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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 5 years ago

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This is the most offensivly ignorant comment I’ve ever had the misfortunte of reading

Unsurprisingly it comes from the King of ‘What you just said is so aggressively idiotic I feel like you just insulted everyone’: RDMacQ.

For context you need to read this statement from someone else. Whilst I do not agree with this statement I’m not addressing it’s merits or demerits.

“Let me say that I don't like Evil Superman as a concept, but when written well, like Tom Taylor's Injustice comics, where the guy who wrote it clearly has love for the traditional version of Superman and tries to humanize him even at his worst so you can relate and feel for the guy, I accept it, I enjoy it. By that same token, I was always open to Peter/MJ not working out if it was done well, and not done as in the case of OMD/OMIT with the demonstrable intent of slandering MJ's character and making Peter young hip and open to dating younger girls without him coming off as a creep and sleazebag. I am not okay with it happening to preserving Peter's sainthood. I mean the reason I accepted Peter B. in ITSV is that it did that take on the direction the character went into very well. In the case of Life Story #3, you are meant to agree with MJ and she's shown as a moral force, someone who condemns Venom Peter when he is about to kill Kraven-in-Cloth Suit. And of course people need to keep in mind that in Life Story, Reed and Sue didn't work out either, Vision suffers more guilt than even Peter can fathom, Captain America made a bigger and more difficult choice and faces more consequences for his actions than Peter does. So I feel that whatever Zdarsky is doing he's playing fair in the way that other writers don't when they do the story this way. And also tonally, the story is set in the '80s, the age of Watchmen. I think in terms of decade-specific mood and trend, having a story where Spider-man becomes a deadbeat dad worried about not being in prime physical shape and so on...is quite apposite.”

Then we get to RDMacQ’s bullshit

“Yeah, I find it weird that the main complaint is "This isn't what happened in the original comics" and I'm like "Yeah.... kind of the point!"”

Here is the problem.

Life Story is intended and promoted as a WHAT IF.

The way a WHAT IF works is that it takes what DID happen and changes variables to explore how that’d impact the outcome.

With Variables A+B you get outcome 1 (the main universe).

But what if you had Variables C+D? You would get outcome 2.

Gwen Stacy died so Spider-Man tried (and ultimately refrained) from murdering the Green Goblin.

But what If Spider-Man saved Gwen Stacy? Then she’d accept him, he’d stop the Goblin, but the Goblin would expose his identity in the interim and thus ruin Peter’s life.

Kingpin’s assassin injured Aunt May so Peter beat him up.

But what If the Kingpin’s assassin didn’t injure Aunt May but simply outright killed Mary Jane? Then Peter would directly murder the Kingpin.

Life Story doesn’t play fair as a What if in the slightest.

A what if done properly is confined by the parameters of the original story. Everyone still needs to act in character within the context of the new situation as defined by the older stories.

That isn’t he case in Life Story

To begin with it isn’t changing just one variable it’s changing multiple. Spider-Man is aging in real time. The events of his life are happening in roughly the same time period they would’ve been published, but not in the same order. The level of realism is drastically higher since Marvel heroes are going to the Vietnam War.

Characters act arbitrarily differently in ways they wouldn’t do in the context of the new variables. Case in point, why exactly would Norman Osborn pull the scheme he di in issue #2 just because he’s in prison? His plan never made sense. And in issue #4 his plan was even more asinine. He wanted to destroy Spider-Man and due to being too old to do it himself he pulled the Clone Saga and got Doc Ock to attack Spidey on his behalf. But he knew who Peter was, why not just reveal the truth. Doing so couldn’t harm him as he’d already paid for his crimes as the Goblin and his identity was public knowledge.

That doesn’t make sense. That’s not an opinion that’s just self-evident by the story. The cause and effect of it doesn’t add up.

But RDMacQ doesn’t believe in that. According to him Norman’s actions are justified because ‘ a crazy person did something that didn’t make sense’. That’s the laziest most pathetic attempt at analysis. And yet this cum bubble of a human being has the audiactity to claim I don’t analyse.

To him authorial intent is everything unless he doesn’t like it.

Because the point is that it’s supposed to be different from canon that means that characters can act in ANY way that’s different. ANY thing that is different is a viable option. Which obviously defeats the entire object of the project. If you are going to do that what is the point of rooting it in 616 canon in the first place? Why rely upon familiarity with the canon universe if you are going to randomly change anything on a whim as opposed to in logical response to a changed variable?

In doing that all you have accomplished is a weird and unfocussed Ultimate Universe, not a What if.

But then ol’ Big Mac starts to step up the game.

“I think probably my issue arises due to certain recent fan outrages, and a lot of the rationalizations and justifications that came from them. The latest episode of Game of Thrones, for example, had a lot of people- and I mean a LOT of people- decrying a character's "Heel" turn and their "Out of character" moments- while at the same time showing a bit of a misreading of the material or the subject matter.”

Bear in mind when he wrote this the latest episode of HBO’s Game of Thrones was the penultimate episode of it’s eighth and final season. In it, key protagonist, Daenerys slaughtered a whole city full of civilians with a fire breathing dragon and her army. Throughout the show she’d previously been defined as being unwilling to kill innocents on principle, once claiming that each enslaved person in a city was a reason to conquer the city and liberate it’s people. She was so horrified that one of her dragons inadvertently killed a child that she locked them up. She once affirmed that she did not want to be ‘Queen of the Ashes’ amidst her campaign to retake her homeland.

It’s fair to say the overwhelming majority of viewers AND professional critics took major issue with this and declared it a travesty and out of character.

Behind-the-scenes stories also heavily point to Emilia Clarke (the actress portraying the character) being upset and disenchanted with her character’s direction.

youtube

For my money these two videos are the best examinations of the disaster that was Daenerys heel turn in this episode of Game of Thrones.*

youtube

Also please bear in mind the ‘man’ saying people are misreading things is the same man who has continually insisted that Norman Osborn merely wants to kill Spider-Man in spite of me citing examples to the contrary, including this page.

So you know, not exactly demonstrating great analytical skills there.

“I think it's far too easy to cry "Out of character" when a character does something different, or simply questionable, because it's an easy catch all phrase that sounds like you know something, but in reality it's just a cover for a lack of understanding of things like characterization or plot development.”

Says the ‘man’ who genuinely once said Norman Osborn doing something nonsensical is justified because ‘he’s crazy’.

Says the ‘man’ who leaned incredibly hard on the idea that Miles Warren in Life Story would not have intervened in Gwen’s marriage to Peter Parker even though his entire character revolves around his jealous obsession over her.

Says the guy who once said a writer can randomly decide all of Mary Jane’s character development since the 1980s didn’t matter.

Says the ‘man’ who once claimed Doc Ock at the end of Gage’s Superior run was he real Doc Ock even though he was literally a clone of his mind in a clone of his body…and then he refused to listen to me when I repeatedly spelled that fact out for him. His rationale was ‘Marvel are treating him as the real guy so he is’.

Says the ‘man’ that in his ‘interpretation’ Spider-Man regarded Ned Leeds as a ‘viper’ after he was revealed as the Hobgoblin, in spite of literally no evidence supporting that interpretation and you know Spider-Man literally saying otherwise multiple times; including in the issue he learned Ned was a villain. In fact when I pointed this out to ol’ big Mac he referred to such things as ‘arbitrary’.

Says the guy who once said it’s better for stories to be in multi-parters because before the rise of decompression al stories had rushed endings. Remember how Amazing Fantasy #15, The Kid Who Collects Spider-Man, Sensational Annual 2007, The Conversation and When Commeth the Commuter all had ‘rushed’ endings?

Says the poor excuse for a ‘man’ who once claimed there was nothing wrong with the JMS run having magic but who also lambasted Peter David’s Spider-Man work for involving magic and time travel, even though JMS wrote ASM #500 which is literally about magic time travel.

What I am trying to say is this ‘man’ has systemically demonstrated immense hypocrisy and stupidity but a staggering deficiency when it comes to literary analytical skills.

“The movie reviewer Bob Chipman mentioned this in one of his videos where he talked about the problems that a lot of "Modern" viewers have is that they believe because they watch a lot of movies in a year, that somehow makes them film buffs or gives them insight into the storytelling process, when in reality what they are doing is watching all the Marvel movies or all the big releases, and assuming that gives them the same sort of insight that people who go to school to learn this sort of thing do. And I kind of think that's also true of comics as well.”

Oh boy, is there a lot to unpack here.

Keeper of the Gate

For starters let’s call this out for what it is. As much as he might be softening the statement by saying ‘kind of’, what he is actually doing right here is GATEKEEPING.**

He is saying unless you have ‘gone to school to learn this sort of thing’ you don’t COUNT as a critic.***

Okay let’s dive into that one.

Schooling ain’t everything

Gone to school to do what exactly? How to make movies? That’s what film school is for right? So you can learn how to write, produce, direct, etc movies. Correct me if I am wrong but film school does not teach you how to CRITIQUE movies.

So by this logic going to film school wouldn’t qualify you to critique a movie, just how to make them. Except no one argues that. Bob Chipman himself studied film at school and it is from that point of view that his analyses come from.

So by RDMacQ’s own logic Bob himself isn’t qualified for his own job, let alone RD himself. At which point why does Bob’s words carry any weight at all?

But wait, we can go yet deeper.

What if we aren’t talking about film school specifically? What if someone just studied film as their major in college but not strictly film school? Is that good enough to be a film critic or not? If it is are you a lower echelon of film critic?

What if you minored in film/media studies instead of majored in it? Are you yet lower on the totem pole?

What if you went to film school but dropped out?

What if you studied from home and didn’t actually GO to the school itself?

What if you studied it at A school but pre-college?

What if you studied it privately outside of an educational institution? In other words a self-taught film student?

Shit, what about the first ever film critics or the first ever film makers who pioneered techniques and the art form? If they were going through the trial and error of formulating the art form and medium there obviously couldn’t have BEEN film schools back then?

Do they not count?

Not to mention the cultural implications of this. If you are an American who attended a French film school are you unqualified to critique American films and only French ones, even if you grew up predominantly with American cinema?

Let’s change things up a little and look to TV in Britain. One of the most acclaimed British TV writers of all time was a man named John Sullivan. Sullivan created multiple beloved and acclaimed sitcoms, the most famous of which is called Only Fools and Horses. So successful was this show that it was the most viewed TV show in Britain in both the 90s and the 2000s. The latte in particular is an achievement since the show existed purely as reruns in the 2000s sans literally 3 episodes.

The show had a total of 64 episodes and ran between 1981-2003. Do you know how many of those 64 episodes Sullivan wrote?

ALL of them.

And do you know how many of them have predominantly negative reviews? Arguably just four.

Not only has the show been positively received it’s been regarded as the singular greatest British comedy of all time, a title it still holds to this day.

Amidst the praise that the show has received is it’s great characterization, it’s emotional moments and in particular it’s utter command of narrative structure. Not only do the jokes land they land with grace and make the feat seem easy when it’s all over. The cherry on his record was his OBE, an official government recognition of his positive contributions to the arts.

So you know, this guy clearly knew how to tell a good story. He did like 60 times in a row single handily.

So when and where did he study film? The answer is, he didn’t.

He never studied film. His formal education stopped at age 15 when he dropped out of school with no qualifications. Even if he had completed his secondary high school education he’d have not studied film. Film was not on the British curriculum at the time and to my knowledge still isn’t. At best you can study ‘media studies’ starting at age 16-18 before you go on to university. But up until age 16 it’s just not an available option.

He did go to evening classes for English and read teach yourself books but that was it.

By Big Mac’s standards this writer who’s been recognized by the government themselves wasn’t qualified to write anything, let alone critique it.

Additionally let’s consider one teeny weeny little fact. If you’ve lived through the formal education system in pretty much any Western country you have almost certainly been educated on how to gain an insight into the storytelling process. Because that’s a big part of what fucking ENGLISH class is for!****

MovieBob

I’d say I’m shocked and appalled at RD’s audacity and lack of self-awareness in citing MovieBob Chipman. But I’m not. It actually makes far too much sense.

MovieBob is a broken clock that’s often not even right twice a day. His credibility as a critic and as a human being is also woefully lacking.

For starters RD is a big Spider-Marriage proponent (though he’s recently turned traitor and says he doesn’t really mid if it doesn’t come back). To his credit he has often called out and deconstructed unfair and disingenuous arguments against the Spider-Marriage.

