#i hate being so sensitive lmao
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Hate that I'll be in a good or ok mood and just the tone of how someone talks to me shatters it.
#like omg do they hate me?#did i do something wrong?#am i being annoying?#did i make them mad?#lemme just shut down~#i hate being so sensitive lmao#vent post#personal#neurodivergence
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If you receive this, you make somebody happy! Go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get one back, even better ♡♡♡
wagdhdjjs thank uuu anon 🥺 i needed this 🫶🫶💖💖💕💕
#[—✦ chatting#this was sent the other day i’m sorry 😭#very nice to see again now though and respond it to it finally 😭🫶#also also#i’ve been debating if i wanted to share my thoughts#about that whole situation in the disclaimer of the lifeguard pool event i rb’ed#bc the same guy reached out to me 💀#call me sensitive but that was upsetting 😭#and i hate being a downer#anyways uhm#i’m still a bit pissed about it#so uh i’ll prob write up my own receipts tomorrow 👍#bc basic human decency is important#as well as being careful with randos online#sorry for using this ask as an excuse to vent LMAO
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most x reader is stuff is so brat coded and i fear that that can’t be me
(not a vent btw just some personal self reflecting)
#which is why i click off those posts and write my own stuff btw!#especially with age gap tropes like i used to be a teachers pet as a kid i could never make someone mad at me on purpose#i need approval too much and being nd degradation would be too real to me#im a sensitive bitch unfortunately and that feels like its not as valid???? idk i wish i could be into what other people are strong enough#- to be into#absolutely no hate to people who are brats/into those kinks it just makes me feel bad about myself lmao#like my daddy issues are so bad i cant handle any meanness#need to be babied in a sickening sweet way like how you would treat an ugly stray cat#like they scratch your arms to get away bc theyre scared but ur like ‘awwww its okay <3’#soft doms who respond to you pushing them away by cooing and lovingly forcing you to stay put my beloveds#also not into having their anger being taken out on me like we can talk about it but if you try to physically hurt me abt it ill kill you#it justs gives me flashbacks personally#like im guarded and i dont trust people but once someone gets past that im such a weirdo devoted bottom
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being friends with byan is so weird bc they say they want you to have the balls to be bluntly honest with them, but then the very moment you're honest about something they don't like, they're peacing out, all "lmao ok friendship ended byeeeee"
#honesty is great until you're addressing their insecurities or anything they're currently in denial over#they have a... weird relationship with honesty lmao#they'll be harshly honest about almost anything and not pull a single damn punch#they will tell you easily that their biological mother didn't want them and that they've lived on the street#they'll tell you that they haven't had a foster home last more than 10 months & that one of their foster parents almost killed them#but they won't tell you about the misery these events caused & how its shaped them as a person#and then there's the way they can dish it but can't take it#they'll tell you to your face everything that's wrong with you (in their opinion)#but the moment you do the same back.... lmao fuck you what the hell kinda bullshit#they're so SO sensitive. so much more so than they let on. and they don't tolerate being called on their shit well.#but I think part of that is bc they spent a lot of their life being belittled rather than built up#and they ended up feeling like every time they were abandoned it was bc of their flaws#so if ur pointing them out........ it's only a matter of time before ur leaving too. so they better leave first.#but also they just hate being Seen. they hate when someone can see behind their facade.#if someone else can see ur pain that means it's really there or something :)#idk I have way more thoughts about this than I realized when I started typing and now the tags are gonna be longer than the post oops#might....... have to make a note to get into all this in a more in depth headcanon at some point#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ OOC ⋮ DON’T @ ME.
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posting on here really is just being expected to say ‘sorry for being desensitized by facing daily, real life homophobia and the constant threat of being killed for being a faggot-tranny to where i forgot to take into consideration that youre gonna be a whiny bitch about me making a light-hearted joke about a fictional character on my own blog’ while not feeling sorry at all.
