#i hate that the interaction went perfectly. my point was received and respected and the interaction went well

[oneknightlight]

Reminding myself that speaking up for myself, setting boundaries, and pointing out when others are inconsiderate toward me is important, even if my voice wobbles while I do it, and I have to cry after.

[kira-fluff]

Hey heyy, have you thought about writing another common trope headcanon / oneshot with the MysMe guys?

Because the “only one bed” was extremely good!!

Even if you decide not to do it, just know that your blog and your talent amazes me<3

a/n: Did you even have to ask??? OF COURSE IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME LOL thank you gorgeous <3 I decided to try putting it in a fanfic (one shot unless requested) format since it's definitely quite long and making a mini-series featuring those you request for me to include in my next fic or a pt2! :) also this is a slow burn and is quite spicy <3 Also, I did my best not to make it like the whole share the room thingy again!! ***I’m not fluent in French pls don’t @ me

Length: 6k lol 

A Series of Unfortunate Events Fake Dating - Jumin Han 

A sudden message beep surprised you, causing you to look down at your phone. It was a text message from Jumin: Call me.  Immediately suspecting the worst, you quickly pressed his contact, the number dialing in seconds. There was a few seconds that ran by before the other end answered with a curt, "Y/n."  "Jumin, hey, is something wrong?", you asked, worriedly.  "Everything is perfectly fine. I was calling to ask you a favor -- feel free to decline." Jumin never asked for favors, or your help in general.. you knew whatever it was you were determined to assist him in the best way possible. "Of course, Jumin! Anything."  There was silence for a moment as if he was contemplating whether or not it this favor was truly worth asking before he spoke, "Please decline if you are unable to but... I was wondering if you'd be willing to indulge my father. He's insisted that I bring you with me to our business closure."  "Jumin", you began, "I'd be honored. I'd love to!"  On the other line, there was a sigh of relief (or of worry, you weren't sure). "Mr. Kim will be at your apartment to pick you up tomorrow. The meeting is taking place in Monoco -- pack for a ten-day trip" There was a pause before Jumin breathed out a quiet, "Thank you."  You couldn't hold back your smile, thankful that the conversation was over the phone, making it impossible for him to see your dopey expression. He hung up, leaving you to pack. Your mind quickly wandered from what you needed in your suitcase to worrisome waters.  You and Jumin had a very deep friendship following the party you’d thrown, spending the time following the ginormous celebration to get to know each other. It warmed your heart that your newfound friend took so much joy in being with you -- even when he tried not to show it. You lost track of the number of times you ended up sleeping over at his penthouse after accidentally staying up until 4am talking with him, swishing expensive wine in your mouths.  You didn’t expect falling in love to come so easily. You were someone who was quite choosey with your partners -- you weren’t one to fall easily for anyone. Even in your past relationships that sometimes lasted years, you’d never felt the way your heart felt now that you were with him. And yet, you were best friends. You were sure you meant something to him in so far as friendship, but you had respected him when he’d gotten drunk one of the first nights he met you and spouted out his heart to you.. 

-  “Y/n, to tell you the truth.... I’ve never fallen in love before.” He gazed up at you lackadaisically from his position on the sofa -- head rested over the top of the sofa cushion, his arm lazily resting under his chin. He started at you for a moment, his gray eyes gazing into your own with a hazy, absent feeling in them.  You laughed, “I find that hard to believe.” You walked over to him, absent-mindedly running your fingers through his tousled hair. He let out a long, uncharacteristic sigh, his eyes closing gently.  You leaned in close to him, looking him in the eye. “Can I tell you something, too?” He nodded. “I haven’t either.”  -  You grinned at the memory. You firmly believed that conversation was what brought you and him together closer than ever before. He’d always found an excuse to call you over for the silliest of reasons. Either he needed a certain form that he was positive he accidentally slipped into your bag on accident and needed to see it first-hand to check, or he realized he’d bought more wine than was necessary for a night alone.  It made you smile for months that he couldn’t get out the words “I miss you” or “I want you to come over”. Even to you, the words sounded intimate.. but that was the way your relationship worked -- you were very close with each other, as two best friends ought to be.  Still, as much as you tried, you couldn’t control the way your heart began to constrict when he got especially close to you. You couldn’t help it when you’d shiver when he gently brushed cat fur away from your cheek. You were shocked that despite his perceptive personality, he didn’t seem to notice or acknowledge your deep blush during these interactions... maybe he was uncomfortable with them.... you hoped not.  There were times the air was knocked out of you. Literally. Once, you weren’t paying attention to the fact that the sidewalk had ended and you were walking straight into oncoming cars coming off the highway when a muscular arm slid around your waist and pressed your body flush to his own. You stared with eyes wide open at Jumin, who comically seemed equally surprised at his actions. You couldn’t help the way your eyes trickled down to his sultry lips, taking in their beautiful red-wine color, blooming like dark roses. Thankfully, he seemed too preoccupied with your current state of mind and physical wellbeing. When you finally managed to get your mind out of the gutter, you thanked him profusely, grabbing his hands impulsively and begging to reward him in some way. His answer surprised you, “I--uh-- a movie. I’d like to do more research watching one of those movies you enjoy watching.. for business sales and such.”  “Sure!! I can recommend anything! I’ll drop the email by your office tomorrow” you answered.  A panicked expression took over his face for a moment before returning to its familiar stoicism, “You won’t watch it also?” Your eyes widened in confusion before you answered hurriedly, “Oh! Yeah, I’ll watch it with you. I just wouldn’t want to bother you if you were doing it for work purposes.”  You could never bother me you thought you heard him say, but you couldn’t be sure.  Yep, you were in love with Jumin.  When you at last finished packing, you went to bed, looking forward to the mystery that befell tomorrow.  -  You rose bright and early to prepare for the exciting trip that was bound to come. You couldn’t help the extra bit of effort you ended up putting into your appearance in anticipation of seeing Jumin again and.. possibly sitting next to him on an aircraft.  Right on time, you received a text message from Mr. Kim, indicating that he had arrived at your apartment right on time. As you opened your apartment door to carry your luggage downstairs, you were met with numerous familiar faces of Jumin’s employees who quickly took your heavy luggage items for you. You thanked them, making your way to the elevator with them.  You texted Jumin: Thanks for the help with my luggage :)  In a matter of seconds, you received a reply, Jumin: You’re welcome.  Grinning down at your phone, you didn’t notice your driver's light chuckle, a look of astonishment in his eyes. These blind kids.  You continued to chatter along with Jumin on your phone, at last arriving at the rendezvous point where Jumin and the Chairman pulled in identical black limos alongside your own.  “Thank you, Mr. Kim. I can take it from here.”  Mr. Kim nodded in obedience, ushering you to go to Jumin. Jumin patted the leather seat next to his own in the sleek limousine. You held back a laugh, there were plenty of other seats open for you to sit.. but it warmed your heart that he wanted you right next to him. As friends. The Chairman joined the two of you, sitting across from his son, a mischievous glint in his eyes that only Jumin could recognize. A silent conversation took place between Jumin and his father -- Jumin beginning with a raised eyebrow. The Chairman replied with a sly smirk. Jumin with a scowl, his father with a growing grin. You watched the conversation continue silently before the Chairman at last spoke, “Jumin, my son, I’m overjoyed to see you’ve brought your Y/n with you.” A flash of annoyance crossed Jumin’s face as he said, “My... Y/n?”  You blanched.. of course the thought of you being his made him uncomfortable... but you didn’t think he’d be angry.  “Y/n, I’m glad you could join us. However, as much as I hate to ask this of you, there is something I desperately need from you.”  Before you could speak Jumin interjected, “Absolutely not.”  You caressed his hand, looking up at him with kind eyes, “Jumin, hey, it’s okay.” Looking toward Jumin’s father you said, “Whatever it is, I’ll do my very best.” Jumin’s jaw feathered a bit, but he said no more.  He grinned, “Aren’t you a kind girl. Well, in this business deal, the contract was originally contingent on Jumin marrying his daughter -- which I was against from the beginning. After all, I know the importance of loving the one you wish to be with.” (Jumin rolled his eyes at that.) “Anyway, I declined the offer.”  You were confused, unsure where your part came in.  As if reading your mind, he continued saying, “However, I perhaps let it slip that you two were engaged. I figured you both are so close with each other already, that it would be no issue to play a bit of husband and wife for the sake of business, no?”  Jumin was furious, his nose flared, jaw clenched with hands gripping his knee. “How dare--”  You glanced at him, biting the inside of your cheek, a worried expression painted your face. When he glanced at you, his eyes widened and his shoulders relaxed. This did not go unnoticed by the Chairman.  “We’ll do it, won’t we Jumin?” he looked surprised but made no objection. You leaned in close and whispered shyly, “I want to do something as thanks for this amazing trip.. and for you.”  - Jumin dared to swallow. For me? What the hell does that mean? You were driving him crazy. Every time he looked at you he had to fight to readjust his attention to something else. Does she know what it does to me when she touches me? Even a little bit?  When you’d put your hand on him, Jumin felt his chest and neck grow impossibly hotter, hotter than he’d been feeling when you’d first sat down next to him. Hotter than when you leaned in close and breathily asked him, “Jumin... how long until we’re at the airport?” It was like you’d drawn out every syllable, breathing out every consonant -- your breath tickling his neck. He imagined what it would feel like to have your plump, rosy lips on his neck, on his chest, on his lips, on his-- he was in over his head. He cursed himself for his lack of control. Usually, control was not an issue for Jumin -- in fact, he considered it one of his greatest strengths. From his leadership position in his father’s company, C&R, to his well-controlled temperament and stress management.. Jumin just didn’t do “no control”.  At first, it intrigued him. He could remember the exact day it hit him. He’d invited you to an elegant dinner his company hosted to celebrate (in a sort of “humble-brag” sort of way) yet another successful business closing with one of the biggest corporations in America. He’d been finishing off yet another glass of his new Domaine de la Romanee-Conti he’d bought when his eyes at last placed you at the front of the champagne server. His eyes raked up and down the soft, silk gown that clung to your body in all the right places. The gown hung loosely, exposing your back and most of your chest, a sultry slit separating one of your elegant legs from the other hidden in the fabric. It was a breath-taking emerald color... but all Jumin could really think of is how he’d take it off. Your hair was curled and done-up marvelously with little white pearls decorating the crown of your head like you had stars in your hair... but all Jumin could really think of was how he’d mess it up. His cheeks were on fire. Everything in his body had risen in temperature of what felt like a hundred degrees. He twirled his wine glass between his fingers before setting it down at one of the well-decorated tables. I must have a fever, he thought, that must be it. Your eyes found his person just as he was turning around to leave, speed walking to one of the penthouse balconies for fresh air. You raced after him or at least followed him as fast as your obnoxious heels allowed you to go.  You breathlessly met him as he was staring out into the night. Jumin realized that his temperature was slowly returning to normal. Perhaps the room was a bit suffocating. I’ll be sure to message Mr. Kim about increasing the air conditioning in the room. But... looking back on it now, Jumin knew he was lying to himself even then. Because, when he turned around he almost let out a shout. And his breath became uneven again, and it felt so burning hot all over again.  You slowly crept toward him, donning a concerned expression saying, “Jumin... are you alright?” Jumin backed into the marble railing. He was so eloquent normally but all he could let out then was a choked, “Fine.” He couldn’t take his eyes off you. Every step closer, he wanted to run. The stars were reflecting in your eyes and the moonlight made your supple skin look impossibly softer... You gently cupped his face and whispered, “Jumin, talk to me..? Please?” Jumin was heaving, looking down at you with rosy red cheeks and burning ears. “I--I think I have a... fever. A fever.”  You gasped, taking one of your hands and lightly grasping the back of his neck, pulling him down slightly. His eyes widened as you took your other cold hand and placed it on his burning forehead. “Oh my god! Oh my gosh, we -- ambulance! An ambulance.. a doctor? Or.. are you... drunk?”  “My room... please,” he begged.  You looked him up and down, examining his face for strain or discomfort. When you couldn’t find any, you let out a breath -- perhaps you’d overreacted. Nonetheless, you swung his arm over your shoulder and trudged through the now quiet dining area. Most had filtered out to the ballroom for dancing. You’d been here a million times, so remembering the way was no chore. You fished through his shirt and coat pockets, running your gentle digits across his chest, assuming the moan Jumin gave off was due to pain, still, a blush flushed your cheeks. “Sorry, I’m almost done.” You held him against the wall since at this point he couldn’t stand. Maybe I am a little drunk, he thought. You moved down to his pants pockets, your hands roaming through a business card and other odds and ends, eliciting another soft groan from Jumin. “Almost there...” you breathed, at last pulling out a key card and with a soft beep, opening his penthouse suite. You gently carried him to his bed before going to grab a glass of water and a cold washcloth. When one was placed on the table and the other on his forehead, you at last placed a warm throw blanket you’d found in his closet over him.  ...That memory became a source of numerous dreams. Jumin couldn’t forget it, no matter how many times he’d wished he wanted to (or wished it all to happen again).  - You gazed at him, looking at the way his expression hardened at times, softening and then suddenly switching to an expression you’d never seen before. What was he thinking about? You bit your lip, nervous that Jumin might change his mind upon meeting this woman his business partner wanted him to marry. She was certainly more beautiful, right? After all, Jumin hadn’t necessarily made any physical contact voluntarily toward you more than an occasional back rub in your asked after a long day at work, or if he got drunk while you two accidentally stayed up late -- then he’d sometimes caress your face with a love-sick expression and saying little things like, “You’re beautiful.” It was cute, for sure, but what drunk doesn’t turn into a soft puddle of goo, complimenting everyone around them?  You leaned into him as subtly as you could manage, closing your eyes to concentrate for a few minutes.  - You jumped awake when a deep voice rumbled in your ear, “We’re here.” You could hear the slight smirk in his voice, and sure enough, when you looked up, you saw a slight smile on his face. “Did you have a good dream?” You looked toward your left, thankful the Chairman was already out of the limousine and speaking on his phone to someone. “I--I had a dream?”  Jumin’s smirk stretched a little wider, “Yes. You said my name a couple times.”  Your eyes widened in shock before saying, “Oh! That dream! Yeah, I was dreaming that you were being eaten alive by bears and I was forced to watch!” God, you were such a bad liar. Jumin blinked. He felt sort of stupid. “Oh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “I see--”  Grateful for his gullibleness, you added, “Why, what did you think I was dreaming about?”  Jumin avoided eye contact saying, “Not anything in particular.”  A call for Jumin interrupted your conversation, making Jumin almost run out of the limo. You smiled a bit, a little flush rising up to your ears.  Jumin returned again, grabbing your hand. “This way,” was all he said. You followed him to the private jet that the Chairman was already boarding. You caught yourself staring at Jumin again as you followed him up the stairs to the entranceway of the cabin. Jumin smartly chose a seat far away from his father’s field of vision. He’d had enough of his unnerving looks when you’d fallen asleep on his shoulder, whispering things Jumin was beyond grateful only he could hear... at least he hoped. When you occasionally began to whine a bit louder he’d quiet you down by running his hands through your hair and stealing glances toward his father nervously saying, “A nightmare.” He wondered if he’d fooled his father, because the Chairman lightly chuckled and made his way to the passenger seat of the limo, sliding the privacy door shut. It had only gotten worse from there, you almost shouted his name, but he covered your mouth. Heat had been pooling in his stomach for a while now, but he didn’t know how much more he could take. Still, every time he thought of waking you up, you’d grab at his chest or legs,  effectively completely embolizing him.  You, of course, were unaware of all of this. You sat down next to him eagerly and wrapped your arm around his, pulling him close to watch a movie on the jet screens. It was almost 9pm by now, the night sky beginning to close in on the quiet aircraft. Neither of you could remember when you fell asleep, only waking up to the soft announcement of arrival from the pilot on the overhead and a soft blanket placed over the two of you.  You both groggily made your way to your waiting limousine to take you to the complimentary hotel stay at one of the chains owned by your expectant future business partner.  “Of course, I know you two are just friends.” The Chairman looked at you two before continuing, “So I have two hotel rooms, you’re 17 and you, Miss Y/N, are 18. I’m in master suite 3, so feel free to reach out whenever.” His eyes glittered as he said, “Have fun. Remember to act like a loving fiance! Especially you, my son." Jumin pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head in contempt.  You turned your head toward Jumin, “Um, well, I’m pretty tired as you could probably already tell,” you laughed uncomfortably, “so I think I’ll head off to bed.”  Jumin blinked a few times before saying, “I will as well. Goodnight, Y/N.” You whispered a shy goodnight in reply before slinking into your hotel room.  - You awoke the next day to a call from a maid outside your door - room service. You thanked her before diving into your waffles, complete with chocolate dressing, whipped cream, strawberries, and powdered sugar. A glass of orange juice was delivered along with various other breakfast options and a bowl of kiwi, dragonfruit, apple, watermelon, honeydew, and almost any other fruit you could think of. Following your delicious breakfast, you padded over to the bathroom, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and running the shower. Going through your morning routine helped calm you despite the role you weren’t at all prepared to play in just a few hours.  You jumped at the knock at your door. Looking through the peephole, it was Jumin. Flinging the door open, you looked at him expectantly. You were met with silence other than a few “uh.... uh....”s. You looked at him sarcastically, “What?”  He continued to stare, not at your face, however. You laughed but quickly grew silent as you met his gaze. You were an actual moron. What. The. Fuck. You were still in your fucking panties?!?! You slammed the door shut, running to slip on some shorts you found lying on the ground in the bathroom. Taking a deep breath you gently opened the door this time. Jumin was standing still as a statue when he snapped out of his trance at last. He looked away, “Try not to be dressed. I mean STRESSED.” he sputtered, “I-I’m going to leave now--”  “Um, Jumin?”  He slowly turned around, face as red as a strawberry, “Yes?”  “Um, sorry. About before. Um. Do you-- do you want to get some coffee? I’m still waking up, if you couldn’t already tell,” you laughed nervously.  He smiled warmly, “I’d love to.”  You awkwardly nodded before shutting your door. You ran to your hotel bed and screamed into one of the pillows. You cursed under your breath before making your way to the bathroom once more to finish the makeup look you had begun before being interrupted.  After 45 minutes, you looked your outfit up and down. You packed outfits that were elegant -- you bought clothes that looked expensive but in the kind of way that was subtle. Nude tones and deep colors, specifically. You were aiming for a look that said, “I’m not rich, I’m just comfortable. And by that I mean I’m rich.” You were never insecure about the difference in your and Jumin’s paycheck.. but when you’re supposed to play a part. And if you showed up in your comfy joggers and t-shirt like you normally wore when you visited Jumin or were free from work.. you had a feeling their reaction wouldn’t be the most inviting or understanding.  At last, you stepped out of your room, turning left to knock on Jumin’s door. He beat you to it, opening his door unexpectedly. This caused you to instead lean forward from your momentum and place your hand on his chest. You hurriedly adjusted his tie, doing your best to act as if that’s what you’d meant to do all along.  Jumin appeared to be just as surprised, but grinned, “No leggings and t-shirt today?” You jabbed him with your elbow as you made your way to the coffee bar, “Do you think they’d be all welcoming to your soon-to-be wife if she showed up in lounge clothes?”  “I’ve never complained.”  You scoffed, “Yeah, well, that’s because you’re nice. And, you apparently understand that not everyone can live in a suit every day.”  He paused for a moment before mumbling slightly, “Who cares what they think anyway.”  “I do! I don’t want to let your dad down. I told him I’d do this. We’re in Monaco, Jumin! C’est la vie!” “Parles-tu français?”* “Oui..?”  Jumin chuckled darkly before leaning in, saying, “Tu es juste trop mignonne.”** You blinked before replying, “...oui...?” Jumin looked at you incredulously with a slight smile on his face as he laughed, lightly ruffling your hair.  Jumin ordered for you -- apparently, it was quite clear you only knew a few words in French. Unfortunately, he also paid for you, despite your objections. Before you could yank his platinum card out of his hands, the transaction was already complete. He gazed down at you, an eyebrow raised with a triumphant smirk, “Elle aura aussi beaucoup de crème dans son café.”*** “Hey, what are you saying?! Jumin!! Speak Korean or English or Japanese! Something I can understand!!” You complained.  The worker interjected, “C’est tellement agréable de voir un couple sur leur ‘oneymoon.”**** You instinctively interjected, “Oh, that’s not--!���  But Jumin just smiled and nodded.  Upon sitting down at one of the many open tables, you let out a little giggle, “I wonder what it’ll feel like when I’m on the real thing.” Jumin quickly looked up from his staring contest with his coffee, “Real.. what?”  You grinned dreamily, “Honeymoon.”  “You.. want to get married?” “Don’t you?”  Only to you, he thought. “Maybe. If the right person came along.” If you’d ever say “yes”.  You held back the nervous twinge you felt in your throat, “Alright then, don’t be shy. What’s your type?”  “My.. type?”  “Yeah! Like, your ideal girl.” He paused, looking pensively at you. “Well, then I suppose my ‘type’ is a girl who is beautiful, and smart, and pretty... and always makes me laugh. And is bold but also shy.” His eyes widened as he grew quiet, “...something like that.”  You were shocked. He said he’s never fallen in love before.. but it sounds like he already has some girl in mind. “Wow. You’ve... thought a lot about this.”  Jumin looked surprised at himself -- he cleared his throat, “Just some ideas.”  You were still skeptical but changed the subject, “So, what exactly does this whole ‘wifey’ thing entail?” “Most likely just a ring on your finger and a fake smile.” “Oh come on, there’s more to it than that.”  “I’m sure my father has the details.” As if on cue, his phone chimed. “Ready to head out?”  “Yep!” You weren’t entirely sure, but you were beside yourself with nervousness and a bit of excitement. If you can’t have the real thing, you shouldn’t complain about a chance to fake it, right? And sure, you knew it was much more complicated than that -- what if he realized your true feelings?! ...You shook the thoughts out of your head and made your way to the waiting vehicle outside of the hotel. - “Monsieur Lorenzi! Good to see you!” The Chairman shook hands with who you assumed was the boss. “Let me introduce to you my son, Jumin, and his beloved fiance, Y/n.” You waved, smiling despite the twang in your heart. You and Jumin shook hands while Mr. Lorenzi introduced you to his daughter.  “It is so nice to meet you! This is my daughter, Ginevra.”  Immediately, you sized Ginevra up -- and she does not look happy. “So.. you’re the bitch who stole Ju-Ju from me?” “Ginevra! Be polite, please?” Mr. Lorenzi practically begged her, but she wasn’t budging, “Oh, come on. Their ‘engagement’ hasn’t even been released to the press yet!”  You looked worriedly between Jumin and Ginevra, but Jumin lovingly put his hand over yours, a soft smile on his face, “I’ll handle this, sweetheart.” He couldn’t help himself and lightly pecked your cheek, smirking into the kiss when he heard you elicit a small “oh!” Facing the irate woman, though, Jumin smiled in a way you’d seen him smile when he wasn’t particularly...happy.. about something. “Miss Ginevra, I can assure you Y/N and I are completely in love. She is my fiance, after all. That being said, we decided not to alert the media because we wanted our own privacy until the wedding.”  Ginevra scoffed, “Please. You barely even look like you’re dating. Face it, I know you want me, Jumin.” She bit her lip in a way that was supposed to be seductive, but Jumin couldn’t hold back the slight cringe that crept onto his face.  “T-that’s enough Ginev--”  “God! Shut up, Dad!  Mr. Lorenzi backed down at that, looking apologetic and embarrassed toward the Chairman and Jumin, and especially toward you.  You were growing tired of the entire conversation, “Shall we sit down?”  All except Ginevra agreed readily, the Chairman coughing in a way that sounded more like a laugh he was trying to conceal. Jumin's jaw clenched when he sat next to you, to your left and Ginevra quickly sat in the seat to his left. The meal went as well as expected. Jumin's father recognized that Jumin had his hands full and spent the majority of the dinner talking business with Mr. Lorenzi without his son.  Meanwhile, you were awkwardly playing with your filet mignon, avoiding eye contact with everyone until Jumin leaned his face down to your avoidant eye level. You snapped out of your trance immediately. You looked up at him -- his eyebrow was raised with an inquisitive expression. Okay, that was adorable. You held back your intruisive thoughts, blinking up at him, silently asking, "What is it?"  Jumin stared a little longer than necessary, before snapping out of his own trance and leaning in further and whispering in your ear, "...Are you alright?"  You nodded in reply, "Just a little uncomfortable."  Jumin gazed down at you in concern, "We can leave if you--"  "No. No, I'll stay." Who knows what that girl will do if I leave. He didn't look convinced.  Suddenly, Ginevra was calling for Jumin. Repeatedly. He turned in annoyance, "Yes?"  Her voice got low, clearly to exclude you from the conversation, "Let's go somewhere..." she looked Jumin up and down slowly, "...else.." And with no shame, she lowered a manicured hand to his knee, slowly trailing it up to his thigh. He immediately grabbed her wrist, saying in a low, deadly voice, "I have a fiance."  She sighed in frustration, "You're kidding yourself, baby--"  Jumin's eyes widened suddenly, and not due to anything Ginevra was saying. Your hand was high on his thigh as you leaned into the conversation you'd heard the entirety of. "Miss... whatever your name is.... Jumin is my husband. Soon. We have something you could never dream of every having because your personality sucks. And honestly, only you can fix that."  There was silence at the entire table for a moment before Ginevra turned her head quickly toward her father, "Daddy?!"  Her father had already gotten up, ushering the business conversation to continue rather than deal with his trainwreck of a daughter. She huffed, looking red in the face, perhaps in embarrassment as well as anger. "Well, you still can't prove that you're even dating!"  You very furious now, your glare cold enough to freeze the desert, "Is proof really the only thing that will shut you up?"  Before she could even answer, you geared your pissed off expression toward a semi-intimidated, semi-turned on Jumin and grabbed his face, meeting his lips with your own. Your kiss was meant to only last a few seconds at most, but when you tried to pull away, Jumin only deepened the kiss, pulling your face harshly toward his own. He tugged at your hair, earning a loud moan from you as he forced his flush lips further onto yours, his tongue gaining entrance into your mouth. His eyebrows were deeply knit into a consentrated expression, groaning as he felt you readjust your position onto his lap. You stradled his lap, a leg on either side of him, your tongues battling for dominance as you fished for air between you two. At last, you both parted, heaving in big breaths as a string of spit clung between your mouths -- only to go in for another searing kiss. You began to roll your hips against his own, gently at first but quickly gaining more momentum and roughness as you two continued to make out. You'd noticed his hard-on the moment you'd straddled his lap but it only grew as you two began to explore the other's body. And just like that, you realized you were still in a formal dining setting. With other people. You pushed against Jumin's chest, looking around you in a frenzy. Ginevra was long gone along with the Chairman and Mr. Lorenzi. It was just the two of you, it looked as if it was after hours for the dining here. Soft jazz still played melodically through quiet speakers. Your eyes met back again with Jumin. He was smirking, still breathing heavily, his eyes glowing with mischief and a clear message that said something you probably would blush saying out loud. You laughed a little at the sudden turn of events. Did he like you? You wondered. He made quick work of dragging you (because your legs turned into jelly) out of the dining hall and back to his hotel suite. Jumin hurridely opened his hotel door before slamming you against the wall and continued to kiss you furvently on your neck, chest and of course, lips. He began to grind on you, letting out a soft curse when you mewled in his ear. Both your cheeks were completely red from the heated exchange and the embarrassment that both of you felt at your candid feelings. Yet something still bothered you. You pushed him away with all the strength you had because he was just so addicting. "J-jumin.... wait..." You gasped between breaths, "...I-I don't do this sorta thing... for fun..."  Jumin frowned at this, his jaw feathering as he said darkly, "I don't either."  You shook your head, "No, Jumin... I mean... I-I......" You took a big breath of air, "I'm in love with you. Have, for long time... pretty sure you don't feel .... the same wa--"  Jumin's eyes narrowed as he dove in for another kiss with so much force that the air was nearly knocked out of you. "Y/N," he began, "Do you have any clue how much I've held back? Even now, do you know how hard it is for me not to pick you up and fuck you right here and now? Do you know how long--" He laughed sardonically, "Y/N, I swear you're doing this on purpose."  "Doing wha--" "Making me fall deeper and deeper in love with you! I'm already pass the point of no return. Hell, I've never felt a fraction of what you make feel in a moment... in my entire life."  You took a moment to really look at him. The expression of complete and udder desperation was now clear as day on his face, his cheeks flushed, breathing heavily, his tie loose around his neck, chest slightly exposed. He began again, "Please. Please... put me out of my misery. Say you're mine, please."  Your eyes never leaving his, tears prickling your eyes, you answered, "I always was Jumin.. and I always will be. And, and if the offer still stands--" You blushed, looking down shyly and your feet, ashamed of your own boldness.  Jumin's eyes pooled impossibly darker as he picked you up and led you to his bed, laying you down gently and asking, "I know this is probably soon but... Y/N, will you make me the happiest man on earth?"  You laughed, pure joy on your face as you shamelessly cried, "Yes!" over and over again.  Jumin couldn't hold back the huge grin that took over his face as he kissed you in between laughs.

