#i have an entire other comic i need to finish before those 14 hours of voli's bracket are up so. wish me luck. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

imagine-that-100 · 4 years ago

Text

Why No Answer? | Part 2 |

Description of Part 1: Alex Turner x Reader (Female) | You’re woken up in the middle of the night to find Alex drunk and high on your doorstep. Looking after him proves to be a tiring and revealing ordeal.

Word Count: 12.8k

Warnings: Angst (from the past) but lots of fluff.

A/N: So this was requested by the lovely @psychkunox, really hope you enjoy this. I don’t know what happened, but I got very carried away with the word count yet again sorry about that ahha. I would recommend watching the Restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally either before or after you read. It’s quite comical and will give you more context. Anyway though, Likes, Reblogs, and Feedback is always appreciated, but thank you all for reading, I really hope you all enjoy xx

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Read Part 1: | Here |

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Al stop.” You scorn him in a whisper as he once again kisses the back of your neck as you stand in the queue for Space Mountain.

You really tried not to indulge in the feeling of his lips on your skin because it was an extremely addicting sensation. But you were in public, in Disney World of all places where everyone had their phones and cameras out, and the band were all standing in front of you in the queue.

“Alex.” You whisper shout again and pull yourself out of the hold he had on your hips when you felt him do it again.

You turn around and shake your head when you note the mischief in his eyes and the slight smirk gracing his pretty lips. You wanted nothing more to have them on your own in such a beautiful place but that couldn’t happen since you both decided you wanted to keep your relationship between yourselves for a while longer.

You were their photographer which meant that you didn’t want things to get weird with them on tour. And after you and Alex both decided to keep your relationship on the downlow when you initially started going out with each other, you sort of wanted to keep it that way, so nothing changed the dynamic of your group.

You were only 2 years younger than Matt and Alex, 3 years younger than Jamie and Nick, so you’d always been pretty close with them all. You thought of them all as your brothers as you were growing up as Alex had gone to the same primary school as you and Matt and they had been best mates since the beginning.

They met Jamie and Nick in High School along with Andy who was obviously initially in the band, before he stepped down and Nick took over. They had always been your family who’d taken good care of you and you knew just how lucky you were to have them all.

But obviously to them you’d always been Matt’s little, and sometimes annoying, sister. When they were 14/15 they all wanted nothing to do with you and you were certain Alex had hated you once upon a time, but that might have been because you were a 12 year old who’d started growing up having crushes on all of your brothers friends.

Thankfully they didn’t disown you completely as when you reached the less annoying age of 15, they didn’t seem to push you out as much. You liked hanging out with all of them, and you saw them more because they always had to come to your house because Matt couldn’t move the drum kit unless it was for a gig.

You’d always liked music as it had always been an escape for you. Like when the band were first starting out when you’d go up to your bedroom to escape the utter shit music they were making, and you’d have your Pulp and Blur records on.

There was a new band you actually introduced them too at the time which was The Strokes, which is comical in hindsight because if you’d never told Alex and Matt to listen to that record when they caught you humming along to Barely Legal, you weren’t sure Alex would have had the motivation to keep the band going and get it as big as they had become.

It wasn’t a secret that Alex’s hero was Julian Casablancas.

A few years later the band was getting bigger and the excitement in your household at them potentially making it big was intense. So much so that your Mum and Dad threw a party for them all when they got scouted and got the record deal.

It was at that party that Matt and Alex drunkenly agreed to let you be their photographer as soon as you were done with your photography apprenticeship. It was something they never forgot though and they did actually let you become their photographer.

So as soon as your apprenticeship finished in the summer of 2006, your 18-year-old self joined the lads on their tour. To say it was a dream come true would be an understatement.

Both you and Matt had loved photography your entire lives, stemming from when your Grandma bought you both a digital camera each one year for Christmas. Since then, it’d become your passion and your plan was to be a photographer anyway.

But being the photographer for Arctic Monkeys meant that you got to travel the world and see places you never thought you would, and you never got home sick because you already had your family around you.

You honestly adored your job.

In the breaks between their tours and them writing new material you would take other photography jobs in the years off, but that didn’t really happen for the first four years of them all being big.

Alex asked Domino if you could do their The Age of the Understatement tour too which you were surprised by, but of course you did it. A job was a job and you weren’t going to turn it down just because your brother wasn’t there.

Usually on the tours you’d stay in a separate bus from the lads because after the first week into the first tour you joined them on you saw what an absolute shit tip they all created. They were all revolting and all typical lads, being messy, every other sentence was a sex joke, and they were just revolting creatures.

To you it was genuinely a surprise they actually showered after every gig.

But thankfully with the years passing and being on tour busses became a constant for them instead of something new and exciting, they all got better. So, their Suck It And See tour was the first full tour you’d actually stayed in the bus with them.

Although sometimes you wished you hadn’t because that tour was where he met Breana and you definitely heard things you’d never want to hear again. You don’t know how the other lads weren’t scarred from the noises that came out of Matt’s bunk those nights.

All you had to say about it was thank god for earphones and ear defenders.

But you think it was on that tour that you started getting closer to Alex and the other lads. Mostly due to Matt being a love stuck puppy who spent most of his time with Breana but also because you didn’t want to burden him with your emotions.

About a month before the Suck It And See tour started in the February of 2011, your arsehole of a boyfriend texted you saying that he didn’t want to see you anymore. He was an arsehole for doing it over text and then not answering your calls afterwards, but he was an even bigger arsehole for getting with who you thought was your best friend as soon as the tour started.

Matt and the lads obviously knew about the breakup but due to them all having no social media none of them knew what your best friend had done to you. So, you cried about that betrayal in your bunk at night when you knew everyone else was asleep and you cried when you found moments of solitude.

They had enough going on with interviews and tours and you didn’t want them to burden them with your issues too. But that stopped when Alex walked in on your crying in the back lounge of the bus about a month into the tour.

Your ex best friend had just posted a picture of her and your ex who you still had the misfortune of having feelings for and you just crumbled. When you saw it you just couldn’t bear the thought of being around anyone else, so you slipped out of their presence and cried your way back to the tour bus.

Thankfully no one followed you in your time of crisis which meant that you got your uncontrollable sobs out of the way alone. But of course, someone came back to the bus and found you.

And that person was Alex.

He’d come back for another pack of fags needing the extra nicotine in the hours before a show. But all thoughts of that stopped when he heard crying come from the back end of the bus.

He walked past the bunks and opened the door into the back lounge to find you sat on the floor with your head buried into your knees and sobs were ringing in his ears. His heart dropped at the sight.

“Y/N what's wrong?” Alex asks, rushing over to you.

And when you didn't answer he called your name again. “Y/N?”

But you just shake your head and continue sobbing into your knees. So he begs, “Please talk to me, love”

He was kneeling down beside you, his hand coming to the back of your head as if to slowly coax you out of your hiding stop. And after stroking the back of your head for a minute, your head rises from your hiding spot but your eyes remain shut and you continue to sob.

Alex tries his best to coax you out of your sobs but you’re pretty much hyperventilating in front of him. After another one of the longest minutes of Alex’s life he manages to get you to slow your cries enough for words to fall from your lips.

“My life’s falling apart” You sob, still refusing to look at him. Your breathing is better but still erratic when you continue to tell him in a pain stricken voice, “I can’t carry on crying myself to sleep like this every night... I- I just want to feel normal again”

“What’s happened? Why are you upset?” Alex begs for you to tell him, ripping the tears from under your eyes.

The only thing that comes to mind is your previous relationship, so Alex asks, “Is it about your ex?”

You nod, tears still pouring down your eyes, “He’s taken everything Alex... My life is fucking ruined”

“No he hasn’t Y/N. You’re here, you’ve got us” He tries to assure you, but you just shake your head.

After a second you open your watery eyes and Alex can see how much pain they hold. They somehow contain even more when you speak the words out loud, “He’s going out with Y/B/F.”

Even Alex’s blood runs cold when he hears that. His words almost get caught in his throat when he asks, “What?”

You nod, sniffling a bit and wiping your own tears from your cheeks when you repeat, “He’s going out with Y/B/F.”

“Please tell me you’re joking” The words fall from his mouth before he can stop them.

You and your best friend had been together since day one, like you’d practically been friends since birth. You were practically sisters.

It was only the odd time Alex would come to yours and Matt’s house growing up and Y/B/F wasn’t there with you. You were the annoying girls he couldn’t escape.

Not that he still felt like that as you yourself had become a really good friend but back when you were 12 you were both so fucking annoying. But everyone knew that your and Y/B/F came as a pair.

You were the best of friends, and completely inseparable.

“I don’t think I’d be on the floor crying if I was joking Alex.” You whine, trying your best to stop your tears now someone else was with you.

You nod towards your phone that you threw on the sofa when you walked in the room and say, “Just look”

So Alex does. He takes your phone off the side and unlocks it knowing your password was your birthday and he quickly puts the numbers in and watches as it unlocks.

And his heart sinks at the proof that lays in his hands. There on the screen he can clearly see the picture of your best friend and your ex-boyfriend quite clearly together.

They were posed in the way couples typically posed for pictures and then there was another of them at the same party and they stood kissing, and Alex found it repulsive.

“This isn’t okay.” Alex looks up from the phone to see your head no leaning back against the settee, tears falling freely down your cheeks now.

You make no effort to look at him when you say, “I know.”

“Why didn’t Matt tell me?” Alex asks, a little confused.

Surely this was something that was to be at least hushedly whispered to the people closest to you.

“Because he doesn't know.” You say simply.

“Why?” He asks, locking the phone so you didn’t see the pictures again.

You told Matt everything these days. There was no point in secrets between you as you were adults and you cared for the other’s well-being.

You’d always been open with each other, minus the time that you went out to a party when you were 16 and came back with a series of love bites on your neck. All of the lads had been really shocked when you walked in a little bit tipsy with those on your skin.

Matt had been furious and a little disgusted knowing someone had been touching you in a romantic sense. So, it was no surprise to the other lads that when you were questioned on if something more happened, you pressed your swollen lips together and slipped up to your room denying that anything else had happened.

It was comical because it was clear to everyone else that it had gone further than someone kissing your neck.

Everyone took the piss out of Matt that night saying that someone had just taken his sister's virginity and it left the drummer mortified. But you always denied it to the full band until about 6 months later when Alex had asked you in the kitchen if you were actually lying or not.

Of course, Alex didn’t actually tell any of the others when you confirmed what everyone already knew. But that was the last time you’d ever lied to your brother.

So, hearing that your brother didn’t know about this shocking and frankly disgusting news in your life was concerning.

You looked up towards your brothers’ best mate and told him the truth, “Because I can’t ruin his time with Breana…”

You had to trail off because the lump in your throat was getting too much. So you swallowed it away before continuing, your voice still pained, barely above a whisper, “He really likes her and he doesn’t need to be worrying about me... She could be the mother of his children for all we know... I’m not ruining that chance because my life has fallen apart.”

“He’d understand Y/N/N.” Alex told you, once again leaning forward to wipe away your tears.

You shake your head, “It’s not fair.”

“And you think what’s happened to you is fair?” Alex questions, knowing full well that it wasn’t.

No one deserved this type of betrayal. Especially you.

You just started weeping again then and Alex brought you into his arms, needing to console you in a hug. Thankfully you didn’t resist his hug and Alex let you cry into his shoulder as you clung to him.

After a while of him rubbing your back and whispering you sweet nothings, he had to tell you, “You could have told me Y/N/N.”

You shake your head into his neck then, Alex could still feel the tears falling onto his skin. He just about hears you say into his shoulder, “You’re happy with Arielle, I don’t want you dealing with my shit either.”

“Your family, what hurts you hurts me” Alex tells you, “You’ve always got me Y/N… Always.”

After another five minutes of you both on the floor, Arielle walks in and is immediately worried seeing you sat on the ground crying into Alex’s arms. Alex just politely asked her to go and get Matt though which she did, and you didn’t oppose it.

You couldn’t deal with that on your own any longer and you were thankful for Alex being so kind to you. Your heart just fully melted in your chest later on after everything had been explained to everyone and he pulled you aside and gave you another big hug.

He whispered to you, “You’re going to be okay Y/N/N.” before placing a kiss to the top of your head.

The rest of that tour was filled with him making sure you were always okay and so did the other lads. But maybe it felt more personal to you when Alex checked on you because he was the one that found you.

It was him that just told you to cut them from your life completely and block them on everything as ‘they weren’t good enough for you anyway’. After you did that you felt better about your life. You’d cleared them from your Instagram, leaving no trace on your page that they were ever in your life and it was a difficult purge, but it definitely helped you in the long run.

The years without them in your life were tough but it had proven to be for the best in the end.

Because once upon a time you thought you were going to marry your ex-boyfriend, but now you were standing in Disney World with your boyfriend trying to steal kisses from you. And you wouldn’t change it for the world.

You give your boyfriend of 4 months a warning look, but his eyes just held mischief. You had to remind him, “They are going to see.”

“Then let’s go somewhere else.” Alex says moving back towards you, and ushering you to move up the line a bit.

“After this we’ll try and escape.” You promise, but he was really shit at turning you down and you wanted it to be believable. “But you have to actually pretend you don’t wanna go.”

He rolls his eyes but sighs, “Fine.”

After Space Mountain you announced to the lads that you wanted to go see the Disney characters next which they all groaned at. You first of all pleaded with Matt to come with you knowing he wouldn’t before the rest of the lads and one by one they all dismissed you.

The last person you asked was Alex and he surprisingly put up a good fight until you ‘wore him down’ and got your own way. You spent the rest of the afternoon going round with him and getting pictures of the both of you with the characters and you got a nice lady to take a few pictures of you both outside the castle.

Those were your favourites, especially the one where he was kissing you.

As you were walking back to meet the others who were already back at the bus, you felt the need to tell him something which you’d yet to say. You didn’t think you’d find a better time than walking hand in hand in front of the Disney castle after one of the best days of your life.

So you pause your walk back for a moment to kiss him one last time before you make it back to the others. The kiss was sweet, just like the whole day had been, and you definitely felt like it was the right time to say, “I love you Alex.”

Immediately a smile found its way onto his lips, and he was practically beaming with joy. “You love me?” Alex asks you in a little disbelief.

“Yeah…” You nod, a massive smile on your lips “A lot as well.”

Alex leant down and kissed you again then, this time though his arms wrapped around your waist and lifted you off your feet, spinning you around in his arms. It caused you to giggle into the kiss a little but you loved it.

When your feet touched the ground again Alex told you, “I love you so much Y/N”

“I know.” You grin as he’d already told you once before.

Alex just chuckles at you, “Alright Han Solo” which made you giggle.

“I love you more than anything Al, thank you for making me happy.” You tell him wrapping your arms around him, needing a tight embrace just so he knew you meant every single word.

His arms obviously snake around you, making you feel secure in the warm hug. And your heart melts once more when he kisses your head and says, “I love you more Angel, thank you for letting me make you happy.”

~*~*~*~

“Al.” You said attempting and failing to pull away from the kiss he’d trapped you in.

If you were honest, you really weren’t really putting up much of a fight to stop the kisses. You were in one of their many tents that this festival they were performing at had given them.

There was one for chilling out in, one that was essentially a bar, and a few more you’d yet to explore. But Alex had pulled you into one with the mass of beanbags in it and he wasted no alone time to have his lips connect to yours.

“Yes baby?” He says in his low voice and you could hear his hunger for you in his voice before he kissed you again.

It made your stomach flip as you knew exactly what he was thinking as you’d heard his voice like that many times since you started seeing each other. You both had to show some restraint though as anyone could walk into the tent, there was only a flimsy curtain between inside and outside.

You pull on his hair to make him pull away as you couldn’t do it yourself as he’d trapped you between him and a beanbag. Once his soft lips parted from yours, you told him seriously, “Wait until the hotel.”

“But I want you now.” Alex then pouts at you, confirming the explicit thoughts that were running through his head.

You tell him truthfully, finding his pout very cute, “And I want you, but I’m not shagging you in a tent.”

“Why?” Alex questions, looking around for a moment before his gorgeous brown eyes meet your Y/E/C ones again. He chuckles, “It's a really posh tent.”

You guess it was too post to actually call it a tent. It was huge for a start and looked very expensive. You definitely felt privileged to get to experience all of this with him and the band.

“Hun you had me all last night...” You shake your head whilst smiling like an idiot, “You can retrain yourself until we get back.”

“Not easily.” He pouts again and it makes you giggle which he once again finds adorable.

Another kiss is exchanged then but you don't let it get to what it just had been like. You stop it after he tries to distract you and deepen it again but you’re having none of it.

“You need to go or there gunna be like ‘what’s he doing in there?’” You say knowing he’d be asked to drink with them sooner rather than later.

Alex smiles knowing you’re right, but he chuckles when he tells you, “You know we have to tell them at some point, right?”

“Yeah I know, I just want as much of this tour to be as normal as possible.” You say, aimlessly stroking your fingers up and down the short hair on the back of his hair. You grin when you say, “I’d like to escape Jamie’s jokes for as long as possible.”

Alex just laughs then before he pecks your lips once more. “I don’t blame you Angel… But you can handle yourself. We’ll be fine.”

“I know.” You smile, feeling very content in this moment that you had with him. “I love you Al.”

“I love you too.” He tells you before he steals another kiss and gets himself up. “Do you want a drink?”

You shake your head whilst you get yourself comfy on the beanbag, also reaching to the nearby blanket to cover yourself with. “Nah, I’m good thanks. I’m gunna have a nap before the show.”

Alex smiles at you then, turning back towards you when he gets near the curtain to leave. He just stops by the curtain that divides him from outside and when he sees you getting curled up under the blanket.

He can’t help but nod and say, “Yeah.”

“Yeah what?” You ask looking back up to him standing there grinning at you.

Alex nods down at you in your cosy spot and continues, “Yeah, you were definitely meant for me.”

You grin like an idiot then before you tell him, “Love you baby.”

“Love you too.” Alex smiles and sends a wink your way before he heads out of the tent.

You can’t help but shut your eyes and snuggle into your new ‘bed’ with a massive grin on your face. But when you hear Miles say, “Oi Al, you dickhead. Come and have a shot.” you just start giggling.

~*~*~*~

You were absolutely plastered, and it was really making Alex laugh. Even more so than it usually would because you were trying your best not to be obvious that you wanted his affection.

You were a clingy drunk which was absolutely fine, and all the lads knew that, but watching you slip up around him and having to make up for it with the other lads was really comical for Alex.

You’d just come over to Alex after you’d beaten him at pool and teased him for being shit. To which Alex was shooting digs back at you but all you did in response was laugh, call him a sore loser and ruffle his perfect hair up which you knew annoyed him.

So Alex had just forced your hands out of his hair by grabbing your wrists and stopping you from doing anything more. He gave you warning looks like he would have done any other time you annoyed him before you got together but you also noted the looks as a reminder of the secret that you’d set out.

That was what led you to sitting on Jamie’s lap and talking his ear off about Katie whilst playing with his wavy hair. He threatened you to get off it, saying he’d cut it all off which you at first drunkenly pleaded with him not too but then you changed your mind saying he could definitely pull off a Peaky Blinders cut.

Once off Jamie you went on to have some flirty banter with Miles as Nick and Jamie played pool. Alex was watching you with an amused look on his face as his best mate was teasing you about not being on the pull whilst being in a bar with everyone.

You came back with things like, “Aw Miles, I couldn’t do that to you. I know you’d cry yourself to sleep if I entertained anyone elses flirting besides yours.”

Alex also found your laugh adorable when Miles kissed you on your cheek and Matt told him to leave you alone and to stop flirting with you. It was times like that that made Alex glad his best mate didn’t know about the two of you yet.

But after Nick’s game of pool finished and Nick won, he was calling it a night, despite it being relatively early. It seemed that you knew your tolerance though and decided to head back to the bus with Nick.

So you then went around the other 4 lads who were staying and made a bit of an effort to kiss them all goodnight, Alex presumed so you could kiss him. Something which proved to be correct because you came to him last after kissing all the other lads, including your brother, on the cheek and came to give him one.

“Thank you for my drinks” You drunkenly smile at him and Alex grins down at you in an amused way.

“You’re welcome love” Alex chuckles at your tipsy state and you then force a hug upon him.

He obviously hugs you back but he’s aware of his mates looking so he doesn’t make it completely obvious that he’s enjoying the hug as much as he is despite him really wanting to. He wanted nothing more than to kiss your lips instead of you leaning in to kiss his cheek.

When you left his arms, he smiled at you and you moved back to your brother and made him give you a hug. Something which Matt did but not without a roll of his eyes, but Alex could tell it was a playful one.

“See you in the morning guys.” You say with a smile after linking your arm through Nick’s so he could help you walk back.

Everyone said bye to you then and their attention was on the new game of pool again. But whilst it was Matt’s go Alex let his eyes focus on you.

You were so cute, he wanted nothing more than to take you back to a hotel away from the others so he could just be with you all night. But Alex also understood why you wanted to keep it a secret for a while longer.

Tours were long, and he knew you’d both be bullied about it for a while from the others, which you were both prepared for. But you were due to be on the road for the next year with AM due out in September.

The plan was to tell them as soon as interviews back home started so you didn’t have to be around the joking for long. Alex was used to it after Alexa and Arielle, but he knew you weren’t, and he respected that.

So that was why he denied it when the lads began to question him on it about 5 minutes after you left.

“What’s going on?” Matt asks as Alex pots another ball into the pool table.

Alex grins thinking Matt was just fuming he was losing. As Alex moves around the table to eye up another winning shot, he says, “I’m beating you at pool

“No.” Matt shakes his head, earning eye contact from his best mate. “I mean with Y/N/N.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asks as he leans over the table to play his next shot, “She’s just gone back with Nick.”

“Don’t think he means that.” Miles grinned at him after he missed the tricky shot he’d chosen.

Alex raises his eyebrows in a questioning way, getting the feeling that people were catching on to how you were around each other.

And that suspicion is confirmed when Jamie says, “You’re very touchy with each other.”

“Touchy?” Alex laughs, as he watches your brother take another shot, “Jamie mate, she was on your lap earlier.”

“Yeah, but she keeps like teasing you and messing with your hair and shit.” Matt chips in with his observations after missing his shot on the stripped balls.

Alex rolls his eyes, “Matt, you literally fucked with my hair earlier today and Jamie did it yesterday... You all like to fucking annoy me by doing that.”

Alex continues to defend the both of you even though he wishes he didn’t have to. “You know what she’s like when she’s drunk, she doesn’t leave anyone alone.”

“He has a point; she didn’t shy away from me kissing her.” Miles points out raising his pint to the drummer.

Matt fakes a gag then and says, “Leave her the fuck alone Kane.”

“But she loves me.” Miles pouts, resting a hand over his heart like Matt’s words had hurt him. “You definitely want me as your brother-in-law.”

Alex smiles to himself knowing that he was now 6 months ahead of Miles in that category. God, he loved you. He could definitely see a bright future with you, and he had every intention to marry you one day in the years to come.

“I’d rather go to a Radiohead gig.” Matt says which earns a laugh from everyone, knowing how the hatred between the bands still hadn’t died out.

~*~*~*~

A month later you thought you were doing well. You were very careful around everyone after Alex told you about the questioning he got after the bar.

You were just normal with each other throughout the days, not overly interacting with each other. But when Alex’s eyes were hidden by his sunglasses, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wonder.

And it definitely helped that it was your job to take pictures of him. You could stare at him all day that way, even if it was through a camera lens.

Moments alone came when you’d stay in the bus when they went on nights out and Alex would venture back early meaning on nights like that, he actually got to give you goodnight kisses like he loved doing. Other moments took place when he would wander off at the multitude of festivals they were doing.

You’d say you were going getting pictures of different acts that no one else wanted to go watch. Alex would say he was going for a walk about 20 minutes later. Purely coincidence that you met up with him on his walk after you’d taken a photo or two.

Other times you snuck into each other's hotel rooms about an hour after you’d all gone your separate ways. But it was your nights in the hotels that you loved the most.

You got your privacy, and it was secure. The same as it was when he came to your house before the tour or when you went to his.

You loved being alone with him.

And tonight, all the other lads had gone out to a party somewhere and Alex had been faking an illness all day so he could stay in and they wouldn’t ask questions. They wouldn’t think it was weird you not going because you rarely went out with them.

They knew you valued your sleep too much.

So that was why you were alone in the back lounge with Alex tonight. And you’d honestly had one of the best nights being your normal cuddly selves.

You’d just watched a film with each other whilst being cuddled up on the sofa and you very nearly fell asleep in his embrace, but you weren’t wasting a full night alone with him. After the film you both went out and got yourselves a takeout from a place just down the road.

You made it into a full date night which was fucking adorable. After food, you coexisted normally for a little while, Alex letting you lean back against him whilst you edited your photos on your night off.

You were a pro at it after so many years, so it took no longer than an hour for the ones promotion wanted of them all. Alex was quite happily watching you edit the pictures of him and his friends as he absentmindedly played with your hair, placed random little kisses on your neck or on the back of your head, and at one point he even sang.

It was a really beautiful song, one that you’d only heard once before when he let you listen to the album when it was finished.

You only knew the title because he said it often in the song but having your boyfriend softly sing Mad Sounds into your ear as you worked you wished you could freeze time and appreciate it. His voice was amazing as everyone knew, but hearing it so close and so soft, it was hard to keep shivers from running down your spine.

“Such a beautiful song Al.” You smile closing your laptop as you’d finished what you needed to do and he’d finished singing.

You turn to him a bit more and he smiles back at you, tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear. “Like you then.” Alex grins before pressing his lips to yours.

You smile into the kiss as the comment was very adorable of him, but when you pulled back bullying was in order, “You’re so cheesy.”

“You love it.” Alex grins as you get up and put your laptop away, but you grab your small Lumix camera and come to sit back down.

You grin as you come and sit back down, this time straddling his lap so you could get a few close ups of him looking cute. You bring the viewfinder up to your eye and once you see his adorable smile on the other side of the lens you capture the perfection.

“I do.” You grin back at him.

You like that Alex never shies away from you when you have a camera in your hand. You knew after this much time that he trusted you with what you were capturing, especially in these moments together they wouldn’t be seen by anyone else.

“However…” You say, putting the camera down for a moment, “Me and your music are nothing alike.”

Alex frowns at you a little then, his hands running up your thighs, pulling you a little closer, “I think a certain track and our text message history would claim otherwise.”

You roll your eyes then knowing he was talking about Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High? But when he grins at your eye roll you quickly snap another picture of him.

“I guess I shouldn't have got involved with a lyricist if I didn't want songs about me, should I?” You ask with a knowing smirk as you pull the camera away from your face.

You don’t bother checking it on the screen as it pops up, you already knew it would be a good picture. Not because you took it, but because it was of him and he was happy.

“No, probably not.” Alex chuckles as he takes the camera from you before raising it to take one of you.

You give him a pointed look after the photograph and joke, “You better hope you get to release your B-sides before Matt catches on.”

“I’ll be murdered, I have no doubt.” Alex grins and you burst out laughing at him being dramatic.

Alex thinks you look gorgeous though, so he raises your camera back up and you let him, not having a problem with him taking your picture. You smile at first but after he gets the first picture, he keeps looking through the viewfinder so you then puff your cheeks out jokingly and move closer to the camera.

Alex chuckles from behind it and he moves the camera from his face so you can both giggle together. He steals a kiss from you which you gladly accept, and you can't help but bite your lip afterwards.

He just looked so good. His skin was flawless these days and the fact that all of his fair wasn’t around his face anymore made his stunning jawline stand out. His brown eyes that were usually always hidden by sunglasses were shining brightly and the smile on his lips really showed how happy he was.

And seeing him happy made you happy. You could safely say you truly loved him. You’d do anything to keep you both as happy as you are now.

Whilst you’re deep in thought, Alex raises your camera back up to his eye which breaks your daydreaming about his features and you playfully roll your eyes.

“Smile for me Angel.” He asks and you do for one shot because he is pretty cute and pretty impossible not to smile at.

“Beautiful.” Alex confirms when he quickly looks down at the screen seeing the picture, he just caught of you.

“Like you then.” You use his own words against him with a playful smile.

Alex then puts your camera down to the side and with his newly free hand he cups the back of your neck and mumbles a ‘very good’ before bringing you in for a kiss. Playful and sweet were the only ways to describe it.

You just adored this alone time with him, sitting on his lap at the back bus, which was usually a very crowded area for you all to use, and you were kissing each other like it was just yesterday you got together. Everything still felt just as exciting and new and you never wanted his lips off yours.

You loved that it was you who got to run your fingers through his hair and pull on it when you wanted a kiss to carry on longer, like you just did. You loved the way his large hands held your hips, keeping you close to him.

But mostly you loved that he was always wanting affection. You’d not been in a relationship for a very long time so it made you nervous initially but there was something about Alex that you craved, and his affection was definitely one of those things that you were addicted to now.

