#i have an interview tomorrow that could like. change my life if it goes well.

[the-kipsabian]

tomorrow is such an important day, im a mcfucking nervous anxious wreck already gOD

[mistressreaper]

Love on the Brain

Singer!Bakugo x reader

A/n: okay so first fic I’ve done in years😅 I’m gonna make this a series so let’s all hope it goes well! Thank you to @spark2flame for chatting with me and making this come to life in my head!

Summary: Being Katsuki Bakugo’s, Dynamight, manager is not easy. Especially since you two have been friends for years and what do you know, you’ve got a major school girl crush on him too! With the stress of being in the limelight on his shoulders you decide to keep your feelings to yourself, you don’t want to complicate things between you two. That is until you find out something shocking.

⚠️: this part contains adult themes at the VERY beginning and the rest of the series will too, swearing, descriptions of the body (I believe that’s all this chapter)

So without further to do and I sincerely hope this format looks better than it did when I first posted….Part 1!!

“Just like that princess, fuck, there you go.” Katsuki moaned and threw his head back, his body full of pleasure. His hand had a fistful of your hair guiding your head along his cock while you took him as far as you could, tears falling from your eyes. Your nails dug into his thighs and Katsuki groaned. “Fuck baby, your mouth feels so good. Gonna cum down your throat then I’m gonna-I’m gonna fuck that pretty pussy of yours til you’re dumb.” He began stumbling over his words and pushing your head down on him harder. His tip hit the back of your throat over and over again and your moans sent a shiver up his body. “So close Princess, so fucking-

You shot up straight in bed gasping for air. Fuck, you thought, that’s the fifth time this month you’ve had that dream about Bakugo. You could feel the wetness in your shorts that had built up from your dream, “god damn it”. You looked at your clock and groaned, it was time for you to wake up anyway. You got out of bed and changed bottoms before deciding to just change your sheets later. You grabbed your phone and made your way to the kitchen for breakfast. You sat down at the table with your bowl of cereal while scrolling on your phone. “Fuck. Damn it Bakugo.” There was a video posted online of him punching the shit out of some guy at a bar. Why did he have to make the job of being his manager harder than it needs to be? Searching your contacts you dialed up Hizashi Yamada. “Hey Mic, I need to cash in that favor.”

“I am not bringing that asshole on my station.”

“Hizashi, please? I know he can be a dickhead but I promise he will be on his best behavior.” There was a silence for a minute or two.

“Bring me some of those cookies you make and I’ll consider it. You have to stay here with him though.”

You sighed, “Thank you Mic, I appreciate it.” He gave a hum in response and ended the call. Your phone pinged notifying you of a text.

Mic- 9 Am. And DON’T forget the cookies

You chuckled and took a bite of your cereal just as the door across from the dining table opened. Out walked Bakugo in his shirtless glory scratching his head and yawning, “What’s so fuckin funny?” You looked away because you could feel your cheeks heating up. He grabbed the box of cereal from the counter and the milk from the fridge before sitting down with you at the table.

“Was talking to Hizashi, you have an interview tomorrow at 9 AM.” You took another bite of cereal and almost choked when you saw the death glare Bakugo was giving you. Instantly killing the residual feelings from your dream this morning.

“What the fuck! Why so early?” He growled. “I specifically told you no more early interviews.” He shoveled a handful of Frosted Flakes in his mouth then took a giant gulp from the milk carton.

“Don’t piss me off and do shit I tell you not to. I told you not to fight that guy in the bar last week and what did you do? You broke his damn nose! You need to apologize and since we have no clue who that guy was right now a public apology is as best as we can do.”

“He had a big mouth! He fucking deserved it.”

“Deserved it or not Katsuki you can’t be getting into bar fights, especially now that your new songs are topping the charts and everyone’s eyes are on you.” Sighing you got up and grabbed a bowl and spoon and gave it to him. You never knew what was going on in his head, but you do know that stress has been weighing on him the last few months. Deadlines for new music, performances every other night, keeping up with the press. It’s a lot for you just to schedule it, much less for Bakugo to accomplish it all and still have that smug ass look on his face at the end of the day. “Don’t eat like a fucking animal.” Bakugo rolled his eyes as he poured milk in the bowl. “What the hell? The cereal goes first!”

A grunt is what you got in response. You just shook your head and made your way to your room, sometimes sharing an apartment with your best friend irritated you with the dumb things he did. Opening your closet you grabbed a big t-shirt, probably one of your older brothers, some shorts, and some undergarments. Thankfully today was a free day, no interviews, concerts, signings, just relaxing. You snatched a towel from the cabinet and headed to the bathroom to shower. As you get closer to the door you hear running water. “Seriously! You know I shower every morning!”

“I needed to this morning.” Bakugo’s voice was still rough from performing the night before.

“Why’s that?”

You didn’t get a response right away but eventually all you got was, “Reasons.” Huffing you sank down to the floor in front of the bathroom door. You’d just wait until he was done to chew his ass out. A few more minutes passed until the water shut off and you heard the rings of the shower curtain slide back. “Finally, now give me the real reason you didn’t shower last-“ you were cut off by the door opening and Bakugo standing there with only a towel sitting loosely on his hips. Part of you hated him right now for taking up your designated shower time, but the other part of you that enjoyed seeing him like this was beginning to take over.

His damp blonde hair sticking to the sides of his face, water droplets running down his bare chest over the jet black tattoos, down his stomach and past his tattoo on his v-line before soaking into the towel that obstructed the rest of your view. “Oi, you listening? Hey!” You snapped out of your trace, cheeks pink from embarrassment. “I said I was too tired to shower last night. Sorry I didn’t tell you.” He held his hand out to help you up.

You took it but your left leg had fallen asleep and you stumbled forward, fuck fuck fuck fuck Is all you could think as you went face first into Bakugo’s chest. Your whole face burned red now, no doubt about it. “Watch it. You okay?”

“I’m fine! Just really need to shower!” You pulled away and scurried around him into the bathroom before slamming the door.

——————

Calmed down and now clean, you stepped out of the shower and dried off, you looked through your clothes for your underwear but couldn’t find them. “Hm, maybe I forgot to grab them.” After getting dressed and just deciding to go without underwear you made your way to the kitchen to get something to drink. Bakugo was sitting on the couch watching tv in grey sweats and a black tank top, thankfully paying no mind to you. You grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and poured you a glass and sat down at the table again, this time your back to Bakugo. You sighed and took back your thoughts from this morning, you’re glad you share an apartment with him.

[annwrites]

—million dollar man

you're screwed up & brilliant, look like a million dollar man. so why is my heart broke? — kendall roy x officeassistant!reader ; ✎° ༶

You've just finished topping off your coffee mug when someone else enters the break room.

You glance up, giving the man a kind smile. "Want me to pour you a cup?"

He pauses, studying you for a moment.

Do you not know who he is?

He shakes his head. "No, thanks."

You nod, placing the pot back into the machine.

"I don't think I've seen you around here before. You new?" He asks, leaning back against the marble counter, crossing his arms.

You blow on your coffee for a moment, looking at him with wide eyes as you take a sip. You shake your head then. "No, I just started not quite two weeks ago."

That explains it then, Kendall thinks.

You extend a hand toward him. "I'm Y/N. I work just down the hall as an office assistant."

He slides his hand into yours. "Ken. Mail room."

He doesn't entirely know why the fuck he lies about it—himself.

He should be irritated by the fact you're working here—standing in one of his—rather, his father's breakrooms—drinking his coffee, while he pays your bills, all while you have no idea who his son and, at the very least, hopeful, heir is.

But to be treated like anyone else for a moment... to just loosen and relax while talking to a pretty girl—there's something about playing pretend in this moment that he finds appealing. So, he allows the ruse to continue.

You wrap your hand back around your mug. "I'm surprised they make you wear suits down there."

He blanks, but only for a moment. "Job interview, hoping to move up a couple floors."

You smile, and he finds it adorable. "I hope it goes well!"

Your phone chimes then, signaling the end of your break. "Well, I have to get back to work, but it was nice to meet you, Ken."

"You too."

You turn to head out of the breakroom, until he speaks from behind you. "See you tomorrow. Maybe."

You turn, looking at him over your shoulder, curls falling down your back as you give him another warm smile. "Maybe."

kendall roy may have the world at his feet and more sycophants than he can count at his beck-and-call, but what he lacks is any sort of real connection. with anyone. including his parents, siblings, even his wife and child.

enter you, new office assistant to waystar royco. some nobody...who comes to mean everything to him.

your life starts out in a tiny apartment while you barely scrape by, until a new friend comes into your life, brightening your days. he gives you something to look forward to when you come into work every morning.

and then you learn the truth...and that you've been being lied to for weeks.

not only do you feel humiliated for being so stupid and blind, but also somehow used. until he explains what your brief conversations, and lunches, and texts have meant to him.

reluctant to part ways, you forgive him, if not cautiously—now paranoid that one wrong step could land you in hot water and cost you your job.

until somewhere down the road, a question is asked that changes your life, ensuring you'll never want for financial stability ever again.

plotting:

reader only discovers the truth after a co-worker of hers catches her & kendall coming back from lunch together one day & she's all "how the hell do you know kendall roy?!"

"ken...kendall roy? he said his name...no. he never said—"

"are you like...sleeping with him or something?"

