#i have been having cramps all day every day for like 2 weeks since i got a birth control shot

[thecapricunt1616]

Vervain - c.b. one-shot

𝓢𝓷𝓲𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓽 (𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓑𝓣𝓒): “I want you to fuck another baby in me.” You said and kissed him deeply, grinding against him and running your hands over his chest and abdomen, tugging at the tie of his sweatpants. He moaned in surprise and grabbed your bum, squeezing and spanking you lightly before pulling away after a few more moments of you essentially eating eachother alive to breathe. 

♡ O/S Inspo: Vervain - Use in Protection, purification, youth, peace, healing, sleep and baths. For all-purpose protection of homes and people (especially children).

♡ Summary: You & Carmy had your first baby 8 weeks ago... seeing him being so attentive and such a good father is for some reason inducing a baby fever - again.

♡ W/C: 4.6K+

♡ Posted Date: 05/09/2024

♡ A/N: OOOO hey yallllll! Capri is back - She was written by the writing bug this morning!!! I have other requests i'm still working on but for now - I am swallowing my stage fright, I hope this suffices for what you were wanting future Mrs.Berzatto eek!!! Thank you so much for requesting from me! You can see the request this one-shot is based on right ♡ here ♡ if you aren't following @carmenberzattosgf already I'm quite unsure how you found ME before you found HER go give her a freaking follow!!!I am seriously such a fangirl for her work and was over the moon when she requested me!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Pregnancy stuff, breeding kinks, talking about parenting stuff, Dad!Carmy, unedited (we die like men), NO USE OF Y/N!, AFAB/Feminine reader w/ long hair implied

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

It had been exactly 8 weeks today from when you’d given birth to your baby girl, Athena. Of course, you weren’t thinking about this yet - because you were peacefully sleeping away in bed, at 8:45 am. Each day you woke though, you were surprised your life wasn’t a dream. 

Being married to your ultimate dream man, with the most beautiful little baby and not a rush in the world. Carmy had known when you got pregnant he’d be taking some time off after you gave birth to care for you, especially since you’d been trying for a baby so he was more prepared to have everything set up. He made your life almost impossibly easy. 

Impossibly meaning it was nearly…isolating how simple your problems were compared to other moms. Since Carmy was like - the fucking golden standard of dad. You weren’t sure where he learned all this shit- especially since his father was never around and you knew for a fact didn’t treat his mother like this. You honestly felt bad complaining about anything to other moms - because in comparison when you did they were needing to do way more then you, and alone - because their husbands simply didn't care, or weren't interested in learning.

He had completely taken over the nighttime feedings, every 2 hours an alarm buzzing him awake on his watch. He would go ease little Athena awake, come back to the bedroom, gently wake you, set a boppy in your lap, help you undo your maternity bra and get her latched, and rub your back through the cramping that breastfeeding brought, whispering sweet encouragements and kissing your temple. 

After she was done eating, he would help you get situated again, bottle up the letdown milk and put it in the mini fridge he’d gotten for your bedroom for this specific purpose before bringing your daughter back to her nursery and burping her, before changing her and putting her back down - just do do it all again an hour and 15 minutes later. 

He took over the cleaning completely - your house was spotless nearly at all times, and of course you were very well fed. He would combat the exhaustion fatherhood brought by passing out next to you in bed after he brought you breakfast on a cute little tray and Athena had her morning feeding before being put down for a nap, baby monitor on his chest so he could jump up the second she fussed. 

“G’morning mama” was what woke you this morning, that and gentle kisses on your forehead. You heard quiet little coos and immediately your eyes were open on instinct, to see little Athena nuzzled up in Carmys arm like a little football and a tray of amazing smelling breakfast in your face. 

“I want my baby” you open your arms and he gently placed her on your chest to which she grunts happily and squirms her little legs, doing everything she can to lift up her head to see you. 

“She’s such a good girl mama she helped me make breakfast f’you this mornin’ she’s the best little sous ever” he cooed, looking at her beaming with happiness as he rubs her little back. 

This was what got you. You weren’t sure if it was the hormones, if it was the fact your husband looked like a fucking Greek god incarnate, or if it was just - you don’t know…human fucking nature?! Literally? But the insane level of need that you had for him - you wanted another one. 

Athena wasn’t even rolling on her side yet and you were already craving being pregnant. Well- Carmy did love your body while you were pregnant. You loved your body while pregnant, you felt sexier and more feminine and pretty and overall like a goddess. Mostly thanks to Carmy and his constant praises, and the way you two were fucking like rabbits during your pregnancy and you missed that. 

“What’s f’breakfast daddy?” You pucker your lips to which he obliges and gives you a sweet peck 

“So this mornin, Miss Athena she decided on an omelette so we have a French omelette with dill-“ he explained and you inturrupt with a giggle 

“Did you? You came up with that all on your own Athena? Such a smart girl!” You joked, kissing the top of her soft head to which she just huffed a breath to your skin and made little baby grunting noises as she wiggled her legs 

“She did! Then we also have a light cucumber salad f’you with fresh herbs ‘f’course, sourdough toast, and a banana smoothie. All made with love” he kissed the top of your head. 

Each morning after her first feeding, he would take Athena into the kitchen with him, baby wear her because he is just that perfect, and explain every little detail to her softly while he would cook breakfast, giving her head gentle kisses along the way and rubbing her back soothingly. He did the same while cooking lunch, and dinner. The first time you saw this you burst into tears at the sweetness and the beauty of creating your own family.

“Wow sweetheart thank you! This looks sooo yummy” you kissed the now drowsy baby’s nose and she smiled softly, causing you to smile and Carmy to gasp happily. 

“Look at that little smile ‘eh? Such a pretty girl” he rubbed her back gently and you carefully picked her up and put her on his chest so you could eat, to which he happily laid back, palm flat over her little back patting her soothingly. 

“Can’t wait to try this bear looks so yummy” you pull the tray in your lap and cut off a bite, trying it and nodding “course a ten.” You look at him and he huffs a laugh as to not wake the baby who was clearly ready for another nap

“Y’always say ten” he said softly and pressed his lips to Athena’s head gently, breathing in her baby smell. “Do you know what day it is?” He mumbles and looks over at you. 

“I’ve been waiting for this day for….eight weeks” you smirk and he shook his head amusedly with a smile. 

“Babe- you’ve been” he covers her tiny ears “you’ve been sucking me dry I didn’t even have a break. This is gettin’ exhausting” he joked and you laugh quietly as to not disturb the baby. 

“Not my fault you’re like- don’t get me started I need to eat and shower and shave and - today is a big day.” You said and sipped your smoothie, humming happily “this is really good seriously bear” you told him and he rubbed your hand gently before pressing it to his lips 

“Alright well that means I better get a move on then and there’s laundry t’do so I better go put ‘er down, you eat. Watch y’show ’er whatever and you can do your shower mm?” He asked and you nodded happily. 

Of course he’d oblige your every wish. He had always been this way, but became even more lenient after you’d gotten pregnant. You made sure many times through tearful guilt that he wasn’t making himself resent you, and he assured you that everything he does he wants to do and only does because of the fact that he wants to, he also assured you he could never resent you or even dislike you, or anything less then be fully in love with you. 

You had a luxurious shower, slathered on your favorite lotion and were even able to blow out your hair, putting on your favorite pair of lacy panties. You were upset you had to settle for a nursing bra, but knew Carmy wasn’t going to mind. You put on one of your comfortable slips, even put in some earrings after doing your skincare. By the time you were done Carmy was just getting Athena up from her nap and changing her diaper before bringing her in 

“Say hi mama” he takes her little hand waving it at you “did you have a nice shower?” He pecked your lips sweetly and helped you get settled with her on the bed so she could eat. 

“Very nice - thank you for taking care of everything sweetheart” you sit back, sighing softly and resting your head back “I love you” you look over at him with a sweet smile. 

“I love you beautiful, how y’feelin any cramps?” He asked and held your hand, lacing your fingers together sweetly and kissing your fingers. 

“No- well…not as bad anymore If anything when she’s not as hungry my boobs start to hurt” you explained and he nods 

“Well y’look beautiful baby, I love these on you” he gently touches your earring bringing a smile to your lips, he always notices the smallest things about you. Like he has you memorized. 

“Thank you Bear” you said softly as the baby makes little gulping suckling noises. Carmy chuckled, rubbing her belly lightly. 

“That’s the good stuff huh little? Mama’s got the golden tap” he jokes and you laughed, holding her securely 

“Stop! Stop making me laugh she’s comfy latched like this you’ll piss her off” you nudge him with your foot gently 

“It’s true! You were the one that forced me to try it. It’s sweet, I see why she likes it.” He said and you scrunch your nose, biting back giggles 

“Yes because it encourages her to eat it.” You gently brush that spot over her nose bridge and forehead, causing her eyes to flutter shut “that’s why when she’s 6 months we can’t let her have fruit for a while cause she’ll think everything’s sweet like my milk” you explained 

“Mmm…read that too in one of the books you got- it’s a good call” he thumbs over her fingers gently that were wrapped around his forefinger tightly like a baby monkey. 

“You should sleep” you told him softly. “You can have snuggles with her I’ll watch you” 

He smiled and leaned in, kissing you lovingly “thank you sweets. I can burp her s’okay. I already got the towel” he said and grabbed it from his nightstand. 

She only took a few more minutes before she slowly stopped suckling and instead went to fall right asleep but before she could you took her off and handed her over to Carmy for burping to which she fussed before she realized her dad was taking her then she relaxed again. 

After Carmy fell asleep, you went to put her down for a nap as well and put away the laundry Carmy had washed. It was about 3 hours before Athena began to fuss again and you went to get her, sitting in her rocking chair after you’d changed her and reading her a book as she ate. 

Carmy came in just as you were finishing up The Very Hungry Caterpillar “that’s a good one huh princess?” He said softly, gently caressing her cheek with his knuckle to which she fluttered her eyes open and smiled slightly before closing them again. 

“Mmhmm, that one always puts her to sleep, she stopped eating 3 pages ago but I like to let her have a little time” you said and gently pulled her off to which of course she fussed. Carmy took her, hushing her sweetly and putting her on his shoulder. 

“Y’mommy spoils you little girl” he told her, gently bouncing her as he burped her, putting a cloth on his shoulder and kissing her head. You smile slightly as you fixed your bra and nightgown 

“I’d say we both spoil her. The doctor says she’s the happiest baby she’s met” you fixed her little sock that she’d managed to wriggle down to her toes before kissing her foot 

“And the smartest and the prettiest and the most perfect “ he told her sweetly patting her back as she let out a big burp “good girl” he said and you giggled 

“That was a good one” you told her and kiss her head gently, seeing him like this with her, especially mixed with a sleep thick voice, no shirt, and messy curls - not to mention the stubble from not bothering to shave as often. He looked…delicious 

“Mmm- such a sexy daddy too” you mused, kissing his neck gently and rubbing your palm over his abs that had gone a bit softer due to spending way less time in the gym, but you loved it. 

“Yeah? Even with throw up on my shoulder mm?” He joked, and usually that would be gross - but fuck. The way he stepped up as a father constantly - everything he did was with the two of you in mind and you never even had to ask. He’d quit smoking for god sakes without you saying a word once he’d found out you were pregnant. 

“Especially. You’re so fucking amazing Carmy. Let me go to the bedroom so you can put her down but we need to talk” you told him and kissed his lips lovingly before heading back to the bedroom so he could work his magic getting her to sleep. 

It only took him 20 minutes before she was out and he came to the bedroom, carefully shutting the door behind him. “Needa talk mm? Got a feelin’ we won’t be doin much talkin’ “ he teased, throwing her spit up towel in the hamper easily and coming to lay down with you. As soon as his head hit the pillow you were straddling his lap, your hands on either of his shoulders like a hungry lioness in heat. 

“I want you to fuck another baby in me.” You said and kissed him deeply, grinding against him and running your hands over his chest and abdomen, tugging at the tie of his sweatpants. He moaned in surprise and grabbed your bum, squeezing and spanking you lightly before pulling away after a few more moments of you essentially eating eachother alive to breathe. 

“Holy fucking shit” he said, chest rising and falling quickly “what got into you- im not complaining but-“

“Get me pregnant. I love it- I love it Carmy. God I feel so fucking hot. And seeing you with our daughter being all attentive and good to her? Holy fuck baby. Mm when people look at me - when they look at us I love it. I love knowing that people know you knocked me up.” You said, kissing his neck and sucking a hickey into the stubbly skin there. He moaned softly, palming your ass and squeezing your upper thighs 

“No baby not yet - not yet mm? Y’need time to heal…we can pretend mm?” He counters and gently brushed your hair back. You whine and pout, pulling back and looking at him 

“No. I want it now get me pregnant now.” You beg and hold his hands “pleeease I’m all healed remember? It’s 8 weeks.” You said and kissed over his tattoos, hoping you were distracting enough to get him to agree.  

“Mm yup you can have me inside you again, but doctor said having another baby so fast would cause them to have low birth weight. We don’t want that for our babe no? Also y’breastfeeding babe. The chances of you getting pregnant are super low” he said and you huff, sitting up frustratedly 

“You really know how to turn a girl off, you know that right? Can’t you pretend to satisfy your wife? Don’t you think I know?! Do you think I’m stupid?” You snip and he raised his brows 

“Y’gettin sassy w’me?” He questioned lowly and squeezed your hips “fix the attitude” he ordered and you bit back a smile. 

“No.” You crossed your arms “I don’t have one” you snip “you’re being mean t’me. Y’being mean to your wife” you teased, shoving his shoulder into the pillow playfully. 

“Ohh” he chuckled a bit “did you just push me?” He mused, grabbing your wrist firmly but not enough to hurt, just enough to show you he was willing to play. 

“What would you do about it if I said yes?” You leaned in so close your noses were touching. 

“You’d be in trouble” he smirked, leaning in and tugging your bottom lip between his teeth and sucking and nibbling it gently the way drove you wild. You moaned softly, your eyes fluttering shut. The feeling went straight to your core, warmth flooding your abdomen and your clit twitching with excitement. 

“Please” you said softly, well as much as you could mumble with one lip the other still being assaulted by Carm who was very much enjoying the way you were squirming in his lap to get any kind of friction you could. 

He finally releases you “please what angel?” He spanks you lightly “what d’y’need mm?” He lifted your nightgown over your ass and squeezed the flesh, reaching under you and cupping your heat. He hummed at the feeling of dampness already soaking the lace, collecting as much as he could on his fingers. 

“I need you t’fill me up again. Fuckin breed me make me a mommy again mm?” You begged, grinding against his hand - not even caring about the whorish filthy moans falling from your lips. You’d been fantasizing about this for weeks now, the relief of his hand- his wonderful calloused, thick, muscular hand, felt like it was enough to send you into a full orgasm just from the pressure his fingers were giving. 

“Holy fuck y’soaked babe- my god” he groaned, pulling your panties to the side and gently rubbing circles into your swollen throbbing clit that was already twitching. Your hips buck and you bit down on your hand to hold in a cry as to not wake the baby. The next 3 or so minutes you couldn’t even remember what you said as he rubbed firm quick circles over your clit and after not having been touched for nearly 3 months - you were cumming on his hand mumbling his name, and profanities that would likely be considered sacrilegious while whimpering and squirming, thighs shivering - the whole 9. 

“Wow” he muttered, and if your orgasm wasn’t so intense you would probably have laughed at how amazed he sounded. “Y’good?” He rubs your stomach gently and you nod quickly, trying to even your breathing. 

“Fuck-“ you said once you came down “I literally blacked out for a second I think-“ you laughed and he followed suit, carefully laying you down after tucking 2 pillows under your hips to keep you elevated and tugging your panties off. 

“Shit babe y’get all soft on me?” He teased, carefully wrapping your thighs around his waist and pushing down his boxers and sweats just enough to let his cock free. You loved this. It all felt so normal, you were worried it would be awkward getting in bed again, but you two were picking up right where you left off. 

“I think you’re underestimating how sensitive hormones make you” you said as he kissed over your stomach and hips, licking a stripe up your heat causing you to gasp and grip the sheets tightly , your core clenching around nothing. Each touch felt like the power of a lightning strike, it was so much better than before. It had to be the hormones, but shit - now that you knew how good this felt you were worried you could never get enough of him. 

“I guess I was. Also y’super sweet now by the way - sweeter then before I should say” he spread you wider with his fingers to lap up more of your arousal and you look down at him, moaning at the sight. 

“God I fuckin missed you between my thighs - you’re so pretty” you smile, watching as he strokes himself as he continues to pleasure you first per usual. “Can you- try inside?” You asked gently and he looked up at you, resting his cheek on your thigh. 

“You’re ready for that?” He asked softly, his lips and chin glistening with slick. 

“Yeah- uh…try one? Maybe just one at first” you said sheepishly and he nodded, licking his lips 

“Course sweetheart, tell me if s’too much yeah?” He assured and rubbed over you gently before easing a finger over your entrance. 

The feeling was…well. 

It was similar to the uncomfort of your first time, which - if that was the case then it would just take a few times to feel good again. “How’s it feel?” He gently sucks your clit as he eases to the second knuckle, curling gently 

“Mm- okay? Not like it used to. But kinda like it used to…maybe it’ll feel better the more we do it” you assure and he nods a bit, flicking his tongue over your sensitive bud in the way that always got you to open up to him and you gasped lightly, back arching and core going lax. He slipped the final knuckle in and placed a kiss to your mound before slowly pumping as to not overstimulate you. 

“Yeah- mmm yeah” you breathe as it started to feel more familiar, the muscles loosening once again and relaxing. “Another- you can try another.” You told him and gently lace your fingers in his hair. He carefully eased in his forefinger, curling them against your g-spot and your thigh twitches, you nearly sobbed at the feeling that shot through your body at the contact. 

“Oh- okay found it-” he chuckled a bit “sorry did it hurt?” He asked and you shook your head quickly 

“Again” you said softly, trying to remain all of your control because you knew as soon as you lost it finding it would be nearly impossible and you two had a sleeping tiny human 1 room over. 

“Y’feel a lot tighter” he said, pumping his fingers slower, curling them against that fantastic spongey spot each time and you felt that coil in your belly tightening rapidly and it was going to snap now, any moment. “Y’like gushing right now” he chuckled, but it fell on deaf ears because your mind was fuzzy with pleasure. 

You couldn’t form a thought even if you tried, the mixture of his tongue sloppily drooling all over your clit as he padded over it, and the jolt of pleasure each curl of his fingers - it was a place long forgotten since your baby had been born since your priorities had both been changed and refocused for the time being. You weren’t able to warn him, you couldn’t do anything other then mutter his name as your orgasm washed over you so hard he had to hold your legs open so you didn’t crush him by mistake. 

“Fuck me- fuck me baby please Jesus- fuck me” you found yourself begging as you fluttered your eyes open and he was looking up at you in amazement like an owl, mouth slightly agape. 

“Holy shit” he muttered “you’ve never cum like that- what the fuck- I thought I almost killed you” he kissed your thigh and you laugh, a real laugh, chest rising and falling quickly as the aftershock of your orgasm reels back mixed with your giggles. 

“Please. Please” you cup his cheeks “cum inside me” you beg. He trailed kisses up your body, meeting your lips and pulling you into a hot, messy kiss. Mixed with clashing teeth and mixing of spit and sucking of tongues, before lining himself up and carefully pushing his tip in. You whimpered into his mouth and he pulled his lips away from yours, a small string of saliva connecting you both 

“Did I hurt you?” He asked worriedly and you shook your head

“Feels so good bear. Keep goin’ fuck I f’got how full I can feel” you pulled your lips back to his and felt him smile into your lips, holding your hand and lacing your fingers as his other hand worked on rubbing circles into your clit. He kept you quiet by making out with you as he thrusted in fully, staying still for a moment so you could adjust to the sensation once more. 

He grunts, feeling your walls flutter around him and you giggle in response, causing him to moan at the feeling of your walls squeezing around him “shit don’t do that I’ll fuckin cum”

“Then move dummy!” You push your heels into his ass and he chuckled, thrusting slowly in and out, nearly to the tip, before thrusting all the way back in to the hilt- his balls touching the curve of your ass 

“ are y’fuckin kickin me like a horse?” He teased as your back arched off the bed, a whiny moan tearing from your throat and he covers your mouth quickly, “here y’are beggin me t’fuck a second one int’you- y’haven’t even learned how t’be quiet for the first. The baby is sleeping.” He grumbled, and the way he was getting rough with you to protect your baby was enough to throw you into your third orgasm, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes from the overstimulation of your clit, whining and squirming beneath his grasp. 

“Y’gonna be quiet? Er do I have to keep you muzzled ‘mm?” He teased, removing his hand from your mouth 

“Promise- I promise- please please please Carmy - give me another one I promise I’ll be so quiet” you said softly, your voice pleading and begging. He moaned, thrusting a bit harder 

“Can y’take it? Mm? Are y’sure Y’can take me again princess? Last time I knocked you up it took quite a few months a’you face down, ass up, full a’my cum. Nights at a time. Y’don’t remember how you’d whine about how sore you’d get while you were ovulating? Mmm? Fuck you so full y’get sore- fuckin y’four er five times a’day?” he grabs your face, forcing you to look at him with mushed cheeks. 

You whine pathetically, mumbling little ‘yes’ ‘mmhmm’ and ‘please’  you manage to get out an “I miss that so much Carmy” you whimper as he cages you in with his arms, his chain dangling in your face and brushing against your chin as his thrusts get sloppier. 

“Yeah? You miss bein full a’my cum? Y’miss wakin’ up in the mornin’ drippin’ w’me honey?” He mutters into your neck, feeling droplets of your sweat mixing together as your bodies rubbed with his incredibly deep thrusts, nearly laying over you. But Carmy was the most comfortable blanket you could ever ask for. 

“So much- so so much baby. Y’know Athena would be such a good sister- she needs a little friend mm? Y’gonna give your girl what she wants?” You scratch down his back as he pounds right into your g-spot, “oh I’m gonna cum” you whined, back arching and chest pressing flush to his. 

“Fuck - fuck- yes. Yes baby. Fuck m’gonna fuck you full I promise- fuck I’ll give you whatever you want baby I fuckin love you I love you” he moans into your neck, whimpering softly as he shoots hot thick ropes of cum deep inside you, fucking you through your fourth orgasm of the day, rubbing over your belly gently “gonna fuckin stretch this belly out again mm?” He growled hotly in your ear and you giggle, slapping his back playfully. 

“You're so funny talking about wanting to wait” you said and he huffs a laugh into your neck. 

“Yeah yeah. Legs up- Thena’s gonna be hungry soon so Y’can only prop up there f’r like half an hour” he said and helped you put the pillows against the headboard with your hips on them so you were at an angle and rest your legs up on it to let gravity do its thing.  It wasn’t surprising to you, but he absolutely wasn’t opposed to another one so soon after a little convincing.

[dancingtotuyo]

9. the fear of what's to come

Woman | Joel Miller x Female Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: You and Joel navigate life changing news.

Tags: Joel Miller X Female Reader. Age Gap (13/14 years). HBO Characters. Mostly cannon compliant for show & game. Timeline is changed.

Chapter Warnings: pregnancy, pregnancy symptoms, mentions of potential pregnancy complications including but not limited to miscarriage and stillbirth, single reference to a fetus being a child (not intended in a pro life way), angst, grief, complicated feelings surrounding pregnancy.

Notes: A huge thanks to my amazing beta readers and friends @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin & @janaispunk

If you have not checked out Before, I would encourage you to do so for more backstory on our dear reader!

Words: 3088

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Playlist

You know three weeks after your missed period what is happening. It’s not hard to figure out. It’s just like last time. Menopause crosses your mind briefly, but the symptoms don’t line up. You’re sensitive to the same foods, nausea rolls in and out like the ocean tides throughout the day. The insatiable craving for a tomato sandwich cements it two days later. Tears run down your cheeks as you quickly finish off the sandwich and prepare another. 

You don’t get excited. You don’t make plans, and most importantly, you don’t tell Joel. You’re 45. Joel is in his late 50s. You know the statistics, the pre-end-of-the-world ones. You can’t imagine they’ve improved. 

Instead, you just hope that when it happens, nothing goes wrong. There’s no DNC, no pills to make sure everything passes properly or ensure no infection sets in. You’ve aided many women through this, many much younger than yourself. Some make it just fine, others have complications with nothing but prayer, poultices, and 20-year-old antibiotics to help. You’re not sure what actually does it when the women make it through. Some of them you've buried. Their faces flicker through your mind. You cannot be one of them. You cannot leave Carter without either of his parents in this world.  

You tell Maria. You tell her everything she needs to know. What to do step by step when it happens. Since Adam’s injury, Dr. Pooley refuses to practice anything more than simple first aid. You’re both certain it’s dementia. You spend most mornings listening to him talk through different lectures he attended. On the mornings his brain won’t cooperate, you sip tea together. He’s writing down what he remembers, but you have to fact-check it. He’s already taught you most of it anyway. 

“You have to tell Joel,” Maria says when you tell her. 

You refuse. You won’t do it. You won’t bring him into this. You have this silent agreement that you’re partners in this world, but he still lives in the house across the street with Ellie. There’s never been discussions about moving in together or anything past that. You don’t call him your boyfriend. He doesn’t call you his girlfriend. Making those commitments, those plans, it will hurt too much when the world takes him away. 

Carter calls him “Daddy.” It makes Joel smile every time. He’s accepted that commitment. It makes you smile too, but there’s still a little ache in your heart each time. Carter knows about Gabe. You tell him stories all the time. If you ask him, he says he has two daddies. One here and one in heaven. 

But you won’t tell Joel about this child. He’s lost one. He doesn’t need to lose another. 

Maria fights you on it. She looks at her son pointing out that she was 2 years older than you are now when he was born healthy. You don’t remind her she almost died, but she sees it in your eyes. You still have nightmares about that night.

You’re firm. You’re not going to tell Joel. Neither will she, and she damn sure won’t tell Tommy either. 

You wait for the cramps and the blood, but they never come. You hit the 3-month mark, your 2nd trimester at the beginning of October. You don’t cry in the bathroom. You square your shoulders. Second-trimester miscarriages happen. Stillbirths happen, but hope gathers in the depths of your soul, growing with each day. You push it away with logic and reasoning. 

Two sides of you war against each other. You can’t bring another life into this world. At one point you were okay with it. You felt safe here, and while you still do, it doesn’t feel okay anymore. The world still digs its ugly claws into this community. Yet, the hopes you used to hold in your mind, the ones you had with Gabe, and the ones you had before the outbreak still linger. In a perfect, uncomplicated world, this is what you would choose. 

You hide the sickness from Joel with relative ease. He’s often awake and out of bed before you for patrol shifts, early morning chores, or waking up with Carter so you can sleep in.

You deliver the Crosby twins a week later without complications. Melissa is only a couple of years younger than you, but at your age, you know how crucial those few years are. When you finally reach your front porch, you sit in the darkness of Wyoming and finally let the tears fall because fate seems to be telling you that this is happening, or just sending you another person to lose. The realization hits you like a freight train. Time is up. You have to tell Joel. 

You crack open the door to Carter’s bedroom. He’s sound asleep and it relieves you to know he's here. You’re less on edge when he’s close, and It means Joel picked him up from Maria and Tommy’s. It means Joel is in your bed.

