#i had mixed feelings about her
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girls who go 🧍
#(+ obligatory Fern Pout. i think it's the grumbly noise she makes that really sells it but i still had to draw it)#been thinking about this with melody for a while#& was inspired to throw fern in the mix when i saw her standing there like a telephone pole during her third exam#hunter x hunter#hxh#melody hxh#senritsu#sousou no frieren#fern frieren#(middle right is a manga panel redraw btw)#as much as i love dressing up melody in cute outfits & poses one thing i really love about her in canon is how a lot of the time#she's just kinda standing there in her signature potato sack dress#she wears dresses/feminine clothing but isn't really the “girly” type like bisky or palm#nor a Kickass Fight Girl™ but is still competent enough to participate in the plot#she values things like emotions music healing and protecting people without being “soft uwu Team Heart girl”#and not a mom/sister figure even with kacho or neon where she's in the position of protecting a younger girl#i know this word doesn't really mean anything but to my brain she's just *normal*#a depiction of femininity that i vibe with more than many others i guess#to some extent i feel that with fern too even if she's a bit more. well.#let's just say i spent two minutes in the fern tag and the amount of anime tiddies in there does not surprise me in the least
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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Pocahontas (1995): 3 times Pocahontas is compared to her mother + 1 time she's recognized on her own merits.
rambling lil meta under the cut
see, what's crazy about this whole situation is that it makes me wonder what exactly pocahontas's mom was like to have left such a massive impression on literally everyone in their community? there's that outright statement that "yeah, your mom's spirit is in the wind, basically, and our people venerate her as a spiritual guide (at the very least)." we know that she's the main connection between pocahontas and grandmother willow, and there's an implication in there that whatever leadership role she held in the village is expected to fall on pocahontas's shoulders someday.
i am so convinced that this role is some kind of spiritual leader/shaman position. wise-woman, priestess, whatever it's called. we don't see anyone else besides kekata performing any kind of spiritual rites, and even he isn't seen acting in direct contact with spiritual entities. kekata has to perform chants, provide offerings, and use a medium. pocahontas can just fuckign. talk to the things. how is she doing that? why isn't anyone else really able to do that? john smith could talk with grandmother willow but would he be able to if pocahontas wasn't there (i actually think he could but that's a different post)? has she ever done that for literally anybody else? nakoma never mentions grandmother willow. nobody mentions grandmother willow. apparently, the only two people who knew about her before pocahontas brought her new bf over was pocahontas and her mom.
i'm losing track of myself here, but the point is pocahontas is Highly aware of the ghost she's expected to live up to. and it sucks. and there's a lot more to her character arc about this but the eventual come-around to accepting that she has a responsibility to be more than herself and more than her mother's ghost is so heartbreaking because it also meant she had to let go of her soulmate at the same time so i c ry
#pocahontasedit#disneyedit#pocahontas (1995)#pocahontas#help i'm hyperanalyzing disney's pocahontas again#<- blog tag for these metas now#queso*edit#i've been thinking about this for literal days#i've beein having a lot of THoughts but am having trouble writing them down lately so bear with me#but pocahontas's resistance to engaging with Anyone until john smith shows up is Fascinating to me#nakoma had to hunt her down to talk to her and got capsized for her trouble#they giggle about it at the time but pocahontas's reluctance to open up to nakoma throughout the film is sooooo oo#this weird semi-deified status her mom has i think fucked pocahontas up a lil#bc it gives her a similar 'unapproachable' quality if she proves to have the same capability#i think she has very Mixed feelings about that and is wary of engaging to closely with others because of it#queso*gif
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What drew them to each other is that they were both willing to do reprehensible things.
Whether it's to save their own skins, to save their families, to carry out a plan... They're naturally fucked up in the same pragmatic way.
But they can BE their full, "flawed, petty evil creatures" in full light of the other.
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DUNDUNDUN SAM WAS JUST WAITING FOR HER TO TURN AWAY WHAT A BASTARD
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She should've gotten to KILL him at least once, I think. Just to further make their bond weirder.
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"Don't struggle," she says.
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ALSO.
I like to watch the unraveling futility of their ambitions. Rowena, Crowley, and Sam were all united by wanting status and ambition to help them escape "a rigged game."
"And it took everything from me, everyone I love-- my family."
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BOOM. There it is.
See, Rowena sees the lengths Sam will go, and she actually RESPECTS it.
Their relationship is built on the comfort of understanding WHY they're willing to gut each other AND each other's loved ones. Strong feelings that they try to dissociate themselves from.
They use their smarts and ruthlessness to protect themselves and their loved ones at all costs.
And they both want to change.
"You were never gonna kill him. There was a time you would've. But not now."
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There is such an--an OPENNESS about the bad things they've done, and Sam needs that in his life.
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And in season 15, Rowena knows that Sam wouldn't have been able to kill her at the end there... not unless she guided his hand and helped him.
#sam has tried to shoot dean (gun wasn't loaded)#he tried to shoot crowley with the colt right after crowley handed it to him#he shot emma#he had you sacrifice oskar#that's just the quirks of being sam winchester#this was THE moment for me guys seriously#funeralia is THEEEEE episode i went full hog#and in theory i like eileen but#there's such friend vibes between them like they're trying to give dean a templated mix of john mary dean jody....#but sam pairs SO well with such a posh girly girl who's a loser and so so fucked up it's beautiful#and i think they thought maybe it wouldn't but bela wasn't the same kind of rich girl as rowena tries to be right?#bela wasn't tied to ambition like rowena was... getting power to escape her fear... bela was already doomed#and like sam and rowena just FEELS less templated#and i LOVE eileen and what shosannah says about her at the time time#you see my dilemma#cause sam is the REALER sam when he's wil rowena#spn funeralia
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Fun fact: In the original pitch for Stranger Things, El had a little brother.