"no! of course not!"

the next day ken thinks all is well & good, until she barely speaks to him. he pushes her to find out what's wrong & she lets him see just how upset she is. goes so far as to tell him she's afraid to tell him she is, bc she's terrified it could cost her her job.

he apologizes profusely, desperate to fix things just as they're ready to break, afraid to lose her. so he tells her just that.

perhaps a bit reluctantly, she forgives him.

but now that the cat is out of the bag...he can start taking her on proper dates that aren't just down the street for lunch (which he paid for every time, btw).

[tomorrowxtogether]

SOOBIN: “It’s always been my goal for the other members to be happy”

TOMORROW X TOGETHER The Name Chapter: FREEFALL comeback interview

2023.10.23

SOOBIN, as always, speaks in a calm voice throughout. Whether he’s talking about the happiness that surrounds him, the challenges he faces, the pleasures of everyday life, or the major goals that guide the group, his voice is resolute but relaxed—spirited, but soft.

You kept talking about how you want to watch the new movie Concrete Utopia.

SOOBIN: I never ended up seeing it. It left theaters. (laughs) If someone in my friends’ group chat says, “There’s a movie I want to see,” then someone else asks who can go, and then anyone who can goes to see it. I’m really thankful to have friends who will come with me to see the movies I want to watch.

You took a trip with them recently, isn’t that right?

SOOBIN: I took an overnight trip with them to Gapyeong not that long ago. We had a cooking competition, then they asked me to teach them the dance for “Sugar Rush Ride.” So I showed them and then they spontaneously held a competition and asked me to be the judge. It was really fun and super cute. (laughs)

It sounds like your friends are very important to you.

SOOBIN: It’s fair to say they know me really well. They really love me and look out for me. Usually when they say something like, “Choi Soobin’s eating only this much? Something wrong?”—there really is something wrong. These days they’re so good at seeing through me. It’s almost annoying. (laughs) And if any of us goes too far, we apologize on the spot. And after we take a trip, we even say, I had such a great time thanks to you guys. You really made me happy. It’s always like that. I get carried away in that kind of environment which lets me say embarrassing things, and even though we bicker sometimes, it leads to self-improvement. I guess you could say I’ve become a kinder person overall and I’m capable of being a lot more open now. I really learned how to express myself.

I imagine that you get a lot of energy out of that whole process.

SOOBIN: I started going out way more this year. I was having a lot of personal doubts and feeling confused last year, so it wasn’t an easy time. So I went around looking for help, talked a lot to more experienced artists, and got some advice. I ended up getting really close to a lot of people. After that, I had more reasons to go out. It’s a refreshing change of pace from the same routine every day, so I really need that time these days.

How did you feel during the world tour? Judging by your vlogs from that time, it looks like you established your own little routine for after each concert.

SOOBIN: You hear from a lot of different artists that they sometimes feel empty when they get in after a concert. But not me. (laughs) After seeing all those people in big crowds, coming back, and having some alone time, it’s—I mean, that’s a really full day. I think it’s important to have time to be alone and reflect, and to enjoy your hobbies. I don’t really feel like I need to follow up something as special as a concert with something else exciting. I actually feel more comfortable just spending each day the way I’m used to spending it.

I’m surprised you cherish what’s already comfortable to you so much when you also want to try so many new activities.

SOOBIN: I guess you could say I have a personality like a flame. There’s so many things I want to do, but I also get tired of them pretty quickly. For a while I was learning swimming and boxing, then I had an interest in baking and thought about buying an oven, but I was over it quickly. I also bought a camera and then, after a month, never touched it again. (laughs) Anyway, I’m the kind of person who pretty much goes ahead and does things as soon as I want to do them. I never hesitate to start something and I’ll even skip sleep when I want to try something. I can’t stand when I don’t have a hobby to do. It’s tough for me if I can’t have a good time and break out of my routine with something new. I guess that explains my personality where I have to do whatever I want. I’m the kind of person who tries to enjoy what he wants when I want to because I never know when I might lose interest.

But you have far more endurance doing what you do than other people.

SOOBIN: I don’t think I could’ve put this much into any job other than this one. I can already see myself living a lazy life when I’m much older and retired (laughs) so I want to do everything I can while I can. There’s a lot of people who work to make us shine, especially in a line of work like this, so there’s no way I could just phone it in when they’re putting their all into it.

You must have devoted a lot of time and effort toward getting ready for this comeback. You mentioned several times on Weverse Live how excited you are for the new album.

SOOBIN: It’s about embracing and pushing your way through the pain and the hard times you come up against in the real world, so I felt like it’s something I can comprehend and express well. I was actually worried about the last album because I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to pull off the concept of the album, and that’s why I didn’t feel very confident. But the songs are a little bit more of an “easy listening” songs this time and the choreography’s fun, so I’m more confident this time. At first I thought the single “Chasing That Feeling” was basic, but after listening to it four or five times, I realized how catchy it was and started humming it to myself. It felt like the kind of song you’d never skip over in a playlist and one you can keep listening to over and over.

You also mentioned that the dance moves for “Chasing That Feeling” are more physically demanding than those for “Back for More” (TXT Ver.).

SOOBIN: Everyone would assume that “Back for More (TXT Ver.)” is more tough when you see it, but for me, “Chasing That Feeling” is actually more physically demanding. But I still love the choreography. I had so much fun with it when first learning it and I was full of excitement while dancing, but the dance coaches told me, “SOOBIN, you have to do this one with more tenderness. You’re too hyper right now. You need to tone down your emotions.” (laughs) We stretch our arms out really, really wide in the intro and do moves we’ve never done before, but it was a really good match for me and I had a lot of fun. I think the dance really captures that idea of following your passions and always pressing forward even when it’s sort of painful. I got to like the song more while practicing the choreography.

You said on Weverse Live that you have a favorite track off this album. Can you tell us which it is?

SOOBIN: It’s “Skipping Stones.” Singer-songwriter HANRORO wrote it, and I’m a big fan of her music. The song she gave us is so characteristic of her sound that it feels like a song she would’ve written for herself. I fell in love with it the very first time I heard it. It was fun getting to record a song of a style I listen to and sing all the time, which made the process laid-back. I like HANRORO’s music and voice, but I think it’s her all-Korean lyrics that are really beautiful. “The water that swallowed the scars will become calm someday / And it will have a wide embrace.” Time heals all wounds and I was so amazed how she managed to tie that in with the idea of skipping stones. It made me respect her even more.

You wrapped up your second world tour a little bit before the album came out. Did you enjoy yourself on tour? It seemed like you had a lot on your mind while trying to enjoy yourself on stage before that.

SOOBIN: I started to feel less nervous doing the world tour. Now I’m not even scared or nervous before a concert—I’m just excited. I think I’m more comfortable with it because I feel relaxed now. I’m still not totally loosened up, obviously (laughs) but I can’t force myself to be comfortable with everything. I’ll probably have to wait a little longer for that.

During the world tour, you also put on performances at major venues like Lollapalooza in Chicago and the MTV Video Music Awards.

SOOBIN: I was nervous for the VMAs for sure but it was still fun because there were a lot of people who have been superstars to me ever since I was young and it was amazing to see people with MOA light sticks even though it was an overseas awards show. It was so fun that I felt like I was dreaming. It was like, Am I even supposed to be here? I was extremely fortunate to be able to meet people like Bebe Rexha who were a major motivator for me. Moments like those feel like rewards for all the hard work I’ve put in and they’re a huge motivation. I’m very thankful and lucky.

It’s like you take that motivation and work hard to pay it forward to MOA.

SOOBIN: It’s even hard for me to grasp, for someone who used to be a fan myself. To me, it even feels like what fans are giving is just “pure love.” I was so amazed that they’re willing to come such a long distance for our concerts and you can see fans giving things to each other just because they all share a common interest. It’s not like the love between friends or between a couple—it’s something completely special that can’t ever be explained. I’ve been a fan before, too, but speaking as a singer, “the existence of fans is just pure love.” It’s amazing how unconditional their love can be.

It’s clear how much you love the fans when you talk to them on Weverse Live about somewhat sensitive subjects in a firm but kind manner.

SOOBIN: This is how I feel: Let’s all be gentle and share the love. That way, I can be closer with them and no one will be crossing any boundaries of what is acceptable. The reason I say that is, I’m trying to make it so that MOA and I can love each other more and without having to hold anything back. Sometimes I can ignore the uncomfortable stuff and just move on, but the reason I brought that up is because I wanted to make sure we don’t make each other feel uncomfortable and there’s no hard feelings. My point was to say, Let’s make sure we all feel comfortable, and let’s look out for one another and have nothing but love for each other. I try to be as gentle as possible when I say these things, of course.

You also referred to the other group members as “companions” last year in the video TXT Share House.

SOOBIN: We all went through a rough patch at one point last year together. I felt our companionship was particularly strong while we practiced for the year-end awards shows. We were having a lot of honest conversations about our innermost feelings. We weren’t in Korea that much at the time, so I think we relied on each other a lot.

I was surprised when I found out you get a bigger room during world tours because other members come see you. I thought you would want to have your own space.

SOOBIN: I’m not really bothered by them coming in. We each have our own rooms, but I’m actually thankful and feel good that they come to my room to talk to me because it makes me feel like they trust me and rely on me. And I get more excited and talkative than they do when they come in. (laughs) I’m happy when they come in and I always hope they do.

What do you tend to talk about in that situation?

SOOBIN: They mostly come to me when they’re facing some kind of difficulty, whether it’s personal or something related to the group, or when they just want to talk. And I’m usually the one who goes to the label as our representative when we want to propose an idea to them. But there were a lot of times on the most recent world tour where they came to me saying they wanted to hear what I had to say. “How are you feeling about the tour? No problems?” Stuff like that. I actually tend to keep any baggage to myself if sharing it isn’t going to solve anything. Sometimes the other members feel hurt by that though. (laughs) But I still usually unload when it’s something that can be solved together, of course. It’s not like I don’t like to talk. (laughs)

When YEONJUN and TAEHYUN were on SUCHWITA, they said that all the members agreed on one big goal for the group. Was it those conversations that led you to be able to agree on that goal?

