#i have a whole playlist 'ultimate playlist of musicals' on my spotify. yeah and what about it

[cursivebloodlines]

the way i've been taking 3538520 years again to do anything because i've been just vibing to songs from musicals on spotify lmfaoooo oops??

[seaofreverie]

Sparkstember Day 24: FFS (Things I Won't Get)

I have something terrible to confess, which is that at first I was not much of an FFS fan, at all. I actually actively DISLIKED most of what I've know from them at that point, which was what the Spotify algorithm seemed very content to throw at me whenever possible until it eventually forgot about it. Well, nothing wrong with that I guess, but I also want to think that most of my initial aversion to this project came from how I was still pretty, uh, close-minded in a sense when it comes to music at the time (and I'm saying all this as though FFS is even THAT much of a departure from Sparks, which it's really not? But maybe I just I saw it differently back then, which I guess is also fair).

But yeah anyway, I had a huge change of heart a couple months later, decided that all these songs are incredibly cool actually and I'm a huge fan now. This is a very solid collaboration and album and I'm so glad this happened. Like, it really is among my very favourite things from Sparks that I barely ever think about in such terms for some reason. Because I've noticed that I treat FFS more like a compliation than an album maybe? Cause yeah I'm pretty sure this is the only album where I have 30-40+ plays on several songs and only around 5 or so on a couple others. And I'm not super attached to the order of the tracklist either, and I'm mostly saying this because I've been a 100% albums over playlists type of person for the longest time. I will listen to the whole album start to end even if I don't like everything on it. It's like, well, if I like the whole thing enough to revisit it, then too bad, I'm sitting through it all until I can enjoy everything on it to at least some extent.

Overall, to me this album embodies that mid-2010s electro pop / indie rock energy that I love very deeply, in the sense that it feels appropriate to think, had I known about it back in the day, I feel like I would have LOVED it and it would have been my personal soundtrack of those early middle-school years of my life (or even earlier, I have this one note of me saying that "FFS is so primary school-core it hurts", so. While it didn't exist in the world yet at that time it still FEELS like that time, and I absolutely love it when music reminds me of a period in my life from around its release even if I was absolutely not aware of it yet at that point. It's like this source of free nostalgia that you didn't know would be attainable from this particular place.)

Also I will just say that it's ENTIRELY because of FFS that I eventually decided to give FF a go as well, and now I'd consider them one of my favourite bands, so, well, heck yeah to that!!

Favourite songs (and other highlights):

Johnny Delusional: oh yeah, I think it's important to note that it was especially THIS song that I found annoying as heck in the beginning. I thought it got very schematic and predictable at points (the long pause after the bridge especially I found to be so.... ahhhh come on, I could see this coming from a mile away!!) All of, which... well, maybe that was still a valid point in a way, but who cares since I love this song now, absolutely and completely and it's just soooo replayable. Every day is a good day to listen to Johnny Delusional a dozen of times

Call Girl: huge huge fan of the intro on this one and that whole wobbly synth sound it has

Dictator's Son: I really like that little guitar riff moment during the bridge

Police Encounters: notably the only FFS song among those early ones for me that I really liked from the start. And it's the ultimate jam, it's incredible how instantly happy and energized this song always makes me feel even after so many listens

Save Me From Myself

So Desu Ne: maybe the biggest offender (positively) when it comes to that "primary school-core" sound. Those cutesy synths are so important to me personally

The Man Without A Tan: realized quite regrettably late how much of a banger this is

Things I Won't Get: you know how it is with me and Russell's falsetto

So Many Bridges

[svcredveins]

38

38. Favourite song at the moment?

Honestly, I have so many, so I never say what my favourite song is because I love my music. I have a whole variation of songs on my iPhone in iTunes, even Spotify so yeah haha

If anyone wants and if it’s a thing, I can share my Spotify playlist!

One of my chill playlists with literally hundreds of songs, whoops lol

If you’re feeling “on the edge” here’s my “on the edge” moments whenever I’m doing intense sim racing stuff. I don’t listen to music whenever I’m on Assetto Corsa Competizione because I take it seriously and must focus on the engine sounds and what’s around me, but if I have a moment where I wanna do a 2 hour race or something in Le Mans Ultimate, then I pull this playlist up hence the name, Le Mans Ultimate haha. That gets my little heart going!

[tokiro07]

Undead Unluck Week 2024

Day 7 - A Song You Associate with UU: This Is Your Sign by Citizen Soldier

I said that Favorite Arc was the hardest and cruelest choice among these prompts, but that was shortsighted of me. This is the hardest choice I've had to make this entire week. My Undead Unluck playlist on Spotify is over 140 tracks of songs that in some way made me think of UU, either thematically with the series as a whole, with specific characters, with specific events, etc.

However, I was able to make that decision about 90% easier by narrowing it down to a single band: anyone who's been following me for a while should be unsurprised that I knew from the beginning I'd be going with a Citizen Soldier song, but I've got 14 of them on that list, and they're all great as UU songs. Despite how much I've talked about it, though, I don't think I've ever explicitly shared what about them works so well

Citizen Soldier's lead singer, Jake Segura, is a clinical therapist, and views his music as a form of group therapy. Many of his songs deal with themes of depression and suicide, either from the perspective of someone crying out for help or the one responding to the call

UU literally starts with Fuuko attempting suicide, and the overarching goal of the story is Andy's elaborate assisted suicide. Tatiana's request for Billy to send her to see her parents, Chikara's wrestling with whether his parents would want him to atone for their deaths, Rip permanently wounding his eye during his botched suicide attempt; nearly every character contemplates, desires, or attempts suicide at some point or another

But they are all also saved from their lowest moments. Andy appears as Fuuko stands on the ledge, Billy gives Tatiana a homemade treat, Fuuko showed Chikara that his life had purpose, and Latla stopped Rip just before the blade hit his neck. Even Andy's desire for death has clearly faded since meeting Fuuko, learning that his real desire is to live surrounded by people that he loves

If you're standin' on the ledge and you hear this song play I'm tellin' you, this is the evidence If these words find you alive and it's still not too late I'm tellin' you, it's no coincidence

This Is Your Sign is about those chance meetings, that feeling that the world is against you and that you might as well give up only for something to suddenly change and give you the push that you need to hang on a little longer

This is your sign, a shootin' star, a satellite in space That who you are is so much more than all your darkest days This is your sign, it's just the start, and everythin' could change This is the moment you'll remember you decided to stay (you decided to stay)

The people, the sights, the experiences that make life worth living are the privilege of the living. Choosing death means giving up on possibility, trading everything that could be to escape what is. If Fuuko had successfully committed suicide, she never would have befriended Tatiana or Mui or Chikara. She never would have had her whirlwind romance with Andy, she never would have gotten to wear beautiful dresses, she never would have gotten a second chance at attending high school, and the world itself would have been destroyed. Juiz would have failed to loop, and the Union wouldn't have made it to the final world. UU takes the concept to its logical extreme, but the ending of Fuuko's world would have literally been the end of the world

If you're wishin' you were dead and hear my voice, this is fate 'Cause this is meant for you, yeah, every single word If it seems nobody cares and you're alone in your pain No matter where you are, this is the miracle that you deserve

Citizen Soldier's songs want you to know that something better is coming, that if you keep going you'll eventually find something to make it all worth it. Sometimes it takes a miracle to remind us of that, but ultimately it's our decision to fight on. Someone or something can come into our life, but we have to be the ones to save our lives

Barely holdin' on and scared to death There's a reason that you're hearin' this and you're not dead yet If you're waitin' on a reason why (the reason why) This is your sign to save your life

Andy was Fuuko's inspiration, but she was the one to embrace her Unluck for Andy's sake. She was the one who decided she didn't want to die anymore. She was the one who decided to loop to do for everyone else what Andy did for her

Undead Unluck and Citizen Soldier both helped me through hard times. They both equipped me with tools to cope when I was down, with weapons to keep fighting for the life I want

There are so many other songs I wanted to talk about today. Irreplaceable, Through Hell, Stronger than My Storm, Hallelujah (I'm Not Dead), and many more. If you need a soundtrack for Undead Unluck, you really can't pick a better band than Citizen Soldier

If I've convinced you to give them a listen, I hope you'll find at least one song that helps you the way they've helped me. I hope whatever you're going through right now, that this will make it easier. I hope that anything I've said in this post, this week, or even the last four years has helped you in some way. If you yourself have been waiting on a reason why, then please let this be your sign

Thank you to everyone who participated in Undead Unluck Week. Thank you to everyone who helped show me that my current favorite is as well-loved as I always knew it could be. Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed my posts this week. You've all helped me to enjoy life, and I hope I've done the same for you

As I said yesterday, and in every chapter review for the last several months: until next time, let's enjoy life

[tuesdaytothursday]

when you get this, list 5 songs you like to listen to, publish. then, send this to 10 of your favourite followers ♡ (no pressure on the second part)

This is songs I like to listen to, but like filtered through longtime favorites? Sorted in reverse chronological order, because that’s fairest (and, honestly, puts the best song last). YouTube links because I don’t use Spotify, and you don’t have to have a YouTube account to listen. Song info in case YouTube doesn’t play nice and you have to look it up on your service of choice.

“Spectrum” / Andrew Belle / Nightshade (2021)

Andrew Belle did what I think of as a trilogy of albums, with a similar sound and mood, that I absolutely love. This is from the third album of those. The chorus is one of the most romantic I’ve ever heard. I am a sap.

“December” / Bleach / Astronomy (2003)

Now we jump backwards about twenty years, to a defunct band that people didn’t really know when they were current, and that even fewer people know today. I wouldn’t say Bleach is an amazing band, but damn it I really like this album, and I love this song. The “great day in December” is, for me, one that happened six years after this album came out, or fifteen years before this December. Like I said, I’m a sap.

“Some Might Say” / Oasis / What’s the Story Morning Glory (1995)

Out of all the songs in my iTunes/Apple Music library, this one has the most plays — and the library count is definitely lower than the actual one, since my app says I added this song in March 2017; I’ve been listening for at least ten years longer. Yeah, “Wonderwall” is a fun meme and “Morning Glory” rocks harder, but you really can’t beat the guitar texture and overall mood of this song.

“Breakthru” / Queen / The Miracle (1989)

Funny enough, I got Into™ Queen around March 2017, and The Miracle became one of my favorite albums. I love the choral intro, I love the synth bass, I love what May does on the guitar, and the rapid waviness when the electric bass comes in, and Mercury’s lead. But mostly, I absolutely love the line “Your smile speaks books to me.” It is the logical extension of “a picture speaks a thousand words,” and way more intimate. Like I said, I am a sap.

“As” / Stevie Wonder / Songs in the Key of Life (1976)

Another March 2017 addition. I was embarrassingly late to listening to Songs in the Key of Life. I’d heard singles by Stevie Wonder on the radio or in TV or movies over the years, but never (to my recollection) sat down and listened to album. Shortly after I signed up for Apple Music, I stumbled on a playlist that had this song on it and was blown away when I listened. Not only was it a song that didn’t get played anywhere I lived, but also, it was a mode I don’t think I had ever experienced. It might be the ultimate love song — for the universe, for the earth, for humanity, for acquaintances and friends and family and lovers, for one’s self. It pulls off the amazing feat of feeling both (a) longer than it actually is and (b) not long enough. The choral vocals, once they come in — and they come in early — feel like a never-ending ascension, never returning home, always soaring higher, like we are all rising to meet somewhere in the upper atmosphere, or maybe even some point in outer space, and we are waiting for everyone before and with and after us to arrive. The song ends the only way it can: by fading out. Because how do you stop what feels like the most joyous chorus ever put to tape? Like I said, I am a whole sap. And it does not hurt that the song (like the album) is impeccably produced.

[satanfemme]

I wish more people tried that "I like all genres of music except for X" thing with me cause I really am in the perfect position to shut that shit down myself. here's my ultimate fantasy. I ask some normie what music they listen to. instead of giving me a real answer, which is probably just pop, they say "everything except for country haha". I act SUPER impressed right off the bat, like "really?? all genres? oh wow!!! that's really cool - you know I don't find people with the same music tastes as me very often -" at this point I'm growing visibly excited. "this is so great!" you can hear my smile in my voice. and I go on, gushing and rambling on about how perfect - validating, even - it is to FINALLY relate to someone else, to share a musical interest with someone. yeah, I'd REALLY milk it. "not even my friends like my music", "maybe we could even go see a show together sometime...? lol jk.... unless?" etc etc. build the anticipation to a genuinely annoying degree. even throw some casual sadcringe in there too, like I'm pathetically fucking desperate here, like my whole bleak music-centered world just lit up at the possibility of a new friend (perhaps even my first friend...?) and now all the casual self loathing is leaking out with the relief. and then, RIGHT as they're just about to interrupt me to get me to shut up, I insist on putting on some tunes "for both of us to enjoy :-)". NOISE.

GRATING INDUSTRIAL NOISE.

HIGHLY EXPERIMENTAL. NOT ONLY UNLISTENABLE, BUT ALSO PHYSICALLY PAINFUL TO SOME DEGREE.

and I'd love it! it'd be shit I'm for real into. but ohhhohohohhhhhh would I be pushing my pirated spotify app into the deepest crevices of my musical library's iceberg.

and what are they gonna say?

what could they possibly say at this point? it's not country. and they said they like "anything but country". you know I'm not gonna crack either, so no way in hell are they gonna be able to casually laugh this off as a joke - not without offending me. they know this. they can hear my genuine tone, they know how serious I am about this. they know they're trapped, and their face ping pongs between hell, mordor, and the nether as they search for an escape hatch. we're in a car. going 90 down the highway. GPS says 1 hour 30 minutes left until our destination, and was their seat belt always so tight at their neck? the doors are locked. if they're brave, maybe, they could try and side step the social faux pas by simply suggesting I show them "another band" or (if they're a clever, equally-matched opponent) "this is great, really, but I'm not feeling it right now at this specific moment. do you have anything a bit, errr, softer?" oh! don't worry, I do!!!!!! haha! haha yeah, lol, uhm give me just a second to switch out this disc with th--

TRAP CARD! we're listening to my necrophilia playlist now. and I'm turning it up.

[zhanyes]

My random pure fluffy headcannons on Zhanyi dating because I have no self-control and I love them too much

- Jian yi doesn't know they're dating, he just thinks Zhengxi is being really friendly and nice ever since finding out about his feelings

- Zhengxi thinks they've been dating ever since Jian yi confessed

- Queue teenage confusion and oblivious one-sided pining from Jian Yi

- Zhanyi going to a cafe together: 

Jian yi: "Ah this is so nice, Zhanxixi, it kinda looks like we're on a date. Not that I'm saying that we are of course!" 

Zhengxi, holding his hand and wiping a crumb on Jian yi's face: "What do you mean? Do you not like it here? We can go somewhere else."

- Zhanyi in a store:

Jian yi: "That scarf looks so cozy, right Zhanxixi? I bet it's expensive af."

Zhengxi: *already heading to the counter to buy it* “It is.”

- Zhengxi thinks Jian yi is just being shy about the whole relationship thing so he doesn't mind taking everything slowly. Jian yi's not shy, he's just clueless.

- Zhengxi flirting ranges from 'Did you eat yet?' to ‘I could eat you instead.' depending on his mood

- They text and call a LOT. It doesn't even matter who does it first but as soon as they're out of each other's range they would instantly text the other on instinct

- They're both spammers. When Jian yi doesn't answer in 5 minutes Zhengxi grows fussy and blows up his phone with multiple texts of "where are you? Why aren't you answering? Jian yi. Hey, answer. HEY. I'm gonna call you." Jian yi just sends multiple text under any context that's just the way he is normally

- They both fall asleep in class because they stayed up all night video calling and neither of them wants to be the one to end the call

- Sometimes Jian Yi falls asleep while video calling and Zhengxi just stares at him fondly through the screen, takes a screenshot and sets it as his wallpaper.  Zhengxi rarely falls asleep on calls so when he does Jian yi treats it as a blessing (and takes hundred of screenshots)

- They have a discord channel with He Tian and Mo Guanshan and they like to chill in the music spam with the music bot. He Tian joins sometimes but ultimately leaves them alone when Mo Guanshan isn't joining (I’m gonna make headcannons for the boys in a discord channel)

- They have a shared Spotify playlist and it's just songs that they think the other would like or relate to. Zhengxi keeps putting love songs and Jian yi keeps putting sad one-sided best friend songs in it. They're both very confused but they like the songs anyway

- Their classmates are confused because they asked them separately if they're dating and Jian Yi said no while Zhengxi said yes

- He Tian and Mo Guanshan knows what's happening and they like to laugh at them from the sidelines

He Tian to Jian Yi: "Do you think friends who kiss their friend, who confessed their long-time crush on said friend, stay as best friends?"

Jian Yi: "That's a lot of friends in one sentence. I get it, okay? I'm just friends with Zhanxixi, no need to rub it in my face."

He Tian to Zhengxi: "Your boyfriend's an idiot."

Zhengxi: "Yeah, but at least he's my idiot."

