#i have a lot of thoughts about what the hellsite has been doing lately and am workin on a backup for snap content

[thenamesblurrito]

Considering the Invasion on Tumblr desktop, does Cybertron have any clowns besides Starscream?

gofdadslfjdhgsldjsfg i've been avoiding going to the dash because of this, i'm only skulking around my own blog pages and haven't seen the cursed thing yet

yknow i'm not actually sure? the concept of entertainer, of fool, of silly over the top performers is there, actually probably more of a Thing on Velocitron, Eukaris, and Lunas 1 and 2 than most Cybertronian cultures, more in regards to rodeo clowns than circus clowns. facepaint is a thing, silly outfits could be replaced by silly kibble and temporary paint jobs. in general i don't think there's much of a cultural phenomenon of a freak show or circus that popularizes clowns? if there is a "silly clumsy stupid" archetype in performance, in today's culture it's most likely to be a junker stereotype that teaches a debateably humorous lesson about the perils of not living in line with the rules. may also end up leaning into the creepy clown aesthetic to demonize junkers a bit...

used to be the position of parody or a jester-kind of performance was more acceptable (depending on the current govt tho, there's absolutely been tyrannical regimes prior to functionism that also did not take kindly to these) but that's not the same as a clown. Micronus Prime is something of the patron god of pranks and lessons hard-learned this way, so you might say he's the deity of clowns? and Airachnid i sort of designed with a circus performer aesthetic in mind so uh. if you'd like to get stabbed, maybe call her a clown?

[erwinsvow]

not to derail at all but i see your kook!reader (cause I love it, and how catty she is) at midsummers and raise you, pogue!reader having to choose between jj and rafe, when the gang decide to ditch the party. she’s there as kie’s +1 and when the whole thing goes tits up reader is stuck between the guy she’s been crushing on for years or the kook king who clearly has the hots for her which she not against.

also, you are genuinely one of my fave writers on this hellsite 😍😍😍 notifications on and every thing

baby i am gonna sob you are SOOO nice. notifs on? i am so beyond flattered. i love u <33 this idea is GOLDEN oh my god the brainrot im having rn. im gonna try to write a little for you but i cant even put it into words

kiara said you'd make the whole thing a lot more bearable. plus, out of your little pogue group, you were her parents' unspoken favorite, so it just seemed natural for you to tag along to midsummers as her plus one.

and as much you loved your best friend and thought the world of her for inviting you, your heart was pounding your chest while you got ready in kie's bedroom, applying make up and curling your hair and putting on your best (and one of your only nice clothes) dress.

dolled up like this, you even looked the part of the kook princess that you were sure was rafe cameron's type.

even the idea of thinking about him, and impressing him or him seeing you like this, felt guilty. it made a painfully acrid taste shoot into your mouth and run through your blood—there was no one your friends hated more than the boy you'd had a crush on for as long as you can remember.

it was stupid, ever even talking to him, getting involved and sneaking off for late night drives in his truck and meeting up in hidden corners where no one else could see. that's all it was though, secret encounters and a few kisses.

you hadn't let it progress further, knowing how your friends would react, knowing how rafe is. you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to tell you you're just like your pogue friends that he hates so much. he doesn't, though, that's what makes this so much harder.

out of all your friends, the idea of one in particular finding out there was or had been or was going to be something between you and rafe made you feel dizzy and uncomfortable all over. jj was always your closest friend, always the one you relied on for everything—he had helped you countless heartbreaks and emotions and moments of doubt.

a small part of you had always thought the two of you would end up together. everyone joked about it, pope and john digging into him for carrying you home when you get too drunk or lost your shoes on the beach, kiara teasing you when she finds out jj slept over your place again.

the idea of either finding out about your attachment for the other made you feel queasy. walking into midsummers with kie, the hem of your yellow dress rustling near your thighs, you thought you were safe since only rafe would be there tonight. you thought wrong.

rafe is talking to you when jj shows up.

"y'look nice." you stare up at him, unsure of what to say. "what? now i can't say somethin' nice?"

"when do you ever say something nice?" you ask, but your smile reveals itself before you can hold it back. rafe looks at you like he could get used to seeing you like this.

"m'always nice to you. i don't know, kid, this is nice. y'should come to the club with me some time." you laugh, looking down at your shoes.

"i don't know about all that-"

"hey, you. mandatory power hour at rixon's. c'mon, princess." you turn to see jj, face bruised and knuckles bleedng. you look back at rafe, and he looks smug, it's only then you notice his messed up hair.

"jayj? what's going on?"

"rafe, i mean this in the most disrespectful way possible, go away. tryna have a talk with my girl here, so-" your face burns.

"m'sorry, your girl?"

"apology not accepted. so if you could direct yourself over there to fuck off, that would be fantas-"

"j, wha- what's going on? how long have you been here?"

"long enough for cameron over here to set his little lap dogs on me. c'mon, i'm getting kie and pope and then we gotta go-"

"but, i, i-" you stop yourself, to think about what to say, when rafe cuts you off again.

"she's not going anywhere, we're having a conversation that you interrupted, fuckin' pogue."

"botherin' pretty girls, yeah, that sounds about right. get it through your thick skull, bud, she's not interested-"

"um, guys-" rafe shrugs, staring back at jj.

"that's not what she said last night. or the night before. so how about you do yourself a favor-"

"fuck's he talking about, princess?" jj looks at you, and you look at him, and then rafe, head spinning.

"yeah, kid, the fuck is he talkin' about?"

the glass in your hand drops and shatters when you faint and fall over.

[whatislovevavy]

8. What Am I Supposed to Do Now?

Jake Seresin x OC (Caledonia Hughes)

WC: 2.8k

Masterlist  Previous Part   Next Part

Warnings: swearing, mentions of smut (18+),  mostly angst

AN: This one’s angsty y’all, not gonna lie. And a bit shorter than the others, but fear not, the next one will be longer :) Thank you @sebsxphia for the encouragement to write this story when it was in development, it means the world <3 Also a big thank you to @royallyprincesslilly for the design of the divider.

Please consider leaving a comment, a tip, or reblogging, leaving likes doesn't do anything on this hellsite. It helps with motivation when writing and the tips help since I’m between jobs at the moment :)

All of my writings will be added to my writing side blog @sophs-writing-nook 

These characters, except for Caledonia and Ella, are obviously not my own. This is an 18+ fanfic, so minors scoot pls. You are responsible for the media you consume. Do not copy, plagiarize, repost, or translate this fic without my explicit permission as it is my own creation. 

Jake pensively hit the backspace button on his phone's touch pad. 

He knew at the back of his mind that he should be telling you this in person.

The swing of the break room door broke him from his stare at his screen.

"Anyways, we're going on a date next Saturday to the aquarium in the city," Bradley said with a small lopsided smirk as he walked in with Natasha and Javy. 

"What's this I hear about Rooster finally getting a woman to go out with him?" 

Rooster flipped Jake off as he got his lunch from the fridge, making Natasha let out a small laugh, and Javy quirk his lip. 

"So what's her name, how'd you meet her?"

Bradley closed the fridge with a click, striding towards the table Jake was settled at. 

"Her name's Ella, she's a grad student at UC San Diego. Met her at that coffee place you recommended last week, got her number, and have been texting since." 

He flashed Jake a grin. 

Jake furrowed his brows, a soft hum leaving his lips. 

It couldn't have been your Ella, could it? UC San Diego was a big school, there was definitely more than one Ella there.

Soon Javy and Phoenix joined them at the table. 

"What?"

Rooster broke him from his deep in thought glance as he softly stirred the left over beef stew.

But at this point, he couldn’t stomach the previously delicious stew you made for him. It only served as a reminder of what he was about to do, and for what he didn’t have the courage to do. 

"Nothing, Caledonia has a friend in her grad program named Ella." 

Bradley’s lip quirked.

“Cali is biochem, right?”

Jake nodded. 

A soft hum left Bradley’s lips, “Yeah, that might be the same one. So, noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with her lately, what's the deal?”

Jake felt his heart freeze.

He shrugged, nonchalantly, trying to exude that same Hangman confidence and bravado.

“Nothing too serious, just helped out with a few things Penny asked me to do for her.”

Natasha almost bent her fork in her hand as his words registered. 

Did he not know how much he meant to her?

Jake could feel her piercing stare, but chose to keep his attention on Bradshaw. 

Javy’s gaze was more marked with the subtle signs of pity as he worked his way through his wrap. 

Jake couldn’t decide which one felt worse. 

Rooster took a bite of his lunch, “ya know, I’ve been meaning to ask, why do you call her by her full name?”

Was it getting hot in here? He wouldn’t be surprised if the answer was yes, considering the time of year. 

If Javy hadn’t known him all these years, he would have missed the flash of panic behind the thick curtain of confidence that was slowly becoming a thin veil. 

He shrugged, “I was always taught to treat women that give me booze with the utmost respect, hence the full name.”

Bradshaw nodded, letting his eyebrows raise, “But what about Penny? You call her Pen all the time.”

Natasha smirked slightly around her forkful of lunch. 

Jake swallowed, “Well, that’s different… I’ve known Penny for a lot longer than Caledonia.”

Rooster leaned back, furrowing his brow, and biting the inside of his cheek. 

“Ok, but why did you leave the Hard Deck with her last week?”