Bob however is staunchly on the other side of that debate.

He’s even said the marriage was never good, came from an illegitimate place, that Spider-Mans imply should never be married and in fact argued that a late Slott era Spider-Man and MJ were more interesting than they were before.

Thus I find RD’s citing of Bob to back up his claims about who is ‘qualified’ to be a critic the height of irony.

But you know, that doesn’t necessarily hurt RD’s argument. Hell, Bob un-ironically believing in eugenics or intelligence testing for voters doesn’t necessarily hurt RD’s argument.

Nor does MovieBob’s weird, weird views on how society apparently punishes the Big Brains like himself of course. Although it’s so telling that an arrogant prick like RD would invoke the words of a ‘brother-in-arms’ like Bob.

No, what hurts RD’s argument is where Bob was probably coming from with his initial statement.

See I heavily suspect that RD’s claims about Bob are kind of stem from his interpretations of this video Bob made called ‘BIG PICTURE: PLOTHOLE SURFERS’. Noticeably that video cites this video by another Youtube film critic named Patrick Willems. Called ‘SHUT UP ABOUT PLOT HOLES’.

The sentiments of both videos explicitly or implicitly echo Big MacQuack’s. Everyone is wrong in how they are critiquing movies except them and people like them because they are ‘professionals’ because they went to school.

None of these arguments hold up to scrutiny both due to stuff I have mentioned above but also for various other reasons I’m not going to bother unpacking here. If you want a detailed look at why Chipman and Willems (and by extension RD) are full of shit there are several Youtube videos dissecting their points, particularly Willems’.

However, I’ve found the most detailed to be this video.

youtube

There is also this video where they more directly address Bob’s video.

Fair warning they are long and get less than PC, and yet they do address why the videos don’t hold up to scrutiny.

Self-taught critic

Here is a crazy thought, if you’ve watched all the Marvel movies and big releases every year, why SHOULDN’T that give you a potential insight when critiquing OTHER Marvel movies or big releases? Those things are competing against one another, they are broadly going for the same audience. If you familiarise yourself with them then it is not beyond impossibility that you could mentally play spot the difference in the storytelling and critically evaluate them. It’s almost like in consuming that media you have formulated a CRITERIA which you are then CRITICALLY judging similar such media against.

Hypocrisy

The best part about RD’s statements? He himself has never gone to film school. Nor has he gone to a school specifically teaching him how to analyse comic books nor write them.

By his own logic he has disqualified himself from partaking in critiquing any story, as he did with Life Story or Game of Thrones earlier on.

But the best part?

If you check out the thread this is from and observe the poster called Chase the Blues Away they often disagree. CTBA points out holes in RD’s arguments and subtly questions his reading comprehension. Entirely separately they also implied they felt GoT’s writing was illogical towards the end of season 8 as well.

Why is CTBA relevant.

Because they actually HAVE gone to film school!

Furthermore, on both Life Story and most other matters related to Spider-Man CTBA and myself have been on the same page, whether this entails agreeing with one another’s statements or by coincidence having similar positions.

Now me?

I NEVER went to film school nor did I study English literature formally beyond age 18. Oh, I’ve read bits and bobs about writing (my favourite being Russell T Davies’ book ‘A Writer’s Tale’). But I have no college level formal education on the craft of writing. My analytical skills were cultivated from my school experiences and a whole load of osmosis and practice.

I have also found myself often on the same page as another person who at least studied English at a college level. They are another poster on the same forum called MacGoblin, perhaps better known as the creator of the (now defunct) SpideyKicksButt website. For many people the site was THE best source of Spider-Man analysis on the web for over a decade.

MadGoblin still participates regularly on a podcast covering new Spider-Man issues and whether or not I agree with all his assessments the manner in which he analyses (with an eye upon continuity) is similar to myself and indeed all the other panellists on the podcast.

One of the former panellists on the podcast (who I have also been on the same page with more often than not) was called Donomark and he too studied English at a college level.

So that’s three people who meet RD’s arbitrary rules for who is a ‘real’ critic. And yet I (someone who doesn’t meet RD’s criteria) have come to mostly the exact same conclusions as they have through entirely independent analysis.

As have other people I know who didn’t study film or English Lit in college.

So, either I’m just an absolute prodigy, or RDMacQ, Willems and MovieBob’s criteria for who can and can’t grasp plot and characters is full of shit.

“A lot of the complaints I've seen is that Peter wouldn't or didn't do this in the original comics. But arguing "Peter wouldn't do this because in ASM #225, on page 11..." isn't pointing out the flaw in the story.”

As always RD is devoid of nuance or appreciating the complexities of things.

If in Life Story or any Spider-Man story in canon Peter acts in a way at odds with his established characterization which is DEFINED by ASM #225 then absolutely that’s pointing out a flaw in a story.

Case in point, here is this poorly drawn satire of Superior Spider-Man RDMacQ himself made:

Most of the gags at the expense of Superior Spider-Man in this page was made through the lens of knowing the characters’ past, of knowing what they did and how they acted in older stories.

The confusion over Crazy Town Banana Pants derives from Superior claiming Peter routinely said this when he in fact never did.

Carlie’s suspicions over Superior’s behaviour stems from he fact that the older stories have established how Peter acts and established that Carlie knows how he acts. Therefore Carlie not realizing the truth when she’s been told is illogical. That’s the gag from someone who’s stamped his foot on the ground and angrily refuted that human beings are capable of being logical.

The same is true of this next page too.

Captain America refers to ‘usual’ people involved with the Avengers (super scientists, etc.). Usual means there is a precedent and a precedent can only be defined via a pattern. A pattern of what? A pattern of older stories!

The second panel is bringing up the OLDER STORY ‘Ends of the Earth’ to prove the hypocrisy of Doc Ock

The final panel references SEVERAL past events. The Clone Saga. The Alien Costume Saga. Every time the Chameleon or another shape shifter has impersonated him. Kraven’s Last Hunt.

It’s also referencing the fact that MJ would KNOW about them and even goes really specific by referencing the events of a few pages of one specific issue of Kraven’s Last Hunt. Not the gist of the story, not the climax or the most famous moments. This one scene in the middle of everything else.

RD is using that very specific moment to draw a comparison between it and the events of Superior in order to point out how MJ is not acting consistently.

Almost like she’s, I dunno, OUT OF CHARACTER or something?

Oh, and or the record declaring Peter would or wouldn’t act this way because of ASm #225 p11 is bullshit because Peter isn’t even on that page.

“That's just spouting comic book trivia, which isn't the same thing.”

But referencing events in the middle of KLH which are hardly iconic and immediately memorable and pointing out how MJ didn’t act consistently with them in Superior Spider-Man?

Oh no, that’s NOT ‘spouting comic book trivia’.

Can you see the hypocrisy of this creature now?

Can you see how BROKEN it is to argue a character being established as acting a certain way by an older story DOESN’T mean it matters thereafter?

And he says I am bad at analysis, Jesus Christ.

“Knowledge of trivia isn't the same as understanding plot structure, foreshadowing, character development, or knowing or accepting that just because something happens in issue 1 doesn't mean it will stay that way throughout the entire book.”

First of all the sheer audacity of someone with such non-existent analytical skills to DARE fucking throw shade like this is astounding. That’s like Michael Bay trying to explain how you make a movie with substance.

Second of all he’s right and wrong here.

Knowing the history of the characters is not the same as knowing those things.

But that doesn’t render it trivia because it’s the fucking histories of the characters that define who they goddam are!

Everyone agrees Spider-Man would not have acted the way he did in One More Day right? And that MJ wouldn’t have acted the way she did in OMIT right?

Why? Why do people feel the characters would not behave that way?

Because they read older stories that depicted them acting in certain ways in certain situations that were then contradicted by OMD and OMIT.

You know like MJ not realising Superior Spidey wasn’t really Peter even though the situation was incredibly similar to Kraven’s Last Hunt and both entailed imposters pretending to be Spider-Man.

No, knowing the history isn’t the same as knowing all that other stuff.

But it is undeniably an integral PART of being able to analyse something because if the prior events don’t matter, if they are merely trivia (or worse trivia when he wants it to be but not when he doesn’t) then NOTHING matters.

Why the fuck should issue #1 matter when reading issue #2? Or issue #3 when reading issue #5?

What does it matter if chapter 1 established our protagonist as an adult black man with a wife but by chapter 10, with no explanation they are a teenaged white woman claiming they’ve never been married?

Hey, chapter 1 is just trivia right. Why should that matter?

By the way, go ask Harry Potter fans if those little details are irrelevant and see how that goes.

He’s also (unsurprisingly) disgustingly disingenuous in his final point. Yes, things between issue #1 and issue #25 will change. But there is a world of difference between something changing via development vs. lazy contradictive writing.

Case in point, in ASM #1 Peter Parker doesn’t have a job, is a pariah at school and runs away crying from a failed adventure. In issue #25 he has a freelance job, isn’t running away crying and 2 ladies are interested in him.

WHAT? Isn’t this a contradiction? Doesn’t accepting this change mean you accept that issue #1 was mere trivia?

No, because between issue #1 and #25 we saw how and when Peter got a job, those two ladies became interested in him and we saw his skills, experience and confidence grow. The end result is that issue #25 was different to issue #1 because we’d been on a JOURNEY to get us there.

In contrast in ASM #700 Doc Ock is seemingly turned into a good guy because all of Spider-Man’s memories were beamed into his head, teaching him Uncle Ben’s famous mantra. But in Superior Spider-Man #1 he’s randomly reverted to what he was doing back in ASM #698.

So that stuff was just trivia? But that stuff was the resolution of ASM #700 and therefore the set up for Superior #1. The latter couldn’t exist without the former and yet it doesn’t make sense.

And you see that? You see how that cause and effect problem exists? Yeah, that’s PART of critiquing plot structure and foreshadowing. It’s ALMOST like the older stories aren’t merely trivia but actually very important and play a factor in the other forms of analysis RD listed off.

Not to mention, the idiocy of saying knowing the trivia doesn’t mean you understand foreshadowing. Motherfucker, the entire concept of foreshadowing is that you establish details in the present because you want to hint at readers about where the story is going to go later. It practically HINGES upon readers remembering that ‘trivia’.

If ASM #225 p11 had Spider-Man pass by a black cat and say ‘Boy that reminds me of Felicia Hardy.’ THAT would be foreshadowing for the next issue, but you couldn’t appreciate that UNLESS you remembered what happened in ASM #225 p11.

And the imbecility of bringing this shit up whilst referencing Game of Thrones too? As if Daenerys heel turn was actually foreshadowed and not just created from splicing old voice overs together in the previously segment of the show.

The next bit is in reference to Life Story again by the way.

“I mean, one of the best bits of subtle foreshadowing here is what happens with Peter and Reed's relationship. In issue 2, Peter reflects on how Reed pushed Sue away with his actions, and how he doesn't want to end up like that. But come issue 3, Peter ends up doing just that, despite his best efforts to the contrary and knowing what happened to Reed beforehand. That shows smart plot structure, which doesn't come out and yell at you "THIS IS IMPORTANT!" or hold your hand in any way. That shows that this story is pretty smart with the narrative choices that are being made.”

No it doesn’t.

Because the way in which Peter pushed MJ away contradicted his character and made no fucking sense. He had a mid-life crisis in spite of being well under 40 years old.

Also, you can have, by skill or by fluke, a dash of GOOD writing amidst your shitty writing.

A LOT of people would argue the podrace or Duel of the Fates fight in Phantom Menace were legitimately good sequences in an otherwise bad movie.

People broadbrush 90s Marvel as wall to wall trash but equally everyone praises Spider-Man 2099, Joe Kelly’s Deadpool run, Ron Marz’s Green Lantern run, etc.

Goddammit, 99% of all Doctor Who is fans celebrating the bits that were great amidst the bits that were bad. There are no end of Dr. Who stories were fans will praise the set design or costumes whilst shitting on the over all writing.

Shockingly a piece of media can have good AND bad elements!

Whenever someone says a story is good or bad they are almost always speaking OVERALL. A New Hope is OVERALL good. It’s not claiming there aren’t flaws to it.

Dan Slott’s Spider-Man run was OVERALL bad. Even I have said there are good elements to it.

But the mere existence of good elements doesn’t prove that something is overall one thing or another.

In Life Story’s case, let’s pretend RD is right. Then Zdarsky executed a good bit of foreshadowing.