After being rejected by almost 20 studios for the Montauk pilot, the Duffers were finally green-lit by Netflix. It was at this time that they began casting and then writing the first season officially, which included reworking a lot of that first episode.
This led to the removal of the brother reference, and with it, removing any sort of arc El could have had about her apparent brother.
But the thing about this moment, is that it might not have been scrapped entirely...
Going into the final season, no one can explain why or how El recognized Will back in 1x02. And while there are plenty of things on the show that are left unexplained, with a small portion likely left that way with the intention to uncover it later, what sets this moment apart from the rest is that there are very few possibilities here.
Because for starters, the story presents El's ability to see people in the void in s1 as requiring either a picture of that person for reference, or having met that person before.
But when El see's this picture of Will, she's never met him before. Or maybe she has, but we wouldn't know because they never showed us. They could have just not done this scene at all, given that it's clearly a copy/paste/edit of something scrapped from the pitch. Or they could have even still included it, but explained it.
One explanation could be that the lab had shown El a picture of Will before, similar to what they did with the Russian agent they wanted to spy on. But then that begs to question, why would the lab show El a picture of Will? Why would they want to see what he was doing? That alone is incriminating in and of itself, implying that Will is more connected to the lab than we realize.
The only other, and frankly most likely explanation, would be that El stumbled across Will at some point on her journey between escaping the lab and Will going missing. This is actually something that happens in The Other Side comic, which explores all the things Will may have experienced during his time in the Upside Down.
Though it’s worth noting the comics aren’t technically canon, and I highly doubt they would outright spoil everything in relation to Will’s time there, years before it was intended to be revealed. But still, let's humor this for a moment given that I do think Will's time in the UD is going to be very relevant in s5, which means it's highly likely they will finally address how exactly El saw him.
Basically, in the comic, Will see’s El walking through the woods, almost apparition like, glowing as she passes by, while also sporting the Benny’s burgers shirt. This means they would have crossed passed within a short span of time, between when El escaped Benny’s when the agents arrived, but before she was found by the boys.
Though it’s worth noting that we’re seeing this all from Will’s perspective. This means from the UD, Will was capable of seeing El on the other side, despite them being on different sides. And not only that, but she also looks back at him.
What confuses me about this, is that it doesn’t make sense for El to be in the woods, only to randomly decide to pop in to the void for a moment. She was trying to escape the lab and everything that came with it. I doubt she had any desire to lurk back there for some reason, not until someone encouraged her to. Not to mention, it would make no sense for her to go there and see Will if she wasn't even looking for him in the first place. And so this would mean Will and El could see each other, with Will being in the UD, and El being on the other side.
While it does seem pretty far off, given that you would think Will and El wouldn't be able to see each other from different sides, it is true in the story that El not only recognizes Will, but knows that he is in danger. She mentions that he is hiding specifically.
Which means she has likely seen him within the last 24 hours regardless.
This, in combination with Will being able to respond to El in the void at the end of the season in Castle Byers, when no one else outside of Terry and flayed-Billy have been able to, seems to imply that there is indeed something special about Will that makes him capable of communicating with El from the UD. Not only that, but El also seems to have an ability to be in this constant knowing state of how Will is doing, without even checking again to confirm. She's just certain of it. And she seems terrified about it.
Going forward, El never uses a picture of Will to find him. She never did. And more often than not, they don’t show us what she see’s either, not until the very end. And that’s the moment they reveal that he was able to communicate with her.
Again, there was really no reason to have El recognize Will. If anything it complicates things. But the fact that they chose to introduce this concept, with a scene from the original pitch that was related to El’s younger brother, with her pointing at his name cryptically, startling Benny, only to revamp it and have El not say anything at all while pointing at the picture of Will, startling Mike… It just really makes you stop and think.
Which brings me to the other aspect of this that might have people doubting, which is that El’s brother was originally younger than her.
We know Will is not younger than El, so how could this apply to him?
Well, it might be helpful to consider that in the original script, El was actually 10 years old, while the boys were always 12. Meaning that for some reason, they decided to age her up to the age of the boys, aka the same age as Will…
Ever since @erikiara80 shared this brother discovery with me, I have been sort of reeling. It then led to other little discoveries of changes they made between Montauk and Stranger Things.
It’s important to understand that the Montauk bible and the original script precedes what we ended up with in the final product, with it finally changing and evolving months, maybe even a year since that original vision. Even casting occurred before writing started for the first season. We know this because casting announcements were made in June and August of 2015, with writing not starting until August going into early 2016, simultaneously while they were filming.
And believe it or not, what I've discovered is that a lot of the changes they made between their original plans and what we see in the final product, have to do with not only Willel, but also Byler.
If you've read the original script for Montauk, you'll know that Mike's crush on Jennifer Hayes was focused on right from the jump, along with the birthmark on his face being focused on, which was the main cause of the bullying he experienced.
This has actually been talked about recently, and some of the claims people make do fit with what I am genuinely starting to consider here, which is that the initial plan for what makes Mike an outcast shifted.
I think when they completed casting, and started actually deep diving into what they wanted this world to look like, both from a short-term and long-term standpoint, they were presented with some pretty interesting discoveries, arguably already hiding in their initial plans without realizing it.
And this is where it sort of becomes a 'chicken or the egg' situation. Because which one came first? Byler or Willel?
I can't say for certain, because obviously this is all just speculation. But in the case that Willel came first, I think Byler would come very naturally after that.
The Duffers themselves are twins. Then they hire Noah, who is a twin. Then they're thinking and planning for El's past and how her family all fits into this, and they're thinking... wait a damn minute... We could totally Star Wars this bitch!
And then when they think it couldn't get any better, they uncover another layer that they hadn't planned or really considered in their initial plans.
While Will was always going to have sexual identity issues according to the Montauk bible, meaning that the writing process for him likely involved sitting down imagining scenarios that encapsulated this arc for Will from the beginning, they were simultaneously now finding very interesting aspects of Mike's character that made it hard not to at least consider the possiblity that Mike is not exactly straight.
