#i hate hate hate that so many in the ace community are into polyamory

[lionesscersei]

Yeah, there are valid reasons to be against polyamory, not valid reasons to be against LGBT.

Most people are capable of having feelings for multiple people at the same time. Whether it’s ok to act on all those feelings at once is a matter of opinion and debate; not a sexual orientation. Being against polyamory is not the same as hating LGBT people. Don’t attack people for it if it doesn’t effect you, but don’t create false equivalencies either.

[yinwaryuri]

Seeing a lot of upset posts about how the show ended with Boston and feeling like something really went over a few heads. Do I also believe Boston deserved better? Yes. But let's be realistic in the way Jojo and Ninew approached this.

Boston and his promiscuity have been the target of harsh judgements from episode one. And the writers have stated that he has a moral code, it's just very different from others. I was never expecting him to state it outright, that it would just be a thing worth paragraphs of speculative meta, but he does!

Boston stated his definition of boyfriend. If he wants to be exclusive, that's for all the emotional bonding that he desires with someone special, but does not deny him the ability to fulfill his physical desires with whomever he wishes. That's not just polyamory, it's a very specific kind!!! And it's entirely different from the traditional sort of relationship society has accepted. The thing is, he wouldn't have discovered that possibility without knowing Nick.

Boston did genuinely fall for Nick. But how could he have handled that properly when he has no experience being loved and has never learned how to love someone back? Moreover, how could he come to the conclusion that he likes being exclusive in one way but not another without absolutely fumbling the bag with someone who's on a different page? It's not exactly Nick's fault that he prefers physical affection to be exclusive as well, that's just how he is. There couldn't have been any discussion about this, it was a discovery in the making.

The truth is Boston would still have a hard time finding happiness in Thailand due to the political climate, especially with his father being a politician. He's gay and that alone makes achieving his dreams more difficult, but being as promiscuous as he is means even a majority of the queer community will shut him out. He's better off moving to the states where at least he has rights and better acceptance for who he is. And that's what happened.

Because having a sexual or romantic appetite outside of monogamy is still looked down on. I still see it in the BL fandom. I see it just in general. 3 Will Be Free is so often cited as a must-watch, but how many people stick to their comfort branded pairings?* How many people have made or heard jokes about the "Seattle polycule"? How many romantic aces and allosexual aros get othered and excluded and judged for their identity?

Jojo said there was no intended message, but that doesn't mean there isn't one to be found. Boston's arc is a prime example of how slutty queers get treated even by their own peers, even by people who care about them most. It's a cry from the cold and lonely dark that if we think these people deserve better, we need to change existing paradigms and find how we can give them that!

Nick wasn't prepared to do that because he is still hurting, and that's also okay. Not everyone has to change themselves to make the puzzle pieces fit. Boston and Nick's story centers around that so much. Nick being jealous and trying to copy Top, Boston trying to be what he thinks a boyfriend is - they only hurt each other because the parts that don't fit are digging in.

I hope we get a second season, but if not friends, remember Boston. He represents such a particular demographic that gets hated on and ignored constantly, and they deserve a chance. They're not easy, but that doesn't mean they're not worth it. Remember Nick too. We all have a Nick in some manner - someone that made us want to try, but no matter how much we cared for each other it just wasn't going to work. Family, friends, partners, whoever.

Instead of being outraged with the show, be outraged with society. Do something about it. Be kinder. Community is important, now more than ever. I cannot possibly overstate how much we need community, especially among minorities.

*this isn't meant to be judgmental toward fans who prefer branded pairings or aren't interested in that particular show. I know watching anything requires time and energy and scratching a certain itch at the right moment. It is, however, a concern that so many fans complained about numerous aspects of OF to the point where the creators went to the effort of explaining themselves on a weekly basis and editing certain parts to avoid backlash. I mentioned 3 Will Be Free because it's another example of Jojo's work. Many BL fans have heard of it, but only a small portion seem to have watched, and that can be an indicator of certain biases. This is not to imply anyone who hasn't seen it has said biases and is only intended to encourage reflection if needed.

[polyamzeal]

I'm sorry you have to deal with all that shit. You deserve to be able to celebrate yourself without getting sliced up by internet randos. And yeah, poly belongs in pride month, it's something worth celebrating and taking pride in.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your kind words.

I want to take this ask/post as a moment to update on my emotional outburst the other night (found HERE and some follow-up if you missed it). Mostly that I have been blown away by the amount of positivity people responded with! I have grown so used to people wanting to fiercely argue with me and accuse me of shit that I was feeling isolated and like nobody was on my side. I was shocked to be reminded of how many other people have went through the same. Lots of people also said that telling people they were gay/bi or trans was easy but it is hard to tell people that they are non-monogamous and not get hated for it. Again, not everybody's experience but certainly true for more than even I realized. It was so validating.

There was 1 hashtag on one of the reblogs that really stood out to me, "#polyphobia". I talk to death about homophobia and transphobia, even biphobia. But I have never really uttered that word. And it was so refreshing to just label it that. Polyamory still gets so erased that even the word for hating it felt victim to erasure. As if, "How could polyphobia exist when polyamory isn't a real or serious thing that deserves to be protected." I was reminded of all the other phobias that Pride has delt with. The biggest is of course Transphobia. Gays and lesbians were great but transpeople were wrong, despite being so important to the history of pride. Let's not forget how often gay and straight people have come together for biphobia to hate the greedy people that just can't pick a side. But I think the one that resonates most for me is questioning whether or not asexuality belongs at Pride. I am far from asexual myself but I have a lot of friends that are and hearing their accounts of being mistreated by people all over the spectrum really just struck a chord in my heart. All of these cases of people who were not welcomed at Pride at one point but now are mostly welcomed. And now the newest enemy to isolate and say they don't belong at pride is polyamorous people. They aren't queer enough. It might let in cis-het people which would be so awful~. I can only hope in time we look back at this and won't be able to remember a time when polyamorous people were pushed out of Pride just as we are already forgetting that bi, trans, and ace people were too.

