#i had to look up english lyrics for that song... ; u ;

[velvetkisscs]

party 4 u, part of you knew

synopsis: you were an outcast, sunghoon was not. he was your neighbour, your childhood best friend, your first love. sunghoon didn't know that. on the last day of senior high, you decided to face your fears; go to the party and tell him how you feel. part of you knew that things might not end the way you want it to. still, you went.

"i shouldn't have gone to this party 4 u."

wc: 5.2k pairing: popular!sunghoon x fem!reader contains: angst (i tried), childhood best friends, secret crush, first love heartbreak, lack of communication, time apart, mentions of random characters, unexpected reunion, right person- wrong time, use of song lyrics, yn is kinda sad, etc. (let me know if i missed any) a/n: this story was heavily inspired by the "party 4 u" takes on tiktok. they've been flooding my fyp lately. these 2 tiktoks: [1] & [2] specifically. i strictly only listened to party 4 u - charlie xcx while making this.

this story is dedicated to my best babes, @sunoostripletriple <3 go give her a hug rn

i hope you enjoy reading this as much as i had fun writing it! i haven't written anything in a while, so idk if it gives what’s supposed to be gave? or however that saying goes. i do hope that it meets your expectations.

likes, comments & reblogs are appreciated <3

might contain grammatical errors as english is not my first language. not proofread.

you don’t belong here.

not in this dress and definitely not in this moment. but you do it anyway– sliding on the dress you picked– slowly, shakily. you’ve never been to a party before, nor were you ever invited. unsure whether the outfit you picked is too formal, you throw on your brother’s oversized jacket. the mirror reflects someone unfamiliar. perhaps a different version of yourself.

someone prettier. someone braver.

someone even sunghoon might look at. your room is littered with your own clothes, from your bed to the floor. you’ve been mulling over skipping the party for the nth time, uncertain whether this is the right choice. you can just wipe off your makeup, change into your (sunghoon’s) hoodie, crawl into the bed, and bury yourself under your sheets. pretend that the party doesn’t exist, that it’s just a normal night of you staying in.

but your hair is already lightly curled, you’ve done your makeup twice, and you finally convinced your mom to let you borrow one of her necklace after begging for what felt like an hour. you can’t really turn back now.

you hear a knock on the door. it’s your brother, heeseung.

“are you still coming?” he asks.

“i’m almost done.” you lied.

“i’ll wait for you outside.”

it’s too late. you really have to go. for the last time, you stand in front of your vanity mirror, rehearsing what to say to him.

“hey sunghoon. you look good tonight. i mean you always do.” you stutter over your words

“i’ve been wanting to tell you something. i like you. i always have. i think i might be in love with you.”

no. you thought that it’s too cheesy. it’s too much.

over the years, you’ve created different versions of this moment. what words to use, the tone of your voice, when the right time is, and even the outcome. you thought about how his eyes turn into crescent moons, the way his vampire-like fangs show up whenever he genuinely laughs, if he would tell you he feels the same, how you would feel when he pulls you in for a hug while apologizing for not realizing his feelings, and yours sooner. that maybe, you were always the one. 

he’s always been the only one.

but you know reality is never that kind. as soon as you meet his eyes, you fail to think of the proper words, let alone form a sentence that truly conveys your feelings. 

before you could even change your mind, your phone buzzes. heeseung is getting impatient waiting for you. so you leave.

it’s the last day of senior high. you two are going to different colleges. this is your only shot. tonight is your only chance. if things go south, if he ends up looking at you like a stranger– someone he hadn't spend his whole childhood and adolescent years with– you’ll have months, maybe even years of time and distance to forget.

you tell yourself that you’re not doing this for him, convinced that you’re doing this for yourself. that once you get the words out, once you let go of everything that’s been burning inside you, you’ll be free. 

but deep down, a part of you knew.

you’re going to this party for him, not for you.

the party is already in full swing when you arrived. the music is loud, the floor thumping as tangled bodies move in rhythm. not used to this kind of space, you stand still. you pretend to check an important notification from your phone, pretend to be waiting for someone. you’re stalling and you’re not sure what for. maybe for the annoying voice in your head to shut up and let you breathe. or to find the courage to walk up to sunghoon, finally telling him what you’ve been wanting to say.

this party felt foreign. people wear their confidence like perfume. compared to them, you’re a question mark left unanswered. your clothes felt too snug, shoes an inch too high, and your heart definitely too loud. you try to weave through the blur of entwined bodies, scanning the room for that one specific person.

then you see him.

sunghoon.

it didn’t take you long to find him. he’s leaning against the kitchen counter with a red cup in one hand, laughing at whatever jay and jake said. his v-neck shirt clung to his body, adorned with a sleek leather jacket. he drinks from the red cup, his side profile showing off his sharp jawline and his perfectly angled nose. 

his smile is genuine. familiar. unlike the room you’re both in. the smile you used to see everyday, back when he was still yours— well, not yours— but back when he was still closer. back when he’d throw small rocks to your window, asking if you’d want to go out for ice cream. back when you lost your grandpa and he invited you for a movie night in his room. blanket forts and popcorn, all set up by him. back when he used to call you “peach” because you once told him peaches were your favourite fruit, and that you always smell like one. he never forgot.

back when you were each other’s only friend.

back when you still mattered.

sunghoon is always the center of attention. it’s like a scene carved out of a coming of age film. he’s being bathed in the golden glow of overhead lights, the music slowing down. he’s the main character, and you’re just a mere extra passing through. he tilts his head back from laughter, and you see people form a semi-circle around him, orbiting him like planets to a sun. he’s the sun and you’re a rock. you can’t look away even if you tried.

you want to walk up to him. say what you’ve been wanting to say. 

anything. 

something. 

your hands tremble slightly at your sides. your fingers finding comfort at the hem of your dress, trying to anchor yourself.

as you take a step forward, she walks in.

eunji.

beautiful eunji with her perfect everything. her presence alone draws everyone’s attention. she makes a beeline to sunghoon like she’s done it over a thousand times. she knows she belongs by his side. you watch for sunghoon’s reaction, freezing for a second when he sees her. for a brief moment, something unreadable flashes in his eyes. is it nervousness? confusion? that the most popular girl in the school is walking towards him? 

from where you stand, you see eunji wrap her arms around his neck. then she goes for it, leaning in to kiss him.

and to your demise, he lets her.

your breath hitches. your chest tightens. you stand still, feet glued to the ground, unable to move or look away.

the noise of the party fades into the background, as if the person in charge of your life suddenly turned the volume of the whole world down. everything that was once so loud– the music, the chatter– is now barely a whisper. your legs won’t move, you feel stuck, like a statue that can see and feel everything.

in that moment, a hollow feeling blooms in your chest. you feel utterly alone in a room full of people. although surrounded with noise and laughter, you felt so small, so invisible.

your throat burns, a big lump forming. your eyes start to sting. you try so hard to do everything to ground yourself, you find your nails digging into your palm. you can’t cry now. not here and definitely not in front of everyone.

tragically for you– as if the universe is playing a joke– your eyes blur. mascara coated lashes getting damp with the tears you so badly want to hold back. and then–

“yn!” heeseung’s voice cuts through all the noise. and for once, you were thankful for your brother.

you hurriedly wipe your tears away, quickly turning towards heeseung. you put on a false front, smiling at him as if nothing is wrong.

on the opposite side of the room, sunghoon hears your name, his head snaps in your direction. he turns around, moving away from eunji, eyes scanning the crowd like he’s searching for something– someone.

you.

but you’re gone. you walked away.

the ride home is silent. you insisted that heeseung stays, that you feel lightheaded from the unfamiliar setting. that it’s best you go home. he buys it.

you look out to the window, watching the blurry headlights and streetlights pass like ghosts. the driver wondering why the party ended so early, so soon. you offer a smile, one that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. the driver understood and doesn’t say a word afterwards. you were thankful for that.

your phone buzzes. it was a message from him. 

from sunghoon.

[sunghoon 🤍 10:29] hey, did you attend the party? i thought i saw you but i wasn’t sure.

you stare at the message, then his contact name. but you don’t answer. what will you even tell him? that you were there? that you watched him kiss someone?

that you’ve been in love with him since he hugged you under that blanket fort?

you open the reply box, then close it. but you open it again, typing out a “yeah, i was there.” but you erase it and you try again. “i was gonna say hi..” you delete it. trying to even out your breathing. trying to make the lump in your throat go away, the ache in you heart shrink, disappear. to pretend that it doesn’t matter. that it doesn’t hurt.

but it does.

in the end, you don’t reply. rather, you think to yourself. answering his message in your mind.

“party on, you party on.”

deleting his message, then his contact.

slowly deleting memories of him.

you convince your parents to let you move out to the city. telling them that it’s the best course of action. that it will help you get familiar with your surroundings once college rolls in.

 you leave town a week after graduation.

no texts. no goodbyes.

sunghoon messages you a few more times that summer. random things; things you two used to talk about. harmless things like “did you hear about the new ice cream place that opened up?” or a “come join us at the old arcade!”

you don’t respond.

you read them all. every word, repeatedly. but you let them sit there like messages from an unknown number. a stranger. a part of you hoped he’d try harder. that he’d make the effort to find you. ask you what’s wrong and give you a hug that will heal the very scar he stabbed into your heart.

but he doesn’t. somehow that hurts more than the kiss did.

you stop making blanket forts. stop eating peaches, stop using peach scented body wash. you stop checking his social media. all of the photos you had with him– from elementary to senior high– deleted. except one. a photo taken the summer before senior year. it’s hidden behind a locked album. a picture taken by your own brother, heeseung. you and sunghoon sitting on a swing, backs facing against the screen, ice cream in one hand, the sky a mixed of orange and pink hues, your gaze towards him. 

back then you were already wishing for something.

college is your clean slate. a mix of dorm rooms, group projects, lectures, expensive coffee, and new faces. you keep to yourself, studying every chance you get. you make friends, but not real ones. you don’t curl your hair. you store that necklace away. you don’t go to parties.

you turn yourself into a version that is easier to protect, invisible by choice.

time passes. slowly– painfully at first– you healed.

on your second year of college you meet someone. his name is kaito. he’s good to you. he has the kind of laugh that makes you feel fuzzy inside, hands that always know how to interlace with yours. he doesn’t make your heart race. but maybe, that’s not a bad thing. because hearts that race can easily break. a steady heart endures.

everyday he tells you he loves you. it’s the first thing that leaves his mouth in the morning and the last thing he utters before the day ends. you smile and say it back. and for a good while, you believe it. 

when kaito proposes it’s soft, pure. simple. a walk on the beach after a fancy dinner. he gets on one knee holding out a small velvety box, a ring tucked inside. it’s dainty, it’s precious.

somehow you hesitate. just for a moment. except you don’t know why. 

then you say yes.

not because you were certain. but because you want to be.

your parents are thrilled, his family adored you. everything is perfect. even you start to believe it. that love doesn’t have to be filled with sparks. that it didn’t have to be extraordinary. 

for once, you believe that the hole in your heart is patched up. that sunghoon is just a distant memory you learn to live with.

but memories always have a way of returning.

it starts slow.

a scent, faint and familiar. the kind that smells like cold summer nights and someone’s sweater draped over your shoulders. you catch it on a stranger passing by the grocery aisles. your heart stutters, it knows. for a brief moment, you close your eyes. it’s not kaito. not the steady love you said yes to.

it’s someone else. sunghoon.

it’s been 7 years, you thought. he can’t be using the same cologne. but you know that scent anywhere. he wore it throughout junior and senior year after all. ever since heeseung got it for him for christmas.

you shake it off. it must be a coincidence. 

except it happens again.

you’re at your local café, the one you’ve been frequenting to for group projects and late night cramming. you’re sitting down in a corner table, your laptop open and half a pastry forgotten on your plate. the song plays faintly through the speakers– she needs him by her’s– an indie track that used to be on all of your playlists. the one sunghoon would tease you about before admitting he kind of liked the band too.

your hands hover above the keys. you stare out the window, watching people pass by. maybe the song will finish quicker if you don’t pay attention to it. but it stays. long enough to remind you of the memories. long enough for the lyrics to cling to your skin like his sweater once did.

and then, kaito.

your sweet fiancé. kaito comes home with a new bottle of body wash and other travelling necessities for his upcoming business trip. 

“i thought you’d like this one, babe.” he says, placing it onto the bathroom counter.

“it’s peach scented. you like fruity things, right?”

you do.

it’s the exact brand you used to have in your old childhood bathroom. the one sunghoon would always tease you about whenever he’s over to play with heeseung. saying “why do you smell like a juice box?”

you stopped buying it after the party.

but the world likes to play a joke on you. the same body wash sits innocently on your counter. like time is just a concept, that it’s not real. like years haven’t passed. everything you tried so hard to erase is coming back. uninvited.

then a letter addressed to you comes.

a small pink envelope in your mailbox. you almost miss it, wedged between bills and packages. inside is a wedding invitation. heeseung, your brother. he’s getting married.

the card is beautiful– soft lavender coloured, adorned with bold calligraphy, a picture of heeseung and his fiancé, information and the dress code. 

lee heeseung and im seo-ah invites you to celebrate their wedding saturday, june 19th, 5:00pm at serenity garden

you stare at it, contemplating. there’s no rsvp option. you have to go.

kaito can’t make it. he calls the night before, apologizing every chance he gets. apparently there’s an emergency in japan. something about the budget and the investors. he promises to make it up to you when he returns. you tell him it’s fine. that you can manage.

you arrive at the venue. you wear a simple, ankle length dress with layers, coloured in different shades of blue, and a small scarf that came along with it. the dress is shaped like a flower, quite fitting for the theme of the wedding. you look like a woman who’s moved on.

but inside, you’re still the same quiet girl, heart pacing.

the sky is bright and clear. a gentle breeze flutters through the air, carrying the faint scent of lilac and hydrangeas. the sun casts golden streaks over the flowers and the white line-covered chairs. 

everything feels like a scene from a movie– too perfect to be real. soft jazz plays in the background, fairy lights hang between tree branches. it’s romantic. beautiful in a way that makes your chest ache. 

because it reminds you of your younger self. 

the one who curled her hair in her childhood bedroom. the one that carefully brushed eyeshadow on her lids. the one who felt like she didn’t belong. you’re watching someone else’s life unfold– someone who belongs into this moment, this life, better than you do.

and then you see him.

standing tall by the entrance of the venue in a perfectly tailored tuxedo. his face breaks into the biggest grin when he spots you.

“yn!” he calls, kindly weaving through the guests to get to you.

your heart beats rapidly.

he sweeps you into a tight hug. a hug so warm, so real, so grounding. 

“can’t believe you, out of all people, are married. you look amazing!” you say, pulling back from your brother’s hug.

he shrugs. “you clean up okay yourself.”

then his wife appears– seo-ah. she exudes elegant grace, the kind of woman who makes you understand why your brother fell in love so hard.

seo-ah greets you with a sweet smile. then a hug. you can tell she’s extremely nervous. “i’ve heard so many things about you!”

“and i’ve heard so much about you!” you reply. “all good things, i swear.”

later, during the reception, your name is called for a speech.

your stomach flips. you weren’t prepared. you didn’t plan much. you didn’t think you’d be asked. but it only makes sense since you’re the sister of the groom. 

every eye in the room is on you. something that never happened before. your legs feel like they will give out the second you make your way to the small stage. but you do it anyway. you hold the mic with both hands.

“hi.” you begin, your voice shaking. “i’m heeseung’s younger sister. surprising right?” a few chuckles ripple through the crowd.

“i basically spent most of my life watching him be the loudest person in every room. the first person to finish a whole box of ramen in a week, and definitely the worse person to share a bathroom with.”

more laughter breaks the tension. you exhale and continue.

“but i can assure you that he’s the most loyal person i’ve ever known. and i’m not saying that because he’s my brother. i remember when my first pet hamster died, he stayed up with me all night. he even bought me the candies i liked with the very little allowance he had. when i failed my physics exam, he made sure to tutor me until i understood the gravity of the situation.”

you catch heeseung looking a little flustered and you smiled at him.

“when he met seo-ah, he changed. not in a bad way, but in a real way. he became someone who listened more, someone who laughed a little softer, but loved harder. louder. and it’s all because of you, seo-ah. you truly bring out the best in him. i will never trade you for anyone else, you’re my sister now. thank you for taking him off my back. and good luck dealing with that.” another wave of laughter erruupts.

you pause.

“here’s to new beginnings. to love. the kind that grows with you. and the kind that feels like coming home.”

applause and glasses clinking fills the room. you feel like you might float away from sheer relief. that attention is no longer directed at you, but to the newlyweds. you don’t notice the eyes that were once watching you. 

but what you didn’t see is how a pair of eyes never looked away. a pair of eyes that never left your frame ever since you stepped up to speak.

his fingers curl loosely around a champagne glass. his chest rising, then falling. as if he just learned how to breathe. except you don’t see it. the way his expression softens with every word that leaves your mouth. a sense of pride in his gaze whenever you made the crowd laugh. a smile threatening to tug at his lips. you don’t see any of it.

not yet.

descending down the steps, you finally start to breathe evenly. that’s when it happens–

your eyes meet.

everything stops.

the music, the laughter. the chatter, the clinking of glass. everything goes silent.

it feels like you’re seventeen again. standing in a crowded room, but somehow alone. every memory you once buried, bursts to the surface. seven years of silence. of forgetting, pretending. all coming out.

he’s wearing a charcoal grey suit that fits like it was made for him. he looks older, more refined. he’s no longer the boy you used to love, but a man. however, his eyes stayed the same. soft yet unwavering. 

your eyes start to sting, a lump forming in your throat. you want to run. you want to leave. you have to. you need to.

but he’s faster. “wait–yn–”

his hand gently wraps around your wrist. it’s not forceful, but enough to stop you from leaving. enough to say please.

you stop, not turning around. you can’t.

“i didn’t think you’d come,” he says behind you, voice soft, yet unsure. the way that makes your throat tighten. “i was hoping you did. but i didn’t know.”

then he sees it. the dainty ring around your finger. but he doesn’t say anything. instead, he lets go and asks “how have you been?”

you don’t answer right away. closing your eyes, trying to stabilize your breathing. you turn around, forcing yourself to look at him with a smile. it’s way harder than you thought it would be.

“i’ve been good.” you look down at your hand. “i’m engaged.” showing him the ring kaito gave you.

he swallows, hard. “congratulations! are you happy?” now he’s the one forcing a smile.

“i am. it’s easy, it’s stable.”

“i missed you, you know.” he says quietly, voice cracking. “for years, i didn’t know how to reach you. i texted you, but i assumed you didn’t want to be bothered.”

you don’t answer him. and as if he understood, he nods.

there’s so much silence. it’s heavy, full of everything you never said. eventually, you say goodbye to him. then you go over to heeseung and seo-ah, giving them the gift and telling them that the wedding was beautiful. you hug them and promised to invite them for lunch. you walk out, the same way you did 7 years ago.

but that night, you find yourself in your childhood bedroom, back where everything started. your phone buzzes. it’s an unknown number. but part of you know who it is.