Just think about it. The Byers and Wheelers are basically polar opposites on the spectrum of what a family looks like. While Will's discovery and acceptance of his queerness is interesting to explore because he comes from a low-income, single-mom household, all while having been bullied for years based on his perceived queerness, he also has a mother and brother constantly reinforcing that they will accept him no matter what. They've been sort of hitting us over the head with it for years, and so it wouldn't be very satisfying for his entire arc to merely lead up to something we've known all along. It's pretty much a given at this point.
On the other side of the spectrum, Mike comes from a more upper-middle class family at the end of a cul-de-sac, more aligned with what a nuclear family looks like. Mike's family is also presented as being more conservative, and while Karen does give that very queer-coded speech to Mike in s1 (I'm convinced they only wrote this after deciding to explore queer-coding more heavily with Mike), it also comes with comments from Ted and even still Karen that hint that they are probably not as open-minded and accepting as Will's family is to him. Which means Mike's arc would be a lot more about acceptance around him from his loved ones who we have been led to believe might not be as accepting of his queerness in contrast to Will.
And so as they're putting this story together, and they're being presented with something very interesting. Two similar experiences that play out in different ways because of the characters circumstances.
Will goes missing, and his twin sister with a buzzcut pops up and has the ability to help them find Will.
This leads to several moments where El is being compared to as not only a boy, but Will as well.
Now suddenly, their initial plans to have Mike's arc be about having a girl be interested in him and to hopefully have his first kiss and feel like less of a loser, starts to look a lot like what the experience a queer kid in his position might encounter growing up in the environment that he did.
And if you don't want to take my word for it, just hear the Duffer's themselves hinting at what they initially planned for Mike and the fact that it changed.
The changes don't stop there.
Believe it or not, 'It was a seven', did not exist in the initial pitch. When the boys went outside bickering over Nancy, they leave right after that.
Another thing that changed from the first script, was Scott Clarke's introduction:
And so you might be thinking, who cares? What does that have to do with anything?
Well, it's interesting because the line we end up with on the show is arguably one of the most on the nose Twelvegate proofs to date. Mind you, this is from the first episode:
Why chuck the original version, which was arguably more interesting and fascinating in terms of it hinting at the mysteriousness surrounding this story, only to replace it with him listing off tips about their upcoming test?
Well, I think it's the irony of it all. Here Mr. Clarke is practically telling us where to look to figure stuff out for ourselves what is going on, with all the kids filing out and ignoring him...
I relate to Scott a litttle too much in this shot here, any time I try to drop Willel evidence.
And the changes go on, as they obviously would.
Things like Terry Ives not even being El's mom, but actually a man who more so aligns with the characterization of Murray.
And one very interesting one I almost overlooked was in Hopper's introduction, where instead of a kids drawing done by who we assume to be Sarah, we actually see a picture on the wall of him and his wife and daughter... Interesting that they decided to switch it something that is a lot less definitive in presenting what Hopper's past looked like...
If you've made it this far, congratulations.
If you still think I'm out of my mind, just remember that El was going to have a brother in the original script, but they scrapped the scene and gave a near identical one to introduce her connection to Will instead 😘
#byler#stranger things#willel twins#twelvegate#montauk#as you can see#i am out of my mind#and i'm okay with that#i've spent the last couple months trying to make a video going over all the willel twin evidence#and i can't decide if it's even possible to do without going over an hour#like there is just so much shit that fits too perfectly into this family being ripped apart by mind control and time shenanigans#i hope to have it done soon#trying to make it less than 20 minutes#but it's probably going to end up being closer to an hour#especially with this stuff from the montauk pitch being added to the mix now#anyways#willel and byler are the curtain behind the curtain#if you are open to one of them#you are bound to stumble across the other#and they don't want that to happen#stay tuned for the inevitable twin imagery to continue in s5 related to willel leading up to the big reveal#bc it's arguably the most consistent thing about this damn show#and tbh this all just makes the queer-coding for mike in s1 a lot more concrete to me#them exploring will's queerness through his dad's expectations for him to do more 'manly' things like play baseball#and jonathan saying he shouldn't like things just bc people telll him he's supposed to#how they connect that narratively with the boys being at a baseball field when mike's being pressured about his supposed feelings for el#with the bullies showing up and literally being homophobic seconds later#the fact that jennifer hayes did in fact exist in the original pilot and was the girl mike had a crush on#only for them to scrap that and just make it about her having a crush on will...#never once introducing this idea of mike liking her...
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hi i made a tier list of how homophobic rezero characters are
hello in the spirit of valentine's day and the very welcoming community here on rezero tumblr i decided to make this with the help of my lovely mutuals.