#i was gonna leave this alone but this has been in my drafts for SO long and every day its proven more true#like sorry but me having a loaded gun held to my head and being quizzed on if im a faggot and deserve to be killed because#‘god will understand’ by my parents (whom i see every day) and having to be convincing enough that im ‘not’#and living where the state laws are actively harmful and doesn't have any nondiscrimination laws (from medical to housing to banking to#employment to just hate crining us) and where i still have that same level of fear inside my own home because of my parents#isnt the same experience as a lgbt person making a limp wrist joke or making a joke at a fictional story that you personally dont like#if youre sensitive to that its fine whatever every LGBT person is different and has a different experience and shit.#block if it makes you that uncomfortable or scroll and move on#but giving other queers grief and anger because of how THEY joke or talk?? get a fucking life and stop bitching about mine lmao
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parents love to say "idk how u turned out so anxious and insecure" and then tell u everything u wear and every decision u make is Wrong and Bad
#literally cant even put on a new tshirt in this family without getting told i fucked it up#and then everyones shocked that i hate myself and feel ugly all the time#i just actually felt like i kind of looked okay and had a cute outfit on#which is huge for me bc tshirts are usually so hard for me to feel comfortable in at all#and then i get told i look stupid in front of all my relatives#this is fully why i cant trust myself to even dress myself like i apparently just dont understand what looks good#how the fuck am i ever supposed to feel okay if i cant trust myself to even put together shorts and a tshirt into a presentable outfit#i know im being too sensitive and i sound like an angsty teenager its just been such a shitty day already and this is just another thing#and being around my family 24/7 is continuing to take a major toll on my mental health which already sucked to begin with lmao#just three more days of this. and then ill be home and i can rest (for one day then i go back to work which is also hell!!)
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i do fr need to work on differentiating between "actually middleclass" and "doesnt live paycheck to paycheck" lmao bc that is something i struggle with... obviously ik i have more in common with like. even somebody whos fr middleclass disney vacations every year. I know i have more in common with them than i do with bezos but god at least i dont have to see bezos being annoying in front of me every day KJANDJKLNLJD
#bc its like this. i obviously have way more contempt for a billionaire. obviously. but ive never met an actual billionaire yfm. and i Have#met middleclass ppl and A lot not all but a lot. are so insufferable and ikkkk not all of them or whatever but like. i constantly got shit#for being poor from middle class kids and like. ik im supposed to be class solidarity with them bc were all poor when compared to a#billionaire but goddd fucking damn they make it difficult . ik its like well the upperclass Wants the lowerclass and middleclass to be at#eachothers throats bc it means they dont pay attention to the upperclass walking over the both of them. i knowwww. but i can multitask#major in hating rich people minor in hating the middleclass...#THIS ISNT RLY RELATEDFTO THE LAST POST AT ALL i just have a lot of like. complicated feelings abt classism basicallyy.#like. i wouldnt wish poverty on anybody it fucking sucks. but as a kid i did sometimes fantasize abt swapping lives with my classmates who#had more money than me Not even bc i wanted to live their life but just so they would like. see the apartments i lived in and see the room#i shared with both of my siblings (weeman didnt exist yet lmao) and just like. look in the fridge. bc i just rly wanted ppl to get it lol..#there was this one assignment that was like. wants vs needs and ppl kept putting needs as like. A big backyard. vacation once a year. my ow#personal bedroom etc and ik they were kids but it was like. insanely frustrating to have these kids who had like. never had to live without#Wants. yk. bc then i would just write down like. food. shelter. water. thats it lmao i even had clothes as a want instead of a need. and#they were making fun of me bc my list was so short and its like . look man i have gone without these three things on multiple occasions. yk#and now i try to be like. its good that there are ppl who have never experienced that i dont want ppl to have to experience that especially#like. that was in 4th grade lol. i was 9. i shouldnt have been worrying abt bills and stuff and none of my classmates knew anything abt tha#and thats a Good thing they shouldnt have. but theres this selfish part of me that wishes they did KANDJNS bc its so insanely isolating to#have ppl like. interrogating you abt why your shoes are so worndown or why your winter jacket is too small yk. and you cant say 'my family#cant afford better/new ones' bc they dont even understand what money is. yk. IDK. im just very sensitive abt these kinds of things KANDNW..#perhaps a bit too oversensitive at times but yk. im working on it and im working on not being spiteful abt it bc like. yes it was isolating#but it was a good thing that the kids didnt relate to it yk. kids shouldnt relate to that and i shouldnt have felt that way bc no kid shoul#im also Ik i bring it up constantly but im still so mad abt that time my friends heard me say Yeah i have to go to court against my dad nex#wednesday . and they didnt say anything and then one of them went Ughhh my dad wont buy me the newest iphone hes buying me the newest#samsung instead But i have an iphone app that i spent 50 dollars on that wont transfer !!!!!! and then she endedup getting the iphone#anyways. sry ikk its grudge and i need to let it go but im still peeved... brinn there are people that are dying .#and also now i know that like. a lot of the other kids in my class Did understand and were just like. posturing. yk. a few of those kids#were from the same neighborhood as me lmao i was just too autistic to realize we werent supposed to be honest 💀 but yes. sry for this like#manifesto i am just thinking out loud..... well not bc this is text famously a written form of communication but we all understand. anyways
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I remember a kid when he was 5 or 6 whose parents were careful of the music their kids listened too. Their kid said some music made him feel really emotional. In a way it made me think how the news on TV would scare me at his age. Certain things - especially music- can strike a chord with our emotions. Kids may not fully understand- but they are very sensitive.