- Zhengxi likes to take Jian yi on dates. Like a LOT of dates. He's the type to have a folder dedicated for nice date places with good atmosphere and scenery because he knows Jian yi likes pretty things

- He also likes to braid Jian yi's hair because he likes how soft and smooth it is. Jian yi just thinks it's cute that he knows how to braid

Jian yi: "How'd you learn how to braid, Xixi?"

Zhengxi: *Flashbacks of a hundred saved braiding style tutorials in YouTube and practicing on his sister's hair* "It's natural."

- Zhengxi brought Jian yi to introduce him to his parents as his boyfriend and his parents just thinks they've been dating all this time

- They're very, very, supportive. They already saved marriage catalogs and readied their speeches for the two

- Jian yi finds it weird that Zhengxi introduced him to his parents considering they grew up together and he knew his parents like the back of his hand

- Zhengxi asks when he can meet Jian yi's mom and Jian yi thought he developed a thing for her and moped

- Zhengxi is confused™ why Jian Yi is moping but thinks it's because his mom is absent again and he misses her

- Zhengxi makes it his personal mission to cheer his boyfriend up and takes him out on a date in the arcade

- Zhengxi wins the two of them matching stuff toys (an Eevee and a Pikachu) and lets him win at all the shooting games

- Jian Yi uses all his tokens on the skee ball and every other game that isn't used by most of the people there, he got a lot of tickets though

- He uses it to get the sticker packs and two keychains of a ramen and a sushi. He gives the ramen keychain and a heart sticker to Zhengxi

- Zhengxi thinks it's adorable and clips the keychain on his bag and does the same for Jian yi's keychain. Now they have matching charms on their backpacks

- Later at home, Zhengxi sticks the heart sticker on his bedside lamp and just looks at it all the time with a fond smile

- Zhengxi gives him a gift every 1st of April and Jian yi thinks it’s an april fool’s gift but it’s actually their monthsary that day

Jian yi, thinking they’re not dating anyway so it’s a good prank: “I’m breaking up with you.”

Zhengxi, tearing up: “What the fuck?”

- Jian yi finds out more than six months later on a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’ with friends

Random friend: “Never have I ever had a boyfriend”

Jian yi: *puts a finger down*

Zhengxi: “Were you serious about breaking up with me?”

Jian yi: “What?”

Zhengxi: “What?”

- Then they talk and finally they’re on the same wavelength as everyone was forced to watch them act all lovey-dovey

- Tianshan are happy for them but Mo guanshan is pissed because he lost the bet on when they’ll figure it out

[ijswezel]

     all right, i finally shotgunned over 900 saved draft posts in like just a few days this week so that should give you plenty of stuff to keep you occupied on the long drive home. big sorry to the six of you i routinely reblog stuff from for the dire notification spam though lol

     with that done, it’s time for a break. i am trying very hard to be the best person i can be every day and sure i’ve grown a lot in a lot of ways, but i realise i still have a whole bunch of toxic traits that affect other people that i need to sort out. either i unknowingly drive people away, alienate them when they’re trying to love me or i just generally fuck stuff up somehow, or people just find me very easy to put down and be done with. i am bipolar, and am often Too Much in one or an assortment of ways, too intense or too this or that or the other. sometimes it is really difficult because it makes me feel unworthy of any friends but if i keep telling myself that then i’m giving myself no room to change. i lost a lot of people very close and dear to me over the last couple of years, people i love and people i’ve known for years and ultimately i’m the reason why. it makes me as sad as fuck because life is lonely these days and while nobody ever communicates what i did wrong before leaving, it all keeps leading back to the same place and i’m determined to fix it. i don’t want to be a negative influence on other peoples’ lives and i need to reflect on what i need to do to become a better person to people to stop this happening

     it’s one of those things where yeah, i deserve people in my life who are understanding and compassionate and want to know me for me even through the rough bits and the obsessions and the mood swings and the hard bits and the lows as well as when i'm doing well. and yeah, the weight of maintaining friendships and relationships isn’t entirely on me alone. that’s just not fair. but more often than not, the problem is me and i keep affecting others around me in harmful ways. i apologise whenever i can but there’s a point where apologies very quickly become meaningless if It Keeps Happening Regardless

     why the break? well i actually dislike social media in general with the burning intensity of a thousand desert suns, that’s why i only have this blog, and a personal private instagram that often goes months between posts, and even they are sometimes too much. but as cursed as this website is, i hate tumblr the least as a format. it reminds me of the wild west of the old myspace days. i digress, however; this is just something i need to do away from social media in general because social media is absolutely not helping any. i was gonna delete this blog outright at first but it seems a bit of a waste to shitcan it after 11 years (not all on this blog but an accumulated total) so i’m just going to leave it dormant for a while instead and return at a later date

     so if you stumble across this page in the mean time, please enjoy your stay, have a rifle around. ask a question, leave a message, submit a song, submit a thought, maybe. for those that come here for music, my #music tag is in spotify playlist form in my sidebar for easier shuffling (for some reason clicking it from posts throws up errors but the same link from the sidebar works fine). maybe when i’m back i might finally revamp my theme, who knows

     but most importantly, be good to yourself

     i love you. namaste

[swan-of-sunrise]

The Winter Soldier (Chapter Three)

Summary: Steve drops by the VA and listens in on one of Sam’s meetings and later that evening, (Y/N) reflects on her unusual day with the super-soldier.

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings/Disclaimers: Brief discussion of PTSD

A/N: Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter Three (Previous Chapter)

After placing sugar packets and stirring sticks next to the coffee maker, (Y/N) took a seat beside the refreshment table and watched as Sam took his place at the front of the crowded room and began the meeting. One by one, each person would share their struggles with PTSD and how it had affected their lives as civilians; with each person’s story, (Y/N)’s heart clenched in sympathy. These vets have put their lives on the line to protect us, they don’t deserve to suffer, she thought with an inward sigh. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d woken Sam up from a nightmare or had seen him suddenly grow silent and have to distract him from his memories of war. But it was wonderful that people like Sam, people who face the same exact struggles, run programs to help each other out.

Seeing movement out of the corner of her eye, (Y/N) turned to see Steve Rogers leaning against the doorframe of the room, his arms crossed over his chest as he listened to the meeting. Smiling and tugging her sweater tighter around her, (Y/N) turned her attention back to the woman speaking. “The thing is I think it’s getting worse. A cop pulled me over last week, he thought I was drunk. I swerved to miss a plastic bag. I thought it was an IED.”

Sam nodded. “Some stuff you leave there, other stuff you bring back. It’s our job to figure out how to carry it. Is it gonna be in a big suitcase or in a little man-purse? It’s up to you.” Everyone clapped and began standing, so (Y/N) jumped to her feet to man the table. She greeted each person with a smile as they grabbed cookies and filled their cups with coffee, delighted to see so many new faces among the usual crowd. After about twenty minutes of mingling and making small talk, the crowd started to leave so she decided to begin packing up the refreshments as Sam bid them goodbye out in the hallway.

“Don’t take those away those cookies just yet, darlin’, I wanna bring one home to my gran’daughter.”

(Y/N) looked up to see Gary, an older man with an incredibly bushy grey beard and a Vietnam War veteran’s baseball cap, and she smiled brightly before offering him the half-full container. “Take the whole thing if you’d like, Gary, and be sure to say hello to Katie for me!”

That made Gary grin toothily as he took the container. “You know, darlin’, you’re sweeter than this whole damn box of cookies. I’ll be seein’ you next week!” (Y/N) gave him a small wave and resumed cleaning as he limped away.

“You’re pretty popular around here.”

She turned away from the coffee pot and smiled when she saw Steve standing before her, his blue eyes glimmering and his hands shoved in his pockets. “If I am, it’s only ‘cause I give away free cookies; the vets that visit all have a massive sweet-tooth, you know.”

“Are you a vet, too?”

“Nah, I just work here.” She tossed several used paper coffee cups into the trash and chuckled. “A year ago, when I finally graduated with my master’s degree, I started writing my novel and since I was writing about soldiers and government agents I needed to interview some about their personal experiences. So, I decided to come down to the VA. I met with Sam, who had just started working here, and asked if I could interview some people for my writing. He agreed, and I spent the whole day just talking to the vets. All sorts of vets, too; men, women, old, young, you name it. And at the end of the day, after hearing about their struggles with PTSD and how hard their lives became once they returned to civilian life, I went back to Sam and asked if he needed any part-time employees. He said yes, and we’ve been best friends ever since.” Steve smiled, and the impressed look he was giving her caused her to blush so she hurriedly changed the subject. “So, did everything work out earlier? It’s just that it seemed a little serious, so I hope that everything’s okay.”

Steve’s smile fell a little but he nodded. “Yeah, everything’s fine…I was just visiting a friend who hasn’t been doing too well lately.”

(Y/N) impulsively placed a comforting hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, that sounds difficult. I hope they get better soon.” The ghost of a sympathetic smile pulled at the corner of her mouth and Steve’s eyes softened after a moment; realizing that her hand was still resting on his arm, she hastily withdrew it and began folding the tablecloth to keep her hands busy. “Um, Sam and I were planning on going out to dinner after we finish packing up, you’re welcome to join us if you want.”

She glanced up at him and saw a glint of something in his eyes, but it disappeared before she could get a closer look. “Thanks for the offer but I’ll have to pass; I’ve already got some plans later…”

“That’s okay, maybe next time!” (Y/N) smiled, but inside she couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment.

Just then, Sam walked into the room with a stack of pamphlets in his hands. “Pretty good turnout today, huh? Five new faces and Captain America!”

Steve chuckled. “Well, I’m glad that I stopped by.” He glanced at the clock on the wall before continuing, “I should probably get going, but it was good to see you two again.”

(Y/N) shook his hand. “I’m not gonna lie, it was a little weird seeing you in your own exhibit earlier but it was great hanging out with you!”

“You too, and good luck with For Queen and Country, I’ll keep my eye out for it in the bookshops.” His bright smile caused her heartbeat to once-again quicken as their hands dropped.

“It was good seeing you too, Cap, you made me look really awesome in front of Maria, so thanks for that.” Sam grinned and shook his outstretched hand.

“Glad I could help, Sam; see you two around!” Steve gave them a small wave before turning and walking out of the room.

Tearing her eyes away from the doorway, (Y/N) resumed her cleaning and glanced at Sam. “What do you feel like tonight, Thai or burgers?”

Sam grinned and began unplugging the coffee maker. “Burgers. So, did you have a nice day chilling with your new boyfriend, Booksmart?”

“Sam…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that evening, (Y/N) sat down at her desk and put her music on shuffle before flicking through her notebook to the pages of notes she’d taken that day at the Smithsonian. She bit back a smile when she recognized the difference between the carefully printed notes she’d taken by herself versus the illegible scribbles taken from the elderly security guard’s long-winded explanations. He was kind of a fast talker, wasn’t he, she thought to herself; as a way of honoring the enthusiastic old man, she ultimately decided to name one of her minor characters after him.

“Stan.” She sounded out the name and gave a satisfied nod. “Yeah, that’s got a nice ring to it…”

(Y/N), now finally having all the information she needed to best describe Soviet Cold War missiles, wrote for nearly three hours straight, only taking breaks to skip songs or to glance down at her notes. She would’ve probably continued writing well into the next morning except that her eyesight was beginning to blur around the edges, an unfortunate symptom of exhaustion.

Well, you have had a pretty busy day today, (Y/N) silently reasoned as she saved her evening’s progress and booted down her laptop. Since Sam was already fast asleep in the room across the hall, she went about her bedtime routine as quietly as she could, washing her face and brushing her teeth before tiptoeing back into her room. She slipped on her mismatched pajama set and was about to crawl into bed when the record player on her bedside table caught her eye. Making her way over to what Sam affectionately called ‘The DJ Bookcase,’ she scanned the shelf devoted solely to her record collection until the right one stood out to her, and then she carefully placed the record on the turntable and lowered the needle. After a moment, the soft tones of Glenn Miller’s ‘Stardust’ filled her room and with a smile, she finally got into bed and turned to watch the record spinning on the turntable.

Thoughts of the super-soldier who’d inspired her choice in bedtime music began to fill her mind, making her smile softly to herself. (Y/N) had enjoyed seeing Steve again, even if it had been in a highly unconventional place like the Smithsonian, and she quietly marveled at how effortless it had been to talk to the larger-than-life man. He really was different from how the history books portrayed him: not only was he kind and polite, but he was also intelligent, sarcastic and extremely understanding. Also a little lost, I expect, (Y/N) thought, remembering his guarded expressions and withdrawn replies whenever she’d ask him a personal question; it couldn’t be easy adjusting to a brand-new reality, especially without a fixed support system to rely on.

“Hopefully he ends up getting the help he needs.” (Y/N) murmured to herself, her sleepy eyes continuing to watch the rotating record as more thoughts of Steve Rogers filled her mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all liked my little Stan Lee cameo in this chapter and the last :) I’ve created a Spotify playlist inspired by this series, and I’ll be updating it every time I upload a new chapter. Enjoy!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4BenknAqQQnOWY8NmSa23V

Tagging: @mrs-obrien​ @lahoete​ @awkward117​ @cminr​ @momc95​ @awkwardnesshabitat​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @khuang3​ @supersouthy​ @benakenalove​ @brooke0297​ @hufflepeople​ @becausewelie​​ @outoftheregular @supreme-tantrum​

Chapter Four

“The Winter Soldier” Masterlist

[technicallyaminecraftsimp]

*kicks down door* HEY IM BACK I BROUGHT THE PLAYLIST THING IT TOOK A WHILE THERE WERE MORE SONGS THEN I REALIZED :D

Okie dokie, and now I present: All the songs on my c!Tommy Spotify playlist and an explanation of why I connected it to c!Tommy

Just Take My Wallet ~ Jack Stauber - I think this is one of the only songs I have on here that, like everyone already is aware of. The main part of this song focused on is the line “what’s the kindest way to say, you took away my friend, my buddy” relating to how tommy cares so much about Tubbo, and vice versa. The first example I can think of is when techno, someone tommy trusted and was close to, executed Tubbo. It can also be used for Tubbo, and how recently tommy was killed

Sweet Hibiscus Tea ~ Penelope Scott - so remember when ppl were going crazy going stupid bout Rät? Well, listening to that got me to listen to this song and instantly when I heard it, I thought of c!Tommy. Mainly the line “I am not your protagonist, I’m not even my own” can kind of relate to how tommy never wanted to be the hero. He was placed into this hero role involuntarily.

Car Radio ~ Twenty One Pilots - this one might be a bit of projecting oops- but whenever I listened to this song, I related to it because I like to listen to music to distract or calm down. I guess I can kinda see c!Tommy in a similar way. He had to give his music discs up, and for a while lost that memory of listening to them after sweet moments, he lost that escape he could use. And because of that, in the time without the discs, he just has to face his trauma and all that’s happened to him. Most of this is projecting whoops /hj

Change Your Mind ~ Steven Universe - Hghhhgh I’ve been wanting to talk about this one specifically for a looong time. This song is a short one, but I do think it relates to c!Tommy after doomsday and maybe after the prison arc. Sort of like a post-healing arc song. Mainly directed towards Techno and Phil. “I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me” y’all, respect was a big thing between techno and tommy. That whole Axe of Peace thing? And how after the community house discourse, techno told tommy “you’re not worthy of that axe.” And then “I don’t need you to love me, I love me” this might seem a bit like Dadza, but dad or not, Phil didn’t really give much care for tommy. “But I want you to know you could know me, if you change your mind” I’m just saying, the people who’ve come to be close w c!Tommy are ppl who’ve taken the time to know him, and they don’t fight against him because of different opinions. And maybe it’s me missing Bedrock boys, but techno and tommy could become close once again, if they take the time to repair the crack between them and communicate.

Dear Mom ~ Beetlejuice - listen to this, just listen to this and tell me this doesn’t scream Tommy missing Wilbur. Sometime between the end of the Manburg war and before the prison arc, this song fits. The chance of Wilbur being revived is the only reason Dream was kept alive. It kinda gave me exile vibes with the line like “I want something to believe in or im done, take me where my soul can run”.” Also may I note “Dad” could be replaced w Dream

Sober ~ FIDLAR - ajkakja ok this one might seem a bit weird but let me explain. It kinda gave me “c!Tommy is done w everybody’s shit and bites back.” Mainly ‘biting back’ at techno. Especially with lines like “I’m trying to get better, but I can’t do that when every goddamn thing is about you!” Look, I am an c!Tommy apologist, but I say this with a neutral mind; techno (and some techno apologists) wouldn’t listen to Tommy’s response during both times techno released Withers.

Saint Bernard ~ Lincoln - this one, um I don’t know how to explain. Just, vibes of tommy, kinda talking to Dream? Idk man just listen to it. I’ll just point out the line “there’s really just one thing that we have in common: neither of us will be missed”

ART IS DEAD ~ Bo Burnham - honestly I added this one because my wifey said “this is a c!Tommy song” and I agree but I don’t know how

Not Your Seed ~ TGWDLM - Egg Infected!Tommy? Egg Infected!Tommy. Yeah, it just makes me think of Phil and/or techno finding an Infected!Tommy cuz the lines, yknow? Yeah. This isn’t original, I just know it, but y’all get to deal w it /lh

Ultimately ~ khai dreams - healing arc song. I don’t know what else to say, but I’m soft. I soft and this song was roped in because of it.

