#i have been invested (maybe too much) for over a year and now idk where to go

[rosepetalsthings]

.

[eggcats]

"people are mad that that artists wanted to be paid" no, people are mad that they HAD places of revenue they could have invested in and instead decided to fuck everyone over and piss off their fans who have been there since the buzzfeed days

(+ the only reason they're now saying they're not pulling content is BECAUSE of the backlash, and this isn't even going into how any growth is now impossible if it's their own platform, they are NOT big enough or produce enough content for this)

like, apparently they have a patreon? have never heard of it. absolutely no advertisement on it, when PLENTY of people would subscribe if they plugged it at ALL (like, fans love bts content, early episodes, extra/uncut stuff, having their names be credited at the end, a discord, etc) but I've never heard of it, and according to people who have subscribed, they didn't find it worth their money (not an ideal baseline for their own service)

they have merch? make more and better quality/nicer designs (or just fun quotes! so much of my stuff from their buzzfeed days is just shane quotes, but the only stuff I've bought from them now is their jackets and the professor doll, nothing else. I've looked at their catalog, it's ugly. put a funny quote on a shirt and I'll buy it guys, it's not that hard)

a youtube membership for similar stuff to the patreon, yt livestreams, USE THE PLATFORM YOURE ON MAYBE???

explicitly asking fans to turn off adblock for them on their videos

but, like, I am absolutely not paying $60 just for like 1-2 shows that only get like 4 episodes a year. they do NOT have the content for this on their own (and why tf do they have 25+ employees???? bro what) - not to mention, the inaccessibility the new platform and ability for non US based fans to even subscribe

people watch bc of the dynamic between Shane and Ryan, some of my favorite episodes are ones where we get the random text on screen- nothing fancy

tbh I get what they want but it's been my opinion that too much of their stuff that I watch has become a) formuliac and b) overproduced without much to show (imo mystery files comes to mind, it's Fine but I only enjoyed the banter vs all the unnecessary visuals, the same with ghost files)

I've seen people mention how expensive just the ghost hunting stuff is, and like yeah, maybe stop buying that big fancy brandname equipment without and instead ask for sponsors to advertise your stuff, all that stuff is nonsense anyway so it's not like you're lying about like betterhelp or something

and idk, maybe having a show where you apparently eat gold and caviar isn't the best if you're struggling with money (esp bc who watches it? not me)

what they need is someone who actually knows anything as their ceo, having less than half the staff they do, and investing in the avenues they already have with SOME pay walled content (not all), and maybe learn how to actually produce their shows without bleeding themselves dry bc the fans watch for THEM not the "production value"

[underdark-dreams]

Hey idk if you only write Tav x character but I am STARVED!!! Starved I say! For Karach x Dammon content. It just makes so much sense and as someone who remained platonic with Karlach I still wanted her to get some action and seeing how Dammon was RIGHT! FUCKING! THERE! It makes sense that they could maybe hook up and he’s been invested in helping her too and huuuuuuuUUUUUUUUH.

I know you like writing about them tieflings so if eventually if you are able you could write the two of them going at it like the touch starved babies they both are (Karlach for obvious reasons and Dammon bc he’s probably focused on his work most of the time).

I’m still shook over your Rolan x Tav fanfic you wrote and I can’t wait to see what you write in the future!

Dammon x Karlach [Explicit]

Touchable

"Damn I'm good. And you, you're...very touchable." An infernal blacksmith and a Blood War veteran walk into a bar. Who would have guessed that Dammon is a natural when it comes to handling fire?

Tags: Explicit Sexual Content, Gentle Angst, Sweet/Hot

Word Count: 3,460 [Read on AO3]

“Of course, you’ll need to install it yourself.”

"Of course, of course—can’t touch the giant flaming woman," Karlach grinned at him. 

Dammon often noticed that Karlach smiled when things made her sad. He remembered the moment well, remembered each time he'd been given an opportunity to help tune that engine of hers.

Their most recent conversation stuck out with particular pain in his mind.

He'd spent many late nights burning the candles down in his room as he sketched and diagrammed and theorized. No matter how many sheets of parchment he filled, Dammon kept arriving at the same awful conclusion.

Even with his niche skills, he was all out of options for Karlach. She could either return to the sustaining fires of Avernus, or live on this plane however long she could manage before her engine was snuffed out.

Dammon couldn't even calculate whether she had years left or only months. Somehow, that made it so much more terrible.

Karlach took the news with superhuman optimism, the way she approached most things. She thanked him with tears in her eyes for at least giving her back the chance to touch and be touched. For that, her first hug in ten years was his. 

Hopefully it wouldn't be the last, Dammon found himself thinking, as her warm body pressed up firmly against him. She wasn't the only one who was long overdue for some physical affection.

Dammon had always thought of her now and then as he worked in his forge. Usually it was idle and passing, wondering whether her infernal parts were giving her any trouble. 

But lately, it was hard to shake her from his mind at all. Had she found someone to finally take to bed yet? Surely so, with how many years she'd be confined to unwilling celibacy. 

It embarrassed him to admit, but he fervently wished it could've been him. He wasn't much more than a humble smith, and she was practically the city’s hero at this point. How many times had she saved his own life? He'd lost track.

All these thoughts ran through Dammon's mind from where he sat at the bar of the Blushing Mermaid. As he surfaced from his reflection, the din and noise of the place pressed against his ears again.

Not as reputable as the Elfsong, perhaps, but it was closer to his forge. And it was easier to be left to yourself when all the other patrons were already piss-drunk.

"Hey, soldier!"

A friendly hand clapped his back, causing Dammon to nearly choke on his pint as Karlach slid into the seat beside him.

"Sorry," she said with a grimace, but her eyes were sparkling. "Gods, am I glad to see you."

Dammon wiped his mouth in surprise as she swung her very large mug up on the table. "You too, Karlach," he said with a genuine smile. It was like the very strength of his thoughts had conjured her. She looked better than ever.

"I didn't expect to see you here," he admitted. "I thought you'd be out enjoying the new you."

"Fucking someone's brains out, you mean?" Karlach finished for him. Dammon found her bluntness unbelievably attractive.

"To be honest that's why I'm here," she admitted, and rubbed her neck with a hand. "Camp's a bit awkward at the moment. I may have made a pass at Wyll that wasn't, er…enthusiastically received. Think I scared him off a bit," she finished ruefully.

Very much Wyll's loss, Dammon thought to himself. What he wouldn't give.

"Well, you picked the right place for drowning sorrows," he told her aloud. As if on cue, there was a loud chorus of booing as an empty glass went hurtling across the room to land on the low stage, where the half-orc lute player promptly lobbed it back into the crowd with a shattering crash. Dammon raised his arm out in demonstration of his point; Karlach was already cracking up.

"Fucking missed this city," she laughed, wiping a tear of mirth from her eye. They each took a generous drink of ale.

But Karlach wasn't distracted for long. "I just wish, you know?" She sighed. "I wish I could be with someone who understands a little bit. Sex is fabulous on its own, but I want everything, all of it."

"What's stopping you?" Dammon asked her, wondering what it would take for her to see him as a very viable option.

"So many things," she said. "I appreciate what you've done for me Dammon, please believe that I do, but…I still feel more machine than Karlach." 

"I'm pretty handy with mechanics, you know." Dammon was flirting with her despite himself. He couldn't help it; she was so radiant and lovely as she sat there close beside him.

Karlach finally glanced over at him, and he saw in her eyes that she'd caught it. 

"You must know I like you," she said, her voice low but intense. "Dammon, I like you so much. But you're so lovely, and I'm—" She gestured a hand down her front. "—This. Wild, unstable. What if I end up, I don't know, hurting you somehow?” She looked at him with a pained expression. “A guy like you deserves someone tender, and I'm not sure that's me."

All traces of joking were gone; the air between them had grown serious in a second. Dammon's heart thrummed strong against his ribs, and he reached for her fingers before he could stop himself.

"Maybe forget what you think I deserve, and listen to what I’m saying." He shook his head at her. "Karlach, you talk like you're some kind of monster. So you've got an infernal engine in your chest. And sure, you're tall as hell. But I mean, you've got plenty of—you're not short on any of the—" He was casting around for a gentlemanly way to describe her curves and realizing that it probably didn’t exist.

"Spit it out," Karlach teased him. But her expectant expression made his face grow warm.

"I just wish you wouldn't talk down about yourself like that," Dammon explained. "You're very womanly, and plenty desirable."

"Oh," she said, taken aback. Her free hand fiddled with the handle of her mug. "That's…no one's ever said something like that to me before."

What a damn shame that was. Dammon watched the doubt and confusion work over her features. How long had she thought of herself as nothing more than a tin soldier? He'd fixed what parts of her his hands could tend, but something in the way she saw herself was still broken. 

Dammon squeezed her fingers under his. "Karlach, there's so much about you to love. That I love. You are…an incredibly beautiful woman. Don't you know that?"

Karlach stared at him with wide eyes; her face looked somehow younger and softer. For a person so sure of everyone else's worth, she seemed so blind and unsure of her own.

"I am?" She asked, so quietly it broke his heart a little.

Dammon could only think of answering with a kiss. He leaned in with a careful tilt of the head, eyes on her mouth—in the last second he was elated to feel her lean forward to close the distance.

