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whatislovevavy · 1 year ago

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8. What Am I Supposed to Do Now?

Jake Seresin x OC (Caledonia Hughes)

WC: 2.8k

Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

Warnings: swearing, mentions of smut (18+), mostly angst

AN: This one’s angsty y’all, not gonna lie. And a bit shorter than the others, but fear not, the next one will be longer :) Thank you @sebsxphia for the encouragement to write this story when it was in development, it means the world <3 Also a big thank you to @royallyprincesslilly for the design of the divider.

Please consider leaving a comment, a tip, or reblogging, leaving likes doesn't do anything on this hellsite. It helps with motivation when writing and the tips help since I’m between jobs at the moment :)

All of my writings will be added to my writing side blog @sophs-writing-nook

These characters, except for Caledonia and Ella, are obviously not my own. This is an 18+ fanfic, so minors scoot pls. You are responsible for the media you consume. Do not copy, plagiarize, repost, or translate this fic without my explicit permission as it is my own creation.

Jake pensively hit the backspace button on his phone's touch pad.

He knew at the back of his mind that he should be telling you this in person.

The swing of the break room door broke him from his stare at his screen.

"Anyways, we're going on a date next Saturday to the aquarium in the city," Bradley said with a small lopsided smirk as he walked in with Natasha and Javy.

"What's this I hear about Rooster finally getting a woman to go out with him?"

Rooster flipped Jake off as he got his lunch from the fridge, making Natasha let out a small laugh, and Javy quirk his lip.

"So what's her name, how'd you meet her?"

Bradley closed the fridge with a click, striding towards the table Jake was settled at.

"Her name's Ella, she's a grad student at UC San Diego. Met her at that coffee place you recommended last week, got her number, and have been texting since."

He flashed Jake a grin.

Jake furrowed his brows, a soft hum leaving his lips.

It couldn't have been your Ella, could it? UC San Diego was a big school, there was definitely more than one Ella there.

Soon Javy and Phoenix joined them at the table.

"What?"

Rooster broke him from his deep in thought glance as he softly stirred the left over beef stew.

But at this point, he couldn’t stomach the previously delicious stew you made for him. It only served as a reminder of what he was about to do, and for what he didn’t have the courage to do.

"Nothing, Caledonia has a friend in her grad program named Ella."

Bradley’s lip quirked.

“Cali is biochem, right?”

Jake nodded.

A soft hum left Bradley’s lips, “Yeah, that might be the same one. So, noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with her lately, what's the deal?”

Jake felt his heart freeze.

He shrugged, nonchalantly, trying to exude that same Hangman confidence and bravado.

“Nothing too serious, just helped out with a few things Penny asked me to do for her.”

Natasha almost bent her fork in her hand as his words registered.

Did he not know how much he meant to her?

Jake could feel her piercing stare, but chose to keep his attention on Bradshaw.

Javy’s gaze was more marked with the subtle signs of pity as he worked his way through his wrap.

Jake couldn’t decide which one felt worse.

Rooster took a bite of his lunch, “ya know, I’ve been meaning to ask, why do you call her by her full name?”

Was it getting hot in here? He wouldn’t be surprised if the answer was yes, considering the time of year.

If Javy hadn’t known him all these years, he would have missed the flash of panic behind the thick curtain of confidence that was slowly becoming a thin veil.

He shrugged, “I was always taught to treat women that give me booze with the utmost respect, hence the full name.”

Bradshaw nodded, letting his eyebrows raise, “But what about Penny? You call her Pen all the time.”

Natasha smirked slightly around her forkful of lunch.

Jake swallowed, “Well, that’s different… I’ve known Penny for a lot longer than Caledonia.”

Rooster leaned back, furrowing his brow, and biting the inside of his cheek.

“Ok, but why did you leave the Hard Deck with her last week?”

Jake took a deep breath, “She needed help with her car before she headed home. I was at the bartop paying my tab and Penny asked me to help her. What is this anyway? An interrogation? You gonna ask me about every woman I’ve talked to?”

Bradshaw smirked, “Just curious, Bagman, no need to get defensive,” he put his hands up in surrender, thoroughly enjoying seeing his former rival riled up.

Javy bit back a smile.

"Yeah, Bagman, don't need to get your panties in a bunch."

Natasha smirked as Jake shot her daggers.

"If I were wearing panties, they would be the most unbunched pair you'd ever seen."

Jake grumbled, sending a glare to his teammates as they laughed and snorted.

“Plus, it’s not that way with her. We’re just friends.”

Jake took a spoonful of stew, purposefully avoiding his colleagues unimpressed glances.

“Right.”

Jake glared as Phoenix took a bite of her sandwich.

“Alright, I think that’s enough teasing. Can’t waste all our material in one day.”

Javy shot him a wink as Jake flipped him off, his remaining colleagues breaking into soft chuckles.

The topic was diverted to the back burner for the time being, to the point where Jake forgot about the text he planned to send.

Conversation flowed from when the new recruits were coming in, to summer plans, and to different get togethers on weekends planned within their friend group.

A small sense of panic ran through him as Phoenix suggested that Caledonia be invited to all of their summer plans. Including their Barbenheimer-themed pool and BBQ party in July.

He guaranteed Caledonia wouldn’t want to come if he was there after the message he was typing out was sent.

Soon it was time to wrap up and head back out to the briefing room and get ready to fly in the latter portion of the day.

Jake took one last pensive glance at his phone.

This is better. For the both of us.

Jaw tensing, he pressed send.

He cleaned up the rest of his lunch and left the breakroom in a silence coated by the soft buzzing of the overhead lights and the impending crack of broken hearts.

—

A sigh left your lips.

How could you have been so stupid?

You should have read the label more clearly before measuring it out.

Your mind swam with detrimental thoughts of the days failed experiment.

The cells you spent the previous day growing were wasted when you accidentally put too strong of a solvent after the cells were centrifuged.

It also didn’t help that Ella was away presenting at a conference at the other side of the country.

Frankly, you just wanted to go home, take a nice shower, nestle into your sheets, and forget about the frustrating day you got out of.

A sigh left your lips as you settled into the drivers seat of your car, feeling your frustration dissipate from your body, and be quickly filled with exhaustion.

You bit the inside of your lip as you waited for your phone to turn on and see any messages you missed.

The thought of texting Jake to see if he wanted to come over crossed your mind.

A small smile formed at the thought.

Message from well-fed raccoon :) not downloaded.

You opened the app, tapping on his contact icon.

Your brows furrowed, heart plummeting to the deepest parts of your chest.

We shouldn't do this arrangement anymore. I'm sorry.

You couldn't help but read over the two sentences. Over and over again. Hoping, praying, that they would be something different.

A rattled sigh left your lips, letting your eyes clench shut, and head hit your seat.

Tears pricked your eyes. A dribble quickly turning into a torrential downpour.

Soon, your car was wracked with the repeated, frenzied collisions of your head against the upholstery of your driver's seat.

You stopped with one final hit of your head against the faux leather portion of the head rest, feeling your scowl morph into a groan ridden scowl.

Why the fuck did this have to happen?

What was wrong with you?

Not only did you have to worry about attracting someone, but now you had to worry about keeping them.

Was it your weight?

Your busy schedule?

Did he find out about your depression? Anxiety?

You did your damndest to ensure that Jake knew nothing of that part of you.

Your lip quivered as you broke into a sob marked by wails and sniffles, no different from that of a wounded animal.

God, you couldn’t help but feel that this was coming.

This arrangement; it was all too good to be true.

You scoffed through your tears.

You shouldn’t have been so stupid.

He was called Hangman for a reason.

Your virginity. Your very first experiences with sex.

Your eyes shut as you realized the gravitas of this risk, only sobbing harder.

What if he had only wanted you because you’d never been with anyone else?

This was absolutely devastating.

The world was crashing down around you. You couldn’t breathe with how hard you had started crying, unable to help the feeling of violation that invaded your veins like a poison, turning your blood to a thick sludge, making your heart beat like an engine in overdrive to compensate.

In your blurry eyed, emotionally compromised state, you only wanted to hear one voice.

Penny’s.

She’d understand.

You didn’t want to explain to your mom that you developed a ‘situationship’ with a deadly man and that it bit you in the ass. Hard.

The familiar rumble of the engine filled your car. You swiped away at the continuously flowing tears and mustered enough energy and a sliver of mental clarity to get home safe.

—

“Hey, Cali, how was-”

Penny’s word died on her lips.

The sunny San Diego weather backdropped your teary, red eyes and cheeks, curled lips, and tears streaming down your pretty face.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she strode towards you, encasing you in a hug as you reached out to her, “what’s wrong?”

You sniffled, burying your face into her sweater-clad shoulder.

“Sweetheart, I can’t hear you.”

You lifted your head from her chest.

“Jake doesn’t want me anymore.”

Penny’s heart broke at the sight, gently pulling you back to her, wrapping you in her embrace as sobs wracked your body.

Her heart continued to crack for you with each sob and gasp you let out, gently running her hand through your hair.

You tried not to think about how Jake would do the same thing when he kissed you.

He used to bring you so much joy, but now you felt hypersensitive to even the thought of Hangman.

Touching you.

Speaking to you.

Looking at you.

How he cuddled with you when you slept over that one night.

How he made breakfast with you the next morning.

How he knew your favorite flavor of gelato from Francisco’s.

How he bought you $300 worth of sex toys.

Was this all some kind of sick game to him?

It made your breathing difficult and skin crawl.

How could you have let someone in so close, and know every inch of your body?

“Shhh, Caledonia, it’s ok… let it out.”

Penny knew that Hangman had a reputation. Anyone who frequented the Hard Deck knew that.

But she saw the way he looked at Caledonia when she was busy preparing drinks. Or when she was fixing the juke box. Or wiping down tables.

Penny’s hope for the relationship to succeed was overshadowed by the bubbling sense of anger in her belly.

How could Hangman do such a thing to you?

What was your situation with him exactly?

She continued to soothe you.

“Cali, I’m so sorry… would you want me to call Ella to come over?”

You shook your head, “Ella’s at a conference, and I don’t want to make her worried,” the lump in your throat evident with each break from sniffling.

Penny’s eyebrows furrowed.

You didn’t tell your bestfriend, because you didn’t want to worry her?

Hangman was such an asshole for letting you go.

To both himself, and you.

“Ok, I’m going to call Halo and Phoenix and see if they can come over. Ok? Would that help?”

You nodded, lip quivering as another round of sobs made your body crumple against hers.

“What am I," sniffle, "supposed to do now?”

Your sob-ridened words made Penny’s heart ache as she watched the bright, beautiful, smart girl she knew be deduced to a sobbing mess.

If she could help it, Hangman wouldn’t be allowed to step foot into her bar without being overboarded.

So she did the next best thing; holding you in her open doorway as you sobbed into her knitted top.

“It’s ok, sweetheart…shhh… it's going to be ok.”

That only made you cry harder.

—

Jake’s front door opened with a click, taking his shoes off with a soft thud, not bothering to arrange them on the floor with the rest.

He went through the motions of preparing dinner; the last remaining portion of the beef stew you made him.

His jaw tensed at the sight of the transparent hazel and oak bark brown stew staining the sides of the plastic container on the counter.

How was it so easy for something to go from warming the deepest darkest parts of his soul to being the equivalent of lead, coating his insides and making it hard to breathe?