I have also come to the conclusion that some Polyamory Facebook groups are just filled with outright mean people. Toneless online conversation with some level of anonymity will always lead to people being less compassionate and empathetic. Other night I joined a local "Polyamory Discussion" Zoom meetup and it was just so nice to see the faces of polyamorous strangers and hear a bit about what was going on with them. They felt so much more like 'real people' than the angry people online that won't listen to you as they rant at you on auto-pilot. Seeing Tumblr being a much more supportive community has also really helped to reconnect my tethers to this community that I love so much. Thank you.

[redheadbigshoes]

honestly im an aro lesbian and i tend to say (though i waver between this and going yeah everyone is - im ultimately undecided) aro heterosexual and ace heteroromantic cis people are apart of the community if they connect with that, because there is no denying that many aromantic heterosexual cishet men have never experienced an identifying queer experience that would have them connecting with other LGBT+ in any way, and many cishet aro men wont even realise they're aro in the first place because of the societal structure around sex for men (casual, flings, fwb, high body count, bachelor lifestyle, being emotionally/romantically detached from partners) all being in their favor while for aromantic straight women they're shamed for those things and are expected to settle down, love and care for their partners, be a homemaker and be a perfect wife not to sleep around as a single woman. they don't have to think about their lack of attraction to women and identify it because societally this is expected of them and gets them a pat on the back from other men u know what i mean? a man like that who is benefiting from modern patriarchal standards of what sex should be for a man and how it shouldn't be for a woman has literally nothing in common with a queer aroallo imo.

idk i know u aren't aro or ace but you often talk about men being men and misogyny + patriarchy so id love to hear your thoughts about this from that perspective even if its disagreeing with me in places because i don't think this is something people often talk about or think about when it comes to aromantic - specifically - straight cis men. asexual cishet men have a vastly differing experience because of the same structure which can cause more distress and pressure to perform. but cishet aro men can fly under the radar in their "queerness" in comparison.

it sort of reminds me (and i am also polyamorous) the idea of "polyamory being inherently queer" where-in a polyam cishet allo man has two gfs who are dating each other, has never interacted with the community aside from his bisexual gfs dating each other in his vicinity, would be considered lgbtq+ based off that statement when he quite literally could just turn around and immediately hate crime or fetishize us (which is super common with these types of guys)

i feel sometimes blanket statements being thrown like a net to cover the most ground in inclusivity can lack nuance in discussion

No but you brought up very interesting points that I hadn’t thought of. I agree with everything you said, in this case it depends on what the person feels more connected to. Not only because it’s not really my place to have an opinion about it since I’m not ace or aro, but also because of the points you brought up.

Though I see some similar things when comparing being cishet and aro or ace with polyamorous, I don’t think they’re necessarily the same (in terms of comparing) because one is about attraction while the other is a choice, you know? But I definitely get it it’s not something simple to discuss.

[nighttimebuzz]

I went to give someone, criticism for their poly mod (For stardew, mind you), as I am polyamorous and how I only wanted a poly mod to date my Irl partner and a npc, the mod creator added a NPC that made no sense, in the context of how it's meant to replace free love, and be a better version. I did not want a Poly mod + new NPC. Won't state who I gave this criticism too, especially the mod creator, as I don't want to fuel any fires, but all of a sudden the mod creator guilt trips me, misunderstands my criticism for being just hateful, when all I did was give this person polite criticism, and this guy simp comes along and starts berating me as if I don't understand how polyamory works, and proceeds to mansplain to me how it works, as if he's ever BEEN in a polyamory relationship. news flash, I am in a polyamory relationship. I know how it functions because I am literally a lesbian. :| afterwards multiple people came to defend me, but honestly I didn't wanna bother getting notified that some horny men liked the skimpy character and that I was threatening their masculinity that I just deleted my comment. (what I mean by this, is; I just.. made my comment blank, I am not dealing with childish remarks on a farming game :|) I fucking hate nexusmods because of this. and now I understand why they got into hot waters for many years. I love the stardew valley community, but the amount of horny ass and uncomfortably weird people that step over boundaries is just.. disgusting. especially in the nexusmod space. they treat it as if, everyone wants to be sexual and LGBT+ means sex for hours, when there are literal ACE players who want mods that just allow them to date the people they like, minus sex. Most of the people that got that poly mod, were ace. they didn't want a oversexualized woman to talk to them. they just wanted to date Abigail from Stardew AND Sebastian. and have a good time. instead this NPC implies they fucked Abigail, when Abigail's vanilla cutscenes WITH a woman player mind you, suggests she's never had sex at all, (You don't need to state that anyway), nor had a crush on a woman before, until you came along. So this NPC makes no sense and it's just stepping over a boundary, but I guess that'll hurt someone's feelings?, that not everyone on planet earth is horny???, people are weird, I tell you. Yes, you don't have to install something that oversteps your boundary, but if you JUST wanted to date three people, why should I feel ashamed for calling out the randomly added sexual stuff, that I didn't sign up for?, especially when the mod wasn't overstepping a boundary until they decided; "Let's add my oversexualized OC!!!"

[rouge-the-bat]

i wish it was easier to like, actually form community with other queers, but its so hard to bc any time i see another queer blog im like. oh boy lets see what they may possibly hate me for-

the cupioromantic/arospec ace? the polyamory? the nonbinary? the genderfluid? the nonbinary lesbian? the genderfluid-partially-boy lesbian? the bi lesbian? the any pronouns lesbian? the many neopronouns and microlabels? the still partially aligned with my assigned gender femme nonbinary? the femme bi? the embracing of "mogai hell" labels? the lack of gender dysphoria? the use of queer? the seeing pretty much all queer terms as umbrella labels? the acceptance of sexuality having fluidity and exceptions sometimes? what will hit be hitting the "bad identity" target today ???

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Maybe I Think Too Much?

Time starting letter: 12:46 AM 

Time submitting letter: 1:22 AM 

Date: Friday, July 23, 2021 

Location: Dining Room/Office/Library of Apartment (Maybe I need a bigger place)

I hope you're well the many users that manage this page. I hope none of you nor your loved ones have contracted the virus. I hope this year is going so well for all of you.   

I sit here writing to you, with Glee playing in the background. Santana is facing the aftermath of everyone knowing she is a lesbian, the entirety of Ohio state knowing, due to a loud conversation she had with Finn that the niece of an opponent in the run for State Senator had overheard. Word gets around. She slapped Finn in front of a lot of teachers in the Mash-Off between New Directions and The Troubletones.

