#i hate this fucking thing so much!!!!! i hate being stuck in a christian school where nobody i want to know is able to show themselves!!!!

[turoce]

when i finally get out of high school it's over for all of you bitches

[akystaracer22]

Maybe in Another Life We Would Hate Each Other a Little Less

A chance encounter sheds a little light on Adam that Lucifer couldn't have predicted, leading to a moment he thought he'd never have with the man.

Notes (Aka my thoughts while writing):

God is a dick and I wanna kill xem

Adam folds his wings like a bird because monkey see monkey do

Both these guys were traumatised by the same person and we don’t talk about it enough

Probably Guitarduck/Adamsapple but in a fledgeling platonic kinda way

Refer to my ref for what Adam looks like!

I listened to Rät while writing this and- it kind of fits Adam???

Jesus is God’s favourite child and it fucking shows

How tf did this become a sickfic????

Lucifer gets the experience of being me whenever I make the impulsive move to boot up Char.ai and talk to literally any of the AI’s, get aunt agonied bitch.

Oh my god Adam has middle child syndrome.

Can you tell I attended a Christian school when I was younger???

Adam was hiding just how fucked over he was from the wing rot but he’s not having a good time in this. Most of the latter half of the oneshot is him dazed from both the one set of wing rot and the feeling of someone touching his wing.

Shit emergency wing HC for Adam ig: His wings grow warmer corresponding to his mood, as in when he is in general happier his wings radiate warmth and when he’s in a foul mood they’re just normal or even a little cooler.

In saying that yes Lucifer’s wings glow when he’s happy

Word Count: 1902

Fic under cut!

“Fucking- Shit!”

Lucifer paused, looking behind him and backing up to peek through the crack in the door. This ought to be good.

Sure enough, he was right, this was entertaining.

Adam was ranting again.

Honestly it was a nearly daily thing by this point, probably the only good thing about his daughters decision to let Adam stay at the hotel. He loved his daughter, he really did, by Adam was… Adam.

Lucifer knew he was a lost cause.

But still, didn’t mean Lucifer couldn’t tease the hell out of the man since he was stuck down here with the rest of them.

Lucifer’s smirk at watching the first man rant quickly died as he took in the guys appearance, he looked…

“What is wrong with your wings.”

Adam jerked and twisted around, scowling at him and oops he said that out loud didn’t he.

“Piss off!”

Lucifer, in his typical fashion, did not piss off and instead entered the room, “No seriously what is wrong with your wings.”

Now that he was closer, the king was certain they didn’t look like that a week ago. The feathers, while already having looked like a wreck were duller and the colours seemed almost… muted. Ignoring the already horrific state Adam’s wing were in, they shouldn’t look THAT bad so why…

“Wait-”

“I said-!”

“Have you not been preening you wings?”

Adam went silent, staring wide eyed at Lucifer much to the kings confusion. A beat passed, then two.

“What the fuck is preening?”

Lucifer blinked, he wasn’t serious, was he?

Surely not.

.

.

.

“By the heavens you’re dead serious.”

“What the fuck are you talking about.”

Lucifer debated whether he should explain it or not. On one hand, it’s Adam. On the other, Wings were a serious thing. He’d even seen Husker cleaning his wings from time to time, for Adam to just not know…

“You know what? For once my hatred of you is outweighed by my need to show you what’s what,” The fallen seraphim huffed, closing the door behind him and summoning a chair to block it from the outside so Adam couldn’t escape. “Come on we’re fixing this travesty.”

“What part of fuck off you do you not understand?!” The first man snapped, his wings mantling as Lucifer rifled through the closet, dragging out one of the many jars of oil he’d had the foresight to put in most of the rooms, perks of being a guy with basic common sense.

“The part where you’re being stupid and my daughter started rubbing off on me,” Lucifer shot back, his own wings serving well to corral Adam towards the bed, “How you don’t know how to preen your wings is beyond me but that’s ending today.”

“Again- what are you blabbering about.”

Lucifer paused, hand hovering just over Adams feathers. Preening someone elses wings was… intimate. It was something reserved for friends, family, lovers, and stuff… not enemies. Was he really going to just go ahead and clean Adams wings for him?

The seraphim’s eyes flicked over to where the ruined wing was draped over the bed. The wing was already in bad enough shape as it was, if he didn’t do this then wing rot was bound to hit it at some point and-

He didn’t really have a choice, not if he didn’t want to watch someone die of wing rot again.

Adam went stiff under Lucifers touch as he started work on the mans functioning wing, it was the easiest to work with, not the mention the safest to start with. The injured wing would no doubt be sensitive to any interaction, so better to start small.

Ish.

Adam shuddered as Lucifer moved between feather’s, periodically reapplying preening oil as he went. He was right as usual, looking closer most of the barbules had been separated and needed to be locked together again. Grimacing, the seraphim gently scratched out what looked like dried blood from where it was hidden in the base of Adam’s Secondary coverts.

“What are you doing?” Adam whispered, his voice for once lacking it’s usual bite. Lucifer paused for a second in confusion before Adam’s wing flexed back into Lucifer’s hand, “Don’t stop!”

“Okay okay!” The king huffed, working on his primaries, “What I’m doing is called preening. It’s something beings with feathers do to clean them.”

“Like birds?”

“Yeah, like birds,” Lucifer agreed, “The oil helps take care of bacteria, but you got to realign the feathers, get rid of the ones ready to moult, and fix the feathers that are out of sorts, though you can just shake the feathers to do that part quicker.”

“Mhm”

Lucifer shifted over to finally tackle the ruined wing and froze, a chill slinking down his spine. As he took in the state of the tattered appendage.

“Shit.”

This close the seraphim could see the red pimples under the thinning layer of feathers surrounding the injury, it was wing rot in its early stages.

“What?”

“Nothing!” Lucifer dove his fingers into the scapulars to shut Adam up while he discreetly conjured up some disinfectant for the rot, if he’s lucky he can treat it now and just get Charlie or Vaggie to deal with it now, knock it over the head before it becomes so visible the others can notice. He ignored Adam’s breath hitching as the seraphim started, just as predicted, the wing was sensitive from the damage done to it.

“But seriously you need to do this more, this is just horrific,” Lucifer grumbled to himself, not really caring if Adam listened, “Honestly I’m surprised this hasn’t happened to you before!”

“Mmmm tried once… I think?”

Lucifer, glanced at Adam’s face, it was pointed away from him, but he could still sense Adam’s attention was on him, “Yeah?”

“Saw the birds doin’ it and tried to copy ‘em,” Adam continued at the prompt, spreading his other wing, “It hurt so I stopped, didn’ know there was a method to this shit or someth’n.”

“You… nobody even tried to teach you?”

“I think they thought I knew,” Adam chuckled sourly, “I think they thought I fu’kin knew how to just- do this. ‘Cause I was meant to right?!” Another laugh, “I bit the fu’kin apple so I shou’da known this kinda shit! Apple of knowl’dge or what’ver.”

Lucifer, wisely, didn’t say anything, he just kept working on Adam’s ruined wing, applying the disinfectant, and fixing what few feathers were still healthy and removing the rest. If it was anyone else in this situation he’s wrap the wing and tell them to rest but… it was still Adam that was in this mess.

“I- why didn’t they teach me? Luci why didn’t they teach me this shit?”

“I… don’t know,” Lucifer replied carefully, deliberately skipping over the butchering of his name that sounded way to close to a nickname for comfort, “Come on, up you get he still got the underside to finish then I’ll be out.”

Adam grumbled but complied, sitting up a little to turn around as Lucifer summoned a pillow for Adam to lean back on. Rolling his neck Lucifer got to work on the auxiliary feathers, the lighter feathers were definitely in better shape, but then again that wasn’t exactly a high bar, and they still were looking rough.

“Jesus was prob’bly taught how to preen himself.”

Lucifer’s shoulders hitched as his wings tucked in against his back abruptly. Jesus… was a rough topic. For all sinners talked about him, Lucifer never met him but from the sinners around that time… it was never a fun conversation. Pretentious once kings cursing his name while hopeless commoners lined up for the exorcists blade, faithful until the end that Jesus would let them into heaven if they just believed in him.

… there was a pattern in there, wasn’t there. Like father like son, he supposed.

“Jesus was made from me and yet he’s God’s favourite fukin kid, course he’d fucking know how to preen,” Adam continued unimpeded, “Doesn’t matter if I was Gods first- Jesus was always fucking better than me.”

Okay! Lucifer was in no way prepared for this conversation, but he highly doubted Adam was even going to remember this conversation, so he just focused on the wings.

“…Luci, do they all hate me?”

Lucifer sincerely wished Anthony, or just anyone really would bust down the door at this moment, at least then he could get himself out of this conversation.

“Why do you think that?” the seraphim deflected, moving onto Adam’s good wing and going through his coverts.

“Because none of them ever fucking did this,” Adam waved his hand haphazardly before letting it rest on his chest, “You’re my enemy but you’re fixin’ my fu’kin wings because I’m too stupid and useless to just figure it out myself.”

“Not useless,” The words left Lucifer’s lips without his input, damn himself to double hell, but it managed to shut up Adam, so he kept on the thought train, “You’re not useless you were just never taught, it’s not your fault heaven doesn’t think.”

“Jesus-”

“Is God’s prodigal son and shouldn’t be counted.”

Adam huffed and leaned back on the pillow, “Why’re you good at this?”

“I’ve had aeon’s to learn, and over a decade of putting it in practice,” Lucifer thought about his daughter, a small smile making it’s way into his expression, she really was the best thing to happen to him.

He finished up with Adams good wing and moved onto finishing off the wrecked one. Applying the disinfectant to the infected spots on the underside before reaching for the preening oil again.

“Y’know, maybe in another life we would’ve hated each other less.”

Lucifer just laughed and started preening the wing, yeah right, maybe in a reality where the apple incident never happened, “You’re sick Adam, feverish even.”

“And you’re a wife-stealer.”

“Should have been better in bed.”

