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#i hate feeling weird and gross I NEVER. feel weird and gross
ghouldtime · 3 days
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Random Rant on Fanfic Pet Names
Let me say this is more me screaming into the great unknown because it's something that I KEEP seeing and it keeps irking me and causing me to cringe out of my skin. Putting it under the read more, it's just a rant mainly about the COD fandom, you're not missing anything if you don't read this
Disclaimer: I mean absolutely no hate to the writers who do this. Because you should be writing what makes YOU happy and what YOU like to write. Writing is unique and independent to each individual and just because I don't like something doesn't mean that it's inherently bad or shouldn't be done. You do you, you go on your own journey - just cause we both like hiking doesn't mean we have to take the same trail or that one path is better than the other. Judging people like that who write different than you is nasty and policing harmless writing over little things is stinky sock sniffer behavior. Just cause it's my yuck doesn't mean it is everyone's and I don't expect everyone to agree with me nor is my point meant to be an objective truth or statement. It's literally just my feelings and I need to yell about it
The COD fandom in particular I've seen is atrocious for doing this. But I abhor when they make the characters use pet names like "pet" and "little girl" or "little boy".
Especially when they've literally JUST met
Every time I see it I immediately have to exit off the fic as I gag. I swear it's instinctive at this point. You know those videos of cats who do the extremely dramatic gagging when they smell something they slightly don't like? That's me. 110%
It comes up and I look at the page like this
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It just feels so so gross to me and has this icky undertone that I cannot stand. And I don't know if I'm reading into it too much or if this is just me a me thing but I swear to any gods above this keeps happening. It's done so much I have tried putting filters on specifically to avoid it
It strikes me as so odd??? Like why that out of everything. Why something emphasizing age/maturity or treating the reader like they're a possession when it's a regular ass fanfic.
It makes my skin crawl and the possessive/dismissive undertones there are NOT cute. It always reads as ignoring reader's autonomy and treating them more like an object or thing instead of a person. When they just met too or the relationship really doesn't call for it or where it would be weird, it's just shoehorned in and I reallllly really really hate it oh man.
Like if it's established and is a fic where it's like "hey, this is what this is going to be! We're doing a nsfw/bdsm-y undertones here! That's the vibe!" Then great! Fantastic! That lines up, you're expecting that. Not when it's like a fluff fic or supposed to be super causal
I see this mainly with Ghost in fan fics. For some reason, he seems to be numero uno when it comes to calling reader "pet" as a form of endearment. I'm so sorry but I can't ever see him doing that. The guy who has extensive trauma with animals from his childhood, who would take an IMMENSE amount of time forming a close bond with someone to ever get into a relationship (following the comics for his history anyhow which is what I've seen most people do, Ghost has literally seen his family killed and has been through so so much trauma it's wild and the dude has a lot going on mentally), calling someone he cares about a pet??? I just don't see it happening. I sure as shit don't think he'd do that to near strangers either. Even if you ignored that past history for him or write Ghost different -that's just a flat out weird thing to call someone you don't know and has the implications of ownership/subservience on that person's part. Doing that to someone you REALLY do not know is insane
And the little girl/boy one used in conjunction with an age gap??? No??? That's just. So many shades of ew to me and is really putting emphasis on the wrong thing there (at least how I see it and in the context of the fic. I've never seen it used appropriately unless the reader is meant to be a literal child and it's a platonic fic. Context matters). ESPECIALLY when they emphasize reader is young (as in, barely legal, just turned 18/19 or heck even 20). Which I also keep seeing too when it is used. I'm not here for that reallllly creepy vibe that sounds like something you'd eventually hear about on Dateline or in a youtube exposé video
Like y'all. Anyone being shipped with them should be a grown ass adult because THEY are all grown ass adults. For me the little is never emphasizing size when paired with a gendered term, it's emphasizing how small their age is and that's wacky. Maybe that's just a me problem but when I hear "little girl" or "little boy", I'm thinking of a kid. Because girl/boy are most commonly used for children and when you're pairing it with little there, that's what you're emphasizing and you're practically guaranteeing that image.
Be real, if a guy you JUST met who you don't find attractive sneers and says, "Be quiet, pet." or "hush little girl/boy, " you wouldn't find that hot, you'd find that creepy. It's only excused because you're attracted to the character and find them hot. I'm picking a fight, I'm throwing hands if that's dropped on me in the real world out there. Probably not because I'm too non-confrontational but you bet im cringing and giving him the most:
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look I can absolutely muster.
