#i have a feeling this will be more niche than my previous ones

[wayslidecool]

round 3 of georgias text posts (and other miscellaneous images that felt fitting), this time featuring some of the newbies! and also my own artwork! wa hoo !!!

(part 1, part 2)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for scamming my ex out of an extremely valuable virtual pet?

🐓🥤to recognize. This might be a very long post with a lot of added context for a very niche hobby and a very small actual conflict.

I religiously play a virtual pet site called Chicken Smoothie. It's a pretty old site as far as virtual pet games go, starting back in 2008, so there is a pretty solid established site economy. Just for some context, Every pet on the site has a rarity, ranging from "OMG So Common" to "OMG So Rare", being the most common and most rare respectively. But there are rarities within those rarities, where some OMGSRs can be worth more than others based on species and demand. For example, an OMGSR dog from 2008 will be worth more than an OMGSR rat from 2008 despite being the same highest rarity and year, because people prefer the dogs over rats. These pets can get extremely valuable. You can't sell them for real money (according to site rules, but of course there's a black market), but the site has its own virtual currency you can buy (with real money) and trade for called Chicken Dollars, and you can also trade a valuable pet for other valuable pets. It gets very complicated, with the community coming up with its own set of value terms each pet can have. I'm not getting into specifics there, that's not important.

Every year, on December 18th, CS has gift boxes you can adopt from. These gift boxes can contain any rare pet from any previous year, including special "Unreleased pets" that you can only get from these Dec 18th boxes, with a very slim chance. These unreleased pets are some of the most valuable and rarest in the game.

Recently, I had seen my ex posting on the forums. I didn't know he had an account, he had made it within this year, long after I got the fuck away from him, and I only knew it was him because he uses the same username everywhere. This person had groomed me, physically abused me when we were together (we no longer live anywhere near each other, thankfully) and has always been emotionally manipulative. He does not know I play, and he wouldn't recognize my account as me. I took a note of his account and left it be for a while, until December 18th hit and I took a peek at what he had got. And what he got was one of the new Unreleased pets, which currently at the time of writing this only looks like a box of cereal. (Most pets on the site have growth stages.) And even better, all his groups were open for trade, so I took a chance and sent an extremely terrible trade. I told him that this pet would only be a recent rare, and I offered him a "Very Rare" rarity (but not very valuable) pet from 2018, telling him I was overpaying. (In the CS community, this is known as Ninjaing, and it's Not A Good Thing To Do). I didn't expect him to accept it, I at least thought he'd be smart enough to ask in the trade advice thread that is literally pinned on the home page for December 18th, but he didn't. He took my word for it and accepted the trade, and now I own an unreleased pet that will eventually end up as an OMGSR.

What I did was not a bannable offence. He will not get his unreleased pet back. The CS mods are laughable at worst, incompetent at best, and don't do anything to stop scamming. They have an "eh, sucks to be you, sorry, be smarter next time" mentality when people get scammed (Which is insane because there are literal single digit aged children allowed on this site!!!)

After taking a bit to think about it, I do feel a bit guilty because I really would not do this in any other circumstances. I hate scamming. I did what I did out of anger and contempt, and I do feel a bit guilty because in essence, I scammed a new player that didn't have much else and didn't know any better.

I'm still keeping that unreleased cereal box no matter what though

What are these acronyms?

[asofspades]

I'm making a list of my favourite Four HC

- He has a necklace made from a shard of the dark mirror to remember Shadow and a strand of his hair is dyed purple in his honour.

- I like to count Four swords and Four swords adventures as separate adventures, so he's been on 3 adventures.

- Four Swords personally would be literally Link and 3 copies of him, I like to consider this as if the clones you can make in Minish Cap just had a solid body and thinking ability but Link does go back to being the same at the end of the adventure

- Obviously I like to incorporate the FS manga to his last adventure and this time Link splits into four different beings each a main part of his personality but over the course of the adventure they sort of become their own person

- That's why I headcanon that Four isn't really link as he was before his last adventure, for me all of the colours went back together into one body but remained separate, they usually work together and that would be Four as we know him.

- Obviously I love the HC that we have seemed to collectively agree on that Four's eyes change colour depending on who's more dominant at certain points.

- I do think that sometimes not all of them are driving the wheel together and that might be because they just went through a moment that required a lot of one of the specific colours or they're in disagreement

-That leads me to the HC that Four gets migraines when the colours are not in sync, which is another one most of the fandom seems to share.

- I'm also a fan of the "dark portals scramble the colours and thus Four" collective HC

- particularly I like to think that Four is both distrustful of dark magic because of the whole Vaati resurrecting and Ganon thing, and the soldiers and his father being controlled by that magic but also it makes him sad because it reminds him of Shadow's magic

- Also, while I HC that Vio was the closest to Shadow for obvious reasons I think when they merged into Four their memories and feelings were instantly registered by each other and now the other colours also appreciate Shadow for more than just sacrificing himself for them and Hyrule.

-I like to HC that he was almost the same age as Time was in OOT for his first adventure, as a bonus I like to think his bday is on the Picori Festival day which adds an extra layer of depth to both the beginning of his first adventure and his relationship with the Minish

- Following that logic I like to HC him as being freshly 8 y.o for his first adventure, around 11 for the second and almost 14 for the 3rd, and as such I love the idea that Vio and Shadow kind of developed crushes on each other.

- On that same note, since we can see Link as a soldier in the FS manga, but obviously there's only his Grandpa in MC, I like to HC that his father was deployed somewhere far away from Hyrule for diplomatic reasons (he's the captain of the royal guard after all) and he comes back after the first adventure. He gets told about what his child did and decides him joining the Royal Guard would be a good idea

- Following the previous HC, I like to think Link is not really enthusiastic about joining the Royal Guard because my boy got raised by his very cool blacksmith Grandpa who loves him very much and he's a little blacksmith at heart. Which kind of explains why he looks a bit done about being part of the royal guard, aside from the fact that he's literally saved Hyrule on his own before. That is also the reason he's so proud to be a blacksmith but never talks about having been in the Royal Guard.

- This is a more niche HC but since Four's era is way before OOT and way after SS I like to think the legal age changes a lot and so I HC that in Four's Hyrule you're considered an adult at around 14 so he's already working an paying taxes and is of marring age by the time he joins the chain.

- That brings me to another point and it's that I HC Four to be 16 in linked universe (I think that one's also pretty much shared by the fandom) but since legally he's been an adult for 2 years he gets thrown off by people calling him "kid" despite technically being the second youngest, he's a kid in basically everyone's time but his and I find that idea hilarious.

- Another commonly shared HC, four hasn't grown or has barely grown a cm since his first adventure because he overused minish magic, I like to add a twist and since you also turn into a minish in FS I like to think he grew a tiny bit between his first and second adventures but the overuse during the 2nd one was what did him in.

- Another HC is that four can in fact use the minish magic by himself, making him one of the Links with innate magic ability. Going a step further I think both Hyrule and Time can detect some Fae magic emanating out of him due to his entrenchment with the minish and his earring and sword (after all the four sword was forged form the remains of the Picori blade), Legend can sense some light magic coming off of him (he can canonically use innate magic and is attuned to magic artifacts) and Twilight can sense something similar to Midna's magic and the twilight mirror due to the dark mirror shard necklace Four carries.

Technically Wind can use light magic just because but I like to think he senses magic but really doesn't know what he's sensing at all because nobody bothered to explain magic to him even though he uses it a lot and often.

- okay, the shield think, we know the Shield in WW and MC are quite literally the same shield. And while I support people who have the whole "wind is Four's descendant" HC, for me personally I think people just knew it belonged to a hero and the people who found it after the great flood decided to keep it and it ended up becoming a family heirloom. Particularly they just mention that it belonged to a hero, and it's the first and only time that they don't mention that hero being the Hero of Time like they do in every other instance.

- the Palace of the Four Swords is a tricky one because me personally, I like to think that Four's soul is tied to his sword not only because he forged it but because of his second and particularly his 3rd adventure. Thus, when he dies he turns into a sword spirit and in the downfall timeline the sacred realm becomes the dark world and all inside it becomes corrupt and the sword that has been resting there for eras along with it's spirit gets corrupted as well prompting the events that happen at the FS palace in ALTTP.

- personally I like to think that since the Sacred Realm gate never opens in the child timeline the sword just rests in it's palace (built out of the elemental sanctuary that became the four sword sanctuary) along with it's spirit. And for the adult timeline it just rests underwater along with the rest of the old Hyrule forever undisturbed.

I find it really tricky that the splitting of the timeline ends up affecting previous heroes in the long run but it makes sense.

-Also, because SS takes place way way before MC I like to think the story of Sky is barely known outside of the Royal Family who might know a bit just because it's tied to their very existence. However I find that I like the idea that the people of the sky do know a version of said story and are descendants of the skyloftians who never took to the surface and that's why after living on the surface for a while by themselves they decided to go back to the skies and build a city on the cloud tops. Coincidentally since the Minish did come form the sky as well they might know about those stories. I think the molemits found in the wind ruins might be a version of the mogma mits from SS and the gust jar might have been inspired by the gust bellows from SS.

- Take I like, the blue ocarina in OOT that seems to be an heirloom of the Royal Family is in fact the Ocarina of Wind from MC, timeline wise it is the earliest apparition of that ocarina. My personal HC is Four gives it to Zelda either as a parting gift before parting on a trip where he ends up dying or he simply has it on his will to give Zelda that ocarina when he dies. With time the Royal Family unknowingly or knowingly infuse it with the power of the Goddess giving it the abilities we see in OOt and then in MM but, by the time it gets found by Legend in ALTTP is has basically lost all abilities except for the one to call a bird to bring you places. Personally I like to think that in the fallen timeline since the ocarina is in Link's hands when he fails it gets lost after being used to open the sacred realm and a regular someone ends up finding it prompting the side quest you do in ALTTP to get it.

- I also think that Four's relationship with his father is a bit rocky since he left the Royal Guard to become a full time blacksmith.

Some Colour headcanons

- Red enjoys using the fire rod but he doesn't like when people mess around too much with fire in forest because it reminds him of the third adventure

- Blue hates the cold because of the time he was encased in ice during the 3rd adventure

-Green has a need to save everyone because he still feels like he failed people during his 3rd adventure

- Vio likes to act all smug about his traitor act but he actually feels very bad about having tricked and betrayed shadow and he feels guilty that Shadow sacrificed himself after having been betrayed.

- Green also blames himself for Shadow and he finds it hard to be around their father because of the whole 3rd adventure.

[aois-amaterasu-painting]

DOGMA book: member interview translations

Interviewer: The keywords associated with "PROJECT: DARK AGE" and "THE OMINOUS YEAR," leading up to the release of "DOGMA," have all been gloomy, exuding a sense of despair rather than hope. Does this mean that the GazettE has been dwelling in darkness for a while?

Ruki: Rather than darkness...how should I put it? By the time the flow of time associated with our previous work "BEAUTIFUL DEFORMITY" had ended, we became aware of our standing and began thinking about what to do next. We weren't in the mood to create happy music (laughs), but we also weren't feeling gloomy. It was more like a sense of anger—a bundle of frustration. We are genuinely rebellious at heart, yet there were circumstances where we couldn't rebel, living as cogs in society.

Interviewer: You mean the absurdity of knowing that something is wrong but still having to comply with it?

Ruki: Exactly. As we continued our band activities, we encountered various people's thoughts—those of other bands and people from record companies. This made us reflect on how we should live. For instance, to achieve various successes, I had countless responsibilities and no time for leisure. My focus shifted more towards cramming in various tasks rather than having fun. But then, I'd wonder, "How does everyone else manage?" and consider if others might be neglecting such details. This made me realize that our meticulousness might actually be one of our strengths.

Interviewer: Even at the cost of sacrificing your own time?

Ruki: Instead of living a wealthy life with lots of money, it's more important for us to see how much we can dedicate to the band. Of course, this applies to when we are performing live as well, but it's crucial to show that we are betting everything on this lifestyle. I hate doing things half-heartedly. Even if we were a popular band performing in large stadiums, I'd still want to maintain an aggressive stance. Although I can't speak for the feelings of bands in that situation.

Interviewer: The opposite of aggressive is defensive. Do you have a sense of crisis about becoming complacent in your activities as your career progresses?

Ruki: There's a part of me that thinks we might eventually become more relaxed about these aspects. In that sense, I try not to think of myself as absolute. However, I do everything to feel that "we're the best!" and I don't want to spare any effort to achieve that. I don't know how others perceive it, but the image of the GazettE has grown significantly in my mind, and I have been thinking a lot about how to shape it in the future. Having time to think about it was very significant.

Interviewer: Indeed. In 2014, you were busy with a tour themed "redefinition," without releasing any new material.

Ruki: Having a whole year without a release was unusual. We were always moving forward and didn't have much time to look back. But during that tour, we could think about many things. There was a sense that when we released our next work, we had to come back changed. Therefore, we needed to think carefully about what we wanted to do and how we should be. Eventually, I realized that our core lies in live performances. The essence of our live shows is built upon something unique to us. While searching for that answer, I felt like we were seeking something akin to religiosity—not resembling any specific religion but perhaps related to the fervor of our fan unity.

Interviewer: Do you mean the degree of empathy and collective feeling beyond normal bounds?

Ruki: There might be some of that, but I also want to delve deeper into it. I wanted to redefine and present it anew. Even the sight of the audience during "Kantou Dogeza Kumiai" was extraordinary and special. So, instead of expanding into a gray zone or appealing to a broader general audience, we wanted to be unbeatable within our niche. But we don't intend to remain confined within the existing visual kei boundaries; we aim to elevate everything beyond that. That's one of our conclusions. We don't want to be lax about anything and strive to do everything thoroughly.

Interviewer: In other words, you want to be absolute and definitive.

Ruki: Yes. Rather than creating a religious-like world, we want an absolute feeling that also resonates with religious undertones. We have an absolute worldview that we believe in, and it involves attitudes and ideologies rather than just songs. We then present and share everything with our fans. That overlaps significantly with the word "dogma."

Interviewer: In the dictionary, it means doctrine or creed.

Ruki: I don't particularly love the word "dogma" itself. It's been used in many places before. But instead of being the first band to use the term, we wanted to be the band that expressed "dogma" most profoundly.

Interviewer: Using words like religion and doctrine requires a certain determination, doesn't it? If it were a real religion, the proponents would need to be gods or prophets, presenting something absolute for followers to believe in.

Ruki: We actually tried to create that. So, we're very confident in ourselves. Of course, we've always been confident, but this is more about a comprehensive confidence. The title "DOGMA" is very symbolic. And the pursuit of what we think "DOGMA" should be is not limited to just one CD. We planned to take our time to carry out various things associated with this album. At the same time, regarding the album's composition, we used to aim for a balanced inclusion of various elements, like "let's include this type of song" or "we need a song like this," but we decided to stop that. Previously, each album had at least one "good song," but for an album named "DOGMA," we decided not to include anything that didn't fit. Of course, it's not that there are no melodic or catchy elements at all...

Ruki: We have included songs with depth, but it's more like we deliberately set a 'rigidness' to it.

Interviewer: So, instead of maintaining balance within the work, you focused on thoroughly expressing the core element?

Ruki: Yes. There's always a balance in our live performances, like having a song come in at a certain point, or placing a specific type of song before another. We started by breaking away from that.

Interviewer: And when it came to embodying "this is what the GazettE is," anger and darkness were indeed essential elements?

Ruki: In reality, part of the reason we started doing this was because we were drawn to emotions like anger. Somehow, I don't have the option in myself to turn happy things or enjoyable things into songs. Of course, if something makes me happy, my heart moves, but it's not a deep emotional movement, you know? You don't stay joyful for days over one thing. Instead, anger, fear of the current world, and anxiety tend to root themselves deeply and linger. As these emotions amplify, they naturally emerge in the music, not because I consciously decided to push them to the forefront, but because it just naturally turned out that way.

Interviewer: There are tragic incidents and accidents occurring daily. Some of your lyrics seem inspired by such realities.

Ruki: Yes. For example, juvenile crime. Apparently, juvenile crime itself is relatively declining. However, regardless of that, there's a part of me that can't help but be concerned about things like the relationship between victims and perpetrators, or the incidents where family members are affected afterwards... Even though such aspects aren't often highlighted on TV, they catch my attention. Even in cases where there should absolutely be severe punishment, there are perpetrators who manage to evade responsibility, or there are systems in society that allow such things to happen... Such contradictions and hidden aspects move me emotionally because there are likely feelings involved that I can't even imagine.