Our Word ~ 36 Questions - look, you don’t have to tell me, I know Phil isn’t canonically his dad and techno isn’t canonically family at all, but let me manifest mkay? Yeah this is just vibes of dsmp!sbi. Also explains why c!Tommy is always so defensive and never took the blame for things he did. Also, 36 Questions is underrated, listen to it now 🔫 /j

Freeze Your Brain ~ Heathers the Musical - DID I HEAR BAD HABITS TO COPE WITH TRAUMA? YES I DID. SHUT UP. /lh look, Tommy is only now getting therapy and talking about his trauma, it’s just, vibes of bad habits to cope w trauma, even if that habit is slushies. Also, this is not me promoting villain!tommy, villain!Tommy does not and will not exist

Might Quit ~ Bill Wurtz - this is another weird one, let me explain. I just think the lyrics kinda match the progression of c!Tommy’s life, listen to it idk. Also the progression of the verse(?) line “it’s the first day of school, and I think I might quit” look I can’t explain my thinking w all of these, my brain just hears them, goes brrrr, and connects it to c!Tommy. You guys accepted this, so you get what you asked for /lh

Monster ~ dodie - this is a post-prison arc Tommy song and no one can change my mind. For this one, all I can say is listen to the song man. But I while say, the line progression(?) (like the different ways of saying it in the different verses) of the “cause no one listens to the dead” is just such a match, because c!Tommy even said he still feels like he’s dead, not physically, but because everyone is still treating him so.

[duckymcdoorknob]

BNHA Boys Headcannons:

He Hears You Sing for the First Time.

Hi fellas!! Welcome to my BNHA headcannons! I wanted to write something other than my normal fics, so I’ll be posting a master list of these scenarios and updating them mostly bi-weekly! ❤️✨

————————————

Katsuki Bakugo:

Tonight was a calm night during the sports festival. Classes 1-A and 1-B were at a shady bar, engaged in a heavy karaoke contest. It all started with a certain Monoma deciding that 1-B could be superior to 1-A in anything they wanted. Jirou decided to pick a karaoke contest.

Inside, you were mentally cursing yourself. You had never revealed your talent and it didn’t match with your quirk whatsoever. Nonetheless, If it would get that corn-headed bastard to shut up, you were willing to make a personal sacrifice.

After Jirou finished her rendition of I Hate Myself for Lovin’ You, she received almost max on the applause-o-meter. Next it was Tetsutetsu’s turn. You spaced out trying to figure out what you were going to sing. Then it hit. The best song. You didn’t even have to sing, just speak fast. It was perfect.

Tetsutetsu received low applause, making you feel bad in a way, but not too much.

“Next to the stage. Class 1-A, (Y/N) Tamayaki” Monoma announced.

As you passed by him, he flicked your shoulder. You turned your head and scowled at him, “if you’re scared about me beating your 5 on the meter...” you walked on the stage and tapped the mic, “you should be.”

You whispered to the DJ, selecting your most straightforward repertoire song, It’s The End of The World As We Know It

The familiar tinking of the intro played, gaining some hoots and hollers from the crowds. You took to the microphone, “that’s great it starts with an earthquake, birds, snakes and aeroplanes, Lenny Bruce is not afraid”

You masterfully complete the first verse, without a misstep or stutter. Seeing Monoma look like a deer in headlights made it all the more satisfying. When moving into the chorus, you notice a head full of blonde spikes walk through the door.

“Six o’ clock, Tv hour...” you spoke so fluidly it was almost mechanical. The usually stoic boy turned to look at you with a hint of shock in face. You moved through the second verse with a little wobble, mixing a word or two after seeing the explosive blonde.

“The other night I tripped a nice continental drift divide. Mt. St. Edelide...”

After the entirety of the bar shouted “Leonard Bernstein” at you, your turn was almost up. You finished the song with full power in your voice.

The audience erupted into boisterous cheering, leaving you dazed on the stage. Jirou ushered you away with a, “why the hell didn’t you tell us you sang?”

As you passed by Bakugo, you felt a rough hand on your shoulder.

“Oy extra,” a gruff voice sounded, “that was pretty damn cool. Since when do you do that shit?”

Your cockiness from Monoma never left you, “it’s always been there, pretty boy, just never let anyone know it.” You get on your toes and whisper in his ear, “it goes much deeper than this. Let me know when you want to hear more.”

You walk off with Jirou, earning a high five from her. Bakugo stood dumbfounded. Maybe you weren’t an extra after all.

Izuku Midoriya:

Class 1-A’s antics never did end. Kirishima insisted on the whole class hearing his singing voice, a god awful one may I add. So, the class was broken out into full on song.

You had never shown anyone you could sing, it just didn’t fit with your quirk. So you held it off. As soon as the whole ordeal started growing, you found yourself walking to the front of the school.

You plant down on a bench, plugging in your earbuds. You scroll through your Spotify playlist, but ultimately let it shuffle. You un-tensed as the beginning of The Boys of Summer echoed in your ears. You closed your eyes and let lazy lyrics escape your lips.

“Nobody on the road, nobody on the beach...” you quietly echoed the song.

This was the true symbol of peace: no one to bother you while you listened to a bomb ass song. You didn’t notice the added weight on the bench next to you until it was too late.

“Well I can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun...” you quietly let the words escape your lips like clockwork.

You opened your eyes to take in the world around you. You nearly jumped out of your skin when you saw Izuku sitting right next to you.

“I-uh h-h-hi! Sorry to bother you, but you just disappeared. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

You chuckled softly. How could you be mad at this stuttering mess?

“Um (Y-Y-Y/N)? C-could you keep singing for me?” Izuku was flushed. He was embarrassed with himself, clearly.

You let out a soft breath of air, your lips curving into a smile. You let the next words of the song release from you. You leaned back onto Izuku’s lap, not thinking anything of it. You felt the boy tense up in your lap, but he ultimately relaxed and began to play with your hair.

Okay you lied, this was the true symbol of peace. You spent the whole afternoon in the same position; singing along to whatever song happened to be next in the shuffle.

Denki Kaminari: (got a little carried away here. I’m a Kami hoe)

Certain days bring certain events that you can never plan for. The spring festival most definitely had the it’s surprises in store.

You were hanging out with your friends, Mina, Bakugo, Kirishima, Sero and Kaminari. Today has been the best day you’ve ever experienced. So many fun filled events! Bakugo dominated ring toss and won a giant stuffed zebra for himself, plus a giant stuffed Pikachu for Denki. Sero won the ropes course, receiving a small teddy bear. Mina and Kirishima took on a milk bottle toss, in which they both walked away with a stuffie of their own.

“(Y/N)-Chan! You haven’t won a prize yet! What game can we all play to get one?” Mina chimed

“Oh! I’m not sure! I’m not very athletically inclined, if you catch my drift.” You rubbed the back of your neck in embarrassment.

“That’s okay! Neither am I, I just have a good throwing arm” Mina beamed back in response.

You gave her a closed-eyed grin as you continued with the group. You had to admit that you wanted a stuffie of your own, but how were you supposed to win one?

“Ooooh! Look! Look!” Kirishima’s voice suddenly rang.

You look up to see a midsize stage, a huge crowd of your fellow students and Present Mic setting up a microphone. This should be good...

“Attention studennnnntsssssaah!” A booming voice echoed through the field, “come to the stage for a cool talent show! Winner receives a speeeeeecial prizzzeee!~”

You looked at Kiri with furrowed eyebrows. You hadn’t told anyone about your singing voice yet, so you played dumb.

“What could I possibly bring to the stage? My quirk? You’ve all seen it already.” You snapped in defense while fiddling with your hair.

“You can sing! I heard you humming in the common room!” Kirishima bit back in rebuttal.

“That doesn’t mean a damn thing! And even if I could, Ive got tons of other people to go against!”

You looked amongst your friends, who all had the same look in their eyes. You hung your head down and went to Present Mic to sign up.

After a few minutes, your name was called. You mentally cursed yourself as you shuffled onto the stage.

“Next in our competition, (Y/N) Tamayaki!” Present Mic announced.

You looked at Kirishima, who gave you a thumbs up. As the music started, you sucked in a breath. This is it. The tempo grows and accompaniment becomes more intense. You can’t help but smile.

“Movin’ on the floor now baby, you’re a bird of paradise” you began to sing.

Kirishima cheered. Rio was a favorite amongst you and Kiri. You moved through the first verse with great ease.

“Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand.” You were feeling free, not holding back a bit. You sang your heart out through the next verse, masterfully completed the second chorus, and chuckled as the instrumental break sounded.

As the saxophone began to play, you felt a hand on yours and soon you were spun around. Kirishima has come up to the stage to get you to “loosen up”, but he just wanted to perform with you.

“You make me feel alive, alive alive! Luck is on my side or somethin’, I know what you’re thinkin!” You chimed as Kirishima spun you again.

You started the final chorus, while Kirishima beckoned the whole audience to sing. They all obliged except for one...

A dazed Denki stood with a pink tinge on his cheeks. He was awestruck for sure, for you had never revealed this side of you to him.

As the song ended, you stuck your microphone up in the air and smiled wide. The audience roared in applause, and you won a (favorite animal) plushie.

You exited the stage and tried to grab the voluptuous plushie, but it was so heavy you stumbled backwards.

“Woa-! Careful (Y/N)!” Kaminari cried as he caught you by your underarms, “dude! What the hell that was SO cool!!”

You chuckled and helped yourself to your feet, taking one end of the plush and Kami on the other. You both met with your group while Kaminari pestered you with questions.

Ejirou Kirishima:

Finally! Your first semester of U.A High was complete! Today was a great day for you and your classmates to hang out. So, you and your friend group decided to go have lunch somewhere fun.

“Oye Bakugo, I don’t know If I’m comfortable with you driving. Especially considering you road rage something awful.” Denki intervened your thoughts.

“Oh yeah definitely. Do not let blasty over here behind the wheel.” You agreed.

Bakugo glared daggers at the two of you. “I’m a more than adEQUATE DRIVER THANK YOU!”

“You’re welcome! But you’re not driving.” You chimed in response, “Kirishima can”

“Hell yeah!” Kirishima beamed as he trudged to the driver’s seat of his Mustang.

Bakugo called shotgun first, so you were stuck in the backseat with Denki and Sero. Middle set between these two tricksters? Can’t be as innocent as it seems.

Nonetheless, Kirishima started up the car and put the top down. “We’re riding in style today my friends.”

You chuckled and relaxed in your seat. It would be about a 45 minute drive to go where you all agreed, but it would be a fun one. Kirishima turned on his spotify, letting it shuffle. Some slow song came on and you felt your eyes get heavy...

All of the sudden, you saw your eyelids again. You opened your eyes to see that you had fallen asleep on Kami’s shoulder, and that he had done the same.

“Long day at the mill I guess?” Kirishima asked, looking at you in the rear-view mirror with a grin.

You chuckled softly, he was right. You definitely needed that nap. At that moment, your favorite song played on Kirishima’s spotify, Fallen Angel by Poison.

“WAIT! You’re a poison fan too?!” You shot up, forgetting about poor Kaminari on your shoulder. The boy woke up upon impact with the seat, and you gave him an amused puff of air.

“Jeez (y/n) I let you sleep on my shoulder and tried not to move you. But all of the sudden the tables turn and you don’t do the same? Not cool.” Denki said with a pout.

“BUT LISTEN TO THE SONG!” You chimed.

“It’s just guitar right now.” Kaminari responded as he yawned.

“ITS SO MUCH BETTER THOUGH!” You cried, “She stepped off the bus and out into the city streets.” You began to sing.

Kirishima looked in the rear-view again. He saw you absolutely jamming as you sang. He smiled fondly and turned his attention back to the road.

“Just a step away from the edge of the fall. Sometimes you can’t choose-“

“It’s like a heads you win, tails you’re gonna lose!” Kirishima started to sing with you.

“WIN BIG, MAMA’S FALLEN ANGEL, LOSE BIG, LIVIN’ OUT HER LIES.” You both erupted in to song, causing an angry Bakugo to roll his eyes and let out a fond scoff.

You and Kirishima sang your hearts out until the song ended. You repeated this pattern with all of Kirishima’s other music. You and this boy shared such similar music taste.

Kaminari and Bakugo tried to be annoyed, but they couldn’t seem to find a reason to not be amused. When a song you all knew came on, everyone started singing, even Bakugo. Upon arrival at the restaurant, everyone was smiling and ready for a nice lunch.

“I never knew you had such a nice voice (y/n)!” Kirishima cooed, “you and Jirou should totally team up and make music together!”

Your face heated up. “Oh- uh! Heh, thanks Kiri! I’m happy to hear that you’re a man of culture as well. Not many people our age know about Poison.” You rubbed the back of your neck in embarrassment.

Kirishima’s eyebrows raised with excitement, “oh yeah! I love older music! There’s just something about it! I mean the backing music isn’t the main focus of the song, it’s like an accompaniment for the vocals and-“

“Jesus Christ Kirishima. Get a fucking room you two, you sound like Deku with all that rambling” Bakugo’s annoyed voice sounded. You both felt your faces heat up at the comment, walking into the restaurant with a new idea in both of your minds.

Shoto Todoroki: (got carried away here too uwu)

A lonely rainy day. The boys were all at the pool for some “extra training”. It was close to your birthday and the girls were out to find a present for you. You chuckled softly at the thought. You knew straight away what the girls were planning.

“(Y/n) Chan!” Uraraka’s voice echoed through your thoughts, “were going to the shop to get a-“ she cut herself off, “some snacks for you today! We want to get some (favorite chip flavor) chips!” She beamed.

You nodded in response with a goofy grin. They’re the best friends you could ask for. All of the girls took off in an instant, leaving you in the dorms by yourself.

“Waste not want not.” You hummed to yourself as you made your way into the common room. You prepared yourself a mug of (favorite warm drink) (hot choccy gang) and planted down by the large bay window.

The world was silent. Nothing daring to make a sound, but the pitter-patter of the rain outside of the window. You sighed with great satisfaction. How could this day possibly get better? You grabbed your phone and earbuds from the couch and turned on your Spotify.

“Well... it’s just me here. I can practice my audition music if I wanted.” You thought out loud. You clicked in the playlist containing all of the songs that suited your voice the most.

You instantly relaxed and prepared to start as the familiar tweets and twitters of Green Finch and Linnet Bird played through your earbuds.

“Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird, how is it you sing?” You began to softly sing, “how can you jubilate sitting in cages, never taking wing?”

You stared out the window, as if you were acting out the scene yourself, “Outside the sky waits beckoning, beckoning, just beyond the bars.” You stood to your feet and let the music run through you. No one was here to judge you, no one could laugh or glare or, in Bakugo’s case, sneer at you. “How can you remain, staring at the rain? Maddened by the stars?”

You were now in the center of the room, sitting on the couch. “How is it you sing? Anything?” The music crescendoed into a melodious break. You continued to the window, singing the song ever so softly, as if you were singing a lullaby. “Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird, teach me how to sing.”

The rain fell harder as you plopped down on the window ledge, “if I cannot fly... let me sing.” You stared out the window with a soft smile on your face. Yes... this is the best way to spend your birthday. Completely alone, cup of (drink) in hand, singing your heart out... Nothing could beat it.

You noticed that you were out of (drink) and returned to the kitchen to pour yourself some more. Upon exiting, the cord of your earbuds snagged along the handle of a drawer. Before you had time to react, a small beam of ice froze your drink, keeping you from burning yourself.

“Are you alright, Tamayaki?”

You stood dazed, unable to process everything. Your mouth sat agape as you tried to usher a sentence.

“(Y/N)? Everything’s fine, you didn’t fall, I caught you.”

That’s when you noticed the arm gripped around yours. You turned to meet the concerned eye of your best friend, Shoto Todoroki.

“A-Ah! Gomenasai Todoroki-San!” You stuttered as your face heated up, “gee how embarrassing.”

Todoroki simply grinned with an exhale of air. Your eyes widened and eyebrows furrowed as you swallowed, “that means you’ve been here the whole time... and you heard me-“

“Singing? Yes. Your voice is quite beautiful. It was a great accompaniment to my embroidering.” Todoroki admitted with a soft smile.

“-was gonna say talk to myself but...” you covered your face with your hands, “no one’s ever heard me sing before! I was always so careful!”

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. You truly have a gift.” Todoroki said softly, “if you don’t mind, I would like to embroider while you sing to me.”

You pondered. “Well you’ve already heard me, so there’s no sense in hiding. But, I do need some more (drink), because you kinda like froze my original cup.” Shoto nodded with a chuckle and turned on his heel to grab his supplies.

You smiled and retreated to the kitchen for a new cup of (drink). You then sat down on the couch, scrolling through your playlist to find something slow and quiet. When you felt the ouch weigh down next to you, you absentmindedly rested your head on his shoulder.

