#i had to cut it short or i'd just keep rambling

[exghul]

swords dance ; because we know he uses a sword, but what was he trained with? what styles, what bladed weapons?

SWORDS, KNIVES, AND GUNS, OH MY! i've already meta-ed on damian's routines growing up revolving around guns, and his extensive knowledge of them. pistols, rifles, anti-aircraft weapons, you name it, he can use it.

blades, however, is quite a longer list. on his person, he always carries a dagger. for the life of me, i can't find the post where i mentioned it before but he carries one gifted to him by talia. my particulars on it might vary depending on what i had headcanoned but for the sake of my own sanity, we'll call it a tantō for now. tantōs are a traditional blade held by samurai in feudal japan, it typically has a length between 5.9 and 11.8 inches. damian's is a double edged dagger that heralds 7 inches. talia acquired one for him in her time in tokyo --- she gave it to him at some point when he was young and he's carried it since. it rarely sees use given his sentimental attachment to it but in desperate situations, it's always in his hand.

dc (and me, i'm not absolved of this lol) often refers to damian's sword as a katana but it would be more accurate to describe it as a dao, a traditional chinese sword that appears in similar build to a katana. there are many variations of dao, damian has trained with them all. his sword that he takes with him as robin for the transitional period between al ghul and wayne is a yaodao which can be described as "a single-sided long knife worn around the waist, also called a short knife". at average, a yaodao is 29 inches in full length, making it just about 2 1/2 feet ( or over half of damian's height when he wielded it ). he trained with every type of dao and talia ensured that her son knew the differences between each: including the appropriate times to use each. as it is a shorter blade with a straight edge, the yaodao is the best fitting his stature.

outside of his two constants ( and their variations over the years ), damian has trained with european shortswords, hook swords, kodachi, katanas, basket hilted swords ( though not for long, as he struggled to get a good hand grip with them ), dao, claymores ( too heavy in general, spent the least amount of time with these ), scimitars, khopesh, rapiers, and shamshirs.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT QUESTIONS -- ACCEPTING ! @starignite ♥

[evie-sturns]

period - 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗼

summary: you unexpectedly get your period after spending the night with chris, he does everything he can to make you feel better.

contains: mentions of blood, fluff, crying, swearing.

----------------┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐------------———

chris and i have been dating for almost two months, i sleep over at his house often though, including last night.

9:46am

i'm rudely awakened by frantic tapping on my shoulder, i rub my eyes and roll over where i'm met with chris's distraught face. "hm..?" i groan out.

"y/n, are you okay" chris rambles, his vision flicks between my eyes and the matress.

"what..?" i mumble, my vision is still partially blurred from the sudden wake up.

"you're bleeding" chris says quietly, swallowing harshly.

i sit up, the matress is dotted with blood, along with the small pyjama set i wore last night.

my period has always been irregular, ever since i was about 12. i'd never know when it would come but i would just deal with it when it did.

my stomach sinks, my cheeks instantly flush from embarrassment, this is the kind of thing thats meant to happen 2 years into your relationship, not 2 months.

my eyes start to burn, im already an emotional person but now that this has just happened i don't think i can physically be okay.

"im so sorry chris." i say, my voice breaking.

chris clears his throat, i can tell he's slightly awkward about this.

the silence in the room grows, but is quickly cut short by a sob coming from me. chris's head snaps round to look at me, "oh fuck-.. no its okay!"

he gets out of bed, without a second thought he leans over the matress and picks me up in a bridal position. he speed walks to the bathroom, "look at me." chris says calmly as i cry into his shoulder, i tilt my head up and lock eyes with him. "don't cry sweetheart, it doesn't matter to me."

i nod with a sniffle, he places me down on two feet. "you wanna get in the bath?" chris says gently.

"yeah.." i say, my voice still wobbling.

i stand still with my hands by my side vulnerably. "you want me to.." chris whispers, keeping his eyes locked on mine. "if you dont mind.." i reply.

he reaches his hand out and peels my tank top off of my body, along with my shorts. he does it so nonchalantly its impressive.

chris has only seen me naked once, which was only a week or so ago after our first hookup.

he flicks the bath on, putting his finger under the stream to check the temperature before lifting me up and placing me down.

chris bends over and picks up the pyjamas, before leaving the bathroom, closing the door behind him. i throw my head back as soon as he goes "how did this happen." i groan to myself.

-

about 10 minutes has passed, the whole time i've just been trying to calm myself, crying about this isn't gonna make it any less embarrassing for me.

my head snaps to the side as i hear 2 soft knocks on the wooden door, "come in" i say with a forced smile, chris peeks his head round the corner with a sympathetic look. hes got a freshly folded pair of sweatpants and a hoodie in his arms, which he places down on the sink. "you okay?" he asks casually, sitting down on the side of the tub.

"i mean, i'm okay as i can be right now!" i smile warmly up at chris,

he reaches into his pocket and clears his throat "i found this downstairs, i think one of nick's friends left it here-..uh" chris murmmers, pulling a tampon out of his pocket.

"thank you chris, honestly i'm sorry about being a pain." i sigh, chris shakes his head "no you're good, promise."

"just gonna go make the bed, yeah?" chris sits up off the tub and walks out of the bathroom.

-

after getting myself together i open the door to the bedroom, chris is sitting on the bed, laying the pillows out strategically. i feel like a kid thats just thrown up, staring at my parent who just had to bathe me and clean the sheets.

he stands up and runs over to me full force, grabbing me around my waist and picking me up, earning a high pitched squeal from me. "chris!!" i screech as he flops down on the bed with me still in his arms.

"what can i actually do to repay you." i whisper into chris's chest.

"give me some awesome head next week."

"christopher."

----------------┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐------------———

[thebearer]

PLEASEEEE write about carmy trying to put a baby in reader 🙏🙏🙏

minors dni 18+ also i'm doing two versions of this, this is just the first one since i had another ask for this lol

Carmen barely looked up, seeing you walk through the swinging doors back into the restaurant. Normally, he'd be worried that you were here, coming in unannounced before the dinner rush, his mind would race and tell him something was wrong. Today he knew better, he knew exactly why you were here.

"Hey, Sydney." Carmen muttered, scraping the prepped vegetables into the container, his eyes locking with yours. "I need you to cover for me, Chef."

"Ok..." Sydney muttered, looking from you and Carmen. "Are you good, Chef?"

"What? Yeah, no, yeah. I-I'm good. I just... Gotta order some stuff, and-and I just got a lot of office stuff I need to do." Carmen rambled, cheeks heating with each stammered word.

Sydney was suspect, especially with the way you were looking at each other, but she shrugged it off. "I got it, Chef." She nodded, checking off his prep on her clipboard.

"Good. Uh, if you need me just uh, knock and I'll come out." Carmen nodded, ignoring how her face contorted into disgust, practically sprinting to his office.

You were already waiting inside, dropping your purse on the couch, eyeing Carmen hungrily when he shut the door, twisting the lock behind him. "We don't have long." Carmen muttered, tearing off his apron.

"I don't need long." You hummed, pushing your shorts to the ground, letting them puddle around your ankles.

"You gotta be quiet, baby." Carmen looked at you, eyes glued on your puffy lips, drooling and teasing him when you bent over the couch, nose practically touching the wall.

"I can't promise that." You grinned, looking over your shoulder at him. "Hurry up, Berzatto. Before they need you. I need you."

Carmen snorted, palming himself through his boxers, shuffled steps over towards you with one last look over his shoulder. "I got ya, honey." He muttered, pulling himself out and stroking his length. "You sure this is supposed to work?"

"They said as much as possible when you're ovulating." You huffed, wiggling impatiently. You and Carmen had decided to try for a baby, ditching your birth control only last month. Truthfully, you were using the baby making as an excuse to fuck as much as possible, not that you needed much of one when you were ovulating.

"Never thought I'd hear you complain about having sex." You grinned.

Carmen snorted lightly, letting the head of his cock glide between your folds. "Not complaining." He muttered, teasing your entrance gently. "Never complain, baby."

You started to reply, a sharp, witty reply on the tip of your tongue, cut short by him sinking inside you, pushing into you with one long stroke, stretching you out for him. You gasped, pushing your head into your hands, hopeful to muffle the sound coming out of you.

Carmen's hand sunk into your waist, gripping the fat of your hip to bring you back to him, hips rocking slow and steady against yours, the sound of skin slapping skin one he hoped was muffled through the thick walls.

"Fuck, baby, you feel good. So fuckin' good." Carmen grunted lowly, fingers curling around your hip, jaw clenched to keep himself from groaning.

"Oh! That's the spot, Carm, fuck." You whined, back arching further at one particularly hard thrust, jamming that sweet spot inside of you that had your vision blurring, mind blanking in pleasure.

"Shh, be quiet, baby." Carmen hushed, leaning forward, one hand propped on the wall beside you. "Gotta be quiet. Can't let them- shit- can't let them know what we're doin'."

Carmen's hands curled around your waist, cradling your lower belly, feeling the way it flexed when you clenched around him. He could see it, see you all swollen and big with the baby- his baby. The baby he put inside you. It made Carmen's teeth grit, fucking you harder and harder with a new found vigor, a free hand covering your mouth to muffle your cries.

"Can't let them know I'm fuckin' a baby into you." Carmen rasped, hot breath tickling your ear, leaving you shivering. "Gonna put a baby right in here, hm? That's what you want right?"

"Yes." You whined, tears pricking your eyes. He was making you feel so good.

"You want a baby? Want me to give you a baby, huh?" Carmen growled, his hips snapping further and further, pinning you against the couch.

"Please, Carm. Please gimme a baby." You cried, letting your head fall back against his.

"Since you asked so nicely." Carmen smirked, hips snapping up into yours. "Shit, I- you close? You close, baby?"

You nodded, reaching to move his hand, pushing it further until it was cupping your mound. Carmen got the hint, pinching and rolling your clit until you were gasping and writhing in pleasure, his free hand cupping your mouth while his thrusts got sloppier around you.

Carmen pulled you back, pressing on your spine so you were face first into the couch, ass up and high for him while he pounded into you, chest pressed to your spine, until he was spilling inside of you. Pressed so he was flush to your ass, Carmen emptied his load, hot and filling deep inside of you.

"Hang on, hold on," Carmen muttered when you started to move, hands pressing softly to your side. "I didn't... Fuck, we didn't think this one through. You gotta put your legs up, right?"

You nodded, eyes still glossy, skin still flushed and glowing. Carmen snatched the pillow from the other side, setting it in front of you. "Ok, I'm gonna pull out, and I'm gonna catch it, ok? You just, you lay down. Hips on the pillow."

Carmen pulled out slow, pointer and middle finger catching any dribbling release, pushing them back inside you. You whimpered at the sensation, still sensitive, while you moved to lie on the pillow, his fingers still inside you, propping your legs up on the edge of the couch.

"Shit, I forgot a towel. Fuck, let me just, uh, let me go grab one-"

"-'s alright, Carmen." You hummed, looking at him through fluttering lashes that made his heart skip. "I'll just keep it in. The longer the better."

Carmen tried not to gawk, but he knew he was given away by the rise in his cheeks, heat flushing his skin. His groin ached, a dull throb that had him twitching with heat at the idea. "O-Ok." Carmen muttered, pulling his pants up fastening his jeans.

"Let me grab your clothes, baby, I'll put them on for you." Carmen muttered sweetly, gently putting your panties and shorts on, trying to keep your body as still as possible.

Later, the two of you were walking hand in hand into family, giggly and touchy- you could feel him leaking out of you with every step. It made your tummy trill with heat.

"This smells good." You grinned, eyes batting up at Carmen.

"Yeah? I'll get you a plate. Don't worry 'bout it." Carmen muttered, nodding towards a seat for you.

The room had stilled, eyes on the two of you, suspicious and a little questioning. Carmen looked around, blue eyes darting furiously.

"Oh no fuckin' way." Richie cackled, breaking the silence in the room. "Cousin, no way-"

"What? What are you-"

"-Look at you! Both of you!" Richie leaned back, clapping his hands in laughter. "You're sick, cousin. Sick!"

You blushed, the snickers from Fak and Sweeps, the knowing glances from the others. Carmen blushed furiously, glaring at Richie fiercely. Tina smirked, shrugging when she looked at you.

"I'm sure this building's seen worse with Mikey." She muttered.

"That obvious?" You mumbled, looking around the room, shrinking into your seat.

"A little. You got the glow, honey. At least that's a good thing." Tina grinned, nudging you gently.

When you announced your pregnancy three months later, the entire staff swore baby Berzatto was conceived in the office. "Right there, on that fuckin' couch, cousin!"

[mytheoristavenue]

Day 8-

OP Vinsmoke Sanji x Reader - Winter Proposal

Summary: While walking through a snowy farmer's market, Sanji asks you an important question.

Warning: pure fluff, very short/rushed

You smiled to yourself, inhaling the aroma coming off of the disposable cup of hot chocolate in your hands. The foam dish warmed your fingertips as you took a sip, waiting for Sanji to finish up at a fish stand. Just then, he glanced back up to see you waiting, and cut his interaction with the fisherman short, before tucking what he'd ought into a wicker basket.

"Sorry, I just had to," he said sheepishly. "I haven't seen this kinda stuff since I left the East Blue. It was one our signature dishes on the Baratie, you're gonna love it-" You could hardly keep track of him when he got like this, rambling on about food and ingredients and the different was they can be used.

"I'm sure I will," you giggled. "I love anything you make."