Sure enough, he’s there when you creep in. He sleeps on his side curled up over your pillow. You roll your eyes. Yes, it's endearing, but it’s also a pain in the ass to get your pillow back.

The bathroom light is blinding at first, but your eyes slowly adjust as you turn on the shower and steam fills the space. Goosebumps spread across your skin as you undress, catching sight of yourself in the mirror. You’ve noticed the subtle changes in your body over these past couple of months, but they’re becoming more noticeable. Your breasts have grown, they’re so sensitive, and your sports bra pulls at the seams. Joel commented on it last week. You joked you were packing on extra weight for winter acting like it was nothing. 

Your favorite pair of jeans no longer fit. You’ve mostly stuck to leggings since. You’re starting to clock the subtle changes in your body. They’re happening faster than with your last pregnancy. The past week, you’ve shut Joel down sexually, scared he would catch on despite your sex drive skyrocketing. It’s been difficult. 

The shower washes away everything: the sweat and grime of the day, your tears, the tension in your muscles. You stand under the water until it runs cold, slipping on Joel’s worn soft t-shirt.

Your pillow is back on your side of the bed, Joel still on his side. A smile creeps onto your face. He keeps his eyes closed, but you know he’s awake. You don’t say anything as you slide into bed, but your anxiety spikes, your heart fluttering in your chest. You have to tell him. 

You’re staring at the ceiling when he breaks the silence. “What happened?” 

You suck in a breath. He thinks something went wrong tonight. He’s probably preparing to dig a grave. “Nothing, mom and babies are fine.”

“So it was twins?” 

“Yeah.” You had suspected as much, but the ultrasound machine doesn’t work, try as you might to get it operational. You hadn’t been able to find a second heartbeat with the Doppler. 

“So what’s buggin you?” His drawl is deeper, soaked with sleep. 

He scoots a little closer, hot breath tickling your ear. You can’t move. You should look him in the eye when you tell him, but you can’t. The words are at the back of your throat surging forward toward your lips. The anxiety in your chest feels like a herd of buffalo stomping across the countryside. You squeeze your eyes shut to try and stop it.

“Sweetheart?” His hand reaches toward you, eyes trained on your profile as concern laces his brow. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

His hand stops over your arm. You feel its warmth so close, and then it goes away. You dare to look at him. You expect him to get out of bed and bolt. You don’t know why. He’s only shown you otherwise the entirety of your relationship, but this is more than either of you signed up for. Instead, you watch as it sinks in. He connects the dots, all the symptoms and signs that were right in front of his face, his subconscious absorbing them, but refusing to put it all together. 

“I’m sorry,” you say.

You look back toward the ceiling, tears slipping from your eyes. 

His hand covers your abdomen, forehead pressing against your temple. He starts to feel the changes to your body for what they are. You shudder. 

“How long have you known?”

There’s not a trace of judgment or fear in his voice, but it does little to assure you. You’re scared. It doesn’t matter what Joel says or does, the fear is overwhelming. 

“Beginning of August.”

“Shit, baby.” He pulls you into him, cradling your head against his chest. “You didn’t have to carry this alone.”

“I didn’t think it would last.” After months of holding the tears back, you finally let them out, a mix of relief and fear. “I didn’t- I didn’t want you to-” 

You can’t finish it. You can’t say it out loud, but Joel knows what you’re trying to say. You didn’t want him to lose another child, and it wrecks him. His grip on you is crushing, but it soothes your shaking frame. Just as you come down, his sobs greet your ear because he’s scared too. Every single fear and anxiety that has come over you the past months, he feels too. Maria’s labor and delivery flash through his mind. If that happens to you, who’s going to save you? 

You reach up to cradle his face. He presses into your neck. Your skin is sticky and salty again, but you don’t even think about it as the man you love and can’t tell cries in your arms. You’re unable to return his soothing squeeze, but you lay there to provide any comfort you can. The two of you fall asleep tangled in each other. 

You feel Joel’s fingers dancing across your abdomen before you’re fully conscious. There’s no rhyme or reason to his movements. His other hand brushes over your temple and through your hair. Every once in a while you feel his breath and lips across your neck, up and down your arm, over your collarbone. It feels like he’s memorizing you, fear present in all of his movements even now. 

You finally open your eyes. His movements still as you look at him. There are tears in his eyes as his head falls forward, resting against yours. “I’m scared.”

“Me too.” You reach out, nails raking across his arm. 

He shudders under your touch. “I wish you told me sooner.” 

You bit your lips. “I’m sorry.” 

He lets out a deep sigh, kissing your forehead. His hand drifts to your abdomen again. You watch his eyes, so expressive filled with fear and anxiety and maybe a little bit of awe and guilt?

“I should’ve been more careful.”

You press your head to his, inhaling softly. “We.”

Joel’s fingers scrape along your jaw, his beard rough against your chin. “I like being a we.”

“Me too.”

Silence settles between the two of you. The wind knocks against the window, but it’s warm next to Joel. His arm snakes around you, tugging you closer to him. 

“I suppose you’ve told Maria?”

You can’t hide the guilty smile on your lips. “If it makes a difference, she told me I needed to tell you right away. Pretty sure she was gonna tell you herself if I didn’t do it soon.” You mess with the collar of his shirt. 

“How long do we have?”

“Figure it’ll be May. If we get that far.” You say. Joel nods and something clenches around your heart, a need to protect him, warn him of the danger. “You know there’s a lot of risks. No guarantee…” 

“One day at a time.” He kisses your cheek but you see all the fear he’s pushing away plastered to his face like a movie poster. 

Joel asks you how you are, but other than that, you don’t talk about it. You feel like a weight has lifted off your shoulders but there’s an anvil hanging above your head, waiting to drop at a moment’s notice. 

You’ve outgrown your last pair of jeans. When you manage to trade with someone, they give you a look, like they know what’s going on inside your body. 

You take more naps, sometimes at the clinic, sometimes on the couch. You’re constantly tired. Maria brings dinner to the house every few days. She never asked, but you don’t complain. 

One evening you open your eyes to find Ellie staring down at you, worry etched in her features. It startles you at first. 

“You’ve been sleeping a lot lately,” She says. 

“You’ve noticed?” You pull yourself into a seated position. It feels like someone shoved a bunch of cotton into your mouth. You reach for the now room-temperature water on your end table. 

“You only take naps when you’re sick or depressed.” You raise an eyebrow at her. She crosses her arms as if to say she knows you’re neither right now. “What’s going on?”

You finish off the water. Despite its temperature, it helps. “I’m fine.” You reach out, placing a hand on her shoulder, but it does nothing. At 17 years old, Ellie is turning into a woman before your very eyes. At times, you’re convinced any semblance of childhood has been replaced with adulthood, but there are other times you still see the slivers of the girl you met two and a half years ago. Right now, she’s the one sitting in front of you.  

“Bullshit. What’s going on? You and Joel have been acting weird.”

Had things really been that different in the past couple of weeks? You open your mouth to speak, unsure of what to say. You and Joel hadn’t talked about telling anyone, which seemed silly. You can’t hide this forever. 

The door opens and Carter bursts in with Joel on his heels. A smile instantly finds your lips. 

“Mommy! Look!” He holds up a package of seemingly new Crayola crayons. 

Your eyes widen with exaggeration. “Wow, buddy. That’s awesome.”

“John Lacy found a bunch of them on patrol. They handed them out today,” Joel smiles. “Grabbed you some colored pencils.” He hands a set of non-crayola pencils to Ellie.

“Thanks.” She smiles but is still distracted by her worry over you. 

Carter crawls up beside you, eagerly pulling out the surprisingly intact crayons one by one. Joel leans over to kiss your cheek and tousles Ellie’s hair. She makes a face of displeasure but doesn’t fight him on it.

“You two look like you were talkin about somethin serious.”

“I was trying to figure out why the two of you have been acting weird,” Ellie says. 

Joel’s drops to unreadable. He looks at you and you shrug in response. “We have to tell them eventually.”

Worry makes its home on Ellie’s face. “So something is wrong with you.with you.”

“Nothing is wrong with me.” You sigh deeply. You run your fingers over Carter’s head, kissing it. 

“You’re sure acting like there is,” She says impatiently.

“Ellie,” Joel reprimands, traces of his asshole voice laced into it. 

Ellie bites her lip. It looks like she might be fighting off tears as she looks directly at you. “I’m worried about you.”

You force a smile, leaning forward. Your forearms rest on your knees. One would think it would get easier to say each time. Instead, it’s like picking at a scab that’s not healed. You’re forcing yourself to say something, your brain isn’t ready to accept. “I’m pregnant.”

Ellie sits up straighter, her eyes widen with shock. “Oh wow…”

You wonder if the pictures fill her mind too. She saw Maria the night Elias was born. She saw the blood that covered you. Joel’s fingers brush over your shoulder, squeezing it lightly before they run over the back of your neck. You lean against him. “I’m sorry we worried you. We’re still getting used to the idea,” You say. 

She nods and then her arms around your neck. She basically knocks you backward with the force of it. “I’m glad you’re not dying.”

You squeeze her tightly, a faint lilt of humor in your voice. “Me too.”

Then her voice drops to a whisper right at your ear. “You’ll be okay. I know you will.”  

Your head rests on Joel’s bare chest that night. The full moon sends light drifting through your window, casting the room in a cool glow. You play absentmindedly with the hair on his chest. His heart beats under your ear. The room is otherwise silent. 

“I told Tommy today.” 

You nod. 

“He wanted to know why I was so quiet. Told him I was always quiet.”

That pulls a smile across your lips. “Surprised he shut up long enough to notice.”

Joel chuckles. His arm around you tightens. His lips find your forehead. “I know we’re not ready to think too much about it.”

“Don’t think it’s something we can really ignore.” You nuzzle further into him. 

“Baby steps.” He kisses your nose this time.

You quirk an eyebrow. “Baby steps? Really?” You flip onto your stomach while you still can.

He chuckles. “Poor word choice.”

You kiss his bicep and then his shoulder. He looks at you like your entire world and your stomach erupts in butterflies and twists in knots all at the same time. You still won’t let him say it, but you feel it every time he looks at you like that. 

You rest your chin on his shoulder. “What are these steps you had in mind?”

His thumb traces over your jaw and cheek. “Don’t bolt on me, okay?”

“I think it’s a little late for that.”

He chuckles and then inhales deeply. “I think we should probably share a house. I figured you’d prefer to stay here, but it’s up to you.” He searches your eyes for any signs of panic or signs that you might shut down but finds nothing. In fact, you’re so calm that it’s hard to read. 

“It would be nice to have you officially living here,” you say. It feels right to say, to think about. “And Ellie if she wants.” 

“That was easier than I’d thought it would be.”

“You pretty much live here as is.” You turn on your side, nuzzling back into him. “I’ll miss your fireplace though.”

Joel smiles. “Guess I'll just have to keep you warm instead.” 

[thatacotargirl]

Hiii, I saw your posts about taking requests! (loving Shadows and Surprises btw 👏)

How about a nice fluffy one-shot (take your pick of the bat-boys 😊) where reader wakes up on her cycle with bloody sheets and bad cramps, and she starts apologising about the sheets but she's in a lot of pain, but he immediately takes care of her and pampers her (changes sheets, runs her a bath, gives tea and chocolate, lots of cuddles and kisses, etc)

Ahhh I love this, it's so cute! Thank you so much for the request - I hope enjoy!

Inbox is open for requests so please do send any through!

Warnings: blood, vomit, general pain (?)

To the Ends of the Earth

A Cassian x Reader Imagine

It had been a few months since Rhysand had introduced you to his Inner Circle. What started off as a small part-time job working on his accounts and book-keeping turned into a full-time lifestyle. After the first 2 weeks of proving yourself invaluable to him and his Court, Rhys invited you to move into the House of Wind and work alongside him full-time. Your tiny studio apartment with mould, rats, and goodness knows what else inside the walls was not the most luxurious of lifestyles, and you had already grown so attached to the rest of the Inner Circle that you jumped at the opportunity. It also helped that you had developed a teeny tiny crush on the delicious male that was Cassian, so living in the same home as him made life just that little bit sweeter.

Life had, truthfully, never been better.

Yet today, you felt sluggish. Tired. Frustrated. And what made it worse was that you had no reason to feel that way. You had slept well, eaten well, trained that morning - you should be at the peak of your health. But today was finding every possible way to challenge you. After confusing an 8 for a 3 for the third time that afternoon, you threw your pen across the study in complete exasperation. What was going on!

At that moment, the study door cracked on a touch, and the familiar scent of Cassian wafted in.

"Are you ok in here y/n? I heard a bang?". A bang was an understatement considering you had chucked a gigantic book on the floor in your frustration that near shook the House.

"Yes I am fine" you replied through gritted teeth, refusing to turn and look at him. You had tears in your eyes for reasons you could not explain, and you didn't want him to see you like that. Why on earth were you now crying over a 3?!

Cassian walked over to you and gently held your chin, pulling your face to look at him. You breathed in his scent, feeling an instant calm, and took a deep breath. When your eyes met his, Cassian looked at you with concern.

"You look exhausted, y/n, have you been sleeping?" he asked.

"Yes, Cassian, I have been sleeping - I think I'm just having a bad day that's all" you replied, a little too harshly, pulling your eyes away from his so he couldn't see the tears re-forming in response to his gentle worrying. You response made Cassian's concern grow, so he bent down, scooped you off the chair, and carried you out of the study.

"CASSIAN PUT ME DOWN" you shouted, smacking at his shoulders, mindful to avoid his wings.

"Not a chance. You look like you need to sleep, and considering you nearly bit my head off when I asked, I am insisting that you at least humour me with a one hour nap" he retorted, carrying you up the stairs to the second floor. You noticed that you passed your own bedroom door, and had been walked straight into Cassian's. He put you down on his bed and walked over to draw his curtains. You started to protest, but you couldn't deny that his bed was particularly comfy, and his scent had such a calming effect on you that your lids were already getting heavy.

"Sleep", Cassian said, pulling the duvet up to your chin. "I will wake you in an hour".

You wanted to argue back, but you hadn't truly realised how tired you were, and with the warmth, the scent, the darkness, the quiet, you found yourself quickly drifting off for your Cassian-prescribed nap.

-

The door creaked open exactly one hour late, and Cassian froze. He couldn't sense a threat, couldn't see anyone in his room besides you still curled up asleep in his bed, but he could scent blood. He padded over to you, concern lacing his voice as he gentle called your name and shook your shoulder to wake you.

"y/n? It's been an hour, are you ready to get up?" he asked, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. You stirred and slowly leant up on your elbows, peering at him with half-asleep eyes. You opened your mouth to respond, but suddenly felt yourself hit with an intense stomach cramp and your mouth watered with nausea. You flew from the bed, pushing Cassian to the side as you headed straight for his bathroom. A few moments later and Cassian was beside you, holding your hair and rubbing your back.

When you had finished, he carefully leaned you back against the edge of the bathtub.

"Are you ok?" he asked, his face etched with worry.

"Better now I think", you replied, "I'm so sorry Cassian I don't know what came over me, maybe I ate something funny, I was feeling a bit off all day before you found me".

"So when I asked if you were ok earlier, you lied" he said, although the corners of his mouth tipped up into a small smile.

"Potentially" was all you could get out, before another wave of pain and nausea took over your body and you crawled back towards the toilet.

"I'm just going to head down and get you a glass of water, ok? Stay here" he ordered, before turning quickly on his heels and heading out.

After you had finished, Cassian still hadn't returned, so you decided to hoist yourself up and get back into his bed, feeling a bit better on the nausea side - although still having some stomach cramps. It was when you reached the side of the bed you had been sleeping on that you looked down and saw the large pool of blood covering the bed sheets. Gazing down, you realised it was not only covering the bed, but also covering you - bright red coating the entire inside seam of your pale blue leggings, almost down to your knees. You shook violently, panic and embarrassment taking over your entire body. You quickly threw Cassian's pillows on the floor and started to tear at the bedding, wanting to get it off and change it as quickly as you could before he could realise, but you had barely got half of the bed sheet off the giant bed before Cassian re-appeared in the doorway.

You turned to face him, a tray in his hands, and crumpled onto the floor. This is exactly what you needed today - the hot General that you have a major crush on has tried to do something nice for you and you have completely put your foot in it and destroyed his bed. Great. Just fab.

"Hey hey" Cassian quickly put the tray on his desk before dropping down to your level. "What's the matter?" he asked. You couldn't even get the words out between your sobs, gesturing blindly at the bed and yourself. You hid your face in your hands, utterly mortified.

Cassian's confusion was so evident that you dared to glance up at him. "Are you ok?" was all he asked. You nodded, then shook your head, then resumed sobbing. He pulled you into his chest and let you continue until your tears turned to small sniffs.

"I guessed when I opened the door" he said quietly, his hands stroking through your hair. "Your mad dash to the toilet was all the confirmation I needed - you almost sent me flying off the bed and, whilst I train you well, you're not normally that strong" he teased.

"I'm so sorry" was all you could get out, head still buried in his chest.

"Nonsense, what is there to be sorry about?" he asked.

"I ruined your bed".

Cassian laughed and helped you both stand up. "I quite literally cause people to bleed for a living. A bit on my bed is hardly cause for concern". He guided you over to the tray he had brought upstairs.

"So, I have got you some peppermint tea to help with the nausea, Rhys gave me a tonic he gives to Feyre to help with the pain - but he said Feyre always complains about how bad it tastes, so there's a lemon drop sweet for after just in case - and I stole a slice of Elain's chocolate cake that was in the fridge because I thought you might like that - oh and some cheese. I'm not sure why, but I thought you might want some, I always think cheese helps make any situation better, but maybe not if you've been sick..."

He was so excited as he showed you all the goodies he had found for you that your embarrassment fell away completely, even though you realised he must have announced your situation to the entire house downstairs. Before you could make any comment, he grasped your shoulders and walked you back to the bathroom, where the House had run you a lavender scented bath.

"Hop in the bath, freshen up, and you can enjoy the cake" he said, with a beam. He handed you a fresh set of pyjamas he had taken from your room and closed the door behind himself to give you some privacy.

After your soak, you changed and headed back into his bedroom. The sheets were fresh, with no sign of your incident, and Cassian was lounging on his side with a book in hand. You noticed that the book you had been reading, a smutty romance recommended by the House, was resting on the other pillow. Cassian must have grabbed it from your room when he got the pyjamas. He smiled at you when you came back and offered you a hand to climb onto the bed next to him.

"You are staying in here tonight, ok?" he said, "I don't want you to be alone and refuse help if you need it, especially since you were so stubborn earlier".

You laughed, quite happy to stay in Cassian's bed. He pulled the tray over to you both and offered you the peppermint tea and a fork for the chocolate cake.

"OH WAIT, take the tonic first!" he said, handing it to you. Feyre was right, it was disgusting. But, it did help the dull ache in your stomach, enough so that you were able to happily enjoy your slice of stolen chocolate cake. You made a mental note to apologise to Elain tomorrow.

After you were quite full and content, and had settled down to read for a while, you felt your eyes getting heavy again. Cassian noticed, and pulled you into him. You revelled in the comfort, enjoying every moment of it - you didn't think you'd ever get another chance to be this close to him and you certainly weren't going to pass it up.

"Sleep", he said "it'll help". He started to read aloud from his book, helping you to ease into a deep, deep sleep. One of the best sleeps of your life.

"Thank you, Cassian, for everything" you mumbled, eyes closed.

"You are welcome, y/n" he replied, pulling you closer to his body.

You were silent then, your body and eyes heavy, your brain slowly quieting and shutting down for the night. You felt Cassian lean down, assuming you had fallen asleep, and place a gentle kiss on the top of your head. As sleep called to you, you heard him very quietly whisper into the dark, "I would go to the ends of the Earth for you, y/n".

[seris-circle]

The Other Woman 

 Drew starkey x femreader

Summary: After seeing the most recent post of drew in Italy, y/n begins to worry about them and the distance. 

Warnings: pregnancy, thoughts of cheating, swearing, angst, Odessa

Life wasn't too enjoyable as the june heat of california began to ramp up at the same time as the final stretch of the pregnancy. Swollen ankles and excess sweat, you were miserable. Drew not being there made it worse. Of course, your mother was there, but without drew to hold you like usual or dote on you every waking moment of the day, it left you feeling alone, especially in the most important weeks of your pregnancy. 

Luckily, your best friend, Danica, was in town and visiting. Danica was there to stay with you during the times when your mother was out running errands or even just having a day to herself, like times like now. your mom had gone to the grocery store to get your most recent cravings. 

This left you and Danica alone to reflect on life. After having lunch together they had spent the rest of the day lounging on the living room couch in the AC. Scrolling on their phones as most do in the company of others until Danica broke the silence. 

“Ooh, would you look at who’s in Italy?” she said turning her phone towards you. She revealed an insta story of Odessa and her friend Tyler walking the streets of Rome. 

“Good for her” you responded after looking at the post. then back to scrolling. 

“Are you serious y/n/n, that doesn’t irritate you? Odessa does seem to have the reputation of being sus around drew.” Danica pressed. you huffed and looked up at Danica. 

“Dee, it's fine. Drew loves me and he would be stupid to let her do anything. Even so, if she were to make a move on an engaged man that has a child on the way I… ” you choked on your words. It is known that Odessa gets close to most of her male friends, including Drew. After they had starred in a film together, she had been at every event that he was at to the point where fans believed that they were a thing. This sent a weird thought in your head and with the hormones wreaking havoc on your emotions, you began to tear up. Danica looked at you waiting for you to finish the sentence. “I would… I don’t know yet. It will come to me, but I shouldn’t have to because drew would never even think of doing that.” You finished. You then went to your phone and began sending a text to Drew. 

‘Missing you soooo much right now.’ 

‘But this mix of baby and heat is really making me hate you for doing this to me’ 

You sent the texts giggling to yourself, putting your phone down and began rubbing your belly. The baby girl that occupied your womb was so close to arrival and you were cherishing every moment of it but couldn’t wait until you could hold her in your arms. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours had passed and you arrived back home after shopping for babygirl’s nursery with Danica. Still no response back from Drew or even an answer to your Facetime to get his opinion on rocking chair pillows, you began to get some symptoms of worry, one being heartburn but one that gave a cramp near her heart. you tried washing that feeling away with the reasoning of time differences and the possibility of him still shooting to ease the worry. Some time though had passed since you had been in the store you tried again. 

Settling yourself in your room upstairs away from your mother and Danica, you dialed Drew’s number on Facetime. Yeah, it was 2 in the morning his time but Drew was an insomniac and was most likely awake. After 3 rings, the call was answered. 

“Hey baby” Drew yelled over loud music, clearly he was at a club, but he still answered. 

“Hi,” you responded with a small smile. “How are you doing? You haven’t answered texts.”

“Yeah, sorry. My phone was on silent all day, shooting went late” he replied trying to apologize. 

“You shot all day and you still went out? I’d think you’d at least want one of those trailer naps you love” You said trying to come off jokingly but there was lots of concern laced in your voice.

“Yeah but for some reason, I'm wired and a couple of the crew members wanted to get drinks. Forget about me, how are you and baby doing? Anything happen today?” He went on, looking around once in a while to scope his surroundings. 

“We’re ok, I sent you a text about the heat but that's about it. I bought some pillows for her nursery and tried calling you about it but you didn't answer so I just grabbed all of them.” He could hear the slight irritation in your voice so he focused completely on the screen. “Danica’s still in town so we went out to lunch too, but I haven’t been able to eat and-” you were cut off by another person’s voice in the call. It was a woman's voice, a voice you knew a little too well. “Who’s that?” You asked.

“Mmmh?” Drew responded while he was looking straight ahead but about the camera rather than at the camera as if he was talking to someone else. 

“Who is that girl that I hear? You're with someone, just tell me who” You said again. As he looked back at the camera bringing it down, another person pulled it from him. It was Odessa.

“OMG, hey y/n! What’s up?” Odessa said grabbing the phone from Drew to talk to you.

“Heyyy, oh nothing, just making a human all by myself over here.” You replied, clearly now pissed. You heard some mumbles clearly coming from Drew as he grabbed his phone back from her. Drew must have told her to walk away and wait for him somewhere because she said goodbye and then whispered something in his ear, laying a quick kiss on his cheek before walking off. It clearly made him uncomfortable since he had to cough before turning all his attention back to you on the other line. 

“Sooo, Odessa found you. Cool” The tears that you had been holding back caused your voice to slightly crack. You would think being an actress would hone in on this skill but it didn’t. 

“It's nothing, we ran into each other at the bar and she wanted to get a couple of drinks at this club she knew about. I was just about to get her car back to her hotel, that's why she left.” Drew said, he sounded sincere but something just wasn’t right in your eyes. He could sense it too. “Don’t be mad” he continued. 

“Mad, why would I be mad? She is just your friend” you said feeling the gerd build up in your chest and the ache in your abdomen worsen. “Forget about it though, I’m not feeling the best so I’m going to take a nap and you can go back to whatever you were up to before I called,” you said in a snide tone. 

“Babe don’t. Let's talk, are you feeling ok? Is the baby ok?” Drew pressed on, knowing you were upset and he hated letting you go to bed upset. 

“Everything’s fine, just slightly achy and nauseous, but I’ll be fine. I will text you when I wake up in the morning. Goodnight” You said, hanging up the phone before he could say anything else. The tears all fled in when you shut the phone off. You drenched your pillow with the salty waters. 

It was only 5pm but you cried so much, you were out for the night, or at least you thought so. It was about 2am when you were awoken from a sound sleep but the worst possible pain in your abdomen. It was the ache from before but like cranked to 1000. You couldn’t contain the pain to the point that when you got up to walk to the in suite bathroom, You fell to your knees. You cried for your mom and she rushed to you the moment she heard the noise from down the hall of the quiet house. She ran into the room cradling you in her arms and she stroked your hair to calm you down, Danica soon in after her as she had heard the stomps of her running from downstairs. 

“Baby what’s wrong?” Your mother said concerned, still holding you like you were still her little girl. 

“Mommy the pain, my abdomen!” You cried holding your bump. “Something is wrong with the baby” you continued through the deep breaths. 

“Danica, call 911, she’s in labor” your mother said after she felt the small puddle that crowded you. “Honey, it’s time, we gotta go” your mother said to you softly trying to hold back her own tears.

“Noooo. It’s too early, I’m not due for another 5 weeks” you pushed out through sobs. 

“I know baby, but your water broke and your pain is too bad not to do anything” she said trying to get you to move. “Now let’s try to get you back on the bed while the we wait for the paramedics to get here” she finished 

“I can’t move, it hurts too much. Get Drew, you have to get drew?” You said now hysterical. She began picking you up, Danica assisting now that the paramedics were on their way. 

“I will call him as soon as you get in good hands and I no longer have to be on high alert.” Your mother responded. 

“Please, I want him” you moaned through your cries now on the bed unable to keep your head up. Your mother did her best to reassure you that everything was ok, calming you enough until the paramedics could get to you and to the hospital. While she did that, Danica called drew until she couldn’t anymore. Each time it went to voicemail, so she just left a text at that point. Here you are about to give birth to your first child while your fiancé and the father of your child is off in another continent doing god knows what with his “friend”. 

To be continued….