Shouldn’t I be relieved?

Just as he suspected, the stew didn’t bring him the sense of comfort it did only a mere few days ago.

He sighed, languidly twisting and turning his spoon in the stew, moving the typically delectable sauteed mushrooms and tender beef around.

Now they just made his stomach churn.

Maybe it wasn’t ever the stew itself that was warm and comforting.

Maybe it was the fact that you were the one who made it.

You.

He continued to absentmindlessly stir, the familiar jingle of keys near the front door meeting his ears.

“You’re home late.”

Jake’s seemingly dulled down tone made Javy furrow his eyebrows as he continued to undo his shoes.

“Picked up something for Delilah.”

Jake only gave a small hum.

“Everything alright?”

Jake took a deep exhale, avoiding his wingman’s gaze.

“Yeah,” he coughed,” yeah, I’m fine just tired.”

Javy stared as he trudged towards the stairs, his bowl of half finished left on the table.

His all too familiar air of confidence was elsewhere.

As Javy heard Jake’s door shut, his phone buzzed.

Phoenix: We need to talk. Can you meet at the Hard Deck tomorrow?

—

Jake couldn’t take his eyes off the ceiling as he laid on his bed.

He should feel relieved.

Relationships were never his strong suit, meaning he avoided them like the plague.

He’d done it once, and never again.

It was too…painful. Heart wrenching. Traumatizing.

One-night stands were easier. Always easier.

This arrangement was supposed to be just that.

He’d help you out, teach you the ropes and then wish you luck on your future relationships.

That was it.

He was supposed to move on with his day without seeing things in his everyday life and not think about you.

Not think, “Caledonia would love this”, or “ This would make her smile.”

You weren’t supposed to have an infectious smile, or a laugh that made him wish for glimpses of a future together, or be able to moan and whine so prettily that he would drown in if he could.

Your lips weren’t supposed to be soft. Or sweet. Or pretty.

Hell, you weren’t supposed to look as beautiful as you did in that velvet dress at Admiral Cain’s retirement ball. Or as you walked towards him in his booth at Fransisco’s. Or as you opened the door when he was supposed to teach you how to give a blowjob. Or as you stood before him in front of the mirror in the dressing room of Pleasures of the 3rd Kind.

Or when he first saw your body without the hindrance of clothes.

But the state of dress, or undress, didn’t change how he saw you.

It was all you.

You.

He could feel his heart beat faster and cheeks heat as reminisced on his moments with you.

But those moments seemed to dwarf in comparison to his moments with you outside of your lessons together.

Getting gelato together.

Playing cards with Amelia.

Making up a story to get a 15% discount on sex toys.

Slow dancing with you.

Feeling your lips on his cheek.

Your soft, tender kisses.

Your warm, safe, secure hugs.

Your infectious, warm laugh that made his chest explode with warmth.

How you cared for him so effortlessly.

The fact you took time out of your busy schedule to care of him when he was sick.

He hadn’t been taken care of like that since he left home.

Those moments made him feel some sliver of deservance of your affections. Of your devoted, unconditional love.

He wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

He was supposed to be able to move on with his life, like with every one-night stand he’d been with before.

Say goodbye to you after he ‘hit and split,” and never think about you again.

Or to never feel the need to think about you again.

It should have been a relief, cutting off this arrangement with you.

But it wasn’t.

And he’d have to live with that.

The fact he was stupid enough, scared enough, and selfish enough to let you go.

To not tell you what he needed to tell you.

Jake could feel his ill placed relief morph into a deep rooted sadness in his empty chest.

Like a spoon scrapping the inside of a pomegranate until there was nothing but rind.

A rattled sigh left his lips, feeling a lump in his throat begin to settle.

What am I supposed to do now?

Taglist:

@marvel-hotchner @nemesis729 @a-lil-bit-nuts @justagirllivinginaghibliworld @mizzzpink @themusingofagothicsoul @mayhemmanaged @sebsxphia @potato-girl99981 @a-beaverhausen @withahappyrefrain @hangmans-wingman @callmemana @joalslibrary @peachiicherries @mrsjaderogers @entertainmentgal8@jkbindigo11 @princess76179 @clancycucumber230 @teacupsandtopgun

@chaoticassidy @superskittles @cherrycola27 @nancyxsorbet @h-ngm-ns @emma8895eb @djs8891 @novastories @urmom-999 @taytaylala12 @zombicupcake3 @catsficrecs @abaker74 @kmc1989 @hangmanshoney @caidi-paris @i-wanna-be-your-muse @shara-ne @memeorydotcom

#jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #learning from the best #jake seresin smut #tgm #glen powell #top gun maverick #hangman smut #tgm x reader #tgm fanfiction #tgm fic #jake seresin x oc #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin fic

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thetriumphantpanda · 9 months ago

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hi charlie!

to say the vibes have been off lately would be an understatement, wouldn’t it? because there has been a lot of negativity, too much for a place that is supposed to be about finding an outlet for your creativity and people to share your interests.

i know it has been difficult, draining to be around here and face all the discourse cankering the fandom.

because of all this negativity, i believe it is important to try and balance it out with some kindness. so here i am, doing a little check-up on you <3

so first, how are you, really?

everything you feel regarding what is happening is valid and you deserve to feel happy and safe around here. so please, make sure you take the time you need from posting, from sharing fics, even just from being on the platform. i want you to know it’s okay and i support whatever you decide, for whatever reason.

i also want you to know that you have your place here, as much as the rest of us. you’re loved and wanted and i can assure you the fandom is a far better place with you in it.

i hope you’re taking care of yourself outside of tumblr as well. please remember to stay hydrated and to eat something 🫶🏼

now i would like you to sit back and enjoy the perfect, quiet night in with joel <3

do not hesitate to reach out if you need to talk, i’m here for you! sending you all my love and so many hugs 🫂

anna 💗

Ahhh Anna, this is so sweet of you - thank you for taking the time to try and combat so much of the negativity on here by spreading some love - it's so important!

I have had so many thoughts about what's been going on lately, some of which I'll share here, but I'll put under a read-more so if you're not wanting to read discourse, you don't have to!

I'm going to go and enjoy my quiet night in with Joel, because that would absolutely fix me right now and thank you for sharing that with me. He's making me a cup of tea right now and is going to bring it to me, we'll watch TV and I will continue crocheting a blanket for us to snuggle up under!

Take care of yourself Anna, and thank you for always being kind and wonderful on here!

If you've been around here a while, you'll know that I rarely, if ever, get involved and wade into the discourse that floats around often. It's not because I don't care, it's because this blog has, and always will be, my way to escape the pressure of my real life. I have enough personal drama to contend with outside of the internet, and I very rarely want to allow it to bleed into the one space I have where I can escape for some peace.

That being said, it has become harder and harder for me to ignore the absolute storm of shit that has been swirling these past weeks. My friends and mutuals having their works blatantly stolen and then receiving hate when calling this out. People I look up to and whose writing I enjoy being attacked for presenting certain kinks. The insane rise in anon hate being spouted not just here, but across other sites as well. It's all too much and it all has to stop.

The people on this site create fic because they enjoy it. They graciously and selflessly write thousands of words for your enjoyment, for free might I add, without asking for very much in return. They write often around full-time jobs, school work and through personal and health issues. They agonise over making sure their work is as good as they can make it. They don't owe you anything, we don't owe you anything. We do this because we enjoy it, but the current climate on this absolute hellsite is making the enjoyment really fucking hard to find these days.

Be kind to each other. Stop hiding behind the cloak of anonymity to spew hate and be mean. Stop stealing other people's work. If you come across a fic that has warnings or themes that aren't your cup of tea, stop reading and walk away. Take a step back and think about what will happen if writers are continuously driven off this site.

#panda answers #tw discourse

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neuroticbookworm · 1 year ago

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Current Tag Game

Tagged by my dear friends/mutuals/incoherent scream sesh partners @twig-tea (here), @colourme-feral (here), @blmpff (here), @telomeke (here) and @waitmyturtles (here)

Current Time: nearly 5:00 PM

Current activity: Doomscrolling on social media (not recommended), writing this post (highly recommended, please interact on Tumblr, that's what makes this hellsite fun!)

Currently thinking about: Just watched the IFYLITA finale this morning with my bestie @lurkingshan, so my brain is currently ??????-ing all the different iterations of Yai we got to see (I like that Commander Yai looks more self-assured and confident than our widdle-20-something-lost-and-confused-baby Yai, but, DEAR LORD, The Mustache has to go. Just.. nope. Get that man a razor, STAT). Oh, and also, thinking about dinner.

Current favourite song: I recently watched Utsukushii Kare / My Beautiful Man (Season 1) a few days ago and I have the song from the opening credits stuck in my head on repeat: Caramel / カラメル by Mosawo / もさを。(Original MV with English captions)

(I'm also gonna link the Utsukushii Kare Lyric MV from MBS because I want Kiyoi's pretty face on my post)

youtube

I've also been feeling nostalgic lately and listening to some decade-old bangers from my teen years (ah time, thou art a cruel wench)

Patakha Guddi lyrics, translated from Hindi, here

Mogathirai lyrics, translated from Tamil, here

Currently reading: Nothin' but meta posts from the lovely big-brained folks of Tumblrville

Currently watching: Oooooh. I actually wrapped up a lot of live watches and caught up on some incredible shows last week, so lemme do 3 mini-lists:

Recently Watched: Only Friends, Utsukushii Kare / My Beautiful Man, If It's With You / Kimi to Nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo, I Feel You Linger In The Air

Currently Watching: Midnight Diner / Shinya Shokudo, endless reruns of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Community

Next-Up on the Watchlist: I Cannot Reach You / Kimi ni wa Todokanai, Shadow, Dark Blue Kiss, Middleman's Love, Last Twilight, Playboyy, The Whisperer

Current favourite character: Ryuji from If It's With You.

< mild spoilers ahead for If It's With You >

This show did an incredible job portraying two people who have different levels/intensities of desire for one another and I was *floored* when Ryuji responded to Amane's confession in episode 4 with so much care, thoughtfulness and respect for both Amane's desire and his own boundaries. "Please make it one sided for a while" will live in my head rent free for the foreseeable future.

And Amane and Ryuji's conversation at the beach in the finale was another heartfelt and expertly written moment. I deeply adore how Ryuji basically went "I miss you and want to meet you whenever I feel like it, and if that means being a lover, then so be it. Let's date".

So yeah, I'm in love with this highly articulate, fictional, Japanese teenage boy

Current WIP: Ohhhhh man, SO MANY. The most pressing one is a retrospective meta on the Only Friends finale, which I must release into the wild before people move on from the show

Tags: I'm epically late to this one, so I might tag folks who have already done this, so if I do, apologies, friends!

@bengiyo, @italianpersonwithashippersheart, @sunshinechay, @syrena-del-mar, @ranchthoughts, @troubled-mind, @sorry-bonebag, @so-much-yet-to-learn and anyone else who wants to participate. No presh!