my mom was very careful about what media i experienced when i was little because i was such a sensitive child and unexpected things upset me greatly. i somewhat would confront this as a teenager/twenty-something, and i feel like i wrote about this recently, but who knows with my brain fog - i've recently looped back around to this in an unexpected way, where i'm just having a heightened sensitivity to things as i've gotten older, and am being extra cautious about what i expose myself to/what's in my head because it will creep up on me in a detrimental way. idk what precipitated this exactly (well, i DO a little bit), though i had a conversation about it with a friend who's been feeling the same. (besides, the news is still scary now!)
ANYWAY, rambling, but kids are intuitive and pick up on a lot more than they're often given credit for, and they feel things DEEPLY. plus we know how things that impact us in childhood can carry throughout our lives. just like childhood wonder is very particular and special because kids still have such a sense of belief, their emotions are a lot more raw and close to the surface than they sometimes are for us as adults after we've been trained at times to sublimate or disguise them, or to suspend disbelief and use analytical skills. kids are often quite unguarded, and whole understanding isn't necessary to feel something, but it can make that feel scarier or more overwhelming because we use understanding to frame and work through things. i don't think we should ever talk down to children and that we should treat them with respect and autonomy, but it definitely is necessary to protect them sometimes and to know when to draw boundaries. i'm glad my parents and grandparents did do that with me because they recognized my sensitive nature. i've always been so connected to music that it's caused me those chills/tears/big emotions, but the adults around me being circumspect on my behalf is part of why i love the things i still love now, because i was lucky to grow up exposed to that!
#anonymous#letterbox#infamous things which gave me nightmares:#a pbs version of rapunzel that kept the witch pushing the prince out the window and blinding him on the thorns#maleficent in sleeping beauty#the bela lugosi version of dracula when he turns into mist? the idea of him sneaking under the crack in my door was a big no#a “documentary” at halloween that made vampires seem real#annie lennox's “sweet dreams (are made of this)”#although my mom and i recently pieced together that it was probably NOT the original that scarred me so badly#but rather a particularly awful person's cover version#but what it stuck to was the original. a song i still cannot hear without feeling nauseous#the music video for thriller. lmao#i conquered the vampire thing by being overly interested in them later which is evident in some of the stuff i love now akjldkljfd#also anything where something bad happened to animals especially dogs#and i'm still like that (i HATE that too many horror movies do this)#i am a sensitive girlie queen of the weepies we been knew
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Chanting “my ideas by no means need to be original to be worth writing”
#saw one bozo on the internet say they hated x trope and I was like But That’s My Trope#idk why I’m being so sensitive right now lmao#me rambling
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hi can we talk about when he gets ethereal. w his vocals specifically. idk if it's just me but when ppl talk about michael that word never gets attached that much. spiritual, otherwordly, angelic maybe but it's like. when it's Michael Jackson it's like a Dominating Presence. in a way that's like Oh My God He's Here That's Him. & there's no other choice but to be keenly aware that That Is Michael. u listen to him sing like that & it's like That's Michael's Voice and it feels like? having to stand in the middle of the road? knowing There Is A Car Approaching Fast so u have to run and move away?? that kind of awareness. his vocals where it's like yeah that's Michael he can do that. w his voice. he can belt out those notes he can growl out those lyrics he can sing like that
but it's like. when it's ethereal it's like that Is Michael but omg Why Is He Like That. scary. beautiful. hypnotic & strange u feel helpless & in awe. Feeling a Presence but never sensing where it's emitting from. hearing him sing & it's like. Are You Real. Where Are You.