[unknown 11:10 pm] i got your number from heeseung. can we meet up by the lake tomorrow. just to talk and catch up. there’s something need to tell you.

the lake hadn’t changed.

maybe the tress were taller. the path was overgrown, used. the rope of the swing had frayed from the years and weather. but the lake itself– the still, glassy surface reflecting the colors of the sky– look exactly the same. the same as the last time you were here. unmoving, serene, quietly watching as if it had been waiting for you all long. 

your heart is stuttering in your chest, and there he is.

sunghoon sitting on the swing, hands in his hoodie pocket, just the way he used to be. his silhouette is outlined by the pink and orange hue of the sunsent. and for a second, it’s like time never passed. like you’re still seventeen, hiding away from the rest of the world, with him. talking about your dreams, too big and too small to name.

he turns around when he hears you, tension in his jaw, his shoulders– but his eyes remain the same. soft. the kind reserved only in your memories. only for you.

“you came,” he says, voice quiet.

you nod, words unable to come out. the lump in your throat is already forming, threatening to knock the air out of your lungs. you didn’t think coming back here would be this hard. or maybe you did. you just hope you were stronger now.

he gestures towards the swing. “sit with me?”

for a second, you hesitate. but you walk closer, the grass moving beneath your feet. your fingers graze the rope, then the wood plank of the swing. you remember the summers you spent here, pushing each other back and forth as high as you can. laughter echoing between the trees. it was your place with him. a secret you both kept from the rest of the world. a place where everything felt a bit easier.

sunghoon sits on the other end of the swing. for a few minutes, the only thing you hear are the sound of the cicadas, the wind, and the distant ripple of the water. the quiet feels loud. your heart that was once steady is racing. you wonder if the man beside you can hear it. and then he speaks–

“i didn’t know you left a week after graduation,” he says. voice shaky just enough to reveal his nervousness.

your head turns toward him. slow and hesitant. but you don’t say anything. you’ve always been the quiet one between the two of you.

“i mean… i found out eventually, as soon as college started. but not before that. not when it mattered, when i could’ve done something.”

you look down at your hands. the same hands that once held pieces of him. notes he’d pass to you in class, fries you used to fight over. the same ones that used to hold his own whenever you feel scared to walk back home. especially after getting scolded by your parents. the same hands that held your small secret. the hands that held your feelings for him. 

“i asked heeseung where you were,” he continues. “but he wouldn’t tell me. he said you didn’t feel like going out. i should’ve realized sooner that you didn’t want to be found. by me.”

it was true. you begged heeseung not to say anything. told him that it was better that way. that it was easier than explaining that his own best friend– your own best friend– broke your heart. 

sunghoon chuckles, but it’s bitter, empty. “i didn’t understand. i kept texting you. i kept hoping that maybe, you’ll show up with a smile on your face. telling me that you were sick and was bedridden for days. when i found out that you went to the graduation party, i thought i knew how to get you out of your room. so i threw so many parties. i told myself that it was for fun, for the guys, to blow off steam after exams. but it wasn’t.”

your vision starts to blur. that god awful lump in your throat is back. he looks at you, eyes shining in the low light. honest, unflinching.

“i threw those parties for you.”

the words hit you with the force of a tidal wave. you can’t breathe. your chest caves around the weight of your heavy heart. you finally heard the truth you never knew you needed. the idea that he had missed you too. that he looked for you in ways only he knew how. in places filled with noise.

you cover your mouth with your hand, trying to steady your breathing. your sobs, yourself. but it’s too late. the tears come fast. they’re hot, heavy, unstoppable. the dam you spent 7 years building, crumbles without mercy.

“i’m sorry,” you mumble. words cracking like glass. “i’m so sorry, hoon.” and that was enough for him.

he moves. arms wrapping around you, pulling you off the swing and into his arms. he holds you like you’re fragile glass, like he knows how long you’ve been holding everything in. he always does. and that healed you. the scar you once had in your heart, fading away.  he’s been waiting to hold you for years. 7 whole years. 

you cry. until tears won’t come out anymore. 

you cry for the years you lost. for something that could have been. you cry for the girl you used to be– the one who was so in love, yet so afraid. the girl who was so sure that she will never be enough. you cry because the love you had for him never died. just buried beneath time and distance. you cry because you hate that he’s here, when it’s too late.

sunghoon doesn’t say anything. he doesn’t stop you from crying. instead, he wraps his arms around you, lets you bury your face into his shoulders. he lets you soak his hoodie with your tears. it feels like forgiveness.

his voice comes out low, almost trembling. “i looked for you in every girl i met. i tried to move on. i really did. but no one can replace you. no one knew how to make the world quiet down with one single glance.”

you want to say something. tell him that you loved him first. that you never stopped loving him. but the words refuse to come out. the ache in your heart is too big, the wound too raw. so you stay quiet.

and he understands, he always does.

for the first time in 7 years of being apart, silence feels like healing.

you stay like that, head resting on his shoulder, gazing into the horizon. until the stars begin to peek through the sky. neither of you move. neither of you dares to let go.

because maybe, just maybe, this isn’t the end. but a new beginning.

likes, comments & reblogs are appreciated <3

a/n: i wont lie, i cried while writing some of the parts. especially when that part of the song coincidentally aligns with the “sad” bits. that’s why it took me a bit to finish it. an empath lives a hard life… also because i was out for work and a date for with my bf <3

do not fret! there will be a second part to this <3 see u soon!

tags: @sunoostripletriple @yoizhrs @sievenderz @bookmarkstanley

line divider by: @strangergraphics

[bnnysweets]

SHE’S MY COLLAR

♡ ྀི au masterlist

basket player!abby x influencer!reader at coachella

author’s note: english is not my first language. this is a old ideia i had, i’m not trying to copy anyone! inspired by @cameronsbabydoll & @valeisaslut <33

warnings: use of y/n (IM SORRY OKAY ☹️) but it’s only one time. reader is called sweetheart and babe. slutshaming. abby defending reader. fluff.

you received a invite from a brand to attend to coachella for free, they would pay the flight, hotel, transport and your ticket, so you obviously agreed to. you spent weeks searching the perfect outfits and hairstyles, you were making a mini vlog too! showing how everything would go, you were so excited that abby kept calling you a puppy.

when you two arrived you had to talk to the brand’s representatives and do a ad but after that you were free to enjoy the show. abby was quickly spotted by paparazzis and fans, she took some photos and you went to the vip area.

during the beabadoobe concert you and abby were all loving birds, hugging, kissing and dancing softly. a fan recorded you two looking at each other while singing “glue song”, it blew up on tiktok. people made edits of the moment, a heavy contrast from the way everybody reacted when your relationship was discovered.

but the moment that went viral was while megan thee stallion show, abby was by your side, arm heavy on your waist. you were singing “bigger in texas” lyrics without even thinking, and abby was looking at you, with hungry eyes. you didn’t noticed, in fact you only saw this after your best friend sent you a edit you abby looking at you with “hungry eyes” by eric carmen playing at back. this moment brought up some comments:

“they’re so jock and popular girl coded”

“the way my girl is LOST INTO HER EYES omg what u did to her y/n”

“i’m gonna tell my kids 4th of july is because of them”

the day after, you woke up with 13k new followers and with 30 texts from your best friend. you opened twitter and a video of you and abby kissing at the drinks stand line had 7 million views, you froze and called abby, who was out buying breakfast. “a video of us making out blew up.” you said quickly, “hello to you too sweetheart.” she said like your whole world weren’t falling apart. “ABBY! this is serious! everyone saw you grabbing my ass.” and she left a loud giggle, “this isn’t funny abby!” you said almost screaming, “babe is not that deep.” you let a loud scoff, “yeah, maybe for you. you ain’t the one being called bop.” you said frustrated, “just when I was finally being taken seriously, this happens. honestly i don’t know what to do.” you completed and for a minute all you heard on the other side of the line was the background noise, “fuck what others think of you. and if a brand wanna cancel anything with you because of a fucking teen gossip maybe they’re the immature ones. i understand how sponsorship is important but you don’t need it. you’re charismatic and have a loyal audience, it’s enough.” abby said with a angry undertone, not towards you but at the situation. you thanked her, “always sweetheart.” she said and ended the call.

later, abby tweeted “every gossip page owner it’s just a failed journalist, you guys need to grow the fuck up. you’re really 45 and posting bout my girlfriend’s skirt? omg go get a real fucking job.” it blew up, and one of the big pages deleted all the tweets talking about you, scary girlfriend privilege i guess ;).

dividers by @pommecita

[secriden]

Watching Joong's Hurt Me Please MV with the context of how episode 6 ended and how this is likely a song about Fadel's thoughts and feelings about Style after Finding Out, I wanted to take a deeper look at the lyrics.

I have transcribed the English lyrics on Youtube side by side with a fan translated version (credit: bl_zonee on Twitter) just because there's different shades of meaning between them that I find really interesting and I'm curious which one is the more accurate translation or if both are valid, but just give different nuance. (Perhaps a mutual who understands Thai would be willing to give some insight? *u*)

Verse 1 makes a lot of sense to me: Fadel must be wondering how Style could be so cruel ("unkind" / "heartless") because every instance of Style being honest and asking for honesty in return, all of Style's genuine desperation to bare his heart to Fadel in episode 5 and 6, now looks like a calculated, cruel deception.

And after being so afraid to reveal his secret to Style for fear that it would make Style walk away from him, there's a painful irony in Fadel now wishing Style had walked away before. Because the betrayal hurts so much more now that Fadel has given in to his heart.

The chorus is where the nuance between the translations gets interesting.

The Youtube version seems almost like Fadel is taunting Style, putting up a front that he can take the pain Style is dishing out and more. It's like he's hiding behind the bravado of being able to handle the hurt, and even more.

The MV also depicts Style smiling sadistically after slapping Fadel, as if he's enjoying the pain he's inflicting. Meanwhile, Fadel looks up almost in adoration, a strange softness in his eyes at odds with how cruelly he's being treated. The knowledge of Style's betrayal has turned Style into a monster in Fadel's mind, one which he cannot help but to still have soft, affectionate feelings.

But the fan translation sounds much more hurt and accusatory. Fadel is expressing his pain and anguish much more plainly and "you did this to me" is a line that demands responsibility.

In both translations, though, the last line ("can't get enough" / "enjoying the pain") gives us a hint that Fadel isn't willing to give Style up even now. Despite the pain, despite feeling as if he's simultaneously burning up and drowning, there's a part of him that still wants this. That still wants Style.

Interestingly, as Fadel sings the last line he begins to visibly struggle against the rope tying him to the chair. The soft look vanishes and in place is a determination and shadow that spells trouble for Style. The shock is wearing off and Fadel is starting to fight back.

Verse 2 is where the agony really hits, for me.

In both versions, Fadel recognises the way Style's love was (maybe still is?) precious to him ("your love feeds my soul" / "your love nourished my heart"). But because Style's love is a lie, it's transformed into a weapon ("poison"). It twists Style's love into a source of "hurt" to Fadel.

Which is why I think both versions have a line where Fadel admits that there's a part of him that wants Style to keep hurting him -- or rather, to keep loving him; because these are the same thing to Fadel now -- ("hurt me, make me feel used" / "the more I was hurt the more I enjoyed it") whilst also remaining accusatory ("the more I loved, the more sorrow/I suffered").

The lines about "nothing left to write about our love" / "our story" also feel very pointed and final. A closing of a chapter; a closing of the possibility of their former, uncomplicated happily ever after. Style has nothing left to write (report) back to his superiors (the police) because Fadel's love is already complete and his deception has reached the inevitable conclusion of Fadel being found out/destroyed.

All this happens while we see Style continuing to threaten Fadel with a golf club and an almost crazed expression of glee juxtaposed with flashes of Fadel and Style in much happier times.

Also the fact that this line comes with this scene where Fadel lets Style kiss him despite “knowing” it’s all a lie *sobs uncontrollably*:

The first chorus comes back once and the music reaches a plateau. We are clearly preparing for a drop or a modulation and we get exactly that (twice!) with the second chorus:

Here, both versions converge: Fadel is angry, he's furious. Style hurt him and he's going to repay all of it and more ("you'll hurt [by much more]" / "you must suffer more than I did"). The lyrics tell us that, while Fadel cannot take back the hurt (take back his love), he can certainly ensure he isn't alone in the suffering (this love will also hurt Style).

It is at this part where my heart sank as I realised that Fadel's "I think I love you" line in episode 6 now takes on a much more sinister tone.

Because I think that discovering Style's betrayal was also what made Fadel realise the truth of his love for Style; the very agony he was in was the sign that Fadel's heart was lost to him. But even as it is true, I also think he still made the choice to ruin Style in the same breath. Because if Style could use Fadel’s love as a weapon then Fadel is going to use it (Fadel’s love) to hurt Style too.

A decision was made in this moment, and everything Fadel does afterwards in this scene is deliberate.

There is, however, one piece of hope:

Despite Fadel's expressed fury, what the MV shows us is Fadel breaking out of his bonds, shoving Style back and punching him once and then:

For all his anger, for all his rage, for all his threats of manifold vengeance, what we see is Fadel pressing close and kissing Style; once on the lips, and once on his chest (heart), all while the lyrics makes space for one last plea:

("don't betray me")

For me, its the way the line is shown together with this direct visual parallel between the ignorant Fadel in the past (left) and the Fadel of the present who has seen through Style's deception (right) that I find particularly compelling. Even now, even at the point of Fadel discovering Style's betrayal, there is still hope for forgiveness.

Because Fadel cannot help himself. Because Style made Fadel's bleeding heart whole again; and it beats, it feels, and despite how much it hurts, what Fadel still wants more than anything else in the world -- desperately and simply -- is Style.

[sglossmin]

Muse | MYG pt. 5

Plot: What happens when the man you practically simp over in high school, is right now, sitting across you after almost 10 years of not seeing him? Worse? You’re here for an appointment for therapy and he’s your psychologist.

Pairing: SeniorStudent!Yoongi x JuniorStudent!Reader —> Psychologist! Yoongi x Artist!Reader

Genre: Fluff, slight age gap, slice of life, a bit of angst, schoolmates to lovers(?) SWITCH POV

Warnings: matured theme!! explicit content

Word count: it's many i think

A/N: YOOO I just got 77 followers!! Ikyk>< Anyways, sorry for late update-_- Got busy working ugh and also I was pretty much depresso coz Hobi was literally in our country but I wasn't able to gooo T_T T_T T_T and I got sick, I had to take some time off Hope u guys enjoy heh English isn't my first language so pardon me if there's any wrong grammar:/

Comment your @ if u wanna be added to the taglist^^

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 read here^^

I giggled as I looked down at him.

He looks like a whole damn meal—manspreading while he rested his back on the couch. Letting out some soft pants, he looked at me with his sharp cat-like eyes.

I'm the one who's standing yet I feel like he's looking down on me. The weird thing is, it's not the one where he looks at me as if I'm some lowly mudblood. Looking down and I mean—he wants my submission and I fully want to give it. But it could be just my clouded mind thinking all of those. Still, I can't help.

I felt too hot.

Too hot to my liking.

I shouldn't have worn laced panties, it felt more drenched the longer I looked at him. My mind imagining too much stuffs on what we could do.

Sugar, honey, sexy baby, the song slowly seduced me on things I know I shouldn't do nor even think.

While my friends out there playing loud songs that could still be heard in this room, we could be...

We could be doing what?

When we touch, it turns to gold, those lyrics made my gaze drift to his hands.

I let out a soft chuckle.

It was the hands who wiped my tears the last time. The same hands that I want to be touched by.

What would it feel if it caress my whole body? Give light touches, bruises, make my skin red... I wonder if his fingers were to be inside me...will I feel full? Stretched? Begging for more?

The tension is too thick. The clock ticking on my table is the only thing that reminds us that someone has to make the move.

Either forward or backward.

I wanna kiss him so bad.

My thoughts weren't helping at all. The alcohol made all of my self-respect leave. Wanting to be under him—to be in complete submission.

But the pride in me won't let it show.

A part of me wants to see him begging—yearning—in complete under my mercy too. See the side of him where he's reckless, demanding, and disobedient. I want to see his raw, unfiltered, primal emotions. To make a point that he's just like me, that he can also feel these unwanted unexpected feelings.

To see him lose his self-control.

Slowly, I took a step forward. Taking his hands as I kept my gaze at him.

I held his hands in mine for a while. Testing the water before making an explosion.

If he doesn't pull away now, there's no way I'm gonna stop.

A second.

A minute.

A moment.

Still, he didn't pull away. He was just looking at me.

His hands are cold. Is he frightened? Nervous? Disgusted?

But the poison that flowing in my nerves couldn't care less.

"Oh no... Should I warm up your hands?" a sly mischievous smirk slowly creeps my face.

In my most deliberate and slow torturous pace, I used his hands to palm my breasts. I arched my back as I let out soft moans while I'm using his hands for my own pleasure.

I sat on his lap—keeping an intimate space between him.

Yoongi groaned at the sight of me. A big wasted mess. He watched me for a while, a subtle smirk placed on his lips. Until he voluntarily moved his hands. Caressing and touching me all through out—the thin cloth is the only thing that keeps us.

I bit my lip, my peaks hardening as he caress my breasts.

"P-put it in..." I managed to mutter after all of my moans and whimpers.

"Like this?" Yoongi's voice were so deep and raspy.

He swiftly pulled down the upper part of the nightgown, revealing my hardened peaks and rounded breasts.

I let out a shaky breath. I couldn't believe I'm making out with thee Min Yoongi.

Is this still considered just making out if he's already sucking and lapping my breast?

"Sh-shit.." I moaned when he softly nibbled my nipple. My hands grasped Yoongi's shoulder for support.

My head's going to fucking nirvana as he lapped me up. His kisses went to my collarbone up to my neck.

All my messed up head was thinking that he might've done this with a bunch of women already. His skills using his pretty mouth is unmatched—doesn't matter if it's for talking during therapy or for this.

Whenever I'm with him, my problems are either gets solved or forgotten. He's my new drug that I would fill in my veins until I'm either fully healed... or fully fucked up.

Yoongi is intoxicating.

From the way he looks, the way he moves, the way he talks—the way he would always make me feel something.

A spark?

An electric wave that gives a subtle shock whenever we touch?

Maybe it wasn't just those. Maybe what we felt were deeper and not just surface level. Maybe this wasn't just my body and mind speaking—but my heart.

My heart that I never knew how to value.

My heart that I always set aside.

My heart that screams in my brain but I'm too strong-headed and never listened.

My heart that tells me to put myself first.

My heart that says that it's tired and cracked.

Cracked. Not completely broken as I thought it would be. After all I've went through, it made me wonder, how did my heart managed?

There was some missing part of me—yes—but I don't feel any less.

A big part of me is thankful for the people around me who tries to fill it—Jungkook, my friends, Jimin, and the other people who supports me even though they're mainly there for my art. Still, it made me want to keep going.

But it wasn't enough.

I knew that.

My heart is still missing a big piece.

Will Yoongi be the one who is brave enough to pick up a sharp fragment part of me that is missing?

His kisses went sloppily to my neck. I moaned as I gently gripped his hair. My hands sliding through his soft dark hair.

"Hm... you tastes so good..." He murmured, lazily putting wet kisses on my neck. His raspy voice vibrates through me making me shiver a little.

Yoongi's hand went down and clasped my ass while the other was still cupping my breast.

I groaned at the feeling of him getting hard under me. Still grasping his hair, I grind on his crotch—earning a curse under his breath.