Key word there: ‘bit’.

It doesn’t PROVE the over all story is smart with its narrative choices.

That’s such an utterly childish manner of analysis. ‘Well this bit is good that means everything else has to be good’.

Like how the fuck does doing a good bit of foreshadowing prove that Life Story wasn’t mischaracterizing anyone or knew how to tell a good alternate history story?

Shit, DAN SLOTT had foreshadowing, sometimes it was even competently executed. Didn’t mean it wasn’t happening within the context of mischaracterization.

Trust Bobby Mac to have no grasp of nuance.

“But rather than acknowledging that, instead we get stuff like being concerned with that because Gwen finds out Peter's secret identity at the end of issue 1, that therefore means that Peter is going to be hooking up with Gwen throughout the rest of the story, that this is going to be one big Peter/ Gwen book, that Chip Zdarsky is somehow a Gwen shipper because he wanted to just have her as a best friend in Spectacular, that MJ only having two lines in the first issue means her importance will be diminished overall, and that the whole series is going to try and be a rewrite to push that ship.”

None of the allegedly great foreshadowing RD spoke of above was in issue #1

Even if it was nobody could possibly have talked about that as a point of praise because the nature of foreshadowing is we wouldn’t have realised it was goddam foreshadowing until we finally GOT to the bit it was setting up in later issues

RD has been one of the most involved people in discussions about the Spider-Marriage, frequently clashing with a fell named Mister Mets on CBR and on the linked message board. He knows that Marvel from OMD onwards used to spite fans over OMD and the Spider-Marriage and that circa 2019 when Life Story was being released the latest of such instances had occurred maybe just 1 year earlier in Slott’s Red Goblin storyline. He also knows Zdarsky pissed in the well of the Spider-Marriage fans with his FCBD 2017 Spidey story which involved Mary Jane. So for a heavily burned and abused fanbase to suddenly be concerned that Zdarksy would be pushing an agenda was a totally natural and justified reaction to have at the time even if it was proven incorrect in the long run.

RD is being a shithead again. ‘Ugh, look at these overwrought FaNz. wHy CaNt dey celebrate the GUD stuff and not focus on the WRONG stuff’.The wrong stuff being Zdarsky shitting on the Spider-Man marriage, which he clearly did by breaking up Peter and Mj in the 80s when they didn’t break up then but he needed to ship Peter with Jessica Jones I guess

“Yet here we, two issues later, and Gwen is dead, Peter married MJ and now they have kids.”

And in LF #3 their marriage was in a toxic place and they split up. In issue #4 they get back together but only by Peter giving up being Spider-Man. Almost like the story was saying having a family and being Spidey are incompatible or something.

Shit issue #3 BEGINS with MJ griping about Peter.

“All the reactionary nonsense turned out to be for naught, since the story was going in a different direction, and just because Gwen was prominent early on didn't mean MJ wasn't going to play an important role later.”

It wasn’t reactionary nonsense it was entirely justified reactionary concern. People weren’t concerned that MJ wouldn’t be important but that Zdarsky would be pushing a pro-Gwen/anti-Mj agenda which he at least debatably did and certainly seemed to be doing in the first 3 issues.

“And yet we still continue to see that reactionary nonsense continue with decrying because Peter and MJ leave off on a bad note here, it therefore means the rest of the series will be an unending slide into misery.”

Which was proven partially true.

Issue #4 Harry dies, Peter quits like a coward.

Issue #5 Peter’s child is crippled, his identity is outted, ben Reilly dies and he becomes a fugitive as a super human civil war breaks out.

Issue #6 the world has turned to shit because of that civil war and the only way to fix it is for Spider-Man to die.

But again, he’s missing the point like the fool that he is.

People were concerned and upset BECAUSE the series split Peter and MJ up in the first place. Both because that defied the mission statement of the series but also because they know Peter and MJ WOULDN’T split up and the circumstances engineering it were fucking contrived shit.

“Which then unfortunately leads into bashing the creator himself, which I find incredibly unreasonable given the tremendous job Zdarsky is doing.”

He didn’t do a tremendous job.

Chase the Blues Away, the film school student, had been saying so and continued to say so after RD made this comment. So I guess by his own metric he was full of shit.

This is one of RD’s fundamental and fatal flaws. He’s a hypocrite. Everything is subjective unless it’s the shit HE likes or hates. Then it’s objectively good or bad.

Not to mention no one had been bashing the creator personally. He can’t grasp this either. He doesn’t grasp the distinction between bashing the work of a writer vs. bashing the writer personally.

E.g. he falsely claims I’ve sworn at him. I have sworn at him…here. On my own blog here I don’t feel the need to play nice.

On a public forum? Never. I’ve sworn in the course of conversations with him. I’ve sworn in regards to his argument but never sworn to attack him personally.

“Decrying Zdarsky as some form of hack because halfway through a six part story he's had the protagonist go through a rough time and that he is just putting out "Fan fiction," or- as I saw someone else argue- that the reason Zdarsky did this was because he himself went through marital troubles at one time in his life is just silly.”

It’s really not. He admitted that he wrote MJ in FCBD 2017 as his ex wife.

Fanfiction is exactly what LF was. Peter hooks up with Jessica Jones because…no given reason. It’d make infinitely more sense for that to have been Felicia but it was Jessica Jones. Zdarsky invents his own personal new spin on the Goblin who’s wearing kewl black because why not. He has characters randomly act in any way he wants for the story to happen regardless of how little sense it makes. That’s bad fanfiction 101. He has logic holes you can drive a truck through. FFS Russia launched nukes on America in issue #3 and this DIDN”T result in all out nuclear Armageddon. That’s amateuris

“Just like it's silly to say that D&B from GoT are purposefully destroying the show because they hate it and they hate women and they just want to move onto Star Wars,”

This is at worst a strawman.

At best an utterly myopic oversimplification.

The MAJORITY of people crying out against GoT season 8 weren’t claiming D&B were engaging in deliberate sabotage but rather they were ruining the series via their incompetence and RUSHING to get to the end.

Additionally the idea that they are misogynists is REALLY not a ‘silly’ argument. MANY people throughout the show’s history have made that argument, long before the popular opinion was that the show was bad,

A season 4 subplot that was heavily embellished (to the point of being called practically original) from the books entailed rogue Night’s Watchmen raping a household of women beyond the Wall. The most infamous line from the subplot was ‘Fuck them all to death.’

In that same season Jamie Lannister makes sexual advances on his sister Cersei even though she was saying no.

Sansa Stark, in a scene not in the books, was raped by Ramsey Bolton with the focus being upon Theon Greyjoy’s horror at the situation.

And of course there is ever so slightly a dash of gratuitous nudity involving women in the show.

Look, I’m not even saying for sure that D&B hate women or that that was at the root of how they fucked up Daenerys’ character in season 8.

But it’s idiotic to just dismiss the idea as wholesale silly as Smac a Mac is doing above.

“when in reality D&B were the reason the show got made in the first place and all those great female characters were brought to television for a wider audience to experience.”

Hollywood had been wanting to adapt George R. R. Martin’s books for years before he let D&B do it

Their first pilot was so bad they had to reshoot it.

They weren’t the reason we got those great female characters. Martin’s writing was why we got those characters and those good stories and why anyone wanted to make his books into a live action property at all.

Again, RD FAILING at nuance. A female character can have good writing AND bad writing. They can be good over all but drop the ball in certain moments. They can be great for 7 seasons but then fumble disastrously at the finish line. An opinion shared by all those critics that went to film school

Writers can be capable of doing good female characters even if they are misogynists. Writers who are not misogynists are capable of still being sexist at times. Friggin Stan Lee had sexist female characters in spite of also inventing Mary Jane who is lauded as a great female character even in the 1960s. Again, nuance. Mac Attac ain’t good at it.

“We can dislike or criticize a work without having to demonize the creators,”

It’s not demonizing D&B or Zdarsky to call them incompetent writers.

“and I think it's just become far too easy nowadays for people to rationalize their statements by making the creators themselves into remorseless villains, since that justifies them acting however they please in response.”

And it’s become far too difficult for me to stomach any more of this piece of shit.

*For what it is worth, these events are also listed on TV Tropes under the Face Heel Turn page:

Daenerys herself falls victim to this in the final seasons. Her actions in Essos had the purest of intentions: fighting against the Dothraki's misogyny and ending slavery in western Essos. Even her morally questionable acts still had these goals in mind. But when she set her sights on conquering Westeros, which is more or less a standard medieval European setting, her only goal was conquest. Even her claim that the Iron Throne is her birthright falls short since her father was killed due to his madness and love of burning things. Dany really doesn't help her case by burning alive any captive soldiers who don't side with her. This culminates with her slaughtering most of King's Landing's civilian population in the penultimate episode. Had the show started with the sixth season, there'd be no question that she is Daddy's Little Villain, her tragic backstory and past heroic deeds being a footnote at best.

**This is especially ironic as he’s accused me of doing the same.

Me, I’ve called people out or corrected them when they have gotten facts wrong. I’ve even said they don’t know what they are talking about. The difference is I’m not doing it just on principal as he is here.

I’ve never said someone doesn’t belong in the fandom or is not a real fan. Yet here RDMacQ is outright disqualifying people from having the legitimacy to critique comic books unless they’ve gone through what he deems the ‘appropriate steps’.

If I have told someone they are wrong or don’t know what they are talking about or don’t understand the material I have corroborative EVIDENCE to back it up. Their own statements prove that point.

E.g. RDMacQ doesn’t understand Norman Osborn’s character. Why? Because his statements contradicts the clear cut TEXT (not the subtext) of the source material. See? The source material is the EVIDENCE that supports my accusation. But RDMacQ doesn’t believe in analysis that way and has told me so himself.

***This laughable in he modern day and age where film criticism is so transparently ideologically driven as opposed to sincerely critiquing the merits of a film.

Hence why Bob Chipman and most other professional critics laud works like the Last Jedi which a fifth grader can see has little internal consistency.

#RDMacQ #Catharsis #Spider-Man #Game of Thrones #Dan Slott #Mary Jane Watson #Superior Spider-Man #MovieBob #Bob Chipman #daenerys targeryan

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lexrius · 5 years ago

Photo

AN: I’ve been working on this and will do the Akela side as well. This was a fun side project I wanted to work on.

The Byrne Family Tree:

Helen Elliott-Byrne ⦁ Born April 1910 ⦁ Went to Ilvermourny in 1921 ⦁ Her wand is Hawthorn 9" Unicorn hair core and quite flexible ⦁ She was sorted as a pukwudgie ⦁ She has carmel blonde hair and deep blue eyes ⦁ She’s a very petite woman ⦁ She’s from Brooklyn, New York ⦁ She served as a healer during WW1 ⦁ There she met a soldier named Barry Byrne and they fell in love ⦁ She later died of old age in 1990 Barry Byrne ⦁ Born May 1907 ⦁ Went to Ilvermourny in 1918 ⦁ His wand is Aspen 10" Dragon Heartstring and Unyielding ⦁ He was sorted as a Wampus ⦁ He has dark brown hair and hazel eyes ⦁ He’s a very proper and proud man ⦁ He’s from Olympia, Washington ⦁ He served for his Country during WW1 and WW2 where he also met Helen ⦁ He worked in the department of Magical Law enforcment ⦁ He married Helen Elliott in 1935 ⦁ He died seven years after his beloved wife in 1997 Both loved they’re grandchildren and even visited Hogwarts to watch Viper’s quidditch matches. Sadly they never got to meet any of they’re great grandchildren. Benjamin Byrne ⦁ Born December 1934 ⦁ He went to Ilvermourney in 1945 ⦁ His wand is Aspen 9" Unicorn hair core and slightly springy ⦁ He was sorted as a Thunderbird ⦁ He has dark blonde hair and hazel eyes ⦁ He’s from Olympia, Washington like his parents and sister ⦁ Like his father he enrolled in the army ⦁ He served in the Marines during the Korean War ⦁ He later married a nomage chef named Joan Allen ⦁ Both opened a resturaunt together ⦁ He moved to Boston, Massachusetts and married her after the war Aileen Bryne-Akela ⦁ Born September 1940 ⦁ She went to Ilvermourney in 1951 ⦁ Her wand is Cherry 11" Dragon Heartstring core and slightly yielding ⦁ She was sorted as a horned serpent ⦁ She has blonde hair and hazel eyes ⦁ She’s from Olympia, Washington ⦁ She worked in the Major investigations Department in M.A.C.U.S.A ⦁ While on inestigation she traveled to Ireland and met a young man named William Akela ⦁ They later married in 1965 William Akela ⦁ Born April 1945 ⦁ He went to Hogwarts in 1956 ⦁ His wand is Cedar 10" Phoenix feather core and surprisingly swishy ⦁ He was sorted into Slytherin ⦁ He has dark brown hair and grey eyes ⦁ He’s from Galway, Ireland ⦁ He worked as a travelling Magizoologist ⦁ He later met Aileen Byrne and fell in love with her ⦁ They married in 1965 and moved to Arizona to study Thunderbirds Jaune Byrne ⦁ Born March 1960 ⦁ He went to Ilvermourny in 1971 ⦁ His wand is Cedar 8" horned serpent core and unbending ⦁ He was sorted into horned serpent ⦁ He has dark brown hair and blue eyes ⦁ He’s from and still lives in Boston, Massachusetts ⦁ He met his wife Emma Jackson in Ilvermourny and married each other in 1981 ⦁ He later followed in his parent’s footsteps and became a chef and even took over the resturaunt ⦁ The couple later divorced and two years later he met his wife Christi Glenn ⦁ They married in 1999 Jacob Akela ⦁ Born October 1965 ⦁ He went to Ilvermourny in 1976 ⦁ His wand was Yew 12" horned serpent core and Brittle ⦁ He was sorted into the horned serpent house ⦁ He has dark brown hair and hazel eyes ⦁ He was from Camp Verde, Arizona ⦁ Later transfered to Hogwarts after his parents decided to move here for their dad’s work ⦁ He was then sorted into Slytherin in Hogwarts in 1977 ⦁ He had heard about the cursed vaults in Hogwarts and decided to investigate them ⦁ He was expelled from hogwarts in 1981 during his sixth year ⦁ He disappeared in the vault portrait in 1982 ⦁ After the events of the cursed vaults with his sister he stayed away from home and was later forced to join the death eaters ⦁ He got a job as a professional curse breaker ⦁ During the second war he was stationed to help put curses on the items in Bellatrix’s vault ⦁ He died in 1998 to Ismelda Murk while taking a killing curse that was meant for his sister Viper Akela-Weasley ⦁ Born January 1973 ⦁ She went to Hogwarts in 1983 after moving from America to Ireland ⦁ Her wand was Pear 11" Phoenix feather and swishy flexibility - This was then replaced by her current wand she had custom made in america - This wand is Apple 10" Thunderbird feather core and reasonably supple ⦁ She was sorted into Hufflepuff and was the first in her family to be so ⦁ She has carmel blonde hair and grey eyes ⦁ She’s from Camp Verde, Arizona ⦁ She was made fun of for her accent in Hogwarts, but had plenty of friends ⦁ She grew especially close to Penny Haywood, Dora Tonks, Rowan khanna and Charlie Weasley ⦁ Unlike her brother; she wanted nothing to do with the cursed vaults that he was so obsessed with ⦁ She later got involved anyway ⦁ She joined the hufflepuff quidditch team as their new chaser in her third year ⦁ She later became friends with Chiara and Talbott in their third year and had become an animegus ⦁ In her fourth year; she stared dating one of her friends Barnaby Lee ⦁ In her fifth year she found her brother in the vaults but was shocked when he left her ⦁ In her sixth year she and Barnaby broke up after a fight ⦁ She became quidditch captain and head girl ⦁ She later watched her best friend die in front of her ⦁ Near the end of the year after the quidditch cup she and Charlie got together ⦁ After Hogwarts she moved back to America and became an auror ⦁ She hunted down and captured Rowan’s killer in 1994 ⦁ She became the new Care of magical creatures professor in 1995 at the request of Dumbledore ⦁ She later married Charlie in 1996 ⦁ in 1997 she and her brother in law were sevearly scared by Fenrir Greyback ⦁ After the war she settled down in Scottland in the new Dragon sanctuary that had been built Liam Akela ⦁ Born Febuary 1976 ⦁ He went to Hogwarts in 1987 after moving to Ireland with his family ⦁ His wand is Aspen 10" Unicorn hair core and quite flexible ⦁ He was sorted into Ravenclaw ⦁ He has dark blonde hair and hazel eyes ⦁ He was from Camp Verde, Arizona ⦁ He distanced himself from the cursed vaults and later on his sister ⦁ He focused mainly on his studies in Hogwarts and was named prefect and later on head boy for Ravenclaw ⦁ He met his wife through his sister who was Quetta Woods’ partner in the auror office ⦁ He later moved back to America to settle down and has made his own bookstore near Ilvermourney where he sells both mugle and magical books ⦁ He now lives in Brooklyne, New York Barry Byrne II ⦁ Born August 1997 ⦁ Went to Ilvermourney in 2008 ⦁ Wand is his Great Grandfather’s Aspen 10" Dragon Heartstring and Unyielding ⦁ He was sorted into Wampus ⦁ He has brown hair and brown eyes ⦁ He’s from Boston, Massachusetts Irene Byrne ⦁ Born Febuary 2002 ⦁ Started Ilvermourney in 2013 ⦁ Wand is Aspen 9" Unicorn hair and surprisingly swishy ⦁ She was sorted into Puckwudgie ⦁ She has copper red hair and hazel eyes ⦁ She’s from Boston, Massachusetts Leah Akela ⦁ Born November 2002 ⦁ Started Ilvermourney in 2013 ⦁ Wand is Apple 9" thunderbird feather and Unyielding - Her core was gifted to her by her Aunt Viper ⦁ She was sorted into Horned Serpent ⦁ She has dark brown hair and brown eyes ⦁ She’s from Brooklyne, New York Gideon Weasley ⦁ Born July 2004 ⦁ Started Hogwarts in 2015 ⦁ Wand is Dogwood 11" Dragon heartstring core and quite bendy ⦁ He was sorted into Gryffindor ⦁ He has dark blonde hair and blue eyes ⦁ He’s lives on the dragon reserve with his family in Scotland Avalon Weasley ⦁ Born July 2004 ⦁ Started Hogwarts in 2015 ⦁ Wand is Cypress 9" Unicorn hair core core and reasonably supple ⦁ She was sorted into Hufflepuff ⦁ She has red hair and grey eyes ⦁ She lives with her family in Scotland on the Dragon reserve Jacob Weasley ⦁ Born March 2007 ⦁ Started Hogwarts in 2017 ⦁ Wand is his late uncle’s Yew 12" horned serpent core and Brittle ⦁ He was sorted into Ravenclaw ⦁ He has dark blonde hair and blue eyes ⦁ He lives with his family in Scotland on the dragon reserve

#family tree #Byrne Family #Viper Akela #hogwarts mystery #charlie weasley #Jacob Akela #This took longer than I thought it would

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sanjuno · 7 years ago

Note

That's ok! How about the MCU, or just the Avengers if the MCU is too broad. -Lark

(Oh shit, I have opinions about the MCU and the Avengers, my friend. So I apologize if this offends but not really.)

6/7 GoT Crossover Fix-Its: An Assemblage of Fire and Ice.

Anthony Edward Stark’s life was a battle from beginning to end. He fought the world, he fought people who claimed to be his friends, he fought honest enemies, and he fought every challenge life and the universe at large threw at him as he went. He fought the Ten Rings and became Iron Man, he fought public opinion and became a hero, he fought obstinance and fear and became a man who stood for accountability. He fought Thanos, and became the man known for mastering the Infinity Stones. When Tony Stark finally died in a blaze of glory more than 20 years after Iron Man first burned his way free of a cave in the desert, he left behind a legacy that would last for ages.

Eddard Stark is born bright red and squalling in the middle of a snowstorm where the sun shone through the clouds to birth lightning. The contradictions only continued as the boy grew, Ned Stark was a calm, thoughtful child but was occasionally taken by wild frenzies. One moment reading peacefully, or training seriously in arms, the next shouting at the top of his lungs and running off to the forge to make a new type of steel, or designing an aqueduct system that wouldn’t freeze. Rickon Stark took to sighing whenever Ned’s voice started to echo. Lyarra Stark laughed, and told her husband their second son had Ice in his veins and Fire in his heart.

Tony was actually rather pleased with this version of the Stark family. Sure, sometimes Brandon was a bit too much like Morgan for comfort, and sometimes Lyanna reminded Tony of himself during the worst moments during his rebellious teen phase, but the Starks were all loyal to one another and Tony had 200 years of people managing skills. Nudging Brandon to be a bit more responsible, to respect the women he took to bed, that wasn’t hard. Coaching Lyanna on how to protect her own interests, showing his little sister how to compromise for a result everyone could live with, that was simple enough. Tony was used to corralling teenage (and adult) superheroes, asking a few honourable nobles to think about things rationally wasn’t exceptionally difficult. Ben was the easy one. Mostly Tony just had to talk him down from the extreme choice, and the youngest was usually pretty reasonable about listening to a logical argument.

In one version of the song Lyarra Stark dies birthing her third son, in this world young Ned has been asking questions of the Maester, the herbalists, the midwives, and anyone else with an ounce of teaching in the healing arts how things work, why things work, and what do you do when it doesn’t work. So the healers of Winterfell have been pushed and prodded and challenged to raise themselves up and their skills reflect that. Lyarra will never have another child, but she lives. She is weak, and bedridden for moons, but she lives. So Rickon Stark’s ambitions are gentled, and his children’s happiness has a greater sway over his thoughts.

Tony is pleased and so, so grateful that his mother survived. The leading cause of death for women in pre-industrial societies is childbirth, and Tony was never the kind of doctor who could heal. Fix and augment, yes, but surgery and birth complications were out of his league. Thankfully he already knew what questions to ask in order to get the healers in Winterfell thinking and making improvements on their skills. All the women in the North would benefit, and eventually the new studies and knowledge would spread further than just the Northern Kingdom.

The Stark children are fostered out, of course. Still themselves but still slightly different. Ned and Robert make fast friends, but the Quiet Wolf is not the retiring second son he was in the first version of the song. When Mya Stone is born Ned shames Robert into taking proper responsibility. Robert’s daughter and the girl’s mother are dowered and set up to be able to live comfortably, and Robert is given a scathing lecture on consent and respect. “You don’t have to abstain,” Ned says, “but if a child results from it you need to step up and be their father.” So Robert, being Robert and thus allergic to responsibility, starts carrying a pouch of Moon Tea in his purse.

The Tourney at Harennhal happens, and Lyanna once again saves Howland Reed. Once again, the Knight of the Laughing Tree bids the unruly Squires to learn respect. Once again, the Mad King sees assassins everywhere and the Silver Prince comes across a young Lady in the Godswood. Only it’s different as well, because none of the Stark children are betrothed. Rickon Stark made the announcement when his Heir turned 16 that his sons would seek their own spouses for his approval when they came of age, and any who wished to court his daughter could submit their suit for approval when Lyanna’s own 16th age day came. So Lyanna is not desperate to escape an unwanted betrothal, and there is nothing gentling the public dishonour of Rhaegar’s attentions when he wins the joust. There is nothing romantic about a grown man betraying his wife for a girl not yet of age.

Tony wants to rage, wants to kill the Prince very, very badly when he sees how scared his little sister is. When the crown of blue roses lands in her lap, Lyanna Stark does what she’s always done when she doesn’t understand something. She turns to her middle brother and begs him to fix things. Tony knows exactly where this is going, if the Prince thinks he can bully his way through all the moral arguments saying his attention is unwanted. So Tony holds out his hand to Lyanna, and she brightens, putting the flower crown in his hands, and Tony promptly puts it on his own head. He meets the Prince’s eyes, and lets Rhaegar Targaryen see the Merchant of Death usually hidden behind the public persona of the Quiet Wolf. The Prince does not get to coerce Tony’s baby sister into any sort of relationship against her will.

Just as the Prince publicly shamed his wife, the girl he chose shames him in turn. Ellia and Aerys are, for the first time ever, amused by the same thing. Ned Stark wears the Crown of Love and Beauty for the rest of the Tourney. It gets him many, many dances from the Ladies in attendance during the feasts. Rhaegar, for all he was trying to quietly gather support to supplant his father, realizes somewhat belatedly that he just screwed himself out of support from Dorne and the North. The Northern camp closes ranks, especially around the women. From Lyanna Stark down to the common maids, none of the Northern women go anywhere without an escort.

