#i had to change my icon on discord because i cannot get over it.

[b-plus]

sorry not to talk about my interests on this account or anything but i genuinely cannot get over how cute taiga looks in his new card. he looks SO fucking cute. dude. if i. dude. im not even upset i didnt get akira. taiga looks so cute. he looks absurdly cute

[hey-sherry]

Sherlock Holmes The Awakened Demo Thinky Thoughts

A bit late, but I wanted to share my first reaction to the Awakened demo! This is essentially an expanded version of what I wrote on the FW discord, with screenshots edited to look nicer for tumblr. I will do a separate post on the extra stuff that is normally inaccessible without Ansel. [Extra stuff post here]

So: spoilers ahead + keep in mind that the game is darker and moodier, I edited some of the screenshots so that they are clearer on tumblr/mobile view.

Sweet sweet concept art, gorgeous intro music, yay! The main theme is atmospheric and dark, giving me very slight vibes of the Sarif HQ track from DX:HR... I mean this in a good way, not in a “they copied it” way. It’s that sort of nostalgic ambience, but deeper and darker. One day I’ll stop drawing parallels to Deus Ex, but today is not that day.

The intro cinematic is pre-rendered and really good; I liked Sherlock's narration and the implication it's all in Watson's/players' hands now... He sounds more authoritative and distant than in CO.

I really liked the visual with the fly caught in the cobweb.

I did not expect this! It's a really fun title sequence and wow, we’re being thrown straight into chapter 3. I too thought it would be London but this is great 😄

WATSON!!! At this point I’m thinking, ��Oooh we're gonna play as Watson, they probably don’t want to show Sherlock just yet, I know someone who's gonna be very happy about this o,o” (ahem hem, @lucere-aeresta​) I like long dialogues/cinematics so this intro was a treat. I'll have to replay of course but it felt very satisfying to see a chunk of the story here and be introduced to the new characters. There’s a lot going on!

The receptionist

Dr. Gygax!

You can walk around a little and talk to a couple of NPCs. There’s this easter egg - it’s a Lovecraft easter egg (thanks for figuring that one out, Lucere!) The paper itself is straight from Cordona. :D

You cannot pick this letter up, but the message is very clear. May be a clue in the final game.

Who’s there...? BTW this is the exact face Sherlock gives Jon when he plays the guitar too loudly in the CO seance scene :D

OH NO. LMAO! This had me in stitches, and of course I lied. Nice American accent, you dork. The subsequent journal entry essentially saying "Watson tried to act, I guess" gave me a chuckle. I tried!  So hard! And in the en-- moving on...

Here’s how the journal looks like now. The clues have updated icons and you can toggle to sort them by type (document, conversation, item, etc.) or the order in which you found them.

So yeah, Sherlock shows up in disguise and a terrible American accent, says the iconic “Guten day,” and then he gets sedated because Watson cannot lie to save his life.

Of course. OF COURSE. Now I know someone who's going to be a bit disappointed we don’t spend much time as Watson, but that's not me. 😂 My first thought -> they heard us cry and wail about the stubble and said "We're gonna make you beg to have the stubble back" Ok, ok, you win. I'm sorry. 😭

(insert half an hour of zooming around with Ansel instead of playing the damn game) This is how the game levels look when you go out of bounds!

Found some of you in the back! And in the cells! :3 (There’s a wall with photographs of the Kickstarter backers, and a row of cells with names and custom faces - although you cannot see the characters very well at this point.)

Right, I should play. The lockpicking puzzles were fun, but I'll admit I found both of them extremely easy. But I am a seasoned adventure game fan and it's a nice little thing to do for that feeling of escaping the cells. The “Mycroft” (custom) difficulty setting does let you change the puzzle difficulty, so we are probably going to face a bigger challenge in the finished game. The settings don’t make a difference in the demo, though.

SHERLOCK. NO. PUT IT DOWN.

PUT THOSE DOWN OH MY GOD

So yeah, I think it’s safe to say he’s a full blown addict by now. Vogel, what have you done?

Ran into the guard three times, got a game over 😎 Confirmation that yeah Sherlock is still afraid of water! I bet he's gonna love the trip to America and boating around the swamps. What could go wrong.

FYI, there's a guard that you need to figure out how to get past. It's not a sneaking sequence, but you need some items. If he notices you 3 times he rings the alarm, and the game reloads

At this point I'm having fun just investigating stuff and admiring the new journal etc., it's all very nicely designed. It's awesome that we can sort evidence by type now! The mind palace facelift is so good and feels more involved than before.

Back to the game... I SQUEALED!!! 😄 duhhh

And again! Two back to back CO references, yay ♥

Well I am a smart detective and deal with the guard with my brain and not my fists. Time to yoink all of his clothes. Where did his body go? We don't ask such questions around here...

HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLL YEAAAAAAAH

ANSEL PHYSICS RESET MY BELOVED ♥♥ never fix this please never ever

(cue another photoshoot) 

The biggest tease in all of the demo: THAT EXCLAMATION MARK. Let... me... see... outfits! 😂 Lovingggg the updated outfit screen, so happy there's some gorgeous lighting in there. It looked kinda bad in CO.

Okay, back to playing the game! I LIED, more photoshoots as the inmates scream, cry, and wail all around me. Sucks to be them, I guess.

Okay, Gerda! I LOVE her new design, and her voice actress too! She was so great.

Gerda is the second inmate that we meet. She wants her friend Heidi back and until then she will not talk. The first inmate that we meet is Mauricio Napoleon, it is just a short but entertaining conversation/cinematic. We don’t talk to him any more in the demo.

He does that lil smile as she spits the worst threats at him, it's glorious

Something something Silent Hill 3 (Gorgeous!)

I try to play the mountain goat in every game and the absence of the jump button will not stop me

So I didn't take screenshots of the quite meaty gameplay surrounding getting Heidi back and figuring out what's going on, so here's some thoughts: - The updated crime scene investigation looks fantastic! The smokey green aesthetics are fitting and everything is much clearer than it was in CO. I like that we can see how many variations there are for each 'node'. The only thing I'm not sure about is the first person perspective - Sherlock's close focus mode - because I had trouble seeing what's different in the variations, and sometimes the models would push me back a little bit when they loaded. I'd move away from the node just by trying to see things and had trouble re-positioning... not a great deal of trouble, of course, but it is a downgrade from SHCO. I think the 3rd person mode like with Jon in CO works much better. This is my biggest criticism of the demo. - There was a tad too much running back and forth just to seemingly fetch a few items... this may be polished further, I don't know. It gave me old adventure game vibes where you kinda run back and forth for a few small things lol. - I wished we could use the items more directly and/or assemble things, not just have them as text in the inventory... but I understand that making a new puzzle feature may be too much work at this point - The "three clues" dialogue confused me for a moment, but so it did in CO as well so this may be a ‘me’ problem 😂 I keep forgetting that there are 3 different questions to answer, not that I need to present 3 accurate clues... hahah. - The darker overtones are soooo up my alley! When I figured out what had happened to one of the people in the casket... ooof anyway, time to find and assemble Heidi!

Him <3

Awww, isn't it cute?

BUT IT'S WRONG

Oh so wrong 😂 I did NOTTTT expect this ahahahahhhh Hands down the best part of the demo The mental health aspect of the remake was what had me a little worried, but you know what, I think it's gonna be fine 😂 Heidi is one bad bench, and Sherlock just ACCEPTING he's now talking to a demonic doll and making the most of it is just chef's kiss Love, love, love. We're all mad here.

I unlocked a reward, and what a sweet one it is! Sadly, you cannot change your clothes in the demo. The updated physics make his chain and bag go bouncing like crazy, haha.

And thank

you

for reading! Feel free to send me an ask if you have any questions.

[inkabelledesigns]

So knowing that I'm a huge Bendy fan and love some good angsty fanfic with body horror, it may surprise you to hear that I'm not actually a big horror fan. Yeah, I can't do horror movies, I don't engage in most horror games, this is literally my one thing, save for a little bit of FNAF in regards to Security Breach and Ruin.

If I think back, it's been that way for a while. When I was a kid, we went to Disney's Hollywood studios, and our family of five rode the Tower of Terror together. Now, I love yo-yo styled rides, up and downs are some of my favorites. But I hated this. The story scared me so badly, and on that day there was a thunderstorm in the forecast, it was stupid levels of scary. I refused to ever go on it again until this year. Yeah, when we went on our trip this summer, my brother in law really wanted to go on it, so all seven of us gave it a shot. I was a big wimp the whole time. X'''D I turned away from the screen during the preshow and let one of my sisters hide her face in my shirt while covering her ears. I learned something very valuable! If I can't see the horrors, it's not so scary! Audio alone doesn't get me. But I did need to cover my eyes multiple times to not see the ghosts. My brother in law was really amused when he was holding his wife's hand in a cute couples way on one side, and mine in fear on the other. Laughed the whole time. We had a great time. I also wasn't bad on the Haunted Mansion anymore. Yeah, I was so scared of sitting alone on that, but nope, I rode it twice all by myself, and it was fine, I'd dare to say I liked it.

I think back to my teenage years, and oh boy, my friends sure did like scary stuff. One of them had a birthday on Halloween, so we went on a trip to a haunted house together. I stayed in the back because I didn't like being scared. That was a weird day in general, I remember thinking one of the animatronics in it looked like one of our professors who was kind of a garbage teacher? And I pointed it out to my best friend, and she laughed. Oh, there was the birthday someone made us watch DHMIS. Yeah I cannot look at that, nope, we block out everything related to that, I can't do it. That friend didn't know me as well, so I don't blame her so much, but a heads up that it was scary would have been nice. More than I can say for how I got introduced to FNAF.

Gosh let me tell you THAT story, it's kind of a doozy. I had an ex-friend who was a big Markiplier fan, and one day he and my bestie came over, and he insisted we watch the new Markiplier episode together. He had already seen it and knew what was coming, but I sure didn't. It was the first episode of his Let's Play of Five Nights at Freddy's, the very first game. We were seniors in high school, and I was very sensitive to horror. This friend knew that and showed it to me anyway. After the first Foxy jumpscare, I was done. I couldn't walk in the dark without swearing I saw Freddy out of the corner of my eye for like two months. But the worst part was, this had been looked up on MY YouTube account, and back then, YouTube didn't have the option to say "don't show me this" or "don't recommend me this". So for months I was stuck with recommendations for FNAF, most of which had thumbnails featuring Bonnie's jumpscare. I was dead set against FNAF for YEARS, hated it with a passion because I couldn't reasonably block it out. Which is why I'm grateful for more self curating tools on YouTube and Tumblr nowadays, and why I'm so appreciative when people bother to tag things.

It's because of that bad experience with FNAF that I was very hesitant to get into Bendy. I knew it was horror from the start, and my friends who were into it were also big into FNAF. But with all their icons changed to the Bendy face, I was curious, I needed to know. The art style intrigued me, I liked cartoons a lot, I wanted to know what this was. What really solidified it was hearing Can't Be Erased for the first time over a Discord call and then looking up the music video for myself. That and Build Our Machine had me hooked, so I watched a friend play through the first two chapters, and I found myself on a journey to dig into it myself. Sammy and Alice would proceed to steal my heart, and let me tell you, the anxiety I felt when Chapter 5 first dropped, the wait to see what happened, oh gosh did I need someone to hold my hand. One of my friends stuck with me through a playthrough of the chapter over a call, and bless her, I was such a mess. X'''D I can say that Dark Revival did not have me shaking with anxiety the whole time thankfully. The Bendy books have given me a similar rush though, I was so haunted by DCTL and TLO on a first read through. Like I knew it would end badly, but the how and why of it kept me curious.

The thing is, the only horror I really engage in is a little bit of indie mascot horror, but not all of it. Some of it I don't find particularly engaging. I've got little interest if there isn't much of a story, and I'm rather particular about what kinds of stories and presentation I like. But I like this little slice of horror, it's enough. Like you would think Poppy Playtime would be up my alley, given my love of toys and dolls, but no, it's not. Haunted dolls don't really do it for me I've discovered, maybe I ought to write a story that does. I like My Friendly Neighborhood, which I know, isn't very scary, but it sure did spook me with opening lockers. I think, it's okay if I'm not into most horror things, I have a few small things I like, and that's more than fun enough. I just acknowledge that this probably surprises people given some of what I love. X'''D

[stimmypaw]

Stimmypaw reads Darkest Night! The fourth text post!

Back with these uh live reading comments! Remember those? yeah! I'm on the fourth book of Warrior Cats: A Vision of Shadows :D I read The Apprentice's Quest and Thunder and Shadow and Shattered Sky and now!! I'm here :D and boy did I have a time. Click read more to see it!

NEEDLETAIL?????????

Needletail???????????

What?????

OH???????

Wh THIS GUY IS TALKIN 2 DEAD PEOPLE????

HOW WHO IS THAT

OH MY GOD

These guys are weak and dumb skyclan is epic and sharing the territory with them is good, but of course sparkpelt isn't dealing well with change wink wink nudge wink nudge nudge huh???? (this is a nod to how I project into her and say shes autistic)

I am getting anxious for tinycloud SERIOUSLY how much longer until those kits??? Everyday you show up and its WOW my tummy ssure is HUGE AND BULGING I just Wonder Oh When They'll Be Born, probably pretty soon!!! :) and then they arent!!!! Birth dammit!!!

Cherryfall cut the sick and hurt cats some slack jeez youre Fine, youre not feeding half the forest and you have THREE medicine cats ready to help you if youre not feeling well

Bastard Cherryfall I hate you /lh

Dovewing and Tigerheart have relationship drama again. What is UP with those two I simply do not understand them

Watching Bramblestar trying to control this bizarre situation is actually funny he is so close to screaming "PLEASE dont be mad :c"

SOON WHEN???? JUST KIT THOSE KITTENS DAMMIT

Get her, Alderheart

They LITERALLY said something about sharing the territory, they were like "Stars have five points baby and we need those 5 clans togetherrrr" what else do these cats want??? I know its a big change but its necessary

Wait everyone shut up that cat is named Podlight this is so important to me

Dang these cats are really still struggling :c I wish they didnt blame each other

Harestar is so cool

What the FUCK mistystar????

God what a disaster of a gathering Starclan is gonna be so pissed everyone is doing the opposite of what they should

I was holding my breath oof

I hope thunderclan gives some territory too thats too small a space for Skyclan

Oh boy oh boy oh boy i am Anxious for these Kitties

Violetpaw is me having nightmares every night

Macgyver is a heavily gringue name and I have No Clue how to say it how the hell do you say it

Update its either Mick Guyver or Mac Guyver apparently

Its fun to see how different the sisters are from one another, I love them both

I also love their mom with the name identical to puddleshine wish I got to meet her

IM CRYING BRO........M...MDB.....NFBANN.....VIOLETPAW BELONGS MY DARLING MY DAUGHTER

Sadly Twigpaw is for gender binarism 😔 /j

Twigpaw is often in her thoughts and doesn't pay attention to anything around her and I love her for that

Bad news Finpaw is gonna lose his tail, good news I can draw his tail fin-shaped

Puddleshine surgeon moment!!!

I love Graystripe and Millie

And I love that being flirty is a part of Sparkpelt's personality, I don't know what Alderheart is talking about she's always been dandelion-headed

Ok this is epic, I’m glad we’re breaking gender roles in Warrior Cats my heart dropped when the books called Briarlight cr*ppled, that’s the thing they promised not to do anymore recently right? I’m not sure but, I could use some uh less ableism on my Warrior Cats, the series is old but the newer books should be better, so yeah, good modernize these cats babyyy

OH COOL Skyclan journey!!! Fun I hope they find someone :] also fuck Molewhisker and Cherryfall bastards.

Jayfeather is gonna miss Alderheart too much for him to leave hehehe

ALL of Starclan showed up just to call out Riverclan pahahah

oooo is shadowclan haunted?????

FINALLY TINYCLOUD IS KITTING YES GOD YES GO QUEEN GOOOO!!!!

I wonder why Twigpaw wants to stay behind, there has to be more than just the camp stuff

"I wish I were more positive like Twigpaw, but at least I'm just as scarred by the death of my loved ones as my dad :] I like being like him"

Violetpaw witnesses a car crash 😔 that was a bit messy what happened to those cars also why the hell was one of them smaller was it a bike??? Or ???? Idk what's up with it!!!

Needletail just happens to have slow-down turned on for her on the discord chat so she can only say like a few words each hour :/ why the hell is she here tho Violetpaw needs to get OVER your death!!!!

This short exchange has made me love Dewpaw

Also, I love Twigpaw, I still wonder why she stayed behind tho

Ahh, is it cus she feels too estranged from her family :c ? I wish her mom was around maybe that would help

Jee Twigpaw be a tad more empathic, I can see Twigpaw struggles with that sometimes

You can't cheer him up right now he's grieving, just find him on common ground, talk to him, don't try to make him happy just try to keep him company

Oh wow finpaw that's a dangerous thing to say I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure to never be sad because people like her because she's happy and her being sad would be bad

ALSO I JUST REMMEMBRERD UH TWIGPAW MENTIONED BRIARLIGHT BUT BERRYNOSE IS RIGHT THERE???? HE IS RIGHT HE DIDNT DIE OFF SCREEN IM SURE OF IT WAIY

BERRYNOSS IS RIGHT THERE I CHDCKED!!!! HE LOST HIS TAIL TOO AND HES A GREAT WARRIOR, TWIGPAW!!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT ITS MORE RELATABLE

Okay I'm glad they're getting along this is nice

Oh look twigpaw you Are like your father :] this is cute

Skyclan begins to fish competitively I'm glad

I like it when medicine cats bicker about their leader's behaviors ehheheh, Jayfeather talking about how weak Shadowclan is, Alderheart being annoyed at his father for wanting to stay silent, the others worried about the tensions this is all cheff the kisser

Jayfeather spitting the truths about how Starclan doesn't know shit, and he is very much one to speak

Puddleshine: Rowanstar stepped up the patrols :c

Leadstar: He has warriors enough for that?? Damn good for him

Dang poor Skyclan I hope they manage stuff better soon

Oooo the girls are fighting!!!