Sanji suddenly fell nearly silent as his stare fell downcast. "I know you do..." he muttered under his breath. The truth was, you weren't a very picky eater, he could serve you rotten salad with wilted lettuce and you'd eat it. You were never wasteful or gluttonous like other people he knew. If he ever made something experimental that nobody liked, he could always count on you to give him a five star rating.

"What's the matter?" you asked, tilting your head and stepping in front of him, forcing your face into his line of sight.

"Oh, nothing." he dismissed with a melancholic smile.

"Come on, Sanji," you pressed. "Obviously something's bothering you! You're all quiet now."

"I guess I just have something on my mind is all..." he trailed, brushing passed you to continue on the path again.

"Well, out with it!" you pouted, pulling on his sleeve, making him stop again.

"It's not the right time." he insisted, pulling you along.

"The right time for what?" you whined, beginning to become impatient with him.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" he finally asked, giving you a glimmer of hope. You shook your head persistently, prompting him to sigh and dig into his pocket. "Just remember, if this isn't perfect, you forced it out of me." he teased, sinking to his left knee. Gazing up at you with that sweet, charming smile of his, he offered you a ring. It was a simple silver band, speckled with tiny diamonds and a teardrop-shaped sapphire as the centerpiece.

Tears immediately began rolling down your cheeks as you slapped your palm to your lips in disbelief. "S-Sanji..."

"You've always been my biggest fan, (Y/N). My taste tester when I'm unsure, my sous chef when I need help, and when nobody else likes my food, I know you do. You're my biggest support and I want you by my side forever."

"S-Sanji..." you sniffled, cheeks blushed and snowflakes catching on your hair. "I don't know what to say..."

"Say yes..." he beamed, tears pricking his eyes as he grabbed your left hand and slid the ring onto your finger. "Please bel amour?"

Finally catching up with the world around you, you quickly nodded your head, sobbing as you fell to your knees with him. "Yes, a million times, yes!" you cried into his chest. "I'd love to!"

"Thank you mon tresor," Sanji sighed, pulling you closer, not caring about the market goers passing you by. "C'mon, let's finish the shopping and get back tot he ship. I'm gonna make you somehting extra special."

[prettyboyrry]

hi!! i’m so so sorry i haven’t posted any content in a week but i’m back :)) i totally did not expect you guys to like that last one as much as you did but i appreciate it so much. this one is actually based off of an audio from my absolute favorite nsfw va ever so please please please go listen to it before you read. i kind of did some things different just for fun but the concept was too good not to write about. hope you enjoy<3 below is gonna be a link to jupiters audio :)

———————————————————————-

I flinch as the same stupid jump scare pops up as the last 15. If you told me this morning instead of having a chill day to recharge and cuddle with my beautiful girlfriend I'd be sitting in a movie theater watching a movie she was oh so excited to see that it deterred her from cuddling with me, I'd be pissed.

Which I fucking am. I'm sitting with my arms crossed, my lips in a pout and my eyebrows furrowed together just to make it all the more dramatic. This isn't even that aggravating I just wanna make her feel good so we can go home and she can hold me like I deserve after being so good for her all week.

"What's the matter baby?" I'm snapped out of my angered internal rant by abby's sexy raspy voice I have to pretend doesn't affect me so I can keep up my act. It's so hard when she's looking at me with that smirk on her face that makes my cheeks warm up.

"Nothing." I grumble, not very politely might I add. I can see her intake a deep breath trying to calm herself before she answers me. My attitude clearly being uncalled for. I know this isn't as big of a deal as I'm making it but I just want her attention so bad I'm losing it.

"You wanna try that again?" She asks. I flit my eyes over to her to check her demeanor and she's becoming more and more aggravated with me by the second which is valid I'm getting snappy with her but it's for a good reason. Kind of.

"Nope i'm good." I reassure her but she doesn't miss the way I roll my eyes at the end for good measure. I just want her to fucking touch me at this point it's what I've been craving all week but all she wants is to see a dumbass movie we could've watched in the comfort of our own home instead we're now surrounded by a bunch of college students who had nothing better to do.

"I really hope that it's just because it's dark in here i just saw your eyes roll" she assures me "because you would never ever be that rude to me right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about" i whisper to her,"just shut up and watch your movie you care about oh so much"

She raises her eyebrows at what I've just said to her. I'm practically shaking at what's to come. The anticipation is killing me. Is she gonna let us go home? Keep watching the movie? Or mayb-

My internal rambles are cut off by her snaking her hand between my thighs and cupping my heat. I bring my hand down to the arm of my chair and grip it tightly. The feeling of her large hand on my clothed cunt are nothing short of orgasmic.

"You know" she starts, leaning over whispering into my ear "I've been teasing you all week waiting for you to get this needy. I saw your puppy dog eyes when i came in from work waiting to be fucked like the good girl you are and knew I had to mess with you. I don't wanna see this stupid ass movie"

My breathing hitches when I feel her pull down my panties from under my skirt and the cold air hits my pussy. I groan watching her slide my panties into her pocket.

"But what I do wanna see, is you try to keep quiet while i fuck you around all of these people." She says in a husky voice that's making me practically drool.

I gasp at the revelation and that's when I finally notice the shape of her strap sitting pretty in her grey sweatpants. I squeeze my eyes shut when she starts to use her thumb to rub circles onto my clit not starting off slow at all but going at a pace that's making me soaking wet. I let out a strained whimper but remember where we are so I quickly jerk my head over to her and shove my face into her neck leaving hot kisses to try and quiet myself.

"Fuck, you're so hot" she groans,"I'm gonna put my fingers in now okay?"

"yes yes mhm," i cry pathetically to her, feeling so embarrassed at how worked up i already am.

"I bet they're gonna slide right in at how fucking soaked you are" she practically laughs at me "such a whore, hm?"

I nod frantically grabbing onto her bicep hoping she gets the memo and puts her fingers inside me.

"nuh uh" she tutts "when I ask a question you answer it"

"Yes yes abby i'm your whore, all yours" i whine," please."

"shhh" she says "need you to be quiet baby, I know you're needy but do you want everyone to know that you're my little whore?"

"Actually, don't answer that" she rephrases, knowing what my answer was gonna be.

I go to make a snarky remark but am cut off when she skips warming me up and slams two fingers into me.

"oh god please" I don't even know what I'm begging for at this point I just want her.

My brain has turned into complete mush because all I can think about is the way she's curling her fingers just right into the spot that has my eyes rolling into the back of my head and my teeth biting into my lip so hard I can feel myself bleeding a bit.

I cry out desperately when a particularly harsh thrust is delivered and I let my pitiful moans out.

I whip my head up when she stops thrusting her fingers into me to see her practically seething at me.

"Your moans are for me and for me only" she orders,"so what's the issue hm?"

"i know i know m'sorry" I apologize "i'm trying to stay quiet but I can't"

"fix it" she says very sternly.

"yes ma'am" i respond politely.

I immediately fuck up when she slips her fingers back into me with no warning so of course I let out a small moan I couldn't mask. She smirks knowing I was gonna do that and looks up at me darkly.

"poor baby, doesn't know how to listen" she says in a sweet tone but what she's about to do to me is everything but sweet, "it's okay honey, I'll help with that."

Before I can ask what she's gonna do, two fingers get shoved down my throat.

"Since you don't know how to be quiet I'm gonna do it for you huh baby" she asks, knowing I can't answer.

She continues what she's doing under my skirt but instead of just pumping her fingers at an incomprehensible pace, she adds her thumb, continuing the circle motion she was doing on my clit earlier. The combination of the two makes me double over gripping the arms of my theater chair tightly trying to get some type of leverage.

The erotic feeling of this combined with that fact that we could get caught at any moment makes my let out a shaken moan into her fingers that are covered in my saliva. My abdomen begins to tighten when she continues hitting that same spot inside of me that makes me scream. I've had some of the most life altering orgasms when I'm with her but this time it feels completely different.

"mm i-" i try to speak to her through the fingers that i mine as well be choking on with a frantic look on my face at the feeling that's washing over me.

"I know I know lovie," she hums working me through it,"just let it happen"

I nod at her, feeling safe.

"fuck fuck I'm coming, oh my god please" i chant out a mantra of her name and curses as a feeling hits me I've never felt before all at once. My body is twitching all over and my legs are shaking so violently in my seat that she lays her arm across them so no one notices. The feeling that's happening in my stomach is making hot tears stream down my cheeks.

"holy fuck that was hot" she says gruffly after I come down from the most intense orgasm I've ever had.

I look down to find a small puddle of my orgasm in the seat below me realizing that I just-

"I've never made you squirt before what the fuck" abby is looking at me astonished.

"I made a mess" i look at her with a pout slightly embarrassed at this new experience but also feeling like I'm on cloud nine.

"mhm," she hums, pulling me onto her lap facing her "and you're gonna make another one on my lap."

I'm caught off guard when she slides her sweats down just enough to where her dick comes out of her pants. She grabs onto it sliding it back and forth on my sensitive folds making me shudder. I remember we're in a movie theater when she grabs the blanket we brought with us and places it over the both of us to cover the lewd scene happening underneath.

"Can't have everyone seeing your pretty little ass grind on my cock now can we?" she questions me.

"no abby" i whine, "may I have a kiss"

"Of course you can angel" she smiles leaning in planting a long, loving kiss on my lips that reassures me that we're both on the same page and I'm always safe with her.

"Now be good for me and fuck yourself on my cock" she orders, to which I immediately comply to.

I grab onto her shoulders for leverage and bounce lightly up and down onto her to get any sort of friction getting rid of the achy feeling in my tummy from how much I've wanted her.

"The next time you think about being a little cunt to me instead of telling me what you need" she punctuates her sentence by thrusting up into me very harshly making me bite down on her shoulder "I hope you remember how hard it's been to stay quiet in a movie theater and how if you would've just asked for what you wanted at home I would've given it to you and more"

I continue grinding fast and hard on her lap feeling her cock bulge out of my tummy at the angle.

"m'sorry just want you now please" i whine into her ear.

"I know you are baby, it's okay" she reassures me.

My orgasm is coming much faster than the first one due to how sensitive I am so all I need are a few more thrust before that familiar feeling in my belly starts to form.

"god i can hear how soaked you are over the movie" she whispers into my ear trailing hot kisses down my neck. I gasp out into the air when I'm hit with a harsh thrust from her and her very last kiss lands on my boob where she stays, sucking and biting down softly creating bright red hickies.

This is all I need before I'm thrashing against her begging for mercy as she notices my lack of grinds, taking over and fucking up into me clearly not caring about the people around us helping me ride my orgasm out.

"abby, fuck, they're gonna hear me" i cry to her.

"shhh it's ok darling keep going" she hushes me bring her hand down between us rubbing my clit in circles as my orgasm ends making my legs shake in overstimulation.

I freeze when I hear a voice other than abby's but before I can look my head is being covered by a blanket.

"Is she alright" the other voice asks.

"yeah she's fine" abby says in a bored tone clearly pissed we were interrupted.

"just checking" the person says to which abby hums to.

"thanks" is all I hear from her before the person's footsteps lightly fade away.

Abby lifts the blanket from my head smoothing back my hair and pecking my lips three times.

"round three at home?"

———————————————————

i wrote this half asleep so really hoping i don’t regret publishing this tomorrow but bye bye ily mwahh

[wovenstarlight]

I got an interesting anonymous ask on the SFS Tumblr asking about the reasoning behind a bunch of Yoohyun's decisions that had… less-than-stellar outcomes, let's say? (LMAO.) and I'd like to keep the TL blog clean so I'm answering Anon here. I'm gonna post their ask in full for reference, because the answers to each individual question overlap:

Hi, thank you very much for your time, energy and effort. What you are doing is really amazing and admirable. I know you are busy enough and I shouldn't trouble you, but after reading the manhwa, I had questions about Yoohyun's logic and sentiment, and I became more confused after reading the novel and I don't know who to ask. Please ignore my message if it's to much trouble. 1: Why doesn't Yoohyun spend the last years of his life on earth peacefully with Yoojin, even though he knows that the world will end soon? 2: What did Yoohyun accomplish by leaving and humiliating Yoojin that he was persistent to do it for so many years? 3: Why instead of using his forces and technologies to protect Yoojin, he announces to the world that it is open season on him and he is worthless? (Normaly no one dares to harm the family of an S class but Yoohyun expose Yoojin to danger by abandoning him.) 4: Why does Yoohyun stop protecting Yoojin when the most dangerous part of Yoojin's life as an F class hunter begins? (Using his influence he could easily ban Yoojin from entering dungeons. Or he could have secretly formed a group of the most powerful hunters to go with Yoojin to dungeons. This way he could have provided him with everything he needed and keep him safe. That is, if he had any intention of protecting him.) 5: Why would Yoohyun gain all that resources, power, wealth and connections and he sit around and does nothing so that Yoojin would face death every day and rot in the basement? He gain all that for what, if not for protecting Yoojin? 6: Why doesn't he ever change his procedure or provide new options for Yoojin to stop going to dungeons? (Yoojin has no chance for a peaceful life due to not having a degree and being a notorious person. And he doesn't know about that cult.) Yoojin got to see his 30 years old birthday cause the cult didn't feel like killing him and he took care of himself in dungeons and was lucky that only his legs broke. So why would Yoohyun identify as a doting brother? The more I think about it the less I understand.

(crossposted on AO3, if you'd prefer to read there)

Okay, so, I'm really prone to rambling at length and this is a subject I have strong feelings on, so I'll give you a very short version of my answer in bullet points, and then a longer version with proper chapter-specific references and full explanations of what I think was going on.