He panted as he leaned back. Pulling away his touch on me.

A wave of nervousness strike me.

I started blabbing on what could've I done wrong. "Did I do something wrong? S-sorry... Were you uncomfortable by it? I just thought--"

Yoongi cut me off by placing his index finger on my lips. He let out a soft chuckle as he saw me panicked for a second.

He leaned in closer to my ears. My eyes closed as I stopped myself from breathing.

It was like the scenario from earlier but different.

Because sure—heck—I'm the one who's getting flustered after hearing what he whispered.

"Ride me, Y/n."

His voice—oh so soft, deep, and raspy. The way my name roll off in his tongue is so smooth. Like he was born just to say it.

Like he was born for me.

Before I could even reply, my train of thoughts were disrupted by a loud ring.

I slowly opened my eyes and the sunshine were slightly hitting my face. My vision were still adjusting as I looked where am I.

I'm at my room? Aren't we were just... Fuck.. Was it all just a dream?

I groaned and threw my pillow over somewhere who knows.

"Jeon Y/n... UGHHH What were you thinking??" I whisper-shouted—facepalming myself whenever I think about the dream. I then turned off the alarm that woke me up.

My face heating up at the thought of me having a lewd dream with Yoongi.

"So, if we only did those things in the dream... then was it everything that I did when I went to the studio? When did I passed out? Who took me here?" I mumbled, trying to trace back to everything that happened last night. "Ughhh Why can't I remember a thing??!" I groaned and started pulling my hair.

"What did you do in the studio, huh? Had a wet dream, sly girl?"

I heard Chae teased making me swiftly look down at them. My eyes widened. Both of them looks like they've been awake for a while.

"H-how long have you guys been awake?" A small tint of pink slowly crept up in my face.

"Ever since we heard you mumbling Neko's name." Sana wasn't looking at me as she kept her face on her phone, but I could still see her smirking over it.

I shook my head since I know where this nonsense is heading to. So I changed the subject instead, "How did I get in here?"

"Honestly, we don't know. We were pretty drunk and fucked up that night too, we just saw you lying on your bed already." Chae shrugged as she looked at me confused.

I took my phone and searched for Yoongi's number.

There it was, the message he sent last night and another message that he sent hours after it.

12:05 "Hey, sorry to disturb but it's already midnight and I have to go."

01:37 "Don't worry, your friends didn't see me when I left."

01:38 "Thanks for letting me work in your studio and make sure to drink a hangover soup^^"

His messages were pretty much normal to me, especially since he's still my doctor-slash-neighbor, it was a normal friendly message..?

Still, something feels off.

"So I did met him..." I mumbled, still focused on my phone. Slowly, I tried to process everything on it but nothing comes.

My friends and I decided to grab a quick breakfast at Mr Juanito's diner. We dressed up in our comfy clothes, we took a walk to get there.

It is a spanish diner not so far from the neighborhood. A great place to go after jogging for quite some time.

The bell rings as we went inside the diner, making our presence noticed by the owner.

Chaeyoung and Sana already went to find our seats.

"Ah, hija. The usual?" Ms Rosa beamed me a smile as she greeted me.

I nodded, "but make it three."

My head is still pounding from hangover, that's all I could managed to say.

Then she started yelling her husband's name to call his attention.

"Ay, Dios mìo, Rosa. (Oh my God, Rosa)" the man groaned in spanish.

After knowing them for a while, I also learned a few phrases from them.

"You don't always need to shout. I was just finishing the customer's orders." Mr Juan explained to his wife.

"Finishing the orders or finishing your chitchats, huh?" She clicked her tongue as she eyed her husband. She then turned her attention back to me—smiling, she gestured to take our seats. "Go and find a seat first and we'll deliver your orders, hija."

I smiled, but then my phone dings.

New messages from Chaeyoung

"Why bother sending messages, we're literally together..." I murmured. I didn't check her messages and put my phone on silence as I went further to find where they were seating.

It's about 10 something the last time I checked in my phone. The diner is packed with customers, making me think if they found available seats. Regardless of having tons of customers, the staffs and owners doesn't seem to be bothered by it. They make it look so easy to manage a diner.

One of the staff—Ari—approached me. She's younger than me and works here for part time. I'm really fond of her bubbly character that why I always give her tips.

"Oh- eonni! You were with the other two girls, right? Is it okay if you guys will sit with another customer? The diner is packed— we don't have another table available and he only sits alone and your friends doesn't seem to mind it either." Ari smiled apologetically at me.

"Uh..sure. Where are they seated anyways?"

Ari pointed me their seats and I went towards it. Once I saw the two, I waved at them to be notice. But they seem too focused on their phones.

I stopped my tracks right in front of them, noticing the guy eating his meal while my friends were too busy typing on their phones.

He noticed me and gave a smile. "Oh...hey..!"

Oh shit... Min Yoongi...

"He..hey..! Sup.."

We both smiled and chuckled awkwardly. My friends then looked up at me, analyzing my reaction.

"Don't worry, I'm about to go. I'm done with my food already." Yoongi drank his water and about to stand up.

His food weren't even half touched.

"N-no.. We can just leave-"

Rosa cut me off by placing our orders down, "Or just eat together. You both don't mind that, don't you?" She wiggled her brows as she made me sit down beside him while the traitors sat with each other in front of us.

"Yeah... I don't think we have a problem with that, right Y/n?" Sana chimed in.

I forgot that they didn't know what happened last night. Not that I remember either.

It just feels weird after having a wet dream with him and seeing him now...

For once, act normal, Y/n

"Of course! No probs!"

Yoongi agreed too. He's still acting normal so far, so I don't think that something awful happened last night.

Before we eat, I introduced them to each other. It's kinda absurd knowing how the girls know a lot about him. I just know they're suppressing their laughs and giggles at the sight of us—sitting beside each other.

"Uhm, hey, excuse us for a sec, we'll just have a quick bathroom break." Chaeyoung winked at me as she dragged Sana to the comfort room.

I took a spoonful of my food, still bothered by the things I couldn't even remember.

"So, have you drank any remedies for your hangover?" Yoongi broke off the silence first.

I shook my head.

"Figures," he muttered and took something from his bag.

What's with the reply... Do I still look fucked up? I even freshened up a bit before I go here...

My trail of thoughts were cut off when he handed me a bottle for my hangover.

I took it and thanked him. "Do you always have this in your bag?"

Yoongi just chuckled and took a spoonful of his food.

Now that my friends went to the bathroom, this is my chance to ask him about last night. I have a lot of doubts going in my mind but my curiosity is still winning against it.

"Uh... about last night...what happened? When did I black out? How did I end up in my room?" I started bombarding him with questions that was racing in my head ever since I opened my eyes. "Is there... anything crazy that I did?"

Yoongi turned his head toward me, tilting a bit with his confused eyes. "Well, that would depend on what's your definition of crazy.." His earlier confused reaction, now placed with a more teasing look.

(MYG POV)

"Ah shit..." I groaned as I tried to reload my wifi over and over again.

After a few times of trying, I called the service provider and it said that it would take a day or two to fix my internet.

This can't be happening...

I stared at the my laptop screen that has the files that need to be finished. Without wifi connection, I wouldn't be able to finish any of my work.

I sighed in defeat then my eyes landed on my window. Y/n's house is lit up, meaning she's there. I tried several times to shake off the idea of walking in there and ask her if I could connect to her internet, yet my workaholic persona still won.

Still in my casual clothes, I knocked on her door. It took at least a few seconds before she opened it.

My eyes widened at the sight of her. She's leaning on the door frame as she held a wine in her hand.

Why is she dressed like that? Not that there's a problem with it or anything... Does she open her door like this to anyone?

I quickly looked away, feeling my cheeks burns.

"You're here." She uttered and took a sip of her wine.

She's waiting for me..? While dressed like that?

Then I subtly looked at her face, her reaction answered my thoughts.

She's expecting someone... Not me.

"I-uh..." I gulped, trying to calm myself. "My wifi won't work so I was.. uh- I just have to send a file and it's urgent so I uh..." I'm too old to stutter like this over a beautiful woman, yet I still did. Sometimes, I wonder if there is something wrong with me.

People tend to say, 'You're a psychologist, just read your notes'. How I wish it's that easy.

"Sure. I don't think they'll be here for a while. You just have to send it, right?" Y/n casually replied to me—small grin playing on her lips.

I nodded and she let me in. She let me sat on the couch and I started working.

Even as I'm focused on my screen, I could feel her gaze on me.

Earlier, I tried my best not to look at her, but of course, I managed to take a quick glance—she was practically showing off. How can't I?

Never mind that it's kinda revealing, the night gown suits her. The way it falls on the ground, the cloth hugs her curves, the color matches her skin.

It's like designed just for her.

I also noticed how her usual straight hair are turned into wavy. She looks good with her makeup too.

She looks so different from the Y/n I always knew.

The weirdo but oddly cute is gone, replaced by a playful and dangerous looks.

Not even a minute after, we heard a car came.

"FBI open up!"

They giggled while Y/n and I just stared at each other with full horror painted on our face.

Why is FBI in her front door?

Y/n took my hand and dragged me to the studio. "Sorry, but they can't see you."

Forget what I thought earlier. She's still the same. Just... hotter. Damn it. What am I thinking?

When we got inside, I was surprised by the tons of artworks laying and hanging all over the place.

"You can do the rest of your work here since you have no wifi, right? Feel at home."

After smiling apologetically, she rushed outside.

I placed my laptop down at the coffee table and looked around for a while. Still in awe how she managed to make all of this.

While looking at her artworks, I heard loud laughs from the outside and some of their words. Seems like it was just her friends.

My tracks stopped at her working table. There was an opened journal that has a drawing of a cat.

"Cute." I muttered and flipped the pages.

I was amused—seeing that the other drawings... are myself.

There was a date and some notes written on every drawing.

June 13, 2010– Ever since we saw him that day, I kept seeing him. Tbh, he's cute

–ㅅ–

It was a drawing of me surrounded by the unknown crowd.

June 24, 2010– LOL Just found a new way to see him, thanks to Hani

–ㅅ–

Then it was a drawing of me, sitting in the classroom.

I flipped through the other pages and the drawings were nice and so does her silly notes.

There was even a drawing of me, shooting the ball. It was dated during our sports week in 2011.

March 9, 2011– Neko and I watched Jungkook's performance. His side view is reaallyyyyy cool. He's so pretty>< And the way he smiled at me??? My poor hearteu

–ㅅ–

It was a sketch of me in her point of view. Lips smiling softly while watching the performance in front.

I just turned eighteen that day. I was alone and about to spend the day by myself then I stumbled onto her.

She probably didn't even know that it was my birthday, yet, I felt genuine happy that day because of her.

After her brother's event, we went to a diner that serves jajangmyeon and bingsu to treat her brother. I kept refusing to be treated too but she's stubborn as ever.

I noticed how all her signature in her drawings is –ㅅ– .

So it wasn't a coincidence?

Years ago, I was just sleeping in the library then when I woke up, I found a paper that has a sketch of me. It felt creepy since I was the only one in the library when I woke up. That's why I just stuck it in one of the books in the library and left it there.

I remembered it has the same signature.

The drawing she gave me back then has a cat too "Y/n–ㅅ–" I thought it was just a coincidence that it almost has the same signature. The only difference is that she has her name on the one that she gave me.

After looking at the other sketches, I closed the journal and went to work.

It wasn't much things that I have to do. It just happened to be urgent.

Hours have been passed yet Y/n still didn't come back. I was getting sleepy too and have an early work tomorrow.

She gave me no other choice but to message her.

"Y/n didn't forget me...did she?" I muttered to myself as I typed.

Still hoping that I didn't become a burden to her, I sent the message.

"Hey, sorry to disturb but it's already midnight and I have to go."

I decided to watch some videos while waiting for her. Minutes have passed, the door flew open.

"You sure are a cat." Y/n chuckled.

I turned my head towards her and let out a sigh of relief after seeing she have enough cloth to cover her body.

"Can I..." I stood up and tried to find my words.

"Go home now?" She grinned and walked closer to me.

I nodded. "I have to go cause-"

She cut me off by pushing me down to the couch. I was caught off guard by her actions but the strong smell of alcohol says it all.

She's drunk.

Y/n took my glasses and wore it. Still confused with her actions, I let her do it.

"If I'm being slutty then what are you? Wearing this glasses and white shirt? Ugh, you're insufferable."

I raised a brow after hearing her words. Half annoyed and half amused.

People tend to speak their mind freely when they're drunk. That's why I decided to see where this is heading to for a while.

Y/n leaned down, trapping me between her arms, she whispered, "I'm not a kid anymore, am I?" Her voice dripping with seduction, she stared at me in the eye.

She then started tracing my cheeks down to my jaw. For a second, her touch made me shiver. I gulped at the feeling of her subtle touches.

I was taken aback by her words and action, I almost forgot what's happening. Closing my eyes, I tried to maintain my calm composure.

"You're drunk."

With my eyes closed, I felt her lean closer. So close I could feel her hot breath fanning to my lips.

"Am I starting to have an effect on you, Min Yoongi?" Y/n chuckled and lingered our closeness for a moment before pulling back.

When I felt the absence of her physical touch, I opened my eyes. She was seating at the floor—smiling like an idiot.

"Jokey jokey" Y/n started poking my knee while she's laughing. "Yah! Doctor Min Yoongi! loosen up yourself a bit. You were completely frozen right there. I was just kidding," she giggled once again.

Still confused on what's happening, she stood up and sat beside me on the couch.

"What's your size?" She playfully poked my arm as she asked.

Is she asking me about... my shirt size?

"Large-" I wasn't able to finish my answer when she cut me off again.

And after hearing what she said next, thank God, she didn't hear me.

"We were playing truth or dare earlier and the girls were like "5-6 is fine" but for me, as long as they're attached to a great person, I''ll suck it."

I didn't know whether I should feel weird about this or be amused. She didn't even wait for me to answer before she asked again.

"Do you believe in soulmates?"

She rested her head on the back cushion of the couch as she looked at me. Her doe eyes shines brighter than any star I've seen, cheek has a bright pink tint due to alcohol and her soft lips...

I cleared my throat before answering. "Not really. I think relationships are built in effort and not just because it was predestined."

She frowned and her lips turned into a pout. "Yeah but... Still, the chances of meeting and everything are always slim but never zero. Simply because maybe their destined."

I chucked at her response. She looks like a sulky child asking things about the universe.

"Do you believe in soulmates then?" I turned the question to her.

"Not really..."

My eyebrow raised at her reply, "then why did you said those stuffs?"

"I just like to oppose you," Y/n chuckled and rested her head on my shoulder.

She sniffed, I felt her tears dampened my shirt.

"I wish my soulmate will come soon. I'm too tired..."

That's what the last thing she said before she fell asleep.

We just sat there for a moment till I gathered all my strength and carried her to her room.

It's a good thing that her friends were too drunk to notice me.

It was my first time going to her room but I was surprised to see a lot of things in there. A large flat TV, mini fridge, a vanity mirror, a shelf full of books and other stuffs. Her room is big big. It was so different from her casual and homey vibes outside. Even with having lots of great stuffs, she surely didn't bother to look for a big bed.

I gently placed her on the bed and covered her with the blanket.

"I'll just... message her when I get home." I muttered to myself and went out.

"Oh come on, just say it. Did I said or did something awful?" I was being too impatient for his answer, although I know, hours later I'll remember it too. But still, if I ever did something weird or anything, I can apologize right now...or even bribe him.

Yoongi shook his head and gave his cute gummy smile, "Nothing crazy. You just fell asleep and I felt too bad so I carried you to your room."

His smile is already enough to wipe any doubts I have and his calm and soothing words even added to it.

I still felt bad about him carrying me so I told him I'll pay him back, in which he refused.

The girls came back from the restroom and we started eating. It was quiet but not the uncomfortable quiet. More like because we have nothing to speak about. I'm pretty much surprised when my friends didn't even bother to ask anything about Yoongi.

He wasn't even finished eating before he had to excuse himself. "Sorry, I have to go. I have a patient to meet." He smiled and bid a good bye again.

Chaeyoung frowned, "You didn't told us that he's a doctor..."

"I uh.. just forgot." I took a spoonful of my food but I still felt their gaze at me.

They probably don't think it's just that, but decided not to push it.

Not for now at least.

part 6 read here^^

A/N: I tried so hard to think like a guy without making him look like a perv... Still sorry for late upload T^T

Kind of a reference..? Yeah, I drew that-_-

Taglist: @choijay-07 @sanarin @yooforeaa @this-most-assuredly-counts @minniejim @amarawayne @peacenpigeons @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @rottingbedpost

[k-zuzulibrary]

홍중 k.HJ

kim hongjoong 𖹭 fem idol!reader

DESTINY.

synopsis: idol!reader is very open about her love for ateez kim hongjoong, scandal breaks, they end up together. (feat. bang chan of skz being wise.)

content: eventual smut mdni, cringe/crack, angst if u squint, strangers2friends2lovers, reader uses she/her pronouns, slow burn?, this is shit, choppy storyline lots of time skips and anticlimactic, fluffy?, lots of use of the pet name 'baby', cuddling, big sexy hongjoong, swearing, not proofread, lowercase intended. explicit warnings: in the studio couch, handjob, p in v, no prep, vanilla, unprotected, creampie, sub/dom undertones?, virgin/inexperienced reader

guide: italics in dialogues are used when they speak in korean. chat fonted dialogues are comments and exchanged texts. long blocks of dialogues are used during lives because they're not really doing anything apart from speaking!

zuzu's note: main masterlist. the girl in the picture is just a reference/icon to get the overall vibe of the "idol aesthetic." also, because it's difficult to make things neutral, i created your group and fandom's name, and also put in a groupmate's name in as placeholders because it's difficult to write without mentioning them lol.

you spent two years honing your skills as a trainee at a modest, struggling company before rising to fame as the leader of your own group, DESTINY. your impressive duality on stage, seamlessly transitioning from intense, commanding dance moves and mature raps to the charming, feminine aegyo concept, quickly won over fans. your first award was hard-earned for your sultry debut song titled "Sit." (in which you would subtly imply that you want to sit on someone's face).

you, in particular, gained a significant international following because of your hilarious bedroom lives where you would often deliver sassy comebacks to fans, showcase your impressive english language skills, and share random chatter that fans couldn't help but love. Initially, you became known for your goofy on-screen personality. however, as your talents and stage presence shone through, it was no surprise that people fell for you.

