#i hate it when i come home from work and im genuinely tired and my sister calls me lazy

[n3bb9]

I needed to hear this so bad!!! Thank you. Lovely human : )

If you are currently sitting or laying down this moment ask yourself if you are resting or rotting. Change your behavior accordingly

[miyacults]

begging on my hands and knees for a sequel to the daddy gojo fic but w sugu please please please

a/n: my dear nonnie this is less than u actually deserve but i hope it fuels the stsg daddy agenda im pushing here.

violet, blue, green, red to keep me out… i win.

( ft. suguru geto. )

Suguru’s nowhere near salvation—soul too damned to expect something else—yet his heart aches, breaks, and cries blood at the mere thought of not deserving you. He might have made a path down the cursed side of being a Sorcerer with Satoru next to him, making the best of his efforts on keeping you away from that devilish facade of his you haven’t seen yet, and although he’s the one to blame when you finally do, well—he can’t hide anymore. That’s the price that comes with being one of the Strongests.

< part one.

wc: 3k (proofread? probably not)

cw: [ 18+ explicit content minors dni ] technically this is part two of a gojo fic (linked above) but can be read individually so no biggie. fem reader (female bodied). teacher!suguru meaning he did not deflect here okay, we’re living a happy life away from the pain. first one was gojo action so this is for geto action only but poly satosugu is clearly implied, that’s the whole point of this basically hehe. daddy kink and daddy dynamic so be very careful! minimal to no prep. unprotected sex. p in v sex. mentions of blood. mentions of death. these two pamper reader too much so reader’s a little spoiled but in the good way. geto is a sweet pretty much. if i forgot anything to put here lemme know. enjoy! <3~

From time to time, Suguru wonders about his soul in genuine distress. Perhaps out of guilt and worry and only in moments like these—well past midnight with bloodied nuckles and heavy footsteps echoing through thin walls, dragging himself up the stairs of the palatial home he and Satoru bought together, with nothing but a familiar sense of anxiety building in his chest. But it’s not like his personal cup of remorse is filled with all the haunting thoughts of the bad things he has done and seen in his life thanks to his sinister line of work, or as if such awful thoughts could actually pull some strings within his untainted heart—because that’s far from being the case.

It’s just—it’s just who he is. The blessing and the curse of being a Sorcerer, of swallowing venom as a whole to save the lives of those who live an ignorant bliss.

White marble stains in scarlet as he approaches his bedroom in silence, mind reflecting on the fact that things should be good now, that everything’s fine and danger has been erased. Any man in love would have handled the situation in the exact way he did, wouldn’t they? He wonders about this, too, quite frequently, and he hates to admit that the question lingers on his brain for far too long for his own liking. It makes him dread the fact that he’s not doing a good job in taking care of you.

Yet it doesn’t matter, as Suguru already knows the answer better than anyone—and he doesn’t qualify much for the kind-hearted-person term (or so he’s been thinking since the last blossom of his youth and the tragedies that showered his naive teen years catches him off guard). But he really doesn’t want to either, because then that would mean that he can’t successfully protect the thing he cares about the most in the world. And he can’t let that happen.

But the look Satoru shoots at him as soon as he opens his bedroom door and finds him sitting comfortably in the wide couch—awaiting his return, as usual—has him breathing correctly again, mind turning back from unwanted ideas that bother him to no end.

“You got busy tonight, huh,” Satoru murmurs quietly, head lolling to the side while scanning his best friend’s tired figure.

“I took care of the scum,”

“And didn’t invite?”

Suguru’s lips turn into a devious smirk, heavy body finally falling between the many soft pillows his large bed has.

“Princess was so upset, needed you to stay by her side,” he resolves quite calmly, dried blood forcing a horrid contrast to his charming features. “If I’m not there to hold her, then you must,”

There’s a silent warning to his words, and Satoru doesn’t have to make an effort to catch it immediately. He already knows it by heart, he always has—he always will.

“She couldn’t stop crying for over an hour anyway,” he ends up retorting sharply instead, hoarse voice weighing a tone of suppressed anger. “Hope you gave the bastard a merciless death,”

How couldn’t he after what he did to you?

The day had started quiet, tranquil—the week itself abnormally peaceful for them. Maybe it was the fleeing summer coercing the unpleasant job of Sorcerers into days of calm, long work hours slowing down and making them believe they couldn’t relax a little bit. So they decided that it would be a good idea to take you to that new coffee shop in Shinjuku you were dying to go lately. And it was fine, of course, you were incredible happy to be outside the walls of home as you hold hands with both them in a sea of smiley people.

Until it wasn’t.

That desolated look on your face when you found yourself trapped into the arms of some Curse User seeking vengeance towards them—Suguru memorized it, because it caused him some undescribable pain he couldn’t possibly explain even if he tried to. His heart shattered into a million tiny pieces at the sight of gleaming tears drying in your cheeks and the sound of broken sobs, garbled whimpers of their names coming out of parted lips as you held onto nothing for balance, unable to stop yourself from breaking down at the fear, the horror, the trepidation it forced your body into a shock.

He couldn’t prevent what happened after they took you back and he tried to calm you down by placing you in Satoru’s lap, hurriedly murmuring something about making it right. It’s gonna be okay, princess, you’re gonna be okay. He won’t hurt you ever again. I’m here to protect you.

Maybe—just maybe—you heard the strained tone that bathed his words in that moment. And maybe you didn’t understand it right away, or maybe you didn’t want to.

Because Suguru has always been there to make things right, and nothing else has to matter when he and Satoru are there to protect you from the dangers of the world.

Like they have devoted themselves to do.

Suguru doesn’t remember the exact time you came into his life—he doesn’t really care to, because he knows you’ve pretty much always been there. He has no idea where do his memories begin or end at, but the teary-doe look of your face has been plaguing the tissues of his brain for so long now he can’t find himself to remember a time where it hasn’t been there.

He remembers his first day at Jujutsu High, during the spring of him being fifteen and you a little less than that, when he saw you adverting everyone’s gaze as you walked behind your mother (an assistant director, of all things) towards the offices in silence—floral dress wrinkly as you seated in some chair and patiently waited for your mom to finish off her work. No complaints but with a huge pout, bored to death.

He remembers the first time Satoru made you cry by telling you you were a weak nuisance (and how he shortly laughed at that), and he remembers the sickening feeling of nausea that infected his stomach shortly after—and he remembers how it didn’t disappeared until he handed you a beverage from the machines and you smiled at him like none of them ever harmed you in the first place.

He remembers you admiring your mother’s ivory dress the day she married principal Yaga, and he remembers the way he took your hand into his to give you a little bit of courage as you and Satoru walked down the aisle side by side, carrying the rings of the newlyweds.

He remembers the winter of Satoru’s eighteenth birthday, when the white-haired man accidentally dropped a box full of the school’s Christmas decorations over you, making you trip down the stairs and hurt your ankle. He remembers the tears that stained his posh pajama pants when you shouted at him—immediately, instantly—crying out his name and seeking comfort. He also remembers the way Satoru moved around you like a lighting bolt, reaching and lifting you up in his arms before Suguru could arrive. Soothing sweet words into your ear, kissing your cheek as he darted a glare in his direction.

He remembers that they both shared the same thought at that moment, even though it was never vocalized.

He remembers how you have always made him feel this sick—as if you’re infesting his body and refusing to let him cure himself off you at all. He remembers because the feeling doesn’t really stops, never has, probably never will, and he has now grow a little too familiar with the lingering explosion of things that do make him feel alive bubbling in his chest. He’s now used to you setting his soul on fire and making him sick.

But it’s special, nonetheless. A sugary sweet method of inflicting pain—as Satoru likes to say.

Because Suguru Geto is not exactly a good person by his own perspective—but he likes to believe he’s a good man to both you and Satoru, for selfish that could be. The kind of man that puts your safety and well-being on top of anything else, the one that ensures both of your happiness above his own. He’s the type of man that allows some of his darkest desires to die in a fire, following what he believes is the right thing to do.

Suguru’s nowhere near salvation—soul too damned to expect something else—yet his heart aches, breaks, and cries blood at the mere thought of not deserving you. He might have made a path down the cursed side of being a Sorcerer with Satoru next to him, making the best of his efforts on keeping you away from that devilish facade of his you haven’t seen yet, and although he’s the one to blame when you finally do, well—he can’t hide anymore. That’s the price that comes with being one of the Strongests.

“Sugu?”

He can hear it clearly, so vivid and bright and sweet it makes him terribly sick all of a sudden. Singsong and gently voice, coated in saccharine sugar echoing through his ears as the most enthralling tone wraps around his name like a prayer, the deliberately long uttering of ‘Sugu’ forcing the curves of his lips to fall abruptly, his heart stopping without notice and an invisible punch to the guts knocking all the air out of his lungs.

“‘Toru, Daddy, where are you?”

Suguru waits—pretends he doesn’t really care as your footsteps sound closer, closer, closer, and his posture maintains, seemingly calm, apparently unbothered, somewhat bored. But, oh, Satoru knows.