Alderheart starclan anxiety time dang

Sheep :]

Needletail :[

I'm sad Ravenpaw isn't here, this is a lovely reunion scene but knowing Barley will be alone when they all leave breaks my heart

Oh, maybe not, but if they stay I'll be sad also cus Skyclan needs its warriors

Aw man, Twigpaw is struggling :c

OUCH

I WANT SKYCLAN 2 SWIM THO......

Omg crimes

That sounds kinda possessive twigpaw!

DOVEWING?????

T

WhHAHAGAHAHA WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

omg tigerstar 2 real

Whats he gonna do to rowanstar???

ALRIGHT THATA OVER THEN PAHAHA

Aw, I'm glad they're having fun tho, and that twigpaw sees herself as skyclan

Alderheart, as he meets someone for the first time in a while: ARE YOU OKAY???

Blackstar protagonist moment

The medicine cats: our gods are toying with us again and destiny is uncertain

Leaders: I cannot DO this right now PLEASE leave and let me care for The Real Issues

Alderheart: YOU WILL hang out at my house Willowshine this isn't up for debate

Riverclan suffered enough and it's their turn to throw a tantrum about it, honestly good for them hsghahah

Alderheart asks his father to go on a quest to check people's feet

WHAT THR HELL IS A CANTANKEROUS

Alderheart and Willowpelt sitting there watching Shadowclan fight

This is really funny

HEWWO????

Puddleshine, in his eyes: help help

I love Skyclan

Ok this sounds like it's gonna be very very fun

Mission impossible: Escape From São Paulo

Oh, is Fallowfern deaf? That's so poggers omg I wanna see more of her

Edit: fallowfern is an elder that lost her hearing with age and retired after that happened :/ boring

I love leafstar so much

Juniperclaw: aren't you gonna punish her????

Leafstar: why

Juniperclaw: when I tell rowanstar he's gonna be pissed

Leafstar: don't tell him

Juniperclaw: the fuck is wrong with you and your clan??? Where is everyone???????

Leafstar: busy

Icon

I don't trust abled people specially able-bodied people telling disabled people they just have to train harder and feeling sorry for yourself won't help.

But this is the closest to a positive message to disabled people we have ever had in warriors so I guess I'll take it but I want better

IVYPOOL!!!💖💖💖💖💕

Dang ivypool what a way to show someone you miss them hahaha

Twigpaw: uhhhh how's dovewing?

Ivypool: what do you mean did she do something illegal I'm sure she did

Ivypool is a seriously funny character WHY are you yelling at the young adult about your sisters illegal activities she doesn't know anything about it!!!!

Alderheart goes on an adventure

Feet inspector on the road!!!!

Jasper is so funny I love him

Omg what's he got against clan cats??? What's his sad backstory????

YEESSSS SPARKPELT MY LOVE 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕💕💕💕💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💕💕💕

Sparkpelt your opinion sucks but I love you

I'm really really glad they had this moment this is really sweet, they hadn't talked for a while but this is genuine like, we hadn't had this sort of relationship in so long in the books with just, dialogue yknow??? THEYRE TALKING ABOUT THINGS

And the pause Sparkpelt takes between her speaking to fix what she's saying "I'm sorry for saving you :c no wait uhh not exactly but like" this is so good so natural so fun I love you sparkpelt

I get why she has a diferent opinion on Skyclan it's good for someone close to Alderheart to have a different mindset from him and for him to have someone like uh be opposites from him a lil yknow contrats his characteristics makes both siblings fun round and full of kitty do you get what I'm saying???

I love this

I love Sparkpelt, love her lil anxious moments, love her, love that she just wants to fool around with toms and enjoys Larksong but doesn't want to get serious you go girl

They wanted to write smart-ass they wanted to write smart-ass so bad

They're doing this in the rain?????

I'm quite certain Violetpaw is a young adult by this point its valid for her to go

Wh why did you let your cat out in the rain dude!!! When it comes back it's gonna dirty up the whole place it's wet out there!!!! And the cold is gonna get in the house!!!!!!!

I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH OH LORD

That was SO INTENSE AND SO FUNNY AND SO MUCH, IM SO GLAD SHE MADE IT I GOT SCARED

Oh this is so epic

That moment when your cat nearly dies and then it runs off and you go after it and then a bunch of other cats show up and start running with it

I hope Twigpaw can see the others soon

Glad to see her keeping her medicine cat knowledge ehehehe

???????

Sandynose I hate you you are so abled

Sandynose: I don't want my son to feel distanced from his peers so I'm distancing him from his peers

DOVEWING???

SANDYNOSE SHUT UP IM GOING TO KILL YOU ANS MURDER YOU

I'm so upset with Sandynose WHY isn't leafstar seeing this WHY DOESNG ANYONE SEE THIS SOMSONE PLEASE CONFORT AND LOVE MY CHILD TWIGPAW DOESNT DESERVE THIS

Angry sad upset why

Piscina

Thanks graystripe

Ok who's dying this time

Ok no one just a background cat got hurt he will survive otherwise it would be relevant

This was intense though what will happen now???

YES FINALLY

Oh this is lovely so good they're here!!! The rest of skyclan has arrived and we are all happy together

That dream felt good

NEEDLETAIL??? AGAIN

Where were you at!!!!

What!!!

Check this man's feet how many toes are there this could be good

What

Hegshahwha what the fuck is up with this guy

Okay I like him

Ohhh THATS tree

Change your name if you don't like it you sound trans already

Yeah nothing makes one smarter like dying

This is very fun I'm excited for more of whatever happening

Twigpaw :c

HIS SNIFFLES

Oh no

Hhhhnn I want Twigpaw to be happy so bad, I hate seeing her struggles

Sandynose you are so evil and very detested by me

You can and you SHOULD feel angry at Sandynose he SUCKS and he is being needlessly mean at you!!!!! There are much better ways to bring up the possibility that maybe you'd be happier with thunderclan!!! Fuck off Sandynose

Oh so Snowbush hasn't improved, maybe he will die?

Poor Alderheart

Oh fuck there he goes

Yeah

Aw man, rip to the background cat

That was a heavy death too

Aw, I was hoping the rest of Skyclan would show up before the gathering, maybe just after it???

I wonder what's going on in Shadowclan

TIGERHEARTS MISSING HUH???

The couple was kidnapped

HUH????

Oh my lord oh fuck

Can't anyone step up to lead why do they depend on Tigerheart so much???

Jesus christ

Alderheart kills his gods

This is so chaotic and funny I'm worried as hell for shadowclan but excited a lot is happening

HI TREE AGSGAHAH

Tawnypelt >:(

Puddleshine: WAIT DONT KICK HIM OUT, CHECK OUT HIS FREAKY FEET INSTEAD

Oh dear

Twigpaw :c

TWIGPAW :CCCC Man rememebr when I said I hope Twigpaw doesn't crumble under the pressure of being happy for others? yeah

GET OUT SANDYNOSE I DONT CARE YOURE BEING REASOMABLE FOR ONCE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN LATER

:C

I'm so heartbroken for them

Uh pdhsgahab okay then

Bye finpaw

Wow that was easy for him

This is fun

I'm still sad as hell

Okay there's a lot going on right now wow

The owl scene was funny as hell to picture, this dramatic prophetic moment and the cats just "uuggh is that a prophecy??? Nooo"

Okay so

There's some shadowclan cats missing, considering the many sleekwhisker maps I'm sure she's up to no good but I have no clue what happened to the others and I hope they're okay

Wow! That was really something

Fantastic ending to a very good book its, definitely a different energy from the third but I'm really enjoying this I'm still excited as hell!!! I got worried things would get kinda bad from here but nope!!!! Very fun stuff for now this is very very good and I am enjoying it

This is definitely one of the most fun arcs I've read so far!!! The drama the stakes the little moments everything is tying together really well into a very fun story I'm enjoying a lot!

I worry for Twigpaw and hope for her happiness, and Violetshine too, hope her and Hawkwing deal well with missing her. Tree is being interesting. Alderheart wasn't much of a focus here but always fun to see him trying to solve the damn prophecy no leaders seem to care about. Mousewhisker was okay??? Lots of very fantastic turns for all events and uh let's see where this all goes next!!!

[joie-university-rp]

OOC Statement:

Hello, All.

My name is Moe, or Admin/Vice Provost O, and it was brought to attention of myself and Daisy/Admin/Vice Provost D that there was a list of claims about us, the admins, and Joie as a whole, posted a few hours ago. 

Part of me worries that addressing this will create a sort of opposite-Streisand Effect where acknowledging this brings it to the attention of a multitude more people than who would have seen it if we chose to simply ignore it. But the main goal and mantra of this RP from day one has been transparency, and I refuse to renege on that now.

The tl;dr is that these claims are falsified. They come from ex-members who, for any number of reasons, left or were removed on poor terms.

Now that the tl;dr is out of the way, please take a breath and prepare yourself for the tl.

Utilizing everything that I have at my disposal, I will dispute each of these claims to the best of my ability. 

For all screenshots, I will block out the names/icons of other people since at the end of the day, the point of this is not to expose anyone. We simply want to clear our name of these false claims. The ace flag Grant Gustin icon is me. The Andy icon is Daisy. 

During these refutes, I will be picking out specific screenshots, but, for the sake of transparency, in the morning, I will edit this post to post the full conversations at the very end.

I will be jumping around a bit, but I will start in reverse order after the cut.

False Testimony 4 has a lot of moving parts, but I will do my best to address each one. (With screenshots, when applicable.)

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #1: “It became very clear within a matter of a few weeks that they didn’t really like minority characters. I was among one of two minority charcters among mostly white males who were gay.”

To say that we don’t/didn’t like minority characters is absurd. At Joie, we have always loved and cherished all of our characters, but especially muses that tend to be neglected in the community, such as POC, nonbinary/genderqueer, and muses with disabilities. We even do our best to celebrate that by having the ability to sort our followlist via some of those identities, and by doing our best to suggest POC FCs when our current members consider picking up additional characters.

As anyone who runs an RP for a while knows, the makeup of an RP moves in waves. For example, there are definitely times when there are far more male FCs in comparison to other genders--especially in an RP like ours that doesn’t believe in placing bans on certain types of characters. With that in mind, without being able to go back and see exactly who was apart of Joie when this player joined, they are more than likely correct that there were few other POC muses. But in no way does that translate into saying that we ‘don’t like’ or are somehow against POC muses.

Similarly, I am a black female myself. Not only that, but I am plus-sized, and considered Mercedes to basically be my mirror while growing up. (Picture of my hand below as evidence.) Meaning that false claim hurts in more ways than one.

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #2: “Both an admin and another character wanted their character with Sam but Sam was interested in Mercedes.”

This claim is solely their word against mine, and it is definitely small potatoes in comparison to some of the larger claims, but I find this important to dispute for two reasons: 1, it continues to break apart this false claim that the admins in some way ‘didn’t like’ or ‘had it out’ for this player, and 2, it showcases that the person making this claim is, unfortunately, an unreliable narrator.

My dispute to this is the following: At the time that this Mercedes player was with us, I had 2 characters and Daisy had only 1. My first character and Daisy’s single character where in a slow-burn ‘will they, won’t they’ plot with each other that lasted the entire time Mercedes was there and then some. My 2nd character, Spencer, was/is a lesbian. If anything, I feel that maybe this player felt I was interested in having Spencer be with Sam because they were best friends. However, as previously mentioned, Spencer is and always has been a lesbian. So that simply is not the case.

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #3: “ It all came to a head when Jeff and Mercedes got into a fight because Jeff’s new boyfriend had hurt Sam’s feelings and Mercedes took up for her boyfriend. Jeff started being really disrespectful to her and then wrote a text to his boyfriend saying if Mercedes showed up to the sorority house he would kick her ass and kick her out by her nappy ass weave. That pissed me off. I felt like that was extremely disrespectful and racist. You don’t say things like that. It hurt me OOC as a black woman and IC as a Mercedes player But the admins did nothing.”

Thankfully, we’re to our first claim with hard evidence to dispute with. While it is true that this situation did, unfortunately occur, it is completely false to say that the admins did nothing. Here is a conversation between myself and the player showcasing the exact opposite.

(The text conversation in question was unfortunately written over so I cannot link to it, but I’d like to mention some additional things about this situation:)

Much like I said in the conversation, I originally didn’t read the texts to be inherently or explicitly intended to be racist. I read it more in the way of how talking about ‘weave’ and the like has/had started to become just as prominent in the gay community as it is the black one. But, also like I mentioned in the conversation, I recognized that she more than likely had a different background/history with the word than I did, so I wanted to still address the situation however I needed to in order to make sure that she, as the victimized party, still felt comfortable.

As seen in the conversation, she said all she needed was to get it off her chest. And even with her saying she did not need any more action to be made, I still took it a step further and spoke to the other party, gave them a strike (Joie works on a 3 strike policy except in the case of egregious offenses), and had them remedy the situation by changing the text.

To say we did nothing is, once again, just simply false.

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #4: “Then the player and their friend started harassing me. I told the admins over and over and they said there was nothing they could do. The player even lied on me with no proof ( I showed the admins proof of the hate) and the admins basically pressured me saying I was welcome to leave if it bothered me so much. I was really upset and hurt. The hate just continued and I finally had enough and left.”

Once again. It is false and unfair to say we did nothing. Even though we could not get an understanding from either party of where this quarrel came from, we kept an eye on this quarrel at all times.

The tl;dr of this quarrel is this: The harassment was something that was almost non-stop from both sides, and it would come in waves. We would be approached by one of the two players, we would diffuse the situation, and then a few days would pass, and another would spring up. It was a constant thing.

While I don’t have many screenshots, I do have some screenshots of things started to reach its peak. Within this screenshot, you can see that we did do everything in our power to fix this situation by urging the two to try to finally talk things out with admin moderators present instead of continuing to hash things out unhealthily on the dash via character bleeding.

(This came up as part of a larger conversation regarding this character’s lack of general activity and choice to bubble and have Mercedes be extremely argumentative/aggressive whenever they were on. This is the most relevant part, but, again, for the sake of transparency, I will post the entire conversation after this full statement is done)

Quick clarification: “We can see your custom status” refers to the custom status on discord. The status vagued about the situation in same way, although it’s been months so I can’t remember exactly what.

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #5: “I hadn’t even thought about Joie after I left. But they hate continued. One of the admins ( I recently found out) joined a group pretending to be me with my name and was extremely rude playing Mercedes as a stereotype, thank goodness a few people who knew me told me about it and the admin left the group. Turns out she was just there to spy on their group so they could steal ideas. ”

This claim is just straight up false. It is not even ‘misremembered’ or ‘unreliable’. It is just false. 

Since Joie started, I have not joined any other RP of any kind. Daisy has joined other RPs, but none of them have been Glee RPs, and none of them have been this weird ‘stereotype/stealing information’ claim. 

Also, if one thinks about this claim for a few seconds longer, the whole thing makes less and less sense. If someone’s goal was to ‘steal ideas’ from an RP, why would they draw attention to themselves by: A, pretending to be someone else in the community--Especially someone who plays a rarely-picked up character? and B, playing a black woman as a stereotype--something that almost all admins would address immediately? Additionally, what ‘ideas’ would someone be stealing from an RP? And additionally, additionally, if there were somehow ideas to steal, why would someone need to join an RP to see them? Nothing regarding that claim stands up to logic.

I have come to the table with screenshots left and right. I encourage this player to please give screenshots of whatever group this supposedly is/what, pictures of the supposed blog, and/or more information about which admin this supposedly was and how they know. 

Because on the off-chance that this isn’t just a completely falsified statement pulled out of thin air, it is definitely a situation where this player simply thought that we did something when we absolutely did not. Which brings us to claim 6:

‘Testimony’ 4, Claim #6: “Then they started sending hate to the Sam player pretending it was me mad at a new ship. I tried explaining that I didn’t even follow Joie anymore but the damage was done and I lost a friend and writing partner. The group the admins they are all toxic and I am still paying the price for making the mistake of joining that group.”

Much like claim 5, this claim is just false. Straight up, 100% false. Not ‘misremembered’, not ‘unreliable’. False.

And also much like claim 5, if this is not pulled completely out of thin air, it is a situation where this player simply thought that we did something when we absolutely did not. And for this claim, I actually am leaning a bit more towards it being this one.

It is obviously difficult to prove that you didn’t do something, but I have proof that the Joie main was also receiving odd and hate anons talking about Mercedes/this Mercedes player. 

I logically have my suspicions that this is the Mercedes player themselves because on August 3rd, they had been away from the RP for over 7 months, and I highly doubt a ‘friend’ would be able to know we even had a Mercedes--let alone specifically her--after all that passed time, but this is about disputing claims, not making them myself, so I digress.

If nothing else, this screenshot shows that if there was someone other than the player sending weird Mercedes-specific anons, it was not us.

With ‘Testimony’ 4 out of the way, I will move my attention to ‘Testimony’ 2.

‘Testimony’ 2, Claim #1: “Hey! I just want to warn people about Joie. I honestly thought it would have died by now with the toxic admins. I joined that group near the beginning and was kicked without a single word from the admins AFTER they internet stalked me and found out my exact location. They held, and probably still hold, a grudge against me for no reason, or at least none that has ever been explained to me. It's super creepy and I'd be wary.”