Jake took a deep breath, “She needed help with her car before she headed home. I was at the bartop paying my tab and Penny asked me to help her. What is this anyway? An interrogation? You gonna ask me about every woman I’ve talked to?”

Bradshaw smirked, “Just curious, Bagman, no need to get defensive,” he put his hands up in surrender, thoroughly enjoying seeing his former rival riled up. 

Javy bit back a smile. 

"Yeah, Bagman, don't need to get your panties in a bunch." 

Natasha smirked as Jake shot her daggers. 

"If I were wearing panties, they would be the most unbunched pair you'd ever seen." 

Jake grumbled, sending a glare to his teammates as they laughed and snorted. 

“Plus, it’s not that way with her. We’re just friends.”

Jake took a spoonful of stew, purposefully avoiding his colleagues unimpressed glances. 

“Right.”

Jake glared as Phoenix took a bite of her sandwich.

“Alright, I think that’s enough teasing. Can’t waste all our material in one day.”

Javy shot him a wink as Jake flipped him off, his remaining colleagues breaking into soft chuckles.

The topic was diverted to the back burner for the time being, to the point where Jake forgot about the text he planned to send. 

Conversation flowed from when the new recruits were coming in, to summer plans, and to different get togethers on weekends planned within their friend group. 

A small sense of panic ran through him as Phoenix suggested that Caledonia be invited to all of their summer plans. Including their Barbenheimer-themed pool and BBQ party in July.

He guaranteed Caledonia wouldn’t want to come if he was there after the message he was typing out was sent. 

Soon it was time to wrap up and head back out to the briefing room and get ready to fly in the latter portion of the day.

Jake took one last pensive glance at his phone.

This is better. For the both of us.

Jaw tensing, he pressed send. 

He cleaned up the rest of his lunch and left the breakroom in a silence coated by the soft buzzing of the overhead lights and the impending crack of broken hearts.

—

A sigh left your lips. 

How could you have been so stupid?

You should have read the label more clearly before measuring it out. 

Your mind swam with detrimental thoughts of the days failed experiment. 

The cells you spent the previous day growing were wasted when you accidentally put too strong of a solvent after the cells were centrifuged.

It also didn’t help that Ella was away presenting at a conference at the other side of the country.

Frankly, you just wanted to go home, take a nice shower, nestle into your sheets, and forget about the frustrating day you got out of. 

A sigh left your lips as you settled into the drivers seat of your car, feeling your frustration dissipate from your body, and be quickly filled with exhaustion.

You bit the inside of your lip as you waited for your phone to turn on and see any messages you missed. 

The thought of texting Jake to see if he wanted to come over crossed your mind. 

A small smile formed at the thought.

Message from well-fed raccoon :) not downloaded.

You opened the app, tapping on his contact icon. 

Your brows furrowed, heart plummeting to the deepest parts of your chest. 

We shouldn't do this arrangement anymore. I'm sorry. 

You couldn't help but read over the two sentences. Over and over again. Hoping, praying, that they would be something different.

A rattled sigh left your lips, letting your eyes clench shut, and head hit your seat. 

Tears pricked your eyes. A dribble quickly turning into a torrential downpour. 

Soon, your car was wracked with the repeated, frenzied collisions of your head against the upholstery of your driver's seat. 

You stopped with one final hit of your head against the faux leather portion of the head rest, feeling your scowl morph into a groan ridden scowl.

Why the fuck did this have to happen?

What was wrong with you? 

Not only did you have to worry about attracting someone, but now you had to worry about keeping them. 

Was it your weight? 

Your busy schedule? 

Did he find out about your depression? Anxiety?

You did your damndest to ensure that Jake knew nothing of that part of you. 

Your lip quivered as you broke into a sob marked by wails and sniffles, no different from that of a wounded animal. 

God, you couldn’t help but feel that this was coming. 

This arrangement; it was all too good to be true. 

You scoffed through your tears. 

You shouldn’t have been so stupid. 

He was called Hangman for a reason. 

Your virginity. Your very first experiences with sex.

Your eyes shut as you realized the gravitas of this risk, only sobbing harder.

What if he had only wanted you because you’d never been with anyone else?

This was absolutely devastating. 

The world was crashing down around you. You couldn’t breathe with how hard you had started crying, unable to help the feeling of violation that invaded your veins like a poison, turning your blood to a thick sludge, making your heart beat like an engine in overdrive to compensate. 

In your blurry eyed, emotionally compromised state, you only wanted to hear one voice.

Penny’s.

She’d understand.

You didn’t want to explain to your mom that you developed a ‘situationship’ with a deadly man and that it bit you in the ass. Hard. 

The familiar rumble of the engine filled your car. You swiped away at the continuously flowing tears and mustered enough energy and a sliver of mental clarity to get home safe. 

—

“Hey, Cali, how was-”

Penny’s word died on her lips.

The sunny San Diego weather backdropped your teary, red eyes and cheeks, curled lips, and tears streaming down your pretty face. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” she strode towards you, encasing you in a hug as you reached out to her, “what’s wrong?”

You sniffled, burying your face into her sweater-clad shoulder.

“Sweetheart, I can’t hear you.”

You lifted your head from her chest. 

“Jake doesn’t want me anymore.” 

Penny’s heart broke at the sight, gently pulling you back to her, wrapping you in her embrace as sobs wracked your body. 

Her heart continued to crack for you with each sob and gasp you let out, gently running her hand through your hair.

You tried not to think about how Jake would do the same thing when he kissed you. 

He used to bring you so much joy, but now you felt hypersensitive to even the thought of Hangman. 

Touching you. 

Speaking to you. 

Looking at you. 

How he cuddled with you when you slept over that one night.

How he made breakfast with you the next morning.

How he knew your favorite flavor of gelato from Francisco’s. 

How he bought you $300 worth of sex toys.

Was this all some kind of sick game to him? 

It made your breathing difficult and skin crawl. 

How could you have let someone in so close, and know every inch of your body?

“Shhh, Caledonia, it’s ok… let it out.”

Penny knew that Hangman had a reputation. Anyone who frequented the Hard Deck knew that.

But she saw the way he looked at Caledonia when she was busy preparing drinks. Or when she was fixing the juke box. Or wiping down tables. 

Penny’s hope for the relationship to succeed was overshadowed by the bubbling sense of anger in her belly. 

How could Hangman do such a thing to you? 

What was your situation with him exactly?

She continued to soothe you. 

“Cali, I’m so sorry… would you want me to call Ella to come over?”

You shook your head, “Ella’s at a conference, and I don’t want to make her worried,” the lump in your throat evident with each break from sniffling.

Penny’s eyebrows furrowed.

You didn’t tell your bestfriend, because you didn’t want to worry her?

Hangman was such an asshole for letting you go. 

To both himself, and you. 

“Ok, I’m going to call Halo and Phoenix and see if they can come over. Ok? Would that help?”

You nodded, lip quivering as another round of sobs made your body crumple against hers. 

“What am I," sniffle, "supposed to do now?” 

Your sob-ridened words made Penny’s heart ache as she watched the bright, beautiful, smart girl she knew be deduced to a sobbing mess.

If she could help it, Hangman wouldn’t be allowed to step foot into her bar without being overboarded. 

So she did the next best thing; holding you in her open doorway as you sobbed into her knitted top.

“It’s ok, sweetheart…shhh… it's going to be ok.”

That only made you cry harder.

—

Jake’s front door opened with a click, taking his shoes off with a soft thud, not bothering to arrange them on the floor with the rest.

He went through the motions of preparing dinner; the last remaining portion of the beef stew you made him.

His jaw tensed at the sight of the transparent hazel and oak bark brown stew staining the sides of the plastic container on the counter.

How was it so easy for something to go from warming the deepest darkest parts of his soul to being the equivalent of lead, coating his insides and making it hard to breathe?

Shouldn’t I be relieved?

Just as he suspected, the stew didn’t bring him the sense of comfort it did only a mere few days ago.

He sighed, languidly twisting and turning his spoon in the stew, moving the typically delectable sauteed mushrooms and tender beef around. 

Now they just made his stomach churn. 

Maybe it wasn’t ever the stew itself that was warm and comforting.

Maybe it was the fact that you were the one who made it.

You.

He continued to absentmindlessly stir, the familiar jingle of keys near the front door meeting his ears. 

“You’re home late.”

Jake’s seemingly dulled down tone made Javy furrow his eyebrows as he continued to undo his shoes. 

“Picked up something for Delilah.”

Jake only gave a small hum. 

“Everything alright?”

Jake took a deep exhale, avoiding his wingman’s gaze.

“Yeah,” he coughed,” yeah, I’m fine just tired.”

Javy stared as he trudged towards the stairs, his bowl of half finished left on the table.

His all too familiar air of confidence was elsewhere. 

As Javy heard Jake’s door shut, his phone buzzed. 

Phoenix: We need to talk. Can you meet at the Hard Deck tomorrow?

—

Jake couldn’t take his eyes off the ceiling as he laid on his bed. 

He should feel relieved. 

Relationships were never his strong suit, meaning he avoided them like the plague. 

He’d done it once, and never again. 

It was too…painful. Heart wrenching. Traumatizing. 

One-night stands were easier. Always easier. 

This arrangement was supposed to be just that. 

He’d help you out, teach you the ropes and then wish you luck on your future relationships. 

That was it. 

He was supposed to move on with his day without seeing things in his everyday life and not think about you. 

