#i had lots of friends as a kid but all very face value bc they probs got an off feeling without means to reject me socially

[m-jay-gee]

recently came to the realisation that i have low empathy and have convinced myself to think it's high empathy.

i think i was able to convince myself it was high empathy because i can see logical reasons why people care about others but then i thought about it and i have no urge to act upon anything i disagree with unless under social pressure.

i don't particularly want to put myself in other people's shoes but i also dont need to do that to comprehend caring. if that makes sense?

low empathy =/= bad person. just means i have to go through hoops to get why people react a certain way when someone does something.

[infernumequinomin]

"Kipperlily hates Riz because she's got a crush on him," this, "Kipperlily hates Riz because he somehow snubbed her," that... First of all, this boy imprinted instantly in a bully throwing him in a trash can thinking they could be friends, Riz wouldn't just forget someone he met in any sort of positive or negative way for zero reason. If they met, even if she didn't make a huge impression, Riz was SO desperate for companionship in Freshman year I don't think he'd have forgotten or ignored her.

I think a lot of people are forgetting the complexity of Riz's story as a poor kid who is of a "monster race" going to somewhere like Augefort through sheer working really fucking hard on the part of both him and his mom, and that they have explicitly in canon faced adversity both for their financial class and race. One of Riz's driving forces to do really well this year is so he can even GO to college. Sklonda EXPLICITLY lost her pension from YEARS of sleepless nights working as a detective and working her way up through the ranks this year (and I don't think it's something to overlook that Kipperlily's mom works as a county clerk and may have had some say there). I think Kipperlily may just be a graden variety privileged bigot who thinks some "gutter scum goblin shouldn't be in classes with normal people." And that a lot of her work with Jawbone has probably been unpacking these internalized biases.

Like, from the outside, the Bad Kids were ressurected by the principal the very first day of school, throwing the whole school into chaos and got DETENTION for it. Riz not only killed, but ATE the vice principal, after they defeated Kalvaxis! They were all on the verge of failing if they didn't complete their Sophmore year spring break project (it was 70% of their grade or some insane shit!), and while most of them may still have passed, Fig and Kristen DEFINITELY needed that credit and that is mentioned in the season, Adaine is insanely stressed about them completing their quest for "school credit".

If Kipperlily grew up rich and entitled, with all the biases about poor people that can grow (especially if her dad's real estate office owns Strong Arm Apts and she thinks of it as a slum, because it's kind of described as low income public housing lbr here) and saw that some lower class goblin was EATING PEOPLE after defeating them (you know, like a monster does, clearly not taking any time to understand his motivation OR culture), and getting preffered treatment because the principal just happened to LIKE HIM and his party (because they took the time to become closer to him over the years and Augefort clearly values students who will absolutely kick his teeth in bc adventurers are "insane violent psychopaths" citation: the Seven), and breezing through his classes without doing ANY of the work (because she doesn't SEE the work or the sleepless nights or all the stress he's taking on for others) it absolutely tracks for her to grow this huge chip on her shoulder about it and for it to reinforce these biases she may have already had about goblins and esp abt POOR goblins like Riz.

I don't think Riz did anything wrong. I think Kipperlily just has shit to fucking work thru in regards to how she views the kinds of people she doesn't know or has had no opportunity to associate with. Even among her party, they're all rich to middle class for the ones we know the class of. She's 17 and has a bunch of internalized biases, likely from her upper middle class upbringing, and major anger management issues. Idk it just makes sense to me. I met all kinds of girls like her in college who were type A to all shit who resented me for seeming to "have it easy" despite how hard my life should have been coming from a poorer background than them.

[persistentplums]

U should infodump some of your Triana thoughts 👂👂🙏

Currently laying on my bed, on my stomach kicking my feet and twirling my hair. Thank you for the ask!!!

Also everyone please feel free to send Vbros asks it’ll take me a minute but I’ll always answer!

Triana to me is mixed i haven’t pinned down what mix but for now wasian. Although mixed middle eastern is also in my head the problem is I want to be specific but i can’t pull from anywhere specific right now.

I think if we got her New York look I flip around the thought of her going full goth stereotype (I really love the idea of her going trad goth black dress with jewelry) which would be cool but also a part of me would think it would be SICK if she shaved her head and had this buzz look leaning a mix of punk and goth. (More British inspo not in a racist white way)

She has magic jewelry, rings and necklaces, I think she gets into insect taxidermy which also influences the type of jewelry she has, I think she has a cool beetle broach that moves around and has magic! I think it would be cool!

I think she gets into Mind magic. And I mean this completely separately from telepathy, anything to do with the mind since it was Orpheus that messed with it. She becomes unintentionally fixed on making her mind a place that can’t be messed with. Her mom, dad and stepdad teach her a lot but Master and her click super well and she tells him what she wants to learn.

I think her relationship to Master is very very silly. Master has a LG slider so he can text her type of silly. I think now that she does magic they can gossip really it’s just Master telling her stuff she shouldn’t know but still fun stuff.

Triana is someone who is fun to be around and genuinely a nice kid, so it makes sense wherever she goes she gains friends. She doesn’t get along with Dermontt bc Dermontt is a little shit to be fair but I would also like to think if she met Sirena it would be rocky also.

Sirena is cool, there’s no doubt about it, but I think Sirena impatience which can turn into actions that hurt people+the want of a bottom line wouldn’t gel with Triana. Since VB hasn’t really developed any of the girls they’ve made with any moment of failure/hardship I have to use the CRUMBS given in the show.

Triana not outright telling Dean the day she moved out she is not into him then trying to put an idea in his head instead speaks to a quality of not wanting to get caught/rocking the boat. At first I thought it was classic rebellious kid lying to parent but I realize also in part of the writers under developing her, she shies away from parts of her self, hiding them to keep her life uncomplicated and moving. Funny enough a trait very much like her dad, both are different versions of the peacekeeper.

I think Triana big thing is she needs to be able to be herself even the parts that people think is bad. It’s not like the parts of her are a big deal if someone doesn’t like them. She isn’t worried about that, it’s the idea she needs to keep the peace. Fuck the peace girl let that shit fly.

Triana is very similar to Hank in the sense of she isn’t overtly hiding things but by doing so means things internally can be hidden to others. I think Triana is slippery in that sense, good at half truths, good poker face, strong values she believes in, a very loyal friend.

If I was to tie her into the main gang this is how I would’ve done it:

The limbo mind world is her training space, like Luke in Dagoba. She-with Master “teachings”-is figuring out how to control what she has and how to use it regarding the mind since at this point she can do magic but she’s basically trying to get her “diploma”in the mind. She’s going through all that and finds not just one Hank but multiple Hanks and goes “hm! That’s….not usual a thing that happens.” She does a dream call to Hank and they meet again.

They have a chat, catching up and getting semi personal, she ends up in New York to talk to her dad and gets swept in some adventure the boys are in and meets everyone else. I think the moment she clicks with the Mind is waking the remaining guys back, fully now in tune with her goal but she still needs to figure out what to do with it!

Extra stuff about Triana I personally hc:

Her and Sirena go out together first as a “get to know you” thing but it becomes tradition

Triana knows how to play drums, definitely could’ve been on Shallow Gravy

Triana is low-key trying to set Dean and Jared up by the most subtle comments ever bc interacting with Dean is like trying not to scare a deer still after all these years to her

Her jewelry range from basic rings to bug themed broaches all having a specific magical element (for my dnd ppl out there think magical items with charges or when you imbue an item with a spell) I think she gives them to her friends

Jared and Triana have mixed feeling only because she is trying very hard to respect his journey of being into Dean and vice versa but also she cannot stop going “this is gay.”

She has a gf, she’s bisexual at least, but in my heart lesbian. I love the idea of her gf being a powerful magical being that someone else thought of! Or

She watch romantic movies with Hank bc he’s the only one who appreciates them. Despite Dermontt constantly complaining about watching “chick flicks” Dermontt is also there

Dermontt and Triana beef so often that Dermontt ends up being like her shit head younger brother in the way they argue. And Dermontt doesn’t confirm or deny just says she needs SOMEONE or she’ll fall into only child disease. They aren’t nice to each other at all but they do have each other backs

Triana has the same weirdo mean streak as her dad sometimes but doesn’t take many things seriously so she really is doing stuff just to fuck with people bc she finds it funny. Example: Orpheus trying to get an arch and smacking the shit out of monarch then putting his feet on fire vs Triana doing that to Dermontt just because on a Sunday. Orpheus has a means to an end Triana just doing it for the love of the game

Speaking of, Triana is more inclined to be Guild only she doesn’t give a shit, she rides the new wave in the VB world of middle men. Not heroes not villains just kinda doing their own thing. I do think she has many Guild friends

Speaking of middle men, she is a headache to OSI/Protags/Arches bc she isn’t affiliated officially and doesn’t want to be. She is now accustomed to doing so much paperwork and this is a regular topic of contention for her and Orpheus. It’s not serious contention more like when there’s nothing happening he starts asking which annoys her bc in actuality she doesn’t know who she wants to be (jumpstarts her hanging out with Hank and Dean again)

Thats all I got for now! Tanks for the ask and for waiting!

[uhgood-girl]

i haven't had a chance to fully form this thought yet so bear with me while i explore my own brain but my immediate response to this is i think two things can be true at the same time.

this is me playing devil's advocate with both you and myself, tbh. if you do not enjoy borderline pedantic over thinking, i recommend you turn back now.

i watched the entirety of standing next to you with my jaw on the floor. beyond seeing jk in what i would consider to be the epitome of his element, the arrival of all that experience and hard work and raw talent finely honed, culminating in the absolute pop perfection that is both that song and performance... well, i've made a joke on here before about my brains inability at this stage to not insert jikook into things. i could maybe help it if i wanted to (i can stop at anytime, says the alcoholic 🥴) but i don't want to because i'm having fun and i've made friends with the brain worms. they're my brain worms, who are you take them from me.

i have also mentioned jikook being it's own form of pattern recognition drug for mine, obviously, and probably other's more neuro-spicy tendencies. once you have seen and unlocked the code, it's really hard to turn the goggles off.

so let's talk about patterns. what is a pattern? a pattern is lmao no, i'm kidding, i don't think i need to define this for you but i guess when i say pattern here i'm referring to what a lot of people often call coincidences. (have i lost you already bc of this word? i know people throw it around often here, but again, bear with me) coincidences can become patterns if they repeat enough. how many coincidences does it take to form a pattern? three, i believe, is the universally accepted number but that feels so small when i type it out, much less think about it, tbh. but i suppose in the discourse of coincidences, something that reoccurs without apparent connection, (traveling strangers who keep ending up in the same cities together, you and your friend always texting each other at the exact same time, two people in a band who keep mysteriously referencing things that connect them in a particular sort of light) bc of the unlikelieness of their serendipitous nature, it makes more sense. and because i want to discuss this in a more tangible form and i believe humans to be meddling by nature, i think coincidences become patterns, beyond the number three, when intent enters the equation.

was that a very long way to say that despite the fact that jk didn't write any of the lyrics himself and is quoted in the article above as telling people to not take things too literally that i'm still going to intuit some autobiographical meaning from them? well, yes. i guess so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

because ✨context✨(glass closet and comp het in particular). a context that i fully admit i am abscribing to the situation myself but if you're reading this i assume you're already in this boat with me, it's your context too, at least tangentially (GUILTY, your honor) by association. the entirety of any jikook argument has to exist in this space and to have gotten here at all required taking some liberties, a certain reading between the lines that is a tightrope of wanting to respect what someone says outloud and at face value while being aware few things are ever black and white (minus the infamous couple in question bah bum tiss 🥁).

if it feels different to you bc it's something he explicity expressed, that's totally fair. i've been back and forth about it a few times myself and maybe i'll feel differently tomorrow. but rn, this is where i'm at and this is all just spitballing at the end of the day, no?

in an attempt to not be accused of only picking and choosing the lyrics that suit my (gay) agenda, it feels worth pointing out that the lines i find applicable to jikook are not literal. as in while i fully believe jk could probably do anything he set his big, beautiful heart out to do, leaving someone's body golden like the sun and moon is unlikely. ( the jikook relevance is in it's choice, why that particular metaphor) and despite being more in the realm of possibility, i don't really believe he's fucking seven days a week either. his agreeance to the use of female pronouns in some songs and even the women in his music videos are a. the comp het standard for this worldwide pop boy takeover (inarguably) and b. don't automatically negate any potential underlying queerness of the artist himself. so when he sings she (is there even anything in the lyrics beyond the pronoun itself that could only refer to a cis woman? hell, does "she" only have to refer to a cis woman in this day and age? jimin is v in touch with his anima these days, don't kink shame :P) I'm taking that as an artistic liberty the same way I'm taking something like it's deeper than the rain. and the latter rain line only stands out to me because, again, broader context.

he didn't write any of the song lyrics but he was there for every step of the production and still approved what actually made it on to the album. he didn't write there for you, the song in gcf tokyo either but i dare you to go find a jikook argument about that video that doesn't list that song and its lyrics as evidence. he didn't write them but it's definitely something he cares about and is very aware of. i doubt anything was chosen without some degree of thought. which brings us full circle back to coincidences vs patterns and intent.

do i think the lyrics a lot of us collectively recognized as jikook coded, even if you respectfully don't want to read that far into it, were a coincidence this late in the game? ain't no way lmao. our jikook roads are paved with these sort of "coincidences." you think they weren't apart of the appeal? helped boost it right to main track status? maybe if it had just been the lyrics, without any of the imagery in the video (i would love to know how much creative direction he had here too, i hope we find out) to back it up, but between that not straight red line of fate, the black swan like wings, the dancing in front of the sun painting, the two households, both alike in dignity, in fair verona where we lay our scene aka the forbidden love vibes, etc. - it's too much for this sad little hyper-fixated romantic queer, personally lol.

so, i think two things can be true at the same time! i'm sure a lot of the songs and their implications have no autobiographical meaning to them beyond a universally relatable conversation and narrative about love, i do believe him. i think based on all the responses and feedback his first releases got, making a statement such as the one in the article was a good? pr move if nothing else too and definitely in line with what we have come to expect around an industry that bts is both sort of moving away from but still restricted by at this stage. if you've read any of my other ramblings so far on this site, you'll know i operate from a place of the more smoke screen around all this (this being a potential romantic relationship between jikook) the better, bc at the end of the day i want all of bts more than anything safe, happy, and free to pursue whatever creative fancy they can dream. them building a level of plausible deniability into this sort of stuff protects them. i will remain a broken record on that point.

but bc of the larger context of jikook as a whole and my belief that jk is both clever and also a romantic at heart, i'm going to take these crumbs and go. 🚗💨 i'm not in any sort of who can be the more superior, rational delulu competition, we're all in our own little clown cars no matter your chosen dressings until proven otherwise. that's the nature of this whole shebang, bby. 🤠👉👉

def feel free to come respectfully argue with me though, i'm never here to convince anyone but i enjoy these conversations and i love other people's perspective. are you ignoring the standing next to you jikook bait?

