#i hate my life uuuugh

[copeeum]

what if ........

[rainbowgod666]

Here is a funny 40k shower thought thats actually a headcanon i had for a while

Skarbrand just. Hates. And hes real chill about that

[unopenablebox]

loom angst again sorry

>:( if that louet erica weren't 30cm it would be perfect. i could even go pick it up on the commuter rail line

is it stupid to buy a loom if i'm planning to replace it with the 50cm version of itself, possibly quite soon/as soon as i get frustrated with only making 9" wide fabric. i'd currently be getting a good deal on the loom + stand, but i'd have to resell the loom for pretty close to its original sale price in order to have meaningfully saved money on the accessories it comes with after buying a new one, & i really don't think that's realistic. so i'm going to go with "yes that is dumb" and may just buy a new loom at rhinebeck if no one's selling a table loom near here that i can get to and actually would want

[bibiana112]

I too wish that the medical hack that made me grow up in a purgatory like state of existence would rot in prison Akane was so real for this

[observethewalrus]

whyyyyyyy do I associate my hair so closely with my gender presentation, brain please just let me cut it ffs

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[what3ver]

i just gotta stay awake until my flight at 6am and then drive around LA for a hot sec when I land but after that I can go lay on a beach, eat some oysters and (finally) relax for a minute.

[dross-the-fish]

First of all I just really want to say I absolutely LOVE your art and specially the way you draw Erik, Leroux-Erik my beloved 😭💕

Ok ANYWAY. I saw your posts discussing about Erik and how the Phandom portray him and Raou, and I really want to point out some of my views (in the healthiest and most polite way possible!!!)

I'm not trying to deny Erik's flaws nor that I have an obvious bias since he's my favorite character ever AAAND Raoul is a character I dislike a LOT for multiple reasons lol but, I want to adress that: Erik is a person that endured multiple ways of abuse and humiliation in his life, since he was a child. He has multiple scenes of trauma response and, as you pointed out your post, acts impulsively many times and also shows clear remorse for his actions. What I think separates him from Raoul is (aside from the obvious class diference and the fact that Erik has a whole history of trauma and evidences of mental illness) the fact that Erik learns something from his selfish, self-destructive behaviour. He *had* a chance to end up with Christine if he didn't so shitty with her, and this is very impactful in the end specially because Leroux didn't treat him as a villain who deserved punishment, but as a traumatized AND completely abandoned person who fucked up pretty bad

Obviously, despite my personal beef with Raoul, I don't think he's some sort of abusive devil or any shit like that. I just think Christine would be better at her own. Forgetting Erik's flaws for a minute — Raoul *is* very manipulative, childish and uncaring towards Christine. He, unlike Erik, doesn't learn from his mistakes and presents the same behavior until the end of the story. Idk my girl Christine could be better at her own, single, following her career. The fact that Raoul was born in a rich family in the 19th century and didn't face any of the poberty or struggles that lower-classed people like Daroga, Erik and Christine had also make his character waaaay more difficult to like in my point of view. I'm NOT SAYING THAT "being rich makes you evil" (duh) nor that Erik's actions are ok, just to be clear! It just bothers me how so many people treat Raoul like a saint little puppy and Erik as a monster, like COME ON

Now, back to Erik: I'm not saying you intended to mean that, but I have a huge problem with how part of the Phandom thinks Erik had malicious intentions when approaching Christine, or that his feelings for her are fake. The "Erik knew precisely what he was doing since the start" really makes sense considering how his redemption arc went in the novel. Obviously this changes a lot in many adaptations (for example he's clearly much more self-aware and manipulative in the musical). But Leroux-Erik *genuinely* believed he was doing the right thing. Maybe he had an idea of "uuuugh maybe this is pretty bad maybe i should stop" but the self-destructive-fear-of-abandoment-everything-is-fine voice spoke louder. Let's not forget that what turned Erik into having such a violent mental breakdown was not "Christine doesn't love me and I must punish her" bullshit, it was when he heard her speaking not so many cool things about him and his appearance at his back (NOT BLAMING OR HATING HER, I love Christine, I'm talking about Erik's pov). If Erik didn't love Christine, or if he was a monster, he wouldn't feel any guilty for his actions. The most impactful thing in the ending of POTO is that Erik realized he had treated the woman he loved like trash and even still she showed him the compassion he needed

