#i had to restart most of my characters anyway

[rindemption]

I gotta... I gotta practice what I preach. If you wanna be part of a community you gotta be involved in the community, capiche? I'm working on being a little active again, I promise. So people who followed me for cyberpunk don't fret.

[fionnaskyborn]

Was tagged by @oceancamp to post my current five favorite songs! (They should invent a stages-of-grief-esque model that encompasses and accurately describes both types of anguish I had to go through making this list - the one of limiting myself to only five songs, and the one of trying to put as little videogame music on here as possible so that I don't end up looking like an absolute goddamn geek, which... I am... Oh well!)

Thank you so much for tagging me - here are the songs!

Heaven Pierce Her - War Without Reason

Tatsuro Yamashita - Love Space

This specific arrangement of Death And Republic + Meet Again

Winger - Junkyard Dog (Tears On Stone)

The Protomen - Light Up The Night

Is it courtesy to tag other people after you've been tagged in a post like this? If that's the case, I'll tag @spiralled-fury, @solradguy, @swamppossum, @five-by-five, @northstarring, @ineedmoredragons and @tbonechessor!

[tunapesto]

cosplaying is healing me personally (killing my wallet, also)

[kiwimetry]

Alec: 😭 I just got a prophecy that I would father a child of no woman

Seregil: hmm... I agree that does sound unambiguously like you'll never have a child, but also, did you want a child? You knew I wasn't going to bear a child for you, right?

Me: congrats boys, you've just described a way to father a child of no woman (mpreg*)

*I don't know why I'm trying to avoid spoilers for a book that came out over 15 years ago, but for people who have no idea what I'm on about, I need you to know that the actual evental womanless childfathering method is. Worse.

[thornshadowwolf]

I don't remember why but I dreamed about looking up the common religions in different regions of Thailand last night

[tunemyart]

So I've just watched the finale and I'm feeling... Weird. I think part of it is because this show started with everything I like in a story (cool badass ladies, a queer romance, found family, redemption, etc etc) and ended up being... Not all that (most characters die, the romance is doomed, and I guess the redemption mostly happened but wasn't entirely satisfactory to me). Also, I'm someone who as Trauma (tm) with death so, I guess my brain's first reaction is "fuck that I just want them all happy and safe" and it takes me a while to accept when stories take these paths, however well written they might be.

Still, I thought it all went a bit fast in the last 2 eps, with parts of the show ringing just a little bit more hollow than I would have expected? I'm left feeling like the characters of Alice, Mrs Hart and Jen were treated a bit superficially (Lillia's story felt more complete). I also wished we had seen more of Agatha's past because spending centuries just conning witches then killing them is... a bit boring? (maybe we learn more about her in WandaVision, I haven't seen it). And obviously I wished we had seen more of Agatha and Rio. It's like the show couldn't decide if it was about Agatha or about Billy (partly because, I'm guessing it's setting up a 3rd show about him?), and with this short format we ended losing a bit on Agatha's part.

Anyway, curious of what you think of all that because your analysis are always super interesting, and like I said my own brain might be a bit biased towards resistance with this one. And obviously would love to read your fanfic(s) should you write any!

So, I've started and restarted a reply to this a few times, but I think what my answer boils down to is: we're meant to have multilayered responses to this finale. We're meant to sit with it. It's meant to change our experience of the show we've had to this point.

I think the best metaphor for this is the fact the revelation that Rio is Death. Bear with me, because I know this got spoiled for us way early on and we all knew it and were all just waiting for the revelation to drop - but imagine for a second that we didn't know that Rio, Agatha's ex-girlfriend and spooky fun vaguely-a-psychopath as played by the delightful Aubrey Plaza, is death. Your perception of Rio would have been turned on its head. Your perception of Agatha would have been turned on its head. Your perception of the Witches' Road and what we're even doing here with Death walking alongside us as a tourist would have been turned on its head.

Now, we all had an incredibly fun time even with the knowledge that Rio is death before we should have had it. But I think some of the power for what it meant for the story - and our perception of what was really happening - was muted.

Jen, at the beginning of 1.08, says, "She told us who she was from the very beginning."

Sit with that - because the same is true of this story.

---

It turns out that the Road is a metaphor for death. This isn't fully illustrated for us until Nicky, the author of the Ballad, walks down the road with Death's hand in his, and we go, oh. Oh.

Agatha tells us in the beginning that the Road doesn't exist, a rare instance of her giving anyone unbridled truth. And sure - the Road that our coven walked down doesn't exist. The Road that all the witches Agatha lured to the deaths believed in doesn't exist. It's a fiction. But it's significant that Agatha lured them all to the Road and killed them. They wanted to walk the Road. They died. Not "they died instead" - it's a two-fold statement. They wanted to walk the Road and they died. In a gruesome way, Agatha's been taking witches on the Witches' Road since the 1750s.

I don't think the significance of that is lost on Agatha, either, especially where we pick up at the beginning of 1.08. Lilia's dead, and everybody's reeling.

Perhaps Agatha more than anybody.

---

I also want to quickly take a look at Rio's accusation of Agatha regarding Billy.

"The bodies are really piling up." "Did you doubt me?" "Yeah, I did. I thought there'd be a trick in there somewhere. And there was! You were distracting me from him."

Because this is a revelation about Agatha's actions toward not just Rio, but any audience watching her - i.e., us the viewers. She's been distracting us! Not from who Billy is, we know that of course, but with regard to what the Road itself is. Agatha's known the Road isn't real the entire time. She's been protecting Billy from that knowledge. She's been protecting Billy from Rio. She's been protecting the coven itself from disintegrating. And, the biggest con woman move of them all, she's been distracting us - with less and less success as the show goes on - from the fact that she is not even the slightest bit in control.

---

So I definitely want to circle back to what you said about how the show started out with everything you like in a story, because oof, yeah, I felt that. I felt that hard in the finale. Coming off the impact of the incredible storytelling in 1.07, and the queer jokes and campy Wicked cosplay balancing out the sad, I think many of us spent the next week expecting some kind of emotional resolution that probably involved the remaining coven banding together in some more of that found family we've felt them becoming along the way.

Here's where things starts going wrong, right off the bat: they don't. Instead, they splinter. Not only are you aware of just how few of them are left (Jen, Billy, Agatha), but Jen and Agatha can't handle Lilia's death. Jen's distraught. The close up on Agatha running away out of the trial and back onto the Road, alone, shows her looking hunted and wild in her guilt. Everything that follows has its seeds in that moment of rending that began with Lilia's death.

From the beginning, the point has been that Agatha Harkness is a covenless witch. It's something we've seen her revel in - maybe simply because she has no choice but to own it. But the fact is that here, for the first time in centuries, she had a coven. She didn't intend to have one - she intended to kill them all in her basement and not think twice about them again. But events transpired the way they did. They became her coven. And one by one, they all died on the Road.

Rio, of course, has the words to cut right to the quick: "Your coven is shrinking," she teases Agatha cruelly. Agatha looks wild - because she's right. The worst thing is that she killed Alice - and she didn't mean to. She didn't want to. But she did, and in exactly the same way she'd intended to kill her at the beginning, the same way she's been killing witches for hundreds of years. "Your coven is shrinking," and it's Agatha's fault. It's Agatha's coven. It's Agatha's coven.

Hold on to that, too.

---

One of the things that I've been mulling over most is Agatha's character. She's so much fun in the beginning. We're all fucking charmed by her. We also don't have the full context of just how much of a serial killer she is.

So for me, at least, watching 1.08 and not only not getting found family, but getting an Agatha so far away from a "redemption" story that she only just barely is willing to not sacrifice Billy for herself, was kind of a rude awakening. Agatha's a lot more of a villain that I was prepared for. Surprise!

Agatha's so far away from "redemption", in fact, that she's only just barely starting to feel empathy for other witches. She's just starting to be affected by people who aren't #1. And that's a trauma response. And it's so, so, so deeply rooted in her that she's only just starting to be able to conceive of the idea of people who care for her. Of the possibility of being able to live in community. She's not ready for a redemption arc. There was no way that the kind of redemption arc she'd need could fit into nine episodes, because so much of it would for her be predicated on a mental shift that Agatha just hasn't arrived at yet. She's still so angry. She's still so traumatized. She's done almost none of the work. And even at the end, even with the final gesture of sacrificing herself for Billy, that's not a final act of redemption, oh Agatha's now a good person/forgiven/insert word frame of choice.

What this show did in terms of redemption for Agatha was set her up to be in a place where she might want it - where she might want to do and be better for Billy, and someday, for Nicky.

And it's significant that that point comes for Agatha in dying… and after death.

---

This show is about death. The Road is about death. Death is a character on the show.

Like, okay, you're saying. Fine. But what about my gay fun times? What about my queer romance, my found family?

And please know that I'm there with you.

I'm not hugely in touch with what the larger fandom is saying and how they're reacting because I have my little echo chamber here on tumblr and a few friends who have actual social media, but even here I get the sense that we're all kind of :/ for fairly similar reasons. What happened to the show I fell in love with?

And for me, the last few days, I think it's been important to realize that the fact that the show I fell in love with didn't suddenly become a different show. It didn't pull a bait and switch. No twists were in bad faith. Everything has been right here in the text of the show from the very beginning.

And I think it's important to see the story that Jac Schaeffer et al. were actually telling vs. our expectations of what they were telling, or worse, what we wanted them to tell. For just one example, I was convinced we were going to see Alice again - maybe Lorna Wu, too. I wasn't expecting it to be for the sole purpose of recognizing that not only is she dead, but to give Alice herself the space to say that it wasn't fair, that she wasn't ready, that she'd just broken her family's curse, that now she can really do something with her life! Because, ugh, yeah! It's not fair, for all those reasons! But that's also death. Likewise, Sharon's just dead, and worse, her death was pretty much meaningless. Lilia rediscovered herself again, and she chose her death to save everyone else - extremely meaningful. But at the end - she's just dead. We don't see her again. She's gone. She, like the others, walked the Road and away with Death.

I loved these covenless witches. I loved them finding themselves together. I loved them bonding around the campfire and discovering community. I miss them all, so so much. But they told us from the beginning how haunted by death all of them were: Alice and her mom, Lilia and her coven in Sicily, Billy and William Kaplan, Agatha and her son and her ex-lover. And of course, Death herself. Forget haunting these individuals - she came to actually join the temporary coven. Like, fuck. They told us what this show was about.

---

This show is about death, but it's more complicated than that: we'll take our cue from Rio again, who, in being Death, is also the original Green Witch. In short, this show is about Green Craft, "growth and decay in constant flow."

So yes - almost every single witch in the coven dies. Yes, it's permanent. No, the queer romance isn't resolved happily. No, Agatha doesn't have a redemption, satisfying or otherwise. And no, none of it follows what we've come to expect from found family story trajectories.