[napakmahal]

Good Looking Boy (Pt 2 to Normal Girl)

Hey, so let’s pretend I didn’t fly off the face of a Earth on not update for like a month but part two is finally here. Enjoy

Tadashi was not doing well. He felt like shit and looked like it too. Ever since your argument, Tadashi had started going through a medium-grade depression. You two didn’t break up, and you still took him out after his hearing but something was off and he hated it. For the first time in history, Tadashi’s clothes were blocking the door to the boys’ bathroom. Hiro pulled on the door handle but the clothes and other crap were making it difficult to open.

“When are you gonna clean your side of the room?” He asked out of breath with a cramped hand.

Tadashi didn’t respond and just pulled his comforter closer to him indulging in shitty reality T.V. When Tadashi goes through seasonal depression, he doesn’t want to watch anything that feels like he’s working. He doesn’t want to watch a murder mystery that requires him to remember tiny nuanced details from the first episode or anything philosophical that would make him think. Enter reality television, it’s dumb, effortless, entertaining, and has in-depth recaps of what happened in case he missed something in the episode before. Hiro hadn’t realized how bad it was until he got home one day from school.

Tadashi was staring at his laptop while chewing on a piece of anti-headache mint gum. (mint helps with headaches)

“What are you watching?” Hiro untied his shoes and threw them into an unidentified corner.

“Vanderpump rules.”

It was like Hiro could hear horror movie music start playing in his ears behind someone screaming “I WASN’T YOUR BEST FRIEND HOE!” It was then he finally decided to call all of Tadashi’s friends, he needed assistance. He already had to watch his older brother self-destructively indulge in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Love Island every winter and he wasn’t sure either of them could take anymore.

That afternoon, Wasabi pulled up in his yellow Volkswagen with the rest of their friends. Hiro had asked them to drive around the back to the garage and meet him inside the garage. Once they were all inside, Hiro made sure to shut the door and gave everyone a small can of iced tea so they’d have something to spit out at the news.

“Okay, so why have we been summoned?” Fred cracked his can open.

Hiro took a deep breath, “Tadashi’s been watching reality shows, and it’s not December.”

“Shit, is he okay?” Gogo ran her hands through her short layered hair.

Honey urged, “Yeah what happened?”

“Have you guys ever met y/n?” Hiro brought his voice levels down. The entire group nodded, referring to meeting you at a karaoke bar where you were Tadashi’s plus one. “Alright well, I haven’t and neither has my aunt.”

“So?” Wasabi shrugged like it was no big deal because it really didn’t sound like a big deal.

“Sooo, she came by like last week and we had no clue who she was. I don’t know what happened but I know Tadashi and her got into some kind of fight and things are weird now.”

“Did they break up!?” Honey gasped.

“No, they still talk but it’s mad weird.”

Gogo pushed, “Weird, how?”

“Like they talk like strangers. ‘Hey, how are you?’ ‘Good, you?’ ‘Good, what are you doing?’ ‘Nothing, just bored. ‘Me too” over and over again.” Hiro wasn’t exactly a relationship therapist but he knew that was not normal for a girlfriend and a boyfriend that has been together as long as they had to talk to each other like that.

“Did you call her?” Fred leaned forward in his chair.

“Psh, no.” Hiro scoffed.

Wasabi asked, “Why not?”

“Because I don’t know her like that!”

Fair enough response. They knew something was going down with Tadashi when he stopped joining their group calls claiming to always be ‘tired’ and when he started leaving the lab hours earlier so he could go straight home and rot in his room. They tried, but nothing seemed to work, and he wouldn’t tell them the problem. He just didn’t want to depress anybody.

“Honestly,” Honey sighed. “I think we have to call her because I’m not so sure there’s anything we can do about it. It’s a problem between them.”

“But they do talk and it’s not going anywhere.” Hiro countered.

Wasabi backed up Honey’s point by saying, “That’s more like conversing, actually talking would be totally different.”

That night, Hiro snuck to the side of Tadashi’s room and typed in his passcode (Tadashi’s phone passcode is Hiro’s birthday and his wallpaper is an old picture of 5-year-old him sitting between his parents in the hospital bed holding onto baby Hiro with the help of his dad.) But his home screen is a picture of you two brushing your teeth in the mirror making faces with toothpaste foam all over your mouths. Hiro clicked on the messages app and sent a text.

——————————————————————————

This was so depressing. You'd been listening to a playlist with 800 different moods to it while you did your makeup to go absolutely nowhere. You hadn’t been exactly normal since the whole ‘my boyfriend didn’t tell your family about me’ thing. He’d reiterated to you that talking about boyfriends and girlfriends in the Hamada house is odd and uncalled for. You understood but still, something was off. This was the longest time you two hadn’t slept over, or just sat in your car talking for hours. You missed your boyfriend so much. But every time you talked to him it was so awkward like he was still feeling guilty over what happened. Sure it hurt but you’d accepted it and they knew you now. You’re grown, learning to accept things with peace is part of growing up. Plus it was just a familial thing and Tadashi loved his family so much. He makes fun of Hiro endlessly but he would rather die than have anything happen to him, he paid his aunt’s light bill without her knowing because he felt bad after seeing her on the phone with a tax collector, and he misses his parents so much. Once he was having a hard time picking out a suit he could wear to an internship he felt overwhelmed and he said “If my dad was here he’d help me.” Still, it still seemed Tadashi was holding back in all of your conversations.

You finished up your double-winged eyeliner and just as you were about to change Hit em up to Something Stupid, your phone dinged. Both your wallpaper and home screen was the picture a stranger took of you, your mom, and Tadashi at your mom’s graduation.

T

Hey, can we talk?

You texted back: Like rn?

T

No, in person.

Fuck. That’s never a good sign. But yet you just said: Ok, when?”

T

Tomorrow, my place. There's an opening on the side where the garage is. Knock.

These tiny sentences were starting to confuse you. Tadashi didn’t text in small sentences. He was the person who wrote grammatically correct paragraphs in text. Usually when he planned things he would tell where what time, when, where, and why he wanted to meet up. So this was starting to scare you. Regardless, you agreed to meet in person. You took off your makeup and tried to get as much sleep as possible.

——————————————————————————

Tadashi wasn’t looking much better the next day. He came down from their room hours after Hiro did. It wasn’t uncommon for Tadashi to sleep in his boxers, especially in the warmer months. But he usually puts on shorts or sweatpants before coming down. Not this time.Hiro was mid-sip of his daily emergen-c (he suffers from low vitamin C) when he saw his older brother looking like he got hit by a cable car walking down the stairs. Hair a mess, wearing a plain white shirt, his blue and white boxers, and eyes like bruised shopping bags. He looked like something Mochi coughed up.

“Good morning.” Hiro said warily.

Tadashi just groaned in response and leaned past him to get to the vitamin cabinet. When he reached to grab the large container of calcium vitamins, Hiro backed the hell up.

“Bro,” Hiro nearly whispered in disbelief. “When’s the last time you showered?”

Tadashi still said nothing and just shot his brother a dirty look. He took his calcium pill and went back upstairs to their room. It wasn’t until he sat down on his bed and stared off into space for a moment that he’d come to the realization.

“Fuck, I need to shower.” He whispered to himself.

He grabbed somewhat presentable clothes and his designated towel and went into the bathroom. Now, for those who don’t really understand depression, this may seem gross. But for a moment, Tadashi just leaned on the door and took a tired breath. Just the thought of exerting roughly 600 muscles to step into a shower, turn on the water, and scrub his entire body for roughly fifteen minutes just to scrub off bodily-secreted toxins made him feel really fucking exhausted. But he did it in the same way he did it when he wasn’t going through a depressive episode. Warm water for skin and cold water for hair. He remembered how appalled you were at seeing him just step into lukewarm water to shower and laughed when he hissed at how hot your average water temperature was.

He missed his girlfriend so much.

Tadashi just let the water run over his head without doing anything at all for like 2 minutes.

“This is so depressing.” He muttered to himself.

Some may think, ‘Dude just take a shower and quit being gross. You’re too old for this shit’ and the truth is, he’s thinking the exact same thing. So he reached for his green tea hair wash and instead of taking a normal shower, he took an everything one. It was tiring and he felt like toppling over and just rotting on the cold porcelain of the shower floor every second he was in there. But by the end at least he felt clean and smelled like classic male body wash.

Meanwhile, the time you were supposed to arrive was getting closer. Hiro was watching the clock profusely as he looked at his aunt who was just watching the Food Network and petting Mochi in her lap.

“Can we go to the mall?” He improvised.

“The mall? For what?” She looked back at him.

Shit. He needed to say something that would actually urge her to take him. “I want to look at new shoes!”

It was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. Hiro had been wearing the same shoes for years and the soles were detaching from the actual shoe part. The old laces were so messed up he was using the laces from a pair that didn’t fit Tadashi anymore. Why did he have to be one of the only teenage boys not obsessed with shoes?

So when he asked to look at new shoes to get, she jumped at the chance. Screaming at the top of the stairs that she was taking Hiro to the store while Tadashi finished showering.

Once they left, a feeling of satisfaction filled Hiro’s chest as he saw your car stop at the red light closest to the cafe. They drove off and you got closer to the cafe. Usually when someone texts you ‘Hey can we talk’ they’re usually about to drop an absolute bomb on them. Was he planning on breaking up with you? Shit. Maybe you could give him as many reasons you could think of and he’d change his mind? Or maybe he didn’t want to break up at all. Maybe he just wanted to see you in person. Regardless of the reason you were sweating bullets.

You walked over to the garage and started knocking on the door for him to open. You could hear him rushing towards the side door.

“What did you forget-” He opened the door expecting to see Hiro. Instead there you were with a look of concern and slight discomfort on your face. He stared at you as little droplets of water from his hair dribbled down his neck and soaked into his shirt. “H-Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Umm, you texted me.” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Tadashi reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Had the days blended together so badly that he couldn’t even remember making plans to meet up with you? When he opened his messages with you, he knew exactly what happened. He didn’t text like that but you know who did? Hiro.

“Fucking Hiro.” He ran his fingers through his wet hair.

“That makes more sense.” You let out a breathy laugh. “S-so do you like want me to go home, orrrr?”

Tadashi yelped a little too loudly, “No!- um, no. I don’t want you to leave, unless you want to go home.”

“No I’ll stay.”

Tadashi invited you inside and sat down at the kitchen island to just sit, silently thanking divine intervention for him taking a shower before you got there . A few beats and declined beverage offers later he spoke up. “So how are you?”

“Okay,” You nearly slapped your hand over your forehead. The two of you could not live like this anymore. “Tadashi, what are we doing?”

“What do you mean?” He froze.

“Just we aren’t on the same page. And that’s not us, we’re always on the same page. It’s like we’re strangers to each other. I don’t want to feel like a stranger to my boyfriend.”

Tadashi immediately went into panic mode and started reassuring you. “You’re not a stranger to me and I’m so sorry I’m making you feel that way I just-”

He stopped. You knew about his winter bouts of depression but you didn’t know the extent of how often they could happen. Nobody did. Tadashi wasn’t one to burden people and if he thought he could handle it he wouldn’t bother ask for help. He never asked for help doing projects, never asked for a ride to school, never asked Aunt Cass to turn in a library book for him. He probably should have told you about his new episode, you’d understand he knows you would and thinking about it he can’t really come up with a good reason for not telling you. Because the phrase “I just didn’t want to bother you” is horseshit no matter how true it is.

Your voice got softer as you leaned forward and touched your hand to his. “What’s wrong.”

“It’s back,” He whispered so quietly you could barely hear him. “Since our fight it’s been back and it’s getting worse.”

He didn’t need to say what “it” was. If it was seasonal depression he would call it that but it wasn’t. It was the kind of thing he got whenever his parents death anniverys came or when he just woke up randomly and couldn’t even muster up enough every to roll out of bed and onto the floor.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You cooed at him gently.

I just didn’t want to bother you. But he didn’t say that out loud, instead he just shrugged his shoulders and felt his eyes start to sting with tears. “I-I’m sorry.”

You were going to cry. You leaned forward and gave him a hug, his head resting in the nook of your neck. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Are you doing okay?”

He answered honestly. “Not really, but I’m feeling better.”

You two sat there engluphed together in silence as he listened to your pulse and you ran your fingertips up and down his spine.

Oh my good looking boy.

“Oh no, you know what I just realized.” You said still holding him close to you.

He muttered into your skin, “What?”

“We just had a communication fight.”

Fuck, you’d never had one of those before. Sure you’d get into arguments but you’d never had a problem because of a lack of communication until now. Even though you swore you would never be one of those couples. Shit just happens.

Maybe it was because he thought it was funny, or because you were the one to say it, or it was both but Tadashi started laughing. Truly laughing for the first time in weeks. His back heaved up and down as he laughed until he lifted his head from your neck and pressed his forehead to yours.

“I love you, so much.” He whispered, loud enough just for you. Only for you.

You ran your thumbs over the skin on his face. “I love you too, okay? Always will, remember that.”

You’ll fight again eventually over whatever. But something had changed since then. Whatever it was you doubted that you would ever run into a communication problem again.

Hours later when Hiro and Aunt Cass came home they found you and Tadashi laying on the floor next to piles of folded clothes. You’d been working to help him clean his side of the room, and a three part murder mystery playing in the background.

[answer2jeff]

narrow thoughts // carmen berzatto

part one: sprite

finally done with part 1! somewhat happy ending in part 2 btw, since i don't totally hate you guys or want you to suffer for once

synopsis: you and carmen were good friends turned strangers — the trauma bond from Noma still keeping you closer. you've noticed Carmen's hard work, and you worry terribly for him and his wellbeing. keeping quiet has never been so hard; being "friends" has never been so hard.

pairings: platonic!richie x reader – romantic!carmy x reader

english isn't my first language — expect some mistakes. feedback is always appreciated.

WARNINGS: friends - strangers - lovers, angst, fluff, NOT an established relationship, pre-existing history, ZERO use of y/n, reader is implied female, mention of the nickname "Pico," short for "Piccola" ; small (young), or even baby, in italian.

wc: 2.1k

You twisted the silver key at an angle, locking the glass door shut — the 'CLOSED' sign taunting you. You and your pre-existing staff expected to open in just 6 weeks, and you still felt like so much time lingered. The emptiness of the sidewalk made your stomach drop to your feet, the same way it did every night. You waited so impatiently for the opening day of your coffee shop to inch closer and closer; but you were uncertain, unsettled, and lacking confidence in your craft. Was simplicity really the answer? Should you have just stayed in New York? Were you just another, "Eleven Madison Park Dickhead?" Did you even want answers to these looming questions? No. No you didn't — not yet. All you wanted that night was a glass of homemade sprite, and maybe a real conversation with an old friend.

Maybe he'd know what to say, if anything at all.

So, you walked. And you walked, and you walked, and you kept walking — your dark blue crewneck sweater that went just past the belt line of your baggy jeans, a pair of pantyhose, white socks, and Doc Martens keeping you clothed in the Chicago cold. Your bracelets clanged against each other, harmonizing with the sound of the keychains jingling against your purse, clutched close to your sides. You finally reached the The Beef, the florescent glow casting a blueish green shine against your face. Another 'CLOSED' sign pointed a childish finger at you.

"Richieeee!" You wined, gently knocking on the glass window to grasp his attention — his back turned to you as he was telling Tina and Marcus yet another story about Carmen's childhood. You almost regretted being nice to him, but it gave you leeway; visiting after hours, special treatment, and even the nickname 'Pico' was coined after you.

"Richie, I know you can hear me!"

"Yeah, and he goes—" Richie reluctantly paused, hearing a familiar voice from behind the glass. His hands, frozen in the air, fell to his sides as he dramatically walked over to the door. "Shit, hold on. Pico's here." He groaned, slowly unlocking and cracking the door open, moving out of your way to let you in.

"Thanks." You breathed, crossing your arms as you took a step into the restaurant — immediately met with smiles and good night's from Marcus and Tina. Your eyes darted around the cramped space of the counter, not quite being able to see into the kitchen as you stepped closer to take a seat in a red barstool.

"What're you doin' here? You alright, sweetheart?" Richie asked, his tone only slightly annoyed from the interruption of his attempt to humiliate Carmen. He waltzed behind the counter, supporting his weight by pressing his palms against the metal as he stood across from you. He furrowed his eyebrows, wondering — completely disregarding Tina and Marcus clocking out and leaving for the night.

"Yeah, just uh — my stomach hurts. Like, bad." You sighed, sticking your elbows up onto the counter and resting your face in your hands, the stool next to you occupied by your purse. Richie only nodded his head, noticing your mouth slightly gaped open like you had more to say. Even if he was a childish asshole, he wasn't evil. He'd never interrupt someone who was clearly in need.

"And–and i'm just... payin' a visit, I guess." You tried justifying your reasoning for coming all this way. It was 9:47, and you hardly ever came around this late. Typically, you'd lock up by 9:15, come over and stick around till 9:30, and be home by 10:45. You must've needed something, he thought, but he chose not to pester you tonight.

Please don't ask.

"Alright.. Yeah, 'ya look a little green. You wanna sprite?" Richie gently placed the back of his hand against your forehead, just reassuring you didn't have a fever. You nodded your head in approval. He walked into the kitchen, shouting "COUSIN! Pico wants a sprite! Make it for 'er, will 'ya?"

Carmen shut his locker as he nodded his head to Richie, mumbling, "be right there." He bit the inside of his cheek, his lips curling into a smile when he saw you through the tiny peak between the counter and the kitchen that you were too far from to experience. Admittedly, Carmen liked seeing you come in — bringing coffee for everyone in the mornings, and wishing everyone goodnight in the evenings. It gave him something to look foreword to. He liked the consistency; and hell, he fucking loved the blonde espresso macchiato you conjured up for him, the foam just a tad bit flat from having to travel on foot from the cafe to the restaurant with it.

You scrolled on your Instagram timeline as you heard Carmen mumbling to himself as he made your sprite, noting the clinking of ice against a glass cup and the crisp sound of the homemade soda pouring in. You gave Richie an air-kiss on the cheek goodbye as he walked out of The Beef, his lanky frame covered by his leather jacket. You smiled again at the sight of Carmen politely delivering your drink, putting your phone away in the pocket of your jeans.

"Why thank you!" You cooed, looking into his big, blue eyes that didn't really know what to focus on. You took in every feature: his curly dirty-blonde locks in need of trimming, his big and arched nose, the round shape of his chin. You were staring, your stare never leaving his figure as he set the glass down on the counter, and he couldn't help but smile back.

He was perfect — it was almost scary.

"Pleasure." Carmen chuckled, placing a warm hand on the back of his neck as he thought of what else to say. He couldn't remember the last time you two were alone. The closest thing was him coming over to your apartment in broad daylight to help you get rid of the green, god awful futon in your living room that was covered in weird stains.

"You've got a weird definition of pleasure." You sighed, raising your glass to your lips and feeling the sprite ease your stomach. Your eyes rolled when you heard his obnoxiously attractive laugh; breathy and nervous.

"Yeah, yeah. I know." Carmen nodded his head, essentially saying "you're right, but respectfully — fuck off" without actually saying it. He picked his head up, watching your throat contract with each sip — the neon lights all around the restaurant displaying a purple glow against your skin. It was childish, but knowing he could make your night just a little bit better with a glass of sprite made him proud of himself.

"You feelin' alright? As best as you can, I mean." You set your glass down, resting your face in your palms as you blinked at Carmen, your eyebrows knitted in concern. You worried for him, no matter how much your brain reassured you that they grey crescents under his eyes were none of your concern. It was normal to never get more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep every night as an overworked 34 year old, right? It's a Carmy problem, right?

No. Fuck no.

"Uh... yeah, I—" Carmen's hands gripped tightly against the cold, metal counter, his foot tapping against the tile floor. He bit the inside of his cheek, diverting his gaze away from you and back towards the walkway into the kitchen. He was lying, and you knew it. He felt his chest heave at the question as he forced himself to look at you again; your face still expressing a sense of panic for him.

"You..?" You finished his empty sentence for him, getting a little impatient. Your manicured nails clicked against the counter, waiting for him to tell at least some fragments of the truth.

"No, not alright. Not really. I, um—" He paused again, his eyes finally locking with yours, completely unable to pull away now. You looked beautiful to him — elegant, even. With your hair messier than the way you styled it this morning, with your chipped and grown out manicure, and especially with your lack of knowledge that Carmen was analyzing every inch of you. He felt guilty for looking - more than he usually did.

"I've been having those weird fuckin' dreams again. A-and these panic attacks, I think?" Carmens voice went softer, a whine of fear in his speech; he finally let his guard down just a bit. It was like just looking at you calmed him down enough so he could choke out another sentence.

"Shit. Still?" You asked, your nails pausing their annoying clack and tap so you could focus all of your attention onto Carmen. You remembered Natalie mentioning Carmen's recent manifestations of his stress, often asking if you'd just check up on him every once in a while, just in case she couldn't reach him.

"Yeah." Carmen replied, his voice airy and unsupported. His eyes were blue and desperate, and fixated on every part of your face. It made his thoughts narrow down to you; your weird sense of humor, your artful hands that illustrated your frustration when you complained about your day, even the perfume you wore every day that lingered around the jacket you left at his apartment (which he still hasn't given back to you.) Why would he? How could Carmen not keep a piece of you in his home?

You finally caught Carmen's gaze as you grazed the condensation on your glass of sprite — and you could see it in his face; the exhaustion, the anxiety, the need for stability in his eyes. You saw what this place did to him; what fixing this hellhole turned him into for a second time. It felt silly, controlling, nagging even, for you to assume that Carmen couldn't handle himself. But maybe that wasn't too unfair of an assumption; even if Sydney tried to condition you to believe that not every Carmy problem had to be a you problem.

"Jesus. I'm sorry." You clenched your teeth as you thought about his nausea spells he'd get every morning, remembering the dozens of empty bottles of pepto bismol littered around the kitchen counter of his apartment in New York. It was like you could still feel the sting of stomach acid your throat when you ended up puking every night after dinner rush; your digestive system completely empty from the lack of time you even had to keep your body intact. And yet, it was fucking everything. Your calloused fingers from the knives and the rasp in your throat from crying felt like a trophy; a mark on your person that forever reminded you of how great you once were.

What were you even doing here? Opening another thrift shop? But this time, it had a built in cafe; a cafe you dreamed of serving the best coffee in Chicago? Wow! What an original, realistic and inspiring concept. Like Richie warned the two of you: neither of you had any idea what you were doing back in Chicago.

Is it too late for me to understand you?

"Is this even.. I don't know — fun, for you anymore? Was it ever?" You croaked, tracing the tip of your middle finger along the rim of the glass — watching the little bubbles in the drink rise and pop. The question almost struck a nerve in Carmen, it forced him to think; really think.

"I mean... 'fun' isn't the word I'd use." He shrugged his shoulders, his face contorting into that typical confused look he always gave you. It made your heart ache.

"I don't like what it does to you."

"I'm– I'm trying to... to do somethin' here, Pico." His eyebrows knitted as his hands gripped just a little tighter against the counter.

"I know, Carmy. A-and you're doing great I just– I miss you." You barely whispered, crossing your arms almost trying to defend yourself as Carmen's face softened. His stomach dropped to his feet, his adams apple bobbing as he swallowed hard.

You two hadn't had a real conversation since the night you decided to quit, leaving Carmen to chase his success and even become Food & Wine's best chef without you. You hadn't cried in front of him since the day after Mikey's funeral: which neither of you could bring yourself to attend to. You'd been back home much longer than Carmen had; him coming home was so bittersweet. You needed him here. You needed him in the warm glow of your apartment, on your vintage couch as you shared the leftover pasta carbonara you made the night before. You forgot what his arms felt like around you, trying so hard to remember as you glanced at his tattoos.

"I miss you too."

TO BE CONTINUED BITCHESSSSSS!!!!!!

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 17

♡ Chapter Inspo: Too Sweet - Hozier ; "You know, you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape."

♡ Summary: Winnie & Carmy attend one of their first full family functions as a couple, & Carm is anxious as shit that Donna will pop up.

♡ W/C: 10,217

♡ Posted Date: 04/16/2024

♡ A/N: WOW It has been a second since TB&HH got some love but we are so back!! I am actually really excited about this chapter! It is very long as you see, and It took a few times of scrapping & rewriting, and then I finally just said fuck it and did what I wanted to do LOL. I have been writing so much SydCarmy i've been achingg for some loveydovey Winnie & Carmy so here I am! As per usual requests are open for SydCarmy, CarmyxReader - anything really!

♡ Warnings for BTC: SmutSmutSmut (breeding kinks mentioned, car sex) - Swearing, Fluffy mush, Smoking cigarettes, talks of alcoholism, drinking

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

𝒲𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱. 🍯

Carmen and I had made it official 3 months ago now, and we were just as happytogether and obsessed with each other as the day we’d met. Today was the day that Natalie’s younger daughter, Briana or Bee as the family lovingly calls her would be getting Christened since she was officially a year old last week. 

When I returned last month from nannying in The Hamptons, Carmen had taken an entire week off permitted by Sydney being back in perfect health - and we fucked and ate and did whatever we wanted for the entire week before I had to get back to work. It was fair to say we had missed each other terribly and he’d told me I ‘wasn’t allowed to abandon him like that ever again’ even if it meant he had to pay all of my bills. 

I huffed frustratedly, my fingers beginning to cramp up from trying so many times to clasp on my simplistic gold St. Christopher medallion with my long french tips that Carmen had been insisting on paying for every 2 weeks.  

“Bear! I need help!” I called out to him where he was in the bathroom ‘borrowing’ my gel to relax his frizzy curls that he had no time to blowdry this morning. 

“what‘sup honey?” He asked as soon as I called, coming out to the bedroom where I was stood in front of my full-length mirror struggling to clasp my jewlery.

This is how he’d been for the past 2 months or so, I call, and he answers nearly faster then I can finish my request.

It didn’t matter what he was doing, not if we were in the kitchen (he did get a bit huffy if it was extra busy, but never mean, never ever mean.) But if we were at home? It was almost scary how fast he came to my call. I had even filmed a TikTok- jokingly saying- 

“My man will blindly do whatever I ask of him- watch- it’s weird as fuck- but it’s super cute. He will literally toss out whatever he’s doing and do what I say. I think he’s over in the living room drawing right now- but watch…he’s gonna shove all his colored pencils n’ shit right in his case and barrel over here like a puppy. Watch this. -”  I stepped into the hallway and flipped the camera “ oh - and he’s gonna say ‘I’m sorry’ cause he wasn’t here the second I asked him.” I whispered before calling- “ LLLLOVER?! What’re y’doin’s? Mon Ours?!” (My Bear?) down the hallway.  ‘Huuuh???’ he called back ‘WHAT’RE Y’DOING LOVE?’ I called louder. I heard wooden pencils tinkling together and muttered curses for a few moments before he appeared at the end of the hall, coming up to me “Wha?” he asked, “M’sorry honey- I couldn’t hear over the TV-“  “What are you doing?” I asked “Uhhh…drawing? Why?” He asked “need something?” “No” I shrugged, leaning against the doorframe. “Can you put it away?” I asked.  “Oh- sure gimme’ sec” he walked off to the living room for a few moments and I flipped the camera back to me,  “See he just does what I ask him to do what is this?! He just listens he’s the best listener-“ I whispered being interrupted by him asking “Hey Honey? D’you mean like away away?” He called  “No just put up. come here” I called and he comes back to me, kissing my head  “Are Y’Hungry? D’ya need y’r water filled? What day is it again? I didn’t forget plans did I?” he checked his phone and I rolled my eyes playfully  “I just wanted kisses” I puckered my lips  He gratefully partook, kissing my lips before pecking all over my face. “Did you get your period and are just needy for love and kisses or Is this a test?” I hit end on the recording, embarrassed by his stupidly good intuition. 