Ok ending this long ass text, I just wanted to state that I agree with a lot of your points specially how the Phandom tends to summarize everything to black and white even though most of the characters are all morally grey. I wanted people to stop dehumanizing a mentally ill abuse survivor like Erik while also stop hating on a poor woman who never asked to be put into Raoul's or Erik's bullshit lol thanks for having the patience to read, I'm really curious to know what your thoughts about this are 💕💕💕

I appreciate your courtesy, I understand where you are coming from but there are a few points i'm not sure I fully agree with. While it is fair to depict Erik as traumatized or mentally ill, I feel these are ultimately reasons for his behavior, not justifications. I agree that he is a sympathetic character and his story is a tragic one, I also agree that Erik had a great capacity for good under better circumstances. Leroux says "he had a heart that could hold empires but had to content himself with a cellar," or something to that effect and I believe that's true. But some of Erik's behavior cannot be written off as impulse or trauma response. He was still an assassin who built torture chambers and even when no longer in Persia he still had a torture chamber in his home that he made use of. He has enough agency that he can still be held responsible for all of the death and destruction he caused even as we acknowledge that he doesn't enjoy killing and feels remorse. How he deals with his remorse in particular is a bit of a sticking point for me. Erik's consistent ability to willfully "forget" what he does or completely deny the severity of his crimes is very likely a product of guilt but the presence of guilt is not a sign of virtue and after awhile it starts to feel like he is first and foremost dodging accountability. He never feels guilty enough to stop and prefers instead to alleviate his internal discomfort by emotionally distance himself from his actions. I also think it's important to acknowledge that Erik is a villainous character and he is violent with Christine. He does try terrorize her and coerce her into marrying him by threatening to kill her and everyone else. To be honest that's why I like his redemption, because he actually NEEDS to be redeemed. You can't redeem a character that never fell from grace. If we can't hold him accountable for his choices and acknowledge the full harm he did then his redemption is hollow. On the subject of Raoul, Leroux tends to write him as being kind of young and stupid and most of his boorish behavior the product of youthful impulse and the older I get the more I'm inclined to agree. This doesn't make Raoul right or even necessarily likeable but if we're giving Erik grace based on the author's sentiments towards the character we should probably give some to Raoul as well. Ultimately I feel Raoul redeems himself by proving he's willing to die for Christine. He throws himself into mortal peril to save her because he does love her. Yes, he has a lot of privilege compared to other characters and it certainly contributes to him coming off spoiled and bratty at times but at the end of the day he and Christine do love each other and he is who she chose. I'll admit I sometimes feel compelled to defend Raoul even if he's not remotely close to my favorite character just because the fandom tends to over inflate his flaws and hold him to the worst faith interpretation while making every excuse under the sun for Erik. The phandom will go to great lengths to see nuance and humanity in Erik's behavior but not in Raoul's and, while I have my own character preferences and Erik is certainly my favorite by a long shot, I try to be fair and empathetic to ALL the characters in the story, whether I actually like them or not.

[spacegoathours]

got all my zim shit together for zim day 💜✨

forgot the DVDs in the first pics so added them at the end. most of this was obtained since august 2022 when the brainrot settled in, maybe a shirt or two is from 2019 when the movie got me obsessed again. prior to that I owned a bunch more stuff INCLUDING THE DVD HOUSE AND GIR FIGURE…UUUUGH but I went thru a 14-yr phase of hating IZ so… the lesson here is don’t throw shit out even if you think it’s cringe right now, because at some point in your life it meant a lot to you (and might mean a lot to you again)!!

[spirk-trek]

Whether or not Spock gets his memories back is technically up for debate.

But it is also made perfectly clear that on Vulcan Spock was taught What he is (being re-educated), and when as a part of that education he is asked about Who he is he is stumped. And later on, he learns Who he is, and a point is made to allow us to understand that development. Whether Who he is included his memories or not is never perfect clear, and Nimoy did play the character slightly differently because dying would have an impact on him, and he did show that through his performance.