He would've honestly, truly believed that there were sparks between them. There was the fiery warmth of her skin, but Dammon also felt a tingling jolt between their lips that had nothing to do with her heat. His insides sung at the feeling of her lips moving over his with just as much urgency as he felt.

Dammon pulled her face deeper to him with a hand at the back of her neck. As his tongue explored her mouth and sought hers, he felt one of Karlach’s palms rest against his thigh. He could have choked on the desire that rose in his throat at her touch.

They both pulled away at the same instant.

"Your place?" She prompted, breathless.

"Mine," Dammon agreed. It was only a few minutes away, and though his bed was cramped even for one, he expected they wouldn't be sleeping much.

Dammon dumped some coin on the bar in a rush before they made their way outside. The cool breeze through the streets made him realize just how flushed and heated his skin was. His arm sought Karlach's waist beside him as they walked, and a thrill went through him at how lovely it was to finally hold her close. She seemed to feel the same.

"Gods, I can't wait to ride you," she said huskily. Dammon tried to keep a grip on his composure; her brazen eagerness made it very difficult. He settled for pulling her into a quick, heated kiss as they continued on. 

The two of them practically stumbled over the dark cobblestones of the entryway in their haze, both buzzing with impatience and expectation. By the time his nervous fingers had finally made work of the lock to his quarters, they were on each other before the door had latched behind them.

Karlach's leg hitched up over his hip as she devoured his mouth. Dammon's hand gripped behind her knee at once, holding their bodies steady against each other, kissing her back with sheer years of pent-up enthusiasm.

"You're strong," Karlach said as she surfaced, sounding pleased and surprised at once.

"'I'd hope so, after throwing around that hammer so long."

"You can throw me around." After a pause she added, "That's an invitation."

"I got that," Dammon grinned, absolutely smitten with her, and captured her lips again.

He guided them both toward the far end of his room and tumbled over her when they reached the mattress. His hands grazed the edge of her shirt, desire muddling his understanding of how to undo the many buckles and straps.

She took more pity on him than he deserved. Almost before he could blink she had freed herself of all her clothing, laying back naked before him on his bed. Pale, dim moonlight from the window illuminated her figure.

She was extraordinary.

Dammon quickly tugged his shirt past his snagging horns, wishing to feel her skin against his as soon as possible. Even before his head was free, he felt Karlach’s fingers helping with his pants, tugging them down past his hips and sliding them off onto the floor.

He hovered over her as they gazed at each other. The promise of bare flesh against flesh was almost overwhelming, now they were here. Dammon leaned down to place a tender kiss on her lips and then descended to explore her neck. 

Karlach’s arms clutched him eagerly as he kissed along her soft, warm skin. When he made his way down to her chest, he placed lips tenderly above her breast where the soft ticking of machinery resounded. It may not be a flesh and blood heart, but its rhythm was no less dear to him. She let out a soft, low hum.

Dammon wished he had more patience to linger. But instead he pushed his body down between her thighs, glancing up to check in on her for just a moment. Karlach watched him with a pained expression, lips parted—as if afraid he might not follow through with what his movements suggested. 

He wouldn't be teasing her for one second tonight. Dammon leaned down and ran the warm flat of his tongue up over her center.

His head was jerked slightly to the side as she grabbed at one of his horns with a moan. He didn't break from her, only licked at her steadily, smoothing and spreading her wetness up and over her soft folds. 

Even after all the work he'd done to cool her, she was still molten hot under his tongue—he thanked every god in the universe for his natural resistance. His lips closed firmly over her clit, sucking the spot as his tongue rolled her side to side in an achingly slow rhythm.

"Holy fuck," she panted from somewhere above him. "Holy fuck, Dammon—"

He curled one arm under and around her thigh, used thumb and index finger to spread her better for his mouth. He released his lips’ suction with an obscenely wet sound, replacing it with the circling pad of his thumb. She was delicious, but he sought to taste her deeper.

Dammon's tongue plunged deep into her cunt, so far that his nose pressed against where his fingers worked against her clit. 

Karlach cried out and squirmed violently under his mouth. Dammon's arms held her firm, angling her hips up and open against his searching mouth. His tongue thrust over and over unto her unbelievable heat as he tasted the sweet center of her, felt her satin walls constrict around him with each nudge of his tongue.

By now his own erection pressed painfully into the bed under him. He only shifted a little and continued on. She had so much more time to make up for, and Dammon was determined to be the one to satisfy her.

It wasn't long before Karlach's thighs were trembling against his ears. "Please," she whimpered desperately, nails clutching his hair to hold his face against her, as if begging him not to stop. He wouldn't have dreamed of it. His mouth worked her over with more enthusiasm than ever, swirling and sucking against her hot folds.

When she came around his tongue, the rush of her heat burst against his mouth and gushed out from her core. Dammon thought he might come just from the way her legs clenched desperately to keep his mouth working over her. He lapped up her sweet release faithfully with his tongue, even as his ears took in the far sweeter sounds of her shuddering, gasping moans.

Only once the twitching waves of her climax were receding under his lips did he glance up over her to see her face. 

Karlach’s eyes were closed, an expression of transcendent bliss painting her features. As he watched her pant through parted lips, her eyes opened slightly to look down at him where he still hovered between her thighs. He knew the lower half of his face must be dripping with her climax.

With a guttural sound, Karlach’s legs gripped around his middle to pull him just to where her arms could take over and guide him up over her. Dammon gathered himself just in time to land with palms braced on either side of her.

“Wait—” Dammon started, wishing to clean himself up first, but she was already pulling him into a kiss. She licked across his lips, tasting herself on him, before her tongue demanded entry into his mouth. He yielded more than willingly.

His painfully hard cock grazed her thigh as he moved over her. Karlach groaned into his mouth; the vibration of her lips against his sent yet another rush of blood to his throbbing length.

She broke away with a fresh glint of arousal already building behind her eyes. “Inside,” she directed him. “Right fucking now.”

Dammon needed no more encouragement. With fingers grasping under her back, he firmly lifted her body up and over his lap. The way she landed over him pressed her still-dripping heat against the underside of his cock. A trembling groan escaped him at the sensation. Nevertheless, he gathered himself enough to scoot back against the headboard for support.

Before he could fully prepare himself, Karlach’s hand had guided his tip between her folds. In the next motion, she descended down around his whole length at once.

“Fuck,” Dammon gasped. He wished he could find something more eloquent or romantic to describe the feeling, but his mind was wholly overwhelmed by the fiery warmth that gripped all around his cock. He could even feel her walls still fluttering against him from her recent climax. His fingertips dug into the flesh of her hips.

They crossed glances as she sat still to take him for a moment. Karlach’s eyes shone with desire and excitement, and something almost like love. One of Dammon’s hands slid up along her spine, dipping her neck down, capturing her lips in a tender kiss. He felt his mouth shaking slightly against hers.

“Every time alone, I imagined this,” Karlach breathed against him as they parted. 

Dammon thought he might unravel completely at her words. He leaned back against the hard wood behind him, eyes taking in every beautiful inch of her flesh, inviting her to do whatever she wanted with him.

She accepted the offer wordlessly. As her fingers clasped behind his neck, Karlach rocked her hips up and down over his length. He felt his jaw go slack at the feel of her heat surrounding him, taking him, over and over and over—

Dammon’s grip dug into her hips to add more force with each of her rhythmic thrusts down onto him. He gazed up at her with pure adoration as she took him. The feel of her warm skin against his lit a fire in his chest; his cock throbbed against the hot, squeezing silk of her walls.

“You’re so beautiful,” Dammon gasped before he could think. It was the truth, and she deserved to be told it—she deserved everything. He held her tight on his lap as took him, chasing her next release. Karlach’s hips faltered for a moment, and he realized she was already close.

Dammon felt her thighs trembling against him and pushed his back up straight to hold her closer as she rode his length. His palms pressed against her back, strong forearms circling and supporting her as she started to come apart yet again.

And she did—with a shuddering quake, Karlach grabbed his shoulders and let out a jumbled cry that was some mix of obscenities and his name.

She was incredible. Dammon watched the agony and ecstasy on her face as long as he could bear, as she rode out her second orgasm onto him, as her tight heat gripped and pulsed relentlessly around his cock. In the next moment his eyes squeezed shut as he was thrown wide to the delayed force of his own release, his hands spasming against her back as stars burst bright behind his eyelids.

After a long moment filled with nothing but the sounds of them keening and panting against each other, her chin dropped over his shoulder. Dammon felt her arms circle to grip around him tight.

As he listened to her breathing slow, she began to shake against him again. 

This time it was from the quiet sobs that heaved up from her chest. He held her head against the crook of his shoulder and stroked her hair as her tears flowed, feeling the droplets splash against and roll down his back.

Karlach cried from joy, blessed relief, aching sadness…from the pain of so much lost time and the knowledge of her limited future. It wasn't fair, none of it, and Dammon didn't know a single thing to say that might ease her burdened heart. 

Engine or no, she had more heart than anyone he'd ever known. He could only hold her to him tight as could be.

Seeking to comfort her further, Dammon worked his hips down the bed with her seated on him and tipped their connected bodies gently backwards. She collapsed without resistance on top of and against him. At least he could support her for a while, even if it was just with his silent body. 