It had gotten nearly 4 million views, and he was baffled as to why - when I explained the likely reason to him, he could barely understand that a lot of boyfriends didn’t give a shit about their girlfriends needs- at least to the level he does, so the way girls were thirsting after him in my comment section was new to him, and slightly overwhelming for me because it had been weeks and likes and comments were still pouring in, and there were lots of people that knew who he was. I had gotten at least 100 comments reading ‘is that like- THE Carmen Berzatto? Just…chilling in your house?!’

It was also kind of annoying because people kept asking to see him now since they either thought he was hot or they wanted him to talk about cooking, but I’d never ask him to. He isn’t my show pony, I know he’s hot and talented and smart and amazing and my absolute everything - and I’d love nothing more than to share all of that with the people who we’re asking, but I knew for a fact he didn’t like being on camera and wouldn’t be comfortable knowing 300 thousand people were gonna be seeing it- and possibly many, many more. 

He thought it was sweet and funny that after when I told him I pranked him or more specifically, giggly telling him ‘you got-got bear, I got you so good’ that me ‘pranking’ him was asking him to put away his colored pencils and kiss me for the sake of it - when in culinary school his ‘friends’ idea of a prank was to dull out all of his knives so he’d have to spend nearly the whole day resharpening them and failing an assignment because of it.  

 “Oh, that? Here honey gimme” he takes the ends of the dainty chain from my fingers, standing behind me and clasping it easily before adjusting the charm gently to the middle before and kissing the top of my head. “Y’nails’re too long f’that Angel” he muttered, looking at the necklace in the mirror and rubbing over my lower stomach lovingly.  

He did that move a lot ever since he started getting more comfortable when we made things official. Especially when he knew I was ovulating during sex. It drove me absolutely insane  - he loved to do it while saying something along the lines of;

 ‘Y’want me t’fuck y’full pretty girl? Yeah? You wanna show everyone y’mine honey? Who you belong to princess? Are y’gonna have my babies? Mmm? Say it— Y’love it when I fuck y’like this, like a fuckin’ cat in heat. Ye’- is that it? Are you a filthy little fuckin animal? My pretty little pet?’

While he fucked me absolutely brainless. Before I went to my nanny gig, one day he peered over my shoulder while I was reading one of my fantasy books and saw the words mating press - he was immediately interested and very shyly asked what it was, before asking me to help show him what he needed to do to help me achieve that very position.

Surprisingly- after I had explained what the position was for in the books- it was the first time he didn’t quite literally leave or get overly anxious about the thought of us having children - even if it was just purely dirty talk. He just once again made sure that I was on birth control, and from there it became one of our very favorite positions. 

I’d never fucked a man before that made me promise to have his babies someday before cumming in me as deep as he could and rubbing over my extremely vacant womb due to being so pussy-drunk. All while whispering how pretty I’d be swollen with his seed- worshiping me like I’d already been carrying the child- muttering about how hot it would be if I were to be all big-bellied carrying his baby. Maybe it was his kink? Surely it was just a kink and it was the moment talking not his actual desires. 

It must be- because he’d been so adamant just a few months ago that he was ‘absolutely sure’ he didn’t want children so badly we nearly got into an argument over it when I asked him to just think about it outside of the realm of me. So he likely was simply turned on by the thought of a ‘nuclear domestic life’ just like any other person is. 

“Thank you, you look so nice, Bear. I can’t wait until it’s over though cause I wanna touch your hair. Can’t though cause it has all the stuff in it” I said, turning around and gently pushing back the stray sticky curl that had fallen out of place and was laying on his forehead adorably. 

“Mm Church isn’t my favorite pastime cause I have to have all the bullshit on. but you look…” he takes me in slowly, his hand sliding down over the curve of my waist. “Fuckin perfect. Can’t believe y’mine baby” he leans in for a kiss “wait- this stuff, can I kiss you?” He alludes to my lipstick which was likely about the same shade of red as my cheeks now due to his compliments. 

“Find out” I said and pulled him by his jacket, kissing him deeply. He hummed, squeezing my bum and pulling my hips into his, squeezing them gently. 

He was always extra careful to ask when I had makeup on and was getting ready to go out, that he could kiss me without messing anything up. He would sit and watch me do my makeup when going out for girls nights, so was very understanding and appreciative of the effort and time that went into it. He would help me pick out eyeshadow colors sometimes, but his favorite part was when I did lipstick. He tells me it ‘changes everything’ which makes me giggle, because that’s exactly what my grandma says. 

I pull away after a few moments, “how’s the makeup?” I tease, checking in the mirror. “Lady Gaga knows what she’s doing babe” I gently dab below my lip with my beauty blender where he had gotten some of my foundation by mistake in the heated lip to lip transaction. 

“The same one that did the poker face song?” He asked and I laugh a bit 

“If that’s all you know her by then we still  have a lot to learn about pop culture. But yes, the Gaga baby” I fixed up my lipliner a bit and he watched me in the mirror as I meticulously did so. 

“Mm I remember that and the weird meat dress. Fuck you look amazing baby here lemme see” he turns me around when I put the pencil down, gently brushing my fringe from my eyes. “You are so beautiful baby, fuckin’ breathtaking” he kissed my forehead gently. 

I smiled, holding his hands in mine and squeezing gently “you look very handsome baby, so handsome” I adjusted his tie and kissed his jaw gently. My alarm went off for 6:45 signaling it was time for us to leave, the sound causing me to jump a bit before I giggle shyly “Sorry. We’d better go” I grabbed my purse, making sure I had everything i’d need for the day. 

“Y’still wanna get coffee honey?” He asked as he put his dress shoes on. 

I nod “yeah- if I can get these stupid shoes on with this dress in time” I sat down on the bed slipping my foot in and trying to buckle the stupid tiny buckle with my nails, they were super pretty and Carm loved the scratches he got with them, but in terms of tiny things I always found myself struggling. 

“Here-“ he knelt in front of me “Hold this Honey” he hands me the hem of my dress and I pulled it up for him. He carefully adjusted the straps so they were straight, before buckling it “that good? Y’want ‘em tighter?” He asks and I shook my head 

“No- no. Thank you it’s perfect baby” I offer my other foot to him and he repeated the process. “You’re the best, Carmy, really. Sorry I keep needing your help when I go out” I said, kissing his cheek gently before he got up. 

“Can’t blame yourself baby those things are… ridiculous. I dunno how they’re comfortable” he outstretched his hand to help me up. 

I took it and kiss his lips lovingly once he pulled me up. “They aren’t. They just look pretty” I grab my purse once more, spraying on my perfume. “Now we’re ready” I said with a smile.

We got to the church with 5 minutes to spare before the service started, so we were able to find the back row where Richie, Eva, some random blonde that I’d assumed must be Eva’s mom, Syd, Fak, Natalie, and Pete, both of them with a kid in their lap were sitting. 

Sugar spotted us first “Oh! Yay! You made it sweetheart how are you? You look so beautiful” she smiled 

“Oh my gosh no way you all look so cute I love her little dress ohhh my gosh Carmy look at her!” I said happily 

“Yeah - Hey, Uh- Moms not-“ Carmy asked her quietly. 

“Bear - “ she almost laughed “She isn’t around until she can prove to me she's sober again” she said before turning to Fak who was sat next to her. “Honey, move down please! Look at all that row sweetheart” she nudged him with her elbow. 

“Hi Winnie the Pooh” Fak said, sliding down enough for Carm and I to squeeze in next to sugar.

“Hey Neil! Hope you’re well it’s nice to see you.” I sit down next to Carmy, crossing my legs.

“So is she your girlfriend yet?” He asked Carmy, nudging his shoulder gently. 

Carmy sighed deeply. “Yes, yes Fak. She’s my girlfriend. And we’re at church buddy. So it’s quiet time yeah?” He asked and I couldn’t help but stifle a giggle how he took after Sugars tone with him. 

“Thanks Winnie nice to see You too- Your dress is pretty” he told me and I smiled 

“Aww! Thanks bestie. Love the suit you look snappy” I said and held Carmys hand, kissing it gently. 

“It’s great t’see you guys!” Syd waves and I lean forward to see her better - But Carmy didn’t even say anything.

I look at him, seeing he was totally not here. “babe” I ask and he breaks his spaced out gaze on the large stained glass window up front and looked at me.  

“Mm?” He looks over at me. I rubbed his hand gently. 

“Everything okay sweets?” I asked softly and he nodded a bit.

“Talk ‘bout it later” he said and squeezed my hand gently. 

“Okay…” I said and hooked our arms together before relacing our fingers. 

I watched as he went back to staring at the same stained glass window, and resumed that way throughout the entire service unless we were participating in something. 

It worried me a bit, it seemed like he was disassociating - as to avoid what I wasn’t sure.

When we got back to the car I crossed my legs, buckling my seatbelt quietly and holding my purse in my lap. “What’s goin on baby?” I asked. 

He shrugged, shaking his head a bit and starting the car. “Nothin.” He said plainly 

“Mmm.” I mutter. “Funny cause you said we’d talk about it later” I said casually, pulling down the visor mirror on my side, reapplying my lipliner. 

“Talkin ‘bout it now. And I said- nothin” he said shortly, starting the van and backing out of the parking spot. 

“Ahhh of course because saying “nothings wrong” would have been too easy so instead- you added 3 extra words to tell me we’d talk about it now?” I pushed, carefully lining below my bottom lip. 

“D’you ever drop anything?” He asked, annoyance lacing his tone. 

“Mmm- no. I don’t..” I grinned teasingly 

“It’s none of y’fuckin concern that’s what it is.” He said, rolling the window down and lighting a cigarette as we pulled up to a stoplight. 

“Ohhh! Meeeeowww!” I teased, fishing my phone out of my purse. “Someone’s in a sour mood.” I tut, “I never got the invite to your pity party- did you forget about me lovey?” I teased. 

He rolled his eyes, gripping the steering wheel with his right hand. “You love pushing my fuckin’ buttons.” He muttered before taking a drag. 

“I loooove it. You know, you’ve yet to rage fuck me yet. Which is surprising- you’re 90% rage, and I’ve only gotten the 10% of soft.” I said, running my hand up his thigh until I got to his bulge, slowly stroking it over in his slacks. 

“You couldn’t fucking handle it.” He said, grabbing my wrist. “Don’t fuckin test me.” He grumbled, flicking my hand into my lap and hitting the gas as the light turned green. 

“Oh- oh- is that a challenge, Bear. You think I can’t take you? That I - can’t take you?” I scoffed, dropping my phone in the cup holder. “I find that a little rude. Where have your manners gone?” I drag my nails over the inside of his thigh, smiling to myself as his breath hitches.  I knew he was stuck in a loop about something negative- and since he didn’t want to talk about it- he likely needed to fuck about it. It was a system we’d created- kind of an unspoken one. But he would ruminate, and brood like a big baby - if I couldn’t coax it out of him with my words, he’d probably been so pent up with nowhere to put it so he needed to release all those hormones before he could get it off his tongue. He always did, after a long day the pillow talk we had would usually be intense feelings of self-doubt and fear of the restaurant failing- even though it was never close to failing. He’s worried about who knows what and needs to escape with something he has that will remain consistent, and something very accessible- and that something usually happens to be me.

“I’m fuckin driving” he said, but his growing arousal beneath my palm begged for me to continue. 

“Mmhmmm? And?” I asked, gripping him firmly at the base of his cock that was prominently showing now. 

“Y’fuckin- Jesus Christ” he hissed, holding the steering wheel with a white knuckle grasp. “Such a little fuckin-“ he gasped lightly as I grip him tighter. 

“What” I goad. “What? Finish the sentence, Carmy.” I tease, running my thumb along the vein I’d already memorized, feeling his member jump in the grip of my hand at the action. 

“Dirty fucking whore.” He hissed, cheeks pink at the admission. 

I giggled. “Awww- it’s nice to finally hear you say it” I teased, dragging the edge of my nail along his rock hard head

“J-Just-” he swallowed thickly, eyes locked on the road, refusing to break to meet my gaze

“Juuuust” I goaded, adding pressure and he whimpered

“Y’re fuckin evil” he said through clenched teeth, swallowing thickly and shaking his head lightly. “I said I’m fuckin driving.” he repeated, hips involuntarily bucking up into my grasp.

“So?” I asked, gently dragging my thumb over his waistband “Did you want me to stop, Bear?” I asked and he inhaled sharply, slightly shaking his head. 

“Ohhhh-oh! So you like when i’m a dirty fucking whore for you?” I questioned, my hand stilling over his goosebump-ridden skin.

“Do what y’gonna fuckin do” he muttered, swallowing thickly. 

“Fine” I said, unbuckling my seatbelt and pulling my skirt up my waist, slipping my panties and nylons down in one go after kicking off my heels into the footwell of the passenger side. 

“What’re you-“ he glanced over at me as I hiked my right leg up on the dashboard after pushing my seat back to lay down. 

“I’m doing what I’m gonna do. You said it yourself Bear - I’m a dirty fucking whore” I responded, angling myself so he could see and spreading myself out for him “so wet for you” I said in a sultry tone, gathering the sticky slick on my middle and forefingers, before bringing it right in front of his lips. 

“Don’t you love how dirty I am?” I teased, rubbing the sticky arousal on his bottom lip

He flicked his cigarette out the window and opened his mouth, taking my digits in and sucking them, humming in satisfaction at the taste “yeah I know you fucking love it. It’s why we’re perfect together you’re just as much a freak as I am” I said, pushing my fingers further and he widened his jaw wantingly. 

I gasped a bit as he bit down on my fingers “Such an animal” I giggle squeezing his cheeks and rubbing my spit slicked fingers down his chin when he released me 

“You really wanna go right now when I’m tellin you I’m not in a good mood?” He asked

“If you’re in the mood- I want you. Otherwise no thanks but I think you’d have said something before now” I pulled my dress out of the way of my core. “You aren’t gonna look? You always tell me how pretty I am baby” I gently spread my folds, rubbing my wet cold middle finger over my clit gently “mmm it’s so much better when you do it Carmy, don’t you wanna touch me?” I begged

He glanced over at me, tugging his lip between his teeth as he fans over my position, eyes trailing down to my pussy.. “You can come up with what we were doin’ since you wanna be so fuckin’ needy and can’t wait a few hours. Little sex demon” he said, slowing down and turning into a post office parking lot that was deserted due to it being a Sunday. 

“I wouldn’t be so needy if you didn’t look so angry and your arms didn’t look so good in that jacket” I said, crawling in the back and sitting on the floor excitedly 

“One second anger scares you the next it turns you on- I can’t fuckin figure you out” he said, shutting the van off and getting out of the drivers side, and quickly opening and shutting the back sliding door when he got in.. 

“Yelling scares me but I think being your little stress toy is sexy cause you appreciate it” I lay back when he took off his jacket, laying it down for me like a pillow.

“Whats the word?” he asked before kissing my neck with nipping, hot, wet kisses.

“First - gentle on the neck and leaving marks baby were gonna be with your family, and second orchid” I assured and he hiked up my skirt.

“Good Girl” he said and spread my legs open, his tattooed hand finding my soaked core immediately and dragging his middle and ring finger up the slick, rubbing over my clit with quick light circles making my toes curl .  

I gasped, already feeling like every nerve in my body was on fire. He had managed in our times together to memorize every single thing that made me creen in pleasure. He wanted me soaked before he’d barely even touched me, because that gave him the satisfaction of having memorized my body and the way it reacts to every little possible stimulation. 

“Your good girl” I breathed, tugging up my skirt higher so he can kiss over my stomach and hips how he usually did, during moments of intimacy he wanted to feel and taste every part of me I would let him - it felt more like worshiping if I was honest with myself, but when I thought about it I would get way too worked up. 

“That’s right princess” he gently nips on my skin. “How could I ever be rough w’you? Mmm? When y’so fuckin sweet? And so fuckin good f’me?” He hums, settling my thighs around his hips. 

I giggled, breaking up the gel in his hair as he kissed over my naval and hips, and gently massaging his scalp. His eyes fluttered shut in bliss, his kisses slowing before resting his forehead on my stomach and letting out a satisfied sigh at the action “Youre gonna have freshly fucked hair” I teased. 

“Don’t care. Mm keep touchin’ me please. Fuck baby-“ he rested his chin on my flesh looking up at me “I missed y’touchin me. So bad. Just touch me however you want” he begged, causing me to smile, a warm loving blush heating my cheeks. 

“You like when I touch you?” I gently caress his cheek and he leaned into it like a man starved. 

“I love it. I need it baby- really. I miss it so bad when y’cant.” He took my hand, kissing my palm. “I need you” he said softly. 

I swallowed hard, trying to relieve the growing lump in my throat and I cupped his cheeks lovingly. “I’m always here” I said softly and pulled him into a sweet messy wanting kiss 

I wrapped my arms around his back, gently playing with the hair at the base of his neck, smiling into his lips when I felt the goosebumps adorning his neck. “The reason we’re back here is cause I need you” I said sultrily in the shell of his ear, kissing his jaw gently. 

“I know ‘m sorry” he unbuttoned his pants and I cup his jaw bringing his attention back to me. 

“That’s not how I meant it bear” I said softly, gently moving his hands out of the way and unzipping them for him. “I love touching you, you know what right?” I asked as I untucked his shirt, gently running my hands up his toned stomach, feeling him lightly shiver beneath me 

“Uh- yeah…yeah- I do- I just sometimes feel like…I dunno. I ask f’r too much” he said quietly 

I rubbed over his abs, gently squeezing his hips and trailing my palms over his ribs beneath the loose fabric. “When do you ever even ask baby? I offer. I know you like it so I do it” I pull him closer, kissing the exposed bit of chest from the top 2 buttons being opened. 

“Is it weird when I do ask?” he questioned softly and I look up at him. 

“No. It’s not, it’s sweet and it’s healthy, Carm. It’s good to be loved” I gently kiss his neck and he guided me to lay, pushing himself free of his boxers and slacks, and lining himself up before gently pushing in. 

I moaned out, locking my legs around his waist and pulling myself closer to nudge him deeper inside, arching my hips and whining as I feel the tip of his cock right over that spongy spot that made me sob and shake with pleasure 

“You are fuckin greedy t’day Jesus Christ” he breathed, holding my hips for me “so fuckin pretty” he said as he pulls out halfway before rutting into that spot and I gasp sharply 

“Fuuuuck oh oh- you’re fucked” I whine to which he chuckled, a satisfied grin on his face. 

“You said you could handle this babe” he reminded, pushing in deeper but slowly as to not hurt me, resting his hand at the base of my stomach. “Fuuuck I love when y’let me have y’like this baby I can get so fuckin’ deep feel this” he said, taking my hand and resting it at the base of my stomach, slowly thrusting in. 

I felt the movement beneath my hand, my jaw slack and the most lewd pornographic noises coming from my chest “s-so- so big” I whined out dropping my head back in bliss and eyes fluttering shut 

“That’s right baby my good fuckin’ girl- my fuckin girl. Y’take me so fuckin well princess like Y’re fuckin made for me ye? Like y’re made t’take my fuckin’ cock? Mm? Made f’me to fill with my cum?” He asked as he started the relentless pace. 

I couldn’t even think - I just nod quickly in response “made f-uckkk yes- yesyesyesyes made for you I’m yours” I slurred, reaching down and rubbing my clit causing me to clench around him tightly 

He grunted, looking down and watching my fingers spreading around his cock as I rubbed myself “yeah? Y’like bein’ mine? Mmm? Y’like that I fuckin own this pussy? So goddamn greedy - needin’ me t’fill you up twice already today and it's not even lunch” He thrusts harder causing my back to arch sharply

Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes now at the waves of pleasure that were so intense the air around us felt like it was crackling with electricity.  I opened my eyes once more to find his gaze locked on my cunt, mesmerized by the thick white strings of arousal sticking to the base of his cock before snapping as he thrusted in and out. 

“Mmm isn’t it so fucking pretty were so pretty together baby” I moved my fingers faster, sitting up on my other elbow and nearly collapsing again at the new pleasure it brought. 

“Woah” he noticed, quickly wrapping an arm around my back and my head drops back to meet his gaze as he stopped thrusting 

“Fuck me oh my god fuck me- I- can you please? My- my knees can’t touch the floor my thighs are too short when I’m up on your lap you’re right i’m so fucking greedy for you I need you please fill me up please claim me”” I said in a needy tone, my breath rapid and uneven. 

“You are going to be the death of me” he groaned, holding the backs of my thighs and sitting me up on his hips with his palms on my ass, before leaning on the back wall of the van and thrusting up into me, hard and fast.

My eyes nearly rolled back before closing, my jaw slack with pleasure. I nodded quickly, tears spilling over my cheeks as he continued. Fireworks and stars float behind my eyes and I clutch the seat next to us with a white knuckle grasp to have some tether to my body. 

“So fuckin pretty” he grunted, fucking up into me harder “y’want me to fill this pretty pussy up? Mmm? Y’want me to fuckin make sure y’drippin the rest of the day? My little whore” he kissed my neck roughly and I couldn’t even warn him before my hips were shaking and my core was squeezing and releasing around him in a way that told him I’d reached my peak. 

My whole body felt waves of heat rushing through, everything felt so good it was starting to feel painful but I couldn’t ask for him to stop- I wouldn’t. I had never felt so good before, physically, mentally, emotionally. I couldn’t stop it even if I tried. The words fell out of me before I’d even registered the thought wasn’t just a thought, and was really coming out of my mouth. 

“I fucking love you” I cried out. 3 months. Three. That was it. That was all I’d had of him, and I’d known I’d loved him for probably 2 of those months. And had bitten my tongue and avoided the issue and successfully evaded his weird roundabout questions that would allude to me being in love with him until now. So if he didn’t feel the same, this was all we had, and all and would ever get. 

“Shit. Say it. Say it again baby been wantin’ it so fuckin’ long now” he rasped. I opened up my eyes, looking up at him to see his gaze was locked on me, like I had hung the sun in the sky just for him. 

“I love you Carmen.” I said honestly and he moaned, resting his forehead on mine, looking into my eyes. I smelt his minty breath mingling with mine, hot as it fanned my lips. 

“Yeah? Say it- fuck- say it one more time angel” he said, hips stuttering and thrusts becoming more sloppy. 

I cupped his cheeks, feeling as if we were the only 2 people left on earth and all we had was time.  “I fucking love you, bear” I said while looking into his eyes and he whined quietly, spilling into me so much that it began leaking out onto his thighs and the curve of my ass before he even pulled out and drawing me into a deep, fervent, wanting kiss, wrapping his strong arms around me and keeping his cock nestled deep inside as we exchanged hot, loving, messy kisses.

“Do you- do you really?” he asked when we pulled away to breathe, both of our chests moving up and down rapidly. 

I nodded, swallowing thickly “It- It slipped out…I didn’t mean to tell you like this - I wasn’t thinking- I know it scares you- I- I wont say it again if it-” he stops me by kissing me again, slipping his tongue over mine and wrapping me in a bear hug, leaning against the door and sucking on my tongue gently.

I hum in satisfaction, closing my eyes and letting him have me. “Say it whenever you want, please” he said softly when he finally pulled away. 

“You- you don’t think you can say it?” I asked, biting the inside of my lip nervously.

I had a feeling he was in love with me, but I’d been here before with someone and the L word scared them off. But the guy has been essentially living with me since we started seeing eachother - what else would that be!?

“No - No…honey thats not- I-I love you - ‘msorry, I thought you could… that you could tell what else should I do?” he asked and I smiled wide.

“Saying it was the only thing you were missing- oh and maybe coming home on time once in a while to show me you actually like being there- but nothing to be sorry for, I see you baby” I assured him, gently kissing his sticky sweaty cheek. 

I felt like I was in the most beautiful dream ever, There was nothing more that I wanted than him, and this.

He buried his face in my neck, sniffling softly and remaining quiet for a few minutes, before saying “We should go home and change, theres definitely cum all over that dress” he joked. His voice sounded slightly horse, and when I sat up to look at him he quickly wiped away a tear staining his cheek.

“I love you, and you don’t have to say it all the time baby - I’ll probably say it a lot more than you cause it’s just how I am, and I know you, and how you are. You show me with your actions how much you love me, and thats what I need. I know baby, I know you love me. I can tell you love me, every day” I wiped the stray tears from his cheeks with the pads of my thumbs, gently cupping his jaw. 

“How could you know if I never said it?” he asked and rested his hands on my lower back.

I took a deep breath, sighing softly as I thought with a small smile on my lips “Lets see… you always make me lunch- and dinner - you always watch shows I wanna watch, you actually listen to me when I talk about them- and notice things, and ask me questions. You always say thank you, even for small silly things like when I rub your hair, or when I make you your coffee. You compliment my crochet and costume making, and ask me about the books I read. You bring Persephone little toys and treats on the weekends when you have to hang out with her while I do inventory with Sadie. You always push yourself for me- even though I never ask you to, like bringing me flowers- or that time you bought my perfume because it was getting low and didn't say anything? You show me, Carmy. Every day, to be loved is to be seen. And you are always showing me that you see things about me that I didn’t notice you could even see because I thought I hid them well enough” I asked and he nodded a bit

“Now that you mention it… I guess I didn’t know what it meant, I knew I felt for you like- differently… then anyone before. But I felt like it would be too fair to call it love” he said and I pout a bit

“What do you mean, fair?” I asked and he rubs up my back gently with flat palms

“Fair to me. I didn’t think that something that felt so good could be love, that it was like- the universe fuckin’ w’me again. And something er someone  would take you away from me as soon as I called it love” he said and I gently kiss his chin, then lips, then the tip of his nose.

“Love can be scary, I keep waiting for me to do something and you just…turn. Like- like a monster or something. But it's not to do with you- because I can’t ever see you doing that, It’s just my past relationships scarred me so deeply that I'm just waiting. Like the day I dropped the cup at the restaurant, I thought you were gonna yell at me for some reason- even though you've never yelled at me. My ex would have yelled at me for hours over that- but you didn’t. You told me it was okay, and you cleaned it up and never rubbed it in my face or anything. That healed something in me, like- i’m not so scared to make a mistake around you anymore, cause it’s happened and you reacted healthily. So every time you think I'm going to leave, and I don't- it's going to heal a small part of a fear like that in you, and make this all alot less scary. At least- that's what my therapist says” I shruged a bit. 

“I’m glad it’s with you. Being in love.” he said softly, eyes fluttering shut as I gently brushed my fingers through his messy hair to look a bit more contained. 

I smiled, kissing his forehead gently “I’m glad too, Bear. I wouldn’t wanna love anyone else”

“Where the fuck have you guys been? Hey sweetheart- did you go back home and change?” Richie asks as we came in the kitchen.

I was baring a bouquet of flowers and Carmy was holding a 2 bottles of wine “sorry! Yeah my heels were bugging me it’s my fault” I said giving him a hug and he kisses my cheek

“You better not be pregnant yet the holidays are the worst time - also Richie will you quiet your loud mouth I just put Bee down” Natalie says as she comes by giving me a kiss on the cheek and ruffling Carm’s hair 

“Wine? Look at you Bear she’s turned you into a real adult- takin’ gifts to parties like a big boy” she teased, taking the bottles and he rolled his eyes 

“She’s not pregnant and you’re not funny” he took my hand, pulling me to him and rubbing my back gently.

