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#i hate that we can't get comfort
lesboylycan · 3 months
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#it's me#twitch.txt#tw vent#i hate that we'd still take them back if they wanted us#i hate that we miss being vulnerable and showing real emotions around them. around anyone#i hate that i know it's never fucking happening#i wish we'd never known how it felt to be wanted. even if that meant i would never exist#because i'm only here to feel angry. i'm only here to feel angry to hide fear and hurt because we're all still fucking scared#and they feel. fine.#i wish i'd known how it felt to be loved by them#because the people i care about are mourning what they had still 6 nearly 7 months later#i wish i could mourn instead of just being angry#i hate that we still want them in some way. i hate that we miss having them#i hate that there are things to miss. i hate that we can't just be angry. that we can't go full scorched earth and fucking#block them on everything. remove them from all of the servers we can and leave the ones we can't. pretend they never existed#i hate that we're a fucking coward. that we're hoping something horrible will happen so we'll feel like there's an excuse to leave#and i hate that that's only the second best option I HATE THAT WE STILL FUCKING WANT THEM god damn it#i hate that there was any history between us#i hate that i exist. a world where i don't exist is a world where we didn't have to hide#i hate that we wish we could be vulnerable around them and i hate knowing that it would take monumentous effort to get there#and i hate knowing that we'll never get that chance#i hate knowing that our fucking wildest fantasies of them wanting us like that again are impossible. i hate not being able to hope#i hate not being able to hope and yet still wanting it anyway#i hate that we're a coward#i hate the fucking december curse and the four year curse and the fact we know we'll lose it all no matter what we try#i hate knowing that what we want doesn't fucking matter because nothing we want could possibly last for long#i hate not being able to let my guard down#i hate that we can't get comfort#i hate that we have to hide that we're still hurting and scared when they feel fucking fine#i hate that we feel so out of place. that we feel like we're constantly on our back foot around them. that we have no sense of control
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sukibenders · 1 month
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"Rhaenyra isn't the stepmother, she's the mother who stepped up!"
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The HOTD writers themselves are hardly doing anything to support that narrative, so I take this rhetoric with a grain of salt. While I think, in some way, Rhaenyra does care for Baela and Rhaena....if I had to point out a motherly figure for them that could pose as someone stepping in Laena's place, Rhaenyra would not be it.
#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd critical#rhaenyra targaryen critical#baela targaryen#rhaena targaryen#this mainly just comes from my frustration with this fandom painting rhae as overly motherly toward baela & rhaena#making it seem like we had so much to go on for her being a good stepmother when it's really the bear minimum#there's more with rhaenys being there for them than with rhae--- both physically & verbally#even with scenes where she's with them: for baela it holds more of political means with her having a dragon and then using her to see corly#like sure she could be concerned about her well-being but it's definitely not on the same level as with her sons#don't even get me started on with rhaena bc that “be a mother to them” line had me 🤬#and her referring to her sons as hers and the pain of sending them away but not adhering to rhaena's emotional needs and feelings of inferi#rity--- like it didn't sit right with me especially when she couldn't even be bothered to hug her#i like to enjoy headcanons about their relationship but the canon material doesn't stray far either#rhaenys raised baela alongside her on driftmark she sought rhaena out when they met after so long#she advocated for rhaena to her husband over joffery--- she's their grandMOTHER that stepped up tbh#tbh i wouldn't really be rocking with my stepmom if she sought after & slept with my dad at my mom & stillborn brother's funeral#barely comforted my sister and i when we were injured in a fight (only her sons)#then got married to said father not long after said funeral...like i'd be pressed tbh!#dni if you can't have a collected conversation about this#rhaenys targaryen#(also just bc im a little critical of rhae doesn't mean i hate her in comparison to others she's not that bad tbh)
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schmweed · 8 months
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#David Tennant#Alec Hardy#Ellie Miller#Broadchurch#my gifs#Yes they're talking about something extremely serious.#But can you see soft way his eyes tenderly trace her eyes and just rest on her face like it's the best thing he could look at?#He spends so long just looking at her -- and she is so mindful of his comfort level and RARELY looks back when he's looking at her.#If he's looking at her she's always looking ahead or down or away.#Except if she needs to hold his gaze to get a message across. Like go make some tea. Or if they're both worried.#This reminds me -- she is so naturally instinctively understanding of him#We rarely hear her addressing him by name after the rant that falls out of him when he has dinner at her place in S1.#She gets that simply looking at someone while you're talking to them is enough. And you don't need to tack on their name on top of that.#Which astounded me actually! I wondered if Chris Chibnall had spent some time around an autistic person!#Because I feel EXACTLY like Alec does abt names! I hate names. I hate using them. It's so unnecessary.#I'm not as outspoken as him though so I use them when I can't get out of it. But I hate it and I hate ppl using my name.#That scene was ASTOUNDING I'm telling you -- it took my breath away to find my very specific struggle onscreen!#Anyway. Yeah. She doesn't bug him or insist even though to her it's second nature.#I bet you she's very good at coming up with pet names -- another thing my autistic brain shrieks at and sth I suspect Alec finds impossible#Oh Ellie -- beautiful beautiful adorable strong wronged Ellie!#Wronged by everyone except him <3#Well and a few others -- Mark was kind to her despite his pain. Brian never treated her badly that we know of.#I will always love them for that.#I wish Jack had survived -- I think he would've been kind too. Maybe she would've hidden in his store when it got too much.