You never wanted moments like these to end. But of course, that wouldn’t be realistic.

“I fucking knew it!”

You both pull away from each other to see Jamie with his jaw agape by the door. And your heart dropped to the ground.

“Jamie.” Alex says before Jamie can run out of the room.

“Oh I can’t fucking believe it.” He says, still stood there with his jacket in his hand but he looks like his whole world has ended. “I’ve gotta go get Matt.”

The panic in you rises then and you practically just off Alex’s lap and grab your intruders’ arm before he can turn back, “Jamie no, don’t.” You plead, pulling on his arm to come into the room.

He turns back towards you then and he lets himself be pulled into the room. His head is still baffled though which leads him to say rather loudly, “You’re shagging, aren’t you?”

Your eyes go wide at the volume of his voice and you scorn, “Jamie.” quietly as you pull him further into the room so you can shut the door once more.

His eyes go wide impossibly wider though and he gasps, “You are!” looking from you to Alex who was still sat down.

“Matt is going to fucking murder you.” Jamie chuckles looking Alex dead in the eye as you ensure that no one else is on the bus by looking down through the bunks (thankfully all the curtains were still open) to the front lounge and you saw no one down the other end.

“Jamie please don’t start.” You hear Alex say, evidently not wanting this to get out of hand.

You close the door and turn around to the still very shocked man and say, “I’ll explain just please shut up and sit down.”

So you did explain that you’d been seeing each other for months. Jamie was shocked because he only started to suspect something a month into the tour.

But after he’d let the information sink in, it wasn’t really so shocking anymore. Which is why you’d got onto the conversation of why it was still a secret after you’d been going out for months.

“You know he’d be fine.” Jamie tells you, sitting down opposite you both, trying to persuade you to tell Matt. “He wouldn’t actually kick off, you can both do what you like.”

“It’s not really just about Matt.” You tell him honestly from your point of view. “It’s about all of you making jokes and shit for months. I didn’t want that.”

“Y/N we wouldn’t do that.” Jamie says leaning towards the both of you from the other sofa, but you’re having none of it.

“Cookie you’re the worst one for it.” You say with a pointed look.

You then point to Alex, who you were sitting beside now and say, “I remember what you were like with him and Arielle.”

And it was a lot. They joked about it all the time to start with, and it was annoying for you, let alone Alex and her.

“Him and Arielle were different.” Jamie states, a little on the defensive side, but then he follows it up with, “You don’t make funny videos for a living, I actually respect you a hell of a lot for putting up with us.”

You shake your head and tell the tipsy, but now definitely more sober man, “You’re not that bad.”

“Oh, we are.” Jamie says and you laugh because you were just being polite.

They could be a handful sometimes if you were telling the truth. But you wouldn’t change anything about any of them. You loved them all because of who and how they were, and they were all your family.

Jamie follows up with, “I'm genuinely surprised you actually want to go out with him after knowing what he’s like.”

You giggle at that and just pout as you joke, “I know, but you’re taken Cookie, so I went for the next best thing.”

“Hey” Alex scoffs, looking towards you, pretending to be offended.

You and Jamie just laugh at him though, and you intertwine your fingers when you grab Alex’s hand to hold as a little apology. You’d be sure to actually swear to him that you were joking later though.

Jamie notes the gesture and he can see the little knowing smiles on your faces and his heart melts a bit for the both of you. You were both pretty cute with each other to be fair and the more that Jamie had been playing detective about it he thought that the two of you would be a pretty good match.

So he was genuinely happy for the both of you.

“And as for the jokes…” Jamie continues, causing the two of you to look back around at him. But Jamie looks at you as he says, “If it upset you, you know I wouldn't do it”

“I don’t mind the odd joke about me sucking his dick or whatever, but I’ll go crazy if that's all I hear about for the next year.” You tell him honestly.

You could handle jokes, it wasn’t anything new. They joked about your first boyfriend to Matt for the longest time and had done each time you got a new one.

You could take a joke. But not 24/7 like this tour would promise it would.

“Okay, never say that again.” Jamie pleads, the shocked look not coming off his face, but you and Alex just laugh at his reaction.

His head goes into his hands for a moment but afterwards he looks at you both and says, “Yeah, you don’t have anything to worry about, joke wise, until I get comfortable with this dynamic because that was strange coming from your mouth.”

“You’ve heard me say worse than that, surely?” You ask, very amused by his discomfort.

Jamie just blankly says, “Not about Alex… And you’re practically my sister.”

“Sorry Cookie. I’ve got a right to say rude jokes about my boyfriend when I want to. He can say ones about me but from your reaction I don’t think you want him to.”

He then looks Alex dead in the eye and begs, “Please don’t.”

You both just end up laughing.

~*~*~*~

You decided after that night that you would think about being more open to telling Matt about everything that was going on. Thankfully Jamie was quite respectful of the whole thing and actually kept your secret.

He didn’t make things awkward for you both either, if anything he helped you both out a lot. Sometimes when you were out with them Jamie would keep the others entertained so you could escape with Alex for a little bit on a ‘fag break’ which would consist of stolen kisses.

Other times when you were all out, Jamie would lowkey guilt trip Alex into going back with you early so no one asked questions which you loved him even more for.

During this month that Jamie knew though, you’d been trying to come up with a way to tell Matt. Because you weren’t stupid, you knew this couldn’t go on for much longer.

Each time you tried to tell him though something would happen which meant that you didn’t. Once you froze, unable to tell him because you just genuinely didn’t know how to.

It wasn’t exactly something that you could drop on him and expect him to be fine with. Your nerves probably didn’t help but other times when you worked up the courage to do it, other things would go wrong.

Matt was in a foul mood one of the times, so that was a no go. Miles and Nick came in and interrupted another time before you got the words out and it was like a never ending series of unfortunate events that stopped you.

Alex had politely offered to do it after a few failed attempts but you said that you’d be more comfortable doing it. Partly because you thought that you should be the one to tell your brother and partly because you knew Matt wouldn’t hit you.

But there had been multiple failed attempts since then so you thought that you may actually make it to the end of the summer festivals at this rate.

It was nearing the end of August now and you were all staying in a hotel again tonight as you’d got to the city they were performing in the day before the show. You were pleased because it meant another night in with Alex so after you’d all had your dinner downstairs you’d given him your spare key card for your room so he could come to you whenever he liked.

Alex told you that he was looking forward to using it and he was excited to spend another night with you. It warmed your heart hearing that and when he rang you at 9:30 saying he was just running to the shop to grab the both of you some snacks, he said he’d let himself in about 20 minutes when he got back.

And that is why you were a little surprised when there was knocking on the door about 10 minutes later. You thought that was fast for a start but you gave him the key card so you wouldn’t have to get up and answer the door.

“Come in!” You shout across the room hoping he would hear you.

It seems that he does but his muffled response is, “It’s locked.” when the handle doesn’t budge.

You roll your eyes and mumble, “That’s why I gave you a key.” under your breath as you get up off your bed and head to the door.

And you’re about to scorn him but when the door opens you don’t find your boyfriend. You find your brother.

“Hey.” Matt says, stepping into your room after the door opens.

You’re shocked by his presence but try and act as calm as possible when you say, “Hey, you alright?”

Thank fuck you were still dressed. And thank fuck Alex wasn’t already here because you didn’t want him to find out like that.

But then you realised he’d be here in 10 minutes or so. And that made you want to get Matt out as quickly as possible.

“I’m fine, are you?” Your brother asks once he picks up the complimentary chocolate that the hotel had put on your bed which you were saving for later.

Any other night you would have ripped the shit out of him for coming in and doing that but now was not the time. You were borderline panicking as you were about to be caught out. But you try and disguise that as best as possible.

“Yeah, great thanks.” But really you’re just thinking, Shit.

Your brother asks you, “What do you have planned for tonight?”

Thinking on your feet all you can come up with is, “Just editing more pictures.”

“Fancy blowing it off and watching Netflix with me?” Matt questions and you all of a sudden feel really guilty that you want him to leave as much as you do.

You pull a little bit of a face at his question and try to carry on your lie, “Oh, I would but I’m honestly not feeling all that great after tea, so I was just gunna get an early night after I’ve done a few more pictures.”

“Funny that.” Your brother states when you turn away from him to grab your laptop from your bag as he sits himself down at the end of your bed.

You move towards the little desk that was in the room though and ask, “What is?”

“Alex isn’t feeling too well either.”

Well shit. You were too alike for your own good, coming up with the same excuses without telling the other.

“Oh?” You question, shitting it at this point, so you just open up your MacBook to distract you. “Maybe it was something we ate downstairs?”

All your brother replied was, “Doubt that because I had the same thing as you both.”

You choose no response as your best response and just continue to pull up a picture of Matt you hadn’t finished editing on photoshop yet. Being creative always eased your nerves so hopefully him watching you edit a picture of him would distract him.

“Y/N.” Matt says, trying to gain your attention.

You instead just carry-on messing with the photograph and suggest, “Maybe you should go check on our friend bro, could be being sick for all we know. Wouldn’t make for the prettiest show tomorrow”

“Y/N…” Matt says once more, and you know he wants you to look at him.

So you do and you see your brother sat on the end of your bed, looking at you. He asks in a serious yet calm tone, “Is Alex really ‘just a friend’ anymore?

Well. You guess you didn’t have to find a way to tell him anymore.

You sigh and shake your head, “No.” and as you close your laptop you tell the truth, “He’s a lot more.”

Matt can tell you’re serious straight away just by the way you were looking at him. And it makes him shake his head a bit in disbelief. He says calmly but in a tone that worries you, as he also runs a hand through his hair, “I knew it.”

“Please don’t be angry Matt.” You all but beg as you turn in your chair towards him more. “It’s my fault we didn't tell you sooner... I didn’t want things to be different with the group, so I was the one who wanted to keep it a secret.”

“You know you didn’t have to do that, right?” Matt has to ask you, feeling awful that you felt like you couldn’t tell him something. “I just want you to be happy... Al’s practically family so of course I want the same for him.”

“I know, I’m really sorry…” You trail off for a second, “It just got to a point where I didn’t know how to tell you and when I tried to things always got in the way.”

Matt nods completely understanding that. At least you wanted to tell him.

“When did it start?” Is the question Matt asks you next.

“New Year’s Day” You say quickly before wincing a little, hearing that it has been 8 months out loud.

You felt so bad.

Matt is shocked by that news too, “That long...? Really?”

“Yeah.” You nod, feeling awful, “I’m sorry.”

Matt ends up asking you a few more questions after that which were pretty much big brother sort of questions, making sure Alex was treating you right and stuff like that. Thankfully this had all gone very plain sailing and Matt was happy for you like you both knew he would be.

And he had forgiven you for not telling him for so long too which was a big relief. It felt like a massive weight off your shoulders.

So much so that you had to get up off your seat and give him a hug. Matt stood up for the embrace, so you got to hug him properly and it was such a lovely warm hug that you felt like you hadn’t had in such a long time.

Halfway through that long hug though, both you and Matt hear the door to your room unlock. You press your lips together and wince a little knowing exactly what is about to happen.

“Hey Y/N/N.” You hear Alex say from somewhere behind you and you let go of Matt and both of you look towards Alex now closing the door, not yet noticing the situation.

After he closes the door though, he begins to say before he turns towards you, “I got you thes- oh”

Matt smiles though seeing your favourite flowers in his best friend’s hand. You can’t help but smile at the sight of them too, and his face falling realising Matt was here was a little funny too.

He looked a little scared.

“I’m glad you’re treating her right Al.” Matt tells him, and Alex struggles with his words for a second and he looks to you for help.

“I just told him.” You nod confirming it out loud for him.

Alex’s eyes go from you back to his best mate then and he starts, “Listen Matt, I’m sor-”

But Matt interrupts, “No no I don’t need an apology.” He shakes his head, “Just don’t fuck it up.” He then looks between the both of you, “Either of you... Because that would make for a really awkward tour.”

You smile at that and say, “I don’t plan on doing, and I know he doesn’t either.”

Matt grins at you then and he looks back to Alex and takes a few steps towards him. He points a finger to his chest and says very seriously, “Make her cry Turner, and I'll castrate you.”

Alex slowly nods, “Noted”

Matt must then break into a grin because Alex does too, and your brother then heads over to the door.

Matt turns back towards you and says, “Have a nice night love birds.” and walks out with a grin and he shuts the door behind him.

Both you and Alex stay silent for a second looking at the door almost in disbelief that the thing you’d both waited 8 months to do, was now over. Alex turns around to look at you and you’re both just awkwardly smiling at each other.

Alex puts the plastic bag filled with snacks down on the table he was standing beside and says, “Well you could have pre warned me.”

You shake your head, “I didn’t know he was coming. But he asked me to watch Netflix with him and apparently I gave the same excuse as you.”

“Oh fuck. Clever, aren’t we?” Alex chuckles a little and you nod in response.

Alex holds up the flowers he got for you and you can’t help but smile, “Well, I was hoping to surprise you with these, but you definitely won on the surprise front tonight.”

You giggle at that and you lean up to kiss him after taking the flowers from him, “Thank you my love.”

You briefly put them down whilst you say, “At least we don’t have to stay away from each other anymore.”

“Never going to let you go now Darling.” Alex chuckles before picking you up in a hug and spinning you around. You can’t help but giggle.

The next morning you both ventured downstairs to have breakfast with the others and found that they were all there waiting for you at your table with knowing looks. You and Alex just had grins on your faces knowing Matt would have gone around and told them all before you even got the chance.

They were all of course happy for you but of course you got some jokes and some questions. Jamie had got a bit used to it now, so he was starting with his jokes in private to you but when you sat down, he asked the both of you, “Suck his dick last night?”

“Wow, you’ve been waiting for that one, haven’t you?” You laugh, sitting yourself down next to him, immediately reaching for the menu so you could see what was on offer for breakfast.

The table obviously all laughed, and it was all fun and playful as you imagined it would be. You were glad Matt wasn’t cringing at all the details that you were giving out, as it was things like how far back moments happened, like when Alex asked you out officially and stuff like that.

All of the lads seemed really happy for you and even some of your other friends that were a part of the crew were shocked but buzzing for you. Alex got loads of people saying, ‘You better treat her right’ which made you laugh a lot.

But thankfully it was business as usual, just with the addition of getting to hold his hand and kiss him the odd time when you wanted. You’d rather most of your affection be in private though so not much had really changed on the social front.

Even when you were trying to be discrete about it, you didn’t find it too hard because you were still just the same Y/N and Alex. You’d been friends for years, so the dynamic shift wasn’t all that drastic.

You both were just the same friends that you could walk next to each other and it just be normal. You didn’t have to be touching each other all the time, you’d go walk with Miles or Nick and just go spend time with Alex every now and then.

You were glad that things never felt too different.

You guess the only thing that marginally was different was the first night back on the bus after you’d been staying in the hotel. You were all heading to bed and when you came out of the bathroom after changing, you headed to your own bunk, but then realised you didn’t actually need to.

Alex’s bunk was the top bunk in the middle, so you walked right past your own and straight to his. He was just in his boxers like most of the lads usually were when they slept on this bus.

“Hey.” You say with a big smile.

“Hey.” Alex grins, his messy hair almost falling into his eyes. He makes you smile when he says, “Was just about to come kiss you”

“Vile.” You hear Miles gag from the bunk directly below and you look down at him and frown.

“Miles, he kisses you... What are you on about?” You question, not understanding.

They were literally always touchy feely with each other which you thought was cute and adorable. They’d always been great mates and were close enough to actually perform together using one microphone.

So it made you laugh when Alex lent down over his bunk to say, “Little offended there mate.” to his friend.

Nick bursts out laughing at your backchat and Alex’s hurt and you chuckle along before you glance back to your boyfriend. Once his head was the right way up again you smile at him.

“I can join you for the night now, right?” You ask him and you love the smile that comes to his lips.

He nods, “Course you can.”

So Alex shuffles back in the bunk, enough for you to comfortably jump up and once you lay beside him you can’t stop grinning. It definitely felt weird to be in a bunk with him for everyone to see but it definitely makes you happy, even if it was a tight squeeze.

“Hi” You grin at him as he’s on his side, his back pressed to the wall of the bunk, looking down on you.

“Hey beautiful.” Alex says before he leans down and kisses you.

You of course kiss him back but after a second you quickly part so you can reach down to the curtain and pull it closed. You doubt that Nick wanted to watch from the bunk opposite.

As soon as your lips were back attached to Alex’s though you hear Nick whisper shout to everyone, “It’s starting!”

If your eyes were open, you would have rolled when but you just try to keep the smile off your lips, so you don’t ruin the kiss. And thankfully you both controlled yourselves enough to hold your smiles so you could indulge in a very nice kiss.

“If I hear anything come from that bunk, you don’t want to know what will happen.” Matt calls out loudly and you break apart from the kiss to laugh.

It seems like everyone else found it comical too, but it was even funnier when Jamie asked him, “What are you gunna do? Cry?”

“Fuck off Cookie.” Your brother says back, and you chuckle at that too.

You and Alex keep your curtain closed as the rest of them chat away and you get yourselves comfortable in the bunk. You are basically cuddled together in the bunk, with the duvet over you both, you still on your back and Alex tucked into your neck as he lay on his side.

You were glad you didn’t feel like you were about to roll out of the bunk, so it definitely made sense you were that way around. That and Alex quite liked to pick his head up every few minutes and trap you in another kiss.

A trap you certainly didn’t mind.

Usually when you all got in your bunks, curtains would stay open as you would all chat to each other and one by one curtains would close until you were all knackered and pass out until the next day. So, it wasn’t a shock that tonight you were all talking for quite a while, you and Alex just chatting to each other quietly in your bunk, liking the privacy that the curtain provided.

But after about 15 minutes someone shouted your name, popping yours and Alex’s bubble.

“Y/N?” You hear Jamie call you.

You smile knowing a joke was bound to come your way and respond, “Yeah?”

“I’ve got a question for you.” He informs and you can practically hear him smiling.

You grin at Alex and shout back to Jamie, “Okay, go on.”

“You know because you’re a photographer... Does that mean you take pictures of you and Alex in the bedroom?” Jamie asks teasingly and your immediately roll your eyes, but it doesn’t stop you from playing along.

“Shit.” You say jokingly loud, “How do they know?” You scorn Alex jokingly and he’s just silently laughing.

“Matt.” You call and joke, “Maybe don’t go through that SD card tomorrow.”

Earlier on he asked to see some of the pictures after the gig tonight and you said he could look through them before you started editing them tomorrow.

“I’ll burn it” Matt says back, and you just start silently giggling.

“What are you both up to in there?” You both hear Nick ask.

Alex says in a teasing voice, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Both of you have another few kisses in the time between those jokes and the next time you were heckled. But you were just cuddled when they next started joking.

“They are very quiet up there.” You both hear Miles say.

You shake your head and Alex sighs a little as you hear the rest of them chuckle.

“You doing good? You getting it up, Al?” Miles asks and you both feel him punch the top of his bunk, subsequently the bottom of yours.

You aren’t surprised when Alex doesn’t grace him with an answer.

“Very quiet indeed.” Nick laughs, more than likely looking down at Miles so they could share a laugh.

Jamie seems to jump in then with, “They are definitely biting their tongues.”

“Fuck off all of you.” Matt gets defensive but that just makes it comical.

You decided to upset your brother then by pretending to be annoyed when you scorn them, “You’re all really ruining the mood.”

Alex chuckles at that then, even though you weren’t doing anything. That is what made it funnier to him though.

“Sorry, do you need silence for Alex to get you off.” Jamie asks and it makes you roll your eyes at the question.

You reply, “No.” as an idea comes to mind.

“So you don't mind us carrying on talking then?” Miles asks teasingly. You can practically hear the smirk.

You backchat with, “Not if yous don't mind some noises too?”

“Fire away Hun.”

You brother almost shouts in distress, “No don’t. Both of you stay very fucking quiet.”

Jamie defends you both then, “Oh right so it’s alright when you and Breana fuck but when it’s Alex and Y/N you’re suddenly a prude.”

An argument starts out then with Matt defending himself and then Jamie defending you and so on and then it becomes a big thing. But you find it quite funny that Matt is getting annoyed, so you decide to make your own joke too.

“Al” You whisper, and he looks up at you for you to ask him, “Have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally?”

“Yeah, I watched it with you on the last tour.” He whispers back, reminding you.

You remember him doing now. You’d all had a movie night on the bus during the Suck It And See tour and because you were a little depressed they let you choose the film and you chose that one because it made you laugh.

“Okay, good.” You smirk knowing exactly what you were about to do.

Your boyfriend doesn’t yet get it though, so he asks in a whisper, “Why?”

“Alex” You say a bit louder, a smile you couldn’t hold back drawing to your face.

“What babe?” He asks you and you have to close your eyes, so you don’t break and start laughing.

You try to make your voice sound sultrier and you fake moan louder, “Oh god.”

At that though the boys arguing dies down as Alex whispers, “What are you doing?”

You hold your laugh and, “Alex.” falls from your lips in a breathy moan. And it’s loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Y/N, fuck off.” You hear your brother shout, clearly not amused.

You however come straight back with a very load moan of, “Alex fuck.”

“Matt I’m not touching her.” Alex shouts and you open your eyes to see Alex propped up to the side of you, looking at you like he was scared.

You don’t give it a second thought before you gasp even louder, “Right there Al”

You can hear Miles cackling below you both and you don’t let up with the moans you’re making despite wanting to laugh too. Next you raise your hand up to the ceiling of the bunk as if you’re using it to brace yourself, “Fuck.”

“Oh my god, don’t stop.” You plead in a desperate way as you look to your mortified boyfriend.

“Y/N shut up.” Alex whispers, but it just makes you carry on more.

The fake moans fall from you lips, filling the bunks with your pleads and gasps. Alex is still mortified, but the laughter coming from Jamie, Nick, and Miles just fuels you on.

You go fully Sally Albright on them. A series of loud moans leave your lips like:

“Yes Alex yes!”

“Faster.”

“Oh god.”

“Don’t stop!”

Alex shouts over your loud voice, “Matt, I fucking swear I’m not touching her!”

The way you moan, “Fuck Al” seems to just dismiss what Alex said straight away though.

“Stop!” Matt shouts back, obviously angry now.

You immediately contradict in a fake moan, “Don’t stop!”

“Alex!” You all but scream as you bang on the ceiling of the bunk again a few times.

You go to take it a step further, but you’re apparently not allowed, “Fuck, Alex plea-”

Your boyfriend puts his hand over your mouth so you can’t carry on. However, you just start dramatically fake moaning, and it sounds a lot dirtier because his hand is over your mouth.

You carry on until you get a rise out of Matt despite Alex pleading with you to stop with a scared look on his face. But you know your brother was about to stop so you just looked at your boyfriend’s gorgeous brown eyes and carried on.

And before you know it Matt is swearing getting himself out of his bunk and the curtain of yours is practically ripped open. As soon as you see sight of your brother you stop the fake moans completely as if it never happened.

Alex holds both his hands up in the air as if he’s being held at gunpoint. Matt can quite clearly see you're fully clothed and have a massive shit eating grin on your face.

“Damn that was good, thanks Al.” You joke to your boyfriend but you’re looking at your brother.

Matt holds up a finger at you and warns, “You’re on very thin ice right now.”

He looks angry and embarrassed all at once. He’s bright red but looks absolutely fuming so you can’t stop your laugh.

You giggle questioning, “Why because you know your best mate can fuck your sister?”

Jamie bursts out laughing at that and you crumble into a louder laugh.

“Stop it.” Alex gasps, playfully hitting your shoulder once again looking petrified as he glanced from you to your brother.

“I don’t need to hear whatever that was.” Matt scorns you and you’re very quick to give him some backchat.

“Did you just admit to us all that you’ve never given Bre an orgasm? Because if you don’t know what those sounds were then I feel sorry for her.” You joke back trying to be cocky.

Jamie’s laugh echoes through the bus and you can hear Miles cackling from below. You could see Nick gasping for breath in a fit of laughter and Alex gasps in shock from beside you.

“You need to fuck off Y/N.” Matt gives you one more death glare before he stalks back to his bunk.

“Oh pull the drum stick out your arse!” You say getting a little annoyed at how your brother couldn’t take a joke. “You better hope our hotel rooms are never next to each other.”

“Shut the fuck up. I won’t tell you again.” Matt says as he gets back into his bunk and shuts his curtain in a strop.

“Aw…” You pout turning back to Alex in your bunk. You give him a quick kiss and then joke, “Better save the next orgasm for the next hotel Darling.”

“I’m begging you to stop talking.” Alex shakes his head, still looking at you a little shocked that you’d actually done what you just had.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from Matt.” You giggle, and you say louder so the bus can hear you, “He’s not that scary... Just gotta bring up the time he shat himself when we were in the bat house in Chester Zoo and he quietens right down.”

You all hear Matt shout, “Fuck off!”

You and everyone else on the bus, bar Matt, started laughing then and you were still giggling away when you cuddled yourself into your boyfriend's body. Jamie and Miles begin to applaud you during their continued laughter which just makes your giggles difficult to silence.

Alex is still half shocked as he cuddled you into him, loving your humour but not actually believing you just faked an orgasm that loud on a tour bus surrounded by all your mates and your brother. He shakes his head and kisses the top of yours before telling you, “You’re gunna be the death of me.”

“Least it’ll be a fun death.” You joke and Alex laughs.

“You’re right.” Alex chuckles when you look up at him. You're grinning like an idiot and Alex tells you, “I love you, you psycho.”

“Love you too, weirdo.” You grin and proceed to kiss him sweetly.

After the kiss though you actually want to go to sleep in your boyfriend's arms peacefully. So despite Nick, Miles, and Jamie all still chuckling away, you turn back towards the curtain to redraw it and as you do you catch Jamie’s eye.

You wink at him before drawing the curtain and Jamie wolf whistles, which has you and Alex giggling away together as you cuddle yourself into him once more. You kiss Alex once more before playfully calling out to the others who were still laughing, “Night boys”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thank you for reading x

703 notes · View notes

paulisweeabootrash · 4 years ago

Text

2020 mini-review pack

Di Gi Charat (1999)

Episodes watched: 7

Platform: VRV (Hidive)

Di Gi Charat (pronounced like “carrot”) is a series of fast-paced 4-ish-minute shorts nominally about Dejiko and Rabi-en-Rose, rivals trying to be Earth’s greatest idol. Who are, respectively, a catgirl and a bunnygirl. Oh, and also they’re aliens? That’s... uh... certainly a premise, I guess. The actual show consists of self-contained gag-filled episodes with no ongoing story, in almost a sitcom kind of way, throwing the characters into situations without context, but with a stable “baseline” situation (unlike, say, Pop Team Epic, where the characters serve more as stock personalities playing different roles in different sketches). Dejiko is a snarky schemer. Rabi-en-Rose is a snarky schemer whose main activity seems to be bothering Dejiko at work. Puchiko is a small and quiet child and behaves accordingly. And Gema is... something? I have no clue, honestly, and neither does the fan wiki. Other recurring characters fill stock roles such as “manager” and “otaku”. A lot of the humor centers around poking fun at fandom. It’s a show by, for, and about otaku from an era before our current internet culture, and since I’m a millennial and not from Japan, that makes it unusually hard to evaluate.

W/A/S: 8/2?/5?

Weeb: Chibis. Catgirls. Idols. Kappas. Kawaii verbal tics. Akihabara. Low-detail background characters who look like blobs or thumbs with faces. Kanji left on-screen but untranslated. Particular sorts of highly-exaggerated facial expressions we may have become familiar with through emoji, but which still haven’t made their way into American media generally. This is ludicrously Japanese.

Ass: This really isn't that kind of show. Although it is certainly designed for adults, as evidenced by the presence of phrases like “naughty doujinshi”.

Shit: The art is fun. It has style shifts from comic strip to watercolor painting to mainstream 90s anime, and looks better than some of its contemporaries that were, uh, “real” shows. The opening takes up about a quarter of the total runtime and gets annoying quickly (but that's because it’s clearly designed for being part of a broadcast block, not binge-watching). Still, unless I’m missing hidden cleverness on account of not having the background knowledge, there’s not much to it. It’s just okay.

-----

First Astronomical Velocity (band, active 2011-present)

Platform: Spotify, surprisingly

Okay, this one is a bit different, and I’m jettisoning the whole format for it. Remember how I said the music-centered episodes of SoniAni were actually pretty good, even though the modeling-centered episodes were so offputting I never finished the show? Well it turns out that First Astronomical Velocity, Sonico’s band, has released several IRL albums. Physical copies may be a little hard to come by, but official uploads of a lot of their music can be found on Youtube and Spotify. Do your musical interests include at least two of: string arrangements that would be at home in a particularly sappy movie soundtrack, 90s-00s alternative rock, synthesizer beep-boops, and that constricted cutesy Japanese women’s vocal style (you know the one I mean)? Then this is for you. They’re a pretty good... uh... alt-pop-rock band, I guess is what I’d call them.