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benoitblanc · 8 months ago

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hey arwen, long time no see!! hope you're doing well! 💜

i know nothing about txf besides what i've gleaned from this hellsite which is a) mulder is a lovable idiot, b) scully both loves him (almost against her will??), and c) they literally invented shipping BUT tell me about your top 5 txf episodes!!!

hi mitali i have been EXTREMELY patchy on here lately haven't i lol. local woman appears on tumblr to write ten meta posts about the x files and then disappears again! i'm doing okay; my real life has been kind of chaotic (had to last-minute cancel a trip i have been desperate to go on for years so :/ but! on the bright side it means i get to see my flatmates sooner than i thought and i miss them even though i've been gone from my flat for like a week and a half lol). how have you been???

those are very accurate txf vibes but i will say that scully is a very active and willing participant in being in love with mulder even though he can be very very stupid at times lol. i hope you watch it someday- i think it would be right up your alley! kind of similar doctor who ecological niche of being weird, heartfelt, politically relevant sci-fi with no consistent quality or tone.

ANYWAY. top 5 txf episodes, bearing in mind that i've technically only watched up until the end of the fourth season so far; i'm just a ho for spoilers:

pusher (3.17)... what can i say about pusher that i haven't said already. a lot, probably, because every single day i log on here and i see someone's written new meta about pusher that makes the entire show make more sense. it's just... it's txf distilled to its barest elements. it's about trust and codependency and a supernatural force that is made all the more unsettling by the fact that at its core it is just some guy. it's funny and terrifying and heartfelt all at once. the russian roulette scene changed television

clyde bruckman's final repose (3.04) is also just so txf. darin morgan (the writer) tended to write episodes that were so absurdist they wrapped back around to satirical, but this is far and away my favorite of his because it's not too bonkers. i love coprophages and from outer space especially, but clyde bruckman is a little more grounded, and it manages to be sarcastic and sincere in equal measure. and i love when scully gets to solve the mystery

irresistible (2.13), which is famous for being pretty much the only txf episode where there isn't actually an x-file. and it's SO fucked up. it is hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire sh- well. besides the episode that they banned from reruns for like a decade for being so fucked up, it's hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire show

beyond the sea (1.13) and paper hearts (4.10) are thematic sisters so i'm keeping them together. they're both about choosing to move past grief instead of wallowing in it and choosing the future over the past. so what if a criminal says they can give you the answers you've spent your whole life chasing? what matters is that you're at your partner's hospital bedside when he wakes up from an injury, or that you save a little girl's life

right now? probably ice (1.08), because i just rewatched it with my flatmate (who is going through s1 for the first time and is almost as obsessed as i am). it's like if midnight doctor who and the thing had a baby. normally i think this slot would go to duane barry/ascension/one breath (2.05/2.06/2.08) or nisei/731 (3.09/3.10), which are the tightest, tensest episodes relating to the show's overarching mythology

honorable mention goes to elegy (4.22) because the a-plot is a very 90s depiction of neurodivergence and it's not the best-handled thing i've ever seen, but the character showcase of scully in the b-plot gave me fucking brain worms. i cannot stop thinking about it. it's haunting.

also, memento mori (4.14). vince gilligan and gillian anderson you're splitting my therapy bill

ask my top 5/10 anything!!!

#THAT WAS A RAMBLE AND A HALF #anyway as i move forward i think redux ii monday triangle and probably bad blood will be battling it out for some of these slots #but i'm not officially there yet!#thanks so much for asking!!!#answered #*mutuals #*mitali #the x files

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wavesoutbeingtossed · 23 days ago

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I'm torn here - I love discussion, I don't want to insulate myself from interesting, nuanced discussion. On the other hand, a takeaway I've had in life lately is sometimes you just have to let it go. You can't change it. You just have to move on. And the constant heavy discussion can be a lot to read and absorb. She also has the unique situation of being a prolific writer, deeply relatable, near universal womanhood experiences and also, because the nature of her image, I don't always want to discuss her how I would an author, especially an author who is long gone. Idk if this makes any sense, I enjoy following you, but I sometimes feel myself getting bogged down by the very discussions I also enjoy.

I understand that, I really do, but I think it's also natural for topics to come up and to respond to them, like you would in conversation with friends in real life. Sometimes you don't talk about things for weeks or months and then your friend says something and it sparks a whole discussion, and I think that's the same way it works on platforms like this. And again with the utmost respect and kindness and gratitude, I think there's a difference between what gets discussed on a platform like, say, tumblr, where the blogging DNA lends itself to longer, more thoughtful and often collaborative discussion, and what may happen on other platforms that are more "soundbite"-y. (I don't know, tumblr is the only social media I use, but I know twitter is a cesspool in general and primed for ragebait for engagement, unlike this hellsite held together by duct tape and spite and cupcakes.)

And I'm the first to admit, I don't delve like this at all into any other musician or author or artist for the most part. The closest analog I can think of are the TV shows I used to love before they were dead to me. But I also think part of that is again, Taylor is uniquely prolific in this day and age so there is so much art to digest, and she's been uniquely honest in sharing her experiences in the past that many of her contemporaries hadn't in the same way, so yes, it drove the whole parasocialism thing to an extent. I personally don't see this as an inability to let go; the conversations I've seen here are mostly thoughtful, nuanced and often borne out of people's own personal experiences as well, and I think there's a difference between jumping into a quasi-literary analysis of her work and like, harassing the "players" involved. (The latter would absolutely be an inability to let go, but luckily I don't see any of that in my little corner here, and I would hope that's an outlier experience.) There's nothing to let go for any of us because it wasn't our "thing" in the first place, and only belonged to the people involved. I think what most of us relate to are the feelings and what that makes us think about our own experience with them. Taylor has written something like over 300 songs, so it feels pretty normal to listen to something you maybe haven't heard in awhile (again, because there are so many) and be like, huh, this kind of jumps back into this other theme we've been talking about lately.

And another thing I'm going to say again with the utmost respect and kindness, and this is not directed at you but at the internet at large (lol) is that: at the end of the day, these are all our own blogs, our own spaces to share what we personally find interesting to talk about. My blog is not a discussion board for all to contribute in equal weight; it's a place for me to engage with content I enjoy with people I enjoy, both personally and from afar, and I sincerely hope everyone else is able to do the same on their own blogs. No blogger here should feel like they have to cater to anyone else but their own interests and enjoyment, the only thing that matters is to do so respectfully towards others and the art with which we interact. (Maybe that's why I'm not an ask blog and occupy a tiny unknown space here lol. Which to be clear is just fine with me.) Sometimes there are great conversations going on the dash and I like to jump in with my own thoughts, other times I'm not interested or don't have the brain space for it and skip. It's whatever you're in the mood for on a given day.

Which again is where curating your experience comes in, whether that's following/unfollowing, filtering, etc. I know I'm guilty of poorly tagging my shit because tumblr is terrible at it in general, but keywords are easy for me to filter at least, and then I can choose if I want to engage or not. (At least, that's how I have my dash curated. There are some topics I just don't care for, so I've filtered the words, and if once in awhile I see a filtered post and I think, hmm, maybe I'm OK with that today, I'll click on it to see what's going on.) Or, I can simply scroll past, too. I'm not at all saying this to be condescending, I'm just saying what works for me personally so I can protect my own peace and navigate what I do and don't want to talk about at a given time, if that's at all helpful to anyone else. At the end of the day, you as a reader don't owe anyone your eyeballs or real estate in your head, so you don't owe it to anyone to keep up with their blogs if they aren't enjoyable to you at that time. If there were a consistent or better way to tag these topics then maybe I could help others in that way, but I don't know that there is. (I can't even keep tags consistent on my own blog in spite of how I tried at first.)

I get that these are heavy topics and heavy times and are not things everyone wants to see. Hell, there are times *I* don't want to see them either. Which again, is where options come in-- not going on tumblr (or whatever platform) to begin with if I am not up for it, using the tools available (e.g. filtering), unfollowing (tbh have never had to do that in the year and a half I've been in the Swiftie tumblr fandom, where everyone here has been lovely, but I have in the past in other fandoms), or disengaging and cooling off. I'm not saying everyone needs to do this, but again just saying what works for me, and why my dash is mostly a pleasant experience that I can tailor to how I'm feeling during different periods of my life.

I hope I haven't caused you grief anon! And if I have, that you're able to find a corner of the fandom that gives you respite from the heaviness and is more in line with the things you find pleasure in if it's not this. Tbh now that Eras is over (and thus surprise songs are no longer driving some of these conversations) and it seems like Taylor is going into a quieter season to rest and recuperate and create, I imagine most of these discussions are going to taper off in the new year anyway, so it will naturally dissipate and move on as we all find new things to fill our time.

(This is why I hesitated to add my thoughts in the first place, and why I won't be adding more to the discussion.)

#Pouring out my heart to a stranger but I didn't pour the whiskey #Anonymous #and that is all i have to say on that #long post #also no word of a lie the option to have the dash cut long posts helps a lot too -- because sometimes I just don't have the stamina #to read long things so I can choose whether or not to click expand and read the whole thing #which I know is rich coming from someone like me who writes long winded paragraphs lmao

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tavina-writes · 3 months ago

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Thank you to @nemainofthewater for tagging me! This feels like it's fun but also yes, very long, so I will also stick this under some cut tags lol.

1. why did you choose your url?

To be perfectly honest, Tavina is a character that middle school me came up with for a novel (The full name is Tavina Arax Vale which. Is the most middle school of OC names truly.) Nowadays it's like: I'm Tavina and I write so!

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

tavinafanfiction and tavina-hanfu. I feel like these are self explanatory but I also don't...use them. For many reasons mostly I'm lazy and I assume everyone wants to see all my posts anyway!

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

At least 10 years. I grew up here. I think my oldest post and or reblog is from April 2018, but I've been on here for much much longer.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I don't! Occasionally I remember to put stuff in there but most of the time I just reblog stuff when I see it.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

To be honest, I have no idea. To write poetry maybe?

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

This is an Ibuki Satsuki painting I thought was pretty and Ibuki has illustrated a bunch of cnovels that I enjoy.

7. why did you choose your header?

To be honest I thought it was pretty and it was a fun place I visited!

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

It's that one where I cry about writing, which has just passed 10k somehow, miraculously.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

a number greater than five. But honestly I have no idea is this something people know/can check?

10. how many followers do you have?

437

11. how many people do you follow?

355

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Probably? I don't make lots of original posts. I guess the crying about writing post is a shitpost?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I spend too much of my life on this hellsite (affectionate) so much so that my sense of humor is permanently altered.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Yeah. I mean. Did we see the dust up last week that I'm still questioning my sanity about lmao lolsob.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

I don't really reblog those.

16. do you like tag games?

Oh I love them! it is so so hard for me to remember they exist.

17. do you like ask games

I love them and I am so bad at answering asks. I try! but uh, my askbox is very hefty.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Perhaps @mikkeneko? I see you around in the wild! Also @thebiscuiteternal perhaps?

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

20. what is the last song you listened to?

Burning Desire by Lana Del Rey. It just came up on my youtube suggested.

21. what are you currently watching?

The Story of Minglan with @autumnslantern. It's the 8th or 9th time I've seen these episodes and the first time Lantern's seen them!

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?

ALL

23. what is your current relationship status?

Single.

24. what is your current obsession?

YARN YARN YARN YARNNNN

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

uhhh lets see:

Tu Honggang's 武家坡 which has me in a death grip

I Love You So F***ing Much by the Glass Animals

Cacophony by Paris Paloma

Poor Sweet Me by Lucette

化 by 西游乐队

random cycling of Mao Buyi songs.