[maxiemcsoda]

Hand over some Teruya/Kinji headcanons‼️

hihi! sorry for takin so long on this!! i was doing splatoons grand festival all weekend!!

but yes i can give u some of my thoughts on these guys >:)

adding a read more bc it got a little long whoopsie

ok so first off! my sexuality + gender hcs for them;

- kinji is transmasc and nonbinary (they/he) and he's gay (mlm, nblm, nblnb), his identity causes him some distress due to his role in the church and his father being generally unaccepting of queer identities (he also hides his true identity when at home, hopes peak is the first time hes publicly himself)

- teruya is agender (he/him) and gay as well, he does not struggle with his identity, but he did take a while to realize he only liked boys/non-women. he rly thought his dad wanted him to marry a woman, but it turns out his dad is very pan and doesnt care who he dates as long as hes happy :)

ive got a couple different scenarios that i have different scenarios based on what happens in them and ill just list some stuff from all of em

firstly the general stuff that happens no matter what !

- teruya is initially appealing to kinji simply because he's loud but not in your face about it (usually), kinji also really respects that teruya stands very firm on his beliefs

- teruya also has a really good memory, so he remembers gifts and things that kinji likes, he just gives him stuff he likes every now and then, and kinji finds it really sweet

- teruya also makes silly accessories for kinji, theyre all tacky and rainbow themed but he doesnt mind :)

- they both really enjoy healthy food so they end up bonding over that

- kinji eventually gets adopted into teruyas friend group (haru, satsuki, kiyoka), they got along in the gambling extra event (minus kiyoka), so i think theyd be friends!

- kinji ends up close with kiyoka who can see right through him, she KNOWS he likes teruya, but she wont pressure him (too much)

- also teruya just thinks that kinji is so pretty :)

next up is the stuff i have for the ch 3 survivor au (i will get/have gotten to a lot of this in art, so ill probably have less here)

- teruya is initially stuck with kinji because he is the only one who has medical knowledge (they say this ingame), and due to this he ends up being the closest with kinji

- despite teruyas lil breakdown in ch 4, kinji still ends up defending him in the trial due to having gone through something similar previously, and this is kinda when it clicks for real that teruya might like kinji more than he thought

- they both bond over how much they value family, teruya with his dad and kinji with the church kids being the most valued people in their lives. they both respect this about each other immensely over it

- teruya and kinji grow closer after being kind of outcasted in ch 5. teruya had recently lost his two friends, and tsurugi, rei, akane, yuki, and mikako are either standoffish, not willing to get close, or out of commission for one reason or another. they get much closer in this chapter

- they dont actually become a thing until after they escape

now i have stuff that happened if there was no killing game

- without the killing game, they would just be more of acquaintances longer, since the game isnt there to push them to interact

- eventually kinji is the first to realize he does like teruya, and this causes Internal Religious Conflict for him. being a catholic priest means that you cannot love anyone above anyone else your love must be equal. along with this, if kinji chooses to stop being a priest while in high school, he will no longer be able to attend hope's peak, as he would basically be giving up his title.

- kinji suffers from religious trauma, despite the fact that he finds comfort in his religion. this is because most of the guilt weighing on him is caused by his father, so they are rather estranged.

- this trauma isnt something thats fixed relatively easily, but to keep it short, teruya does eventually try to help him become his own person and cope with the trauma. teruya's free spirit really helps this.

- after graduation, kinji would likely prefer to be a pastor over a priest so he can have more freedom with romance.

- he also ends up working at otori mart with teruya, and they have a lil garden together at their home :)

one more extra thing! topic of marriage and kids!

- in any au where kinji lives, so like all of the above, teruya is intending to ask kinji to marry him, its just whether or not the killing games happening defines if he gets to or not

- when they do marry, kinji takes teruya's last name

- in a very specific branch of the kinji survivor au, which i call foundation baby au (this au hinges on mikado never starting the sdra2 killing game), kinji and teruya have a child (through a surrogate mother, setsuka!) named Takara!

- teruya wants to be a good dad like his father, and kinji already likes to take care of children, so its only natural that theyd want one of their own

- Takara calls teruya "papa" and kinji "daddy"

- they raise takara in a way where they can choose their identity and whether or not they believe in religion. takara has found out that they identify as nonbinary and gay (like fathers like child) and that they do want to take part in kinji's religion, they just dont do it as much

- takara interacts with everyone at the kisaragi foundation in some way, theyre like their big mostly-happy family!

- kinji and teruya are very good parents!!

[timeausterrors]

hello! this is for the thoughts on homestuck! i think it's interesting how you can read the beta kids as the different troubles a kid could face growing up and, frankly in my opinion, john is no exception. i feel like his upbringing is emblematic of like... you can grow up in a good community in a happy household with a loving father and still not come out of it okay because it's not that simple. he reads SO clearly to me as that experience kids have with mental illness- you don't know what's going on other than there's something wrong with you, because nobody saw any reason to tell you anything else was a possibility. not to mention when you consider it in the transgender context. it's all the little unfortunate side effects of the classic suburban lifestyle that pile up on top of each other- by all means you should be happy, but here you are, just as discontent as all the rest of your friends. ...looks at the big textblock and starts sweating. john makes me feel a lot of emotions if you couldn't tell. i just think he's neat.

yes!! i hardly ever see true analysis of june, especially in early acts, which is wild because she is literally the Main Character. and there is really so much to explore with her, especially when it comes to her emotional struggles and connections with people.

SORRY I WENT OFF A BIT...

june has got to be one of the most heavily autistic coded characters in homestuck, which is saying something bc almost all of them can be read as some form of neurodivergent/mentally ill (or both). but june, specifically, is interesting because, as you said, she had the most "normal" upbringing of all of the kids, both alpha and beta, and by far has the hardest time making connections with people. she has a tendency to derail conversations towards her interests ('shitty' movies) and it often feels like making connections of events to her movies helps her process and relate to those events. she often takes people at their face value, and struggles to pick up on sarcasm or tone through text, and is very gullible because of it (terezi tricking alt june to fight her denizen early, then not taking dave or davesprite seriously until the last minute – she either believes everything someine tells her or nothing, depending on her pre-established notions of the person).

all of these make genuine relationships and connections difficult to build with june. the theme of loneliness with her is Extremely prevalent throughout the comic, even in the snapchat epilogues. she is like the manifestation of undiagnosed autism in children (especially young boys who are trans and dont know it yet). she has a caring dad and a 'good life' but her struggle to make irl connections and that feeling of knowing Something is different about you (or something is "wrong" with you) but not understanding what it is... i feel a lot of that is why june resonates with people.

this is not even going into detail about june's trans coding (be it intentional or not on hussie's end, a good portion of the kids have very real trans coding that i wish more people would appreciate cough cough jake, jane, eridan, the zahhaks.... cough cough cough) or her role in the narrative as both a breath player and a main character... it all paints and extremely compelling picture of this character and i really wish more people would appreciate her!!

sorry for da word wall... june also makes me feel a lot of emotions 🥹

[sketchyelvenasss]

1, 6, and 30 for Azlo from the codex prompts :)))

Thank you for the ask! Sorry I took a hot minute to do these

1. A letter to Rook about their exile

Would it be cheating to put Viago’s cannon letter here? Bc I love it haha

Hey Snowball, A couple of contacts of mine told me how the Talons reacted to your daring rescue. I for one, am very glad you showed up when you did kid. After seeing your work I have a proposal for you. Instead of being sent to whatever boring place is going to get you out of Antiva, you come work with me? I need help tracking down an old friend. It will probably take a while, and surely dangerous. I know that’s vague, but I’ll explore in person, promise. I would like my chances of finding him a whole lot more with your help.  Varric

6. Healer’s summary of treatment for Rook’s wounds

(Written in hasty, scratchy text.)

Diagnosis: 2nd degree burns on the face, neck, chest and right inferior lateral, right hand and forearm. Treatment: close the ruptured blisters with magic, treat wound with antiseptic and balm, wrap with gauze- replace at least every 24hrs Diagnosis: singed cornea with signs of damage to retina. Damage irreparable. Suggested treatment of removal was refused. Treatment: medicinals and cold compress to reduce inflammation and pain. change compress every 4hrs

(A letter next to the notes is written a scratchy, but slightly more legible text)

Viago, I have no idea how the boy survived the ignition of the fire, nor the flame itself, and much less how he managed to navigate himself out of the building.  The fact that he was conscious the day after initial treatment is a miracle. It will be a long road to fully recover, but I don’t doubt he will.  Do stop by when you can, as he’s been asking to see you. —Apothecary Karraak

30. A note/letter Rook never sent

(A crumpled letter that can be found in Rook’s room after completing Inner Demons and A Friend in Need. The penmanship is slightly messy as if written with a shaky hand.)

To the both of you, I was never really the type of person that did a lot of self reflecting. I took my reality at face value and did what needed doing so that I would live another day. I was okay like that, but the two of you. Both of you changed that. The time we were together, the blood we’ve spilt, and horrors we survived made me realize that I was never really happy before. After I realized the depth of your feelings and how comfortable affection could feel, I know it was selfish of me to want to keep things going with you both. But let it not be said I didn’t try.  I know you must need some space right now, but I hope once this is all over we can still be friends. I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for the memories, I will treasure them.

(He wrote it thinking his confession that he loved both of them would essentially end the relationship they had for all of them.)

[lilac-udon]

oh no I’m clowning myself again

As a basil defender

Most people stand w sunny and how often I see online is “basil ruins Sunny’s life ” . Would argue sunny ruined his life unintentionally, and basil actively chose to jump into the water with him. I can imagine basil never think that far into the consequences of his actions but the first instinct is to help Sunny. I can’t understand why basil did what he did ,and for me I do felt it’s overkill. My explanation is the writer needs it to be this extreme to connect the plot(and shock value . If sunny and mari are both basils friends, I cannot think of why he would throw Mari into the bus like that(I’m saying, thinking mari is already dead, need to save Sunny, but not in the point or any idea of, saving mari. He see Sunny action , but on the other hand he accepts mari is dead already too quickly in my taste)(I mean I don’t understand basil a lot a lot, I just don’t make sense but also he probably get push to do something because he think he is the only one to rely on when Sunny is suffering at that moment,add the point of he never really have parents supervise him, I guess that add a possibility of him not seeking others (parental figure) help but trying to fix stuff on its own. I have theory of he mostly solve stuff on his own, and no one helps or guides him, and he might be the one taking care of his grandma more than his grandma taking care of him

(((no , I will tell u this, a lot of people don’t like to think about any reason for basil bc they “hate basil” . I read other ship involving sunny and see how many write basil should get hate by his actions))))(((not that u can’t hate a character but , write it from another character lens(besides hero), ok cool?) (ah I know I ask too much, cute ship fluff no canon involved because it’s too much sure whatever)

I want to point out how much he valued to “help ”Sunny in that moment than anything else. Even it’s a very very awful idea. But I also want to say, as passive as Sunny is, didn’t he also ruined basil life. And the lack of people see it this way just annoys me, what did you mean basil deserved it, where if basil never met sunny he could at least had a normal childhood ; but for Sunny , sunny still needs to face the reality of mari is gone, wether or not basil is there to help him “cover up ”?

I always see both of them are in the wrong, even though so many people see them as cute little meow meows , nooo . Especially sunny, sunny is passive, but he is not entirely blank(I don’t know how to explain but I always use “cute” to explain?) this is more of my taste I guess, but I really like to put Omori characters into sunny as well, I see omori as what he is thinking, sunny just has the issue to showing all those thoughts he have. They are good kids but sunny has this attitude (read Omori note) removing it from him making him so cute and eepy as soft is just not how I imagine sunny I guess; ; ( where is his dark thoughts and edginess?