-----

Interspecies Reviewers (2020)

Episodes watched: the entire 12-episode season

Platform: I plead the 5th. But it’s getting a video release soon, so it will finally be legitimately available in English!

I started this year with a plot-light fanservicey animal-people show, and now I’m ending the year with... a plot-light fanservicey animal-people show. But unlike Nekopara, this show had me cracking up, eagerly clicking “next episode”, and not complaining about the premise. I’m sure a lot of people do have a problem with this show’s premise -- which centers almost entirely on various forms of sex work -- and I understand and respect that they will want to skip this show.

But for the rest of you: Interspecies Reviewers is a wildly-NSFW comedy about a group of fantasy world adventurers who gain fame and fortune reviewing brothels of different species. I expected excessive nudity and fantasy tropes, but I didn’t expect to also get serious thoughts. Like showing, in the golem and Magic Metropolis episodes, some of the unsettling problems that are looming IRL as deepfakes and sex robots are in development -- note especially the contrast between consensually and non-consensually basing automata on real people in those episodes. Or the discussion in the last episode of how much riskier sex would be in a world without magic (i.e., ours). This is a much smarter and more interesting show than you’d expect, considering that it has so much sexual content that it got dropped by two of the networks airing it and even its US distributor.

W/A/S: 5/10/4

Weeb: Although heavily influenced by the Western fantasy media canon of European mythology and Tolkien and tabletop RPGs, familiarity with the tropes of fantasy anime will help you “get” this too, as will familiarity with the -sigh- character dynamics and censorship practices of hentai. Especially because it’s a comedy, there are probably also instances where I have completely missed topical references or wordplay that a Japanese person would get, but I can’t think of any specific instances right now of “there was clearly supposed to be a joke but I missed it”.

Ass: Look, this could not possibly have more sexual content without unambiguously becoming porn. Genitals are (almost) always carefully hidden by viewing angle or conveniently-placed glowing (something lampshaded in one episode as an actual feature of one of the species they review), but otherwise, expect lots of nudity and almost nonstop crude humor. Do not watch this with children. Do not watch this with your parents. Do not watch this with friends you don’t know well enough to know how they’ll react to something like this.

Shit: This show is better-made than it deserves to be. It’s pretty dumb at points, but it’s fun enough to make up for it. The art is consistent and pleasant, and the opening and ending themes are extremely fun, but it’s not a serious standout in any of those departments. Also, I swear the background music is stock music, but I don’t remember what other show(s) I’ve heard it in before.

Stray thought: Crim is a precious and relatable cinnamon roll and I love them.

-----

OreSuki OVA (2020)

Platform: Crunchyroll

So, I know I didn’t cover the whole season in my initial review, but I still want to mention the hour-ish-long finale of this show, which was released straight to streaming. Short version of the rest of the season: Joro starts to actually fall for Pansy, but a new challenger, Hose, appears. He is irritatingly attractive and effortless at maintaining the right persona for the situation, leading Joro to describe him as “the main character”. Hose is the sociopathic manipulator Joro wishes he could be, and Pansy, who has a bad past with him, clearly wants nothing more than for Joro to stand up to him. But, since this is OreSuki, it’s not going to be handled simply. No, instead, strap in for a grand finale of Joro and Hose competing in, and trying to manipulate through rules-lawyering, an absolutely ludicrous competition to win the right to date Pansy. And, on top of it, we also get to finally see how Sun-chan got to be the way he is and what happened at that pivotal baseball game that set off the whole plot. What has Joro learned from the experiences of the past season? You’ll see! And you’ll facepalm about it!

Really, you must watch this if you watched the regular season.

W/A/S: 6/5(!)/4ish

Weeb: Basically the same as I said before. Gags referencing other Japanese media, anime and otherwise, and it's better if you’re familiar with the high school romcoms and harem comedies Joro thinks in terms of.

Ass (and slight content note): -sigh- Why does the camera need to be there? Also, Joro, you just committed a little bit of sexual assault for the sake of this contest. Stop.

Shit: I want to rate this overall better than I did the regular season because I think it’s an excellent finale overall because, even though it ends in a very “let’s leave everything unresolved” way that’s common in media that rely on absurd relationships to propel the plot, it does so in a way that makes sense in character. I personally think it would’ve been stronger if it had, well, confirmed its title, and at least some of the other “challengers” had lost interest in Joro, but I guess they probably want a Season 2, since they have so much more source material to work from. There are... oh god 14 light novels?! That is too many.

-----

Your Name. (2016)

Platform: DVD

Two high schoolers -- small-town girl Mitsuha, from Itomori, and big-city boy Taki, from Tokyo -- find themselves in each other’s bodies for a day. They both think at first it must be a very vivid dream, but when it happens again, and they start finding clues like notes they don’t remember writing and comments by friends and relatives about their out-of-character behavior, they realize the body swap is real. This begins a relationship of mutual understanding that nobody else can really understand -- or would even believe (except Mitsuha’s grandmother, who is... familiar with this phenomenon) -- and the plot then pivots to a tense adventure where they use their connection, some crucial information Taki has, the skills of Mitsuha’s friends, and the intervention of Itomori’s patron deity, to save the town from an impending disaster.

And that’s all I’ll say about that, because I really do think this is something you should go into blind. My only remaining comments are that (1) the red string of fate is critically important imagery, and is particularly interesting to me here because, if I took a particular scene correctly, Mitsuha made her own red string of fate from sheer necessity, which is a very different twist on that trope, and (2) I am now curious about the history of the body-swapping phenomenon in-universe.

W/A/S: 4?/2/2

Weeb: As mentioned above, symbolism of the Red String of Fate shows up throughout the movie, as do the occasional distinctly Japanese quirk like a wildly out-of-place vending machine or a café with dogs, and but for the most part it’s a cross-cultural story of understanding and dealing with someone else’s life, and of forming a connection other people don’t -- can’t -- truly understand, and to some extent of divides between urban and rural and modern and traditional that I think could play out in any country with just the local symbolism tweaked. The significance and content of Shinto beliefs and practices depicted, particularly kuchikamizake, are made pretty explicit, so although foreign to the vast majority of the non-Japanese audience, I feel like this movie also has nearly no barrier to entry for people not familiar with the cultural context, so I don’t want to rate it very high on this scale.

Ass: Look. It involves teenagers switching bodies. What do you think they do? Especially Taki? But it’s played for laughs, not titillation.

Shit: This movie is beautiful and punched me in the feels and was very satisfying. The closest I have to a complaint about any aspect of it is that the musical breaks that I guess are supposed to mark acts of the movie almost make it feel like binge-watching a short series instead of watching a single self-contained movie.

#weeaboo trash #anime review #mini-reviews #happy new year #di gi charat #first astronomical velocity #super sonico #interspecies reviewers #oresuki #Are You Really the Only One Who Likes Me?#your name

1 note · View note

comicteaparty · 5 years ago

Text

March 28th-April 3rd, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from March 28th, 2020 to April 3rd, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

How many hours do you work on your comic per week, and how do you manager to balance that with other responsibilities?

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

heheh So we are.. cheating a bit Both me and my coworker are unemployed, and is working on hour comic, like was it a full time job. It is our passion project, and dream that we can work and live of makeing comics. In Denmark you can apply for grants from the government, but you need to have releashed a book before that is possible. We are useing the comic, to show potentional clients in the future what we can do. For now we are working on it from 09:00-17:00 ish (with a long lunch break) while applying for other kinds of grants, and also does all the things we are supposed to to get our unemplyment money, and searching for jobs, and freelance gigs, gathering the courage to start our own small company (not right now though) and yeaah time will tell

carcarchu

@Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS that doesn't sound like cheating to me? more like using the tools at your disposal to turn your passion into a viable career

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

hehe it feels a little like cheating! there are some debates about if it is okay or not, but we think that strengthening our skills is a good use of our time

eli [a winged tale]

Haha also not cheating! It’s great you’re using the time to chase the dream I’m curious what’s your breakdown for those time working on the comic? As for me, usually 1-2 hours a day with a bit more on the weekend if time permits. These days with the quarantine it’s about 2-3 h a day

DanitheCarutor

Since I'm unemployed until who knows when I've been working on my comic between 40-50 hours a week about 6 to 7 days a week... most weeks. Some days, like update day or chore day, I hardly work on the comic or don't work on it at all. Admittedly I'm not the best at balancing drawing with other responsibilities, sometimes I get so into it that I forget about daily house chores, other weeks I do the opposite and only do house chores which makes me totally behind of comic stuff. I can't seem to find a good middle ground, it always turns into completely focusing on one or the other.

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah when I get in the zone, time flies and life gets put to the wayside

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

So I have no school or work, so the webcomic has become almost a fulltime project for me

I average about 10 hours per day working on it, not counting on chores and exercise

Another thing I worry about is the possibility of carpal tunnel syndrome, which is why I've been relentless with exercise, too

I guess it's just a combination of relentless reminders and also sheer willpower that gets me to do other responsibilities haha

@eli [a winged tale] also I know that feeling

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

So since my school had to cancel, I have to be more responsible for my online course. Sometimes I give myself 2 days off each week to work more into my upcoming webcomic but I have to switch my mind for school work, online classes. Also extra time for food. I need to get back into exercise or I feel exhausted more easily. I keep a wall schedule so that I make it a routine to write what I'll do every 3 or 5 days, to keep my active brain reminded(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I spent the majority of last year (fun)employed (partially by choice, partially not! my previous job let me go rather unceremoniously... and I needed a hiatus anyway... so it worked out) so I poured a lot more hours into that chapter of Phantomarine than I usually did. I worked on it almost every day - at least for a couple of hours, but sometimes up to a full eight-hour day. That number has dipped tremendously since I’ve gone back to work, but I’m spreading the same amount of time out in a broader way. I’m trying to get a good buffer during my hiatus, so I can work and draw in a healthy balance. I don’t have crazy overtime at my current job like I did at my last one, so that’s already a comfort. I’m confident I’ll be able to hit a good stride once the comic returns in June (edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Can’t wait Lady!!

Feather J. Fern

Two part time jobs, and school killed my comic, but I been working on getting one panel done a day, which is around 30minutes to an hour if possible.

eli [a winged tale]

My routine used to be rendering on the commute but now just once in am and once pm until this limbo time is clarified

That’s awesome Feather! It’s so rewarding when everything comes together after putting effort everyday

Feather J. Fern

Once school is done in two more weeks I will be more free to do things so I hope to get maybe two panels done in a day XD

Online school, stupid quarantine

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Due to the pandemic im mostly off school and my part time job so i spend like 4-5 hours on my comic per day. Still would like try to get a page done per day but lmao digital painting is slowwww

eli [a winged tale]

What’s everyone’s tips for breaks/stretches/balance? I feel like I certainly need to revisit these to avoid burnout and continue feeling motivated!

Feather J. Fern

Actually there was a cool manga artist who's tip was literally he only worked working hours. His mornings are free and since manga was his job, he worked form 12-6, giving him 2 hours to do other work he needs to get done, and takes morning walks and stuff.

Another person I know had "No working weekends" as a thing becuase they are a freelancer.

I personally have try to make sure I ahve a routine, and actually, stretch before drawing.

Streetch before, during a break, and then after, to keep that body nice and warmed up

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Health-wise there's this hing for your : every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds. I'm not good at following this, but when I do it, it helps a lot.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Despite the current pandemic, my work-life hasn't changed much (unless you count stress getting in the way). I am currently "unemployed," but I do consider comicking my full-time job. I am also not very good at balancing work and life. Something's always gotta give. Last year, I worked at a job that basically ruined my ability to work on my comic. I worked 30-40 hours typically, ruined my sleep schedule, took work home sometimes, and was constantly exhausted. This is what resulted in my year and a half long hiatus, and it's what drove me to work like hell on my comic when I quit. Now (when I'm in the groove and not suffering from art block), I typically spend 60-70 hours on my comic and get 2-3 pages done: - 30 hours sketching (I know, ridiculous) - 5 hours filling in base colors - 20-25 hours painting - 5 hours adding text, speech bubbles, sfx, and finishing touches - 1-2 hours formatting for Webtoon I also spend some time throughout the week typing up the script, doing concept art for things coming in the future of the comic, and preparing for conventions, but I can't tell you exactly how much time.

eli [a winged tale]

Thanks for the breakdown! I’m always keen to learn from everyone and seeing how the workflow is like for different people

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh don't forget to do wrist stretches!

eli [a winged tale]

Ahh formatting time is always so tedious for me!

Yes wrist exercises! Any recommendations?

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

hmmm well the easiest one is literally just shaking it out

like every hour

and I also like to hold my arm out parallel, point my fingers up and using my other hand to pull the fingers back so i'm stretching the wrist

then I point the fingers down and pull on the fingers until my wrist is stretching

eli [a winged tale]

Awesome. Will be adopting those!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I'm pretty fast. 2-6 hours per page, depending on how detailed it is. Average of 3-4. I could probably do 2 pages/ week easily enough, but don't want to do more than that. I'm the kind of person who always needs to be doing a million different things. I need to leave time for my other hobbies and my paintings and my academics and extracurriculars. Otherwise I'd get burnt out doing one thing only

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

@eli [a winged tale] So since it is both me and @Q (Wayfinders: Off Course) working, we start with working on a rough each, our goal is one step (so rough, ink, color) for two pages pr day, pr person. So in a weak the goal is four finished pages a week, and then we upload 3 pages per week. So it is divided that in the morning we start at 09:00 in the morning, maybe checking mail, being practical or whatever. Then we work until 12:00 were we eat lunch, go for a long nice walk and then we go back to work between 13:00 and 14:00 ish and then work until 17:00 when we begin to prepare dinner. Then of course breaks inbetween

Q (Wayfinders: Off Course)

It’s pretty wild to be able to dedicate your entire day to comics like that

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

damn you all work fast

do you guys have any tips on how to work on a webcomic faster?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Lol, I wish!

Still looking for those magical secrets

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@shadowhood (SunnyxRain) You know the 80-20 rule? You can get 80% of the result with 20% of the effort? My comic is very messy if you zoom in. I don't spend time making sure the linework or the coloring is perfectly clean. Also, I'm pretty fast at drawing figures. I used to practice figure drawing a lot by rushing to draw strangers irl before they moved, or by drawing a bunch of fast figures from the free figure drawing model websites online. I've also taken a figure drawing course (didn't even have to pay because it was part of my university! Even if you don't have that option you can probably find free life drawing sessions on Meetup or similar!) which really helped me streamline my process for drawing people

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Oh I see! Yes, I used to take life drawing classes too! And your response makes me feel a lot better

I tend to be a bit messy with inking, and since i'm a perfectionist a lot of my time is wasted on editing/clean up

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've seen cronaj draw, and while I think the results look excellent, I think her method is a kind of inefficient. She draws like a printer, nearly finishing one detailed body part before moving on the the next. I think maybe if she drew in a more classical way, going from a gesture drawing to progressively more detailed, it might help her be faster and her poses more cohesive and dynamic. Maybe working on 1 or 5 min figures would help? Practicing things like this?

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah I try to do figure practices for efficiency

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I heard that there are some online life drawing vids you can follow too

but what are your experiences with online life drawing vids versus the real thing

like is there a real difference?

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

found some of my old 1 minutes

To me there's not too much difference

I've heard some people say that life drawing is either way easier or way harder though. Because of your depth perception when looking at a real person

But the bruises on my legs can attest to my horrid depth perception haha. That might be why I don't notice a difference

Actually those previous sketches might be 30 seconds? I don't remember

I would recommend you try both but right now we pretty much only have the online option haha

eli [a winged tale]

Yeah I’ve done both and I think irl creates complexity with depth and the interactions with others etc is helpful but online is my go to for flexibility

I think having a process streamlined will make things more efficient. The downside is that it might feel tedious and I do switch it up from time to time for variety

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Might feel uncomfortable but that's how you know you're improving

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There is a TON of difference for me. I HAVE to look at a physical model in front of me.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Can't get better if you always do the same things

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

This is what my brain does.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I wonder- could drawing yourself in a mirror be a decent substitute?

If youre lucky you might also be able to ask an SO or roommate to model for you. Should probably pay them back by cooking for them or something though

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Brain: sees a real model in front of me Brain: translates 3D to 2D, result: drawing Brain: sees a photo/video of a model Brain: SHIT. That's supposed to be 3D, isn't it? Brain: Translates 2D to 3D (basically re-constructing it in my head, or attempting to re-construct) so that it can translate it back to 2D Brain: BSOD

There's some online resources out there that have "3D" photos... you know, two near-identical images side by side, so if you look at it cross-eyed, it becomes 3D?

But I can't do those because I get a headache X'D

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Just thinking about drawing from that makes me dizzy

eli [a winged tale]

Oh interesting!

Yeah maybe looking out the window to draw people would be the way to go...

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But maybe figure drawing in VR exists?

eli [a winged tale]

Balcony figure drawings

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I live on the top floor so those are going to be some very small figures

eli [a winged tale]

For ants

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Once this coronavirus thing is over, there's lots of ways you can do gesture drawings from just random people -- bus stops, cafes, museums (I have not done this, but people who have done this report this is really good because others assume you're drawing the artworks. XD)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I've done this a lot

Sometimes I've even shown people drawing of themselves if they've turned out particularly nice

They've always taken it well

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

I like drawing my professors because they use hand gestures a lot when they talk

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Airport was REALLY good for finding people stuck in one pose indefinitely

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

they alwayas laugh when I show them

eli [a winged tale]

Shadow omg I do that too

Draws classmates

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

yeah the only issue i have with drawing classmates

is that they're always doing the "i'm using my phone" pose

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Become the master of drawing people on their phones

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Maybe try drawing children on the playground?

This works better if you're a woman

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

oh thank jesus

I also like going to the zoo or the museum

or the aquarium if i'm feeling adventurous

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I am a University student so I also have some pretty interestng drawings of people asleep in weird poses

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I really need to start going to weekly figure drawing sessions once this is over (there's one here... 20 min drive... 8AM Saturdays )

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

ditto or just go to the park and draw

and @Eightfish (Puppeteer) I've had some.....weird poses from all my profs

one guy was incredibly hard to draw; he was VERY enthusiastic about showing us knife skills

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

The parks here are too spacious, to a degree where it's weird to get close enough to people

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Bring binoculars

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Don't worry ma'am I'm an artist

nothing sketchy

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

(except my sketch)

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

A+ pun right there

another place to go for figure drawing

theaters

like.....opera/plays

I once tried drawing the men dancing in the Newsies musical

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Tried that once, but it took me out of the performance

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

same i was dazzled by dancing men

aaaaand then i abandoned sketching at all when they started throwing newspaper strips into the audience

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

But they were giving you free paper!

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

THEY WERE

i'll take what i can get

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

@Eightfish (Puppeteer) While I agree that my method of drawing is "inefficient," I do not draw like a printer. There are videos of people drawing like a printer and it's not what I'm doing. I have done gesture drawing before, but it always looked incredibly abstract, and not quite like people, which is fine, but not what I'm going for. I treat gesture drawing like a warm-up exercise. It doesn't really do anything for my end result, but gets my drawing muscles stretched out.(edited)

eli [a winged tale]

Gesture drawings are definitely a good warmup!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Perhaps it was an inappropriate analogy. What works for me I guess wouldn't work for everyone. I was trying to offer advice because whenever you talk about how much time you spend on art and you work life balance it's commendable but also dismaying. I hope you find something that works for you in the future

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oh god.. I sometimes work 6 hours a day. I guess thats like 30 hours a week? Crazy to think about, it's like a full job

Oooh you guys are sharing figure drawings... I swant to show some of mine

Behold

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My figure drawing usually breaks down into like, medical anatomy study. I feel like I understand body shapes better by including the muscles & bones

carcarchu

ABS the most important figure study

Deo101 [Millennium]

ah figure drawing? I love figure drawing ^^

I do like a lot but this kinda thing is most of it

anyways as for the question at hand, I do a lot of different things for my comics weekly. My millennium pages take me 2-6 hours i would say, but I also have patreon things I need to do so I'd say i spend 10-15 hours on it a week. for my other comic, I spend about 6 hours an update, and it updates every other week. but honestly, all of my free time goes to assorted comics. If i'm not working on school work or chatting with people, I'm working on things for patreon, potential merch, or other comics I want to start sometime.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Oooh nice poses!!’

Deo101 [Millennium]

thanks!! I have a ton of gesture/figure drawings but these ones are my most recent that I have saved to my computer i think

10 minutes im pretty sure. very good for speeding up

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Those look really nice, good values

Deo101 [Millennium]

thanks ^^ I really hate working in charcoal honestly, it kinda always winds up hurting my body somehow, but its very quick sooooooo

kayotics

My answer for the prompt question has changed a lot since I started quarantine lmao... I used to do about 10 hours of work throughout the week on my comic page (usually after work, I have an office job) but ironically it’s gotten harder while I work from home. I’ve been struggling to find time since I don’t have a separation between work and home now, and putting the boundaries up of “I’m not always available” to coworkers is difficult.

Also on figure studies: they’re a great way to practice speed. I use the concepts of figure drawings all the time.

RebelVampire

@kayotics As someone who always works from home doing remote contract work, I have to say I think this is something a lot of people underestimate about work at home life. In that it's sometimes really difficult to establish boundaries with ppl and make them understand you aren't always available and also aren't gonna work billions of hours of overtime. So I'm sorry to hear that's affecting your comic work.

Shadowmark Productions

I work anywhere from 6-8 hours a day on comic stuff. That’s an average though. Sometimes I slack and need to pull all nighters to make up for it. Yes, I am terrible at time management. They say entrepreneurs are the only people willing to work 80 hours a week for themselves so they do not have to work 40 hours a week for someone else. I guess webcomic creators are the only people willing to work 80+ hours a week so that they can... go to work for someone else afterwards

AntiBunny

4 days of procrastinating, 1 of procrastinating and hating myself, and 2 of actual comic drawing seems to make up my weekly comic making schedule. :p

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I can only imagine how stressed I would be if I forced myself to update weekly

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

This is a hard question to answer because it varies a lot depending on my energy levels. Ideally I’d spend several hours a day on comics, but realistically I draw as much as possible when I have the energy (5+ hours a day for as many days in a row as I can handle it) and then go weeks or months too tired to do comics. On average, barring any long periods of exhaustion or other interruptions from RL, I spend about 20+ hours a week making pages for my comics.

sagaholmgaard

I prefer to work on my comic for about an hour ever morning and maybe 2-3 hours in the evening, that's the ideal routine for me. Right now I sadly have a lot of schoolwork to do (writing my thesis) so i might get less than 30 minutes in the morning and then feel rlly tired in the evening so I dont get as much time then either. but oh well!

I can still work for 4-5 hours on the weekends so I manage ^^(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

The whole stay-indoors order's currently completely wrecked my pattern, but before that I did between 3-4 hours a day.

Shadowmark Productions

Can’t imagine the stress of a daily or even weekly posting schedule. Hats off.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator babble #creator interview #comic creator interview #comic tea party #ctp

1 note · View note

thedistantstorm · 5 years ago

Text

Keep On Rising (Until The Sky Knows Your Name) 15

A story about how an orphaned Amanda Holliday comes to belong in the Last Safe City and the family she finds along the way.

(Or, the story of how Commander Zavala finds himself responsible for one Amanda Holliday.)

Chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

This time: Hideo makes his play. Zavala says goodbye to Karena.

There have been few times in Hideo's life that he has genuinely been afraid of Commander Zavala. He isn't a man who instills fear. He is direct and honest, leads by example and rewards those who do right by him with the most impressive loyalty.

So when he makes this meeting request, he expects it to be a joyous, thankful affair. It certainly begins lightly, Hideo bring his usual wine, Zavala politely sipping at half a glass.

"I had heard through the grapevine," He begins, swirling the wine in his glass to better release the bouquet, "That you were interested in adopting a child."

Zavala straightens, immediately. Tense. "And?" He asks, tersely.

"She was moved to one of New Monarchy's facilities, last week."

The intensity of the Commander's gaze is something to behold. Were it not directed at him, he might have noticed how crystalline it was, his irises a perfect marriage of aquamarine and sapphire. However, it was directed at him, and thusly, it was terrifying.

"She…" He knows the Commander will see through a fib, so instead he offers quietly, "It's clear she is struggling."

"Who told you as much?"

"I went to see her this morning."

Zavala sets down his glass with the finesse of a dainty woman, the majority of his wine completely forgotten. "Why."

That the Commander is not asking is not lost on him. "I simply wanted to confirm this was a legitimate issue," Hideo answers. "Certainly you're an important figure, and there are often nefarious plots to extort those figures."

"Is this one of them?" It's asked in an icy monotone, the curl of each word making his spine tingle. The Commander sits perfectly still, not a shred of emotion crossing his face, his eyes narrowed, eyebrows neutral and yet giving a very frightening contrast to his eyes. His skin flicks lazily with the aura beneath it, but it only reminds the Executor of a predator, poised to strike.

Every atom of his being screams one thing: I will not allow harm to befall those I care about.

Hideo holds up both hands to beg a truce. "Not at all, not at all." He laughs nervously. "I had followed up with the board of governors, and the administrator of the facility. I will see to your application's approval myself. Considering all you do for the City and her people, this should never have been an issue."

"Tell that to the child."

"I was not sure how to approach it with her. I didn't want to complicate the situation further."

Zavala folds his hands together on the table, nodding. "Will I be denied visitation again?"

"They did what?" Hideo's eyes bug out, comically wide. "Commander, I - I had no idea."

The Titan evaluates him carefully before reaching for the wine glass he discarded moments before. "I didn't imagine you would. I do not expect preferential treatment."

"It should still be afforded to you."

"I will accept it, this time, because it is not for my sake."

Hideo nods. "I - this isn't for New Monarchy. You have always protected the City's denizens and their interests. I simply wished to offer you the same courtesy."

In his mind, Zavala hears a sarcastic laugh courtesy of his Ghost, but he does not not react. "I appreciate that," He says. "You have my gratitude."

"Just… keep doing what you do, Commander. This City needs a strong leader like you."

Zavala senses the propaganda at the tip of the Executor's tongue, but the other man simply finishes his wine and rises.

"I will have a word with the Matron at the facility. If she gives you any trouble at all, I'll have her removed from the City."

"Executor."

Hideo laughs, smiling wide. "I'm kidding. She will be sorely reprimanded, though, for her lack of respect."

"I want her moved back to the Tower," Karena says to the physician. "Today. Right now."

The child is clinging to her. She'd been called the moment Hideo had finished speaking with Zavala, and had come immediately. Zavala himself wouldn't be able to come down until he'd finished for the evening. It would be late. Eva had offered, but Karena was determined to evaluate the damages for herself.

Amanda had yet to say more than a few words, not that she was a chattery child, but the last week seemed to cull her spunky side. It was clear she hadn't been eating, as well. Even now, she looked at the tray they'd given her with distrust. When Karena looked into it, she saw why. The evidence of crushed pills in the jelly-like applesauce was enough to turn her stomach too.

The physician sighs. "Ma'am, New Monarchy has the most state of the art-"

"She's a child, not a wild animal. Pills in her food? She deserves to know what she's being given and why."

"She was refusing," He presses.

"Now she's refusing to eat. See the issue?"

"I don't see how a new facility would change things," He tells her, gruffly. "And to be honest I didn't think the public health system had that kind of pull."

Karena runs a hand over Amanda's wild hair, smoothing through her tangled curls. The empathy in this place was certainly lacking. "It doesn't," She agrees. "But by the end of business today, it won't be the public health system calling the shots."

The facility's matron lingers in the doorway, approaching after the doctor leaves. "You didn't tell me who," She accuses, bluntly. "I would have gotten the Executor on the horn myself."

"Of course you would have,” Karena scoffs. Amanda flinches at the sound of the newcomer, pushing her head into Karena's knee. "He was in the room when I called you."

"They fired whomever refused him visitation. They'd remove me, but since you want her moved, I should be able to keep my job."

"Lucky you," Karena answers. "I wouldn't be around when he comes."

"He won’t be here," Gracie informs the other matron instead. "I was actually coming to tell you I called report to the Tower’s facility. I knew you'd want her moved, and the powers that be are more concerned with salvaging the situation than the money involved." Matron Gracie toes at the floor. "They'll pick her up in an hour. You can ride with her."

"There is some kindness left in your heart, after all," The senior matron marvels.

"It was nothing personal. This is my job, Kar', you know that."

"Oh, don't give me that, Grace. You were never like this before New Monarchy doubled your paycheck. You used to give everything to your children. It's why I recommended you." Karena shakes her head, unwilling to turn it into an argument with the child shaking beside her. "Thank you for expediting the process," She says. "It will make things easier."

She steps into the room. Amanda clutches at Karena almost painfully hard. "For what it's worth-"

"You should leave."

Grace hesitates, sighs, and does as her old colleague is asking.

Karena returns to stroking the child's hair. "Things will get better soon," She tells her. "You'll see."

