#i have a sinking feeling a lot of people are gonna disagree with me

[insertsickusername13]

I will not shut up about Michael and Jake being best friends like practically brothers okay I know it's not canon but I do not care in my head it's real OKAY like I imagine them being friends before the whole squip fiasco in a very casual way - during Jake's study hall Michael has a math class he hates and always skips and they smoke weed out on the bleachers together for an hour. They almost never talk but there's a mutual understanding there, a silent companionship.

Then after the play and everything there's a brief moment before Jake finds out the details - why Rich set the fire, the squip, how he was being used by two of his friends - where Michael can prepare him for the damage he's about to experience. Michael lost his best friend to this terrible thing and Jake's about to realize he did too, but Michael has a couple days to enforce this "it's going to be okay, you're worth more than him, there are people here to support you" mindset before it all goes down. He can save him from the worst of the hurt.

Then after that, when Jake manages to rebuild his relationship with Rich and starts to fall in love all over, and is absolutely terrified because all he had was his image - perfect, lovable, straight - and no one could take that from him, but now he's in love? With a boy? He can't do this. And Michael spent the whole musical being inferior to Jake in the eyes of Jeremy, but suddenly Jake is showing up at Michael's house in tears in the middle of the night begging for guidance and help and Michael realizes no, he's not inferior to Jake. There's no comparison between him and Jake - they're just friends. It's not 'Jake the golden boy' and 'Michael the loser' it's just 'Jake and Michael' and whatever imaginary social hierarchy existed between them doesn't matter because Michael will do anything to protect Jake because, as he's slowly realizing, no one else will.

And as an extension to that, because I am not fucking DONE, Jake genuinely admires Michael. Like where Jeremy slowly began to resent Michael's nerdy interests, Jake is so used to shallow conversations and sex that when he goes over to Michael's house and instead of just getting drunk and fucking he gets to hear about some nerdy video game, he's relieved and feels safe. And Jake, as privileged as he is, doesn't even understand the concept of bullying or the social hierarchy, so even when people whisper, he stands by Michael's side. Like where Jeremy was willing to give up Michael for popularity, Jake is willing to learn to give up popularity for Michael. He learns not to care what people think when he walks down the hallway holding hands with Rich. Michael teaches him. And to be valued in such a way - to be admired rather than put down - is foreign to Michael even in his relationship with Jeremy. Like yeah, Michael was happy. He was free and confident in himself. He was okay being nothing. But Jake suddenly makes him aware that he was never nothing, that he didn't need to be okay with being a loser because, in Jake's eyes, he wasn't. He was just Michael. And Jake sees that - he sees Michael growing more confident in himself, more willing to set boundaries and stand up for himself rather than just be berated. And he's so happy to see Michael happy, so happy to have found this weird version of family after his was taken from him.

Their friendship comes out of nowhere, and everyone's confused when they suddenly appear as best friends. Why did Jake ask for Michael when Chloe found him crying on the floor? Why is Jake the first to offer to go with Michael to weird conventions and concerts? When did they have time to form such a deep friendship? But they're both so happy, and they learn so much from each other, that everyone decides to leave it alone and just let them be.

I ship Rich and Jake so hard romantically, hence me writing so much fanfiction about them, but I swear if someone asked me to I could write an entire novel about Jake and Michael learning to love each other and themselves okay

[nortimer]

I usually don't like talking about these kinds of things bc I often find I'm Not Great With Words, but bear with me I'm gonna try my best here. I've pondered this a lot since getting into Mouthwashing.

Tl;dr, I've observed a borderline aggressive need to be correct all the time about the themes of Mouthwashing or else you're immediately called an immoral and awful person. And I feel like it creates an atmosphere where people are scared to speculate in case they're perceived as evil. Or maybe that's just me personally being scared, idk. Either way, more under the cut (spoilers, obviously)

After first finishing Mouthwashing, there was a lot I didn't notice. Unfortunately, I'm an oblivious person. I didn't understand what the hibiscus meant. I had no clue what the whole scene with turning the wheels with Curly meant. I didn't even realize what Jimmy did to Anya, let alone what the conversation between Anya and Swansea was about or why Anya hid the gun.

It took scrolling through Tumblr, reading other people's analysis in order to fully understand the story. Even then, I went back and watched another playthrough once I had a better understanding.

But what I found in the fandom was a lot of hostility towards people who didn't understand the whole picture yet, or people who had the 'wrong' idea. I saw a disturbing amount of people who were saying things along the lines of "If you didn't understand the story this way, then you're just as bad as Jimmy/Curly" or "You're also an enabler, you're a bystander, etc."

I believe Mouthwashing's story having the themes it does is an effort to spread awareness about them, and I feel like that's a pretty universally agreed upon sentiment. But things like this, that are complex and have a lot of grey area, some people just aren't going to understand immediately, and that's why the game exists. To tell a story, and to teach. Hopefully in time, the messages, symbolism, etc will sink in and people will understand and be better. And some people aren't gonna get it immediately. Everyone has vastly different perspectives, so it might take some time or even some convincing for people to truly understand it. But personally I don't think screaming at people is the way to go lmao

(side note, obviously there's nuance to this situation. if someone's takeaway from mouthwashing was 'anya deserved it' or some other horrible bullshit then yeah that warrants being screamed at. also, if u disagree with me, i'd love to hear why!!)

[zeravmeta]

Thoughts on RvB Restoration Finale

not really that long just my 2 cents

I wanna say I liked the movie because I did enjoy myself watching it, but honestly I'm very much gonna stick to the RvB17 open ended finale

Overall the movie was... ok? It wasn't unwatchably bad the way RvB Zero was but it also just made a lot of choices that I disagree with fundamentally both with the writing and the core themes of the series as a whole. I've had this take ever since RvB14 on the fanbase and the writers but this movie flat out says it:

The writers are fucking unable to let go of PFL and Chorus in a meaningful way.

For a series thats core message is about saying goodbye, they literally dont let that part of the show die. They are functionally unable to let go of the past peaks of the franchise and write something new. And I get it: RvB fundamentally cycles with its storytelling, but what was so refreshing to me about RvB14-17 was that it actually progressed itself Past those peaks of RvB10 and 11-13 (and honestly people REALLY dont appreciate the good in those later seasons). It felt like a natural (if wacky) progression, and it definitely wasnt perfect but it gave the extended cast more opportunities to shine in ways we didnt appreciate before

This movie just doesnt do that? Honestly the fact that they KILLED Sarge and Doc was so... disrespectful to me? Like not in the sense that it was as bad as how RvB Zero (fake) killed Tucker, but more like it felt like the writers killed them off because they were following a book titled "How To Write Story" and saw 'killing off characters is good writing'. Sarge got a dramatic send off that also didnt feel that impactful? And I did see it coming from the start but having Doc be Washs' guilt haunting him just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Its a really self contained story, a whole bunch of characters outside the main 3 reds and Caboose felt ooc, a good chunk of characters dont even show up (dude where was DONUT??? youre telling me he only has 5 seconds in Simmons' mind in a cheerleading costume?), it was composed of like 3-4 sets total, Carolina, Tex and 479er all just kind of Show Up to be badasses in the way The New Person would show up in an MCU movie...

Honestly watching this movie I kind of felt like it would have a twist ending. Like the credits would play and then itd zoom out to show the Reds and Blues post S17 in a movie theater watching this dramatic finale, because thats honestly what it felt like: The whole movie was a cheap facsimile of RvB as a whole. The fact that Trocadero wasn't allowed/signed on to make the music for this finale really does influence this movie, since they used a whole bunch of songs and osts that felt out of place (though I will admit Vale Deah softly playing as Grimmons said goodbye to each other did make me choke up a little)

Despite my negative review, I do still recommend watching it, since there was stuff I did like: Simmons in a leader role, Tex and the fun reveal during her fight with Tucker-Meta, Grif FINALLY getting to retire, Caboose as a whole was really well written, there IS good in this movie! And again it's not unwatchable bad, it just... kind of leaves a somber, sour taste in my mouth. This movie threw a whole bunch of stuff to the wall not to see what would stick but to break it all and leave for the insurance money. Just a "hey since we're sinking might as well make all these callbacks and break a bunch of stuff along the way."

Welp. Goodbye, RvB. At least this way I know that RT dies without riding your coattails any longer. And hey given that RvB technically has 3 endings (RvB17, Zero and RvB19) you can just take your pick on what you like best anyways. Quick edit no jutsu I forgor to mention there is the sequence at the beginning of the movie where it is implied RvB19 COULD also be one of the simulations in and of itself so. yeah you can in fact just take it as you will

[sunflowerharrington]

stwg prompt (27/4/23) - buzzed hair/shaved head

wc: 1076

🩵

Wayne hasn’t been feeling too confident in his looks, lately. Usually he doesn’t care, but when he looks at Eddie, he wishes he still had hair like that. Every so often in Hawkins a new person gets the “hair” nickname. Currently it’s Steve Harrington, Eddie’s friend — or more than a friend, Wayne’s not too sure — and it reminded him of when that used to happen in Tennessee too. When Wayne was in highschool, he was “the hair.”

He’s surprised he hasn’t died yet from the fumes of hairspray finally catching up to him, but the smoking will do that someday. All the products he used to use, all the times at school when the girls would come to him for hair techniques… All of that is gone now, and so is his hair.

A slight sob catches in his throat as he runs his fingers over what’s left of his hair. What’s left of his hair… Nothing much. It’s gray and white and barely there now. But he can’t let go of his highschool days. How the hell is he supposed to go back out into the dating scene without his long, luscious locs to help him?

He hasn’t dated since then, hasn’t had the courage or the confidence. Even when he still had his hair, he couldn’t bring himself to ask a girl out.

Some people can take up addictions to help with loss and grief, but if he were to tell anyone he’s a smoker because it helps him deal with the stress of losing his hair and not being “attractive” anymore, they’d laugh at him, make a joke out of it. There’s only so many jeers and snide comments he can take before he drives back home and cries himself to sleep.

He’s been doing that a lot lately, hoping his pillow muffles it enough so Eddie can’t hear. But Eddie can’t exactly hear anything outside of his room when he’s blasting that goddamn metal. Not that it’s bad or anything, Wayne likes it too, sometimes, but only when it’s not at an eardrum-shattering volume.

Today is the worst of it, the worst he’s felt in a long ass time about his looks. But there’s no point in buying a wig or trying to grow it out again because anyone who knows him already knows what he looks like without it. So there’s no point, and he won’t bother.

But maybe having hair might help him feel better about himself? No, it takes too long to grow out and he sure as hell knows nothing’s gonna grow on the top of his head anymore, maybe the sides, but that’ll look ridiculous.

So he doesn’t bother.

It’s only in the evening when he’s starting to feel a little better and has stopped crying. But not for long… because as he walks to the bathroom, the sound of a hair trimmer buzzes to life and someone’s laughing quietly to themselves in the bathroom.

Eddie.

It’s Eddie.

Half of his— what the fuck?

“What in the goddamn hell are you doing, son?” Wayne exclaims, watching as another few strands of Eddie’s hair fall into the sink. “Wha— Eddie! Put that damn thing down!”

Eddie does, in fact, not put that damn thing down and continues shaving. Strand after strand, his smile grows wider, and he looks at Wayne’s reflection in the mirror.

“Hair grows back,” Eddie says with a half smile. “I did it for you.”

“Why?” Wayne can't stop the tears from falling now, they gather in his lower eyelashes and drop down onto his cheeks.

“Because I want you to know that you’ve still got it. With or without hair. You’re a handsome man, and if anyone disagrees they’re obviously blind. You don’t need hair to be handsome and I don’t either.”

“You’re crazy,” Wayne says, laughing a little.

“On the contrary, I’m a genius,” Eddie says with another smile. “And I’m also doing this to help my friend, Jane. A bad man shaved her head and she hasn’t been feeling confident, says she looks ugly without hair. But she doesn’t. You look handsome without hair, she looks beautiful without hair, and Jim Hopper looks hotter than ever without hair.”

“Boy, don’t you dare tell me you’ve still got a thing for Jim.”

Eddie stays silent. Wayne frowns.

“What?” Eddie says, holding his hands up. “You gotta admit he’s hot.”

Wayne tuts. “He’s old enough to be your old man!”

“So?” Eddie smirks. “I’m legal, he’s legal…”

“He’s also married!”

Eddie gasps. “Jim and Joyce got married?! Why wasn’t I invited?!”

“I don’t think they’d want you jumping up on the tables at the reception, son,” Wayne replies, turning off the machine for him.

“I don’t— Oh… You’ve got a point.”

“I’ve got a point and no hair.”

“Me too!”

“No, I was right, you were wrong, son. I have the point.”

Eddie shrugs. “Alright, fine. You win. But he’s still ho—”

“No, not finishing this conversation,” Wayne interrupts, backing away out the door. “Be with someone your own age, like Harrington’s kid. I see the way you look at him and he looks at you—”

“And I’m not having that conversation,” Eddie replies.

Wayne snickers, starting to feel like himself again.

“No. Wayne, no. I don’t… I don’t like him like that! We’re just friends.”

“Mhm mhm.”

“Wayne!” Eddie whines. “Stop!”

“Son,” Wayne says, placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “Just try.”

“Okay fine, I’ll only do it if you ask Claudia on a date.”

“You want Dustin to be your brother, huh?” Wayne’s smiling again, so is Eddie.

“If I ever have an argument with Steve over who Dustin’s favorite is I wanna be able to say it’s obviously me ‘cause I’m his brother,” Eddie says. “But no, that’s not the only reason. You wanna find love, right? At least try. The worst she can say is no.”

“I’ve got better things to be doing than—”

“Remember the deal? You said—”

“Alright, fine!” Wayne throws his hands up. And he wonders where Eddie gets his dramatics from… “I’ll ask her on a date.”

Eddie fist pumps the air. “I love you!” He barrels Wayne into a hug.

Wayne smiles again, and finally, he feels like maybe he can still be handsome without his hair. He’s gonna remember this day for the rest of his life, maybe even add a part about it into his wedding speech if things with Claudia go well.

[heroictoonz]

not going to comment on the ramcoa stuff? yeah thought not.