 I can't imagine facing the horror of not completely feeling comfortable with who you really are, then the whole state, and maybe others know the truth. I think of some kids, adults, teenagers who are terribly bullied, ridiculed, and convinced they need to be 'fixed' by small minded loved ones, strangers, maybe even friends. I have friends myself that are gay, or ace, (wait I don't have ace friends) okay just gay, and one gender-fluid person that 99% identifies as female and goes by she/her while dating guys. My heart goes to those that feel lost and unable to be at peace with themselves.  

Now on to a more personal matter. At about 21, I realized I was bi. Which awesome. Chicks and dudes hella hot. Like Anne Hathaway and Mark Ruffalo, y'all want a three-way? I'm your woman.  

I'm in a deeply committed relationship with my boyfriend of five years. He is everything to me. Kind, great at listening, very funny, says the strangest of things, and smiles almost all of the time. He accepts, knows, and loves when I show him pictures of women clothed or otherwise. We've even discussed me having a relationship(?) friendship(?) intimate acts(?) with a woman, if that were to happen. Which, I'm aware of the term 'unicorn' in a negative connotation. If I understand correctly, it's a couple looking for a third person to join their intimacies. But that wouldn't be what I want, or for us. 

I would want something separate. A chance to experience different forms of sex, bondage, role play, BDSM if I wish, which yes, I could do this with a man. But, it's not the same. Maybe even a relationship. Which goes down a whole other avenue of polyamory. I directly asked him if that would be something he is open to, and I got straight no. And who even knows if I would meet an understanding, open-minded woman to have something with, that accepts my relationship as is standing. Why would any woman want to handle my interesting involved, committed self when they could meet any regularly available women? All of this is completely hypothetical. For all I know, I'll marry my boyfriend, we'll have tons of adventures, and the future is what it may be.   

As embarrassing as it is to admit, I haven't kissed a woman since I was 14. 12 years. 12 god-damn years. Of men and their penises, and shitty sex, of lots of lesbian porn, and gazing at Keanu Reeves shirtless, and etc. What woman wants to get involved with a mid twenties chic that is so fucking new to everything involving girls? No one. That's for sure. I get stupid weird around girls anyway. I don't realize they are talking to me, and more often than not, it's never flirty. I once flirted with a girl, she blushed, and I fiddled with my hair like a moron. 

Here's to the world: I want more experience, and ugh, I hate feeling like such a late bloomer.  I pray this didn't sound like me complaining. More of expressing my inner thoughts. I just have to hope that I make the best decisions and weigh my options, and always have open communication with my boyfriend.   

Be well, Charlie. 

 Love, Mary

[takaraphoenix]

All that you haven't done from 1 to 15?

Thanks for playing, cupcake!

1. List 3 shipping tropes you love

AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES. I didn’t realize how much this delights me until I joined the Shadowhunters fandom, to be honest.

When they can communicate without using words. It kills me.

THE GRUMPY ONE IS SOFT FOR THE SUNSHINE ONE.

2. List 3 shipping tropes you don’t love

Miscommunication that sits around unresolved for forever.

When writers let their fave get away with treating the other half of the ship like shit and still have the fave being fawned over and catered to, like half of the ship literally only exists to elevate the other half?? (This is... not about what you think it is. And it’s also @ a whole lot of show-writers... -_-)

When they enable each other’s bad behaviors.

3. One emotional aspect of a ship that always gets you

Trust. Really simple as that. But when they genuinely open up about something fucked up they’ve been through or reveal their soft side, it like... gets me.

4. One physical aspect of a ship that always gets you

Height difference. And like, honestly, either way is amazing. I know especially in the mlm ships it’s usually the “top is taller” thing, but like... that is just as amazing as the taller one getting absolutely wrecked by the shorter one?

5. Multiship or Monoship?

MULTI. ALWAYS MULTI. How do people with only one ship even live?

6. Rare pairs or Mainstream?

Rare pairs. It never ceases to terrify me when I realize the ship I like is actually really very popular. I don’t know, it’s just... impossible to connect for me then? It’s so large, there are so many here who have already been here forever, there is ten thousand set-in-stone fanons for this ship already? I prefer to sail a smol sailing ship with a crew where basically everyone on board kinda knows each other, or like at least knews each other threw someone both know. That way also makes it easier for me to find... footing in the fandom. Also, all cards are still on the table. You get to be the first to write trope x, instead of the 10th this week alone. And I dunno, but it’s fun to be the first to do something, or not even just the first, just... when something hasn’t been done to death already.

7. Polyamory or Monogamy?

Yikes, I genuinely hate that phrasing, like... it links so much with “monogamy means being faithful” and making everything else seem like cheating, not to mention polyamorous people can be in monogamous relationships too, so it should be polyamory vs monoamory.

But technicalities aside, poly all the freaking way.

8. If the ship is physical, reversible or not?

...what? *blinks* Like. I... genuinely have no idea what this question means?? Reversible? In what context? How is the ship physical?

9. Do you always have romantic ships for fandoms?

Yes, always, otherwise I don’t consider it a “fandom” of my own.

Things I have ships for, I am actually invested in. Things I don’t have ships for are just... casual watches for me and I wouldn’t look at them as a fandom of mine. Something only becomes a fandom to me if I have a baseline investment in it and that, for me, always shows in shipping.

10. How important is the sexual part (if any) of your ship?

Very, actually. As an asexual person, the only thing I’ve ever seen in sex was a sign of trust, because you are literally never more vulnerable than when you are naked and bare and doing this. I always looked at sex as that, as a huge sign of trust in each other. That’s why the majority of my oneshots end on a sex scene, actually. It’s like... “this is where they are, they trust each other so much they share their bodies with each other and now they lay together, in each other’s arms in a gentle embrace, with nothing but this content feeling of being with the one they love on their mind”.

(It’s why I, to this day and beyond this day, will never understand casual hook ups with total strangers. The mere idea is utterly disturbing and terrifying to me, tbh.)