It doesn't, though. They have to sedate her for the move. It's non-negotiable, mostly since the moment they get her into the shuttle she begins panicking, flailing about at the sound of the engine, babbling about convoys and rovers. It's not a stretch, the matron thinks. A combination of exhaustion and lack of nutrition leave her clammy and fevered, her stress levels clearly beyond whatever coping skills she'd learned already in her short life.

It's for the best that she’s knocked out, as the medical team taking over runs a myriad of tests on girl to see if there are any masked issues from her time in the other facility.

"She's already lost close to five pounds. They'll want to put a tube in to feed her," The new nurse says. "We should do it now before she wakes, she'll-"

"The Commander is coming by later. Let him work with her first. I'm certain she'll eat for him." Karena sighs. "I don't think we should be doing anything traumatic without telling her. She's had enough of that."

"If you're certain."

"I am," Karena tuts. "You'll be running things by him from here on, anyway."

It's the strangest thing. He's not entirely sure what he was expecting and honestly, he still had to squash the thought that he could not believe what he was doing. One minute he'd made up his mind, thinking he'd be able to ease into it with bureaucracy, and the next he's scrawling his name across legal documents with a shaking hand and it's done.

Permanent.

Surreal, he thinks. It's all rather surreal. And terrifying. He hadn't exactly asked her what she wanted, just assumed that perhaps she'd looked to him in a familial way because they'd encountered each other early on, and-

Oh, Traveler's crack, Shiori swears. Amanda loves you, stop being so paranoid.

None of her encouragement lessens his elevated heart rate. He's been keyed up all afternoon and into the evening. Even Cayde had found his behavior peculiar, watching him with a calculating stare befitting of a Hunter.

The Tower's medical facility was almost more familiar than his flat. Which reminds him that he needs to figure out a living situation. Even if New Monarchy did pull strings and the deed was done, she was in his care, he knew he'd have to make her a bedroom. As his thoughts spiral away into uncertainties and alleys of thought, Shiori chimes in again, serious, her elegant, almost biting tone a balm for the anxiety racking his mind.

Karena slips out into the hallway when she hears him approach, sliding the door shut behind her.

The lights in the room are dim, and the glare of fluorescent light on the glass door makes it hard to see anything but his own reflection. Still, that doesn't stop the Commander from trying to look over her shoulder.

"It was a bad day," She informs him softly. "A very bad week."

"We expected as much," He agrees.

"She was almost entirely non-verbal when I arrived. They had to sedate her on our way back. It reminded her of a rover. There are some psychological things you’ll have to face with her."

Zavala nods.

"She's still a bit out of it." Karena sighs. "Her response to some of the stress was to stop eating."

"Why?" His lips turn in a frown.

"They snuck pills in her food. I saw it today.” She pauses, wetting her lips. “She's a smart girl. They wanted her calm, but this just terrified her. She clung to my leg like they were going to drag her away kicking and screaming."

His eyes darken dangerously. "You don't think-"

"Oh, not at all. Some of it is irrational fear on her part. Their demeanor with her was standoffish, but nothing short of professional. She hasn't been harmed. She was simply trying to exercise some control over whatever she could."

He nods. It isn't rational, but he understands that the child doesn't know that.

"I won't be able to come by as often," She tells him. "But I'll try to, when I can."

"You've more than enough," He says warmly, accepting her gentle - but brief - embrace. "I cannot thank you enough.”

“Don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t.” He promises.

Karena leaves right after. Then, it’s just the two of them. He takes a deep breath, his Ghost reminding him to breathe.

What if she doesn’t want this? He wonders again.

Shiori’s answer is immediate. She does, Zavala. Trust me.

He straightens his shoulders. “Alright,” He says to himself; As though he’s stepping into a warzone, boots on the ground, ready to go to war.

You’re such a dork, His Ghost tells him, but there’s affection woven into the static. Get in there, soldier.

Zavala opens the door.

#destiny fanfiction #commander zavala #executor hideo #amanda holliday #shipwright september #zavala is tower dad #watch what happens next #feels incoming

11 notes · View notes

samesongxox · 5 years ago

Text

Savior: Chapter 1 (Gilded Cages)

So this is just me posting this from fanfiction.net I’m only on chapter 9 so far but after Christmas I’m hoping to pick this back.

Summary: (Hellboy 2019) AKA Turning a New Leaf AKA Good Samaritans Need Love Too. The B.P.R.D is tasked to infiltrate a black market creature trafficking ring led by a powerful warlock. Hellboy rescues Phyrra who is found being held hostage, a slave for her magic. He must protect her as she is hunted by her master and his gang of monsters. (AU where Broom isn't dead/Abe wasn't found)

It will be rated M, it will include violence, swearing, smuttiness, all the good things in life.

Disclaimer: Hellboy belongs to Dark Horse Comics/Mike Mignola, I don't own anything except the AU and my OC's.

"What do you think should be done Phyrra?" The elf glanced up at her master, fighting to remain expressionless. What did she think? She could just as easily laugh or cry at the simple question, but she learned long ago that Elias was not swayed by a simpering female.

His gaze was firm on his most prized possession. As he was a creature of few real pleasures, this little human he caught tickled him greatly. He eagerly awaited her answer.

Phyrra hated when he smirked like that, that horrible grimace. It only meant danger, for her, for everyone in the room; it was only silence save for the humans pained breath and the anxious clacking of Rhys's hooves on the marbled floor, the creatures awaited the elf's answer.

Resolutely her gaze settled on the bloody man in chains before her master's grand desk, his bald head could barely be seen over the rich oak. The pitiful thing was starting to sob, quiet hiccups of air stealing the adrenaline left in his battered body, sweat tinged with blood trailed down the mans face, giving him the macabre illusion he was crying blood. It was an image too vicious for Phyrra to handle, as she weighed her options for the thing to say that would convince this prisoner to be saved.

"The human is obviously contrite. The inventory lost is pennies, and you have much more to gain from the information this one clearly has about Lazarus…." She tried to read the expression on her master's face, should she continue? Phyrra opened her mouth to do so.

"Noted. Mordecai?"

Her jaw clicked shut, he did not like her answer. Movement began to crawl from the shadowed corner, black grotesque shapes curling down the ceiling like slime. The figure shrunk until it evolved into a vaguely humanesque shape, and it stepped forward; eyes glittered like rubies as its glistening fangs barred in displeasure.

"It's obvious Elias. Let's skin this sack of shit." Phyrra felt her skin chill, the mere presence of the vampire setting her on edge. She hated this, the whole situation. How did she find herself in moments such as this?

The answer was quite simple, she was nothing more than a trophy. She should of said what she knew her master wanted to hear; her damnable pride causing her what would no doubt be a firm punishment, and she stood there hoping she would be having dinner tonight. By far she hated being starved the most.

Her master could not physically hurt her, so of course he had to resort to more creative ways to keep his slave in line.

Phyrra was brought back to reality as her master cleared his throat, obviously ready to give his judgement. His long spindly fingers were steeped together, his black nails clicking slowly, an impression of a relaxed bystander. Phyrra snuck a glance at Rhys and tried not to pity him too much for the dejected look upon his bronzed face, wishing that for once her master could maybe ask the centaur's opinion.

"Phyrra is right. Rhys, take the man to our cages and throw him in with the sirens, they'll have there fun. Once they have finished, bring back what is left of him and we'll see if this lips are still sealed tight." Phyrra stood in silence as the idea that the master agreed with her to not kill a human settled over frayed nerves, she had no way to know how to act in moments as these, the slightest ounce of kindness confusing her more than his normal cruelty could.

Rhys had not taken a step forward before the prisoner jolted up, his swollen eyes rolling to the back of his head, revealing the whites.

"I'll die before I let you take me! LONG LIVE LAZARUS!"

Phyrra couldn't help the gasp as time seemed to slow down, inhumanly quick the man had broken free of his chains, a feat that was thought to be impossible, but quickly it was confirmed this was no normal human as the being flung an unseen object at Elias. The object made contact, causing the warlock to stumble back in his chair, the force of the weapon propelling him backwards over the chair.

In a flash of movement, Rhys was charging towards the human, but could not be as quick as the vampire. Mordecai appeared out of seemingly thin air, wrapped his spindly arms around the neck of his soon to be victim. The pressure applied was quick and precise, the snap resounding in the room, the human dropped from his embrace and silence once again enveloped the room.

Mordecai hissed, furious at the pointy haired bitch and his once almighty friend, so easily swayed by the thought of her magic pussy.

Elias pushed himself off the floor with a grunt, quickly looking to his subordinate to gauge their reactions, feeling the blood drip from the newly acquired cut on his face; to say he was embarrassed was a grand understatement, he was furious. What was once a man, a lifetime ago, was replaced by a monster, Elias didn't get to where he was by being understanding and kind towards his fellow creatures.

Phyrra being the only thing to ever be privy to his altruism, his glorious clavis aurea. He didn't know what he would do if he ever lost her, these recent events cautioning him. It was Lazarus, the swine. He was what was making Elias desperate. He had a proud respectable business and that gargoyle threatened everything he had sacrificed everything for, it simply was not done.

"Mordecai, Rhys. Leave. Now." Mordecai didn't have to be told twice, nothing more than mist in seconds. Rhys on the other hand couldn't stop himself from seeking out Phyrra's eyes, needing her to let him know she was gonna be fine. Not looking at him, she slowly ran her finger across her eyebrow in what looked to be just a twitch, but it was their version of 'I'm okay' and an appeased Rhys left the room. He was much too sweet for this place, she often asked him why he worked for such a fiend.

Blatantly Phyrra realized what it was that hit her master. A fingernail. The human had broken off his entire nail when no one was looking and with a superhuman strength broke his chains, attempting to murder her master with it. Any other situation Phyrra would be laughing in an uncontrollable heap on the floor, still she could feel the smile trying to break on her face. It took her own nails biting into the flesh of her palm that brought it back from the brink of breaking.

"Phyrra, if you'd please?" She took a step forward, already beginning to feel the warm glow on her wrist, a perfunctory glance down saw that everything was happening as it usually did: The golden swirls on her outstretched fingers wiggled and weaved on the surface before slowly rising up off her skin, twirling like spun gold in the air, a graceful shimmer that poured melancholy in her heart whenever she used her people's gift for him.

The tendrils of interwoven threads before caressing themselves onto her master's wound, the healing technique was quicker if she physically touched his wound, however Phyrra spared much effort to remain a distance as often as possible. She loathed the way he looked at her the times her magic danced upon him. The tranquil, admiring way he tried to catch her eye always caused her discontent, like they were friendly enough for her to enjoy having her magic used.

Lately he had been acting very strange towards her. The last few decades they had collapsed into a safe routine, but recently he had begun to seek her out in her alone hours. Phyrra tried to strike up polite conversation, recent transactions at the auctions or the new text she was reading at the moment. Phyrra forced herself to not think of the truth, the tense, revolting feeling she got whenever she caught him staring at her. It was so obvious, but Phyrra was in no position to deny him the day he finally had enough of the charade of her youth.

She was no girl anymore; sure when he had first...'Acquired' her, she was still in her fledgling years. As much a child physically as any human of about 14 years. Those days were behind her however as she grew under Elias's care. As was the way of her kind, her body quickly filled out the long limbs, she reached maturity and Elias was quick to change along with it.

"It is all right pet. The inherent light that lives inside of you is one of the qualities I admire in you."

Phyrra fought the instinct to jerk back as he ran his nails in a gentle caress across her cheek, pushing some wispy trails of hair behind her ears. She couldn't stop the shiver as he continued across the elongated shell.

"You are in no trouble Phyrra, in fact, I'd like to reward you. After we sup tonight, we shall take a walk and I will present it to you." Phyrra stepped back in instinct as her master stood up abruptly, she did not care for the ruse of his calmness moments after what transpired. She was so use to nothing but fury and scorn from him.

"May I return to my room master?" Phyrra saw the blatant disappointment in his eyes, as she quickly added. "I'm just so very tired after healing you, I'd like to nap before I start our meal."

She prayed that the sanguine of her voice was enough to soothe him as Elias took her hands between him, continuing his unwanted attentions to the tattoo of curls on them.

"...Of course you may." He said it slyly, like there was some secret he held. She didn't care about his tone, internally sighing with relief anyway, she could do nothing but allow him to press his cold lips to her forehead, however unpleasant it felt.

Bowing deeply she scampered away as quickly as she dared with her master still watching. Once in the safety of the quiet hallway, the weight relieved off her shoulders, Phyrra took off in great strides to her room, keeping her feet light as she thought about how she might resemble what a gazelle might look like fleeing a lion. The analogy was not lost on her.

As Phyrra reached her door, she felt her skin turn to ice, something was behind her. Before she could even turn she was trapped against the surface of her entrance to her chambers, looking into the garnet gaze of Mordecai.

Out of the frying pan, it seemed.

"Where do you think you're going in such a rush, little lamb? Couldn't stand to be with your master for another second longer?" Mordecai's cruel smile twisted as he applied more pressure to her neck, ecstatic as her expression remained passive, only feeling the skin around her neck slightly bend to his will. Mordecai found her bodies disposition to damage fascinated.

Of course he does. Phyrra thought in disgust, the horrible thing can only comprehend dealing with pain.

"Mordecai, stop this at once." Brave enough in the moment, fueled potently by her anger from earlier. Phyrra pushed hard with her magic, her robes obstructed the full sight of her glowing body, she manipulated the light to blind Mordecai, causing the creature to hiss as he backed up hastily. Forcing him to cover his skin from the heat akin to sunlight coming from her skin, she quickly turned around, fumbled with her door. Scurrying inside to lock behind her just as urgent, her adrenaline causing her to pant in great breaths.

Mordecai opened his eyes, his hands took most of the damage, he realized disoriented. His senses quickly scoping out the stinking beast Elias kept for muscle, looking amused at the altercation he witnessed.

"You know Elias would have your head if I told him about this?" Mordecai sneered at the half man, without hesitation he called the bluff.

"Go on, tell him you dumb animal. I just might have my own tales to tell, like how I see you coming into her chambers at the crack of mornings." Mordecai loved the instant fear that overwhelmed the beast's face. "Did you think you could get away with it?" The vampire was merciless as he was with anything, his cruel words lashing at the centaur just as sure as if he was whipping him.

"I can still smell the virginity on her so I know you haven't fucked her," Rhys flinched at the language he used, which only gave the leech more pleasure, "but all the same Elias would be very displeased at you."

"What are you… What are you trying to get me to confess to?! I protect Phyrra to protect Elias, I am doing nothing untoward her!" Mordecai cackled as the victory of this interaction was clear, Mordecai didn't know why the animal even tried to get the upper hand on such a superior creature that he was.

"I am just telling you we both have our secrets…"

Rhys watched in horror as the bloodsucker slunk away in the darkness, his terrible laughter echoing in the hallway long after it's shadow was gone. Rhys was a creature of a simple life, centaurs were known for their power, strength, loyalty. He got confused easily with all of Elias's dealings, although he did want to remain in as much ignorance as he possibly could. It was much easier to think of Phyrra as a friend to protect than as a prisoner.

Rhys felt immense guilt, but it didn't stop him from raising his meaty fist, poised to knock on the door, before the strangest sounds reached Rhys's ears. It was a heavy thumping coming from down the hall...What the hell was that? Rhys went to investigate...

Unbeknownst to the activity on the other side of her door, Phyrra slowly moved throughout her spacious lodgings, absentmindedly running the brush she grabbed from her vanity through her wispy strands. She felt disconcerted, something was off but she could not pull herself from her weariness.

She didn't completely lie to the parasite. Using her magic was draining for her, her people's magic was a physical extension to their bodies, as much apart of there DNA as familiar genetics. She undressed without thought, shedding her robes to gaze at herself in the full length mirror hung from her wall, ornate and ancient if the inscription was any indication.

Phyrra knew of the beauty she possessed. She was an elf after all, a creature known for its beauty and grace. Her mother was one of the loveliest of her tribe, she came from a long, long line of powerful elves. She also knew that wasn't what her master wanted from her, it was just the extra incentive that kept her in this prison, the magic in her possession the true prize.

Going through her routine to have a bath, she was just pulling the towel around her body when Phyrra stopped short as she looked around her room, where was Binx?

Before Phyrra could even open her mouth to call for her friend, a massive tremor shivered the floor under her feet, her foolish sensitive ears picked up the sound of what could only be described as a brawl. She heard the sound of flesh being hit and a general white noise of commotion. What was Elias moving? Phyrra was used to the strangest sounds on this property, after all when you have a revolving door of the world's most dangerous beings there was bound to be property damage.

Phyrra needed to find Binx, regardless of what might be on the other side of the door. Not for the first time, Phyrra cursed her master for his hatred of her companion, the one thing left from her free life. She was never to bring Binx into his chambers, or around him, ever since he hit her once and broke her wing, Phyrra made Binx promise she'd steer clear of him, stubborn little pixie.

"Binx are you here?!" Panic began to cloud Phyrra's vision, her previous fatigue dissipated in the horror of her lost friend. Grabbing the doorknob with haste, Phyrra gathered the courage to face whatever was going on in this compound.

The door burst open but Phyrra saw nothing but white.

fin

clavis aurea - golden key (latin)

#fanfiction #hellboy fanfiction #first post #be gentle #writing

3 notes · View notes

kyidyl · 5 years ago

Text

Can we talk about art for a second?

I’m pretty sure none of you are following me for art content because that’s just not what I do normally, but I’ve been working on some stuff and I just wanted to share. Here’s my current WIP:

I’m using sketchbook on my iPad Pro, and...can we just talk about process for a second? I’m gonna put this behind a cut just in case it gets long and because this isn’t my normal content.

So I’ve been drawing almost my entire life, but I didn’t really start teaching myself anything good until around 9th grade (which is like...14 years old.). I started by copying Disney characters and then I was introduced to comic books and I copied those. I was in college when digital art start making its way into the art world. People would color their pencil drawings (this was shortly before tablets, so...with a mouse.). I grew into an artist around the time people like Aimee Major and Stephanie Lostimolo were really starting to stand out. And I don’t know about other fandoms, but I was in the gargoyles fandom and from what I can tell...a LOT of modern digital art has its genesis in that fandom. Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that I started using photoshop with version 3.0 and I’ve had a Wacom tablet almost since the day they came out (gen one graphire tablet represent!).

I’ve never, in all that time, gotten the hang of digital painting. I have a hard time with tablets because you can’t tilt them like you can tilt a paper and it takes a weird sort of hand-eye-screen coordination that I just never mastered. But digital art is so beautiful that I’ve always WANTED to be able to do it. I can make graphics and edit photos but I have a hard time with painting. I have seen the million myriad ways of doing it, and most of them start with the same idea: lay down flats and then lighten or darken as necessary. And this never worked for me because a, the airbrush tool isn’t painterly enough for me and b, it takes for goddamned EVER. For. Ever. And I’m a fast artist! I can spit out a whole line drawing in like a half hour-45 mins with traditional media. But I have adhd, and so finishing long term large scale detailed projects is often not in the cards for me. So dumping like 48 hours of work time into a painting isn’t going to work for me.

But recently I’ve gotten back into art again and I’ve been watching the sky artist of the year and I decided I was curious about oil painting and, well, one hyperfixation later, here we are. I don’t have the money or space for actual oil painting, so I went to sketchbook to see if there was an alternative, and there is! So because I wanted to learn how to oil paint I finally figured out how to digitally paint and I’m gonna share that with you in case you, like me, struggle with the time input and focus required to do digital art.

First, I started practicing poses by drawing an outline over any image that caught my fancy. I have a good understanding of human anatomy because of my science background, but my poses aren’t creative and I especially struggle with perspective and multiple figures in an image. So I started to do line drawings over an image. Here’s the stock image I used for the WIP:

Look at all that fabric! Look at the movement! I love it. So I traced it:

Yes, TRACED, because tracing is a tool like anything else.

Then I choose colors. I pick 5: a midtone (the color you want the thing to be perceived as. In my case, you can see it in the WIP at the top.), a slight dark, a slight light, a blackened tone for deep shadow, and a very light tone for highlights. I always default to white light when choosing these colors, and I’ll get to my reasoning further down. The palette for the robe looks like this:

(Ignore the tan and blue, they’re for another project)

Then you start to lay down flats. Now, I do this with the synthetic oil brush in sketchbook because I like the texture (this image though I’d laid down the flats with the airbrush months ago and didn’t want to redo it, hence the lack of texture and the 100% opacity.), and as with oils, my approach to digital now is to layer rather than cover. Staying in the lines isn’t important. In fact, you should go outside of the lines because it will help you get shadows and highlights along the edges later. What IS important is putting everything on different layers. When in doubt, new layer. I work from back to front, which means that the base layer is the background. In front of that is the skin, in front of that is the robe, in front of that is the teal inside of the robe, in front of that is accessories. Hair varies depending on what’s going on with the image. Here I’ll probably put it between the skin and robe. Ask yourself: what is this covered by? And the use that to decide layer placement. Special effects are a whole other thing, as are highlights. I’ll get to that in a second tho.

The next step is to create an oversketch. This serves much the same function as an undersketch in oil painting, only in reverse because your reference photo is under - and covered - by your work. I started doing it because as I was painting I was flicking the layer on and off, making it transparent, whatever just to see where the shadows are on the reference image. It was a real pain in the rear. So I started making the blobs and borders of the highlights and shadows with an oversketch. You don’t need a method for telling which boundaries are for shadows and which are highlights because for that you can just turn the layer on and off. Just mark where the General shapes are. Here’s the oversketch for this drawing:

See? Blobs of General Area. When you’re painting, use them to lay down color and then turn them off when you’re blending because they’re not part of the final image and you don’t want to end up with gaps that were covered by the over sketch. To do this, I use the 9b pencil tool and black, but tbh just se whatever you like. That’s just my preference.

Now, for the shading. I started by trying a bunch of different natural media brushes but I eventually ended up sticking on a kind of weird choice: the fan brush. I keep the flow around 20%, which gives me these nice textured marks to lay down color, but then if I don’t lift the pencil up it stops laying down color and instead starts to blend. This means a, I can make it as smooth or painterly as I like with one tool and b, I can paint and blend with the same tool. No more muddying up my drawings by over-blending with the smudge. No losing the texture while blending because it blends with the texture. And the shape of the fan brush allows me to be smudgy with I like, but also will do hard edges. Plus the blending thins out the colors so I can get neat effects by laying down colors on top of each other because it stays a little transparent. You end up needing to lay down a lot of “paint” to get opacity but that’s ok because it allows you to make more complex colors. That’s good, because things like skin aren’t a color. They’re chemical: they’re melanin in cells over blood vessels and muscle and skin is transparent. Even very dark skinned people have undertones. So when you build up paint this way you can capture undertones without ruining your painting. Which, I’m pretty sure, is how it works in oils. But it translates well to digital.

So at this point, painting your image is basically a calming adult coloring book. You lay down color, blend, check your reference, repeat. But a few things to keep in mind:

- Take note of the darkest and lightest areas of the image. Nothing should be lighter or darker than these areas. Nothing in the drawing above will be darker than her back because that’s the darkest area of the painting.

- See the trees and the forest. Sometimes a detail doesn’t make any sense until you’ve seen it in context. Trust your guide and your photo reference. But also make sure that you don’t get so stuck in the details that you can’t relate one area to another. A fold that goes through two areas should be consistent across those two areas, even if you painted them separately. An area might seem dark in comparison to what’s next to it, but it isn’t as dark as the darkest area of the image so don’t go whole hog. Keep it in context.

- Folds in clothing aren’t nonsensical. They are a result of the movement and weight of the fabric. Ergo, the shadows and highlights that create them should also make sense.

- If you’re having a hard time figuring out where the highlights and shadows are, make a copy of the reference image layer and desaturate in, then turn off the colored reference layer.

Lastly, I’m finding it helpful to keep the highlights from colored light on its own layer. I didn’t used to do this, I used to use the colored light as one of my highlight colors. But the truth is that most objects are shaded by more than one light source, and so I’ve decided to do all the shading as white light and then the green (which will eventually be from some kind of green magic.) is on a different layer. My reasoning for this is that it helps keep the integrity of the shading and it prevents the colors from bending too much and getting muddy. So if I add a green highlight and I don’t like it then it’s easy to remove. I don’t have a highlight and shading that’s now ruined by green because I’ve been using light flow brushes. So colored light on its own layer. How much of a highlight you give it entirely depends on how strong your light sources is and whatnot. So far I’m satisfied with just hitting the high points, but I may change that later on.

When you’re done painting the area, go ahead and erase all of the excess paint around the edges of it and clean it up. I like to leave the black outline as part of the image, but if you don’t want to do that you should turn it on and off as necessary while painting so you can make sure to fill in gaps and get clean lines between the areas of color.

So if you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading my ramble. :)

#art #images #painting #digital art #digital painting #method #how to #reference image #sketchbook #ipad painting #ipad #hobbies #drawing #art help

8 notes · View notes

katewillaert · 5 years ago

Photo

My Secret Origin (Part 1): How To Fail At Comics

[Above: Art from 20 years ago, when I was in High School.]

What do you want to be when you grow up?

When I was four I said “mad scientist.” It was 1987 and I was a big fan of The Real Ghostbusters and Doc Brown. My mom insisted “mad scientist” wasn’t a profession. And weren’t those characters are inventors? What did I want to invent?

Clearly I hadn’t thought this through.

My mom also informed me that all those cartoons I watch were made by people. Those were drawings, and there are people whose job it was to draw those.

This blew my mind. From that point on I decided I was going to be an animator.

Discovering Art

I don’t remember when I first started drawing. It seems like something I always did growing up. As far as my memory is concerned, I came out of the womb holding a pencil and began drawing before I said my first words.

In reality, I probably started in preschool when I was four, just before I discovered what an animator was. I remember my favorite subject to draw was the Ecto-1 from Ghostbusters. I must’ve drawn it something like 10 or 20 times.

My mom kept almost all of my childhood art, so in theory I could figure out when I started drawing from that...except the earliest drawings were ruined when the basement flooded.

After the flooding, my mom was condensing what was left, and I saw something surprising: a box filled with Ecto-1 drawings. I hadn’t drawn it 10 or 20 times, I’d drawn it 100 or 200 times. Repetitively, over and over, without consciously thinking about what I was doing.

It was practice without realizing I was practicing. I guess that’s how my art “leveled up” so quickly?

Later I discovered other details about my early development. There was a time around age 2 where I stopped talking. There were times when I liked to line up toys. My obsession before art was Legos, building complex shapes and stairs.

Today these might be recognized as possible indicators of autism, but this was the ‘80s.

Because I was shy and lacking in social skills, a teacher suggested to my parents that I might benefit from being held back a grade. I had a summer birthday, so holding me back would make me one of the oldest rather than the youngest.

Thankfully my parents didn’t take that advice. I would’ve been miserable. Despite being the youngest in my class, I surpassed everyone in terms of scores. A CAT test says I scored “higher than 99% of all 3rd grade student in the nation in total language.” 91% in reading. 90% in math. My reading comprehension was 98% in the nation, but was brought down by my reading vocabulary which was only 72%.

Yet this new information called into question a things about myself I’d never considered. Maybe certain things suddenly made more sense? In particular, the way I don’t have interests so much as obsessions. Any time I take an interest in a topic, it leads to an obsessive amount of research.

Discovering Comics

I think the first comic I ever saw was a Chick Tract some kid showed me in Sunday School. He was surprised I’d never seen one. It must’ve hadan impact on me, because I attempted to draw a tract-style comic starring C.O.P.S. (“Fighting Crime In A Future Time”).

I didn’t discover REAL comic books until a few years later. In 1991, Terminator 2: Judgement Day marketing was in full force and I thought it looked so cool. But it was Rated R, and I was only seven. My mom spotted a couple issues of a Marvel comic adaptation (drawn by Klaus Janson), and I guess that was the compromise until it was out on video.

I attempted to illustrate a comic imitating Janson’s cram-packed panel-per-page ratio. It was an epic crossover where Michael Keaton Batman encounters a Delorean driven by a T-1000, then the Ninja Turtles show up, and maybe the Ghostbusters? I knew how to introduce characters but not how to finish a story.

At this point I was still imagining becoming an animator, even though I barely knew anything about what it involved beyond some flip books I’d done. But all that changed when I discovered the X-Men.

X-Men and Batman: The Animated Series both debuted on FOX during the fall of 1992. I was a huge fan of the Tim Burton Batman movies and I’d seen every episode of the ‘60s show when it was revived in reruns, but I didn’t know the comics existed? I didn’t even know where to find comics.

My brother and I were both really into this new X-Men thing, and my brother was given a set of X-Men comics for his birthday. I borrowed them of course, and wanted to see how the story continued. My mom showed us a book store in the mall that had comics, and then we discovered the local comic store. That started my monthly addiction.

Now age 10, I decided I no longer wanted to be an animator. Comics were my true calling. And my dream was to break in at age 16.

