#pick a card#pac#pick a picture#September tarotscopes#September pick a card
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The Halloween Party (Lydia Deetz x f!Reader)
Synopsis: Your friend abandons you at a Halloween party. Luckily for you, you find someone far more interesting to spend the night with.
Words: 4k
Warnings: biting, blood, marking, smut, drug use mentioned, hair pulling, rough sex, mentions of alcohol
The lights and the music were overwhelming. With the tight corset binding your waist and the heels on your feet, you were trying not to look as uncomfortable as you felt. You should have never let your friend convince you to come to the party. You certainly shouldnât have let her dress you up in something she deemed sexy before abandoning you with to a bunch of strangers.
You didnât even know whose house you were in.
You perused the snack table, chuckling at the plastic spiders scattered over the bright orange table cloth. Snatching up a handful of chips, you turned, taking in the crowd. Bodies writhed together in time to the music, flashing lights illuminating flashes of skin here, groping hands there. Your cup of red liquid sloshed in your hand as you pushed to the edges of the room, looking for somewhere quieter to perch until you could leave.
The garden was quieter, although hardly empty. Someone had started a small fire, the scent of burning sugar making its way to your nose. Lingering on the outskirts, you curled around it, shivering in the cool air. You were too far for the light and heat to find you, watching the flames flicker between shoulders pressed together and cigarettes being passed from hand to hand. Cloves and smoke and weed, all mixing together with the sharp sweetness of marshmallows burning as they slid off sticks under inattentive cooks.
You lent back against a tree, keeping to the shadows, enjoying the sting of cold air on your bare skin. You tilted your chin up, taking a deep breath that burned your lungs, the stars twinkling high above you, the moon almost new.
âNot your crowd?â
You tried not to show how startled you were. Youâd wrongly assumed you were the only one skulking in the shadows, leaving the revelry for the people who had wanted to be at the party. Turning your head, glancing down, you found a pale face full of flickering shadow, the light from the fire playing over it, still staring at the group of people laughing. Dark hair and darker clothes, if anyone belonged to the night, it was this woman.
âNot particularly,â you replied, keeping your voice steady.
âWhy are you here then?â she asked.
âA friend needed moral support,â you replied, âis this the moment when you tell me this is your party?â
âFuck no,â she laughed, âmy ex thought I needed to get out more.â
âYour ex dragged you to a party?â you asked.
âNo. He agreed to take our daughter for the night so I could come. Itâs my producerâs party,â she replied.
You considered her a moment. She tipped her head back, leaning it against the rough bark of the tree. A flicker of familiarity went through you but you couldnât place from where. Like a half remembered dream youâd had once many years ago.
âSo why are you hiding from everyone?â you asked.
With face half in shadow, her dark eyes found you, leaving you a little breathless. You shifted your weight from one foot to the other, the ache of the heels pinching at your toes more a nuisance than anything else. Even in dark she was undoubtably beautiful.
âWho said Iâm hiding?â she asked.
âYouâre skulking in the shadows. Is there another reason if youâre not hiding?â you asked.
âI suppose not,â she said, her gaze drifting away from you again.
You kept looking down at her, wanting to catch another glimpse of pale skin, dark eyes, lips curling in a scornful smile. She was still staring out at the group by the fire, a guitar having been pulled from seemingly nowhere, the soft chords so discordant with each other. Her nose wrinkled and you had to bite back a laugh. Even her disgruntled expression was compelling.
âWhy arenât you with your friend?â she asked after a few moments of silence.
âWhat?â you asked, blinking back to the moment.
âYou said you came with a friend who needed moral support but now youâre here on your own. What happened?â she asked.
âOh.â You perked up, âthe moral support worked and uh, she abandoned me to go talk to Rick.â
âRick? Why would she want to talk to Rick?â she asked.
âShe called it networking but⌠I dunno. Do you ever get the feeling that someone is speaking the same language as you but with different meanings?â
You shifted your body, turning it towards her, shoulder resting against the tree. Her head rolled towards you, finally looking at you again. It sent a shiver down your spine that had nothing to do with the chilled night air.
âSheâs fucking Rick to increase her chances of being in one of his projects,â she said.
âYeah, which is not how I network but then.â You shrugged, âI donât work in this industry.â
âYou donât?â Her interest in you seemed to increase.
âIâm in tech,â you replied.
Her interest immediately retreated again. A pang of disappointment went through you.
âI write a lot of code. I test firewalls for companies. Like a contractor. I get to hack into peopleâs websites,â you said.
That usually impressed people. Usually being the operative word. She couldnât have cared less.
âSo, I guess I just have to wait around until sheâs done,â you said, hoping that would get a response.
âShouldnât take long,â she snorted.
âDo you⌠do you know that from personal experience?â you asked.
The look she gave you was so full of disgust you reared back. She didnât bother trying to school her features, those eyes sweeping over you with a judgemental eye.
âWhy are you wearing that?â she asked, derision dripping from every word, âI would have expected your friend was hoping youâd be the honey pot in her plan looking like that.â
âOh, uh, I didnât really come with a costume so⌠she dressed me in her clothes for the party,â you said, looking down at your body.
The tight corset nipping in your waist, the short skirt, the lace showing off your skin more than you were used to, you could understand what she meant. Wrapped up so pretty, and without a bow. Youâd had plenty of interested looks as youâd lingered on the outskirts of the crowd. Too bad none of them had enticed you.
And the only one you had was looking at you like you wereâŚ
âWhat are you meant to be?â she asked.
âIâm told Iâm a witch, but we didnât have the hat so I guess itâs a pretty bad costume,â you said, âwhy? What are you meant to be?â
Your eyes lingered on her. She was hardly in anything you recognised.