Interviewer: Because you can't imagine them, you want to understand them?

Ruki: Yes. I want to express that depth of emotion through sound and words. It's not about the incident or the emotion itself, but the depth of it. Therefore, I'm not singing about specific incidents directly. While I can't understand the sadness faced by those affected, imagining it happening to me makes me want to express that depth of emotion and translate it into music.

Interviewer: And the fact that such incidents don't stop means it could happen to anyone, including yourself.

Ruki: Exactly. It can happen to anyone. Everyone must think, "It would be great if these things didn't happen, but they don't stop."

Interviewer: Indeed, those lingering feelings are easier to use as a starting point for expression compared to joy or pleasure.

Ruki: We rarely feel joy so intense it's hard to imagine in our lives. Such feelings are often momentarily released and don't go beyond that. On the opposite, anger and sadness that can't be directed anywhere are feelings everyone tries to hide. You can't burst into tears on the spot, and crying doesn't necessarily make you feel better.

Interviewer: Similarly, even if you harbor feelings of intense anger, you can't go around breaking things or shouting loudly.

Ruki: That's right. The anger towards the perpetrator or the criminal is not something trivial. For example, if my son were killed by a juvenile, I can't even imagine what kind of feelings I'd have.

I think there would be a feeling of needing to kill the perpetrator myself to feel satisfied. Even if that meant breaking the law, the feeling of needing to take matters into my own hands. However, while I might desperately want to kill the criminal in my heart, that's not something allowed for a human. Therefore, these dark feelings have to be hidden and can't be shared with anyone. Unless they're expressed through a song.

In short, that's what it is. For example, I don't think it's appropriate to write about such feelings on Twitter. I'm not trying to share those feelings with others; instead, from my position, I wanted to express those dark feelings through lyrics and sound. And by doing so, I can also expel the murkiness within myself. It's similar to how someone who writes novels might feel. For instance, I have my own thoughts on politics, but I'm not deeply knowledgeable about it, so I don't think it would be right to write about it half-heartedly on Twitter or a blog. Rather, I have a lot of things I want to say that wouldn't fit in such places.

Interviewer: RUKI-san's lyrics aren't explicitly advocating any particular ideology; sometimes it's about the world of imagery. However, that's where those emotions are being expelled, right?

Ruki: That's right. However, it depends on the theme as well. For example, if the theme of a song's lyrics is love. But love isn't tangible. When you try to write about it, it inevitably becomes abstract. If it's limited to the feeling of liking someone, it might become a bit more concrete, but I feel like there's nothing for me to write about such intangible things. As for anger, it's better not to have such feelings. I don't want to evoke a chain of negative events, and I don't wish for such things to happen around me. But anger doesn't go away, and I find myself feeling it more and more each year.

Interviewer: As a result, fans who listen to your music might find some form of healing through those expressions.

Ruki: I wonder about that. Many of our fans are quite enthusiastic. At our live shows, some don't even look at the stage and just headbang (laughs). That's fine. I'm not the type to shout, "Look at us!" during live performances. Rather, I prefer for the atmosphere to be filled with our worldview. For example, if someone releases their stress by going wild at our concerts, that's fine with me. Of course, I have things I want to convey too. But each fan has their own story. We don't know what emotions they bring with them to our concerts. But I think there's something in my emotions that resonates with each of them. I've only recently started thinking this way. Until a while ago, I thought it was enough to just keep the anger and such feelings within myself. As long as I felt my thinking wasn't wrong, that was enough.

Interviewer: It's not about being right by societal standards, but understanding that they are not wrong as your own feelings, right?

Ruki: Exactly. It might not be correct if you take a majority vote, but these are my feelings. So putting those feelings into lyrics is actually quite a forceful imposition.

Interviewer: It's not a question of "Isn't it like this?" It's more of a definitive statement, like words in a sacred text.

Ruki: That's right. It's because it's absolute. So it's not about "There are various ways of thinking." For me, this is the definitive answer. I'm not saying, "You should feel the same," but rather, "This is how it is for me."

Interviewer: So it's a one-way expression. But if it gathers enough empathy, it could even form a kind of religion.

Ruki: Yes, that's right.

Interviewer: So I'd like to ask again, in the end, what is the most important thing for the GazettE to be the GazettE?

Ruki: That's... it's really difficult to answer clearly... For example, right now, I don't find many bands that I think are cool. I don't mean that in a bad way. Of course, there are many people I respect. But the ideal band I envision, which includes not just the music but also things like the quality of the visuals and the way they dress, those elements combined, that's what I wanted to pursue, which led to the "PROJECT: DARK AGE" approach.

Interviewer: You don't want to idealize someone from the past, you have to create your own ideal form.

Ruki: That's right. I don't want to seek ideals in the past, and I want to focus on what visual kei really means. Visual kei isn't just about looks; it's about the mindset. When I first discovered LUNA SEA, I was drawn to those aspects and felt the "now" of that era in their band style. Moreover, they definitely expressed darkness. That impression was vivid for me, and that's what visual kei means to me. But I don't think we should cling to those past ideals in 2015. Honestly, until recently, I was probably trapped by that. I was trying to preserve the old-school visual kei within myself.

Interviewer: To inherit, deepen, and pass it on to the next generation?

Ruki: Yes. But I felt that I had to devour the visual kei of the past in order to be satisfied within myself. Therefore, I had a strong feeling of embodying the world view and pursuing quality that I hadn't been able to fully realize before. As a result, if you ask whether what we created falls within the bounds of visual kei, it might not. But by embodying those ideals and becoming such a presence ourselves, I felt we might find a unique position. Thinking about why so many people come to see us, I felt the answer was there. There's a traditional idea of what visual kei is supposed to be. For me, that's also the standard. When you think of visual kei, there's an image. But we can't remain kids chasing that image forever. This realization hit me while we were on the "Redefinition" tour.

Interviewer: So the pursuit of ideals so far was based on the classic model of the past. But now, you have to create your own ideal path and present yourselves to the generations who don't know your past. You can't stay in an old, balanced, or vague state.

Ruki: That's right. And it's not about wanting to be popular with younger audiences. We want to emphasize "now" in our own way and proceed with everything based on that. I think that's what we should be doing. We don't want to stop evolving. We're not trying to revitalize the visual kei industry. It's not about that; we want to be individuals. We want to maintain a stance of not blending in. We want to continue evolving without forgetting the respect we have for those who influenced us. Only by being like that can we be a truly current band. The goal is not to uplift this genre of music for the world. Instead, we want to become an indispensable and absolute presence for those who need us.

Interviewer: The GazettE might still be visual kei, but the motivation for being visual kei has changed.

Ruki: For me, it has. My feelings have changed. We're not focusing on continuing as visual kei. Ultimately, it started from wanting to be cool. Looking around, I don't see any bands that I think are cool, so it would be strange to try to blend in. So, we decided to seek our ideals as individuals. Also, when our fans show someone our music and say they like visual kei, I don't want the reaction to be "Wow." Are they still doing this in this era?" For example, and it's an extreme example, but if you compare us to Taylor Swift, I don't want there to be an obvious gap.

Our English lyrics are done by someone in London, and they say that over there, bands need to be unique to be recognized. If the quality and message of a band aren't apparent, there's no place for them. If it's clearly felt that our level is lower, everything will be dismissed as inferior. So we decided to go all out with "PROJECT: DARK AGE," creating something we could be confident in.

Interviewer: So you wanted to present a team that could compete with the world?

Ruki: Yes. Over there, each individual stands out. In Japan, mastering engineers are seen as behind-the-scenes, but in America, names like Ted Jensen are well-known. We work surrounded by people who are on par with them, and we want to show that. Whether we're the best intermediary for that is uncertain, but that's what we wanted to convey.

Interviewer: On the other hand, even if you have a reliable team, if the work itself is mediocre or vague, it means nothing. So, creating something absolute and pushing yourselves to the limit was crucial.

Ruki: Yes. As a result, it became our strength. When a band tries to move forward, obstacles sometimes come from unrelated places. But each time that happened, our rebellious spirit grew, making us want to speed up even more. We need to reach a place where those obstacles are no longer a concern.

Interviewer: The title of your work "DOGMA" is quite striking. How did you feel when you first heard it?

Uruha: I simply thought it was cool. First of all, the sound of the word is good. Simple and impactful words have mostly already been used, right? Although the word "dogma" itself has already been used in many places, we hadn't used it before. The sound of this word links well with musical expression. If we use this title, the work inevitably has a darker tone. That aligns with our strengths. So, from the start, I thought it was a great idea.

Interviewer: It's a word that means creed, doctrine, or principle. Having it as a title implies that the work embodies your essence or what you've always had, rather than exploring unknown music.

Uruha: Yes. The darkness typical of visual kei that we've always pursued is part of it, but expressing the creation of a new religion is something we hadn't tackled before. So, it seemed interesting. Combining religious elements with visual kei. For example, there are quite a few visual kei bands that use Christian imagery as a motif. Instead of an existing religion, creating a brand-new one ourselves has a certain freedom. There are no constraints. If we were to be conscious of an existing religion, there would be limitations and difficulties, but if we create it ourselves, nothing gets in the way.

Interviewer: Indeed. When you describe a work as having a "religious feel," people might think of pipe organ sounds or hymn-like elements. But that's not the case here. Rather, it's an album that redefines what the GazettE is all about.

Uruha: Yes. It's like looking at ourselves from a bird's eye view. It's like, "Yeah, this is who we are." Even at our live shows, there are elements that seem religious. All the fans moving in unison with the music. Sometimes we feel, "You don't have to move like that," or "You could be more free." We feel a bit conflicted about it, but ultimately, we have to accept that this is our way. We think, "Let's present it in a cool way." So, choosing a "religious" presentation was one of the options to make it really cool.

Interviewer: Do you personally follow any religion?

Uruha: No, I don't.

Interviewer: For people who are overly devoted to religion, it can sometimes seem dangerous. We all remember incidents related to new religious movements. For the followers, it's sacred and worship-worthy, but for others, it can appear strange or dirty. Didn't you feel any danger in presenting things in a religious manner?

Uruha: Rather than those real aspects, it’s more about my own perspective since I don't really know much about religion. For example, "Why do so many people gather for this?" It's the pulling power of the sect or the leader. That power to attract people is something we want to have and show during our live performances. Without it, any band would be hopeless.

Interviewer: So, the idea was to create your own religion to strengthen that attraction?

Uruha: Yes. No matter how seriously you pursue music, it's essentially the same thing. It's establishing a religious group and seeing how many people follow it. Even starting a fan club is similar. Recruiting members is like a religion. The only difference is whether music is at the core.

Interviewer: So, there's no need to overreact to the word "religion"?

Uruha: Exactly. We're not trying to present any doctrines or teachings (laughs). If there's anything close to that, it would be something like, "You should vent your daily life stress at our live performances!" (laughs). That's really all there is to it. So, the interpretation of the album is up to the listeners. How they perceive each song is up to them. What's more important is the tour. We’ll be touring with this concept, and the key is how many people we can attract and how much we can entertain them. That's everything.

Interviewer: It also means drawing people in more deeply, right?

Uruha: Yes. Just like followers of a religion go through what they call training, producing adrenaline in the process. In a different form, but fundamentally similar. So, when people are going wild at our shows, it might look like training from an outsider's perspective.

Interviewer: I see. It feels like this work and concept will be crucial for the band to aim higher and continue for a long time. What do you think is the most important thing the band must not lose?

Uruha: The things we mustn't lose... there are many. Too many to count. The most important would be the parts that drive us. If we lose our passion, it would be like having our engine taken out of a car. Trust and relationships with those around us are also crucial. If our connection with the fans breaks, that would be really bad. So, there are many things we must not lose.

Interviewer: What do you think is necessary for the GazettE to continue being the GazettE?

Uruha: What could it be? Probably freedom. The freedom to come up with ideas and pursue different concepts is because of the environment we have. Without that environment, we wouldn’t be able to do anything. So, the most important thing might be freedom.

Interviewer: It's interesting that having an environment where you can think freely allowed you to create something very focused.

Uruha: Yes. Because we have that freedom, we could create this. Trying to do everything at once wouldn't work. Freedom allowed us to create a tightly focused world.

Uruha: But this way of thinking has only recently come about. During the previous album, the freedom we had was more in the ordinary sense. Our use of freedom was different. Realizing that change is part of the flow from the last work to this one.

Interviewer: "DOGMA" isn't a balanced album in the usual sense. It's not a collection of diverse songs with a good balance. Instead, you could say that every song is intense and dark from start to finish. Why were you able to create something like this without hesitation?

Uruha: That's probably because our ideals have changed. When we made the previous album, our ideal was to create a well-balanced work with various elements. But after doing that, we realized that it left an empty space. Noticing that gap led to the next ideal. Ideals aren't singular. If you only have one ideal, you'll end up doing the same thing repeatedly.

Interviewer: Continuously refining the same thing can be beautiful...

Uruha: Yes, if that's truly their ideal. But for the GazettE, I don't think that's the case. We're always looking for gaps, something missing. So, after finishing one thing, we always come up with the next thing we want to do. This momentum and constant change is what drives the band.

Interviewer: So, if people were to say, "How was the new album?" and the answer is, "It's the same as before," that would be a crisis.

Uruha: That would be quite bad. However, it's fine for other bands to stay the same. I don't demand change from bands I like. I want them to stay the same. But we don’t want to keep doing the same thing ourselves (laughs).

Interviewer: That’s quite contrary (laughs). As a listener, you listen to what you want to hear. But as a creator, it’s different.

Uruha: Yes. There's definitely a difference between my creator self and listener self. It may seem contradictory, but both coexist within me. Just creating what my listener self wants to hear doesn’t satisfy my creator self.

Interviewer: You mentioned changing ideals. It makes sense that reactions and reflections on the previous work lead to changes. So, after "DOGMA," will you find another gap?

Uruha: Probably. With "PROJECT: DARK AGE," we’ve put in an unprecedented amount of effort, so the reaction might be significant (laughs). I'm sure there will be moments when we think, "I don't want to do intense songs anymore." I can already see that reaction coming. And since we will continue with this concept for a while, we’ll likely feel fed up with it and be thorough to the point of exhaustion (laughs).

Interviewer: I don’t completely understand your future plans yet, but it seems like it won’t just be one album and a tour. You’re planning to take more time and be thorough.

Interviewer: What led you to this idea?

Uruha: As I said earlier, we’re seeking an attraction. We felt that we needed to have the momentum to turn everyone into believers. Looking back, we thought our previous works had a weak pull. We realized that if the work itself didn’t draw people in, it was pointless. We needed to attract our core audience more deeply. And even though we call them the core audience, we wondered if they all truly felt as passionately as we thought. That’s why we felt the need to draw them in thoroughly, at least once. To do that, we needed a concept that could captivate even ourselves. The word “dogma” had the power to do that. It had something that stirred the heart, which was crucial.

Interviewer: So, the word "dogma" didn't just pop up suddenly, but it came about naturally because you wanted to increase your attraction and become a definitive presence?

Uruha: Exactly. It’s a word with a sound we like and we thought the fans would like it too. We were searching for a word that could reach those sensitive spots, and we came across this word. It wasn’t just a word we liked; it also pointed to something we needed at the time. Everyone who likes visual kei gathered because of that. The band members, the fans, there’s a commonality among us. With “DOGMA,” we want to pull those who gather around the GazettE even deeper. We want to draw them in even more intensely than just within the circle of the GazettE. We want them to get to the core.

Interviewer: Does that mean that music alone isn’t enough to achieve this?

Uruha: Of course, music is the foundation. It must be compelling enough to draw people in on its own. Even before the artwork and accompanying elements were decided, the idea of releasing an album called "DOGMA," which seemed intense, already excited me. At that point, I had already cleared my own hurdle. So, I had high expectations. If it’s something I can look forward to, I’m sure the fans will follow. We have to believe in that. If it’s not accepted, then our tastes must be different...

Interviewer: Yes. it would be disappointing, wouldn't it?

Uruha: Yes. But I think it’s good to clarify any ambiguity. By reaffirming what our music is about, the fans will understand the band better. I believe that will be the result.

Interviewer: You want to deepen the relationship with the fans to the point where it could almost be called religious.

Uruha: Yes. To put it simply, I want to make them unable to escape. Not just strengthening the bond.