Learning Comics

Age 11: I went from reading just Uncanny X-Men to buying the entire X-line, thanks to and event called Age Of Apocalypse.

Age 12: I started buying Wizard magazine. The first two issues I bought included life-changing information, like that you get hired by building a portfolio and showing it to editors. There was industry news, and art tutorials by Greg Capullo. I added the magazine to my monthly buy list. An X-Men 30th anniversary special gave me the entire history of the characters, and a run-down of the key artists and writers with examples of their work. It was like a Rosetta Stone before Wikipedia.

Age 13: I started buying most of Marvel’s output thanks to an event called Heroes Reborn. I never got into the Batbooks, I guess because the art didn’t look as cool? Comics contained ads for the Joe Kubert School, which became my backup plan if I didn’t break into comics on my own. I also discovered the internet around this time.

Age 14: My first year of high school. I spent every lunch hour in the library browsing the internet, since we didn’t have a computer at home yet. I discovered several comic art forums where pros and amateurs traded tips. During the summer I attended a week long art session taught at a local college by a professor who grew up on ‘60s Marvel. There I learned I’d been using paper that was much too thin to ink on, and I learned about the importance of Jack Kirby.

Age 15: I started buying Comic Book Artist magazine. I thought it’d be about drawing tips, but instead it was filled with fascinating comics history, which became an obsession of its own.

Age 16: A year of disappointment. I knew I wasn’t at the level I needed to be to get pro work, but wasn’t sure how to get to the next level. Nowadays there are all sorts of resources I could’ve used, but back then there was no Youtube, no social media, and few books about the craft of comics.

I was now certain the Joe Kubert School was the way to go.

Changing Plans

My family took a trip to Dover, NJ to visit the Joe Kubert School campus, and it was pretty disappointing. The town didn’t feel super friendly, and the school wasn’t accredited, which raised issues in regards to getting student aid. Plus the idea of spending so much money on a non-degree.

The guy showing me around tried to sell me by pointing out that comic companies don’t care about whether you went to college, they just want to see the portfolio.

I took this to heart and decided not to go to college. I was pretty crushed at first, because I’d had this dream plan for so long, and now I was plan-less. But eventually a new plan began to form.

It was time to start doing conventions.

A startup called CrossGen had a sample script and were taking submissions at SDCC 2000, so I went there. I still felt like my work wasn’t quite ready for prime time, but i was worth a shot.

And nothing came of it, other than a cool Crossgen rejection letter in a box somewhere. None of the other publishers could be bothered to even send that.

In hindsight, I was trying to enter at maybe the worst possible time in comics history. When I first started reading comics, they were at their peak during a boom period. When the bubble burst, the industry experienced year-over-year plummeting sales with no bottom in sight. No one was hiring.

But I kept at it, hoping for a lucky break. Top Cow was impressed that I did backgrounds (lol), and suggested I send in “background samples,” but I didn’t want to go down that route. But maybe that’s what a lucky break looks like? (On the other hand, many aspiring pencillers who start as inkers or colorists get stuck there.)

The next summer I went to Chicago with a Marvel sample script. I’d just graduated from high school, so I was really hoping. This time I got a critique from an editor who had actual advice to offer, and I learned a few things. But still no one was hiring.

I thought if I just stayed home and worked on art for a year, I’d eventually come up with pages so impressive that they’d HAVE to hire me. And if it didn’t work out after a year, I’d start looking for a college.

But now I was struggling with a new problem. I suddenly hated my art. I’d heard about a few professional artists who didn’t like looking at their own art, but I was certain this was different. After all, they’re actually good.

The year passed and I accomplished nothing. Based on things I’d heard, I was nervous that college might actually price me out of comics entirely. But I didn’t know that for sure, and I was super inexperienced when it came to money, since I’d never lived on my own before.

But I kept hearing how so many people have gone to college and they all turned out okay (this was before social media and before student debt became a crisis). I was clearly having trouble moving forward on my own, and Youtube still didn’t exist, so what choice did I have?

Choosing Schools

There were only a few colleges with comic art programs back then (maybe three total?), but one of them just happened to be over here in Minnesota. Art school appealed to me because all the classes were art-focused, so I wouldn’t have to waste my time with math and other BS.

And as I humble-bragged earlier, I’m good at math. But I hated it. At one point some kids from Math League asked if I’d join the team. “‘MATH LEAGUE?’ You mean you do math for FUN??”

I hated math so much, I took harder, accelerated math courses via a local college, just so I could finish math early and spend my last years of high school wonderfully mathless. If there’d been a similar way to graduate from high school earlier, I would’ve taken it. When I realized we were all graduating regardless of how much work we put in, I stopped caring so much about grades and let an occasional B+ slip in.

When I would see classmates busy studying for their SATs or ACTs, I was so glad I didn’t have to bother with that.

But the joke was on me. Because this art school didn’t just require a portfolio review (which I was more than ready for). It also wanted ACT test results.

I remember wondering if I should study before I take it, since everyone took it so seriously in high school. But I didn’t even know how to study. It’s not a skill I’d learned, because I never needed to. So I decided to wing it.

You’ll hate me, but without studying I scored in the top 96% for English, the top 94% for Reading, the top 96% for Science...but only top 87% for Math, because I hadn’t taken a math class in three years. That brought my total down 90%..

(Later, I had to learn to study in order to pass some horrifically-taught art history classes. That teacher made me hate art history, which is ironic given how much of my own writing is focused on history.)

So I got into the school, only to discover that even structured teaching wasn’t going to solve my new art problem. During my first year I told my mom that I don’t enjoy art anymore, and she thought it might be depression. I mean, that’s plausible, losing interest in your passions?

In hindsight, I now have enough experience with real depression that I can definitively say it wasn’t that. I mean, I was occasionally depressed back then, but hating my art was unrelated. It took me years to figure out the actual problem.

Dunning Kruger

The Dunning-Kruger Effect is named after a study which found that:

1) People who aren’t knowledgeable about a skill tend to think they’re better at it than they are, because they don’t know enough to know what they don’t know.

2) Conversely, people who ARE knowledgeable about a skill tend to think they’re worse at it than they are.

My problem went one level deeper. I’d learned a shit ton about every skill related to comic art, but I hadn’t put in as much time actually practicing. And now practicing was tough, because I was hyper-aware of how bad every line was as I laid it down.

In other words, the exact reverse of when I was four and drew repetitively on auto-pilot. Back then I was oblivious that I was practicing anything at all. Now I had the benefit and detriment of a critical mind.

But this realization came later. At the time I was just miserable and didn’t know what was wrong with me.

Halfway through art school, I realized I’d likely already priced myself out of comics, and I needed a real degree that would function back-up plan. So I switched majors. Instead of a Comics major filling my electives with design classes, I became a Design major filling my electives with comics classes.

In order to change my major, I had to explain it to the head of the school. This was awkward because it partly involved explaining how the comics industry worked, and he didn’t want to believe it. He told me I was being cynical.

I tried doing comic samples one last time after college, for a convention in 2006, but couldn’t even finish a page. Then sometime around 2008, I gave up drawing entirely.

How I got started again is another story.

You can also find me on:

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/katewillaert/?hl=en

Twitter - https://twitter.com/katewillaert

Art Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/katewillaert

History Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/acriticalhit

#comics #comic art #x-men #marvel comics

11 notes · View notes

allhailkingrooker51 · 6 years ago

Text

So, there’s this guy...

that y’all may know that I’m freakin’ madly in love with. He goes by the name Michael Rooker. 😜 I finally got to meet him. Here’s my story...*Law & Order noise*

Fandemic Houston Day 1 - September 14, 2018

My alarm went off at 7:30 a.m. I was already awake though. I had hardly slept at all. I had hardly slept the last two months for that matter as September 14th got closer. I couldn’t remember ever being this excited for anything in my entire life. This was going to be the best weekend ever.

I jumped out of bed, got ready, and packed the car, mostly with Rooker memorabilia. I hadn’t officially decided what all I wanted him to autograph yet so I brought a little of everything – some of my Rooker Funkos, all my Yondu, Merle, and Chick Gandil trading cards, and my all-time favorite Rooker picture printed out as an 8X10. I mapped out the directions to the NRG Center on my phone and swung by to pick up my best friend who I’ve known since kindergarten. After a little detour to Chick-fil-a to get some breakfast, we were on our way to Fandemic Houston.

My friend doesn’t know much about Rooker. As far as his movies, she had only seen Vol. 1 and Vol. 2. I had sent her various Rooker videos on YouTube, though, for her to watch as “homework” like the Into the Night doc with James Gunn and the Inside of You podcast with Michael Rosenbaum. The whole way down to Houston, I told her as many Rooker stories as I could think of. She had a lot of catching up to do before she met the greatest person on this planet.

Things were going great. We were making good time on the road. My friend seemed entertained with the Doug Loves Movies podcast with the cast of Super, including Rooker and the Gunn Bros., that I was forcing her to listen to. Then things suddenly changed.

I had been having bad feelings about this trip even months before. Meeting Michael Rooker would be my biggest dream come true, but every time I paid for something for Fandemic, whether it was the hotel or Rooker VIPs or Sean Gunn's autograph, I was just waiting for the ball to drop and I wouldn’t be able to go. I never really get to do anything fun ever, and in the back of my mind, something was going to go wrong. Something always does. And something did.

We were cruising down interstate about an hour outside of Houston. It began to rain. No big deal. I turned on the windshield wipers, and we continued laughing with the podcast on the radio. Then I noticed the passenger side windshield wiper was doing this little fish-tailing action every time it went across the windshield. I had just had new windshield wipers installed two days earlier, but I hadn’t had to use them yet, and I thought, “You know, that doesn’t look right.”

Then I noticed the one in front of me started to do the same thing. Just as I opened my mouth to tell my friend there's something wrong with the windshield wipers, the rain started coming down like a monsoon and both wipers flew off my car with an almost comical synchronized whoosh.

Well, fuck.

Somehow, by the grace of God, I was able to cross over two lanes of busy interstate to the shoulder without causing a 15-car pileup. Once the mini panic attack of trying to safely get to the side of the road subsided and after I dropped a plethora of choice curse words, I turned on my hazards and began to think. What the hell are we gonna do?

It was raining fucking cats and dogs, and I couldn’t see shit. Think! Plan B. Plan B. Wait, what was plan B? I wasn’t expecting this. We didn’t even have a plan B.

Should we just wait out the rain for a bit? Maybe it would stop soon. But I had already checked the weather earlier, and it was supposed to rain all day.

This can’t be happening. The greatest day of my life and I’m stranded on the interstate in a deluge with no windshield wipers three and a half hours away from home. And to top it all off, I have a pre-purchased Sean Gunn/Rooker photo op in a few hours that I couldn’t miss. This was not good.

We sat there for a few minutes hoping the rain would subside enough for me to at least get us off the highway. We started googling the nearest auto parts store while we waited. There was one less than a mile away.

Vehicles were flying past me in a blur, and the fear of someone plowing into the back of my car took over. I knew we had to get off the interstate as soon as possible. Luckily an exit was about 50 feet away, and I had to try for it. With the rain letting up just a tad, and with my friend looking out the passenger side window and guiding me along the edge of the asphalt, I managed to creep off the interstate shoulder going about three miles per hour onto the service road. I could still barely see, but I felt a little more relieved being off the interstate.

The rain kept coming. My view through the windshield looked the exact same as when I don’t have my contacts in. Everything was blurry as shit. I continued my snail-like pace, my eyes concentrating simultaneously on the taillights of the cars ahead of me and the fuzzy, white dashes of the lane to my near left.

I crept through the next red light and made a left. Not far down the road, there it was. We had made it. I had never been so happy to see an Autozone in my entire fucking life. We went inside, explained what had happened, bought two new windshield wipers, this time properly installed, and once again we were on our way.

It stopped raining about 20 minutes later.

Looking back now, the whole situation was funny as hell.

Despite our little automotive dilemma, we still got to the NRG Center 15 minutes before Fandemic started. I parked the car, turned off the ignition, and checked in with my Rooker Hooker friends online to let them know I made it. Then I sat frozen in my seat.

“I don’t think I can do this,” I told my friend. My nerves were getting the best of me. She assured me that I could, in fact, do this. I had to do this. I’m so glad she went with me. I knew she wouldn’t let me back out of anything. I made sure I had my things, took a deep breath and forced myself to get out of the car.

We made it inside the convention center, and a woman in a red Fandemic shirt directed us to the VIP ticket window. (Every staff member we came across at Fandemic was absolutely awesome, by the way. Even the C.E.O. was greeting every guest with a handshake and a hello as you entered through security.)

I went up to the window and handed over my paper tickets to exchange for our Rooker VIP badges. While the worker scanned the tickets, I looked behind her to the table along the back wall. It was covered from one end to the other with plastic bins. Each bin was labeled by name and full of red VIP lanyards for each corresponding celebrity – Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Norman Reedus, Bruce Campbell, Tom Welling, etc.

The lady finished scanning my tickets and turned to get our VIP badges from the bins. Only there wasn’t a bin for Rooker. She couldn’t find them. I started to panic a little inside. I mean it’s obvious I bought them. I had the paper tickets as proof. They were in her hand for Pete’s sake. She looked down at the paper again and walked the length of the table for the second time. Still no luck. I really started to worry. Of course, my initial thought is the ball is dropping again. First my windshield wipers, and now this.

I couldn't hear what she was saying behind the window, but her mouth was moving as I watched her hand my paper over to another worker. This worker checked the paper, and they both walked over towards the middle of the table. There laying between two bins was a little Ziploc bag with Rooker’s name on it with maybe four or five VIP badges in it. I turned to my friend, who had been out of eyesight of what just happened, stuck out my bottom lip and said, “Awww, my poor baby. He only has a Ziploc bag of VIPs, and we have two of ‘em.” I don’t know why, but it made me love him even more.

After a bag check and a wanding from security, we finally made it onto the convention floor. I was one giant walking ball of nerves as we went through those doors. I was in the same room as Michael Rooker! On one hand, I couldn’t wait to see him. On the other, I was afraid I was gonna faint and fall out on the floor right in front of all the Deadpools and Negans and Harley Quinns.

We decided to bypass the vendors and headed straight to the autograph booths. Granted we were still a little early, so none of the celebs had made it to their tables yet. Rooker’s booth was already filling up. There were about 20 people or so already waiting. My friend asked if I wanted to go ahead and get in line. I couldn’t. My feet wouldn’t move. I wasn’t ready. I had to see him first. From afar. Then maybe I’d get the courage to go talk to him.

The whole time things were going down, I was checking in with my Rooker friends online, giving them play-by-plays of what was happening and taking their encouragement to heart. I was gonna need it all.

My friend and I decided to walk around a little more and found ourselves standing near the back row of the autograph tables. That’s when I saw celebs start to trickle through the curtain in the corner and head to their booths.

Every time those red and black curtains moved, my heart stopped thinking it would be him. Sean Gunn and Chris Sullivan came out together. There went Sean Patrick Flanery. And then Bruce Campbell. I knew Rooker couldn’t be far behind.

Minutes later, the curtains moved once more, and there he was. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as he walked the floor in front of me. He wore his black leather jacket and blue sunglasses, a white v-neck t-shirt, his newest Penman hat and a giant smile on his face. Somehow, I managed to stop my hands from shaking to take a few pics before he disappeared into his booth, his boisterous voice loud as he greeted his awaiting fans.

After my heart rate returned to a somewhat normal rhythm, we walked around towards the front of his booth. We looked on from a distance as I stood there silently building up my confidence to go get in his line. I told my online Rooker friends that I wasn’t sure I could do this. They again told me I could. I loved him too much not to, they said. And they were right.

I knew I needed to go get in line, but I just couldn’t take that first step. But I had to do it. I had come too far, and I had too many cool things to show him rather than stand there and stare at him like a creeper. I had to jump off that cliff. Take that plunge. Just like ripping a Band-Aid off with the sweetest reward waiting for me right after.

One of the Fandemic workers near his booth was walking around with an inflatable pickle. He told her he wanted to sign it. He autographed the pickle, and as she walked away, he yelled out to her, “Don’t touch it for a little while. It’s still wet!” He knew exactly what he was doing, too. He laughed and then did that little shit-eating grin while biting his tongue. Y’all know which one I’m talking about. Watching him laughing and joking around with everyone started to put my mind at ease. This is Rooker we’re talking about. I’m gonna be fine. So, I did it. I put my big kid pants on and got in line.

The line was moving fairly quickly, but I made sure to sneak some more pics while I waited. I still couldn’t believe this was all real. Seeing him right there, mere feet away from me. Hearing that raspy voice in person. It was almost too much.

When I got about eight people away, I pulled out his headshots from my bag. I have several of Rooker’s old original headshots and resumes, and I couldn’t wait to see what his reaction was.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I was still a nervous wreck. A million things raced through my brain. What if I can’t talk when I get up there? What if he doesn’t like me? What if he thinks I’m weird? Even worse, what if he thinks I’m a batshit crazy stalker ‘cause I have his old headshots?

Then the weirdest thing happened. The closer I got to him, the less nervous I became. By the time I made it in front of him at that table, it was like I was about to say “hey” to an old friend. All the butterflies had flown away.

One of his helpers had already taken the headshot from me that I wanted Rooker to autograph to keep the line running smoothly. He handed it to Rooker and said, “Ohh, this is an oldie.”

Rooker greeted us as he took the headshot and he was like “Whoaaa” and smiled really big as I showed him the others. He got a kick out of them! He grabbed the oldest headshot, which was his first one, his hair super curly, and called over Sean Gunn and Chris Sullivan, who immediately left their tables to see what was going on. They both promptly busted out laughing when Rooker showed them. They cracked some jokes together and then Rooker said, “That was my first headshot, this is my last.” He walked over to me and showed me a pic of himself wearing no hat with his hair a FREAKIN’ mess on what I believe was Sean’s phone maybe, which in turn made him laugh even harder.

He walked back over to Sean and Sully, where Sully had since pulled up his own old headshot on his phone. Rooker busted out laughing again, and they compared their curly hair and then showed all the people in line their “white men afros” as Rooker put it.

The whole time I felt like I was in a dream watching this all take place. I mean I figured Rooker would think it was pretty cool seeing his old headshots and resumes, but I never thought it would have caused all this.

He came back over to me and thanked me for bringing the headshots and picked up a blue marker to sign the one I had picked out for his autograph.

Up until then, had that been the end of our interaction, I would have walked away from his table completely ecstatic. At that moment, I could have officially died happy. But it wasn’t over yet.

As he was signing the headshot, I told him that I had something to show him and to pick an arm. He looked a little perplexed and said, “Ummmm...your left.”

I sheepishly lifted up my shirt sleeve to show him my portrait tattoo of one of his Skillset magazine pictures. He said, “OMG.....you know what that’s from, right?” I kind of laughed and said, “Well, yeah.” He said, “That’s from my Skillset!” Then, I lifted up my right shirt sleeve to reveal my other Rooker portrait tattoo, this one a bald, serious-faced shot. He glanced at it really quick and said, “Oh yeah, Thanos, very cool.”

I laughed and said, “It’s not Thanos, it’s you!” I had to catch myself before I affectionately called him a dork at the end of that sentence. He said, “What?! Lemme see it again!” I lifted my sleeve, and he said again that it looks like Thanos, totally fucking with me. I said, “It’s not Thanos! Why would I have Thanos? You’re way hotter than Thanos!” He chuckled and said “Well, yeah, I’m hotter than Thanos! Fine, it’s a sexy Thanos.”

He then walked around his table, grabbed my shoulders, spun me around, yanked my shirt sleeve back up and proceeded to ask the crowd, very loudly I might add, if my tattoo looked like “Sexy Thanos” all the while laughing his ass off. Of course, the crowd agreed with him.

I didn’t even have time to think about being embarrassed. The next I thing knew, he turned back to me, smiled a huge Rooker smile, said I was awesome and reached out and caressed my face. I about passed out.

Rooker went back around his table to the headshots and started talking about his resumes stapled to the back. We talked for a couple of minutes trying to figure out the timeline of the headshots vs. the resumes vs. the talent agency he was with at the time.

The whole time he talked, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. The way he smiled and chomped his gum, his eyes behind his blue sunglasses, his curls thick under his hat, his sexy voice, his chest hair poking out of the collar of his shirt. He is absolutely hypnotic. I was in heaven, y’all.

He grabbed the curly-haired headshot, smiled and said, “You know what? Just ‘cause you’re you, I’m gonna sign this one, too. It’s a 2-for-1 Rooker deal.” I, of course, was over the moon.

He signed it with the same blue marker and gave me a fist bump. I told him thank you and that I would see him tomorrow and that I had something even cooler for him to sign. He said, “Alright!”

I walked away on Cloud 9. Michael Rooker touched my face! I was freaking out. I couldn’t have asked for a better first meeting with Rooker.

A little while later, we were standing in line for the Rooker/Sean Gunn photo op when I realized that in the headshot/tattoo craziness earlier, I had forgotten to give Rooker the t-shirt I had brought as a gift for him. I wasn’t mad at myself, though. That just meant I got to go see him again.

When it came time for the photo op, Rooker came strutting over from his booth, grinning while biting his tongue in his teeth again. The whole weekend I never saw the man without a smile on his face.

For those of you who've never been to a comic con before, the photo ops go by fast. Like insanely fast. They shuffle you quickly into the booth, you stand next to the celeb, the photographer snaps the picture, and then you're shuffled back out just as fast as you came in.

Now don’t take this the wrong way. I'm not knocking the process by any means. It's completely understandable. There are literally hundreds of fans of many fandoms that they’re trying to accommodate. But just because it goes fast, doesn’t mean you won’t have a memorable experience.

The Gunn/Rooker photo op was my very first one of the weekend. When I got behind the curtain, Rooker immediately grabbed my arm, and pulled me between Sean and himself with a hearty “Get over here, woman!” I put my arms around them both, the photo was snapped, Rooker smiled really big and said “Thank you, sweetheart” as I walked away, him keeping his hand on my back ‘til I was out of his arm's reach.

The whole thing couldn’t have lasted for more than 45 seconds or so. But I didn’t care. Sean’s arm had been around my shoulder! I had touched the Rooker leather jacket! Rooker called me “sweetheart"! He touched my back! I was close enough to smell his minty-gum fresh breath! The Rooker legend that he smells of mint and leather is true! I couldn’t wait to do more ops with him.

After the photo ops, we headed over to the concession stand. We hadn’t gotten a chance to eat lunch, and we were starving. We got a little something to tide us over until dinner and went and sat down at a table in the little VIP reserved section. Not five minutes later, my phone went off with my Merle Dixon notification sound. It was an Instagram alert. ROOKER WAS LIVE!

I’ve seen a lot of Rooker Instagram live videos from cons before, but to see one in the making? No way I was gonna miss this! We jumped up, grabbed our stuff, and were off on the hunt for him. With the help of the Rooker Hookers directing me where to go, it didn’t take long to find him.

For nearly 30 minutes, we followed him from a distance watching him visit vendor booths, stop to play in the Batmobile and interact with fans, ending with a giant selfie back at his booth.

After the excitement of him Instagramming live died down and his line cleared a little, I decided to go give him his t-shirt. The lady taking the money at his booth, who was super freakin’ nice by the way and who would come to know us quite well by the end of the weekend, greeted us again with a smile.

I walked up to him at his table and said, “I'm back, Rooker!" He said, “Hey, Sexy!” Rooker called me sexy. I mean I'm totally not, but.. anyways. I only hoped my face wasn't as red as it felt. I said, “I forgot to give you this earlier,” and I handed him his shirt. I told him where I was from as he unfolded the shirt and spread it out on the table. One of my favorite things about Rooker is that he supports first responders and the armed forces. Without going into too many details, I gave him a fire department shirt from my hometown, where he's filmed a couple of things and has visited even when not filming. He said he loved my hometown and I explained to him that my stepdad is a police officer, and he had actually met Rooker years before on the set of one of his tv projects. I told him that my mom is a 911 dispatcher for the fire department where the shirt was from and that I had tried to get him a police department shirt, too, but I couldn’t get one in time.

He said he loved the shirt and we talked a couple more minutes and he told me to tell my parents thank you for all that they do. Then he said, “You know what? You get a selfie!” He came around his booth, stood right next to me, and held his shirt out while my friend snapped some pics. Again, I was over the moon. I had already gotten an extra autograph earlier, and now Rooker was breaking his rule about “No selfies" at his table. He then shook my hand and said thank you again and I told him I'd see him tomorrow. You couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

Like Rooker's old headshots, I also had one of Sean Gunn and Jeffrey Dean Morgan. I had planned on getting Sean's autograph on Saturday, but since Rooker’s headshots had gone over so well earlier, I decided to go ahead and show Sean's to him then. After running back out to the car to get his headshot, we were off to see Seanie.

There wasn’t anyone at his table when we got back so I went right up to him with no hesitation, which was strange for me. I hadn’t talked to Sean yet, and I figured I would be extremely nervous. But just like Rooker, I was completely calm around Sean. They all really do treat you like old friends.

When I handed Sean the headshot, he got all excited, too. Sully came over to look at it and busted out laughing and cracked some jokes about Sean's shirt. Sean then hollered over at Rooker and held it up so Rooker could see. Rooker said, “OMG! You got one, too?!” Sean talked to me a little about his resume, too, and then asked if he could take a picture of it with his phone. Of course, I was like “Absolutely!” After he got his picture of his headshot, he came around the table and took some selfies with me. I then pulled out my phone and showed him my dog dressed as James Gunn from Halloween last year. I asked him if remembered Gunn sharing the picture, but he didn’t. I showed him my other dog dressed as Kraglin, too. He loved it! Especially his little mohawk.

We talked some more, and he kept saying how cool his headshot was and asked if I wanted him to sign it. He ended up signing it “To my friend, *my name*, I ❤️this! Sean Gunn”. Sean was an absolute sweetheart and I love him and I hope I get to see him again someday!

Chris Sullivan’s table was next. I hadn’t really budgeted in anything for Sully, but he was only charging 30$ for a selfie, and I thought “Hey, you only live once.” I’m so glad I did. Sully was a complete teddy bear! He was so sweet! And talllll!

We walked over, and I apologized for not having a headshot for him to sign. He laughed and showed us his headshot on his phone again. Then he realized he hadn’t introduced himself and stuck out his hand and said, “Hi, I’m Chris.” I shook his hand and told him my name, and then my friend did the same. My friend and I have the same name only with different spellings. Once introductions were made, Sully spent the next few minutes hilariously trying to figure out the correct spelling of my name. He never did get it right. I haven’t really seen a lot of Sully's roles, but he gained a lifelong fan that day.

After meeting Sean and Sully, we decided to call it a day. I couldn’t wait to see what day two had in store.

Fandemic Houston Day 2 – September 15, 2018

Just like the morning before, I was already awake when my alarm went off. I had a reeeeally cool thing to show Rooker, and the anticipation was damn near killing me.

We had to get to the convention center fairly early that morning. Rooker's panel was at 11:30 a.m., and I was hoping to get to visit him before his panel started. When we got to his booth, however, he wasn't scheduled to be at his table until after his panel. So, we just walked around a little until it was time to go upstairs to the panel room.

With our Rooker VIPs, we got really good seats at his panel. We were close to the stage, even though I knew he wouldn't be up there long.

While we waited for his panel to start, I was in a bit of a panic. If you’ve ever seen or been to a con panel, you know that usually the Q&A session is done by fans lining up at a microphone to ask their questions to the celebs on stage. If you’ve ever seen or been to a Rooker panel, you know he doesn’t play by those rules. He comes to you, whether you have a question or not! I was sitting on the end of the aisle, a prime position for Rooker to stop and talk to me during the Q&A. And I had no idea what I would ask him if he did.

I checked in with the Rooker Hookers online and asked them for any help they could give me to come up with a good question. It wasn't that I was nervous to ask Rooker a question, it was just I didn’t want to ask him one in front of all these people. If I was prepared, I wouldn’t be as embarrassed.

The Rooker Hookers all had really good suggestions, but some of them involving Rooker removing various articles of clothing, propositions more suited for an “after-dark" kind of Q&A. I love those guys. That's another one of my favorite things about Rooker. Being a part of his fandom has brought me together with people literally all over the world via Tumblr and Facebook. And everyone I’ve met has been awesome. And a special shout out to the Rooker Hookers for making me laugh over and over again, understanding my complete and utter Rooker obsession, for accepting me for who I am and being there for me even when we’re not talking about Rooker. I’m proud to call them my friends.

Rooker's panel was awesome as I knew it would be. He talked a lot about Henry and Merle. He ran around the audience answering questions about Yondu and Mallrats and flexed his biceps and even sang a little. My favorite, though, were his stories of what he was like as a kid and growing up in Chicago. At the end of his panel, he broke the rules once again and threw Hershey Kisses out to the audience after the powers that be told him not to throw anything. They shoulda known Rooker plays by his own rules. He is a livewire and an endless fireball of energy. He’s an absolute riot, and I'm so thankful I got to witness him in action at a panel.