But does he truly know his friends? Yes.

Does he fully understand the depth of the friendship he shares with them? Yes.

Does he feel pain when he hurts them (entirely accidentally)? Absolutely yes, to the extent that 80 years later he is still so wracked with that guilt it influences his actions.

Spock after his rebirth, you could argue, doesn’t remember all of the moments he shared with his friends prior to his death. But his death also allowed him to connect with them in ways that he had never been able to previously.

It’s very very very good, and definitely a subtextual thing (hence it being open for debate), but you can read it in the performances.

And I’d argue that the whole thing makes the Kirk Spock Bones relationship all the more powerful and important

uuuugh see i don't think that's BAD or uninteresting (in fact it's 100% the opposite) but i still just physically recoil that everything with jim and his ENTIRE LIFE ON THE ENTERPRISE become memories he only has through inference and mind melds and whatever else :'( it's good writing! and character development! and i love the cast so much so i know the acting will be perfect, no notes, but i literally feel overwhelmed with grief knowing he becomes someone different essentially living a stranger's life once he comes back :( like it just hurts my heart so much :( and if it's up for interpretation that means he won't have the "oh i remember everything now" moment that my tacky, unelevated, cheesy, campy, childish soul needs if i'm going to be asked to watch spock DIE and come BACK.

like.... jim. sweet baby boy jim. i can't watch him break like that :(

thank you so much for typing this out for me anon!!! it actually did help me understand better and i think made me a little more open to eventually watching them. i'm not hating, not even a little. i could never hate anything about Them <3 this is just me and my autism in full swing lol

[swallowtail-ageha]

Malenia for the ask meme!

Responding to this ask late because i have just come home fjvididksk but its here!!

Favourite thing about them i am so insane about the whole bodily autonomy rights surrounding her. You never had a choice in what you were born as you want to desperately run away from it but your body never belonged to you from day one and in the end you fall to your origins and hurt yourself badly. I also like the whole kindred of rot thing bcs its deeply sad like. They are both victims of it malenia who never wanted to host the rot and to whom the kindreds represent her falling to her worst impulses while the kindreds actively do something that malenia hates not out of malice but because they were born from that. *chefs kiss*

Least favorite thing about them uuuugh i feel like the promised consort battle of aeonia stuff has really cheapened her and the whole conflict and i think her whisper being "miquella awaits thee o promised consort" just sucks

Favorite line My flesh was dull gold...and my blood, rotted.Corpse after corpse, left in my wake...As I awaited... his return.

Its just so *froths at the mouth* it embodies perfectly her feelings about the scarlet rot and the shame that came from actually blooming for the sake of miquella and grappling with the fact that because of it she killed several hundreds of people and i am *aaaagh*

brOTP while i have started to headcanon their dynamic as being incestuous in the last few months, i think her and miquella's story also really works well as just a normal if tragic sibling relationship. I also see well a malenia and godwyn dynamic where well. Ok he wasnt the number one mother and father figure at once but i think he did rly care about her and in my headcanons he did a lot of legwork to include her in activities that she normally wouldn't be able to do by making them more accessible to her disability

OTP Malmiq lol. Its funny because i at first didn't even ship them, but dlc enabled me to ship it out of spite. I just. Really love the whole we are incestuous children of an incestous god angle of it and the fact that they influenced each other's lives and goals and personalities so much

Aside from that, finlenia. Like holy shit i am not normal about it. Imagine just being so loyal to/in love with your military leader you not only accept part of her curse but are also willing to drag her unconsious body for the whole continent in the middle of a civil war just to save her life. Fucking cinematic. Fucking beautiful

nOTP i dont even have anything against the ship per se because i find it really interesting dynamics wise but malenia/radahn has been ruined for me thanks to all the fucking violent rape porn revenge fanart of it

Random headcanon i think that she developed a very marked gallows humour. Like... since her childhood she expected to either die or turn fully into a vessel of rot so after a while she's like "oh well until i fix it i will just Joke About My Missing Limbs" which was very jarring to people who were personally meeting her for the first time