SOOBIN: I’m not someone with any big goals—I just want to enjoy the small things in life. But we talked a lot last year about our members’ dreams, what makes us happy, and what our goals are. Not all five of us shared the same goals, but we got to talking about how some of us want to make it to the top of our field. So I thought, If that’s what makes you happy, and that’s your goal, then I’ll try my best for it, too—because it’s always been my goal for the other members to be happy. I figured, if that’s what will make them happiest, then I’ll work toward the same goal with them.

Why does the other members being happy make you happy?

SOOBIN: It’s not just them—my family, my friends, the staff … Nothing makes me happier than seeing them all happy. That’s why I hope our fans are happy, too. I think the people I care about being happy makes me really happy and is as important to me as my own happiness. At least for me.

Has your attitude toward work changed as the goals you’re focused on have shifted?

SOOBIN: I’m making a bigger, tangible effort. I feel like I’ve always done my best, right from when we debuted, but now it’s like I’m trying to be even better than my best. (laughs) I’m practicing harder, working harder when shooting—everything. I’ll work harder this year than last, and next year I’ll work even harder still.

But there will always be bumps along the road when working toward your goals. How do you keep yourself moving forward?

SOOBIN: It might not be the case for everyone in this field, but I think this work makes me really happy, way more than it brings me pain. I'm not the type to dwell on something painful for too long in the first place. It's not simple to get this much love and support, and the happiness it brings is too important for me to let go just because things get tough. It brings me so much joy that it's worth sticking with, no matter what I have to go through.

[katvalentinesblog]

May 1st 2024

Hey loves. Well I got another job interview tomorrow. It’s with Home Depot and it’s for cashier so I’m super nervous because I have horrible social anxiety. It’s only part time but it’s $20 an hour and I could really have fun with that money. I could fund my orchiectomy!! Laser hair removal!! Girl clothes and makeup!!! Perfume!!! But still it makes me so nervous. I’m so fat and I hope people don’t be mean to me. Like I’m not super fat but I’m like 32 percent body fat. Idk that’s probably super fat. The thing is I want to lose weight so so so bad but the second I get hungry my self talk completely changes and I allow myself to have a little something which turns into full binge. I’m sabotaging myself at every obstacle and I’ve done it most of my life. Cmon girl change!!! Like being trans is living life on hard mode but doing it tall AND fat it crippling. It’s no life to live. I need to remind myself thin is a chance at living. It’s not worth the eating. Nothing tastes that good. Feeling full is just not worth it. Like when will it fkn stick???? Ok well thanks for reading!!! I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes. I don’t have my interview until 5pm so it gives me the whole day to worry lol.

[antimonyandthyme]

smick, magical realism

He says, “I can’t magically conjure him up a cockpit, if I could he would already have one!”

There is a whisper of a laugh in his ear, and a flash of bright colour in the corner of his eye. Sebastian startles and looks around. It is noisy and busy and the interviewer is already asking her next question. No matter. Life has learned him some patience.

It is a beautiful day, with a beautiful crowd. There’s so much to be excited about. He receives homemade bracelets and hand-drawn postcards and signs every cap in sight. He’s buckled into Kinky Kylie by familiar hands. He relishes in her familiar sound. The feel of a wheel against his gloved hands. He is… proud of what he’s trying to accomplish. And humbled by all of the support.

The splashes of foxgloves lining his way back to the hotel are interesting. He won’t question it, not yet. The wind pushes through them, and Sebastian imagines he can hear the crystal tinkle of bells. He pauses at the sidewalk. This stalk must be at least six feet tall. He has to stand on his tiptoes to inhale.

Such a silly thing to do. Foxgloves have no distinct odour, even though they are very pretty. They are in fact, quite poisonous, and Sebastian certainly shouldn’t be sniffing them like he’s trying to do. Something tells him no harm will befall him. Something in the air feels amused, and it is always to your benefit, if people are amused with you. They tend to be more amenable this way.

Back in the hotel he packs. He’ll catch an early train tomorrow, so there’s no sense in going for a nightcap. Also no sense in delaying the inevitable.

He’s asleep faster than he remembers, and then awake in a place where the sand shifts and fog comes and goes and the backdrop changes from a deep forest to the unending ocean whenever he so much as blinks.

“You’re surprisingly hard to read for someone so transparent.”

“Are you doing that?” Sebastian asks, intrigued. “Changing the scenery to what you think I like?”

Laughter that is amused, thankfully, and not unkind. “I don’t need to think, Sebastian. I said you were transparent.” The fog swirling all around him materializes into a shape and then a form and then—

“That’s not fair,” Sebastian says quietly.

The Mick standing before him looks exactly like Mick, save for his blood red eyes. That beloved face which Sebastian has memorized to perfection curled into an expression Sebastian isn’t familiar with. A god contemplating an ant.

“This is all you,” Fog Mick says. “The scenery, the form I take. You’re anxious, so you’re flickering between places that soothe you. And you love him, so that’s who you see.”

To have it all laid bare before him without so much as an introduction. Not unlike being butterflied under the skilled hands of a chef. “Who are you,” Sebastian says, tries to keep his tone mild, “and what do you want with me?”

Fog Mick laughs. “You really are taking this very well.”

“I am—” Sebastian pauses, thinks. “I am a race car driver.” He’s proven that he still is, after today. “I’m working towards being a sailor, even though I’m not great at it. My friends like to think I’m a bit of a famer, too.” There’s so much to learn, he’s not even halfway there. “Beekeeper, husband, father. Lover.”

Fog Mick’s smile is indulgent, maybe even a little approving.

“I guess, after everything, it’s a little hard to surprise me now, as young as I may seem to you.”

“Flatterer,” Fog Mick crows, absolutely delighted. His nose scrunches up, just like Mick when he laughs. It would be disastrous if Sebastian were to let down his guard like that. “This is what I meant by you being hard to read.”

“So, will you answer the question?”

“You said you would conjure him a seat.”

“Figure of speech,” Sebastian says hastily.

“Oh, but I object,” Fog Mick says. “There was a desire, behind that thought.” The entity licks its—Mick’s, lips. Hold fast, Sebastian warns himself. “Desire so great it called me to you. I suppose you could say I grant wishes.”

“No,” Sebastian says, as unwise as it may be to argue with the Fae. “You conclude contracts. You want something in return.”

“Very good, Sebastian.”

“Well?” Sebastian runs through the possibilities in his head. Flesh? Blood? Lifespan? “What is it you want?”

“What will you give?”

Sebastian shakes his head. His heart trembles at the thought of acquiring something so precious, for someone so beloved. Hold fast. “You don’t play fair.”

There it is, a tinge of cruelness in the laugh now. “Never have done,” Fog Mick says. “Never needed to.”

“You’ll need to with me,” Sebastian says, injecting a false sense of surety into his declaration. It may be his imagination, but Fog Mick wavers like a wisp of smoke for a moment, before turning solid again. “Or I’ll sleep, and wake, and there will be no pact between us when all this is over.”

Something falls past Fog Mick’s lips, a language Sebastian wasn’t meant to hear. The air turns colder, and Sebastian tempers his heartbeat. In this realm, according to the Fae, he controls the surroundings. Fog Mick paces, footsteps uneven, like an adult trying to mimic the tread of a child. Now, Sebastian sees their differences clearly. Now, he gathers strength.

The unyielding, gentle might of the mountains. Sebastian takes them there. Fog Mick startles. A hiss, the entity twisting Mick’s handsome features beyond recognition with a sneer.

“You want something from me, enough to seek me out,” Sebastian says, pressing his advantage. “You want it so badly you came to me. Be honest, or I will speak with you no longer.”

“You seek to protect his youth, I want that shelter,” the Fae says. It no longer sounds amused, but covetous instead. “You seek to nurture him with your care, I want that kindness. You seek to succour him at his lowest, I want that comfort. You seek to love him.”

Sebastian shudders.

“I want that devotion.”

Sebastian braces himself. Images of Mick’s overjoyed face if Sebastian told him a seat would be available soon. But what of their relationship? What would become of them if the Fae were to take everything else they held dear?

“No seat is worth that,” Sebastian says.

“No?” Fog Mick raises an eyebrow. “Not even one for your beloved?”

“I seek to protect him, even though he does not need my coddling. I seek to nurture him, and I see him far grown beyond me. I seek to succour him, and he gives me comfort instead. And I seek to love him—”

The Fae frowns, dissatisfaction breaking its form into mist. Fear and reverence and caution and wisdom. Sebastian has never been so grateful to every experience amounting to this instant.

“And he loves me in return. He does not need your offer. So, I refuse.”

They’re back in the hotel room, and Sebastian is waking. The chiming of bells, signalling an end to something significant. Laughter in his ears, haughty, but still, not unkind.

Even packed, Sebastian manages to be late for his train. He runs with his roller suitcase trailing and bumping behind him. He passes the foxgloves, now wilting, and thinks of what to say to Mick.

“If I told you, I had the opportunity to get you a seat, but turned it down—”

“Then I’d know,” Mick interrupts him, voice strong and sure even through the poor reception, “you’d have done it for a good reason.”

“Alright,” Sebastian says. How much can he feel for one person? It’s unfathomable. “I’ll see you soon.”