But the focus shouldn't be solely on the decay. There's a whole cycle of growth coming up after it, even now, and it's being made possible by the death and decay that we just witnessed. And most importantly, it's confirmed that this isn't the end of the story - just the end of "Agatha All Along."

---

I'll finish by actually answering your question - I've been sitting with the finale for a few days, because I also felt weird about it. And I think that's the right word: "Weird." Very spooky season-esque, first of all, but also not tipping all the way right into "bad".

The first thing to acknowledge is that no story is perfect - they were limited by nine episodes by what they had the space to show, and finales are really hard to get just right. The second is that you're allowed to not like any or all of it, especially when something happens that asks you to change your entire understanding of the story thus far, i.e. the Road isn't real, or when you have a particular trauma around death and it turns out that that's what the whole show is about in ways we hadn't fully realized. The third is that it's worth sitting with stories sometimes and seeing how they marinate and develop in your brain and your soul over time. All of these things can and should coexist.

This isn't my first go-round with a series finale that initially made me ???, so I was fortunate in that I felt like I had a cheat sheet. I've still got some marinating to do to see how this continues to change for me. But it's helped me to realize that my ??? reaction is what the story wanted me to have - that the characters are reeling right along with me. Not just Alice in shock about her death, but also Billy at the implications of his creation of the Road regarding his responsiblity for what happened on it. We're meant to feel this way… and then we're meant to reconsider the journey we've been on, the Road we've walked with all of them and the death we've died alongside them, and see it anew for what it really is.

[papermonkeyism]

Pondering some other characters of Arcanth's story thing.

Things are still VERY vague, but the gist of it is they're all part of an expedition to reopen and restart an old magic research station thingy in the arsecrack of nowhere that was abandoned several years ago for reasons, the general story being about the trip of getting a bunch of nerds up there to do their nerd thing.

As you can very well see, my actual character design priorities have so far been... uh, not very hominid. My sketchbook says I designed Xaranthras in early january last year, where as, uh, most of the more human people I've never actually drawn before.

Anyway. I've had these characters floating around my head for about a year, and thought I could lump them together. The human/elf/somethingbetween is the resource manager of the project, and very much not a wilderness survival kinda person, who hired Xaranthras as their personal butler/caretaker/bodyguard for the expedition.

[eliotlime]

End of September Update

Just as a heads up, I'll be closing my commissions after the first week of October (06/10/2024) just so I can focus on other projects! If you'd like to order a bug from me or get any of my other regular commissions now's a good time to do so!

(Bugstyle | Regular Comms)

I made a really brief post on twitter about what I'm up to but since tumblr supports more text I'll just go into more depth on what projects I'm working on at the moment and general life updates!

I used to write blog posts on wordpress for school and it's just hilarious that I stopped doing that considering it feels like I was born to blog!

In general, I've been trying to crawl out of this very odd mood swing-y state I've been in for the past year. I've been semi-public about it but I graduated with a degree in animation same time last year and have sort of been recovering from the absolute burn out of that as well as watching the animation industry essentially collapse just as I left college.

I'm hoping to get into UI/UX design this coming October and try to piece what little control I have of my life back together. I don't really know what I'm doing to be honest and it feels like I'm just pawing in the dark with a lot of this stuff.

In lighter news I've been trying to get into something I've always wanted to for years which is comics! I'm not sure how much I can speak about it at the moment but I just got into an anthology which is very exciting.

I applied to shortbox last year but didn't get in :( but fingers crossed I'll get in next year! On a related note I've made a Cara profile which I'm using as a comics portfolio and archive.

--

Those of you who've been following me for years know that I've had a webcomic project called, Happenstance (which I've restarted endlessly for about 10 years at this point). While I don't really have a concrete update of that for you guys I will say that the story is more or less fixed and whatever version of it I have now is most likely the version I'll proceed with in the future.

I did try to get the ball rolling with this at the start of the year with a pilot comic but it made me so miserable to work on it I abandoned it and started making an unrelated zine instead haha

I do have plans on finishing this eventually and it'll be up on my itch.io and gumroad like everything else!

Speaking of the zine, I'd just like to thank everyone who purchased Cute Thing! I think for my first independent book project it did pretty well! It was incredibly embarrassing and nerve wrecking to promote it but I'm glad I did it.

I don't know why there's an 18+ warning on this considering this zine is pretty tame.

I guess it also helped that that stupid ass diary comic i made blew up at the same time so I got to shill my wares in relation to it. Even though I think it gave me some kind of psychological damage but every time i gain minor internet fame i shrink back into my shell anyway, this is just the first time i really felt so much.. vitriol from randos lol.

It's just hilarious it overlapped with whatever guilty gear obsession I had at the time as well. Thank you to everyone who stuck around and uh.. sorry! I walk wherever the wind takes me and it's frequently towards my own characters.

But! Speaking of Guilty Gear, I am working on an Abacelsus zine I briefly talked about on twitter a couple months back. The title is sort of pending at the moment and while I did say it might be free as a digital download, I'm probably going to charge a couple of dollars because of how much effort I'm putting into this.

On the plus side that means I'll probably be putting more effort into it! I'm aiming for 24 interior pages of stuff and hoping to release a digital version of it by Halloween 2024!

I'm trying to work on more prints and stickers for conventions as well and I never posted about my convention escapades here all too much but you can check out this instagram post for what I had up the last time I boothed!

That's kind of all for the stuff I'd like to get done within this year but other projects that I'd like to aim to get done by 2025 is a continuation of my Cute Thing zine that I'm aiming to collate by Valentines Day, hehe how romantic.

There's nothing terribly concrete for that at the moment but I do know I want it to have more pages than Cute Thing. It's called My Boy and yes it's named after another Car Seat Headrest song.

I've got a lot of irons in the fire and another iron is that I'm also planning a 4-panel comic series for my band characters that I've posted some pilots about before!

Pretty messy planning but most of my long form stuff looks like this.

A 4-panel comic series is just less intimidating than a fully coloured webcomic series (Happenstance) that I know will be finished decades later. I've also seen a lot of webcomic artists I've beloved just.. abandon their years long project and it's kind of scary to me that will definitely happen to me!!!

--

The long and short of it is that I've got a lot of projects and a majority of it is not making me any money. I'm extremely lucky to be surrounded by people that support my work but it gets hard to just do all of this by yourself with no guarantee that it'll go anywhere.

Patreon's a beast I've tried to tackle but it's kind of an ass of a website to use so I'll probably try to use ko-fi a bit more. I've kind of never really liked the subscription model and really do prefer to launch curated PDFs of my work every few months, but again I'm really just clawing at the dark and grasping at anything I can.

Let's wrap up this long post by mentioning that I might want to give streaming a shot! I used to stream a little when I was a teenager but I'd like to give it another go!

I don't think I'm going to have a dedicated persona or vtuber avatar but a small little png-tuber would be frankly hilarious. Maybe something casual to start of with, it gets pretty lonely spending everyday working on images alone.

--

Thank you for reading! It's an extremely long post to all but say that I'm scared but working on projects still! If you'd like to support me, here's my ko-fi page and while I'm working on getting more stuff on there here's my itchi.io & gumroad as well.

As I mentioned before I'm closing my commissions on the 6th of October to work on my Abacelsus zine so if you'd like to get a bug or any of my regular style commissions now's a good time to do so!

(Bugstyle | Regular Comms)

I'm hoping to make more update posts like these in the future and not psyche myself out every time because they're really good for me to collect my incredibly jumbled thoughts. Thanks again to everyone who's followed, supported or even just looked at my stuff it really means the world.

If you have any questions or just generally want to talk to me about my characters, my DMs and askbox is always open! Any professional enquires can be shot towards me email as well: eliotlime@gmail.com

XOXO, Stay weird!

-Eliot :)

[caramelaphobia]

YANDERE PSYCHOANALYSIS: KENNETH GOODFELLOW (RESTART HEART)

TW for discussions of controlling behavior, narcissistic abuse, relationship abuse, emotional and verbal abuse.

Before reading, I would like to make it clear I do NOT intend to defend or justify Kenneth's actions and can acknowledge his role as an unredeemable antagonist. I simply wrote this essay for the purpose of analyzing and speculating the psychology behind him as a yandere character. With that being said, I have done my best to handle this analysis with the utmost care and respect so as to not harm anyone who may be sensitive to given topics within this essay. I understand if anyone may feel uncomfortable reading this post and choose to not engage with it. If that is the case, I find it completely valid and take no offense. As always, I should mention I am not a professional mental health specialist and simply conduct these analyses for my own enjoyment. Be sure to check out Restart Heart for yourselves and support the game by following the blog @restartheart! and the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/QueenLilithPrime/posts

Introduction

In the indie visual novel game, Restart Heart, the game's events are centered around the aftermath of the player's break-up with their ex-fiancé, Kenneth Goodfellow. Kenneth serves as one of the main antagonists and is the only other notable yandere character in the game alongside Ezra Galverton. However, unlike Ezra, whose portrayal as a yandere remains faithful to the original trope of a lovestruck character utterly devoted to and overprotective of their object of affection, Kenneth’s portrayal falls in line with a darker depiction of the yandere.

Namely, the reason Kenneth and the player broke up was because he had cheated on them with their younger sister, Sarah, getting her pregnant in the process. The affair was then revealed at the player’s wedding shower which caused them to have a public meltdown and essentially end their relationship with Kenneth. Kenneth's attachment to the player persists nonetheless as he seeks to reunite with the player once more despite having seemingly caused them a great deal of trauma and failing to consider how the player would not want to get back together with him because of it. With this in mind, Kenneth's reprehensible behavior and prominent selfishness as a yandere character serve to highlight the horror aspects of the yandere trope by having the player be pursued by someone so detestable that his advances come off as suffocating and unwanted, border lining on dangerous as Kenneth remains persistent and grows more impatient the longer he is denied throughout the game.

As of now, Kenneth's first appearance within the game isn't set to take place until Day 7, which is currently unavailable; thus, most of, the information used to for this analysis will be derived from the game’s Patreon short stories and posts on the game's corresponding Tumblr blog. In doing so, I hope to provide an in-depth, albeit limited, understanding of why Kenneth acts the way he does, who he is, and what are his goals as a yandere character. Without further ado, let's jump right in.

Kenneth's Portrayal in the Game

While Kenneth is not physically present for the first few days in the game, certain pieces of dialogue reveal what type of person Kenneth is and how he treated the player during their relationship. For instance, on the first day of the game during the player's shift at work, Ezra playfully compliments them to which Blaire jokingly warns Ezra about Kenneth coming after him for doing so. Later on, Ezra and his friends invite the player out to spend time with them upon hearing that the player and Kenneth are no longer together. This prompts Ezra to refer to Kenneth as a "piece of shit," with the game's narration reading: “Ezra seemed to seethe a bit with his words. But they never really liked the way your ex treated you anyways."