Unpopular opinion idk how unpopular it is but i think her devotion to miquella was. Unhealthy. I do think he loved her wholeheartedly (and didnt charm her opposed to what some people on some website say), and i don't even blame her for being so codependent with him (girl was neglected BADLY), tho

Song i associate with them least a song and more of an ost, but Divine Service from the Lies of P soundtrack! Its very melancholic and full of longing and nostalgy, which just

Favorite picture of them the one in the shaded castle! It is a pretty basic portrait, but the area building up to it is fantastic and elevates it in my mind

[userlando]

okay uuuugh yes but get this: lando is definitely the type of boyfriend who needs to have some kind of contact with you in social settings like these. hand on your hip, arm around your shoulder or pinky hooked into yours as you walk side by side. he's not hugely into in-your-face pda but he wants you to feel safe and needed in subtle ways. and it's just a bonus that he so happens to fucking love having his hands on you, twirling your hair (in a loving and def not obnoxious way) when you're sitting side by side, just stroking one finger over your thigh lovingly. hehe end my life now :)

I’d like to add that he does it just as much for you to feel safe as he does for him to KNOW you’re safe. He hates the thought of losing you in a crowd of fans or paps, he hates the thought of you feeling overwhelmed because of his job. He doesn’t always feel comfortable, but it’s part of his responsibilities as a driver and to an extent he knew what that would look like. You (and by extension his family) didn’t. They’re just there to support him and he never wants that to cause negative feelings. So yes he will alway either have some part of his body touching you or without grabbing reach. And he’ll take the ribbing from the guys (maybe even the press) about being obsessed with you because of that. He’ll be fine with them thinking that’s the reason that he need to have you close.

-💛

absolutely SCREAMING at this, I’m losing my mind. this is so lando coded I cannot express it enough!!!! the way you have a way with words is so beautiful, babe. I’m gonna be thinking of this all day and probably week 😭😭

[mothmvn]

uuuugh intellectual property rant i think about a lot because i can't bear to try the Artist career in current conditions

unfortunately digital media reality interacts really stupid with the concept of "intellectual property"

we can often secretly agree intellectual property is a bad thing because sharing and iterating upon ideas is a good thing, because for eons and eons that's been living creatures' method for moving forward. however, since you cannot actually own a digital or online object (it gets reproduced! that's how it's viewed on a new device! it exists by being copied and re-shared!), the intellectual property becomes the only thing underpinning the collection of pixels produced in digital art shared online

so then generally left-wing people still end up arguing for their inherent, capitalism-given right to restrict access to new or unique ideas. because this is already a system they exploit for money. not necessarily in a malicious way, but like, they have already built their careers on the current legal/tech platform, which depends on the idea that humans are not just legally, but morally wrong to steal and re-publish information. in a world where "information gets duplicated for free for the person to view your work" is the bones of the main communication system. am i going crazy here

idk, like it's difficult for me to even argue that people producing digital items have a property-like right to them. you have a layered PSD or Premiere file or whatever that you don't share (on some level this is "the artwork" in ALL its dimensions), and you share thousands of flat copies you can't claim to own (you hand them over to apps and websites). in practice, you "own" the right to sue someone else, if they use one of the many auto-generated copies in a way you personally dislike (e.g. they earn money that you believe you would have earned otherwise)

which like. that's still not "owning your art", in my understanding. what you "own" is the right to link endlessly multiplying copies to yourself - much like a book author over all copies printed anywhere and everywhere. but book copies are solid objects that can be stolen, at least! this falls apart with e-books just like it falls apart with digital artwork! we're all trying to fake some kind of monetisable scarcity with digital files!! ! am i going crazy here!!!!

(and the only way you can logic your way into scarcity is by believing in your own legally-reinforced superpower of Intellectual Property, an ephemeral flavour you create that no one else has the right to replicate. how recently in history did we invent this authorial overreach vs how long have we been iterating on shit in spite of our friend saying loudly in the background "Hey What the fuck I painted that kind of thing first")

so like, the entire argument put forth by anti-AI digital artists completely falls apart for me if i level with it morally, genuinely

i can't stop mulling this over because i Hate that the premise of "art for fun, for me" as a career, its financial security, is staked on me becoming a digital cop. i dont want to do that! and non-digital materials aren't the medium most actual art Work is done in (because again, that work takes place in the realm where we practise monetising IP & being an e-cop about people re-using my art). so the only role i can see art playing in my life is a hobby.

and i guess on an interpersonal level it sucks that I'm separated from most "real artists" just by this refusal to utilise "IP powers" in real life. refusal to rely on money i "should have earned" from someone else's re-iteration or re-share to a different audience. god just saying that makes me feel nasty - yeah, i the original artist coulda done that hypothetical re-iteration too, but DID I?! isn't that the argument we use to value art - "you coulda done it but DID YOU" ?!

i dont know. am i going crazy here.

