#i hate transition edits why did i do this

[neos-schlond-poofa]

i need them all in ways concerning to feminism anyways happy women’s day and month!! i love women

(art by @expiredsoda)

[autolenaphilia]

Edit: as hoshi9zoe pointed out, the original version of this post needlessly berated other transfems like Jennifer Coates, for which I do apologize, and I have toned it down in this edited version. The original version survives in reblogs.

Some months ago, I was searching through this transandrobro blog to see if they posted a callout of me, and i found this reblog, which I couldn't really write about for months, because what do I even write. I recently wayback machined it for posterity, and I guess this is my attempt to write a post about it.

It's saint-dyke himself, the coiner of transandrophobia, saying that the infamous (at least for me) article "I am a transwoman. I'm in the closet. I'm not coming out" is what made him coin the fucking word. It's literally bolded and underlined: "Reading this article is what made me coin “transandrophobia”.

The reason I put off writing this post is that reading that article makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. And it is poison, make no mistake, it's internalized transmisogyny brainworms dripping out of the writer's brain and onto the page.

It's a justification for why the author, known by pseudonym Jennifer Coates, doesn't want to transition, despite knowing she is a trans woman. And it's the exact kind of internalized transmisogyny that keeps trans women in repression and not transitioning. "I'm not going to pass, i'm forever going to be an ugly freak who will at best be humored by other women, the closet is uncomfortable but at least it's safe"

It's the same exact bullshit a lot of represssed trans women tell themselves because it's what society tells us about trans women, that we are freakish parodies of women, that we will never pass, and if we don't pass we have failed and are ugly freaks. It's all to scare us into staying in the closet and make others hate and fear us. Transmisogyny permeates our society, and the majority, maybe all transfems will absorb and internalize some of it.

Coates says that it all is just applicable to her, but again so many transfems believe this shit before transitioning and realizing it's a pack of lies. If this bullshit was in any way valid, a lot of trans women shouldn't transition, because before we actually transition many of us believe it word for word. And "it's only true for me" is how we justify it to ourselves. We tend to be way harsher on ourselves than others. This kind of self-hating transfem tends to think: "Other trans women are beautiful graceful goddesses, earthly manifestations of the divine feminine, always destined to be women, while I'm an ugly forever male ogre who just has a fetish."

It's all bullshit, it's poison, it's internalized transmisogyny.

And the rest of the article is bullshit too. It is not some insightful mediation on gender as some people say, it's the author confusing and mixing up actual transmisogyny with an imagined problem of misandry. She does this because she has gone full repression mode, and decided she has no other choice to live as a man, so her dysphoria and experiences of transmisogyny are actually men's problems.

It's a bad article, excusable because as Coatas points out, it's "essentially a diary entry." that was meant to be a way to "vent frustration" and she "did not intend for anyone else to actually read it." It is clearly not the product of a healthy mind.

I hope the author sometime in the past seven years eventually did transition, and that for whatever reason she didn't want to publicly repudiate her own article. Maybe she lost access to the medium account so she can't delete it.

Far worse than the article itself is the response to it. I've seen it passed around as some insightful commentary on gender by the "feminists are too mean to men, misandry is real" crowd. I have argued against this before. And other people have made insightful comments about it.

And learning that saint-dyke claiming that he was inspired to coin the word "transandrophobia" because of this article is the cherry on top of this shitcake of transmisogyny. For my thoughts on "transandrophobia" theory and how transmisogynistic it is, see here.

Of course, Saint-dyke absolutely could be bullshitting here. Claiming that Coates's article is what inspired him to coin the word might be a lie to claim that transandrophobia theory is not transmisogynistic because it came from listening to trans women.

This is why "listen to trans women" doesn't work. Because TME people will always choose a trans woman who confirms their prejudices. Blair White has made an entire career out of this. And Coates article is popular because it says that misandry is real and trans women's issues are partly caused by it, misgendering herself and other trans women.

And it's popular for another reason. Coates has thoroughly internalized transmisogyny, and thus her article presents a trans woman that is exactly as transmisogynistic patriarchal society wants her to be. She is suffering, but ultimately accepts her assigned role. She truly believes that her biological sex dooms her to forever be male. She literally "manages her dysphoria by means other than transition" as conversion therapy advocates want us to do. She never makes an social claim on womanhood by actually transitioning, so she doesn't invade the sacred women's spaces. Yet she performs the role of woman perfectly by serving men, by defending them from supposed feminist misandry. And she fulfils the ritualistic role that the rhetorical figure of "trans women" sometimes serves in progressive spaces, of giving a blessing to TME people's pre-existing views and actions, all while actual flesh-and-blood trans women are destroyed by those same deeply transmisogynistic spaces. This time it's a blessing for the same "misandry is real" soft-MRA bullshit that has infested the online left and created the transandrophobia crowd.

That is why this article and the positive response makes me sick, makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. This is what its fans want trans women to be like. I'm acutely aware this kind of self-denial is exactly what transmisogyny wants from me and tried to indoctrinate me into doing it. And I want none of it. I want to live, I want to be a woman.

[kinopio-writes]

Hi! Would you be willing to write something for Adam with a sensitive reader?

Everyone knows that he is loud-mouthed jerk, even reader, and she loves him regardless, but one day he crosses the line and says something particularly mean that makes her cry. Like REAL mean. To the point that he pauses because he did not think before speaking (or, well, less than usual lol)

I'm happy with whatever format you feel like using! Thank you!

A/N: I will be more than delighted to write that for you. But would you excuse me for a moment? AHHHHHHDISJDIOEOFJSKXJND—I’m sorry; I love this idea so much. Reading ‘Adam with a sensitive reader’ got me hooked instantly. But I’ll go over that in the headcanons, along with the general stuff. And I’ll add a oneshot at the end that plays the exact scenario of Adam taking it too far.

Holy sh!t. I made it so that the reader being sensitive is their greatest but also weakest point and it turned out pretty angsty. Has a bit of hurt/comfort, though. Did I go overboard? Maybe. That’s why it took so long. Sorry, anon.

Words: 2,328 (edited)

Warnings: Sex is mentioned (only a bit, surprisingly), Angst, Adam being Adam

———

Adam w/ a Sensitive!Reader

• ha, this man is also sensitive himself

• well, sensitive about himself

• he feels his own emotions strongly, so he’s not the caring, easily able to pick up on other’s feelings and empathize type of sensitive

• you, on the other hand, are on the opposite end of the spectrum compared to Adam

• so you experience other people’s emotions just as strongly as yours

• you easily know what makes someone tick

• you’re selfless

• you’re able to admit your mistakes and apologize

• you’re respectful and actively listen to people when they talk about themselves

• you don’t push people down to make yourself seem better

• you try to make everyone feel good and comfortable

• you’re everything he isn’t

• because you fit in Heaven perfectly

• you deserve to be there

• and Adam knows that he doesn’t belong (subconsciously at least)

• you’re able to draw people in just for being yourself

• and he’s envious of it

• so he demeans you and is snarky about everything you do, and every time people give you praise or affection, he tries to divert the attention to himself or just stares at you with utter hatred from afar

• although all of that is just when he hasn’t even had a conversation with you

• after a while of being around you, he’ll cling to you because you give him the reassurance and validation he oh-so craves (he acts as if he didn’t hate you before. What do you mean? You two were always buddy-buddy!)

• you acknowledge all of the things he puts his worth to

• heck, you hang out with him—you sometimes even initiate it—willingly, and you’re genuinely interested in everything he has to say

• but he‘ll only hang out with you where no one recognizes you (so you don’t get all the attention)

• terrible transition here, but he notices that you mimic people’s expressions often

• he definitely makes fun of you for it

• and also mocks you

• up until he realizes that you do the same thing to him, too

• which is fine and all, if only you didn’t do that when he’s upset

• well, you mimic him when he’s joyous as well, but he (already subconsciously) expects you to. I mean, why wouldn’t you? He’s fucking hilarious!

• so you copying his negative emotions just stands out more

• and he…doesn’t like it

• that’s only really what he doesn’t like about you

• and the fact that you hog all the attention

• and the fact that people see you as perfect…

• buuut what happens when he gets to see a new side of you that isn’t exactly upholding that image?

———

Your phone lit up from your bedside table, brightening your otherwise dark room along with the soft glow of your halo. You only moved your eyes to the light, not wanting your tears to spill and dampen your pillows.

You had an inkling as to who was texting you this late—if the fact that your phone lighting up several times in the span of 5 minutes had anything to say.

When the texts stopped pouring in after a few seconds, you heavily sighed, wings ruffling. You resisted the urge to rub your face as you went to grab your phone.

HEY (2:34) HEY (2:34) HEY (2:34) ARE YOU UP? (2:35) I’M BORED (2:35) GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE (2:36) IF YOU’RE UP (2:37) ARE YOU? (2:38) DID I TELL YOU THAT BITCH WITH THE HUGE TITS GOT FIRED TODAY? (2:39)

Figured. Of course, it was Adam. He was the only person you knew who’d be awake at this ungodly hour. And the only person you knew who’d disturb your peace if it meant curing anything that ailed him. Which was now about boredom, it seemed.

You read a few of his texts displayed on your lock screen before tapping one of the notifications and opening the app, scanning the rest of the unread messages.

Adam was going on about ‘that bitch with the huge tits’—her name was Tiffany, you were sure—and how she was rumored to have slept with an archangel to assume higher authority. He also went on to complain about how he didn’t have the chance to bed her anymore since she was basically deemed an outcast and that he couldn’t be seen with someone like her.

You frowned, not believing any of it, but you didn’t have time to think about it enough when he began typing again.