There’s actually two false claims in this one statement. I will refute them in opposite order starting with the bit that’s bolded.

The tl;dr is that no one internet stalked anyone and, more importantly, no one has their exact location. (I will explain that further after giving background to the whole situation.)

This situation is another long one, but here’s the gist: The reason Daisy and I (and originally two other admins, but they are long gone) created this RP was to leave a different RP where the admins and some members were not kind to us. Not too long after Joie got off the ground, we received 3 new apps which we then accepted. Within a few moments of meeting them in the OOC, suspicions were DMed to us (both by one of our now long-gone admins and another regular player at the time) that at least one of the 3 apps was actually a person that I’ll call Z for the rest of this story, trying to pass as someone else by using a different alias and a brand new fake Discord account. Z had a negative history with one of our players, was a part of the group all 4 admins were fleeing from, and additionally had a particularly negative history with one of our long-gone admins.

Like implied in the story, we already had a history with this person, so we knew vaguely where the person lived (in the same way that all internet people talk to each other). In order to see if this person actually was Z, we checked the ping that submitted the app (more on that in a second), saw it was from the same country we know Z had mentioned living in, and then approached them about it. 

While talking to Z, G (another one of the 3 apps) came forward to admit in a rage that they and the 3rd app, X, were all people with similar negative histories all doing the same thing in order to try to sneak into our RP.

Z and G left on their own accord while X was told by admins that they were going to be removed (more on that in a second).

You can see these conversations below.

Here’s Z’s convo:

Two quick clarifications: “Why both of you?” is me asking why both Z and X did this (we did not know about G’s involvement at this moment).

“There will be.” was me in the middle of preparing a server with all the admins in it so they could all be in the loop about this situation.

Here’s G’s conversation:

Two more quick clarifications: One, this is in the middle of a larger conversation where G came to me discussing IC problems with the player that all three of them had a negative history with (At this time, I had no clue G was with X and Z, so I was handling it like I would a normal quarrel.) Like others, I will put the whole conversation as a footer at the end, but above is the relevant part.

Two, like I said before, I am about transparency, so I’ve posted this conversation piece as a whole even though there is false info it in. Much like I will explain further in a second, no one stalked anyone. Nor was anyone harrassed past asking them why they chose to do this instead of just being truthful from the jump.

Now, onto addressing the “stalking” claim head on:

No one was stalked, nor did anyone find anyone’s ‘exact location’. We realized who Z and X were by looking at their pings. 

For those who do not know what pings are, pings are the little dot that shows up when you go on a blog that has the ‘[blank] people online, [blank] total visitors’ code on it. This thing here:

A majority of Glee blogs nowadays have them. If you click on the links, it takes you to this page where you can see your ping. 

The ping above is mine on Seblaine RPH’s blog. And I have no problem showing you this ping because it is nowhere near my real location. These pings are based on cellphone towers, so they’re vague to begin with (the really only show the state/country, and they also are usually fairly off (at least a few cities away in any direction).

This, completely readily available information that almost all Glee blogs have, is all the information that was used. The only reason it helped at all was because Z did not live in America. Something we already knew. And it confirmed that the alias we were suspicious of also didn’t live in America.

Otherwise, it told us nothing. No city, no IP address, and definitely no exact location. 

To give further context, people get more personal information when they reverse search anon hate than someone could get from this ping. And people give more personal information when they simply post a picture of themselves than someone could get from this ping.

And since there are probably some people who didn’t know that’s what happens when you go on a blog, I want to add this: 

In addition to this being something many Glee blogs have, we also (again in the efforts of transparency) have never shied away from explaining this process to our members when they ask. 

I have screenshots of me explaining this to a member in more--and arguably, better--detail below (and this is the only conversation I will not post in full because they have nothing to do with the larger convo, and their reason for asking was personal.)

For a bit of context, using this same tactic, we found, months later, that a different player had created a fake alias and was playing more roles through that account after she was told to up activity before applying for another on her main account. 

Now moving on to the other half of that false claim:

‘Testimony’ 2, Claim #2: “Hey! I just want to warn people about Joie. I honestly thought it would have died by now with the toxic admins. I joined that group near the beginning and was kicked without a single word from the admins AFTER they internet stalked me and found out my exact location. They held, and probably still hold, a grudge against me for no reason, or at least none that has ever been explained to me. It's super creepy and I'd be wary.”

Unfortunately, my conversations with X (the person I’m assuming sent this, as G and Z left in a huff on their own accord) are long deleted and gone, but I can assure that we explained to them the reason why they were removed. And the reason why I know is that because, like I said before, Joie’s mission has always been transparency. 

So once they left/were removed respectively, we explained the situation to the main OOC as well. Most of it was via VC for ease on my poor fingers (unlike right now), but there’s still enough to hopefully get my point across.

Moving on to false Testimony 3 and 1:

‘Testimony’ 3, Claim: “If you are not a gay or bisexual white Male then stay away from Joie they pretend to be accepting but are not. As a minority female I was bullied constantly and the admins did nothing. But the moment the same person bullied a white male they kicked that person out. Joie is toxic.”

Much like previous false testimonies, this never happened. It’s as simple as that. This is false.

Much like mentioned before, whenever there is a situation, Daisy and I work hard to make sure that things come to a resolution as soon as possible. 

Additionally, as I also mentioned before, I am also a minority female--specifically a black female. Why would I ever do something like that?

‘Testimony’ 1, Claim: “Joie Academy treated me like crap as well and practically told me that 'I seem like the kinda person no one would get along with in the real world'... I am surprised people are still there cause the admins are the worst and put me through so much.”

This is another testimony that is just completely and utterly false. Not ‘misremembered’, not ‘unreliable’. False.

I don’t have much to say on the topic past that that I haven’t already said multiple times over in other places throughout this.

In closing, I would just like to say that although I recognize and appreciate what Seblaine RPH is trying to do by warning people of problematic/toxic RPs, I am pleading that they please get both sides of a story before making such a bold post with such bold claims as he did.

False claims travel 6 times faster than real ones, and if the trend becomes that all it takes to get an RP to be considered blacklist-able is people sending false claims about it, Joie will unfortunately not be the last RP to fall victim to this.

To those of you who read this whole thing, I thank you.

~Vice Provost O

---

Full conversations will be posted here in the morning. I will indicate that this post is edited at that time.

[swellwriting]

tagged by @kabeswaters​ and @fortisfiliae​ love u both sm <3 <3

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? it fluctuates but right now -1 

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #anxious

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? JAKE MOTHERFUCKING GYLLENHAAL 

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? i dont know what that is hah

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i guess some people don’t know i’m type one diabetic??

6. what’s your wake up ritual? uh phone, animal crossing, fruit loops, weed

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? I watch asmr videos cuz im usually high as fuck and they knock me out lol, or i watch tiktok or pillow talk with my bf nick.

8. what’s your favorite time of day? like 9 pm?

9. your go to for having a good laugh? my boyfriend always makes me laugh no matter how angry or upset i am so i’d talk to him uwu

10. dream country to visit? FRANCe specifically Paris oui oui with my french candian bullshit

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? when they announced 5sos was touring with one direction and i had tickets, never screamed so loud in my LIFE

12. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers duh

13. vintage or new? vintage babey

14. who do you want to write your obituary? ME from the great beyond, the only other person who knows me well enouhg is nick and i love him but he is very stupid.

15. style icon? uh harry styles, devon lee carlson, halsey, bella hadid, tyler the creator some normal people whos style i LOVE  from insta are rebeccaramsdale , kehllie , kikalateefff , yourgirlneens , lilxmg !

16. what are three things you cannot live without? phone, insulin, art, music

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? probs vanilla or hotsauce, the only two flavours.

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my dead brother DJ, kurt cobain andddd ryan dunn from jackass what a weird mix.

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? loosing my senses, loosing control, the fear that i am not actually real and ... oh spiders.

20. window or aisle seat? window 

21. what’s your current tv obsession? think its gonna be adventure time again

22. favorite app? instagram or discord so i can talk to my friends uwu

23. secret talent? i can speak french and giberish

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? camping i guess?

25. how would you define yourself in three words? anxious, empathetic, creative

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my vintage star wars shirt

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? blank tees, good quality blank tees!!! white black grey mhmhmh

28. a superpower you would want? i’d wanna be spidergirl

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? nothing at all :(

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? my grade six teacher telling me that i was very empathetic as i was sitting at the back of the class crying because of the movie we were watching, she told me not everyone is empathetic like i am but its okay to be soft. but not to expect that from everyone else.

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? teenage me was a mess but not messy enough that i’d change anything. i’d just say, things get better but im currently back in the state teenage me was in so...i’d be lying. maybe that wanting to kill yourself does not count as a personality trait - and start reading comics earlier cuz u really like them.

32. a book everyone should read? i read wack books, everyone on tumblr should read fangirl tho

33. what would you like to be remembered for? something i created

34. how do you define beauty? self expression and individuality 

35. what do you love most about your body? wait people love their bodies? not everyone was severly damaged by online diet culture and thigh gap era tumblr? weird ok

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? weed or bath or a movie

37. favorite place to view art? there is an art gallery in saskatchewan that i love, i was suposed to go there this summer before corona took over :(((

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? either something short like “mellow” or fob style like “im so anxiuos all the time and nothing ever feels real and i dont know what im doing but somehow im doing pretty good while feeling prety bad and laughing through my tears lol.” or i’d steal “teen idle” by marina and the diamonds.

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar or piano because im lame at both.

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i want two moths above my knees rn

41 dolphins or koalas? neither

42. what’s an animal that represents you? im more of a pokemon, i think id be jigglypuff

43. best gift you’ve ever received? whenever nick buys me clothes from stussy or maybe infinity on high on vinyl.

44. best gift you’ve given? i bought nick the entire sin city comic series in one giant book.

45. what’s your favorite board game? monopoly

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow

47. least favorite color? that weird pinky purple

48. diamond or pearls? pearls

49. drugstore makeup or designer? colour pop and fenty

50. pilates or yoga? yoga

51. coffee or tea? tea

52. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? pumpernickle is my fav one.

53. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? MILK

54. stairs or elevators? stairs

55. summer or winter? summer, canadian winters are brutal.

56. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? ur asking someone who has very specific comfort foods so i already do this - cheese bagel toasted with cream cheese and then toasted again to melt cheddar cheese on top. with a diet coke thats very important.

57. a dessert you don’t like? cheesecake 

58. a skill you’re working on mastering? im crazy so this is a lot but - writing , drawing and painting, polymer clay, sewing, resin art and pottery.

59. best thing to happen to you today? nothing

60. worst thing to happen to you today? the line at starbucks was too long and i had to get wendys instead, and a few other things i won’t mention.

61. best compliment you’ve ever received? whenever my mom says i remind her of my brother dj, when people say anything nice about my art or writing style. when people ask about my clothes. when my friend jess called me a “known softie” uwu

62. favorite smell? lavender

63. hugs or kisses? hugs

64. if you made a documentary, what would it be about? i’d talk about star wars for hours on end 

65. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? of mice and men made me ball my fucking eyes out

66. lipstick or lipgloss? chapstickk

67. sweet or savory? sweet

68. girl crush? Zendaya

69. how do you know you’re in love? idk ive just always been in love with nick (since i was 15) before i even really knew what love was, i guess if the other person feels like home, you know ur doing something right.

70. a song you can listen to on repeat? nine in the afternoon by p!atd or a match into water by peirce the veil, over my head by fleetwood mac

71. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? harry styles that mysterious fucker

72. what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? currently not looking forward to anything becase my life is super uncertain right now ha.. maybe the release of the chaos walking movie whenever that decides to happen.

tagging: i assume yall have been tagged in this already but just incase @beskarjedi @woakiees @bluemadcnna @carolinesbookworld  @theseuscmander and anyone else who wants to do this consider urself tagged.

[sincerelyensouled]

Dani taz, Carmen Sandiego, and Mary Sage

I apologize in advance for how long this post is going to be ;;-;;

Dani

favorite thing about them I think she’s fun! Who wouldn’t love an artist who’s also into plants, a wlw, living a hotel and also a cryptid vampire creature? 

least favorite thing about them Honestly, she got so little development, I wish we got to see so much more of that. Like how long has she been at Amnesty Lodge?? Why did she get exiled from Sylvain?? What’s her favourite food?? there are so many unanswered questions 

favorite line “Aubrey you feel like home” makes me SO SOFT!

brOTP Jake Coolice bayybeeee!!! Also Barclay for some weird kitchen antics. Also Thacker! Also Mama!!! So many friends. I might have the incorrect interpretation of that Brotp is or I just might want Dani to be very loved

OTP Aubrey of course

nOTP Literally anyone else

random headcanon I think I say this literally any chance I can get but her nickname is Dandelion and only people she’s very close to can call her that! unpopular opinion uhhh.. here’s one that only might get me a callout post. At the moment, looking at canon content exclusively, Dani’s only real purpose seemed to be a prize for Aubrey. I really wish Griffin had some really rad lore to give her and I extra wish we would’ve gotten it song i associate with them Dog Days are Over by Florence + The Machine. Also, unfortunately, Riptide by Vance Joy for whatever reason. No thoughts, head song the ukulele's equivalent to Wonderwall I guess 

favorite picture of them Okay I have one piece from @/kyllu as my desktop background and it’s a drawing of Aubrey and Dani having a sleepover and Aubrey has illuminated the room with a fireball. It’s so pretty and I have such vivid memories of the first time seeing it because I was in an airport waiting for my flight home and I genuinely started crying looking at it. Also from the Davenport blog 2020 April Fool’s goof, Dani sitting on top of the roof with the caption “Tonight’s Dani misses home” is also VERY up there. 

Carmen

favorite thing about them I love older Carmens too but there is really something fun about the 2019 version actively rebelling against the way she was raised and who raised her just so she can fight for what’s right. And she’s very strong and was able to make that decision and escape all on her own! Having three “teams” in the show rather than just the two “good guys” vs “bad guys” is something I enjoy

least favorite thing about them hmmm I genuinely cannot think of anything. I am very neutral about my opinions of Carmen specifically 

favorite line ”Player, I made it. I’m off the island. I need to know where on earth I am” brOTP I *LOVE* the way her and Player’s friendship is portrayed and I can not get enough of it. They’ve been friends for over 4 years!! They call each other “Player” and “red” because that’s what they're comfortable with, no need to change it. They have a bit of an age gap but they’re still really close and they support each other so much. Geography special interest buddies. Amazing friends, respect each other’s boundaries.

OTP As much as I enjoy Carmivy I am actively opinionless

nOTP (ignoring a lot of BAD takes I see on instagram) If I see the words re//d//c.rackle one more time I am quitting

random headcanon I don’t remember how or why but one time my mom brought up the idea that Carmen has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and I probably think about it every day of my life now. It’s not based on much because my mom hasn’t watched the show but -shrug- Oh also Carmen’s hot drink of choice is hot cocoa

unpopular opinion Player and Carmen have absolutely no reason to meet up in person, do not force them to and overstep pre-established boundaries. Also, the headcanon that she and Player are siblings simply because they are both brown people who have a close bond fucking sucks. 

song i associate with them I am bad at music favorite picture of them I’m pretty sure this doesn’t actually count but there’s this one shirt we made in a TKO game that is an image of Carmen and the caption is “carsvenm sidjsnem” and I cry laughing looking at it to this day and my biggest regret in life is not being able to buy it because the shop page got corrupted before we could save the link

Mary Sage

favorite thing about them Clint just really WENT FOR IT while making Mary. The concept of her parents owning a Bible Amusement Park, the fact she’s HIDING in said park, the anger, the betrayal, being abused and used as a living weapon by the dgf, she has the highest swear ratio in all of Commitment, the fact she is I think only once depicted standing on level ground with the PCs (almost every mention of her location is her being on top of a platform of some kind because she likes to be tall and dramatic) it’s *chef’s kiss* Let her learn how to trust people again.

least favorite thing about them WE DID NOT GET HER FOR LONG ENOUGH CLINTON. Also knowing deep down that if Commitment season 2 ever does happen the first thing that will happen is leaving Mary in the middle of nowhere never to be seen again :(

favorite line “nn-where d’ya want to go?” sticks out a lot  “Everybody wants to hurt Space Cadet!” “And Mary begins to scream”  “You… Shithead! You were gonna make me kill thousands of people!“

brOTP Remy! Remy! Remy! You don’t just unload your dramatic backstory on a person you met 5 minutes ago like that and just.... abandon them. They’d be pure chaos together, unstoppable. 

OTP Nadiya uwu

nOTP Anyone else

random headcanon Mary finds a lot of comfort in hiding in small spaces. I was going to credit this to being caused by Halleluland but that makes zero sense if anything Halleluland would be a wide-open space. But small spaces are easy to keep track of, hide away from prying eyes and control everything that’s going on with-in them. Absolutely would steal all the available pillows just so she could sit comfy in a closet or something also she’s bilingual in French because rich kid in Lousiana 

unpopular opinion uhhhhhhhh no idea. I don’t think a lot of people really gave Mary a chance

song i associate with them Dirty Imbicile by The Happy Fits

favorite picture of them The one everyone (read: 3 people) in a discord server used as their icon for a couple months because we all thought it was funny (and it was). It was cropped from a comic panel of Mary seeing Kardala for the first time which was drawn by @/ 1010lilfoot

no checking for typos we die like men

[alphawave-writes]

Evil actions and good intentions chapter 12: Earthshine

Synopsis: The newly reformed Overwatch and its new recruits, Harold Winston and Sigma, 

Read it here on find it on AO3. You guys can find me on twitter or in my Sigma/Harold discord server. If you want to support me, buy me a ko-fi or commission a work from me

-

Harold never thought he’d be back here, but here he is, staring at the Xichang Satellite Launch Center again. It hasn’t changed all that much since the last time he saw it, back when he was to board Chang’e 50 to get back up to the moon. It gives him a strange sense of nostalgia as he watches this new, smaller spacecraft, aglow with a million lights, engineers and technicians preparing it for its flight. News crews are all here with their cameras pointing at the spacecraft, waiting on bated breath for the moment it launches up into the sky and disappears from sight. Everywhere Harold looks, everybody is talking about it. The world’s first lunar rescue mission. A race against time. A historic moment in the making.