When the panel was over and once we made it back through the security checkpoint, we headed back to Rooker's booth. I was so freaking excited to show him what I was holding in my hands.

His helper said hello and hole-punched my VIP lanyard for another autograph. I walked up to Rooker and said, “I'm back, Rooker, look what I got.” I sat down his screen worn Bud Melks orange coveralls from The Belko Experiment on the table. He said, “Oh, honey, let me sign those for you.” He didn’t realize they were his. I said, “These are the ones you wore in the movie.”

“These are the ones I wore in the movie?” He seemed genuinely surprised. I told him yep and showed him the little nametag on the inside collar that read “Bud 2”. He said, “Omg, that’s so cool, where did you get these?” I explained to him where I got them and that it also came with his t-shirt, jeans, and boots, too. He asked if I wanted him to sign them. I did, but it would be even better if I got him to put them on.

“Yeah, if you want to. Orrrr, you could cosplay as Bud today,” I joked.

He chuckled. “I could cosplay as Bud today? Ommgg. Yeah, I could. Or you could cosplay as Bud.”

I shook my head no and grinned. “Nooo, I don’t cosplay,” I replied. (I’m waaay too shy and self-conscious to cosplay.)

He leaned back on his stool, threw his head back and laughed. Rooker's laugh is one of my favorite things on this planet. And making him laugh was one of the greatest feelings in the world.

About that time, Sean's helper came over and took a picture of Rooker holding the coveralls up. She thought they were really cool, too. Rooker asked her, “Where's, Sean? He's gotta see these.” But Sean was still in the green room.

The coveralls have a huge rip on the backside so of course I had to know why. I was kidding around with Rooker and asked him, “What did you to ‘em?” He said, “Let's see,” as he unfolded them.

When he found the rip, he said, “Oh, oh, I squatted, and they ripped. Yeah, I squatted down, and they ripped. Like, when I was squatting down doing the door, they ripped. My whole bottom ripped out. And I was like, ‘Thank God the camera was on my face ‘cause if it was on my ass end my underwears would be showing.” We all burst into laughter.

We chatted a little bit more and he asked me again if I wanted him to sign them. I told him, “If you want to, yeah.”

“Where do you want me to put it? I’m gonna sign ‘em for you. You don’t have to pay, ok?”

I told him that I had already paid, though. He said, ”Oh, it was part of your VIP?” We then decided the best place for him to sign the coveralls was on the front pocket. He signed his name and said, “Bud, right?” I told him yes it was Bud, and he wrote Bud under his signature. Then he asked his helper to hand him the 8X10 of Bud he had available for autographs.

“Do we have one? Gimme that photo of Belko. I’m gonna give her a photo with this. This totally deserves a photo with this."

He took the photo and started signing his name.

“Here, all yours, baby. Here, I'm gonna put it like this.” He signed the pocket on Bud's coveralls in the picture the same exact way he signed the coveralls. He then held the picture next to the coveralls and said, “There, looks just like it." He busted out laughing and said, “That's for you. Thank you, honey. Oh my goodness.” He threw his hand up for a high-five. I thanked him and high-fived him back.

Trust me, I was elated for the handshakes and high-fives so far. (His hands are so soft by the way). But I was itching to get a hug. I didn’t know how many more chances I would get so I decided to just go for it. “Can I get a hug, Rooker? I gotta get a famous Rooker hug.” He hollered, “Get over here woman! Get over here! Give me a big hug, love.”

I walked behind his table and gave him a big hug and told him I'd see him later. He grabbed my hand as I walked away and said, “You're awesome, honey!” He didn’t let go of my hand as I told him that he makes me forget things and that I had another present for him but I had forgotten it in my car. He laughed and then he caught my friend recording the whole thing on her phone. He grinned and said, “Heyyyy, no video…” Busted. But he didn’t care.

After leaving Rooker, we had just enough time to scarf down some lunch and then head to Sean and Sully’s panel. When the panel started, the doors opened and there they were waiting on the other side. They had stolen a golf cart and hilariously failed at trying to drive it into the room for their grand entrance. So, Sully simply threw the golf cart in reverse, they both said “byyyyye” and he drove back down the hallway. A few seconds later they both came back in the room, Sully at a sprint which carried him around the entire audience and Sean walking slowly behind to the stage, announcing he was too old to run. Sully ended his dash with a Rooker-esque roll onto the stage, stood up and took a bow.

Their panel was amazing, too. They were both so, so funny. They talked a lot about Guardians and even threw in the story about Rooker mooning Dave and Pom on set, which led Sully into a comical conversation about mooning in general. They made me laugh so freakin’ hard. If you ever get the chance, definitely go to their panels. You won’t be disappointed.

We had planned on going to the Smallville panel a little later, but the line getting in the room was insane. I used to watch Smallville back in the day, but I had no idea how huge the fandom still is. It was pretty impressive. Because of the crowd, we decided to skip the panel and go see Rooker again.

We ran out to the car to get Rooker’s gift and then headed to his booth. I also made sure to bring the Belko coveralls again so Rooker could show Sean. I guess everyone was at the Smallville panel because the con floor was pretty empty. I was kind of glad. Hopefully, that meant I’d get to talk to Rooker for a good bit of time.

When we got there, his helper laughed and said, “You’re back, again? And with another gift?” I smiled and said yes. She joked, “You gotta stop buying him shit. He’s doing alright, you know.” I joked back, “I know, but I love him.” She understood though. I mean how can you not love Rooker?

About that time the fan talking with Rooker walked away, and I stepped up to him at the table. His helper announced to him, “She's back with another gift. She's like your sugar mama.” Rooker grinned that sexy Rooker grin and said, “Hey, Sugar Mama!” I joked, “Yeah, I’ll be your sugar mama. What you want? Anything? You need some more coffee? I’ll go get you some coffee.” He busted out laughing, and I handed him his gift.

I had gotten him a blue shot glass made from a 30mm shell casing that had been shot from an A-10 Warthog plane. I had it engraved with Michael “Yondu” Rooker on the side. I’m pretty sure he loved it! I had left it in the clear packaging, and he immediately ripped it open and lowered his glasses so he could read it better. I...saw...his...eyes...y’all. In person. Not hidden behind sunglasses. Don’t laugh. It was a very big moment for me.

He leaned over towards me on the table on his elbows and kept saying how cool the shot glass was and how he couldn’t wait to drink some whiskey out of it. He asked me how much whiskey I thought it would hold. I laughed and said I have no idea.

We talked some more and he thanked me and came around the table to give me another hug, this time trying to include my friend. She sort of backed away trying to give me all the glory of Rooker’s hug, but he pulled her in anyway. It was somewhat of an awkward, sideways hug, but I didn’t care. A Rooker hug is a Rooker hug! His arm ended up kind of across my neck right under my chin so I reached up and grabbed his arm as I hugged him. I...touched...his...bicep. It was..um..very nice.

When he pulled away from me, Sully walked over holding up an 8X10 of what I believe was of himself that someone had written on and showed it to Rooker. When Rooker read it he about fell on the floor laughing. He said, “Now, now, that’s nothing to be ashamed of!” He snatched the picture out of Sully’s hand and laid it on Sean’s table and began writing on it, too, laughing the whole time. Rooker’s helper asked if we had seen what was written on it. I had been trying not to be nosy, so I hadn’t. We told her no, and she said, “It said ‘When is the right time to talk to your doctor about erectile dysfunction.” My friend and I started laughing.

I turned back to Sean’s table, and Rooker was still writing on the picture saying, “There’s nothing wrong with erectile dysfunction!” Sean and I made eye contact and busted out laughing. Rooker then turned and walked back towards me with a huge grin, looked me right in the eye, and said, “There’s nothing wrong with a little erectile dysfunction...well, I mean there is something wrong with it, but...” He trailed off into a mischievous giggle. Y’all, I had never laughed so hard in my life.

When he realized I was holding the Belko coveralls, he immediately took them from me and whirled around to show Sean. “Sean, look what she has!” Sean came around his table and said, “Whoaaa, are those the real ones?” Rooker told him yes and explained how I got them and then held them up to show Sean the big rip in the back which made Sean laugh. Sean thought they were really neat, too.

Rooker came back over to me and was folding the coveralls up and said, “These are really beautiful. You know, not a lot of these exist. Thank you for bringing them to show me.” I told him they were my prized possession (which is the truth... they really are the coolest thing I own). He said, “C’mere, baby, you get a double hug!” He gave me another huge hug, this one a little longer than the first, and a little bit of my hair got caught in his scruff as I pulled away. I’m sure he didn’t even notice, but I certainly did. That scruff...

We walked back over to his table so I could get my bag. I had made a little drawstring bag specifically to wear at Fandemic to haul stuff around in. It says “I’m lost. If found, please return to Michael Rooker”. I showed it to him and he laughed really hard and gave me a high-five and said, “I love it! You’re so great.” We then said our goodbyes for the moment and off I went again.

That afternoon I had my Dixon Bros. photo op. While we were waiting in line, Rooker came over to the Photo Ops area and saw a family with a little baby boy in a stroller nearby. He made a beeline straight to the baby. The little boy pointed up to the ceiling and blabbered away at Rooker. Rooker looked up to the ceiling, too, and said, “OoooOooh,” and acted surprised at whatever imaginary thing the baby was pointing at. Rooker then baby-talked to him for a minute and tickled the little boy’s tummy before he left to go behind the curtain. Y’all, it was the sweetest thing I’ve ever witnessed.

When it came time for photos, as soon as I got behind the curtain, Rooker said, “Get over here, baby,” and again grabbed my arm and pulled me in between him and Norman Reedus. When I went to put my arms around them, my arm got caught on the bottom of Rooker's jacket, and I accidentally lifted it up about a third up his back. I heard him make this little chuckling sound as I fumbled to free my arm from underneath his jacket, my hand unintentionally rubbing his back. I’m not sure he knew what I was going for because the next thing I knew, he started rubbing my back. For the entire time. Even after the photo was taken and I was walking away, his hand was still rubbing on my back. Let me tell you, a Rooker backrub is everything you would imagine it to be, but at that moment, I was just a tad embarrassed. And my face in the photo pretty much showed it. But, oh well. If that was the only way I was ever going to get a Rooker backrub then it was worth it.

After the Dixon Bros. photo op, I went to go see Michael Rosenbaum who was super nice, too. I paid for a selfie, and he said, “Ohh, lemme take it!” I handed my phone over to him for what I thought would be just one picture. He wouldn’t stop taking pictures of us though, and one picture turned into a comical mini-photo shoot. Each time I thought it would be the last picture he would take so my facial expression changes to a higher state of silliness with each one. They’re hilarious, but let’s just say very few people have seen those pictures.

Day two was drawing to a close, and I decided that I might go see Rooker one more time before we left. We walked over to his booth which was empty at the moment. He was standing there eating chocolate covered pretzels and watching an artist drawing portraits of Harry Potter characters across the way. Anyone that knows Rooker knew what he was about to do next.

Rooker left so fast from his booth that he dropped a pretzel on the ground. He went directly over to the artist and asked him to play Santana over his speaker, jokingly rushing him along when the artist couldn’t find a Santana song quick enough. Rooker then grabbed a colored pencil and began to draw on the picture the artist had been working on.

Rooker messed around with the artist a couple more minutes before he returned to his booth. He took the time to take a few pictures with some fans that had gathered around, joked with the little kids, and danced to the songs the artist was still playing before he finally left for the day. I didn’t get to talk to him again, but just watching him dancing was enough for me.

When we were headed back to the car that afternoon, I told my friend, “I can’t remember ever being this happy before. Seriously, these last two days have been the best days of my life.” I’m like a lot of people in that I struggle with depression and anxiety and self-image and the feeling that I’ll never be good enough. But with Rooker, he makes all that disappear. I don’t think he’ll ever realize how much he means to me and how important he is in my life.

Fandemic Houston Day 3 – September 16, 2018

I had been awake since 4 a.m. on day three. I couldn’t wait to see Rooker, but I couldn’t stop thinking that this was going to be my last day with him. I didn’t want the weekend to end.

I spent the early morning hours before my alarm rang making a detailed schedule and an even more detailed script in my head of all the things I wanted to say to him before the con closed at 4 p.m. I still had my two solo photo ops with him, too, and one last gift to give him. More importantly, I wanted to make sure I got the chance to tell him thank you and goodbye before I left. And I had to fit it all in between getting my Jeffrey Dean Morgan autograph and photo op.

It was about 10:15 a.m. when we got to the NRG center that morning. I was hoping I'd get to talk to Rooker first thing. I had one last picture for him to sign, which had something to do with a special request for our photo op. He wasn’t at his booth when we finally got inside, though, so I decided to get in Jeffrey Dean’s line to get his autograph about 10:30 a.m.

A fairly big crowd had already gathered for Jeffrey Dean. But my Rooker photo ops weren’t until 1 p.m. and my Jeffrey Dean op was at 2:10 p.m. I figured I would have plenty of time to see Rooker before our photo ops.

We were again standing in the perfect spot to watch all the celebs come out from behind the curtain. A little after 11 a.m. they all started to trickle out. And, y’all, when Rooker finally walked out? Dayuuumm, daddy. He wasn’t sporting his usual leather jacket paired with a black or navy or white v-neck t-shirt look. He wore a black button-up shirt with the collar unbuttoned low and looked sexy...as…hell. I mean the man always looks sexy as hell, but...well, y’all know what I mean. I immediately checked in with the Rooker Hookers and told them Rooker’s wardrobe choice for the day. Again, don’t laugh. I just get excited when he switches things up.

We were still waiting in Jeffrey Dean's line when they made a huge announcement around 11:30 a.m. Norman Reedus had to leave the con early. All the Walking Dead photo ops had to be bumped up. I started to panic a little.

My Jeffrey Dean photo stayed at 2:10 p.m., but Rooker and Norman were supposed to have Dixon Bros. photo ops at 3:25 p.m. The con closed at 4 p.m. so I figured Rooker would probably be leaving right after. But I had to tell Rooker goodbye before we left. I just had to. Now I was afraid with all the photo ops being bumped around I wouldn’t get to.

Noon came and Jeffrey Dean's line had hardly moved. He had only been out at his table for maybe 45 minutes or so and now his time would be even more limited because the photo ops had to be moved up. His line was so long that they ended up bumping the people who had pre-purchased an autograph up in line. That included me. Whew. We had gotten closer but were still so far away. The minutes were counting down until my Rooker photo ops. I was a nervous wreck. If I stayed in Jeffrey Dean's line, I would be cutting it reaaaally close.

I left my friend in line and went to explain my situation to one of the Fandemic workers nearby. I told him I had Rooker photo ops at 1 p.m. and if I didn’t make it up to Jeffrey Dean would I be able to get a refund for his autograph. I didn’t want to get a refund. I love Jeffrey Dean and had been looking forward to meeting him and getting his autograph. But I couldn’t miss my Rooker photo ops. That was completely out of the question. The worker looked at his watch and told me that I would make it, but if it got too close, he would move me up in line. That made me feel a little better.

I got back in line, but I couldn’t stop checking my phone for the time. I really needed to show Rooker the picture I wanted him to autograph before our photo ops. The minutes were ticking away and the line was barely moving. Finally, about 12:30 p.m., I left my friend again in line and went to go see Rooker.

I went over to Rooker's table and paid his helper for another autograph. She asked if I wanted to pick out a picture, but I told her I already had one. She said, “Ooh, can I see?” I showed her and told her it was my all-time favorite picture of Rooker, and I was hoping I could get him to do the same pose for our photo op. She loved it and told me that he had done a similar pose the day before. Aaah, there was a chance.

I walked up to Rooker holding the picture against me so he couldn’t see it right away. I asked him, “Will you sign one more thing for me? I was also wondering if you’d reenact it for our photo op today.” He just grinned and said, “It depends. Lemme see it.” At that moment, I was so glad there wasn’t anyone else around. I had no idea what his reaction would be.

I told him it was my all-time favorite picture of him and handed it over. He instantly busted out laughing when he saw what it was. In the picture Rooker has his shirt lifted, one hand pointing to his nipple and a ginormous smile on his face. He asked me where I even got it. I told him I found it on the internet. I reminded him about one of the Rooker Hookers meeting him and having him sign his naked ass from Mallrats. He laughed and said he remembered that. “I’m just carrying on the tradition of having you sign off the wall pictures,” I said.

He told me that he doesn’t normally sign pictures like that, but for me, he would. While he signed it, I told him that I had two photo ops with him and that they couldn’t be the same and asked him again if he would do that same pose for one of them. He laughed and said no. Then he took off his glasses completely to look at the picture more closely. I...saw...his...eyes again for a long time. He was trying to remember where the picture was taken and what the hell he was doing. He said the glasses he was wearing were his old ones and that he didn’t have them anymore and the shirt he had on was his old Harley Davidson shirt. I was too embarrassed to tell him I knew the picture was taken at James Gunn’s old house. I was afraid yet again that he would think I was a batshit crazy stalker.

We talked about the picture a little more and then he looked up at me laughing and said, “You dork.” Rooker called me dork. Out of all the things he called me that weekend “dork” was definitely my favorite. I begged him one more time to do that pose for our photo. He just laughed and shook his head and said, “No.” again. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to talk to him very much longer because I had to hurry to get back in line for Jeffrey Dean so I told Rooker I’d see him later.

My friend hadn’t made it very far when I joined her back in line. By then it was pushing 12:40 p.m. I was starting to get nervous again. I only had 20 minutes left until Rooker photos, and the line was...moving...so...slow.

About 12:55 p.m., there were only three people ahead of me in line. Jeffrey Dean was right there. Surely I would make it in time. He finished visiting with the fan he was talking to, and I heard him tell one of his handlers that he needed to take a break. Uh oh. Panic mode. I went up to his other handler and explained that I had Rooker photo ops at 1:00 p.m. which was in three minutes. She said, “Ok, no problem.” She went up to Jeffrey Dean and told him my dilemma. I felt horrible cutting in line, but I got to meet him real quick before he went on his break.

He gave me a huge hug when I went up to him. (Jeffrey Dean gives amazing hugs by the way and is one of the nicest human beings I’ve ever met. Annnnd even sexier...as...hell in person). I handed him the headshot I had of him and he said, “Oh, fuuuuck, this is awesome!” I said, “You were a baby. Lookit you.” He said, “I was a baby!” He then turned it over to look at his resume, and was like “Whooa, this is a loooong time ago! You know awhile back when everyone was sharing their first headshots for “Headshot Day” on Instagram and shit, I didn’t have one. I shoulda called you.” That would be the dream I thought. I snickered and said, “Uh, yeaaah, you totally could have called me!” He laughed and we talked some more about his headshot. Then he asked me if I wanted him to sign it to me or just with his name. I told him that he could put my name if he wanted and he personalized his autograph for me. I told him “thank you” and he said, “Oh, you’re very welcome and it’s nice to meet you.” He gave me another huge, extra-tight hug, and said, “Tell Rooker I said ‘hey’,” as I told him bye. Gahhh, I’m still gushing over Jeffrey Dean, too!

After I left Jeffrey Dean, we booked it over to the photo op line. We were a few minutes late, but luckily Rooker hadn’t made it over there yet so the photo ops hadn’t actually started. A few minutes later Rooker came over and went behind the curtain. He was holding some sort of arrow thingy? With a bullet on the end? I still have no idea what it was.

When I got behind the curtain for our photos, Rooker pulled me to him and I put my arm around his lower back right above his waist. His shirt was so silky, and I could feel his lil’ love handles. Swoon. He put his arm over my shoulder and kind of threw his head back with a smug look on his face for the first photo. The Rooker Hookers say it was his “Yeah, this is my Sugar Mama” pose. I’m not sure if that’s what he was going for, but I like that idea.

After the photographer took the first photo, Rooker went to tell me thank you like he had done the previous days. I told him though that I had two photo ops. (I had told my friend that if she would go with me to Fandemic I would buy all the tickets, and she didn’t want to take any pictures so I used the photo op that came with her VIP ticket). He said, “Oh, you have two?” I shook my head yes and replied, “What are we gonna do, Rooker? They can’t be the same.” He looked at me, thinking for a second, and then grabbed my necklace. I have a necklace with a little silver bullet on it (or I did...it broke like two weeks after Fandemic.) He held the bullet in his fingers and said, “You show off your bullet, I’ll show mine,” meaning the little arrow thingy he was holding. So, I held up the bullet on my necklace and he held out the arrow thing for the second picture. I personally never would have thought up that pose, but it made him laugh and that’s all that mattered to me. And I got another short bonus Rooker backrub as we said goodbye.

A little while later, I had my photo op with Jeffrey Dean. He gave me a big hug for our picture. I’m horrible at taking pictures, but that one actually turned out the best out of all the ops I had that weekend.

After Jeffrey Dean, it was pretty much time to go. As much as I didn’t want to, it was time to go see Rooker for the last time and tell him goodbye.

Rooker had an 8X10 of Sean as Kraglin and was drawing various funny things all over Sean’s face while casually talking to a fan who I’m assuming had met him before when we got to his table. I wasn’t trying to be nosy I promise, but I could hear a little of what they were talking about. At one point, the guy mentioned Rooker’s hair and how much he had grown it out. He asked him if it was for a specific reason, like for a movie or something. Rooker told the guy that his granddaughter had actually asked him to grow his hair out so he would have long, pretty hair like her. My heart = melted. He then said that it wasn’t working. It was making him worse. You’re wrong, Rooker. Seriously, I don’t think you can get any more perfect.

While Rooker was still diligently drawing on Sean’s picture and talking to the fan, another guy walked up and asked his handler if Rooker was in Cliffhanger. The handler said yes. The guy said, “Oh man, I knew it! I can still hear your voice! Like when your lady fell in the beginning.” Without even looking up, Rooker said, “That fuckin’ bitch! I knew what she was doing up there with Stallone!” and then laughed.

When it was my turn, I went up to him and asked, “Are you sick of me yet?” He said, “Noooo.” I told him I had one last thing to give him, and it was kind of a dumb one, but all my friends told me I had to give it to him. I said, “Do you remember when James called you Winnie the Pooh in that one post?” He said, “Yeah.” I plopped down a little stuffed Pooh Bear in front of him on the table. Pooh was dressed in black and white prison stripes with a ball and chain on his leg. The patch on his shirt said “Prisoner of Love". Rooker laughed and said, “Aww, this is for me?” I told him yes, and that I knew it was kinda stupid and I don't normally go around giving grown men stuffed animals. “You're actually the only grown man I've ever given a stuffed animal to,” I said to him. He laughed again, and said, “Well, I actually love stuffed animals.”

He immediately took the tag off of Pooh's ear and then held him up towards one of his helpers and the couple of people in line at the end of the table and made Pooh “growl" at them. He then turned to the handler standing right next to him, shoved the little bear right in the guy’s face and made Pooh wave and said, “Fuck you, bitch!” in a goofy, high-pitched voice.

He made himself laugh, that silent kind of Rooker laugh where his head is thrown back and his mouth is wide open, his whole face lit up, and came around his table to give me a hug. Then....it happened. The single greatest moment of my life.

With his smile never fading, he grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me on the cheek, an added “mwah” for sound effect.

Time froze. I could feel his fingers in my hair. His scruff rough against my face. I couldn’t believe what was happening. My brain ceased to function properly, and I went into survival mode, struggling to simply form words.

As soon as it happened, my brain took that script that I had made up in my mind early that morning, ripped it up into a thousand little pieces, tossed them in the air, and screamed, “Haha, time to improv, bitch!” I could no longer remember a single thing that I had wanted to talk to him about.

I was stunned. I was in a daze. For the first time that entire weekend I was speechless.

My friend chimed in very quickly to save me. “You should show him your dogs!” As he still stood next to me, he said, “Oh, you have dogs?!” He sounded way more excited than I would have thought he’d be to see my dogs. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. But Rooker had broken my brain. I was in auto-pilot mode, and I was forgetting a major detail.

It wasn’t until I hit the home button to turn my phone on that I remembered one of Rooker’s Skillset photos is my lock screen and a picture of him laughing on the set of Brother’s Keeper is my home screen. OMG!!!

I freaked out a little and playfully pushed him away. “Oh, don’t look at my phone, Rooker! You’re on it!” It was too late. He had already seen it. He backed away laughing and said, “Oooh, girl, you makin’ me look sexxxy!” I’m sure my face was red as a tomato at that moment.

My Instagram account was the quickest way to get to pictures of my dogs, so I pulled up the app. Rooker was so close to me. We were standing shoulder to shoulder, our arms were touching, him looking at my phone the entire time. It didn’t occur to me until much later that I know he saw everything on my Instagram: my IG name which is basically the same as my Tumblr, my icon which is him, my description that says I’m obsessed with him, the memes I’ve made of him.

I opened up the picture of my dog as James Gunn. Rooker pulled down his sunglasses to look. He didn’t remember Gunn sharing that picture either last Halloween, but he did say Bruce was a beautiful dog. Then I showed him the “Rooker vs. Rooker: Grumpface Edition” meme I had made of Rooker and my dog. I pointed to my dog and said, “That’s Rooker.” He turned and looked right at me. A few seconds after we made eye contact, he busted out laughing. It was my favorite kind of Rooker laugh, the Rooker laugh where he’s trying so hard not to laugh and is grinning but holding his mouth closed until he can’t take it anymore and just lets it go. Rooker loved my dog. He said, “Omg!”, gave me a fist bump, then grabbed my phone, walked over to his handler and shoved my phone in his face to show him.

When Rooker handed me my phone back, he hugged me again and then held up his hands for a double high-five. I high-fived him, but this time he didn’t let my hands go. He let our hands fall down together, our fingers interlocked. He kept them that way the whole time I talked to him. I never wanted that moment to end.

I then told him that we had to get back on the road to Louisiana, and I just wanted to tell him goodbye before we left. I said, “Thank you, Rooker. For everything. For putting up with me all weekend. This has seriously been the best three days of my life.” He held out his arms and said, “Awww, c’mere, baby.” He hugged me again, and I laid my head against his chest. It was the longest and the tightest hug he had given me so far, and I made sure to pay attention to every little detail: the cool, silky feel of his shirt on my face, the smell of mint, the way his back felt under my hands. I could have stayed there forever. When we finally let go, he said, “Thank you for coming to see me. Y’all drive safe,” and we said goodbye.

And with that, I walked away. It was over. Our “see you tomorrows" had become our final goodbye. It was all so bittersweet leaving through those convention doors for the last time. Over three days, Rooker had high-fived me, fist bumped me, called me pet names, held my hands, hugged and kissed me. I had made him laugh more than once. He had made me melt 100 times over. I know I was lucky to have had such an amazing experience with him, and I couldn’t have been happier. But knowing that there wasn’t going to be a tomorrow with him made me terribly…sad.

I had spent almost a year saving for Fandemic. It wasn’t cheap, but I had done a lot of photo ops and gotten a lot of autographs and had the time of my life. I had justified spending so much money by telling myself that this was more than likely a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and I’d probably never get to see Rooker again. After that weekend, I knew I couldn’t let that happen. I've already started saving for my next con. That man means the world to me, and I don’t know where or when (hopefully sometime really soon), but I have to go see him again.

So that’s it. For the ones that made it this far, that's the story of my little Fandemic adventure, my getting “Rookered" for the very first time, the best three days of my life. Michael Rooker is the most humble, nicest, most generous, funniest, silliest, best hugs in the world givin’, sweetest person I’ve ever met. He’s charming as hell, not to mention the sexiest man alive. There’s a reason he’s my favorite person on earth. There are not enough words to describe how much I love that man, and I truly hope everyone gets to meet him someday.

The end.

And, p.s., my new windshield wipers are still going strong 😜.

#michael rooker #rooker #fandemic houston #fandemic #I got rookered

41 notes · View notes

untapdtreasure · 6 years ago

Note

TV Show Ask Game 1, 3, 5, 7, 9-29, and 31-49.

TV Show Ask Game

1. if you could reboot one TV show, which one would it be? Earth 2. But only if they could go back in time with the same cast at those ages. It was a brilliant concept that maybe just came ahead of its time.

3. have you ever quit a show before it finished? why? No. But I've wanted to. Once I start something I like to finish it.

5. what’s your comfort show? H20: Just Add Water. I seem to go back to it when I need something light and fun and that doesn't require a ton of thinking in order to enjoy it. I know it's an Australian teenage drama, but I absolutely adore it and the characters.

7. have you ever been inspired to start a new show based on gifs or memes it has produced? The Man From the High Castle and Westworld.

9. what’s one show you thought you’d hate but turned out to really enjoy? Family Guy. I usually don't care for shows with that kind of humor, but it has turned out to be a true gem and favorite of mine.

10. what’s one show you thought you’d love but turned out to really hate? Sons of Anarchy.

11. which TV show has the best musical soundtrack, in your opinion? Cold Case. And Supernatural.