Side Story of the Fox Volant Soundtrack

The Sound of Snow Falling/Yanxi Palace Soundtrack

Mermaids by Florence and the Machine

Tagging @cerusee, @dangermousie, @saiditallbefore, @thebiscuiteternal, and anyone else who sees this and wants to play!

#asks and answers #tag game

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rogalion · 2 years ago

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Skew-T graphs will be the death of me

hi if you thought i’d strictly post art here well you’re DEAD WRONG and i am an UNHINGED METEOROLOGY MAJOR so here we fucking go hellsite

before i even get to the behemoth that is a Skew-T I have to talk about the previous lab I did so let’s talk about SOUNDINGS from a RADIOSONDE.

Every day at 0000UTC and 1200UTC here in the united states if a NWS station has enough helium and/or budget to do so they launch a WEATHER BALLOON.

ATTACHED TO THESE IS A VERY IMPORTANT STYROFOAM BOX called a RADIOSONDE. They collect all the data as the balloon goes up including pressure, altitude, wind speed, temperature, dew point depression, a lot of important things. The data they collect is collectively called a SOUNDING and the raw data looks like this:

72235 TTAA 67121 72235 99000 21017 19009 00089 ///// ///// 92761 16015 19531 85482 14650 20036 70094 05873 21528 50576 12560 25060 40742 25746 25061 30944 42759 24566 25064 49769 25586 20209 54583 25588 15390 61181 26582 10638 67979 26553 88119 67779 24568 77176 26099 41116 31313 58208 81106 51515 10164 00000 10194 19530 20031= and so on there are like two other parts that look a lot like this.

I’m not gonna tell you how we decode these but basically at required pressure levels such as 1000, 925, 850, 700 hPA, etc. it tells us the temperature, dew point depression, altitude in geopotential meters/decameters, wind direction, and wind speed. The next two parts say the same stuff but at more levels and are more specific.

ALL THAT SHIT gets put on THIS FUCKER.

THIS IS CALLED A SKEW-T DIAGRAM.

i have to plot DATA on THIS for my lab due TOMORROW which is already late because I missed two crucial days in class due to mental health and my dog being sick so I’ve been taking notes on them ALL WEEKEND.

I love data as much as the next STEM major who loves data, but which dumbass decided that we were gonna make a menace of a graph that tries to fit as much information in a single goddamn thing as possible? I have no clue. Here’s what you get to know about this.

The horizontal lines with labels in the middle of them reading numbers like 1000, 950, 900, in intervals of 50 and using hectoPascal units are ISOBARS. These are lines of constant pressure and in meteorology we use these because pressure levels are far more relevant than altitude, and how high or low they are moves around so it’d get even more confusing even quicker if we actually used height (which we do but not right now I have enough on my plate).

The diagonal orange lines with the positive slope (so they point like [ / ] ) are called ISOTHERMS. If you’re already catching on you’ll figure these are lines of constant temperature which in this diagram is in degrees Celsius labeled I think within the respective isotherm here. The labeling schemes are not actually standardized which makes me want to strangle someone but I better get over that fast because there’s a lot of shit like that in meteorology. USUALLY they’re labeled at the bottom of the chart but not here because fuck me i guess.

Those are the easy ones. NOW I GET TO TALK ABOUT ADIABATS.

oh my god are they even. where the fuck are my dry adiabats. OH GOD I HAVE TO SQUINT

The very faint orange lines in the background that like, fuck, how do I describe them. The faint orange lines that look like they’re perpendicular to the isotherms (they are not) but are actually curved like the bottom half of the letter C are called DRY ADIABATS. These are lines of CONSTANT POTENTIAL TEMPERATURE. What the fuck does that mean? GOOD QUESTION.

Dry Adiabats indicate the rate of change of the temperature of a parcel of dry air rising or descending adiabatically, meaning with no loss (or gain) of heat by the parcel. For each multiple of 10 degrees C, that Dry Adiabat shares its label with the respective Isotherm reflecting the temperature of its point of intersection with the 1000 hPA isobar. If your eyes glazed over and you didn’t understand a word I just said, that’s fine. Me neither.

So what’s constant potential temperature? It’s constant temperature we THINK it is. So that line could, potentially, represent that temperature. Maybe. I love science.

The green lines that make a really stretched out S sometimes, I don’t know how to describe these, these are called SATURATION ADIABATS, or MOIST ADIABATS, or SATURATION PSEUDO-ADIABATS. Nothing is standardized and I am suffering immeasurably. They represent lines of constant equivalent potential temperature. What the fuck does THAT mean?

GOOD QUESTION! They represent the rate of change in temperature of a rising parcel of saturated air, assuming all condensed water vapor is liquid and falls out as the parcel rises (this is known as the pseudo-adiabatic assumption). Before you ask, I don’t know either. Pseudo-adiabatic dude just trust me.

Saturation Adiabats are labeled with the celsius temperature value of its point of intersection with the 1000 hPa isobar, and they share that label with the dry adiabats and isotherms.

Finally, the dashed lines with the positive slope are called SATURATION MIXING-RATIO LINES. AKA: HUMIDITY MIXING-RATIO LINES. They represent constant values of water vapor capacity, meaning the number of grams of water per kg of dry air required to saturate said air at a particular temperature and pressure. They’re confusingly and terrifyingly labeled at the bottom of the diagram with a range of 0.1 g/kg to 40g/kg in parts of water vapor per 1000 parts of dry air. Because the vapor capacity of air varies non-linearly with temperature, the intervals for labeling these are NOT uniform.

Congrats that’s all the lines, here’s a image that tells you that quicker and better:

oh yeah and on the right side Wind is plotted somewhere just like it is in any other weather station plot with the flags and the staff in the direction the wind is coming from etc. etc. yeah.

I wrote this while procrastinating on this exact assignment I had to decode a sounding and now I have to plot the temperature and dew point lines on one of these fuckers see y’all later for another stupid weather rant wahoo if im wrong on anything I’m sorry mostly to myself because that means I’m about to fail this lab bye bye

#meteorology #skew-t #jamie's weather rants

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miercolaes · 1 year ago

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okay. so i have been thinking about you in general for a while now, but the fact that it’s nye (well, nyd for me! i’m living in the future!!) prompted me to finally message you. you are one of my favourite people on this silly little site, and i really, really mean that. your writing is spectacular, your posts about wednesday are always so passionate and detailed, and i just really really adore everything you’re doing with her. and that you’ve kept it up even after the wednesday rpc died. i am so glad you didn’t die with it!! i’ll never forget the day you messaged me about being affiliates, because when the message popped up on my phone, i was literally watching jenna ortega in a show on television. in that. exact moment. and seeing her made me think of you, and i remember thinking to myself ‘when this is over, i’m going to pluck up the courage and ask veronica if she’d like to be affiliates.’ but you beat me to it! i know we don’t get to write or chat heaps these days, (and that’s purely on me bc i have been so slack lately), but i hope you know that i treasure every single conversation, every single thread we’ve ever written. you’re such a special person, and i’m so so lucky to know you. you’re so talented, thoughtful and kind, and i!!! i hope that 2024 is everything you hope it will be, and more!

as always, i'm going to put a uno reverse on you and i'm afraid i might have to use the read more function.

frankie my beloved! words can't even begin to describe how grateful i am for you being part of my silly life. believe it or not, it's been almost a year since we've became mutuals on this hellsite (it was 20th january, according to my previous blog) and honestly? i have no idea when the time has passed. but i want you to know that i treasure you and any of our interactions so much, be it ic or ooc.

now i gotta admit it's lowkey hilarious how that specific conversation went down. and i'm here to say : GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE. otherwise, i can't phantom how we both thought of the same thing at the same time. i can assure you i am not some kind of mind reader, the only tricks i can pull (and poorly, at best, may i add) are ones with cards. therefore, the only valid explanation is that we have great minds that maybe share one brain cell.

joke's aside, this is now my time to tell you something i've been meaning to for a while now. i've admired you and everything you do for that matter ever since i found your janessa blog. and btw, in my mind your janessa is an oc. like, i know i follow many other wonderful people writing eleven / jane, but i swear my brain can't comprehend that it's the same character. and particularly your version of janessa is something else. you got me to the point i actually think stranger things' el birth name is janessa. still baffled that it isn't. but i only know of janessa, written by the one and only frankie. i am so glad i gathered the courage to ask you to be affiliates because, first and foremost, you helped me a lot when it came to understanding how my own version of wednesday works. but wait, there's more!!! i hope you won't take this the wrong way, and hopefully i'll phrase it accordingly, but i was and still kind of am intimidated by you and what you do writing - wise. not in a im afraid of interacting with you, but moreso i am in awe at everything you do. i can see you put a lot of thought in janessa and what comes out is just too beautiful to be true (and it is true??). you're a bloody brilliant writer and tbh you inspire me to delve deeper into my own characters. i adore everything you do, but even if you weren't, who you are seals the deal. you're an amazing friend and icb this hellsite made it possible that i got to meet you.

it doesn't matter when you respond to me. it doesn't matter what you do with your blogs. because no matter what, as long as you'll have me, your local cryptid, i will follow you into the infernal pit and back. while it's true that i love wednesday and janessa interacting, i treasure the vero and frankie ones more. no matter how frequent it is. i'm glad i've met you. and you won't be getting rid of me easily (this is a direct and immediate threat btw). whether we'll pull a mind reading again or just chill, i'm looking forward to it all. i love you and your brand and i'm glad you too survived the stranger things purge that keeps on coming and going lmao

#shadowedvales #♱ saved.

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pikolswonderland · 3 months ago

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are u still working on GoBB as above so below? I saw your posts a few days ago, and thought they were really interesting! But noticed you haven’t done anything with it for a while.

Heya, sorry I'm late to responding to this. I feel like I should really go in more detail with this right now because I know everyone here who was following me for AASB and GoBB in general are confused as to where I have been.

CW// Bit of a vent

Yeah, I am indeed still working on As Above So Below, I’m just taking a break from GoBB for right now. I haven’t been super motivated to work on AASB for a bit now since there hasn’t been a lot of updates on Chapter 8 as of right now and I've been hyperfixated on other stuff. I feel like the Euphoric Brothers are also taking GoBB a bit more slowly as well, as the release days for the games have been getting father and father apart from each other as the games have been getting bigger.

I've been pretty burnt out on AASB and GoBB in general as of late, and I've been more hyperfixated on TMNT and Pokémon. As stated in that post I've been really struggling on making my redesigns for the characters in AASB, committing to a design is always really difficult for me in my experience in character design (ESPECIALLY with more complex designs like my redesigns for AASB). I have, however, come up with an idea for my designs that I think would really elevate them that I haven't really seen in other GoBB redesigns. Another thing with AASB that I am struggling to finish is the story, since GoBB is still currently an ongoing story, there are plenty of changes I am going to be adding as time goes on (I DO have a rough outline of events, characters, and the beginning and ending). Overall, the main reason I haven't been working on AASB is because of creative block and my stupid ADHD brain.

I often feel self-conscious about things like this, procrastinating on things and feeling like I'm betraying everyone by not doing anything, especially when i comes to updating with new content for something I know people are interested in. I get I don't have to owe anyone here on this hellsite anything, this is my creative project I'm doing for my own enjoyment. I forget that sometimes, and I'm trying my hardest to not.

However, I am currently working on another long explanation post similar to my one on the plot and the one on GV. I won't be revealing what this lore post is about just yet, so I hope you'll be looking forward to it once it comes out!