[andydrysdalerogers]

Sliding Into Home ~ The Future is West

Pairing: MLB!Frank Adler x Abigail Hernandez (OFC)

Synopsis:

After a trade from Boston to Los Angeles, first baseman Frank Adler would seem to have it all. Money, women, an amazing niece, yes Frank should have it all. Except for one thing. One thing that left after a mistake five years ago. Los Angeles should be the chance to start over. Except she is supposed to be in Boston. Not his new medical director.

* A Frank Adler AU x Major League Baseball Story**

Warning: ANGST (i can't stress this enough), second chances, cheating, eventual smut, slow burn, drug use, abandonment issues, betrayal, domestic violence (i may have missed some), flashbacks

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS. Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated

Previous: It Doesn’t Stay in Vegas

Main Masterlist ~Sliding Into Home Masterlist

“Mary please!” 

“No!” 

“C’mon Nugget, we have to go.”  

“NO! I don’t want to leave.” Sobs echoed through the door of the bathroom. 

Frank groaned and hit his head on the door frame. The decision to move was not taken lightly but it was decided. “Mary, c’mon, please? I know it’ll be tough but it’s a new adventure.”  

The silence now coming from the bathroom is louder than the screaming.  Frank knew he would be lucky if she got in the car let alone leaving on time. He needed to finish packing up before the movers came but Mary refused to let him into the bathroom.  

“Still not letting you in?” Frank turned to see his nanny, Scott, leaning on the hallway, popping his gum.  

“No.” 

“Told ya.”  

“Yeah, I know. I know.” Frank rubbed his temples. “The movers will be here in an hour, I need to finish and then get us to the hotel before our flight tomorrow and she is being just like...” 

“Your sister.”  Scott smiled.  “Let me handle this while you make sure the suitcases are in the car.  I brought some stuff to help us relax after she goes to bed.” Scott squeezed Frank’s shoulder.  “Its gonna be ok.”  

“Thanks Scott.”  Frank turned to leave him to it as he made his way to his bedroom.  Scott Evans had been a godsend since the day he turned up for his interview for the nanny position.  Mary took to him immediately and became a friend to Frank at a time when he had felt so lost.  Bonus points that Scott was a man as well, as a female nanny would have just made the situation worse. Frank was grateful that Scott was ok with relocating his life five years later to stay with him and Mary with their move to Los Angeles.  

Los Angeles. City of Angels, Hollywood, movie stars and his new team, the Dodgers.  

After five successful years with the Red Soxes, Los Angeles offered a monster of a deal. Ten years, $106 million dollars and a change that was needed. Frank talked to Steve, Scott and Andy, his now closest friends, and made the decision to move. He needed a fresh start, a chance to move on after the shit show five years earlier.  

He had heard that Abby had graduated from medical school last year. Well, he watched it from the shadows. He snuck in to watched the girl that he still loved accomplish her dream and graduate with top honors from Harvard University Medical School.  However much Abby’s parents hated Frank for what he had done to their little girl, Frank insisted on paying for her schooling, keeping a promise he had made to her when he was drafted.  He sent the money to her parents, and they made the payments.  

But she had moved on, taking a medical residency outside of Boston for work. He didn’t know where, so he took the time to move when he had the chance.  Maybe he could stop loving her, finally.  Maybe he could find happiness.  

He kept his promise to himself in that no other woman made a permanent place in their hearts. Sure, Frank kept the carnal needs to flings on the road, Friday night fucks away from home, away from Mary.  She didn’t need the instability.  She needed him to be present as she grew up. She was the only girl in his heart.  

Apart from Abby.   

He listened as Scott murmured to Mary, the door creak open and then Mary’s face peak into his room. Frank didn’t turn to face her, letting her get through her thoughts and emotions on her own, letting her decide when to speak. After a moment, she sniffled, and he turned. He watched as one solid tear ran down her cheek before he scooped her into his arms, and she cried. “I don’t want to leave.”  

“I know Nugget. But I got traded and I can’t leave you behind. I love you so much that I would never leave you behind.”  

She sobbed in his neck for a few more moments before he pulled her away. He inspected her blue eyes, eyes that had seen more than their fair share of heartbreak. “Is Scott going?” she asked again, needing to confirm that she was not losing everyone in her life. 

Frank nodded. “Scott is moving with us. We have a big house now near the beach.  There’s a room that has perfect light for my little artist with a balcony so she can set up her telescope and see the stars.”  

Mary sighed and leaned back into him. “Ok,” she whispered.  

“It's gonna be great, Nugget.  You’ll see. I got you into the science school for next year and we have a pool so we can keep up with swimming and you can try out for the team. I promise you; we’ll be great in Los Angeles.  Just you wait.”  

A few hours later saw Mary pass out in bed while Scott brought out the whiskey bottle.  He pours two fingers of the amber liquid and thrusted the tumbler into Frank’s hands.  “Ready to leave Boston?” 

“No.” Frank took a sip.  “I feel like if I leave, I am giving up.”  

“Giving up on what?” 

“Whatever love Abby and I could still have.”  

“She’s not even in Boston anymore.”  She hasn’t been since May the year before. Its August. Fifteen months later and it still hurt him that she was gone 

“I know. I understand it. But all of our memories are here.”  

Fifteen Years Earlier... 

Frank was sitting in chemistry class, doodling before class started. Mike was seated in the back, fucking teacher tried to seat everyone alphabetically but missed counted.  Now Frank sat alone at the front of the class.  The door opened but Frank didn’t acknowledge it.  The next thing he heard was the teacher saying, you can have a seat next to Mr. Alder.  His head snapped up as he saw a beautiful brunette walked towards him.  She had the blackest hair he had ever seen with the most beautiful curls.  As she walked closer, he couldn’t help but acknowledge her curves, but it was her eyes, deep brown with flecks of gold and green, that took him. 

She studied him for a moment.  “Hi. I’m Abby.”  

Frank swallowed.  “Hi, I’m Frank.”  

“Is this seat taken?”  She looked at his books spread out across the desk.  

“Shit, sorry.”  He gathered his stuff and stacked them in front of him.  She giggled as she sat. Once the teacher reviewed the syllabus for the semester of chemistry, she set a simple worksheet for each set of lab partners.  “So, I don’t think I’ve seen you in my classes before.”  

“Oh, probably not.”  She tucked a ringlet behind her ear.  “I’m a freshman but I tested out of freshman and sophomore science.”  

“Explains it. So you’re fourteen?” 

“Just turned.” She kept her gaze down.  

Frank studied her, noting the shyness in her face. “You look scared.”  

“Upper classmen intimidated me a little.” She finally looked up at him. He could tell that she wasn’t comfortable with her intelligence just yet. She was shy, lost in the whirlwind of being set up in an advanced class.  

“Well, stick with me and I’m make sure no one messes with you.”  

“Why wouldn’t anyone bother you?” 

“Because when you are a star athlete, no one messes with you.” Frank had just turned sixteen. A junior but the star first baseman for the school’s baseball team. He explained as much to her. “Friends with me and you’ll be going places.”  

“You know, you’re a little cocky for being sixteen.”  

“Have to be if I want to play professionally. So friends?” He stuck out his hand. 

She took it with a beautiful smile. “Friends.”  

Present... 

As Frank, Mary and Scott made their way to LA, Frank couldn’t help but reflect on the memory.  How stupid had he been to friend-zone himself that quickly. But, she had been a scared freshman, and chemistry was not the only upper-level class she been put in.  She also had Trigonometry and English 3 as well, and Frank happened to be in all of those classes as well.  

He had learned a lot about Abby.  She had come from a big family of immigrants. She would be the first to go to college, her aspirations to be a doctor.  

She made it, he thought as he studied the clouds in the sky. He did as well. He spent eight years with the Red Sox, the team he had cheered for as a boy. Moving away would be hard but a necessary change. He wanted to get away from all the bad memories he had there.  Between his fuck ups with Abby and the shit show his sister and mother had put him through over Mary, being in Los Angeles made the most sense.  

After landing, Frank found the car that the team sent to pick them up from the airport and take them to their new home. Frank had purchased new furniture so they wouldn’t have to ship all of their stuff from their old home.  He had kept the home in Boston for when they visited friends for breaks and holidays. Christmas in Boston would still be a must and he wanted to make sure that those traditions would be kept on track.  

The home was in Pacific Palisades, roughly an hour from the stadium but Frank wanted to have space away from the downtown area.  The ocean views and gated community made the decision but what sold Frank was the space Mary would have to be herself.  Her school was just a few minutes away, making it easy for Scott.  No, it wasn’t Boston, but they could make it a home.  

The next couple of days were filled with getting used to the area, finding their local grocery shops, restaurants, coffee shops and such, with the arrival of their things from the moving company.  It was mostly boxes of their things, clothes, Frank’s beloved 1968 Camero, but one thing that was most important.  It was the solid wood rocking chair from Mary’s room.  Frank couldn’t bare to part with it. He bought it to rock a six-month-old Mary to sleep, read her stories when she was older, hold her as she dealt with her emotions. It was the only heirloom they had. He immediately set it up in her room, placing her beloved penguin, Max, on it.  

On their fifth night in Los Angeles, Frank reminded Scott and Mary that he had a meeting with the team president, medical director and legal team, along with Andy and Steve, to sign his contract and fulfill his physical to start the season.  

“Why do they make you take a physical?” Mary asked, shoving a fry into her mouth.  

“To make sure I am healthy and in tip top shape,” Frank replied. “I should probably tell them I have a bad back from loading up your telescope into the truck. Thing weighs a ton.”  