12. have you ever watched a show just for a specific actor? did you enjoy it? I tried to watch Californication because of my love for David Duchovny. I didn't get past season one, and I haven't had the urge to continue it further.

13. what genre of TV show is your favourite? Science-Fiction.

14. do you tend to stick to one type of TV show (eg, short-form comedy), or are you into many different genres? I love a ton of different genres. I mean, sticking to one type is mega boring. And I'm not always in the mood for something funny or drama or sad or whatever. So I like to have options. Lots and lots of options.

15. do you feel like there are any overrated TV show formats? I'm not really sure what this means so I'm not going to comment.

16. do you feel like there are any underrated TV show formats? I'm not really sure what this means so I'm not going to comment.

17. have you ever written fanfiction for a TV show? I started with CSI and The X-Files a long time ago (2004) and still write it today. So yeah. I've written fanfiction for a television show that I love. Several of them in fact. Fifteen years and still going strong.

18. have you ever drawn fanart for a show? I cannot draw to save my life. So the closest thing I've ever drawn for a show was stick figures for The Walking Dead for another ask meme. LOL.

19. are there any shows on your “to watch” list right now? Oh my heck! There are a ton of shows and movies that are on my list to watch at a later date. I even go through it sometimes and delete things that I've added in the past that I know I will never get around to watching. It drives my husband mad to see all the crap in there that never gets watched.

20. Netflix, Hulu, or Prime originals? I happen to like some of all of them, but my favorites just so happen to be Hulu ones. The Handmaid's Tale and Hollie Hobby!

21. if you could be a guest star on any show, which one would it be? The X-Files but that won't ever happen because I'm pretty sure that the show is likely done this time around. I hope anyway. LOL.

22. if you could write your own TV show, what would it be like? A complete disaster. It would be a feel-good show with characters that care more about others around them than anything else. So yeah! A complete disaster. I'll leave the writing to the professionals and stick to writing fanfiction because it's so much easier.

23. are you a fan of will-they-won’t-they plots? Yes, I am. Some of the best ships have come from just that scenario.

24. how do you feel about bottle episodes? I have a love/hate relationship with them. When I haven't seen a character or a couple of characters for a bit, they are fun to play catch up with them, but then I would rather every episode have a little of everyone than focus on one group or character solely.

25. do you prefer proper opening credits, or a simple title card? A simple title card is all that I need because I'm ready to watch the show. I know who stars in it. I don't need to see it every time.

26. favourite TV show theme song? Pretty Little Liars.

27. which actor do you think deserves an Emmy for their work on TV? Melissa McBride and Andrew Lincoln from The Walking Dead.

28. who would be your dream cameo on your favourite show? Kathryn Erbe in the Zombie Apocolypse would be an absolute dream come true! I'd love to see her play in a scene opposite Melissa McBride's Carol.

29. do you tend to quote TV shows a lot? have you ever started using a word/phrase because of a TV show? No, I don't usually quote anything from a TV show unless I'm talking to a fellow fan and we're discussing the show. And I can't think of a time that I've ever taken a phrase from a show/movie and used it in real life. OHHH! Yes, I have! There is a contestant on Survivor that says, "Oh my heck!" and I love that phrase now. LOL.

31. do you use subtitles while watching TV if you can? I will rewind a scene and turn them on if I'm confused about something that is being said, or I'm making a comic strip/photo or gif set where I need the exact quote.

32. what’s one show you could watch over and over? Earth 2, H20: Just Add Water, Mako Mermaids, etc. I could go on and on with some of my favorite feel-good shows.

33. would you be interested in trying a show in another language? I've tried to watch a new series on Netflix, but it just really takes me out of it when I have to read the words. I can't focus on the actions and scenery if I'm constantly having to read the dialogue.

34. what are your top 5 shows right now? The Walking Dead, Law & Order: SVU, Heartland, The Rookie, and 9-1-1.

35. who are your top 5 TV characters right now? Carol Peletier, Lt. Olivia Benson, Athena Grant, Howard 'Chimney' Han, Rookie Officer John Nolan

36. what TV character would you die for? Carol Peletier. But not really.

37. which TV show setting would you most like to visit? The Walking Dead.

38. do you prefer hour long episodes, or 30 minute? It really depends on the material. Sometimes thirty minutes is long enough to tell a complete story, but sometimes, you really need that full hour.

39. do you prefer 22 episode seasons, or 13? It really depends on the show and the story being told.

40. is there a show coming out soon that you’re really excited about? The sixth season of The 100. There is nothing new coming out that I'm that interested in.

41. if you could change 1 detail about any show, what would you change and why? I would change the way in which season four of The Walking Dead was executed so that it made better sense. I wouldn’t necessarily change the main plot points, but I would change how the story was told and would elaborate on whatever needed to be elaborated on so that it made more sense narratively speaking. I believe that certain things had to happen to get the payoff down the road, but the way in which it was written and executed was entirely bogus. Scott Gimple did not trust his audience at all.

42. what’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever watched a show in one sitting? Five plus hours when binge watching ER with my Mom on the weekends.

43. what do you think is a good amount of seasons for a TV show? Six or Seven. But that depends on the show and material for the show. Some shows really can't be wrapped up in that time frame, but some that really should end on a good note. Justified is a wonderful show, but those in charge knew that it was time to let it go. But Supernatural doesn't seem to know that it should end already. The first five or six seasons were brilliant, but it got a little (or a lot) stupid after that.

44. if you could replace any actor on TV in playing their role, who would you like to play and why? I wouldn't want to replace anyone because I absolutely love and adore the people chosen to play their specific roles. I wouldn't want to mess with the chemistry of the cast for even one minute.

45. do you own any TV shows on DVD? I own several shows on DVD. Too many to list.

46. do you prefer to watch TV alone or with friends? Alone because if you watch with friends there is too much talking going on.

47. are there any shows you love but your friends aren’t interested in? Like almost everything. LOL. My tastes and theirs do not usually mesh. It's rare that we have overlapping interest in a show.

48. are there any shows your friends love but you aren’t interested in? Yes. Just about as many of my shows as their shows, honestly.

49. who are your favourite couples on TV? Well, most of them are really canon ships, but there is Carol & Daryl from The Walking Dead, Olivia Benson and Rafael Barba from SVU, Regina Mills and Robin of Locksley from Once Upon a Time, Mulder and Scully from The X-Files. There are several more, but I think those are plenty to list right now. I have an otps page if you'd like to see the ones that I love the most. Oh! Han & Leia from Star Wars.

#& asks answered #fandom musings #anonymous #Anonymous

3 notes · View notes

rosalynbair · 6 years ago

Text

Nerd Kylo Ren Headcanons

AO3 | Masterlist | Buy me a coffee

Summary: Kylo’s a nerd

Warnings: None

A/N: This came up in the group chat so whaddup bbs @damndriver @galaxygarbage @your-mom-kylo ((has this been done before??))

Kylo isn’t exactly the nerdiest of nerds. He’s not a geek (he’s horrible at math and Leia once sent him to math camp because he was failing so hard in school) He just really likes nerd content.

Math camp in itself was a horrible experience for him so please don’t ever ask about it (even if you see the cute little photo in the Solo’s living room of Kylo in his bright orange I Survived Math Camp t-shirt)

Kylo originally finds solace in comic books when he was only eight. He had a lisp as a child and hated speaking to people because they would always comment on it or make him repeat everything that he had said.

His lisp had made him retreat into awkward silence, refusing to speak which then showed itself through his high level of shyness.

It only gets worse when he’s prescribed glasses because he’s strained them too much from reading in the dark when he’s supposed to be sleeping.

They’re really big, square glasses at first. Until he gets into his teens and he finally replaces them with in-style rectangular ones with a black frame. Though once he graduates high school, he only uses them for emergencies since he’s discovered what contact lenses are and how to put them in.

When he’s in his tenth and eleventh grade, he’s collected a really incredible amount of vintage and original comic books, signed memorabilia (his favorite is the signed Batman poster he has above his dresser that’s signed by everyone who has played him on the big screen)

His bookshelf is lined with Funko Pops, they’re mostly superheroes, but he has a few characters from tv shows. He has a lot of them still in their boxes stacked up beside his computer desk as well.

He rides an old skateboard most of the time when he’s in high school. He gets his license at 16 and his parents buy him a second hand car, but he prefers his skateboard unless it’s raining or during the winter.

Nic wants me to let everyone know that Kylo wears VANS all the time. Every season, he’s always wearing the same type of VANS (black on black with old laces. He gets a new pair every school year.)

Kylo has trash taste in music. It’s eclectic and often includes movie scores and music that nobody has heard of. (He does have a few songs that people DO know, he’s a fan of Kendrick Lamar and a few of Drake’s songs.)

By the time Kylo is in twelfth grade, he’s completed his speech therapy so his lisp no longer exists. Though he still doesn’t like to talk to people that much.

Kylo goes to college on the East Coast for fine art and photography when he graduates. He lives in a shared dorm for the first year with a guy he actually makes friends with.

During his second year, he moves into a shitty apartment after staying at his parent’s place for the summer. He grows up a lot during that summer, he goes through a final growth spurt and he’s no longer lanky and awkward. His voice has lowered by a shit ton, and he grows his cropped hair out until it’s shaggy and Leia complains about it.

He’s not as quiet as he was when he was younger - he’s one of those kids that college does real well and when they come back to visit, you barely recognize them.

Kylo is snarky with a hilarious sense of humor. He also has a smirk that can make anyone swoon (he doesn’t know this though. He still thinks he’s still 14 and awkward)

When he goes back to school // moves into his new apartment, he takes as much as he can in his shitty little car that he’s had since he was 16 and has barely maintained.

Leia and Han end up shipping the rest of his stuff out to him so he can have everything he wants and needs for his ~aesthetic~

While he’s going to school, he ends up working at a comic book store a block away from his building. He gets a lot of shit from there on his employee discount, especially new games for his stations, or the Switch he had preordered for himself (he’s finished Breath of the Wild twice already)

This lame ass probably also streamed his playthrough on Twitch as well.

He meets you during November of second year.

Unlike Kylo, you’re not a nerd. But you do know a lot about what he likes. Which draws him towards you while you’re both in the cafe on campus.

At first, Kylo thinks you’re way out of his league. You’re pretty and have friends, you have your own study group and you tutor students when they need help.

You both end up near each other a lot, you work at the bookstore on campus to pay your rent. Kylo comes in a lot when he needs a snack, energy drink, or a new set of charcoal pencils for his class.

He doesn’t know it, but he’s really good at smooth talking you. He thinks he’s still the awkward kid with a lisp, so he thinks he’s just talking out of his ass. But he’s been late to class a few times because he’s so caught up in talking to you.

There’s one point where he’s running ridiculously late to class, and he has to stop by the bookstore to get a new notebook.

He’s also wearing his glasses in public for the first time since he’s started college.

His hair is a mess, his flannel shirt is inside out and he’s in the same shirt as the day before. He’s also wearing the wrong pair of VANS, which means they’re old and half tattered as he runs into the store.

You watch him, amused. He’s rushing to grab a spiral notebook for his lecture, his bag half open and hung over one of his shoulders.

You check him out quickly, making him take a deep breath as he pays.

It’s then that you ask him out on a date.

Kylo is an absolute mess, and doesn’t even hear your question as he yells ‘thanks!’ and runs out.

You’re embarrassed, but realize how rushed he was. And you knew he wasn’t too great with people.

Your question doesn’t even register to Kylo until he’s halfway to his class (which is on the other side of the campus)

He yells ‘Fuck’ really loud and pulls out his cracked phone from his pocket as he jogs, He searches up the bookstore number and dials it, cursing as it rings.

“College Bookstore, y/n speaking, how can I help yo-”

“Yes!” he yells, breathless as he gets into the building “Yes i’ll go on a date with you.”

“Okay.” You reply with a laugh “I have caller ID on here, so i’ll text you my number. Have a good class Kylo.”

Kylo is 25 minutes late to his class, and he’s so out of focus while he bounces his leg the entire time. Waiting for your text to come through.

He thinks you’ve forgotten until he remembers that his lecture hall doesn’t have any service. He forces himself to take notes at that point, trying to be productive until his class was over.

When he’s dismissed, he packs up quickly and rushes outside. Checking his phone every step of the way until he had full bars again. His phone lights up with a text from an unknown number.

He’s grinning as he sees the shitty DC meme you sent to him, followed by letting him know that this was in fact your number.

Kylo picks up a coffee after that, grabbing you the one you usually order and dropping it off to you at the bookstore. You thank him happily, letting yourself lean against the counter to talk to him.

You let him pick the type of date, saying that you would be done your shift in an hour, and then your class would be done at six. (he’s adjusting his glasses aggressively the entire time he talks to you, resuming the nervous habit he had as a kid.)

He picks you up from the campus in his car, the engine stuttering and the gear shift clunking loudly.

He takes you to the comic book shop, and the diner across the street from it.

That’s right. Kylo takes you to his work for your first date. (He needed to pick up something as well. So it’s like hitting two birds with one stone.)

It was originally going to be in and out, he didn’t want to bore you with the shop. But you end up staying in there for almost an hour, pointing out games you’ve played and arguing about which character and which game in the series was better. (also making fun of the people who think that Link is Zelda.)

It’s the best (and only) date he’s ever been on.

You both go out on a date once a week until you finally make it official after a couple of months. You had skipped the honeymoon/newly dating phase and had gone directly into the type of couple that has been dating for years.

No one really understands why you two are together. From the exterior, you look like opposites. But anyone who’s friends with either of you know how much you two are similar.

There could be a group conversation and you can banch off until there’s only the two of you talking about something the others don’t understand.

You always complain about his car. You hate it. You’d rather him carry you like a bride while he rides his skateboard.

There’s a particular moment where the car stalls and Kylo reassures you “Don’t worry, this happens every once in a while.”

“WE’RE ON THE HIGHWAY KYLO.”

Kylo gets a new car after that.

In his third year of college, you move in once your lease is over. You share his space, but everything has to be moved around to accommodate you and your stuff. So Kylo moves most of his stuff into the second bedroom that used to house his old roommate.

It’s like the dream nerd room. With all his memorabilia, posters, his really expensive gaming computer and a tv with all his gaming systems.

He wears his glasses whenever he’s at home. And you love it. He looks so fuckin cute when he wears them.

You really like the little indents he gets on his nose from wearing them for long periods of time.

You also pick up on his habit of adjusting them when he’s nervous, anxious, or shy. Which you find really cute. (he even attempts to do it when he’s not even wearing his glasses)

When Kylo’s with you, he feels like he’s all the superheroes he used to look up to. He loves the hell out of you.

Even after being together for a long time, he still takes you on dates to the comic store (which he ends up being the manager for in his final year) and you still get into heated arguments about games and comics.

All in all, you guys are like a dream team. Kylo still can’t get over the fact that you picked him out of all people.

Taglist: @tonguepopperr @ben-solo @lumifuer @secretlygrantaire @sdavid09 @imagine-this-motherfucker @bellaren18 @oh-adam

#kylo ren imagine #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren #kylo imagine #kylo x reader #kylo x you #modern kylo ren #modern kylo #nerd kylo #rosalynbair #useremm

111 notes · View notes

cosmosogler · 6 years ago

Text

hello everyone!

today was the last day of group therapy.

i got up a little early since i went to bed so early last night. i was feeling a lot better this morning so i uploaded my new comic and went to class. i even got there on time, for once...

the day was mostly a lot of work. and i got it done! except for one thing, but, i am very tired, and i have a final to study for, and emailing jobs will have to wait until probably wednesday afternoon, just because i will be cramming in as much work as i can tomorrow in particular. i finished all my grades today, but, i still have an entire quantum assignment to finish that’s due on the same day as my em final... definitely need it done tomorrow. arthur’s checkup is also in the morning, and then i have therapy and the em review session, and ugh, it’s a lot of running around, and i still feel fairly ill. ill enough to be painfully lethargic, especially since i got home at around 6...

anyway, group therapy. i always get kind of weirded out when people like me or say i said a lot of intelligent things that made them think, or inspired them. my last group coordinator called me a leader... i feel like the coordinators in this group didn’t let me do that. although i know i talked too much anyway. after spring break, when i was told i couldn’t talk that day, i just didn’t bring up any more of my problems to the group specifically. i feel like i missed out because of that, but, i had something really important to share the day i was told i couldn’t share, so, i kept it to myself.

i really liked the group members that stuck around. they felt like friends, toward the end, even though right away those first few weeks i felt “on the same page” in a way. it’s disorienting when people remember my jokes and think they’re still funny later... like, i guess, i’m not used to having an effect on people. i’m not used to being able to meaningfully affect my surroundings, even after living on my own for years and years now. at least it’s easy to trust when animals love me... they don’t have a reason to lie or leave. i’m not used to people wanting specifically my presence.

my mother’s told me that my siblings think of me the same way but man it’s so hard to gauge what they actually think. i feel disconnected from them most of all, in a way. maybe because i moved away when i was 14 and did so much of my growing up away from them (and them from me). i know i’m far closer with each of them than they are with each other... and our conversations have an easygoing “language of our own” kind of situation. but when i try to describe them i’m kind of at a loss. i guess i’m too used to the way my mother describes them, which is, not as charitable or at least neutral as i want to be.

will i be like this forever? am i so easygoing around my friends because i’ve got years of experience with this kind of thing, or is it because my brain says i only matter to them when i am physically in the room with them? maybe it’s both... i’ve had too many close friends leave so abruptly and quietly. it’s so hard to make new connections. and then it’s so hard to invest in those connections and trust them. it’s like i beg people for companionship and then when they hang out with me i just push them away or don’t say anything at all. so it’s like they see me in the distance waving and yelling and then when they get over to me i just stand there and stare at them silently. maybe it’s unnerving.

like... i so desperately want close friends but at the same time i want anything but friends. ha.

last week one of the coordinators mentioned i looked sad or tormented or something, and i asked “do i look *that* depressed?” and she said “yes!” so this week i asked, like, what specifically makes me look depressed? what does that look like? and she couldn’t answer. she’s given vague answers and metaphors all semester though it barely ever feels like she says anything specific and it ties my brain up in knots trying to figure out what the hell she’s talkin about. she’s new... today she said it was my way of talking, my cynicism. nothing about my appearance that i could change or see. it made me feel confused again. more abstract traits that i have no way to track or recognize... i guess i could talk to my therapist about it tomorrow.

i dunno. not really getting as much activity on the comic as i was hoping for, these last couple scenes... it always gets like that with major story developments or chapter milestones. the final scene in the last chapter got like 1 note... maybe it’s the time of semester. it feels like the ebbs and flows of attention happen so fast. i was getting near 10 notes a post, a few months ago, but now i’m back down to less than 5 it feels like. it’s hard to keep track... i have a few regulars that catch up every few weeks so the numbers hop up 1 per post after i’ve already gotten used to the lack of attention. well... i just have three more things to draw for this arc. i can get started on the last tiny comic tomorrow when i need a break.

today i felt so exhausted when i got home i forgot i left water on the stove to boil for too long and had to re-start my whole dinner process. it came out alright but then i near forgot to eat it. after i gave arthur his meds (kinda late) i huddled under a blanket and played pokemon for an hour or two. next up is the elite four... i’m gettin’ there... it will be nice to see the end of the game at long last. i have amassed enough resources that once i get to the postgame i can just buy everything i want at the battle tree and then have all my pokemon be completely battle-ready... if anyone wants to play... you know, a couple months before the new one comes out, haha.

1 note · View note

dorevenge · 3 years ago

Text

where ignorance is bliss - chapter 8: try to remember

SUMMARY: Anton Vanko has lunch with Howard, Maria, and Obadiah to discuss the Unity Project. [AO3 LINK]

CHAPTERS: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 [8] 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 ☆

STARK INDUSTRIES CONTINUES TO GROW

Yesterday, news broke that Mr. Obadiah Stane, fresh off the heels of cutting ties with Roxxon and bankrupting his own company Stane International, has shaken hands with Mr. Howard Stark. Mr. Stane will be joining Stark Industries as a technology consultant and inventor, pairing two of the greatest minds of our generation and making what will most likely be the best business deal of the new year. We expect great things from the two of them, and we can only imagine what kind of earth-changing products will come from their offices.

Obadiah had returned the signed business deal the next day. “The irony isn’t lost on me,” he had said. “After that first day of the Stark Expo last year, when I swore up and down that the only time I’d do business with a Stark is when I was buying his company, not the other way ‘round. Look where I am now.”

“You have a choice; you still have a choice. The memo is generous,” I said, taking the papers from him, and he shook his head at me.

“I know, I know. This is the best choice. I’ll be able to do what I love. Who knows, maybe I’ll be the CEO of Stark Industries one day,” he chuckled to himself, handing off the papers. “Happy holidays, Mrs. Stark.”

March 2, 1963 – Manhattan, New York City, Stark Manor

“How was work, dear?”

Howard kisses me before he takes his coat off. “Amazing. Obadiah has the best ideas. We’re way farther than we’d be without him.”

“And you remembered to invite him to lunch, correct? Anton Vanko is coming, and Edwin is prepared for four people.”

He pauses as he recalls his memory. “Yes. I did. Yes. He’s coming,” he says distractedly before running off to his office. He runs back in, kisses the top of my head, then leaves again.

“Remember, Mrs. Stark, we need to put the pork loin in the oven an hour before they’re due to arrive, at 350 degrees Fahrenheit so it’ll be perfectly cooked and ready to serve.”

“Yes, Edwin. I remember: 11am. And ten minutes to twelve, we’ll get the drinks ready,” I say, used to his excitement and anxiety before an important meeting by now. His affection for Howard always shines through in the form of perfectionism. “And, Edwin, please call me Maria. I insist on it.”

“I cannot do that, Mrs. Stark. My butler DNA forbids it.” I roll my eyes at his response; he’s said the same thing a dozen times now, or at least a variation of it. Edwin fiddles with his suit jacket, then the tablecloth on the lunch dishes spread before us, adjusting every other salad fork, then refolding the napkins.

Ana, his wife, arrives from the hallway. “Husband, dear, stop fretting.” She takes his hands into hers and places them on her face. “You’ve hosted a hundred parties, why should this one be any different?”

“Mr. Stark has an important guest, and this could be a monumental meeting for Stark Industries. I must do my best so Mr. Stark can do his best,” Edwin says, a wrinkle growing between his eyebrows, responding to his wife in a very matter-of-fact manner. His serious disposition clashes with her casual one

“All these guests are important, and they all go off without a hitch,” Ana replies.

“Not all of them. There was that dinner with Ms. Underwood-”

“Okay, not literally all of them, but all of them in your control. I think Mrs. Stark can handle it from here.” Ana smiles at him, and Edwin seems to relax. Only slightly; I’ve never seen Edwin completely relaxed. Ana has a unique effect on them, and she is always a ray of light in our household.

“Jarvis,” Howard peeks his head into the room, “Let’s have the meeting outside.”

Used to Howard changing his mind at the last second, Edwin moves to set the table outside without a complaint.

“Your English is getting better, Anton.”

“Perhaps,” Anton replies, “Whether or not this Unity Project of yours will bear fruit or not is another matter entirely, considering the posturing of our nations’ governments.”

Howard rolls his eyes, “Forget about them. My military contracts are merely the shortest distance between two points. Think about the children we’ll have someday, the legacies we’ll leave them with, the world they’ll be born into – that’s our priority.” Edwin brings the next round of drinks, and Howard thanks him. “The point is, if I want you on my team, you’re on my team. No questions asked. I’ve earned that.”

“Very well, Howard. As always, I’m humbled by your trust.” Anton pauses to think. “And yet, I must express my concerns. This arc reactor technology… The implications of such a device even existing. Have you not thought about these things?”

“I’ve thought about everything. That’s all I do is think. They said the same thing about the Manhattan Project, didn’t they Maria?” He turns to me. “Where ignorance is bliss…”

“… ‘Tis folly to be wise,” I finish the phrase, raising my drink to meet his.

Anton shakes his head softly. “So says the great Howard Stark. Your cavalier attitude may work for the press, but science is a different beast. You cannot approach it in the same manner.”

Obadiah chimes in, “Respectfully, Anton, that’s how science works in this country. Think about it. The ancillary applications alone justify the experiment. It’ll pay for itself tenfold.”

“But perhaps the expenses…” Anton starts.

“Since when you are an accountant? Listen, we’re about to embark on developing the technology that’s going to change the world, and you’re counting dollars and cents. You don’t need to worry about that with me over here on Team Stark.”

“We’re inventors. We dream big, and then we do whatever it takes to make those dreams a reality,” Obadiah says. “Now, you’ve seen the schematics. You know it can work.”

Howard continues, “The question is if you want to be a part of making it work. Don’t worry about the politics involved. This is much bigger than that. We’re serving a global community that doesn’t even recognize its own existence. I’ve played this game for years, Anton. So have you. It’s time to change the game. We don’t have to walk the path that leads toward mutually assured destruction. There’s another future waiting for us.”

“My main hesitation is making sure we are paving the way safely,” Anton says. “Recklessness is not something I’m fond of.”

“Me neither, Anton. Since joining Stark industries, I’ve discovered a new hobby: covering Howard’s ass. He might be excitable, but he’s not reckless. I have to run interference every once in a while, but his intentions are in the right place with the Unity Project,” Obadiah replies, vouching for the project. I stare down at the empty plate in front of me, unable to contribute anything.

“I know the SSR and S.H.I.E.L.D. have been taking care of you, but what does a soldier do once the war is over? You can’t keep fighting forever; it’s time to start building. And there’s no better place to do it than in the U. S. of A. A man’s gut is the best weapon he has, and I don’t want you to go against your gut if it’s feeling skittish, but I do want you in my corner. As far as I’m concerned, if anyone comes after you, they’re coming after me, and they’re not going to make it very far.”

Anton admires the glass in his hand, rotating it so the sunlight above reflects onto the tablecloth. The patio is silent for a moment, a rare thing our household. “You believe this deeply in the Unity Project, Mr. Stark?”

“I do,” says Howard.

“So do I,” Obadiah says, “That’s why I joined him three years ago, and that’s why we contacted you. We need you to make this work.”

“And you, Mrs. Stark,” Anton turns to me, jolting me awake out of my half-asleep trance. “You believe in your husband, these men, and their inventions?”

I put on my very best smile, the one I reserve for wooing businessmen and investors, the strongest weapon in both of our arsenals. “With my whole heart.”

Anton drains his glass and sets it down, holding his hand out to Howard, then Obadiah. “Have the papers sent to my office. I’ll sign them Monday morning. But for now, let’s eat and drink, no more talk of business. Let’s enjoy the good weather and good company.” Howard and Obadiah enthusiastically return Anton’s handshake.

Later that night, as we get ready for bed, Howard is still buzzing from this afternoon’s success. He helps me take off my necklace and unzips my dress.

“This is huge, doll, I can’t believe we got him. He’s gonna help us change the world. The arc reactor is closer than ever than becoming real. We’re gonna change everything.”

He takes me into his arms, strong and rope-like for years of hauling heavy machinery around his garage, and kisses me, first with an impeccably soft touch, then desperately. He holds onto my waist like a lifeline, still as fervent for me than when we married. I hook my fingers into the belt loops of his pants to get closer to him, taking the wheel and taking control. He chuckles into the kiss at my touch, and I buck my hips into him, just enough to throw him off balance and make him fall onto the bed behind him.

I climb onto his lap, hiking up my skirts, and place my knees on either side of him.

“How about we end the day on an even better note, then?”

NOTE: Some of the dialogue of Howard and Anton’s meeting taken from Iron Man 2: Public Identity, a comic book set before the events of Iron Man 2. Summaries can be read here - https://marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Iron_Man_2:_Public_Identity . I added Obadiah to the meeting.

#where ignorance is bliss #wiib reading #iron man #marvel #what if #fanfiction #canary writes a fanfiction

1 note · View note

vampykitty-kun · 8 years ago

Text

Update:

Well, it’d been about a year or so and I guess it’s time to say that I’m not dead. I’ve only just now, as of an hour ago, gotten internet hooked up in my ‘home’.

This past year was a train-wreck.

the move I planned for almost 2 years, and spent all my savings on, was a bust. I had to move back after only 3 months, because once I got out there the property owner changed their mind on a whole bunch of crap. I spent the entire summer in 80-100 degree weather and no AC. Given that I was up in Wisconsin and lived my entire life in northern IL me and heat do not get along. They wouldn’t let me have the electric company come out and install electrical lines, because the company needed the property owner to sign off on it and he was a paranoid ass that kept insisting he was going to get stuck with the bill despite me having the cash in hand and the order being under my name. I spent the 3 months with one extension cord, no gas, no plumbing.

The guy that moved me out there also moved me home. He was a neighbor that was friends with my mother but only 3 years older than me. He was in a rough spot. Lost his job, his girlfriend left him, and the roommates he acquired after she left stole the rent $ and ditched him. By the time the 6 hour drive home was done he managed to convince me to move into his house. My father had stolen my bedroom after I moved out, threw out all my furniture, and was not going to give my room back. Neither parent wanted me to move back in with all of my pets either. I would have been stuck taking my grandma’s old room, which never would have fit all my stuff, and I had no furniture to speak of while this guy already had a bed, dresser, and TV in a room for me.