11. Opinion on platonic ships?

Friendships and familiar relationships are sooo important and honestly my favorite thing about fics is when they dive into what canon has only scratched upon. The potentials for friendships and family dynamics that canon deemed a waste of time to spend screentime on so they only made throwaway remarks that hint at these dynamics. I love exploring those. *^*

12. List 3 ships you currently love

Let’s skip the super obvious ones and go to the ones I’m currently most obsessing over in my mind these days:

Diamond no Ace; Okumura Koushuu/Sawamura Eijun & Miyuki Kazuya/Sawamura Eijun (I obsess over both equally these days so they tie. Also I am considering an OT3 to literally tie them)

Justice League Action; Superman/Wonder Woman (I started watching the cartoon. Yes, literally just because SuperWonder is canon in this. It’s actually fun beyond that though)

Haikyuu!!; Kozume Kenma/Hinata Shouyou

13. List 5 OTPs from past fandoms

Oooh funsies, mmmh, let’s do some that I haven’t mentioned a billion times like Kai/Rei on Beyblade or Puppyshipping...

Digimon; Motomiya Daisuke/Takaishi Takeru

Fast and the Furious; Dominic Toretto/Brian O’Conner

Glee; David Karofsky/Kurt Hummel/Noah Puckerman

Heroes; Gabriel Gray/Peter Petrelli

Inuyasha; Kouga/InuYasha

I have so many past fandoms and so many past ships so here, have a relatively broad coverage of mlm ships. Ask if you want a wlwor m/f version xDDD

14. Opinion on the importance of marriage?

Yes.

I mean, even beyond fanfiction, I find marriage pretty important. I think it’s weird if you’ve been together for years and are of the opinion that you don’t plan on leaving this other person to then not marry them, tbh??

Also, it gives the nice fanfiction opportunity of taking on the spouse’s name in case of [insert abusive family here]. :D

15. Opinion on kids?

Very much yes. Seriously, creating a next gen OC line-up is one of the most fun things about being in a fandom? Also, this is how I know I have gotten Very Invested in something. My very shiny ones always get the next gen line-up, I looove it. And not just for the OTP, but like a legitimate line-up, for my favorite side-ships too, to imagine the dynamics between the kids, friendships, rivalries and love-stories unfolding them. You know I’ve dug myself in too deep when I create a third gen, where the next gen have kids together.

(My PJO line-up went a total of four OC generations deep.)

(My DC one is at two generations right now. Some parties are still in flux. Admittedly, it is also my biggest one after PJO considering it covers all my favorite Justice League members.)

(My Shadowhunters line-up is three generations.)

Ship Preference Game

[ploncc]

it's all the same shit it's always the same shit ursula k le guin was right and this is all always the same shit and i am so. fucking.

TIRED.

because too many of us fuckers have us vs them embedded in our brains from world and regional politics and propaganda at schools and shit educations and it will never go away if you don't break down the fucking mental framework itself!!!!

you will always be finding a group of people that's not natural or lacks some facet of human experience or is simply immoral (because they're not like you, because they're like some part of you that you hate, because they're not like your friends or your family or your heroes, because they are different), and you will always feel justified in dehumanizing the group, and it always can and will grow from stupid jokes to kicking folks out of events and communities to direct political action and/or violence.

if not by race, then by country, and if not by country, then by religion, and if not by religion, then by disability, and if not by disability, then by daring to experience love and interpersonal relationships and selfhood and gender differently than you.

and you might think, oh, well i'm not racist, or i'm not sexist, or i'm not homophobic! i'm not a horrible person! i'm not a bigot! i just think that polyamory is fake and gross and weird and obviously a disordered way of interacting with others! i would feel so skeevy if i was in a poly relationship, wouldn't you?

but here's the thing chicken wing: if you're capable of pulling us vs them shit with polyamory, then you are capable of pulling us vs them thinking on any other facet of humanity.

yes, including that one.

every fucking one of us is capable of being a dehumanizing monster and a bigot and a fascist and tyrant. that's the entire. damn. point.

and if you do not tear down us vs them frameworks in your thinking then you will never be able to successfully grow or change for yourself, let alone enact lasting change on the world or your communities, because you will forever be sitting here splitting humanity into boxes of Good and Bad on a rolodex of ever changing issues as algorithms and friend groups and political bodies decide they're important. you will never be able to keep friends on the long term, or keep interests, or keep yourself as a person, because you will always be realizing your failings and others' failings, and suddenly drowning in the guilt-rage-shame of potentially being part of them.

so yeah, making memes about how us poor queers are so misguided, how the aces and aros just don't know what's up, or how poly folks are totally incapable of love is probably just fun right now, just another stab at working out how the world works and making the chaos that is Human Experience something simple and friendly and kind.

but if that's your instinct to split the world into people that are Good and people that are Bad, and then treat the Bad People as sub-human enough to dehumanize them or demand they exist outside of your range of attention, then It Is Time To Do Introspection And Break Down The Dichotomy Of Us vs Them In Your Mental Frameworks.

i swear to god if polyamorous people become the new “cringe identity” i am killing someone. we need to stop doing this… there is absolutely nothing to be gained by labeling an entire group of people “annoying” based on their attraction to others. it’s genuinely so pathetic and it really just seems like some gay people want to live out their fantasy of being high school bullies, so they go after people they deem lesser than them (this was once bisexuals, and then it was nonbinary people, and then asexual, and now it’s going to be polyamorous people)

[quinntastic]