Basil being overall kind ? Huh, there is also this very weird thing of Basil literally shut off himself to only interact with sunny a tiny bit. After the incident he cut off from most of his friends. I think I don’t know how to think about him because there is too little information then from Omori point of view of dream basil (I can believe omocat probably don’t know too or probably very simple but I or the fandom over complicated him) I just always felt he do favor sunny, but that also can be explained he doesn’t know what to do and can only open with sunny because sunny literally causes them both in the dumpster. Or can think as he IS really this kind, waiting for sunny to do something than just snitching sunny, you know if he hate sunny or anything, he can twist the story or just tell it before sunny think through his trauma but he didn’t

Also to point out, sunny at the end of the game did somehow get a conclusion of his thoughts but not basil, just pointing out, we don’t know how he feels, he probably has unresolved trauma +the guilt of hurting sunny, also we are not sure if he is ok sunny just spell the beans like that, he might just want to talk with sunny but haven’t prepared to share it w his friends yet so yeah, I hope they are on the same page (someone reminded me that his something disappeared , so they are both fine)

Add

So sunny eye, I always see it as an apology of ruining basils life, but most people think it’s too much

[napping-sapphic]

Hello! I have a Situation and its totally cool if you're not able to give advice but im looking for advice anyway bc im autistic and have no idea how to navigate romantic situations.

So ive had a friend since i was 12 her pronouns are she/they so i will be using both. Im now 20 and they're 21. I've known I like girls since i was 13. And shes pan.

So, in the past, ive had like fleeting thoughts of dating/kissing them but i usually just shake my head and think "nah i cant possibly want to date her bc they're my best friend, i just have very strong platonic feelings." Like Very Strong. Ive literally said that i will always compare my feelings for a future romantic partner with my feelings for her bc they're so strong.

So im honestly not sure if i would know if i was in love with someone unless it hit me in the face, and i am currently feeling like it has hit me in the face. I woke up at like 4 am last night from a dream just thinking "omygosh im in love with her" and ive been journaling and thinking all day ahout my feelings and im starting to think ive just been in strong denial/oblivious about my feelings. Both bc im autistic and have difficulty identifying emotions and bc im demiromantic and rarely experience romantic attraction so i dont have much experience with it.

I guess the point of this ask is about any advice you can give regarding knowing if i actually have romantic feelings and if i do,, like what do i do about it??? Should i tell them? We have a really strong friendship and i dont wanna make her uncomfortable. I think ill be okay not acting on my feelings but its been literally less than 24 hrs since realizing my feelings might be romantic and i dont know if it will be difficult to hide or what to do about it. They're also like my only close friend so i cant just ask her what to do like i would normally, which is why im asking you.

Again, i understand if you cant answer this bc its a pretty personal situation but i would appreciate any advice.

Thank you! :)

Ahh once again prefacing with the fact that I am really Not Qualified to give advice on most things😅 but I can give you my take as an outsider on the situation and with my (very limited experience) in case that might help you at all, but again really take all of this with a LARGE grain of salt i am a VERY unqualified stranger on the internet so most of what i say is probably nonsense😅

I feel like this is like my go to advice but I’d say just wait it out tbh, as someone who was in capital L love with their childhood best friend for a while it really just came down to time for me. It took a while for me to be sure whether the feelings were romantic or platonic for SURE. Especially since the platonic love stayed for me even when the romantic love began🤷‍♀️ it made it extra tricky to tell lol.

My ‘oh this is NOT just platonic’ realization came from YEARS of excessive thinking about them, WAY too much jealousy when they dated other people, a LOT of thoughts and urges about holding their hand, a lot of comparing them to people i had passing crushes on, and (i kid you not) an embarrassing amount of love poems teenage me wrote about them lol😅

However! The slow process and thinking it through also lead me to the conclusion that i did NOT want to date them. Being a couple just wouldn’t work for us and I value them so so so SO much as my best friend and really need them in my life as that separate, constant, platonic relationship that I deeply love and care for. It works better for us than any sort of dating could🤷‍♀️ not to mention all of our other clashing traits that just wouldn’t work if our relationship was romantic. And now I’m honestly really not romantically interested in them anymore, they’re just my best friend and always will be :)

I dont think it’s too unusual to fall a bit (or a lot) romantically in love with a best or close friend, I think the more important thing to recognize is whether it’s something worth acting on, that you’re willing to act on, and that will be good for both of you to act on

So I’d say ruminate on it! There’s no pressure to figure it out, if you start getting too preoccupied with it you can try talking it through with them, not even as a confession type thing, you can simply have a conversation letting them know you’re a little confused or wanting their opinion if you think they’ll be receptive to it. Best I can tell you is that there’s no clock on figuring it out, there’s no “right” way to define what type of love you feel, and to remember that either way you’ve got a great person in your life. I’m very sorry I can’t be more help and if anyone has any other advice feel free to leave it in the notes for this person! Good luck to you and I hope you find what you’re looking for soon <3!!

[fruk-choosing-a-username]

YOU ALL GET TO HEAR MORE ABOUT MY OBLIVION BLORBO FROM MY BRAIN WORMS

I was tagged by @lucien-lachance for the OC Infodump Tag Game!! Once again using my Oblivion OC Colonir, because Oblivion is what my brain is currently fixating on. My 3 brain cells pass around Oblivion and Baldur's Gate like blunts

Tagging anyone who wants to participate! Putting this under a cut bc holy fuck do I RAMBLE

________________________________________

Colonir Gladethorn Info Dump

________________________________________

1. What is your OC's name? How did you choose it? Were there any other names you considered?

- Colonir Gladethorn is his full name, I just used a bosmer name generator and combined the options that came up until one sounded good lol. His name actually used to be a dumb nickname (forgot what it was), and when I started thinking of what his "real" name would be I realized the real name was way better than the nickname and threw the nickname out entirely

2. How was your OC raised? What kind of background?

- Colonir was raised in Valenwood, but he was raised by a dumner named Veinis Raladayn. His parents died shortly after he was born, and Veinis was a friend to them both that was visiting Valenwood to get out of Morrowind for a while (if my timeline and math is correct, Colonir's birth was around the time of the events of TES 3). When they died, he decided to raise Colonir himself. He stayed in Valenwood so Colonir could grow up in his homeland. They lived in Arenthia specifically. Unfortunately they were pretty poor most of his life. He got into thievery and got in trouble with the law often, and was also always a pretty dark and fucked up kid. As a teen he would get into a lot of fights, and was pretty much the elder scrolls equivalent of the weird quiet kid. He would say horrible and violent things to people and Veinis would have to pull him aside like "DUDE YOU CAN'T SAY THAT STUFF".

3. What kind of values do they have? How were they instilled in them?

- Not really sure if Colonir really has any values. I suppose one could be he only worries about himself and anyone he actually does care about. He'll do deeds and jobs for people around Cyrodiil, but only if it benefits him in some way. Because of growing up poor and often being outcasted for being "weird" or "messed up", he ended up living most his childhood with a "the world vs me" mindset. He generally still has that mindset. He doesn't show how angry with the world he actually is, and he'll get in the habit of hiding his violent intrusive thoughts and be much more tame, but they're still there...

4. What does your OC look like? Have they had other designs? How has their look changed?

- I designed Colonir in game for the first time in 2020 when shit hit the fan and I wanted to try Oblivion again after trying and failing to play it years before. I stuck with that first design ever since, and he's only ever had small tweaks since then. He's Bosmer, so he's short, but he's also pretty well built. Not like, body builder level or anything, but one of his major skills is athletics so yeah. He's also kinda thicc. Because why not. He has slightly tanned skin, of course the long pointy ears, his eyes are green, and his hair is light blue and shoulder length. He usually ties his hair into a low ponytail and has curtain bangs. His face is round in shape and he has a bigger, kinda pointy nose. He doesn't have any scars or anything until YEARS later (that's his Skyrim design, Colonir in Skyrim is a whole other story)

5. Does your OC have a family? What do they define as family?

- As mentioned, he never knew his real parents because they died very shortly after his birth. Veinis is his adoptive father, and he always saw him as his real dad. He cares a lot about him and wishes to repay him for all he did for him throughout his childhood (and for putting up with him). However, there's the Dark Brotherhood too. He will very much believe they are his family as he gets accustomed to that life and grows closer to them all. It's one of the many reasons he loves Lucien so much: after he left Valenwood and ended up in this new province with no one to go to, Lucien gave him more people who understand him that he can truly trust. He gave him another family.

6. Does your OC have a mentor or someone they can look up to? Why do they look up to them?

- I'd say as a mentor, Veinis fits the bill for Colonir. No matter how shitty things got for them, Veinis stayed cheerful and positive. No matter how badly Colonir fucked up, Veinis bailed him out and remained patient with him. He worked very hard to make Colonir happy, because he knew how much he hated their situation and how upset it always made him. He taught him the skills of his class, everything he knows about archery and sword fighting, and combat in general. Damn good guy to choose as a mentor for this fucked up little elf

7. What has been the most significant event in your OC's life? How has this affected them?

- Oh god. There's so many. This twink has been through a ROLLERCOASTER. How about when he joined the Dark Brotherhood for the first time, and found a place to embrace the dark violence in him he always tried to control or hide? Or when the love of his life that gave him this new life was flayed alive and hung in front of him? And then he was thrown into a position of power he didn't think he deserved and ran away from the Brotherhood to avoid it? Or when he stepped into an Oblivion Gate for the first time and realized how fucked everyone really is? Then there's the whole "am I a hero or a villain" crisis he has through the entire main questline. He finds comfort and a friend in Martin but hey guess what HE LOSES HIM TOO. But it's okay because before Martin died Lucien came back, he never really died! So now Colonir can go back to his Listener duties! But wait, he's the Champion of Cyrodiil now, he'd be lying to the people and disrespecting everything Martin sacrificed himself for. He won't get over that until he becomes a vampire and almost gets enslaved by a deadric prince he went to for help. After that he'll realize the world is fucked up sometimes, and that the people of Cyrodiil don't need a saint, just someone willing to fight off the fucked up shit. Honestly this whole thing is a lot more complex and makes more sense in more detail, but if I go into any further detail this post will be the length of a novel

8. Who does your OC care about? Is it reciprocal?

- As mentioned already, he cares about Veinis and the Cheydinhal DB members as family. He also sees Martin as a best friend, and comes to respect the Blades as well, and becomes good friends with Jauffre and Baurus. Finally, he is MADLY in love with Lucien Lachance. Borderline OBSESSED with the guy. Heart eyes around him 24/7. All of his relationships with these characters are reciprocal in the respective ways (although for Mraaj'Dar it took a while LOL)

9. What are your OC's hobbies? How do they relax?

- Stealing. His hobby is stealing. And hiking through forests. He often relaxes by training. He likes feeling prepared and staying on top of his skills. Otherwise he's eating or sleeping lol

10. What should we understand most about your OC?

- He's really not a TERRIBLE guy. Yeah, he's an assassin and a thief and has "violent thoughts". SURE he emotionally manipulated the Grey Prince so he could beat him easier. MAYBE he killed Vilena Donton because he hated her so much and that landed him into a murder cult he now leads. But he's not like the fuckin Dark Urge from BG3 ok??? .... Except for the "leading a murder cult" part. I always saw him as morally grey. Still pretty evil, but he's capable of being "good" when he has to be. He didn't want to be a big shot hero, but he didn't want to see the world end either. He still lives in it, and so do the people he's come to care for.

[rexhya]

louis ˚ପ⊹ L. W.

{ click here to learn more about how powers, elements, space, time, and creatures work on this here earth. as well as the setting and where louis's life takes place }

General Information : { for ↯ }

Full Name : Louis Lupaul Watergate : 🪼

Nickname (s) : Lou { Mom } , Loui [ pronounced loo-ee ] { Rueben }, Paul { Dad }

Age : 16

Height : 5'9 { 175 cm }

Weight : 153 lbs { 69.4 kilo's }

Birthday : May 22nd 3202

Gender : Male { he/him }

Species : Human ◡̈

Race : Blasian

Ethnicity : Portuguese

Blood Type : O-

Occupation : Collage Student at University of New Port Isalnd

Allergies : most sea foods

Likes & Dislikes :

Likes

ChiChi { his pet bird }

His Mom

Math

Piercings

Dislikes

Collage

His Dad

Tattoos

Hobbies : Doing math problems ( yes for fun 😭 ), Finding new places to pierce his body, stargazing.

Physical Appearance : 🐋

HAIR ;; i almost forgot his hair. it's jet black and down too his back. any dye he tries to use on it hardly lasts a week, strange condition he's had, doesn't bother with it anymore. it's in a messy sort of curly way that people always say he should cut, kinda mangled, not too much, he's busy. also dark blue eyes, like, dark-dark he's not some freak like gojo, they're not so noticeable if you dont pay close attention.