I took the chance and moved in. Honestly I just wish I never tried to leave home. I moved in mid September and spent the next several months without internet, paying all his back rent, paying most of the ongoing rent, buying all the food and cleaning supplies, etc, etc, etc, to the point that I’ve never been so tapped out financially in my life. He did start working on Halloween, but then was bad with his money, and it took several occasions before i had to start demanding to see rental receipts because not only would he often not give the landlord as much as he said HE was giving him, he often kept money I gave him for the rent and spent it elsewhere. Then because He was having to ride a bike home 40 mins from work as the buses didn’t run that late, he bought a beater car from a co-worker when we still weren’t caught up on rent. In the end I had to even contribute to that cost. Then we were FINALLY almost all caught up and he was laid off the first week of March.

It got to the point that I flat out refused to pay for anything anymore, sold some things, and started saving money for my own place. But as many people know, renting with multiple pets is a nightmare. We were about to be evicted, he at the drop of a dime acquired a girlfriend who moved in the day they started seeing each other, and I ended up having to drop another $600 to avoid ending up out on my ass. He and she were of course supposed to contribute to that, but they didn’t. She did get a job and start paying rent after that, but he only managed to finally start work last week. I of course no longer have money saved up to move out so I’m trapped here until at LEAST July. I had to pay to get the internet hooked up and $100 towards rent again just 2 days ago.

Past housing related issues there have been plenty.

Right before I moved out May 2016 my grandmother had a stroke. She ended up in rehab, recovered some after a few months, then came home. But then she had another stroke and ended up with mercer, and ended up back in the hospital just a week after coming home. She did not recover that time. She ended up in hospice. I did manage to go see her a few times before she passed away November 4th, just 2 days after my mother’s birthday and we had gone to see her.

Atticus, my sweet, adorable smooshy faced kitty jumped out the window a week before Halloween. I had repeated yelled at my roommate to put the screens back in the window, but he was ‘anti-screen’ saying it blocked air flow. I then repeated told him to warn me if the windows were open so I could lock Atticus in my bedroom. He of course never remembered. I was outside when he jumped out the window, I heard his collar bell, and did go after him. Unfortunately it was already dark out and I had no idea where the flashlight was, so when he dove into the garage I let him stay there. The garage has no power and has been used as storage so it would have been a nightmare trying to get in there in pitch black. he had gotten out a couple times before, during the day though, and after an hour or so he’d always come running if called. Those of you that followed me closely know I’m very anti-indoor/outdoor cat due to the zillion safety risks. I wasn’t thrilled by any of this. Well I tried an hour later to get him in and he did not come. I sat down, watched a movie, and just as it ended it started storming. I went out looking for him, got soaked completely through my coat, got the flashlight from the roommate who was home by this point, and NOTHING. He was no longer in the garage, not in the yard, not under any of the cars, not at my mother’s around the corner, he simply vanished. I went a few hours later and checked again after it stopped raining, and nothing. Checked in the morning, nothing. Walked the neighborhood listening for his bell when I called, nothing. I put up fliers. I called every animal control, shelter, rescue, and vet in the area. Nothing. Brought the fliers to them even. Checked animal control and the local rescue in person several times, nothing. I had this cat for 10.5 years and he just vanished without a trace. I got to hoping that someone at least found him and was cruel enough to me and attached to him to keep him. He was half persian which is a desirable look. But at least in that situation he’d be alright. My roommate watch me go nuts for weeks never giving up. It all ended when I found out from this girl he liked and I never talked to (I guess he thought I never would, but I went to McD’s and we started up a convo though when we ran into each other) that my cat was dead. As it turns out my roommate’s friend a block away found him the day after the storm dead at the curb in the grass near his house. My poor cat ended up hit by a car in a thunderstorm and died alone and in pain, all because of stupid ass screens. Instead of giving me the closure, my roommate hid this shit from me. He apparently told the girl this saying he had to get it off his chest but didn’t want to upset me. Then when I confronted him, he denied it. But he’d lied to me about so many things since moving in I never believed him. I continued to bring it up regularly, until he finally got fed up and admitted it to me. He claimed he went to confirm that it was him, then came home for a bit before he went back to pick him up, only to find that the city had already removed him. I doubt it. So not only did I not get the closure, but I didn’t get to bury him or anything. He never intended to tell me. he watched me continue searching. Watched me gt into the neighbor’s car and go to animal control various times. So yeah... coming on here to see that my profile pic was still my poor cat landed me in some serious angst...

Then after Grandma passed and the new year started, my mother had a stroke. Just after grandma had had her two. Turns out she had lupis, and it did something to her heart and tissue tore, and some of that tissue pinged around in her brain. She didn’t lose any feeling, but her speech and some other things were affected for a couple weeks. Because it was the heart and lupis that ultimately caused it, they ended up having to put her on the proper meds, and she had to have open heart surgery to correct the tears. She has since recovered mostly.

Meanwhile I’ve been having a nervous breakdown and existential crisis the past years and it finally blew up to the point where I couldn’t function at all, barely left bed, slept an average of 14 hours and still woke up physically and mentally exhausted. I had lost a good 15lbs out in Wisconsin for 3 months but at this time I have since gained 30lbs. Enough was enough, I started having some seriously shitty thoughts, and I went and got a medical card and adulted, scheduling a shit ton of appointments. I’ve started getting my bad teeth fixed, the ones I suffered through for the past 6 years. My blood pressure is magically stable despite the massive amounts of stress. No diabetes, a miracle. All my bloodwork came back normal. They have me scheduled to check for a couple different cancers, as there’s several in my immediate family. They have me seeing a therapy lady 1-2 a month for anxiety and depression. My anxiety got so bad in all of this that I started breaking out into hives and rashes at random. They have me on anxiety meds now and while they’re still trying to figure out dosages it did completely get rid of the rashes. They want to see how I do on these before they decide how to address the depression. They said if I think I need it they can assign me to someone to see weekly, but really I’m taking baby steps.

Past all angst and chaos I’ve really not done that much fandom related, and I feel I have to apologize even though I guess I sorta have a legitimate excuse? I did draw some things during my time out in Wisconsin. They’re inked and I had started coloring them but never did finish. I didn’t touch any of my fics, though I certainly don’t want to abandon them, it’s just been a bad time. I did however start on two actual novel-novels, one of which is probably 2/3 of the way through. It was honestly easier in all of this to write something outside of fandom.

As for what I’m currently into, I’m still a big BatFam fan, but I did get into the Marvel Cinematic universe, and several Marvel comic titles outside of that. For the most part not their big main people, I like a lot of the smaller characters and a lot of the alternative versions of main people. I also dove into Teen Wolf the past couple months and a I forgot how much anything werewolf related thrilled me, so it’s been a good time there.

Idk where I’m going from here. I waited to come back to tumblr until I had my own internet connection. I guess I’ll just have to see how things go. I did miss this site’s content quite a bit, and shit, I really missed a lot of the people on here even though I’m sure some of you are gone, and no one has the same profile pics anymore, and a lot of you have even changed your names, so things are confusing, but I’ll figure it out.

I’m glad to be back and I seriously hope I can finish pulled myself out of this hole.

~Vampy

4 notes · View notes

redwallthoughts · 8 years ago

Text

Redwall Midwinter Miracle: Day 3 part 1

Thanks again to @raphcrow for her help with this chapter

FF.net, AO3, DA

[Ch. 1] [Ch. 2] [Ch. 3]

Announcement: I will be livestreaming while making cover art for this fic tonight (4/14). Details here.

Rough recording of Sheodin's Farewell

Yarrow Freebeast rose early, rubbing sleep from his eyes and leaving his wife, Kastern, to slumber on peacefully. The abbey was quiet and still in that magical hour between morning and night. Soft sounds of snoring and the gentle babble of babes speaking aloud in their sleep echoed throughout the red sandstone halls as Yarrow padded down toward the cellars. The cellarhogs, Ferdy and Coggs Stickle, were also up. They welcomed him with a beaker of warm cider and a seat near the small brasier they had used to heat it.

Yarrow had met the pair the day before, and taken instantly to the twins. They quite enjoyed hearing wanderers’ tales, they had told him, having wanted to be warrior-carpenter-cooks when they were dibbuns. Yarrow, for his part, had been more than happy to answer their questions. They had taken a particular interest when he mentioned the quality of the drinks at the feasts. The art of brewing had been the topic of conversation for the rest of the evening, with Yarrow explaining that he helped in the brewery whenever in Noonvale, and how he had developed his own special brew. By the end of the night, Ferdy and Coggs had invited Yarrow to help them select the drinks for the third day of feasting, claiming it was important to gather outside opinions from time to time.

And so it had come that Yarrow sat with Ferdy and Coggs around the small brasier, sharing a quiet breakfast before beginning the task of selecting the barrels that would need to be tapped for that evening.

Ferdy let out a sigh of contentment as he lowered his empty beaker. “Ah. Naught like a drop o’ warm cider to start a cold winter day.”

Coggs nodded his agreement, heaving himself up and off of the seat. “Right then. We’d best get started.”

The trio wandered the cellars, marking a barrel here and tasting a sip there, all the while pondering over the scroll Ferdy held for the list of drinks to bring up that evening. They had nearly finished their rounds when Yarrow heard paws on the stairs, and saw a pretty mousewife making her way down into the cellars followed by two young mice and a squirrel. He recognized one of the young mice right away. It was Tintin, Brome and Lavender’s eldest. The youngster’s bright blue eyes marked him as Lavender’s son. The other two he recognized from the evening of the first feast. Yarrow was not surprised to see that Tintin had teamed up with the pair. From what he’d seen, the two were thick as thieves and loved to make mischief.

“Good mornin’ to you, Columbine,” Coggs said, “And to you three, Gonfflet, Chugger, and your friend. I do hope you ‘aven’t come down to try swiping anythin’.” The pair in question quickly tucked their paws behind their backs, shaking their heads vigorously.

Columbine laughed goodnaturedly. “Let me know if they take anything, and I’ll straighten them out. Have you seen Martin yet this morning?”

Ferdy’s spike rattled as he shook his head. “‘Fraid I haven’t, marm. He’s prob’bly still asleep, what with no sun to wake him up. Why don’t you send the youngins to check, eh?” He watched Gonfflet, Chugger, and Tintin disappear down the passage, then turned to the small brasier to set a new beaker of cider over the flame. “Were you lookin’ for anythin’ else, marm?”

Columbine nodded. “Goody wants to know what you two are planning to bring up for this evening.”

“You’re in luck then, we just finished the list.”

While the two cellarhogs discussed the menu with Columbine, Yarrow watched the passage the youngsters had vanished down. He knew from Ferdy that the passage led to extra store rooms, as well as one bedchamber which Martin used during the winter when the snow got too deep for him to stay in the gatehouse. His vision clouded slightly as he recalled the dark days of Marshank. The question of what had happened to Martin after the siege was not exactly forbidden in Noonvale, but it may as well have been. There had been hope in the first few seasons after, that perhaps Martin might return someday. Yarrow had spent many a free afternoon seated on the rim of the valley, hoping to be first to spot some sign that the warrior mouse had returned. Such a day had never come. Eventually he stopped going. Little by little, the former slaves of Marshank had given up on seeing Martin again, though the loss struck them nearly as hard as if he had died.

Yarrow was not entirely certain how to feel about finding Martin. In a way, he was glad that Rose and Brome had been the first ones to speak with the warrior. Yarrow had not been terribly close to Martin, being a season younger, but he had looked up to the older mouse. And then Martin had left. A part of Yarrow wanted to confront Martin and ask why he never returned to Noonvale. Another part of him already knew the answer, and could not blame him for it.

The sound of splashing water and a shout from down the passage pulled Yarrow from the dark corners of his mind. There was the patter of paws on stone, and then the three youngsters burst back into the main cellar. Gonfflet and Chugger were laughing uproariously, as though they’d just played the perfect prank. They ducked behind Ferdy and Coggs, pulling Tintin with them, just as Martin emerged from the passageway dripping wet and blinking sleep from his eyes. The faded blue tunic he wore clung to him, soaked as though some enormous fish had decided to spit on him.

Ferdy couldn’t stop chuckling as he tossed Martin a barkcloth towel. “That water was for rinsin’ your paws and face, Martin, not for takin’ a bath.”

“Aye,” Coggs chimed in. “‘Tis cold enough on these winter morns without soakin’ yourself.” Martin said nothing as he toweled himself off and accepted the beaker of cider that Ferdy had warmed for him.

“Great seasons, what happened?” Yarrow did not want to laugh at his childhood friend’s predicament, but he had to admit that Martin did look rather comical standing half-awake with his fur sticking out in every direction.

Columbine sighed and pulled Gonfflet and Chugger out from their hiding place. “I’ll wager these two dumped the washbasin on Martin to wake him up.” Turning to the two miscreants in question, she waved a stern paw under their noses. “What’ve I told you two about dumping water on a beast to wake him up? T’ not to, that’s what. Someday you’re going to get somebeast sick doing that.”

“Silly Mama,” Gonfflet giggled. “You’re the one who’s always telling me that a drop of water doesn’t hurt anybeast. How could we get somebeast sick by splashing them?” He grinned unapologetically.

Yarrow shook his head. “I’ve seen it happen,” he said. The laughter died almost immediately. Gonfflet and Chugger stared at him, their eyes round with surprise.

“You’ve seen it happen, sir?” Chugger asked.

Yarrow nodded. “I was kidnapped into slavery when I was a dibbun. The guards used to throw cold water on us to wake us in the winter. I saw two of the older slaves die because the water made them too cold. They ended up freezing to death.” He watched Martin’s face while he was speaking, hoping to glimpse some sort of reaction. Though Martin’s eyes were still clouded with sleep Yarrow glimpsed a hint of confusion. It flickered for a moment, then disappeared as Martin looked to his left. Yarrow glanced up and saw Gonfflet and Chugger with horrified looks on their faces. Realizing that he may have said too much, he smiled and tried to reassure the youngsters. “Don’t worry, I’m sure nobeast would freeze to death in this abbey. I might have gotten a bit carried away in my description.”

Columbine smiled and shook her head. “No harm done,” she said. “These two needed the lesson anyways. Oh dear, Martin, your fur’s going every which way again.”

Martin, who was looking slightly more awake now, ran a paw through his fur to smooth it down.

“Right,” Columbine said. “I think I’ve got everything I came down for, I’ll see you all later at breakfast. Gonfflet, Chugger, don’t forget you promised to help Trimp make treats this morning.”

Chugger clasped his paws to his brow. “I’d nearly forgot ‘bout that!”

Gonfflet just chuckled. “If we hurry, maybe we can snatch a few candied chestnuts on the way. D’you want to come with, Tintin?”

Tintin shook his head. “I think I’ll stay here and see what Mr. Yarrow’s doing.”

“Alright,” Chugger said, already starting up the stairs with Gonfflet on his tail. Within moments they were gone.

Yarrow rubbed a paw over his face. “I hope they don’t take my words to heart. Me and my big mouth.”

“Nothing wrong with saying what you’re thinking,” Martin reassured him. “I’m sure those two will either have forgotten it by evening, or else at least learned something from it.”

“Still, I didn’t need to go into detail.” Yarrow grinned to himself and shook his head. “You’d think I’d’ve learned by now, what with my wife being an actress and all.”

Martin chuckled. “If we’re going by that logic, then there’s several things I should have picked up long ago. I’m Martin, by the way.”

Yarrow shook Martin’s paw firmly. “Yarrow. That youngin’s Tintin, Brome and Lavender’s son.”

Ferdy watched them with an amused smile on his face. “Careful there now, Yarrow, see that Martin doesn’t break your paw. He’s got a powerful strong grip.”

Yarrow’s smile grew wider. “So do most of the freebeasts from Marshank. Nobeast wanted a wimpy pawshake like the compound snitch, so we started shaking paws as firmly as possible.”

“Seems like a good reason to me,” Martin said. He finished the cider in his beaker and turned to Ferdy and Coggs. “So, what’re you two up to this morning?”

“We’ve got to tap the barrels we’ve chosen for the feast tonight,” Coggs told him. “Most everythin’ else is done.”

Martin nodded, setting his empty beaker with the others. “Which barrels need tapping?”

Coggs showed Martin how they’d marked the barrels needed, while Ferdy took Tintin and made a round of the cellars lighting extra torches. Yarrow shook his head at the resemblance between Martin and Tintin when the younger mouse stopped a moment next to the older. Tintin was taller and more slender than Martin had been at eight seasons, but the pale eyes set into dark fur proved an eerie similarity. Yarrow was glad, at least, that Tintin still had the spark of childhood innocence in his eye, which Martin had lost long before he and Yarrow had ever met.

It did not take them long to assemble the chosen drinks. Five pairs of paws made the work quick and smooth, with Tintin running empty flagons back and forth to the adults and Martin collecting filled ones. Tintin seemed particularly excited to be allowed to help with such grown-up work. Yarrow made a mental note of this. If Tintin continued to show such interest in brewing, then Yarrow would have to try recruiting him for the Noonvale brewery when they returned.

Soon enough, they gathered around the still burning brasier, Tintin perching on top of a barrel while the adults sat on wooden benches. Ferdy nodded to the three mice. “Thanks for your help, made things go far faster than we thought it would.”

Yarrow grinned and pulled a canteen from his satchel, which he had brought down with him earlier. “Since we’re all here, would you like to try a drop of this? It’s my own special brew.”

“Get another beaker for the lad, Ferdy,” Coggs said, “I’ll rinse out the ones we used earlier.”

Yarrow waited until all five beakers were cleaned and lined up, then poured a small amount into each one. The dark liquid danced and sparkled in the torchlight. “I’m afraid it won’t be quite the same as it usually is,” Yarrow said. “I’ve kept it as best I can over our journey, but it’s still not the same as having it straight from the barrel.”

Ferdy and Cogg nodded, preoccupied with examining this new drink. They swirled their beakers, examining the color and consistency, as well as sniffing it appreciatively before tasting. Tintin, who had tasted the drink before, was already slowly sipping his. Coggs took a slow sip, savoring the flavor as a grin spread across his face. “Now that’s a quality gin. What’s in it?”

Yarrow allowed himself a small smile. They liked it. “Juniper berries,” he answered.

“It does taste quite nice,” Martin said. “A bit piney. Reminds me of walking through a pine grove.” He took another sip of the gin. “Do you have a name for it?”

“Juniper’s Smile,” Yarrow said quietly.

Ferdy gave him a crooked grin. “I suppose it’s named after somebeast?”

Yarrow nodded. “A dear childhood friend of mine. He was like a brother to me.” He paused a moment, swirling the contents of his beaker as he pictured the last time he’d seen Juniper alive. “He perished at Marshank. Once I found out juniper berries could be used in gins, I knew I had to try my paw at making one.”

Martin nodded slowly in the silence that followed. “It’s always nice to find a special way to remember those dear to us,” he said finally. “Far too many lives are lost to war.”

Silence fell again, and Yarrow was almost sorry he’d brought out the gin. He had not expected Martin’s comment. Have we lost you too? He wanted to ask the warrior. But such a question would only confuse Martin now. How could Yarrow explain to him the grief he’d seen on Barkjon’s face when Martin didn’t return to Noonvale? How could he remind Martin of the times Martin had taken the blame for something he or Juniper had done, just so that they would not be whipped? Even in the past day and a half, Yarrow had seen that same selfless side of Martin again and again. It hurt to see his childhood friend acting so similar and yet so different, almost as if the Martin he had known truly had died and been replaced with another.

The silence had become almost unbearable, when Tintin began to hum. He started softly, the quiet tune rising and falling in a comforting melody Yarrow recognized. Eventually, Tintin began to sing. The young mouse’s voice was soft, but clear, carrying easily throughout the cellars.

“I hear a voice across the sea,

Calling you and calling me,

‘Tis a sweet sound that speaks of long rest,

Yet in my heart I know,

Not I, but you must go,

While here I must stay behind.

Go now my friend,

Unto that quiet place,

Where there is no such thing as pain,

For in my heart you’ll stay,

Until such a day,

As we may be united again.

May you find the quiet streams,

And still forests,

Where the children lost to time do still play,

For I know that in those trees,

‘Neath the branches and the leaves

I’ll find you again someday.

Go now my friend,

Unto that quiet place,

Where there is no such thing as pain,

For in my heart you’ll stay,

Until such a day,

As we may be united again.”

Yarrow brushed tears from his eyes as the last notes hung on the air. Tintin had inherited his family’s talent with music, and it was apparent even at his young age.

“Sheodin’s Farewell,” Martin said quietly. “It’s been many seasons since I’ve heard that song.”

“You know about Sheodin, sir?” Tintin asked.

Ferdy chuckled. “Martin’s the one who told us the legends.”

“It’s an old tale,” Martin said. “Old tales tend to travel far. How did you learn it, youngster?”

Tintin grinned. “Auntie Rose taught me. She says it’s one of her favorite legends.” He finished his gin and slid down off the barrel, setting the empty beaker on an open space on the bench.

Yarrow scratched his ear, trying to remember how the legend went. He was sure Barkjon had told him at one point or another. Martin must have seen the confusion on his face, because the warrior gave him a small smile and said, “Sheodin was a warrior, though the legends never specify where he was from. He went off to war with his friend, Kelshin, who was like a brother to him. They had many adventures together, but always came out alright.”

“Until one day they didn’t,” Yarrow murmured. “I remember now. One day, an enemy archer got lucky, and killed Kelshin. Sheodin wandered for many seasons, mourning his friend, before returning to their childhood home.”

Coggs chuckled loudly. “Sounds a bit like Martin when you think about it. Don’t you think so Ferdy?”

Ferdy nodded. “Aye. So it does.”

“How does that sound like me?” Martin asked. He set his empty beaker next to Tintin’s.

Coggs shook his head as though the answer was obvious. “Can’t you see? Sheodin left his family home when he was very young, just like you. You both spent many seasons wanderin’ and becomin’ great warriors. Not to mention that you went back to the northlands six seasons ago to visit your old home. Only difference is that you didn’t stay there, you came back t’ Redwall.”

Ferdy stroked his chin. “Right, but what about the friend who died? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Coggs, but we don’t exactly know much about Martin from before he came to Mossflower.”

“I think that part is similar,” Martin said quietly. The twins fell silent.

Tintin climbed back up onto his barrel and faced Martin. “How would you know if you can’t remember? Papa says that you forgot a lot of stuff, so we’re not supposed to ask about your past or where you came from.”

“I remember a few things.” Martin’s eyes had gone distant, and he spoke as though half-asleep. “Mostly feelings and abstract thoughts. But I do know that I was grieving something or somebeast when I entered Mossflower.”

Coggs slapped his paw down on the bench. “That settles it.”

“No it doesn’t,” Ferdy interrupted. “You’re forgettin’ about the sister.”

Tintin tilted his head to one side. “What sister?”

Ferdy laughed. “ It’s the last part of the legend, you see. Sheodin wandered for many seasons, mourning his friend, before returning to their childhood home. There he found healing with Kelshin’s sister, whom he married.”

“Auntie Rose never mentioned that part,” Tintin said.

Coggs sighed. “If we’re goin’ to compare Martin to Sheodin, we might as well forget about the sister. My ol’ father says roses’ll bloom in midwinter afore Martin courts a maid, even if the rest of the abbey wants to see him happily married with a family.”

Martin shook his head and grinned, though Yarrow could not help but notice that the smile didn’t reach Martin’s eyes. “What would I do with a wife? I’ve got my own family right here at Redwall and I’m more than happy here.”

“Try sayin’ that when you wake up cold and alone out in the gatehouse,” Ferdy murmured to his twin.

Coggs sighed and made a show of standing. “Alright you lot, best be up to breakfast afore somebeast has to come down lookin’ for us. ‘Specially if we want to get enough food for a decent meal.”

Tintin grinned and slid off the barrel, calling over his shoulder as he dashed for the stairs, “Last one to the table is a fat frog!”

Martin laughed as he followed the youngster. “Fat frog, eh? We’d better follow him. I’ve met enough of those to say I wouldn’t want to be one.”

Brome set his empty plate aside, pleasantly full of good food, and turned to see how Primrose was handling her scone. The little maid appeared happy enough, though Brome wasn’t quite sure how she’d managed to get strawberry preserves between her ears. He was having a rather difficult time removing the preserves until Columbine handed him a damp cloth from her seat across the table. “Thank you,” he said as he wiped the sticky mess from Primrose’s head.

Columbine smiled and waved a paw at her son and husband, who were seated either side of her. “I’ve learned to keep one around in case one of these two gets into trouble.”

Brome chuckled and handed the cloth back. “It happens that often, then?”

“Only once in awhile,” Gonff said with a grin. The chubby mousethief winked broadly before surprising Columbine with a kiss. “Not that you mind, d’you my pretty flower?” Columbine didn’t answer, so Gonff turned to the rest of the table and asked, “So, what’re the plans for the day? Anything fun?”

“Don’t forget, you’re supposed to help Martin move into the cellars,” Bella reminded him. The big badger stood and began clearing the table.

Gonff was the picture of innocence. “Me, forget to ‘elp my matey move his things? You know that would never happen, Bella.”

“What about last summer, when we were supposed to help Columbine rearrange the infirmary?” Martin said without looking up from his plate. “I don’t recall seeing you about for the first half of the day.”

Gonff glared at Martin and aimed a leftover bit of scone at him. “That was different. It wasn’t my fault the sun made me drowsy in the orchard.”

Skipper nodded. “Must’ve been the birds what stole Goody’s pie that mornin’.”

Before Gonff could start up another argument about pie, Rose said, “I am curious about what’s going on today. I’ve got nothing planned for the afternoon.”

“Do you s'pose you could help us with moving Martin’s things then?” Gonff asked, completely forgetting his previous argument.

“Gonff,” Martin broke in.

Gonff waved a paw at Martin as if dismissing him. “Martin’s got most of the notes on how the abbey’s built.”

“Let me guess,” Rose said, “They’re written in northern runes?”

Gonff nodded. “I tried havin’ Gonffleft an’ Chugger sort them last time. Martin stayed up half the night re-sortin’ ‘em.”

“I don’t mind, Gonff,” Martin said.

Gonff fixed the warrior with a mock glare. “Are you tryin’ to deprive the maid of havin’ somethin’ t’do today?”

Rose giggled as Martin looked down at his plate and murmured, “No.”

“I’d love to help,” Rose said. She turned to her brother, “What are you planning, Brome?”

“Abbess Germaine has kindly offered to compare medical notes in exchange for helping to resort the herb supply,” Brome said. The Abbess smiled and nodded, her eyes twinkling as others around the table began explaining their plans for the day.

Lavender had agreed to help Columbine and Lady Sandingomm with a scavenger hunt for the dibbuns. Skipper apparently knew of a holt up north and was planning to ask Keyla and Tullgrew if they’d ever heard of the place. Lady Amber mentioned a roof-beam she need to look at, although she firmly insisted that Martin not worry about it unless she needed his help. Martin grumbled his agreement, causing Rose to start giggling again. And with that, Brome found himself heading to the infirmary with Bella and Abbess Germaine.

Bella carried Abbess Germaine up the stairs and carefully deposited her on one of the infirmary beds.

“I’ll be down in Great Hall or Cavern Hole when you finish,” Bella said. “Come find me when you’re done and I’ll bring Abbess Germaine back down.”

“Thank you, Bella,” Brome said, before turning to the table of herbs. It was easy enough at first to compare uses of familiar plants. Comfrey, feverfew, motherwort, and of course the ever present dock leaf. Brome found they had similar uses for most of the herbs he knew, which did not surprise him. Then he noticed the small satchel of herb hanging ready by the door.

“What is that for?” he asked, nodding to the satchel.

Abbess Germaine smiled sadly. “I haven’t used that in many seasons, though Columbine still keeps it ready in case we need it again.” She sighed, and indicated that Brome should take a seat before she continued. “There were many creatures to tend to in the seasons following the Mossflower war. Some, like Martin, stayed in Brockhall with us until Redwall was completed enough for us to move in. But others moved farther afield, building their own homes in the woods. That was my emergency satchel. I didn’t want to waste precious time gathering supplies whenever somebeast came to Brockhall in the middle of the night. Even so, there were some that could not be saved.”

Brome nodded. “There are times when no medicine can help,” he murmured. “We lost many in the seasons following the siege of Marshank.” It was rather amazing when he thought about it, that they had managed to save so many lives. He did not realize that Abbess Germaine had spoken again until the silence returned. “I’m sorry,” he said, looking up from his paws, “I was a bit distracted. What did you say?”

The smile on Abbess Germaine’s face was both sad and understanding. “You wonder now if you’ve lost Martin as well, don’t you?”

22 notes · View notes