Maybe this is just a me thing and I'm losing my marbles. Or maybe it's the fact that I've had that happen to me where a dude I barely know called me "little girl/boy" (despite me being older?? and like the same height?????) and I just died on the inside viscerally that day
For the record if someone pulls the 'pet' card, I'm living up to it. I'm puking on the carpets somewhere in the dark at 3am, I'm yelling at the mailman and doorbells, I'm doing parkour off the couch when you're trying to sleep. Why the absolute hell are you calling someone you JUST MET that when it isn't even supposed to be that kinda nsfw fic.
It's one thing if the vibe is established and the tags are there and you know what you're getting into. But I lose my mind when it's a casual fluff or meant to be romantic and then all of a sudden, BAM THERE IT IS AGAIN.
It makes it so hard to read fics because it's like roulette, I swear I'm always suddenly hit with it and there goes my interest in trying again 🥲
To anyone who read this i admire your courage and akbwdbkawd im having a moment over here
(And hopefully everyone is having a snazzy day! 💚💚💚 my inbox is always open if you ever need to vent or need someone to talk to or want to join me yelling into the void)
Rant over,
Ghoul out
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I fucking hate antis. I used to be one, and I am still SURROUNDED by all this “liking fictional CSA means you’re icky and one of the bad victims and YOU WILL DO IT IRL!!!!” Bullshit.
People I admire and look up to end up saying it. My “friends” end up saying it. It’s everywhere. I often feel like I can’t trust anyone, not even my close friends who have already told me they don’t care what I’m into.
it’s terrifying. ive seen what antis have done to us, I’ve seen how easy it is for people like me to be exposed. I’ve seen how people will see you as nothing but the filth that soils everybody’s shoes; or the sick, drooling predators just waiting to strike. I’ve seen how people are isolated, abandoned, and even driven to kill themselves because Society just doesn’t fucking like freaks. And everybody on this app says that “most people are proship!!! It’s the normal opinion!! We’re the normal ones!!! ”
I CAN NEVER BELIEVE IT. where the fuck do you live??? People abhor my gayness. People abhor my true gender identity. People abhor the way I carry myself as an autistic person. PEOPLE HATE, SO FUCKING MUCH, and they hate what they think is weird. People don’t even get that Lolita isn’t endorsing what the main character does. if it’s so normal, then why is it so much MORE normal for people to react to the concept of lolicon with “oh, they must be nasty hairy pedophiles living in their mothers basements with tons of CP. it should be illegal!”? if it’s so normal, why is it more normal for self-righteous video essay YouTubers to treat “booktok girlies” like crass, pitiful zoo animals for liking taboo shit in their spice novels? Why do they always come to the conclusion that they’re all stupid old cunts who could never tell the difference between fictional abuse and real abuse?
if it’s so normal, then why is it more normal for people to make this fake binary of “proper, real sexual violence fiction” and “filthy, romanticizing sexual violence fiction?”
People in general Might understand you if you just say you make art about dark subjects. They might be “normal” about that.
But I know full and well that it would be a different story if I bring up fictional incest or CSA. It would be an especially different story if I mentioned that its not to cope with trauma, just to get off on.
…I probably have trust issues, and I have antis to thank for that. It’s getting so common in the media. I’m so sick of people telling me it’s commonly accepted. It is NOT. What I write is gross, triggering to most and seen as immoral to SO many people. Even people I love.
I make new friends, but I don’t let them get close. I’m always terrified/constantly thinking about them discovering that I’m a freak and leaving me— or worse, outing me to others. it’s actually why I’m too scared to start posting like I used to on tumblr. I know what I am. I don’t try to delude myself into thinking I’m “normal.” I am not, and maybe that’s okay.
I hate antis for what they’ve shaped me into. How their rhetoric that I clung to in fear for so long had shaped me into an uncaring, virtue-signaling asshole. I hate them for how I crumbled when I discovered I had become the very thing that my friends and role models swear to destroy. I hate their logic for getting into almost every fucking crevice of the internet and even my peers’ beliefs. This stuff ruined my mental state.
