#i have a lot of thoughts about what the hellsite has been doing lately and am workin on a backup for snap content

[thenamesblurrito]

Considering the Invasion on Tumblr desktop, does Cybertron have any clowns besides Starscream?

gofdadslfjdhgsldjsfg i've been avoiding going to the dash because of this, i'm only skulking around my own blog pages and haven't seen the cursed thing yet

yknow i'm not actually sure? the concept of entertainer, of fool, of silly over the top performers is there, actually probably more of a Thing on Velocitron, Eukaris, and Lunas 1 and 2 than most Cybertronian cultures, more in regards to rodeo clowns than circus clowns. facepaint is a thing, silly outfits could be replaced by silly kibble and temporary paint jobs. in general i don't think there's much of a cultural phenomenon of a freak show or circus that popularizes clowns? if there is a "silly clumsy stupid" archetype in performance, in today's culture it's most likely to be a junker stereotype that teaches a debateably humorous lesson about the perils of not living in line with the rules. may also end up leaning into the creepy clown aesthetic to demonize junkers a bit...

used to be the position of parody or a jester-kind of performance was more acceptable (depending on the current govt tho, there's absolutely been tyrannical regimes prior to functionism that also did not take kindly to these) but that's not the same as a clown. Micronus Prime is something of the patron god of pranks and lessons hard-learned this way, so you might say he's the deity of clowns? and Airachnid i sort of designed with a circus performer aesthetic in mind so uh. if you'd like to get stabbed, maybe call her a clown?

[erwinsvow]

not to derail at all but i see your kook!reader (cause I love it, and how catty she is) at midsummers and raise you, pogue!reader having to choose between jj and rafe, when the gang decide to ditch the party. she’s there as kie’s +1 and when the whole thing goes tits up reader is stuck between the guy she’s been crushing on for years or the kook king who clearly has the hots for her which she not against.

also, you are genuinely one of my fave writers on this hellsite 😍😍😍 notifications on and every thing

baby i am gonna sob you are SOOO nice. notifs on? i am so beyond flattered. i love u <33 this idea is GOLDEN oh my god the brainrot im having rn. im gonna try to write a little for you but i cant even put it into words

kiara said you'd make the whole thing a lot more bearable. plus, out of your little pogue group, you were her parents' unspoken favorite, so it just seemed natural for you to tag along to midsummers as her plus one.

and as much you loved your best friend and thought the world of her for inviting you, your heart was pounding your chest while you got ready in kie's bedroom, applying make up and curling your hair and putting on your best (and one of your only nice clothes) dress.

dolled up like this, you even looked the part of the kook princess that you were sure was rafe cameron's type.

even the idea of thinking about him, and impressing him or him seeing you like this, felt guilty. it made a painfully acrid taste shoot into your mouth and run through your blood—there was no one your friends hated more than the boy you'd had a crush on for as long as you can remember.

it was stupid, ever even talking to him, getting involved and sneaking off for late night drives in his truck and meeting up in hidden corners where no one else could see. that's all it was though, secret encounters and a few kisses.

you hadn't let it progress further, knowing how your friends would react, knowing how rafe is. you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to tell you you're just like your pogue friends that he hates so much. he doesn't, though, that's what makes this so much harder.

out of all your friends, the idea of one in particular finding out there was or had been or was going to be something between you and rafe made you feel dizzy and uncomfortable all over. jj was always your closest friend, always the one you relied on for everything—he had helped you countless heartbreaks and emotions and moments of doubt.

a small part of you had always thought the two of you would end up together. everyone joked about it, pope and john digging into him for carrying you home when you get too drunk or lost your shoes on the beach, kiara teasing you when she finds out jj slept over your place again.

the idea of either finding out about your attachment for the other made you feel queasy. walking into midsummers with kie, the hem of your yellow dress rustling near your thighs, you thought you were safe since only rafe would be there tonight. you thought wrong.

rafe is talking to you when jj shows up.

"y'look nice." you stare up at him, unsure of what to say. "what? now i can't say somethin' nice?"

"when do you ever say something nice?" you ask, but your smile reveals itself before you can hold it back. rafe looks at you like he could get used to seeing you like this.

"m'always nice to you. i don't know, kid, this is nice. y'should come to the club with me some time." you laugh, looking down at your shoes.

"i don't know about all that-"

"hey, you. mandatory power hour at rixon's. c'mon, princess." you turn to see jj, face bruised and knuckles bleedng. you look back at rafe, and he looks smug, it's only then you notice his messed up hair.

"jayj? what's going on?"

"rafe, i mean this in the most disrespectful way possible, go away. tryna have a talk with my girl here, so-" your face burns.

"m'sorry, your girl?"

"apology not accepted. so if you could direct yourself over there to fuck off, that would be fantas-"

"j, wha- what's going on? how long have you been here?"

"long enough for cameron over here to set his little lap dogs on me. c'mon, i'm getting kie and pope and then we gotta go-"

"but, i, i-" you stop yourself, to think about what to say, when rafe cuts you off again.

"she's not going anywhere, we're having a conversation that you interrupted, fuckin' pogue."

"botherin' pretty girls, yeah, that sounds about right. get it through your thick skull, bud, she's not interested-"

"um, guys-" rafe shrugs, staring back at jj.

"that's not what she said last night. or the night before. so how about you do yourself a favor-"

"fuck's he talking about, princess?" jj looks at you, and you look at him, and then rafe, head spinning.

"yeah, kid, the fuck is he talkin' about?"

the glass in your hand drops and shatters when you faint and fall over.

[whatislovevavy]

8. What Am I Supposed to Do Now?

Jake Seresin x OC (Caledonia Hughes)

WC: 2.8k

Masterlist  Previous Part   Next Part

Warnings: swearing, mentions of smut (18+),  mostly angst

AN: This one’s angsty y’all, not gonna lie. And a bit shorter than the others, but fear not, the next one will be longer :) Thank you @sebsxphia for the encouragement to write this story when it was in development, it means the world <3 Also a big thank you to @royallyprincesslilly for the design of the divider.

Please consider leaving a comment, a tip, or reblogging, leaving likes doesn't do anything on this hellsite. It helps with motivation when writing and the tips help since I’m between jobs at the moment :)

All of my writings will be added to my writing side blog @sophs-writing-nook 

These characters, except for Caledonia and Ella, are obviously not my own. This is an 18+ fanfic, so minors scoot pls. You are responsible for the media you consume. Do not copy, plagiarize, repost, or translate this fic without my explicit permission as it is my own creation. 

Jake pensively hit the backspace button on his phone's touch pad. 

He knew at the back of his mind that he should be telling you this in person.

The swing of the break room door broke him from his stare at his screen.

"Anyways, we're going on a date next Saturday to the aquarium in the city," Bradley said with a small lopsided smirk as he walked in with Natasha and Javy. 

"What's this I hear about Rooster finally getting a woman to go out with him?" 

Rooster flipped Jake off as he got his lunch from the fridge, making Natasha let out a small laugh, and Javy quirk his lip. 

"So what's her name, how'd you meet her?"

Bradley closed the fridge with a click, striding towards the table Jake was settled at. 

"Her name's Ella, she's a grad student at UC San Diego. Met her at that coffee place you recommended last week, got her number, and have been texting since." 

He flashed Jake a grin. 

Jake furrowed his brows, a soft hum leaving his lips. 

It couldn't have been your Ella, could it? UC San Diego was a big school, there was definitely more than one Ella there.

Soon Javy and Phoenix joined them at the table. 

"What?"

Rooster broke him from his deep in thought glance as he softly stirred the left over beef stew.

But at this point, he couldn’t stomach the previously delicious stew you made for him. It only served as a reminder of what he was about to do, and for what he didn’t have the courage to do. 

"Nothing, Caledonia has a friend in her grad program named Ella." 

Bradley’s lip quirked.

“Cali is biochem, right?”

Jake nodded. 

A soft hum left Bradley’s lips, “Yeah, that might be the same one. So, noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with her lately, what's the deal?”

Jake felt his heart freeze.

He shrugged, nonchalantly, trying to exude that same Hangman confidence and bravado.

“Nothing too serious, just helped out with a few things Penny asked me to do for her.”

Natasha almost bent her fork in her hand as his words registered. 

Did he not know how much he meant to her?

Jake could feel her piercing stare, but chose to keep his attention on Bradshaw. 

Javy’s gaze was more marked with the subtle signs of pity as he worked his way through his wrap. 

Jake couldn’t decide which one felt worse. 

Rooster took a bite of his lunch, “ya know, I’ve been meaning to ask, why do you call her by her full name?”

Was it getting hot in here? He wouldn’t be surprised if the answer was yes, considering the time of year. 

If Javy hadn’t known him all these years, he would have missed the flash of panic behind the thick curtain of confidence that was slowly becoming a thin veil. 