Satoru knows as he sits by his side on the obsidian sectional sofa, with legs crossed and arms splayed over the border, that his best friend’s mind is going on a haze, a brand new sense of anxiety crawling under his skin like a thousand bugs eating him alive. Satoru’s almost certain, he’s sure that if he gets a little closer, the violent sounds of Suguru’s heart pounding in alarming violence against his ribs would cause him physical pain. It puts him on edge; the mere thought of his best friend’s reaction at what’s about to happen now.

If it were him, he wouldn’t care. He hadn’t care in the past, actually. Satoru has always been more than happy to let you near the side of him that glows closer to hell than heaven itself.

But Suguru is different, he thinks.

“She’s supposed to be sleeping,” Suguru stares at him blankly, a hint of irritation in his voice. “It’s long past midnight, and she gets all cranky in the morning every time she stays up,”

“She was sleeping,” Satoru stands up, a sigh sliding past his lips while moving to the bedroom door. “But you already know how she gets if she wakes up for water and is all alone in bed. She gets all needy,”

Suguru raises an eyebrow.

“And who’s fault is that, huh?”

“It’s not polite to finger-point, Suguru.”

Both of them stay silent for a bit, carefully paying attention to your sounds. Suguru tuts his tongue when he hears you calling his name near the bathroom hall.

“I’m too bloodied for her to see me like this,”

“Clearly. Just stay there, lemme—,” Satoru scoffs, opening the door and then closing it behind him swiftly before you can catch a glimpse of the inside. “Oi, sweets, what do you think you’re doing out of bed?”

“But ‘Toru,” you complain in a hushed whine. “You left me alone, you know I don’t like that. It didn’t felt warm anymore,”

Suguru can’t see you—all he has is a muffled sound of your distorted voice, and he swears he knows exactly the way your lips are pushing the loveliest pout to ever exist, the way you’re looking at Satoru through sleepy eyelashes as you put your little complaint out.

And he also knows Satoru might have rolled his eyes playfully at the sight, pulling you closer to steal a kiss from your frowned lips.

“So needy, my baby is so needy,”

“Is Suguru not home yet?” you ask slowly, perhaps setting your groggy eyes into Satoru, staring at him with that enamored look they both know too well.

“Do you want Daddy?”

“Yeah, I do,” you snort.

“I’m your Daddy and I’m home, so,”

“I want both,” you giggle softly, so sweetly Suguru can feel his insides melt at the sound of your bubbling laugh.

He’s sure Satoru has you entangled in a hug, probably sneaking his hands all over your body and tickling your sides to pull a smile.

“Oh, your dumb Daddy, too. Alright. I dunno where he is, sweets,” Satoru states, as if.

“How mean, ‘Toru.”

“Excuse me? What did you just call me?”

“Mean. You’re lying to me.”

Suguru smirks at that. He stands up from the bed and walks towards the door to open it and find you both in the exact position he predicted.

And the look you shoot his way, the frown that forms in your face and your pretty features contract in sudden worry when his frame appears in front of you—it all has his heart pounding like crazy, he feels so loved, he feels so full of you. He feels insatiable.

“Oh,” you let out a little squeal as you shift from Satoru’s embrace and into his, “Sugu, you—”

“Don’t worry much about this, princess,” he mumbles, catching you inside his arms like the world depends on it. “I’m okay.”

But he’s sure you’re crying anyway.

And you don’t even stop to think about the blood. You don’t even care that he reeks of death and violence and Curses as you hold onto him for dear life, with arms that wrap tightly around him and pull him closer, closer, even closer; as lips caress the skin of his neck and little mewls echoe softly against his throat. Pants of I love you, I don’t want anything bad happening to you, I love you, fueling his mind like a bomb ready to launch.

Satoru laughs it off with a devious smile.

“Poor baby, you have her worried sick, Suguru,” he falsely chides. “Guess you gotta make it up to her.”

“Uh-huh,” Suguru nods. “My poor princess, do you want Daddy to make it alright?”

You nod in between heavy breaths, head still buried in his neck. Satoru gives a soft slap to your ass whimsically.

“So needy,” the Strongest murmurs, but he rapidly turns away and aims for the stairs. “I’m gonna go find a snack though, I’m starving. And then I’m gonna prepare a bath so you both can meet me there in a bit,”

Suguru nods.

“Go on. Let me take this princess to bed in the mean time, then we meet you in the bathtub,”

Suguru takes you to his large bed and places you in the middle of many soft pillows cooing in your ear to wash the concern out of you, but you’re reluctant. You cup his face and scan him looking for wounds, soon realizing the ugly streaks of scarlet that stain his face are, in fact, not his. But even then you don’t flinch. Instead, you let your hands wander all over his chest—desperate to pull him into you, to merge your bodies and never letting him go, never separated.

“Oh?” Suguru smiles at your scattered words. There’s still blinks of sleep tugging at your tired eyes, and he can’t help but fondle your face cautiously. “Are we merging with Satoru too, hm?”

You nod, sulky little look fighting sleepiness with all you got.

“Of course, Daddy, always with ‘Toru,”

“That’s right, princess. Always with Satoru,”

You inhale a deep breath. It’s easy for Suguru to notice every little thing about you, so he caught up on your train of thoughts before yourself. You were struggling with some words, biting your lip, eyelashes fluttering, thinking hard about something.

“What is it, baby?” He wonders carefully, hot breath colliding with your face, nose caressing the soft skin of your cheeks as he inhales your scent.

“Did you do a bad thing, Sugu?”

The question lingers on his brain for a few seconds, mind resisting on reflecting such thoughts. Yet his expression doesn’t change, he maintains serenity as the brush of skin above yours doesn’t stop. He holds you like a priced possession, like your mere existence could ever absolve the decaying all Sorcerers are damned to. Like you could kiss him and save him, like you could hug him and guard him—as if you could turn blood into holy water or death into salvation.

Maybe you can.

“Will you still love me if I did?” He asks, not dreading the answer.

“I will never stop loving you, Daddy,”

It ignites his body. Fire burns at his fists and he kisses you deeply, mouths meeting around a new heat, with tongues slipping and teeth clashing desperately. He has no intention of letting you catch a break, mouth falling to your neck where he bites at the sensitive skin and causes you to mewl.

“Ow, Suguru, that’s mean,” you grumble, but you part your bare legs anyway when his hands drop and brush at your thighs.

“Can’t help it, princess,” he press a chaste kiss to your lips once more. “You gonna let me play a little with this pretty pussy, yeah?” The words flee his throat in a raspy tone, and his hands don’t stop. He hikes up that oversized cashmere sweater, that can only belong to Satoru, barely above the line of your lacey black panties, enough for him graze it and get a glimpse of your puffy lips against the fabric, awaiting for him. Suguru traces a finger along your cunt, causing you to shiver at the cold digits. “How gorgeous,”

You pant. “But—The bath, Sugu,”

“He can wait a little,” he says into your mouth “Gonna make you feel really good, princess,” he breathes heavily, rocking his hip a little as a thumb strikes tenderly your cunt through your panties.

And he notices right away—in the way you shiver under his touch when he hovers completely above you, how a breathless sigh escapes past your parted lips and your fists grab a handful of his shoulders to attach yourself onto him and make his bulge nudge your cunt. He repeats the motion a few times, mouth leaving stray kisses in your neck and already throbbing cock humping your covered pussy through his pants.

“Sugu,” you whine at one particularly hard thrust of his hips, involuntary loud moan reverberating from the back of your throat. “‘Toru,”

“Shh, princess,”

Suguru is fast at parting your panties to the side, and he says there’s no need for prepping you tonight, says it’s gonna be real quick so you can both go back to Satoru—with his cock an angry shade of red as its released free from his trousers and it aims for your tiny hole fast, thrusting in one go. You’re whimpering at how fast it happens, cunt burning at the sudden intrusion since he is usually the one that takes his time to properly prep you to take his cock.

You guess he’s feeling off, so you happily comply if that’ll help him.

“Want you, Sugu, I need you,”

“Ah-ah, my good girl,” he grunts lightly, hands steadying you by the ass as he finally bottoms out. “Can you keep doing that for me? Can you be a good girl?”

A loud hiss vibrates through clenched teeth as you wrap your legs around his hips, head nodding many forms of yes as you inch closer to him in distress.

“That’s it baby, take it pretty,”

“H-Hurts a little, Sugu,” you murmur softly, eyes glued to where he’s slowly sliding in and out.

“I know princess,” he pants. “Give it a minute,” He’s practically caging you shortly after, thrusting up roughly as stretched out walls wrap him and suck him deeply. You’re not given a chance to recover or adjust properly, but the burning does start to fade away. Discomfort grows into pleasure and whimpers turn into soft moans as you bury your face on his neck and his hot breath collides sharply against the shell of your ear. “You’re so brave, my good girl. So pretty, my princess,”

You lift your hips to meet his thrusts, dainty fingers digging the flesh of his shoulders when he grunts. And it doesn’t take long for tears to collect in your eyes as heat floods your body once again, the familiar throb of your clit making you aggravate the hump of your hips so your swollen bud finds a little bit of friction. Suguru doesn’t fail to turn you into a needy mess, strong hand coming to cover the cries emitting from your mouth.

