#i have a lot of anxiety sketches LOL

[seabunnieart]

frustrated & anxious

[eternal-reverie]

got the posting anxiety bad tonight

[non-un-topo]

Realizing that the amount of money I'll have to my name after graduation is roughly the same amount that my BIL spent in two weeks on his honeymoon and I want to RAAAAAGE

[sanchoyo]

ok...I think i'm done making a lil hitlist for artfight. maybe. >:') I've heard people say the AF website tends to crash the first day or two bc the amount of traffic so I've saved every ref (+the characters maker and team) in a cute lil google doc. very prepared. (I did save like 40 characters which is unrealistic and I KNOW I will not get to ALL Of them, but I wanted to give myself Choices and Variety. ('variety' but 90% of them r mew mew ocs lol. but theres SO many mew mew ocs!!! I limited myself to bookmarking 2 per user too if they had more than 1 cute one and that was so hard!! :( )

that being said I DO want to try to draw as much as possible...everyday? (this does not mean I'll necessarily do 1 ATTACK a day, but will try to work on some daily...) and possibly post speedpaints with all of them?? (I need to test clip studios recording feature before then, possibly on the next drawing I do today or tomorrow?? I have (2) fanart things I want to draw before af starts and one lil original thing kjhadkjf)

anyway, I'm wondering what people would prefer as far as posting them goes? would you guys (who follow my art blog) prefer I post them as I get them done (which is what I'll be doing on AF lol) or want me to post them in a batch at the end of every week?? the batch feels less like spamming my art blog followers but I worry a lil that the creators might want their ocs in their own post. does that make sense. what do u guys think

[catiuskaa]

charcoal, paint, post-its and tape.

SUMMARY: seeing your boyfriend’s messy art studio, you couldn’t help but want to try and surprise him with a painting of the most gorgeous piece of art you knew: him.

REQUESTED! here by my pookie wookie @4ln-stay8, and honey, this was a beautiful idea! i love writing about art and hyunjin and hyunjin and art (and hyunjin) lol, hope you like! <3

CW: hurt/comfort, mentions of anxiety, reader is really hard on herself as a perfectionist (which sadly i can relate), crying and cursing, lots of fluffy comfort in the end!

WC: 1.6k

[☆🌷🖼️🌷☆]

You hate it.

Your hand feels cramped, your head hurts and you’re close to breaking the paper if you keep on erasing the same lines over and over again.

But it’s hideous.

It’s a sad excuse of an attempt in art and you hate it.

You were tempted to kick the sketchbook away, but knowing that it belonged to your boyfriend, to hyunjin, who could actually do art, made you refrain from doing so, opting to just harshly shove it away from your lap.

It wasn’t fair. You’d seen tutorials. You had practiced beforehand. You went as far as to use his anatomy books to study it, wanting to be able to do justice to his ethereal, beautiful self by at least getting proportions right.

But no. Art wasn’t accepting your preposterous attempt to join into it.

Hyunjin entered your shared apartment as he hummed a random melody, happy to come back a bit earlier than usual, his head drifting off to how he could surprise you and what kind of activity the both of you could do with the newly-founded time.

But he froze after he kicked his shoes off at the entrance.

“Angel?” He called, and you cursed, but barely had any time to put anything back into place as he followed the sound of your gentle sobs.

“Hyun…” you started.

“My love.” He crouched down next to you, looking at you as if you held the stars and the moon just for him. “Want to tell me what’s wrong? Mhh?” He hummed shortly, his hands traveling to your face and stroking it sweetly.

You stared at him, your heart troubled, so the only coherent response you could come up was throwing yourself to his arms.

The long-haired artist hugged you tightly in response, a part of him appreciating having the type of trust that allowed you to break before him and let him watch you reasemble with a little helping hand.

You sniffed, then shook your head sideways.

“Are we doing the nod and shake?” He smiled in efforts of making you join him, which you did shortly, and he allowed himself to take that as a win. “We can do that, pretty. Nod if you want to.” He snickered.

But you shook your head, staring down at the forgotten sketchbook.

“I-it’s just th-a-at I… I w-wanted… wanted to surprise you… b-because I-I wa-s trying to paint…”

Hyunjin’s face shined upon your confesion.

“My pretty girl was painting?” He chimed back with a gleeful joy. “But you’re not having fun. What happened?”

You just shrugged, sinking your head in your hands. “It’s horrible.”

“Can I see it?”

Watching you nod, it was only then when Hyunjin separated himself from you just enough to grab the sketch, then sprung back to your side.

A silence only broken by your unsteady breathing clouded the house as he viewed the canvas.

“Do you want my opinion, my advice, or my shoulder to keep crying?” He offered soothingly, and you rolled your eyes at his last mention. “What? My shoulders are very comfortable. I don’t even charge if you leave tears on my shirt, you know.” Hyunjin teased with a smile that you were quick to match. Another win for him.

“I just… I don’t know…” you sighed, melting against him. “It’s… ugh.”

He stared at your piece in silence, which you didn’t, only zoned out, playing with your hands as the silence crept up your spine.

What if he hated it too?