âNothing. I didnât bother with the costume. My ex is the whiz at all that. I only promised to leave the house for something other than work,â she waved off.
âSo this is just how you normally dress?â you asked, eyes doing another sweep over her body.
âWhy?â she asked in response.
âItâs cool,â you said.
She seemed to not have an answer to that. She settled back against the trunk of the tree, staring out at the group that had moved on to singing off key but enthusiastically. You sighed, slowly sinking down until you were sitting too. Taking the pressure off your toes, you groaned, tugging the shoes off to massage the sole of your foot.
âThose things are death traps,â she said.
âIâm not exactly enjoying any element of this outfit,â you said.
Her low chuckle was only audible because you were sitting right by her.
âAt least it looks good on you,â she said.
âOh.â It appears as if you were forgiven for your misstep, âthanks.â
âIâm sure Rick would prefer I dress more like that,â she said, âI had to compromise in the end.â
âWhy? You look good in what youâre wearing now,â you said.
She turned to look at you, a slow drag of eyes that made you shiver again.
âCall it the misogyny of the entertainment industry, or the creeps who need to want to fuck the woman to pay attention to them, but sex sells,â she said, âI put on the costume and I do the work and I thank them for the opportunity.â
âIt doesnât sound like you like your job that much,â you said.
âIt has its upsides,â she said, offering you a small smile, âI get to be on television.â
âI wouldnât want that. Iâve always felt awkward when a camera is pointed at me,â you said.
She hummed but didnât give you more of an answer. Her eyes were studying you and you let her, giving her the space to stare at you to her heartâs content. You liked the thought of being looked at by this woman.
âYou really donât know who I am, do you?â she eventually said.
âNope.â You popped the p obnoxiously, but smiled to let her know you werenât making fun of her.
âLydia.â
She offered you her hand. You took it, the warmth of her skin almost burning yours. Your name fell from your lips, almost breathless from the feeling of her palm against yours. Her lips quirked up, not quite a smirk, but something approaching it. You couldnât get a read on her, so aloof from the rest of the gathering and yet you had to wonder if she kept away for another reason. People pushing you to go socialise usually meant one of two things. Either you were some kind of hermit who refused to leave the house, or you didnât like going to social gatherings. Which spoke to something else usually. The moment spun out for longer than youâd been expecting.
âYou donât know Ghost House?â she asked, finally letting your hand go.
âSorry,â you said, shrugging, âIâm not much of a television person.â
She made a soft sound and lent back again, slightly closer than you were expecting, her shoulder brushing yours. You tucked your feet underneath you, letting yourself gently tip towards her, wanting more of her touch. With both of your faces turned towards the fire, it was easy to pretend like it was purely a coincidence. That you didnât feel like she was a black hole, drawing you in with little more than a moment of her attention, dark eyes assessing you. Why did you want it to be a positive assessment?
âDo you think they understand how tragic they are?â she asked.
âI think theyâre drunk and high,â you replied.
Her laugh was throaty, raspy, like a ghostly finger stroked along the length of your spine. She rose, not quite as elegant as youâd imagined, and yet your stomach dropped with disappointment.
âAre you coming?â she asked, turning to look at you over her shoulder.
âOh, yeah, sure,â you said, scrabbling to your feet.
You followed her on bare feet, past the tree, further into the shadows of the garden. It opened up farther, more expansive than youâd first thought. She seemed confident in the direction sheâd chosen, striding through the darkness.
âRick likes to think heâs sophisticated because he buys art but he has no eye. After all, he has one of Deliaâs pieces around here somewhere,â she said.
âDelia?â you asked.
âDelia Deetz,â she said, pausing for a moment to let you catch up, âyou really donât know anything about me or my family.â
She seemed pleased by that. You offered her a small smile, feeling better about where this was going now. Any misstep had been passed over, leaving a warmth growing in your stomach.
âIâll show it to you,â she said, reaching out to grasp your hand and tug you behind her.
She wound her way past one statue after another, growing further and further from the lights and sound of the party. The cool night air and the silence was appreciated, exactly what youâd been looking for when youâd slipped outside. Her hand was warm in yours, chasing away the chill that threatened to sink into your bones.
âIsnât it just horrific?â she asked, coming to a stop in front of something you couldnât conceptualise.
It was spiky and abstract and not like anything youâd ever willingly seek out to look at. You titled your head, trying to understand what you were looking at. Nose wrinkling, you shook your head, giving up on trying.
âI know art is subjective but I really donât get this,â you said, âI wouldnât pay money for it.â
A warm hand landed on your cheek, turning your head, chapped lips landing on yours. You gasped, startled, not sure if that was what sheâd meant to do. She pressed closer, more insistent, teeth nipping at your lip until you kissed her back.
Her hands were gripping your cheeks while yours slid around her waist. She was so warm under your touch, so soft, so supple. The way she kissed you was like she was trying to possess you, to own you, and you were willing to give her what she wanted. You hadnât expected this turn of events, your hope nothing but a pipe dream, or so youâd thought.
Her tongue was in your mouth, fingers digging in, rough and harsh and so perfect it made your head spin. You were making small noises, muffled by her mouth, almost begging her for more. It only made her kiss you harder. She tasted of cigarette smoke and sugar, dreams of something dark and dangerous at the edge of the moment.
She dragged you down to the grass, ignoring the damp collecting on the blades in the cold night. She straddled your body, knees either side of your hips, pressing in to keep you pinned underneath her. You whimpered when she trailed her lips over your skin, teeth scraping before sinking in at the junction of your shoulder and your neck. The noise you made was embarrassing in its wantonness. Her tongue soothed over it but you knew there would be a bruise there tomorrow. Or maybe later today. Youâd lost track of time.