“You bought it for me so that’s your own fault,” she sasses back, making Scott snort. “You should have made Scott carry it if you are too... delicate.”  

If Mary got anything from Frank, it was her ability to sass.  Frank was a smartass, from diapers according to his mother. Frank rolled his eyes as Scott roared with laughter. “Shut up,” he groaned. “On another subject, since we have to head into the city, do you know what is near the stadium?” 

“Parking lots?” 

“Seriously, stop,” he grumbled.  “No, we are close to that Funko store.”  

Mary’s eyes lit up. “Really?  Can we go?” 

Scott laughed, “I don’t know, you’ve been sassing him pretty hard there Nug.”  

“Please? Pretty please?” Mary used her one weapon at him: those damm blue eyes.  

“Fine, I guess,” Frank said with a sigh, hiding his smile. It was always his intention to take her. “Scott is going to take you to get breakfast and then a haircut while I am in my meeting and then we will go.”  

“Thank you, Frank!” She ran over to hug her uncle.  

“Welcome Nugget. Now finish up, you can read for an hour before bed.”  

The next morning, Frank was looking at a Los Angeles icon, Dodger Stadium.  It was his new home, his new team and hopefully his new life.  He asked a security guard where to go and was met at the door by an assistant.  She was a shameless flirt, commenting on Frank’s forearms and his tattoos, cooing about how good of a player he is.  There was zero chance of Frank being interested.  His Friday Night adventures were reserved for road trips only. His one-night stands worked out just fine, in his opinion.  

As he was guided into the conference room, Frank was met with the president of operations, Nick Stanton. “Mr. Stanton.” 

“Frank! Good to see you again.” He shakes hands with Frank. “We’re waiting for everyone so can I offer you a drink?” He gestures to Frank to sit at the table. 

“Just a cola, thanks.” Frank took the seat next to the head of the table.  

“How was the move?” 

“Smoother than I thought it would be. Mary, my niece, threw a couple of tantrums but between me and my nanny, we managed to get her here.”  

“Nanny?” 

“Oh yeah, Scott, he’s great. He was willing to move with us, which is great since Mary seems to only listen to him.” Frank chuckles. “Who would listen to your uncle/pseudo father?” 

“I remember that story,” Nick replies. “You are brave to take on a baby right after bring drafted.”  

Frank shrugged. “Its not that big of a deal. You would do anything for family, especially Mary.”  

More voices float towards the conference room and Frank stands as he sees his agent and lawyer walk in and shake his hand. Then the general manager for the Dodgers comes in, making small talk with Frank.  

“Ok, I think we are just missing the team doctor and our legal team,” Nick tells everyone. “Its not Natasha, she’s busy with another client.  She’s sending in their new associate.”  

Frank just nods as the GM goes over the training schedule and when he would meet the team.  The conference room door opens and another couple enters the room.  Frank turns to see and his stomach drops. He feels himself become clammy and pale. Because this shouldn’t be happening.  

He’s not supposed to be here.  

Fuck.  

He looks at the brunette that walked in with him.  

And she’s definitely not supposed to be here.  

What the FUCK! 

Abby Hernandez walked into the room.  

Holding Mike Weiss’s hand.  

Next

Taglist: @patzammit @firephotogrl74 @texmexdarling @slutforchrisjamalevans @jennmurawski13-writes @tinkerbelle67 @before-we-get-started @bunnyforhim

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Little Talks

Here is the next fic in my old maniel gets it series or read it below

The recording equipment is just finished being set up when Louis speaks.  “Let's talk about Armand.”

They’re in the living room and Louis is wearing his trademark all black ensemble, his voice that emotionless tone Daniel has gotten used to.  There’s no clues in his expression what he could mean.

“What about him?” Daniel says, trying to keep his cool.  He tries not to think of anything at all.

“He tells me he's invited you to stay longer.”

Daniel had hoped to bring that up himself.  He forces a tone of nonchalance.  “There are a few details to hammer out for the story.”

“Daniel.”  His voice is flat, but his expression is knowing.

“You know,” Daniel says.  No point beating around the bush.  At least he’s had a good run.

“Armand and I don't keep secrets.”  

“So what now? I go missing and they never find the body?”

Louis’ head tilts slightly and he observes Daniel for a moment.  “You thought I didn't know.  Bold of you to carry on with him.  You must be quite taken with Armand.”

“This the part where you tell me to back off?”  Something about his calmness puts Daniel’s fears a little more at ease.  He knows what Louis sounds like before he attacks; this isn’t it.

“This is the part I ask your intentions.”

Daniel snorts.  “My intentions.  What is this, the shovel talk?”

“Nothing so crude.”

Daniel thinks about telling Armand he wants to be more than a side piece.  What does he even want, beyond that?  What does that even mean?  He just knows he wants to matter.  “I don't know. Ask him his intentions.  I'm just along for the ride.”

“But what do you want?”

Daniel sighs.  “He put you up to this?”

“You're avoiding the question.”

Daniel pulls off his glasses and leans back in the chair.  Fuck, he’s tired.  “I'd say it's none of your business, but he's your...whatever you two are.”

Louis eyes him for a few seconds.  “You care for him.  More than you'd like to admit.”

“Stay out of my head.”  He’s getting sick of having to say that.

“He cares for you as well.  More than you know.”

Something about that niggles at Daniel’s memory.  Hasn’t Armand acted overly familiar with him?  Is there something going on he doesn’t know?  Maybe it has to do with that night in San Francisco.   “About that–I can’t remember the night we met. Did something happen between us that night I don’t remember?  He catch some unrequited crush he’s just now getting to work out?”

Louis smiles slightly.  “Unrequited?  No.  You should ask him about it, Daniel.”

“Because he’s so fond of giving answers,” Daniel says sarcastically.  What does Louis mean by not unrequited?  Maybe they hooked up back in the seventies.  Daniel certainly would have been willing back then, with either of them.  But why doesn’t he remember?  Was he really that high that he’d forget Armand?  Armand, who has been the best lay of his life so far.  How could he forget that?

“He’s afraid of losing you,” Louis says simply.  

“What does that mean?” Daniel says.  Didn’t he and Armand just make up from fighting?  What is he afraid of?

“You should ask him,” Louis says.  He goes still and eyes Daniel for a few seconds.  “Take the day to talk to him.  We’ll continue the interview tomorrow.  If you still wish to continue.”

If he still wishes to continue.  What the hell does Louis think Armand is going to say to him? There’s only one way to find out.  “Yeah, I’ll uh, I’ll talk to him.”

Daniel stands.  Louis looks up at him.  “Try to remember, Daniel, that he does care for you.  Even if his ways of showing it are unorthodox.”

“Right,” Daniel says, worry beginning to settle in his gut.  It feels like he’s on the precipice of something, he just can’t figure out what.  

By the time he packs up his things and heads back to his room, his nerves have his stomach in knots.  Whatever happens, things will be fine.  What could he possibly not know that would change how he feels?  

He closes his eyes and settles back on the bed.  He reaches to Armand with his mind, trusting him to hear.

“Come to my room.  We need to talk.”

[angelbluediary]

Lots to say about the new job; overall I like it and feel myself starting to fit in but I am in so much pain right now it overrides everything else. Three days of being on my feet all day in shoes without support and I feel embarrassingly broken. I felt it setting in yesterday, woke up feeling fine today. 8 hours after arriving, I was practically hobbling out the door. I sat down for maybe 10, 15 minutes tops today. All day. Just like I didn’t have a proper orientation, nobody has talked to me about taking breaks and even if I try to appoint myself one, I’m basically in the general manager’s office with him and everyone else walking in and out and in and out and in and out bearing down right on top of me in that one chair at the office entrance, which usually has other people’s shit in it anyway.

It’s crazy.

I’ve used my mom’s foot massage device and gave myself a really good one with plenty of lotion, retired to bed as soon as I could. Found blood between my toes from a blister that formed and burst in the same day, but my heels and soles are what really are killing me. I don’t think my feet have ever hurt so badly.

Well, I learned my lesson. Luckily I’m off tomorrow, and I refuse to go out anywhere, but I’m back to work Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. Not enough time for an Amazon package with shoes I find on any “most comfortable flight attendant shoes” list and hope to god make a difference. I feel like I need two weeks to recover from this, dear god I hope the pain goes away overnight.

General manager had a jerky and dismissive reaction to me enthusiastically saying I felt good about my job. I was literally like “I know it’s still early on and I’ve got a lot to learn but already I feel myself catching on and things are making sense to me, I feel really good about being here.” And his response was “I mean yeah, if I’d had three days back to back at front desk… it’s pretty easy work.” What the actual fuck? They THREW me into this instantly and I just had to swim for dear life with a positive attitude so why does he get to talk down to me like that! The fuck! The other desk attendant, who’s been there about a month now, said that he had an actual orientation and just shadowed everyone for the first week or so. I was answering phones and checking people in before I’d even been given a chance to look through my goddamn mess of an orientation packet (that is filled with contradicting messages and systems/features used at different establishments).

Don’t even get me started on the dress code run around. So disorganized, so much misinformation or half-information or only scraps of information at a time. Just tell me what to expect from the beginning! Why tell me I’ll have a uniform during my interview when that’s a lie? Why wait until I show up in street clothes on my first day to tell me what I need to get? Why wait until I drop my first day’s paycheck on the clothes you JUST told me I needed if you were changing the “vision” of what the front desk attendants are going to wear, rendering my purchases useless!

