#i hate how everything piled up
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I just have 3 more final papers to hand in and theni'm free from this semester 💀
#one of them is already done i just need to review it before submitting and the teacher postponed the due date#the other i have to hand in tomorrow and i didnt even start other than outline it#it's four pages long tho i can power through it#thr last one is a group paper so it's half done already we just need induvidually write out parts#i hate how everything piled up#and i let procrastination take over me#but it's gonna work out i'm sure!
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HELP???
#He chased me through the fucking house#Why don't they just let me leave#What did i do to deserve this#I'm fucking perfect#This isn't how you treat your kids#Ive locked myself in the bedroom and piled up as much heavy shit as i can in front of the door#Trying not to hyperventilate. thinking about bashing his head in with a brick#I hate this fecal fucking man and everything he stands for and everything he's done to my life#I wish he'd never had kids#Or failing that never had me#I didn't ask him to put me on this earth and he somehow still thinks it's his right to own me and the air i breathe#like some kind of indentured maid#all he does is watch football and drink#when he's not fucking installing air conditioners#I hope one falls on his head
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i love yuu
#yuu zola project#zola project#zola project yuu#vocaloid#wip#i know thsi is my millionth wip and i know i have more to finish but..#i drew this while really ill and i can’t help but add more onto him..#i rlly do need to finish everything else tho i have piling up#i finished the kaito art it’s just the others i have..#the miodio zola designs have got me motivated to draw zola project ouurygggg#still hate how i draw side views ugghhhh#srry if u can’t read the text very well#i hope u can tell i love yuu very much by reading the text tho…#if possible..#and i love zola project very much ouuurggg#i have a million head canons im just not sure ppl care so i don’t rlly mention them unless they relate with the art..
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me stop being annoying and weird challenge (level : impossible)
#i hate everything#and i very much dread the time this week will be over and i’ll have to go back to normal classes and such#because then people can see how much of a fraud i am with this chem dispensation thing that it was all just a waste and i’m actually#NOT smart at all even after all those hours off from class to study it. i want to throw up SCREAMS#also there’ll just be other things i miss#like ahshsjsksskw#i regret not pushing that submit button of a chem registration form when i first got into this school#imagine all the things i could’ve gotten if i had just not been too scared to do it#and then besides all that dreaded humiliation i’m also super scared of having to apply to uni next year like 😭#the tags feel soo off topic from the post but it’s not both of them are about piles and piles of regrets 😭#chem tag#nadirants
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the problem is that i have the temperament of a caged animal, but i also have no end goal lol haha isnt that funny. everyone start pointing and laughing already
#i used to be ambitious because i could see myself becoming someone.#im only 20 going on 21 but it feels like i died when i turned 17... i lost everything i used to run towards#and i don't know what to do with myself in the grand scheme of things which is why everything feels pointless in general#but also. if i don't force myself to get up and go through the motions#if i dont even try to push myself past my comfort zone in dose amounts#how will i ever figure out where to go.#it all feels meaningless on a day to day level because i have no goals or ambitions in terms of my entire existence but if i don't DO#anything Now how will i even figure out where to go? what to run towards again?#so i keep going. and it's so exhausting but i keep on fucking going#i hate the part of myself that's so desperate to be seen. why am i so desperate for recognition#it doesnt MEAN anything so many people get recognized and still feel alone and empty#a small tiny example of that: when i won second in a spanish literature competition this February#my prof and head of the department congratulated me and told me they thought i did really well...#my prof even told me she thought i should pursue literature#and i was immensely flattered but it felt fake.#it all felt like lies#i couldn't couldn't feel happy because i was so stuck feeling like an incoherent pile of experiences and emotions#rather than a Person#and because of that i couldn't believe anything nice or real that anyone that was telling me#i don't know what i need anymore. to disappear honestly. i don't think i was meant to be a person#z.post
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I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible
Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen
#sorry i. need to vent#he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen#I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING#and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud#whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud#first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me-#-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything#at least in regards to the house#and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally#in his mid 40's#so.#like.#I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of-#-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15#first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest#he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things#like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible#yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I-#-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever#I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to-#-provoke him more#Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!!#and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!!#Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS#but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy#god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot#I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3#I will say I hate him w my full chest#vent#negative post
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I have made an executive decision.
I am removing tumblr off of my phone.
Amongst other things. Can’t say I’m happy, sad or anything like that cause, well, I don’t have a good understanding of my own emotions. But I know that I am not okay. Like at all. With how i am and how my life is going, I mean. I basically need to get my shit together.
And I believe the first step is logging off. Cause Tumblr is a nice reprieve right, but I’ve reached a stage where I get off of Tumblr to immediately go back on it and that is not good. I’m going to delete it and my only access to tumblr would be through my laptop but ik im too lazy to go onto my laptop to log on to tumblr. Also my laptop is always dead for some reason so there’s also that.
I’m cutting off a lot of stuff, need to touch some grass so to speak. Maybe even go back to my roots. Not everything obviously, I don’t want to accidentally go insane having no sources of serotonin. They say it takes like 66 days to form a habit, well I’m not putting tumblr amongst other things back on my phone until its november/december. There’s too many things I need to tackle and I’m spiralling. I need to take it a day at a time.
So yeah. I guess that means I’m going on a semi-hiatus. I’m trying to be better and trying to stick to things. But in order to do that I really need to minimise distractions. Which is hard. Really hard. I’m cutting myself off from music too. Just so I can stop my brain from distracting myself. Which sucks. But I need to start somewhere right?
In like an hour or so, tumblr will be off my phone and this hiatus will begin. I’ll see ya’ll whenever. Its been fun!
#i gotta try something#im tired of being unable to fix myself#cause the problem is me#i know i always say that i just want to exist#but in hindsight i hate that i always used to say that#cause i dont just want to exist i want to live#and if that means logging off and slowly taking back my life#instead of worrying myself over every possibility because that’s how high everything’s piled up#then so be it#it’s time for me to take control#one day at a time
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HjhxhxjsnxjKqs
#/distraught#god i had everything organized the way it NEEDED to be for my own thought process#sure the middle part was messy and chaotic but that was how it was SUPPOSED to be. the pages i actually needed were fine#thats literally the point. thats literally how i fucking need things to be arranged to process it the way i needed things to be processed#it wasnt interfering with anyone else and maybe i lose one or two papers every now and then but it worked for me 9 times out of 10#there wasnt any reason or need to make me pull everything out#then sort them into stupid piles AFTER i told you countless times that that would be a terrible fucking idea and that everything was fine#only to THEN back out AFTER ive done all the reorganizing bullshit you told me to and get pissy at me when it DOESNT WORK like i said#and then expect me to be able to rearrange everything the way i had it before when you already ruined the way i was able to remember-#-which papers went where by making me throw them all into those dumb piles in the first place#like. god. how fucking tone deaf are you??? i had everything fine and i cant rearrange shit back to how it was because you already#fucked up my only way of figuring that out. i hate you so much sometimes.#sorry for the venting on main but im so. hhh. overwhelmed i guess?#aagh#kills neurotypical people who think they know what neurodivergent people need better than neurodivergent people with fire
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me thinking about how much i would hate the logistics of moving again vs me deciding the next day to swap bedrooms within my own house..... for my benefit (better bathroom mostly) but at what cost to my sanity in the process...
fortunately my clothes are mostly in laundry baskets so i'll get to skip the step of getting them out of proper storage and go directly to finding them a home in the new room... and until then i get a new room with a laundry basket covered floor! because the swap is happening on hair day and i can't do both... hate it here
#i fear there are nonsense complaints in here if ur not in my brain but i needed to get this out i think#i love my mom the absolute most but her insistence that part of this process might be a crutch since i've had so many baskets of laundry not#put away for months bc my contamination ofd or whatever hates my old clothing storage system and i haven't finalized a new one that fits#everything and even if i had i so rarely have the energy to put it all awat...admittedly ive barely had a room empty of baskets since spring#... where was i? oh it is so hard to get her to understand my reasoning in all this but i get that any time i spend not getting things#properly sorted out=time she spends being inconvenienced and it's hard in her position to balance btwn being understanding and enabling....#ok that's enough of that! time to eat my trail mix and grapes. and get some sleep! failed miserably last night.#god i am now being asked when i'll need the currently shared bathroom (answer is same time as you! how does this always happen) and i realiz#even though in this moment it's piling onto my overwhelm i am in the process if solving this!! the swap will mean i get almost exclusive#access to the other bathroom and mom will have to share this one <3 it has been 9 years of this sharing drama bc we had it at the last house#too. im so ready to be freeeeee#ok ramble over no more tumblr tonight only ig story catch up and sleeeep. well...also online shopping (coping mechanism im sure) and naddpod#(likely the same but a better one)#vie#if anyone read all this im sorry and ily for caring enough to
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i ran out of tags on that post oops.