He shrugged, “I was always taught to treat women that give me booze with the utmost respect, hence the full name.”

Bradshaw nodded, letting his eyebrows raise, “But what about Penny? You call her Pen all the time.”

Natasha smirked slightly around her forkful of lunch. 

Jake swallowed, “Well, that’s different… I’ve known Penny for a lot longer than Caledonia.”

Rooster leaned back, furrowing his brow, and biting the inside of his cheek. 

“Ok, but why did you leave the Hard Deck with her last week?”

Jake took a deep breath, “She needed help with her car before she headed home. I was at the bartop paying my tab and Penny asked me to help her. What is this anyway? An interrogation? You gonna ask me about every woman I’ve talked to?”

Bradshaw smirked, “Just curious, Bagman, no need to get defensive,�� he put his hands up in surrender, thoroughly enjoying seeing his former rival riled up. 

Javy bit back a smile. 

"Yeah, Bagman, don't need to get your panties in a bunch." 

Natasha smirked as Jake shot her daggers. 

"If I were wearing panties, they would be the most unbunched pair you'd ever seen." 

Jake grumbled, sending a glare to his teammates as they laughed and snorted. 

“Plus, it’s not that way with her. We’re just friends.”

Jake took a spoonful of stew, purposefully avoiding his colleagues unimpressed glances. 

“Right.”

Jake glared as Phoenix took a bite of her sandwich.

“Alright, I think that’s enough teasing. Can’t waste all our material in one day.”

Javy shot him a wink as Jake flipped him off, his remaining colleagues breaking into soft chuckles.

The topic was diverted to the back burner for the time being, to the point where Jake forgot about the text he planned to send. 

Conversation flowed from when the new recruits were coming in, to summer plans, and to different get togethers on weekends planned within their friend group. 

A small sense of panic ran through him as Phoenix suggested that Caledonia be invited to all of their summer plans. Including their Barbenheimer-themed pool and BBQ party in July.

He guaranteed Caledonia wouldn’t want to come if he was there after the message he was typing out was sent. 

Soon it was time to wrap up and head back out to the briefing room and get ready to fly in the latter portion of the day.

Jake took one last pensive glance at his phone.

This is better. For the both of us.

Jaw tensing, he pressed send. 

He cleaned up the rest of his lunch and left the breakroom in a silence coated by the soft buzzing of the overhead lights and the impending crack of broken hearts.

—

A sigh left your lips. 

How could you have been so stupid?

You should have read the label more clearly before measuring it out. 

Your mind swam with detrimental thoughts of the days failed experiment. 

The cells you spent the previous day growing were wasted when you accidentally put too strong of a solvent after the cells were centrifuged.

It also didn’t help that Ella was away presenting at a conference at the other side of the country.

Frankly, you just wanted to go home, take a nice shower, nestle into your sheets, and forget about the frustrating day you got out of. 

A sigh left your lips as you settled into the drivers seat of your car, feeling your frustration dissipate from your body, and be quickly filled with exhaustion.

You bit the inside of your lip as you waited for your phone to turn on and see any messages you missed. 

The thought of texting Jake to see if he wanted to come over crossed your mind. 

A small smile formed at the thought.

Message from well-fed raccoon :) not downloaded.

You opened the app, tapping on his contact icon. 

Your brows furrowed, heart plummeting to the deepest parts of your chest. 

We shouldn't do this arrangement anymore. I'm sorry. 

You couldn't help but read over the two sentences. Over and over again. Hoping, praying, that they would be something different.

A rattled sigh left your lips, letting your eyes clench shut, and head hit your seat. 

Tears pricked your eyes. A dribble quickly turning into a torrential downpour. 

Soon, your car was wracked with the repeated, frenzied collisions of your head against the upholstery of your driver's seat. 

You stopped with one final hit of your head against the faux leather portion of the head rest, feeling your scowl morph into a groan ridden scowl.

Why the fuck did this have to happen?

What was wrong with you? 

Not only did you have to worry about attracting someone, but now you had to worry about keeping them. 

Was it your weight? 

Your busy schedule? 

Did he find out about your depression? Anxiety?

You did your damndest to ensure that Jake knew nothing of that part of you. 

Your lip quivered as you broke into a sob marked by wails and sniffles, no different from that of a wounded animal. 

God, you couldn’t help but feel that this was coming. 

This arrangement; it was all too good to be true. 

You scoffed through your tears. 

You shouldn’t have been so stupid. 

He was called Hangman for a reason. 

Your virginity. Your very first experiences with sex.

Your eyes shut as you realized the gravitas of this risk, only sobbing harder.

What if he had only wanted you because you’d never been with anyone else?

This was absolutely devastating. 

The world was crashing down around you. You couldn’t breathe with how hard you had started crying, unable to help the feeling of violation that invaded your veins like a poison, turning your blood to a thick sludge, making your heart beat like an engine in overdrive to compensate. 

In your blurry eyed, emotionally compromised state, you only wanted to hear one voice.

Penny’s.

She’d understand.

You didn’t want to explain to your mom that you developed a ‘situationship’ with a deadly man and that it bit you in the ass. Hard. 

The familiar rumble of the engine filled your car. You swiped away at the continuously flowing tears and mustered enough energy and a sliver of mental clarity to get home safe. 

—

“Hey, Cali, how was-”

Penny’s word died on her lips.

The sunny San Diego weather backdropped your teary, red eyes and cheeks, curled lips, and tears streaming down your pretty face. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” she strode towards you, encasing you in a hug as you reached out to her, “what’s wrong?”

You sniffled, burying your face into her sweater-clad shoulder.

“Sweetheart, I can’t hear you.”

You lifted your head from her chest. 

“Jake doesn’t want me anymore.” 

Penny’s heart broke at the sight, gently pulling you back to her, wrapping you in her embrace as sobs wracked your body. 

Her heart continued to crack for you with each sob and gasp you let out, gently running her hand through your hair.

You tried not to think about how Jake would do the same thing when he kissed you. 

He used to bring you so much joy, but now you felt hypersensitive to even the thought of Hangman. 

Touching you. 

Speaking to you. 

Looking at you. 

How he cuddled with you when you slept over that one night.

How he made breakfast with you the next morning.

How he knew your favorite flavor of gelato from Francisco’s. 

How he bought you $300 worth of sex toys.

Was this all some kind of sick game to him? 

It made your breathing difficult and skin crawl. 

How could you have let someone in so close, and know every inch of your body?

“Shhh, Caledonia, it’s ok… let it out.”

Penny knew that Hangman had a reputation. Anyone who frequented the Hard Deck knew that.

But she saw the way he looked at Caledonia when she was busy preparing drinks. Or when she was fixing the juke box. Or wiping down tables. 

Penny’s hope for the relationship to succeed was overshadowed by the bubbling sense of anger in her belly. 

How could Hangman do such a thing to you? 

What was your situation with him exactly?

She continued to soothe you. 

“Cali, I’m so sorry… would you want me to call Ella to come over?”

You shook your head, “Ella’s at a conference, and I don’t want to make her worried,” the lump in your throat evident with each break from sniffling.

Penny’s eyebrows furrowed.

You didn’t tell your bestfriend, because you didn’t want to worry her?

Hangman was such an asshole for letting you go. 

To both himself, and you. 

“Ok, I’m going to call Halo and Phoenix and see if they can come over. Ok? Would that help?”

You nodded, lip quivering as another round of sobs made your body crumple against hers. 

“What am I," sniffle, "supposed to do now?” 

Your sob-ridened words made Penny’s heart ache as she watched the bright, beautiful, smart girl she knew be deduced to a sobbing mess.

If she could help it, Hangman wouldn’t be allowed to step foot into her bar without being overboarded. 

So she did the next best thing; holding you in her open doorway as you sobbed into her knitted top.

“It’s ok, sweetheart…shhh… it's going to be ok.”

That only made you cry harder.

—

Jake’s front door opened with a click, taking his shoes off with a soft thud, not bothering to arrange them on the floor with the rest.

He went through the motions of preparing dinner; the last remaining portion of the beef stew you made him.

His jaw tensed at the sight of the transparent hazel and oak bark brown stew staining the sides of the plastic container on the counter.

How was it so easy for something to go from warming the deepest darkest parts of his soul to being the equivalent of lead, coating his insides and making it hard to breathe?

Shouldn’t I be relieved?

Just as he suspected, the stew didn’t bring him the sense of comfort it did only a mere few days ago.

He sighed, languidly twisting and turning his spoon in the stew, moving the typically delectable sauteed mushrooms and tender beef around. 

Now they just made his stomach churn. 

Maybe it wasn’t ever the stew itself that was warm and comforting.

Maybe it was the fact that you were the one who made it.

You.

He continued to absentmindlessly stir, the familiar jingle of keys near the front door meeting his ears. 