Her hands shoved under the skirt of the dress youâd been forced into, nails dragging over the vulnerable skin of your inner thigh. Your legs parted, falling open to give her more access. Her teeth were still making a home on your skin, lips trailing over whatever bare skin they could find. Sinking in at the soft skin over your heart, the flesh of one breast pushed up from the tight corset digging into your ribs. Her name was a gasp before it devolved into a filthy moan.
She shifted, fingers pressing at the throbbing between your legs. Your hips rose, meeting her touch, asking for more. Pushing your underwear to the side, you sighed at the feeling of her hand on you, no barriers in place, nothing but skin against your slick heat.
Pinned in the damp grass, skirt hiked up around your waist, beautiful woman on top of you, your night had significantly improved. Your fingers had found their way into the hair at the nape of her neck, tugging on it as her fingers swept through your folds. Wetness gathered on her fingertip, she was rough on your clit. The high whine from the back of your throat only seemed to spur her on. Her teeth sunk in deeper, right over your heart, a soft growl coming from her.
When her fingers plunged into you, you cried out, arching up into her mouth. She wasnât soft with you, no longer exploring as her fingers thrust into you. Your hips met her hand, a strangled noise coming from your lips when her palm ground against your clit. You were panting, the electricity in your bloodstream all consuming. Youâd never felt more alive than you did, there in the grass, abstract statue looming over the shoulder of the woman with her mouth on your body and her fingers inside you. Clutching at her, you rode her hand as hard as you could.
When your orgasm hit, it rushed over you. Your inner muscles clenched around her fingers, almost strangling them while your fingers tightening in her hair until you were pulling on it. Your hips were pressing up into her, seeking out every drop of pleasure you could find. It had never felt this intense before, this good. You wanted more of it.
âFuck,â she growled into the skin of your neck.
Her hand retracted from between your legs, glistening with your arousal in what little light there was. Her tongue dragged over her skin, cleaning herself up. It was the single hottest thing youâd ever seen, which was saying a lot given what youâd been doing only moments before. Her dark eyes watched you with every lap of her tongue. You felt boneless and fucked and so turned on. Whoever this woman was, whatever her damage was, you wanted more.
Her leg swung around and she sat beside your splayed body. Wiping her hand on her skirt, she stared up at the statue in front of her, menacing in the shadows.
âSorry about that,â she said, âIâm sort of going through something.â
âHey, Iâm not complaining,â you replied, slowly sitting too.
She looked over at you, a smile flirting with her lips.
âI suppose youâre not.â
Her eyes dipped down and something on her face changed. Her hand reached over, hovering before it made contact with your skin.
âSorry about that.â
You looked down, finding a stark bite mark on the skin of your breast. Your thumb wiped away a drop of blood from the wound.
âDonât worry about it,â you said, âit was kind of hot, actually.â
âYouâre being surprisingly calm about this,â she said.
âA beautiful woman just ravished me in a garden. Itâs the stuff dreams are made of,â you said with a small shrug and a smile.
She shook her head but didnât disagree with you. The cool night air washed over you. You shivered. She shuffled closer, arm pressing to yours, her warmth seeping into you. You lent against her.
âSo who is Delia?â you asked, staring at the statue.
âMy step mother,â she replied.
âYou donât like her?â you asked.
âItâs complicated,â she said, âI donât hate her. Itâs justâŚâ
âComplicated,â you said, nodding.
You sat in silence for a while longer. You wanted to reach out, to taste her, to know what she sounded like as she came. You thought she might not want that. Sheâd been so quick to put space between the two of you after your earth shattering orgasm. Even leaning on her, you werenât sure she was completely comfortable with the casual touch.
âYou are alive, right?â she asked after the silence had settled over you.
âWhat?â you laughed.
âJust tell if youâre actually alive or not,â she demanded turning to look at you.
âIâm not like a zombie or a ghost,â you said, still laughing.
The way she was looking at you had the laughter die on your lips. She was serious. Deadly so. You blinked. Her gaze was lingering, open and wide and vulnerable. Your heart clenched.
You grasped her hand, pressing it to your heart. Her palm moulded to the curve of your body as she pressed down. The sting of pain was worth it when her shoulders relaxed at the feeling of your heartbeat.
âSee?â you murmured, âalive.â
She sat there, her hand on your chest, dark eyes watching as your chest expanded with every inhale. You let her, not sure what she was going through but letting yourself be there.
âSorry,â she said, âsometimes it can getâŚâ
âGet?â you prompted when you werenât sure she was going to continue.
âOverwhelming,â she said, âthatâs why I have a show. I can talk to ghosts.â
âOh,â you said, not sure what to make of that, âcool.â
âYouâre not going to tell me Iâm crazy?â she asked.
You considered her for a moment.
âNah. Thereâs enough out there we canât explain that Iâm not willing to dismiss anything yet,â you replied, âitâs not crazy to experience the world differently from me.â
Her hand tightened on your skin, the pain causing a hiss to fall from your lips. She looked down, flipping her palm to find your blood smeared over her skin. She brought it to her mouth, licking your blood away, holding eye contact with you.
A shot of pleasure went right between your thighs.
âYou should probably go find your friend,â she said, ignoring how breathless you were.
âIf sheâs not still busy with Rick,â you said.
âShe wonât be,â she said.
âShe definitely wonât have had as good a time at this party as I have,â you said, smirking over at her.
âCome on.â
She stood, holding out a hand to you. You let her pull you to your feet, staggering into her body. Her fingertips were soft as they brushed over the apple of your cheek, lingering for a moment before putting more space between your bodies.
You followed her back to the party. The singing had only grown louder, the words slurred and indistinct, a wall of noise you werenât interested in. You paused for a moment, scooping up the heels abandoned at the foot of the tree, Lydia lingering with you.