TRANSLATIONS: * “Do you speak French?” ** “You are just too cute.” *** “She will also have a lot of cream in her coffee.”  **** “It is so nice to see a couple on their honeymoon”

[spinster-sisters]

Crush. PSH, JYN

TW: dom! Seonghwa, sub! Yunho, sub! Reader,threesome, exhibitionism, degradation (use of the words slut and whore), bondage (male receiving), Sir kink, overstim (kinda, idk how much counts as overstim but im putting it here anyway), excessive use of the word wet, panty kink, buldging, k so heres the deal, in this thing yunho has a crush on both the reader and seonghwa and seongwha is probably also attracted to men based on the way i wrote this but there is no actually mxm interaction PHYSICALLY, also fun fact at no point anywhere in this is there the letters Y/N cuz i have decided i hate that shit and istead u get excessive pet names.

WC: 4k

AN: this is 4k words of pure smut, like plot if you SQUINT right at the begnining but even that is pretty smutty. ngl its prettyy shit. im sorry lol. also this isnt specifically idolverse or nah, it could kinda go either way so thats that i guess.

Yunho had always had a crush on you, that much everyone knew, but when you and seonghwa began dating Yunho had decided to put his own feelings aside out of respect for both you and seonghwa. Maybe it worked for a while, a few months of being genuinely happy for his two friends finding love. Yeah, it was hard seeing one of his best friends get to touch you and talk to you in the way he wanted to, but the smiles that never left either of your faces were well worth it.

But then that night came.

He hadn't meant to see it. All of your friends had gone out to a crowded club, there was dancing and a lot of drinking. But with all the chaos of the night, nobody noticed when you and seonghwa slipped into the bathroom. A while later Yunho found himself needing to pee and made his way to the back of the club as well, but when he pushed open the door all thoughts of his original plans had left. There you were, spread out on the counter, chest heaving, tiny drops of sweat making their way down your neck. And there was seonghwa, standing between your legs slamming his hips into yours and a brutal pace, absolutely RUINING you. His back was to the door and your eyes were screwed shut, Yunho had only opened the door just far enough to see in so neither of the two of you had noticed him yet.

Yunho's first reaction was to close the door and pretend he hadn't seen anything, but he couldn't move, not once he heard the filth spewing seonghwas lips.

"My baby girl got so needy she needed me to fuck her with all of her friends around? What a little slut"

That was the first thing Yunho heard, and then whine that the words pulled out of you was damn near-pornographic, and it went straight to his dick. He only stood there for a few more moments before closing the door, but the damage had been done.

Did you guys fuck like this all the time? It felt so wrong, the perfect lovey-dovey couple Yunho had come to know were hiding such a dirty side to themselves.

Ever since that night, nothing has been the same. Yunho's thoughts of you turned more and more sinful than they had ever been, but there was something else. At first, Yunho thought it had just been the embarrassment of seeing such a private moment, but Yunho was now having the same amount of trouble meeting Seonghwas eyes as yours. Every time Yunho's mind drifted back to that moment Seonghwas figure was just as clear as yours, and although he didn't want to admit it, it was seonghwas words in the bathroom that made Yunho hard.

And that is how Yunho had come to discover that he had a crush and not one, but both of you. And almost every time Yunho took time to relive himself all he could image was seonghwas sharp and defined features manipulating your soft and supple ones into increasingly compromising positions, his calm voice eliciting those same desperate whines from you.

He knew this was fucked.

Yunho doesn't know at what point seonghwa became aware of his infatuation with himself and his girlfriend, maybe he had noticed him in the bathroom and chosen not to say anything, maybe mingi had told him one night in a slip of the tongue, maybe Yunho had told seonghwa himself while drunk. Either way, it all lead him to this moment. He was sitting in your bedroom with his back pressed into a wooden chair with seonghwa standing behind him binding his wrist together with a soft scarf you had lying around.

You sat on your bed observing the scene. This had all been seonghwa's idea, but you were more than willing. That being said watching your perfectly composed boyfriend secure the taller boy who had been stripped down to his boxers to a chair facing your bed was enough to have your face burning in the chilly room.

Seonghwa finished with the restraint and made his way in front of Yunho, who was already damn near star-eyed. Seonghwa reached out and clenched the man's jaw, forcing his eyes up to meet his own.

"Remember Yunho, you are here to watch. Not to touch. No matter how much you want to," seonghwa spoke in that calm domineering voice he reserved for moments like these. Yunho nodded eagerly as well as he could while his face was still in seonghwas grasp, his cheeks puffing out a little at the pressure.

Seonghwa let go of his face and ran his hand once through the younger boys' hair approvingly before both of their gazes fell on you.

You had been waiting patiently in the sweetest little lingerie set you could find. Seonghwa was still fully clothed, but he had a thing about having you look as pretty as possible before fucking you so hard you cried. With both of their attention now firmly on you, the cold of the room couldn't seem any further away, and with every step, seonghwa made twords you, you couldn't help but clench your thighs together in anticipation.

Finally, he stood before you, looking so beautiful it was unfair, close enough you could reach out and touch him. But you didn't, you knew better.

Seonghwa gave a wicked smirk at your sweet expectant face. The stage was finally set, and it was time for the show. He looked contemplative for a moment, before deciding on his first move.

"Lay back for me, baby"

You did exactly that, allowing your head to hit the soft blankets. Never breaking eye contact, however hard it was as your boyfriend looked ready to absolutely devour you. Careful not to block anything from Yunho's view seonghwa slowly climbed onto the bed on top of you using his hips to keep your legs in place and his arms coming down to cage your top half. He moved his head to your ear and spoke in his smoothest softest voice.

"Remember to be good sweetheart, we have a guest and I don't want to waste time punishing you tonight."

You whimper out a quiet "ok" before seonghwa placed a soft kiss on your temple. And he didn't stop there, your boyfriend only pulled back for a brief moment to observe your flushed face before diving back in.

Seonghwa was organized and neat in most aspects of life, but kissing was not one of them. His kisses are hard and wet. His exceptionally plump lips forced yours to follow his lead, prying your mouth open, nipping, and sucking at anything he could. Wet was the perfect word to describe it. Wet and amazing. Normally you would have waited for permission to touch him before swinging your arms around his neck pulling him closer but when his tongue found its way into your mouth toying with your own you needed someone to ground yourself.

To your surprise seonghwa had no objection to this instead threading his left hand through your hair pulling your head close as well, letting out a deep grunt in the process. His lips began to travel down to your neck and jaw, and now the sloppiness turned a little rougher. Seonghwa took a small break to speak, barely lifting his lips off your body but his voice still carried loud and clear.

" Don't hold back your sweet little cries, I'm sure Yunho would love to hear them"

Your mouth now free to cry out little by little at the way the cold air made contact with your now burning skin every time he moved. He was covering your skin in small red patches that would surely turn dark purple by tomorrow. You braced yourself on his shoulders when his lips came to rest of the swell of your chest. Seonghwas right had found its way under your knee lifting it a bit and caressing the underside of your thigh. You had finally become used to the sensation of his mouth on your body when he bit down. Hard.

You damn near choked. You threw your head back as a deep whine spilled sinfully out of you much louder than you intended. But it wasn't just you that was making noises, a deep guttural groan could be heard in harmony with your own from across the room. It was only then did you finally dare to turn your head to where Yunho sat. And you almost wished you didn't. The tall boy sat as hunched over as he could be, positively panting with desire his eyes staring, unblinking, and where you and your boyfriend were tangled together. Your eyes locked, Yunho was staring at you with so much hunger your heat throbbed, and your thighs clenched together. Seonghwas words cut through the tension bringing your attention back to him.

"My baby is so eager, looking so pretty as wrapped up for me. Just waiting for me to pull her apart."

You instinctively nodded.

"Yes, please. I'll be good I promise" you pleaded vacantly, still gripping your boyfriend for support. Seonghwas's right hand began to slide its way up the underside of your leg before moving around till he was palming the inside your leg.

"I know darling, I know you will"

A knowing smile graced his lips before he unhooked the clasp on your pretty bra, sliding it down your shoulders. You held your breath as he pulled himself back to sit on his heels still caressing your leg dangerously close to where you were currently making a mess of your nicest panties.

Seonghwa would never admit that he had a panty kink, but seeing you laid out for him in nothing but the thin little soaked scrap of fabric was scratching an itch that he didn't even know he had. He just had to take a moment to appreciate it.

Seonghwa turned his head twords Yunho. And speaking in that same clear strong voice.

"Yunho"

The boys eyed shaped up to meet seonghwas. Yunho, aside for the occasional moan or groan and been relatively silent up until that point. He looks at seonghwa expectantly. Your boyfriend sighed. Shaking his head for a moment.

"Yunho, when I talk to you I expect words." As he spoke seonghwa tightened his grip on your thigh, you let out a tiny moan. Yunho's eyes flashed to your thigh for a moment before realizing his distraction then flying back to seonghwas face. It was like he couldn't get the word out fast enough.

"Yes?" The word tumbled from his lips haphazardly.

"Yes, what?" Your boyfriend responded, clearly unamused, a scowl making its way onto his face.

Yunho visibly panicked, eyes darting around the room quickly. He didn't know what he missed. He looked at you for help. You knew what he missed, but you had no way of telling him.

"Umm," he began, still searching for the answer. Just when seonghwa looked like he was about to cut in a look of realization hit Yunho. He remembered the night not too long ago that he had come home from dinner, expecting the house to be quiet only to hear a specific word scream from your lips as he passed seonghwas room.

"Yes, sir?" Yunho asked, his eyes wide and pleading.

Seonghwa couldn't help his look of satisfaction.

"Good boy,"

The words made Yunho's face light up.

"Now Yunho, what would you like to see?" Your boyfriend asked. This question clearly took Yunho by surprise.

"Come on, I know you have been imagining me and my doll doing all kinds of things," as he spoke his hand finally slipped inside your panties. Two cold fingers sliding between your folds. You shudder out a gasp. You were wet, unbelievably so. It took so little for his fingers to slip through your slick, toying with you like he had done so many times before.

Yunho momentarily lost his focus on seonghwa instead looking at the imprint of his hand through the fabric. He looked starved. But his eyes returned to seonghwa once again.

"So, what is it. What was your favorite thing to imagine when you touch yourself." As he spoke his fingers began to make slow tight circles to your clit. You moaned out again and grasped wildly for a moment to ground yourself against the blankets.

Yunho once again looked at a loss for words, this time unable to peel his eyes away from the dark stain in your panties and the forearm connected to the hand in them.

Yunho licked his lips slowly before tearing his eyes away to look at seonghwa. He spoke slowly, his words were shaky but certain.

"Please, just fuck her. Hard, like you, always do." He looks embarrassed by his choice, but your heart leaped at the idea, you wanted seonghwa inside you right at that very moment. He was slowly working you into an orgasm and he had barely even done anything yet.

"Really? Is that all you want?" Your boyfriend asked. "No special requests?" The circles on your bud speed slightly as he spoke. Your legs began twitching with every stroke. You had been so wound up this whole time that along with every jerk a small whine was seeping past your lips.

"Please, just," Yunho took a moment to gather his thoughts " please, I just want to see what you both look like when you ruin her."

Seonghwa looked at the boy pensively for a moment.

"Ruin her?" Your boyfriends intense gazed finally made its way back to you "that I can do" and almost exactly as his sentence finished your first wave of orgasm crashed over you. You were now spilling whines freely and rocking your hips into your boyfriend's large hands. You closed your eyes tight for a few moments. Before thinking about the exchange that just took place. Ruin you? Seonghwa was a serious man when he wanted to be, and if he promised to ruin you, you knew he would. And honestly, it was a little scary.

Finally, you opened your eyes. Your boyfriend had been watching you through your high, not stopping his hand and now that you were coming down a dull pain replaced began to radiate up from your core. You reached down to grab his wrist

"Wait. Please-" you began to plead, looking into your boyfriend's eyes, but your words were cut off.

"Well, Yunho. If I'm going to ruin her I'm going to have to prepare her. Wouldn't want her to break" you whined at his words as his hand began to speed up once again over your extra sensitive nub. He then glanced over at the boy who seemed just as transfixed by your pleasure-filled face as seonghwa. "unless you want that"

"Please," was all Yunho could force out "I just want to see"

Seonghwa finally pulled his hand out from the ruined fabric. Despite the numbing pain that came from his handy work you were already missing the sensation and your hand on his wrist tightened again.

Seonghwa let out a sigh.

"Sweetheart, how am I supposed to let Yunho see what I can do to you if you still have these panties on," he asked in a disappointed tone. You reluctantly released his wrist.

Seonghwa finally found the time to pull his sweater over his head, tousling his hair in the process. Now it was both you and Yunho gawked. It was something both you and Yunho had seen a thousand times, but there was still something awe-inspiring about the way he looked kneeling over you with his bare golden honey skin on display.

If seonghwa noticed the stares he didn't address them as he moved to pull your ruined panties down your legs. The anticipation was clear on Yunho's face as the wet fabric slowly made its way down your legs. Finally, he pulled them off the tip of your toes. Because of you and seonghwas position, Yunho still couldn't see your heat. To your surprise, seonghwa stood up quickly from the bed. Your panties still between his fingers. He looked at Yunho.

"You want them?" He asked letting them dangle from his hand that was still glistening with your juices. Yunho choked out a "yes, sir"

Satisfied with his answer seonghwa walked over to the man, leaned over him, and slipped the fabric into his bound hands.

Your boyfriend then returned to you on the bed, but instead of climbing on top of you, he sat down beside you.

"Open up baby"

It may be a bit late in the game, but you were finally coming to terms with what is happening. Yunho, one of your closest friends is about to watch you get fucked by your boyfriend, you had to look away from the man at the sudden realization. Slowly, you opened your legs and you heard the sharp intake of breath that could only be from Yunho.

"What do you think?" Your boyfriend asked pulling your legs apart even more. You shut your eyes tight, feeling embarrassed.

"It's pretty" was all Yunho could Say. You flushed even deeper.

"I know, isn't it? My baby has such a pretty pussy" you choked.

"Open your eyes sweetheart, I want to look at you"

Slowly you opened them, still keeping your gaze firmly on your boyfriend's face.

"No need to be embarrassed sweetheart. You look so cute" seonghwa said in a coo.

Seonghwas hand slipped further between your legs, spreading you open for Yunho to see. You couldn't help but sneak a glance at the man. He was almost drooling, as he licked his lips.

"She tastes amazing," seonghwa says dipping a finger into your still sensitive heat. You felt yourself twitch.

"Normally I would spend hours eating her sweet little cunt, but that wasn't what you wanted to see" seonghwa spoke with false regret. Honestly, Yunho looked right now like there was nothing else in the world he would rather witness but everyone knew he had already made his choice.

Your boyfriend finally decided to push 2 fingers into you all at once. You whined out at the sudden intrusion.

"I have to get her ready first, I hope you don't mind" seonghwa spoke with a chuckle. Because no, with a view like that how could Yunho mind watching your boyfriend's two long fingers push in and out of you over and over again each time bringing a little more wetness out of you.

At this point you were gone, the pleasant stretched of the familiar fingers moving inside of you was like a mantra pulling small noises from you like a song. Seonghwa was brushing the inside of your walls oh so perfect if was unfair.

"She is always so wet, pulsing around my finger with so little work. What a little slut." Your eyes shot open with a moan at his words. His pace quickened. With your still heightened sensitivity, you already felt your stomach tighten.

"Oh. Do you like that? Like it when I call you my slut?"

"Yes, sir"

"Do you like being a little whore for me?"

"Yes, sir"

"Do you want me to fuck you in front of our friend, just so he can see how much of a slut you are?" At that, you locked eyes with Yunho across the room.

"Yes please sir, please show him how much of a slut I am for you" Yunho lurched forward for the first time, his dick straining so hard against his boxers it must be painful.

Seonghwa leaned down to give you a quick kiss on the forehead,

"Good girl"

Finally, seonghwa focused all his energy on bringing on your next orgasm. Pressing deliciously against that special spot inside you while his thumb returned to your pulsing clit. You were already so far gone that it only took a few more direct strokes for you to come tumbling down once again.

This one lasted much longer than the first. And once again seonghwa prolonged it as long as possible by not stopping his hand once throughout the whole time. The pleasure came on waves, washing over you with so much intensity it was all you could do to keep moaning so loud the neighbors could hear you.

Finally, when he pulled his fingers out you took a moment to catch your breath. But it wasn't long before it was stolen again by seonghwa sticking each finger in his mouth one at a time a sucking them clean, never once breaking eye contact with the boy in the chair.

"Hmm, sweet" was all he said, before standing from the bed once again and undoing his belt. Seonghwa pushed his hair back before undoing his jeans and pulling them down his legs. At last, he stood in nothing but his black boxers. If you weren't struggling so hard to keep your eyes open after your climax you would have ogled but Yunho's hungry eyes were wide and fixed on the impressive size of the tent in your boyfriend boxers. Seonghwa spared him a glace before chuckling.

Your boyfriend turned completely to Yunho and pulled down the boxers as well. You knew what was there, so you understand the feeling Yunho was having to lick his lips like that. Yunho's arms once again lurched forward.

"Remember, no touching" was all seonghwa said before turning back to you. He says down on the bed beside you once again

"Come sit on my lap baby,"

You almost groaned. You felt like you could barely move and you would much rather he take you just as you are, but you know better than to fight him.

Seonghwa positioned you both facing Yunho, so he could have the perfect view of you both.

You tried to keep your self as steady as possible as lined himself up under you. Your muscles protested as you held yourself up. Finally, seonghwa took hold of your hips and pushed you down onto him all at once. The two of you both let out a satisfied groan. Your pussy felt used and abused but at that moment all you could think about was how nice it felt to be full. Your head fell back onto your boyfriend's shoulder almost immediately.

"Awe, do I make you feel that good, baby? You like it when I fill you up that much?"

"Yes, sir, I love being full. Love it when you fill me up." Your words were slurred together but loud. Seonghwa, using his grip on your hips. Helped you lift yourself only to be pulled back down again.

"Holy fuck" Yunho spoke in a quiet tone, watching where your boyfriend's dick was now disappearing inside of you.

"Don't use that kind of language" seonghwa spat out while staring to set a fast and deliberate pace, his focus instead on fucking you to tears.

"I'm sorry sir, it's just-" he seemed to be at a loss for words. " I can see you in her tummy"

At that seonghwa chuckled again. He took your hand and lead it to the spot on your stomach you could feel him inside you.

"I know, my baby is such a slut she isn't satisfied until I fill her up this much."

All of these words were filtering in and out of your ears but all you could focus on was the feeling of seonghwas dick moving inside of you. You were so sensitive after two orgasms not so long ago that your body felt utterly spent but every single time seonghwa trusted up into you felt like you could cry at how good it felt. It hurt, yes it hurt, seonghwa was big, that's why he spent so much time working you up, but even with that, you could still feel him stretching out your wall in the most delicious way. Every time he pushed all the way into you could almost cry at the sensation, not to mention how he rubbed against every spot inside of you in the perfect way. You were a mess of whines and cries and tears.

"She's crying" Yunho spoke in a shaking voice.

Seonghwa brushed your hair away from your face, looking at the tears streaming on your face. Your boyfriend placed feather-light kisses against your cheeks where the tears streamed down. A stark contrast to the brutal pace he was drilling his hips into your cunt.

You were clenching madly against him and he couldn't help but chuckles, though it was now somewhat airy as he was nearing his own climax.

"You gonna come, baby?" He asked.

"Mmhmm" you whined, head still rolled back as he fucked into your relentlessly. You were so close, every time he pushed back into you you cried out wanting him to make you come so fucking bad.

Seonghwa took told of your chin with one hand and forced your head forward making you lock eyes with Yunho. He looks almost as fucked out as you probably did. Forehead sweating, chest heaving, dick twitching. The sight made you clenched down hard.

"Who knew my sweet little baby, want people to watch her get fucked like a whore." you clenching tears streaming down faster than ever. The hand not holding your chin found your clit and once again began rubbing slow but rough circles onto the bud. You were so full and so close, and knowing that Yunho was seeing you like this, looking him in the eye while seonghwa fucked you almost made you come.

"What do you think Yunho? Should I let my little slut come?" He asked pinching your bud and delivering a particularly hard thrust. You gagged on the drool spilling from your mouth.

" yes, please sir, please make her cum!: Yunho almost shouted, looking crazed.

"You heard him slut. Cum."

And that was all it took. You were shaking and writhing on top of your boyfriend, head and eyes rolled back and your eyes saw stars. Waves don't even being to describe the way pleasure was moving through your body.

"Sir, it feels so good" was all you could say between the cries, and yes you were crying for real now. Short of losing consciousness, you were gone to the world. Lost in the feeling.

It took you several minutes to realize that seonghwa was still fucking you. But once you did you jerked painfully.

"No, no please" fell past your dry lips. As you moved to sit up. But seonghwas had kept you in place.

"You're not going anywhere baby, I still haven't cum yet and I am going to right in your little pussy."

It hurt, and you were crying, but all you wanted to do was be a good girl for seonghwa so you stayed put, letting him use you. You looked up at Yunho, your eyes glossy, mouth hanging open, probably covered in bruises as you always were when seonghwa fucks you.

Yunho moaned out, straining against the fabric keeping him tied to the chair.

At that moment seonghwa finally came. You could hear his groan through his chest and feel the cum spilling into you. Nice and full.

With a few more thrust seonghwa finally stopped. Allowing you to rest a moment before pulling you off him. You collapsed into your blankets. Feeling moments away from sleep, but you kept your eyes open. Seonghwa took a moment before standing pulling up his own boxers before moving over to where Yunho sat panting. He looked down at the boy and laughed.

"You came untouched?"

"Yes sir"

[burnedbyshoto]

a brush of luck

— In a world where soulmates exist you can communicate yours with a brush of a pen. It just doesn’t help that you are a certified idiot with a skill in misplacing things. —

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pairing: todoroki shouto x reader

warnings: fluff, angst, soulmate!au, cursing

word count: 4,229

a/n: this is for the bnaharem collab and I was super horrible and was not ready and i just woke up and threw this together please dont hate me uhuhuhuhhh see the masterlist here!!!

message to join my tag list!

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“Hey, y/l/n, you forget this!”

Your hair was falling into your face, your face flustered, and your binders filled with paper seemed to be liquid as they slowly fell to the ground.

Kaminari stood behind you when you turned around. His lips were picked into a kind smile. It was a teasing one too by the small glint in his eyes while he held onto your backpack and phone. A look of self-realized stupidity washed over your face when your head threw back into a groan. How stupid were you, really?