unpopular opinions, apparently

~READ ALL BEFORE COMMENTING~ When I was 11 and 12 years old, I was struggling to figure myself out. I became severely depressed for several reasons, but one reason was because of my sexuality. I was having a hard time accepting it because where I'm from, people are very against LGBT+. Despite that, by the time I turned 13, I had decided to fully accept myself, (even though I did still doubt myself about it) and I labeled myself as pansexual and demiboy. I know what it's like to hate myself for being me. Back then I felt the need to label myself so I could feel like I understood myself and have a more positive view of myself. Back then I was 100% supportive of the LGBT+ community and it's varieties of sexuality and gender but I have slowly come to realize something about the labels people give themselves. Don't dick me down for the things I am about to say, please. I'm sure you know of this already, but I saw a calendar someone made for pride month that included a different sexuality or gender each day. This is unnecessary, faulty, and has made me want to say a few things about the community because: 1.) Pride is about celebrating who you are and spreading love and support to others involved, as you already know. We have a month dedicated to celebrating us, so why pinpoint certain days for certain sexualities/genders? The reason we have an entire month is so everyone can celebrate for the whole 30 days, not just a day picked out by some person on the Internet. (Who even made the original anyway?) I understand it may bring attention to those labels that are constantly hated on, but a single day for them? Why not the entire month for everyone? 2. If you too saw the calendar, you would have noticed that intersex and polyamory were included in the list. These do not belong in the LGBT+ community, and that's not just an opinion coming from my own ass. I've seen countless people who are into polyamory relationships or they are intersex say it makes them uncomfortable to be included. If they are either one of those AND LGBT+ then they have a valid reason to be included: the sexuality or gender they identify with. Otherwise, neither of the two really deal with sexuality and gender. 3. What about the sexualities and gender identities not included on the 30 day calendar? This question ties into my last and most crucial point: 4. Why are there so many sexualities and genders? A simple answer: they're made up labels by people on the Internet trying to feel like they fit in somewhere. (That statement either made you wish to keep scrolling or to continue reading, and I hope you picked the latter.) There are people that will claim there are only two genders- male and female, and that you're attracted to one or the other. There are also the people in the LGBT+ community that claim there are countless other genders and sexualities. Neither of these sides are completely correct. Because of our society and how it functions, we have two basic genders. These genders can correlate with sex, but that is not always the case. There are people who feel they do not identify with these genders, therefore we have countless gender labels that would not exist if not for the Internet. This inventing of "genders" is one of the factors leading to the creation of new "sexualities". However, people have also created more sexuality labels to show their exact preferences. Having countless labels each with their own specific meaning is pointless. While it helps to let others know how you identify, it creates controversy and leaves doors open for hate on the community. The reason we fight for rights and to be accepted is because we are just like those who are non-LGBT, but some people have a hard time accepting we are the same. One of the reasons being the off the wall labels the community throws around. This only fuels the arguments against the community, claiming we are attempting to be "special snowflakes" and looking for handouts. This is undoubtedly one of the reasons we are STILL having to fight for rights. People in the community complain constantly about their sexuality/gender being hated on or erased from LGBT+. Seeing as there are far too many labels to keep track of, and all of them are oddly specific and ridiculous, I can understand why others don't want to accept each one. It is too difficult to remember and include each one in every mention of the community, LGBT+ event, etc. The sexualities we see spread across tumblr are personal preferences rather than actual sexual orientations. For example, demisexual is used to describe a person that is not sexually attracted to someone unless there is a romantic relationship between them. This is not a sexual orientation, as that would deal with the gender a person attracted to, while demisexual is only a preference for people who don't want sex outside of their romantic relationship. Sapiosexual is also another odd one. This is the attraction to smart people. Again, it does not involve the gender of the person, but rather a preference for the person. There are also "genders", such as demiboy/girl, that receive a lot of negative comments. I am using this example because I once felt I identified as this "gender", but I have now come to realize how ridiculous it is. While its definition claims to be a person that leans more towards one gender or the other, it is really a dressed up word for a really girly boy or a "tom boy". It is more to describe, for example, a girl that happens to like video games, doesn't wear makeup, and hangs around guys a lot, but is not transgender. There are countless more I could name, and if you wish, I can make a list of some in a separate post. My point is, these labels are unnecessary when we have the basic LGBT+ labels. LGBT, as we all know, stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. These can be used in place of the odd and off the wall labels we see in the community. I am positive you are wondering how only a few labels can satisfy you. It's simple: Gender is actually just a spectrum of the two traditional genders. One side is purely feminine, while the other is purely masculine. Between the two is the spectrum of different identities the community feels the need to label. In the middle is both genders, and off of the spectrum is neither. This applies for sexuality also, with ace being on the outside, and bi in the middle of gay and straight. If we are to label all of these genders and sexualities, we would have a copious, uncountable amount of labels. With this idea in mind, the only labels we need are those basic LGBT labels. If you are gay, you are gay, and if you are straight, you are straight. Bisexuality can cover every one of tumblr's made up sexualities with a simple phrase: "I am bisexual, but I like [this] more." Ace is the same, as it can be used as, "I don't feel sexual attraction to others, but..." The same goes for gender. Now, before you try to diss me and claim I have no idea what it's like to be discriminated against for my identity, read the first two paragraphs again. I was once there, supporting the community's strange labels and even felt I identified with them. As I have gotten older and matured, real life experiences have changed my opinion, and today, I am almost ashamed to be a part of the LGBT+ community. However, I am in no way sending hate towards the people directly, for all of you are probably lovely people. Kudos to you if you read this far, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your tumblr scroll.

[firemama]