#this is me listening to his song about basketball#& it's all fun & groove until the Chorus & he kills u#ok also i'm :( sickk i have fever & god nkows what ELSE i feel lik death so maybe. maybe. i'm Extra Sensitive#but hisvoice :( how do u sing like tht & also why would u do u want me to die#hate to reference her but it's like. when lana. d3l rey bridge. u get me. in that don't call me angel song#or kate bsuh in get out of my house#ethereal as in floating moving bright light in the dark forest luring u to a path.or some shit u'd see that would make u Freeze. & when it#disappears t's like. what was that. i don't know what that was.#some witch shit going on and it's a song about. Basketball.#can't even use this description w his other songs. maybe that 'why' parts in human nature. those hooks in will u be there#ghosts. maybe#but they're still different bc u KNOW. wbb ethereal like. so Detached but Piercing. i can't even say ghostly bc not xactly???#that meme where it's like some knights in front of humongous god-like creatures w no distinguishable features except 4 their eyes.#the vocals r like that. like wow. u're really There.#also need to see michael w/shaq footage :( smth ab seeing him w/ppl who r taller. hehehe.. like him playing w/m jordan :) so cute#r there any.....ok i just think it'd be funny ik he's not Super Short but in contrast to shaq. lmao. tickles me idk whyy#ok i'm gonna not die#so be careful out there. be careful whn listening to we be ballin. be careful when listening to 40-yr-old mj & his witch-y vocals#it's just such a funny contrast too. lord. shaq & ice cube having fun on the verses :) then chorus hits & there's mj. being a siren#u can develop an interest over a legendary pop icon. but watch out
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this mercury retrograde cycle is literally destroying me mentally and emotionally and it’s only the second day someone pls shoot me for real
#i don’t know how i’m gonna survive until 12/15 tbh#everything is getting fucked up at work#i literally feel like my emotions are completely outside of my control#like i actually cannot do this lmao#i already had a full mental breakdown last night and i feel like that was the first of many#they’re usually bad for me but this is like out of this world bad#i have also convinced myself that every single person i’ve ever come into contact with hates me#and thinks i’m the most annoying bitch on the earth#so that’s Good and Fun#being a water moon actually sucks ass during these times#like i feel like an insane freak#also since 9:15 this morning i have been in back to back meetings ALL DAY without a break and that’s not even an exaggeration#and i have to do it again tomorrow#i can’t do my actual job because of these meetings#and i have a lot of fuckin work to do that’s time sensitive#kms#okay i’ll stop bitching now goodbye
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it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce
#have talked about it a bit with a few people and its...difficult?#i have always felt like i was the person standing between my parents when my dad was at his worst#and as kind of like. someone who failed to protect my family from him#and the last few months ive started recognizing patterns where 1) when my parents were united#was when there was a common threat and that common threat was ALWAYS me and my insanity. which feels. bad#and 2) my mother had no one to talk to about the horrific shit he said and so often ended up relaying#some of the worst things youve ever heard to me and my sister very conversationally#every thing he said about me that haunts me i heard when she told me and then went 'ha! isnt that so stupid he would say that?'#like. i guess its. she was a...i hate using it here but a Victim in thatsituation but im also starting to learn#that she was also a collaborator. and that she failed to protect us or take care of us often because she was scared of him#or sometimes because she agreed with him or hated/resented us or whatever. its. um#it is difficult. and every time i try to change and talk openly around her instead of being passive aggressive as i learned from her#she responds in the same guilt trippy icy way and says i am pissy or i think too black and white or do i think shes a bad person#and so i cannot...i cannot grow with her because it HURTS. every time. and ive just kind of...found it harder and harder to talk to her#at all. and her pain fills the apartment because she sees it happening. and it makes coming back here every day#even more unbearable even more crushing and i don't know what to do about it#it has been so weird. ive been trying to...change and grow. to be Real. to be truthful and to communicate well#for my friends and coworkers and family and i feel i've come so far sometimes#and then when it comes to her i just don't know how to do it because i don't trust her.#and when i try it only hurts both of us and i can't explain that to her because she WILL take it personally and she#she...everyone is capable of change. i believe that. to be alive is constant changing. but she refuses.#when she asked me if i thought she was a bad person she answered her own question going 'i dont think so.#i think you see things so much more black and white than i do and you're so easily offended and sensitive. i think im a good person'#not in a...not in a combative way but in a sincere way. and its like. i dont think i even responded i was fucking flabbergasted#where do you even GO from a statement like that lmao!!! god. its so frustrating. it is so so so fucking frustrating
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I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.