DESTINY has cemented their status as THE 5th generation girl group, making waves in the music industry. numerous renowned idols you adored in the past (one of which, was Kim Hongjoong) have taken notice of your group's bold lyrics and praised your distinctive style and captivating concept.

one day, you decide to hop onto instagram to go live and have a casual chat with your dedicated fans, also known as fates, during a brief pause from rehearsing the dance routine for your upcoming comeback album titled "idgaf." despite having beads of sweat clinging to your forehead and being slightly winded from the dance, you maintain a casual conversation with your viewers;

"so, a few days ago i was on my phone and i was watching these uh, these compilations of other idols talking about me—" you pause to catch your breath and slightly chuckle at how ridiculous you sound. "someone made one of those cute videos on youtube." you repeat in korean. "my favorite part was when they showed ateez reaction to me casually rapping that one part in WORK during one of my lives..." you took a deep inhale and looked away as you thought about it some more. "hongjoong-sunbaenim was sooo, aaaagh! he was— i mean, okay, so, don't like, make a big deal out of this, but i had a hugeeee crush on him for so long, so long, like, before i debuted, i swear, his charizzma is unmatched!!! aaaaaGH, he COMPLIMENTED MY RAPPING IN THE VIDEO! and then i began to wonder if, like, was my rapping even good? damn, i could've done better if i knew hongjoong-sunbaenim would watch it. he was also, actually my inspiration as a leader and a producer..."

you continued chattering on, unaware that your manager would soon reprimand you for discussing that particular topic, citing potential negative consequences. however, it wasn't a major issue, since your fans actually valued your candidness. sure, there were a few hateful remarks scattered among the positive comments, but many responded positively, with remarks such as:

"help she's so real 😭"

"waaah, wishing i was hongjoon rn"

"she can't have hongjoong! he is dating atiny" — "she is atiny tho?" someone replied.

"totally ship them" and it was all enough to make your day.

it's not too long before you come across a reel on instagram that many fans tagged you in; hongjoong reacting to a clip of you simping over him on your livestream. your heartbeat picked up its pace and you sat up properly, raising the volume on your phone as you mentally prepared yourself for the video.

"yahh, i already saw this." he says and you pause the video. fuck. you play it again. "honestly, i thought it was a bit cute." you blush and kick your feet until he speaks again. "it's rare to see junior idols showcasing their admiration for their seniors, but it's really nice, i really like it... especially when they admire me," he shows a heart to the camera. "y/n, if you're watching this, please continue to show your love and support to ateez!"

you were a little disappointed because he seemed to spin it off that you were just a supportive junior/atiny, but you decided to brush it off.

weeks pass and the topic dies down until a photo of you and hongjoong chatting while he signed your album at their fansign event was spreading around the internet and rumors began — you didn't think it would be hidden since it was a public event, but you also didn't think that it would be a scandal. it's your first time being able to chat with hongjoong at all and the dating rumors are just ridiculous. your manager gives you the go signal and you decide to address the rumors by going live in your iconic bed, the lights are dim and you're bare faced, wearing glasses —

"helllooo..." you adjusted the camera at the foot of the bed and you laid on your stomach in front of it. "yesterday... i met kim hongjoong-sunbaenim of ateez..." you paused as you thought about what to say next — you didn't want a script, you wanted to stay yourself: authentic and genuine.

"and today, i was very disappointed because many fates say that we are dating and expressed their hatred for the idea... i would like to point out that i only admire him now as my senior and inspiration for being an idol! i would like to address that, honestly, the dating rumors are a bit ridiculous just because i said i had a crush. it was my first time meeting hongjoong-sunbaenim," your tone was a bit defensive and pouty, you paused as you fiddled with your earring and stared at the camera, snivveling.

"it was my very first time meeting him, it was awkward. more awkward than if he was with a regular fan, maybe because i am an idol and i expressed my admiration for him very publicly, but he was very kind and considerate about it. he really expressed his appreciation for me as his junior and atiny and that was the extent of our interaction. i hope you guys don't spread rumors like this again even if it's true, it would be private business and you shouldn't gossip about someone's love life like this. if you guys like it so much, i suggest you guys focus on your own." you make a light joke of the situation, slightly hoping you don't get hate for that as well. soon after that live, you posted a selfie you took with hongjoong at the fansign event with the caption "forever atiny! 🫶" and you decided to stop and stray away from the whole hongjoong topic because you didn't want to cause him any more trouble.

luckily, after that, many fates decided to come forward and be more open as they showed a lot of support for you and hongjoong.

"this is ridiculous! she shouldn't have to address those dumb rumors, please respect them! they are idols, your baseless rumors could ruin their career."

"i feel so bad for her and hongjoong. i love their innocent chemistry and i believe they should interact more often! male and female idols should be able to interact without being "accused" of dating. like she said, even if they are, it is none of our business! so sad that she'll probably have avoid him after this. so disappointed in whoever made the rumors."

months later, your group and ateez both were in Chicago, USA for your comeback world tour at the same time and while you were there, you decided to attend their concert and you screamed at the top of your lungs and went along every fan chant like a pro, you were far away from the stage so there were no hopes of being noticed — since it was convenient, your managers decided that your group and ateez should collaborate on dances of your comeback title songs, and naturally, you and hongjoong were paired together by your managers in hopes of using this dance as a warning for fans not to mess with the two of you. much to your convenience, the title track of your comeback album is "idgaf."

"hongjoong-sunbaenim!" you slightly jogged over to him and the staff and group members and bowed as deep as you could, your manager and fellow DESTINY members following close by.

"there's no need for that," hongjoong waves you off as you came back up and you chuckle slightly as you awkwardly look around the silent room — you often gossiped with your members about how you'd 'let hongjoong do things to you' among other questionable remarks, and right now you silently hope they wouldn't say a word about it. "i already learned the dance earlier, it's really good! i heard you choreographed it? " hongjoong attempts at small talk and you nod politely in response, holding your hands together, noticing the ateez members behind him glancing at you guys, whispering, and chuckling.

"yes, it took me a month to perfect the choreography before i taught my members." you explain, but before hongjoong could continue, one of the staff unknowingly interrupts your chat.

"okayyy, let's get started! in your positions, please."

you guys complete the dance on the second take, and once it was posted, the fans absolutely adore your chemistry (just as you did) they fawn over the idea of you and hongjoong together (just as you did).

after the posting of the dance, you have a casual live featuring your group mate, nina, who also spoke english. the theme; "doing face masks in my bed and eating ramen." during that very live, you receive a notification while your friend talks to the viewers. you picked you your phone to check what it was, your heart almost literally stopped.

kim hongjoong...

was...

following you back on instagram.

your eyes almost popped out of your head and you let out a really long high pitched screech.

"what? " nina looks at you, befuddled but laughing at your odd reaction. after a few seconds you still don't respond to her as you kick your feet. "ya, what is it? " she attempts once again and lean over your shoulder to check your phone but you slam it down on the bed. you slowly turn to her, trying and failing to contain your smile as you whisper so the audience couldn't hear.

"hongjoong-sunbaenim is following me on instagram..."

her eyes widen and she smiles. "are you sure?" she asked in a high pitched voice and you nodded frantically, showing her your phone. her smile widens and the two of you couldn't hold it in anymore — you both begin squealing and grabbing each others hands live and the fate's comments kept coming in.

"what are you two talking abouttt???"

"i didn't hear what she said!"

fans would soon understand what you were screeching about and this time, instead of dating rumors, it was "feeling" rumors. fans would gossip and speculate about how you two obviously had feelings for each other, other speculations include your "random chemistry" with hongjoong to be a marketing strategy — to always put you two together to gather more attention, likes, and fan reactions.

what they don't know is that they are correct on both accounts; because you and hongjoong so obviously had feelings each other the staff would always put you together.

the tipping point.

hongjoong posted a picture on his story of a ticket purchase to your world tour comeback concert.

the concert is coming to an end.

DESTINY is singing the encore, which is also your last chance; ever since hongjoong posted that on his story you made a plan. but you told everyone that it was in the heat of the moment when you did it. that's what you told yourself — the adrenaline, your sore muscles, your vocal cords beginning to strain, the screams of fate, the sound of your heartbeat, the thought of hongjoong. your lines in the song were coming close — before the beat drops, you skip toward the center and you raise your hand, microphone close to your mouth, you screamed.

"HONGJOONG-SUNBAENIM!" you scream out, your voice echoing through the arena. "this one's for you!" the fate fans erupt into a frenzy of deafening screams and cheers. the stunned expressions of the DESTINY members are captured on the iphone cameras held by fans. "FATE! let me hear you FUCKING SCREAM YOUR HEARTS OUT!" you shout, launching into the chorus of the song. as the beat drops and the intensity kicks in, everything around you becomes a hazy blur, and for a moment, your mind goes blissfully blank.

as the concert reaches its finale, the members of DESTINY retreat backstage to catch their breath and decompress. you immediately seek refuge in the nearest chair, plopping down and exhaling a loud, tired sigh.

"ya, y/n, what were you thinking?" nina sits on the chair next to you. "we don't know what could happen now."

that was the worst possible feeling to have as an idol. the anxiety of what comes next.

...it reminded you of the time mingi swore to jongho on a live.

"it's not that big of a deal," you say as you chug and finish an entire bottle of water. "it's to feed fate's hunger..."

"yaaah, how you think hongjoong-sunbaenim would react? " she ponders and you shrug, choosing not to think about it. despite your nonchalant demeanor, you completely regret it. 'how would everyone react?' sure, you constantly openly express your admiration for him everywhere else, but onstage was something else, 'what happened to professionalism?' you sigh and put your hand on your forehead. you're going to get in a lot of trouble with your manager now.

that nonsense yet iconic line would get you the title of the "most ballsy k-pop leader of the 5th generation " which is also the headline of the hit article that would later accuse you of being "too forward" with your "poor attempt" at bringing modern media and standards to korean culture and k-pop. back then, your line at the concert would not be acceptable, but now there are so many of your fans — your fates defending you, supporting you, and fighting all of the haters and closed fates who openly express their distaste and negativity for your unprofessional behaviour. you still believe that you deserve at least half of it.

it's no surprise that hongjoong doesn't share or post any public reaction to your iconic line of 2024, unlike you, an immature newer idol, he has been in the entertainment industry longer and is an expert on how to maintain professionalism, especially when it comes to dating scandals. agh, he probably lost his respect for you after that moment.

another few weeks pass. to your surprise, even after your unprofessional behaviour, DESTINY was invited to an award show, and during one of the performances, nature called, so you got up to head to the bathroom. in one of the hallways, the smallest of small chances and the most cliche of cliches happened. you and hongjoong stood in front of each other at the hallway that led to the bathrooms, you bow deeply and greet him softly, a bit embarrased you hunch in shame. "hello..."

"y/n-ah! " he's surprisingly relaxed, he raises a hand forward and you awkwardly double check it before high fiving him and he puts it back in his pocket. "how are you? i've actually been a bit of a fate myself these past few weeks and that thing you said at the concert wasss, wow."

'okay, so he addressed the elephant in the room just like that. was it even the elephant for him? it seemed like a koala, or... a chipmunk or something.' goes through your mind. you awkwardly chuckle and push your hair away from your face. "yeah... i'm sorry if it made you uncomfortable, i've regretted it ever since—"

"no! you don't have to be. it was cool. really cool. i liked it." he says. his cute, reassuring smile remains and you can't help but smile back.

"really?" you ask, you don't how pathetic you sound asking it but hongjoong liked how it came out of your mouth — your personality now is so soft-spoken and different from the "ballsy 5th gen leader" the internet made you out to be, he adored the duality. "i was actually super nervous, i was afraid you would think i ruined the face of my group or something and unfollow me on instagram..." you ramble nervously.

"ya, i would never! " he said and took his phone out. "i am a certified fate from here on out, you and are- are the fate-inies." he handed you his phone. "i was actually wondering if we can exchange contacts?" you look at him, shocked painted across your face.

"really???" you ask and don't hesitate to grab his phone. "of course!" you try your best not to sound too eager but of course, you fail. hongjoong laughs at your innocent reaction and you return his phone. he smiles, satisfied, and lifts it up and shaking the screen in front of you.

"i'll text you," he says casually. "will you reply?" you nod, trying to contain your smile because you don't wanna scare him away.

"of course! why else would i give you my number?" he makes way for you in the small hallway and mumbles a farewell as he waves his hand and he begins to walk away, you turn and watch him until he's out of sight before you run to the bathroom, slam the door behind you and scream your lungs out in the mirror. you totally lost the urge to pee and you return to your groupmates immediately after, already gossiping about what went down. later that night, DESTINY wins an award, you celebrate, and head back to your dorm, wash up and fall on your bed where you would receive a text from hongjoong.

hongjoong: "yo! congratulations on your win! i was very happy when DESTINY was announced and saw you onstage ㅋㅋㅋㅋ."

you bite your nail, thinking of your response.

you: "hi! tysm! congratulations on your award as well. it's expected of ateez-sunbaenim, i already see it coming ㅋㅋㅋ"

hongjoong: "ah, don't be like that. it's hard to live up to expectations"

you chuckle at his response. his typing style was different than you expected. you got ready to type out another response until he messaged again.

hongjoong: "btw, when r u available? we should celebrate our win together. as leaders."

your heart skips a beat... or two. is he asking you out?

you: "how about tomorrow night?"

hongjoong: "oh, no can do. ateez celebration party tomorrow with a few close friends."

you sigh and you're about to put your phone down for the night when you reel another vibration.

hongjoong: "unless u wanna come? ur more than welcome"

you: "idk, it might not be the best choice. will there be other female idols there?"

hongjoong: "uhh, ur being kinda dubious. do you want there to be female idols?"

you: "yes pls"

hongjoong: "then there will be female idols there. why? are you going to choose them over me?"

you: "ㅋㅋㅋㅋ only if the entirety of blackpink are there."

hongjoong: "it might seem crazy what i'm 'bout to say..."

hongjoong: "sorry but lisa was all we could book 4 the night"

you: "U FR?!"

hongjoong: "no"

hongjoong: "ateez is not made of gold. lisa-sunbaenim is also busy with more important matters"

hongjoong: "ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ"

hongjoong: "...are you still coming?"

hongjoong: "..."

hongjoong: "y/n?"

you: "yes! it sounds great"

hongjoong: "great. i'll send u the details, see u there ;)"

...is that a fucking winky face? you swear this man is the bane of your existence.

you go to the party alone — and surprisingly, it isn't the small gathering you expected, there were so many recognizable faces, not just of idols, but actors. the venue is a large vip lounge of an underground club in the city. the interior was obnoxious and practically made of gold —you look around and see choi san leaning on a wall, alone. he's a familiar face that you're comfortable talking with. you make eye contact across the room and you walk your way toward him confidently. "hello, sunbaenim!! congratulations on your win~" you give him a soft smile and he smiles back, taking a sip from the glass in his hand — is that brandy? you watch as he silently puts the cup down on the table next to him without so much as a thanks to your greeting, he puts his hands on each of your cheeks, and you wonder if his drunk until you're flustered as he forcibly turns your head 90° to the right.

"hyung is over there."

you easily recognize your hongjoong.

he is chatting with who you recognize to be bang chan of stray kids but your eyes just lock in on him — everyone else around is suddenly blurred and he's the only one you see. you focus on the way his lips move as he speaks, the way he softly nods — this is him when he thinks you're not watching and it's so damn hot, him being himself. the mere fact that he breathes is hot. damn, you're so in love. san chuckles at how you already forgot he was next to you, he conks you in the head and walks away.

you walk toward hongjoong and excuse yourself to their conversation. "y/n!" he says enthusiastically and places a hand around your shoulders. "bang chan, i'm sure your familiar," hongjoong says casually and he makes eye contact with someone in the room — getting distracted, he walks away. of course, it's his group's celebratoon party, you weren't the only guest he would tend to. you awkwardly look up at bang chan and wave.

"hi, sunbaenim! i really love maniac and superbowl, amazing songs!" you give him two thumbs ups and he giggles bashedly, almost blushing — you knew bangchan to alwayd be a flustered mess, he never knew how to react to compliments. "also, i subscribed to your bubble once, wowwww." you tried to make small talk and he laughed once more.

"yeahhh, i can get pretty crazy there. you know, i would also watch your lives sometimes, you're funny!" he says, and you smile.

"you really think so? aaah, i know i have a lot of cringe moments, especially when i first revealed my crush on hongjoong."

"oh yeah, no, it wasn't cringe at all! everybody in the industry already saw your chemistry from before you mentioned it. i totally support you guys haha." he speaks casually and your eyes widen.

"wh-what? support our what? what do we have? what chemistry?" you ramble and bang chan chuckles.

"relax, relax — it's nothing, just, we see your flirting here and there and you two would be so cute together. but, if you want my advise, i wouldn't recommend going public with it, honestly. DESTINY— it's DESTINY, right? you guys just debuted, i don't think having a public relationship with an idol older than you is the right career choice this early on." he says and you nod along, you totally understood where he was coming from but when you stayed silent too long for comfort, bangchan tilted his head. "hey? did i say something wrong?"

you snapped your attention back at him. "hm? yeah, i mean NO! i completely understand what you said and i agree. plus, there's nothinggg between me and hongjoong, we're just... i don't know we're, okay, so there might be a little bit of a thing, but it'll take a long time until it actually becomes something~" you giggle and bangchan giggles as well and the two of you are just a giggling mess and hongjoong comes back to join your group.

"hey, what's all the giggling about?" he moves his head to look at you, then bang chan, then you, then bang chan — "isn't this your first time being acquainted? why are you two having so much fun without me? " then bangchan just smiles, then looks at you, then hongjoong, then you, then hongjoong.

"i'll get going nowww~" he says in a goofy tone and walks away.

"what's with him?" hongjoong mutters and looks at you. "have you eaten? eat! there's plenty of appetizers and foods around—"

"hongjoong-sunbaenim," you interrupt him. "ah, no... hongjoong-oppa." you look up at him, and he stares at you, expression blank but clearly flustered at the new title he got from you. "what are we?" you decide to live up to your title as the most ballsy kpop leader of the 5th generation and he chokes on air, eyebrows raising and eyes blinking repeatedly as he processes what you said.

"um," hongjoong looks around the room nervously, maybe concerned if anyone overheard what you just said. "i... like- hm? huh? i-" he can barely get a word out and you tilt your head, maybe you shouldn't have been to forward, it was wayyy too soon.

"sorry, you don't have to answer." you say calmly and he lets out a very obvious sigh of relief and you chuckle.

"felt like i was trying to defuse a time bomb." he laughs, holding a hand over his chest and you smile as not to ruin the mood, but your next question would do just that for you.

"but... be honest, this is more than a friendship, right? " you can see his smile falter ever so slightly and the silent pause is way too long for comfort. maybe you shouldn't have asked.

"...we'll see where it goes, yeah? " hongjoong smiles. you nod in understanding and he pets your head ever-so-softly as not to ruin your hair. "let's go, let's enjoy the party."

later that night, he takes you to your dorm in the same car he is being driven home in — he waves goodbye and you bow politely. "i'll text you!" hongjoong says, loud enough for you to hear. the car drives off in the distance and you smile and wave. "i'll reply!" you yell back.

your relationship lasted in the talking stage for a few months. rumors were nonexistent because you and hongjoong didn't have to express your attraction to each other through lives and posts and stories anymore, fans assumed it was because the staff felt the tension between you two died down and stopped using it for clout, little did they know that it all began hiding behind closed doors through hundreds of flirty texts and phone calls, cute selcas, handmade gifts, ordering food for each other, occasional video calls, and personal dates throughout your busy schedule. you were practically dating now but you and hongjoong never had a label.

"so, what are you guys? " wooyoung would ask.

hongjoong takes a moment to answer as he scrolls through his laptop. "...we're in a situationship."

"aren't you a little too old to be afraid of commitment?"

"ya, bastard—"

it wouldn't take too long for your "situationship" to spread among other idols and since everyone else was pretty closed off or "careful" it was the gossip of the industry.

about 6 months into whatever you and hongjoong had; you two were alone together in the living room of his dorm, everyone else was out and about, busy tending to their own lives leaving you two were finally alone together. one of the few moments you treasured. you laid comfortably into his chest as you both focused on wonka (timothee ver.) playing on the flat screen tv. hongjoong subconsciously pets your hair every now and then and you nuzzled deeper into his chest but there was a lingering thought in your head that you have been meaning to ask.