“It’s just like how you do with your post-its.”

He interrupted your spiral of thoughts, and you blinked at him, so Hyunjin repeated himself with a gentle smile. You then sniffed, a small chuckle fighting to get out in the midst of frustated tears. “What are you on about?”

“You have your cute organizing board filled with post it notes, don’t you, lovely?”

You nodded, but scoffed, still submerged in the depth of the painting —or rather lack thereof. “What’s that got to do with anyth-“

You trailed off when his hands, still a bit colder from the weather outside, cradled your face, forcing you to look at him, a beautiful sight you didn’t notice you were evading.

“Listen to me for a second. Please?” He pleaded, eyes soft, and giggled sweetly when you pouted, a petty way of letting him know you were listening. You blushed when he kissed you.

“So. Your post it notes.” Hyunjin smiled. “You stick them on the board, but often, they slip down, right?” He asked, to which you nodded. “And when that happens, I noticed your little trick, brains.” He booped your nose, and you couldn’t help but smile coyly. “Tell me, beauty. What do you do when they don’t stick?”

“I… I put a small piece of tape on the back.” “And it works like magic,” he grinned, beaming in a kind of proudness you had never seen on anyone, not when it came from others aside from themselves. And it mended your frustrated heart to see him like this, his now warmer hands stroking your cheeks.

He took one of your hands, and with a strained groan, reached to his pencil cade, grabbed a piece of charcoal and stained your hand with it, kissing your palm sweetly

“These are now the hands of an artist. And artists, just like you and me, can be quite like those little post it notes of yours. We bend right after taking us out of the package.” He chuckled, and you followed along, letting the sound of his voice lift your spirit. “It won’t matter how, there can always be a crease, or the glue won’t stick right, or the color is too blinding, maybe too dull, perhaps the paper got stained with paint or ink.” He stared at you, deeply so, allowing you to see through him, allowing you to understand.

This wasn’t about post it notes. Not anymore.

He continued. “But, just as your post its, sometimes…” he smiled. “Sometimes all we need is a bit of tape to stick in place.”

He kissed your tears away one by one, allowing your breathing to even out, matching and following his as you relaxed against him.

“Let me help you stick back on the board.” He looked at your lips in a flash, then bashfully went back to your eyes. “Let me be your tape.”

He hugged you tightly, and he showed you the sketch.

“To me it looks fine, beauty.” He started. “It’s a really nice attempt. Would I redo some things? Probably, if I wanted to be really perfectionist, because it doesn’t look bad at all. Or maybe I’d let the color do its magic.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “The thing about drawing is that we cannot let it control us, hoping to achieve perfection. That can’t be achieved, my love.” Hyunjin laughed. “Even what we see sometimes doesn’t look right in real life. There are references and references, and if a drawing’s sketch isn’t quite what we’re looking, sometimes we may need another one.”

You stared at him softly, comforted in his honest commentary.

“I can help you. You know were to find me.” He smiled sweetly.

“I…” you sniffed, staring at your charcoal-stained hand.

“I just want a coffee right now.”

You both giggled as you stood back up, and he engulfed you in a bear hug, picking you up and carrying you to the kitchen, determined to make you the best coffe in the whole year.

It wasn’t until the next morning that you found him puting your first sketch next to his. Only this time, instead of his usual messy tape lines, yours han bits of tape glued to the back.

Little by little, charcoal and paint helped post-its and tape, but even with the smallest things, it could certainly be the other way around.

And Hyunjin loved it any kind of way— Hyunjin loved you, post-its, charcoal stains and all.

[☆🌷🖼️🌷☆]

catiuskaa, may 2024 ©

~kats, who will now go to bed with my own cup of hot milk (not coffee lol, and sadly not made by hyunjin either)

[alphaofdarkness]

we will raise warriors

Mhi solus tome | mhi solus dar’tome | mhi me’dinui an | mhi ba’juri verde (here!)

—

Edit: Sooooo,, this wasn’t meant to have two panels originally,, the first panel was meant to be the only one and wanted to just have the implication of Bine expecting their little warrior. But my anxiety said otherwise (・∀・)… I really didn’t want to draw sabezra kids as I was still conjuring them up in my mind lol. Pero bueno, anxiety won out lol~

The second was semi-rushed these last two days so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s fine, I think it turned out better for being rushed and like it~ but now I’m burnt out, aah. 😴😴😴

— okay actual main explanation —

This last panel was actually partially inspired by the fanfic “Moment’s Like These” by ConsiderTheLiliesOfTheField on ao3! I highly recommend the read! 🥹💜✨ The pose was actually inspired by the tranquil moment between the mom and dad in "A Quiet Place" and really love this final outcome! Much better than the initial sketch.

As for the little sabezra children, Mira Bridger-Wren and her little brother, Caleb Tris Bridger-Wren (just my own little interpretations of SE children 💜)✨ A nice and warm cuddle with the whole family, Sabine and Ezra’s little Jedi-Mando Warriors 💜🧡

I hope you all enjoyed these pieces! It may will definitely be a hot minute until I post some more art like these as I have a lot on my plate to work on ahead. More of these dorks for sure + sabezraweek maybe at this point ? + zine art I have to really advance on.