SO YOU’RE AWAKE (2:43)

You barely finished reading the new message when another one popped up.

DON’T IGNORE ME BITCH (2:43)

You frowned deeper, quick to type out a reply.

i’m not (2:43) i was just reading your texts (2:43) don’t worry (2:43) i’ll be there soon (2:44)

When he stopped typing, you placed your phone back on the nightstand, sitting up on your bed as you carefully wiped away your teary eyes. You hugged yourself for a moment, wings functioning as a cocoon while a hand tugged on your hair.

Today had been draining—both mentally and emotionally. Just like the day before, and the day before that. But you didn’t want to think about it, lest you start to cry some more and smear your face with tears this time. What mattered was that everyone was back on their feet again.

Since you didn’t bother changing into your sleepwear when you got home, you only checked your face in the mirror to see if your eyes were puffy or not. You then took in deep breaths, holding up your drooping wings before putting up a charming smile.

You couldn’t stay in the bathroom for long, quickly leaving to tread the path to Adam’s.

•••

“BOO!” Adam’s masked face suddenly peeked from the corner of his hallway, earning an indescribable scream from you as you jerked back. He burst out laughing, brows creased in confusion but also amusement. He couldn’t even make fun of you for getting scared. “What the—what the fuck was that scream?”

Recovering rather quickly as you blinked, you only smiled at him. You were expecting him to wait for you on his couch as his front door was left unlocked, but you weren’t complaining; his action took away any drowsiness you just had.

When Adam didn’t hear you laugh with him, his laughter subsided as he opened his eyes to look at your face. He raised his brows and placed the back of his hands on his hips. “What’s up with you?”

Shit. There was no way Adam was seeing through you.

“Nothing; I just love hearing you laugh.” You heard a tiny squeak in response. “Anyway, what did you make me come over for? Surely not just to scare me.” You moved past Adam and tightly crossed your arms, entering his spacious living room.

“Pshh, fuck no. You’re so easy to spook. Though that was a first. Didn’t know you could hit high notes, (Name).”

You didn’t know what to say to his…compliment? And sort of insult? Was it really either of them? Should you thank him? But in a sarcastic way? No, you weren’t known for being sarcastic, so he might think you were being genuine and look at you weirdly. And it would also seem highly egotistical.

Not as if Adam had much to say about that…

You tugged at your hair when you caught yourself with those thoughts. Shit, that’s so rude! You can’t think that! You shouldn’t think that!

You settled on an awkward chuckle, making yourself appear smaller as you averted your eyes to his TV space.

It was different, certainly. The modular couch pieces were rearranged into a pit sectional. And it looked as though he had chucked a bunch of pillows and one large blanket as an afterthought. It appeared messy, but at least it looked cozy.

“What’s this?”

“Hm? Oh, well, since you were taking your sweet ass time coming here, I thought to switch things up a bit.” You flinched when his head appeared right on your shoulder. “What’d ya think?”

“It looks super comfy.” Adam wore a goofy grin behind you as you walked closer to the area and noticed that he already prepared snacks on the low table. “Is this a way to say you wanna do a movie marathon?”

“You know it, baby.” He flew past you and landed on the sofa, patting the space beside him with a smile you just couldn’t reject.

•••

Heaven’s natural light beginning to peek through the open windows indicated that it was already dawn. Thank goodness you didn’t have work today.

You two—or rather, Adam—had settled on watching the film series, Die Hard. Every single one. You didn’t mind, but you didn’t understand why Adam invited you over if you two were just going to rewatch the film series for the eighth time.

He had also been pretty immersed in the large screen in front of him, so he hadn’t attempted to converse with you ever since the first movie started. In all honesty, he could have just watched them all by himself.

But you didn’t question it. This time was the same as the last seven, after all. You always concluded that maybe he just wanted someone to watch movies with, no talking necessary. Even if the no-talking part sounded a bit out of character.

Was it though? Because he did that quite often. For instance, he constantly brought you along to whatever mundane errands he had to do during the weekdays and never really talked with you unless he found something cool and pointed it out.

Although, the earlier times you tagged along with him on his errands, he kept yapping his mouth off about the ‘totally awesome’ things he does. He talked about music, his own albums, his band, women, sex, and himself as the first-ever man.

As time went on, however, the talking was replaced with silence. You wondered if he just ran out of things to say or if he found it unnecessary to talk anymore.

You also sometimes wondered what was going through his head when he thought you didn’t see him glancing at you while he was doing something he believed was boring.

The sound of Adam’s stomach rumbling broke you out of your train of thought.

You both looked at each other blankly as if either of you were to blame.

He blinked to break the eye contact between you. “(Name), I’m hungry.”

You snorted, facing ahead. “You ate all of our snacks before the first movie even finished.”

“Don’t blame me.” He hugged the pillow he held tighter. “I’m still fuckin’ hungry, though.”

You hummed as you reached for your pocket. “Do you want me to—oh. I…I forgot my phone.” You frowned. You never forget to bring your belongings.

Adam merely stared at you, unblinking.

You averted your eyes and held your legs tighter. “Uhm, We could get delivery if you want. Can you lend me your phone?”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” He casually tossed you the device before laying on his back and looking up at you. “I’m down for anything.”

His phone hit your knee before you could catch it, silently landing on the cushions. “Are you sure?” You picked it up, opened his unlocked phone, and stared at his basic home screen.

He didn’t really use his phone that often to know that it could be changed. He only really used it to fetch one-night stands or occasional dates, text, play music aloud, look at outdated memes, take random blurry photos, and right now, order delivery.

“Totally.” His crow’s feet displayed on his mask as he puffed out his cheeks.

“Because last time you said that, you didn’t like what I had to pick.”

“That’s because the 5 ʼn 2 is so fucking overrated!” he suddenly started to complain. Your wings ruffled. “Jeez, I swear, every fuckin’ time I take a chick out and ask her what her favorite eatery is, basic bitches always go, ‘Oh, bREaD & fIsH, ceRTAinLy’ or ‘bReAD & FiSh’S a cLAsSIC’” He used his hand as a puppet to imitate their words before waving it. “Like, helloooo? Can’t you see the joint that’s literally on the other side of the street’s a hundred times superior? It’s cheaper, too, unlike Bread & Fish. Overpriced ass. You get me, right—?”

“Then you pick!” Adam jumped at your volume, and your eyes widened upon noticing yourself. You quickly gave back his phone as you turned your face away from him, and he slowly took it with a weird look.

“Shit, chill, (Name). The fuck’s up your ass?” He kept his gaze on you before turning to his phone.

While he was serious about his opinions of your bland tastes, he didn’t think it was that personal. Your preferences were the same as everyone else and that was boring. He was just being honest. And you usually didn’t take the things he said that seriously.

“Adam, I’m sorry,” you spoke up after a moment of silence and ran a hand through your hair. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“ʼs not a problem.” He was still a bit weirded out, but he was willing to shrug it off.

You insisted, however, “I mean it. I’m not mad at you.”

“Okay…?” he muttered when he saw a notification pop up from Lute. Her message consisted of how some of the exterminators got into a quarrel during roll call and the ones involved got injured in the process. She said she was going to discipline them.

Adam did not want to know what she meant by that and was most likely not going to stop by their place today.

“Really. I’m not. Sorry. It’s just that yesterday’s been…”

“Uh-huh…” At this point, Adam was not listening to anything you were saying. But when he still heard the static noise that was your words, he groaned. “Look, sweetie, I really don’t give a fuckin’ shit about your fuckin’ apology, ʼkay? I don’t fuckin’ care. Now what do you want?”

You saw Adam’s confused yet concerned expression after he looked up from his phone and immediately noticed that you were starting to cry. You instantly turned your face away as you carefully wiped your eyes.

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m not crying because of you.” You didn’t know if that was true. You didn’t know if you were crying because of his words or were crying because of everything else.

That was the first time he ever used a sweet petname for you in a long time. He only ever used that to demean or mock other people.

Shit. Stop thinking—you were going to cry more. But even after carefully wiping your eyes away, new tears kept flowing. You couldn’t stop. This was humiliating. You wanted to disappear. You didn’t want anyone to witness you in this state. It was mortifying.

“Shit.” Adam’s voice came out panicky as he held his hands out towards you, but he hesitated. Hesitated in what, he didn’t even know.

He…didn’t think you could cry.

Adam didn’t know what to do; this emotional shit wasn’t his thing. He couldn’t ask you to leave, he knew that much, but he didn’t want to leave himself. This was his place. Why should he leave?

So, he did the only thing he could do in this situation.

You suddenly felt something warm envelop you.

You didn’t look up, but you knew it was Adam. You could feel the texture of his robe on your hands and the side of your face. You could feel his hands on your shoulder blade, but you couldn’t quite feel his arms on you.

You stopped wiping your eyes for a moment.

No one had ever hugged you before when you were sad.

No one had ever let you be sad.

Adam heard you sob.

Fucking great. He made it worse. What the fuck was he supposed to do then?

But when he went to unwrap his arms, he felt yours slip around his midsection, pulling him closer than before as he grunted from your firm hold.

So you wanted to be hugged? Alright. Whatever.

Adam slowly hugged you back after you muttered a ‘sorry’ and loosened your grip.

The next seconds were silent, so when he heard muffled words coming from you, he looked down. You also looked up moments later when he didn’t respond, realizing he must’ve not heard you.

Your gaze softened as you two held eye contact, and with teary eyes, you smiled. “Thank you, Adam.”

Something about his expression changed, but before you could stare any longer, you felt a hand behind your head push you back to his chest as the arm on your back held you tight.