“I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed, throwing your things onto the nearest desk. You felt the tips of your ears burn with embarrassment when Kaminari helped you slip on your backpack and pocketed your phone in the jacket pocket. “I swear I’m the most forgetful person in the world.”

“Well, you do really clinch the title of the person who would forget their head if it wasn’t on their shoulders.”

Snorting, you shoved him with your shoulder, and he helped you regather your things with a low groan.

“Let’s see the tattoo,” you grin, ready to head out once again. Groaning loudly, Kaminari didn’t seem to want to give in to your demand, but still, with a twitch of his eye and a shove of his sleeve, he showed off his arm. “You know what, I’m going to say it—”

“I’m going to say it, I don’t care that you broke your elbows,” Kaminari finishes the phrase with you with a snort.

“Do you think it’s the first thing out of their mouth or matching tattoo?” you asked curiously when you blond best friend also prepped to leave the classroom for the day. 

“I hope its the first thing out of their mouth, imagine how fucking ultra sexy foxy hot that would be,” Kaminari moaned, his eyes rolling to the back of his eyes at the thought. Gagging at the visual horniness of that thought, you walked away, grinning at the way that Kaminari stumbled over his feet to catch up with you.

This was the world you lived in, the world of soulmates.

You weren’t sure when they had first started, but you know that it wasn’t always a phenomenon that was around. When you roamed the internet looking at old, old stories on soulmates, these theories, these worlds were built on one single concept.

They wrote about a world of black and white for everyone until that fateful moment, or matching tattoos for everyone. But no, this world was much more complicated, much more detailed. Yes, in the world there were a lot of theories that ended up being true, but the thing they didn’t see coming was that every couple — every polyamorous relationship consisted of a unique theme.

Kaminari’s soulmate was linked with tattoo’s, and the purpose behind said symbol was unknown, unheard of until he met them. Yours, as you could guess and know, was also different. Pressing your fingers against the pen that sat on the inside pocket of your uniform jacket, you smiled when Kaminari’s arm was thrown around you.

“At least you’ve never lost or forgotten that pen of yours, that would be dangerous!”

“I promise I will never ever forget it.”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

You sat on your bed nearing midnight. You were cocooned into your blankets flipping through your Hero Lawbook that you were supposed to have read months ago, but now finally was. Humming to yourself, you read through the apparent laws and the not so evident laws.

For instance, there is a law that Pro Heroes are not allowed to eat off the edge of buildings anymore! American transfer students had littered so much it became a law!

Snorting to yourself, you flipped the page.

But something warm pressed into your forearm, the most heated energy that sent shivers down your spine. It was comforting as it was ethereal. The second your body recognized the feeling, the Hero Lawbook went soaring across the room, and you grabbed your pen that was waiting at your side for ages now. 

Hi, sorry I’m just able to get back to you. I had a bunch of homework and friends who just let me leave them.

Smiling to yourself, you twirled the pen in your fingers and scribbled down your response:

It’s all good, I’ve been studying this entire time too, was just bored and didn’t respond to you earlier today!

Your soulmate theme was straightforward and quite comprehensive — it was dubbed the Forearm and Pen theme (you hated that theme). You could communicate with your soulmate by writing with the pen on your arm, but it only worked with that pen, nothing else.

The year you were to turn sixteen, you received a pen from literally out of the blue. You remember celebrating New Year with your class in your first year at U.A.; it had been an enjoyable night! Everything in life was still going fantastic, and your class was finally past the excellent friend’s point and felt like a genuine family. You remember hugging and telling everyone good night, still being fifteen at that point, and stumbling back to your room exhausted.

When you had gotten back to your room, you didn’t even undress; simply tugging off your pants and removing your bra, you threw yourself onto the bed. But you had landed on something stiff and painful, groaning your hands shuffled for whatever it was that you fell on, and when you grabbed it, you froze at the sight of the white box. 

Was this a gift?

Your entire life, you had always wondered if you did have a soulmate, most people you knew after all had soulmate markers that appeared since birth. But you were perfectly normal. You saw all colors; you had no shared pain; there was no tattoo, no mind link, no dream meetings.

Nothing.

You were normal.

Sighing, you opened the box, hoping that it was from someone you at the very least respected.

Inside was a silver pen.

You blinked your eyes rapidly, unsure of what you were looking at, there were no initials, no engraving, nothing. 

It was an exquisite pen, and despite what you thought, it was very, very light. Frowning, your fingers pushed down on the pen, but there was nothing that came out, was there no ink?

Shrugging, you dragged it against your arm feeling the way that the cool tip delicately massaged your arm. It felt nice.

“Holy shit!”

Your eyes saw the pretty grey silvery ink on your forearm. It stood out against your skin, the ink appearing nowhere else but your arm, and then it hit you.

This was for your soulmate!

With excitement tearing through you, your exhaustion no longer bitting on your skull, but the overwhelming need to know that this was for your soulmate shook you awake. Twirling the pen in your fingers, you couldn’t help but start writing.

OMG HI

You sat there staring at your forearm, unsure as to what to do next. What do you do next?

Hey?

If your heart could be anywhere but your chest, you were nearly positive it existed within your throat at this very moment. This was nervewracking, holy shit.

Sorry, you don’t know me, but I’m ___ ___.

You frowned when you tried to write your name, it was stopping you.

It seems that we do have some rules to this entire thing.

They responded back to you, and as if they could hear you, you groaned loudly.

This soulmate shit was already stopping your excitement, it seemed.

From that very first night, the two of you were able to discover a few things. First off, anything too personal was not allowed to be written out. So names, location, and gender were the biggest ones. Birthdays were not, and you were quick to find out that both of you were still fifteen. Second of all, just because you couldn’t figure out where exactly you both were located, you did manage to put together that you were both in Japan. Third of all, your soulmate was a Hero in Training just like you and was a male. Last, of all, you were quick to realize that you were in love with the way your body felt like it was gently warming up whenever he messaged you.

I think I deserve a round of applause.

You grinned after writing your sentence, your eyes watching while the warmth filled your body and his writing slowly appearing on your forearm.

Did you not forget anything today? I find that hard to believe.

You had to suppress a scream.

WELL, IT HAPPENED! I GOT EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO BRING BACK TO MY ROOM WITH ME!!

Weren’t you the one who forgot to bring your entire backpack to school the other day?

NO! I said I almost did, but my bestie got it for me!

How do you forget everything? I think you should try to make a list to make sure that you always have things you need for the day.

... I do… but I always lose the list, and im always running late…

You’re the worst…

Congrats bbg, I’m your soulmate

The world really doesn’t want to bless me with a good life, it seems…

HEY, THAT’S MEAN!

The two of you banter for what seems like hours, the night sky fading from blackness to the deep blue of the sky right before the sunrise. You had spent the entire night curled into your pillow, your face shoved into the soft fabric to suppress your chortling snorts because you geniunely enjoyed interacting with your soulmate. But it was late, and you both had classes early that next morning.

Okay, asshole, I need to sleep! I got this stupid test tomorrow that I did not study for. I'll write to ya tomorrow!! Goodnight!!!

Don’t be rude to your soulmate :( but goodnight, and good luck on that test, sorry for keeping you up.

Smiling at his words, you put the pen to your forearm one last time.

I will never ever accept your apology for making me stay up, I love talking with you, goodnight soulmate, sweet dreams.

You placed the pen down, your eyes fluttering close, heavy with sleep. But still, no exhaustion could suppress the fluttering warmth in your body when words appeared on your arm. 

Sweet dreams, soulmate.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“Fuck, sorry,” you groaned when you sleepily slammed into the person standing in front of you. 

Blinking tiredness away from your eyes — poorly at that too — you focused up at Shouto. Grinning, you waved at your classmate, who looked almost as exhausted as you felt and definitely looked.

“It’s okay,” he nodded at you stepping to the side so that the two of you could walk side to side.

“You ready for that test today?” you asked after moments of silence.

You and Todoroki Shouto were not as close as you would like to be. Since day one, you had always had a thing for the duality of a man, and while it was mostly superficial feelings derived from the fact that he was attractive above anything else, it still made you awkward around him. At the time, your feelings were still holding you down, you always fully believed that you had no soulmate, so you thought maybe you could sweep him off his feet. It was rumored that his scar covered up his own soulmate mark, so there was no way for him to know who his soulmate was.

Selfishly and embarrassingly, you hoped that you could have him.

Then you met your soulmate, and things changed.

But now you and your classmates were all eighteen and held the world in your hands, yet you couldn’t speak to him usually still.

“There’s no test today?” Shouto stilled, his eyes narrowing in confusion, and your eyes screwed too.

“Isn’t it… Friday? We have a Hero Law test?”

“Y/l/n,” Shouto snorted a grin spreading across his features, “It’s Wednesday.”

If there was a god, he would shoot you right now.

Your cheeks burned with embarrassment while you walked faster to the classroom, Shouto keeping up with your pace easily, he was taller than you after all.

“Shut up,” you warned, your gaze not reaching Shouto’s who was staring at you.

“I wasn’t speaking.”

“I could hear you thinking!”

Shouto put on a smirk, his eyes teasing you, and his mouth dropping to speak, but there was a loud interruption.

“Y/L/N-CHAAAANNNNNN!!!!”

Both of you turned to see Kaminari chasing after you, his arms waving, looking out of breath.

“YOU FORGOT YOUR JACKET AND TIE!”

Shouto chuckled beside you, and you stared down to see that you were, in fact, only wearing half of your uniform. If there’s a god, he will end you now, you thought.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

You're not serious right now, are you?

Going on three years of knowing your soulmate, or at the very least talking with him, you thought you had a good understanding of who he was. He was strong, powerful, and kind. He came off a bit standoffish at times but was the dumbest person you’ve ever known. Common sense was not his friend, and that was okay. 

Even at times when the two of you had your differing opinions because it did happen, it never snowballed more into a small annoyance that the two of you would apologize for and move on. But this was something that shouldn’t have had become a fight, it shouldn’t have been anything more potent than a difference of opinion, but when you suggested entertaining the thought of when the two of you would finally meet, he was uncharacteristically cold. 

Hurt by his tone, you told him, and he said you to grow up until it became this written fight.

Why couldn’t you talk about meeting?

Why didn’t he want to think about what would happen when the two of you would meet?

It was getting ugly for no reason, a fight just to fight, and it was making you nauseous.

But he crossed a line that couldn’t be fixed when he wrote a simple sentence:

Just because you’re my soulmate doesn’t mean I have to love you, meet you, or marry you.

So there you sat, your bottom lip trembling with tears streaking down your blotchy face. He wasn’t being serious, was he? There was no way… no fucking way this was him. The warmth that flooded your body with his new message felt ice-cold, poisoning you from the inside out while you read it.

You're my soulmate, but I have no obligation to do anything with you now or ever. The world chose you for me, not me. I didn’t choose you. I don’t owe you anything here. Soulmates are bullshit and don’t fucking bother messaging me again if you expect me to fall in love with you just because our “souls are connected”

It was needless to say that you didn’t respond back, not because you felt like he should love you because of your connected souls, but because your sobbing and broken emotions left you curled into a ball, ready for a sleepless slumber to take you.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“You don’t look too hot,” Kaminari told you, hitting you with his foot when your bleary and puffy eyes stared at your best friend.

Kirishima and Mina, who were sitting beside him, elbowed him at the same time, berating him for his insensitive comment. You could feel Sero and Bakugou staring at you, their eyes concerned and curious. 

“What’s eating ya up?” Sero asked, and you found a rock-forming in your throat when you shrugged.

“Soulmate problems…”

“That was fucking obvious,” Bakugou rolled his eyes, taking a drink of his water. “Tell us the problem, not a stupid summary.”

Surprisingly that’s all it took for you to come undone, and you explained what happened with tears falling down your face and a sniffling nose. There was a lot to tell them about it, and you showed them the pen while explaining the entire story. They listened to every word you uttered, faces concern but taking in everything you said.

“You’re an idiot,” Bakugou spoke the second you were finished, his eye twitching while he glared at you. You swallowed thickly, placing the pen on the table while Bakugou edged closer towards you. “He’s not wrong, you know, stupid fucking soulmates are just this irrational solution to an irrational problem. Love is much more complex than that, and you don’t seem to have been fighting for him in that way either, sure you seem like good friends, but that doesn’t give you the right to expect him to love you. But he was a complete fucking dick about it, so I say kill him.”

Your — and all of the rest of your friend group — eyes widened at his words. With nothing to follow him up, you all continued to stare at him while he munched on his food.

“WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING EXTRAS LOOKING AT!”

“Is Bakugou a love expert?” Mina’s stage whispered to the group.

“He almost was, but then he said to kill y/n’s soulmate, so probably not anymore,” Kirishima responded back.

“SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I KILL YOU!”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

It took four days before the warm feeling shot through your body again.

Fuck, I'm really sorry, I was a complete fucking dick. I said a lot of things, and i didn’t mean to say I was angry and upset, and I know that you're upset, rightfully upset, but i don’t want to lose you.

No matter how long it took for him to get back to you, your heart squeezed with euphoria and poison, your hands moving to grab your pen in your pocket.

It wasn’t there.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

You tore apart your room, trying to find the silver pen but you couldn’t find it.

Stay as mad as you want, I just… please talk with me soon, even if it takes five days. I'm sorry, soulmate.

Frustrated tears poured down your face, nausea almost making you wheeze when you stared at the words you wanted to reply to.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

One day after he apologized:

Don’t want to bother you, just wanted to apologize again and say that I miss you, talk to you soon.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Five days after he apologized:

I’m not really sure if this is normal or not… I'm not really… educated when it comes to romance and shit like that, especially when it comes to someone being upset with the other… my female classmates told me that I should expect a response from you soon. I'm really sorry, please write soon.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

So it seems that i’ve fucked up to the point of no return. I'm sorry, I miss you, I love you. Maybe one day I can reconvince you that I'm your soulmate for a good reason, but I guess I’ll have to work on that.

It had been fourteen days since he had apologized, and you sat in your room with tears streaming down your face. You wanted to respond back, but even fourteen days of tirelessly searching U.A.’s entire campus, ripping it stone by stone, there was no finding your pen. Every day without fail, he gave you an update of his day and another apology. Every day they got more hopeless, more pained.

This was his last message for a while, he needed time to work things out with himself now, the strain of this and graduation coming soon being too much to handle at the moment. 

Wiping your tears for what felt like the hundredth time within this past twenty minutes, you stood up on your wobbly legs to go downstairs for water. You were dehydrated and absolutely needed to get out for both fresh air and water.

Walking down the stairwell with swollen eyes, you groaned when you slammed into a body when you opened the door to the common area. 

Shouto blinked down at you, and you felt your throat clampdown at the pained look in his own eyes.

“Have you been—”

“Are you—”

You both spoke over each other, and despite the horrid feeling coursing through your bones, you cracked a smile.

“I’m getting water,” you explained with a shrug. “Long night ya know, just needed to replenish my system so I can cry some more.”

Shouto stared at you, and with horror, you realized precisely what you had said.

“Oh my god, ignore me!” you squeak, covering your face trying to move past him, but Shouto seemed to be curious now and followed after you.

“What’s making you cry?” he asked while you rush to the fridge to get your glass of water.

“What’s got you upset?” you counter downing the cup of water.

Shouto sighed, leaning against the counter of the island in the kitchen. “Would it be weird to say its soulmate issues?”

Swallowing the water in your mouth, you shook your head, a tired smile on your face, “Embarrassingly enough, my issue is also with soulmate stuff.”

A joyless chuckle escaped his mouth, and Shouto’s head tilted backward. You studied his jaw and the way his body seemed tense, too tense.

“What happened?” you press gently standing next to him, shouldering him gently.

“I fucked up, and now my soulmate won’t talk with me,” he says slowly, his head nodding while he glances at you. “I guess telling your soulmate you don’t want them is a bad thing.”

You snorted, nodding your head in agreement, “It’s not just a bad thing, its a super fucked up thing.”

Shouto sighed in agreement, and there was silence when you took another drink of your water.

“I didn’t know you were in contact with your soulmate, though,” you smile wistfully, your hand twirling the cup on the counter. “How’d you meet them?”

“I actually don’t know who they are,” Shouto admitted with pursed lips, and your eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “I have that soulmate thing where you write on your arm, and they can read it.”

Showing off his arm, you glanced at the pale skin. You nodded your head when he pulled out a silver pen that looked similar to yours.

“Well,” you shrug your shoulders, motioning him to write. “I’m no expert, but let’s see if I can help you get your soulmate to forgive you.”

“T-They haven’t responded to me in two weeks…” Shouto’s voice cracks, and the number burns a hole through your stomach. “I’ve written every day, but no answer. I don’t really know what to do, and all the girls in the class don’t really know what to do. Bakugou also said to go fuck myself over it, so I don’t think I really have had any help.”

Ignoring the twisting in your stomach, you willed your weirdness away to shuffle in your seat, “Well, you haven’t asked me, asshole, come on, let’s see what I can do.”

Shouto chuckles, his head nodding, “That is true, but to be fair, you’ve been anywhere, but in the dorm these past few weeks.”

“I lost something,” you mutter embarrassed, but you shake away your problems and point at his wrist. “Write an apology.”

You watched when he wrote, the words expressing his apology and love seeping through the silvery ink on his wrist. You told him to add things to delete things, but in the end, it ended up feeling like a genuine and sincere apology. You watched his pen leave his skin and a warmth shot through your arm. 

Shivering, you looked at your arm, trying to see what your soulmate had written to you even though he said he was going to stop.

The words he wrote appeared on your skin.

Your eyes widened when you stared at Shouto, who was also staring at your arm. 

Your eyes met in an almost world-altering way. This entire time, for three whole years, the two of you had been by each other and never knew. Midnight conversations wasted through ink instead of face to face. Your heart hammered in your throat, and tears once again poured from your eyes when you both stood at full height, staring at each other.

Todoroki Shouto was your soulmate — he was yours, and you were his.

“I’m so sorry, y/n, I don’t know what happened to me. You didn’t deserve that, and fuck, I’m so sorry—”

“I lost my pen, and I couldn’t respond back, I forgave you, but I had no way of reaching back! But I was always forcing myself onto you—”

You both interrupted the other, and now you stared at each other, drinking in the presence of each other and belittling yourselves for not knowing sooner; looking at it now, it was just so obvious. You can’t help it and pull him into a hug. His strong arms wrap around you, and you can hear his hammering heart on your ear, and it fills you up with the familiar warmth when he writes you. This seemed to be a brush of luck it seems.

“Can I kiss you, soulmate.”

“Please do.”

[tricktster]

I noticed at least some of you seem to be into my recent Swamp Content, so I went out last night around sunset to record the soundtrack of spring in the wetlands for y’all, because I think you should be forced to confront my daily reality of every single animal in the woods simultaneously screaming about how they want, no, NEED, to fuck. 

Now, you may notice that animals’ sex solicitations are not the only noises in this video, and that brings me to the other denizen of these wretched boglands: my only neighbor, the swamp witch. 

Note: I am currently living that millennial lifestyle where I am somehow simultaneously a respected professional that earns a lot of money and absolutely buried in the student loan debt that I had to incur to get to be a respected professional that earns a lot of money. I traded my pride for fiscal responsibility, I moved back in with my parents, and I have spent the past few years diligently paying that shit down while saving for a down payment on my own house. Honestly? I’m so fucking grateful that my parents gave me this opportunity, since I’m finally at the point where the homes in my price range have like, roofs and bathrooms that aren’t carpeted and basically no bloodstains on the walls. There has really only been one downside to returning to this house, and that is that there is no way not to regularly encounter the swamp witch, because, again, she is my only neighbor for as far as the eye can see, on account of everything else being swamp. 

Me and the swamp witch go way back, and I know more about her than most, because she has a daughter about my age, so when I was a kid I would very occasionally enter the neighboring property on the daughter’s invitation. As a result, I have known the swamp witch for approximately twenty years, during which she has never demonstrated the barest capacity for being anything except actively wretched. 

I was going to tell you all the ways that she’s the worst, category by category, but honestly, I only got through one sub-category before I got overwhelmed at how much more there was to write. So we’ll leave out the bits about how she interacts with her family, my family, her employees, the legal system, and so on. Let’s just talk animals, and there is a MAJOR CONTENT WARNING HERE FOR ANIMAL NEGLECT AND DEATH:

As you can hear in the video, she has only one vocal pitch, and it is screaming. 

“What is she screaming at?” You might ask, and I would answer “A varying amount of small dogs that is never less than four.” They are generally impulse purchases at the mall pet store, or she receives them as gifts. They are not trained, ever, and she appears to hate them in the same way that Miss Hannigan in Annie hates orphans, where like... one has to question why she is then accumulating so many, when it would be so easy to just not have several hundred poorly behaved small dogs that she has to scream at all day. 

At the end of the video, she calls them “little rats,” which again, is a real “evil orphanage owner and/or Cruella DeVille” move

Occasionally, mixed in with the small dogs, there will be a big one, and she will also hate that one. 

When I first met her, she had a big dog named Poop. 

Why was the dog named Poop, you might ask? Well, because she was inspired by the fact that the poor dog clearly had some sort of devastating intestinal issue that caused it to produce such enormous and clearly unhealthy dumps that I can really only describe them as “not technically a war crime, but...” 

The swamp witch does not enjoy cleaning up her dogs’ feces, or really addressing the fact that they have bathroom needs in any way. When I was a kid, I used to go inside her house to hang out with her daughter, and there would always be just a Pomeranian poop chilling on the kitchen floor.  

Since Poop (the dog) would have destroyed the entire first floor of her house if he’d gone inside, she instead directed him to do his business on our driveway.

Since Poop’s insides were all messed up, Poop would constantly eat grass. Poop passed away after the swamp witch threw him outside to poop on our driveway, and he stopped to eat the grass, including the illegal pesticide she’d just sprayed on her front lawn. 

Lest you think that the swamp witch merely has it out for dogs, let me clarify: Dogs are one of the types of animals she accumulates, because, deep down, she hates every animal.

The swamp witch clearly has a special dislike for birds, which is why she has several varieties of very long-lived parrots that are, obviously, not socialized. The parrots are therefore constantly screeching, regardless of time of day. She does not like this, so she will scream at them to shut up whenever they are screeching, which is always. 

For my entire childhood, the swamp witch did not park in her garage. Why not, you ask? Well, because the garage was full of ducks, you see. 

Just a flock of thirty ducks that she stored in a garage. 

She did, at least, keep one sort of animal that was perfectly suited to be kept outdoors as a domestic pet in a place renowned for its harsh and lengthy winters and I am totally kidding it was fucking peacocks. She had peacocks. Four peacocks, which she hated. 

The peacocks had slashing talons and a penchant for child attacks. 

Peacocks, if you were curious, also enjoy screaming.

At least one of the peacocks lasted incredibly long, by swamp witch animal standards, and every second of that long life was spent either plotting escape, trying to attack people once it had escaped, or, of course, screeching. 

There are always at least nine purebred cats, which she absolutely loathes. They are always extremely expensive purchases from a mall pet store, and they invariably have a genetic defect that makes them less able to function without human assistance than your standard cat, which is why they are indoor/outdoor, in a swamp filled with coyotes. 

The cats, needless to say, appear and vanish on something of a heavy rotation due to coyote related tragedies. 

There was briefly a goat, which somehow lived indoors. 

The last time I remember being in that house, there was a rubbermaid tub full of baby snapping turtles. 

I finally had to wrap this up because after the snapping turtles, I realized that I could keep going. I could just keep going on about the swamp witch and animals. I’m nowhere near done. I cannot believe this is a real person, but it is, and she is probably less than 1000 feet away from me right now, and she is possibly in a room full of dolls because one of the rooms in that house is just porcelain dolls its just dolls you guys it’s literally just-

no. 

I’m done. Let it go, TST. 

This is what the swamp witch feeds on. 

[agent-breakdance]

(Icarus Ch. 3) - Flashbacks and Flashcards

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F! MC (Olivia Anika Cohen)

Word count: 2.3k words

A/N: This chapter will be slightly less angsty than usual. Hope you guys enjoy the little bit of respite but don’t worry, we’ll be getting right back to it in the next chapter which happens to be the last of the series. There is a sequel in the works, however.

Warning: Language, mentions of drug abuse, gratuitous use of flashbacks. 

Disclaimer: PB owns characters. There’s lots of Grey’s Anatomy references with some dialogue borrowed from Open Heart.

Tag list:  @deliciouslydeafeningstarlight​​ @drethanramslay​​ @ohramsey​​ @theeccentricbibliophile​​ @justanotherrookie​​ @kaavyaethanramsey​​ @batgirlassociationofgothamcity​​ @tyrilstarfury​​ @lilypills​​ @juneiswriting​​ @fleur-de-jasmin-fdj​​ @mvalentine​​ @sanchita012​​ @choicesstan1​​ @junggoku​​ @aylamreads​​ @whatsamottowithyou​​ @utterlyinevitable​​ @openheart12​

Let me know if you’d like to be added or removed.

Song: Uncover by Zara Larsson.

Olivia was seated in another one of Professor Hardman’s lectures as he went completely off-topic. This time, however, she had found ways to keep herself occupied. Her eyes scanned the room only to find dozens of students dozing off, including Tobias. Her eyes finally landed on Ethan. 

He felt her eyes on him and turned to look at her. She saw as his lips quirked up in a small smile. She had no doubt that he was remembering the events that had occurred starting off with their ‘talk’.

Olivia was very curious upon receiving a mysterious text from Ethan asking her to meet him “you know where”. She stared at the text as she arrived outside the abandoned lecture hall. There was no sign of him anywhere. Suddenly, a hand reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her inside the room and shutting the door. She let out a relieved sigh upon facing him.

“You figured it out, huh Rookie?” 

“Well, it was pretty obvious considering this is the only place we’ve ever been alone. Why’d you ask me here anyway?”

