#i hate this beef with every fibre of my body

[nualaofthefaerie]

it is exhausting to have to listen to you straight people, considering jayvik is literally canon and all you have is a black throwaway self-insert that you want to project to so you can imagine being loved by Viktor except Viktor is Jayce's, cry about it.

Where do I even begin to break this apart...like brother...how did you homerun that level of misogyny and racism in a single sentence?

Ayo, Jayvik team, you claiming this cause idk...do y'all fw with this? I'd hope not.

But to quickly answer, baby, come close and listen to me:

I don't want to be WITH Viktor - I AM a Slav with a back disability and a god complex, I want to BE Viktor.

I want his cookies. I don't want him. Viktor laid claim on two celestial goddesses and the definition of a guy.

Why on Earth would I EVER try to be Sky Young...mf, I want to love this woman into oblivion until she knows nothing but the spoils of utter worship...

[choco-bloop]

HC characters as random quotes from my friends.

Xisuma: So, in trying to get you to pick up a hobby, I was asked to prod at something that interests you.

Mumbo: Pranking everyone

Grian: I SWEAR I AM MORE INTERESTING AND DYNAMIC THAN THAT-

Xisuma: Please elaborate. 

Mumbo: NAME ONE OTHER INTEREST

Etho: *raised eyebrow emojis* 

Etho: ^ 

-

*Talking about a poodle who’s head fur was styled in pigtails*

Grian: I’VE SEEN STONES ROCK PIGTAILS BETTER THAN HIM

-

Gem: Do you guys want to have a barbecue?

Cleo: Do we look like we can bbq without burning the place down?

-

Beef: That was homework?

Beef: was that not optional?

Cleo: MY ARSE IS OPTIONAL

-

*Picture of Impulse’s last listened to song, that being Hermitgang*

Tango: Help, Impulse I see you streaming this every 2-3 business days 

-

Joe: Believe in yourself and that you are prepared 

Joe: Because confidence is the key to bullshitting your way through anything

-

Scar: *forwarded* Hello guys, can y’all help my friend do a survey for her project? I really appreciate it if you can help to fill it in. Thanks! [Link to survey]

Cleo: Ok

Stress: Oki

*A bit later* Cleo: A YOU FCKING ASSHOLE I HATE YOU

Cleo: I AM TRYING TO TEXT PEOPLE AND NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP IS PLAYING ON MY COM

Cleo: YOU BIG ASS MF I HATE YOU WITH EVERY FIBRE OF MY BODY

Cleo: I WAS VERY READY TO HELP SOMEONE IN NEED 

Pearl: Yes I got tricked too but on April fool’s day and I was wondering when my com had a YouTube tab while back reading other chats cuz I just opened any links in my unread chats and then go to them after backreading and was so confused until I realised the survey form wasn’t there.

-

Tango: You know, not all short people are Bdubs and Grian right?

Bdubs: SHUT UP.

Bdubs: I AM IN YOUR WALLS

-

Stress: *picture of food she baked* 

Pearl: OMG I WANT IT 

Stress: Drop by <3 

Pearl: IM IN UR WALLS FEEDME

-

Bdubs: *picture of Doc*

Etho: omg Bdubs why does it look like he’s towering over you is this your perspective when you see us? 

Bdubs: Etho. I am in your walls.

-

Gem: So I’m walking out of my prismarine farm and suddenly I’m like “Oh shit, where’s my hair tie?” Because I realised that my hair was no longer tied

Gem: And then I look to my pickaxe only to see my hair tie right around it.

-

Pearl: Question. If you are standing somewhere and you need to wear socks, what would you do in the situation? Assuming there are no chairs to sit on

Stress: Balance on one foot, fail miserably and fall over

Cleo: Sit on the floor and wear it

False: Balance on one foot and wear it

Pearl: Ah- 

Pearl: I decided to try just shoving my foot into the sock without any supports. But that didn’t work because my hands were full so I leaned against the wall and put on my sock from there.

Pearl: I managed to do one because right afterwards, Gem appears and just s t a r e s before laughing at me because of how STUPID I looked.

-

Impulse: *sends video*

Scar: idk why I can’t hear anything even thought my volume is on

Impulse: It’s ok, I’ll show you tomorrow 

Mumbo: Is your tab muted?