After a little while, Karlach raised her head to look at him. Her face was streaked with tear tracks, but she was trying to smile through trembling lips. "I'm s-sorry," she choked out.

Dammon’s heart couldn’t bear it. He silenced her at once with a kiss. "Don't apologize to me," he whispered to her as he broke away, "or to anyone, ever."

He gathered her back up in his arms immediately. Karlach didn’t protest, only rested her cheek against his chest with a shuddering sigh. Dammon was vaguely aware of the sheen of sweat cooling all over his bare skin, but with her warm body nestled back up against him, he was more than comfortable.

Dammon pressed his lips to the skin of her forehead. He closed his eyes to focus on the way his heart beat against her chest; the steady hum of her body reverberated against him in response. Despite everything, the sound was dearer to him than he thought possible.

“Ready to go again?” Karlach asked suddenly. 

Dammon chuckled low in his chest, feeling the delayed ache in his limbs and realizing a bit late that the night’s exertions had only just begun.

“Give me a few minutes,” he requested with a lazy smile. “We’ve got time.”

[jemmo]

ok i was too exhausted to talk about i hear the sunspot last week so now i have 2 weeks worth of ranting saved up and i can feel the tidal wave coming.

edit: i had to add a read more bc this turned into the messiest, most tangent-filled rant. tl;dr idk i just like it

and first off i wanna semi-respond to some discussion ive seen around the show with regards to pacing, that its slow, its frustrating etc. and the extent of my response is... yeah. well, not just yeah. its not that i agree or disagree, its more that i dont have a way to respond that is unbiased or removed from my personal opinion bc i love the show a lot. if i totally detached and looked at it, yeah, maybe i'd think that way. god knows ive said the same thing for many, many other shows and funnily enough its usually one of my least favourite things. at least, i thought it was, but now that i think about it...

ok this is gonna be a tangent but ive now been watching bl and been in the bl space for over 3 years (wow, how did that happen?) and i think its really interesting to think about, and i'd love to hear from others as well, how my taste in bl has changed. what i like, what i dont like, what i value in a show and how much i am willing to invest in or engage with a show. before i got to bl, i was very much looking for bl content. even when i was younger, i was always trying to find queer content and it was usually european, and then in my anime phase i watched all the bl anime, and that led me to cherry magic blah blah you dont need to know the rest. but at that point i was very much hungry to just see queerness on screen. and i mean explicit queerness, not necessary sexual, just like dating and kissing and explicit same sex relationships. and i think in that haze and the height of hyperfixation i watched many shows that i probably wouldnt have the patience to now. i watch a lot less bl now, maybe bc im more busy with work, maybe bc bl is actually getting worse idk, or maybe i just dont have the effort the engage with something when i dont like it, or it just doesnt interest me. and speaking of what i do and don't like, i feel like this lack of patience has also come with this gradual change in what i want for the show. i know bl now, i know its out there, i know more and more is being made every year, im not in short supply of explicit queerness anymore. so now i can be more picky. if i find myself getting bored watching a show, i just wont watch it. and also bc ive been watching bl for years now, i feel like i am developing what my taste in bl is, and thats not exactly something i can describe, for me its more a i know it when i see it kinda thing. thats why i try a lot of shows out but am happy to drop them after a couple of eps when i know i dont vibe with them.

and with shows i dont drop, they usually fall into 2 categories; im actually enjoying it or im just waiting around to see where this goes. and to call myself out, bc of all these things i think it means that im... well, not less critical, but less able to be unbiased when watching a show i do like, bc hey this is the one show out of 10 going on this month that im obsessed with, of course im not gonna be critical of it. and thats not to say i should be critical of i hear the sunspot, more that im not bc my bias and taste just makes me like it. all the things people think are its flaws that i see with other shows, i just dont see, or dont care about, bc i just like it. and thats me with the pacing. in any other show i would probably be bored and impatient. but for me, bc of so many other things, bc of what theyve done with characters in the mean time, bc i just like these characters a lot, the way they interact, the way they think, the whole vibe of the show and what it says, im just not bothered by it. its not an issue to me. and thats my tangent on personal taste and how youre allowed to just not think that a show has flaws when you like it even if other people think its flawed and youre equally critical of other things but anyway.

back to i hear the sunspot. i dont know why i love this slowburn and lack of communication but i just do. maybe its bc the show doesnt feel rushed. ive been frustrated so many other times when shows wait until the final ep for the couple to get together, which im guessing this show is doing, but thats usually bc nothing else about the show is engaging me so it feels like im being left waiting. i dont feel like im left waiting here. here, i feel like everyone as a character is being valued and whatever time i spend with any of them, i love it. i dont find myself waiting until kohei and taichi get a scene together like i have with other shows bc everything else, everything with them individually, everything with maya, with taichi's friends, idk what else to say i just love it all. and that shows bc i cried just as hard at the scene with maya as i did at the scene with kohei and taichi.

and now for just some fave bits, starting with maya. i just love her. people were so ready to be annoyed with her and pick her apart, but i cant scream enough about how amazing it is that the show introduced a female antagonist and managed to, in my eyes anyway, turn her into someone i liked and felt for and just enjoyed watching. finally, a female antagonist that wasnt just disposable after she served her purpose. and whats better is that what we come to learn about her recontextualises her actions when she was first introduced. i just know upon a rewatch that when i first see her acting out and being mean to taichi, i might still be mad at her, but ill also see a girl that is struggling to make it look like she is fine, someone who is trying her hardest to make it appear that she doesnt try at all, that shes fine, shes no burden to anyone, that this huge thing that is scary and difficult to deal with, shes fine with, bc shes just that good, no biggie. that need to make it all seem casual, to not show weakness, is even exactly why she got mad at taichi in the first place, bc she thought he wasnt trying, he was just doing things casually and he was ok with letting people know he wasnt perfect. he didnt take perfect notes and that was ok, he was still trying his hardest. thats like the exact opposite of maya's mindset to be perfect but make it look like shes not trying. and i think that clash was a great thing to add to the show, and so rewarding when taichi finally hit the nail on the head and told her she didnt have to try so hard, that its ok to let, or even make, other people make the effort. its not sympathy or pity, its kindness.

and now for taichi and kohei. there was just so many things that i loved, the scene of kohei cutting onions with his mom, the whole montage in the classroom going through the highlights of taichi taking notes for kohei, the whole vibe at the end where it was never explicitly said but you just knew it was taichi's last day. and i adore the way that kohei didn't ask questions when taichi told him about dropping out, he just had that faith in taichi, there was nothing to question, he believed that whyever it was, whatever it was for, taichi had thought about it and made the decision and that was enough. instead he just talks about taichi, how hes amazing, making him feel good about himself so he can feel both confident in his decision and whatever he does next. and as for taichi, i know we all wanna know why he cant just say he likes kohei and get it over with, but i dont think thats the right sentiment to bring to the show, or at least not the one i have. whatever it is, i just dont mind, bc to me taichi is a person and if he cant bring himself to say it now or doesnt want to or doesnt think its the right time, thats fine. thats the kind of energy gives me anyway, that i shouldnt be pressing these characters for a reason. its similar to how the show doesnt feel rushed, its like im fine if taichi doesnt say it bc theres no deadline, you say your feelings when youre ready and want to and thats just up to him and im not here to rush him, neither is the show. it just gives him the space to figure things out and make his mind up and decide when the time is right, when he isnt on rocky ground with yknow new people being mean to him and making him doubt himself or questioning what he wants to do with his life and taking on something new - like if taichi is overwhelemed by all of that, its fine. and i can hear the argument oh show us that and like yeah, as i said for any other show id say that too but here i dont care. taichi not saying his feelings can be for any reason you want to come up with, the show doesnt need to give us one, nor do we need one to accept he hasnt done it, but also if you want a reason, theres more than enough to draw from the show to come to your own conclusions. that kinda sounds like the most pretencious defence of a show thatsputting off a confession for the final ep but hey its what i think and i vibe with that thinking so there.

honestly, what i feel about this show is that it didn't need to be a bl for me to watch it, bc i adore everything about it that id watch it even if it was just bromance or even pure friendship, but the fact it is that bc its a bl, because it has that romance, it makes it better. and maybe thats why im not bothered by the pacing, bc im not waiting for the bl moments, im just enjoying the show for what it is, for the story its telling, for the characters its created and the message its conveying. and god if i think about it ending next week i will bust a cry so for now, we live in denial.

[anxresi]

So, it turns out Chloe IS going to return for S6... this hot off the press from her voice actor... (actually from back in Jan, but who's counting?)

...So why, my dears, couldn't I give a damn?

Probably because, as arguably the writers had no idea what to do with her in S4 and S5 other than strip her of all personality, agency & likability, what's the point in her still remaining?

*She's not going to be a hero again, Manbaby Astruc has made this PERFECTLY clear thankyouverymuch. IMHO, she's far more useful as a tool for him to take out his warped misogynist humiliations on, apparently. Why he doesn't just buy himself a blonde mannequin, call it 'Chloe' then beat it with a wooden stick whilst shouting various profanities within the privacy of his own bedroom, IDK. Maybe it's good therapy for him to expose his weird hang-ups in front of a mass audience? Hey, if it works for him... good for you, buddy! I just wish the rest of us didn't have to suffer to aid his treatment.