"hongjoong-oppa..." you mumble. hongjoong humms in response — you feel the vibration of his voice against your ear that rests just above his chest. you shuffled to look at him, he glances at you, seeing that you're a bit serious, he pauses the movie and he sits up a bit. "...is it still to early to ask what we are?"

hongjoong's expression doesn't change. it makes it hard for you to read him and how he feels about the question you have been too scared to ask these past few weeks. hongjoong doesn't respond however, just looking at you with clueless eyes. you sigh, expressing your disappointment and gently push him back into his position on the couch and laid back on top of him.

"nevermind." you murmur. you don't wanna force him into rushing the relationship or do anything he's uncomfortable with, but you don't want to wait too long either. shouldn't the two of you always be on the same page? you sigh again the more you thought about it, but your thoughts were interrupted as soon as hongjoong pushed you back up into your position.

"no," he simply said. "it's not too soon. in fact, it's a little late." he began and you started listening to him, pout evident on your face. hongjoong takes a deep breath. "the truth is, i have been thinking about this topic... me and some of the members would talk about it, and they kept telling me to "put a label on it," but my response was always that i was too scared." you looked at him, brows furrowed. "i really like you, y/n. it scares me." he whispers.

"...you don't... have to be scared." you say softly.

"i know, i know—" he rubs his forehead and he lets out a deep sigh. "but a label makes it so official, y'know...? "

"i know, oppa, but if our relationship, is not going anywhere then we might as well stop now." you can feel the anger in you bubbling up. "i don't date around, you know. you said yourself that you wanted to see where this would go, it's been months and after everything we've done together, i still can't believe we're not even called boyfriend and girlfriend," you pause to take a breath and calm yourself down. "i don't want to force you anything, but i just, i can't help but think that you don't want to continue this but you're too afraid to tell me. i don't want to wake up tomorrow and you change your mind and decide that you don't want me anymore, i need to propose an ultimatum." you pause, licking your lips nervously. "if you don't want to be my boyfriend now then maybe you shouldn't be my boyfriend at all."

you rambled on like you usually do, but hongjoong doesn't want to interrupt you, he never wanted to, he loves listening to you talk, but hearing the words that came out of your mouth upset him.

"...y/n, don't get me wrong," he began. "i want to be your boyfriend and i want you to be my girlfriend, i want a label, but you have to understand that it's hard for me..." he explained calmly, voice soft.

his words don't change how you feel, and you frown. "then why? what are you waiting for—? " your words are interrupted when you feel his lips smash into yours in a soft and wet kiss, it's almost aggressive but eventually, it melts into a tender, passionate connection before pulling away. you look at hongjoong, a little dazed but befuddled. that was the last thing you expected but somehow it calmed your nerves, unlike his words. you look away from him as a blush creeps into your face — that was your first ever kiss with him. "why'd you do that..? "

"because, y/n," hongjoong softly squishes your cheeks and guides you to look into his eyes. "you're beautiful. not just physically — your personality is beautiful, your passion is beautiful... you're a wonderful person and i am very lucky to have you." you're glad that you're looking at him because you can see the sincerity in his eyes. "...and i love how much you care and i- i know that i am ready to have a label, it's just that i told you... i'm scared... but, i guess, we don't always jump into things prepared..." he says and your expression softens. you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him just a little bit closer. "y/n... can i be your boyfriend?" he asks softly.

"of course. what's wrong with you?" you playfully hit his chest and pull him into another short kiss. "i literally had a breakdown about the fact that you didn't wanna be my boyfriend and you're still asking me if i want you to be my boyfriend?" you laugh, hongjoong leans in, another small kiss.

"ya, don't tease me." he mumbles against your lips and you smile mischievously.

"or what~?" you ask, suggestively tilting your head as you look into his gorgeous eyes. hongjoong simply chuckles at your boldness and pecks your cheek, pulling you in for a proper hug and he whispers in your ear.

"don't push it," you were shocked at how deep his voice became. "i might not be able to contain myself..." he says casually and lays back down as if he didn't just leave you wet. "...right, let's continue the movie." he grabs the remote from the table and unpauses it. you just sit there, high and dry.

it's been a year since you and hongjoong have been together, fans are still unaware but catch on to random hints and slip-ups here and there but usually they are too far fetched to be considered a "soft launch" (like you accidentally calling hongjoong "oppa" on a livestream), and only ateez and DESTINY know that your relationship is official official (even your managers don't know, which made it super difficult to go on dates.)

their reactions include but are not limited to:

"finally. you two were beginning to be insufferable..." — DESTINY

"NO WAYYY!?!? THAT'S SO GREAT!!!" — Ateez

"oppaaa!" you yell loudly as you enter the dance studio hongjoong and a few of his members were practicing in. it was late at night and not many people were in the building at the time, you ran over to him and jumped in his arms.

"hi, baby! what are you doing here so late?" he kisses your cheek as he carries you by your thighs against him and you look into his eyes.

"why? can't i see my baby while he's working? " your arms are wrapped around his neck and you kiss his nose, he smiles and scrunches his nose, nuzzling it into yours like a rabbit.

"ahh, come on, you know you're my baby!" he says in a sweet aegyo voice and you giggle. he puts you down and seonghwa walks by.

"come on guys, seriously, i think i might barf..."

"i know, 'oppa, you're my baby, not just that — i want your babies~'" san decides to join in and mock you two with a skit and feigning a high pitched voice. pretending to be you and that seonghwa was hongjoong, playfully hitting his chest.

"ya, stop that, you weirdo—" seonghwa chuckles and hits san back.

you both ignore them, already used to their antics. you hold hongjoong's hands, looking into his eyes. "oppa, wanna go get a snack?"

"totally! let's go." he lets go of your left hand and holds on to your right as he leads you out the dancing studio and into the corridor. "so, where are we going?"

"what? why would i know? i thought you knew." you say, dumbfounded.

"why should i know? you're the one who suggested that we go out for a snack!" he exclaims.

"okay, okay! sooo... let's just go back to the dancing studio? " you turn around and hongjoong pauses, his smile remains the same.

"...actually, i have something else in mind." his voice is soft yet deep — you tilt your head in curiosity as he leads you to the end of the corridor and to the elevators, clicking the down button.

"...soo, are you going to tell me or..?"

"let's hang out in my studio."

this was undeniably the smartest idea Hongjoong had come up with since the beginning of your relationship (considering your surprise). it was incredibly rare for the two of you to get some precious alone time together, so you vowed to savor every single moment. laying on the couch in your favorite position (with you comfortably sprawled on top of him), a soothing silence enveloped the room, where the sound of your synchronized breathing patterns filled the air.

"'joong," you mumble, almost falling asleep, eyes closed. you shift on top of him and feel something rather peculiar down there. your eyes shot wide open. "'joong?!" you playfully hit his chest and sit up. "ya, i thought we were just chilling!"

"sorry! sorry- i couldn't help it, you were positioned so-" he pauses, staring at you as you urged him to continue with a smile and furrowed brows. "nevermind, nevermind, lay back down. it's chill, i promise."

"no," you suddenly say.

"no???" hongjoong questions. "wh- what do you mean?" he tries to laugh it off.

"i mean no, you said it was my fault. i have to help you," you innocently said and slid off of him, going on your knees on the floor.

"woah, woah, woah, wait- no, y/n, i can't let you do that," hongjoong attempts to pull you back up, but you refuse, your hands rest on his thighs, looking up at him with sparkling eyes, eagerly waiting for him to say yes. it's difficult for hongjoong to say no to that expression, he curses under his breath, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. "ahh, shit." he grumbles. "have you ever even sucked a dick, y/n?" he looks down at you, and you shake your head.

"no," you innocently respond. "but i can learn with you right? it's difficult for me to have a sex life, y'know, with our schedules and all."

"yeah, yeah…" he looks away, hand covering the flush of his cheeks.

"…wait," you suddenly stood up. "is this your way of telling me you've been sucked off before?"

"was that your way of telling me you've never been fucked before?" hongjoong quipped.

"is that your other way of telling me you've fucked someone else before?!" you shot back.

he chuckles, "c'mon, baby, this is a good thing!" he runs his hands up and down your arms, attempting to soothe your annoyance, although he's not quite sure whether you're joking or serious. "i could teach you a thing or two, you know? how does that sound, sweetheart?" he stands up and spins around, gently guiding you to sit on the couch with him. despite your earlier irritation, you can't help but giggle as he showers your face with kisses, eventually kissing your lips and coaxing you to lay down on the couch as the make-out session intensifies. he climbs on top of you, grinding his hips into yours, you whine into his kiss. "you like that?" hongjoong mumbles in between kisses, abruptly pulling away to rid of his clothing, prompting you to get rid of yours.

you were practically drooling over his cock, already waiting for him to trace it to your entrance as he wrapped his hand tightly around himself, but he didn't. instead, he leaned back on the other end of the couch, head thrown back as he pumped himself hard. as much as you were disappointed, you gotta say, what a fucking sight. the kim hongjoong was masturbating in front of you, to you. eager, you leaned forward and wrapped your hands around his hand that pumped his cock, wanting to make his job easier, hongjoong stared at you blankly for a moment, considering what he should let you do, slowly, he guided your hands to wrap around his thick girth, urging you to pump up and down, occassionally squeezing at the tip, watching as his precum escaped.

"fuck," hongjoong cursed under his breath. "ah, shit, shit, wait," he pulled your hands off of him. concerned you might've hurt him or done a bad job, you pulled away and watched as he ran a hand through his hair. "sorry, i was just so close to cumming." he mumbled, covering his face with both hands in shame.

you tilt your head, confused. "that's a good thing, though."

"no, no, i wanna make you cum first, baby…" his hand met your cheek, stroking it gently. "you want my tongue or fingers?"

"mmh, cock…" you mumbled, laying on your back and spreading your legs, showing your pretty, tight hole on fully display for him to use. "i want your cock, hongjoong…"

"fuck," hongjoong cllimbed over you and eagerly placed his tip at your entrance. who the hell was he to say no to his innocent baby? he stuck two fingers inside you, collectine some of your arousal to wrap around his cock as lubrication, "fuck, will you be able to take me?" he slowly pushed his tip inside, already struggling as your poor pussy hole fluttered around him. "baby, i don't think it'll fit-" he almost laughed.

"it'll fit!" you whined, grabbing his bare forearms. "i've fingered myself thinking about this moment many times, baby, it'll fit, make it fit, please, i want this, rip me apart, baby-"

slowly, hongjoong bottomed out inside you. the stretch stinging you — he almost came at your mere words and he didn't want to hear another second of it, so he patiently settled inside you for a moment, letting you get used to the sensation before he couldn't take it anymore. he might accidently cum inside you with the way your tight virgin hole squeezed around his long, fat cock. his pace started off slow, he pulled out at his tip before harshly slamming back inside you. you whined. "j-joong," you blubbered. "not too hard."

"okay, baby, i'm sorry," hongjoong leaned down, placing a kiss on your lips before slamming back inside you, slowly and gently. he set the vanilla pace. fuck, fuck, fuck, he was fucking you so good. you hated the thought that he had done this with other girls, but then again, if he didn't then he probably wouldn't have had the skill to fuck you like this right now.

"aah- faster," you whined and hongjoong complied, wanting nothing but to please you, to make your first time memorable. he thrust harder into you, his cock hitting your sweet spot you never even knew existed. "aah! ahhh~!" you involuntarily whined, you had never felt so good in your life, you never felt this before, the desire to reach your climax and the desire to never want this feeling to end. "i-i'm cumming, 'joong-" you whined as he fucked harder into you, abrupt thrusts, his head rested in the crook of your neck, letting out soft groans, his warm breath against your skin.

"cum for me, baby, that's right," he groaned as you squeezed tightly around him, creaming around his cock. "fuck, fuck, that's right baby…" he whispered, reaching his climax as well and painting your insides whiter than they have ever been.

"mmng…" you moaned, you couldn't get a word out even if you wanted to. too fucked out to form a coherent thought, hongjoong stayed inside of you until he softened. he pulled out, placing a kiss on your lips and nose.

"fuck, you took me so well, baby, you know that?" he made his way to face your pussy and began pushing the cum back inside your small hole. "mmh, your first time, you had a creampie? what a dirty slut you are, hmm?" he whispered, kissing the inside of your thigh before grabbing your discarded panties from the floor and sliding it back up your legs. all you could let out was a helpless whine, hongjoong dressed himself up, climbing into the couch wiht you, cuddling your naked, fucked out form into his fully clothed one. "sleep, baby, i'll clean you up at my dorm tomorrow, m'kay?"

"y'sure..?"

"yes, baby, don't worry."

[jokeroutsubs]

[📝ENG Translation]: Souvenir Pop Through the Eyes of Joker Out Members

Original article written by Boštjan Tušek, published 27.11.2024 on 24ur. Photos by Miro Majcen. English translation by @kurooscoffee, review by drumbeat, proofread IG GBoleyn123.

Full translation under the cut 👇

We visited Joker Out in their rehearsal space, where the band members shared their thoughts on their new album and explained all the songs from their third full-length album, Souvenir Pop, in their own words. The album has already been released on digital platforms and CDs, and they are promising a vinyl edition as well.

About the Title SOUVENIR POP:

Bojan: We were sitting here in the rehearsal space, struggling to find a short, universally understandable way to summarise everything that happened to us during this time. After some serious thought, we realised that the music is essentially a collection of memories—“souvenirs”—that we’ve gathered. For the first time in our lives, we traveled so much and spent so much time away from home. Everything was very “pop,” and we lived out all the pop star dreams we used to admire. We shortened this journey into “pop,” making it a souvenir pop journey.

Photo: Joker Out recently unveiled their third album, Souvenir Pop. Together with Bojan, Kris, Jan, Nace, and Jure, we analysed all the songs on the album. PHOTO: Miro Majcen.

On the Cover Photo Taken in Bed:

Jure: The cover photo was born long before the album got its title. It was captured on the morning of the semifinals last May in Liverpool. We kept it under wraps for almost a year and a half. We liked it already back then and immediately thought it could one day work as an album cover. When we started looking for a cover, it still best reflected our feelings.

Bojan: It was taken on an iPhone during the filming of a promotional video, so basically a completely randomly captured moment.

On the “Circus” Surrounding Them Because of the New Album:

Kris: What's particularly noticeable is the mental and emotional fragmentation. The songs are quite diverse and colourful, and at first glance, they didn’t seem to belong on the same album. But as Bojan said, they remind us of fridge magnets, which perhaps reflects that we were “all over the place,” and that we were exploring ourselves on a broader musical, lyrical, and instrumental level than usual.

Nace: You can tell the songs are “hyped up” because we were in that mindset. Different things influence you, and it would have been quite different if we had stayed home for a month before that instead of being on tour.

PHOTO: Miro Majcen.

On Lack of Time:

Kris: We had to intentionally carve out time to write and record songs. We spent two months in London, a month in Hamburg, and last year we took a week in Kočevje to work on 'Everybody’s Waiting'. Carpe Diem took 14 days. We were maybe even under a bit of pressure, knowing we had to produce something.

On Three Languages on the Album:

Bojan: We spent a lot of time with all three languages; speaking, listening, and thinking in them. The stories naturally emerged in all three languages, and we didn’t resist that because it would have been truly foolish.

I see language as just another tool for conveying information, like how a specific guitar effect suits one song but not another.

PHOTO: Miro Majcen.

On Egos:

Bojan: Egos have to clash because they’re an important part of our drive. I wouldn’t say our egos fight; they occasionally disagree, but everything generally moves in the same direction—to create something the five of us like. We have a healthy dose of competitiveness, and we’ve never truly had a fight. We separate the person from the musician, which I think is important.

Kris: There was never much ego, but for this album, we threw out what little was left. On this record especially, we faced moments where someone else did something on your instrument that you should have done. But that opened new possibilities and ideas—a fresh perspective. This happened to all of us except Bojan with vocals.

Kris: Today, a friend sent me a message from Venice; they were playing 'Carpe Diem'. Last year, we made it onto the top 40 charts of a Lithuanian radio station. PHOTO: Miro Majcen.

Comments on the songs from the album SOUVENIR POP:

1. MUZIKA ZA DECU (Serbo-Croatian):

Bojan: When the idea came to me, I was thinking about how much I liked what was coming out of the speakers; quite grown up. Then I had a flash of cynicism and sarcasm: it’s all just for girls, for kids. Hence, “muzika za decu” (music for children). Initially, it was called Zlatna kosica (Golden hair), haha. I wrote the intro, then improvised the rest of the lyrics in Hamburg while we were playing it.

Nace: You might have changed two words.

Kris: The intro I play on guitar was originally done by Bojan on the piano. While recording, I was strumming along, imagining a piano intro. But when we listened to it later, everything felt so wrong that we started liking it. That’s how it stayed. We recorded it all together in one room, in one go.

Bojan: Žare was thrilled that he had to “clean up” the vocals (laughs), which we recorded in the kitchen.

Jure: This is one of the songs which features guest performers; a children’s choir at the end.

Nace: The kids from our crew and their relatives sang. The first group sang too in tune, so we recorded another group that was a bit less perfect. In the end, we combined the two recordings, and it turned out just right. There were about 15 to 20 kids altogether.

Jan: The guitar sound came from my Whammy pedal, which the producer Žare Pak didn’t always like, haha.

Nace: We have to commend Žare for producing in such a way that everything unnecessary is stripped away. He never hides anything like some other producers might.

PHOTO: Miro Majcen.

2. ŠTA BIH JA (Serbo-Croatian):

Kris: This was the first song we created in London. Within a week, we already had the structure, though it initially resembled Bijelo Dugme. Some elements were later removed.

Nace: Yeah, Žare came in and said, “Guys, this is unnecessary” (laughs).

Kris: His reaction was hilarious. When he heard it, he said, “Did I send you to the UK to make yugo music?!” (laughs). It was our first Balkan reaction to being foreigners in a foreign country, and it just poured out of us. Bojan already had the lyrics “šta bih ja u ovoj crnoj noći bez tebe radio” (what would I do in this dark night without you), and we recorded it.

Bojan: I actually prefer hearing my voice in Serbo-Croatian over Slovenian, the position of the voice seems more natural.

Jure: It's interesting how the colour of Bojan's voice changes with different languages, which is actually quite normal.

Kris: Yeah, Bojan, in a 'Balkan language,' your rocker alter ego comes out even more, I think.

PHOTO: Miro Majcen.

3. CARPE DIEM (Slovenian):

Bojan: This is the original souvenir. And pop. It’s hard to believe how one song can change everything for you like that. It’s literally just one of our songs; not necessarily better than the others, maybe not even one of my favourites. But as our Eurovision entry, it perfectly conveyed our message. The whole story and image of the band are captured in those three minutes. It’s an excellent channel for our energy, which got people to believe in us and become interested.

Kris: Today, a friend sent me a message from Venice; they played 'Carpe Diem' there. Last year, we were on the Lithuanian radio top 40 charts.