[thelittlestspider]

an excerpt from Friend You Can Keep that i wrote in one sitting wherein peter and ash are in their honeymoon phase, and matt extorts johnny in exchange for staying at his place.

“Johnny, I'm not kicking you out, but you have to crash somewhere else for a few days,” said Peter, matter of fact.

“Why?” asked Johnny, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Because if you don't, you won't get any sleep.”

Johnny blinked. Wait a minute. His eyes widened in understanding.

“So you and Ash?”

Peter smiled. “Yeah.”

His eyes were soft and his smile was dopey. Love looked good on him. Johnny was happy for him, even if his heart panged that he wasn't part of it.

“Y'know, if you guys ever need a third…” Johnny waggled his brows. He half-meant it as a joke, but to his surprise, Peter said, “We'd be happy to have you. But I kind of want him to myself for a while.”

“So you're not mad about me and Ash?” Johnny asked cautiously, afraid to upset this moment of gracious maturity from Peter. But like, he had to know everything was cool before he made any moves here. After all, what if Peter woke up tomorrow deciding to be a jealous maniac again? Though that angry stare was pretty sexy…

Peter looked thoughtful. “We talked about it some the other day.” He swished his coffee around. “Ash loves you, I love you.” Johnny's eyes went big with shock.

“You love me?”

“Yeah. I do.”

Tears welled up in Johnny's eyes as he stood up to kiss Peter, laughing with happiness as he wrapped his arms around his best friend. It was a terrible kiss. Mostly because they couldn't stop smiling. But Johnny wouldn't trade it for the world.

“I love you too,” Johnny said against Peter's cheek. “So, so much it's insane. God, I thought I'd never have this.”

“There's some stuff we need to talk about,” interrupted Peter. Uh oh. Johnny frowned. He didn't like the sound of that. That could mean literally anything.

“Like what?”

Play it cool, Johnny.

“Matt,” Peter said simply.

Johnny groaned, rolling his eyes heavenward.

“Oh my God, don't talk to me about Matt. The man's impossible!” Ugh, the nerve of that man, ruining yet another fine moment in Johnny's life. If the guy wasn't so damn miserable right now, Johnny'd curse him.

Why did everything have to come back to Matt? What did Peter see in him? Sure he was older and kind of sexy, and he had the whole Daredevil lawyer thing working for him, but he was also an asshole who wore grandpa sweaters and messed with Johnny every chance he got. It was like being picked on by an 80 year old grandpa in the body of a 38 year old acrobat.

Johnny could light himself on fire, but he was convinced Matt was actually made of hellfire.

“Uuuugh,” groaned Johnny.

“He's not that bad,” argued Peter.

Peter was blinded by love. He didn't know what he was talking about.

“He's insufferable.”

“You're also insufferable,” pointed out Peter, unhelpfully. Johnny glared at him. Peter stared back at him, unmoved. He sipped his coffee.

One, two, three.

“I guess,” Johnny ground out, “I can get along with Matt. For your sake.” Compromise sucked. Compromise was the enemy of the people.

“Good, because your options are your family, Matt, or Clint.”

Johnny's mouth dropped.

“You wouldn't.”

Peter smirked behind his mug.

“I would.”

Evil, sexy bastard. God, Johnny wanted to kill him. Maybe he could get Ash to run interference.

“Ash can't help you out of this.”

Damn it.

Johnny weighed his options. He could go stay with his family for a few days while Peter and Ash went through their honeymoon phase; con, he'd have zero privacy. Option 2: Clint. Natasha was on a job right now, so Clint might be lonely and appreciate the company. Con: Lucky and Liho wouldn't let him sleep.