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#but yeah i have a lot of Thoughts on the way monprom specifically decided to treat miranda#especially in comparison to how and where it excuses other characters like vera and damien#and the WEIRD way it falls on the sword to defend other merkingdom royals#insisting how much would be fixed if Miranda Herself just changed#and refusing to not critique the actual PROBLEM here#and being. kind of ableist about it too????#which always happens with this hyper individualized ''everyone has to do everything for themselves and never rely on anyone else'' Thing#because what happens when you sincerely cant do that. what happens when you cant tell if someone ''really'' needs something like that#miranda often literally cant walk on days because of pain and needs to be moved around by other people.#in a way that onlookers might neither recognize nor understand.#and ignoring that is not at all helping the situation and just making it worse#by providing no other avenues by which this need can be met#and not actually critiquing whats going on for the right reason and thus never addressing the problem#its just! its a pile of shit!#its a pile of shit and i hate how people hyperfocus on miranda for it but ignore the ways vera is INCREDIBLY hypocritical#because vera makes them feel good. they get to praise her for being a girlboss and then never look twice.#damiens role as rich prince NEVER gets fully critiqued or even brought up#beyond a halfhearted ''he can do whatever he wants when he grows up!'' that doesnt actually address anything#its basically entirely ignored and his position and placement within the system is treated as unimportant#it just frustrates me
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hhhhhhhhhhhh
#failed a test a huge amount#waiting for resylts to come back but knowing theyre gonna also be a fail#failing 4/5 classes im taking rn#dedicating almost all my time to classes but i still have to do the internship bullshit my dads having me do#i get that its a great opportunity for me and that he needs it done but i literally dont even have time for my hw or studying for tests#and i cant quit cause i already tried and it doesnt matter and i live here and im failing my classes and i dont even want to take these#classes i dont even really eant to be an engineer i hate that im failung these classes#i dont even need to take one of them to graduate my dad wanted me to take it cause he said so and its not required and it adds to the pile#of shit i dont eant to do but am forced to do but am failing at even though im putting literally as much time as i can into it#and i feel like i never have time to draw or read and yet im still a failure#i hate hate hate hate tvat im putting all this effort in and still failing#i am not a good test taker abd its annoying and frustratign when im tutoring my classmates with hw and they get better twst scores than me#and im failing class HAVE I MENTIONED IM FAILLING NEARLY ALL MY CLASSES#I HATE THIS#i knew id fail too ive always had this problem and i told them that i wouldnt have time if i took this many classes and you know what hesaid#???? that id be FINE and that in GROWN UP and maybe if i didnt have his BULLSHIT internship id be fine and maybe if i wasnt asked to tutor#so many people id be able to focus on my own hw and maybe if i was better at sleep and better at doing things instead of scrolling tumblr or#staring at literally nothing#i hate everything#i dont knkw how to fix this
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Guess who’s struggling mentally because of their parents? :D
#personal#my mom this time#my parents have a knack for being completely normal and then taking a hard turn into judgment town#because it really does come out of nowhere when they start dissecting everything that’s wrong with their kids#and then of course they’ll get mad when we don’t like that and make it clear that we won’t stand for it#my mom: fine if you wanna struggle with your bad decisions then do what you want! we only wanted to help!#me: you literally suggested things that would’ve either made my situation worse or worsened someone else#I don’t want to give details but it’s stuff regarding my financial troubles#I’m not in as rough a spot now as I was a couple months ago#but it’s still not an easy time trying to crawl back up with the money I’ve managed to save#and my mom is under the impression that I don’t care and am only making things worse for myself all the time#(so is my dad but he didn’t text me out of the blue to tell me that today)#(he prefers to tell me in person)#hypocritical for a woman who only makes bad financial decisions and is in piles of credit card debt#like the call is coming from inside the house#I’m lucky I have my partner who’s been supportive through my struggle and of course for helping me get out of my parents’ house#but god I hate how they worm their way back into my brain so easily#make me second guess myself constantly and make me dislike every part of me#I’ll be fine in a few hours#tomorrow at the latest#just needed to vent#I know I’ll be okay#just gonna be not okay for a bit
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MUSE [L.H.]
Logan Howlett x reader



summary: Logan would never admit it to anyone, but over the course of his long life he has attempted to draw maybe once or twice. He hasn’t done it in years, maybe even decades, but he’s struck by inspiration when he meets you. Of course, no one can know that Wolverine draws, so he does it in the dead of night, sliding anonymous envelopes with the finished drawings of you under your door. When he sees how much you love them, he wonders if you could also love the person behind them.
warnings: smut 18+ but with an actual plot for once (brief m masturbation, oral f and m rec, unprotected piv sex, kind of accidental (but consensual obv) facial; pet names: bub, baby, good girl, princess), soft!Logan but he won’t admit it, also soft!reader, fluff (although the summary makes it sounds a bit more dramatic than it is tbh), implication that reader has curly hair, implied mutant/X-men!reader, (obviously the pic doesn’t represent the envelopes Logan uses lol he’s not doing all that)
word count: 7.3k
also i feel the need to say something about the fact that it’s Hugh Jackman’s birthday today lol so uh thanks for being huge jacked man and for giving us our Logan yay <3 | gorgeous divider by @plutism
It’s everything Logan is the opposite of – he would never tell a soul – but over the course of his long life, Logan has attempted to draw maybe once or twice. It’s not really him, but he did have a phase or two.
When he meets you, he hasn’t even thought of picking up a pencil in years. Ever since you’ve been at the mansion though, Logan’s fingertips twitch with the urge to start sketching your features every time he’s with you. It gets hard to ignore after a few days.
He waits until he’s known you a few weeks, there’s no way in hell he’d ask if he could draw you. He’d probably embarrass you by asking, and embarrass himself by admitting he’s into fucking art. That’s not him.
Except, well, sometimes it is, when he’s inspired. And you’re nothing if not inspiring.
He gives in to the urge to get out pencil and paper again, waiting until everyone else has gone to sleep. The first few drawings are shit, he feels like they’re almost an insult to you. It’s not that he’s accidentally drawing you ugly, it just doesn’t look like you. So he practises.
Logan Howlett sits down at night to practise drawing.
He picks out a few other things to draw then, to ease the pressure that comes with drawing the woman he… is friends with. Yeah, you’re a friend. And he totally knows that you’d never go for someone as rugged as him, that’s for sure. You deserve much more. So much more.
But after a few nights he feels more confident in his drawing skills again, but still, as much as he can picture you in his mind – he can do that absolutely perfectly – he’s not too sure he could really draw you accurately.
So he gets Rogue to show him how goddamn fucking Instagram works so that he can look at some of your pictures and use them as a model.
He doesn’t know what you’re doing to him; you’ve got him using social media.
He can’t believe it, but the first time he seriously attempts to draw you, it’s perfect. It’s a small drawing, not even as big as his palm, capturing your gorgeous face. He thinks of adding another few lines to your eyebrows, or to your hair or another small one to the outline of your lips, but he doesn’t want to mess with it.
Logan hates how drawing makes him overthink, but he loves how it feels to create something other than violence with his hands for once – something that may even be the opposite.
He hides the drawing in between the pages of a book, and hides the book under a pile of random clutter on his desk that not even he would normally spare a glance at. But when he lies down to go to sleep, he gets all the stuff out again and gets out the drawing. He wants to see it again. And he can’t leave it there anyway, what if the pressure from all the items on top of it smudges it?
But he doesn’t know what else to do with it. He can’t really have a drawing of you sitting in his room. What if someone sees? Then what is he gonna do with it instead?
He finally lets himself think the thought that’s politely been waiting to be allowed into his brain from the moment he decided he might take up drawing again.
He could give it to you.
Logan knows his drawing isn’t objectively a masterpiece, but if he’s proud of it he has to acknowledge that that probably means it’s at least decent. And you’re definitely the type of person to appreciate something like this. It’s weird admitting to himself that he’s even proud of what he’s drawn; he’s done so much in this world, who cares about a little drawing?
The only thing is that Logan isn’t sure if he’s ready for anyone to see this side of him. To see the side that has him staying up until 3AM to finely trace the lines of someone’s eyelashes and cheekbones and lips, the side that makes him feel calm inside.
He knows it’s stupid to hide but he just can’t. He decides he’ll leave the drawing in your room in an envelope, maybe a pink one to show you it’s not a creepy threat but meant as a sign of adoration, from someone who couldn’t resist but try to recreate your beauty. He won’t write his name on it, he just wants you to have it.
Sappy motherfucker.
He puts the small drawing back into the book and carefully pushes it between his mattress and the bedframe to protect it during the night. God, who even is he – protecting a tiny piece of paper? He groans at himself as he turns around to go to sleep.
He dreams of making a thousand drawings of you, with you as his live model. His muse.
You’re his girlfriend in his dream, he thinks.
He’s sitting in a chair in your room, drawing you as you tell him about your day. You’re lying on your bed on your tummy, elbows propped up to support your head. You’re gently kicking your feet in the air behind you, wearing nothing but a t-shirt of Logan’s, some silly graphic socks, panties with little cherries on them, and a bright, bashful smile as Logan attempts to capture your glowing features in a sketch block he’s dedicated to drawings of you.
He wakes up with morning wood.
Logan is no stranger to jerking off with you on his mind, so he spits in his hand and slips it beneath his boxers, stroking himself as he thinks of you. He imagines you on top of him as he jerks his cock, imagines you under him, or with your legs around his head, or you between his knees on the floor. He cums quickly and hard, leaving his boxers wet and sticky.
He goes for a run after he’s dealt with it and picks up an envelope on his way. He’s doubting himself but he knows he has to just do it. He’d doubt himself even more if he pussied out – a grown man who can’t even slide an envelope under someone’s door.
So Logan mans up and, like an idiot, kisses the fucking drawing before he puts it into the envelope. He licks the edges of it to close it and writes your name in the most anonymous handwriting he can muster and adds a little heart.
It’s soo stupid.
He makes sure no one is anywhere near your bedroom, walks up to your door, and slides the envelope underneath. Except he didn’t check if you were in your room. As soon as the envelope disappears beneath your door, he hears a short creak from your bed and your soft footsteps.
He hears the small and adorable noise of curiosity you let out – a confused hm? – and then he quickly and quietly makes his way down the hallway. He hears your voice about ten seconds later, an intrigued hello? as you open the door, but you don’t investigate further, closing the door behind you.
Logan’s heart is beating so fast. He’s never doing this shit again.
He’s antsy all day, waiting for some type of reaction from you. Except you don’t know that the drawing is from him so he’s probably not even getting one, and he can’t conspicuously come to your room the same day you receive an anonymous drawing of yourself.
It’s also when the insecurity settles in. Maybe he should have added a few more lines or started the entire drawing anew. Who does he think he is pretending to be an artist?
He shakes those thoughts off as he starts training with the punching bag in the gym. It’s not something that he necessarily needs to train, but it gets rid of some of that pointless energy. This isn’t him, worried about some lines he drew on a piece of paper – a scrap of a paper, really. Who cares about something like that? Certainly not him.
He sleeps dreamlessly and wakes up the next day disappointed that he didn’t get to dream about being your boyfriend again. God, what are you doing to him? Making him think about being boyfriend and girlfriend. He’s pathetic. You’re a friend and nothing more, and that’s fine. You probably don’t like him like that and he can deal with that.
-
He’s not even thinking of the drawing anymore, truly, when he walks into the kitchen the next morning. It only comes to mind when he sees you, alone in the kitchen, leaning over the counter to scroll on your phone, your weird green coffee (“it’s Matcha, Logan”) next to you as you stir it mindlessly with a metal straw.
“Hi,” you look up with one of those sweet smiles of yours, but redirect your attention to your phone.