#anyway heres some fun little explanations if youd like to read:#otto has. so much internalized shit going on i dont even know where to begin. not as severe as like subaru fr and def not in the same way a#whatevers happening with ferris but like by the time u get to arc 8 hes a total shitshow LJSLDKF#like ottos. transphobic. canonically. with natsumi schwartz. and then hes def got More going on bc his attachment style is soo....#wilhelm and heinkel i think would def be homophobic outside of reinhard/reinhard related things but its funnier to describe it like that ok#and either way the main target of their homophobia is gonna be reinhard LMAO#oni elders suck ok. theyd all be homophobic#rams got a strong case of comphet rn but when she doesnt have comphet shes chillin with subarus gf and having wlw mlm hostility with subaru#and otto. the entire judges your taste tier is all insane teen girls or frufoo and patrasche (who DEFINITELY judge otto and subarus taste)#frufoo patrasche are like that one reddit post about that one guys dog being homophobic after seeing their owner get topped in gay sex#also als in that tier bc al.#alcor is technically subaru but he gets to be a tier lower than subaru bc. hes also not technically subaru its very complicated but#at least he doesnt have the entire boy drama subaru has LSJDF#reids iconic line is the ones where he calls julisuba boyfriends u know. its extremely iconic.#a dear mutual of mine has informed me tivey is in lol ok while his triplet siblings wouldnt know what being gay is which LKJDSLFSD thats#fucking funny i had to do it#id argue satella is in lol ok bc she lets subaru do almost anything ok. this includes being terribly into men. she knows shes got his heart#either way. and also elsa dont care unless it affects how ur guts taste#rems reaction is gonna be lol ok unless its subaru coming out to her. then shes gonna have some Mixed Feelings#rezero#re:zero#i forgot to add but u could def argue garf knows what being gay is bc his two older brothers are just Like That#but also neither of his brothers would be caught dead explaining what being gay is to him
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top 3 fave bbys in the burrito show (bonus SUPER LONG tags on how i feel bout the characters)
#my art#boruto naruto next generations#sarada uchiha#shikadai nara#inojin yamanaka#in no particular order except sarada is my fav- i think she shouldve been main focus- girl brings all of og team 7 together at all times#just her family history alone is very interesting and i WISH we had seen a convo with sausage boi about her uncle and just everything#but shes a pretty solid character on her own- VERY good mix of both parents yet still being her own self#shikadai is funny i really like seeing him- hes a sight for sore eyes- bro got EVERYTHING from his dad minus his eyes and maybe hair#his dynamic with boruto being besties is really fun to watch- sarada too- with both shika and sara being geniuses and all#i love inojin's simplicity and how ordinary he is.... its... realistic?#hes artistically talented yes with his ninja art stuff but everything else hes kinda... mundane? at times even bad?#Considering every other prev gen child's got all these cool stuff goin on- i like that hes just... kinda normal... i like that about him#boruto i actually do like as well- he'd make a GREAT support character- i love how big bro he is and how he wants to stand up for others#hes a lot like naruto in that way- and might be a hot topic to say this but i also like how - in his very first arc- boruto hates the hokag#not his dad but internalized that the job took his dad away from him- regardless on criticism i think that concept is really neat#i am not well versed in what the story is now for boruto- ive just kinda picked my snacks on what i wanna watch lmao#but i do wish there was more showings of slice of life for all the kids- cuz they are all really interesting- especially for prev gen's kid#>>wished they did timetravel arc with sarada so we coulda seen young sasuke & sakura interact with boruto and sarada T_T#one last note: borusara is very interesting- but i actually prefer them just being friends- at most friends with crushes on eachother#i do think its cute but i like the dynamic of it being unrequited idk its new for me i just prefer them as friends with crushes lmao#prob cuz they work as characters independently Im not really interested in ANY of the new gen hookin up- borusara is the most interesting#i mean it IS the ONLY one being pushed canonically but i like it- that boruto looks out for sarada and sarada worries for boruto#but ya i wish boruto was like mitsuki in being a side character - i think a LOT more people will find him less annoying that way#though- i REALLY want more sarada and sasuke dynamics being shown- actually the uchiha fam a TON more than what we got#they are just SUPER interesting to me lmao#im a sucker for the emo boy turns soft and has family and bonds with their kids- its one of my favourite things in media#i feel like scraping the ocean floor when im trying to find quality sasuke and sarada art pieces and story stuff#cuz ive exhausted all the content in these past what 2-3 years of knowing both boruto- and now more recently - naruto#(yes im one of those people who knew boruto before naruto- smite me)
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2024 reads / storygraph
Those Beyond The Wall
sequel/companion to The Space Between Worlds, set a decade later
character-focused sci-fi set in an area divided in two, the rich protected city on one side and everyone else in the post-apocalyptic desert
follows a woman who works under the Emperor in Ashtown, keeping the peace
when mangled bodies start showing up with seemingly no murderer, she’s tasked with finding the cause, and finds out that it’s the result of corruption spanning both cities and multiple worlds
explores oppression and messy revolution, police violence and apartheid
bi & polyamorous MC
#Those Beyond The Wall#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#space between worlds sequel!!! honestly I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it….. In general I enjoyed it and I think it had#a lot of important things to say but also maybe highlighted some weaknesses(?) in both books?#or - I guess just the fact that the sff stuff (which skews a little more magicy here) is kinda small scope relative to its potential#and more there to serve the plot and characters. Which actually maybe is the point. idk- there's def mixed reviews lol#it has a messy unlikable MC (like actually - when half the weak ass reviews are saying the MC is annoying you know they are Actually a#complex character) and some interesting relationship dynamics#it is pretty solidly a sequel - I wouldnt read this without reading TSBW#cara does show up in here& tbh her characterisation felt quite different to me? unsure how I feel about that? but maybe it's the biased POV#also to be clear: polyam MC; not a polyam romance or anything#(there's - kinda a romance? or various feelings floating around and she 'ends up' with someone. feel like i would have liked that to end#more subtley but that's probably my personal taste lol)#man some of the 1 star reviews of this are kinda.....just racist though. can we get some measured critique in here#as I said i am not entirely sure how I feel about it but not quite in a way I can articulate.... idk! i think it's worth the read tho#it's maybe one of those revolutions that feels solved a little too easily in the end - but then also is it solved or is it just that the#narrative has to end at a certain point
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I feel like... Perhaps... Arguing that transphobia is defined by murder and that anything other than murder doesn't even matter... May NOT be conducive to fighting for trans rights.
Like... people want the right to exist as they are. They want to have access to hrt and surgeries and prosthetics. People want access to clothes that fit them and reflect how they want to be seen. People want access to medical care (eg. Getting screened and treated for sex-based forms of cancer can be impossible if you have the "wrong" sex listed to receive those tests). People want to be respected and treated well. People want to not be sexually assaulted and beaten and abused. People want to have access to housing and jobs, and the protection to not lose those things for being trans. People want access to shelters for homeless people or survivors of domestic abuse. People want name changes.
