#i had some dream that involved him. idk it was like an alternate version of the game or something

[neves-trouble]

Thinking about how Hawke and Sebastian both lose their families. They should have been able to talk about that and bond more

[whositmcwhatsit]

Hi!

Idk if this sent the first time, the wifi i’m using is really bad, but anyway…

I’m not sure if you’ve already done this, but I was wondering if you had any recommendations on books about Elvis? I’ve already read Last Train To Memphis but that’s just about the only one.

I’m a relatively new fan, but he’s so magnetic and interesting — I’d love to learn more about him 🫠🫠

Thank you!! xx

Hi there! So, it's really a case of what you're looking for, because there are lots of different entries into the world of Elvis. Heads up, first of all: Everyone and their elderly third cousin twice removed has written a book about Elvis. They all put themselves at the centre of Elvis' life and decisions to some degree or another. They all talk about his excesses and problems as if they were not just as heavily involved and partaking just as much. Some will quote conversations with Elvis as if they are verbatim. A healthy dose of cynicism is needed throughout. Also, don't bother reading anything by The Stanleys. This is my golden rule. So, I assume you're going to read Careless Love by Peter Guralnick, but I'll recommend it anyway. It's a hard read towards the end, and Guralnick's own feelings kind of color things in contrast with the more 'objective' Last Train. Still, I consider it a must read. If you're looking for more of an overview using more than one voice, I'd recommend Elvis and The Memphis Mafia by Alanna Nash with Billy Smith, Marty Lacker and Lamar Fike. They tell a good story, they are 'characters' in their own right, and they give you a strong idea of the vibe around Elvis. Disclaimer: facts are sometimes less important than a good yarn. Like I said, most of his friends wrote about him at least once. Some are more entertaining and readable than others. Lots of people like Joe Esposito's books, such as Good Rockin' Tonight and Elvis- Straight Up, because he comes across as personable and more respectful. Just remember that he was reporting back to The Colonel and good friends with Priscilla, Lisa and EPE. Same with longtime EPE employee Jerry Schilling's Me and Guy Named Elvis, but I like that he was quite different from the rest of the Memphis Mafia and this colours his stories. I really enjoyed Larry Geller's If I Can Dream. While the man loves the sound of his own voice, he also gives an insight into Elvis' struggles in the mid-60s with losing touch with himself and the life he is living. He saw Elvis in a way that most of the other guys couldn't comprehend because of their backgrounds maybe. Some of his stories also have a weird surreal truly Elvis quality. To get a glimpse into Elvis's upbringing and strongest relationship, Elvis and Gladys by Elaine Dundy is a good one. He makes much more sense when you feel you understand where he came from, at least to me. In terms of the women, Linda Thompson's A Little Thing Called Life is a fun read. She probably got to a more intimate insight into Elvis as a famous boyfriend than any of the other women, including Priscilla, in my opinion. She knows how to spin a tale too. June Juanico's Elvis: In the Twilight of Memory is a swoonworthy dream. She is a great writer, and got to sample some pre-superstar boyfriend Elvis. I also enjoyed Joyce Bova's Don't Ask Forever. It gives a view of how it must have been to be one of his side-chicks- Elvis had a new phone line installed in her apartment just for him and would try and get her to skip work (At Capitol Hill!) because her work was less important than his! If you're interested in any of Elvis's work, I highly, devotedly recommend Ernst Jorgensen's Elvis: A Life in Music. This man is the one who should get all the credit for Elvis's legacy continuing so far. Forget EPE, RCA, Sony, all of them. He is the supreme Elvis historian, has scoured and catalogued the vaults for all Elvis' recorded material. He is involved with the FTD label, which rescued and released all the outtakes, alternate versions, studio banter, concert soundboard recordings, everything. He is my hero. I think everyone has a different version of Elvis that they love, so if anyone else has any other recommendations, please chime in! And remember, we don't read a Stanley. Thank you for reaching out. Let me know what you end up reading next, I love a book discussion!

[oofouchstovehot]

(Very very sorry. I had to ramble a little about worldbuilding. It got out of hand.)

Nothing against the sans hyper fixation, i get it, i have it too.

but like... does anyone else wish there'd be a little more focus on other characters when it came to aus?

(BEAR WITH ME MY KNOWLEDGE COULD BE OUTDATED IF SOMETHING DOESN'T MAKE SENSE)

Like. For this huge clusterfuck of Sanses fighting other Sanses. A lot of them have home worlds right? Do they bring friends? Do they fight in the multiverse to protect them? Do they try to hide what they do? Is it just skeletons fighting in Dream and Nightmare's Groups or are there also Undynes popping up for backup? Is there a Toriel who Dream crashes with often? Someone other than Sans who is the only survivor of a destabilized world. Maybe there's a reason Sanses are most likely to survive? Is it chance? Is it the role he plays in most worlds? Is it a meta thing like Ink's relationship with Creators? Does Sans have some kind of cosmic plot armor due to our favor of him? Do the people who's world was destroyed, or destabilized, or kicked them out and have to live in the omega timeline, or crash with an alternate them, or live at Nightmare's Hideout-Castle-Thing jealous of characters with a home to return to when their job is done? Can we get Deltarune involved please?

Idk... The purely Sans groups are fun but surely there are more people helping the Stars and crashing with Nightmare's gang. I mean, mf has a castle. And Dream's cause seems to be pretty widespread.... Would Dust be chill enough with Kris to have them on the team? Would they pull the !#?@ Squad along or would Ralsei and/or Noel convince them to help Dream. Would they split in two? Are there people who's aus are perfectly fine but they decided to leave either because they were passionate enough for a cause, working off-world as a trade-off for protection or resources(like... food?) back home, or just- didn't like their universe at all? Susie and Noel fight on different sides but when SwapFell!Alphys helps booster Susie up into the castle so they can talk, nobody says a word. Underfell residents are even more cautious of eachother then before they were attacked since half of them now work for Nightmare and the others just want to get by? (Do Dream and Nightmare even look like Sans? Maybe they used to? Maybe they're a weird combination of Sans and Papyrus? It would make sense, they're twins afterall, but Sans and Papyrus come in Pair and don't look the same. Are they like Deltarune, perhaps? Technically the same person as Sans but with a role so twisted and different from the source that all resemblance is purely surface level? Doesn't that happen often? Nobody can really recognize faces anymore. Are you sure that's not normal? I think you're seeing things. Their auras do cause hallucinations on occasion. I'm sure they're normal. Just like Ink!)

Does Nightmare strategically pair up his soldiers so they're only fighting alongside different versions of themself in order to avoid bias from those who lost family? That's why the "Bad Sanses" are most infamous, perhaps? Because Nightmare looks most like them and therefore chooses Sanses as his closest thralls? But what about switched around Au's where someone who definitely looked like you is also definitely the guy would would've killed your family? What do you do about that? How do the Humans get on having all that DT in a space? Does the Most Determined Person change often? How do they interact with Killer?

What do Papyri think of short skeletons in scarves and hoodies, weighed down by an eternal grief and exhaustion carried in bags under their eye sockets? What do they think of the dust on that shady one's sleeves? And the way he's distracted by the nothing over his shoulder? What do Mutt and Red think of each other? What does Edge think of Mutt? Is it disturbing? Do they wonder what could've possibly changed to get where they are other than age? Is Paprika the Oldest? How old is Stretch? Edge made it into the Guard? Didn't Blue mention he was a teenager? How many kids have been mistaken for adults? How many lied? Is he okay? How does he possibly keep up with people like Ink and Dream? He kinda scares me. Do you think I could do that? What happened to Disbelief? Swapfell is surprisingly energetic. Edge, Paprika, do you need a Dentist? I know an Undyne-

[cloudninetonine]

*awkwardly walks in, waves, downs coffee like a shot, leaves without elaborating after dropping a note*

Hey, nothing too big this time as I've had a rough week and I'm currently dogsitting a dog that ain't mine so my brain power is more or less incoherent and shot, just passing on by to wish you a Merry Christmas (or whatever you celebrate) and to thank you for all your work in the fandom!