Wade was out because of Valentine and Vanessa. Shit. Johnny scrunched his face. He was going to have to suck it up and call Matt.

“I take it back. I hate you.”

“Love you,” Peter said, sweetly.

Fuck his stupid life.

…

“Hey Matt,” started Johnny, already feeling awkward about this.

“Hi Johnny,” answered Matt. His voice was smooth and cool like water. Unbothered. Like Johnny calling was something that happened every day and they hadn't been mortal enemies for the past ten years. He was so weird. Johnny hated him.

“So I have a favor to ask,” Johnny inhaled through his nose, bracing himself. “I need to stay at your place for a few days.”

There was perfect silence on the other end. Matt was surprised. Then after a few moments Matt's stupid, smug voice asked, “What's in it for me?”

“Whadda mean, what's in it for you?” Johnny asked, feeling annoyance wash through him. “You want me to clean for you or something?” He didn't think Matt would be enthusiastic about it, but he didn't think Matt would be this much of an asshole about it either.

“You could help Foggy balance the books.”

“But that could take forever!”

“Take it or leave it.”

Ugh.

“Fine.”

“Then you've got a deal.”

“I hate you. Tell Foggy and Kirsten hi for me.”

That stung Matt a bit. He didn't answer. The dial tone sounded.

Wow, he hung up on him. Johnny didn't know what he expected.

[philtstone]

My kingdom for hopeful-verse Miles and Kamala (platonically preferred) - any prompt you want, but I think 43 could be nice?

#43 -- piggy back rides part of this au im like 394834 years late answering this but i do finally have something to offer. what was originally meant to be a touching scene where the gang finally runs into kamala's family ended up as ... this ... because the pacing was a disaster and i couldnt salvage it. hopefully i will eventually write the other thing. thank u to @foolgobi65 and @firstelevens for being good friends and talking me thru some of my "uuuugh i hate writing" moments. we didnt quite make it thru but something definitely was achieved.

They break into Walmart through the smelliest part of the garden center. Miles has to carry Kamala piggy back style to do it, and so almost doesn’t catch AJ when he slips and falls face-first towards a big bag of fertilizer. AJ starts giggling upside down beneath the greenhouse window, one leg held up by last-second webbing and the other gripped in Bucky’s right hand. 

When Miles has pictured post-apocalyptic Walmarts in the past, he’s always imagined them to be abandoned. Like maybe some trashed empty shelves, or flickering lights. Spooky wind blowing through the place. That kind of shit. If they wanted to enter one, they’d break the door down, badass style, with the butt of their cool post-apocalyptic rifle.

Miles played through The Last of Us with Uncle Aaron and only got creeped out like, twice; he knows how this stuff works. 

They’d sneak through the empty place all vigilant (that’s a word Dad loved) and he’d grab all the Tylenols from the top most shelf no one else had reached while Peter or Bucky or Sam kept a careful eye trained on their surroundings, and if bad guys showed up, they’d do badass stuff and then drive away tires screeching in their cool getaway pickup truck.

Miles – who should really know better, given the multiple months of this world he’s lived through by now – thinks the reality of life is exponentially more stupid.

“Exponentially,” recites AJ, who has recovered from his near-fall (though Bucky still looks stressed) and is evidently getting more and more bored of holding tightly onto Aunt Sarah’s hand by the minute. “When somethin’ grows by means of a ma-the-matical component.”

He sing-songs mathematical, though he’s a smart enough kid to keep it all to a whisper. While AJ drags his feet, Aunt Sarah, who has been tense since they stepped foot out of Madame G’s house five hundred cross-country miles ago, and is tenser now post AJ-in-fertilizer disaster,  continues flicking her eyes around sharply. She’s fisted her free hand in her hoodie pocket where Miles knows she keeps her knife. Miles wants to tell her that he’s sure his spidey sense would notice if there were any bad guys behind the ant-be-gone displays, definitely, but a niggling little voice in his own head is also stressed out. 

“Is that right, baby?” she asks in an absent whisper.

“Momma, you gotta tell me if I got exponentially right.”