———
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ethernetmeep · 1 year
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everythings fine except the curtains are on fire and oh fuck the house is on fire but its not just the house its me too and im sitting in the kitchen on a chair on fire and. I . Am not having a good time. Holy fuck i havent been having a good time for like two hours
#cybers vent territory#yeah…#ignore this its like 12 am here but#oh my GOD im not okay right now#like i feel so gross#i took a bath earlier too im not even actually dirty i just feel… eurgh#ive felt like this for a few hours and have been trying to ignore it but it just sucks#and i hate it cause. i dont wanna feel like this#i hate feeling weird and gross I NEVER. feel weird and gross#but i do right now because i just got reminded and.. ugh#i keep reminding myself and being dumb#so its like essentially my fault im just. eurgh im a mess#it does not help i feel SO uncomfortable and im not even doing anything im just sitting here#uggh… i dont like it..#maybe its all my emotions i wasnt feeling spilling out at night or something.. idk…#all i know is i am. feeling gross. and i hate it.#i literally dont know what to do to stop feeling this way..#but ill be fine.. probably#oh boy! i sure do hope i learn how to balance my own needs! pukes everywhere#BUT THATS THE THING i know.. how to.. i think.. im just. dumb#like i know when to take alone time. but im also a dumbass#i could be spoonfed warnings and still walk through cause i wanna be nice and wanna be curious and just. make myself upset#like right now#like im upset. not upset like mad but. uncomfortable. nauseous. because im being Stewpit#does that make sense???#i donr know#i dont really care actually its very late#ill probably delete this at some point#who knows#anyway im back to pokemon or. sleep. i donr know what ill be doing.. just trying to get less ‘i want die’ feeling
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oceanwithouthermoon · 11 days
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i posted abt this on my tiktok story but i need to rant more so im putting it here 😭😭 the way a lot of mikosai shippers (on tiktok, pinterest, reddit, etc) are is such a big reminder to me of why i hate the strictly romantic soulmates trope with every fiber of my being 😭😭😭 people who interpret soulmates as "that means theyre canonically together" regardless of how the characters actually feel about each other and if they ACTUALLY get together is so fucking gross to me oh my god its so fucking gross i hate forced romance so bad 😭😭 someone cant just say "hey, we're soulmates so you HAVE to date me and its literally weird and impossible for you to like anyone else because i said so!!" and also aiura WOULDNT do that anyway ???? HELLOOO???
you have no idea how many people ive seen call all saiki ships with anyone other than aiura "problematic ships" just because "theyre soulmates"
#SOULMATES DOES NOT MAKE A COUPLE CANON <333#'she SAID theyre soulmates so that means hes HERS now and its gross for u to think he liked anyone else'#hey thats actually... really bad!! hey she actually cant and wouldnt force him to date her!!! hey what the fuck!!!#not a mikosai hate post#only weird forced romance likers hate post <3#if someone doesnt like someone then they dont like them... them being soulmates doesnt change that...#thats actually just not how it works and the idea that that WOULD be how it works is gross#and a lot of the fics ive read of them end up with aiura being all 'ha i told you so! i knew id break u eventually!'#'i knew id get to u if i just kept calling u my boyfriend without permission and saying we're soulmates!'#which like not only would she not do that... its also just really gross#like u really thought 'he doesnt like her so she wears him down and doesnt leave him alone until he relents' and like... u went with that?#oh...#weird...#idk maybe im crazy and also im having a hard time phrasing any of this#but it just brings up so many consent issues and it makes me really uncomfortable#like according to THOSE shippers it wouldnt be by his own will or feelings if he eventually fell in love with her#it would just be because the universe said so and he never had any choice#mikosai is so cute when u think of it in like the totally opposite way#in MY opinion i love mikosai AFTER aiura accepts that soulmates doesnt mean he HAS to date her#that HAS to happen before they date and THEN theyre really cute#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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sumplysilly · 2 months
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He would not fucking be able to form emotional connections with others
He would not fucking feel empathy for others
He would not fucking be able to sustain any type of relationship
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blitz0hno · 5 months
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Me pondering: kids are capable of going through and understanding complex problems and their feelings should be taken seriously when it counts.
Me practically: who are all these annoying fucking kids in the milgram fandom and why are they posting the worst takes and most irrelevant bullshit I've ever seen ever???
I think these are valid to coexist.