Yoohyun wants to repay Yoojin for all the care and love he's given him, but as a 17-year-old, he doesn't have much social power

Yoohyun's Awakening puts himself and anyone he loves (i.e. Yoojin) in a dangerous position, because while he has individual physical power as an S-rank, he still lacks social power and also can't singlehandedly protect Yoojin 24/7

Yoohyun, in all his rash 17-year-old glory, takes the drastic action of cutting off Yoojin, planning to build up enough power to protect Yoojin and then reunite with him. Yoojin, as just your ordinary everyday 22-year-old, faces no risks other than people targeting him in order to hurt Yoohyun (I don't agree that no one would dare to harm the family of an S-rank, for reasons I'll elaborate on later in the long answer), so if Yoohyun's not close to Yoojin, then that cuts it down to "no risks at all", right…? So tell the media, tell the world, that no, Han Yoohyun doesn't give a shit about Han Yoojin. Yoohyun assumes he'll be able to explain it all to Yoojin one day and that he'll understand. (This should answer your Question 2 and Q3.)

But it doesn't work out as expected. Yoohyun thought it'd take much less time to establish his position than it does in reality (the assumed 4-ish years ended up as 6+ years). Also, Yoojin's gone from trying to make up with Yoohyun in a way that'll let them be together again (not going to happen, because Yoohyun's still not ready to bring Yoojin back into the fold) to being in his own terrible situation, so he's started lashing out at Yoohyun. So even if Yoohyun was in a stable enough situation to try reconciling with him, Yoojin might not be open to it by this point

Somewhere along the way, Yoohyun learns from the filial duty addict Diarma the world is going to end. He doesn't drop everything and go to live with Yoojin because even now, there's still the concern that maybe Yoohyun won't be able to protect Yoojin from everything, and maybe Yoojin doesn't want Yoohyun around, anyway. There's no use in going to live with Yoojin if it'll just end up getting Yoojin killed through Yoohyun's inaction (Q1).

So Yoohyun keeps maintaining his guild and his power so he can keep protecting Yoojin from what he thinks are the Real Threats. (Because the worlds of low- and high-rank Hunters are VERY different. Yoohyun probably assumes that because Yoojin's not facing the high-rank Hunter dangers, he's facing no dangers—a stupid but understandable mistake, given that Yoojin also assumed the exact same thing in reverse about Yoohyun! It sucks, it really does, but I really do think Yoohyun just… didn't realize just how bad it was.) (Q5) And the world can end whenever it wants; if there's no challenging it, then at least Yoohyun's kept Yoojin safe in the meantime.

And the one danger they have in common, dungeons—you suggest Yoohyun banning Yoojin from entering any, but Yoohyun's cut himself off from Yoojin entirely, remember. Trying to interfere in his life would be met with (a) STRONG rejection by a deeply hurt Yoojin who doesn't understand why Yoohyun thinks he has any say in Yoojin's life anymore, and (b) interest by Yoohyun's rivals, who'd wonder why he's trying to keep his hyung away from dangers when he says he doesn't care about that hyung's wellbeing, putting Yoojin right back in their crosshairs. (Q4)

Also, the immoral people have been killing Caregivers of S-ranks. Diarma might have told Yoohyun about this. If he did, then Yoohyun's goals would definitely have gone from "stay strong and one day reconcile with hyung" to "NEVER get close to hyung, because there are beings outside this world, much more powerful than anything I can match in a reasonable timespan, who will 100% kill him". At which point, even if Yoohyun had wanted to reconcile with him, or compromise by just adjusting his plan and talking to Yoojin a little more, or literally anything past making a show of total and complete indifference, he couldn't have without knowingly risking Yoojin's life. (Q6)

You and I and all the other S-Ranks readers, removed from this situation as we are, can think of half a dozen ways Yoohyun could probably have gotten around things. But the simple fact is that in that situation, under that much pressure, with that much emotional attachment to his brother and literally everything that mattered to him at stake if he fucked up in the tiniest of ways—forget making perfect decisions, there was absolutely no way Yoohyun was going to do anything other than what seemed least risky. Because to do otherwise would be risking Yoojin’s life and therefore his own. And the choices you’ve already mades, the path you’re already on—no matter how bad it is for you, no matter how bad it is for the people you love, no matter how much it hurts—will always, always be less risky than the unknown path, because at least this way, you know what dangers to expect and brace for. At the core of the matter, it’s just that… the path that was best for Yoojin's happiness wasn't the path that was best for Yoojin's life expectancy, you see? And Yoojin can't be happy if he's dead. Yoohyun can't be alive if Yoojin's dead. That's all it came down to.

……oh my god that was so long actually. And that was supposed to be the TL;DR. The long version is going to be SO long. I hope you like reading 50-page passionate essays. There's a poll at the end, you can look forward to that!!!

(Also, okay, before we jump into the Deep End. Two disclaimers.

Anon, you said you read the manhwa and novel, but I read only the novel, so some of my chapter references might be unfamiliar. I know they shuffled events around a little in the webtoon, too, so I'll try and describe the general events so you can find any webtoon parallels.

Yoojin's a REALLY unreliable narrator and definitely doesn't know a lot of what Yoohyun's gone through. Part of that is because there's things he has no way to pick up on or deduce; part of that is because he wants to not think about Yoohyun going through bad shit; part of that is because Yoohyun doesn't want Yoojin worrying about him and has actively hidden the worse parts of his life from him. So a fair part of what I'm talking about is going to be reading between the lines and extrapolating.

Okay, disclaimers done!) Now on to the long version with references. Let's go point-by-point based on the TL;DR.

#1: Yoohyun wanting to repay Yoojin

I mean, the skill's called Last/Final Repayment! Isn't that enough? Where did you think that came from? There certainly wasn't anything Yoojin wanted to repay Yoohyun for.

Okay, no, more seriously. Yoohyun and Yoojin have grown up with only each other to depend on. Yoohyun has watched Yoojin take care of him alone their whole lives, with no outside support, keeping a roof over their head and their stomachs filled. For Yoohyun's sake, Yoojin has given up:

A complete education, with Yoojin having "dropped out of school to take care of his little brother", as mentioned in chapter 1.

A proper social life. In chapter 25, Yoojin says his friends in his early 20s were "middle-aged factory workers" instead of people his own age.

Hobbies. He says to Yerim and Myeongwoo in chapter 45 that one of his "few hobbies" is taking spam calls, but his character profile from the E-books volume 1 confirms it's his only hobby, and one that's now fading… which leaves him with zero personal interests. (The spam calling thing is almost certainly something that sprouted from loneliness in the years that the brothers were separated, by the way. After all, why would Yoojin waste time listening to some stranger on the phone talk to him about something he doesn’t care about? Most likely because there isn’t—wasn’t—really anyone else who’s willing to talk to him, anymore.)

The sole birthday present of "a 10,000 won bill to buy something tasty to have with his friends" he got from their parents, which "would be used for Han Yoohyun’s birthday. As [it was] every year", as mentioned in chapter 239, during Yoohyun’s flashback to childhood.

And Yoohyun, a helpless child, could only watch as Yoojin gave up all of that, to no real benefit of his own, just to focus all his attention and resources on supporting Yoohyun.

By the time he was in middle school, Yoohyun was already talking about becoming a doctor since it'd be "advantageous in a lot of aspects"; he says he "just wanted to make it so you [Yoojin] could live comfortably" (chapter 258). Yoojin wouldn't have to be the sole earner, and would've been able to pursue his own happiness as well as Yoohyun's. Yoohyun wants very badly for Yoojin to not have to worry about him anymore. It makes sense that that sentiment would remain even after he Awakened.

#2: Yoohyun's Awakening

And boy what an Awakening it was! Straight from a random orphaned kid with zero social life and decent grades to one of the world's most desirable and dangerous individuals, basically overnight. He has none of the social sway that the rich and well-connected Sung Hyunjae or the professional athletes Moon Hyuna and Choi Sukwon do, and he refuses to get the help of big corporations like Choi Sukwon and Bak Mingyu (and Yoon Kyeongsoo? I forget if Soodam was also a corp-backed guild). So he's got no power, but he's also declared his intent to create a guild, and that combined with his nature as a born S-rank makes people perceive him as a threat. Maybe not so much in the early days, when people think he's just an arrogant, stupid kid who's going to crash and burn, but definitely more so as time passed, which Sung Hyunjae confirms in chapter 152:

“Wasn’t [Han Yoohyun] at the age where one faces a lot of problems, starting out living alone?” […] “He wasn’t even alone, strictly speaking. I heard Team Head Seok and the others joined Haeyeon early on.” I heard that Seok Simyeong had visited Yoohyun-ie even before Haeyeon was founded. He was still annoying, but I had to give him his share of the credit for Haeyeon. Sung Hyunjae gave a small nod at my words. “Even so, it isn’t easy for a latecomer to find his place.” “That’s… You’re right.” “For the first year or so, it was easier. Since most of them said Haeyeon wouldn’t be able to properly establish itself.” Sung Hyunjae also said he hadn’t been interested in Haeyeon—in Yoohyun-ie—at the time, either. “The problem arose when it started to become a major guild.”

The second the initial "LOL, this has got to be a joke, right?" blinders come off, he's at risk. And he would've known that this would happen right from the start—Yoohyun's smart enough that he would've understood the lack of attacks was just because they didn't see him as a real threat yet.

So, again: a latecomer on the scene with no power and no experience to his name, and seen as a threat to deal with. No social connections means he has no one to rely on to help him with Yoojin's protection: it's up to him alone. And even S-ranks have to eat and sleep and use the bathroom and do half a dozen other things that would pull him away from Yoojin's side, not to mention the all-important requirement of raiding dungeons, which Yoohyun himself admits in chapter 71 was one of his main concerns:

“Once I start a raid on an S-rank dungeon, I’ll be gone for a week […]. Me… avoiding you… was also largely due to the S-rank dungeon raid time. Since, obviously, I can’t look after you once I go into the dungeon.”

So Yoohyun himself can't just stay by Yoojin's side as his bodyguard 24/7. He'd have to leave him unattended for, at minimum, whole weeks. Which means he doesn't have a reliable, sure way to keep his hyung safe.

#3: Cutting off Yoojin, and the risks to an S-rank's family

And that's not even mentioning his own safety. What happens when Yoohyun's hurt and can't help with guarding Yoojin? And he will be hurt, either by dungeon raids or other people. If you don't think that second one is a concern, as early as chapter 6, when Yoojin and Yoohyun are having their first meal together, Yoojin asks about Yoohyun's ability to cook, and he says he taught himself:

“I’ve got items for detoxification and de-cursing, now, but I didn’t have them before. So making my own food felt safer. Even now, when I enter dungeons, I bring dried rations I made myself. Since it’s most dangerous inside dungeons.” “…Detoxification? De-cursing?” What was I hearing right now? As in, there were bastards who’d poison and curse his food, so he had to make it himself… that sort of thing?

Yoohyun himself, a strong, healthy S-rank with a good constitution and one hell of a temper, was at risk of being poisoned and cursed through something as everyday as food. You said that normally, no one would dare attack the family of an S-rank—but if people are willing to attack the S-rank himself, knowing that he'll kill them for sure if it fails and he learns they're behind it, then what's stopping them from attacking the S-rank's family?

There's two points you could argue:

Yoohyun says in the chapter 6 conversation that "It’s a major crime for an Awakened person to target an Unawakened person, so I made them think it wasn’t worth it to risk going after you." But that'd only last for the 3 years up until Yoojin Awakened, and honestly, there's a real risk that anyone targeting Yoojin before that time would just be rich or socially connected enough that they could make the charges go away.

The other argument that if they attack an S-rank's beloved family and that fails, now the S-rank is coming after them with a vengeance, and he's not even suffering from the aftermath of poisoning or a curse to weaken him in the slightest, so that might scare them off. But, like… people do stupid things when they're desperate. In that kidnapping where Yoojin met the Krecke Blackie (chapters 46–49), sure, Yoojin had his own special skills that made him valuable, but he also had five major guilds and the Association all dedicated to his protection. That's several times the protection a single S-rank could offer, and some idiots who weren't even in a desperate situation still tried to go after him for benefits similar to what you'd get from having leverage over an S-rank. So I really don't think anything would stop people from threatening Yoojin. If anything, the combined facts of Yoohyun starting out from a weak position, Yoohyun obviously caring about Yoojin, and Yoojin being so much weaker than Yoohyun would make that the best option by far, if you wanted to hurt Yoohyun. After all, it’s not like Unawakened F-rank Yoojin can fight back himself, and again, Yoohyun isn’t going to fight you if it would risk Yoojin’s life.

So, Yoohyun goes "if I distance myself from hyung and make people think it WON'T hurt me for him to be hurt, then people have no reason to target him!" and follows through. I do think this was a stupid move on his part, even if he intended to explain it all to Yoojin eventually, because by not letting him in on the secret right from the start, he guaranteed that Yoojin would be hurt and upset by his sole remaining family member seemingly abandoning him for better prospects. Which leads Yoojin to start making his own stupid moves, which snowballs into a series of bad decisions on both their parts, and so on… but we'll get to that in a minute. The problem, I think, is that this plan could've worked, if only Yoohyun had told Yoojin at the start, so that Yoojin knew not to draw attention to himself. Maybe they could've done regular calls on burner phones or something, to stay in touch, and they'd have been happier that way.

Unfortunately that didn't happen. Why? Because, as Yoohyun states in that same conversation in chapter 6, he "didn’t want to burden" Yoojin. Yoohyun's desire to protect Yoojin is not just physical, but also mental/emotional—he doesn't want Yoojin to know that Yoohyun's going through all this trouble of leaving home and dealing with threats to his life and making big decisions, because he doesn't want Yoojin to worry.

