#i hate this i hate the world because then every post rn is about project 2025 and how if i dont vote biden im basically voting for trump

[scringee]

[celestie0]

kickoff! reader who is stalking gojos page and accidentally likes one of his oldest posts. she panics and turns off her phone, without unliking it.

kickoff!gojo who is re reading your guys instagram messages and you text him while he’s doing this. he scrambles to come up with a reason as to why he read your message instantly

kickoff! reader who tries to watch soccer games to understand what’s happening. she probably yells offsides at everything. gojo can only smile at her and offer to help her out

kickoff! gojo who takes a picture of your silhouette in front of those statues you meet up at during the sunset (without your knowledge) and makes it his lock screen. you ask him about it but he just pretends that it’s a soccer goal and the sunset behind it.

kickoff! reader who finds herself thinking of satoru way too much. will see basically anything and be reminded of him. “oh a pair of sunglasses? gojo would like those” “hm, they started selling a strawberry tea? gojo would drink that”

kickoff! gojo who loves the sims. unironically makes a sim version of him and reader. tbh he probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, he just starts thinking about reader and starts adding her features. thinks it’s funny to make them have “fun time”

kickoff! reader who is looking through the game pictures she takes and finds herself staring at gojo. doesn’t even realize she’s doing it until mina walks in on her. think peter parker and gwen stacy

kickoff!gojo who has a full “project m’bappe” for your future kids. starts the kids off with a soccer plush and it leads to them being absolute powerhouses in toddler leagues

kickoff! reader who used to play soccer as a kid. threw a tantrum in the middle of a game because she decided she hated it. only started to like it again because of gojo

kickoff! gojo who keeps a printed out picture of the two of you in his wallet. Suguru took it at the frat party when gojo kissed you. around you is blurry and flashing lights, in the middle of the chaos is gojos lips pressed against yours. His hand is holding your waist, you’re slightly on your tippy toes to reach him. He sometimes zones off when paying because the picture catches his eye

BABE……..WHEN I TELL YOU IM BLUSHING N SQUEALING N KICKING MY FEET SM RN…..UHHH I THINK U MIGHT HAVE TO JUST TAKE OVER WRITING THE SERIES FOR ME??? bc i went thru sm emotions reading these pls 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

ok first of all tysm for thinking of these and sending them to me???? i genuinely cannot believe youve made headcanons for my fic that’s so surreal n i will forever remember this 😭😭

BUT ALSO THESE ARE SO ACCURATE PLS and all the little details omg it means sm that youve noticed all these lil thinfs throughout the fic n their relationship n i cld cry rn 😭😭

pls excuse me for addressing each n every one of these bc im so excited by them i fear this ask will be long so i’m adding a keep reading loool

sobsosbsosbsbsossbb the headcanons ab their digital fuckups LMAOO omg reader is 100% the type to be stalking him at 3am even tho she swears shes not even THAT down bad for him n then she loses all feeling in her face when she realizes she liked a post from when he was like in high school or sumn🧍🏻‍♀️there’s no coming back from that LMFAOO but i feel like gojo wldnt even notice it bc he probs gets a lot of notifs so she’s safe this time around 😭😭 BUT YOURE ALSO SO RIGHT AB HIM REREADING MESSAGES N THEN GETTING SPOOKED WHEN HE REALIZES SHE SAW THAT HE READ IT RIGHT AWAY LMAO i feel like he’d pull something like “uhhhh i was just about to trxt you, that’s why” and she’s like “🤨 this is the fifth time that’s allegedly happened”

aww reader trying to understand soccer for him 😭 thats so cute bahah also i made another headcanon recently from another anon who mentioned gojo streaming the world cup hehe it’d be so cute if reader shows up to the frat game nights in the jersey of the team that gojo’s rooting for bc she’s just trying to be a supportive girlfriend n she gets excited watching the game but she’s actually got no clue what tf is going on 💀 but gojo adores her for it so thats ok

the lockscreeennn that’s so cute 😭 also i love the idea of reader being his muse too :”) like he doesn’t know much about photography but bc of her he’s like kinda curious about it now so he’s always taking pictures of her w his phone while she’s not looking :”) i imagine his camera roll is just a bunch of candids of her while she’s dissociating off into the distance or something 🤣 n he’s like “wow so pretty im so good at this”

OK BUT READER IS ME THINKING AB GOJO EVERYWHERE I GO LMAOO no but srs that one made heart skip a beat bc how sweeettt is that 😭 i think that is a true mark of love where u think of someone everywhere you go :”) for gojo, i imagine that anytime he sees anything scenic or colorful or something like blooms of flowers or a nice sky he thinks of how she wld probably really love to take pics of it n he gets sad she’s not there to do so

okk im down for sims boyfriend gojo 🤣 and wdym by fun time omg 😭 pls dont tell me it’s possible to make people BONK on sims. ive seen a lot of tiktoks recently about how they added gojo to stardew valley n ppl have been marrying him lmfaoo i wonder if gojo wld try to marry her in sims 💀 cant tell if thats cute or creepy PLS tbh i’d probs be like “aww babe”🧍🏻‍♀️

and YES AB THE ONE WHERE SHE STARES AT GOJO’s PICS THATS PRACTICALLY CANON, also, there was supposed to be a scene exactly like that in ch8 where mina walks in on her staring at the pics she was editing for her professor 😭😭 so ur 100% right on. i just bet he looks so handsome in those photos cuz he’s concentrated n sweaty n probs looks really determined n in his element tbf i’d be starinf at those pics too LOL

YOURE SO RIGHT HAHA he’d make sure their kids are soccer prodigies 😭😭 startin them YOUNG. reader’s like “dont u think they’ve practiced enough today…they’re supposed to go to that birthday party at noon” and he’s like “THE GRIND NEVER STOPS😤🔥” 💀💀 unironically the type of dad that wakes his kids up at 5am on summer break to take em to soccer bootcamp or sumn 😭😭 ok but he knows theyre just kids n lets them have fun haha obviously but he just has high expectations for them lmaoo

im so tender to the idea of reader having played soccer in her youuuuthh how cute wld it be if she unknowingly also had a crush on gojo back when they were kids (maybe there was some sort of co-ed game they played ONCE when their elementary schools organized it n she was like omg who’s that boy over theree n it’s just 8 y/o gojo who’s got all the 2nd grade girlies swooning even back then 🤣) but in adulthood she probably doesnt rememebr that at all haha OMGGGG I NEED TO MAKE THIS CANON BC HOW ADORABLE WOULD IT BE IF GOJO’s MOM HAD TAKEN A PICTURE OF THE GAME BACK THEN N U CAN SEE LITTLE GOJO N LITTLE READER ARE IN THE SAME PHOTO im gonna sob???? im so inspired by these rn??? anon??? can i fr hug u through the screen???

omggg ok im deceased im dead ab the PICTURE IN HIS WALLET. THAT IS SO HUSBAND CODED and adorabke asf i just might melt rn 😭 him getting distarcted while paying kakskddjhd also i can imagine him having a picture in his wallet of her in her cap n gown on n stoles n everything during graduation or something bc it reminds him of their college days :”) n when he’s playing away games during national league he’s always looking at it when he’s away from home bc he misses her

also i feel like suguru might’ve taken the photo as a polaroid 🤔 now i headcanon that kickoff reader also has a polaroid camera bc why wouldnt she lmfaoo 🤣 but just imagine the polaroid relationship wall LOL its so corny but i wld want them to make one together 😩💕

screaming. crying. feeling so inspired rn. cheesing. cheeks r hurting. love u sm anon srs if you have more i will gobble them up like a turkey. LOVE YOU <333

[vacantgodling]

Writeblr Interview

On the Tumblr Writing Community

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr?

been on tumblr in some way since like 2013. been on writeblr specifically since like 2020-2021... ish?

What led you to create it?

ended up leaving twitter (back when it was still twitter) around the time the pandemic happened. i wanted to get back into tumblr because i'd been focusing mostly on twitter for awhile and the yeehan community/my old friends kinda weren't doing shit for me so i wanted to focus more on my original stuff. so i ended up making a writeblr when i heard that was a thing.

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

how we really do just be on here talking about our blorbos and having a good time. its nice to have a place to escape with people who also get the importance of not being connected to reality at all times.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

i feel like ask games have kind of died down compared to how they were a few years ago so it'd be nice to make a resurgance of that.

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today?

honestly just post what makes you happy and actually interact with other people. just trying to promote your own stuff doesn't really work (unless you're an artist tbh) but interacting with other people and making posts talking about what you're making with enthusiasm instead of the "woe is me idk how to talk about my wips but i hope someone will talk with me... :((" like bro idk just talk about it. have a good time. you don't have to follow for follow or follow someone just bc they're a writeblr either i kinda hate that shit. like only follow me if you're actually interested in my shit and vice versa. but that's just a pet peeve. tumblr isn't twitter we are about having a good time here not about promo.

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

that's a funny way to put this. rn its mostly been tcol just because i've been on a worldbuilding history kick because i've been cramming my brain full of a fucking alternate history youtube channel that my brain is mildly hyperfixated on. but my brain kinda flip flops around to any of my main wips when its convenient.

How long have you been working on them?

tcol's a wip i've had since i was 12 so like. pff 14 years at this point? jesus it sounds so old when i put it like that. paramour just had its 3 year anniversary on 6/19. vdtrt i've also had since 12. btaf is a couple of months old. like. maybe 2 months old lmao.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

tcol -> the video game etrian odyssey, lotr, history (in general) paramour -> there's so many influences frfr. but the original start was crimson peak and wanting to make something like that but also beauty and the beast and goth lit or whatever vdtrt -> percy jackson btaf -> twilight, but specifically the bella pregnancy arc

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

literally all day every day in some capacity

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

"fantasy" i don't really talk to people about my writing at all in general irl anymore tho. just sets up for annoyance and disappointment.

What do you want to say (if it’s different from what you do say)?

"fantasy" like. i really don't like people knowing about my wips esp if i don't think they have the bandwidth to appreciate them. not to sound uppity but like ik the people who i'm around and the shit that intrigues them is just worlds away from what i'm writing whether it be because its fantasy, because it's horror, or because it's queer.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.

so as of counting (and not counting the plethora of flesh blood recently added to tcol) i've got 419 characters and counting. this also doesn't include any of the ocs i have with my partner which is a decent amount. i'll just stick with the mcs of the main wips. so those would be:

hyacinthus, amon, darren, sjaak, biscella, azelie, piper, forte, deux, san, clear

Who’s the most unhinged?

least to most hinged of this list:

SJAAK -> amon -> san -> piper -> hya -> clear -> deux -> biscella -> azelie -> darren -> forte

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

hya and amon are the easiest to write because i've written them the most. darren is a close second but not first because his whole thing about not using adverbs really trips me up.

Do you ever cringe at them?

nah. i don't cringe at them. i disdain at them. but not really cringe. i get really bad secondhand embarrassment so i don't tend to make characters that make me have that actually cringe reaction.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?

kinda a weird question for me but tbh i feel like its sort of a 50-50 situation. i tend to make characters firstly out of some utility (aka i need a character to fulfill this role in the plot) and then as i develop them its like the two of us become collaborators on writing the story together. sometimes characters can be a bit stubborn about what they do or don't tell me about their backstories (hya is notorious for this) but for the most part they can't really "hide" things from me or wholly not do what i want them to do. a lot of times i'm going to put them in a situation anyway, they just need to tell me how they'll react to it. if any of that makes sense.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters?

of course :) i sound kind of dead in this questionaire because i'm at work ready to kms. but, sending me asks or talking to me on discord/tumblr messages about any of my idiots is always loved

On Writeblr Engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account?

i look at the vibes of the account, who they are, if they have an intro and what kind of wips they're writing. i mostly only follow people if i see that their wips interest me. some exceptions can be made, ie: if they interact with a lot of my stuff first and we become friendly and i'm not following them i'll follow after the fact and then get invested in whatever they're doing. but on initial contact i like to see who you are and if your wips are interesting to me.