That was another thing- the family now saw us as the next couple to get pregnant - even though we’d hardly been together a year - Because ‘they dont want our kids to be the only cousins being left out when the girls are older, I guess maybe I should take it as a good thing and being they’ve accepted me as one of theirs

“Let’s sneak t’the backyard before they can rope me in t’somethin yeah?” He whispered in my ear 

“Okay” I smiled, kissing his cheek gently and lacing our fingers together as he leads us towards the back door

“Hey! Carm I didn’t know you were coming who’s this?” An older man says and I turned around 

“I didn’t know you were comin’ hey Unc- this is my girlfriend, Winnie” he said and I smiled 

“Hi” I wave shyly to the older man. I’d never seen him before, Carmy did mention though he had been paying an Uncle Jimmy back for money Mikey had borrowed for the restaurant but no one else - so this must be him.

“Ahhhh okay, Hello Winnie - what a name. You are just a sweetheart, Is this one treatin’ you good? I can knock some sense into ‘em. You ever need anything you come find Jimmy okay?” he teased and I smiled a bit

“He is nothing short of lovely but I promise I’ll pass word if that ever changes and take you up on the offer” I joked and he smiled 

“She’s gonna fit in just fine here, Carm. Where’d you find this one?” He asked and Carm shrugged a bit. 

“Just. Around. Moms not coming is she?” Carmy asked and I looked up at him

“Who knows kid. She told me she’s off the bottle but- who knows” he said with a shrug and Carm nodded a bit. 

“Don’t tell ‘em where we went, please” he opened the back door, tugging me outside and shutting it behind us. 

“If my mom comes we’re leaving” he said and I crossed my arms. 

“You don’t want me to meet her but you love me?” I asked and he chuckled dryly.

He hadn’t spoken much about her, the most I’d known was that she’s a raging alcoholic- had driven a car through their family home at one point, but when Natalie had her first baby she cleaned up for about 6 months, then fell off again- and has been going months in addiction, then trying to clean up for a birthday or something like this, and the cycle maintains that way. 

He digs his cigarettes out of his jeans, pulling one out. “I don’t want you to meet her because I love you. Don’t pull that. Is that gonna be a fuckin’ card for you now because I was honest?” He stuck it between his lips and lit it.

I felt my stomach twist. He was already starting to fly off the handle and say things he didn’t mean. That little comment would absolutely be a deeper conversation when we did get home - because I didn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

“A card?” I scoff “what do you mean card. This isn’t a game, Carm, this is our lives, There are no cards.” I took a deep breath to try and regulate myself. “You don’t really talk about her. And I don’t want to push you- but what is it is she mean? Is it just that you think she’s gonna hate me?” I questioned and he rubbed over his forehead, exhaling smoke away from us.

“Winnie it’s not even- this isn’t even the fuckin place t’talk about it. No she’s not- she’s not fuckin mean she just has issues okay. And she - she fuckin yells it’s more for your sake, she’s all fuckin loud and I don’t want her freakin you out and - I— I just don’t want her showing up and if she does oh well, we’ll be gone before she knew we were here. I don’t even want her knowing about you. Not right now at least. Whenever we get married or whatever the fuck - sure I’ll tell ‘er, but before then she just has the potential of fucking this up” he said before taking a long drag of his cigarette. 

Of course. This was all leading back to his abandonment issues. Most of the issues in our relationship related back to my anxiety around death, and his anxiety around being left alone because he’s ‘not good enough’ in his mind. We couldn’t keep basing our relationship around fears or we’d never grow- so, I pushed.

“Your mom isn’t gonna scare me away. I don’t care if she is a screamer. My mom was a screamer. Chris didn’t have to deal with it- I did. By myself. So trust that I can handle it. I don’t want you getting comfortable yelling at me because I have to live with you. But I love you, and I love everyone else we’ve met in your family, and so I’m sure I will like her if she shows up.” I said and he shook his head. 

“No. No. I don’t wanna hear what she has T’say babe. Good- thank you- I’m glad - I-I’m happy you aren’t gonna fuckin leave but I don’t want to hear her fuckin mouth, Winnie. Shes gonna have somethin to say about you, about us. And I- I can’t handle it. I care about you too much and I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut and I’m gonna ruin the entire night. If she chooses me the whole night will get ruined because if she chooses me you’ll start and then she of course can’t -“ he shut his eyes, breathing deeply. 

He wasn’t budging about this, or even willing to compromise with me - and his telltale signs of a panic attack started to show, quick breathing, flushed skin, scrunched brows, literally shutting himself off by squeezing his eyes shut.

“Baby” I said softly, stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his middle. “We’ll go. We’ll go.” I assured him, gently running my finger over the bulging vein in his neck with a featherlight touch. “You’re so stressed love, breathe” I rub my palm gently over his racing heart. 

“This is why. I can’t even fuckin think about it Winnie, I can’t” he wrapped his arm around my waist and took another drag of his cigarette. 

I had to break this thought loop he was stuck in right now. I could see the gears turning in his mind, each and every worst-case scenario playing out in great detail like a film reel. It was something that my therapist had taught me during sessions and I had eventually picked up on, and started doing it with Carm. She would ask me a random question about something I love, so Taylor Swift, or Music Festivals, or Cats, and get me really into talking about it - and all the negative thoughts just snap away.

“How many kinds of vinegar are there?” I ask and he raised his eyebrow in confusion. 

“Vinegar?” He asked and I nod. 

“All  kinds. Well- I’ll be fair I guess cooking kinds, are there other kinds?” I gently fixed his chain to face the front. 

“Anything that is a fruit vegetable or a grain can be a vinegar, honey- why are you asking me this?” He questions and I shrug. 

“Because I wanna know. So ew you can make onion vinegar?” I scrunch my nose. 

“Uh-“ he took a drag of his cigarette “yes babe but…who the fuck would want that?” He asked, a small hint of a smile on his lips, my trick working as it usually did.

“What about balsamic vinegar, what is that?” I asked, sticking my hand under his shirt and holding his hip, stroking little lines into his skin with the pad of my thumb. 

“It’s grape juice vinegar instead of wine vinegar to put it simple” he said and I nod 

“You’re smart” I said, gently kissing his jaw “so so smart. It’s sexy” I said and he gently squeezed my bum

“What’s all the interest about vinegar babe you writin’ a book?” He teased and I giggle into his skin

“You’re not stuck in a loop anymore that’s what” I kissed down his neck. “And I was thinking about it in church. I was like what is red wine vinegar. Oh yeah and what is it?” I asked and he chuckled. 

“Mmm so full of questions sweetheart. They take red wine, then they ferment it, and then they add a culture-“ 

“A culture like yogurt?” I asked and he hummed 

“A culture like yogurt, that’s right little Sous someone’s been listening when I go on about work stuff huh?” He said, patting me gently. 

I smiled proudly “I love listening t’you. Okay keep going smarty sorry for interrupting” I said and he threw his cigarette butt down into the ash tray on the rail before wrapping his other arm around me and leaning against the wall. 

“Well not much else princess, they just ferment it and then add the culture then they put it in a barrel to ferment” he explained and the door opened 

“Bear Richie needs your help he’s fucking everything up with the lamb can you please come in?” Natalie asked 

“I literally sent him a text of what to do step by step” he huffs, “You wanna do the lemon zest honey?” He asked me as we went inside 

“Sure, I’ve been told I’m you’re best zester” I teased and he chuckled as he rolled up his sleeves to wash his hands 

“You are my best zester and my best girl.” He kisses my temple when I come next to him at the sink to wash my hands.

𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓂'𝓈 𝒫.𝒪.𝒱.🧸

After I’d dressed the lamb and put it in the oven, I went and sat on the couch with Sadie and Winnie who were deep in conversation about something I couldn’t even pay attention to at the moment. Because Nat had pulled me aside about 25 minutes ago to tell me mom is coming, but only for dessert- and only because she’s ’on the mend again.’ Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean. 

She’d been ‘on the mend’ and uncountable amount of times since Natalie's kids had been born. Each time was unpredictable to say the least. I had completely given up on her ever becoming fully ‘healthy’ whatever that means, a long time ago. But if she would at the very least be honest and not have to make a huge scene of being removed when she shows up drunk after she swore she would be ‘sober as a nun’ that would be at the very least more respectable. 

Natalie had begged me to stay. Said I was the ‘only one she’d talk to’ which felt like bullshit- because mom and I don’t talk. She talks and I listen - and I told her if she’s drunk we’re leaving. I have a bad feeling Winnie and Mom won’t take kindly to each other especially if moms drunk. Of course that wouldn’t be Winnies fault, but the point still stood strong. Also- Syd is here, and I don’t want Syd dealing with that. So if mom does show up - which I really hoped she wouldn’t and was just trying to give Natalie some false hope she still cared about the family at all since Mike did what he did - I’m taking Winnie and Syd and getting the fuck out of here.. 

I’m pulled out of my thoughts by Winnie laughing loudly “Sadie you are gonna piss him off stop” she rubs my arm 

“I think it’s precious baby don’t listen to them” she said and I look up at Sadie who’s showing Syd a video on her phone and she gasps before slapping her arm and laughing 

“Sadie stop!!” She laughs “A) he doesn’t carry a bag B) he doesn’t have a mustache- but everything else is accurate in that” she took a sip from her wine glass

“What? Are you making fun of me?” I asked and Winnie laughed a bit, a frisky grin on her face

“What!? Never baby it’s just a silly joke how we’re like..a common match I guess. It’s only a joke” she explained and I extended my hand 

“Let me see” I told Sadie and she shook her head

“You weren’t paying attention so no” she teased and I roll my eyes

“Children” but I couldn’t help but smile a bit. That was something I did around Winnie a lot. Richie was right, she is very funny, in strange ways but she is. It’s more of a childlike randomness then anything else but it tends to really draw people in. It drew me in. I still hadn’t had a chance to ruminate over what happened earlier. 

I do love her. I just feel scared that I said it, that now I did there really is another shoe waiting to drop. It almost felt like another secret, because if it’s not i’m gonna be drilled with questions. Questions that I likely don’t have the answer to and won't until I talk it out with my therapist like every other fucking thing in my life. It was starting to revolve around that woman. Or thats what it felt like. I’d been seeing an individual therapist for only 2 months out of the three we’d been dating. I’d started after breaking down in Nat’s car at 3 am that one time. She’d told me she was either dragging me there, or she ‘couldn’t be around me anymore’ because it hurt her too much to see me ‘spiraling out like Michael without the drugs’ .

I’d thought she was being dramatic, sure the only reason I broke down like that was Winnie, and I refused to stop seeing her so that would no longer happen - but I also couldn’t stand not seeing and talking to Nat so often, I forgot how much i’d missed her in New York and her …. nagging. Strangely enough. 

“Bear-” I felt a grab on my shoulder and see Nat standing there “Let’s go outside yeah?” she said and I nodded a bit, looking over at Winnie 

“Be back in a second yeah?” I kiss her head and she nods turning back to Sadie listening to whatever story she was telling her

I shut the door behind us digging a cigarette out and lighting it. “You’re quiet tonight” she leaned against the rail and watched me. 

“A lot going on in case you haven’t realized” I muttered, taking a drag and looking down the street to avert her gaze. I wasn’t gonna go into everything right now, not here - and not when mom is gonna be here who knows when because she’s said that she was coming to dessert before and then came hours before expected because she thought Nat had told her 6 when she’d really told nat 8.

“Is it…Winnie?” she asked, and I suddenly felt annoyed at the thought that anyone could ever think she did something to me to intentionally make me feel this way

“No- no. Why would it be? Its fuckin mom. Winnie was all fuckin excited to come here and be here with all of you- because i’ve told you I don’t want her around mom- so since I was told she 100% was not coming I decided - oh how fuckin nice- she talks about never havin’ a fuckin family to do shit with, and never having been to a fuckin dinner like this- and now day fuckin’ of you drop on me she’d be here. If I’d have known, I’d never have come here. I’d never have told her. Because she loves to be apart and she - she wants me to feel good about shit like this but I can’t when mom’s involved. And now - it’s gonna be a whole fucking thing t’night when we get home. And its not her fault she sees when im upset, and its not her fault she can be normal when talking about shit like this. And its not her fault were all so fucked up. So it's not Winnie- Its us. Its who we are as a fucking family unit. So thats what it is, Nat” I said and finally looked over at her. 

She sighed deeply, nodding a bit. “Shes smart, Bear. And strong as any one of us, i’ve talked to her, you know? More then just once. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and you’re a good person, Carm. She’s not pestering you, she’s worried about you. But we all know how you love worrying about your own shit so much that you can’t see the people around wanting to help.” she said.

“Thats why I don’t want her around mom. Because I know she wont be able to stand her, Nat. She’s….she doesn’t let peoples shit slide. And I’m worried because I can’t control her- I- I wont. It’s one of her…rules” I sighed a bit.

“She gives you….rules?” she asked.

“Not like that- just like- ‘do this and I’ll leave you without question this is your warning’ and one of ‘em is If I ever seriously try to control how she acts around anyone were done. Which I can understand shes a girl and all that” I stomp out the burning butt under my shoe.

“See- shes smart. And It will be fine as long as Mom comes sober and stays that way. She wont start anything with anyone as long as she is. Can you just please, please do me a favor and try to keep her away from the liquor, Carm? We’re putting it away before she gets here but… She can’t be around the kids if she drinks and Bee’s been fussy and I can't let Charlie see her if she gets drunk without anyone looking. I can’t keep an eye on her, but you can! Please Carm, please” she begged.

“No- No. Fuck no, actually. Fuck that- and fuck this, Natalie. No, I’m not leaving my fucking girlfriend alone tonight, so I can chase mom around the house to make sure that she doesn’t drink. I’ve told you. I don’t want to be a part anymore of her fuckin’ bullshit! What are- are you even getting out of this, Natalie? She’s not a grandmother, she’s an extra child you bring around presenting as a fuckin’ grandmother because you want y’r fuckin’ kids to have what we didn’t even have. Newsflash, Nat- To know how to be a fuckin’ grandmother? You need to have been a mother- something she’s never been good at. I’m glad you took me out here because the last thing I needed was mom showing up - and me being expected to play fuckin’ alcoholic sitter all night. Enjoy your shit show with mom”

 I turned around, opening the front door and having every urge to slam it, but holding back and shutting it calmly. I leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths and rubbing over my face. If I go in theliving room steaming, Winnie’s gonna cause a whole fucking scene trying to calm me down, well- not a scene - but she’d notice how upset I was off the bat, and then i’d make a scene trying to convince her I was fine when that was the furthest from the truth and spiral out of control when she didn’t believe me.

This was not how this night was gonna go. Not if I could do anything to help it. If Winnie wanted to do a big fucking family dinner at Nat’s or Richies, or something. Hell, I’d buy a fucking house and throw a dinner party there with everyone if it meant I kept her from being apart of this god damned dumpster fire of a situation. 

“Honey” I called from the hall, trying to keep my voice even and digging my keys out of my pocket.

“Comin’!” she called from the living room, a few seconds later showing up at the end of the hall and padding over to me with her glass of wine and her regular smiley warm demenor.

“Hey baby” I tried my best to put on a small smile, “Uh- I’m sorry…I’m not feelin’ good my stomach is feelin’ pretty fucked and I have bad heartburn, we’ll come back for the next one, yeah?” I told her, wrapping my hands around her hips and pulling her closer. 

“Oh no! Sweetheart, you have barely eaten today mm? That may be why your tummy is buggin’ you. Lets get you something small before dinner and you can lay down and see if it passes? If not we can go, The lamb you made is smelling so good baby I wanted to try it, I’ve never had that before” She asked sweetly, gently rubbing my chest. 

Damn her always having solutions. 

“No- honey… please- please? I just wanna go home and lay down and watch our shows, I can’t even hold anything down right now- can we?” I asked gently, leaning against the wall. 

Before she could even answer, my entire world spin and flew off of its axis. I wanted the ground to swallow Winnie and I up and send us somewhere that was anywhere but here. The entire house silenced, other then the near bane of my existence but also the unfortunate giver of life I was currently living out.  “No! NO! If my SON doesn’t want to see me, He will TELL ME WHY Natalie! He can EXPLAIN HIMSELF! I am not a child! I can HANDLE MY OWN SON YOU MY FUCKED UP LITTLE WANNABE AS MUCH AS YOU TRY TO REPLACE ME - ARE NOT HIS MOTHER!”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡

[bsaka7]

Amy Lawrence: When Arsenal faced new challengers, Arteta and his players found new solutions (full text below)

The Tottenham Hotspur DJ cranked up the volume at full time as Arsenal’s players made their way towards their supporters. It seemed like an attempt to drown out the provocative noise of celebration, but Mikel Arteta didn’t need words to express himself as he went to embrace his players. All week, they pushed themselves when Arsenal dearly needed it and the manager’s compliments after the 1-0 win were heartfelt.

Preparations for this match had thrown up complication after complication. “I didn’t enjoy it because I didn’t sleep much,” Arteta said. “I looked ahead to Spurs for four or five days and I had a clear plan how to do it. I prepared all the meetings, the training sessions and everything. Then I get the news that we’ve lost a player, and then another player and then another player, and I had to completely change it and adapt the plan to the players that we had available. It was a great challenge.”

Rising to that challenge was something he and his players addressed with seriousness and sacrifice. It required adaptability, mental and physical willingness, and, for some of the personnel out on the pitch, the determination to stretch their body to the limits.

Jorginho, who pressed and harassed and was a general nuisance to the opposition with the leadership necessary for the occasion, was cramped up in stoppage time. It was only his third full 90 minutes for Arsenal this calendar year. Jurrien Timber, who has been feeling his way back carefully from his anterior cruciate ligament injury, played with combative relish to start and finish a Premier League match for the first time.

There was a perception that this was a good time to play Arsenal, with the first-choice midfield decimated. At one point, there were four Hale End teenagers watching on and warming up from the sidelines.

The team meetings building up to this north London derby were intense and full of heart. Can you play 90 minutes? Yes. Can you play a different position? Yes. Whatever the question, they endeavoured to give a positive answer. Every player selected stood tall, listened, adjusted and bristled with positive attitude. This was a match about finding solutions to problems.

Strategically, Arsenal turned to a good, old-fashioned 4-4-2. It was a practical way of best using the limited resources available, to pair Jorginho and Thomas Partey in central midfield so they could share the load, while Bukayo Saka and Gabriel Martinelli were positioned to scrap when necessary and zip forward when possible.

Kai Havertz, with Leandro Trossard in support, dovetailed efficiently enough. But it was the defence, the rock upon which this team is built, that enabled Arsenal to tackle this game with confidence, despite the deficiencies they would have preferred to do without.

Let’s talk about Arsenal’s back line for a moment. They have a culture, a shared love of defending, an inbuilt understanding between them, which has created a collective fearlessness. That is about to get its biggest test next weekend at Manchester City.

But in general, the way they help each other out and defend as a group, rather than individuals, makes them bigger than the sum of their already impressive parts. It must be wearing for attackers trying to break them down.

The partnership of William Saliba and the matchwinner Gabriel is well established, but it was notable that David Raya and Timber, two newer members of the rearguard, played with character and authority.

Raya’s calmness and confidence have kicked on enormously since last season. As for Timber, this felt like a breakout performance. He played so assertively that it felt as if he had been part of this for years. Winning this match with his own contribution felt like a moment when he was officially inducted into the back four. Welcome, Jurrien, to this very exclusive joint.

Arsenal needed a moment, a hero, to seize all the points and it came when Saka delivered a perfect invitation for Gabriel to turn his head into a human cannon ready to fire the ball into the happy oblivion of the Tottenham net.

Arteta was delighted with the collective response from his squad. “Loving the game means that you can do things regardless of the context,” he says. “Jorginho loves the game. When he’s not playing, he’s training like an animal every day even though he’s won everything. When you ask him to play 90 minutes, which he hasn’t played for months, he can do it.

“The same with Jurrien. It’s been a year out and he hasn’t played 90 minutes at all. He was struggling but he managed to do it for the team. Kai, without a pre-season, I don’t know how many minutes he’s played, but he was unbelievable. All of them — that’s the spirit and the characters we have that I love.

“It’s a tough week coming and, instead of finding excuses, we did the opposite. The team got hungrier and hungrier to play the game. We have people that are hard and have thick skin. They love the game and we love winning. To love the game and win, you have to do things that people call ugly. ”

The fixture list hardly threw up a gentle set of away games to open the season, with Aston Villa, Tottenham and Manchester City in early succession. Even though the performances have not been perfect enough for Arteta, finding ways to win the first two, without conceding a goal, augurs well.

The week ahead remains hugely demanding, with a Champions League trip to Bergamo to play Atalanta, before the Etihad and all the vibrations that brings.

There will be more problems, more questions and the need for more solutions. One thing Arteta can be sure of is that his players will do their absolute best to find them.

[aylacavebear]

The Curse That Changed Your Life - Part 2 Chapter 6

With the witch taken care of, your hopes of being human gone, and dealing with sensations and emotions you hadn't before, life didn't seem like it was going to get much better. How would he look at you in the morning after what you'd said to him? What would you do after this? What would the next month hold, and how much like a cat were you? There were far too many questions you didn't have answers to and didn't want to ask. Would you find any answers in the month to come? Only time would tell.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You

Word Count: 4774

Warnings: Charlie being a good friend, Dealing with cycle, reader being hard on herself, Fluff, Dean being a Sweetheart. Not really much for this one.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 6

Over the next couple of days, Charlie visited you often, bringing you meals which mostly consisted of red meat or chicken. She did include some of that healthy stuff that you didn’t like very much but ate it anyway. At least she would let you have some sweets, although not much. Charlie also made sure to bring you meds to keep the pain at a dull roar with the help of the heating pad. Eileen didn’t visit often, knowing that there was a possibility that you might smell Sam on her, so she kept her distance.

On day three, you got a text from Dean, which surprised you, but it made you smile a tiny bit. 

“Hey Sweetheart, feeling any better?”

“Still crampy, and the pills Charlie gives me make me sleepy. I’m craving bacon right now, but Charlie says it’s not a meal.”

“I’ll cook some up for you, make her take it to you.”

You had to chuckle at that, and you couldn’t help the smile his words brought. At least he was talking to you, even if it was through texts.

“You made my mouth water. Let me know if she caves. I’m really hungry now.”

“I will. She’ll cave, promise.”

You pictured him smirking, sitting in the library or kitchen, leaning his arms on the table as he texted you. The heating pad on your abdomen clicked off, as it tended to do after a couple of hours or if it got to the temperature. Sighing, you flipped it over and turned it back on, glancing down at your phone.

Why does it hurt when I talk to him, or think about him? 

It was a question you’d been wondering about for longer than your cycle, and the fog of the first day hadn’t helped. The meds weren’t helping either. 

“Can we talk, after  you cook?”

You sent the text before you could decide against it.

“Sure.”

For a minute, you just stared at his response, then turned your phone off, forgetting what you’d asked about the bacon. At the moment, your thoughts were of Dean and how things had gone between the two of you over the last couple of months since that night at the club. It had been a rollercoaster for sure, and you weren’t surprised you felt depressed. The downside of thinking about it all, the cramps only got worse. You hated how they were tied to your emotional state since the curse. 

Within about thirty minutes, there was a very annoyed-looking Charlie standing in your doorway with a plate full of bacon, probably an entire package worth. For the first time in what felt like weeks, you couldn’t help but chuckle, almost laugh at her expression.

“I am not happy about this. Bacon is not a meal,” she told you, fairly annoyed as she sat down on the bed next to you, holding the plate out of your reach.

“Come on, I was craving it,” you begged, attempting to reach for the plate, even though you knew with how your cramps were, there was no way you’d get it. You were just hoping that, looking as pitiful as you did, she’d just give in.

Charlie rolled her eyes before handing over the plate, groaning, “You’re lucky I find you cute when you pout, and that you’re family.”

“Thanks, Charlie,” you replied with a mouthful of bacon, purring again at the way it made every tastebud melt into bliss.

“You’re welcome,” she half whined, half smiled, seeing how happy you were, even if it was due to the bacon. 

Dean was indeed a fantastic cook. You’d told him that before, but there was something different with the food during this cycle, and you weren’t quite able to put your finger on what. Charlie couldn’t sit there and watch you eat nothing but bacon, so she went back out, to where you weren’t sure. 

Halfway through the plate, you picked up your phone after licking your fingers clean and sent a thank-you text to Dean. You’d finally managed to find a mostly comfortable position, half laying on your side and half propped up on the several pillows that were on the bed. With your phone on the bed next to your plate, and the heating pad on your abdomen, you began relaxing.

“Glad you enjoyed it. Charlie put up a good argument, but, I won.”

You giggled, picturing that winning smirk on him as he typed that. “You made my night.”

“What did you want to talk about?”

For a moment, you just stared at his question, wondering if it was even worth bringing up during your cycle. 

“I wish we could talk face to face.”

“I’d suggest a video call, but Charlie said this is the only way I’m allowed to talk to you.”

A pout found its way to your lips, and you quickly made it go away with another bite of bacon. “Should I still keep my distance, after my cycle?” It was the best way to ask what had been running through your mind, but you weren’t prepared for his answer.

“Things will be different after your cycle. You’ll see. I’m not supposed to tell you anything, though. Charlie swore me to secrecy.”

“Not fair…” you grumbled out loud, pouting again. Stupid hormones.

“Fine. I guess I’ll just have to wait, then. I’m bored, though, and I don’t want to watch another movie or sleep. I know Charlie is gonna bring me more meds soon, and I’m gonna fall asleep. I hate sleeping so much.”

“You need the sleep. I’m glad the meds are helping. It just means you’ll feel better after your cycle is over.”

Too bad there's no inflection on tone in text. I wonder why I’m not allowed to see him.

“Fine. I hate being treated like a five-year-old, or like I can’t take care of myself.”

“Everyone cares about you. You’re family now. Let us take care of you. We wouldn’t do it if we didn’t care.”

You grumbled a little at that and tried really hard not to let it bother you, but in a way, it did. It was all hormone issues, though. If it had been any other time, you would have understood what he meant.

“Thanks again for the bacon. I guess we can always chat again sometime.”

“Get some rest, Sweetheart.”

After that last text from him, you turned your phone off and then went back to the bacon, which was nearly gone now. The cramps were getting stronger again, making you shift positions, as that one was no longer comfortable. But now, nothing was comfortable. There were four slices left on the plate, but you couldn’t eat with how the cramps were getting, so you pushed it to the far side of the bed. Just when you were about to lay down all the way to curl into a ball, Charlie showed up, meds in hand, with more water. You quickly took the pills, squirming slightly in pain as you tried to lie down on your side. Charlie knew there was nothing she could do to help, so she just tucked the blankets around you.

You whimpered as the cramps sent waves of sharp pains from your abdomen up and down your body, feeling as though they hit every nerve and muscle along the way. Tears slipped from your eyes of their own accord as your body shook a little. 

For some reason, the meds began working faster than you thought they should, but that was when you realized Cas was in your room, his first two fingers on your forehead, and a light warmth spread through your body. Then, everything went dark.