[EDIT: And actually, thinking back over this, do you realize—Yoojin always talks about how Yoohyun was a delight of a child to raise, never complaining, never throwing tantrums, wonderfully behaved and always doing as he was told. Enough so that Moon Hyuna has to tell him, explicitly, in Chapter 43, that that’s not normal, in those exact words:

“He was a good younger brother who never needed to be scolded. Ever since he was little, he listened well and didn’t worry me…….” “You said you were the one to raise him, right? After you lost your parents early. That’s not normal.” She clicked her tongue and continued. “A good, obedient little brother from a poor family without parents. That sort of thing doesn’t even appear in children’s fairy tales these days. Because it’s not realistic.” “I mean, to go that far—” “Kids are kids. They get frustrated and angry if there’s something lacking, they make trouble to get attention, they compare themselves with others, and beyond begging their parents to buy them something they want, they might even resent them. Parents might still think their kids are cute, but brothers? To them, they’re just enemy bastards; I also have a younger sibling, so I know. Of course, there are brothers and sisters who get along. In peaceful households where their parents take good care of them. Even then, it’s not like they never fight. Younger brothers in particular are a type that need to be put in their place; older siblings the world across would probably agree.”

This suggests that Yoohyun and Yoojin have never, ever, EVER experienced conflict on major life decisions. Not once have they argued about Yoohyun making choices that Yoojin wouldn’t like. Which means Yoohyun approached cutting off Yoojin with a very particular mindset, and I have some guesses as to what exactly that mindset was. Do you think he hoped Yoojin would understand that his perennially well-behaved brother would have some reason for leaving home? Do you think he just… didn’t know how to approach telling Yoojin about his choice, knowing it’d upset him so much, so he simply didn’t and hoped for the best? Or was it something else entirely?

Either way: Yoohyun absolutely did not know what would come of this choice. He definitely did not expect just how hard it would be on Yoojin. At the time, he was probably just wanting to spare Yoojin the heartache of their first major argument about Yoohyun’s life choices.] And it's that very desire to not bother him with the knowledge of how much Yoohyun's suffering that eventually makes things go wrong and both of them suffer for it.

#4: Yoohyun's strategy failing

What do we know about Yoohyun's plan going wrong? We know that Yoohyun intended to wipe out his enemies before even thinking about allowing Yoojin into danger. In that conversation in chapter 6, he tells Yoojin to wait "just 1 year" and to basically live in confinement, locked up safe inside Haeyeon, until Yoohyun's done. Combined with the 3 years since the dungeons appearing and Yoohyun Awakening, that means he thought it'd take maybe 4 years in total, with hurrying at the end to accommodate Yoojin already being involved with him again. Yoojin says in narration that pre-regression, it took him 3 years instead of the 1 he's proposing, which puts us at a total of 6 years minimum before Yoohyun could even think about reuniting with Yoojin.

But, of course, a lot can and did happen in those 6 years. Within the first 3, the brothers' relationship had deteriorated enough that Yoojin blocked Yoohyun's number, as mentioned in chapter 32 by Yoohyun to Yoojin during novice Hunter training:

“You got angry and told me not to call, remember? You even blocked my number.”

Why was Yoojin angry? See chapter 158, when Yoohyun was temporarily amnesiac due to Jellyfish's fog:

“I’m certain I told you not to come near me.” …I remembered. When I’d heard that, I’d blocked Yoohyun’s number, telling him not to call me back.

Yoohyun's repeated refusal to tell Yoojin about his plans, just telling him they had to stay apart, only worsened their relationship. And while Yoohyun did attempt to reach out and help Yoojin in ways such as sending him money to cover living expenses (probably hoping to repair their rapidly deteriorating relationship), that also made it worse, with Yoojin rejecting all of those attempts. As he explains in chapter 274, during the flashbacks induced by Jellyfish in their fight:

Gritting my teeth, I sent back the money Yoohyun-ie sent me without even laying a finger on it. To the me of that time, it was horrible money that my young brother had as good as traded his life for. Yoohyun-ie wanted me to accept living expenses and stay safe, but I believed my brother was being sent to his own death and could never accept it.

It isn't like Yoohyun didn't try to reach out. He did. The problem was that all of his attempts were undercut by his continued refusal to tell Yoojin why he had distanced himself, such that all those attempts at staying in touch only rubbed salt in the wound of being abandoned. And as early as 3 years in, by his own admission in chapter 6, Yoohyun starts to think that things have gotten so bad that even if he tries to confess everything now, Yoojin might not "be understanding". He might not be willing to let go of his hurt and resentment to reconcile with him.

So should he stop reaching out, then? Surely there's still hope that they can reconcile in the future. Someday, maybe, when Yoohyun's sure he can protect Yoojin, even if Yoojin doesn't want to be with/near him.

#5: Learning about the world ending

Only, there's a deadline imposed by the end of the world, which Yoohyun learns about from filial duty addict Diarma. Part of the contract with the filial duty addicts, as Sung Hyunjae explains in chapter 102, is not interfering with said end of the world. Actually, the contractors have to give "their word that they’ll eliminate obstacles" i.e. other people fighting against the end of the world, so Yoohyun can't do anything about this deadline. This gives him a limited amount of time in which he can "eventually" reconcile with Yoojin.

So, as you ask, Anon, why not spend that limited time with his brother? Well, just because there's an end of the world approaching—which Yoohyun can't even talk about! L-rank contract, remember—doesn't mean that Yoojin is 🌟magically🌟 going to get any less mad about Yoohyun abandoning him for several years than before. Yoohyun still doesn't want to explain, so that argument is absolutely not getting resolved.

Even if he tries to explain vaguely that there's some threat and that he'd like Yoojin to live with him or at least accept his offers of protection and security, what happens if Yoojin refuses? Yoohyun clearly isn't willing to violate Yoojin's desires too far, since the most certain way to keep him safe would be to lock him up in a vault somewhere inside Haeyeon and never let anyone else see him, but that would trample all over his free will and happiness, not to mention it'd ruin Yoohyun's "live normally and happily with hyung" goals. So he'll have to let Yoojin stay out in the world, while all of Yoohyun's rivals and enemies are still out there, watching the Haeyeon Guild Leader reach out to his brother and wondering if they've reconciled. At that point, it doesn't matter if they actually have made up or not. If someone even suspects that Yoojin is close to Yoohyun, then they'll target him on the off-chance that it's true. And if Yoojin did refuse Yoohyun's offers, which he's almost certain to, then he's defenseless against whatever attacks come. And they will come. In chapter 6, Yoohyun admitted that a single visit to Haeyeon Guild by Yoojin, willing or unwilling, would be enough to get attention on him:

“But if I directly give orders for you to be brought in and allowed to live within Haeyeon Guild, my enemies will start to actively target you. Even with you just being here right now, I’m sure they’ll already have started keeping an eye on you.”

Think of it from Yoohyun's enemies' perspective. If Yoohyun cares about Yoojin, attacking Yoojin gives you leverage over Yoohyun. If Yoohyun doesn't care about Yoojin, then he won't care if you're attacking Yoojin, so you'll face no retaliation from him. Yoohyun's enemies have nothing to lose from this, while Yoohyun has everything to lose. So, in this situation, it'd be better to take the least risky path: just don't engage with Yoojin at all.

And, also, even if he'd decided to take that risk, there's a different one when it comes to actually figuring out a system to guard Yoojin. This point is more speculation, but I do think Yoohyun might have struggled with deciding when he'd done enough for Yoojin's protection. Because the reality is that Yoojin was never, ever going to be 100% safe from all dangers ever. Again, the vault method is the only way Yoohyun could achieve that. Yoohyun could've put together any amount of high-rank Hunters as Yoojin's exclusive security detail, and he'd still have to leave him alone with these potentially corruptible strangers for a full week at a time during every S-rank dungeon raid. I suspect there was a real risk of Yoohyun continuously going "I just need to get a bit stronger and a bit more established" indefinitely, without ever reaching a point where he was actually satisfied. (Which, if this was indeed a risk in canon, would be overridden in the post-regression timeline by Yoojin's keyword usage making Yoohyun's desire to live with him again and uncertainty about Yoojin's response win out over the urge to keep obsessing over safeguards.)

#6: What counts as a "real" threat

When it comes to Yoohyun's need to defend Yoojin against threats, there's also an important aspect you need to consider, which is: what threats? You see, the worlds of low-rank and high-rank Hunters are very different, to the point where Yoohyun seems to completely overlook some aspects of what Yoojin's used to dealing with, while Yoojin explicitly notes on multiple occasions that he didn't even realize Yoohyun faced certain dangers. As always, we come back to the poisoning attempts mentioned in chapter 6, the first time Yoojin realizes Yoohyun was suffering his own ordeals. This sort of sneaky threat gets reiterated in chapter 11, after Yoojin's trip to the Hunter Mall, when Yoohyun tells him he can't even take a simple drink from any public vendor because it might be poisoned (not something that'd work on Yoohyun himself, but it certainly would on those lower-ranked people around him who he cares about). No, not even in a government-sponsored location like the Association, because even these locations are filled with other guilds' spies and informants. Yoojin's internal response is essentially "what sort of underhanded bullshit is this", and out loud he questions Yoohyun about it:

“But would they do that sort of thing in none other than the Association? If they get caught, the backlash will be huge.” And if Awakened people couldn’t trust the Association, it’d end up hurting the guilds, too. “Of course they wouldn’t make trouble inside the Association. But it’s possible to have their target sent away in an ambulance or police car.” “…And then that ambulance or police car goes missing?” “You’re getting it.”

And Yoojin literally thinks, not a paragraph later, that this is maybe too much even for him:

Somehow, the further things went, the more I felt like I should stop being involved with this brat Yoohyun-ie and go off to live on my own.

Better the dangers you know than the ones you don't, but in Yoojin's words.

Everyone in the high-rank sphere is, well, high-rank. Strong and resilient even when they don't have defensive skills, to say nothing of when they do. They face threats, yes, Real Threats that pose danger to them and risk their safety and status, including threats from other people—Song Taewon mentions to Yoojin in chapter 83 that he's investigated Yoohyun for murder multiple times a year—but because they're so strong, those threats come in the form of dungeon monsters or social attacks, not actual physical harm. Especially not physical harm from other people; like, chapter 75 mentions there's laws against S-rank Hunters going into dungeons together for fear that they might hurt or kill each other, so unless they encounter each other in a dungeon break region where combat is expected (or pick fights with Chief Song, an S-rank duty-bound to fight other S-ranks), they're never really going to encounter personal threats from other Hunters.

Take all that through the lens of protecting Yoojin: he's just some guy, he's not involved in the social/political Hunter Hunger Games, so he's probably fine on that front, right? And otherwise, Yoohyun just needs to protect him from dungeons (keep Yoojin out of them when possible, prevent breaks in his area), and maybe just some general watching out for Yoojin getting himself into anything risky, since he's so weak as an F-rank. That's all the threats Yoohyun sees on a daily basis, so that's probably it, right?

Wrong. Low-rank Hunters have their own set of threats they face, and while a part of that is dungeons and monsters, a very large part of that is also just… being easy to kill, in a community of people very ready to kill. Low-rank Hunters murder each other a hell of a lot more than high-rank Hunters get to even hurt, let alone kill, each other. Think about how easily the knowledge of dungeons being good body disposal spots comes to Yoojin (chapter 19, when threatening Yerim's uncle). Think about the way Yoojin talks about being pressured into slave contracts and miner guilds, and how common it seems to be for low-rank Hunters to be maimed and disabled and left in the lurch (chapters 21 and 22, saving Yoo Myeongwoo from Hope Resources Guild). Think about chapter 49, where Yoohyun claims there's strong camaraderie among high-rank Hunters, and Yoojin responds with this:

Comradeship, huh. There was no such concept in low-rank Hunter teams. Of course, it wasn’t like there were no good people around. The problem was that they all died before long. There were fixed low-rank teams united through trust and friendship, but it was very rare that they lasted. With how strongly they banded together, if one of them died, they couldn’t endure the shock and would fall apart; and even if that didn’t happen, if they were doing well for themselves, they’d be attacked from the outside by the many Hunters who’d find them unpleasant. But a high-rank dungeon raiding team that suffered few such accidents could form a sense of comradeship and keep staying together.

Low-rank Hunters will get killed by monsters, or survive only to get killed by the loss of their teams, or find good teams only to get killed by other jealous low-ranks, or (in Yoojin's experience) survive multiple team-wide killings only to get ostracized and distrusted for being suspiciously good at surviving (almost like you're the one setting up your teams to fail! really makes you wonder, doesn't it?), or, or, or…

High-rank Hunters just… survive. That's it.

Of course Yoohyun wouldn't know to protect Yoojin from these threats. He's never faced them. To him, fighting other people is a fun, challenging pastime, where no one being allowed to kill each other is an unspoken rule that goes implicitly understood. He wouldn't realize how it was very much not fun for Yoojin; maybe he'd know it intellectually, but I don't think he'd understand, not without getting up close and personal to see Yoojin struggle with it, which he can't do himself. If he tries to send someone to spy on or just generally help out his brother, Yoojin's primed by his experiences to distrust the people around him, so spies won't get anything out of him, and any strong Hunter handpicked by Yoohyun to help his hyung might simply be unable to gain Yoojin's trust. (Picking out a whole team of strong Hunters? Even if Yoojin trusts them, they'd probably end up victimized by jealous Hunters. Rinse and repeat.) You must also take into account that Yoojin's been made enough of a target by society that he's hiding every weakness someone could potentially exploit. Hell, if he's hiding well enough, you might think he's doing just fine.