“Happy birthday (Y/N). Such a peaceful afternoon must be a gift.”

“Hanging with you is a gift enough.” You muttered, hoping he wouldn’t hear you.

“I feel the same. Now, I want to hear your beautiful voice again. Hop to it.” Shoto gently commanded.

You obliged and spent your quiet time with him. Hours passed and still you both sat, attention on each of your hobbies. Nothing could ruin this incredible moment. Until Uraraka bursted through the door, causing you to spill an entire mug of scalding (drink) in your lap...

“Happy friggin birthday.” You cringed as Todoroki patted your lap with a cold dish towel.

[deathbydarkelves]

I decided to make playlists for Cathala and Tarinne plus explanations for why I chose each song because I entered one of those ADHD fugue states and if I didn't finish this task I would die

Anyway here are the two links (they're youtube playlists because I don't have spotify. I would obviously recommend using an adblocker if you're just gonna watch on youtube) and the explanations for each song are below the cut :) Each playlist is about an hour long.

For Tarinne’s:

1. Foggy Nights: I consider this her theme so putting it first as a sort of intro only makes sense.

2. Here’s a Health to the Company: I think this works as an example of her general disposition. She’s a people person, and always a fan of singing these sorts of songs in taverns, on ships, or what have you. It also kind of feels like a sendoff to soldiers, which I imagine symbolizes her joining the Sentinel Army and quickly thereafter fighting in the Third War.

3. Wartime Prayers: Somewhat self-explanatory, this is symbolizing her seeing war for the first time, but I also included it because the last line transitions SO WELL into the next song.

4. The Hollow: This song is an intro to an album I've never heard so I don't know the context, but I really love it because it sounds like someone praying to their deity and like I mean c'mon. Elune. Tarinne's praying to Elune to guide her through the war. Do I need to elabo-

5. Wave Walker: KILL DEATH MAIM AHAHAHAHA

6. Isil Elun’falo: Just a super rad fan-made night elf song that's basically "wow we sure do love Elune" said in twenty different ways for four and a half minutes. But it ROCKS and I LOVE it.

7. Chewing Cotton Wool: This song is about losing a loved one (I did have to check but yeah that's what it is) and I use it to symbolize Tarinne losing her mom during the war. The last line, which includes the song's title, I especially like. It's referring to how morticians (apparently) put cotton gauze in a corpse's throat and mouth to keep body fluids in and make the face look more natural. So there's a fun fact for you.

8. See U Soon (Song for Dad): Just a short lofi piece to rest a bit, and it was also chosen because the title's in reference to Tarinne growing closer to her dad after losing her mom. She still visits him at his leathers and furs shop in Stormwind fairly often, especially after dangerous adventures. She just wants to make sure he knows she's alright ;-;

9. No Lullaby: Right back into it with a song that I use to represent Tarinne's general feeling of not being able to go home because it's not there anymore. She's felt like this since the end of the Third War, but it's especially strong since the whole Teldrassil thing. But I like the ending, "who said you're on your own," because it contrasts the repeating of "alone" in the rest of the song. And it's kinda like "hey, listen, you're not the only one who feels like she can't go home." I mean that's probably how basically every single night elf feels right now skxnks

10. The Moss: This song juxtaposes classic fairy tales with scientific facts about the world and I love it to BITS. I'm using it here to represent both Tarinne's love for storytelling but also her sort of... part-time historian/archaeologist/conservator career.

11. Rasputin: I just associate this song with her for some reason and this was the best place to put it.

12. Electric Feel: Moving on to focus more on Tarinne's relationship with Cathala now. This is an extremely great and somewhat 😏 song that I also included because the electricity theme is appropriate because Cathala has lightning powers and y'know it's from Tarinne's perspective or whatever.

13. Bedroom Hymns: You know why this is here.

14. Movement: I can't talk about love songs without talking about Hozier, okay. This is just a nice, slower song to relax a bit with.

15. Never Let Me Go: I have an entire goddamn music video in my head with Cathala and Tarinne for this song and it’s very dramatic and emotional and I had to include this song or I’d die. Basically just listen to near the end of this song when she's repeating the title over and over, and imagine the two of them seeing each other at opposite ends of a battlefield after the dust settles and they rush towards each other and fall to their knees holding on as tightly as they can because they got separated early on and each thought the other was dead. Then you'll know how I feel when I listen to this song.

16. Nothing That Has Happened So Far Has Been Anything We Could Control: First of all I love the title, and second of all there's a big section in the middle (1:49 to 2:47) that I like to interpret as the two of them grappling with the fact that they're not really quite sure who or what they're fighting for anymore. Their people, yeah, but there's so many alliances and semi-permanent enemies and only-on-every-other-thursday-enemies all intertwined and the world is just so very confusing and they're trying to make the best of it. Elf school didn’t include international, interracial politics in its curriculum. It did however include how to properly plant trees, and AP calculus (this is a joke).

17. In Dreams: I like to imagine this song is something the two of them would say to each other, as a way of saying “even when everything we know is gone, even when the world ends, I will still be by your side. And if I’m not, don’t fear, for I will find you.” It makes a nice note to end on :)

For Cathala’s:

1. muse: Just a nice lofi intro to get us into things :) I don't see this song as her theme, like I do with Tarinne and the first song in her playlist, but I like it quite a bit. I don't actually really have a theme for Cathala yet, I'm currently going with a version of Way of the Monk from WoW's OST but I'm still looking for something better.

2. Frogs Singing: I included this because it's about just appreciating nature, which works because night elf and also mindfulness and meditation is a whole thing.

3. Tongues: This is a song about feeling distant from your peers which is like Cathala's whole existence! She's this weird mix of two cultures and ultimately she feels out of place regardless of where she is or who she's with. Also the theme with not understanding what people are saying works because the poor woman had to learn Pandaren from scratch and that shit ain't easy. I think blizz said somewhere probably that Common is just a language that EVERYONE knows inherently because Video Game but that's bullshit in my opinion. I'll allow spells that let you understand foreign languages to an extent (Comprehend Languages from D&D lets you understand the LITERAL meaning only, which I like), but every culture and species in the universe knowing Common is silly if you think about it for more than two seconds.

4. Kung Fu Fighting: I'm legally required to include this song. Also I prefer the Kung Fu Panda version, I'm sorry.

5. Harder Better Faster Stronger: I vicariously experience having a great work ethic through Cathala and that's why this song is here because she has 999 Determination and does Too Many push-ups every day or something idk. I was gonna say "every morning" but I have a headcanon that elves only need to sleep every couple of days (sort of a nod to "elves don't need to sleep at all" from D&D, and to explain why NIGHT elves are active at all hours of the day) so that doesn't work.

6. What's Up Danger: This song is Cathala's whole Vibe. Almost zero threat assessment skills in this woman's brain. If it can be punched, she will punch it.

7. Eye for an Eye: Fairly self-explanatory, it's a song about wanting revenge so... yeah. Checked that box. It was this or The Vengeful One by Disturbed but ultimately The Vengeful One's religious symbolism probably makes it fit better as a Tyrande theme lol ("I'm the hand of god, I'm the dark messiah." Did you mean: the Night Warrior)

8. Survivor: Cathala's survived a lot of shit and this could kinda be her making fun of herself for it because "Gods, man! Don't I deserve a break!"

9. Ashes: Really the reason I include this song is the last chunk (2:42 to the end) because holy shit. Listen, if I was gonna include a song with fire motifs, it was gonna be a somber one like this.

10. Into the West: This can kinda represent Cathala just trying to fucking breathe and recover from Teldrassil. Also works because I dunno it has stuff to do with the elves in LotR, I haven't seen those movies in a while. It sounds nice and is melancholy so I included it.

11. Like Real People Do: Cathala loves Tarinne a lot you guys have I ever menti-

12. Into the Wild: Tarinne changed Cathala's world for the better and she's super fucking grateful she has her by her side. Kinda goes without saying but you know.

13. Chasing the Moon: I have a vague music video in my head for this of them falling in love and it's very cute so there's that. Also it's in this specific spot because hey she may be deeply traumatized but she's still got a fair number of things/people in her life that make her happy so :)

14. Follow My Girl: I've got a theme going in my head that while Tarinne is fairly certain of her place in the world, Cathala is still trying to find hers. She outlived all her connections on Pandaria because Elf Lifespans(tm) and the only members of her family still alive are distant relatives she never knew very well.

15. Wish That You Were Here: This works both to represent Cathala on Pandaria feeling super homesick, and for more recently after Teldrassil. Either way, it's a message to her parents and sister.

16. Mr. Fear: She does her damnedest to hide it but she's absolutely terrified something like Teldrassil's gonna happen again! That fear drives her to do everything in her power to protect who and what she can. As long as they're not Forsaken, cause she's still got her biases, that compassion even extends across faction lines. She never really got the whole Alliance/Horde thing anyway. Innocent people shouldn't have to die, regardless of who or what they are.

17. Ordinary Day: Not to get super out there but I think this song works as symbolizing Cathala really trying to hold on to her faith in Elune, but ultimately feeling pretty abandoned. I mean she can clearly see Elune's influence everywhere. But Elune sure ain't doing Cathala any favors as far as she can tell! It also ends the whole playlist on maybe a bit of an uncertain/open-ended note, because this "losing faith" aspect is a new thing with her and will definitely be something she continues to struggle with for a while. On a related note, I should say Tarinne is still very much devout but she gets what Cathala's feeling and doesn't force anything on her, and vice versa. And Cathala wouldn't become atheist, the night elves aren't monotheistic and she still worships all the other deities, it's just specifically Elune she's a little :/ on.

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Stuck in reverse - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here. 

Okay, let’s talk about it! 

Sam Smith – Fix you

I remember crying to the original song (by Coldplay) back in 2005. Whoo boy, lots of teenage feelings!

I’m not the biggest fan of Sam Smith’s music, but one day I was just driving home from work and this song began playing on the radio and by the end of it I could barely see the road.

// When you try your best, but you don’t succeed When you get what you want, but not what you need When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can’t replace When you love someone, but it goes to waste Could it be worse? //

That one line – stuck in reverse – felt just so perfect for a story set in the universe where people invert themselves back and forth.

It became one of the three main songs that inspired me to write the whole damn thing, and also the only title in the story that is not a title of a song as well.

Chapter 1: Ben Platt – Ease my mind 

This is one of the songs I have on my daily playlist, I just love it, and the lyrics are so fitting:

//Most days I wake up with a pit in my chest There are thoughts that I can’t put to rest There’s a worry that I can’t place

Most nights, I am restless and quiet won’t come So I lay there and wait for the sun There’s a trouble that won’t show its face

You came out of nowhere and you cut through all the noise I make sense to the madness when I listen to your voice//

We learn more about the nightmares in the next chapters, but it all starts here. That melancholic vibe stuck with me for the rest of the story I guess.

Bonus song: Lewis Capaldi - Before you go

The combat scene in one song, or at least what I imagined was going through Reader’s mind at that point.

//I fell by the wayside like everyone else I hate you, I hate you, I hate you but I was just kidding myself Our every moment, I start to replace ‘Cause now that they’re gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say When you hurt under the surface Like troubled water running cold Well, time can heal but this won’t//

Have you ever felt that way? Trying to hide your broken heart under anger? I don’t know, it just resonated deeply.

The second part of the song kinda seeped into the next chapter:

//Was there something I could’ve said To make your heart beat better? If only I’d have known you had a storm to weather

//Would we be better off by now If I’d have let my walls come down? Maybe, I guess we’ll never know//

Chapter 2: Kaleo - I can’t go on without you

Another song from my daily playlists (side note – I saw Kaleo once live on a music festival and they were mind-blowing, you should really check out more of their work).

It worked with the story because of its desperate and painful mood.

Bonus: Calum Scott - Dancing on my own

Holy shit, I FELT this one. (Been there, done that). Of course I had to write it into Reader’s past. Actually, I wrote it first and then found the song, but it doesn’t matter, that’s the flashback scene right here:

//Somebody said you got a new friend Does she love you better than I can? And there’s a big black sky over my town I know where you’re at, I bet she’s around And yeah, I know it’s stupid But I just gotta see it for myself I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her, I’m right over here, why can’t you see me? And I’m giving it my all //

Chapter 3: Billie Eilish – Bad guy

No feels, pure bop. This song is so BADASS, I really needed to get that vibe into the undercover mission, I didn’t want Reader to be an emotional mess and nothing else, you know?

Bonus: Tones and I – Dance Monkey

I shit you not, I’ve had that one on repeat for the dance scene. There is something incredibly seductive in that beat, I just couldn’t get it out of my head.

Bonus: Kings of Leon – Closer

It just makes my heart clench and leaves me breathless.

Chapter 4: Ben Platt – Bad habit

Ah, that was the moment when I cursed at myself for using Ease my mind for chapter 1, but we already talked about it.

Even though this song is very emotional, it’s not that heartbreaking, you can hear a faint smile here and there and it just makes my heart sing.

And oh my god, those lyrics:

//You always said that I’d come back to you again ‘Cause everybody needs a friend, it’s true Someone to quiet the voices in my head Make ‘em sing to me instead, it’s you Hate to say that I love you Hate to say that I need you Hate to say that I want you But I do Bad habit, I know But I’m needin’ you right now Can you help me out? Can I lean on you? Been one of those days Sun don’t wanna come out Can you help me out? Can I lean on you?//

They just work with that plot, you know?

Bonus: Dodie – Sick of losing soulmates

Another song that just resonates with the story.

//What a strange being you are, God knows where I would be If you hadn’t found me, sitting all alone in the dark A dumb screenshot of youth Watch how a cold broken teen Will desperately lean on a superglued human of proof

What the hell would I be, without you (what the hell would I be) Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth (hide the truth)

'Cause I’m sick of losing soulmates, so where do we begin I can finally see, you’re as fucked up as me So how do we win?//

Chapter 5: Adele – Someone like you

The whole damn sunset scene + this song on repeat = feels

The pain in her voice? God, it just reduces me to a puddle of tears.

Reader could just sing it at some point to Neil almost word for word.

Bonus: Passenger – Let her go

Okay, the case of that one is quite funny, because I kinda needed to figure out how to get from point A to point B of the chapter, and I was browsing Spotify looking for „campfire songs” or something like that. Of course I’ve heard this one before, but I’ve never actually focused on the lyrics.

And oh boy, suddenly it all became clear.

Headcanon time – in my head, Wheeler and Neil are close friends, she treats him a bit like a younger brother, I just can imagine they know each other very well at that point. Of course she knows hows about his past. Of course she heard about Reader. And she thinks they are both silly babies and they should just kiss, right? That’s why she chooses that song.

Those lyrics – they fit Neil’s backstory so damn well.

//Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go//

And he was stupid enough to let her go. Because his timing was off.

Those lyrics are also perfect to make Reader think about his ex-girlfriend, because of course that is what you’re gonna it’s all about.

Bonus: Del Amitri – Tell her this

Ahh, there it is – the second out of three main songs for Stuck in Reverse.

I remember the moment I found out that Rob Pattinson sings and writes music, then I listened to some of the songs and my heart went whoooosh. So I just had to make Neil play a guitar, I just needed to find out what song would be The One.

Do you remember that flashback about them both watching a tv show on his couch? Here, you’re welcome. 

I recently started rewatching Scrubs and when I got to that episode – ding, ding, ding!

This is the ultimate “hey, I fucked up, I shouldn’t have let you go, I’m an idiot and I love you.”

Chapter 6: Imagine Dragons – Next to me

I adore that song. It warms my heart. I think it fits Neil and Reader’s relationship.

And I needed all the fluffy feelings to switch the tone of the story to something lighter.

Bonus: Michelle Branch – Everywhere

This one is a silly bop, and it always puts me in a good mood. A nice song to listen to when you are happy, in love, and you are making breakfast.

Bonus: Ashlee Simpson – Pieces of me

This one (same as the one before) came to me from Zach Braff’s workout playlist, haha. I mean I almost forgot about it, but it makes me smile every time I hear it, and the lyrics work nicely:

//On a Monday I am waiting Tuesday I am fading And By Wednesday I can’t sleep Then the phone rings I hear you And the darkness is a clear view Cause you’ve come to rescue me

Fall, with you I fall so fast I can hardly catch my breath I hope it lasts

It seems like I can finally Rest my head on something real I like the way that feels It’s as if you know me better Than I ever knew myself I love how you can tell All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me//

Bonus: Kaleo – I want more

Is there such a thing as a warm melancholy? Because that is a vibe I get from that song.

//Turn back, leave all you had Forgive, I’ll forget 'Cause what we need is what we once had Time won’t stand still Just say you will 'Cause I need you there and now

If you leap, I’ll come falling too Running deep 'til that rivers through I don’t mind what you have to do 'Cause I won’t think less, less of you

Yes, I want more, more Looking for more I want more, more 'Cause I want more

Old grounds Feels like the weight has been lifted away So don’t you leave me there wanting more//

Chapter 7: Ben Platt – In case you don’t live forever

I mean it’s not my fault that Ben’s songs make me FEEL things, damn it.

