#i hate going to the doctor but i might seriously need some medication

[cursingtoji]

something weird happened after i got covid, i was pretty okay with contracting on shows or books or even classes (halfway at least) but since a year ago i can’t even watch a 40 minute episode anymore without pausing it to google someone completely unrelated to the show

[fictionalslvr]

SYNOPSIS: Simon Riley hates going to the clinic. Especially when you're the nurse.

PAIRING: Nurse¡Reader x Simon Riley.

WORD COUNT: 995.

WARNINGS: (not proofread!)

NOTES: I just wanted to write for Simon SO BAD. I can bring more of these two, if you guys like it, of course🫶🏻

Lieutenant Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley isn't a big fan of going to the doctor. Not even the pharmacy. Especially the pharmacy. Because he knows he will find someone even more annoying there. The newbie nurse was a rock in his shoes from the beginning.

As for you, the recent BOLC (Officer Basic Leadership Course) formed as a nurse, you were thrilled. After weeks of training hard to be a military nurse, you're finally where you wished to be. As you got approved for working into the Meadowview Medical Clinic, you were quickly brought to a meeting, clarifying that not every soldier is as the others. This one, a lieutenant to be more clear. You were marveling about it. A lieutenant that never shows his face, asks for privacy at the top of all.

—”He asks for no photos of his face, not many people in the room as he's in. And, oh, of course. The lieutenant requires a private room for attendance.” — Your boss was explaining anything as some interrogation kept running through your mind. You couldn't understand properly. But you agreed with anything, you even had to sign a privacy contract, seems like he takes it very seriously.

It took weeks for you to see him actually. Your boss told you the lieutenant didn't like coming into the hospital. You thought the man could have some trauma. Or, to make him a bit less scary, you thought he was only scared of needles, since that's totally normal amongst adults. But it was funny imagining a buff soldier scared of it. And you knew he was buff. You were looking at his military personnel file, he seemed to have quite the experience in the position, by the long time he's serving the country. It said on the paper, that he was 1.93 meters, he was actually more tall than what you thought. There were some notes especially for those in pharmacy counseling reference, which includes you.

“Enjoys tattoo art + animals.”

You were clicking your tongue on the top of your mouth. That was unexpected. So, he might have these both things.

“Drink of choice —› Earl Grey.”

As you know, it was a british tea with black tea on the base and some bergamot orange oil. A weird choice of drink, but maybe he had a motive behind it.

“Assess for animal support program.”

You tilted your head to the side. Seems like your deduction was correct. You started to wonder what kind of animal one lieutenant would have. Maybe a scary animal like a snake? Or a defenseless fat cat? That would be funny.

In seconds, you were on your desk, flipping the papers of his file, the delicacy in your touch not so needed, but was there. In seconds after, a knock took your concentration. You immediately dropped everything and got up, clearing your throat and adjusting your stance as you opened the door. There was a man. Or, THE man, his size taking almost all the door frame. The man in front of you was enormous, you weren't small yourself, you were quite taller too, but you had no chance against him. He was staring at you. Hiis almost black, almond eyes, painted in face paint, were full of some weird emotion. That got your stomach wobbly, you didn't know what to expect of him. Your boss was right beside him, smiling at you in a very unnatural way.

—”This is the lieutenant. He seems to be having a fracture on the nose. Could you please take the general infos for me before he goes to my room? I'm a bit busy.” — You nodded almost immediately, giving space for the big one to go inside. That was weird, your boss were so busy and yet, took time to brought him to your room?

He walks in, without a single word. He sat on the litter, his hands resting in the middle of his legs as he pressed his foot to the floor. You waited as your boss turned his back at you two, and closed the door, clearing your throat once again before coming closer to the lieutenant. From your coat, you took your tongue depressor.

—”Can you…take off your mask? I need to see it for the procedure.”

And he just shook his head, telling you he won't do it with his expression. His mask would only allow you to see his eyes.

—”Wait a minute, sir. You possibly broke your nose. If you can't take out your mask, I can't assess your situation.” — Your lips glued together, showing how that situation was nothing more than awkward. You couldn't understand a soldier that didn't take off his mask.

—”No way.”

The man had a strong British accent, you didn't heard him talking until now. But it was clear even with only two words.

—”Sir, please. I need you to cooperate. After all, why don't you take it off? Scared you're ugly?”

The words rolled off your tongue, your free hand coming to your mouth to try and take it back. Simon took a second. A few seconds. Gulped down some emotion you couldn't decipher and blinked at you. You were used to making jokes with the other patients. But they were a different case. They were not lieutenant Simon Riley.

—”Ya know, yer’ not the first one to tell me that. Try being more original next time.”

You didn't know what he meant with that. If he was trying to be sarcastic, he didn't show. His face sat still like a rock, that was to the bare minimum…weird. Maybe he wasn't good with emotions. Or he was just mad at you. Either way, the man in front of you took off his mask, holding it on his side very close. He was not what you expected. His face was not ugly at all. And seeing your face surprised, he gave you a smug smile. Seems like the lieutenant enjoys surprising people.

[brosser-les-dents]

How can I make sure that my damaged teeth won't get worse?

I have a chipped tooth and a broken one, and going to the dentist isn't really an option due to a serious fear of doctors and medical procedures

Should I brush the insides of the broken tooth directly? Do I need to brush the damaged areas more or less than the rest?

I've gone and reblogged a response from our resident dentist @nothingiswrongwithyourarmrests right before this one, so check it out. I think they cover your questions about not letting them get worse and where to focus on brushing.

I know there are people who have serious fear of medical professionals and that fear isn't always unfounded. But in this case I strongly encourage you to seek out professional dental help.

My dad, for a very long time, was really afraid of going to the dentist. His teeth are literally falling out and he still refused to go. I've convinced him to start doing a cleaning every 6 months now, and with more exposure he's starting to find it more comfortable going. He literally had a tooth pulled at his cleaning on Saturday and is feeling better.

Once again, I'm just a person on the internet, but I can give you the advice I have given him and other people.

Firstly, let the dentist/dental office know you've got serious fears/anxiety about the dentist and medical procedures and see what they may be able to do to help relieve your fears. If they immediately brush you off, then move onto someone else. Find someone who will listen to you and take you seriously. I realize this can be really difficult bc reaching out is already so scary and you may not have a lot of dental offices you can access. But a quick initial phone call can really help suss out a good provider.

Secondly, I don't know what your particular fears are, but work with them to find some sort of solution for what's causing you the most amount of anxiety. My dad has a particular fear of the feeling of the instruments. We found out they can apply a numbing cream before the cleanings to dull the sensation. I have a friend who hates the sound of cleaning, like it almost makes her physically sick it's so intense, and she's actually found that noise blocking headphones with music really help. I have another friend who has a deep distrust of medical professionals. She actually brings her boyfriend as support during appointments.

I hope some of this advice might be useful for you. You sound like you're suffering and I'd love to see you get to a better place.

Remember to brush and floss everyone!

Edit: upon rereading this, I might have gotten confused and assumed you were cavities nonny. It was very early and I am very tired. I don't have any advice about chipped and broke teeth, so I'm still leaving that to our resident dentist. But the advice remains the same as before about professional dental care.

[heartshattering]

I don't feel ready for full recovery or anything, but I really do feel like I need to start taking my health and habits more seriously because it really is exhausting as hell to feel like I'm going crazy every night.

I kept feeling like I was going to die, to the point where I even got up and closed the Google docs tabs on my laptop because I thought "I don't want my dad to see what I was writing on my laptop when he checks it after I die" and I spent all night convinced that I had literally poisoned myself. I even started checking the labels in the pantry to see if I could find 'toxic' ingredients and check if I'd been poisoning myself over time without realizing it.

I spent pretty much all night freaking out over this shit, checking labels and freaking out over dying, and was even too scared to take my sleep aid because I was scared taking it would kill me (even though it's a low dose and I hadn't mixed it with anything dangerous)... I forget at what time I finally took it but it must have been the early AMs already and I didn't wake up until 3 PM today. And I had a panic attack upon waking up because I had a headache but was too scared to take medicine for it thanks to the 'poison' phobia again.

I don't know what exactly this is or how to fix it, just that it gets really, really intense at night, every night, and that I start panicking over these thoughts of being poisoned... I think it has to do with Nurse B and what she said about how I'm going to randomly drop dead, even though she said that a long time ago, I still think about it and I have this awful anxiety where I want o check every medicine, food, and drink I take because "This might be the one that poisons me and makes me drop dead out of nowhere, just like Nurse B said."

Fucking hell I just feel like I can never be normal again after all the shit that nurse said and did to me, I really want to cry but I'm just feeling too numb and empty right now.

I feel like I have nowhere to turn to. I can't trust medical professionals because my experiences with them have just been so bad, and I can't risk getting worse. Like I know there might be some out there who would want to help, but my mind feels so fragile that if the next nurse or doctor I see ends up being one of the bad ones, it will really set me back even worse, like what happened after meeting Nurse B. I'm just going to have to keep working on self-help on my own, but it's hard. It's really hard. I hate feeling "insane" and not being able to do anything about it, like I'm just watching a car crash unfold in front of me. I hate this.

[kimaixun]

[After Office Hours] - [SKZ Yang Jeongin x M!Reader]

“Push 1 mil of epi. Charge to 120, clear!”

“You’re under arrest for attempted homicide!”

“Fire Department! Call out!”

“5,6,7,8 Music Start!”

The profession that we chose will always be the rollercoaster in our life. Be it an artist, a singer, a writer, a firefighter, a police and many more others. Each and every personnel in this world go through their own way. This was a story of two doctors, successful in their own sectors, one a cardiologist, the other a neurologist. Both worked in the same hospital, under the same boss, nothing really special except for the fact, they can never be in the same room.

Their names are Yang JeongIn and F/N M/N. Yang JeongIn was a child prodigy, following after his father footstep. He skipped a few grades, got himself into Harvard and on his way to medical school. He graduated successfully with flying colours and one would be proud of where he stood.

F/N M/N on the other hand came from the Guryong slum, a place where has long been seen as symbol of the gap between the rich and the poor in South Korea. M/N wasn’t born wealthy but, he did made it though blood, sweat and tears to where he is right now.

M/N and JeongIn met years ago, on their first year of resident. They hated each other’s gut, so much that they won’t stand a minute in a trauma room alone without killing each other. There was once when the two fought with an open patient on the operating table, almost causing a death because they didn’t realise the patient SATS were dropping in the midst of their argument. Every since then, the entire hospital knew never to put them on one case unless it was a life and death situation.

“Dr Kwan, you might want to write the following. I need an hourly Neuro check for bed 42, Mdm Lee. Make sure the post ops reports are updated by the end of the night and also, for bed 35, once the glucose level is on a standard level, you may proceed to remove the drip.” Dr Yang JeongIn, commanded his intern as they walked down the busy hallways of the hospital.

“Yes sir. It will done and dusted,” Dr Kwan, the intern saluted the doctor before parting ways.

“So, Dr Yang, it’s Friday night. TGIF. Wanna go to the club?” Kim SeungMin, a fellow doctor, asked the other as they stood beside each other at the nurse station.