Opinion Meme

Tagged by: anonymous If ur Gunna bitch about my opinions if they don't match yours, don't read. 📂📄 let's begin... 01. Is a legal drinking age of 21 fair? Is it fair, yes, because kids are scientifically stupid until their brain finishes developing and they don't need to fuck up their brain chemistry with alcohol before it's even developed. 02. Is it okay for a 17 year old and an 18 year old to date? What about a 16/18? 16/19? I'm weird with ages and if you know me you know that well. I go more by maturity then actual age. Strictly by number- well that would depend on circumstances. 03. Pro-choice or pro-life? Pro-choice. Everyone should have a choice. If it were illegal, women would just do it themselves unsafely, as they have for most of history. Like sticking coat hangers in their vaginas to try and tear out the baby. 04. In America, is burning the flag okay? Should it be illegal, and if so, how should the act be punished? Personally I don't give a flying fuck. It's cloth. It's litterally a cloth. And if it's your personal property, why the fuck can't you burn it? AND burning is how the military 'decommissions' flags so is burning HONORABLE or not?? 05. Does having a preference for genitals make you transphobic? (i.e. man who will only have sex with dfab people, regardless of gender) Not really? If you like dick you like dick. Vice versa. But just don't be an ass and date someone but dump them when they get the sex change surgery? Have a talk about what they wanna be and if they wanna change ate some point ass hat. 06. Does having depression/anxiety make you neurodivergent? Technically speaking most people have some form of anxiety and depression, but if you have Major Depression or a major anxiety disorder, that would be neurodivergent. 07. Are cis aroace people LGBT? The LGBT is meant to be a safe space for cis/straight divergence and if it won't take everyone, then what's the damn point? Personally I would say yes because they BELONG here but whether they do or not, anyone can say otherwise. 08. Should polygamy be legalized? I have mixed feelings about polygamy as in Christians it leads to very bad families that are male dominated, controlling and strongly abusive, and like to have cult undertones. While I don't know about polygamy (the marriage of many to one), I heavily think polyamory (the marriage of many to one another) should be legal as poly households are stable and healthy and not power/religiously driven. 09. Are neopronouns + nounself pronouns okay? I think pronouns get out of hand when people try too hard to be different by struggling teenagers. I've seen it several times, and I've watched people "grow out of it" in a year's time and sometimes less, so I'm not likely to consider it an actual gender. I don't give a flying fuck about pronouns, honestly, I really fucking dont. But sexually identifying as a tree? This is the same level of that joke "I identify as an attack helicopter". I'll respect you and whatever you want me to call you [as best I can as I'm forgetful] but I neither care nor agree. 10. Should owning guns be allowed or disallowed? Whether it's allowed or not people will get them. Might as well just try and control it safely. 11. What age do you think it's okay for someone to label themselves as asexual? Technically most children are asexual- lacking of sexual attraction to others- until they reach puberty and what not. So stop labeling kids and go get a fucking life, let them figure it out when they're ready? Jesus. 12. Which sex is more privileged, men or women? Hah. 13. Is the acronym LGBT, or is it something else? I personally prefer to different versions. LGBQ, Q for queer as an inclusive of other sexualities like pan or ace. LGBTQ, inclusive of other sexualities AND genders. Transgender isn't quite a sexuality, but certainly should be included, just like gender fluids and neo genders, who fit in the Queer category of gender. LGBQ = sexuality safe zone, LGBTQ = cis/straight divergent. 14. Is reverse oppression real? (i.e. cisphobia, heterophobia, misandry, reverse racism, etc) Hell yes. People are hateful, and every type of person can be hated. Some women hate men for existing. Some people tell cis people to kill themselves. Etc etc. The world's full of hate, pals. 15. Pepsi or coke? Coke m8 16. Telling someone to die or "kys" – is it okay or not? I don't say it but frankly there are worse things to tell someone. It's still despicable. 17. Is it rape if there was consent, but it was coerced, or is it something else? Consent cannot be coerced. You can coerce submission and you can condition acceptance, but consent is the will and wish to do so and that cannot be coerced. If the party doesn't want to participate regardless of what's said, that's rape. You can't change what someone wants even if you make them say yes. 18. Are words like crazy, stupid, and idiot slurs? Stupid and idiot are IQ score categories. Crazy is not the equivalent of mentally ill. Anything is a slur. That's exactly what name calling is: slurs. 19. Is it okay for non-black people to use AAVE if they're being respectful, or is it problematic regardless of context? I honestly don't give a fuck. Nigger has never come to me as a word to say in a conversation nor have others. I don't give a shit what other people use as slang, regardless of their skin. If anything I think keeping special language to select races only is a sort of racism- I'm sure someone would hate that opinion. But again, I don't fucking care about any of it, do i? I don't think racism will go away anytime soon, I'm told I'm culture blind so I don't see a lot of the issues where people cry appropriation, but my thought on a world without racism would be without words only black people or Spanish people can use and where no one cares at all what skin tone or country you're from. 20. Is chivalry okay, or does it imply a power balance/sexism? The idea that only men can be chivalrous is sexist. Everyone be chivalrous. Open doors for each other and shit, is that so hard? 21. Is fat shaming okay? How about shinny shaming? Is any shaming ever okay? No, probably not. I don't see a problem with encouraging someone to lose or gain weight if they are at an unhealthy point or to get to a generally better health, but shaming is just hateful. 22. How do you feel about the tumblr community? I love it here. I'm not saying it's perfect and isn't full of a lot of shitty people who can do you harm and want to, but, it's a community unlike anywhere else on the Internet and certain circles can form that are good- supportive friends with similar interests doing whatever they want be it rp or blogging or art. It lacks many of the restrictions of a website like Twitter, isn't as horrible in a manner I can't explain like facebook, isn't as seedy as 4chan or reddit. It's comfy here. tagging ¦ whoever

[the-genderdefying-ace]

I am in the process of reading several articles from queertheology and so far so good! I love this article from hoperemains about transgender people (here’s another one) and this article on thegreatgaydebate (it presents both sides of the argument “is being gay a sin?” based on Jesus thoughts and actions). This collection is another non-biased source about the debate but largely based on Old Testament verses. Below are my personal thoughts and beliefs.

I grew up in a church that shuffled around the topic of homosexuality. It’s like if we didn’t talk about gay people, then they didn’t exist. There were implications that “that sort of thing” was not good or God-ordained even though it was never explicitly called a sin. I didn’t know how to feel so I took the same approach. I didn’t talk about it and honestly tried not to think about it. As long as I wasn’t gay, I was good.

Then I became friends with a group of lesbians, bisexuals, and pansexuals. In case you’re wondering, I didn’t do it on purpose. I thought they were straight until I talked with them and saw them making out at a mutual friend’s sleepover. Imagine my surprise 😅 turns out, not only were they not straight, but I was the only straight person at that party (double surprise: I’m not completely straight either, but I didn’t realize at the time 😂). My point is, I had little to no exposure to anyone in the LGBTQIA+ community prior to this moment (summer after 9th grade). I was 15.

I was 15 the first time I had heard of the term “pan”. I thought there was just gay, lesbian, and bi (and I didn’t even really understand bi at the time). I didn’t know about asexuality until I was 18-20 and I’m an ace! Like, how could I not know that? Simple. I didn’t know there was a term for it. That’s why I now take representation and advocacy for the LGBTQIA+ community so seriously. How many others still don’t know?

Based on the above articles, I believe it is not a sin to be gay. I think many of the Old Testament verses thought to be about homosexuality were taken out of context and even if they weren’t, Jesus himself says nothing on the subject. If it were that much of a sin, don’t you think He would have made a point to tell us? Some people say He was silent because there weren’t any gay people back then or because they were closeted and He didn’t know. What about the woman at the well (John 4:1-42)? Jesus practically read her mind and knew about her situation. If He wanted to condone being gay, I think He would have called it out even if the opportunity didn’t present itself.