The whole damn song = utter heartbreak when you think about Neil coming back to Reader before he goes back to Stalsk-12 to open that damn lock.

//I, I’ve carried this song in my mind Listen, it’s echoing in me But I haven’t helped you to hear it We, we’ve only got so much time I’m pretty sure it would kill me If you didn’t know the pieces of me are pieces of you

I’ve waited way too long to say Everything you mean to me

In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you now I love you more than you’ll ever wrap your head around In case you don’t live forever, let me tell you the truth I’m everything that I am because of you//

Bonus: Charlene Soraia – Wherever you will go

Why am I doing this to you? Because we all like pain.

This one is for the scene on the deck:

//So lately, been wondering Who will be there to take my place When I’m gone you’ll need love to light the shadows on your face If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all Then between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would I’ll go wherever you will go Way up high or down low, I’ll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I’ll find out A way to make it back someday To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all Then I hope there’s someone out there who can bring me back to you//

Bonus: Rhys Lewis – No right to love you

No light, only pain and suffering.

//'Cause I have no right to love you When I chose to walk away I have no right to miss you When I didn’t wanna stay And I have no right to need you And I knew what my heart was gonna lose I have no right to love you But I do, I still do Yeah, I still do//

Bonus: Knox Brown x Gallant – Reignite

This song is just so incredible, it makes my palms sweat and my mind going places. Yep, it was on repeat.

Oh you know which scene this one is for.

Bonus: Freya Ridings – Lost without you

The last dialogue. On repeat. Because this song breaks my heart and leaves me a sobbing mess.

//Strangers rushin’ past Just tryna get home But you were the only Safehaven that I’ve known Hits me at full speed Feel like I can’t breathe And nobody knows This pain inside me My world is crumbling I should never Let you go I think I’m lost without you//

(OI, SPOILERS) 

Chapter 8: Florence + The Machine – Never let me go

I have only one thing to say:

Fuck you, Nolan.

Third out of three.

//And it’s over and I’m going under

But I’m not giving up I’m just giving in

Oh, slipping underneath So cold and so sweet

In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold And all this devotion, well, I never knew at all And the questions I have for a sinner released In the arms of the ocean deliver me

(Never let me go, never let me go Never let me go, never let me go)//

Bonus: Sasha Sloan - Dancing with your ghost

Suffer with me.

//Yelling at the sky Screaming at the world Baby, why’d you go away? I’m still your girl Holding on too tight Head up in the clouds Heaven only knows Where you are now

How do I love How do I love again? How do I trust How do I trust again?

I stay up all night Tell myself I’m alright Baby, you’re just harder to see than most I put the record on Wait 'til I hear our song Every night I’m dancing with your ghost Every night I’m dancing with your ghost//

[absynthe--minded]

Blessed Hands Will Break Me: The Official Playlist

listen on spotify // listen on youtube

cover art by @princess-faelivrin

Okay. So. I’m gonna try and walk you all through this playlist? It’s a combination of “songs I listened to while writing” and “songs that just have A Vibe”; it’s a little over an hour in length. It’s vaguely meant to evoke the flow of the story, but there’s a little back and forth to facilitate a better listening experience and make it less jarring.

Survivor - Oceans: (And I can’t help but wonder out loud ‘If only we could go back to square one, if finally we could pinpoint where we lost touch, I’d stand alone reaching out my hand to you’) This is where we start the story, more or less, with Findekáno confused and lost and a little angry. It’s a song about separation, about not knowing which way is up or down, about wishing you could rekindle a lost relationship and being a little desperate to do whatever is necessary to fulfill that wish. Also the music and the production create this wonderfully mournful tone; I do get the impression of speeding across a dark ocean with nothing but pain behind and uncertainty ahead.

Emilie Autumn - Castle Down: (Trying to balance all that I had left with what I didn’t have anymore) Findekáno finding out about Maitimo’s capture, and being lost, and trying to rebuild his psyche after such a devastating blow, and wrestling with the fact that his husband is both his savior and his destroyer in one.

Shinedown - If You Only Knew: (I don’t regret any days I spent, nights we shared, or letters that I sent) More reeling from loss - this is very much a story about what you do for love, and musing on what you had before tragedy, and Findekáno’s mental state through much of chapter two matches this kind of frustrated brooding. Not to mention that he’s tormented by Maitimo’s situation and absence enough for his sleep to be disrupted - it’s all he can think on, and it consumes him. The fact that this is sung to an absent lover who presumably can’t hear the singer’s thoughts and isn’t aware of them only makes it more poignant.

Adelitas Way - Last Stand: (And I can’t make it without you, I need a second chance ‘cause I wanna make it about you - I’m making my last stand) Of course, he ultimately does decide that, for better or for worse, he’s going after Maitimo, regardless of the impact on his life and the lives of his people. This is a song about trying to do right by your partner after some kind of separation, and it’s just frustrated and desperate enough to tug at my heart.

Kamelot - Lost and Damned: (Leave me behind, don’t look back) When Maitimo becomes aware of the fact that Findekáno is sharing his consciousness and is seeing what he’s seeing and feeling what he’s feeling, he responds by shoving Finno out of his head and shredding all he can of their marriage-bond to keep his captors from noticing. This song has a specific story function in a greater rock opera, but it really works here.

Journey - Separate Ways (Worlds Apart): (Someday love will find you, break those chains that bind you) If you’re writing a story about Thangorodrim and you don’t put this song on there, what are you even doing? In all seriousness, though, this was my first song that I ever heard that made me go “oh this is about Russingon”. An eternal classic and full of yearning and desperation and pain, and perfect to describe Finno setting out under cover of darkness, I think.

Icon For Hire - Hope of Morning: (When the hope of morning starts to fade in me, I don’t dare let darkness have its way with me) This song, honestly, more than any other I’ve ever heard, is Findekáno. For one thing I’m hooked on associating him with the dawn, and with the hope that comes with the sunrise; normally in Tolkien the Sun is associated with Men and I think it’s a really interesting thing that Finno also has some of that same imagery and energy tied into him, particularly surrounding his death. But beyond that? This is a song about being worried about your legacy, struggling to balance hope and duty and mental health, worrying always that you’re not doing enough and resolving to cling to the dawn and keep looking forward. I can’t think of a better summation of my favorite elvish prince.

Devour the Day - Oath: (One way or another, I’m coming home to you) This song’s title alone would have earned it a spot on the list, but the fact that it’s called ‘Oath’ but is about endurance beyond all else in the name of returning to a loved one’s side? Yeah, that’s Blessed Hands in a nutshell, especially this first part.

Fireflight - You Gave Me A Promise: (I will hold onto this hope that I have, you gave me a promise, you gave me a promise) This is the part of Finno’s journey north that isn’t him being miserable all the time - he’s doing this for love and for the sake of his marriage and the commitments they made to one another, and the hope he has is the hope that he can do right by the nér who promised to share his life.

Linkin Park - The Catalyst: (We’re a broken people living on a loaded gun) The other half of Finno’s journey north is him worrying and fixating on the possibility that he’s left behind his people to freeze to death, even having an encounter with some sort of ghost that feeds off of that fear. What’s more, this song just has an auditory aesthetic of loneliness and cold solitary journeying through desperate situations, and of uncertainty towards the future; that fits well here.

Bastille - Icarus: (Look out to the future, but it tells you nothing, so take another breath) Mountain climbing song! No, really - the way this balances an urgent, frightened beat and fast-paced instrumentation with lyrics about not knowing what’s coming? There’s nothing better for the moments when Findekáno is terrified out of his wits and afraid he’s going to have to shoot Maitimo, only to be saved by an eagle.

Atreyu - Lose It: (This is it, I’m falling - my wings need to grow, I lose my hold, I will let go) This is a song about being afraid of falling, and doing something terrible and frightening. It’s a perfect accompaniment to amputation, and the sick horror of being forced to make a decision that might end in death for all involved.

Sara Bareilles - Gravity: (I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love) Honestly I like this song less for the lyrics than the overall aesthetic. It’s a peaceful, gentle, regretful tune with so much emotion in it, and its themes of wondering what to do and wondering whether or not to continue on a set path with someone else are fitting. I tend to apply the idea of wanting to leave someone here to mean Finno wrestling with his royal duty - once Sorontar saves him and Maitimo from the cliff, they have the chance to go elsewhere, be other people, leave the Noldor and the Oath and the war behind them. And he chooses not to do this, for both of them, because while he wants to run he knows he shouldn’t.

Skylar Grey - Coming Home - Part II: (I know my kingdom awaits, and they’ve forgiven my mistakes) A soft, sad, mournful reflection on a less than ideal return home, that’s somehow warm and uplifting at the same time. It encapsulates Finno’s feelings on his resumption of duty and social role perfectly.

Meg Myers - Running Up That Hill: (If I only could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get Him to swap our places) And now we come to the heart of Blessed Hands, the song that encapsulates the whole of part I in a single tune. I chose this cover by Meg Myers because I like the instrumentation’s aesthetic more than Kate Bush’s original when it comes to this subject, but any version, really, would work. This is a song about wishing things could be different, about trying to make them different, about wishing after changes and alterations. One other line that speaks to me is ‘Is there so much hate for the ones we love?’ which, in the context of this relationship and these families, cuts right to the heart of the whole matter. Blessed Hands Will Break Me is a story about loyalty, more than all else, and about choosing love over hate, and about trying to defy cruel fate and sometimes winning, and this song covers all of that and more.

[sarcasm-and-references]

hi! here is the spotify link for my Trollhunters playlist in which i chose one song to represent each episode, listed in order:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7mdB5Vss7D0jAAS2S1sbPP?si=RGdbyHgvQY6PUCM_djbRYQ

full list of why i chose each song + some disclaimers under the cut (very long)

first off: it’s named pretty inconspicuously because this is my personal spotify and i didn’t want my friends figuring out what it was

okay so i’m a musician and i love the use of music in media, so i will often draw connections between how i feel listening to a song and how i feel watching a film or tv show

as a result, i’ve compiled a playlist and an explanation for 52 songs (one to represent each episode of Trollhunters). it’s in order but you could also just shuffle it for a generalized Trollhunters vibes playlist

one final thing: this is by no means a definitive list, and it is heavily biassed because of my taste in music which means it is mostly alternative or indie pop and rock music (there are also a few explicit songs, just a warning) so just to put that out there

alright, here is the complete list of why i chose each song:

Becoming: Part 1

Mr. Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra

Nothing too specific, it just gives off the vibes of morning, a small town, and the start of something big. I think the lyrics work a bit too but the sound and energy are perfect in terms of cinematic elements so full send on this one.

Becoming: Part 2

Could Have Been Me - The Struts

Chances are, you know this song if you’re a tik tok cosplayer or have seen any video of that sort. This choice felt right in terms of both lyrics and the music itself. It’s very hopeful and it talks about wanting to make something of oneself. I tend to associate this song with Percy Jackson and there are some parallels there. Kind of a modern-day heroism feel, which is definitely fitting for this show and the episode specifically.

Wherefore Art Thou, Trollhunter?

I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers

This episode seems to me like more basic exposition and is just setting up the first arc of the story, so I chose this song not completely for the lyrics (although I do think they fit for Jlaire in terms of Claire and Jim’s interaction but I’m trying my best not to focus too much on them). I think the sound and energy is pretty good for this song, and if you strip the song to its most simple interpretation, it’s clearly about wanting to improve.

Gnome Your Enemy

I’m Just a Kid - Simple Plan

Ha-okay this choice is a bit of a joke because of the angst but honestly I do think it fits for the gang’s first mission and Jim’s attitude and reluctance towards trollhunting in general.

Waka Chaka!

Killer Queen - Queen

Yeah this is mainly for Nomura and her introduction. Not much thought went into this choice but as I make this list I’m finding that episodes that I choose a song for often end up with a song for a character that’s featured (dw there’s not too many of these).

Win Lose or Draal

Centuries - Fall Out Boy

Jim’s first real fight; showing off everything he’s learned so far. Being a moral person and not ‘finishing the fight.’ A hero in the making.

To Catch a Changeling

Brother - Kodaline

So I think this song could definitely be used to represent Jim and Toby, but I wanted to take the chance to choose a song for the protective trust that Draal starts to build with Jim. Obviously this episode is much more than that, but I see that scene where Jim is reflecting Draal’s fighting moves as the unofficial start of their brother-like relationship. So yes, I did pick a song because of one small scene.

Adventures in Trollsitting

Hey There Delilah - Plain White T’s

This one is a bit of a joke but Jim is definitely simping for Claire in this episode by volunteering to babysit so I have chosen a song to fit with that. (Also, wOw this explanation makes it VERY clear I’m gen z).

Bittersweet Sixteen

100 Bad Days - AJR

Lyrics specifically fit here. Yes, a lot goes wrong in this episode, but the relationships are strengthened (Blinky and Jim) and it’s sweet in the end.

Young Atlas

Number One Fan - MUNA

Not gonna lie, I wanted to sucker punch Jim in this episode. This song choice is kind of satirical but really just for being confident and self-assured. Lyrics fit for the chorus and parts of the verses.

Recipe for Disaster

Carmen, Suite No. 2: VIII. Habanera - Saint Petersburg Orchestra of the State Hermitage Museum Camerata

Wow that’s a long title. Okay this is the only choice that has no lyrics/is classical on this list, but that is mainly because I chose it specifically for Strickler because he seems like a classical music kind of guy (maybe it’s a changeling thing @ Nomura). Also this is a pretty recognizable piece (in my opinion) and I also think it would sound pretty epic and would make for some great cinematic effects if played during the fight in this episode.

Claire and Present Danger

Seashore - The Regrettes

Originally, I was going to go with a song that fit the heroism arc in this episode but! I focus on Jim a lot in this playlist. Instead, this song is a choice for Claire and where she is in the story (finally being brought into the action). I’ve always loved her for being feminine and badass at the same time, so this song is somewhat a choice as an anthem for her (especially her being so headstrong and determined).

The Battle of Two Bridges

Young Volcanoes - Fall Out Boy

Teenage recklessness and power. Reminds me of adventures and young adulthood, plus the whole modern heroism again. I think this song also correlated with a high-stakes battle which is exactly what happened in this episode. Plus? How sick would it be if there was a fight and the strikes and dodges were coordinated with the beats in this song??

Return of the Trollhunter

Kids in America - Kim Wilde

More for the vibes in the beginning when it feels like it really should have been a new season. I think the lyrics fit pretty well here too. Fits with Claire joining the team and the heroes starting to come into their own.

Mudslinging

What’s Up Danger (With Black Caviar) - Blackway

This one was fully for Angor Rot and his first real introduction. He’s presented as an obvious and looming threat. While this song’s lyrics fit more with the more badass side of modern heroism (connects to Jim showing off his skills), I think the sounds fit with Angor and how he has begun to raise the stakes. This also may be a result of me associating this song with teenage heroes since it’s from the Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse soundtrack.

Roaming Fees May Apply

Welcome to the Jungle - Guns ‘n’ Roses

What can I say? The gang finds themselves in an unpredictable situation. It’s an adventurous episode to say the least. I feel like this song is used for action movies somewhat often so I’m throwing it in for this episode.

Blinky’s Day Out

Hooked on a Feeling - Blue Swede

This is almost completely a comedic choice. Barely any thought went into this one, and the lyrics have nothing to do with it. It is purely for the good vibes that always accompany this song because I feel like Blinky’s time on the surface was (at least initially) a “good vibes” situation. The apparent simplicity of being human can feel that way.

The Shattered King

Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley

I’m using this episode to focus on Toby. Although there’s not much character development in this episode specifically, I think Toby deserves a better arc and I do want to give him at least one song. While I think there’s a lot more to Toby than he lets on or that which is shown in the show, he’s often used for humor and is basically the stereotypical funloving best friend. He seems like he’d enjoy a feel-good, upbeat, “classic” song, and there’s silly dancing in this episode so danceable song! (Also if the show were more accurate to today’s teens, I wholeheartedly believe Toby would be a meme-lover).

Airheads

Little League - Conan Gray

I absolutely love the simplicity of this episode, even if it’s just filler, but I have indeed found a way to make it angsty. This song choice is fully for the lyrics (though the sound isn’t completely wrong for the feel of the episode). I think this show gets progressively more emotional throughout the seasons, and, at this point, the kids are competing for Spring Fling nominations while Toby and Claire deal with a ridiculous problem. Something about this episode just seems to represent naiveté and this song talks about longing to return to childhood and innocence.

Where Is My Mind?

Hotel California - Eagles

Seeing as the obvious choice might have been Where Is My Mind? by Pixies, I tried to branch out here. This episode is honestly eerie because the characters face their worst fears but never discuss them or understand why/how it happened. For me, the vibe was a sort of mellow rock song and a dreamlike state. Thus: Hotel California. If I think about it enough, the lyrics work because of the sort of ominous false sense of security that I imagine using this song for in a story. Ultimately though, it’s the sound and energy.

Party Monster

Candy - Robbie Williams

This is solely for the vibes just because it feels like a party song to me for some reason. Sorry I didn’t put much thought into this one. Also though? This song and its lyrics low-key remind me of Mary and this is one of the few episodes in which she was featured somewhat prominently.