*As a villain, Chloe's threat level is arguably less than 0%. She is now written to be dumb as a post, no-one trusts or likes her and everything she says and does seems more cartoonishly infantile with every tortuous appearance since S3. The ONLY time she posed any vague threat is during her massively overhyped team-up with Lila where basically she was little more than a pawn to the Mary Sue Of All Lying B*tches... and those two episodes where she took over Paris as Mayor with a bunch of robots were undebately the most stupid ones of S5. Which if you've seen the competition, you KNOW that's some achievement.

*My prediction is: They're gonna rehash the same tiresome schik we saw before she got on that plane at the end of S5... perhaps they'll give us a one episode Hope Spot upon her unexpected arrival back where it looks like she's changed after attending a 'tough school' in New York/London but OH MY WORD WHAT A SURPRISE it turns out to all have been a ruse to become Queen Bee again. YAWN. She'll move straight back into her old room... Andre and Audrey will reconnect... and it'll be like nothing ever happened. In case you hadn't noticed, this show handles plot continuity or character development about as well as Marinette keeps her distance from her crushes.

*'But where does that leave Zoe?' You might ask, to which I can only respond with a succinct 'If you had the Hubble Space Telescope on full power, you still wouldn't be able to locate how little I care about that particular subject.' Maybe she'll carry on as Vesperia. Maybe she'll get a girlfriend. Maybe she'll do something halfway interesting, and give the viewership a heart attack out of sheer shock value alone. It doesn't matter to me one jot... less because I curse the ground this insipid plot device masquerading as a serious character walks on, but simply because I have no faith in the utterly abysmal writing this show has displayed for years and years now. Chloe could take over the lead role in a SHOCKING twist, they could change the name to Miraculous Queen and I STlLL wouldn't give it a second glance. The fish rots from the head-up, guys.

(Okay, so that's a bit of a lie. I would probably sneak a peek at ONE episode out of sheer curiosity, but you and I both know with HIM in charge the standard won't improve one iota. Plus, it isn't gonna happen anyway... so why am I tying myself in knots speculating about an impossible scenario?)

Anyway, I've nattered on for too long. I'll just leave you by answering Selah's somewhat disingenuous last question there about 'your favorite Chloe line of season 5'.

This implies we were watching 'Chloe'. As far as I was concerned, we weren't. Not the Chloe I fangirled for in the very beginning and got me involved in the show in the first place because I could relate so much. Not the Chloe who got so many other fans emotionally invested in her personal and familial struggles, before her character was comprehensively trashed by a ruinous creator with a grudge.

So in answer to your question Ms Victor, none. Because it simply wasn't Chloe.

[elentiyawhitethorn]

Older but Never Wiser

CW: a bit of language

AN: Happy (almost belated) birthday @leiawritesstories my love!! This took way longer than it should have but depending on your time zone this might not be late yet lol, I’m dusting off the cobwebs to give you a little present :)

Based on this prompt: “you’re at the high school reunion and everyone’s talking about how you and [insert jerk here] were prom queen and king, unaware you dumped them years ago, and you’re moping… until you run into your nemesis from high school and you’re thoroughly distracted” (I can’t remember where this came from, it was just in my prompts folder, maybe I came up with it? Maybe not? Idk)

1458 words

Aelin could feel her shoulders begin to hunch as she drew in on herself. She’d known Chaol would be here, of course, but she hadn’t known the subject of prom queen and king would come up so soon, nor their joint senior superlative of “most likely to get married.”

She also hadn’t known Chaol would show up with a gorgeous woman taller than her, hotter than her, certainly classier than her, and wearing a giant diamond on her finger.

“I really thought you two were going to last,” Essar said, voice dripping with pity and sorrow as if she’d truly been invested in the relationship of two high school classmates she’d hardly ever interacted with ten years ago, let alone following graduation.

Aelin smiled tightly. “Well, it was for the best. I’m much happier now with my new boyfriend.” A lie, and an obvious one at that, if Essar bothered to notice. As it was, she was clearly more interested in the piece of gossip than its verity, even a decade after high school.

Some things really didn’t change.

The subject of Chaol was a bitter one—they had lasted several years following high school, and while Aelin had had plenty of time to move on, and multiple relationships following Chaol, seeing him now brought up old insecurities. Being interrogated about the end of their relationship by some random classmate at a high school reunion wasn’t making matters better.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Aelin cut in, “I should make some more rounds. It was nice to catch up with you.” There wasn’t an ounce of sincerity in Aelin’s tone and she couldn’t quite bring herself to care.

She and Essar exchanged goodbyes and Aelin fled, hurrying over to her friend Elide. Elide had been the class valedictorian and was now head of some tech company in Rifthold.

After catching up with her and a few others, Aelin headed for the refreshment table. She wasn’t one for social events, and after the tedious process of listening to the reunion’s organizers give speeches, followed by a solid half hour of unstructured mingling, Aelin was drained.

She poured herself a cup of punch. Staring into the reddish liquid at a distorted reflection of herself, Aelin sighed.

“I can’t believe Aelin Galathynius, socialite, gossip, prom queen extraordinaire, is moping at the snack table at a social event. Hell really has frozen over.”

Aelin started at the voice, looking up to see a man with stark white hair towering over her. He had certainly changed over the past decade, but the sharp pine green eyes clued her in on his identity instantly.

“Rowan Whitethorn,” Aelin drawled, grinning. “You…” She looked him over, taking in the size of his crossed arms, the deep tan, and the hard features. A tattoo snaked up his neck from somewhere underneath his shirt. Aelin whistled. “Time has served you well.”

Rowan chuckled, the sound all too familiar. “You think so?” He paused, and gave her a once-over of his own. “I could say the same.”

Aelin leaned against the table, smiling. “Do tell me what it is you do for a living. Wait—let me guess. Sly business man. Lawyer? Oh, tax collector!”

Another, louder laugh left Rowan’s lips. “I’m a child psychologist.”

Aelin’s jaw dropped. “Damn, okay.”

He grinned. “You’re what, a fashion designer? A housewife?”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “I work at a pharmacy.”

Rowan shook his head in disbelief, smiling widely. Silence settled over the pair, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable pause—merely a moment to take in each other after so long. Aelin remembered arguing with the boy this man had once been over schoolwork, over sports, over absolutely nothing.

“Gods, tell me you’re not with that asshole anymore,” Rowan said, breaking the quiet.

Aelin blinked, then felt her lips unconsciously stretch into a another smile. “No, I’m not.”

Rowan hmmed noncommittalaly. “You two were never a good match.”

He was the first person who hadn’t offered her condolences like it was some kind of recent tragedy, and for that Aelin felt her smile turn soft. “Remind me why we hated each other again?”

A breathy laugh. “I believe that was thanks to the time you scraped up the side of my car trying to park on the very first day of junior year.”

“We were sixteen! No one could drive well at that age.” Aelin was grinning.

Rowan crossed his arms. “Or perhaps the time you literally tased me? With a fucking taser?”

Aelin let out a startled laugh. She’d completely forgotten about that. One of the football boys had hosted a party while his parents were out of town, and his mom was a cop so he brought out her taser for a game of whoever can hold onto this $20 while being tased in the hand gets to keep it. Gods, high school had been quite the experience.

“That was part of the game! You took the risk, and you lost; I can’t be blamed for that. Besides, I happen to remember you making out with my boyfriend on one occasion.”

Rowan groaned in faux embarrassment, a hand running though his short locks. “Lorcan dared us to. Besides, you’d already broken up with Dorian at that point, so it didn’t really count.”

Aelin’s face started to ache as she realized just how widely her smile was stretched. “That definitely still counts, but fine, let me think of some other instance you were an asshole to me. I’m sure there were plenty.”

Rowan shook his head, eyes dancing with mirth, and opened his mouth to make a retort—but someone else beat him to it.

“Aelin! I was so happy to spot you here. How have you been?”

Of course, it was Chaol, leering over at her in a suit far too sophisticated for the occasion.

Aelin felt a wave of calm wash over her as she realized that as much as she didn’t want to have a civil conversation with Chaol, she wanted him to have the upper hand even less.

“Chaol, my gods! I’ve been great; I take it you have been as well judging by the beautiful woman on your arm?”

The woman in question blushed, and Aelin wondered what exactly she knew about her.

Chaol grinned and held up the woman’s hand—and the ring perched on her fourth finger—like some kind of prize. “This is Yrene, my fiancée. Yrene, meet Aelin and… Ronan?”

“Rowan,” Rowan correctly coolly, then glanced at Yrene. “It’s a pleasure.”

Chaol nodded dismissively and turned back to Aelin. “Is that a new haircut?”

It had been a solid six years since she’d dated the man, and at least three since they’d crossed paths. “Yes, it is.”

“And how are you getting on with that Fenrys fellow? Still happy?”

The last time Aelin had seen Chaol had been at the grocery story—fucking small towns—with her boyfriend at the time. He hadn’t lasted more than a month.

“No.”

A flicker of glee crossed Chaol’s features, and Aelin writhed internally.