JeongIn huffed and rolled his eyes, “it’s Friday, yes, TGIF but tomorrow is also my day off for the week. So I would like to drink champagne in bed as I fall asleep for the rest of the night peacefully.”

“Boooooringggg.” SeungMin pretended to yawn. “Anyways, wanna hear some gossips?”

“We are doctors, Hyung. Surgeons, not high schoolers, do we really have to gossip?”

SeungMin giggled and link an arm across JeongIn’s shoulder, “this time, yes. It’s about Dr F/N. I heard he is seeing Dr Adams, the intern.”

JeongIn quickly turned his head to the other, “what?” As much as he wanted to keep his composure, he couldn’t help but got his interest attracted.

“I was walking by the intern’s locker room and Dr Adams was announcing to the others about having pinned to the door by Dr F/N and he said, I quote ‘he’s a beast’.” SeungMin whispered.

“Who’s a beast?” Dr F/N M/N grinned as he popped beside his rival, JeongIn, passing some case files to the nurse.

“That’s my queue to leave. See ya around JeongIn.” SeungMin quickly turned to leave the two.

“Hi, Dr Yang.” M/N greeted the other, trying to ignore the fact that he could see steam rising above his head.

“Interns? Really?!” JeongIn glared at the other before smacking a case file to M/N’s chest before pushing pass the latter, bumping their shoulder hard that M/N swore it was going to drop off. M/N watches as JeongIn walks away.

“Seriously? Just a minute. A minute of you guys standing beside each other and you already wanna have each others throat?” Staff Nurse Lee MinHo shook his head appearing beside M/N.

“I said, ‘Hi’ and all he replied me was ‘Interns? Really?!’. I am confused because hell I don’t even know who the hell are the interns around here. I barely walk around the hallways during office hours and hell, I barely speak to anyone except you guys.” M/N ranted, “I said ‘Hi, Dr Yang’, I greeted him but, he looked like he was a sauna. He was FUMING.”

“One day, I just might lock the both of you in a room. Who knows you guys might just come out with little M/N’s and JeongIn’s.”

“Soon.” M/N muttered under his breath.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.” M/N smiled, “I am officially off shift. It’s already after office hours for me but, I’ll be in the on-call room so, Hyung, please don’t let anyone enter it.”

“You know, it’s after office hours already so, you can go home,” MinHo said.

“TGIF Hyung. I’m waiting for my date.” M/N reasoned and walked away.

“Date?” MinHo asked in confusion, “wait, did you say date?!”

Meanwhile, in the Emergency Room, Yang JeongIn stared into the case file mindlessly. SeungMin’s words was roaming around his head about M/N and the intern. It couldn’t be through right? M/N wouldn’t date an intern. M/N barely walks around the hospital how could he know Dr Adams in the first place?

“Earth to Dr Yang,” Staff Nurse Han JiSung, waved his hand around in front of the doctor. “Shouldn’t you be off shift already? It’s 8pm.”

JeongIn looked to the clock and silently cursed. He was late, very late. The doctor quickly whipped out his phone seeing a few text messages from a certain someone.

‘I swear I don’t understand what you just said’

‘I beg you to explain to me please’

‘I love you, only you okay?’

‘I’ll be waiting.’

‘Where are you? Caught up on a case?’

‘Im at the lobby.’

‘Im still here.’

‘Love?’

“I need a doctor here!” A nurse called out as she pushed a middle aged man on a wheelchair into the ER. The Man was restrained to it as he yelled, struggling to break free.

“Trauma three.” JeongIn beckoned the nurse as he ran to them.

“Alex McAlester. Aged 35, the taxi driver drove him here when he started to experience nauseous and dizziness whilst on his way to the airport. He became delirious and aggressive after so.” The Nurse explained.

“Sir, my name is Yang JeongIn, I’m a doctor here, I’m going to help you but, you need to calm down.” JeongIn said. The man looked at him confused, despite the angered expression that he had. “I’m going to remove your restraints so, calm down. You are in good hands.”

JeongIn proceeded to untie one of the restraints off the man. At first the man was calmed, until JeongIn proceeded to remove the second restraints was when hell broke loose. Everything happened so fast. One second he saw the man grabbing the metal IV stand aiming towards him and the next, he was pulled back into someone’s embrace.

“No. One. Touches. My. Husband.”

As if the time had stopped, JeongIn felt his heart pounding against his chest. He looked up to see none other than his husband, F/N M/N hugging him so tightly, almost knocking the breath out of him with one hand, while the other had stopped the IV pole aimed to him.

“Get security.” M/N told the Nurse as Dr Seo ChangBin, one of their colleague and himself went to restraint the patient onto the bed again. JeongIn felt heat rushing to his cheeks as he exited the room.

“Did I just see what I just saw?” Staff Nurse MinHo eyes widened, “did he just said husband and saved you from that man like some sort of fairytale?” He scooted over to JeongIn. “You are the date?”

“What date?”

“M/N ended shift like hours ago but, insisted to be in the on-call room then he mentioned that he was waiting for his date. Now that whatever happened in front of happened, it means you are the date.” MinHo simply explained. “Are you okay?”

“I’m o—, Woah.” JeongIn was cut off when M/N exited the room, cupping his face and scanned through his body.

“Are you hurt? Did he touch you? Are you okay?”

“Im feim if yum stophw squshming maaai faceeuuu,” JeongIn mumbled.

“Oh thank goodness you are okay. My heart stopped for a second.” M/N sighed in relieve, “love, you didn’t reply my text, I got worried so I just had to come down here to find you.”

“Love?” MinHo smirked.

“We agreed to announce to the chief first.” JeongIn pouted.

“I know but, well, you can’t blame me. It’s after office hours and technically both of us are off duty.” M/N said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I promise I am. Thank you for saving me.” JeongIn added, “I am mad at you actually. There’s rumours going around that you’re sleeping with Dr Adams.”

“Oh that!” MinHo interjected, “no no Dr Yang. You got it all wrong. The Dr Adams was referring to was the doctor who has the same name as Dr F/N. His a peds doctor. Not your man. Hell, I doubt half the hospital has knows what F/N even looked like. He barely spent his time outside of the OR.”

M/N chuckled, “and so now, we know. Are you still mad?”

“I’m Sorry,” JeongIn muttered feeling so flustered to jump into conclusion.

“It’s okay love.” M/N smiled, planting a quick kiss to JeongIn’s forehead.

“So, anyone wanna explain what is going on with this?” MinHo flailing his hand to the two of them, “just a few hours ago, or at least for as long as you’ve been here, the two of you are on each other throat. I thought one day you might really kill each other.”

“M/N and I are married. We have been for awhile now. The whole rivalry, hating thing is just a norm to us.” JeongIn explained.

“Thus, work is work. Love is love. To which why we invented our ‘after office hours’ rule.” M/N added.

“Why wasn’t I invited? I’m hurt.” MinHo gasped dramatically.

“Cause we hated each other so much and it’s fun to see all of you suffer when you are under our service.”

MinHo rolled his eyes “You guys are an evil couple.”

“We know.” M/N grinned as he links an arm across his husband’s shoulders, planting a kiss to JeongIn’s head. “Shall we go? I planned a date for us.“

“Okay sweetie.” JeongIn tiptoed to kiss M/N’s cheek.

“Disgustingly sweet.” MinHo fake gagged causing the two doctors to laugh wholeheartedly.

[the-guilty-writer]

Meal Prep

Request from @lubunnii: Not going anon for this one. This is purely self indulgent,

Rossi’s child is underweight (not an ED or anything) and because of their anxiety they don’t really have an appetite.

That’s all I got, you can add more to that if you want.

David Rossi x teen!reader

Summary: Preparation of food is a sign of love in your family, so when your anxiety makes your stomach churn, your dad prepares you something special.

A/N: Thank you for this request! Hopefully it is what you were looking for. My ANS sucks so I understand the loss of appetite thing and sometimes a smoothie is all I can manage to get down so that's the first thing that came to mind.

CW: reader has a hard time eating due to anxiety, reader is underweight, doctors don't take reader seriously, lots of talk about eating and food and feeling sick

---

You didn’t hate food. How could you when you grew up in the Rossi household? A place where meals were made with passion, following recipes that had been passed down for generations which brought people together time and time again. The careful preparation of dishes and gathering to eat together was part of the way your dad expressed love. He’d go to the local grocery stores to pick out the finest ingredients and then spend hours in the kitchen cooking for the two of you, making sure everything was perfetto.

But good god your anxiety was a bitch. The underlying sensation of stress that caused your entire body to shake under the skin and your heart rate to rise also made you sick to your stomach. The nervous churning of your insides and the unsettled nature of your gut made you too nauseous to eat anything. Sometimes you could manage something easy on your stomach- a cup of plain yogurt with some fruit, half a granola bar, or a few bites of lightly buttered pasta if you were lucky- but some days you woke up feeling as thought you might vomit if you even smelled food.

And it really really sucked.

Your doctor had told you that you needed to eat more. Your weight had dropped below what was healthy, but all the M.D. did was write you a prescription for some prozac and send you on your way. You’d go back in a few months just to find out that your body still couldn’t keep on weight and be switched to a different SSRI that wouldn’t do any good in fixing the problem. Any request you made for anti-nausea medication would be denied due to the fact that you “just needed to relax” or “learn to meditate” or some other stupid passive gaslighting excuse a medical professional could come up with.

You laid on your bed, hoping that the nausea would subside soon so you could get something- anything- in your stomach. Despite your lack of appetite all you really wanted right now was to be able to enjoy the extravagant pasta dish your dad was preparing in the kitchen at the moment. The thought of missing out on it made you upset, but the thought of joining in made you want to vomit.

“Polpette! Dinner is ready!” your dad called from downstairs.

Years ago your nickname- meatball- would have made you smile. It was your favorite food when you were a little kid and it still was, but now hearing it just made you sad. Your stomach couldn’t handle the rich, hand-molded, mouth-watering food anymore.

You sighed and got out of bed, exhausted from your constant underlying unease and lack of fuel from being unable to consume more than a few hundred calories at a time. When you reached the kitchen, your dad welcomed you with his warmest smile.

“We have options tonight!” he said. Since Garcia got him into meal prepping, he’d often spend his days off making multiple dishes that could be reheated easily if he was in a rush. David Rossi wouldn’t be caught dead buying take out. “There is simple lasagne, spinach and cheese ravioli, chicken tetrazzini, and your great grandmother’s carbonara!”

The smell of the dishes hit your nose and your face warped as the idea of ingesting anything made you want to gag. You weighed your options.

“I- um.” You felt your face twist even more. “I don’t think-”

You felt panic rise in your chest, your hands shaking and your stomach churning. Tears began to flood your eyes and you shut them tight to keep them from falling.

Rossi was next to you in a second, wrapping you in a fierce hug. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not, dad,” there was a hitch in your voice. “I want to eat but I feel so sick every time I think about it.”

Rossi placed a kiss on top of your head. “Go sit in the living room. I’ll be there in a minute, okay?”