Muffled chants of Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, alongside his hoarse grunts and the lewd slap of skin against skin are the only sounds that fly the room when he cums—bruising fingers grasping your flesh harshly as he paints your walls white, and nearly immediately you’re creaming all over the tip of his sensitive cock firmly pressed against your cervix.

“Not leaving you baby,” he pants out. “Not leaving you at all.”

[cl-0v3r]

can I talk about something real quick?

I hate how 99% of arcane fans completely Ignore their favorite character's flaws so much. I know this has been complained about multiple times but i genuinely get so tired of it and physically need to turn off my phone when that happens.

And Im not talking about Jinx, everyone knows she's not a great person, neither am I talking about silco or Sevika or quite literally any of the characters that are placed on the darker shade of grey.

Im talking about characters like Viktor or Mel or Jayce, Vi & Caitlyn aswell, but specifically the first three.

Look, we all know what their intentions are, they only wanted to help, they wanted the best for their cities/family and their goals, but the way they do it is Flawed. The sacrifices and nuance they go through and do just to achieve that specific ideal and goal affects how morally ambiguous or not they are.

What annoys me is that most of these people KNOW, but refuse to accept it and continue bringing down other characters because they refuse to accept there's different opinions over something in the show.

Especially with viktor, he is NAUNCED. He is selfish one way or another, he is willing to destroy himself for the sake of making something too far gone work, and not only did that destroy him, but completely result in the death of Sky. And eventually, that is going to destroy his relationship with Jayce too. He refuses to create weapons even if it means as a tool for self defence because he refuses to accept that zaun is not the most stable in terms of aggression, he got mad at Jayce for calling them dangerous when there was a literal riot on the bridge, a scene playing right infront of his eyes. Again, he is rightful to feel protective of his home, but he is ignorant towards certain things too.

I see so many people ignore viktors flaws and wrong doings, did we forget who he's going to become next season or what?? He literally committed a murder wether he wanted to do it or not. which is lowkey kinda hilarious because I don't see people defending Jayce for murdering that child despite the fact that its equally as wrong as Viktors mishap. He.is.not.flawless.

Mel, oh my god. i love Mel with all my heart, shes my everything, but she is a councilor. yes she's focusing on proving her family wrong, yes she wants to make piltover a better, safer place, and I don't think she's completely ignorant towards the undercity's state, but what has she done about it? Now, its not entirely her fault, I know, its all accumulated from Himerdingers ignorance, but that does not change the fact that she is apart of the same body that kept the undercity in its current state with all its problems for generations. She is a manipulator too, she wants things to go her way, wether it was with good intent or not. She pushed for weapons, YES, as a means of self defense, YES as protection from external threats coming from places other than P&Z, but her mother wasn't completely wrong about how weapons will always be used in every way possible, but she finds it difficult to accept such fact. Not to mention the fact that she literally told a zaunite to create a weapon that would be used against zaun.

So no, her being manipulative is not hot (this literally pisses me off the most) , especially not after that scene with hoskel because she BASICALLY called him stupid and belittled him indirectly. Is it true hes not the smartest? Yeah, did she do it to get him under her palm and ended up using him to do something "Good" in the end? Yeah, Is she good at doing it? Yeah, does she look good while doing it? Yeah, but she looks good ALL THE TIME. Manipulation is not what makes her attractive, its a FLAW, an ugly one. So calling Mel attractive ONLY because she's manipulative is mischaracterization at its finest. And I will bring this point again, separate intention from action.

I don't want to get into more details about mel, I will lose myself, but she is FLAWED, shes morally grey, she isn't perfect, just as the other characters in the whole show.

Jayce, he goes through multiple extreme points during his arc, he's quick to decide on things. At some points it could be a good thing, like how he apologized to viktor for saying harsh words to him. But what his major flaw with this trait is the fact that he goes between violent and peaceful multiple times, figuratively AND literally. He was settled with the fact that he doesn't want to harm zaun, infact, he wanted to help them in the first place, but he got influenced, and ended up resorting to violence, he lost himself, and it ended with the loss of a child's life. He didn't want to make weapons before, got influenced, look where it got him now? He is selfish too, and the list goes on.

Though, Its rare to find people who defend Mel and Jayce in this entire fandom, most of the people I've seen who claim to be fans of them tend to do this all the time smh.

And I just know I will start a war as soon as I open my mouth to talk about Vi & Cait. Which is why I won't because this post is long enough and I want to cover other things.

Please keep in mind that I wrote everything as flatly as possible, so the way you understand the things I say may be different from what I initially thought of, I swear on my life I do not hate these characters, Jayce Mel & Viktor are literally my upmost favorite characters of all time.

This is mostly talking about how sometimes you need to separate the intentions from the actions these characters do, because most of the time, actions speak louder than words.

ALL your favorite characters in Arcane and flawed, they have problems, they aren't perfect. And that's what makes each so special, because it makes you wonder how they will clean their footsteps and deal with those said flaws later if they decide to partake the lighter path, or how they will step deeper into the darker one. And even so, they will still be on the grey scale.

By far, Ekko is the only character closest to white if im being honest, and he still isn't perfect.

Arcane fans need to understand their favorite characters in different points of view, not just from their eyes, even if you agree with their doings and find it right.

One big example that i will bring up again, that scene with Mel, Viktor and Jayce discussing the potential misuse of hextech as Viktor dismantles the bomb. You can understand Viktors point of view, but why not Mels too? (& Vice Versa)

Another is the scene when Vi finally gets to see her sister in episode 5, Caitlyn tagging along with her. You finally get to see powder and Vi reunited, you feel content, and then Jinx comes back and gets angry on why Vi is with an enforcer, which is well within her rights considering how they literally killed countless of zaunites and people, but why not understand from Caitlyns side too? Jinx is a wanted criminal, she'd put a building on fire, killed people in the process, stole volatile items with possibly horrible intentions considering what her crimes are.

ANOTHER is the bridge scene with Jayce and Viktor with the riots, Why the fuck is Jayce calling them dangerous infront of viktor??? Hes well within his rights to be mad! But he isn't WRONG, And jayce is under a lot of stress, and viktor is literally going against him by taking shimmer, and God that list never ends.

Literally almost any other scene.

caitlyn Ekko & Vi , Vi and the Council , Vi and Jayce , Jinx and Vi on episode 9 , Silco and Jayce , Mel and Ambessa , Mel and Viktor, Mel and Jayce in some scenes (like when she put him on the council) , singed and Viktor , etc etc etc

Need i say more??

All of these characters are full of layer upon layer of writing, they're all so well written, their intentions, ideals, morals, are all bricks and pipes of what builds them as characters, but their flaws and nuance is the 'glue' of what keeps them standing too. They may have no choice but to do or say those things that they do or say, because if they don't, they will possibly crumble. But that does not mean it gives them a pass, in the end of the day,, murder is still murder, ignorance is still ignorance, manipulation is still manipulation, and etc. They're not all equally as horrible as the other, but that does not make them better qualities, comparing all these issues/problems and completely siding with one thing because you find A to be less horrible than B is not a good start to understanding Arcane or any show with a similar level of writing to it.

as usual, im sorry for any mistakes or if this is uncollected and full of reptitivness, I don't usually correct my rants or anything because they're like... rants... And im very sorry for nagging about certain things, some points may actually be wrong so please don't feel afraid to give advice or correct me over them NICELY. Other than that its really just my opinion, i just wanted to get the "understand characters from different views" & "sEpEraTe InTentIons FroM ActIons" points across.

[lacucarachapisser]

sad to say i’m already yours colin zabel x gn!reader

a/n : okay omg it’s happening. beware of the cringe conversation and pathetic angst i really wanna punch myself in the face. no warning, this just too rush and lame and pretty basic also apologies if its weird cuz english isn’t my first im so so so so sorry. i just love colin sm. 1k wc.

this wasn’t the first time colin shut one's eyes to your presence. you’ve grown very used to his demanding job that takes energy, time, and even attention, which often makes you feel like you’re just a second priority. or perhaps not even counted. you think these all are pretty normal because colin is a very capable and responsible when it comes to work. and you get it.

you frequently texted him asking if he’s working late again. the dinner you’d prepared often ended up in the fridge. you waited for him with the light of the television or with an open book on your lap, while your eyes close from weariness. alone. his reply always comes with an apology buried in his deep voice. you get it.

sometimes you choose to sleep first, only to be awakened by the creaking of the door. your man, with his tired face, throws himself onto your shared bed.

"rough day?"

colin just nods, burying his face in the pillow with a long sigh.

“wanna talk about it?”

“can’t.”

he clearly didn’t have much contribution for the conversation he’ll just kill it. also, colin would likely act as if you weren’t there, so you just smile at his brief response. you actually not sure if you want to cry or laugh at that. the cases that colin handles are sometimes too horrific to share. besides, they’re confidential. you genuinely respect how dedicated your man is to his job. you get it.

colin turns his head slightly toward you, his eyes half-closed. you move closer, give him a quick kiss on his cheek and say goodnight. colin, already asleep, faster than you thought, doesn’t even flinch, nor does he say it back.

for days, communication between you two hasn’t been that intense— no dinners together, no movie nights like you used to plan on weekends, no dates. when was the last time you became intimate with each other? probably two weeks ago. or three? four? you get it.