So, yeah. AASB is far from over, it's just on a bit of an undetermined hiatus for now. Thank you to everyone who has supported me with AASB so far now, I appreciate all of you! You can also keep sending in asks about AASB, I'll get to them eventually. I just hope everyone here can still be a little patient.

#gobb #garten of banban #garten of banban rewrite #garten of banban redesign #gobb: as above so below #asks #send me asks #pik's writing #pik's fanfiction #adhd problems #vent #vent post #cw vent #tw vent #hyperfixation #writers block #artists block #help me #i want to yeet myself into the sun

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foxbox23232 · 4 months ago

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Hey I just wanted to share as encouragement. Never underestimate the power of telling the truth. This man used to i guess have a crush on me in middle school on the bus he told me. I thought it was funny or whatever nbd and then decided to tell him my testimony randomly and probably decided to based on his posts because we are in the end times and people are more depressed and suicidal more than EVER BEFORE. At the time he gave a pretty unbeliever response. I just spoke with love and was on my way and stopped bothering him. Maybe year or so ago. Nothing weird or anything just sharing the gospel. Recently he started posting about the gospel and it just goes to show it’s not really about you. It’s about how deep they want to go. It’s about if they want to know the Truth or not. It has pretty much nothing to do with you 99% of the time. But I’ll tell you what, being honest, open, and loving really does make a difference in conversations. And really reveals and reflects biblically Gods heart for his people.

I’ve actually been seeing a lot of posts about Jesus lately and I do try to comment or whatever I see about it and of course I make posts about Jesus. Facebook is probably the least demonic social media for some reason probably because we actually talk, learn, have discussion, don’t jump the gun like twitter, probably the best social media if you’re a Christian or like learning IMO I’ve been seeing a lot of people I know come forward about their republican beliefs or Jesus as well. I also really enjoy tumblr because you can post whatever you want and collect things you learn about. I like how it has nothing to do with anyone you really know if you don’t want it to. I like how you’re free to express yourself on here. I know this website is kind of known as a “hellsite” but TBH it is what you make your blog about.

This man is also schizophrenic and although I want to be the one to help him I also know depending on how bad he wants the truth God could just do it and totally heal him and deliver him from that demonic spirit. And FYI science says there is no cure for schizophrenia but it is 100% curable with God. And instantly too… which again is impossible according to science. So ya science is good for nothing maybe?

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darael · 10 months ago

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Oooof, there's some serious problems with that essay (its examples hold up only if you assume that the specific problem that may have been alleviated was the only moral dimension to the situation and actions in question, and in only one of those cases was that true¹) and it doesn't really describe what's happening here anyway. It's not that people think, as proposed by this idea of Copenhagen ethics, that observing and acknowledging the existence of a problem makes them culpable. If they thought that, they'd be trying to ignore or deny the genocide, because under the Copenhagen interpretation not acknowledging it would keep them pure of culpability.

No, this is a matter of people conflating the (true, valid, useful) idea that there is always something beyond the dichotomy with the (film-script, fiction) notion that The Third Option must necessarily be easy and pure. As we who are discussing this know, it often isn't. It's often the hardest of all, and has problems of its own. Because like @deadnotsleeping413 said, there is at least theoretically third option here besides one of the two genocidal maniacs becoming president… but as the sarcasm indicates, it isn't pure or easy. In fact, it's so not-easy that it is far too late to make it happen before the choice must next be made.

I saw it said on the formerly-blue hellsite(derogatory) that "if the choice is between Hitler and Mussolini the answer is to destroy the government", and the thing is that there does come a point where that's true — but you'd better be damned sure that you will actually do so, and in a way that doesn't manage to be worse than either by preserving the attitudes that created them while also making a whole lot of extra suffering along the way, and those using pithy lines to equivocate the outcomes don't have a plan or even much intent to do anything besides wait for someone else to do the revolution for them.

Consequentialist ethics are great (if you're sensible about them, and realise that you have to temper them with at least enough intentionalism to use the consequences that could reasonably be foreseen rather than what happens regardless of predictability), but you have to consider all the consequences of all the options. If something is a consequence of all your choices, then you need to make it a non-factor in that decision. That doesn't mean you can't affect it — it means you are looking at the wrong decision point from which to do so. That's why the people scolding those voting uncommitted in primaries to express their displeasure at Biden's support for Israeli atrocities are being just as ridiculous as the ones intending to abstain from the general — the former are pretending that the choice in the primary is the same choice as the one in the general with the same outcomes, and the latter are pretending that the choice in the general is the only one. Both groups are pretending there's only one point at which a decision is made.

You are, each and every one of you, a unique and nuanced person. You contain multitudes. You can, should, and — I guarantee — do care about multiple things, which sometimes appear to be in conflict. No, not just "appear": sometimes, in practical terms even if not in ideological ones, they are in conflict. But the way you reject the dichotomy of "bad thing A or bad thing B" isn't to make a single third choice that produces neither A nor B: it's to reject the dichotomy of choose now or never. If you can't use this moment to prevent both, look for another moment you can use on one of them, and use your choice now to work on the other.

And to those reading who have a third option that will actually improve things overall and necessitate not choosing the furthest-left of the way-over-to-the-right set of actually viable candidates in the meantime… please do tell me what it is and how you plan to achieve it (even if that's just "by doing what this specific other person, who has a better plan than I can come up with because I am just one Internet rando, says"). I'd love to know. I won't be implementing it in the next US elections because I am neither a citizen nor a resident of that country, but maybe I can adapt it to my own.

1: two examples: criticism of Uber is not actually based exclusively on their use of surge-pricingprice-gouging, but also on their constant skirting of regulations, blatantly anticompetitive businesses practices, and mistreatment of "independent contractor" employees-in-all-but-name and customers alike; and PETA's "go vegan to get your bills paid" stunt had more dimensions to it than just that of bill payment. The only one that actually holds up under even a moment's thought is the case of tracking nonparticipants in a programme that was already operating at capacity, and calling them a control group.

You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".

Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.

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sarah-dipitous · 2 years ago

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Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 178

Many Happy Returns/The Empty Hearse

“Many Happy Returns”

Plot Description: John and Lestrade try to move on with their lives after Sherlock’s apparent death. However, Anderson believes he’s still alive

I didn’t WANT to have to go to youtube to actually find Many Happy Returns, but it’s apparently not on my dvds, which is bullshit

Would you consider Anderson to be the original Charlie Day meme because we used him in these episodes as a “person goes mad over complicated theories” meme first? Or would would whichever episode came out first (Always Sunny) to be the origin of the meme? Or neither because I feel like people have been going mad over complex theories for a LONG long time

Poor Greg getting absolutely RIPPED APART and so CASUALLY by Anderson

Oh these poor boys. They’re very awkward together because the thing that held them together WAS Sherlock. It’s like that episode of New Girl where Schmidt and Winston have to hang out together without Nick…except in this case, they both think Nick is dead instead of………on a date? Maybe? I dunno, it’s been a while since I watched it

Does John just have a degradation kink? Sherlock, on a video for John’s birthday (though this is the uncut version), went on and on about how all of John’s friends hate him, how he wrote a paper on that sort of thing based on spending time with John and his friends, and all John did after is ask him again to stop being dead……..

“The Empty Hearse”

Plot Description: Mycroft calls Sherlock back to London to investigate an underground terrorist organization

The bungee cord, the hypnotist, Sherlock kissing Molly…this is all just very absurd

Oh PLEASE. The height difference between Jim and Sherlock alone should prove that Sherlock’s corpse wasn’t Jim with a mask…

It’s weird to have Greg tell Anderson that all his theories are guilt over what he and Donovan did. Because…it likely IS but also HE’S RIGHT, at least that Sherlock’s been behind a lot of foreign cases getting solved lately and that his death was faked. Maybe not the exact way it happened but still. I wish they explored Anderson’s guilt more without us knowing…thought, that WOULD be difficult to sell. The series is called Sherlock and how do you have season three without the title character?? Anyway…

God. How did I forget about the mustache???

I’ll never not be in favor of things in languages I don’t speak, but mannnn do my eyes hate reading subtitles on my tv screens. The squinting I have to do…

Oh. Mycroft didn’t just CALL Sherlock back. He went to whatever Eastern Europe prison Sherlock was in and, posing as some kind of authority figure there, dragged him out himself. There is a DIFFERENCE

John deciding to…visit? 221b…I don’t like how confused Mrs Hudson was to see him. He stayed in touch to some extent with Greg but not Mrs Hudson?

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING!!! Mycroft is MUCH more likely to make calls and decisions to get shit done, not go out and do it himself. That’s what he has spies and Sherlock for. Though, you can’t exactly SEND Sherlock to retrieve Sherlock

I love that Sherlock’s accusing Mycroft of enjoying watching him get beat up in prison. For all the pain Sherlock has caused his brother, let him enjoy it a little

Yeah……..she’s pissssssssed at him. Omg she’s so passive aggressive about it.

Obviously. You’re bi, John. Happy Pride. It’s nearly over now

Ok there’s near NO WAY you could have known that…you literally just walked in

When we call John unobservant…or, well, Sherlock does…this restaurant scene is the epitome. He wants John’s attention SO BAD. And John WILL NOT LOOK AT HIM

The music building as John stands there frozen in anger before he can actually speak

Sherls, girl, you GOTTA learn to read the room. This was not a “lighten the mood by mocking the mustache” kind of moment. He’s very right to throttle you

I don’t care. The number of restaurants they get kicked out of is absolutely hilarious. Martin Freeman’s “THIS BITCH” face when Sherlock asks John for his help after all the past two years of silence and this entire night…unmatched

Greg just lost a bet with Anderson…he’s so happy to see Sherlock

Oh god…is this the Sheriarty theory? I wanna befriend that girl. Or at least find her ao3. It ISSSSSSS

God I miss Jim

I wish they’d done better by Mary. I love how she is in this episode. I love her teasing John about Sherlock

Mycroft getting uncomfortable and offended and insisting Sherlock change the subject when it was suggested that he maybe should have gotten a “goldfish” *wink wink nudge nudge* while Sherlock was absent for two years. It’s giving 🧡💛🤍🩵💙 ya know? With possibly aplatonic too?

Bitch, fuck you. You played that entire deduction game to insinuate that your extremely aspec older brother is lonely only to then throw it in his face that “how would you know?” Get the fuck out of here. Look. I know I’m being a little jokey when I diagnose Mycroft aspec but….he has the vibes, my dears. I know neither Moffat nor Gatiss would ever confirm it, so it’s all headcanon, but I’m protective of my aspec headcanons

The way they get around censoring out “fuck off,” it was very good

I have so little interest in the cases Sherlock and Molly are solving

The episodes are better when there’s one big case or a bunch of small ones but they are explicitly connected from the beginning

You’re right. Molly does deserve better than you

Oh shit. I forgot this part where Sherlock and Mary have to go save John from brewing burned alive

Aw, happy November 5th (in universe) from six years before that date meant EVERYTHING to tumblr

It’s nice to see them getting along again

(OMG THERES HALF AN HOUR LEFT. HOW)

Oh. Right. The train case…see, this is why we need shorter episodes. I forgot about it in the time I was watching it

These stakes are too high and concrete. We need lower or more nebulous stakes. Like, they’re literally trying to keep Parliament from blowing up by train car bomb…is this the moment they out the skis on the ramp in order to make the jump fully over the shark?