You nodded and your dad wiped away your tears before you left the kitchen to sit in the living space. You curled up on the sofa, hugging your knees to your chest and leaning your head back against the couch cushions, willing your stomach to settle.

A few minutes later your dad walked into the living room and sat down next to you; he was holding a cup of something with a straw poking out the top. “Here,” he said, holding the straw for you. “Have some of this.”

You slowly sipped from the straw, a not-too-sweet liquid filling your mouth. It was a smoothie- strawberry and blueberry if you had to guess. The ache in your stomach calmed just a little as you swallowed the liquid mixture. Your dad rubbed your back with his free hand and you took another small sip.

“There you go,” Rossi said quietly. You leaned into him and he put the smoothie down on the coffee table to wrap you in a hug. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better,” you said. It was true- your dad knew exactly what you needed at that moment. It wasn’t a heavy dish that he had spent hours preparing, pouring his heart and generations of your family’s cooking techniques into in an effort to make it the most mouth-watering and flavorful meal on the planet; it was some fruit and ice cubes in a blender.

“Good,” Rossi said. He squeezed you gently around the shoulders. “We’re going to figure this out, alright? But until then I’ll do my best to make things easy for you.”

“Okay,” you whispered, thankful for your father’s understanding.

For the next hour, the two of you watched TV, him helping you take small sips of the smoothie between long stretches of time so you didn’t make yourself sick. It wasn’t until you almost finished the drink and he tucked you in bed that he went back to the kitchen to make a pitcher of the mixture in the hopes that you could drink some of it throughout the day tomorrow.

Perhaps it wasn’t the ingredients or the hours that made food special, but the thought and love behind it.

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Determined to Endure

Switch AU

A JSE Fanfic

A shorter chapter for today. I've been surprisingly busy this week... or maybe just tired lol. In any case, the IRIS arc continues! This time we're focusing on Jackie, Marvin, and Anti. Jackie is approached with a deal, but he tries to find a way around it. Meanwhile, Anti starts to hatch a plan, and Marvin gets taken somewhere for mysterious, but probably not good, reasons. A short summary for a short chapter. I hope you guys enjoy!

More of This AU | | First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Read on AO3 under CrystalNinjaPhoenix

Jackie had been pretty much stuck in this room for days. He was going a little bit crazy from the lack of interaction. C&C guards showed up for each meal, dropping off food, but they might as well have been robots for how much they responded to him. The longer he was stuck in here, the more tempting it was to hit one of them with a chair and scream at them to answer him. He didn’t think that being stuck in here was worse than his time spent with Distorter, but it was still awful being trapped in here.

After what felt like ages, something different finally happened. Jackie was lying face-down on the bed when he heard the door open. He assumed that it was meal time, so he didn’t even bother to lift his head. Until... “Dr. Parker?”

“Huh?!” Jackie’s head shot up. He looked over to the side and saw someone sitting at the table. Daniel, the doctor who’d talked to him when he first woke up in IRIS. The door was already closed again. “What are you—You’re back now all of a sudden?!”

“Hello again, Dr. Parker,” Daniel said calmly. “I’m sorry about the long stretch of time without anyone checking in on you.”

Jackie rolled his eyes.

“Please, come over so we can talk,” Daniel continued. 

Sighing, Jackie stood up and walked over to the other chair, sitting down across from Daniel. “What?” he snapped.

“Don’t be so hostile, Jackie,” Daniel said.

“You’ve locked me in a room while you’re experimenting on my friends! I have the right to be a bit fucking hostile!”

Daniel paused. “We don’t want you to be hurt, you know.”

“But my friends are fair game, then?” Jackie muttered.

“No, we don’t want them to be hurt, either,” Daniel said.

“...I just—” Jackie shook his head. “I just frankly don’t believe you.”

Daniel clasped his hands together and smiled, trying to look friendly. “I understand why you wouldn’t. But trust me when I say that everything we’re doing here is necessary. We want this to be as easy for all of you as possible. So if there’s anything you can tell us to help make them comfortable, it would be greatly appreciated.”

Jackie tensed immediately. “You—y-you want information from me?” he whispered. 

“No, not in the way you’re thinking,” Daniel said. “Jackie, you have the ability to help your friends right now. For example, we know that Schneeplestein suffers from some sort of psychosis, and we can figure out his medication, but we don’t know if there’s anything that will upset him—”

“This whole thing is something that’ll ‘upset’ him!” Jackie growled.

“Alright, let’s start with that,” Daniel said. “What specifically would get to him?”

“Being fucking trapped? I—I-I can’t believe that you all don’t realize this! I can’t believe that I was part of this fucking company!”

Daniel was quiet for a while. “Dr. Parker,” he finally said seriously. “If you don't help us take care of your friends, they will not be helped at all.”

Jackie blinked. “Is that... a threat?”

“It is a fact. We do not know anything about them. Not really. We know facts that we found, but we don’t know about their personalities or emotional needs. You have been the friendliest of them so far—” As Daniel said that, Jackie barely managed to hold himself back from saying ‘I wonder why?!’ “—so you are the only one we can approach with questions. We would hate for your friends to suffer more than necessary. For example, Marvin Moore has some sort of chronic fatigue, yes? If we push him too far, that fatigue might become pain.”

Jackie went pale. That certainly sounded like a threat. “Wh-what are you guys going to do, that would—that would hurt him?”

“That’s the point, we don’t know,” Daniel emphasized. “But you could help us, and help him by proxy.” He leaned forward. “Who knows what might happen if you stay silent.”

“Y-you... you can’t...” Jackie swallowed a lump in his throat. He wanted to refuse to help IRIS. But... part of him couldn’t help but worry. What if Daniel was right? What if his friends ended up more hurt because he didn’t say anything?

Then he thought about what the others would say if they knew he’d told IRIS anything about them. Much less if IRIS used information he’d given them against his friends. Anti and Schneep would be pissed, Marvin probably would too... JJ would be kind about it, but he’d no doubt feel betrayed. He didn’t think that any of the guys would hold it against him for too long, but he would feel terrible knowing what he’d done, how he’d made them feel.

At the same time, he didn’t want to anger IRIS... just in case. Maybe he could pretend to cooperate? “Wh-what do you want to know?” he asked slowly.

“Tell us about your friend Marvin,” Daniel said. “Does he have any special requirements?”

“Um... h-he usually needs support to walk,” Jackie said slowly. “It helps keep him from getting tired.”

“I see. We believe he doesn’t have any anomalous abilities, is that correct?”

Jackie nodded. “Yeah. He’s just a guy.”

Daniel frowned doubtfully. He glanced at the camera in the corner—wait, shit, those are the WTCHR cameras! They’re able to detect lying! Did they know he wasn’t being entirely sincere in his responses? Well they probably knew he was panicking now, at least!

“And what about your anomalous friend?” Daniel asked. “Our medical scans have shown that his throat is damaged.”

“JJ?” Jackie paused, trying to slow down his thoughts to piece together a response that wouldn’t give away too much information. “He—yes, Distorter attacked him. He probably would’ve died if... a friend hadn’t intervened.”

“Is ALTR 53815-A related to his anomalous abilities?” Daniel asked.

“N-no, he just... has that, I think...” Don’t imply magicians exist, don’t imply magicians exist, don’t imply—

Daniel nodded slowly. “Were any of your friends in possession of any anomalous items?”

Jackie laughed, trying to sound lighthearted and not nervous. “I think I’d know about that,” he said, choosing his words carefully. It’s not an outright denial or agreement, but it should imply something. Don’t mention the cards, don’t mention the cards— “Besides, this—that question isn’t related to helping my friends, is it?”

“Well, if your friends have been exposed to any anomalous items they could still be suffering from the effect of—” Daniel paused. His hand went up to his ear for a second. Did he have some sort of earpiece? If he did, it must have been very small, because Jackie couldn’t see it. “...Perhaps we should be frank with you,” Daniel said. “We recovered strange playing cards from one of your friends. Marvin, I believe?”

“...oh?” Jackie instinctively wanted to tense up, but he forced himself to stay relaxed.

“We separated them from him,” Daniel said. “And yet, even after we did that, Marvin has been showing strange, anomalous properties.”

Jackie sat up straight. “Huh? What sort of properties?”

“He seemingly appeared out of nowhere,” Daniel said. “But on closer inspection, it seems as though he entered some sort of time lag.”

“Time what?”

“You’re familiar with lag in a video game, yes?” Daniel said. “When it stutters and glitches. Sometimes in a game with multiple people, someone who’s lagging can appear to phase through objects or appear out of nowhere. Your friend Marvin briefly entered a state similar to that in reality.”

“...huh.” Jackie leaned back. “I... don’t know anything about that. I’m... sorry.” He paused. “Maybe it’s... caused by the anomalous cards? Did you all do something to them when you took them from him?”

Daniel shook his head. “The cards did enter a strange state, but it happened on its own, not because of anything we did.”

Jackie wasn’t sure he believed that. But he didn’t think Daniel would lie about the ‘time lag.’ It was such a specific thing. What happened? Had Marvin cast some sort of spell with his cards before they all got knocked out by IRIS? “I don’t know anything about that,” Jackie repeated.

Daniel looked at him quietly for a moment. Scanned him with his eyes. Jackie swallowed a lump in his throat and stared back. After a moment, Daniel nodded. “Alright. Let’s continue. Now, your friend... ‘Anti,’ he’s called. We couldn’t find any legal records of his birth name, which is actually extraordinary in a way. Do you know anything about him that we should know?”

Jackie hesitated. “Um.. no... not really...” He wondered how Anti was getting along, actually. He hadn’t been reacting to the situation well in that brief moment he last saw him... 

———————

This camera was made of fucking rock.

Anti had thought he’d be able to move it slightly—it seemed to be built on a hinge or a swivel so it could scan his room. If he could just jam it or something—but noooo, this might as well have been a solid piece of plastic for all it could move.

Biting back a growl of frustration, he carefully climbed down from the chair. He’d dragged it over beneath the camera so they couldn’t see him—he was fairly sure this spot directly under it was a blind spot—but they could probably still hear him. He had to be extra cautious so they wouldn’t catch on and stop him. No weird sounds or sudden movements. He’d even taken his shoes off so his footsteps would be quieter. 

Back on solid ground again, he sat down heavily on the chair, leaning back, tilting his head up so he was looking at the underside of the camera. Maybe if he had some sort of tool... Maybe the next time they came to get him for one of those fucked-up experiments—because he was sure there would be another one of those—he could try to grab something.

But he had no idea how long that would be.

Patient. He had to be patient. He had to not lose his fucking mind like he did before. That’d be... difficult. But he could try. For his friends.

———————

Marvin was trying to nap when the door opened. He sat up straight immediately, and saw a pair of guards enter the room. “Wh-what is this?” he asked, voice showing more fear than he wanted. He still vividly remembered all the strangeness surrounding the last time they showed up to take him somewhere. Putting aside the accidental happenings with his failed escape attempt and his cards, there was... that experiment. He shuddered just recalling the daze he’d been in, the way Anti kept trying to reach out to him, but his voice had sounded so distant... 