In the meantime, I hope ya'll like these pieces! 💜 thank you all so much for your kindness and support 🥹 this almost whole year of making silly art for these two has been so healing and good, I’m glad y’all enjoy my silly art and frantic ramblings 😊 happy Friday!

✨ Textless versions ✨

[zarla-s]

Do you get anxious whenever you start drawing comic pages? Is that connected to ending of Handplates? It's like you're trying to find any random activity to avoid drawing comics. And your usual sketches get less and less dialogue. I'm asking because I'm worried and I don't know what's happening. D:

Hmm... I haven't really thought of things in these terms? I was like "eh that can't be right" but then I did a quick look back and it does look like I've been doing solo shots or single/two panel comics for a while, haha. I've just got a lot of small ideas or images I wanted to get out recently. And I've been writing a lot of fic! Which I haven't done in a while, which is nice. Writing a fic (particularly lengthy ones, like the Hell jailbreak or the hanahaki one) is a lot more time consuming than people might think. I started the hanahaki one in early December and only just posted it a few days ago...

I was doing Handplates for such a long time, like seven+ years and all, that I'm assuming the vast majority of you out there never really knew me when I wasn't doing it. The thing is that Handplates is a massive outlier - I never did any project of that scale before, or one that updated that consistently or took that much constant effort. Never! Most of the time before when I'd start a big project I'd get distracted and never finish it, or there'd be huge hiatuses between updates (Vargas). It was super weird to have such a big project I so consistently updated and worked on. It's not common for me! I'm amazed looking back on it all that I was so committed to it when so many other ones fell flat.

Handplates took up a LOT of my time, so with it over I've been doing some other things I wouldn't have had much time for before. Playing some games, taking screencaps, writing fic, web design, little small experiments like all my pixel stuff. Just trying out different things! I don't think I'd say I was anxious about doing a comic page... it's more so that I'm just tired, I think. I was doing these huge elaborate pages that'd take days to finish for so long - now that I don't have to do it anymore, my brain just wants to relax, haha.

The reason for the slow updates on Defrag is really that I keep getting stuck lol. It's not really focused like Handplates and I still don't really know how it'll end. I keep getting stuck on what should happen next, so I keep putting it off. It's just me being a lazy writer rather than having anxiety about doing a page. |D

At least, I think that's what it is...

[ourloveiselectrifying]

I have a question about mc and Kev, I was wondering if after Kev like kidnapped the mc, mc became really attached. But the attachment is like really bad and they can't go a second without Kew and constantly needs their attention from being neglected from their life. Mc would cry if he had to go to work or go out and mc would be terrified of being left.(I understand if you don't want to answer this one)

shorter question how is Kev around bees?

Kevin doesn't mind bees and tries to give them space since they're busy bees at work! They like bumble bees a lot, so adorable! I could definitely see Kev and Moira looking after a hive of native bees together at the park :3

Also he sneaks MC into work of course! (and some medications for their attachment anxiety because they can't be with Kev all the time)

They have their own shed space and a desk at work MC can be hidden under, Kevin would just eat lunch in there more and bring as much work as he can in the shed so MC can be with him

Kevin would probably try sneak MC inside in a ridiculous way like pretending they're a caged aggressive wild animal hoping that it would keep people away, but would end up getting him plenty of attention lol

Puts the sketch here too bc I like it sdfsff

[fulcrummm]

Some stuff I’ve drawn over the past few weeks that I didn’t want to post on the main art acc (fulcrum021) lol. Sorry for the bad lighting/quality but that’s basically my brand at this point

More stuff about the drawings below the cut

I’m especially proud of the Simone Biles figure studies even though most of them aren’t that great. I used one of those non-erasable multicolored pencils and drew each one in only a couple of minutes. A lot of the time my sketches don’t look great (as I’m sure many artists can relate to) but these are just practice and I didn’t go into it feeling like they needed to look good, which I think is a nice mindset to have when you’re sketching but one I don’t often achieve! Also I tried to draw her face on one of them but I messed it up and it wouldn’t erase so that’s why she’s blue <3

The hyena is one of 5-6 sketches I did in a hyena spread, again done with one of the non-erasable colored pencils. I don’t normally draw animals but lately I’ve been expanding my horizons so I’m planning on doing more in the future

Wavey haired Luke is just an idea I had, I plan on drawing more on that page and actually make the waves DEFINED and not just a blob.

I really like drawing din without the flight suit, I have one or two other sketches that I like and I really want to draw more. I just love drawing Pedro’s face SO MUCH. Also the drawing of Din holding Grogu was made with Arrtx paint markers and I fucking love those things.

Sometimes I really hate posting my art because I feel like it’s all bad. Idk if that anxiety will ever go away but I hope it does!