At least you don’t immediately say something like hey, you know that drawing you slid under my door? It was so ugly I threw it away. Since when do you even draw?
Not that he was worried you would or anything. He hasn’t been thinking about it. Obviously. Why would he? And he knows you would never expect that it’s him; that’s the only reason he did it. He never would have given you the drawing if he thought you could have even the slightest inkling that Logan would be someone who draws. But he still wants to know what you think of it.
“You want some toast too?” You ask, putting your phone down and turning to get some bread. He sits down at the other side of the kitchen counter and as his eyes flicker to your green drink (he still doesn’t get it), he sees it.
“Is that–” my drawing, he almost said, “What is that?” He pretends to be confused, drawing his eyebrows together, trying his best to look inquisitive, “No toast by the way, thanks.”
You have one of those clear phone cases, filled with a bunch of tiny pictures and stickers (and is that your credit card?). But wedged in front of all of those is Logan’s drawing.
“Did you draw it?” He asks.
You turn around, giggling, “No, I don’t draw. And anyway, I wouldn’t be drawing pictures of myself. I got it in an envelope under my door yesterday, photocopied it because I was scared it would bend in my phone case. I don’t know who drew it.”
“Secret admirer?”
Smiling, you say, “I don’t know. I won’t get my hopes up. But the person must definitely be fond of me to draw me like that.”
“Like what?” He asks, unsure if he’s about to be offended.
“I don’t know, just, so beautiful. I’m not saying I’m not pretty or anything, but this looks… I don’t look like that. I wish I did. I can’t believe someone actually sees me like that. It’s stupid but I….” You trail off and, conveniently, the toast is done at the same time and you move on to that.
But Logan won’t let you, “What’s stupid?”
You turn towards him with a shy smile, “I’m embarrassed.”
Logan stays silent. He can’t seem too pushy and draw attention to himself, but his silence makes you confess.
“I cried when I first saw it yesterday. It’s one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten. And it’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever received, for someone to perceive me in such an artistic way.”
Logan makes a noise of satisfaction and smiles, asking you to pass your phone so he can look at it more – pretending it’s his first time seeing it. If you think that way about it, maybe the three more lines he was going to add aren’t that important after all.
The problem is that it makes him want to draw more, his stupid heart melting at your reaction to something he made– no, created.
-
After a week, he figures he has to give in. Drawing another picture of you is on his mind twenty-four seven.
It doesn’t help that he still catches you staring at the copy of it in your phone case lovingly more than once a day and you’ve put the original drawing in a special little frame on your nightstand. He thinks he’s sappy for drawing it but he doesn’t think the same of you for enjoying the drawing.
This is for you. It’s not about him. He’s not an artist or anything like that, he’s just doing something kind for someone he cares about (which is honestly sappy enough but he tries to ignore that). He’s usually more of a silent carer but maybe that’s why he likes this. He’s not making it a grand gesture, not making it a thing that he’s the one drawing for you. It’s just for you to enjoy.
He’ll just make this second drawing and silently put it in your room, and he’s the last person you’ll suspect.
But of course now that he knows it means something to you, he can’t get anything right. He draws your hair too curly, then not curly enough. He draws your nose too big, then too small. Your eyes end up crooked. He can’t erase too much because it’ll look sloppy, so even the drawing he gets almost perfect, he ruins with a few final additions at the end.
It takes him an entire month for the next drawing, and it feels more like him that it’s been making him so angry that he couldn’t get it right at first. Maybe he had the wrong picture of artists. They’re always talking about pain, aren’t they, and that’s what he experiences too (over a drawing. Who is he?).
He takes another few days to keep track of your routine, to monitor when you’ll be in your room. He can’t have it be as close as last time.
He ends up doing it in the evening. There’s a time after dinner when most of the team stays together to watch tv, just talk, or play some games. It’s normal for some of you to wander off, come back or stick around a bit longer. It won’t be suspicious if he leaves for a few minutes and comes back.
Logan wants nothing more than to follow you when you say that you’re going to your room for the night; he wants to see your reaction. But he can’t. All he can do is go up to his own bedroom fifteen minutes later, lingering in the hallway longer than he needs to.
Just as he’s about to give up and go to sleep, you walk down the hallway, coming back from the bathroom.
“Logan!” you call all excitedly when you see him, and his heart skips a beat. Do you know the drawing is from him?
“Look,” you take his arm and pull him to your room, “I got another drawing!”
He breathes out in relief; you don’t know it’s from him. He smiles when you hold up the drawing, already framed.
“Were you expecting to get another drawing?” he teases.
“Noo, but the frames came in a pack of two. Isn’t it gorgeous?”
Logan looks at how your eyes sparkle, how proudly you’re showing him this drawing. All the work he put into it was definitely worth it. It’s another picture of your face, this time from a new angle, and with your hair styled differently, curls coiled another way from last time.
Logan clears his throat, remembering to keep up his act. “It looks good.”
“Good?” you take the frame from his hands defensively, “It’s beautiful.”
He chuckles, “Sorry, I don’t know much about this type of thing. It is beautiful though.” He’s looking at you instead of his drawing.
“It is. And you don’t have to know much about art or drawing to see how pretty this is. I still can’t believe someone would take the time to make these for me.”
Logan remains silent instead of saying what he wants to tell you. Of course he would take that time for you – and you don’t even know how much time it really took him. If there’s someone who’s worth it, it’s you.
Seeing your pleased smile at something he made for you, he decides he’s never going to stop drawing you.
-
He’s on a roll for some time. He’s better at drawing again now that he’s getting in practice, and he makes five drawings of you within the next weeks. Logan watches the collection of them on your nightstand grow fuller, along with your smile that somehow gets bigger every time you tell him about a new drawing.
It’s a wonder you haven’t caught on yet, but you don’t seem particularly interested in snooping around to find out who it is. You respect the person’s privacy, but you’ve confessed to him that you’d still love to know.
“I won’t try to find out who it is. I won’t push it if they don’t want me to know… but, I mean, anyone would want to know, wouldn’t they?”
You’ve adopted the nickname of ‘secret admirer’ for this mysterious ‘they’, after Logan used the term about ten times. You were reluctant at first, because the person isn’t calling themself a secret admirer – you’d just be putting words in their mouth. But after seeing how much more beautiful the drawings get each time, you’ve accepted and admitted that, okay, yes, the person must be an admirer.
Your secret admirer Logan is particularly proud of his latest drawing, excited to bring it up to your room tonight.
But this time he’s sloppy. He’s stayed for a few post-dinner card games with the team, and it’s risky, because you’ve been saying that it’s your last game for the last two rounds. But he also knows that you always say that, and never mean it.
Logan gets up to leave, and he hears Scott convincing you to play just one more round.
It’s stupid, really, risking it like that. Even if he’s gone from your room in time before you come upstairs, you could easily guess that it’s Logan. He’s the first one leaving the round tonight, so your first assumption could be that it was him.
Maybe subconsciously he wants to get caught. He’s seen how you light up at every drawing, and no matter how much you respect your admirer’s anonymity, of course you want to know who’s dedicating so much time and work to drawings of you. Of course it’s crossed your mind that the person isn’t just doing this because they’re a good friend. They’re drawing your face because they think it’s beyond beautiful.
Logan doesn’t really know why he hasn’t told you yet that he likes you. He’s good at flirting, and he’s attractive – he’s not blind. But with you it’s different, there’s a bigger risk, for the both of you. The older he gets, the harder it is to open up to yet another person. You’re friends, and you talk about personal things, but confessing that he’s in love with you is different.
Not to mention this stupid recurring dream he keeps having, in which you find out it’s Logan who’s been drawing you, and suddenly your opinion of the drawings changes. You don’t like him back like that, and suddenly the drawings feel creepy if you think about him staying up late drawing your face.
He rolls his eyes at himself and gets the thought out of his head, taking the small envelope out of the back pocket of his jeans, smoothing his hand over it. He looks around, making sure no one sees him.
Logan bends down to slide the envelope under your door as usual, but one of the corners of the paper catches against the wall, and he quickly opens it to check the drawing isn’t damaged. His heart is beating so fast, he feels stupid.
He can hear footsteps, still far away, but he can hear them. Logan messily licks the edges of the envelope to close it back up, but it’s not sticking. He can’t decide between shoving it under the door like this or leaving now and bringing it back the next day. He can feel his heart hammering against his ribcage now.
Then he hears it. He miscalculated how far the footsteps were.
“Logan?”
He turns around slowly, and it feels like the world has frozen.
You come closer, looking at him and then at the letter that he must’ve dropped. It hasn’t made it under your door yet.
He says something before you can, “I’m delivering for someone else.”
“Who?” you ask, bending down to pick up the envelope. If he wasn’t petrified, he’d enjoy the view of you bent over in front of him.
He breathes. He can’t have anyone taking credit for his work, for his art (you called it that recently, he would never). But his heart is beating so fast he doesn’t know what the fuck to do or say.
This is exactly why he never wanted to do any of this. He’s making a fool out of himself and that doesn’t usually happen, especially not over a piece of paper. Logan is confident, cocky even, he can admit that, and has no idea how to deal with things like being nervous; he never has to. This really isn’t him.
You don’t wait for an answer and look at the envelope. You open it so carefully, gently taking the drawing out with your fingertips. You’re treating it with so much care he immediately feels better. Again, this isn’t for him, it’s for you. (Well, it’s for him too but it’ll take him a while to admit that).
He’s drawn your smile this time. You were happy in most of the drawings before, but he focussed more on the eyes, and your lips only ever tugged up in a slight smile.
This one is a full-toothed grin, mid-laugh.
You two were drinking last weekend. He barely felt it but your tipsy, giggly mood was contagious. He couldn’t imagine himself feeling any other way but blissful when you’re happy around him.
It started when Logan made a casual comment about something silly Scott was wearing that night, and he had you giggling. He wanted to immediately hear that angelic sound again, of course, and so he gave you every joke about your shared friends he could think of – all light-hearted, but he was still glad you two were alone.
It was the stupidest joke of all that made you really laugh, some dumb comparison between Xavier and Caillou. You probably wouldn’t even giggle at it anymore now, but in the moment it was so funny you almost spat out your drink from the deep belly laugh he drew from you, holding onto his bicep so you wouldn’t fall over as tears formed in your eyes from how hard you were laughing. He wanted to engrave the image on his soul. At least he got your smile on paper.