#haterposting sorry lile kids like amane?#w ACTUAL maturity and intelligence? yes hear them out!!#some 13-year-old posting drivel about “ships” when it's completely irrelevant#or missing the point of very complex plot points bc they are Literally Not The Age Demographic and Actually Dont Understand It?#im SO SORRY i am not gonna b mean to anyone but I WILL HATE THEM FROM AFAR#GO BACK TO BNHA OR DANGANRONPA U ARE ACTUALLY MAKING THE SPACES LOWER QUALITY BY BEING HERE#like obviously it does not matter at all lmao kids will do whatever#i was watching bojack horseman at 13 thinking i was So Smart i don't get to talk#but to be fair i NEVER missed the point as bad as some milgram kiddies in the YouTube side of the fandom#like no “wrong” way to enjoy things but imo they legitimately need to enjoy something else#but literally if your only takeaway from this project is “omg ship cute characters silly”#but you still insist on joining discussion spaces? god please leave#I DON'T HATE MINORS I DON'T DISCRIMINATE i just think the minors who legitimately have nothing to add should shut the fuck up#sorry livechat got me wildin lmaooooo idc that much but like it's a weird contrast#cuz my general genuine feelings for most situations is “yeah listen to kids' perspectives wholeheartedly”#but like ONLINE kids who post about nonsense that has nothing to do with what others are trying to discuss? godddd they legit need to leave#nothing against shipping either long as ur not Gross#(coughbitchesshippingwholeadultawunderagecharacterscough)#but if that's ALL YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT there are way better fandoms for that leave the milgram creators aloooone lmao#minors who actually Think about shit this does not apply to you obviously lol#if ur smart ur smart if you contribute u contribute#but like try to let urself be a kid sometimes too lol
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northern-passage · 2 years
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if the only way you know how to criticize my handling of Lea is to somehow blame Merry and also Trans Women™️ as a whole then i’m going to be honest: your criticisms are not going to be the ones i listen to. it’s very strange to me now that both times i’ve had people specifically bring up Merry when talking about Lea and also follow it up with, and i quote: “people only care about trans women.” this monolithic Trans Women you keep blaming has nothing to do with the decisions i’ve made about Lea, and i’m begging you to think for like 2 seconds and realize what you are saying and how you sound right now. i’m not even trying to change your mind or your feelings regarding Lea, that conversation has been had many times over at this point, but you have got to stop blaming trans women for.... being more oppressed than you ? come on
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13eyond13 · 9 months
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#so far in my sporadic picking away at various manga series i feel i have the weirdest reader relationships with JJBA and Attack on Titan#when reading JJBA i am not really that invested in the characters or even whats happening to them and yet i still never decide to dnf it#and i dont even know what it is that keeps me reading except that its just very unique i suppose?#such an odd combo of different things that somehow manages to eventually have its own sorta cohesive logic and charm#also the art is just fun. its ornate and goofy and macho and flamboyant and gross#but as soon as i put it down i stop thinking about it too#and dont feel like picking it up again for at least several more days#with attack on titan i found the art style mostly really bad at first ngl#it reminded me of awkward drawings a high schooler would make like the inconsistentness#of like there are good action poses here but the people also look weird ugly bland and stiff and the backgrounds are often so empty#idk i was feeling pretty blah about it but something about how starkly straight-forward the story is was interesting to me#where its literally exactly what you heard its just#theres a bunch of humanoid giants attacking our city#and we have to stop them. that's it#and also the awkwardness of the art style i find works extremely well when it comes to the titans#like they are genuinely creepy to me. and they do actually feel massive the way theyre drawn. and the mystery around them interests me too#anyways im like 60% through part 1 of jojo(also read most of part 4 a few years ago) and only on vol 3 of AoT#but yeah those are the 2 series i have the most mixed feelings about so far#wouldnt say i love or hate either of them but still also continue to want to find out more#13readsmanga#p
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shopcat · 1 year
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people will see two characters who are good friends ... best friends even ...live in each others pockets ... are incredibly important to each other and a really lovely and sweet and very simple example of friendship being important and fulfilling and meaningful and beautiful and not "just" friendship because there is no such thing... and then they will turn around and they haven't even finished the previous sentence before being like Oh but if this one wasn't a lesbian she would be in love with her male best friend and vice versa. obviously. or he has feelings for her but he "let them go" because she's a lesbian if she wasn't though they would date. in fact if this was a magical world where he was a girl all along they would be in love because all that stuff i said about friendship and importance was actually just words ?!
and like beyond the sheer lesbophobia and sheer CRUELTY for him to even consider either of them in that light on a regular basis i would honestly prefer people own the fuck up to what they're apparently trying to say here and fully commit to going "No, i DON'T actually think friendship that stays platonic and that factor of it will NEVER change can be equally important or MORE SO as other kinds of relationships and in fact i don't think the very idea exists i was just saying all that stuff about platonic nonromantic soulmates to just say it". right before the apparent mission statement of so many that is "if a lesbian is friends with a man i think her sexuality is getting in the way in one way or another". i wish you people just literally got your phones taken away and a parental lock put in place.