“Yeah, whatever…”

[ipostwhatiwant1202]

More Boyfriend Headcanons: Leo Edition

• "leo can you-" "-already on it." "you don't even know what it is." "doesn't matter."

• never late to anything, he will call or text if he is

• you think mikey's puppy eyes are irresistable? leo's has him beat

• very mature but if you put on music, he will dance with you ridiculously with no hesitation

• often hums to you while you're falling asleep

• you don't wanna talk out the fight you just had? okay, enjoy killing the big ass spider by yourself that somehow ended up in your shower

• has a very steady hand so if you wear eyeliner, he will gladly do it for you and it's always even

• cheek pincher

• "it's just blood, y/n, no need to be upset. i'll clean up, you go shower."

• "i don't shave, but let me help you cause you've knicked your face 5 times now and it's stressing me out."

• "well don't you look so happy to see me this early in the morning."

• "honey, have you seen my-nevermind! i found it!"

• if he's feeling extra playful, prepare for mini pranks like dumping cold water on you in the shower or scaring you

• you have a skin care routine? yes, he is all in

• gives you the bigger piece of chocolate or food item always

• he's mad at you? he calls you dear

• panicks when you call him leonardo cause then he knows he's in trouble

• does the sidewalk thing where he walks on the traffic side

• he gets extremely clingy when he's drunk

• short circuits whenever you throw a pick up line at him

• can and will smack your ass randomly

• insists on fixing things for you, which he does successfully (mostly), but he's the reason why your toaster exploded and you had to get a new counter top

• doesn't matter that he's 3 times your size, if he's in the cuddly mood, you are now his body pillow

• will nuzzle into your neck from behind

• snores

• he only used the 5 in 1 body wash (iykyk) until he met you and now he will only use dove body wash because of you

• will make you tea all the time

• will leave you written reminder notes everywhere

• acts like he hates when you have to help him clean his shell, but he can't stop the churring noises he makes when you do

• since you're smaller than him, your footsteps are lighter, but since he's well trained, sneaking up on him is nearly impossible (you did get him once, but he continuously denies it)

• praise, praise, and more praise

• will watch those cheesy romance movies (if you like them) with you

• will cover you with a blanket if you fall asleep in the recliner or on the couch

• oh you're ticklish? for your own good, try to keep it a secret

• type to ask you to let him know where you're at/who you're with/how long will you be. it's not to be controlling, it's incase of emergency

• gives you space to be independent but can't help himself to micromanage when he sees you doing yoga/exercizing cause you're "doing it wrong" (you're not, it's his excuse to sneak little peeks)

• no problem with getting you tampons/pads if you have periods

• no problem with helping you bind or tuck if you're trans and working through transitioning

• very good bedside manner. of course he'll rub your tummy if you're feeling bad, it's so soft

• very bad at not parenting you...work in progress but he won't realize it unless you put him in his place

• good at reading emotional ques, not the best at executing comfort but he tries

• he's still learning and growing but he's a quick study. he'll learn and adapt just for you

• he definitely said 'i love you' first

[reiiaokii]

love in transit

ghosted by ivy leagues pt 1.

╰ y/n l/n ᡣ𐭩 @ tanning4lifeee & @ filipinabaddiee

╰ popular influencer, mainly known for her vlog content on youtube where she literally just rants about everything and anything. also highkey popular on campus, if not the most popular due to her high following on social media. literally knows fucking EVERYONE, despite being an actual idiot. wakes up with a reason everyday and that reason is jolibee. def not academically smart, nor street smart. how the fuck did she get into college? no one knows. a sucker for alcohol, let alone parties. has a dipshit bf that we will elaborate on soon… pulls the most girls yet chooses to remain straight. ( 👀 )

╰ sophia laforteza ᡣ𐭩 @ sophialaforteza & @ profjolibeeater

╰ yn's literal twin, also initiater… loves pissing off yunjin despite also loving her to death. bonds with yn over jolibee and the fact that their both filipino. in like half of yns vlogs since there always together. matchmaker in the body of a 19-turning twenty year old filipina, along with manon, only difference is her being more devious with her strategies. no like literally… has been caught lacking mid-lecture just zoning out into the back of someone's head while thinking of her next plan to set yunjin up, MULTIPLE times. even got put on the uoh gossip page by anon just for that specific reason. genuinely, and lowkey smart despite skipping majority of her classes but yk, we love that. a massive theater kid, was always the lead role in any of her highschool plays which is why she minors in drama.

╰ kim minji ᡣ𐭩 @ kim.minji & @ .kiminchii

╰ yn's biggest hater and fan at the same time. HELLA smart which is why she majors in computer science and minors in a shit ton of other stuff. literally top of her class and spams the shit out of it buy using it to snap back at her friends or to simply just brag. a genuine sweetheart, has the most rizz out of everyone and still decides to stay single. ( OUR HUMBLE QUEEN. ) has dated like half of the campus back in highschool tho which is kinda messy but like, who cares yk? might be academically smart, but in no way is she street smart. has no survival instincts whatsoever which is also why she stays humbled. ( maybe due to yns teasing/bullying as well… )

╰ aeri uchinaga ᡣ𐭩 @ aerichandesu & @ .xogisellexo

╰ yn's locker buddy, always lost along with yn whenever it comes to anything academic related. minji tutors her for free drinks and extra compensation at any frat parties. stays up throughout the night, EVERYDAY, just to snooze during class. has a soft spot for yn that's genuinely so adorable to watch from another point of view, but when it comes to anyone else she's usually just a big troll and a tease. speaking of her being a troll, LOVES, trolling her teachers, not to be annoying but just for the sake of trolling. on the verge of dropping out but stays for the sake of her friends, AND the frat parties. hates yn's boyfriend to guts, but keeps that to herself. ( most of the time. ) quite literally aspires to be one of the 'cool, rich aunties' for her friends future children which is also what motivates her to stay in uni.

masterlist ᡣ𐭩 next

NOTES | BYE I JS REALISED I HAVE TO DO FOUR POSTS JUST FOR THE PROFILES ALONE OMG 💔💔 bear with me guys bear with me now also i couldnt bother revising or editing and most likely will not for the profiles so u get what u get 🥰 i already have the first chapter in my drafts and not even the fkin profiles omd imma lock in guys trust 🤞

TAGLIST | @meizinisnumberone @hiraizyo @arihiu @artrizzler19 @1luvkarina @sunshinez4 @kristalag @fruityg0rl @meiphobic @meganskiendielsbtc @gtfoiydlyj @yazzyminny @vrtualstar ( closed .ᐟ )

[tiredassmage]

veilguard thoughts!

rook + solas parallels edition

spoilery ofc because my head's not full of cotton balls today and i haven't stopped chewing on it all since i finished the game! so! this is a little endgame heavy; you've been warned for what's below the cut <3

the final first playthrough counter has come in just over 67 hours and i am all but physically holding myself back from launching right into another one with another rook because i had a blast. i'll concede it was a bit heavy on the exposition in the first several hours, but what followed has certainly won my heart, and i think the game is visually beautiful.

but i'm not even looking to do a full review here, but i think one of the most fascinating things this game did was set up rook and solas. so, two parts of preface then: one, i was a little determined to love this game and hoped it would at least perform decent. that's my spite about it, lol, but that's not the point, so we're not here about that. two, one of my admitted concerns when they had first announced this game having its own protagonist was... that i wasn't sure there was another person to finish solas's story other than the inquisitor, and this isn't a solavellan thing for me, though my beloved canon inquisitor is a lavellan. solas's friendship wasn't the biggest hitch in inquisition for me, but it was important to my inquisitor. he wanted to prove his friend wrong.

i don't believe hallaren had a plan at the time for how to achieve that. he wasn't sure it was actually possible to convince solas the dalish were not as lost a cause as he seemed to believe, but he had to try.

and when i started veilguard, i wouldn't say i'd have anticipated the parallels of solas and rook, nor how well they ended up working for me. i admit: they got me. i didn't see that twist coming. and the hindsight of losing varric from the beginning makes a lot hurt (i say that as a compliment). i think it's easy enough to explain why i didn't see it, why (my, at least) rook didn't puzzle it out, but i also readily admit i'm historically bad at seeing these kinds of things, so you're free to be amused on your own time, lol.

anyway. regret. not becoming what you hate, what you claim to fight against. not being beholden to what you were or what you've lost. the game hits these beats several times, and i think its a real beautiful repeating thing they've done if you hammer all the companion's stories with the main deal, and i did the memories of the dread wolf as well. rook and the inquisitor have a conversation about it that about touches on all of it way more eloquently than i could summarize.

and, of course, part of the reveal is solas did dabble with blood magic on the matter of varric's death, did set rook up for the level of regret and grief they must settle with to trap them in the fade - a prison fit for gods, a prison fit for a god's regrets.

and this is where i transition into blorbo-specific thoughts. because i think part of what fascinates and delights me so much about the rook and solas, potentially two sides of the same coin deal is how tyr's relationship with solas starts and then develops.

tyr does not trust solas from the outset. which i think is where a very interesting presentation of similar (at their roots) choices begins, as varric says: in a bar, as all good stories. one of the first story notifications we get is how rook chooses to handle the bar owner: charm your way out, or a more direct approach, and we're told varric takes note of this.

varric's own plan is an appeal to solas's nature. to talk his way out. as is varric's way.

normally, i'd call tyr the kind of character (having played with him as an oc in various medias for oh... going on 2 years, is it? maybe 3? time's fake, different post) to also prefer talking his way out. but he doesn't believe solas will listen. so he rebukes varric's plan of just waltzing up and charming him with his babygirl eyes.