“You’re home late.”

Jake’s seemingly dulled down tone made Javy furrow his eyebrows as he continued to undo his shoes. 

“Picked up something for Delilah.”

Jake only gave a small hum. 

“Everything alright?”

Jake took a deep exhale, avoiding his wingman’s gaze.

“Yeah,” he coughed,” yeah, I’m fine just tired.”

Javy stared as he trudged towards the stairs, his bowl of half finished left on the table.

His all too familiar air of confidence was elsewhere. 

As Javy heard Jake’s door shut, his phone buzzed. 

Phoenix: We need to talk. Can you meet at the Hard Deck tomorrow?

—

Jake couldn’t take his eyes off the ceiling as he laid on his bed. 

He should feel relieved. 

Relationships were never his strong suit, meaning he avoided them like the plague. 

He’d done it once, and never again. 

It was too…painful. Heart wrenching. Traumatizing. 

One-night stands were easier. Always easier. 

This arrangement was supposed to be just that. 

He’d help you out, teach you the ropes and then wish you luck on your future relationships. 

That was it. 

He was supposed to move on with his day without seeing things in his everyday life and not think about you. 

Not think, “Caledonia would love this”, or “ This would make her smile.”

You weren’t supposed to have an infectious smile, or a laugh that made him wish for glimpses of a future together, or be able to moan and whine so prettily that he would drown in if he could. 

Your lips weren’t supposed to be soft. Or sweet. Or pretty. 

Hell, you weren’t supposed to look as beautiful as you did in that velvet dress at Admiral Cain’s retirement ball. Or as you walked towards him in his booth at Fransisco’s. Or as you opened the door when he was supposed to teach you how to give a blowjob. Or as you stood before him in front of the mirror in the dressing room of Pleasures of the 3rd Kind.

Or when he first saw your body without the hindrance of clothes. 

But the state of dress, or undress, didn’t change how he saw you.

It was all you.

You. 

He could feel his heart beat faster and cheeks heat as reminisced on his moments with you. 

But those moments seemed to dwarf in comparison to his moments with you outside of your lessons together. 

Getting gelato together. 

Playing cards with Amelia. 

Making up a story to get a 15% discount on sex toys.

Slow dancing with you. 

Feeling your lips on his cheek.

Your soft, tender kisses.

Your warm, safe, secure hugs.

Your infectious, warm laugh that made his chest explode with warmth.

How you cared for him so effortlessly.

The fact you took time out of your busy schedule to care of him when he was sick. 

He hadn’t been taken care of like that since he left home. 

Those moments made him feel some sliver of deservance of your affections. Of your devoted, unconditional love.

He wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

He was supposed to be able to move on with his life, like with every one-night stand he’d been with before. 

Say goodbye to you after he ‘hit and split,” and never think about you again.

Or to never feel the need to think about you again. 

It should have been a relief, cutting off this arrangement with you.

But it wasn’t. 

And he’d have to live with that. 

The fact he was stupid enough, scared enough, and selfish enough to let you go.

To not tell you what he needed to tell you.

Jake could feel his ill placed relief morph into a deep rooted sadness in his empty chest.

Like a spoon scrapping the inside of a pomegranate until there was nothing but rind. 

A rattled sigh left his lips, feeling a lump in his throat begin to settle.

What am I supposed to do now?

Taglist: 

@marvel-hotchner @nemesis729 @a-lil-bit-nuts @justagirllivinginaghibliworld @mizzzpink @themusingofagothicsoul @mayhemmanaged @sebsxphia @potato-girl99981  @a-beaverhausen @withahappyrefrain @hangmans-wingman @callmemana @joalslibrary @peachiicherries @mrsjaderogers @entertainmentgal8@jkbindigo11 @princess76179 @clancycucumber230 @teacupsandtopgun

@chaoticassidy @superskittles @cherrycola27 @nancyxsorbet @h-ngm-ns @emma8895eb @djs8891 @novastories @urmom-999 @taytaylala12 @zombicupcake3 @catsficrecs @abaker74 @kmc1989 @hangmanshoney @caidi-paris @i-wanna-be-your-muse @shara-ne @memeorydotcom

[thetriumphantpanda]

hi charlie! 

to say the vibes have been off lately would be an understatement, wouldn’t it? because there has been a lot of negativity, too much for a place that is supposed to be about finding an outlet for your creativity and people to share your interests.

i know it has been difficult, draining to be around here and face all the discourse cankering the fandom. 

because of all this negativity, i believe it is important to try and balance it out with some kindness. so here i am, doing a little check-up on you <3

so first, how are you, really?

everything you feel regarding what is happening is valid and you deserve to feel happy and safe around here. so please, make sure you take the time you need from posting, from sharing fics, even just from being on the platform. i want you to know it’s okay and i support whatever you decide, for whatever reason.

i also want you to know that you have your place here, as much as the rest of us. you’re loved and wanted and i can assure you the fandom is a far better place with you in it.

i hope you’re taking care of yourself outside of tumblr as well. please remember to stay hydrated and to eat something 🫶🏼

now i would like you to sit back and enjoy the perfect, quiet night in with joel <3

do not hesitate to reach out if you need to talk, i’m here for you! sending you all my love and so many hugs 🫂

anna 💗

Ahhh Anna, this is so sweet of you - thank you for taking the time to try and combat so much of the negativity on here by spreading some love - it's so important!

I have had so many thoughts about what's been going on lately, some of which I'll share here, but I'll put under a read-more so if you're not wanting to read discourse, you don't have to!

I'm going to go and enjoy my quiet night in with Joel, because that would absolutely fix me right now and thank you for sharing that with me. He's making me a cup of tea right now and is going to bring it to me, we'll watch TV and I will continue crocheting a blanket for us to snuggle up under!

Take care of yourself Anna, and thank you for always being kind and wonderful on here!

If you've been around here a while, you'll know that I rarely, if ever, get involved and wade into the discourse that floats around often. It's not because I don't care, it's because this blog has, and always will be, my way to escape the pressure of my real life. I have enough personal drama to contend with outside of the internet, and I very rarely want to allow it to bleed into the one space I have where I can escape for some peace.

That being said, it has become harder and harder for me to ignore the absolute storm of shit that has been swirling these past weeks. My friends and mutuals having their works blatantly stolen and then receiving hate when calling this out. People I look up to and whose writing I enjoy being attacked for presenting certain kinks. The insane rise in anon hate being spouted not just here, but across other sites as well. It's all too much and it all has to stop.

The people on this site create fic because they enjoy it. They graciously and selflessly write thousands of words for your enjoyment, for free might I add, without asking for very much in return. They write often around full-time jobs, school work and through personal and health issues. They agonise over making sure their work is as good as they can make it. They don't owe you anything, we don't owe you anything. We do this because we enjoy it, but the current climate on this absolute hellsite is making the enjoyment really fucking hard to find these days.

Be kind to each other. Stop hiding behind the cloak of anonymity to spew hate and be mean. Stop stealing other people's work. If you come across a fic that has warnings or themes that aren't your cup of tea, stop reading and walk away. Take a step back and think about what will happen if writers are continuously driven off this site.

[neuroticbookworm]

Current Tag Game

Tagged by my dear friends/mutuals/incoherent scream sesh partners @twig-tea (here), @colourme-feral (here), @blmpff (here), @telomeke (here) and @waitmyturtles (here)

Current Time: nearly 5:00 PM

Current activity: Doomscrolling on social media (not recommended), writing this post (highly recommended, please interact on Tumblr, that's what makes this hellsite fun!)

Currently thinking about: Just watched the IFYLITA finale this morning with my bestie @lurkingshan, so my brain is currently ??????-ing all the different iterations of Yai we got to see (I like that Commander Yai looks more self-assured and confident than our widdle-20-something-lost-and-confused-baby Yai, but, DEAR LORD, The Mustache has to go. Just.. nope. Get that man a razor, STAT). Oh, and also, thinking about dinner.

Current favourite song: I recently watched Utsukushii Kare / My Beautiful Man (Season 1) a few days ago and I have the song from the opening credits stuck in my head on repeat: Caramel / カラメル by Mosawo / もさを。(Original MV with English captions)

(I'm also gonna link the Utsukushii Kare Lyric MV from MBS because I want Kiyoi's pretty face on my post)

I've also been feeling nostalgic lately and listening to some decade-old bangers from my teen years (ah time, thou art a cruel wench)

Patakha Guddi lyrics, translated from Hindi, here

Mogathirai lyrics, translated from Tamil, here

Currently reading: Nothin' but meta posts from the lovely big-brained folks of Tumblrville

Currently watching: Oooooh. I actually wrapped up a lot of live watches and caught up on some incredible shows last week, so lemme do 3 mini-lists:

Recently Watched: Only Friends, Utsukushii Kare / My Beautiful Man, If It's With You / Kimi to Nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo, I Feel You Linger In The Air

Currently Watching: Midnight Diner / Shinya Shokudo, endless reruns of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Community

Next-Up on the Watchlist: I Cannot Reach You / Kimi ni wa Todokanai, Shadow, Dark Blue Kiss, Middleman's Love, Last Twilight, Playboyy, The Whisperer

Current favourite character: Ryuji from If It's With You.