Crazy how I have a life and a job and didn't give a shit to respond to u when I'm busy n only scrolly tumblr idly but since u clearly got a thing for me ill bite cause you also need my opinions reexplained to you like a child

Also I googled ramcoa cause I didn’t know what that word means (i also didnt know what endo meant till like earlier this fuckin year cause everyone was being very loud and annoying about it) and all I got was "RAMCOA is an acronym for Ritual Abuse, Mind Control, and Organized Abuse." which like. what the FUCK are you even talking about mind control? fucking ORGANIZED ABUSE this is like classic cult aligned shit how does this even relevant to endos and that stuff. please tell me this is a word or acronym for something else that google isnt telling me cause just genuinely huh

listen i took a look at the link u sent i dont wanna post that cause i dont want ppl harassing others on the internet like you seem to want but just for the love of fuck listen to me for two seconds like honest to god read my words and let them sink in

the post you sent me i have literally no context for to me it looks like a shit post. ive made jokes like that before and i need to reiterate that they are JOKES and i am NOT ENDO and i say shit for goofs cause to me and my friends its funny. whether it is or is not a joke is, honestly, not my business. I dont know that person personally i dont know their life i dont know their story so i dont set it as my mission to find people i dont agree with and flip my shit at them. again. life. job. no interest. im 24 and literally not my job to babysit other ppl on the internet i block who i dont like follow who i do and live on w my life (which. highly recommended for all. you too Chuck. makes life so much more livable)

in regards to ur stuff about misinformation the way I see it is people will spread bullshit about just about every topic under the sun. it is, once again, not my job to go around "um actually" everything on the internet. if someone asks me a question i answer if someone im directly talking to has wrong information i try to correct them

When it comes to a lot of people, however, not many of them want to change their minds on things. sometimes some people arent even at a point of their life to be open minded and listen. which, im not gonna stress myself out to correct someone else. Even i had a point in my life where i was so hardheaded and full of hate (it was a weird cringe culture group i was in and didnt think for myself and honestly i caused a lot of damage in that time of my life and even now I regret it. But man thats life. And like if i try to correct and if they dont listen i go okay and dip after a point (which, for you. is prob gonna be here. cause im gonna say all my thoughts here and be done with this conversation honestly also work is suuuuuper busy rn like fr wish me luck w this summer season sobs) theres a part of me that hopes you will either see reason with this reply and chill out or you will continue to disagree with me but at least for both of our sanity stop messaging me either way i wont be replying again to you just so you are aware

now im just gonna be so fucking blunt here. do i believe endo is a thing? (ie: people can be systems without trauma) honestly? i dont know! here is how i see it; im not a medical professional. I have an interest in psychology i have a copy of the dsm5 cause im a nerd (its with my law books. again. im a nerd.) but im no scientist. at the same time; i dont really trust medical professionals all that much? i would like to. really i would. but it always feels like so many of them dont take the time to actually try with diagnosis. too many people of color or fat people and shit like that always say that they are constantly misdiagnosed or ignored due to predigests. again, because i was born a girl i was never diagnosed properly when i was a kid. this happened twice actually! and even then ive had to deal with doctors and therapists who dont believe me even WITH a formal diagnosis to my name. ive had a therapist tell me that i DIDNT have bpd because i was, in her words, "too nice" and she refused to start me on cbd insisting the doctor was wrong. its scary as fuck honestly. plus, like i said in the last post, mental health is so under researched. which is also so scary to me. theres so much that doctors dont know. that WE dont know. theres so much that doctors get wrong. sometimes cause theyre only human and sometimes cause they willfully ignore patients.

so, the way i see it, is that maybe you can have a system without trauma or maybe you cant. i dont know personally and where i stand i dont know how much credit i would put to research done on a mental disability that is still to this day so disgustingly stigmatized and viewed as dangerous or scary. ive seen split. i know david haller (i like david haller but also every time i think about the live action show or how they really treat him as a character i sob in my little heart every fuckin day man fr) so to me i chalk it up to 'fuck if i know' and move on.

The other thing is that since i personally am not an endo in my head i also have no evidence to form a hard opinion on this at all. Again, my system DID come from trauma. In fact, for most of the system mates i can pinpoint exactly which traumas and/or parts of my life they came from (some i dont but i am also pretty sure im missing a very large chunk of my middle school memories so who the fuck knows) but honestly. if you have a hard opinion on the yes or no here thats fine youre intitled to your own opinion ig

but you shouldnt harass people on the internet or accuse them of being fake. this is what my problem is with anti-endos.

This has also been my like, whole side of this conversation. Which is why im really begging you to listen and read my words cause i very much think you are reading me wrong here. I literally couldnt give less of a shit about your personal opinion on this kinda stuff. Like i dont know you were not friends you’re a random anon on the internet. You disagreeing with me does not phase me one bit. I clearly have stuff to say but thats just cause i talk a lot and like to share my thoughts more than anything else. Honestly. You can send me a like one sentence question and ill accidentally reply with an essay. Have you SEEN the rants ive been on lmaooo

What does frustrate me, is that you feel the need to harass people and accuse people of faking stuff for attention with NO fucking thought. When you sent your first anon i can only assume its cause i reblogged my friend Wendy’s post about endos and syscourse (i hate syscourse so much but MAN that is a good fucking play on words it almost makes me mad lol) you asked if i had did/osdd and i said yes and you IMMEDIATELY went into my asks and accused me of being 1) an endo and 2) faking for attention despite that neither of those can be inferred by my answer especially when i 1) never once said I WAS endo personally (because. Again. Not) and 2) i specifically explained in my first response (thinking u were just a good natured random) that while, yes, i am a system, i dont talk about it very openly or much at all only vaguely mentioning it here n there on my personal blog when i feel the need or want on a specific topic (like when i made a joke post about being a system and watching RvB and the Meta who is this character that has a buncha AI crammed in his head). If anything, it makes you more fuckin wrong cause me NOT mentioning being a system almost ever shows more to the light that im NOT focusing on wanting attention or shit like that if anything i think i make more jokes about being autistic and trans. Are you gonna accuse me of being fake trans and fake autistic just for attention? Because i talk about it more? No, cause that would make like zero sense. (Unless u want to ig tho honestly i think being called a fake trans would be so funny as anon hate like genuinely that would make me snort i think. Guy who uses he/him and openly talks about having periods and shit like that accused as fake trans rguireghrhuigr)

To me, at least, you have already proven that your ideology is flawed. Your method of pointing out ‘fakes’ and ‘attention seekers’ is just really nonsensical. Either that or you do honestly have the reading comprehension of a five year old. The oooonly reason i could maaaaaybe see you thinking im ‘attention seeking’ is when I vaguely mentioned in the tags of that first post that I had a system specific blog however i also 1) do not advertise it nor did i put the name of it on that post OR ask you to follow it and 2) admitted that its barely ever used. Again, still making no sense to your accusation

And like, honestly, at the end of the day, accusing people you dont know on the internet just by random posts they post or terminology they identify with for being fake is just so, in your own words, gross. You dont know these people’s lives. You dont know what they’ve been through. Again, completely ignoring whether you can or cannot have system without trauma my original long response talked about how the person identifying as endo might actually have trauma and not know/recognize it as such and by harassing them you are only making everything worse for them. You LITERALLY do not know these people. You dont know me and you made that very clear when you were so crushingly wrong about me by literally just the second anon you sent.

As someone who deals with the anxiety and fear that i am secretly a fake and dont know it, not just about being a system but like. A SHIT ton of stuff in my life, it does not help when random fucking people come accusing me of that exact fear. Going back to that therapist who tried to tell me she didnt think i had bpd it took me SO FUCKING LONG to accept i did in fact have bpd after that. And it was fucking painful to deal with mentally. When every sign in the motherfucking book pointed to YES i have this thing but all it took was ONE woman with a degree to tell me i was ‘too nice’ and suddenly my world fell apart. I no longer felt like i had a name to the feelings and thoughts i was suffering from. Dude that shit SUCKS it is SO painful and stressful. Like literally, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not inflict that on others. You might think youre bringing justice in some weird way but theres a higher chance that you are hurting people just as much as you seem to think endos cause hurt.

Now, because i know you SO DESPERATELY wanna know my opinion on the post you sent in the unanswered ask, honestly? I dont know how much i agree with that persons post. Like. Playing in the field of maybe that was an honest to god opinion and not just like a joke they were making, really not sure how i feel about it. In my opinion, i wouldn’t be running around trying to get my brain to spawn in more little fuckers to deal with. But i also have a lot of mixed feelings about being a system and my headmates. For one i dont get along with all of them, and not all of them get along with each other. Shits really annoying and in some extreme cases stressful as fuck. Every time something new pops into existence, I’ll be real, im kinda scared. I dont know how things will once again change or shift. And my head is just a single head. Its one brain that now has to deal with so much going on i get a lot of headaches and dissociate sometimes even in the middle of doing things or talking to people cause shit will just randomly become chaos (tho im sure other mental things attribute to all that too here n there idk) but I wouldn’t say i hate being a system. I also dont think id ever wanna do that like fuse therapy shit and get rid of the others. Both out of a fear of losing myself and a fear of losing some of them. That shit sounds kinda scary to me. And where, yeah theres some that i dont get along with, there are others that i do get along with! And love a lot! I jokingly call some of them my siblings cause a lot of them have been around since i was a little kid (tho ill admit for a while I thought i just had a REALLY strong imagination and that for some reason my imaginary friends kept talking to me even as an adult till i finally realized hm. Maybe this is not the case. Lol) so like ya you’ll never see me honest to god saying ‘man i wish i had MORE random bastards in my head’ but like, thats just me

I’ve met so many systems and a lot of them are different. I’ve met some that WANT to fuse (i dont think thats the word they use for that therapy but i just got home from a stressful 8 hours on The Grind so I can’t think words all too well lol) ive met people that LOVE being a system people who hate it people who are pretty indifferent to it. I’ve met systems who are have a different person fronting every day ive met systems where you almost never see or hear from the others and its just primarily the host that takes charge. So many different people feel differently about the same things. That’s just life. But I am not gonna use ONE post randomly shown to me to 1) make an assumption on someone (especially something as harmful as faking) or 2) as a valid reason to harass them. Especially not when the person showing the post to me has only acted hostile towards me. Like honestly. Genuine tip here, being rude and mean to people is not how you try to change their minds or try to educate them on something. Walking into my house and telling me im the fake hedgehog just cause of one post and one answered ask and then trying to tell me im wrong is like so not the way my guy fr

I’m pretty sure ive said my entire peace on the matter here. So yeah, again if you send me any more anons i wont be answering them. I’m saying this just to try and save you some time and also some peace of mind. Honestly, please block me. Please forget my existence and go live your life. Its honestly worrying how you have now spent like two days in my anons about this shit, like i am not even joking like the joke is over please please please finish reading this, block me, and go watch one of your favorite comfort movies and smile i mean this so seriously

[spoiltizzy]

izzy pathetically stuffed and bloated in a cutesy little outfit.

(content warnings: feminisation in the form of izzy's been dressed up in makeup and 'girly' lingerie, stuffing obviously, but also some stuff you don't usually get from my content like mild intox, a LOT of burping plus some that's grosser than usual, belly gurgles, i'm gonna say some pretty strong inflation-y vibes, and most of all some lightly sprinkled references to nausea or the sort of things that happen in relation to nausea when someone really overdoes it, but no full-on emeto. also, i wrote out some noises, which is not my usual style and can be kinda off-putting for people lol. i know i don't have a massive audience but i wanted to outline all of this anyway before we get into it.)

thinking about izzy, dolled up, thigh-high stockings with ribbon garters, clips/bows in his hair... lacy bralette with little bows, cupping his plentiful chest... pink skirt, short and tight, frilly lace trim. pretty panties.

belly bulging out between the waistband of the skirt and the band of the bralette, massively overstuffed, heaving with his shallow breath, so round and taut he looks like he's about to burst, his fingers don't even sink into the flesh as he massages burp after burp out of his achy, swollen gut. so full of churning food that his belly only seems to swell bigger no matter how much air he manages to get up.

hiccuping, flushed, maybe a little drunk, bloated with beer on top of cake and butter, cream, pasta, pastries, and a million other ridiculously fattening things. things that don't agree with izzy. dairy, wheat, sugar... they don't hurt him, but, poor darling... they bloat him up and leave him moaning in discomfort, and pinned to the couch with a round, swollen belly on his lap gurgling and churning away, burping wetly and groaning pathetically. and that's if he eats a normal amount of them... this time, this time he's stuffed with them, stuffed until he couldn't even force another swallow to go down.

just. his belly, so full of all this stuff, stuff that disagrees with izzy, that it's bloating up as he sits there, belly so round and tight and only getting rounder and tighter. panting. squirming. groaning. burping wetly, trailing off into whimpers as he gasps breathlessly and writhes, trying to alleviate the pressure.

looking right up at stede after a particularly big, loud belch and picking a little at the pink skirt, now far too tight on him, practically creaking under the pressure. one or two stitches audibly snap.

izzy asking "what?", managing to gasp it out though he can barely breathe he's so big and full. "did you.... uuuuurp.... think i'd be--hic--cute, just cause you-" (he takes a break to pant) "put me in a--hic-uuurp--skirt?"

and stede just smiling. going "oh, darling," and coming close to izzy. "yes, i did think this would be cute." and then he holds a cup, or another pastry up to izzy's mouth. let's say a cup, a cup of something very fizzy. "and you certainly didn't--open up, now--you certainly didn't disappoint."

he pours the liquid down izzy's throat without pause, free hand on izzy's belly, feeling it... so tight he can feel it get bigger with each gulp. he doesn't pull the cup away until it's empty. he takes izzy's belly and shakes it, listening to it gurgle and groan, feeling it engorged beneath his hands, stretching even tighter, izzy moaning again, hiccuping, burping pathetically and then, with a little pressure from stede's fingers, burping again, loud, long, wet, with such pressure behind it.

"fuck you," izzy gasps out, gently lying himself down. all he can see is the bulge of his belly sticking up in the air, all he can feel is how big and swollen he is. he's smiling, though.

[the-travelling-witch]

💕💚🌟 for childe, xiao, and albedo <3

💕: Who’s the clingier one in the relationship?

For Childe and me, I think it might actually be Childe, although I always gladly welcome his affection. Unless he just came from a sparring session, then stay away from me!! (“Aw babe, but I really missed you!”- “Shower, now!”) Otherwise, I’m just kind of used to 191cm of muscles draping over me or pulling me onto the couch; I normally don’t get much done afterwards.

Most of the time, I’m the one initiating physical intimacy with Xiao but he reciprocates it pretty fast after getting over his initial hesitation. It has gotten a lot better in terms of letting himself indulge in affection but sometimes he still needs some time to let himself give it, too (“Well, you mortals are incredibly fragile compared to us adepti, I wouldn’t want to hurt you”- “I appreciate the sentiment but I’m really not that delicate. Also, I trust you, you would never hurt me, I know it.”)

Albedo and me… It’s hard to say, really. But it’s probably still me haha. Not because Bedo is against initiating it, it’s just… if both of us focus on a project we zone out for hours and kind of… forget. Once we’re done though, we’re pretty well matched though when it comes to clinginess. (“You guys really need to remember eating and drinking too!!” - “Sorry for making you burst down the door every so often ^^;” - “…when was the last time I ate?”)

💚: Who gets jealous?

Not gonna lie… it’s probably me. I mean can you blame me, I managed to bag three extremely attractive and attentive guys, of course I want to keep them all to myself.