Scar: …

Scar: Haha 

Scar: oops anyway-

Mumbo: Amateur mistake.

Mumbo: I thought you were more chronically online than this

[pyrogina]

my keto experience

Intro/TL:DR

As a preface I can report that I lost 17lbs in 30 days while strictly adhering to a keto diet.  I'm a 34 year old canadian woman who works from home as an artist and a huge helping factor for me was the freedom to stay home on the bad days and the ability to purchase fresh meats and vegetables on a weekly basis. This is a really tough diet but if you put the right pieces in place, it might work for you too.  Additionally, I am NOT a dietitian/nutritionist in any way, shape, or form.  Everything posted here is from my own experience and a modicum of research on the net.  Please double-check my facts before you begin this diet for yourself.

Is keto for you?

The first and hardest question to ask yourself about a ketosis diet is, Can I Endure this? And you should not feel any guilt if the answer to that question is no, because this is a very invasive and aggressive diet that will cause you physical pain even if just for a brief amount of time. Similar to vegetarianism, or is extreme cousin, veganism, a keto diet involves cutting out large swaths of the food pyramid to facilitate this diet. This does not mean going hungry, the foods that are removed will be replaced with other foods, only without any (or minimal) artificial or natural sugars. Sugar is just a chemical, which doesn't sound like a huge sacrifice, right? Most adults don't bother adding sugar to anything other than tea or coffee, but sugar is much more deeply rooted in our lives than you may realize.

Carbohydrates can be found in virtually every type of ready-to-serve foods: breads, wraps, pastas, fried snacks, hors d'oeuvre (these are examples of things I ate before this diet). All of these delicious and very satisfying foods have a fiber content and sugar content. You're still allowed to consume these, and I encourage you do so, but make sure to monitor the grams of total carbohydrates you consume that day. During this diet you will only be allowed to consume 20 grams (to 50 grams, depending on your body and personal needs) a day. remember this. Those 20 grams of carbs maybe the difference between you having a normal day and one of the worst days of your life.

Before I chose to begin a keto diet, I had been exercising casually (as before I was sedentary, more details on this later) and consuming about half as many carbohydrates as I had normally done in my life before. During the two years I was living this way, I was able to lose approximately 20lbs (from about 230 to 210).  If you're starting your diet or lifestyle change from scratch, maybe try starting here first.  Its significantly slower (10lbs in nearly a year), but it will not cause any pain or significant inconvenience.

What’s the big deal?/What to eat?

Sugar is a chemical, and more than that, its a drug that your body has been dependent on since you were a wee baby in your mama’s belly.  Sugar makes your brain work and when you mess with your brain’s intake of the all-important-life-sauce it goes into panic mode. In the first 2-3 days (up to 6 if your me!) you will literally, physically go into a state of depression.  Many had described it to me as ‘keto flu’ but as a survivor of 2009s Swine flu, I can most assuredly tell you that keto is much, MUCH worse.

First, my appetite became very finicky (and i'm already a very picky eater).  I had no desire to eat the genuinely tasty keto meals that my boyfriend had lovingly prepared.  I didn't want to draw, and I wasn't even in the mood to play easy video games.  All I felt like doing was crying or sleeping (which I did, for 9 hours in the middle of my 3rd day).  This is why, whenever I speak to someone who’s even moderately interested in this diet to BOOK TIME OFF YOUR JOB!!! It’s inconceivable to me to be forced to face other human beings in this state of physical distress.  You need to pamper yourself while in this state in order to endure it and ensure your success.

There was one more bump in the road around the one-week point but i'm fairly certain it came down to a combination of dehydration and moodiness (period) so perhaps that was an outlier.  Either way, water is the key when you start feeling shitty.  Get yourself a nice BPA-free water bottle that you're comfortable carrying around and keeping full of fresh water.  Once your body is in ketosis (you can check using those little paper sticks you pee on from the drug store, wash your hands!) you will get tired and moody the very instant you become hungry at mealtimes.  Sometimes you don't even feel the familiar hunger pangs from your previous diet and mistake it for just a general bad mood. Always have a sip of water, babes; that’s your brain telling you to hydrate.