[bluetorchsky]

Some of my doodles from @00lari00's whiteboard! I don't have a lot of time to keep going cause of work tomorrow, so I'm hoping I can add more in the next few days

Just my stick persona, Violet, and Aidan/Aiden saying "Hello!" in Irish Gaelic (I really need to choose a variation for this lad, but it's always the one with the 'a' in it)

And my version of Terrence Suave from my DAD!AU (Deities and Dragons AU). It's the moment he finds out his partner of almost ten years, Randy, disappeared during a mission with Reginald delivering the bad news. The earring was an anniversary gift from Randy, while they would have gotten a diamond necklace from Terrence. This is where Terrence's anxiety skyrockets and his sanity descends lower and lower...

And yeah, apparently when I had finished the Terrence doodle, Whiteboard just didn't save it. I had refreshed the page after doing a pre-sketch of the ArcCoil family as plushies and whoops. His hair is gone. *rubs eyes* It's fine, it's there at least...

Can't wait to draw my other versions of the other characters that are on the whiteboard, lol. Just wish I had gotten Accordion and Violin down somewhere at least...

[psiirockin]

do you have any advice for opening commissions? i feel like you have them very professionally set up, and i have pretty bad social anxiety, so it might be helpful to hear tips for communicating with customers and such, or setting up a fair tos!

hi so, maybe i do have some advice!!! <33 thank you so so much for the kindness & seeing me as professional lol i’ve been doing comms for 2-3 years and i must say.. still getting the hang of a lot of things. you go through a lot of trial + error trying to figure out what works best for you, so remember theres no truly right way to go about comms! they should all fit the needs, pace, and benefit of you and your work ethic!

what i did personally is start off at some lower prices just to test the waters and get the ball rolling. i priced rendered characters at i think, $24 per character? possibly lower, i cant quite remember. and then i gradually went up as i started to progress in my art style more + had more people coming in.

with customers, i have a lot of anxiety as well! im autistic, so i never like making a customer feel like i dont truly care abt the commission by accidentally sounding too flat or anything. i tend to RLLY overthink it lol so we make sure we are extra talkative + kind about their comm! giving them compliments on the character, showing genuine excitement so they know theyre in good hands! (we love engaging esp when the customer seems VERY excited or enthusiastic abt the commission!)

a lot of irl turmoil tends to happen in our life which can make a comm delayed sometimes. could be severe mental health problems, just being busy w/ shit in general. its important to just keep your customers up to date, especially if its going to take a realllyyy long time or the customer likes frequent updates.

i used to be able to get shit done in like a night. but, with an actual line up/queue of comm work we progressively started taking longer and longer esp as we transitioned from a teenager starting out and into a busy adult with persistent mental health issues. (plus our art becomes more complex as time goes on, so that has to be taken into account) tbhs, depending on your availability and how much effort goes into your work, and as the demand grows, you need to charge accordingly and just be honest with your clientele.

as for TOS do what makes you comfortable! make your limits known and put your foot down when a request or any topic makes you uncomfortable. dont let your customers get inappropriate with you or try to make you feel bad if they dont wanna pay for what they ask for, etc. i also recommend requesting payment after sketch/half and half when starting out just so you can get some experience under your belt + assure future clients that youre professional n wont scam them! (if you plan on switching to payment upfront in the future)

just remember that u are not a machine, you are a human being making art for someone else. putting love n effort into your craft, time and effort. take your time getting the hang of comm stuff, things dont have to be perfect in your setup at first.

[loserlesbianlottie]

THINKING about established relationship Reader x Travis, BUT, Travis is spiderman and reader who has no idea accidently finds out somehow and confronts him about it !!11!1

I don't mind how reader finds out, use your imagination!!! Also i love your work, keep it up!! <3

hi anon! tysm for your kind words, and i hope you enjoy :3

Spider-Man

spider-man! travis martinez x reader, mild angst and hurt/comfort, descriptions of injuries, spider-man typical stuff, this is kinda bad im so sorry lol :’D

You sat idly on the couch, curled up under some soft blankets. You were trying your hardest to focus on anything but your phone and the lack of notifications from your boyfriend, Travis. You had been trying your absolute hardest to get a hold of him, to no avail. And yeah. You were worried sick. You tried sketching, reading, and now, watching a show, but nothing works to quell the anxiety building in your chest. You sigh, turning the television off. You had even suffered through calling his house phone and talking to Coach Martinez, only to discover that he figured Travis was with you. It took a hell of a lot of self-restraint to avoid screaming at him over the phone.

You sigh, rubbing your weary face in your hands. You felt sick to your stomach. There had been a noticeably smaller amount of crime in town ever since Spider-Man showed up, but you couldn’t deny that nervous churn at the idea of Travis being mugged by someone. He did take some questionable shortcuts around town, after all.

Just as you were wallowing in your anxiety, you heard a loud thud! coming from your bedroom. It sounded remarkably similar to when Travis would hop through your window for a late-night visit, the familiar sounds of things being knocked over and mumbled cursing calming your nerves. You look at your phone, hoping to find a text saying he’s coming over, but you are met with nothing. Yep. You’re pissed. You push the door open angrily.

“Seriously, Trav? You don’t answer my texts, make me worried sick, and then break into my-”

You cut yourself off in shock at the sight before you. There, standing in your room, is Spider-Man, unmasked. You had been curious countless times about who it truly was, but now? You realize you were completely unprepared for the answer. Before you stood Travis, your boyfriend, in a tattered Spider-Man…costume? Suit? Either way, he was bleeding and bruised. Both yours and his eyes widened. You stood, completely in shock, while he rushed to find an explanation.