“Much to my benefit, that is,” Rowan interjected. Aelin had nearly forgotten he was still standing with them. “For now I have her all to myself.”

What?

Chaol blinked, dumbfounded. “You two are together?”

Rowan shrugged. “We reconnected a couple years ago and hit it off—better than we ever had in high school,” he added.

Aelin had just enough self-control to paste a smile on her lips. Now understanding what Rowan was doing for, she took his hand casually.

Rowan’s hand envoloped Aelin’s, and his rough calluses scraped against her palm. It took restraint not to shudder, and Chaol be damned, Aelin was no longer paying attention to the conversation. Her world focused in on the warm hand interlaced with her own.

Less interested, probably now that he’d realized he didn’t have much to hang over her head, Chaol said a farewell and retreated with the fiancée who hadn’t spoken a single word. Aelin watched them leave gratefully.

Rowan slipped his hand out of Aelin’s and she almost objected before realizing herself.

“Thank you, Rowan,” Aelin said softly.

Her gaze drifted over to him and snagged on his piercing green eyes.

Rowan stared back at her for a moment. “No problem.”

Aelin shook her head. “It wasn’t no problem. That was very kind of you.”

Rowan shook his head, but said nothing more about the endeavor. “How long are you in town?”

“A whole week. I wanted to stay with my parents for a bit.”

“And I don’t suppose while you’re here you want to grab coffee together? I still need an example of the atrocities you claim I put you through, after all.”

Aelin’s expression turned fiendish. “Does tomorrow work?”

———

Tag List (this is so outdated so lmk if you want to be removed/added!):

@aelin-bitch-queen

@autumnbabylon

@charlizeed

@evolving-dreamer

@feysand-loml

@flora-shadowshine

@gracie-rosee

@infernoqueen19

@julemmaes

@leiawritesstories

@lemonade-coolattas

@live-the-fangirl-life

@midsizewitch

@morganofthewildfire

@mybloodrunsblue

@nehemikkele

@realbookloverproblems

@rhysandswingspan

@rowaelinismyotp

@rowanaelinn

@sexy-dumpster-fire

@sleeping-and-books

@story-scribbler

@swankii-art-teacher

@thegreyj

@the-lonelybarricade

@thenerdandfandoms

@yesdreamblog

[msfbgraves]

Do you think Daniel is a millionaire in the show? And that Terry really is a billionaire? Idk how Johnny and Miguel survive in California, poor things.

I think that Daniel has, as I think they call it, "excellent collatoral", or "liquidity" or some shit, which means that he can borrow all the money for his expenses. I mean, to open a business, with their backgrounds, they will have saved for a deposit on a loan, no way they were given that money. May have been an investor if they were paying a cut of their future profits. So, do they have a million in the bank after everything they owe? I really doubt it. Could they get their hands on like 300 k if they needed it? Yes. Is that money theirs? No.

They have a shittown of money coming in on car sales, but they owe the bank a shitton too. They need to keep a lot of money flowing. The trick is to gradually owe the bank less and less, so that at the time you come to sell the business, most of that sum is yours. But you also don't give all your money to the bank. Most small business' owners pensions are what they get when they sell the business. Now, a single car wash in Alberquerque cost about 900 k. Daniels owns four or so franchises, which are definitely worth several millions when sold. But how much does he owe? If they want to give the business to Sam, they can't live off the money for the sale. Which means they must have invested in some form of pension. Which may actually pay out several hundreds of thousands a year should the time come. And of course by then they could make a good profit on their house which is also worth over a million.

But that all depends on the business generating that sweet sweet money for the bank business loans and the pension funds and the mortgage and the insurance... If that stops spinning money, and the price they can get when they sell it drops - they're in deep shit. And I mean deep shit. So if they lose their supplier, Doyona? Which means they have to pay a lot more per car to sell when switching to another? Yikes, that is really serious. So it doesn't really matter how much he has in the bank. The question is how much can he get upon sale and when not selling, how big is his pension payout, and how much will be left. Will they downsize the house upon retirement? How much will they get for that?

Will Daniel be a millionaire when the business keeps doing well and all that profit starts flowing in to their bank accounts, owing the bank less and less? Yes! But they might have to employ Sam for a decade or so, so that they can build up personal wealth to retire on. They have access to money now based on the performance of the business, but that money isn't theirs. If everything got really bad they could probably pay off the bank with the sales of the business, sell their house and still have a million left with that, so they'll be able to live without worry as perfectly normal middle class people. But the lifestyle they have now is dependent on a money generating business. They make a big payout, or they cash in on the money they make the last decade they own it before they pass it on? Yeah, they're millionaires.

But now, they're not. The value of the business tanks, a wealthy future goes with it.

Terry is bribing judges and buying up Cobra Kai franchises out of pocket. He doesn't give a shit if any of his franchises, or the whole business, tanks. He's investing in other people's businesses...

He's definitely someone who owns hundreds of millions. Is he a billionaire? A billion is 1000 million. I don't know. Probably. It's not something you can tell anymore by what car or wine or house they own. Nothing you consume is making a dent on even 500 million. It's staggeringly much. So maybe he isn't and can still easily fork out millions to invest in some kind of startup. But, the way he uses connections? And where he is? Keeps investing even now?

Very likely.

[aurcls]

HSHQTASK059: FAREWELL !

i know i already yapped in the admin post but let me continue <3

1: when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

i joined in 2015 as a high school freshman, jfc ! i don't think there was anything major going on, the rp was very much a rich kids rp so the drama was chill and petty; entertaining but not that deep. one thing that made me join ( aside from my obsession with royals ) was the fact that phoebe tonkin - THE most popular fc at the time - was up for grabs. i thought it was meant to be !

2: which characters have you written over the years ?

errrmmm... merjem/kalla, olivier, livia, florencio, alexander, anneli, lixun, nicole, maryam, blazej, definitely some other characters whose names and existence i cannot remember

3: what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

i think this is just nostalgia but i think olivier-viggo-armani-lykke-anton-etc era was my fave. artistically it's very hollow but i think the lightness of it all makes it my favourite. i also sort of view it as a testament of my own naivety and youth. i'm not saying i'm old now but i'm not 17 without a single worry. back then ( because i wasn't busy and i could sat in front of my computer for hours ) the plots moved quickly and the threads were really fun to follow. there weren't that many characters so everyone was, in a way, forced to write with each other so the plotlines were very interactive. i appreciate the organic way things evolved. ( i do have a soft spot for annexei but i think it's mainly bc i admire alexei's characterization so much and elisa's ability to depict depression )

4: what about other people's plotlines ?

i was insanely invested in the zulu conflict of 2020. it had so many moving parts and i think if it had only gotten a chance to evolve even further, it would have been on a whole new level <3

5: who is your favourite character from the ones you've played ? why ? what made you love them ? what made them so fun to write ?

i think nicole or olivier. nicole's plotline was so well defined that it was fun to write her. i loved her relationships and it was interesting to write someone older. i think she's a character i could write a book about but she wasn't the best for an rp setting ? getting a chance to be involved in the english drama was wonderful ! olivier on the other hand... i think he's just a fave because he lets me connect to the old days ? when rp was a top priority and everything was exciting and fun. i don't want this to sound like it isn't that anymore but times were different back then and i don't think it ever felt the same after maybe high school graduation ?

6: if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

i think the finale of the english plotline maybe ? or the insanity of the lawn chair thing. possibly the rise of olykke too <3 but honestly i would like to experience all of it again, as cliche as it sounds. i will very think of the nights i stayed up until 4 or 5 am just to write/read the dash. waiting for a reply was such an addictive feeling and idk where i'll find my replacement for it. it really breaks my heart and makes me feel very old to realize that i don't know if i'll experience the excitement again. those sleep-deprived nights were some of my best. i've said "it's just rp" a million times but honestly, rping itself is such an experience and i'm glad i've gotten to get the best version of it.

7: is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

i think i'd improve the kalla era's germany. i didn't do much with it.

8: what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

i would have loved to finish aurel x araya story, i mean i can probably still accomplish that but nbskdgbjs there were big plans for the slovakians and it's a shame we never got to write it out on the dash. i think i would have enjoyed writing the inner struggle of blazej. he had a lot of potential but alas, it could not be !