< mild spoilers ahead for If It's With You >

This show did an incredible job portraying two people who have different levels/intensities of desire for one another and I was *floored* when Ryuji responded to Amane's confession in episode 4 with so much care, thoughtfulness and respect for both Amane's desire and his own boundaries. "Please make it one sided for a while" will live in my head rent free for the foreseeable future.

And Amane and Ryuji's conversation at the beach in the finale was another heartfelt and expertly written moment. I deeply adore how Ryuji basically went "I miss you and want to meet you whenever I feel like it, and if that means being a lover, then so be it. Let's date".

So yeah, I'm in love with this highly articulate, fictional, Japanese teenage boy

Current WIP: Ohhhhh man, SO MANY. The most pressing one is a retrospective meta on the Only Friends finale, which I must release into the wild before people move on from the show

Tags: I'm epically late to this one, so I might tag folks who have already done this, so if I do, apologies, friends!

@bengiyo, @italianpersonwithashippersheart, @sunshinechay, @syrena-del-mar, @ranchthoughts, @troubled-mind, @sorry-bonebag, @so-much-yet-to-learn and anyone else who wants to participate. No presh!

[benoitblanc]

hey arwen, long time no see!! hope you're doing well! 💜

i know nothing about txf besides what i've gleaned from this hellsite which is a) mulder is a lovable idiot, b) scully both loves him (almost against her will??), and c) they literally invented shipping BUT tell me about your top 5 txf episodes!!!

hi mitali i have been EXTREMELY patchy on here lately haven't i lol. local woman appears on tumblr to write ten meta posts about the x files and then disappears again! i'm doing okay; my real life has been kind of chaotic (had to last-minute cancel a trip i have been desperate to go on for years so :/ but! on the bright side it means i get to see my flatmates sooner than i thought and i miss them even though i've been gone from my flat for like a week and a half lol). how have you been???

those are very accurate txf vibes but i will say that scully is a very active and willing participant in being in love with mulder even though he can be very very stupid at times lol. i hope you watch it someday- i think it would be right up your alley! kind of similar doctor who ecological niche of being weird, heartfelt, politically relevant sci-fi with no consistent quality or tone.

ANYWAY. top 5 txf episodes, bearing in mind that i've technically only watched up until the end of the fourth season so far; i'm just a ho for spoilers:

pusher (3.17)... what can i say about pusher that i haven't said already. a lot, probably, because every single day i log on here and i see someone's written new meta about pusher that makes the entire show make more sense. it's just... it's txf distilled to its barest elements. it's about trust and codependency and a supernatural force that is made all the more unsettling by the fact that at its core it is just some guy. it's funny and terrifying and heartfelt all at once. the russian roulette scene changed television

clyde bruckman's final repose (3.04) is also just so txf. darin morgan (the writer) tended to write episodes that were so absurdist they wrapped back around to satirical, but this is far and away my favorite of his because it's not too bonkers. i love coprophages and from outer space especially, but clyde bruckman is a little more grounded, and it manages to be sarcastic and sincere in equal measure. and i love when scully gets to solve the mystery

irresistible (2.13), which is famous for being pretty much the only txf episode where there isn't actually an x-file. and it's SO fucked up. it is hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire sh- well. besides the episode that they banned from reruns for like a decade for being so fucked up, it's hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire show

beyond the sea (1.13) and paper hearts (4.10) are thematic sisters so i'm keeping them together. they're both about choosing to move past grief instead of wallowing in it and choosing the future over the past. so what if a criminal says they can give you the answers you've spent your whole life chasing? what matters is that you're at your partner's hospital bedside when he wakes up from an injury, or that you save a little girl's life

right now? probably ice (1.08), because i just rewatched it with my flatmate (who is going through s1 for the first time and is almost as obsessed as i am). it's like if midnight doctor who and the thing had a baby. normally i think this slot would go to duane barry/ascension/one breath (2.05/2.06/2.08) or nisei/731 (3.09/3.10), which are the tightest, tensest episodes relating to the show's overarching mythology

honorable mention goes to elegy (4.22) because the a-plot is a very 90s depiction of neurodivergence and it's not the best-handled thing i've ever seen, but the character showcase of scully in the b-plot gave me fucking brain worms. i cannot stop thinking about it. it's haunting.

also, memento mori (4.14). vince gilligan and gillian anderson you're splitting my therapy bill

ask my top 5/10 anything!!!

[tavina-writes]

Thank you to @nemainofthewater for tagging me! This feels like it's fun but also yes, very long, so I will also stick this under some cut tags lol.

1. why did you choose your url?

To be perfectly honest, Tavina is a character that middle school me came up with for a novel (The full name is Tavina Arax Vale which. Is the most middle school of OC names truly.) Nowadays it's like: I'm Tavina and I write so!

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

tavinafanfiction and tavina-hanfu. I feel like these are self explanatory but I also don't...use them. For many reasons mostly I'm lazy and I assume everyone wants to see all my posts anyway!

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

At least 10 years. I grew up here. I think my oldest post and or reblog is from April 2018, but I've been on here for much much longer.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I don't! Occasionally I remember to put stuff in there but most of the time I just reblog stuff when I see it.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

To be honest, I have no idea. To write poetry maybe?

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

This is an Ibuki Satsuki painting I thought was pretty and Ibuki has illustrated a bunch of cnovels that I enjoy.

7. why did you choose your header?

To be honest I thought it was pretty and it was a fun place I visited!

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

It's that one where I cry about writing, which has just passed 10k somehow, miraculously.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

a number greater than five. But honestly I have no idea is this something people know/can check?

10. how many followers do you have?

437

11. how many people do you follow?

355

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Probably? I don't make lots of original posts. I guess the crying about writing post is a shitpost?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I spend too much of my life on this hellsite (affectionate) so much so that my sense of humor is permanently altered.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Yeah. I mean. Did we see the dust up last week that I'm still questioning my sanity about lmao lolsob.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

I don't really reblog those.

16. do you like tag games?

Oh I love them! it is so so hard for me to remember they exist.

17. do you like ask games

I love them and I am so bad at answering asks. I try! but uh, my askbox is very hefty.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Perhaps @mikkeneko? I see you around in the wild! Also @thebiscuiteternal perhaps?

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

No

20. what is the last song you listened to?

Burning Desire by Lana Del Rey. It just came up on my youtube suggested.

21. what are you currently watching?

The Story of Minglan with @autumnslantern. It's the 8th or 9th time I've seen these episodes and the first time Lantern's seen them!

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?

ALL

23. what is your current relationship status?

Single.

24. what is your current obsession?

YARN YARN YARN YARNNNN

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

uhhh lets see:

Tu Honggang's 武家坡 which has me in a death grip

I Love You So F***ing Much by the Glass Animals

Cacophony by Paris Paloma

Poor Sweet Me by Lucette

化 by 西游乐队

random cycling of Mao Buyi songs.

Side Story of the Fox Volant Soundtrack

The Sound of Snow Falling/Yanxi Palace Soundtrack

Mermaids by Florence and the Machine

Tagging @cerusee, @dangermousie, @saiditallbefore, @thebiscuiteternal, and anyone else who sees this and wants to play!

[rogalion]

Skew-T graphs will be the death of me

hi if you thought i’d strictly post art here well you’re DEAD WRONG and i am an UNHINGED METEOROLOGY MAJOR so here we fucking go hellsite

before i even get to the behemoth that is a Skew-T I have to talk about the previous lab I did so let’s talk about SOUNDINGS from a RADIOSONDE.

Every day at 0000UTC and 1200UTC here in the united states if a NWS station has enough helium and/or budget to do so they launch a WEATHER BALLOON. 

ATTACHED TO THESE IS A VERY IMPORTANT STYROFOAM BOX called a RADIOSONDE. They collect all the data as the balloon goes up including pressure, altitude, wind speed, temperature, dew point depression, a lot of important things. The data they collect is collectively called a SOUNDING and the raw data looks like this: 

72235 TTAA 67121 72235 99000 21017 19009 00089 ///// ///// 92761 16015 19531 85482 14650 20036 70094 05873 21528 50576 12560 25060 40742 25746 25061 30944 42759 24566 25064 49769 25586 20209 54583 25588 15390 61181 26582 10638 67979 26553 88119 67779 24568 77176 26099 41116 31313 58208 81106 51515 10164 00000 10194 19530 20031= and so on there are like two other parts that look a lot like this.