And he has to go up there and literally steal the spacecraft for himself, the very man they think is trapped on the moon.

As people watch Hou Yi 1 get prepared, Harold sneaks in through the engineer side. He taps at his temple, briefly getting an x-ray glimpse at everybody else’s position. Genji and Symmetra are making their preparations at the side of the building while Tracer and Lucio are in the crowd, hiding in plain sight. Brigitte and Reinhardt and Lucio are waiting on the airship with Winston, ready to help in the charge if needed. That just leaves him and Siebren to find a way onto the spacecraft.

Harold tugs uncomfortably at the cap on his head. “I hate hats,” he grumbles.

“I know you don’t like hats, but you have to keep it together. We cannot afford to blow our cover now.”

For the purposes of infiltration, Siebren and Harold had to get disguises. For Harold, all it took was a change in his hairstyle, but for Siebren they had to go one step further. Apparently, Mei had a lot of fun putting make-up on Siebren, hiding his wrinkles and making him look younger. A cheap wig was considered, but it was ultimately decided that he looked less like himself with his bald head. Siebren, of course, had no idea how to respond to such a comment.

“Sigma, are you there?” Harold hears Winston’s voice crackle from his ear piece.

“Sigma, present and in position.”

“Good. Charon?”

Harold can’t help but smile a little. The codename is probably unnecessary, but he has to admit, he can see why Siebren’s so attached to his own. It’s another life to breathe beneath his skin. Another little mask to hide behind. “Charon here, with Sigma,” he said.

“Everybody is in position,” Winston says.” If all goes absolutely well, you might be able to get into the spacecraft without any trouble, but the chances of that are unlikely at best. Most likely, you will have to fight some guards off. We still don’t know what Talon has in store.”

“Talon has resources, but even they have difficulty in acquiring resources when it comes to space travel,” Siebren says. “I only rescued Har—Charon on their behalf because they managed to scrounge up the necessary parts for an abandoned spacecraft and secure a private air yard, and apparently that took well over a year’s worth of effort. I very much doubt they have the resources to get up to the moon by themselves. They need this mission to go smoothly.”

Winston hums in thought. “Symmetra, do you think Lucheng might have connections to Vishkar or Talon?”

“I cannot speak for Talon, but I can assure you that we have petitioned to collaborate with Lucheng Interstellar on numerous occasions, and each time we have been turned down. They have been unwilling to see the true potential of hard light in space colonization.”

“So the answer is no,” Winston says.

Satya lets out a quiet sigh before saying, “Correct. There are currently no ties between Lucheng and Vishkar. None that I am aware of.”

“Ladies and Gents, the show is starting,” Tracer announces. “Everybody ready? We gotta time this distraction perfectly, and then the show is on!”

All around him, men and women and omnics in identical uniforms do their final checks on Hou Yi 1. Each person is designated one specific thing on the spacecraft to double-check. Nobody seemed to glance twice at Harold or Siebren, to his relief. Disguising themselves as Vishkar guards was definitely a stroke of genius on his part, even if he has to force himself to wear a hat throughout the ordeal.

Harold’s eyes catch on the walkway above him, where the astronauts will enter. Through the ear pieces, Harold can hear a smattering of polite clapping. In the reflection of the glass, he can see Lucheng Interstellar’s presentation for himself, projecting through the news cameras. Within seconds he sees a projected portrait of his younger self. The CEO was speaking now, making some grand speech. Unlike last time, neither Moira nor Sanjay Korpal could be seen behind him. Instead, it was the small crew of astronauts chosen to pilot the space craft.

His eyesight still wasn’t that good even with the nanobots partially correcting his vision, but he could vaguely make out the astronauts’ faces. They were all young, wide-eyed Chinese men and women who looked like they’d rather be anywhere but at the press conference. It wasn’t too different from his own first mission up to the moon, nervous as hell, just waiting for everything to hurry up.

By Harold’s side, Siebren frowns deeply.

“What’s wrong?” Harold asks.

“I don’t have a good feeling about this,” he murmured. “Something is wrong.”

Harold is about to open his mouth to ask how, but then he heard a terrifying sound. It isthe noise of the universe, the gaping maw before the black hole threatening to swallow the world whole, the calm piano arpeggios before the storm. He stares at Siebren wide-eyed, lips tight in morbid understanding.

And then he hears the screams.

Behind him, he sees the omnic workers jolt and jitter, their eyes shining red in warning. They grab the workers and beat them up or throw them away. Siebren begins to float up, toeing away his shoes, hyperspheres forming in his hands before he flings them at the nearest omnic. Almost immediately, the omnics all turn not to Siebren but to Harold himself, red lights sparkling with resolution.

“Jade Hare…” they say in unison.

Harold takes the jet injector out from its hiding place, switches it on, and pulls the trigger. Bolts of lightning flash and flicker, zapping at all the omnics who dare come close, making them fall down one by one. With a grunt, Harold tosses his hat away and runs away before the cameras can pick up his face.

“Change of plans,” Harold calls into the communicator. “Omnics are on us. We have to break for the ship now.”

“We’re on our way,” Winston cries. “Everyone, they’re on the attack. Change to plan B: we have to hijack the spacecraft.”

“I should be able to hack into the computer systems from here, but I’ll need help,” Symmetra says.

“I will watch her back,” Genji says.

“People haven’t noticed yet, but the omnics are acting real fishy. Me and Lucio’ll cause a distraction, Tracer style,” Tracer says.

Harold almost doesn’t see the omnic rushing straight at him, but it explodes before his eyes with a well-placed volley by Siebren. His lips curl into a frown. “Pay attention,” Siebren says.

“I will, don’t worry,” Harold says.

As he runs, he shrugs the Vishkar uniform off to reveal the Overwatch uniform underneath. With a grunt, Harold connected the jet injector to his backpack, sighing when he felt the nanobots begin to activate, flowing out of his veins, into the backpack and filling the vial of the jet injector. Siebren shrugged his own uniform out, the heavier plates of his armour floating over his shoulders.

There’s a smaller contingent of omnic guards in front of them. They outnumber them, but Siebren summons a barrier in front of them to block the bullets. Harold runs forward, letting the lightning rip through their systems while Siebren launches volleys of hyperspheres as cover fire. When a bullet grazes Siebren’s armour and draws blood, Harold switches the mode of the jet injector and points the trigger at Siebren, a stream of nanobots healing Siebren’s wound in an instant.

When the final omnic guard falls to its knees, Harold’s earpiece crackles again. “We’re on-route to your position,” Winston cries.

“The press sure is loving us,” Tracer cries. The sounds of gunfire and more screams can faintly be heard. Some up-tempo nu-techno song is playing faintly in the background.

“The spotlight loves us as well,” Lucio laughs.

“Where do we go, champ?” Harold asks Winston.

“You’ll have to go to the main hall and backstage. The stairs up to the spacecraft is there.” The comms crackles off.

“Let’s hope this distraction goes as planned,” Siebren grumbles to himself. “This mission is ruined if people realise who you are.”

“They won’t,” Harold says as his eyes begin to glow gold. “I’m not the man I used to be.”

“No,” Siebren laughs. “You’ve got just the right amount of him.”

They enter the building and go through the winding hallways of the staff areas. It’s fortunately empty, apart from the few fleeing staff members, but they are too busy escaping to give them any heed. When they get to the end, Siebren uses his powers to shove the doors open. Harold stops in his tracks at the sight before him. Everybody has already fled, leaving only Tracer, Lucio, and their attackers. Reaper and Moira are here with an army of omnics supporting them, launching their own offensive. The giant screen that used to show Harold’s younger face now displays a very familiar sugar skull icon.

It’s a nightmare come true. Talon is here.

Tracer and Lucio are fast, trying their hardest to fight, but no matter how many hits they can dish out, it all gets healed up in an instance by Moira’s biotic orb or by Reaper’s abnormal healing. But Reaper and Moira are too slow in trying to fight them. It’s literally a battle of speed versus attrition.

“We have to help them,” Harold says.

“We can’t. We don’t have much time.”

Above their heads is a few smaller screens, each connected to a different news channel. On the corner of each of the screens is a countdown for the spacecraft’s imminent launch. One by one, the countdown decreases dramatically from one hour to ten minutes. On screen, the astronauts are hurriedly putting on their spacesuits, making their hasty final checks.

In front of him, Tracer and Lucio are slowing down, losing their speed. Reaper and Moira also look tired, but not nearly tired enough. Moira’s blackened hand reaches out for Lucio, sapping the life away from him. They’re distracted. He can slip past, get to the spacecraft, and finish the mission. This will all be for nothing if Harold doesn’t get on the spacecraft. But he also wants to help them. He sees Siebren’s jaw clench, the same thought going through his head.

“I’ll see you in hell,” Reaper growls, pointing a shotgun square at Lucio’s face.

The blast goes off but Lucio is still standing and alive. Siebren is in front of him, absorbing the energy round and dispersing them into dust. Harold quickly moves to join him, a small stream of nanobots healing Lucio before he flicks the gun back to attack mode as Tracer escorts Lucio out. In the corner of his eye he sees Siebren give a fleeting little smile before staring down his new foes. Harold does his best not to smile too wide.

“You two have been a real pain on my backside,” Reaper growls.

“Dr. Winston,” Moira sneers. “I shouldn’t be surprised you have picked an organization such as Overwatch to protect you, but I am surprised with you, Sigma. I thought you were more intelligent than that.”

“The purpose of my work was always to build a better future,” Siebren declares. “Giving myself up to this cause is not injudicious.”

“And you think you did not have a purpose with Talon? We saw who you really are, that is why we set you free. We’ve cultivated your mind, your abilities. Overwatch has undermined brilliance in the past, and they will do it again. It’s a place of stagnation, where great minds go to die. Do you honestly think a change of leaders will not bring up the same issues?”

Siebren doesn’t speak, the hyperspheres flickering slightly, growing darker. His lips dip for just a second.

“You don’t belong with them. You belong in a different environment, where you can grow without restriction, where no one can judge you for the way that you think.” She glances coldly at Harold. “Where you are not led astray by those who don’t know what your best interests truly are.”

Harold can hear the hitch in Siebren’s throat, quiet but unmistakable. He feels those ocean blue eyes upon his body, breaking down his body molecule by molecule, trying to find the nonexistent needle in the haystack. He doesn’t dare turn his head and give Siebren the benefit of the doubt. He can’t hesitate now. All he can do is keep his weapon trained on Reaper and Moira.

“Dr. Winston doesn’t speak because he knows it’s the truth,” Moira continues. “He’s using you. You just don’t realise it.”

“And you didn’t use me?” Siebren spits.

“Perhaps, but we never mislead you. We’ve always wanted to help you develop your research and your abilities.” Moira turns to Harold. “Can you say the same, Dr. Winston?”

“All you care about is what he can do, not the person himself. You don’t care about his well-being. You don’t care about how he feels about this violence.”

“You’re not answering the question,” Moira smirks. “Might as well be an admission of your guilt.”

“And let you twist my words even more?” Harold asks.

Harold turns his head just a bit only to find Siebren stare blankly in front of him. He’s glancing between Moira and Harold, eyes wide, a myriad of emotions flickering and scintillating. Then, they narrow, and those ocean blue eyes turn cold as ice. With a wave of his hand, he lowers the barrier and floats forward.

“Siebren?”

He does not react as he joins Reaper and Moira’s side, his head ducked in submission. Moira’s smile is wide, a curious mix between glee and cruelty. Siebren only spares a single knowing glance in Harold’s direction. Harold’s eyes widen.

“Perhaps we should restart your mental conditioning. For now, I’ll let you decide if you want to fight or not.”

“I think I will fight,” Siebren utters, his expression growing cruel, “but not for you!”

Siebren raises his hand and breaks the shackles of gravity, taking him and Reaper and Moira high in the air. He’s floating above them, the universe’s song playing for deaf ears, the back of his head glowing as he summons the hyperspheres into fruition. One hits Reaper in the side while the other barely misses Moira. Siebren grits his teeth as he slams their bodies down, but they both turn into mist just before they land. Siebren floats down to the ground beside Harold, summoning the barrier once again as a volley of shotgun pellets flies.

Moira tries to go forward, but electricity crackles from Harold’s jet injector, making her keep her distance. Reaper rushes forward, looking for an angle, but Siebren flickers the barrier in and out, tilting gravity to keep them away.

From the main entrance Harold hears the heavy thud of Reinhardt’s armoured footsteps approaching. Reaper turns to Moira, his voice tinged with annoyance. “We can’t stay.”

“Very well,” Moira huffs, and the two of them disappear in a cloud of smoke. Siebren tries to chase after them, but it’s far too late. They are gone without a trace. There’s no way they can catch them now.

Harold glances up at the countdown. Five minutes left. “We have to get to the spacecraft quick!”

Siebren grumbles to himself but nods sharply. He has stopped floating now, bare feet running on the floor as they head backstage and up the staircase. When they get to the top floor, the elevator next to them chimes. Winston, Genji, and Symmetra are there, rushing out behind them. There’s a new wave of Horizon guards in front of them, but together they cut them down to size easily.

“What’s the situation?” Harold asks.

“Reinhardt and Brigitte are at the front, distracting everybody,” Winston says. “Echo tried to hack into the spacecraft but she couldn’t. Athena tried as well and failed. We’ll have to launch it manually.”

“You know that’s impossible for Gen IV Lunar spacecrafts. I can’t fly it with Siebren alone.”

“That’s why I am coming along,” Winston says. “We’ll need all hands on deck.”

“You will require my assistance as well,” Symmetra adds. “I will not allow any more chaos or disruptions to this plan.”

“I’ll make sure no one gets into the spacecraft,” Genji says.

“But we need to get into the spacecraft ourselves and make sure they don’t activate the emergency kill switch from the control tower,” Harold says.

“Then we’ll just have to make sure we’re quick enough that they can’t activate it,” Siebren says.

They run through the hallway and into a giant room lined with glass windows. The astronauts are there, waving to the cameras but they stop in their tracks when they see them. They shout their orders in Mandarin, but Siebren curls his fingers and suspends them in the air like they’re ragdolls. They can’t do anything but speak, a litany of foul words escaping their mouths. “Bàoqiàn,” Harold smiles nervously as he rushes forward.

From the room he walks down the small runway to the spacecraft. In front of him he can see the interior of the spacecraft, which should lead up to the payload, where he can pilot with Siebren. For a moment, time is in slow motion as the lights of a thousand cameras flash onto him. As he turns his head to the glass walls, he sees his reflection staring back at him. Except it’s not really his reflection. There’s a trace of the man the public know as Harold Winston, but it’s overshadowed by someone else. A man he knows has been residing in his bones for decades. It is this man that is control, this hero that lives and breathes strength. The real Harold Winston.

He heads inside and makes his way to the payload area, getting into the front seat. The buttons and dials and switches are second nature to him, his hands moving fluidly as he gets everything prepared.

Outside he hears the sounds of a fight erupting, of bullets and blades dancing in a deadly ballet. Winston comes in soon, then Symmetra, taking their positions near the rear. Faintly, Harold hears Reinhardt’s sharp laugh of joy, and the unmistakable sound of a mace hitting a metal body.

“Where’s Sigma?” Winston asks.

Harold’s about to ask the same question when suddenly the controls all turn red. “Get him in here now! They’re already starting the emergency kill switch.”

“The guards have him trapped!” Symmetra calls. “We have to go now.”

“I literally can’t survive the trip without him. The G-force will kill me! We need him here!” Harold taps at his communicator. “Sig, you need to get yourself over here.”

“I’m…trying!” There’s a loud huff, as Siebren scrambles in, shutting the door behind him. There are rhythmic thumps as people try to hit and shoot at the door, but it remains stable. He quickly flies over to the seat next to Harold, strapping himself in. His fingers dance over the dashboard, his expression stoic in thought. “Engine temperatures?”

“We don’t have time,” Harold says. “We have to launch now before the emergency kill switch grounds us for good.”

Siebren begins to go through the motions, but is repeatedly stopped by a klaxon alarm. “It’s too late,” Siebren grumbles. “There’s nothing here that can stop it. We’ve failed.”

Just as Siebren says this, the red screen suddenly flickers in and out. In its place, a purple sugar skull appears. From Harold’s communicator, Harold hears a nasally, abrasive laugh. From the way Siebren jumps in his seat, it seems he’s the only one who can hear it.

“Ground Control to Major Tom. You really made the grade here.”

“Sombra?” Harold gasps.

“What? You thought I wouldn’t help you out? Shame, Dr. Winston, shame. Hey, can I call you Harold? Harry? I like the ring of Harry.”

The sugar skull symbol fades and the controls are back to normal. The roar of the engines is almost deafening. A computerized voice is counting down from twenty. Amidst the noise Harold laughs shrilly in relief.

“I’ll let you call me whatever you want if you can get us to the moon and back. I assume you want a favour after this?”