It’s About Time

Blitzkrieg Bop - The Ramones

Definitely not for the lyrics, I think it’s just the sound and the energy almost completely for this song. For me, it just seems very high-energy and almost tense because of a fast heartbeat? I can just imagine this song playing as Jim is racing through town as quickly as possible. It’s a bit stress-inducing, honestly.

Wingmen

Victorious - Panic! At the Disco

High energy, but this is more of a simplistic choice to go with the fight scene and the progress we see from Jim as far as his training goes.

Angor Management

Carry On Wayward Son - Kansas

I chose this song as a representation of the dynamic that we see starting to form between Strickler and Jim. They’ve become unlikely teammates and Strickler is obviously a guiding figure for Jim, but I wouldn’t necessarily say he’s a father figure yet? Lyrics play into this choice a lot.

A Night to Remember

Just Like A Movie - Wallows

Specific to the dance scene. Nighttime lit up by emotion; bright kind of vibe. I thought about some other songs like Don’t Take the Money and Reckless Love (both by Bleachers), also Electric Love by BØRNS (didn’t choose that because I don’t really want to support BØRNS but I won’t get too into that). Ultimately, I think this one works best both with lyrics and overall sound. I’m a sucker for Jlaire so I had to focus on this part of the episode and how cute it was (sorry (not really tho)).

Something Rotten This Way Comes

Lessons - mxmtoon

Thinking about what you’ve learned and how to move forward in the present. Correlates more with where the story is at in this season finale, not as much with what exactly happens in the episode. Definitely a choice made for the lyrics (although Jim probably should have listened to the part about patience).

Escape from the Darklands

Hero - Weezer

Any upbeat, modern rock music for me always seems to fit the vibe for teenage heroes. I think the lyrics hit the nail on the head for characterizing Jim in this episode. He feels a huge responsibility and fear, and isn’t sure he can live up to it. Also I love him but going into the darklands alone? Not the smartest.

Skullcrusher

Off She Goes - Bad Suns

For Claire and her development in this episode. The emotion she has to use and how she pushes herself. The vibes are there but the lyrics in the chorus are what mainly influenced this choice.

Grand Theft Otto

Weightless - All Time Low

Not too sure about the sound with this one but I like the lyrics here for the dual plot of the episode. I think the whole thing with having a hard time and struggling but also not giving up hope resonates pretty generally with the trollhunters, but also specifically with Jim in the darklands and Claire and Toby (& Blinky) getting stuff done because they’re determined to save both Jim and AAARRRGGHH!!!

KanjigAAARRRGGHH!!!

Highway to Hell - AC/DC

This one is kind of a joke but kind of not. Seeing as this is the episode that the rest of the group goes to the *Darklands* to save Jim, I think the lyrics unironically fit in a humorous way. Can’t go wrong with classic rock either. (Can you tell I was struggling with this one?)

Homecoming

Life on Mars? - David Bowie

Okay, this is kind of just an excuse for me to throw this song in here, but it reminds me of a ragtag team of heroes who don’t necessarily win but live to see another day (probably because of this song’s feature in American Horror Story: Freak Show). Lyrics not so much throughout the song as a whole, but the vibes are definitely there in the chorus. A joke song that came to mind for this (for obvious reasons) was My Boyfriend’s Back by The Angels.

Hiss Hiss, Bang Bang

Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year - Fall Out Boy

Mostly for the vibes, correlates with the energy that Jim has after finally coming home. Also, lyrics fit pretty well here.

Hero with a Thousand Faces

Istanbul (Not Constantinople) - They Might Be Giants

I was searching for so long to find a song to match the chaos and hilarity of this episode (idc if it’s filler I love it so much), and realized only something just as obscure would work. The song and the episode have virtually nothing in common other than they are both ridiculous and I love them for it (sorry if that’s disappointing but hey). Also ever since I saw The Umbrella Academy use this for a fight scene I’ve loved the idea of this song in shows/movies with heroes so maybe this could fit with when Jim fought Hunter!Jim.

Just Add Water

The Kids Aren’t Alright - Fall Out Boy

I love this episode for the irony of the flour baby assignment. The main group is just dealing with so much more than health class homework at this point and yet they still take it so seriously. I chose this song partially because I really wanted to fit it in this list somewhere but I also think it correlates with the characters being so heavily involved in this dangerous, heroic life and still flying mostly under the radar in their small town. They’re going through a lot yet no one seems to notice.

Creepslayerz

I Wanna Be Sedated - The Ramones

This one is for the eagerness that Eli and Steve have to fight the ‘bad guys.’ They’re excited to form a team and I think their dynamic works with this. Also I love their dynamic so much we need more of them.

The Reckless Club

I Was a Teenage Teenager - Green Day.

Really just a fun loving song about kids being kids. Considered Don’t You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds as a Breakfast Club reference but figured I’d try not to make it too easy.

Unbecoming

Generation Why - Conan Gray

Correlates with ordinary life, lack of adventure and wanting something more (both sound and lyrics).

Mistrial and Error

Run Boy Run - Woodkid

Purely for the scene in The Deep where Jim fights his greatest fear. The lyrics are perfect and I could absolutely see this song playing as Jim faces The Deep.

In the Hall of the Gumm-Gumm King

Revolution Radio - Green Day

I think high energy fights + the neon color palette and destruction in Trollmarket fit perfectly with the energy and sound of this song. Obviously also the epic portal escape at the end. I didn’t want to use Children of the Sun by Thomas Bergensen (although that’s a super good song and the instrumental version, None Shall Live, is used in the episode) and thought this one’s lyrics fit well with the team’s resistance/rebellion and renegade status.

A Night Patroll

Next Up Forever - AJR

This is not particularly chosen for the lyrics, but I do think they fit more or less. Correlates with this being the start of season 3, the tension is getting thicker and the stakes are rising. The vibe here is not necessarily being ready to take on responsibilities you know you have to, and being nervous to do so. (I am definitely focusing on Jim a bit much here, but the show is too).

Arcadia’s Most Wanted

Young and Menace - Fall Out Boy

Although the team has been acting as heroes for a while, this is their first time defeating regular crime - the first few phrases of lyrics fit with that the most. Figured it goes with underestimating teenagers. Also I’m noticing while editing that there is a ton of Fall Out Boy in this playlist.

Bad Coffee

The Reckless and the Brave - All Time Low

I chose this one for one of my favorite team-up dynamics: Jim, Toby, Steve, and Eli. The energy and the lyrics in this song I just think are perfect for this group and I think could also correlate with the whole grave sand training thing Jim did in the beginning (‘reckless’ & ‘brave’).

So I’m Dating a Sorceress

Love is Dead and We Killed Her - Doll Skin

Purely for Morgana’s raw badass energy. That’s it, that’s the explanation.

The Exorcism of Claire Nuñez

Rubi - Doll Skin

Specific to Claire, could also be seen as her possession but leans more into her own personal power. Lyrics are definitely important but I think the sound also fits Claire's character.

Parental Guidance

The Times They Are A-Changin’ - Bob Dylan

Not for the energy at all because I can’t really pinpoint that but! lyrics are important here and (even though I think it’s self-explanatory) represent the parents’ reactions.

The Oath

The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance

The lyrics for this one definitely work - about pain and grief but also moving through it. Definitely chose this one for Draal but his death was the main event of the episode so that feels justified. I think the sound is a bit intense for the energy of this episode but I’m really pushing the angst and sorrow with this one. At least I didn’t use Another One Bites The Dust by Queen >:).

For the Glory of Merlin

Yesterday - The Beatles

This one is a bit of a stretch and it was difficult to choose for a while but I personally see Merlin as a morally gray character (although i wasn’t a fan of how he talked to Claire and manipulated Jim but anyway) and I think he’s got a very complicated past. He mentioned that he used to have a pure heart and I found that very interesting so this song is an ode to who he possibly used to be with its lyrics. Also they literally step back into a frozen moment in this episode in time so this felt fitting.

In Good Hands

California Friends - The Regrettes

More for the sweet relationship building that this episode does, and the potential of a closer friendship (the kind we see in D’aja Vu in 3Below). This song is arguably more about romantic love but I think it could work with platonic. (Also Arcadia is literally in California and we need a sunshiny song amidst all the angst in this season).

A House Divided

Ribs - Lorde

Ha-yeah, sorry guys but I had to do it. Quite obviously specific to the bathroom scene and especially the montage right when Jim steps into the tub, about loss of childhood and memories, growing up. I think a lot of people know and have cried to this song, much like a lot of us cried watching this episode.

Jimhunters

Untitled - mxmtoon

Slowly growing up, having to deal with changing relationships. Dealing with hardships while lonely is clearly a big part of most of this episode, but the song correlation breaks off a bit towards the end; the lyrics focus more on pushing through on your own while the episode talks about counting on one another in difficult times. I think it also plays into being a bit fearful of the future and having to adjust to new situations while remembering the past.

The Eternal Knight: Part 1

Don’t Stop Me Now - Queen

The vibes that go with the battle of the bands and also the onset of the fight when everything is getting more dangerous. Also the part of the battle before Jim takes on Angor Rot and Gunmar, where all the trollhunters, creepslayerz, and citizens are fighting together.

The Eternal Knight: Part 2

Time of Our Lives - Tyrone Wells

I know we’ve all heard this in fan-made edits after a series or show ends, but there’s a reason everyone uses this song. Feels like a very nice culmination, specific to parting ways with those you love after shared experiences. Really just for the last scene. This whole playlist idea came from me listening to this song in an edit and getting emotional so there’s that.

[welllpthisishappening]

To Be Totally Locked Up By You

It’s not a big deal.

So, Clarke and Bellamy are sharing a Spotify account. They share plenty of things already. An apartment. A school. Buying rounds at the bar four blocks away. This is basically the same thing.

Until. Octavia tells them about the playlist. Joint music and both of their listening habits on full display, some ridiculous algorithm that leaves Clarke, quite suddenly, feeling more exposed than ever, sharing emotions and feelings, all set to a soundtrack.

—-

Rating: Teen Word Count: Nearly 8K AN: It’s happening! Admittedly sooner than I expected (I’m still only in season five, but the feelings. I’ve got them) and this is almost too autobiographical to be entirely fair, but I wrote this in like…four hours. So, here it is. Long-time Bellarke fic-reader, first-time Bellarke fic-writer. With lots of thoughts on Bellamy Blake’s curls. Joining a new fandom is exciting and terrifying.

|| Also on Ao3 if that’s how you roll ||

—-

“Why are you and my brother sharing a Spotify account?”

Clarke nearly breaks the pencil in her hand. She lifts her head slowly, not entirely surprised to find Octavia staring expectantly at her, arms crossed tightly enough that it’s very likely doing permanent damage to her ribs. 

Possibly her lungs. 

It’s been a very long time since Clarke took those anatomy classes. 

“Well,” Octavia prompts, one eyebrow arching perfectly. “Yes or no question.” “How did you get in here?” “Did you not hear me come in?”

Clarke makes a contrary noise in the back of her throat, tugging her legs closer to her chest so she can rest her chin on her knees. She’s genuinely impressed with the state of Octavia’s right eyebrow. It appears to be defying gravity. 

She doesn’t really know enough about gravity either. 

Maybe she should make a list of the things she doesn’t know. 

That seems inevitably depressing. 

And Octavia is very clearly not going to move until she gets a response she wants, that stupid eyebrow and a pile of papers resting against her hip. Her phone is just barely hanging on in her back pocket, the soft vibration barely audible over the music coming from Clarke’s laptop speakers and the creaky pipes in their bathroom. 

Bellamy is in the shower. 

Clarke is at least sixty-seven percent positive Octavia planned her ambush that way.

“How do you even know about Bellamy’s Spotify account?” Clarke asks, burrowing further into the corner of the couch. “And seriously, did you pick our lock?” That eyebrow should be studied. 

“I have a key,” Octavia drawls. “Obviously. So, your lock is fine and you can stop trying to deflect the important part of—” “—Why are you here?” Octavia gnashes her teeth, but there’s not really any threat there and Clarke only huffs slightly when she tosses her sketchbook on the coffee table. Because she knows that expression. The phone stops ringing. Only to start again. 

“How many places are you going today?” Clarke asks knowingly, pointing at the open spot next to her. 

There’s another round of huffing and flailing legs, Octavia’s left foot nearly colliding with both of Clarke’s knees, but that’s also impossibly familiar and nearly comfortable and—

“He thinks I should have a wedding cake,” Octavia mumbles. “Like an actual cake. Apparently it’s very historic—” “—Oh my God what an idiot.” “—There’s ancient nonsense involved and something about how that proved you were rich or something—” “—In Rome?” Octavia hums, eyes falling closed like she’s resigning herself to the horrendous ordeal of her older brother buying her a wedding cake. And, really, it’s almost nice. That’s a lie. It’s better than nice and just as expected as Octavia’s flailing limbs. 

Because for as long as Clarke Griffin has known Bellamy Blake, since she met Octavia in an intro to stats class they both hated, she’s known several things about him. 

One, he loves his little sister. More than anything. Two, he likes taking care of people. Octavia, especially, but at some point that also started to include Clarke, which is another nice thing and another vaguely overwhelming thing and—she doesn’t think about that. It is fine. Three, that same protective streak makes him certain he has to do things and provide things and that means driving Octavia crazy with possible wedding ideas. 

And that leads to thing four: he’s an idiot and a nerd in an endearing sort of way that makes Clarke sure he didn’t have to look up that fact about Roman wedding cakes. 

It also makes Clarke smile. 

She ignores whatever happens to Octavia’s face. 

“In Rome,” Octavia echoes. “Anyway that’s what we’re doing. Traipsing around the city and taste-testing cakes and—” “—That doesn’t sound too bad, honestly.” “Stop interrupting me, it will not distract me from my ultimate goal.” “Which is?” Octavia props herself up on her elbows, ignoring Clarke’s groan when she moves. “Do you know how expensive real wedding cakes are?” “That feels like a trick question. In Rome or—” Octavia sticks her whole tongue out when she responds, a noise that Clarke is sure will get stuck in her head for the rest of the day, The shower shuts off. 

And Clarke’s mouth doesn’t go dry, per se, but she’s only momentarily worried that everyone in the apartment can hear the way her heart speeds up, falling into rhythm with her perfectly curated Spotify playlist and it hadn’t been much more than a suggestion, a monetary decision that made sense because—

“Jesus fuck Bell, put clothes on!”

Bellamy grins, another shift of eyebrows that Clarke is genuinely starting to resent, rivulets of water falling down either side of his face and dripping towards the towel wrapped around his waist. “Did you break in here, O?” “Used her key apparently,” Clarke mumbles, hoping the heat she can feel rising in her cheeks isn’t obvious. 

Because thing number five Clarke has always know about Bellamy Blake is that she’s kind of..into Bellamy Blake. In a passing sort of way. That’s just happened to linger for years.

It’s his hair. 

It’s far too curly. 

It’s not—it’s more than that, it’s things one through four and a whole slew of other numbers she hasn’t come up with yet and how easy it’s been to live in the same space, both of them looking for roommates at the same time, mixing lives and remembering to buy creamer and always keeping an extra box of strawberry Special K in the back of the cupboard for breakfast-type emergencies, but Clarke likes to lie to herself and—

“Right, right, right,” Bellamy chuckles. “Well, she’s also ridiculously early.” Octavia scowls. “And standing here. Having a conversation you’re not actually a part of. Or invited to.” “Wow. Scathing.” “Do you wander around your apartment naked all the time?” “That’s not what’s happening. Obviously. Also, I live here. Why are you here so early?” “Just super psyched about cake.” “You’ll want to practice that some more before we leave. You might insult the baker in Brooklyn.” “You’re going to Brooklyn?” Clarke balks before she can stop herself, another noise out of Octavia that cannot possibly be good for her throat. 

“The bakery got really good reviews.” “Oh my God you looked up bakery reviews.” Bellamy tilts his head, more drops of water that are equal parts horrible and far too distracting to be fair. “Was that supposed to be a question?”

“No, no, I am not even remotely surprised that’s exactly what you did.” Endeared, maybe. Perpetually. But not surprised. 

Clarke doesn’t say that. 

Octavia is far too busy swinging her feet back on the floor, a slightly different look than earlier and Clarke glances down to make sure her stomach hasn’t actually dropped. She’s still retained enough anatomical knowledge to know that it is supposed to stay in her body. 

No drop. 

And yet. 

She can’t stop the butterflies or the nerves that rise up the back of her throat, another expression she’s far too familiar with. 

“Fine,” Octavia snaps. “We will go to Brooklyn. We will taste test all the cakes—there better be hummingbird cake—” “—Who do you think I am, O?” Bellamy mumbles. It gets him a well-deserved eye roll. 

Clarke’s going to bite her lip in half. 