“No need to get jealous, babe. You know I only have eyes for you. Although, you do look really hot when you’re glaring~ Yeah, just like that actually!!”

“Tch, loyalty is an important virtue for adepti, would never sink so low as to break it. Besides, you calm me down like nothing else, I could never part from you.”

“There’s no imaginable fear you should have about this, my starlight. Why is it that you still feel this way? Maybe I should research this…”

But, even so, everyone gets jealous eventually, some more and some less, so let’s see…

Childe doesn’t really get jealous because he only really considers those he recognises as strong as threats. Normally there’s not a lot of though people strolling through the city. Basically, a guy has to impress Childe first before he considers them worth the second thought. But once someone does and gets a little too close, oh boy, where’s the murderous intent coming from? Certainly not from the ginger with the friendly smile who’s squeezing the guy’s hand a little too tightly…

Xiao isn’t really familiar with the feeling because he never had much reason to feel jealous before. He’s also too perceptive to be fooled by blatant misunderstandings. At the end of the day, I’m my own person and can choose to do what I want, he doesn’t want to tell me what I can and can’t do. But what’s that sinking feeling in his gut at the image of me with someone else? No, he’s not a fan of that. (“C’mere, you silly adeptus!! How could I ever leave you?”)

Albedo just trusts me too much to feel concerned about me interacting with other men. Human emotions are already complicated, so why make it worse by speculating on someone else’s? Surely if I didn’t feel happy with him anymore, I’d just talk to him about it, right? Plus, if jealousy does ever creep up on him, he just directly talks to me about his troubles. (“You know, I could see you itching to leave the conversation.” - “Yeah, that guy was boring me to death. I just wanted to go home.”)

🌟: Who’s the tease in the relationship?

“Holly”

“Excuse you?! I’m not even doing anything.”

“Sorry but it’s true, sweetheart, you’re just so sexy, you being here is teasing enough.”

“I despise the language employed but I cannot disagree with the statement.”

“The argument does hold up and is factual based on my experiences.”

“If you’re all ganging up on me, then I have something to say, too!”

As you can tell, Childe can’t stop running his mouth and his favourite pastime is apparently using that silver tongue of his to flirt with me me. (“Don’t you have anything better to do?” - “Nope, you’re the best thing for me to do~” - *gestures in ‘See, I told you so’). He also, conveniently, finds ways to flex his muscles or show of his abs whenever I’m around. (“You’re not sly, you know.” - “Well, is it working?” - “… yes”) I’m not sure if he got the memo that we’re married, he’s still hellbent on seducing me.

“Oh, trust me I know. Our marital duties aren’t lost on me~”

“You’re the worst.”

“But you like that, don’t lie.”

“Can’t argue with that…”

Xiao is also mainly a tease through physicality alone. I mean have you seen his arms or his back? Hunting down demons really does give a guy a nice body ㅠㅠ Although, I’m not sure he knows of the effect it has on me, nobody can be that faux innocent. I said before that Xiao doesn’t really initiate physical touch, but he does do it subconsciously to guide me somewhere or to make sure I’m fine. And let me tell you, every time I feel his calloused palm on me… phew, my knees are turning to pudding

“…”

“Too honest?”

“Is that why you were turning red as jueyun chili when I squeezed past you in kitchen yesterday?! I thought it was because of the weather!”

“Well you did put your hand on the small of my back… Stop hiding your face behind your hands!”

Ahem, anyway… Albedo’s teasing always comes out of nowhere, I swear, you can never see it coming! One second he’s telling me about his newest experiment results, the next he’s dropping the most creative flirt on me. But his intelligence is attractive as hell, so it’s 100% effective.

“I’m glad you enjoy them.”

“I do. But please give me a warning, my heart can’t take it.”

“Ah I’m afraid I cannot do that. If I did, I would not be able to observe your adorable blushing face and it just happens to be my favourite thing to study.”

“You’re doing it again!!”

“Apologies, my love”

“I can tell you’re not sorry at all.”

…

“After all of this, you guys still think I’m the tease?”

“Jup.”

“Yes.”

“Affirmative.”

[self-ship ask game]

[blazingcobaltx]

Short Book 3 thoughts bc I'm gonna review it with Book 4 later:

There's a clear change in animation quality since Book 1 (I skipped 2 because eugh). For instance, the harsh lightning that was on top of everything in Book 1 is no more, which helps with animation clarity. At the same time, the foreground characters and backgrounds are more divorced from one another, which - in comparison to before - makes the characters blend less into their own world. I only notice this now that I've seen the two books back to back like this. Personally I feel the Book 1 animation was much better, but I understand that that must've been expensive to do for the rest of the show.

The story moves rather quick at the beginning, which consequently leads to less time to let certain moments sink in. At the same time, a lot of filler is spent on Bolin and his gags. If they had removed those moments (and woven in the humour more naturally instead) they would have had time to give some moments more weight. Or to just slow the pace so the audience could catch up with everything that happened. I felt myself pausing more often just so my thoughts could catch up with what was happening. Case in point: The Jinora/Kai and Bolin/Opal were both developed within 2 episodes ar most.

Watching this now as an adult with stronger thoughts about governments, it is interesting that the initial thesis of the Red Lotus isnt exactly disagreeable. It is less juvenile than Amon's and less fantastical than Unalaq's. It would have been more interesting to see Korra herself seriously consider the thesis of the Red Lotus, though I can imagine them not wanting to do that too much.

In terms of Korrasami, you can see that the show did its best to have both of them in frames next to each other as much as possible. Some of the most significant moments this season had Korra and Asami by each other's side, and that is probably where the initial feelings developed. In the vein of censorship, you can tell that the show tried its hardest to make people read into the subtextual clues they were leaving behind.

Ending the season with Korra's tear hits really, really hard.

IMO, the season's obvious major strength is the menacing nature of Zaheer and his squad, who are taking down everyone left and right. The major stake isn't even what their plan is but how you can even begin to take down seemingly invincible people. The setup and execution of that - the simultaneous return of airbending and the power-up of the worst possible person - are well-done. Still, I feel like something was missing in terms of impact, perhaps because of the sometimes mismanaged tempo. That's probably just me though, since Book 3 is a favourite of most.

[totaldramafan-lauri]

My Top 5 Songs in Hazbin Hotel (season 1)

W-well.....it's been a week since the finale, and while Hazbin still occupies a lot of my thoughts, I've mostly calmed down and have returned to thinking about my other hyperfixations alongside it again. Now that I'm not reeling with excitement anymore and I've rewatched the episodes and have let all the details sink in.....I have a few posts I wanna make!

This is the first one I wanna do. I LOOOOOVE the music of Hazbin to flipping DEATH. You can tell this is a show that was made by people who adore musicals and wanted to embody that in their show. Two songs per episode, and not a SINGLE dud. I mean it! While I have my personal favorites, I can say with confidence that every single song in this season is GREAT. I can easily see each song being someone's favorite, and I can see soooo many fans having unique top 5s filled with songs outside of mine. The soundtrack is THAT varied. There's something for everyone!

B-but, yeah, these are MY personal favorites. I'm not expecting my opinion to be the popular one, I just wanna show appreciation for five songs I love and have been playing on repeat since I first heard them. Anyone who's been around me during Eurovision season knows how much I love rambling about music I love, even if I'm by no means a music critic. It's just something I LIKE doing, and am maybe a bit passionate about too. S-so, if you disagree with me, that's fine! ^^

I-if you're interested in what I have to say, then feel free to read, as long as you know that I'm a rambler, so...be warned. Here we gooooo~!

"Poison"

Yup, can confirm, I'm still obsessed with this song. I haven't been listening to it AS often since the other songs came out, mainly cuz they're newer and I wanna spend more time with them, but I still go through withdrawal when I don't listen to this song a few times a day. Fittingly, it's....well, addictive to me! I-I can't help it....When this song was released on its own in early January it blew my mind! I did NOT expect this kinda song from Hazbin! Before it, I was fully expecting all the songs to be in the vain of Broadway, like "Happy Day In Hell" was. So, when this song hit, and I listened to it for the first time, my synthwave-loving heart was smitten within the first few seconds. It was love at first listen! I-I listened to this song on repeat for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT when it was new, and even after that, I could BARELY pull myself away from it for long for the next week. To say I was frothing over this song would be an understatement. And that was only because of the beat and instrumentation! That was enough to make me love it, like....I can say that even if I had never heard of Hazbin, I would still love this song.....but not only that, the lyrics are also FANTASTIC and make me feel so badly for Angel, showing how he blames himself for the situation he's trapped in. The first verse and chorus making it sound like he's having a good time, only for the second verse and chorus to start showing the cracks, and the ending absolutely gut-punching you by showing you the real him, with absolutely amazing voice acting. It's the perfect progression. And it hits even harder when you get the visuals along with it....

N-not gonna lie.....The scene that this plays in is hard to watch. That's not a complaint, since it was clearly the point, but....y-yeah, while I adore the song, I do tend to look away during its part in the episode. I love LISTENING to it on its own, but watching it is another story. Still my favorite song, but if you were introduced to it within the episode, I can definitely understand why it wouldn't be yours.

If I do have one complaint with this song, it's the lack of bridge. While a lot of great Hazbin songs are short, this is one that feels like it SHOULD be a full-length song, but isn't. However, this doesn't actually bother me. Never has. It's perfect as it is, it's just more of a "what if" thing, really.

2. "Stayed Gone"

When it comes to songs that feature Hazbin's resident scene-stealer, Alastor, you have two choices to pick from (W-well, there IS his amazing verse in "Finale", but I'm talking about songs where he's one of the main singers), and this is easily my favorite of the two. "Hell's Greatest Dad" is catchy and fun and all, but at least to me, it PALES in comparison to "Stayed Gone". I love this song to flipping death, holy crap. I can't WAIT to see Vox be the main villain of season 2 as Viv told us. I NEED to see more of this rivalry, cuz it gives me LIFE. I wanna talk about Vox as a character in another post, but in short, I really ended up liking him. The way he tries to be all cool and collected, but LOSES HIS MIND when Alastor comes up is extremely entertaining. The way he's so insecure about being rejected, yet tries to act like he doesn't care, it's great. Just the way he laughs nervously when he says "Where's he been? Who gives a shit!?" says it all. His VA is amazing. But really, Alastor just steals the show here, like he always does....The main reason why I like this song more than "Hell's Greatest Dad" is Alastor's demeanor here. H-he's SO confident and in control the whole time....acting so effortlessly level-headed as he puts Vox on blast, calling him out for his insecurities, his reliance on the other Vees, AND him still not being over being rejected all in one perfect verse....and then, capping it all off with that incredible, chilling ending, that ominous warning that he's got more in store, and he can't wait to have his fun....Easily my favorite single verse of the whole soundtrack. Exactly the kinda thing I wanted from the Radio Demon....J-just....the fact that he hijacked Vox's diss track on him, flipped it around, and ended it with THAT.....Holy crap....just....wow. Perfect....

A-also, this song is just....incredibly quotable, too? SO many memorable moments-

-Vox's drawing of Alastor -"Now his medium is getting bloody rare! *holding a plate of venison*" -"Clout-chasing mediocre video podcast" -"Every day, he's got a new format!" "You're looking at the future, he's the SHIT THAT COMES BEFORE THAT!" -"I said no and now he's pissy, that's the tea!" -"Uh-oh, the TV's buffering~"

Overall, I can't get enough of this song. It's a VERY close second. The only reason I put it below "Poison" is that this is a ranking of the songs as songs specifically, and "Poison" is easily the song I listen to the most on its own more than this one. To compare them, "Poison" is my favorite song to listen to, while "Stayed Gone" is my favorite song to watch in context. It's probably one of my favorite scenes of the whole season! The song's great, but the episode around it, knowing the characters, makes it even better. If you aren't a huge Alastor fan, I can't see this being one of your favorites, but if you are, it will most likely be. It's not really a song that can stand on its own without you knowing the characters.

3. "Hell Is Forever"

Now that Adam's dead, and we know we won't have to worry about dealing with him in the second season (unless he's in flashbacks)....we can come together and agree that this song is a flipping BANGER, right? I mean, holy crap, this song blew me away when I first heard it in a similar vain to "Poison". I heard it, and immediately knew I had to hear it again. I did NOT expect a song this epic in the first flipping episode. This sounds like a song you'd hear during the CLIMAX of some shows, it's so big. Seriously, it's BIG! Like, the way this song builds is incredible! That's the best part about it! I love a good rock song to begin with, and I LOVE the chorus, but then the song just kept topping itself! Each separate part- first chorus, great, second chorus, great, then it RAMPS UP with the instrumental break ("GUITAR SOLO FUCK YEEAAAAH"), clap along part, and FLIPPING KEY CHANGE ("Fuckin' HELL is forever, and it's meant to suck a lot!") that STILL gives me chills! This song has SO MUCH packed into it, it's crazy! It feels complete in a way a lot of other songs don't. This is the song that makes me wish I knew more music terminology cuz of just how many parts it has. I don't really care for Adam as a character, even if he does do his job at being a hatable villain, and cuz of that, for a while I was a bit ashamed of loving this song so much...but y'know what? Why SHOULD I be ashamed? Yeah, I don't agree with him, but I'm happy he gave us this song. AMAZING chorus, great buildup, just a dang epic song and I will NOT apologize for loving it! This is probably THE song I've been singing along with the most recently. It feels great to just....belt, even if I don't agree with the lyrics. XD

4. "Out For Love"

First off, I LOVE Carmilla's voice. Every song she's in gets bonus points from me by just her being in them. I can't explain why, I just find her voice very ear-pleasing. Part of that might be how distinct it is, but I know that's not the only thing....in any case, she's great. She's my second-favorite singer in the cast (after Alastor, of course). But even if she wasn't the one singing this song, I would STILL ADORE IT. This is a song that lives on its melody rather than its vocals, and holy CRAP is it catchy. The chorus, particularly the "LooooOOOoove, lo-o-o-OVE"s, live in my head rent-free. I also just tend to adore energetic fight songs and training songs, and this one definitely succeeds in hyping me up! It's a great song to put on when I need an energy boost cuz of how much of a punch it packs! The lyrics are great too, really tying Carmilla and Vaggie's motivations together as well as giving me inspo for my writing (let's just say that fighting for someone you love becomes relevant in the fic I'm working on, so...bias). It's too bad that this song is SOOOOOO SHORT! It's not even two minutes long! I would've loved for it to be longer! But, I guess not all songs can be long....*grumble* doesn't mean I can't be at least a bit bummed....I-I can't put this song on my playlist only cuz of how short it is....but for what we got of it, it's still incredible.

Also, I know that I'm only listing the songs here, but I do still wanna mention the visuals for this song, and how COOL they are. The choreography, ugh, it's soooo pretty! Carmilla is magnetic to watch, and I hope we get more of her in season 2!