Jaime Lannister still joins the Kingsguard, Cersei’s scheming fuelled by the proof that Rhaegar is loosing interest in his wife now that Elia is known to be barren. The younger son of a Dornish Lordship, Jaime Fowler, has blood from the Summer Islands and finds Ned Stark with the comment that he “must be made of Iron to mock the Prince this way.” And Tony replies with “it’s gold-titanium alloy, actually.” Rhodey just shakes his head, happy to have found his best friend again. Lysa Tully, who had overheard, tells them “I’ve caught you doing worse. Will this be all, Mr. Stark?” Pepper was just so very done with these shenanigans. The things Tony drags them into, honestly.

When the Tourney ends, Ned Stark goes to take over Moat Cailin, which he has been granted permission to restore. Accompanying him is his betrothed, Lysa Tully, and a Dornishman who is rumoured to share their bed. The South (minus Dorne) is scandalized. The North, well used to the Quiet Wolf’s particularities, just shrugs and moves on.

Rhaegar Targaryen is a man obsessed by prophecy, and few realize that he is just as mad as his father. Rhaegar is mad in the quiet, subtle way men go mad when they are left alone for too long with only their own thoughts for company. Lyanna Stark amuses King Aerys, and when the Pact of Ice and Fire is brought up he sees it as a perfect way to torment Rhaegar for overstepping, slight Elia for not being a real Targaryen, and punish Lyanna for thinking that she can refuse a dragon. Aerys announces that Rhaegar will take a second wife that is capable of bearing children, and that he has selected Lyanna Stark for the role.

There is not a single Great House in Westros who are not being insulted by this move. Lyanna is terrified, because she had grown up expecting to be courted by her future husband and even then not until she was 16. Lyanna, in this version of the song, was supposed to have a say in her choice of husband. Her wolf blood is howling, wanting nothing more than to rip and tear and devour. Once again, it’s Ned who steps in to fix things. It’s Ned, drawing on Tony’s many years of experience who talks her down from running away. It’s Ned, aching over the sacrifice his sister is being asked to make, who reminds her that their people will suffer if Lyanna makes a choice that will lead to war. It’s Ned, standing alone with his sister in the Wolfwood, who speaks quietly about allies, and secret wars, and that Elia’s brother is the Red Viper. Aegon was all but guaranteed to be free of Targaryen madness, given that he was only half. 16 years was not so long to wait for vengeance.

A Second Hour of the Wolf was now Lyanna Stark’s goal. (Not Targaryen. Never Targaryen. She would only ever be a Stark in her heart.) The Stark siblings spend the night a seething Rickon sends his formally, frigidly polite acceptance of the betrothal to the Red Keep in the Godswood, praying to the Old Gods for a sign. (Tony still doesn’t like magic, but he’s old enough to know it exists. There’s no other explanation for how Extremis still lights up his skin in Arc Reactor blue when things get tough.) They leave the Godswood with a pack of Direwolves loping at their sides. A pack, because while Brandon, Lyanna, and Ben each have a single wolf, Ned has 7. Also they beg Ned to let his wife name their children because by the Old Gods, Ned is bad at choosing names for things.

Tony ignores them. He has his babies back. Dummy, You, and Butterfingers are as playful as ever. Jarvis is even more long-suffering, Friday is mischievous, Jocasta is sassy, and Ultron, his poor wayward son, is free of the corruption in his programming caused by the Sceptre. The warg thing is a bit of a surprise, because his siblings can all do it without the assistance of Extremis, but Tony rolls with it and teaches them what he knows about communicating mind to mind. Greensight is like a wireless connection, which took a while to figure out. Tony is so relived to be able to share his secrets with his siblings at last. For the first time, Tony lets his siblings watch him work in the forge, and their eyes are very wide as the blue-and-gold glow shines under his skin and sparks in the runes carved into the armour plate and blades he forges for each of them.

“Magic is terrifying,” Ned tells his siblings, “and I never wanted you to fear me. But you all have magic of your own, and you need to learn how to use it. If things are waking up, if the Targaryens want the North in truth instead of just in name, then we need to be ready.” So Ned shows them how to work the runes, how to connect to their wolves and to the other animals around them, how the send their Greensight through the trees. They only have a year, because Rickon was only able to negotiate a delay until Lyanna turned 16, hoping that the Mad King would change his mind in the interim. Unfortunately, the raven demanding Lyanna come to King’s Landing for her wedding to Rhaegar comes within a moon of her 16th nameday.

Rickon and Lyarra Stark remain in the Northin subtle protest, but all their children go South. The smallfolk gathered along the streets in King’s Landing hoping to see the heathen wildling Princess from the savage North do not dare jeer. The Starks ride atop the backs of massive wolves, each one as large as a horse. Their armour gleams like ice in the light, and their fur mantels make them look natural among the wild beasts they command. The eyes of the welcoming party in the Red Keep are very wide, and Rhaegar looks like he’s regretting all his life choices.

Lyanna Stark’s smile is a snarl, teeth bared and sharp as blizzard winds. She all but ignores Rhaegar entirely and instead puts considerable effort into charming Elia. (Tony had long suspected that his sister preferred her own gender over men, and thankfully Elia was Dornish enough to be flattered by the attention. The fact that it irritated Rhaegar to see his wives seek out each other instead of him was just extra entertainment.)

Thanks to greensight and warging, the Starks all remain in close contact that no one else knows about. Benjen moves further North when he comes of age and takes over both Gifts with the intention of supporting the Watch. He doesn’t join them, because he feels the need to pass on the Stark Magic that’s in his blood and that requires a wife, but he still serves the Wall in his own best way. Brandon takes on his duties as the Heir to Winferfell, travelling around the North to meet all their Bannerman. Ned rebuilds Moat Cailin even grander than before, and moves on to restructuring the trade routes and methods in the North. Lyanna drives Rhaegar insane with passive aggressive undermining of his schemes. Luckily, Aerys is entertained by Lyanna enough to be distracted from his usual pastimes.

Following Ned’s advice, Lyanna goes to Rhaegar every night for a fortnight one week after her moonblood comes, and is pleased a moon later when the Maester tells her she’s pregnant. (”Treat him as he thinks to treat you.” Ned had said. “He thinks to make you a broodmare for his seed? Nay, instead let him be the stud you use to get your own children, sweet sister, and go to him only when you wish to make use of that service.”) Lyanna is quite pleased to be able to tell Rhaegar that he’s served his purpose for now and she has no more use for him until after the babe is weaned. So she’ll call for him again in about two years. (Elia loves her sister-wife, you have no godly idea how much Elia loves her sister-wife.)

Brandon Stark marries Ashara Dayne, and even if she’s not of the North the Bannerman are content with her having the Blood of the First Men in her veins. Benjen Stark manages to seduce a Wildling Chieftess into marriage on a trip North of the Wall and her tribe agrees to serve him in return for being allowed to settle South of the Wall. Ned Stark has a brood of children with his red-haired Tully wife, and if it takes a bit of magic to ensure that they all have Stark grey eyes and Summer darkened skin that’s no one’s business but their own. Lyanna has her first son in pace with Lysa’s first son and the realm celebrates the birth of the second dragon prince. Rhaegar gives his very, very Stark son a Targaryen name, and Lyanna promptly starts to call the boy Jon just to spite him. Aerys is not pleased that Jon is so very Northern, and goes back to burning people alive in his throne room.

Lyanna is appalled, notices that no one is going to do anything to stop what’s happening, and proceeds to consult with her brothers. Ned’s husband is sent to visit family in Dorne and stops in King’s Landing to visit Lyanna on his way back. No one notices the wicker basket among the many gifts Jaime Fowler brought for the Northern Princess. No one notices the Princess’ eyes go all-over white as she sits in her bedchambers, alone for but her infant son as a King Cobra slithers through the Keep to leave two more punctures among Aerys’ many scabs. No one notices the tradesman from the Northern Marshes on his way to Dorne collect a sealed wicker basket from a maidservant before setting out to see with the tide before sunrise.

Everyone notices when the King is found stone dead in his own bedchambers, having died during a fit in his sleep. Rhaegar is crowned King, Elia and Lyanna being crowned with him. Lyanna loves her wife, even she’d rather drop her husband down a well. Still, Elia is an Andal, and it’s the Blood of the First Men that gives the Stark their magic. Jon is taught the secrets of his birthright by his mother while they sit together in the Godswood, joined in time by Aemon and Visenya. When Jon is nearing 16, Lyanna’s wolf disappears for a few moons, only to return heavy with pups. The Starks living in the Red Keep all have direwolves now, and Rhaegar is oblivious to the fact that none of his children think of themselves as Targaryens. That’s what happens when you ignore your children in favour of self-fulfilling prophecies.

Benjen has slowly been converting the Wildlings to the aggressively peaceful coexistence the Northern Lords and the Hill Clans favour. Then comes the time he starts to hear of the dead walking again to kill the living, and the Wildlings are suddenly afire to accept Benjen and Vals terms. The Gifts are soon full up, and the Castles along the Wall are being repaired and manned by volunteers from among the Free Men, and several Tribes are being sent further South to various Hill Clans to be settled in, and yet more are taking over long abandoned settlements to build them back up. Benjen scrambles to keep up, to keep his siblings informed, and he’s so, so grateful that Brandon and Ned are there to help disperse in massive influx of people around the Northern Kingdom. Thankfully Ned’s trade structures have grown enough that there was a demand for workers, and there’s wealth and space enough to go around.

Benjen is set upon by a White Walker, and his skin glows blue-and-gold in his desperation to survive. Benjen burns the way his older brother once showed him, in Extremis, and he survives to pass the warning on. The Others are coming, and the dead are marching on the Wall.

The Starks prepare for a war against the Long Night.

/…/

Tyrion Lannister is born a dwarf, but thanks to new knowledge passed down from the North his mother survives the birth. He was a very intelligent child, but had the unfortunate tendency to pick fights he had no chance of winning over the smallest of slights. Joanna despaired of him ever learning his limits, and despite Tywin’s best efforts to temper Tyrion’s foolishness the boy inevitably ends up picking the wrong fight and dying for it. Steve Rogers is always born to a physical disadvantage in hopes that he will eventually learn to compromise. A dwarf body is stunted, but he was healthy and clear headed. He could make something of his life if only he tried. Steve Rogers still needed to learn to reign in his impulses and keep unwanted opinions to himself. Not every argument needed to be settled with fists.

Margary Tyrell was much like her grandmother, and was likely to be the new Queen of Thorns when Oleanna finally passed away. Natasha Romanova enjoyed the simplicity of a new life where she didn’t need to kill anyone for a living. Still, she kept a wary eye on the Starks. They were advancing at a rate that was familiar to her, and the last thing she wanted was to be on Tony’s bad side again.

Denys Arryn was the darling of the Vale, but what few people knew was that his preferred weapon was the bow. Despite being from a poor house, he remained humble and courteous to all. Clint Barton regret nothing as much as he regret leaving Laura and his children to fight Stark over a stupid piece of paper. This time around he was committed to staying with his wife and raising their kids without any stupid running off. Seeing the Stark with Tony’s too-sharp smirk running around the Ayrie for a few years only cemented that decision in his mind.

Stannis Baratheon was a humourless boy, too smart and too serious by half. Although his anger, when roused, was mighty enough to tear down stone walls. Robert learned not to upset his younger brother the day he tormented Proudwing, and Stannis beat his elder brother bloody for harming the bird. Bruce Banner was resigned to the legacy of warning people “you won’t like me when I’m angry.” But really, Ours Is The Fury was just a bit too on the nose for him to be amused by it.

/…/

Rhaegar Targaryen felt very foolish indeed as he stared at his little sister. “You what?”

“… I hatched the dragon eggs you got me for my nameday.” Daenerys looked a little sheepish. “Lyanna and Elia helped me figure out how.”

The Dragon has Three Heads. Rhaegar felt faint as he stared down at the three squalling hatchlings cradled in his baby sister’s arms. His wives were laughing at him, he knew they were. Dragon’s had no gender, a Prince who was Promised could just as easily be a Princess, and sometimes a dragon is just a dragon.

“By the way, husband.” Lyanna mentioned idly from where she stood with a snickering Elia. “My brother Benjen tells me the Night King is awake again. The North is getting ready for a Long Winter, and to fight back the Others. You might want to start preparing the rest of the Kingdoms for that.”