You look up at him now, eyes filled with tears.
“You drew this?” you ask.
He nods softly. He can’t say it but he hopes the drawings convey how in love with you he is.
Suddenly, Logan feels like his heart has stopped beating.
You’re kissing him.
You’ve leaped up, wrapped your arms around the back of his neck, and now your lips are on his.
He feels your mouth falter, probably because he’s being a fucking idiot and not kissing you back. Logan places his hands on your waist to pull you further towards him. Then his brain finally catches up and he can do what he’s wanted to for so long.
He takes your chin with two fingers and angles you so you can kiss him easier. He closes his eyes and revels in the feeling of your soft, warm lips against him. You’re soft and warm all over. Your top has slipped up over his fingertips at your sides, and he slides his hands further around your back to support you against him even better.
Logan’s tongue pushes at your lower lip, and you let out the sexiest, tiny moan of surprise as you part your lips for him, granting him access.
His tongue touches the tip of yours and from then on your cravings intensify. You feel your way over his muscular shoulders, his big biceps and over the hard planes of his chest. When you’ve had a good feel there, your hands grip his shirt in desperation and Logan gets even hungrier for you. He gently bites at your lower lip, but then you shriek into his mouth and squirm out of his grasp. He opens his eyes wide.
You grip Logan’s forearm for support when you bend down in a panic, picking up the drawing you just dropped. You let out a big breath of relief when you see it hasn’t been damaged.
“You made me drop it!” You slap a hand to his chest; it doesn’t actually hurt and it’s not meant to, but it leaves a pleasant tingle behind instead.
“I didn’t do anything”, Logan laughs, and you shake your head at him with a smile.
You take him into your room where you make him sit on the bed while you stare at the new drawing in awe. “I didn’t know you draw”, you say without taking your eyes off it.
“No one else knows.”
You pretend to zip your lips, smiling, “It’s our secret.” Logan can tell that you like that. He likes it too. It feels much better to share a secret with you than to be keeping one from you.
“I’ll only draw for you anyway, so there’s no point in telling anyone else.”
“You’re really good. I love the drawings.”
Logan gives a satisfied hum at your words, “You inspired me. Can’t have you walking around all pretty and not expect me to try and recreate it.”
You straddle Logan and hover over his lap to hug him, “They’re the best thing anyone's ever given to me. Do I really look like that?” You say the last question more quietly, and Logan wraps his arms around your sides, careful not to bump your hand that’s still holding the drawing.
“You’re more gorgeous than anything I could ever capture, but I think it comes close. I didn’t change anything about you to make you more beautiful. I couldn’t if I tried. I just tried to draw you as accurately as possible, that’s why it’s so beautiful.”
“I really love it,” you say again, happily staring at the details of the drawing. Hearing you say the word love so much tempts Logan, but he doesn’t want to move too fast. He doesn’t want to overwhelm you. He does, however, want to kiss you again.
Logan carefully takes the framed drawing and puts it on your nightstand. You push your mouth against his before he can initiate the kiss, and he grins against your lips.
You don’t know how to put your feelings into words, so you’re kissing him instead. He pulls you down so that you’re not hovering over but sitting on his lap, and the mood immediately shifts to something different. Logan doesn’t want to overwhelm you, but if you’re ready then he’ll take anything he can get.
Your chest is pressed against Logan’s, and you can feel the rise and fall of his chest when he breathes. You may or may not be pressing your boobs against his body on purpose.
“God, baby, I’ve waited so long for this,” he says, already breathless, as his hands trail down your back, leaving goosebumps behind.
“You’ve waited long?” you raise your eyebrows, grinning, “I’ve wanted to fuck you since the day I met you.”
You see the look in Logan’s eyes changing as he bites his lip, “Who says I didn’t want the same?”
You giggle, “Why did it take us so long?”
Logan chuckles, readjusting you so that you’re even closer to him, “I was too busy to actually talk to you, just been starin’ at you so I could draw you.” His cheeks have the faintest red tint, and you kiss them, hugging him.
You whisper into his ear, “Then it was worth the wait. And anyway, it’s not talking that I’m interested in right now.”
He pulls you back to look into your eyes, then at your lips. “Where do you want me?” he asks. You giggle slightly helplessly; you weren’t entirely prepared to have a man like Logan at your mercy like this tonight.
“You can do whatever you want,” you say softly, kissing him.
Logan’s lips are hungry against yours, strings of spit falling between you two, but he pauses the kiss to lie you on your back. “Wanna eat you out,” he husks, “Been dying to know what you taste like forever, bub. Can I?” He reaches for the hem of your top, and you nod so that he can pull it off you, admiring what’s underneath.
“Sometimes I make myself cum imagining that I’m going down on you,” you confess somewhat shyly, but you figure he’s been so vulnerable for you that you can share a secret too.
Logan smirks, and pulls off his shirt, “Maybe we can make your dream come true then.”
You move to sit up, but he insists on eating you out first. You both take off all your clothes, staring at each other with huge smiles on your faces for a few moments. You’ve never seen Logan this happy.
“Look at you, baby. So pretty,” he leans down to kiss your lips, then down your neck, all the way to your legs. He spreads them, lying down between them as he all but drools at the sight of your wet pussy.
You get nervous all of a sudden. “It’s been a while,” you tell him. He looks up, taking your hand, enveloping it completely in his much bigger one.
“You sure about this? We can wait,” he gently kisses your knuckles, and a warmth spreads in your chest, slowing your heartbeat down a little.
“I’m sure,” you nod, and Logan comes up again to kiss you. The head of his hard cock catches against the space above your clit, and you both look down between your bodies. When Logan looks back up at you, his eyes are desperately begging you. You place your hand on his head, threading your fingers through his hair as he moves down your body.
“Such a pretty fucking pussy,” he mumbles into your thigh, kissing you there. You giggle, getting comfortable, your hand never leaving his hair.
Logan starts eating you out, his tongue gentle but determined against your clit.
“Taste so good, baby. Even better than I imagined.” You hum at Logan’s words, already feeling yourself come undone with his mouth on your wet pussy.
You sink further into the mattress when he starts sucking on your clit, licking into your pussy like a man starved every few moments, and your thighs squeeze around Logan’s head, and it’s even better than in his fantasies.
“Feels really good,” you tell him, pulling on his hair to stop yourself from moving too much, and Logan moans against your skin. Hearing your words motivates him even more, and he pushes two fingers into your wet pussy. He curls his fingers, rubbing up against that spot that makes you see stars.
Your back arches as you cum, Logan’s lips wrapped around your clit as your legs push harder against his head, and all he does is moan, revelling in the feeling.
Logan doesn’t stop licking your pussy until you’re tugging his head away by his hair, and he comes up for air with a grin on his face. You smile back, pulling him up to kiss him. You give yourself only a few seconds of recovery time before you make him sit down. You know you’d never have enough strength to actually make him get into a different position, but he lets you.
You push him onto his back, getting between his legs. You’re blinking up at him all prettily when you ask, “Can I suck your dick? Please?”
Logan huffs to himself because he can’t believe how hot you are, can’t believe that this is really finally happening. He tells you yes – he has no more words to describe how badly he wants this – and he watches you wrap your pretty lips around his cock.
It’s hard to grasp that it’s really you doing this right now – the woman he’s been into for so long. His cock is in your mouth and you look so gorgeous with spit running down from your lips, and all he can think of is all the dirty drawings he can now make of you, if you’ll let him.
He closes his eyes when you take him deeper, enveloping him with your warm, wet mouth. “Good girl,” he whispers absent-mindedly, too gone to say much more.
You’re not using your hands as you suck his cock, your spit trailing down on him, and you’re so eager. But it’s also late, and he sees you getting tired, eyes blinking slower as you pause to catch your breath every few moments. He also sees the determination in your eyes, and the absolute want, but he doesn’t want you to exhaust yourself.
You look so sexy all fucked out, strings of spit connecting your mouth to his cock as you pull away another time, giggling up at him shyly when you realise that he’s noticing you getting tired.
“Just need a second,” you wipe your mouth, out of breath, and it’s not that you’re not incredibly hot like this, but he still wants to fuck you tonight and he’s not sure that will happen if you keep going.
“C’mere, baby,” he says, reaching out his hand.
“Huh?” you ask, taking his hand nevertheless.
“Get back here, baby. I’m gonna fuck you now, alright? Don’t want you tiring yourself out.”
You let him lift you and put you on your back, but you pout, “Wanna taste you.”
Logan grins, “I’ll cum in your mouth, princess. Promise.”
You smile at his answer, satisfied, so you lie back down, pulling your legs up to your chest. His cock looks huge as he jerks himself off between your legs, rubbing the tip against your clit, making you squirm.
“Don’t know if I can take you,” you bite your lip. You’re not entirely sure if you mean it or not. You definitely want to try.
“We’ll make it fit, baby, we’ll make it fit,” Logan assures you, leaning down to press a kiss to your mouth, a mix of your wetness and his precum between your mouths. You feel his cock at your pussy, “You ready?”
“I’m ready,” you nod desperately, letting him push his cock into your pussy. He pauses after a few inches, but you wrap your legs around his waist more tightly, and he goes deeper.
“Y’okay, baby? You can take it, right?”
You nod, unable to form words with your pussy stretched like this, a combination of pleasure and pain between your legs – but it’s infinitely more pleasure.
“That’s right. You’re my good girl, hm?” He kisses along your neck as he bottoms out, and you both moan when he’s got his cock fully stuffed inside you for the first time. He pulls out slightly when you whine at the stretch, but you scratch down his back to get his attention.
“I can take it,” you tell him, and you watch the look in his eyes darken.
He begins to fuck you, the pain subsiding more with every thrust into your wet pussy. You can barely take him, but it feels good. With your slight tiredness, you feel like you’re floating on cloud nine.
You can’t believe that Logan – your super hot friend Logan who you’ve been fantasising about for so long – is fucking you. He not only feels the same way about you, but he’s been your secret admirer this entire time, taking hours and hours out of his day to make you smile. You’re the only one he wants.
And now he’s fucking you, fucking you well, and you feel so warm inside, not just from the sex but you feel warm in your heart, because of Logan’s care.
“You okay?” he asks, stroking a hand down your face when he notices you’re not entirely present. You nod happily, smiling up at him, and you can’t talk because you feel so good.