5. "Respectless"

"That was a productive meeting!"

OK, n-now that that obligatory comment is outta the way, heh....

Yet another song that's shorter than two minutes, yet still packs a heck of a punch! This song being as catchy as it is is even more impressive than with "Out For Love", cuz unlike that song, this one has no chorus! It's just a short conversation in song form, that's all....and it goes SO unnecessarily hard!? Carmilla's voice is amazing like always (Her coming in mid-song with "You and the Vees are inane and uninfoooormed" is probably my fav part of the song), and Velvette absolutely crushes it here, calling out the older Overlords for being scared to fight and calling into question Carmilla's apprehension given that she's the one who makes guns for a living. Velvette's a brat, but she's smarter than you think she is, and I like that a lot. This song does lose a bit of impact following the finale, knowing that she doesn't follow through with any of what she says here and sits out the extermination with the other Vees, so....that's unfortunate, but this song still KILLS. It's basically an Establishing Character Moment for her, letting you know exactly the kind of person she is- confident, childish yet somehow smart, and showing her domain being social media by throwing in "I'm the hashtag bitch" and "Sorry bae, but I ain't swipin' right". This song makes you wanna see more of her, which we'll hopefully get next season! But honestly, that's all just the cherry on top for me. The main reason this song's one of my favorites is just the beat. I can't really explain what makes a song catchy, but....yeah, this song's catchy catchy CATCHYYYYYYY. All there is to it. It makes my monkey brain that likes catchiness happy.

And there we go, my five favorite songs from Hazbin Hotel! Like I said, I like all the songs in the show, these are just my favorites, and I hope you enjoyed me rambling about why I love them all just so, so much! But, I do have some honorable mentions that I also love almost as much, sooooo.....here's the rest of my top ten, if you're curious!

6. "Finale" 7. "You Didn't Know" 8. "Loser, Baby" 9. "More Than Anything" 10. "Whatever It Takes"

[seeminglyseph]

Learning about stimming has absolutely decreased my distress levels a lot, I didn’t know I was neurodivergent until I was an adult, because my ADHD diagnosis was hidden from me (due to fear of stigma) and I admit my theory about my own autism is based on some of my behaviours and symptoms lining up a little better with a mixed diagnosis, because medication absolutely does help me function, so there is ADHD in the soup, if there wasn’t then the medication wouldn’t have a positive impact on my mental health and functionality, but through talking with other people with exclusively ADHD symptom or exclusively ADHD and PTSD, it’s not the same experience, but when I look to what people describe some symptoms of Autism I do find some symptoms that are similar if not outright the same. But the diagnosis process and the risk of losing my autonomy is something that makes an Autism diagnosis kind of complicated because I’ve also had a lot of psychiatrists be. Like. “BPD, Bipolar 2, Major Depression, Anxiety, thirty medications, I’m not looking into ADHD you’re probably just a junkie or something, I disagree with that doctor I’m sending them a letter that you’re drug seeking even though I’ve so heavily over medicated you another doctor is gonna get visibly angry about it later” so like. Idk.

But sometimes things like. Hand flapping or squishy things. Being allowed to do things that I now know are stimming. Suddenly things are different in the world. It’s so wild and weird to learn it now when it feels like a lot of people are learning it so young, but also it’s still good to learn it.

But also sometimes someone from before I learned the like… “hey this is a thing that’s normal and acceptable and allowed” will show up and be a piece of shit about it and I find myself fighting with either “sink into yourself and become small” or new me pops up and either walks away or tells them to go fuck themselves which is very very interesting at family get togethers.

[hellmouth-manor]

Pulled By The Strings || Kamiya || Trial 3.3 || Re: Yukiko.

When asking Cass for help, it was obvious that Kamiya truly didn’t mean it as an accusation… After all? She was someone who he viewed as family, someone who he had truly thought of incredibly highly, someone who he had said time and time again was like family to him. She had always been someone who supported him, even in the darkest of times she really did stand out as someone who he could depend on… It was rare for Kamiya to make genuine bonds as she managed to do for him, sure, a lot of the time he was sociable, tried to get the good vibes going in a crowd… But when it came to friendships he always was hesitant about the close ones.

…After all, in this case Cass was someone he had called the sister he wished he had on many occasions to himself.

Yet this wasn’t Cass who showed her colors this time, listening to her words quietly and watching the reactions of everyone around him, it all was starting to blend together in a cacophony of noises, some were angry, others were shocked, some were absolutely mortified about the situation and some were even balling…

As for where Kamiya was in it all? It was hard to say, was he hurt? Absofuckinglutely he was! There was a pain in his chest that he hadn’t felt much in the past, the only other time being when Nori had done her little trick with Olwin in the past. A pain that he was trying to ignore once again and focus on the times he had talked to her, to Cass, not to Yukiko.

Was he scared? Sure, there was a part of him that feared everything going on there, two of the three times someone who killed another mentioned his name, how people thought he was going to die he would sink even further… It just hurt at this point, hearing all of that… It wasn’t like he disagreed with the thought he wasn’t going to survive, but the constant reminders… It really did seem to take a bit of a hit on him as he sunk a little lower in his podium.

And lastly, did he still trust Yukiko…? Of course not, but Cass was someone he trusted, the things that were said before still lingering in the back of his mind. Listening to the woman in front of him speak, his normal smile seemed to fade, and he let out a sigh, closing his eyes in response as he decided to ask a favor, not to anyone in particular, but…

“...Can… Can you guys cover the votes this time…? I’d feel bad sendin’ a friend up there t’ die. I don’t wanna do that t’ Cass.” Not so much Yukiko, but that hope that Cass was still in there somewhere was what he was focused on. 

Even now he knew that sounded stupid, in Nori’s case he saw the fear in her eyes when confronted about the problem, however, he didn’t see that in Yukiko’s eyes, at least, not at first glance… Maybe there was a part in there he could find in time, but he knew that she was someone who he was going to talk to later, he wasn’t going to be completely naïve though, not this time at least, he had at least learned he can’t trust everyone, especially not the people who seemed like they had no flaws.

After all, the tone of her voice, and everything she was saying reminded him of his actual sister far too much, someone who he never thought he’d have to encounter again in his life.

Turning his gaze back to Cass, or, Yukiko in this case, his look was pained, as if he had just watched a friend die in front of him, which, in a twisted turnabout way, was exactly what was happening.

“I wanna talk t’ ya after all of this an’ get t’ the bottom of what all ya lied ‘bout… Ain’t no reason t’ keep up the act completely after all’ve this, right? But I’ll be real with ya… This all hurts, it hurts a-fuckin’ lot… But everythin’ ya said t’ me couldn’t all be a lie, right? There’s gotta be a part’a it that was actually Cass speakin’ t’ me, I’d like t’ hold ont’a that much hope with this all. I’m probably bein’ stupid as shit, an’ yer probably gonna make that damn clear that I am but… I do think Cass is in there, somewhere.”

A sigh followed as he placed his hands in his pockets, turning his gaze away from the group as he did so. He wasn’t going to mask it anymore, the pain in his voice as it sounded like he was going to start crying, giving one final goodbye to his dear friend, a friend who he truly wished to meet again in the future.

“...Until then, I’ll miss ya, Cass.”

[tricksters-captain]

Bucky Barnes imagines - Some Sunny Day Part 4

AN: What a crazy episode! I definitely think this episode was one of the best so far and I cannot wait to see what happens next after that insane ending!

Overall Summary: Before the Blip, you and Bucky were close. After you both returning and Tony’s funeral, you decided to go back to your home town to spend time with your family. When duty calls, you return.  

In this chapter: Now in Latvia, you and the boys must find Karli before the Dora take Zemo away (Based on S1 EP4)

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 3)

Pairing(s): Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, Sam Wilson x Platonic!Reader

Word Count: 6,123

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 4, violence, strong language.

Once inside Zemo’s apartment, you started to look through the cupboards. 

Zemo had excused himself to take a bath but you felt starved. 

Even with the limited stock you managed to whip something up for you and Sam. 

“Thank you.” Sam took the bowl from you gratefully. The food Zemo had given you on his private plane wasn’t exactly edible and you were still feeling the affects of the Nagel fail in your body. 

“Well, the Wakandans are here.” Bucky announced as he entered the apartment; having returned from his walk. “They want Zemo. Bought us some more time.”

“”Were you followed?” Sam looked up at him. 

“No.” Bucky made his way over to you and Sam by the kitchen island. 

“How can you be so sure?” Zemo pondered. 

“Cause I know when I’m being followed.” Bucky sent an unimpressed glance to the man in the bathrobe. 

You pushed a bowl of pasta towards Bucky but he shook his head and pulled out his phone.

“It was sweet of you to defend me at least.” Zemo stated. 

“Hey, you shut it.” Sam quipped. “No one’s defending you. You killed Nagel.” 

“You gotta eat.” You whispered to Bucky. 

“Do we really have to litigate what may or may not have happened?” Zemo rounded the island so he was closer to you all.

“I’ll eat later.” Bucky mumbled back to you as he furrowed his brow at twitter. 

“There’s nothing to litigate. You straight shot the man.” Sam argued with Zemo. 

“Sam.” Bucky had found something. 

“What?” Sam turned his attention to Bucky and away from Zemo. 

“Karli bombed a GRC supply depot.” Bucky showed you his phone screen so you could read.

“What? What’s the damage?” Sam’s concern grew quickly. 

“Eleven injured, three dead.” You said after skimming over the article. 

“They have a list of demands and are promising more attacks if those demands aren’t met.” Bucky added as Sam sighed. 

“She’s getting worse.” Zemo spoke up. “I have the will to complete this mission. Do the three of you?”

“She’s just a kid.” Sam was right. She was only young, she reminded you of you when you first joined the avengers. Desperate to fight for a cause. 

“You’re seeing something in her that isn’t there.” Zemo disagreed. “You’re clouded by it. She’s a supremacist. The very concept of a Super Soldier will always trouble people. It’s that warped aspiration that led to Nazis, to Ultron, to the Avengers.”

“You’re talking about our friends.” You felt the need to remind Zemo that you were actually apart of the Avengers as you placed your empty bowl in the sink. 

“The Avengers, not the Nazis.” Bucky felt the need to clarify. 

“So, Karli is radicalised, but there has to be a peaceful way to stop her.” Sam was determined there wasn’t a need for a fight. 

“The desire to become a superhuman cannot be separated from supremacist ideals. Anyone with that serum is inherently on that path. She will not stop. She will escalate until you kill her.” Zemo explained as he reached for the bowl you had originally offered Bucky. “Or she kills you.” 

You swatted his hand away to which he frowned at. 

“Maybe you’re wrong, Zemo. The serum never corrupted Steve.” Bucky argued his point. 

“Touché.” Zemo picked up a biscuit instead. Holding it on his finger as he spoke. “But there has never been another Steve Rogers, has there?”

“Well, maybe we should give him to the Wakandans right now.” Bucky suggested to you and Sam as he moved over to the couch. 

“And you’ll give up your tour guide?” Zemo asked as he opened the cupboards to look for some food. 

“Yes.” Bucky didn’t hesitate. 

“From my understanding, Donya is like a pillar of the community, right?” Sam interrupted with a new thought. “So, when I was a kid, my TT passed away.”

“Your TT?” Bucky asked, unsure of what Sam had meant. 

“Yeah, my TT, yeah.” Sam nodded. 

“Who is your TT?” Bucky asked as you sat down beside him. 

“Fine. When I was a kid, my aunt passed away and the entire neighborhood got together for a ceremony. It was like a week long. Maybe they’re doing the same thing for Donya.” Sam proposed. He could be right. 

“Worth a shot.” You proclaimed. 

“Your TT would be proud of you.” Zemo sounded more awkward at the use of the phrase before he pulled out a fancy looking tin. “Turkish delight? Irresistible.”

Sam caught the small sweet that Zemo had thrown. 

“I say Zemo put’s some clothes on and we head over to the refugee camp that Donya was staying. See if anyone knows anything about a funeral or ceremony for her.” You ignored Zemo as he looked down at the sweets. 

“Sounds like a plan.” Sam stood from his seat at the island and looked over at Zemo. 

Zemo nodded before disappearing into a bedroom to change. 

It didn't take long to get to the camp from Zemo’s apartment. 

“Shame what’s become of this place. When I was young, we used to come here for fabulous dinners and parties. I knew nothing of the politics of the time, of course, but I remember it being beautiful.” Zemo seemed saddened by the state of the buildings being used as the camp. 

“I’m gonna take a look around upstairs. See what you can find out here. And keep an eye on him.” Sam told Bucky as he gestured to Zemo. 

“I’ll stay out of your way.” Zemo promised. 

“(Y/n), you look around through there. See if you can... You know.” Sam pointed down through one of the ground floor doors. You nodded and left the men.

Most of the adults fled when you entered the building but you noticed a young girl who looked too busy with what she was doing to notice. She had looked maybe 16 or 17 years old and she was embroidering an old silk scarf. 

“That’s beautiful.” You knelt down beside her but as you spoke, her eyes shot up and widened with shock and fear. 

“T-t-thank you.” She stuttered as her eyes flittered around the room for help. 

“It’s okay. I was just wondering if I could have a look at it.” You smiled softly at the girl as you held your hand out. 

She reluctantly gave it to you. 

“This truly is beautiful. You are very talented. May I buy it from you?” You placed your hand in your pocket and pulled out a note that you had previously stolen from Zemo’s jacket.

“You c-c-can have it.” She whispered as she stood. You rose with her as you folded the scarf to place into your pocket. 

“I insist.” You took her hand gently and cautiously and placed the money in her palm. She smiled but she still was nervous and full of worry. You figured she knew who you were. 

You folded your hands over hers and that’s when you unplugged the cork on your powers. 

You closed your eyes and within seconds all the girls memories flooded into your head. 

You tried not to react as it happened. 

You tried your best to filter through the memories quickly. When you reached the time after the blip, you slowed down. You saw the horrors of them being rejected, being abandoned and then you saw Mama Donya and Karli. 

You focused on Karli. 

You watched Karli smile and laugh with all the children, she’d play and look after them as Donya looked after Karli. 

Closer memories brought what seemed like events that only just happened. Karli visiting with supplies. 

You saw the mourning of Mama Donya from everyone and then you saw the arrangements for the funeral. 

You opened your eyes and let go of the girls hand. She thanked you again and left. She would have never realised what you had seen as the memories are shown to you within a matter of seconds. 

You leant against the table and inhaled deeply. 

You felt weak again. 

You pushed yourself off the table and headed back out to Bucky. 

Zemo was surrounded by a bunch of small children.

“You okay?”Bucky asked. The second you reappeared he immediately noticed a change in you. 