then at d'meta's crossing, he spares the mayor. not because he doesn't hear the concern that the greedy bastard will fall to said greed again, and not out of an entirely conscious mandate for live with the consequences of your actions, but... in hindsight with other choices, i'd argue it's... from at least a little of that kind of place.

he tries and fails to reason with the first warden. several times. in the heat of weisshaupt, and with the recent conversation with solas about whatever it takes on his mind, he ends up decking the man. the stakes are too high for risking the first warden staying on his high horse again if another attempt at reason fails, is the driver of the decision.

i'd chewed for a while on how that would seem to make tyr's commitment to "talking things through" indicated by that first choice in the bar inconsistent. it all seems justifiable at the time, and he didn't get to the place with the first warden he was out of intentional malice, but he still wound up there.

much of that is natural by the circumstances he was presented. by making calls with the information and under the conditions that were present at the time, as anyone, not just rook, would have to do under such circumstances, if they traded places. sure, some of it is also by solas's engineering of his conversations with rook. by setting them up to be a leader asked to make those hard calls. maybe even for arguably goading them a bit into a situation where whatever it takes was their only feasible option. which neve has a great comment on:

this is, i think, most directly about varric's death, but also, personally, i have to say is applicable for solas's intervention during blood of arlathan.

so, back to blorbo for a moment. tyr begins from a place that mistrusts solas's motives. the I'm quoting you here, "lies, treachery, and rebellion" kind of mistrust. and then, as things progress, as the team unveils more about solas's past in the crossroads and through the murals, it circles back to what I think motivated much of his comment to varric that talking with solas wouldn't work: that even if solas has any regret for what's happened, he's too stubborn to concede, too trapped by the mistakes of that past to ever admit fault, to hear himself sound like the 'gods' he claims to despise. tyr continues to take solas's advice into consideration the whole time, true, because it's... hard to discount the only potentially close to the problem kind of advice and knowledge they don't... exactly otherwise have themselves. he's not sure what the other shoe dropping in that equation is going to look like, but he's more convinced it'll happen than he is entirely happy with the situation.

the murals create... a hunch. or develop it. that rather than just being too prideful about the harm he'll cause by tearing down the veil, that solas is trapped in this plan by his regrets and guilt for actions of the past. at that point, tyr... has a better understanding about how they got to this point, but it kind of only solidifies his reservations that solas might actually be reasoned with.

the one moment this is changed, then, is during blood of arlathan. because frankly i think that was one of the worst experiences tyr has in the entire game. elgar'nan's influence in their minds, and an incident where they're trapped with no conceivable way out and potentially facing down an archdemon again, not so long after weisshaupt that the losses have stopped aching.

whatever his reasons or motivations and whatever else happens, solas saves their lives. tyr can't find a way around that one, and he's not even certain he wants to. because it's one of the definitive moments where he didn't have a plan, and he was terrified the tables had finally turned against them, and they'd fail.

it's not... trust. but tyr's also spent all this time working with his team on this concept that change shouldn't exactly be beyond anyone if there's a little effort put in. and whatever his own feelings are, varric wanted to believe in his old friend, and so does the inquisitor - both people he respects greatly, and he's constantly calculating their desire for a better outcome into the rubix cube that is trying to figure out how to stop the gods.

the problem then, is that solas all but instantly takes advantage of this... lapse. this faint relaxation of tyr's guard against his manipulations. that whole little incident with the fade after ghilan'nain's fall is all but immediately after, and its a betrayal nearly thrice or so over in rapid succession: that varric's been dead this whole time, that solas has manipulated him and how he feels responsibility for the team and the regrets that arise out of having to make hard choices, especially in times like these, and then on the other side of the fade, that solas has gone to minrathous, solas is playing "hero" about it all in tyr's and the shadow dragons' backyard. and to add salt to the wound, in minrathous, it's been blood magic all along.

and, y'know. solas says sorry, says he won't tear down the veil by his own hand, but hands rook the weapon to do it for him. sets them up again. so maybe that's more like... four or five times, depending on your count and categorization of it all.

and rook has a choice about all of this to make, a certain level of peace they have to make with it all to even get out of the fade. and how much to follow varric's advice about don't become what you hate - what you were fighting all along, or trapped by what you lost.

here's tyr's opinion that solas has more than likely been beyond reason because he's too far gone on his own path to even see that he's done exactly that: that he talks like elgar'nan's control, he's just dressing it up in a different way. that he's trapped by what he's lost and sacrificed and admitting that will be too much.

and here's tyr's inescapable bitterness of having been betrayed, of having spent so long trying to be careful with the god of trickery only to have danced right to his tune the whole time. a fiery emotional response for a threat to his home, to minrathous that he's tried very hard to protect and leave a smidgen better than he found it in this whole fight.

by circumstance... and by a little of solas's own design then, rook and solas confront the same trouble of what sacrifice being a leader demands. what cost is too high? how much is too much?

i had the pieces at that point for the ending with mythal, but now i had tyr bitter and a bit more resentful about solas - in a kind of pain about betrayal that was still asking why? about it rather than worried about if regret was present or meaningful. which is where this came from in my head akdfnas;dfnsadf

you're both thinking it. and the endings directly focus on whether or not solas succeeds in tearing down the veil, but the thematic part of it, to me, was... do rook and solas recognize where they might be held back? does tyr act on the pain and resentment of betrayal and swing blindly at solas as repayment? or is it bigger than both of them? is it about posing the question to solas about regret? how much is it like what drove solas to this point to act on that resentment? is it just retaliation? or did either of them learn anything from that prison in the fade?

and that's what makes the parallel, and it's what sets them apart.

and that's how, still, in the end, i have tyr who is willing to choose trying to reason one last time. for the sake of the advice of an old friend. for the people that brought them this far, the ones who chose to believe against the odds. and maybe, even, a little bit for himself. a choice against letting regret and resentment rule.

for the sake of it and because i couldn't get this game out of my head, i checked out the other endings, just to see, and i... think i like sticking with convincing him the best for both of them.

the trick with the dagger swap i think is the only other fitting course of action tyr might've taken from that point, and i think some of its elements reflect similar beats here about... learning from the past, if you will.

the accusation of likeness to the gods is still there. the banter about wits. i am a fool who finally met his match. one might argue that's for underestimating rook, which... fair enough, but i think... it also falls in line with solas's regrets, the appeal to be made to his nature, the... want, in the end, to be proven wrong. to find a 'better' way, as once he suggested to the inquisitor, and as mythal's release from debt and rook and the inquisitor's forgiveness, if you will, finally allows.

and that is... very satisfying to have said between them, when it's been on tyr's mind the whole time. and... they can both be proven wrong this way: for tyr, that solas wasn't beyond listening, and for solas, that there was another way.

for both of them that they could move on from what these trials have made of them, what they have done, and what they endured.

and man... man that was good. and so, so satisfying. it worked, veilguard. you sold me on these two as parallels to each other.

and that's just... one of many things in this game that gave me a lot of emotions, but this has already been. a helluva ramble, so if you've made it this far, congratulations and i salute you, lol.

i'm sure i'll do it all over again and have even more thoughts about even more rooks to throw around and chew on with this and what it'll reflect about each of them and that's. MMM. that's delicious. i loved this game. if my brain and time cooperates, i'm sure i'll have more thoughts and maybe even some writings for it in the future, we'll see where the blorbos take me. xD

[wrecked-cuticles]

aight, i dragged my feet long enough about this...

let's talk about him!!

as i've mentioned before i've been setting up @bosburningplace to be my new blog!

the short of it is this: i've had this blog for nearly a decade. i wanted to delete all of it's content and start anew with my following and followers intact but i could never get the backup file to download. so i figured making a new one is the second best thing.

if you want to read more about my rambling and what to expect check out whats under cut!

so why not delete this blog and start fresh?

im sentimental. even if it makes me uncomfortable to have all of my awkward teenage posting remain on the world wide web, i'd rather it be public than lost. sure it's mostly reblogs but even those are fun to look back at. what media was gnawing up my insides 8 years ago? what completely opposing opinions did i reblog within hours of each other? i just spent way too much time on here not to have a reminder going forward.

but doesn't tumblr send you a back-up of your blog?

they sure do! but i could never get it download fully and i could never see anything in the broken zip file that remained on my pc. i'm not tech savy so i just assumed it was too big for my poor puter to handle and gave up.

but since you are following almost all the same blogs what's going to change?

well you see my dear literary device i have 2 other side blogs! one i made not long after this and another in 2018. the first one was for ~aesthetic~ posts that didn't quite fit what i was reblogging and at first contained bit more original content. the second one was for fanart and fan content that i didn't quite feel spaming my main blog with. it holds a great deal more explicit content as well. with bo's burning place i intend to not edit the stream of conciousness that is my blog so here's what to expect on my new blog:

more original content. i need to start publically stating my opinion if i want to go back to academia and get my ba. i need to start getting used to making 0 note flops because as currently is i'm afraid that if i commit a single thought to writing i'll be ridiculed and exlied. will these be meaningful thoughts? ohnononoo! it's whatever mundane 30 note post doesnt sit right with me for some petty reason or ruminations on breakfast.

spam. i mean the same picture of the same anime blorbo, reblogged 47 times in a row. i see them when i close my eyes and so will you. i will see about making a spam reblog blog if this annoys too many mutuals

more(?) explicit content. i've already started reblogging everything i would've put on a side but i never fully commited to it.

regular smegular reblogs of art, funnies and animal videos as you've come to know this blog

occasional still life photo or painting that i want to lick

for this reason i miiight dip my toe into using tags as they were intendid. i hate typing out tags so no promises

why did i drag the transition out this long?

i thought tumblr would send me one of those "your blog is x years old" notifications and i could post it. according to my archive it shouldve been sent by now but i also have vague memories of getting one in april like years ago? i also vaguely remember making this blog on my pc alone after midnight on new years when i was 14... who knows when this blog was really made, ive surely given up guessing.

anyway i feel like i once more overrated my own importance.

we here at not a newspaper magazine thank our esteemed readers for (nearly) 10 years of being a weird shut-in with us!