So fuck it, I’m going to buy FUNCTIONAL shoes that will go with dress pants and blouses and nobody can tell me not to wear them. Not anytime soon at least. That’s where I draw the line because I am NOT fucking up my body for a job that doesn’t care if I run myself into a hospital bed.

And I’ve been on my feet all day for a job before! In nearly decade-old vans with no sole support. Almost never being able to slide into a chair. But this? This is on a WHOLE other level.

[temple-of-truth]

Temple of Truth Episode 4#2 (492, but all undesirable numbers are ohm-itted) Transcript

Saturday, June 23rd, 2063

Hello, Truthers of Night City! Thanks for tuning into Temple of Truth, whether it’s your first time or the last time. Today’s episode is a big one, but before we dive into that, let’s get through the weekly report.

In case some of you all haven’t been outside, it’s been extra hot this week with the start of summer. The moon’s in waning crescent, and the highest Zodiac constellation is now Cancer, if we could see it. Residents of Heywood have been complaining about blown fuses up and down the streets—which of course we’re supposed to believe is just the heat. And, finally, today’s Truest Truther is Kathy from Rancho Coronado, who called in last week with some truly brilliant observations about her neighbors’ new satellite dishes. We thank you for your viewership and vigilance, Kathy, and we hope your son’s baseball game goes well.

Now, onto the big news. The huge news. This was so exciting that I almost did a special episode yesterday, but I figured it would be better to plan things out. Oh, I don’t even know how to start with this. My brother Ohm and I—if you don’t know who Ohm is, she’s really the brains behind the whole show. I’d never be able to get all this gear set up without her. Anyway, Ohm and I were out doing some investigative work. It wasn’t for our core mission, but we had met some cool new friends, and anyway, all truth is the truth, as we always say. I’ll keep the details to myself for the sake of a few people’s privacy, but Ohm and I ran into a real, actual, confirmed agent of the Sisters. It was… it was life-changing. To be there in his presence, I mean, I could feel his power and benevolence washing over me.

We knew he was alien from the moment we met him, and we had a good sense about him. But our suspicions were confirmed when he started talking about how he used to travel through space but had been staying on Earth for a while. I mean, this is exactly the kind of trajectory that we thought these agents of the Sisters would have. He was speaking to us in coded, indirect language: he told us he wasn’t an alien because it was clear that, for whatever reason, he had to keep his identity a secret. Ohm and I picked up on this, so we stayed extremely subtle and clandestine. No one suspected a thing, which is what the agent likely wanted.

He also mentioned an organization called the “Green Thumbs” which runs community gardens. Since yesterday, I’ve done some research into them. On the surface, they’re a community group that uses the few fertile spaces around the city to grow vegetables to improve nutrition. But if you look closer like I did and start to connect the dots on the map, the locations of the gardens form a flower-like shape—just like the Pleiades. Ohm and I need to do more research and testing to figure out whether this is only a symbolic choice on the part of these Green Thumbs or if it has a functional purpose, maybe for communication or even transport. As always, if any of you listeners have any tips or theories, we’d love to have you call in during Truth Time on our show tomorrow. I’ll also be sending out copies of the marked-up maps of the Green Thumbs gardens through our various channels.

Another major revelation from this agent of the Sisters is that the Trauma Team is good. The agent said that he appreciates what they do. We’ve been looking into the Trauma Team for quite a while, and as many of you know, the Trauma Team being good appears like it would disprove many of our theories. But this is actually a hugely helpful piece of information because we’re now closer to the Truth. Every step, even backwards ones, is a step in the true direction.

And finally, a bit of a teaser for our next news episode: earlier this week, Ohm and I met a real vampire. We’re working with her to come on the show for an interview. That was actually our original plan for this episode, but obviously the encounter with the agent was urgent news.

Alright, that’ll wrap it up for this episode. It’s a bit of a short one because Ohm and I have got to head off to an event tonight. But I hope it was an exciting one for all you Truthers out there listening. It’s hard to describe how important meeting a real agent of the Sisters is to getting closer to the Truth, but I’m sure all of you listeners understand.

Thank you for tuning into the Temple of Truth. If you want to be the Truest Truther for the next episode, make sure to either call in tomorrow or send your theories through our virtual channels. Good night, and remember to keep your ears open and your eyes on the stars.

[loveforalexzverev]

🎤 Pre-tournament interview with Alexander before the Canada Masters:

Interviewer: Let's talk a bit about the last few months, and, obviously, it's been more than a year now since you had this horrific injury. How long did it take you to get back to where you were before? [Do] you feel like you are there?

Alexander: Yeah, I'm there when I'm pain-free. I feel like, with the injury that I had, there's always, like, kind of, setbacks, in a way. I felt like I was extremely good during the French Open, and then the week after, and then during Wimbledon, I, again, kind of, had setbacks, in a way. Then, now, I feel very good, I mean, in Hamburg, I felt very good.

But, you know, the periods of times where I feel amazing, they get longer, and the periods of times where I don't feel so good, they get shorter and shorter, so that's a positive to, kind of, look forward to, because, in my opinion, you know, I'm moving quite well again, I'm probably at the same speed that I was. But I have to be pain-free to be able to do all those things, so… yeah, it kind of goes day by day, but most of the days now, it's great (smiles).

Interviewer: But you are not pain-free?

Alexander: I am right now, but that could change tomorrow, after tomorrow, you know, and then that can change again, you know, three days later, so it's always like a here-and-there, kind of, situation because, at the end of the day, yes, I had this horrific injury, and the initial injury's, kind of, healed, but because the foot is so weak, and because the foot is not used to the loads that it had before, it still needs time to adjust. You know, I'm still, you know, 88kg, I'm still 2m tall, and I still move in a way where I use my foot in extreme positions; I slide a lot, I go into stretches and all that, so… yeah, you need to be 100% sure of it.

Interviewer: But I mean, you had to literally learn how to walk again.

Alexander: In a way, yeah.

Interviewer: Was this quite a defining experience in your career, do you think?

Alexander: I think it makes you value the things that you have. You know, if you're injury-free and if you're pain-free, but your forehand is not working well, or your backhand is not working well, you focus on those things so much, but you stop appreciating that you're actually healthy, you stop appreciating that you're actually able to play every single day, and I think, yeah, that's the most important thing for every athlete.

Interviewer: And now you're coming back to Canada, I mean, this place has obviously meant a lot since that 2017 final. Was that, or is that, still one of your best memories of your career?

Alexander: Yeah, I think especially here in Canada, I haven't been back to Canada since 2019, I haven't been back here in Toronto since 2018 for different reasons. But for sure, I mean, beating Federer in a Masters final, especially at a very young age, it was very special for me. But, you know, I'm still, you know, 26 years old, and I hope I can still create some great memories.

Interviewer: You were 20 when you won that title. What was life on the tour like back then?

Alexander: Well, very new, very fresh (smiles). But I feel like I have more experience now, I feel like I've learned a lot of things as well, so definitely, a few years, you know, on top of me, help me develop, in a way.

❤️ Such a lovely and moving pre-tournament interview with Alexander. It makes me sad hearing how he still suffers with recurrent ankle pain every now and then, but I suppose it is to be expected with the level of trauma he suffered from the injury 😔 On a more positive note, I am glad he has longer periods of feeling well than not, and I am happy that he is looking forward to playing in Canada again 🥰

Hopefully he can carry the positivity and incredible form we saw from him in Hamburg. Let's go, Alexander 🔥

[bleachposting]

!!! woo !!!! tomorrow i’ll be interviewing for something that could lead to a major life change. i’ve never been more organised in my life re. packing i even bought spare contacts which one i was wearing broke today!! (packing makes me really think i have undiagnosed adhd more than anything else) i hope it goes well but even if it doesn’t at least i get to visit another city, drive on the open road for the first time in a year singing to the most bumping playlist, i get to visit friends who i haven’t seen in ages, go to my fave bookstore and get a new bookie, sit in the gardens or a cafe and prepare. i bought new shirts for this that even if i they fail me on this round, they will help cultivate the baddest most sophisticated music journo energy and they’re also locally made so a good investment! i brought my pillow and teddy bear to emulate sleeping at home. and we played catan so im feeling all g and sleepy. also my tumblr queue is popping !!! please wish me luck and kisses !!! everyone has been saying i’ll do great but honestly my friend was tryna roleplay it with me today and i was like frickkkkkk but i do have faith in myself. if u have something big coming up too, near or far, i know you can do it!!!! weow !!!!! go get it eveyrone !!!!

[deuce-duce]

BORN IN BABYLON

For I’m Not Done Yet a...lot has happened since the last time we spoke but I wanted to reassure you I’m still alive and well amidst the the death threats that I receive on a daily basis. HA! Some times I wonder if its all really worth it and then I think hmmm you know what, I think it is... look at how many millions of dollars just grossed from the Netflix series Dahmer. Where does that money go to....? DAHMER??!! I really hope not, I hope the money goes to the families of his victims. I don’t know about you but I couldn’t watch the series because of how true it rings in my own life, but if I knew the money was going to go to the victims families... I just might stomach it. All I’m saying is a man who conned the entire world into persecuting his brother, is a story I believe deserves to be told, and if not from the person who lived through it all then WHO?! 33 is Free for Amazon Unlimited go Check that Shit Out 3.33 to purchase (harmless promo there HA!) 

I wouldn’t really care about promoting my book, if I could find a job to pay my bills but it seems overly coincidental that nobody even responds... I think in the last year I have had three interviews all of which I never hear anything back from... even though they say I’m going to be called about a second interview... (nope) People will have me come in for interviews, just to make fun of me and waste my time... oh well maybe one day.