#i wish when you blocked people it hurt them.#he. and obv you know who i'm talking about. DOES NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER#and she. DOES NOT HAVE AND NEVER HAS AND NEVER WOULD AND NEVER COULD HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM#you're NOT going oh in another life we would've got married if i wasn't gay you're not DOING that#you're being WEIRD. STOP IT. ITS SO FUCKING EASY 😭😭😭#if you seriously can't conceptualise any of those dumb hypotheticals where he's like a girl the whole time or shes Not a lesbian#where the end goal isn't ''oh so they can date now :)'' it's.... so they're still friends.... THEN YOURE INSANE ‼️‼️‼️#AND POSSIBLY FUCKING EVIL‼️‼️‼️#so they ''CAN'' date now sends shivers up my spine#this is what i mean when i say i hate that codependent shit now. no one can be normal about it and now i hate it all#i'm going to make anti codependent hcs to put negativity out there to balance it out. i don't think steve knows her last name#also anyone who thinks steve as of s4 has any sort of feelings for robin that is literally so gross 😭 why would you even like him if you#thought that. case in point and i'm NOT even exaggerating here that is what people who Hate steve say#as proof for hating him. cuz they think he has feelings for her. which is something you would hate him for#also literally do not doubt me for if some reason in s5 he says and acrually means ''i have feelings for robin still'' i would .. stop#liking him... it would be easy.....#sts#anyway. this isn't about trans content either that's a whole other . Thing. which i don't really care about right now
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alluralater · 1 year
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it’s actually so weird watching someone who has kissed you, kiss someone else in a similar way. like the same moves and everything. brushing their hair to the side of their shoulder and lovingly feeling how the strands part between. hand on the side of their jaw and fingers placed in perfect position. i think the only difference was that for us, they were just as overwhelmed and taken aback by the passion even though we both held such restraint. what a weird thing to witness. super hot though, no wonder i thought i was going to pass out back then, pls continue
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bumpscosity · 8 months
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starting an origins server with some of my siblings friends and i just found out everyone's making characters up for it i feel like the combo i picked has so many possible outcomes
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#i'm thinking of going a grimwalker route where they like a memoryless clone of someone they never knew#my spawn is in the nether and i def wanna make it my home base. i don't think anyone else is spawning in the nether so that'll be fun#interesting for me bc i'm usually the one leeching off others recourses to build stuff but ALSO story wise very isolating#you wake up in hell and it's gross and weird but something about it is familiar.#not in memories per se but muscle memory. not things you did but knowing what not to eat#what's friendly. what hurts. maybe they know their a reincarnation of someone else deep down.#but that person was a blip in time. discipated into the endless seas of molten lava a long time ago.#their soul and magic just now mustering up the strength to become whole again. to become SOMETHING.#it was many eons ago that that person existed. their belongings and home have long since decayed and become one with the hellish landscape#there is no time to think of who you once were. there is only survival.#but the moment you have a home and supplies and are truly safe. you feel a deep fear.#a fear of who you once were long ago. who they could've been. what you should be. momories you no longer possess.#a longing to understand and go back to being a self you never were.#a person who's existence has been lost to time.#you shake off these feelings as best you can#but every time you find yourself in the overworld looking out at the vast ocean#you can't help but wonder wether they hated the deep blue sea as much as you do.#sassy speaks#mc#WHY DID I WRITE SO MUCH HELP I DIDNT MEAN TO DO THAT-
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skeletalheartattack · 2 years
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as a lesbian with bottom dysphoria i think we should trade. i receive dick you receive pussy. love wins
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anon im so sorry but as much as id love to accept this dick and balls pussy exchange... i'd hope to one day have neither meat nor hole...
my poor unfortunate babygirl ass wants nothing babey!! a clean slate!!