How does Sherlock have Icelandic sheep wool facts stuffed away but not something useful like diffusing a bomb? Honestly, I don’t blame John for not believing this or the apology. I certainly don’t believe he doesn’t know

I can’t believe Anderson is disappointed in the (perhaps) real way Sherlock’s death and resurrection went down…except maybe not?? Who knows, honestly

It just….had an off switch?? Wtf? Punch him again. Do it, John.

Maybe it’s not just a degradation…perhaps it’s humiliation too.

So Molly has a type. There’s nothing wrong with that. She can move on with a guy who looks and dresses like Sherlock as long as he treats her miles better

You know, it’s nice he’s leaning into the deer stalker cap look

Our first look at Magnussen

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

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fbfh · 2 years ago

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last first kiss - dustin henderson x reader fluff

wc: 1.3k

genre: FLUFF!!!!!!!!!!, friends to lovers, pining

pairing: dustin x gn reader

warnings: some suzie mentions, steve is bad at relationship advice (what's new), dustin is crushing hardcore on you, kissing in mike wheeler's basement, mentions of past encounters with demogorgons and monsters, allusions to events from seasons 1 - 3, ambiguous timeline but takes place after season 3, Will catches you kissing lol

summary: while waiting for your friends, you and dustin get to talking and he tells you that he broke up with suzie. he doesn't tell you he broke up with her because he's had a crush on you since the snowball, but maybe finally working up the nerve to kiss you will be a good way to confess.

song rec: young love - coby grant, last first kiss - one direction

a/n: i tried to fix a typo in a JJ fic and it got posted like a week early because tumblr is a hellsite :) anyway please enjoy this ty for the request it was literally so adorable!!!!!

tags: @yesv01 @hopefullhearts @littlewinter1917 @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sad-brunnettee @ilikemypolarbear @lubsana @cowboylikekelsey @paris-loves-dustin

With all the crazy things you and your friends have been through lately, especially Will, it seemed long overdue to surprise him with a fun night together. Mike, Dustin, and Lucas came up with a plan, roping you, Max, and El along with them. You were going to surprise Will with a DnD campaign Mike has been working on, and it’s finally ready. Mike and Lucas are distracting Will, dragging him around downtown, running errands and taking him on various wild goose chases. El and Max are getting the real supplies - snacks. That leaves you and Dustin right here in Mike’s basement, painting cardboard monsters and villagers so they’re ready by the time everyone gets back.

You’re sitting on the floor across from each other, putting the finishing touches on the goblin you’d been working on. You’re pretty much done, and ahead of schedule too. The rest of the party should be back pretty soon, then you can start playing. Even though you and Max don’t really play DnD, you’re still excited to hang out with everyone.

You’ve been in the same class as the party since you started middle school, but you were in a different friend group. At the Snowball you couldn’t believe how rude your friend Stacey was to Dustin. You had always been nice to kids in other clubs and friend groups, and you thought she was the same. You told her off and marched right over to ask him to dance. Ever since that night, Dustin has been harboring a huge crush on you.

Nothing really came of it because you ran in different circles, until one night when you saw a demogorgon in your backyard. None of your friends believed you, so you didn’t know what to do or who to turn to, until you saw Dustin pass by in the hallway talking about different monsters and their hit points with Mike.

They’re into all that nerdy fantasy stuff, you realized, they would probably be able to tell you what you saw if you described it to them. Once you started grilling them about monsters, they put two and two together pretty fast. Ever since then, you’d been right beside them through every crazy thing that’s happened in Hawkins. Now you’re here, sitting across from Dustin and talking while the paint on the last few villagers dries.

“It’s so weird that me and Will are the only two in the group not dating someone,” you muse, fanning the wet paint with your hand before setting it down.

“Yeah, well, I mean it’s three now, but…” he murmurs, and you look up at him, confused.

“I thought you and Suzie-”

“Yeah, we, uh… I kinda broke up with her…” he picks at the carpet.

“What happened?” you ask quietly, “Just if you want to talk, I mean,” you amend. Breakups are tricky, and you want him to know that you’re there for him. He looks around the room, not quite meeting your gaze.

“Well, you know, her parents are really strict and everything,” he begins slowly, “and it’s a lot harder dating someone you can only see during summer, and can only talk to in secret, you know…”

“Yeah, it sounds hard,” you agree. He fidgets with the brim of his baseball cap, then continues.

“I think it’s better to date someone you’re close to.”

You look up at him.

“Like, physically closer to, same area… geographically…” he sputters, correcting himself.

“That makes sense.” you say with a chuckle.

“Maybe…” he says quietly, “you know, someone who goes to the same school, or something…” he murmurs. You consider.

“If you go to school together you could see them every day,” you smile. He’s reminded of all the times his day has been made just by passing you in the halls, the little wave and smile you greet him with. In spite of the dim lighting, the pink tint to his cheeks doesn’t slip past you.

“Yeah,” he agrees, avoiding your eyes. “That would be nice.”

“It sucks though, I know you really liked Suzie.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, “she was really smart and pretty, she reminded me of you…” he trails off, eyes going wide. “Of… I mean, like, of what you would want… in a girlfriend…”

Your heart flutters a little as he sputters out a response, hoping he saved it and you don’t know about his impossible to hide titanic sized crush on you. You look down, fighting butterflies, then back up at him with that sweet smile of yours. You place your hand on his arm. His heart pounds harder.

“You’re… the best, Dustin. You’re going to find someone really, really lucky who sees that.” He can feel the sincerity of your words, and it makes him blush harder. The tips of his ears are pink as your words sink in.

It’s quiet for a second.

You start to lower your hand so you can check if the paint is fully dry. Before you can, he leans in close to you, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. You stare at each other for a moment, breathless. You let out a flustered giggle, smiling like you do and making his heart do backflips. You place your hand on his cheek, leaning in to kiss him again. His eyes go wide, heart pounding, as you press your lips to his.

He can’t believe this is happening. He couldn’t believe it when you asked him to dance at the Snowball, he couldn’t believe it that day you walked up to him between third and fourth period and asked him how much he knew about monsters, couldn’t believe it every time since then when you’d backed up his crazy plans and fought by his side. He never thought he had a chance with you, so when he met Suzie at camp, all of Steve’s terribly hypocritical dating advice about not getting hung up on one person who’s not into you like that came rushing back to him. Look at him now, getting to kiss you.

You’re really flustered. More flustered than you’d expected to be. As your lips move against each other’s, you realize how much you really, really like Dustin. He’s always been so sincere and nice to you, and never two faced like some of your old friends. You’ve been there for each other through so much, you can count on each other for anything, and you’re overwhelmed by the feeling of how much you like him. He really is the best. You wonder why you didn’t realize how you feel sooner.

“What?! No!”

You pull away suddenly, heads whipping around to Will, who’s standing on the stairs.

“Not you too!” he cries. You both start talking over each other, scrambling for an explanation, but he cuts you off.

“Look, just-” he sighs. “I won’t say anything.”

You let out a sigh of relief.

“But no pda!” he adds. You agree, thankful that didn’t go worse. He starts to go upstairs and you giggle, causing Dustin to giggle. You lean in to kiss him again.

Behind you, Will pokes his head down, shooting Dustin a thumbs up, which he returns, clearly excited at this whole turn of events. Will knows how bad Dustin has had it for you for so long, how much this must mean to him. He’s really happy for him, for both of you. You’re like, the nicest person ever, and Dustin is one of his best friends. You deserve each other, he thinks.

When you and Dustin finally pull away to catch your breath, he smiles bigger than you’ve ever seen him. He can’t believe this is real, that you like him back. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy. He can’t wait to tell Steve everything.

#stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things fluff #dustin henderson #dustin henderson x reader #dustin henderson fluff #the party are the friend group i needed when I was younger #dustin is an icon

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the-purity-pen · 4 years ago

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One Temptation

Pairing: Benny Miller x Will Miller x Santiago Garcia x Frankie Morales x Fem!Reader

gif is not my own. credit to the creator [ if you know who made this, please tell me so i can credit them, thanks! ]

Rating: EXPLICIT (18+ ONLY!) Warnings: Sex Pollen, Group sex, Double Penetration, Unprotected PIV (please be safe irl), cum eating, fingering, oral (f & m receiving), Anal, Shower sex, let me know if i missed anything! Word Count: 5,818 Notes: This has been in the works for MONTHS at this point and I finally feel okay releasing it to the hellsite. It’s filthy, it’s probably not perfectly canon but I love these boys and this was such an adventure to write. Please let me know what you think!

You were nervous as hell to walk into the conference room. The first day on any job is nerve wracking but even after a few weeks, you found yourself feeling like the outsider still. It wasn’t anyone’s direct fault, per say. Just a feeling you had from being the new one on the team.

The team you had been assigned to was a tight knit one. The four of them having been through all kinds of combat and missions together. Their previous team leader had gone off the rails and was forced to retire early.

Your debriefing hadn't gone into a lot of details but the remaining men on the team seemed friendly enough. Benny and Will Miller, the brothers were such polar opposites that their interactions were always entertaining. And Frankie Morales seemed like a pretty sensible one, a lovable man with a mean streak when needed.

And then there was Santiago Garcia. The man was generally more observant but when he spoke, he attracted the attention of an entire room. His personality was electric in a way. The way his scruff would sound as his hand ran over his jaw, deep in thought at whatever mission was being described as one that the team would be taking.

A new drug lord was suspected in Miami, carting drugs from Colombia and Bolivia. The trail had led to many dead ends but there was one loose end that your new team would be able to solve. A nightclub had been staked out and found to be smuggling drugs through some warehouse-like door in the basement. There wasn’t enough to get full intel and they needed a team to infiltrate and go undercover to gain more information.

Part of the plan was to have you, of course, dress up and play flirty with some of the bouncers and bodyguards of the club. You were extremely nervous and it apparently showed through because as much you knew these guys were good, you couldn’t help but feel like trusting them with an assignment like this was a big ask.

When the assigning officer heard your concerns, he offered up a serotonin-inducing serum. It was new on the market but was studied to have helped with team building. At least that’s what he told you. After having a short conversation with the team, you agree to all take the serum.

After taking the sticky sweet green drink, you were informed that it could take a full 24 hours for the full effect to take place. "Why don't we throw a party?" Benny chimed in with the boyish grin plastered on his face.

You stifled a laugh and shook your head. "I'm not exactly the party type," you admitted as your eyes scanned from Benny to Santi who spoke up next.

"What about just a night of beers and cheesy movies?" he offered to which all heads started nodding. "My place. Tomorrow night. Eight o clock," he added after the consensus was made.

***********

Walking up to Santiago's door had your heart thundering so loud in your ears, you were sure you wouldn't be able to hear him when he greeted you. Your hands twisted around the case of beers, hoping you had picked the right kind. You knew how these military types were picky about their booze.

"Hey! You made it!" Santi exclaimed as he opened the door and let you walk in. Your eyes took in the small apartment and noticed that you were the first to arrive.

"Am I early?" You turned around to face him as he closed the door. He shook his head with a chuckle as he moved closer to take the case of beer from you and move it to the fridge.

"Nah, they're just always late. Good choice by the way," he mentioned as he held up the case and nodded to it just before placing it in the fridge. Your arms weakly rubbed at each other, crossed over your chest.