“Good, that’s good, bub, but let me know if it gets too much,” he says as he starts rubbing your clit, watches you nod while he’s fucking you so well, and he’s so big and so deep inside of you, “Squeezing me so tight, baby, feel so fucking good.”
You cum suddenly, letting the warm pleasure flow through your body as Logan keeps fucking you through it, rubbing your clit in just the right rhythm.
“That’s my girl, taking it so well,” he moans, breaths stuttering. You slump against the pillow after a few moments, with a soft smile on your face, and Logan pulls out.
“Gonna make me cum, baby,” he jerks his cock, and you sit up on your elbows immediately, looking him in the eyes with a smile as you stick out your tongue for him. He promised.
Logan moans when he cums, painting your face in his release, jerking himself off. He holds your head in place with his other hand, aiming for your mouth but you’re making no effort to catch his cum there.
“Such a pretty fucking face, princess, ’m cumming all over it,” he rasps, shooting more ropes of his cum all over your cheeks, jacking off onto your face.
You open your eyes when he’s done and breathing heavily, and you smile up at him. You open your mouth, taking the head of his cock between your lips to suck off the last drops of cum.
“Look at you, baby. Look so fucking pretty with my cum all over your gorgeous face.”
You hum, pulling your mouth off him and licking your lips, tasting his salty release. You brush a finger over your cheek, sucking it into your mouth to taste him more. Logan kisses you then, the flavour of himself mixing between your mouths.
He cleans you up gently, carefully wiping your face with a baby wipe and kissing every inch of your cheeks afterwards. You take his face to kiss him properly, and if you didn’t seem so tired Logan would be ready for round two immediately.
“Next time you could try to actually cum in my mouth,” you tease, making Logan grin.
“Sorry, baby. Got too excited. Couldn’t focus on asking you again if it was okay.” He presses an open-mouthed kiss to your lips.
“It’s okay,” you tell him, “I liked it.”
Logan grins, “Oh I could tell you liked it, baby.” You lightly slap his chest as you giggle, pulling him in for another kiss.
You cuddle for a while, not saying much because you don’t have to. You’ve both waited for this for so long that you’re just enjoying the moment, enjoying that it finally happened.
You slip out of his arms to sit on top of him. You’re in nothing but panties, the blanket bunching around your hips. You lean your hands against his chest as you tell him more about how much the drawings delighted you. And Logan cares, of course he cares to hear that, but he’s also just a man seeing the woman he’s into naked for the first time still.
You become quiet when you realise that he’s not listening, and you giggle, “Distracted?”
Logan grins, “Just a little fucking bit, baby.” His eyes don’t leave your body, and you laugh as you bend down to kiss him. He grabs your ass, kneading the flesh. When you slightly sit up again, your tits are near his face, and he can’t help himself. He cups your breasts, playing with your nipples, making you hum.
“I should draw these,” he looks up at you, “Should draw every perfect fucking inch of you.”
“You wanna?” You adjust how you’re seated in his lap, and you feel that he’s already half hard under you again.
“Maybe after I’ve fucked you again.”
You smile, feeling yourself growing wetter on top of him.
“Tomorrow,” he continues, and your smile drops.
“But you’ve got to get more familiar with the inspiration, right? If you’re going to draw me.”
“That’s true, baby. But I think you’re too tired.”
You smile bashfully, ignoring how your eyelids were drooping shut just a few seconds ago, “Okay, but then I’ll have more energy for tomorrow.”
“That’s my girl,” he smiles, pulling you off him to cuddle you again. He tucks you in and kisses your head.
You turn to your side, taking one of the framed drawings and looking at it for a while.
Logan watches you looking at it, and the sparkle in your eyes never fails to make him feel all warm inside. “Now that you actually know about it, I don’t have to draw you from memory anymore. I can study my muse in peace.”
“Aww, I’m your muse?” you beam.
“Of course you are, princess. You’re the only reason I’m drawing again.”
“I love your drawings so much.”
Logan clears his throat, and looks at you. “Well, I love you. So, I think that went into them.”
You look at him, pouting and then kissing him. “I love you too,” you say into his mouth. He grins against your lips, pulling you closer to kiss you some more. He can barely grasp that you just said that, but he’ll have enough time soon to comprehend how lucky he is.
For now, he takes your hand, and asks, “The question might be redundant now, but do you wanna be mine? Be my girlfriend?”
“I’m already yours.”
Logan grins, takes you in his arms, and you’re still cuddling when you’re both drifting off to a peaceful sleep.
P.S. reblog with a comment and let me know your favourite moment/what you liked to get a drawing from Logan under your door tonight and a facial <33
gorgeous divider by @pommecita
#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett smut#wolverine x you#logan howlett x you#wolverine x reader#wolverine smut#deadpool and wolverine#fem!reader#selfcarecap
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https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSjHFAReU/
This TikTok lit a fire in me ,like just imagine it happening with the 141 and possibly Alejandro 🥲their reactions after they open the lunchbox
141 + Alejandro? Yes, please. Also, I absolutely adore this. I keep imagining reader angrily packing their lunchbox and muttering under their breath but still thinking "goddamn it I love this man" and "this'll show him." Like, we might be upset with them because of the argument but we aren't sacrificing their nutrition over it.
For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE
Task Force 141 x Female Reader
Content & Warnings (per the warnings MDNI): established relationship, married life, swearing, arguments, brief suggestive themes, light angst, fluff
Word Count: 2k
ao3 // main masterlist // imagines & what if series
John Price
John is alone in his office.
There’s a pile of paperwork on his desk. Files. Photos. Unfinished reports. It’s never-ending, and it’s the least favorite aspect of his job. John would rather be out in the field or back home with you.
But going home feels a bit daunting. The fight the two of you had last night was the worst one, not that there are lots of fights to begin with. With heated words exchanged, the two of you argued until you were both red in the face. You had stormed off, locked yourself away, and then John sat in silence for hours afterwords, staring at the wall.
All of that, and it was his unpacked lunch that broke him. You always pack it with filling food that keeps him going on the days that he’s not in the field and just sitting behind a desk. He loves the notes you leave inside, and how you always prank something in his meal that makes him chuckle.
But right now, all he can do is stare at the container before him, knowing there’s nothing inside it except what he packed himself last night.
“Damn it all,” he mutters, slowly tugging on the zipper, knowing it’s better to just face the measly meal than ignore it.
Yet as he opens up the container and glances inside, John finds something odd. Everything he packed last night is gone. In its place is what he’s always come to expect.
Disbelief spreads as John removes container after container, opening each one in turn. How did you manage it? How did he not sense you getting out or even returning to bed in the night? How did he not hear you in the kitchen?
John leans back in his chair, staring at the spread before him.
Where’s the note?
Grabbing the bag, John checks, and finds nothing. He even opens up each food storage container, trying everything to see if you’ve tampered with it. And still, everything is fine.
Reaching for his phone, John opens his messages, and there—right there—is one from you.
Sorry. Forgot to pack a note. Love you.
John sighs heavily, tapping the phone against his forehead. All this stress, all this worry, and you still care about him.
Thank you, he texts back. I love you, too.
John "Soap" MacTavish
“I’m done talking about this.”
Johnny shakes his head, grabbing your upper arm to pull you back into the conversation. “And I’m not.”
You roll your eyes, but Johnny ignores the attitude. Whenever the two of you argue, it’s mostly frivolous nonsense that ends with the two of you fucking until the both of you are too exhausted to care about whatever you were arguing over in the first place.
This is not that sort of argument. The both of you are far too heated for this to devolve into rough kissing and even rougher sex.
“I know you’re angry,” replies Johnny. “But—”
“Let go, John.”
Johnny cringes on hearing his government name. You never call him John unless you’re looking to draw blood.
He releases your arm and steps away. “Fine. But this isn’t over. I’m not going to let this go. We have to talk about it.”
“And we will,” you sigh. “But I can’t—I can’t think. I need…space. Just…space.”
Johnny watches you walk away and hates every second of it. The feeling only worsens when he glances over and notices his empty lunch pail. You always prep it for him, making sure he’s fed. He likes that you do it. Makes him happy every time he opens it up on his lunch break.
But you’re raging mad, and it’s late.
Johnny is on his own.
With reluctance in every step and movement, Johnny fills the pail with all sorts of junk. It’s all snack food, but he hardly cares. If he has to, he’ll grab something while on break. When he’s done, he heads into the bedroom, pausing in the doorway.
You’re already in bed, covers pulled up over your head.
Johnny frowns but he doesn’t bother you, and when he finally rolls into bed, sleep alludes him for a solid hour before seizing him.
The morning isn’t much better. You’re still submerged under the covers and unresponsive. Johnny dresses for work in silence, grabs his lunch he packed in silence, and leaves the house in silence. He can’t even bring himself to turn on the radio or listen to his favorite music. Part of him is empty.
The day drags at the construction site, and when he finally—finally sits down to eat, he doesn’t want to open up his lunch pail and see the pathic meal he packed for himself.
“Fuck,” he mutters while pulling on the zipper and flipping the lid.
Johnny blinks, staring down at the food before him. Gone is the prepackaged snacks and junk food. There’s a homecooked meal in here along with several snacks, fresh fruit, and veggies. On top of it all is a small handwritten note on heart-shaped pink paper.
I’m mad at you but I won’t let you starve.
He didn’t even hear you get up in the night.
Johnny’s eyes sting, and when he blinks to chase away a few tears, he realizes how stuffy his nose has become.
“Fuck,” he mutters, opening up the container of strawberries.
You’ve cut them into heart shapes.
Simon "Ghost" Riley
Simon has been a grump all day.
Doesn’t matter that he wears a balaclava, and no one can see his face. He hasn’t cracked a single smile once. Any question asked is responded to with a grunt, and if he must speak at all, it’s nothing more than a one-word answer.
He’s not in the mood. His mind is elsewhere. All he can focus on is the fight the two of you had last night. Fights are rare but they’re always fierce, and you never back down during an argument. For Simon, it’s simultaneously attractive and frustrating.
“Up to trade anything, Lt?” Johnny saddles up to Simon, peering over his shoulder at his lunch pail.
The rest of the team teases him endlessly about the fact that you always pack Simon a lunch. They call it cute—domestic. But they’re also jealous. Johnny is always trying to barter and trade with him, and Simon always refuses.