Moreover, the conversation that takes place on Day 2 between the player and Steph, the player's childhood best friend, provides notable insight into Kenneth’s character. Upon being asked about why Steph didn't attend the player's wedding shower, they admit they disapproved of the player's marriage to Kenneth, going so far as to confess that they hate Kenneth and have held such disdain for him prior to the player's ending their relationship with him. However, dialogue from the player reveals that Steph helped Kenneth pick out an engagement ring, with them apparently having shown no signs of objection to the marriage during the entirety of the player's relationship with Kenneth. Steph then immediately corrects the player, explaining that the only reason they agreed to help Kenneth was because he was ignorant to the player's preferences, having been unable to remember the player's favorite color and assuming an extravagant ring  would suffice for his proposal because he didn't know what kind of jewelry the player liked either.

From these two instances, we can imagine what kind of a partner Kenneth was and how that may have contributed to his deteriorating relationship with the player and their subsequent break up. It is implied that Kenneth was overtly territorial of the player based on Blaire's lighthearted comment;, however, the narration suggests that Kenneth's possessiveness over them did not exactly stem from him loving them, unlike how it would for a typical yandere character. Instead, it clarifies how he treated the player poorly in addition to his constant territorial displays his ownership over them to others he perceived as threats to the relationship.

Kenneth’s propensity for acting possessive over the player and mistreating them may be indicators of deep-seated insecurity as both behaviors act to provide him with a sense of control, whether by projecting a more intimidating version of himself to others in attempts to prevent them from stealing the player away from him or putting the player down to make himself feel superior in comparison. In any other case, what would usually be seen as a desirable trait amongst yanderes, Kenneth’s possessiveness is depicted in a more sinister light when taking into account his mistreatment of the player as it indicates how he views the player as an object that belongs to him rather than an actual person, let alone a romantic partner.

This idea is further expanded upon during the conversation between Steph and the player in where Kenneth's lack of attention to detail reflects his the lack of effort he is willing to put in to learn about the player’s preferences and them as a person by extension as he projects onto them his own interpretation of them, that being someone who would be easily impressed and won over with his grandiose displays of luxury and extravagance.

Steph also discloses that even with the help Kenneth received to make everything perfect for the player's proposal, he still went ahead and cheated on the player with their younger sister and got her pregnant. In doing so, Kenneth exhibits a lack of empathy towards the player and their sister by not stopping to consider how this could hurt the player emotionally and impact the relationship between the two siblings which further highlights his inability to properly recognize the player as a person with their own thoughts and feelings. 

Kenneth’s contradicting behavior of going through the effort to appeal to the player’s preferences with the use of Steph’s knowledge on them, only to seemingly put it to waste as he cheated on the player afterwards, insinuates his proposal was more of an act of self-service meant to enhance Kenneth’s image to the player rather than it was to express any feelings of love towards them.

Moreover, it should be noted that as days pass within the game, Kenneth seems to be the only one who fails to reach out to the player following their public meltdown in contrast to everyone else in the game, emphasizing Kenneth’s lack of concern for the player’s well-being by implying he may have been more focused on doing damage control during that time.

Thus, with the few anecdotes we receive from the members of the game’s cast regarding Kenneth and his lack of interaction with the player following the night of their meltdown, we learn of Kenneth’s detestable nature as an insecure, manipulative, and selfish  partner prior to him making an actual appearance. Despite Kenneth’s absence in the game as of yet, there are various Tumblr posts and information from the Patreon short stories that provide more insight into Kenneth’s background which we can then utilize to analyze and infer about Kenneth’s psychology and character.

Kenneth's Background

According to one of the posts on the game's Tumblr blog, Kenneth grew up alongside the player, Steph, and the player's sister due to how close the three families were. This has been expanded upon in the Patreon story, "The Love of Modeling,” which is centered around Steph and how they developed an interest in modeling; however, it also provides a glimpse into Kenneth's home life growing up. The story portrays Kenneth as a somewhat difficult child, categorized by his grouchy demeanor and his hostile behavior towards Steph, such as the aggressive manner in which he greets them and how he orders them to follow his instructions, as well as how he seemingly throws his art supplies in their face without regard for their safety.

Kenneth’s poor social skills may be attributed to the fact that he nor Steph were allowed to interact with other kids their age, according to an excerpt from the story, and are reflected in how Kenneth interacts with his family at home—the dynamics of which would provide him with an early frame of reference for his future relationships. This brings us to Kenneth's relationship with his mother as she is mentioned sparsely throughout the story. As a child, Kenneth held his mother in high regards and appeared to be somewhat clingy towards her, referring to her as “Mommy” at an age when it would be deemed inappropriate to do so, as pointed out by Steph, and trying to enforce her intolerance for explicit language onto Steph upon hearing them curse at him.

At first glance,  Kenneth and his mother’s relationship may not seem so out of the ordinary as many children idolize their parents, nor is it uncommon for parents to not want their children to engage in certain behaviors, like cursing, due to parents' awareness of the social stigma associated with such behaviors. However, this minor detail about Kenneth’s mom in addition to her restricting who Kenneth interacts with hints at her controlling nature as a parent. This is highlighted in Kenneth's explanation behind his noticeable petite and gaunt stature in which he claims, “Mother says I must limit myself if I am to be a graceful young man,” implying Kenneth’s mother is restricting Kenneth’s food intake to an unhealthy degree. Additionally, upon being encouraged by Steph to indulge in his passion for art, Kenneth argues back, “Mother says… I shouldn’t enjoy drawing too much..." In this instance, his mother’s smothering extends to dictating what Kenneth can and cannot enjoy, further emphasizing the control she wields over him

This also applies to how Kenneth addresses his mother as he switches from the childish term, “Mommy,” to the more formal “Mother” as opposed to “Mom,” which would be considered the default and most accepted way for him to address her at his age. While it may seem like a nitpick, the way someone speaks about another and the language they use when doing so can reveal how said person is viewed and their relationship to the person addressing them. In Kenneth’s case, his instinct to default to “Mother” can indicate how he sees her as an authoritarian figure to be respected out of fear of being denied her approval and her love by extension.

Thus, when examining how far Kenneth’s mother controlling behavior goes beyond not wanting him to curse, but to the point of restricting his interactions with others, what he eats and what hobbies he’s allowed to participate in, all the while justifying it as being beneficial for Kenneth, it seems Kenneth’s mother is focused on molding him to fit an idealized version of himself meant to align with and uphold his family’s image at the expense of his own wants and needs, rather than raising him to be his own person capable of defining his own identity and worth. Consequently, this lack of autonomy and pressure to live up to his family’s expectations at a young age may be the cause of Kenneth’s underlying insecurity and fixation with his image as well as control.

According to a Tumblr post regarding Kenneth’s upbringing, Kenneth’s mother was “stricken with grief and trauma all the time,” which may explain why she smothered and coddled  Kenneth  growing up as this type of behavior can manifest as a result of the parent’s own trauma as they project their own fears and insecurities on their children and create a very confining life for them through overprotecting and restricting. While it’s not stated specifically what caused Kenneth’s mother trauma, it can be inferred she may have been struggling with some sort of loss as the connotation of the word “grief” would imply. Thus, it would make sense as to why Kenneth’s mother is so involved in Kenneth’s life, seemingly regulating every aspect of it, as she may fear losing him and being left alone as he is her only son. Nevertheless, overbearing parents, such as Kenneth’s mother, enact more harm than good at the cost of their children’s independence as their smothering often cultivates a tyranny of repetition in their children’s identities, thoughts and feelings.

The desired identity Kenneth’s mother was trying to cultivate in particular, was that of a “graceful, young man” who would reflect well on Kenneth’s family as mentioned in “The Love of Modeling.” Subsequently, this would also make Kenneth’s mother the perfectionist type as she goes about critiquing and controlling Kenneth’s eating, hobbies, and social life, essentially raising him live up to an idealized version of himself, most likely as a way of maintaining the family’s image and their upper-class status which has been referenced in several different posts. Hence, one could imagine how Kenneth may have been endowed with sense of superiority and entitlement from his privileged upbringing and his mother’s coddling while simultaneously dealing with insecurity from the pressures to conform to his mother’s expectations of him.

In contrast to Kenneth’s mother, Kenneth’s father was emotionally distant and neglectful, often working too much to spend any time with him or pushing him off to his mother, according to a post mentioned earlier. This, in combination with his mother’s mishandling of her own trauma, has left Kenneth without any stable figures in his life, as explained in the post, and could be what contributed to Kenneth’s lack of empathy and seeming inability to connect with others. This idea is supported in a study conducted by Hildyard & Wolfe (2002) that found that neglected children often have negative mental representations of others, are usually socially withdrawn, and tend to be more aggressive than non-maltreated children, of which most of these statements apply to Kenneth during his youth in “The Love of Modeling.” 

Furthermore, a different study that focused on how empathy develops through a secure attachment examined the effects on a child’s development when an abrupt separation halts this process. The study found that an abrupt separation, such as when a child’s parent is incarcerated, can rupture the child’s sense of security occurs and significantly impact their empathy development (Ingoglia et al., 2011). Lastly, another study by De Paul & Guibert (2008) supports this sentiment as individuals who grew up in negligent and abusive environments generated low empathy scores.

With this in mind, Kenneth’s lack of empathy manifests in the way he mistreats the player, namely by verbally and emotionally abusing them as stated in a separate Tumblr post, and the manner in which he flippantly cheats on the player, with their sister no less, impregnating her in the process, all the while having no regard for either of their feelings.

All of this to say: Kenneth’s relationships with his parents majorly impacted his relationship with the player and influenced the maladaptive behaviors he engages in as an adult. His mother’s overbearing and perfectionist nature has instilled in Kenneth a persistent feeling of insecurity as a result of the strict expectations thrust upon him as a youth, while his father’s apathy towards him and emotional neglect of Kenneth for most of his life contributed to Kenneth's lack of empathy as an adult.

Overall, it appears Kenneth had little to no control over his life growing up, nor did he receive proper love when it wasn’t under the condition of him fulfilling others’ expectations of him. Therefore, Kenneth’s psychological development has been stunted, evident by his deep-rooted insecurity and lack of empathy. This may lead Kenneth to cope with this trauma and attempt to establish a sense of security by acting out what he experienced during his youth in his relationship with the player in which he gains power over them through abuse and manipulation and takes comfort in having their honest love as his childhood best friend.

Self-Presentation Theory: Narcissism and Self-Presentation Tactics

The term narcissism is used to describe a personality trait rooted in self-idealization and, like other personality traits, exists on a spectrum. Over time, the term has been conflated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) despite the two being separate constructs--the latter of which is rarer, affecting 1% of the population, and develops when narcissistic traits impair a person’s daily functioning (Wakefield, 2022). Thus, narcissism itself is not an inherently negative trait as it can be beneficial in healthy amounts; however, problems arise when one has too much narcissism or not enough, leading to issues with self-esteem and self-image. With this in mind, the term narcissist is usually in reference to someone who displays a heightened preoccupation with themselves.