And in the time period where it would be blatantly obvious that Yoojin was not fine, that early period right when he Awakened and turned into society's scapegoat overnight? That was when Yoohyun and Haeyeon were also being targeted, and wouldn't have been able to spare the kind of attention and help Yoojin would've needed, not with all the scrutiny they were all being subjected to. Actually, when Yoojin's reminiscing about these times in chapter 59, he hypothesizes it might've been Yoohyun's rivals themselves who were behind the scapegoating:

At that time, it would’ve been hard for that guy to look out for me. Public opinion wasn’t good in many ways, and there were too many scrutinizing eyes for him to secretly look after me. Now that I thought about it, I wondered if there wasn’t some sort of operation targeting me. The response was too excessive to have simply been the work of a few trash journalists. It was a matter that could be packaged excitingly, I was an F-rank which made me easy to use, and at that time, it could drag down Haeyeon Guild in the public opinion. Whether it was the government, the Association, or rival guilds, they’d have been fools not to use me.

If it was Yoohyun's rivals behind it, then by fighting on the Haeyeon front, Yoohyun might actually have been keeping Yoojin safe, too. How do we know he didn't actually mitigate the suffering to some degree? We haven't heard from Yoohyun about his side of things during this time, so we don't have a definite answer one way or another.

Certainly, Seok Simyeong didn't help at all by making a public statement denouncing Yoojin, especially not when it was so bad Yoojin admits to almost being suicidal over it (chapter 19)! But, well, it was a busy time. We don't know whether Yoohyun was consulted on that one, or if it was something they rushed in order to get ahead of the situation. It might also be that Yoohyun was consulted and made the choice that they'd publicly denounce Yoojin but privately offer him support, only for Yoojin to reject it as he did before with the money Yoohyun sent. Yoojin's done this before, where he conveniently doesn't mention a detail about a scenario until it becomes immediately relevant!

I cannot emphasize enough that we don't have Yoohyun's perspective on this. We don't know what he was doing or not doing to help. But we know, from his love for Yoojin, from his desperate desire to keep him safe at all costs, that he must've been doing something. Was that something effective? Was it useful to Yoojin's immediate life? Who knows. But he was trying.

#7: Banning Yoojin from dungeons

…Keyword being trying. Because, uh. To be honest, how well do you think any direct attempts at "helping" went over? The very first moment that Yoojin regresses to is when Yoohyun got him out of a meeting with an Awakening broker. And Yoojin himself says that ended so badly that "after listening to Yoohyun-ie’s nagging, I’d become furious and stormed off, shouting that I could take care of myself and to quit bothering me" (chapter 5). So if Yoohyun tries to openly keep Yoojin out of danger, then Yoojin is going to have a screaming fit of anger at his life being controlled by someone who apparently isn't even interested in being in it.

And that's before Yoojin Awakened. Once he had an actual, legal, government-assigned license saying he could go into dungeons? Yoohyun had zero standing. Zero chance he was ever going to be able to stop him from going into dungeons, short of breaking down and crying and begging for him to not do it, which (to successfully convince Yoojin he wasn't just putting on a show or trying to guilt trip him) would also require Yoohyun to admit he still cared about Yoojin and reveal his 3- uh, 4- I mean, 5- 6(!!)-Year Master Plan To Keeping Hyung Safe Forever And Ever.

Yeah. Never gonna happen.

And even that one (1) attempt at keeping Yoojin away from dungeons and Hunters and everything related could've gone really badly, because as Yoohyun himself admits in their chapter 6 conversation, his enemies will "already have started keeping an eye on you [Yoojin]". Just from one single show of apparent concern for Yoojin's wellbeing! Can you imagine what would've happened if Yoohyun kept stopping Yoojin every time he tried to go into a dungeon? Setting Yoojin's own frustration and anger aside, can you picture the kind of attention that would've gotten Yoojin? No, this was one battle Yoohyun had to lose in order to win the overall war.

Anon, you mention providing "new options for Yoojin to stop going to dungeons". Okay, sure, we're starting with Yoojin being society's black sheep and probably rejected out of hand from most positions he applies to, and Yoohyun's only leverage in society being in dungeon- and Hunter-related fields. What options would he have provided for Yoojin? A dungeon- or Hunter-related job, probably at Haeyeon or one of its affiliates? That's precisely what we're trying to avoid, and also visible enough that Yoohyun might as well not have even fucking bothered with the 6-Year Master Plan etc. etc. Okay, so then something at one of Haeyeon's sponsors-? Except Haeyeon famously doesn't have backers, and any connections they have through business deals will be glaringly obvious to Yoohyun's rivals if leveraged. Oh, Han Yoojin, the man who no one wants to hire, got a job at a company whose products Han Yoohyun sponsored just a while ago! Absolutely no one is wondering how this could've happened. Also, funny how Han Yoohyun's helping Han Yoojin find work, it's almost like he cares about him… (And so the end begins.)

Remember, all of Yoohyun's efforts at separating himself from Yoojin require actually being separate from Yoojin and the choices he makes. Yoojin's life is—unfortunately enough for Yoohyun—his own to live… and his own to ruin.

#8: The transcendent threat

And all of that—every single one of these environmental factors that make it so Yoohyun has a billion and one concerns to consider before he can so much as talk to Yoojin—all of that comes before we take into account one more fact:

God Hates Caregivers Personally.

Or, in a non-joking manner, and in the fashion Yoohyun might have learned about it from Diarma, as is strongly suggested in the virtual reality dungeon arc during chapter 246:

There are beings out there, outside your world, stronger than anything you know, and this is acknowledging the fact that you are among the strongest existences humankind will ever produce. These beings rule your entire world, are the children of the very power that created the dungeons terrorizing your planet, are themselves so powerful that they can predict dungeons and manipulate the system in their favor, that they can manipulate the circumstances of individual humans as long as they're inside dungeons. In allying with any one of their number, you make an enemy out of half of the entire population of these transcendental existences. You have already made an enemy of them. And these people, these all-powerful creatures, who you've painted yourself a rival of? These same people have a known track record of killing the loved ones of people like you.

Your brother goes into dungeons every week as part of his job. He's already at immense risk. If you go near him, if you make it seem even slightly like you're interested in him personally, you make him an out-and-out target for these transcendents, and they'll smite him. He dies, and you die, and it's game over.

Option one: You can grow to their level, meet them with equal strength, certainly, but will you get the time to grow that far before they kill your brother? Is his natural lifespan even long enough that he'd survive the time it took for your growth? He dies. You die. Game over.

Option two: Don't pose a threat. It's too late for you to never get on their radar in the first place, but if you can keep from seeming any more dangerous, maybe they won't give him any attention. Secure a favor that will let you help him when he needs it, at most, but otherwise never use your transcendent connections to your own advantage.

Option two, taken to its conclusion: If you die before your brother does—if you die calling in that favor and saving his life—you never have to see him be killed.

(Option two, on the flip side: You will not expect it to be your own ally who set the stage for your loved one to be killed.)

So, basically, every single concern Yoohyun's had about protecting his brother that made him distance himself and not tell him anything so far? All of that is taken and cranked up to difficulty level Maximum. "If I show interest in hyung, one of my rivals or enemies might choose to hurt or kill him!" The transcendents WILL kill him with NO known incentive. Yoohyun might assume it's because he poses a threat to their side, but he can't be absolutely certain that's it. In fact, he doesn't know anything about this opposing transcendent faction, since he was blocked from contacting them by the very fact of having chosen a side in the first place, as Water Droplet explains when discussing the born S-ranks in chapter 106:

“We don’t know for sure either. The filial duty addicts contacted them first, so their information is obscured. We only know that there are five, and about the ones that are in contact with you.”

And while Yoohyun-as-Alpha knows the reasons behind the immoral people killing Caregivers—namely, that they want to remove distractions for S-ranks, so that they focus on combating dungeons and monsters—if Diarma had told Yoohyun about this, and if he'd thought to apply the bare minimum of intelligence to his delivery (a disclaimer that must be made, with this transcendent in particular), I really don't think he would've told him why. No, he would've wanted the immoral people to seem like a dangerous threat, so he would just have said that they might kill Yoohyun's family, without giving him their reasoning.

Which means Yoohyun knew nothing about the immoral people's motives, nothing about their goals, nothing about what they'd see as aggression. Which meant, hypothetically, that any and every action he took could trigger them to smoothly and efficiently eliminate the only person he loved in all the world. It would be so easy, too; Yoojin's entering their turf multiple times a month as part of his daily job, a fact which we've already established Yoohyun couldn't do anything about. The only thing he knew for sure is that they hadn't killed Yoojin so far.

Remember what I said before, about the known path being safer? Because you know the dangers you'll face on it? Yoohyun knows doing what he's doing right now is keeping Yoojin alive. He can't control a single other thing outside of that. And the danger posed by not doing what he's doing just got shifted to a level he is not prepared on any level to respond to. Before, he might've thought Yoojin was safe at least inside dungeons with his chosen teams; from his perspective, "dungeons with only guild members inside are actually safer than the outside world" (chapter 134), while the outside world was more of a risk because of all of Yoohyun's enemies. But now? There is danger all the time and in every location Yoojin goes, even those outside of this world, on an insane, unrivaled level. He is never, never safe, and any single unexpected action Yoohyun takes puts that at risk. If doing anything at all is dangerous, then it's better to do nothing.

So, yeah, that's the crux of it, isn't it. Yoohyun needs to protect Yoojin every day, every single time. Everything else in the whole world only needs to kill Yoojin once. In such a situation, how would Yoohyun ever dare to risk making either of them vulnerable?

…The end! I hope that this explanation, long as it is, has given you at least some additional insight into Why Yoohyun Did All That, and helped serve as a reminder of just how little we actually know about Yoohyun's perspective of the events pre-regression.

By the way, this entire post is pulling only from information we get up to chapter 272; there’s more information revealed up to chapter 350—actually, even just in the next few chapters after that, up to 275—that sheds more light on Yoohyun’s decision-making process in the pre-regression timeline. Maybe I’ll come back and post a part 2 to this analysis someday using the additional information we get as time goes on, but right now, this much will have to be enough.

In any case—thanks for reading this far. And of course, as promised, here's the poll!

[writing-house-of-m]

Sexy Sokovian Fortune Teller

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

Word count: 565

Summary: You want to ask Wanda out at the annual Stark Halloween Costume Party

A/N: This is for a 25 sentence prompt challenge set by @vancityfire13 and @runawayswrite - technically I'm late but I wanted to finish and post it 😬

Let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!

Natasha Romanoff is a fucking liar. 

She told you Wanda would notice you if you were wearing the sweetest costume, but all night she's been talking to Vision and every time you have tried to speak to her when she has been alone, he would pop up out of nowhere. 

You consider the party a dud because It's been hours of the wrong people making conversation with you so you decide to leave. 

Catching your own reflection in the mirror that made the back wall of the elevator you stepped into, made you think a little bit clearer. Maybe you took 'sweetest' a little too literally. Why would any sane person want to speak to someone dressed as a giant sugar packet for a Halloween party? 

Just as the doors are about to close, someone enters and you hear "Hi Y/n." 

She's here, in the elevator, Wanda, with you, alone. 

You manage to squeak out a reply but keep your eyes forward staring at the closing doors, you did not get a chance to mentally prepare for this. 

"I've been trying to get to you all night, I just couldn't get away," she says, turning to you smiling. 

You raise an eyebrow in surprise and she continues, "I like your costume, it's different compared to everyone else's usual 'sexy-whatever-character'. Maybe we could have been salt and pepper shakers or something together instead of me going with," she points to her red outfit with her gloved hands, "sexy Sokovian fortune teller." 

The words are coming out of your mouth before you can even stop yourself, "No I think your costume is great!" 

You gather yourself by clearing your throat, "It's just you- you look really pretty Wanda." 

A blush takes over her cheeks as she smiles from your words but you have already averted your gaze to the floor in embarrassment from your outburst to even notice. 

You continue the short elevator ride with small talk; Wanda joking about how "sweet" your costume is, making you laugh, to Pietro disappearing once he found Monica; you both continue while you walk to your rooms that are across from each other. 

As Wanda says goodnight and turns to her door you force yourself to speak up once more before she walks through. 

"Wanda, I wanted to ask," she turns to look at you, "err, would you like to go out with me? Not today, obviously, maybe tomorrow, actually that might be too soon, how about next week or maybe in a couple of days, I'm not really sure whe-" 

"I'd love that," Wanda cuts in to stop your rambling, "tomorrow sounds great." 

"Oh, ok, cool cool cool," you release a breath, relaxing your tense shoulders, smiling sheepishly. 

You say goodnight to each other again and when you rest your head that night it's about all the possibilities of a future with the girl who's always been so close but so far out of reach in your mind. 

You smile remembering she said yes. 

The first of many yeses that would take place over the years including one at the altar when you begin the rest of your life together. 

She even said yes the following year when you showed her the couples costumes you had picked out for the annual Halloween party - Salt and Pepper shakers (you didn't need to ask Nat for advice this time around). 

[aithusarosekiller]

Short Jegulus fluff :)

Not edited

Words: approx 700

-

“You don't understand, James. When we get back from Christmas, the war is real. For me it's real. I can't back out on Bellatrix now, you know that. I promised her I'd take the mark, I can't back out on her now, it would be suicide.” His words were sharp and certain, a cutting reminder of the reality they lived in, of the inevitability of the pain that caved further in on them with every second they were alive.