“I thought we might need to talk about what happened.” Ethan said.

Olivia laughed. “Uh huh. What do you want to talk about? I thought everything was pretty obvious.” 

“How about you make it completely clear so I don’t make a fool of myself?” 

“Now, that I’d like to see.” Olivia chuckled and earned a glare from Ethan which promptly dissolved into a smile at her next words.

“We’re dating, Ethan.”

He crossed the distance between them and captured her lips in a kiss. Her breathing grew ragged as the kiss deepened but they both pulled back with a smile before getting too carried away. 

“I don’t mean any disrespect but would you mind if we keep this to ourselves for now? I don’t want all of our friends teasing us about it.” Ethan asked. 

“I was going to suggest it if you weren’t.” Olivia said with a smile. 

“I guess we’re a lot more alike than we thought.”

The rest of the week was filled with secret rendezvous at ‘their spot’ and a lot of secret texting. Ethan hated texting but he made an exception for their situation and for her.  

There had been a lot of close calls where they had almost been discovered by Tobias or the rest of their friends or the janitor (oops?) but the thrill of secrecy only amplified the excitement of their relationship. 

Tobias suddenly woke up. He saw Olivia trying to discreetly look in his direction and smiled. At that moment, he was completely oblivious to Ethan sitting to his left.  Her gaze fell on his and she quickly averted her eyes. Her mind started racing as she prayed that Tobias hadn’t seen her little interaction with Ethan. She let out a quiet sigh of relief as she heard the professor dismiss the class. 

“Saved by the bell. Well, metaphorically.” She thought.

***

As the evening rolled around, they decided to end the week by getting drunk at their neighborhood bar.  

“What can I get ya?” The waitress asked as she approached the table.

“Liv, we doing this?” Bryce asked. Olivia gave him a grin and looked around the table. Aurora groaned and flopped her head onto the table. Jackie had a smug grin on her face, Elijah wore an excited smile and Sienna muttered to herself.

“Not again...”

Her gaze landed on the terrified expressions of Ethan and Tobias and she gave Bryce a nod.

Before Ethan could place an order with the waitress, Bryce got up and walked to the bar and Olivia thanked the waitress but refused her service.

She was met with confused stares from Ethan and Tobias. 

“What’s going on, Liv?” They asked simultaneously. 

Their question was soon answered as Bryce arrived at the table with a tray lined with glasses filled with the familiar blue liquid. 

“What on God's green earth is that monstrosity?” Ethan asked. 

“This is a drink of my own invention. I call it ‘Early Onset Alzheimer’s’. In honor of a couple of new additions to our group.” Bryce grinned.

“Please tell me I don’t actually have to drink this.” Ethan whispered to Olivia.

“Oh you’ll be fine. You can order your ‘scotch, neat’ later.” 

“How did you know that was my poison?” 

“The time I met Tobias at the bar, I noticed your drink. You should know by now not to underestimate me.” Olivia winked at him.  

“Indeed, Rookie.” He smiled as he tossed back the drink. 

Everyone except Bryce groaned as they set down their glasses.

“That was vile, Lahela. Remind me never to accept a drink from you ever again.” Ethan said.

They all laughed as Tobias flagged down the waitress to take their actual orders.   

An hour passed as they all got progressively more drunk. By the end of their fourth round of drinks, they had gone through a whole bottle of tequila and were now using it to play Truth or Dare upon Olivia’s suggestion.

She spun the bottle and it landed on Bryce. 

“Truth or Dare, Bryce?” 

“Dare.”

Upon seeing the mischievous smirk on Olivia’s face, he groaned. “I do not like this at all.” 

Her eyes darted around the bar and lit up when she saw Professor Hardman at the bar counter.

“You have to go ask Prof. Hardman about his trip to Australia.” Olivia said which earned hoots from around the table.

“What did I ever do to you, Liv? That man could talk for hours about Australia.” 

They all laughed as they saw Bryce engage in conversation with the professor.

“Well, he won’t be back for at least an hour or so. Let’s play!” Sienna said.

They played a few more rounds which consisted of Jackie guzzling hot sauce, Elijah calling up his crush to explain the rules of monopoly and Aurora successfully intimidating the first person Jackie had picked out for her into giving her his number. 

Bryce returned to the table after a grueling hour and a half. 

The bottle landed on Ethan. “Truth or Dare?”

“I suppose if I’m being forced to play this ridiculous game where my fate depends on an empty bottle and the mercy of your creativity, I will pick truth.”

“Do you have a crush on anyone at the university?” Bryce asked with a smirk.

Ethan and Olivia shared an imperceptible smile. She quickly looked away only to meet Sienna’s eyes.

Olivia walked back to her dorm, her mind still swirling from the flashbacks to Ethan telling her about his own past and the kiss. She stepped into her room only to find papers and textbooks strewn about on the floor, waking her from her rumination. 

“Hey Liv!” She heard Sienna’s voice as her head poked out from under a pile of books. Olivia sat down next to Sienna. 

“What’s that?” Sienna pointed to a white piece of cloth poking out from her coat pocket.

The bold monogram ‘EJR’ stood out perfectly in the white background. 

“Aren’t those Ethan’s initials? I’ve seen them on his lab coat.”

Olivia remained silent as her mind raced to come up with a logical explanation. “Yeah, it’s Ethan’s handkerchief. I had an accident in the lab and he gave it to me to wipe up the blood on my hands.”

“Uh huh. There’s no blood on the handkerchief, Liv.”

Olivia tried to come up with an excuse but she finally relented and narrated the encounter, save for the details of both their traumas.

Sienna exclaims and rushes over to hug her. “So, Mr. Stick Up His Ass, huh?” Sienna waggles her eyebrows jokingly. 

Olivia laughs and playfully pushes her. “Turns out he’s not so bad.”

Ethan’s eyes flit to Olivia for a second.

“I suppose it was too much to expect a decent question from you. But to answer your question, no I do not.”

“Aw, you’re no fun.” Bryce said. 

He handed the bottle over to Jackie and watched as she spun it. It landed on Tobias. 

“Truth or Dare, Tobias?”

“I think all the tequila is giving me some liquid courage. I’ll go with dare.” Tobias said.

“I dare you to kiss the most attractive person in the bar.” Jackie said as the table cheered him on.

Tobias stood up as all eyes remained trained on him. He walked over to Olivia and kissed her, eliciting hoots and hollers from the table. 

Ethan’s eyes widened and flashed with jealousy but he quickly composed himself. 

“He cheated! I’m obviously the most attractive person here.” Bryce said in mock anger. 

Olivia laughed as they broke apart. Her eyes flit over to Ethan and she gave him an amused smile, taking note of his jealousy.

Bryce walked over and pulled Tobias in for a kiss. 

“There! Now it’s fixed.” Bryce said with a smile.

The table erupted in laughter at Tobias’ shocked expression. 

“Ok guys, we’ve all officially had too much to drink. We should go.” Olivia said, chuckling. 

They made it back to their respective dorms after last call. Olivia and Sienna stepped into their dorm and closed the door behind them.

Sienna stepped into the bathroom to freshen up when her phone lit up with a call. 

Olivia made her way to the phone upon Sienna’s instruction and read the caller ID.

“So are you and Ethan a thing now?” Sienna asked.

“We haven’t talked about it yet. It was just a kiss.” 

“For now.” Sienna smirked.

Their conversation was cut short by the ring of Sienna’s phone. She glanced at the screen and hesitated before putting her phone away.

“Everything alright?”  

Sienna sadly shook her head. 

“That was my ex- boyfriend. He’s a drug addict. We were supposed to go to med school together but his addiction got so bad that he wasn’t able to take any tests and got expelled. I tried so hard to help him but he refused to go to rehab or even NA meetings.” Her eyes glistened with tears.  

 “I couldn’t take it anymore so I had to break up with him. But now, he keeps calling me to tell me that he’s finally in rehab and he wants to get back together but I can’t do it again, Liv. I just can’t.”

She breaks down crying as Olivia envelops her in a hug.

“It’s alright, Si. You don’t have to. You’re allowed to focus on yourself now. He has other people to lean on.”

“You’re right.” She grabs her phone and blocks the number. 

“I have Grey’s Anatomy cued up. Do you want to watch?” Sienna asks with a small smile on her face. 

“You bet.”

“Si, it says it’s the sponsor.” Olivia called out. 

Sienna answered the phone, a curious expression on her face. She returned a minute later. 

“It was his sponsor telling me he just had a relapse. I told her that we had broken up and gave her his sister’s number. It was the best I could do.”

“You did great, Si. I was going to watch Grey’s Anatomy. Do you want to join me?” Olivia asked with a smile on her face.  

Sienna’s face lit up with a laugh and she nodded resolutely.

***

The next morning, they had all gathered on the cool, grassy lawn to study for their first big test. 

They quizzed each other from question banks and flashcards that Jackie and Aurora had procured from second year students using a little intimidation.

“This would be easier with some tequila”, Jackie said.

“I think we had enough of that yesterday night.” Olivia said, giving Bryce a pointed look. 

“Alright, symptoms of appendicitis?” Aurora questioned.

“Sudden pain in the right side of the lower abdomen, nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite,constipation or diarrhoea and abdominal bloating.” Ethan listed them in rapid succession. 

“Also, a low grade fever that may worsen as the illness progresses.” Olivia said. 

Ethan shook his head with a small smile as she smirked at him.

As Elijah read out another question, Tobias leaned over to Olivia.

“Are you my appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out.” 

Olivia doubled over with laughter. She heard the tail end of Sienna’s answer to Elijah’s question about tachycardia. 

“That was funny but I think I can do better.”

“Blood is red, cyanosis is blue, I get tachycardia when I think of you.” Olivia said. 

“Oh that was pretty good, Liv but get this- What do you and a febrile patient have in common? You’re both hot.” Bryce said.

The morning passed as they laughed together, trying out pick-up lines on each other. Tobias offered to pick up lunch for everyone and dragged Ethan along with him to the taco truck across the street from the quad.

They laughed, talked and occasionally studied till evening rolled around. They hadn’t gotten much done for the test so Sienna suggested that they pair up to quiz each other.

She decided that the pairs were going to be Bryce and Aurora, Jackie and Tobias, herself and Elijah and… Olivia and Ethan. 

As they moved to join their counterparts, Sienna threw Olivia a wink over her shoulder which she repaid with a grateful smile.

A semblance of privacy gave Ethan and Olivia the chance to talk.

“So, Sienna knows about us?” Ethan questioned.

Olivia winced. “I’m sorry. I had your handkerchief and she figured it out.”

“For once, I really don’t seem to mind.” Ethan said with a small smile. “Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for those ridiculous pick-up lines they were using on you.”

“Seems like that really bothered you…” Olivia said with the ghost of a smile on her face.

“Uh…only because they were ridiculous.” He said with a flustered expression. 

“Oh, I’m sure.” She laughed.

“Can we get back to studying, please?” He said as he cleared his throat.

A while later, Tobias approached Olivia and Ethan. 

“Can I join you guys? Jackie asked me very kindly to fuck off because I was talking too much.” 

Olivia and Ethan burst out laughing before nodding and making some space for him.

As they were getting back to their studying, Tobias’ expression turned serious. 

“Liv, can we talk?”

Chapter 4: Dear John

[hunnyuwu]

Connected // Pt.1 || NCT 127

Summary: Humanity has reduced down to a dystopian wasteland. Women disappear daily, civilians now rely on physical modifications and nodes to feel alive, and the concept of civilization is a far cry from their current state. While the one who reigns supreme is the puppeteer of societal affairs, will a small group of men be able to regain the humanity they once held so dearly when they were young? Or were the doomed for an eternal state of dreary, impoverished slums?

Genre: dystopian, cyberpunk, futuristic, angst, romance

WC: 2k

~ ~ ~

Part I : 008

"How are you feeling, 008?"

A small woman regained her consciousness as she was shaken from her delusional state. She always hated these examinations.

"I'm fine." She stated, wanting to do nothing more than pull the dumb wires and circuits out of her sore limbs. She waited patiently as the examiner in all white, wrote down a few bullet points on a small clipboard.

"You are done for the day, 008. Except, for visiting the girls and the head master, of course. Who will you visit first?"

The examiner assisted the girl with long, wavy black locks out of the machine's system, pulling out about a hundred thick and thin wires that were attached to separate areas of her small frame. The girl became impatient as the process was taking too long.

"I'll visit the girls first, then visit the head master. Thank you for your assistance, 375." 008 started ripping cords out, even if they did sting like no tomorrow, but she was finally free of her mechanical restraints, so that was a win in her book.

"Before you go, 008. I have a question for you."

008 started walking out of the room, but halted when 375 piqued her attention.

"What is it?"

"How have you lasted... here so long? When the others haven't?"

008 thought for a second before a simple little smirk grazed her lips, an odd sight to say the least.

"I think that is a question I will have to answer another day. See you tomorrow, 375." 008 gave a little bow to her companion, leaving the examination facility hastily. She always hated that place. Her 'skin' crawled every time she heard the place even mentioned, never forgetting her first experience in that wretched room.

"How are you, trainees?"

008 entered a large room within a smaller, pristine white building a little further away from the main compound. Why did everything have to be so white? It almost made her sick at the bleakness of it all.

"Good!" The girls all replied, turning their attention to the respected woman on the grounds. They all looked up to her, not only was she a top tier, but she has also maintained her position for years, a feat that only belonged to her. It's not like they wanted to be there, but if they wanted to hang onto a sliver of their lives, they might as well do what they do with dignity.

"What has been the progress for today? Any new recruits among you?" 008 stated sharply, picking up a pile of clean cut white papers, quickly grazing through reports of treatments, part changes, the usual business.

"Today, we have started weapons training, starting with the pulverizers."

008 quickly cut off the lead trainer of the recruits, her eyebrow quirking into a confused frown, "You started with the pulverizers? And how is that working out?" She stated lowly, a threatening growl laced through her simple question.

The trainer visibly gulped, nervous by 008's unrelenting strictness, "It's been..." She trailed off, her body freezing under 008's glare. There was no point in even continuing her report as 008 already knew the answer.

"We start with every day objects, 489. If these ladies can't defend or attack with the bare minimum, then there is no chance of survival for them outside of the barriers. In our world, high tech gadgets are nice, but sometimes there's no time for that. Now, get back to work. I know I've taught you better than this, 489."

489 nervously bowed to 008. Her cold, militarism attitude left her shuddering every time they interacted. She nonetheless had nothing but respect for 008, if you didn't respect her, she would make you do so.

"Good, I'll be leaving. I would like to hear better news tomorrow. Have a productive training, Ladies." 008 ducked, a ton of 'thank you's' and 'yes ma'am's' rung from around the room. 008 went to her next destination within the heart of the main complex. She knocked on a large golden door, a soft 'come in' allowed her to enter the large, gadget laced office.

008 came face to face with the back of a sleek, high-tech office chair, only allowing her to see the top of the head master’s balding scalp.

"Hello, Head Master. I have gone through my examinations and the check in with the girls. Was there something else you would like me to complete today?" She stated softly, her hands instinctively tucked in front of her torso as a courteous way of addressing him. His chair slowly spun around so that she could see the man that she has known for far too long now. The man she wanted to bury into the soil of the earth herself. That day would have to wait.

"Hello to you too, Dear. Please have a seat. You have had a long day." He purred, gesturing to the mini couch in front of his extravagant desk. 008 tucked her bottom lip under her teeth, complying to his wishes. She gently and gracefully took a seat in front of him, sitting exactly like she was taught so long ago.

He simply examined her physique as she stared at the ground. One of the most basic rules of interacting with the Head Master was to never look at him unless asked to do so.

"So, tell me. How have I been dealing with the resistance?"

"Is that something you would like my opinion on, Sir?" 008 stated gently as her back stiffened. He always asked her questions like these that she was afraid he was going to kill her for one of these days. It was only a matter of time she stepped out of line.

"I have always trusted your opinion, Dasom. That is why you have served me for so many years now."

008 gulped, hearing her name being spoken by the Head Master. A name he only allowed himself to call her. Was it endearment? Did he want to feel special to her? Was she particularly special to him? Yes, yes, and yes. She didn't know what his obsession was with her, but whenever he reminded her of her sheer withstanding permanence within the force, it made her heart drop to the floor. When would he finally pull the plug out of her?

She hummed, pondering his serious question, carefully plucking and choosing the precise words she would present to him, "Well, as you have heard, the resistance becomes larger and stronger, slowly but surely. I believe that you have deployed more units recently, Sir?"

He nodded, concentrating on every word she said, "Well, I believe that the increased influx of violence and push back is causing the resistance to attract more attention and following. I think it would benefit with you if you would not deploy more units, but instead, spy on their movements, waiting for the perfect moment to exterminate those who are discovered. They all have one another's backs, Sir, so spying on them would be beneficial to you." She sighed silently after spewing her thoughts. She always regretted giving him her strategic thoughts, she was simply too intelligent. While it helped her live this long, it also came with a great price.

He gave her an endearing smile, folding his aged hands down onto the table.

"Why won't you let me designate you as the tactician, Dasom?"

Dasom forced a smile, gritting her perfectly shaped teeth. She received this offer so long ago, but politely declined ever time, even though he continued to persist with the offer thereafter. She was lucky enough that he gave her a choice to begin with; others never, ever get choices around here.

"That position is above me, Sir. I am very grateful to continue assisting the new recruits through their training."

"Do you intend on betraying me, Dasom?" He said wistfully, walking over to the fully-glass wall that gave a perfect view of the whole city. The neon lights permanently illuminating his enormous accommodation on the highest floor of his personal skyscraper.

Dasom sucked air through her nose, eyes shooting wide. She didn't dare look over at him, not even with his back facing her.

"Never, Sir. I intend on staying loyal to you until the end of time."

"I've never trusted anyone as long as I have with you, and here you are, still beside me. You will continue to follow me until my empire crashes and burns, won't you Dasom?" He cooed, every word dripping with honey, but in actuality, was a constant threat that he inflicted on everyone who worked beneath him.

Dasom felt fear course her body for once, a feeling that she rarely felt. The Head Master simply trusted her too much in such an untrusting, back-stabbing world.

Dasom must survive at any cost.