What makes you decide against following?

wips don't interest me or have things in their wips/in their sphere of focus that i just don't care about or aren't really my cup of tea. like let's say someone puts in their wip/personal intro that they hate fantasy. i write fantasy all the time. so like. probably not gonna follow you. that kind of thing.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

not often? i wouldn't mind it bc i actually don't follow that many people (always under 100) but this is bc i can't keep up with people that much and i want to make sure i properly give attention to others if i'm going to be invested in them. but like. i enjoy talking to people about my shit so like. /shrug. i have way more followers than i follow which is why i mentioned i hate when people follow me just bc i'm another writeblr lol. i'd much rather you follow me because you have interest in Me but like, i can't control people frfr.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

yeah! that's why i try to keep who i follow kind of in lower ranges. i have bad memory and it takes me awhile to warm up to people, but when i follow someone its because i want to be friendly and get invested in what they do. so like, i try to do that. i'm not the best but i do try.

[raeygina-george]

Every third remaining ask from the game

ill just answer the whole thing in one. LONG ASS POST GUYS

💖Favourite thing to draw

WAVY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

💯Favourite piece(s)

you get a sneak peek of the art project im working on yay. the perks of putting up with my bullshit <3

some of these i like more than others but as of rn these are the pieces i show people who haven't seen my art. my makeshift portfolio, i guess

🌈Favourite colour palette(s)

i think this is obvious enough if you look at my previous answer, but pinks, oranges, purples, and blues!

🤴Favourite OC(s) to draw

oooh yikes. to DRAW???? i never draw my ocs... i really like kyrie's design but i've never drawn her outside of that so i feel like she'd be really hard to get right..... idk i mean i guess saturn????????

🎨Favourite artist(s)

i dont have a lot of these, but i like hanacue, aidairo, and milkie2's art styles (these r just what i could think of off the top of my head)

✒Favourite medium 

i like gouache cause im a whore bitch

📏Medium you’d like to work with more

gouache because im not typically a traditional artist and every time i sit down to paint i just end up suffering for like an hour before i finally accept the fact that i cannot save this little kitty from its fate of looking like a vaguely animal-shaped blob. such interactions further repel me from the world of traditional art. im taking a painting class soon though so i'll just get my act together then

💭Go-to subject matter

humans?? usually just like. smiling. not doing anything too interesting

💜Drawing staples

i don't know exactly what this means but if it's an art piece of mine, it's got pink in it

💬What you’d like to draw more of

i'd like to draw more like backgrounds and animals? there's a shit ton of stuff i wanna improve with my humans but idk i've been wanting to branch out a bit more for a while i just haven't had the time or energy to draw more than like 1 of my blorbos a month

😂 Funniest drawing

i play tee k o with my family (you) so i draw stuff for that that's silly. WAIT HANG ON

this isn't my funniest drawing but it's what i have

❓Weirdest drawing/drawing with a weird process

im doing an art telephone w my friends that i might post when we're done? i can't post it now cause that would ruin the fun but yeah

🕑Drawing(s) that took the longest

uhhhh i mean earlier in my drawing journey i took forever to draw and i really hated drawing bc i took a super long time to draw and i didn't like anything i made and no one else liked anything i made so it was just like wow i spent all that time for nothing. still glad i did it though bc that era was still an important step in my art development. anyways as for more recent pieces uhh. my piece for the yorknew auction took a while, mostly because i had 0 time or energy and it was a really involved piece

👑Favourite fictional character(s) to draw

as you will see, i really like drawing lust from fmab

👿Least favourite fictional character(s) to draw

i've found out that unfortunately drawing olivier is not very fun for me. so sad cause i really like her

👔Design process for [x] character 

oh my god guys ask me about my magical girl designs and i will go insane i will type up a whole essay. i'll talk about kyrie cause i like her a lot

here's the design! so she drowned (or rather, was drowned by someone else) at 16 after being stalked for a couple months and eventually kidnapped. not exactly the lightest story, but bc it was so traumatic her brain erased the memories, and she doesn't find out the real cause of death until much later in the story, when kye comes across a guy who lived in kyrie's town and gets the full story.

her outfit is themed after ophelia for. obvious reasons. i looked up paintings/common interpretations of ophelia and found that she was commonly depicted in a white and gold dress with reddish-brown hair half up. oh, and flowers. so i ran with that. the white streaks in her hair were actually not part of the initial plan, but when i was using the bucket tool it left blank streaks and i just thought it looked nice.

for the flowers i chose forget-me-nots because she loses her memory, and then the hands on the skirt represent her fight to stay alive (both while drowning and before) and how she reached out for help in the months leading up to her death but no one answered. she's also, in a way, reaching for her lost memories, who she used to be, etc etc. the blue thingy in the back was initially supposed to be a mermaid tail as like. a single callback to the little mermaid (and the fact that she was a really good swimmer, so it's ironic that she drowned), but i took the mermaid aspect out & added in the two eyes.

the eyes are like. the feeling of being watched. the eye at the front will always look at kyrie no matter what, and the eye in the back will look at anyone else it can find, as if pleading for help. i just noticed the bracelet? not sure why that's there. probably just for fun. anyways the ring with the star on it is from a play called 'the princess who had no name', which is about a princess with amnesia who's trying to find out who she is and where she came from.

and finally, the weapon! it's meant to be a sparkler, like the little fireworks yk? it's a callback to the very first draft of her character from like 2 years ago, back when the kyries shared the name lylie instead & i had written absolutely nothing about her character. but i was reading through the old plot/character info a while ago and i found out she apparently really liked fireworks??? that was like my only piece of info about her. i figured since she'd changed so much it was only fair i put a little something from her roots. but the sparkler can also represent how 'bright' she appears to be; people are drawn towards her, for better or worse.

📆Earliest fandom you did fanart for/first fanart

the first fandom i remember like really being hyperfixated on was.... miraculous ladybug................. BUT i didn't make any fanart for it, so instead you get the very first real piece of art i ever made on my computer :)

shoutout to me for drawing those wings by hand. i didn't know how to use the flip tool so i just spent like 4 hours trying to make them symmetrical. and now i can't even remember how to draw butterfly wings. smh

HOLY SHIT WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED. BACK WHEN YOU FIRST SHOWED ME FAIRY TAIL I DREW HAPPY A COUPLE TIMES. I DONT HAVE ANY PICS BUT THAT'S DEFINITELY EARLIER THAN THIS. oh my god and don't even get me started on my warriors phase. wow i guess i've been making fanart since forever lol

📖Sketches 

this post is already too long. no

📝Process for [x] drawing 

my general art process is idea > rough sketch > real sketch > lineart (if applicable) > coloring > rendering > SHADE THE FUCK OUT OF THAT THING > send it to my friends and say 'anything else i should add 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺' > add a little more shading > done. you can ask me for more detailed instructions, i'd be happy to give a more in-depth tutorial about something specific

✨Inspiration for [x] drawing 

uh idk i do a lot of redraws. lately i've been doing redraws + asking friends for cool poses + looking at stock images for inspiration

💚Things you like about [x] drawing

i'll go with that aubrey piece from one of the earliest questions. i like how the emotions came across in both her expression and the coloring, and how much more fluid the pose is. i think the shading & rendering is neat. overall it's a big improvement from the piece i was redrawing so im really proud of that & it's nice to see how far i've come in a relatively short amount of time

⏳Things you’d do differently with [x] drawing

using the same drawing, uhh... idk there's some stuff with the proportions that like. sometimes looks fine to me and sometimes looks off? i really just eyeball anatomy and stuff so it's not always particularly Good. i like the colors i have here but they're not the colors i was intending to use. i didn't really know how to draw the jacket and everything i did with the top just looked strange so they're not As Detailed or 'good' as they probably could be? there's parts where i got lazy and all that but all in all i really like this drawing and nothing big really jumps out at me, these are all just nitpicks

💌Some favourite feedback on art

hmmmmmmm i really like the few like. paragraph responses i've gotten. i appreciate every single comment i get but like when people rave to you about your art???? that's so nice. i can't really pick out a critique i've heard that super super helped me off of the top of my head, but there's power in knowing what you can do better next time

[chaoticcutiewhirl]

Coming from Twitter, speaking of Vent posts that will likely fall into obscurity as I reblog a ton of shit to bury it:

I hate being around my blood, I am at the point where I can't even call them family, they are more or less just people who I am related too and live with, they all just in their own ways make me angry and have their own aspects that each makes me not want to be around them.

My mother is someone who will talk without having much in the way of emotional disonance, she knows it can be burdensome and honestly she is not as bad as others but can be quite... a lot. Her health is bad and she kinda refuses to do much else besides listen to her doctor who is one of those kinds of doctors who wouldn't be helping you much due to the idea that they give the vibe of being the smartest in the room. Besides that factor she is someone who also is a perfectionist, if a single aspect is out of line or has the potential to go wrong, she will star worrying, and that is the reason why I don't come out in being myself, as Avarstia. I feel she would accept me but given how she is, it would likely worsen her health and give her a heart attack.

In contrast my Dad, he has shown when alone he is misogynistic and often someone who is stubborn and insistent on ideas, he is someone who wants things to go his way and he won't get mad if they don't just he will be very... beating around the bush about it. I may be a snake, but he would be in a fable sense, a trickster of sorts, not with the best intentions all the time and mostly wants to exist, and honestly it both feels like I know a lot about him and don't for the fact that I don't know if what i know about him is true, which gives me more anxiety on coming out than others, especially since I have plans for if I were to be kicked out but I feel its plausible from him.

And then you get the one who I worry about most, my sister. She is willing to pry where she is not wanted, she is someone who will try and get involved when she is not wanted, she will try to be the smartest in the room and just try to act like she is the most important person needed in every situation. She acts like she will be the one to solve every problem in the house, she acts like she will be my way out when she is the person who I honestly do not want to live with most. When she doesn't get her way she will belittle and try and break you down once she has familiarity with you and honestly that gets me into another thing:

With the factor that I do not want to live with these people that brings me to the mental turmoil I have been having: After basically a decade and a half of suppressing my emotions for a semblance of safety, I met one of my best friends in the whole wide world and now its hard to hide my genuine emotions and due to that other things are coming about. Some form of derealization or psychosis seems to be setting in because of all of this, its hard to handle myself in this place and I need to leave but I have no where to go yet and I atleast need diagnosis for my lung issues first so I can escape and give a more physical health reason to employers as to why i am sick for basically half the year. And hell the derealization aspect may be more as my brain is basically me hiding under my hot rock as an intense storm is overhead, it feels like there is something beyond the hot rock and all I can do is bide my time, fearing of what is to come even though sometimes they are good vibes in the torrent. I don't know about all of this but I mainly want out... If you want more of an idea of that vent aspect, I made a one off post on my AO3

In other words, I am not in a good state at all rn and have been needing to vent or talk to someone in order to feel like I am able to stay sane atm hahahaaaaaa.

[cepheusgalaxy]

I... I'm working on eight but right now I'm focusing a little on my Salrrh project - steel arm little red riding hood.

The story takes place in a cyperpubk-ish elitist distopia and the protagonist is a trans girl named Amani, who is an amputee and has a hight-tech prosthetic arm. I actually got that idea from a post of someone disabled who was telling their opinion on cyberpunk portrait of disabilities, and how the premise was mostly "oh no losing your humanity because you've got too much tech on your body" and that it wasn't cool that these authors were discussing the "humanity" of ACTUAL people, not fictional beings. And then a second one, about how another person wished sci-fi authors had more... i can't quite remember the word. Whatever, they made a list: "what sci-fi authors think disabled people want" and "what i actually want". The second list included "color-changing cool prosthetic" and SHIT i couldn't get that off of my mind. I also am in a fairy tale mood lately and then one idea just sticked to the other; that's where i am now.

Question for the other ppl:

What do you hate to write, and why?

I also have two Main Projects rn and im answering the question to them below.

Project 1: EIN

This is a random word, and i don't quite have a name for it yet.