Recent research suggests that there are two phenotypes of narcissism: grandiose and vulnerable. Narcissistic individuals may have a more dominant phenotype they remain in, but it is possible for them to experience both types as well as display covert and overt expressions of narcissistic behavior. Grandiose narcissists usually come off as more assertive, confident, extraverted, vain, and socially competent; moreover, it’s argued that grandiose narcissism is comprised of three unique components, as measured by the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), including entitlement/exploitativeness (E/E), grandiose exhibitionism (G/E), and leadership/authority (L/A) (Hart et al., 2017). Vulnerable narcissists, on the other hand, are typically described as being shy, neurotic, and introverted, but may come across as rude, arrogant and conceited following longer encounters with them (Hart et al., 2017). In either case, both are presumed to have overlapping traits, namely entitlement, exploitativeness, and grandiose fantasies alongside inflated concerns about self-esteem (whether it be protection or enhancement) and social power striving (Hart et al., 2017).

These concerns and desires for how narcissists present and wish to improve their image may be rooted in impression motivation which is the motivation to control how one is perceived; the way they then go about developing their image is through impression construction, also known as the behaviors used to cultivate or defend a desired image. Both impression motivation and impression construction serve as the two main components of self-presentation theory. According to Hart et al. (2017)., “self-presentation theory suggests that human behavior is often designed to project subjectively desired identity images to audiences.” In this context, self-presentation involves conscious or unconscious behaviors to control said self-relevant images and is expressed through self-presentation tactics. All of that to say: self-presentation tactics aid in  impression construction which is fueled by impression motivation.

Self-presentation tactics are categorized in the way they are implemented, either being used to defend one’s self-image (e.g., making excuses for failure) or assert desired self-images (e.g., bragging about a success).

Assertive Tactics:

Blasting: Involves verbally abusing others to make one look better by comparison.

Enhancement: The individual exaggerates something he/she has done.

Entitlement: The individual claims credit for doing something he/she has not done. Exemplification: The individual promotes him/herself by trying to appear morally worthy. Ingratiation: Actions performed to get others to like the actor so that the actor can gain some advantage from them.

Supplication: An actor projects himself or herself as weak and displays dependence to solicit help from a target person.

Intimidation: Involves threatening others to get others to behave in a certain way.

Defensive Tactics:

Apologies: a confession of responsibility for any harm done to others or negative events and expressions of remorse and guilt.

Disclaimers: The individual expresses to offer explanations before predicaments occur.

Excuses: Involves denying that one is responsible for negative occurrences.

Justifications: Involve accepting responsibility for one's behavior, while giving explanations for it. Self-handicapping: involves feelings of anxiety or distress that are not always prominent in psychopaths.

It is presumed that grandiose narcissists experience enhanced impression motivation in contexts that offer opportunities for image cultivation with goals for social power and enhanced self-esteem being thought to enhance impression motivation and assertive self-presentation; thus, grandiose narcissists are more likely to take an enthusiastic and bold approach in achieving such goals, seeing as how they tend to be high in extraversion and sensation seeking and possess a highly sensitive approach motivational system that helps to promote movement toward desired states. Taking this into account, grandiose narcissists are predicted to be associated with a heightened motivation for image cultivation and a subsequent heightened use of assertive self-presentation tactics that convey identity images that are typically desired by and can be reasonably claimed by grandiose narcissists (i.e., the tactics are rather consistent with current reputations and the self-concept): authoritative/self-sufficient, dominant, and glibly charming (Hart et al., 2017). Examples of assertive self-presentation tactics a grandiose narcissist may relate to are enhancement, entitlement, intimidation, blasting, and ingratiation; however, the same could be said for certain defensive tactics, such as justification as a means of putting a positive spin on negative events.

In terms of vulnerable narcissists, they might relate to heightened impression motivation and, consequently, a heightened use of both assertive and defensive tactics. Seeing as how vulnerable narcissism relates to high shame proneness, high neuroticism, and a fearful or anxious attachment style, vulnerable narcissists should be highly motivated to relieve these negative emotions through remedial self-presentation tactics when confronted with image threat. (Hart et al., 2017). Additionally, as vulnerable narcissists, similar to their grandiose narcissist counterparts, possess chronic goals for social power and enhanced self-esteem, vulnerable narcissists' impression motivation should also be high in situations that do not involve immediate threat but offer opportunities for image cultivation. This use of both assertive and defensive tactics may then explain the typical contradicting descriptions of vulnerable narcissists being described as timid, defensive, and hypersensitive, but also as arrogant, bossy, and conceited (Hart et al., 2017).

The self-presentation tactic choices of vulnerable narcissists are likely to be consistent with aspects of their identities, specifically defensive tactics such as excuses and justifications may be used to discredit negative images while disclaimers and self-handicapping may be used by vulnerable narcissists who anticipate poor performances as a way of .reducing the diagnosticity of poor performances, their own bruised ego, and other’s expectations of them (Hart et al., 2017). Moreover, vulnerable narcissism might not relate to heightened use of apologies under the belief that admitting fault is a sign of weakness which could leave them susceptible to social rejection or because their sense of entitlement makes apologies appear unnecessary. In regards to assertive tactics, vulnerable narcissism may be related to self-presentation tactics that reflect desired images such as self-importance (enhancement, entitlement, and blasting) and superficial charm (ingratiation) (Hart et al., 2017).

When applying self-presentation theory to Kenneth, it can be theorized that he is of the grandiose narcissist phenotype as he presents himself to be extraverted and pretentious as well as displays heightened impression motivation which he expresses through various self-presentation tactics that aid in the protection and construction of his desired image.

It’s inferred that Kenneth suffers from insecurity as a result of being pressured to conform to his mother’s high expectations of him during his youth. However, another post comparing him and Ezra elaborates more on Kenneth’s insecurities, specifically his physical appearance and how they don't align with the Western ideal of masculinity. According to the post: "Ezra is everything Kenneth wants to be physically. He's strong, tall, and has a pretty face. He's also super confident and has a deep voice that Kenneth is jealous of."  Seeing as how Kenneth is unable to control these aspects of himself, he deals with these insecurities by utilizing various self-presentation tactics to cultivate an image he can feel more secure in.

 For instance, one of the tactics Kenneth employs is intimidation. He utilizes intimidation against the player by dictating who they are allowed to be friends with and forbids them from interacting with people taller than 6 feet (182 cm) or anyone else who he feels highlights his flaws in comparison. Additionally, Kenneth resorts to blasting the player as a way of devaluing them to render them dependent on him for approval and discourage them from seeking out other partners, thereby enhancing his image in their eyes. Moreover, another post mentions how Kenneth would have no problem letting others mistreat the player if the person’s status allowed him to enhance his social standing via ingratiation, which reflects his chronic goals for social power and enhanced self-esteem, as well as demonstrates his heightened impression motivation in an opportune situation to improve his image.

Furthermore, in a post about the player’s sister, it is specified that Kenneth goes about placating his partners with gifts, most likely as a way to emphasize and attract them to his wealth and influence them into viewing him in a more positive light. When he wasn’t manipulating the player, Kenneth would manipulate others by enhancing his image as the “perfect boyfriend” while the two were out in public together, engaging in “lots of affectionate gestures, sweet words, and loving affirmations,” according to one Tumblr post. Consequently, this would have made it difficult for the player to end the relationship without the threat of ostracization from others for being perceived as an ungrateful or unworthy partner undeserving of being with Kenneth.

Lastly, in a series of several posts presenting a situation in which the player confronts Kenneth for his affair, Kenneth utilizes justification and excuses as a way of denying any accountability and defending his image, all the while shifting blame onto the player and their sister by blasting them both. Seeing as how Day 7 is yet to be released, this scenario currently remains hypothetical, but still provides an interesting demonstration of his character.

Thus, Kenneth demonstrates many traits of being a narcissist based off of the various self-presentation tactics he utilizes to control how he is perceived by others and compensate for his feelings of insecurity. It's possible these feelings manifest as Kenneth’s aspirations for social power which are believed to be influenced by a heightened impression motivation and wanting to enhance his self-image to others. In the process, Kenneth has exploited and manipulated others to gain their approval and establish his power over them as a means of aligning himself with his desired image and achieving the sense of security that comes along with it.

Why Did Kenneth Cheat?

Psychologists Vazire and Funder (2006) conceptualized self-control as ego control or “the ability to inhibit impulses and delay gratification,” and have presented findings depicting a moderate-to-large relation between narcissism and low self-control. This could explain why grandiose narcissists in particular tend to be high in sensation seeking and possess a highly sensitive approach motivation--the desire to move towards or maintain contact with a desired stimulus. With this in mind, it's suggested that narcissists purposely alter their behavior to appear uninhibited and project a desired identity. Specifically, self-presentation theory proposes people engage in certain behaviors in order to project a desired identity image to an audience; however, irrational and self-defeating patterns of human behavior, such as gambling and substance abuse, are also believed to be behavioral choices intended to project desired identities which may apply to narcissists who attempt to reframe their negative behavior as a desirable aspect of their self-image (Hart et al., 2017). Thus, low self-control amongst narcissists can be re-conceptualized as a desired identity that demonstrates power and freedom by choosing to not inhibit themselves. In this case, Kenneth's desired identity would be the patriarchal standard of masculinity, also known as the Alpha male—a man who is confident, strong, dominant, financially, sexually, and socially successful.

According to two separate posts, Kenneth cheated out boredom and because he believes having multiple partners aligns him closer to his desired identity. These feelings of boredom may be attributed to low ego control which is enabled by enhanced sensation seeking and a highly sensitive approach motivation and consequently expressed as a lack of self-control. Taking this into account, Kenneth resorts to cheating whenever he feels aroused and the opportunity presents itself; he may also do it for the sense of power he gets from manipulating others which fuels his ego and encourages him to continue engaging in this type of behavior.

Instead of acknowledging how harmful his actions are, Kenneth then justifies and reframes his behavior as a strategic display of low self-control meant to project his desired identity of an Alpha male through demonstrating a high sex drive and access to unlimited partners. In doing so, Kenneth seeks to downplay the effect his behavior has on the player and their relationship as a means of avoiding accountability and sustaining their relationship for his benefit by keeping them tethered to him while he continues his pursuits outside of the relationship. Additionally, Kenneth' father's frequent engagement in this type of behavior exposed and desensitized Kenneth to cheating at a young age, leading him to normalize this behavior as he grew up and influencing his inability to understand why his actions are wrong and how they harm the player.