Not think, “Caledonia would love this”, or “ This would make her smile.”

You weren’t supposed to have an infectious smile, or a laugh that made him wish for glimpses of a future together, or be able to moan and whine so prettily that he would drown in if he could. 

Your lips weren’t supposed to be soft. Or sweet. Or pretty. 

Hell, you weren’t supposed to look as beautiful as you did in that velvet dress at Admiral Cain’s retirement ball. Or as you walked towards him in his booth at Fransisco’s. Or as you opened the door when he was supposed to teach you how to give a blowjob. Or as you stood before him in front of the mirror in the dressing room of Pleasures of the 3rd Kind.

Or when he first saw your body without the hindrance of clothes. 

But the state of dress, or undress, didn’t change how he saw you.

It was all you.

You. 

He could feel his heart beat faster and cheeks heat as reminisced on his moments with you. 

But those moments seemed to dwarf in comparison to his moments with you outside of your lessons together. 

Getting gelato together. 

Playing cards with Amelia. 

Making up a story to get a 15% discount on sex toys.

Slow dancing with you. 

Feeling your lips on his cheek.

Your soft, tender kisses.

Your warm, safe, secure hugs.

Your infectious, warm laugh that made his chest explode with warmth.

How you cared for him so effortlessly.

The fact you took time out of your busy schedule to care of him when he was sick. 

He hadn’t been taken care of like that since he left home. 

Those moments made him feel some sliver of deservance of your affections. Of your devoted, unconditional love.

He wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

He was supposed to be able to move on with his life, like with every one-night stand he’d been with before. 

Say goodbye to you after he ‘hit and split,” and never think about you again.

Or to never feel the need to think about you again. 

It should have been a relief, cutting off this arrangement with you.

But it wasn’t. 

And he’d have to live with that. 

The fact he was stupid enough, scared enough, and selfish enough to let you go.

To not tell you what he needed to tell you.

Jake could feel his ill placed relief morph into a deep rooted sadness in his empty chest.

Like a spoon scrapping the inside of a pomegranate until there was nothing but rind. 

A rattled sigh left his lips, feeling a lump in his throat begin to settle.

What am I supposed to do now?

Taglist: 

@marvel-hotchner @nemesis729 @a-lil-bit-nuts @justagirllivinginaghibliworld @mizzzpink @themusingofagothicsoul @mayhemmanaged @sebsxphia @potato-girl99981  @a-beaverhausen @withahappyrefrain @hangmans-wingman @callmemana @joalslibrary @peachiicherries @mrsjaderogers @entertainmentgal8@jkbindigo11 @princess76179 @clancycucumber230 @teacupsandtopgun

@chaoticassidy @superskittles @cherrycola27 @nancyxsorbet @h-ngm-ns @emma8895eb @djs8891 @novastories @urmom-999 @taytaylala12 @zombicupcake3 @catsficrecs @abaker74 @kmc1989 @hangmanshoney @caidi-paris @i-wanna-be-your-muse @shara-ne @memeorydotcom

[maggins]

Hey there! 🌱 I think have been knowing you since back then when you made Jack Frost gifs or something if memory serves me right, I think? Yeah it was around then, I do remember your blog being one of the main reasons I decided to make my own here. I was of course very absent, and too timid to befriend or talk to anyone here (still am). Well now it's been years and I haven't really been aeound for years actually, busy with life and challenges and honestly I feel like a ghost who has zoned out of life for years 😂, but hey I still do remember you and I come check up on you(r blog) every once in a while, and around your bday too yea bc interestingly we are not that different in age and birth days, that's why I keep remembering this one even though we don't really know each other. Oh wait- don't mind this random stranger feeling all melancholic and nostalgic here get to you hehe. Yeah so, I guess we have pulled through so much and, despite everything, despite all the changes, we lived. You lived. This is still you. Anyway, I just thought I'd stop by and congratulate your bday, and say you've been doing a good job making it this far bud! Cheers to another year. 🥛🍪 And I wish/pray for you, the best I can think of for the coming years! Happy birthday, Maggie! You keep going girl, let's hang in there! 👍💐

Oh dear anon... 🥹

Like, I've been thinking about your message for a while and I keep postponing replying to it because you left me speechless?? I just. Feel Seen, you know?? And I feel it would be disingenuous of me to leave you without an answer when you’ve clearly taken a long time to type out such a big message, you know? (i know that by now it’s been like a month since i got this message but gOSH I’m replying to it damnit)

(under a read more bc oops this got long)

So you've been here since the Jack Frost era, so that's late 2012/early 2013... Congratulations, that's over a decade!! (holy shit, a decade)

Don't mind me also getting all mushy and melancholic and probably repeating myself because I'm typing this in one go and i will NOT be proofreading it lmao, but like... boy I feel you, a LOT has happened in the past decade. I kept learning things about myself and the way I tick that I'm still learning to live with and to overcome the barriers I put up for myself, you know? I feel like a constant work in progress, and I'm not sure what the finished project will look like. If there IS some semblance of a finished project to strive for haha

I’ve actually written a whole ass paragraph in which i probably went a bit too personal about what’s been going on in my life, but ultimately decided to scrap it for privacy’s sake (something something about oversharing on the internet with strangers welppp), but the gist of the thing is. I’ve tried to distance myself from tumblr for the past 5-6 years because as much fun as it has been being on this hellsite, i didn’t want it to become as much of an addiction as it did back when i was in college (my way through college was a tumultuous one to say the least, and tho a lot of other circumstances were at play, being on tumblr constantly certainly didn’t help)

…..a plan that probably ultimately backfired bc instead of being addicted to being in ONE social media, i started spending more and more time on instagram and twitter and youtube and lately a bit of tiktok and gODDAMN IT instead of doomscrolling through ONE social media, im now doomscrolling through several. and getting overwhelmed with all the content. and god im. so tired. really feeling like

and like, i’ve decided to try and make a comeback to tumblr. it may not be as popular a social media website as the others, but i think it’s not becoming as much of a dumpster fire as plenty of others are fffff—

I also know i’ve been sharing less and less about what’s been going on in my life bc…. idk tbh, i think i just lost that drive to share life events so openly online and kept that more to my closest circle of friends, you know? also been a bit more busy with my day job, and it leaves me pretty tired and just wanting to wind down at the end of the day haha

here’s a quick rundown of stuff that i got going on if you’re interested

unfortunately lost quite a bit of family members in the past two years. don’t really wanna get into details about that, i prefer to do my grieving with those closest to me. i lost someone early in february who wasn’t even family, but definitely saw her as such. funny how this one death was the one that impacted me the most 

i’ve become an aunt for the first time?? she’ll be turning five this year, and i love her with my whole heart. i remember holding her for the first time and getting overwhelmed with this sense of “i would DIE for you”. and somehow she got a lil tooth gap like me?? 🥹

partially dyed my hair blue last year. may not seem like much, but expressing my sense of self like that felt good 😎i’ll probs show pics or draw myself like that later on hehe

i got to attend and make a lil speech at one of my best friends’ wedding, and getting to do something like that felt extremely humbling and validating, like she trusted me to become part of a celebration that was so important to her, and i’ll never forget that ☺️ (also holy SHIT i did a semi-public speak!! ME!!! i took on one of my worst anxieties thanks to the Power of Friendship!!)

i’ve visited my bestie @marinaqua in the netherlands and she’s visited me here and bOY what an experience it has been!! we’ll be trying to make this a more regular thing since we both have (some) Adult Money and can do Whatever We Want 😂

speaking of adult money, ever since i got into TOH a couple of years ago, i got into pin collecting!! it’s been a lot of fun to track down and collect these cool fanmade designs, even if my poor wallet screams at me sometimes lmao (and trust, i’m VERY selective of the stuff i decide to get. taxes and shipping are no joke). i’ve actually been posting updates to my fan merch collection on my instagram stories and you can see them in my highlights if you want haha 👉👈

… oh screw it, here’s my pin board

and my ita backpack!! (the shadow brainrot is REAL)

……

imma be honest now, i’ve been on and off writing this for a month now and i may have lost the point i was trying to make (if i even had a point i was getting to lmao), but what i really wanted to say was

thank you for sticking with me. i’m glad i was able to bring you some joy one way or another. remain strong and be kind both to others AND yourself. whoever you are, however you’re doing in life… i hope it’s a good one. 🥹

see you around!! 🥰

[featherxquill]

Adventures in Blazing

I signed up for tumblr premium almost a month ago, wanting to get rid of the ads, and also in response to fears that this website might go away and hey, here’s one way I can contribute to preventing that from happening (I have no idea if that’s likely; I’ve seen a lot of panic of late with no idea where it comes from, but hey, I have full-time employment, I pay for YouTube premium, I used to pay for LJ back in the day, why not). So far, I’m enjoying the little typewriter icon I put next to my name, and I’m enjoying none ads, even though I never found tumblr’s ads super intrusive.

A few days ago, I made a quippy little post about being immune to ghosting because I’ve learned to ignore my incredibly rejection sensitive brain, and then on a whim I decided to use my free blaze to promote it. It was my birthday present to myself, just click the button and see what happens.