“want me to make you some snacks?”

“no, that's okay baby.”

his voice was soft, and somehow, ironically you miss him so bad even though he was right next to you.

“i heard there’s a new coffee shop and they have like bunch of pet inside, interesting 'right?”

"uh-huh"

"yeah they have puppies! i really wanna go there,”

“sure. can we talk later, baby? i’m busy right now.”

although he comes home every day, sleeping in the same bed with you, his presence just clearly made you felt nothing but more alone. it hurts to see him come home every night as if you’re just a place to stay. never home, probably just a hostel. how cruel if he’d forgotten your efforts, how you filled his empty cup after what his ex did to him. you didn’t take the easy route to win him over. or maybe you were never capable to replace her in the first place? where did you went wrong? isn't it ironic to think how heartbreaking and sad that you already belong to him?

that day, he forgot his breakfast, and even the coffee you have made remained untouched. how long this has to continue? you don’t hate him, not for a second. it’s just that your efforts to make him happy always seemed to fail.

“colin, we need to talk.”

“about what?”

it takes courage for you to start this conversation. you’re actually scared to bring it up because colin might think you’re overreacting.

“i always tell myself that you don’t mean to hurt me— which makes it less painful. but you know what? you never really see me.”

you slowly touch his hand, feels the veins through his skin, strong beneath your fingers, firm and solid.

he gives you a crooked smile. “what’s wrong with you? of course i see you,”

“no. i know you’re busy with work, but… col, i’m right here. how long do i have to hold on to this if you keep acting like that? i can’t take it anymore,”

“baby, i have work to do,”

“oh can we talk later? we never really talk later. why can’t you at least recognize my existence that i’m here? talk to me,”

a bitter taste filled your mouth. it hurts to face colin's expression, one that looks disgusted with you—at least, that’s what you think. now he’ll even hate you because you crave his attention.

“okay, i’m sorry i’m always busy, it’s not my fault it takes up a lot of my time as if i have choices. but i promise—“

“no. stop,” you shook your head, protesting with what colin said.

“stop what?”

“you talk to me like i’m stupid. i’m not stupid. i didn’t blame your job, i would never,”

“i know you’re not stupid, but you did blame me for a stupid reason,”

there his classic maneuver. his words seem like a clever observation to shift the blame, but it's all wrong. that’s not the issue, it never was, and you’ve never blamed his job. your eyes start to fill up with tears, and soon they’ll spill over. the lines on colin's face looks vividly serious, gazing you with intense look.

“t-this is why your ex—"

colin’s hand quickly grabs your jaw. it’s not rough, but enough to surprise you and make you stop your sentence. you gasped at his furrowed brows, his expression so tense with his wide-open eyes.

“don’t.”

you immediately regret it. you didn’t mean to brought up his past, you truly didn’t intended to hurt him.

“please, don’t.” his hand is still gripping your jaw, but his fingers start to loosen, and his thumb gently strokes your cheek. your eyes are still locked with him, and then you realize that what you see in colin’s eyes isn’t anger. it was fear.

you throw yourself into his arms, burying your face in the crook of his neck, muttering apologies between soft sobs. colin wraps his arms around you, holding you tight by the waist. he hides his face on your neck, pressing his body into yours with all his strength.

“colin, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry…”

for a moment, he becomes a complete silent. letting you stay in each other’s embrace. then he finally speaks.

“don’t leave me. please, not again.”

[sleepyhutcherson]

wish i wasn’t so tired

on your way back home an argument between you and mike gets heavy when the words “this isn’t love, is it?” slips from one of you.

pairing: mike schmidt x gn!reader

word count: 1.2k

contains: argument, use of y/n, miscommunication, angst, reference to marriage, not a happy ending? boygenius lyrics being referenced </3

a/n: tired of writing fluff (jk i love fluff) but i come from a miserable fandom (before i entered the jhutch one) aaand im so used to writing heavy angst. anyway, i should be working on my request not this but :p

What a perfect scenery to go with the intense argument. the rain angrily hits against the window drowning out any sound with the harshness of it. Unfortunately, not enough to drown your voice nor Mike’s, the rain mimicking the aggression and anger of your voices.

“I don’t remember,” Mike repeats, his hands gripping the steering wheel tight enough his knuckles turned white. He was speeding, trying to get home.

“I just want to know what happened! You came home with your knuckles busted, blood everywhere and you’re suddenly unemployed, and you won’t even tell me what happened?!” You're facing him but his focus is on the road (as it should) and there’s this dull, emotionless expression on his face that makes you feel alone.

He doesn’t say anything and for a moment you think maybe he won’t say anything at all. He continues driving, his gaze fixated on the road while you stare at him feeling so stupid. You close your eyes, wishing you could disappear from this moment. Wishing you could just apologise to him, but you knew better, you had no reason to apologise to him. You were just concerned about him, you just wanted to know why his knuckles were bloody.

You blink when you realise Mike is pulling to the side of the road, putting the car in park.

“This isn’t love, is it?” Mike asks, meeting your eyes now. There’s a sadness to them that you’re familiar with, you see those sad brown eyes whenever he’s overwhelmed, stressed, tired of work, when his aunt calls, when abby ignores him after an argument but never towards you.

And those words. the question. The genuine curiosity to his tone when he asked it.

“W-What?” You stammer, hoping that maybe you misheard him. But you knew you didn’t.

“I mean, all we do is argue.” You sit up straight, turning away from Mike. You stare straight forward, you wish the road wasn’t so empty maybe you could distract yourself by looking for different licences plates.

You swallow, your throat dry suddenly. “Then what is it?” If it’s not love then what it is?

None of you have a response which only makes it worse. You loved mike, you really did, you never doubted that. There was a moment a few months ago where the two of you referenced getting married soon, Mike giddy about proposing, and you were over the moon about the idea.

And now?

Mike loves you, he’s never felt so in love with someone until he met you, never felt more loved by anyone else but you. But recently, his job has been killing him and he’s only worked at it for three days. his sleeping schedule is fucked, he isn’t ever really sleeping like most people do, not in the way that one falls asleep to get rest but in the way that he’s going back to the same dream every night looking for something—or, someone, in his case. His aunt is trying to take custody of Abby and he can’t let that happen but God he’s so fucking scared.

But he won’t say any of this to you. Not about how stressed he’s been, how tired, how scared and sad. Fuck’s sake you don’t even know that he could lose custody of Abby.

“Maybe it isn’t,” You say, not daring to turn to look at Mike. “But can…can I at least pretend that you love me?” Your voice is small, ready to break.

Mike’s brows furrow, he can hear the hurt in your voice. He hates hurting you. He can never just shut the fuck up can he? He didn’t mean to say what he did, he really didn’t. “Y/n, I… I do love you, so, so much.” Mike reaches for you, cupping your face, forcing you to look at him. Your eyes are watery, full of tears that are ready to spill.

“You do love me?” You ask, looking up, your eyes locked with Mike’s. He frowns at your words.

“I’ll always love you. I hate hurting you. I’m so sorry.” He says through a clenched jaw, his words a little sharp layered with a desperation to get you to believe him. He pulls you in, peppering kisses on your face. it’s not enough, he thinks, you deserve so much more than this—than him.

“Then why do you?” You whisper, bringing Mike to halt. He pulls from you, staring at you with the most hurt expression you think you’ve ever seen. “I just…just want to know you—to help you, but you’re always pushing me away.”

He looks down at his bruised knuckles with shame, falling quiet suddenly. You know about his brother, about the entire incident, and about his parents but he never told you just how much it all affected him. how it still affects him.

You place your hand over his, gently rubbing over the healing bruise. They looked nasty even after days, too vicious for Mike. He loves how you touch him, he doesn’t care that his knuckles sting at the touch because he longs for your touch, desperate for it. He becomes more needy for it while you two are arguing, he wishes he could just pull you in while you were biting at each other, wanting nothing more but to be held by you. He would allow you to continue to bite, he wouldn’t mind if you continued to sink your teeth into him; he would take the pain, endure it even…if you just held him.

“I’m sorry,” he manages to say, “I wish I wasn’t so tired...” he exhales, trying to keep his voice steady. “But I’m tired.” It comes out weaker than he hoped, his words falling and breaking.

“oh, Mike,” you sigh, reaching up and now it’s your turn: you cup his face, your other hand reaching up to run it through his curls. “Talk to me. you know that’s what i’m here for.” You keep your tone gentle, stroking his cheek softly with your thumb.

Mike knows this. he knows that if he could talk to anyone that it would definitely be you. He just can’t. he doesn’t understand it either, doesn’t know why he can’t just open up.

He doesn’t want to talk, not really. He doesn’t want you to think he’s broken. he doesn’t want you to know how much of a mess he is, how he thinks his life is slowly falling apart right now. How he might lose custody of his little sister. How he’s looking for his brother in his dreams that are turning into nightmares. How he thinks he may be losing you, too.