As for being intersex and transgender, I think God created the universe in spectrums and it makes sense that humans were created to be the same. Adam and Eve (assuming they were male and female) were opposite ends of the spectrum to show the boundaries of what is possible. They don’t have to prove that those are the only two options.

As for polyamory, I’m still reading, thinking, and wrestling. I definitely don’t condone it if you don’t believe in or follow God. I’m just not sure yet if it’s something that is “okay” for those who do believe in or follow God. I’ve read this article and am hoping to read more before I come to my own conclusion.

Ultimately, I try to focus on what Jesus did say:

“You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew‬ ‭22:37-40‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Regardless of what I or anyone else believes about the homosexuality, I hope we strive to love people. I love the Lord, which motivates me to love other people. While most Christians may find it hard to love gay people (and other members of the LGBTQIA+ community), I find it hard to love those who actively hate gay people and others in the community. How are you representing the love of God if you’re telling someone they’re a mistake and they need to change, that God created some people in His image but not them? That’s not love.

As my church’s youth pastor recently said, there are several gray areas when it comes to right and wrong in the Bible. Very few things are clearly defined. My interpretation? Homosexuality is one of those gray areas.

If my personal beliefs about that get in the way of me loving others, then maybe my beliefs are the problem.

I’m not here to shame anyone that does or doesn’t believe certain things about God and homosexuality. I’m just here to say that I think Jesus came to spread love and maybe we should too, especially on Easter.

Please feel free to (politely) message me if you have any questions about anything above. Like I said, I’m still working through my opinions on some things, but I do feel as though I’m a lot closer to seeing the world the way God wants me to: through a lens of love ❤️❤️

Hi. I’m the Anon with questions. Sorry it took me awhile to get back to you. I’ve been taught my whole life that the LGBTQ community was wrong and goes against God, the God I believe in. I don’t want that to be true and judging by the content you post and reblog you don’t believe it is true. Can you show me sources that use the Bible and that are reliable so I can see what’s true? I’m tired of feeling confused, or like an impostor especially since I believe that I might be Ace.

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling confused right now. Know that I have been there, and that hundreds of thousands have been there too, you’re not alone in this <3

queertheology.com is a great site to check out for loving affirmations and lots of easily digestable resources. you can also check out religioustolerance.org’s sections on christianity and queerness. Religioustolerance.org is not a christian website, it is a world religions education resource, but its goal is to explain all points of view in whatever faith it is discussing, and thus I find it to be good at clearly laying out all the conservative arguements against queerness as well as all the liberal rebuttals to them. 

If any of my followers know of other good queer christian resources, feel free to add on! (I tried to look at hoperemains but i think they’re doing site translation maitenence right now)

[vintage-mocha]

A 15 y/ old’s questions about life

I’m tired. I’m confused, and I’m basically on the verge of tears. If there’s a typo, it’s probably because I’m crying. Because it hit me today. I’m fifteen, and life already feels overwhelming.

I’m going to be stuck with this. For at least another 40 years.

I’m scared. I’m confused. I’m nervous. I don’t know what to think, I’m not even sure I know how to think anymore.

Because everyone is so busy telling me how to.

And I don’t know who I can trust. I’ve been too trusting before, and every time I have I’ve been stabbed in the back for it.

I’m afraid.

I’m confused.

I don’t know what to think anymore.

Why is it bad to enjoy things that aren’t school/work related?

Why is it that when artists aren’t good at math/science, they’re considered dumb or need to be trying harder, but when someone isn’t good at art. It’s completely okay, because “it’s not everyone’s gift!”

Why is it that teens are forced to make career choices that will affect them for the rest of their lives, but when it comes to their own fucking identity they’re “too young to know”? Why do I need an advanced understanding of something that will have no effect on my daily life?

Why is it so “key” to do extra-curricular activities on top of school? People are spending 7 hours on school, another 2-3 at an extra-curricular, and when they get home they have homework on top of all that. How the fuck is someone supposed to have time to do anything else? It encourages people to devote themselves to one or two activities at max by the time they’re 13 or 14 years old.

Why do colleges look for “athletes” so often? Why is it that it’s considered honorable and is respected when someone continually burns themself out for months for the sake of a sport/activity? Why is it revered to give up sleep for a job? But not for art, or writing, or just enjoying yourself?

Why do schools value conformity to academic endeavors instead of artistic? Why is it so bad if someone wants to follow their dream?

Why did humanity ever create such a self-destroying system such as money? It’s twisted people to the point that both forms of economies in countries are incredibly damaging to the population as a whole. 

Why is there so much hatred in the world?

Why do I, an ace teen, need to defend myself against the community that’s supposed to welcome me?

Why do people think it’s okay to tell people to kill themselves?

Why do people think it’s okay to insult people?

Why do people think it’s okay to attack those who are trying to understand and learn?

Why is not knowing and making a mistake so treacherous to so many people? Why can’t you just explain the mistake to them?

Why do so many people see children as items that they have to control, instead of people?

What is the point of creative expression if all we’re going to do is smother it with academics?

Why are handiwork jobs so demonized?

Why do people refuse to listen to others?

Why do people refuse to accept other’s emotions?

Why do some abuse other people’s emotions?

Why do some abuse other people’s bodies?

Why do some people violate other people’s bodies?

Why do people hate? How do people hate?

How do you control your own hate?

Why does hatred rise so quickly?

Why is love so hard to come by?

Why is it that polyamory is so demonized?

Why is nothing simple?

Why am I like this?

Why is anyone like they are? Is it their experiences? Their brain chemistry?

[colorisbyshe]

Straight up, why is it taken as an insult to say that asexuality is modifier? It's still just as important to your identity if they want it to be but they take it as like you're 'invalidating' them and acting like it doesn't exist and I don't get it at all lol

It’s all because of the identity politics of this website and ace tumblr’s obsession with “validation.”