Well. The post has a few hundred notes now and seems to have taken on a life of its own, which is kind of cool, though it has fewer notes than the WoT one I made the day before that took off all by itself. I have some new followers, probably from one of the two posts. If that’s you, hi! 👋 I hope you like middle-aged women because that’s what most of my blog content is. There are some comments, some of which invite interaction more than others. I got one anon hate that began with the phrase ‘I don’t usually send anon hate, but’ which made it very easy to delete. Thanks for saying what you were doing right there on the label, nonny! My post was encouraging good communication skills so that does show some, good job.

Other than that, blaze wasn’t world changing, but I have a few questions for people who’ve been premium longer than me. Do they accumulate, the blazes, if you don’t use them? Or is it use it or lose it every month? Also, what is the etiquette surrounding blazing other people’s posts? I can imagine that could be nice, or more likely, funny, but does the recipient get to decline it if they don’t want it? I’m fine with opening myself up to anon hate, but I wouldn’t like to potentially subject someone else to it without warning.

Tell me your thoughts, o inner circle of the chaos hellsite.

[benoitblanc]

hey arwen, long time no see!! hope you're doing well! 💜

i know nothing about txf besides what i've gleaned from this hellsite which is a) mulder is a lovable idiot, b) scully both loves him (almost against her will??), and c) they literally invented shipping BUT tell me about your top 5 txf episodes!!!

hi mitali i have been EXTREMELY patchy on here lately haven't i lol. local woman appears on tumblr to write ten meta posts about the x files and then disappears again! i'm doing okay; my real life has been kind of chaotic (had to last-minute cancel a trip i have been desperate to go on for years so :/ but! on the bright side it means i get to see my flatmates sooner than i thought and i miss them even though i've been gone from my flat for like a week and a half lol). how have you been???

those are very accurate txf vibes but i will say that scully is a very active and willing participant in being in love with mulder even though he can be very very stupid at times lol. i hope you watch it someday- i think it would be right up your alley! kind of similar doctor who ecological niche of being weird, heartfelt, politically relevant sci-fi with no consistent quality or tone.

ANYWAY. top 5 txf episodes, bearing in mind that i've technically only watched up until the end of the fourth season so far; i'm just a ho for spoilers:

pusher (3.17)... what can i say about pusher that i haven't said already. a lot, probably, because every single day i log on here and i see someone's written new meta about pusher that makes the entire show make more sense. it's just... it's txf distilled to its barest elements. it's about trust and codependency and a supernatural force that is made all the more unsettling by the fact that at its core it is just some guy. it's funny and terrifying and heartfelt all at once. the russian roulette scene changed television

clyde bruckman's final repose (3.04) is also just so txf. darin morgan (the writer) tended to write episodes that were so absurdist they wrapped back around to satirical, but this is far and away my favorite of his because it's not too bonkers. i love coprophages and from outer space especially, but clyde bruckman is a little more grounded, and it manages to be sarcastic and sincere in equal measure. and i love when scully gets to solve the mystery

irresistible (2.13), which is famous for being pretty much the only txf episode where there isn't actually an x-file. and it's SO fucked up. it is hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire sh- well. besides the episode that they banned from reruns for like a decade for being so fucked up, it's hands-down the most fucked up episode of the entire show

beyond the sea (1.13) and paper hearts (4.10) are thematic sisters so i'm keeping them together. they're both about choosing to move past grief instead of wallowing in it and choosing the future over the past. so what if a criminal says they can give you the answers you've spent your whole life chasing? what matters is that you're at your partner's hospital bedside when he wakes up from an injury, or that you save a little girl's life

right now? probably ice (1.08), because i just rewatched it with my flatmate (who is going through s1 for the first time and is almost as obsessed as i am). it's like if midnight doctor who and the thing had a baby. normally i think this slot would go to duane barry/ascension/one breath (2.05/2.06/2.08) or nisei/731 (3.09/3.10), which are the tightest, tensest episodes relating to the show's overarching mythology

honorable mention goes to elegy (4.22) because the a-plot is a very 90s depiction of neurodivergence and it's not the best-handled thing i've ever seen, but the character showcase of scully in the b-plot gave me fucking brain worms. i cannot stop thinking about it. it's haunting.

also, memento mori (4.14). vince gilligan and gillian anderson you're splitting my therapy bill

ask my top 5/10 anything!!!

[thetriumphantpanda]

hi charlie! 

to say the vibes have been off lately would be an understatement, wouldn’t it? because there has been a lot of negativity, too much for a place that is supposed to be about finding an outlet for your creativity and people to share your interests.

i know it has been difficult, draining to be around here and face all the discourse cankering the fandom. 

because of all this negativity, i believe it is important to try and balance it out with some kindness. so here i am, doing a little check-up on you <3

so first, how are you, really?

everything you feel regarding what is happening is valid and you deserve to feel happy and safe around here. so please, make sure you take the time you need from posting, from sharing fics, even just from being on the platform. i want you to know it’s okay and i support whatever you decide, for whatever reason.

i also want you to know that you have your place here, as much as the rest of us. you’re loved and wanted and i can assure you the fandom is a far better place with you in it.

i hope you’re taking care of yourself outside of tumblr as well. please remember to stay hydrated and to eat something 🫶🏼

now i would like you to sit back and enjoy the perfect, quiet night in with joel <3

do not hesitate to reach out if you need to talk, i’m here for you! sending you all my love and so many hugs 🫂

anna 💗

Ahhh Anna, this is so sweet of you - thank you for taking the time to try and combat so much of the negativity on here by spreading some love - it's so important!

I have had so many thoughts about what's been going on lately, some of which I'll share here, but I'll put under a read-more so if you're not wanting to read discourse, you don't have to!

I'm going to go and enjoy my quiet night in with Joel, because that would absolutely fix me right now and thank you for sharing that with me. He's making me a cup of tea right now and is going to bring it to me, we'll watch TV and I will continue crocheting a blanket for us to snuggle up under!

Take care of yourself Anna, and thank you for always being kind and wonderful on here!

If you've been around here a while, you'll know that I rarely, if ever, get involved and wade into the discourse that floats around often. It's not because I don't care, it's because this blog has, and always will be, my way to escape the pressure of my real life. I have enough personal drama to contend with outside of the internet, and I very rarely want to allow it to bleed into the one space I have where I can escape for some peace.

That being said, it has become harder and harder for me to ignore the absolute storm of shit that has been swirling these past weeks. My friends and mutuals having their works blatantly stolen and then receiving hate when calling this out. People I look up to and whose writing I enjoy being attacked for presenting certain kinks. The insane rise in anon hate being spouted not just here, but across other sites as well. It's all too much and it all has to stop.

The people on this site create fic because they enjoy it. They graciously and selflessly write thousands of words for your enjoyment, for free might I add, without asking for very much in return. They write often around full-time jobs, school work and through personal and health issues. They agonise over making sure their work is as good as they can make it. They don't owe you anything, we don't owe you anything. We do this because we enjoy it, but the current climate on this absolute hellsite is making the enjoyment really fucking hard to find these days.

Be kind to each other. Stop hiding behind the cloak of anonymity to spew hate and be mean. Stop stealing other people's work. If you come across a fic that has warnings or themes that aren't your cup of tea, stop reading and walk away. Take a step back and think about what will happen if writers are continuously driven off this site.

[neuroticbookworm]

Current Tag Game

Tagged by my dear friends/mutuals/incoherent scream sesh partners @twig-tea (here), @colourme-feral (here), @blmpff (here), @telomeke (here) and @waitmyturtles (here)

Current Time: nearly 5:00 PM

Current activity: Doomscrolling on social media (not recommended), writing this post (highly recommended, please interact on Tumblr, that's what makes this hellsite fun!)

Currently thinking about: Just watched the IFYLITA finale this morning with my bestie @lurkingshan, so my brain is currently ??????-ing all the different iterations of Yai we got to see (I like that Commander Yai looks more self-assured and confident than our widdle-20-something-lost-and-confused-baby Yai, but, DEAR LORD, The Mustache has to go. Just.. nope. Get that man a razor, STAT). Oh, and also, thinking about dinner.

Current favourite song: I recently watched Utsukushii Kare / My Beautiful Man (Season 1) a few days ago and I have the song from the opening credits stuck in my head on repeat: Caramel / カラメル by Mosawo / もさを。(Original MV with English captions)

(I'm also gonna link the Utsukushii Kare Lyric MV from MBS because I want Kiyoi's pretty face on my post)

I've also been feeling nostalgic lately and listening to some decade-old bangers from my teen years (ah time, thou art a cruel wench)

Patakha Guddi lyrics, translated from Hindi, here

Mogathirai lyrics, translated from Tamil, here

Currently reading: Nothin' but meta posts from the lovely big-brained folks of Tumblrville

Currently watching: Oooooh. I actually wrapped up a lot of live watches and caught up on some incredible shows last week, so lemme do 3 mini-lists:

Recently Watched: Only Friends, Utsukushii Kare / My Beautiful Man, If It's With You / Kimi to Nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo, I Feel You Linger In The Air

Currently Watching: Midnight Diner / Shinya Shokudo, endless reruns of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Community

Next-Up on the Watchlist: I Cannot Reach You / Kimi ni wa Todokanai, Shadow, Dark Blue Kiss, Middleman's Love, Last Twilight, Playboyy, The Whisperer

Current favourite character: Ryuji from If It's With You.