Acting like all of those things don't matter because at least they weren't murderered by an individual (and instead die of suicide or state violence, or survive and suffer) isn't okay.
#'hey people are forcibly detransitioning you and raping and beating you and you lost your job and are going to be homeless and#probably die of infection from being stabbed for trying to go to the bathroom. but at least you arent part of a demographic that has a#higher murder victim rate! shhh just ignore that we dont actually have data on the murder rate of your group.'#do ppl like. forget state based violence exists. and that thats most violence minorities face.#idk man im just. mad about people on here acting like youre only oppressed if youre a perisex trans woman who was AMAB.#cause i exist at the intersection of multiple minorities and being told hey u experience violence but at least you wont be murdered by an#individual feels like a slap in the face.#like it doesnt matter if i have to mask my neurodivergent behaviour bc if people see they could assume im on drugs and call the police and#i could potentially be really hurt but not die but hey at least i wont die just be horrifically traumatized by police brutality!#there are millions of people with mental illnesses similar to my own around the world who are institutionalized and forcibly medicated or#living on the streets or dependant on horrifically abusive caregivers#but hey at least they arent being murdered!#like. the way the transphobia discussion on tumblr rn discusses (and doesnt discuss) race and ability and class and health makes me#feel very invisible.#like if people had to choose who to believe about my experiences between listening to me a black/mixed mentally ill maybe disabled (used to#be disabled) hella nd trans nonbinary person#or listen to a white middle class trans woman's take on my experiences that theyd choose her. its such a weird weird microcosm.#its like a monkeys paw like people are finally listening to trans fems and finally recognising the violence they experience and finally#actually caring about them but for some reason decide that in order to do that its necessary to throw every other minority under the bus#like fuck man have you seen how 'anti transandrophobia truthers' discuss race? its NOT okay#we all matter we all are so similar and are part of the same groups and same communities we need to stick together#stop using trans fems as a battering ram to hurt other minorities challenge#cause like. yes its some trans fems. but its mostly NOT?#like its non trans fems telling other non trans fems that they arent oppressed#and even when many trans fems are like what the fuck dude of course other trans ppl matter whats wrong with you#the group of like 80% non trans fems 20% trans fems are like 'hmm if you are defending other trans people you must not really be trans fem'#like. denying trans fems their identity bc they disagree with them?? dude someone doesnt stop being a trans fem cause they recognise#people other than trans fems matter and exist#its just all so WEIRD its a weird little tumblr microcosm#i wanna stress. for those of you who dont have access to other lgbtq+ communities. how much it seems to be primarily a tumblr thing. to
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face
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#carmen lobcorp#i suppose what drove me to finish and make this in the first place was the fact i just got a random swing that made me not so stable#whichm YEAH im not anyways bht significantly less so. body and the rest of my body wasnt functioning. like multiple fucked up inputs#inside onem who the HELL is pilotingbthis thing. didnt feel like me buddy. anyways.#the second one was that lingering feeling i had when first learning about carmen. faceless and at first silhouette and blurry of a memory#even in the cutscene her eyes had been not There. fragmented memories putting back together the image of what Went Wong and then of the#memory of a woman so dearly beloved and etched intk the history of this very place. then it further spun into the thougjt of#what can be remembered? how faithfully? how much of Her could be remembered? how much of her love and what she looked like and liked hersel#had been turned into just gapping wounds to even recall. when the sun and outside of the surface brings forth pain and anger and grief is s#soaking into the very being of the place how much would tha grief and self hate and mourning go ahead and twist and distort memories to#bring up upon? in reality likely not much but the idea was interesting all the same. mix that with the general unwell state and said own#inability to remember faces and we got this. yay heart emoji#uhh purple because blue and red makes purple. also it just looks nice . was going to make it the very obvious green but. purple.
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if you ever doubt how WHITE Seattle is, know that I just did an audition for THIS ROLE
because they specifically called me in for it
#i was originally just called in to read for OTHER people at auditions. like. not to audition but to be the person reading the other part#because my friend is the casting director. but i joked to her ‘’cannot believe you called me in to read this BLACK WOMAN show’’#and she was like ‘’i just need someone with melanin! and im like girl my dad is black but not like this!!! i feel ridiculous!!!’’#and the director apparently REALLY liked me and was like ‘’why is she not auditioning??’’#and if he had asked ME i would have said ‘’because i am WHITE. SIR.‘’#but here we are!!!!!#girl my dad is black but he is PUERTO RICAN#and I am WHITE (passing)#no one looks at me and is like ‘’ooh she’s mixed’’ people look at me and are like ‘’…..jewish? filipino? greek? what is this’’#anyway i’m really like 👀👀👀 at this because like? should i turn this down if i’m offered it?#the director is black but like. surely there has to be a conversation about how fucking white i look babes#like. they’re gonna cancel me!!! they’re gonna call me rachel dolezal girl why are you doing this to me????#really truly do not know what to do about it#HOPEFULLY i just don’t get the fucking role and don’t have to worry about it
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No matter how much time comes to pass, the ache still grows. You who shepherded us, you who unbarred the way... And once more I'm to return without you at our side with all that you have accomplished. It feels...
Wrong.
#Hi I had to take a break because of Covid#In th meantime I got Alsene to EW and pretty much back to her birthplace#which means here comes the angst and pining#She's got mixed feelings about being here#but Ill write about it#moenbryda#moenbryda wilfsunnwyn#ffxiv#ffxiv gpose#ff14#arr spoilers#endwalker spoilers#miqote
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whyyyyy are dog people so obsessed with their pet taking a shit...