First of all, I've only know of Mess Au existing for like an hour and a half but I already adore the life out of it, Rip Player and their sanity due to the Evil Chain running around but I am thriving on their content with the Ganons. And, there's a discord? *Confused guitar sounds from a Musician*

Also I'd die for Pastuzo, just saying, if dangerous wild animal then why friend and hug shaped? I've only know him for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I'd murder everyone in the Yigah Clan and then myself, Player is lucky if it was me there with Nat I'd immediately pat, bless that guy (also Rip Nature and his food, I hope he knows that my version of Fia/Seraph is cackling at his misery, just straight up rolling on the floor), and the entire section with Eve? Perfection, outstanding, showstopping, honestly given I'm a reader myself I'd probably chill with him, and I hope Player gets to introduce books from their world to him because something tells me he'd love a wider selection, I am thriving so much with this thank you for the food of Ganon-Player Found Family. *Bows* Also, I kind of want the Ganons to meet Og Chain now, it would be funny.

Also, Player's Aid Au where everything is the same but the reason why Legend dislikes Players is that the only time he remembers with his Guide is in Koholint so that's why he's so Claude Frollo when it comes to them, the trauma is making him suspicious. Or alternatively, where Player is actually a Witch but like A Wadanohara Sea Witch rather than the standard type, like instead of a broom they have a staff with an anchor at the end they use to fight and fly (as well as several other anchors and fish hooks on their design), an Ocarina for healing spells, some control over water and basically does what the Links do but with a twist: protects the ocean and people's dreams, no one in the Chain would ever have a nightmare while they're around, bonus points if we give them a seagull familiar that can turn human, or that it's just straight up Marin, or if because Mipha is a Zora and Zora are sea creatures if they make her a familiar she can also join the Chain or heck even Nayru idk haven't thought that far ahead.

Legend: They're a Witch!

Sea Witch Player, feeding seagulls with Aryll: ... Yes? I did go to witch school in the witch world, and? Do you want to see my certificate and PhD in witchcraft or something?

One thing for sure is that if Sea Witch ever saw the Wind Fish fhey just straight up roll up their sleeves, go "Hold my staff and anchor earrings Rulie/Wild/Wind/Nat/Grandpa Tides" and just try to fistfight it, no magic involved, that or they'd be yelling expletives at it with at least one Chain or Passel/Singular (a group of hogs/boars) member holding them back from fighting it, bonus points if they do the same for Dark Link if they went through the same trauma Wada did or have moon trauma like Time too.

... Now I'm thinking about how the Chain or Ganons would react to Indie games, hm... Eh, maybe in another ask, Tides and Time would mentally adopt Niko from One Shot, or any child protagonists so fast I can literally see it, Time would literally feel smacked by Hello Charlotte and Undertale, and Legend would have a love-hate thing for both Omori, Yume Nikki and Dreamfarer and Hyrule would get so much trauma from Mad Father, gotta think of any other ones for another ask.

Anyway, happy holidays and hope you're having a better existence than I am currently!

-A Very Awkward and Tired Summertime Musician.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS SUMMER!

Also I'm so glad you're enjoying the Mess au right now it's literally all i can think about! Yes, Pastuzo is the pride and joy on the whole au now.

Also we gotta love witches, especially Sea Witch Player and all I'm saying is sharks are pretty great so Player having two familiars and once is a shark (more importantly whale shark because I love them)

Tbh, Tide I feel is an Animal Crossing lover (I know it's not an indie game but still), he enjoys the calmer life.

Also, don't worry! They will be meeting the Chain real soon :)

[bthump]

If you could rewrite Berserk (or maybe parts of it), what would you change? I love the way you interpret this story. The way you interpret this work, makes it so much more powerful, than how some other side of the fandom understand it.

thank you so much, i’m glad my interpretations resonate with you!

tbh my ideal version of Berserk is basically a much shorter story that begins with the Black Swordsman arc and ends on this shot:

more specifically I’d open on a similar panel of Guts fighting ghosts, seen far above, and alone. I’d include a version of the Lost Children arc in the Black Swordsman arc after chapter 2, between Snake Baron and Count Slug, also introducing Skull Knight. I’d make some kind of pointed visual comparison between Skull Knight and Vargas, illustrating that they’re both similarly consumed by revenge and cautionary tales for Guts.

This version of Lost Children is even sadder and more depressing - Jill and Rosine’s friendship is highlighted as positive, the scene where they fly together is beautiful and uplifting, and it’s suggested that if Jill did stay with Rosine her influence could remake the creepy Land of the Elves into less of a horror show and more of an actual place of refuge sans monster transformations. Yk, Rosine is open to Jill’s suggestions basically.

Guts still has his humanizing moments with Jill but he’s shown at his most monstrous too when he kills Rosine. Jill returning to her abusive home isn’t uplifting or hopeful, it’s tragic. Guts’ “this is your paradise” bit isn’t an objective statement, it’s a sign of Guts’ depressed cynicism and increasingly monstrous mindset. Oh and despite the Land of Elves being fucked up (in my version it would at least be sliiiiightly less fucked up), Guts destroying it would have some thematic echoes in the destruction of the Hawks. Maybe the raid we see on the Hawks after they’re declared traitors involves a lot more fire and forest burning down. Maybe some of the elf monster kids try to save each other and one of them gets Guts with a thrown knife lol a la Judeau protecting Casca. Idk, something.

Also the Peekaf story is cut, as is Rosine’s tragic flight home, as emotional as it was in the manga. She dies with Jill here. I’m kinda downplaying the dreams as escapes theme wrt Jill’s flight with Rosine and the land of the elves because I don’t think it works in this arc due to, yk, the alternative being abusive homes.

Afterwards ghosts still taunt Guts about becoming like Femto, but without the “your friend” description bc that gives too much away. Skull Knight picks up Rosine’s behelit and has his suggestive “hm this could be Guts eventually” internal monologue even though Guts doesn’t have a behelit yet.

Count Slug arc is essentially the same. I would turn the fetus into some kind of pathetic looking misshapen dog demon (like the Beast of Darkness but in much less cool form, bc that’s essentially what the fetus was before Miura overwrote it) who follows Guts around and reminds him of what he’s in danger of becoming. Guts picking up Slug’s behelit is the last shot before the Golden Age begins.

Theresia is a more angry version of Jill, and they’re both examples of Black Swordsman Guts ruining lives wherever he goes, along with the zombie girl in chapter 2 - it’s all variations on a theme of Guts sort of creating mini versions of himself bc of his traumatized lashing out. Zombie kid is most metaphorical in becoming a monster after listening to Guts’ cynical take on dying by the sword; Jill goes back to her abusive Gambino-esque father when her potential escape, Rosine, is killed; Theresia swears vengeance when Guts kills her father who couldn’t sacrifice her to save himself.

(this mini me thing would parallel Slug and Rosine’s abilities to create their own monsters, btw. Cycle of violence kinda thing.)

Everything else follows the manga up until Guts and Casca start getting romancey. I’d cut that out completely. They can have a burgeoning friendship but there’s no romantic undertones and no sex and no meddling Judeau etc. Casca still fights Guts and stabs him and yells at him about Griff but there’s no sucide attempt. She still confesses to her crush on Griffith because it’s a good griffguts parallel, but definitely doesn’t say she was lying to Guts and herself when she said she wanted to be Griffith’s sword. But I do want that “Griffith’s not a god... and I am a woman” line in there because it’s such a good parallel.

Guts monologues about his newfound dream to Godo in a flashback during the Wyald fight instead, then does the waterfall log thing and breaks several bones, then gets told off by Erika who points out he just wants to fight Zodd again. I’d maybe move some of Godo’s lines about Guts metaphorically being a nicked sword to here too. Also show the dragonslayer leaning up against a wall lol.

Guts still tells Casca at some point that he fully intends to leave again. Maybe during the rescue mission. Because yk we still need that moment where Griffith overhears someone telling Guts to leave.

Finally the last change is that Casca dies with Judeau, Guts manages to survive until Femto wakes up, they have a moment staring each other down, there’s a clear parallel to a moment of Guts’ childhood - I’m thinkin Guts asks “Why?” and there’s a shot of Femto, shadowed so we only see one eye, a la:

Apostles begin to descend on Guts chanting shit like ‘sacrifice’ and ‘ours,’ (comparison to bb!Guts facing down the wolves btw, Guts is resigned) and then Skull Knight appears and rescues him and we get that last shot of Femto.