“I’m okay.” You lied. “I spoke to one of the teenagers inside. I looked inside her head. You were right, Sam. They are having a funeral but she only knew that she would be taken to it later this afternoon.” You explained as Sam joined you both. 

“Good work.” Sam wrapped his arm around you and gave you a small squeeze of appreciation. 

They both knew how hard it must've been for you to use your powers after the Nagel incident. 

The toll of touching the dead had knocked you for six in the past and in a matter of forty eight hours you had touched the dead and looked into the memories of a live person. 

You’ll need an energy boost before you can do this again. 

Zemo turned back to you and you all returned to the apartment. 

“Well, I got nothin’. No one’s talkin’ about Donya.” Bucky slouched down on the couch in defeat. 

“Yeah, it’s because Karli is the only one fighting for them.” Sam joined him on the couch. “And she’s not wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Bucky asked. 

“For five years, people have been welcomed into countries that have kept them out using barbwire. There were houses and jobs. Folks were happy to have people around to help them rebuild. It wasn’t just one community coming together, it was the entire world coming together. And then, boom. Just like that, it goes right back to the way it used to be. To them, at least Karli’s doin’ somethin’.” Sam explained himself. 

“You really think her ends justify her means? Then, she’s no different than him or anybody else we’ve fought.” Bucky pointed over to Zemo. 

“She’s different. She’s not motivated by the same things.” Sam argued with Bucky.

“Sam’s right.” You spoke up. “When I looked into that girls head I saw a lot of Karli. She means a lot to those people, she is their light, their Captain America. But she’s just a kid. From what I saw she has a whole lot of love in her heart and I'm not saying that hurting and killing people is right but she sees it as the only way to help her people.” 

Zemo had walked over from the kitchen with a tray as you spoke. 

“That little girl. What’d she tell you?” Bucky questioned him. 

“The funeral is this afternoon.” Zemo only said what you already knew. 

“We know that. Now you know the Dora’s coming for you any minute. In fact, they’re probably lurking outside right now. Keep talking.” Bucky demanded. 

“Leaving you to turn on me once we get to Karli. Hmm. I prefer to keep my leverage.” Zemo sure knew how to push someone’s buttons. 

Bucky shot up and threw Zemo’s cup against the wall. The crashing of the glass made both you and Sam jump to your feet. 

“You wanna see what someone can do with leverage?” Bucky threatened Zemo. 

“Take it easy. Don’t engage him. He’s just gonna extort you and do that stupid head tilt thing.” Sam tried to de-elevate the situation. “Let me make a call.”

“You want some cherry blossom tea?” Zemo offered Bucky as Sam walked away.

“No, you go ahead.” Bucky grumbled, scowling at the Baron. 

“Come on.” You took Bucky’s hand and pulled him away from Zemo. 

You headed into the bathroom and started to fill up the tub with some cold water. 

“Will you get me some ice?” You asked Bucky to which he complied. 

Once the tub was full of ice water, you stripped and climbed inside. 

Bucky had taken a stool and faced the door to give you some privacy. 

“You shouldn’t let him get to you.” You said as you settled into the water. Your body was screaming at you as the ice touched it but you knew it’d give you the wake up call you and your muscles needed. 

“I don’t.” Bucky grimaced. 

“You don’t? Oh, so the shattered cup in the other room was just a scare tactic?” You mused. 

“Yep.” Bucky grumbled. 

“Okay.” You sighed before going under. 

The cold water hit your brain and you immediately sat back up. 

“Feel better?” Bucky had heard the splashing of the water. 

“Yeah.” You admitted, running your hands over your face and hair. “Can I have my towel?”

Bucky kept his back to you as he passed you the towel. 

You wrapped it around you and stepped out. 

“You can look.” You told him.

Bucky turned and his eyes went straight to the bruises that covered your legs and arms. 

“I’m okay, Buck.” You assured him as you watched the cogs turning in his head. 

“I forget you aren’t...” Bucky’s words dropped off as he stepped closer and lightly took your arm, examining the damage. 

“That I’m not a super soldier?” You smirked. “I may bruise but I can hold a lot more than most, Buck.” 

“Doesn’t stop me worrying.” Bucky admitted as he lowered your arm. 

“I know.” You whispered, looking up at the man’s deep blue eyes.

“You better get dressed. You already know what Sam is thinking with us both being gone right now.” Bucky went to go towards the door when you stopped him. 

“I had a dream about Wakanda on the plane ride here.” You confessed. 

Bucky stopped and looked back at you. 

“It was the day you finally beat the Winter Soldier.” You told him. 

*Flashback*

“These are incredible, Shuri.”  You smiled widely as you threw the new high tech Vibranium knives that Shuri had made for you. 

“I know. I know.” Shuri was well aware of her awesome brain. 

Shuri pressed the combat button on the wall which simulated attackers for intense weapon training. 

You inhaled as you closed your eyes. 

A footstep gave away your first attacker. You threw the knives to the holograms and the attackers were down. You ducked and dodged and jumped around the room as you practised with the knives. 

Shuri cheered you when you finished. You smiled through your heavy breaths and Shuri jogged towards you to give you a fist bump. 

“You are something else, my friend.” Shuri praised you. 

The doors opening behind you made both you and Shuri turn to see who had entered. 

It was Bucky. 

He rushed towards you with a bright smile. His lips seemed to quiver and his eyes were glassy. Something had happened. 

It had happened.

He embraced you tightly and you returned it. Your fingers gripped onto Bucky’s long hair as he buried his face in your neck. 

You looked back at Ayo (who had followed Bucky) and Shuri and mouthed a ‘Thank you’. 

Ayo bowed her head at you before leaving the hall. 

Bucky had finally gotten over HYDRA’s programming after all these years of being held prisoner by a few words. 

You and Bucky stayed like that for what felt like hours. The relief from Bucky washed over you and bound him to you until he was ready to part. 

It was an incredible day.

*End of Flashback*

“Maybe you could sense that the Dora’s were close on our tails.” Bucky suggested. 

“No, we all knew that they’d come for Zemo eventually.” You dismissed the idea. “I think it was after seeing Zemo treat you like him again.” 

Bucky remained silent. 

“I don’t think I ever told you how proud I was of you that day.” You folded your arms over your chest as you leant back on the tub.

“You didn't need to.” Bucky assured you. “I already knew.” 

You watched Bucky leave the bathroom so you could change. 

When you had returned to the main space again it was just about time to head out again. 

You felt a little nervous as you didn’t really want a fight with Karli since you weren’t 100% but you figured you had felt a hell of a lot worse before.

As you left the apartment, a voice and face you didn’t particularly wanna see called out. 

“Karli Morgenthau is too dangerous for you guys to be pulling this shit.” John Walker and his little side kick were walking down some stairs towards you. 

“Ah! How’d you find us now?” Bucky called back. 

“Come on. You think three Avengers can walk around Latvia without drawing attention?” Lemar, Walker’s partner, scoffed. 

“No more keeping us in the dark. You could start by telling us why you broke him out of prison.” Walker pointed out Zemo. 

“He did that himself, technically.” Bucky corrected Walker.  

“This better be an unbelievable explana––”

“––Hey, take it easy before it gets weird.” Sam interrupted Walker before things could get heated in front of civilians.

“I know where Karli is.” Zemo kept walking as the others stopped. 

“Well, where?” Walker asked, stopping Zemo by stepping in his way. 

“All we know is it’s a memorial. So, we’re gonna intercept her there.” Sam informed them.

“That means civilians. High risk of casualties.” Lemar relaid to his partner as you continued to walk.

“All right, good, we’ll move in fast. Take her by surprise.” Walker started to talk through his plan when Sam stopped him. 

“No, I wanna talk to her alone.”

“I’m not losing her again.” Walker argued with Sam. 

“Look, the person closest to her died, she’s vulnerable. Now is the best time to reason with her.” Sam was trying to defend his reasoning but Walker wasn’t having it. 

“What? No. Wait, no! No! Stop. Hold on. Stop, okay?” Walker ran up ahead to stop everyone again. “I think we’re way past reasoning with her, unless you forgot that she blew up a building with people still in it.” 

“Sam, you walk in there cold, she could kill you, man.”Lemar tried backing up his partner. 

“If I go in hot and the op goes wrong, more people will die.” Sam handed over the other scenario. 

“You’ll let him do this?” Walker looked between you and Bucky. “Are you gonna let your partner walk into a room with a Super Soldier alone?”

“He’s dealt with worse.” Bucky told him flatly. “And he’s not my partner.”

“I used to counsel soldiers dealing with trauma, okay? This is in my wheelhouse.” Sam walked past you and Bucky to face Walker.

“I know. And I know those soldiers, which is why I know this is a bad idea.” Walker still wasn't on board. 

“Wait, John.” Lemar stopped Walker.  “If he can talk her down, it might be worth a try.”  

“Thank god Battle-scar here has some sense.” You declared. 

“It’s Battle Star actually.”Lemar smiled at you but you ignored him. 

“We’ll deal with you later.” Walker told Zemo as he caved in.

“I’m sure it will all come to an agreeable conclusion. My associate is just up ahead.” Zemo lead you towards the young girl he had spoken to earlier that day. 

“Hello, my friend. This is for your family. Can you show us the way?” Zemo handed her some money and the girl beckoned for you all to follow.  

“What the hell?” Walker seemed a little confused by Zemo’s ‘associate’ being 12.

The girl lead you to the building where the funeral was being held and you all waited for a signal. 

“Karli’s in there.” Zemo announced as the girl ran off. 

Sam went in whilst Walker cuffed Zemo. 

“You got 10 minutes. Then we are doing things my way.” Walker told Sam before he left. 

“Aggressive.” Zemo mumbled after being handcuffed. “But I get it.”

You rolled your eyes subtly at both Walker and Zemo. 

You took up a position by the door with Bucky. 

You watched Walker sit down, his grip on the shield was tight as he slowly huffed in and out. 

You frowned as you studied the man. Your eyes glanced over to Zemo who was also watching Walker. 

You shared a look before you let your eyes fall back down to your feet.  

“Uh-uh. No, no, no. This is a bad idea.” Walker started to pace as he let his impatience get the best of him. 

“It hasn’t been ten minutes, John. Just sit tight.” Bucky sighed unimpressed by the young solder. 

“Don’t do that. Don’t patronise me.” Walker glared back at Bucky. 

“Sam knows what he’s doing.” You backed Bucky up. 

You all watched Walker stop as he thought. His heavy breathes causing his chest to rise up and down quickly. 

“I’m goin’ in.” Walker didn’t want to listen anymore. He stormed towards the door but both you and Bucky stepped in his way.

“This is all really easy for you, isn’t it? All that serum runnin’ through your veins.” Walker didn’t even look at you as he squared up to Bucky. 

That really bothered you.

You took hold of the man’s upper arm and yanked him to look at you. 

“You may be Captain America right now but we don’t follow you. We said we’d give him 10 minutes. So, he’s getting 10 minutes.” You glowered at the man. 

“Your partner needs backup in there. Do you really want his blood on your hands?” Walker leant towards you, trying to be intimidating but it wasn’t working. 

“Just wait.” You looked the man in the eye with a subtle threat in your stare. His jaw clenched as he tugged his arm away from you. 

Walker went back to look at the clock again. 

After a couple more minutes, he tried once more. 

“Time’s up! Our turn.” Walker didn’t hesitate to push past you as he charged ahead. 

Bucky kept his tongue in his cheek as he watched it happen. 

You and Bucky stayed behind Walker and his partner as they marched ahead.

“Karli Morgenthau, you’re under arrest.” Walker announced as he entered the room. 

“This is what that was?” Betrayal flashed across Karli’s face as she looked at Sam. 

“No, wait––” Sam didn’t have a chance now that Walker had intervened.

“––Tricking me until help came?” Karli started to back away. 

“We had enough time to talk.” Walker exclaimed as he headed straight for Karli. 

“Nazi! “ Karli wasn't going the easy way. She hit Walker back and he went straight into a table. 

Lemar tried to keep you and Bucky back but you had easily managed to get round him to chase after Karli. 

Bucky being what he was managed to get ahead of you but you were close on their trail. 

Sam had found his own way but ultimately you all lost Karli. 

“I lost her.” Bucky sighed.

“This place is a maze.” Sam looked around at the several doorways with a frown. 

The sound of gunshots is what caught your attention next. 

“Come on.” You rushed through the building trying to get to the source. 

You didn’t manage to get there before Walker did. 

Zemo was unconscious on the floor and vials of the serum were smashed around the concrete floor. 

“What happened?” You asked as you looked down at the mess. 

“He was shooting at Karli. I stopped him but she got away.” Walker lifted his shield a little to symbol how he had stopped Zemo. 

“Let’s get him up.” Sam started down the stairs and you followed. 

Zemo woke up after a little encouragement and some smelling salts. You had decided it was best if you split up on your way back to the apartment. 

You and Sam were going to stay with Zemo and see if you can dig up anything on socials and the computer and Bucky was going to do a round and see if she had holed up anywhere familiar. 

Sam sat at his computer, he was contacting Sharon whilst you stood with your phone searching Twitter to see if any Flag Smashers appearances or Karli were popping up in recent tweets. 

Zemo laid down on the couch with a wet towel and a strong glass of scotch. 

“You got anything?” Sam asked you. 

“Nothing. I don’t think we’ll find her this time if she doesn’t want us too.” You put your phone down in defeat. It wasn't usual for people to give her Karli’s location anyway. 

“I think you’re right.” Sam hated to agree but this was the first time you had come close to actually talking Karli down and it failed. 

“And now with the serum’s gone. Who knows what her next move will be.” You knew that Karli didn’t have the option to create more super soldiers now and that gives her a disadvantage. The idea of an army is gone now and she would only have her current foot soldiers to help her. 

Zemo moved for the first time in ten minutes as he lifted his cold compress. 

“Were you ever offered it?" He asked aloud. 

“What?” Sam furrowed his brow at the man. 

“The serum.” Zemo replied. 

“No.” Sam smirked at the idea. 

“If you had been, hypothetically, that is, would you have taken it?” Zemo inquired. 

“No.” Sam answered instantly, his smile dropping. 

“No hesitation. That’s impressive.” Zemo nodded before removing his towel. “Sam. (Y/n). You can’t hold out hope for Karli. No matter what you saw in her, she’s gone. And we cannot allow that she and her acolytes become yet another faction of gods amongst real people. Super Soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.”

“Isn’t that how gods talk?” Sam queried. “And if that’s how you feel, what about Bucky?” There was a silence from Zemo. “Blood isn’t always the solution.” 

Before the conversation could continue, the door opened and Bucky strode inside.

“Something’s not right about Walker.” Bucky stated as he removed his jacket. 

“You don’t say.” Sam huffed with amusement. It was clear as day that Walker was at his wits end with the pressure on him.