Without saying a word, the guards walked towards him. “Whoa, h-hey, back up!” Marvin scrambled backwards, but he was cornered. The guards grabbed him roughly by the shirt, ignoring his yelp, and dragged him off the bed, where they adjusted their hold so they were gripping his arms. Then they marched out of the room. In the hallway outside there was another pair of guards. They said nothing to each other, just walked down the hall, pulling Marvin with them.

“H-hey, is t’is abou’ what happened last time?” Marvin asked nervously. “You—t’ere’s no hard feelin’s, righ’?”

The guards didn’t say anything. But their tight grip on his arms felt personal, somehow.

They dragged him in the same direction he’d escaped before—going through the set of double doors into that white-walled highway, and then down to the elevator at the end. One of the guards took out a keycard and scanned it before pressing a button to call the elevator. Marvin briefly considered trying to break free while they were waiting—but then one of the guards casually took something off his belt and pointed it at Marvin. He froze. That couldn’t be a real gun. Or at least, not one that shot bullets. But it probably shot something nasty nonetheless. The implication was clear. He was not to escape.

When the elevator arrived, the guards dragged him in and quickly pressed the button second from the top. The doors closed, and Marvin tried to push back the sense of finality that came with that.

The ride was short. Soon, the elevator stopped and the guards pulled Marvin out onto a new floor. One which, bizarrely enough, reminded Marvin of a hospital. He wasn’t sure why. There was just something in the plaster walls and tile floor that caused the feeling. Maybe part of the reason was because, unlike the other floor, the elevator here opened onto an open space instead of a hallway. A big square room, with a corridor on the walls left, right, and ahead. The central area of the room had a bunch of desks with computers. 

The walls of the room also had some windowed sections, and some glass doors. Marvin glanced into the nearest one. Ah—there were smaller rooms lining this larger one, and the glass walls and doors let the people in the main room look into them. For some reason, his first thought was ‘it’s like a zoo.’ A bunch of terrariums for people to gawk at.

Which meant his stomach dropped when the guards started dragging him towards one of these smaller rooms. Inside he could see a table and two chairs across from each other, just like the setup in his room. “Wh-what is t’is?” Marvin asked, voice cracking slightly. “What are you goin’ t’do to me?!”

The guards remained silent. The one with the keycard pulled it out again, scanning it on a spot next to the glass door. There was a beep, and another guard reached forward to slide it open while the other two dragged Marvin into the room. They forcefully sat him down on one of the chairs and grabbed his arms, shoving his hands down on the table. There was a pair of handcuffs attached to the surface. “H-hey, let’s—” he started to say, but while he was talking the guards already snapped the manacles onto his wrists. They were cold and tight. He tested the strength of them, but of course he wasn’t nearly strong enough to break the chain.

And then the guards left. But Marvin could see them still hovering around outside through the glass wall. No doubt doing their job and guarding him. But... there was no one else in sight. Nobody was here to observe whatever test was going to happen. There wasn’t even a camera in the room.

 Marvin could only sit there and wonder.

———————

Anti had wondered when his sitting under the camera would draw attention. Well, it turned out, it didn’t take long. Or maybe the guards walking into the room were coincidental. Either way, he sat up straight when they appeared. “Subject, why are you sitting in the corner?” One asked.

“Trying to avoid you all staring at me,” Anti grumbled.

The three guards in the room exchanged glances. Then two of them walked forward and unceremoniously grabbed Anti, yanking him upwards. He growled, but fought the urge to struggle. He was trying to play nice to get on IRIS’s good side, wasn’t he? But it was hard to just stay quiet and let the guards manhandle him down the hallway.

They took him to the same room as last time, but now the setup was different. Instead of the U-shape of desks and that weird stone tablet in the center, there were about four loose desks all set up around a central chair with straps. Now that—that he couldn’t just go quietly into, as panic immediately kicked his fight or flight instinct into gear. Anti tried to struggle, pulling against the grip of the guards. And—he actually managed to pull an arm free! He wasn’t about to question it! He punched the other guard in the face and bolted forward.

But then—

Something pierced his side and a jolt of pain spread outwards from that spot. Anti screamed, recognizing the feeling. A taser! No! He had to—get away! 

He threw himself forward, but only managed to crash into one of the desks, jittering on the floor aimlessly. Some junk from the desk fell to the ground around him. A few pens, a set of keys, some paperclips, and... one of those L-shaped bits of metal, what were they called? An allen wrench.

As the pain from the shock faded, and the guards bent down to grab Anti, an idea hit him. He scrambled forwards, pretending that he was trying to get away from the guards, but while he was moving he put his hand on top of the allen wrench and quickly curled his fingers around it. Maybe this was the tool he needed! It’d be better than trying to mess with the camera with his bare hands, at least. 

The guards grabbed him, hoisting him up and pulling him towards the chair with straps in the center of the room. And that’s when Anti realized he couldn’t just hold the wrench in his hand the whole time. They’d notice it! And he could let go of it and lose it easily!  His mind scrambled for a solution to this, and the answer it reached might’ve been less than ideal. Anti pulled his arm free again and ducked his head, pretending like he was gearing up for a big escape attempt—but actually shoved the wrench in his mouth.

Smack! One of the guards hit him in the side of the head. Anti cried out—but managed to keep the wrench hidden, partially beneath his tongue. Good. Good, that’s... all he needed. He could slump into the chair now. He didn’t even have the energy to bristle indignantly when the guards pulled the straps across his wrists and chest.

He leaned back, breathing slowly. Okay. He just needed to make it through whatever they had planned for him. He saw a door on the side of the room open and some people in white coats walk in and over to the desks. One of them grumbled something and bent over, scooping up the junk that Anti had knocked over in his struggle. He waited, tense, but the scientist didn’t seem to notice the missing wrench. And neither did the guards or any of the other scientists. They were all busy starting out their test, flipping switches and pressing buttons on strange instruments sitting on the desks.

Anti closed his eyes. He didn’t want to know what they were doing. Even as a strange humming sound started up, he didn’t want to know. He just had to endure whatever was going to happen now.

———————

Marvin felt like he’d been waiting in the room for hours. He’d fiddled with the chains on the handcuffs repeatedly, but found there was no wiggle room at all. The metal cuffs were basically skin tight, and he hated them.

As time passed, more people showed up in the other, bigger room. Most of them were wearing white coats: more scientists. Many of them gave him constant glances, and some stared at him outright. He resolved to not look at them in turn... but his nerves about this whole situation meant his eyes kept wandering in that direction, locking onto their every movement, despite what he actually wished.

But then, while watching—

“Jackie!” Marvin gasped.

The elevator doors opened and Jackie walked out, escorted by more guards. He saw Marvin shortly after Marvin saw him, and stumbled in surprise. The two of them stared at each other. They hadn’t seen each other once since they’d been taken to IRIS.

Then the guards, frustrated, grabbed Jackie and started pulling him towards the room where Marvin was sitting. He quickly started walking again, keeping pace with the guards. They took him to the room where Marvin was sitting, scanning the keycard and opening the door, walking in with him. “Marvin, are you alright?” Jackie asked hurriedly. “You’re not hurt or anything are you?!”

“No, Jackie, I’m fine,” Marvin reassured him. “I-I haven’t seen any of you, other t’an Anti. Are you alrigh’?”

“You saw Anti?” Jackie repeated. “I-I did too, for a moment, we both got moved to different rooms.”

“Yeah I heard t’at happenin’ nearby.”

“Dr. Parker, sit down,” said one of the guards.

Jackie glanced at them uneasily, but reluctantly sat down in the chair on the other side of the table. The guards picked up a second pair of handcuffs and chained him down as well. “I’m... fine by the way,” Jackie said quietly. “Just been stuck in a room for days. When did you see Anti?”

Marvin leaned forward. “T’ese bastards did somet’ing to us.” He explained the experiment as quickly as he could. While he did that, the guards retreated from the room, leaving just the two of them inside. Scientists in white coats wandered over, staring at the two of them through the window, holding clipboards and electronic tablets.

Jackie shivered. “That’s terrible.”

“I-I still don’ know why they did it,” Marvin said quietly.

“I’m guessing that weird tablet was somehow similar to Distorter,” Jackie said. “Or... the house on Aspen Street. They wanted to see how you’d react to something similar, since you a-and Anti were most... affected by Distorter.”

“Most affected?! You got trapped in there for nine focking months!”

Jackie smiled darkly. “Yeah... but that was a while ago, compared to you two.”

Marvin nodded. “I s’ppose... w-well, anyt’ing else you have to share?”

“I saw that this is the top floor of five, so our cells are probably on the ground to third floor,” Jackie said. “Or there might be a basement, but I doubt that we’re on that floor. That might be where Volt and JJ are, though.”

“Okay... so—”

A screeching sound filled the room. Jackie winced, and Marvin cried out and tried to cover his ears, but his arms couldn’t move that far while chained to the table. What was that? Some sort of... feedback?

“Hello Dr. Parker,” a voice said from an intercom.

Jackie started. “Daniel?”

“You know t’at voice?” Marvin asked, surprised.

“K-kinda, vaguely,” Jackie said. “From when I was uh... employed here. We talked a couple times.”

“Enough times t’be on a first-name basis?”

“Dr. Parker, IRIS is very disappointed in you,” Daniel continued. “We had offered you a way to help everyone, but you rejected it, lying to our faces.”

Jackie stiffened. “Shiiiit.”

“Huh? What?” Marvin looked around. The scientists on the other side of the glass walls gave no acknowledgement to them. But they had to hear what was happening, right? This glass didn’t seem soundproof.

“During our talk this morning, you denied all knowledge of the anomalous cards found on Mr. Moore’s person. But this was clearly a falsehood.”

“They asked you about my cards?!” Marvin gasped.

“IRIS is very disappointed,” Daniel repeated. “You could have helped us in so much.”

“V-vague promises of help aren’t enough to sway me,” Jackie said nervously.

Part of the ceiling lowered, a circular glass tube. Inside of it was—

“My cards!” Marvin gasped. He stood up and reached for them, but they remained above his head, well out of reach of his chained hand

“The room you’re in is currently being monitored for signs of any anomalies,” Daniel said. “If something strange happens, we will know. And if it’s something dangerous, we have the ability to stop it.” The bottom of the glass tube slid open and the cards fluttered down to the table—luckily none of them fell off the table and all landed on the surface. “You two are going to show some examples of how these cards work.”

Marvin blinked. “Um... well, we... we don’ exactly know...” It wasn’t a lie, was it? The cards had almost infinite possible ways they could be arranged, and he didn’t remember most of them.

“Then you will figure it out,” Daniel said calmly. 

Jackie pulled at the handcuffs attaching him to the table. He looked at Marvin. “Um... sorry,” he said.

“Sorry?”

“I shouldn’t have said anything about the cards at all, but I—I thought—I-I don’t know what I thought, I guess I just... maybe they would leave us alone? I-I don’t know. I didn’t want to say anything but I thought they wouldn’t leave me alone... but I should’ve known they would find out I was hiding something.”