“Fuck you,”

Lucifer stuck his tongue out at the first man, earning a tired chuckle. Then the seraphim blinked at the sudden warmth radiating out from the feathers. What in the-?

“Oh… they haven’t done that in a while.”

Lucifer blinked up at Adam who was staring at his feathers in amazement, “Ackde-whuh?”

Adam leaned back and closed his eyes, “Yeah… sometimes they just get warm all of a sudden it’s weird. Hasn’t happened in a while though. Apparently it sometimes happened when Lute was around? I dunno why.”

Lucifer blinked a couple of times before letting out a small “huh” and running a hand through the ruined wing, it was definitely warmer.

Sighing, Lucifer let his hand fall away despite the wing chasing it, “Alright well your wings are definitely cleaner now, so I’ll be out of your hair now.”

The seraphim stood up to leave through the balcony, opening the window and almost stepping out when Adam called after him, still sounding exhausted.

“I can see why they left me for you.”

Lucifer paused, before smiling sardonically and looking back at Adam, who looked like he might have just passed out.

“Tell me that when you’re not delusional from illness and I might believe you.”

With that, Lucifer stepped out and left for his own room… though, if Adam woke up to a small plush duck on his nightstand, that was between Lucifer and the god that cast him down.

But there is one thing Lucifer will admit.

Maybe Charlie wasn't wrong about thinking Adam could be redeemed.

Pings:

@sleepy-hijinx @whatataha @cyborg0109 @birbisanon @legogator @overlord-rey @luckyburgerz @spiny-dogfishes @justakidicarus

[veetyuh]

I'm reminded of that "antishipping isn't purity culture because it isn't conservative christianity" post... And I think I've done some unpacking on why it triggers me so much.

I was an intersex child shoved into the role of a female, in a rural & conservative Christian environment. I've had not just purity culture shoved down my throat, but also the shame of not being able to meet the expectations put on women in that environment.

It's not just cover up, slut. That implies I had something to show off, to begin with. And men still want to ogle you and imagine what your body is like beneath that modest dress. So here, literal child. Have this shapewear to make your figure conform to that of a developing middle school female's under your clothes.

It's contradictory that way. You have to try to be unappealing to not 'tempt' men, but you still need to be appealing in the sense of conventional female attractiveness. Moreover, you must not think about men or sex at all. But you cannot be asexual — your parents demand grandchildren.

Antis do the same with their queer representation. It's the same contradictory expectations... They champion the idea of breaking societal norms through queerness (i.e. the idea of 'queer as in fuck you'), then demand that every nuclear family norm be met. Queer characters must be disruptive without actually disrupting anything. And the contradictions apply to fans, too — you're homophobic if you don't like a canon queer ship, and you're fetishistic if you like queer ships too much. (There are more, but I'd be stuck here forever if I listed them all. 😅)

There's also the obvious — fictional sins being as bad as things done in real life. There's Matthew 5, which includes so many popular verses about thought control that Christians use, and equates bad thought to bad doing.

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

And fuck if antis aren't cutting off their entire goddamn arm and gouging out both eyes.

It's not just purity culture they embody, though — it's the satanic panic, too. Good lord the amount of times my grandma wouldn't let me watch Ghost Hunters because she thought I was welcoming demons into the home, or her concern for me watching horror movies because I'd surely become more violent. It's the same shit, different horse.

On a more light-hearted note, they play the same game that Christian demoninations do, too. I was Baptist, and considered the Methodists okay. But the Catholics? No, keep that shit away from me. Why are you worshipping Mary? That's idolatry! How horrible, to openly spit in God's face. When I read antis' DNI lists rattling off forbidden, unredeemable fandoms, it feels the same way, haha.

But what really seals the deal for me is how they smile in your face and promise they're just looking out for you. Christians do that, too. "We want you to get better. We want to help you. You're on a dark path." While they break your bones to force you into their mold. You may not be hurting anyone on your dark path, but they'll convince you that you ARE. You're hurting yourself "spiritually," you're hurting the community, your family, by being an abomination to God. You're hurting everyone and yourself, you just need us to help you realize it. Antis feel the exact same. I block them pre-emptively because I cannot handle having that shit directed at me again.

Moreover, their insults feel the same. The childish "icky," the ad hominems. It's too reminiscent for me. Of my mom hating my icky facial hair and my classmates making fun of my masc traits when they thought I couldn't hear; you are a gross person!!1! Ew!!!

It's funny that antis are so often anti-kink, considering they're so fucking intent on giving me a golden shower and telling me it's rain. I hope they're careful not to choke on the homophobic, pedophilic pastor cock they're sucking.

[your-mom-friend]

I think maybe the saddest thing about extremely religious people is that they genuinely believe that you’ll go to hell if you don’t accept their Lord. I mean this mostly about Muslims, I can’t speak much for Christianity

I was raised in a Muslim country. In the schools there all Muslim students had to attend Islamic studies classes, while the non-Muslim students had moral science classes.

Aside from Islamic history and theology, one of the first things that I was taught that really stuck to me, was that people who rejected the word of Allah would be sent to Jahannam (Hell). Those who were ignorant of the True Religion would be spared but anyone who had heard the Truth of Allah and didn’t accept it? They would go to hell. My teacher even said that in this day and age, with access to the internet, no one has the excuse of being ignorant now.

It terrified me. What about my friends? My school had Hindus and Christian galore. What about them? They were good people. Were they going to hell? Couldn’t I help them? One of my other Muslim friends actually started sobbing about it. “Rem.. I don’t- I don’t want my friends to go to Hell, Rem”

We were Seven. Years. Old.

No kid deserves that

And as I’ve grown older I’ve only seen more of it. And I feel heartbroken. These are people that truly believe in their faith and within that belief they’re taking the most moral action they are capable of taking. They don’t want people to go to hell. They want people to go to heaven. They are so fearful of their Lord that they’re willing to be the bad guy in this life to see you next to them in Jannah (Heaven). They believe that. With their entire hearts and it crushes me every single time.

I think about it every time my mother talks about modesty. I think about it every time my father reminds me about prayer. Everytime one of the elder relatives reminds us kids to read the Quran.

I think about it every time I remember that I told my sister that I was terrified that one day she wouldn’t keep my sexuality a secret because she believed it would be the morally correct thing to tell my parents and she couldn’t look at me and say that it wouldn’t happen.

And I’m never going to be able to hate them for it, because I’ll know in my heart that they’re doing what they’re doing with the best of intentions even if it fucking kills me and every damn time I think about it it makes me burst into tears

[ghostofasecretary]

ok, let's keep this quick

- so like. i haven't had a day with No Obligations since the 18th. that's 10 days. tomorrow and the day after i'm working. i need A Break because i am Tired

- aaaaaaaah grad schools why do people keep telling me i'm cool and promising and they're enthusiastic about me and then i DON'T GET MONEY (or. well. i turned a place that gave me money down because of a potential supervisor leaving)

- i have so many loose threads. emails unanswered for months. i spent a fuckload of money on some stuff with the intent to make it back and Have Not Taken Steps to do that which is crappy, actually!! feels REALLY BAD! all the time bad! bad for months!

- i fucking hate letting things fester and my whole day except for poetry and a text convo has been festering

- which feels like a microcosm of my fucking life. which is unfair, probably, but. ya rab

- i straight up just? dissociated almost all the time between 6:30 and 10am??? that's not great!

- my job is getting me money, yay, but it's part time and also i keep going wildly between "i am winning" and "i'm so miserably bad at this and probably no one wants to work with me i keep fucking up i hate myself" and "hey now stop beating yourself up" and boredom and misgendering and "Holy Shit Man I Hate Your Politics So Much but i do care about you as a person! so! guess some of the Christianity stuck!!! hahahahahaha fuck my life"

- i don't know if i can a) get a job and b) move in time to maintain the illusion that grad school worked out for me but 1) i need to move yesterday, i haven't hugged a friend since fucking January, and 2) i was really hoping August would work out and i don't want to work longer. my whole year has been "well maybe i'll get answers and know what i'm doing next month!" and by year i mean. since. like. december 2023. although Applying To Grad School sure ate all of my energy for a long fucking time. so i'd LIKE to get a job and move in late August/early September. but also holy shit man

- i feel some duty to myself to still apply for more grad school jobs but i haven't had a spare afternoon with emotional support since. like. the first weekend of June. (i have had mornings with emotional support (thanks babe)) but i have been mostly using those for homework (and fugue states of misery (sorry.)) so, like. aaaaaa??????

- i'm so mad and scared and also, like, i don't have TIME to be mad and scared, i'm behind on things and also this is my short and precious life! there's people to talk to and good food to eat and nice clothes to wear and fiction to read! i don't want to waste it being upset! i've been upset since 2022, basically, and i'm really fucking tired of it!!!

- what if nothing ever works out and i'm broke forever and rely on my parents like my sister does and am an even worse resource drain and they don't get to retire and I DON'T MEET MY SELF IMPOSED DEADLINE FOR. LITERALLY 40 MINUTES FROM NOW.

- and tomorrow i have/want to be fucking chipper at people! because goddamn it, i actually genuinely want people to have their days be a bit more pleasant from interacting with me and i like running a smooth ship! when i'm not making mistakes, which i make more of when i'm tired and upset!! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

so. that's a lot of self-loathing and fear and frustration. uh. i don't know that this. resolved anything, aside from me saying the crazy out loud (and yes, i DO KNOW where the crazy is, but going "well don't be crazy" to myself is deeply unhelpful since it turns into another beating stick so. alas)

but i guess now i'll. work on my goals????