#ive survived all nighters before ill scrape through the day itll just be Rough. at least i dont have much in my schedule#im not gonna take the dose this morning bc i think thats a really bad idea to do on zero hours sleep#and i can't risk two consecutive all nighters. like I have done that before but not while working full time 💀 its not worth it#drafting an email to my doctor to let her know im skipping day 2 + ask advice re. whether its worth resuming again on day 3#bc she did list 'trouble sleeping' as a common symptom that often passes but i need to know a) how long it usually takes to pass and-#b) if this is unusually bad + would she rec supplementing with a sleep aid or just switching tack entirely and trialling a non stimulant#by this stage of the night i dont think its actually acting anymore bc i took it at 7am and its now 3am. it shouldnt last that long#i think its more just triggered my preexisting insomnia. my ability to sleep is very very sensitive sometimes + hates routine changes#just so fucking frustrating bc ive spent the past 2 months nailing my sleep routine + ive had a couple weeks of being able to-#go to bed like 9:30-10 and it only takes an hour to get to sleep and i get usually a good 7 hours sometimes 8 only waking once halfway#and i dont feel like utter shit like yeah im tired but from work not so much lack of sleep.... and now thats all fucked lmao#whatever. maybe i should just take the next dose anyway#ill see. gonna try to sleep for another 2 hours but once it hits 5 im not doing this anymore ive been trying for six hours already man#i cant even remember when i last pulled a full all nighter. it might be longer than 6 months ago... i was doing so well :-(#im so mad i was so hopeful it would have SOME good effect like ik its not a miracle worker + these things take time but so many people-#seem to have an immediate positive response even if its probably a placebo. and i got fuck all except This.#i was searching on the reddit for sleep issues and other ppl only seem to report bad ones on higher doses or years in..#like damn. do i even have adhd then. ik thats a stupid thing to think bc obvs everyones body metabolises meds differently etc but still#it is ALMOST HALF 3 and i am FUCKING TIRED#UGH. alright bedtime round 189447383#.diaries#.vent
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How kny men treat their pregnant wife
Pairings: Obanai x fem!reader; Rengoku x fem!reader; Sanemi x fem!reader
Word Count: 2,5k
Warnings: I went absolutely insane in Sanemi's part lmao, let me know what you think about maybe even more kny complilations in the future?🤍🫶
Obanai – super overprotective
„Darling, you really don’t have to be cautious all the time. I’m fine and it’s mid-day.”
“You never know”, the man next to you mumbles while positioning himself in front of you.
Since the day Obanai found out that you’re expecting your very first child, he never left your side. Not even at night, when he’s usually out fulfilling his duty as a hashira. And if he must go, he always makes sure that you’re not alone.
“I really don’t want to bother you, but Iguro-san sent me here to keep an eye open for you”, Mitsuri explained with reddened cheeks after appearing in front of your door at sunset.
You sign to yourself with a small smile crawling up your face. You never really realized that your husband is so eager to have a child. When the two of you first met, he acted so cold towards you that you were convinced he hated you after saving your life in your village back then. It wasn’t until he showed up at the butterfly estate on a random day and handed you a bouquet of flowers that you realized how hard you fell for that man yourself. Despite his cool and composed walls, despite always staying in the background and leaving disgracing comments from time to time. You really learned how to love the serpent hashira for the man he is: kind, loving, protective and smart.