âI think Iâll return home now,â she said, almost absentmindedly, âRichard left candy when he picked up Astrid.â
âPop on a horror movie and relax,â you said with a small laugh.
âExactly.â
Looking at her, you could imagine she would be the exact kind of woman to relax to a good slasher movie. Something about her spoke to the darker side of things, the strange, the unusual. You liked it.
Your friend was in the doorway, staring out at the backyard, eyes searching. They alighted on you, relaxing before a look of surprise passed over her face. As you stepped into the circle of light spilling out of the house, her mouth fell open.
âWhat happened to you?â she asked.
âYou mean after you abandoned me?â you replied, âI made a friend.â
Her eyes dragged from you to Lydia, still at your side for reasons you hadnât yet worked out. Your friendâs eyes widened and she seemed speechless. Not an easy feat, if you were being honest.
âAre you done? Can we go now?â you asked her.
âUh⌠yeah, sure,â she said, still looking to Lydia.
âGreat.â You turned to Lydia, âif you need to work through more shit, come find me.â
âI might just take you up on that,â she said, the corner of her lips curling up in a smile.
You reached out, brushing your fingertips over the apple of her cheek, a mirror image of the softness sheâd shown you earlier. Her hand caught yours, pressing her lips to the centre of your palm before she let you go.
You grasped your friendâs elbow and steered her towards the front door. The house spat you onto a dark driveway, empty and long, the perfect setting for a horror movie ending to the night. After all, youâd sex. That was, like, horror movie 101.
âDid you seriously fuck Lydia Deetz?â your friend asked in a hiss of a whisper.
âWellâŚâ you said, thinking over it.
âYou know sheâs a total con artist, right? She tells people she talks to ghosts,â she said, a judgemental edge to her tone.
âShe told me,â you said.
âAnd you still fucked her?â she asked.
âYeah, I did.â You jutted out your chin, crossing your arms over your chest as you stared at her.
âDidnât know you were into that freaky shit,â she said, eyes trailing down to the wound on your chest.
âHey, I donât judge you for sleeping with some slimy producer. Donât judge me for what I get up to,â you said.
âFine,â she said, âbut youâre not really going to see her again, are you?â
âI hope I do,â you said.
And when the phone rang, you jumped at the chance to help her work through more of her shit.
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We Are and the evolution of Thai BL tropes
The QL discord started a rewatch of My Engineer a few weeks ago, and damn, has it been an interesting experience. At the time I originally watched My Engineer, there was little that stuck out to me, because so much of what happened felt so incredibly common in a lot of the (admittedly rather limited) number of BLs being produced. It felt like pretty standard fare.
But going back and watching it in juxtaposition with We Are airing has been so fascinating. This genre has been evolving, y'all.
As much as we all joke about always getting more university BLs, there is something to be said for a format that can be used as something of a metric for the genre. And though there's only four years between My Engineer and We Are, seeing them both at once gives me such an incredible appreciation for the direction the genre is going in, the impact of having more queer voices involved in the creation of QLs, and how there's a lot of good we can find in seemingly simple spaces.
Obligatory disclaimer: This is just my perspective and subjective interpretation of what I have seen as a BL viewer of some time; also I don't have time to go in and do a university deep dive, so this isn't a real analysis, but more of a brief writeup of observations.
Trends are not black and white, of course, there is a spectrum. I'm sure we'll suffer through more Dinosaur Loves. At the same time, having such predominant production companies as GMMTV putting effort into hiring queer creatives and subverting old cliche tropes is an encouraging thing. (Especially as they were the creators of the original university trendsetting BL with Sotus).
Note: For newer QL viewers, I highly recommend @absolutebl for brushing up on trope history. For university BLs in particular, this post and this post are great starting primers.
Let's talk tropes!
Ok, one more note - some tropes are being what I would consider subverted, some more adapted to a newer framework, and some just played with - I'm going to talk about how they appear to me, but I'm not going to be super pedantic over it, because this is just for fun.
Trope: Bullying/hazing behavior
This did not age well in My Engineer, and I would guess hasn't aged well in a number of BLs (and other media, because the whole "he's mean to you because he likes you" bullshit has been around forever). Not just because the behavior was shitty, but because it was played off in the script as cute, and implied that it was completely justified for the seme to do whatever he wanted in his pursuit of his uke.
(There was also quite a strong tone of internalized homophobia, with the lead feeling more comfortable in expressing his interest through harassment than honest emotion, but the show never actually engaged with that in any meaningful way.)
We Are sets up a very traditional enemies to lovers/bullying start to the story, with Phum taking advantage of Peem's economic situation to make him his "slave".
And yet... there's some important elements here that make this more than the standard use of the trope.
Phum keeps it pretty light in his bullying behavior, and clearly is using it more to keep Peem around as company, versus the kind of bullying in My Engineer, where Duen is literally hit by a car, and yet still expected to keep jumping to Bohn's whims.
As soon as Phum realizes he really upset Peem by leaving him waiting at the mall, he genuinely feels awful about it. It's clear that his intent is not to cause harm, and that he has a conscience. He wrestles with his feelings on it quite a bit, and it ends up being the thing that gets Phum to finally express an honest emotion with Peem.
And most importantly, the script does not let him off the hook. His behavior is bad, and is identified as such by the writing. Peem pushes back and is shown to be right to do so, Beer openly says he disapproves.
So instead of a cliche story beat that's used just to start the action, or a seme who's allowed to do whatever he wants because "passion" (blech), we're seeing it used for characterization, giving us important beats about who both Phum and Peem are in how they engage with each other through the use of the trope.