The End.

The implication is that Guts and Griffith are alone and monstrous without each other, violence begets violence, relationships are a positive contrast to that but they keep fucking those up, etc. There would still be a slight ray of hope though in comparisons to Jill/Rosine and Slug’s inability to sacrifice Theresia, and Femto lowering his hand, showing that, yk, even monsters have potential. It would be a very thin ray though bc Guts killed those monsters lol so the implication would still be that Guts is kind of doomed to roam the world alone with his sword like Skull Knight or Zodd.

Also... I’d fuck around with the world building and astral plane stuff because Guts and Femto being metaphysically separated doesn’t work for this. I want that thin ray of hope even if it necessarily comes to nothing lol, if only because if I was alternate universe Miura I’d want people to write Femto/apostle Guts fanfic. So no mention that the Godhand can only appear when someone uses a behelit, maybe even imply somehow that Femto could show himself to Guts at any time, he’s just snubbing him.

Anyway yeah, ty for asking.

also if you’re interested I once wrote a very long and involved post here about what I’d change if I had free range to adapt Berserk if you want a longer answer with more details that follows the actual story much more closely (including a less involved take on my answer here lol).

[thoschei-rights]

Even more Who Fic ideas I can’t write bc I’m lazy

Okay maybe not lazy- I don’t think I’m lazy? I just really struggle keeping attention, and after a paragraph I’m bored? I struggle to stick with thing?? Idk? I dunno how to explain- but yeah take my ideas and run with them if you like them?? Heck if you write them, hit me up, and I’ll literally link them in this post <3

Okay so some of these exist already but they’re all mostly text fics? But can we please have more Eleven/Dhawan!Master fics?? I think the fandom has mostly just accepted their original meeting was while he was Eleven because he’s the only New Who Doctor not to have a Master Post-Ten? (Look I bolded post-ten so yall don’t think I’m ignoring Nine and The War Doc??) Can we not have the Master lowkey flirting with Eleven and Eleven being flustered af bc Eleven was a baby :’) Idk? I just- I have no excuses haha

This is an idea Ive had for a while, because I like River and y’know? Space Wives?? Please? :’) But anyway, my biggest love would be Thirteen in the Library episodes? Thirteen lowkey infiltrating the exploration squad or whatever the fudge they were called, she could pass as a normal person albeit a bit eccentric? Because River definitely doesn’t know that face if the Husbands of River Song is anything to go by? Thirteen promising herself she’s not there to get involved or change anything, she’s just there to see River one more time- but then Oop- she get’s involved gg :’) Its up to you how much she changes, if anything gets overwritten? Go crazy yo-

This prompt contains Broadchurch S2 spoilers btw Okay this one is a crossover? Sorry. Normally I’m not a crossover person, I just don’t like them most of the time unless they’re really well written? I read an amazing D:BH x Marvel crossover once?? ANYWAY. I’m going off on one... Broadchurch x Who fics aren’t rare.. but ones including Thirteen are hella rare and it makes me so sad?? But anyway, I finished season 2 the other day and lol at they end, Paul is all like lol bye Joe off to Sheffield you go... and I’m just there fucking screaming? Imagine right? Joe is just chilling in Sheffield being the shitstain that he is? And he sees Thirteen? and he’s like? fuck? what? help? Extra points if she’s being super gay with Yaz or she’s lowkey with the Master :’) but either way Joe is pissing himself bc he’s like holy fuck i’m being haunted or karma or- idk :’) extra extra points if Thirteen spots this random human staring and thinks he’s being homophobic or racist or smth and she lowkey gives him a glare and hESHJBF,DJKBFHDHJKFSDG I’m fine. fuck. i’m honestly fine. Joe deserves jail thanks he made my baby cry :ccc

nOW I have that out of the way- iMAgine lets kill hitler but when River gives him her regenerative shizzle, it heals him yes, but he also regenerates into Twelve? bc by this point the ponds have witnessed Mels > River regeneration so they’re aware of the concept? but now? their young energetic puppy of a doctor is a grumpy scot? and they’re whiplash af? but they aren’t the type to get judgemental? bc he’s still the doctor? I think if the ponds ever had to deal with a regen, they’re definitely in the group that would be accepting and wouldn’t taken ten years to get over it (LOOKING AT YOU CLARA YOU MEANIE???) Rory having a mid-life crisis bc now he has TWO anger scot peoples 

Clara breaking Thirteen out of prison bc we’ve all seen the Jack versions but hi Clara can’t get back to Gallifrey to be put back in her timestream if iTS ALL DESTROYED SO IS SHE IMMORTAL??/ Anyway yeah Clara is like lmao psyche I’m gonna go save the dork from prison bc ur not telling me she doesn’t keep tabs on him? pft. Thirteen is like woah holy shit Clara? and Clara is like woah holy shit yoU REMEMBER ME AND YOU’RE GORGEOUS AND WOAH SHIT NOW IM GAY?? :’) and then Jack bursts in and he’s like oh i was late which one of you are the doctor- :’) 

Asylum of the Daleks except Eleven literally takes Dalek Oswin with him? and news spreads among the universe? the doctor and a dalek> traveling? together? it causes the biggest shOOKETH in the history of shOOKETHs? imagine landing places and peoples reactions to a fuCKING DaleK OH SHIT WE GON DIE but then woah?? a literal sassy female-sounding dalek? hi bye wtf? Yes. We stan Dalek Oswin.

Thasmin bc I need to make sure yall know deSPITE THE USERNAME I DO ACTUALLY DIE FOR THASMIN TOO YKNOW??? anyway, the house-tardis (housis) likes Yaz, bc everyone likes Yaz, have you met her? she’s precious? we love? anyway the housis takes Yaz to the Doctor bc Yaz is lowkey begging bc she needs to save her- she doesn’t know what happens but- she hopes and- anyway the housis takes her to prison and yeet Yaz is a badass and breaks her out? Thirteen is like woAH im gay af when Yaz deadass throws a guard over her shoulder or smth and she’s like I DONT APPROVE OF TH E VIOLEN C E but she’s also gay crisis af :’) we just have lots of prison break alternatives in this church

Can i throw in another broadchurch crossover? I like these... The Master escapes the Kasaavin realm and ends up in Broadchurch? He’s bare confused why everyone looks like the doctor or his/her/their human pets :’) he lowkey does double takes every two seconds. without a tardis he’s forced to live as a human for a bit, while trying to contact the doctor, bc as much as he doesnt wanna admit it, he needs her to give him a lift to his tardis lmao- anyway she eventually turns up and idk , everything falls to shit bc the general public are so confused bc now there’s two beths :’)

the fam end up in petes world after a shitshow in the votex :’) maybe someone crashes into them (lol probably the master being a bish) and yep. thirteen is like o shit nope i cant do this- but the fam wanna explore, so she can’t refuse. and ofc, cliche af but oFC THEY RUN INTO ROSE? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? WE NEED BLONDE BABIES TOGETHER THANKS? maybe thirteen is trying to pretend to be normal and human and its a disaster and the fam are confused but play along, maybe they’re dragged into an alien issue and its all running and shit? maybe meta doc is dead? maybe thirteen wants to tell rose who she is so bad but? she cant? things are so different now? she’s changed so much> she’s scared? jkhflkjhg precious- but yeah take it as you wANT YO

the fam meeting missy. you can set missy pre-dhawan, post-dhawan, I’m not bothered? personally I really like post-dhawan but it’s fine. the fam are like oo whose this aND IT DOESNT CONNECT THEY’RE THE MASTER BC MISSY IS A NORMAL NAME SO THEY DONT THINK- but then it comes to light and they’re like HYJKFGUIGFDSLUHGSUHL maybe they’re angry and confrontational, maybe they’re defensive and shook?? i dunno but missy and fam are the dream squad thanks-

same as last time, this has lots of typos and gramatical errors, shit punctuation and half the time i forgot to capatalize... BUT i lowkey have a big ass bandage around a finger on my left hand and its hard to type- (i was a numpty and cut a bit off my finger at work) SO YEAH I HAVE AN EXCUSE- ?? haha jokes im just a mess... but yeah I’ll fix this post up evenbtually... 