Alternatively, after eating a keto meal you still may feel hungry or unsatisfied, even sad (longing for your favourite dessert).  This is where those 20g of carbs come in pretty clutch.  Finding your perfect portion of reward may be impossibly difficult, I can only tell you what made me feel better when I got the cravings.  Blueberries are quite sweet, they have a lot of natural sugar, but a handful of them sufficed as an incredibly sweet treat (some keto dieters have proclaimed that ‘regular things taste much sweeter than before’, I didn't experience this). Minigo/iogo yoghurt cups are fatty and sweet and work as a decent replacement to ice cream (count the carbs!).  On extra tough mornings (in addition to bacon and eggs! Totally keto!) we would split a cavendish oven-fried hashbrown (about 15g; 7.5g split between my partner and I).

There are a surprising amount of natural foods that are not keto, but in careful proportions, can be incorporated into a daily keto diet.  Most every fruit (that I checked) is very sugary but can make for a nice dessert.  Certain vegetables like carrots or potato have too many carbs to be anything more than a boost when you feel shitty. Red onions have a very small amount of carbs (sugar and fibre work together to your benefit!) and server to replace pasta as a side to a nice steak dinner.

On that note, you need fibre to make your BMs move.  Cutting carbs from your life means your number 2’s go bunny mode…. Take a sugar-free metamucil on any day where you have more meat during a meal than other types of food, or the toilet will be a nightmare.

Meals:

Cutting away pastas, breads, and other sides seems like an insane task but with some discipline and creativity, it's quite manageable.  Breakfast didn't change much: eggs any way (sunny side for me, cheddar omelette for my BF) with bacon or sausage. Lunch was some combination of chicken breast and various salads (so many salad dressings are low or no carb! Read the back!). On steak night, we replace noodles with sauteed red onions fried and seasoning.  Snacktime was usually pre-sliced cheddar cheese (go NUTS that shit is A-OK!), unsalted peanuts (other nuts have marginally more carbs, almonds and sunflower are moderate, check what works for you), or small amounts of beef jerky.  Accompany those snacks with a big drink of water, or if you've had enough of that, certain drinks are acceptable like tea or coffee (with sweetner and high fat milk, skim milk is too sugary), diet sodas, sugarfree drink mix (migo, nestea).  Just remember water, water, water.

Is it worth it? Pros/Cons

Cons:

-HURTS LIEK DRUG WITHDRAWL (you're literally coming down from the lifelong chemical addiction of sugar.  It hurts like Trainspotting)

-MEAT (you will be consuming a lot of animal product)

-POOP (even when you have your metamucil, the toilet can take some time)

-SWEETS (the cravings for your favourite yumyums will almost never stop, it takes monk-like discipline)

-BORING (you can't go out and enjoy meals/drinks with friends and family without them or the restaurant making odd or even crappy exceptions.  Keto menu options are slowly becoming popular though)

-TIRED (the first week or two will be very tedious and you won’t have any energy, even your favourite hobbies may seen unfulfilling for a time)

-ALCOHOL (basically none, unless you like vodka and sugarfree mix, you'll get drunk a lot quicker and end up feeling shittier without carbs in your body to process the liquor)

Pros:

-INSTANT RESULTS (in my first week i lost nearly 10lbs, and then two for every subsequent week. note that, just like any diet, there will be bounce-back)

-APPETITE LOSS (once you get into the swing of this, after the 2 week mark, you’ll find you no longer are pained when your hungry and the bigger cravings subside)

-BUDGET (this is a bit of an odd one and may not necessarily reflect your cost benefits.  Before engaging in this diet, my BF and I discovered we were spending too much money on restaurants and leaving the food in the fridge to waste.  This was primarily because we were too lazy to cook.  Getting off our asses and cooking 6 days of the week made an immediate impact on this for us.  If you already do that, this won't apply.  Concurrently, we spent more money at the grocery store ensuring we always had fresh meat and vegetables; this did net us positive)

-REWARDING MEALS (having to stop and think about what it takes to make a tasty and satisfying meal has forced us to look at things in a different way.  Making yourself and your partner a healthy, supremely tasty meal gets those endorphins peaking)