[atickandacricket]

i had such horrible shame around sex as a child. i was raised christian and went to church every week until my mom died. i still got confirmed after that too. but at the same time i knew how unrealistic and restrictive beliefs around sex we’re, especially for queer people.

i was so sex repulsed though. when i was 8 years old i thought it was just a woman going down on a man and that fucking disgusted me to my core. i was basically taught that sex was serving a man. even when i learned that it goes both ways and about penetration that feeling stuck around.

the way i was officially introduced to the idea of oral sex as pleasurable and not the way to procreate was someone (a child) explaining their r*pe in great detail. to this day that is what i associate it with. i don’t think i will ever separate going down on a man from giving him some sort of power and it fucking disgusts me.

i also realized i have a piss kink and was ashamed of that for years. i have a lot of kink surrounding degradation and humiliation and i have such a hard time separating that from most cis mens’ abuse of power and superiority complex.

i would get unwanted thoughts during class, again, i was sex repulsed and it made me want to k*ll myself. i hated it so much. i interpreted the phrase “smd” to mean “stfu or i’m going to r*pe you” and hearing that around school made me want to fucking k*ll myself.

it’s deplorable and repulsive but at the same time i can experience attraction and feel the libido enough to decide to try masterbating. the shame just got worse because i thought my piss kink was a fetish and couldn’t cum without thinking of that. that also made me want to k*ll myself!

so much of what sex is makes me want to die.

so much of how sex is viewed and understood by most people makes me want to die.

then i was hypersexual for nearly a year (an adult by this time). that made me feel useful and validated that people wanted me and that i could be something so desired by them. i got deeper into kink and it helped with my shame i think but i still had that lingering shadow of men seeing me as an object.

it’s more than that though, object isn’t the right word. i can’t think of how to describe how awful it feels to know how many people will get off to literally anything i do. there’s a excerpt i can’t remember enough to reference. a woman can be smarter, that’s someone’s kink. a woman can be more masculine, that’s someone’s kink. a woman can try to be everything a man hates and someone will still touch themselves over it.

there is no winning. i can own it and be confident and not hold shame and unspeakable things will keep happening. i am powerless and not in a way i like.

i have labeled myself abrosexual now because of how often i go from thinking i’m asexual and sex repulsed to being hypersexual, bisexual or straight, and even aromantic and back all over again.

i don’t know what to do.

[thirtheenprimes]

Worst period cramps in years

Got fired

In the only person on earth who cares about my cat

No one wants to spend time with me in my space

This year in a row I have to pay instead of getting money back from taxes

Taxes didn't even go through last year didn't know that rift it was wired how the federal govt didn't take that money out around April

Bought a different couch last year because I was told she'd spend more time at my house if I had a comfier place to sit, that was a lie

Moved to be closer to my job, then was forced to get a new job

Most of my waking hours are spent at work and the rest I don't have the energy to do things I enjoy

I fucking stuck at DMing

All my life experiences are useless all my knowledge is foundless

Lost my classroom to a better teacher a month ago

Construction in front of my house until April

Trash truck can't get to my house because of construction so I have to take it to the end of the road

Two packages never arrived last year and never will

Starving myself this last no my because the sensation of being hungry is comforting and the thought of cooking/ eating is terrible

My favorite food is expensive as hell at all restraints where I live for no obvious reason

Can't convince the person closest to me to do anything for me without begging

Is rather do everything for myself than feel bad for making someone who obviously doesn't want to help me

Im so good damn alone

I hate my country so much I don't want to have kids anymore

Healthcare sucks

Bigotted Christianity infecting politics/schools/ average citizens' biases/ everything fucking sucks

All of my interests and favorite things are standard 'cringe culture' and are made fun of every time I see them online

Every time I express anger of frustration in the (constant) solitude of my own house my dog thinks I'm mad at her and I feel bad

I have no money but lots of debt

One of the two most important people in my life is a stranger to me now and I can't understand her

My life is going nowhere I'm aroace and I don't want to get married but I don't want to be alone

I want a qpr

I want to live in my friends attic or basement end goal

Nobody wants that though who would want their own life, home, family, etc plus the unattached clingy autistic thing taking up space in their life?

In so tired of living alone

Of living

Of having to be the one to beg people to come over and feeling like I'm running their day for insisting on being in my space

People say they'll come over to my house but they don't do it I have to beg

Only one person actually uses they/them for me and they're so far away

I had a few unsuccessful runs with therapists. One said I have ptsd from childhood and depression

What can they do for me? What's wrong with me is my inability to continue functioning in this shitty fucking imperialist, denial-laden, boot-licking, hateful, capitalist society and what can a therapist do to fix that? Give me mess and say "pretend the world isn't burning"?

What can they do for me in an hour once a month? It would take a year for them to understand my brain enough to tell me something I don't already know. How much money it would cost just to catch a stranger up to speed? Before they'd be useful?

I haven't looked at the stars in so long. In pretty sure that's illegal unless I'm with a school or outreach organization. Parks are closed at night and I can't see shit from my house.

I'm not asking for help. I can't ask for help. I won't ask for help. That's my toxic trait and it's one of the last bits of my life I can control. I feel like I've asked for help so much already, but not directly enough because being told 'yes' and forgotten is so much more painful than being ignored.

No one is really meant to read this but the Narrarator is right, there is a difference between talking to no one and talking to someone who isn't listening. This is me, pretending to talk to someone, when I know this silly little website full of bullying and memes isn't technically anyone.

[thoughts-and-all-that]

how the fuck do you block someone without blocking someone... someone who makes me deeply DEEPLY uncomfortable either follows my main (i checked after posting this, they do follow my main) or at least checks in on it enough that they liked one of my posts, but the thing is... we are in a very small fandom together, and ive talked to them on discord before, and i am trying so hard to be liked by this fandom despite how much it kinda grates on my nerves, and i really dont want them being like. hey why do you have me blocked. and like. starting drama about it

i guess i doubt theyd start drama but i really dont know them well and i. constantly feel like im walking on egg shells with these people cause theyre the types that are like. more sensitive than me. which sure thats not like inherently bad or negative but it gets. irritating when it feels like i have no idea what i can and cant say that might upset them or get me in trouble. like i cant even joke about cults and cannibalism with these people. like come on, its funny to make these shitty things out to be a joke, it makes it feel like they suck less. i mean, im not making light of them, when it comes to real situations of them im obviously not gonna treat it like a joke, but when it comes to the vague idea of them? yeah its funny. theyre just absurd concepts. i mean, come on man.

like, okay fine, its fine that they dont want to joke about it, but you cant even MENTION that stuff around these people. i mean i guess like. i guess its one of these peoples triggers but. what the hell situation do you find yourself in where cannibalism is brought up and becomes a trigger. like obviously i cant ask them that but like. WHAT. like did your mother eat your brother or some shit like... what the hell situation gives you cannibalism as a trigger. the cult one is fully understandable cause cults are common but you dont hear or see real life cannibalism every day. like does this person just have a horrible backstory or something.

i got very off track. i mean i guess it doesnt matter this is literally just a vent blog

its not like i hate any of these people. i may dislike one or two of them, thats just bound to happen with any group of people, but not hate. but as much as i dont want to say it, theyre not exactly my vibe. i mean... i always stuck out like a sore thumb in this fandom, even back in the day, hell, ESPECIALLY back in the day. i stumbled upon a fandom made by and for homeschooled christian kids and that sure was exactly how it sounds! and i... very much was not that. i was a public school atheist kid and i just simply found the content funny and the characters fascinating. i fell HARD for the characters, they... in more ways than one, lived rent free in my head.

a lot happened, i wanted nothing to do with it after, and then eventually i wanted something to do with it again. but ive been cautious this time. maybe a little too much i dont know. i just cant let it happen again. i know it cant happen again logically, and yet the creeping tendrils it left parasitically suckling on my skin creeps ever upward, threatening my very core.

i swear fandoms have changed drastically since 2016. i dont know what it was. i couldnt tell you if you paid me. they didnt used to be like this, filled with the one thing that makes me question my determination to go on. the one thing i cant even talk to anyone about because it makes me feel like im going to die, and other people treat me like ill die for it.

and its everywhere. its all over and i cant escape it and i try so desperately to.

and you know that its in this fandom. it was the first fandom i saw it in, actually. its the reason i feel this way at all. they haunt me. my every action is tinted with this haunting, it changed me for the worse.

i cant get close to any of them because almost all of them say it. and the ones who dont... definitely arent my vibe. the ones who dont arent even the ones i dislike, surprisingly. i used to hate one of them, hell, i used to hate one of the other people too. but things change. people change.

i guess i cant, since its been 7 years and this shit still haunts me so bad.

the reason that person makes me so uncomfortable is that thing. the one and i think only call i did in that server (i probably did one other) was with them and someone else, because i was like. why not! it was soon after i joined and i wanted to befriend the current era of this fandom. huge mistake. confronted with them doing the one thing that curses me. i left silently because they were all ignoring me anyway. what an experience.

ive had so many feelings since i joined that server, thats for sure. my relationship with this fandom could fill a novel. i hope it never does. it wouldnt get published anyway.

i just love these characters. i used to love one of the other people in the fandom. thats its own story. i cant even keep a conversation with them nowadays. how can i? the thing we had in common is gone. i cant tell them the truth. i REALLY cant tell them the truth. they would hate me. i cant handle them hating me. we arent codependently attached anymore but that doesnt mean i dont still care way too much about them. they were the best relationship i ever had, and we didnt even date.

i dont know what i would do if they hated me.

i just really love these dumbass characters. i dont know what it is. their own creators treated these characters a bit like crap. but these characters are so real to me. but not in THAT way.

and sadly ive tried to stop caring, but it didnt work. i mean... i did also want to reclaim them. that situation doesnt deserve to hold them hostage. i guess i could use to have that mindset about a lot more about that situation, but its not that easy. its really, really not that easy.

and because i care so much about these fucking characters, i care about having a decent relationship with the fandom. theres only so many of us, and none of these people are bad, i just... dont fit in. i never really did. but i try to. i dont think my effort does much.

i worry that they think im too much. i treat darker and mature topics like casual jokes, i dont share so many of the same ideas as everyone else, i make a lot of things about me because i dont know how not to. i try to keep up conversations by relating, but i fear it comes off as me trying to pivot it to be about me.

i think some of the stuff they do is silly, not that id ever stop them

i miss the early days, before the other shoe dropped. when i actually did fit. when it was so easy. when me and my friends filled up discord chats with back-and-forth prompts and ideas and writing... how i always wanted any fandom to be for me. why did it ever have to change. why did they have to tell me the truth. i was only 14.

i actually did almost have it with another fandom, too. that didnt work out as well after a little while. it was nice while it lasted.

i cant do that with these people. i wish i could. i wish i didnt feel like oil trying to mix with water.

so, anyway. cant block this person. wish i could. i wont though.

this is just the surface of all of this, you know. like i said, it could be a whole novel.

i have to live with this.