“This- this isn’t what it looks like! I, uh, I just-”

“You’re Spider-Man,” you say, utterly shocked. He swallows thickly, shifting uncomfortably. He places an awkward hand behind his neck, a habit you’ve noticed he does when he’s nervous.

“Yes,” he says. “I…I am.”

You open and close your mouth several times, searching for something to say.

“Please- please don’t tell anyone. I…I can’t risk having anyone know, and-”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you finally settle on asking, your voice shaking and barely above a whisper. He cringes.

“I wanted to- Really, I…I just, uh, didn’t want you to get caught up in all of this…”

You take a cautious step forward towards Travis. He takes a cautious step backward toward the wall. You frown at the reaction. Since when did you both hide things from each other? Especially things…like this.

“You’re bleeding,” you observe, and Travis looks down lamely, almost like he’s forgotten that he actually did get hurt. He nods slowly, watching you with a guarded look.

“I have, uh, a first aid kit. In my…in my bathroom. Come with me?”

“But…what about-”

“We can talk about…whatever this is…later. I just want to make sure you’re okay right now,” You plead. He slowly but surely nods, following you to your bathroom. You quickly observe and treat his wounds while he watches you in awe.

“You know, for a secret vigilante, you have a pretty shit pain-intolerance.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re squirming, Trav.”

He glares playfully, his usual joking nature returning somewhat at the indication that you aren’t truly mad. You assure him anyway that you aren’t angry, just worried. You don’t want him to get hurt, and tonight, seeing him battered and bruised in your bedroom was quite the terrifying site.

“It’ll be okay,” he says, although you’re unsure if he’s trying to convince you or himself. You sigh, falling into his open arms. He hugs you tight, and you match the force easily.

“I'm sorry. For, uh…for lying to you.”

“I’m upset that you're putting yourself in danger, jackass, not because you lied to me,” you sniffle, your tears betraying the annoyed tone of your voice. He rubbed your shoulder reassuringly.

“Nothing bad will happen. Especially not while I have a kick-ass personal nurse,” he assures, looking at you with that lopsided grin you fell in love with. You roll your eyes and laugh. You’d spend the rest of the night cuddled into his side, happy to know that he was okay and, for now, that everything was right with the world.

[sillywabbits]

👉👈 ...does anyone else kinda wish Tumblr had an option that allowed you to hide the Note count on posts? Like, just a completely optional thing each user can toggle on/off according to their comfort/preference. Kinda like how insta gives you the option to view the number of likes, or just hide the number completely.

Lil' RSD vent/feeling share below. No pressure to read. Just been meaning to put my feelings down somewhere;

It's just.. for me personally, my mean RSD ridden brain overthinks when I see numbers.. constantly putting me in a state of comparing myself.. or question the appeal of my work.. or making me feel like my value as an artist is measured by that count. And maybe it partly ties into my own weird insecure, self worth feelings. But mostly just.. it makes me get caught in my brain about if my art is even likable or decent enough to be appealing? Or annoying for people to look at? Or.. if the kind of stuff I make isn't a lot of people's cup of tea? I draw nothing but fluffy mush. My brain makes me anxious and insecure if that's boring or.. not interesting enough for others to like. I don't really dabble in angst or what my brain has deemed the, "cooler content."

I know rationally I nor anyone can draw to appease everyone. As I would tell anyone else feeling these types of things, someone out there will enjoy what you do. (And I've met some super kind of people who have said immensely sweet and endearing things about my stuff. And I thank you endlessly for it! /gen 💞)

And ultimately you should just draw what makes you happy to make yourself happy. Draw for yourself first and foremost.

..but

I wish my brain wouldn't emotionally rely on engagement from others for motivation to make art. I wish drawing things that make me happy, and the joy of making it in general was enough to motivate me better.

I don't think this is helped by how slowwww my art process is, and how my undiagnosed ADHD really makes it hard for me to will myself to draw as often as I'd like. My muse comes in spurts, one drawing/sketch can take me days to finish. And after all the energy and time it took, I think maybe I emotionally take things harder and am susceptible to getting disheartened/sensitive when my brain locks in on that number count. Making it a little harder to muster up more desire and energy to wanna draw again.

Sometimes thoughts of, 'when there are so many people that make the things you like to make, and it already exists and they're so cool, good and special for it.. why should you bother trying?'

And as a disclaimer, these are just anxiety-ridden thoughts! I don't think I fully 100% actually believe them!

They're just the thoughts my brain likes to bring to the forefront sometimes. When I'm experiencing RSD or feeling insecure/anxious. (I think these feelings can feel bigger maybe due to how my neurodivergency can affect me too.)

And god is it such a double standard. If any fellow person were sharing similar types of thoughts/feelings, I would have 101 ways to rebuttal and assure those mean thoughts of theirs away.