"Yes, Sir. I will follow you until the very end of time itself."

~~~

"The streets are too quiet today."

"You didn't have to state something so obvious. Stop wasting your breath, Mark."

"Damn, okay then."

The shorter of the two mimicked the older by scrunching up her face and quietly restating what the other said. The two bickered for a little while, scoping their district from the top of a skyscraper with cameras and binoculars.

"Why do you think Taeyong has been so uptight lately?" The younger, Mark, lazily asked while bringing his binoculars up to his eyes, scanning the other side of the block.

"I'm not sure, but I sure as hell wouldn't ask him whatever you do. You know how he is whenever he is upset about something."

"Which is always."

The older gave a strict glare at Mark, but he payed no mind to it. The two were like brothers, but they could barely acted like it anymore; everything was becoming so tense so fast nowadays.

"Ah, he texted us to come back. Ready to go, Johnny?"

"Yep, lemme quickly pack up my shit real fast."

The two headed back to their underground compound, disguised as a zap shop above them. (will be explained later)

"S'up boys."

Mark said while throwing up an awkward peace sign, gaining the attention of a few who were doing various tasks within their underground mole hole. None of them gave a response.

"Oooookay then." Mark puckered his lips into a pout, going to the kitchen to look through their little to nonexistent food supply. They were become flesh and bone fast, so they were going to have to make a supply run soon.

"The streets are clear tonight." Johnny reported to Taeyong, who was going through some documents on his small table in the corner. He didn't believe in private offices, so they had one large common area where most of them did their work.

"Intriguing..." Taeyong muttered to himself, setting down a file that he had been going over and over. He ran a hand through his silver hair, biting his lip as he ushered Johnny to leave him alone.

"Taeyong, I have a letter for you."

Jungwoo happily walked over to the tired male, making said man always wonder how the younger could be so happy during such miserable circumstances they lived in.

"Thank you, Jungwoo." He sent him off before opening the small envelope.

“Who sends physical mail in this day and age?” Tarting whispered as he smoothed out the creases of the paper.

I miss you. I miss you to the point that I wish I could simply forget what you did to me. The hell that you couldn't even bother to save me from. But it's fine; it is easy to live and forget, right?

Love you to the end of time,

BD

No, no it couldn’t be.

Taeyong threw the letter, hands quivering as he rolled his chair as far away from his desk as possible. The members in the common area were startled by Taeyong’s harsh reaction, jumping up in their spots respectively.

Taeyong shot up from his chair, body pin straight as he sneered down at the clean piece of paper limply sitting over his laptop keyboard. Emotions that he hadn’t felt in awhile flooded his system like a tidal wave and he didn’t know how to digest it at all.

He took one look at his members before bolting out of their grounds.

Doyoung was the first to react, cautiously walking over to the slip of paper that had their leader shaken up to the point that he literally left their site.

“What did Taeyong do?” Doyoung whispered to himself, feeling strangely upset by the letter of someone who he didn’t even know.

“And more importantly, who’s BD?”

~ ~ ~

Prologue || Part I || Part II

[schraubd]

(How) Do White Jews Uphold White Supremacy? (Part II)

In my post this morning, I explained how -- given the understanding of "White supremacy" and "upholding" that Tamika Mallory was using -- it is perfectly coherent to state, as Mallory did, that White Jews may "uphold White supremacy" even while we are (as Mallory also acknowledged) targeted by White supremacy. I argued that -- putting aside Mallory's own checkered history on the subject -- much of the present controversy was terminological in nature and that while such a semantic debate isn't unimportant, it is a far cry from the sort of overheated rhetoric whereby Mallory was accusing Jews of being tantamount to Klansmen. In America, pale-skinned Jews of proximate European descent receive many (not all) of the day-to-day advantages of Whiteness. Insofar as White supremacy is understood more as a social condition than a social movement -- the state of affairs whereby White persons are systematically advantaged, not the cluster of individuals and organizations consciously and overtly ideologically committed to promoting the explicit ideal that Whites are superior -- it is fair to say (and almost unquestionably true) that White Jews who look like me are net beneficiaries of that system, and may well act in ways that (implicitly or explicitly) reenact or perpetuate that advantageous state of affairs. This doesn't mean we don't also face antisemitism (any more than White women don't also face misogyny), and it is also wholly compatible with hating and being hated by groups like the Klan. And if you think the above paragraphs are reasonable, but blanch at labeling them "White supremacy", then the debate you're having is -- again -- primarily one of semantics, not substance. That said, if the purpose of the first post was to work through how it is fair to think of White Jews "as Whites" (and thereby implicated in White supremacy), at the end of that post I suggested that there was a more layered and complicated discussion to be had about the relationship between Jews and Whiteness, one that can help explain why so many Jews react so fiercely against the label "White" and which puts important limits on the utility of "White Jews" as a concept. This is a conversation that is short-circuited when people act as if White Jews are not White in any capacity -- a position which, as applied to American Jews with my skin tone, seems wholly at odds with reality. But it is also a conversation that can only occur if it is acknowledged that Whiteness is "of a different color" as applied to Jews -- that the characteristics of Whiteness, including what Jews can "do" with Whiteness, are different than how we might understand Whiteness simpliciter. Start with the question of why many Jews who by all appearances look White seem to so fiercely reject the association. One explanation for this behavior is that it is a rather uninteresting permutation on the practice of many White people to deny the privileges they receive through Whiteness. The retreat to ethnic identity ("I'm not White, I'm Irish") or deracinated individualism ("I'm just a person") are ways to occlude the reality of how Whiteness continues to operate in America. And so, it might be thought, when Jews say "we're not White, we're Jewish", they're simply pulling their own version of that maneuver. Those who are familiar with Whiteness, are familiar with this move, and have long since learned not to take it very seriously. Now sometimes, something like this account might suffice as the explanation for Jews who resist being labeled White -- particularly in cases where there is the most uncompromising insistence that White Jews are completely unassociated with Whiteness in America, that we gain nothing from America's racial bargain. But often, there's more to it than that. As someone who once rode the "I'm not White, I'm Jewish" train (and who tries to remember the I before I changed my mind), I know there's more at work here. One problem with Jews-as-White, which has been raised quite a bit in response to Mallory or anyone else who tries to associate Jews with Whiteness in America, is that Jews have often been oppressed precisely because we haven't been viewed as White. White supremacist violence is an obvious case, the Nazi Holocaust is its apex. Given this history, there is something hurtful and insulting to cavalierly declare that Jews are simply "White". Anyone should understand why statements to the effect of "the Holocaust was White-on-White crime" or "we only care about the Holocaust because the victims were White" provoke an apoplectic reaction in the Jewish community. It is a disgusting erasure, and one that is teed up when Jewish Whiteness is assumed as an uncomplicated truth. It shouldn't surprise, then, that many Jews rebel against being labeled "White" as a means of carving out and preserving space for full recognition of the realities of this persecution. As much as I say a American Jew like me today is functionally White in my day-to-day interactions, that hasn't always been true, it isn't always guaranteed to be true, and it isn't even wholly true right now. To the extent that insisting on Jewish Whiteness denies or diminishes the reality of very real and very live instances of antisemitism, it needs complication. Another problem with Jews-as-White, less discussed but I think potentially more important, is that Jews are sometimes perceived as excessively White. Particularly in the Nation of Islam brand of antisemitism that Mallory has been associated with, Jews are often cast as embodying or exemplifying Whiteness -- the "iciest of the ice people", in Henry Louis Gates, Jr.'s summation. Bootstrapping onto antisemitic tropes of Jewish hyperpower and control, Jews become a convenient and accessible stand-in for Whiteness at its worst -- its most domineering, its most overprivileged, and its most bloodthirsty (this is a problem I explore in detail in my "White Jews: An Intersectional Approach" article). Hence, calls to focus on Jewish Whiteness are sometimes heard as (and sometimes function as) calls to cast a very specific spotlight on Jews as the worst offenders of Whiteness (and look how they try to slither out of responsibility for it!), or as the focal point for an assault on Whiteness and White privilege. What is cast as a general critique of "White supremacy" ends up being a specific, concentrated attack on Jews as its supposedly paradigmatic constituency. Hence, if one reason Jews try to downplay their Whiteness is that the concept of White Jews denies circumstances and scenarios where even pale-skinned Jews are not viewed as White, another reason is that concept of White Jews accentuates tropes and understandings whereby Jews are viewed as the most extreme, blinding iteration of White -- generally via exaggerated notions of Jewish hyperpower and privilege. These can and do very easily slip into their own forms of antisemitism, and so it shouldn't surprise that many Jews view the entire discourse quite warily. These are some reasons why Jews have, I think, an earned skepticism towards Whiteness discourse directed at them, even as I continue to maintain that the concept of Whiteness is fairly and coherently applied to the life trajectory of Jews like me. But I suggested at the outset that I was making a more ambitious claim: not just that we need to be careful when speaking of Jewish Whiteness (lest we stumble into antisemitic tropes of Jewish hyperpower, or erase historical or contemporaneous cases where Jews really aren't being viewed as White), but that Whiteness is different in kind even for those Jews who are (in the American context) raced-as-White. To drill down on this point, let's return to Mallory's original statement. One way of parsing her words -- and how I think many people think of the relationship between Jews and Whiteness -- is something like the following:

White Jews in America are White in all respects save the important fact that White supremacists want to murder them.

I don't mean for that to sound flip -- being the target of violent hatred by a domestic terrorist movement is no small thing! Rather, what characterizes this view is that the Whiteness of White Jews is identical to the Whiteness of any other White person in America save for a discrete and well-demarcated carve-out. Hence, whatever discourse is validly spoken of "Whites", generally, also applies to "White Jews", specifically (save, again, for the highly specific case of "being targeted for murder by White supremacists"). With very limited exceptions, there's nothing about how we talk about Whiteness that isn't applicable or needs alteration in the specifically White Jewish case. But I think this view is wrong. Jews, even as White, are differently situated than other Whites, such that it doesn't always make sense to simply cross-apply a Whiteness frame even onto White Jews. For example, one way it is often said that White people (particularly White women) "uphold White supremacy" is that the majority (or at least a plurality) voted for Donald Trump. To all the White women marching in their pink hats and calling themselves the "resistance", this fact has created a rather compelling demand that they "tend to [their] own garden." As a class, White women are not particularly progressive and not particularly reliable even in the really easy, straightforward case of "don't vote for a naked bigot and unqualified buffoon like Donald Trump." Yet it should be very obvious why it's troublesome to extend this logic to Jews. Jews voted overwhelmingly against Trump in 2016 (and again against Republicans in 2018) -- 70% voting for Clinton overall (and, given typical gender breakdowns in voting behavior, Jewish women almost certainly went against Trump by even wider margins). With the exception of African-American voters, Jews are and have remained one of the most consistently progressive voting blocs in American politics -- voting Democratic at rates equal to or better than women, Latinos, and Asian-Americans. I'm not saying that a Hillary Clinton voter can't be racist, of course. But if voting against Trump is one obligation (perhaps the bare minimum obligation) that any decent person must meet in order to not "uphold White supremacy", then it is fair to say Jews have by and large done our job discharging at least that one duty. That part of our garden looks pretty healthy, all told. So it is fair for White Jews to bristle a little bit when they're lumped in with a broader White demographic which has backed Trump. At least as far as voting behavior, "White Jewish" identity has not, by and large, obstructed White Jews from standing against the avatars of White supremacy. And speaking of tilling your own garden, one common feature of Whiteness discourse is the assertion that White people have a particular obligation to challenge and dismantle racist practices by other Whites. This obligation inheres in part because Whites, as beneficiaries of these practices, have special duties to disgorge any ill-gotten gains, but also because in White supremacist system Whites often are accorded greater power, influence, and credibility enabling them to more effectively disrupt White supremacist practices. Claims or arguments that are made and ignored when raised by people of color are often able to gain consideration when raised by Whites (for example, if you read the arguments in my last post and thought "finally, someone making sense" -- without recognizing that my analysis wasn't really that different from how many Jews of Color had responded to Mallory (see, e.g.) -- (a) thanks for the compliment, and (b) welcome to the problem! So it could be said that White Jews, as Whites, have heightened obligations to publicly challenge and confront White racism, because (for better or worse) we're viewed as "insiders" with greater credibility and pull than non-Whites when making those challenges. But is that actually true of White Jews? I'm skeptical. And, perhaps oddly, my skepticism has been most clearly crystallized through observing the Twitter experience of Sophie Ellman-Golan. Among the many social justice campaigns and priorities of the indefatigable Ellman-Golan, one in particular she often promotes is that need to #ConfrontWhiteWomanhood. It is, as one might expect, a campaign centered around the need for White women to take stock of the ways in which their practices reify White supremacy and other oppressive institutions. And pretty much every time Ellman-Golan tweets under the hashtag #ConfrontWhiteWomahood, she's immediately hit with a torrent of antisemitic abuse of the form "who you calling White, Jew?" It seems (and not just from Ellman-Golan's case) that White Jews who try to confront other White people about racism "from the inside" ... pretty quickly cease to be viewed as insiders. We are in fact presented as the epitome of outside agitators, rabble-rousers, and elitist corrupters. The White Jew who confronts White racism becomes a lot less White, and a lot more Jewish, very quickly. To be sure, I'm not saying its impossible to brush aside an "insider" anti-racism critique made by a White Christian American. But it sure is easier to do it if you can unleash a whole flotilla of "Soros-funded coastal elitist cosmopolitan cultural Marxist corrupting the youth committing White genocide and what about Israel!" antisemitic tropes at the drop of a hat. As it a result, Jews seem particularly poorly situated to engage in these sort of confrontations. Not just because we're at heightened risk of explicitly violent retaliation (though there is that), but because our White-insider status doesn't extend that far: Jews who challenge Whites, aren't recognized as White. Consequently, if White Jews are not or are not successfully "confronting Whiteness", it might not be because we're indifferent to the project or half-assing it. It might be because even White Jews don't have full access to certain features of Whiteness; we are not White in the same way that other Whites are. And while I don't have direct evidence to support this, my strong suspicion is that if and when White identity becomes a more explicitly marked and salient feature of American discourse (whether via progressive efforts to remove it from an unmarked default and "confront" it, or by reactionary programs to reinvigorate avowed White identity politics), the perception of Jewish Whiteness will become considerably more tenuous. In sum: clearly it is the case that White Jews in America are White in important respects -- including benefiting from many elements of White privilege and at least sometimes acting to maintain and buttress that advantaged status. At the same time, the frame of Whiteness is not one that can be plopped down on the heads of even White Jews uncritically or without alteration. For one, Whiteness discourse often genuinely does erase important facets of Jewish experience where we aren't deemed White. For two, Whiteness discourse, as applied to Jews, can act as an accelerant for antisemitic tropes insofar as Jews are cast not just as White but as hyper-White -- the epitome or apex of Whiteness via privilege, power, and domination. Finally, White Jews simply do not experience Whiteness in the same way as do other Whites. If race is, in Sara Ahmed's words, "a question of what is within reach, what is available to perceive and to do ‘things’ with", then Jews simply are able to "do" less with Whiteness. We don't have the same capacities to "challenge from the inside", our position as White is too precarious -- and the allure of antisemitic dismissal too powerful -- to allow it. What's necessary, then, is an analysis of White Jews as a specific case, one that isn't fully known even to those who are well-versed in the contours of "Whiteness" generally. A proper situating of Jews into Whiteness will not deny obvious realities about the racial positioning of Jews who look like me in America. But neither will it easily slide into the default modes of understanding of Whiteness, or assume that Jews like me are "simply" White save for a few piercing but ultimately idiosyncratic exceptions emanating from White supremacists. The fact is, a lot of people like to talk about Jews without really knowing about Jews. And they're often buttressed by interpretive frames -- Whiteness very much included -- which purport to fill in those epistemic gaps for "free", without needing any specific knowledge about Jews. But knowing Whiteness doesn't mean you know Jews -- even White Jews. And consequently, if the hostile response by many Jews to being labeled "White" rings familiar to many experts on Whiteness, that familiarity is likely a deception. It seduces us into thinking that we already know what needs to be known about White Jews -- that we can draw on the same explanations, that we can identify the same behaviors, and that we can demand the same duties, without putting in any additional specific work. The virtue of Mallory's statement is that it recognizes both that Jews can back and benefit from White supremacy and also be targeted and hurt by it -- an assertion that, in broad strokes at least, is clearly correct. Zoom in and there is a lot more work that needs to be done: first and foremost, the work of recognizing that there is a lot of work left to be done -- groundwork, foundational work where it accepted that most of us do not yet know what we need to know about the contours of antisemitism and Jewish experience. If you enjoyed these two posts, you might find interesting my essay "White Jews: An Intersectional Approach", forthcoming in the Association for Jewish Studies (AJS) Review. via The Debate Link http://bit.ly/2TbfocI

[stardyng]

salty ask list- asoiaf 1-15

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?* 

Jon x Ygritte (ASOIAF): I think that finds this relationship rather uninteresting in the books. I felt like the show improved it, but in the books, I couldn’t enjoy it that much due to how much Ygritte would say ‘’You know nothing Jon Snow’’, and how she blackmailed him into sex. I don’t hate it, I just don’t care for it. 

Jon x Daenerys (GOT): Before watching the 7th season, I was perfectly open to the idea of a romance between these two characters, but in the show itself, it was a whole ass mess. It was barely developed, and the show-writers needed other characters to point out that they were into each other for me and a lot of other viewers to get that it was supposed to be something romantic because of how half-assed every one of their supposedly romantic interactions were. In the books, I do think that it would be executed much better than it was in the show. The pairing itself doesn’t bother me though, just it’s execution. 

Tormund x Brienne (GOT): I do understand the appeal in this relationship, especially in terms of the humor related to it, but I just can’t stand behind it, and it’s not just because I’m a rather fervent Braime shipper. I just find it a bit uncomfortable how he constantly tries to flirt with her when she shows clear signs that she isn’t the least interested in him. 

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?*

Gendry x Arya (ASOIAF/GOT): In my opinion, they act like siblings with each other, but ask any other GOT/ASOIAF fans, and they are soulmates. I’ll be fine if it happens, but I never got anything besides platonic vibes from them.

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

Jonerys (GOT): I’m fine with Jonerys and Daenerys stans appearing in my dash, but the person I was following posted so much Jonerys that it literally flooded by dashboard. It was just too much content for a ship I really don’t care for. 

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?*

Sandor x Sansa (ASOIAF/GOT): He’s almost twice her age, he constantly belittles and torments her, he is sexually attracted to her despite her being an 11-12 year old, he threatens to kill her numerous times, he gets in her space often and even grabs her multiple time without her consent. I don’t really enjoy their interactions because in most of them, he has to degrade her, and I’m rather tired of it. 

Petyr x Sansa (ASOIAF/GOT): I love their interactions together (especially these where he isn’t flirting with her) because you can tell that he respects her opinion and her abililities/intelligence, and that he really is making her aware of multiple of her skills, however, it’s still awful especially if we’re talking romantically. He’s as old as her mother, he kisses her without her consent often, and just everything he does in regards to her is absolutely creepy. Just the fact that he started the war that led to half of her family members dying should be enough for there to be not be people rallying for this relationship. 

Ramsey x Sansa (GOT): I don’t need to say anything but re-watch season 5 if you ship this. 

Ramsey x Theon (ASOIAF): Re-watch season 3-5 and read Reek ADWD chapters you twisted fuckers. 

Drogo x Daenerys (ASOIAF/GOT): Let’s start this by saying that Drogo raped Daenerys in both the book and show. In the show, it was in their first night together whereas in the books, she was droven to tears because of his constant assault of her body. I really don’t like how the writers turned that into some kind of romantic relationship that we are supposed to root for. It’s really not. Drogo himself is terrible. He pillages villages, which leads to hundreds of men and children being killed and women being raped and enslaved. I really don’t understand how people could be cheering at something like this or why the writers thought it was a good idea to present it in a positive manner. 

Jorah x Daenerys (ASOIAF/GOT): He’s another grown adult romantically and sexually attracted to a child. People feel bad for him because he’s friendzoned but due they realize that this dude fell in love with her when she was a child. And that’s not even addressing the fact that he is an ex-slaver and just such as awfully boring character. 

Rhaegar x Lyanna (ASOIAF/GOT): Rhaegar is a piece of shit who had a wife that he just left to go run away with a 16 year old girl just because he cared about some prophecy. How low can you get? And don’t think Lyanna is any less terrible when she knew what she was doing as well. It doesn’t help that them running away together was inconsiderate to literally everyone in their lives, and that happening was the first step to a rather massive war. How many people had to die because of their selfishness? And some people just blindly ship it too. Elia Martell deserved better. 

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*

Tyrion x Sansa (ASOIAF/GOT): I actually liked the idea of Tyrion and Sansa being together after watching the show for the first time. The only thing I didn’t like about it was the age difference, which I now see as enough of a problem. However, I rather liked that pairing, and then I went online excited to see people talk about it, and found out that the reason a lot of people want them together was to punish Sansa for wanting to be someone she finds attractive and apparently not appreciating Tyrion enough. All of that is bullshit especially when Tyrion expects to be with someone conventionally attractive as well and how he molested her and is bitter because she didn’t want to have sex with him. He doens’t deserve an award for not raping her. The books in general definitely made sure that I became anti sanryion due to how awful he could be to her sometimes. 

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?*

Jon x Sansa (ASOIAF/GOT): I didn’t really hate the idea of JonSa so much as it was apprehensive about it due to the fact that it is incest. I don’t exactly ship it but I am open to the idea of them happening because of the Jonsas I came across. It’s the only major Sansa pairing that doesn’t force Sansa in a relationship with an adult man who treated her horribly. I don’t know how to explain it but the existence of JonSa led to a wave of new Sansa fans who not only defend her character and appreciate parts of her that a lot of the fandom didn’t, but just generally treats her character with respect. It also helps that they have fantastic meta, and often discuss theories that I am fond of like DarkDany (and to a lesser extent, Political!Jon)

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?*

Arya Stark (GOT): I really enjoyed Arya’s character in the first few season of the show when I was first watching. Even after I went through her Braavos storyline, she was in my five favourite game of thrones characters. However that changed with season 7. I didn’t like how she was obsessed with revenge to the point of cooking people into pies, her constant shaming of Sansa for liking nice things, how she immediately wanted to kill the lords of the north just because they didn’t like their new leader, how she threatened to kill Sansa and how hypocritical she was being about Sansa being the hostage of the Lannisters when she served as cupholder to Tywin. I also didn’t like the way the actress was portraying her character this season, it seemed really off. I hope for a better season 8 for her, but I doubt I’ll forgive her for all that she said and did this season. Book Arya is such a better character, especially because they let her be a much more emotionally vulnerable and human. If you want an elaboration of this, I made a post about it. 

Tyrion Lannister (ASOIAF): I don’t exactly hate Tyrion, but the books made my opinion of his character change. Because of them, I started to realize that ShowTyrion stopped having a character arc after season 4, and only exists as pure comic relief at this point, whereas in the books, I really don’t enjoy the way he mistreats the women in his life, and a lot of the other horrible stuff he is doing. As a character, I’m rather fond of him because his arc is rather brilliantly written, but he’s a really awful person and not a lot of fans are willing to admit it. 

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?*

Daenerys Targaryen (GOT): It’s not a surprise that Daenerys fans wouldn’t enjoy my constant support of the DarkDany theory, which has to be my favorite theory in this series. I just love all of the things it implies thematically and narratively. It makes Dany much more of a better character, and really makes it evident that all the horrible things she did in the past few season are considered to be bad things by the narrative, and existed to build her up to when she went to the point of no return and aren’t just actions we were supposed to hail her for. 

Arya Stark (GOT): My negative opinion on Arya in Season 7 had led to a few anons who needed to remind me that Sansa betrayed the Stark family, that she isn’t in the key 5, that Arya has more chapters than her among other petty things. 

Sandor x Sansa (ASOIAF): Some people don’t like when I point out that this ship is problematic on so many levels. 

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Lyanna Mormont (GOT): I actually made a post explaining why I don’t like her.

Maester Pycelle (GOT): I know he does a lot of horrible stuff but I just hate him for the crime of talking so damn slowly. 

Victorian Greyjoy (ASOIAF): I don’t usually dislike characters the narrative tells me to dislike, but I can’t stand this dude. He killed his wife because his brother raped her. He murdered tons of prostitutes, manages to find new and innovative ways to be idiotic, and is just incredibly misogynistic.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

Samwell Tarly (ASOIAF): I don’t really enjoy the wall storyline in the first place, and I’m even less so interested in Sam’s character and his development. I just don’t find anything interesting in his character or his arc. Everyone else has some appeal to their arc, but he just doesn’t have anything going for him in my opinion.   

Arya Stark (ACOK): I enjoy a lot of Arya chapters in other books, but I have never read anything as tedious and boring as her 10 chapters in A Clash of Kings. That’s just way too many chapters for an arc where nothing of interest happens. Her entire supporting cast is not the least bit interesting unlike literally every other POV character. I understand the themes the author was diving into, but they were done in a much more poignant manner with Brienne in AFFC. Her character was good in that book, but I just didn’t myself entertained by what I was reading.  

Jon Snow (ACOK/ASOS): Jon’s story in A Dance With Dragons remains to be one of my favorite parts of the entire story, but I didn’t expect it to be because of how much I didn’t enjoy the happenings at The Wall in the books preceding it. I just don’t find him wandering beyond the wall that interesting, nor do I find his whole infiltrating in Mance Rayder’s camp shenanigan entertaining. I don’t care that much about the white walkers, or the wildlings of the night’s watch in genera. I was honestly surprised at how GRRM was able to take all of these things that I didn’t like and make a fantastic story arc that was revolved around it in ADWD. 

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Harrold Hardying (ASOIAF): I absolutely adore Harry The Heir and his dynamic with Sansa, but everyone else seems to use him as a prop in their fanfiction for their favorite ship. I just enjoy seeing this confident jerk be thrown off guard by Sansa, and constantly left embarassed and bewildered by her. He laughs at her jokes, he calls her beautiful without being creepy about it, he compliments her intelligence, like yeah he blundered in the beginning, but he shown more respect to Sansa in that one scene then Tyrion/Sandor even did in all of their interactions combined. 

Melisandre Of Asshai (ASOIAF/GOT): It’s hard to find people who are a fan of her character in the books and even more so in the show. Her entire character and how she was built up to be the way she is (and why she does everything she does) is so fascinating but people are quick to dismiss her which is a bit sad to me. 

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Daenerys Targaryen (ADWD): I have never hid the fact that I love Daenery and her arc in the books, but it wasn’t until ADWD that I came to that realization. I always love these storylines where someone in power is left to make decisions where there are no clear right and wrong and it’s their upbringing and morality that affect how they make their decision, and we get to see how their own principles start affecting an entire population, and how that population reacts to these changes. Daenerys ADWD does just that and rather perfectly. Not only that but it really explores every side of her character, and we see try desperately to find somewhere where she can belong in her efforts of planting trees and making a home, but with all that happens through out the book, she eventually ends up abandoning that ideal and the reasons why she wanted to stay, be a child, and live her life in Essos, in order to embrace her identity as a Targaryen and her other wish which is it to bring fire and blood to Westoros. 