[oveliagirlhaditright]

So... Honest question: Have you ever seen an adaptation that had one element you wished the source material had, but did everything else wrong?

You are tapping into my vast knowledge of book adaptations, friend. At first when I read this ask, I thought I had nothing. But now I think I have quite a bit. Here we go:

Twilight (I know you don’t like it–I think–and I get that. Neither does the world. But you asked this question about any adaptation. And I have one here that follows that ask, so I’m going to list it, if that’s okay:)) Tbh… I think the movie series did more right than just one thing… But that being said, I have more issues with the films than I have things I like about them (I think the books are better). But an example of the films being better than the books in one area–while I don’t like a lot of the rest–is this one line from the Eclipse film, that even Stephenie says she likes better there. Basically, in the books I (and Stephenie) feel like Bella got into this long, unnecessary rant about how Edward is contradicting himself (about the fight with the Newborns apparently being easy) and should stay with Bella if it is). In the movie, she gets this across in one easy line: “Okay, either it’s so hard that I should be with you to help out as much as I can, or it’s easy enough that your family should be fine if you bowed out… I think it’s dangerous for us to be apart. How many times to we have to prove that?” Paraphrasing here.

The Host made the good decision to show more of what The Seeker was doing in it–which is an improvement from the book–but they also ironically showed her too much, and this became the movie’s downfall for me (because all her screentime took away from building up other things that were important), so I sadly don’t really like this movie… Which is a shame, because it should have been great. Say what you will about Twilight, but many will say that The Host is actually a phenomenal book by Stephenie Meyer. And it is… And this good plot had a great cast, a wonderful director… and it still fell apart because of this one choice.

I liked The Vampire Diaries show actually giving the cast more of a personality, which is one of the things I will write home about the show and say that it did better (the book characters felt like cardboard to me. And never more did I feel this, than when they sat down to have a picnic at the beginning of book five–when everything was finally peaceful–and I thought they’d have a normal chat, and I’d finally know more about the characters them… only for them to go right into, “So, has anyone noticed anything weird about the town lately?” -face palm-). But the show was just way too different from the books for me to even give it a chance. It wasn’t The Vampire Diaries. And since it wasn’t, it just made me mad every time I tried to watch it until I gave up.

Gossip Girl… Though to be fair, with this one I don’t dislike the show. And I don’t know which I prefer–the books or the show, if either–because I haven’t read enough of the novels to tell. That being said, the show is quite different from the source material… But it doesn’t really bother me. And what change I actually liked for the show, was them deciding to make Chuck Bass an actually decent human (eventually) being instead of leaving him the ultimate asshole that the books did.

The Mortal Instruments… Shadowhunters has the perfect cast–way better than the movie’s one, in a lot of ways–so the show should partly have it easy just because of that… but it doesn’t (in my opinion. I know a lot of people love Shadowhunters). And for me the cast is the only thing the show has going for it.

The first Percy Jackson movie–The Lightning Thief–is a great family film if you haven’t read the books… and that’s it. And if you have read the books, oh boy.

I’m a weird Divergent fan (if I can even call myself that. As I really don’t like this series that much), in that most people loved the first movie and had issues with the second one (we won’t talk about the terrible third, that I’ve never seen and never will) but I’m the opposite. The first movie did make less changes to the source material, it’s true, but for some reason the changes they did make drove me nuts. And Insurgent (the sequel) had even more changes that made people mad, but I was oddly okay with these ones and preferred them (because I had a lot of issues with Insurgent the book and Tris in it… Though maybe I’d somewhat change my tune now. Because having Tris deal with the trauma of not being able to touch guns after one killed her mother probably would have been good to keep in the adaptation, instead of just making her full of rage and violence)… And sadly, these changes I liked did lead into the awful third movie becoming what it was…

I feel like most Phantom of the Opera adaptations are pretty bad in one way or another. But the one good thing they (arguably) have going for them, is how they always (mostly) make the Phantom sympathetic, the way that Leroux wanted him to be.

Beastly… Beastly’s a movie I don’t know if I love or hate, or if I’m somewhere in between with it. In some ways, I think them changing the ending–to it being simpler, and Kyle just admitting he didn’t think anyone could love him to a Lindy who finally admits that she does–does fit the story better… But at the same time, I also hate that they changed the original ending (though it is an alternate ending of it on the DVD, though sadly it’s acted horribly for some reason), where Lindy is kidnapped and held at gunpoint by the men who were threatening her dad and Kyle has to save her and gets hurt and nearly dies in the process (a closer version to the Disney ending). IDK. I’m really at a loss with this one. 

Maximum Ride is just… an abysmal movie. It is. There’s no other way to put it. And it’s so sad. But I guess what do you expect when it’s a Netflix one? But James Patterson was actually heavily involved with it… But then again, you look and see what he did to his own series via the books, is it really a surprise he fucked this up? The only good part in this movie is Max being so very much Max, when she has to go save the girl who’s being bullied–Ella–despite Fang telling her not to (ala the novel). That’s it.

Edit: I’m also adding Game of Thrones to this list, because while it did more than one thing right (arguably. Though it’s kind of hard for me to even believe that now), it’s clear that D&D never had a good grasp at all on some of the core stuff with A Song of Ice and Fire. Like, it’s not supposed to be as bleak as they made it. Yes: one of the messages is that being a good person can get you killed. But at the same time, one of the other messages is that if you’re a terrible person… no one will like you, and they’ll remember the crap that you do, and eventually they will get their vengeance on you. They also played down all the heavy symbolism, dreams, and prophecy that George has laid out in his books, because apparently “symbolism is for eighth grade book reports”. And they mishandled most of the female characters. Like, Catelyn is actually supposed to be a pretty good military strategist... and yet they changed most of her scenes into her crying about her children.

[queerbycrs]

so... i’m not finished writing this yet, but since apparently the idea is So Popular going by @iamalivenow‘s post, i thought i’d... lay out the basis of my the magnus archives good place au? vague spoilers up to current canon of tma (ep 120) and definite spoilers up to the end of s2 of the good place

my basic thought, at first, was that this isn’t a “full” tgp fusion -- it would incorporate elements of tma canon, and involve various kinds of amnesia. so, the characters are tormented by not remembering bits of their lives, or remembering things that line up wrong, or having flashes of memory that don’t make sense.

so, in this au, the characters already knew each other in ways that are similar but not identical to canon. that’s part of the reason elias-as-michael is so confident it’ll work out: that idiot michael just threw together some humans and hoped they’d click perfectly horribly. these people have history, and it’ll torment them or just be informational, as required.

so, elias is michael, obviously. pre-redemption. (my thought for this is that the torture actually works so it never proceeds to the actual plot of tgp s2-onwards, so no need to figure out how it would work with elias. alternately, the humans go off through the afterlife without architectural assistance. who knows)

i’m not set on who janet is, but i might go with the suggestion of distortion? because that sounds hilarious, honestly

and there are def soulmates in this au, because it makes things ALL THE MORE PAINFUL. from most-to-least solidly formed ideas:

basira and daisy. basira remembers a picture-perfect life on earth, fifty years of marriage, dying in each other’s arms.

daisy remembers being a serial killer and trying to hide it for years until basira caught on and daisy killed her in a fit of rage, and spent the rest of her life regretting it.

neither of them have accurate recollections. but according to their first day in the good place, basira is correct, and daisy doesn’t know what the hell is going on or why she’s here, with the love of her life, who she thought she killed in the biggest mistake of her life.