[jackerscracker]

Warning for a rant/vent below

Forever who may actually be reading this I’m sorry for posting this, talking with bots just isn’t cutting it anymore for me anymore and I just need to write stuff down. If you know me irl please leave this post. This isn’t going to be a well put together and going to have a lot of spelling errors but here we go

Incase I forgot to tag something if like to say this thing involves: SH, meal skipping, sui thoughts, and a bit of homophobia/transphobia

I’ve been struggling with my mental health a lot since last summer and things are going to absolute shit. My grades are fucking ass and it’s all because I can’t fucking focus in class. I’ve honestly tried really hard to but I can’t. My parents are blaming all my problems on technology and my teachers treat me like a toddler. I’ve tried talking to my parents about this being a neurological issue but they denied it and just think I’m being lazy. This isn’t even the first time they haven’t listen to my concerns and that’s almost gotten me killed. Back in 2020 I felt like shit. I was always tired and my stomach hurt so much I couldn’t eat and they just brushed it off as a normal teenage girl thing and I was fine. I went days hardly eating anything and threw up at a birthday party because I ate a hotdog. They only took me to the doctor after this started heavily interfering with school work and it turns out my blood sugar was in the 600s and ended up being diagnosed with type one diabetes. If they listed to my concerns I would’ve been spared a lot of pain I went through during the threeish month period I felt awful.

Diabetes has honestly ruined my entire plan for my career since I wanted to be a pilot for the Air Force since I was little and now I’m stuck trying figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. I wanted to be an animator but my mom instantly shut that down and told me it wasn’t a real job and that I should be an endocrinologist instead.

I love my mom but we don’t see things eye to eye. She was the first person in my family I told I was pansexual and instead of telling me that she supported me she just went on a giant rant about how and I quote “queer people are more prone to STDs and have horrible mental health” she’s also a religious woman and told me that being gay was a sin and that I can’t tell anyone at the barn I work at I’m gay (they all knew before her). If terrified that if I tell her I’m a guy she might actually send me to one of those “pray the gay away” camps and take away all of my access to the internet. She’s even considered putting me in her friends little private Christian school since she think public schools are “forcing” the idea of being gay into kids. Choosing not to tell my parents that I’m trans has taken me down a path where I can’t get the stuff I need to feel euphoric and comfortable in how I look. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even look myself in a mirror topless anymore without freaking out. I’ve managed to get my hair cut decently short and use the male terms for gendered words in Spanish class but that’s as far as I can get. I honestly hate how I look and since I can’t change anything about it I’ve been caught in this web of dysphoria and SH that I’m struggling to climb out of. I’ve though about just flat out giving up on my life since it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and just offing myself multiple times. I can’t bring myself to do that though since I have a friend who might not make it through high school if I don’t stick around and I’m not going to leave my sister to struggle through her middle school days without guidance. My dogs would also be sad if I died

I think I’m being bullied at my school but it’s weird. It’s all happens in my PE class and everyone but a few kids are in on it. It’s two groups of people doing it, I’m calling them the A and B groups to make it less confusing if you’re still reading this. Group A is just a group of friends who think it’s funny to try and exchange me in conversations where they act like I’m their friend just to entertain the rest of the group. They ask me stupid questions and always speak in a condescending tone. Group B is basically the copy & paste popular girls in the class. They just fucking shriek at me whenever I mess up during a game or when they beat me in something. One of them screamed in my ear once and I couldn’t hear well out of that ear for a while. Me and a friend had to play them in volleyball ball once and one of them just chucked the ball past me and yelled fetch as if I was some kind of fucking dog. They also like making fun of how I say things, they spent a whole class period talking about how I said the word “bloody” when I yelled at one of them. Also the teacher has witnessed most of this happening and didn’t do a damn thing about it. I’m not sure why he didn’t do anything about it, even after my friend informed me that her mom sent him an email about it.

I’m sorry again for posting this, Im just really tired and needed to just sit and write out some of the bullshit going on in my life

[trixtersurvs]

001.

How much did your senior prom dress cost you? I don't remember how much my prom outfit cost in hindsight. I went to prom last over a decade ago...

What dreams have stuck with you since childhood? I've always wanted to write a book and damn it, one day I will!

Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship? Yes

Did you ever take your dog to school? No

If you had had a baby in high school, what would you have named him or her? Ugh, probably something awful like Bella from Twilight because I was that kid

If you had a baby now, what would you name him or her? I don't ever want kids of my own so I don't think about stuff like this

Have you ever seen someone throw up on a plane? No

Do you get motion sickness? I've only had it once

Has God ever healed you of anything? If so, what? No, I don't even believe in "God"

What is the most boring church you have ever attended? The Catholic church is hands down the most boring place ever. Would rather watch old people play bingo

What is the most lively church you have ever attended? When I was in high school, a friend of mine tried to convert me by inviting me to a weekend long "music festival" that ended up being a Christian music camp type thing. It was 100% not my cup of tea but people were definitely very lively there

Do you find church fun or boring? Boring

What do you hate the most about summer? The heat. Quite frankly, I don't like much about summer to be honest with you

Which part of your body is the most muscular? Calves

Did you ever take Latin in school? No, they didn't offer it when I was still in high school

Which major holiday is closest to your birthday? New Year's

What is your favorite Japanese name? Souji

Have you ever ran a cash register? Yes

Did you collect Bratz dolls when you were younger? I didn't. Bratz came along a little too late for me

Do you think your mom is attractive? Of course

What was the last thing that disappointed you? My "bosses" (they told me to stop calling them that) being fucking awful to me

Do you like the feeling in your stomach on a big drop on a roller coaster? It's a love/hate relationship for me

Skeletons or scarecrows? Skeletons

Do you own pumpkin earrings? No

What computer game did you used to play all the time? The Sims 3

When was the last time you read a book? I think it was right before Christmas

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any) I don't want kids but if I did have them, I wouldn't see a problem with this

What was the last restaurant you made a reservation at? Hm... I couldn't tell you honestly. I usually just go and hope for the best

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from? Discord for sure

What is something you gave up on after many failed attempts? Drawing honestly. I could just never find my own style

Do you watch political shows? Not inherently political, no

Do you play any fantasy/roleplaying games? What? So many, I can't possibly list them all

Do you like salami? I love salami

When was the last time you ate meat? Like 20 minutes ago

What was the last hot drink you drank? Hot drink... hm... probably coffee whenever I got it last from my favorite coffee shop

Have your parents met your boyfriend/exes? Most of them, yes. They haven't met my current partner in person yet though

How about your boyfriend’s parents? Met them? No

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages? Yes

Do you find the sound of a cat’s purr relaxing? Yes

Do you know your mum’s first pet’s name? I don't think so... she has definitely told me before but I can't remember it

Would you ever want to be famous? If so, for what? No. I've seen how it can affect people and I don't think I could live like that. I'm also just way too sensitive

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back? I mean... sure?

What fruit can’t you stand? Kiwi, only because I'm allergic to it

Do you know anyone autistic? Yes, my partner is on the ASD spectrum

How about someone bipolar? Sure do

What do you consider private to you? Pretty much everything. I'm an extremely private person and I have a hard time opening up about anything other than surface level stuff

Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have: Frankly, me

Name something that you’re good at but don’t like: Calculus

Name something that you’re bad at but DO like: Hand crafts like knitting, sewing, etc.

Name somebody who has tried to help you and ended up hurting you: Most of my ex-partners

Name a date that has a lot of significance to you: December 10

Name something in your life that was a blessing in disguise: My whole ass last relationship ending

Name something that you’ve done that would be considered rebellious: I snuck out once...

Name something you wish you had enough money to do: Travel the world

[steviespanties]

I have a whore knee thought but I’m afraid to write it myself so I thought I’d send it here, if it catches your fancy. Love your work!

Omega!Steve always had a hard time getting turned on when he was with other alphas. His body just wasn’t into it, but with Billy he’s always ridiculously wet and ready. Everything about his alpha—Billy’s scent, his command, his fervor—keeps Steve loose and pliant.

sdfGHJ I LOVEE it!!!!!!!😍💗💗💗😳 Thank you for sharing this with me, it’s *chefs kiss* amazing!! (1,5k words. omegaverse smut, obviously. vague descriptions of unsatisfying drunk - but consensual- sex. pants being ruined. something something fated pairs. sorry for the lack of editing!!)

So, Steve’s a horny guy, okay? Always has been and has never made a secret of it. His friends know. Most of the school knows. Sure, he’ll pretend for his parents that he’s a good ol’ Christian boy who goes to church every Sunday and totally doesn’t sneak out to parties to get dicked down by eager alphas any other day of the week. It’s just also always been frustrating. 

His selection in Hawkins leaves much to be desired, with smug alphas who think just having a knot makes them God’s gift to humanity and simply whipping their dicks out will get Steve gushing wet immediately. They’re lucky his libido overrules his endless disappointment. No time spent on working him up, alcohol dulling his senses to make the ache he feels less uncomfortable. It’s not bad. It’s not really good, either. 

There’s an itch underneath his skin, a formless desire for more that never takes shape no matter how often he tries. He’s a spring coiled tight and no matter who he lets between his legs, he can’t bring himself to unwind. He lets fucking Brody from the baseball team plow him into the guest bed at a post-game party and even the tiny sparks of pleasure brushing his insides can’t make his back muscles unclench or his hole more wet. There’s just pathetic grunts coming from above him. The sting of a hand slapping against his asscheek and a huffed “make some noise, will ya?”