[ingydar-phan]

Happy birthday Dan. I found you at a very, very low point in my life. It’s funny, because that point was only a few months ago. March 3rd. March 3rd. Jesus Christ. I was dealing with severe bullying, depression, hopelessness, isolation, gender dysphoria (i have been out/socially transitioned for like 5 years), and most of all, loneliness. I had a circle of about 3 friends who i talked to regularly, but only 1 i even saw in person more than once per year. Then, two of those 3 people began having relationship issues and were on the verge of breaking up. I felt like i was a bother, a burden to their already existing issues. Every single day I’d walk into school, put my headphones on, and not talk to a single person. I’d read, sleep, listen to music, dissociate, and sleep some more throughout the day just to distract myself from everything. From class, from parents, from the outside, everything. I fully and truly believed everyone besides those 3 people hated me. They found me disgusting, annoying, taking up space, and simply didn’t want me there. I think that is true to an extent, but i don’t like how i was just letting that be how it is. My dad was genuinely hopeless, he told me to just ride it out and if i could try to be just a little bit normal-er, maybe i wouldn’t be ignored by every person every day. That didn’t work. Instead, i decided to do some self work. Or rather, my dad stopped intruding on my free time which allowed me to still be awake and do things i wanted to do in peace. I thought, “Dan and Phil….those two emo guys with the cat whiskers….i have such a vague memory of a friend mentioning them or scrolling across a post of them, who even are they?”. I typed into the YouTube search bar “Dan and Phil”. A gaming channel? Are these people streamers? Oh god (i did not know you were one of us 🏳️‍🌈….or british…..). I watched one video. Now, ACCORDING TO YOUTUBE HISTORY, i somehow watched What Dan And Phil Text Each Other 4 as my first video. Not even the gaming channel, i don’t know how this happened maybe YouTube is lying to me. Whatever. Ok so which ones Dan and which ones Phil? Why do they look SO different? They’re British? I started watching Dan and Phil edits on TikTok. Ok, i know who you are, i get the vibes. Oh, coming out timeline? Gaming channel timeline and hiatus? Reacting to PINOF? On March 13, i watched Basically I’m Gay and Coming Out To You. It took me an entire month from then to watch Why I Quit YouTube. By late April, i was in it. I was watching Dan or Phil every day. Before, during, and/or after school. Since then, I’ve purchased YWGTTN (limited edition signed updated paperback). It was 38 fucking dollars in USD but it was worth it. I also now own TATINOF and DAPGO, one of which is signed by Phil, i bought second hand. So yes, now this is my new thing. But you know what else? I was getting happier. I was going to more concerts. I was doing my schoolwork, or at least trying to. I was reading!!!! I’ve since finished The Secret History. I made a friend; reconnected with an old childhood friend and started eating lunch together and hanging out and having shared trauma dump sessions, and we are so so close now. My two friends broke up, but it’s ok. I’m best friends with one of them and he’s so much better off, and the other and i are still casual friends!! I value them both for the multiple years I’ve known them. I’ve taken family vacations and done religious holidays with genuine care while getting to reconnect with my family. I’ve very passionately finished acting in a musical that I’ve put so much care into for about 5 months. I’m graduating tomorrow!!! And me and my close friend will be going to a concert tomorrow night afterwards, and I’m going to have a great summer where i see my close friend who i haven’t seen IRL since March of 2023. I’m getting closer with my dad and seeing a new therapist. I am having medical problems as of right now, but i would 100% be lying in bed crying and skipping graduation had i not found a reason to enjoy my days.

Did i just take one sentence referencing Dan to write a whole autobiography on tumblr? Yes, but also no. Dan and Phil are real people. They really do rescue pigeons named Steve and getting 10 sauces for their pizza and say hi across the city with binoculars. But they also genuinely have an impact on people, and they see that, and they LIKE to see that. I don’t think Dan will see this post. But I’m making it anyway. For me.

I love Dan so much. I cried twice while watching We’re All Doomed in my kitchen. I have actively watched Dan and Phil videos while crying at school. Once, in my bedroom, i was having a panic attack. I had an overwhelming rush of thoughts around 10 or 11 at night about how worthless i am and how terrible everything was going. I opened my tiktok, and there was THE edit that saved me. It was a video of fetus Dan on YouNow talking about his dream home. And then it was cutting back and forth to the Phouse. Then, Dans hopeful monologue in Basically I’m Gay. Finally, Dans hopeful monologue in We’re All Doomed. All of this in a softly shaky screen with sad music behind it. I cried a lot. This aspect of my life means so much to me. I think about the Halloween 2023 baking video at least 5 times a day (and sister Daniel’s….uhm….legs…). I am still so mad i did not buy the satanic Craft shirts. I just rewatched Dans interview last year with Anthony Padilla just because of how goddamn much I’m obsessed with that angle of Dan with his cute chin and cheeks and fucking dimple. I think about Dans bluntness in his defined-self and truly feel inspired to be like him. I look at his change over the years, his comfortability in his body, seeing that his face and neck are shaped like my face and neck, and he’s fucking beautiful. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable in my weight if not for Dan Howell, and i mean that so insanely sincerely. I read Dans book whenever I’m feeling hopeless and need a soft sexy British man to tell me the scientific reasoning behind why i feel this way and to assure me he’s felt worse. I’m so serious when i say i cannot imagine a day of my life without Dan and Phil. I truly don’t understand how i lived before or how I’d expect to live without it. “Live”, in the sense of find a way of life, not as in “stay alive.” I can’t imagine a day without those big brown boba eyes and that cute dimple and mainly that calming voice that reminds me someone else has felt this way. That reminds me love is possible. That reminds me i have so much ahead of me, so much life and love and joy.

Phil’s birthday stream may be my favorite piece of Dan and Phil media, or at least one of them. I find it so comforting and wholesome and beautiful and hilarious. I have such high hopes for Dans birthday stream. Until then, I’ll be working on my long-awaited (still very very unfinished) 2009!Dan and Phil art piece within my art initiative (pinned on my profile) (just for funsies, no money or anything involved). I’m going to sit there at 3pm (my time) and watch with a huge smile on my face to see my amazing dads spend the time of their lives being sexy and old and happy and disgustingly homosexual while i just embrace all you’ve done for me.

Happy birthday Dan

@danielhowell

[belgianfry]

FAVE CREATORS ART CHALLENGE: @nataliescatorccio edition

of course i have to mention the queen herself 😌 bebebo your skills are unparalleled and i love that this is giving me a chance to squee at you once more hehe <3

(tho having to choose my faves was SO difficult!!)

so i want to start with a simpler set: this one. this rich red is so damn stunning and i'm always in awe of your coloring skills and how you manage to make colors look the same in every gif!! (as a gifmaker i know that's hard to achieve) this is the same as i told jagoda, you both have such an excellent way of coloring backgrounds and making it so smooth?? you both have achieved the highest level in frame by frame coloring tbh. i bow to you.

and if i could i'd link all your similar sets you've made because they're all gorgeous. and i hate saying they're simple because there's no blending because they're not actually easy to make?? you make them look effortless though. i admire that so much.

obviously gotta mention this set. the way you used the ripped paper effect is genius. to split two gifs into one and use the older/younger versions?? phew. i'm also in love with this pale green coloring. that first gif is my fave of this set, it's so damn good.

this set has some incredible blending!! seamless triple blends??? i'm on the floor. i love what you did with the text as well, so clever. and that beautiful pink omg, it pops! if i had to pick one fave i think i'd say the first one, i just love the composition.

yet another stunning set is this one. i looooove when you use two colors instead of just one because you always pick such good combos. you really have an eye for it (i know i already told you this but i'll repeat it cause IT'S THE TRUTH). the effects are so cool, the one with all the vinyls is so creative. your fontwork is also exquisite, so many different ones but it still all matches together and vibes.

i love me a good timeline gifset and this one is no different. the blending is superb. gorgeous coloring, it's pale yet they're not looking washed out which is always a struggle lol. looooove the fonts. the fact that in the first gif you triple blend on such a small surface? i have no words. why it doesn't have 10k notes i will never understand.

all your posts for rhaenicent week have been incredible i'll be honest but i can't talk about all of them haha. you've been so productive this year! but yeah this set i think might be my fave of this week? the transitions with the little squares is soooo beautiful and clever. i shall definitely steal it for a set in the future 😂 but your coloring omg?? that blue and purple and white. sooooooo pretty!!!

of course i have to mention this set. i have not mentioned your sense of humor yet which is a shame cause i love your funny sets :D i love the little notes you added hehe, roast him! i'm in love with the bigger font, it's stunning. the blending is once more, unbelievably good.

there's another bridgerton set of yours i loooove. the colors just have me on the floor, they're SO gorgeous. the blending is insane, i especially love the first gif. and then all the fonts omg?? you really let yourself go and i could not love it more!!!! never thought this amount of fonts would look good and yet.

next up: this beauty. the amount of details in this is incredible. the layout is so fun and i love the little logos you added for each episode. the rainbow coloring?? gorgeouuuuuus.

i have a soft spot for this set because it's so innovative. where do you keep finding all those ideas for creative sets truly?? i need to pick your brain!!! i particularly love the 2nd & 4th gifs, the b&w and the shapes and the typography make for an unbelievable ensemble. but honestly all the different effects on this set are so good.

then we got this one. again, it feels like you wanted to try out so many effects and transitions and styles. and i feel like anyone else would've tried this it would look bad, but you make it work!!!! that's the bebebo touch. this soft purple is beautiful but i especially love the fonts on this set i think. the 2nd gif is my fave i think, i love the ripped paper effect and the blending.

and lastly, of course i had to talk about this one you made recently. i cannot imagine how much time it took to make. the silhouette broken in parts and every one has another blended gif??? insane. the broken mirror, the broken heart, all of it matches the vibes so perfectly. i haven't watched this show but i can feel the tragedy of it all you know? this green and purple are such a good match. this is definitely my fave piece of yours this years. showcasing your skills beautifully.

this got really long i'm sorry i made you read all this 😂😂 thank you for blessing us with amazing creations year after year. so excited to see what 2025 will bring. where you'll take us next! ily <3

[valla-chan]

Was looking at that recent 'girlhood is a spectrum' post and it's wild how common it is for trans women to lose like huge chunks of memories from when they were a kid due to such strong detachment. I assumed this was a lot less common than it is but it's also quite validating in a way.