(basira prolllllllllly doesn’t belong in the bad place, but elias prolly just snatched her up for his Evil Plans. no one better to torture daisy with, right?)

next: martin and jon. they remember working together, in... an archive? or something? and martin was in love with jon, and jon was oblivious.

well, the official matchmaking systems of the afterlife have chosen! you’re the perfect match for each other! have fun!

martin is completely blissed out at first! it’s wonderful! he spent all those years in hopeless love, and now he gets to spend eternity with the man he thought could never love him back!

and at first, jon is actually... okay with it? he’s a little nervous, because he’s never had a relationship that didn’t crash and burn (okay, sample size of one, but that says a lot in and of itself) but it feels so easy, at first, and it’s... okay. it’s nice.

but then his memories start to get... weird. he has dreams of the archive where he worked, except it’s... different. he remembers worms, and running, and a man’s body on the floor of his office.

he remembers a tape recorder, and he starts recording here, too. just in case.

eventually, as jon’s paranoia starts to build and build, things start going bad for martin, too: he’s having nightmares too, of worms and crushing loneliness, and jon is retreating and won’t talk to him, and this cute older guy who works at the kayak rental/canoe group/scuba-diving-but-without-equipment-because-we’re-dead-and-don’t-need-to-breathe place keeps hitting in him and he’s kind of into it and he feels Really Bad about it

and then i get to, like, melanie and tim and georgie, and in this version of the au i don’t know what to do with them, so i would probably pair up melanie and tim -- their respective responses to stress don’t work well together, at All, so i guess if the tension started turning up they’d probably torture each other pretty effectively.

which leaves georgie. and i’m thinking, maybe elias just doesn’t know how to torture her. she was added to his carefully-planned group without advance notice (probably as a test, those goddamn suits in the department don’t understand how difficult and complicated this is--) and so he just. tells her that her soul is perfectly complete on its own, and she has the admiral for company, but she doesn’t have a soulmate.

georgie’s like, sweet. she can live her best life (afterlife) and hang out with her cat that will be with her forever! this is awesome.

(the admiral probably died of natural causes a few years before, after living a full and very happy life; it got a lovely afterlife until georgie arrived and they got to hang out again. this is how it is for all pets. don’t @ me you know i’m right and i will not take suggestions)

it’s not perfect, because elias just keeps throwing Problems at her to see what’ll stick. but she’s doing pretty good.

alternately:

basira/daisy, and

jon/tim. tim’s reaction to jon’s paranoia is probably a lot more external than martin’s is, which probably leads to some nasty fights. jon probably thinks tim is turning against him, it’s a whole big mess. tim might get seduced away a couple times to increase his guilt and add some depth to their bad relationship, because this is Literal Hell.

melanie/georgie, because Wrench Thrown Into Plan, had to make some adjustments. there’s probably some memory mismatch and external pressure, but it’s not too bad.

martin is a complete person who needs no soulmate to make his afterlife perfect. not a monk, like jason (elias scoffs at the heavy-handedness, the unsubtlety of that.) just perfectly fulfilled in solitude.

he probably gets fully seduced by peter lukas, aka mr. “kayak rental/canoe group/scuba-diving-but-without-equipment-because-we’re-dead-and-don’t-need-to-breathe place” guy. and then there’s a lot of, “oh god this was a mistake what will we tell our soulmates” from peter (externally) and a lot of “i’m going to be alone for literal eternity and even my hookup doesn’t know about it, because it’s so unusual to not have a soulmate” from martin (internally.)

looking at it now, version 1 does seem better and more thought-out, so if i do actually progress with this i’ll prolly go with that. but hey, if someone wants to run with version 2... (or one, idc really) please do, i will love it.

SO. onto: demons!

you know in the beginning of tgp season 2, when michael is doing the pep talks to the demons and one of them keeps asking if he can bite the humans?

okay, that, but with jane prentiss

she just wants to infect them. just a lil. just a few worms in their houses, even

(elias screams internally. why are his demons so incompetent.)

nikola is a mannequin in the windows of one of the stores in the cute little town. she moves... just a little bit... whenever you look away (like a weeping angel.) she probably shows up in people’s houses in the middle of the night and stands at the foot of their beds. when elias is asked about it, he assures them that it was just a nightmare.

there are so many spiders in this afterlife. martin loves it. nearly everyone else... does not.

jude perry owns a pizza place with a classic pizza oven. it’s... weirdly hot in there? (”she spent all her years on earth perfecting this pizza,” elias explains to someone who feels like they’re dying of heatstroke. “she adapted to the heat. it would be cruel to take it away from her.”)

the pizza is delicious, once it’s burned the roof of your mouth to bloody strips

mike crew runs the skydiving/flying place. the humans don’t understand why it’s so painful and weird when they do it. they’re clearly just doing it wrong! why don’t they try again. and again.

not!sasha is there, and sasha isn’t. (i don’t know, i can’t think of how it would work.) (maybe she kept throwing a wrench in elias’s plans so he didn’t want her in his neighbourhood.) she’s soulmates with some random demon and is probably out there, idk, tormenting people with weird uncanny valley.

she runs a wax museum, like the museum in tgp s2, when the gang goes to the real bad place and it has plaques for the first person to do some petty bad thing (telling a woman to smile, sending an unprompted dick pic, flossing in an open-concept workplace, etc.) the wax figures also move in creepy ways, just a little bit.

i’m sure once i write this i’ll flesh out more of the demons, but one last thing:

who is mindy st. clair, you ask?

my answer is: it’s not one person. it’s gertrude and gerry.

but how, you ask? isn’t that like, a really special, one-time thing?

well, dear reader, for one thing, points and afterlife designations work differently in this au than they do in tgp, for practical reasons of getting all the characters i care about into hell. and also, the system doesn’t make sense.

so gertrude and gerry either a) both evened out the points (and medium places aren’t very uncommon) or b) this is an au where you can be “claimed” by the good place or the bad place at random, and neither place wanted them. either/or.

the thing is, though, that the medium place is not meant to be torture. and for the vast majority of people, being alone for eternity with only the most mediocre entertainment and literally nothing to do? is torture.

for mindy, she was incredibly self-centred; being alone is fine. she doesn’t mind being around other people for short periods of time, and she probably wants to get laid, but she’s okay in her own company.

most people are not. and obviously we don’t actually know much about gertrude and gerry’s relationship, but what i’m going to guess is that they didn’t hate each other, or especially like each other, but they aren’t each other’s favourite person, either.

thus, the best person to spend eternity with for absolute mediocrity, they can both be alone when they want and also have company when they need to not go completely off the deep end.

and that’s what i have so far.

and here’s a bonus if you read this far: i also started writing a tgp magnus archives au, where michael (tgp michael) got the gang together in s3 by sending them all to the magnus institute to give a statement. i have most of eleanor’s statement written. still not sure what i want to do with it, but there you go: fusion-ception, an au both ways.

[paradox-oflife]

q and a part 6 pls ignore

1. Who was your favourite teacher at school and why? My 9th grade Lit teacher. She was the kindest soul I’ve ever met.

2. Whats your favourite party game? I LOVE MAFIA. I’m not talking about basic mafia. You gotta play upgraded versions. I personally love playing one called One Night Ultimate Werewolf. I also like playing the law version which is made for super big groups - There’s police involved, and they choose the mafia. The person accused can hire lawyers who defend them. The police have to present their reasoning, and the lawyers have to figure out how to prove them wrong. God it’s basically Danganronpa isn’t it.

3. Is it acceptable or unacceptable to smack a child as form of discipline? Now this is controversial, and understandably so.  I personally would never hit my child and yell at them. But for other people, if it’s a light smack, like a pat, I guess it’s alright. But otherwise nothing harder than that.

4. Can a hetrosexual male ever wear pink? Um, yes??? Do what you want man.

5. Is it criminal to wear socks with sandals? Listen I’ve seen too many people wear these in public to the point where I’m numb to it.

6. If you were captain of a ship, what would you call it? Make it an obscure video game reference or an inside joke. 

7. If you were to join an emergency service which would it be? Probably the medical side of things, like an EMT. Or a firefighter. EMT’s go through a lot of pressure.

8. If you were to join one of the armed forced which would it be? Maybe coast guard. But I really would not want to join the military. I’m too sensitive. If people yell at me I’d probably cry lol. And there’s the colorblind test.

9. Whats the worst thing about being your gender? Periods. And the pain of child birth. Also how it’s scary to walk alone at night sometimes.

10. Whats the best thing about being your gender? Of course this doesn’t apply to everyone, but I feel like sometimes the friendships girls have are more emotional than boys.

11. If you swapped genders for a day how would you spend it? Honestly? Just observe my body. Not in a sexual manner but like, how does it feel like to not have boobs? How does it feel to have a dick???