Ok, so this is one of my oldest projects, and i remade the plotline and first chapters so many times-

It's a classic normal-kid-ends-up-in-magical-society setting, featuring this trans boy named Kaiki.

The worldbuilding is average, Onemia is a hidden magic country, Kaiki ends up there because he has been Marked and now his magic is waking up and he has to be a mage now - the Marks are used as an iniciation method for young onemians learning magic, but some poltergeist put it on him, unluckly. The plot is quite simple, and the characters are cool.

I like this story very much, actually.

In the beggining, I had many ideas. Like, many many many. I usually didn't write them down, didn't started them, and just daydreamed about writing every single one of them ALL THE TIME.

But then, I don't quite remember why, but i decided to put an end to that: I was going to start a project.

That wasn't Ein yet. Hold on.

I cut off my favorite pieces and parts of most of my projects and them held them together, giving birth to my first actual wip: wotht: war of the human throne. The story featured Zai (nickname for zaire) a trans boy in a magical world. Even then, when I didn't know I was nb, I always liked making trans characters.

Zai lived in a War World. There were many species, each one fighting among each other in order to decide which was The True Human Race.

All these races were slightly human, by our standards, but never fully. This war was never ending, and many species had went extint already, only lefting four.

But there was a place where the war didn't reach: Itarja, an isoled island where many people of diverse species lived together in peace, running away from war. Zaire was an hybrid, and he lived there. Until one day war reaches Itarja, and he, among with plenty of other itarjans have to run away, for the nearest country, where the government accepts to host them, but they get to serve the country. Some itarjans then are put to work, and the ones who are the same race of the predominant on there, went to Military. So did Zaire; whose blood was half like theirs.

I didn't actually write anything for wotht, but this was the first time i started PLOTTING and PLANNING. Eventually, though, more ideas came up, and i was stuck in what to do, because i couldn't decide again. So i decided to cut off everything one more time and make my Ultimate Project.

That would be Ein. Which im still working on. I have only 4 chapters done, i think, and i rewrote them many and many times, but im getting pratice and advice and i think im getting there.

So, that's ein's story: a bunch if ideas i had to write.

Project 2: Snow White

Im not exactly sure of how this one started, or how it became a main wip.

Just as i found out, im not an One And Only Project person. I have more ideas than i want to put in a world, so i started to write them down. Once i finished Ein, i was going to choose some and work on them, but for now i was just taking notes.

Until i decided to write something else. I'm not quite certain why. Maybe it was a prompt I saw, or maybe a movie i watched: however, i decided to write a Snow White version. I had already tried it once when i was little, but i quit. I started writing.

First, it was just a secondary wip. No planning, just vibes, and i worked on it when i felt like.

But then it started to get REALLY cool.

Snow white met her friend June. June was kicked out of home. The evil queen manipuled the king. I started to have so many thoughs on this story, i opened a document to plan it better.

Then i didn't stop.

It's at chapter six now.

OKAY!

WRITEBLRS if you're seeing this, you're legally obligated to reblog with an answer, and then a new question for the next person!

Here's the start:

Which of your OCs is most likely to punch somebody in the face?

[frogtanii]

It’s wind anon! (Imagine me as the screeching seagull meme) just pushing through the week. Getting the test out of my mind—it just sucks because there’s always this one test that I completely mess up on—and as someone who has to deal with all honors classes and my grades tend to be good, every time I fail to meet up to expectations my stress skyrockets. (Imagine a world where grades don’t matter and school is learning based rather than mark based...) Family pressures too—okay, wind anon is done ranting.

The update! The drama—I was there the moment it updated and I saw the comments rush in and I was laughing real hard.

But my reaction to the update!

Osamu POV :0!!! The insecurity... “all it did was remind him that he was alone”— I empathize because gosh, that is so real.

The attachment to Meiko though... his emotional state is on a very unstable tightrope. “Osamu had Meiko and he used to have Daichi and Iwaizumi...” that entire section has all my red flags raised. He’s going to completely break when everything comes out.

The loud clang startled me though. I was like “!!!” But it was our YN! Our kind, wonderful YN!! Trying to get snacks wwwwww.

Osamu thinking YN is cute :0 I be having a lot of thoughts about that but him squishing it down is fair. He considers himself to be in a committed relationship (though Meiko does not reciprocate and I am ready to fight regarding that) but I can respect his devotion (even if it is very misguided).

But. “After all, you were the reason Atsumu hated him now and never spoke to him anymore.” My gosh. What do I even say about this? Because the blame is entirely thrown off. I mean, you mentioned before Atsumu had a specific reason for believing in you over Meiko so I’m still waiting for that but Osamu is thinking something wrong but it’s a human action. It’s so easy to blame people to make yourself feel better. And your brain can do it without you realizing the depths of what has been thought.

Osamu being angry (!!!) and being a complete utter douche. YN literally just wanted a bag of chips and you’re here, crowding them in the pantry and being hostile. I don’t have much to say about it because he realized his mistake but by then he already stressed YN really badly and I am...(long sigh).

Atsumu to the rescue. We appreciate Atsumu very very much in this house. It really sucks that Osamu and Atsumu are confronting like this—I mean, Atsumu has been fighting a bit and Osamu had not really been listening to Atsumu on his own end prior to this confrontation so I’m...exhausted and a bit sad in the “It can’t be helped” kind of way.

“Osamu allowed him to, too in shock and ashamed to protest, much less fight back.” It couldn’t be helped considering how everything developed but...it still hurts my chest a bit, y’know? And then Osamu tries to apologize and I’m ready (so so ready) for them to communicate because they desperately need to—

But then Meiko comes in (I am...ready to throw stuff at her. Lots of stuff. Packing peanuts. All squeaky and annoying and bad for the environment just like she is—or something like that, I dunno, I’m half dead because I’m dealing with cramps rn) and all my wishes for them to finally have that much needed conversation where Osamu can finally break down and cry—all my wishes are turned to ash like.

(Angry Wind anon noises)

Meiko rubbing her makeup all over Osamu’s shirt like he is a rag. What in the... And her 4 inch heels please, I cannot, why, I can’t deal with this, I can’t, don’t make me get close to her because I’m like Yachi (stressed out of my mind). Please don’t do this to me. But yeah, Meiko with her poor makeup that doesn’t stay on her face. What the heck....

And Meiko’s scent... gross. Like, brown sugar, cute, nice, baked goods do smell really nice, (ever add a bunch of vanilla extract to a recipe? It like, perfumes around everywhere, it’s insane and wonderful) but chances are (because it’s Meiko), it’s overbearingly sweet. Chinese food (I do not trust her taste in Chinese food to be frank), I happen to come from a Chinese family, I have Chinese food for dinner like everyday, it would take a lot to be able to get that sort of scent on you. And I do mean a lot. And hairspray??? Chemical? I do not,,, I,,, Osamu, why would you breathe that in? It’s gonna be real bad for your lungs? And we already know Meiko smokes as well—your lung health, please value it—

And then the Suna entrance. Wonderfully done fr0ggy!

Final thoughts, I am very much projecting onto Yachi rn. Yachi has been in the house for less than a week and she already has to deal with this. The company should give her a raise. My gosh.

Anyway, might as well do a thoughts/headcanon thing because it’s been a while and my mind is still on gem/jewel stuff (so hope you don’t mind!)

Okay, so Kenma I think would go with a warm colored gemstone, and citrine would work well with him! “Protection against evil thoughts” because we know Meiko has ramped up is insecurity and lowered his self-esteem.

I mentioned this before last time but Sakusa is definitely onyx. That black is iconic, and “sharpening wit” would make sense with his grace for word play and snark.

Akaashi is an interesting one...I think sapphire. I mean, sapphire can have many colors besides the classic dark blue, so that’s one thing, but it’s known for “loyalty and a pledge of trust” which Akaashi gave. I think it’s suitable for him.

Suga...initially I was thinking pearl would match him in terms of appearance, but actually looking at my reference, turquoise would work really really well with him. “Protect from evil, maintain virtue, bring good luck”. Would work well.

For Atsumu and Osamu I wanted something that could represent their duality. My first thought was gold and silver. I mean, it’d fit in terms of appearance but I’m not sure that would be the best comparison. Gold doesn’t rust so it fits Atsumu who never fell for Meiko’s tricks. Silver has been said to vanquish dark/evil beings (vampires, werewolves, the classic silver bullets and stakes). It would be interesting to see if the comparison will apply to today’s update :D!

I like how my brain shut off and couldn’t remember anyone else for a second—anyway, Oikawa... every time I think of him, I want some hue of blue wwww. I guess Aquamarine “soothing influence” would work. Since he joined YN’s side, he has been able to see the big picture and be a voice of reason. He’s thoughtful and I think aquamarine which encourages long relationships is suitable because that is what he wanted. So yes, aquamarine.

Bokuto...is a tough one. I’m trying to still keep with their color schemes a bit. I think carnelian would work. “Health, luck, bold energy, warmth, joy”—it would represent him fine. It’s a bit more orange than I would prefer but it suits him so I think it’s okay.

Iwaizumi... emerald? I mean, he does suit green tones, and “rebirth, regeneration, new hope” would work just fine for him.

Right now my brain is complete mush and I can’t think of anything for Kuroo and Daichi. Like, Kuroo would be red, sure, but the more famous ruby/garnet I think don’t represent him fully because he is still rather contained. Hmm, would need to think about them more.

But I’d like your thoughts on this too :D!!

I wanna do something suitable for all colors for YN, so opal! YN has many different parts and colors and is overall a very vivid person—if you tilt opal, you see more and more faces and things underneath being brought into your eyes. YN may be seen from many different perspectives, but YN is always beautiful and amazing. So opal is what I think YN would be.

Anyway, I’ll end here :D! Need to eat lunch. Much love towards you fr0ggy! Make sure you eat and rest up too~ drink some water or any other fluid to hydrate! And keep warm too. Much love to all the fans and supporters and ask senders too! It’s really awesome seeing and hearing from all of you and seeing new faces with the old. Love the excitement and points you all bring up—makes my brain happy.

MAJDKD I NEED TO POST THE NEW CHAPTER BUT I HAD TO RESPOND TO THIS FIRST BESTIE ILY N I LOVE TUIS — I AM OBSESSED W THE CRYSTAL (??) STUFF??? IVE NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT BUT I THINK YOIVE EXPLAINED EACH GEM N WHY SO BEAUTIFULLY I AM IN LOVE W U KITH KITH UR SO LOVELY HAVE AN AMAZING DAY (sending u good vibes n anti-stress love >333)

[lumilasi]

I saw this in my feed and since I was pretty bored and FINALLY free from the said boredom, figured I could do this one. I generally enjoy question based tags, especially if they relate to art/writing/fandom/are some general things about favorite colors, music, foods, things about your home country etc.

(basically, you can tag me in stuff similar to listed above things and I’ll probably do them if I see them/have time lmao)

Fic Writer Questions!

How many works do you have on AO3? 

44 total. I used to have more but I’ve deleted an old Bleach one I knew I’d never continue to write, and two bnha ones for the same reason (those two were also at the very beginning stages so nobody missed a lot anyway)

What's your total AO3 wordcount? 

4 269 068......wow. It’s even MORE than I even imagined. Over 4 million words. 

....Someone take my writing tools away from me lmao

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

 Three. I started with MCU, moved on to Bleach and now I’ve done most ofr BNHA

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

Crossroads - 3069 

Family Secrets - 3015 

Reanimate - 1534 

The neighbor - 809 

Espada and Fraccion - 782

.....Admittedly this list surprised me. Not the first three but the last two. The fifth is an one shot for Bleach that I wrote AGES ago. I also for some reason expected this list to match the bookmark list more lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I always try to respond to every comment I get, but often times when it’s just one word or a heart emoji I don’t really know what to say, so I might not reply to those. I do appreciate every comment I get, and read every single one, even if I don’t respond

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? 

I don’t do angst endings typically, but Family Secrets is probs the most obvious choice, given what happens at the end. 