—--------------

When you woke up, you had no idea what time it was or what day it was, but you did notice the cramps were gone, and your brain didn’t feel so foggy. The heating pad was on the opposite side of the bed, and you were under the blankets. Turning toward the nightstand, you found your phone.

I slept for two days?

You set your phone back down and turned on the light, groaning as you sat up. Your entire body was sore, and you desperately wanted a shower. Grabbing the set of clothes off the desk, you forced your body to the bathroom. It wasn’t nearly as bad or as sore as last time, but every muscle still hurt. 

The shower helped, but you didn’t want to crawl back into that bed. As you made your way back over to the bed, you grabbed your phone, choosing to sit on the side of the bed that had been left entirely untouched. Then, texted Charlie. Although, you were surprised that she hadn’t shown up at your room yet.

“I’m up and showered, but I don’t want to walk to my room alone.”

It was after ten, so you figured she and the others were or at least had to be awake. Just as you were about to wonder if they were even home, your phone went off.

“Be right there.”

You smiled a little and turned your phone off, trying to remember everything that had happened over the last almost week. Charlie had said so much to you, but half of it was still lost in the fog that was now gone. Your cycle was the one main thing you hated the most since the curse. 

“Hey. Feeling better?” Charlie asked, popping into the room.

“Mostly. I don’t remember a whole lot, though,” you answered, looking up at her.

“Well, you look better at least. I kept you mostly drugged for the pain, but Cas had to put you to sleep two days ago. The meds stopped working,” she explained, sitting next to you.

The day I talked to Dean…

“I’m blaming it on eating bacon as a meal with nothing else with it. Nothing else was different that I can think of,” she added.

“I, uh, I talked to Dean, through text. I hadn’t done that before then,” you told her, quietly, almost feeling guilty for it.

“That explains a lot. Okay,” she said as if all the pieces clicked into place for her, but you were still mostly clueless. “I’ll walk with you back to your room if you want. Then me and Eileen will take care of the stuff in here.”

“I kinda was hoping to move around a little more. I feel sore, mostly from being in bed for as long as I was,” you explained, but also felt almost anxious about being around all of them again.

“We can do that,” she told you with that sunshine smile she always seemed to have. Then she sent a quick text to someone before standing up, waiting for you.

You gave her a small smile, getting yourself up. The walk out to the library was rough and slow going, but Charlie never left your side. She even let you lean on her a few times when the wall wasn’t enough. You missed being able to pace and wander when you had your cycles, but here, that was a little impossible. 

By the time you reached the war room, your muscles didn’t feel nearly as sore, and they didn’t hurt as much as they had been. There was an aroma in the air, and it smelled delicious. Charlie couldn’t hide the smile as you made it into the library.

The other four were standing there, looking happy and nervous, but at least you didn’t feel alone in that regard. “We talked, a lot over the last few days. You’re family, and we want you to feel that way,” Charlie told you, giving you a hug.

“Thanks, this means a lot to me,” you whispered to her, returning the hug.

One by one, they each came over to you and hugged you. Sam and Eileen said you were like a little sister to them, which you found endearing. When Cas hugged you, he said he loved how much like a cat you were, but also that he liked your personality. You couldn’t help but laugh a little at that one.

Dean waited till last, and he looked the most nervous as he approached you. The others slowly moved into the library, leaving the two of you in the archway. He gently wrapped his arms around you and held you close. 

“I’m sorry, for being so stupid before. If- if you can forgive me, I’d still like to go out with you,” he whispered as you wrapped your arms around his waist.

What the hell happened during my cycle?

You wanted to instantly just say yes, but you also wanted more information. Something clearly happened that you weren’t aware of. You nibbled on your bottom lip as you thought about what he said.

Fuck it. Why not. What could possibly go wrong by going out with him?

“We can at least try it and see how it goes,” you replied quietly, feeling somewhat unsure of how different things felt. 

Dean gave you a gentle squeeze before setting his hand on your lower back and leading you over to one of the library tables. They all looked like they were in a good mood, at least, and you realized that the sweet smell was a candle on the table. As you sat down, he sat next to you. Everything felt so… odd.

“Since you’re up and moving around, I’m guessing the fog is gone,” Charlie began, to which you nodded, so she continued. “I did some research on cats. Cas also took a peak at your anatomy to help out with things. You’re a lot more cat-like on the inside than even you probably know.”

You weren’t quite sure what to think. On the one hand, you were appreciative, but on the other, you wondered what the details were. “Could I possibly have some coffee? This is, a lot,” you asked, keeping your emotions in check as best you could. At least your hormones were finally leveling back out.

Dean reached over and gently began rubbing your back while Cas went to the kitchen. Something about the contact from Dean was comforting, on more than just that regular human level. Cas returned, setting a cup of hot, steaming coffee in front of you before returning to his seat.

As you sipped it, Charlie continued, “So, there are all sorts of scientific mumbo jumbo terms that you probably wouldn’t understand at the moment. I’ll try to keep it simple without dredging up too much. Depression in cats causes all sorts of problems. We all know how sad you got when we found out we couldn’t break the curse. Add how you felt about, well, all of us, in different ways, and you had almost all the symptoms cats get when they’re depressed.”

You tilted your head a bit, fairly curious at this point. It was something you hadn’t ever considered might affect you. You also weren’t aware that animals went through those sorts of things, never having pets growing up or as an adult. 

“Cats tend to pick their families. You chose us. I know that sounds weird with how things happened, but it’s just how the cat part of you is wired. Since we didn’t know how cat-like you really are, we didn’t know the little things you needed from us,” Charlie explained, seeing your mild confusion and curiosity.

The longer Charlie spoke, things were somewhat making sense. You had done a lot of research on cats but had ignored a lot as well. Dean kept rubbing your back gently, and you found yourself relaxing as your tail began swaying lazily to your side. 

Sam cleared his throat, causing you to look over at him, “We want to include you in things, if you want to stay here. None of us want to see you go back to doing something you don’t want to. So, if you’re up for it, we want to teach you about hunting.”

“Really?” you asked, surprised.

“Yup. And I’ll teach you some hand-to-hand stuff,” Dean added with a smirk you knew meant he was looking forward to it.

You couldn’t help the small smile that played along your lips. Family wasn’t something you’d had in a long time. “Now for the part you might feel weird about,” Charlie pipped in, pulling your attention to her. “Your cycles. I did drug you. It was mostly to let you sleep through this cycle while I figured other stuff out. When you told me that you had only texted with Dean, all the pieces made sense. This might sound weird, but, well, he’s your human.”

Your face went blank as you stared at her. It was something you’d read about: cats choosing their person. A light blush also found its way to your cheeks. It did explain a lot as to why Dean staying away from you had bothered you so much. Part of you also felt bad for it. 

Looking away from Charlie and down at your cup as your ears drooped a little, you mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Dean wasted no time, pulling you closer to him and nuzzling his cheek just behind your ear, “Would you stop apologizing already,” he told you, somewhat playfully.

The contact surprised you, but it also comforted you in a way you hadn’t felt before. Relief washed through you as you let your body lean into his.

“As long as Dean doesn’t do something stupid,” Charlie continued, giving Dean a warning glare, “you’ll be okay. You also need to be eating more red meat and chicken or some other sort of bird. It’s a high-protein diet. I would add fish, too, if you aren’t allergic to it. Your system was out of whack. That was also making your cycles harder. You and Dean have at least three weeks to figure things out. On your next cycle, it’ll just be the two of you here in the bunker.”

That one made your blush so deep, you swore you were the color of a tomato. When Dean chuckled, you felt it rumble from deep in his chest. “I promise, I won’t hurt you, not on purpose,” he whispered, and you could hear the soft smile in his words.

“Thanks, just nervous, I guess,” you mumbled.

“With all that out of the way,” Charlied piped in again, causing you to pull away from Dean so you could see her better. “Your cat side needs more physical contact. You’ve starved it since the curse happened, and that’s another reason your cycles were so bad, your emotions were all over the place, and your hormone levels are, or at least were, way off. Cas also healed you, but you have to keep up on things.” 

Sometimes you just loved listening to her talk with how expressive she was. It was like when she talked, she put everything into it. What she said made sense. You had pushed a lot away since the curse, and being around them had brought a lot out that you weren’t prepared for. You’d dealt with the curse and, recently, the fact that it couldn’t be broken. Now, it was time to deal with all of what you were. Which was apparently far more cat-like than you ever considered.

Dean kept contact with you; right now, it was his hand on your lower back, rubbing gentle circles against your shirt with his thumb. Charlie’s words helped put other pieces into place. Cas had healed you, completely. That was why things felt different. Your body chemistry was finally like it was supposed to be, which it never had been before.

“We typically aren’t physically affectionate people,” Sam added with a softness you weren’t used to, “but we can work on that. If you need a hug, don’t feel like you need to ask. That’s all I’m saying. Just keep all that other stuff to you and Dean.”

The last part made you giggle a little, something you hadn’t done in what felt like far too long. “Thanks. I can’t say that enough, to all of you,” it was really all you could say. “Come on, I’ll get you something to eat,” Dean told you, kissing the top of your head before he headed in that direction.

You hadn’t even thought about food, not with everything Charlie had been talking about, even if she had brought up meat, and bacon. Curiously, you grabbed your cup and followed Dean while the others did their best not to snicker as you walked away. Your ears and tail twitched with a curiosity that you hadn’t felt before, not like this anyway. Sure, you got curious in the past, but this felt different; everything did. 

Dean was already standing at the stove, heating a pan. You filled your cup again before hoisting yourself up on the island to watch him. Yes, you enjoyed sitting on surfaces that weren’t technically meant for sitting. Although, you weren’t sure if that was a cat thing or just a weird human thing. You did make sure to keep your tail on the left side of your body since Dean was also using part of the island for cooking items.

For a while, neither of you spoke. You just watched him cook, gently swaying your feet. The food did smell amazing, and just when he turned to look at you, you were licking your lips.

“Smell good?” he asked with an amused smirk.

“Let’s just say I didn’t realize I was hungry till I smelled it,” you replied, smiling happily. “Yes, it does smell good,” you decided to add, not wanting him to feel as though you didn’t want to actually answer him. 

“You know, you really are adorable,” he chuckled, shaking his head slightly in amusement as he went back to cooking. 

Your ears twitched with your tail, giving away just how good you were feeling and how good his words made you feel. It wasn’t like you could hide that sort of thing. “And you’re sweet,” you told him, and you were fairly surprised at how easily it was to feel as relaxed as you were. “Be right back,” you quickly stated, then hopped off the island.

Heading back to the library, you found Cas and hugged him, even though he was sitting down. “I can’t thank you enough, Cas. I don’t think I ever felt this good after I got cursed.” Then, you went over and hugged Charlie, now purring. “You too. Thank you, Charlie, for caring like you did, and do.”

Charlie actually blushed, but she returned the hug. Cas was still somewhat confused but smiling nonetheless. Feeling better now that you had thanked them again, you went back into the kitchen. You somehow just knew that it was those two who had done most of the work. You slid onto one of the seats at the table, just watching Dean again. You rested your head in your palms as your elbows were on the table. 

Dean plated the steak, eggs, and toast and brought it over to you, sitting down across from you. “Hope you’re hungry,” he smirked.

Licking your lips at the meal before you, “Starving.”

He chuckled at your response but sat there while you ate. You hadn’t ever looked this happy, relaxed, and playful since you’d moved in. He didn’t want to hope, but seeing you now, that hope grew within him. Charlie had given him quite the earful the day before your cycle started, and she was far harder on him than he’d ever been on himself. You were more than a person, you were also a lot like a cat. She had explained that a relationship with a person is different. Break-ups can be healed, and people can move on. When it comes to animals, though, the moving on part doesn’t always happen, and that some animals can die from depression. Dean realized quickly, thanks to Charlie, that not being with you would be far more harmful than if he chose to be, and that was just with the living situation. 

He was lost in his thoughts, watching you and figuring out just what came next for the two of you. Dean had already gone through the range of things in his thoughts. Everything from slow and gentle to fucking the brat out of you, and he was still struggling with how to even pursue a first real kiss with you at the moment.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” you asked, mouthful of a bite of steak and egg, without looking up at him.

“What makes you think I’m thinking about anything?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, fairly curious at this point.

“Your scent changes,” you replied, then swallowed the bite in your mouth, looking up at him.

Dean blushed, but attempted to smirk and recover, “Good change or bad change?” 

“Depends. What were you thinking about?” you replied, this time tilting your head, just a bit, curiously.

“Kissing you,” he answered, his smirk turning to more of a smile.

“Then it would be a good change, and now I know,” you giggled, going back to your meal.

His entire expression went to utter confusion for a moment due to your response. You didn’t say anything about him wanting to kiss you, just that the scent he gave off was good. He made a mental note to ask Charlie about that later since she’d become somewhat of an expert.

You were able to think back on other times he had that scent, and it definitely made sense. Now, at least, you knew what the change meant. It was hard to focus, though. Between the delicious meal he’d made you and the scent coming off of him, your mind was thinking about all sorts of things.

I wonder if that scent gets stronger if he thinks more intimate thoughts?

It was more curiosity than anything at this point. Popping the last bite of steak in your mouth, you purred, smiling happily. 

“I love it when you do that,” Dean chuckled, taking your plate to the sink and beginning to clean up.

That wouldn’t do for you, though, so quickly got to your feet, and got between him and the sink before he could make it there. You looked up at him, wishing you could truly express what you felt, but couldn’t find the words.

“You cooked. I can clean up,” you told him sincerely. It was the only thing you could think of, other than how close the two of you were, again.

Dean leaned a little closer, sliding the plate into the sink behind you, then set his hands on your hips, “You’re quicker than you look.”

“That? That was nothing,” you replied, but the moment you looked into his eyes, your lips parted, and your mind went blank. You’d wanted to say something else, but for the life of you, whatever it was, it was gone with how he was looking at you.

He licked his lips, and your eyes caught the movement, now watching his tongue slide between his lips before it disappeared behind them again. Slowly, you looked back up into those beautiful green eyes of his, and you could have sworn they were a shade darker. 

Your entire body went through anticipation of what he’d do next, of the what if he kissed you.

Does he even know what he does to me when he looks at me like that? Yeah, probably. 

The moment you opened your mouth to say something else, he leaned down and placed those wonderful, plump, soft pink lips of his against yours. He reached one of his hands up, gently holding your cheek. It almost felt like a dream, but your body made it clear that it was anything but. 

It was slow and intimate, and you had no control over the purring it brought on. You felt Dean smirk against your lips as he deepened the kiss, ever so slightly. Those sweet butterfly kisses you had dreamed about. Everything but the two of you was nonexistent the moment he slipped his tongue between your lips, which you let him, inhaling deeply and pressing your body closer to his. 

If it wasn’t for Cas just showing up in the kitchen, you weren’t sure how long that kiss would have lasted.

“Damnit, Cas, we talked about this,” Dean growled, annoyed, making you giggle as you calmed your breathing.

“Sorry, Dean, but we have a problem. Let me take her to her room,” Cas said in a way that made your heart pound harder against your chest.

----------------------------------------- A/N: Part 3 is on hold for now while I try to finish Soulmates. I hope I can get back to this one and get part 3 written and up for you guys.

Series Master List Part 1 Master List Part 2 Master List Past 3 Master List (On Hold) Main Master List

A/N: As always, if you'd like to be tagged, let me know in a comment. And if I missed your request to be tagged, please let me know. I know not everyone is interested in everything an author writes, so don't mind doing different tag lists for each piece of writing. I just get a lot of requests sometimes.

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[heretek-birth]

Two-Stage Pregnancy (Part 2.5)

Part 2 Part 3, Chapter 1 The Whole Story

A brief interlude before the birth in part 3.

For the last week, ever since Sarah came dangerously close to pushing her baby out prematurely, memories of that incident have been flashing through her mind. It had been terrifying, overwhelming, but she didn't feel afraid now. Her "worst-case scenario" had already come to pass, and she made it through just fine. She couldn't get those thoughts out of her head, couldn't forget the overwhelming pressure as her baby tried to force its way into the world, couldn't forget the overwhelming relief as she finally gave in and bore down, again and again and again, couldn't forget the overwhelming… something, as her husband held the head inside her despite every effort she could make.

Of course, all those thoughts had nothing to do with the fact that she was *soaking* wet right now. It was just the head pressing down. That was it. Yeah.

Actually, the head had been pressing down for a while now. This had been kind of a stressful day and she had been a little bit dehydrated earlier and she definitely hadn't been subconsciously pushing just a little bit at her desk- so her womb has been cramping intermittently for the last few hours, and the head was riding uncomfortably low, pressing hard against the sensitive nerves in her pelvis.

Now she was hunched over on a toilet in the office bathroom, "taking care of things," while one of her coworkers very kindly covered for her. "You'll get used to it my ass," Sarah griped as she felt at the wetness between her legs, gritting her teeth as even the slightest brush against her lower lips was nearly too much to handle. She was so sensitive now it was unreal, and she could only feel things getting worse as the bulging head and mounting pressure inside drove her to new heights of frustration. She could feel how low the head was, just starting to stretch open her lips, and the slight burning sensation was only making things worse.

"There's no way I can go back to work like this." Masturbating at work, that's not something Sarah ever thought she'd stoop to, but now it didn't feel like she had any better options.

"God, okay." She pressed a hand over the bulge between her legs, wincing slightly as she felt how her arousal made even the lightest touch almost unbearably intense. "Let's make this quick."

In this state, putting the fingers of her other hand to her clit was almost too much. Jamming the bottom end of her shirt in her mouth was the only thing that stopped Sarah from gasping out loud.

"Fuuuuuck, alright, come on." It wasn't taking long at all for her arousal to build. She'd been pent up all day, and, even in this unfavorable situation, Sarah could tell it wouldn't take long at all to reach her peak.

"Just don't push, just don't push…" is the mantra Sarah keeps repeating to herself, but even as she says it she can feel that she's already starting to bear down a little against her hand. This wasn't the first time this had happened to her; lately, it felt like every time she got turned on, all she could think about was giving birth. Pushing and pushing, feeling her pussy stretch wide around the head, panting and gasping and bearing down even harder as she felt that burn, forcing her open as far as she could go until-

Now she's *really* pushing, bearing down hard against her hand holding the head in place. There's no way she can deny it, she's getting off to the idea of giving birth. But there's one more thing that makes even more electricity run up her spine: the thought of stopping halfway through. To put in all that work, to go through all that pain and effort, to cry out again and again at the unbearable burning stretch as the head opens her up all the way, only to feel a strong hand press against her burning, tortured opening, to make her stay like that, to make her feel that burn for-

Now Sarah knows what she has to do. She's so close already, but there's only one thing that can fill that deep, unbearable need she feels. Shaking with uncertainty, she slowly lets up the pressure with her hand. Was she really going to do this? This was what she's been afraid of for so long, but now - fuck - now, as she feels the head start to move down, it's just way too good to stop.

Sarah takes a deep breath, gathers her courage, and pushes. She gently guides the head with her hand as she feels her lips start to stretch in earnest. It burns, it burns so much, but there's now way she can stop herself now. She pushes again, even harder, and lets out a gasp as the head spreads her open even more. It's overwhelming, unbearable, it hurts so much and it's just what she needs right now. Her fingers dance on her clit, but she doesn't want to cum just yet. She needs more. One more huge push, and this time she can't hold back her voice. It hurts, it burns, she can't help but cry out as her shaking fingers finally bring her over the edge. The head is stretching her, forcing her open so unbearably wide, but it feels too good to care as she lets the head just sit there, panting and gasping, basking in the masochistic pleasure of her half-finished birth. She gives one final shudder as she gently pushes the head back to its usual resting place, feeling its huge bulk sliding back inside her before her body finally relaxes.

It takes Sarah a few minutes to regain her composure, wipe up the worst of the fluids, and make up a plausible-sounding excuse for anything her coworkers might have noticed. As she leaves the bathroom on unsteady legs, a final thought settles at the back of her mind. For all the pain and stretching she just put herself through, at the end she wasn't even particularly close to a full crown - she could feel how much more head there was inside her. And by the time she's ready to give birth for real, the head will be much bigger than that. The idea fills her with dread, yet at the same time she can't help but notice herself blushing a little.

-

Later, at home

Wearing clothes that don't support the head. Spending a lot of time standing and walking. Skipping her medication. At the start, Sarah never would have imagined that she could end up doing any of these things accidentally. But, now, two months in to her extended pregnancy, she found herself doing all of them deliberately. They'd set aside a weekend just for this - cleared their schedules, turned off their phones, agreed on a safe word - and now it was time.

"Are you starting to feel it?" Her husband, Dave, asked her.

"Mm-hm. Getting there."

Sarah could feel her belly starting to cramp more and more frequently, the small contractions getting stronger and stronger as the day wore on. Earlier in the morning, when the two of them had just started, she could barely feel them. Now, though, after they've spent the last couple of hours holed up together, with Sarah pacing around the bedroom in nothing but a sports bra to try to encourage her baby to start making its way downwards, the pains are hard enough to make her wince a little as the head slowly bulges its way outward.

"Nnnnn-" Sarah groans as a particularly strong contraction makes her sink to her knees. "Aaaaaaah, it's starting…"

"Are you okay?" Dave puts an arm around her shoulders to help steady her. "It's not too much, is it?"

"No -Nnnnnh- I'll be okay once I start pushing."

"Do you think it's time for that?"

"Nearly," she relaxes a little, able to breathe easier as the contraction ebbs. "I'm not feeling really pushy yet, but I can tell it won't be long."

Dave offers a hand to help her to her feet, and the two of them walk together for a little longer as Sarah feels the pressure inside her slowly build. Each contraction, that feeling gets a little bit more intense, a little bit harder to breathe through as she hangs off of his shoulders, his hands on her hips, the both of them swaying gently side-to-side as they ride out the last few pains together.

"Haaaaaah, alright," Sarah breathes heavily as she feels the start of the next contraction. "I think I'm ready now."

"Not yet, okay?" Dave maintains his grip on her, keeping the two of them right where they are. "Let it build a little more."

"No, no, I can't, it's too-"

"Shhhh, shhhh, I've got you," he moves one of his hands to gently cradle her head, pressing it close against his chest. "Just breathe for me, just breathe. That's it, you've got this, I know you can do it."

It takes everything she has to stay like that, panting and holding on to Dave's neck as she feels the pressure inside her build and build and build, but, even as her legs shake and her arms tremble, even as it feels like this contraction will never end, Sarah manages to hold back. When the contraction ends, Sarah feels only more desperate. She wants nothing more than to finally get on the bed and push, but Dave's grip is firm, unyielding. She's going to stay right where she is, breathing through the contractions, holding on through that unbearable pressure, for as long as he wants her to.

Neither of them says anything as the next contraction builds. Neither of them needs to. She grips him as tight as she can, does her best to relax, and pants through the pain. He holds her close, helping her sway gently as the contraction washes over her, calmly and gently reassuring her she can hold on no matter how bad it gets. When the contraction finally starts to ebb, she can feel just how low her baby is riding, bulging against her lips from the pressure of the contractions and the force of gravity, and when the next one starts to build, the head starts to shift even more.

"Oh god, oh my god, the head is coming, it's coming out, it's stretchinnnnnng…"

"I know, it's okay, let it come. You're doing so good, just stay right there and keep breathing through the pressure. Just keep breathing. You're okay, I've got you."

It feels wrong. It feels so wrong - to just stand there while her baby inches out of her like this. She knows she should do something - push or squat or spread her legs or hold the head - she can hardly stand to just stand like this and let the head stretch her, maddeningly slowly, falling out of her a little bit at a time. It feels like the baby is dangerously close to being born, as though one hard push, if she lost concentration for even a second, could force the head out all at once (even though she's nowhere close) and it takes everything she has, every bit of courage, every bit of reassurance, every bit of her trust, to keep her hands around his neck rather than reaching down to hold her baby in place. By the time the contraction ends, she's shivering, desperate, hanging on by the barest thread from bearing down right where she stands.

"Shhhh, that's it, you've done so good. Lets go to the bed now."

In the end, it's more of a carry than anything as Dave helps her onto the bed, laying her down as she spreads her legs wide, eager to finally start pushing, even if she'll have to stop well before the head is out. He settles himself between her legs, inspecting the bulge of the head with a look bordering on reverence as he starts to gently run his fingers along her lips.

"Beautiful, so beautiful… Are you ready to push for me?"

"Ready -Nnn!- More than ready…" Sarah's voice jumps as his fingers find just the right spot, a note of desire entering her voice.

"Then push. Show me some more of that head."

Sarah pushes, letting out everything she's been holding back with a roar as she grips the back of her thighs. The dark mass of hair grows rapidly, expanding into a wider and wider oval as her lips spread open.

"That's it, come on, keep going…"

Sarah doesn't let up, even as her face goes red from the effort, even as her lips start to burn with the bulging of the head, even as it takes more and more effort to move the baby forward. It's painful, it's tiring, and it takes everything she has, but…

"Push for me, just a little more…"

Sarah pushes, pushes, and -Fuck!- there it is, there's that stretch, that delicious burn that she just can't get enough of, as she feels that hard, unyielding dome of the head force her lips open.

This is it. This is what sex between them was always meant to be. Feeling his fingers and his tongue seemingly everywhere at once, her fingers curled tightly into his hair with his head between her legs, her pussy alight with both pleasure and pain as his mouth attacks her clit and his fingers massage her lips, it's everything she needs and- not quite enough. She lets out a needy whine as she feels him lift his head from between her legs.

"Nnnn- Nnnn- Please-"

"Shhh, babe, it's okay. I know. But I need you to push one more time for me. One more big push, that's all."

"Big push?"

"Mm-hm. As long as you can. As hard as you can. It'll hurt, but I know you can do it." A shiver runs up her spine, and her hands shake a little in anticipation.

"Are we- Is the head-"

"No, the head's not close. You're safe."

"Okay." She takes a breath, nervous with anticipation. "One more." She lets the contraction build a moment longer, letting the pressure build up all the way before she grips behind her thighs, tucks in her chin, and bears down. "Fuck- Oh fuck-" She feels the head spreading her more and more, feeling her pussy burn in all the right ways as the head inches its way forward, her legs shaking, so, so close to the edge, but-

"Come on, all the way for me. It hurts, I know, but you can push harder for me than that."

He's right. She can give more. She gives it-

"Thaaaaat's it, come on, perfect," as she screams, as she cries, as she begs, as she feels his fingers brushing her clit, as she feels his warm tongue working to take the pain away, as she pushes - just a little bit more, as she fists his hair, crying out that she can't possibly open up any more, as she opens up even more with another furious, screaming push, as-

As she sees stars, crying out in a voice that she didn't even know she had as her legs clamp down around his head from the near-unbearable sensation of cumming while stretched so incredibly far, of coming closer than ever to giving birth for real.

Her vision dims a little as her orgasm fades. She feels boneless, floaty, able to process only the most basic stimuli. A firm hand, helping reset the bulging head to somewhere more comfortable. A wet cloth, to wipe up the worst of the mess. A depression in the bed, a body lying next to hers. A warm blanket, pulled over the two of them. Strong arms, wrapping around her, as she tucks her head beneath a chin.

"Are you okay?"

She manages to nod.

"That wasn't too much, was it?"

She shakes her head.

"Good."