Bojan: The most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen in my life was when an older Mongolian singer and his band played and sang Carpe Diem live at a reception for our president, Nataša Pirc Musar, in Ulaanbaatar. We also received a recording from Zanzibar, where someone played it on a hotel terrace.

Bojan: I wouldn’t say our egos fight; they occasionally disagree, but everything generally moves in the same direction—to create something we all like. PHOTO: Miro Majcen.

4. STEPHANIE (English):

Bojan: Of course, Stephanie isn’t really Stephanie, but these are real people who exist.

Jure: I didn’t have any part in this one since there are no drums; everything is programmed (laughs).

Nace: Yeah, everything was done by Casio, haha.

Kris: For many songs, we had a sample beat to practice with, and in some cases, it stayed in the final version. 'Stephanie' is one of those songs as well.

5. AKO TOGA VIŠE NEČE BITI (Serbo-Croatian):

Bojan: You believe in Santa Claus until you realise he doesn’t exist. It’s the same with love; until something destroys everything so thoroughly that you simply stop believing in it. This is a song about very raw disappointment with love.

Nace: I’m in a long-term relationship, and when you leave home, it’s a sacrifice both partners make. In the spirit of it being good for both of you and your partner supports it, everything is okay.

Kris: Full respect to your partner for enduring how you went from ‘zero to a hundred’ in six months.

Nace: We have to commend Žare for producing in such a way that everything unnecessary is stripped away. PHOTO: Miro Majcen

6. BLUZA (Serbo-Croatian):

Bojan: I wrote 'Bluza' a long time ago, up to the chorus, about three years ago. For a long time, nothing happened with it until I presented it to the guys on an acoustic guitar. From there, it developed quickly, in a day or two. We even played it on tour before its release. Initially, it was more guitar-driven than it is now. The title, 'Bluza', literally just comes from the lyric “u ritmu tvoga bluza” (in the rhythm of your blues), but I quite like it.

Jan: A lot of our songs are titled after a phrase from the first verse that has no connection to the chorus.

Bojan: Similarly, back in university, my friends kept nagging me about 'Gola' (Naked), why we gave it that title, but nobody thought of the phrase “za naju” (for us), haha.

Kris: It’s probably because, during the creative process, we repeat the first part a lot, and that phrase naturally becomes the title.

Bojan: The story of a song always takes shape in the first verse.

PHOTO: Miro Majcen

7. LIPS (English):

Bojan: We heard there’s a lot of money in music for films, so the song sounds like an apocalyptic ballad (laughs). Initially, it was quite Franz Ferdinand-esque. We even considered a duet with a French singer but didn’t have a clear vision, so we dropped the idea. Later, Žare and I restructured it, and then Nace tied everything together into a cohesive piece.

Jure: The song went through quite a few iterations.

Nace: Originally, it was a completely different song called 'Je t'aime'.

PHOTO: Miro Majcen

8. MESTO DUHOV (Slovenian):

Bojan: Trumpeter Luka Ipavec collaborated on this track, adding trumpet parts to the choruses. We created it in England and named it after the street we were living on; it had quite a dark vibe. Initially, the song was about a girl who cheated on me, leading to my suicide. Then we introduced the “papapapa” part, creating an atmosphere of a funeral, a procession. When we decided the song should be in Slovenian, we tied it to how the current social climate feels incredibly negative overall. People are always ready to quickly react to something negative. It’s no longer pleasant to go outside; everything reflects the weight of what’s happening around us. There’s unfortunately an air of superficiality around us.

Jan: The solo came to life in Hamburg. Later, when we were finishing the songs, I had the idea to rhythmically slice the solo so that it spells out “baby boo” in Morse code.

Jan: A lot of our songs are titled after a phrase from the first verse that has no connection to the chorus. PHOTO: Miro Majcen

9. SONCE (Slovenian):

Jan: I play the keyboards on this one. Bojan had already outlined the song on guitar with chords. The idea was to create something orchestral, like in 'Novi val'. I, however, approached it differently and arranged the piano part. I showed Bojan a melody that, in my view, reflects the essence of the song.

Bojan: This song is a direct reaction to events in Palestine. It’s the story of a deceased son speaking to his mother. It’s undoubtedly the most emotionally heavy song on the album. The structure is also unconventional; no part repeats, and the chorus appears only once. Jan captured perfectly what the vocals are saying with his piano part. It’s like a haiku, a single thought; not a classic pop song. Jan nailed the final take on his first try.

Kris: We could quickly get stuck creatively if everyone only insisted on their own instruments. Many songs only broke through when someone pressed something different. There were many moments where we needed that kind of freshness.

PHOTO: Miro Majcen

10. EVERYBODY’S WAITING (English):

Kris: This was a song we didn’t know what to do with until Žare offered the most basic beat, and Jan started working with the Rhodes electric piano, which set the direction for the album.

Bojan: Jan picked up the Rhodes out of nowhere and according to Žare, he plays better than 90 percent of Slovenian keyboardists (laughs).

Kris: Žare’s modus operandi is to break your conventional thinking and enhance your intuition. He believes intuition is superior to thinking.

PHOTOS: Miro Majcen

[bibibahngg]

【ｓｔｒｉｎｇｓ　ｏｆ　ｍｙ　ｈｅａｒｔ】

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚pairing: han jisung x reader ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖summary: your boyfriend and his guitar mesmerizingly capture your heart, yet again. ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚warnings/genre: fluff. that's literally it. its very cheesy though i warn you. ⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖notes: improvement??? idk but i hope u guys like it, english isnt my first language so there might be some grammar issues,, anw enjoy!!

the late afternoon sun filtered softly through the windows of jisung's room, casting a warm glow across the scattered sheets of lyrics and music notes. you were sitting cross-legged on the floor, your back leaning against his desk, watching him intently as he adjusted the strings on his guitar.

it wasn't the first time you had watched him with that guitar, but each time felt like a new experience. there was something so captivating about the way he handled it, the way his fingers moved so effortlessly over the strings, each note he played creating its own world.

"you know, you're like a rockstar when you play" "a rockstar, huh? you really think so?" "definitely."

he laughed, but there was a flicker of genuine pride in his eyes as he strummed a few chords. "i don't know about that", he said, "but i've been working on something new. wanna hear it?"

"of course! 'm all ears."

jisung's eyes sparkled as he fixed his posture, the guitar resting comfortably on his lap. he gave you a quick glance, and then he started playing, his fingers dancing across the fretboard with practiced ease. the melody was light at first, almost like a gentle breeze, but then it deepened, the rhythm picking up as if telling a story of its own.

it was mesmerizing. the way his fingers moved, the way his focus was entirely on the guitar, but still somehow aware of you watching. it felt like a private concert, just for you.

the music flowed through the room, and with every strum, you couldn't help but smile. it wasn't just the melody that was beautiful, but the way he made it sound so effortless.

"what do you think?"

"i think you're amazing, even if i do tell you that, like, every day", you said honestly, your heart fluttering a little. "that was perfect."

jisung chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "baby... you're making me blush."

"good. you deserve to blush", you teased, moving over to sit next to him on the bed. "but seriously, how do you make it look so easy? i've seen you play this guitar a million times, and it always sounds so good."

he shrugged, his lips curving into a soft smile. "it's all about feeling the music. when you're really in the moment, everything just falls into place."

you watched as he gently caressed the strings of the guitar, his fingers moving with a kind of reverence. there was something magnetic about his passion. it wasn't just the guitar or the music, but the way he could lose himself in it.

"i've been working on another song for a while now", he said, his voice suddenly quieter, almost hesitant. "i haven't shared it with anyone yet. maybe… i could play it for you?"

you could hear the uncertainty in his voice, and it made your heart warm. "i'd love to hear it, baby. i’m sure it's incredible."

he smiled, but it was a little shy, before he started playing again. this time, the melody was slower, more soulful. it was deep, full of emotion. like each note was carefully chosen, each chord a reflection of something personal. it was the kind of song that made you feel something in your chest, even if you couldn't quite put it into words.

when he finished, you could tell he was waiting for your reaction, the air between you thick with anticipation.

"that was beautiful", you said softly, your voice almost a whisper. "you really put your everything into that song, didn't you?"

jisung nodded, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. "i guess i did. it's.. kind of personal. i wasn't sure if anyone would understand it."

you reached out, gently placing your hand over his. "i understand it, jisung. its exactly what makes you, you. and i'm so lucky to get to hear it."

he looked down at your hand, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. then, he let out a soft laugh, as if he was finally letting out a breath he'd been holding in for a while.

"you're the best" he said, looking up at you with that sincere, slightly bashful smile. "i'm glad you like it.", "you know, i think i've officially fallen for this guitar… and its owner. yet again."

jisung raised an eyebrow playfully, his grin widening. "oh? you're saying it's not just me you're in love with?"

you smirked back. "i'm still deciding… but you've got some stiff competition" you teased.

he laughed, his eyes shining with amusement. "guess i'll have to win you over again."

"good luck", you said, giving him a wink. "but i think you're already halfway there."

jisung chuckled softly, setting the guitar down on the bed. he turned to face you, his gaze softening. "well, it looks like i've got my work cut out for me. but i'm not giving up anytime soon."

and just like that, with the sweet sound of his music still lingering in the air, you knew one thing for sure. there was no one else you'd rather spend this moment with than han jisung. the guy, the musician, the heartthrob who'd already played his way into your heart.

a/n: idk what to say ngl but i like how this turned out! also credits to @anitalenia for the dividers <3 ty for reading!!

[burningcheese-merchant]

BurningCheese/GoldenSpice Playlist

Ok, time to stop being a bitch and post the ship playlist I keep harping on about already.

Gonna mark each song with an emoji to signify if it's meant to either be Burning Spice's POV (🔺) or Golden Cheese's (🧀). It's also going to be band/singer name first, song name second, for ease of understanding

Thank you to everyone who's reached out to me, both on here and on AO3, with song suggestions! A good chunk of these came from me myself, but a lot of people introduced me to plenty more songs that I loved and agreed suited these two perfectly. It's been fun putting a playlist together with this help, it feels like a fun group project now lol. (Hell, you guys are actually helping me think of new writing material. Music is a huge source of inspiration and creativity for me, as I'm sure you've noticed. In a way, you're all indirectly making fic requests lol)

You're all still more than welcome to keep shooting me song ideas to add, the playlist is ever-expanding! I'll just come back to this post and edit any new additions in. (This playlist is 3x longer than my PitayaFire one. I need you all to understand how big of a deal that is for me personally. I never thought I'd be this down bad for a ship besides that one. It's fucking surreal)

Some of it is meant to sound one-sided, others like it's a mutual love/relationship. I'll let you guess which is which lol. Now rock out to Evil Spice Man x Pretty Cheese Lady with me 🤘🤘🤘

Mindless Self Indulgence - Shut Me Up🔺

Fall Out Boy - I Don't Care🔺(with the Wild Spice crew as the backup singers!!!)

Mariah Carey - Obsessed 🧀

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You🔺🧀

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance🔺🧀

Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)🔺

Mindless Self Indulgence - What Do They Know?🔺

Britney Spears - Toxic 🧀

Fish in a Birdcage - Rule #34🔺(this is also a great PureShadow song ngl. It's how it was first introduced to me, even lol)

Shayfer James - Filthy Habit🔺

King Gnu - SPECIALZ🔺🧀 (look up the English version of the lyrics. Very BurningCheese-core imo)

Mindless Self Indulgence - This Hurts🔺

Jack Black - Peaches🔺(shout out to the anon in my inbox who suggested this. Joke's on them, I had this on the playlist right from the start lolololololol)

Arctic Monkeys - R U Mine?🔺

Lady Gaga - Poker Face 🧀

Olly Murs (feat. Flo Rida) - Troublemaker 🧀

Rihanna - Where Have You Been🔺(fun fact: I had this playing on a loop as I wrote "Our Little Dance" to get into the Yandere Spice mindset lol)

Lady Gaga - Judas 🧀

Miike Snow - Genghis Khan🔺

The Orion Experience - Obsessed With You🔺(this song is just really funny. You can probably apply it to all Beast x Ancient ships tbh)

Nine Inch Nails - Closer🔺

Mindless Self Indulgence - 5TR82HE11🔺

Air Traffic Controller - This Is Love🔺

Bad Omens - THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND🔺🧀

Isabel LaRosa - favorite 🧀

Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch🔺(listen I imagined Spice singing this to Golden and just started howling with laughter, it's fucking hysterical ok)

ENHYPEN - Bite Me🔺

Scissor Sisters - I Can't Decide🔺(GC would sing a few parts tho)

5 Seconds of Summer - Teeth🔺🧀 (mostly Spice though)

Buerak - Культ Тела 🔺(look up English lyrics, very Yandere Spice coded. Thank you to the anon who suggested it)

Tom Lehrer - The Masochism Tango🔺

Lady Gaga - Disease 🧀

G-Eazy (with Halsey) - Him & I🔺🧀

Britney Spears - ...Baby One More Time🔺(imagine Spice singing this while stuck in prison. Please. He's singing and the other Beasts want to off themselves because it's so annoying and he won't stop. Please it is so funny. I have so much fun imagining this freak acting stupid-)

[rememberingliampayne]

Dear Liam,

I'm going to miss you so very much. I'm going to miss opening your snapchat stories, I'm going to miss watching your tiktoks and I'm going to miss hearing your new music. You were such a huge part of my life, even if you never knew me.

I was around 6 years old when what makes you beautiful was released. I live in Canada and One Direction was the only thing every girl in my class talked about. I was wearing one direction pajamas to bed every night and had a 1D backpack just like every other girl my age. However, I wasn't able to fully appreciate everything the band was, I was mainly invested into the singles, and LOVED zayn, especially as a indian girl in western culture.

That is until I was around 12 years old in 2018, where I became a full blown stan. As I learned more about the band, watching every interview and memorizing the entire discography, I imediately fell in love with everything about you (no pun intended). You were always so sweet and funny, which is why YOU, liam, became my favourite. I started getting fully emerged into everyone's solo music, but bedroom floor and strip that down were the songs I played the most.

I was so excited for LP1 to release, I remember staying up all night (no pun intended again), just to be one of the firsts to listen. However, even then I recall everyone hating and comparing your music to the other boys' releases. I didn't care and stood by everything, I remember using the lyrics of 'heart meets break' as a part of my romeo and juliet english presentation in ninth grade LOL.

Then when COVID hit YOU were the only thing keeping me going. I felt completely isolated and lost, but you going on tik tok live, the LP show, the weekly roundups on youtube and everything else you were doing at the time helped me get through it. Every bit of content you released brightened my day, and it gave me something to look forward to ESPECIALLY during those uncertain times. I remember seeing the tik toks you made like wap/wmyb one with abby, or the other one captioned something along the lines of "the meeting after zayn left the band," and i rmr you posting and talking abt Eitan. I remember every tiny detail because of how much it meant to me, and how much I enjoyed your content.

On a lower note, after the logan interview, i rmr distant friends who didnt even listen to 1D text me to debrief the interview, because everyone was hating on you. I however, always defended you to everyone I know. I was truly upset by people who ridiculed you for saying sum along the lines of the band being built around simon's promise to you. Yes I agree everyone in the band is so talented and successful in their own ways, and everyone has come a longg way from then, but I told everyone who approached me abt this that you were probably the most comfortable and strongest vocally during XFactor. You are so so talented Liam, and I have always defended that. I was truly upset by the hatred being sent towards you during that time, and although I missed your regular content during that break, I'm so glad you were able to take some time for yourself.

Fast forward to this year, I was so excited to be signed up for whatsapp updates officially, and thought that was the coolest thing ever!!! I listened to Teardrops as SOON as it was released after waiting forever because this was the start of a new era :). I couldnt wait to hear new music for the first time in a couple of years, the hype with the stickers and everything was also super super cool. The song felt so authentic and I couldnt wait for you to drop a second album. I imagined you'd go on tour next year to promote a new album, but I guess we'll unfortunately never know your plans.

One day when I was opening snapchat stories from my friends as I normally do, I clicked next and stumbled upon a story from you! It was so surprising and shocking, I mean I've subscribed on snapchat to u since I made my account in like 2020, but I've never really seen you POST. Eventually this became a regular thing, the snapchat stories, and I rmr you even posting on your instagram story telling fans to watch the snap content lol. Even up to the days before you unfortunately left us, I would watch those stories over and over because your content has always brightened my life.

I love and appreciate you so much Liam, thank you for everything you've done for us as fans. I hope that one day I will meet you, and that I will be able to thank you for everything. I hope you're happy wherever you are and know that you have always been loved :)

[asarajaa]

Me encanta los colores de tu blog!!

Do you have any head canons for Bachira?

How he would react to falling in love with someone? :)

I hope you are doing well!

Omg mil gracias! Me pasé como 2 días buscando el aesthetic correcto, en un principio iba a ser coquette pero cambie de idea en último momento jajsjsja

Said and done, my love! Hope you like it <3!

Warnings: fem!reader, spanish lyrics, bllk fem!manager Words: 565 Disclaimer: English isn't my first language so I apologise for any mistakes or misunderstandings!

Bachira falling in love hcs

₊˚ෆ We have to be realistic, this man wouldn't notice.

₊˚ෆ I believe Bachira hasn't any experience with the female genre except his mom, so he think of you as just a friend.

₊˚ෆ At first he didn't know how to 'name' you, because it felt different being your friend compared to being Isagis, but he thought it was because you were girl.

₊˚ෆ It isn't until Chigiri pointed out your treatment to each other. How you always give him first water or anything he needs, how his eyes look for your presence when he enters any room and so on.

₊˚ෆ Then is when he started to notice.

₊˚ෆ Bachira is confused af, so before making any move (or making another one, apparently) he waited until break and ask advice from his mama.

₊˚ෆ How can you blame him? You were such a really nice friend (?) and he didn't wanna mess things up.

₊˚ෆ When his mama tells him about the feeling in his stomach (know he knows they're called butterflies), the heart beating faster and more signs, he agreed with the idea of being in love with you.

₊˚ෆ "How to make my crush like me back".

₊˚ෆ MY POOR BOY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO 😭😭😭

₊˚ෆ After some advice (from his mama ofc), he decided let the things flow. Again, I believe Bachira is very cautious with this thing and doesn't wanna mess thing up (plus i'll be awkard if he does bc you guys will see eachother everyday for a long time, he doesn't want that).

₊˚ෆ His mamas advice help him, but he's still confused. Like, does he really fall in love? He doesn't know the answer to that.

₊˚ෆ You, on the other hand, were 100% sure you were in love with him.

₊˚ෆ Until on day, the day. It was during the break, you were hanging out with the boys when all of a sudden it started raining.

You were alone with Bachira, in the middle of the way back to the arcade. All of you were hungry and since the arcades food wasn't cheap, you guys decided to go to a convenient store.

All of you put your names on a roulette you find on the internet to decide the 2 persons who had to went, and omg- Bachira and you? How unexpected.

However, it started raining and you were with Bachira. Bachira, as the gentleman he is, offered to carry all of the bags ( because mama didn't raise no ungentleman boy ✋🏽).

And your first thought wasn't to put on the hood you had, or going to a covered place- no.

Your first thought was to touch your fingertips making a little house and cover Bachiras head.

Of course, it barely worked.

But the effort.

The effort. Because you were shorter than him, you have to tiptoe so his face was pretty close to yours.

The effort. Because you were getting your hair wet, which made it stick to your cheeks while his face was almost all dry.