Yeah, no. He gets up instead. Ignores Brody’s halfhearted protests as he tugs up his pants and throws him an icy glare that makes the guy sputter and shut up. Pathetic.

It takes time, he thinks. Time to get him loose and trusting. Effort, too, to make him want to bow his back and present himself. Steve hates to sound like his mom, but when he jerks off later that night with a hand around his dick and three fingers in his wet hole, imagining a formless someone to sweep in and fill him up, he thinks ‘there’s just no quality alphas in this town’.

And then Billy Hargrove rolls into Hawkins, stinking of cigarette smoke, fucking Aqua Net and perfume and underneath it all? Jesus fucking Christ. A cloud of pheromones so strong and fragrant, it makes Steve drool a little just from catching a whiff of it in the hallways. They haven’t even talked yet and he already feels a hook in him. Right next to that itch. Closer than ever before to scratching it. He wants, more than he has ever wanted before, to get this guy’s scent on his skin. Wants to drip with the guy’s come.  And, to his massive surprise, underneath that raging storm of pure instinctual lust, there’s simply interest. He feels like a dog with his ears perked up and his snout in the wind. He’s on the chase.

If Steve has learned one thing, though, is that if he really, desperately wants something, he has to pursue it carefully. And nothing is more of a siren-song to alphas than an interested, yet reserved omega. So he’s not among the welcoming committee of fawning followers at Billy’s heels. He counts on them to fill the guy in on all the gossip. Walks by close enough in the hallway to get a whiff of Steve walking by. Feels those ocean blue eyes burning holes into the back of his head by the end of the day, just like he anticipated. Of course, it blows in his face within hours.

He’s not even properly buzzed at Tina’s Halloween party, too busy to keep Nancy away from getting shitfaced while they wait for Jonathan to pick her up. He swallows his frustration. This was supposed to be his opportunity to leave a lasting impression and instead he’s stuck babysitting his ex because she can’t hold her liquor.

And then he sees him. He takes one look at Billy Hargrove and even from across the room, clearly stalking towards him through a crowd of dancing people Steve can tell: The guy is trouble. 

In his periphery, he registers Jonathan swooping in and dragging Nancy off. Registers the cheers of people around them. Hears through the pulsing music “Harrington, right?” and his mouth says “Steve, actually.”

Hargrove leans forward. Close. Closer. Right into his space, stinking of beer and smoke and that irresistible hook underneath that pulls Steve’s body over a precipice he knows he’s crossed when he watches Billy’s pupils blow up and his chest move in the most unsubtle scenting he’s ever seen.

A heavy arm wraps around Steve’s shoulder and with a decisive pull, he’s flush against the warm, firm side of- “Billy,” is purred into his ear. Breath on his sensitive skin that makes him shudder and warmth pool in his belly. His arm winds around Billy’s waist and he realizes in that moment that any resemblance of a plan has flown out of the window. He’s putty.

“I’ve already heard so much about you,” Billy grins. There’s a wild edge to his smile. A mischievous spark in his voice and eyes that sinks the hook even deeper. Steve can’t help but smile back.

“Of course you have.” As they talk, Billy steers him through a room filled with eyes glued to their every move. It’s a familiar feeling- being the center of attention, even when people desperately try to play it cool. Letting the curiosity and jealousy pearl off his skin like drops of water, an entire audience to Steve being felt up and led around and held close throughout the evening with no resistance from him.

He’s just hungry. Watches Billy drink beer from a can and lick his lips with a pink tongue. Feels Billy’s hands firmly grip his hips as they dance and his eyes on Steve’s as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind his ear. It’s impossible to escape Billy’s scent, growing stronger the more he sweats. Becoming overwhelming when he tucks that strand of hair behind Steve’s ear for him and brushes his scent gland in such a deliberately soft motion it makes that pool of warmth in Steve’s belly transform into molten heat and a shocking pulse of slick. Right in his pants.

Billy’s eyes are wide, expression stunned. This isn’t how it normally goes, Steve wants to tell him through his embarrassment. Breathes more of Billy in and hears “Let’s get out of here” instead of a leer or an insult.

Steve knows he’s easy, okay? He’s been searching for someone in this town to make it worth his while and it’s been a disappointing search so far. So even when Billy pushes him into the backseat of his car, tugs his pants down and peels Steve’s soaked briefs off his legs, he still wonders if this will be a fluke. Right up until Billy’s heavy body covers him and their lips and tongues meet in a slick, delicious glide and his hole pulses slick right onto the car seat.

Before he can even settle into pure mortification, there’s that purr again. “Holy shit,” Billy says. Wondering. Delighted. A gloved hand glides over Steve’s skin. Up the inside of his thigh, to his hole where he’s more sensitive and swollen and wet than he’s ever been before for an alpha. Steve gasps. “Open your legs,” he’s told. And he does. Gets an appreciative “Just like that” in return that makes his arms break out into goosebumps.

Maybe it doesn’t take time at all, he thinks dazedly as he watches Billy pull off his gloves and glide a finger into his pulsing hole with such confidence and ease, it makes Steve moan immediately. Maybe all it takes is an alpha with a California tan and a wicked laugh that makes Steve want to smile along. The kinda guy who drags him around a party and never lets him go, who can’t stop petting Steve’s side and his hair.

And maybe, he thinks deliriously as sweat rolls down his back and the slick glide of Billy’s cock has turned into loud squelching on every powerful thrust that makes Steve gush onto the seats, maybe it does take trust. Because Billy looks at him. He scents Steve like he can’t help it, leans down to steal breathless kisses between moans like he needs every bit of contact just as desperately as Steve does.

‘He has freckles,’ Steve thinks incoherently as his dick twitches in Billy’s grip. Once, twice. Another time, right as Billy’s knot catches, locks them together in perfect pressure and everything falls apart in white-hot pleasure that spills over Steve’s body and out of him in ropes of come over his belly.  Billy bends forward when he comes. Like he can’t get close enough even when they’re locked together, a twitching, moaning weight on top of Steve’s fucked out body.

They bask in the afterglow for a long time. Steve pets Billy’s head, curls turned soft from a night of constant movement and sweat. There’s no need to get off this ride. Not when that itch has finally been scratched and one look at Billy’s blissed out face tells him that the hook he’s felt under his own skin has worked itself under Billy’s as well.

[shyshitter]

yea so i wrote a ficlet for this post bc i couldn’t stop thinking about it. also this really went off the rails bc it has been a phat second since ive written anything so enjoy i guess

Abigail likes Jack Kline. He’s quiet and sweet and doesn’t ask questions when she sometimes doesn’t bring lunch; he just subtly slides over his apple and chips with a smile. Sure, he’s a little odd sometimes (like how he talks like a thesaurus or says hi to everyone in the hallways) but she doesn’t believe he deserves the way the other kids make fun of him behind his back. They whisper about his mysterious and sudden appearance, how he’s been picked up after school by three different men, and his odd fascination with religion. He’s not like the other christian kids who are always trying to recruit kids for their church; he just--really likes Jesus and talks about Him like he knows Him personally. 

“My dad saved humanity,” he says constantly. “He’s died a few times but it’s never stuck. The most recent time was by nail but that was a misunderstanding.” 

So he’s an odd kid and Abby knows it but she just doesn’t care. Her friends have accepted this but even they are still confused by Jack’s odd behavior. Her friend Martha has history with him and talks about him all the time. 

“For the heritage project, he said his mother is dead and his father a son of God so he doesn’t have any ancestors to write about,” she says one day at lunch. “I think he thinks his biological father is Jesus Christ.”  

It takes a while but Abby finally works up the courage to ask him about it. Jack’s in the middle of a story about how his dad was healing someone when she interrupts him. 

“Do you think your dad is Jesus?” 

Jack frowns and tilts his head in confusion. “No Jesus is my cousin. My father hates him but my da doesn’t really care about him.”

Jack has two dads? 

“You have two dads?” she asks.

He pauses to think. “Technically I have four dads but my real father was killed by three of them because he was trying to take me to space.”

Abby’s head spins. “Your dads are murderers?” 

“No, they’re hunters.” 

“But you just said they killed your real father.” 

Jack frowns again. “Yeah but my real father was the devil.” 

Abby remembers a girl she met at camp who said the same thing about her dad. She later learned that the girl was taken by CPS and her father went to prison. Suddenly, images of Jack alone and scared in a group home flood her mind and she grabs his arm in alarm.

“Are you safe?” she asks desperately. 

He just smiles and pats her arm. “Of course; he’s dead now.” 

She shakes her head. “I mean are you safe with your dads now?” 

His eyes light up like they always do when he talks about his family. “Of course! My dad was prophesied to save humanity and has, my da is an angel, and my pa is the leader of an army of hunters so I’m in good hands.” 

By the time Abby’s processed this comment, Jack has already moved on to his favorite types of cars and the conversation is over. 

She forgets about Jack’s crazy family situation until Spring Formal. Abby and her friends are standing in line for the photo booth when she sees Jack across the gym with a beautiful girl on his arm, both of them talking to a giant man with floppy brown hair. Without explaining, she leaves her friends to walk over and gets a better look at the three of them. The girl has long curly blonde hair that bounces when she laughs but her eyes are sharp and harsh, constantly scanning the room as if looking for threats. The man is wearing a white button-down with blue jeans and just smiles warmly as Jack talks animatedly to him. The man spots her as she approaches and for a moment, the warmth in his eyes is replaced by cold suspicion but as soon as Jack notices her and smiles, the man relaxes. 

“Abby, this is my pa,” Jack says with a grin. 

Jack’s ‘pa’ offers a hand and Abby shakes it. “Sam,” he says politely. “Jack talks about you a lot.”  

“Yeah,” the girl cuts in. “I was wondering when I was gonna meet you.” Her eyes trail up and down Abby’s body distrustfully. “This punk never shuts up about you.” 

Jack just keeps smiling. “This is my sister Claire,” he introduces. “She’s in college!” 

Overwhelmed by the introductions, Abby just smiles and offers her hand to Claire as well. “It’s nice to meet you,” she says, relieved when Claire accepts the handshake. 