Tumblr is a rare form of social media because it’s a lot more tuned into SJ AND it’s a blogging site where everyone has a voice. So, a lot of marginalized voices that would otherwise be muted are actually quite boosted here and they’re given value they wouldn’t be otherwise. So, a lot of privileged people are trying to contend with the fact that groups they don’t belong to have formed solidarity, have a humor/culture that they can’t participate in, and can openly hate/mock their oppressors.

White people (myself included, please know I am recognizing my role as a white person), who may have only had a few people of color in their friend group growing up, suddenly have to contend with jokes about white people that aren’t for them. They have to recognize their white privilege. They have bow out of conversations and stay in their lane. And that can be frustrating and make white people feel like they have no culture and groups of their own because they can’t talk about their own experiences that way.

When privileged people’s make jokes about their experiences (ie privilege) and other group’s experiences (ie lack of privilege), that is often punching down. And not okay.

Similarly, cis straight people have to deal with the LGBT community coming together to mock our oppressors and talk about our shared experiences and culture. They have to recognize their cis and straight privilege. They aren’t allowed in the conversation and they KNOW we’re uncomfortable when they laugh along with our jokes as if they aren’t about them.

On a website where being marginalized actually in some ways offers MORE solidarity and friendship and attention and “fun” because we’re laughing over our shared experiences, it can make someone feel left out and uncultured. Like… there is no “white culture” and there is no “straight culture.” At least, to white and straight people it feels that way because they’re so catered to my mainstream culture that they don’t even know they’re being catered to.

White people can’t ever really negate their whiteness to get into spaces made by/for people of color, though I’m sure many white people have tried. I know in the past I have definitely tried to talk about my experiences with near-poverty/classism as a way to relate to racism in ways that are extremely inappropriate just as a way to fit in spaces where I never belonged in the first place. I’ve made those self deprecating “fucking white people” jokes to distance myself from my white privilege to wedge myself into a narrative that is not my own.

But ace/aro tumblr thinks they have found a way to negate their cis/straight privilege combo in a way they THINK they can use to join the LGBT community and roll around in our culture to feel less left out. If ace and aro are orientations of their own and they can scrape together a way to prove they’re “marginalized,” suddenly they can join the club of marginalized orientations and join in without feeling like the awkward oppression sitting at the edge of the dance with no one to dance with.

This very insidious attempt at fitting in becomes more obvious the more obscure and nitpicky they make their “orientations.” The aro/ace “spectrums” are so fucking broad that anyone can identify as aro-spec and ace-spec and therefore “negate” their privilege. Cishet men who only want to have sex with women but aren’t interested in dating them are now no longer privileged and can make “fucking straight people” jokes. They can join in on the “fun” parts of being gay. CIs straight people who “need an emotional bond to feel romantic attraction” are now able to use slurs that they couldn’t use before which made them feel invalid uwu.

When we recognize that asexuality and aromanticism and their broad broad BROAD spectrums are modifiers and not in fact orientations, that gateway into the community collapses. It absolutely fucking collapses. Because lots of things modify our sexuality that we wouldn’t consider orientations and wouldn’t say negates straight privilege. It puts asexuality and aromanticism on par with kink and polyamory and whatever the fuck else. Like, “kinky” can absolutely MODIFY “straight” but it does not cancel it out. It is not an orientation on its own.

They wanted something that could cancel out “straight.” And only another orientation can do that.

Ace tumblr and aro tumblr feel “invalidated” when we point out that, no, you’re not “valid” as an orientation. Your orientation is still dependent on whoever you are otherwise attracted to. You cannot rewrite our culture and history to include you. You are not one of us.

Because they think if asexuality is recognized as an orientation, then they sit at the cool kids club of marginalized orientations. That’s why they make so many posts like “aces and bisexuals are so invisible :’)” or “all or nothing!! pan and ace!!” because grouping themselves with us makes them feel less alone and more in on our jokes and culture and fun.

They want to have fun with us without paying any dues. And this uniquely comes from places like tumblr where marginalized people get to laugh and joke about our suffering so it seems just a tad bit glamorous. Or like “well it sucks but at least I have friends.” For someone who already might feel “broken,” this is ideal.

Being a marginalized orientation sounds ideal.

[vadgina-bush]

I don’t call myself a radfem because I’m useless, but I’ll chime in and smear your post with my useless opinions anyway.

Polyamory is stupid because scrotes are stupid.  I understand the concept, but I don’t like the way males take advantage of it.

Asexuality is a real thing, but it should not be as common as it appears.  People who call themselves asexual, whether they are actually ace or something else, can experience a sense of isolation or alienation.  This is due to a hypersexualized society that often reinforces the idea that the only valid form of happiness and companionship needs to come in the form of a sexual/romantic relationship.  I generally hate ace communities because blatant homophobia is rampant among them and too many support the sex positivity pro kink bullshit that alienates a lot of people.  I have more to say but I feel like I’ve been rambling.

Nonbinary is a weird one for me because I don’t identify myself as nonbinary but I would probably fit into it by genderist standards.  Like the above two, It’s used in a way that promotes regressive ideas.  Female nonbinary people, like transmen, are treated shittily by kweer communities because they’re seen as privileged by virtue of moving towards masculinity, meanwhile male nonbinary people very often use that label to get away with being abusive or predatory.

Afab/amab terminology irked me well before I stopped being a genderist and even before finding out it was appropriated from intersex language.  Nobody stapled a vagina onto me after I popped out.  I was born with it along with the rest of the set that would develop into the system that would allow me to gestate.  ‘Female’ just happens to be the word to describe my reproductive sex.

Pronouns in general should not be as big of a deal as they’re made out to be by everyone.  They’re meant to function as a shorthand for a previously mentioned noun.  Using a different set of pronouns for somebody is like using a nickname for them.  I have a problem with neopronouns because they defeat the purpose of pronouns.  We already have words to specify sex, so I don’t think sex-based pronouns are necessary.  In fact, I specifically go by “any pronouns” with the exception of neopronouns and it pronouns in order to make things easier on other people.  As such, I see no problem with he/him lesbians, he/him bisexuals, he/him whatever, as long as the he/him lesbians aren’t actually bisexuals calling themselves lesbians or just bedicked appropriators of lesbianism.

I want radfem opinions

on:

polyamory

asexuality

non-binary people

the trans community using afab/amab

he/him lesbians

if anybody else wants to add their own feel free, I'm just curious what people think!