The level of memory I have for my childhood is never very strong but never totally gone either, I have all the resulting mental affects and hobbies and speech patterns and interests and stuff still, and I do strongly remember playing various games and whatnot but a lot of IRL occurrences are either wiped or hold no emotional significance for me. A lot of photos I remember the photo being taken or shown or edited but I don't remember how I felt or being at that location unless I've been back there more recently.

I really dont think cis ppl understand that growing up trans basically means that your entire sense of self and belonging in the world is disrupted from the moment you are old enough to be aware of your own body and social role?

I would say "I don't know why it feels so traumatic to grow up this way" but I think that realistically I've heard enough people talk about it that I kinda do now, which is that when it comes to gender roles, trans women are basically considered the most undesirable thing you can be, especially when being "male" is always seemingly on the table of possibilities of how to be, and that is basically the most desirable role for others to put you in. And being that basically requires that you throw away all personhood as you were meant to be and want to be, in favor of causing no waves.

And it's like... That shit never really goes away for a huge chunk of your life? As a kid I wasn't even aware I was even doing it! but looking back it feels so intentional, that even though I didn't know the reason, the mechanisms that enforce masculinity and suppress femininity were acting up on me from day one. And you subconsciously have this feeling that something is wrong but it's never validated, never discussed, rarely even ever made aware of let alone FELT, ffs.

I felt like an observer for my life, a pair of eyes that would eventually turn into a person, or maybe not... And I loved activities where my self could be expressed through things I Did rather than who I Was. Providing thongs for others to make them happy, creating content on the early web, being good at school and getting good grades, etc etc... you learn to Be what you Do, you learn to Be what you are Not, you learn to Hate what you Are.

And I really do mean that, I really did learn to hate what I was, iirc! It seems all too common that trans women would have an interest in women's culture, such as fashion, female puberty, sex appeal, identity, anything that could be put through a male-enough lens to pass as something normal to other males in your peer group and family, even if done with this constant layer of irony and uncertainty and emptiness...

And now it feels like that was all a dead end. The person I do remember being, from when I dig deep into what I do remember, is basically not a lot like me outside of hobbies/interests and humor and masking.

Really who I am now is actually based on the complete opposite of who I was as a kid, which is to say, I took everything I liked that I wasn't socially allowed to, and I shoved that onto an abstracted female character in my brain for safekeeping.

When I look back even harder I remember that I even had alternate account for her online which I would use to have conversations with myself or my friends to see how it was to give these thoughts a voice or something. It's hard to recall the reason, except I guess, I suppose, that there was no outlet; no other way for these ideas to escape without driving me crazy since I didn't know transition was even possible let alone an option for little personless me, how am I supposed to adapt my identity if I don't have one? (Checkmate liberals)

And I guess ultimately it's all been said by people more eloquent than me, it's all been gone over in my own head already, but I think everyone's story is worth something, and I need to learn to value my own for what it is. I wish that I could learn more from what I was crushing down and putting aside onto fake characters and projecting onto others... Maybe more so than learning, id like to experience it. But there's no real way to go back to childhood, let alone one that I made up to cope with my real one, despite my real one being pretty damn cushy on the outside (aside from some shit but this post is not about Fathers and whatnot)

Cause right now I feel like I don't really have a relevant childhood to point back to or take comfort in, aside from origins of hobbies and other material interests. It's not comforting. No matter how many facts and images I do manage to dredge up, I don't Feel it. Even the sweetest memories I can fish up actually hold... basically no emotion. I've done shrooms, and seen my friends access and address pivotal moments of.their childhood while tripping, and coming out the other end refreshed. For me it's just blank slate, but I still feel like a kid. (Fulfilling in its own way yeah, but 2 bad trips has deterred me from going back to that for quite some time now.)

Now I guess I'm at the point where this is something I become aware of quite often and feel quite sad over. Something akin to derealization took a lot of my early 20s as well, and with all these things combined, I feel like I don't really know how I got here- despite the fact that I can trace it back through events and factually say, yeah, that's how it all went down. I've seen those services where you can upload childhood photos and have them photoshopped to be the opposite gender in order to help relive dysphoria over past... And I won't lie I have considered it, just to see! But it would be fake... It would be like acknowledging that I am fake, or something. Or that I literally come from a rebound of suppressed emotions that boiled over, rather than actual lived experiences (once again excluding most hobbies cause those are tried and true. Keep feeling the need to put this disclaimer as it it matters.)

And like, I dont want to be fake. I don't even really want to be trans, I don't think I ever wanted to be, I just wanted to be myself from the get-go. I personally subscribe both to born in the wrong body and identity changed over time cause realistically it's like, both? There was no belonging in my body, only crude fascination in what a mess everything was; how nothing seemed to align to anything I was supposed to be, despite never once actually realizing that for myself. For a long time that being funny was enough to get me by.

So I guess to make this post worthwhile, because I desperately want to ask this:

How do y'all cope? This is not rhetorical, btw. How do fellow trans ppl, esp transfems but really including any mostly fully transitioned person, deal with this feeling of not really having a past or at least one that feels applicable? How do you rationalize and happily exist with the knowledge that your personal development happened through made up characters and unassuming daydreams? How do you learn to connect and live your younger self when you hated him (/her) even while being them, and who actively sabotaged your own existence for safety reasons?

I feel like I've had about 5 years out of my 25 to get up to speed on what type of person I am, as to not waste any more of my youth before it's gone. I feel like I should have had 2 decades of this like everyone else; like my age suggests. I feel like I got cheated out of experiencing life as a human being that had time to develop and find myself before having to worry about money and independence and adulthood.

I have an ask sitting in my askbox asking about my favorite story from highschool and I would absolutely love to tell a story but it wouldn't be a story about me. I don't have that many stories about me. I don't know what to talk about when people talk. How do y'all cope with the feeling of it? Can you? How do you be okay with having childhood toys that mean something to you but you can't recall moments with them? How do you love your family to that normal level when you only remember key events? How do you come to terms with never having been to school as yourself? How does any of this ever get resolved??? I cannot bear to keep wishing and yearning to be present in my own past without being vocal about it, how do you do it y'all???

Hope you liked the random images from my phone, I wanted to make this post more fun to read than a giant text wall lol. Happy holidays and good luck to all people who are struggling to reconcile identity, self, family, and this time of year!

Please reblog, this may be a personal post but I am hoping it connected ya with others!

[wildcalendula]

some thoughts about the filmmaking in yr

I was thinking about why I gave Young Royals a chance and watched it in the first place (answer: boredom) and why I was hooked right from the beginning (spoiler: the filmmaking).

And let me tell you, when I started I didn't know anything; what it was about, who was in it, that it was in Swedish... I try to avoid spoilers to movies/shows like the plague and only vaguely skim the summary text. I scrolled past this hideous thumbnail on Netflix so many times:

(what even is this? it doesn't really look like Edvin and it screams low-budget, entitled rich boy with no redeeming qualities in a shallow tv show. sorry, I'm still not over this thing)

It did not interest me at all.

But then literally one, two minutes in I was hooked. And that‘s largely due to the filmmaking, I think.

Some stuff that made me wanna watch more:

momentum through scene transitions

In the first 2 minutes we get introduced to Wille in 4 different scenes.

There is a lot happening in two minutes and we get thrown right in the middle of it. But the way the scenes are intercut (woven together) makes for very compelling storytelling.

So much of it is shown, not told. No unnecessary exposition! (doesn't everyone hate it when we, the audience, are treated as dumb? but still so many shows do it..)

The scenes get intercut to transition from one to the next and are linked through music, dialogue or visual parallel. Entertaining! It creates flow! And this momentum carries us along with the story beats.

Music: high energy, a little aggressive, building up to a climax, ends abruptly when Wille is driving away in the car, picks up again during the flashback, finally carries over to the car because Wille is listening to the song with earbuds. This sequence showed me very early on that the filmmakers put some love into the show through a high level of details.

Dialogue: Wille's voice-over links the car with the palace scene (more on that further down)

Visual: the crowd of reporters with their camera flashes parallels the crowd of club goers with their cell phones. They even edited in an aditional flash of light. Now, that's attention to detail:

lingering on reaction shots

First dialogue of the show, Farima speaks and the camera is on Wille. Then, when Wille speaks, Farima is on screen.

Usually, you cut back and forth to show the person speaking, the reaction, then cut to the next person with a line of dialogue. The focus ist mostly on the speaker. It‘s standard but it can also come across as quite formulaic and.. well, boring.