FACE;; helllaaa piercings, but usually doesn't wear all of them at once to stray from looking "scary looking". { hardly matters bc he constantly looks dead but it's the thought that counts } he's dark brown and his eye bags are unmatched, that's why people say he's dead, because he perpetually looks tired and drained. the first thing you would probably notice about him is his eye bags. on his left ear, he has a double heilix, and 3 normal studes on his lobes. on his right ear he has a gauge { medium sized } and a conch. on his nose he has a bridge, and a septum { least favorite } and on his eyebrow he has a vertical peircing. on his lips he has dolphin bites { his favorites } which concludes all 9 peircings ( and counting ) louis has aquired. { again, he doesn't usually wear them all at the same time, the ear piercings and bridge stay in more often though } he also has a tiny little mole on the back of his neck near his hair.

BODY ;; kinda skinny, not much muscle mass but not skin and bones. people often tines describe him as being pretty androgynous but he could never tell. no marks or scars { yet } but he does have a little nick on his lip from when he fell over as a kid. he's left-handed and has really bad posture { college is really not nice to him } but is actively working on it { he's got a professor that has a really bad hunch which motivates him to sit up straight }

ATTIRE ;; his usual attire is warm clothes, trench coats, turtle necks, dress pants, casual formal things like that. occasionally you might see him in some extra casual street wear or something similar however his mother usually disapproves so he sticks to what he knows best. { clothes like his father unfortunately }

General Traits : 🐋

good : disciplined, tolerant, kind, can read a room.

bad : silently judges you, a bit aloof, impatient.

Personality Type : 🐋

INTP-T -> he's curious, and kinda scrambled, but smart. He can be sociable when he wants to although he's kinda forced to in his courses. he's an introvert at heart so any alone time he can get he values greatly.

he doesn't have "trouble" per say, making friends but I can't say he has a lot { he literally has one } . He isn't very talkative either but can really get to yapping if you ask the right questions.

he wants to understand everything in the universe, all the creatures, people, stars, animals, every living, breathing, moving thing he can get his hands on. { why he's traning to become a certified space voyager }

he's a sponge, he soaks up information quickly and is driven by curiosity. as he retains more, and new information { whatever the topic may be } he's easy to change his perspective on said topic when new information arises.

he's honest, but not insensitive, he won't say something nice but rather not say anything at all, it's what he believes is the safest, best option for most sticky situations.

people sometimes can see him as aloof, disconnected or distant and he is, but he isn't unfriendly or anything, maybe a little awkward and unthoughtful but not mean. the type of person to

he's also a bit of an overthinker, not on purpose but he tends to over analyze things to the point where he ends up nowhere, again, brain habit not on purpose.

Self Perception : 8/10, views himself to be pretty good at math and pretty okay at everything else. likes himself.

Other Information : 🐋

Multi-lingual? : Nah, He only speaks Ęňġľßħ mostly because his Dad wasn't around to teach him Portugese and his Mom hardly knows any. { and when his Dad was actually around he didn't speak it much so there was no hope in that }

Fears/Phobias : sleeping apparently/j the bags worsen everyday. Drowning,

Quirks : pulls up his dolphin bite when he's thinking, dye's his hair as soon as the next color runs out, cleans fingernails, has horrible handwriting.

Good Habits : really polite, takes the trash out on time.

Bad Habits : being disorganized & organized at the same time, overcrowding himself with work, biting his finger nails.

Pet Peeves : dirty bathrooms, cluttered rooms that aren't his own.

deep ⚓️ sea dive 🤿 with louis ≈

deepest secret : he misses his dad ᴖ̈

deepest fear : finding out there's actually something wrong with him like he thinks there is { super-powers incoming }

biggest regrets : getting so many peircings over the years

biggest insecurity : he feels like hes a coward a lot of the times, it bothers him more than you would think. he feels a sense of responsibility to stand up for people but somehow, doesn't.

RELATIONSHIPS | 🌌 { galaxy galore ! }

#make friends louis :

Family : { intermediate }

Mom ;; very good, he loves his mama just as much as she loves him, he's very much a mama's boy. not like their relationship is perfect or anything theyre son and mother—it's not supposed to be, but there hardly any turbulence really. the only times things get rocky is when he feels like she's keeping secrets from him { which, she is } but he usually drops it because the conversation goes no where.

Dad ;; kinds shit, dad left when he was like 8 and only appears every 3 years. he wishes his mom would spill about his whereabouts or even a sliver of information about him but nope. she stays shut like pandora's box { resentment incoming } .

Siblings ;; N/A, only child.

Other Main Characters : { friends }

Rueben ;; good ! ◡̈ , she a space freak, he's a water freak, they bond over time. they hardly ever seriously argue and despite there very obvious differences they work well together. especially when mulling the complexities of time, space, and energy...

# que the philosophical deeptalk :

Charles ;; also good, they're little buddies and relate with their human to animal capabilities and struggles. charles kinda see's him has his and ruben's kid they adopted, louis is fine with that since he feels so much younger than them even though he's not.

# que the daddy issues :

Roxy ;; she's got a crush on him but he definitely doesn't reciprocate, she knows this but always says it's because she's 'too young' { she's 19 } . things hardly get awakward like you think they would tho. they can genuinely have conversations without it straying too her feelings and shit like that. she builds machines, { weapons } him and the rest of the crew use them. it's as simple as that. { she'll never forget the time he said she could have a kiss if she locked in to defeat a monster though }

# que the girly scream :

Others : { side characters }

Classmates ;; Has a few aqquaintcess here and there but only one earth friend. { Toxander } His classmates kinda think that he thinks he's too good for them because he's really smart and especially good at math but thats really not the case at all

Professors ;; His teachers like him, he's a good student and like i said before very intelligent plus he stays out of trouble so.

ChiChi ;; it's good of course, he's never had a thing for birds untill he met her { and Rueben of course }

SPECIAL ABILITIES | 🪼 { 🧜🏻‍♂️ }

# i guess that brings me too powers n shit : 🐋

⟣ on a scale of 1-5 stars, untrained ⟢ { ✦✦✦✦✦ / ✧✧✧✧✧ }

untrained : 🪣

physical strength : ✦✦✦✧✧

mental strength : ✦✦✧✧✧

speed : ✦✧✧✧✧

agility : ✧✧✧✧✧

durability : ✧✧✧✧✧

stamina : ✦✦✧✧✧

intelligence : ✦✦✦✦✦

energy : ✦✦✦✧✧

—

special moves :

[ LOCKED ]

[ LOCKED ]

[ LOCKED ]

[ LOCKED ]

—

⟣ on a scale of 1-5 stars, trained ⟢ { ✦✦✦✦✦ / ✧✧✧✧✧ }

physical strength : [ LOCKED ]

mental strength: [ LOCKED ]

speed : [ LOCKED ]

agility : [ LOCKED ]

durability: [ LOCKED ]

stamina : [ LOCKED ]

intelligence : [ LOCKED ]

energy : [ LOCKED ]

special moves : [ LOCKED ]

notice : this is an oc! everything you just read is very much subjective to change and purley for fun ! dont look to deep into it.

[wowowwild]

I was wondering if you would do Polly's Paper Bag for the fic ask meme questions? I would specify questions but I know you love to talk about it so just pick what ever ones you want.

I love doing whatever I want, how did you know?!

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

It just happened. It came out the mind womb that way. Tbh it was all vibes. Kind of wish I had done any sort of outline but it is what it is.

2: What scene did you first put down?

I actually wrote this fic in order but the first chapter was done long before I started working on the rest.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?/4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

I can't answer either of these. This is a crack fic so everything is funny. I love funny lines.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The arcade whole thing. Atrocious. So many things. The popsicle scene in particular was hard but the idea was so funny I couldn't not do it.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

It is different from my other AA fics in that it is a chaptered fic that I did not map out first. I had no idea how the rest of the story was going to look when I started. I've done this before in one other fandom with a couple of fics. Not ideal, but it is how I write my crack fics. Can I really call it that when it's getting a whole fleshed out AU? Yes, bc while I've never done a cocaine, I do write this AU exclusively in the middle of the night when I am in a state I imagine taking drugs feels like. I'm just tired though. Don't do drugs, kids.

7: Where did the title come from?

It is of course from the inciting incident when Trucy and Maya are riling Polly up to get him to place a bet.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

"So the weather today, huh?" is an awkward conversation starter straight from my freshman high school self. I was in an awkward relationship where we straight up didn't talk to each other. We did before and after we dated but not during. Idk what that was about but I did get this fantastic non starter.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Do you know how many times I pitched and scrapped ideas? I don't. Probably a lot. There were so many potentially vastly different versions of this fic. And honestly, it might be superior as a stand alone. Not that I'm not excited for writing part two, I just think people should know part two is asking a different question than part one, and while I don't think part two will undermine part one, I think you should take what see at the end of part one at face value. Mostly I'm talking about the friendships that will turn into romances. I don't want the way these friendships are viewed to be tainted by a romantic future. As someone who is aspec, friendships as they are, are very important to me and they tend to get overshadowed, especially if those friends eventually enter into a committed partnership. I don't want that. Especially for Claypollo, terminally co-dependent besties. I'm afraid people will look at how I've written them and decide I always planned for the Pollycule. I didn't. I just wrote them how me and my best friends act. I'm not dating any of my besties and I never will, this is just how we choose to show our affection, bc we love each other. Love isn't only for romance. So yeah.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

It was always going to be a klapollo story. I wanted to try it out and this is the concept I chose to go with it, bc I'm always a sucker for stupid shenanigans.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I actually finished it. That's a huge achievement for me. Also I made a friend! Tbh that's probably why I'm so gun-ho about the whole thing. Having someone constantly comment when I updated made me look forward to writing the fic and hold it in a high regard. Even though technically speaking it's atrocious. It's about the fun I have with it. Also I'm hilarious and I love reading back my jokes. It's all about the bits.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

So many things. I have changed opinions on certain things since then. I learned that aa6 exists since then (honestly my greatest regret, can you imagine Nahyuta in this fic? Fantastic.). And the ending feels a little clunky, like how they say 'I love you' but it came like super quick. I've already started re-editing some of it, but I'm saving the rest for my re-read before I finish the spin offs that are set during part one and prepare for part two. This might be a trilogy tbh. Unclear. All I know is Ema and Clay are main characters for part two and I haven't really gotten farther than that. And despite 'so many things' being 'wrong' with it, I still really like it.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

Ways to avoid using 'anyways' as a transition. Now I'm very good at that and I feel like my writing flows better bc of it. Still haven't figured out conversations with more than two people despite constantly putting three or more people in a room, though.

[mariesocuniverse]

Byeol’s Relationships: Maknae Line

HanByeol

You know how people say jisung is Chan’s first kid? Yeah that

the same thing basically goes for byeol as well

As much as they clown each other jisung really values her opinions and always asks for it

Whether it be music, lyrics or anything else he always asks Byeol for her opinion

he hasn’t told her this before but he tried writing a song for Byeol to sing solo but he’s too shy about it

also another person she forces to go to bed bc 3racha can wait i’ll fight you all myself if i have to

She’s the sister he never knew he wanted

he gets really sad whenever he does something that disappoints her and doesn’t want her to have that facial expression again

he also very much is very greedy whenever he wants byeol’s love and affection

like what do you mean hyunjin is her favorite? that’s a lie

very clingy and likes to hug and hold her hand whenever they’re going somewhere

he denies it but jisung gets very pouty whenever he doesn’t get enough attention

you know thats ppl who go “Byeoooooooooool” when calling someone? he’s like that

byeol pretends to be annoyed but hasn’t done anything to stop it so everyone knows shes lying

ByeoLix

byeol literally had to do a double take when she heard felix speak for the first time bc that face and voice did not match upon first glance

after that tho?

sun can’t compare with how much these two shine

she didn’t know what it was about Felix but she immediately wanted to become friends with him on sight

she wasn’t surprised at all when felix befriended chan even though chan had his whole dark and edgy persona

Byeol likes to call him her personal energizer

One time he made her brownies when she was on her period and she cried

They’re just so soft with each other it’s so sweet

She was so heartbroken when he got eliminated and needed a moment to take a break

She once again wanted to fight jyp when he came back

sometimes when he speaks english she repeats after him in tiny

Felix’s family jokes that she might be a lost Lee sister that they never knew they had and one of felix’s sisters said byeol might be replacing them

in another world, Lee Byeol would be the biological sibling to Felix

although she’s still very much like family to him even though not by blood :D

he’s very much the person who would go out and be like “Oh noona would like this” or “this reminds me of noona”, etc etc

they both have sections in the rooms of stuff they’ve both for each other

they giggle so much whenever they’re together its honestly so adorable

SeungByeol

this guy right here

Surprisingly these two were very awkward when they first met

Seungmin thought Byeol had a certain aura to her that intimidated him so he felt a little uncomfortable

Byeol did her best to make him feel comfortable while also trying not to push boundaries

But it worked!!!

Sometimes Byeol jokingly says she regrets it bc now?

This boy takes any opportunity to tease her without fail much to her dismay

one little mistake and it wouldn’t be missed by this little shit

seungmin is literally “i can be your angle or i can be your devil” to her

but its all in good fun so she usually lets it go

top tier banter with the two of them and sometimes they don’t stop until someone pulls them apart

he called her cringe once and byeol has never felt more offended in her life

he really is the annoying yet endearing younger brother byeol didn’t know she wanted

whenever seungmin records byeol likes to sit in the recording room and listen bc she likes his voice a lot

seungmin thinks that the two of them have a nice mix of voices and want to do a cover together with jeongin

he likes hearing her sing and play piano bc its calming to him

just a typical sibling dynamic

JeongByeol

Byeol’s baby!