“Can we just go home?” He croaks, his eyes welling up with tears. He doesn’t want to cry. He doesn’t want you to see him cry either.

You frown. You just wanted to be there for him, you wish he would let you help him, if that’s too much for him then you’ll sit there and listen. You just wanted to know what was hurting him, who hurt him. God, you just wish you could read his mind.

You frown when he pulls away from you starting up the car. You just wanted to help. You wanted to take whatever struggles he had, most of all you wanted to know what he was struggling with. What was bothering him? If only he talked to you. But clearly he wasn’t going to open up anytime soon.

You force an “okay,” accepting your loss.

[thoughtsforsoob]

Hiiii!This is for your event<3

Soobin + Helping Y/N with maths

Ngl,I thought he was genuinely bad at maths until I saw him help Hyuka with his homework.

I hope that you have a wonderful day/night🤍

a/n: I am so genuinely bad at math (aka: I failed math so miserably both time I have taken it here at university and now have to take it again). I hope this is good. inbox is always open for anything !!

math was genuinely testing you this semester and you hated it so much! you would sit there all night, in front of your computer, searching up videos about concepts you were supposed to learn in class. it's not like you weren't going to class either. you just had the worst math professor in existence! they had no idea what they were doing and when it was time to leave class, everyone just looked so dazed and confused because of the 2 hours of confusion they just faced.

tonight was a whole different beast. you were supposed to memorize the unit circle and things were not making any sense to you. math just seem like a bunch of numbers that had rules with a hundred and one different exceptions. how were you supposed to memorize any of this, let alone apply it to the questions on your homework?

it's currently 12 am and there you are, still at your desk, practically pulling all of the hair fro your scalp. soobin was coming home late so you knew you could get away with staying up late like this. he never let you stay up too late to study, arguing that you needed sleep to even get nay work done.

a few minutes after 12 struck, you were too busy to even heard the bedroom door open, revealing a tired looking soobin. he had showered at the dorm before coming to your apartment for the night. he saw you at your desk and sighed, which snapped you out of your studying. you turn to him and gasp, putting your hands over your chest, "soobin! you scared me! what the hell?" you look back at your computer and notebook, "ugh...this is torture!" soobin put down his things in the corner he always left them at and went straight to your side. "math?" he asked, looking at the screen at your scratch paper. you only nod and drop your head into your hands. he rubs your back gently, "here, why don't you let me help? I know it's against my rules to study this late but let's give it a try." you nod up at him and he smiled, kissing your forehead.

you two had taken this study session to the kitchen, taking a little break to gather some drinks and cook some ramyeon to fuel both your brains for the night ahead. once you both were back at the table, ready to go, soobin too a Quick Look at your assignment. he thought for a second and you both started to get to work. he carefully and thoroughly explained the first problem to you and how he would solve it. he shows you his work and writes down all the steps neatly on a pice of paper. once this problem was solved, he lets you work on the next one, which was much easier because you were able to look at the example problem me made for you and were able to clearly see the steps he took. the smile on your face when you finally understood and got the problem correct was a smile he could never erase from his mind. it made his heart warm.

after your assignment was done and the food and drinks were all gone, it was finally time to get ready for bed. all throughout your skincare routine and brushing your teeth, you thanked soobin for being such. great help. "hey, I thought you said you hated math?" he chuckles, "well, I do but that doesn't mean im not good at it." you sign and rolls your eyes, "we can't all be special like you, big dummy." "hey! I wasn't dumb when I was helping you just a few minutes ago!"

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

bury's tips to ACTUALLY combat writer's block

a lot of the time when you hear writers talk about writers block and what you can do to fight it, the advice that you hear is 'just write'

i took this to be true for a long time, and it's not the worst advice or whatever. at the end of the day anything you want to get done w writing does need to be solved by simply writing. but it took me until i was writing much more regularly to realize that actually thats nonsense

there are totally things you can do to help w writers block! ive been experiencing a bout of it recently, so i thought id share some tips partially to help out those who might read this, and partially to help myself out of that same slump

FEEDING THE MACHINE. in my experience, a lot of the time writers block is less of a blockage getting in the way of a flow of creativity and more like a machine running out of fuel. thoughts, ideas, and emotions CAN come from nowhere, but... usually they are coming from somewhere! i get my worst writers block when i am bored, under-stimulated, or stuck in my real life. try getting out into the world and doing something you don't usually do. this can be wild and exciting, or small and plain. take a different route home than usual, go for a drive somewhere cool, take yourself to a garden, bookstore, museum. if you're stuck at home try a new hobby; draw a weird picture, bake something, bird watch. this is really my top advice for myself at least, and something i have to remind myself when im despairing my own worth and dedication as a writer. you cant pour from an empty cup! you cant make something out of nothing! theres no point scraping yourself dry without trying to fill yourself back up.

FEEDING THE MACHINE... DIFFERENTLY. same principal applies here, but with what stories you are consuming. what actually got me to start writing and posting fic regularly was starting work in publishing that meant i was reading 1-2 books/manuscripts every day. they were often outside my usual reading genres, and sometimes i genuinely hated them... but they were food for the machine. the brain doesn't care if you like books about cows, the brain cares about variety and expanding its horizons. read something new and interesting! try a classic. try getting into queer classics you've never heard of if you're tired of old white men. read a murder mystery or a biography of a cool person or the history of the romance novel or frued's melancholia. try that new fantasy novel youve heard good things about. even if you only end up reading three chapters, thats still something new youre giving your brain. documentaries are also great for this if you're not feeling a new book; sit back and learn something.

CLEAN UP YOUR ENCLOSURE. humans feel yucky when we're in a yucky environment. cleaning is often exhausting and annoying and it sucks, but so is sitting in an environment that makes you feel bad. try clearing off your desk or table. set something nice you like nearby! choose a sunny spot to work in.

TALK YOUR IDEAS OUT. i really struggle with this one, because i dont like bothering people and im really embarrassed about my ideas, especially in the planning stage. it can really help though! try talking to yourself in the shower like you're being interviewed about your work. try going on some chat site, find a stranger to talk to, and infodump until they leave (or stay and you've made a new friend!). ask around for someone who wants to chat ideas; you can share yours, they can share theirs. if you have a loved one who would listen, ask if they would sit down for 45 minutes and let you talk.

LIMIT DISTRACTIONS. this one also sucks but yknow. turn on forest: stay focused. close discord. ask your dog politely to stop barking. get off tumblr and stop writing advice posts about writers block. turn on some ambient music and rain noises or chappell roan's red wine supernova on loop.

may add to this later as i think of others, but the point here is that writer's block isn't laziness and, even if you do in the end just need to write, there are ways to uplift yourself and make doing so more pleasant. these also dont fully apply to what i think the actual cause is of what we often call 'writer's block,' which is just exhaustion and lack of free time; i wouldn't consider that in itself writer's block. these tips are more for when you have that time, or you're making it, but you just cant seem to make it happen.

[tendercoretroglodyke]

weeks ago my roommate confronted me about "this tension" between us that I had truly no idea about until they kinda snapped at me earlier that night, and they told me that an offhand comment I'd made the week before (as well as a few other things I'd said/done from months or years prior) had pissed them off so much and the whole time I had no idea bc i have rsd and have had to learn to compensate by just assuming any kind of standoffishness is bc they're busy or tired or not feeling well. and presumably our talk that night "cleared the air" but now I'm constantly worried they're pissed at me and I don't know it.

like I am genuinely so uncomfortable in my own home now... we made plans to have a follow up talk (at my request) later this week and I want the main gist of the convo to be that I want them to feel loved and appreciated and I want better communication between us but I'm debating whether to bring up the fact I'm so uncomfortable coming home these days that im considering moving out and getting my own apt when our lease is up (several months from now). but i don't want to make myself the center of attention and i don't wanna ambush them with that, esp with their financial issues rn. so i probably won't bring up that possibility rn. but god some nights... like i am genuinely looking up hotel rates just so I can get away for a weekend and not have to be hypervigilant of how much space I'm giving them or what I'm saying around them or whether they're secretly pissed at me or they just have a lot going on.

I've been trying to hide in my room as much as possible without looking like I'm sulking but it's slowly driving me crazy. there was a week leading up to christmas where I was living at the apartment alone which normally to me would mean I was all sad and lonely but um that week turned out to be the best week I'd had all month. and this was the week leading up to my first christmas without my mom. but it felt so good to not be constantly unsure about where i stand with the people in my house (like, both my roommate and their partner, who basically lives here too).

I hate that even for a week I was "the enemy" to the two of them and I didn't know it. I had texted them during that week I didn't know my roommate was pissed at me (i was traveling for Thanksgiving) and saying I missed them and wanted to do a group call that night, and their partner texted in the gc saying roomie was too tired that night and suggested the next night, and i texted again the next night and they were like sorry too tired again. and they p much barely responded to anything I texted that week. and it was bad enough when I thought they were just too busy for me but to know now they were so pissed at me at me they couldn't even speak to me is so upsetting!!