Having said that, it's noted that Kenneth also engages in promiscuous behavior as a means of filling a void within himself according to one post. It can be inferred that the "void" he feels within himself may be the result of unresolved identity issues in where Kenneth's idealized self as the Alpha male is in conflict with his true self which is comprised of his insecurities and flaws. This conflict may then contribute to a lack of authenticity and a sense of insecurity in one's identity. Seeing as how Kenneth demonstrates many traits associated with narcissists, it could be theorized that he struggles with the lack of an authentic self as that trait is also cited as being one of the primary ones associated with narcissistic identity disorders

According to samarpanhealth.com (2023), narcissists are incapable of having a cohesive and well-rounded identity due to their fragmented sense of self, making it arduous for them to live as a consummate and authentic person and challenging for them to know themselves plenarily. Individuals with NPD present an idealized self-image that is much at odds with their genuine inner self; however, this discrepancy is obnubilated beneath an exterior of grandiosity. In additament to other problematic childhood experiences, abuse and neglect withal deepen the fissures in their pristine, or Core, personality. Subsequently, their energy focus and urge to keep themselves safe from any perceived threats obstruct emotional development and the formation of an authentic and stable identity. Their identity quandaries are made worse by this discrepancy between their idealized image and their veritable selves, which could very well leave them feeling deeply empty inside and unsatisfied. Moreover, it’s believed that this absence of an authentic self may be what contributes to the lack of empathy displayed in those with NPD as they avoid facing their own emotional weaknesses and discount the experiences and feelings of others as a means of maintaining their perceived superiority and the sense of security that comes along with it. Consequently, their underlying identity troubles can make it difficult for people with NPD to empathize with and comprehend others

Thus in Kenneth's case, his relationship with the player could have very well served as a  way of attempting to fill the void in himself by cementing his idealized self of someone who fit his parents' and society's expectations of him as a financially successful man in a happy, loving, relationship with an equally perfect spouse. In actuality, the chronic feelings of emptiness Kenneth experiences can only be alleviated with introspection and professional help; however, Kenneth refuses to seek out treatment as doing so would require him to acknowledge and voice his feelings of insecurity which would be the equivalent to admitting to weakness in his eyes. As a result, Kenneth's engages in various types of maladaptive behavior such as manipulation, abuse, and cheating as a way of coping with his own short-comings. Kenneth then fails to stay faithful in his relationship with the player once he realizes it won't solve his problems but opts to continue it for the temporary benefits it does provide him, namely fulfilling his parents expectations of him and allowing him to regain power in his life by controlling the player as he shapes them into his ideal partner. In doing so, he devalues the player, viewing them less as their own person over time and more as a status symbol to fuel his ego and reaffirm his identity as an Alpha male. Furthermore, Kenneth mirrors this behavior with others whom he pursues outside of his relationship as he seemingly goes after people who would be more susceptible to his manipulation and powerless against him when he eventually discards them which both reaffirm his own sense of superiority and the subsequent feelings of security associated with it.

This brings us to the player's sister, Sarah. In her case, we have to examine what she could’ve provided Kenneth that would motivate him to pursue her. One post in particular reveals how the two began their affair. It details that Sarah grew infatuated with Kenneth because of his close relation to the player whom she idolizes and seeks approval from; thus, she sought out Kenneth’s favor in hopes of garnering the player’s attention. Moreover, Sarah was manipulated into a relationship with Kenneth in the same way the player had been as he gained her affection by spoiling her with numerous gifts and positive attention. With this in mind, Kenneth most likely utilized Sarah’s naivety and desperation for approval to his own advantage as his relationship with Sarah provided him with an easy source of narcissistic supply. Aside from what Sarah can provide for Kenneth’s ego however, Kenneth harbors zero feelings towards Sarah, caring little for how she feels as stated in another post. Consequently, he may be well on his way to discarding her seeing as how she’s the one who exposed their affair and cost him his relationship with the player after he already got what he wanted out of her.

Despite his propensity for cheating and the psychological rewards he reaps from it, Kenneth has more reasons to re-establish his relationship with the player than he does trying to pursue one with someone else. Unlike his flings, Kenneth has feelings for the player; additionally, a relationship between the two would satisfy his parent's wishes, as well as satiate Kenneth’s desire of having the player committed to him, and his desire for control and love by extension. Thus, Kenneth considers his relationship with the player to be more valuable and worth pursuing as it would prove to be more beneficial to him in the long run compared to a relationship with another. 

Kenneth's Motivations as a Yandere

Prior to proposing to the player, Kenneth was pressured by his family to choose between the player and Steph to marry for the purpose of uniting their families as revealed in the Love of Modeling. Moreover, it's insinuated that Kenneth chose the player to marry because he perceived them to be easier to manipulate, describing them as  “quiet, focused, desperate for a parents approval.” Compare this to Steph who was described as being more stubborn and outspoken as well as  “tall, lean…confident in their appearance..” which reminded Kenneth of his insecurities and thus could have further persuaded him to choose the player over Steph. Overall, this information supports the idea that Kenneth’s feelings for the player were, at least in some part, born out of the control they provided him. 

Be that as it may, Kenneth has apparently wanted to be with the player for over a decade now, as he’s infatuated with “the idea of them being his” according to one post. Moreover, in another post regarding whether Kenneth truly loves the player, it reads, "In a very sick, twisted, broken definition of the word love that makes anyone who is truly in love spit the word out as if its poison, he does," likening Kenneth's love to the same love one has for their childhood toy.

 With that being said, it's possible that Kenneth’s feelings for the player stem from the sense of emotional security they provide him, as was the case with his friend group with Steph, since Kenneth was not too fond of Steph leaving the group nor was he pleased about the little time the three of them had to hang out together as they grew older. This distress Kenneth felt as he watched his friends gradually grow apart from him may be the result of isolation he experienced as a child and has possibly embedded within him fear of abandonment. If that were the case, then that could explain why he’s so possessive over the player as they represent one of, if not the only, sources of security in his life.

This sentiment is supported by the previously mentioned Tumblr post which specifies Kenneth's reasoning behind liking the player, reading,  "They've been together a long time and their families are close," with Kenneth wanting to continue their relationship due to the player seemingly playing into Kenneth's fantasies as the ideal spouse and the comfort their relationship provides him. He enjoys how easy it is to keep the player happy and how he feels comfortable around them, likely due to having known each other their entire lives.

Subsequently, Kenneth is discouraged from pursuing any other long-term, meaningful relationships with anyone else outside of the player as he "doesn't want to make effort with anyone else and hates the idea of having to actually woo anyone with affection." This way of thinking may be further influenced by Kenneth's belief that he cannot be loved without the use of manipulation and is unworthy of receiving it on his own. With the player, however, Kenneth evidently views them as someone he can rely on to provide him comfort without him having to try to make them love him, endowing him with that sense of security he feels when he's with them.

Moreover, Kenneth’s verbal and emotional abuse of the player, while seemingly contradictory to his goal of wanting to establish a successful relationship with the player, was meant to keep the player tethered to him by making them feel too insecure to pursue others outside of him and grow dependent on him for approval as result, deliberately dissuading the player from leaving Kenneth and prolonging their relationship to Kenneth’s benefit.

Thus, Kenneth's relationship with the player seemingly hinges on convenience and control—an idea which is cemented in another sentence from the post that reads, "He already has someone who loves him, why try to make anyone else love him?"

Taking this into account and acknowledging how Kenneth is unable to view the player as their own person outside of their relation to him, it would make sense as to why he has no qualms cheating on them as he expects them to remain loyal to him and love him unconditionally because he is aware of the control he has over them to dissuade them from leaving should they challenge his expectations. Therefore, Kenneth’s goal of pursuing the player may be not really be about his love for them, but rather what they provide him, whether it be comfort or control. Ideally, it seems Kenneth hopes that by re-establishing a more permanent relationship with the player, he will achieve some sort of stability in his life by having someone whom he has total control over and who will always love him, remaining faithful to him and remedying his insecurities about himself. However, this is an unlikely outcome for Kenneth as it’s been previously observed in his original relationship with the player that he still felt unsatisfied while he was with them, most likely because he thought they would be enough to make him whole, so to speak. Thus, when this didn’t happen, he engaged in cheating and fantasizing about others while he was still with the player to regain control of his situation and satiate the persistent feelings of emptiness and  boredom he felt after realizing a relationship with the player wasn't as fulfilling as he thought it would be.

With this in mind, his breakup with the player could be what puts into perspective the reality of his situation as it signifies a loss of control and negatively impacts his public image which both deprive him from receiving respect, approval, and love and trigger his feelings of insecurity as a result. This in turn motivates Kenneth to pursue the player once more with the aim of taking back control, repairing his image, and stopping his worst fears and insecurities from coming to fruition.

Ultimately, the player makes the final decision in deciding their fate with Kenneth and has the option to reject him or to get back together with him; however, in either case, Kenneth is still considered an antagonist as his route concludes with one of the bad endings in the game according to a previous Tumblr post Thus, by portraying any attempts to re-establish a relationship with Kenneth as negative, the game highlights his nature as an abusive, manipulative, and narcissistic character which make him being a yandere all the more terrifying, demonstrated by his utilization of persistence, influence, and aggression in achieving his goals.

Conclusion

To sum up, Kenneth has yet to make an actual appearance; however, his role as an irredeemable character is made evident based off what other characters in game say and feel about him in addition to pieces of Kenneth's lore collected from the game's Tumblr and Patreon.

Kenneth's characterization is a more dark depiction of the trope as his portrayal serves to highlight the horrors of a toxic relationship with him having no qualms using verbal and emotional abuse, as well as manipulation to prevent the player from leaving him. As a result, Kenneth as a character is terrifying as his actions mirror that of real-life perpetrators in abusive relationships. Despite this, Kenneth has been given some character development, namely as a deeply insecure narcissist.

Having grown up in a strict and isolating household with a controlling mother and an emotionally absent father, Kenneth was raised to live up to his parent's expectations of him, regardless if it cost him giving up his hobbies and being denied actual love and the independence to form his own identity. Consequently, Kenneth struggles with a deep-rooted sense of insecurity and possible unresolved identity issues, embedding within Kenneth a feeling of emptiness. In an unhealthy way of coping with these problems, Kenneth engages in  various self-presentation tactics and maladaptive behaviors, such as cheating and manipulation, as a means of curating and defending a desired image of himself that provides him a sense of security by extension.

While Kenneth is considered a yandere for the player, that did not deter him from mistreating them as it has to do with how he views them and what they provide for them. Notably, Kenneth's love for the player can be likened to that of the love one feels for childhood toy with the player acting as a source of comfort for him due to how they fit into his fantasy of the perfect spouse, how easy they are to manipulate, and how little he has to try sustain their affection for him compared with his other partners whom he knows he'd have to thoroughly convince to love him.

As a result, Kenneth is uninterested in letting the player move on from him after he was exposed for cheating on them with their sister, Sarah, as his failure to rekindle his relationship with the player would signify a major loss of control and security in his life, triggering his insecurity and motivating him to pursue the player in spite of any objections they may have.