She just has the urge to love and take care of the boy you know?

Does he take advantage of it? Depends on the day

byeol always make sure that jeongin is okay and that he knows he’s talented and worthy of being in the group and debuting

she always has this proud look on her face whenever he’s singing

she ruffles his hair and pinches his cheeks a lot like a grandma

sometimes byeol’s sister likes to joke that he’s basically replacing her as the younger sibling

its not yang jeongin anymore guys in lee jeongin

he accidentally called her mom once and everyone could not stop laughing for a whole five minutes

byeol is like an emotional pillar for jeongin to lean on whenever he needs to talk about anything

he’s the youngest so byeol knows that he needs to be taken care of 

she makes sure his voice is always heard during interviews and hypes him up during variety shows

jeongin also returns the favor by doing things like pulling her away from crowds whenever she gets too far

she’s very much someone he looks up to bc he knows how difficult it is to be in this type of group

he has the mindset of “if its this hard for me, it must be harder on byeol” so he does his best to help byeol even if its the tiniest bit

[livingwithmbc]

Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC)

The past few years have been rocky to put it mildly, not just as a nation or planet, but also personally.

I'm creating this space to share periodic updates and glimpses into what it's like living with metastatic breast cancer (referred to as MBC going forward because I'm lazy and don't like typing it every time) and whatever else I feel like. I don't promise to post consistently, only as I find it helpful and have the time and energy. I do, however, promise to be real, honest, crass, and vulnerable about my experiences. I curse like a sailor and if that isn't for you, no hard feelings, but this may not be the space for you, and that's perfectly okay. I don't particularly enjoy writing, nor am I great at it, but I recognize its value and how cathartic it can be. I've always been a naturally private person as I enjoy my quiet life, but there's nothing private about having BC. Appointment after I'm appointment I remove my shirt and bra as it seems like just about every medical professional needs to feel my breast lump. Just as cancer has invaded my breast, medical traumas began invading my life. Privacy seems almost comical these days, and I was living in denial while thinking I could do this all on my own without needing the support of my friends and family. I was very wrong. I didn't (and still don't) want pity from others. Life never promised to be fair. We don't choose the cards life deals us, but it's up to us to play the hell out of those cards, and I've got a killer poker face. So ask me the questions and I'll respond when I can. This is not a journey in which it's helpful to go it alone and if anything, it's detrimental to try. Something else noteworthy is that I have ADHD (thanks, dad!). As someone with ADHD, my brain jumps around. A lot. This is evident when talking with me but also in my writing as well. Bear with me and welcome to the shitshow.

For those of you that don't know me well (or perhaps at all), I turned 33 last month and work as a mental health counselor in Indiana. I've been married to my saint of a spouse for just shy of a decade and he's been my rock. In 2020, I was gearing up to graduate with my master's in clinical mental health counseling with plans to begin our family shortly thereafter. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans.

During the summer of 2020, my spouse was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma at age 30, after being short of breath for no clear reason, and being gaslit by medical professionals for several months about not feeling well. To say this was a shock was an understatement. Only old people get cancer, I thought, not seemingly healthy and active 30-year-olds. Our plans to begin trying to conceive were temporarily tabled as the focus shifted to my husband's health. I was devastated but chanted the mantra, "this too shall pass". We were told we had to wait at least 2 years to try to have kids due to the intense medications and treatments he was on. He spent months doing aggressive rounds of chemo, all while working almost full time. To say he's my hero would be putting it mildly. It's been about 2 years since his diagnosis and I'm thrilled to report he's still in remission!

Fast forward to early 2022. I noticed some dimpling under one of my breasts, but genuinely didn't think too much of it. Historically speaking, I've never been an overly anxious person, and typically don't worry much until there's truly something to worry about. My spouse encouraged me to schedule an appointment ASAP (he's the worrier). I already had an OB appointment upcoming so I planned to discuss the dimpling then as my neurodivergent brain couldn't handle making more phone calls for appointments and things. Unfortunately, the doctor felt a lump (I couldn't) and the ensuing weeks and months would prove to be an overwhelming whirlwind of fears, appointments, and uncertainties.

I like to think I have a good sense of humor, even if it's dark (I'd argue you have to have dark humor to survive in the mental health field). On Friday the 13th of May I was told my breast biopsy confirmed the worst: I have invasive ductile carcinoma. Jason was nowhere in sight but I would have been more accepting of his existence than me having cancer. I'll never forget the look of pity on the nurse's face delivering that news. I could tell she was going out of her way to try and make me feel better about the diagnosis, saying things along the lines of, "it was caught early, you won't die. You'll be fine." I remember taking the news surprisingly well and not being too phased by it. "I'm going to kick cancer's ass," I thought. I'm stubbornly determined when I set my mind to a task and cancer was no different in my mind. Mind over matter, as they say. Hell, I was even given a BC swag bag on my way out the door. I quickly got scheduled with an oncologist who set up scans, blood draws, the whole gambit. Getting breast cancer at 32 was jarring for the medical providers around me given that I have no family history of breast cancer. Genetic testing was order and I learned that I have an ATM genetic mutation, pre-disposing me to breast cancer and a handful of other cancers. The results were bittersweet as it provided answers to the "why" of cancer early in life, but shifted the initial surgery treatment plan to opting for a double mastectomy. I was generally still in high spirits, and made light of it all, joking about getting a shiny new rack as a silver lining of a shitty situation. When life gives you lemons, make tittyaide, I said. As scan results began to roll in, the plan abruptly shifted. A suspicious spot was found on my sternum and a biopsy confirmed the worst: the cancer had already spread to my sternum, meaning I was now dealing with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, a completely different beast than when BC is caught early. Surgery got cancelled and starting endocrine therapy ASAP was the new plan to try and shrink the tumors. I had no idea that multiple types of BC exist, all with different treatment implications. My specific type is ER/PR+, HER2-, meaning, my cancer feeds off my hormones. The treatment? Reduce the estrogen in my body as quickly as possible and transition me into menopause, thus stifling the cancer's fuel source. In all this scary news, the thing I mourned the deepest (and still do) is the uphill journey I will face to becoming a mom. Chemo made my spouse sterile and I am unable to carry a pregnancy as I cannot stop treatment long enough to sustain a pregnancy. People mean well when they offer comments like, "you can adopt!" but I'm here to tell you how painful and invalidating that response is. There is lifelong grief associated with infertility for those that want biological children. Even if we are able to pursue foster to adoption (the only "affordable" option to becoming a parent), I will always grieve not getting the experience of being pregnant and having biological kids. As cliché as it is, it's true that you don't always realize how badly you want something until it's no longer an option.

MBC, unlike early onset BC, is considered incurable. It's not an instant death sentence, but any doctor will let you know that it's essentially terminal, meaning it's a slow death. Living with MBC is a very, very different experience as there is no end in sight unlike many other cancer experiences. I will be in treatment for the rest of my life. The statistics for long-term survival aren't great, but I know I'm much more than a statistic. My goal is to live the most fulfilling life I can for as long as I can, and I hope that means I'll be around for a very long time. There's nothing like the threat of dying to make you appreciate each and every day, including the people in your life, the jobs, the pets, nature, etc. I believe maintaining a positive mindset while looking for learning opportunities is so important in overcoming any obstacles in life and I am so incredibly thankful for all those that have shown their love and support. If you read all of my ramblings, thank you for your patience. Take time to appreciate and express gratitude for the good things in your life. No matter how bad the circumstances may be, there is always something to be grateful for. <3

[watchmegetobsessed]

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part One (Harry Styles)

a/n: oh my god i am sooo thankful for the love the masterlist got with just so little info about the story! it means so much to me and i really hope i won’t disappoint you with this story! i was planning to post the first part on tuesday but i got excited bc of all the feedback and reactions and decided to start earlier, so here it is, part one of TLABL, a story im kind of proud of and very happy to share! please drop by my ask box or leave your thoughts on the story, i would love to hear everything from you guys!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce

word count: 11.2k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

“I hope you realize this holds nothing against you, we all love and appreciate you and your work, but we had to face some unexpected problems this past year.”

You sit in front of Claire, your boss completely dumbfounded, not even comprehending what she is saying completely. You came to work this morning absolutely oblivious that today is going to be your last day of work at the daycare you’ve been working at for over two years now.

“I’m sorry, but last time you let us in on the budget you didn’t bring up any complication that might have indicated someone could lose their job, so what possible problem could have come up so abruptly?” you ask with a shocked and nervous chuckle. Part of you kind of hopes this is just some stupid joke she is playing on you, but Claire is not one to make games out of such serious things. Letting out a tired sigh she pushes her reading glasses up to the top of her head into her carefully curled hair.

“Look, I’m really trying not to make a big deal out of it, but we had to make some cuts on the budget. The kitchen and gymnasium renovation was completely unplanned and it kicked us in the butt. We are making some changes about the groups this year and it was made that it can be solved with one less person on the team. I’m sorry it had to be you, but the decision had to be made.”

“But why me?” you press. “There are two people who have been working for a shorter period of time here, didn’t I earn your trust during my time here?”

“It’s not about that, Y/N,” Claire shakes her head.

“Then what is this about?”

“If you are so keen on knowing, we’ve… received a few… complaints.” Your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline, this is the first time you’re hearing about it.

“Complaints?”

“Yes. Some parents are not quite the fan of the kind of mentality you are using while teaching the kids.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask, feeling all the blood rushing out of your face. This is starting to get way too nasty. Claire pinches the bridge of her nose before leaning onto her desk, clasping her hands together.

“I know that you are quite the free spirit and want to teach the kids about openness and acceptance, but not everyone is as rainbow as you are. Some kids brought the word home about what kind of books you’ve been reading and we’ve gotten a few concerns about you basically promoting the LGBTQ community for the kids.”

“I’m not promoting, I’m trying to teach them to accept everyone just the way they are, how can that upset anyone?!”

“Well, it does. The committee had to make a decision on who we should let go and many agreed that it might be the safest decision to make it be… you.”

You’re about to faint. You are sure you are about to fall off this chair and just black out. How can someone get mad about you reading stories about acceptance and treating everyone equally? What kind of monster can see it as a bad thing? And now you are losing your job over such a stupid thing that you don’t even feel responsible for.

Though you’d love to stay and try to convince Claire to not let you go, you know the decision has been made and if you’re being honest, you don’t feel comfortable anymore working at a place where parents tell you off for teaching important values for their kids. Sadly, but you sign all paperwork about your immediate parting and you leave Claire’s office to pack your stuff.

“Miss Y/N! Miss Y/N!” Izzy, one of the sweetest girls in your group basically launches herself at you, smashing against your legs as she hugs you happily. “Do you want to see what I just painted?” She blinks up at you with her gorgeous green eyes and your heart breaks that you won’t get to see her again.

“Oh, Sweetie. I have to—you know what? Sure. Show me your painting,” you smile at her warmly. You can’t say no to her, not when this is the last time you get to see her.

As you’re cleaning out your locker in the break room, Heather walks in and stops in her tracks, seeing you with your gloomy face as you pack everything into a cardboard box.

“What the hell are you doing?” she questions right away. The two of you have known each other for years now, you did the same master’s programme and somehow ended up working here together, carrying on the friendship you’ve formed through your school years.

“I was… fired,” you sigh, wincing at the words.

“What?! Why?”

“Apparently, we are having some budget problems with all the renovations that was made recently and unbeknownst to me, some parents have been complaining about my openness with kids so I was the lucky one to part ways with.”

“That’s fucking bullshit! The kids adore you, how can someone complain about something like that?”

“Don’t know, ask them if you ever find out who they are,” you mumble under your breath as you shut the now empty locker closed. “I’m sorry we can’t carpool anymore,” you pout at her.

“No fucks given about that, what are you gonna do now?” she asks, seemingly very bummed at the news that you won’t be working at the same place now.

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I guess I’ll have to find something new if I don’t want to end up on the streets,” you mumble.

“Oh girl, I’m so sorry,” Heather sighs pulling you into a hug. “Why don’t we go out for drinks on Friday? Everything is on me!”

“Don’t act like I’m already broke, makes me feel like a loser.”

“Sorry,” she scowls. “Just want to brighten you up a little. Meet me at seven at that Mexican place, how does that sound?”

“Stuffing my face with nachos and tequila? Sounds like the best plan I could wish for.”

You waste no time arriving home after your worst day at work. You jump right into the job ads, looking for basically anything that might help you out of this impossible situation. Sending your resume to as many places as possible, you get a few callbacks the next few days, but you only make it to one interview on Friday and that doesn’t go well either. The man who calls in for an open position at a private kindergarten turns out to be a total snob and he doesn’t find your free spirit too fitting with the profile of his institution so you get rejected at the end of the interview.

You head out to meet Heather feeling like shit. You’ve been unemployed for four days, but it’s already breaking your spirits.

“You know what? Clair is a bitch for giving in to the complaints,” Heather slams her fourth shot glass on the table with a grimace. “She should have defended you!”

“I’m sure she just didn’t want to get into any disagreement. Some of the parents donate great amounts to the school and Claire would never risk losing that money,” you sigh rolling your eyes.

“Okay, but she is being very… not inclusive,” she narrows her eyes. “Firing someone for teaching the kids openness? Bullshit.”

“I’m just sad I don’t get to see the kids anymore. They really grew close to my heart.”