“Well, I know a crazy when I see one. Because I am crazy.” Bucky poured himself a glass of whiskey. You rolled your eyes at his statement. 

“Can’t argue with that.” Sam retorted. 

“Shouldn’t have given him the shield.” Bucky was back on this topic again. 

“I didn’t give him the shield.” Sam rose to his feet to face Bucky.

“Well, Steve definitely didn’t.” Bucky sipped on his drink just as the doors flew open. 

All right. That’s it. Let’s go. I’m now ordering you to turn him over.” Walker commanded, his face red and his ears steaming. 

“Hey, slow your roll. Shield or no shield, the only thing you’re runnin’ in here is your mouth. Now, I had Karli and you overstepped. He’s actually proven himself useful today. We’ll need all hands on deck for whatever’s comin’ next.” Sam approached Walker to try and pump his breaks. 

“How do you want the rest of this conversation to go, Sam, huh?” Walker chuckled softly as Sam remained silent. “Yeah. Should I put down the shield? Make it fair?”

Sam scoffed, shaking his head at the man’s antics. 

Walker put down the shield but the only thing flying next was a spear that struck the pillar by Walker’s head. 

It was the Dora Milaje. 

They had come for Zemo. 

From your time in Wakanda you understood the language as Ayo spoke to Bucky. 

“Even if he is a means to an end. Your time is up.” Ayo reverted back to English. “Release him to us now.” 

Walker introduced himself to Ayo, not that she cared for him.

“Well let’s, uh, put the pointy sticks down and we can talk this through, huh?” Walker suggested, only to be met, yet again, by silence from the Dora’s.

“Hey, John, take it easy. You might wanna fight Bucky before you tangle with the Dora Milaje.” Sam tried to warn him but he wasn’t backing down. 

“They don’t have jurisdiction here––”

“––The Dora Milaje have jurisdiction wherever the Dora Milaje find themselves to be.” Ayo cut Walker short. 

“Okay.” John chuckled lightly. “Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot.” Walker made the mistake of putting his hand on Ayo’s shoulder. 

Ayo responded with an attack. 

The surrounding Dora’s fell into defence positions as Ayo and Walker fought.  Lemar bounced into action, trying to help his partner out but it only warranted in more fighting. Or more asses getting kicked by the Dora Milaje. 

“We should do something.” Sam said as you, him and Bucky stood together watching. 

“Looking strong, John.” Bucky called out. 

“Bucky!” You tried not to laugh as you scolded the man. 

“Guys...” Sam nodded to Ayo about to strike John with her spear which made Bucky reluctantly intervene. 

“Ayo, let’s talk about this.” Bucky only landed himself directly in the mess. 

You realised how serious this was as Ayo didn’t hold back and went ahead to help Bucky. Sam went over to help Lemar but was met by more Dora's.

You grunted as one of the women attacked you. You had almost forgotten just how incredible they were at combat. Almost. 

You were backed against a wall with the spear to your chest when the room fell silent. 

You looked over at Bucky to see his arm was on the floor. 

You wanted to move towards him but you were stuck until orders were given to release you. 

“He is gone. Leave it.” Ayo had opened the bathroom doors to reveal the manhole had been opened. Zemo had escaped. 

You were trying to slow your breathing when finally the Dora’s fell back. 

She retracted her spear and left with Ayo and the others. 

“Did you know they could do that?” Sam asked Bucky as he pushed himself off the floor. 

Bucky reattached his arm. He groaned as he swung it round to adjust it. 

“No.” He said but the shock on his face from before had already given away that answer. 

You looked past Bucky to where Walker was still on the floor. 

“You all right, man?” Lemar offered his hand to help him up. 

“They weren’t even Super Soldiers.” You heard Walker mutter. 

“Come on.” Lemar tugged him to his feet. 

“I can’t believe he pulled an El Chapo.” Sam walked over to the bathroom and stared at the hole. 

“I can.” Bucky wasn’t really that surprised and neither were you truthfully. 

“Come on.” You beckoned the boys out of the apartment so you could talk. 

You got down to the streets and away from Walker before you spoke again. 

“Walker isn’t stable. He’s on the brink of cracking.” You kept your voice low as you spoke to the boys. 

“What do you mean?” Sam asked. 

“We may not like him but he’s not stupid. He knows that he can’t be Steve, do the things Steve did and it’s killing him. He's so obviously trying to win this fight by himself and it’s going to drive him insane if he isn’t the one to beat Karli.” 

“But he can’t beat Karli. You saw her kick him across the room like he was a cardboard box.” Sam reminded you of what happened earlier. 

“We have to get to Karli before he does because he’s either gonna stop her or kill himself trying.” You weren't worried for the man but worried about what would happen if he finally snapped. 

Suddenly, Sam’s phone started to ring. It was his sister. 

“She said what? Right. Hold on, hold on. I know, I know. Listen, pack an overnight bag and take the boys...” Sam sounded worried. 

“What happened?” Bucky asked. 

“Karli called Sarah. She threatened my nephews.” Sam told you both. “Okay. Go somewhere safe. Only pay cash. All right? Tell me when you arrive. I know. Look, I love you. I’ll never let anything happen to you and the boys. Okay. Bye.” He hung up and then immediately texted an unknown number. 

“What does she want?” You knew Karli was desperate but threatening kids was a different story.

“Karli wants to meet. She left a contact number.” Sam’s phone buzzed with a new text. “She said come alone.”

“We’re coming with you.” Bucky wasn’t going to take no for an answer. 

“Alright but keep your distance.” Sam didn’t bother to fight you on it. “We better suit up.” 

You suited up by adding a few more weapons to your body. You placed your favourite thigh holsters on that held your Vibranium knives out on display. 

Sam got his wings and soon you were at the location. 

“Karli!” Sam bellowed as you entered the building. 

Karli leant over a balcony to make herself seen. You remained on the ground floor but looked up at the girl. Bucky followed Sam. 

“You called my sister? That’s how we’re gonna play this?” Sam was upset and understandably so. 

“Sam, I would never hurt her. I just wanted to understand you better.” Karli confessed.“I see you, um, didn’t come alone.”Karli peered down at you then up at Bucky. 

“You have to end this now.” Sam told her. 

“I don’t wanna hurt you. You’re a tool in the regimes I’m looking to destroy. You’re not hiding behind a shield. If I were to kill you, it’d be meaningless. I was gonna ask you to join me. Or do the world a favour and let me go.” Karli spoke pretty boldly for someone who seemed to be alone. Super Soldier or not. 

“Hey, Sam, new Cap is moving, looks like he’s found them, or maybe they found him.” Sharon’s voice came through on Sam’s intercom. 

“It’s Walker.” Sam looked down at you and then Bucky. 

Karli jumped from the balcony at the realisation the jig was up but Bucky was quick to jump too. 

Karli kicked Bucky back but you managed to weaken Karli as you flipped over and kicked her in the jaw. 

Sam put her down momentarily as he flew down and kicked her also. 

“I’ll send you the location. Go!” Sam ordered both you and Bucky before he took off. 

You knew Bucky would be fast enough to run there but you didn’t have that luxury. 

You crossed the street to a parked motorbike and opened up it’s wiring. Just as you managed to get it running, Sam’s coordinates came through. 

You docked your phone and set off. 

You dodged through the narrow streets and traffic to arrive at another large building. Karli must have a favour for buildings you could get lost in. 

You drove through the doors and skidded to a stop. 

Bucky had gotten there before you. You could hear his grunts from a flight or two up. 

You raced up them only to be met by a super soldier fighting Bucky. 

You sent a knife forward, it embedded itself into the man’s soldier, he cried out which gave Bucky some time to throw him down the stairs. 

You tucked up, over the tumbling body, holding onto the railing and the wall. 

Bucky jumped over the rails and with one final blow knocked the soldier unconscious. 

“Stay there.” Bucky told him before climbing back up to you. He thanked you for the help, handing you back the knife that had been in the man’s shoulder. 

You then both went ahead to find Sam and Walker. 

They were fighting more super soldiers a floor up. 

You didn’t hesitate to go in for the attack.

You pulled a knife and threw it to Bucky for help; he caught it midair. 

You screamed with frustration as the soldier you were fighting, pulled your arm behind you and slammed you into the pillar. You managed to swivel around, taking out the soldiers legs as you freed your arm. 

You threw a knife into both his biceps. You only intended to injure, not kill, them anyway. 

He groaned as he pulled them and tried to use them against you. 

All at once, the fighting stopped when you all witnessed Karli kick Lemar into one of the concrete pillars. 

Lemar’s body slumped down with blood painted across his lips. 

John broke free from his attacker and slowly made his way over to Lemar. 

From the sight of the body, you already knew he wasn’t walking out of there. 

Walker desperately tried to wake him up. 

That’s when Karli took her chance to flee. 

You and the boys took off after her but lost her again pretty quickly. 

When you rounded the building, you saw a crowd gathering. 

What you saw next made you feel psychically sick. 

John Walker stood above Karli’s right hand man, blood splattered up Steve’s shield and across his uniform. 

He had killed the man in front of all these civilians. He had killed a man as Captain America. 

(PART 5 HERE)

Bucky Barnes Tag List

@florencxs​ @mystictimetravelcolor​ @yourphotographyteen16​@shannon-posts​@darkbluenovember @sexwithhiddlesbatch​@thefandomimagines​ @mydarkness-itsnotmyfriend​ @sad-huffle-nerd​ @glitchingghosts​ @themaddies-obx​ @avenging-parker​@delilahsdaydream​​ @felicityofbakerstreet​​ @purplewcrld​​ @opheliaaaa​​ @avisexe​ @lindseyrae20​ @thanossexual​ @smolanxiousdeku​ @soccer-100000​

[shotorozu]

BABE , i saw a hc ( i think it was urs) where the boys’s s/o was really fashionable, ( as somebody that’s gone viral on pinterest a little too many times ) I WAS WONDERING , what if you did a todobakudeku ( separately please omg) with somebody that’s like the emma chamberlain of fashion and they own everybody’s pinterest boards and stuff AHAHA IDK , the amount of times somebody has said ‘ wait ur that one pinterest girl right?? ‘ ANYWHAHEEIE I LOVE YOU N HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! 💗💗

pinterest famous s/o

character(s) : midoriya izuku, bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] afab! reader, they/them pronouns (at the request of anon) strong quirk hinted; not specific

headcanon type : fluff, crack-ish (x reader)

note(s) : thank you anon!! so ok, i still used they/them pronouns even though the reader is afab (again at the request of anon) and whdjwkd sorry for the inactivity :,) also im gonna post more later so— sorry for the delay

»»————-　♡　————-««

midoriya izuku

when middle school midoriya finally got a phone, he downloaded pinterest for the sole purpose of looking at screencaps of heroes

but then, he hasn’t touched it a few months, because he’s been training with all might

then, when he finally had enough free time again— he decided to go on pinterest

but instead of finding any heroes he could look at, he found the prettiest human being he has ever seen in his entire life 💀

that person was a different type of beauty, y’know— they weren’t just fashionable, but their beauty was,,

timeless? that’s how he’d describe it. yeah. that person lived in his head rent free for a while

sadly, he feels like you’re that person he sees once in his life, and never again 😔　which isn’t the case

when he finally meets you, midoriya realizes that you look VERY familiar— someone on pinterest, that he unfortunately, didn’t know the name of

but then wait! he realizes that you’re that person. that one person that blew up on pinterest, and ended up in all of the fashion boards.

okay, you’ve been recognized a few times in the past, just because you were pinterest famous— but you didn’t expect him to recognize you

“wait,, you know me?” you asked him when you saw the realization sink in

and you were honestly,, flattered when he went on a tangent on how you were on all of the pinterest boards, and how your sense of fashion was timeless

but you know what’s the best thing of it all? when izuku developed a crush on you (and not because he thought you were just an attractive face)

it was very easy to find pictures of you online! he says it’s for research but,, he tends to look at them for a long time

probably has 3-4 pages dedicated to your hero costume— since fashion icon = fashionable, yet a very practical hero costume!

does he get jealous whenever people fawn over your looks, or whenever he sees comments in pinterest comment sections just asking for your socials in such desperation?

hmm,, yes? he does occasionally feel like someone like you, should be with someone as equally beautiful as you

he thought he was always plain looking, but you wholeheartedly disagree! in fact, you fell in love with his ability to pay attention to detail.

to the random creeps in the comments section, he just contacts the uploader and asks them to delete any malicious comments and it works 100% of them time.

on the brighter side, he helps a lot with taking your pictures (if you ask him to) and sometimes! he’ll even appear in them

izuku will always be your #1 fan!

bakugou katsuki

at first, you’d be like “katsuki owning pinterest? naaah.” but! i think he would

being an all might fan, he liked looking at all might screen caps— and while katsuki would be on the discreet side, he’d find himself looking at them whenever he has extra minutes to burn

not to mention, the cooking recipes on there aren’t the worst, so he doesn’t just use pinterest to look at screen caps of heroes doing their work

and, how could he forget that you’ve been bugging him to search for rare screen caps? he says that it’s useless— but he finds himself digging for you anyway,

which is whyyy

he finds an entirely different rabbit hole, and it’s way past 10pm, 3 more minutes wouldn’t wound him.

the blond doesn’t know how he even stumbled on.. this side of pinterest. the one that kind of hurts his eyes.

the more well known side of pinterest, that is covered in pictures of fashion boards, and the standard pretty person.

the ‘aesthetic’ side, kaminari calls it— it makes bakugou cringe, and he was just about to refresh his page

when he spots something familiar, it’s you‼️ well it wasn’t just you but, you were dressed in something,, nice.

like sure! you’re attractive. but that’s not why he’s dating you, there’s a lot of reasons as to why

but, he’s baffled. seeing you in a different light, and in such nice clothing, what more, when he sees that you’re actually everywhere. he hasn’t seen this much of you and your attractive ass before

katsuki told himself that he was going to sleep a few minutes ago, but now? he’s left admiring all of your pictures.

how did he not know that his s/o’s pinterest famous? you’re practically in every single board!

he confronts you the next day in an oddly weird manner, “you didn’t tell me you were famous on that stupid pinterest app.”

you’re sheepish, “welll, i didn’t know that you were going to stumble on that side of pinterest!”

he doesn’t say anything, and really! it looks like he doesn’t care about the newest discovery of his s/o

but he shows his feelings in his own way.

like, how katsuki insists that he finds a new outfit that you’d absolutely love— one that’ll fit with your aesthetic

and that he insists that he does your graphic liner, because you’re going to ‘poke your eyes out’

makes an entirely different account to reply to those simps and creeps in the comment section, sort of like

random pinterest user : “the things i’ll do to be crushed by them 💦”

pinterestuser461903 : “go touch some fucking grass.”

also would’ve commented “your art sucks” at the poorly done drawings of you in the comments, but knows you appreciated the art— so he doesn’t

(still thinks the fanart doesn’t do you enough justice)

he’ll be super proud when someone notices you in person like “yeah that’s fucking right, but too bad they’re super attractive and way out of your league.”

in short, it looks like katsuki doesn’t care at all about your pinterest famous life, but he’s your #1 supporter

todoroki shouto

i am certain for this one— he doesn’t have pinterest

well, he didn’t have pinterest, until midoriya convinced him to create an account, but it kinda just ended at that

but the person that actually made him use pinterest was sero, because he kept bugging him to give it a try

todoroki finds the app very practical— he can find screen caps of heroes in action, and he can also find oddly helpful tips in cooking (and in anything)

but sero was like “todoroki, what about the aesthetic value??” and todoroki didn’t really get that part to be honest 💀

todoroki, being clueless didn’t know what to search for— so sero being the wonderful friend he is, helped him search for it

and that’s when it happened. it didn’t take that long, but they eventually found an entire section just full of pictures of you; their classmate and crush

“is that Y/N?” mina notices what they’re looking at, and she observes the picture “oh wow— it is her! no wonder why she looked familiar.”