“Why are you not coming over to cuddle me instead?”, you suggest oh so sweetly while opening your arms as an invitation.
Obanai side-eyes you up and down, his mind visibly racing behind those gorgeous eyes.
“But what if I hurt you and the baby?”, he mutters, still standing his ground.
“I’m not made of paper and the baby isn’t as well. And also, I’m carving nothing more than a hug from my husband at the moment.”
Slowly but surely, he finally turns around. As if you’re made of porcelain, he wraps his arms around you oh so gently. Have you ever seen your husband this cautious and sensitive around other human beings? You’ve seen the way he beats up the other corps members in his training sessions on a daily basis. A giggle escapes your lips before you’re able to stop it. Your man really turned soft due to this pregnancy.
“What’s so funny?”, he grumbles, his vibrant eyes set on you.
“You’re too hesitant to give me a real hug and yet, you’re beating up innocent kids during training. Come on now, I said I want a real hug!”
Before he’s able to protest, you press yourself against him with full force, allow your head to rest against his beating heart. It’s been ages since he last cuddled you the way you always loved it. With your body resting on top of his and your arms wrapped around his broad chest, everything starts to feel like home.
“Don’t you think that’s too dangerous? The baby-“
“The baby will be fine. I can handle a tight hug, darling. I really missed this…”
He shifts his weight underneath you and gently starts rubbing your back. Oh, how much you adore your husband and those sweet little moments between both of you. You never imagined to love someone like this, to fall head over heels for a man who is the complete opposite of yourself. But here you are, falling even harder day by day.
“And…you really think this is safe?”
“I’m absolutely sure it is!”
Obanai pauses for a moment, his eyes almost piercing through you.
“I think you should go and see Shinobu later”, he finally presses out.
“Come on, I already told you-“
“This doesn’t feel safe at all. We’re leaving in just a few minutes”, he continues while wrapping his arms around you.
Rengoku – the proudest soon-to-be dad
“I made you breakfast, my love!”, your husband announces while entering your shared bedroom in his plain white kimono.
“You’re way too kind, Kyojuro. You know I could have done it myself”, you reply while lifting yourself off the futon.
“Oh, let me help you up!”
Gently, he grabs your shoulders and helps you to get up. With your swollen belly, things aren’t as easy as they used to be. By now, you aren’t even able to see your feet anymore.
But it’s all worth it. He’s all worth it.
“Look at you”, he mutters with unusual low voice.
When his hand starts caressing your belly along with that loving gleam in his eyes, you almost forget how to breathe. From the day both of you found out that you are expecting a child, Kyojuro fell head over heels.
“You look so breathtakingly good, my everything. I could stand here and stare at you all day, little flame.”
It almost seems as if Kyojuro’s already heavy feelings doubled during your pregnancy. Not a single hour goes by without him telling you how gorgeous you look, that you are an angel walking on earth.
Even though you know you gained a few pounds and how swollen your face looks. He doesn’t care about the fact that sometimes, you are too exhausted to wash your hair or that you didn’t dress in something nice since your clothes started to get too tight.
Your husband adores each and every fiber of your being.
“Stop, you’re making me blush”, you giggle while playfully freeing yourself out of his strong arms.
“I’ll never stop telling my pregnant wife how gorgeous she looks! How are you feeling, my love?”
You find yourself trapped in his arms with his eyes all over you again. God, will you ever get tired of looking at him, of seeing those vibrant eyes?
“I’m okay. I just feel a little heavy.”
“I’m so proud of you for enduring all of this. Shinobu already told me this pregnancy doesn’t go easy on your body. You’re a real fighter, (y/n)!”
“A fighter? My body is supposed to do this. There’s nothing special about that”, you try to brush his praise off, cheeks already turning dark red.
“Don’t think about it that way. Your body might be equipped for a pregnancy, but Shinobu informed me about all the things you have to endure and how painful and tiring it can be-“
“Did Shinobu really explain all those things to you?”, you mutter through your hands that cover your face in sheer embarrassment.
“Of course! After all, I’m your husband and it’s my duty to support you in the best way possible!”, his beaming voice replies proudly.