With all that being said, Kenneth's fate largely depends on the choices the player makes in the game and whether those choices agree with wishes to repair their relationship or go against them, both of which risk putting the player in danger. Regardless, with the influence him and his family have in addition to their wealth, he'll have no problems getting his or others' hands dirty in order to get the player back together with him.

References

De Paul, J., & Guibert, M. (2008). Empathy and child neglect: A theoretical model. Child Abuse & Neglect, 32(11), 1063–1071. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2008.03.003

Hart, W., Adams, J., Burton, K. A., & Tortoriello, G. K. (2017). Narcissism and self-presentation: Profiling grandiose and vulnerable Narcissists’ self-presentation tactic use. Personality and Individual Differences, 104, 48–57. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2016.06.062

Hart, W., Richardson, K., Tortoriello, G., & Tullett, A. (2017). Strategically out of control: A self-presentational conceptualization of narcissism and low self-control. Personality and Individual Differences, 114, 103–107. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2017.03.046

Hildyard, K. L., & Wolfe, D. A. (2002). Child neglect: Developmental Issues and Outcomes. Child Abuse & Neglect, 26(6-7), 679–695. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0145-2134(02)00341-1

Ingoglia, S., Lo Coco, A., Liga, F., & Grazia Lo Cricchio, M. (2011). Emotional separation and detachment as two distinct dimensions of parent—adolescent relationships. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 35(3), 271–281. https://doi.org/10.1177/0165025410385878

‌samarpanhealth.com. (2023). Identity Struggles in Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Samarpan Mental Health and Wellness. https://www.samarpanhealth.com/blog/identity-struggles-in-narcissistic-personality-disorder

Vazire, S., & Funder, D. C. (2006). Impulsivity and the Self-Defeating Behavior of Narcissists. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(2), 154–165. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327957pspr1002_4

Wakefield, M. (2022, March 27). What Does Narcissism Mean in Psychology? Definition and Characteristics. Narcissistic Abuse Rehab. https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/what-is-narcissism/

[twst-rose-prisms]

Twst boys and their respective Vocaloid songs

As the title said, I've been wanting to assign some Vocaloid songs for the twst characters as there are quite a lot of songs that specifically fit them! I'll include some lyrics part as of why I think it fits along with a small analysis + song link! I'm letting my Vocaloid braincells taking over this time hehe 🌹❤️

Shout out to my bestie @twst-megane for helping me out a bunch once again!!

Characters: All NRC students Warning: Some of these songs contain angsty/dark themes or imply self-harm, however it's nothing too much as that's the nature of Vocaloid songs in general and I recommend you checking them out if you guys can!

Part 1 | Part 2

🌹 Heartslabyul 🌹

Riddle: Bitter Choco Decoration

Pretty self-explanatory from the lyrics if you remember Riddle’s backstory with his strict, controlling mother. His entire life up until he became a student has been under his mom’s influence and it ended up him being too strict even to himself and his emotions - just like the meaning of the song too.

“Bitter choco decoration I long for the ideal that everyone wishes for Bitter choco decoration I reduce my individuality and my emotions to ashes Bitter choco decoration Kill your desires and ego, and bury them all underground Bitter choco decoration I've finally grown up, mama” “Surely, tomorrow, and the days after This hell will continue on and on. Alas, so please, just for now Let me keep the feelings I had when I was but a child And be the naked me.”

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Ace: Lost One’s Weeping

Being a rebellious person, I’m thinking this song fits Ace the most as it’s about questioning the flawed system, questioning one’s being and purpose and that if we have to keep living under some sort of authority for the rest of our life. As you can already see how he acts in Book 1 towards Riddle - defying authority, questioning it, and being rebellious about it.

“Can you say the formula for area ratio? Can you say the dreams of your childhood? Who threw those dreams in a ditch? Hey, who was it? You know who it was! When are you going to grow up!? What is a grown-up anyway? Do you know who has the answers? Hey, what should I do? I don't care anymore!”

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Deuce: RAD DOGS

I picked this song for Deuce because of the lyrics, but also the beat and the meaning. The strong, powerful beat with the fast rap part really fit him don’t you think? The lyrics speaks of the struggle of going against the grain and choosing a life of freedom, although it comes with an effort and the ability to face everything life throws at us. We need to take a leap of faith and not settle for anything less than what we truly want, emphasizes the importance of taking a risk and restarting, not worrying about the reason or justifications for doing so, just like how Deuce acts in general with his goal and dream.

"My unseen devotion, sympathy that I don’t feel, and all the things that I can't have What kind of story? Whose story is it? If you don't have something, you'll start to want it, isn’t that right?" "Now, I’ve decided to restart for the first time Just saying “I want to be like you” is all you need, right? Not knowing the reason why, not needing the reason why I'm defying against fate’s rules" "Now, I’ve decided to restart and burst out Just saying “I want to see it” is all you need, right? Let that groovy sound beat, let me hear that heartbeat Since there’s no time to just stand still" "With the tailwind blowing Alright, we keep going forward without looking back"

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Trey: Ai no Material

Trey gives me a melancholic, casual and mature vibe, like an older brother who you can depend on anytime and he would give you his usual smile. That’s why I picked this song for him, although he always helps out everyone but I feel like he can be lonely sometimes, like perhaps he would need a helping hand or maybe some support. When I read the lyrics I think of him! I want to interpret it as Heartslabyul to Trey, who’s been always working hard for the dorm, and it’s the message that he might want to hear the most!

"(Jump into tomorrow!) It seems that the stars will fall down. (Always) You wear a sparkling smile. (With a smile) But even if it's hard, you hide the pain away, (Want to meet you) and without showing it, you just laughed." "I always want to smile, after all. It's not hard, so I'm going to try harder! I wonder if I've been embracing such a lie tightly, And kept walking all this time." "Fly up more, higher and higher. If it's you, you can do it with a smile. But it's okay even if it's just a little bit, It's okay to quietly depend on me too." "Words like "I'm alright" or saying "I'm okay", While showing your usual smile. I understand those lies you utter, And that's why I tug on your hand."

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Cater: Phony

I know it might sound like it doesn’t fit him but in my opinion, this song sums up Cater as a character. We haven’t seen much of him in actual depth, but I definitely think he has more than he just appears. This song talks about how a person can mask and deceive themselves in lies, they’re aware of it, but they have to put it up in order to meet societal expectations. A constructed image or persona - the “fake” that they created and now they struggle to reconcile with their true self, and I think he is like that as well. (Aniplex please more Cater content for us we're waiting-)

“There’s no flower in this world more beautiful than an artificial one That’s because everything is manufactured from lies Antipathy world” “The rain of despair pelts my umbrella and Dampens my bangs and the hidden side of my heart Oh, it’s all so troublesome” “Before I knew it, the words had already withered The fruit of the truth is ripening within me Painting lies upon the mirror’s reflection, a “makeup” of the loss of oneself” “Before I knew it, the mimicked cries joined the unpleasant chorus Their eyes, leery, are dissolving you I am missing from the mirror’s reflection. There is only a “fake” that everyone mistook for someone else”

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🦁 Savanaclaw 🦁

Leona: Meltdown

The song is about one wanting to disappear, wanting to kill their old self and erase everything as if it’s like falling asleep. Though I think this song can be interpreted as having depression - and from what we see going on with Leona, I feel like he does show signs of it, I wish they would dive deeper into his story in Book 2 though! Other than that, I feel like the lyrics in here suit him a lot, especially the “sleep” part in the lyrics.

“I'm like a lighter out of fluid My insides are on fire Sometimes I wish It was all a lie” “I want to jump into the core My memories would melt into brilliant whiteness and disappear If I could jump into the core I feel like I’d be able to sleep again like I used to” “If I jumped into the core I'd vanish, like I had gone to sleep A morning without me Would be perfect All the gears meshing together That's how the world would be”

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Jack: Night Sky Patrol of Tomorrow

I think this song fits Jack a lot, the vibe is definitely for him but also the lyrics as well. The headstrong vibe, full of uncertainty but also full of hope for tomorrow, despite feeling hopeless at times but what is important is never give up and head forward to the future. The song’s meaning is to convey resilience, independence, and the importance of cherishing the present moment even when you’re uncertain about some things. You could also take this as a JackMC song haha, It just fits him a lot imo!

“I'm a boy who picks out his enemies to fight, Depending on whatever suits my mood. No hopes for the future, I wanted to be drawn in a dream." "And yet I fear the future, Hating tomorrow, wishing towards the past. There's no longer anything I can do, so I shout, "Tomorrow, tomorrow, please, don't come!" "If you want it, then make it come true yourself." Eh... You said that..." "I think about what I want, To go see you again tomorrow night. But I don't know, maybe you won't be there, But even so, we will always be one." "So, see you later, Sky Arrow, let's smile on! I want to be together with you in the future, However short our time may be, so I'll shout out, "Remember this day someday in the future, whoever we are then..."

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Ruggie: Moonlight

This song fits Ruggie a lot in terms of lyrics, with numerous mentions of rags and junk and collecting them together to the longing of being your own self instead of being in someone else’s shadow and chasing after them. The singer compares themselves to a piece of junk or trash as they think of themselves lowly, just like Ruggie himself. The mention of moonlight here represents the singer’s ideal that they always chase after, like Ruggie’s life goal. Overall, the vibe of the song fit him a lot! (I recommend checking out the Vivid Bad Squad version too!)

“A collection of junk, Covered with a piece of rag, A replica in a hideous shape Words spun by someone else, Tones played by someone else, A fake made by a distorted collage of them” “Even being junks, even a piece of rag In the blood pumped from its heart There was only my own anger In the end, there must be nothing left Love, spun songs, and my name will one day fade away I wonder why? It's stuck in the back of my chest, A loneliness similar to the silence of a winter night” “Whether or not I'm a fake, Looking back now, there was only Those blurred memories” “The irony of being a waste, I'm trying to get out of the cliché, but "Another rehash of someone else’s work?" "Is even your identity a trick?" "Do you want love, even if you have to steal it?" “Even being junks, even a piece of rag After following the never ending dream I'll find my own light, all the way”

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🐚 Octavinelle 🐚

Azul: Delusion Tax

In my opinion, this is the most fitting song I could think of for Azul. As said in the lyrics, we all have desires of our own, and the person (or in this case Miku) in this song is a genie that can grant any wishes, but in the end everything come with a price, anyone who make a wish with her will have to sell a part of themselves. Sounds just like Azul and his contracts don’t you think? But you can also think this reflects Azul’s own desires once you know his backstory too! (and also, check out this amazing art by my bestie! Her art is amazing!!)