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xumoonhao · 8 months
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eugh…….getting one of those headaches that makes me feel nauseous 😖
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skrunksthatwunk · 9 months
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jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore
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#I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST LEAVING IT THIS YEAR SINCE IT WAS SO LATE. FUCK THE GRASS IT'S SHITTY GRASS#it's almost xmas why did you not rake the yard while i was um. not around#IT SUCKS OKAY. I"M NOT A TEAM PLAYER#ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND MANDATORY POINTLESS YARDWORK#it hurts my back and my joints and it takes me forever and it's always stupid bright outside and i hate kicking the rakes and it's never#good enough because if i'm raking the yard it should be perfect right?? it always turns into a 3 day thing and the yard isn't even that big#we just all suck at it except for my dad so he spends the whole time being like well why don't you just do it this way. dad i CANT that's#why i'm doing it my way. it's shittier but it's Possible and yours is not. bruhgh i hate raking the yard sorry that's all#i am feeble and sore and i hate moving please don't make me do this#he's like why do you sit on the ground to scrape the leaves into the bags girl what else do you want me to do. i can barely do the dishes#without sitting sometimes and you want me to rake for 6 hours??? what?????#look i know this is mostly trivial but it sucks okay. fuck my stupid baka life#i have been exactly this bitter about such chores my whole life and im not stopping now. i hate being made to do stuff on a whim that hurts#me for an entire day when i wasn't expecting it okay. i feel like that's a normal response adults are allowed to have even though children#are not. something something children's autonomy etc#and honestly i just hate being in my yard doing manual labor in full view. you should not be able to see me moving around what ew gross#(<- super weird about being perceived doing anything physical) (<- hates being seen moving awkwardly and so anything but small practiced#movements are just. agh. unless they're silly and i can make them smoother but like exertion? No. oh my god i hate that)#shit like oh i don't wanna put a bra on bc that's uncomfy but what if my neighbors ogle me while they drive past i don't want that#just some gangly twink failing a basic task in the clumsiest way possible and fucking all their joints at the same time. sucks. hate#(<- man i don't even feel right EATING around people for the most part like. you want me to RAKE?? movement is a performance and you put me#up there with no rehearsal no script nothing just the wikipedia page for hamlet. i can't do this all of a sudden. what. what)#(<- i just. waughhUAGHH i hate it so so much i don't like it okay. for reasons that are yet to be diagnosed)#(<- no body language is natural to me so it must be practiced to feel natural AND YOURE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. IT FEELS WEIRD)#aughh. if i had the leaves on a table and a chair or something i'd be better. not great but better. but all the bending over and crouching#and scooping and getting leaves under my gloves and the scary scuttly bugs and scraping myself on the branches mixed in on accident i just#do not like it. gross#ugh at least now i have wireless earbuds. used to yank out my corded ones with the rakes pretty regularly and Oh Boy Did That Not Improve M#Situation There like. whewwww#and my dad's always like hey i know we're starting late (it's past noon here) but ummm i'd really appreciate it if we could really push
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19orionis · 10 months
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Banishing the thought that everyone is secretly disgusted by me physically and curing my touch starvation may require me directly asking my friends to hug me and hold my hand and I am NOT happy about it
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electricpurrs · 1 year
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#i think ive been going way too overboard from what im actually comfortable with i dont actually like that#this is all weird and ive been acting weird and i feel bad maybe my mind has been way too foggy for me to. really think straight#like that sounds really dramatic i just feel weird and uncomfortable and wrong like my posts are weird and my attempts at talking#to people are weird and my conversations with my friends are weird#like im not acting like myself or im too out of it to remember how to act like myself#idk. i just dont wanna keep doing any of this but im not sure what ''any of this'' is#i got myself in some kind of spiral and im not having fun and i feel bad and gross and lame#i think im in an actual like bad mental health state#and i now im worried i have thousands of people following this damn blog and seeing my posts while im in a vulnerable state#and im acting erratic and weird and because i post my every thought in this website everybody is seeing me act erratic and weird#which just makes me much more anxious#i really hate how prone i am to letting my mental health make me act weird and how prone i am to over posting online due to a lack of#impulse control#and how i have an amount of followers that is way too large for it to be safe or healthy for me to be fucking myself over online#i am not minimally healthy or stable enough to keep my posture in front of a large audience and this should never have happened to me#i dont know that being said i should probably take a break for a bit#post less until i can get my head in place
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