“What? Are you sayin’ t’is wouldn’ be happenin’ if ye kept your mouth shut?” Marvin gestured at the room around them. “Pretty sure it would happen anyway.”

“...still.” Jackie shook his head. “I don’t know. I can’t help but feel like I fucked something up.”

Marvin laughed. “Honestly, it’s possible ye jus’ got yourself in trouble wit’ t’at.”

“...yeaaah.” Jackie pursed his lips. “Well, uh... are we going to do what they asked? Figure out what your cards do?”

Marvin glanced at the scientists. They were poised to take notes. “Well... what happens if we don’?”

At that moment, both sets of cuffs started glowing white. Pain jolted up Marvin’s wrists and he shouted out. Jackie also let out a short scream.

“The less you cooperate, the higher intensity the electric shocks will be,” Daniel said calmly.

“Wh-what the fuck?” Jackie gasped. “Just—j-just completely dropping the pretense, are we? I’m not g-going to help or join any company that shocks people into compliance!”

“If either of you try anything, the other will also be shocked in turn,” Daniel continued.

“F-fun,” Marvin commented. “T’at’s probably why you’re here, Jackie. Leverage.”

“Fun,” Jackie repeated, going pale. “So... now what?”

“We coul’ continue to resist, if we wanted,” Marvin said. “But... I-I don’ know how long we could hold out. Maybe we coul’ just... try... messing wit’ the cards? Maybe we’ll find somet’ing helpful.”

Jackie nodded slowly. He looked down at the cards and took a deep breath. “Alright.” He started flipping the cards over so they were all face-down, the runes on their backs visible. “But you know they’re watching us.” He jerked his head to the side, towards the glass door. “Anything we know, they’ll know.”

Marvin nodded slowly. “But... what else can we do righ’ now?”

“I-I don’t... know...” Jackie sighed. “I’m not... good in these sorts of situations... I-I’m not a fighter like Anti, or Schneep, or even you.”

“I’m flattered t’at you t’ink I’m a fighter,” Marvin said. He also began sorting out the cards, recognizing each rune and recalling what they do. Idly, he started looking for ways they could match up. 

“You are.” Jackie nodded. “You have this fire in you that I just don’t have.”

“You have a fire too, Jackie. I don’ t’ink anyone will blame you for not puttin’ it towards fightin’ t’ese guys. We’re jus’ normal people, you know. We’re jus’... doin’ our best to endure t’is. Like we have been for so long.”

Jackie didn’t reply right away. The two of them started making patterns with the cards. None of them seemed to do anything. There were a couple that gave off a few flashes of light, causing the two of them to tense and the scientists outside to lean closer with their clipboards, but there were no obvious effects. “...I’m tired, Marvin,” Jackie whispered. “I feel like I’m losing my mind, I want to do something, but at the same time, I’m so tired.”

Marvin nodded. “I’m tired, too. It can’ have been too long in here, but I’m tired. I t’ink we’re not meant to be in a constant state of ‘desperate to escape’.”

Jackie laughed. “No, no we’re not.”

“But we can’ give up, y’know,” Marvin continued. “We have people outside waitin’ for us. No matter how distant they feel righ’ now.” He pushed some more cards into place. “We have to keep goin’, for them, and for Jems, Anti, Schneep—for all of—”

Everything turned fuzzy.

Marvin blinked. Did something get in his eye...? He reached up to rub his eyes... and realized something. He wasn’t fuzzy. His body was totally clear. It was just the world around him that was strangely out of focus. This realization was followed by the subsequent realization that he had somehow slipped out of the handcuffs. “Jackie!” he gasped. “I’m out!” He shot to his feet.

Jackie didn’t move. Jackie didn’t look up. And the scientists outside the glass door didn’t react, either. Marvin blinked. He walked over towards the glass wall. One of the scientists was pulling a strange facial expression, like they were in the middle of a sneeze. Was that... exactly what was happening? Did time freeze around him?

Marvin looked back at the cards on the table. He hadn’t been going for any specific pattern. It looked like several of them had been pushed into a vague circle. He leaned closer, trying to remember what runes were on the back—

But then suddenly he was back in the chair, cuffs around his wrists again. He gasped as the world became clear again.

Jackie’s head snapped up. “Marvin?! Are you okay?!”

“I-I’m fine, I—” Marvin looked around. What was that? He looked down at the cards again...wait a minute. Those were new. Or, not new, but they weren’t there before. The joker cards.

Jackie followed his gaze. “Oh!” He started. “What’re those ones? With the spiral runes?”

“T’ose are the joker cards,” Marvin explained. “But... what’re they doin’ here? They were in some separate room before...”

“Huh?”

“Oh, I tried to escape and found them t’ere,” Marvin explained. “Doin’ t’is weird ‘swirling around each other’ t’ing. Why are they here now?”

Suddenly, the glass door slid open and guards rushed in, surrounding the two of them. Marvin yelped in surprise as they grabbed him and pulled him away from the cards, causing the cuffs to dig into his skin as they yanked his arms forward. “Hey, what?!” Jackie shouted as they did the same to him. Two guards stepped forward and unlocked the handcuffs, then a couple more pulled their arms back.

“J-Jackie!” Marvin shouted as the guards dragged him out of the room. “Jackie!”

“Marvin!” Jackie struggled against the guards holding him back. “D-don’t panic! You—you must’ve done something! Th-that could be good!” The glass door slid closed, separating them, but Marvin could still hear Jackie shouting. “Just hang on! We’ll get through this together!”

“Y-yeah!” Marvin nodded, trying to dig in his heels. He could hear some of the scientists muttering something. What were they talking about? Something about something synchronizing? The “feed” from some sort of camera? Were they monitoring something else at the same time as they were watching Marvin and Jackie. “I’ll see you again, Jackie! I promise!”

“I’ll see you!” Jackie shouted.

Then the guards dragged Marvin into the elevator and the doors slid shut.

[lagncx]

doctor levi x reader. breaking pt 1

(he's out of character till next chapter i was trying to get a feel of this modern doctor levi au so like yah no romance yet)

You walked into the room with Levi giggling at his bashfulness “Dr. Levi you know i love visiting you We're like best friends'' You smiled before handing Levi his peach tea “Thank you” Levi smiled up at you “Do you think it'll taste good?” Levi asked, sitting on the counter in the check up room (whatever they have for you to sit in a room and talk to them). Levi had you get him a drink since he's been working more to support him and his wife while she took a break from her job…’yea…break my ass’ you thought your expression changed only for a second. Levi and you have been friends for a while and you were at his wedding even though your body shook seeing the paths with you both breaking apart to just one. Friends. His wife…a whole different story Levi was a sweetheart and was..is absolutely head over heels she was social and kind with you and the others but she started changing getting colder when it came to Levi but it wasn't your business. He actually confided in you a few times about their sex life. Levi’s always been a virgin he was raised to save it for his wife in the future and every party you two went to when girls tried to rub themselves upon him he pushed them off and used you as a crutch saying how you two were a “couple” which is a lie. Fully a lie you've never laid a finger on Levi…well in places you shouldn’t have. So you were ready to hear all about his first time with his wife when he came home from his honeymoon and…nope nothing happened he said

“She said she just wanted to enjoy the sights first.” So they did and Levi waited for her to initiate it…she did not. You remember rolling your eyes and teasing him and he was seriously upset. Not in a bad toxic man way but just hurt like he was scared she didn’t really love him. ‘But fuck it it’s been a year so they’re probably fine and going at it everyday’ you thought to yourself before replying back to Levi “maybe it will. But you did get the recipe off of Pinterest so you might ducking-die or something” you laughed as you stood over him watching him taste it his eyes shined and he licked his top lip “it’s actually good” he said. “So…ready to go home?” You asked, putting your hand in your pockets. For about three days you’ve been driving Levi, his wife was busy and his car was getting repaired and smogged. He grabbed some papers and nodded as he walked into the eerie empty halls of the hospital to the front desk of the floor giving them the papers. You smiled at him as he was gentle with everyone of his peers so gentle he continued their conversations knowing he was deadbeat tired…shit…so were you. You’ll be the bad guy tonight.

“Yes and dr. I told her she needs to take responsibility for her actions or else she’ll get into something she can’t back out fro-“ you pushed Levi gently with a sense of urgency “sorry ma’am it’s late and I hate to pull him away but I am also in a hurry” you smiled so wide your eyes looked shut the lady nodded and understood completely. Levi glared at you which made you suck in a breath his eyes were striking like always as he turned back to the woman. “Even though she’s absolutely out of line and RUDE. Yes we are both tired and without her I have no ride. I will continue with you tomorrow evening ma’am.” Levi smiled and walked on through the door to the elevator. Your job was in the hospital, you weren’t a nurse or something special like a medic or emergency services. You did the cleaning, bedsheets, bathrooms,morgue area. And you used to try and take Levi with you but he’d always freak out and call you a freak cause you didn’t mind standing around in there. Of course not it’s your job and the dude is cool too, Eren was his name and Levi thought he was cool when he first met him till he learned where his position was. Levi thinks you have to be crazy to wanna be around the dead. But almost near the entrance you felt around your pockets and cursed yourself “Levi…shit. I forgot my fucking keys.” Levi turned and looked at you “oh that’s okay let’s go get them. Where are they?” Your eyes looked to the side eyeing the doors and in the windows you could see the black doors behind them down the hall Levi followed your gaze. “Ohhh no. No no no no nononono.” You huffed “Levi it’s just a bunch of bags you don’t even see them out of the bags it’s super quick bet you Eren has seen to them already.” Levi shivered he didn't already like walking the halls of the hospital alone cause it was cold nothing wrong with it just…lonely. He sighed and walked next to you keeping close as you headed closer to what he felt like was his doom.

“Yooohooo! Eren! It’s me y/n I think I left my Keys here. Yea I know how stupid of me” you smiled and Levi’s arm clung to you but you didn’t mind you know how much of a clean freak he was “y/n? Are you wearing your mask?” Eren said walking towards you his jaw slightly hairy and his hair tied back messily his eyes were tired and dim. “Jesus they don’t let you sleep man?” You teased “a lot of work.” He said plainly leaving you just staring at him dumbfounded. You just chuckled “forever a smooth talker. So I kinda left something here fr-“.