I’m not gonna tell you how we decode these but basically at required pressure levels such as 1000, 925, 850, 700 hPA, etc. it tells us the temperature, dew point depression, altitude in geopotential meters/decameters, wind direction, and wind speed. The next two parts say the same stuff but at more levels and are more specific.

ALL THAT SHIT gets put on THIS FUCKER.

THIS IS CALLED A SKEW-T DIAGRAM.

i have to plot DATA on THIS for my lab due TOMORROW which is already late because I missed two crucial days in class due to mental health and my dog being sick so I’ve been taking notes on them ALL WEEKEND.

I love data as much as the next STEM major who loves data, but which dumbass decided that we were gonna make a menace of a graph that tries to fit as much information in a single goddamn thing as possible? I have no clue. Here’s what you get to know about this.

The horizontal lines with labels in the middle of them reading numbers like 1000, 950, 900, in intervals of 50 and using hectoPascal units are ISOBARS. These are lines of constant pressure and in meteorology we use these because pressure levels are far more relevant than altitude, and how high or low they are moves around so it’d get even more confusing even quicker if we actually used height (which we do but not right now I have enough on my plate).

The diagonal orange lines with the positive slope (so they point like [ / ] ) are called ISOTHERMS. If you’re already catching on you’ll figure these are lines of constant temperature which in this diagram is in degrees Celsius labeled I think within the respective isotherm here. The labeling schemes are not actually standardized which makes me want to strangle someone but I better get over that fast because there’s a lot of shit like that in meteorology. USUALLY they’re labeled at the bottom of the chart but not here because fuck me i guess.

Those are the easy ones. NOW I GET TO TALK ABOUT ADIABATS.

oh my god are they even. where the fuck are my dry adiabats. OH GOD I HAVE TO SQUINT

The very faint orange lines in the background that like, fuck, how do I describe them. The faint orange lines that look like they’re perpendicular to the isotherms (they are not) but are actually curved like the bottom half of the letter C are called DRY ADIABATS. These are lines of CONSTANT POTENTIAL TEMPERATURE. What the fuck does that mean? GOOD QUESTION. 

Dry Adiabats indicate the rate of change of the temperature of a parcel of dry air rising or descending adiabatically, meaning with no loss (or gain) of heat by the parcel. For each multiple of 10 degrees C, that Dry Adiabat shares its label with the respective Isotherm reflecting the temperature of its point of intersection with the 1000 hPA isobar. If your eyes glazed over and you didn’t understand a word I just said, that’s fine. Me neither.

So what’s constant potential temperature? It’s constant temperature we THINK it is. So that line could, potentially, represent that temperature. Maybe. I love science.

The green lines that make a really stretched out S sometimes, I don’t know how to describe these, these are called SATURATION ADIABATS, or MOIST ADIABATS, or SATURATION PSEUDO-ADIABATS. Nothing is standardized and I am suffering immeasurably. They represent lines of constant equivalent potential temperature. What the fuck does THAT mean? 

GOOD QUESTION! They represent the rate of change in temperature of a rising parcel of saturated air, assuming all condensed water vapor is liquid and falls out as the parcel rises (this is known as the pseudo-adiabatic assumption). Before you ask, I don’t know either. Pseudo-adiabatic dude just trust me.

Saturation Adiabats are labeled with the celsius temperature value of its point of intersection with the 1000 hPa isobar, and they share that label with the dry adiabats and isotherms.

Finally, the dashed lines with the positive slope are called SATURATION MIXING-RATIO LINES. AKA: HUMIDITY MIXING-RATIO LINES. They represent constant values of water vapor capacity, meaning the number of grams of water per kg of dry air required to saturate said air at a particular temperature and pressure. They’re confusingly and terrifyingly labeled at the bottom of the diagram with a range of 0.1 g/kg to 40g/kg in parts of water vapor per 1000 parts of dry air. Because the vapor capacity of air varies non-linearly with temperature, the intervals for labeling these are NOT uniform.

Congrats that’s all the lines, here’s a image that tells you that quicker and better:

oh yeah and on the right side Wind is plotted somewhere just like it is in any other weather station plot with the flags and the staff in the direction the wind is coming from etc. etc. yeah. 

I wrote this while procrastinating on this exact assignment I had to decode a sounding and now I have to plot the temperature and dew point lines on one of these fuckers see y’all later for another stupid weather rant wahoo if im wrong on anything I’m sorry mostly to myself because that means I’m about to fail this lab bye bye

[miercolaes]

okay. so i have been thinking about you in general for a while now, but the fact that it’s nye (well, nyd for me! i’m living in the future!!) prompted me to finally message you. you are one of my favourite people on this silly little site, and i really, really mean that. your writing is spectacular, your posts about wednesday are always so passionate and detailed, and i just really really adore everything you’re doing with her. and that you’ve kept it up even after the wednesday rpc died. i am so glad you didn’t die with it!! i’ll never forget the day you messaged me about being affiliates, because when the message popped up on my phone, i was literally watching jenna ortega in a show on television. in that. exact moment. and seeing her made me think of you, and i remember thinking to myself ‘when this is over, i’m going to pluck up the courage and ask veronica if she’d like to be affiliates.’ but you beat me to it! i know we don’t get to write or chat heaps these days, (and that’s purely on me bc i have been so slack lately), but i hope you know that i treasure every single conversation, every single thread we’ve ever written. you’re such a special person, and i’m so so lucky to know you. you’re so talented, thoughtful and kind, and i!!! i hope that 2024 is everything you hope it will be, and more!

as always, i'm going to put a uno reverse on you and i'm afraid i might have to use the read more function.

frankie my beloved! words can't even begin to describe how grateful i am for you being part of my silly life. believe it or not, it's been almost a year since we've became mutuals on this hellsite (it was 20th january, according to my previous blog) and honestly? i have no idea when the time has passed. but i want you to know that i treasure you and any of our interactions so much, be it ic or ooc.

now i gotta admit it's lowkey hilarious how that specific conversation went down. and i'm here to say : GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE. otherwise, i can't phantom how we both thought of the same thing at the same time. i can assure you i am not some kind of mind reader, the only tricks i can pull (and poorly, at best, may i add) are ones with cards. therefore, the only valid explanation is that we have great minds that maybe share one brain cell.

joke's aside, this is now my time to tell you something i've been meaning to for a while now. i've admired you and everything you do for that matter ever since i found your janessa blog. and btw, in my mind your janessa is an oc. like, i know i follow many other wonderful people writing eleven / jane, but i swear my brain can't comprehend that it's the same character. and particularly your version of janessa is something else. you got me to the point i actually think stranger things' el birth name is janessa. still baffled that it isn't. but i only know of janessa, written by the one and only frankie. i am so glad i gathered the courage to ask you to be affiliates because, first and foremost, you helped me a lot when it came to understanding how my own version of wednesday works. but wait, there's more!!! i hope you won't take this the wrong way, and hopefully i'll phrase it accordingly, but i was and still kind of am intimidated by you and what you do writing - wise. not in a im afraid of interacting with you, but moreso i am in awe at everything you do. i can see you put a lot of thought in janessa and what comes out is just too beautiful to be true (and it is true??). you're a bloody brilliant writer and tbh you inspire me to delve deeper into my own characters. i adore everything you do, but even if you weren't, who you are seals the deal. you're an amazing friend and icb this hellsite made it possible that i got to meet you.

it doesn't matter when you respond to me. it doesn't matter what you do with your blogs. because no matter what, as long as you'll have me, your local cryptid, i will follow you into the infernal pit and back. while it's true that i love wednesday and janessa interacting, i treasure the vero and frankie ones more. no matter how frequent it is. i'm glad i've met you. and you won't be getting rid of me easily (this is a direct and immediate threat btw). whether we'll pull a mind reading again or just chill, i'm looking forward to it all. i love you and your brand and i'm glad you too survived the stranger things purge that keeps on coming and going lmao

[always-andromeda]

just some thoughts that I've been having as of late; or, reflections on this year and the year to come.

I vividly remember one of the first appointments I had with my therapist at the beginning of this year. We did a lot of talking about how I would attempt to grow this year. After unpacking years of trauma, frustration, and sadness, I was ready to make my life into something more. See, ever since I turned eighteen, I felt stuck. Stuck with people who I didn't fit in with. Stuck in a life that I hated. Stuck being a person that I wasn't happy being. And that was a feeling that no matter how much I verbalized it, almost no one understood.

I was always told that that's just how life is. You find a place that doesn't make you completely content but you wedge yourself there because, hey, it could always be worse! And you might as well take the crumbs that you can. Because...it's not like you could ever really get more than that...right?

This year was the year I decided to reject that idea. I decided I wasn't going to be the person that was the most convenient to people who didn't actually care. And, god, that has been a difficult choice to make consistently.