(I guess I've talked about it long enough I should mention what the offhand comment was that pissed them off cos if I dont you'll all think I said something horrendous lmao. basically my roommate slightly exploded something in the microwave and said they'd clean it up that night, the next morning I realized it hadn't been cleaned yet so I texted them a reminder to clean it once I'd left for work. apparently they took it as passive aggressive comment and thought I "thought of them as my maid" esp considering the microwave needed cleaning even before that (i hadn't particularly noticed) and they were ready to text me something really pissed off before their partner stopped them and said they should cool off first. I, on the other hand, fully just meant it as a friendly reminder, coming from the perspective of someone with adhd who frequently forgets to do things I told people I would do, and who appreciates a reminder to do them. If I had KNOWN how the comment was recieved I could have cleared the air rather than let it fester into what I now feel like is a huge cloud of resentment towards me I don't even know how to combat. I also can't even tell what's my rsd anxiety about how they feel about me rn vs what's legitimate anger)

[handoferis]

i have had the most hilarious day

i dropped off my holter monitor and tried to wash off the goop in the bathroom, did not work at all. left with grunge and a weird hickey looking bruise. too obese to button my flannel up. awesome, whatever. i decided to pick up some prescriptions while i was out and about. while i was there i saw my shitty IRL that im tentatively being polite to and her kiddo ran up to me and hugged me <33 oh but anyway she was all like "omg hiii, sorry i havent been in contact ive just been sooo busy. im not mad at you! are you mad at me?" and i just laughed and was like whatever, shit happens dude. like totally not answering her question but willing to just move on. idk i just always laugh when someone genuinely asks "are you mad at me?" or "do you hate me?" it just feels so middle school. i explained my bruise and we had a good laugh, apparently she pulled her shoulder but that's not why she was at the med center, it was for the kiddo. i gave her a couple of muscle relaxers since i JUST got it refilled so fuck it. i wish she would go to an actual doctor though. instead of the ER last week i guess? for a pulled shoulder??? ok .

so me and my MIL finally leave the med center, i bought a preroll at the dispo, i went to gordon food service and bought mochi. boomer MIL went to mcdonalds and decided we need to eat in because she wanted to "make sure they brew a fresh decaf and cook my food to order" (it sounds reasonable but she isnt reasonable about how she asks) and it was insane, the manager was verbally abusing one of his employees. said employee walked out. two customers on two separate occasions started cussing out some of the remaining workers.

finally we go to leave and her car wont start.

MIL is absolutely, and i dont say this lightly, fucking retarded, when it comes to vehicles. She has never changed her oil on any vehicle she has had in the time ive known her. She constantly buys like fucking Temu windshield wipers and then is like "these wipers are fucky sucky" yes Meems its cause you bought it from fuckysucky dot com. Jesus! Ok so

She sat there just trying to start her car over and over again. For like half an hour. No lights would come on, not even flicker. I tried to tell her like hey let's try something else. Do you think she listened to me? No. She is having like 86 panic attacks and listing off every biblical character she can think of while she's trying to start the car over and over. She finally called a family friend and they brought jumper cables.

The battery is in the trunk. The trunk can't be opened because the battery is dead. Could not open the access panel bc it was so awkward to maneuver trying to reach it from the back seat. Family friend googled it and found out theres some battery access nodes under the front hood. and it straight up didnt work. like at all. dashboard lights would flicker on but then right back off. random guy in the parking lot offered 'help' by walking family friend through the steps of what she'd already been doing.

MIL is having a panic attack because the tow truck is going to be $112 and she wants to call "these other cheapy guys in my phone but i cant find it OH OKAY I found it should I call and cancel the other one?" and im like "Meems they are already on the way dont fuckign do that to these people." tow truck pulls up after i finished that sentence. kids stopped playing in the playplace to watch the tow truck lmao.

i finally got home and i was so tired and dehydrated and hungry and my mochi was totally liquid on the inside. god. all i wanted to do was drop off my monitor and go home and play neopets what the fawwwwk

[gayspock]

ok 1 menty b for me

i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .

and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .

or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast

[wayvsphantom]

ok hihihi im home from kcon so i wanna write everything i felt n saw before i forget it lmaoooo

nmixx: honestly super cute!! i didnt know the TWO songs they did but they were fun little summertime bops! i was up and moving for their "the feels" twice cover tho and i thought i was sick of that song shout out to the girlies for performing it really well!

ive: ok i dont know if my section is just women hating or women defending but my whole row sat down for their TWO songs and everyone got on their phones (including me!) instead of watching. I was genuinely upset and angry that the stylists for ive put them (actual minors, actual schoolgirls) in slutty schoolgirl uniforms, furthering the sexualization of minors needlessly and im glad people around me were also not supportive of it. anyway i heard them perform kitch (got literally no love from my section) and love dive (slightly more love from my section) but pls can they get some help im tired of seeing them do an overly sexual love dive dance break in slutty outfits when they are actual minors

cravity: they had good energy! i didnt know their TWO songs but they had good vibes and worked really hard!

taeyong: ok i thought i wasnt gonna vibe w his set but he came onstage and i LOST MY FUCKING MIND!!! like he really just has a star energy on stage it cant be stopped like he was my first ever nct bias and hes everyones bias for a reason!!! also shalala was so fun live the bass shook my bones fr ! taeyong you were great !! he should be really proud of that performance (of his TWO songs)

shownu n hyungwon: ok i did not realize how much i loved them until they performed on stage they were both so fucking good ?? like i fully need a mx tour bc i wanna see them so bad now ?? they peformed those TWO songs w such a fun sexy grown man energy that i was deeply missing lmao 10/10 pls come back to LA

wayv <3: OK U KNOW IM SOFT ON THEM BUT OMG THEY WERE SO FUCKING CRAZY GOOD WEISHENV U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS THEY CAME OUT TO SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAMS I COULDNT BREATHE I WASNT READY AND THEN IT WAS A NEW SONG (that i was not feeling i cant lie) BUT THEN I FOUND OUT IT WAS THE KCON THEME SONG OR WHATEVER so i was able to breathe again.... anyway fake out over they came back later in the night and they WE4RE INSANE!!! LOVE TALK!!! U WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!! EVERYONE KN EW EVERY GODDAMN WORD TO THAT FUCKING SONG!! I was getting teary wayv u r not a flop u are the most famous group in the world!!! xiaojun is unreal pretty btw also yangyang and hendery.... omg TEN!!! TEN IS SO TALENTED AND PRETTY!! also i fully understand the winwin hype now i would die to protect that man ok okokokokokokok INCREDIBLE!!! they also gave us eng ver of phantom she was cute too!! the dance break finale gave me chills omg but i was missing kun :/ wish they couldve at least mentioned him but whatever.... WAYV WORLD TOUR ASAP

taemin <3: honestly the greatest performer ive ever seen live like holy shit thats a once in a lifetime talent right in front of me like yes i am very biased that is my ult right there but like he truly cannot ever be replicated. he came out swinging w advice and the boom that was "NEVER GET THE KEYS TO MY LOCK" the crowd was readdyyyyyyy and after advice this man got a 5min standing ovation every single person there recognized his god given gift to serve and it was incredible to see LITERALLY FUCKING CRAZY AND THEN THIS MAN GETS ON THE GROUND AND WE'RE DOING FUCKING CRIMINAL??? THE SONG THAT MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY?? and he even did the slutty little cuff removing w mouth move and i lost my v oice screaming so hard i feel so lucky to have seen that my life cannot get better anywayyyyyy MOVE!!! WE MOVED!!! HE MOVED THEY MOVED I MOVED WE ALL MOVED!!! THE GIRL THE MYTH THE LEGEND THE MOVEEEEEEEEEEE!!! those hips.......... yeasssss......... !!!!! he was swinging that concave ass like his life depended on it! he was also soooo flustered from everyone going insane like ik he wasnt expecting it taemin you will be famouus for a thousand years babygirl and he said big shinee news coming soon so !!! soooo!!! world tour!!!!

ok i think i hit every group i will unpack the wayv m&g too but i just had to get this all out kcon will pay for their crimes of 2 song every artist like i'll never go to kcon again or recommend it to anyone but i had fun!

[sturniolowrites]

Spider-Man! Ethan x Fem! Reader

✰- “I hope my secret doesn’t change what we have“

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏

The next day

I woke up to my tv. I forgot it had been left on. I look on the news to see a woman being saved from being robbed by… Spider-Man? Since when did spider-man become a real thing?

He was cute nonetheless. I mean who wouldn’t want a Spider-Man kiss from him??

I had already made another friend with a girl from a coffee shop I went to down the street. Her name is Tara. She said I should go to this party with her friend group. She seemed genuinely nice.

I got her number and we started texting. We just clicked, I think we are getting closer now.

Tara🫀: Y/n??

Y/n 💋: Tara??

Tara🫀: are you going to the party I was talking about?

Y/n💋: Maybeee

Tara🫀: cmonnn

Tara🫀: the guy you were talking about is going.