Brienne Of Tarth (AFFC): Can I just say what a fantastic arc this is? There are definitely a lot of people who would agree with me but there are even more who hate AFFC, and a major part of it is Brienne’s chapters in that book. I found them extremely entertaining. We get to understand her character and her backstory through out the chapters, GRRM continues to dive in the theme of what is a ‘’true knight’’, we get to see how this kind of society especially in times of war affect the peasants, and a variety of fascinating and interesting characters from the Riverlands. I know I only dived into the surface of why it is so good, but with moments like ‘’No chance and no choice.’’ and the broken men monologue, I don’t think I need to justify it’s greatness when it already does it well enough itself. 

Theon Greyjoy (ACOK): Everyone and their mother appreciates Theon’s ADWD arc and for good reason, but far less tend to enjoy his character or his arc in this book which make sense, but I really like it. It’s his whole internal fight about his identity and where he belongs and his allegiances that I find really fascinating. We get his wish to be a Greyjoy and a Stark at the same time pull him apart and drive him into desperation. I think it’s one of the better examples in the series where a character internal conflict impacted the story in such a grand manner. 

Sansa Stark (AGOT): There are things that are universally hated by a fandom, and Sansa chapters in AGOT are one of them. Read a review of the first book, a thread about that book or even ask people who read the books why they don’t like Sansa, and it will become evident that not many people seem to enjoy this part of her journey. Personally, I completely disagree. Not only do I enjoy her character and that book, but I love so much about these chapters. It’s interesting that GRRM used Sansa’s arc in that book as a way to criticize how the medieval society is romanticized, how her upbringings didn’t prepare her for the things she faces in this book, how we see her naivety and innocence slowly crack in this book, how she has a constant internal struggle about how she views life and people and her allegiances, how there’s different layers you can peel off from this part of her story, and how it ends with one of my favorite lines in the story being ‘’Sansa was a good girl and always remembered her courtesies.’’, and while she had made many mistakes because of the way that she was brought up, she uses parts of what she learnt in the past(her courtesies) to survive in the books following this one. 

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

Jon Snow (GOT): I actually adore Jon in the books, whereas in the show, while he doesn’t offend me, I honestly find him a bit boring. For me, he’s like the generic adult high fantasy male protagonist, and doesn’t set himself apart like everyone else. In a story where we see characters who either deconstruct these typical tropes from these stories, challenge them or even come from tropes that aren’t quite explored in them, he just exists as a trope I have seen a thousand other times. They removed everything that made him an actually compelling and complex characters in my opinion. 

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

Jonsa Fans: I feel like people are very quick to degrade that part of the fandom and whatever theory they hold which is I find to be a bother since there’s so many amazing theories and metas that were created by Jonsa’s that people don’t want to take seriously because it comes from them. Plus, Jonsa’s go in detail about why they believe that XXX thing will happen, and I feel like they in general but also their opinions should be given the respect they deserve. 

Rhaegar/Lyanna: They are both terrible people whose action led to so many death yet everyone just casually accepts it and it’s a bit frustrating. Like okay yes he didn’t rape or kidnap her, but that doesn’t erase all the other terrible things that he has done. And yes she is 16 years old, but that’s not an excuse to be that inconsiderate about everyone in your life and pull this kind of bullshit. 

15. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

A Feast For Crows: While this is the least popular book in the series, it remains to be my favorite. A Feast For Crows is the thematic high point of the series. Every arc in that book is extremely well-written, and develops it’s core characters to an extent not seen in the series before. Cersei’s arc was the best take on ruling from the books in my perspective. Jaime’s character arc is fantastically put out. The themes of “true knights” and “broken men” are probably some of the best developed ones in Brienne’s Arc. Arya’s and Sansa’s training are not only showcase a clear growth but portrays a streamlined clear version of the development in terms of their capabilities. The Iron Islands and Dorne were also stellar, and have very satisfying peaks (Kingsmoot, Princess In The Tower). It’s definitely a slower book, as it gives a much more introspective outlook into the world, it’s themes and it’s characters.   

A Game Of Thrones: It’s the best book for none of the POVs (besides Ned for obvious reasons). It’s sets up the story rather nicely, but every other book has story lines that are way more interesting. 

Season 3: After Season 5 and 7, this has to be the worst season of the show.  Sansa’s storyline basically consists of ‘’OMG SHE LIKES LORAS THAT IS SO FUNNY BECAUSE HE’S GAY’’ and nonsense that D&D seem to love, for the entirety of the season. Theon getting tortured for an entire season was just ridiculous and overdone if I want to be honest. Arya, Tyrion, Jon and Bran barely do anything as well. The story moves at a ridiculously slow pace, and the only memorable storyline is Jaime’s (and The Red Wedding). You could try to fight me on this but it’s true. 

[albionjake]

Goodbye Big Brother: The Show That Changed Television and My Life

You’ve probably read this title and thought ‘Christ, he really likes Big Brother too much’ and you’d be correct. I definitely do. There’s no denying that. But I would add that you probably think Big Brother is just a trashy, meaningless reality show and I’m afraid to tell you that you’re wrong about that. You have probably come to that conclusion as a result of extreme reality saturation. Reality as a genre is now almost exclusively easy to watch trash that washes over you and you forget about a few days later. Big Brother is entirely responsible for all of it existing but I don’t believe it should be judged the same way as its spawn. BB is the original and it should be treated with respect (yes Channel 5, I’m talking to you). At one time in the UK, Big Brother was the biggest show on television. It was on the front pages of national newspapers and magazines. Housemates became household names. It was watched by four times the amount of people that watched the Love Island final this July. It changed the way TV was made. Before Big Brother, we didn’t have shows where the public called up and voted people off. It wasn’t a thing. Big Brother is the original reality show. The greatest of all time. A show with so many iconic scenes and characters, no other reality can even come close. Try arguing a case against a show that gave you Nasty Nick’s confrontation, Helen and Paul’s romance, Jade Goody’s verruca meltdown, Fight Night, Michelle and Chicken Stu under the table, Kinga and her bottle, Nikki Grahame’s diary room rants. If we go over to CBB, it gave you George Galloway being a cat, “Yeah, Jackie”, Tiffany Pollard believing David Gest had died in the house. No other show could produce moments like this.  So why is it being cancelled at the end of this series? Well, nobody is watching it anymore. Has the show changed? Yes, a bit. But not really. The basic premise has always been there for 19 series. What’s changed a lot more is society. We are a very different country to what we were in the year 2000. People have much shorter attention spans and have come to expect shows to be heavily produced and edited. Big Brother is still essentially the same show it always was but it has changed and I’m going to tell you how while also hopefully reminding you why the show is so incredibly important and why it’s an absolute travesty that it’s been thrown on the scrap heap without anyone caring. Series 1 began on the 18th of July 2000. Ten people went into a house, and the first few weeks bubbled away without much fuss, viewers were steadily increasing as people became interested in loud and confrontational characters like Caroline and Nicola and a burgeoning romance between Andy and Mel. We could spy on people living their lives. After years of having to covertly peak through the net curtains or put a glass to the wall to spy on the neighbours, we could do it openly in our homes and then get rid of anyone that was annoying us by calling up and voting them out. The show didn’t take long to become a national talking point. After 35 days, Nick Bateman was ejected from the house for cheating. For weeks leading up, he had been secretly writing names on pieces of paper and showing them to other housemates in an attempt to sway their nominations. The public had also watched him make up stories about things like his wife dying in a car accident and he’d become the most hated man in Britain. On his final day, the other housemates had confronted him, led by Craig who eventually won the show. Nick was on the front pages, he made the show a massive hit, everyone was talking about it.  The second series was eagerly anticipated and was full of much of the same arguments and controversy. The show was streamed 24 hours a day on E4 and a sister show began called Big Brother’s Little Brother which would lead to the ‘sister show’ becoming a genre of its own and being a staple of pretty much every reality and talent show on TV. Brian Dowling won the second series after being adorable and hilarious for 64 days. His win told me, a gay 13 year old boy, that young, gay men could be accepted for who they are by millions and that was invaluable to me. Big Brother literally changed my life, so forgive me if I get defensive about it. It’s more than a TV show to me. Over 19 years, it has taught me so much about human interaction, about accepting people for who they are and about a whole host of controversial issues. Watching a house full of different adults every year from the age of 12... I can’t even imagine how many things the show taught me. It’s almost certainly shaped a huge part of me and my personality. Week one of the third series brought the first ever nominations twist as the public were asked to nominate two housemates and then the housemates would decided which one to evict. Of the two that were up, the housemates chose to evict Lynne who had actually received the second highest number of the votes. Who had the highest number of votes to leave after one week? Jade Goody. Sort of proves that letting the public vote for anything might have been a huge mistake all along. Jade Goody would later become the biggest star the show has ever produced. Jade’s story is one of the most fascinating stories in British pop culture history and I’m astounded it hasn’t been made into a film. She made the series unmissable and I believe she’s one of the all time greats. BB3 also gave us Allison Hammond who now presents on This Morning along with a load of other stuff and Adele Roberts who hosts the Radio 1 early morning breakfast show. This series was the most crazy yet, with more twists and turns than before and a more volatile mix of housemates.  Following the insanity of BB3, the show tried to get back to basics with its cast and the people chosen were a bit less manic. This was the first huge misstep for BB. It’s a risky format, there’s always a chance that your housemates just aren’t going to work. Always a chance they’ll all pretty much just get on and have a nice life in the house. This is another reason why I love Big Brother. There’s always a risk that it could be a shit series. Sure, producers can intervene and try to spice the show up but, what I’ve learned over the years is, that if it’s a shit series then it just can’t be saved. If those housemates aren’t right then nothing you throw at them is going to fix the problem. BB4 was one of those years, it was perfectly pleasant but entirely uneventful. So Big Brother 5 had to win everyone back. A lot of people had given up on BB4 but the show was still young enough to stir up interest when it came around again the following year. They’d learnt from last year and were telling us that Big Brother was “going evil”. The house was pumped full of loud, opinionated and diverse people. Big Brother was harsher and meaner than ever before. The show was exciting again. The huge argument that is now known as ‘Fight Night’ was one of the show’s landmark moments. Security was sent in to diffuse the situation. The police were called by concerned viewers at home. Housemates were screaming and shouting in each other’s faces. Tension that had been bubbling under the surface for weeks had erupted and it was absolutely amazing to watch. I was watching the live feed on E4 that night and despite mostly only getting to see shots of the garden and hearing the familiar sound of birdsong, the little snippets I was able to see were genuinely thrilling. Big Brother 5 was won by Nadia Almada, the first trans housemate ever. Following Brian’s win a few years earlier, this cemented Big Brother’s important place in the LGBT world. No other show has shown quite as many varied types of queer people in this country. And it doesn’t just show them, it lets an audience get to know them. Nadia didn’t win because she was trans. She won because she had been an incredible housemate. Seeing the leaps and bounds trans rights have made in recent years has been amazing but let’s remember how out of the ordinary it was to see a trans person on mainstream TV in 2004. Not a drag queen like Lily Savage or someone wheeled out on Jerry Springer for a cheap laugh. We got to see a real trans person on mainstream national TV and it can’t be understated how healthy that was for our country and culture. BB was now back on track as BB6 came along and was just as great as BB5 had been, probably better. We had legends like Makosi and Kemal, Craig and Antony’s fascinating friendship and fiery characters like Science, Maxwell, Roberto and Derek to keep the drama going for the whole summer. Kinga and her bottle will probably be the most memorable moment from the series but the whole three months were exceptional. Big Brother 7 was more of the same. Another amazing mix of housemates including Pete, Nikki, Richard, Lea, Aisleyne and Glyn. But BB7 is where things started to take a turn. This series had 22 housemates overall. That is too many housemates. One thing that hardly ever saves a series is throwing in more housemates and BB7 added 8 people across three different twists. Not only that but a very late twist allowing the public to put their favourite evicted housemate back in was the first time BB messed with one of it’s fundamental format points, “Who goes, you decide”. The public had paid to evict Nikki and then she was allowed back in. If that wasn’t bad enough, when she did return she was a lot more knowing, she’d seen how hilarious the public found her tantrums so she was playing up to that and it wasn’t the same. Nikki is one of the greatest housemates of all time but I think letting anyone back in when they’ve been evicted by the public just isn’t right. I would say, though a fantastic series, that BB7 was the beginning of the end for Big Brother as a cultural talking point. The minute they messed with those BB fundamentals, the whole format was up for grabs, they could mess around with anything, the public lose sight of what the show is about when you’re changing the rules all the time. So BB8 came along and was perfectly acceptable. I would argue that it had far too many knowing housemates. Chanelle made several blatant attempts at becoming the new Nikki with some excruciatingly exaggerated tantrums. We had out first ever BB superfan housemate in Brian Belo. We had a weird twist where they only put women in for the first week. Completely pointless. Looking back, there were so many examples of BB losing its way in this series. BB7 had created a small puncture and BB8 was failing to contain the water damage. Then BB9 came along and added several more punctures. I hate Big Brother 9. I think it’s trashy and gross. It’s grubby. The house was full of incredibly unlikeable characters along with some entirely forgettable ones. It was all so crude and unpleasant. There was an incident where Dennis spat in Mohammed’s face and was ejected. There was Alexandra threatening people with her gang friends on the outside. There was Mikey who was vile. Rex who was horrible. Darnell who later appeared in porn with Bex from this series and Billi from BB8. Just grubby and, for me, not what Big Brother should be about. Everyone was crass and loud and fame hungry and dreadful. BB is accused of being that all the time but for 80% of the time, it isn’t. Sadly, this series lived up to critics perceptions and it was awful. I’d say the only good thing BB9 did was give us Lisa Appleton who I am still obsessed with. I could look at pictures of her putting the bins out whilst eating a saveloy all day. After BB9, Big Brother had lost the public. BB9 was the one that stuck a knife in Big Brother’s cultural significance. The show never recovered. Big Brother 10 was a vast improvement but nobody knew because ratings went down by a third. It’s amazing that BB10 was actually on Channel 4. Although I guess ITV keep chucking The Voice and The X Factor on air and nobody cares about those. Telly is weird. BB10 was great, it toned down on the vile people and we had a bunch of genuinely interesting people. It wasn’t as fast paced as the previous 5 series which was actually a relief. The balance was right again but by this point Big Brother was far from the only reality show around. Structured reality was creeping in and BB couldn’t compete with faked storylines. The public’s attention span for watching a bunch of fairly nice people make a few friends, have a few bust ups and a couple of romances just wasn’t there. Society had changed and Big Brother had been left behind. Channel 4 then announced it was cancelling the show. Nobody was particularly surprised. BB11 would be the last series of all time which actually got ratings up slightly. I loved Big Brother 11. Shabby and Caoimhe’s unrequited love storyline was the first we’d seen between two girls. BB superfan Mario being picked at random from a huge group of hopefuls on launch night was great and his task at being BB’s secret mole while having to dress as a mole and wear a sign saying “I am a mole’ showed that BB was back to being silly and fun. There was a talking chest of drawers that gave housemates secret tasks and plenty of really great, imaginative and fun tasks throughout. BB had finally shown what sort of show it could be but, sadly, it was too late. The series’ winner Josie Gibson was one of the best winners BB had and her relationship with the fascinating John James was amazing to watch. To see a handsome, toned, blonde, Australian surfer guy fall for a normal, plus-sized girl from a Bristol farm was something that only Big Brother could give you.  Then we had an underwhelming Ultimate Big Brother which was deservedly won by Ultimate Housemate Brian Dowling and BB was gone. I was sad to see it go but I understood why and looked forward to its inevitable return a few years down the line. But then Channel 5 came knocking and the show was reborn. Now, I’m grateful to C5 for giving the show a second chance and brining us a new era of BB. They took Celebrity Big Brother and ran with it, creating a huge number of iconic telly. Kim Woodburn, Perez Hilton, Gemma Collins and so many more completely insane celebrities have made TV gold on C5′s version of CBB and it has been amazing. But, much as I love CBB, my heart is with Civilian and I’m not sure it has ever been quite right on Channel 5. The moment it first began, things were different. The editing, the music, the way the housemates names would constantly come up like I was watching an episode of TOWIE. Big Brother was finally trying to fit in with the modern crowd of reality shows and it looked like an embarrassing dad trying to hang out with the cool kids. Just be yourself, BB. All the show ever needed to be was itself and things would have been fine, this year’s series has proved that. Unfortunately, the show just became less and less itself and completely lost its way. One thing I will say about C5 is that Emma Willis and Rylan Clark-Neal have been absolutely incredible. They both love Big Brother as much as the fans and it’s so appreciated. After a shaky start with poor old Brian Dowling hosting, Emma took his place and did Davina proud. Of course Davina McCall will always be THE host of Big Brother but Emma has done a perfect job and made the role her own. Rylan has been a brilliant Bit On The Side host. Following Dermot O’Leary and Russell Brand as BB sister show hosts is not an easy task but Rylan has been just as wonderful as both of them. Davina, Dermot, Russell, Emma and Rylan all did amazing jobs hosting BB and BB related shows and I’m thrilled to have been there with them the whole time. Of course, there have been moments of greatness on C5. It’s Big Brother for goodness sake. I enjoyed Aaron winning the first C5 series and being the first winner to be booed when he left. I enjoyed Luke A showing everyone that trans men exist too and becoming the second trans winner. I enjoyed a lot and I never stopped watching. The first three series on C5 sort of passed everyone by, including me really. I watched them and enjoyed them but I wasn’t hugely fussed. Then Big Brother 14 happened and BB lost itself completely. Firstly, Zoe Birkett from Pop Idol was in civilian Big Brother. There had literally been dozens of far less famous people than her in the celebrity version. Due to the success of CBB, C5 were clearly mixing the two together and it was awful. The housemates were now being scouted. We had the same people who were also trying to get on X Factor, The Apprentice, Britain’s Got Talent etc etc. People that just want to be on telly. NOT people who want to be on Big Brother.  One of those people was the odious Helen Wood. One of the most poisonous and vile people ever to step foot in that house. Due to an insanely misjudged opening week task, Helen won a pass to the final. This meant that her bullying and nasty behaviour was left unpunished for weeks. Nobody could nominate her. Decent people were stuck in a house with her and it was genuinely unpleasant to watch. Without the pass, she would have been evicted very quickly but with it she was able to gain popularity with people who found her bullying “entertaining” and she ended up winning the show. It was BB’s lowest point. The next year, the house was full of reality TV rejects again. It was a weird series and BB seemed to be changing the rules all over the place. Twists were thrown in at an alarming rate. Someone was evicted on the first night. Then on Day 18, 4 housemates were evicted and replaced by another 4... essentially starting the series again because the entire house dynamic changed. This was unbelievably alienating for viewers and it went down terribly. It was completely dreadful. Then, as if the series wasn’t enough of a mess, they put Helen Wood back in the house as a guest. Helen spent her time being vile again, to the point where Brian Belo (another guest) escaped after she drove him to tears. Afterwards, Helen ended up having some sort of fight backstage and she’s since been banned from all BB shows and events. Quite right too. Mental that they ever put her back in. BB17 was a slight improvement but it was still full of reality show rejects and still had weird twists like letting Jason evict Lateysha without a public vote. Madness. But the series did feel like BB was finding its way again and I enjoyed it more than I had for a while. Then we had BB18. I really really liked BB18. Unfortunately, the house probably had the most reality rejects it’s ever had. With about half the house having been on Ex On The Beach or Ibiza Weekender. All these crappy cheap reality shows clearly being the easiest place to grab a housemate from. Easier for producers than sitting through thousands of audition tapes, I suppose! Anyway, despite this, the series was pretty great. Going back to the classic two bedrooms created two camps and I absolutely love BB when it feels like there are two camps. We had Rose Cottage and Thorn Cottage and I was fully Team Thorn all the way. Brilliant housemates like Raph, Hannah, Deborah, Chanelle and Isabelle really made the show watchable again and I loved it. It still had a lot of flaws but it was a really enjoyable series and I was so pleased to see so many of Thorn Cottage in the final week. Then the wait for BB19 began. It was a longer wait than usual as we all heard rumours than Channel 5 didn’t want BB anymore. Celeb BB ended and then another came around and still there hadn’t been a civilian series. The second CBB had been pretty great and BB fans had high copes that the next civilian would deliver and be what we’ve hoped for for such a long time. Then the news broke on the day of launch night. Channel 5 were cancelling Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother. Big Brother 19 would be the last series ever. The news was upsetting but not surprising, it was only made worse when BB19 started and it was so instantly incredible. The housemates had been chosen properly and they were great, the launch night had so many nods to the old days, the house looked wonderful and the launch night twist introducing Big Coins to the game was amazing. Then we were blessed with so many brilliant and inventive tasks. The show was back doing what it should have been doing the whole time. But AGAIN, it was too late. For the second time, BB had been axed and then decided to pull its socks up and be brilliant. Why does it always have to be too late? I’ve loved this final series. There have been one or two issues towards the end but ultimately it’s been a really brilliant bunch of housemates who I think have been worthy of possibly being the final people to call the Big Brother house home.  So now it’s gone and I can get on with my life. BB does take up a lot of my time when it’s on and I have watched every single series since the year 2000. That’s a lot of time so part of me is glad, I won’t lie. If it comes back though, I’ll be here and I’ll watch it because I’m a FAN. Being a proper fan of Big Brother means you don’t give up when it’s dull or when the producers seem to be losing their minds or when the rest of the country moves on to Love Island. We love Big Brother, not the genre it spawned or the countless, meaningless reality shows that wouldn’t exist without it. People often label me a ‘reality TV fan’ but I’m not. I just love Big Brother, that’s all. It’s the original and it will always be the best. People may say it’s not what it used to be but those people aren’t watching it anymore so I’ve no idea how they could possibly know. The show has always been the same deep down. It’s about watching and connecting with a bunch of strangers for a few months. Loving them, hating them, learning from them, feeling for them and generally being fascinated by the different ways that human beings interact. There are now hundreds of shows like it but none of those shows do it quite like Big Brother does it.  Big Brother is a very special television programme and I love it unashamedly. It’s gone for now but I have a feeling that one day, Big Brother will get back to us.

[cosmiciaria]

Dragon Age Inquisition Review (Spoiler Free!)

I know, I KNOW, DOES ANYBODY STILL TALK ABOUT THIS GAME? *just you* I DON'T CARE!

Maybe now that it was (almost) confirmed that Dragon Age 4 is a thing, people will come back to the older games. I must admit, I jumped completely BLIND into this game: haven't played Origins or II, never knew anything about the story – just so you know, the only thing I knew prior to playing this game was Alistair and the infatuation everyone (men and women) feel for this man. I knew it was an rpg, that you create your own avatar and that you could romance some characters, but that was all. IN FACT my knowledge of this game was so little that I thought Alistair was a main character in this one! Just imagine!

Fortunately, Dragon Age Inquisition is pretty friendly to newcomers: it doesn't overwhelm you with information, it tells a self-contained story and it's conclusive (or… not so much. I'm looking at you, dlc expansions). Of course, that doesn't mean that I haven't scouted throughout the whole internet for all the deets, but that's on me.

So you play as the Inquisitor: a character you create. Male or female, they can be Human, Elf, Dwarf or Qunari. It's worth noting that, whereas it's good to have variety, Bioware failed to deliver good animations for each of the races, due to the fact that dwarves and the Qunari (too short or too tall respectively) are sometimes cropped out of the scenes or their animations just don't match their arms or legs. It's a bit sad, for it could've been a great opportunity, but in the end, it seems the game was created for you to play as a human.

I chose to be what later I realized was the worst thing in all Thedas: a female elven mage. It wasn't until a few hours later that I noticed how much hate mages received! And my elf, being a dalish, a tribe of elves that abandoned those who lived in cities and strived for reviving the old ways, living in forests and such, were despised even by the other elves as well. So I was Inquisitor Lavellan, the worst scum on Earth. Great! Personally I adore mages and they are always my first choice when it comes to character creation. You might guess some of my later decisions in the game based on this.

You're thrown into the game with a weird mark on your left hand. First thing you know, you're a prisoner, and Cassandra and Leliana (two returning characters) are interrogating you in the dungeons, demanding answers. Of course you don't understand a thing they're talking about, until they show what YOU, YOU ABHORRENT CREATURE have created: a huge green breach pierces the sky, opening the way to the Fade, the land of spirits and demons. And you, you ABHORRENT CREATURE must close it, because it was you the one who opened it! You and your mark! You're led by Cassandra, a female warrior and Seeker of Truth, to the heart of the breach. In your way you'll meet two future companions, Varric (from DAII) and Solas, another elven mage. Now the squad is formed, you venture into this veil, only to find a vision of the past: Divine Justinia, the woman Cassandra served and the leader of the Chantry, asking you to run away before something explodes. The suspicion on you just grows stronger, but also the respect and the mystery around the mark of your hand. You fail to close the breach, and you're left unconscious for a couple of days.

You wake up in a cozy and warm place: Haven. This will be your hub-world for at least twenty hours. I MUST tell you this, for I felt the game only started when these first twenty hours finished: you're given quests and the story progresses fast enough to make you feel safe and secure in your way. The Inquisition es formed to fight this breach in the sky, and you must recruit as many companions as you can. Only after completing the initial quests and reuniting all the playable characters can I safely say the game starts.

Haven is attacked by Coripheus, a bad bad bad guy (you can notice he's evil because of his appearance, so evil and cruel, evil, evil man) and his archdemon, a huge black dragon. They tore down the whole place. You, as the main hero/heroine, must save everyone from total doom. You of course succeed in this (after a really annoying battle with fiends spawning every two seconds without allowing you to fricking spin a wheel), but Haven is forever destroyed in the process.

Thanks to Solas, the squad finds a new headquarters to live in: Skyhold, which is SO BEAUTIFUL AND REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF HOGWARTS- pretty useful for the Inquisition's purposes. You're officially named the Inquisitor, which for my character was a big deal, because she was not only a fricking hated mage, but also a fricking hated dalish elf. I made her always stood up for her race and her abilities, which served a greater purpose I believe the game hid very well: to break with prejudices. This is easy to miss if you play as a rogue human or warrior human, but when you play with other races, especially elves or Qunari, you can see how things change.

It's just a detail, but this hate for elves is such that when you do the Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts main quest and you need to gain points from the Orlaisian court, an elf starts off with ten less points of approval than a human. It's stupid, it's tiny, but it goes to show that prejudices are a huge thing in this game. Don't even get me started with mages, goddammit!

I know this all goes back to the previous games, and that's why I've read/watched what happens in those. Still, it's good that Bioware lets you redeem past characters with yours in Inquisition.

So now that you're at Skyhold, many new main quests unlock, many new main areas unlock as well and the game actually starts! I won't say the first part was just a prologue, for it's not, but it feels like the action picked up the pace once you get to your new home. As I said, being in Haven makes you feel comfortable and warm. The game creates a false feeling of safety before dealing a devastating blow, and that hit me hard.

From now on, you can do side quests, explore areas, close some rifts, talk to your companions and follow the main storyline as you please. It's all up to you! I won't spoil what happens, but I will talk about other stuff, like its characters.

Let's start off with your main Inquisitor. Their personality can vary between three main reactions to everything: either you're generous and solomonic, sarcastic and ironic, or direct and blunt, mostly unfriendly. I always went for the first option, but sometimes I needed to be a fricking bitch to get things done. One of the most important instances in which you can see right through your main character is the Sit in Judgment quests: after some main quests, you're given the option to judge certain characters that took part in it. The choices aren't the same for each case and mostly depends on your decisions or actions throughout the game, but again there are three main options: to give them a fair punishment (like community work), lock them up in the dungeons or execution. It kind of reminded me of Game of Thrones, when Ned tells Bran that the man dictating the punishment should wield the sword, well, it goes along those lines.