..but it's so hard to apply to same exact advice/care toward yourself. It's harder when it's you on the inside. You brain has made you feel like you're the exception. Like you don't deserve that same assurance for some reason. (Not saying this is true; just.. how my mean brain likes to talk at me fjdk /hj)

Again, I want to emphasize these aren't rational thoughts. They're just the feelings that get welled up inside me when I feel insecure. (It's one of many talking points I'd love the opportunity to bring up when I'm fortunate enough to get myself a therapist lol <3)

--

💕~Thank you dearly to anyone who was curious and felt they were in a place to read all this. They're just feelings that have been burrowed inside me I haven't really put out there yet. I know this community is super sweet and supportive, which is why I love being here. But I couldn't help feel a bit shy about sharing this stuff.

[queen-scribbles]

Trinne/Lann epilogue

Sweet Shelyn, this is almost 2k😅 ---

∙ They get a couple years of peace and quiet just the two of them to figure out being married without the Worldwound hanging ominously in the background, start settling into a routine and adjusting to quirks, that sort of thing. (Look, I know Trinne has foibles, Lann's gotta have some too, even if it's minor stuff, there will be things to work out.)

∙ The adventuring/visiting Lann's mom/etc mostly happens in that first couple years. Trinne was already a wandering soul before her arrival at Kenabres, she's more than happy to go on sea-faring adventures and an indefinite stay in Nerosyan with her husband. :3 (esp. bc in Nerosyan she and Ria can chat. And they have the same favorite subject. >:3)

∙ Trinne figures out pretty damn quick the first time she gets pregnant bc her cycle is normally so regular you could use it to start a calendar. 😅 Missing one is easy to catch. Waits another month just to be safe before she tells Lann. He is, of course, over the moon and just a teeny tiny bit anxious. He wants kids, they've talked abut this, but there's an inherent added danger with him being a mongrel they can't ignore.

∙ He swears not to coddle her too much bc he knows how capable she is yada yada. She has no intention of holding him to that promise bc she knows he won't be able to keep it the whole nine months. (a wise decision on her part, he doesn't, he can't help it xD)

∙ It's right around this point they go back to visit the mongrels and find out Sull died. Someone's been serving as interim leader, but they're ready for Lann to step in as chief. That combined with Trinne being pregnant is enough they decide to stay put for a while. (Which Trinne appreciates; morning sickness and seasickness are individually awful, she doesn't need to deal with both at the same time xD) They've gotten to see plenty of the world, time to focus on the kids part of their goal for a few years.

∙ Trinne gets really big really early, to the point a couple people comment about it being unusual for her first pregnancy. This ratchets Lann's anxiety a teeny bit higher, thinking about his brothers and worrying if the baby's a mongrel and will be a hard birth. (It doesn't help he overhears Trinne joke to Seelah this kid either moves a lot or has an unfair number of elbows. He's half convinced it's some multi-armed mongrel kid (who they'll love, obviously--assuming he or she survives and what about Trinne?)

∙ She's always ready to calm him down if she sees him getting nervous; nothing feels wrong, just big. It's not until the last month or so she gets a lil bit of Pregnancy Jitters herself. (She goes on bedrest the last couple weeks and it drives her CRAZY with boredom. Especially bc she can't find a comfy position to sit in for sketching. V grumpy bard.) Lann really struggles with not coddling her the last month or two.

∙ His mom is visiting when Trinne goes into labor, which proves to be a good thing, only partly bc she's a "voice of experience". Lann's so torn between 'I can't watch' and 'I wanna be with my wife' that Trinne's eventually like "I love you, but OUT" and Seelah and/or Ria have to pull him from the room and distract him so he doesn't explode from stress.

∙ It's not a mongrel baby, it's twins. :D

∙ And they look "normal" when all is said and done and Lann's allowed back in the room (lol). Trinne: "See there was an unfair number of elbows--because it's an unfair number of children."

∙ Looks like 100% normal, 100% identical twin boys with a ridiculous amount of hair ("I thought babies were bald").

∙ Until they open their eyes while Trinne and Lann are mid-stress-relief-laugh and it turn out that's not entirely the case--one of them has one reptilian eye. It's the same color as Lann's lizard-side eye(and also on the left), so pretty obvious where it came from even if Trinne jokes she DID introduce dragon blood so they can't know. That's it. Otherwise he and his brother are 100% human-looking.

∙ The way Lann practically melts upon Trinne being okay(his first concern tbh) and gives her along, long kiss before even asking to hold one of their(!!!!) kids(!!!!).

∙ Name the boys Rian and Jory. (Rian has the lizard eye) They stay 99.5% identical growing up, love to play at being pirates so they can wear eyepatches and make people guess which of them is which. >:D (It tickles them pink that Trinne and Lann a) play along and act unsure but b) always guess right) It's not until late teens/early twenties when they do different hairstyles/clothes that it gets easier for non-family(and non-Aunt Seelah or Uncle Woljif) people to tell them apart.

∙ There's another kid three years after the boys--a girl they name Genevieve. Lann comments that's an awful lot of name for someone so small, Trinne points out they don't have to use the whole thing("we can shorten it 'til you think she'll fit," she teases). They call her Eve, which sticks basically her whole life aside from formal or You're In Big Trouble, Young Lady situations.