“Turning wishes into reality Right now, buy back your future! Afflicted by so badly wanting to do “that”, consumed by desire Come now, let’s go beyond all this pain” “Existing for your sake alone, mandatory affections and obligated kindness Though you should be satisfied, a voice from within shouts “NO!” We have an idiot on our hands, it seems…” “None of it will come true if you don't pay the price Look, just up and borrow the "desired amount" Reality is a bitter-sweet pill to swallow Come now, let’s go beyond all this pain” “That which you wish for, the person you think of, The past which you hate as well, they’ll all be as you like. The kind of face and chest you desire, they’ll be granted if you pay. “It’s a promise”

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Jade: SHANTI

I feel like the song is pretty self-explanatory, as you can see with the lyrics. It just fits Jade’s job and his approach to the “targets” and lure them into signing a contract with Azul, but it’s probably just more than the said goal… But you can never tell with that smile of his as his “kind” words accompany his looks. Until you realized you fell into the trap and become one of Azul’s underlings due to the contract (at least, until post-Book 3, but who knows)

“Hey, young man who’s hanging his head Did something bad happen? If you’re fine with me, do you wanna talk about it? I can help you What in the world happened? That sounds terrible, brother I'll give you this, so cheer up, ok You can pay me back next time” “So you came again tonight Was it to your liking? The fee is this much Huh? Huh? Huh? So you can’t pay Then it can’t be helped I’ve got the perfect job for you, so come and follow me”

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Floyd: Matryoshka

A chaotic, addictive rock song that is very fitting for Floyd. Why though? According to the wiki “Most of the lyrics are nonsensically vague or ridiculous, with a slight hint of pain or sadness, giving the overall song a crazy and psychotic feeling. Therefore, the lyrics have been interpreted in various ways.” Just like the moody guy himself, don’t you think?

“My headache is singing about a package The clock's hand is stuck at 4 o'clock No one would tell me why But the world has begun to rotate in reverse” “Ah, would you please dance even more? Kalinka? Malinka? Just play the strings" "What should I do with these kinds of emotions? Won't you please tell me? The signal reception is good, 5-2-4! Freud? Keloid? Just hit the keys Let's just laugh everything off Hurry up and dance, you group of fools!" "Together let's clap our childish hands To this intentionally deranged rhythm Surely, I couldn't care less about everything The world's temperature is beginning to melt”

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[allyheart707]

Hi there, I love your stuff, I hope you don't mind but I wanted to do an ask the artist

Where are you from?

What's your favorite color?

How long have you been creating art for?

What drives you to make art?

What is your favorite piece of artwork of yours?

What is your favorite fan artwork that was done for you?

What character of yours is your favorite?

If you could go to any fictional world which one would it be?

Do you consider what will please your audience or do you just do your own thing?

What made you want to start your AU?

Hi! Sorry it took so long to respond, but thank you so much for the questions!! :D

I live in a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere in the US :D

My favorite color for the longest time was light blue, but recently I have been liking celadon green a lot too. I go back and forth between those two a lot.

I have been drawing all my life, but the time where I think I actually got really into art was when I created my first OC in 6th grade. His name was Super Odd Taco and he was a taco that had super powers :3

Other artists- especially story tellers (in any media format). Stories in games, comics, books, or movies have ALWAYS inspired me. I am amazed by the way someone can write something that brings me to tears, or makes me giggle and scream in excitement. I hope that one day my art/stories can do the same. :3

I am pretty proud of this artwork and this animation off the top of my head. Though if I thought harder I may be able to find ones that I am prouder of-

*insert all fan art made for me* No, no but seriously, I could not answer that for you. Every piece has something so special about it that I love. Though, I will give a shout out to @brightonstudios , @purple-the-turtle, @potatoeofwisdom, @chaosborb, and @truths33k3r4 for the sheer amount of wonderful art they have made for me that I constantly find myself looking back at. You should check all of these guys out, they are wonderful artists and awesome people.

Hmmm. In LS my favorite would have to be Mikey, I love him. Though Heishi and Donnie are a close second. (so sorry Raph D:) as for my OC's? I honestly could not tell you. Ray is the oc I have had the longest so I cherish her a lot, but Kiki and Nefil have a story that I love the most. I really hope to write theirs one day :3

Hmmm probably a more peaceful one. Maybe like... Hello Kitty or something.

While I am making the art? not often. But usually as I start to finish it, I start to realize I will be posting it and suddenly my brain is like "BUT WAIT! Nobody will like THIS!" And then I start panicking because I can't restart because I just finished it- and ujadhjgas anyways, that's why I love and appreciate @truths33k3r4 for reading through LS before I post any of it XD

I saw a lot of comics where the turtles were separated and taken in by a villain or side character and I thought FOR SURE there would be an AU where they were taken in by scientist, but I didn't see any! (I have found some now- so, not quite as original as I thought, but still fun! :D)

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #61 – Those Across The River by Christopher Buehlman

Months and months ago, I asked for recommendations on books that actually tried to make werewolves horrifying instead of just some variety of urban fantasy or romance archetype. Those Across The River was one of the few real recommendations I got, and then spent most of the year languishing on my To-read shelf until I had entirely forgotten why it was there. It does very much fit the requirements asked of it, and in concept is really quite a juicy idea. Unfortunately, it’s rather let down b execution here – both in terms of prose and of content.

Frank Nichols is a historian – or was one, anyway. After an affair with a college's wife named Eudora becomes public and he responds by running away with her, his career prospects take something of a swan dive. And in the midst of the Great Depression, there are far more wannabe academics than there are jobs for them. So, after living for a time with his brother in Chicago, the two of them move down south to take up residence in the small southern town his mother fled as soon as she was able, where Dora might at least draw a salary as a school teacher. And, more importantly, where Frank can research his great-grandfather, a confederate planter killed by his own slaves in the last days of the Civil War whose ruined plantation lies somewhere nearby, to write the biography that will restart his career.

Times are tough there too, and soon after the pair of them move in there is a town meeting where it’s agreed to end the monthly tradition of driving a pair of hogs across the river to thank God for their good fortune. While God doesn’t seem to mind much one way or the other, the creatures living in the woods who had made feasts of those pigs certainly do, and on the next full moon raid the outskirts of the town to make their displeasure known. From there, things just about only get worse.

So as mentioned, this is the vanishingly rare sort of story made in the last couple of decades that take ssomething recognizable as werewolves and actually tries to play them straight as something awful, threatening, and horrifying. I think this mostly works – there’s only a scene or two I’d really call horrifying, but then with books that’s an incredibly high bar for me. It manages the tone and atmosphere of a proper horror story throughout, and never lets the werewolves stop being strange an dangerous.

A large part of this is, I’m sure, just the fact that no one in the story is even the tiniest bit genre-savvy or awae of what a ‘werewolf’ is, as a cultural figure. Beyond providing the isolation and lack of outside forces that might help, the period setting does an incredible amount of work in just making it plausible that no one in the story was aware of what kind of story they were in. This is actually probably the first straightforward monster horror story I’ve read or seen in a while that wasn’t in some way trying to comment or make cute references to the wider genre.

The period setting is, werewolves aside, easily the most engaging thing about the book. Less so for the particulars of the world than the character of Frank. The entire book is spent in his head, marinating in his internal monologue, and it’s a wonderfully strange and uncanny place – the story makes a liberal college professors from New England in the 1930s seem more genuinely alien (and often repulsive) than most genre fiction manages to make feudal aristocrats or cybernetic oligarchs.

The prose is interesting. Often good, but just as often reading like someone’s very self-conscious pastiche of mid-20th century ‘Great American Novel’ writing. Which I think is intentional, but does begin to wear on you – there’s only so many times you can read a guy say ‘how like a sphinx!’ when describing his fiancee before it grates. The exception here is Frank’s traumatic nightmares of his time fighting WW1 in France, which I reliably found quite evocative and striking.

The book’s politics are, well, bad, but in an absolutely fascinating sort of way. Better to say that the book is torn between the themes and politics it wants to have, and the mixture of genre requirements and I guess an author and editor who didn’t care much about subtext that leave it sending too drastically different messages. It’s probably one of the most interesting things about the book.

On the explicit, textual level, the book is very conscious of all the petty cruelty and flagrant brutality that went into maintaining the Jim Crow South, and views e.g. the way Frank calls it ‘the States War’ with jaundiced irony. There are passages talking explicitly about the injustice of sharecropping, and the vulgar racism of all the townspeople is presented as one more reason to view most of them with contempt. And of course the supernatural evil driving the whole story is the bloody legacy left behind by a confederate slaveowner who hunted and consumed human flesh wearing the skin of a beast, whose shadow looms large over the entire story. The book is generally very clear that ‘racism = bad’.

And yet-

This is also a story where functionally every black character is an inhuman, man-sexually predatory, man-eating beast in human skin (there is exactly one ‘good’ werewolf, he’s a yankee), where the indigent drifters walking through town begging for work really were sinister malefactors mapping things out to return with their friends latter, where the protagonist’s fiancee having dubiously consensual sex with a black man is very much presented as part of her own transformation into an insatiable, uncontrollable, literally babe-eating werewolf herself.

Horror has a reputation for being a reactionary genre by default, which this book feels like a decent argument towards. More, it was published in 2010, and I might owe that whole decade of pop-media critique being elevated to spectator sport that it’s genuinely hard to find stuff quite this unselfaware getting published these days.

A very fitting Halloween read I suppose, in the same way watching an ‘80s slasher is.

[itgirl-cad]

I kept seeing tiktoks about an AU where the characters are actors and what their blooper reel would look like… so I made a lil fic from the idea :) lmk if I should make this a mini series cuz I have so many ideas!!

Valentino was sitting on his couch, waiting for the scene to start. It had been 5 takes deep into the first few lines of his scene and he had to continuously restart. As soon as they had the greenlight, they started the scene. He sat up with rage.

“Fuckin’ finally!” He smashes the sugar glass cup he was holding right on the floor. He finally managed to hit it on the spike they put on the floor. “Kitty, another drink!” One camera followed the extra Valentino was interacting with, the other stayed focused on his close up.

“Can you believe what that piece of shit did?” He held out his hand without moving his head to look. The extra placed it in his hand but Val got a bit too into character and moved too quickly. The drink hit his hand and was tossed onto the ground below. “Hijo de perra!” Val swore as he picked the prop up and sighed.

Vox chuckled from the other side of the room “This scene is never gonna end.”

Take 6.

“Can you believe what that piece of shit did? The ungrateful whore!” He yelled and fake threw the glass. Vox had to laugh. He was trying to stifle it but it ended up bursting out of him. “I’m sorry but you look so stupid.”

Val rolled his eyes, “You try fake throwing something.”

It was take one of Lucifer and Alastor having their first scene together. They have had the most success with their lack of mistakes. Charlie was watching them, almost in awe when she heard her cue line and made her way towards her father as he turned to speak to her in an unimpressed tone.

“Who is this? Are you the bellhop?” He gestured his cane over to the taller man.

Alastor let out the most perfect fake and sarcastic laugh ever. He really did amazing with sarcastic roles. “No! I am the host of this hotel! You might have heard of me from my radio broadcast.” He leans on his cane, slightly bending down to his level, just even to make a point.