- and its not even the real end, because I couldn’t help myself and made two more stories for the AU that was like “hey! this character I made you all love so much actually DIDN’T die, he just had unfinished business back home” lmao

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've ever written? 

Rarely, typically they’re between my own fics (the story that crosses the paths of Crossroads and Family Secrets AU’s, literally titled Crossover, creative name I know OTL I was out of ideas) 

Or between me and other people’s fics. Currently there’s two, both with Crossroads: one with Theteapotofdoom’s fic Something Good, and another with leontheneon’s fic Here with you. Both stories are basically a two part series that is non canon to actual Crossroads. The first story is finished, second one has two chapters left...that...I uh...struggle to write it seems OTL

(not tagging either person into this because Tea is very busy IRL right now so I don’t want to bother her, and Leon hasn’t been around in ages, IDK if they even use tumblr anymore)

Have you ever received hate on a fic? 

Not really no? I can only remember one time with somebody kind of demanding me to completely rewrite one fic in the past. It wasn’t really hate, more just...kinda unreasonable in my eyes? This was years ago by now.

While I did understand their side and the particular struggle they had (once they actually explained it, the first comment at the time came off pretty rude and demanding), I still feel them wanting me to re-write an entire multi-chapter fic just for them is a bit unreasonable, like said.

Like it wasn’t just couple of grammatical errors that was their issue, we’re talking weeks and even months long process of completely reworking multi-chapter story, because the grammar wasn’t tip top perfect. (I’m not a native speaker so there’s bound to be some mistakes; pointing out small occasional things is one thing - asking me to rewrite an entire multi-chapter story is another)

You can imagine that is not exactly high on my priorities list with IRL responsibilities and being more focused on the actual content of what I write, the ongoing stories I’m updating. This fic isn’t even finished yet either, so...yeah. Like after they explained their side of the story I was a bit more understanding, but its still....a bit ridiculous and unreasonable in my eyes to ask somebody to do such a massive overhaul when the story isn’t even finished yet?? Like maybe once its done and I have time I can go and edit it, but not when I haven’t even finished it lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Nah. I don’t care about smut a whole lot personally. I much more enjoy writing emotional scenes, character interactions and mystery. Plot over porn basically lmao 

Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

I don’t...do people actually do this? It feels like such a weird and pointless thing to do. It’s fanfic. stuff you write for fun and for free, for people to read for free. I’d also imagine its pretty easy to get caught given AO3 shows when you first posted your story. 

Have you ever had a fic translated?

 Yes, a couple of times. In Russian and I think other one was Chinese?

Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

Writing the crossovers was kinda that? Like I asked feedback from Tea and Leon on how to write them. there was also actually third crossover story that was supposed to happen (only I wasn’t going to be the one to write it) but this project has been shelved as the other person had to drop majority of online activity due to some IRL health related things. (I’m just glad they recently contacted me to inform they were doing better)

What’s your all time favorite ship? 

Right now it’s..probably pretty obvious its Shigadabi, but I can never really say any ship is my all time fave, as it always changes depending on the fandom lmao. 

I guess my favorite character x proper sleep/emotional stability/happiness will always be the OTP

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Oof. I always try to finish every single one, and if I absolutely know I won’t, I tend to just delete them. Thankfully I’ve only done it thrice. Which I guess is still a lot, but compared to how much I write, in context not really? 

What are your writing strengths?

From what I’ve gathered of feedback, its typically emotional moments/character dialogue and interaction/character arcs and so. Mystery plots too. Or maybe that last one is just me lmao

What are your writing weakness?

Personally, while I tend to get positive feedback on both, sometimes I feel like I struggle to choose a good pacing for a fic, and fight scenes are always a pain. Namely, I might struggle with making the pace too long-winded and slow sometimes. Ironically, my IRL update pacing is probs a bit too fast in turn. (To add another layer of irony, I got an update ready for Unravel that I’ll post after making this tag)

Also writing shorter stories. I’ve been trying to write one-shots more (like the Spinaraki series thing) to kinda try and get myself to pack up my stories better and not let them always spiral out of control haha

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I did try to do that once with a fic I deleted, I had a native speaker help me with the canadian french bits. This person is no longer active on tumblr, and I deleted that fic because I realized I’d never finish it. 

Technically tho, as a non-native English speaker, EVERY word is in other language to me lmao. I could only add Finnish as an extra one easily, and it rarely makes sense to do so anyway.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for? 

MCU. It’s what I originally made my AO3 for, as I felt brave enough to post things. I also can’t remember writing fandom related stuff before that, it was typically more oc related. Writing fics has helped me learn a lot about world-building, character consistency and all that stuff, without having to make everything from scratch (tho I do enjoy doing that as well of course). I feel like my original work writing has improved too thanks to my fic writing shenanigans in a way lmao. Tho that might just be me, IDK

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? 

Oooof. This changes a lot depending on the time. I can never really pick just one either: my current favorites are Stringmaster, The neighbor and Family Secrets

Stringmaster because I love building the Steampunk AU, and Tomura’s relationship with Dabi and his Sensei, The neighbor because I personally think the romance build up in that one is probably one of the best I’ve done so far (the character dialogue in that is among my favorites I’ve written as well) and FS, because it taught me a lot about character building through writing a character like Hisashi.

 Plus I just really like Hisashi. 

And baby Izuku and little Tenko are super adorable. 

And Inko is the best mum.

 Also the fact the whole story is so ironic in a sense its still kinda funny to me. 

The only writer I know that might be around rn is @nightlilly0110 soo...I guess I’ll tag them if they want to do this! Anybody who’s a writer can snatch this too of course ;)

[1smolbean]

ok rant (? started out as a rant but descended into chaos) time

no but I find it absolutely fucking hilarious that my parents are like "oh just move on from your trauma" and then don't tell me how to do that, trigger me even when I've told them about my triggers, make me talk to people that trigger me, and make me go to places that trigger me. like...ya think maybe, just maybe, that, idk, I might have trouble moving on from those events if I have to relive them all the time? and I've explained it to them but they just refuse to understand it and they don't understand the word "no" either and I just,,,find this the funniest thing ever cause like they don't fucking understand! they don't! and I've told them but they refuse to! and I'm laughing this is so funny they refuse to understand

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING I'M SORRY THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE THEY REFUSE TO UNDERSTAND IT AND I,,,,,I JUST JKDJFKDLSJFLDKJFD THEY REFUSE TO GET IT AND THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER THEY REFUSE TO HELP THEIR CHILD LIVE A HAPPY LIFE

what kind of parent does that? a shitty one. they're the most hypocritical people I've ever met cause THEY'VE moved on from their trauma and they respect each other's triggers and my brother's triggers but like,,,not mine and why? CAUSE THEY'RE BAD AT THEIR JOB. THEY'RE BAD PARENTS and I'm literally laughing so hard this is so funny to me and my mother has said before that she is proud of me for not skipping school because she assumed I would but she's proud that I haven't. like,,,,wow okay I literally have no reason whatsoever to skip school though??? why would you assume that? and idk I just find it hilarious that my mother both expects me to get an A+ on every subject and also skip school. like bitch excuse me? that's...HHJFDHSFKHFDSKH THAT'S FUNNY IT'S FUNNY THIS IS FUNNY. I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY SORRY THIS IS HILARIOUS TO ME AND I WROTE OUT A WHOLE GODDAMN RANT ABOUT THIS BUT IT'S JUST THREE PARAGRAPHS OF ME BEING LIKE "MY PARENTS' HORRIBLE TREATMENT OF ME IS FUNNY" AND LIKE...IT IS THOUGH!

I feel like Alvar Vacker and Winter Schnee right now. like I just,,,this is so funny but I also want to stab something right now. is this normal? I don't think this is normal. I should talk to a therapist or doctor but I'm my own therapist and everybody else's too and idk it just seems...wrong to burden people with MY problems when they have their own. i should stop telling people when I'm sad, they don't need that. No, no but they care. why do they, though? my parents "care." they yell at me, say I'm not enough, tell me it's hard to take care of me, but they care. I guess. i think they care. caring is bad. caring for someone is bad. i shouldn't...i shouldn't trust people, because trust gets you hurt. and i hate being hurt. and i shouldn't care about people. i shouldn't care. do i even care? did i ever care? yes. but i won't anymore.

I have gone back to wishing I could acquaint a ridgdly edged object fundamentally used in the construction of walls with my biological father's facial structure. (translation: ok nvm I wanna hit my dad in the face with a brick)

maybe if you didn't yell at me i wouldn't listen to music so loudly. father

father (derogatory)

i am going to lie down on the floor and listen to Special Girl by dodie until i die

i'm the eldest daughter but I'm not a daughter i'm a son but my parents don't care

i feel nothing but the crushing weight of responsibility on my shoulders

I believe I need a counselor, or therapist, or- no, I have one already, I'm my own therapist

I can deal with this on my own

hey mother when you look through my tumblr and read this PLEASE GET ME SOME ANTIDEPRESSANTS OR ADHD MEDS IM NOT DOING TOO GOOD

the powerpuff girls reboot script made me speedrun the five stages of grief I hate it so much

cats opening partially closed doors with their FACES is wild and I love it

I want more soda.

everything hurts and I'm dying

Okay so what the hell happened here Nina please get yourself into shape you need to figure out why you did a 180 from being sad to being angry to being sad to being angry and also that gender can fluid you really be switching from "gender is for mortals" to "none gender left boy" with your emotions too

this picture of Winter Schnee perfectly encapsulates my mood right now

im in pain everybody! were in pain! specifically in my chest! what the hell is happening with my lungs

nevermind we're good now

YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO HURT THE WAY YOU KNOW THAT I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I FEEL LIKE I'LL BE OKAY AND I HOPE I CAN JUST MAINTAIN IT I WILL NOT LET MYSELF BECOME MY PROBLEM

AND I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE DAY YOU SAVE ME FROM MYSELF 'CAUSE I CAN'T HELP THE WAY I FEEL FOR YOU FOR YOU

AND WRITE IN EVERY SPACE THE WORDS "I LOVE YOU" IN REPLACE THEN MAYBE TIME WOULD NOT ERASE MEEEEE IF YOU COULD ONLY KNOW I'D NEVER LET YOU GOOOO AND THE WORDS I MOST REGRET ARE THE ONES I NEVER MEANT TO LEEEEEEAAAAVEEEEEEEE UNSAID EMILYYYYYYYYYY

*muffled sobbing*

it's projecting onto fictional characters with trauma hours everybody

DO OR DIE YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME BECAUSE THE WORLD WILL NEVER TAKE MY HEART GO AND TRY YOU'LL NEVER MAKE ME WE WANT IT ALL WE WANNA PLAY THIS PARY I WON'T EXPLAIN OR SAY I'M SORRY I'M UNASHAMED I'M GONNA SHOE MY SCARS GIVE A CHEAR FOR ALL THE BROKEN LISTEN HERE BECAUSE IT'S WHO WE ARE

hey remember that "fuck therapy I'm becoming a knight" post I spam reblogged yeah that's my current mood rn

anyway that concludes round one of my annual mental breakdown don't worry I'll be back in approximately five minutes after drinking an entire bottle of soda

[psychologeek]

hi, thank you!

I have some questions\thoughts\etc - I may not use proper nammes\words, so please correct me (I'm not EFL nor USAmericam)

A) Native American - I understood it more as an umbrella term, like "Asian" (or Eda, which is sort of "part of a group that has in general some things similar, but also very different from each other - I mean, Yemeni Jews and Persian Jews are both Mizrahi, but very different). So like, an Ojibwe person might consider themselves Indigenous of the Northeastern Woodlands, but identify as "native American" or "Indigenous" or "first nation".

Am I seeing it correctly?

B) You say yourself that you base it on USAmerican experience - but you can't always project that experience on very different situations. Saying "Jews aren't indigenous" ignores the Arab colonialism, and the long history of anti-Jewish discrimination. Also, ignorinf the existence of Jewish communities before Jabotinski et al.