“You got it right, AJ,” says Miles.

AJ heaves the quietest Loud Sigh Miles has ever heard, “Like, we are exponentially not finding any drugs.”

“Pain medication,” Kamala mutters immediately, from over Miles’s shoulder. She twisted her ankle when they all jumped off the moving train.

… Yeah. Life’s been pretty crazy recently. Miles wonders what Dad would say about it.

“I don’t need drugs.”

“That’s exponentially false,” AJ offers.

“Technically,” agrees Miles, “ibuprofen is a drug.” 

“Um, there’s a total difference between necessary medication and drugs?” 

“Morally?”

“Yes,” Kamala hisses. Then she frowns. “No! Wait, no. Sometimes. Ugh – Miles!”

“You’re the one bein’ a hater,” he says, low voice, grinning. “It’s okay, we’ll steal you Tylenol instead.”

“Good,” she mumbles.

“... Which is also technically a drug –” 

Miles gets the last word before all three of them are quelled by Bucky’s silent raised eyebrow.

The reality of life — so much less cool than Miles’s imagination and video games — is that while the old Roxxon big box by the pier in NOLA had been ransacked and half cleaned out ages before Miles and Peter started sneaking in and out, this place is stocked. 

There’s stuff from the floors to the ceilings, and it’s making Miles a little dizzy with the sensory feedback. 

“Maybe it’s ‘cause we’re almost in Texas,” Kamala whispers wonderingly into his ear, as they peer around a corner at a giant car tire display.

It’s not like there are customers inside or anything, which makes the whole thing stupider. Just a big ass Walmart full of shit being guarded by bad dudes with guns, but just for that, they gotta sneak around.

“B.”

“Hm.”

“You know I don’t like splitting up,” Aunt Sarah’s voice comes out in a tense whisper.

They’re camped by electronics, trying to map their route. Miles can’t sense anyone in the aisles immediately close to them but they can still hear the occasional walkie talkie sound off and the distant opening and closing of the warehouse doors on the other side of the building, where the real action is happening. 

Aunt Sarah’s expressed this sentiment before, twice by now actually. The first time was when the whole idea was introduced. Like, hey, wouldn’t it be easier if we split up, and you guys grabbed groceries and jacked one of the big cargo trucks they’ve got sitting in the back lot with GreatValue: Part of Your Community plastered over the side, while we got Kamala’s pain meds? 

There was a whole thing where everyone argued about who was the best at hotwiring trucks. Peter and Sam eventually won out over Bucky, who Miles has a niggling suspicion wouldn’t have left Aunt Sarah and AJ and Kamala anyway. Ned and MJ are doing groceries, with the help-slash-protection of their new and terrifying Wakandan friend Captain Ayo, who Miles thinks actually probably has great taste in snacks.

“I know,” Bucky says, a very quiet statement out of the side of his mouth. His eyes are on the aisle in front of them, and the giant tire display, but something about the way he says it is like, he gets something Aunt Sarah isn’t saying that none of the rest of them can. Kamala claims they’re madly in love, which she told Miles about in the strictest confidence. Kamala is a big believer in being madly in love. Miles isn’t so sure, but the exchange does remind him of his mom and dad, which is an emotion so strong Miles’s already tripping senses stumble over themselves to cope with it, so he shoves it down and ignores it entirely. 

He focuses on Kamala’s uncomfortable squirming instead. The piggy-back ride is because her ankle hurt too much to walk on, and Miles figures it’s probably really sore by now.

“You okay?” he whispers, just to her.

“Ugh,” she admits. She wouldn’t have said anything like that to the adults, he knows.

“So I shouldn’t put you down?” She’d spent ten minutes arguing that she was too heavy for him, outside.

“I’d have a really bad limp,” she sighs, sounding miserable. Bucky’s still kind of limping too, on account of getting mauled by a giant rat thing. That’s what Sam said, anyway.

“Besties in limping,” Miles says, which is worth it for Kamala’s quiet giggle. Aunt Sarah hears them and reaches out her free hand to rub Kamala’s back.

“Escalator route,” Bucky decides on finally. AJ looks up with large and solemn eyes, hopeful that they’re finally gonna get a move on. “There by the freezers, there are enforcers. We go behind the escalators, we won’t run into anyone.”