“You and Clarke are sharing a Spotify account!” Bellamy blinks. Once, twice, runs his fingers through his hair and maybe it’s just a Blake thing, this seeming ability to twist their bodies in wholly unnatural ways. “Do you know what that looks like?” “Like I wanted to save a couple bucks a month? So it would be easier to do cake-type things?” “Phrase that differently,” Clarke suggests, but Bellamy just smirks and the towel thing is really starting to become a problem. The whole liking him is becoming a problem. But she’s just as unsurprised that this is what Octavia wanted to talk about as she was that he looked up bakery reviews, so. 

“Also,” Bellamy adds, “Clarke already had Spotify premium. It made sense.” Octavia shakes her head. “You’ve got to live together to be on the same account.”

“I thought we already covered that you have a key to this apartment. The one where Clarke and I live. Together.” “It looks romantic. It looks—” Octavia waves a pair of clearly frustrated hands through the air. “—Domestic. Partnered and, like joint playlists and—” “—You know he gets unlimited skips now, right?” Clarke interrupts, a desperate attempt to end this conversation and, maybe, get Bellamy to put a shirt on. 

“Don’t forget the no ads,” Bellamy grins. “That’s been a godsend.” “What an old sentence. Also, you’re a podcast dweeb.”

“Informed, princess. There’s a difference.” “Yuh huh. Whatever.” “As always, your arguments are well-structured and articulate.” She flips him off. He grins. Octavia makes a noise previously unheard by human ears. 

“You two do know,” she hisses, “that everyone is talking now and—” “—You all need to find a hobby,” Bellamy groans. “And I did not tell you this to make you lose your mind.” Clarke perks up, something in the back of her brain startling at that particular string of words. “You told her?”

“Yeah. I mean—well, I know it’s not a ton of money saved, but it’s something and…” He trails off, dots of color on his face and eyes that are suddenly very preoccupied with the floor. “It was nice of you to offer. So, I looked up Brooklyn.”

The music gets louder. 

Clarke is sure. She’s not sure how, but it seems to swell, the beat settling under her skin and in between her ribs, wrapping around a stomach that refuses to stay where it’s supposed to, flipping and flopping and feeling and, for a moment, she forgets Octavia is there. 

For a moment she smiles at Bellamy and he smiles at her and there’s no smirk, nothing except the way his eyes crinkle slightly, half a head tilt and damp curls falling and it’s good and great and then—

Octavia coughs. Pointedly. 

“Alright,” she sighs. “Well, I think it’s dumb and you guys should opt out of the joint playlist. It’s the absolute worst and definitely embarrassing.” “What?” Clarke asks. 

“Do you not know?” “You’re enjoying yourself.”

“Does Bell know about your secret Jonas love?” “What?!” Octavia throws her whole head back when she laughs, a sudden shift of emotion and the water falling off Bellamy’s elbow is starting to leave a small puddle on their floor. “Lincoln and I had it at first,” Octavia explains, “when we got it.” “You don’t think it’s a little hypocritical to be judging our Spotify purchases when you’ve got your own family plan?” Bellamy mutters. Octavia ignores him. “It’s some algorithm or something. I don’t know how it works, only that it takes all the songs you listen to all the time and turns it into a playlist that the entire family can listen to. In this case, that’s you guys. It’s very telling. About you know—you personally.” “I know Clarke personally,” Bellamy reasons. 

“Do you, though?” “I really don’t know how many times we can talk about this apartment.”

“You don’t have to. Because you didn’t know about the Jonas Brothers, did you?” “I really don’t—” “—Exactly,” Octavia says. “Music is...emotional. Certain songs for certain feelings, things that were playing in specific memories. It’s—it’s a whole new avenue to getting a person. Listen to this. Clarke, tell me the truth, how long did you spend making this playlist?” Clarke shrugs. “I don’t know. Not long, but it’s all kind of the same theme...Fleetwood Mac, Clapton, Jefferson Airplane. Good music to draw to.” “What’s the name of it?” “Of the playlist?” Octavia nods. Clarke scrunches her nose. “Music to sketch and avoid stress to,” she grumbles. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Bellamy’s staring at her. Gaping. Like he’s never seen her and it would be overwhelming even with a shirt on. As it is, Clarke swallows back the emotion taking up residence in the back of her throat, ignoring just how exposed she feels and— “You’re stressed?” he asks softly. 

“Not really. Just end of the quarter and you know parents at the school—always think their kid deserves a better grade and I’ve got meetings all next week. So. It’s—” God, she’s going to kill Octavia. And write a strongly worded letter to Spotify. “I knew you guys were going out today. The music is a lot of my dad’s favorite stuff. Calms me down.”

Bellamy doesn’t say anything else, a blessing and the single worst thing in the world, but the ends of his mouth curl up slightly and Clarke should stop looking at his mouth. Octavia grins like she won something. 

“You should put clothes on Bell,” she says. “Don’t want to miss the baker in Brooklyn.” He salutes, all sarcasm and snark, eyes flitting back towards Clarke’s before he and Octavia leave and she lets the playlist repeat three times. He brings her back a slice of cake. 

Octavia texts them both the next day. 

Bellamy grumbles, cursing under his breath about the sanctity of Sundays and Clarke resists the urge to make jokes about the New York Times crossword puzzle or his obsession with finishing it every weekend. 

She reads the text instead. 

Octavia Blake, 11:42 a.m.: I think you guys should stage a bet. A music bet. About the joint playlist. 

Clarke Griffin, 11:43 a.m.: Stop calling it that.

“Now, you’ve done it,” Bellamy murmurs, not lifting his eyes from the newspaper. There’s a pen stuck behind each one of his ears. 

Octavia Blake, 11:45 a.m.: No. I won’t. It’s weird and you guys are weird and if you're going to commit to Spotify, then I think you should bet to see who can control the playlist. 

“Don’t answer,” Bellamy suggests. 

Clarke grunts. 

Clarke Griffin, 11:46 a.m.: What kind of bet?

Octavia Blake, 11:47 a.m.: You guys can set terms. But basically see who can annoy who first with their musical tastes and seize control of the playlist. 

“Why is your sister so violent at all times?” Clarke asks, but Bellamy just fills in another clue and it’s an admittedly interesting idea. She’s nothing if not perpetually competitive. 

Octavia Blake, 11:47 a.m.: One musical genius to rule them all.

She kind of forgets about the bet. 

Or, whatever. 

Clarke’s too preoccupied with those meetings and the Wallace family continues to be the worst family at Mt. Weather, old money and far too many expectations, even for art elective classes that she promises won’t affect your child’s changes at the Ivy League, I swear, and her spine does not appreciate the way she’s sitting in her desk chair. 

She’s got a free period, is seriously considering slumping forward and taking a nap when she hears footsteps moving through her doorway. And Clarke’s got every intention of telling whoever it is to fuck off, but she also knows those footsteps and she can hear a soft beat playing in the background, so her curiosity is piqued. 

“Have you listened to it?” Bellamy asks, brandishing his phone and his tie is a little crooked. 

“What are you doing here?” “Isn’t this the same conversation you had with Octavia?” Clarke rolls her eyes at the same time he drops onto the corner of her desk. She lets out a noise — a warning about paint and half-finished projects she’s got to move to the back of the room, but Bellamy just gives her a steady look and the beat is coming from his phone. “Plus,” he continues, “we just got back from the Museum—” “—Did you geek? “I was a responsible adult figure, princess.” She hums, doing her best to infused as much disbelief into the sound as she can. It’s an old nickname—older than the joint lease and breakfast emergencies, a past Clarke doesn’t always like to think about because they hadn’t always gotten along, but at some point the word had lost its sneer and gained its own look she’s started to covet just a bit. 

She really needs to move those eleventh-grade acrylics. 

“So, like on a scale of one to three-thousand, how much did you geek, then?” Bellamy clicks his tongue. “I’d never been to the Morgan. 3,000 B.C.! They had stuff from 3,000 B.C.! Scrolls and artifacts, actual jewelry. That is—” “—Old?” “Ancient,” he corrects. “Proper ancient.” “I’d give this geek out a two-thousand, six-hundred and forty-seven. Out of the previously discussed three thousand.” “Yeah, that seems about right.”

“And you had a soundtrack to go with it?” Clarke asks, nodding towards the still-musical phone. 

“Kind of. Spotify caught up.” “To?” “Us.” It takes a moment for Clarke to figure out what he means, but then she’s taking a deep breath and trying to remember what she listened to in the last five days. A ridiculous amount of My Chemical Romance. 

It’s been a week. 

“I didn’t peg you for pop punk,” Bellamy laughs. “Or is MCR a different genre? I was never really sure how that worked.” Clarke groans, sliding further down her chair until his smile threatens to stretch the muscles in his face. She can’t flip him off in school. 

“I think, technically, they’re more power punk,” Clarke says. “Or maybe emo—depending on what album the algorithm picked up on.” “What have you been listening to more of?” “Mostly Welcome to the Black Parade on loop.” “Is it Wallace? All your stress and—am I missing out on jam sessions?” “God, not if you call them that,” Clarke exclaims. He blushes again. She may make a list of all the times she can get Bellamy to blush. “But kind of. You’ve had those Model UN meetings after school, so I’ve been blasting music when I get home. I think Pike’s going to rat me out to the super eventually.” “Yeah, well, he’s a dick neighbor. So.” “And my options are limited. No scream-singing in the car when I take the Subway every day.” “You could start singing on the Subway.” Clarke chuckles, sitting up a little straighter. Her spine appreciates it. “Showtime on the downtown six.” “You might be able to make some money. Learn how to flip on the polls.” “I’d donate it to your cake fund. Also, did you call them MCR?” “Is that not right? O went through a very serious Hot Topic phase when she was in high school and I remember some of the lingo, so—” “—You are seriously the oldest man alive.” “Who’s your favorite Jonas Brother?” Clarke scoffs, the song changing and she doesn’t think it’s one of hers. “Frank Ocean?” “A genius.” “You know we don’t have to do this. The sharing playlist thing. It’s—well, O was being crazy, especially with that bet idea, and there’s got to be a way to opt out of it.” “Do you want to opt out of it?” The question seems to hang in the air around them. 

And Clarke isn’t sure why it sounds impossibly important, like some line they’re crossing and can’t come back from, but she can’t shake the feeling or the admittedly lyrical genius of Frank Ocean. She turns the music up. 

“It’s kind of fun, isn’t it?” Bellamy asks. “Seeing what changes it picks up on and how the playlist evolves with what we’re into.” “Please stop talking about the playlist like it’s a sentient being.” “Fair, fair. But, uh—what do you say?” “To?” His fingers find the back of his hair, pushing curls away from his eyes and he’d left earlier than her that morning. That explains the glasses. He only wears his glasses when he’s tired. 

Clarke knows that. 

She knows...a lot about Bellamy. And not. Nothing about Frank Ocean, at least. 

She’d like to. 

She likes Frank Ocean. 

She loves—

“If we only listen to the playlist, we’re not going to change it,” Clarke points out. 

“Sounds like you’ve got a plan.” “At the risk of giving O any credit, it’s an interesting idea, isn’t it? That we keep listening to our own music during the day or night or whatever, but when we’re coming home from school we listen to the joint playlist. See what happens with it.”

“And are we trying to influence the playlist?” “That’s up to you, I guess.”

“Yeah, ok. Try to influence the playlist, see what we can force the other person to listen to and—” He tilts his head, a forced casualness that makes Clarke widen her eyes. “—Whoever eventually seizes control of the playlist with the majority of their songs by...O and Lincoln’s wedding wins.” “Wins? Wins what?” “I don’t know. Something at home. Or one of us can just pay for the other’s Spotify account.”

Clarke twists her lips, considering it. Bellamy’s eyebrows fly up expectantly. “Yeah, ok. We judge the playlist based on what we hear when we’re leaving school.” “Makes sense. And what happens if we leave school together? You going to share headphones with me?”

“Only if you’ll join my showtime brigade.” “Good name.” “Is that a yes?” He grins — another one of hers, which is vaguely possessive and a little insane, but Clarke’s heart is doing its best to beat its way out of her chest as well, so she figures the whole thing is kind of a wash at this point. “I will definitely join your showtime brigade,” Bellamy promises. “If only because I’m pretty confident in my ability to flip from the top bars.” “No you’re not.” “I’ve got upper-body strength you couldn’t even imagine.”

“Sure, sure. When do we start with our musical experiment?” “Today.” “Today?” “Today,” Bellamy repeats, as students start to file into the hallway and Clarke’s not all that upset with how her free period turned out. “I will pick you at exactly 3:15, Ms. Griffin. Be prepared for an introduction in modern classics. And 90s hip hop.” “I’m going to listen exclusively to pop punk for the rest of the week.” “May the algorithms ever be in your favor.”

“Idiot,” she calls, but he’s already walking away and none of her students look remotely surprised.

Raven slides the glass across the bar without a word. She doesn’t have to use words. Her face is judgmental enough. 

Clarke sighs. “What?” “Did I say anything?” “Did you have to?”

Raven waggles a finger, more opinions and very obvious thoughts and Clarke knew it was only a matter of time. She blames intro to stats. It’s how she met Octavia, after all. Which is how she met Bellamy, which is how their friends group grew and evolved and there’s been good and bad and this bar and she’s fairly certain Raven has a very detailed bet with both Monty and Murphy about her and Bellamy. 

They all know about the Spotify playlist. 

“I guess not,” Raven admits. “Has anyone ever told you that your psychic tendencies are both terrifying and impressive?” “Not in so many words, no.” “What about your weird flirting rituals?” Clarke downs the drink — not sure if it’s actually meant for her and not worried either way. It burns the back of her throat, settling in the pit of her stomach with an almost audible thump, right next to her ever-expanding knowledge of Bellamy’s musical taste and his determination to shift the playlist. He’s been listening to nothing except It’s Tricky radio for the past three days. 

She’s got to figure out how to fix this. 

On several levels. 

“It’s not flirting,” Clarke argues. “Or a ritual. That’s weird.” “You’re telling me.” “Buy me another drink.” “No,” Raven says. “Tell me about the ritual.” “Stop calling it that!” Clarke’s voice rises of its own accord, drawing more than a few curious glances and Bellamy looks up from where he’s talking to Lincoln and Octavia. She smiles. She doesn’t mean to. 

Raven cackles. 

“Oh God,” she mumbles, the words barely that, “so, how screwed are you? Like ballpark.” “I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.” “Have you figured out that he secretly loves the Goo Goo Dolls?” “How do you know that?” “You don’t?” “Oh my God,” Clarke groans. 

Raven reaches a hand out, a move that’s probably supposed to be comforting, but feels far too heavy when it lands on Clarke’s forearm. “Slow down on the liquor, Griffin. You’re a lightweight. And I know that because the one night I was there—don’t make that face.” Clarke definitely makes a face. She’s a little buzzed. Cage Wallace is setting up a meeting with the school board. About her art classes. “Anyway,” Raven adds, “I was kind of...looking to get out of there quick, but he had music playing and—” “—He played music while you guys were hooking up?” “Nah, he let me shower. He was reading.” “Oh my God.” “Anyway. I don’t think he knew that I could hear the music and it was definitely an entire Goo Goo Dolls album. Straight through. Not even a mix.” “Huh.” “You act like you’re not fascinated by that.” “Should I be?” Clarke questions, but it’s another badly formed lie and the energy under her skin is starting to make her restless. 

Raven nods. “Yes. Eventually that’s going to show up on the playlist too. I know. Or you could ambush him with the Goo Goo Dolls.” “What a sentence.” “Matchbox Twenty?” “Those are two different bands.” “Similar genres,” Raven reasons, Clarke waving down Miller for another round of something, anything. “And I’m trying to help you, here. Rule the playlist, rule the world, right?” “Or at least part of our roommate budget.” “Say roommates again like you don’t want to make out with his face.” “Jeez.” “Not an objection,” Raven points out at the same time Miller decides to show up. Clarke does her best to melt. It does not work. 

“It is not,” Miller adds. “And—just in case you were looking for some more information. He’s been asking about your musical tastes too.” Maybe Clarke is drunk. 

She wishes.

“Why?” “Search me,” Miller admits. “But a lot of it seemed to revolve around your favorite Jonas.” Clarke refuses to look at Raven for the rest of the night. 

It goes. Days, weeks, the rest of April. 

The music keeps on playing. Or, whatever. 

She listens to more My Chemical Romance. Bellamy goes through a pretty serious ten-day spiral over Weezer that leads them both down some 90s-alt rabbit hole, both of them bobbing in rhythm while they do the dishes on a Thursday night. 

At one point Octavia threatens to ruin it all, grabbing Clarke’s phone while they’re at the bar and announcing, “I am getting married, so I pick the music.” It ends with Carly Rae Jepsen on loop and a playlist that refuses to recover for the next two days. 

Clarke comes home to Bellamy humming Run Away With Me while he folds laundry in the living. She spends no less than five seconds processing that before she starts matching socks. 

They play the song fourteen times in a row. 

He counts. 

And she learns things. Raven had been right about the Goo Goo Dolls and Clarke girts her teeth when Bellamy asks “why are there so many Frozen songs on here now,” but that leads them to debating the merits of twisting traditional mythologies in Disney movies until Monty tells them to “shut up and drink.”

So, they do. 

And then, May happens. 