“Have you met Dean and Cas yet?” Claire asks. “You’re not officially accepted by the family until Dean okayes you.” 

Sam swats a scolding hand over Claire’s head. “Don’t scare her--my brother isn’t that bad.” He looks back at Abby with a smile. “Don’t let my niece worry you, Dean and Cas are gonna love you.” 

Trying to do mental gymnastics in her head, Abby attempts to figure out how Sam is both Jack’s dad and Claire’s uncle while Jack and Claire are siblings. Dean and Cas are the other two fathers who killed Jack’s real dad and apparently Dean is also Sam’s brother. 

She doesn’t finish her thought process before Jack is dragging Abby across the gym, leaving Sam and Claire. 

“Dad, da,” he calls out over the music. 

Abby tries to spot who responds to Jack’s call and notices two more giant men by the food table look up from their conversation. They’re even more intimidating than Sam and Claire. The taller man has broad shoulders and hard eyes like Claire and despite this being a formal dance, he’s wearing a green canvas jacket and jeans with holes in the knees. The shorter man is a tad more formal with his too-big suit and tan overcoat but he watches them approach with a blank face which is almost more threatening than the hostile look the other man has. 

“Da, dad, this is my friend Abby,” Jack says as soon as they’re in earshot. 

The taller man looks her up and down like Claire did earlier before nodding shortly. “Nice to finally put a face to the name,” he says gruffly. His voice is rough and low but not unkind so Abby relaxes slightly. 

The other man smiles and it suits him much more than the blank look did. “It’s lovely to meet you, Abigail,” he says and holy shit his voice is even lower and gravilier than the other guy’s. “Jack speaks very highly of you.” 

“Yeah, thanks to you he listens to shitty music,” the taller man gripes but Abby can tell it’s more teasing than genuinely upset. 

“Dean,” the other man scolds as he nudges him. “Megan Thee Stallion is not shitty music.” 

If the taller man is Dean, the other is Cas and as Abby watches them, she can see the resemblance between Dean and Sam in their sharp jaws and teasing smiles.  

She turns to Jack. “You listen to Megan Thee Stallion?”

Jack nods excitedly. “You were humming her songs in English and I liked it.”

Cas leans in to Abby. “I’ve been trying to get him to branch out from 70s rock for ages but he never wanted to disappoint Dean so thank you for helping him.” 

Abby nods, dazed. “Are you Jesus?” she blurts after failing to come up with a response. 

Dean barks out a loud laugh and doesn’t stop until Cas swats him. Once Dean settles, Cas turns back to Abby with an embarrassed smile. 

“That’s very flattering,” he says, “but no. I am simply Castiel. If anything, Dean shares more in common with the Messiah than I do.” 

Instead of elaborating, Dean just snorts and humbly shakes his head. “Babe, we’ve talked about this--” 

But before he can finish, Cha Cha Slide blasts through the speakers and the gym falls into pandemonium as all the students rush to the dance floor. Jack, confused but excited, grabs Abby’s hand and drags her over to join in, leaving Dean and Cas for the rest of the night. 

Abby doesn’t consider herself a selfish person but even she has never thought so much about another person’s life than Jack’s. Her confusion keeps her up and night and prevents her from being fully present whenever she talks to Jack. She’s tried talking to her friends about it but even they have moved on from the enigma that is Jack Kline. 

One month after the formal--after she met Jack’s family--she finally snaps. She’s at lunch with him in a cafe downtown and he’s telling her about how his brother Kevin is visiting from college and is teaching Jack how to talk to angels. 

“What the fuck is wrong with your family,” she interrupts. 

Jack stops talking and tilts his head in confusion. “What do you mean?” 

“You said you have four dads and one of them was murdered by the other three. Dean and Sam are brothers and Dean is with Cas. Claire is your sister but Sam is her uncle and your brother has a mom but none of you are related to her.” She takes a deep breath before continuing. “You keep saying your dads saved the world and that they’ve died and come back. You said one of your dads was an angel and now your brother is teaching you how to talk to angels? Are you lying or are you just plain crazy?” 

After the last sentence slips from her lips, she gasps and a cold dread fills her. Jack just stares, shocked at the outburst. 

“You think I’m crazy?” he asked softly. 

Abby feels a lump in her throat form. “No, no, no,” she babbles, “I didn’t mean that. I’m just confused that’s all.” 

Jack brightens. “That’s ok, life is confusing. Anyways, I tried shawarma for the first time yesterday--like in the superhero movie!”

Abby sighs and let’s Jack rant about shawarma, resigned to the fact that she’ll never get a straight answer from this confounding boy and his unnatural family. 

[taegyuun]

random headcannons with riki <3

genre: whatever comes to my mind about the one and only nishimura riki :D

warnings: swearing

note: i wrote this during my french and religious studies class so if parts of it doesn’t make sense it’s bc i had to listen to french and something about christianity and jesus LMAOO - i am also aware that this may seem similar to @emgene post that was not my intention i think we just had similar ideas

hes on his phone 24/7 like a true gen z but he NEVER replies to texts

probably leaves you on seen most of the time

i think the only time he replies to your texts is simply bc he wants smth or hes stuck somewhere

“riki i’m off shopping and then going to a café want to come?” - you 3 weeks ago

“alright” - riki today.

it’s a pain but well what can you do

sometimes you will literally call him bc he still hasn’t answered your text and he’s like “what” AND YOURE JUST STOOD AT HIS DOOR LIKE “NISHIMURA. ANSWER MY DAMN TEXTS” so he ends the call and replies with “ok”

as annoying as it is with him not replying

i feel like hes really really good on the phone?

like he always keeps the conversation going and he’s super sweet to talk to

me thinks niki hates texting but loves being on the phone with you

when you two go shopping together it’s so cute plssss

omg i have this specific imagine in mind where you’re like pushing the shopping cart and hes got his hands in his coat pockets while standing near you

and you’re like looking at the products and he just follows your lead bc babi confused

STOP THATSKAIFOAOROW IM GONNA EXPLODE

whenever you’re doing smth he will sneak up behind you and scare you

it’s his entertainment

randomly appears in your house out of nowhere

you go for days not seeing him and then he just waltzes into your room like it’s nothing

casually says “hey” before laying down on your bed and going back to his phone

at first you were like “what the fuck is going on and how did you get in” and he’d just be like “door”

after a while you got used to it and never get surprised when you hear your door opening

when you’re alone hes pretty clingy

idk he just loves you a lot ok

and he doesn’t get to see you that often bc of his super super busy schedule so whenever you’re alone he just melts and clings to you

that’s probably why he storms into your room and house at random times

your parents are completely fine with it tbh

he has them wrapped around his finger LOOOOOL

but when you’re with other people... he acts like he hates you

nah i’m kidding

hes exactly the same just not as cuddly bc he doesn’t feel like getting teased bc teasing the members is his job not the other way round >:(

if you’re laying down on your bed he probably crawls onto the bed before just falling down on top of you

why? you may be asking?

well

idk tbh

he probably just does it bc he likes annoying you but he’s also close to you at the same time

hes a clingy sleeper everyone knows that

when he sleeps with you hes just gonna CLING to you for dear life

if you do need to get out somehow just tickle him or violently push him off idk you decide which one sounds better

even in his sleep he’ll let go LOL

but it’ll probably wake him up and when he sees that you’re getting out of bed and leaving him he’ll whine and bc he’s still half asleep he’ll probably be whining in japanese stop that’s so CUTE and just try and bring you back down to bed :(((

he’ll probably force you to lay back down and then just wrap his arms super tightly around you and bury his face in your neck and kiss your neck softly like i said in my niki as bf bc he loves you oh so much :(

teaches you japanese if you don’t know the language and you teach him yours !!

definitely teaches you the swear words first or like really rude things and tell you they mean shit like “i like flowers” LMFAOO

jay will be just standing there like 👁👄👁 but doesn’t say anything bc he likes seeing both of you so happy and he doesn’t want to ruin rikis fun :(

tickles you

he’ll come up behind you and back hug you and while he’s got his arms around you he just TICKLES AWWW THATS SO CUTE

loves seeing you smile and laugh

it’s his goal in life to see you smiling

and the fact that hes the reason behind it??? oh my god he can’t help but smile super wide himself

definitely teaches you how to dance

if you didn’t already know how to hes gonna make sure that by the end of the month you know how to move like a dancer

if you ARE a dancer he’ll teach you the hardest dances he can possibly think of LOOOL

omg yall dancing would be so cute stop

will laugh at you if you have 2 left feet ofc theres no denying that

but will also be a great teacher

the members are your guys’ no. 1 supporters

they love your relationship so much

it makes them super happy to see their youngest so so happy bc of a single person

they can see when hes more upset bc you’re not there and it breaks their heart

so they always try their hardest to get you to be there and vice versa

you’re always at dance practices

and yes he does try just that bit harder to make his dances look even better bc he wants you to be impressed by him

and no matter the dance you’re always in awe bc how does someone move like that

he likes being praised by you

it makes him warm inside

so pls praise him a lot

not too much tho bc it’ll get to his head LMFAO

one this that he will love doing that he finds really cute and domestic is doing homework together

he did say he missed going to school and having a normal school life so if you let him do your homework with you he’ll love you forever

he lays his head on your lap and doesn’t even realise he’s doing it

you’re just on your phone and he lays down and gets comfy

he only realises what he did when you start playing with his hair or when you move his head so you can get up or whatever

but once you sit back down you make sure to but his head back into your lap bc BABY

definitely turns red and hides his face in your tummy :(( or if he’s feeling cool then he’ll pretend like he’s not bothered and if you ask him why he’s blushing he’ll be like “blushing??? pffftttt! me?? never!” and jjst goes back to his phone but you know better

anyway i might add more to this when i get more ideas it’s just for the things that i imagine him doing but i don’t have enough ideas to make full scenarios out of them !