When Santi turned back towards you, he chuckled. "You can take your jacket off, you know. I mean if you plan on staying," he cracked which made you smile. After your jacket slipped off and was placed on the back of a nearby chair, Santi held an open beer out to you.

"Thanks," you told him softly before there were more knocks on the door. The other three piled in, Will followed by Benny with Frankie bringing up the rear. Benny was already slurring and jolly, Will was just shaking his head at his brother as he greeted you. Frankie came up, adjusting the ball cap that he always seemed to wear and said hello.

***********

"Truth or Dare!" Benny cried out when a suggestion pool had started of what they should play.

Handfuls of beers had been consumed by this point and you were starting to feel more comfortable. It was also becoming apparent as you watched each of them how attractive they really were in this laid back setting.

The entire group groaned but Benny pushed forward on the couch so his elbows were on his knees. Santi had actually been oddly quiet, chewing on his lower lip as he was watching you interact.

"Alright Pope. You first," Benny held up a hand loosely gesturing at the man sitting across from him. Santi rolled his eyes and shook his head but grinned at the same time.

Will tapped Benny on the shoulder and whispered some idea into his brother's head that apparently made Benny very excited. "Ooh! Ooh! Okay okay," Benny adjusted his shoulders, shooting you a quick glance before looking back to Santi.

"Have you ever thought about-"

"I didn't even choose which one asshole!" Santi replied with a loud laugh. Seeing his smile that wide was uncommon and you felt a small knot form in your chest at it but you stifled a snort in response.

Frankie and Will also broke out into laughter as Benny conceded. "Alright alright fine. Choose, motherfucker," he narrowed his eyes at Santi before cracking a grin himself.

"Truth cuz I'm too old and lazy to do any stupid stunts you could come up," Santi chided at his brother in arms before taking a long swig of his beer, one of the bottles of the kind that you had brought.

Benny rubbed his hands together like he was concocting some evil plan. "Alright then back to what I was asking before you so -rudely- interrupted. Have you," he paused to glance over at you, his gaze unashamedly running over your body, making you curl into yourself a bit more on the big armchair you were seated in. "Ever thought about fucking her?" He nodded his head in your direction when his gaze came back to Santi.

Your heart was back to racing in your chest as you turned your attention to Santi. Without missing a beat, Santi answered. "Abso-fucking-lutely."

You were ninety percent sure that you stopped breathing. Your eyes blinked only out of automation as your mouth became a small o shape. Your entire body felt like it was heating up in the few moments that passed.

Santi then looked at you and your entire body felt ablaze again. "Uh, what? What did I just say?" Santi seemed to have come-to from a small spell he was under. Your gaze was so focused on his face you didn't see the way the other three shifted in their seats or the way that Frankie palmed himself lightly to adjust his growing erection at the thought.

"Y-you…" Words were hard to come by and your face felt like fire and your heartbeat whooshed into your ears. Your chest heaved lightly at the sudden panting you seemed to be doing.

"Well fuck me!" Benny cried out as he laughed nervously. Will punched his brother in the arm and that's when your eyes shifted to the rest of the guys, noticing that their gazes were locked on you. It was as if you held some sort of magical answer to a question you didn't have any clue of.

Your mouth opened and closed a few times before you cleared your throat and took a nervous sip of your beer. There was only a drop. You huffed nervously. "Oh, look, I need another beer," you quickly and quietly said before pushing up out of the chair and practically running over to the kitchen.

You could hear their low murmurs, chattering amongst themselves as you rinsed the empty bottle in the sink. Your hands were a shaking mess as thoughts swirled in your mind. You squeezed your eyes shut for a second before bending to grab another beer from the fridge.

A presence against your backside made you gasp. Hands came to your hips as you slowly stood up, swallowing the large lump that had formed in your throat. You tried to clear it as you closed the fridge but the presence behind you kept their grip on your hips.

Your nose finally picked up the scent of the cologne. Santi. He leaned forward, pressing his chest to your back as one finger came up to trace a line down your neck. Instinctively your head rolled to the other side to open for his soft touch.

Your breathing was ragged and you immediately mewled when his lips took over for his hand against your neck. "I want you hermosa," his voice grumbled against your skin and you immediately felt weak. Your hands tried to focus on the beer bottle but you were slipping into euphoria.

"Santi," you heard Benny's voice come from across the kitchen. Both you and Santi turned to see all three of them moving closer. "We all want her," Benny admitted and you saw the way his tongue peeked out between his lips to wet then as his eyes seared into you.

"Guys." Your voice was weak and shaky. "I- I can't do this. It's-" your words were cut off by Santi's lips attaching to your neck again and the bottle you held was slammed down onto the counter as you gripped the edge to steady yourself.

One of his hands worked around to the front of your blouse and tugged at the buttons. You could feel the weight of him pressing against your ass and your entire body buzzed with lust. That familiar heat was starting to grow in the pit of your stomach and you knew the booze was partially to blame.

But only partially.

When your eyes fluttered open as Santi slowed his assault on your neck, you saw Benny standing so much closer. "Seriously," he said, his hand coming up to let a finger trace along your collarbone. "We want you," he told you in an uncharacteristically quiet voice before leaning in to capture your lips.

You moaned quietly against his lips, having not been kissed in far too long. You finally pushed against him and he pulled away from the kiss. "Seriously," you sloppily repeated back his words as you scooted to the side out of Santi's grasp.

A piece of paper was on the island counter that caught your attention. The red lettering at the bottom looked familiar. Your curiosity piqued and you moved closer to pick up the paper to read it.

Known side effects include but are not limited to: sudden panting, decreased morality judgement, increased appetite, increased sexual desire and libido…

You blinked as Santi rounded the corner of the counter to you. "Fuck," you muttered quietly to yourself as you noticed his movements and came around the other side to only be greeted by Frankie, who's tanned skin on his cheeks was flushing slightly.

"Did anyone read this?!" You asked, panicked and looked at all of them one by one.

"What is it?" Benny asked, not fully caring what it was.

You moved closer to Frankie to hold it up. His eyes tried hard to focus on the words as he took the paper from you. "It's the fucking side effects to the serum, man," Frankie spoke aloud as he too paused at the one about sexual desire. "Shit," he muttered as a hand came down to his crotch to adjust himself.

"Well what are they?" Benny asked impatiently as he eyed you walking across the floor to the living room. Santi moved over to Frankie to take the paper and read it over. Will was watching you along with his brother as your hips swayed as you paced the living room floor.

"Fuckin' increased sexual desire? What the shit is that? Why would they give this to us?!" Santi yelled but realized that all eyes were on you as you breathed heavily. Your arms were crossed over your chest and one hand was at your lips, tugging at them, trying everything in your power to keep yourself distracted from looking over at your team.

“Hey,” Santi called your name with furrowed brows. “You alright?” he questioned as he moved closer. Your mind was reeling but your body was convulsing with need, with want. It felt like a fire had been lit from deep within your belly and no amount of pacing or trying to think straight was going to smother it.

Santi’s hand on your shoulder made you jump, too wrapped up in your own body and thoughts to notice how close he had gotten. He was standing directly in front of you and your eyes were darting around his features. Your nose flaring with each pant of a breath you tried to take. His own eyes were trying to take in every movement of your face to see what was going on but he was far too distracted by the parting of your lips.

“Santi.” His name came out as a breathless whimper as you looked at him. Within a moment his hand was on the back of your head and his lips were pressing hungrily into yours.

You heard movement in the kitchen and into the living room but Santi’s lips had moved to your neck and all thoughts were gone. The burn in your body was glowing brighter, threatening to combust when he bit down on the conjunction of your neck and shoulder.

Suddenly another pair of hands were groping at the globes of your ass through your jeans. A groan in your ear that wasn’t Santi had your eyes fluttering. One of your hands was holding the back of Santi’s head, scratching his scalp lightly. Your other hand dipped behind your back and down, groping at what you found to be a very hard cock in someone’s jeans.

Benny’s groan came clear into your ears. “God, you’re so hot,” he muttered which made you release a small shuddering breath. Benny pressed against your back, his hands roaming over your body wherever Santi’s wasn’t.

Your body was already feeling on fire, like every touch was electric. The way Benny’s lips moved over the shell of your ear as Santi worked your clothes off. You were turned into Benny’s arms. He chuckled as he looked down at your wrecked face. “You look absolutely amazing,” he cooed softly, something you didn’t know he was capable of.

Your head turned as Benny kissed along your neck and you saw Will standing with his pants pulled down to his knees and cock in hand. You swallowed thickly as Santi kissed up your thighs and over your mound, his fingers tracing lines up your legs.

“Fuck I need to taste you,” Santi mumured as he pushed your hips a bit wider. You groaned and leaned back against Benny who held you up and slid his hands up under your shirt to grope at your breasts. You turned to see Will still stroking himself quietly at the sight before him. Watching you become totally undone was intoxicating.

Another pair of hands were on your body, taking over groping your breasts as Benny pulled your shirt up over your head. You could barely register that you were completely nude in front of your team as Santi’s tongue ran over your folds, groaning at the taste. When his lips wrapped around your bundle of nerves, the third pair of hands were gently caressing and rolling your nipples.

A blinding hot streak ran through your body, straight down to your toes. The way Santi licked into you causing your thighs to tremble. You managed to look down just in time to see Frankie’s head kissing at the swell of your breast.

The more their hands were on you, the faster their movements became, the needier they seemed. The burning ache in your body only seemed to grow as Benny gently guided you backward until you fell onto his lap. At some point he had released his erection. Santi crawled to try to reattach his lips to your core but Benny was quicker and slipped himself into your soaking folds with barely any hesitation.

You cried out as Benny filled you and started to thrust up into you, his hips snapping against your ass. Santi groaned. “Benny you fuckin’ cabron,” Santi muttered and Benny just chuckled in your ear as he nibbled on it.

“Babygirl, what feels better, Santi’s mouth or my cock? Hm?” Benny asked as his eyes bore into Santi who glared at him but palmed his own length anyways. Frankie moved closer and tried to kiss the other side of your face.

Your mouth was flopping like a fish and you couldn’t create enough saliva to speak. Instead you whined as Santi kissed at the inside of your knee, his hand more furious on his cock now. Will was standing close by, just watching everything but focusing on how wrecked your face was as his brother pounded into you.

Frankie was gentle but groaning against your skin as he tried to capture your mouth into a heated kiss. You kissed him wantonly, your moans filling his mouth and he greedily swallowed every sound. “Hermosa, please take my cock,” Frankie moaned into your mouth and without opening your eyes you nodded.

Benny continued to thrust up into you in haste as Frankie climbed over the arm of the couch and stood so that he could line his cock up. He ran it along your bottom lip, soaking him in your saliva and waiting for you to open before thrusting into you tentatively. You swallowed around him and he groaned at the sensation of your warmth around him.

Benny kept at you, thrusting harder and faster until you were crying out around Frankie’s cock. Frankie and Benny released their loads into you at the same time and you were close to your own but Benny softened and you lost the peak that was building.

You whined and Santi slapped Benny’s thigh. “Let me at her,” he said while standing up. Benny gently lifted you off of him and you whined at the loss of contact. You let go of Frankie’s cock with your mouth after you had cleaned him of all of his cum. He leaned down and gave you a soft kiss, licking into your mouth slowly and groaning at the taste of himself before he was helping you lie down on the couch. Frankie moved himself off the couch as Santi moved to hover over you and plunged his cock right into you.