“Perhaps,” Sombra says, in a voice that made it very clear what her true intentions are, “but way later. You wanna pay me back now? Get back down alive and take some photos for me. Oh, and keep Sigma alive too.”

Harold turns to Siebren and smirks confidently. From his vantage point he can see everybody watches the spacecraft in morbid fascination. The countdown is ticking down. Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven.

“Ready to head back to the stars?” Siebren asks.

Five. Four. Three.

“You know what?” Harold says.

Two. One.

“I think I finally am.”

The spacecraft rattles and bobs. The engine gushes as it propels them upwards towards the sky. As they break through the atmosphere, the gravity engines kick in, the outer shell breaking away. As they get higher, the G-force gets almost overwhelming for Harold but he sees the plate behind Siebren’s head glow as he keeps the gravitational forces at bay. But even with Siebren’s help, it’s still a bit too much for his fragile body. He gets a glimpse of the Earth, wide and blue and glorious, and is able to give a weak smile before he falls unconscious.

When Harold finally wakes up, the spacecraft is already docking itself in Sector 06, right next to the Observatory. By his side, everybody else are preparing for their departure. He’s groggy, but it quickly fades away when he sees the Earth, once so near, now far away. Winston approaches him, nervous but trying his best not to appear it.

“We’re here,” he says.

Harold lets out a small smile as he grasps him tenderly on the shoulder. “No,” Harold replies. “We’re back home.”

They go through the standard decontamination process—Harold first, followed by Siebren, Symmetra, and finally Winston, who took the time to explain the process to her. The rooms are fortunately still sealed properly, as intel suggested. The number pad for many of the doors are malfunctioning and damaged, but the one to the Observatory still works. Harold places his hand on the scanner, and it opens with an audible swish.

Harold can’t help but gasp as he takes in the sight. It’s almost pristine, like it hasn’t changed at all. The Observatory doors are slightly open, the telescope facing directly at the Earth. While Winston shows Symmetra the telescope, Harold moves further ahead. Far on the other side, Harold’s office sits untouched, fake plants still green as ever, files in the same place he left them all these years ago. He walks over to his desk, his fingers catching on the framed photograph of himself and a baby Winston. His thumb trails over his younger face. He looked so innocent and naïve back then.

“I can’t even recognize myself,” he whispers.

“Harold?” Siebren asks.

He shakes his head lightly and places the photograph down. “Sorry. It’s just…it’s a lot. Being back here.”

“In a good way, or a bad way?”

“In a lot of different ways,” Harold utters. “This place was my home away from home, the stepping stone paving the way for the future of space travel. It’s tragic, seeing it all in ruins like this.”

“You are not the only one. I always thought this place was beautiful, and it still is, but it’s now so cold and empty. A husk of its former self.”

It’s more than that, Harold thinks, but if he says that out loud, Siebren will expect clarification, and Harold doesn’t think he can give Siebren clarification. He takes his old files and tucks them under his arm. The four of them meet up and they head out of the Observatory.

As they walk through the empty hallways, Harold can hear the faint noises of the apes and chimps, muttering behind closed doors. Outside the Observatory, he sees the extent of the rebellion’s destruction. Appliances in the Commissary are broken and rifled through, the peanut butter jars empty and smashed onto the ground. Furniture blocks many of the doors to the other sectors, while most of the personal rooms for the scientists have had their number pads smashed beyond repair.

He doesn’t know how to feel about seeing all this. He thought he was prepared, but it’s another thing altogether to see the gorilla paw prints on the door to Hammond’s room, schematics lying haphazardly on the floor. If he was any weaker than he was, he might cry, but he’s got a mission to complete and loved ones to support him. His hand reaches for Winston’s, squeezing softly.

“Where do we need to go?” Symmetra asks.

“The Hangar,” Harold says. “We need to shut down all the data and monitoring systems, so we need to get to the servers. From the Hangar, we can get there easily enough.”

“A little bit too late for that,” a voice says.

In the Training Facility, smiling cruelly, is a man that looks almost identical to Harold himself, but with some differences. Their clothes are the typical Horizon uniform with a lab coat on top, the sleeves rolled above their elbows—a complete contrast to Harold’s own Overwatch uniform. Their hair is in a similar haircut but slightly darker, giving a salt and pepper look. A rectangular pair of glasses framed the imposter’s face, no cybernetic implants or scars or tubes to wreak havoc over his skin. Even the eye colour was wrong, a dark blue rather than Harold's dark brown eyes. It’s like someone has used an age filter on a younger picture of Harold. This imposter is too clean, too perfect, but it's not an omnic or a robot. Only a human could ever smile like that, condescending and innocent all at the same time.

Harold doesn’t even hesitate raising his jet injector at the imposter, who immediately throws their hands up. He’s confused as to their weird actions, until he sees it. A camera, hidden in the corner of the room, red light blinking on and recording.

No, not just recording. Broadcasting. Thousands, if not millions, are probably watching this right now.

“Who are you?” Harold seethes.

The imposter smiles. “I’m Dr. Harold Winston,” he says, “and I believe you have been trying to steal my work, you imposter.”

Wide eyes fall on Harold's body but he ignores them all. He stares at his mirror image, an unspeakable rage clamming his throat shut, golden eyes staring down fake blue eyes.

[cs-discourse]

Okay listen up

I’m fucking over this mewlin bullshit. Idc what kind of hate I’m going to get over this because obviously nobody is allowed to have beliefs contrary to your own anymore. But anyways. Y’all need to laY oFF. Mewlin is a person, just like you and I. She thinks, eats, and breathes. She doesn’t deserve even a fraction of this harassment. I get it, her beliefs are upsetting to you. Obviously I don’t agree with her beliefs, I think transphobia is nasty. BUT that doesn’t make her a bad person. You hear me? YOUR BELIEFS DONT DEFINE YOU. Mewlin is a sweet, kind, supportive person with some controversial beliefs. I’m not saying you have to love her, you can hate her with every ounce of your being, but keep it to your damn self! I don’t expect trans people to be all buddy buddy with her, or even cis people. But you have no right to dehumanize her the way you’ve been. When she had her moments of saying nasty things, SHE DIDN’T KNOW BETTER. When she was called out, she stopped! Doesn’t erase what she said but it doesn’t mean she had bad intentions. You guys are so out to get her that you don’t realize she’s a person too. A person with emotions and a life to live. How do you think she feels reading about you all calling her disgusting and telling her she has no rights to this or that or even at all? Mewlin is truly a sweet, generous person. She gives people things out of the kindness of her heart. She’s gifted me a kalon and some edits, not to clear her name or to prove anything, but because she wanted to. Have you ever considered that maybe her pfp on discord is that pride icon jish made because she wants to express her support?? Sure, she’s had her moments, but maybe she’s getting better. Maybe the pride icon is her way of trying to open up a little bit, and hey, she knows I’m a genderfluid lesbian and she’s never said a word to me about it. Grow the fuck up and learn to either keep your mouth shut or GET OVER IT. Bitching about it on this blog for months is only keeping you angry and upsetting Mewlin more. This is counterproductive!! Yeah, you hate her. Woohoo!! You get a gold star! Now move on and do something with your life that isn’t obsessing over one person who is MISERABLE because of you. She is getting nasty dms all the time that are really upsetting to her all because you guys think it’s a fun idea to harrass her more. CS is supposed to be a fun, enjoyable game for everyone. It’s supposed to be a safe space. Lay off already and let her enjoy her safe space like you all get to as well. She’s not hurting anyone! If her existence makes you THAT uncomfortable, fucking block her and go. I’m over it! I’m done reading the hate she gets on here and getting dms from my upset or even terrified friend because of what people said to/about her. Imagine if it were you. Imagine if it were your friend. There’s this DBT skill called radical acceptance. It’s where you recognize that it is what it is. You cannot change it so rather than sitting in your misery and spreading it around, simply accept that’s what it is and keep going with your life. Try it, it actually works pretty well. Radically accept that when it comes down to it, you can’t change her. So accept how she is and move on. Okay, I’m done rambling now. I’ve said my piece, I’m ready for the hate to come pouring in 👌

[justanotherboyinblue]

Unusual Asks

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify!! 

is your room messy or clean? ...depends if i don’t have company, or i haven’t been made to clean it, it’s relatively messy. well. it’s not messy to me, because i know where everything is and why things are...not...put away, but messy to Literally Everyone Else

what color are your eyes? brown!

do you like your name? why? i Love my name mostly because i chose it and i like how it sounds I Just Think It’s Neat

what is your relationship status? taken! i have two beautiful partners that i love very very much

describe your personality in 3 words or less Chaotic Disaster Gay

what color hair do you have? also brown dkjbsgalk

what kind of car do you drive? color? i don’t drive! don’t have my license yet

where do you shop? anywhere and everywhere alksjdb meijer? ig?

how would you describe your style? Grunge

favorite social media account discord! ‘s how i talk to my babies :3

what size bed do you have? a twin! v comfy, v bouncy

any siblings? unfortunately two brothers both are Assholes

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? switzerland honestly first of all, lgbtq+ has been legal there since 1942 like look at them Go oh my gosh also! i love german, it’s such a fascinating language but the biggest reason? that’s where moje rojena wants to live

favorite snapchat filter? i don’t have snapchat, and don’t really plan to kjasbdl

favorite makeup brand(s) don’t wear it! the only thing i use is chapstick lmao a wonderful vanilla chapstick by Eos

how many times a week do you shower? sometimes every night, but mostly every other night! so three or four

favorite tv show? oh gosh there are so many she-ra is probably at the top i love supernatural, and elementary, bbc sherlock, person of interest, steven universe there are a bunch of amazing shows i love!

shoe size? i think i wear like a ten and a half quadruple e do with that as you will

how tall are you? 5′4 i think probably

sandals or sneakers? flip flops!! or barefoot kadjbsgl

do you go to the gym? i don’t think i’ve ever even seen the inside of a gym

describe your dream date cuddle pile some show or movie on tv So Many Blankets but the most important thing the Most Important thing is that my babies are with me and that’s all i really need

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? i don’t have any cash, but i have like a little over $50 on my card

what color socks are you wearing? white with gray designs

how many pillows do you sleep with? normally three, but i’ll bring in another three if i want to build a Nest:tm:

do you have a job? what do you do? no job! i think my first job will be working at my local library

how many friends do you have? uhhhhhhh no idea a dozen? idk maybe half a dozen i really have no idea, and i have a horrible memory

what's the worst thing you have ever done? I Will Not Divulge Such Information

what's your favorite candle scent? there’s this one candle we have that’s tide+kelp scented but it just smells like a speedstick it’s awesome

3 favorite boy names Leo (obviously) Tobias Axel

3 favorite girl names L(again, obviously) Celeste i’ve always loved the name Andromeda as well! 

favorite actor? Ezra Miller!! they’re a nonbinary icon, first of all, and they’re an amazing actor in my opinion! they’re Credence in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and Barry in Justice Leauge

favorite actress? hmmmmmmmmmm probably Margot Robbie tbh love her stuff also? have you seen the trailer for Birds of Prey? we Stan

who is your celebrity crush? don’t have one kjdsablg

favorite movie? oh gosh I Cannot Choose A Favorite Anything Okay i love Avatar(the one with the blue aliens not the Disgrace Of A Movie), and The Dark Knight, Captain Marvel, Abominable, and so many others

do you read a lot? what's your favorite book? i do! i used to read almost a full book every day Finding Me by Katheryn Cushman is really good, and so is Five Feet Apart, i love the Divergent series too!

money or brains? brains duh, if you’re smart you can make more money but if you’re an idiot with money what happens when you run out

do you have a nickname? what is it? not really kjabdsga my partners have their nicknames for me of course, but with my actual name you can’t have a lot of nicknames Leo calls me Q, i’ve been called Stefano and Viktor, one friend used Quimberly for a while akjfgbslkdfg

how many times have you been to the hospital? other than when i was born, i think only the once!

top 10 favorite songs Here We Go sweet tooth-Scott Helman adderall- Max Frost bambi- Hippo Campus roxxane- Arizona Zervas grixtronics- GRiZ iSpy- KYLE truth hurts- kidz bop (fuck off it slaps) walk man- TMG mr.clean- Yung Gravy peach scone- Hobo Johnson

do you take any medications daily? nope! 

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) definitely oily

what is your biggest fear? Ya Boi Out Here With Abandonment Issues

how many kids do you want? i’ll stick with my fur babies thank you very much

what's your go-to hairstyle? in my face covering my right eye so i can’t see with it because it annoys my mother and i think i look Hot

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) medium i would think? we don’t have a second floor or a finished basement, but i’ve never had to bunk with either of my brothers so

who is your role model? no one specific! just, kind people, yk? 

what was the last compliment you received? i think it was on...monday? when Leo kept telling me i was adorable XD

what was the last text you sent? to a gc with my partners saying i was going mia because I Have The Right To Not Interact With Anyone For Several Days And Watch Movies  no i will not be taking criticism

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? like somewhere from seven to nine i think i have no idea dude, i have the memory of a goldfish

what is your dream car? .... 1967 black chevy impala

opinion on smoking? bad for you, love the smell, not gonna tell you to stop, will just worry quietly in the corner because i won’t tell you what to do with your life

do you go to college? nope! still in high school, i probably won’t go to college tbh

what is your dream job? owning my own bookstore! with a cafe a cat cafe i have it planned out to a concerning degree

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? i’ve lived in one place my entire life and it’s on the side of the highway with no neighbors so Suburbs Be Like Scary

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? oh absolutely

do you have freckles? no and i’m salty about it

do you smile for pictures? of course! never with my teeth tho because my canines are halfway up my face :)

how many pictures do you have on your phone? don’t have a phone! i have a Whole Bunch on my computer though

have you ever peed in the woods? did not work out tried once Never Again

do you still watch cartoons? of course i do i’m gay it’s legally required

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonald's? i’ve never had McDonald's nuggets but Wendy’s has the best for sure

Favorite dipping sauce? ranch or campfire sauce

what do you wear to bed? pajamas???? in winter it’s long sleeve tees with fuzzy pants in summer it’s basketball shorts and whatever twenty-year-old shirt i can find in my closet

have you ever won a spelling bee? i’ve never entered one so no homeschool for the win

what are your hobbies? Anything On A Screen and books mostly books on a screen but i’ll occasionally pick up a paperback also food and swimming

can you draw? s o m e t i m e s

do you play an instrument? i played guitar for a while, but i broke one of the strings and don’t have the tools to replace it i really want a ukelele

what was the last concert you saw? i went to a college campus for four days with my youth group, and a band named Sing Love played every night

tea or coffee? Neither

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Also Neither i’ve been to starbucks one time and it was the most disappointing drink i’ve ever had i am a loyal biggby customer  even though i haven’t been there in over a year

do you want to get married? not in the traditional sense i couldn’t even if i wanted to because the us said No Polyam Rights

what is your crush’s first and last initial? L.R. + L.G.

are you going to change your last name when you get married? probably! or we’ll both take a new one together

what color looks best on you? warm colors!! i do look Fabulous in a nice cool forest green though

do you miss anyone right now? Of Course I Do I’m In A Long Distance Relationship With Two People

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed if it was open my asshole cat would eat all my hair ties and my fairy lights

do you believe in ghosts? nope! 

what is your biggest pet peeve? uh people who assume? ig?

last person you called? Leo XD

favorite ice cream flavor? mint chocolate chip!!

regular oreos or golden oreos? The Golden Ones  they taste like lemon even if they’re not the lemon ones i love it

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? i don’t like sprinkles because i’m a Monster

what shirt are you wearing? i’m Not It’s Hoodie Season

what is your phone background? my tablet backgrounds are Leo and L because i’m a Sap

are you outgoing or shy? Both i’m getting a lot better in the confidence department, but i still get nervous and overwhelmed sometimes!

do you like it when people play with your hair? I Cry Every Time and so does Leo it’s adorable

do you like your neighbors? if i did i would hate them because i Can

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? not outside of the shower

have you ever been high? nope

have you ever been drunk? nope

last thing you ate? leftover itallian mac n cheese

favorite lyrics right now ..... ................. raindrops on rose and whiskers on kittens~ sTICKING-

summer or winter? winter!!

day or night? night, of course

dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk! or dark with sea salt

favorite month? hm maybe august because it’s just starting to get cold, but you can also still swim on the warm days

what is your zodiac sign pisces! as i’m sure is obvious

who was the last person you cried in front of? my mother Because Leaving Me Alone For Five Minutes Is Impossible

thank you Luxet for the questions!

[svarmodiig]

       SVARMODIIG’S 200 FOLLOWERS CELEBRATION.

Logging onto Inigo this morning, I had mostly planned to celebrate his birthday. What I didn’t expect to see was that, on this already special day, he had hit 200 followers. I’ve roleplayed Inigo for around 5 years now, and though I’ve reset his blog countless times, I never hit a milestone as grand as this before. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who came for Inigo and has stayed for my writing, for the countless headcanons and love I have poured into him, and despite my sporadic activity, continue to support not only me but Inigo, too.

Obviously I need to celebrate this, but what could I offer you all that I haven’t already? This blog is full of writing, and you all write your own characters so beautifully, I couldn’t offer a drabble, not for 200 followers. My art has hit a serious wall and it would be unfair to promise a drawing that may never be completed (ask Savvy her birthday was nearly a month ago and I still haven’t presented a final piece) so then I thought about what makes this blog special. And that’s all of you.

I couldn’t be here if it wasn’t for all of you! I’d just be some madman yelling about Inigo while no one else cared ― writing with all of you has helped me learn new things about Inigo (and my own writing) and the inquiries and discussions about his character has helped him to grow. I wouldn’t have been able to develop him so well on my own.