Interviewer: And as you mentioned earlier, this is definitely at the core of the GazettE in 2015, however, this doesn't mean it will continue like this musically forever.

Uruha: I think so. It depends on the reaction we get after this album is released and after the tour. It will depend on the reaction within ourselves during that time too. It will determine where we go next. Right now, it's still too early to say.

Uruha: I don't really want to think about it. Right now, I’m focusing completely on this, and when I’m entirely focused, the next reaction should naturally emerge. In the past, I thought I had to see several years into the future. But that can make the present feel insubstantial. While the future is important, I want to focus on the amazing concept in front of us now. We can't go back to who we were at that time. For example, a work is like a child; if I had a child, their early years would never come again. That’s why I want to be fully present at that moment. I think it’s the same thing.

Interviewer: Thinking about the future doesn’t necessarily open the path ahead.

Uruha: I think there's a way to move forward like that, of course. However, I've come to think that focusing on the present will connect to the future better.

Interviewer: Even if you try to think about the future...

Uruha: It doesn’t go as planned (laughs).

Interviewer: Even if you make a plan, it doesn’t go accordingly. But the reason you tried to plan was because of anxiety, right?

Uruha: That might be part of it. I was thinking about how to keep going. Like, since we came this far, what’s next, or considering the state of the world. But looking back, those events don’t end up being that meaningful. Taking that stance can make time pass by unremarkably. I think it’s more important to create something big and focus on it. To tackle each moment as it comes.

Interviewer: And by focusing on the present, some kind of reaction is always born, revealing the next step. It seems that now you can focus on the present because you've gained a solid sense of identity and the anxiety has disappeared.

Uruha: Yes. Simply put, it’s because “I’m interested in this now.” The flow of time up to this point has been important. The “redefinition” tour had a huge impact. That year was significant. From the outside, people might have wondered about it.

Interviewer: Like, “Are you on hiatus?”

Uruha: That was one reaction. People also probably said, “Release a CD!” But having a year without releases was important. At that time, we were convinced that we needed a break.

Interviewer: If you’re stuck in the routine of releasing an album and touring every year, the band might burn out. Taking time off can reveal things you hadn’t seen before. Through the “redefinition” process, you re-experienced your past chronologically and confirmed that your history was a series of reactions.

Uruha: Yes. We needed to review what the GazettE is and take time to think. Everyone has times when they need a break. Continuing in the same cycle indefinitely isn't normal. It was important for people to understand that we’re human.

Interviewer: This ties into whether music alone is enough. Will the band continue to be visual kei in the future?

Uruha: I think so (laughs). Not because we’re bound by it, but because we like it. We don’t see ourselves as fitting into a category; we just like visual kei and it’s ingrained in us. We use visual kei methods and nuances to realize our ideals. After being in visual kei for so long, we don’t even think of ourselves as playing visual kei music anymore. It doesn’t matter. We do things that don’t seem visual kei naturally. We initially sought that when we started the band, but over time, we’ve experimented with different genres. How people categorize us doesn’t matter anymore.

Interviewer: The ideal stance is that categories don’t matter and aren’t necessary. The band isn’t trying to be visual kei; rather, when the GazettE does what it does best, visual elements and methods are indispensable, right?

Uruha: Yes. So, when people say, “You have visual kei elements,” I don’t deny it. “Oh, really? That shows?” (laughs). But we’re not doing visual kei. There’s no resistance to it, but that’s not the point. I want people to understand that we’re not trying to compete within that framework.

Interviewer: That sentiment must be reflected in this work, too.

Uruha: Yes. What we should create and wanted to create is exactly this. But it doesn’t mean we’ll stay the same forever. While we may not have infinite time, we’ll decide together on the next direction and run towards it. And it feels really freeing.

Interviewer: It’s because of that freedom that you can go deeper. It’s not that this was the only thing you could create, but you chose this among infinite possibilities. That’s important.

Uruha: That’s crucial. No doubt.

Interviewer: The birth of the title “DOGMA” was inevitable, and without it, this work wouldn’t exist.

Uruha: Yes. In reality, it’s about fitting the word and concept to what we wanted to do. It’s not that we had a theme first and created around it, but rather what we wanted to do came first. Then we thought, “What word expresses this?” and that’s how we arrived at the title.

Interviewer: Even if you had thought of the word “dogma” between the previous albums, you were in a period of wanting to create new music and try unknown methods. So, it wouldn’t have been the title then.

Uruha: Yes. If we had finished the previous album and come up with this word, we might have chosen it. But if it had come up before making the previous album, it would’ve been rejected. It really appeared at the right time. I think everything had that kind of inevitability.

Interviewer: It’s often said that a name represents its essence, and I think the same can be said about the album "DOGMA." What kind of image did you have of this title, Aoi-san?

Aoi: You mean as a word, right? At first, I wondered, “What is 'dogma'?” The word itself didn’t feel very real to me. It wasn’t completely disconnected from the band’s image, but it also wasn’t straightforward. It didn’t quite fit comfortably anywhere. Also, while the word was new to us, it had been used in many contexts before.

Interviewer: It's been quite commonly used in the visual kei scene, hasn't it?

Aoi: Yes, exactly. So, initially, I didn’t have a great impression of it. I wondered, “Why use this word now?” There was that feeling. In our past works, we've often embraced somewhat impersonal or coined terms, and this word "dogma" appeared suddenly, with a worldview that seemed too fixed. At first, it was difficult to grasp how to approach it.

Interviewer: The previous two albums had a clear concept in terms of how the music was made, right? But with the word “dogma,” it’s hard to see a specific method or theme.

Aoi: It’s paradoxical. It’s both too clear and too elusive at the same time.

Interviewer: The word has a grandiose feel. Did it feel strange to use such a religious-sounding word now?

Aoi: Yes, but in our discussions, it became clear that it represented an absolute thing for us, something fundamental to the GazettE. Once we understood that, it started to feel doable. Simply creating songs that respond to the word “dogma” wouldn’t have worked. But if it’s about our absolute essence, then we could work with that.

Interviewer: Your own absolute essence. That wouldn’t mean creating completely different music, but rather, focusing on what you’re best at, right?

Aoi: Yes. When we thought of it that way, we started to see the final form of the album. It felt more intense, like there weren’t many sweet elements. We’re not sure how it will affect listeners, but if we believe in it absolutely, then that result is fine. In the past, we might have thought we needed a ballad or a more familiar song. But for this, we didn’t worry about that.

Interviewer: Usually, when striving for an ideal album, you tend to think about the balance of the songs.

Aoi: If we had focused on that balance, it wouldn’t have turned out this way. In that sense, it’s not a balanced album. But making it as “DOGMA” naturally led to this. We couldn’t imagine it any other way. We created many songs and carefully selected from them, which led to this result. This is what we wanted to showcase, with absolute confidence.

Interviewer: That’s an interesting point. Normally, when selecting from many songs, you avoid ones that overlap in impression. But in this case, all the songs feel dark, like they’re all black in color. It’s hard to describe each track individually because many are expressed in similar terms.

Aoi: Exactly. There were times when it felt a bit scary. But if you don’t believe in yourselves, it can’t become something absolute. Making an album without worrying about balance is inherently scary. We want to be liked rather than disliked, naturally. There was a fear that it wouldn’t be accepted, but as a work, it’s better not to have regrets. If we had added pop songs or ballads for balance, we might have regretted it.

Interviewer: So, if you had aimed to write universally good or heart-touching songs, it wouldn’t have turned out this way. But perhaps that’s why it’s good.

Aoi: Yes, the starting point wasn’t to write universally acclaimed songs. It was simply about what we wanted people to hear. Even if it’s not accepted, we have no regrets. Otherwise, we couldn’t have titled it “DOGMA.” It’s a risky title because it asserts our doctrine. If something isn’t included here, it’s not part of the GazettE’s core path.

Interviewer: It’s true. This title indicates that what’s included here is essential to the band. If it’s not included, it suggests it’s not part of the GazettE’s core.

Aoi: Exactly. But right now, this is what we wanted to release. We don’t have more to show for “DOGMA” at this moment. There’s more to come in the future, but for the first release in this series, this form is the only one we could think of.

Interviewer: What led you to the decision to focus on your core essence so thoroughly here?

Aoi: It’s hard to say. It’s a flow from the previous two works. There’s a part of us testing ourselves within that flow. It felt like a challenge to see how far we could go with the GazettE. If we were going to go that far, it made sense to establish our absolutes. That’s my interpretation. Others in the band might have different thoughts, maybe they just thought “dogma” sounded cool (laughs). But that’s how I took it.

Interviewer: In the past, you’ve deliberately tried different approaches, even in the last two albums. You’ll probably continue exploring new areas in the future. But it seems you needed to reaffirm and shape your core essence now.

Aoi: I think so too. The band has been around for over ten years, and to continue working together in the future, this was a necessary step.

Aoi: If it’s not intense, I can’t feel a reason to do it. But, I think that after we create something like “DOGMA,” then when we think about creating something in the future, our vision will become clearer.

Interviewer: So to put it bluntly, it’s like creating a noun again, it becomes a work that says "this is the kind of band we are," right?

Aoi: Yeah. Ultimately, over these 13 years, there were times when I didn’t quite understand RUKI's symbolic part of the band, but reaching this point now feels significant. For example, in past interviews, I’ve said things like, “I don’t really understand this music.” During that time, I tried to understand the songs more deeply. That’s probably why we were able to create this album.

Interviewer: Even if a song didn’t align with your own tastes, you believed it would add value to the whole, or it was necessary for where you were heading in the future, right?

Aoi: Yes, that's right. So... RUKI doesn't really explain everything, so we have to find answers ourselves... Whether those answers are correct or not is uncertain, but we need to show a proactive stance. If we don’t, we might not really be a band anymore. We do get asked, “What do you want to do?” and we have to maintain a sense of being a band.

Interviewer: What it means to be a band can differ. It’s not necessarily about everyone always having intense communication and unified intentions. In the case of this band, there are a lot of elements like the band’s worldview and aesthetics that RUKI transmits, right? And the chemistry that happens around that defines your band’s essence.

Aoi: I want to believe that too. Honestly, there were times when I felt like it was just about his opinions. That was just my perspective. At such times, the members don’t talk more than necessary to each other, but if you try to understand, the other person responds. It's that kind of feeling. Such a flow comes around, and that’s how we got here.

Interviewer: I also feel that "DOGMA" will become a standard to measure various things against in the future.

Aoi: Indeed. Saying that might be interpreted as a return to roots, but it’s completely different. It’s not about going back to our roots. It’s still about the present and, probably the future too. RUKI remains the core of the GazettE. But no one really understands what’s in RUKI's head (laughs), and I honestly don’t know how we’ll progress from here. However, if we can branch out from that core, that’s the essence of the GazettE. Our way of creating works might change. But no matter what happens, it will still be the GazettE. That’s what I believe now. In a good sense, of course.

Interviewer: When you say “it will still be the GazettE,” it could be taken as meaning that you can’t become anything else, but that’s not the case. It means that no matter how things turn, it will still be the GazettE, right?

Aoi: Yes. That’s how I feel about it.

Interviewer: So, what do you think are the essential elements for the GazettE to continue being the GazettE? I’m sure it’s not just one or two things.

Aoi: Hmm. There was a time when I was quite self-deprecating (laughs), but that period is essential to my current self. Ultimately, it’s about these five members, no matter what. Even if one person seems outstanding and I feel envious of that, or if there used to be such feelings. Even though there were times when I saw someone standing out who wasn’t very visible from the outside, there must have been a part that was always sought after, and yet at that time, I didn't try to see that reality. So, after all, it’s important to keep in mind that "this person doesn't really want to do it solo, do they?" and that it's really the GazettE with these five people, and it’s important for mutual trust to exist, or it just won’t work. Otherwise, I don’t think we can make anything decent. Even now, in this situation, when we were making "DOGMA," we talked a lot. Yes, it's no good if there’s someone who's a bit self-deprecating (laughs). But I think if there hadn’t been such a time, I wouldn’t have been able to think the way I do now.

Interviewer: Everyone experiences different degrees of self-deprecation, and whether it’s visible or not, it’s something that’s always there. After more than 10 years as a band, it’s natural to have such phases. Those “valleys” allow you to climb the next “mountains,” so to speak.

Aoi: You’re absolutely right (laughs). That’s something we shouldn’t lose. It’s about not giving up. Even if it doesn’t feel right for you personally, you push through until the final moment of fixing it. Without that mindset, it’s disrespectful to the other members. That’s what we’re working on now. It’s important not to give up.

Interviewer: Not giving up. Essentially believing in yourselves but being wary of overconfidence?

Aoi: Yes, exactly.

Interviewer: Moreover, while believing in yourselves, your band is not completely closed off to outside influences. The existence of “PROJECT: DARK AGE” symbolizes that.

Aoi: Exactly. While we take the initiative in creating our works, especially regarding sound, it’s not something we do alone. It becomes a project for everyone involved. We need people who can resonate with that. That’s what makes a work complete. Only with people who can elevate each other can we create something meaningful. However, with “PROJECT: DARK AGE,” I did feel like we gathered a bunch of strong personalities (laughs).

Interviewer: Another essential element for the band’s existence and continuity is the fans. What do you want from them? Just your current thoughts.

Aoi: What is it? I don’t want them to take everything we present as absolute. Even though we’re putting out something we consider absolute, I don’t want them to have a one-track interpretation.

Aoi: Even if they don’t take everything we put out as absolute, that might actually be a good thing. I think it’s fine if our fans also check out other bands, and view us with a flexible mindset. For example, even if they think, “What are these guys doing now?” I just want them to enjoy it. It’s not like we’re saying, “We’re presenting this, so you must accept it in a certain way.”

Interviewer: "DOGMA" is a sacred text, an absolute thing. It has a somewhat religious aspect. In that sense, it could be seen as the band being the leaders and the fans being followers. However, you want to leave the interpretation of that sacred text up to the fans, right?

Aoi: Exactly. Personally, I see it as a set of principles for me to continue being part of the GazettE. That’s how I interpret it, and it feels right to me. I think it’s great if everyone listens, watches, and engages with it in their own way and develops their own interpretation of the GazettE. So, it’s not like we’re saying, “This is the answer from the five of us to you.”

Interviewer: It’s more like a set of conditions, rather than an answer.

Aoi: Yes, and it’s not like if you don’t meet these conditions, you can’t be a fan of the GazettE. At least, that’s not my perspective.

Interviewer: But, like a devoted follower memorizing a sacred text, it would be ideal if fans get deeply engrossed in this album and try to fully understand it.

Aoi: Of course. Personally, I consider it my absolute truth. It’s very gratifying if there are people who feel the same way. In that sense, it is somewhat religious. Even though I am not religious at all.

Interviewer: What is your image of religion?

Aoi: There are those who show something, and there are those who accept it... It's that kind of thing, isn't it? Certainly, I think there are similarities to the relationship between this band and its fans. However, what one believes in is up to the individual. I don’t see anything wrong with people finding solace in something religious. What we’re doing isn’t much different. There are people who pay to take in what we put out. However, we probably can’t really save anyone.

Interviewer: You don’t think so? I believe you do.

Aoi: Well, I'm not sure. There might be people out there who feel like they've been saved in some way (laughs). But, we’re not doing this with the grand purpose of saving someone. There are creators who send out something, and there are people who receive it or resonate with it. The more people resonate with it, the bigger it becomes. That feels very natural for a band.

Interviewer: Yes. Each person’s interpretation doesn’t need to be exactly the same, but it is like asking, “How will you receive the absolute aspect of the GazettE?”

Aoi: Yes, I think that’s a good place to leave it. I don’t want to go as far as limiting interpretations.

Interviewer: I also wanted to ask a bit about the visual kei approach. Previously, you all mentioned not wanting to go down the predictable path of becoming more natural as you gain experience. Has that mindset changed?

Aoi: Not really. I think, “If we’re not like this, who would want it?” It’s not something I can just stop or continue on my own will. The GazettE needs to be this way to be necessary. Honestly, continuing this way is a hassle, time-consuming, and tough. But if it’s what’s desired… I can’t just say, “I don’t want to do makeup anymore, I’ll go natural.” Aoi from the GazettE is undeniably me, but it’s not just about me anymore. The same goes for RUKI and the other members. It’s not something I can change based on my own feelings, stopping it forcefully would just be selfish and unnecessary ego.