The effort. Because you put his needings before yours (and he'll be damned if he didn't do the same).

At that moment, with your face millimeters away from him, he could only had one thing in his mind:

Mama will like her.

₊˚ෆ "Ya encontré, la que será mi futura esposa" was his only though at that moment apart from the fact that his mother would like you AND U CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND 😻✋🏽

₊˚ෆ For those who not know spanish, that is a line from a very popular song here in Spain. It's called "Mi Estrella Blanca", the line appears in the 1:45 minute. It means "I have already found the one who will be my future wife" and the song means "My White Star", it's a very beautiful song, go listen to it!!!

I LOVED how this turned on, I think I'll be making content inpired by lyrics from now on, tell me your opn!!

idk if you guys understant what y/n was doing with her hands?? here's a picture:

WHJBDJHD SRRY IT'S THE ONLY ONE THAT MATCHES. Imagine it like that but the thumbs are w/ the rest of the fingers.

PODER BESAARLA, CADA MAÑAANA. MIRAR PAL LADO Y VERLA TUMBADA EN MI CAAMA. SERÁ MI NOOCHE, SERÁ MI DÍAAAAAA. MI ESTRELA BLANCAAA

btw I finished 4 today, my abdomen hurts a little bit from sitting for a long time, lovya'll 💗💗💗

3 post in a day wow

26/04/24

© asarajaa — Please, do not copy, translate or reuse my work without my permission.

[russellsppttemplates]

Summer break (Mick Schumacher)

Small bikinis, new outfits, loud parties with alcohol to spare are some of the memories you get from summer break with Mick

Note: english is not my first language. this is a long piece that I hope will keep the interactions back up (I love getting your requests and overall having you interact with the posts and having some random thoughts shared too!), so I hope you enjoy this piece as I tried to combine to smaller requests into a big one

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

Tw: mentions reader's insecurities (scars, stretch marks), some smutty comments

"Come here, pale boy, I need to put SPF on you, otherwise you'll turn into a lobster by midday", you urged your boyfriend, grabbing the sunscreen bottle from your bag and seeing him comply with your request.

You started applying the cream product to his arms and shoulders, massaging it all along his back ensuring every bit of skin was covered and protected, "turn for me", you whispered on his ear as you noticed his spine shiver despite the warm air around you. Slowly, your boyfriend complied and you sprayed the product on his chest, circling his nipples and then moving to his tummy before heading back up to his neck and then his face, taking the opportunity to appreciate his handsome facial features. Your thumbs travelled from his forehead to his cheeks and then his lips, memorising every dimple.

"Can you do my back, please?", you asked him, handing him the bottle so he could do your back, the only place you hadn't been able to reach on your own. Mick was quick to u fasten your bikini top, making you place each hand on your boobs, hoping you wouldn't flash anyone, "Mick! You could've warned me!", you swatted his arm, not missing his smirk, "I just want to you to be protected everywhere, liebling", he said nonchalantly, rubbing the product before spraying it on your butt, "you have this really tiny piece that I love, but I can't risk you getting burnt either", he said, looking around as he bent down to kiss just over your bikini bottoms.

You were laying on the lounging area of the yacht, faintly hearing Esteban sing loudly (and terribly) to some song you couldn't point, your head on Mick's chest while your leg was hoisted up on middle section, his fingers tracing the stretch marks on your thighs wirh a soft touch, "it tickles", you giggled, running your hand on his chest, "but it doesn't hurt you, right? I quite enjoy to do this, but I don't want to make it uncomfortable for you", he muttered, kissing the top of your head, "it's fine, just thought they would be bumpy and weird for you", you mumbled, receiving a weird look from your boyfriend, "Y/N, I love you. I love all of you, and I love how your moles and stretchmarks and birthmarks make you you. And these", he traced the stretchmarks again, "they always go lighter in the summer, or the rest of your skin darkens I guess, and they glisten in the sunlight, and you look so beautiful. It's just another point that proves that you are, in fact, an angel that was sent to me and I couldn't be more grateful".

.

"Here you go", you said, holding Mick's cup on your hand while you poured the alcoholic mixture on it, handing it to him so you could share the drink once you reached your previous spot on the yacht.

Esteban had some friends over and the party was on a roll, dancing and drinks being refilled as they yelled random lyrics you wouldn't be able to understand even if you wanted to given the mixture of accents and foreign languages. And you and Mick had been in the middle of all of it for a while, deciding now to hang out in a quieter part of the yacht, sitting in the lounge sofa and enjoying the sunset, "you look beautiful, liebling", Mick began, his hand coming near your face to tuck a strand of your curly hair behind your ear, "so do you, my love", you mumbled, a little bit tipsy, kissing his cocktail flavoured lips and keeping your hand in his cheek, craddling his face to take in all his beauty. It didn't matter that you had been dating him, like many people often joked about, since you were in diapers, you could never get over how delicate and expressive his eyes were, how soft his cheeks were, how living his smile was. To you, he was simply the most handsome, and you thanked your lucky stars everyday that he was yours to appreciate like this.

"You're really tanned, my love", you mused, rubbing your thumb on his cheeks, "You look like a golden chicken nugget", you giggled, bringing a smile to your boyfriend's face, "perfectly crispy outside and chewy soft on the inside? I thought you preferred when I was har-", he blurted, only stopping when you clasped your hand on top of his mouth, his dirty comment muffled on your palm, "Mick Schumacher! You kiss your mother with that mouth?!", you scolded, "liebling, you know how I can do a lot with this mouth, especially when it comes to you", he teased you, his hands pulling you to sit on his lap, peppering your neck with kisses, "since you're so eager, care to show me those skills tonight?".

.

"I'm going to brush my hair and then we can leave", you announced to the rest of the group, Mick coming right behind you so he could get dressed to go out too, having decided to stay in comfier clothes until everyone was finally ready to leave.

You were brushing your hair and putting some product in it, the constant sun and salty water combination needing some extra products that usual so your hair wouldn't dry out, splitting your hair to your usual parting and heading to the room so you could grab your sandals, seeing Mick in his outfit for the evening. You gulped, and probably louder than you anticipated since your boyfriend looked at you with concern, "are you okay? Did you have something that didn't settle well in your tummy?", he said, his ring cladded hands coming to rub your lower stomach, not knowing the impact it was clearly having on you, "I'm good, I'm good", you muttered, managing to put your sandals on while you looked at your boyfriend, the black and white outfit complimenting his tanned skin in the most perfect way, the added silver jewellery catching your eye.

Mick was heading for the bathroom, brushing his hair with his fingers and you just about caught him about to grab some hair gel, "No!", you blurted, "can you leave it soft? Pretty please?", you pouted, fumbling your fingers around his blond hair, "do you like it?", he said, looking at the adoration in your eyes, "what? The hair? Or the outfit? Or the fact that my boyfriend looks insanely good and I have to go out with his friends for a bit before I can get you all to myself?", you questioned, lacing your hands around his neck and kissing his jaw, "c'mon, I want to take a picture of you looking like this. Me and your mother need to gossip about how handsome you look and I need to have this materialised forever in my phone", you urged him, holding his hand and making him go and take pictures at sunset.

[nopeferatu]

Hi! you’re the only person I follow on here that is into Brokeback Mountain discussion/ theories so I thought I’d throw some thoughts here- no pressure to answer at all. ive always loved the Mexico scene and found the song that plays during it (Quizás, Quizás, Quizás) very interesting- I was thinking about it recently and looked up the lyrics (translated into English) and was blown away by how relevant they are to the plot/ story of the movie. I was wondering if u had thought of this before/ have any thoughts on it! here are the lyrics if u want

https://lyricstranslate.com/en/quiz%C3%A1s-quiz%C3%A1s-quiz%C3%A1s-perhaps-perhaps-perhaps.html

Wow! I didn't realize that this is the song playing in the Mexico scene?? I mean... when these are the lyrics

[Verse1]

Everytime I ask you

That when, how and where

You always reply me

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

[Verse 2]

And days pass like this

Me, growing desperate

And you, you answering

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

[Verse 3]

You are wasting your time

Thinking, thinking

For God's sake

How much longer? How much longer?

I mean it's just so terribly topical... Jack going to Mexico was the embodiment of his patience worn thin. And the lyrics of this song are the musical depiction of that. I mean going to Mexico is literally the start of Jack realizing that he's never going to have Ennis, right? He's asked him to make a life with him and he says he can't, he has to think of his wife and kids. Now that the wife isn't in the picture he still can't do it. That's the moment that Jack really internalizes that it isn't just the fear that's keeping Ennis from committing to him—it's the shame. Ennis is ashamed of himself, his feelings for Jack, and of Jack himself. And spending the night with another man is when he starts letting go.

I'm not surprised at the level of detail in the song choice here. The BBM film soundtrack is very deliberate in its use of music. Back in 2022 when I first got very into BBM I did a deep dive into the lyrics of the songs and how they pertain to what happens during the scene they're playing in, and it's just all so intentional.

My personal favorite song choice is the use of "Melissa" by The Allman Brothers Band during the scene where Cassie drags Ennis onto the dance floor after meeting Alma Junior:

[Verse 1]

Crossroads, seem to come and go, yeah

The g**** flies from coast to coast

Knowing many, loving none

Bearing sorrow, having fun

But, back home he'll always run to sweet Melissa

[Verse 3]

Crossroads, will you ever let him go, Lord, Lord?

Or will you hide the dead man's ghost?

Or will he lie, beneath the clay?

Or will his spirit float away?

But, I know that he won't stay without Melissa

Barring the fact that it's just a beautiful song in general, it speaks so much to Ennis, right? He's holding Cassie close and slow dancing with her, but his heart is with another. His home is with Jack. Unfortunately though, the crossroads of his fears and shames will never let him go.

And the fact that we see him putting coins into the jukebox before the song comes on means Ennis is the one who chose to play that song! Like?? 😭 It drives me insane!!

[chiyuuchu]

Hello!!! Your account layout reminded me so much of this song called Virtual Angel by ARTMS… I was wondering if u could do a story based off the song! It can be either todoroki or bakugou (leaning more on todoroki) but it’s fine, whatever u think will fit!!! The song is in Korean (bc it’s kpop…) so u can search up Virtual Angel English lyrics and there will be a ton of results! Love ur account!!! 🪽🪽🪽💕💕💕

Virtual Angel <3 (9th August 2024)

Shoto Todoroki x Reader

Prompt! She’s there when no one else is, guiding him through his struggles and helping him thaw his frozen emotions.

a/n i’ll continue to write for everyone’s request! this song has inspired more plots for my future writing and speaking of kpop, stan kiss of life!

The sun was setting over U.A. High, casting long shadows across the school grounds. Shoto Todoroki walked silently through the empty courtyard, his mind as distant as the horizon. He had always been alone, even in a crowd, his heart wrapped in layers of ice that kept everyone at bay.

But lately, something strange had been happening. He had begun to see her—a girl with soft eyes and delicate wings that flickered and glitched as if they were part of a broken hologram. She appeared when he least expected it, standing just out of reach, her presence both comforting and unsettling.

“Who are you?” he asked one day, his voice low and cautious as he stopped in his tracks to look at her.

“I’m Y/N,” she replied with a gentle smile, her wings fluttering slightly before flickering out for a moment, then reappearing. “I’m here to watch over you, Shoto.”

He blinked, confused. “Watch over me? Why?”

She stepped closer, her expression soft but unreadable. “Because you need someone to. I’m here to help you, to guide you. But... you’re the only one who can see me.”

Shoto frowned, his heart beating a little faster. He didn’t want to admit it, but there was something about her that felt familiar, like she had always been there, just beyond the edges of his vision. But the more he tried to focus on her, the more her wings seemed to glitch, fading in and out of existence.

“I don’t understand,” he murmured, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Is there something wrong with me?”

Y/N’s smile grew sad, and she reached out, her hand passing through his like a whisper. “Because you’re special, Shoto. But it’s not time for you to understand yet.”

As the days passed, Shoto found himself increasingly distracted by Y/N’s presence. She was always there, watching him, guiding him through his training and offering quiet words of encouragement when he needed them most. But no one else could see her, and that was beginning to worry him.

In the quiet solitude of the training room, Shoto stood in front of a line of dummies, his breath steady but his heart racing. He had been struggling with controlling both his fire and ice in harmony—every time he tried, one would overpower the other, leaving him frustrated and drained.

“You can do this, Shoto,” Y/N’s soft voice echoed around him, though no one else could hear it. She stood beside him, her glitchy wings fluttering faintly. “Remember what I told you—balance comes from within, not from force.”

Shoto clenched his fists, his mind torn between his two halves. “It’s not that easy,” he muttered, the cold creeping up his right side as the heat flared on his left. “I’ve tried everything.”

Y/N stepped closer, her presence soothing. “You’ve been fighting against yourself, trying to control the elements instead of embracing them. You’re not just fire or ice—you’re both. Let them coexist, like two parts of a whole.”

He looked at her, her figure flickering slightly, but her eyes steady and full of belief. For a moment, the doubts that had always plagued him—the fear of becoming like his father, the resentment of using his fire—began to fade. In their place, a new resolve took root.

Closing his eyes, Shoto took a deep breath, letting go of the tension in his body. He visualized the two elements not as enemies, but as partners. The cold was his calm, his clarity; the heat was his passion, his drive. Together, they were his strength.

Slowly, he extended both hands, letting the ice and fire flow naturally, meeting at the center. Instead of fighting for dominance, they intertwined, swirling in harmony. The air around him crackled with energy, but it was controlled, purposeful.

When he opened his eyes, the training dummies in front of him were frozen solid, with delicate patterns of frost etched into their surfaces. At the same time, a thin line of fire traced through the ice, splitting them in two with precision.

He exhaled, a sense of relief and accomplishment washing over him. For the first time, he felt at peace with his powers—not as separate entities, but as parts of who he was.

Y/N smiled, her wings shimmering brighter for a moment. “See? I knew you could do it.”

Shoto turned to her, his heart swelling with gratitude. “I wouldn’t have done it without you, Y/N. You’ve helped me more than you know.”

Her smile turned wistful, and she reached out, her hand brushing his, though he couldn’t feel the touch. “I’m just here to remind you of what you already have inside, Shoto. You’ve always had this strength—you just needed to believe in it.”

As she began to fade once more, Shoto felt a pang of loss, but also a deep sense of connection. She might not always be visible, but her influence, her belief in him, would remain.

“Thank you,” he whispered, watching as she disappeared into the air, leaving behind a warmth that lingered in his heart.

And as he stood there, alone but not lonely, Shoto knew he would carry her guidance with him, wherever he went.

One afternoon during a class sparring session, Shoto paused mid-battle, his gaze flickering to where Y/N stood by the wall, her wings glitching and shimmering. He hesitated, just long enough for his opponent to land a hit that sent him sprawling.

“Erm.. Todoroki, what’s been going on with you?” Midoriya asked as he helped him up, concern etched on his face.

Shoto shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. “It’s nothing. I just... got distracted.”

But it wasn’t nothing, and it wasn’t just distraction. His classmates had started to notice how often he seemed to be talking to himself, how his gaze would drift to empty spaces as if someone was there. The whispers began—quiet, anxious murmurs about whether Todoroki Shoto, the stoic and powerful student, was losing his mind.

One evening, as Shoto sat alone in the common room, Y/N appeared beside him, her wings flickering more than usual. She looked concerned, her brows furrowing as she studied him.

“They’re worried about you,” she said softly, her voice almost a whisper.

He sighed, leaning back against the couch. “They think I’m crazy. That I’m talking to myself.”

Y/N’s expression grew pained, and she knelt beside him, her hand hovering just above his. “You’re not crazy, Shoto. You’re just... different. They don’t understand because they can’t see what you see.”

He turned to look at her, his heart heavy with confusion. “But why can’t they see you? Why am I the only one?”

Y/N hesitated, her wings glitching wildly for a moment before settling down. “Because you’re special,” she repeated, her voice barely audible. “But the reason... it’s something you have to discover on your own.”

Shoto’s life became a strange balance between the reality his classmates lived in and the world he shared with Y/N. He spent more time alone, retreating into the quiet places of the school where he could talk to her without worrying about the stares and whispers.

The common room buzzed with the usual after-school chatter, but Shoto sat apart from the others, seemingly engrossed in his own world. Y/N was sitting beside him on the couch, her glitchy wings softly flickering in and out of view. They were deep in conversation, her voice a soothing presence amid the noise.

“You’re making great progress,” Y/N said with a gentle smile, her wings briefly flickering out before reappearing. “But remember, don’t push yourself too hard.”

Shoto nodded, his expression thoughtful. “I know. It’s just... there’s still so much I need to work on.”

“Who are you talking to?”

The sudden question pulled Shoto out of his conversation. He looked up to find Midoriya and Iida standing in front of him, both wearing identical expressions of concern.

Shoto blinked, momentarily disoriented. “What?”

“You’ve been sitting here, talking to... someone,” Midoriya said, glancing around the empty space beside Shoto. “But there’s no one here.”

Iida adjusted his glasses, his tone serious. “We’ve noticed this happening a lot recently, Todoroki. You seem to be having conversations with thin air. Is everything alright?”

Shoto hesitated, glancing at Y/N, who watched the exchange with a sad, knowing smile. He knew they couldn’t see her, couldn’t understand the connection he had with the angel that only he could perceive. But how could he explain it to them without sounding crazy?

“I... it’s nothing,” Shoto finally said, his voice quiet but firm. “Just... thinking out loud.”

Midoriya exchanged a worried look with Iida. “Todoroki, we’re your friends. If something’s bothering you, you can tell us.”

Shoto appreciated their concern, but he knew they wouldn’t understand. How could they? Y/N was a part of his reality that was invisible to everyone else, and he wasn’t ready to let go of the comfort she brought him.

“I’m fine,” Shoto insisted, a little more forcefully this time. “Really.”

Midoriya frowned but nodded slowly. “Okay. But if you ever need to talk, we’re here for you.”

With that, the two walked away, leaving Shoto alone once more. He let out a quiet sigh, turning back to Y/N, who was now watching him with a soft, almost apologetic expression.

“They’re worried about you,” she said gently.

“I know,” Shoto replied, his voice tinged with frustration. “But they wouldn’t understand.”

Y/N’s wings flickered as she leaned closer, her presence a comforting weight against the confusion swirling in his mind. “You’re not alone, Shoto. As long as you believe in me, I’ll be here, even if no one else can see me.”

Shoto nodded, feeling a sense of calm return. No matter what his classmates thought, as long as he had Y/N by his side, he knew he could face whatever challenges lay ahead.

But the more time they spent together, the more Y/N’s wings glitched, and the more fragmented her presence became. Sometimes she would fade entirely, only to reappear moments later, her form flickering like a faulty video feed.

“Something’s wrong,” Shoto said one day as they sat together on the roof of the school, the sky darkening into twilight. “Your wings... they’re not supposed to do that, are they?”

Y/N looked at him, her eyes filled with a sadness he couldn’t quite understand. “No, they’re not,” she admitted. “But it’s because... I’m not meant to be here. Not like this.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, his heart tightening at the thought of losing her.

She sighed, her wings fluttering weakly. “I was sent to guide you, Shoto. But the more time I spend here, the more unstable I become. It’s because... I’m not supposed to get too close.”