You can also begin a romantic relationship with the romanceable characters available to your race and gender. Specifically, a female elven Inquisitor can romance Cullen, Solas, Josephine, Iron Bull, Sera and Blackwall. A female human Inquisitor can romance all of the above, except for Solas. A female Inquisitor of the other races can romance Josephine, Iron Bull, Sera and Blackwall. And a male Inquisitor, doesn't matter the race, can romance Cassandra, Dorian, Iron Bull and Josephine again. So, once again, without even knowing it, I chose to be the most desirable Inquisitor in all Thedas! I believe the romantic relationship adds too much depth to both the romanceable character and your Inquisitor: you'll see them interacting in ways that are not available in other instances, and also develops their characters well beyond what the game wants to show you at first glance. Personally, I chose Cullen (I swear I didn't know ANYTHING about him from past games – I later investigated, and it fits so well that he falls in love with a mage!), but I'd advise you to try the other relationships as well. Cof, especially, cof, cof, Solas, cof, cof, damn you dlc expansions.

Let's talk for a bit about your companions. These will be your playable characters for the rest of the game. Prior to the attack to Haven, you can recruit Blackwall, a grey warden, with a past that hides more than meets the eye; Vivienne, an enchantress so beautiful that it made me question my sexuality a few times; Dorian, the most handsome mage in all Thedas that unfortunately only has eyes for men and not for this poor female Inquisitor who's been friendzoned by him; Sera, a rogue elf who doesn't like much magic or the elves or anything related to the Fade, but has the most interesting and funniest personality out of the team; Iron Bull, a mercenary Qunari who works with his team of rogues and is perfectly open to whatever sexual practice you're willing to try; and Cole, a spirit of a boy taken straight out of an anime and that sometimes made me want to cry myself to sleep with his storyline. These guys, alongside Varric, Solas and Cassandra, will accompany you to your missions. For each place you go, you have to choose three of them to form your team, but at each camp you can swap your characters just like that. Three warriors, three mages and three rogues, each of them specializing in one of the branches available for the class the Inquisitor belongs to. I recommend you to bring them all to your missions, maybe just walking around with them, for they interact with each other and their reactions are so natural and casual that makes me wonder how many lines were recorded for this game! And it adds so much to them and to their personalities!

At Skyhold, you'll have your counselors waiting for you at the war table: Cullen, your hot-as-hell-and-I-want-you-to-marry-me-you-sexy-pixel commander; Leliana, the master of spies and mother of all secrets and crows; and Josephine, your well educated ambassador, whose accent made me rethink in how many ways can the letter R be pronounced and that I've been saying it wrong my whole life.

All of these characters are unique and memorable. Companions and counselors will give you quests related to their backstories, in which you can learn from them and, if you're romancing them, advance further in your relationship. I strongly recommend you play all of their quests, for it develops the main story, and it makes you understand them. These are all morally grey characters, none of them are black or white, and sometimes some of your decisions in their quests can alter the ending of the game. So backle up, because there are these Social Links to complete and- sorry, wrong game.

For the most part, Dragon Age Inquisition remains with a serious and ominous tone. That's why there are certain scenes that melted my heart and robbed me of a few laughs and giggles, like the night they all play cards and Cullen ends up naked because he lost, or the man you have to judge that's angry at you and throws goats at Skyhold's walls – Maker's Breath, that one was a gem! And let us not forget about Cass and her filfthy readings! For these moments, I'm terribly grateful, for they remind me that sometimes it's good to relax and give these poor, tortured characters a break.

The voice acting in this game is just flawless. I can only speak for Cullen's romance, but his voice actor nailed it perfectly. There were scenes with him that destroyed my heart, and only because of how he spoke, so soft and sweet. AND LET ME JUST TELL YOU, THIS CUTSCENE:

IF YOU LISTEN CAREFULLY YOU CAN HEAR MY HEART BREAKING IN THE DISTANCE

The music score in this game was better than I expected. The main theme fits so well the tone of the story, and I was left impressed by the songs you can hear in the taverns! They're there, in the background, but if you stop to listen, you find magic and charm in their lyrics. Unexpected to say the least!

Visuals are also a delight. Except for character models, sceneries are colorful and vivid. A pity some animations are rigid and repetitive. 

However much I loved this game (and Cullen Wullen Cully Wully), I must say it's far from perfect. Most of my issues stem from technical problems and bugs: more than once my character was trapped in the falling animation without being able to make her walk, sometimes a character would disappear from a cutscene and suddenly the other characters would speak INTO THE VOID, some trophies are bugged and wouldn't pop up, etcetera, etcetera. There’s little room for appearance customization, with only short hairs for both male and female (Gods how I wish mods were a thing in consoles). I'm also quite angry that the actual ending that most probably will lead to Dragon Age 4 is in the expansion pack Trespasser, which is only 5 hours long and it currently costs (in Argentina PSN) over 17 dollars. If you've been following our poor and sad history with exchange rates, you'll know that's a lot of money for just a few hours of story I can easily find in YouTube (although I want to play it so bad!). I've bought complete games cheaper than that. Hell, this whole game costed me only 6 dollars!

That aside, and if you're able to oversee the bugs, I assure you, this is a great game. Gameplay is fast paced, the specialization for each character is deep and it marks a difference with the others, and the way you develop a friendship with each of your companions melted my heart. During the epilogue, you get to speak to each of them and the things they say to you can be synthetized in "dhajkdjakldjakldklas!!!".

I entered this world without a single piece of knowledge of it, and now, Dragon Age has gained a new follower. I'm thinking about playing the first two (of course, a fricking female mage again, because GO MAGES, GO!), only to cry in a corner waiting for the fourth installment to ever see the light of day.

If you liked The Witcher, or World of Warcraft, or are a fan of the past games, you can’t miss this one. Go, become the Inquisitor, kill some dragons, save the world, have some fun with your partner, love and care for Cullen Wullen Cully Wully, thank you.

[ladynorbert]

Hey ladynorbert!! This is your Wintersend secret Santa lady. I have been watching you from afar (in a totally non-creepy way I promise) and I've noticed you're a really avid writer. I would like to therefore make you an art. I know your fave pairing is Varric/Bethany, so I was wondering if you could write a little bit about why? And how you characterize Bethany in your head. I don't know much about them and DA2 is probably my least-played game. So anything you might share would be so helpful!

MY MOMENT HAS ARRIVED. SOMEONE ACTUALLY WANTS ME TO TALK ABOUT MY LOVE FOR THIS OTP. MANY APOLOGIES TO THE REST OF YOU BECAUSE THIS IS A SUBJECT ON WHICH I HAVE A LOT TO SAY AND RARELY GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO SAY IT.

Let’s see, where do I begin?

[Editor’s note: With me, obviously. I’m right here.]

Ah yes, excellent point, voice in my head that never quite goes away.

Varric Tethras is a member of the Dwarven Merchants’ Guild, though not entirely by choice I suspect. He’s rich, he’s well-connected, he’s charming, he’s cultured. I am deeply attached to him because there are many things we have in common - we both had an alcoholic parent whose drunken rages were a defining part of our childhoods, we both write stories which are strangely well-received, we both prefer to be by the fire, we are both intensely loyal to those who have earned our loyalty, and we both like pretty much everybody until they give us a reason not to like them.

Varric has a very painful past for a number of reasons. The Tethras family was always, in many ways, more like a business than a family; his official biography (for the DA tabletop RPG) even says that his older brother Bartrand always treated him more like a colleague than a sibling. His father died when he was a toddler; his mother was a drunk; and his brother cared more about making money than anything. He had a torrid love affair with another dwarf, and Inquisition makes it clear that there’s still some lingering feeling, but she broke off the plan to elope and instead went through with the marriage her parents arranged for her. 

Basically, I feel like for years, all Varric knew about love was that it hurt you in one way or another. Then he met the Hawkes.

Bethany Hawke is the youngest of the three Hawke siblings. In the games where she survives the prologue, she’s already lost her father to the Blight and her twin brother to an ogre. She’s also an apostate mage, so she’s spent most of her life hiding from Templars and trying to conceal what she really is. Despite hardship and personal anguish, however, she’s an incredibly sweet, warm-hearted, generous person. (In games where she dies, Hawke tells Anders that Bethany never turned away anyone who needed her help.) If she goes to the Circle (which is where I always send her, because becoming a Grey Warden makes her miserable), she becomes highly regarded even by the Templars and is given a position of authority over younger student mages. 

She loves her family, she cares deeply for her friends, and she’s kind to practically everyone. As a result, she’s the only companion besides Varric who is liked by everyone else in Hawke’s personal circle. Even Fenris, who absolutely despises mages on principle, develops a strong affection for Bethany as well as respect for her mastery of her magic.

So that brings us to why do you ship it? Frankly, there’s so much ship tease inherent in their interactions that I have a hard time believing that the devs didn’t intend us to ship it. Here’s what I’ve observed.

1) Varric gives nicknames to everyone in his social circle (except Hawke and Aveline, and later the Inquisitor). By and large, these are either superficial (Blondie, Elf, Curly) or sarcastic (Tiny, Junior, Chuckles). Bethany’s is one of the few exceptions to that rule. Bethany’s nickname is Sunshine. It’s clearly affectionate.

2) Varric has several lines in which he talks about the sun. One of these is in a party banter with Bethany herself; she asks him about the Tethras family being Orzammar nobility, and he concludes his thoughts on the matter by saying that part of the reason he prefers the surface is because “it’s sunnier here”. He also tells Hawke, in a possible cutscene dialogue, that he was born on the surface and is perfectly happy about it because “Sunshine suits me just fine.” Plus, his final tarot card in Inquisition is literally The Sun. 

Sunshine is one of Varric’s favorite things. He named Bethany after something he loves.

3) When he first meets the Hawke siblings, Varric is very suave and charming toward Hawke because he wants Hawke to go along with his plan for the expedition. But when he starts talking to Bethany, his tone of voice changes. I don’t know how to explain it - he’s not quite flirting, but he’s damn close to it.

4) Varric snarks at everybody. Everybody. It’s just how he relates to people. But he’s never snarky toward Bethany. His voice is always full of fondness when he talks to her.

5) Bethany rarely laughs. But when she does, it’s either Hawke or Varric causing it - and her laugh for Varric sounds way more like a flirty giggle than anything.

6) If Bethany dies in the Deep Roads, Varric is devastated. I mean full-on crushed. (Props to Brian Bloom, because his voice acting brought me to tears. “Oh, Sunshine.”) And he continues to hate himself for years because of it… clicking on him during Act 2, which is set three years later, will sometimes prompt him to say “Poor Sunshine… Bartrand will pay for her death, I promise you.” 

7) Bring Varric and Bethany as companions for either/both of the DLC campaigns, then try to tell me that there’s not something there.

(a) Legacy has less flirting, probably because of the seriousness of the situation. Regardless of when it’s done, Bethany is so upset by what’s happened that it shows on her face. If the DLC is done in Act 1, Varric actually thinks she’s ill because she looks so upset, and he’s worried. If it’s done in 2 or 3 with Circle!Bethany, she’s understandably freaked out because the Carta actually attacked her in the Circle, and only the presence of Templars saved her. Varric’s remarks to her are soothing, reassuring, and a little bit teasing (which gets her to laugh). And even if it’s done with Warden!Bethany, there’s something there - he flat out tells her that it’s good to see her, and he’s the only companion toward whom she can’t be cold.

(b) Mark of the Assassin, though… bring Varric and Circle!Bethany. He straight up hits on her. First there’s this interaction where she’s fussing about her clothes.

“I can’t believe I wore this to the Chateau. Maker, what was I thinking?”

“That it’s the uniform of the Circle and you could make a burlap sack look good?”

“It’s hardly the height of fashion.”

“You would kill these people if you wore the height of fashion.”

Later, when they’re running around in the dungeons trying to find Hawke and Tallis, he makes a comment about the quickness of her stride. She quips back at him, rather playfully, and he says, “There’s my Sunshine.” That single line is spoken in absolutely the warmest and sweetest voice we ever hear him use in either game where he appears. 

8) In Act 1, after the Hawkes have reclaimed Grandfather Amell’s will, Varric has party banter in which he addresses Bethany as “Milady Sunshine” (making her giggle) and also “my lady.” Coupled with the “my Sunshine” line mentioned above, that’s a lot of possessive pronouns, Varric. She is literally the only character in any of the games whom he ever calls “my” anything other than “my friend.”

9) Like the rest of the DAII companions, Varric makes comments when someone falls in battle. If that someone happens to be Bethany, his reaction is very interesting. The line itself is a bit of gold - “Hold on, Sunshine, I’m coming!” - but the tone of voice is especially delightful. It manages to sound equal parts reassuring and really pissed off, like whatever took her down is going to pay dearly for touching her.

10) If she’s still alive in Inquisition, Varric has several lines in which he indicates that he writes to her frequently. He also has a very interesting line if Bethany went to the Circle and is still alive as of Inquisition; following the events of the quest “Here Lies the Abyss”, he may have party banter with Cassandra in which she inquires, “And Hawke’s sister - she’s still alive, isn’t she?” Varric’s response is to say, in a slightly hostile tone, “Better be!”

So why do I ship it? In shortest form, they are both generous people who give a lot to others. They both care a lot about other people, sometimes even when they know it’s not the wisest thing. Most of all, their interactions make it very clear that, romantically or otherwise, they genuinely love each other. Theirs is a warm, honest, mutually respectful relationship and I think that they could really be happy together in a healthy way. And after the amount of crap they’ve both survived, I really want them to be happy.

For more stuff like this, come to @sunny-stories - it’s the greatest boat in the history of boats.

Thank you so much for the ask, anon! I look forward to whatever beautiful gift you decide to craft for me - I’m sure I will love it!

[oumakokichi]

Another character besides Komaeda that people (unfairly, in my opinion) compare with Ouma is Hiyoko in that they're both bratty, "sadistic" and child-like. Would you like to talk about their differences or similarities? Thank you!

Oh, this is a really fun question! I’ve seen people compareOuma and Saionji too for some time now, and while I think there are a handfulof surface-level similarities, there are plenty of differences as well.

In many ways, Ouma’s resemblances to Saionji are much likehis resemblance to Celes. While they seem to act or behave similarly, they’refar too different at their core to actually get along, in my opinion. Eventheir bonus mode interactions (there’s at least one in Ouma’s route, andanother in Saionji’s where the two of them interact along with Mikan), it seemsas though while they have similar interests and behaviors, they’re not reallysimilar enough to get along or befriend each other.

Saionji and Ouma are both two of the more childishcharacters in DR, it’s true. But it’s also true that there’s a world ofdifference as to why they act so childishly.

In Saionji’s case, a large part of it is because of herupbringing. Her strict background, as well as the abuse she went through, hasmade her into pretty much the definition of a playground bully, someone whothinks in terms of “as long as I’m picking on someone weaker than myself then I’mnot the one getting picked on.”

She’s undergone so much rigorous, severe training related toher talent, but as that was the only thing that interested her grandmother, she’sreceived almost no preparation or education about the real world. This isperfectly illustrated by her inability to tie her own obi, and why she flocks toKoizumi so readily when she sticks up for her once the rest of the cast beginspointing out that she stinks after not bathing.

Rather than just being childish, I would say Saionji is…well, “immature” might be a better word, though it means roughly the samething. While she does have certain childish interests, like gummy candies andplaying pranks, she’s also simply ill-equipped to deal with the world aroundher. There’s also something very genuinely immature and child-like about herinability to take what she dishes out.

While Ouma puts on crocodile tears frequently and likes toclaim he’s being “bullied” by the rest of the group, only to turn around andcheekily go “Oh, was I found out?” whenever anyone accuses him of faking it,Saionji’s tears are usually the real deal. In fact, she lies a lot more aboutfaking them than about the tears themselves, often becoming flustered and sulkyafter being made to cry by anyone else. Being teased or insulted even slightlyoften gets her extremely riled up, and she’s quick to cry from frustration.

In a way, the way that she acts actually reminds me more ofMiu than of Ouma. Both Saionji and Miu have a tendency to look for “easy prey”to pick on, throwing insults at the people they see as most likely to sit thereand take it (Mikan and Saihara, for example). And whenever anyone actuallypushes back or throws an insult their way instead, they’re quick to back down,only to try to repeat the same stunt a little while later when they think it’ssafe.

One of the most important differences to note is, in myopinion, the difference between Saionji’s rather black-or-white morality vs.Ouma’s grey morality. All of Saionji’s opinions about her classmates arecouched in completely black-or-white, good-or-evil terms. She either likes themquite a lot, or she can’t stand them, and she’s quick to maintain either ofthese opinions until something else comes along to convince her to change hermind.

She judges her classmates quite harshly for their flawswhile turning a blind eye to her own—which again, is fairly childish behaviorshowing how immature she really is in a lot of ways. She’s really, incrediblyfun as a character for all of these reasons, though. If anything, part of thefun is watching her go off on characters like Komaeda, saying things that noneof the other characters wanted to say because they felt it would be too bluntor rude.

Nothing illustrates the difference in morality between thembetter than their opinions on murder. Interestingly enough, both of them aresimilar in their dislike towards murderers. But again, it’s mostly only on thesurface.

Saionji has very childish, playground bully-like behaviors,such as stomping on ants and crabs and killing them (which reminds me quite alot of certain scenes in Umineko about breaking toys and killing butterflies,but that’s for another time). But she really can’t seem to stand actual, humankillers. This opinion of hers seems to stem less from an actual aversion todeath or from finding it sad or boring, but rather because she believes verystrongly in the “eye for an eye” adage. The day after Teruteru’s execution, forexample, she’s extremely outspoken about how he “got what he deserved,” and howhe was a “worthless, horrible human being for killing someone else.” In short,she seems to have zero sympathy for his actions whatsoever and wholeheartedlythinks he deserved to be killed after killing another person.

Ouma, meanwhile, has more complicated feelings on thematter. His dislike for murder means he feels very strongly about the subject,but it’s also true that he doesn’t necessarily hate people who kill. Throughout the course of ndrv3, hedemonstrates on multiple occasions that he can understand why people wouldbring themselves to kill someone else, but that he can’t agree with them foractually doing so. In short, Ouma is someone who can understand others withoutexcusing them.

Shortly before Kaede’s execution, we see him stronglyemphasize that it was still wrong of her to try and kill someone, even if itwas the ringleader (he’s the only character who seems to have this opinion, infact). But he also gives her a very forthright, honest send-off at the veryend, telling her that she wasn’t boring, which is one of the highestcompliments someone like him can offer. Again with Kirumi in Chapter 2, Oumademonstrates understanding for Kirumi’s motives even if he can’t agree withwhat she did personally. Just after her execution, he looks down and says thathe can understand wanting to live with all one’s might, demonstrating that hehad a high amount of respect for her even though he could never excuse herkilling another person and putting the entire group’s lives in danger.

Even with Maki, who he arguably butts heads with the mostover the course of the game, Ouma doesn’t hate her for having killed people. Hedislikes her, yes, and more than anything he resents the fact that she’s aconstant threat which the rest of the group refuses to acknowledge as such. Buthe doesn’t actually think that she or anyone else within the group “deserves”to die. The only reason killers have to be executed for their crimes is becausethe alternative is everyone else dying in the trial, period. If it weren’t forthe rules of the killing game itself, I highly doubt Ouma would demonstratenearly as much ruthlessness towards the culprits as he does in-game.

This ability to understand other people’s actions withoutexcusing them is itself quite mature. This is only fitting, as Ouma is always awalking contradiction. As I’ve stated in plenty of meta, he is childish, and enjoys playing pranks,teasing others, and just generally acting like a brat—usually without any realmean-spirited intentions, though it’s true that he does overstep his bounds onsome of his pranks even before he starts putting on his villain routine.  But his childishness is more like someone who’sa “child at heart,” rather than someone who’s actually immature and who hasn’tgrown up yet.

His mindset towards his classmates and towards the killinggame are extremely mature, complex, and multi-layered. As someone whounderstands the true nature of “lies,” and therefore the main themes of ndrv3itself, Ouma is capable of understanding multiple conflicting viewpoints at thesame time. Lies themselves are, as he says, “on the same level as truth.” Andunlike the truth, which is only ever singular, lies hold infinite potential.

It’s possible to believe in several conflicting lies all atonce, in order to not crush someone’s truth. The reason Ouma himself likeslies, as he states in the Chapter 4 trial, is because they can be used to  avoid hurting others, to comfort them in theface of a harsh reality. This is an extremely interesting and sympatheticmindset, because it’s not the kind of thing that someone who hasn’t been hurtbefore would understand. I found his entire speech about the “endlesspossibilities” of lies extremely reminiscent of Umineko, particularly as there’sa whole speech in Umineko about how “those who become witches” are the ones who“need magic in order to escape from the painful truth of reality.”

It’s clear then that even though Saionji and Ouma both actsimilarly on the surface, Saionji is far less mature and thinks in much moreblack-or-white, straightforwardly childish terms than Ouma does. Unlike Ouma,who’s a master at lying and seeing through others’ deceptions, Saionji is painfullytransparent when she tries to lie, and she dislikes being lied to or deceivedby others because she dislikes showing her own weaknesses and being taken advantageof. She seeks out people she perceives as weaker than herself because thebullying and abuse she experienced has led to her feeling like the only way shecan clearly demonstrate that she’s not still being bullied is if she bulliessomeone else instead.

While Ouma very much acts the part of a “playground bully”in his tendency to tease and pick on some of the other characters, his remarksusually never go past the point of teasing, and often when he teases someoneelse, it’s actually done in order to try and subtly guide them in another direction.For example, he often comments on Gonta’s naivete and how he should be morecareful or else he’ll “get killed.” His comments towards Gonta about how heneeded to stop crying and pitch in with the Chapter 4 investigation also, asSaihara himself notes, seemed harsh on the surface but actually succeeded ingetting Gonta to cheer up and feel more useful.

This kind of behavior is what Ouma specializes in: he likeshelping without seeming like he’s helping. It’s exactly what he did in theChapter 3 post-trial, where he told Himiko that she was simply lying to herselfand trying to avoid coming to terms with her own emotions despite havingpromised she’d stop in the trial.

People still, I think, misconstrue that scene as Ouma “bullying”Himiko or trying to make her cry just for the sake of being mean—but inreality, all he actually says is that he doesn’t think she should lie to herself.He doesn’t insult or berate her, but instead tries to push her to actuallyconfront her grief, and that’s why she finally breaks down crying over Tenko’sand Angie’s deaths. Everyone notes how much more peaceful Himiko seems once shefalls asleep after she’s done crying, so once again, we see that Ouma generallyonly does these things in order to try and help his classmates, rather thanactually bullying them or hurting their self-esteem.

If Ouma and Saionji were to ever interact for a longerperiod of time than just their bonus mode segments, I doubt they would hateeach other per se, but I do think they wouldn’t be able to see eye to eye.There’s a very unsympathetic, childish cruelty in Himiko’s black-or-whitementality towards others who she sees as “weak.” Meanwhile Ouma is far toocryptic and dishonest for Saionji to ever actually like him, especially when Isuspect he’d probably wind up taking her down a few pegs the same way he doesMiu, if she were to ever try making any comments towards him.

Ouma very much likes to actas though he’s the Saionji of the group—someone whose bark is bigger than hisbite, and who acts pretty childish and selfish and mean but ultimately isn’t athreat. But it’s just an act. Unlike Saionji, who truly is pretty harmlessother than her bullying behavior, Ouma is strategic, practical, andcalculating. The reason him punching Momota came as such a surprise, not only tothe other characters but to the fandom as well, is because no one saw itcoming. He downplayed his own strength and capabilities flawless until the verylast moment, because he acted as though he was all talk. No one expected him tobe physically strong, and in the same way no one expected him to be asintelligent as he was either.

I’ll stop for now because this has gotten really long, butthank you so much for sending this in. This was a really fun question to writeabout—I haven’t really written anything about Saionji before, I think, andsince she gets compared to Ouma so often it was really enjoyable to be able towrite about it in-depth! Thanks for stopping by, anon!

[purpleparrot]

ok i’m gonna do a post on the bachelorette bios under a read more bc its long as h*ck

Adam, 27, real estate agent. Gains points for listing his most embarrassing moment as telling his mom he was going on the bachelorette (submit an application for any reality show and you have answer to that question for the rest of you life) and immediately loses them for saying his favorite actor is “jennifer lawrence because she’s every girl’s goal” (three years ago this would have been true but not now my guy) and saying a threesome is the most romantic gift he’s ever received.

Alex, 28, information systems supervisor. Says the most outrageous thing he’s ever done is eat a live salamander (um?) and lists the rock as his favorite artist (um????). Also says the most romantic present he’s ever given is a car which was probably very awkward when the relationship ended.

Anthony, 26, education software manager. Describes emotional intelligence as one of his best attributes so if things don’t work out with Rachel he’d be a great match for Taylor from Nick’s season. Also says that he has “virtually no limits in the bedroom once the connection is there” and honestly its just weird that they asked some of them that question (like I’d answer that question for the entire internet to read)

Blake E., 31, “Aspiring Drummer” says that the most outrageous thing hes ever done is get engaged to a “crazy girl” then calls himself a “classic gentleman” two questions later. Also wants to watch the new 50 Shades movie because he loves “taboo sexy stuff”. Was engaged for 48 hours which is probably about 24 hours more than he’ll last on the bachelorette. Hates when his date talks about her cats, so Taylor Swift is basically his worst nightmare. Also doesn’t think parking ticket people have souls, which is honestly the most redeeming answer of the bunch.

Blake K, 29, U.S, Marine Veteran. Would want to be the Rock for a day because “he’s the only person who could look cool wearing a fanny pack”. Says that roses are his favorite flower, which I’m 99% sure is a prerequisite to getting on the show. Says he won’t wrestle a crocodile or eat monkey brains for love, and mostly seems too normal for this show.

Brady, 29, Male Model. Says that tackling snowmen is something he does for fun in his hometown (um? fingers crossed he makes it to hometowns so we can see how exactly that works) and says Lululemon sweatpants are the most romantic gifts he’s ever received, which is slightly (okay a lot) more normal than threesome. Says the the Situation from Jersey Shore is the person he dislikes the most in the world, making me think about that show for the first time in at least three years. (Also, does he remined me a little bit of Robby from Jojo’s season appearance-wise?)

Bryce, 37, Chiropractor. Kind of looks like Chase from Jojo’s season (to me at least). Lists like seven things when asked for his three best attributes, so apparently has some trouble with numbers. Also says the Bachelor/Bachelorette is one of his favorite TV shows because he’s “fascinated by the interaction socially between a man and a woman” (please no one watches this show for the love story, you watch for the drama and you know it) has also had balcony sex? (idk what to do with that information)

Bryce, 30, firefighter. All of his answers are oddly poetic? Describes himself as a “laid back shot of gasoline when the fire starts to die”. Looking for someone with “eyes you could drown in and a smile that insults the sun”. Says he’s “a fresh drink of water with a jolt of lightning”. I’d put money on him reading Rachel some 9th grade English poem the first night. Describes his dream job as a professional Instagrammer which he’s definitely in the right place for with all the Fittea and teeth whitening stuff everyone who goes on this show seems to sell.

Dean, 26, startup recruiter. Has a lip tattoo? (It says righteous, I know you were dying to know. Thinks marriage is an “institutionalized sham derived from religious beliefs” so he’ll fit in perfectly on a show where the end goal is getting engaged!

DeMario, 30, executive recruiter. Scores points for referencing Britney Spears not once but twice, saying he loves attention but not like 2007 Britney, like when she and Justin Timberlake wore those denim outfits. Wants to have a pet lion and name it “Denzel the lion”, Doesn’t have any phobias, which I’m sure made the produces frown and cross his name off potential candidates for those dates they always have where they skydive or something and they’re both really freaked out and have to comfort each other. Earns more points by saying that the most romantic gift he’s ever given is tickets to a Beyonce and Jay-Z concert.

Diggy, 31, senior inventory analyst. Spends Saturday nights trying to recover from day drinking (he and Corinne would get along great if Rachel doesn’t pick him!) Once pretended to be asleep so he didn’t have to help a girl find her brother after a one night stand.

Eric, 29, personal trainer. Rachel seems like she was digging him on the ATFR when she men some of her guys. If he could be anyone for a day, he’d be Tony Robbins, which is a name I had to Google and according to Wikipedia he is a    “MLM advocate, businessman, and author”. Says green juice is his favorite drink, so I’m sure he’ll be fine in the bachelor house where it seems like all they have to drink is champagne. Not to go all avril-lavigne-is-dead-and-was-replaced-by-a-clone conspiracy theorist but if he could go anywhere in the U.S. it would be New Orleans, which is where Rachel had her one-on-one with Nick.