Those who pushed for a nation-state did it due to discrimination and persecution. Hertzel came to his understanding after the Dreyfus trial. So much of the immigration from Ukraine and eastern Europe was due to the many pogroms and continuos anti-Jewish rules (May rules, Sufot Banegev).

C) Yet, people only focus on Israel

D) Your post is very focused on USA. Which I understand, but it's also a VERY DIFFERENT situation. When Spanish and German and Portuguese and Dutch and British people came to America, they didn't find their writings in their language. They didn't pray for years to return there. They didn't have a long, bleeding history of being cast out of this land and murdered and enslaved.

E) This is part of the reason I say it's so so important to define the terms we're using.

Because "antizionism tends to be about undoing the systems / structures of settler colonialism" can mean 2-states solution and can mean telling every jew "go back to where you came from" (which, as for September 23, 80% of Israeli Jews were born in Israel.)

And I think the reason so many consider it antisemitism, is that it's completely inproportional to.... well, everything else.

There's no discussion about France, or Belgium, Or Saudi Arabia, or Jordan. No one talks about other wars and crises in the world as much as they are so busy about Israel.

The amount of hate Israel gets (as existence, as a country - not the government or politics.) The amount of-

(I'm sorry I struggle to find the proper words. I just see what it looks like outside. I see how people talk about hiding\proudly showing their Jewish features and wearings. I see how there's 0 discussion about the Jewish refugees from MENA countries. I see how they are all forgotten, and undiscussed.

I saw the celebrations in October.

I saw the glory and international fame of the man who took the photo of murdered Shani Louk. )

And this whole discussion is great, on the intellectual base, but it keeps ignoring MENA jews.

And it keeps ignoring that Jews have always lived in Israel. In Tiberias and Jerusalem and Zfad (and Hebron and Gaza, until 1929)

I think I have more to say, but I struggle rn.

(I'm sorry if things are incoherent. Mind not work enough to look again.)

Hi! I saw your tags on unlearning zionism and I was wondering if you've ever spoken about that/the kind of processing you had to do? I think it's... Interesting (for lack of a better word) how this is a sentiment I've seen reflected on pretty much all explicitly non-zionist Jewish blogs I follow, and how much that reflects both how closely entwined the concept and Jewishness has become and the fierce zionism in some people.

Obviously you're free to not discuss this at all, I also understand it's deeply personal. (I'm also not intending to make anyone change their mind, I believe this is a process Jewish people should be afforded on their own terms; I'm really just trying to understand where they're coming from). ♥️

The tl;dr was through talking to people, breaking my rigidities, and being lucky enough to encounter people who were kind, committed to dialogue, and not dismissive.

Longer version under the cut.

In winter 2019 I started dating a non-zionist, so a lot of the early stuff was through conversations with them.

Here are the specific things I recall through them:

They validated my experience of having felt traumatized by a negative experience I had at a protest. I felt very on the defense, and dismissed, as a zionist who wanted to be in leftist spaces and they validated that. I don't know if they were faking it or not, but it felt real, and being heard and not dismissed was super important to building trust and safety. Ultimately, building trust and safety was the most important thing.

They would sometimes patiently poke holes in things I said. Matter of factly, not confrontationally. For example, once I said I didn't like the separation wall dividing Israel proper from the West Bank but that it was necessary to prevent terrorist attacks, and they were like "no, that wasn't the wall, it was a change in PA policy." Another time I was like "I don't understand [West Bank] settlers, if they want to be pioneers and settle more land they should settle the Negev, where they're not encroaching on Palestinians!" and they explained to me more about the situation between Israel and Bedouins and how that actually still would involve encroaching/displacement.

They're very religious, and so they had the tools to poke into my "but just open a siddur! you can see all the references to returning to Jerusalem!" and discuss how that differed from and predated zionism the political ideology. They were able to break through my dismissiveness/derision of Chareidi antizionism and help me understand that it has legitimate religious underpinnings. (They're not Chareidi though.) They affirmed for me that they do feel connected to Eretz Yisrael and they love Eretz Yisrael.

They also explained that indigenous doesn't mean "from a place" but rather describes a relationship to colonialism. It still didn't totally click for me, and they and I have both since come to understand that there are a lot of definitions of indigenous, but what it did help me understand was that when people push back against "Jews are indigenous to EY" they're not always trying to say we're not from there.

In general it helped me break down what I thought an antizionist was. I thought that an antizionist was someone who didn't think Jews had a meaningful spiritual and communal connection to EY, thought we weren't from there, didn't give a shit if all Israeli Jews ended up pushed into the sea, hadn't opened a siddur to see references to return to Jerusalem, etc. I was also pretty rigid in my thinking and had collected a bunch of talking points, mostly that I'd co-created with other members of Jewbook (Jewish facebook). They helped me break out of that rigidity and once I'd done that I was open to learning more.

What happened next is that in fall 2019 is I did a fellowship that, while unrelated to the topic, put me in contact with other Jewish antizionists.

There was one person whose project we visited during an outing on the fellowship, who had discussed their project's antizionism. I was bothered by it and asked them one question: Did they feel Jews were connected to Eretz Yisrael? Did they feel connected to Eretz Yisrael? They responded yes of course.

Another person was my roommate on the fellowship, a leftist antizionist Syrian Jew. For a while one of my sticking points had been Mizrahi support of Zionism -- my thought process here had a few pieces. One, it seemed like white privilege to go against what most Israeli Jews of color believed and wanted. Another was that I felt that a lot of antizionists were dismissive of and racist towards Mizrahim and don't understand or care to understand their needs, history, or motivations (I do still think that's true). I also saw the expulsions from SWANA and the fact that Israel took in the SWANA Jewish refugees as proof of the necessity of Zionism.

So, I think that interacting with a Mizrahi antizionist both taught me expanded perspectives on the issue, and taught me that it's possible to be antizionist and still in solidarity with Mizrahim. I learned more nuance, for example around Israel's taking in of the refugees; I knew they had been mistreated, but I think it helped me connect the dots about what that meant about the entire Zionist project. That was also the year A-WA's album Bayti fi Rasi came out, and when I listened to Hana Mash Hu Al Yaman, I think that's when it clicked for me that Israel taking them in was not some sort of miracle or blessing in disguise but rather a last resort for people who did not want to go but had no choice. The main characters in that song wanted to stay in Yemen which is I think something that hadn't clicked for me before. That may not be the majority Mizrahi perspective but it is a perspective and one I hadn't previously considered.

By the same token, my partner at the time (the one I talked about at the beginning of the post) was raised as a Yiddish speaker, and we talked about Yiddish suppression during the early days of the state, as well as Ben Yehuda's disdain for Yiddish, and the general early Zionist disdain for Eastern European Jewry and "old world" Jewish culture. I was already aware of the New Jew concept (the idea that the old Jew was studious and unathletic, but we should put that behind us to become strong and agricultural). They helped me frame this in terms of antisemitism, connecting it to the vitriol Chassidim receive from other Jews, antisemitism directed towards Jewish men and the ways it's about gender and goyish and Jewish constructions of masculinity, anti-circ rhetoric that depends on the Hellenistic idea of the body as perfection, and Naomi Klein's analysis of the dislike of Yiddish by Ben Yehuda et al as sexist due to their association of it as "feminine" and therefore lesser.

We also talked about the ways that Zionism devalues diaspora culture. I definitely see this in the ways that eg Jewbook zionists used to see the Ashkenazi past in Eastern Europe as simply a time of pogroms and violence with nothing generative or valuable. It seems that zionism posits Israel and Israeli culture as the "right" or "completed" version of Judaism, and discourages us from mourning the loss of culture we experienced during the Holocaust and our subsequent exodus.

I think there is nuance here; there are Israeli Yiddishists, there are people practicing all kinds of diaspora Jewish cultures in Israel, etc. I think this is a case where antizionists take something real and over emphasize it to sound bigger and more harmful than it is. It's not Israel's fault that European Jewry got destroyed and it's not Israel's fault that A-WA's family had to leave Yemen. Sometimes it feels like antizionist project those harms onto Israel and Zionism.

At the same time though, there is a kernel of truth in the way at least that many North American zionists view Ashkenazi culture, thought I can't say how much of that is their Zionism and how much is the legacy of American assimilationism (even among religious Jews).

In any case, 2020 is when I started on my journey to deepen my understanding of old world Ashkenazi culture and history. I started with a day spent in the kids' section of the Yiddish Book Center using the beginner education resources there to start teaching myself Yiddish (I had a lot of familiarity because my extended family speaks it, but I didn't yet). About half a second later the pandemic started, and the chaos from that took all my attention for a while, but by the end of the summer I did a deep dive on my genealogy and spent two weeks tracking down documents and names and towns. At that point my family history was no longer abstract, and I started wondering more about what their lives were like in the old country.

I started watching Yiddish plays on zoom, including a production of the Dybbuk that I fell in love with. I got involved in the shtetlcore movement, which was a social media aesthetic fad that was basically the shtetl version of cottagecore. That spring the duolingo Yiddish course came out and I did a six month streak. The following winter I went to a virtual Yiddish conference. I went again two more times in person, and last summer I went to a week-long retreat where we were only allowed to speak Yiddish. I also do Yiddish drag and burlesque.

With this emphasis and knowledge it's hard for me to accept any framing that the only "right" place for Jews to live is Israel, or that diaspora cultures are lesser-than. At some point I encountered a belief among some zionists (though I don't think most believe this) that the Jewish people's differentiation into a myriad of different cultures was a bad thing, and constituted negatively picking up pieces of non-Jewish culture, and that it's good we're back together in Israel so we can become just one culture again. I obviously strongly disagree and I while I wish we had not had to experience the trauma of Khorban Beis Hamikdash and the ensuing displacement, I think the variety of different cultures we split into is beautiful.

Ironically, Israel is actually a place of great cultural exchange between those cultures. And yes, I do worry there will be cultural loss if everything blends together melting pot style, but that's more of a function of how societies work as opposed to official state policy. And I also think the Jewish subcultures will endure. Also the cultural loss is the fault of the Holocaust, the Soviet Union, and nationalist SWANA countries way way more than it is Israel's.

At this point I've come to view the idea that Zionism is detrimental to Jewish culture as weak, but I still am not a Zionist, and that's because the issue with Zionism is not that it harms Jews but that it harms Palestinians.

In early summer 2020, I, along with many other white people were called to reckon with the realities of white supremacy in the US, and our part in it, far more deeply than we had before. I learned to understand how racism functions as a pillar of the US's underpinnings, how white supremacy morphs to sustain itself, how I as an individual and Jews as a group were being used to maintain white supremacy. It fundamentally shifted how I view these topics and how I understand the way that states function.

It was impossible not to apply these concepts to Israel-Palestine. While it is obviously not a one-to-one comparison and I am frustrated with folks who seem to think it is, the concepts and analyses I learned in June 2020 were very elucidating in understanding Israel as a state, and how white supremacy and Jewish supremacy operate in Israel-Palestine.

One of those concepts is a deeper understanding of power dynamics and the oppressed-oppressor relationship. While that is not the be-all end-all, and it is still possible for an oppressed group to do harm and commit war crimes (as they did on Oct 7), it helped me understand the ways it makes no sense to view Palestinians and Israelis as equal parties or to view Palestinians as "the aggressor" as many zionists do. Riots are the language of the unheard and, yes, so is violence. Do not imagine that I excuse, condone, or celebrate Oct 7, but I understand why it happened.

These past seven months have forced a magnifying glass on Israel-Palestine and I have spent a lot of time thinking and talking about it. I have had many experiences and interactions that have illuminated different things to me, but I'll leave you with this one.

In 1956, a young man named Ro'i Rothberg was killed in Kibbutz Nahal Oz by Palestinians who lived in Gaza. Moshe Dayan came to give a eulogy and in it, he said:

Why should we declare their burning hatred for us? For eight years they have been sitting in the refugee camps in Gaza, and before their eyes we have been transforming the lands and the villages, where they and their fathers dwelt, into our estate.