-EXERCISE (Unnecessary! Your choice! Just note that building muscle increases your weight as muscle weights more than fat)

My fave meals:

-Coffee (reluctantly replacing 1tsp of sugar with a fairy-dust sprinkling of sweetner cos i HATE sweetner, its 20-30x stronger than sugar so you only need 1/20th as much)

-Eggs and bacon!!! (sausage sometimes too)

-Garlic grilled chicken with spinach salad (onions, sliced almonds, feta, dressing)

-Steak and red onions (meat rare and onions grilled with seasoning)

-Spicy ground pork tacos (replace the taco/burrito with large boston lettuce leaves, shredded cheddar, green onions, diced tomato, dab of ranch sauce)

-Baked chicken breast stuffed with ricotta and spinach, topped with parmesan

-Slow-cooked pulled pork slathered with sharp cheddar (just eat with a fork!)

-Baked shrimp with garlic butter and parmesan

-Jalapenos stuffed with ricotta, cream cheese and cheddar, then wrapped in a strip of bacon (great late-night snack)

-Even changing the texture of a cheese can change the taste of the meal.  Shredded cheddar adds a salty bite to a lettuce wrap, grated parmesan can trick a baked chicken breast into thinking its breaded.  creamy cheeses can replace other baking sauces entirely.

-Diet pops (make sure its 0 sugar!), and tea/coffees with sweetner are fine, they do contain a lot of sodium though, make sure to drink 1-for-1 with water (meaning: every diet coke or tea you have, accompany it with the same amount of plain water so your body can process it and pee it out).

Variations/Control:

Vitamins: It should be noted that I take a daily multivitamin (C3+D) as I generally don't get enough sun or fruits.  I highly recommend you take these just in general. They help keep skin soft and blemish free (I initially began taking these because of acne on upper arms and it cleared within days).

Activity: As briefly mentioned earlier, I began shifting from sedentary (not moving much, sitting for hours a day) to a more active lifestyle about 2-3 years ago. This entailed a personal regimen of making an attempt at physical activity approximately half the days of the month (period week was generally excluded).  Every other day I would attempt one of the following: walking at least 2km, 15-20m of floor exercises (‘lady push-ups’, sit-ups), 15-20m of time on the indoor bike, or an hour of house related chores (lifting, laundry, cleaning, anything that involves getting sweaty).  In addition to these, yoga is peppered into my lifestyle as frequently as possibly, particularly in the morning before breakfast. On days where i'm unable to exercise, I at least attempt the basic yoga poses to stave off my (no-longer chronic) back pain.

[ramblingsaboutriding]

A Flame Rekindled

Chapter 1

The postie has just pushed today’s letters (my bills that I must pay – adulting really fucking sucks don’t you think?) through my letterbox. It is lunchtime in England. I know this because Darren always delivers my post at 12:30, and a glance at the clock on my desktop confirms this. Tea is being made by the masses working from home, sandwiches prepared, and queues being formed at sandwich trucks or at the local shop, meal deals in hand. What I am I having? Tesco’s Calorie Controlled Beef Lasagne. It needs salt. Why the government in this country insists on trying to draw out the last bit of happiness out of the population is beyond me. “Taste the flavour of the meat and vegetables…” Cut the crap, they wouldn’t eat this shit any more than they would feed it to their dogs. I don’t give a shit if half the population is overweight, myself included!

Another bite of the flavourless pig slop disguised as lasagne and I think of the expedition that led me to this very disappointing purchase. For reasons unknown, my body decided that waking up at 04:47 this morning was a good idea. What, and I cannot stress this enough, the fuck? I have wrinkles on my face that are starting to resemble the Grand fucking Canyon! I need the beauty sleep. Yet, scrolling through social media couldn’t keep me in bed. That and my need to pee. Then there was also the little fact that I had no toilet paper. So off I toddled to Tesco to stock up on the white gold that was such a hot commodity during the first few Covid infested months of 2020. The Great Bog Roll Shortage.