12. If you were exiled what country would you choose as your new home? I’m moving back to New Zealand lol. I already have a passport and family there. Or maybe Canada if I don’t want a big culture difference

13. Have you ever made someone cry? Yeah :( Not through verbal attack though. I accidentally kicked a football into a girl’s face.

14. Have you ever starred in a school play? In the first elementary school I went to, it was mandatory to do a play. So yes. Three, actually.

15. Were you a member of any celebrity fanclub? Nope

16. Have you ever been a member of any other club? Yes! Animal Services and Protection, CSF (volunteering stuff), Martial Arts

17. If you could have a full scholarship to any university what would you choose to study? The university I’m going to rn

18. Whats been your greatest ever day? I have a lot. One of my favorites was going to an amusement park at the end of middle school. Had a blast.

19. What historical period would you like to live in if you could go back in time? Hmm... Maybe during the Age of Enlightment?

20. What would you bring along to an idillic picnic? My friends, no phones, music, and a sandwich.

21. Whats your favourite childrens story? Does Harry Potter count? I guess not really. When i was little I loved Geronimo Stilton LMAO

22. What movie ending really frustrated you? And how would you change it? The Mist. I mean, it frustrated me not because it was bad, but because it was so FRUSTRATING.

23. What three things do you think of most each day? Now we’re in quarantine, “I wonder how my friends are doing?” “What am I doing with my life?” “Will life be the same?”

24. What do you call your evening meal? Dinner Tea or Supper? Dinner

25. What do you call your after meal sweet? Pudding or Dessert? Dessert. I usually just have a fruit

26. If you had a warning label, what would yours say? “Warning! Certified Grade A Clown!”

27. Have you ever got sweet revenge on anyone? Can’t really think of one

28. Have you ever been to a live concert? aaaah no i really want to though

29. Have you ever been to see stand up comedy? It was a long time ago on a cruise. It was pretty funny :D

30. Have you ever needed stitches? Yup. If you observe closely, you can see a faint scar near my eye. If it was a bit more obvious I’d look like an anime villain lol

31. If you could invent brand new baby names what would they be? LMAO imagine naming your child like, Fire Emblem names. “Hi yes this is my baby, um, his name is Chrom”

32. Do your dreams ever tell you to do anything? I have the most bizarre dreams. They’re super vivid. They range from me summoning tornados, to me being killed in some Danganronpa world. I dreamed of a school shooting once and a couple days later some other school in my state had a shooting

33. Who's your favourite radio 1 DJ? I don’t really listen to radio lol

34. Whats the best way to your heart? Be a good person. Have good morals.

35.  Do you know your own mobile phone number off by heart? Um yes??? 

36. If you were a fashion designer, what style of clothing or accessories would you design? Just comfortable hoodies that don’t change when you wash it.

37. Do you ever laugh at things you shouldn't? I laugh when I’m nervous. Like I go like, “hahahawhat the hell”. I also laugh when I’m shocked.

38. Have you ever been in a submarine? Yes! But it wasn’t underwater.

39. Have you ever walked out of a cinema before the film was done? Nope. 

40. What song would you say best sums you up? Eeeh i can’t decide but Read my Mind by the Killers. Their music video. When he’s twitching his arms, but he’s acting like everything’s fine.

41. Do you have any old friends would wish you could meet up with again? Yeah :( I had a super super close friend from 4th grade and we slowly drifted apart. By the time of high school we just stopped. I want to be friends with her again :((( I really miss her

42. Whats your favourite Nursery Rhyme? Idk... ring around a rosy maybe just because the context of the lyrics lol

43. Do you prefer metric or imperial measurements? Of course I’d take metric over imperial, but I’m used to it by now.

44. Who's your favourite monarch of all time?Queen Elizabeth I

45. What was the last thing you ate? These Asian things called Zong Zi in Chinese. I’m pretty sure like every country has their own version of it lol/

46. Whats your favourite farmyard animal? I love baby chickens but cows for me I guess

47. If you could choose one celebrity to be the father/mother of your child who would it be? Just someone who’s caring. Tyler Joseph

48. What would you do if someone proposed to you tomorrow? If it’s someone I like, then I’d freak out. Because I’m way too young for it.

49. What are your 3 favourite internet sites? Reddit, youtube, and uh... tumblr or wikipedia. I use tumblr mobile way often

50. How high can you jump? Never measured but definitely not that high

51. Which fictional character do you wish was real? aw man i would say a character but then that would imply their universe exists

52. Who was your first crush? PHFFT IT WAS probably Marshall Lee from the genderbent episodes of Adventure Time.

53. Whats the greatest thing about being your nationality? The food

54. Whats the least greatest thing about being your nationality? Having to explain the difference between Taiwan and China. Like. It’s understandable.

55. Do you believe in destiny, fate or free will? I kinda correlate destiny with fate. It’s a bit paradoxical. We have free will to do whatever we want, but whatever choice you make will end up being your “destiny”

56. If you could talk to one species of animal which would it be? Dogs. They just seem so happy all the time. I want to tell my dog I love him so much.

57. If you had friends round what DVD's would you have to watch? Mean Girls, Heathers, Legally Blonde, or Daria

58. Do you like vanilla or chocolate? Vanilla>>> fight me

59. Are you a giver or a receiver? Both

60. Do you have any enemies? Yeah. Me.

61. Are you scared of needles? YES YES YES

62. How many piercings do you have? Nah I was going to get my ears pierced a while ago but something came up so ever since I’ve jsut haven’t gotten it done

63. Have you ever got majorly lost trying to get somewhere? yes it was scary. Had to use google maps because I have a terrible sense of direction

64. How fast can you say the alphabet? 4 seconds

65. Do you say "Zee" or "Zed" to describe the letter Z? Zee

66. What was the last thing to make you feel happy? My dog fell asleep at my feet and I couldn’t move for the past hour but I love him

67. What was the last thing to make you feel angry? A friend of mine. I love her and all but she takes a week to respond to my texts. And I’m tired of waiting.

68. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you're fired. Do you save the dog? Okay realistically I immediately call animal control or the nearest vet or something. But in some alternate universe I’d take pictures as proof, grab the dog, then get it out.

69. Are you the kind of friend you'd want to have as a friend yourself? I perceive myself as a not so great person. But my friends perceive me as a good person. So yeah. i mean, I might not text first sometimes but if smoeone texted me I’d always respond asap!

70. Do you have any questions or queries about things you're just to scared or embarrassed to ask anyone about? Do my friends like me as much as I like them? I’m so scared of that

71. If you were a wrestler what would your stage name be? and what would your special move be called? Haha maybe like Paradoxical (yes thats my blizzard tag) I’d do something like a shihonage

72. Whats the most interesting thing you can see out of your nearest window? A cat

73. Do you think Barbie is a negative role model for young girls? There’s a lot of Barbie models out there. I don’t think they’re completely bad. But there’s negative things.

74. Have you ever needed an eye test? Don’t have glasses so no. But I might need some soon at the rate of time i spend on electronics

75. Do you find yourself attractive? No. I’m just. Average.

76. Can you roll your R's? Yes

77. What social class do you consider yourself or your family background to be in? Upper middle class

78. Do you know any magic tricks? I used to but I never execute them well enough to convince anyone lol

79. Whats the largest amount of money you've ever won? I ever won? Probably like, $100 lol

80. Whats the largest amount of money you've spent in one spree? $200, if we’re not talking necessities.

81. Whats the largest amount of money you've had to borrow off of a friend or family member? I don’t borrow money. But the most from a friend was like $20 maybe.

82. Have you ever been on a cable car? Yeah, San Francisco is known for that stuff. But I’ve only been on one like, twice.