Which is to say, he is stating point blank that the Nakba happened, and that Nahal Oz -- and in fact Israel -- is built on land that had been farmed and inhabited by Palestinians. The hasbarist canard of "we didn't steal their land" falls away when Moshe Dayan himself admits it, doesn't it?

He is acknowledging, also, that he understands why the people of Gaza are enraged, and why some of them express this rage as violence. He gives his solution: That the Israeli people, and especially the people of Nahal Oz, must always be on their guard. Must never become peaceniks and forget the rage of the people of Gaza. He says "we are a generation that settles the land and without the steel helmet and the cannon's maw, we will not be able to plant a tree and build a home."

His vision is of an Israel that is always militarized and militant, always on its guard, never to know peace. A people who will send their children to the army generation after generation after generation. Never to rest. Never to be able to lower their guard.

And that is awful! Not just for Palestinians, but for Israelis! Dayan lays out here that if the Nakba is not redressed, this will continue forever. He wants it to continue forever; I want the Nakba redressed.

He knew Nahal Oz would be attacked again. And he was right. On the morning of Simchat Torah of this year, 5784, twelve residents of the kibbutz were brutally murdered. A family that my family knows hid there in their bomb shelter for ten hours with their small children until they were rescued. The kibbutz was destroyed.

And Moshe Dayan knew it would happen, all the way back in 1956. And yet did nothing to change our trajectory. I cannot forgive him that.

In the months since the destruction of Nahal Oz, we have seen Gaza pummeled with a terrifying vengeance. For years I have encountered, albeit few and far between, people who have clammored for Gaza to be "turned into a parking lot." I was horrified by them, but did not take seriously the threat they represented. Yet now, their genocidal flowers have borne fruit. Gaza lies in ruins. 60% of the roads and infrastructure are destroyed. The descendants of refugees are refugees again, chased from their homes by the descendants of refugees. The live in tents, they scrabble for water and food. They live under threat of bombing, or being shot, or dying of illness and malnutrition.

And still Nahal Oz remains destroyed. The Jewish dead of Europe remain dead. The synagogues of Tunis and Algiers remain empty. Nothing is fixed, only more and more broken.

Is it to continue this way? Is this the world we want?

I say no. I say another world is possible. And on a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.

[ziracona]

Ok so I don’t know how but it took you spelling out Phil and Vigo’s relationship and now it’s all I’ve been able to think about because?? The tragedy of it all??? And I was just wondering if you had any extra info about their relationship that you’d be willing to share? Cause honestly it sounds simultaneously so cute and so heart-wrenching and I am HERE for it. For real, every time I learn something new about the world of ILM I love it even more, thank you so much for that piece of perfection!

Oh absolutely!

I am very tempted to start posting the chunks of Signifying Nothing I already have but I am simultaneously like “But you know you’d have to update slower rn” and so I keep balking, especially since I am writing New Dawn Fades too rn :’-] — We shall see. Anway! I am sorry it took so long to answer this I had a massive project I only finally finished this afternoon (I’m dying), but I have been very excited abt this because I adore Vigo so much!

Ahhh Vigo and Philip. They really said “Sooo...enemies to lovers speedrun?” And then did so fast they claimed a new high score.

I am not sure what specifically you’d like to know about (feel free to ask specifics if there are some! :D ) so I am just gonna throw out some random facts.

Vigo is from Norway, in the 1910s-30s originally. Philip from Nigeria in the 1960s-1970s, then Wisocnsin in the early 80s, so while they’re both gay men, it was never safe for either of them to be out. They also lived in fairly isolated places and were the only people like themselves they knew. This lead to them, once they were already traveling together in the realm for other reasons, having the most awkward flirting style. You know that “Bro, it’s just a dream”—“*nervously* Yeah I’m not gay, I wouldn’t fuck you”—“...You wouldn’t? :’ (“ “...I mean, unless you wanted to.” Vine? Both of them trying to figure out if the other likes men and/or them. They both think they can be subtle. They can’t. Just the other one is so fucking paranoid and anxious about this whole sitch the net effect is the same.

They are both fools who follow their gut instincts irrationally, but this worked out really well for them because if they weren’t the both would have killed the other during their first two real interactions.

They are super in love. They were so in love that even after ILM, when Vigo is both dead and someone Philip can’t even remember, he is still in love with him so much that he’s going to spend the rest of his life with him, whether that means trying to find a way to the realm again and the void just in case, or simply living how Vigo died in the hopes he’d get to, and spending quiet days talking to his ghost.

Vigo’s original character goal and life purpose on Signifying Nothing is the take the Entity down/beat it and to save everyone in the realm. Philip’s original character goal is to simply be allowed to live an okay life where the violence stops and he neither hurts nor is hurt by others, and maybe is happy sometimes—he just wants to be a decent man. Vigo dies and fails to obtain his own goal utterly, and basically achieves the opposite, as does Philip. Extremely cruelly. In In Living Memory, or rather, In Living Memory itself, is a manuscript Vigo puts together as a husk in the void, memorializing the events in the realm, and fulfilling Philip’s goal for him—carving into reality the truth he is a decent man who just wanted to not hurt or be heart, and giving immportal remembered meaning to that. As well as recording his eventual happiness with his new family. It ends once Vigo’s goals are assured (Philip is really going to be both happy and alright), and his connection to them outside the realm is failing and he won’t be able to observe anymore. Similarly, Philip throws away his own goals and future, and completes Vigo’s character arc for him, sacrificing himself in Memento Mori to achieve Vigo’s goal—beating the Entity and saving everyone in the realm—for him in his stead. A grand fate far beyond what Philip would have picked for himself.

But in the end, they both achieve the others’ life goal for them, since they could not do it themselves, and in doing so, kind of fulfil their own. Philip gives up everything to fight and win, and in doing so, finds a happy life to go home to. Vigo records Philip’s journey and everyone else’s and in doing so becomes the direct inspiration and motivation for the eventual escape of everyone in the realm. So. In simple terms. In loving Philip, Vigo does find a way to save everyone after all. And in loving Vigo, Philip finds life as a good man who many days gets to be happy.

I am gonna go cry now.

Uhhhhh what else. I’m really tempted to kinkshame Vigo but I’m not gonna do it right now. I will say his dumb ass spent like a whole week with Philip, who was armed with his sickle and not pretending not to be a killer, just conpletely obliviously believing him to be a rando, because Vigo has a great mind but only if the focus setting is switched on and sadly he does not control the focus choices.

Philip is much taller than Vigo because he’s seven feet tall and Vigo is Norwegian so he keeps trying to convince me he’s “no no actually 5’12””, but I am 99% sure that’s a lie and he’s actually 5’9”.

Vigo is a terrifyingly good fighter. He conjours things out of the fog really well. His main item is a summonded like made from light drum because he came here trying to function as a noadi to help the people captured by an evil spirit. It looks like a shield bc of the size and shape, so most people assume it is, and that was kind of meant to be its purpose, but it gets used as an offensive weapon waaay more (I mean, he’s here to fight spiritual warfare what do you epect from the man?). Philip, who runs around with a scythe, like, the most death-lookin weapon of all, uses his sickle for primarily defense/as a shield. This makes them very funny to watch but also extremely formidable as a tag-team in battle.

Even though Norwegian is not a super affectionate langaube interestingly, and kind of the opposite, Vigo is a very quickly affectionate person by nature and is very liberal with the terms of endearment. This used to annoy Alex and Benedict, but like, in the way where a friend annoys you but you kind of don’t really hate it. Philip really liked it. Vigo used to call him Kjære a lot.

[weishenkun]

Ppl were saying fendi only invited ten and they stuck lc there but what about yy? Iirc he was there too so they put him there on purpose as well or they won’t mention him because he’s not the one in trouble here? I’m not trying to give an attitude but if it sounds of it I’m really sorry. Idk there’s so much back and forth and ngl to that hardcore cbar fan and revealing all that info, if you saying he was such an a-hole throughout his entire career you didn’t bother leaving his fandom earlier and saying nothing? Idk that really irks me that this only came out because of what has been happening. Idk if you agree with me but I want to rant and I have so much to rant about but idk who to turn. Everything is being picked about from the littlest thing he has done or said and ppl are saying those interviews the 3 groups he in esp wayv ones have done were they praise him all must be fake. We don’t know his side of the story and in honest truth we will never know because how these things are handled through the west and Asian entertainment is so different. But I have I guess I have some reservations about what one of the victims said because of apparently who she is and it has made me think about some things. I still believe he was wrong for some of the things he has done because he needs to understand cheating and manipulation isn’t good. Idk idk idk my heart is heavy and people using this as a lololol ahahah moment to his fan community hurts too like going on and on how all along he was a douche and they always knew and we didn’t. And honestly I feel like there has been so much bandwagon hopping on the hate train because before this most ppl apart from the wayv fandom didn’t give a two cent shit about wayv. They never cared when sm mistreated them or that they got scrapings and were not treated like how 127 or dream were treated. But suddenly everyone who has never cared is up and arms about him in the group because when wayv is going to do their next projects I want to see if all these ppl are going to be cheering them on as loud about you cheering on about what’s going on currently. like I can guarantee you won’t watch an interview or stream their music. And there has been this post going around about what was revealed yesterday and it was about that cat and someone said to the girl well he didn’t give you the cat cause you ain’t his fav and she’s like go ask him on bubble cause that wasn’t what he told me yesterday and idk what it even means because everyone is jumping on it and going lololol he’s still in contact after the apology. Idk she had said it sarcastically and Idk if she’s being truthful or not but everyone is adamant he is still doing all this regardless. And honestly IF he did do that and you let him contact you like that i feel like it’s on her esp since everything has been going on for days. He was dumb for all of this and rn his entire career isn’t surviving so I can’t even tell if she is serious or not and given how this is going on I can’t imagine his devices not being taken away from him cause that’s dumb or someone watching him like a fucking hawk cause I would. Cause on top of everything ppl are saying he mistreats the animals/pets and it’s like wtf is going on?! Oh And with the surfing coach confirming they didn’t flirt but were just friendly, you could have said something earlier but did nothing for hours until you were asked directly because everyone was saying she’s number 5 but apparently in reality she wasn’t but you let it go on. Everything is plaguing me rn and I have so much more to talk about but I’m just so frustrated.

okay this is a long ask so let me just go through each point

1. i saw the fendi story and yeah, yangyang was there too but people are more 'forgiving' towards him cause hes not badmouthing other members like allegedly lucas is. also, labelv was basically trying to get more members into the thing than the organizer originally wanted to, so yangyang, since hes less popular, is pretty logical but lucas? really? he had his own shit almost always so what was the point

2. about that hardcore cbar fan, true, they did only come out with the rant after the stories came out but like they said - they were a hardcore fan. probably theres some money involved or even it was just ignoring stuff cause youre a fan. we did know about most of the things they mentioned, it was just over a long period of time so there were big gaps between each of the incidents and people forgot? idk

3. i agree, there's been a lot of analysis of every little thing he did, but like i said earlier - it was happening over a long period of time and people were blaming it on idk, the culture or the lack of knowledge of some language. now, when theres a chance it could be something more, because of the alleged badmouthing, people will bring that stuff up 🤷‍♀️

4. he had a chance to say something in the apology letter. he said literally nothing instead :D

5. there has been a lot of bandwagon hopping on the hate but theres also been a lot of just straight up ignoring everything. i saw a fan acc on twitter share a list of translators so the fans could block those, cause they've been spreading false news 🤡 like, he was trending for days so people will get interested in whats going on and they will have opinions, thats how world works. and yeah no one will give a single fuck about future wayv project for example but i just hope it will be because they wont care and not because there wont be any future wayv projects :DDDD cause wayv was never big lol, lets be realistic, and this scandal isnt helping them at all and also the fact its happening right when there's that social media/fans campaign going on, i think its even worse :D

6. the bubble thing... labelv isnt the brightest so idk if its that unrealistic. and i think theres the other girl who also said he was calling them non stop when they released their story so idk idk lol

7. wheres the cat :/ we all saw the pic of him getting it, i think i reblogged it with something like 'omg omg ot11 soon' lmao and we havent seen it ever since. it is weird, just like in general. i want to know wheres the cat

8. the coach 🤡🤡🤡 idk idk her story was weird but i think it made another person release their story so thanks i guess :DDD even if he didnt flirt with her, wow, omg, hes so brave for this, wow, bare minimum :)

okay i think i went through everything, thanks for letting me write a whole essay back to you, i will call it an english practice in my brain 😍

[flying-elliska]

Ellie I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I actually want to say thank you for posting so openly about your diagnoses and struggles because I am going through something very similar, and it’s actually helped me reach out for help with my mental health. I’m 32 and after my moms death last year I am discovering that not only am I fairly certain that I have ADHD but, I’m starting to realize that I have spent my whole life dealing with Emotional Incest from my mother and that’s something I do not know how to even approach.