Interviewer: I see. Indeed, music alone doesn’t define a band or a work. There are many surrounding elements like artwork, videos, and costumes. Some may say, “We are purely about the music, everything else doesn’t matter,” and that might seem like the correct stance for musicians. However, for your band, while music is fundamental, all visual elements are essential too. Without them, it wouldn’t be complete.

Aoi: Exactly. It's hard to put into words, but while music is absolutely central, it’s also just the starting point. What we create isn’t just simple music; it’s a comprehensive form. Our genre and the way we make music are about completing this holistic form. Sound is crucial, but it’s not just about sound. We want everything the audience interacts with to be perfect. That includes the visuals and makeup, if it’s necessary for what’s desired. We’re not just about one aspect.

Interviewer: Of course, hearing someone say, “I like the photos but not the music” would be disappointing. But you believe all these elements are essential for the work to be complete, right? Ideally, the aesthetic and sensibility behind the music should resonate as well.

Aoi: Absolutely. We’re definitely not ordinary, from our looks to everything else. But if you see us as a whole, you’ll realize how all the elements match perfectly. That’s enough for me. Sure, it’s tricky for summer outdoor festivals and it’s hard to maintain (laughs).

Interviewer: Your costumes have become more elaborate too.

Aoi: It does make it harder to move like a typical rock band, heavier in a way. But we still go to festivals like this (laughs). Even if it’s physically demanding, I want to keep moving lightly in spirit. This kind of intense worldview is something you can’t achieve otherwise. As long as it feels justified, it’s meaningful for us. For us, it’s all natural. Everything naturally accompanies the music.

Interviewer: Yes, I understand. For people who initially pick up your work because of the music, noticing these elements is valuable.

Aoi: Indeed. If it leads to new discoveries for them, that’s wonderful and exactly what we hope for.

Interviewer: When you put out a title like "DOGMA", it’s inevitable that people will wonder, "What is the GazettE?" It makes you imagine that this work delves deeply into that question. Is that the correct way to perceive it?

Reita: Yes, I think that's right.

Interviewer: What led you to the idea of creating such an album?

Reita: Up until now, we've made albums that embody a certain worldview, but it's never been this clear. We've tried to shape things based on themes like the colors of the five of us or the essence of the GazettE. However, this time, with the theme of "DOGMA," the very sound of the word stimulates imagination and suggests a specific concept. We've never created an album with such a defined theme before. As we delved into it, it became more interesting and we didn’t want to do anything halfway. That’s how it progressed.

Interviewer: Even without knowing the meaning of the word, I think everyone will get a sense of a creepy, heavy atmosphere. And in reality, it means doctrine or scripture. So, if this band were a religion, would this album be its scripture?

Reita: The relationship between this band and its fans is quite similar to that, isn’t it? We wanted to clearly present that quasi-religious atmosphere. At the same time, we also feel like, "Are we the only ones left in visual kei?" If that’s the case, then it’s only natural for us to create our own religion.

Interviewer: Are you saying, "We are the only gods"?

Reita: I wouldn’t go that far, but yes, something like that (laughs).

Interviewer: There are various bands within the visual kei scene with different musical directions. Instead of asserting that "we're different from others," you’re saying it’s more like, "It's okay with just us"?

Reita: Yes, we feel that if we do this, we won't lose to anyone, and other bands aren’t necessary. That's how we feel.

Interviewer: Now, you've turned everyone into your enemies (laughs).

Reita: Hahaha! Given the diversity in visual kei today, there aren't many others we resonate with... To be honest, death metal seems more visual kei to me these days. It made me reconsider what visual kei really is.

Interviewer: That interpretation can differ by generation. Nowadays, the mainstream in that category might be characterized by a cute, sparkling look with an anything-goes musical approach.

Reita: Yeah. But for us, this is what visual kei is, and it's kind of our origin. It's how we felt when we first learned about visual kei... That might be close to what's packed into "DOGMA."

Interviewer: Death metal often accompanies an aesthetic sense, religious sublimity, and strictness.

Reita: Exactly. The clarity of that worldview, the fact that it's not just anything goes, is close to our idea of visual kei. Nowadays, there are many who do anything goes, but to me, that feels a bit off.

Interviewer: So, you were fed up with the mainstream trend of doing anything goes?

Reita: Yeah. Well, we started the band with a close-to-no-concept approach, but as we continued, the feeling of "this is who we are" emerged. That answer is what we have now. We are different from others, and we’re doing things that others can’t or wouldn’t want to do in this era. Moreover, it's not something that has a hint of the underground but rather something that has gained a certain level of acceptance. The scale and scope are important. By presenting such a worldview, I honestly believe we can’t be beaten.

Interviewer: When people aim to expand and grow, they mostly try to throw something that anyone can easily like, right? But you’re doing the exact opposite. By throwing something extremely pinpointed and extreme, you’re trying to highlight your own existence.

Reita: Exactly. So, people who like it will love it, and it’s meant to keep those who like us from ever leaving. This album isn’t something that everyone will like. I myself understand that.

Interviewer: You say that so definitively.

Reita: Yes. (laughs)

Interviewer: You want to ensure that those who like you will never leave. So, it’s not enough if someone listens to this album and thinks, "the GazettE is my third favorite band"?

Reita: "What's that?" That's the feeling (laughs). We don’t need such words. I know not everyone will like it, and if they hate it, that’s fine, as long as they come to their own conclusion. If someone dislikes it, that’s unavoidable. What’s most frightening is "not being known." Seeing but not liking, listening but hating, is not a problem for me.

Interviewer: Although, if too many people felt that way, it would be a problem.

Reita: True (laughs). But it helps to have people come to their own conclusions. They often say the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. That’s exactly what I think. We started this band and have been doing our best... if people are indifferent, that’s unfulfilling. It means our existence doesn’t matter to them.

Interviewer: So even if the response is negative, being recognized is more important than being unknown?

Reita: Yes, I have no problem with it. That’s why I want to perform at festivals. Because there, a diverse crowd will judge if they like us or not. Of course, it’s risky. The scariest thing is people going to eat during our set. (laughs) If they listen to one song and then leave because they felt nothing, there's nothing you can do.

Interviewer: Didn't you consider the risk that pursuing this path might result in losing something?

Reita: No. If what we think is cool makes people think "that's.. different" then the GazettE doesn’t need to be in their world. That’s the answer. I don’t think we lose anything there.

Interviewer: But what if the majority ends up thinking "that's different"?

Reita: Yes, that might happen. But it won’t lead to despair. Because we believe what we’re doing is cool. To those who say they hate it, I’d just think, "If you hate it, that’s fine, but you don’t get it."

Reita: There aren't many bands like us, right? That's what I think. It might sound conceited (laughs), but that's how I feel.

Interviewer: And at the same time, you're confident that those who have liked the GazettE up until now will like you even more with this release, right?

Reita: Yes. Because I myself like bands like this. So, in the end, it's just my assumption. But it's hard to do something based on the idea, "I don't like it, but maybe everyone else will?" That just feels a bit forced. In the end, you have to run with the belief that what you like, everyone else will like too.

Interviewer: In other words, you're aiming at people out there who share the same sensibilities and values as you do.

Reita: Yes. I believe there are definitely people who will resonate with us. Through our 13 years of activity, I've come to understand that there are quite a few of those people out there.

Interviewer: Do you think that this confidence, backed by your past achievements, has pushed you to take bold actions, like making this album?

Reita: Yes. Above all, the fans who have supported us all along have given us the confidence. So even if that leads to us going a bit overboard, it’s the fans' fault for encouraging us. (laughs)

Interviewer: "It's your fault for getting us all fired up," right?

Reita: Exactly. (laughs) But, whether you call it overboard or not, we have a sense of "this is what you’re expecting from us, right?" So even if people think, "No, this isn’t it," we can say, "Too bad, but this is what the GazettE is now." We're not going to change just because of that.

Interviewer: You mentioned "the current GazettE." While it's clear that "DOGMA" represents the core of the band, you’re not saying you'll always do the same thing.

Reita: Of course. You never know what’s ahead. After we release this album, tour with it, and finish the final show, then maybe we'll understand what this album means to us. So, I can only say it's the current GazettE.

Interviewer: This time, it seems like the period you'll spend on this theme will be longer than usual.

Reita: We wanted to delay finding the answer a bit longer. Usually, after releasing an album, we start touring about a week later, finish it in two months, and reach the tour final. In such a typical flow, you end up having to find the answer within about three months from the album release. But making an album takes way longer than three months. If we have to find the answer in that short time, we have to move quickly. I feel that this is one reason why bands don't last long. We need to enjoy one album for a longer time. Otherwise, I feel like we might come to a stop.

Interviewer: For instance, the previous two albums were made in a relatively short span and were battles against time. Trying to keep up such a cycle might wear you down, right?

Reita: Definitely. You get worn out, and the band’s lifespan gets shorter. That's not desirable for us at all. We want to keep doing the band, that's why we work hard. So, we need to think more about the way we spend time on each album. Japan is small, so even a national tour ends quickly. But in other countries, the tours for one album last much longer. They keep searching for answers during that time. Compared to that, I feel like we’re rushing too much.

Interviewer: Your evolution and growth might be fast, but aging might progress quickly too.

Reita: Exactly. That’s scary, and not what we want at all.

Interviewer: Do you feel like you want to do a tour for "DOGMA" for 2-3 years, like bands in the West do?

Reita: Yes. I want to spend more time and enjoy it more. I want to do it until I feel like I can't do it anymore. I want to get to the point where I can play the songs in my sleep. (laughs) Until it sticks with me that much.

Interviewer: Maybe you won't see what you want to do next until you go all out like that.

Reita: I think so too.

Interviewer: When thinking about keeping the band going for a long time, what do you think is important aside from how you use your time?

Reita: When I say I want to keep the band going for a long time, I don’t just mean continuing the band's activities. The position we’re in is very important. I want to continue for a long time while being at the top.

Interviewer: You don’t just want to be a long-lived band?

Reita: Right. Like I said before, "there’s no one else in visual kei but us," and I don’t want those words to become embarrassing. If we say something like that and then disappear quickly, it would be like, "Oh? There's no one left." So, to continue for a long time means we want to stay at the forefront.

Interviewer: To always be at the forefront and continue until you really can't anymore. What do you think is necessary for that?

Reita: This might sound contradictory, but I think it’s living in the present. If you only want to continue for a long time, you could take it easy. Musically too. If we keep doing only intense songs, it's like, "What is there left to do in the future?" (laughs). But I think by living in the present, we can continue for a long time. That’s what keeps us at the forefront. If we start thinking about making songs that we can play even as old men, it’s like we’re already preparing to step back. So, always being cool in the present is important. That accumulation is the answer, I think. It might sound contradictory though.

Interviewer: If you don't give it your all each time, you can't keep going, right? Considering your age, physical strength, and preferences five years from now while facing the present is impossible. If you think like that, you might just become the person you imagine. Assuming you’ll decline and then changing things because of that. It’s important not to decline.

Reita: Exactly. The GazettE has been around for over 13 years now, and there are many bands that have been around for more than 10 years. But...

Reita: Honestly, I think there are some bands out there that are just continuing because they had no other choice..

Celebrating anniversaries and such can sometimes feel like an insider thing. Sure, there are those who have been supporting us since the beginning and might find it deeply moving, but there are also fans who just started liking us a month ago. For them, it might not matter if we say it’s our anniversary. For instance, having an anniversary concert is fine. But what’s important is to make people think, “Wow, they are at their best right now!” If we just play a lot of nostalgic songs, it might feel like an anniversary concert, but I wonder if it really shows who we are now. As a service, it might not be bad, but if that’s all there is, it might be better to just watch a DVD. An anniversary concert should be about showing who we are now, not just celebrating the past.

Interviewer: I see. Indeed, if you think you’re going to decline in the future, you might subconsciously start preparing for it, and thinking that way means you’re aware you’ve passed your peak. If you thought the last album was the peak, you might try to repeat the same thing. But for the GazettE, you always want now to be the peak, and you want to keep updating it, right?

Reita: Exactly. I think it’s about momentum. When you start liking a band, it’s not a settled band, but a band with a lot of momentum. If you only go for that, you’ll always be interested in the younger ones. But I think it’s possible to keep that momentum even after many years. It’s about how you present yourselves and your mindset. Instead of thinking, “We’ve been doing this for 13 years, maybe it’s time to…” we should have the same or even more energy than in the first year.

Interviewer: Continuing as a visual kei band is particularly difficult. There’s the risk of getting stuck trying to maintain the fans’ image of you, which could result in becoming a deteriorated copy of your past selves. You want to keep your momentum and not fall into that trap, right?

Reita: Of course. I think bands like us should transcend borders, religions, and even age. From the fact that we’ve been together for 13 years, people can guess our ages, but if we don’t mention it, they wouldn’t know. We shouldn’t be bound by the idea of acting our age.

Interviewer: So the concept of acting your age doesn’t apply to this band?

Reita: Exactly. I don’t even know what acting our age means. We don’t want to just get younger, but we want more momentum. More than before. We always want to be seen as having the most momentum right now.

Interviewer: To some people, seasoned bands trying to seek momentum might look like older folks desperately flailing.

Reita: I understand, but it’s different. It’s like our eyes aren’t dead. We want people to think, “These guys are still going to do amazing things.” I personally like bands that give you that feeling. I want the GazettE to be that kind of band. In the past, our momentum might have just been reckless, but being reckless alone reveals a lack of depth. Even now, we might still be a bit reckless, but we’ve gained a lot of experience that serves as a stronger base now. Before, we just jumped with leg strength, but now we use that base to jump even higher. We want to be the ones who always jump higher than anyone else, using both our heads and our experience.

Interviewer: When the band strives to be like that, how do you want the fans to be?

Reita: I think fans will often feel like they’re being dragged along by us, but I believe that’s natural. Fans don’t create the band. We want to keep swinging them around, and we want to cherish those who hold on. On the other hand, if the band gets swung around by the fans, it’s no good. We create something first, and people empathize with that and enjoy it fully.

Interviewer: In that sense, “DOGMA” is like a set of rules for the GazettE, but it’s the band that presents them, not the audience.

Reita: It’s like religion. Believers don’t change the rules. We should present them clearly, and if we do, it will be clear who likes and dislikes it, and those who like it will like it even more. It’s okay if people start liking us halfway through. Even if they don’t like it now, they might listen to “DOGMA” again next year and really like it. I want them to clearly decide if it’s a hit or miss for them.

Interviewer: That’s like religion too. You either believe everything or nothing. No one deeply believes in multiple religions equally.

Reita: Right. Religion has general laws and then additional laws for a limited group. It means you lose more freedom, but the people in it feel happy. It’s fascinating. I often wonder what religion really is. It’s about enjoying a restricted world in your own way. The GazettE also has things we shouldn’t do or can’t do as the GazettE. That might limit our freedom, but it also keeps us sharp. So if fans like this band, they should understand what the GazettE is and come to our concerts with that understanding.

Interviewer: “DOGMA” is a guide for the fans to understand what this band is all about.

Reita: I think so. I’ve been saying some pretty bold things, but we need strong words like this to match the album.

Interviewer: Looking back at the recording process, how does it compare to the completion of previous albums?

Kai: The sense of accomplishment is entirely different. It's not that this time is particularly significant, but rather that it feels like it's not quite finished yet. Honestly, it doesn't feel like a definitive "Ah, it's done!" moment at all. It feels like only a part of the process has been completed. To use a human body as a metaphor, it's like we've only just completed the torso. So, it's like we're finished, yet not finished. I was aware that I would feel this way from the start, and that’s how we’ve been progressing.

Interviewer: What do you mean by that? This time, there are many additional elements like the book, photo album, and DVD. The artwork is also very elaborate. Does this mean it won't feel complete until everything is released?

Kai: That's part of it, but even when everything is ready, I don’t think it will feel like a complete closure. The album "DOGMA" itself will be complete, but the "PROJECT: DARK AGE," is still just starting. The flow of time is different this time. It's not like before, where we released an album, toured, and then it was done.

Interviewer: The tour seems far from over, as it’s not just confined to Japan. It looks like the "OMINOUS YEAR" will continue.

Kai: Yes, and we still don’t know what our mindset will be after the album and tour. I feel like we won't have fully processed everything by then. Sometimes, right after finishing an album, you want to start creating the next one. But I can't see what we’ll create after digesting this one. I predict that we'll be running for a long time from now. This feeling will probably grow stronger as we move forward, which is a wonderful thing.