Until today.
There is absolutely fucking nothing in his lunch pail except a protein bar and a bag of crisps. Simon packed his lunch last night while you went to bed after verbally chewing his head off. This time, Simon is willing to trade the whole thing, but he’s too proud to spend money on picking something up. He’d rather starve.
“Maybe,” answers Simon as he unzips the lid. “What you offering?”
Johnny’s eyebrows rise slightly. Simon never shares. Never.
Simon flips the lid over but doesn’t look.
Johnny leans forward, eyes widening. He whistles lowly. “Damn, Lt. Wifey hooked you up today.”
Frowning, Simon glances down and finds—not the lunch he packed himself—but one you packed for him.
“Changed my mind,” mumbles Simon, closing the lid and pushing the lunch pail away from Johnny’s reach.
“Changed your—” But Simon is already walking away, intending to enjoy his meal in peace. “Oi! Lt!”
Argument aside, you still got up early and put this together while he slept. For the first time today, Simon smiles.
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
Kyle holds onto the lunch pail like a lifeline.
It’s such a silly hesitation. He already knows what he’ll find inside. He packed the damn thing.
Cup-o-Ramen. Plain crisps. An apple.
I don’t want to talk to you right now, Kyle.
Leave me alone. Give me some fucking space.
Even now the resentment and anger still lingers on Kyle’s tongue. For all the years you’ve been together, arguments have been few and far between. And even when there is a fight, the two of you talk it out until a solution is found. Neither of you like going to bed angry.
But last night was an atomic bomb. An explosion of dissent.
You broke off to the bedroom, slamming the door, and locking it behind you. Kyle ended up sleeping on the couch with nothing but a decorative pillow and a throw blanket that hardly covered his body.
After all the yelling, after all the back-and-forth and then your sudden disappearance, Kyle was left with two realities. One, you were pissed at him, and nothing was resolved. Two, you didn’t pack his lunch.
It’s the one thing Kyle loves most about working, knowing that you’ve put together something healthy and filling. The cute notes aren’t so bad either. But there was zero possibility that you’d pack him anything after that argument, so Kyle set to it, dumping stuff into the lunch pail before falling asleep on the sofa.
And now, here he is, sitting down for lunch and dreading the choices he made last night.
“Better get to it,” he sighs, tugging on the zipper.
When he flips the lid over, he’s momentarily stunned. Gone is the Cup-o-Ramen and plain crisps. The apple is still there, but it’s sliced and in its own container with some chocolate spread on the side of dipping. You’ve replaced it all with sealed containers. Pasta. A salad with homemade dressing.
And on top of it all, a sticky note.
I’m mad but I love you.
Kyle’s trepidation vanishes. He chuckles as he picks the note up and presses it to his lips.
Everything is fine.
Everything will be okay.
Bonus: Alejandro Vargas
When you and Alejandro fight, it’s explosive.
If something doesn’t break from being thrown, it breaks because you and him were fucking like animals on it.
Last night wasn’t a simple disagreement. You threw a shoe at him, and when Alejandro knocked it out of the air and kept going, you threw a pillow, and then attempted to throw the lamp. All in vain. He had yanked the lamp out of your hand, had it back on the end table, and tossed you onto the bed in a matter of seconds.
It was just pure need after that. All carnal lust.
After all the energy and anger vanished, Alejandro was left staring up at the ceiling as you dozed beside him. Nothing was resolved. Nothing was fixed.
And when he woke up late and rushed out the door, he didn’t even think about that fact that you hadn’t packed his lunch. Alejandro grabbed the container, brought it with him out of pure fucking habit.
Not, it stares back at him, and he doesn’t know if he should even open it. Not like you got up in the night and packed it. Alejandro would have woken up if you had crawled out of bed in the middle of the night and returned much later.
No. No.
He won’t find anything in here. Nothing. A shame really. He’s going to have to convince someone to go out and grab something for him, or hope someone brought something to drop off in the break room.
Alejandro swears under his breath and then opens the damned lid.
He expects nothing, and yet, it’s not empty. For a second, everything freezes, and then Alejandro isn’t sure if he should laugh or cry. Inside is easily enough food for two. You’ve packed it to the brim, and as he explores, he even finds your homemade tortillas.
“Is this an apology?” he asks out loud, as if you’ll pop into appearance and answer.
There isn’t any note, and there isn’t a single message from you on his phone. Either you’re waving a white flag, or you’re still angry, but not angry enough to allow him to go hungry.
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PICK A CARD: Your Future Spouse’s First Impression of You? ✮⋆˙

I. II. III.
Hey there! Welcome to my first pick-a-card reading on this blog page—I hope you all enjoy it! If I make any mistakes, please bear with me. Comment down what you felt about the reading and if it resonated with you and show some love, Your support means everything to me!<3
How to Pick Your Pile: Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and look at the images below. Which one pulls you in the most? Trust your gut! Once you choose the image, The number below your chosen image is your pile. If more than one catches your eye, that just means there’s extra tea for you—go ahead and read both!
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My KO-FI link: HERE! 🫶🏻
MY MASTERLIST🫶🏻
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⊹₊⟡Pile I
First Things First: The Vibes Are Mysterious AF. Your future spouse’s first impression of you-Intriguing. Confusing. Obsessive. You are not someone they can just glance at and move on. this spread is screaming mystery, but not in a “cold and distant” way—it’s more like "Who ARE they? Why do I want to know everything about them?" There’s something about you that feels just out of reach, like you’re showing them a version of yourself, but they can sense there’s way more underneath. And that? That’s addictive. It’s the kind where they need to figure you out. They want to know what makes you tick, what you’re thinking when you glance away mid-conversation, and what you’re dreaming about at night. And it’s not in a shallow, superficial way—this person is genuinely captivated. But here’s where it gets interesting— because while The Moon makes them curious about you, the Eight of Pentacles makes them respect you. They see someone who’s dedicated, who works their ass off at whatever they care about. Whether it’s your career, hobbies, or just the way you present yourself—you give off this “I put in the effort” type of energy. Like, they can tell you’re serious about your stuff and that immediately makes you stand out. That alone makes them take you seriously. Okay, But Here’s the Gag—They Lowkey Feel a Bit…Uncertain? Now, listen—The Moon is also about illusions and uncertainty, so while they are intrigued, they might feel like they don’t fully “get” you at first. And that? That’s messing with them. They’re probably used to reading people easily, but you? You’re hard to pin down, and they love it…but also hate it?? It’s like, are they flirting with me or just being nice? Are they interested, or am I making this up? The Two of Wands here tells me that they immediately start thinking about possibilities with you—but they hesitate. Not because they’re uninterested, but because they’re trying to figure out where they stand. They respect you and your dedication, seeing you as someone with substance. They feel pulled toward you but also slightly intimidated or uncertain because you’re not easy to read (Love that for you😂). And darling, let’s be real—when someone is this intrigued by you from the jump, That’s a recipe for obsession. You might notice them observing you before making a move, trying to decode you.
This pile has the most unpredictable energy among the three. Your future spouse is unsure where they stand at first but feels a pull towards you. LOL, they might initially think “Whoa, Do they even notice me?” They might even romanticize you in their mind before truly knowing you (CUTE ngl) because your energy leaves so much to the imagination.
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˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦
⊹₊⟡Pile II
Ooooh, okay, let’s get into it. Babe, your future spouse’s first impression of you is giving emotional enigma meets graceful chaos, and I’m obsessed with how this energy is playing out. The moment they lay eyes on you, there’s an instant curiosity. You come across as graceful, emotionally intelligent, and balanced, but here’s the kicker—they know there’s more going on beneath the surface. Like, they can tell that you keep your cool externally, but they sense this quiet storm of emotions underneath. It’s intriguing to them because it’s like, "damn, how do they juggle everything?" when you meet them, or they just get the sense that you’ve got a lot going on but still show up with poise. It’s giving “this person could be drowning in responsibilities but would still remember to send their bestie a ‘drink water,’ text.” 😭There’s this duality to you that catches their attention. You seem emotionally available but also like you’re carrying something—like you’re transitioning into a new chapter, leaving something behind and they feel that energy before you even say a word. They immediately respect you but they also feel this lowkey urge to protect you, Because on one hand, you’re exuding this soft, nurturing energy but on the other hand, they can tell you’re used to handling your own business and might not even need them like that. And WHEW—does that intimidate them a little? Yes. yall pile 2 give me the energy of a particular line I heard on TikTok, which was something like "lead me when I want to be lead"😂So when they meet you, your future spouse immediately clocks that you’re in transition—maybe you’ve recently moved, changed jobs, ended a relationship, or you’re just shifting into a new phase in life. But here’s the real tea—they don’t just find you attractive, they find you mentally stimulating. Like, you’re not just another pretty face; you make them think. Your vibe is that of someone who has been through some shit but has learned and grown from it, and they immediately wonder, What’s their story? What shaped them into this person? And suddenly, they’re invested. “Holy shit, I need to know more.” You make them think—they don’t just want to know you, they want to understand you.
SO OVERALL This pile is soothing and warm, but also very self-aware and mature. Your future spouse feels safe and understood with you, like you’re someone they could see themselves building a peaceful life with. This is wayyyyyyy less confusion here compared to Deck 1; they pretty much immediately know you’re a rare find.
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˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦
⊹₊⟡Pile III
Your future spouse’s first impression of you? WHEW, they’re looking at you like you’re a whole standard—not just “crush-worthy,” but someone they gotta step their game up for. Their First Thought? “Damn, they’re sharp.” Like, no joke, the moment they meet you, they immediately pick up on your sharp mind and no-BS attitude. You give off this queen-level aura that’s like, “I see through people. Don’t play games with me". 💅. love it—but also have no idea how to approach you at first because you don’t seem like the type who’s easily impressed. Your whole energy screams “I’ve got my shit together.” And babe, they feel that. They’re looking at you like, “Okay, so this person is intelligent, confident, and carries themselves like they own the room—how do I not embarrass myself in front of them?” But it’s not just about confidence—you also have this elegance about you. You’re not loud or flashy; you’re just refined, polished, and unbothered in a way that makes people want to impress you. LOL also one thing, you make them feel like, "“Are they always this serious? Or do they have a goofy side?” You walk in, and it’s giving the main character energy without even trying. Here’s where it gets really interesting. Because at first, they see you as this composed, independent person who doesn’t need anybody. But then, there’s this subtle warmth about you that catches them off guard. I can feel that you’re someone who values fairness, generosity, and kindness—but only for the right people. You’re not out here wasting time. You know your worth, but when you do let people in? You’re the type to genuinely care, support, and uplift those around you. And that contrast? Whew. It messes them up in the best way. It’s like, “Wait… they’re not just powerful and intimidating… they’re actually thoughtful and kind, too? What kind of dream person did I just meet???” Your future spouse is immediately caught up in their head about you. Their first impression of you isn’t just “oh, they’re cute.” It’s deep admiration mixed with a little bit of panic.