It seems like the more I do these days the more they talk and I think I should give you a couple updates. currently I’m working on book 2 of 3. I tried fitting everything into one book but it just wouldn’t be possible. Book 2 is in the final stages and has been changed multiple times by some else’s hands... (elaborate at another time. I’m hoping to get it published soon but I’m not from Russia, so I wont be Russian! This project has presented a lot of different problems/challenges which have only encouraged my growth. When I see my growth as a writer I’m impressed with how much has changed/improved since my first Tumblr scribble... HA! I don’t know how many of you have gotten a pirated copy of 33 but I would be fool to believe that there aren't any out there (I hope you enjoy). In my brief description I said I would have book II completed by 11/11/22 but it didn’t feel right rushing through to meet a deadline. On multiple avenues I was being told to slow down (Slow Down Nahko and Medicine for the People) played over and over. Then I was watching an Eminem interview on YouTube shorts and they asked him if he could have done anything differently what would it be?! He said he should have slowed... down... and at that point I knew it was time to turn out some quality and take my time like The Dirty Heads on Midnight Control (FIRE)!! After I slowed down and stopped rushing to meet my deadline Slow Down stopped playing. So It will be out when its ready “Ask Me Will I Stop?!” MIND BLOCK (Stick Figure Feat. Eric Rachmany) 

Now today of all days, but... it may have been tomorrow or maybe even yesterday that I made a commitment to the creator to abstain from my vices and change my ways. It’s been 2 years and I cant believe how much has changed since that cold dark day on quarantine in the basement of a homeless shelter. I remember the date because it was right after I watched the live performance by Tribal Seeds on YouTube (Live: The 2020 Sessions). I’m beyond grateful for the changes I have made and have never been happier! I will elaborate more on this in Book III but it really was a turning point in my life. Thank you to those who read for I Get the Feeling that there’s More Like Me... 🎶🎵🎼

LOVE & PEACE

PS. I did create a Instagram Check it out @officially_deuce_duce, some interesting shits on there... take care of yourselves... Until next time!

[hotchley]

🐨 Hello hello! Hope you’re doing absolutely wonderful, my favorite Internet sister. Granted, also my only Internet sister, but that just makes you all the more special.

I’m hanging out here, doing the school stuff. I somehow have an A in Calculus, which amazes me, so I’m very happy with that. Got a test tomorrow, but my friend and I meet up during the hour before since we’ve both got a free period and I bring us both Starbucks and we review together. It’s a great little tradition. Also hella amusing to anyone else in the room, since we’ve been doing math together since we were literally 11 (me) and 12 (her), and the chaos only increases with time.

My journalism class is great fun! I get to run around with one of those spiral reporter’s notebooks interviewing people. People tell me interesting gossip and say “off the record”. It’s awesome. Totally feels like something out of a TV show.

I got a new book yesterday! And the day before that. The book with the lovely dedication I was telling you about the other day is A Lesson In Vengeance. It’s a dark academia type thing with witches and lesbians. I’m not finished yet, but so far it’s cool! I got a books called Icebreaker, which was a rivals-to-lovers YA novel with a bunch of queer rep and mental health discussion. I listened to part of it on the way to Montana for that karate trip, but I’m horrible about audiobooks so I ended up getting myself a print copy and finished it in a day. And now I’m working on The Winners by Fredrik Backman. It’s the third book in a trilogy called Beartown. He’s one of my favorite authors. His style is so distinctive and lyrical and beautiful. Everything ties back to central themes in the most satisfying, poetic way. Highly recommend. The subject matters get a bit dark though, so be careful if you ever end up reading. And he’s Swedish! The books get translated into English before they’re released in English-speaking countries. I don’t know who translates them, but the fact that they’re still so amazing in another language is so cool to me.

I’ve been enjoying having my driver’s license! Most kids here get theirs when they’re 16, and I was nearly 17 and a half, so I took a long time. But Im starting to get more comfortable driving. It’s fun to just drive by myself and listen to my music and jam. And the freedom is nice. I’ve been getting a lot of coffee.

Still working on poetry, too. I haven’t written a ton of new stuff lately and I need to get on that. But I’ve been plugging away trying to get published in various literature magazines. I’ve been accepted once, but rejected like twenty times and am waiting on a bunch of other decisions. Which is just the life of a writer, from what I understand. It’s cool how the community is so supportive of each other. One of my best friends and I both got accepted for the first time within a month of each other, which was really cool. She does flash fiction and I do poetry and the occasional short fiction.

That’s all the updates I’ve got! I hope you’re doing well. Even when I forget to send you messages, I still keep track of your blog. I’m glad to see that stuff with Uni is mostly going well. I hope you get on well with your classmates and flatmates. Living away from home could be kind of cool, too. Like an adventure! I have this quote from a book on my wall that goes “Stars shine brightest in the dark, so take this opportunity and supernova the shit out of it”. That makes me think of you. All this change is terrifying, but you’re gonna do great things. Seize the day!Supernova the shit out of it!

Hehe I'm your only one :))

That is amazing! I don't know what calculus is but it sounds hard so well done! Awww, that's nice!! There's a Starbucks in my student union so I got one yesterday and then I sat in the law library which is ancient and I felt very cool :)

Do you guys have a specific order that you stick to?

Ooooh that is fun and those books seem really interesting! I just started reading A Good Girl's Guide to Murder and it feels quite funny reading it because I'm now a law student. And there are British Indian characters so they touch on racism and I feel seen!

SIXTEEN? I'm eighteen (oh wow) and I haven't even sat in the driver's seat beyond this one time I accidentally turned the hazard light on when I was hoovering it but I then couldn't work out how to turn it off so my dad had to take over haha.

I'm so glad you're enjoying poetry. I was also having a block and then I was walking home in the dark so that understandably caused some inspiration to hit.

I'm actually okay! The work is an excellent distraction from the distance haha. And I'll hold onto that <3

Also journalism class sounds like so much fun I'm glad it's going good!!

[sharkieboi]

.

[blogevaawrites]

Keeping to the schedule.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, sad, marriage, divorce, smut

Summary: After seven years of being married, two daughters and a difficult divorce, they try to understand what went wrong and why they let that happen. 

Part I

“I’m so sorry to do this but we’re having problems with a few scenes. I won’t be at home until next week.” He said from the other side of the line. Since the divorce we have been being very strict with the custody agreement of our children.

“So, will you come to pick them up the next Friday?” I asked.

“Yes, I will be there. And again, I’m really sorry, I tried to do everything in my hands” I knew that he doesn’t like to change anything about the kids, he says we should try to give them as much stability as we can. I couldn’t agree more.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” I simply said.

We got married seven years ago, we had a happy marriage, but loneliness and exhaustion made me give up on our marriage. He started to spend more time away, accepting more projects in L.A or any part of the world but home. I guess home wasn’t what it used to be for him and for me because eventually I stopped complaining about his absence.

“I need to talk to you.” I said when I saw him getting out of the shower. I closed the door of the bathroom and l leaned on the sink. “About what? I’m kind of tired, can we leave it for tomorrow?” He said, drying himself with a towel. I was sick of it; I was being left to a side for so long that I didn’t hold it on.  “Not really.” He looked at me then, normally I don’t insist. “I filed for divorce.” His face went from confusion to anger quickly.

We fought, he got really mad. I knew I should have talk to him before doing it, but he was never around, I was mad and sad, I wasn’t thinking properly. He didn’t talk to me for four months after that night, he moved to his mother’s house and did everything in his hands to accelerate the process. I know I didn’t deal very well with all of that and either he did. Our relationship since then got even more complicate.

Our obsession with our kids’ stability grew after that. We both knew they were going suffer the most, at least Anna. She was almost six when all of that happened, she asked a few times, but we never gave her an answer she could understand. Emma was only four, she noticed that something was wrong but was too young to assimilate it.  

“Mom, Lindsay is having a sleepover this Thursday, and we don’t have school on Friday, can I go? Her mom will call you tomorrow to ask you, can I go, please?” Anna asked, taking my attention from the road as I drove us to home.

“Sure honey” I said with my eyes on the road.

“Dad is coming on Friday, right? I will tell her mom to bring me back in the morning” she always gets excited to see him, both do it.

“It’s not necessary honey, he probably will come to pick you up after dinner. I will pick you up to get lunch together at the park, what do you think?” she nodded enthusiastic, eating her sandwich.

Thursday comes quickly and Martha, Lindsay’s mom, picked Anna up. Emma got to sleep very early after a long afternoon at the park. I went down to watch a few minutes a TV show before to go to bed. The doorbell rang, startling me, it wasn’t late, but I wasn’t expecting anybody. When I got close to the door, I recognized the silhouette of the person behind the door.

“Hi, what are you doing here?”

“I wrapped the film early, I’m sorry if it is too late but I knew you wouldn’t mind. You can have the entire day to yourself tomorrow, in this way.”

“It’s fine, but Anna is not here, she’s at Lindsay’s house and Emma is already sleeping.” He looked devastated and it broke my heart. He usually doesn’t spent too long without seeing them. “You can see Emma if you want to.” I offered and he accepted quickly. He got into the house and went upstairs to Emma’s room.

After a few minutes, he came down to the kitchen where I was preparing things for tomorrow. I wouldn’t say our relationship was good, o was getting better. it was confusing. “How have you been? How was everything with the kids?” he asked from the doorframe. I turned around to see him and answered, “It was fine, no incidents.” I simply said. We looked each other for a while, we haven’t talk since we had sex the last time, he came to bring the girls back. He stayed for dinner and a while after, the girls went to sleep, we started to talk about them, about our past together, about us a couple. We kissed and one thing took us to another.