James watched as angry tears filled Regulus’ eyes; it was almost alien to both of them, crying wasn't something he did all too often, which probably accounted for a lot of the surprise that was currently keeping James fastened tightly to his seat. There was nothing he could do but sit and watch the unfiltered emotion in his voice betray the thoughts of the boy he wanted nothing more than to keep, safe and happy, just the two of them.

“I have to do my family proud. I'm their last chance. I refuse to disappoint them.” Even as the words left his mouth, the conviction in them was dwindling. There were a few minutes where the two simply stared at each other in expectant silence. Not even their breathing cut the silence. The air of the Room of Requirement was thick, almost suffocatingly so.

Then, with a small smile, James stood up from the sofa and made his way over to the record player, drawing a sleeve from the shelf and placing the record on the turntable. After a few seconds of cracking silence, the hum of smooth jazz filled the air and Regulus couldn't help but laugh sharply in pure shock.

“What are you doing?” He asked through stunted breaths; he was completely unable to refrain from grinning.

James stepped into the centre of the room and held out a hand for him to take.

“I didn't even know we had smooth jazz in here,” Regulus narrowed his eyes and slowly pushed up from where he was sitting, crossing the space with a calculated slowness. “You should throw it out, it's awful.”

“I'm trying to be romantic!” They both laughed at James' playful defensiveness, before Regulus’ expression returned back to his signature scowl and 'I'm-too-good-for-this-shit’ glare. When Regulus reached him in the middle of the room, James grabbed his hand to spin him around in a circle, leaving him stumbling to regain his balance like a baby deer.

“James!” He protested, trying to rip his hand away as James only pulled him closer. “What are you doing?”

“Forgetting,” He smiled. “Come on, Reggie, dance with me. Just for tonight, let’s forget. Tomorrow we can go home and worry about everything else, just let me have this, alright? Let me have you for a little while.” He felt Regulus hesitate before he started to soften in his hold and begin to move with him, swaying to the music as he let himself go. “Just for now, there's no war. There's no pressure, there's no Bellatrix, no nothing. Just us, okay?" He closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to Regulus' temple, letting his mouth ramble on even when he no longer made any sense. "Let this be us, let this be the moment we remember, the moment the world remembers, hm? Nothing after this, nothing before, that doesn't matter. Just let me have you right now.”

Any protests Regulus had died in his mouth at the earnestness of James' rambled speech. He let go of all pride holding him back and allowed himself to be led into a gentle slow dance. As a more upbeat song began, James chose to get more sudden and dramatic with his movements, causing both of them to laugh and slip out of their careful, well-trained movements and into more of a relaxed amalgamation of fun steps and turns. It wasn't as if anybody was watching, so what was the point in being refined and strict with it?

They danced their way through the first side of the record and switched it over with an absent flick of James’ wand, not stoping for even a moment lest the atmosphere be crushed.

For a small moment in that room, all lingering worry either of them harboured was replaced with the soft sound of laughter as they danced their way through the night in the otherwise sleeping castle. Joyful smiles and heartfelt 'I love you’s were exchanged while the rest of the world held its tongue, for once simply letting them live.

[perpetualproductions]

Never Be The Same- Chapter 8

Stay

- The weight of recent events weighs on everyone, as the couple tries to take a moment to themselves to escape it all... But nothing lasts forever.

(Title Song: Stay by Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko)

[a/n: A short one. But a doosey. Sorry it took so long. Enjoy.]

CW: Angst. Miscommunication. Overall high emotions.

2.1k words

<-Previous | Next->

The whole car ride home is spent in silence, the heaviness of the situation weighing down on them all. When they eventually pull up to the apartment building, Marie turns off the ignition and no one makes a move to leave yet. After a moment, Jordan starts to get out of the car, but Marie reaches over, placing a hand on their shoulder. Jordan halts their movement, looking back at Marie with a tired and questioning look. Marie looks back to Emma before addressing Jordan. “Hey Em, can I have a minute with Jordan please? We'll meet you inside,” she asks her friend softly, giving her a look that Emma notes, giving back an understanding nod.

“Take all the time you need.” Emma says, giving Marie a reassuring pat on her arm and getting out of the car, leaving the couple to themselves. 

Jordan keeps their eyes on Marie the whole time, waiting to see what she wants. As much as they loved her being back in town, they were admittedly drained (especially emotionally) from their interaction with Andre. Once Emma is inside the building Marie faces forward and starts the engine once again. This earns a confused look from Jordan. “What are you doing?” They ask.

She looks over at them for a second before pulling out and driving back onto the road. “We're going somewhere. Put on your seatbelt.” She adds, simply, not giving Jordan anything to go off in regards to her plans here.

They reluctantly put their seatbelt back on, sighing. “Can I at least know where you're taking me?” 

Marie glaces over, noticing their tense yet exhausted demeanor. “Relax Jordan, I'm not kidnapping you. It's just a short trip. Trust me.” 

Well they definitely trusted her, there was no question about that. And they would argue that this definitely is a kidnapping, but they really weren't feeling up to it, so they relented. “Fine. Whatever…” they sigh, facing forward to the city night streets, trying to see if they could guess where they were headed. 

They'd been driving for almost 20 minutes now, Jordan now giving up on trying to find out where Marie's taking them. The car eventually slowed to a stop, Marie killing the engine and taking a breath. Jordan looks out the window, surprised to find themselves at a park, obviously empty this late at night. “A park?” They ask, turning to look at Marie. 

“Yup.” She responds, taking the keys out the ignition and getting out of the car.

“Okay… why?” They yell after her, also getting out of the car to follow her. Marie doesn't answer them as she makes her way over to the playground, Jordan just behind her. She stops at the swing set, a soft smile finding its way onto her face as she goes to sit down on one of the swings. Jordan takes note of this, looking around, trying to pinpoint what was possibly special about this place. “Um, okay…” Jordan goes to sit down on the empty swing on Marie's left. “Why here?” They ask softly, sensing some emotional significance to this place. 

Marie sighs, before pointing out towards the street. “I used to live just down that road. Before… you know.” She finally looks over to Jordan, meeting their soft gaze. “My sister and I would always come here to hang out whenever we could. She loved these swings.” Marie looks down for a moment, getting a bit emotional reminiscing about her sister. She clears her throat, attempting to recompose herself. “Anyways, anytime I had a particularly rough day, I'd sneak out at night and come here. It's just so quiet and peaceful at night. No one is around to bother you this late.” She shrugs, “I don't know, I thought maybe I'd show it to you and maybe you could use it too-” Marie's ramble is cut short by Jordan, who's now standing in front of her. They move forward, wrapping her up in a big hug, Marie quickly reciprocating it.

Jordan squeezes her tight, burying their face into the crook of her neck, holding her as if they were afraid to let her go. “I missed you.” They mumble to her.

Marie nods, holding on to Jordan as much as she can. “I've missed you too.” she whispers back. Marie nestles into Jordan, feeling right at home in their arms, but a sniffle coming from them causes her to pull back a bit. She's met with a teary eyed Jordan. “Jordan, hey-”

Jordan immediately pulls back, clearing their throat as they wipe their eyes. “Sorry- Sorry, I just-” They switch into their male form, backing up and turning away from her as they try to recompose themselves. 

Marie sighs, shaking her head as she gets up from the swings, stepping closer to Jordan. “No, don't do that, not with me Jordan.” She reaches out to them, to turn them around, which they let her do. 

Jordan looks at her with a tired, tear stained look. They sniffle again, wiping more tears away. “Sorry, I know, I- I'm trying. I'm just…” they take a breath, looking up at the starry night sky for a moment, before looking back down at Marie. “There's just a lot, it's all just a lot. And you know how I get when there's a lot going on, I- I push it all down, I self-destruct or whatever, but-” they pause their rambling for a second as they step closer to Marie, placing her hands into theirs and gently holding them. They look into her eyes as they try to slow themselves down. “But right now… I'm not. Right now, I'm just standing in a park, with you, and- and nothing is moving but me and you. Just- just let me be here, in this moment, with you.” They bring her closer, running their hands up her arms to her elbows and touching their forehead to hers. They look deep into her eyes as their warm breath intermingles with hers in the cold air. “Just for tonight, let's just be here... Please.”

Marie just looks at them, a soft, understanding look on her face as she reaches up to hold Jordan's face in her hands, gently rubbing the tear stains off their cheeks with her thumbs. “Okay.” She whispers, giving a small nod.

Jordan sighs in relief, leaning into Marie's touch. “Thank you.” They whisper back, dropping their hands to her waist, just basking in her presence. 

They stay like that for a couple minutes, holding each other as they gently sway side to side. The warmth of their embrace keeps the cold night breeze at bay as Marie focuses on the sound of Jordan's heart, the steady beat bringing her a sense of comfort that she hasn't felt in a while. She instinctively pulls them closer, wrapping her arms around them, heads resting against each other. She can feel their breath on her face as she leans up, Jordan meeting her halfway till their noses touch. They stay there, lips hovering less than an inch apart from each other. They're hesitating. A few months ago they would have never hesitated to kiss one another, but at this moment, the last time they kissed was weeks ago. They've just been apart for too long. So what were they waiting for? Jordan thought before closing the distance between them, not wasting another second. Lips crash together as they melt into each other, the kiss immediately deepening as they grip the other as if it were the last time they ever would. One of Jordan's hands gently holds Marie's jaw, the other gripping her hip as Marie's hands tangle into Jordan's hair, keeping them close. And it's as if everything is right again. Any and all problems and troubles going on in their lives fade away. There's no work or college or Vought, and they aren't miles away from each other. It's perfect, they're perfect, this moment is perfect. But then, a small nagging thought reminds Marie… perfect doesn't last. 

The thought worms its way into Marie's head, ripping the curtains down and blinding her with reality, her responsibilities. As perfect as this moment is, as much as she loves Jordan, she knows this can't last forever. She's been wrestling with these thoughts for a while now. She wants it to last, she wishes she could stay here in their arms forever, but she has to go back to Maryland, back to school and work and… Annabeth. 

In between all the chaos of balancing school and work, she resumed her search for her sister. She has found something, a clue. She saw a photo from a Facebook account, she recognized a face that could belong to a slightly older version of her little sister. She wasn't tagged, but she tried her best to follow the rabbit hole, figuring out the others in the picture, who took the picture, where it was taken. It could be leading to nothing, another dead end, but Marie feels it, in her gut, that she's close to something. She can't give up on that. 

Jordan feels Marie tense up in their arms, causing them to pause, pulling back to make sure she's alright. Their eyes meet for a second before Marie quickly shifts her gaze away from them. She takes a step back, putting some distance between her and Jordan, but they follow her step, reaching out to hold her arms. Jordan desperately tries to get Marie to look at them, gently squeezing her arms to get her attention. Marie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She reminds herself that she can't get pulled back into the moment, or she might never be able to leave. They've had their moment, and they'll have another one the next time she can visit. They're busy people, they both have responsibilities that they can't ignore. They can't stay.

Jordan doesn't even bother speaking. They've had their fair share of arguments today. They knew she was gonna pull away again, like she always does. They know she has to drive back to Maryland in the morning, but they thought they had more time, that maybe they'd be able to convince her to stay just a little longer till she actually had to go back. They know her schedule, basically memorized it, and she doesn't have any classes tomorrow, and she can afford to miss one shift to spend time with them, cause she hardly ever does anymore. Of course Jordan is thinking the worst, that she's leaving them, finally fed up with them, moving on with her life. But no, that's not Marie. She wouldn't do that, would she?

Regardless, they've been here before. They know why she isn't looking at them, but still they stare at her, begging her to look back, just this once, and just stay with them. They take a breath, stepping closer and holding her jaw in their hand, trying to get her to look up at them. She lets Jordan lift her head up, as she steadies her breathing, preparing herself to look them in the eye. She opens her eyes, looking right at them. As much as it hurts her to look into their deep, pleading eyes, she knows they'll understand. If anyone understands prioritizing academics and future career, it's Jordan. It was one of the many things she admired about them. And Jordan would understand Marie focusing on finding Annabeth, (Though, she hasn't told them yet. She was trying her best to not get her hopes up. If this path actually leads somewhere, then she'll tell them). Besides, this will only hurt for a moment, but they will be back together again. They always come back together. That's what she holds on to as she steps back, gently pulling herself out of their hold. “I have to drive back to Maryland tomorrow. We should get going.” She speaks in a flat tone as walks past Jordan and back towards the car. 

All Jordan can do is watch as she walks away from them. They hate seeing her walk away. They used to not mind because they knew she'd always come back, but this time… they weren't so sure. 

— 

The ride home is spent in complete silence, neither of them wishing to acknowledge the multitude of unsaid words they really should be communicating with each other. Once they get back to the apartment, Marie b-lines to Emma's room, closing the door behind her before Jordan could do anything. They sigh, switching to their fem form as they shove their jacket off and throw it on the couch. They walk over, pausing for a moment as they contemplate walking into Emma's room, but they give up, walking into their own room and slamming the door shut behind them. 

…She was gone by morning.

--

[Finally did the thing! So sorry it took me so long to upload this. Things just kept getting in the way. But here it is! It's a pretty short one, but it's also filled with angst. Thank you so much for reading my stuff, I'm glad people are enjoying it. And a huge thanks, once again, to Venus @minthandsoap 💜 for helping me out big time with this fic. I'm considering this the end of this act of sorts. Kinda. Really just me saying the next update won't be for a while. Kinda waiting till life calms down a bit, so maybe around august. Until then, thanks for reading.]