Trope: Obsessive/jealous behavior
Oh, this one was painful in My Engineer. Duen couldn't even talk to another human being without Bohn getting jealous and angry and dragging him away.
Phum gets jealous, particularly around Kluen, but what makes it feel so subversive here are two key things.
Phum's jealousy has a purpose here, it's not just for drama's sake. It's not the cliche seme doing whatever he wants and being treated as justified. It's deliberately being used to explore his insecurities, and give him a challenge to overcome. Phum doesn't stomp over and drag Peem away, he retreats, he hides. When his jealousy causes him to lash out at Peem, he is immediately aware he fucked up.
And again, the script is making it clear that this behavior is not ok. Peem chides Phum when he acts unkind to Kluen, and Beer makes it clear that the solution is not petty behavior, but actually figuring out a way to communicate his feelings with Peem before he misses his chance. This is portrayed as a barrier for Phum to overcome in order to be with Peem, not an expected part of a romantic relationship.
Trope: Friendship group
There are not enough words to express how much I love the friendship group in We Are. To be fair, this is one of the better historical tropes. We've gotten a lot of amazing friend groups, even in mediocre BLs.
But it's still different in We Are, for one simple reason. In most university BLs, the friend group is a supporting structure. But here?
The story lines may be about the romance, but the point of We Are is the friendship.
I will die on this hill, y'all.
I don't have enough time to go into it fully here, but this show is a love letter to friends. It's a tribute to finding the people who see the real you and have your back unconditionally. Who cheer your successes and commiserate over your defeats, who pick you up when the world knocks you down, who call you out when you make mistakes, and push you to be better.
And romance is lovely, but all of these budding relationships are about being friends first, and then lovers, because that friendship is just as important as everything else, if not more.
Trope: Pink milk
Lol, ok, kinda kidding, kinda not. I know we all got mad over the drink wastage, but also check out these visuals - it's about diversity baby!!
TanFang speed round
My two little trope-busting bebes. These two are already so beautifully non-traditional in their composition, but I love how frequently they are used to make fun of and play with tropes just on their own.
Introduced as pining crush/friend's older brother pair, but actually secret enemies to lovers.
Grumpy/sunshine pairing, where the sunshine used to be a fighter, and grumpy smiles when he thinks no one is watching.
Wound-tending where they keep poking each other instead of acting soft.
Openly mocking the jealous boyfriend trope.
Setting up the possessive trope when Tan doesn't pick up Fang's calls, only to immediately have Fang question if he's being unreasonable.
Setting up their own cute eating scene for kicks.
"First time" sex scene making it clear this is anything but their first time.
Tan holding Fang down in the cliche possessive pose, only for Fang to take the agency of kissing Tan. (And overall saying eff off at the cliche top/bottom roles old BLs were such a fan of).
In Summary
I'm sure there are more tropes that will come to me, and we do still have 5 episodes left of We Are, so there are some potential trope uses that I am keeping an eye on. This is by no means an all-inclusive list.
But I wanted to write this, because I was genuinely shocked to realize how different my My Engineer watching experience was this time compared to my first time. How over the last few years I'd come to expect more thoughtfulness in my QL media, even in the ones that seem shallow on the surface.
Considering how fast and furious the QLs are coming these days, it's easy to forget how recent it was that we were much more starved of content. And I think sometimes we forget to take in the big picture, of how far we've come in just a few years.
Critique is always going to be important, of course, it's part of what helps us make progress. At the same time, it doesn't hurt to take a moment to look around and see some good in where we are.
@sailorbryant thanks for the push to get this written! Feel free to add thoughts!
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đ đđđđđđ đđđđđđđ
Pairing: Trueform!Sukuna x f!Reader
Summary: Your husband usually calls for you to join him during his bath.
Warnings: MDNI, mentions of Sukuna killing people, rough pregnancy, Sukuna being fluffy (so slightly ooc), reader is mean to Sukuna
Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi
Ever since you shared the news of your pregnancy with your husband, Sukuna has become more loving. The man whoâd talk to you however he wanted, now makes sure to soften his voice when talking to you. He wants to see you every hour of the day, even when you donât want to see him. Sukuna is seeing how youâre struggling with your pregnancy, and he wants to check up on you constantly.
Youâre not too far along that you both know of, yet youâre huge. He grows worried that his selfish want of a child will cause you harm. Thereâs one person that Sukuna would die for, and itâs you. If something were to happen to you because of himself then heâdâ He doesnât want to think of it.
Lately heâs been asking to take baths with you. At the end of the day, a servant walks into your chambers and informs you, âLord Sukuna requests for you to join him in his bath, mistress.â
She bows her head to not look at you, scared that sheâll end up like the last servant that dared to look you in the eye. It was Sukunaâs doing because how dare someone look his wife in the eye? You sigh before telling her, âIâll be there in a second.âÂ
She stands in the entrance of your room, given orders to not leave without you. Sure, Sukuna requests to see you but itâs an order from him. You donât have much of an option.Â
You follow behind her, and she excuses herself when youâre finally with him. Sukuna lays comfortably in the water, patiently waiting for you to get undressed and join him in the water. He watches as you take off all your garments and walk over to him when youâre completely bare.Â
âYou need to start leaving me alone, youâre starting to annoy me.â You tell him as you get in the water. Sukuna chuckles, finding it amusing how youâve completely stopped fearing him. One of his hands caresses you from your breasts to your bump, resting there.
âNow, why are you getting mad at me? I thought you wanted a loving husband?â Sukuna comments, kissing the top of your head. Your hand rests on top of his, lightly squeezing it.
âI wanted one before he got me pregnant. I swear I must be carrying twinsâ Or the baby also has four arms. I donât know, Iâm just miserable.â You confess, and Sukuna kisses the top of your head again. He really shouldnât have expected it to be any different. Sukunaâs huge, why would his baby be any different?