So rather than celebrating myself, I want to celebrate you. I know that this is going to look like a biased post and I truly hate the concept of mains. Naturally, everyone is going to appreciate their friends first and foremost and want to support them by hyping them up, but we’re all real people on here, and the last thing I want to make myself out to be is exclusive. If it were possible, I’d love to be able to befriend ALL of you, and of course if you consider that within those 200 followers are archived blogs and several blogs from the same people, this looks a little less special. But even then, there’s at least a hundred of you out there, supporting me and that means there are so many of you supporting me. 

So before I start ranting about the friends I have made on this blog, even if I don’t name you specifically, even if we haven’t interacted, I truly value your support and want to thank you for being here with me. I hope one day we can speak ― I know I’ve tried to make my blog look fancy but it’s to cover up my insecurities and shyness so if you can see past that, please reach out! I don’t bite, I promise. I’ll be just as scared as you.

TO MY CLOSE FRIENDS...

I dedicate this section to those of you whom I speak to nearly everyday, even outside of RP antics. A special shoutout to Orange @fatestouched​ who isn’t active anymore but you know how special you are to me already and how much I adore your Owain.

Lauren. @exaltblooded​ / @insignc​ / @brigidbcrn​

We’re coming up to 2 years of friendship in the coming months and that’s honestly so wild to me. You were one of the first friends I made at Uni and I’m so glad we kept in touch outside of gaming society. I’m thankful that you dared to ask if any of us roleplayed on that fateful day. Not only have we grown closer because of that, but your introduction into the FERPC has truly changed the dashboard for me ― not only because of all the crack you begin with Savvy ― but because of the new people I’ve met because of you, which has in turn meant I met new people through them and found myself a little community on the dashboard. Orange and I always kept our little verse to ourselves, but with you we’ve been able to expand it all, and there’s no other Lucina I would ask to join our little family. Thank you for all the memories and rp antics we’ve shared together.

Savvy. @ofconvocation​ / @ofnifl​ / @ofgaspard​ 

I normally like to put names in alphabetical order, but here I have an actual plan. Through Lauren I met you, and through you I met the others below. So before even beginning I have that to thank you for. Savvy ― we speak literally every day, you’ve been there for me through so much and I couldn’t be more grateful. At least once a week you get a little rant from me about how much I love you, but this time it’s public, and that means others will be able to see just how amazing you are (and they’re definitely going to agree with me!) The effort you put into each and every one of your blogs is inspiring, there’s so much love poured into them all and it really shows with their beautiful themes, their icons that more than leave an impression, and most importantly the writing. I think we can all agree you are incredibly talented as a writer and it’s thoroughly enjoyable to write with you when you aren’t starting crack on dash with Lauren. You’re easily one of my biggest supporters and it’s so very rare that I find myself doubting myself with you ready to launch yourself at me if I dare to think I’m anything less than amazing ― I just hope you know I am always ready to return the favour and truly admire you. Thank you for not only the memories but all the beautiful art you’ve gifted to me (and I promise Aurora will be finished by the end of the year.)

Momgan. @askrisms​ / @faerghusiisms​

I don’t care if your name isn’t actually Momgan you will always be just that to me. A lot of our conversations revolve around how amazing I think you are ― and that will never change. All the love and effort you put into Chateau will never be forgotten, and even though it didn’t end in the best light, you never gave up on it. All of your ideas are wonderful, and it’s an honour that I get to write some of my favourite ships with you ― heck, you’re the first person I’ve ever shipped an OC of mine with, because I know I can trust her in your hands and you will show her the same love you show your own muses. I absolutely adore your writing and I could easily read an entire book you wrote if I were able to. I hope that you and I can be friends for a long time, and we can write with one another often. You’re someone I genuinely look up to and I hold nothing but admiration for you. You will always be my Mom.

Ches. @unquiixotic​

I want to start off by saying that while we may not have spoken huge amounts, I absolutely adore you Ches. If you were to ask Savvy or Lauren how much we hype you up, I don’t think between even the three of us we could explain to you just how much admiration there is for you. As a person you are wonderful, always so kind and supportive and a genuine delight to converse with ― and I hope that over time we’ll be able to speak a lot more! I remember from Chateau your struggle to find a muse to write among the many you have, and I honestly at the time wondered how it was possible that you could write so many muses. I understand now that you harbour so much love, and that is put into your many beloved characters. All of them are equally loved, equally developed, and none written worse than the others. With Felix and Sylvain, I believe it will be our first time writing with one another outside of Chateau and I am genuinely excited to see more of your writing style, how you format your posts to convey your characterisations.

To those whom I wish I spoke to more often.

Shine. @beautiilance / @panic--ploy

Confession Time: I honestly was terrified of you for such a long time. Lauren and Savvy hyped you up for a LONG time before we actually got to talk and because of that you were already embedded in my mind as someone who was so cool that I was intimidated to speak to you. I know now you’re a big sinful softy and I had nothing to worry about ― bar your sin ― and I’m glad that we are friends. I’ve been trying to get Lauren and Savvy to add you to servers for a while so that we might get to speak and I’m glad it’s through Three Houses we got that chance to talk, since a new game provides a lot to talk about with all the new content. Like it or not, your Ingrid is attached to my Sylvain (as well as Ches and Mom’s Felix and Dimitri) so you’re stuck with me and we’re going to speak more! I hope in the future we can write with one another more and create some truly special memories.

Boo. @ofhoshido / @fxrmer / @nowithedragon / @misssummoningelizabeth

As one of Savvy’s real life friends, you hold a lot of respect in my heart for dealing with her antics ― I kid of course, that respect is for being there for her. She spoke of you often to me and I’m genuinely glad we got to meet and talk with one another. You’re a lot of fun to talk to and even though I’m shy and afraid to strike up conversations I do genuinely enjoy speaking with you. I hope that we can write more with one another in the future!

Pandora. @shamir-nevrand / (for the life of me I can’t find your other blog I’m sorry!)

We really really really haven’t spoken all that much but I know that Savvy and Lauren absolutely adore you and have sung your praises to the heavens above and it has me really hoping to one day speak to you for when I can stop being such a cuck and not be afraid to strike up a conversation!

...from Tumblr.

to clarify quickly, the three above are all people I’m in servers with on Discord whereas those below I am not and know only really on Tumblr but still want to talk to more!

Jessica. @i-nsubordination / @nonpareiltactician / @f-ortuity

Jessica ― I hope you already know how much I adore you. Naeva is so very special to Inigo and that puts you close to my heart. Their bond is so wonderful to explore, it’s something I’ve always wanted and you make those dreams a reality and I cannot thank you enough for that. When first I returned after my little hiatus you were so enthusiastic about my return and that has stayed with me, and every so often I’ll remember it and smile to myself that someone remembered me and was so happy for my return ― and I never said it but I truly hoped that you would still be here. There are so many things I can say about you ― the way you developed Naeva is genuinely admirable and it’s so lovely to see how much love you poured into her. She feels like a real character and is one I won’t ever forget, even when I’m off thinking about Inigo’s family away from Tumblr Naeva always comes to mind. She’s an unforgettable part of his life now and that means we are bound together. The way you write too is incredible and every post is crafted in such a way that I could read more even when I finish. It’s an honour that I get to write with you and you inspire me to be better. Part of what makes her so special is you, the person behind the screen. You’re genuinely so lovely and supportive and that makes your blog more appealing. I’ve always enjoyed speaking to you and can only hope in the future we get to talk more!

Volty. @i--gnis / @d--evotio

Volty I hope you know how much I adore your Robin ― I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get to use my main verse tag with a Robin, there are so many out there that terrify me and I still remember admiring you from afar. Now, I’ll happily slap that tag onto any post with you involved. I know I vanished so the old thread didn’t get to continue but I would be more than happy to dig it up from beneath the dust piled upon this blog just to see how your Robin gets to father Inigo in his youth. That thread alone so genuinely excites me and I absolutely want to do so much more with you to explore their dynamics. I can’t put into the words the admiration I hold for you and Robin and truly wish we can speak more one day. As for Validar? Bad man, evil keep him away from Inigo he’ll CRY.

Faty. @convxction / @sentofight

FATY I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU! Lauren is your biggest hypeman. For a LONG time she hyped you and your Chrom up to me ― and I had honestly been admiring you from afar for so long before then. You seem like a really genuinely nice person and I want to try and interact with you more to be able to hype you up as well! Importantly, since Lauren considers your Chrom her main and Lucina is part of my main verse, that pulls you in, so like it or not you’re coming down with us into Awakening development hell.

Carol. @heroismdreams

I know we’ve spoken a little before but I’m putting my foot down and saying it’s not enough. I absolutely adore your Cynthia and all the love you’ve poured into her. Her portrayal is wonderfully accurate and I can read all of your posts in her voice. The development you’ve gifted her is an absolute blessing and I really want to see more interactions between her and Inigo!

To those I admire from afar.

Rey. @reycursed

Aegis. @poregida / @azelfire

Pigeon. @valflame / @cicholic

@exalted--zealotry

To each and every one of you, I want to say that I adore each and every one of you. I think your blogs are so hecking amazing and you all seem like such nice people and whenever I see you on dash I’m waving a little banner of support in your name. ― Aegis, I want to apologise for going inactive and our thread dropping with Inigo and Laurent but know that I’ll be bothering you again soon. ― and to the grandfather-in-law from hell I want to highlight how much fun it has been interacting with you in small doses on dash and to say thank you for the fun.

And to those untagged.

I’ve been away from this blog for so long that I know many of those I called friends are no longer here ― and in the same vein those I admired are long gone. Whatsmore, life has been hectic, well and truly hectic and I can only remember so much from my past times on here. There are so many of you that I would love to personally message but this post took 2 hours alone to throw together because I’m so slow and I do want to celebrate Inigo’s birthday.

[aeori-o]

So long 2019!

I usually try and get these up December 31st not January 1st but, really, it’s 24 hours apart, does it really matter?

End of a year! And end of a decade!

I usually go over my yearly reading first. I wanted to get the “bad” out of the way first this time. This year I continued to stagnate creatively. I haven’t drawn anything since Qelvi back in January of 2018. I have written but mostly in role-plays with Vin and the other stuff I haven’t tracked very well. I don’t know how to track it in a way that’s clear and also easy to remember.

In the past my goals going into the new year have always been along the line of “do a little of  [thing] every day” and that is super not working for me. So this year I’m going to try and change it up. For writing all I want to do is a five minute, free-flow, unplanned just-put-pen-to-paper-and-write based off a prompt. That should be do-able as there’s no pressure of it having to be connected to a larger work. There’s no planning and thus no pressure except to take five minutes and do it. I think in the past I’ve tried to do that in addition to x amount of words or pages per day. I’m just gonna scale it back and see if I can get myself to do the bare minimum consistently and see where that goes.

As for drawing. Ideally I’d like to do a little bit every day so I can actually get better at it, but as that’s been my goal for the last several years and I have not done it even a little bit these past two years I’m going to change my goals for drawing up, as well. Instead of trying to do anything consistently I’m just going to make it my goal to do one drawing a month. That’s it. I don’t need to show it to anyone, or post it, or whatever. Just one drawing I can consider “complete” every month. Complete doesn’t need to be polished I just don’t want to do nothing again and this seems do-able. We’ll see how it turns out at the end of the year.

Reading! My goal was to read 100 books this year and then I got sucked into playing Fortnite halfway through the year and basically read nothing in May. I read as much as I did last year, so I’m not torn up about the amount I read, but just once I do want to read 100 books in a year. (Not counting graphic novels, because I read through them too quickly and it doesn’t feel the same as reading a novel). So next year will be attempt number 2 at reading 100 in a year because I don’t think I should give up after not meeting it once. Life happens, sometimes we play more video games than we should, I still read 78-book-books and 63 graphic novels. For a total of 141 books. Which is pretty good, I can’t be upset at that number.

Part of my goal for 100 books this year, too, will be to slim down my at-home to-be-read pile, which is currently taking up seven shelves and must be stopped. I say this but I already have five more books on hold at the library. Whoops.

Here’s everything I read this year that I inputted into goodreads:

My one hour a day reading calendar (this year I started trying to add dots for every book completed on the day of completion, but I think I missed days, gonna do that some more this year, too, I like it):

And my goodreads badge:

2019 was a pretty wild year, there were some unexpected and costly hiccups. One of my cats went missing for a week; the other got struvite crystals and his bladder nearly exploded; My ancient AV receiver kicked it and on top of those things being expensive there was a whole thing where the new one seemed to be messing up my TV, it was a time; I got rear-ended on the freeway which thankfully didn’t wind up costing me anything except for a lot of stress, some minor pain, and over two weeks without a vehicle. None of these turned out to be that bad, in the end, and thankfully spread out enough that I didn’t just expire from stress.

There was a lot of good this year, too. I got to bring my partner skiing for the first time ever, and for my first time in a very long time (I don’t know when the last time I went skiing was, back when I was in highschool maybe?). I expanded my plushie collection by A Lot this year. I have cute eevee plushes, and some really soft pillow plushes now, and beeb got me a little corsola who I would Die for.

I’ve been more involved with pokemon go. I technically found the group I play with at the end of 2018 (right at the end, it was in December during the community weekend and someone from the group saw me doing circles hitting the same pokestops over and over and was like “hey… wanna join our group?”), but 2019 was the first full year with them. It’s been really nice to reliably be able to get stronger/rarer pokemon and just have a general sense of community. It’s neat because it’s not like I’m close friends with any of these people, but they’re all good people and I like seeing them. I know virtually nothing about any of them, but still, it’s nice.

I also got super into stickers this year (I blame you, beeb) and since my laptop only has so much room I’ve taken to adding stickers to my car. I don’t want to go overboard but I love all the ones I’ve added so far and now that my bumper looks better than new I think my car looks pretty slick.

I started keeping a video-game journal at the beginning of this year, which has been really satisfying and I’m going to keep doing it. I always struggle to remember how much time I sink into games and what happens in this games. Being able to flip through and see all of what I played, when I played it, and what was going on is interesting.

Also got a new phone this year. I didn’t get the latest and greatest but usually when I’ve needed a new phone due to a previous one being busted I have found myself inheriting whatever phone someone else doesn’t want (for the most part). This is the first phone I’ve gone out of my way to get because mine was just not performing well and I have no regrets.

I have a huge issue with upgrading to a new device when my old ones are perfectly serviceable. For instance: the computer I am writing this on is twelve years old. It’s slow but it works for what I need. This computer isn’t even from the past decade, which is pretty wild to me. In thinking about the past decade this computer has been through it all with me.

I guess I’m moving onto the decade now. I was just thinking that this computer still has msn/wlm on it. There’s a dedicated button on my keyboard for it. I hit it and I can see the last icon I ever used on there (I used to change icons constantly, which is a thing I do not do anywhere anymore), as well as the theme I had in place. Absolutely wild. In the last decade(ish) we all abandoned msn/wlm, got skype, abandoned skype when it became a bloated, ad-filled disaster, and got onto telegram, discord, and the dms of various social media websites. (Which I suck at using as if I’m a person three times my age.) In 2010 we were on the iPhone 4 and basically every android sucked, now we’re on the iPhone 11 and androids are a viable option for a phone. Console generations are slower and mess with my perception of time. In the last decade we’ve only gone up one console generation which feels weirdly slow but then when I contemplate any company releasing a new console I inevitably feel it hasn’t been nearly long enough.

On a more personal note, I definitely cannot remember even most of the things that have happened in the last decade. I know I’ve read about five hundred books (closer to six hundred including graphic novels) because I’ve been tracking that since 2011. I’ve been tracking what I read for about a decade.

Left is books by year, middle is graphic novels by year, and right is the total of both.

I became decent at excel in the past few years. I went from not understanding this program at all to trying to find excuses to use it. I used to track all my reading in a notepad document, it looked like this:

As you can see: I only switched over in 2017. And it used to be a total pain because I would have to count all of the dates by hand. Hope I didn’t miscount. Then I’d be looking at my goodreads count and trying to figure out if that made sense against my personal count because I also didn’t count graphic novels as book-books back then and would sometimes mark them on goodreads. So I’d have to figure out how many I had inputted to goodreads to then make sure the two counts reconciled. It was a total nightmare. Now the computer counts for me.

And the reason I even became interested in excel is because of DnD which I have also gotten into in the last decade. It’s one of those things I had always been interested in but had no way to play or had false starts. A group came together a few years ago and we did some of the most fun, fulfilling, and emotional group-role-playing I have ever experienced. Our group has kind of disbanded now, and I’m trying to work on a campaign myself, but our first campaign is definitely one of the things I really cherish from the past few years. It’s definitely a highlight of the decade.

Speaking of meaningful role-plays. I got with my partner in the last decade, too. I’d feel weird getting all gushy about them here, but we’ve been doing written role-plays since before we figured out that we were a thing. They’re a constant source of inspiration to me and the things we create together are some of my favourite things in the world. At times there have been lulls between the things we make that really grab both of us, but this past year we started an AU of some of our characters and I think it’s safe to say we’re both in love with our little creation. Roach Squad is definitely the highlight of 2019 and I suspect it will continue to be the highlight of 2020. I don’t think we’ll be as aggressively into them by the time 2030 rolls around, but our original boys have persisted for the better part of the last decade (the Boys have been a thing since 2013 and we are still enjoying them, so I don’t doubt Roach Squad will persist, as well, but I imagine the next decade will give us a third group that we’re consumed with).