< mild spoilers ahead for If It's With You >

This show did an incredible job portraying two people who have different levels/intensities of desire for one another and I was *floored* when Ryuji responded to Amane's confession in episode 4 with so much care, thoughtfulness and respect for both Amane's desire and his own boundaries. "Please make it one sided for a while" will live in my head rent free for the foreseeable future.

And Amane and Ryuji's conversation at the beach in the finale was another heartfelt and expertly written moment. I deeply adore how Ryuji basically went "I miss you and want to meet you whenever I feel like it, and if that means being a lover, then so be it. Let's date".

So yeah, I'm in love with this highly articulate, fictional, Japanese teenage boy

Current WIP: Ohhhhh man, SO MANY. The most pressing one is a retrospective meta on the Only Friends finale, which I must release into the wild before people move on from the show

Tags: I'm epically late to this one, so I might tag folks who have already done this, so if I do, apologies, friends!

@bengiyo, @italianpersonwithashippersheart, @sunshinechay, @syrena-del-mar, @ranchthoughts, @troubled-mind, @sorry-bonebag, @so-much-yet-to-learn and anyone else who wants to participate. No presh!

[tavina-writes]

Thank you to @nemainofthewater for tagging me! This feels like it's fun but also yes, very long, so I will also stick this under some cut tags lol.

1. why did you choose your url?

To be perfectly honest, Tavina is a character that middle school me came up with for a novel (The full name is Tavina Arax Vale which. Is the most middle school of OC names truly.) Nowadays it's like: I'm Tavina and I write so!

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

tavinafanfiction and tavina-hanfu. I feel like these are self explanatory but I also don't...use them. For many reasons mostly I'm lazy and I assume everyone wants to see all my posts anyway!

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

At least 10 years. I grew up here. I think my oldest post and or reblog is from April 2018, but I've been on here for much much longer.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I don't! Occasionally I remember to put stuff in there but most of the time I just reblog stuff when I see it.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

To be honest, I have no idea. To write poetry maybe?

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

This is an Ibuki Satsuki painting I thought was pretty and Ibuki has illustrated a bunch of cnovels that I enjoy.

7. why did you choose your header?

To be honest I thought it was pretty and it was a fun place I visited!

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

It's that one where I cry about writing, which has just passed 10k somehow, miraculously.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

a number greater than five. But honestly I have no idea is this something people know/can check?

10. how many followers do you have?

437

11. how many people do you follow?

355

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Probably? I don't make lots of original posts. I guess the crying about writing post is a shitpost?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I spend too much of my life on this hellsite (affectionate) so much so that my sense of humor is permanently altered.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Yeah. I mean. Did we see the dust up last week that I'm still questioning my sanity about lmao lolsob.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

I don't really reblog those.

16. do you like tag games?

Oh I love them! it is so so hard for me to remember they exist.

17. do you like ask games

I love them and I am so bad at answering asks. I try! but uh, my askbox is very hefty.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Perhaps @mikkeneko? I see you around in the wild! Also @thebiscuiteternal perhaps?

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

No

20. what is the last song you listened to?

Burning Desire by Lana Del Rey. It just came up on my youtube suggested.

21. what are you currently watching?

The Story of Minglan with @autumnslantern. It's the 8th or 9th time I've seen these episodes and the first time Lantern's seen them!

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?

ALL

23. what is your current relationship status?

Single.

24. what is your current obsession?

YARN YARN YARN YARNNNN

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

uhhh lets see:

Tu Honggang's 武家坡 which has me in a death grip

I Love You So F***ing Much by the Glass Animals

Cacophony by Paris Paloma

Poor Sweet Me by Lucette

化 by 西游乐队

random cycling of Mao Buyi songs.

Side Story of the Fox Volant Soundtrack

The Sound of Snow Falling/Yanxi Palace Soundtrack

Mermaids by Florence and the Machine

Tagging @cerusee, @dangermousie, @saiditallbefore, @thebiscuiteternal, and anyone else who sees this and wants to play!

[miercolaes]

okay. so i have been thinking about you in general for a while now, but the fact that it’s nye (well, nyd for me! i’m living in the future!!) prompted me to finally message you. you are one of my favourite people on this silly little site, and i really, really mean that. your writing is spectacular, your posts about wednesday are always so passionate and detailed, and i just really really adore everything you’re doing with her. and that you’ve kept it up even after the wednesday rpc died. i am so glad you didn’t die with it!! i’ll never forget the day you messaged me about being affiliates, because when the message popped up on my phone, i was literally watching jenna ortega in a show on television. in that. exact moment. and seeing her made me think of you, and i remember thinking to myself ‘when this is over, i’m going to pluck up the courage and ask veronica if she’d like to be affiliates.’ but you beat me to it! i know we don’t get to write or chat heaps these days, (and that’s purely on me bc i have been so slack lately), but i hope you know that i treasure every single conversation, every single thread we’ve ever written. you’re such a special person, and i’m so so lucky to know you. you’re so talented, thoughtful and kind, and i!!! i hope that 2024 is everything you hope it will be, and more!

as always, i'm going to put a uno reverse on you and i'm afraid i might have to use the read more function.

frankie my beloved! words can't even begin to describe how grateful i am for you being part of my silly life. believe it or not, it's been almost a year since we've became mutuals on this hellsite (it was 20th january, according to my previous blog) and honestly? i have no idea when the time has passed. but i want you to know that i treasure you and any of our interactions so much, be it ic or ooc.

now i gotta admit it's lowkey hilarious how that specific conversation went down. and i'm here to say : GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE. otherwise, i can't phantom how we both thought of the same thing at the same time. i can assure you i am not some kind of mind reader, the only tricks i can pull (and poorly, at best, may i add) are ones with cards. therefore, the only valid explanation is that we have great minds that maybe share one brain cell.

joke's aside, this is now my time to tell you something i've been meaning to for a while now. i've admired you and everything you do for that matter ever since i found your janessa blog. and btw, in my mind your janessa is an oc. like, i know i follow many other wonderful people writing eleven / jane, but i swear my brain can't comprehend that it's the same character. and particularly your version of janessa is something else. you got me to the point i actually think stranger things' el birth name is janessa. still baffled that it isn't. but i only know of janessa, written by the one and only frankie. i am so glad i gathered the courage to ask you to be affiliates because, first and foremost, you helped me a lot when it came to understanding how my own version of wednesday works. but wait, there's more!!! i hope you won't take this the wrong way, and hopefully i'll phrase it accordingly, but i was and still kind of am intimidated by you and what you do writing - wise. not in a im afraid of interacting with you, but moreso i am in awe at everything you do. i can see you put a lot of thought in janessa and what comes out is just too beautiful to be true (and it is true??). you're a bloody brilliant writer and tbh you inspire me to delve deeper into my own characters. i adore everything you do, but even if you weren't, who you are seals the deal. you're an amazing friend and icb this hellsite made it possible that i got to meet you.

it doesn't matter when you respond to me. it doesn't matter what you do with your blogs. because no matter what, as long as you'll have me, your local cryptid, i will follow you into the infernal pit and back. while it's true that i love wednesday and janessa interacting, i treasure the vero and frankie ones more. no matter how frequent it is. i'm glad i've met you. and you won't be getting rid of me easily (this is a direct and immediate threat btw). whether we'll pull a mind reading again or just chill, i'm looking forward to it all. i love you and your brand and i'm glad you too survived the stranger things purge that keeps on coming and going lmao

[the-second-soshening]

ok! sunday time!

this one is a really obscure anime. i've never met anybody who's heard of it, but maybe you know what it is?

all i'll tell you is that it was produced by studio trigger. take some time to chew on that...

stuff soshi thinks you should watch no. 35: dungeon meshi (delicious in dungeon) (ryoko kui + studio trigger, 2024)

oh, wait. this is tumblr. nevermind then.

yeah, i know i'm really late to the watching party but i finally finished dungeon meshi! woot!

now, i'm pretty sure that everyone and their familiar on this hellsite have watched dungeon meshi, but i'll still try to keep this spoiler-free (emphasis on try).

but first, some awards!

senshi gets best boy with kuro in second. incidentally kuro also gets the "you share the same name with a character from a trigger anime that also features anthro characters" award.

senshi also gets hottest bod award!! elf senshi gets second place

izutsumi gets best girl with falin in second. or maybe marcille, i can't tell yet. actually, maybe falin gets first...i don't know yet it's a really close competition

izutsumi also gets the "new unorthodox transition goal" award!!! i know i'd have to get cursed but i don't care,

GET ME HOOKED UP ON THAT SHIT

marcille and falin get cutest couple. marcille and sky fish get second place!!

chilchuck gets shortest character. he's gonna do something not nice to me now but he's gonna have to reach me first lmao

laios gets freakiest fella award!!! bro needs to take a chill pill

tansu gets participation trophy (i couldn't even remember your name sorry)

ok, enough of that. what did i think of the show?

if i'm gonna be honest, it took me a long time to really warm up to dungeon meshi, though it's really hard for me to commit to watch any series. to be blunt, i first thought that a lot of the worldbuilding, at least the way it was initially presented, was kind of generic. i think i was worried that this show was going to be too reliant on rpg tropes.

it actually took me a few months to get through the first half, which is why my recollection of most of the show is fuzzy at best. (i don't have a good memory for most things, so it's not like i remember a lot of the second half either.) (on that note, if i get a lot of the lore wrong i'm sorry.)

i still stuck with it, of course! turning monsters into food was a really fun concept—i'm working on a project that also involves fantasy food, so it was interesting to see how other works approached it. but also, the show has a really great sense of humor.

dungeon meshi rarely takes itself seriously. it has its moments, but the whole show is really lighthearted. it's the type of tone i'd like to try out with my own projects.

anyways, i'm glad i stuck with it, cuz when i got to the second half, i really got into it. most of it was really getting attached to the characters. but...

a lot of it was the new op and ed, too! (it wouldn't be a sstysw post without me talking about the visuals.)

the colors in the second op look super beautiful. i'm not sure what about them appeals to me so much. i think it's because of their lighter values? it really fits the sort of "playful" tone that dungeon meshi usually has.

and the ed is just...wow. i don't think i've watched a credits sequence that gave me the same sort of feelings since bna. the music, along with kui's illustrations, just give me this sort of indescribable feeling. it's not exactly nostalgia...it feels more like a "it's been a long day and now you're going home" type of vibe. it fits perfectly with dungeon meshi!

anyways, that might be it from me. i'm trying to watch every one of studio trigger's works because they've become a huge influence on my art. i've previously seen bna and little witch academia, and i think promare might be next on my list.

suffice to say, dungeon meshi is definitely going to be a show on my mind for a long time!