âItâs just one and done then?â He asks, and you hum in response. Maybe your answer will be different in a few years, but for now itâs that. He feels a tug on his heartstrings, seeing how much youâre struggling. Heâs worried. âAre you holding up okay, though?â
âNot like we could do anything if I wasnât.â You answer. Heâs definitely much softer than your usual husband, and you wouldâve loved it if you werenât carrying a monster child. His hand remains on your stomach, and he feels as his baby kicks while you moan in pain. Sukuna shushes you, feeling as his baby moves.
âIâm trying to feel him! Shut up, woman!â He raises his voice, and you slightly turn to glare at him. A look that would surely kill you if you were anyone else.
âHow does me making noise correlate with you feeling the baby! Think, Sukuna! Use your fucking brain.â Youâre definitely bolder than usual, which makes him laugh.Â
âYouâre so beautiful when youâre yelling at me.â He says, grabbing your hand and bringing it up to his lips so he can kiss it. âI love seeing you demanding and mean. It shows the effect I have on you.â
âReally?â You answer, and he hums in response. Thereâs no better time to bring up whatâs been bugging you than now. âI hate that new servant you took in. Kick her out.â
âAnd why is that?â He asks.Â
âShe was looking at you funny.â You respond.
âIn the sense?â
âShe has the hots for you, and I donât like it.â
âHmm⌠What if I was looking forââ He begins and you glare at him. He doesnât have much of a sense of humor, but he guesses thatâs something thatâs off limits when he tries to joke. âDonât you want me to do more?â
âLike what?â You question, even though you should know your husband better than anyone.
âKill her.â He answers.Â
âHmm⌠Up to you.â You reply. You lay comfortably on his chest, feeling as his finger traces lazy circles on your belly. You change the topic, âWhy do you think itâs a boy?â
âI canât see myself with a daughter.â
#ryomen sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna#sukuna ryomen#jujutsu kaisen sukuna#jjk sukuna#jujutsu sukuna#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna fluff
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The Nut Cracked
Summary: Sebastian Sallow doesn't understand muggle holiday traditions. But this one, he could get on top of.
OR, a spoof of 'The Nutcracker', but make it feral.
NSFW. ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+. MINORS DNI.
AO3/Wattpad
3k words. Written for a NSFW discord server event: The Naughty List.
This is NOT canon to the 'Secrets' universe hahaha or is it
Tags: Explicit sexual content, objectophilia if you squint, seventh year, orgasm denial, Sebastian has blue balls and doesn't know how to handle it
Sebastian didn't understand muggle holiday traditions.
The brightly decorated Ravenclaw girl presented him with a small parcel that he had initially been excited to unwrap. But, as much as he loved seeing the look on Elsie's face as she handed it to him, he couldn't understand why, out of all the gifts she could have chosen, she had picked out an odd-looking wooden doll.
"It's a nutcracker!" She beamed. "My parents can never be bothered to figure out what to get me or my siblings, so they usually send us a whole slew of stuff."
"And...you saw an old man doll and it reminded you of me?" Sebastian turned it around in his hands questioningly. He tried his hardest to seem grateful, but truthfully, he was utterly confused.
She scoffed. "It's not an old man doll. It's a traditional gift that originated in Germany to ward off evil spirits and â"
"Evil spirits?" He laughed. "The only evil spirit we have to worry about during this time of year is Peeves."
"Well, if you don't want it â"
He abruptly yanked his arm away from her and held the wooden figure closer to himself. "I never said I didn't want it. I just think it could be more...appealing."
She tilted her head, her brows furrowed in confusion. "How so?"
Sebastian grinned slyly and picked up his wand, waving it in front of the nutcracker and transfiguring it to look like a girl with wavy, dark hair and freckles dusted along her nose and cheeks. He held it up proudly. "There. Much prettier to look at."
He was met with an eye roll as she stood from the couch and stretched. "If you say so."
Sebastian hadn't been particularly secretive about his feelings for Elsie in recent months. In fact, he thought he was being blatantly obvious, doing everything short of outright telling her due to her relationship status being a bit complicated. Even so, he did his best to hide his irritation every time she brushed off another one of his comments as a sarcastic quip.
It certainly hadn't helped that the other day, she had trudged back from another one of her adventures in the Highlands sopping wet from the snow, the already thin material of her blouse nearly transparent as it clung tightly to her form, her nipples peaked from the cold. He had spent half of the night restless, the other half with his hand wrapped around his cock every time the tantalizing image replayed itself in his mind.
The castle was nearly empty as the two of them spent Christmas at Hogwarts together, and all he could focus on was how frustrated he had felt.
"I should turn in for the night," Elsie sighed, glancing at the time. "I promised Lydia that we would still leave milk and cookies out for Father Christmas. She's very adamant about keeping to tradition."
Sebastian bit the inside of his cheek as he forced himself not to beg her to stay with him for the night. It wasn't like the prefects or professors cared to parade the halls during the holiday with so many students gone. But she likely didn't see him that way. His streak of terrible luck would have him falling for someone he couldn't have.
"Alright," he murmured, hiding the disappointment in his tone. He held up the wooden doll. "Thanks for the, uh...gift?"
She grinned. "Have no fear. We'll exchange our actual gifts tomorrow. But," she tapped the nutcracker's brunette head, "I suppose now, you'll have the nutcracker version of me to help keep you safe."
Sebastian's eyes followed the sway of her hips as she headed toward the gate of the Undercroft. He quickly averted them when she turned back to look at him. "Happy Christmas, Sebastian. See you tomorrow?"
He nodded. "Yeah, see you. Happy Christmas."