I hate shopping at Tesco. Purely because I always buy shit I don’t need when I am there. Their marketing team needs a salary increase. Tesco’s Calorie Controlled Beef Lasagne is case in point. Shit is also the perfect description for the salt-less pig slop I am really trying to get down. Anyway, I digress. More shit that I didn’t need but just wanted was the latest issues of horse porn (no, not like that!). Yes, I succumbed and spent my hard-earned sterling on Horse & Hound and Horse & Rider respectively. Another bite of the now cold pig slop. Sis.1 The canine-child is turning his nose up at it. I give up and deposit the remaining lasagne in my very grateful dustbin.

After my early morning shop and whizz through the Costa drive through, I page through my pornography of choice to see what they have to offer before the working day starts.

God help me, but I want to ride.

I want to spend my days riding and learning. Building a partnership with a horse and getting to know my equine partner so well, that we are confident enough to compete and leave a mark on the competition world. Every fibre in my terrified being wants to feel the power of a Warmblood performing the most difficult movements in total control beneath me. My body in complete sync with the horse’s, speaking a language that nobody else can understand, hear, or read. Synergy.

Terrified because I have fallen off so many times that my once unwavering confidence has cracked over the years. My body has taken so many beatings that Winter is hard on certain joints. The cold makes them ache. The elbow I landed on with my full weight so I wouldn’t land with my face on a jump pole. The shoulder that got yanked after I involuntarily dismounted with no grace, dismantled an oxer, all the while still holding onto the reins as my horse wanted to piss off into the setting sun. I couldn’t lift that arm up properly for months. Backache from years of incorrect posture in the saddle that is so painful I can barely walk. The terror is getting so bad that I forget to breathe when I mount up sometimes. When I am not riding, I think of it. Analyse myself and try to reprogram my mind to not succumb to my fear, research ways of overcoming it and watch YouTube videos to process it. All this effort because I still want to ride. Train so hard that my sweat drips down my back and soaks into my shirt. Reach Grand Prix before I croak, even if it is just once.

I have wanted this all my life. There are days where I feel like I will die never having achieved this goal. This single thought overwhelms me with debilitating depression. It makes me cry as hard as I do when I think of ending up completely alone. Alone I can combat and overcome, but not getting the opportunity to try and reach my dream will kill me. It is slowly killing me inside. My corporate job is great, my boss walks on water and I enjoy what I do, but it is also slowly sucking the soul out of me. I am dying inside. You must have a big girl job and earn enough to live off. Yes, agreed. In fact, I enjoy the fruits of my labours. Travelling, books and spoiling the hound. Great lifestyle. It still feels empty. There is no purpose. It is mediocre day to day living. No wonder that I get so enthralled by certain books that I am desperate for those worlds to be real. I want to escape my reality.

It sounds ungrateful, and that couldn’t be furthest from the truth. I am grateful. Humbled by how fortunate I am and the lifestyle I am currently afforded. It just lacks purpose. There is the constant drive to try and earn more. More so I can buy my own horse. A horse that I can scream and bounce about on the inside, and quietly keep below the radar until we are ready. A horse that I can train and finally use the choreography that I prepare when I listen to music and ride to it. A horse that will be the reason I buy dressage tails. A horse that will make my dreams a reality.

All this emotion surfaces as I page through the glossy magazine. It bubbles up through me as I read Charlotte Dujardin’s top tips on finding a talented horse when beginning the laborious search for a prospect to buy. My need to do this soon intensifies. How the hell am I going to do this? The answer has been formulating in my mind for a while, but I need to be a bit more patient. When it comes to this particular topic in my life, patience is not one of my virtues. It is simply the bane of my existence.

My God, I want to ride.

I am staring at the glossy magazine, lying next to me whilst I wait for my teabag to steep. I flung it there this morning and have been attempting to avoid looking at it.  Lunch is over and I need to get back to the policies and procedures that I need to delegate and update, set up invites for an audit that is three weeks away, prepare a presentation for the executive team, and finally catch up on a few of the tasks I have kept on the back burner for the last few weeks. I love and hate it. I think I will cry into my teacup for five minutes and then pull myself together. I am still fucking starving though. 

South Africans tend to borrow words from other languages that result in slang or phrases known as a South Africanism. In this context, the word “sis” is not slang for sister but is instead borrowed from the Afrikaans language. The original word is “sies”, which is an expression of disgust or annoyance.