#im. Confused. bc seriously why! what is it!#we have had this dog for One Full Day and the amount of times#that my stepdad has felt the need to regale me with her using the bathroom on a walk#is. well frankly its Insufferable and i Want It To Stop#like respectfully! affectionately! I Do Not Care! Hush! Cease! Good For Her! None Of My Business!#i am learning so quickly that im solidly a cat person#i do not enjoy having a Wet Beast! dogs are fine when they're not in my house!#me and my cats are like... living in my room now#i almost said Our room. well. that wouldnt be wrong at this point#absolutely unprompted#i can live with snakes i can live with lizards i can live with birds#but dogs? theyre just so much... too much...#sensory nightmares! big and loud and smelly and slobbery and their fur feels weird and theyre so Pushy-#i could handle it if it was a uh... a Sensible dog!#but this is a golden retriever mixed with a samoyed i believe!#that is not a sensible dog thats a 'i will force myself into your personal space' dog#sorry. sorry. im just not very happy with this development lmao#but its not my house not my decision and my stepdad needed an affectionate furry friend#he's happy! good! i can keep my mouth shut about my deep displeasure!#cats are so neat and clean and just sweet little packages of delight... i need to be in a room full of kittens STAT
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I find it so ironically funny when hardcore Debbie defenders use the defense that she was just a victimised teenage girl (agreed) and then proceed to slander Fiona and express their hatred for her character and lack of sympathy
as if being an adult magically absolves an individual of the horrifying trauma that precedes them and screws up their mentality and actions
funnily enough these people get mad at others for "expecting Debbie to be an innocent angel and hating on her for acting out as a result of trauma" (also agreed, debbie does deserve more sympathy, she can't be expected to grow up to be a perfect saint when she's been through so much) yet seem to hold Fiona to the same unattainable standards and put her on a pedestal as if she wasnt a child that was forced to intensely grow up while never actually being raised
like lets put this into perspective and remember that fiona grew up surrounded by corrupt morals and insanely screwed up behaviour yet still emerged as messed up, yes, but surprisingly good considering the situation she was in??? she had to navigate basic things such as morals and being a good, responsible person on her own. imagine how difficult it must be to lead a bunch of kids, including yourself, with no previous role model or good example of your own to follow. most of the time, she always tried to do what she thought was best and would have the most desirable outcome
#listen a lot of the time debbie defenders make good points#is debbie my favourite? no but she does deserve more sympathy#im really unserious on here and ive made some dumb meaningless jokes but at the heart of it i have sympathy for debbie#so no its not the debbie defense i have an issue with#its the way these people claim to be#1 understanders of shameless women and their complexity#top defenders#including of the women who have said and done worse than/just as bad as fiona#and then proceed to spew all this vitriolic lack of sympathy regarding fionas character#they always talk about fiona making the choice to be their legal guardian#as if the situation wasnt complex and 1) she felt pushed into an inescapable corner#2) that doesnt change the fact that she'd have strong feelings about her baby sister choosing to have a whole baby???#she claimed legal guardianship over HER siblings she did not foresee any other children being added to the mix#so yes she went about it harshly at times when she made debbie raise franny independently#but its not surprising considering her exhausted life?? her history as a TEENAGE GIRL and CHILD of raising kids???#there are actual mothers who'd be worse about this situation and fiona wasnt trying to be nasty#it was tough love and it could've been shown in better ways#and im not putting all the blame on debbie cause she was so young and vulnerable#but at the end of the day she made a choice and fiona was trying to help her understand the importance of consequences to your choice#and navigating adulthood when you choose to behave like one#of course debbie was often put in situations where she felt like she had to be a grown up and that is not her fault#but its not fionas either. theyre all just trying to survive. and fiona tried her damn hardest to preserve debbies childhood#so how do you think she'll react realistically to the whiplash of debbie purposefully getting pregnant#ultimately theres a lot of complexity and flaws and nuance to these situations and i find it weird when people criticise#others for putting so much blame on debbie#and then do the same to fiona as if shes not a victimised product of her environment too#you can show sympathy to debbie while understanding Fiona too and being critical in a mature#nuanced way#im not being a hater to anyone btw im just sharing some thoughts and letting it out. all im saying is#most of the shameless women deserve sympathy and understanding and its strange to deny fiona of that
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a few Big Al and Sweet Ann headcanons cause i'm fixated on the original early versions of these two goobers
Big Al is an undead reincarnation of an Elvis impersonator, and Sweet Ann is the who brought him back from the grave. the man Big Al used to be was somebody Ann was infatuated with, and when faced with the news of his tragic and untimely death, she was absolutely devastated. she couldn't bare to lost the one she loved, so she Frankenstein'd him back to life and gave him another chance with a new identity and show persona.
the reason Big Al's english and singing can sound a bit rough is because he's a reanimated corpse who's kinda relearning how to be a human. undead monsters, depending on how long they had been dead before their reincarnation, typically forget a lot of their previous lives beyond basic human instincts, and thus, when they are reincarnated, they need to learn how to act like the humans around them again. luckily, Ann dug him up pretty quickly after his death, so he still has partial recollection of who he was before his death. his body had been stuck in a casket for a while before his reincarnation, cut him some slack! XD
Sweet Ann is an undead monster like Al, although she seems to be much better at mimicking human behaviours than Al is, as he was only recently reincarnated. she was reincarnated close to a century ago, and in that time, she has built up an impressive career for herself as a singer. almost everything about her background before entering the spotlight is unknown to the public, apart from documentation of a human who looks strikingly similar to Ann who went by the name of "Jodie". Sweet Ann holds many secrets behind that smile that only Al knows.