She gave him one last soft smile, and the gate clanged shut behind her. Sebastian sighed. Guess I ought to head back to my common room for the evening. He grabbed the tiny doll and sauntered back to his dorm, feeling even more tense than he had been hours before.
It was going to be a long two weeks.
~
Sebastian awoke the next morning, exhaustion creeping in. He needed to get control of his thoughts before he â
"Good morning!"
A light, feminine voice chirped at him from his bedside. The rest of the dorm room was noticeably empty â Sebastian assumed Ominis had left for breakfast early, not wanting to wait while he slept in.
It still didn't explain why Elsie was standing by his bed on Christmas morning. She would never sneak into the Slytherin common room without good reason, let alone his bedroom, even with how often he had teased and prodded her to spend time with him there.
He rubbed his face, his eyes still bleary. "Elsie? What are you â"
The words died in his throat once he finally took a proper look at her. She was smiling coyly at him, her raven hair free and cascading down her back. But what surprised him the most wasn't the expression on her face or the loose, dark strands that curled along her freckled, pink cheeks. It was what she was wearing.
Instead of a Christmas jumper, like she had promised she would have on, Elsie donned the bright red uniform reminiscent of the nutcracker she had gifted him the night prior. It was loose on her small form, barely hanging on to her shoulders, and short enough that it hardly covered the creamy skin of her thighs. He knew he should look away, or at least tell her that she was far too exposed for her liking.
"You're uh..." He cleared his throat. "What...what are you wearing?"
"Oh, this?" She playfully slid the top further down her shoulders. His hungry gaze followed the line down her collarbone and towards the curve of her breasts.
This wasn't like Elsie at all. The girl he knew wouldn't have been dressed like this in his presence, especially because they hadn't so much as kissed yet. She would be flustered, finding anything she could to cover herself up, and likely avoiding him afterward for days out of sheer humiliation.
"Why so shy?" She asked. It was definitely her voice but with a sultry tone. "This is what you wanted, isn't it?"
Sebastian swallowed. How could she have known that? "W-what do you mean?"
Elsie shrugged. "You made me. I heard your wish, and I'm here to grant it."
He blinked. Made?! "If this is some sort of muggle holiday prank, Elsie, it's really not funny."
She chuckled and sat next to him on the bed, draping an arm over his bare chest, and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "It's not. I'm your nutcracker, silly."
Oh. Oh.
The nutcracker he had mindlessly transfigured last night to look like Elsie had somehow become sentient. And now, Elsie, or at least a perfect copy of her, was practically on top of him, half-naked and promiscuously alluring. It was something he had only dreamed about in the darkest hours of the night, alone in his bed with a silencing charm cast over him.
His thoughts were racing wildly as he drank in the sight of her. She was close enough now and leaning in at just the right angle that he could see entirely down her top, and his breath caught in his throat as he realized that, underneath, she was completely bare. He shifted on the bed as he felt his erection press tightly against his pajama bottoms, quickly losing any scrap of restraint he had left, which hadn't been much to begin with. This was wrong, wasn't it? He couldn't deny how badly he had wanted this â wanted it for months now.
Moments later, her lips and tongue were tracing a hot trail of kisses along his neck, and as she lightly grazed his pulse point with her teeth, the last thread of his control snapped.
In one swift move, he took her face in his hands and fiercely captured her lips with his own, the sensation nearly enough to send him over the edge. Months of pining - of gentle, innocent touches and cuddles that the real Elsie had naively passed off as what two good friends would share - had made him ache with need.
For an imitation, the nutcracker-Elsie felt wonderfully authentic.
His fingers snaked in her hair and tugged lightly, eliciting a soft moan from her that had him shivering. Realistically, had it been their true first experience together, he would have wanted to savor every moment, taking his time as he mapped out every sensitive plane and curve of her body that would make her writhe with pleasure underneath his touch.
But, since this was his Christmas wish, he was going to be self-indulgent and take exactly what he wanted, just as he had imagined doing for so long.
A soft brush of her hand against his very hard and throbbing erection nearly sent him into a frenzy, and he let out a mewl so pathetic he would have been embarrassed had he not felt so ridiculously desperate. His hands scrambled to tear the baggy nutcracker uniform off of her, and as he ran his hand along her inner thigh and traced his fingers along her core, he realized without a doubt that she was soaking. For him.
Happy fucking Christmas to me.
Sebastian groaned as he practically dragged her into his bed and flipped her onto her back. His body vibrated with anticipation when her fingers tugged at his pajama bottoms and yanked them down abruptly. His cock sprang free, already aching with desire, and he melted into a moaning mess when she wrapped her silken hand around him and stroked.
"F-fuck...so good, Elsie â" The way she held him, so expertly gentle and firm at the same time, was better than even his wildest imaginations could conjure. His hips bucked into her touch while he stared down at her through hooded lids, understanding that he needed to take every second to memorize her body in case he never had an opportunity like this again.
Her face was flushed, the smattering of freckles along her nose and cheeks standing out, just the way he liked to see them â one of the reasons he would purposely try to make her blush. His hands followed his gaze as it traveled further down, past her parted pink lips and onto her voluptuous breasts, and he couldn't help but lean forward and take one of her pert nipples into his mouth.
Elsie's sighs and moans as he swirled his tongue around it were music to his ears. He reached out with one hand to cup her other breast while his other slid between her legs once more and lightly circled her clit with his thumb while he pumped two fingers inside of her. The sounds she emitted were delightfully sinful, and he decided that he didn't want to wait any longer. He had waited long enough, trying his damndest to be a gentleman all this time and letting the real Elsie take whatever their relationship was at her own pace.
He had earned this. It was bloody Christmas, and she was his present, and he fucking deserved it.