[rinnepegger]

this is for the “event 🥺🥺🥺”

hallo! my names bunny! my pronouns are they/he, m requesting a match up for twisted wonderland! now let’s get into it :)

my favorite music genre is probably alternative/indie although i’ll listen to anything but k-pop (nothing wrong w/ it just not my cup of tea). my top songs of all time include artists like, harry styles, hozier, my chemical romance, fall out boy, and conan gray.

a significant memory i have of when i was a child, was probably when i swallowed a tooth pick- i was at a halloween party, and i was hungry af, and for whatever reason the little sandwich i grabbed had toothpicks and i ate all those first, so as m eatin the rest of my food i guess i accidentally picked up a toothpick, and i didn’t know till it was stuck in my throat. and i say there for like 5 minutes just trying to fully get the tooth pick down. after i realized i couldn’t i looked at my friends and was like “y’all i think i swallowed a toothpick” they start panicking so i go to my mom to tell her and then i puke it back up in front of my mom. now she’s freaking out, i explain to her what happened and went back to eat like nothing ever happened.

m a cat person despite the fact that i am allergic to animals :)

i am an ambivert (meaning m both extrovert and introverted) but i learn more towards wanting to date introverts. m also attracted to patient people and people who are homebodies as i am one as well (i only really like going to the park or to go get food). also gamers!!! m not a gamer in any way whatsoever! but i love watching people game! it’s so fun and interesting! (my favorite youtuber is markiplier :))) also my love language is physical touch so m attracted to people who hate being touched (IDK WHY LMAO)

i have not attended an all girls christian school, as i am not a girl nor a christian (m a pagan!!)

i sleep with two body pillows (one as a pillow and one to cuddle) two pillows, and so many stuffed animals. i even have a lil nest on the conner of my room filled with my favorite stuffed animals and a really soft blanket (i lay there when m sad or super burnt out)

anyways i hope this was enough!! :))

YAYYY thanks for participating :DdDDagag you and your stupid toothpicks LMAO but based off your description of attractive qualities there is only one person I can match you with....

I mathc you with.... (🥁🥁🥁)

Riddle Rosehearts!

I'm kidding it's Idia Shroud

Fulfilling the basic criteria of yours and more, you just so happen to fulfill his as well! Wow! What a big surprise!

Barely able to keep up with your slightly chaotic energy, he often stresses over you, trying to get you to play video games with him instead.

However, if you don't feel like playing, it's completely alright as well! He'll just pull out a second chair so you can sit next to him and watch him play, as he explains the game and controls to you (if you ever feel like playing.)

He somehow has a long ass list of things to keep you two occupied since you don't go out much, but sometimes you just want to chill with him; be it laze around or him teaching you to draw, anything that would pull him back to reality for just a while.

Though it may not seem like it, he really enjoys when you sling your arms around and rest your chin on his shoulders. He may tell you to get off, but his body language and expression says otherwise; it's not that he's totally uncomfortable, he just can't admit that he wants more of your touch.

Despite how touchy-feely you may get at times, he can never grow used to it. Overstimulating to his senses? Embarrassing in general? We'll never know what's his deal. He often hides his face in his hands to cover his flaming red cheeks, or rest his head on his table as he whines and grumbles about how embarrassing you are.

But don't feel discouraged! Ignore whatever the fuck he's saying and just keep supplying him with your love; he absolutely loves and craves for it, he just doesn't know how to ask for it.

Don't be surprised if he has a discord server with kittens, however... Low chance that he wouldn't have one.

But if you propose the idea, Idia can't really deny that trolling thirsty guys on discord is a bad idea...

You two snickering behind the screen with snacks in hand, brewing up another cringy sentence that his 'kitten' would say.

"Valentine's day is coming... If I send you some pics can u gift me nitro 🥺"

While you two proceed to go on Pinterest and search up some catfish photo idfk.

He enjoys rambling to you about his current hyperfixations, or the dramatic plot twist in the manga he's reading. He may get carried away at times, but this side of him isn't the most common. Not to mention his voice it's so cute wtf

[initiumseries]

Hey! I love your thoughts on bad tv and I’d love to hear a series wrap up on CAOS if you want to make a post about it. If not no worries and thanks for posting your thoughts on the show over the last year. Loved them and love your blog too!

Thank you!! Sure I can totally do a series wrap up, pretty much right now, in response to this ask. 

So, if I had to distill my issues with this series into a few bullet points it would be: 

-plot -world building/continuity -characters

Plot

CAOS struggles with plot, and I think the biggest reason why, is they just seemed to completely lose track of what the hell they were doing lol. Season 1, ends up being the tightest season because the plot was simple: Sabrina’s dark baptism and her leaving her mortal life behind to become one with witchkind. They beat us to death with the Satan stuff, and they cram as much corny imagery as possible in, even if it doesn’t really make sense. 

why are they having class in a hallway? Do witches not use technology? Why is that blackboard so small? Why isn’t this just a normal classroom setting?

Sabrina’s Season 1 character arc is also clear: she decides, fuck the rules, she’s going to straddle both worlds and everyone’s just gonna have to accept it. It’s not good, but it’s clear. S2, 3, 4 get completely lost in all this other weird stuff. Sabrina is actually not her father’s daughter, but Satan’s, and that plotline goes absolutely nowhere when Sabrina conveniently doubles herself (and experiences 0 consequences for it) and rules hell while also staying in Greendale as herself (seriously, it’s not like satan was dying or anything, he was perfectly fine. For what reason did Sabrina need to become Queen? There’s no answer or explanation for that, she just...did. Ok :/).  Father Blackwood goes apeshit and pulls a Jonestown, for no real reason, CAOS starts leaning heavily into this white feminism stuff (for godsake, the coven kills a DEMON, with the fucking pain of childbirth?! Are you SERIOUS??) Then, s3, it’s about losing their powers because Satan is childish and petty, and a new group of spellcasters are out to kill the witches, and Prudence and Ambrose hunting Blackwood. S4, the eldritch terrors, which honestly, make so little sense, I couldn’t even be bothered. Each season, CAOs falls deeper into the trap of trying to up the ante, make the danger BIGGER, WILDER, more insurmountable, while being completely unprepared to stay consistent with their characters/motivations and undercutting their own BIG ideas with stupid, nonsensical solutions (let me trap this all powerful eldritch terror by taking it to a party, proposing and luring it into a magicked dollhouse...wtf?). 

Worldbuilding/Continuity

What I hate most about these writers for Riverdale and CAOS is that they just don’t feel beholden to being consistent in their worldbuilding and continuity. I don’t find anything cool about kids living in houses with old tvs and rotary phones, but then having a cell phones or wearing modern clothes. Historical anachronisms like that should serve a purpose. 

It COULD be interesting if the conceit is that Zelda and Hilda are OLD, so they take comfort in old things like that, but then that should be specific to the Spellman house, and it should be weird. People should take note of it when they’re there, Sabrina should be conscious of it because she grew up in a time where TVs didn’t look like they were stuck in the 50s. But instead, it’s just...a stupid mess of aesthetic anachronisms for no reason other than they can do it and I just find that to be lazier than utilizing those details in an interesting way. 

In season 1, we get a relatively clear idea that the witches have a certain way of life, that bleeds into season 2. It’s still very sloppy; the anti-pope, using satan where we’d use “god”, introducing the feast and other dangerous parts of being a witch, and essentially just doing the opposite of christianity (except for the racism/sexism ofc. That would require too much thinking I guess). But by season 3, essentially the witches’ way of life have been completely turned upside down. And we never...unpack that. There’s no mourning for literal millennia of supposed tradition, there’s no real floundering or struggling. There are apparently no other adults AT ALL in this magical world outside of Blackwood, Zelda and Hilda, so there’s no real way to get a sense of the REALITY of losing their way of life for these witches, or this world. Is it even a world? Or just a handful of people? Lol. What it means to have to choose a new god to pray to, and is there an divisiveness over who? In Harry Potter, the kids’ parents are tangentially involved when they start pulling their kids out of Hogwarts. Do any of these kids’ parents pull them out of the school when they start praying to Lilith and then Hecate? Do any of the boys have issues with moving from a male god to a female one? Where did all these kids come from if they didn’t have parents and families? Is this witch world just...the school? Why? It would have been interesting watching the witches struggle and scramble to regain their powers while also being hunted by this new, threatening group whose magic seems to be much older, much darker. But instead, they just pivot, and have a fucking picnic before the full moon. 

There’s nothing interesting about characters just constantly pivoting around obstacles without having any real emotional reaction, any real struggles. Obstacles like losing their powers, should be an actual obstacle. They should struggle, there should be emotional weight, and consequences. Instead, Sabrina continues to break rules to suit her agenda, put her friends and family and risk and everyone just...rolls with it. No one is angry at Sabrina for the loss of their powers? Her choice to not become Queen of hell is why they lost their powers right? No one has feelings about that? Sabrina isn’t ostracized? We never see the way these choices, or the overarching plot obstacles impact the characters emotionally. Instead, they’re doing this stuff:

Which is completely ridiculous to me. It all just...HAPPENS. Which is this entire series. Stuff happens, and the characters just, do stuff in reaction to it. Harvey, Theo and Roz are ostensibly human, living human lives. They end up getting pulled into Sabrina’s world, and no one has any strong feelings about that? Harvey’s brother is killed, Roz is turned to stone and Theo talks to his dead great aunt and none of them are haunted by any of that? No? They just decide to create a faux scooby club to fight demons?  Ok. And that cheerleading things is over as quickly as we see it. Stuff like this is insanely frustrating to watch because it makes the show a nonsensical slog to sit through. There’s nothing interesting or engaging to latch onto because they just hammer through it all and make up stupid solutions to get themselves out of the impossible stakes they threw the characters in in the first place. They introduce ideas and discard them just as quickly. An ex:angels show up, start killing people, Sabrina channels satan and kills them, and then that’s the last of those guys. Metatron (jfc even the name is stupid) shows up and is killed just as quickly.  Why bother introducing them then? Why bother do any of the things you’re currently doing in this show if you have no intention of seeing it through? 