“The little fuckers can be so damn cute, almost make me want to have one.” Heather sighs, downing another shot before pulling the nachos closer to her. You laugh at her vulgar reaction, she has always had quite a dirty mouth but somehow she controls herself well around the kids. “How has the job hunting been?”

“Horrible,” you growl in frustration. There are not many that offer a good paycheck and the few that does are these posh places that expect you to treat the kids like they are made out of gold which is ridiculous. That’s not how you raise a kid!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sure something will come up soon. Why don’t you look into nanny jobs, have you thought about that?”

“What do you mean?” you furrow your eyebrows, popping some chips into your mouth.

“A lot of people prefer having nannies for their little children, some even want them to move in. My brother’s ex-girlfriend was a live-in nanny for about two years and she earned a shit ton of money, because she didn’t have to pay rent and a good chunk of the food, because the parents just treated her like part of the family and bought groceries for five people instead of four.”

“I’m not sure I’m cut out for that kind of stuff.”

“What, earning money?” Heather scoffs.

“No, living with a stranger.”

“Most of the time the nanny gets like a separated place so it wouldn’t be that bad, but you know what’s good for you. It was just an idea,” she shrugs.

Soon enough you drop any work talk not wanting to ruin the mood. You enjoy some time away from the stress of job hunting and you’re just trying to have fun with your best friend. You start talking about nostalgic memories from college and end up looking up people you graduated with on social media, checking out what they’ve been up to in the past years.

“Alright, I’m gonna go to the restroom quickly, watch out for my drink,” you announce pushing your drink closer to Heather as you head towards the restrooms.

There’s a bit of a line so you stand behind two girls chatting about some cute guy they just met and leaning against the wall you close your eyes for a moment, feeling the drinks hitting you in the head. You’re not used to drinking, haven’t really had the time to get drunk too much lately and it’s saddening to think that now that you’re unemployed, you could black out every day, you wouldn’t have anywhere to show up in the morning.

Getting deep in your thoughts you almost don’t even notice that your phone is buzzing in your pocket. When you finally realize you pull it out of your back pocket and look down at the unknown number with a scowl. You quickly leave your spot in the line and rush out to hear something as you answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I hope I’m not calling at an inconvenient time, I’m Harry Styles and I’m looking to talk to Y/N Y/L/N?” you hear a thick British accent on the other end of the line.

“This is her.”

“Great. Sorry for the late call, I’m Isabelle’s father.”

“Isabelle?” you ask in confusion, the names not really clicking in your head thanks to the shots you’ve been taking.

“Isabelle Styles? Izzy?”

“Oh! Yes! Sorry, yeah. Mr. Styles, what can I help you with?” you ask, not sure why Izzy’s dad would be calling you.

“Well I just recently learned from my daughter that you’re not working at the daycare any longer?” “Uh, yeah. Unfortunately I was fired this Monday…” you awkwardly answer.

“I’m sorry about that. Izzy has been really sad about it, I wanted to ask if you’ve found a new job already?”

“Not yet, I’ve been looking but I haven’t had much luck yet,” you confess.

“In that case I have an offer to make,” he firmly continues and you perk up at his words. “I’ve been thinking about pulling Izzy out of daycare, but I didn’t want to do it until I found someone to take good care of her. You’ve been her absolute favorite and she’s been devastated since you’ve been gone. If you’re up for a job of this kind, I would like to offer you a spot as Izzy’s nanny.”

“Oh!” is all you react, completely not expecting this call.

“I know there are a lot to discuss, but if you’re interested, I would be more than happy to have a chat with you sometime this weekend? To go over the details and see if we can make it work.”

“I, uh… Um, yeah. We can meet, that sounds good. When would it be good for you?”

“How about tomorrow afternoon?”

“That can work.”

“Amazing!” he beams. “I’ll send you the address through text if that’s alright for you.”

“Yeah, of course. When should I be there?”

“Would three o’clock suit you?”

“Absolutely,” you nod, stunned at the turn of events.

“Great, thank you so much, and once again, sorry to bother you on your Friday evening. Looking forward to see you tomorrow!”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles, see you soon!”

You get back in line at the bathroom and then make your way back to the table where Heather gives you a puzzled look.

“Did you take a massive shit or something?” she jokes as you take your seat and stare back at her, still in shock.

“No, I had a very interesting call, actually.”

“With who?”

“Um, Izzy Styles’ dad just called and offered me a job as her nanny.”

Heather almost chokes on her drink, coughing at the news. You hand her a napkin as she dries her chin off from her cocktail.

“Harry Styles wants you to be the nanny of his daughter?” she gasps.

“You know Izzy’s dad?”

“Y/N, everyone knows him! He is the sexiest man to walk this planet and not to mention that he is like stupidly rich! Have you not seen him yet?”

“Not really,” you shrug. “Izzy was picked up by an old woman most of the times, I guess I never worked when her dad came for her.”

“That explains why you’re not squirming already,” she scoffs. “That man is like… crazy hot, I’m telling you. I bumped into him one morning when I guess he was dropping Izzy off, the way he said ‘Pardon me, Darling’ made my knees shake,” she tells you, faking an accent that’s nowhere near what Mr. Styles sounded like on the phone.

“Well, I guess I’ll see him for myself. I’m meeting him tomorrow to discuss details,” you shrug and Heather slams her hand on the table.

“Oh my God! You’re gonna work for Harry Fucking Styles! Get ready because your panties will be soaking wet all the time,” she laughs like a hyena.

“Heather, stop!” you shake your head laughing too.

Following Mr. Styles’ call you decide to cut the night shorter than you intended, not wanting to look absolutely wasted when you meet him. Arriving home to your small, one bedroom apartment you take a quick shower before climbing to bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to collect your thoughts. You told Heather you’re not willing to do the whole live-in nanny thing and Mr. Styles might not even want you to live with them, but now that the option is there, you realize it might not be the worst case scenario. Especially since you’re not really swimming in other job offers and you are in desperate need of anything at this point.

Despite having consumed quite some alcohol the previous night, you wake up at a reasonable hour in the morning, finding a text from Mr. Styles about the address you’d have to be going in the afternoon. You make a quick trip to the grocery store and do some chores before you start getting ready for the meeting. You opt for a simple black dress that reaches your knees and pair it with a little funkier, flower printed blazer to bring some color into the outfit.

Punching the address into the GPS you see that it’s taking you to the outer skirt of the city to the neighborhood that’s known to have some quite luxurious estates and you immediately think back to what Heather said about him being ridiculously rich. Driving down the streets in your old Volkswagen you couldn’t stand out more at a place where at least three cars park on the driveways and one of them is a Ferrari or a Porsche.

There’s a massive security gate under the address that’s your destination and it’s left open so you can pull up to the driveway easily. You park next to a fucking Tesla, finding it extremely funny to see your car next to it, but it is what it is. Walking up to the front door you ring the bell as you take a look at the house that can easily considered to be a mansion. Guessing from the outside there are at least about five bedrooms in it and you can only imagine what other luxurious units are squeezed into it.

Soon enough the front door opens and you find yourself staring back at a breathtakingly gorgeous man, wearing a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black suit pants, his chocolate curls falling to his forehead as his emerald eyes fall on you, a warm smile tugging on his lips.

Shit. Heather was fucking right, you think to yourself swallowing hard.

“Miss Y/L/N, it’s so nice to see you. I’m Harry, Izzy’s dad, come on in!” he invites you inside before a short handshake.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Styles.”

“Please, just call me Harry. I don’t like formalities at home,” he asks you as the two of you walk further inside until you arrive to what looks like a living room, but it’s actually the size of your apartment.

“Only if you call me Y/N,” you smile at him and he nods right away.

“Miss Y/N!” you hear a small voice call out and turning around you see Izzy running down the hallway until she throws herself against your legs.

“Oh, hello Sunshine!” you hum, squatting down so you can hug her.

“I missed you!” she pouts, rubbing her eyes.

“I missed you too,” you smile at her, caressing her soft cheeks before standing up. An older lady walks in, the one you’ve seen picking up Izzy. She approaches you with a friendly smile as she extends a hand towards you.

“Hi, I’m Ruth, it’s nice to meet you.” “Y/N, nice to meet you too.”

“Ruth, would you take Izzy outside while I talk to Miss—erm, Y/N here?” Harry requests. Ruth nods and taking Izzy’s hand she lures her outside to look for ladybugs in the backyard and that immediately catches her attention. The two of them leave through the sliding door, giving you and Harry privacy.

“Please, have a seat,” he gestures towards the sectional couch. “Would you like something to drink?”

“I’m good, thank you,” you smile at him as he sits in an armchair across you.

The interior of the house is quite cozy, kind of modern with a hint of vintage touches that make it less rigid, a pop of color showing at most corners so it’s not too monochrome. You quite like it.

“Y/N, I once again apologize for calling you at such an inappropriate hour, but I often work late and I wanted to get in touch with you as soon as possible upon hearing the news.”

“Don’t worry about it, I understand.”

“Isabelle mentioned it to me on Thursday that the other workers told her you no longer work at the daycare so I asked around a little yesterday and was informed that they let you go earlier in the week.”

“It was quite sudden for me as well,” you chuckle lightly, feeling a little anxious to talk about it.

“I know it’s not too appropriate, but I asked why they chose you to part ways with and I have to say it’s outraging that some parents are so ignorant and wayward. I’m really sorry this had to be the reason out of everything.”

“Thank you.” It actually feels nice that he thinks the same, this whole firing was ridiculous and you were losing hope in humanity, but Harry is now very much restoring it.

“Let me walk you through what the situation is here and what I was thinking about.” You nod and listen carefully. “I’m president of a record label and it consumes most of my time, I sometimes work sixty hours a week which I know is not ideal and healthy and I’m trying to change it, but it’s not an easy situation. I thought that putting Izzy into daycare was a good idea, but it’s been getting harder to work around her schedule as a single parent with so much work on my hands. Ruth is a family friend who has been helping tremendously with Izzy, but she is not getting any younger and she would like to retire fully and spend more time with her own grandkids. So I’ve been thinking about hiring a nanny for Izzy and try to make her days work around mine while I’m able to do that. She is going to start preschool in little over a year and I want to spend as much time with her as possible, but it’s not easy when the schedule depends on an institution. When she told me about your firing I had the thought that you might be interested in taking the spot as her nanny. She is obsessed with you, wouldn’t stop talking about what you do every day, and I might have also looked into your professional background. I like what I’ve seen and I’m very much into the way you’ve been dealing with the kids at the daycare. Openness is really important and I want Izzy to grow up in an environment that teaches her about being equal and supportive towards each other. I would be more than happy if you’d be the one taking care of Izzy while I’m not available.”

To say the east you’re stunned at how forward and open he was about the offer and his compliment about your professional background is quite flattering. You can tell he is doing an amazing job at raising Izzy as an open and accepting human, she was always one of the nicest and sweetest kids who always made sure to include all her peers in the games you played. And it’s obvious Harry is not just being a hypocrite, his tattooed arm, painted nails and ring clad fingers are not quite what you’d traditionally imagine a man like him wear, but he does it well and clearly doesn’t give a fuck what others might think about it.

Harry continues with how much he thought you’d be earning for the job and you almost choke on your own saliva. It’s almost three times as much as you’ve been earning at the daycare and you’d be able to save a good chunk every month which is quite amazing.

“I have to ask, were you thinking about a situation where I live with you or I’d have to be coming here every day?”

“Well, essentially it would be the easiest for everyone if you moved in. I have plenty of rooms you could choose from and you’d have access to everything else as well, of course, including the home gym, the pool, the sauna and the entertainment room. But I understand if you are not willing to make that commitment. If you choose to live here you wouldn’t be charged anything, naturally.”

This actually sounds like a dream, moving into this luxury mansion from your cramped little apartment and being able to save the money you’ve been paying on rent.

“And what would be the time management? If I moved in it would easily make me fall into a habit of always working, which is not quite ideal,” you point it out.

“Of course,” he nods. “I like to take care of her morning routine so you’d have to start around nine when I leave to the office. If we can make this deal working I’d like her to start taking some extra classes during the day, moving her activities earlier in the day so her afternoons would be free. She takes piano lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays, a swimming instructor comes here on Thursdays and she is taking French lessons every Tuesday and Friday. Everything takes place here, I would reschedule her activities to take place between nine and twelve. You wouldn’t have to worry about her during those times. You’d cover lunch time and then the afternoons. I try to get home between four and six and just work from home if it’s possible so I can be around her. You’d have to only help out whenever I can’t make it home in time I have urgent works that have to be done from home. We could have dinner time together and then her night time routine is my duty again. Ruth is willing to help me out on Saturdays and I spend Sundays with her strictly without any work distraction so you’d have the weekends off unless something comes up. In those cases I would check in with you beforehand and arrange it however it works best for you.”

You’re speechless for a moment. What he just shared doesn’t seem too bad, you might have to work a lot more, but being one on one with just one kid is much easier than dealing with fifteen of them at once. Not to mention that the money is still amazing compared to what you’d have to be doing.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s an amazing offer. Izzy is such a sweet girl, I would be more than happy to take care of her.”

Harry smiles at you warmly, clearly proud of his daughter, as he should be.

“Can I ask for some time to think about it? It would be a huge commitment.” “Of course. Take your time and let me know whatever your decision is.”

“Thank you.”