9: what is your favourite ooc memory ?

i have two that stick out but my trip with serre ? we were on my sister's couch writing the stupid lawn chair saga and i think it was the first time in a long time that i had that much fun writing ! the second one would be me visiting evy because it was a surreal experience and i have to admit i was so socially awkward that evy's family probably thinks i'm weird nfgbkdsgbj i just think it's amazing that those two meetings could happen ? prior to hshq, i hadn't really believed in online friendships, everyone felt just too remote ! a special mention goes to this crackthread thing we wrote: link just a random memory though: i remember when we did those feedback surveys. we sorta forgot them but they were so important at that one point. other funny thing is our old adminooc blog. snapchat replaced it and then some years later discord replaced snapchat. we should bring the admin snapchat back btw @armanicatherina & @barbiebraganca

10: where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

i'll be on discord !!! you can find me on the hshq server ( which we aren't deleting if i can have a say ;) )

11: what else would you like to say ?

i said a lot in the admin post but i actually had to "keep it short" so here i will say so many things that you wish i had edited this. for me rping has been an amazing way to connect with other people, learn about people through writing and to experience emotions that i wouldn't otherwise. some of the words i've read here have managed to capture thoughts that i hadn't been able to put into words and it's been amazing to see how differently people think but also how alike some feelings among different people are. i often try to wrap my head around the fact that this group's been going for eight amazing years. i've gone through a lot in those eight years and the existence of this group has brought me a lot of joy. i am sad to let go of it and i guess i'm in a bit of denial because i keep thinking that 1x1 rping exists and y'know... even if a group doesn't exist, threads can still happen. when i think about hshq and the plotlines i've read and written, one thing really sticks out to me and it's the way we shifted from a p basic rich kids rp into something intricate and sophisticated ( yes, we had a drug related nye event and we've had a fair share of petty fights ). the range of emotions people have been able to write and the psychological work they've done to write a convincing and very realistic humans is something everyone can be proud of. i don't know if i look like a sadist but i was most impressed by the depictions of sadness, guilt and self-loathing. in my opinion it's not easy to write a piece of sad prose without it being a bit melodramatic. aside from hshq's longevity, the most amazing thing has to be everyone's willingness to get involved. the plot drops that i wrote wouldn't have happened without your input and when it got too tough for me to write them myself, y'all stepped up and continued the plotdrops with your newsposts. as an admin, it's been so so so so so awesome that we've been able to put some responsibilities on the members and have you guys perform better than well. i think we did something unique here and i'm so proud of us as a group!!!! i wish i could flex about this irl because hshq's history and way of working is something extraordinary. i really wish i could properly put my love for hshq into words. i don't know how to express its meaning and influence in my life. i feel like it has helped me to improve my writing but more importantly it has taught me a thing of two about empathy <3 i really hope we'll stay in touch and if anyone comes to europe, or more spesifically finland, don't be afraid to message me bc i'd love to meet up !

[whence-the-woody]

Not willing to rewatch coz s1 I'm not a huge fan of and s2 is too much emotion for me rn but trying to remember Colin's character through the show. Coz in this season he's definitely all over the place.

Like in s1 I guess you could characterise him as a bit hopeless romantic, quick to fall in love, impulsive, kinda goofy. Definitely a younger brother. You could say easily embarrassed then but honestly the way he acted was hella fucking embarrassing, I'd hide too. Could be a sweet son. Not a bad friend but incredibly oblivious. Held grudges for sure.

Then s2 he was undebatably INSUFFERABLE after his travels. Pretentious and annoying. Not understanding of boundaries or able to let things go (the Maria visits). An experimental drug dude, which yknow good for him. Still v little bro energy, mocking his brothers all the time. Not alot of empathy. Very privileged - I mean they all are but compared to Anthony's level of responsibility he clearly had none. Showed some positive protective instincts, helping out the featheringtons. So in some ways shown to be a better friend but in others WAY worse - talking shit on Pen: unforgivable. So still easily embarrassed. Kind of a little shit but not particularly funny I wouldn't say? That's bendict. Not very opinionated, that's Eloise. Francesca has passion he didn't. Idk just kinda nothing in terms of ways to describe him.

Then s3. Oh boy. Suddenly after yet more travels hes a chronic flirt - no hate just a weird 180. Discovered the joys of group sex at some point - again no hate but tells me nothing about who he is. He doesnt seem to be looking for marriage? Doesnt mention any goals or interests? He says he doesnt care what others think of him but that majorly contradicts everything that came before. Then he says hes been trying to be what society wants - so contradiction again. He considers himself a flirting expert out of nowhere? Okay dude. In a desperate attempt to make them compatible hes suddenly also a gossip? Sure. Also suddenly has a study and is a writer?? Other than writing letter to Pen, where the hell did that come from? Just everyone getting completely sick of hearing his stories? y'all had 2 previous seasons to make them seem compatible, why throw this stuff in now? He's not a romantic, doesnt seem to understand why Pen wants marriage - even though was so quick to get engaged two years ago. He still doesnt have a lot of empathy really. Still easily embarassed. Not much showing him to be a good brother. Still a pretty sweet son and obviously idealised his parents relationship, that's something. Absolutely impulsive - interrupting that dance, good god sir. You could argue he was jealous in s1 so that checks out. The romantic dialogue really paled in comparison to previous seasons but maybe that is in character?

But still I try to think of his personality and Im kinda like ??

Smug. Jealous. Pretty unserious. Privledged. Sometimes protective. A newfound gossip and writer. Self conscious most of the time but other times completely oblivious to peoples social cues. Impulsive for sure. A sweet son. Meh brother. No friends, goals or talents.

I just feel like Daphne and Anthony, by this point in their seasons, were really fleshed out characters and personalities. You knew who they were, their motivations, their histories, their huberis. Its been 3 years and I still feel like we dont know Colin. Maybe because the focus is on Pen? But even then I dont know if they've hugely expanded on her character thus far.

I guess I wonder that for the people who are huge fans of Colin - why? Who do you think he is? What is his character? Do you think its consistent? Does the inconsistency make sense to you somehow? I cant be invested in this dude when I still dont know who he is (also when the actor is okay at best lbr)

[9thbutterfly]

Today I had some quiet time to myself in one of the production greenhouses, no customers, no colleagues, no radio numbing my thoughts, and spent the time playing "what would I have done differently, if I could go back knowing what I know now". (Not in a regretful way, it is what it is, now, just... playing.)

Kind of started with thinking about one colleague who pointed out we've met before, during the master classes. She dropped out, frustrated because it was so chaotic. I stuck it out, knowing that I had a business to rent at the end of it.

If I knew that after six years, I would get told, "we don't need and want you any more", would I still have finished the classes? Or taken them at all? How far would I go back, if I could?

Would I have stayed at my former workplace for so long, or would I have kept an eye out for something else, knowing that there's a possibility the nursery would close if I didn't take it when the owners retired?

(Supposedly, Former Boss told one of my employees that there were a lot of other people interested in the nursery at the time. First time I ever heard of it, and he never properly talked to me about whether I *wanted* the nursery (which, in hindsight, is quite the red flag), just assumed I would take it, while I assumed he would offer it.)

Might have been wisest to get out before it came to that. But it would also mean missing out on friendships and acquaintances and professional connections...

Life would probably have been easier if I never rented the nursery. Could have invested my savings in some land to grow weird vegetables. Or maybe saved up for a house instead. (I like our home. But I wish the garden wasn't so cramped.)

So much more peaceful if I hadn't had to deal with dishonest employees screwing me over. But. Then there is the girl who dropped out of her apprenticeship because of drugs, and I gave her a chance and she did so well. (She was a brat, too. But what a recovery.) And there is the other girl I took a chance on, who struggled with mental health issues, and she did so well too. And. Idk. They might have found another job. Somebody else to support them. But they also might not. They might still be struggling, and struggling worse than they did when I met them.

So if I could go back, could I choose my own potential greater happiness at the expense of theirs?

And apart from work... How do you say goodbye to your father knowing it's the last time, knowing he'll let you down one time too many and you'll cut contact, and all you'll ever see again of him is the stain on the floor where his body rotted? (And yet. It was the right decision.)

How do you say goodbye to a friend, knowing her cancer will come back and she'll die while the pandemic prevents you from seeing her one last time?

It's for the best that we can't go back. But still, I wonder. How far? How to choose?

[thegeminisage]

THE VOYAGE HOME breakdown

i liveblogged this on the notes app on my phone bc i could not be bothered w tumblr while i watched it. 10/10 movie i love spock's little bandana

first scene was really rough bc they made us watch the enterpise blow up again. i did NOT like reliving that. she's a beautiful woman and i loved her

kirk being in trouble was so funny. like hes been in trouble in tos before but not THAT kind of trouble

did gasp aloud when they said vulcan exile. kirk spock and bones were on VULCAN EXILE for THREE MONTHS and you're telling me they didn't fuck. impossible. i have so much fanfiction to read

gasped when i saw spock far away on that cliff too. i went from watching the movie to doing whatever it is i do when i see spock on my screen. i was so instantly invested like 100x more than i had been previously. cathy made fun of me for calling it the spock movie but lo: there was spock

thrilled to see his mom again even though she fucking sucks. i thought she had died or something since she wasn't in search for spock lol he doesn't need that!!

me when they mentioned yorktown: omg another aos reference

i knew this movie was about whales but not in what capacity. so when the probe showed up we went back and forth for a really long time on whether this was The Whale. we were very impressed with its little laser

uhura remains the most beautiful woman to ever live. she gets hotter in every film idk how she does that

i liked when kirk gave bones a direct order to like "stay here" or whatever and he said with his mouth "no way" and followed him out anyway. fucking hilarious there's no use trying to hide behind rank anymore captain. their relationships have evolved so wonderfully <3

the time travel cgi was wack. idk what they were doing but it made me uncomfortable

"we can get back but only with NUCLEAR POWER" it's just like back to the future fr

spock's bandana.

i knew he wore it in this film because i have seen fanart and a couple of gifs but it was even better to see it in person as it were

spock was great in this film. unclear how much of his personal memories he had back, i would like to assume most of them? but back at factory settings nonetheless. i liked getting to watch jim and bones teach him to be "human" all over again, even down to jim asking to be CALLED jim, instead of by his title. i have a feeling we're gonna get a lot of that with data in tng and knowing i will love data is all that makes it possible for me to part from spock. spock failing at swearing, being bad at lying, being bad at loving italian - bones said he wasn't firing on all thrusters and he was right, but he's still competent enough to get them back to their own year. i also really liked him knocking out the dude with the radio lol. AND THEN EVERYONE CLAPPED which would have been ridiculous for anyone but spock.

whaling videos sad. i do love that this movie was pro-whale propaganda...i feel like we got a lot of that in the late 80s/early 90s, so maybe whales really WERE gonna go extinct and we saved them thru the power of cheesy movies. one likes to dream

kirk is losing his touch as a honeypot. he so throughly failed to seduce this biologist it's embarrassing. she only cares about whales, dude.

scotty hunting and pecking on the keyboard at the speed of light is me fr. i never learned to touch type and now i have a role model. i mean you can't expect HIM to touch type he's missing a fucking finger

giving the molecule to those guys early is ALSO an aos reference. this is where spock got the idea in the 2009 movie i bet :(

chekov being russian when he got caught is both more hilarious and more distressing, like. considering.