83. Do you prefer Honey or Jam? Jam! But I like honey too.

84. Do you prefer the French or Germans? Uuuuh, French?

85. How fast can you get changed? Pretty damn fast, if we’re talking my normal outfit.

86. How fast do you type? Around 98 wpm

87. How fast can you run? I’m a decent sprinter. I got 12 seconds on a 100m dash.

88. Which is better, Mario or Sonic? Mario. But both are cool

89. Whats your favourite biscuit to dunk? (im assuming british biscuit but in that case idk)

90. Which would you rather have if you had to, a broken leg or a broken arm? Arm. I like walking around.

91. Do you read a daily newspaper? Nah

92. Do you watch the news on TV? Sometimes

93. Have you ever had anything published? Nope

94. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really. I mean, Romeo and Juliet, and Frozen has warned us right

95. How many remote controls do you have in your house? Two.

96. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Yes, and it’s hella

97. Have you ever had chicken pox? Nope. Vaccines rock

98. Do you own a lava lamp? Nah, it seems cool but I’d be too mesmerized by it

[fireinclined-archive]

SERIOUS CASSANDRA HEADCANONS

cassandra’s enemies

so the first should be obvious: any capellan that finds out cassandra was one of the people who unleashed atlas. not everyone’s gonna be as understanding as vivi, and there are a lot of capellans that would do anything to have someone to pin all the blame on.

second of all: leftover members of a cult that kills augurs. winfrid was killed by them, and cassandra was nearly killed by a member of that cult too. it took all of her allies (keandra, paola, jayjay, owl, and brooklyn) to protect her while she was. you know recovering.

third: okay so while cassandra was on pyrrah there was an attempted coup?? and of course because cassandra was bffs with the queen and keandra was the queen’s little brother they helped stop it. so idk if people are still mad about that they might come after her.

and finally- here’s the big one, because this. is actually going to happen when i rewrite season one: we’re gonna call the scientist who created jayjay and owl dr. h. cassandra left dr. h’s fate in the hands of jayjay and owl, and they decided to have her be put on trial and thrown in jail, for reasons that i will discuss when i talk about jayjay and owl. one of dr. h’s allies comes after cassandra for revenge or as part of some scheme she has with dr. h.  i won’t say what exactly happens, but. it’s not good for cassandra.

but yeah, those are the people/enemies that might come after cassandra

earth’s gravity

okay so, because earth’s gravity is so much weaker than capella’s, cassandra will wake up some nights, usually disoriented by her visions, and feel almost completely weightless- like she’s just going to fly off the surface of the earth. this is a terrifying experience for cassandra- despite the fact that she loves floating in her ship’s gravity chamber, the feeling like she’s going to fly right off the earth is so scary because she has no control over it.

if she’s sleeping alone, she’ll grab the edges of the mattress, as if trying to keep herself from flying away. if she’s with splinter, she’ll usually accidentally wake him up when she wakes up, and ask him to either hold her or lay on her. the feeling of his arms holding her tightly or the weight of his body on top of her makes her feel grounded. he’ll usually whisper affirmations to her (”you’re safe, you’re alright, this is real, i’m here, nothing’s going to harm you”) until she relaxes enough to fall back asleep.

does cassandra get jealous?

it depends, really. cassandra tends to get sad jealous rather than angry jealous (’oh, of course they don’t love me, who could love someone like me, they’ll be happier with them, etc etc). and it does take quite a bit to get her to despair like that: if her s/o is just hanging out with someone else or someone’s flirting with them, and she feels secure in their relationship, she’s fine with it. they can take care of themselves (usually).

however she DOES get angry jealous in amnesiac!splinter verse, because they AREN’T together, and she’s terrified that he’ll fall in love when he has amnesia, and when he gets his memories back, he’ll love that other person more than her.

cassandra & sarcasm 

all versions of cassandra can get pretty hurt by sarcasm. there’s a fine line between what cassandra interprets as joking around, and what she is actually hurt by. i’d say cassalyn and snowball are the most sensitive about it, because cassandra’s pretty used to because of paola’s very sarcastic nature.

how does cassandra grieve?

she’ll isolate herself, mostly, and usually go from surrounding herself with things that remind her of/belonged to the person she’s grieving to getting as far away from anything that reminds her of them as possible.

(in verses where splinter dies, this would mean that cassandra goes from staying locked in splinter’s room for days, only to alternate to staying in her apartment for days on end)

cassandra will rarely speak and rarely eat, and honestly the only who can get her to take care of herself is paola.

i keep saying that in these situation it’s only paola who can get cassandra to take care of herself, and that’s mostly because paola knows how cassandra grieves and how to deal with it. cassandra was practically lifeless after dulcie’s death, and while paola helped take care of cassandra during this time, it was only the revelation of what the yellow flowers in cassandra’s dreams were and actually going to earth that put some life back into cassandra’s eyes.

i would argue that dulcie’s death was the lowest point of cassandra’s life, and that remains constant- even in most aus. cassandra felt closed off from the rest of the galaxy, despite keandra and brooklyn staying around her. but it…it was this distant thing. not the comfort cassandra needed, you know?

in verses where splinter dies, cassandra does have her family and she does get out of bed and takes care of herself better than she does after dulcie. she has her family to live for.

in the wheels au, cassandra stays by donnie’s side as long as she can. that whole avoidance bit goes away if the person is still alive. paola forces her to go to work, but cassandra is still grateful that donnie’s alive.

cassandra adjusting to life on earth

the thing about adjusting to earth’s climate and gravity is that everything that’s different from capella (hotter temp, lower gravity) was a million times worse on pyrrah.

it was so much hotter on pyrrah than it is on earth, and definitely than it was on capella. so cassandra eventually got used to that. and pyrrah’s gravity was like..8 or so meters per second squared, so cassandra had lived in a place with even lower gravity than earth’s. it’s still not easy, and i’ve mentioned that cassandra sometimes wakes up feeling weightless and panics, but…it’s not as bad.

as for culture…cassandra lived in france for the first…two years? i think it was? maybe three- on earth, and cassandra had done a lot of research on earth in general, but especially on france, in the two months it took her to get there. i haven’t really thought much about her time in france- that’s something i need to work on tbh

cassandra doesn’t understand american politics at all. on capella there was lot more involvement in politics and everyone was critical of it- especially because of the ‘capellan cycle’, where a government would exist on capella for a few centuries before being overthrown and replaced for a few more centuries. so especially for cassandra, who was the daughter of a political thinker and revolutionary, and a capellan who grew up at the end of the current government’s cycle, she grew up very critical of authority and very aware of what was going on in the government. so the way americans know they’re unhappy with their government, but always know exactly what’s wrong with it or how to fix it, and are at times unwilling to put in the effort to change it…doesn’t make sense to cassandra

another thing cassandra doesn’t understand is like…consumerism. like this culture of constantly buying more, or espECIALLY things being made to be broken and replaced. for most of capella’s history resources were scarce, so shit had to be built to last for a LONG time. and this mindset never went away, even when capella began trading with other planets. so cassandra’s just ???? at how everything on earth is made to be replaced.

cassandra & drowning

cassandra is terrified of drowning. like…shoot her, stab her, let her pass away from sickness or old age…just don’t drown her or suffocate her. 

i’d imagine her fear comes from actually having visions in her sleep of her drowning, and then there was the time she actually almost drowned. it happened when brooklyn was with her, and her leg got caught in sinking wreckage of a ship they were on. it was easily one of the top five most terrifying experiences of cassandra’s life

cassandra & lying

cassandra’s a decent liar when she wants to be but she sometimes acts nervous when telling the truth, which means she ends up looking like a liar when she’s actually being truthful

the day capella fell

cassandra always gets very solemn and quiet on the day capella fell, lost in her own thoughts and guilt, and she usually reaches out to keandra (and to a lesser extent, brooklyn) on that day because they’re all in bad places on that day.

also consider- everyone knowing this is a bad day for cassandra and doing their best to make her smile in their own ways. everyone gives her 100x more hugs and makes sure she knows that they love her

[viralhottopics]

A Definitive Ranking Of Girl Scout Cookies By Betchiness

About this time every year the entire country (or maybe the whole world, IDK) freaks the fuck out over Girl Scout cookies. Weird kids who like camping and being nice come to your door in creepy-ass uniforms and the mom posse at work sends mass emails about ordering on time. And then a passive-aggressive fight breaks out over whose kid you’re going to order from, and then Debbie stops getting invited to the after-work happy hours and you all have to pretend it’s not weird, and … wait, where was I? Oh yeah. While normally all that pestering would annoy the shit out of me, when it comes to Thin Mints and Tagalongs you can spam my inbox all fucking day. So to get you ready for cookie season (which cruelly comes right before beach season, WHY), were ranking all of the treats by betchiness so you know which ones to buy and which ones are total social suicide.