[foxbox23232]

Hey I just wanted to share as encouragement. Never underestimate the power of telling the truth. This man used to i guess have a crush on me in middle school on the bus he told me. I thought it was funny or whatever nbd and then decided to tell him my testimony randomly and probably decided to based on his posts because we are in the end times and people are more depressed and suicidal more than EVER BEFORE. At the time he gave a pretty unbeliever response. I just spoke with love and was on my way and stopped bothering him. Maybe year or so ago. Nothing weird or anything just sharing the gospel. Recently he started posting about the gospel and it just goes to show it’s not really about you. It’s about how deep they want to go. It’s about if they want to know the Truth or not. It has pretty much nothing to do with you 99% of the time. But I’ll tell you what, being honest, open, and loving really does make a difference in conversations. And really reveals and reflects biblically Gods heart for his people.

I’ve actually been seeing a lot of posts about Jesus lately and I do try to comment or whatever I see about it and of course I make posts about Jesus. Facebook is probably the least demonic social media for some reason probably because we actually talk, learn, have discussion, don’t jump the gun like twitter, probably the best social media if you’re a Christian or like learning IMO I’ve been seeing a lot of people I know come forward about their republican beliefs or Jesus as well. I also really enjoy tumblr because you can post whatever you want and collect things you learn about. I like how it has nothing to do with anyone you really know if you don’t want it to. I like how you’re free to express yourself on here. I know this website is kind of known as a “hellsite” but TBH it is what you make your blog about.

This man is also schizophrenic and although I want to be the one to help him I also know depending on how bad he wants the truth God could just do it and totally heal him and deliver him from that demonic spirit. And FYI science says there is no cure for schizophrenia but it is 100% curable with God. And instantly too… which again is impossible according to science. So ya science is good for nothing maybe?

[darael]

Oooof, there's some serious problems with that essay (its examples hold up only if you assume that the specific problem that may have been alleviated was the only moral dimension to the situation and actions in question, and in only one of those cases was that true¹) and it doesn't really describe what's happening here anyway. It's not that people think, as proposed by this idea of Copenhagen ethics, that observing and acknowledging the existence of a problem makes them culpable. If they thought that, they'd be trying to ignore or deny the genocide, because under the Copenhagen interpretation not acknowledging it would keep them pure of culpability.

No, this is a matter of people conflating the (true, valid, useful) idea that there is always something beyond the dichotomy with the (film-script, fiction) notion that The Third Option must necessarily be easy and pure. As we who are discussing this know, it often isn't. It's often the hardest of all, and has problems of its own. Because like @deadnotsleeping413 said, there is at least theoretically third option here besides one of the two genocidal maniacs becoming president… but as the sarcasm indicates, it isn't pure or easy. In fact, it's so not-easy that it is far too late to make it happen before the choice must next be made.

I saw it said on the formerly-blue hellsite(derogatory) that "if the choice is between Hitler and Mussolini the answer is to destroy the government", and the thing is that there does come a point where that's true — but you'd better be damned sure that you will actually do so, and in a way that doesn't manage to be worse than either by preserving the attitudes that created them while also making a whole lot of extra suffering along the way, and those using pithy lines to equivocate the outcomes don't have a plan or even much intent to do anything besides wait for someone else to do the revolution for them.

Consequentialist ethics are great (if you're sensible about them, and realise that you have to temper them with at least enough intentionalism to use the consequences that could reasonably be foreseen rather than what happens regardless of predictability), but you have to consider all the consequences of all the options. If something is a consequence of all your choices, then you need to make it a non-factor in that decision. That doesn't mean you can't affect it — it means you are looking at the wrong decision point from which to do so. That's why the people scolding those voting uncommitted in primaries to express their displeasure at Biden's support for Israeli atrocities are being just as ridiculous as the ones intending to abstain from the general — the former are pretending that the choice in the primary is the same choice as the one in the general with the same outcomes, and the latter are pretending that the choice in the general is the only one. Both groups are pretending there's only one point at which a decision is made.

You are, each and every one of you, a unique and nuanced person. You contain multitudes. You can, should, and — I guarantee — do care about multiple things, which sometimes appear to be in conflict. No, not just "appear": sometimes, in practical terms even if not in ideological ones, they are in conflict. But the way you reject the dichotomy of "bad thing A or bad thing B" isn't to make a single third choice that produces neither A nor B: it's to reject the dichotomy of choose now or never. If you can't use this moment to prevent both, look for another moment you can use on one of them, and use your choice now to work on the other.

And to those reading who have a third option that will actually improve things overall and necessitate not choosing the furthest-left of the way-over-to-the-right set of actually viable candidates in the meantime… please do tell me what it is and how you plan to achieve it (even if that's just "by doing what this specific other person, who has a better plan than I can come up with because I am just one Internet rando, says"). I'd love to know. I won't be implementing it in the next US elections because I am neither a citizen nor a resident of that country, but maybe I can adapt it to my own.

1: two examples: criticism of Uber is not actually based exclusively on their use of surge-pricingprice-gouging, but also on their constant skirting of regulations, blatantly anticompetitive businesses practices, and mistreatment of "independent contractor" employees-in-all-but-name and customers alike; and PETA's "go vegan to get your bills paid" stunt had more dimensions to it than just that of bill payment. The only one that actually holds up under even a moment's thought is the case of tracking nonparticipants in a programme that was already operating at capacity, and calling them a control group.

You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".

Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.

[rogalion]

Skew-T graphs will be the death of me

hi if you thought i’d strictly post art here well you’re DEAD WRONG and i am an UNHINGED METEOROLOGY MAJOR so here we fucking go hellsite

before i even get to the behemoth that is a Skew-T I have to talk about the previous lab I did so let’s talk about SOUNDINGS from a RADIOSONDE.

Every day at 0000UTC and 1200UTC here in the united states if a NWS station has enough helium and/or budget to do so they launch a WEATHER BALLOON. 

ATTACHED TO THESE IS A VERY IMPORTANT STYROFOAM BOX called a RADIOSONDE. They collect all the data as the balloon goes up including pressure, altitude, wind speed, temperature, dew point depression, a lot of important things. The data they collect is collectively called a SOUNDING and the raw data looks like this: 

72235 TTAA 67121 72235 99000 21017 19009 00089 ///// ///// 92761 16015 19531 85482 14650 20036 70094 05873 21528 50576 12560 25060 40742 25746 25061 30944 42759 24566 25064 49769 25586 20209 54583 25588 15390 61181 26582 10638 67979 26553 88119 67779 24568 77176 26099 41116 31313 58208 81106 51515 10164 00000 10194 19530 20031= and so on there are like two other parts that look a lot like this.

I’m not gonna tell you how we decode these but basically at required pressure levels such as 1000, 925, 850, 700 hPA, etc. it tells us the temperature, dew point depression, altitude in geopotential meters/decameters, wind direction, and wind speed. The next two parts say the same stuff but at more levels and are more specific.

ALL THAT SHIT gets put on THIS FUCKER.

THIS IS CALLED A SKEW-T DIAGRAM.

i have to plot DATA on THIS for my lab due TOMORROW which is already late because I missed two crucial days in class due to mental health and my dog being sick so I’ve been taking notes on them ALL WEEKEND.

I love data as much as the next STEM major who loves data, but which dumbass decided that we were gonna make a menace of a graph that tries to fit as much information in a single goddamn thing as possible? I have no clue. Here’s what you get to know about this.

The horizontal lines with labels in the middle of them reading numbers like 1000, 950, 900, in intervals of 50 and using hectoPascal units are ISOBARS. These are lines of constant pressure and in meteorology we use these because pressure levels are far more relevant than altitude, and how high or low they are moves around so it’d get even more confusing even quicker if we actually used height (which we do but not right now I have enough on my plate).

The diagonal orange lines with the positive slope (so they point like [ / ] ) are called ISOTHERMS. If you’re already catching on you’ll figure these are lines of constant temperature which in this diagram is in degrees Celsius labeled I think within the respective isotherm here. The labeling schemes are not actually standardized which makes me want to strangle someone but I better get over that fast because there’s a lot of shit like that in meteorology. USUALLY they’re labeled at the bottom of the chart but not here because fuck me i guess.