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thawthebeez · 2 months
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i love reading haikyuu tiktok shipping discourse comment sections. it's so entertaining seeing so many people with such bad taste.
#it's always the exact same shit every time too#“name a ship everyone ships but you hate” and it's always kurootsukki oikage atsuhina and tsukkikage#like with the amount of times i've seen those ships mentioned in that context i'm starting to believe that NO ONE ships them actually#how is atsuhina hate so common when 2AM mac n cheese literally exists#everyone's excuse is always 1 of 3 things: “i ship kagehina” “i ship sakuatsu” or “they're just friends”#guys... i hate to be the bearer or bad news.... but all three of these things can coexist#you can ship atsuhina AND sakuatsu AND kagehina... AND atsuhina can be besties#i mean i'm out here shipping tobio with half the fucking cast#these aren't real people. it's all about what makes you the happiest at that given moment#today i ship tsukikage. yesterday i shipped kagehina. tomorrow i will probably ship yamakage. WHO GIVES A FUCK#it boggles my mind that there are people out there who won't consider any other ship because they've already set their mind on one#HAIKYUU HAS AN INSANE LINEUP. YOU CAN'T SHIP JUST ONE#i saw someone who was scared to admit they shipped suna and atsumu......... guys#it's not that serious i promise#ALSO THE TERUYAMA HATE I SAW#“they haven't even met” BOOOOOORINGGGGG BOO BOO TOMATO TOMATO#fuck it. i'm gonna start shipping kiyoko with kanoka. kanokiyo. my new otp#kanokiyoyachi. my new fave ship. 100k mutual pining hurt/comfort slowburn coming soon to an ao3 page near you#we need to release ourselves from the chains of hatred and start getting crazier with this cast#haikyuu has too much shipping potential for y'all to be shipping the same 5 ships#lets get poly with it. shall we?#THE KAGEHINATSUKKIYAMA GRIND STARTS NOW💪#ASADAISUGA GANG WE RIDE AT DAWN🗣️#ATSUHINAKAGE AND/OR ATSUOIKAGE BRETHEREN WE DEPART AT HIGH NOON🔥#FUKUYAKUKUROKEN SHIPPERS OUR TIME IS NOW🦞#sigh.......... you guys get it#volleyball guys
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raviosprovidence · 2 years
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To follow up on my last post i've seen a lot of people, both on discord servers and on tumblr ask if "they can enjoy Sky even with all the controversy". And I know a lot of you guys are young and/or striving to be perfect 100% of the time and i gotta say
Yes. You absolutely can.
You can 100% enjoy and even pay for Sky while still criticizing/support people criticizing the game. You're not gonna be deemed problematic or shunned or whatever. There are nuances to this discussion. It's not all on one side or all on the other. Hell, if most of the critics didn't like sky on some fundamental level, they wouldn't be criticizing it. They'd just move on to another game. Sky is always going to be there.
The only reason why i say "match the amount you pay into artist's pockets" isn't because of some Christian idea of penance or whatever (I'm jewish) but to support the artists that continually keep the community alive while get screwed over by TGC. They are our lifeblood, and they deserve both nonmonetary and monetary support as much as possible. If TGC wants to steal from them, they need to be compensated.
The only reason you should feel guilty in this community is if you're harassing critics/enjoyers. That's never okay and frankly disgusting.
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lala-blahblah · 19 days
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I will never make this because it would be for an audience of one (me) but ever since reading "If we Were Villains" (story about serious drama kids in college who perform shakespeare and deal with a murder) I have been entertaining the thought of a crack fic crossover with High School Musical The Musical The Series where the staff decides they will no longer put on shakespeare after the tragic accident that happened at Thanksgiving, because Shakespeare plays would only increase the tension and drama. So they hire Ms. Jen who decides their spring play will actually be High School Musical (which exists in the 90s in this universe) and it ruins the vibe so much that everyone gives up on being dark and mysterious because they're universally pissed at Ms Jen for making them learn choreoraphed basketball dancing.