“it’s impressive! our classmate is pinterest famous!” they continue to look at every single post in each board, and todoroki’s left to observe in silence

he has definitely taken a liking to you, even if he didn’t realize it at first— he liked you because of your hard work when it came to training, personality and patience, not because of your looks

obviously, todoroki thinks that you look good in anything, trashbag style or not. but seeing you in this light was interesting.

so after training, todoroki would spent a good portion of his time scavenging for more pictures— not because he was obsessed or anything

but because,, he really liked your pictures. maybe it was because without you in those pictures, it would feel incomplete

he didn’t know how to approach you after this discovery, which is why he’s glad that you approached him first

“todoroki! what are you looking at?” you took a peak at his screen, and you’re baffled to see yourself, and that very famous picture of you

he’s quiet for a second when he realizes that you’ve caught him staring at your pictures, but he explains calmly, “sero accidentally discovered your pictures,, and i just wanted to take a peak at them, if it was okay,,”

and he’s relieved— well, you’re also relieved. you didn’t know how your crush would react if he ever saw those pictures, but your heart skipped a beat knowing that he enjoyed looking at them

“it’s alright todoroki,” you smile, honestly over the moon as you spoke “i’m really glad that you like them.”

sometimes you’d get shy whenever he’d go on pinterest just to look at your pictures, “todoroki, not that one! that one was really old,,” is what you’d say whenever he’d look at your older photos but he’d still look at them anyway 💀

at first, todoroki helped you in his own subtle way. since he’s quite the fashion icon— he’d recommend you clothes to wear for future pictures

he eventually confessed— and it was because you were talking to him while he was really tired, and he blurted out that he really, really liked you and you almost passed away because of his words

so yeah— it was a case of secretly admiring their beautiful best friend to lovers scenario

he’d go the full mile when it came to taking your pictures. he’d check the weather forecast just in case if it was going to rain for that date, and impromptu picnic photoshoot

that boyfriend that has pictures of you in his photo gallery, and has a backstory for each photo if anyone were to ask

also that boyfriend that knows how to take pictures, will probably even lay down to take them, even if you didn’t kindly ask him to

when you asked him to join the picture, he didn’t really know how to— but he made it work! and the both of you guys went viral

but this isn’t all one sided, no— whenever you guys would cuddle, shouto would simply stare at you with HEARTS in his eyes,

and even before he leans in for a kiss, he’ll stare at you with so much love in his eyes, while he traces his thumb across your cheekbones. man’s in love— you’re gorgeous.

he knows that you know that he’s not with you because of any ulterior motive, you both have mutual trust in each other— so it’s not something you guys will bother on questioning because you’re both hot asf lets be real

he’s not uncomfortable whenever people gawk at you in public— i mean, you two get stares on the regular. and how could they not stare at you? you’re very attractive, and he’s glad that people recognize that

but he’ll get protective if they’ll try to be a threat to your loving relationship with him, he won’t be afraid to be blunt

regarding the comments on each pinterest post— he hates it when people say things out of the line

always tries to hide them from you so you don’t feel bothered by them, but if you knew about them— he’ll be sad :,(

but he’ll end up mass reporting those nasty comments— and they always get taken down, because of the shouto todoroki luck

in short? man’s whipped, and the both of you guys are SO attractive together— what more if people knew about the om chemistry?

really— you being pinterest famous was just a nice plus, he fell in love with you for you

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

i'm so excited about you taking asks again ahhhh okay so. if you'd absolutely had to choose. what would be your top 5 cockles moments, and why? thank you ily <3

here’s the thing: there are so many routes i could go down with this, because cockles moments come in all shapes and sizes and formats. these include moments from their panels, their bloopers, the footage we get when they don’t even know they’re being recorded, stories being passed down from photo ops & autographs(one of my personal favorite ways to get cockles, tbh, because they’re all insane), and social media(tweets to each other, instagram posts & comments, etc.). 

SO! since many a list like this has already been made, and i want to stand out from the crowd, what i’m gonna do is definitively give the number one spot to each of these five categories.(i might even throw in honourable mentions because they’re so despicably in love that they warrant that. i really put my whole pussy into this, guys, i hope you’re happy.) 

disclaimer: these are my own personal opinions. but that also means i’m right. so. enjoy. 

number one: top cockles panel moment

so we’re starting off with a bang, because how do you even BEGIN to rank what atrocities jensen and misha commit at jibcon. every single one they’ve had is damning in it’s own right, for different reasons.

however, considering just how much unabashed fuckery they’ve given us to sift through, it’s a good thing i do have a personal favorite despite it all. it’s heartwarming, the sweetest thing i’ve ever seen, AND it’s jarringly cinematic - mainly because it has a whole ass arc to it that was years in the making. it might even be surprising to some people, but my favorite cockles panel moment, and what i consider the one that encompasses their entire gut-wrenching journey from 2008-2013 in the most sweepingly romantic gesture possible, is this one.

i want this burned into my retinas. i am not even joking. when i'm through with my explanation, let me convince you why this is thee most romantic cockles moment of all time.

first, some history: people call this the resume off, but many seem to forget the botched attempt at a resume off a year prior. and yes, you guessed it: it's during their break up. it's a juicy time period for a reason, guys. it came across as exceedingly one-sided and VERY awkward. let me refresh your memory as to just how bad it was, and just how hard jensen was trying and ultimately failing at winning misha over: the funniest part of the whole resume off in 2013??? every joke/bit had literally already been made/done. they were just going through the motions again, but the difference THIS time...is that misha reciprocated jensen's energy. it. is. fascinating. i want to get into it more detail in another post, and i'll link it here when i'm done, but the main takeaway, i think, and the main difference that showcases how much they've grown in a year, is that in jib 3, misha flat out refused to do an accent, and this time around, he indulges jensen for literal minutes. when i tell you they're crazy, they're crazy. i can't wait to actually dive into it later.

ANYWAY, the resume off culminates in this moment here. and, like, a million things happen in this gifset. actually, more like a million and one. the music starts playingneediremindyouthatthesongissingingintherain(h e l p), misha starts dancing, jensen 'perpetually fake grumpy' ackles lets misha think he's not going to join, misha sits down defeated, but no!!! that was jensen's plan all along(look at his stupid fucking smirk) and he offers his arm to his dance partner who immediately grins like a fool, jensen then leads misha into their kick step, they perfectly synchronise and let loose, and are then very clearly having the time of their lives, hanging off of each other with joy and ease. from their expressions alone i can tell that this moment is so. so. so. so! much more than what initially meets the eye. i mean-misha is fighting back the biggest smile i've ever seen. to me, it reads like jensen is offering something to misha, something that misha kind of gave up on expecting, and him offering his arm like that is like, a surprise to him in the best possible way(and it's so not platonic, let me just say that.) as soon as jensen did that, it ushered in a new era of cockles. this panel is jensen and misha's favourite for a reason, and i think this moment is the biggest clue as to why.

whew!!! ok. that took a lot out of me and that was only point one. moving on,

number two: top cockles blooper moment

cockles bloopers hold an extremely special place in my heart, because it shows just how fucking disastrous jensen and misha are. they are so goddamn infatuated with each other that they HOLD UP PRODUCTION ALL THE TIME TO FLIRT WITH EACH OTHER(???). let me repeat. let it sink in. jensen ackles; arguably one of the most professional actors on that show who puts everything he has into each scene, with mountains and mountains of notes to prove it: would rather hold up production to flirt with misha collins. this sounds fake. it's not. he does it. all. the. time. and here's the thing guys!!! i'm gonna let you in on a secret!!! misha loves it. he loveesssss it. on top of that-misha collins: overlooked because he's pranked and people assume he's unprofessional as well, but his only pranks are in retaliation/off-set, and he rarely if EVER causes problems if he can help it....lets himself get carried away when it comes to jensen making kissy faces at him!!! are you actually kidding me!!! i mean. misha. it's just a face. you've seen it a million times. i don't buy that it triggers something in you that strongly....you like it, and you like jensen's reaction. you can't fool me!!! lisa berry's face in that one gifset shows just how fed up the crew is with their gross, coupley boyfriend antics.

i could pull up so many examples. sooooooo many. but my favourite was sealed since the moment i saw it.

i actually already wrote an analysis on it but i can't find it :(((( which SUCKS because i really unpacked the whole thing. i'll try to summarise.

basically, a backstory is part of this too!!! jensen and misha both had a really really hard time with this scene(because it's explicitly romantic there i said it), they sat down for hours and poured over their scripts together, they were super super nervous going into filming, both of them, jensen especially, were super hard on themselves for their performances not being true to their characters but they both complimented the other's work(boyfriend moments fr). so, yeah. they weren't confident going into shooting. and how do they get themselves to feel better???? by cuddling each other, apparently.

a lot. a LOT. happens in this specific blooper. to the point that i saw it years before i knew about cockles and it raised all sorts of flags for me.

1) stop pulling my face towards your crotch(as a thinly veiled request that misha would, in fact, move jensen's face towards his crotch, considering it was jensen moving himself there in the first place. also, why so comfy down there guys???) 2) you're my baby daddy i know(in the most intimate voice i've ever heard please) 3) i know, i know, i love you too i didn't say i love you i know but you wanted to say it etc. misha's right, of course. that's what jensen meant.

it just reeks of comfort, familiarity and intimacy between the two, and it's a moment that is extremely sweet and silly at the same time. they're so <3

number three: top cockles found footage moment

WONDERFUL category. truly the culmination of the cockles experience. many people have said that shipping cockles doesn't work because 'they're just onstage you dummies!! they're playing it up for the audience!!!' here's the thing, love. i could not disagree with you more. once you climb your way up the cockles ladder, you soon learn that they are, in fact, playing their dynamic DOWN, not up. they really are just Like That™, and they could not care less about the paying audience, if we're being honest, considering how much time they take to giggle with each other and refuse to let the audience in on the joke. and i love them for it <3

anyway, my point is that this category is for all you naysayers out there, all you 'jensen and misha's relationship is just for show and is real life queerbaiting'(?????lordhelp???) oh yeah? ok, explain this.

he. he. he calls jensen sweetheart. literally enough said. there's nothing to really add here, except, misha and jared then immediately engage in damage control. jared's method is distraction and misha's is retconning('get out of the car, dude') this was what got me to buy into the cockles dumpster for GOOD good. you don't call your buddy sweetheart accidentally and sound so completely earnest while doing it! especially not when that buddy is jensen ackles!!! you think he would let any of his friends call him that? do you?

one more thing; if it was a slip of the tongue, little mouth thing or whatever, you think jared wouldn't have jumped on it immediately??? i can hear it now. 'did you just call him SWEETHEART???' yeah. that's what i thought. you know why he didn't? because it was too revealing.

number four: top cockles autograph moment

i mean, i think we all know what it's gonna be, and if you don't, well, do i have the piece de cockles resistance that is gonna send you over the edge.

if you haven't heard of this story by now, as a cockles, truther, i'm gonna go ahead and get you to read it, because there is no possible heterosexual explanation for any of it, and you're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

spoiler alert: it's the story where phones weren't allowed in an auto session, jensen nuzzles himself in misha's hair, leans his full body weight onto him, holds his hand, etc. etc. i'm imploding just repeating this back, actually. also, just, the sheer amount of stories from photo ops where they tackle hug each other or slap each other's asses or sing romantic songs to each other or almost kiss is, frankly, a lot. if i could wish for anything, it would be to witness them in person.

and finally,

number five: top cockles social media moment

this one is super difficult, because there's obviously a lot to choose from. but you know what? full send, i'm going with this one:

i just. what to say about this. how often do misha and jensen watch sunsets together for it to qualify as ‘always’ ??? why are sunsets synonymous with their relationship??? that’s like??? a very romantic thing????? ‘this guy’??? the fact that it’s a CANDID??? i don’t know guys.

that could have been better but i am TIRED so. there you go rose ily

[for-fucks-sake-h]

At My Weakest - one

rated: m, mature | word count: 3.2k | story page  

...tangled up in heartbeats and bite marks and body heat. 

   - butterflies rising 

When Gianna was young, she used to have elaborate daydreams of what her life would look like in the future.  Where would she live? What would she be doing? She thought about it in the way that a lot of kids wish away their youth, wanting to be independent and take care of herself, not have her parents constantly on her case telling her what to do. She worked hard through school, was a straight A student, followed the rules, graduated at the top of her class, had a good job, had her shit together.  

Seemingly, her life looked pretty good from the outside.  But that was the thing about looking from the outside in. You never truly know what goes on behind closed doors.  

She slammed the door so hard the walls shuddered, the trim cracking the tiniest bit around the framing. Fuck, she wished she could slam it harder. Take out all her aggressions and just slam it, over and over and over again.  

She didn’t though. She took off towards her car instead, the sound of her name being called a distant echo as her heart hammered in her chest. Her blood was boiling, her hand shaking as she reached for the chrome door handle so that she could lock herself inside. Her breathing was erratic, her chest rising and falling harshly as she pressed her head back against the leather headrest.  Her throat burned with emotion as her pulse beat wildly, the threat of tears ready and waiting at her lash line.  Deep breaths; one, two, three.  Not without slamming her palm down on the top steering wheel in frustration; one, two, three.  

She released one more deep exhale, her body practically sinking into the seat with it.  She couldn’t help but glance at herself in the rearview mirror, her eyes noticeably dark and soulless.  

How did she get here?  

That was the question running through her mind as she reversed out of the parking spot, as she drove down the highway, as she circled around her town in an attempt to clear her head. She wasn’t even sure how she ended up at Gemma’s, but all of a sudden she was parked outside her building.  

It only took one buzz and a soft “it’s me” into the intercom for the latch to open.   

“Hiya babe, you okay?”  The concern was written all over her friend's face, a telltale sign that Gianna looked even worse for wear than she thought.  