-

A question dies on her tongue. 'How far did I get?' - in the end, she doesn't really want to know. Not far enough, for sure. She'll have to give birth to this head soon, but how in god's name she's meant to actually do that is another question entirely.

With some consultancy from @hardpainfulbirth, who has been enormously helpful answering questions about what giving birth is actually like, which I am otherwise rather anatomically disadvantaged in answering accurately.

[rayofdawnworld]

Too Late part 2

Well, here is part two of my very first Reader Inert fic. Tell me how I'm doing, please. Thanks again to @darkficsyouneveraskedfor making this wonderful mood board that inspired me to do this.

Minors DON NOT INTERACT. I MEAN IT! If you're under 18 come back when you are.

Tags will be added as needed.

I will tag you if you want.

Tagging you based on your likes: @silelda, @thezombieprostitute,@thedragonlab, @leonaax, @chocolatecherryblossomsweets

This is a Dark fic. How dark I don't know, it all depends.

Obsessive!Sherlock Holmes/Smart!Reader

Warnings, none yet.

Part 1 Part 3

You were walking home after a long day of work. It was getting late, and you still had a day's work ahead of you tomorrow. At least it wasn't raining. Some of the students thought it would be funny to spill pigs' innards all over the medical classrooms as a prank. Of course, to the casual observer, it all looked the same, but despite the similarities, there were slight differences that a more knowledgeable or careful observer would catch. You were only slightly embarrassed to admit that it had taken you a bit longer to realise that the organs spilled all over the floors were not, in fact, human. The only thing giving you some comfort was that the professors, those highly intelligent and superior minds, took longer than you. 

Sadly, since you were one of three maids who had not fainted at the macabre sight, you and the other ladies were tasked with cleaning everything up. You smelled like clotted blood and spoiled meat. You were wet, you were starving, your back hurt, you were past feeling your feet, your knees were bruising, and your hands were beginning to cramp. 

That didn't stop you from realising that someone was following you.

Of all the things I need, whatever this is right now is not it. Taking advantage of the chill, you rubbed your hands roughly and started to work out their kinks harshly, going as far as to bite some of your fingers discreetly while also constraining your breath and steps. 

There was no need to warn whoever was following you that you had caught on to their presence.

Having barely managed to gain some fluidity in your hands, you put them in your apron pockets, thanking God that you had opted not to take them off, as was your habit.

You counted your steps to ten as you breathed deeply every two steps. You grabbed the small pistol you found in your mother's jewellery bag. 

You reached ten and spun swiftly. Years of training with your mother and dancing, the one thing your aunt let you take with Anna to keep up appearances, kept you from getting dizzy. 

There was no one there. Or at least, it seemed that way. You smiled.

"I know you are out theeere" you sang in a taunt. "I felt you following me," you growled. "And I do know how to shoot." And with that final warning breathed into the night, you took off on a run. After all, you had always been a fast runner. 

You reached your shabby rooms, just barely missing the curfew. Luckily, Mrs. Acker took one look at you and ushered you in. You thanked her profusely as she helped you take off your clothes. Even your underthings were impregnated with the smell of blood, sweat, and the beginnings of rot. You would have to pay for the bath come next payday. You scrubbed yourself, feeling a bit better despite your tiredness. Looking at the clock, you moaned petulantly. You would only have a few hours of sleep before having to get up early to help old Mr. Beckwourth in the market stall selling fish. 

It wasn't by chance that you chose these jobs. Both took time, had a modestly adequate pay, rendered you invisible, and lent you a godawful smell, ensuring that none came near you. Just two more weeks. That's all. Two more weeks. You rambled in your mind as you got out of the old metallic tub and dried yourself as best you could. 

As you got ready for bed, you mourned the loss of intelligent conversation. You would do just about anything to have an engaging exchange. You'd give anything for a good game of chess. Two more weeks. You felt as if these last weeks were going to be the hardest yet. 

You seemed to have forgotten the age-old adage, Be careful about what you wish for.

 You didn't know you had been found. You didn't know that your pursuer had just managed to hide himself before you turned around, surprised by how easily you had found him out. You didn't know what your words did to his pride or how knowing that you could use a weapon made him reconsider his approach. Your father had never said anything about knowing how to handle weaponry. What else did you know? You spun with grace—yes, the grace of a dancer—but there was a precise strength as well. Your stance was that of a fighter. Did you know how to fight Pussycat? Oh yes, he remembered your mother's preferred pet name for you. Pussycat. It had potential. You didn't know that as you sprinted with considerable speed despite being held down by damp wool, a pair of vibrant blue eyes darkened with an unknown feeling as he reshaped his entire opinion about you for a second time.

As you lay in bed in a fitful sleep, you didn't know that somewhere else, a man, a most brilliant man, lay in his bed wondering what you truly looked like. Years prior, the paint you wore on your face concealed your appearance; now grime and exhaustion do the same. He had heard about your grandmother's beauty and how you resembled her, but somehow he wagered that you had suppressed her beauty tenfold. 

You didn't know what your defiance had done to your pursuer. A man with vibrant blue eyes who no longer considered you a quarry but instead now saw you as a worthy opponent.

A dangerous thing to be, his opponent.

It was a well-known fact that Sherlock Holmes was a formidable man, infamous for dragging all those who opposed him down to his feet. These next few days were going to be very entertaining. He smiled deviously as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

Whether you ended up on your knees at his feet or standing by his side depended entirely on just how smart you truly were. Not that it mattered either way. 

Sherlock Holmes always got what he wanted.

And Sherlock Holmes wanted you.

[ma3-author2]

Campfire Cooking In Another World x Reader

Finally, I got the chance to post this! Take note that this chapter is between chapters 3 and 4 in the manga. (For reference.)

What I really like about this chapter, not only that it took me days (4 days) to complete it as I always got sidetracked, is that it mainly focuses on the development.

I've never really tried tonkatsu, but I would like to try some. (I'm planning on making it with bread cramps as I don't have any Japanese ponka.)

Chapter 3: "The Kingdom of Feeneen” A new place, a new discovery, or perhaps a new blush?"

____________________ Previous Chapter ---> Part 1 /// Part 2

"There it is. The border of the kingdom of Feeneen."

You heard Werner say it, and seeing it from afar, you couldn't help but gape your mouth in excitement and curiosity for what you would discover upon entering it. The only problem was that the group couldn't easily enter without the guards who were guarding the border and were now asking some questions.

You didn’t find it a problem, as it’s their job to know who will enter first before letting them in. What you find a problem with is how Mukoda doesn’t really have any common sense, but hey. He's just a human; he's not perfect. But he's been doing it since you two arrived in that world.

‘Or maybe not. He also acts like this at work.’

"How about I go first and explain?" Werner volunteered to go first to try and sweet talk the guards.

-L/N-san. Do you think everything will go well? -

-Let’s hope it will. I don’t want to pay any fines. This gluttonous beast almost took it all.-

Mukoda sheepishly chuckled at your remark. I mean, he could give you some of his money, but knowing you, You will refuse it. After the group arrived at the front of the gate, it wasn’t long before you received a very warm welcome, and that was by them pointing their many spears. (A: Oh? Lol)

Maybe it was instinct, as you and Mukoda had raised your hands to show that you were not a threat or going to commit any sort of crime.

"Is that the legendary Fenrir, who is really your familiar?" Edgar, who calls himself the captain of the fourth knight squad, asks you two to explain it to him.

-Legendary? Huh! Don’t make me laugh! He’s more of a gluttony legend.

-...Really L/N-san…?-

Mukoda sighs, introducing Fenrir and confirming that it is what they think. "Yes, we have formed a contract with this Fenrir." As soon as he let out those sentences, every guard stood with caution and shock visible in their faces.

This is their first time facing one, and they fear that with one wrong move, they will wake up in the afterlife.

Seeing their faces, it was your turn to talk. "Don’t worry. He will not harm even a single hair. If he ever did so. Take him." You explained that you were pointing your palm at Mukoda, who has a face of betrayal.

"L/N-san! Are you serious?!" in which you simply smiled at him.

-Don’t worry, I will visit you-

-L/N-SAN!!-

"...Hmm, even so. He’s still a legendary beast that can destroy a country; is he really not going to do any harm to this kingdom and its people?" Edgar is figuring out if it’s really safe to let Fenrir in.

"He won't, and he would already have done so if he wanted to, yet he didn’t, which means we came in peace. I know you're worried, but this glutto- *Cough* Fel will not touch anything or destroy the country. Right?" You glared at Fel, who was now snarling at you.

He definitely heard that you were going to call him gluttonous. Oh, how he wanted to refuse any request you made, but seeing how you gave him a look, The look of ‘If you don’t cooperate, you won’t eat anything for a whole week.’ With a wide eye looking at him.

Even if he's the legendary beast that people or any beast should fear, he's fearless. For the first time, he felt it.

"J-just like she said, I won’t cause any problems, and D-don’t compare me to dumb monsters. If they don’t mean any harm to me, then I won’t do anything to them."

Edgar, who hummed, is still debating if he would risk letting this legendary beast inside, but upon hearing the others telling them how Fenrir even hunts for their food and hasn’t done anything bad,

In the end, you and Mukoda can celebrate as he lets the group in. The only thing that stops you from celebrating is:

"Those with no guild card have to pay 5 silver coins for each person and also 2 silver coins for the beast," the guard said, pointing at Fel.

You could only clinch your palm, as this gluttony beast is not only a food addict but a money eater as well. Mukoda, who saw your expression, had volunteered to pay Fel, but you stopped him by telling him that you were also responsible for it.

This is the thing he really likes about you: you may look like a selfish person who doesn’t want to pay for someone's dinner, which in fact you should if you’re the one who invited them. (Like a first date rule.) For Mukoda, it was the opposite.

"We’re in!"

"It was really scary when we were surrounded." Rita and Vincent exclaimed, followed by Mukoda and you thanking them. If it weren’t for them, you two might be dead.

"...But it seems Mukoda-san and Y/N-san are going to get busy from now on."  Once you two heard Werner, leaving only Mukoda confused and you sighing at his airheadedness,

"Eh? What do you mean?" Mukoda asked only to choke on his saliva when his eyes landed on yours. It's really not a big deal to react that way; it's just you deadpanly looking at him.

‘Really?’

‘Ha-ha..’

Werner then continued telling Mukoda that the captain looks like he’s thinking about writing a report, and this, of course, will get to the ears of the Marquess of the area; furthermore, the king will also know about it.

"You two don’t plan on staying?"

"Yeah, we talk about it and are still thinking about going around lots of places," you replied to Werner, who nodded at what you said.

"So you’re two going on a trip again?"

"Yup, if you have any places that you want us to go to, that would be great."

"Hey, how long are we going to stand here?" Fel jumped in, only for his irritation to be replaced by a sudden cough when you eyed him. You sigh at Fel not only does he need to diet but to have patience as well.

And beside, who wouldn’t want to go sight-seeing and sell the stuff from the online supermarket you and Mukoda have? In this world, that stuff might be dangerous, but it’s a good way to get instant money after all, since you're in a different world where the ‘stuff’ you two have doesn’t exist in that world.

Or you two can open a restaurant.

"Then, Mukoda-san, Y/N-san, I think you should register at the adventure guild."

"The adventure guild?" Mukoda ask. He first glanced at you, but seeing your clueless look, he clinched his palm. Finally, you're also clueless and won’t judge him.

"You two paid for the fee to enter the kingdom, right?" Werner continued as he saw you two nod. "If you can prove that you’re from either the adventure guild or the merchant guild, you won’t have to pay that fee; this is really necessary for traveling."

"Ah, so like a train card!"

"W-what she meant to say is like a ticket to enter a kingdom," Mukoda immediately said as Werner and the others looked at you confused. He then sheepishly chuckled as he shared that you two are more suitable to be merchants than adventurers, which you agreed with.

Werner, hum seeing what you two are pointing out, but even so, "But still… Mukoda-san, Y/N-san. Let me ask you something. Fel-sama hunts for his own food, right?"

"He better be." Werner dryly chuckles at your remark and then continues, "Then what about dismantling the beast for its meat? For us, it’s not a problem, but after we have finished our quest,"

You nodded, seeing his point. With them, it wasn’t a problem, but with them gone, you don’t want to dismantle a dead beast; you don’t even know how to dismantle a fish. What more to an unknown species?

Your ears immediately perked; did you hear him right? You can sell the part that can’t be eaten. And being an adventurer would bring more? You would gladly take that opportunity, even if you could only earn bronze coins. Hey, money is money.

You're not stealing from Fel; he's just paying you two for the food he keeps asking for. So it’s fair and square.

Mukoda doesn’t know if it’s right to be an adventurer, as he hardly sees himself as one, and he can’t picture how he would be on a real battle field, but for you? He could only sweat-drop as you were busy smiling at the thought of the benefit.

This was hard for him, but when he heard Vincent tell him that if he's still unsure of which one to become, he can register for both.

"Huh…? Is that allowed?"

"Well, there aren't that many, but it’s not like it’s never been done before, for example, by a wandering merchant or ingredient store owner."

Soon the group arrives in front of the town near the border, which is called Fariell. Instead of getting hyped like Rita, you and Mukoda could hug the money bag that was now getting thinner by the second you entered, as even the town has an entrance fee.

‘We should really register for a guild soon.’

‘Agree.’

Vincent, who nagged you two mutteringly to look upfront and at the view of it, just seeing this person's joyful look leaves a trace of bitter taste. The look he gave you two is like, ‘Oh, this person has a legendary beast! I can get some advantage of it!’ or maybe this person reminds you of those fake friends and co-workers.

"You two must be Mukoda-sama and Y/N-sama, right? I am the marquess Rindel’s servant, Edmon. I am pleased to be your acquaintance! Actually, the Marquess Rindel-sama has been waiting to meet with you two!"

As he kept going and going, trying to sweet talk you two out of getting what he wanted, it helped by leaving a more irked image above your forehead. Mukoda on the other side dryly chuckles at your expression; if he wouldn’t stop this guy from talking, you would.

Oh, how he reminds him that you only have a few sweet talks.

"No, no, a common traveler like us shouldn’t be meeting with the marquess," Mukoda explained, but even when he tried to politely decline this fuck- this guy still continued. You were about to join in when Fel went first, and he is now glaring at this person.

He already knew what this marquee aimed for, and he doesn't like it even a bit. "Hey you, you still don’t get it, do you?! My master and mistress don't want to meet you."

"This-this is Fe…Fenrir-sama!" The marquess was surprised at Fenrir's appearance, and just like he heard, this magnificent beast is really special. He then stumbled forward only a little inch for Fel to hear him say, "Fenrir-sama, please go with us to..."

"He won’t go with you, and neither will we. Didn’t you just hear that my companion here has already declined? Why are you still pursuing us? That’s harrasment. If you keep going, I will let this gluttony eat you instead. Are we clear?" Cutting his words and threatening him, looking at him and saying that you will do it if he won’t leave soon.

And seeing him run off to who knows where, almost stumbling down, the group who was watching and listening felt a sudden cold running down their spines. In their mind, ‘She is really Fel-sama master all right.’ Pointing out that if Fel was just a pup and growing by your side, Yup.

"L-L/N-san, isn’t that a bit too much?" Mukoda asked, but instead of answering him, Fel did it for you.

"No, she did the right thing. Idiots like that can’t understand if you don’t do that much... " Fel then quickly looked at you, eyes expressing an irritation look, and said, "You dare continue to call me GLUTTONY!? you!"

Mukoda and the group could only watch as the two of you started to bark at one another. While you two are busy, Werner asks Mukoda if it’s alright to decline that marquess, as those nobles are really uptight when it comes to keeping their appearance.

"I haven’t thought about that yet…" Mukoda is more worried about the two who still continued. At this point, you two are gaining a lot of attention.

"I don’t think the noble’s private soldiers can go up against Fel-sama to begin with." Franka mentions, followed by Vincent, that if it’s against Fenrir, a worthy foe would be an ancient dragon.

"An ancient dragon, huh? yeah that is the only enemy that can match my power." Fel said he stopped his barking to tell this to the group, even if it ruined his ego and pride that someone could match him, but was replaced by an irk when he heard you cough.

-Are you laughing at me?!-

-No, but really? Any beast or human can’t match your hunger. At least I saved your pride. Right?-

-Shut up!- Fel's face was covered in red; was it anger? Or embarrassment... at least he's still number one, and as he told this to the group who asked him if he fought one, oh, how he wanted to lie and tell them that he won. He's not really a beast who likes to lie, but because of you, he's thinking about it.

But hey, even if he's a prideful and now gluttony beast based on his mistress description, He would never lie. (Lol)

You really did see him as a gluttonous beast rather than a scary beast, but maybe that is much better than fearing him. It’s still early to say it, but for you, Fel is not that bad. Maybe because you only have 2 gold coins and 5 silver coins, you saw Fel and decided, that ‘Hey, I’m running out of money. Is it my fault? Or him? Hmm, why not both? So it’s fair?’

Okay, maybe that’s too much and not a good reason to act like a bitch. After all, sooner or later, you'll get the feeling that Fel will be the companion who will help you and Mukoda survive this new place.

It saddens you to see the group leaving as they complete their mission, even if you only met them for a short time. You felt that closeness.

"We’re going to go turn in the report about this," Werner said as he retracted the paper that you and Mukoda signed.

"Guess that means we’re parting ways here." Mukoda also felt sad; after all, this group is the first to join you two on your first journey.

"Please keep the meat left from the red boar, and if you feel your split on the parts from the rock bird is not enough, then..." Werner wanted to say that the group could give the rest back, but you and Mukoda stopped him.

"No, we have already troubled you guys too much, thank you for escorting us here."

"And here to replenish your energy on your way back, think of it as a thank you basket." You added Mukoda sentence by giving them a basket full of freshly baked bread that you bought, or rather, free stuff from your skills.

You've got to thank Fel; if it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t get this free stuff. Just seeing the group exclaim in happiness as you took it out of your item box and they can’t wait to eat it at the same time as thanking you continuously.

"Wouldn’t they get suspicious as to where you got it?" Mukoda whispered next to you, and in return, you smiled at him, and that smile almost made him flustered. Is it because the sun is shining at you, making the atmosphere warm?

"No, they won’t. They will be too busy eating it to think of it."

No, it’s not the sun or the warmth, because that warmth has already been on him from the beginning. (A: If it’s cold, I could warm it for him. Hehe. *Oven sound when the food is finish* what are you thinking? (--)

As the group waves farewell, they thank you two again, sharing how it was a fun and memorable trip, mostly because of the food, on which you also agreed.

"What should we do next, L/N-san? We managed to get out of the Rayseer kingdom, and we don’t plan on staying in the town for long. Should we register at the guild first?"

"To be honest, I need to find a job first."

"Eh? Why?"

"I… don’t have enough money to get a guild card, and I don’t know how much the fee is…" You sheepishly chuckled. It wasn’t the first time that you did this, and Mukoda already knows that look.

"Don’t worry, it’s on me."

"But you don’t have to; I can just find a quick job to earn money."

"No, I can't let you, and beside, even if I’m an airhead sometimes, you're also one; you’re in a new place, and we don’t know what they will give you... so just to make sure and keep things safe, I will handle the fee."

You don’t know if you will be grateful or offended by him. Now you feel what he felt when you gave him a side eye.

"Please bring the air-headed Mukoda-san back."

He could only snort at your remark, and seeing him like this... Is it just the heat? As you felt your cheeks burning?

"Are you okay?"

"A-ah! Yes! Should we go?"

Maybe it’s not, or maybe it is. You don’t know; you're still thinking about it. Fel, who was watching, scoffed at it. Already knowing where this would lead in the end, all of a sudden he felt this unease.

Hmm, maybe because if you two got a child together, all your attention would be on that little bean, and the food he got might be reduced! Or, in the worst case, he won’t get anymore of that delicious food. No, that can’t happen!

"I can’t let that happen! You two better be safe, understand?!" In translation, he meant

-You two better use protection!

But for you and Mukoda, it meant that he was worried that you two would get killed in an accident and that his food would stop coming. Kind of sweet and selfish of him.

"Understood?!" Fel repeated that, as you two didn’t give him the answer, he could finally huff out when he heard it.

"Yes"

"Yeah"

‘Are we really the masters or him? Should I just sell him rather than the item?’

‘Patient L/N-san. I’m starting to think like you if you keep going’

But really, what kind of legendary beast drools whenever he thinks of food? Wait, that's kind of funny, but any living being would too if they were really gluttons or simply very hungry people.

You don’t blame him because you also drool at Mukoda food (A; himself *when he's cooking the delicious food* but yeah, him). That is when you are too lazy to stand up and cook real food.

THE GUILD

After you arrived in front of the guild without waiting and immediately got in, the first thing you noticed was how busy the people are, and for the first time, you felt like you were about to get your first interview in this world.

It may not be a modern job, but inside this guild, it is not different when it comes to an interview room; this guild also has a job, and the advantage of it is that you can pick any sort of job you want, not only taking a mission every day with a different kind, taking a quest out of the board, and going back to get the reward.

In short, you're just inside a game, playing it in reality rather than on Windows.

"Sorry for making you wait... My name is Michaela. I will take care of you two today. Thank you for choosing our guild."

You swore that this world is unique not only for its uniqueness and the many beasts, but also because the people here are hella fine. You wonder what soap they use to have that shiny skin. You should check later only to brush off that thought, as you don’t have any money to buy one.

"About earlier, we’re sorry for the ruckus." You said that 10 minutes ago, when you three walked in, the people got scared and screamed because of the sudden appearance of Fenrir.

"Oh no. It’s my fault for being inconsiderate. Well then, let me introduce these to you two first."

Michaela has begun telling you about the guild, and you must remember that every guild has its own symbols and name. The guild you three are in is a cross-continental organization.

A picture of a scale You don’t know what that means, but whoever decided to name this guild just crossed the board and thought, "Hey. Let’s go with this.

After Michaela shared the brief introduction, she continued by saying that the merchants are divided into five levels.

"Annual taxes and fees are based on their ranks. The taxes collected by the guild will be paid to each kingdom as a tariff" Of course, you should have seen this coming. Just like any job out there, taxes are a thing.

She then shared that depending on the fees, the entrance fees will be reduced or voided, which makes traveling between kingdoms or cities more swift. That's why you're there because of the entrance fee.

"However, if you conduct illegal businesses, you will be punished and your membership will be revoked. What level do Mukoda-sama and L/N-sama want to register for?"

"Hmm, let's see... For the moment, I don’t have any plans to open a stall or a store, so I think I will go with the iron rank. What about you, L/N-san? Didn’t you plan to open a store?" Mukoda asks, eyes averting at you.

"Yeah, but you know me. That store won’t last a month, so... I will go with the iron rank as well."

"Okay then, I will be back to give you your membership card. Please wait." And before Michaela could walk away, you called her, asking if there were any fees that you two needed to pay to get the membership card.

And to your relief, "It’s free for a first timer, but if you lose it, you will have to pay to have it remade. So please be careful with it."

Soon she came back with a two-silver card, and seeing your name on it, somehow you two have the ability to write and read their language, and it's a good thing that you don’t need to study for it.

"Oh, by the way, do you have a buying service here?" You ask, "We collected some stuff on the way here, so..."

Mukoda was about to ask what you meant by that, as the stuff was all at the Iron Will group. Only to shut his lips when you mention that he should be quiet.

"Oh, if it’s something that can be legally traded, then we can take them all"

"Then I’ll see you tomorrow, Michaela-san. We will bring the stuff here."

Thanks to Michaela's sharing where you can find an inn that also accepts monster companions, you are now at the barn near the inn, as the owner didn’t expect that the monster companion would be that big.

You also didn’t expect that Fel would cost that much for one night.

"L/N-san, what do you mean that we have some stuff to sell?"

"Oh, that, I’m planning to sell the item we can buy at the online store. Now I know what you're thinking; it’s not illegal to do, as it’s like selling the item you no longer use. And I will only sell an ingredient that already exists here."

Mukoda, hum seeing your point. He too plans to do it as the money he has is getting shorter, hoping that 1 or 5 golds will be enough.

"Hey, I’ve been starving since noon. My stomach is rumbling hard. Can you cook now?" Fel interfered, and he was right as you heard the rumbling, or maybe yours as well.

Thanks to the Iron Will group, there’s still some pork left. Now, what you really like about this world, aside from the skills you get, is the item box. A summoned warrior’s skill can contain a limitless amount, and the items that are stored in it are not affected by time.

You wonder if the tree student knows about it.

"What will you cook, L/N-san?"

"Hmm.. I’m craving for white rice."

"Oh, me too. Should we cook it?"

"Sure, but, if we wanted to cook some rice, we needed a gas stove and some other stuff for the rice to cook. "The problem is I’m short right now, so I will simply cook a tonkatsu or kakuni."

"Well, it's a good thing that there are no fees on the card, so I can buy those things." L/N-san, can you cut the meat and season it while I handle the rice?"

You really wanted to decline, but who are you to refuse it? Plus, tomorrow you can earn money and give Mukoda his money back. You just hope you can at least get six gold coins from it.

While Mukoda is busy handling the rice, here you are at your very own cooking show. If he gets the chance, you will also have yours.

The first thing you did to make the tonkatsu was moisten the panko, which is basically panko that has a little more moisture. (Picture it as a fluffy part of bread.) You then sprayed a little water on the panko to moisten it. (The spray that you got at the store only cost 1 bronze, while the panko cost 5 bronze.)

You then slice the meat and fat. For you, having more fat on the meat gives it more flavor as it produces its own oil when it is placed in a warm pot, but in this case, more meat is much more enjoyable.

Using the knife, you pounded the pork to expand the texture. Satisfied with the result, you then continued it by adding the black pepper and salt. While waiting to let the pork observe the season.

You went to put the eggs in the bowl, mixing the egg yolks until they settled to a plain yellow. Afterward, you went to buy flour and bread cramps. (The bread cramps are for you, as you like yours crispy, and it added more flavor to it.) It cost you around 4 bronze.

Fel was quietly watching you as you placed the meat on the egg yolks, coated it with flour, went back to dip it in the egg yolks, and finally coated it with a rough flour. (Panko.)

He continued to watch you as you repeated the process, and he couldn't help but ask as to why you have a different coating and only a small portion of the other coating (bread cramps).

"This one is mine; I’m making a tonkatsu, and the common thing to use for coating is panko. I just like mine with bread cramps."

"Uh, what?"

You dryly chuckle if you let him eat one; you fear he will ask for more, and you already coated all the meat (with panko) except yours that you were just coating, and it was enough for just two people as you plan to give Mukoda some.

"I’ll let you taste it tomorrow."

"I don’t know why you don’t want to tell me, but make sure you will cook it tomorrow."

"That is, if you hunt for the meat, and is it hard for you to ask nicely?"

If it weren’t for Fel titling his head and acting cute, oh, how you wanted to pet him. Fel on the other side wasn’t sure what you meant by that; this is always how he speaks. Is it just you, or are your cooking skills getting better?

As you gently place the meat in the hot oil and see it shimmer, followed by a tasty smell, and feel yourself drooling at it,

"That smells good, L/N-san; oh, is that Tonkatsu?" Mukoda commented, sniffing the air as it left a good aroma. His eyes then landed on the separate bowl. He almost forgot that you like yours crispy.

"Yup, and you know how I like mine crispier; I also made one for you."