#if we were villains is actually genuinely good and has actual literary worth and pulls from shakespeare in an intelligent meaningful way#but unfortunately all i can do is comedy so this is the only fan content i have to offer :(#THE THING IS iwwv is just hsmtmts if it hsmtmts was good and also they committed crimes#they utilize the same parallel of casting choices with real life drama which I love#umm so casting: Meredith would be Sharpay Obvi. I think it would be really funny if James was cast as Ryan bc they hate eachother and would#have to pretend to be siblings working together. And I think ashley tisdale and Lucas Gabreel actually didn't get along when filming#also i love the thought of Ms Jen looking at James and going “i know what you are”#HOWEVER it would be more interesting if james was Chad to Oliver's Troy (which is really just reversing their Romeo and Juliet moment)#bc chad is like nooo don't do theater... stick with me and do basketball... but it would be Coded Subtextually#Unfortunately Wren would be typecast as Gabriella and I don't think that would cause drama bc I don't believe James actually liked her!#I think it was comp het bc she was very sweet and nonthreatening as opposed to Meredith's big flirting energy so she would be a “safe” crus#lets lean into that actually. this gives Wren a chance to have a personality (bc I enjoy this book but it is not good at fleshing out women#So oliver and Wren spend more time together and kind of talk about James a little and Wren is like yeah James is very sweet#and I like him but it feels so hard to get him to feel comfortable with me... i guess he's just closed off and doesn't talk much#we also get to see more of her personality and interests maybe she's like I relate to gabriella because I also like to Read :) feminism#and oliver is like Hmm That Is Not My Experience With Him perhaps our bond is deeper and James does like me Hm#And then Meredith can flirt with him as Sharpay and James gets pissed and in character gets very intense about how Troy can't join THEATER#that's why he's upset and sad bc sharpay represents theater and only that reason and nothing else and he isn't in love with oliver At All#Alexander can be Ryan now since James is Chad (and he's also Gay) and Filippa can be Kenzie bc they're both queer coded#Anyway at rehearsal one day Meredith and James and Oliver are having their fighting over troy moment and then Meredith stops and is like#wait guys. This musical is so freaking stupid. why are we even doing this#and their mutual frustration at their art being turned into a farce is enough to bond them together and they're like#we need to focus on our REAL enemy: ms Jen#and then they hatch a scheme and it's probably like. They dump a bucket of fake blood on her at opening night a la carrie#and then put on their own rebellious production... it still has to be a musical because i like musicals#families with children are in the audience and they're like OK FOLKS! HERE'S ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW!#if we were villains#iwwv#hsmtmts#high school musical the musical the series
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abluescarfonwaston · 2 months
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Hey... What do you think Mia called her Dad? Papa? Father? Daddy?
Because she must have been at least 9 or 10 when he died if not a little older. Like. She remembers him. Even if he was always outside the village for work she remembers him. Remembers Misty losing him. Had to explain to Maya, or maybe worse- never had to at all - why he wasn't there. How she got his sense of humor and his laugh and neither of them can be held tight by him anymore but she can hold Maya tight and maybe then he doesn't feel so far gone.
What did she call him? Did she love him? Did Maya ever get that chance?
#mia fey#maya fey#like i dont mean to make the womans story about the men#hes just one more ghost for the story#i was just writing her and it occured to me how Old Mia must have been when he died#given the ten year age gap between Mia and Maya#and assuming they had the same Dad (not necessarily a given but i feel like they did) Mia knew him#does Maya explicitly say hes dead in aa1? or is it just implied? i dont remember.#but. did Mia love him? did she get her first taste of Mistys tendency to run away then?#did she have to bury him because Misty had fled. Did she have to comfort a squirming and confused toddler.#asking where mommy went. where daddy went. did she do something wrong?#did she find solace in the bits of her father she could see in Maya?#Hate her mother for those months of 'training'#did that love that anger change their family#(hate your sister) (hate the branch family she'll make)#no. No. NO! I hate all of you! Hate mother and morgan and everything#everything but her. the one you want me to hate.#just. a ten+ year marriage. poof. maybe we had two good dads.#but death was always their fate#dont think about Mia trying to channel him and being as devastated as Maya that she can't#learning to and wanting to channel him for Maya#who agrees. but quickly sends him away. because she just wanted to hang out with her big sister#and it feels like losing him all over again because its like shes the only one who loves him#look. im just saying Mia can be extra fucked up. as a treat.