∙ Rian and Jory have so-dark-it's-almost-black brown hair and hazel eyes that can look light brown or green depending on the light. You can see bits of both parents in them, even aside from the lizard eye--Trinne's jaw and ears, Lann's human-side cheekbones and eyebrows.

∙ Eve, on the other hand, is the spitting (female) image of her daddy if he weren't half-lizard; green eyes and the lighter brown hair etc. (So claims Trinne, invoking 'artist's eye for faces' if Lann protests. Which he does. "She's too pretty to look like me." // "I think you're pretty." // "You're biased."// "Damn straight I am. 😘" /cue the boys screeching in exaggerated disgust as Mom and Dad kiss for TWENTY WHOLE SECONDS in the middle of prepping dinner or whatever.

(∙might do another daughter, Aviva, but I'm still deciding about her. IF she does exist, she's probably an adorable lil tiefling owing to the whole Savamelekh sting thing bc I'm sorry Owlcat but you can't have something that dramatic happen to a party member[MY ROMANCE] and expect me not to do something with it esp. if you won't. I just really like the idea of her being tickled she has horns like her daddy but she's specialer bc she has T W O horns and Lann really leaning into it and playing it up 🥰)

∙ Lann makes Trinne the rat pastries every year for her birthday and their anniversary (3 Neth) and any other time she asks. He does a lot of experimenting with cooking and turns out to be very good at it with access to proper ingredients. Much better than her, for sure.

∙ He is, to no one's surprise except maybe his own, an extremely good chief for the mongrels. Once everything's established and running smoothly he will still occasionally leave someone else in charge and go off on adventures(sometimes solo, sometimes with Trinne + kids. Those are fun :D).

∙ Trinne occasionally runs into people who recognize her or piece together from descriptions they've heard that she's the former Knight-Commander(for good or ill), and has to deal with brief bout of celebrity. She's not exactly a wallflower type personality, so even when traveling it can crop up when she catches people's attention.

∙ Trinne is v happy she ditched being Commander before having kids, she wants time with her husband and babies more than she wants to be in charge. xD (her "beautiful boys" she says pre-Eve, which makes Lann roll his eyes)

∙ She DOES genuinely find him attractive, but he's so easy to fluster via teasing about being handsome/pretty/etc that she can't help doing it a lot. >:3 She means every word, no matter how jokingly delivered.

∙ [also] As a result of Savamelekh's sting, I'm toying with saying Lann gets a comparatively long life for a mongrel. Still dies young by human/half-elf standards, but for all his joking about ten years, I'm thinking about giving him twice that and calling it demon venom CON boost. xD (There is a scar from the sting, right below his solar plexus. Not big or obvious, just a little half inch long red mark that never goes away no matter the healing magic. It's ticklish, but only Trinne knows that. :3)

∙ When he dies, there's not really even external signs of aging, just things giving out. Trinne thinks it's monstrously unfair she doesn't even get to tease him about going grey and still has to watch him die. (She started getting grey streaks a little before then and he 100% teased her, no fair she doesn't get to return the favor. don't take him, she's not ready yet)

∙ Knowing mongrels tend to die young and they got way longer than expected doesn't make it hurt any less. She's also mad he won't even get to see their kids grow all the way up. (the twins would be 17ish by this point :) ) Lann is trying very hard to focus on the "got an extra decade married to the most beautiful woman on Golarian, biased who me?" angle.

∙ Lann makes one (1) joke about going off to die alone so she doesn't have to watch the process(bc he remembers how hard it was with his dad). Trinne immediately is all incensed; "DON'T. YOU. DARE. Get it through your idiot potato head[affectionate] I want you around as long as possible--" She tries to undercut the vehemence of her instinctive reaction with something jokey about not depriving her of his handsome face and wonderful sense of humor sooner than necessary but it's too late, he saw how much the idea rattles her and he's like "Okay, okay, I won't."//"You promise?"// "Promise." and he doesn't.

∙ So, in sum, extremely happy life together, though not nearly as long as either of them would want, all 99% of their adventures are of their own choosing, three--possibly four--wonderful children. Not a bad life, overall. <3

[respheal]

What happened to your Discord?

Where do I begin.

Well, first, hi—I recognize your avatar from the Galebound Discord so I'm assuming you're the same person.

I got this message late last night (my very first Ask lol) and I've been mulling over a response since. Really, going into it at length would be Trauma Dumping on Main so I'm not going to go into it at length. Probably. I'm bad at not rambling. (After writing everything below: yeah. Bad at not rambling)

Long story short, the Galebound Discord had become a major anxiety trigger. After attempting to send the finished novel out to 100+ agents and a respected, professional (and very expensive) editor for a chance at traditional publishing, the rejection was a crushing blow.

After that, I completely froze up creatively. The last time I made an illustration of any sort was in 2020, and the last prose was in 2022.

Ever since, any time I got a notification of a new message in the GB discord, I had an anxiety spike. Oh no, anxiety says, people are going to remember this server exists and ask Questions about Galebound and then I'm going to have to confront and explain my Failure.