Aunt Sarah stares hard at the frozen foods aisle, then at Bucky. “How do we know, behind the escalators –?”

“Miles,” Bucky whispers. It’s so low Miles could pretend not to hear him if he really wanted, which is kind of impressive given that they’re sardined so close together Miles is basically breathing in the poor guy’s ear.

“I don’t sense anyone,” Miles says, maybe a little less confidently than he means. Kamala shifts her hands nervously where they clasp around his neck, and the plastic beads from one of her bracelets dig into his collar bone. He clears his throat. “Remind me again why I couldn’t have just grabbed us this shit on my own and got out?”

“Zappy invisibility doesn’t make up for the power of friendship?” Kamala offers.

Bucky shoots them another look over his shoulder. 

“No. Interstate is on the other side of the lot anyway. Going around would’ve been more dangerous.”

“Dude,” Miles says, “how do you do that. You’re like barely moving your mouth.”

“Uncle B used to be a ninja,” AJ whispers solemnly from the floor, now completely resigned to his boredom.

“It’s ‘cause his mom was from New Jersey,” says Kamala. “Everyone from Jersey has mad skills.”

Bucky makes a face, like, why did I ever tell a bunch of kids about my life. Miles is sympathetic.

“I think being from Jersey should count against you in a court of law,” Miles says. “Anyway, no way, B’s a New Yorker.”

“His energy gives matrilineal skill adoption,” Kamala whispers.

“What’s matrilinear?” asks AJ.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” mutters Bucky.

Miles and Kamala grin; AJ makes a shocked Pikachu face at the cuss.  

Aunt Sarah looks tense again. “James.”

He sighs, recalibrates, turns to her: “We’ll be fine.” The hard staring thing resumes. After a second Bucky’s mouth moves, and this time no sound comes out at all, except it kind of looks like he’s saying honey. At any rate, Aunt Sarah’s expression softens. Miles feels Kamala breathe in sharply and dig her fingers into his shoulder like dude, dude, see?! 

Bucky turns back to look at them and Miles tries to school his expression into something totally chill and not interested in the grown-up drama.

“Clear line of sight. You guys good for the rear?”

Miles puffs his chest out a little. “You kidding? With our combined powers?”

“Me and Miles are like a quadruple threat for government watch lists,” Kamala whispers, a crooked tilt to her grin.

Miles tries very hard not to snort out loud. He makes a dumb choking sound instead; Bucky sighs.

The reality of dystopian Walmarts might suck, but it's kind of nice that he has Kamala around, to make dumb jokes about it with. With that thought, they plow forward, to secure the drugs.

"Pain meds!" Kamala hisses, and Miles grins.

[firecrackerhh]

Uuuugh we’re gonna have to move at the end of March and I HATE MOVING!!! What tf is so wrong with staying in the same place for the rest of your life!?

I just don’t like the hassle, and if we move in with my mom’s boyfriend I’ll never be able to be alone in the house again, I LIKE being alone in the house!

There’s always staying with my grandma but I don’t want her up my ass about every little thing either! Ugh, why can’t I just live by my goddamn self!?

I don’t want to hear any bitching about how loud my massager is or how I need to be quiet at 9 pm or whatever cuz everyone around me is fucking old af, I already have such few joys in my life, like hell am I sacrificing anything.

I’m just so fucking tired of the fact we can’t afford a house, noooo we have to RENT like we’re fucking peasants. Like landlords aren’t all leeches. At least our landlord isn’t a total asshole, but a landlord is still a landlord.

I wish we never had to move in the first place, it’s not like the house from my childhood was a total dump! But noooo we couldn’t AFFORD it, well shit, what the goddamn fuck CAN we afford huh?? Existence itself fucking costs money! From the moment you’re fucking born you come along with a fucking hospital bill!

Stg I’m never gonna be able to live on my own at this rate, god knows I’m fucking incapable of doing shit on my own, I’m so tired of how I’m just pushed and pulled around by the whims of the universe and I have no fucking say in it at all.

Not like the universe gives a fuck what I think, so I guess complaining is a waste of time.

Ugh.