"he is a man of deep feelings" on vulcan this counts as a slur

extremely skeptical of them taking the whale biologist until she pointed out that if whales were extinct there would be no whale biologists in the future and so they needed her. fair point, movie

i feel like movies just never have real water anymore. is that just me? 90s movies had water all the time and these days you never see any real water. shit's expensive. they just cgi it.

THEIR SWIM PARTY CELEBRATIONNNN it was so good. jim dunking people in the water but also william shatner would have drowned in leonard nimoy wasn't holding him up lol that shit looked choppy as hell

i recognized their outfits at the trial all together like that from the photo in aos...made me sad

GIVING JIM THE CAPTAINCY BACK...god FINALLY. the sheer hell he goes through as a retired man...let him work...

i wasn't gonna cry during this movie but when spock said i feel fine i did in fact: cry. HE FEELS FINE.

AND FINALLY. ENTERPRISE BEING BACK. perfect touch to a perfect movie

tonight we start tng (we're going in release order) and i am sooo nervous to leave them but at least we have two more tos movies left so it'll be a gradual transition...ik im gonna like tng but i don't think i'll ever love any star trek character more than i love spock. hes everything to me!!!

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Someone liked my post about how Amren should have to drink fae blood and since ive been on a pretty big vampire kick since about october of last year Im just thinking about what if acotar was about vampires. first of all, i think sjm writing vampires would make me very angry, i hear that the way she writes fae makes fae-fans really angry and I can definitely see why even though i dont know THAT much about fae, I just dont have a whole lot of personal investment in the accuracy and interestingness of fae lore, but I am highly invested in vampire lore it would make me pretty mad but I think itd be more fun for me to complain about, so what Im saying is sjm should totally write a book series about vampires

But anyway, lets get back to my initial thought of 'What if ACOTAR but vampires'. honestly, theres not much to get back to because Im basically just rotating some vague aesthetic bullshit in around in my mind. Oh, also I just had a thought, what if Feyre had to experience episode one of the hit-netflix miniseries Dracula (2020). I think she'd kill that old man if im honest. OH wait no, speaking of dracula series

Okay so, imagine this: at some unspecified point in the future, Feyre gets sick and tired of Prythian and leaves, I was gonna say Rhysand died before that but i dont wanna imply that she only left because he died and also I remembered that stupid death bargain existed. So she leaves and she actually goes back to the mortal realm, but she goes to the continent instead of returning to her home village, she wants a completely fresh start and shes like, pretending to be a human too, shes hiding her ears and glamouring herself and whatnot. With her shes brought some faerie lights as well as all of the stuff she needs to make a whole lot more of them, because shes gonna sell faerie lights as this groundbreaking alternative to more traditional light sources. So she rolls up to the scene, this hot mysterious foreign entrepeneur, shes enlisted that mercenary from all the way in the beginning of ACOTAR to help her in her endevour, and shes got all these suits who have a vested interest in maintaining a monopoly on light sources so theyre doing everything they can to prevent her from getting faerie lights of the ground, but Feyre simply keeps evading them. At some point she aquires a boytoy with whom she does not have any kind of sexual or romantic relationship with its exclusively professional and for the sake of her faerie light business, Feyre ends up seducing her boytoys fiancee and just absolutely destroys her marriage. Thats when those light source suits come back in, they have still been trying to bring Feyre down while shes been busy seducing but now theyre back at the foreground, and they approach the boygoy being like "hey, we heard that mysterious weirdo stole ya girl. Well, shes in danger of stealing our profits as well so how about you sabotage her and destroy her business and life" maybe they would mention something about her being a dangerous fae as well but idk, theyre like capitalists so Im not expecting them to care that much about the danger. But whatever, boytoy says "sure I'll do that" and he goes over to this big warehouse/factory type building where they make/store all the faerie lights. Feyre is about to give this big show where she properly shows the public how the faerie lights work and how you can replace normal lamps with them, this has been planned for months now and theyre storing all these lights in one place. So boytoy goes to where they store all the lights and he fucks with them a little, and then Feyre goes up on like a stage in front of am audience holding a faerie light and shes giving this presentation on how they work and whatnot, but as she goes on she notices that theres something very wrong and she realizes that all the faerie lights are about to EXPLODE OH NO so she tells everyone to run away, get out of town as quickly as possible, but its too late; she just barely manages to save her girlfriend/boytoys fiancee but everyone else dies in this massive explosion that just completely destroy a good chunk of the town. And then Feyre and her new gf have sex in the rubble, i think? Idk, and then after that they decide to travel a bit and live a quiet life and maybe try the whole entrepeneur thing somewhere far away from the town that feyre just exploded

and thats my pitch for an acotar au based on the hit tv show Dracula (2012)

[uchiha-gaeshi]

10, 13, 18 🙏

Thanks for the ask :)

Just as a warning, I ramble a lot, so be prepared for that. And if you (or anyone else who reads this) want to ask any follow up questions feel free :D

10: What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

Ok, so I've gotten really bad at doing the things I actually want to do in my free time because I usually spend that time thinking of what I want to do but instead scrolling social media. And it's weird too because right now I do have an abnormal amount of free time, but due to certain circumstances I can't really do everything I want with that time. At least with Tumblr, I'm engaging with things I actually like (vs mindlessly scrolling on TikTok).

Now that I've discovered that fandom is a thing, I think I'm trying to make up for all the years in middle/high school where I went "I can't do that, it's too cringe." Now here I am in my early 20s obsessing over Naruto. Idk if 10 year old me would be proud or disappointed...

Embarrassingly, I spend a bit too much time thinking of ideas for my Warring States/Founders era SI/OC fic I thought I was gonna start writing like 3 months ago. Thankfully, as I've let it marinate in my head it just gets better and better (read: crackier and crackier). Maybe if other people ask me about it, I might actually revisit my Google Doc dump and overcome the "he/she/they wouldn't say that" in my head (something something do it scared, tired). I also want to try my hand at drawing, and at least put a solid effort into it before I fully decide to quit haha.

In the past when I had my shit together, I spent a huge chunk of my free time in the gym training with free weights. Like, up until say 1-2 years ago I was a gym rat, and I might get back to that because my mental health was marginally better during those times.

I also spent a lot of that time invested in language learning activities. Back in high school, I spent a lot of time hyperfixating on my Mandarin homework/extra practise while neglecting my other homework (oops...), and that continued a little bit into my first year of university. I also took some classes in Japanese (I took about 4-5 semesters of Japanese), but I'm reeeallly rusty rn.

I'll definitely pick this back up in the near future, because it's lowkey been my dream to be a semi-polyglot. Idk what counts as "polyglot level", but if I get my executive functioning bullshit sorted out, I'd like to be proficient in Mandarin, Japanese, French, and maybe Spanish or German. Oh, also being able to speak Twi (one of the languages in Ghana) would be nice too.

13: Your dream place to visit.

Japan and Taiwan have been on my list of places to travel to since forever. I'd also like to explore other places around Canada (stuck in southern Ontario).

I'd also like to visit Ghana again someday, but mostly just to see long lost relatives and learn more about my culture (there's a whole thing of Ghanaians from abroad flooding back home during Christmas and it seems that locals have...mixed thoughts about that, but that's not really a topic I'm qualified to dive into in depth).

18: Do you like reading? If yes what's your favourite book?

Oof, so I am part of the majority of Americans who has not read (specifically original fiction) in an embarrassingly long time. In terms of original fiction, I really enjoyed what I read from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (was really disappointed to see her parroting terf talking points tho....). I read Americanah way back when and I really liked it. Tbh, reading actual books is on my never-ending to-do list of things I should do.

What I've *actually* been reading these days has been, you guessed it, fanfiction. Honestly, I think what brought me back to my years-long Naruto hyperfixation was some random youtube video/comment talking about fanfiction and AO3. So, me being me (I was going down like 3 rabbitholes at the time I think) I wanted to know more about this AO3 thing, so I explored some of the fics in the Naruto fandom (the first piece of media that came up in my head at the time). To keep a long story from getting any longer, I've been stuck here in this fandom for the past... 5 or so months now.