I have literally felt like I’ve been going crazy and functioning in the world is becoming harder and harder each day. I feel like I don’t have a handle on anything and I am constantly overwhelmed to a point where I don’t know how to cope but seeing you dealing with this is giving me some hope. I know I’m probably not the only person you’ve helped indirectly so please know that you’re not only helping yourself but you’re encouraging me and probably others to do the same. I really hope you find some peace and happiness today.

Anon 💖💖💖 thanks for reaching out, it means so much. I actually had a good (but exhausting) day - I confronted an acquaintance about him being a clueless asshole to some of my other friends, which I don't think I would have had the guts to do in the past. So maybe not peace and happiness, but definitely some satisfaction.

First of all I am very proud of you for reaching out and I am glad I could help in whatever small way I could. I am also sorry for what you went through and still have to deal with. I know it sucks. I am right there too rn in feeling how much it sucks. I think it's an important step to recognize that. IT FUCKING SUCKS. Because personally for a loooong time I was just pretending everything was fine, making excuses for the people who hurt me, but I was just running myself ragged and feeling so hollow and splintered and just.... And coming to a point where i'm finally looking these things in the face, and all that buried crap resurfaces...it's honestly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, just putting some of these things to paper, trying to do this all month, it's so ughhhhhhh fuck man. It's ugly work, I hate it, but at the same time, sometimes, it feels empowering too and like I am returning to myself and picking up all these shattered pieces and recognizing that part of me that suffered and deserved better that I tried so hard to deny and deaden. Reclaiming my ability to control my own narrative.

So honestly from what you're describing, I think it's very logical that you are having a hard time and feel overwhelmed. Hell, they say during recovery at the beginning it generally gets worse for a while before it gets better. So...even tho it sucks, in a sense, it might be a good thing ? I know it is for me. Much better than previous numbness and dissociation. The pain of truth is purifying - it's so different from the pain of secrets and shame festering in silence. Am I coping very well right now ? No, but I'm learning, and I'm also having these occasional moments of inner reconciliation and mending that feel miraculous ; like that scared, confused inner little girl I used to be feels increasingly less alone and trampled over.

Anyway the good news is that when it comes to ADHD, treatment has a high chance to have a radical positive impact, it's one of the diagnoses where finding the right combo of therapy/meds/lifestyle changes leads to some of the highest rates of positive change. So I really hope you get there.

The rest is...yeah I don't know how to deal with that either, I'm still figuring it out. My relationship with my mother was for so long such a fucking clusterfuck of layers of manipulation, unaddressed generational trauma, repressed grief, good intentions, petty cruelty, inappropriate behavior, unfortunate circumstances and neglect, over projection and blind devotion and gaslighting, enmeshment and lack of boundaries, abuse done for "your own good" with a smile and a reasonable explanation - it made me feel insane for so long, like I couldn't trust my own feelings or perceptions. And every time I felt like I had addressed one layer I hit on something else, to the point where I started to feel like I would never be free of it. I haven't seen her or properly talked to her in like, seven years and still all this time I was struggling with it - it was necessary to cut contact tho, to assert that boundary. And then to keep building boundaries from there, slowly, frustratingly, to keep digging and asking myself questions. I got stuck and lost so many times, but I feel like I'm finally reaching the end of the tunnel, because knowledge is one of the most powerful things in the world.

Real talk, the emotional incest thing ? I think my mother had a similar dynamic with her own father. And she tried to do better, but because she was unwilling to look at the true ugliness of the situation, instead choosing to wallpaper over it with magical thinking, everything-will-be-fine-if-i-convince-myself-it-is, and an obsession with moral purity, she ended up doing a massive amount of damage of her own. And I am not doing that.

There is a radical power that comes with facing the ugliness head on that I am claiming for myself, and it seems that you are embarking on a similar journey. It's a big thing so we can't do it all at once. I think doing sth like this you have to pace yrself, to chew off little piece by piece, to digest bit by bit, to let some things rot and dissolve, to go through many cycles of doubt and indignity and revelation, to hunt for the truth on pure Instinct and desperate need, to claw off a path from the dark and the impossible, to consider incompatible and paradoxical truths, to let every new bit of knowledge work its way through you and make you stronger and stranger and more yourself. To let yrself be a little bit crazy and seething and deranged, to shake loose the confines of what you thought was reasonable, to find gifts and allies in unlikely places. To expose, to open up, little by little, to find scraps of words that turn into full sentences, to take back power by finding the right name of things. And then, one day, we'll give birth to ourselves this time and we'll find the sun-bleached bones of this horror and make it into jewelry. Or something.

You don't have a handle on things ? Good ! It's probable you have had a handle on things for way too long. Your handle is probably completely broken. So I don't know you, but maybe this is good, in all its harsh inconvenient terrifying way. I know I had to throw away the handle I had first to build a new one. And flying loose for a moment which yeah ! Fucking scary. But also kind of badass, in that private way maybe nobody will ever know but you and so it's extra important you give yourself that credit.

Anyway I'm rambling but I do hope some of this gives you some extra validation. I'm here if you want to talk more, including by message. I know it's helped me so much to read abt other people's experiences, so. It's like a chain of courage, and you can be part of that too.

Also books have helped me so much - some fiction, but especially of late 'Tiny Beautiful Things' by Cheryl Strayed - she's an advice columnist who writes about some super gnarly stuff in such a direct, humane, powerful way, it gave me a lot of strength.

Power and solace to you, anon. 🌸💪🌸💪

[roublardise]

7, 36 and/or 59

And back at you with 2 and a reason why for each character

2 - What are your top three favourite characters?

ohlala.... it's not a real order, like Dean is first but after that I can't make a top

Dean - idk why he's just so 😭 I think it's bc I project a lot, and I'm fascinated by how kind he is. Spn would have been sooo much better if the main pov was Dean's instead of Sam's. His story is way more interesting to me. He's just a guy, he's really just some guy with a lot of family issues. He's not part of the lucky ones, he got no money, he's queer af, he had no childhood. But he's still SO kind and he thinks everyone should get their happy end & no one should go through what he's going through. If he gotta take one from the team he'd take it. I wish he could care for himself as much as he cares for humanity. I wish he'd got to learn to care for supernatural creatures bc that's just the logical development but once again, spn is Sam's pov so Dean gets no rights.

Crowley - he's one of the best character EVER. everytime I see Crowley disrespect, in show or in the fandom, I love him even more. He deserved the world. He deserved a non-homophobic portrayal. I keep going off about Crowley so let's settle on one thing hm.... it's a very sad part of his story, but it gets to me: Crowley is so lonely and he just wants to be loved. But he has no friends, was already lonely in life, is as much alone in death - he's an outcast even for demons, even if he fits better here. He's Crowley and he's powerful and frightening, but he's Crowley - there're rumours around him, people call him nicknames behind his back, he gets made fun of (homophobically & transphobically). He has to be ambitious and threatening ; but he doesn't want to. He's just good at it (he's honestly so smart and honest???). And that's the only way he can be - if not loved, if not known - at least seen.

Amara - ok it's only bc I'm insane and I have this Good Version of Amara in my head........ I think she could have been SO MUCH. But if I gotta pick one reason I just love how she's just vibing. She's literally just chilling and enjoying Earth and finding joys in every little things. She knows about the big picture & she hates it, she hates the blueprint and the Rules and Chuck's big plan. But she loves the tiny things so much? She wants to explore and discover and feel everything. Because that's not what's wrong - humans, flowers, food - it's not them, by essence, the issue. It's the system they're trapped in.

Bela Talbot - yeh it's four but..... I can't pick. she's SO interesting. when Dean goes "so you know about what's out there and this is what you do with it? you become a thief?" it's soooo interesting. I wish we'd got more of her and her VS Dean bc the way they're so similar yet taking such different decisions....... I don't even dislike that she ended up going to Hell, bc her making a deal is actually part of her character now. I'm mostly pissed bc she never came back. There's NO WAY she wouldn't find a way to get out of Hell, like even as a demon. She's so strategic I'm still amazed at how she got Dean & Sam arrested. QUEEN.

7 - What is/are your BROTP(s)?

i think......... like in terms of actual sibling dynamic. I love Claire & Alex. I'm pretty sure the trio with Patience would be epic, but we didn't get to see more of them. I overall feel like spn can't write siblings properly (ironic I know) but they got Claire & Alex!!! ig it helps that they don't have a lot of scenes but 🤷‍♂️ it's about the love/hate between teenagers. it's about locking your sib inside the toilets but also beating down a guy who trash talked them. it's about the intimacy of sharing a house and making it a home <3

36 - If you could be a supernatural creature, what would it be?

I pretty sure I'd end up being a ghost bc as a taurus I'm a petty bitch. I WILL stay to haunt people. that's my toxic trait 😔 however that doesn't seem the most appealing it's just very sad :'(

I have basic taste I'd be down to be a vampire I think. I already struggle with sensory issues and vampires are hot and then I can get a werewolf gf and we can be vibing

59 - If you could have a spinoff about any characters other than the leads of Supernatural and Wayward Sisters, who would they be?

I've actually mentioned it a few times in passing and like. while rn I wanna say a Crowley spinoff bc he deserves the world!!!! what I actually want and think about is:

a spinoff about the evil-ish sapphics: Bela, Rowena, Ruby, and Meg :) Supporting characters includes Mary, Amara, Anael, and Belphegor. IDK what they'd be doing except girlboss shit and drinking wine and gossiping and whatever they want and supporting each others 💕

I'd both like pre-canon and post-canon, like I want to see demon Bela as well..... I just wanna see more women and more not-hunter shenanigans!!!

spn ask game

[ambersky0319]

Hi!! I chose to call it An Honest Mood, and there is a large gore warning. (Might be projecting, you never know). You don't need to post if you think it's too much | Janus knew something was off when he woke up. His entire world felt as though it was off balance, and a bubble of something painful grew in his chest. He lay on his bed, looking around his room and letting his thoughts wander. God damn it, all his thoughts were really weird today. 1/?

Every corner was all too sharp and the mirror was looking very breakable and every surface seemed to be covered in a red substance that would be there for real if Janus let these harmful thoughts continue. It was a knock at the door that shook him out of it. "Janus? Are you up?" Janus found that he didn't care much to answer, but at the same time, the word "Yes," was sitting at the ready. Which was strange. Usually it was a smooth and suave, "No," that he had prepared. 2/?

For some reason, he felt the burn of tears behind his eyes. That was also weird. Nothing had happened. Like, literally nothing had happened. Patton opened the door as tears streamed sideways down his face, leaking uncomfortably into the pillow. "Janus!" Patton gasped, crouching down to look the lying side in the eyes. "What's wrong?" 3/?

Janus didn't respond for a while, but the entire time, the words, "I'm upset," were forcing themselves up his throat. "Tired," he said instead, which was also a truth. Why was he having so much trouble lying? And Patton- he was right in front of him, and the first thing that came to mind- "I don't think I like you very much." It was honest, and there wasn't even a wisp of emotion behind the words. 4/?