Those are the easy ones. NOW I GET TO TALK ABOUT ADIABATS.

oh my god are they even. where the fuck are my dry adiabats. OH GOD I HAVE TO SQUINT

The very faint orange lines in the background that like, fuck, how do I describe them. The faint orange lines that look like they’re perpendicular to the isotherms (they are not) but are actually curved like the bottom half of the letter C are called DRY ADIABATS. These are lines of CONSTANT POTENTIAL TEMPERATURE. What the fuck does that mean? GOOD QUESTION. 

Dry Adiabats indicate the rate of change of the temperature of a parcel of dry air rising or descending adiabatically, meaning with no loss (or gain) of heat by the parcel. For each multiple of 10 degrees C, that Dry Adiabat shares its label with the respective Isotherm reflecting the temperature of its point of intersection with the 1000 hPA isobar. If your eyes glazed over and you didn’t understand a word I just said, that’s fine. Me neither.

So what’s constant potential temperature? It’s constant temperature we THINK it is. So that line could, potentially, represent that temperature. Maybe. I love science.

The green lines that make a really stretched out S sometimes, I don’t know how to describe these, these are called SATURATION ADIABATS, or MOIST ADIABATS, or SATURATION PSEUDO-ADIABATS. Nothing is standardized and I am suffering immeasurably. They represent lines of constant equivalent potential temperature. What the fuck does THAT mean? 

GOOD QUESTION! They represent the rate of change in temperature of a rising parcel of saturated air, assuming all condensed water vapor is liquid and falls out as the parcel rises (this is known as the pseudo-adiabatic assumption). Before you ask, I don’t know either. Pseudo-adiabatic dude just trust me.

Saturation Adiabats are labeled with the celsius temperature value of its point of intersection with the 1000 hPa isobar, and they share that label with the dry adiabats and isotherms.

Finally, the dashed lines with the positive slope are called SATURATION MIXING-RATIO LINES. AKA: HUMIDITY MIXING-RATIO LINES. They represent constant values of water vapor capacity, meaning the number of grams of water per kg of dry air required to saturate said air at a particular temperature and pressure. They’re confusingly and terrifyingly labeled at the bottom of the diagram with a range of 0.1 g/kg to 40g/kg in parts of water vapor per 1000 parts of dry air. Because the vapor capacity of air varies non-linearly with temperature, the intervals for labeling these are NOT uniform.

Congrats that’s all the lines, here’s a image that tells you that quicker and better:

oh yeah and on the right side Wind is plotted somewhere just like it is in any other weather station plot with the flags and the staff in the direction the wind is coming from etc. etc. yeah. 

I wrote this while procrastinating on this exact assignment I had to decode a sounding and now I have to plot the temperature and dew point lines on one of these fuckers see y’all later for another stupid weather rant wahoo if im wrong on anything I’m sorry mostly to myself because that means I’m about to fail this lab bye bye

[hellincarnation]

I’m Helliote or Eden and I brought some Ribena (a black current juice)

Im really thankful for all of my friends. I stepped into social media overthinking everything. And sometimes I still do. I started with a lot of loneliness in my heart, paired with bitterness made me sour and angry with everything. But then I started meeting more people, I started making friends and sharing my experiences with others.

Sure here’s times I’ve felt like I could die, and times I’ve reached such depths of hell I thought I couldn’t survive anymore. But I’m being completely serious when I say so many people here have done so much for me. Whether it be laughing at my jokes or talking to me.

I’m grateful for everyone I’ve met here, here are some people I’m grateful for:

@im-on-crack-send-help I thought and still think you were very cool, you helped me gain more confidence and although we joke that I’m stealing all your moots, I’m grateful to you for letting me meet more people. You’re ridiculously nice to me, even though I’m a solid bastard most of the time.

@jeahreading damn, my first friend on this blog. When I talk to you I feel like I could talk forever, I don’t make friends very fast but after 1-2 days of knowing you, you made me feel comfortable and safe. It’s heartening to know that we might have squabbles but if either of us ever have a period where we need help, the other will drop everything.

@mireyaaaaaaaaa Talking to you might be overwhelming sometimes, but you never fail to make my day. I may have horrible mood swings sometimes, but hearing you being excited is horribly infectious, even if I’m gloomy that day, I can’t help but laugh when you go on a rant about smth that happened.

@your-dazzling-sun Wowie, we’ve been friends for a solid time now. Ever since the older days, but thanks for always being there for me (EVEN IF YOUR MESSAGES ARESOOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOO LAGGY) I remember my first interaction w you being about how we’re from the same country-

@lovely-rants-alot my queen, my girlboss, my favourite lesbian, you’re always there (sometimes concerningly late into the night) and you’re just easy to talk to. I’m mad at Indonesia that we aren’t able to meet up irl. Thanks for being there for me:)

@schrodinger-ka-billa our dynamic has gone through some changes through the past 3 weeks but the time you took to tell me about mythology is appreciated. I loved hearing about all the different characters :)

@shinchansbitch lol I was properly scared of you when I first joined this hellsite. But after several talks, chats and clowning, I can properly say that I would take a bullet for you. I’m being so fr rn.

@unhinged-as-hell Literally formed a core part of who I am right you. Through the whole ykw situation, you kept me grounded and focused. You’re probably one of my biggest role models and I thank you for making me as strong as I am right now. I can’t promise that I won’t forget you 10 years later, but I’ll remember the things you’ve taught me. keep burning.

@tamanna-and-her-struggles WOAH- you might no that’s wrong- you ARE the sweetest friend I have on this site. You’re fucking amazing, I enjoy talking to you a lot and your patience is unreal. When I’m feeling shitty, you make me feel way better :) you aren’t, won’t, will never be annoying to me, no matter what anyone says.

@lotuseaterwhowistlesthedark thanks for spamming my posts. I know it’s something that some people will overlook but opening my blog to see you bombarding me with likes is so fucking appreciated. I would love to be better friends with you if you ever want :)

@daonedaonlyskh You are so so sweet and an amazing writer/storyteller. You never fail to ask me how I am, and that really makes me feel cared for. I would also take several bullets for you, keep going bi bi bisexual.

@depressed-bi-twerking I know we haven’t been friends long, but you’re hella funny to talk to. Even though you’re an Eminem chronic listener, I still wanna be better friends with you if you ever want to

@zeherili-ankhein HELLO????? Your blog is a HIVE for me to learn more about Hinduism. You’re also hella fucking funny and makes me laugh with no fail. Bestest war criminal in existence. I wanna be better friends with you ;))))

Happy Mootsgiving, everyone!

So, technically, I know Thanksgiving is an American holiday… history… yadda yadda. However, this is not Thanksgiving.

This is Mootsgiving, and what I say goes ‘cause this is my holiday. Anyway! Mootsgiving is all the basic ideas of Thankgiving but better because I’m great like that.

I just wanted to show everyone how grateful I am, since gratefulness is a key principle of Thanksgiving.

I want all my moots from different countries to be able to have the picture-perfect movie-esque Thanksgiving of being surrounded by friends and family with all the care and love and gratefulness that can be poured into a single human. And, as the ever-dramatic Runar, what better way to do that than to organize a huge event?

So! Rules!

State what food you brought

State one thing you’re thankful for

My name is Runar, I brought the eggnog, and I’m grateful for each and every one of you 💗🫶

Really sappy and really long paragraph/speech under the cut!!

Soooo… to start off my big long speech… *clinks my fancy wine glass that’s filled with a mysterious substance* (It’s eggnog)

When I first started this blog, it was off a whim. I wanted to do something, something that involved putting my work out there, as I was just starting out. I wanted to mean something. In any sort of way, I wanted to leave a sort of mark. Not just any mark, though, no. I wanted to add a bit of joy, a spark of life that comes from creativity, and adding words and love into the space we occupy on this floating rock in space.

I wanted to write because it made me happy, and I wanted there to be a possibility of someone who was who got joy from reading to maybe stumble upon it, and get joy from me. Get joy from something I was able to provide for them.

I was also incredibly lonely. I had no friends, I had nothing, pretty much. I didn’t talk much. I was reclusive. I was okay, but I was empty. I didn’t have a purpose. And while I wasn’t expecting much, nothing at all really, I was overjoyed at the prospect that maybe just one person would stumble upon something I wrote and for a moment of their day, maybe they got peace from it.

Maybe they felt a little less lonely. I would have been at peace with just knowing the possibility of it was out there. And then… it did. And I got more than I bargained for, even, I got a friend. My first friend.

From there, everything… clicked. Slowly, but ever so surely, things were falling into place. I was gaining something that had not even crossed my mind. A family.

So, my silly dream born from a whim became friends, connections, and family, it became life-altering. It had ups, it had downs, it had in-betweens. It was beautiful and messy and happy and sad and fucked up and so wonderfully… human?

Yeah, this is online, this is a silly mootsgiving idea I thought up three hours ago because I wanted people to know I love them.

But to someone who had nothing, this is everything. You are everything.

Even if we’ve only talked one time, you have a special place in my heart. The character growth has been… one hell of a ride. I’ve gone through many eras, and made new friends in each and every one of them. So, with the end of the year closing soon, I suppose in a way this is not just a silly mootsgiving.

My bigger end goal, really, was to make sure as we get to the end of this ear, you know how genuinely important this whole year has been to me. How important you have been. I got an anon ask,

What does it feel like to be wanted?