I’ve lost some friends in the past decade, and made some new, but find I don’t have the time to stay caught up with as many people as I used to. That used to be a thing I was good at. Toward the beginning of this decade, I’d regularly keep-up with at least a dozen people (by which I mean: talking to them daily). Now that number is at… maybe three or four people who I interact with daily (not counting group chats of which there is one). But if you’re reading this and we haven’t spoken in a while (“a while” could be years, honestly) and nothing really happened we just sort of stopped talking or hanging out: I still care about you. I hope your 2019 was more good than bad and that you have nice things to look back on in the last decade. Also hit me up, if you want to.

Overall I think the last decade has been pretty good. I’m thankful for all the good times with friends I’ve been able to have, all the sushi eaten and talks on long car rides. I’m thankful for the help I’ve gotten with housing and car situations that would have been outrageously stressful if I’d been dealing with them on my own. I’m thankful for all the creative people I’ve been able to meet and interact with, all the character ideas and moments we’ve shared through written role-plays, tabletop role-plays, and art.

 I hope the next decade can be as socially and creatively fulfilling as the last!

And at the end here, because I never do this and then I always look back and go “what even were my goals” I’m going to make a handy list of goals-discussed:

Draw one thing a month

Write for five minutes every day from an unplanned prompt

Read 100 books and continue with my one hour a day reading

Get my DnD campaign off the ground and keep it going (I don’t think I explicitly mentioned this above, but it’s a goal this year)

[storm-driver]

Oh boy, you wanna know? It’s gonna be a lengthy one, but I’ll do my best to make it entertaining, heh

Under the cut because L O N G P O S T

So first things first, it’s best if you know how old I am. As of March 2019, I am 17-years old, and I’ll be 18 by the end of Summer. Kingdom Hearts 1 came out just 7 months after I was born, so I wasn’t into it from the very beginning. 

Right around 2009, I found myself getting a PS2 from one of our neighbors because they were buying a PS3. And among the games they gave us with the PS2, Kingdom Hearts 1 was in that batch. My sister played through and completed the whole game, but little 8-year old me couldn’t get past the Chameleon boss in Deep Jungle. So I put the game down for a year or so, never thinking about it since. I went back to finish the game, got stuck on the legendary ‘THERE’S NO WAY YOU’RE TAKING KAIRI’S HEART’ boss fight, and I eventually beat the game! Go me!

I got a Nintendo DS and my sister bought me Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days for the DS because she realized I actually liked Kingdom Hearts. However, I hadn’t played KH2, nor did I retain too much of the information from KH1. My sister got KH2 for the PS2 a few months prior and assumed that the other save file was mine. Turns out she just accidentally saved twice >.<

So I played through 358 until I got stuck on one of the ridiculous bosses, I think it was Leechgrave? And I didn’t retain any of the plot, so I kinda just forgot it. Then... I actually played KH2. 

And I had SO much fun! I played on Beginner because I was 9-10-years old and I needed to if I ever wanted the hope of beating it. And around that time, Re:coded came out. So once I beat KH2, my sister bought me Re:coded and I played that... before getting stuck on a boss again. I can’t remember which one though, heh. 

I eventually went back to beat 358, did so, cried a lot because Roxas was immediately established as my favourite, and by then I was maybe 11-years old. Dream Drop Distance for the 3DS came out and I had become invested in the games at that point. So I was about to start watching the cutscenes for 3D... when I realized I was missing something... 

I never played Birth by Sleep.

I had seen a few of the cut scenes out of BBS by that point, but I didn’t actually know who the characters were. Surprisingly enough, when I saw Ventus for the first time, I didn’t associate him with Roxas at all. I don’t think I even processed that they looked the same. To me, it was just Ventus. Maybe that’s why I can see their nuances so well, I don’t know. Anyways, I went and watched all the cutscenes for Birth by Sleep, lost my fucking mind because OH THAT’S WHY ROXAS- OHHHHH and then I went to watch 3D. 

And lemme just say, by that point, it was all over. This game was now apart of my life. You could tell ‘cause suddenly all the references to Ventus in all of the games clicked for me and I WAS LOSING IT so much. I love that kinda stuff, I dunno why, but I doooo. 

And then the year after... 2013.... y’all know what happened. KH3 was FINALLY announced to be in REAL development, even if it was development Hell. I remember watching the livestream for the first ever KH3 trailer as it was happening and I was crying. Lil’ 12-year old Storm Driver sitting at their father’s cracked and broken laptop, crying over one minute of pre-rendered game footage. It was real. I was going to play KH3. 

So then the next few years were me establishing my love for the series. Right around when I turned 12 was when I’d actually been introduced to social media. I’d played games like Toontown and stuff on the computer, but I’d never used Instagram or anything before... I actually pride myself over still having my first ever IG account. I think I made it after the first KH3 trailer came out. Interesting. 

I managed to get one of my at-the-time close friends into the game, and they let me borrow their 3DS so I could play Dream Drop myself! But we had a falling out the next year and we didn’t talk or communicate that whole time. Fun little anecdote, the name “Storm Driver.” I chose that name after I’d played 3D because it was the name of the track for one of my favourite songs. Except... the name was mistranslated. It’s supposed to be “Storm Diver.” But in pure spite, I kept it as it is today. 

And that was how that friend of mine contacted me again, years later! They found my Tumblr and realized I was the same Storm Driver from the years prior and we reconciled and made up over what had happened. We still don’t talk much, just having each other added on Snapchat. But I’m happy that they reached out to me. 

Years passed and my love for KH didn’t die, but it did settle a bit. It spiked again in 2015, when the gameplay trailers were finally being released. But nothing really dragged me back towards it. Until 2017. The orchestra tour...

OH FUCK MAN, I WENT WILD. I fucking lost it. I did not calm down, for three or four whole months, this exact Tumblr blog was busting out frickin’ KH posts and all the like. And it has not stopped at all. ‘Cause soon after that, 0.2 was confirmed and released and I was losing my god damn mind over it all. I was so hyped for KH3, words cannot properly describe. During those months, I came to meet some mutuals on Tumblr that I now consider very close friends. Even if we’ve never met, I still feel a lot of joy just seeing their names and icons pop up in my notifications feed.

I started playing KHUX after the orchestra tour trailer came out. I used to pride myself over having (at the time) ridiculously strong medals that pushed me forward through a lot of the Proud Mode content without spending a single dime on the game. But of course, those medals are outdated now. My KHUX character is probably just average at this point. But that’s okay. I don’t really play it anymore, heh.

And in the months leading up to KH3, I just did my best to stay relatively calm. I joined a few Discord servers for KH, but I found myself feeling out of place. I started getting interested in other things, and with no one to talk to over those things, i started to talk in the KH servers. I was asked not to and it eventually led to me go and create my own server. It was initially a Voltron server, but as VLD has ended, I changed it to be a community server, where people who just wanna talk can talk. It’s a “private” server at the moment, because I don’t want to overwhelm myself and my two friends who moderate it. I’ve opened it a few times, to help get some more people in who just wanna hang out. 

My experience with Kingdom Hearts took a weird turn when KH3 was around the corner though. Someone kept making one-day accounts on Tumblr and DMing me the leaks of the game, including the ending. Lucky me, I hadn’t seen a whole lot of the plot-related stuff. But my impulse control is weak and I’d click the links just from the sight of them. So I knew what would happen to Sora at the end of the game before I’d even seen the final boss. I didn’t know how Roxas ended up there in the ending and I was REALLY happy to see him and Ventus and Xion standing together in frame. So I guess it kinda hyped me up to see how the game handled him and his return.

At the end of it, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed KH and I will continue to, I’m sure. I’ve also played TWEWY for the DS, so I’m sure that the tie-ins it’ll have with the future of Kingdom Hearts are going to be amazing. This game latched onto me when I was an infant, and it’s been nine long and incredibly fun years so far. I’m happy that we’re not done yet ^^

[serafxn-a]

(( Hey guys. Mun here. I know, I know, I’ve been relatively quiet lately. For... a while now. I should probably give a life update. A bit more of a comprehensive one.

After a simultaneously wild and dull 10 years of my life beginning with university, which included a lot of online and a little offline drama, the end of a 7 year relationship that I’m still kind of reeling over several months onward, and a whole lot of paranoia and health problems both mental and physical... My life situation IRL took a drastic turn and almost brought my online presence to a screeching halt. Around May-June of this year, I moved back in with my parents, got a job at a major UK toy store chain, and have no longer been able to sustain my wild-ass 10am-5am living due to changes in schedule and having major responsibility for the first time in my life. One such responsibility being not keeping my parents awake til fuck knows in the morning, ahaha. And, y’know, actually getting decent sleep before work... (something I’m failing a little at right now,,,)

I’ve got mixed feelings about it, but overall... it’s actually been a pretty positive experience. Being definitively useful, wanted and moreover needed does a lot for one’s self-esteem. Knowing I’m good enough at doing something that people will take my advice, and that I will get called into work for more hours instead of having my hours cut, is kind of a good buzz, even if it’s taken a lot of getting used to and been stressful for my RP life. Not having any friends IRL sucks hard when I can’t talk to my online ones as much but... I’m trying to deal as best I can.

But right now, let’s forget all that. It’s time for me to be sappy, because it’s late at night, I’m sick, and it’s almost Thanksgiving. ))

(( Now, I know I’m not American, so when it comes to Thanksgiving, I don’t go there. I might have humoured a “turkey” dinner of my own for a couple of years just so I wouldn’t be left out. Which I guess might be kinda sad but I prefer to think of it as an act of sentimentality.

And, what can I say? I’m a very sentimental person.

That sentimentality is what leads me to make this post. There’s so many important people I’ve met that I’m grateful for. I’d like to talk about some of them, because I don’t think I should be particularly shy about this. I might not get all of them, because I’m kinda scatterbrained (and at least as of making alterations to this part of the post mid-way through typing it it’s 11:30 and I have to get up at 8).

First off: if you’re in the Sunny Day Café server? You fucking rock! Even if you don’t talk too much in there, your continued support of my first real attempt to run a relatively public RP server is really appreciated. In particular on this front I’d like to thank Rose (blogs: @kxndncss​ @grxxnheart​ @hopxlcss​), Shad (blog: @flapsinhands​) and Ozi (blog: @magicbyhalves​) for helping me with moderating the place. I’ll be the first to admit that my moderation skills are a bit... well, 👋. I’m often not a good judge of situations, and find it difficult to trust my own judgements. It’s something I’m having to learn. So the help is really important to me.

Of course, these three (who I will dedicate more time to in this post later for sure) have also been really helpful with plot stuff. There’s a particular group of people who’ve been helpful with plot stuff, actually, aside from these three, and I’d like to mention them too.

Let’s start with Ziz! (blogs: @unseenbutnotgone​ @seenbutgone​ @unheardanduncaring​ @distastefulblossom​ @setebcs​)

My memory is trash, but I think Ziz and I started talking over Wings wanting to get to know Fin back when he was Sleazy? Because he was getting involved with his son, and of course a good dad would want to make sure his son is in good company. He wasn’t, but Fin grew from that, and I’m thankful for that too, but also I’m thankful for what happened when Fin ended up applying this relearned kindness when Wings’ son was forcibly fused with a corrupt fragment of his.

And then it all went really gay from there, and now they’re married and have spread the gay even further. It’s not even over yet, there’s so much potential for Reset and Fin still and I’m eager to explore it and fit them into this intricate new world that I’ve never really touched on in RP before. And to write with someone as caring, empathetic, funny and smart as Ziz? I’m really honoured. They’re really inspiring to me and I adore RPing with them. They put so much work into their muses, visually and historically and meaningfully and I just... 💋👌 Mwah. Ziz as a writer, and an artist, and as a person too - I look up to them so damn much.

And I definitely cannot mention inspiring people without coming to talk about Rose. She and Ziz were ultimately the reason I started to invest so much in my Gasters, they’ve provided constant encouragement with my writing, I’ve been able to bounce ideas off of them not just for my stories but for theirs too. They’ve been emotionally supportive and emotionally constructive too, which is honestly fantastic. I know I’m someone who has a lot of growing to do. I appreciate that there’s people who’ll stick by me while I’m doing it and help me along.

Rose is such a pleasure to write with. Her prose is utterly gorgeous to read, it feels like seeing the individual threads coming together in a tapestry. Her talent for finding mood music is fantastic and something I honestly aspire to, because mood music for writing or setting a scene is so so important. Her characters are always really well researched and have so much depth to them, and it’s really great seeing her influences because damn she has good taste too. And what’s more, I honestly do look up to Rose, because while her life experiences may not be perfect she’s accomplished a lot of things I would love to accomplish myself. She’s really inspiring to me.

While these are the two folks I talk to most, particularly about RP stuff, there’s a whole gang of bastards I’m thankful for... I’ll have to bullet point these guys because there’s a good few blogs associated with them and I want to try and include all the active/main ones?

Rav - @imbreaking-sans​ @imdespondent-sans​ @mraudio-the-audacious​

Bets - @fellythealphaskeleton​ @xa-eviterx​

Situ - @shadowbirdsitu​ @sourtrout​

Del - @skellie-bean​ @pocketpunk666

Collectively these are people I know I can come to when I need help with things, RP or otherwise, people I can vent to, people I can share experiences with, and people I can laugh with and listen to and just generally hang around and be myself with. Which is kind of really important, especially when I don’t entirely feel like I can be myself IRL still.

Rav honestly has such a good way with words, both when it comes to people and when it comes to prose, and seems wise way beyond her years at times. Her level-headedness has sometimes been a little intimidating to me, but possibly because it’d been a rare quality in people I’d known prior, and something I’m often lacking in myself. I look up to pretty much everyone for different reasons, or sometimes similar ones. Rav is one of these people I look up to, in part because of this level-headedness. (And also because holy shit she’s dealt with so much and still come out on top!!) She’s a lot of fun to write with and a very trustworthy person I’m honoured to call a friend.

I think, if my memory serves me right, when I was really starting to talk to this group as a group - not as it is now, but as it had been, with a few different people there or not there - it was Bets I’d first encountered. And, well, I didn’t make the best first impression, I don’t think... but I like to think it got way better afterwards. Bets is honestly a really fun and wild character whilst simultaneously having that level-headedness I really admire in people? And like, she has wack plotlines (I’m looking at all the Felly stuff especially with fuckin BIRDSCAPE), but it’s so much fun to see them unfold and be a part of them! I consider her one of the comic masters of the group alongside Ziz, and though their styles are fairly different I have a high respect for both of them. And what’s more, I’ve always found Bets super easy to approach, which is invaluable to me as someone who is very shy and unsure of themselves.

While I say Bets was one of the first people in this group that I encountered, but as the group stands now it was actually Situ. Prickly and Fin had this thing going between them that grew into joke-flirting that became actual flirting, because when you do something like that it’s almost certainly going to stop being a joke if you keep doing it. If there’s one thing I’m a sucker for it’s slow burn and these two delivered so wonderfully. Situ has always been super friendly, super eager and super full of enthusiasm! And while I regretfully haven’t always been able to match that, I have always had fun RPing with her. I love her art, her muse designs, and - honestly this might seem out of left field one day could you gimme a hand with my hair? Yours always looks so good!! ... Er, that aside, you’re another really approachable person who I appreciate a lot. (I also admire your muse dedication like holy shit how many blogs do I have now)

I absolutely have to open with the Del paragraph by stating she is fucking hilarious. There’s a reason she’s using the Jevil icon on Discord at the moment; she’s definitely our Joker. I’m legally obligated to state she’s full of beans (it’s funny because the beans are her muses), and I respect her so much for sticking with child muses and RPing them so well when it must be really damn difficult at times. There’s a lot of challenges that come with child muses for sure. Del is also a great listener, an enthusiastic plotter, and an incredibly sweet person. Fun fact: she sent me a plush jackalope a while back and he’s sat by my bedside ever since, receiving cuddles when I needed them most! Another fun fact: she’s usually the person who initiates the “hewwo??” in voice calls. Chaotic alignment as hell.

I’ve talked a lot about a particular group of friends but they aren’t really the only people I interact with... and while the people I interact with regularly has dwindled a little, there’s two people not in this specific group who are still super important to me, who I mentioned earlier, actually.

I’ll mention Shad first - blog linked further up - as someone who I’m really glad I grew closer to? We’d shared a few friend groups but it took a bit for us to really start interacting, and I’m so glad we did. She has a fucking killer sense of humour and it bleeds into her RPing in the best way. Being involved in her plots in any way is freaking awesome, and she’s been super great about getting involved in mine in a way that’s really fleshed them out and given them direction and form. Not to mention she was one of the reasons I got back into Guild Wars 2 and we have such a good time playing together and talking.

I think at least for now the last person and absofuckinlutely not least I’ll talk about is Ozi... whose friendship with me long pre-dates my current blogs, as we started RPing together in the League of Legends community. She’s a really positive influence in my life, and I’m honestly really grateful that she’s stuck by me through our changes in fandom. Seeing her grow and improve as an artist has been an absolute pleasure, and her writing has always delighted me. The development turns she takes are fantastic and really well thought out, and that she can work with so little and make so much is inspiring as all hell. (I’m mostly talking about the amount of work she managed to put into fleshing out Thresh back when we were in the LoL fandom but damn she’s doing such a good job with Shantae in this regard too?? Thresh was just a lot more... bare-bones. Ba dum tsch.)

It’s about now that I’ve run out of steam and it’s past my bed time but I would like to say that this list is by no means exhaustive. There’s a lot of people who have put me on the path I’m on today, some who I may not talk to as much, some I talk to more, some who I don’t talk to anymore at all. Maybe they left my life on a good note, maybe on a bad. But each and every person we meet leaves some kind of mark, however big, however small.

I’m grateful for all the people who’ve not only left kind marks on me, but stayed, too. ))

[paulruskeaton]

13 tips for future Fallout 76 players.