Interviewer: Did you aim to create this album as a starting point for a slow and thorough process leading to the next phase?

Kai: Yes, we intended to create something like that. This work was being done while we pondered deeply about what "the GazettE" means. This reflection has been especially strong this time. The process of questioning myself about the band's essence will continue as long as the GazettE exists. This time, we’ve delved into our true essence. Regardless of what we do in the future, I think this core part will remain unshaken.

Interviewer: Fans, used to interpreting your words deeply, might have expected this album to define the GazettE's doctrine, given its title "DOGMA."

Kai: That might be true. One of the reasons we reached this point is due to our history. Timing also plays a part.

Interviewer: Was there a sense of resetting involved?

Kai: Maybe. We toured under the theme of "redefinition" in 2014, performing mostly live shows and not releasing much. Live shows are where we feel the most like ourselves and gain various insights. I felt that it was a necessary time to thoroughly reflect on our journey, something we hadn’t done before.

Interviewer: The tour followed the release order of your albums, allowing you to relive your history in chronological order.

Kai: Exactly. It was a year of constantly facing our past. We were able to look at the GazettE and ourselves more closely than ever before. This is why we’ve reached the point we are in now.

Interviewer: This might sound rude, but didn’t you discover anything you’d rather not admit, like thinking you hadn’t progressed as much as you’d hoped or that your earlier work was better?

Kai: (Laughs) Fortunately, not at all.

Interviewer: That’s good to hear (laughs).

Kai: As we performed more tours following the order of our albums, we realized we had consistently improved and climbed our own ladder. Now, we're here, and naturally, we start thinking about what ladder to climb next. But to move forward, we need a solid foundation. This led us to question, "What is the GazettE?" and create an album around that concept.

Interviewer: I see. Did you discuss this among the five of you?

Kai: Yes, we frequently discussed it. Initially, everyone was cautious, but we talked things over each time. The word "dogma" had already come up, so we naturally envisioned an album that reaffirms the essence of the GazettE. Through discussions, we gradually identified the elements we wanted to highlight. One of the most significant keywords for me was "dogma." It resonated with me and seemed to define the album's character.

Interviewer: That makes sense. However, when it comes to embodying that in music, wasn't it challenging to figure out what to do?

Kai: Not really. Ultimately, it's about fully expressing ourselves and presenting the GazettE as we are. We’ve always done that, so it felt natural to us.

Interviewer: True, but the word “dogma” also has a somewhat religious connotation, doesn’t it?

Kai: Maybe, but I don’t feel that much. Perhaps because I didn’t know the word well. (laughs) Sure, the relationship between a band and its fans can seem a bit like a religion. But for me, it wasn’t about doing something religious; it was more about “dogma of the GazettE.” That strong link in interpretation led me naturally to this project.

Interviewer: I see. What does “the GazettE” mean to you?

Kai: Well... It might not be a direct answer, but I feel that we are not suited to “throwing things out there.” We need to “smash it down” instead. That’s who we are.

Interviewer: Indeed, that’s how it should be.

Kai: Right? (laughs). Instead of asking, “How do you feel?” it’s about showing it blatantly. That’s the spirit, the stance that defines the GazettE. It links strongly with the concept of “dogma.” It’s not about asking fans to follow us; it’s about demanding they come along. That’s the type the GazettE is. So, we must lead with that strength. Sure, it might link with the religious aspect, but every band has its way. That’s ours.

Interviewer: Rather than “throwing it out,” you “smash down.” And what you smash down must be overwhelming or absolute, right?

Kai: Yes, it must be something we have absolute confidence and conviction in.

Interviewer: In today’s world, there seem to be more bands and artists that “throw things out there.” Don’t you think that makes you want to perfect the “smashing down” approach even more?

Kai: Yes, there’s that contrarian streak in our band. We don’t try to follow the trends or do the same as others. If it’s our truth, it doesn’t matter if it’s mainstream or not. Even if criticized, it’s like, “So what?”

Interviewer: I suppose the GazettE’s “doctrine” includes the phrase, “Rock is not about throwing out; it’s about smashing down.” What’s the one thing you most want to smash down to your listeners?

Kai: That It’s not just us. It’s about the feeling that “You, the fans, are also part of the band!” It’s about smashing down the sense that “It’s not just us.” The band must be absolute, but...

Interviewer: You mean it’s up to the fans to take it in, right?

Kai: Yes, everything depends on you. What spreads and deepens also relies on you. Speaking practically, if we throw down something confident, but no one follows, we can’t do anything. Our activities will falter, and the band might cease to exist. But if we have supporters, what we can do grows and deepens, making the band unique.

Interviewer: So the band’s value is decided by the fans too.

Kai: Yes, in part. It’s not just “thanks to you all.”

Interviewer: Like, “That band is amazing, and so are their fans,” right? Ultimately, you want fans to evolve with the band, which makes you want to smash down this “doctrine.”

Kai: Exactly. I want core fans to become even more core. So dedicated that they don't even have room in their profile to mention other bands (laughs). Just the GazettE. Saying they can’t live without us. We need to be that kind of band. That’s the ultimate relationship with fans.

Interviewer: Right. Having fans that deeply dedicated depends on the band’s charm, right?

Kai: Yes, we need to be a band so compelling that fans have no interest in others. Only then can we be truly unique. It’s not about doing something different from others but being compelling in our way.

Interviewer: Otherwise, it’s just a narrow niche.

Kai: Haha! Exactly. Instead of a narrow niche, we should aim to blow everything away. It’s very rock n roll to not follow others, but if we can do it, why hesitate?

Interviewer: The ones who do it best get recognized, not necessarily the first one to do it.

Kai: Right. In the big picture, we are niche, but we’re making our mark there.

Interviewer: Fans are surely attracted to that aspect. But it’s not just about prioritizing the demands of what you could call the "core of the core" fans. You must also aim to make an impact on those outside that core.

Kai: Yeah. But it’s not about trying to make those on the outside listen to us; it’s preferable if it resonates with them naturally. That’s the ideal, and I believe we need to achieve that. We strike hard at our core fans, but just throwing it out to everyone else would be strange (laughs). We don't want our stance to have a gradient based on the audience. We always want to be either black or white.

Interviewer: In the song commentary included in this book, you mentioned that the title track "DOGMA" felt like "opening a heavy and large door." When I heard that, I thought you must have felt that at some point, you had to reach out to that door. In other words, you thought you had to make an album like this eventually, right?

Kai: I think we were waiting for the right timing ourselves. Now that we’ve made it, I feel that way. It’s a kind of return to our roots. We’re not going back to the starting point, but we approached something we always wanted to create with full readiness. As a result, a heavy door that we couldn’t open no matter how hard we pushed before has now opened. Maybe it’s because we’ve gained strength, or maybe it was just the right time to make this.

Interviewer: It was probably a bit of both. And after opening that door, the current the GazettE isn’t necessarily trying to head to a completely different place than before.

Kai: Not at all. It’s more about making the dark parts even darker, so to speak. It’s about eliminating ambiguous parts and striving for something more definitive as the GazettE, while still being the GazettE.

Interviewer: Of course, that’s what you aimed for this time as well. But I think there must have been a lot of pressure to create a truly definitive piece that surpasses your previous ideals.

Kai: Yes... there was. Honestly, it was quite a long period of struggle. We worked on it while thinking about various things since the time of the "redefinition" tour. This was the first time for our band to continuously work toward something over such a long period. Well, I’m confident that the result is something good. We’ve definitely made a piece that we can proudly say, "This is the GazettE!" I believe this will be a great strength for us moving forward. Even in the stage of selecting songs, we had quite a bit of inner conflict. For instance, thinking, "In this flow, it would be nice to have at least one melodic song here." According to our previous standards or way of thinking, we would tend to include something like that, but we deliberately didn’t, deciding instead to push more on the aggressive side. This approach was something we originally had within us, but we had never gone this far in that direction before, so in that sense, it was also a challenge. We’ve never made something with this kind of balance. This is both a challenge and a way to firmly showcase our strengths.

Interviewer: The term "perfect balance" is often used in everyday life, but in the end, it’s just a balance that suits the preferences of the receiver. The way balance is sought depends on the nature of the work itself.

Kai: That’s right. So, to put it bluntly, this might not be a well-balanced album. If you consider it from the ideal of a certain period of ourselves. But the album "DOGMA" couldn’t have been balanced in any other way... it had to be like this.

Interviewer: In other words, it wouldn’t have been "DOGMA" if it wasn’t for this kind of balance?

Kai: Exactly. Also, we don’t create albums by comparing them to our past works. We don’t think, "We made this kind of album before, so let’s try making this kind now." As I mentioned earlier, there were times when we felt the need to add a melodic song after a series of intense tracks, thinking it might be necessary. That’s due to past habits or ingrained sense of balance. But this time, we completely ignored that. We focused most on making "DOGMA" as "DOGMA" as possible.

Interviewer: And as a result, you’ve completed an album that truly fits its title.

Kai: Yes. Even I feel that we really pushed the limits. But we’ve truly created something that lives up to the title, and I’m glad we had the word “dogma” from the beginning.

Interviewer: Of course, there may be parts within this work that you might want to revise in the future. But a “canon” isn’t something that can be repeatedly revised, and it’s meant to last forever in its current form.

Kai: Yes, I think so too. That’s why I’m really satisfied right now. For fans, this album is "an album they’ve been waiting for for two years." We’re confident that it’s something that won’t betray their high expectations, something that even surpasses them. Moreover, as I mentioned at the beginning, it’s an album with plenty of room for further exploration on our part. That’s why releasing a work doesn’t mean it’s complete.

Interviewer: Ofcourse. This flow of time will continue for quite a while.

Kai: The full scope will become clear moving forward, but this "ominous year" will involve various developments with "DOGMA" at its core. So, just like everyone will be breaking down "DOGMA," we’ll also spend a long time digesting this album and communicating about it. "DOGMA" is an album that reflects our essence more than anything, and I believe that part will remain unshaken. Of course, our music will continue to evolve, but no matter how much its form changes, the essence won’t change, and we won’t lose this part. If at some point, we decide that we need to change fundamentally, then we’ll have to present a new "doctrine" again.

Interviewer: But surely, if that ever happens, it will be far in the future.

Kai: Yes. Right now, the most important thing is to keep this mindset we have, continue creating works with the same passion and energy, and give our all. Otherwise, there is no future for the GazettE. We don’t want to release anything half-baked.

...

.......

...

Part 1 of the Dogma Book translations (members comments about each song)

Once again, all the scans are from the archive (rad-is-more) All translations are ChatGPT, edited by me. I added the book text pages themselves because I often read interviews and want to look more deeply into a certain passage but people never provide the source of the translation so it's impossible to do. This might not be the most aesthetic way to do an interview post but it's the most convenient for me personally. Also, I've noticed all the pieces like photos, art and interviews are very scattered on this site. Fragmentation only leads to misunderstanding and I am trying to piece everything together as much as possible, even though it leads to very long posts.

[qweerhet]

my involvement in publishing drama is rearing its head once more, but... i feel like it's notable that talia bhatt is using some incredibly familiar tactics, socially and rhetorically, particularly regarding racial dynamics in the publishing world and rebuffing criticism, and is in the same social circles based around the same niche movement reclaiming radical feminism from a trans lens as benjanun sriduangkaew herself. (they hang around the same crowd and talk to the same people on bluesky, usually about radical transfeminism, and are making forays back into the social realm of the publishing world through the same inroads, albeit bhatt's recent move from genre fiction to straight theory writing puts her in a bit of a different sphere than benjanun's previous SFF-focused one. that said, the spheres seem to be overlapping more and more by the day, if my bluesky timeline is to be believed--partially due to the radical transfeminist movement itself cohering more and more across medium and genre lines, imho.)

because i am discussing benjanun, i must clarify, i have no doubt they are actually separate people--i think bhatt even most likely is who she says she is, given her position on a staff page for northeastern university--i'm more writing this out because i think the parallels in their tactics while being directly in the same ideologically-based social circles betray an underlying culture. a movement where bhatt and benjanun are simultaneously rallied around and their parallel social tactics defended and celebrated is a movement that must, inherently, normalize abusive behavior. their shared social spheres must, by nature of their actions, celebrate harm and punish revealing that harm.

i know tumblr went feral for bhatt's article on third-sexing and transfeminized subjects in the third world--my criticisms of how she actively misrepresents caste politics to her mostly-western audience in a way that obscures her own position within them have already gone on record--but i think, additionally, it's necessary to come at theory with a certain level of skepticism when it's generated by a social sphere that openly celebrates abusive behaviors. i think there's a portion of people who would be reading bhatt's claims very differently with the knowledge that her theory is generated in the context of benjanun sriduangkaew's current crew, for example, because they have a pre-existing awareness of the kind of behaviors that social context must reward.

[writing-with-olive]

Doing activism when you can't leave your home

A lot of times when we think of activism, we think of marches and irl community events and stuff like that. But what can you do if you can't leave your home and don't have a ton of extra cash on hand? (Note that these are ideas to get you thinking, not an exhaustive list. Feel free to send me an ask if you want more in-depth info)

Important: it's really hard to keep up activism if you're burnt out or physically exhausted. If you're stuck at home because you are recently injured or are actively sick, or anything else that requires you to take care of yourself first, do that. Same for chronic illness; mind your flare-ups and play the long game. There will always be more activism for you to do when you've got the resources for it.

Outreach Options

Call your representatives. This can be at any level: city, state, federal, etc. A lot of decisions can be influenced if a lot of people call on a major thing, saying "hey you gotta pass this" or "absolutely do not vote for it." Similarly, if there's a more niche bill happening, fewer voices can also have an outsized impact. If you wanna combine your efforts with the efforts of other people, consider getting on the newsletter of organizations like Indivisible, who can help you stay up-to-date and provide resources for staying involved.

Build call scripts. For a lot of people, calling can be really scary, either because they don't know what to say, or because talking on the phone just isn't their thing. If you're in the latter, group, you can still help people in the former. If there's a bill or issue that a representative is going to be voting on in the future that you want to make your voice heard about, you can use a template like this one and post it so that other people can use it.

Send emails to your city council. City councils generally have a public comment date each month with the option to submit a written comment if you can't be there in person. If there is an issue you want to see addressed in your city, reach out that way.

Write an op-ed. If you have a local paper that has options available for this, consider writing a piece as it relates to whatever cause you're championing. Guidelines can differ by paper, but it can be a good way to get an idea out.

Use social media to talk about an issue. Generally this works better if you have something to add or are staying with a particular topic, rather than simply waving around all the issues under the sun, because the latter can cause your posts to get lost in the noise. For example, while I talk about an abundance of problems on my blog, my focus is activism education and helping people see ways that they can get engaged personally, and posts like that tend to get the most traction.

Research Options

Get involved in citizen science. You can check out sites like Zooniverse to find ways that you can help. In a lot of disciplines, multiple (the number varies by discipline) random people processing data can be about as accurate as one trained person, because the duplicity helps to balance out the errors one person will make. Lots of projects in climate science, archival work, linguistics, cosmology, and a bunch of others need help analyzing the large amounts of data they've collected, so you can be a part of the work that's trying to address world problems.

Keep an eye on local or organizational goings-on. This one pairs with outreach, as it's really only helpful insofar as you're able to do something with the information you gather, but lots of news isn't going to really focus on a city-level committee or something unless they take particularly flashy action. If there's local politics that live-stream their meetings, you can tune in. Lots of patterns are slow to arise and take multiple meetings to notice, but once you've got your bearings you can talk to other people about taking action in response. For example, I once noticed a previous mayor was more likely to shut down conversation during meetings if she was talking to an individual than she was if she was talking to a business rep. That small detail was a large contributing factor to the way my locality was getting gentrified, and once I noticed it, I was able to draw attention to it.

Help teach others. This isn't so much research on your end, but rather helping others get the skills for it. There may be other platforms that are useful for this, but the one I've got experience with is Upchieve, which is volunteer text-based tutoring for low income students who otherwise wouldn't have access to out-of-class help. It's a "whenever you feel like it" model, and will pair you with students who are on at the same time you are and need help in something you're prepared to help them with.

IRL Local Organizing Options

Host organizing meetings. Obviously this is going to depend a lot on your situation, but if you want to be a part of meetings but can't leave your home, you might still be able to invite people over, and make some of the work happen where you're at.