“I want to talk about the last time. I don’t want you to think I…” he started; I knew it didn’t mean anything for him, it was just sex, he has been avoiding me since then but him bringing the subject up made me mad and it hurt me a little.

“I know! Don’t worry! Let’s just forget about it.” I said walking to the front door.

“No, it’s just that we were kind of drunk and got emotional.” He started to say without following me.

“It was just sex. I get it! You made it very clear when you couldn’t wait to leave.” As soon as we were done, he got up from the bed and started to dress up. He told me it was late, and he had a thing to do in the morning, but I knew he was lying. He left me, naked in the bed, the one we shared for several years.  

“I didn’t want the girls to get confused.” He got closer to the door, shaking his head, and rubbing his face roughly with his hands.

“You didn’t want me to get confused.” His eyes got bigger, and I could see the anger growing in his face.

“You couldn’t care less about what I wanted so don’t tell me what my intentions were.”

“You made them very clear.”

He looked confused, but he moved quickly. “You always so understanding. But why don’t you just listen to me? I’m trying to …” He couldn’t say anything more.

“You’re right, it’s kind of late and there isn’t a reason for you to stay.” I interrupted him, he looked mad.

He took a deep breath and kept on “I’m picking the kids tomorrow’s morning” he informed me before walking out.

“They won’t be here until late afternoon.” I said back. He looked at me without saying anything and kept on his walking. I stood at the door, looking how he got in the car. He turned on the engine, and before driving away he looked at me through the window. “Thank God we’re divorced.”

When the topic isn’t our kids, it never goes well. I guess we’re still hurt.

I didn’t fully understand why he got so angry until I saw the pictures.

After he picked the girls the next day, I did some work and later I filled a glass with wine and turned on the television to pick up a film to watch but my phone rang.

“Hey hon! How are you doing?” Lily asked, with a worried voice that I didn’t get.

“Hey! Why are you asking like that? I’m pretty fine.” I said laughing.

“Well! I don’t know, I thought you will be kind of sad o maybe angry, if my ex-husband was dating with somebody after not even a year from our divorce, I would be ready to kill him.”

“What? What are you talking about? I mean he hadn’t told me anything, I don’t think he’s dating again.” I said quite confused.

“Shit! You haven’t seen it, have you?”

Right away, I googled him with the call waiting.

Chris Evans is off market again? The former superhero and the upcoming actress Rachel Welles spotted holding hands and getting affectionate.

He was trying to talk about our night together because he was going to tell me about her. I felt my heart shrinking. I guess I should have been ready for this, he was free to be with whoever he wanted but it hurt me.

“I’m sorry, girl. It must be weird and hurtful. If you need anything you know I’m right here, right?” she asked kindly.

“I’m fine. he’s free to be with anybody but I guess I wasn’t as much ready to see it as I thought.”

“Yeah, knowing something isn’t always mean assimilating it, right?”

“Right”

After the call I refilled my glass and went to sleep with a few tears in my cheeks.

Our relationship began so natural, and it went so fast. We met through common friends, we dated just for tree moths after he asked me to move on with him. We didn’t take long to get married either, we both just knew that it was the right decision. I really loved him, and I know he loved me too. It wasn’t a fantasy, but we were grown-ups when he met, we knew what we wanted for life, in a partner and we found it in each other.

He was a great husband, a great father and a great friend. I single tear fell through my cheek, remembering the beginning of our freefall.

“There’s not a good way to say this. I’m really sorry to tell this but, Mrs. Evans you had a miscarriage.” Doctor Lars said. I felt Chris’s hand in my knee, comforting me. I felt I couldn’t breathe. My heart broke in pieces. “But I’m six months pregnant, this usually happens during the first trimester. This can’t be true.” My mouth slurred. “Well, the actual name is a late-miscarriage, there are several things that may play a part in causing it so we need to do a few tests to find a cause. I know this isn’t easy, but these things can happen, and we can’t do anything to prevent it.” I touched my barely swollen belly, missing the movements of my baby. “What are we doing now?” Chris talked, taking care of the situation. “You will need to go through labour to give birth to you baby. I know this can be a very distressing time and you may be in shock but there’s not other way.” I could hear him breathe hardly before kissing my head.

We went through our worst nightmare. I gave birth to a baby I could take care of. Thankfully, after inducing the labour, the birth came quickly. We decided not to hold the baby. We thought it will be less traumatic in that way.

He went with me through all of that, but we changed. Everything changed.

Five days later, I came into our bedroom to see him packing his suitcase.

“What are you doing? I asked softly.

“I need to go to L.A for a few interviews and shoot a few scenes” I looked at him straightly. Not quite believing he was going to leave so early after everything. “Don’t worry, I asked my mother to come to help you with everything.” he said, seeing my expression. I didn’t want to be alone, I didn’t want his mom here, I wanted him. I caressed his back, calling his attention.

“Don’t go, please.” I muttered. “It will be just a couple days, two weeks max.” he said holding me in his arms.

“Two weeks?” that was so fucking long.

“Listen, I can really do anything. I’m sorry but it’s work. What you want me to do?” he tried to reason with me, in vain.

“Call Meghan and ask her to reschedule it. We have an appointment with Doctor Lars next week.” I didn’t like to complain about his job or ask him to not to do it, but I couldn’t go through that alone.

“Everything will be fine, call me after the appointment and tell me what she says. I will be here as soon as I can.” I pushed him away with my eyes watering.

“Okay” for the first time in our life together he was putting his family in a second place.

The worst thing it was that trip didn’t last 2 weeks, but 3 months. He told me that his next project was being moved forward, and nothing else. He left me alone in the worst moment of my life and I couldn’t forget it.  

After a few more glasses of wine, I took me phone and I called him.

“Hello” he said with a surprised voice. “What’s going on?”

“What was what you wanted to tell me last time? Hey, I know we just fuck but I’m actually in a relationship with some else and you must forget about it.” I slurred, mimicking him.

“You know it.” He said, I could hear him moving to another place. I guess he left the house.

“Of course, I do. Do you think I live under a rock?” I wasn’t jealous I was mad at him, at myself.

“Okay I get it you’re mad, but I wanted to talk…”

“What for? To say sorry for fucking me or to ask me to keep back of your new love.”

“No, it’s not like…”

“Why did you leave me? Why wasn’t I your priority anymore? I asked, removing the tears away from my face. My voice broke a few times, I was unable to keep myself still.

“Where are you? Are you drunk?” he asked hurriedly.

“It wasn’t my blame; I couldn’t have known it.” I kept talking.

“What are you talking about?” his voice was full of curiosity and confusion.

“We didn’t name him, he died without a name.” my face was completely wet, my arms were crossed around my stomach and my heart… I couldn’t feel my heart.

“Are you at home? Pease tell me where you are.” He asked desperately.

“Yes, I’m here.” I muttered before hanging up.

A few minutes later I heard the door opening, and his footsteps. I was in completely darkness, no TV, no lights, nothing but somehow, he knew exactly where I was.

“Hey! What’s going on? What happened?” he asked softly, sitting next to me in the half-furnished nursery.

“Why did you leave me?”

“Well, when you wife files for divorce, it’s actually kind of what you have do” he said with a sad smile in his face.

“You left me way before that.” I said quickly, he left me when we lost our baby. “We never talked about him.”

“I don’t think you are in an appropriate state to talk about him.” He said without looking at me.

“I’m fine. Don’t make excuses! You just don’t want to talk about him with me.”

“I don’t want to talk about him with nobody.”

“I’m not nobody.”

“Why is this so important now? It’s been a year since then, we are not together anymore...” he started to get up from the floor.

“You’re dating again…” I finished the sentence off for him “you told me you weren’t ready. You said you missed me, that you missed us.” I said, remembering what he told me when he was taking me to our bedroom between kisses and caresses.

His face looked confused and tired.

“I don’t get it. Why are so upset? You filed for divorce without telling me why, without giving me a chance to make it better. All I know is you felt neglected, but I didn’t do anything wrong. I thought we were just going through a rough patch, but I thought it was normal after all.” His voice was firmed, he wasn’t yelling me, but I bet he wanted. “I know you don’t think this but I’m not the bad guy here.” His eyes were red and watering. He never told me anything of this. He had been too angry to talk to me about anything.

He walked to the door, ready to leave me.

“You left me.” I said, calling his attention.  

“You already said that.” He barked back.  

“When I asked you to stay you left me for almost four months after I gave birth to my death son. I needed you Chris, and you rather work than be with your wife.” His face kept straight; he knew what I was talking about. I got up when I saw him get closer to me. He looked at me for minutes, as he wasn’t sure about his next words.

“I went to therapy. I didn’t come back home because I wasn’t stable, not because I was working, not because I wanted to leave, it was because I didn’t see another way to deal with everything. You were right when you said holding our baby it would be traumatic, it was.” I didn’t understand what he was talking about, we agreed on not to hold the baby when he was born but he cleared all up “I couldn’t help it, I saw him coming out of you as the same way Emma and Anna did. I needed to see him, and it was the worst thing I could have done, but it was my son.” His eyes never left mine when his body got much closer to me. “I lost my son too, honey. I couldn’t be there for you because I wasn’t handling in the right way.” I saw a single tear going down through his cheek. At least I wasn’t the only one crying.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“Because you gave birth to him! How the fucking hell could I have told you I was the one losing his mind after that? I know I should have stayed with you but believe me, there wasn’t another option, I didn’t find another way.”