Jingle

Eren dangled your keys from his index finger and looked at you before dropping it in your hand “I’ve told you to stop leaving things here” you shrugged “this is the first time!” Levi looked at you both wondering what the fuck you both were talking about “No last time you left your broom. First time it was your phone. Then it progressed to your wallet now your keys. How about I send all your belongings with the corpses?” He glared at you. “So cruel!” You and eren chit chatted before you felt a pull on your sleeve “y/n…let’s go.” Eren looked down at Levi and waved “Dr. Levi! Hi. Never see you around much…how’s life up there with the living?” Eren joked before Levi replied with a quiet “good.” Eren frowned “you don’t like it here?” He asked “…me neither.” Levi looked at eren who was staring at him coldly. You sighed before it could progress pulling Levi with you out the door “Bye Yeager bomb!” You waved and headed outside Roy the cold night wind and the smell of the overcast from the beach since the hospital was so near the beach it was the only upside. Levi sighed “why’d he look at me so…coldly?” You put your hands on your hips and looked down “He doesn’t wanna be there..work there. Years he went to university to be a pro in surgery. But fuck it we all don’t get what we want!” You shrugged pressing the button on your car keys opening the door for Levi “Really? Why hasn’t he brought it up To Erwin?” Levi looked at you as he sat in the car seat. You leaned on the door and looked at him your head on your arms “Guess he sees no point…Eren…he avoids confrontation so I guess the gentle giant intimidated him” you huff looking off into the city streets and cars thinking of Erwin and that time he brought cookies for everyone. “Yea…intimidating.” You closed Levi’s door gently and got in yourself pressing the engine button “heat or ac? It’s cold outside but I mean-“ Levi rolled down his window already answering you as he laid his head against the window frame. You smiled admiring him before you turned back to the windshield. “Alright… groceries than home.” You smiled hearing Levi hummed in agreement

Levi fumbled with the key in his front door “what the fuck? These keys always jam.” You looked at the door then at Levi “Guess I’ll have to call someone to-“ your body pushed Levi against the door “w-what are you-“ you pulled the door towards you both closing it completely then using the key and it opened. “Cant push the door that’s why” you opened the door and from the loss of support on one side Levi stumbled in catching himself and glared at you as you walked in taking off your shoes “Can I use your restroom Levi?” You asked looking around the home the place was dark until Levi turned on the light dimming them. “Go on.” He said as he opened the fridge “you know where it is. Try not to wake up my wife. I think she may be asleep. "You scoffed “Yes sire! I shall keep silent so as to not wake up her majesty!!” He shushed you, scolding you with his brow. You sighed and stood in front of the door of the bathroom ready to leave till you heard voices whispering..too feminine to be Levi and-…too light? To be Levi. His wife and…not him. You left the bathroom and straight to the guest room in front of you seeing the two together as the woman struggled to put her clothes on they both looked at you Silence and the first thing you could think to say

“HOLY SHIT”

[errorscriber]

there's been a lot of talks about shidou's safety in regards to amane now that Purge March has dropped, I would like to give some people peace of mind about amane's threat to shidou. there have been lore drops here and there that implies he'll be fine

21/03/22 (Kazui’s First Trial)

Shidou: Mukuhara-san, you’ve not been looking great ever since you came back.

Kazui: Ahh…… yeah, I still haven’t got back to my usual self huh. Y’know, Shidou-kun…… kids can be really brutal huh. I don’t have any of my own so hadn’t realised until now.

Shidou: Haha, so they are. They won’t listen to the excuses adults make to explain themselves. ……though that’s also what makes them cute.

Kazui: Yeah… You’re really mature, Shidou-kun. By comparison, I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Amane: ……Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behaviour?

Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand.

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand?

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

i know prison isn't really comparable to a hospital, but shidou is a doctor. he's probably met folks who are averse towards medical treatments. we have to also remember he's canonically a father as well. the patience in this man knows no bounds! shidou is the person who knows best that children can get volatile if they go through their word and actually initiate in their tantrums.

in the second trial we've clearly seen him be more proactive and more motivated to interact and help other people in the prison. to me, these conversations shidou has had implies that he'll find a way or be able to defend himself is amane were to do something to him.

maybe let's say, i am grasping for straws here and maybe shidou is gonna be in ruins but for now i want to have faith in that guy. he's tried to be gentle and passive around amane at first from the very beginning, now he knows that type of approach doesn't work. i surely hope he's prepared and i think from these conversations, shidou himself is trying to prepare for what is about to come.

i do want to take amane seriously and respect her wishes not to downplay her as a child but im not gonna try and give her too much power, i don't think she's a Big and Major Threat we should all worry about. i know there are so many variables we have to consider in the second trial towards what to vote. regardless of what you want to vote her this trial, i think our first trial verdict has already locked her thoughts into place anyway.

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

this is my first time doing a post like this so im sorry if there are any misunderstandings i have regarding these conversations. i do hope that maybe you can find some faith that shidou will turn out fine in some way. he's going to beef with a 12 year old. he should start thinking about what to do.

[autisticbee]

Just saw your newest posts about Dan Vs so would you mind sharing those I need my daily dose

Of Dan Vs thoughts? Sure. Here's some random thoughts & hcs. got a little long oops (I can't remember how to do read more on mobile...)

- Mr. Mumbles is immortal. why? Who knows, but it's a silly cartoon so I get to hc the cute kitty as immortal, alright?

- I've seen ppl joke about dan vs """cancel culture""" but the thing is, I think he'd be all for it. I think he'd find it funny. I mean the dude has his own version of a call out list.

- Dan has hypermobility (1. He mentioned having a double jointed thumb 2. I have hypermobility and I say so)

- Chris is pansexual but doesn't realize it until later in life, he honestly had just not thought about it too hard & had only had a few relationships prior to getting married kinda young, all with women, until something leads to him realizing his feelings for Dan are not entirely platonic & it's just like. Oh.

- Dan on the other hand is pretty openly bisexual, he has a preference for men(projecting 🤪) but has (... slightly) better luck with women (men are more likely to want to kill him)

- something, that's not a life or death situation that gets magically reset, prompts Elise to tell Chris the truth about her job. because I hate the fucking person can't tell their partner they're a spy/agent/superhero/what the fuck ever trope it Feels Bad Scoob and Chris has expressed sometimes feeling a lack of communication between them in the show which ):

- speaking of Elise finds out Chris is part bear but in like the most casual way possible

Elise: I'm thinking of making Chris see a doctor, he gets sluggish and strangely irritable during winter months which makes me wonder if he might have seasonal depression.

Dan: nah, that's just the bear part of his DNA

Elise: the. the what.

- Dan and Elise both have C-PTSD (I don't think I have to explain why Dan does, Elise's is from basically being trained as a child soldier & just that she's likely experienced many traumatic things during her job), Elise copes with it mildly better than Dan but she's mostly just better at putting up a front of normality

- also Dan is obviously autistic. he's undiagnosed and doesn't realize until he's in his 20s or 30s. The discovery of noise cancelling headphones make his life a little bit easier

- Chris is also neurodivergent in some way but I haven't narrowed down the flavor yet 😭

- Dan is a trans man this is fact in my head I won't accept anything else, I have like tried to work out timelines and shit just to make it all fit within canon(yes I know most ppl just go screw canon but I just like making things work within it, I'm weird like that). I can't decide if he's had top surgery(post-job at the chicken place, hence the funny note about it) or he just naturally had a small chest and testeorone "masculinized"(for lack of a better word) it somewhat (cause I did prior to going on multiple medications that I could sometimes pass as having a flat chest). He doesn't want bottom surgery cause he doesn't see the point (slightly nsfw: "until they can give me synthetic semen and a prostate I'm not interested"). again mostly projecting there lmao

EDIT: in case this wasn't clear, I mean he sees no point in it for himself, not that he thinks nobody should have bottom surgery

- Dan is a closeted romantic. This is hinted at in canon imo, the thing with the anger management lady is clearly a metaphor for wanting more than a fling. Dan seems to take his romantic attraction to people very seriously, like with Hortence despite not interacting with her much. also his face when Honey kissed him. he's just secretly a big sap who wants to be loved

- Dan is a catboy in spirit. I say in spirit because he has no idea what a catboy is but he's just sooo kitty cat coded. knocks things off tables when annoyed. plays with toilet paper. claws and bites. I hc he meows as a stim with Mr. Mumbles sometimes. Also he hisses at people.

- I know what Chris said in the family cruise ep but I like to think Chris does actually think of Dan as family, mayhaps the holding out the hand scene was a acceptance or realisation of that, maybe that's what the thing he was going to say but forgot towards the end was. this isn't even really a buddyshipping thing it's just that me personally if my best friend didn't consider me family I'd want to jump off a cliff(/j) so I can't handle the thought (seriously though what was Chris going to say. It haunts me.)

- I'll end this on a fuzzy feelings self indulgent headcanon. Dan, Chris and Elise(+ Mr. Mumbles) become a weird little family of ther own. Dan and Elise are like frenemies, who share the same partner, but also deep down they care for each other. platonic love/hate relationship <3

[chordsykat]

10 for all the ladies

10: How is your oc about medical care? Do they avoid any form of healthcare that they can, do they seek it out over every little scrape? Do they treat their injuries/illness all by themselves?

This is an interesting one, isn't it? I know you and I share a mutual medical background too, OP, so this could be fun (or incredibly boring, depending on how you see it, LOL) :D

Nita - Probably the most likely to, *of her own volition*, see an actual doctor/medical professional of the bunch. Nita is the person who gets regular checkups, eye, and dental work done. She's also the most "normal" about drugs. She'll take Advil for pain, Tylenol for really bad pain, and go to the ER if it gets worse than that. I don't see her having many medical ailments or chronic illnesses to speak of. She's also keen to seek out therapy when it comes to her mental health. Caj - As an assassin, she's pretty familiar with the human body's vital signs and various aspects of physiology for that matter. This extends to an ability to self-treat injuries sustained "on the job" based on the necessity to keep their origins secret. Caj has a high tendency to get in over her head and is far less capable of taking care of herself than she'd like to believe, however. Has had some bad experiences with doctors who wouldn't take her seriously until she "quits the drugs and gains weight". Cherry - Hates doctors and hospitals with a passion and insists she has never known one to help her in any way that couldn't be managed with her own brand of self-doctoring. Has had some bad experiences with doctors who wouldn't take her seriously until she "quits the drugs and loses weight". Probably would benefit the most from a mental health professional who could help her work through some of her feelings of inadequacy, but because of those same feelings, just can't seem to find the will to go. Sparkles - Will just *walk it off*, thanks. Cuts, scrapes, dislocated limbs, massive hemorrhaging, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis? No big. She might self-medicate with some booze and weed, but Sparkles doesn't really do a lot of drugs, either. Probably equates trips to the doctor with the animal testing facilities she's liberated countless cute and fuzzy critters from, and therefore doesn't care for them on the basis of appearance, alone. Eden - Doesn't really have anything against modern medicine, but also finds herself in the position of least-likely to need medical attention. Perfectly capable of healing herself thanks to her supernatural gifts.

That one was indeed a hoot and a half. Hope it was as good for you as it was for me. :D

Prompt list is here!

[aaprilshowers]

at this point it might become a series… AT Aide thoughts? Yeah, i’ll call it that.

ANYWAY these are various TCW/TBB characters, the kind of patient i think they would be, and my thoughts of them as a patient. This is my opinion.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL! I NEEDED A MEDICAL SCIENCE CREDIT FOR GRADUATION AND I CHOSE SPORTS MEDICINE!

••••••

Anakin Skywalker- I honestly feel like he would be half competent about his injuries. Emphasis on the HALF… He’d go to see the AT and listen to their advice and just NOT take it.

I’d like the fact that he’d show up and actually “take his injury seriously”… but then he’d show up with the SAME INJURY and i’d want to strangle him.