At the time, I was just reading through any fanfiction I came across, some good, some so-so, and some, in retrospect, pretty bad. But, one of my favourite fics has been Out of Time by Mari_kel (@mira--mira). I have to give it a re-read so that I can properly show my appreciation on the actual fic.

You can look at my AO3 profile for some fics I recommend/have publicly bookmarked (warning: most of them I believe are hashimada. I started getting in the habit of actually bookmarking/commenting once I bumped into that subfandom). Please ignore the unfinished crack multisaku/uchisaku fic under my profile (I don't ship Sakura with any of those characters, it was just something I thought would be funny. Once I actually come around with this writing thing, you'll see that a lot of shit in my fics is there just because I think it would be hilarious).

[jamietarttownsmyheart]

please i need colinjamie headcanons or prompts i’ve been deprived of them for too long

i am. so so sorry for how late this is. and how uncoordinated the rest of this will probably end up being, but, just, ima unleash random colinjamie thoughts on u and hope it makes sense lol and that you enjoy them, but since idk how long it'll end up ima put everything under the cut

random hcs

colinjamie have definitely watched the owl house at some point. maybe this is fresh in my head since the final episode just came out a few days ago, but i definitely see colinjamie watching the owl house together. two options:

maybe colin was chilling with his niece (i want colin to have a niece or a nephew so bad, he gives uncle vibes and also i want jamie to interact with the kid at some point too) and she was watching it and he got invested. and then jamie got invested via colin. OR. henry was visiting the stadium on spring break and mentioned the owl house to jamie, who was curious, watched and episode, and then got invested. flash forward to colinjamie fwb era and colin dropping by one day and finding jamie losing his shit over the episode hollow mind. jamie needs to lose his shit with someone and colin is the poor soul who came over for a hook up but ended up having to watch two seasons of a disney cartoon.

that being said, i also think that jamie, if he ever watched avatar the last airbender as a kid, only ever watched until mid season 2. life got more complicated and he was more concerned with playing well than "lazy" things like cartoons. he never got to zuko standing up to his dad. he'll get there someday, it's gonna be great

colinjamie have a unique sense of style that they somehow make work, it drives so many people mad

colin had a crush on lightning mcqueen when he was a kid. (11 years old? idk how old colin is, so im putting him at 28 in s3, making him 11 when cars came out) he thinks about this childhood crush and figures its pretty telling that he's got a speedy car and a cocky but talented boyfriend

jamie is dyslexic, and when he realized audiobooks existed, he was thrilled. still, his favorite way to experience books is to have colin read them out to him.

that being said, his favorite way to enjoy drake is to have colin rapping along

colin takes jamie along to theater performances, musicals, and the ballet.

jamie found the "whose the worm now" moment so hot. he can't let colin find out

random prompt

prompt #1

so this might be because i just re read the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, daisy jones and the six, and carrie soto is back, as well as binging all of the daisy jones and the six show, and have been listening to taylor swift all month, but i am craving something specific?

like, i am so here for an au with actor or pop star jamie (have y'all heard phil dunster's voice?) and richmond player colin hughes. its giving posh spice and david beckham.

just the different flavors of it all. if we have it in modern times, as in, the time ted lasso is set in the show, we can do so much. (we can also have a colin who is not actually a fan of his bf's music. it's not that he hates it, it's just not his style. jamie knows this, and writes songs about colin anyways. colin loves listening to these songs regardless of them not being his style.)

then of course there is the other option--i am so bad at timelines and math, so dont come for me when this is all wrong, but i, on my 7 husband of eh kick, was like omg?? give me hollywood star jamie tartt and football player colin hughes who are "roommates."

prompt #2

im a sucker for vampires and vampire hunters. i think it can go either way for them in terms of whose the vampire and whose the vampire hunters.

prompt #3

a canon divergence au where colinjamie were dating s1. jamie and keeley were dating prior to his loan to richmond and stayed friends after their breakup. he really did love her, but still hadn't learned to be accountable yet. keeley still comes around to the club bc she's jamie's best friend and wants to test the playing field with roy.

[killingsboys]

omfg my friend was recently hit with a stranger asking her out! I saw it happen in real time:

IG notification of a DM, she asked if I remember who James was I said no.

She opened his message, it was a very simple "hey how ya been it's been years since HS, i just wanted to say hi and see how ya been" (my friend is also very pretty so this is normal to her tbh, I've told her it doesn't happen to me nearly as much as she seems to think it happens to everyone!)

anyway she replied with "great, thanks! good to hear from ya, hbu?"

in the span of the next 20 minutes while we talked over our appetizer and didn't notice/reply immediately, he sent her several messages about as long as this ask now describing his:

1 - crypto and investments

2 - therapy (which good for him ngl)

3 - apartment hunting in a city 4 states over where he's lived since HS

4 - how he had a crush on her in HS

5 - how he's sad to think they never talked

6 - if they can meet up when he's in town next

7 - how did she see him in HS? Did she have a crush on him too?

8 - he's really interested in investing and finding a good traditional wife and having kids soon

We noticed about an hour later and she wasn't sure how to respond but he apparently replied again this morning with a "good morning, did you forget about me?"

I told her to block him like wtf?????

ohhhhhhhh my god what the hell.... the face i made when i got to #8 on that list. bad. bad all around. i sincerely hope she blocked him because what the HELL......

this guy added me on facebook last week i think? and i usually don't accept friend requests from people i don't know, especially men, but i was like oh i think this is the guy who moved in across the street from me a few months ago, and i think it's good to be able to contact your neighbors if you need to! so i accepted the friend request just assuming that was that. mistake number one.

this guy messaged me at like 11pm on saturday (red flag) and i was like oh maybe he has something neighborly to say like maybe his dog got loose or something idk. mistake number two. he tells me he's seen me across the street from his uncle's house and he thinks i'm cute. i hit him with the standard "haha thanks!" that i think is the universal agreed-upon nice way of saying "i'm not interested." mistake number three!

he messages me yesterday asking how my day was. i'm like "oh it was good how was yours?" because i don't know how not to be polite to people. mistake number four! he messages me at 7am on a MONDAY asking if i want to get dinner. we have not even had a conversation! he doesn't know a single thing about me! i am just some chick that he has seen outside with her dogs or reading on her porch! i don't know anything about him either! i didn't even realize he wasn't my neighbor until this weekend!

and now i'm annoyed because i have been tricked into caring about some random man's feelings 🙄 i'm like oh i don't want to reject him first thing on a monday morning that feels so mean...... meanwhile if HE didn't want to start off his week with a rejection maybe he shouldn't ask out a complete stranger at 7am on a monday? just an idea? honestly he's probably perfect nice but he went about this all the wrong way and also i am just not interested in general..... sigh it's just a mess 💔 anyway i hope your friend blocked that weirdo. opening with CRYPTO of all things...... red flag city!

[spark-lapis]

hey so idk if you remember but that one aita blorbo post you reblogged with the professor guy and the crystal where you called him a coward in the tags was mine and I just wanted to say that when I saw your tags it made me so happy because I've been working on the worldbuilding and plot development for that for four years now (the eldritch horror stuff is a newer development after I realized I was wasting so much story potential by just making it a fancy rock) and your tags made me feel very proud of myself because it showed that somebody appreciated it and thought it was cool.

Sorry for dumping this on you. Also J is the protagonist and I will give him as happy of an ending as I can. In case you were worried for him. I don't know much about portal but that cave Johnson fella seems very interesting so maybe I should try to find a decent letsplay (no ability to play myself)

i do in fact remember that one!!! and i really really did think it was cool!!! the eldritch horror and Messing With Forces Beyond Your Comprehension For Power vibes are some of my favorite so!!! yeah!!

the vibes overall were just VERY cool, it really felt like the asker was kind of subconsciously aware that he's in over his head and just kind of defaulted to the Dean's opinion on everything. unreliable narration and shaky conviction are ALSO things that i love in my stories!! and wow that worldbuilding and plot is VERY cool. moral atrocities in the name of pursuit of power & reckoning with supernatural forces much greater than the lives of any individual are so so awesome. beloved tropes and themes ✨

also don't be sorry for "dumping" something like this!! it always makes me super happy when i get excited about something someone made and then it's actually really meaningful to them because it's like wow!!! i got to read an awesome thing AND my commentary on it was encouraging to the original author??? like that's just awesome twice !!!

genuinely i am very invested in this story, it seems VERY cool and i would be absolutely interested to see how everything ends up!! the professor/asker seemed kind of deeply pathetic to me in a hubristic puppet sort of way so i am especially curious about whether he would end up breaking free of all that and deciding to do what's right, or meeting some kind of unfortunate end at the hands of the path he's passively chosen to follow!!

as for cave johnson, i did find this clip of all his voicelines in what i'm pretty sure is chronological order; the minute and a half between timestamps 8:51 to 10:22 should be pretty representative! includes his famous "lemon rant" too (though cw for aggressive yelling). basically the hubris is off the charts and after killing countless test subjects in dangerous experiments he ended up bankrupting his company, poisoning himself with moon rock dust, and becoming fatally ill as a result.

(entirely understandable not to play it yourself, it also took me ages to get through; it it is not a particularly easy game even if you have access to it!)