Harry offers a quick tour in the house regardless, the kitchen is massive, they have a nice dining area with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out to the green slopes of the backyard that seems to be Izzy’s kingdom. She has a playhouse that could almost function as a real one, the pool is filled with floaties for her and she has her own playground further in the back with slides, monkey bars and a swing set. Your assumptions were almost right about the number of bedrooms. Beside Harry’s master and Izzy’s own room there’s one that’s been used by Ruth, one that’s for Harry’s mother and sister for whenever they are staying over and there are three additional rooms now serving as guest bedrooms, one of those would be turned into your room if you chose to move in. The gym seems better than the one you’ve been going whenever you felt like being a little active, the entertainment room has everything you could ever think about for a room this sort of and the sauna is already calling your name. Living and working here might actually feel like a vacation.

“Miss Y/N! Look what I found!” Izzy runs up to you when you and Harry step out to the backyard, holding her pointing finger up. A ladybug is wandering around her tiny finger, not even bothering with the amazed girl that’s inspecting it.

“Wow! How many dots do you see on it?” you ask and she knits her eyebrows together, counting the black dots.

“Five!”

“Yes, good job!” you ruffle her curls as she smiles up at you proudly. She really is an angel, you’ve grown to like her a lot and you would be lying if you said you didn’t get emotional over thinking about never seeing her again. Being able to take care of her and give her the best possible childhood would be such a dream and the chance to do that is right in front of you.

“I’ll be waiting for your call, Y/N,” Harry smiles at you walking you towards the front door.

“Harry, I don’t think you need to do that,” you speak up and see his face fall, he obviously took it the wrong way, thinking that you want to say no to his offer.

“Oh…”

“It’s not that,” you chuckle softly. “I would love to take the job. And if you’re still okay with that, I’d like to move in, it would make everything just so much easier.”

You watch as his expression changes from disappointed to hopeful as he cracks a smile nodding.

“Yeah, the offer is still there. When do you think you can start?”

“How soon do you want to pull Izzy out of daycare?”

“As soon as possible. If I have to I can go in on Monday and do all the paperwork. You could move in sometime during the week maybe?”

“I have to talk to my landlord about my lease, but I’m fine with moving in during the week,” you nod smiling and you can’t help but feel excited.

“That would be wonderful. Thank you so much. I’m looking forward to working with you.”

You discuss a few more details and then you head out, thinking about how the next time you’ll be coming here, you’ll be moving in.

“If this one doesn’t go to the donate box, I’m leaving right now.”

Heather holds up a pair of denim shorts, painted in the colors of the flag of the States. She holds it pinched between her index finger and thumb as if it was something nasty and disgusting

“You know I only bought that for that stupid frat party. I never wore that anywhere else, so you can put it into the donate box.”

“Thank God!” she groans and throws the shorts into said box.

It’s Sunday evening and your place looks like a warzone, boxes taking up the place everywhere as you’re packing your life up to officially move into the Styles mansion. You agreed with Harry to bring over a good chunk of your stuff on Monday and then settle in for real on Tuesday. He is pulling Izzy out of daycare first thing on Monday and you’d stay at home with her for the first time on Wednesday. It’s been a fast paced change, but you couldn’t care less. With the amount Harry is gonna pay you, you’ll be able to save up a good chunk every month, like you always wanted to.

As you finish putting your books away you reach the shelves that contain all your photo albums. Photography has been your passion for a long time. It started as a simple hobby sometime through your freshman year in high school, but in senior year, your photos filled the yearbook and you even did the design of it too. You’ve had a few gigs since then, some weddings and pregnancy shoots and you like to sell your photos individually as well. You wouldn’t have imagined how much a simple nature photo costs.

Flipping through the one on the top, you can’t help the bitter smile on your face as you see the photos from your brother’s 14th birthday three years ago. There are tons of family pictures with you, your brother Trevor and your parents, seemingly being all happy and joyful. Things were different back then and you didn’t see anything coming.

It’s past midnight by the time you more or less finish packing, you’ve filled three big boxes with things to donate so you have significantly less stuff to move to the Styles mansion in the morning. Heather spends the night, but leaves early in the morning since she needs to go to work. The moving van you rented out arrives a little after eleven and the two guys from the moving company helps you load it with about two thirds of your stuff. Harry is at work when you arrive and Izzy is still at the daycare, Ruth is the only one at home, she helps you out even though you tell her not to break a sweat over it.

“Let me help, makes me feel needed,” she chuckles sweetly when you try to get her to stop, but she insists on bringing in some smaller bags and boxes.

You’re still unpacking when Ruth arrives back with Izzy a little after four. You hear her little feet tapping against the floor as she runs down the hallway, bursting into your future room.

“Miss Y/N! You’re here!” she cheers, throwing herself into your arms as you sit on the floor, being the perfect level for the little girl.

“I am! How was your day, little Sunshine?”

“We finger painted and I made a painting for daddy, do you want to see it?”

“Of course!”

Izzy disappears to get her backpack from Ruth who is making her some snacks in the kitchen. She soon returns with her painting, presenting it to you proudly.

“Look! This is me and this is daddy!” she points at the two human-like figures, the only thing giving away who is who is that one of them is bigger than the other one. “And then this is mommy!” she then adds, pointing at a star in the upper corner of the painting and you freeze.

In the midst of everything, you didn’t even have the time to question why Harry is a single parent. To be honest your first guess would have been divorce, but Izzy’s painting is telling you something a lot more tragic.

“It’s beautiful,” you smile at her, trying to hide your surprise at the new information. “I’m sure he’ll love it.”

Ruth makes sure Izzy is busy while you finish up unpacking and when you’re about to be done, Harry arrives home. Approaching your room even though the door is open he knocks on the doorframe, catching your attention.

“Hello, just wanted to see how things are going. Do you need help with anything? I’m sorry I couldn’t be here to help with the boxes and all…”

“Hi! Oh don’t worry about that, I had plenty of help,” you shrug smiling. “Everything is going fine, thank you.”

“Great. I did all the paperwork today, tomorrow is going to be Izzy’s last day at daycare. You’re still up to start on Wednesday, right?”

“Yeah, of course. I only have a few things left at home so I’ll be all set by tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much,” he smiles warmly. “And thank you for being so quick about everything. It means a lot to me that I can spend more time with Izzy thanks to you. I really appreciate it.”

“I should be thanking you the opportunity. I wasn’t really drowning in the job offers,” you chuckle making him smile as well. “Please let me know if you want me to change anything, I have a plan I would like to go around with Izzy’s days, but of course, your word is the most important.”

“I trust you to take good care of her during the day. The only thing I want is to have her home when I get home. Ruth couldn’t always pick her up before and I really hated to do the extra trip and pick her up from daycare instead of coming straight home to be with her.”

“Understandable. I’ll make sure to plan accordingly,” you nod smiling.

“Y/N, I want you to feel home as much as possible. This is your place just as much as it is ours now. Izzy and I go grocery shopping every Sunday, it’s kind of a father-daughter thing we do every week. We keep a list on the fridge, feel free to add whatever you need and we’ll get it.”

You can’t help the smile that stretches across your lips, because this is such a sweet thing to do, when Harry could easily afford someone to do the work for him. Yet he still uses this time to be with his daughter.

“Yeah, sure, thank you!”

“I’ll get out of your hair now. Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Oh, no, but thank you. I still have some things to take care of before tomorrow.”

“Alright,” he nods before walking out. He leaves you thinking hard about him. You wonder what really happened to Izzy’s mom and if he is dating someone right now. A man like him is basically a dream to any woman, you doubt he is having a hard time finding a partner, but you haven’t seen any sign of another woman around the house. Guess you’ll have to wait and figure it out yourself.

The apartment is awfully empty on your last night here. When you moved in about a year ago you didn’t think you’d be moving into a mansion from here. You spend the evening cleaning out a bit so you leave the place in good condition. Your landlord was terribly nice about your early leave, you could easily agree that you’d pay for the two more weeks that’s left from the month and that would be all, no extra costs for moving out before your lease was up.

You’re cleaning off the kitchen counter when your phone starts ringing, it’s a video call from your brother.

“Hey there! What’s up?” you ask, propping up the phone on top of the microwave while you move around, doing your thing. Trevor seems to be lying in bed, a black hoodie covering his upper body.

“Hello, just wanted to see how the moving has gone today.”

Despite the ten year age gap between you and Trevor, your relationship couldn’t be better. Probably because you were old enough to see what a blessing a sibling really is when he was born.

“Everything went smoothly. I only have a few stuff to bring over, that can fit into my car tomorrow, so it’s fine.”

“Cool. How is the dude? What was his name again?”

“Harry. Harry Styles.” You see him pull his laptop to his lap and probably searches up Harry’s name before his eyes widen at the screen.

“This dude is big! He is the president of HES Records, they run some of the most popular singers these days.”

“Yeah? I was sure he is a big name judging from his mansion,” you chuckle.

“Have you looked him up yet?”

“Not really.” “Want me to read what’s here about him?”

“Sure,” you hum, continuing to clean while you listen to Trevor.

“Alright. Apparently he is thirty-one, took over the record company when he was just twenty-five because his father wanted to retire early. The number of talents working under the label has doubled since he has taken over and many of his clients have won Grammy Awards. Impressive,” he hums, scrolling down on whatever site he has just found. “He is known to be a private person, the last time he made an appearance… Oh shit…” Trevor breathes out and you turn to your phone with furrowed eyebrows.

“What?”

“Wow, this shit is heavy. It says the last time he made a public appearance was in 2017, not long before his wife was killed in a car accident.”

You freeze, feeling your stomach drop to the floor, immediately thinking back at Izzy’s painting of her family. It very much makes sense why she said the star was her mother, it must be the way Harry explained to her what happened to her mother.

“It happened in 2018, she wasn’t in the fault, a drunk driver ignored the red light and ran into her car at a crossroad. This is terrible, oh God.”

“Poor Izzy, she probably doesn’t even know what really happened.”

“Must have been hard on him, there’s not much about him since then.”

“Can’t blame him for not wanting to be in the spotlight after losing his wife.”

“Yeah.”

Trevor shows you a few pictures of him from years ago, he has always been handsome, but your favorites are the few from the times when he had long hair. He looked so different, like a whole other person, but still, he rocked it perfectly.

Then you show Trevor around in the empty apartment before loving to the couch, turning all your attention to him.

“How have things been?” you ask with a sigh. Trevor purses his lips and shrugs.

“Other than the constant screaming matches on the phone and endless fights every time dad comes over for more of his stuff? Everything is rainbows and butterflies.”

“Is it really that bad?” you scowl.

“It’s like they never run out of stuff to throw at each other, but I feel like this much couldn’t happen even in their twenty-eight years together,” he scoffs making you chuckle.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle of all that.”

“It’s like payback,” he hums and you give him a puzzled look. “You had it bad growing up for being the surprise baby, making them teen parents. Then I came at a reasonable time, they already knew the drill, but now that you’re out of the house I’m getting all the shit, having to deal with their divorce.”

“I’m really sorry, Trev,” you sigh, feeling guilty that he is all alone at home.

“It’s fine, I don’t blame you,” he shrugs. “But you could make it better if you asked your millionaire boss if I could hang out at his house sometimes.” He grins at you slyly and you roll your eyes. Of course he is already thinking about using you for his own good!

“I don’t want to push the boundaries just yet, but I’ll see what I can do.”

You talk a little more about school and what he’s been up to with his friends before ending the call. You take a shower and go to bed right away, feeling extremely worn out from all the packing you’ve done through the day.

The next day you pack the remainder of your stuff into your car and then your landlord comes over to do a checkup, though he fully trusts you took good care of the place.

“Again, thank you for your understanding, I didn’t plan to leave so early, but it just kinda came up,” you tell him, handing him over your keys.

“Don’t worry about it. I hope your new place will treat you right,” he smiles kindly at you.

You chat a little longer before you leave and head over to your new home. Once again, Ruth is the only one home and being the angel that she is, she helps you to carry your stuff up from the car before leaving to get Izzy from daycare. Since there’s not much left to unpack you finish quite fast, leaving you some extra time alone in the house. Walking around you try to learn your way around, still finding it a bit of a maze. You find Harry’s home office’s door open and after a bit of hesitation you step inside, just taking a look around. Yeah, it’s kind of a nosy thing to do, but you couldn’t help yourself.

His space is quite clear, he keeps his stuff neatly organized. Certificates and plaques are hung up on the wall, showing off his many successes in the business. There’s a huge bookcase near his desk and there you see some family photos… ones that include his late wife as well.

She was beautiful. There’s a picture of the three of them in the hospital from the day Izzy was born, Harry has an arm around his wife’s shoulders who is holding baby Izzy, both of them radiating happiness as they just become parents. Your heart breaks when you see the photo next to it, it’s just Harry and her in Paris, the Eiffel tower standing tall behind them as they are grinning widely at each other, foreheads touching. Harry has his arms wrapped around her slim figure while she is hugging his neck. They look so happy and in love, like they were always meant to be with each other. Knowing what tragedy hit them is just hard to process even for you, who never even met the woman.

You hear the front door open and Izzy is laughing at something, so you rush out before anyone could catch you snooping around.

“Hi Miss Y/N!” she chirps upon seeing you when you meet them in the living room.