Much love, 😎👍❤️

-PB

[gemapples]

see you in 2024 💗💗

very personal ramble about my year and experiences, etc. under the cut. kind of neg just a warning but if anyone would be willing to read it the whole way through i'd appreciate it so so much

2023 was certainly... a year for me. had many highs but a Ton of lows, went forward one step but took two steps back. i'd be lying if i said i didnt struggle and know what to do for a lot of it

i did get to meet and even become friends with people i look up to, got to learn new things i didn't know before. and one of the problems i noticed throughout this year is i spent way more time than i needed to focusing on my usefulness for others and what i can do for people rather than prioritizing myself and my mental health. i think a lot of problems i experienced in 2023 was due to me getting too caught up in how i'm perceived by others (especially on social media like tumblr). for 2024 i want to work on this and be sure to put myself first in every situation and be the best person i see myself as -- not overdo it for the sake of others. i'm going to try being more straightforward with myself and how i choose to approach people. i want to be more involved in this fandom and get to know more people who love kirby better rather than just hiding away and watching from the side like i have for many years, waiting for them to approach me first at some point. i made a lot of progress on this a lot in 2023 but i could always be better :')

regardless though, i wouldn't have been nearly as ready to get back on track if it weren't for the support you all have given me throughout this year. august and september were two of the worst months i've ever experienced; i won't get into it (if you know you know), but goddd was it harder than i can even describe. i've never had to go through something that resulted in me questioning my Entire artistic ability, my whole worth, and whether everything i've grown and learned from is just completely fake. i couldn't look at my work and all of my social medias without being completely disgusted and disappointed with myself. i'm in art student too, so you can imagine how fucking hard it was to balance and muscle through that as well lol. it was nothing but hell. if i didn't get the support i did from everyone, i can say with full confidence i wouldn't have been able to pick up my pencil phone and get back to drawing Nearly as quickly as i did. in fact, i probably would still be deeply effected by it and not have the motivation to continue posting for at least a long while. so i seriously can't thank you enough for that. all the words i was told still stick with me to this day and gave me a reason to keep pushing and learn to better understand myself

im tearing up as i write this so i'll have to cut it short LOL but i want to express how deeply it means to me that through all the conflict i've experienced throughout this year, you guys were there for me and were so generous to offer your time to support me and help me out. knowing i make at least one person smile and enjoy what i post is enough for me. hopefully 2024 will be easier on the emotional rollercoasters, i think all of us could use a long break from chaos really lol

thanks for everything and i love you

-mac

[non-plutonian-druid]

[ID: 11 doodles of Umbrella Academy characters in a style imitating the webcomic Paranatural. Allison, Luther, Diego, Klaus, Viktor, and Lila are drawn as kids, approximately 12 yrs old. Ben is a similarly aged ghost. Hazel, Cha Cha, and the Handler are present as well, all looking vaguely villainous. Five is drawn to be maybe in his twenties. All of them have colorful smoke rising from them indicating the powers from Paranatural, except for Viktor and Lila, for whom the smoke is white. End ID.]

Look, a Paranatural au! I wish I had been hit by this muse in time for Masked Author/Artist, but alas it was not to be. If you've read Paranatural is you can probably guess.... basically everything there is to know about this au. If you haven't read Parantural, you should!! It's a wild ride! But also I rambled for a super long time about it under the cut

Everyone has cool spirit powers and can see the dead, so Klaus isn't special sorry Klaus. I'm making up for it by making him directly possessed by a spirit that gives him superpowers, instead of everyone else who has to use a possessed object to get superpowers. I didn't put a ton of thought into what Cool Accessory (possessed object) to give the kids so I could change that later, but for now Allison has a megaphone, Diego has a yo-yo, Viktor has his violin, and Luther doesn't have anything because his dad thinks he needs to learn to control spirit energy on his own. Klaus doesn't have any either because he's possessed directly. I adjusted the rules of Parantural slightly because [Paranatural spoilers!!] in the comic someone with white energy can connect with spirits whose energy is any color. Viktor's should absolutely be white by show rules, but that power set suits Lila a lot better. So in this au, the rules are adjusted so that white can only connect with white, and Lila's is actually colorless (IE, it only looks white now because the background is white). She can't bond with any one spirit for long, but she can bond with any of them for a short time.

Hazel, Cha Cha, Five kind of, and the Handler are all members of a version of Paranatural's Consortium, which I'm just going to call the Commission again because why not. As you may be able to guess, it's slightly more villainous in this au than the Consortium. I wanted AJ to be a high ranking member, but if I made him the Handler's spirit then we wouldn't get to see him ever, so I made him Five's. This was before I remembered that people possessed by spirits look more and more like their spirit over time so the fish head thing could still totally work, so I might revisit that. Hazel and Cha Cha's spirits look like thier masks, of course. I didn't spend much time on the mask/spirit redesign so they're not as fun and funky as I'd like, but they're still reasonable stand-ins. The Handler is this version of the Boss Leader because.... duh. If you've been keeping up with Parantural and are wondering about how That One Thing About Boss Leader translates... I haven't decided yet.

Five is the Mr. Spender of this au. He is possibly the least Mr. Spender-like character to ever exist, but look me in the eyes and tell me that acting as the teacher-supervisor of a club of unruly kids that can see ghosts who is secretly part of a nefarious (?) organization is not where he belongs.

I have a few more doodles of this waiting in the wings! Mostly of Five because I love him. But also if you have stuff you want to see, send it in. No promises I'll draw your suggestion, but the main obstacle between me and drawing more of this is not having concrete ideas for situations to put characters in

[happyk44]

Reyna's entire arm is covered in weird scars. No one really knows how to ask her about it - probably some odd quest she and Jason went on as kids. Then one day she walks into their biannual argo 2 group meeting while Jason is pacing back and forth while Leo is chattering up a storm about some project, using words only Annabeth understands.

Jason isn't really the type to pace, that's more Leo's and Percy's thing. He's more like Annabeth, sat down with tapping feet and fidgety hands, hyperfocusing on one specific thing to keep from going insane. But there he is far in the back of Percy's cabin. It's back and forth, from wall to wall. He chimes in with a clipped tone at times. It's odd, but no one calls him out about it. He seems stressed. Drawing attention to his stress tends to only heighten it.

Then Reyna barges in. Her question, "Where's Nico?", goes answered by Hazel, but she doesn't turn around and walk out. Instead she catches Jason's speedwalking form. A scowl immediately cuts her face. She stomps through the group's impromptu circle on her way towards him.

"Jason!" she barks, hiking up the sleeve of her left arm. The scars are much lighter than the rest of her skin. "Arm!"

Jason draws short. His eyes are wide when he looks at her. Then an annoyed draw of his eyebrows. But before he can say anything, she grabs him by the back of his head, dragging him down and shoving her arm into his mouth.

Suddenly the scars make much more sense.

There's a moment where nothing happens. Jason just looks pissed off, Reyna is unbothered, still holding on the back of his head, and everyone thinks he's going to detach and snap at her with whatever annoyance is glowing in his eyes.

Then a guttural snarl rips out his chest. It's more animal than human. It takes a minute to realize Jason was the source and not some emergence of a creature from the shadows. He bites down and Reyna barely flinches. She draws up to the balls of her feet as Jason rises with her arm in his mouth. Her other arm falls to her side. With a roll of her eyes, she sighs and turns to the confused group before her.

"When we were younger and he'd get overstimulated and agitated, I'd let him chew on my arm," she says, like it's the most normal thing to say about a childhood. Then again only two of the demigods in the room had vaguely normal childhoods, so it's not necessarily out of place.

"Why not just get a chew toy?" Piper asks. "Or a bone?"

Jason drags his teeth down to Reyna's wrist. She squints at him and he pulls back up a bit. "Because Jason likes fleshy things and it's less creepy to chew on your friend's arm instead of the dead rabbit you caught and ripped the head off.

"Jesus Christ," Hazel mutters.

The neutral look on Reyna's face remains. "Exactly."

Frank grimaces when Jason draws up to her shoulder and a weird noise clicks in the air. Leo has already moved on and is rambling about his latest project again, Annabeth turning away from Jason and Reyna to listen in. Percy eyes the two for a bit before going back to placing star stickers all over Piper's face.

"Doesn't that hurt?" Frank asks, slightly drowned out by Leo's loud chatter.

"I still a feel it, but it stopped hurting after the third time," Reyna says. A bit of blood drips down her skin, Jason's eyes wide and feral. "Apparently I have a degree of nerve damage in this arm, which is why-" She cuts her gaze back to Jason who is uninterested in anything else but chewing her skin like he wants to rip it open and eat it. "-he's not supposed to go near my hand."

He chuffs around her arm and bites harder into her bicep. She flicks his forehead. It lasts another minute. By the end, the others have drawn their focuses back to one another. Jason drops Reyna's arm out of his mouth like a cat giving a rat to its owner. They knock their foreheads together. Jason rubs his cheek against hers, then draws back. There's still a simmer of something in him, but he's not pacing like he's trying to catch up on his steps for the day.

Reyna marches back to the door and repeats her initial question. Annabeth answers with a wave goodbye. In the back of the cabin, Jason has relaxed in a slump on the floor. No one questions him, but eyes are drawn and Leo fades off for the first time since they all sat down and asked, "What have you guys been up to?"

However Leo is never silent for long, and shouts, "Are you gonna start biting my arm? Because I've kind of been thinking about mangling it up on purpose to make myself into a bitching cyborg."

All three girls reach across to swat him across the head at the thought, but he just ducks it with a laugh. James draws up out of his slump. He stretches long like a dog waking up from a good nap, and crawls over just enough to drop his head into Frank's lap. He reaches around to grab his hand and drops it into his hair. Frank rolls his eyes but starts petting.

"No," Jason says, tone clipped. "I stopped doing that when I was like thirteen."

Frank tugs once at Jason's hair. "When did you start?"

Jason's eyes slide close. "When was I given to the wolves?"

Hazel's nose wrinkles. "Those poor fucking rabbits. Did you at least eat them?"

A wide grin splits Jason's face. Then he shakes his head and twists over a bit so Frank can cover some more ground in his pets. "Of course," he says, half into Frank's belly. "But I've got other things I can do now." He doesn't elaborate on the other things. "Camp's just loud. I forgot."

Before Leo had launched into his latest project spiel, Jason dropped that he was meeting with minor gods across the country. Touring cities and states alone certainly approached more silence than the screeching and yells of kids calling out to one another from several feet away. Or the constant clang of swords, the breakout of musical renditions from the Apollo cabin, or the braying of pegasi and unicorns.

"Jason, you grew up around wolves and Hannibal," Frank laughs, "And you don't like noise?"

Jason gestures to his ear. "Sound carries on air. I hear a lot more than everyone else."

Oh, they all think, then grimace at memories of embarrassing noises they've made when they thought they were far enough away no one else would notice it.

"It's more... in-depth," Jason adds quiet. "Like the flap of a butterfly's wings. And the last few gods have lived closer to the nature. Quieter, solitude." He laughs a quiet wisp of a laugh. "And then I come back here and it's more than just leaves rustling." He's quiet for a breath, then, "It's noise. And it's like it's inside me."

"I get it," Percy says. "I have whales trying to talk to me and that goes right through my bones." He shakes his head, voice quieting down. "It is hell."

Jason's knees draw up closer to him, his face twisting further into Frank's lap. "Yeah. It is."

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Character voice

Thanks to @willtheweaver here and here, @somethingclevermahogony here, @the-golden-comet here and here, and @illarian-rambling here, and @mysticstarlightduck here!

Rules: write the given line in the voice of your characters!

I swear I don't let these build up intentionally! It's just that I seem to only get tagged in giant spurts and it's only when I'm busy! I get tired and it's hard to think about these responses.

Anyways, under the cut.

"Don't worry! I'm fine! (Lie)"

Lexi: "Nononono, seriously, I'm totally fine! No need to worry about me! I know what I can and cannot handle."

Maddie: "Why is everyone worried about me? I'm fine. Wade healed me. Who cares?"

Ash: "Pfft. Cmon, there's no need to worry, Lex. If there was a problem, I'd stop it. No need to worry."

Gwen: "Thanks for your concern, but I really am okay."

Robbie: "I already said I was fine, dude. Stop worrying, haha."

Akash: "Ha, I'm fine. Like, I get it, you're worried, and thanks, but really though - I'm okay."

Jedi: "While I appreciate that you are concerned for me, I really must insist that I am in no need of it."

Carmen: "I'm fine! Leave me alone!"

"Stay with me, help is on the way!"

Lexi: "Nononono, don't pass out! It's okay, you're okay you're okay.... We'll help you. They're coming and... And then you'll be fine." This is mainly for herself.

Maddie: "I think you'll be fine. Help is coming." She doesn't believe it.

Ash: *does this telepathically*

Gwen: "Shhh, hey, it's okay...it's okay.... You'll be fine. Stay with me... help's on the way.... You'll be okay."

Robbie: "Hey, hey dude... you'll be fine, just... Hang in there until help comes."

Akash: "You'll be fine. No need to worry. We just called for help. They'll be here soon." He also doesn't believe this.

Jedi: "You will be healed soon. You are not going to die. There is no need for concern."

Carmen: "Just shut up and focus on not dying. Help will come and you'll be fine." She's genuinely panicking.

"I refuse to apologize!"

Lexi: "I wish I could apologize, but I don't think it'll do any good now."

Maddie: "Why would I apologize? I didn't do anything."

Ash: "Wait, you want me to apologize? Why?"