Fallout 76′s B.E.T.A. has given me a taste of what to expect from the full game. It has also given me a heads up on some of the mechanics and changes the franchise has introduced, for better or for worse. This post is written for those who already decided to buy 76, but chose to pick it up later, and to opt out of the B.E.T.A. Here’s some tips to make your first few hours with the game less frustrating. 

More after the break.

(These notes are based on version 1.0.0.6.; the last update released during the B.E.T.A..At time of writing, the game has not had its official release and the issues named here may have since been addressed by the development team. This post may be edited down the road for corrections and updates, if need be.)

1. Trading with party members is not the same as trading in general.... or trading as you have come to know.

In the current version, you have the option to trade with anyone on a server by walking up to them and holding down the key/button that prompts the trading screen. However, they’ve changed the up how the trading system actually functions. 

Instead of selecting what you want to buy and sell first and then confirming it all at once, you are forced to sell/buy each item individually. Pretty much, it’s less about item value and more about how many caps you have on hand. Caps are given more function in this game, as you need to them to fast travel long distances  and move your CAMP around. Okay, sure, but once you get to the real-life players involved with this system, things get... complicated.

Say you see a cool baseball bat in someone’s inventory and decide you want to have it. Here’s how you go about getting it. First, you select it, which marks the item as something you are interested in. Then the seller needs to select the item as well and then set a price. Once the price has been set, the buyer can then select the item again to purchase it. 

Sounds simple on paper, but no one in the parties I was in understood this system: me included. In fact, if you are in a party and want to swap gear, you are much better off dropping each other’s items---which appears in a bottomless paper bag at the moment---and pick it out of there. But if you’re looking to be a merchant, it’s still an awkward system. Again, you can’t purchase en mass or just swap items without getting caps involved. Okay, that’s not completely true: you can set the cap value to zero, but you still have to do this for each item you wish to sell/buy. 

Oh, and additionally, be sure to use the “offers” filter often, or at least if you get stuck with a person who isn’t talking. Which brings me to the next tip....

2. Your mic is either always on, or always off. 

There is no mic button; nobody likes this.

In most online games I know, if you want to talk, you hold down the button/key bound to that, which opens your mic. 76 does not have this. There are four options, toggled in only in settings: “Off, “Auto,” “Team,” and “Area.” The people I hung around with usually had it on “Team”, since that filters out everyone else on the server: who are the ones who have it on “Auto”. “Area”, which only broadcasts your voice to... eh... the nearby area, ended up being kind of useless, since not everyone wants to hear you all time: which will happen because Bethesda, again, made sure of that. 

You mic turns on whenever it detects a noise higher than a pin drop. So if you’re chatting with someone on Discord, have a dog, tend to breathe heavily, or if you’re pretty much in close proximity to anything that makes a noise, you will be heard unless you turn off your mic completely, or are muted. Additionally, while there is an icon that displays next to the name of the player who is talking, is is super tiny, so unless you are standing right in front of them or have a very distinct voice, you may not actually know who is talking. Speaking of things that are hard to shut up...

3. Audio Logs

In the first few missions, you are tasked with finding audio logs of the old Overseer and some groups that used to operate in Appalachia. Last time I checked, once you pick them up, they play automatically. So first off, they moved the holotapes menu away from “data” to its own menu under “inventory”; you go here to play/stop a tape. Second, if you’re playing with a team or just some unmuted folk, you’ll need to turn on the subtitles, so you can actually hear what you’re supposed to do. This comes in handy because...

4. Objectives are super vague, super cluttered, and super fickle.

You know that old problem with Bethesda quests where the compass will keep leading you inside, then outside, in then back out again for one marker? Well, that’s back: with a vengeance. At once point, a teammate and I decided to fix up a nearby power plant. The objective was simple: fix up the generator, reactor, and cooling towers. How, may you ask? Well, i’ll tell you right now, because the game sure doesn’t. You find leaks and broken yellow control panels. That’s it. 

Simple enough, right? Yes, but then the aforementioned marker problem comes into play. These leaks and panels are never in the same building and seem to use the same marker icon as everything else, so if you’re in a labyrinth of a building, and power plants tend to be here, expect to run around in circles. A lot. Additionally, unless you shut them off, you will see your teammate’s open objectives on your screen as well: cluttering up the HUD pretty quickly.

Oh, and some of these quests are on a timer. Yep. 

Some quests are called “events”. They pop up on the overworld map whenever a player starts them and anyone on the server can join in to assist. (Though they may not always get the XP... I haven’t figured out why yet.)The event ends either once it’s completed, abandoned (leaving the area) or after an allotted time. Why for the latter? Other than to annoy me, I have no idea. I do know that my friend and I failed that power plant objective, right near the end, because the game got impatient with our running around. Hardly our fault though: we kept dying. Why?

5. Because dragons.

Surprise! It’s Skyrim after all! 

Okay, technically no, but it’s an action RPG where you fight dragons so I’m making the joke now while it’s still a living horse. They’re actually “scorched beasts”, and they shoot nothing but radioactive murder plague death from their mouths. Don’t fight them until you are ready, and you won’t be for awhile. Don’t be like my idiot teammate and try to bring one down “for the XP”. You’ll just die. Over and over. Speaking of death...

6. You “lose” items when you die.

But don’t worry, you can retrieve them. But balance that choice wisely. You can respawn near your last death point, but do take a moment to ask yourself a few questions. “Why did I die?” Was it because of something manageable, like a ghoul or mutant that got the jump on you? Or was it a marauding player--who probably already picked it up--who now has a bounty on their head? Or was it because of the aforementioned murder death dragons? Take these into consideration. Also consider what you left behind. When you die, you only drop whatever junk/scrap you had picked up and haven’t stashed away yet. (More on that later.) Ask yourself, was it something kinda common like steel or cloth? Or was it something absolutely essential, like....

7. Wood and Aluminum

You need these. Always. Never walk pass them. Ever.

In Fallout 4, adhesive was the precious commodity. Now you can find that near everywhere. Meanwhile, in a video game literally set in an enormous forest, wood is hard to come by. Why? No idea. You can’t “scrap” your environment like in 4, and for some reason, axes cannot cut down trees. (Yes, they never could in these games, but I feel like there’s some serious cognitive dissonance going on here) You need wood to build shelters, crafting tables and make “boiled water”; all key for early survival. 

But you can scrape up enough wood for this if you know where to look: scrapping common weapons is the main one and some areas have lumber in small piles. The bigger headache is aluminium. Aluminum is much rarer and you need aluminum. Why?

8. Because weapons/armor can now break again.

Unpopular opinion: I actually liked the repair system of past Fallout games. Having to do equipment upkeep felt, I dunno, appropriate for a series about survival? It was also aided by the fact that you can do repairs on the fly with similar items, or the Jerryrigging perk. This time, not so much. When your equipment breaks, you need to find a workbench to fix it, and you need materials to do so. Once again, this is why you need as much aluminum as you can carry because most repairs need them. But what about...

9. Being over-encumbered.

So having to carry so much junk... well, you know what tends to happen. But the over-encumbered penalty has been tweaked a bit: while you will still slow to a crawl, it’s only after your AP meter has been exhausted. 

Luckily, they made junking more convenient: you can break down any junk, armor, and weapon at any workbench and some early perks allow you to carry more by cutting the weight of various items. Stock up on ‘em early if you can; it’ll make the trek back to your stash box easier. That said...

10. Your stash box is not bottomless.

Hoarders beware: use it or lose it.

Your stash is always with you as long as you have a CAMP around, but as I learned, it does have a limit to what can be held. Pretty much, you’re forced to craft and trade often; to not just pick up anything you find lying around because you’ll probably have use for it later. (After all, your priority is wood and aluminum anyway.) Unfortunately, I have no way to trump this system. The closest thing I found is to craft ammo: a much more precious commodity than caps. Come on, Bethesda, just because Metro uses a bullet currency doesn’t mean you’re prohibited from implementing it! That said, you may conclude that you could take the old Skyrim approach and just trade a high volume of useless crap for the good stuff. Well, guess what.

11. You cannot “print money.”

They actually nipped this one in the bud early on. Yes, you can craft things if you have the ingredients and recipes to do so. But that’s not for everything. I saw that craftable hatchets and knives can no longer be traded at the handful of NPC merchants in the game. Same goes for bullets: you’re better off just shooting your surplus ammo into the air, like a “true Appalachian”, than setting on them, waiting for value. Unfortunately, you cannot scrap bullets either, which is a shame and I hope the add the option down the line, around the time they further restrict our trading options.

12. Oh, yeah, I also said “recipes.”

There are more things in this game that require “plans” and “recipes” before they can actually be crafted. I was into this for the sake of immersion: how your character in 4 readily had the knowledge to build a small house with complete furnishings was something I found silly. But as I stated earlier, 76 has a very questionable view of reality, so it may void that a little. Regardless, you earn plans and recipes through various means. The common way, for armor/weapon modding anyway, is to scrap items, which gives you a chance to learn a new modding recipe for that item. You also earn some by completing quests and events, and can sometimes buy them from merchants. (Can’t sell them though.) On top of that, some still need the right perks to use. Oh, I should actually close on that one...

13. Perk Cards and Leveling

They brought back perks for 76, in the form of cards you unlock at every new level. You combine duplicate cards to raise thier levels as well. When you level, you are asked to put a new point into any of your S.P.E.C.I.A.L. attributes. The total number of points in your S.P.E.C.I.A.L. dictates what perk cards you can swap in. For example, if your Strength is 4 and you have a perk card that's upgraded to level 3, you won’t be able to slide it in if you have three level 1 Strength cards in the deck. Oh, and your choice of new perk card is NOT limited to what perk you decided to level up.

---

And.... pretty much those are the key things I want you future players to know. But here’s a couple other tidbits to know.

You need to be a special level to use Power Armor and some high-tier weapons. You can still use the chassis at anytime though, providing you have the cores.

Food rots. Don’t overpack with perishable meals that you won’t use, unless you plan to make fertilizer later.

You can make diluted Stimpacks, RadAway, and Rad-X, which means it’ll double your medicine supply, but will be less effective.

You can save structures to blueprints to be built later, but you will still need the materials!

ALUMINUM. WOOD. ALUMINUM AND WOOD.

And one last thing before you take off on your new wasteland journey:

Bethesda made a lot of questionable decisions here, not just in gameplay but in world building. Once again, you will find that a lot of lore has been glossed over and/or ignored by committee. You may be tempted to get very emotional over what can be perceived as a gross disregard of canon and that Todd Howard is satisfied with slapping the Fallout brand on anything he wants. 

I have come to accept this as fact and have chosen to still have fun with the game regardless.

It’s a big functional mess of a timesink that is, once again, more about making a profit than paying respect to a classic franchise: the norm of the industry. For all we know, this may become the installment that “kills” the franchise. But so far, I’ve been having fun and accepting it for what it is and prepared for whatever direction it chooses to goes in next.

As for you, I hope to meet you on these country roads very soon!

[foundphoenix]

do em all gang

this ended up being SUPER LONG. so instead of clogging up the dash,, i just put it under a cut. but here. all 38 of this meme here. 

1. what would prevent you from following someone?

i won't follow back if there isn't a rules page for me to read. OR if i can't find the link to the rules page. i'm a stickler for being able to read someone's rules. it makes me super anxious not to be able to do so.

2. are aesthetics important to you? if they are, why?

sometimes. i won't NOT follow someone if i don't like their aesthetic. because when it comes right down to it -- i don't have to see someone’s aesthetics every day. just their writing.

3. what current rp trend do you hate?

i actually can't really think of one? i'm not super in the know about all the trends, though.

4. how do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

i've been roleplaying long enough that most people in my life know that i roleplay. but -- if i have to explain it to someone new... i kinda just tell them like -- i roleplay. and if they don't know what it is or if they immediately go to kinky things then i go more in depth and explain that no it's a writing thing between two people.

5.do you prefer interacting with male muses or female more? why?

i don't really have a preference, if we're being honest. i know that most people do but... i really can't think of a single reason why i prefer one over the other.

6. do you prefer writing male muses or female more? why?

considering i have several more male muses than female you could probably say that i have a preference for male muses. but? i don't know exactly why that is. i think that... it just happens that way. i think that it's because i gravitate towards the abused boys, lmao. i want to cuddle them and love them and make them happy.

7. what's your opinion on call out posts?

i don't like them. i feel like things could be resolved in messages or with a block. but then again -- i've never been in a situation like that. so i don't know what the mindset is behind putting someone on blast.

8. name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

i really hate that we all can't just be nice & respect each other. i hate that people seem to gravitate to male muses more than they do female ones. & i absolutely cannot stand the drama.

9. what is your opinion on exclusivity? do you practice it? why / why not?

i have my preferences... but i don't practice exclusives anymore. i find that it causes more drama than it's worth.

10. have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? as either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

no, i haven't.

11. what do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started.

i've been roleplaying since i was twelve. over the years i've learned, as a sheltered homeschooled kid, that people can be harsh. it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings to be mean to you. / writing is hard. i've really had to work at getting to where i am now. & that this is a hobby, not a job. i don't have to do anything that i don't want to do.

12. have you ever been involved in drama? do you regret it?

not on tumblr, no.

13. have you ever thought about leaving rp? what caused it? what changed you mind?

i've thought about leaving roleplay hundreds of times since i was twelve. since i've been on tumblr though, i've never really thought about quitting altogether. i have, however, thought about changing fandoms a few times.

14. do you think rp has a positive or a negative effect on your life or you as a person?

i think it's had both, honestly. it has brought me so many great friends that i hope to keep forever. but on the other hand, there has been a whole helluva lot of drama over the years that have caused me to cry & stress out a lot. i put far too much effort into making people online like me. i worry far too much about what they think.

15. has rp changed you personally?

YES. all of my social interaction for years has come from online & rp. my friends have shaped and changed me from an innocent, anxious child. to an even more anxious adult. i have grown up on roleplay. like i said, i have been roleplaying since i was 12. i've changed a lot since then. i don't know what rp & the online community has directly affected to explain and what was just destined... but. lmao.

16. if you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? why?

i'd change how everyone treats each other. i just really wish that everyone could get along. i hate seeing people getting left out.

17. have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? why?

no, i haven't. i've sent asks to myself in the very beginning to see what they would look like on themes -- but it was never on anon & they got deleted just after.

18. have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? why?

NO. i have never done this. i've never even thought of it. i don't agree with it, either.

19. do you delete anon hate or post and address it? why?

i have never received anon hate ( so far. ) so i'm unsure how i would address it. probably just delete it and move on.

20. have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren't comfortable with?

YES. it's been a few years. but back where i used to write. everything was pretty anything goes. and there were a few times where i was uncomfortable with the scenes i was doing.

21. have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?

yes.

22. what would make you block someone?

repeatedly breaking my rules. i'd soft block first. i'd only block if they came back and continued to do it.

23. have you ever stolen something from someone else?

i will admit, i have taken plot ideas before & wrote them with friends on discord. but i've never stolen anything like graphics or icons. that's not cool.

24. have you ever had something stolen from you? if so, how did you handle it?

no, i haven't.

25. are you open to duplicates? why / why not?

in the past i've been very open to duplicates. as of recent, i've been having some major duplicate anxiety. i don't like to see them on my dash. BUT i've made several good friends out of duplicates in other fandoms. so? i guess i'm chill w/ them. sometimes it just makes me anxious, haha.

26. how do you feel about vague posting?

not big on it, tbh.

27. do you follow people even if they don't follow you back?

i don't really check my mututals that often ! when i do, i'll go unfollow the people that i know i've been following for a while that never followed me back. but that's rare. tbh i don't really follow people first much anymore? idk sksks.

28. do you read people's rules before following or interacting?

ALWAYS. i literally will have anxiety if i don't. lmao.

29. what is your opinion on "reblog karma" and do you practice it?

i ALWAYS try to send a meme if i can. but i don't actively practice reblog karma -- i don't really care tbh. i'm grateful for all the memes i get. & with credence,, there are very few memes i'm comfortable w/ sending from him just bc of how he is. he's v picky w/ memes. if i can't send something i DO try to reblog from the source but shrug

30. how have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? do you use it in everyday life? do you use it at all?

i think it depends by what slang you mean? i've picked up several things from tumblr & twitter too? they're very similar in the way everyone talks. so?? i guess that i've picked it up idk skksks.

31. is there something you don't know the meaning of, but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it's supposed to be general knowledge? was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain?

i google a lot of the things i don't understand. which is a lot. or i ask morgan lmao.

32. have you ever experienced discrimination?

no, i don't think so.

33. how do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog?

i don't mind them following as long as they don't interact & throw off my activity.

34. have you ever cried while writing a reply?

yes, i have. most certainly.

35. do you read other people's threads, or do you only read your own?

i only really read my own. & morgan's if she sends them to me! sometimes i'll skim replies on the dash but i never really search out whole threads.

36. what is one thing other people seem to hate that doesn't bother you?

i can't?? really think of anything?? idk. lmao.

37. how do you feel about tagging triggers? do you tag them? how do you determine what is triggering contend and what isn't?

i don't tag triggers. except for anything nsfw & negative. ( which, i tag just as nsfw & negativity tw. ) i cannot determine what all is triggering content and it makes me REALLY anxious to try.

38. what advice would you give to someone new to rp?

HAVE FUN. don't try and take it so seriously that you end up making yourself a ball of nerves. this is a hobby. you don't have to take it so seriously that it wrecks your nerves. take advice from others. and just... enjoy yourself. idk. lmao.

OKAY FINALLY LMAO. damn, that was kinda stressful. took FOREVER.