Honestly, This is the type of first impression that lingers. They’re not just walking away thinking “Wow, that was a cool person.” No, no. They’re going home, replaying the conversation, trying to figure out how to impress you next time, and probably texting their best friend like, “I think I just met the most unreal person ever.”
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˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦
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I'll Crawl Home To Her


summary: all the ways joel miller loves his pretty, little wife. and all the ways she loves him right back.
pairing: husband!joel miller x wife!reader
warnings: explicit sexual content MDNI, traditional gender roles, pussy eating, vaginal sex, semi-public, exhibitionism kinda, dom/sub undertones, car sex, biting, dirty talk, joel is a certified munch, feminine reader, a whole bunch of tooth-rotting fluff
wc: 4.1k
note: something soft and sweet, tysm for reading, let me know what you think! <3
[masterlist] [read on AO3!]

Being Joel Miller's wife was, in short, marital bliss.
He loved taking care of you, and it showed in everything he did.
Joel always woke up earlier than you. On days he had to work, his alarm would rouse you just enough that you’d roll over to his side of the bed the moment he vacated it, soaking up his warmth and his scent, snuggling into his pillow. He’d kiss your forehead and tuck you in tight, and you’d fall asleep seconds after he whispered, “Have a good day, baby girl. Love you.”
And once you did finally roll out of bed, sunlight leaking in through the kitchen blinds, you’d find a fresh pot of coffee and your favorite mug sitting on the counter.
He worked long hours, but you could never fault him for it. He was doing it even in his old age to grant you the freedom to do any and everything you desired. Supporting you in all your endeavors no matter how fleeting.
When you’d picked up the hobby of gardening, Joel had taken you to three different greenhouses in one weekend and helped you till a section of the backyard to plant your seeds. And later that week, he’d come home with the back of his truck full of pretty white bricks to outline your garden with.
You’d mentioned once with your hands covered in suds how the dishes were your least favorite chore. You hated how they piled up so quickly, hated leaving them in the sink, how they felt never-ending.
“I can do the dishes, darlin’,” he’d said. “Just leave them for me an’ I’ll do ‘em after work every day.”
You loved him for the offer but refused. He already spoiled you enough as it is. You couldn’t imagine watching him standing at the sink every day after working for ten hours. “Are you crazy? No, I’d never let you do that.”
“Don’t bother me none,” he insisted. “S’only fair, considerin’ how good dinner is every night.”
The compliment made you flush, but still, you stood firm. Even when he’d come up behind you with a dish towel in hand, ready to take your place. You’d slapped his hands away. “Joel, no. Let me. Please.”
“Alright, fine,” he said, setting the towel on the counter. His hands found a new way to occupy themselves, though. Slipping beneath your skirt, squeezing at the softness of your thighs. “But at least let me get my desert.”
He’d had you bent over the countertop that night with your panties around your knees. He’d hummed his I love you’s against your spit-soaked clit in the middle of the kitchen and you’d felt like the most spoiled girl in the world.
Even more so when he’d come home from work early the next day. He and Tommy walked through the front door with a brand new dishwasher in tow and spent all night assembling it.
Once, you’d been late coming back from the grocery store. Janet, the older woman who lived two houses down from you and Joel, had been berating the cashier for not accepting an expired coupon.
Confrontation had never been your strong suit, but it felt less like conflict and more like second nature to step in and defend a teenage girl just trying to do her job. You attempted to reason with Janet, explaining that it wasn’t the cashier's fault, that the use of her coupon perhaps just wasn’t meant to be. You’d even offered to pay for her entire shopping haul if it meant a break for the young girl.
Of course, this wasn’t what Janet had wanted to hear, and she instead turned her anger on you. Your cheeks had warmed in embarrassment as she yelled your name aloud for all the other customers to hear, telling you to ‘keep your nose where it belonged.’
The whole interaction had frazzled you. But more than that, it had made you late. And while being screamed at so publically had certainly thrown you off kilter, the straw that broke the camel’s back was seeing Joel’s truck in the driveway when you got home.
He had mentioned once how much he loved having someone to come home to. Had explained how seeing you standing there with a smile on your face waiting for him on the front porch every day made the long hours and unbearable heat worth it. But because of Janet, you weren’t there.
Joel, your Joel—who always takes care of you, who would do anything for you, who puts your happiness above his own, the most selfless man you’ve ever known—had come home to an empty house. Worked twelve hours beneath the Texas sun to come home to absolute silence.
It didn’t matter that you’d left a note on the kitchen table, you’d meant to get back before he could ever read it.
The tears had come quickly. The embarrassment, the frustration, the anger you felt on that young girl’s behalf, came rushing to the surface all at once.
He’d left the door unlocked for you, like usual, and the moment you stepped inside you could hear the familiar, heavy sound of his boots on the wooden floor. “Hey, sweetheart. How was your—?”
Before he could ask any questions you’d flung yourself into his arms, needing comfort, needing to show him how much you loved him. To prove to him that you weren’t home but you wanted to be, more than anything. “I’m so sorry,” was all you managed to choke out.
Joel, who valued your safety above all else, immediately stiffened yet pulled you closer, wrapping his big arms around your shoulders, his warm hand splayed across the small of your back. “Hey, hey—shh, what happened? Talk to me, sweet girl. C’mon.”
He cradled your face in his palm, holding you gently as if you were the most precious thing because, to him, you are. He wiped your tears away with the rough pad of his thumb and listened as you explained, “I—I wasn’t here waiting for you! I’m sorry—I…I tried to come home as fast—as fast as I could but—!”
“S’okay, baby. I know you’ll always come home to me, alright? I’m not mad. Could never be mad at you, y’know that.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead, to the arch of your brow, to the bridge of your nose. He rubbed soothing circles into your skin until your tears slowed and your breaths found their normal cadence once again. And then, because he knows you, he asked, “What really happened?”
And you tell him. Every detail. And Joel stands there, holding you, listening with bated breath.
When you finish, he pulls his shoulders back with a newfound objective. “M’gonna go talk to Lee,” he said.
Janet’s husband was a good man, you knew. Similar to Joel in the way of being a nurturing sort of husband. A hard-working man with never a bad thing to say about anyone. “You don’t have to,” you tell Joel. “What she did was wrong but I’d rather she takes it out on me than a kid at their first job.”
He shakes his head. “Can’t just let it go,” he said. “She disrespected my wife. Not the kinda thing I can turn the other cheek to.”
“Joel—don’t…don’t—” You weren’t sure what you were asking. His insistence didn’t surprise you in the least, but you didn’t want to start anything that would disrupt the peace the two of you’d spent so much time cultivating.
He seems to understand you despite your lack of vocal explanation. “Just gonna have a word with him, sweetheart. That’s all.”
Before he walked out the door, he asked very specifically for the Mediterranean chicken dish you’d made for him last week. Which was strange only because he never asked for anything specific; he simply asked you to cook whatever you felt like, and insisted that somehow you knew his cravings better than he himself did.
It wasn’t until fifteen minutes later, as you put the chicken in the oven that you realized he’d done it to distract you, to take your mind off the situation at hand while he went and handled it. Helping you without even being in the same room.
When he came home, Joel answered all of your questions at the dinner table and said that he and Lee had shared a beer and talked it over. Warned you to expect an apology the next time you and Janet crossed paths.
And sure enough, that weekend there was a knock on the front door.
Joel stood behind you, a looming, protective presence at your back. A safety net as your neighbor apologized for her actions and offered a plate of chocolate chip cookies as amends.
You forgave her, of course. Even invited her in so the two of you could talk about it over a glass of freshly squeezed lemonade on the back porch. She compliments you on the roses growing in your garden and you clip a couple off to send her home with.
Problem solved. Amends made.
All because of Joel.
Your closest friends even teased you about it from time to time, making jokes about how spoiled you are, and about how much he cares for you.
When you’re out having a girls' night with the three of them, you share laughs and chips and salsa and have one too many glasses of wine. They all discuss sharing an Uber, but you interject to say, “No worries. Joel will make sure we get home safe.”
And they tease you about that, too, telling you, “You’ve got that big man wrapped tight around your little finger.”
But you’re not wrong, and you suppose your friends aren’t, either. Because he shows up at the diner ten minutes after you send him a text message, and deals with four drunk young women with such grace it’s almost astonishing. Even pulls a soft, secret smile as he listens to the group of you giggle together at something that’s probably not nearly as funny to him.
You asked him about it later, about that gentle amusement he wore, and he explained simply, “What makes you happy makes me happy, darlin.’”
And you understand exactly what he means. Understand how your happiness, your frustrations, your love is mirrored perfectly in his heart. Because you feel it, too.
It’s why whenever he says he’s craving something, whether it’s fast food or some elaborate dish, you’ll always find a way to get it onto his dinner plate that night. It’s why you make an extra stop during grocery shopping to get that local ground coffee he likes.
He’d said once how much he loves the way pale blue looks against your skin, and every time you shop for clothes you find yourself gravitating towards the shade.
You do his laundry and put a towel in the dryer every time he steps in the shower so it’s warm when he gets out. You teach him about skincare and he sits dutifully in bed every Sunday night with a face mask on and a pore strip on his nose. You schedule his doctor and dentist appointments and have never once been successful at fighting off your wide grin as you tell the receptionist on the phone that you’re his wife and they refer to you as Mrs. Miller for the remainder of the call.
Give and take, push and pull—the two of you fit seamlessly together. You take care of him, and he takes care of you, and whatever was left each day you figured out together.
So, when you make your way to the kitchen one early morning to see his lunch still in the fridge, untouched, and his coffee mug in the sink and not the dishwasher, you know something must have gone awry. Something to disrupt his morning routine.