Gwen: "I'm not going to apologize for doing what's right."

Robbie: "Pfft, what?? Apologize? Why would I?!"

Akash: "I'd apologize normally, but I'm with Robbie here."

Jedi: "I do not understand why it is necessary for me to apologize, so I will refrain from doing so."

Carmen: *scoffs* "Apologize?!"

"We've run out of time? GET SOME MORE, THEN!"

Lexi: "WHAT?! We're outta time??? How???? Oh, man, I wish there was more time!!!"

Maddie: "We're outta time? Oops. Wouldn't it be funny if we actually ran out of time? It's a weird statement if you think about it."

Ash: "Wait, since when is it [this time]? Why am I always running out of time to do stuff?"

Gwen: "Huh?! *Checks time* Oh, no, I'm late!! If only I had more time..."

Robbie: "What time is it??? Shit!!! Shitshitshit--- (mumbling to himself) gotta get distracted all the time... Running out of time... Dang ittttt.... Wish I could just add more time..."

Akash: "It's WHAT TIME?? Oh no, there's no way. No way. Time is not that short."

Jedi: "Huh. It appears it is well past the time. That is rather unfortunate...." He's really upset.

Carmen: she makes it her mission to always know what time it is.

"Don't do that. Seriously. DO NOT."

Lexi: "No!!! That's illegal/you're gonna get in trouble!!!"

Maddie: "Stop doing that. It's annoying."

Ash: "Will you stop!? That's annoying."

Gwen: "Hey, uh... I'm not sure if you should be doing that?"

Robbie: "Dude, you realize if you keep doing that, you're screwing everyone over, right?"

Akash: "Man, you gotta stop doing that, you look like an idiot."

Jedi: "I...would advise you not to do that."

Carmen: "Do NOT DO THAT!"

"Didn't think you had it in you to be this petty. Nice!"

"Fuck, I hate this job."

Let's pretend that they all have jobs. Despite only Jedi and Carmen being adults.

Lexi: "Ugh, this job is kinda dull. And lonely. I don't really like it."

Maddie: "This is boring. It's like the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. I hate it."

Ash: "This job is kinda...meh, I guess. Dull, maybe? I dunno, but nothing is happening. I kinda hate it."

Gwen: "I know I'm doing good work, but...I dunno, I just... I don't feel it, y'know? Fulfilled? I feel like I'm getting drained every day, and I dunno what to do about it."

Robbie: "I can't take it anymore, okay? It's just... So boring and repetitive and-- and I dunno, I can't do it. I feel trapped or something. I hate it."

Akash: "I don't think I can do this job anymore. I'm tired of being alone all day doing these stupid tasks."

Jedi: "Carmen, I... I am starting to not quite like our job. I am...unsure if what we are doing actually possesses meaning." (If only he could just come to this conclusion now)

Carmen: "You think I like this job?! I can't stand it!" (Cmon Carmen let it out...)

Lexi: "Wow. That's a little petty. Though I guess he deserved it. Just wasn't expecting it from you."

Maddie: "Ha. That was petty. Nice."

Ash: "Haha. I knew there was some pettiness in there." (She can sense it)

Gwen: "That was...a bit petty. But it was pretty cool. And I think you needed to be a bit petty."

Robbie: "Dude, that was sick! Super petty, but sick!"

Akash: "That was super petty, but super awesome. Didn't know you had it in you."

Jedi: "I will admit, that was quite the petty remark. However, I believe it was a deserved statement. I am, though, surprised it came from you."

Carmen: "Wow, Jedi. That was a little petty, coming from you. [Several seconds of pause] Good job." (She would only say this to him)

Yayyy we did it!

Tagging @melpomene-grey @riveriafalll @mk-writes-stuff @sarahlizziewrites @dyrewrites

+ ANYONE ELSE

Y'all's phrase is: "Do you think it's a good idea to pet [that animal]?"

I think this can be used either way where the person talking wants to pet the animal or who they're talking to wants it.

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites

[divorcedfiddleford]

Random but - if you were given an opportunity to rewrite Ford's character and his arc in the show (and later J3), how would it be like?

canon gay and trans

so the thing is that i think most of how ford himself is written is really really good! i just think that the writers (particularly alex) have a bias against him, and so a lot of the narrative ends up feeling like he's either being punished or being forced to atone for his past. so i'm gonna ramble and daydream for a bit but i want to be clear i actually really like how he's written in general (yes, even in the book that i have so much beef with!!)

there's very few moments of catharsis for him, and those that he gets are either short (reunion with fiddleford) or undermined by the writers' bias (the ending of journal 3 where he burns all his bill stuff but has to keep reminding us that he was stupid for trusting bill in the first place). so i think a lot of the problems i have would be resolved with tonal shifts and a few cuts, like that fucking scene in the stanchurian candidate with the mind control tie. the implication of reaganite ford is bad enough but then to have a guy who has very specific trauma relating to being mind controlled/not being in control of his own body just hand that over is really fucking stupid. then again i think that whole episode is stupid so i'd end up rewriting all of it lmao

i've said before but if i really had my way i'd cut roadside attraction entirely and replace it with another ford episode. i loved how goofy and fun dd&md was and i think if more of that lighthearted side of him was shown it would endear him to the audience more. a long time ago i had an idea for an episode where they go back to the bunker and ford basically does puppy talk to the shapeshifter who is actively trying to kill them. i never followed this idea through to its conclusion but i think it still sounds entertaining, plus it would also give more time for him to reunite with fiddleford so it wouldn't have to be squeezed in the finale.

speaking of the finale... my personal fantasy is that i'd love to have a scene stuck in there where stan apologizes to ford. it REALLY stood out to me that despite all their fighting, ford still at least says the words "i'm sorry" to stan. stan never apologizes for anything he did to ford - neither for breaking his project, nor for banishing him to the hell dimension for 30 years. i get that they were mistakes, but you still have to apologize for mistakes (and if i allow myself to get very self-indulgent for a second, i've often thought the whole story would be a lot more resonant if stan broke ford's machine on purpose). i had a whole section in here where i talked about what a scene like this would look like but it was so long... if people want to hear more about it i'll say more but it's the kind of thing that warrants its own post.

anyway. moving on from the show itself. so possibly my hottest take is that i think journal 3 should not have been published KJSHDFLGKHSDFGUIWEHRGJSDF. basically i think instead of trying to write the actual journal 3 they should have picked a handful of stories from his research era that they wanted to tell and made a graphic novel about that. i got WAAAAAAAYYYY off topic and wrote PARAGRAPHS about this but it's not related to the question you asked so i'll just summarize by saying i think it would play more to their strengths as writers, leave more to the imagination, and they could leave out all those fucking retcons that i hate

as it is, though, again, i think that ford is written pretty well in the journal. there are a few off-handed comments and lines that give me "he would not fucking say that" vibes but overall it very realistically portrays what it's like for someone to be manipulated, isolated, drawn away from his loved ones, etc. it's a very poignant story which resonated with a lot of people, myself included. again my main problem is that it's undercut with the writers being like "BROOOOO HE'S JUST LIKE ICARUS!! FLEW TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN!!!!!!!!" as though it's all his fault, and that it ends on a very moralizing "i learned my lesson" note. so really the biggest characterization problems i have with journal 3 have to do with fiddleford, but that's a whole other can of worms

anyway i hope this was... interesting? informative?? i hope i answered your question to your satisfaction. have a nice day :)

[asmallcommitteeoffrogs]

The way I see it, each life series is related to a season.

Third Life- Fall

Last Life- Winter

Double Life- Spring

Limited Life- Summer

Secret Life- Fall

Real Life- Winter?

Third Life is fall. Now, you might say, "but, Frog, what about Red Winter?" to which I point out that Red Winter was coming, but it never fully came. The Red King and Dogwarts fell before it could ever officially be winter. Third Life is also fall because of the slow decent into death of everything as well as scarcity of resources as winter approaches. It's not winter yet, but it lurks on the horizon and as things get colder, so do the players and their relationships with each other.

Last Life is winter. I haven't actually seen Last Life in a while so this might not be a great analysis but bear with me. Everyone sort of went into this season with an almost sense of scramble and knowing what was to come. The winter set in quick and they all made their groups hastily in an attempt for shelter (which ended up causing unstable alliances). The boogyman caused distrust as players just tried to survive and keep themselves safe. Everything feels inevitable and every player is aware of what's at the end. I have strong feelings about this one, but if anyone else who is more familiar with Last Life wants to add on, please please do.

Double Life is spring. Third time around, everybody is sort of starting to get used to the game and how it goes. They know what'll happen, but their attitudes are lighter. The ranchers ranch, new fresh partnerships are made, and everyone is sort of out and about. New elements are introduced such as, goat horns, allays, frogs, powdered snow, and the warden (rip Rancher's Revenge). The whole energy feels kind of excited and fresh in a way. Like just coming out of hibernation.

Limited Life is summer. I feel like I don't need to explain this one too much. The amount of water and ocean themes we get tie into the warm weather aspect. Everyone is social with each other (even if that's because of murder). I've seen this season compared to little kids playing pretend on the playground which sort of ties in with the fun and lighthearted energy. And yet the ticking timer reminds them that nothing, not even summer, can last forever (play 2000's teen summer movie trailer music here)

Secret Life is fall and it's the start of the season cycle again. Lizzie's pumpkin vibes help this theory. This season also had a sense of division to it with the secret tasks forcing people to go off on their own most of the time. In sort of a call back to Third Life, this season could be seen as a omen of what's to come in the winter, and I think that with, as the biggest thing, the Canary Curse getting broken can show that these people have changed and that they are prepared for the winter ahead and that things are going to be different.

And then I guess Real Life would be winter. I haven't quite figured out where this fits into my season theory, but I feel like it could show how this winter is different than the ones that came before. I admit, this season was too short to get a great vibe, so depending on the next season it might get cut to Fall 2.0 (cause I definitely think it's been accepted as canon and I don't want to just remove it)

Anyways those are my thoughts. I'd love to hear what anybody else thinks. I definitely could have said more about some of these but I don't want to ramble too much. I also feel like this could kind of tie into some funky things with the winners too, but I'll save that for another time.

[littleplasticrat]

Behind the canvas: Painting 'Finally getting that drink'

This is a post about some of my thoughts while painting Rugan's pin-up for this month. Some technical ideas, rambling and mild nudity below the cut.

Inspo and references

The pin-ups of Gil Elvgren are on the left, and 'Elspeth Resplendent' by Anna Steinbauer is on the right.

Elvgren is one of my favourite artists and I spent some time looking through a book of his collected work to see what ideas I could take for this pin-up project. The things that jumped out at me were:

The women felt like 'subjects' rather than 'objects'. There's some implication of hobbies, an inner life. They're often in the middle of doing something when they're captured on the canvas.

The subjects know they're being looked at, and they are taking it as an opportunity to flirt (signalled through eye contact, coquettish facial expressions and body language). It feels like a conversation between viewer and viewed.

Parts of the body may be exposed, but the eye is drawn back and forth between the subject's face and more titillating parts of the image.

I knew that I wanted to show Rugan in a similar setup, then; in this case, he's halfway through dinner and then catches sight of the viewer. His eye contact and smirk are flirtatious and mirror what you see of him in Act 1.

I initially wanted the pose to mirror Elspeth's in this beautiful Magic the Gathering planeswalker art by Anna Steinbauer, whose work I am obsessed with. Since I started taking art seriously, it's been my goal to paint for MtG, so I often try to study from artists whose illustrations I admire.

However, I didn't want to copy her pose or the composition of the piece. Don't get me wrong, I'm not above doing this - but I felt it just didn't work with the subject. The horizon line (shown in red) is very low. This is a gnome-level view of Elspeth. And I didn't want to place the viewer at the eye level of Rugan's penis.

I kept the composition similar in some other aspects though - there's still a T shape (pale green) that draws the eye to the focal point (pink). I did some sketches where Rugan is leaning forwards/sideways in the same way as Elspeth is, but I feel that this final leaning-back pose demonstrates more dominant body language and allows me to paint the musculature of his torso in more detail. This acts almost as a 'ladder' that draws the viewer's eye up and down between the two focal points of the nude variant.

Painting

I've already said quite a lot on a post that was supposed to be short, so I'll keep it brief here and write more about the painting of Gortash and Raphael (February and March respectively).

It's been quite a while since I've tackled such a detailed painting, so I had to do some research/studies to remind myself of some helpful rendering rules:

Veins beneath pale skin might look blue, but they're actually just a desaturated version of the same colour. There are other parts of this image where the veins are particularly lovely. I'll leave that to your imagination.

2. Highlights on leather are not as saturated as you'd expect until you get to the most reflective part of the material. Also, a good texture brush can work wonders.

3. I try to use as few layers as possible when painting, but I remembered the importance of putting design detail on a separate Multiply layer. Multiply allows the layer to modify/darken the layers below, so you can more easily add detail that follows the shape of the object. For example, the body hair or the snake's head going over the chest. If I were painting traditionally, I'd have had to put in a lot more effort. With Multiply layers, it's one colour. Nice! I got a great tip from @dustdeepsea about the blue-ish tint that tattoos, particularly older ones, can get. I felt like this massive tat is not something that Rugan has had done recently, so I added a Gaussian blur as well.

Well, if you got this far, thanks for reading! This is a great way for me to reflect and record what I've learned from the painting. I want to paint sexy stuff, but I also want to keep improving as an artist!

Keep an eye out for updates on my next pin-up, who will be Lord Enver Gortash. Time to practice using my hair/fur brushes 🥵🥵