Stiffly, Rhaegar turned his head to stare at his Winter Queen. “… What.”

And so the Prophecy of Fire and Ice is proven true.

#Sanjuno's ficwork #Tony is a Stark #GoT reincarnation crossovers #MCU fanfic

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asongofstarkandtargaryen · 7 years ago

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The mad Targaryens

It’s interesting that the author intended for the House which held the power over Westeros for around 300 years to carry the trait of insanity on its bloodline. Of course, within the text it is explained that not every Targaryen has inherited the madness trait. According to King Jaeherys II Targaryen “madness and greatness are two sides of the same coin” and according to Ser Barristan Selmy “every time a Targaryen is born, the gods toss a coin in the air and the world holds its breath to see how it will land”.

That’s why it irritates me that people are labeling any Targaryen they dislike *cough Rhaegar and Daenerys cough* as mad. They see the characters they dislike as flawed and equate flaws to madness. But that’s an erroneous thing to do. Not every Targaryen who has flaws or makes some mistakes is mad. A great example is Aegon IV who made lot of mistakes and he was actually responsible for all the Blackfyre rebellions by legitimizing all his bastards and yet he wasn’t mad; just a terrible king. So, in this analysis I’d like to focus on those Targaryen who I believe that they had inherited the insanity trait of their family or developed it along the way.

1. MAEGOR I TARGARYEN

He is better known as Maegor the Cruel, a sobriquet he earned with his actions. It was said that not only he enjoyed war and battle, but most craved violence, death, and absolute mastery over all he deemed his. According to information from the yet unreleased “Sons of Dragon” book, even from a young age he had showed cruel habits - such as killing animals.

However, his cruelty peaked after he was waken from his coma state with the help of his lover, Tyanna of the Tower. Many years later, the same woman was accused by him to perform magic to his other wives in order to make them birth grotesque stillborn children. It’s obvious that she also used some kind of sorcery to woke him from the coma and it wouldn’t surprise me if the same magic turned him to the monster he became afterwards. I’m not saying that this magic turned a completely sane man to an insane and cruel one- because the actions of his youth showed that he was far from being sensible. But I do believe that the magic she performed on him fed the beast he was hiding inside him. After all a “revival” by magic always comes at a price (just look at Lady Stoneheart).

Famous acts of his cruelty include: burning the Sept of Remembrance to the ground, killing all those who had taken part to the construction of the Red Keep, terminating House Harroway because of his Queen Alys Harroway suposed infidelity, letting Tyana torture to death his teenager nephew in retribution of his mother and siblings escaping Dragonstone. There were also rumors of him being behind his Queen Ceryse Hightower’s death. The way he killed Queen Tyanna after she confessed she was responsible for the abominations his other Queens birthed, is also alarming ; he cut her heart with Blackfyre and fed it to his dogs.

His demise came by his own hands since he probably killed himself as he was sitting on the Iron Throne.

2. BAELOR I TARGARYEN

Baelor was quite the opposite of Maegor. While Maegor was loathed by everyone, people loved Baelor. Even within the current time line of the books he’s remembered as a merciful holy man by plenty of people. That doesn’t mean though, that his sanity can’t be questioned.

An interesting incident that shows Baelor’s state of mind is the imprisonment of prince Aemon by the Wyls. After Baelor had forged a peace with the prince of Dorne, Lord Wyl gave him a key to Aemon’s cage which was suspended over a pit of vipers. Baelor, feeling that the gods would protect him, fearlessly stepped into the pit. This resulted to him being bitten by the vipers (sources differ ranging from half a dozen to half a hundred) and collapsed after he opened the cage. He remained unconscious until Aemon carred him to House Baratheon and even then he only fully recovered after more than half a year passed.

Some lords were speculating that Baelor’s later erratic decisions were due to the vipers’ venom affecting his mind. It can’t be proven that this was the case but it’s true that after Baelor returned to Kings Landing he made a lot of questionable decisions.

First of all, he resolved his marriage to his sister, Daena and placed her alongside their other two sisters in the Maidenvault claiming that it would prevent any carnal thoughts. His obsession with purity can be also found on his decisions to outlaw prostitution and to exempt lords from taxes if they protected their daughters' virtue through chastity belts. The list of his questionable decisions also include forcing Lord Belgrave to wash the feet of a leper and burning books he deemed immoral.

Also, it is interesting to note that when the High Septon died, Baelor choose a simple stonemason called Pate as the replacement because he thought that the gods told him so. After his death, he made an eight years old street urine the new High Septon because he claimed that the boy could perform miracles.

In the end his demise came by starving himself to death. Some people don’t believe that Baelor was the one responsible for his own death and put the blame to his Hand and uncle Viserys. In either case, his death served the good of Westeros because otherwise his beliefs would have lead towards a war between those worshiping the Old Gods and the Drown God and those who were believers of the Seven.

3. RHAEGEL TARGARYEN

He’s only a minor character in the Mystery Knight novella, but he makes a strong impression to the reader since the first mention of him (if I remember correctly) is about how he was dancing naked in the Red Keep. This also proves that he wasn’t the sanest person. The book describes him as weak minded and touched by madness.

4. AERION TARGARYEN

He’s also known as Aerion the Monstrous but he liked to call himself Aerion Brightflame. He stars in one of Bran Stark’s favourite tales "The Prince Who Thought He Was a Dragon". As the title of the tale indicates, Aeron was convinced he was an actual dragon so he drank wildfire in order to be transformed into one. And as anyone can guess, he died screaming.

According to Raymun Fossoway while the prince acted quite noble in front of his father, he revealed his monster self when he was around other people. Even his own brother, Daeron, described him as “quite the monster”. Similarly, his other brother, Aegon, despised him, because Aerion bullied him all his young life going as far as putting a knife to Aegon’s genitals once and joking about removing them.

5. AERYS II TARGARYEN

He’s the most infamous mad Targaryen king something that it is indicated even by his nickname being the Mad King. However, he wasn’t insane by birth. He slowly descended into madness as the years passed.

A factor that greatly affected the King and perhaps helped to prompt his insanity was his Queen Rhaella’s stillbirths, miscarriages and the births of two princes who soon died. While Aerys was at first sympathetic towards his sister-wife’s case, later he accused her of being unfaithful and confined her in Maegor’s Holdfast. He even went as far to humiliating her as to order two septas to sleep in her bed with her so he could be certain that she remained faithful.

His madness was lessened once the Queen Rhaella gave birth to a healthy boy, Jaehaerys. However, it was short lived as Jaehaerys died later the same year and Aerys put the blame for his son’s death to his wet nurse and had the woman beheaded. Later on, he decided that his mistress was to blame and put her and her entire family through torture and eventually had all of them executed.

When the Queen Rhaella gave birth to another boy, Viserys the king became more paranoid fearing that his son would follow the same fate as Jaehaerys and the two princes that were born before him. That’s why, no one could touch the boy without the King’s permission, not even the Queen. He even commanded his own food taster to suckle at the teats of the prince’s wet nurse to make sure that there was no poison in them.

While signs of his madness were already obvious, his insanity only peaked after the Defiance of Duskendale incident. Aerys decided against his Hand’s (Tywin Lannister) council to accept Lord Darklyn’s invitation to come to his castle and discuss about a new charter and traveled to Duskendale with only a small force. That unwise act of his, lead to him becoming a prisoner of the Darklyns. Tywin Lannister laid a siege to the town but the King was freed only after six months of imprisonment.

Those months had a huge impact on him, feeding his already existing paranoia. Signs that shown his paranoia include: destroying House Darklyn and House Holland by burning their members alive (with the exception of Dontos Holland), believing that Tywin Lannister had assassinated Lord Steffon Baratheon, not attending his son’s Rhaegar’s wedding and neither letting his other son, Viserys, to attend because he was afraid that either of them could be assassinated, becoming so fascinated by wildfire that only used that as the way of executing traitors and finally becoming unable to be aroused if he hadn’t watched someone burned alive first.

Even his appearance reflected his troubled mind. He was described as someone who looked much older than his actual age and he was very thin because he only ate a little as a result of his phobia for poisoning. His beard was dirty and his hair was matted. Also, he had developed a phobia of blades and thus he refused to have his hair or his nails trimmed.

Aerys not only was an insane King but also the one who held the most responsibility for his House’s demise. Not only his actions made many Lords wanting to overthrown him but by killing both Rickard and Brandon Stark and wanting the heads of Eddard Stark and Robert Baratheon to be presented to him, he marked the beginning of Robert’s Rebellion.

6. VISERYS TARGARYEN

In Visery’s case I’m a bit reluctant to call him mad. I believe that his difficult upbringing brought out the bad traits of him, but being narcissist, violent and abusive doesn’t necessarily mean that he was insane, just that he had a shitty personality.

According to Daenerys, Viserys was driven mad because of all the difficulties he faced on their exile.

[... ]She hated it, as her brother must have. All those years of running from city to city one step ahead of the Usurper's knives, pleading for help from archons and princes and magisters, buying our food with flattery. He must have known how they mocked him. Small wonder he turned so angry and bitter. In the end it had driven him mad[...].

Also, according to Ser Barristan Selmy Viserys showed signs of being mad like his father, even from his childhood:

[...]...even as a child, your brother Viserys oft seemed to be his father's son, in ways that Rhaegar never did." "His father's son?" Dany frowned. "What does that mean?" The old knight did not blink. "Your father is called 'the Mad King' in Westeros. Has no one ever told you?"

It seems that Ilyrio Mopatis also shared the opinion that Viserys took after his father in terms of sanity.

"Viserys was Mad Aerys's son, just so. Daenerys … Daenerys is quite different”

So, I guess I’ll have to trust those people’s judgement and thus why I included Viserys to the mad Targaryens list.

#house targaryen #asoiaf #asoiaf meta #targaryen meta #maegor i targaryen #baelor i targaryen #rhaegel targaryen #aerion targaryen #aerys ii targaryen #viserys targaryen #the Targaryens are the most fascinating House to analyse about #mymeta

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bloodmirroreda · 7 years ago

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Lukas Sweetmeadow ✨ 18 years old ✨ Slytherin ✨ 7th year

→ Best Class: Defense Against the Dark Arts and Dueling Club → Worst Class: Muggle Studies → Blood Status: Pureblood → Most Prominent House Trait: Self-Preservation

Biography

The Sweetmeadow family has long been a pureblooded family filled with both darkness and light. For every Slytherin the family produced, they also produced a Hufflepuff- it was an odd combination by anyone’s expectations, but the family seemed to make it work in best possible way. But no one in the family made it work as well as Adrienne and Lukas did. From the very beginning, the twins were more like two halves of the same entity, and neither of them seemed entirely human without the other by their side. Not that it was much of a problem, as one was never without the other. Their very first trip to Diagon Alley for their school supplies led to Lukas finding a black viper coiled in a tank in the back of the Magical Menagerie, a sign on the tank warning everyone not to open it. Of course, not paying any mind to the warning, Lukas opened the tank only to find the venomous snake moving to coil around his wrist, more than content to be around the dark haired boy- and considering most were intimidated by the child, despite his young age, it was a sort of miracle. It wasn’t until almost a month later that the truth was revealed through an almost absentminded hiss- Lukas was so close with the snake because they could speak. Despite the fact that he always held a soft spot for his twin sister, Lukas never had any ambitions to make friends. Adrienne was the only one he found worthy of his time or affections, so he despite the fact that they were separated by their sorting, his intimidating nature made it perfectly clear that if anyone in his House had issues with his sister, they had to deal with him. Considering he’d always held top marks for his classes, it wasn’t a risk many people took. Lukas had always worked hard to keep everyone away from his sister, an instinctive need to keep her safe from the things that people their age would do. But while he hated most of the people around him and scared them away from his sister, his natural “bad boy” aura seemed to attract people to him, even if no one doubted the fact that his emotions were all but nonexistent. For the most part, he stayed with his sister and didn’t bother with the males and females of Hogwarts, but every once in a while you may catch sight of him with a younger student on his arm, only for about a week or so before he’s ditched them once again, never able to fake emotions for a person for any longer than that. The only person he’s ever cared about is his sister, after all. Unlike his twin, Lukas has upheld the blood purity beliefs that most of the wizarding world left behind decades before- he naturally avoids them all, but with a propensity and flourish for the Dark Arts ( not to mention summer tutors from Durmstrang that have taught him the finer points of martial magic ) he has become a force to be reckoned with and feared. It’s hard to find someone he so much as tolerates, much less actually likes, apart from his sister, and when he’s in a bad mood, absolutely no one is safe. He can turn without much of a warning, and seems to not have a conscience- he’ll maim someone with magic without much of a second thought.