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dapg-otmebytheballs · 3 months
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coming back the next day to my blog terrified of reactions and yea I worry this will get swept under the rug and be made into a non issue
#the problem isn't even dnp at all at this point it's the way fan spaces are so happy to turn a blind eye#bc they know we'll tire out and leave eventually and they'll never have to think about their own behaviour#like y'all have driven people out this way already but we see when it matters and when it doesn't#this isn't about people posting about other stuff or about tour tickets or anything btw v happy for you guys! /gen#more about people who refuse to acknowledge that there's a racism problem in the FANDOM#and congratulate themselves on simply not engaging with poc when they speak up for your own personal comfort#that's the privilege at work again we see when we are just a 'distraction' to you btw#literally the fact that poc fans taking the time and energy and hate and triggers to talk about this instead of abandoning cause#shows that no one's trying to call dnp racist but that doesn't stop from particular remarks and behaviours in the past being racist#i don't think it's a huge ask to acknowledge that the fans around have been trying to get us to shut up and sit down#and been condescending when we didn't#it's not a big ask to acknowledge that your spaces have these microagressions#ik you wouldn't just pass it off as 'keep safe frol discourse' if a buncha people had been homophobic in here#just think a little man no one's saying you can't also enjoy the tour and other stuff while acknowledging racism#again. genuinely happy for everyone who's going to the tour and excited to see more about what they do there#hope this issue also stops being treated like radioactive waste tho
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yampidimp · 3 months
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i used to think i wouldnt get upset about how other people mischaracterize answer since he's not popular enough and doesnt have enough to work with for it to be much of a problem, it means most interpretations of him are not really disputable, and very few people talk about him anyway
that is until i see how people portray his relationship with chipp. it feels like most people get it even if they know little about them but some people make it out like answer fucking hates chipp and his job and wishes he could leave
he works for chipp willingly! the reason given for him following chipp is he "fell in love with/fell under the sway of his charisma". he also has "his current way of life" listed as something he likes. he doesn't hate his job, he gets stressed out from taking on too much of a workload and at how he's treated by the people he has to deal with (he has to endure a lot of verbal abuse in his phone calls, you know how it is if you've ever had to deal with calls for your job lol) and he definitely does not hate chipp, aside from when they first met.
though the details are extremely vague, answer having immense guilt about his past was considered so important to his character that his quote about it was included in his reveal trailer. chipp found him at a low point and gave him an opportunity to start a new life* and improve himself and atone, something he absolutely needed and still canonically wants. why would he hate him for that?
chipp also isn't just his boss, he's his mentor, and though it's debatable i would argue his friend too. he shows some amount of admiration and respect for him even though it's sometimes begrudgingly and he gets frustrated with him often. even disregarding threatening to kill bedman since you could write that off as the chief of staff's reasonable reaction to his country's leader getting potentially killed, the most emotion he has shown by far was when he thought chipp was going to die
tldr; he cares about chipp he just wants to drop a cartoon anvil on his head sometimes. understanding that it's both is necessary *I do not mean by giving him a job btw. chipp is to answer essentially what tsuyoshi was to him. (narratively speaking, minus the father figure aspect.)
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helpimstuckinafandom · 6 months
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JUSTICE FOR DAVINA CLAIRE I'M SO FUCKING SERIOUS FUCK OFF OH MY FUCKING GOD
#CAMI AND DAVINA GONE IN ONE EPISODE??!?!!??#YOU CAN'T BE FUCKING FOR REAL#(davina perma died an episode later both they both died in one episode right before that)#also this season has been slacking on marcel and the ep post-davina's death kicked him up several notches#he said all the shit i take issue with about the always and forever family bs#he hit that shit out of the park#also camille's death being all about comforting klaus fucking pissed me off#it was until she was scared right at the end that it was more about her#and her last words COULD have beenthe immortality line. but then they had to have her bolster klaus again instead#at least we got others mourning her after#but davina????#those bitchass ancestors forced her boyfriend to kill her then nearly shredded her soul#and she could've been resurrected. but of course fucking family came first#she had to die screaming for mercy alone as the ancestors tried to carve her soul from fucking existence#(and though i'm mad at elijah and freya for it it makes sense for them to do it#(what pissed me off was them and klaus then telling marcel that they were justified and he should just suck it up and understand)#(like no take the consequences let the man mourn)#(freya claiming family to kol too like girl i don't know you. and this 'family' loves you more than it ever loved me)#(y'all only love me on my deathbed)#(if being family means we kill each other's partners [which happens time and time again] then fuck being in this family)#like i don't actually want the mikaelsons dead. but also i hope super vampire marcel kills you all#hope kol gets away from you people because you are not family to him. you aren't.#but mostly davina. poor fucking davina#her and kol are my bonnie and enzo - finally finding someone who will choose them not just use them#only for death at the hand of allies#davina clair was an abused teenager you all used and who justifiably hated y'all#and she deserved more than to die like this. die basically three fucking times over still helping in the end#truly have not seen a witch this blatantly used and mistreated since the bonnie bennet#davina claire#the originals
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invisible-pink-toast · 5 months
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i don't understand why everyone thinks you have to be one thing.