Ronnie (Big Al's development name) was Al's previous name when he was alive, and it's a pet name Ann calls him. he finds it adorable and endearing.
most of Sweet Ann and Big Al's old demos have a backstory and chronology to them. Sweet Ann's 'How Could I Forget You' VOCALOID 1 demo is a song written from her perspective of Ann having to relearn and try to remember the ones she once loved when she was alive, very shortly after she was reincarnated as a monster. 'Amazing Grace' is what she sung after successfully bringing Big Al back to life, and it was the very first thing he'd heard when he woke up. Sweet Ann and Big Al's 'Make Me Feel' demos take place shortly after Big Al was reincarnated by Ann, with Big Al learning how to feel again and how to sing again. they kinda playing a mellodrama with each other that's partially born out of Sweet Ann's own feelings towards Al. Big Al's 'I Feel Good' demo was recorded when he was drunk lolllol
#big al#big al vocaloid#sweet ann#sweet ann vocaloid#vocaloid 2#vocaloid2#frankenstein's big al my beloved <3#i honestly really love the idea of these two being undead singing monsters#we already have a bunch of android-inspired vocaloids i think we should throw in a few undeads in the mix too#also while writing this i just watched the kitto vs sweet ann video and it is so fucking funny lmaooo go watch it#sweet ann and unreleased big al are two of my favourite vocaloids atm#they're so underrated and i'm so sad michael king's version of big al wasn't released#if only they had just waited for michael king to get back from touring.....#it makes me quite sad to think about what we could have had with big al#i do really like his released voicebank and all don't get me wrong but it just doesn't hit the same as the unreleased big al#released big al feels less unique than his unreleased incarnation#also i feel like i should mention that there was another cancelled version of big al with his development name (ronie)#but to my knowledge there are no demos of his voice anywhere#anyway yeah i love giving a backstory to characters who don't necessarily have one heeheehoohoo#also bonus headcanon that big al's puppet-like mouth is a side effect of his recent reincarnation and being put back together#and it's something that heals over time#sweet ann used to have a similar condition to al's but it healed as she got used to her undead body#sorry to get off track again but big al's 'i feel good' demo is so fucking funny#''wOOOOOOWWW!!!! i fEel goOd'' - big al after too many drinks#headcanons#my headcanons#obscure media#obscure vocaloids
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Eddie's never met a Jedi. Of course he hasn't. But he's seen a Jedi, way back during the clone wars, when a battalion had helped after seppies had targeted civilian supply lines.
Eddie's pretty sure they were Kel Dor, what with the breathing apparatus. They'd worn tan and woody robes, long and elegant and flowing as they'd weaved between people, helping them stand or tending to wounds.
What had stood out to Eddie, watching this being that was supposedly a fierce warrior of light, was that they...were normal. They laughed and shrugged and cooed at babies, just like anyone else.
That was until the Jedi had raised their hands and lifted a two-tonne shipping crate into the air without so much as touching it. It frightened Eddie, then. Barely twenty and in the middle of a war his planet didn't want a part of. Beings that could lift and toss objects too heavy to move without machinery like they were playthings are not to be unwary of.
Of course. Eddie had spent a lot of the redistribution of rations effort around clones. They'd seemed...fine? While he is no stranger to speaking his mind he had thought well enough ahead that he probably shouldnt ask if they'd wanted to be there. Figured that might get him kicked off the project and he needed the money.
He listened instead. How they called each other things like Spoon and Duck and Trinity and Loopback as though they were names. Maybe they were. Eddie didn't know and didn't want to ask at the time.
But the Clones had been friendly, if formal. They spoke of their general with fondness and respect and a tinge of awe that felt appropriate to seeing what a Jedi was capable of frequently.
Eddie had liked them.
And then Empire Day came, and the Jedi were declared traitors and the galaxy as he knew it fell apart.
It never made much sense, from what Eddie had seen, for the Clones to kill the Jedi. But nobody asked Eddie, so Eddie didn't say. He did get sucked into the Rebellion though, and heard rumours about mind control and sith and a dozen other things.
So no. Eddie had never met a Jedi. But he'd seen one.
Chrissy had spoken about the rumoured Jedi (or-- not-jedi? She said they often refused the title) that stayed in the small Rebel enclave they've been helping. There were two, apparently. She'd met them, even, during a debrief where she'd been discussing how to better use their resources to help her contacts on the Freedom Trail. They'd barrelled in and spoken in such a way that Chrissy would have swore they were of the same mind, had they not been on opposite ends of the room.
"they were polite." Chrissy said, headtail twitching. "For people who interrupted an important meeting." Eddie'd laughed. "One, the Balosar man, he was very insistent that we delay our plans. The other, I think she was human? It's hard to tell, said the force was calling to them and very insistent about it during meditation."
"seriously? And the generals did it?"
"oh no. They argued for another twenty minutes before the not-Jedi threw up their arms and said, in unison Eddie!, 'The shipment will be lost if you go ahead with it. Better late than never, pricks.' and walked out."
So. On an abstract level, Eddie knew that whenever he entered the hangar bay to run maintenance or completely rebuild a ship, there was a chance for him to meet a former? Jedi.
He'd gotten well acquainted with a group of teenagers there, ones who were friends with the younger brother of the heir apparent to the region they were in and liked the make-believe games he ran in his off hours. But he never really thought about the Jedi that supposedly haunted the base until a woman shouted for Dustin, a rodian who was part of his little sheepies and had literal stars in his eyes when Eddie spoke, to come over. Dustin, the betrayer, jumped up and dashed off without even a word of goodbye.
"okay, so the head mechanic needs this-" she gestures to a small smuggling freighter that had seen far better days "hunk of junk out of the way so they can start work on a couple of x-wings. Steve and I figured we could help her out and get you to work on control of larger objects."
Eddie meandered casually over. Just to watch. Just to...see.
Dustin bounced on his feet. "Really? Woah! Where are we putting it?"
She pointed up, to the open vertical entry doors that created the roof of the hanger. "Steve's up there, he'll make sure if your control slips we don't crush the ship or anyone on the floor once you get it high, and he'll get it out and place it where it's supposed to go. I'll be here with you so you don't hurt yourself."
"I'm not gonna hurt myself."
She patted his head "yeah. Cuz I'm right here making sure."
"uhg. Almost wish I never learned you guys used to be Jedi."