It was beautiful poetry. I replied, said I wouldn’t know what it feels like to be wanted. But really? I think maybe I do. I think it feels like having enough people that you love to organize and invite everyone to a huge event online, to write out this heartfelt paragraph and trust that at least one person will care enough to read it.

My beginning goal has changed so much, and not at all. My biggest purpose in life has been, and I think will always be, to add something into this world.

Creativity, joy, happiness, compassion, I want to ensure that no matter what, as long as you know me, you know you have one person on this earth who loves and cares about you with as much feeling that can physically be felt by one person without exploding into a bunch of tiny little runar pieces.

But moreso, I think maybe my goal has changed from wanting to put stories out there, to putting myself out there. I don’t want to write stories that are just fiction, just crafted ideas meshed together to create a blob of fiction.

I want to write pieces of myself into everything, which i think might genuinely be impossible to not do. I want my heart to pour out of my fingers into the things i type out for you, and i want to not only feel things, but to maybe make you feel something too. Something warm and fuzzy, something good, as good as you deserve.

Aaaaannnd…. to end this….

I love you guys, thanks for being here <3

@marauding-almond @percyweasleyapologist @yesiamprocrastinating @dieatthealtar-deactivated @caramel-covered-apples @thatoneslytherinnerd @thatoneslytherinnerd2

@hedgehog-troops@circe-butbetter @stars-on-my-bedroom-ceiling @l1ve-l4ugh-lov3craft @aidens-ocean-galaxy@rainystarsx@liggy-not-potter @goformoony@i-still-got-love-for-you @definitionoffuckup@mairon-goth-minion

@weewooooweew @residentdisaster @matty-os-blog @starkissed-mars @printershorts @the1970sdeadgaywizard-regulus @lesbian-disaster-tm @star-dust-shark @enbysiriusblack @sadnappo @kawaiibarty @hershey-not-the-chocolate-maybe

@jamespotterbbg @scrumblewonk @seekmemystar @rins-batcave @utterqueerdisasterthesimp @gasolinehornet @asters-tempo @here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can @permetutotheworld @theprongspotter @sotiredimbored @yourlocalbadgerscales @raeprise @burgundykicks @whydousernamesevenexist @jaydove-writes @the-stars-drowning @inara-tries-to-survive @saturnsconstellation @royallygray

[fbfh]

last first kiss - dustin henderson x reader fluff

wc: 1.3k

genre: FLUFF!!!!!!!!!!, friends to lovers, pining

pairing: dustin x gn reader

warnings: some suzie mentions, steve is bad at relationship advice (what's new), dustin is crushing hardcore on you, kissing in mike wheeler's basement, mentions of past encounters with demogorgons and monsters, allusions to events from seasons 1 - 3, ambiguous timeline but takes place after season 3, Will catches you kissing lol

summary: while waiting for your friends, you and dustin get to talking and he tells you that he broke up with suzie. he doesn't tell you he broke up with her because he's had a crush on you since the snowball, but maybe finally working up the nerve to kiss you will be a good way to confess.

song rec: young love - coby grant, last first kiss - one direction

a/n: i tried to fix a typo in a JJ fic and it got posted like a week early because tumblr is a hellsite :) anyway please enjoy this ty for the request it was literally so adorable!!!!!

tags: @yesv01 @hopefullhearts @littlewinter1917 @thatawkwardlittlefangirl  @sad-brunnettee @ilikemypolarbear @lubsana @cowboylikekelsey @paris-loves-dustin

With all the crazy things you and your friends have been through lately, especially Will, it seemed long overdue to surprise him with a fun night together. Mike, Dustin, and Lucas came up with a plan, roping you, Max, and El along with them. You were going to surprise Will with a DnD campaign Mike has been working on, and it’s finally ready. Mike and Lucas are distracting Will, dragging him around downtown, running errands and taking him on various wild goose chases. El and Max are getting the real supplies - snacks. That leaves you and Dustin right here in Mike’s basement, painting cardboard monsters and villagers so they’re ready by the time everyone gets back.

You’re sitting on the floor across from each other, putting the finishing touches on the goblin you’d been working on. You’re pretty much done, and ahead of schedule too. The rest of the party should be back pretty soon, then you can start playing. Even though you and Max don’t really play DnD, you’re still excited to hang out with everyone. 

You’ve been in the same class as the party since you started middle school, but you were in a different friend group. At the Snowball you couldn’t believe how rude your friend Stacey was to Dustin. You had always been nice to kids in other clubs and friend groups, and you thought she was the same. You told her off  and marched right over to ask him to dance. Ever since that night, Dustin has been harboring a huge crush on you. 

Nothing really came of it because you ran in different circles, until one night when you saw a demogorgon in your backyard. None of your friends believed you, so you didn’t know what to do or who to turn to, until you saw Dustin pass by in the hallway talking about different monsters and their hit points with Mike. 

They’re into all that nerdy fantasy stuff, you realized, they would probably be able to tell you what you saw if you described it to them. Once you started grilling them about monsters, they put two and two together pretty fast. Ever since then, you’d been right beside them through every crazy thing that’s happened in Hawkins. Now you’re here, sitting across from Dustin and talking while the paint on the last few villagers dries. 

“It’s so weird that me and Will are the only two in the group not dating someone,” you muse, fanning the wet paint with your hand before setting it down. 

“Yeah, well, I mean it’s three now, but…” he murmurs, and you look up at him, confused. 

“I thought you and Suzie-”

“Yeah, we, uh… I kinda broke up with her…” he picks at the carpet. 

“What happened?” you ask quietly, “Just if you want to talk, I mean,” you amend. Breakups are tricky, and you want him to know that you’re there for him. He looks around the room, not quite meeting your gaze. 

“Well, you know, her parents are really strict and everything,” he begins slowly, “and it’s a lot harder dating someone you can only see during summer, and can only talk to in secret, you know…” 

“Yeah, it sounds hard,” you agree. He fidgets with the brim of his baseball cap, then continues.

“I think it’s better to date someone you’re close to.” 

You look up at him. 

“Like, physically closer to, same area… geographically…” he sputters, correcting himself. 

“That makes sense.” you say with a chuckle. 

“Maybe…” he says quietly, “you know, someone who goes to the same school, or something…” he murmurs. You consider. 

“If you go to school together you could see them every day,” you smile. He’s reminded of all the times his day has been made just by passing you in the halls, the little wave and smile you greet him with. In spite of the dim lighting, the pink tint to his cheeks doesn’t slip past you. 

“Yeah,” he agrees, avoiding your eyes. “That would be nice.” 

“It sucks though, I know you really liked Suzie.” 

“Yeah,” he sighs, “she was really smart and pretty, she reminded me of you…” he trails off, eyes going wide. “Of… I mean, like, of what you would want… in a girlfriend…” 

Your heart flutters a little as he sputters out a response, hoping he saved it and you don’t know about his impossible to hide titanic sized crush on you. You look down, fighting butterflies, then back up at him with that sweet smile of yours. You place your hand on his arm. His heart pounds harder. 

“You’re… the best, Dustin. You’re going to find someone really, really lucky who sees that.” He can feel the sincerity of your words, and it makes him blush harder. The tips of his ears are pink as your words sink in. 

It’s quiet for a second.

You start to lower your hand so you can check if the paint is fully dry. Before you can, he leans in close to you, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. You stare at each other for a moment, breathless. You let out a flustered giggle, smiling like you do and making his heart do backflips. You place your hand on his cheek, leaning in to kiss him again. His eyes go wide, heart pounding, as you press your lips to his. 

He can’t believe this is happening. He couldn’t believe it when you asked him to dance at the Snowball, he couldn’t believe it that day you walked up to him between third and fourth period and asked him how much he knew about monsters, couldn’t believe it every time since then when you’d backed up his crazy plans and fought by his side. He never thought he had a chance with you, so when he met Suzie at camp, all of Steve’s terribly hypocritical dating advice about not getting hung up on one person who’s not into you like that came rushing back to him. Look at him now, getting to kiss you. 

You’re really flustered. More flustered than you’d expected to be. As your lips move against each other’s, you realize how much you really, really like Dustin. He’s always been so sincere and nice to you, and never two faced like some of your old friends. You’ve been there for each other through so much, you can count on each other for anything, and you’re overwhelmed by the feeling of how much you like him. He really is the best. You wonder why you didn’t realize how you feel sooner. 

“What?! No!” 

You pull away suddenly, heads whipping around to Will, who’s standing on the stairs.

“Not you too!” he cries. You both start talking over each other, scrambling for an explanation, but he cuts you off. 

“Look, just-” he sighs. “I won’t say anything.”

You let out a sigh of relief.

“But no pda!” he adds. You agree, thankful that didn’t go worse. He starts to go upstairs and you giggle, causing Dustin to giggle. You lean in to kiss him again. 

Behind you, Will pokes his head down, shooting Dustin a thumbs up, which he returns, clearly excited at this whole turn of events. Will knows how bad Dustin has had it for you for so long, how much this must mean to him. He’s really happy for him, for both of you. You’re like, the nicest person ever, and Dustin is one of his best friends. You deserve each other, he thinks. 

When you and Dustin finally pull away to catch your breath, he smiles bigger than you’ve ever seen him. He can’t believe this is real, that you like him back. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy. He can’t wait to tell Steve everything.