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cookinguptales · 1 year
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.........lmao
so I was remembering the way I had to start wearing a training bra when I was like. seven or eight. and I hated wearing it so much that I would like hide it at the bottom of my drawer and try to sneak out of the house without it. (I was not allowed to go out without it, my parents were always on me about that.)
and I'd always conceptualized that as me just not liking my body being talked about the way it was now being talked about but sitting here in bed at age 33 I finally was like
wait there are times that I have to be really careful about wearing bras (or really anything that puts any pressure at all on my ribcage, including just well-fitting shirts) because that can cause rib subluxations. also, I regularly dislocate my shoulder while putting on bras.
and now I've got my head in my hands over here, because I swear, part of having chronic illnesses is just constantly recontextualizing your weird childhood behavior!!!
like I used to get in trouble a lot as a kid for sitting scrunched up at the dinner table (like crosslegged or knees pulled up to my chest) and when I went to Mayo to get diagnosed at 17 the doc was like "does she sit all curled up a lot?" and my mother was like "???? yes?????" and it turned out that was a behavior they'd noticed in a lot of kids with POTS because we had such weird blood flow problems.
(and yes, my mom then felt bad for yelling at me for it for all those years. lmao)
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niallandtommo · 5 months
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anurarana · 5 months
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I've been seriously considering laser lately, well honestly for years now, but I'm stuck in a loop of will this improve my quality of life, or am I just submitting to beauty standards ?
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cherrygarden · 6 months
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,
#i hate being more financially responsible than my parents#I HATE IT#like i've lived through them obsessing over bills and having our services cut many many times and risk our shit being taken from us#and have to listen to my dad making phone calls begging for money from friends and how humilliating that is#and now we're doing a little better but i was raised with that stress and that just doesnt go away#and i see them spend money on shit we don't need and that would be fine if we didn't still have many debts and health issues we keep postpo#postponing bc we don't have money#and since my exchange i've been feeling so guilty about how much money it cost them#and ive talked to them about it when i was applying to give them the chance to tell me no and reconsider#and during it bc i felt like the worst person alive for needing to eat#and after bc i put them in so much debt with my uni that i can't enroll for this semester#and so much shit has happened and ive been feeling guilty and a waste of money and space and most of the time i feel like a shell of myself#and they see it but they dont know what to do because instead of comforting me ever they just put me in a psychologist's office#and just now my mom smiled at me and told me that since they weren't able to give me any presents last year they were talking#and wanted to buy me tickets for lollapalooza this weekend#and i want to go so badly and i entered so many giveaways and stuff but i didnt win so i was also sad about that#but i just looked at her like 😐 because we are definitely not in a financial situation to be spending money like that#like i appreciate the gesture but i've taken enough from them and i already feel guilty#i told her i would feel guilty and wouldn't enjoy it bc they literally don't have the money#and she said ''oh we just can't pay the full amount that we owe right now but we have enough''#???? then put the money on a savings account????? not spend it because you have '''extra'''#which you dont even have!!!!! i told her to prioritise our health bc we all have to get blood work done and exams and multiple doctors and#our general bills!!! like there's more important things that would put me more at ease than a concert which yes would have made me happy#but not like this and not when it's a present out of guilt and inability to know me#and i was crying and she was sad at my reaction and i had to apologise for not accepting it and being like this#literally told her ''i also wish i wasnt like this'' and she said nothing#so that was a fun start to my day :)))))))))#i hate that she thought it was a good idea and i hate that i had to say no#at least i didn't say any of the hurtful things that went through my head so i'll take it as a win#it sucks that we both feel guilty over the uni situation becuase we're both equally at fault
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emodennis · 1 year
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why did i decide to take a job at an extremely active and sport-focused camp this summer.
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