"Oh, thank you. The rice is almost ready. but you should have asked me to buy the ponka and bread cramps. I wouldn’t mind." He said this, sweating at the ingredients laying on the table and the wrapper on the empty box.

"It’s fine, and you already handled the rice, so let me handle this one."

"Oi! Is it ready yet? I’m starving!"

Mukoda snorted at Fel's eagerness to taste the food you made. Well, for starters, he too can’t wait to taste your food. (You)  Just seeing it cook and neatly placed it on the plate.

If you ever continue to open a restaurant, he won’t get tired of going and eating there every day. He will be your number-one regular customer. It really satisfied you to see their reaction as they took a bite. Cooking can be a very hard and tiring thing to do, but hearing and seeing them this happy is enough to replace your hard work.

"This is so good!! One more, please! Though I really want to taste that other one, I will wait tomorrow." You chuckled at Fel's bluntness, yet it left you with a big smile that he wasn’t lying about your food being good.

"L/N-san, this is really good!" Mukoda compliment taking another bite, pausing for a bit as he looked like he was thinking of something. "L/N-san, this will be better with ‘That!’"

He doesn’t need to say more, as you already knew what he meant. As for Fel, who looks confused, "What was what?"

"This!" As you showed the soy sauce, you were not waiting for anything and immediately poured the garlic soy sauce and radish-flavored soy sauce. You've got to thank Mukoda for mentioning it, as it just adds more spark to the food.

"It’s the same red pork, but the taste keeps changing. This is really miraculous!" Fel said, licking the sauce at the corner of his mouth.

"Right! Whoever invented this is a genius!" You replied, taking a big bite at the tonkatsu, followed by a mouthful of rice. Imagine it as you're riding a bus home with music in the background or on your headphones.

Thinking of a scenario as you view the outside world Either looking for the best comeback for the person who fought with you or just the story that you want to be in and changing some plot

What you didn’t know while you were busy enjoying the food was that Mukoda, who was eyeing you, couldn’t help but also think of a scenario. It was very different from what you were thinking.

The thought of going home with you and how you welcome him with a big warm hug served with a big warm meal, or a k-kiss?

‘N-no, no. That’s impossible—why am I thinking of this? I- *Sigh*’ Still, he smiled at the thought of it and hoped that one day he would have enough courage to tell you. The only thing stopping him from continuing it is that he fears that once he says it, your friendship will be ruined.

He heard many stories about how friendship can be ruined if one party confesses, and the person who confesses with them often sees them only as a friend.

Fel, who was watching at the back, shook his head, even though Mukoda didn’t say it in words. Fel already knew by the way Mukoda was eyeing you. Fel then huffed. He must do what he needs to do, and with his help, even if he gets his food reduced, that will be a long time before it happens.

-Kid, I will help you, so don’t worry!-

-W-what? Er… Fel, what do you mean--

-Foolish human, even if I will get less food. I will help you tell her how you feel. So don’t worry, as I will handle it for you--- mmph!!!-

It's sad to say Fel didn’t get the chance to stand up as Mukoda had shoved him away, causing both of them to fall down. As for you, you only look at them in such confusion that you soon laugh as the sauce gets all over their faces.

"What are you two doing anyway?" You ask, holding out your hand for him.

"N-nothing! I thought I saw a spider, so-- hehe" Mukoda lied, eyeing Fel to be quiet, and as he took your hand, oh, how he loved his instinct, which cost him, or rather you, to explode.

He sweetly took the left rice at the corner of your lips, rather than taking it like a lost coin. He brushes his thumbs across those lips of yours.

Fel, who huffs proudly -My work here is done!" but - He could only cry silently at the thought of the food reducing.

*Sob Sob*

[averysmolbear]

“I’ll stay right here, okay?”

CW: mentions of anxiety and depression (and some centering on those sorts of experiences and feelings so definitely don't read if that's triggering for you!). absolutely not proofread since I wrote it a few minutes ago (so it's very self indulgent). female reader with she/her pronouns used and a brief mention of menstruation. very hurt/comfort centric. pro hero Shoto (in his 20s). established relationship with the reader.

A/N: I was having what I refer to as a "bad brain day" because I allowed all my little anxieties recently catch up with me so I wanted to write a little something with Shoto (one of my faves) comforting the reader who was going through something similar.

Pairing: Pro Hero Shoto Todoroki x fem!reader

The moment that you didn’t respond to his text, Shoto Todoroki was on his way to see you. It wasn’t like you to ignore him when he sent you an afternoon text to remind you that he loved you and that he couldn’t wait to get home to see you. Like clockwork, Shoto had sent the text and slipped his phone into a pocket in his hero costume. He knew that there would be a familiar little buzz soon enough with the phone vibrating to let him know you had texted back.

For a moment, the young hero thought that he hadn’t felt the phone go off. Sometimes it was 45 minutes later before you could send him a text after all but it had been almost 2 hours and by now, Shoto knew he should have heard something. Sometimes you would just text back that you loved and missed him too, complete with some cute heart emoji or another. Sometimes you would send him a picture of yourself, even if it was just you sitting on the couch at home. Today, the lack of response from you made Shoto feel sick to his stomach.

He had pulled out his phone a few times to make sure he hadn’t missed the message but eventually he was done waiting. Something had to have happened between the time he left this morning for his shift at the agency and this very moment. He still had a couple of hours left to keep patrolling but he didn’t care. It was Shoto’s own agency after all which meant that he was the boss and if the boss needed to go home early, he was going to do it. You meant more to him than anything else after all.

He didn’t bother to change into his street clothes, hopping into his car after returning to the agency so he could head straight home. He tried calling once he was in the car but you didn’t answer, causing panic to rise within the young hero. What if something had happened to you? It wasn’t as if the two of you kept your relationship a secret. Shoto doubted that a villain would leave you alone in an effort to get to him. You were a target and in Shoto’s racing mind, he ran through every person he had recently caught who might have a vendetta against him.

By the time he got home, Shoto felt like he was a wreck. He burst into the front door, calling out your name in a panic. He didn’t even bother taking off his shoes, rushing straight for the living room first. When he saw you laying on the couch, cocooned in a plush blanket from your shared bed, he let out a soft breath. You looked like you were safe but that didn’t explain why you hadn’t answered his text.

He began to run through the things that it could be. Was it because you were menstruating? No, he actually knew your cycle probably better than you did and it would be another week at least before you might be dealing with cramps and the like. Was it because you were sick? He hadn’t noticed you sniffling recently and you hadn’t complained about feeling ill so Shoto didn’t think it was that either.

“Y/N?” Shoto softly spoke your name before sitting on the couch at your feet. He noticed that you didn’t even look at him when he said your name but your eyes were puffy and your cheeks were a little red. “Is it … one of your bad days, love?”

You slowly opened your eyes only to have tears start to stream down your already tear-stained cheeks. You didn’t have the will to sit up but you let Shoto help you anyway, trying to bite back the little sobs that were building up in your throat. You let him carefully put an arm around your shoulders and your head immediately fell to the side to rest against Shoto’s shoulder. He had his cool side to you and something about it felt soothing right now.

Soft, hiccuping breaths gave way to your shaky voice. “I’m sorry,” you said, closing your eyes tightly. “I … I don’t … I don’t mean to …”

“Shh,” Shoto soothed, shaking his head as he pulled you closer. “You don’t have to explain. I already know.”

You had tried to hide some of your lower moments from Shoto when you first started dating. The first time that you had wound up letting yourself get overwhelmed to the point that you broke, Shoto had nearly had a panic attack himself. He hadn’t been sure what to do but eventually had settled on sitting with you quietly, holding you in his arms while you tried to explain that it wasn’t his fault, that you had gotten overwhelmed and it would be fine. Now he was well versed in these moments although they happened less and less because Shoto also had gotten very good at being able to tell when you were nearing that point of being overwhelmed.

Somehow he had missed it this time but he didn’t say that. Blaming himself wouldn’t help you feel better because Shoto knew you would just end up trying to comfort him instead when you were the one who needed to be comforted.

“I’ll stay right here, okay?” he finally said as he pulled you on to his lap.

You let the blanket fall off of you as you curled up on your boyfriend’s lap, nuzzling your nose in his neck. Breathing in his familiar scent was calming and it helped you center yourself. Even without saying anything out loud, you had started going through the things you could see, hear, smell, taste, and touch as you worked on slowing your racing mind. You knew that you were clinging to Shoto but he didn’t seem to mind.

Your breathing started to even out, matching his own breathing pattern. Being this close to Shoto caused your body to naturally fall into sync with his. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head but didn’t speak until he felt your body completely relax in his arms. He didn’t care how long that would take and he waited quietly as he held you and let your mind and body settle back down again.

“We’re ordering dinner and you can pick a movie for us to watch, okay?” your boyfriend said as he brushed some of your hair out of your eyes. Shoto smiled down at you as you looked up at him with bloodshot and puffy eyes. “While we wait for the food, I’m drawing you a bath.”

“Shoto,” you said, ready to argue that he was doing too much but you could see that he was serious about this so with a sigh, you nodded. “Fine.”

With you still in his arms, Shoto stood up, cradling you to his chest as he walked to the bathroom. Again you wanted to protest but you knew he was going to do all of this anyway. You were also too exhausted to fight the pampering that you knew you were about to receive so you just placed a couple of soft kisses on Shoto’s jaw and gave in. There were worse ways for you to end your night on a day like today. And at least you weren’t going through it alone.

[andinthedarknessbindthem]

Bofur x Reader - Loving Stares

This is based on a 'Sickeningly Sweet Relationship Bingo Card' that I found and forgot to save. So if I find that post, I'll add it here!

I'm a bit rusty since I haven't written since 2019, so please feel free to send requests or comments on anything I need to change! Thank you and much love! <3

✿ Words: 1,214

✿ Themes: Fluff

✿ Prompt: Staring into each other's eyes.

✿ Posted: 2/11/23

Tonight had been an especially frigid night. You had been tossing and turning just trying to keep your body warm by the fire. It was truly an unpleasant night. If you were on your back, your right side was cold. But if you were on your stomach your left side was cold. It was even worse when you completely faced or turned away from the fire.

After what seemed to have been hours (but was realistically only minutes), you sat up with a defeated sigh. There was no way you were going to get any sleep tonight. You looked around the clearing and over all of the sleeping dwarves. They all seemed so peaceful and content when they aren’t fighting orcs or fleeing for their lives. The light crackling of the fire and the soft breaths and snores soothe your thoughts.

You slowly stood up from your bedroll, moving close to the fire with your blanket wrapped tightly around your shoulders. A glint of eyes in the tree line caught your attention as you sat on a tree log next to the fire. You narrowed your eyes to try and get a better look at who it was, a small smile spreading over your lips. It looks like Ori was on watch. Silently waving at him, he returned the gesture with a bright smile.

What a sweetheart.

You turned your attention back to the fire, only now noticing how stiff your hands felt. Attempting to warm them, you lightly rubbed them together close to the fire. A slight breeze blew past, making your whole body shiver. You were so cold that jumping into the fire seemed like a viable option.

“Psst.” A quiet voice cut through the air, pulling you out of your trance. Your eyes jumped from dwarf to dwarf to skim the faces around the flames until you spotted Bofur, eyes slightly cracked open.

You silently tilted your head in question. His hand raised and signaled you over.

Bofur had always been the most approachable of the dwarves to you. When you first ran across them, they all seemed skeptical of you. But not Bofur, he accepted you with open arms and an open heart, making you feel like he genuinely cared for you.

He had been your go-to person when you need a lookout to wash up or if you generally needed help with something. Truthfully, you found yourself falling for him with every sweet thing he said or did for you.

One moment that stood out, in particular, was the first week you traveled with the company. Your body hadn’t been used to walking for long distances yet. Aches and cramps plagued your muscles with every passing day. One night, He came up to you with no words, just lifted your legs onto his lap and slowly started to rub your tense calves. His fingers were like heaven against your skin, applying just enough pressure to work out the strained muscles but soft enough that it didn’t hurt.

You stood again, crossing your arms to contain your light shivering. Slowly moving towards him and being as quiet as possible not to wake any of your other friends.

When you finally reached him, you took notice of how the flickering light of the fire licked over his skin deliciously. His hat was discarded to the side of his bedroll. You swallowed thickly, pushing down any depraved thoughts.

He didn't say anything as you looked down on him. He just smiled that lovely smile up at you, eyes half-lidded. His arms raised towards you causing your head to quirk in silent question. Slowly, the gears turned in your head, your cheeks heating up as his actions finally dawned on you.

He wanted you to share his bedroll.

“Oh, Bofur.” You started with a swift shake of your head “Uh- I shouldn’t… cant! I can’t.” You corrected yourself.

“Just lay down lass.” His voice was thick with sleep. You blinked for a few seconds before lowering yourself onto your knees at the very edge of his bedroll. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you forward onto his chest. You did your best to haphazardly toss your blanket on you both.

“Mahal (Y/N), you’re freezing.” He cringed, eyes clenching closed as your frozen skin meshed with his own warmth.

You placed your hands on his chest to push yourself up before speaking, “I’m sorry, I can go back to the fire.” Your breath hitched when his arms tightened around you, not letting you up.

Both of his eyes opened now, a subtle look of concern peeking out. “No. Stay.” The desire in his voice kept you locked in place. You waited for any sign of reconsideration but there was none.

Slowly lowering yourself back down onto him, you began shifting around for a moment, his arms loosening to allow you to get comfortable. As you slid off of his chest to lay next to him, his left arm moved underneath your head as his right rested on your waist.

You couldn’t help the content hum that passed your lips. He was providing enough warmth under the blankets for the both of you.

Everything was so quiet, despite the occasional crackle and snore. Time seemed to slow in this position. Both of you stared into each other's eyes like you were entranced. After a while, his right arm tugged you closer so your torsos were pressed together. You're sure that your face is bright red now. When his right arm slowly moved upwards, fingers lightly trailing against your skin, a shiver ran up your spine.

You open and close your mouth looking for the right thing to say, but settled on bringing a hand up to stroke one of his soft braids. His hand comes to rest on your cheek, thumb rubbing in warm circles.

Unknowingly, you both had been closing the small gap between each other. You could feel a light brush of his mustache against your cheeks.

So close…

Watching carefully as Bofur’s eyes moved down your face, pausing on your lips before making their way up again. Your heart fluttered excitedly, the cold air soon forgotten.

Bofur’s thumb lightly brushed over your bottom lip, leaving a hot trail in its wake. Your eyes flickered between his as you pushed forward, your lips connecting hungrily. You were completely at his mercy.

Despite Bofur's lips being lightly chapped, they were soft against your own. His tongue teased at your lower lip, moving into a light nibble. A soft moan escaped your throat as you parted your lips for him. Your tongues mingled together, he was so warm and sweet.

Bofur pulled back, littering a trail of kisses over your cheek and down to your neck. Any attempt to catch your breath was halted when he began to suck the skin meeting at your shoulder, a quiet whimper flitting past your lips. You could feel his grin widen against your flesh as he placed one last kiss on the spot.

He pressed his face into your hair, whispering a small, “Bunnanunê.”

You reached up, tangling your fingers in his hair. “What does that mean?” You hummed.

“My tiny treasure.” Bofur breathed before removing himself from your hair and taking your lips again.

[ang3l0fde4th4ndd0gs]

The Marauders As Things My Friends/Family And I Have Said Part 2:

Sirius: I wanna start a gang war

James: DO IT

Remus: DO IT

Minnie: HERE'S ALL THE REASONS YOU'RE WRONG

Sirius: Annoying over powerful

James: *standing in a corner* I have a cramp. So I have to fix it

Remus: It looks like you're trying to dissolve into the wall

Sirius: Holding up the house?

Peter: I thought they were peeing...

Remus: *on his tenth caffeine source of the day*

Regulus: Your immune system has gotta be screaming for help

James: It's been doing that since they were 5

Remus: It try to kill me first

Reggie: TRUE

Lily: *talking about Snape* He's nice.

James: stops walking He's what?

Remus: Why'd you go boom boom and then yay???

Barty:Repeated "no hibbity dibbity"

Evan: Beetlejuice BEETLEJUICE

James: FORTHELOVEOFGODLETUSTHROUGH gangnam style to intimidate

Sirius: screams "ring" into a doorway

Remus *after catching Jegulus in the commons* : What do you know about the guy your best friend was found with?

James: What do you know about the guy you're running around with? Remus: TOO MUCH

Barty *during a shared trial with Sirius*: For someone who's son is dead, you don't seem-

Sirius: HE'S ACCUSING US

Regulus: I thought I just had a touch of the tism. But NOPE. Depression

Sirius: Is there a trojan horse inside my kneecap? Is there like spartans tryna stab their way out?

Remus: Wow. Almost every word of that was wrong

Snape: falls asleep

James: Put a stick in it

Sirius: WE'D HAVE AN IDIOT ON A STICK

Remus: Y'know, that's a delicacy in france

Barty: Damn, looks like we're all down with the sickness.

Evan: Oh aa-aaa-aa FUCK

Remus: Do you actually need something or are you just being stupid?

Sirius: are those the only two options?

Remus: ....Yes

James: WHOEVER'S SCREAMING YOUR MOM'S A HOE

Remus: I DON'T FUCKING HAVE ONE, YOU TWIT

James: chokes Jesus-

Sirius: I feel like I'm high

James: i wish I was high

Sirius: you wanna get high?

James: we could get high?

Sirius: we can get high

James: Bet

Remus: NOBODY'S SMOKING AT SCHOOL WHAT THE FUCK

Regulus: I should probably eat something

Pandora: Yeah, but you won't

Regulus: I- How would you know?

James: How long has it been since you ate anything of substantial value?

Regulus: like…… A week maybe a week and a half…. Okay point made-

[liminsendhelp]

Don't pet the flea cat

Price×f!reader

Tags: slight description of reader (chubby, muscular, strong, denying gender as a concept), possibly slightly sociopathic/autistic reader, profanity, denial of authority, evil scientist on the way to becoming.

tags and warns are the same as in the last post, srry, I don't have time to make it more civilized and readable.

Enjoy

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4.

Since you're an adult with an immense ego lying in the depths of the ocean, you accept the challenge.

You can be quite social. Even with animals.

Before lunch (you noticed this back in the first week) there was always smoke coming from one of the cubbyholes.

The recruits smoked there quietly, after training, as if they really believed no one knew about it.

You left your dressing gown in the office, appearing to Dr Moon in all your immediate black-as-fuck guise.

So you were less conspicuous for sneaking up on smokers after all.

"Got a cigarette, soldiers?"

The one on duty last night flinches. He snorts when he sees your nonchalant face. His aggressive friend scowls.

"Smoke your own."

"No lighter either?"

"Are you stupid?"

"No, you're confusing me with someone else."

Your face is the dark smooth water of the Bermuda Triangle. He's lost and uncomprehending looking at you.

There's a rustle of some kind off to the side. You take out a packet of cigarettes and shove one of them into his hand.

You light the other one defiantly with your 'not working' lighter.

"Stop pouting. Maybe I liked you and you're chasing me away."

"Oh, don't give me that fucking shit."

"Why? Maybe I have a fetish for stuffed cabbage."

"A what?" Raises an eyebrow at the aggressive soldier. Your cigarette has already travelled to his pocket.

"It's mincemeat in a lettuce leaf." Smirks the third soldier.

Conversation. It's a thing people have been bugging you about for years.

You're an expert at talking if you don't like someone.

So half an hour later, you're sitting with the recruits at the same table while they laugh off your insults in their direction.

They feel unhumbled just because every name-calling from you is incredibly stupid. If someone tries to take offence or starts responding to you, it looks so stupid that the aggression immediately ends with a new wave of laughter.

"What the fuck do you need science for? You're a clown."

"I decided not to take your job. I could never resist natural talent."

He's immediately repelled by the next one.

"You know what they say about people who talk too much? That they're good targets with legs."

"I'm really glad you're in such demand."

"You'll get one of us to beat you to death."

"Taking after your stepfather, Chad?"

"If I were you, I'd-"

"If I were you, I'd keep my mouth shut all day long. You have such a pretty mouth when you don't talk, baby."

Someone whistles under your ear. Quietly, so as not to attract any more attention than they already do. The last of the defeated soldiers blushes, seems about to respond, but is already driven back. The next ones lunge forward, waiting for their portion of shit on their heads.

It's so strange how they're all annoyed and fascinated by you at the same time. Little rats in a cramped cage around a shabby cat.

"What do you think of my mouth?"

"Capacious. Next."

"And with those lips you suck your father's dick?"

"I don't think that would be possible."

"He's dead? That's a shame."

"Didn't give me anything but heartburn, either." You tapped yourself on your stomach, grinning. "But I did feel better after I came home and snacked on your mum. Say hi, son."

After five minutes, everything subsides. One of the soldiers with a name you were too lazy to remember gently claps you on the shoulder, ducking down.

"The lions are in the enclosure."

You crane your neck in the direction everyone has abruptly turned away from.

"Why the reaction?"

"Do you realise who this is?"

"A very successful and respected unit. But you're fighting puppies here too, aren't you?"

You're pinched and turned towards the plates.

"They might not do anything to you, but we had an entire squad run from breakfast to dinner for one fucker staring at Ghost. Not that we weren't used to that, but the ones who collapsed from overexertion were fired."

Yeah. The taciturn cretin has a sense of humour. Plus point for him, minus five for the soldier who clearly isn't telling the whole story.

"Couldn't agree more with his methods. Especially since it worked. But 'not staring' and acting the way you do are different things."

He rocks and eats in silence. You turn around again and catch Price's gaze.

You raise an eyebrow. He nods.

You get up from your seat. Five seconds later, you slam the bars of the cage shut. A dray cat in an enclosure with lions.

"You eat the delinquents?"

Ghost watches you the same way he did the entire time you walked to their table - blank and black eyes. The question was asked into the air to probe the atmosphere at the table. You suspected that each of them was not far removed from their subordinates in their sense of humour. To insult them directly you could not, unfortunately.

Instead of the expected ignoring, at most a chuckle from Price, you get a greasy Manchester accent in your ears. The cloth mask moves in time with the movement of his mouth.

Skull. Really? You hadn't noticed.

Is he goth or emo?

"No. Just killing."

"What do you do with the teeth?"

"We pull them out and store them until we run out of bullets."

"Can I have a couple of dozen? Preferably rotten ones with holes in them. They make good necklaces."

Wow, they're all so much the same in this eagerness to fight even as a joke.

You don't notice yourself leaning closer to him in response.

"Are you a dentist?"

"I'm a scientist. But I've dissected a couple of corpses. Would you like to be a test subject?"

"Do I get a lab coat?"

"Yes, you can even sign it. You know how to do that, don't you?"

"How trivial. And this is a man of science?"

You have identical grins on your faces. You pull back the same way, in unison.

"John Soap McTavish." He holds out his hand.

"Your boss's boss in five years." You extend your hand in return.

He snorts, but accepts that wording. You shake hands, trying to break each other's palms. At some point, you stop moving your hands, just squeezing your fingers on each other's hands. Your chapped skin turns white from the force you exerted, your face remaining calm. You stare into Soap's eyes with the certainty of your failure, making you angrier and darker than you were a moment before.

His palms are larger, and he tries to take advantage of this by pressing on the pain point with his thumb. But you're already there, pressing your thumb into his muscle. Soap doesn't react. His grip on your limb has cut off the blood supply, you feel a slight numbness, but you're stubborn. You can't back down.

"Will you stop?" Price's low, husky voice almost makes you listen. Fucking shame.

"She's first."

You snicker. Nope, fuck no.

Abruptly pulling his palm towards you, you lean in with your tongue out. Before you can touch his skin, Soap releases you with a nervous chuckle. Thankful that he has a modicum of squeamishness in him. You're sure the same Ghost would let you lick his hand all you want.

Would have let me lick Price?

What.

As Soap wipes non-existent saliva from his palm on his trouser leg, a fourth man begins to speak.

"You're rabid, aren't you?" His hair is dark and curly, his eyes like a cow's, understanding. He examines you, rough, dishevelled. You probably do smell wild. But he nods anyway and holds out his hand to you. "Gas."

Your eyebrow flicks upwards. Before you ask which Autobot his father slept with, he gives you the full version of the name.

"Kyle, Garrick."

You nod and release his hand after a brief handshake. Soap looks indignant. I wonder how much more indignant he'd be if you hadn't restrained your urge to tell Gaz how handsome he is by the dog's standards.

"Ghost." Burps Manchester across from you.

"I know."

That's it. There's no more greeting to be had.

You look around at them all, forcing yourself to let go of all your clamps and shyness. You're equal. Not in the front, not in the back. On the side. They're just the biggest piece of meat you've ever tried to bite off.

"Analysing mental and physical changes in groups of individuals involved in combat. Draft title of my future article. Depending on the amount of information, the study period may include data from 2 to 15 years. If you are consenting, you will only be required to be interviewed on agreed questions about your well-being." Access to medical records is not their concern. They have no voting rights here, and you hope they realise that.

"Agreed to by whom?"

"First with my superiors, then with yours. Then…" You look meaningfully in Price's direction. "Supervisory concurrence. Your status protects you from my scientific hunger. Naturally, everything is anonymous. If this work ever sees the light of day, which I hope it does, it will be in as abridged and polished a state as possible."

"Then why?"

"Developing more effective rehabilitation programmes. Strengthening the psychological care staff for active military personnel. That's just as an example."

"No. Why would you do that?"

You stare into the black hole of his eyes. Lie or half-tell? All at once.

"I don't like losing opportunities that lie in front of my nose. You have interesting brains, and I want to understand them. Violence is in human nature, but you touch the most perverse part of it almost daily."

"The truth."

You tilt your head to the side. Interrupted, rebuked for lying. Truthful, but, it doesn't take away from your irritation. It's like your face is sharpening. A truly insulted cat.

"Okay. I got knocked over with the first sentence. With no explanation."

"Subject?"

"Rape."

There's no reaction at the table. At that moment, the silence around you, the obvious observation of dozens of pairs of eyes, becomes even more obvious and louder. You're genuinely surprised. No negativity, no derision.

"I realised the odds of consent were slim. But I couldn't help but check. Such 'projects' - if they have the good fortune to be realised in any way - are always investigations, private. Uncovered on the spot, destroyed on the spot. And I wanted, still want, to gather information, opinions, confessions. In an anonymous form. Bottom line, I'd put it in front of them," You look up meaningfully for a second, "like the charred cross of Christ, for edification." You clench your jaw, forcing yourself to drop your shoulders and exhale. Your tone doesn't rise for a second, but the mask of biting friendliness has come off completely. Two pairs of equally empty eyes. You spoke even quieter. "And I can't be penalised for taking the initiative, I'm in a safer position. As someone outside the system."

Ghost hummed.

"You want to do one study under the guise of another?"

"One would be enough with my head. But, yes, if I can."

You feel questioning waves of looks from Pryce, sitting to your left. You can't call his surprise ostentatious, but there are signs in the way his breathing becomes a little quieter, more focused, the way his head tilts.

A captain should know his soldiers. And he did, so he didn't expect any interest from Ghost. You can't disagree.

And you can't help but push.

"So?"

Ghost nods slowly. Brilliant.

In addition to you winning it, bonus goes to the other two. If you get the hierarchy right, the smaller tanks will follow those three in a string of smaller tanks.

pls write a review, tell me how bad this is and why I should stop writing. love kisses. punch heart like you've wanted to punch your dad for a long time