The Wand

→ Walnut Wood

Highly intelligent witches and wizards ought to be offered a walnut wand for trial first, because in nine cases out of ten, the two will find in each other their ideal mate. Walnut wands are often found in the hands of magical innovators and inventors; this is a handsome wood possessed of unusual versatility and adaptability. A note of caution, however: while some woods are difficult to dominate, and may resist the performance of spells that are foreign to their natures, the walnut wand will, once subjugated, perform any task its owner desires, provided that the user is of sufficient brilliance. This makes for a truly lethal weapon in the hands of a witch or wizard of no conscience, for the wand and the wizard may feed from each other in a particularly unhealthy manner.

→ Dragon Heartstring

Symbolizes Power and Wisdom. Those who are strong, wise, compassionate, dedicated, relentless, resilient, bold, strong-minded, head-strong, powerful, ambitious, highly determined and driven (to obsessive), have strong desire and/or stubborn would have this wand core. Having such a wand core suggests that you can be bossy at times, but also have a fiery disposition and have firm convictions, which will lead you down the road to leadership, as well as being devoted and selfless. This is the best core to have for Hexes, The Dark Arts and all manner of Elemental Magic. It is a core predominantly found among those of House Slytherin, but can also bond well with those of House Ravenclaw and House Gryffindor. As a rule, Dragon Heartstring cores produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. wands with Dragon Heartstring cores tend to learn more quickly than other types. In Elemental Magic, Dragon Heartstring cores are the most flexible of all the common cores, being that they work well with all manner of Elemental spells, but no doubt that Fire spells are among the most potent with this core type. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. Such wands also tend to be easiest to turn to The Dark Arts, though they will not incline that way of their own accord. Such wands are also the most prone to the ‘three cores to accidents’, being somewhat temperamental. Dragon Heartstring cores are a powerful wand core with a lot of magical “heft”. They are not the wand core you want for subtlety, but for sheer power, they are definitely the best. Although they are the most common core among Dark Wizards and Dark Witches, they are most certainly not their most common users. Dragon Heartstring cores are by far the most common wand core amongst Slytherins, but their power often bonds well to Gryffindors and Ravenclaws as well. However, they tend to overwhelm the archetypal Hufflepuff personality.

→ 11 3/4 inches

Many wandmakers simply match the wand length to the size of the witch or wizard who will use it, but this is a crude measure, and fails to take into account many other, important considerations. In my experience, longer wands might suit taller wizards, but they tend to be drawn to bigger personalities, and those of a more spacious and dramatic style of magic. Neater wands favour more elegant and refined spell-casting. However, no single aspect of wand composition should be considered in isolation of all the others, and the type of wood, the core and the flexibility may either counterbalance or enhance the attributes of the wand’s length. Most wands will be in the range of between nine and fourteen inches. While I have sold extremely short wands (eight inches and under) and very long wands (over fifteen inches), these are exceptionally rare. In the latter case, a physical peculiarity demanded the excessive wand length. However, abnormally short wands usually select those in whose character something is lacking, rather than because they are physically undersized (many small witches and wizards are chosen by longer wands).

→ Unyielding

A wand of this flexibility finely tunes itself to its original owner’s preferences and doesn’t stray from those preferences, even in the hands of a new owner; the new owner will just have to get used to it. It is particularly good for combative and healing magic. Unyielding wand owners tend to be very confident in themselves and/or in the things they believe in. They tend to be intelligent, somewhat cynical, and usually have well-defined principles that they will not stray from ever. Sometimes, this combination can lead to arrogance because of them insisting on how right they are without considering other points of view or whether or not they might be wrong.

Connections

→ come to me for plots pls !!!

#gv; draco dormiens nunquam titillandus #( verse bio )