Obi-Wan Kenobi- I saw someone call him “Obi-Wan ‘if it’s not broken i’m fine’ Kenobi” and honestly i whole heartedly agree. I feel like he dreads the ATs office and REFUSES to go.

I’m under the impression that it would be hell on earth to GET HIM INTO THE OFFICE but when he’s there he actually pays attention and takes it seriously.

Ahsoka Tano- ok so i have many thoughts about this one

Pre-leaving the order: she HATES the ATs office. She’d refuse to go under any circumstance. Sprained ankle? she’ll walk it off. Broken wrist? No big deal. She would rather be ANYWHERE but the AT’s. Post-leaving the order, she’s not partial to it but she takes her injuries more seriously, if she feels like something is wrong, she’ll go.

Pre-leaving, she would be my worst nightmare patient, it would be like playing the worlds most costly game of tag to get her in and on a table. Post-leaving she’s my angel patient, she’s attentive and actually takes care of herself

Captain Rex- Similarly to post-order Ahsoka it’s not his favorite spot but he’ll go, different from Ahsoka he’ll only go if his injury is like… concerning my severe. He’d come in and be like “ok i’m here and i think i subluxed my shoulder” and my ass would go “HUH?”

One of the more difficult ones, when he’s actually on the table though he’s a relatively easy person to diagnose and treat.

Kix- I LOVE KIX HES MY FAVORITE not only that, he’s a medic so he UNDERSTANDS the importance of care. I feel like theres a stereotype with doctors/medics that they won’t get care for themselves but i don’t think that’s true at all, especially in this case. He’s so on his personal well-being. The only thing i think is he’s a tenant bit skiddish when someone else is treating him 🗿

ANGEL ANGEL ANGEL the best patient. i mean he’s probably yelling at everyone else to take care of themselves why wouldn’t he advocate for himself?

Commander Cody- Another one who doesn’t enjoy the Med bay/ATs office but he’ll go. He’s a commander and he sets the example so if he doesn’t do what should be done no one will 💀

He’s a good patient. I can’t really say much more beyond that because he shows up, he listens AND he follows direction. Stellar.

Crosshair- Now we get into the slander because i feel like TBB is the WORST when it comes to medical checks. Personally, i love Crosshair but i have this headcanon that he has the WORST posture so he probably has some spinal issues (takes one to know one my spine is fucked). However, whenever he has an injury he needs attending, no fuss he’s in the office getting examined and any recovery advice he’s given he takes. I feel like he and hunter are the most competent about getting checkups.

Personally i would love to have crosshair as a patient because i don’t think he’d be an office frequent. In my opinion he’s definitely not injured frequently and when he does get injured he’s not going to the AT because someone told him to, he’s there to recover. 10/10

Hunter- Like i said, he’s more health check conscious. I don’t think he necessarily enjoys is ATs office but he’ll begrudgingly go.

not a terrible patient. but i get the impression he’d zone out and i’d have to check if he’s still paying attention. he might come back with a similar injury a few times but he’s probably ok.

Tech- Tech refuses. I cannot tell you WHY he refuses but he does. he’d probably say some shit like “it’s not a necessary course of action” while having a concussion or something like bitch get your ass in the AT office i swear to god.

Not Ahsoka level avoidance. I feel like if i’d drag his ass to the office he’d sit and listen (with great difficulty because hes 6’4” and i’m 5’2) but other than that if no one forces him he just like… won’t go.

Echo- Another conscious one but i feel like he has major anxiety surrounding any medical office… i don’t enjoy the doctors either when i’m on the patient side so i sort of get it.

pretty good patient. i think i’d have some difficulty but over all he’s not bad.

Wrecker- I really don’t know what to make of Wrecker because i feel like he’s mega ADHD so it’s not that he’d NOT go i just think he’d do what i do and forget. Like i’ve gotten injured and fully been like “i’ll go to the dr” and i’ve just forgotten to go. So it’s not that hes a chronic avoider he just needs to remember to go.

I feel like when he actually remembers to go he’s pretty conscious of what’s being said. He probably wouldn’t follow every single step to the T but he’s pretty good.

Omega- My sweet baby angel. She’s not injured very often, rarely ever which automatically makes her my favorite. Beyond that, she grew up around Nala Se who was a Kaminoan medical professional so she’s comfortable in a doctors office.

She’s my favorite. Her and Kix are literally the best patients ever you can’t change my mind on this.

ONCE AGAIN:

1: these are all just my opinion

2: I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL! IM A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT WHO AIDES THE SCHOOL AT! If you need medical advice CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #184

Are either of your parents engaged but not married yet? No; my mom hasn't really dated anyone since my parents split, but my dad remarried; it was apparently his current wife's idea though because she's very religious and didn't want to live together but not be married.

Do you cuddle with your pet (if you have one)? Yes.

What college did you want to attend as a kid? NC State.

Do you have a pet gecko? No, but I do WANT a fat-tailed gecko one day.

Are you scared of reptiles? Not at all, I love reptiles.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? lol of course, who hasn't at some point.

Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been? Blue Ridge Mountains. I've ridden through the Appalachians when going to Tennessee to visit my brother as a kid, but we didn't actually stop to spend time there. I have very faint memories of it being fucking stunning, though.

Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? Girt.

About what things are you most selfish? Alone time. I know I become really unpleasant if I seriously need but can't get it in that moment.

Are you camera shy? Why/why not? Yes, because I think I basically always look ugly.

What is one small thing your significant other does that makes you happy? If you are single, what is one small thing a friend does to make you happy? He's really good at catching how my anxiety might interpret something he says or does, and when he does, he'll immediately clarify so my brain doesn't wander to bad places. He does this even on occasions where I didn't over-evaluate, and I appreciate it A LOT.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? Two.

Who was the last person to give you flowers? Girt.

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Internet, easy.

Do you like BBQ sauce? No, I actually hate it.

Did the last person you kissed ever give you a hickey? It's not something he generally does and I don't think he means to either, but yes.

How many subscribers do you have on your YouTube channel? 74, apparently. I haven't uploaded anything in years.

If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pink, hypothetically. I know that's generally a custom thing though, and I would not pay extra just for the color to be pink. Out of "normal" colors, I'd definitely pick burnt orange.

What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home" has slapped since 2004 and it's never gonna stop.

What was the last thing you were mad at a doctor about? My fucking wonderful psychiatrist was going to have me stop a medication cold-turkey (one I'd been on for a long time, btw); it was my mother, NOT the professional, who was like "wait shouldn't we wean her off of this?", and this fucking idiot was like "oh yeah let's do that." The place I'm currently going to for psychiatry is fucking insufferable and has a horrific reputation on a large scale, like there is ZEEEEEEERO excuse for A PSYCHIATRIST to plan on abruptly stopping a psych med, never mind one that's deeply settled in my system. That shit can be catastrophic, this is common fucking knowledge for people who are medicated for mental illnesses.

Is your mother a lesbian? No, she's straight.

Do any of your close friends NOT have a Facebook account? Yeah.

Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? No, definitely not for me.

When was the last time you swam in a pool? Like a week and a half ago; my mom and I went to our friends' Summer and Lolita's house to hang out, it was a great time. I got burned a bit though.

What was the last thing you said out loud? I thanked Mom for dinner.

Have you ever wanted to be a nurse? No.

Who or what do you worship? Nothing. Nature would be the closest, but "worship" isn't the right word for my relationship with it. I don't see actual divinity in it, I just immensely respect it.

What was the last song you listened to on repeat? uhhhh actually good question

What song do you want played at your wedding? Do you mean like, the first dance song? Because I definitely want many songs to be played throughout the whole event, I'm totally making a playlist lmao. I'm not certain, but a part of me wants "If It's Love" by Train, it's one of my favorite love songs ever and is so fun and celebratory. I'd want my spouse to have a say too, though; the wedding isn't just mine.

What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on? I don't know, really.

If applicable, what song are you listening to right now? None, I'm watching a Super Best Friends Play video.

If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? Alaska, Arizona, and Wyoming.

Have you ever donated blood? Twice now, and I absolutely wanna do it more often following this last time; it was very fulfilling, and getting an email so quickly after about where specifically my donation was used (West Virginia) was truly profound, like I know I did something that mattered immensely to somebody.

Would you rather attend a yoga class or a Zumba class? Yoga; I used to do it daily and I truly loved it. I got in the best shape of my life with it.

Have you written anything down today? Yeah I keep track of when I have a soda in my calendar/planner with an "x" on the day I have one, and I did today.

Do you own a pair of pink pants? I have a pair of pink with white polka dots pajama pants, but not a kind I'd wear in public.

Do you normally eat healthy? Saying "healthy" feels like a lie, but I definitely don't make a habit of eating very unhealthy either, and I've gotten better with it over time; I'm more conscious of what I'm putting in. I do have bad streaks too though, especially with being an emotional eater dealing with depression and such. My mental health is truly what kills my ability to properly diet, because when I'm sad or dealing with anhedonia, I want to eat something.

What is the best compliment you’ve ever received? It hits me really deep when Girt has told me I make him a better person. I make plenty of mistakes, and sometimes I can't see past them myself, so it means so fucking much to me to hear I even inspire goodness in others.

Do you believe in miracles? No; a "miracle" is just science we don't understand yet. Things don't happen for no reason, that's not how the world works.

What are three ways in which you are not normal? I'm mentally ill, neurodivergent, and uhhh... idk, my weight? It qualifies as obese and that's not the textbook figure of a human, I guess. I feel weird answering with that though because I don't want to make it sound as if being obese makes someone not "normal."

Which genre of music do you listen to the most? I think industrial metal.

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No.

Does your best friend have a job? He does; he's been there like ten years though and he's very done with his current position, so he's anxiously waiting to hear back about a different position in the company. Poor thing's been worrying himself to death about it.

Do you ever visit people at work? Not really; on one occasion Mom and I did bring Girt lunch, and I definitely WANT to keep doing that for pretty much ever, but it's not a regular occurence obviously. Non-employees can't even go in the building, he had to take a looong walk to the parking lot, lol.

When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents' house? Absolutely. I thoroughly intend to invite my mom over for dinner once a week, but I'd also be totally fine with visiting her for it sometimes, too. It tears my mom the fuck apart how Ashley and Nicole make her feel so uninvolved, unseen, and unloved, and I fucking will not do the same.

Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant? I generally will if there's a good amount left, otherwise I don't see the point in scraps, really.

Have you ever ghost rode the whip (put your car on auto and dance next to it as it’s moving)? Do you want to? I remember when this first started and I think it's probably the fucking dumbest Internet trend I have EVER seen.

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? If you're excluding Girt since he's the current person I like, then it's because she was honestly a terrible "friend" to me that made me feel like the biggest annoyance/inconvenience to engage with. Then, y'know, the Nazi thing. Supposedly she left that ideology behind but frankly I don't believe her for half a second, it's not like she hasn't made a long-going habit of lying online.

What do you think of long-term relationships? That's always my goal, getting into a relationship. I don't do flings and stuff like that; if I'm in a relationship with you, you can be confident that I want this with you, if things go right.

Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? I guess I do? It kinda depends on what you classify as truly social media, too. I try to keep things pretty up-to-date.