Help out with prep work for events. Maybe you can't help with the public facing side of an event, but if a whole bunch of envelopes need to be stuffed beforehand, or baking needs to happen for a sale, or supplies need to be sorted into boxes, or other similar assembly needs to happen, you can ask another member of your organization to drop the components off at your place, and let them know when it's set to get picked up again.

Do some of the logistics work. It's not sexy, but activism groups live or die based on how well they can keep track of their resources, who's doing what, and what upcoming plans are. If you can manage a spreadsheet or keep internal communications going, that can be vital. Maybe you can't be in person, but if you are providing operations information to the people who can, you'll still be invaluable.

[bloody-wonder]

2024 reading wrap up

january is almost over and yet the ghost of reading year past shall not rest untill i rank all the books👻📚

*the tiers are once again named after different things from the books featured on this list - see explanation below🙃 **the following series i read in full are represented only by one book respectively: doctrine of labyrinths, her instruments, the riverside trilogy, the memoirs of lady trent, the cemeteries of amalo, the stolen heir, the summer hikaru died, evander mills, page & sommers ***usually i don't rank rereads but since this year i had only two - the three musketeers and swordspoint - and they both ended up on the top tier i decided to add them for completeness' sake

so in 2024 i broke all my previous records in regards to the amount of books/pages read. my secret? being unemployed lol. but now that i have started my phd and got a full time job my reading is bound to decrease dramatically which is probably a good thing bc i feel like, while reading so much definitely helps you find more good books and authors faster, the downside is that stories stand out less, regardless of their quality. altho i do love every book i put on the top tier dearly, compared to the previous year's (smaller) selection this one seems quite homogeneous and sff focused. and 3 out of top 5 books/series are straight! who is responsible for this?!🤨

i did well on almost all my nerd ass challenges: finishing and continuing series, starting new ones, not neglecting standalone sff, reading widely in terms of genre and language, not putting off big intimidating books etc etc. i even completed my oldest challenge for the first time by finally managing to read five chunky classics in the span of one year - this won't be happening again any time soon😅 in the future i want to shift my focus to difficult historical novels instead bc i sure don't have enough brain space for both. where i "failed" on the other hand was reading nonfiction: i realized that no matter how much interest i have in the topic the only way i'm able to process factual information is if a trans youtuber dressed as a dominatrix or a cat or some sort of jester is telling it to me in an asmr voice. i'm not very good at encouraging myself to reread the things i want to reread either - hopefully that will change in 2025 so that i can finally reread aftg🪄

last year i tried blogging more about my current reads and it was fun while it lasted - now i sadly don't have time to do that anymore :( so my 2024 reading updates must remain unfinished. in any case, just by looking at this tier list i can come to the same conclusions i would've come to if i had reviewed each and every one of these books: niche sff is where it's at for me, older books are better written, and simply queer is not enough for me anymore - i need intricate mind games and rituals that transcend sexuality lol.

so if you know such books please rec them to me! and tell me about your reading year - by making a tier list, or writing a post or just sharing your fave 2024 reads like @oliviermiraarmstrongs tagged me to do. thank you btw😌💜

@figuringthengsout @fugitoidkry @pinkasrenzo @fandomreferencepending @counterwiddershins @magpiefngrl @sugarbabywenkexing @weirdsociology @theodoradove @doh-rae-me @venndaai @sixappleseeds

p.s. it just came to my knowledge that my year in books is still active. tagging everyone who wants to do this! :D

goodreads │ old yearly wrap ups 2020 2021 2022 2023 │ my book tag

✨explanation of the tier titles under the cut✨

obligation d'âme is a spell a wizard can cast on a person in sarah monette's doctrine of labyrinths that binds them "closer than lovers". it's very bdsm-coded and a tiny bit problematic bc the enchanted then has to do everything the wizard commands and they may or may not be referred to as slave🫢🙈 on the bright side tho it's very hot and gay🤷‍♀️ just like obligation d'âme these books have put me under their problematic spell🪄

peltedverse is the unofficial name of mca hogarth's sci fi universe populated by humans, human-animal hybrids, space elves and aliens, which has been steadily growing on me ever since i discovered the dreamhealers. in 2024 her instruments completely charmed me by its cast of loveable characters, wacky adventures and fairy-tale romance. it's not the best thought-out world but it has this home-cooked quality to it which i prefer to carefully calculated lore that makes 100% of sense all the time. and these books, while not as good as the ones in the upper tier, have still captured my heart😌

racallio ryndoon is an episodic character in george r.r. martin's fire & blood. he's a chaotic crossdressing bisexual pirate captain with purple hair who likes to be spanked by his wives, gives severed heads as a courting gift and will sell the right of safe passage through his waters for a kiss. all in all, a perfect character who is sadly present only for one short episode. i remember him fondly but i wish he had more to give - just like these books☠️🦜⛵

calliagnosia is a procedure ted chiang invented in his short story liking what you see: a documentary which enables people to turn off their perception of physical beauty - leading to less lookism-based discrimination at the cost of finding nobody hot lol (at least in their looks). the story follows the controversy around making calliagnosia obligatory in certain environments and just like the characters who can't seem to decide whether finding people hot or stopping discrimination is more important, i am of two minds on whether these books are actually good or not😅

gong bath is the preferred method of patient treatment of the sex therapist the main character of jen beagin's big swiss is working for. meaning: the patient rests on the couch while the therapist chants and strikes the gong he has in his office. just like gong bath, these books didn't harm me - but they didn't cure me either😐

the philosophers' colloquium is the crusty dusty male centered science academy that kept refusing to admit lady trent despite her outstanding contributions to the natural history of dragons😠 disappointing, overrated, ill-shampooed - just like these books🧐

life-sickness is something the inhabitants of hope mirrlees' lud-in-the-mist didn't realize they suffered from until they tried forbidden fairy fruit. these books were so disappointing, boring, annoying or offensive that they made me brain-sick, depressed and upset about the state of Literature😩

[viktor-leagueoflegends]

Also, here's what I wrote for the open letter. I don't really know what to say in this preface here without talking about things I already say in the letter itself, but I'll pull what I think is my most poignant topic up, because I think it's the point that people don't understand when they laugh at fans for caring - it's not about the character, it's about the company. It's different in the actual letter (edited to be less mean) but this is the original drag:

The objective of a story is to resonate with its audience emotionally. What we hope you will understand with this collection of letters is that you have a character and story that has already succeeded in this task. It is not protectiveness, or a stubborn unwillingness to adapt to the new; It is that when you as the creators are willing to cast aside this story that so many people have cared about over the years for something so fundamentally different simply for profit, the message we receive is that this emotional resonance is one-sided: that it is set dressing that can and will be turned over for the purpose of attracting more appealing audiences. My question, then, is this: if you as creators do not tell this story with sincerity, if you do not respect the integrity of storytelling as an artform and simply pivot your creative vision as the market demands, then why should we as the audience care about the stories you have to tell? Why should we become invested in any of your characters’ stories if you are simply displaying whatever words on the screen make you the most money — if any one of them could be on the chopping block if the wind blows the right way?

This took a week to get my thoughts together enough to write. Full letter under the cut:

Hi, Riot. 

Like many others, I’ve been a Viktor fan for some time now. I dropped in around 2020, and the lore of the game as well as the lorefan community was and continues to be an invaluable lifeline to me. I take pride in participating in community initiatives — I was Viktor’s illustrator in two of the Rift Gala events, and I run an archive for the creative works people have made for him as he exists in League of Legends. 

I am rather upset with the recently announced VGU in store for Viktor. I don’t understand the need for Viktor’s new lore to be overwritten so completely with Arcane, which is fundamentally incompatible with the space he occupies in League of Legends — both in terms of his in-game power fantasy as well as his character in the lore. 

Overall, this VGU is disjointed and half-baked, especially in comparison with previous, more well-rounded VGU's. Others have put it more eloquently than me, but to highlight a few points, the stagnancy of his kit in 2024 is appalling, and the changes to his cosmetics are evident of a rush-job to meet the Arcane release-date deadline. If the purpose is truly to make Viktor play and feel like the character shown in Arcane, why is his kit full of abilities we never see him use in the show? If you wanted to improve the gameplay for old fans, why is his W maintained without change, not even adding a grounding effect that would help his survivability in the high-mobility champion economy as well as add to the power fantasy thematically (it is a gravity field, after all)? As for his skins, why do Creator and High Noon actively lose detailing? Why was Psyops’ head, which has been complained about since the skin’s release, not altered? Why is the most prominent change simply making his models skinnier?

More broadly, Viktor as he currently exists in League occupies a very specific and very unique niche in the roster of champions. Runeterra as a fantasy realm is interesting for its merging of technology and magic, and Viktor is one such outcome of that — a cyborg engineer whose power comes from his own inventions and conviction. What he is about to become, however, is an apocalypse mage that encroaches on the thematic territory of other characters like Malzahar, Syndra, and Bel’Veth. This is fine within Arcane as a standalone universe, as these characters don’t appear, but in moving this iteration over to League he becomes a redundancy while losing the unique standout points that he brought to the table, which are incredibly important in a game that has almost 170 characters. Why would I be drawn to this apocalypse-bringer when there are others that play better? 

I don’t think this rework is a good idea on several fronts, and while I understand a great deal of resources have already been invested in it, I firmly believe that continuing forward on the path it sets re: going on to retcon other Arcane-related champs will only be detrimental to the overall health of the IP. Other champions are in more dire need of an update, and I believe it is unfair that reworks such as the one planned for Shyvana have been pushed back even further to prioritize unneeded retcons that don’t actually address the health of the game. I think cancelling Viktor’s VGU and the rest of the planned Arcane VGU’s to focus on updating historically unhealthy champs is a better use of your resources as game developers and as a company seeking to maintain a satisfied player base.

With respect to the lore of Runeterra, it is not a good idea to attempt to merge Arcane with the existing lore. I understand that Riot is a business, and that the objective of this merger is to capitalize on Arcane audiences, but put plainly: this will not work. It is more work than it is worth on Riot’s behalf to go through with changing the foundational lore of a core region, given that it has been built on top of over the years and will require retcons to many champions in the region past those showcased in Arcane. These retcons are highly likely to cause extensive shifts that are actively detrimental to the themes they present, and will only alienate a loving fanbase that the lore universe is very luck to have. To draw an example: the Marvel Comics Universe and the Marvel Cinematic Universe remain as separate canons — they are too different of interpretations, and it is too difficult to implement. Naming a few champions who would be affected in this way, how does Blitzcrank come into being if not for Viktor? And if Viktor is still its creator, why was this not a key point of his story shown in Arcane? For Camille, how does she exist if Hextech was heavily regulated during the time it was around? How was a Shuriman artificer familiar enough with the science to do her augmentations if it is a new technology?

Lore plotholes aside, I’d like to now talk about Viktor’s characterization. 

To start: I think Arcane Viktor is fine in a vacuum. I don’t have anything against him or his story — but I believe that using his success as justification for deleting a well beloved character is unfair. You cannot place Arcane Viktor into the space that League Viktor occupies because they are fundamentally different. 

League Viktor as a character is defined by his choice. What he does to himself is calculated and thought out — his augmentations are built through technical ability, his replacement of his limbs a decision made by his commitment to his ideology. His transformation into the Machine Herald is a meticulous process and an informed decision. The conflict between his philosophy and the humanity he can’t entirely let go of makes him compelling, as does the fact that he is the sole person to blame for his own tragedy.

Viktor in Arcane becomes the Herald because he seeks a cure to his terminal illness. What occurs to his body is unintended — when he initially experiments with the Hexcore, he has no idea what is going to happen to him. He could not have predicted what would happen to Sky. There is no meticulous transformation, no true choice in the matter to become what he becomes. He has no true agency — which is an interesting story in its own right, but he is not the Machine Herald.

The objective of a story is to resonate with its audience emotionally. What we hope you will understand with this collection of letters is that you have a character and story that has already succeeded in this task. It is not protectiveness, or a stubborn unwillingness to adapt to the new; It is that when you, the company that owns this character, are willing to cast aside this story that so many people have cared about over the years for something so fundamentally different, the message we receive is that this emotional resonance is one-sided: that it is set dressing that can and will be turned over for the purpose of attracting more appealing audiences. 

My question, then, is this: if you as a company do not publish this story with sincerity, if you do not respect the integrity of storytelling as an artform and instead let the market dictate the path of your creative vision, then why should we as the audience care about the stories you have to tell? Why should we become invested in any of your characters’ stories if any one of them could have their core identities fundamentally altered if the wind blows the right way? 

I started writing this letter at a gala wrapping up a 4-day national engineering conference that I attended as a delegate of my university. Four years ago, loving this character was the final push for me to choose mechanical engineering as the program I would apply for. I would not be where I am today, nor have the community or close friends I do now without the way this character resonated with me. 

The community that this character as he exists in League has fostered is incredibly creative, unique, and passionate. I and many others write this from a place of love for this character and the story you have told with him — which I hope you will understand when you receive these letters. 

Thank you for your time.

[otomiyaa]

Day 23: Party

Momose x Shirosaki

[Miya & Mia’s Tickletober 2023] - Another niche tktober 2023 fic I'm fishing out of its grave muhahaha. I realize this is actually up there with my fav anime and pairings EVER. I'll go down with this ship!

Word Count: 1.1K

Momose felt moved. Never had he seen such a thing. The office was decorated, a tray of cupcakes was on his desk, music was playing, and everyone in the department welcomed him with applause. 

“Happy birthday, Momose,” Shirosaki said, and he and a few colleagues fired confetti at him. They all started singing. Woah!

“Happy birthday!” 

Momose blushed and awkwardly wiped the confetti from his head. He then bowed deeply, his hands gripping his pants.

“T-t-thank you very much!” he said, trying hard not to cry. At his previous job, no one had ever done something this considerate for him, let alone his boss. 

The only thing was…. Today was actually not his birthday!

He could understand how his goofy boss mixed up the dates and accidentally swapped the day and month numbers. 

“Today is your first birthday since you started working here. I wanted to celebrate in style,” Shirosaki explained fondly. Aah, so cute. Momose would rather take this day as his new official birthday than admit to his sweet boss that he got the date wrong.  

“Thank you, manager… What about work, though?” Momose tried to say casually as he wiped away a tear from the happy emotion, and he looked around, amazed to see everyone in the office was having fun. People were relaxing, eating cupcakes, chatting, watching MyTube and laughing together. It really was a party, on a plain Monday morning at the Planning and Sales department of Minette.

“We will resume work after lunch. Right now, we will enjoy the surprise party,” Shirosaki said. Momose felt so guilty that everyone was making time for him when it wasn’t even his real birthday, but he couldn’t help but feel happy and honored too, and he thanked Shirosaki again.

“Thank you so much!” 

Aoyama suddenly stood by their side and he proudly munched on a cupcake. “You became a fine boss, Shirosaki-kun, even remembering what to do on your employee’s first birthday at the office.”

Shirosaki thanked him with a humble nod. “Section Chief, thank you. You taught me well.”

"But… aren’t you forgetting something?” Aoyama added, looking very suspicious all of a sudden.

Momose cocked his head, but Shirosaki seemed to understand and nodded. “Ah, right.”

To Momose’s surprise, Shirosaki stepped towards him, and Momose’s initial reflex was to flinch - his former boss had been quite the intimidating figure and he wasn’t over it yet.

However, what happened next was anything but scary. More like… weird?!

“Huhuhuh? W-whahahat, mahahanager!” Momose felt embarrassed to suddenly be tickled on his sides, and he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around his middle, dancing awkwardly in response to the random tickles.

“Happy birthday tickles,” Shirosaki announced dryly.

“Whahat? Hehehehe thahat’s s-sohoho suddehehen!” Momose laughed, shaking his head and trying his best not to jump away too fast since Shirosaki seemed so eager to tickle him.

“A-aren’t Manager and Section Chief the only ones upholding this tradition?” a female colleague asked, but Aoyama hissed “Sshh don’t tell him!” while Shirosaki tickled Momose playfully.

Momose couldn’t believe he was getting dragged in a weird little birthday tickle tradition (?) between the two of them, and it surely was a little humiliating to laugh like this in front of everyone.. but Shirosaki looked like he was having so much fun.

And in return, Momose felt a kind of joy he hadn’t felt in a long while. All of his remaining past work trauma was about to disappear with the magic of Shirosaki’s gentle tickles.