Shoto’s breath caught in his throat. “Too close?”

Y/N nodded, looking away as if ashamed. “I’m not supposed to feel the way I do. Angels aren’t meant to emotionally attach themselves with the people they watch over. It makes us... vulnerable.”

Shoto stared at her, the weight of her words sinking in. “But what if I feel the same way? What if... I don’t want you to leave?”

She looked at him, her eyes filled with tears. “Shoto, if I stay, I might disappear completely. But if I go, you’ll be alone again.”

“I don’t care,” he said, his voice firm. “I’d rather have you with me, even if it’s just for a little while longer.”

Y/N’s wings flickered, the light from them dimming slightly as she leaned closer to him. “Then I’ll stay,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “For as long as I can.”

As the days turned into weeks, Y/N’s presence became more fragile. Her wings, once vibrant and full of light, now glitched constantly, sometimes fading entirely for moments at a time. But despite this, she stayed by Shoto’s side, guiding him, comforting him, and helping him find strength in himself that he never knew he had.

But the price for her closeness was becoming too much to bear. Her energy was fading, and every day, she grew weaker. Shoto could see it, but he didn’t know how to stop it.

One night, as they stood together under the stars, Y/N’s wings began to glitch so badly that they flickered out entirely, leaving her looking almost human. She gasped, clutching at her chest as if in pain.

“Y/N!” Shoto reached out to her, his heart pounding with fear. “What’s happening?”

“I’m losing my connection,” she said, her voice strained. “If I stay any longer... I might disappear forever.”

He shook his head, panic rising in his chest. “No, you can’t. I need you, Y/N. Please, don’t leave me.”

Tears streamed down her face as she looked at him, her heart breaking. “Shoto, I love you. But if I stay, I’ll be gone forever. I need to go back, to regain my strength. But I promise... I’ll always be with you, even if you can’t see me.”

He stared at her, desperation in his eyes. “But how will I know you’re still there?”

She smiled through her tears, her form flickering like a dying flame. “You’ll feel it, Shoto. In your heart. I’ll always be with you, guiding you from afar. You just have to believe.”

And with that, she began to fade, her body dissolving into the night air, leaving only a soft, glowing light where she had been.

Shoto reached out, trying to grasp the light, but it slipped through his fingers, leaving him alone in the darkness.

Shoto Todoroki stood on the roof of U.A. High, gazing out at the horizon as the first rays of dawn broke through the darkness. It had been weeks since Y/N had disappeared, but he could still feel her presence, a gentle warmth in his heart that hadn’t been there before.

His classmates had stopped whispering, and the rumors about his sanity had faded away. But Shoto knew that Y/N had been real, that her love had been real. And though she was gone, she had left him with a gift—the strength to believe in himself, and the hope that one day, they would be together again.

As he closed his eyes, he felt a soft breeze brush against his cheek, he felt a soft breeze brush against his cheek, as if Y/N's presence was lingering in the air around him. He looked up at the sky, the dawn breaking with hues of pink and gold. The world seemed brighter, more vibrant, and he knew it was because of her.

Shoto had changed. The ice that once encased his heart had thawed, replaced by a warmth he hadn’t felt before. He no longer felt alone, even when he was by himself. Y/N's love had left an imprint on him, one that would guide him through the rest of his life.

As he turned to head back inside, a familiar glimmer caught his eye—a soft, fluttering light that seemed to be dancing on the edge of his vision. He smiled, feeling a sense of peace wash over him.

“I’ll keep believing,” he whispered to the wind. “I’ll keep our promise.”

And so, with Y/N’s love and guidance forever etched into his heart, Shoto Todoroki continued his journey, stronger and more hopeful than ever before. Though the world might never see her, he knew that she would always be with him, a silent guardian in the shadows of his life.

The classroom was quiet, the afternoon light streaming through the windows as the students settled into their seats. Shoto sat at his desk, his gaze distant as he replayed the conversation he’d had with Midoriya the day before.

“Midoriya,” Shoto had asked, his voice low and hesitant. “Have you ever wanted something so badly, but you know it can’t happen? Like… it’s impossible?”

Midoriya had looked up from his notebook, his expression thoughtful. “Yeah, I think everyone’s felt that way at some point. But… have you ever heard of manifestation?”

Shoto frowned. “Manifestation?”

“It’s the idea that if you focus on something hard enough, if you really believe in it, you can bring it into reality. I know it sounds strange, but sometimes, what we think is impossible can become possible if we put enough energy into it.”

Shoto had nodded, filing the idea away in the back of his mind. That night, as he lay in bed, he tried to concentrate on Y/N, her smile, her voice, the way her wings flickered in and out. He willed her to come back, to be real again, with every fiber of his being.

But now, a week later, there had been no sign of her. He was beginning to lose hope, wondering if he’d just imagined everything—if Y/N was truly gone.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sudden, loud entrance of Kaminari, who burst through the classroom door with his phone in hand, grinning from ear to ear.

“Guys, you’ve gotta check this out!” Kaminari exclaimed, waving his phone around as he approached the group gathered near the front of the room. “There’s this new VR game that just came out, and it’s insane! You can actually talk to angels in it—like, full-on conversations and everything!”

Shoto’s heart skipped a beat. He turned in his seat, watching as Kaminari pulled up the game on his phone, showing the others. On the screen, an angel with glitchy wings floated, her face eerily familiar to Shoto, though he knew it wasn’t exactly her.

“It’s so realistic,” Mina said, leaning in to get a better look. “You can customize everything—their voice, their appearance… It’s like they’re really there with you.”

Kaminari nodded excitedly. “Yeah, and it’s not just that. The angels remember things, like conversations you’ve had before, and they even give advice based on what you tell them. It’s wild!”

As his classmates crowded around Kaminari’s phone, laughing and talking about the game, Shoto felt a strange mix of emotions. Was this the result of his attempts at manifestation? Had he somehow brought Y/N back, but only in a digital form that anyone could access?

The idea left him feeling both hopeful and hollow. She wasn’t truly back, but a part of her seemed to linger in this new, unexpected way. Maybe this was the universe’s answer to his longing, a reminder that even though some things couldn’t happen exactly as he wanted, they could still find a way to exist.

He wasn’t sure what to do with this realization, but as he watched his classmates interact with the virtual angel, Shoto couldn’t help but feel a bittersweet comfort. Perhaps, in some small way, Y/N was still with him—just not in the way he had hoped.

Late that night, Shoto sat in his dimly lit room, the quiet hum of the VR console filling the space. The headset felt heavy in his hands as he hesitated, staring at the screen that prompted him to begin. He knew it wouldn’t truly be her, but the thought of seeing Y/N’s face again, even in a digital form, was enough to make his heart ache with anticipation.

With a deep breath, he slipped the headset over his eyes and powered on the game. The world around him dissolved into a soft glow, and slowly, the environment began to take shape—a serene, ethereal garden, bathed in the light of a setting sun. The colors were warm, golden hues blending with soft greens, and in the center of it all stood the figure he had longed to see.

Y/N was there, her glitchy wings gently fluttering, casting a shimmering light that reflected off the virtual petals around her. She turned to face him, a familiar smile gracing her lips.

“Hello, Shoto,” she greeted, her voice exactly as he remembered—soft, soothing, and filled with warmth. “It’s been a while.”

Shoto’s breath caught in his throat. Even though he knew she wasn’t real, the sight of her, so vivid and alive, made it difficult to hold back his emotions. He took a step closer, his heart pounding in his chest.

“I… I wasn’t sure if this would work,” he confessed, his voice trembling slightly. “But I needed to see you again. Even if it’s just like this.”

Y/N’s smile remained gentle as she tilted her head slightly, her eyes filled with a kindness that seemed to pierce through the digital façade. “I’m here now, Shoto. And I’m glad you found me.”

Shoto swallowed hard, trying to keep his composure. “It’s not the same,” he whispered. “But… it’s better than nothing.”

The angel in front of him nodded, her wings flickering slightly as she moved closer. “I may not be exactly as you remember,” she said, her tone understanding, “but I’m here to help you, just like before.”

Shoto reached out a hand, hesitating just before his fingers could touch her. He knew it would feel cold, artificial—nothing like the warmth he associated with her—but the gesture alone gave him some comfort.

“Can you still… guide me?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Y/N’s expression softened, her wings fluttering with a faint glow. “Of course,” she replied, her voice reassuring. “I’ll always be here for you, Shoto. Just like before.”

And as Shoto stood there, bathed in the gentle light of the virtual garden, he allowed himself to believe, just for a moment, that this was real—that she was real. In this world, she could exist again, even if only in pixels and code.

It wasn’t the same as having her by his side in reality, but it was a connection nonetheless—a way to hold onto the part of her that had helped him through his darkest times. And for now, that was enough.

[energievie]

My personal tradition over the past three years has been to answer this set of questions because it was fun to see which answers had changed and which ones stayed the same. This year I'm switching it up, so if you guys - and ANYONE else, for that matter - would like to play, please go ahead ☺️ Blank set of questions under the tag.

Tagging @suzy-queued @gallawitchxx @roryonic @blue-disco-lights @look-i-love-u @theprinceandagcd @sparklepocalypse @sam-loves-seb @lupeloto @wehangout @firenati0n @callivich @ian-galagher @celeritas2997 @alexclrmontdiaz @deathclassic @palepinkgoat @whatthebodygraspsnot @mmmichyyy @deathclassic @em-harlsnow @catgrassplantdad @crossmydna @isabellehemlock @laviejaguardia @sindirimba @notherenewjersey @asamandra @whatthebodygraspsnot @ms-moonlight-inn @transmurderbug @twinklyylights @kiwiana-writes @darlingian @sgtmickeyslaughter @creepkinginc @burninface @jrooc @lingy910y @mybrainismelted and ANYONE else who'd like to play 😎

1. How many words have you written this year?

39,154 (excluding Galladrabbles, WIPs and the story for the Masquerade).

2. How many works did you publish this year?

Including the story for the Masquerade that will get posted by the end of the week, 15.

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Retrograde - a Firstprince AU where they're both immortal and only realise it a century and a half later, when they meet again completely by accident. I just stumbled upon the prompt and I couldn't get it out of my head.

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

Ready for this to be (Firstprince, college AU) - almost 5.7k hits. It probably helps that it was posted back in January 😝

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Waiting for Magic - simply because there's no pairing and I wrote it over 3 years ago for what was supposed to be a collab that eventually fell through. It's for The Old Guard, centred on one character and his alternate origin story and I wasn't expecting anyone to even leave a kudos, let alone comment.

6. Favorite title you used.

Either "Watch out for me" or "With our backs against the world" - can't really decide 😅

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

My go-to has always been Glass Animals but funnily enough, this year there aren't two fics with titles from the same artist 😅

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Firstprince - I'm in a phase 😜

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

Yeah, no, not playing favourites. If I write for it, it means I love it.

10. What work was the quickest to write?

A matter of time (The Gentlemen (series), post-canon), my entry for Level Up! Granted, it's only 1.2k words but I remember just breezing through it.

11. What work took you the longest to write?

Probably Swimmin' in my mind (Siena dream) - it's among the longest and it was also part of the Gallavich Gift Exchange, so I paid closer attention to a lot of aspects I normally disregard because I wanted it to be as close to perfect as possible.

12. How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year?

Four, theoretically, though one of them is just two fragments of dialogue.

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

Swimmin' in my mind (Siena dream), at a whopping 6,649 words 😅

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

Excluding all Galladrabbles, With our backs against the world, at exactly 900 words.

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

Definitely a Firstprince one-shot that's a sort of sequel for the first story I ever wrote for this pairing and which I'm planning to post for the Hey, Sweetheart event.

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Getting Together ❤️

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

Henry - he's such a fascinating character, made up of a whole slew of contradictions.

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Henry 😅 Despite my ease at slipping into formal and very formal English, his voice felt really intimidating at first and made me second-guess all my sentences and turns of phrase.

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

I don't know, tbh. The Old Guard 2 is coming out, so there's a high chance I revisit my roots (i.e. Book of Nile and Kaysanova) but honestly, anything might draw my attention enough for me to want to write a story.

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

Retrograde - see above 😁 It's part of the triad (together with a Gallavich story and a TOG one).

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

3,616 🥰

22. Which work has the most comments?

Watch out for me - 23 😁

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

Nope, not this year.

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

Yes - Swimmin' in my mind (Siena dream) was for the Gallavich Gift Exchange.

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

Yup, from the lovely @dynamic-power for the same event ❤️

26. What’s your most common category?

Friends to lovers 😁

27. What do you listen to while writing?

White noise, exclusively.

28. Favorite work you wrote this year?

How many times can I mention Retrograde without turning into a broken record? 😆

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Mm, this one's so difficult! I'll say... this exchange from And let us fall:

‘How come you've never asked me out?’

Crash. Reboot.

‘I'm sorry?’

‘You should be,’ Alex chuckles somewhat humourlessly. ‘You can't possibly think I'd have said no.’

Suddenly, what's going on here? seems incredibly appropriate.

‘Alex, if this is your idea of a joke–’

‘Not in a million years, sweetheart!’ he murmurs and Henry is too tipsy himself to hold back the gasp and the shudder and the way his suddenly-too-dry throat clicks when he swallows.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

College AUs - hadn't written any before this year and now I find it very hard to stop because I've completely fallen in love 😅

---

How many words have you written this year?

How many works did you publish this year?

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

What work of yours has the most hits?

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Favorite title you used.

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

What work was the quickest to write?

What work took you the longest to write?

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

What’s your longest work of the year?

What’s your shortest work of the year?

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Your favorite character to write this year?

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

Which work has the most comments?

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

Did you write any gifts this year?

Did you receive any gifts this year?

What’s your most common category?

What do you listen to while writing?

Favorite work you wrote this year?

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

[antiv3nom]

Bedman (Romeo)

omg havent had an excuse to talk abt bedman in a hot minute thank u anon...

favorite thing about them:

i love the tragedy of his story arc... that feels like a weird thing to say but its the first thing that came to mind! just. look. the road to hell paved with good intentions bit taken to the extreme really works here!!! the idea that he remembered the name of every person he ever killed because he was under the impression he could bring them all back, only to have the rug pulled from under him? hurts me! in the best way!!!

other than that i do enjoy his design, both romeo himself and the bed :] i wanna give my bedman cosplay another try sometime for sure, it didnt work out for various reasons but i have most of the components and would enjoy cosplaying him fr in the future

least favorite thing about them:

i think i dont really dislike anything about the way bedman is written in the source material strongly enough to point it out here? i think my main gripe is the way the fandom treats him to either extreme, like theres "bedman did nothing wrong ever" people and "bedman is horrific" people and i wish both camps would chill out and recognize hes like. a complex character? but i do think most people do this already which i can appreciate

favorite line:

im a little obsessed w his win line against may in xrd

"I do not understand humans who are motivated by love. A person is born, lives for a number of years, and interacts with up to eight billion people. What proof is there of something they can't even define?"

bc like. buddy. you dont even realize it. YOURE driven by love. all this shit wasnt just for yourself but it was for delilah too!!! fuck!!! you dont even see it as love you see it as necessary because shes that important to you!!! and dont even get me STARTED on the bed in strive and how its still running because of his last minute code additions which almost act as the last part of his will to protect delilah. GAHHHH

brOTP:

BEDMAN AND AXL INTERACTIONS. PLEASE. PLEASE. their dynamic is so interesting as characters with such fascinating ways of interacting with the world...gah. GAH. and no one fucking talks about it!!!

OTP:

sinbed. must i wlabo.

ok but i will, im not as into them as i was like a year ago but i still do really enjoy their dynamic. sin being such a beacon of hope and being so willing to see people as good contrasted with a post-xrd living bedman (bc all my sinbed stuff exists within au but im having fun out here so sue me) seeing himself as inherently evil due to his actions despite his intentions and believing no one would ever care for him? it hits for me

nOTP:

i dont know of anything off the top of my head that ive seen for him??? nothing prevalent at least.

actually on second thought i think ive seen like one instance of bedman and ram in a romantic sense, and that im not a fan of but i guess i could see the appeal, just not my thing

random headcanon:

this motherfucker would have gotten heated in some internet forums or wiki talk pages, DEDICATED to accuracy out here and he WILL fight you about it

unpopular opinion:

not entirely certain i have one? i think the "bedman while flawed is not actually a terrible person and was doing his best given his extremely fucked up circumstances" is a pretty cool take by this point for most people

i think the only thing i have is that my interpretation of bedman has always been as like a young adult rather than a kid but like i dont really have a concrete opinion on that and i totally understand people who do see him as a kid like its entirely understandable to do so

song i associate with them:

other than his character themes, its GOTTA be dramaturgy by eve, which just. it gives the vibes. read the english lyrics it will make sense i prommy

favorite image of them:

THE EEPER...

OTHER than this one its more an animation but his 6p in xrd is so silly i love it so bad...and for a more serious option his instant kill is really cool

[uwudonoodle]

Get to know you game.

(I started a new post because the last one got really long.) Thanks for tagging me @hurricane105

Favorite color: Minty green (as seen in my profile), also, emerald green, and sometimes dusty pink.

Last song you listened to (with Lyrics): U is such an engaging challenge to sing. I haven't quite mastered it yet, but I love it. The English dub singer is very talented.

Last song you listened to (instrumental): From Season 4 of The Dragon Prince. It's the saddest, most beautiful cello! 🥲

Last book you read: Currently in the middle of the last book in Brandon Sanderson's Skyward series (Defiant). I fell hard for this story and it's tiny, angry protagonist (I love you Spensa). I also just finished The Stepford Wives for my book club (a short interesting read).

Last fic you read: Does my own count? I have such a big chunk written now, that sometimes I like to go back and reread bits I haven't seen in months. Just for fun, or for comfort, to know that I still enjoy what I wrote, so hopefully others will too. I'm not currently reading too many other fics, I'm trying to concentrate on my own.

Last movie you watched: The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar. It's a short film (40 minutes) by Wes Anderson based on a Roald Dahl story. It was, of course, quirky and unique. I liked it. It's on Netflix.

Last TV show you watched: The Investigation. It's a Danish miniseries (subtitled). It's a fictionalized version of a true crime case where a man murdered a woman journalist on his personal submarine. I'd never seen a Danish show before. I liked that it didn't show any of the violence (because it was gruesome), just the human impact the case had. It was interesting to see how their court system differs from ours.

Do you prefer sweet / spicy / or savory: Probably savory... can I add sour to that? I buy so many lemons every week to cook with.

Relationship status: Happily married (no children). I adore my husband! Kissing him is my favorite. (If you're ever wondering what my inspiration is for my romance writing.)

Last thing I Googled: "Funny attempts at flirting" I was working on a scene for my fic and got stuck. I think I finally figured it out though (thank you reddit).

Current obsession: Baking. I went almost a decade with an oven that barely worked. The oven in my new apartment is awesome. So now I'm buying cake mixes, looking up recipes for biscuits and scones, and I'm thinking of making a foccacia cast iron pizza for Valentine's Day.

A thing I'm looking forward to: My new apartment has a little flower bed on the porch. I've been looking at flower seed catalogs, even though it's still covered in snow right now.

I'm tagging @glitterbuns @3-frogs-in-a-suit @that-vexaholic-cryptid

Only do it if it sounds fun to you. If I missed anyone that would like to participate, consider yourself nominated.