Because there is a strange, melancholic sort of comfort to sticking to what you know. Even if what you know will ultimately smother you completely. You cling to the ease in which misery flows through the ridges of your brain. You know the twists and bends of these treacherous waters well.

And sometimes I have no clue how I willed myself to not submit to that fate. I think I was just tired. I was sick of everything slipping through my hands. I was sick of not having anything or anyone that I could hold onto. I was sick of being stuck in myself.

I made a lot of strides this year. Ones that I never thought I'd be alive long enough to see. I made new friends, said hello to old ones that I thought I'd lost, got closer to the parts of my family that truly matter, started going to school again, and I finally started writing again. And as a creative, that last one is the one that flabbergasts me the most.

For two solid years, I didn't write. And then suddenly I did. And now I have this. I never thought I'd be saying this in the year of our lord, 2022, but this place...it did indescribable things for me. I would've made it through this year fine regardless, but this platform truly showed me little glimmers of magic that I never thought I'd see. Whether it be the friends I've made here or the fics I've shared or the people who've supported that work in whatever capacity they can...I appreciate all of it more than I think I'll ever be able to express. Truth told, I have never been able to fathom a world where people actually gave a bit of a fuck about what I have to say. When you minimize yourself as much as I have in the past, you have a hard time seeing yourself as having any value at all. But being here with all of you on this silly hellsite is one of the many things this year that has shown me that I do have worth.

Now, don't get me wrong. Things are still tough. But such is life. I will learn these new twists and bends as I always have. I will always be changing and growing and adapting to whatever the universe has to throw at me. But, for some reason, I don't have it in me to worry about it anymore. I don't have that all consuming dread for the future. And maybe that's naive of me.

But I think it's because I am beginning to know myself more than I ever have. I know my experiences. I know my heart. I know who I am. I don't know who I'll be a year from now. But there's something exciting in that now. There's no more fear and worry that I'll be stuck. Because regardless of who I am a year from now, I have myself exactly as I am right now. And for once, I am happy with that.

Thank you, everyone for caring about anything I have to say. Truly, my work is an extension of myself. And to know that the art that I hold so close to my heart can be loved and enjoyed means the absolute world. I hope that in the year to come, I can keep that fire burning. I hope that I can continue to explore and share more of myself. And I hope that wherever you all are at, you're being kind to yourself. I hope that you can find solace in existence. I hope that whatever challenges life gives you, you can manage them. Because I promise you, even if you don't think it does, your presence matters. In it's own way, your existence means something. We all just have to find it.

Happy New Years, folks.

Love, Meda <3

[pikolswonderland]

are u still working on GoBB as above so below? I saw your posts a few days ago, and thought they were really interesting! But noticed you haven’t done anything with it for a while.

Heya, sorry I'm late to responding to this. I feel like I should really go in more detail with this right now because I know everyone here who was following me for AASB and GoBB in general are confused as to where I have been.

CW// Bit of a vent

Yeah, I am indeed still working on As Above So Below, I’m just taking a break from GoBB for right now. I haven’t been super motivated to work on AASB for a bit now since there hasn’t been a lot of updates on Chapter 8 as of right now and I've been hyperfixated on other stuff. I feel like the Euphoric Brothers are also taking GoBB a bit more slowly as well, as the release days for the games have been getting father and father apart from each other as the games have been getting bigger.

I've been pretty burnt out on AASB and GoBB in general as of late, and I've been more hyperfixated on TMNT and Pokémon. As stated in that post I've been really struggling on making my redesigns for the characters in AASB, committing to a design is always really difficult for me in my experience in character design (ESPECIALLY with more complex designs like my redesigns for AASB). I have, however, come up with an idea for my designs that I think would really elevate them that I haven't really seen in other GoBB redesigns. Another thing with AASB that I am struggling to finish is the story, since GoBB is still currently an ongoing story, there are plenty of changes I am going to be adding as time goes on (I DO have a rough outline of events, characters, and the beginning and ending). Overall, the main reason I haven't been working on AASB is because of creative block and my stupid ADHD brain.

I often feel self-conscious about things like this, procrastinating on things and feeling like I'm betraying everyone by not doing anything, especially when i comes to updating with new content for something I know people are interested in. I get I don't have to owe anyone here on this hellsite anything, this is my creative project I'm doing for my own enjoyment. I forget that sometimes, and I'm trying my hardest to not.

However, I am currently working on another long explanation post similar to my one on the plot and the one on GV. I won't be revealing what this lore post is about just yet, so I hope you'll be looking forward to it once it comes out!

So, yeah. AASB is far from over, it's just on a bit of an undetermined hiatus for now. Thank you to everyone who has supported me with AASB so far now, I appreciate all of you! You can also keep sending in asks about AASB, I'll get to them eventually. I just hope everyone here can still be a little patient.

[foxbox23232]

Hey I just wanted to share as encouragement. Never underestimate the power of telling the truth. This man used to i guess have a crush on me in middle school on the bus he told me. I thought it was funny or whatever nbd and then decided to tell him my testimony randomly and probably decided to based on his posts because we are in the end times and people are more depressed and suicidal more than EVER BEFORE. At the time he gave a pretty unbeliever response. I just spoke with love and was on my way and stopped bothering him. Maybe year or so ago. Nothing weird or anything just sharing the gospel. Recently he started posting about the gospel and it just goes to show it’s not really about you. It’s about how deep they want to go. It’s about if they want to know the Truth or not. It has pretty much nothing to do with you 99% of the time. But I’ll tell you what, being honest, open, and loving really does make a difference in conversations. And really reveals and reflects biblically Gods heart for his people.

I’ve actually been seeing a lot of posts about Jesus lately and I do try to comment or whatever I see about it and of course I make posts about Jesus. Facebook is probably the least demonic social media for some reason probably because we actually talk, learn, have discussion, don’t jump the gun like twitter, probably the best social media if you’re a Christian or like learning IMO I’ve been seeing a lot of people I know come forward about their republican beliefs or Jesus as well. I also really enjoy tumblr because you can post whatever you want and collect things you learn about. I like how it has nothing to do with anyone you really know if you don’t want it to. I like how you’re free to express yourself on here. I know this website is kind of known as a “hellsite” but TBH it is what you make your blog about.

This man is also schizophrenic and although I want to be the one to help him I also know depending on how bad he wants the truth God could just do it and totally heal him and deliver him from that demonic spirit. And FYI science says there is no cure for schizophrenia but it is 100% curable with God. And instantly too… which again is impossible according to science. So ya science is good for nothing maybe?

[darael]

Oooof, there's some serious problems with that essay (its examples hold up only if you assume that the specific problem that may have been alleviated was the only moral dimension to the situation and actions in question, and in only one of those cases was that true¹) and it doesn't really describe what's happening here anyway. It's not that people think, as proposed by this idea of Copenhagen ethics, that observing and acknowledging the existence of a problem makes them culpable. If they thought that, they'd be trying to ignore or deny the genocide, because under the Copenhagen interpretation not acknowledging it would keep them pure of culpability.

No, this is a matter of people conflating the (true, valid, useful) idea that there is always something beyond the dichotomy with the (film-script, fiction) notion that The Third Option must necessarily be easy and pure. As we who are discussing this know, it often isn't. It's often the hardest of all, and has problems of its own. Because like @deadnotsleeping413 said, there is at least theoretically third option here besides one of the two genocidal maniacs becoming president… but as the sarcasm indicates, it isn't pure or easy. In fact, it's so not-easy that it is far too late to make it happen before the choice must next be made.

I saw it said on the formerly-blue hellsite(derogatory) that "if the choice is between Hitler and Mussolini the answer is to destroy the government", and the thing is that there does come a point where that's true — but you'd better be damned sure that you will actually do so, and in a way that doesn't manage to be worse than either by preserving the attitudes that created them while also making a whole lot of extra suffering along the way, and those using pithy lines to equivocate the outcomes don't have a plan or even much intent to do anything besides wait for someone else to do the revolution for them.

Consequentialist ethics are great (if you're sensible about them, and realise that you have to temper them with at least enough intentionalism to use the consequences that could reasonably be foreseen rather than what happens regardless of predictability), but you have to consider all the consequences of all the options. If something is a consequence of all your choices, then you need to make it a non-factor in that decision. That doesn't mean you can't affect it — it means you are looking at the wrong decision point from which to do so. That's why the people scolding those voting uncommitted in primaries to express their displeasure at Biden's support for Israeli atrocities are being just as ridiculous as the ones intending to abstain from the general — the former are pretending that the choice in the primary is the same choice as the one in the general with the same outcomes, and the latter are pretending that the choice in the general is the only one. Both groups are pretending there's only one point at which a decision is made.