You find your phone only to read a text message he’d left you at six this morning.
Good morning, sweet girl. Slept through my alarm, might have to stay over today to finish. Love you.
Joel’s an independent man, you know. Perfectly capable of taking care of himself. And you know he’ll likely buy lunch for himself and Tommy, likely some gas station pizza and a soda. But you don’t like the idea of him needing to do that. Don’t like the idea of him eating anything you don’t make for him just the way he likes.
So, you spend the morning getting all dolled up. You wear that pale blue sundress he likes. You curl your hair, coat your lashes in mascara, and spray that expensive, vanilla-scented perfume he got you for your birthday last year.
And then you grab his lunch from the fridge and make your way to the construction site. You find Joel’s truck easily and park beside it. You’re not sure why, but being here makes your heart race.
You’ve met the majority of the guys on his crew, and they all know who you are. Countless times you’ve forced Joel to bring in containers full of cookies and pastries you’d bake the night before to share. He’s even brought a couple of them home for dinner before, and invited their wives and kids to fill your home with a little extra love and laughter for the evening.
But for some reason, this feels…different. Like you’re encroaching on their territory, invading space that doesn’t belong to you.
They’re working inside some big structure that has only the framing and roof finished, wooden beams allotting space for each room. You can hear them shouting at each other and the sound of hammers striking nails into place. Somewhere a little further into the building, there’s the mechanical whirring of a drill, but you see no face you recognize.
One of the younger-looking men up in the rafters notices you first. “Well, hello there pretty little lady. Did you need some help?”
You open your mouth to speak, to ask where you might find Joel or even Tommy. But then—
“Dean, you look at my wife like that again and it’ll be the last time you have eyes to look at anyone.” Joel rests his hand on the small of your back as he saddles up to your side. You turn to face him, and can’t help your smirk upon discovering the intimidating scowl on his face that he directs to Dean. “Understand?”
“Yes, sir. Sorry about that, Mrs. Miller.”
“It’s alright, Dean. You didn’t know,” you insist. But Joel narrows his eyes even further and doesn’t stop until you playfully hit his bicep. “It’s fine.”
His expression softens considerably when he looks at you, deep frown turning into a warm smile instead. “Hey, baby girl.” Joel pulls you close, pressing his lips to yours, kissing you softly. Nothing out of the ordinary for him, nothing you don’t expect. But what you don’t expect is for his hand on the small of your back to sink lower, grabbing a lewd fist full of your ass.
The surprise has your lips parting, but Joel only takes it to his advantage, tongue slipping between them to glide smoothly against yours.
When he finally pulls away your face is flushed and he wears that satisfied smirk like armor. He glances up at Dean, whose ears are now red-hot even though he tries very hard to pretend like he’s busy. “I’m taking a twenty. Be back in a bit.”
He takes your hand in his and leads you back outside, and once he opens the passenger door of your truck he’s quick to put his hands on your hips and lift you to help you inside.
You expect him to close the door and round the front of the truck to get in behind the wheel, but he doesn’t. Before you’re even able to turn and tuck your legs inside, he’s pushing you back against the leather seats and sliding his calloused hands up your thighs beneath your dress. “Joel,” you say, but you don’t attempt to stop him.
The passenger door’s propped open, just enough to shield him from view as he stands behind it. “You’re so pretty,” he murmurs, thumbs hooking into the waistband of your panties. He tugs them down and peppers open-mouthed kisses across the exposed skin of your chest, teeth nipping at your cleavage. But then he’s biting you—hard, and pressure pools low in your belly as his tongue flicks over the hurt to soothe. “Always take such good care of me. Had such a rough morning but seein’ you changes it all around.”
You’re giggling uncontrollably, overwhelmed by his sudden need, basking beneath the warmth of his praise. Your hands find his hair, tugging lightly at the ends. “We shouldn’t,” you say. “Someone will see. You’re crazy, old man, do you know that?”
“Yeah, crazy for you.” Normally you’d scold him some more, accuse him of being the absolute cheesiest man that you’ve ever met. But you don’t have the chance before he’s pushing your knees apart and pressing those hot, wet kisses to the inside of your thighs. “Can front all you want, but I’m not dumb, baby. Think you got all dressed up and came all this way for nothing? Nuh-uh.”
This hadn’t been your intention in the slightest, but now that you’re here, and his head’s between your thighs… “I just brought your lunch!”
Joel smirks. “Fuckin’ right you did.”
You have to cover your mouth to quiet your laughter. “But…seriously. Aren’t you hungry?”
“Starving, sweetheart,” he says. “Now spread your legs.”
You do. Of course you do.
And Joel makes quick work of you, wasting not a second before his tongue slides through your wet heat with expert precision. He hooks his arms around your thighs and drags you to the end of the leather seat, pressing his face against you. Your clit pulses with need and he takes care of that ache for you, too. Sucking it into his mouth, lapping at you with the flat of his tongue, ratcheting your pleasure to an almost unbearable place.
It doesn’t take long before your back is arching off the leather, hands tugging desperately at his hair, pulling him impossibly closer. You’re whimpering his name and he’s letting out these deep, throaty groans that have your toes curling in your high-top sneakers.
In just a couple minutes he has you right there—right on the edge, so close to your orgasm you can taste it, and then he pulls away. You’re whining immediately, desperate whimpers falling for your lips.
“Shh. S’alright, baby girl. I’m comin',’” Joel tells you. And then you watch through bleary, tear-filled eyes as he undoes his tool belt and sets it on the floor of his truck.
The clink of his belt buckle reverberates through your ears, and you whimper again but before you can start begging he’s got his cock in his hand and he’s pressing the big, heavy tip into you. “Oh my God,” you cry, breath stuck in your lungs.
It feels so good—he always does. He says, “C’mere, baby,” before gripping the front of your dress and pulling you up towards him. He hooks your legs around his hips and sinks into you slow, real slow. Gives you time to adjust to the size of him, time for your pussy to make room for it. He kisses you hard, and out of the corner of your eye, you can see the men on his team working thirty feet away.
Your heart races in your chest and you think about warning him again that this might be a bad idea, but then he’s sinking his cock alllll the way into you, pushing against that sweet spot inside, and everything else fades into nothing.
There’s nothing but Joel—your gentle, safe, loving husband, who always takes care of you and always will.
He pulls out slowly, moaning low, and then slams back into you. Again and again and again. He sets such a punishing pace that your eyes roll back and you have to sink your nails into his shoulders just to ground yourself, his gray cotton t-shirt soft and familiar beneath your fingertips. “Fuck, fuck, Joel.”
“Pretty pussy’s squeezin’ me so fuckin’ good, baby,” he says. “Know just what to give her. Know just what she needs.”
You can feel your slick coating the inside of your thighs, your orgasm creeping right back up your spine as if it’d never faded in the first place. He squeezes your thighs hard enough to bruise but it only brings you higher, gets you closer. Your clit pulses and you swear you can feel his cock throbbing inside you in tandem, a perfect man made just for you.
His hips slam into you, bringing you closer and closer and closer, until finally— “Joel, Joel, I—oh my god, shit—!”
“Ohh, sweet girl…you gonna cum for me? Hm? Feels that good? Needed it that bad, didn’t you,” he says, and it’s not a question because he just knows.
“Yes, yes, please—Joel, I’m gonna—!”
He takes a hand and grips the back of your neck, forcing you to look up at him. “I know, baby, s’alright. Give it to me. Yeah, that’s it. There you go.”
Your orgasm hits you hard, makeup smearing as your eyes water. Every nerve ending flares on end, euphoria washing over you and pulling your senses taut. “Cum with me, cum with me, oh god.”
He fucks you through it, and it only takes a couple more meaningful strokes before his hips are stuttering. Joel presses his forehead to yours and kisses you gently, spilling inside you with his cock pressed into you as deep as he can get. He cums with you and the words that leave his mouth as he reaches the summit give you goosebumps. “Love you, sweet girl. Love you so fuckin’ much.”
When he finally comes down, Joel’s panting breaths are in perfect sync with yours. He kisses your cheeks, your nose, your forehead. And when you start giggling he breaks out that soft, gentle smile and it turns your insides to mush.
You wince as he slowly pulls out of you and stuffs himself back into his jeans, pulling on the leather of his belt and fastening it back into place.
“Still have a couple minutes before you have to get back,” you say, cheeks warming as he helps you slide your panties back up your legs. “You really should eat something. Like, actual food. Sustenance.”
“Oh, I’m plenty satisfied,” he jokes. But when you unzip his cooler and sift through it, pulling out the turkey, tomato, and cheese sandwich you’d made him last night, he takes it from you with greedy hands.
He eats quickly and you watch him in awe, unbelieving that he’s real, and much less that you’d somehow convinced him to love you. A perfect man, all your own, so beautiful and kind and selfless. You don’t think anyone’s loved anymore more than you love Joel.
Playfully, he taps the tip of your nose as he wolfs down the last bite of his sandwich. “What’re you thinkin’ about?”
“Just you,” is your answer.
“Me?”
“About how much I love you.”
His smile widens and he reaches his hand out, cradling your face, running his thumb along your cheekbone. “I don’t deserve you, sweetheart.”
You press your face into his hand, bottom lip jutting out. A part of you wants to beg him to come home early, to use a sick day, and hold you for hours. But instead, you kiss the palm of his hand and jump out of the truck, gravel crunching beneath your feet. “You should probably get back. Don’t want you staying any later than you have to.”
Joel lets out a heavy sigh but nods his head in agreement. He closes the door of his truck and opens the door to your car instead. “Get home safe, alright? I’ll try and get this done as soon as I can. You want me to pick something up after for dinner? Kinda cravin’ pizza.”
“Let me know when you’re leaving the site and I’ll call and put in an order for pickup. Get one for Tommy too so he can take it with him. Wanna make sure he eats. Sound good?”
He kisses you hard and nods. “Sounds real good. See you at home, baby girl.”
“I’ll be waiting on the porch,” you promise.
Like you always are. Like you always will be.
#joel tlou#joel the last of us#joel miller#joel miller fic#joel miller smut#joel miller x reader#joel miller x y/n#smut#ao3 fanfic#pearlessance#joel miller x you#the last of us#tlou#fluff#one shot
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