Sebastian slotted himself between her thighs and pulled back to look at her again. The unbridled need on her face mirrored his own, and he momentarily wondered if he should have spent more time making sure she was ready for him before taking her. After all, if it were the real Elsie, he would have made sure she felt good and reached her release many, many times before he had even attempted to fuck her.
All reason and logic flew out of his brain as he fitted the sensitive head of his cock at her entrance, her slick coating him completely. The needy cry that she let out at the feel of him was all the encouragement he needed to know that she was as desperate for him as he was for her.
"S-Sebastian," she moaned, the sound so erotic he hadn't thought it possible for it to have come from her. "Please â please fuck me. I â need...inside me â please."
Elsie begging. As if he couldn't come undone anymore.
"Anything for you, Princess."
With one abrupt motion, he pushed his hips flush against hers, sliding inside her easily and simultaneously letting out a disgustingly pitiful whimper. He was internally grateful that Ominis had decided to go to breakfast early â he would never have let him live down the sheer humiliation of the chorus of wanting coming from his lips.
Though the doll had been made of wood only moments before, the tight heat of her cunt felt very, very real. It was her body, her silken skin under his fingers, her normally elegant hair mussed and tangled against his bedsheets, and, best of all, her voice crying out his name as he fucked her relentlessly.
"S-Sebastian! Don't â don't stop!"
The high-pitched squeals she refused to hold back egged him on further as he roughly snapped his hips against hers, releasing a low growl as her legs wrapped tightly around him and pulled him deeper into her. The heady scent of her filled his nostrils â the distinct smell of vanilla and jasmine that had so often intoxicated him now enveloped him, and he tucked his head into the crook of her neck to allow himself to be consumed by it.
"Fuck, Elsie. I'm so fucking close."
It was happening too quickly, his release approaching dangerously faster than he would have preferred had this been the real Elsie. He teetered on the precipice of wanting to slow down and make it last longer, to enjoy every sound and feel of her as much as possible, or rewarding himself with what he had been dying to have for so long.
Fuck it â it was Christmas.
She dug her fingernails into his back and muttered a terrifyingly incoherent string of expletives in his ear, but somewhere within them, she was encouraging him to let go.
He was right there, so bloody close now â only a few more thrusts as he selfishly chased down the reality that she was finally, finally his.
"Sebastian!"Â Yes. Say my name again.
"Sebastian, please!" Just like that, almost there â
"Sebastian, wake up!"
Sebastian's eyes flew open as he sat up abruptly, blinking furiously in an attempt to gather where exactly he was.
Elsie, fully clothed in a Christmas jumper and trousers, her hair in its normal, elegant plait, stared at him from the side of the Undercroft couch, her brows furrowed in concern.
"Are you alright?" She asked worriedly, and her hand softly stroking his arm was almost enough to drag another pathetic groan from his throat. "You were making all these noises in your sleep. It sounded like you were having a nightmare."
Sebastian rubbed his face as reality came crashing down on him like a bucket of ice water. He had been too tired to head back to his common room last night and had fallen asleep in the Undercroft after Elsie had left.
As if to confirm his misfortune, the nutcracker she had gifted him was gingerly tucked under the crook of his arm, still transfigured to look like the girl who currently stood in front of him eyeing him curiously.
He would have laughed at the idea that she referred to his wet dream as a goddamn nightmare had he not still been so fucking hard, left to wrestle with the infuriating ache of incompletion.
Sebastian cleared his throat and muttered a thank Merlin to his last night's self that he had thought to cover himself with a blanket, lest she be subjected to his current state when she had only been trying to check on him and make sure he was okay.
"Uh, yeah. A nightmare," he grumbled, lowering his gaze to hide the heat that was beginning to creep up his neck and along his cheeks. "That's all. M'fine now."
She raised an eyebrow skeptically, and he knew she had good reasons to wonder if he was telling the truth â especially considering he could barely look at her. Not without imagining all of the unholy acts that his dream self had been moments away from â
"I guess the nutcracker didn't help ward off the evil spirits after all," she teased.
The nutcracker. His face reddened further at the memory of Elsie's desperate cries that would forever be branded into his memory.
"Are you sure you're okay?" She reached out to brush her hand along his forehead. "You're looking a bit flushed â"
He smacked her hand away, one touch further from losing himself right in front of her. "I-I'm fine! Just...got a bit warm down here, is all."
It was a blatantly obvious lie, considering he had slept in the Undercroft, which was always perpetually cold. Thankfully, she didn't question him further.
"Well, if you're alright, then get up soon," Elsie said, interrupting his immensely impure thoughts as she turned on her heel to leave. "Ominis is meeting with us outside the Great Hall to exchange gifts." She wagged a finger at him in mock warning, the sly smile on her face reminding him all too much of his dream, and he suppressed another shudder. "And don't be late. A bad back from sleeping on the couch is not a good enough excuse to miss Christmas."
He only offered a curt nod in response.
When the sounds of her footsteps receded, Sebastian flopped back on the couch, once again left alone with his miserable frustrations. The 'Elsie' nutcracker still lay on the couch next to him as if to taunt him, reminding him of what he had been so close to enjoying and what he could never have. He angrily batted it to the floor before grabbing one of the cushions, bringing it to his face, and smothering a mortified, unending scream.
Happy fucking Christmas to me.
#*hides forever*#I had this posted on AO3 and Wattpad for a while#but I could never work up the nerve to post it here#so uhhhh#I'm so sorry#stay feral everyone#hogwarts legacy#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#sebastian sallow x fmc#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow smut#elsie corvin#hogwarts legacy fanfiction#hogwarts legacy fandom#hogwarts legacy fanfic#smut oneshot
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