You are, each and every one of you, a unique and nuanced person. You contain multitudes. You can, should, and — I guarantee — do care about multiple things, which sometimes appear to be in conflict. No, not just "appear": sometimes, in practical terms even if not in ideological ones, they are in conflict. But the way you reject the dichotomy of "bad thing A or bad thing B" isn't to make a single third choice that produces neither A nor B: it's to reject the dichotomy of choose now or never. If you can't use this moment to prevent both, look for another moment you can use on one of them, and use your choice now to work on the other.

And to those reading who have a third option that will actually improve things overall and necessitate not choosing the furthest-left of the way-over-to-the-right set of actually viable candidates in the meantime… please do tell me what it is and how you plan to achieve it (even if that's just "by doing what this specific other person, who has a better plan than I can come up with because I am just one Internet rando, says"). I'd love to know. I won't be implementing it in the next US elections because I am neither a citizen nor a resident of that country, but maybe I can adapt it to my own.

1: two examples: criticism of Uber is not actually based exclusively on their use of surge-pricingprice-gouging, but also on their constant skirting of regulations, blatantly anticompetitive businesses practices, and mistreatment of "independent contractor" employees-in-all-but-name and customers alike; and PETA's "go vegan to get your bills paid" stunt had more dimensions to it than just that of bill payment. The only one that actually holds up under even a moment's thought is the case of tracking nonparticipants in a programme that was already operating at capacity, and calling them a control group.

You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".

Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 178

Many Happy Returns/The Empty Hearse

“Many Happy Returns”

Plot Description: John and Lestrade try to move on with their lives after Sherlock’s apparent death. However, Anderson believes he’s still alive

I didn’t WANT to have to go to youtube to actually find Many Happy Returns, but it’s apparently not on my dvds, which is bullshit

Would you consider Anderson to be the original Charlie Day meme because we used him in these episodes as a “person goes mad over complicated theories” meme first? Or would would whichever episode came out first (Always Sunny) to be the origin of the meme? Or neither because I feel like people have been going mad over complex theories for a LONG long time

Poor Greg getting absolutely RIPPED APART and so CASUALLY by Anderson

Oh these poor boys. They’re very awkward together because the thing that held them together WAS Sherlock. It’s like that episode of New Girl where Schmidt and Winston have to hang out together without Nick…except in this case, they both think Nick is dead instead of………on a date? Maybe? I dunno, it’s been a while since I watched it

Does John just have a degradation kink? Sherlock, on a video for John’s birthday (though this is the uncut version), went on and on about how all of John’s friends hate him, how he wrote a paper on that sort of thing based on spending time with John and his friends, and all John did after is ask him again to stop being dead……..

“The Empty Hearse”

Plot Description: Mycroft calls Sherlock back to London to investigate an underground terrorist organization

The bungee cord, the hypnotist, Sherlock kissing Molly…this is all just very absurd

Oh PLEASE. The height difference between Jim and Sherlock alone should prove that Sherlock’s corpse wasn’t Jim with a mask…

It’s weird to have Greg tell Anderson that all his theories are guilt over what he and Donovan did. Because…it likely IS but also HE’S RIGHT, at least that Sherlock’s been behind a lot of foreign cases getting solved lately and that his death was faked. Maybe not the exact way it happened but still. I wish they explored Anderson’s guilt more without us knowing…thought, that WOULD be difficult to sell. The series is called Sherlock and how do you have season three without the title character?? Anyway…

God. How did I forget about the mustache???

I’ll never not be in favor of things in languages I don’t speak, but mannnn do my eyes hate reading subtitles on my tv screens. The squinting I have to do…

Oh. Mycroft didn’t just CALL Sherlock back. He went to whatever Eastern Europe prison Sherlock was in and, posing as some kind of authority figure there, dragged him out himself. There is a DIFFERENCE

John deciding to…visit? 221b…I don’t like how confused Mrs Hudson was to see him. He stayed in touch to some extent with Greg but not Mrs Hudson?

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING!!! Mycroft is MUCH more likely to make calls and decisions to get shit done, not go out and do it himself. That’s what he has spies and Sherlock for. Though, you can’t exactly SEND Sherlock to retrieve Sherlock

I love that Sherlock’s accusing Mycroft of enjoying watching him get beat up in prison. For all the pain Sherlock has caused his brother, let him enjoy it a little

Yeah……..she’s pissssssssed at him. Omg she’s so passive aggressive about it.

Obviously. You’re bi, John. Happy Pride. It’s nearly over now

Ok there’s near NO WAY you could have known that…you literally just walked in

When we call John unobservant…or, well, Sherlock does…this restaurant scene is the epitome. He wants John’s attention SO BAD. And John WILL NOT LOOK AT HIM

The music building as John stands there frozen in anger before he can actually speak

Sherls, girl, you GOTTA learn to read the room. This was not a “lighten the mood by mocking the mustache” kind of moment. He’s very right to throttle you

I don’t care. The number of restaurants they get kicked out of is absolutely hilarious. Martin Freeman’s “THIS BITCH” face when Sherlock asks John for his help after all the past two years of silence and this entire night…unmatched

Greg just lost a bet with Anderson…he’s so happy to see Sherlock

Oh god…is this the Sheriarty theory? I wanna befriend that girl. Or at least find her ao3. It ISSSSSSS

God I miss Jim

I wish they’d done better by Mary. I love how she is in this episode. I love her teasing John about Sherlock

Mycroft getting uncomfortable and offended and insisting Sherlock change the subject when it was suggested that he maybe should have gotten a “goldfish” *wink wink nudge nudge* while Sherlock was absent for two years. It’s giving 🧡💛🤍🩵💙 ya know? With possibly aplatonic too?

Bitch, fuck you. You played that entire deduction game to insinuate that your extremely aspec older brother is lonely only to then throw it in his face that “how would you know?” Get the fuck out of here. Look. I know I’m being a little jokey when I diagnose Mycroft aspec but….he has the vibes, my dears. I know neither Moffat nor Gatiss would ever confirm it, so it’s all headcanon, but I’m protective of my aspec headcanons

The way they get around censoring out “fuck off,” it was very good

I have so little interest in the cases Sherlock and Molly are solving

The episodes are better when there’s one big case or a bunch of small ones but they are explicitly connected from the beginning

You’re right. Molly does deserve better than you

Oh shit. I forgot this part where Sherlock and Mary have to go save John from brewing burned alive

Aw, happy November 5th (in universe) from six years before that date meant EVERYTHING to tumblr

It’s nice to see them getting along again

(OMG THERES HALF AN HOUR LEFT. HOW)

Oh. Right. The train case…see, this is why we need shorter episodes. I forgot about it in the time I was watching it

These stakes are too high and concrete. We need lower or more nebulous stakes. Like, they’re literally trying to keep Parliament from blowing up by train car bomb…is this the moment they out the skis on the ramp in order to make the jump fully over the shark?

How does Sherlock have Icelandic sheep wool facts stuffed away but not something useful like diffusing a bomb? Honestly, I don’t blame John for not believing this or the apology. I certainly don’t believe he doesn’t know

I can’t believe Anderson is disappointed in the (perhaps) real way Sherlock’s death and resurrection went down…except maybe not?? Who knows, honestly

It just….had an off switch?? Wtf? Punch him again. Do it, John.

Maybe it’s not just a degradation…perhaps it’s humiliation too.

So Molly has a type. There’s nothing wrong with that. She can move on with a guy who looks and dresses like Sherlock as long as he treats her miles better

You know, it’s nice he’s leaning into the deer stalker cap look

Our first look at Magnussen

[bloodofgrapes]

I’m so obsessed with the way you draw nrmt ;-; You draw them like actual men… it’s a huge problem among aa fans where one of the two of them (usually edgeworth) gets written or drawn as a tiny long-eyelashed hairless submissive twink and it’s like. They’re Grown Men. And no one will ever be able to convince me that edgeworth would let his guard down/let go of his control-freakiness enough for some of the shit he’s portrayed as doing lmfao 🫣 I’m certain a big part of it is that you’re gay and You Get It lmao.. I’ve sent you way too many asks in the past few days and i’m sorry if it’s weird but idk you’re my fav ace attorney artist and i appreciate you sm

Alrighty, finally free enough to tackle this anon. So, before I say anything, I want to preface this with my belief that there’s no right or wrong interpretation of a character in fandom—I love to see the immense variety of ways that characters are depicted, and I think it’s fascinating to get to see through the lens that people view them. What I will be talking about in this ask though, is my (and clearly anon’s) personal preference. I just wanted to get that out of the way, because I would be very unhappy if people read this and thought that I judge any interpretation of the characters I spend much of my time talking about on the hellsite.