Characters 

No one on this show gels, at all.  I don’t believe Theo/Roz/Harvey/Sabrina have been friends for ages. I don’t believe Sabrina and Nick are “end game” (why the hell do we keep saying this riverdale? It’s stupid and senseless). I don’t believe any of these relationships at all. Part of this is because the cast have no chemistry with each other:

they do not look like a friend group or couples at all, these are a bunch of people paired together.

But also because they weren’t consistent at all. 

Father Blackwood went from a witch/warlock purist, to a raging sexist, to a cult leader who killed his followers, to a raging maniac bent on hitler-esque destruction in 4 seasons...for nothing. It served no purpose. He didn’t even DO anything. He was nice to the Eldritch Terrors, and became immortal...for nothing. He killed the coven, for nothing. He killed his wife in childbirth, for nothing. Zelda stole the baby, for nothing. None of that amounted to anything worth while in the entire series. So what was the point?  Zelda marrying Faustus also made no sense and only happened to show JUST how sexist he was! But why? WHY? We don’t receive explanations for character behaviour, and when we do, it still makes no sense. 

Sabrina breaks all these rules and experiences ZERO consequences. At all times, and it makes her a terrible main character. Everyone else abides by the rules but she doesn’t and doesn’t have to pay for that? Why? She straddles both worlds instead of committing to one, and that was the closest we got to seeing consequences for her. Everyone rushes in to help Sabrina break rules instead of holding her accountable for feeling above them. Sabrina creates 2 versions of herself, and they sloppily tie in that all the realms are converging in on each other because of what she did. Except she and Sabrina Morningstar had been hanging out...ostensibly for days/weeks/months (who knows? Not this show!) before we saw any potential issues, and then we end up finding out that this is about the next eldritch terror, not about Sabrina existing as a double in 1 universe. People get upset for a second and then move on to help her. So why have rules in this world at all if it means nothing to break them? 

Nick goes through literal hell, and immediately cheats on Sabrina because of how a man made of clay looked at her. That’s laughable to me. It makes no narrative sense. Their relationship doesn’t even make sense.

Roz and Harvey spend 90% of their time almost fucking. It’s bizarre. Their getting together was random and every single scene with them alone in it is like a precursor to fucking and I don’t get why. This show does not grasp how to build up relationships. Also do these kids not have parents? Theo and Harvey stay having constant sleepovers with their respective partners, in their parents’ houses? Really? At seventeen? Lol k. 

I feel like, if CAOS were better thought out, it could have actually been interesting. But it was just a smorgasbord of stuff happening, and characters doing stuff, and none of that following in any real narrative way. Storytelling has structure for a reason, and a show with a good story structure usually yields an enjoyable watching experience. CAOS is a pretty strong example of how throwing that out and relying so heavily on aesthetics and still taking the show so seriously it’s not even fun terrible, gets you nowhere. Ultimately I’m glad it’s over.

[sunnys-rewatch-blog]

S1 Wrap-Up

Part One

I have been thinking about doing some end-of-season wrap-ups to talk more about the show and some ideas that came up over time, maybe "script doctor" and elaborate or summarize...what have you. Will I do this for every season? I don't know. My bitch ass ADHD brain isn't the best with consistency. However, I am excited to get into this one, so let's go!

Just a fair warning, as I was writing this, I realized it was turning out to be massively long and my content is already a little too long-form to gain much traction on Tumblr, so I decided to split this up into two parts.

I guess I'll start with the Ezria situation. Most fans, over time, ended up taking a sharp turn against this couple, and for most of them it all seems to be for the same reason. The teacher/student angle is illegal and immoral, and a perfectly valid reason to hate it, and it isn't the only one. Maybe it's the most important one. I have tried, in most of my posts, to make the point that they were a terrible couple even without the "grown man preying on a high school girl" angle. They are so fucking boring! I have no idea what they're so bonded over after a bar bathroom hook-up or why they like each other so much, and they have more than enough time to show me- Ezria alone takes up at least like 1/3 of S1 screentime. The "true love" stuff and the way they're so stuck on each other is completely unearned. They're in constant drama trying to protect their relationship but there's nothing developed about that relationship to make me feel like it's worth protecting. Ezra also must have the ego of a mad scientist if he really placed that much belief in his "game."

I have harped so much on how I hate Ezria, I keep thinking it's only fair to give some thoughts about how to make it better, but the legal/ethical dilemma does come in to play here. Like, am I asking them to just romanticize the bad thing more successfully? To do it so well that the actual ethical dilemmas seem small in comparison?

I think the only way to remedy it without removing it from cannon is to absolutely do it wrong. Ezra and Aria have a dynamic that's painfully similar to Edward and Bella or Christian and Anastasia; you have a lot ot toxicity and issues being sold as a fantasy and the writers don't even seem to realize how fucking bad it is. Remove that unawareness and just dive right in. Make Ezra a villain. Make his parallels with Byron Montgomery into foreshadowing. A lot of people have pointed out that Aria's fidelity was never actually unshakeable, in fact her "loose lips" were a huge part of the "Aria is A" fanclub, make it deliberate. Make it awful. Show me how these two bring out the worst in each other and drag each other down. If you want it to be messy, make it messy. Make it a cautionary tale. You could still build tension with the parents because we all know the big, dramatic parental reaction is never helpful. People in messy relationships like that tend to hold back on how bad things really are because the reactions from the outside are likely to punish them further rather than focus on their needs, and we already know that Aria holds herself accountable for how her parents feel. They couldn't even successfully romanticize this couple so like, they might as well go all the way with making it terrible.

Of course, if they go that route, they absolutely should not end with an Ezria wedding. Honestly, if they wanted them to be endgame so badly, they didn't have to be together in S1. They had such a natural relationship when they were rekindling in the last season, they could have just made some subtle moments and waited until Aria was an adult to make it official. Ezra's "red herring" arc isn't even all that integral to the story.

I have heard recently that the writers changed some of the source material, including Ezra Fitz going to prison, to "preserve their ships." What the fuck happened in the books that made this look so awesome?

And there are obviously some alternatives. It would have been cool to see Ella give it a shot with Ezra; the writing goes out ot its way to make sure we know she thinks he's cute, and my dislike of the Ezria ship isn't meant to demonize all age-gap relationships. The problem with some age-gaps comes up when it means that one partner has more resources, authority, and therefore control over the other and/or is using the age gap for their own benefit. It's especially weird when a teenager is involved with a university graduate bachelor, because what self-sufficient man in his 20s wants to go back in time to be with a girl who still needs her parent's permission to go on a field trip? Ezra and Ella would have been about evenly matched, both starting up in the same workforce with presumably the same credentials and at least some of the same interests. They could bounce ideas off each other, help each other grow, and this would be just as effective with tension because of Mike and Byron. Their relationship would epitomize how Aria believes she failed to keep her family together, after all, and it would be even more tense and awkward knowing she's hot for her mom's new boytoy. The relationship could even still start out as an effort to get close to Aria and learn about her missing friend. Bonus, Ezrella is a really cool ship name.

Shawn and Aria- I would call this Sharia if "Sharia" didn't sound so much like a mash-up of "shart" and "diarrhea"- they actually have a good set-up for this one, and it could have filled the void of a forbidden romance. It's part of the official friend's code that you don't date a friend's ex, and you definitely don't steal their boyfriend, but Hanna kept dropping Shawn on Aria and neither Shawn nor Hanna were really happy with their relationship. They could have done something with this and the "A" stuff wouldn't even have needed to change all that much.

And, now, to talk about Aria, herself. In my opinion, Aria Montgomery is the least characterized of all the main characters. She's the Bella Swan of PLL. Her main personality traits are "dating an older man who's actually a predator," "keeping secrets from the fam," and "kissing people who are not her boyfriend." I find Aria so unlikeable and uninteresting as a character, and it truly is a life skill these writers have to put a character on screen so damn fucking much and still not characterize them in any meaningful way. Part of it is just that they relied too heavily on a relationship that was boring and squicky at best to develop her personality. Even the writers are bored with her when she isn't with Ezra. She has a major "cardboard cut out" vibe and everything she does comes off as shallow. She was supposed to be artsy and creative but we don't really see that. Her creative talents are much more told than shown- we get a couple minutes of her singing and that never comes up again. There is so much filler in this show, they couldn't find sixty seconds to show her reading poetry at an open mic night? Or having a short story selected for a publication somewhere? They stick her in the middle of so much fucking drama, she could have reacted by violently throwing paint at a canvas and making abstract art. She could have made little gifts or memorobilia for Alison or contributed to designing the memorial. There were so many things they could do to with her but they did nothing!

The way she judged characters like Mona, Toby, Caleb, and Jenna does not demonstrate someone who is "open minded enough to find her true love in her teacher, nor does it demonstrate compassion. To be clear, I am not suggesting she should have ignored the terrible things Jenna and Mona did, but she was super judgey with them before she even knew those things happened; she had no remorse for participating in Mona's bullying or for the house fire and what it did to Toby (trashing his reputation) or even Jenna (blinding her). While Emily and Hanna both express remorse and try to extend compassion to the people they helped Alison hurt, Aria either ignores them or talks more shit about them. Even the way she forgave Hanna for almost screwing up her relationship read as though she just wasn't capable of feeling that anger for more than ten seconds. She was open-minded and compassionate for Ezra, and that was it. There's a huge difference between compassion and emotional impermanence. There's also a huge difference between making bad decisions and keeping an open mind.

It's really a shame, my enjoyment of the show tanks dramatically every time she's on screen, and Lucy Hale is so adorable she easily could have been one of my favorites if they had bothered to do anything satisfying with her character. I just don't know what went wrong, how did they spend so much time with her on screen and still fail to develop her personality? Whoever did this is a genius of failure. Tell me why I understand characters like Lucas, Caleb, and Shawn- who had less than half of Aria's screen time- better than I understand her. Make it make sense. Aria deserved better.

The Ezria and Aria rant take up so much space that I am going to end my first post here. I look forward to typing up the second part later tonight!