Your back arched off the couch as you reached up and grabbed at Santi’s shoulders. “Fuck!” you cried out as Santi fucked into you with reckless abandon. You were soaked between your arousal and Benny’s cum and it made Santi twitch hard as he fucked you mercilessly into the couch. The girth of him stretched you differently than Benny had and you mewled and moaned at the sensations, letting Santi’s name fall from your lips like a chant.

“Please! I need to cum!” you screamed as a burning heat grew in the pit of your stomach and threatened to overtake your entire body. Your begging encouraged Santi as the other three looked on. Benny was already hard and leaking again and when your eyes met his, his hand stroked so hard he came all over the floor with a loud moan. Santi leaned over and bit at your collarbone, causing you to cry out as you clenched down around him, hard.

Your entire body was writhing and pulsating as you came harder than you had in a long time around Santi. That put him over the edge and with a few more solid, hard thrusts into you, he stilled and pushed further into you to spill into you. Within moments you felt the dripping between your thighs and you moaned quietly.

Santi leaned down to capture your moan and his lips slid against yours as he thrusted carefully into you, the burn in his body already growing again. “Pope c’mon man,” Frankie said quietly as he moved to pull Santi off of you. “Gotta give someone else a turn,” Frankie patted Santi’s shoulder firmly as you tried to catch your breath. Santi leaned down for another soft kiss before pulling slowly out of you.

Your body jolted at the sudden loss and both men stopped to stare. “Fuck,” Frankie muttered, causing both Benny and Will to move around to see their view. The cum was dripping steadily from your still fluttering cunt and every pair of eyes was mesmerized by the sight.

“Baby you are making a mess,” Santi said, wanting to lean in and clean you up but you put your hand out as a gesture for all of them to give you a minute. Your breath finally calmed down enough for you to be able to respond.

“I…. did…. nothing,” you panted and chuckled but the laugh made the cum dribble out of you even more and you moaned quietly at the sensation of two of your teammates cum dripping from you. Will’s nose twitched as his hand continued to slowly work his cock. The burn inside him was growing but he was a patient man. Always had been.

You lifted your head to look at them and gave a weak smile. They all looked at you with lust-blown eyes but Santi and Frankie were the ones to give you a smile back. “You okay?” Santi asked, his hand gently grazing your ankle in a caressing motion.

You nodded and looked at him. “Yeah. I think. For now,” you chuckled but soon felt your body heat up again. It was a dull ache but you tried to sit up to quelch it. Santi and Frankie both reached out for your arms to help you sit up. “I think maybe I should go shower,” you mentioned and they both nodded before standing up. Their cocks were at eye level for a moment and you felt your mouth water and wanting them both in your mouth at the same time.

They helped you up and your legs definitely felt like jello. You nearly crumbled and Santi and Frankie looked at each other with worry then looked at you as they tried to hold you up. “I got her,” a stoic low voice came from beside you as Will moved closer. He leaned over and wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up with ease.

You giggled quietly but having his warm body pressed against your was making the fire within you grow again. You tucked your head into his neck and breathed in his scent. You couldn’t help the way your lips pouted and you kissed gently along the skin of his neck. He groaned low in his throat.

“Sweetheart, please,” his voice pleaded before he was in the hall and pressing your back up against the wall slowly. His hands grabbed at you to hold you better as his hips pressed into you.

“Will, please,” you whimpered when his teeth found the side of your neck and sank in. You felt the way he growled against your skin and the fire was spreading wildly through your veins again.

Will grunted as he pulled himself back just enough to stroke as his cock and line himself up. With a slow and steady push, he impaled you and filled you. The girth of him stretched you but the slight sting of pain gave way to even more pleasure as he started to thrust.

Each thrust earned him a soft moan from your lips and he couldn’t help but kiss you. His hands were pawing at your chest, twisting your nipples and he watched as your face contorted in pleasure and you cried out against him. “Fuck! Please! Harder!” you begged and didn’t care who heard you. Besides, it was high time it was Will’s turn. The man was the quiet type, strong and sturdy but with his lack of talking in many of the group settings, you weren’t sure of his opinion of you.

But as he pistoned in and out of him, faster and harder with each snap of his hips up into you, you were pretty sure you knew where he stood in his opinion on you. “Fuck, so tight,” he muttered against your lips as he kissed you bruisingly. A clash of teeth and tongues and lips. It was messy and needy but you wanted more.

Will grabbed at your back, his large hands splayed over your now hot skin as he pulled you away from the wall. He stood in the middle of the hall, his shoulders pulled back as his hands snuck down to try holding you under your legs. You held him around the neck until he had a good hold of you again and it was then that he rocked your world even harder.

He fucked up into you with a relentless pace, hitting that spot within you with ease, his cock moving along the shared juices of yours, his brother’s and Santi’s. But all he could focus on was how wrecked your face looked. Your jaw was slack, seemingly permanently so, your eyes rolling back as your head lolled back in pleasure.

Wanton cries were ripped from your chest as he grunted and held you up. Suddenly you felt a second pair of hands come to your ass and massage the flesh. A scratchy beard appeared at your back as sloppy kisses were given to the skin there. “Que linda,” Santi’s voice came in a growl as he watched you get fucked by Will.

“Santi,” you said breathlessly and Will fucked you harder to get your focus back on him. He captured your lips in a heavy kiss, one that forced your mouth into an “o” shape around his tongue as he greedily licked into you.

Santi was busy watching Will’s cock pump in and out of you, his hands still massaging at your ass. His thumb rimmed the hole of tight muscle, moving with each movement that Will was forcing on your body and you moaned a bit louder. Santi looked up at you. “Do you want to be filled, querida?” he asked and he waited until you nodded.

When you did, you mewled as his thumb pressed against the tight hole, slipping one knuckle in. You cried out even at the small intrusion, the way even just that little motion filled you even more. “More!” you cried out and you heard both men curse under their breaths.

Will fucked you relentlessly still as Santi pulled his thumb out, to which you whined in protest, just so he could spit all over his hand. He used his free hand to try to spread your ass cheeks a bit. “Will, man, stop for a second,” Santi commanded and Will obeyed, holding you down onto his cock.

Santi moved one finger into you and you couldn’t help the pained groan that came from you. “Good?” Santi checked in and when you nodded and bit your lip, he started moving his finger within you. He looked over your shoulder at Will and nodded and Will resumed moving.

You choked out a sound as your entire lower body started to clench up. “Oh, she’s close,” Santi praised, his smirk so evident just in the tone of his voice. He leaned down and bit at the soft flesh of your ass at the same that Will leaned into to bite at your collarbone. The dual biting did you in.

You cried out as they fucked you through your orgasm, both sets of muscles clenching down around them. Your lower stomach fluttered and your chest heaved as your mouth lay open in a pant, your eyes screwed shut. Will was close behind and fucked you through your high until he reached his own. When he pushed up into you, stilled with a groan, Santi stopped moving too.

You finally caught your breath and felt yourself come back to reality. Your body was spent, completely but also completely sated. Will carefully pulled you off of his softening cock and the moment your feet hit the ground, all you could feel was all of their cum slipping down your thighs.

Santi moved with you both and released his hand from you and saw you dripping. “Fuck, you’re a mess,” he muttered in a groan. You nodded, your arms still wrapped around Will’s shoulders. Will grunted and wrapped his arms around your waist, bringing you to your tiptoes so he could walk you back towards the bathroom.

Once in the room, Will and Santi worked together to strip you down, one moving and the other acting as your balancing stabilizer. Your eyes were heavy and your body felt like it was made of jello as you attempted coherent thoughts. You were naked, in a room with two men who you found extremely attractive. One of whom was leading you into the shower that had at some point been turned on.

“You got it?” Will asked softly as his hand lingered on your lower back as you held yourself up with your arm against the shower wall. You nodded slowly, your head feeling heavy. You let the warmth of the water just cascade over your back and tried to let it soothe you.

You tried to let your mind relax but there was a burning ache that felt it was far off in the distance. You could hear Santi and Will talking quietly but the roar of your heart in your ears combined with the water rushing over you made them also seem far away.

As you slowly started to wash up, your soapy hand brushing over your very sensitive clit, you yelped as a bright flame lit within you. “Fuck!”

Will and Santi immediately rushed up and opened the curtain to see you rubbing at your clit furiously. “What is it?! Are you okay?!” Santi asked in a hurried, worried tone.

“I need - fuck! - I need,” you whined as you squeezed your breast with your other soapy hand and felt your nipple immediately stiffen. Will was first to step into the shower behind you. His large hands came over your breasts as he held you against him.

“What do you need? Tell me. We’re here,” he spoke lowly in your ear, nibbling at the flesh as Santi pulled the curtain a bit on the opposite side to watch.

“I need to cum!” you screamed as one of Will’s hands came down behind you and his thick fingers ran through your folds. The fire within you was burning brighter by the second and it was almost painful.

“How do you want to cum? On my fingers or my cock?” Will asked and Santi chewed his lip as he watched you writhe against Will.

“Your face. I need your tongue on me. Now!” With your command, Will turned you and dropped to his knees without hesitation. Santi reached out and put his arm up behind your back so you wouldn’t fall.

Will shoved his face against your cunt, licked a broad stripe through your folds before his mouth closed over your clit. You whined out and Santi quickly slipped himself into the shower behind you. His hands wrapped around your breasts and tweaked your nipples. Your head fell back against his shoulder as the warm water cascaded over your chest and stomach.

Your hips moved against Will’s face as his mouth attached to your clit, his tongue licking and flicking as if you were a hard candy. His hands remained on your hips and he used just his tongue to work you up and within a minute there was a gush coming from you and spilling all over his face.

Santi peeked over your shoulder. “Holy shit baby. You just soaked him and not from the shower water,” Santi told you and turned to kiss your cheek. He was oddly proud and smirked against your wet skin as he whispered more praises into your ear, letting your body come back.

Will stood up and let his face get wet from the shower before he held onto your hips and kissed your chest softly, letting the water run down his face. He stood up and wiped the water off with one hand before looking at your blissed out face. “Are you back?” he asked and when you nodded slowly, both men looked at each other and chuckled. “Are you good? Like do you need more or-?”

You shook your head with a blissed out smile on your face. “I think it’s gone,” you told him and you felt Santi kiss along your cheek and down to your neck. “Though if you keep doing that Santi, I might not ever want you to stop,” you laughed weakly and moved your head to the side to allow him more room.

“Who says I want to stop querida?” he mumbled against your skin and you hummed contentedly. Will took the opportunity to actually wash your body with soft, gentle touches. He washed his own face then looked at you and Santi together and felt a new kind of pull in his chest.

“We could do this again… right?” Will asked softly and both you and Santi opened your eyes and straightened up to look at him. You chewed your lower lip and your head turned to look between the two men as the shower continuously rained down on all of you.

When you didn’t speak, mostly from not being able to find the words, Santi spoke instead. “Yeah man. I mean, if she’s down for it, then I’m down for it. I like you Will, you know that. And you,” he turned to lean in to kiss your cheek again. “I don’t think I could get enough of you now that I’ve had you,” he told you and nuzzled into your neck as his arms wrapped around you again. Will stepped forward and wrapped his arms around both your and Santi’s shoulders together and the three of you sat like that until the water ran cold.

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