“It tihihickles! Hehehe mahaha-manageheher!” Momose giggled, squirming and wiggling as Shirosaki continued to tickle his sides.

Shirosaki nodded. “Yes. It should tickle.” Hehe! So serious!

Other employees slowly distanced themselves from their awkward tickle party, leaving Momose with only Shirosaki, and Section Chief Aoyama who stuck around too.

“A little bit here too,” Aoyama said, suddenly joining in by poking Momose between the ribs. Momose twitched between them and yelped as they both tickled him.

“Hehehe nohoho!” he whined. Both men tickled him a little more, but not too much. Though embarrassed, Momose truly felt happy after genuinely laughing like that, and he caught his breath with a smile on his face.

“This is for you,” Shirosaki finally said, handing him a wrapped gift. “From me,” he added, blushing adorably.

Momose was glad he already had tears from laughter in his eyes, or he would start crying new tears all over again because of how cute his manager was.

“You even got me a gift!” he whined thankfully, and he opened it after Shirosaki’s encouragement.

“Ah - t-this is…” Momose admired the cute keychain with on one side a photo of Hakutou the cute kitty, and on the other side a photo of Momose and Shirosaki together - a photo that was taken of them when they were at the amusement park.

“You can put it on the house key I gave you. Or… on something else, of course,” Shirosaki said with a cute blush.

Momose’s eyed widened, and he could hear the nervous bursts of laughter from some colleagues behind them.

“A family picture?”

“Are they a married couple?”

“That’s right - didn’t he propose to him the other day? They are moving fast!”

“They even named the cat ‘Hakutou’ after themselves!” they gossiped.

Shirosaki blushed when he overheard them just like Momose, but Momose giggled and held the gift with both hands.

“Manager, thank you so much. I love it,” he said with teary eyes. Shirosaki smiled gently.

“I’m glad,” he said, and he walked away. He showed his cute and goofy side when it appeared he didn’t remember where he was walking off to, so he turned around again and returned to Momose’s side.

“Momose? I wanted to ask. If… Well, if you do not have any birthday plans today… You are free to visit Hakutou and me. I have some drinks too, a-and Hakutou will be pleased to meow you happy birthday,” Shirosaki offered shyly.

Momose blushed. So cute! Of course he did not have plans since it was not his birthday, and he nodded.

“I would love that!”

“Great. Also, I apologize,” Shirosaki said. Momose frowned.

“For what?”

“I realized I should have asked you first… if you wanted happy birthday tickles. My boss gave them to me on my first birthday at the office, and it took me by surprise. I ended up doing the same to you.”

Pfft!! Momose threw his head back and laughed. God, he loved it here.

“That’s alright, ahaha!” he laughed.

My abusive boss gave me mental stress and an ulcer, so I switched jobs. My new boss is the goofiest and cutest person I have ever met. He threw me a birthday party on the wrong date, gave me happy birthday tickles, and invited me to his home!

[tams-writeblr]

Love in a hopeless Place 6

Synopsis: She was barely grown up, when she stepped into the bar that was the center of Zaun's resistance. The people she met there would forever change her life, and one of them especially. Silco x reader/OC; first-person POV; overall rating: E for Explicit; canon-compliant (though I might make a stretch on the timeline here and there to make things fit my symbolism); age gap! (younger female, older male); 9 chapters; 45k; cis female reader/POV; no beta-reader; completed Chapter ratings/warnings: E for Explict! smut! inexperienced POV character, oral (f recieving), fingering, unprotected intercourse (wrap it up guys, pulling out isn't safe!) Wordcount: 2.1k Author's note: Welp, this is what we all came for, right? The right chapter before the weekend. Honestly I'm pretty nervous to put this out here, but I think it turned out well. Do you wonder how long Silco will stay a gentleman? Yeah, me too... I won't leave you with too much talking, just enjoy. Comments would be appreciated!

Today's music recomentation: Blink 182 - Fell in Love

<- previous | next ->

Act I

Chapter III

Part 3/3

By the time we reached Silco's house, we already weren't able to keep our fingers away from each other. We already had stopped a few times for an extended make-out-session in some shady lanes, behind containers and bothering bums. But we eventually reached his house, and we tried to get up the stairs as quietly as possible to not draw the attention of the other inhabitants to us. 

His apartment had only one large room; the bathroom was on the stairs.

"Comfortable," I commented into the resounding emptiness of his room. 

A bed, a sofa, a desk, a chair and a huge bookcase, as well as a small cooking niche, everything neatly aligned to one of the four walls and a huge empty room in the middle.

"Well, I'm never at home anyway."

I looked at him, scolding.

"Okay, I admit, it could use some loving hands for some last touches. And maybe the expert eye of a woman?" With that, he interlaced his fingers with mine, and I remembered why I was being here. We kissed again, this time slower and more meaningful than before. A silent promise. A glimpse of what was to come.

"I ask myself why we've been so quiet in the hallway. Your neighbors will know I'm here anyway, as wafer-thin as these walls are."

Silco growled onto my lips. "Quiet kid. You're ruining the mood." We kissed again, and just like that, he swept me off my feet and carried me the few steps towards his bed.

Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his hips, feeling his anticipation grow with each passing second.

As he was about to lay me on the mattress, his one hand pulled down the zipper of my dress and unclasped my new bra in one skilled movement.

As I felt the support of my tits vanish, I also felt my self-confidence crumble, and I panicked. "Sil! Sil Silco!"

As he looked at me puzzled, I swallowed away the lump in my throat. 

"I have never done this before."

He let me glide on the mattress, but then pulled away from me. "You haven't?" Truly a face of shock. Long, slender fingers running over his face and through his hair. "Oh, of course you haven't. You're Claus' sheltered little princess." He stood to his full height, planted both hands on his sides, and looked down on me with worry in his eyes. "Well, that makes stuff a lot more difficult as I... you know, I have never done that." He made a vague gesture with his hand, and I knew what he meant. Being somebody's first.

"Not even your own first time?", I asked, and hated how thin my voice was.

Silco slowly shook his head. "Been the experienced one of all..." He stood above me for what felt like an eternity, as if not sure if I was worth the trouble. But finally he leaned back down. "It's gonna be okay. I promised I'm only doing what you want, okay? Are you really sure you want this?"

I nodded as eagerly as never before in my life.

"Good. Then we'll get through with this. I promise, I'll make you feel as comfortable as possible. I can't promise that it won't hurt at least a little bit, but I give my very best."

I had to laugh. "You're so cute, you know that? I'm not dumb or naive. I know what happens. And I want it to happen now."

Silco ran a hand over his face. "You're gonna be the death of me. Now, where were we?"

I slung my legs back around his hips and gave him a sly smile. "You were about to undress me."

With that, he raised me from the bed a little again, and with a swift motion of his hands first one sleeve was pulled down my shoulder, then the other.

The carefully picked bra just came off with the rest of the fabric, and as he placed me back down on his sheets, everything pooled together on the side of the bed in a sloppy pile. Only a second later, my matching panties joined them on the floor.

Silco stood straight, devouring my sight for a moment.

I tried to remain as splayed out in front of him as he had arranged me, yet my limbs involuntarily cramped towards my core, trying to hide my vulnerability.

"Gosh, you're so beautiful," he suddenly sighed, sending some of my nervousness flying.

I expected him to get undressed too, but to my huge surprise, he got on his knees and pulled me closer to the edge of the mattress. "What are you -", it slipped my mouth, but before I could finish my question, his long, delicate fingers were on me, grabbing my thighs that it made me hiss.

"You don't think I'll let you out of here unsatisfied, kid, do you?" His voice wasn't more than a low hum, right in front of my core, making me squirm.

I heard him give a dry chuckle, then he spread my legs even further and went down to business. I yelped at the unfamiliar sensation of hot, wet lips on my, let's say, evenly ones down there.

Silco's chuckle between my folds already made me shake.

My hand looked for something to grab. The bedding wasn't really doing the job, so I finally got a grip of Silco's long, raven hair.

"Oh, we're having a clingy one here, don't we?", he muttered, and every chilly puff of air on my hot wetness made shivers run down my spine.

"No teasing," I begged, pulling his hair to get him back to work.

He chuckled again as he took a long lick from all the way back to the front. There he found his favorite place. And mine. Sucking and teething at my clit, I felt like I was gonna explode any second now. 

Each time I felt like I couldn't last much longer, his movements got slower, softer, kinder, only to come back at full rate, once my pulse had settled a little. I finally felt like I'd be losing it when his long digit carefully slipped past my folds. "Oh, please, Silco, let me come. I can't take this any longer."

"Not yet, kid," he hummed against my core.

I released the grip on his hair, and for the first time since he was kneeling between my legs, our eyes met.

His pupils were wide from desire, and the determined look on his face washed a new wave of desire over me. A second finger accompanied the digit, readying me for what was about to come. His fingers opened and closed like a scissor and curled inside of me, driving me crazy. The rest of his hand cupped my privates, applying pressure to my throbbing clit. Silco rose from the ground without breaking contact. He now hovered above me, planing kisses on my naked body. "You're so fucking beautiful. How do I deserve this?", he panted, his hair hiding most of his face until he was right above me. "What do you want to come on, my mouth or my thumb?", he asked, locking eyes with me.

"Thumb," I pressed, pulling him down for a breathtaking kiss.

"Good choice," he breathed into my mouth. Pulling his palm away, his thumb soon found its way circling my clit with just about the right amount of pressure.

"I think, I'm gonna come," I hissed in between two sharp breaths.

"Yes, you are," he whispered, and so it happened.

My eyes rolled to the back of my head for a second, and before I could come down from my high, I found Silco standing above me, unbuttoning his shirt. "Ah, screw it," he cursed and just pulled it over his head.

"You need a hand?", I panted, still recovering. Confidentially, I reached for his belt to open it. In a messy fumbling of hands, we freed his boner from his slightly too tight pants and sent it flying to the other clothes on the pile.

When I felt his head on my entrance, a new wave of nervousness befell me, and I searched for reassurance in Silco's eyes.

One of his hands pushed my hair out of my face. "It's okay, you're doing great. Just relax. You've had a good time today, didn't you?"

I nodded quickly.

"See, we'll have so much more of this good time. We'll have great times. We'll have glorious times. Look, maybe there'll be not so good times or bad ones too, but the thing is... the thing is - fuck, you're so tight."

Over all his ramblings, I hadn't even noticed that he had penetrated me. As we lay there still for seconds, his eyes squeezed shut, mine wide open, I didn't even dare to breathe. When I finally let go of the breath I've been holding, Silco looked at me with one eye. 

"See, not that bad, huh? Mind if I move now?"

I shook my head, but instantly hissed from the stinging sensation as he actually pulled away a little.

"Hey, kid, look at me!" He grabbed my neck and pulled me into a long, tender kiss.

I still felt him moving, but after a few insecure thrusts, my body noticeably relaxed. We looked at each other through batted eyelids.

When he kissed my forehead, I chuckled and wrapped my arms around him. It was wonderful feeling him this close to me, having his intense look just on me, being each other's every world for these moments. He didn't try any stunts, no crazy moves, he just... made love to me. Even as he reached his own high, he focused on keeping me comfortable. Only suddenly he pulled away from my embrace, buckled up, pulled out and shot his hot semen above my abdomen. Noticing my shocked reaction, he panted an excuse. Arching his back like a cat, he placed his head on my chest. "I thought this was better than knocking you up on the very first time."

"Yeah," I croaked, still a little battered.

After regaining his composure, Silco got up, grabbed into his actual laundry box and took out a visibly old sweater. "Come, let me clean you up," he whispered, sitting down next to me and wiping away any liquids.

Slowly, the feeling of exposure returned, and my arms wandered to cover my bust.

Only that Silco wouldn't let me. His free hand grabbed both my wrists effortlessly and yanked them above my head. "Let me enjoy the view for a little more, will you?" He blanked his teeth, and I sensed there was something more dangerous within this man than he was yet willing to show me. As he released my arms, I kept them over my head as he requested. Just as he threw away the sweater, crawled next to me, and pulled me into a tight hug, I dared to press them back down. "You did really well," he murmured into my ear, playing with the hair on my neck. He pulled a blanket over us, and from how slow his breath was going, I assumed he was falling asleep.

"You didn't even notice them?" I fought against my own fatigue.

"What kid?"

"My new underwear. My best friend told me, I should buy new ones for this occasion. It cost me the money, I had planned to buy a new jacket so that you could have yours back."

The blanket ruffled, as he crawled over me, so he could look into my face again. "You did what?" His amusement irritated me. "Come on, show me, now I'm curious."

A wide smile crossed my face as I got out of bed and quickly got into my new attire again. "See, it's sky blue." I grinned like an idiot.

Silco sat up, also a smile on his face. "They're great," he made.

As I gave him a little show, he finally grabbed my wrist carefully and placed me right in front of him.

"But do you know my favorite thing to do with this stuff?" He reached for my back and unclasped my bra again. "They're nice to look at, but what else are they made for?"

"They're pretty," I tried a weak explanation.

"You're always pretty, kid. Now take that shiny stuff off and come to sleep."

I laughed as he fell to his pillow groggily, did as he told me and crawled under the blanket.

He squeezed me tightly again, snuggling his nose into my neck. "Good night."

"Sleep well, Silco."

"I will."

I chuckled. As I felt myself doze off, I refused my body a yawn. "You know, Silco, I think I... I think I l-"

"Don't say it, kid. Not now. You're full of hormones now. Say it when we've had our first fight. Then you can trust your feelings. And now shut up."

And so, I did.

[marigold-hills]

Dunes & Waters, part 23

PART 1 • PREVIOUS PART • NEXT PART

It’s the only reason he’s able to break the eye contact, the surprise of the sudden new light in a room where all light has to be accounted for.

Wepwawet’s lapis-blue eye glints faintly a few times, then goes back to the brilliant dullness of ancient crystals.

“Did you see that?” Remus asks and the words taste like residue of a spell unbroken. That, above all else, is how he knows he didn’t imagine it. He crosses over to the Box, goes to touch the crystal but Sirius grabs his wrist, keeping him from it.

“Don’t touch it.”

“Right. Of course,” Remus withdraws, a bit embarrassed. He should know better than to touch magical objects he knows to be dangerous when they display new behaviour.

“Can you write down what you said? Phonetically, please.”

Sirius, wand at the ready, reads it out. The language sounds like magic in his smooth voice, but nothing happens.

“Must be my pronunciation. Can you do it again? Just be ready to cast a shield on yourself in case anything happens alright?”

Remus speaks again, words sandpaper-sharp on his tongue, bubbling in his throat. I measure your mouth for you. The crystal gleams, like a moon shining from the inside.

Sirius casts a detection charm at it. Lines of gold and purple cross the air between Remus and the Box. Fold in on themselves, double around the space where, close to the full moon, Remus sometimes feels a second heartbeat.

Sirius casts another charm, and a sound resonates in the spaces between the colours, empty like a brass bell being struck by wood. Like the taste of wolf teeth growing in his mouth.

“That’s strange,” Sirius says and Remus thinks fuck.

“What is?”

“It’s reacting to your voice, more so than to the words. Like it was made to respond to you. Sure you’re not some two thousand years old?” Sirius laughs because it’s a joke, because it should be funny, because he doesn’t know.

Remus tries to play along, like isn’t that bizarre, what a mystery, do you believe in reincarnation?

It falls flat because all he can think is fuck.

There’s one reason for this to happen and one reason only. Sirius’ pronunciation is flawless. But Remus is a dual thing, a thing containing multitudes, and it’s that which the Box found when he spoke aloud in the language it was made for.

He’s going to have to tell Sirius.

Or, no. He’s going to have to tell Kingsley they’re done, they are finished, they found nothing. Send Sirius off to England with a clean record and nothing but a memory of two months spent together in dusty library rooms.

He’s going to have to find a new niche to study or to abandon academia all together, follow his dad to the Highlands maybe.

He’s going to have to…

He’s been quiet for too long.

“Remus?” Sirius asks and its with that frown he gets when he thinks about a puzzle or a crossword or the Box.

“I have to go.”

“What?” Shock is too small a word.

“You know how to get back to the hotel. I’ll see you… later. I’ll be back later.”

“Remus, what in Merlin’s name are you doing? We’re finally getting somewhere.”

“Yes. Good job. You’ve,” and he stops here, midst the panic, because it’s so true and he wants Sirius to know this, “you’ve done a really great job.”