“Hmm. nope! I guess that’s why Charlie called it the HAZBIN hotel hahaha-”

“Ha ha ha…” His last ha dragged out for a bit then the radio effect was gone from his voice, “What the fuck’s my line?” He asked and started to chuckle.

Charlie let out a laugh as the crew told him his line.

“I do apologize, your performance was rather captivating.” Alastor adjusted his tie and his ears moved a bit. He was getting a bit frustrated working with Lucifer. Usually he makes no mistakes.

They ran the scene again.

Hmm. nope! I guess that’s why Charlie called it the HAZBIN hotel hahaha-”

His laughing got cut off by Alastors fake bullshit retort “Ha ha ha. It was actually my idea.” nHe looked at his nails like a sassy ‘mean girls’ like character.

Lucifer’s eyes got more bloodshot as his laugh got more insane and his dialogue speed up “Haha well it’s not very clever-”

Ha HA…” Alastor got down to lucifer’s level and up in his business “Fuck you”

Charlie got in between the two of them “Anyways.. Dad, look at this lovely parlor!” She dragged him away to carry on the scene.

Alastor appeared behind them as Charlie spoke his name. He never missed a cue. He made his way over to her, minding the spot on the floor that is spiked with red tape, for him. “Charlie has a very unique vision. I am happy to fulfill her bizarre requests.” He rests a hand on her shoulder.

“Oh, thank you, Alastor.” She smiles sweetly and places her hand on his. Lucifer was fuming. Alastor looked back over to his face and his shit eating grin got bigger.

“Quite an impressive young lady,” He placed a hand on her chin. Charlie decided to be a prankster and gave him a kissy face and puckered her lips. Alastor, not expecting such an action, drops his hand from her chin and the radio static picks up. Charlie roared out with laughter, Lucifer following suit.

“Al! Your fucking face!” She had tears in her eyes.

“You traumatized him!” Lucifer was having too much fun with this.

Alastor just looks right into the camera with a traumatized smile and pained eyes. The director yelled cut and Alastor’s smile immediately drops. He frowns and his radio effect is gone from his voice.

“Awh no he's frowning!” Charlie felt kinda bad, but it was a funny prank.

“It was worth it.” Lucifer gave her a high-five.

In the recording studio, Vox was recording his lines for “stayed gone” alongside Alastor. They both had their scripts in front of them and stood in front of microphones.

Vox started his lines “Top of the hour, and we're discussing a certain has-been Who has been spotted cavorting around town After a seven-year absence. Did anybody miss him? Did anybody notice? More on tonight's program So, the Radio Demon is- holy fuck I talk a lot..” He exclaimed, running out of breath.

Alastor chuckled, “I have been telling you that.”

“Oh literally go fuck yourself” He rolled his eyes and started from ‘top of the hour’ once again

They tried different callouts between the lines to see what would fit best. Most of it was improv because Vox couldn’t remember the actual script. He was too engaged with yelling at alastor and looking at the cocky son of a bitch in the booth beside him.

“Yes, I know it's been a while Since someone with style treated Hell to a broadcast Sinners, rejoice!”

“What a stupid voice!” Vox yelled. Vox just did a string of those, looping Alastor’s track so he did have to repetitively sing the same cue line. “Such an irritating voice!” “What a lousy voice!” He could’ve gone all day long if the sound director let him. All those shower conversations had prepared him.

“Instead of a clout-chasing mediocre video podcast” Alastor sang and let Vox have multiple retorts

“Come on.. No, that one is so boring. Lemme try again” Vox sighs and thinks of better retorts, “Oh piss off!” “Excuse me?” “up yours!”

“Is Vox insecure, pursuing allure? Flitting between this fad and that, is nothing working?”

“Ignore his chirping!”

To be honest, Vox could have written a disstrack.

[happistar]

Day 8, 9, & 10: Squip OC, Non-human, Error

Somehow this guy happens to fit all three of these. Not intentional but works haha

Figured I'd drop some backstory about this guy since I haven't really talked about them and I don't think I'll ever finish their story.

So, this is Deactivation Incomplete, or DI for short, a character I developed pretty early into Squip Inc's creation, then scrapped them, then brought them back, then kinda left them behind.

Basically my thought process was a squip that couldn't control its emotions thanks to a malfunctioned deactivation making them just that bit more human. In an attempt to fix that issue they downloaded a virus and broke some more, resulting in two more copies of them. Oh also they look like Connor DBH.

Deactivation-Incomplete (with a dash this time), which is a previous backup copy that got restored, was originally a scrapped sideblog before I made DI into a separate blog. I thinkkk I originally intended them to be called by their unit number (2261) but honestly I don't remember. But for simplicity's sake I'll go with that. 2261 was meant to be the most stable version but their first attempt crashed, resulting in Deactivation Incomplete (no dash). Anyways, post-virus, they would restart albeit with none of their copy's memory, not realizing they had crashed and missed a couple months.

Deactivation Incomplete (or DI), is the main copy, but still technically the second version. Switching between 2261's appearance and their own they were in search of how they couldn't remember their user or time before deactivating. Post-virus, they would learn but be in distress as the virus + unfixed errors left them to realize the harm they caused their user.

Reactivation Complete (or RC), would then be the last-- a restoration of themself before being deactivated, albeit not perfect (much to their frustration). I think I generally wanted 2261 to seek help and make another copy of themself after seeing how DI became a mess post-virus to fix all of their buggy coding. Which created RC, and ehhhh, kind of worked but didn't really fix all of their collective problems.

But! I never got around to any post-virus stuff. Unfortunate, but figured I'd share. I suppose these guys will simply bicker in my head instead of over tumblr ask blogs I guess haha

[zonerz]

Answers fic Update + Hi im not dead 💖!

Okay more semi-official post because I've been meaning to do this since July but life has been ping-ponging me all around!

Short-Answer (ha):

No, the fic isn't abandoned, I wouldn't dream of leaving it unfinished especially with the point I'm finally at! I have been stuck injured 😭👍

Long-Answer + Explanation:

They aren't playing about that a03 author's curse bro 😭😭😭 I intended to have 43 out by April at the latest, then that became May and eventually June because of my job. Then of course, that goal got pushed further out from personal circumstances that are just now getting sorted. But, most frustratingly and poignantly, I injured my wrist at the start of July. Good news is I have some therapy scheduled for it finally! Bad news is that it took THIS LONG to get into it, and in the meantime I can't physically write or draw for hardly a few minutes at a time and it's reached a point especially in the last month or so where even using a computer mouse or typing exacerbates it. If I had infinite time, that'd be less of a problem, but I've also restarted college so my time, effort, and focus has to be put there first and foremost in the meantime. It's frustrating to not be able to do the things I enjoy in the free time I have, but for now it is what it is.

The Plan + Ideal: I'm down but certainly not out! I'm going to be diligent to get myself back to normal and doing what I love! I have TONS of ideas for both fics and art I wanna do and am clawing at the bars of my cage to start LMAO

Ideally though, I would like to have something ready by the holidays. Maybe even a few chapters on a backlog or something. Regardless though, when that day comes I also have some other fics I was poking at and cleaning up prior to my injury worsening and I think it'd be fun to upload some stuff in bulk! :] I've neglected a few other works for the sake of Answers (pouring one out for WYLTD last updated September 2018 LMAO) and I think it'd be a fun way to do things and also move into the new year!

But I'm rambling at this point! If anyone's read this far TYSM I APPRECIATE IT! 🫶 it hurt my hands to write this much which, knowing my typical word count, says something 😭💔 But I feel good and capable! It's just a temporary set-back and I appreciate the consistent engagement and kind words over all the time I've spent working on this fic thus far! I hope that you don't mind the wait too awfully, but know that it WILL be finished--I'm far too passionate about this story and these characters to simply leave it hanging. I don't like to half-ass anything I do :]

Anyways funny conclusion uhhhh <3 !

[empty-dream]

Just played To The Moon Beach Episode

Just kidding it's been almost one month since I played and I'm NOT over it.

Chronologically taking place sometime after the end of Impostor Factory, specifically after the Bestest Dancers comic.

Happy note first, I LOVE the surfing minigame. I played with all 4 characters just so I could get all the winner banners lmao.

Also the conversations, when funny, are funny as fuck, classic Freedbird Games.

My favorites were the night pool scene and the basement scene. I LOST MY SHIT lmaooo.

The beach memories with messages from players is so cool and heartwarming. Is there any way I can put my message there too? I'd probably write an essay inside tho.

Kan (and I assume his wife and son?) makes an appearance is so cute.

On the other hand, it is indeed the most depressing beach episode.

Or rather, the first half was wacky as shit with just a sliver of hints, and then BOOM DEPRESSION.

The aforementioned night pool scene? When I picked "says nothing" I laughed my ass off. Then I restarted the game at that point and picked "show approval" thinking that it would lead to another hilarious exchange. It slapped me with realistic truth and sad what-ifs instead.

I knew it'd be sad like there are hints but DAMN I DIDN'T EXPECT FREEBIRD GAMES TO ACTUALLY GO DOWN THIS ROUTE I REALLY THOUGHT THEY WOULDN'T, I JUST DIDNT EXPECT IT WOULD COME LIKE RIGHT NOW 😭

Kan Gao made To the Moon when he was mulling over mortality since his grandpa had life-threatening illness, and since then it has always been about grief and questions revolving death and life.

And I personally feel like the Beach Episode is the peak of everything the series is about: Grief, regret, what-if, the parameter of "a great life."

After following the series for around a decade, it just hits so hard I still don't even know what to say.

SPOILER BELOW

ROSAWATTS CANON BUT AT WHAT COST

"I wanted to build you a garden." "You didn't give me enough time to prepare." WHAT THE FUCK BRO YOU CANT JUST DO THIS TO ME TT O TT

You know, when you think about it, what happened to Neil and Eva is exactly the opposite of Quincy and Lynri.

The only reason why Neil never confesses to Eva, despite loving her since teenager, was because he knew the pain of losing a loved one like how his father Quincy lost his mother Lynri, and Neil didn't want that to happen to Eva.

And it was all for nothing. Eva still ends up doing exactly what Neil fears, and WORSE.

Not only she suffers watching him die and losing him in the end, she keeps reliving all their days together. Since the very first game in fact. It's the only explanation why there was pain signal even in real life back in the first game and why the Minisode had Eva in her room.

It begs the question, would it have been better if he admitted his condition and feelings for Eva sooner? If instead of fearing what would happen in the end, Neil opened up earlier, like how Lynri did to Quincy? If Neil and Eva had more time, if Eva had more time to prepare, if they had more time to be together in the way that they've always wanted, if they had more time to make peace with the knowledge of what would come together, would it be any better?

I personally don't know the answer to that. At first glance, I thought the answer would be yes. But somewhere in my heart, I knew it'd still hurt anyway. It'd be just a different kind of pain. And I don't know if it's fundamentally right to compare those pains.

When they say grief is a difficult topic, they are not kidding.