So, I made the server a read-only archive. I've been grappling with the next steps, like do I keep it open as a not-related-to-galebound server? I did make good friends on the server and, when it was active, the vibes were mostly good. But ultimately I've still not healed from the creative blow, and it's a wound I don't want randomly poked.

Also I've hit the stage of my life where I don't want to be the Adult in the Room (i.e. a server moderator). It didn't happen often, but it definitely did happen, and I'm super over being in charge. I quit being a manager at work for a reason.

Anyway, I have been healing. I went back to my ancient roots and got really, really, really into Legend of Zelda fanfiction again lmao, which is how I got started writing in the first place. With my husband's help, I drew something for the first time in four years (he did the base sketch!). I'm being stupidly self-indulgent and it's great. I don't know if my creative batteries will ever recover enough to dip back out into an original project again, especially with the intention of publishing. But fukkit, I ain't a Magician and I ain't Obligated to try.

Either way, I learned a lot about becoming a better writer and what mistakes I made with GB (honestly, problem #1 was trying to get a 125k word monstrosity into the market as a first time author, at a time when traditional publishing is a little fucked in the first place). The editor recommended the book The Fantasy Fiction Formula by Deborah Chester and parts of it have been really helpful at shoring up my problem areas (particularly the bit on writing sequels to scenes).

Anyway, that's what it is. I'm keeping the server read-only for the foreseeable future. To be clear, I'm not mad at anyone who continued posting on the server after it went quiet—it's not like I told anyone I was getting triggered, so not anyone's fault for tripping into it. It is what it is.

[misslavenderlady]

My Baby Bats 💜🦇

This post is in honor of @hypocriticaltypwriter and her own baby bats. This part is about The Lost Boys themselves. There will be a part two with Michael and Star!

So some of you know I love the Sims 4. Back in 2022 I made The Lost Boys in the game because ya girl is obsessed. I also made:

The Emersons

Star and Laddie

Max

Thorn and Nanook

The Frog Brothers

The cave

Grandpa's House

The comic book store

The boardwalk

And....I just so happened to put myself in the game with them. There was no official "story" at first. I just wanted to smooch my boys so bad, and seeing as I don't have any digital art programs (I used to draw but I'm sooooo rusty), the Sims was the perfect way to go about it. 🥰

My sim self had a daughter with each of the boys (because I too wanted to have a gang of Lost Girls lol). I named each girl after the actor their fathers play.

Pictures and story below~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David's Daughter - Kira (the closest I could get to Kiefer)

She admires her father more than anything in the world. She wants to be a good leader and an even better protector of her sisters. Kira never backs down from a fight, often having moments in childhood where she beat up bullies that were harassing her sisters. But she doesn't use her brawn though. She's as smart as a whip, using patience and strategy to navigate life. Always studying her surroundings and knowing what to say or do for her next step. She's a mysterious girl and never reveals what she's thinking or feeling. As far as Kira is concerned, she needs to be on her guard should something happen to her father and she needs to take over as head vampire. That being said, she's very sensitive deep down, and is incredibly close to her parents, never wanting to be away from them for too long. The anxiety overwhelms her. David worries about the pressure she puts on herself.

Dwayne's Daughter - Billie

Billie is a gentle and kind girl. She's quite shy, often keeping to herself whenever she's around someone outside of the family. As a little girl, she would often hide behind her father, too scared to even say hi to new people. Dwayne was incredibly patient with her, and eventually found a way for her to socialize without getting out of her comfort zone. He introduced her to animals and wildlife in the Santa Carla mountains, showing her the hidden beauties of the world. She loves animals so much, and likes to spend time caring for stray cats and dogs she sees on the streets. Billie also inherited her mother's love of writing, and enjoys poetry most. It helps her navigate life and the feelings she has.

Marko's Daughter - Alex

A little artist like her father, Alex has an eye for the most fascinating curiosities around her. She's a jack of all trades, enjoying everything from photography, to sketching, to painting, to jewelry making. She has so many ideas, and her dad is more than happy to support her vision. She's also a little troublemaker like Marko, often going out to spray graffiti on the walls of various Santa Carla buildings. She's not afraid of causing some mischief if it means expressing herself. Alex also has a fondness of spooky stuff. She has a crystal ball, a collection of candles, tarot cards, and has a planchet earring that she uses whenever she wants to break out the ouija board. She's loves playing fun, witchy games with her sisters during sleepovers. Stuff like Bloody Mary and Light as a Feather, Stuff as a board.

Paul's Daughter - Brooke

Oh she's definitely her father's daughter. Brooke is a little wild child, always eager for an adventure. She's got plenty of energy to burn, dancing and running and jumping off furniture. She loves to stay up late and play video games or have dance parties with her sisters. Above all, her biggest passion is music. Growing up she listened to her father play guitar a lot, and immediately got inspired. He was more than happy to teach her, and ever since then, she's had a dream of becoming a rock star. She's got the energy and the beautiful singing voice for it after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some pics of the baby bats:

I'm gonna reblog this post with more baby bat pics from when the girls were little. Stay tuned!