Y/n💋: I TOLD YOU TO NOT TALK ABT IT

Tara🫀: OH CMON

Y/n💋: I guess I’ll go

Tara🫀: LETS GOO, you need me to come pick u up?

Y/n💋: Yeah sure

Tara🫀:I’ll pick you up in a few hours!!

Y/n💋: Mk

I put on a red tight dress and a small black cover over it. I curled my hair as well. I swear if this guy don’t ask me out.

Tara🫀: I’m here

Y/n💋: I’m coming out right now.

Just as I’m walking out of my dorm room I hear a huge bang coming from Ethan’s room. I walk over a knock on the door. “Hey, is everything ok in there?” I asked. “E-ehh- uhm yeah im fine” I could hear Ethan stumble around his dorm.

“Are you sure?” I asked trying to listen for him. “Yeah- I’m judging getting ready for that party” he said. “Oh- uhm, ok, I’ll see you there then” I walked away from the door and go down stairs and to Tara’s car.

“What happened?” Tara ask as I walk in. “Uhm, nothing” I say getting in. “Ok, you ready?” Tara asked, hand on the wheel.

“Yeah, let’s do this” I get in the car and we begin to head to the house where the party would be at.

“I’m so excited!” I state as we get out and held into the party. “Same” Tara says next to me.

I walked in. There was loud music, talking, drinking, everything you would see at a college party. Even making out, god that type of stuff made me feel lonely.

I continued walking through. I finally see Ethan talking to Tara. I walk up to them. “Hey!” I say smiling and dancing. “Hey, Y/n” Ethan smiled turning to me.

“Hey, we were just talking about you, Ethan here-“ Tara was about to finish her sentence when Ethan covered her mouth.

“Stop” he shushed her. “Fine!” She rolled her eyes.

“Uhm- anyways I was meaning to get your number, I noticed we have a few classes together and if we don’t have a partner for a project or anything, then maybe we could work together” Ethan smiled turning back to me.

My heart was pounding as I watched him hand me his phone. “Yeah, sure of course” I grabbed his phone, putting my number in his contacts and then my name.

“Ooo” Tara smiled. “Shut up” I said pushing her playfully.

“Hey guys!!” Mindy and Chad run into us. “Hey” Ethan says. “How are you guys liking the party?” Chad asked. “It’s pretty good” I smiled.

“I need to go find Anika” Mindy says walking away. Tara walked away with Chad, probably to go make out or something.

It was so obvious that those two were in love. I hated it. Not in a jealous way but in the type of “I want that love” way.

I was too lost in thought to notice that Ethan had been staring at me the whole time. “Uhm- Y/n?” He says trying to get my attention.

“Oh- sorry” I smiled looking at him. “It’s cool” he made a boyish smile across his face. “It’s so loud in here” I state as the noise slowly starts to annoy me.

“Wanna go somewhere quiet?” He asked looking at me. “Yeah” I say grabbing his hand and leading him out to the backyard where no one was.

We both sit on the steps leading out to the floor of the yard. “This is better, I’m not use to going to party’s like these.” I say honest.

“Me too” he nods in agreement. “Mhmm, I’m getting tired” I said laying my head down on his shoulder. “You want me to take you home?” He asked.

“Mhm, yeah” I say beginning to get groggy, I rubbed my eyes. He got up and turned to help me up.

He held my shoulders as we walked thought the crowd. I saw Tara. “Let me go tell her where we are going” I say and walk over to her with Ethan close behind.

“Hey Tara we are gonna go back to the dorms. I’m super tired” I say and continue to rub my eyes as the loud music feels my ears.

“Yeah, ok, I’m fine here” Tara nodded. “You sure?” Ethan asked a little worried in case she gets drunk. “No I’m fine, Chad can take me” Tara smiled. Me and Ethan walked out.

We walked to his car. I had butterflies fluttering in my stomach as Ethan opened my door. “Thank you” I smiled at him.

“Anytime” he put on that boyish smile again.

God he was perfect.

“Let’s head home” he says and puts the car into drive before beginning to drive to the dorms.

I slowly began to close my eyes.

Posting part 3 tmr I think. If not the next day :)

[pink-booty-butts]

negative and whiny ramble under the cut, please ignore if you're not comfortable with that!!

ugh ok i really fucking hate talking about my feelings or being negative in general but i've kinda been feeling like this for a while so i feel like i need to just put it out there so i can go back to being happy lmao

highkey I kinda feel like I spend so much time focusing/putting effort into this fandom but idk really if anyone cares about my presence or me in general and it's kinda discouraging. I'm not saying that to ask for sympathy/validation, but rather to express that I'm probs going to only write if someone sends me a request for a while cos putting all this effort into coming up with ideas/writing fics on my own is not really vibing atm, honestly the past few weeks everyday i've just been staring at a blank doc when i get home from work lmao

even though i've mentioned being busy, I kinda have a decent amount of free time to work on fics or chat but it kinda feels like no one really cares, and my perspective is why would I put effort into something if no one cares ya know? bc of that i tend to favor doing or participating in things where i feel more appreciated or seen, like I'd rather focus my energy into other goals or people that do care. whenever I take time to write fics I'm actively pushing those people away or putting less time into other goals i want to achieve in order to do so, and while I do enjoy writing very much there's no need for me to post it on this blog or interact in this fandom if no one cares. if people don't like my work then that's fine, but also there's not really any point in me posting fics or taking time to write if people don't really find my stuff interesting.

i feel really bad for saying this, but sometimes i kinda feel like people only really care about me/what i have to say when im cheering them on or supporting them & their work. of course i genuinely mean all of the things i say when i do that and i dont want people to think i expect the same energy from them because i dont, but when the only response i get from people is related to me doing that it kinda feels like people only care about me being their cheerleader. i've tried telling myself that it's okay to be treated that way bc i do want to encourage everyone, i think everyone in this fandom makes amazing things and has fantastic ideas!! but i think at this point its starting to get to me bc i just don't really feel valued or like people care about the stuff i put out. and if thats the case then i should probably just stick to sending people compliments and reblogging everyone else's work as opposed to putting effort into a space where i am not wanted, bc im tired of constantly feeling like i have to put more and more effort in, berating myself for not being friendly enough or not being positive enough or being too annoying or mean, and then i go back to my coping mechanism of trying to bury all of my negative emotions and be a happy little robot friend to everyone (which i have been trying very hard to not do this past year or so bc it honestly ruined my life)

that being said, as I said earlier I'll write stuff if people send requests but I'm probably not going to post any original fics for a while. I have some stuff I've been wanting to write and a lot of wips so I might come back or post some stuff even if no one sends me any requests, but if i just disappear/ghost then this is probably why haha

[dittolicous]

i think im having my midlife crisis. cuz time is passing so fast and im just... so tired. so tired of spending everyday miserable and stressed and hoping tomorrow will be better, when it never is.

i dont want to have to struggle for another 10 years just to get a simple little home that isnt infested with roaches or has rats in the walls. i want to be able to get up in the morning to drink coffee and watch the news. see kids walking to school. learn to sew. go fishing every now and again. own a car. be able to sleep without fretting over which bill to pay before cutoff.

i. i dont feel like ill ever escape. the community around me doesn't care because im not homeless of suffering enough, because i can still work even if im a husk of a human. because everyone has to work or die. work or die.

ive spent thr last few days pouring over applications, loan possibilities, houses, financial aid, bills, etc. no jobs have reached back to me except scams or ones that are basically downgrades from what i already do. i look and i look and i look, i used that suggested google jobs thing, but all the good jobs are off the island, require 10000 years experience, have no benefits, or are all work that i utterly despise. i dont qualify for loans and make too much for financial aid.

and they always say the same thing. get rid of your pets (as if rehoming is even cheap or easy), get rid of internet, make sacrifises sacrifices and more sacrifices. get up at 4am to wait in food bank lines for old meat, leftover produce, and stale cake. constantly plead to strangers and justify your life. because thats just life! your not allowed to have nice things when youre poor, dont you know? if you do, then thats wasting money and we wont help you. you deserve what you get because happiness comes with money.

i just want out. and i guess jokes on them. if i rehome my pets, well, that would mean id finally be free to off myself. because im sorry to say, but theyre the only thing that holds me back. i hate this world. i wasnt built to survive here. i dont have any passions or drive or... anything.

i dont know why im here. just to suffer and be miserable until im too old and weak to work, to die alibe in a ditch.... i dont have anything worth anything.

and what makes me fucking laugh! is that the last time i went to my psych appointment i was like. i cant do this! im tired of being tired! and they pushed me to try their therapy again and that theyd get a case worker to call me and to think of all things i can change instead of what i cant... i agreed but was open with how i didn't have much faith in the system. how they failed me in the past and that makes me wary.

that was two weeks ago.

case worker never called me. therapist never called me. i cant change anything.

all because of stupid fucking bills and checks and jobs and money because no one deserves to live happy!

ill never escape. ill never have a live worth living. i dont have anyone to go to the movies or amusement parks with, no one who would drop by for coffee and a chat, no one to go to cons with. im just a little icon on a blue website. if i died tomorrow, if my queue ended... no one would mourn me not really. no one would cry. because im just broken and incapable of making genuine connections. id just be another quiet blog, a blip in the radar.