"and who would train you then? No one. You and El would be sad little tooka kits all on your lonesome." She raised her voice to yell at the roof, "you ready Stevie?" and it should not have been loud enough to carry, the tone of an after thought, as though she already knew the answer and the question was just for the spectators, but the figure silhouetted waved.
Then, Dustin took a steadying breath, raised his arms, and closed his eyes. Slowly, the ship in front of him groaned and rose up. A crowd had formed, watching a magic thought extinct.
The woman's eyes darted between Dustin and the freighter, one hand loosely outstretched. It occurred to Eddie that neither wore the tunics and robes of Jedi. Dustin ran around in the mismatched pants and shirts of the Rebels' donations, while the woman wore deep greens. There were no dramatic sleeves that swished when they moved, just slightly loose fabric fastened by a belt and holster. He wonders if she ever wore them.
Dustin struggled for a moment, the ship quivering ten feet up, and the woman tensed slightly before he loosened. Eyes open, she deftly moved her arms up with the ship following, an ease in her movements that Dustin lacked. When she dropped her arms as well, the freighter stayed moving upwards, the other not-Jedi, Steve, likely taking over.
"good work for your first go." She said, draping an arm casually over Dustin's shoulders.
"I barely got it off the ground! Don't patronize me, Robin."
Eddie stepped in "considering I wouldn't even be able to move it sideways an inch, I'd say you did pretty well, Dustin."
The kid spun, just as the light comes shining back through as Steve maneuvered the ship out of the hangar. "Eddie! You saw?"
He scoffed "uh. Yes? Why didn't you tell me this is what you did when Im not around"
The woman-Robin, Eddie supposed, tensed. "It's not particularly safe to boast about it. Especially when it's not clear if you're alone."
Ah. Yeah. That did make sense. "Then why practice in a hangar with two dozen people around?"
She shrugged, and looked up. Eddie followed her sightlines and "wait is he gonna-" just as the figure that must be Steve launched himself off the edge of the open roof and towards them. He landed, he's leather jacket flapping behind him, and stood straight, grinning.
Robin laughed. "You'll give someone a heart attack one of these days, Steve."
"eh. No one's died so far."
Dustin smiled too "I'm getting pretty good at my controlled falls too! Oh, Steve, this is Eddie!"
And then Steve turned his gaze on Eddie, and his brain may have melted.
Steve looked like a spacer, windswept from the fall and leather jacket snug around his shoulders, two different holsters visible, his pants deliciously tight. He ran a hand through his hair, his antennapalps bobbing, and stuck it out for a shake.
"so, you're the great Eddie Munson Dustin hasn't shut up about? Good to meet you."
"mmhmm!" He forced his hand out to jerkily shake Steve's. Jeez. It was as though he'd never seen anyone beautiful before. His best friend was a Twilek dancer (and spy) for star's sake. He needed to get it together. Jedi didn't date, Eddie was pretty sure. Something about the force or power or devotion or something. He wasn't sure. He wasn't a Jedi. He wasn't a not-Jedi either.
Steve only smiled and turned back to Dustin. "So. Next time you need to let the Force flow. You're still trying to shove it, which never works. You direct it, like changing the course of a river."
"but not," Robin added seamlessly, and oh, wow, that was weird than you Chrissy "like a dam. Trying to block it won't give you strength. You're more..."
"using a log to ensure the water finds a different path."
"to go where you want it to go, do what you want it to do, without preventing it's natural flow."
"you guys are so annoying." Dustin huffed. "You know that? You can claim it's your Concordance of Fealty all you want but I know your freaky thing is not normal for it." He groaned. "But sometimes I feel when you guys, like, shape it. Change it. What the kark is that about? If I'm not supposed to dam it, how do I change it and use it like you do?"
Both grinned "We're older. Master the basics, we must, before attempting the advanced, young one." The voice Steve used was croaky, an impression.
Dustin pulled a face. "Don't quote Grandmaster Yoda at me!"
Robin and Steve laughed, leaning on each other. Suddenly, Eddie felt as though he was intruding. Though they hadn't told him to leave, they were sharing about...about a relative, Eddie guessed. Someone near to them and their almost-dead culture.
"I can quote him all I want, I drank enough of his atrocious tea to deserve it!"
"he's dead. You're going to sit here and insult your dead great-grandmaster, the last Grandmaster of the Order?"
Steve got Dustin in a headlock "while we mourn their loss, and acknowledge the pain of their untimely and unjust passing, we celebrate their memory. Yoda, the old frog, is one with the Force, and while I can wish for his guidance, I can also make fun of his vile cookies I had to eat at lineage dinners all I want."
"pretty sure they were barely considered edible for near-humans" Robin adds. She caught Eddie's eye, and winked. "Who's up for actually edible tea? Dustin can practice his fine control and pour for us.
Both Dustin and Steve groaned. "The kid is gonna spill all over us for fun, Bobbin."
Concept post Dustin discovers they're jedi
#steddie#steve Harrington#robin buckley#eddie munson#stranger things#stranger things au#post o66 stobin au#okay so eddie is a zabrak. chrissy is twi'lekki. robin is either human or a Zelos(? the plant humans) and steve is Belosar#(death stick guy from AotC) dustin is rodian. hopper is a wookie. idk about anyone else.#also the age gap between older teens and kids is larger. this takes place probably about...eight? years after knightfall#steve and robin are 27/28 or so and dustin and co are like 16? idk#steddie fic#sorta. this au is rattling in my brain#also yes obviously chrissy x robin happens too lol#but its slooooooow burn#this one is about the complicated feelings towards the joy of remebering a lost loved one and the sorrow of your whole cultre dying#like. there had to be good memories mixed with the grief#also. steves master was claudia and her master was mace windu and i am under the impression that mace finished his padawanship with yoda#so hes lineage just not a disaster lineage branch for yoda#stranger things star wars au#finda writes stuff#also obviously the jedi eddie sees is plo koon#the inherent joy in absolutely dragging Yoda's psychological lineage warfare cookies
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