YR has a habit of breaking with this tradition and does the opposite: the shots often linger on the person hearing the dialogue, showing their reaction to it. Different! New! Exciting!

... Admittedly, this scene is not the best example for what I mean, just a first glimpse of it. (And I am not really in love with the editing/cuts during the car conversation. I think they didn‘t get enough footage) But later on, YR does this a lot.

Another but slightly different example for this:

We hear Wille express his frustration (in the car) while the screen shows Wille slowly walking through the palace.

There is one instant when it cuts back to the car but for the most part we are now seeing Wille in a different setting.

The show visually focuses on him while he is processing the dialogue: Slow walk, almost dragging his feet, although he's calmer now, something's bubbling under the surface, a big sigh to release tension

Character introduction: the new setting also shows us a different side to Wille we haven't seen yet. He‘s in the palace, in a suit, as the Prince. As the audience, we get to experience two sides of him in one scene: Wille (more casual, emotional) and the Prince (formal, more composed). And this juxtaposition hints at conflict. Intriguing!

Two minutes in and I knew what I could expect from the show: a character with an inner struggle, emotional complexity and the will to show it on screen.

Love it! Let scenes breathe! Put the emotions on display and let the audience experience those emotions with the character!

Structuring these 4 scenes like this is, for me, a sign of a good show because it points to deliberate (and creative) choices. Everything should be done with a purpose, and every creative decision should serve the story going forward.

there's lots more I could talk about but I've got to stop myself here, this is already a lot :)

tl;dr: loved it right from the start because of the obvious effort put into filming and their creative love for details

[kirkwallguy]

okay thoughts after finishing the tutorial

it looks CRAZY. maybe i just don't play a lot of modern aaa games / just finished dai but it looks crazy to me. i have graphics on medium so im obviously not getting dull fidelity but the physics and everything is just nice to look at

lots of da2 vibes happening that are really making me giggle and kick my feet

cc is almost perfect tbh, the hair is really good. my only two complaints are skin tones kind of suck and eye shape customisation is weirdly limited? unless i was missing something obvious i was struggling a lot with the eyes

the movement is very frostbite lol. it was jarring at first because it felt like running on ice / rook's legs were moving faster than they were. but by the time i was in the lighthouse i was used to it. it feels better in combat / when sprinting tho

idk how i feel about combat still. i initially hated it because i was trying to play it like a dark souls game lol, when i realised it was more like da2 with extra steps i started to enjoy it, the bow and arrow are fun. but then the fight with the pride demon felt like i was doing something wrong. maybe i was. but it didn't feel good and i hope all boss battles aren't like that.

strobing was really bad during the pride demon fight tho which might be why it sucked so much. it isn't the ability effects as much as the actual lightning in the scene just being WAY too much. idk why they don't have an option to turn it off but i hope someone mods it in because i felt so sick and had to stop for a while and i can usually handle shit like that. why is this not considered an accessibility thing in games yet

writing is Fine. tbh it's probably the same level as dai with all the saying really obvious things to try and ease new players into the world. there were one or two lines while running around that were bad just technically (there's one where rook goes "so the tevinters did xyz... so then abc happened" IDR the actual line lol but the repetition of so was clunky and is like. something you catch in a second edit. girl.) but otherwise it's not egregious. varric is fun as usual and solas sent me to sleep as usual

^ honestly tho the tone relaxed very quickly into something that felt pretty much identical to da2 or dai so im not really as worried about it as i was

cutscenes are SO cinematic and nobody walks like they just shit themself. ❤️ a win. you can tell actual thought went into a lot of them which is something i liked about da2 but never felt with inquisition

i really love the return of the little 2d animated bits as varric is narrating and the way it transitioned into 3d was kind of sexy

LOTS of mentions of rook being a warden which is fun, i'm guessing they do that for other origins. i also think i got an acknowledgement of the personality path i sent my rook down, similar to the hawke red purple blue. either that or it was varric's reaction to the bar choice which is still fun. i think when people complain about whether or not choices "matter" they're talking about alternative endings but i prefer it to be on a smaller level like this and just have scenes change depending on who my character is

i really love the british male va and it's nice that they didn't go with a typical posh / rp accent like lots of fantasy games do

anyway tldr i like it and will play more if my laptop doesn't explode because it's more intensive than i thought itd be

[jupiter-balls]

So do you ever get given a doll and have an entire self discovery plotline? Because I did

So this is a Kanani, American girl, limited edition girl of the year from 2011. She's a mixed Hawaiian girl which is cute and I've always liked her but never wanted her as a kid especially because I HATED her collection for some reason

As an adult I grew away from American girls, I loved and appreciated the ones I had but they just didn't speak to me anymore and I never could figure out why so I moved on

Alright so then my mom was like "I'm getting a doll second hand for me and it comes with a Kanani I'll let you have her" last week.

Cue "wtf you got me a KANANI?!?" Crisis. I did not want her nor have any reason to have her,I'm not even supposed to be getting any dolls at the moment but, Something spoke to me about her, even if homegirl was a little rough around the edges

So she came home, I got my little racoon hands on her to restore and I was surprised how long her hair was and frankly how adorable she was. I started really bonding and falling in love with her, little by little she became mine

Her name is Frances now, Still Hawaiian and Japanese though. She likes pink and cute things, I decided to give her ringlets and she wants a smocked dress

Then, I realized. Dolls have become less about buying, and having the latest release and collections like it was when I was younger into AG's. They're not about predetermined personalities or whatever is trendy at the time.

They're literally an extention of myself now, and they're an outlet for creativity. Names I love, Styles of clothes I like and sew for them, Different aspects of my own personality or people I admire. Every. Single. One. My earlier AG's helped weave my personality and in turn I grew to not need their help anymore. A weird transition from childhood to adulthood realizing my own self from my doll collection

So yeah, Welcome to the family Francie, I hope you like it here and I especially hope you like me because sweetie we're going to be dressing very similar from now on 😊

[enchantra35]

Reflections on V4 & V5 of RWBY by a first time watcher

(Lengthy post ahead)

Hi, it's be again, back on my bullshit. First of all, I'd like to say that I didn’t expect my first post to get that much attention LOL. I'd like to clarify (again) two points:

First, I agree with most people's explanations. I didn't mean to sound like I was accusing fans for not thinking that bumbleby would become canon. My intention was to point out to some earlier hints, and I realize now that I could have used some better phrasing. As I explained elsewhere, when rwby aired, I was too young to know anything about the state of queer representation in media at the time. Now of course I know better, although I never got to experience that kind of anxiety - at least, not to that extent. My second point is that I was mostly referring towards homophobes and incels who were trying to persuade shippers that bumbleby wasn't happening, and not to fans who couldn't be certain due to the overall circumstances.

With that said, the aim of this post is mainly to discuss some things I've noticed while watching volumes 4 & 5. There wasn't much I wished to comment on after finishing v4 as I found it very transitional, so I decided to do one unified post for both volumes, especially since someone suggested to watch these volumes as one. Let me now get to the main points I'd like to mention.

-Edit: I forgot one of the most important motifs imo; the moon. I noticed how each volume it looks bit by bit more ruined, showing how the world below is also falling it chaos and society as it is known is destroyed. Also, it's eventual (potential) complete destruction will make the nights darker, symbolizing the triumph of evil. I love subtle details like that.

- Ozpin's and Crow's dynamic really reminds me of Dumbledore and Snape. Ozpin in particular reminds me very much of Dumbledore - and I definitely don't mean that as a good thing. Although he clearly has good intentions and he's a "good guy" per se, sometimes it feels like he's using his students as sacrificial lamps for the greater good. Personally, I'm not exactly font of the idea of pushing the fate of the world onto the shoulders of a bunch of teenagers. Oscar is still a KID and all he's ever known is how to be a farmer and suddenly he's sharing a body with one of the smartest and most powerful people to ever walk the earth and their fates are suddenly intertwined. That's so insane. And on top of everything, Ozpin isn't 100% honest with him. I'm glad that Yang confronts him about keeping secrets. I will give it to him however that he's honest enough to admit his mistakes.

-Raven is probably one of the most fascinating characters. Can't say whether I like her or hate her, but there are so many layers to touch upon. It's interesting how she's constantly trying to prove to others - and essentially to the viewers as well - that she's cruel, smart and calculating (and she definitely is all those things) and that she doesn't care about trifle things, but ultimately she fails, as it is evident by the end of volume 5. She does care about Yang (although she has a very strange way of showing it) and her tribe most of all. She's also smart enough to see Ozpin's shortcomings.

- I liked how they explored Yang's trauma from loosing her arm and how she copes with the loss. "A part of me is lost" is such a powerful statement and it points to how everything has changed, but Yang accepts it.

-At the same time, that girl has no chill with that prosthetic arm. She straight up dismantles it off her shoulder just to win the wrestling against Nora (and later on to elude Mercury. I bet that if anyone asked her to give them a hand, she would just toss it on their feet then laugh her ass out. She's so silly, I love her.

-With that said, I wish they could have explored a little bit more of Jaune's trauma, but still I think we see well enough how Pyrrha's death has affected him. But why the FUCK did they have to give him more trauma in order to unlock his semblance? Another of his friends almost dies before his eyes, give that boy a break, good Lord.

- Ren and Nora 👀. I love me some good childhood bestdriends to potential lovers. Their background is so tragic but there's something about then growing up together that makes me feel things. I love their dynamic and I think it's pretty hilarious (collected, quiet guy and loud, silly, powerful girl). It was nice how they gained some catharsis when they finally killed that monster. And the symbolism when they hid under similar building where Nora tried to calm Ren down? Literal tears.