“Is it okay if I stay here for a bit?”  

It wasn’t even a question, Gianna knew that. She’d known Gemma nearly her whole life. They grew up across the street from each other, Gemma’s family moving for her mum’s job. One bike accident and two scraped knees when they were six made them inseparable. Their families became so close that they even started vacationing together. They all got older, but it never changed.    

Gemma nodded, not pressing the issue. “Come on, I’ll make you coffee.”  

That was all Gianna needed, just the comfort from someone who truly knew her. She thought Steve knew her. Shit, she thought she knew him too. They had plans - nothing concrete, but talked about enough that Gianna felt like the rug had been pulled out from under her. She could feel the ache of it in her chest with every breath, and it was excruciating.  

“What am I gonna do?” Gianna asked after a while, two coffees and a half a box of pound cake later.  

“I don’t think you need to figure that out just yet, babe.”  Gemma’s tone was soft, gentle - comfort was something that came naturally to her.  

“All my stuff is there. I don’t even want to look at him,” Gianna shook her head with a frown, eyes cast down to her half empty mug.  

“I’ll have Harry call him,” Gemma devised. “We’ll figure out a time for you to go over when he isn’t there for you to collect your shit.”    

A frustrated growl came from the back of Gianna’s throat as she looked up to the ceiling. “What about tomorrow? How am I supposed to tell my parents?”

Gianna desperately didn’t want to go through this.  They were not engaged, but they might have well been.  Five years was a long time to be with someone just to have things not work out. Their lives were so intertwined, her parents loved him, Gianna knew her mum was counting down until she could start wedding planning. Fuck, Gianna was ready to start wedding planning. She was ready for the next step in her life, a family of her own. She wanted it with Steve. And poof, all that was gone in the blink of an eye.  

“G,” Gemma sighed, a sympathetic look on her face. “Tell them when you’re ready. You don’t owe anything to anyone except yourself.”  

Gianna didn’t say anything else. What more could she say? She didn’t even want to acknowledge that this was her new reality. Years of being in a perfectly content bubble popped so quickly it made her head spin.  So she nodded as she toyed with the handle of her mug.  

“Come on,” Gemma nodded towards the hallway. “You wanna change into some sweats?”  

It didn’t even register that she was still dressed in her work attire, which was a feat in and of itself since she usually changed as soon as she got home. Her “home” closing in on her seemed to be enough of a distraction to the now overly prominent tightness of her skirt cinching into her waist.

So Gianna followed Gemma into her room at the end of the hall, and exhaled a sigh of relief as she unzipped the mid length silk skirt that made her feel pretty and complimented her skin tone. The sheer, black dress shirt that she had tucked into it fell away from her skin once the skirt loosened, and she was quick to tug on the joggers and exceptionally soft lavender sweater that Gemma left on her bed for her.  It smelled like vanilla and detergent, and somehow that gave Gianna just enough comfort to not stay in Gemma’s bed for the foreseeable future.  

It wasn’t until later that evening, with a pitch black sky above her and the cool September air biting at her cheeks as she sat on the rooftop that it really started to feel like everything around her was crumbling. She didn’t let herself cry until then - until she knew she was alone and could let it out without an audience.  She hated crying in front of people, and as much as she loved Gemma, she just didn’t have the energy to let herself go there. But now? Now, it was coming full force whether she wanted it or not.    

The sound of the metal storm door opening startled Gianna enough to make her jump, her sweater paw immediately going to her face to cover the tear that had just fallen.  

She peaked over her shoulder after a moment only to find Harry pouting in the doorway, seemingly deciding if he should trudge forward or not. Gianna turned away from him, back toward the city lights as she pulled the bottom of her sweater down over her knees. She wrapped her hands in the sleeves even more as the wind blew a strip of hair across her face, and let her head fall to peer down at her knees when she heard the door slam closed.

The silence was deafening as he appeared at her side, moving to sit next to her on the picnic table situated at the corner of the roof.  His ripped jean clad knee knocked against hers once he was seated on the table top, the side of his boot pressing against her socked foot where it rested on the bench seat, his palm finding its way to her shoulder blade.

Gianna leaned into him as her chin wobbled. Soothing circles were rubbed into her back, but the gesture only expedited the tear from slipping down her cheek. 

“Gems told me. ‘M sorry, love.” His voice was gentle despite the deep timbre of it vibrating near her ear as he pressed his jaw against the top of her head.  

It felt like too much time had passed before Gianna spoke up, her voice low and broken. “How do you just… fall out of love with someone?”  

Harry shook his head against her temple, his arm wrapping around her to pull her closer into his side - an attempt to shield her from the onslaught of disappointment coursing through her veins.    

“I don’t know, G.”  

She sighed heavily. “I was supposed to marry him, and he just... broke up with me. Like it was nothing.”  

“Did he say anything?”  

Gianna pulled away from Harry’s side, wiping the sleeves of her sweater under her eyes in an attempt to collect herself.  “Said he ‘couldn’t do this anymore’, whatever the fuck that means.”  

Harry released a deep breath as he shook his head in disgust. For as long as Gianna and Gemma had been friends, Gianna and Harry were friends too. They weren’t super close, not the way the girls were, but they were friends nonetheless, and he hated seeing her hurt like that.

“Makes me think he didn’t love me at all,” Gianna continued. “How did I not see that?”

“If that’s true, he fooled all of us, love.”

Gianna didn’t say anything for a bit, just looked up to the dark sky as tears burned at her lower lash line. Harry stayed quiet as he watched her with a deep crease etched between his brows.

“I feel so fucking worthless,” she whispered eventually, her voice so solemn it ripped right through him.

“Hey,” he practically called, but she didn’t look at him. “You are not worthless.” Gianna shook her head, disagreeing. “Gianna. Stop it.” Harry wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “His fucking loss. If he doesn’t know a good thing when he has it, fuck him.”  

“It’s not that simple.” Gianna leaned into his side once more, finding comfort in the way his fingers gripped her shoulder.

He hummed as he squeezed her shoulder once more. “It is. You’re too good for him anyway.”  

Gianna snorted a soft laugh as she shook her head with a gentle jab of her elbow into his side. “Easy for you to say.”    

“‘M serious. Way out of his league. In every sense.”    

Harry gave the compliment with as much ease as he would with a stranger at a bar in the hopes of taking them home at the end of the night. He was charming that way, a smug sort of confidence wafting around him without any actual effort on his part.

Gianna wasn’t sure why, or how, but the compliment gave her just enough of a boost of confidence to make her feel a bit better.  

Maybe Harry was right. Hell, maybe he was right about everything he’s been saying over the years. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in a serious relationship. He avoided the mess. He avoided the drama. For as long as Gianna had busted his chops for it, maybe he knew something she didn’t all along.  

“You look like you’re thinking too much,” Harry commented when Gianna went quiet in her thoughts.  

“No, I don’t know. Maybe you’re right.”

“Course I am,” he nodded surely. “Have I ever steered you wrong?”  

She gave him a pointed look, which simply received a chuckle in response and nothing else.  They both went quiet as they looked out over the city.  Despite it being the middle of the night, it still seemed alive with the buildings roof top lights spreading out in the distance.  

If there was one thing Gianna knew after the day she had, it was that she hated feeling the way she did. It had been a while since she felt so down on herself, let alone being let down by someone who she thought she could count on… forever.  It put a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, and she hated it.    

Harry spoke up after a while, the tone of his voice just enough of a tease to make Gianna’s skin prickle. “You know what they say, G.”  

“What’s that?” she turned to him, watching as he kept his eyes focused on the city ahead of him.  

“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”  

She held her breath without even realizing she was doing it, before slowly exhaling as she watched Harry turn ever so slowly to catch her eyes. She literally couldn’t help it, her reaction was immediate, the most subtle tingle crawling across her skin.

They teased and joked with each other plenty over the years. But somehow, in some way, Harry’s words felt different.  The way he was looking at her felt different. Like he was dying to see her reaction but refusing to give in. His eyes were dark on the dimly lit roof, but completely focused on her.  

Harry didn’t dare move, just stared back into her curious brown eyes, his mouth forming around the words faster than his brain could catch us. “Sounds to me like you just need a distraction.”  

“Are you offering?” Gianna’s response was so quick it made a shudder fall down Harry’s back.  And although Harry’s face was completely at ease, his eyes were fixated on the curve of her Cupid’s bow.  

Harry’s eyes flicked up to meet hers. “Do you want me to be?”

That was enough to have Gianna’s body lean in on its own accord, her mouth catching his in a slow lingering kiss.

He tasted like the faintest bit of tequila and whatever his choice of spearmint gum was that evening, and it was intoxicating. His lips were soft but reacted immediately, suctioning to her bottom lip in an attempt to keep her there.

Just as quickly as it happened, Gianna was pulling away, the sound of their lips parting reverberating off of thin air.

She closed her eyes and turned back towards the city. “I’m sorry I don’t know what—”

But just as quickly, Harry’s hand reached for her jaw to pull her back to him, immediately interrupting her apology in favor of slanting their lips together once more.

This time, his fingers gently cupped her jaw as his mouth reeled her in further. It was like a knee jerk reaction, or when you haven’t had your favorite chocolate for a while and then can’t get enough of it.

He couldn’t get enough of her.

Gianna’s hand gripped his wrist, her mouth melting into his, head fuzzy and buzzing. And when Harry’s tongue teased, she found her own mouth opening more to let him in.

God, she welcomed him in, her tongue smoothing over his in a way that pulled the most toe curling chill up her spine. The kind that makes your skin erupt in goosebumps and your belly twist with something; need, desire, lust. Whatever it was, it had Gianna’s cheeks warming and her back arching closer to Harry.

And Harry, he was so far gone he felt like his head might explode. She was so warm, and she curved into him perfectly when he wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her closer, fingers still clenched softly at her neck to keep her still. The softness of her breasts against his chest was enough to light a fire in his stomach, desperate to be as close to her as physically possible. The flesh of her hip was pliant under his palm, fingers digging into her skin, subconsciously not wanting her to slip away. But maybe not so subconsciously after all.

His lips smoothed down her chin and across her jaw, nipping softly as a breathy moan slipped past Gianna’s lips. The sound had Harry sucking eagerly into the warm skin of her neck, kiss after sucking kiss being planted upon her soft skin. He could feel her pulse thrumming against his mouth, his own heart beat matching methodically.

“God, what are we doing?” Gianna whispered up into the open sky as her hands squeezed his shoulders.

Harry pulled away from her neck just then to check her face. “Do you wanna stop?”

“No,” she breathed, her mouth finding his waiting lips with a hum.

He kissed her hard, his mouth so insistent on sucking and pulling on her lips that Gianna felt like he was taking her breath with him. His mouth was soft exactly the way it should be, but strong all in the same. Demanding, urgent, salacious. Kissing him was almost too enjoyable.

Gianna’s hand smoothed down the strong expanse of Harry’s shoulder, nails scratching against the hard muscle beneath the soft skin of his bicep. The goosebumps there could have been attributed to the cool evening air, but Gianna knew better.

Especially when her fingers trailed the rest of the way down his side and across the top of his thigh, her palm resting on the center seam of his jeans.

Her eyes were closed despite her head tilting down, pulling her lips from his as their foreheads met softly.

“You’re hard.”  Her words were just above a whisper. It was obvious, but she couldn’t help commenting on it. She could feel the firmness of his cock beneath his jeans, hot and full against her palm.

“You made me hard,” he leaned in to kiss her cheek gently. “You’re so fucking sexy. And beautiful. Y’smell like heaven. Fuck.” His words traveled down her neck, his mouth finding the edge of her sweater to suck a new kiss on a new piece of skin. He wanted to uncover every piece of skin to leave traces of his mouth on.

“It’s my perfume.” Gianna’s rebuttal was soft as she tilted her head back to grant him more space; more skin for him to suck tiny kisses into.

She palmed him over his jeans, the twitch of his hard length making her swallow thickly with desire.

“Think it’s just you,” Harry commented wistfully.

Gianna’s fingers toyed with the button of his jeans, his zipper lowering ever so slowly as Harry’s tongue smoothed over her skin before sucking gently.

“Is this okay?” she asked softly as her hand smoothed into his snug jeans, feeling the hardness of his length over his briefs.

His head tilted back with a soft moan while his fingers squeezed her waist tighter, as if her gentle touch was too much for him.

“You tell me,” he breathed as his cock twitched against her palm, his body begging for more from her. “Are you okay?”

That was the age old question, wasn’t it? Was she okay?

Gianna wasn’t sure. She knew she would be, eventually at least. But in that moment, all she knew was that Harry made her... feel. For as long as she’d been numb, he was making her feel alive in that moment. And he made her forget, and that was what she wanted.

“We don’t have to—” Harry began, but was quickly cut off by Gianna pushing forward to press her lips to his jaw, her tongue smooth out over the sharp indent before her lips sucked softly.

His moan was addictive. The firmness of his length was impressive to say the least. His hands felt like molten lava where he gripped her waist. And Gianna’s skin burned with intrigue.

“Let’s go to your room.”

A/N: Ha! Can you believe we’re doing this again??? After I said no more series for a while?? Well, here we are... I really hope you liked it! Lots of people to thank for helping me get my ass in gear - so huge thank you to @oh-honey-styles @andwhenshesays @real-work-of-art​ @harrytheehottie​ @all-things-fic​ @haute-romance-quotidienne​ for all the hand holding and support and hyping and encouragement and just being overall wonderful humans... you guys have my heart, seriously. And if you’ve read this far - thank you! I would love to hear your thoughts! Lots more to come xx 

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[memes-saved-me]

lmao like all the harringrove fics are just gonna disappear when it's not at the top anymore. I love Harringrove and Steddie and honestly cannot wait for Steddie to slow down because it's so bloated right now and I kinda regret throwing myself in off the bat. I've always had more fun in fandoms/ships that are a year or two old, people who have got their little serotonin boost have left and then the serious fans come in and dish out the most delicious fics, the real shit you can sink your teeth in to. I've read a LOT of meh Steddie fics but every Harringrove one I've read has been so well thought out and aching in the best way and grounded in reality. Years of sitting with a character does wonders imo. Honestly hope by Xmas shit is done so I can read the good stuff.

(also for Steddie, Eddie tops from the bottom, I will fist fight anyone who disagrees with me)

Sorry if this ends up in the tags!

I do feel bad for genuine fans who just want to create and enjoy fics and content without it being rushed or made out of spite towards people who really don't care lol. I've ran into a few st*ddie fans who are lovely and even ask permission to ship harringrove, which yes of course you can! I hope the whole ST fandom goes back to being stagnant around Christmas because since S4 aired it has been hell on pretty much every social media site. I think people will also get bored of Eddie or at least not be obsessed to the degree they currently are. We can hope anyway lmao