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alizaarches · 7 years ago

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As she pressed her body against the walls of an underground temple, she panted heavily, listening to the sounds of chaos and pondering how she ended up in this situation in the first place. She thought back to the Anchor, to her eternity trapped in a make-believe world. In the beginning, she’d believed she was . . . real, in a sense she had difficulty in explaining. Every day, she lived the same verisimilitude. She lifted herself off the fox-red of her bed, dressed herself in her work armor, and glided down to the bartending job she’d earned for as long as she could remember. It didn’t take long for her and the rest of the residents in this damn place to realize: There was nothing they could remember. They were animations in a silly game of virtual expenses, never to be people who lived and died, only NPCs to interact with and never to change a single thing about themselves, for themselves. She’d drained all substance from the revelers that drank alcoholic ambrosia and mused of their distant wives they’d never return to see. She’d scrubbed down the mahogany of the bar more times than she could count, absentminded and dreaming of an interruption in rhythm, of an angel sent from above to disrupt the bliss they’d lived since their sudden and forgotten existence. She wished beyond wishing, hoped beyond hoping, for something, anything, to break this curse. Her entreaty was deferentially rejected, until the estimated fourth year of their lives, when an outsider arrived at the homely, dragon-faced and ball-and-chained gates of Rynmille. A man, with delicate elven ears and thin, hickory brown hair, wore white, laced long-sleeved shirt, with an odd . . . identification hanging over his head. Suspended midair, white letters floated above him: CrackerJack, in simple calligraphy neater than anything she’d written. Mister Jack summoned attention to himself immediately, picking a fight with a royal soldier and collecting random strewn weaponry from the underground temples left by their ancestors. The foreigner quickly made a name for himself, gathering armor and gaining experience by killing the wolves the warlock nicknamed “the Fallen,” for their skeletal appearances. Jack refused to speak to the residents for a long time, including Deanna the Mixologist herself. He only chosen to express his personality to a few stragglers on the outer ring of Rynmille, returning a ghost elixir to the seamstress whose husband fell ill and delivering a message to the youth who planned to swindle the poor village girl. When Jack finished his avoidance of the main streets and determined they were worthy of their presence, he strolled into the Anchor like he owned the place. He traded out his ‘poor citizen’ garb for a mage’s cloak and an assassin’s hood, his irises responding to the magic in his veins, glowing brightly like the life Destiny chose for him. He spoke to every resident in the pub, almost obsessively attempting to learn everything of everyone all at once. He eventually made his way to Deanna, who only continued her aimless cleansing of her spotless counter and reassured herself of multiple things: If he was an enemy, she could be prepared. If he was an ally, he would save them all. Anything to intrude on their peace, Deanna reminded herself. Anything to free them from this fantastical place. He approached the bartender, smiling charmingly, and asked for a Yvonne Bloodsinger. Deanna’s eyebrows raised instantly, obediently mixing him the drink, before inquiring what Mister CrackerJack was doing in their quiet town, near completely unaffected by the war in the capital. Jack answered, “I was hired,” and when Deanna wondered by who, he only responded with, “King Eredion,” the country’s worst fear and the war’s biggest benefactor. She instantly dropped the subject, growing wearier of this guest Destiny brought them. He paused for a moment, changing the subject as easily as a broken teacup, sloppily asking her of her family and purpose. She dismissed him, dropping an ice shard in his drink and sassing him to next Sunday. He seemed simultaneously intrigued and annoyed by her, which were the two emotions she loved evoking in people. He strode out of the Anchor with his head held high, newly acquired information weighing on his shoulders, his rank still a mystery to those closest to him. A youth with long, spindly plaits reported to Deanna, a proud gossiper in her right, of the CrackerJack’s reasoning for being here. Spindly, known by her lover as Lucie, claimed Jack gave different excuses to everyone. To a harlot he’d ordered the first day of his arrival, he was here to visit relatives. To a musician on the stone footpath, he was an ambassador of peace, summoned by the Gods themselves. To Lucie, he was a soldier sent to guard the princess herself, and stopped by to ensure peace of the surrounding cities. Lucie asked them if he’d stopped by, an enigmatic man with blue fire for eyes, and the partygoers only glanced at Deanna, trusting her call more than their own ability to read the odd breaks of pattern. Deanna quickly vetoed her question; this stranger cared not of the citizens of Rynmille, only for himself and his own greedy pleasures. Lucie was relieved, a left the Anchor to express her joy to the musician and the harlot. Deanna wasn’t entirely sure why she protected this parvenu, why she was all ready lying to her own people for him, but her instincts led her to the conclusion of her make-believe existence in a virtual reality, and so she trusted her instincts above all else. Her instincts told her to lie to this naïve village girl, to distantly trust this foreigner Jack, and so she complied wordlessly. The very next day, Jack returned to the Anchor, beelining for Deanna, a mixture of a smirk and a smile splayed across his face. He thanked her, kindly, for “covering for him,” which confused Deanna further than she all ready was. She dismissed his thanks, asking only for a real explanation for what he was doing here. He took a deep breath, glanced around like someone was following him, before describing his situation fully to her. He claimed he admired a city so chock-full of mysteries and legends, so willing to tell the tales no others even remotely knew of. He was a storyteller, a journeyer, who the King chose to discover decipher The Myth of the Alchemist, an ancient text written in a language no modern cryptographer could understand. Vague letters in Standard allowed audiences to decode the title, along with a brief summary: An alchemist with the ability to control an artificial reality, to mimic voices and control elements and bend blood at will. The alchemist was considered a gift from the Gods, with the harbinger being the only individual who knew the ritual to gain these world-breaking powers, and he’d described this ceremony in vivid detail. Only, of course, no one could understand it. This CrackerJack fellow was the key, according to the King’s impeccable judgment, and the princess’s interference (Jack commented slyly over how Magdalene—on informal terms with the princess, Deanna noticed—held a soft spot for him. Deanna was not astonished in the slightest). King Nire hired him, asked him to indulge the natural curiosity Jack held close to his heart, to dig up the buried secrets of citizens and nobles alike, to do everything and anything to decrypt The Myth of the Alchemist. Jack admitted to forming little stories of his own to tell the residents of each town, testing his creative abilities and seeing how absurd he could make his anecdotes without the inhabitants questioning his honesty. He also leant forward, his forearms peeking through his cloak, and confided in her. “The girl wasn’t very subtle in her coquetting,” he whispered, smirking, referring to Lucie. Deanna remembered how upset she’d been when she figured Jack lied to her, and how pleased she’d been when she discovered he hadn’t been to the Anchor. Deanna pitied her, silently praying she’d stay to men more her paygrade—a raconteur-turned-mage was not very impressed by a naïve village girl, Deanna imagined. She told him, in the same quiet gossiper’s voice, of the artist’s son who was determined to marry the mixologist, for utterly no reason, especially with the six-year-old’s seven girlfriends scattered across the hamlet. Jack laughed, loudly, which caught the ears of his throng of admirers, hopeful eyes glaring at Deanna with a savagery only a handsome man could bring to desperate strangers. Jack noticed the expressions, and rolled his glowing irises, apologizing for the shameless jealousy. He stood from his chair and, with a wink toward the tavern keeper, strode out of the pub with the confidence of only the King’s chosen knight. Immediately, like a child throwing remainders of bread to a colony of gulls, women and men of all ages began flocking toward the bar, asking for Siren’s Song’s and Viper Bite’s under the pretense of interrogating her over Mister Clandestine Jack. Deanna refilled their glasses and deflected, an expert tactic she’d perfected over the years. After more mind-numbing Elysium Bliss’s, her patrons were eventually so intoxicated, one particularly handsy brunette slurred to her companion over her sexually frustration and then blacked out in the arms of a privateer with a beer belly and burly beard. Deanna handed over her shift to her nightly counterpart, a Lylee man by the name of Russel, dodging drunken opera singers and aroused alleyway people. Russel took one glance around the Anchor, at the deviance, at the arch of emotions their customers were experiencing as they drank their Fire Lily’s, and cursed Deanna to a new side of Hell, created specifically for her sadistic smirk and smug personality. She disappeared into her cottage and fell asleep, dreaming of gleaming magician’s eyes and a perfect, sublime imbalance. As it happens, ever since this outsider arrived in town, Rynmille’s love of quiet, calm situations had dissipated into a puff of cigar smoke and blue magic. Deanna was serving drinks at the Anchor like usual, when Miss Lucie strolled in, eyes as dark as coal and as cold as them too. Lucie marched up to the counter, slammed a bill on the mahogany, and demanded for a Devil’s Kiss. Deanna followed her order obediently, eying her carefully, like a hunter to potential prey. Lucie took a seat at the bar, twisting her long, spindly braids and beginning an entertaining, teenage rant that caused begrudging frowns to quirk up in defiance. She swallowed her Kiss like water, downing it harshly like her lionhearted mother, haranguing over her father’s insistence over keeping her as virginal and “innocent” as possible. Lucie was simply chatting with the musician’s apprentice, a young man with fluffy hair and faux-leather boots, when her father threatened to have him hanged for sedition and harassment, even though he hadn’t done anything. Lucie defended her friend, holding back her father as the boy bolted for the barn in the distance. The next hour, as she sulked in the shadows of her apple tree, she spotted Mister Jack walked along the path, notebook in hand. With her crush on the man (Lucie left this out of the story, seemingly hiding this fact from the rest of the world under lock and key), she brightened up instantly, striding over with more self-assurance than she had, and spoke to him over her problem. Jack thought it over for a moment, considered her options, but her father seemed to sense whenever Lucie was around semi-attractive men. He jumped out of the house and started shaking a knife at Jack, screaming obscenities at the top of his lungs. Jack was startled, but coolly responded to the threats like a true man of the King. Jack raised a single manicured brow, calmly telling the man threats did not make him want to scurry with his tail between his legs, only confirmed his theory of the elder being an absolute lunatic. The mage wished Lucie luck, purposefully smiled to further spite the old man—though, from Lucie, it was a charming attempt at trying to gain the village girl’s love, even in the sight of adversity—and walked away with grace in his step. Lucie stared dreamily after him, and her father dragged her away. She started an argument, calling him out on keeping her from men like a caged dog, when she couldn’t even speak to one without fearing for his safety. Directly after this fight, she stormed out, journeying into the Anchor for a place to vent and a decent audience. Deanna snorted at the comment, gesturing to the cougars who were daintily listening, waiting with sharp claws to sink into the young girl. The bartender abandoned her to the wolves and kept working; the Anchor was busier than usual. Deanna was serving Twin Glass’s to a group of women on a hen night, hollering over her beautiful husband-to-be, when a mysterious figure stepped into the pub. The gender-neutral wisp of dark robes floated toward Deanna, where she rested her hand casually on the shotgun she kept under the counter, next to her repair tools and handkerchiefs. The shadow tilted its hood curiously, leaning closer toward the barkeep. She studied them suspiciously, listening to the sounds of sobbing and adultery, observing the flow of their cloak and the clicking of their footsteps. Dark, Tall, and Emotionless carefully reached into their pocket, and withdrew a small, shining object. It gleamed like magic, pretty and honey-colored, and they held it with a kind of gentleness unheard of for a being so conspicuous. Deanna watched them under her own hawk-like gaze, wondering several things and none of them very polite. The silhouette placed the item on the counter, their hands pale and sickly, their eyes radiating light like a candlestick. Without a word, the being stood from their hunched-over position, took a single, dismissive glance over the Anchor’s dancefloor and sozzled clients, and walked out of the bar without a care in the world. The mixologist called after them, yelling demands like, “Hey! Cloak Person! Reaper That Arose to Take All Our Souls! You left something here!” but it was useless. They disappeared into the afternoon rush, citizens of all ages arriving from classes and lunchtime all at once. Deanna examined the thing abandoned on the counter, which shimmered and shifted like an iridescent rainbow. As if summoned by the sounds of conflict and the tavern keeper’s insults, Monsieur Jack emerged at the doorway. She waved him over, displaying the small item like a tourist attraction. He instantly began bombarding her with questions, queries corresponding to: “Did you know them? Have they ever appeared before? Did they say what they wanted?” She answered the negative to all of them, and Jack cursed without inhibitions. Lucie noticed his entrance, as she always did, and was currently mooning over him with the quidnuncs she’d befriended. Jack asked when Deanna’s stint was over, to which she replied, “Never,” with an ominous “dun, dun, dun,” provided by Russel’s favorite tipper, Vinny. At the expression on the mage’s countenance, she smiled, genuinely responding with a: “Midnight.” Jack nodded, pondering, before, like a gentleman, politely requested for Deanna to meet him after her shift, with ulterior motive whatsoever. With one wary eyebrow, Deanna agreed, and Jack vanished into the misty air outside of the Anchor. When midnight arrived, Deanna passed the mantle to Russel, who ignored her in favor of batting his eyelashes at Vinny. She smirked obnoxiously, catching the glint in Vinny’s eye and the hunger in Russel’s stance. She wished them both luck with their shameless adventures and strode out into the night, checking the area for a mysterious character with a mage’s cloak. Sure enough, Jack stood leaning against the alleyway, his magic shimmering off him in visible, physical waves. He quickly took her hand and began gently shepherding her away, further and further from the candlelight and anarchy of the Anchor. When she obligingly gave over the object the shadow left on the counter when he, hesitantly yet politely, asked for it, he told her of its magical origin, of its initial purpose as part of a bloody mutation ritual, of the message sent by its herald. He told her of the underground temple he’d discovered, buried in the rocks of Nil Cavern, with doors the size of a giant’s mouth and beautifully crafted gates made by the hands of gods. With the key, he gestured to the shadow’s leftovers—which, with a magical apparatus (Jack) to keep it from dissolving into pure light, began to look like a glass cylinder, ready to withhold a miniature pirate ship, with no narrow nose at the end—he could potentially locate the secret to deciphering The Myth of the Alchemist. All the breadcrumbs had led him here, the heart of all mystery, Rynmille: the home of the Alchemist’s legacy, and the melting pot of storytelling. When Deanna questioned why in the living Hel he’d decided to drag her on his adventure to discovery, he simply answered: “In this day and age, there are only two types of people: Ones that trust strangers, and ones that trust liars.” The bartender didn’t understand, not completely, what he was attempting to say to her, so she only stated, calmly and matter-of-factly, “Tell me what you’re going to tell me, without a trail of riddles to solve along the way, or forever hold your peace.” He threw his head back and laughed, loudly and pleasantly, glowing eyes twinkling with a whole lot of amusement and a whole nothing of regret, and gestured to keep moving, no explanation as to why or what he’d just said. A few leagues later, they were journeying down the gravelly non-linear path to Jack’s forgotten temple, with the mage stopping every couple cliffs to check the landmarks on the walls. When the cavern was excavated, workers scratched arrows on the limestone to ensure their own safety without losing their way. Jack casually leaped onto the sharp-edged cliffs and barely-there ledges without fear or reluctance, compared to Deanna’s wariness and habit of pausing occasionally. She wasn’t entirely sure where this bodily strength she’d summoned had come from, especially with her main assets being her ability to juggle alcohol bottles without spilling any goblets, but she didn’t curse this sudden talent of hers. If anything, it helped her keep up with Jack’s impatience and excitement, and allowed her not to fall from a hundred-meter drop. They arrived at the gates without much struggle, and Jack thrust his arms out wide like showing off a prized medallion collection. He grinned toothily, and a very small, man-obsessed portion of Deanna’s brain commented how attractive he appeared when he wasn’t scowling like a neutral-faced assassin or smirking like a brothel-keeper. Deanna shook her head to snap herself out of those thoughts, and admired the scenery in front of her. The gates were half-buried in the cavern, the barest hint of a keyhole—if a massive, cylinder-shaped opening was considered a keyhole—poking out from behind a stalagmite. Pillars framed the hidden area, shading the doorway from view of outsiders and a threat of a long, deadly fall fending away any and all adventurers attempting to find the next big thing. Jack popped in the key without preamble, and the gateway lit up with magic, lights so bright Deanna adverted her eyes beginning to shine from the doors, the sigil of an alter with a sun hanging over it clinging to her eyelids and the darkened walls surrounding them. The doors shuddered open, the power of ancient technology consuming the cavern until the ground was shaking and the stalactites above them began crashing into the limestone with sickening booms. Jack grabbed Deanna’s arm and jumped into the entrance of the temple, bringing her with him, with the gates slowly but surely crumbling behind them. Inside, the walls were covered in glyphs; from the top all the way to the floor at her feet, pictographs and letters were plastered like a multilinguistic poem. Jack gasped, staring at the room with wide, child-like eyes, the magic at his fingertips seemingly powerless compared to the goal of his journey finally being completed. Jack started muttering, reading aloud things like, “the meal of the common folk—bread! Would it matter what kind? Would we need to find the poorest person ‘round and have them willingly sacrifice to the gods?” and “the blood of royalty? Bloody Hel! Well, actually . . .” Deanna could only read the bits at the very bottom, which were detailed in her native tongue and Standard. She was beginning to become engrossed in why the Alchemist needed the heart of his former wife—a heart of coal, filled with such hatred it made itself heavy with discontent, was his description, to which he later confirmed to be the woman he once loved—when the world collapsed around them. Just as Jack assured: “It’s just the cave,” the ceiling caved in on itself, knocking the barkeep and the mage in different directions. Voices floated in from overhead: “He found it! He found it!” “No need to sound so amazed, Fiona. He brought a woman with him—he won’t settle for you.” Men dropped down in armored suits with weapons in the arms, helmets the shape of hogs and teeth the color of sand. Deanna instinctively chose a weapon of her own, a large piece of rock that would serve as a great chucking device, when Jack shouted, “Don’t hurt her! She was innocent in this! Let her go!” The shadow from the Anchor dropped into the room, a chuckle rumbling from their throat and causing more of ancient, treasured instructions to break. The mist in a cloak strolled casually to her, and she raised her rock protectively against herself. With a smile she could not see, they gestured at one of their henchmen for something. Jack was fighting on the other side of the Alchemist’s workshop, thrashing against the hold of his captors and knocking them all out one by one. One armored man cracked his head against the alter in the center, one took a magic flame to the face, one tried talking him out of arguing when they received a swift kick in the nostril. The shadow knelt, Deanna scrambling backward until her back hit the wall, and the henchman stepped forward. A gleaming axe was given to the dark figure and they traced the bladed edge with the adoration of a lover in their gaze. When they spoke, it was calm, almost soothing, and fully hypnotizing. They said, “I thought you knew this was no business for outsiders. I thought you knew better than to betray your own kind, to leave tracks in the snow for hunters to find. I thought you knew better than to care for another human being, after everything that’s happened and everything I’ve done for you.” Magic flared angrily in their eyes. Deanna watched Jack get pummeled by his own brethren, by his once flesh-and-blood, and his gaze snapped up to meet hers. His eyes spoke of true desperation, of sorrow and fear, of regret and lost hope. Deanna saw his lips move—“I’m sorry”—but she never heard his voice. Instead, she heard the shadow’s own quiet, dangerous speech, “I’m sorry,” and the axe was swung at her head. She blocked the attempt with her rock, and did so for several other endeavors, but she was eventually overrun and overwhelmed, the silver of the blade final and inevitable and peaceful. The last thing she knew was Jack’s cry of despair, and she slipped into sweet, silent darkness.

The Outsider, by alizaarches

I’m so, so sorry for my disappearance in the last two weeks. I’ll eventually make it up to you guys, with two bonus stories or something, but I really have no excuse for my non-writingness. Really, I blame writer’s block, as does every writer when the creative outlet in their mind went caput. Really. Ever since I’d written “Zombie Assassin” as me and my friends call it, you guys know the one, I ran out of writing ideas. See, I have a little note on my phone which has a list of prompts and such for short stories to post. Well, I exhausted that list, and suddenly had absolutely nothing in my brain to provide new ideas. So I kinda blanked. It was horrible. This sucks considering it’s summer and all, and I actually have time to write, but that’s my explanation. Writer’s Block is a bitch, no lie. Ugh.

Anyway, this story came out of nowhere. For this one, as usual, I had multiple inspirations. I would’ve welcomed these inspirations sooner, but you know how life goes. My list includes:

~Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (I was inspired by Karen Gillan with her whole “why am I wearing this in a freaking JUNGLE” thing; I originally wrote Deanna with a metal brassiere and the entire “stereotypical female videogame character” spiel, but changed the beginning for something better.)

~Videogames, obvious; mainly Tomb Raider (“underground temple”/searching for ancient stuff/being an ancient archaeologist) and Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (yeah, a lot of Skyrim; the entire town backdrop/bar scene/people are all inspired by Skyrim)

~Dean Winchester (the name, Deanna, and part of the personality)

I think that’s all of them. I think you can see the inspirations in my writing ;).

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