“What the hell do you mean I’ve done a great job? We’re not finished!”

Remus doesn’t respond, steps through the ward back into the library and apparates on the spot.

NEXT PART

@tealeavesandtrash

@moon-girl88

@hoje--aqui

@cocoabutterandbooks

@onion-sliced-apples

@prancingpony42

@digital-kam

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(let me know if you do/don’t want to be tagged!)

[tanoraqui]

the Trials of Apollo series by Rick Riordan:

30% “where are they now” on the PJO and HoO characters, starting 6 months after the end of the previous series. Results range from Percy “don’t involve me in this, I have to pass my midterms or Annabeth will kill me” Jackson to Jason “[spent about 5 months thinking he could have a life other than as blond-haired, blue-eyed, walking Heroic Archetype ‘Jason Grace, Son of Jupiter, Praetor of the Twelfth Legion’; that vacation is over]” Grace.

10% music references, and increasingly niche historical and mythological references

5% haiku so bad it’s only haiku on a technicality

10% oh fuck yeah FINALLY a child of Demeter is getting to be as OP as one of her “child of the Big Three” first cousins. Demeter was a child of Kronos and Rhea as much as her noisier brothers!

40% genuinely touching character development of Apollo begrudgingly figuring out how to be human and Meg grumpily figuring out to be who she wants to be, and both of them tentatively figuring out what real care for others feels like, both given and received; also, abusive parents can get fucked

5% interactions between gods and mortals, or gods and other gods, that make me physically vibrate with the desire to take this premise and plot away from Rick Riordan (portrays gods as Basically Just Some Guys, Nay, Chucklefucks, to be affectionately mocked), and give it to PC Hodgell or Lois McMaster Bujold or some other author who portrays gods with grandeur and awe (even when they’re sometimes being chucklefucks); with domains that define them and the terror, glory and responsibility of worshiping or being worshiped. Obviously Riordan’s approach is very good for Greek mythology (high chucklefuck to awe ratio), but gosh! I really like the other way, too! And these books brush against it in passing, without ever taking it seriously for more than about 1 paragraph!

[anghraine]

Meanwhile, in one of my other main fandoms:

My post about reading a surprisingly good article on eighteenth-century economics and (tangentially) Austen showed up on my dash again, I think thanks to @ladytharen. Now that my mind is rather clearer, I remembered that the author (Robert D. Hume) had left a footnote in the brief Austen section saying that it was contracted from a fuller discussion he'd made in a previous paper. I'd meant to check the previous paper out and simply forgot at the time, but that reminded me, so I read the other article, dated to the previous year (April 2013).

This article is simply called "Money in Jane Austen" (much less of a mouthful!), but is similarly granular about details. In terms of the general argument, the abundance of historical and textual details very much works in his favor. But he does fall a bit into the "AustenTime" problem, unfortunately, in this one.

I know I have another post talking in more detail about this, but I couldn't find it! Anyway, "AustenTime" is a term I heard once and have never been able to track down again for an approach to Austen and the times she lived through as this sort of pocket universe in which everything is happening in the same eternal moment that's roughly associated with the Regency England of the 1810s when her novels were first published (and often even more with "the Regency" as codified by Heyer and the Regency romance writers who followed her). Hume's take is much less Heyer-inflected than the usual, of course, but given his general attention to very precise details, it seemed odd that he didn't distinguish more between economic data from the 1770s, 1790s, and 1810s while lumping all her novels into c. 1810.

That said, he did use okay numbers for the central arguments wrt P&P and built from Austen's own extreme and painful consciousness of just how far not much money could go, to the gulf between her circumstances and even characters like Elizabeth's, and then to politely disagreeing with the kind of characterizations of the Bennets' lifestyle you find in even normally reliable things like The Cambridge Companion to Jane Austen. His argument is basically that there's enough textual information to tell us that the Bennets are fairly wealthy by genteel standards, not minor struggling gentry—at about the level of typical baronets in terms of income/land/lifestyle (Mr Bennet's situation is certainly more comparable to a random baronet's than Darcy's). Hume goes into estimates based on explicit details in the novel about the Bennets' household staff etc and what that would signify at the time, all good stuff, so that he can express his true feelings.

And his expression of those was actually really cathartic to read, because Hume's true feelings turn out to be even more seething rage at how much Mr Bennet sucks as a father than I would have guessed from the other article. He's like—

"Mr Bennet sucks SO MUCH y'all, and you might think I'm being ahistorical in my rants about what a failure he is, no I'm not overusing italics he DESERVES italicized hate*, and I've got contemporary source after contemporary source to prove just how incredibly irresponsible and selfish this guy is by the standards of the time and how callous he is about his children's future and even about the ungodly amount of money that Darcy drops to fix Mr Bennet's failures, and maybe it's not clear to most modern readers just how much that would have been BUT I HAVE THE NUMBERS. I swear this character is such an asshole and I'm embarrassed for ever liking him, honestly, and just because Elizabeth doesn't fully condemn him—but hey, remember that passage where she clearly knows more than she's been saying about what kind of man he is—doesn't mean that Austen isn't doing so. Elizabeth doesn't end up paying for Mr Bennet's colossal failures as a father and human in the novel only by authorial fiat, aka Darcy, whose circumstances are almost unimaginably niche even for high-ranking peers—but that's the fantasy, you know? And Charlotte's there to remind us of the reality of just how dire this situation could be in more typical lives, even when we're talking about the women in the richest 1% of the population."

I had a few other nitpicks, but the combination of detailed economic breakdowns and unashamed raw hatred for a character I also despise was truly enjoyable. And it was also—um.

Despite my griping about various Austen critics, I have my own struggles with imposter syndrome, and always feel guilty about how much Important Academic Work In My Field there is that I just haven't gotten around to and how I always feel like I'm missing important information and blahblahblah. But I do feel it a lot more acutely with the seventeenth-century works I've studied, since I came to that a good 15 years after I started getting into Austen criticism. Even so, I was surprised by how soothing it was to read an Austen essay that's imperfect but good and that is punctuated by all these references to other scholars whose names and work I recognized, influential interpretations that I've already read, all that kind of thing. It felt a bit like coming home, honestly, and it was reassuring that everything was so familiar at this point.

---

*He did not actually say that Mr Bennet deserved italicized hate, but italics for emphasis are actually really rare in this kind of writing and there are quite a few of them in the Why Mr Bennet Is The Worst section. More power to you, sir.

[syndrossi]

yes hi im asking more questions (maybe i shouldnt and should just leave you to writing…)

so i was wondering how it came to be that the twins would be Jon and Rhaegar. was that always the plan? i know someone already asked what would have happened had it been twin girls or a boy-girl pairing and you answered for each. now i’m just wondering out of curiosity did you ever consider it being Jon and Dany? (i dont like Jon betraying her so in my mind that scene is scrapped and in this version both have yet to meet each other, maybe they’re 16 or something in their respective bodies or Dany’s younger, etc.)

i just think it’d be interesting since Dany always craved more information about her past and more Targaryens that she’d be open to the family dynamic quicker, but also considering she grew up on the run from assassins she also knows a thing or two about protecting herself, but also being jumpy, flinching when being touched, protective of her family, i don’t know how her dynamic with Daemon would be though

I decided on Rhaegar pretty early on, in part because Resonant is meant to examine the parallels of three sets of brothers (Aemon+Baelon, Viserys+Daemon, and Jon+Twin), aka "as a Targaryen, you marry your sister but who is your brother to you?" Answer: it's messy and complicated (Viserys+Daemon) and can be just as deep a connection in some ways (Aemon+Baelon).

It mostly came down to which Targaryen brother I'd give him, since them both being TPTWP candidates was crucial to the main story plot aka why they were Summerhalled, and the interesting dynamic of having it be Rhaegar-but-in-little-brother-format was very compelling. The other two main options that Jon had ties to would have been his uncle Viserys or his half-brother Aegon who survived in another universe.

Any of those three could have worked, but Viserys at fourteen was already pretty unstable, and Aegon would have been essentially an OC. Younger Rhaegar meanwhile plays into Jon's fear of loss, while holding a deep, unrealized connection. I also quite liked the unwitting parallels between Daemon and Aerys, where Daemon's fiery nature works so well for Jon while Rhaegar's first instinct is wariness.

Aside from wanting the brothers parallels, I wanted to avoid the romance dynamic that crops up when you have different-gendered Targaryen siblings. Dany is a valid candidate for Jon's new sibling, since she's heavily hinted at being the actual canon PTWP, but having Jon+Dany as the twins inevitably would lead to an expectation of romance or having everything viewed through a lens of romantic love even while they're children. Although that can be interesting too, romance is well-trodden ground, especially Jon/Dany.

Which isn't to say that it couldn't have been a non-romantic sibling relationship. But while no one is clamoring in the comments for a Jon/Rhaegar pairing (for many reasons), I doubt I would have gotten a moment's peace about Jon/Dany.

Finally, I guess it also came down to the fact that I feel like there are already quite a few reincarnation stories featuring Dany and Jon, and it's something people are more likely to write. Who the heck in their right mind would ever throw Rhaegar into the mix instead? I honestly thought this would be such a niche story lol.

But if we want to play out the scenario where it was Dany instead:

In the case of a Jon+Dany story, Dany fills the "little sister" hole in Jon's heart, rather than mix of Robb+Arya that Rhaegar does. Because of who they are (part-Targaryen), Allard doesn't have them share a chamber, even this young, as a precaution. All the things I said in the previous ask the M+F combination probably applies as far as Daemon's reaction.

For Dany, I have to imagine this would all feel like the best of dreams, especially if it's a Dany transported prior to her marriage. She has a brother who doesn't turn abusive at times and who loves her without reserve, and she would probably even love it at the Gates of the Moon, which would be more of a home than she'd known growing up. Lady Lynda would have been delighted by a girl, and their relationship would have been very sweet. And then after the rescue, the wonder of coming home to the Red Keep that she had only ever heard about, with a protective/loving father and more family than she could have ever hoped for.

(Dany's background is probably closest to what Daemon envisioned Jon and Rhaegar's childhood had been like: unloved, unwanted, longing for a home and parents.)

If instead it had been the Dany from Jon's universe, it would have been a very different dynamic. That Dany is much more jaded and hardened by life. She has shouldered heavy responsibilities, seen war, commanded armies, and had to scrounge for power all her "adult" (teen) life. It would have been harder for her and Jon to fall into a twin sibling dynamic, and much harder for her to accept the very different expectations for her based on her gender, after all the agency she'd built up before. This Dany would have been a much better ally of Rhaenyra's, ultimately.

[mostremote]

Reflecting on 2024 and goals for 2025

personal longpost

Another year gone by! Last year I set myself the single goal of making an effort to publish the novel I was then working on. I finished that novel and did indeed 'make an effort' to publish it. I was not successful, but I learned a lot in this process about how the industry works and most importantly I learned that my first novel, while there is much I like about it, was in many ways more of an exercise than a great output. I would quite like to rewrite it from scratch now that I know more about what I want to write, but for now I am going to set it aside. I am writing a different novel now which is 1/3 complete, and thus far it has proved a much more cohesive and mature project. So, one goal for 2025 will be to finish that novel and, I hope, secure a literary agent.

My other more relaxed goal for 2025 is to read 50 non-academic books. This year I quit one of my academic service roles which required reading loads of academic books I didn't care about, and now I will be free to read as much as I want. I'm also breaking out of my academic niche to research and teach on works more interesting to me, so being able to read whatever I want will be a great boon.

My other big life plan is to move cities, get a mortgage, and buy a house (no more 8 hour commute!!). I'm not going to set this as a "goal" since it's almost guaranteed to happen and if it doesn't it'll be because, idk, I end up in a coma or something. But it'll be a big life change to look forward to!

2024 had lots of good things happen. Most importantly my second academic book came out with [major publisher] so that was exciting! But in the most remote.txt thing of all time, at the book launch everyone wanted to congratulate me and i just kind of waved them off so i could make a beeline for Hot Old Man and drink and talk about erotic literature w him all evening instead....... god i'm a parody of myself

Another important thing this year was making a very good close new friend, which is hard to do in your 30s, and I am immensely grateful for her intelligence, verve, and influence on me. There are few things I cherish more from 2024 than gaining her friendship.

Last year I was also very manic and that has, thankfully, much calmed down. My Big Emotional Change has endured; I've lost all interest in my previous addictive behaviours (mostly excessive & harmful sexual habits & video games) and have just been incredibly centred and soothed and happy. Writing The Shivering Season and basically canonising Donald Sutherland allowed me to process certain things about my trauma and abuse that have transformed me into a different person. I also finally got into proper long term therapy and that's been very good for me. Granted those who follow my trauma/MH side blog can see I've still been a bit insane in some ways, but it has genuinely been so much better than it was. Just feeling very calm and happy (certainly the SSRIs have helped with that lol) and good about where my life is and where it will be. Bring on 2025! And don't fuck that Hot Old Man

[icypantherwrites]

Given my last post, I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to those who reached out to me. It means a lot ♥ I don't have the energy to respond to each person individually, but please know that for now I am okay. Full disclosure, I actually meant to post that on my private 'shouting into the abyss' blog where I try to get more of my negative feelings out without potentially upsetting or hurting anyone else, but I apparently didn't select the correct profile this time. I'm super sorry for both the concerning content and also for not responding as I don't have Tumblr alerts on my phone and was unaware until I came on today for the mix-up.

Below is an author's note that I just uploaded along with chapter four of Here that I wanted to post here as well given it's not exclusive to that fanfiction (but to note it was written for an update hence some of the wording) and in a way relates to my previous post and where my mental health is right now.

Thanks for reading and thank you again to those who reached out. I truly appreciate it and your concern.

Author's note:

A more of a serious note now and it is a bit long, but if you can, please read as it’s important. As you may have realized, this chapter is a month out from the last update and the main reason for that is I have been really, really struggling with my mental health. I’ve been trying to get some space from some of these key culprits online (which is pretty much fanfiction) as unfortunately I can’t do the same with a lot of the one I deal with on a daily basis of family and friends and work, but every time I try to come back there’s just another nail there in the coffin reminding me of why I stepped back. I’m a giver and always have been and unfortunately the vast majority of the fanfiction world and people in my life are takers. And I’m just… drained. I feel stretched thin and worn down and taken for granted and to always have people asking for more more more and not appreciating all that I am doing and have already done just makes me feel even worse and then guilty I’m not able to do more for the people that are supportive and it’s a constant cycle. I’m exhausted. I’m depressed. I’m really hurting.

And unfortunately I know there’s a bunch of people on here who don’t care and won’t care and will bitch at me for expressing these feelings because they can only compare what they see of my fanfiction to their own and heaven forbid I dare feel upset about a lack of engagement or thoughtful comments because it’s more than they get. I don’t care. I’m not comparing it, they are. It’s the same concept of saying ‘what do you have to be depressed about? You have a well paying job and own a home and don’t have cancer (thankfully biopsy came back negative) and aren’t starving so you can’t be depressed. It doesn’t work like that (and for anyone who knows even an inkling of that feeling personally, hugs to you) and I’m so tired of being told what I should be feeling and attacked when I don’t measure up to some impossible standard. I’m trying. I’m trying every day to stay here, to be the support pillar I’ve always been for everyone in my life, online and in person, and to try to find the joy and positivity that always drags me out of my black hole before I’m lost to it. I am trying to continue to post my stories even when there’s barely anyone engaging on my other platform and same here where there are far less engaged readers than hits and kudos would indicate because I know how much it sucks to have a story be abandoned and I also know how important a lot of the support in my stories is to many (believe me, I know because that’s how I got into this genre and niche because I needed it too). I was trying to engage myself with readers in comments, find that spark again for my writing that I’ve come to just feel sad about. It’s hard. But I’m trying.

And all I can ask is that if you are a fan of my works, please, help support me. Leave a thoughtful comment about the story/chapter when you read it (you can always come back too, story will still be here). Have patience and kindness if updates take a while. Don’t post comments demanding an update or saying you never comment but wanted to let me know you were commenting now because you want another update (that is not the support you may think it is xD). If you can't say anything nice than say nothing at all (that includes unsolicited advice and attacks upon my person and character that too many folks think is okay to do in an online forum). Remember that authors are people too and we have a lot of stuff going on that you don’t know about in our own lives. Please just… be kind. Be thoughtful. And be a bright light against this black hole ♥ Thanks for reading and look forward to hearing what you thought of the chapter :)