12. Do-si-dos/Peanut Butter Sandwiches

Look, its a Girl Scout cookie so its not like its bad or anything, its just not great. First, let’s talk about these names. On the one hand, you’ve got Do-si-do, which makes me feel like I’m at a square dance. Also, I’m not sure what hoe-downs have to do with peanut butter and oatmeal. Speaking of, your alternative name is “Peanut Butter Sandwich”real inventive. Then you get to the cookie, which is just two (chocolate chip-less) oatmeal cookies with peanut butter in the middle. Whatever you call these, theyre fat and lumpy and ugly. Kinda like you will be after you eat a whole box of ’em.

11. Trios

Another oatmeal cookie. Bleh. The Trio has chocolate chips in it, though, so it beats out the Do-si-do. But really, if you’re going to spend $6or whatever ungodly amount they’re charging these dayson some fucking oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, it’s time to look at your life, look at your choices.

10. Smores

“Crunchy graham sandwich cookies with creamy chocolate and marshmallowy filling” sounds pretty good and all, but we fail to see how these differ from Oreo S’mores, which you can literally buy for half the price at Target. you say. Ok. Fine. On a less cheap note, these things are the newest to the cookie roster and youve gotta pay your dues before you get to sit with the plastics classics.

9. S’mores

That’s not a typo; there are two s’mores flavored cookies that are both creatively named “Girl Scout S’mores”. Like, what? You mean to tell me Tagalongs have two different names depending on what region of the country you’re in, but you couldn’t come up with a separate name for a whole other cookie? Normally I’d admire that type of commitment to not doing work, but that shit is just laziness. Do better, Girl Scouts. Anyway, this shit is essentially a graham cracker that’s dipped in “crme icing” aka fake marshmallow shit and then covered in chocolate. Anything that’s covered in chocolate is a definite yes in my book (future lovers, take note), but Girl Scouts really shot itself in the foot with the description on this one. “WHOA!”? Really? Does this really warrant an all-caps WHOA? The person who wrote this description is the type of person who talks about how “naughty” they’re being when they order fries at a restaurant instead of a side salad. I cannot, in good conscience, award this cookie any higher of a place on the betch scale.

8. Trefoils/Shortbreads

Trefoils are kind of like that teacher at your high school who only does the bare minimum and you wonder how they’re still there when you go back to visit for your 10th year reunion. The answer, for both the teacher and this cookie, is tenure. Trefoils are a pretty good option when you want to eat dessert but also partake in some cognitive dissonance, i.e. False. It can be that bad, because I’m sure these things are straight butter. Look, there’s even a sugar cube next to it in the picture! So anyway, while I’m sure we’ll have to pry these cookies from Juliette Gordon Low’s dead hands, Trefoils are actually pretty basic and not that great.Plus, the Girl Scouts have gone fucking ham with flavored shortbread cookie options lately (well get to those later) so you might as well branch out and not be a dud.

7. Toffee-tastics

There’s not much else to say about Toffee-tastics. I’ve never heard of them in my life, and they’re a regular-ass shortbread cookie with some toffee thrown in for a little excitement. They’re kinda like, the Danielle M. of Girl Scout cookies. Bonus betch points awarded for being gluten free, though.

6. Lemonades

Meet the lemon version of a Trefoil. Its not gluten free so youre probably wondering why its higher up than Toffee-tastic, and thats because unlike the Grammys we here at Betches appreciate Beyonc and the creative genius that is and want to show it some love. Beyhive for life (please don’t come after us).

5. Thanks-A-Lots

Finally the last shortbread. Someone in the kitchen is the fucking Gretchen Weiners of shortbread, and Girl Scouts really needs to get out more and come up with some new ideas. Shortbread? For cookies? Groundbreaking. Anyway, this one is at the top of its friend group because its dipped in chocolate (see my previous note). But it’s not higher up on the list in general because it’s called a Thanks-A-Lot. Like bitch, what are you thanking me for? You’re thanking me for eating you? That’s like your friend Karen who catches her boyfriend cheating, only to end up apologizing for “not appreciating him enough.” We don’t like Delusional Daters or delusional cookies, so the best these are gonna get is the middle of the pack.

4. Savannah Smiles

Is this what that girl from was talking about when she said she wanted to bake a cake of rainbows and smiles?? Whoa. I think I’m onto something here. Savannah Smiles are cute little tea cookies dusted in powdered sugar, and they look like something you snacked on at cotillion class before your Deb Ball. V betchy. Theyre also not going to make you (as) fat because there are only 140 calories in five cookies. And if youre eating more than five in one session, you need therapy. Or Jesus.

3. Tagalongs/Peanut Butter Patties

First things first, wtf is a Peanut Butter Patty? Just no. I am ride or die for Team Tagalong. You can put that on my gravestone. If I had to guess, TAGALONGS are like 50% of the populations fave, and it’s easy to see why. Its peanut butter on top of a cookie and then the whole thing is covered in chocolate and sprinkled with hopes and dreams. It only loses points for being one of the unhealthiest cookies, but fuck it. I said I was ride or die, and I choose death by Tagalong.

2. Samoas/Caramel deLites

God these are so fucking good. Theyre covered in caramel and dark chocolate and coconut, so its safe to say theyre the most sophisticated of all the cookies. Samoas are def the most inventive in terms of shape, texture, and flavor combination. Also, they have a hole in the middle which allows us to pretend they’re less calories than the other fully circular cookies. The only reason Samoas aren’t number 1 is because we’re not sure if the name is vaguely racist or not. Are you still allowed to say Samoa?

1. Thin Mints

Fucking duh. The day they get rid of Thin Mints will be the day hell freezes over. Actually, given that our country is run by a moldy fascist clementine and New York City’s weather forecast is a page out of the screenplay, that’s probably not such a good metaphor. But you get my point: Thin Mints are amazing. You can eat them plain. You can freeze them and crumble them on ice cream. You can make alcoholic Thin Mint milkshakes. The limit on your fatness truly does not exist when Thin Mints are involved. And in case their versatility wasnt enough, theyre veganbut we bet you didn’t even know that because they’re not constantly broadcasting it. All hail Thin Mints.

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from A Definitive Ranking Of Girl Scout Cookies By Betchiness

[gretaforkbeard]

WEIRD ASS DREAM #11

okay so I had a wild dream where I was designing a game in which Draco Malfoy was the protagonist of The Philosopher's Stone and at first it was old-school 8-bit but then it quickly turned into 3D graphics

and I had this idea that Malfoy was actually a homeless urchin in this alternate storyline, so for some reason I GAVE HIM A BEARD even though he was like 11

then the story consisted of Malfoy trying to get onto the Hogwarts Express and idk he accidentally ended up somewhere else instead. Meanwhile Harry Potter got trapped on a floating mattress in a big stairwell and instead of helping him the other kids were basically just laughing at him as he yelled angrily at them

then I guess the video game turned into a movie that I was watching with my family, and the floating mattress thing became a reality and I was suddenly STUCK IN A REAL MATTRESS - like, as in, my body was trapped inside the middle of the mattress and only my limbs and head were sticking out, so I had to walk around really awkwardly while my friend from class laughed at me

anyway the movie turned from "an alternate version of harry potter in which malfoy is the protagonist" to a 3D animated "a bunch of adorable dogs are mistreated by some asshole and seek revenge by BUILDING A FLYING MACHINE MADE OUT OF LEGO so they can fly across the city to the antagonist, corner him and then let the tiniest dog, in a fit of rage, beat him with torn-off bits of said flying machine"

then it was a happy ending for the dogs and there was a bonus feature with the dvd that was a news item thing that explained what happened to all the characters after the movie's plot ended and the antagonist was forced to do some dangerous job involving birds or something idk

oh yeah and before this entire dream I had another dream that I joined a military camp thingy and we had a couple of "enemy attacking the base" scares and then it turned out that it was more of a chess playing camp. but at least that dream made more sense than the other one

edit: forgot to mention that in the animated movie, the big brown dog was actually a small dog in disguise