“And I can’t wait to meet our little wonder.”
The second he gets on his knees, you see stars. Oh so gently, he pulls your kimono to the side and starts caressing and kissing your womb. Your knees threaten to fail you, feelings all over the place. God, you really don’t deserve a loving and caring husband like him, you don’t deserve all those feelings he holds for you and your unborn baby so openly.
Before you’re able to stop yourself, a violent sob escapes your lips.
“No love, why are you crying?”
Kyojuro meets you eye to eye in an instant, his hand carrying away every little tear that threatens to stain your face.
“It’s just…You are too kind…I don’t deserve your praise…”, you croak out.
“You deserve this and so much more. Now come on, I made you mochis with the receipt Kanroji taught me…”
You sniffle uncontrollably in his arms.
Wait, did he just say…
“You mean my favorite mochis?”, you mutter.
“Of course, little flame!”
“Oh…Then…Maybe we should get going, then…”
Sanemi – doesn’t even know yet
Fuck fuck fuck.
You stare at Shinobu in sheer horror. This can’t be true. Definitely a mistake. A cruel joke, maybe.
You…pregnant?
“Tell me you’re joking”, you mutter under your breath.
Just when you thought things between Sanemi and you started to get better, than you finally managed to live besides. Calling yourself his wife was never easy, especially due to the fact that he only married you because your family literally sold you to him in exchange for not killing you right on the spot. The two of you never seemed to get along that well.
You swallow hard. That night was an exception. You came home drunk, you didn’t know what you were doing when you seduced him, when you began babbling about something as stupid as feelings.
You swore to yourself that you’ll never fall for your husband. And now you’re expecting his child.
“I’d never joke about something like that, (y/n). It seems like somehow, you managed to get pregnant”, Shinobu replies in all seriousness while taking off her gloves.
Fuck.
“He’ll fucking kill me”, you mumble to yourself.
“Maybe he’ll skin me before that, slice open my belly like a fish-“
“Can you just stop?”, Shinobu interrupts you in all urgency.
“Shinazugawa might not be the most empathic man walking on this earth, but he also didn’t marry you for nothing. I’m sure everything will be fi-“
“Absolutely nothing’s fine. I’m fucking screwed”, you huff in frustration while yanking up.
You’re completely fucked. There’s no way in hell Sanemi will ever find out about this, not in this lifetime. You have to make sure that this stays a secret.
“Don’t you dare to tell him a single word about this, got it?”, you literally threaten Shinobu with your shaky finger pointing at her.
You, expecting a baby.
From Sanemi Shinazugawa.
Without even waiting for her reply, you storm out. Are you able to get rid of this situation? Mindlessly, you rub your belly when a new wave of memories from that fateful night hits you.
“I might l-love you”, you blurted into the room, Sanemi’s widened eyes staring at you in sheer horror.
“You…love me? Just yesterday, you told me how much you hate me”, he clarified with harsh voice.
“Are you drunk, (y/n)?”
“I…might be, yeah. But I mean it.”
Against all voices that begged you to stop, you darted towards him.
Until you sat on top of him and wrapped your longing arms around his neck.
“I love u, Sanemi.”
“I can’t believe a single word you say, shithead.”
“Watch me, then.”
It happened so fast you still can’t believe it. One passionate kiss, your hands wandering underneath his uniform, his muscular frame on top of you.
“You really want this?”, he huffed against your cheek, usual so maniac orbs filled with nothing but pure lust.
“Yeah”, you breathed out.
Urgh. You dig your nails into your hair, head spinning instantly. What kind of fuckery is this? Your first night ever and now…you’re pregnant? As if things between you and him aren’t already cringe enough.
“Why are you looking like shit?”
His oh so familiar voice makes your guts turn. For the split of a second, you are literally one movement away from puking all over his feet.
“Why are you talking shit?”, you spit at him, shoulder bumping against his as you try to get away from here as soon as possible.
But Sanemi grabs your wrist before you’re even able to think about your escape.
“Why were you at Shinobu’s? You never visit her.”
“I’m not feeling well”, you jeer at him.