When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? lol Mom has.

When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? I got my most recent tattoo finished in... May, I think? It's been a very long time since I got a piercing, but I want more of both of those. I think my next tat will be one that covers my "ohana" one on my collarbone; I'm thinking a snake coming from behind my back and over that upper right part of my chest. I'm just so not a person who's meant to have this tattoo; I'll leave anyone behind if they turn to shit, I don't care what we once had, and besides, I got it as a thing with someone I can't stand anymore anyway. Do yourself a favor and NEVER get a tattoo whose worth is tied to another person, I've done a bad job at that.

Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? No, because the USA is a country that is shit and smells like shit but the shit itself doesn't realize it's shit.

Are you any good at packing a suitcase? NOOOOOO, packing actually REALLY stresses me out because I'm convinced I won't put everything in "right."

Have you ever had a white hot chocolate? What did you think? I never have, no. I don't prefer white chocolate, it's too sweet to me.

Do you ever get eczema? Yeah, on my hands and arms, generally.

Have you ever mowed a lawn? No, this honestly sounds like hell.

Is there anyone you would do literally anything for? No, and I think this is a very unhealthy mentality to have. I wouldn't murder someone just 'cuz my mom asked me to.

Have you ever done a “knock-and-run” prank? I'm guessing you're referencing ding dong ditch, in which case, no. It's stupid.

Have you ever stabbed a friend in the back, intentionally or not? I mean, I guess not keeping an old friend's Nazism a secret when she was very serious about me doing so is technically stabbing her in the back. It's not something I regret doing though, because I don't protect the feelings of Nazis.

What’s the longest you’ve ever slept in one go? I'm not sure. It was either an occasion when I spent the night with Jason but didn't fall asleep until like 6 AM and woke up like 12 hours later (I remember this because I had an extreme panic attack over my daily rhythm being completely thrown off, like I woke up at sunset), or maybe a time when I had my concussion, or maybe a migraine incident. Maybe the time I finally passed out asleep after a three-day manic streak, but I can't quite remember when I intially woke up, around dawn-ish.

Have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? No.

Have you ever worked two jobs at once? No, I've never been able to maintain even one job...

Who does most of the housework around your house? My mom, admittedly. I've definitely gotten better about it though as my legs have improved.

Do you enjoy the smell and taste of cinnamon? Absolutely.

[zanarkandfayth]

blah blah talking about my health cos I feel like it, ignore if you're just here for fandom stuff

went for my post-op follow-up monday and finally, finally got a fucking name for what's been wrong with me. am not going to bother googling for the official name again lmao but basically it's chronic (not acute) gallbladder disease. no stones whatsoever, just my gallbladder deciding to give up the ghost and getting inflamed over and over for years and scarring each time and that's why for the past three or four years food has made me gradually more and more sick to my stomach and left in pain after eating until last summer when it finally erupted into the pain that sent me to urgent care who sent me to the ER (yay, more debt I'll never pay).

on the one hand, I'm so goddamned relieved to finally have a diagnosis and KNOW that I'm not fucking imagining it or making it up after all my tests and scans kept coming back as negative/normal (mostly cos no stones, but who knows why the HIDA one showed nothing wrong), but on the other hand, I mentioned the nausea and pain to my GP when it first started and he fucking dismissed the nausea entirely as caused by my acid reflux and wanted to put me on medication for IBS "to see if it helps" without actually TESTING me at all for IBS, it was just because of the stomach pain and absolutely no fucking other typical symptoms (I refused, btw, after googling and seeing that it could CAUSE issues if you took meds and didn't have IBS) and I can't help but feel like it wouldn't have gotten nearly so bad if he'd taken me seriously from the start and referred me to a specialist instead of dicking around and doing fuck-all for a few years. and because I'm poor as fuck and have no insurance, finding a new doctor wasn't an option for me. ugh. hate the state of healthcare in this fucking country. so my relief is kinda soured by that.

anyways, it can take up to two months for my body to adjust and I might always struggle to eat certain things so I'm still kinda hrgh about it and food is still miserable right now, but if I could just get back to being able to eat most of my normal things I could live with that, so... fingers crossed I guess. also the incisions STILL haven't healed, though I finally got the steri-strips off, but tbh that's just made it even harder to not scratch... it's absolutely killing me, I need them to just scar so fucking badly hhhhhh.

also I still have my chronic fatigue and other health problems that I couldn't get my doctor to take seriously, so that's fun. but he left the clinic a few months ago so maybe whoever is going to replace him will be more willing to listen to me. I'm so tired of being tired and if I have to be tired, I want some fucking disability so I can at least buy my own goddamn groceries.

the end. I ate earlier so I'm actually feeling sick so I'm going to reread the last few chapters of my fic and then maybe I'll actually be capable of writing, if the brain fog isn't too bad. stupid fatigue.

[beckitty]

I had an IUD put in to manage my endometriosis. I was told, like others, it would be a "little pinch" and to have some paracetamol before going to the appointment to cover "discomfort". I also had a hysteroscopy and biopsy done at the same time.

The hysteroscopy was fine, more uncomfortable than painful. The biopsy hurt, but I figured cutting part of my uterus away probably should, and brushed it of. The IUD insertion was a nightmare though. The doc went in with no anesthetic, and couldn't get my cervix open. Apparently I have scarring on it. So they decide to inject anasthetic into the cervix.

You know when you go to the dentist, and they have to inject anaesthesia into your gum, and it always hurts? Yeah, imagine that on an already hurting cervix.

After a few minute they decide I'm probably numb enough, and start trying again. It takes over half an hour and multiple attempts with an increasing amount of equipment for them to finally get the fucker in. All the time I'm breathing through the pain, reminding myself that it's not that bad, women have these done all the time. Then I get left to clean myself up and get dressed, and get to sit in a waiting room to recover until I'm ready to go.

It hurt, but I coped right? I was warned I might have some pain that could be managed with paracetamol and ibuprofen afterwards. Jokes on me, my pain got worse, and worse, and worse. Keep in mind I was on the 7th month of a period at that point, so if I had any bleeding or discharge from the surgery I couldn't tell.

I was told I could call the ward for help if I had a problem, so I did. They told me repeatedly that pain after this was normal, I was fine. I tried for 3 weeks to cope, until I collapsed, sobbing in pain in the middle of a nursing lecture.

The advantage of collapsing where I did was having access to nurses who specialised in women's health and pain management there, who were on the verge of calling me an ambulance, despite the fact that the medical school is very literally a 5 minute walk away from the women's hospital, and that's if you walk slow and don't take the shortcuts. I called the ward again, while one of my lecturers, a women's health specialist, stayed with me. The ward repeated that "some pain is normal", and my lecturer heard, and saw red. She got the name of the nurse on the ward, and ended the call. She helped me arrange an emergency appointment with my gp, since she doubted I would get the care I needed on that ward, and she later put in a complaint to the hospital and the NMC about the nurse in question.

I get to my gp, who gives me an extremely gentle pelvic exam. It still hurts like a motherfucker, but she tried. She told me she couldn't see my cervix properly as there was too much swelling in the area, and that might explain the fever I was running too. Yep, I had a massive infection, and if I hadn't had the gp take me seriously I would probably have missed it. I was in agony from a raging infection, but my pain was dismissed as normal and not worth worrying about.

The very worst thing about my story is I didn't need to say it. It's not new, it's not unusual, it's a common experience with a few personal details.

Also, this is from a Cochrane review of local anesthesia for uterine interventions from 2013:

We found that no technique provided reliable pain control in the 26 included studies. Some studies reported that women experienced severe pain (mean scores of 7 to 9 out of 10) during uterine intervention, irrespective of the analgesic technique used. ... We suggest that woman are likely to consider the rates and severity of pain during uterine interventions when performed awake to be unacceptable in the absence of neuraxial blockade

I hate how womens pain is dismissed as irrelevant or exaggerated, and how this is tied into sexual and gynacological care. And I'm so fucking glad I've found a doctor who actually listens and believes me, and is willing to give me a hysterectomy so I can opt out of this cycle of pain and bullshittery.

so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

[im-always-the-problem-its-me]

good god, spring is coming. it seems to have a bone to pick with me already. odd joint pain (happening too early), no appetite (good, i need to be thinner), that good 'ole "general feeling of malaise" doctors are so fond of. what does that even mean other than it's the state of my existence?

"too old for an eating disorder"

yeah, so i'm relapsing late. maybe i woke up and realized "hey, i really hate my body and i know how to handle this"? maybe too many people have used words like "hefty", "fluffy", or the sentence that pushed me over the edge ("until you lose a considerable amount of weight...") in regards to me that made me feel ten billion times worse than i already did about how my lack of mobility has seriously affected my weight and already fucked body image.

so what if it was some fucked up person who is dealing with their own disordered eating and body image issues? so what if everyone else says they don't understand how i could possibly think i'm fat considering that nowadays 'body positivity' is such a thing and that they'd "kill to look like" me? so what? none of it changes the fact that i'm barely eating and feeling weak but wonderful.

it's not dangerous level. i know that. i'm just losing weight like most people do when they want to try to. i can't exercise properly so i have no choice but to limit. not like i can eat anything "bad" lately anyway due to my warped organs and chronic inflammation causing even the "good" things to make me nauseated and regret i even ate at all. i'm not dying. medically, anyway. maybe psychologically i'm already dead but again, so what?

i'm not even bothering with any more doctors in this state because i'm tired of it. i'll figure out which specialists to see once i move. i don't even know when that's going to be yet but hopefully if not this summer, then fall. if i have to wait for winter again, whatever, but it better be this year or i'll lose my mind for real.

just one phone call. my mental stability hangs in the balance of the one phone call where the affordable apartment i'm hoping for finally is vacant. i was told i might find out this month but i'm not holding out hope for that. i don't have much hope left in general.

tired of being bothered by the old flame who won't stop texting me even though i've told him i'm done with this. it's all worthless bs and it's too complicated. plus, i'm preoccupied with another and it's none of his business. i'm a moth. these old flames keep sucking me into them and all of it is a bad idea but at least i have a psychic connection with the one i want to talk to while the other is flaky and probably just bored. i'm too far away from both of them so it's safe. i saw the one a year ago, then we hit a bad patch, but thankfully we're better now. i saw the flaky one a few months ago and then he's become obsessed or something. whatever. nothing to do but be vague about both of them. they're both secrets that are probably making me sicker.

i keep trying religiosity as a coping mechanism and that's not working. centering prayer. meditation. rituals and ceremonies. they feel empty and worthless. everything does.

i'm too numb for anything. i can't even enjoy watching movies or reading. my mind starts drifting away into a black abyss and it's so strange. i don't even know what i'm thinking about half the time. i stare at my 'to watch' list or my stack of books on my bedside table and just wish. i stare at the blank pages in my notebook trying to will a poem. "what happened?" "you haven't written anything in forever..." "working on anything new?" i don't know...i know...no. it's too late for me. maybe i've already written all i needed to so now i'm dried up. it's this desert. i'm done with it.

too bad no matter how far away i go from it there will still be this desert inside me to contend with.