[shoyoist]

im sorry im back so late but MORE POLYSHIP AUSSS

hello again!<3 hehe alright let me think — okay okay so when kisaki and dean get married, it's only a matter of time before kisaki gets tired of the crime life.

he's not about to cut himself off from it, but being chief of staff and having so many responsibilities to bear when he just wants to live the peaceful lil married life of his dreams... it gets hard</3

so he retires!!! hehe he steps down and lets dean take over his roles for him. dean, shuji and i continue working with the gang, and he stays at home.

it takes him only a little while to get used to the househusband lifestyle, and it turns out he's really good at it! cooking, cleaning, sitting pretty and waiting for his partners to come home from work — that's kisaki's thing!

he cooks all our favourite meals for us, and has dinner and baths prepared for us by the time we get home. and he always asks, while collecting our coats and hate, “bath or dinner first?” and shuji is heading into the dining room before he can even finish his sentence 💀

dean and i like to shower first because we're sensible people, but sometimes the stress really gets to them (being chief of staff is hard!) and kisaki guesses which one they'd prefer to have first on those nights, and gently takes them into his arms and leads them to the bath/table. so romantic<33

meanwhile shuji is stealing giant-size bites out of my plate, lifting the plate cover up and sticking a fork into my lasagna 🙄 by the time i get to the table my food is half gone and i just take my seat and stare at shuji like :[ and he's giggling and telling me “sorry darling, i was hungryy” and i let it slide because hey, he's a big man with a big appetite <33

BUT no matter how big of a portion kisaki fixes for him, he just steals my food anyway — his explanation is that food tastes better when it's stolen. idk why i love this man!!

kisaki and i stick up for eachother though, because we need to be there for eachother when we're the sane ones out of the four of us — he whacks shuji up the back of his head with a spoon and tells him “keep up the ungrateful behaviour, and i'll leave your plate empty next time.”

WHICH SADLY, DOES NOT WORK because shuji loves riling me and kisaki up, he thinks we're so hot when we're irritated with him. he's like “if my plate's empty i'll just hafta eat one of you out for dinner~” and kisaki just sighs and shakes his head in defeat.

if i'm still hungry, dean just orders something in from their favourite takeout place, and we eat it without giving shuji any. it's what he deserves!! shuji also has a tendency to take his annoying-ness a little too far sometimes, and it gets dean angry 😭 when he starts crossing the limit, kisaki picks up the spoon and shakes it at him like a warning, and that's shuji's cue to cut it out and back away<3

once kisaki starts staying at home, the time we get to spend with him becomes limited — so movie nights and date nights become a norm. shuji, kisaki and i always have some mystery or thriller movie in mind for the night, but we're ALWAYS vetoed by dean. they want to cuddle up to us and watch weird obscure horror movies in the comfort of our presence, and we go along with it every time 😩

kisaki and i let dean hold our hands and hide in our laps when they get scared, but shuji always makes it worse by making hissy noises or laughing at the jumpscares and saying shit like “hey i could do that. i could hide behind this couch and creep up from behind and have the knife like this—” at that point even kisaki gets freaked out 💀

after scary movie nights, when we finally head to bed kisaki and dean go to sleep sandwiched between me and shuji. dean isn't even that scared anymore, but they like the coddling<3 and kisaki is genuinely a little spooked HAHA so me and shuji act our roles as their protectors and let them sleep safely in the middle of the bed, while we sleep at opposite ends.

PLS i rambled a looot but yes! hehehe that's a little about househusband kisaki + rekha, dean & shuji as his working partners<3

[asstrongasyouthink]

i would like to add onto this that if you have something genuinely in common with conservative david

and this might work a lot better in a place like a neighborhood or a party or a family reunion, rather than an organizing drive

is if he brings up politics or complains about something, agree with him but only so far as you agree with him

example: i am visibly queer and have spent most of my adult life in rural places, working on farms, in warehouses, drinking beer in the back of a pickup, etc etc. so am i going to be making conversation about who i vote for? absolutely not i dont bother looking people up i just vote working families down the ticket. but if someone complains about excessively large government, i can pipe up and say yeah it's terrible the feds are in everyone's business can you believe they're trying to pass laws keeping people from having surgeries their doctors say they need. if they complain about taxes i can say fuck yeah i hate seeing so much of my paycheck going to wars they way they treat those boys* when they come home is criminal. if they talk about the way things used to be you i can talk about what the soil was like before it was depleted and the vegetables got all tasteless. it truly doesnt matter how thin a slice that piece of the venn diagram is, if you can start a conversation from a place of shared values that is so much more likely to be a real conversation and not a lecture. whatever your pet issue is that you see an inroad to agreement on, talk about that

anyway im tiny and effeminate with a full beard and a fat ass and some men wont even look at me in case the faggotry is catching. but i can string fences and train dogs and i like both old time AND heavy metal and some pretty conservative extremely toxically masculine men will adopt me as a little mascot and i can do my little jokes and drink whiskey from the bottle and they'll listen a little bit and they'll be more ready to listen next time

i think a lot this really comes down to "more willing to listen next time." i think a lot of people feel theyve Failed if they cant convince someone in a trump hat that neopronouns are cool and sexy but no one likes to be evangelized to. i think a lot of the polarization comes from the preemptive belief that it will be a lecture or an argument and not a conversation. the way leftists and liberals act like trump voters aren't people doesnt help either. if i go to the grocery store and i look around i see people. broke people. people on their way home from work. tired people. people who don't have the money or energy to look after their kids as well as they'd like. theyre just fucking people.

Activism is not cold-calling.

Activism is not cold-calling, and this is critically important to understand.

I'm seeing a lot of posts on here about 'building bridges' and 'finding community,' and then (extremely valid) response posts saying "BUT HOW??" And I'm going to explain something that can be very counter-intuitive: there is strategy involved in community.

As a longtime volunteer labour organizer, I’ve taken and taught many trainings on the strategy of talking. Something that surprises a lot of people is the very first thing you do in a union campaign. You sit down with your organizing committee, take out pen and paper, and literally map it out. You draw a physical map of the workplace: where are the entrances, exits, break rooms, supervisor offices. Essentially, ‘where is it safe to have a union conversation.’ Then you draw another physical chart of your coworkers. You sort out who is union-friendly, openly hostile to unions, or somewhere in the middle, and then you plan out very deliberately and carefully who talks to whom and in what order.

Consider: If Vocally Leftist Jane walks up to Conservative David and says "hey what do you think about unions," David is going to shut down immediately. He's not inclined to listen to Jane. But if Jane talks to Moderate Jason and brings him into the fold, then Jason is a far more effective strategic choice to talk to David, and David may actually hear him out without an instant reaction.

IMPORTANT CAVEAT: If Conservative David turns out to be Alt-Right David, and could be dangerous to follow organizers, we write him off. We are not trying to reach Alt-Right David. We are trying to reach Conservative David, who may actually be persuaded to find solidarity with other employees as fellow workers. Jason is a safe scout to find out which one he is. It does no one any good if Leftist Jane (or even Moderate Jane who is a visible minority) talks to Alt-Right David and puts herself on his radar. Not only has she done nothing to convince Alt-Right David to join a union - she's probably actively turned him against the idea - but now she's also in danger and the entire campaign is at risk. NOBODY WANTS THIS. Jane was NOT a hero for doing this. The organizing committee was foolish and enacted a terrible strategy to everyone's detriment.

Where you can make a difference is with people who will listen to you. You having a conversation with your well-meaning but clueless Centrist Democrat Auntie, and maybe gently helping her understand some things the media has been glossing over, is way more strategically useful than you marching up to MAGA Neighbour You've Met Once and trying to "build community" or "understand" them. They don't care. They're impervious, dangerous, and cruel. But maybe your beloved auntie will think about what you said, and then talk to her friend Anna who IDs as "fiscally conservative" but didn't vote because she can't bring herself to get on board with Trump. Then perhaps Anna talks to her brother Nic who has MAGA leanings but isn't all the way there yet. Proto-MAGA Nic would not have listened to you, nor would he have listened to Centrist Democrat Auntie, but he might absorb some of what his sister is saying.

This is not a cop-out or an echo chamber. This is you spending your time and energy strategically and safely. You are not a useful activist to anyone if you’re dead. Anyone who is telling you to hurl yourself directly at MAGA assholes like cannon fodder has no understanding of the strategy behind community building, and you should feel comfortable writing them off.

Last point: If you are tired, emotionally devastated, and/or in danger: take a break. This post is for people who would feel better jumping into action, not for people who are too overwhelmed to even think about it right now. You are worth so much even if you’re not actively Doing Activism, and your rest is worth more than “a break period so you can recharge and Do More Activism.” We all deserve the individual dignity of being worthy of comfort, rest & safety just on the basis of being human, outside of whatever we're doing for others' benefit. To deny ourselves that dignity is to devalue ourselves, and that’s the absolute last thing any of us should be doing right now.