“You even refused talking to her when your bone splatted out of your damn leg. Don’t fuck with me, (y/n). You didn’t come here for nothing.”
“Yeah, I really shouldn’t have done that”, you snap, violently ripping away your wrist.
This is way too much. Your family, Sanemi, that damned pregnancy. You thought this hell trip was over when Sanemi somehow managed to accept you, you really thought you could leave a rather peaceful life.
God, what a fucking fool you are.
“Hey, what the hell is going on? (y/n)!”
Just before your knees hit the ground, you feel Sanemi’s strong arms lifting you back up.
“What the hell has gotten into you!?”
“I’m pregnant!”, you scream on top of your lungs.
“All of this because of that damned night, because I lost my fucking control. I’m pregnant…”
Sanemi’s arms around you tense up immediately. Fuck, you can’t even bring yourself to look at him.
Truth is, you love that man. Fuck, you fell for him harder than you ever imagined, so badly that you can’t stop thinking about him. And that night, you allowed yourself to get a taste of him. After all, maybe this was all you need to finally forget about him, right?
What a fool you are.
“You’re…what?”
Violently you rub away the tear that starts rolling down your cheek.
“You’re…pregnant…”
“Saying it again and again won’t make it disappear”, you bark at him.
“I’ll be a dad?”
Huh? What is that unusual tone in his voice. Did Sanemi Shinazugawa really sound…joyful?
“Yeah…”, you mutter.
In the split of a second, you find yourself devoured in his arms and captivated by his glossy eyes. Your heart skips a beat, mind not able to follow the scene that lays itself out in front of your eyes. He doesn’t look angry at all, not even sad. No, he looks as happy as you’ve never seen him before.
“I can’t believe it. I never imagined this to happen”, he whispers while grabbing your face.
“Gosh, let me kiss you.”
“You want to kiss me?”, you shriek.
Despite your growing feelings for the wind hashira and those countless secret looks you’ve shared with each other, it was always a quiet agreement between both of you to never express any feelings. No hugs, no kisses, no questions. Just living side by side. Fuck, you never even allowed yourself to even gaze at his lips before that fateful night.
And now you’re lying in his arms, pregnant while he asks for a kiss.
“I mean…yeah”, you finally breathe out.
And then his lips crush against yours. Longingly, passionately, filled with so many emotions that you fail to breathe. All this time, you tried so desperately to hate that man, to hide your feelings from him in order to protect yourself. But all it took was a single night and that unexpected pregnancy to make you realize that maybe, allowing yourself to discover your own feelings isn’t that bad, after all.
Maybe, everything will in fact turn out alright.
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you know the solution to depression: more genshin
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo,ide yo !!#no officer i definitely do not have depression and totally haven't had it since i was 13#and obviously i haven't been hopping from one coping mechanism to another#gaming addiction isn't even the worst of it#maybe i should play minecraft again#as lonely as it gets playing it solo#there's also something delicious about the pain#maybe i'm a masochist (non-sexual)#plus cherry blossoms purty so yeah#i already got my chongyun skin from skindex so i'm ready lmao#i played with an albedo skin at one point before switching to my usual cutesy girly fare#i hope i don't get bitten in the ass for not brushing up on what's been added in 1.20 beyond the cherry blossoms#i tend to play minecraft in particularly “down” seasons of my life#i play on mobile tho and i haven't gotten used to the new controls just yet#when i got a new phone suddenly no sensitivity settings seemed to work#oh well#also didnt want to make this into its own post but i just have to bitch about it#i ran out of lip balm today and i am going FERAL#i hate the feeling of my lips being dry more than i hate myself. which is a lot#i sure hope there's lip balm in the stores nearby. there will be casualties otherwise
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bro I've cried so much today I wanna throw up is this like normal💀
I have a CONCERT in like an hour and gotta fucking play a trombone in a tight ass tuxedo and sit in a room for hours on end
Even the slightest mention of a certain topic is making me tear up rn my god I'm so fucking sensitive what the hell LMAO
Sad boy hours more like fucking pathetic pussy boy hours fr
#sorry for the self deprecation#i'm not doing ok lmao#obv i don't find being sensitive a bad thing but i just hate myself rn#like i used to not care what the fuck happened why did i get so soft
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