With that out of the way, I do agree with you anon. I’ve hesitated to answer asks like this in the past (you’re not the first to say this), but you have put it in a way that I think fits how I feel about them. I am a gay man—I love men in any shape or form they come in, but I truly adore masculinity. Hairy belly and ass, boxy builds, square jaws and hands, receding hairlines, deep voice, the works. This is not to say that these characteristics cannot also be feminine, but I am approaching this in the context of speaking about male characters, and the things I enjoy from them—but make no mistake, I love effeminate men just as much, especially in the variety of ways that they can manifest.

Which is a good lead in to something I have always loved about Edgeworth, from the first time I played these games nearly twenty years ago: Edgeworth has always struck me as inherently traditionally masculine, even in spite (or perhaps because) of his more flamboyant tastes, such as wearing a bold pink suit, jabot, preference for frilly things and flowers, etc. He’s not what any boomer would call a man’s man, but I feel like a lot of fandom overlooks that he’s barrel chested, deep voiced, stoically cold, and prone to masking or outright shutting down his emotions. As a gay man these traits really resonate with me—I embody many of the same things, while also having a certain air of “fruitiness”, if you will.

I’m in my mid-thirties, and while I believe it’s never too late to have heroes or feelgood characters, it’s a little unusual for me to have a character that makes me feel “seen”, at least in the way he does. Being a trans man specifically, I’ve spent much of my life grappling with the inherent masculinity and femininity I was born with, so it’s always been a comfort to me (even if I didn’t quite realize it when I was younger) to see a man that sacrificed absolutely none of his masculinity while wearing frills and a bright pink suit. So I love depictions of him (and Phoenix, because I think he’s viewed not dissimilarly in this fandom) that lean away from the typical shiny smoothness of most anime, and more into making them standard 30-something males. As I said in the first paragraph of this, it's all personal preference, there’s no right or wrong way to vibe with these characters, but I appreciate you anon, because I do think that we’re in a very small minority in this fandom, and while that’s not a bad thing by any means, it’s nice to see a kindred spirit <3

[fbfh]

last first kiss - dustin henderson x reader fluff

wc: 1.3k

genre: FLUFF!!!!!!!!!!, friends to lovers, pining

pairing: dustin x gn reader

warnings: some suzie mentions, steve is bad at relationship advice (what's new), dustin is crushing hardcore on you, kissing in mike wheeler's basement, mentions of past encounters with demogorgons and monsters, allusions to events from seasons 1 - 3, ambiguous timeline but takes place after season 3, Will catches you kissing lol

summary: while waiting for your friends, you and dustin get to talking and he tells you that he broke up with suzie. he doesn't tell you he broke up with her because he's had a crush on you since the snowball, but maybe finally working up the nerve to kiss you will be a good way to confess.

song rec: young love - coby grant, last first kiss - one direction

a/n: i tried to fix a typo in a JJ fic and it got posted like a week early because tumblr is a hellsite :) anyway please enjoy this ty for the request it was literally so adorable!!!!!

tags: @yesv01 @hopefullhearts @littlewinter1917 @thatawkwardlittlefangirl  @sad-brunnettee @ilikemypolarbear @lubsana @cowboylikekelsey @paris-loves-dustin

With all the crazy things you and your friends have been through lately, especially Will, it seemed long overdue to surprise him with a fun night together. Mike, Dustin, and Lucas came up with a plan, roping you, Max, and El along with them. You were going to surprise Will with a DnD campaign Mike has been working on, and it’s finally ready. Mike and Lucas are distracting Will, dragging him around downtown, running errands and taking him on various wild goose chases. El and Max are getting the real supplies - snacks. That leaves you and Dustin right here in Mike’s basement, painting cardboard monsters and villagers so they’re ready by the time everyone gets back.

You’re sitting on the floor across from each other, putting the finishing touches on the goblin you’d been working on. You’re pretty much done, and ahead of schedule too. The rest of the party should be back pretty soon, then you can start playing. Even though you and Max don’t really play DnD, you’re still excited to hang out with everyone. 

You’ve been in the same class as the party since you started middle school, but you were in a different friend group. At the Snowball you couldn’t believe how rude your friend Stacey was to Dustin. You had always been nice to kids in other clubs and friend groups, and you thought she was the same. You told her off  and marched right over to ask him to dance. Ever since that night, Dustin has been harboring a huge crush on you. 

Nothing really came of it because you ran in different circles, until one night when you saw a demogorgon in your backyard. None of your friends believed you, so you didn’t know what to do or who to turn to, until you saw Dustin pass by in the hallway talking about different monsters and their hit points with Mike. 

They’re into all that nerdy fantasy stuff, you realized, they would probably be able to tell you what you saw if you described it to them. Once you started grilling them about monsters, they put two and two together pretty fast. Ever since then, you’d been right beside them through every crazy thing that’s happened in Hawkins. Now you’re here, sitting across from Dustin and talking while the paint on the last few villagers dries. 

“It’s so weird that me and Will are the only two in the group not dating someone,” you muse, fanning the wet paint with your hand before setting it down. 

“Yeah, well, I mean it’s three now, but…” he murmurs, and you look up at him, confused. 

“I thought you and Suzie-”

“Yeah, we, uh… I kinda broke up with her…” he picks at the carpet. 

“What happened?” you ask quietly, “Just if you want to talk, I mean,” you amend. Breakups are tricky, and you want him to know that you’re there for him. He looks around the room, not quite meeting your gaze. 

“Well, you know, her parents are really strict and everything,” he begins slowly, “and it’s a lot harder dating someone you can only see during summer, and can only talk to in secret, you know…” 

“Yeah, it sounds hard,” you agree. He fidgets with the brim of his baseball cap, then continues.

“I think it’s better to date someone you’re close to.” 

You look up at him. 

“Like, physically closer to, same area… geographically…” he sputters, correcting himself. 

“That makes sense.” you say with a chuckle. 

“Maybe…” he says quietly, “you know, someone who goes to the same school, or something…” he murmurs. You consider. 

“If you go to school together you could see them every day,” you smile. He’s reminded of all the times his day has been made just by passing you in the halls, the little wave and smile you greet him with. In spite of the dim lighting, the pink tint to his cheeks doesn’t slip past you. 

“Yeah,” he agrees, avoiding your eyes. “That would be nice.” 

“It sucks though, I know you really liked Suzie.” 

“Yeah,” he sighs, “she was really smart and pretty, she reminded me of you…” he trails off, eyes going wide. “Of… I mean, like, of what you would want… in a girlfriend…” 

Your heart flutters a little as he sputters out a response, hoping he saved it and you don’t know about his impossible to hide titanic sized crush on you. You look down, fighting butterflies, then back up at him with that sweet smile of yours. You place your hand on his arm. His heart pounds harder. 

“You’re… the best, Dustin. You’re going to find someone really, really lucky who sees that.” He can feel the sincerity of your words, and it makes him blush harder. The tips of his ears are pink as your words sink in. 

It’s quiet for a second.

You start to lower your hand so you can check if the paint is fully dry. Before you can, he leans in close to you, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. You stare at each other for a moment, breathless. You let out a flustered giggle, smiling like you do and making his heart do backflips. You place your hand on his cheek, leaning in to kiss him again. His eyes go wide, heart pounding, as you press your lips to his. 

He can’t believe this is happening. He couldn’t believe it when you asked him to dance at the Snowball, he couldn’t believe it that day you walked up to him between third and fourth period and asked him how much he knew about monsters, couldn’t believe it every time since then when you’d backed up his crazy plans and fought by his side. He never thought he had a chance with you, so when he met Suzie at camp, all of Steve’s terribly hypocritical dating advice about not getting hung up on one person who’s not into you like that came rushing back to him. Look at him now, getting to kiss you. 

You’re really flustered. More flustered than you’d expected to be. As your lips move against each other’s, you realize how much you really, really like Dustin. He’s always been so sincere and nice to you, and never two faced like some of your old friends. You’ve been there for each other through so much, you can count on each other for anything, and you’re overwhelmed by the feeling of how much you like him. He really is the best. You wonder why you didn’t realize how you feel sooner. 

“What?! No!” 

You pull away suddenly, heads whipping around to Will, who’s standing on the stairs.

“Not you too!” he cries. You both start talking over each other, scrambling for an explanation, but he cuts you off. 

“Look, just-” he sighs. “I won’t say anything.”

You let out a sigh of relief.

“But no pda!” he adds. You agree, thankful that didn’t go worse. He starts to go upstairs and you giggle, causing Dustin to giggle. You lean in to kiss him again. 

Behind you, Will pokes his head down, shooting Dustin a thumbs up, which he returns, clearly excited at this whole turn of events. Will knows how bad Dustin has had it for you for so long, how much this must mean to him. He’s really happy for him, for both of you. You’re like, the nicest person ever, and Dustin is one of his best friends. You deserve each other, he thinks. 

When you and Dustin finally pull away to catch your breath, he smiles bigger than you’ve ever seen him. He can’t believe this is real, that you like him back. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy. He can’t wait to tell Steve everything.