-"I was struck by a lighting and I lived. What a Wednesday" GIRL WHAT, LMAO

- I really enjoyed Blake's and Sun's dynamic, whether someone sees them romantically or platonically (for me personally it's the latter, but that's besides the point). Sun has always been a great friend, and although he can be really annoying sometimes, he is there for Blake and he's able to make her see things clearly and persuade her that isolating herself isn't a good thing. I feel like without him around, things for the Belladonnas would have been very different. He's a bit of a himbo, but I love him.

-The angsty Bees got me really well this season. Yang's anger is definitely justifiable and she has every right to be upset.

-"What if I wanted her to be here for me?" BITCH-

-Weiss pulling the "what's that supposed to mean?" every time the Bees are being angsty will forever be funny to me. The OG Beekeeper.

-That said, I think that she explains Blake's point of view really well and I liked how she reached out to Yang although "they aren't that close" (her words, not mine) and seeks to comfort her.

-Did I say that I hate Weiss's family? (Except maybe Winter, but the rest can go burn in hell). I'm GLAD Weiss realizes that ream RWBY is her true family. You love to see a good found family trope.

-Genuinely CANNOT stand the Bees this season /j. Blake seeing her team again and the only person she calls out for is Yang? And Yang's puppy eyes when she sees Blake again? WHY ARE YOU GAY?

-One of the funniest lines was when Crow was like "How can six children make so many noise while having dinner?", like BUDDY, you just answered your question. Tired uncle Crow for the win.

[angels-and-glitters]

I need to COMPLAIN.

This is gonna sound edgy nerdy not so girblogger coded but let me getto out of my silly girlie pop character for a minute i am RAGING.

For context two days ago i suddenly remembered that WEBTOON exists after trowhing it in a black hole in my mind, so i re download it and i start reading one. Apart from the endorphines i forgot a good webtoon gave me,

(whole other talk about redescovering old intrests !!!even if they look silly!!! when you feel a dry mind)

I finished it in a couple of days, and as i usually did when concluding a webtoon, a comic or any possible thing i liked, i start looking for the edits so i can imagine myself being in that universe while playing them.

(its a physical need i swear)

(No judgment let me being a cringy kid at the sound age of eighteen thanks)

(Its a guilty pleasure.)

Getting to the point. I am in DISAPPOINT.

What the fuck are these dry stupid no personality rage triggering edits.

They are MID.

Feel free to be' offended i stand where i stand

What the hell are these kids doing!?!

I had to scroll through YEARS to find the good ones.

So i started my reaserches.

First of all, i got to the sad conclusion that instagram edits are going through extinction.

Back in the days (☝🏻) when tik tok (musically for the ancient) wasn't that big of a thing for edits, you went on instagram (at least i did!!) And they were TOP TIER.

Masterpieces.

I would've hanged them on my walls if they were physical.

They were energetic, fresh, powerful, you could tell who's edits were by they're style because the editor's styles were so different one another.

They fitted the medias perfectly and don't let me start on the transitions.

They were immaculate.

Perfect to the millimeter.

These type of edits made me immerge in the media even more, i had my favourite edits saved, (a LOT), and i watched them every night before going to sleep multiple times, they were a lullaby to the mind.

But on my trip to these new (and few) Instagram edits... I was horrified.

First of all, no character whatsoever is put in these digital scums, the personal style is gone.

Probably due to these ages generations who wants to look the same be one another fit into something precise (I dont have the strength to start another fuss I'll just keep going with my silly polemic) but the transitions.

They are MID MID MID even terrible.

Actually I hate them.

There is not an ounce of effort in those disturbing sliding of images.

There isn't flow, variations,good blends. They all look like they were made by 10 year olds (wich is prob the case) and don't tell me oh it's just the age they'll learn as they grow.

No.

I want the twelve year old freaks that edited like it was they're last day on earth.

Like theyre life depended on it.

Where did they go?!?

What's wrong with this generation? why didn't they pick up the heredity theyre ancestors gave them?

Why did they throw it all away?

Why are they descending into this madness abyss?

And the music choices.

Disgusting

They never match the mood of the fiction, or worse the mood of the edit itself.

And honestly they're just boring ass songs.

Now, what I said about these Instagram edits applies also for the tik tok ones, but with some differences.

First of all, because there's much more editors on tik tok now, luckily there are some exceptions.

Some good stuff that's going on, but for me it's still not enough. From the parameter of the golden age of edits, those edits are just.. average.

The average good stuff you save and lightly watch. Its hard to find an edit that makes you obsessed. It wasn't really back than.

And most of them still lack the personal style, that again, I think its crucial for the ideal enjoyment.

I also noticed that the capability of the editors changes based on wich media the edits are of.

Like for example the editors of jujutsu kaisen (dont ask me anything i didn't see it) aren't doing a so bad job.

Maybe because the target audience is older so are the editors, idk

But it still lacks something.

That sparkle that was there before

The one that made you crave to watch it again and again

Maybe it's just me who's lacking something I had before , and nothing else changed

In conclusion, I think the editing culture ended at the start of 2022.

Idk tell me you opinion so I don't feel crazy thanks!

(Sorry in advance for the bad english i'm not a native speaker or anything)

(Edit not sorry this is a masterpiece I should be employed somewhere my English is near perfection)

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Loki Episode 3 Reactions (Less Coherent Edition)

Lots of caps lock today. Spoilers for Loki.

If we don't go to the World's Fair today I'm gonna riot.

If said World's Fair is not in Chicago I'm gonna riot

Oh FUCK YES just saw the screenshot

CAN I JUST SAY EVEN THOUGH I THINK I'VE SAID IT BEFORE LOKI IS BASICALLY IN HIS CLOTHES FROM THE COVER OF WML

OH MY GOD I SAW THE TITLE YESSSSS CHICAGO

The fucking music oh my god

NO WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE THOSE BUILDINGS MADE OF WOOD TWELVE YEARS AFTER THE CHICAGO FIRE ARE YOU CRAZY AND WRONG

oh okay I will casually throw aside the large rock. It's 1868. Maybe ya'll did do your research. I SAW THE TRAILER THOUGH SO I'M NOT SO SURE

DON'T DO IT IT'S FOUR YEARS EARLY DO NOT TIP OVER A LANTERN BITCH

OB that was not simple enough for me

Are we in 1868 or 1893, then, boys, I have to know for the historical accuracy of these building materials.

THANK YOU, MOBIUS! [He mentioned the Fire and I felt vindicated.]

Yes, how could you have forgotten?? MOBIUS I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE THE WORLD'S FAIR

CAN WE TALK ABOUT WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED TO THAT NEIGHBORHOOD THOUGH

I MEAN FLAMES BUT IT WAS EITHER NOT REBUILT OR LEVELED AGAIN FOR MIDWAY [side-eyes the parallels of the history of Central Park in NYC to Hell and back] [I don't know for a fact if that is accurate but I wouldn't be in the least surprised if it was.]

okay the vintage transition made me unnecessarily excited

MOBIUS do not rationalize your snack addition [you don't need to, you're perfect]

Also Cracker Jack is nasty

Thanks Loki

YOU FLIRTS

The commentary on the global exhibits is the shit

"Thor's not that tall." SHUT UP SHUT UP YOU STARED AT HIM FOR FAR LONGER THAN NECESSARY AND SAID THAT TO COVER UP THE FACT THAT YOU MISS HIM YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ANYBODY

fuck yes post credit scene

I'm just saying it's not that far outside the realm of possibility for Theo to be here [I was going to continue to explain this but then got distracted by:]

THE VINTAGE TRANSITIONS

Loki is fucking panicking

SYLVIE MY GIRL

Wait goddamn please let's not do this shit again

Mobius just take her bag. You're a clever boy, I'm sure you can think of something.

OH MY GOD SHE THREW HIM

NO LOKI DO IT

Eew

This guy grew up in Chicago. Why is he talking like that?

"The wizard gentleman" I'm dying

Okay but this is not a Wisconsin accent either.

"Lower taxes" MOOD

HOW ARE YOU TWO SO BAD AT THIS

yeah Miss Minutes you keep trying to take credit for this, you wanna be the one that fucks him? Because that's the direction this shit is moving [Apollo please I'm begging you to pass me over. Ugh.]

Squall squall squall

Oh shit I didn't see THAT coming though damn [I was trying for a shipwreck but then they just sent Renslayer adrift in Lake Michigan.]

The writers: Okay so everyone betrays their lover in the end; Me: Okay one, are y'all okay? And two, y'all read Oscar Wilde's "The Ballad of Reading Gaol" and took it as gospel, huh? ["Yet each man kills the thing he loves/By each let this be heard,/Some do it with a bitter look,/Some with a flattering word,/The coward does it with a kiss,/The brave man with a sword!"]

MISS MINUTES ABSOLUTELY GO FUCK YOURSELF

eew what the fuck is happening

OH MY GOD THE WRITERS LOVE TO MAKE WEIRD ASS COUPLES

EEEEEEWWWWWW WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING BUT GODDAMN I FUCKING SHOULD HAVE

Rav I'd say kill Minutes but we need her

VON?? VON??

ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN WITH RAVONNA AND MOBIUS THIS TIME

DO WE NEED THESE PARALLELS

OH FUCK YOU RAV

SYLVIE STOP

HAIR FLIP

SYLVIE

YEAH SYL KILL THE BITCH

AND FIGURE OUT YOUR NEXUS FIRST

SYLVIE YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN YOUR NEXUS FIRST BUT DAMN GIRL HOLY SHIT

EEWW MISS MINUTES COME ON

Wait I just thought of something and I HATE IT SO MUCH (sorry to not tell you but I'm gonna think on this for a few days and then post a theory)