Fred, 27, Executive Assistant. Admits to the entire Internet that he sometimes gets aroused at work. This isn’t in his bio but in the preview for the season it says that he and Rachel went to elementary school together and he has apparently had a “lifelong fascination” with her ever since which is a lil weird to me. Like I doubt I could pick someone I went to elementary school with out of a lineup much less recognize them on TV nearly 20 years later.

Grant, 29, emergency medicine physician (!). Would like to be President of the United States for a day, which would honestly probably be better than Donald Trump (I mean, they have about the same amount of experience). Lists Playboy as his favorite magazine with a ;) face. Makes a lame “A see food diet. I see food I eat it” when asked about eating habits, so I’m expecting him to open with an equally lame joke when he meets Rachel.

Iggy, 30, Consulting Firm CEO. Idk if ABC made a typo or what, but if not he lists his best and worst attributes as the same traits (Truly a double edged sword). If stranded on a dessert island he would want it to be a banana float (haha) (Also thats a really stupid question anyway-ABC if you need someone else to write these I’m available)

Jack Stone, 32, Attorney (!). First, why is his whole name on the website? Usually its just their last initial, and that’s only if there’s two people with the same name. Which isn’t the case here so @ ABC wyd. Is an attorney like Rachel, and has been the only one so far smart enough to plead the fifth on the bedroom question. Two of his worst attributes are “hard on myself, anxious” which is very #relatable. Says tulips are his favorite flower because they’re like roses without thorns.

Jamey, 32, Sales Account Executive. Answers the question “where do you see yourself in five years” with “I am trying not to make plans right now” which is also very #relatable. I should bust that one out at my next job interview. Says his ideal mate looks like a model (we all wish) and responds “I do not have any female friends” to “describe your best friend of the opposite sex and why she/she deserves that title”.

Jedidiah, 35, ER Physician (!). Previously owned dogs that were over 1/2 wolf, which is slightly terrifying. Likes wild flowers that grow above high altitudes. Has had sex on a glacier which just sounds like a bad idea, frostbite and all that. Likes nice pens (don’t we all), clashing slightly with his outdoorsy image.

Jonathan, 31, “Tickle Monster”. Anyone identifying themselves as a tickle monster would be cut immediately if I were Rachel. They wouldn’t even make it inside the mansion. I hate being tickled. Formerly sported a mullet. Says his favorite flower right now is a red rose (*rolls eyes*). Previously married, which the producers are probably going to bring up at every given opportunity. Lists Britney Spears as one of his favorite music artists, which still doesn’t even begin to make up for the tickling thing.

Josiah, 28, Prosecuting Attorney (!). Has had sex in his office, so hopefully he didn’t tell his employer he was going on the show, and if he did, hopefully they don’t find this. Was once catfished, so perhaps he’s on the wrong show anyway. Perhaps Nev and Max can participate in a group date giving tips on how not to get catfished.

Kenny, 35, professional wrestler. Spends his Saturday nights either “wrestling in his underwear in front of thousands of people or with his daughter”. Has a daughter, which the producers will also probably bring up at every given opportunity because exploiting children is always fun! Says he was “quick draw Mcgraw” when he first started dating his ex. Has had sex with a wife while her husband watched, which sounds like more Unreal than Bachelorette territory tbh.

Kyle, 26, marketing consultant. Generally doesn’t trust people and dislikes corrupt authority, and respects Ed Snowden. Probably has a Bernie 2016 sticker on his car. doesn’t know what gluten is but eats gluten free when he can. Describes his ideal mate as 7+ and says BDSM was weird because he doesn’t like hurting people.

Lee, 30, Singer/Songwriter. Would want to learn to make booze if stranded on a deserted island.  Considers himself a romantic. Also seems too normal for this show (aside from the career) and will probably be gone the first night.

Lucas, 30, “Whaboom” I googled it and couldn’t find an answer as to what “Whaboom” even means so we’re off to a great start. When asked who he would have lunch with out of everyone in the world, replies “ Dead: Bruce Jenner, Alive: Caitlyn Jenner” *cringes* would want the cast of the View with him on a deserted island which is pretty smart actually because they’d probably wind up killing each other and he could establish himself as the apex predator. Enjoys a “good old bump and grind” when it comes to dancing. Lists going to funeral as one of his least favorite date activities, which makes me question his dating history history. I feel like he’ll be the villain.

Matt, 32, Construction Sales Rep. Describes lingerie as the most romantic gift he’s ever given saying  “I knew I was in love once I found myself shopping at Victoria Secret” #justlikethenotebook. Describes a tinder date as his worst dating memory. Has had sex on a cruise ship balcony. Despite that is probably still too normal for the show and will probably be eliminated quickly.

Michael, 26, Former professional basketball player, which is less impressive when you keep reading and find out it was in Bulgaria. Would want to have lunch with Obama. One of his worst date fears is one of his friends hooking up with his date in the past which should make fantasy suites fun should he make it that far. Also like the fifth guy to name Denzel Washington as his favorite actor.

Milton, 31, Hotel recreation supervisor. Has a lip tattoo. Is oddly upfront about not being on the show for the “right reasons”. He says he wants to be discovered and break into acting or writing.  (At least try to lie and say you’re here for love my guy). Describes himself as only “kinda” romantic because he thinks it can show you’re weak.

Mohit, 26, Product manager. Says he is going to dress up as gluten for Halloween. Good luck with that. Likes country music. Has used Tabasco sauce in the bedroom which just sounds like a bad idea (honestly what do yall get up to where you need condiments). Is like the third person to say he admires Elon Musk.

Peter, 31, business owner. Once thought he got abducted after a one night stand. Likes modern family. Seems normal. Also cute. I’ve been trying to dodge spoilers but a few have slipped through the cracks and I must say...

Rob, 30, law student. Would want to have lunch with Buddha. Would want to be able to control time. Also seems normal. Will probably be eliminated quickly.

Will, 28, Sales Manager. Considers himself a romantic. Describes every tinder date he’s ever been on as his worst dating experience. Hates being a second choice, so hopefully he doesn’t wind up like Nick as runner up twice.

So overall it seems like there’s a lot more diversity this season, which is great to see! its also cool that that most of the men are closer to Rachel’s age compared to last season when some of the girls were literally 10 years younger than nick. And since i haven’t read spoilers, i guess i’ll pick a few faves based on bios alone: Peter, Eric, DeMario, Jack stone thats probably way off im bad at stuff like that

See yall the 22nd!

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 12:49 pm overcast/cool/bird chirps

Welcome to “8 Questions With…….”

The story behind my meeting actor Daniel R. Hill is because of Paladin,my cheetah. Now  how does a meeting like that take place and I’m glad you asked because its a pretty different kind of carpet ride.

A couple of years ago,the cheetah and I were introduced to the crazy world of film maker Joe Lynch when we watched a film of his called “The Knights Of Badassdom” and thought it was one the best films ever!! But what made it really cool was seeing just how down to earth Joe was in real life,the man loves films and having fun and so we followed Joe on Twitter. Joe is very interactive with his fans on his account and he will talk about his films with anyone as we found out. When he annouced the making of “Mayhem”,I sent him a tweet and asked him if there was room for a cheetah in it,he said “No,not this time around but you never know in the future”. Soon (in film speak) “Mayhem” came out and it was an amazing and frentic ride about an out of control virus (hmmmmm) that caused people to go all Republican on each other and we thought it was pretty awesome. Being a busy film director is in Joe Lynch’s blood and soon enough he announced his next project which was called “Point Blank”. So once again I sent him a tweet and asked him if there was room for a cheetah and he tweeted back…..”Funny you should mention that because we do have a character named Cheetah in “Point Blank”.  Of course what can one do but start laughing,now to be perfectly honest,I don’t know of Joe took the crazy tweets of a fan as an inspiration to naming a charater “Cheetah” but it did open the door to meeting the man who not played Cheetah but also has a connection to one of my favorite directors and film companies. When I looked at Daniel’s IMDb page,what leaped out was his co-starring in a film released by IFC Midnight called “Rust Creek” which was directed by Jen McGowan,another fantastic film maker we had met on Twitter after getting a copy of “Rust Creek” and have become friends with. Between the IFC Midnight movie and playing “Cheetah”,it was only right and proper that we interview this wonderful actor. So I reached out to Daniel,told him our story and hoped that he wouldn’t think of us as weird,I don’t know about the not being weird part but I do know I am very glad Daniel agreed to answer 8 Questions with us……..so let’s get to it,shall we?

   Please introduce yourself and tell about your current project.

 My name is Daniel R. Hill. I am a professional actor based in Los Angeles, originally from Louisville. Most recently, my Lionsgate film Hunter’s Moon was released in March, starring Thomas Jane, Katrina Bowden, myself and a great cast. And in January we wrapped the Russo Brothers new film Cherry; with some incredible actors that include Tom Holland, Bill Skarsgard, Forrest Goodluck, Michael Gandolfini, and too many more to name. Had a great time working with Joe & Anthony on that one.

 How are you handling this Covid-19 lockdown? What are you doing to stay busy?

 I am handling it a lot better than I thought I would. I’ve been focused on my health & fitness in 2020. And I’ve been successful to keep on track during the rona. My reps have gotten me a good amount of auditions during this time too. Nobody is sure when filming with start back up, but I love auditioning and it is a great way to keep the acting muscles strong. Other than working out and cooking every meal, I have been working toward finishing my first screenplay. Looking to start shopping it around this Fall. So, trying to stay productive and positive.

 What was it like growing up in the Hill house? What are your three fondest memories growing up?

 I grew up in the very modest Southend of Louisville. I was the youngest of 3 boys (my poor mother). And we were all very immersed in sports from a very young age through college. We all played a different collegiate sport: football, baseball, & soccer. And my father was a successful football coach for 30 years. Most of my fondest memories revolve around sports and all of the friends I made through football and in school. Louisville is a funny place in that when you meet someone new, you always ask – “Where did you go to school?” – and even as an adult Louisvillians know the answer being searched relates to what high school and grade school you attended. I’ve always said Louisville’s slogan should be “Just enough city.” It’s a fun vibrant city full of art, theatre, food, bourbon, and sports. But still has that southern hometown appeal.

 What led you into becoming an actor? Was there a defining moment when you knew that was what you wanted to do?

   I had transferred universities after my freshman year. And while meeting with my advisor at the new school, he asked what I wanted to do after football. It was a question I had thought of a lot. So I blurted out, “Professional Wrestling.” I didn’t know if I wanted to be a wrestler, a manager, or a backstage creative, but I knew a lot about the business, followed it closely, and was friends with a bunch of wrestlers. The advisor did nit laugh at me. He looked at me and said, “Well you need to take an acting class.” And I thought – Hell yeah I do. I was such a jock tht I did not even know that theatre or acting was something you could even major in or pursue in college. And within the first week of Acting 1 I caught the bug. My teacher began to have discussions with me after class as she was impressed that I had a lot of natural talent and zero training. And quite frankly I hated school. And acting was, challenging, engaging, and involved a ton of teamwork. A lot of the same traits of sports. So I dove in head first. I never went back to the football field or wrestling ring, and here I am now in LA doing exactly what I set out to do full time. It has been a long journey, and there is plenty more to go.

 Which do you perfer,doing live theater or doing films? What are the three biggest challenges between the two?

   So I came up through the theatre. Theatre will always be my first love. The first 15 years of my career was exclusively in theatre. Everything from Shakespeare to Hip-Hop Theatre to Chekhov to African American Theatre. And I was able to work for some of the best theatre companies in America,. I received my MFA in Acting at the Professional Actor Training Program (University of South Carolina), and that place made me into the man & artist I am today. I owe so much to them. I was still very green after undergrad and wanted more training at a place that could put me on the professional path. So, I have a LOT of love for theatre. It shaped me into the actor I am today. My love for film & television is much more than financial. I really love that when I complete a film or series that it lives on forever. It is archival evidence of what my purpose was on earth long after I am gone. And I love that people across the world can experience & enjoy my work at the same time people here in the States can. Whereas the special thing about theatre is it is a shared experience in the moment that night with whoever is there. And the shows changes from night to night the same way the audience does. The one take, no second chances of theatre will really test an actor; and I love the challenge. On the flip side, the challenge of film/tv is there are 50 or so people running around, sweating, tired, working so that you can do your job. And all of a sudden it is GO TIME. And everyone stops. And everything gets quiet. And everyone stares at you. And there is millions of dollars on the line. And everyone is expecting you to deliver. Now THAT is a challenge! A much different challenge, but still a very difficult thing to do. I have the highest respect for all actors, and the highest love & gratitude for both storytelling mediums.

 How do you prepare yourself for a new role? 

   One thing I learned from my mentor (and very well known acting teachers) Steve Pearson & Robyn Hunt, was how to develop a Process. I think actors who just “wing-it” are foolish and that will only get you so far. At the end of the day we are tasked to take paper & ink and bring it to life. So I teach private lessons to young actors in LA and I ask them all of the time, “So great, you got hired. The role is yours. They send you the script, and you start shooting in 2 weeks. (I lay the scene in front of them) Now show me how you work. How do you bring this paper & ink to life and make it a character and not just someone regurgitating lines they memorized.” And unfortunately 90% of the time they have no clue. To me it ALL starts with script analysis. I read the script many times looking for clues about my character. What do Is say about my character? What do others say about my character? What do I say about other characters? And so on… I could write a whole book on the Process. That is why I am a firm believer that training is crucial. And not everyone needs to study the same techniques. Different methods exist because different things work for different actors. But for me it all starts with in-depth script analysis. And then I use the tools I have learned to bring my character to life: how do they think, talk, breathe, walk different than Daniel the actor? To me creating YOUR version of the character is the most exciting part of the process. I could go on and on, but I won’t. LOL

 You’re at an audition and a fellow actor who is trying for the same role,asks you for help. Would you help or not and why?

    No I would not. I am there to win the job. Now if someone asks something simple like, “Hey have you seen the sign-in sheet?” then I won’t be an asshole. But in an audition setting I am focused on MY work. Nothing aggravates me more than someone who is trying to have small talk in a casting office. That is not the time and place for that. That is what I was taught, that is what works for me, and that is what I believe. I am not gonna be a prick, but I am not there to meet any new friends either. I am there to earn my next job.

” “Daniel has a playfulness in his work that’s energizing. Committed, professional and invested. And on top of being a great actor he’s a really lovely guy. Best of both worlds!”

– Director Jen McGowan (Rust Creek)

What was shooting “Rust Creek” like? Can you share a funny story about your experience? What did you take away from this film that helped you as an actor?

     Rust Creek was and still is a wild experience. Our film was just named Top 20 Films of 2019 by Forbes. Our theatrical run was very successful and we kept getting extended in many cities. We did very good on the festival circuit before that. And now we are in rotation & streaming on Showtime. People love the film and for good reason. Jen McGowan directed a beautiful dark story and compiled an outstanding cast who all delivered really strong work across the board. We filmed in the Winter. Some days it was 10 degrees outside. And most of the film takes place outside in the elements. So there is no faking the frost on a mustache or cold breathe when someone speaks. It was the strongest camaraderie  I had felt on any project. We all knew we had a great script to work with, and we were all still proving ourselves to various degrees as forces to be reckoned with in the business. And we knew the elements were going to be brutal. But if we banded together and fought and stayed positive always that there was a bright light at the end. That film showed me firsthand that you don’t always need massive studio budget to pull off a special piece of cinema.

 Talk to us about playing “Cheetah” in “Point Blank”….what was it like working with director Joe Lynch? Is he really that nice as he comes across?

How do you keep yourself sharp if you’re not on set shooting scenes?

     Cheetah was one of the funnest roles I have played to date. I grew up around many people like that character. And I was a rapper early in my career before ever getting into acting. So I had plenty to pull from. And most people in Hollywood would not expect me to be able to pull off such a role by looking at me now. So that intrigued me. I hit it off with Joe from mt first callback. He liked my take on Cheetah, and we had some great discussions like how Cheetah makes a vocal appearance in Wheelman with Frank Grillo but is never seen on camera. So I had some research to do in matching my Cheetah voice with that one. But early on I loved Joe’s energy and vision for the film. I thought he killed it. What a fun set that was. Cannot say enough good things about everyone involved including Joe Lynch, Producer Joe Carnahan, star Frank Grillo, and everyone at WarParty films. Adam Simon’s script was brilliant. Ans my boy Markice Moore as Big D was brilliant. I hope to work with many of those guys again in the near future. It was blazing hot in Cincinnati where we filmed. Luckily Cheetah had cornrows, so they kept my head cool. But I was swearing through wardrobe shirts like crazy. Haha. When I am not shooting scenes I like to sit in video village and learn from directors, producers, & cinematographers. There is a TON that goes on behind the camera that I think helps a film actor become even better the more they become aware of it.

 What  are three things about teaching that you enjoy the most?

 1 – I love paying it forward. I was once that really young eager lid who wanted to get better. And if not for great teachers I would not be where I am today. 2- I love seeing that lightbulb moment happen for actors when they finally “get” something. And then you see them connect the dots and begin to grow. It is very rewarding to help them realize things that will make their work stronger. 3 – It makes me a better actor and keeps me sharp. All of my best teachers were the ones who could also do. And who continued to work. The challenge of effectively communicating what I know so that someone else truly absorbs it – that keeps me on my game.

 Is there any role that you would turn down and why?

   As long as it makes sense, and I believe in the project, then I’m game for most roles. But I am going to ask a lot of questions if I am going to take a risk with a role. At the end of the day it is not al about money. Most actors, myself included, want to make meaningful art. And there are different genres, and they all have merit, but I always need to know why this story and this character are important. And does what is happening over all make sense?

 What do you like to do on your down time?

  I study a ton of film & tv series. We have so much content these days we are in the Platinum Era of TV, especially with the rise of streaming services. You cannot watch everything. But things that I think I would be good for, or that I am being pitched for, I watch at least a few episodes. You never want to audition for a series blind not knowing anything about it. If it already exists you need to do your research.

Which five actors/actresses would you like to do a scene with and why?

  Meryl Streep – she is fearless. She makes BOLD choices and does not apologize about it. Those are my favorite types of actors.

Daniel Day Lewis – Daniel vs Daniel on screen. What’s not to like? A  “character actor” in the truest sense of the word. Most of the truly great actors know how to become the character.

Denzel Washington – He is an icon. And I like how he is evolving as an actor. He keeps getting better with age. His work gets deeper & richer every time. I think Roman J Isreal was his best work.

Jeffrey Wright – for the same reasons I mentioned in ALL 3 of the above actors. This man has never phoned it in. I have loved his work from Basquiat to Cadillac Records to everything in between. I don’t think he gets the credit he deserves. A Master at work on film.

Laura Dern – I think she is one of the greatest actors of all time. Powerful, connected, and full of conviction. She seems like an actor that would keep me on my toes, and I like that.

   The cheetah and I are flying over to watch your latest film but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing?

  In LA we would have to get Mexican food at one of the many great restaurants or taco trucks, then we’ll walk it off on the Venice Boardwalk and head down to the Santa Monica Pier for some prime people watchin & scenery. End the day meeting with a bunch of friends at Angel City Brewing followed by Wurst Kuche for late night artisan bratwurst, beer, & a live dj while coloring with crayons on the tables. Sounds weird cause it is.

I like to thank Daniel for taking the time to chat with us. His new film “Hunter’s Moon” is now out and you can pick it up at places like Walmart and Best Buy. We’re still waiting and hoping for a home release of “Point Blank” sometime this year. You can get “Rust Creek” on the IFC Films website.

To keep up with Daniel’s fast rising career,you can follow him through various ways.

Follow Daniel on his InstaGram page. You can also follow him on his Twitter page. You can see what films and TV shows Daniel will be on via is IMDb page.

If you are new to the blog and my interview series,you can catch up by going here.

8 Questions with………actor Daniel R. Hill Its 12:49 pm overcast/cool/bird chirps Welcome to "8 Questions With......." The story behind my meeting actor Daniel R.

[meditationklaus]

How To Handle Negative Feedback and Criticism As A Yoga Teacher

One of the most heartbreaking and difficult parts of being a yoga teacher is receiving negative feedback or criticism when you are not prepared for it. Negative feedback however, is sometimes a bigger blessing then any other form of feedback—if you are able to process it properly.   One of my first teaching gigs involved subbing a class from a popular local teacher at the last minute. I happily announced that I was the sub for the class and then stood there paralyzed, witnessing half the students immediately roll up their mats and walk out the room.   The students had no qualms about saying loudly how let down they were, they shot me side glances and said stuff like “she’s far too inexperienced,” “are you kidding me,” and  “this is a load of crap.”   A few weeks prior I had been lucky enough to be given words of advice from my mentor about receiving feedback. I was forced to recall, and implement, these slices of wisdom extremely quickly as I stood in that classroom, so early in my career, deciding whether I was going to cry, run away, or laugh their criticism off.   Make no mistake—in that moment, I was mortified. If it weren’t for the following advice I probably would have never taught again.

Accepting The Feedback

My Mentor Said “Always Be Objective.”

A good rule of thumb is to allow ALL feedback to be objective. When you receive positive feedback, use it not as a compliment, but as a tool to build a better class experience. Then do the same when you receive negative feedback.

I was once told by a fellow teacher that I spoke too much in class. I sat with that comment for a split second and felt angry, so I shrugged it off as bad advice.

One day, for a completely different reason, I recorded myself teaching, and I realized my class really was a never-ending slurry of words! I immediately started to refine my cues, and began leaving mindful silences all over the place in class. Suddenly the positive feedback started flooding in about how precise my cues were!

Once I became objective, I was able to see the students experience and adjust to make their classes more nourishing. The bottom line is that our teaching is about the students, and we NEED their feedback so we can improve our teachings. However hard it is to hear or witness, it is a vital part of teaching anything to anyone.

You cannot possibly have a good understanding of your students’ experience within your class without hearing what they have to say—the good AND the bad.

My Mentor Said “Listen Without Reaction.”

When you are in the moment and someone is saying something negative to you about your class, protect your heart, but also be professional. This is your work, after all.

Do not let your emotions take a grip on your voice-box, or body. You need to think carefully before you say anything in response.

Test your “acting, instead of re-acting” skill set.

“Acting” is a mindful, thought out response, while reacting is an impulsive, often emotional response. People don’t always phrase things in nice ways. They might not realize they are being more mean than they need to be, but it happens, and it can be hard to hear.

The best way to respond to a student, mentor or co worker giving feedback, is often to just listen. It allows you to digest their words before you react. Most people don’t want to hurt you, but if this person is purely ranting instead of giving useful feedback, then it won’t serve either of you to react to it.

If it is a heartfelt piece of feedback that is being poorly phrased, then you need to hear it with an open mind. Me reacting emotionally to the behavior of those students who walked out of class saying those comments wasn’t going to rectify the situation, and it would have made the rest of the class quite uncomfortable.

Being Productive

Even if you disagree with the feedback, you should turn it into a productive tool. If nothing else, it is good practice for when a useful comment comes your way.

My Mentor Said “Be Grateful.”

Whatever the comment made, however it makes you feel, and however it is delivered to you, try to say “Thank You.” This will change the tone of the interaction and place you in a more professional and respectable light. It will tell the commentator that you heard them, while asserting that you are open to feedback—which you are, because you want to grow as a teacher!

Make a note of the comment and put it to one side. Come back to it when you are alone and in a safe, nourishing environment—a place that you love; snuggled on your couch with hot tea in the evening, or basking on your sun deck with a cool drink. Now you will be able to consider the feedback in a calmer manner and make it into something productive.

Brainstorming

I like to brainstorm around all comments, even if I disagree with the statements made. But, if you hear the same types of comments over and over again, that is a sign you definitely need to address the issue more thoroughly.

Writing down as much as possible on an idea gives us a deeper understanding of the people in the room with us. Who gave the feedback, why, when, what did it feel like to me, what could I do if I chose to fix it, who would benefit from fixing it, could I use that fix as a productive and promotional tool?

Someone once told me they hated my music. I’m not the only teacher to hear this said, and it’s perfectly understandable because music is so personal. I brainstormed on this and came up with a way to offer students the opportunity to recommend tunes they do like via Spotify and social media. It acts as a promotional tool for me, and the students feel like a bigger part of the class.

If i had ignored the comment I wouldn’t be using that tool today. No one complains about the playlists anymore—in fact, they compliment the music often and many follow along on Spotify.

“I hate it when you guide Triangle pose into Half Moon, it feels terrible!”

This was an angry comment made by an older gentlemen in my first year of teaching at a busy gym. My brainstorm led me to see that this student was not criticizing my transition choices, but he was actually asking for help. I ended up doing a lot of research on assists and spinal lengthening tools.

The next week, I guided this same transition with that student in the room, but I made a point to bring him blocks before we hit Triangle Pose, then I used a very supportive assist I found on YouTube that almost carried him into the next shape. He was so grateful right then and there, big smile and glowing eyes.

He clearly felt heard and supported, and the experience made that entire class smoother for him. Eventually, I went to an Art of Assisting workshop, all because of his comment! So be grateful for all the feedback you get—it allows you to grow, which then nourishes your students’ lives more.

My Mentor Said “Don’t Take It Personally”

Remember, it’s not about you. A yoga class is about the student, not the teacher. Everything that comes up on the mat is theirs, not yours. It is hard to not take any feedback personally unless you understand that the practice is about the student, not the teacher.

There’s an old adage about two men at a river. One is angry, one is smiling. Both are at the same river, on the same day, in the same weather, but both are having different experiences. See, it’s not the river or the breeze that is causing one man’s anger or the other man’s smile—it is their inner experience.

There’s not much you can do about someone else’s inner experience, except to continually better your own teaching skill set so that you can guide them through their experience.

See Both Sides

Sometimes seeing someone else’s point of view can make the world of difference as to how you accept their commentary.

Once you have separated from taking the comment personally, take the time to understand who this person that gave you the feedback is, why they practice and what it is they want, or need from a class. This will help you use the feedback they gave you productively.

For example, if it’s your boss giving you the feedback, what is it they want from your teaching at that gym or studio? Feedback from an employer could actually be helpful in finding or refining your niche. If you hate the idea of adding more conditioning, now you know Power Yoga is not your niche.

It’s likely that your boss’s comments might be brash and flippant because they expect you to be the professional they hired, but they are not attacking you personally—they are trying to grow their business.

Grow From It

On the day that is now known lovingly to me as “the day everyone walked out of class,” I froze up. I heard my mentor repeat the advice listed above in my head and choking back tears I said,

“I hear that many of you are upset that your teacher isn’t here today, and that you’d like to leave. Thank you to anyone who sticks around to practice. Let’s begin in Child’s Pose.”

I like to think I was professional, and it definitely felt as if it saved me some face rather than running from the room crying (which is what I wanted to do!). I felt it asserted a little respect from the remaining students, some of whom are still my students years after the fact.

Later, I would get in my car and cry. I would get to my safe place and write down everything that happened, realizing that there was nothing I could have done differently, and that the entire escapade wasn’t about me at all. I would realize that my mentor was right, and I would promise to always come back to her words whenever someone confronted me in that way.

That day, I learned about how I wanted to teach my students to be accepting of new experiences. This has shaped my teaching profoundly. In fact, I am repeatedly told it is the reason my students love my classes and workshops so much. So I reiterate: Negative feedback is sometimes a bigger blessing then any other form of feedback.

As a result of that awful first day subbing and the criticism I faced, I curled up on my couch with my tea, and I grew as a teacher. Just like you will too.

The post How To Handle Negative Feedback and Criticism As A Yoga Teacher appeared first on DOYOUYOGA.COM.