"I think I'm upset at you, and I think you being here makes me want to cry and I think your blue is so close to being a sad blue, and I think that sad blue is spreading into my room." There was truth to Janus' words again, and a soft, glowing, blue was taking over the room. "I think I'm upset with you all and I think you make me sad and Roman makes me mad and Virgil makes me anxious and Remus is giving me these bad thoughts but at the same time I think Logan is making me completely numb." 5/?

"Janus, what's going on-" Janus continued his flow of words, eyebrows now furrowing. "I think I want to hit my head on the corner of the table and get hurt and see red, and maybe the red will be the color of Roman's thing- thing- what is it- oh, his sash and- I'm not lying Patton, why do you think that is?" Janus knew the answer even as he asked the question. He was in a depressive state, and goodness, he hated it. But if he thought back, he remembered this had happened before. 6/?

He had trouble keeping things to himself and felt the need to blurt everything that came to mind. Gods, was he in one of his honest moods? | Finished and slightly upset because frick frack it doesn't feel done. If you wanna add, please do, but geez, this thing feels just a little off. I'll write it properly in stroytime and hopefully I'll end up posting it here later. Have a nice night! 7/7

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This was definitely interesting to read! If you end up writing a post fic thing please tag me, I'd love to read it!

But just, everything about this concept? Perfect for ripping my heart out-

I hope you're doing okay rn hon, but if you're not then know you can come vent to me if you feel the need. Please take care of yourself, drink some water and have a snack if you haven't eaten in a while. Hope your night is going well/improves soon 💜

[darkpoisonouslove]

I retaliate/reward you with writer asks 2, 3, 4, 12, 22, 24, 36, 37, 39 and 42 ;D

Sounds good to me. XD

Okay, let's break these down. (I've crammed things that should be separated in different paragraphs in the same paragraph because of the structure of the ask. I just think it is easier to navigate it that way even if more paragraphs would make more sense. That way every opinion is constricted in one paragraph and you can tell which point it refers to easier. (At least imo.))

(I can't put a read more link rn as I'm on mobile. Sorry.)

2. Don't use adverbs

I cannot begin to describe to you how much I LOATHE this. It is, by far, some of the stupidest writing advice I have ever read. No, I don't care Stephen King supports this. Stephen King writes mostly horror and in horror you need to maintain suspense so short and to the point is definitely better and cutting adverbs is certainly a way to do that. However, I don't think this applies to all writing. I think this isn't really a genre thing as much as it is a specific case by case thing. And in most instances I think this advice is bullshit. Think about it. Language was created to allow us to express ourselves. Cut all adverbs out of it and that narrows down your way to express yourself. It's kinda like "Oh, hey, my leading hand serves more purpose. I should probably cut off the other one because it's not that effective." Congrats, you just crippled yourself. It's the same with language. Why would you deny yourself the help of an entire group of "tools" to express yourself? I just don't understand it. I suppose you've seen the posts going around about "good" and "bad" adverbs so I won't go into that as I agree that an adverb is a good idea when it adds some meaning to the word that wasn't there before (eg. "cried happily"). Sometimes it can actually make things faster to just "tell" them rather than show them through the context. I think adverbs are as neat as any other part of language and deserve their place in writing.

3. Write what you know

Yes, you should know what the hell you're writing about. Whether it was something that you were familiar with before you started writing or you did your research on the matter. I might be a little biased on this because I kinda hate doing research so I can be swayed towards write only what you are completely familiar with but that would just make things boring. So I think you can write about stuff that isn't quite your area of expertise as long as you put the effort to research it to the proper level depending on what you need it for. If it's more of a mention, you don't need that much knowledge about it but if you intend to make it the subject of your writing, please make sure you understand what you're going to be talking about in the entirety of your story. I am begging you because when you don't, we end up with stuff like 50 Shades of Grey (and I'm not just talking about the sex parts since this book is full of poorly researched stuff that, shockingly, ends up being unbelievable at best, potentially harmful at worst). However, I think that applies to a greater degree to published fiction rather than to fanfiction but let's not get into that debate since it's a completely different topic and I already veered off course.

4. Avoid repetition

This I mostly agree with but it depends on the purpose of the repetition. If it is done in order to establish a theme or motif or to emphasize a point (without overdoing it, of course), I fully support it. (I do that a lot in my personal writing and it shouldn't be that hard to find examples of it when looking at my fics ("What Is the One Thing That Can Never Break?" is the best example of this but I have done it countless times in most of my fics if not all of them since this is one of my fave techniques).) However, there is a thin line between establishing a theme and making dead herrings aka something that is brought up repeatedly without any point to it other than boosting the word count since it doesn't lead to anything and it was already discussed at a prior point (which I might have done a few times myself in some of my longest fics). If you're bringing another angle to an issue you've already looked at or are furthering the point, you should be fine but this is indeed a thin line to tread so it demands a bit of caution. I do believe repetition can be a valuable technique in specific circumstances, though, so it all depends on how it is used.

12 is already answered here

22. Do not use semicolons

My personal opinion on this isn't very applicable to anything else because I am not really quite sure how to properly use semicolons so I avoid them. I also don't really like them in other people's writings. I'm sure they have their uses but I think a lot of authors also overuse them to make those horrendously long sentences that I hate (but have started becoming guilty of as well even though I think that if you can't remember how the sentence started at the end of it, it is too long and needs to be split in some way). It is why I haven't bothered to learn how to operate them. XD But I think that my point about adverbs should be applied here as well. It is another tool you can use and I am sure it can be helpful. So I am not necessarily against it and wouldn't tell someone to stop using them. Only, maybe try using full stops as well? And I'll try to do the same because, like I said, I have started becoming guilty of paragraph long sentences as well. (Just to be clear, sometimes longer sentences are okay. But not when literally every sentence is over 150 words. You need to break them down, spice it up with shorter sentences thrown in the mix.) Also, I think this is an instance of the trap of "bigger is better" for a lot of writers except that here it is "longer is better". It really isn't. And I can tell you why. My scenes have started getting thousands of words long and if I were to write novel, I could hit 50k words with about ten scenes. Most novels are up to 120k words total. Those would be 24 scenes in my numbers but don't you feel like a novel will need more than 24 scenes? Consice writing is definitely a good idea and it is much harder to cut things rather than to add (at least for me). Fanfiction gives more room with the word count but I still think that it is important to be able to convey your point in as little words as possible. (Btw, this is a tangent but long sentences and semicolons appear a lot in academic writing and I hate it even more there because it makes it more incomprehensible than it needs to be (and in a lot of cases it already is written to be as incomprehensible as possible). Just... start another sentence, I am begging you. This one already is a page long, for the love of everything in the world.)

24. Don't edit as you write

A complicated one. Mostly because I have done this. I used to do it a few years back. I (mostly) don't do it anymore. I might stop to edit a typo or change a sentence that just doesn't read right but nothing bigger than that. And you should, arguably, not do that either. Why? Because you may end up deleting the entire paragraph, page, chapter and all that perfecting will have been for naught. It has happened to me when I spent a ton of time perfecting the first chapters of several of my works and some of them I will never finish while others actually need to start from a different point in time so the whole chapter needs to go. Along with all of my efforts. I would say this is mostly for longer and chaptered projects since the structure of a one shot (depending on the length) is easier to figure out and you probably won't need to rearrange parts of it. And if something is really poking your eyes out, you can fix it real quick. But once you have the whole thing, it will be easier to see what needs to stay, what needs to go and what needs to be changed. Sometimes the temptation is hard to resist and it's fine if you give in as long as you're doing it with the knowledge that "yes, this may be all for nothing but I can't look at it like that for another second". Sometimes I would say that you need to go back and see where everything derailed if you can't move on. There was good advice that if you're stuck, the problem is probably a few paragraphs before the point where you hit a wall and it has helped me get over a block a time or two. However, if you can move on without touching anything, you probably should. That can also save you from deleting something that is actually good. I have felt like the whole thing I was writing was terrible but holding back from deleting or even altering anything and, instead, giving it some time to breathe has saved a few fics along the way from being completely butchered. So I think this is, generally, good advice because of the reasons I listed but just like any other rule, it can be bent and broken. (I would say fixing typos is a form of bending it which I allow myself all the time. Spelling is just really important to me.)

36. Never use a verb other than 'said' to tag dialogue

I hate this specific phrasing of it a lot. Never start any rule with never. Of course, you need to use other verbs as well since they were created to express the wide range in which a person may speak their chosen words. My problem with this is the reason that is usually given for it and that is that it distracts the reader. It has never distracted ME. Not a single time. And while I agree that using said most of the time works since people usually speak in a calm, even, steady manner which to describe as simply "said" works well enough, I think that other dialogue tags have their places too. Because people don't always say things. Sometimes they scream them, sometimes they whisper them, sometimes they hiss them, sometimes they snap and so on. Here I think a better phrasing would be to use Syndrome's lesson again that "when everyone is super, no one will be". Dialogue tags different from said are supposed to direct your attention to the change in tone. They're supposed to stand out. If everything stands out, nothing will. (This philosophy is so applicable to so many things and I think we have to take a minute to appreciate how valuable the lesson of "The Incredibles" is.) So as with every other writing tool, if used accordingly, dialogue tags (all of them, not just "said") can only be of help and will not hinder you in any way. Just don't put more frosting on the cake than there is cake, you know?

37. Do not start a sentence with a conjunction

FUCK THIS RULE so much. This one you have to keep to only in academic writing. The moment you step through the threshold of creative writing this rule should be crushed under your soles. I often start sentences with "and" or "but" because I am looking to emphasize whether this sentence agrees with the previous one or not. Think about it. When you say "I liked him. But I didn't trust him.", it reads very different from "I liked him but I didn't trust him.". It focuses your attention on that contrast and makes you pay more attention to the objection to the first sentence that comes in the second. That can be incredibly valuable and help emphasize what you're saying in a more subtle way than repetition would. This is one of my favorite techniques of focusing the attention on where I want it to be and I will never give it up. Sue me if you want. And see if I care.

39. If there's a story you want to read but it hasn't been written yet, you must write it

Must is too strong a verb. You are not obliged to write anything. I couldn't possibly write everything I want to see written in a single lifetime. Calm down there. I think what people need to understand here is more that "if you want the story done the exact way that you would do it, you will have to do it yourself because no one else will do it the very same way". Doesn't mean that someone can't come close enough (I had that luck once) but it is unlikely that they'll do it in a way that you won't have any complaints about. So, really, "if you want something done right, do it yourself". But this can also mean "you have something fresh that the world needs because no one else has done it yet" (or at least not the same way you would do it). Which is cool but you really don't owe anyone anything. If that story is what you want to read and write (emphasis on that because writing is hard and takes a lot of energy, guys), then great! Go right ahead. But if you don't feel like doing that, you can leave it alone. Someone else might do it in time but with that we loop back to my previous point. I think that you should write whatever you want to write whether no one has written it before or it has been done hundreds and thousands of times.

42. Write your first draft by hand

Very mixed feelings here. I used to do that. The main reason for that is that I didn't trust myself to edit quite as sufficiently if I wrote it directly in a document as I would if I had to transcribe it from paper to the computer. For me personally, it is easier to change sentences when there is only blank space after that sentence since I don't have to worry whether the next sentence I have will still make sense once I'm done rewriting the current one. It was just easier to change things. A way to deal with that is to just press enter a few times before you start editing the sentence so that it looks like there is nothing after it and you're free to change it as you please. However, writing directly in a document is definitely faster and since I was having a lot of things to do in a limited time, I started doing that. It helped get over the fear of a blank page to a degree. It is faster. And I don't think I have noticed a change in the quality of my fics. Not a negative one at least. I just know that if I had had to write the 10k+-word ones by hand before typing them on the computer, I would've lost it. It would've taken way more time and patience than I was willing to give these ideas. Writing the words by hand sometimes helps me feel them better, though, (if that makes sense) and I wouldn't completely give up on it. I like to go with my intuition when deciding whether to write it by hand or type it directly in a document and it has worked out well enough for me so far.