It’s not that Clarke often finds herself stressed enough to burst into tears as soon as she closes the apartment door behind her, but her stomach is churning and between self-important parents at school and her own parents—parent, singular—she’s an emotional, exhausted mess and—

“Oh, shit,” she sighs, sliding onto the floor. She hasn’t listened to the playlist all week. And she knows Bellamy won’t really care, but Clarke has started to depend on the structure and the ever-increasing knowledge and while she might not admit it, Arcade Fire probably would have done a pretty good job of psyching herself up for an afternoon with her mom. 

As it is, Clarke spent the better part of the last six hours listening to backwards compliments and questions about that school of yours and not-so-humble brags about the cardiac center at Lenox Hill and the “opportunities you passed up, sweetheart.”

That sentence played on loop in Clarke’s head the entire train ride home. 

She sniffles, a quick lip of suddenly dry lips because she’s started breathing out of her mouth too and—

“Clarke?” Her head bumps the door when she snaps it up, Bellamy standing there with curls that desperately need to be cut and glasses and he’s wearing socks. It makes Clarke’s pulse speed up and slow down at the same time. 

She’s very glad she’s not a doctor. 

“Hey, hey,” he says quickly, rushing into her space and there are already tears on her cheeks. She hates that. Bellamy drops in front of her, knees cracking and a hand on her shoulder, staring at her like she’s going to fall apart or break in half and neither is true. Clarke is just mad. 

Pissed off, really. 

She’s angry at her mom and the cardiac center with its looming benefit, Clarke’s lack of a date some black mark on the whole thing, apparently, far too many veiled suggestions that her own choices are less structured and real, because Clarke has made her own choices since she was eighteen and hated stats and she’s got a schedule and she can’t believe she forgot about the playlist. She’s harping on that. “And how was the esteemed Dr. Griffin today?” Bellamy asks knowingly. Clarke isn’t sure what sound she makes at that, but it might just be the audible version of gratitude, and he grins. 

Exactly like she wants him to. 

“Chock-full of opinions as always.” “Mmhm, I figured. You want to talk about it?” “Not really. She just—” Clarke grits her teeth, fighting against another wave of disappointment and could have been and every one of her muscles tightens when Bellamy’s lips ghost over her forehead. 

That’s absurd. 

It’s not the first time he’s done it. Or her. Quick displays of affection when things went well or things went bad and she can remember every single one. Which, honestly, is pretty telling, but she spent most of the day lying to her mom. 

This shouldn’t be any different. 

This is the complete opposite. 

“Go ahead,’ Bellamy mutters. 

“She’s just—God, Bell, she’s the worst and she’s so positive she’s right and I’m wrong, but she doesn’t even have the decency to really tell me I’m wrong and—” Clarke runs out of air. Bellamy brushes away the tears on her cheeks. “They’ve got this gala coming up and she wants me to come. She’s getting an award.” “Prestigious.” “Self-absorbed,” Clarke corrects. “The hospital she works at is awarding her for her work at the same hospital. I know it shouldn’t get to me. I do, but she kept talking, like she was going down a list of make Clarke feel like garbage and—” “—You don’t deserve to feel like garbage, princess.”

“Tell me mom that.”

“Here, give me your phone.” Clarke’s skull can’t cope with much more of this, but there’s an earnest edge to his voice that she’s never heard before and her phone suddenly feels impossibly heavy in her pocket. She pulls it out, willing her fingers not to tremble. 

It takes him exactly twelve seconds to start playing music.

There’s no Arcade Fire. No Goo Goo Dolls or 90s hip hop. 

“Fleetwood Mac?” Clarke whispers, Bellamy’s soft hum of agreement in her ear and she’s sure, eventually, they’ll get up. She’s not in a rush. “If you play Landslide,” Clark warns, “I will cry even more.”

“I can cope with that.” “Yeah?” “Yeah,” he says, and it sounds like another thing in a way that things shouldn’t be things. Not with roommates and weird bets and—“You know I do have some rhythm. I could...if you don’t want to show up to this thing by yourself.” Clarke doesn’t pull her head off his shoulder. She’s not sure when her head landed on his shoulder. “You don’t have to do that.” “It wouldn’t suck so bad.” “That's not true at all.” “I’m serious. We could make fun of people. Come up with ridiculous backstories. Wow them with our Fred and Ginger ways.” “You sound very confident in your dancing talent.” He kisses the top of her hair. 

“That’d be nice,” Clarke says, voice a little scratchy and she’s not sure if that’s because of the day or the week or how goddamn comfortable his shoulder his. “And you’re going to ruin the playlist algorithm with this.” “I’ll live.” “Good.”

Dr. Abby Griffin’s eyes get very wide when Clarke and Bellamy show up at Gotham Hall. 

They dance. They drink undoubtedly expensive champagne. They dance some more. 

She smiles. 

A lot. 

And Bellamy doesn’t ask before handing Clarke one side of his headphones as soon as they slide into the Uber back home, her eyes fluttering shut while the music drowns out the sounds of the city on their way home. 

She gets really annoyed with him one week and plays the original Broadway cast recording of Cats every night while she’s asleep. 

He hates that she can’t ever remember to turn the AC off when she leaves the apartment. So, he plays Bizet from Carmen every time she walks in for a four-day stretch. 

It takes another two days for the playlist to realize neither one of them is mad anymore.

At some point around Memorial Day they both realize they love Ben Folds. 

Bellamy plays a ridiculous fake piano. 

Clarke sings the Regina Spektor parts on all their duets. 

They blast Killer Queen on a Saturday afternoon in June after Cage Wallace’s kid graduates. 

Clarke stands on the couch, hands thrown in the air and something akin to joy leaping up her spine, Bellamy shouting lyrics from the kitchen while he blends...something. 

It presumably has alcohol in it. 

Or, more alcohol. 

It’s a celebration. 

And it doesn’t take long for Pike to start banging on their shared well, but neither of them move to to turn own the music, just sing louder. Bellamy grins when Clarke throws a pillow at the wall, shouting “take that dick,” like Pike can hear them over Freddie Mercury. 

She almost falls over. 

It is...patently stupid and inherently romantic and Bellamy is impossibly solid behind her, cotton t-shirt not doing much to distract from the planes of his chest and—

“What was that about upper body strength?” she breathes.

Bellamy laughs into her shoulder blade, nosing at the top of her shirt, and there must be hair in his face, but he doesn’t seem all that upset by it, which is only messing with her head a little bit. His fingers splay across her hip, tugging Clarke back to the floor. 

His glasses are falling down the bridge of her nose. 

Clarke presses up on her toes, suddenly aware of how much bigger he is than her and how clear his eyes are when he looks at her — more earnest energy and a flick of his tongue between his lips, like he’s waiting for whatever she does next and only a little impatient. 

“A solid save.” Bellamy barks out a laugh, head falling close to Clarke’s, and it takes everything in her not to card her fingers through his hair. That lasts about four seconds. 

If even. 

Her calves are still aching, but she doesn’t back down and she doesn’t think and for one of those four seconds she’s absolutely positive Bellamy is going to kiss her. He doesn’t blink, just stays impossibly still, except for the flutter of his fingers and the way they push under the hem of her shirt and—

“Turn your fucking music down!”

They both jump back, like they’ve been shocked, Clarke wincing when her legs slam into the front of the couch. 

“Are you ok?” Bellamy asks, but she’s already nodding and any sense of joy has rather quickly morphed into something much worse. Regret. That’s the word for it. 

She’s neither a doctor nor an English teacher. 

“Fine, fine,” Clarke stammers. “I, uh—I’m going to turn the music down, ok?”

“Nah, Clarke—fuck that guy, c’mon, it’s…” “It’s really loud, Bell.” He’s setting a record for not blinking, she’s sure. He stares at her—a little appraising and just a hint wary, the moment drifting away as the song fades out. Clarke swallows. 

“Yeah, that’s true,” Bellamy agrees. It still doesn’t sound like the words he’s saying. “What do you think about celebratory David Bowie?” “Good call. You going to keep mixing?” “10-4, princess.”

“Idiot.” He grins, a quick twist of eyebrows and squeeze of his hand, but Clarke can’t help to think that the end of the school year may also be the end of something else. 

Octavia’s getting married in two weeks. 

Her dress is blue. 

And it makes her boobs look great, which Clarke isn’t focused on, but Raven’s mentioned it enough that eventually she agrees and she’s happy. 

Octavia is getting married. 

It’s sunny. It’s warm. There’s already music playing, soft and melodic outside the door where they’re waiting, Raven’s far-too-knowing stare boring into the back of Clarke’s head. 

“Don’t do that,” she warns, and she doesn’t have to turn to know Raven rolls her eyes. 

“I’m still not saying anything.” “Again, you didn’t have to.” “The experiment ends today, right?” “You say that like you don’t know. “And what did we learn?” Clarke turns around. It’s a mistake, she knows, but part of her has also been dreading today, which is pretty fucked up. All things considered. Octavia looks gorgeous. 

She’s got a five-dollar bet with Murphy that Bellamy will cry. 

Bellamy’s definitely going to cry. 

“You’re supposed to learn something in an experiment,” Raven says. “Even one as weird as this one. With all its flirting. You seriously haven’t made out with him yet?” “No.” Raven crows, Clarke grimacing at the admission that isn’t really that because everyone knows and she’s always known and—she bets he looks very good in his tuxedo. “Oh, god you’re an idiot,” Raven exhales. “But seriously, did you learn things? That he—”

“Yes to the Goo Goo Dolls. Slide is a very predictable favorite, but it’s been on the playlist since the get. He knows way more lyrics than he should. O had a pop punk phase too and he’s way too confident in his own rhythm, but sometimes he’s good at dancing. His mom used to listen to a lot of ballads and Karen Carpenter makes him feel emotions, but mostly at Christmas, so that hasn’t really affected the playlist and—what? You’re doing that thing with your face.” “Am I just?” “Nothing’s going to change, Rae,” Clarke cuts in. “We’re going to keep our musical preferences and our separate playlists and one of us will pay for no ads.” “Seriously, tell him how much you want to kiss him.”

“Shut up.”

And the photographer sounds like he’s on his way back. With Octavia. Who certainly does not want to hear about Clarke’s unrequited feelings for her brother. On her wedding day. 

Priorities, Clarke’s got them. 

“We had some fun and—well, O was kind of right. It was like getting a chance to…” “See into his music-loving soul?” “I really like Arcade Fire now.” Raven hums noncommittally and Clarke can practically hear the gears in her mind turning, but she’d been right about the photographer and maybe they’ll all just cry over Octavia. 

She’s beaming. 

And there will be hummingbird cake at this reception. 

“You guys ready?” Octavia asks. 

Clarke nods, ignoring Raven’s expression. “Definitely.”

He cries. 

Clarke gets five dollars. 

She doesn’t have any pockets in her dress. 

That feels like a sign. 

Strictly speaking, Clarke hasn’t been to too many weddings. A family friend when she was a kid. Her mom’s. This one. 

And yet. 

She’s positive that this is the most beautiful wedding she’s ever been to or could ever go to and part of that is because of the music and part is because of how often she’s noticed Bellamy smiling and most of it is because he keeps glancing her way. 

It’s a very blue dress. 

She’s still holding a five-dollar bill. 

And there is a whole schedule — toasts and more tears, posing for photos and ignoring the way her stomach flutters when she spends an inordinate amount of time glancing Bellamy’s direction. Octavia laughs. She and Lincoln flit from table to table, a hint of tradition in a wedding that is still them and this family and—

“You want to dance?” She’s sitting at the head table, a glass of half-finished champagne in front of her and they haven’t cut the cake yet, but Clarke figures that's soon. Bellamy doesn’t blink. Again. One side of his mouth tugs up, fluttering his fingers in her space until she feels her own smile stretch and maybe her stomach should just be studied. 

There’s color on Bellamy’s cheeks. 

Clarke never got around to making that list. 

“Don’t leave hanging, princess,” Bellamy says. “They’re playing good music.”

He’s not wrong. 

It is good music. It’s...oddly familiar music. And Clarke had been too happy to really notice it before, but now that she’s listening, she hasn’t heard anything that’s not hers and—

“Oh my God, you idiot.” He laughs. Loud. And honest. And one-hundred percent hers. The sound sinking into the very center of her, where everything else she’s ever loved has taken root, a foundation for the rest of it, for all of it, for a family. 

A Spotify premium family plan. 

“You keep complimenting me like that and—” “—Did you do this?” “Did I do what?”

Her hand finds his, warm fingers and slightly callused skin. Clarke can’t stop shaking her head. It’s absurd. It’s vaguely romantic. 

“Is this…” she starts, but Bellamy smirks and she’s a lost cause. 

In a far more romantic sort of way. 

She jumps up, closing the already minimal amount of space between them and, to his credit, he doesn’t flinch. He might still be smirking. Clarke can feel the curve of his lips as soon as hers land on them, a little cautious at first, but that lasts about one verse of whatever Jonas Brothers song is playing and then it’s all mingled breaths and an arm slung around his shoulders, fingers in his hair and the sudden swipe of his tongue. 

Clarke arches her back, desperate to feel as much of him as she can, like that will ground her or remind her that it’s really happening. 

He tilts his head, changes angles and cups her face. It’s soft and bruising and a perfect contradiction that leaves her pushing up further in her heels, pulling on Bellamy’s curls until he groans against her and she’s going to think about that on loop for the rest of the night. 

The room spins. 

Clarke’s only seventy-two percent certain she’s not the one spinning. 

It doesn’t seem to end. They don’t seem to end. She can’t tell where his hands stop, moving across the expanse of her back and tracing across skin, as if he’s memorizing every shift, every way she rocks against him, trying to fill the space with him and them and— “Oh my God, finally,” Octavia cries. 

Clarke snickers, Bellamy’s head dropping to the curve of her jaw, leaving goosebumps in his wake. Still smirking. “Huh,” he muses. “Look at that.” “Don’t be smug,” Clarke chides. “I’m wooing you, was that not obvious?” She leans back, expecting a wholly confident expression, only to be met with something slightly hopeful and a little young and yearning and, really, the only thing to do is kiss him. Again. So, she does. Again. 

And it’s good and great and exactly what she thought it would be when she thought about this, far more often than she ever would admit to. 

But it’s also...something else. It’s the perfect chord and a well-constructed bridge and the song she wants to play on repeat forever, a favorite she knows she won’t get sick of, until the melody finds its way into her memory and her. 

Full stop. 

“Yeah, it was,” she whispers. “Is this—” “You know when you first offered to go half on this premium thing, I really was in it for the money.” “It’s like an extra ten bucks a month,” Miller yells. Both Octavia and Raven swat at his side.

“Yeah, that’s true,” Bellamy admits, “But I wanted to help O and I was sure this would help and then the playlist thing came up and I just—” He shrugs, another brush of his fingers over Clarke’s arm. “—Well, it was...you know you hum under your breath? Constantly. Every song. Even the ones you said you didn’t like. And you’ve got drawing playlists and I can’t believe how strongly you feel about All Time Low.” “They’re good,” Clarke shouts. More than a few members of the peanut gallery let out exasperated sighs. 

Bellamy kisses her hair. “I know. I know. And that’s been—the first time O talked about you, I figured you were some uptight—” “—Am I still being wooed? I am a fun person!” “Let me finish. You were old money and plans and structure and I thought I had to hate you on principle. But then. Clarke, you’re—ok, yeah, you like some structure and plans, but there’s so much more and it’s...every single time you start dancing to David Bowie I think I love you a little more.”

She’s not sure what sound she makes. 

An exhale and a sigh and a give — into the feelings and the want and he’s not done. 

“So, uh, it hasn’t been easy. It took a lot of repeat plays. But yeah, to answer your question. This is the playlist and it’s our playlist, with...mostly your music because—” He scrunches his nose. It makes the freckles more obvious. “You’ve gotten under my skin, princess. So has your music. And the Frozen soundtrack isn’t that bad.” “Get that in writing,” Octavia demands. 

“Shut up, O,” Bellamy grumbles. She flips him off. The photographer takes a picture. “Anything to add?” he asks, an undercurrent of misplaced nerves that she doesn’t understand at first. She hasn’t said anything back. 

“Oh, yeah, yeah, that’s—” she starts, shaking her head and she kisses him before she answers. Third time’s the charm, or something. "I love you too.”

There are cheers. And louder music. A ridiculous bass line and shutter snaps and—

“We going to dance?” “Did I not ask first?” Clarke hums, already tugging him towards the floor and she’s got high hopes of his hand never leaving hers. For the rest of the night. If not longer. “Semantics,” she says. “C’mon, this is definitely a good song.”

Her favorite Jonas Brother is Joe. 

She tells him while they’re tugging clothes off, stumbling down the hallway of their apartment. 

“Don’t mention that again.” “10-4,” Clarke laughs, but the words get caught between them and she very quickly forgets about anything other than the noise Bellamy makes when she moves her hands into his hair. 

They never opt out of the family playlist. 

And it takes a few weeks for the algorithm to catch up, but eventually it’s a pretty even split, his and hers and theirs, all perfectly curated in replayable format.