“Izzy, you don’t have to call me Miss Y/N, Y/N is perfectly fine,” you smile at her, caressing her rosy cheeks.

“Okay. Ruth, can I please have some ice-cream?”

“I’m afraid we ran out of ice-cream, but I’ll put it on your grocery list,” Ruth tells her, a pout tugging on Izzy’s lips.

“How about this: I’m gonna make a delicious smoothie, that’s almost like melted ice-cream, would you like some?” you offer and her eyes brighten up immediately, nodding right away.

While Ruth puts away Izzy’s things they brought home from daycare, while the two of you move to the kitchen to make the smoothie together. You find some frozen berries in the freezer and pair them with bananas, putting them all into the blender with oatmilk, blending it all together.

“How is it?” you ask Izzy, who is sitting on top of the counter, tasting the pink smoothie that leaves a cute little mustache above her cherry lips.

“I like it!” she smiles, scrunching her nose.

“We can make it some other time then,” you smile, drinking up your portion.

Izzy is dancing around the kitchen, babbling about her last day at daycare while you clean the glasses and the blender when Harry arrives. He is wearing a baby blue suit with a crispy dress shirt underneath, looking fashionable but still business appropriate at the same time.

“Daddy!” Izzy launches towards her daddy, who catches her, throwing her into the air before holding her in his arms, joining you in the kitchen.

“Hey baby. How was your day?”

“Good, all my friends hugged me but I told them we would meet in the park.”

“That’s right, and I have the number of all your friends’ parents, we can have playdates with them whenever you want to,” he smiles before his eyes meet yours. “Hi Y/N, everything went well with the rest of your moving?”

“Yeah, I’m all set,” you smile back at him.

“That’s great. I have a few calls to make, but I’ll be done in thirty probably. Would you mind looking out for Izzy in the meanwhile?”

“Of course. She promised me to take me around her room, so we could do that, what do you say?” you ask the little girl who nods in excitement.

Harry disappears in his office and Izzy pulls you to her room, showing you just about every toy she owns. Her room is a typical girl’s room, the walls are painted a light pink color, her bedframe resembles a castle and she has a dollhouse as big as your previous bathroom. Harry clearly spoils her rotten, but what you noticed is that she is not one of those annoying bratty only children who can’t take no. She was clearly taught how to behave and always listen to the adults.

While Izzy is putting her stuffed animals away after introducing you to all of them, you spot a photo frame near her bed, decorated with macaroni. You remember when you all did that together at daycare and now you get to see the photo that ended up behind the glass.

It’s a photo of Izzy and her mother, she was just a baby and doing quick math in your head you realize it must have been not long before her accident, might even be the last picture taken of the two of them. Her mom is smiling at the camera while Izzy is sleeping in her arms peacefully. Izzy looked a lot like her when she was a baby, the bridge of her nose and her lips resembled her mother’s, though now she appears to take more after her dad with her chocolate curls and piercing green eyes.

“That’s my mommy,” she tells you when she sees you looking at the photo.

“It’s a nice picture,” you smile at her, trying your best to hide how heartbroken you feel even just looking at the photo.

“Daddy said she had to go up to the sky, but she is watching me from there,” she explains, clearly not entirely sure what it means, but you can tell she misses her. “Daddy said she is living between the stars now and that she loves me very much.” You need to fight your tears back at her words.

“I’m sure of that too,” you breathe out smiling at her.

“Izzy, do you want to help me make dinner?” Harry walks in smiling, though it disappears for a moment when he sees the two of you looking at the photo of his wife, but he is quick to control himself.

“Yes! What are we making?” she runs over to him, jumping up and down.

“Uh, chicken and veggies.”

You step away from the photo, pretending like nothing just happened. You’re dying to discuss it with Harry, hear him talk about it, but you won’t push him. If he wants to share it, he’ll come to you.

“Alright, come on then,” he smiles down at her. “Thank you for watching her, I’ll take over from here. Food will be ready in about an hour, Ruth is staying with us as well,” he informs you.

“Great, I’ll… I’ll be in my room,” you nod.

The first two weeks on the job brush past smoothly. It takes you some time to get used to your new home, but taking care of Izzy doesn’t feel like work, so you’re feeling amazing in your new job. You easily fall into a schedule with her.

The mornings are always Harry’s duty. He wakes her up around seven-thirty, makes her breakfast and dresses her for the day before he leaves around nine. Thanks to this habit of his, you’re able to sleep in until eight, leaving you plenty of time to get ready for your day with Izzy before Harry has to leave. Depending on the weather, the two of you then either take over the back yard or move to her room for some play time before her class of the day starts in the noon. Piano with Rosaline on Mondays and Wednesdays, French lesson with Lyon on Tuesdays and Fridays and then Izzy’s favorite on Thursdays, swimming class with Kitty.

Izzy loves to help in the kitchen so you usually make lunch together. Once her tummy is full she takes a nap before you sit down to learn something new every day. You’ve been teaching her the numbers and the alphabet, or some days you just talk about anything that interests her and learn at least two things she hasn’t know yet, all through games so she doesn’t even realize what you’re doing. You’re usually done by around three, leaving you time to take a visit to the park, if Harry is not planning to take her himself later that day.

You’re strictly home by four, unless it’s Tuesday when she has her dance class until five. Those days you drive her to her class, run some quick errands and pick her up. Harry usually uses his extra time in the office on these days, but he is always home by six to have dinner together with his daughter.

Once Harry is home you’re off duty, though you like to stay close, not just in case something comes up for Harry, but because you genuinely like spending time with Izzy and Harry, seeing them interacting.

Harry sometimes has to work on Saturdays as well, but just as he promised Ruth is always here to take over duty on those days, leaving you free for the whole weekend. It’s been working perfectly for you and those very few concerns you had about moving in dissolve quite fast as soon as you start working.

Though it’s been pretty clear to you before, you now one hundred percent sure that Harry is living for his daughter. She is always a priority, he doesn’t hesitate to decline any work calls he gets in the evenings if Izzy needs him, if she is a little fussy and wants her daddy’s attention or when they are in the middle of a game. He is clearly trying to keep a balance between his work and role as a father and from what you’ve seen, it seems like he is doing an amazing job in that. However you haven’t learned much else about him. He is all friendly towards you, but makes sure to keep it business casual, not quite keen on getting to know each other better as just friends, maybe.

A Friday afternoon you’re having a little tea party in the backyard with Izzy when Harry arrives home, but this time, he is not alone. Through the sliding door you spot him with a blonde guy who is talking very articulately as Harry is typing on his phone. The man looks about Harry’s age, but you can’t tell if he is a friend or a business partner, but if Harry brought him home, he is more likely to be a friend of his.

“Uncle Niall!” Izzy gasps when he spots the man through the glass and abandoning the tea party, she starts running towards the door. The man spots her and slides the door open grinning widely before she jumps into his arms.

“Little bugger! How are ya?” the man laughs, holding Izzy in a tight hug before leaning back to take a good look at her. You notice his thick Irish accent and it suits his appearance quite well. You head inside as well, in case Harry needs Izzy busy for a little longer, though he doesn’t mind having her around, kissing the top of her head before finishing up whatever he was doing on his phone, watching Niall and Izzy smiling.

“I’m having a tea party with Y/N, wanna join?” Izzy invites the man, who then looks at you for the first time, smiling widely.

“Hi, I’m Y/N, Izzy’s new nanny,” you introduce yourself, holding out a hand that he shakes, keeping Izzy in his other arm without a problem.

“Nice to meet ya, I’m Niall.”

“Y/N, Niall is an old friend of mine. He is joining us for dinner, hope you don’t mind,” Harry informs you and you find it funny how he is kind of asking for your approval when it’s his house.

“Not at all.”

“Harry has told me he hired a pair of new hands to help, but he didn’t mention it’s a stunning young woman!” Niall beams, making you blush right away.

“Ni, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to pick up my daughter’s new nanny,” Harry warns him lightly, though there’s some firmness in his tone, not that it scares Niall in any way, he even winks at you.

“Oh come on, you can’t expect me not to flirt when you surround yourself with so many pretty women! First Ruth and now Y/N!”

You smile at him, something is telling you he wasn’t joking and he tried to flirt with Ruth as well. Harry just rolls his eyes at his friend, taking Izzy from him.

“Keep it in your pants, Niall,” Harry tells him and though it’s nothing vulgar, it catches Izzy’s attention.

“What should he keep in his pants?” she questions, making your and Harry’s eyes grow big right away. Luckily, Niall keeps his cool and takes care of the situation.

“My attitude, Sweetie. Your daddy is just jealous because I’m more handsome than he is,” he smirks at the little girl, successfully avoiding an awkward conversation about what it is that Niall should keep in his pants.

You smile at his reply, even though you are not that sure about the comparison he just made between himself and Harry.

“Izzy, do you want to continue the tea party?” you ask her and even though just a minute ago she was inviting Niall to join her, now she shakes her head no. “Alright, I’ll pack it up then.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ll do it, right Izzy? She brought it all out, she is going to be the one packing it up,” Harry reminds her and she nods.

The two of them move outside to put her little tea set back into the basket she keeps it in, leaving you and Niall alone.

“So Y/N, how did you end up here?”

“I was working at Izzy’s daycare, but they sent me away not long ago. Then Harry contacted me and offered the job which was a lifesaver, truly.”

“That’s great! Well, not that you got fired, but that you ended up here. I know it means a lot for Harry that he can spend more time with Izzy, you’re making everything a lot easier for him.” Niall walks over into the kitchen and grabs a water for himself as he leans against the counter. “I can see that he is a lot more relaxed now already.”

“Really?” you ask, surprised.

“Yeah. I know he always used to stress about picking Izzy up, or forgetting something the daycare asked for. Now he can make it all work just how he wants to, that fits him a lot more. It hasn’t been easy on him since Maggie’s death.”

This is the first time you hear anyone talk about Harry’s wife and now you just learned her name. Maggie.

“Being a single parents is never easy,” you add with a soft smile, not wanting to interrogate Niall about Maggie. It’s Harry’s place to tell you about her, if he wants to, of course.

Soon enough Izzy and Harry take over the kitchen, Niall helping them this time and you leave them alone, taking some time for yourself in your room. Later you go out to check if there’s anything you could help with, Harry asks you to set the table as he finishes up the cooking.

“So, Y/N. Tell me a little bit about yourself!” Niall asks you over dinner.

“Um, what do you want to know?” you ask, feeling a little flustered to be in the spotlight.

“I don’t know, family, friends, hobbies?”

“Well, I have a younger brother, Trevor. He is seventeen and already taller than me.”

“Oh, that seems like a big age gap.”

“Ten years, to be exact,” you nod. “He was planned, I wasn’t,” you add with a soft chuckle. “But we have a great relationship, so it’s all good. We talk almost every day.”

“I’m sure you’ll get well along with Gemma then!” Niall beams, glancing at Harry.

“Gemma is my sister,” Harry explains. “Though she is not that much older than me.”

“But you can bond over being stuck with a younger brother who outgrew you,” Niall jokes making all three of you laugh.

All through dinner you realize how different Niall is from Harry, but in a good way. While Harry is more quiet and calm, Niall is kind of all over the place, buzzing and chatting every chance he got, but the two of them make a great pair, bringing what the other doesn’t have to the table.

After dinner you attempt to leave them again, but Niall makes you stay as they open a glass of wine. Harry puts on a movie for Izzy to keep her busy, giving the three of you a chance to sit out at the terrace from where you still can keep an eye on the little girl inside.

“Alright, Y/N. When are we going on our first date then?” Niall asks out of the blue, a cocky smile tugging on his lips.

“Niall, for fuck’s sake,” Harry breathes out as you let out an awkward chuckle.

“What? I think there’s some electricity going on between us.”

“I, uhh—I don’t…”

“Please don’t turn me down!” he sighs dramatically, making you smile.

“You’ve been great company, but I’m not sure we should go out,” you tell him. He huffs in disappointment, but it’s clear he didn’t take it to his heart.

“Is it because you’re taken? I didn’t even ask, are you dating anyone? You can’t be engaged, because I don’t see any rings,” he points out, nodding towards your naked fingers, however his words make you suck on your breath.

“I’m not engaged. Not anymore,” you admit and you watch their eyes go wide at the information.

“Wait, you’ve been engaged before?” Harry asks, clearly surprised, if not shocked.

“Yeah. For about four months,” you nod, running your tongue over your lips as you reach for your wine, taking a few large gulps.

“And what did the fucker do?” Niall bluntly questions, earning a look from Harry. “What? I’m just curious what twat it takes to lose a woman like her!”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about that,” Harry presses, but you shrug.

“It’s not a secret. We dated for about two years before he proposed. I said yes, started planning the wedding and everything, then found out that he had been cheating on me with his assistant for about a year. We broke up, simple as that. It’s in the past, happened a year ago.”

“That’s some next level asshole bullshit,” Niall shakes his head while Harry is just staring at you with an unreadable look before he turns his attention at his glass, still clearly deep in his thoughts and you wonder what he thinks of you now. Here is the loser who not only got cheated on, but lost her job, all of that just in one year.

Harry doesn’t react, and a moment later Izzy comes out because she is thirsty, so daddy duties call him away. Niall stays a little, but heads home soon as well.

“It was nice meeting you, Y/N. The date still stands though,” he smirks when he pulls back from the short hug he enveloped you in.

“Alright,” you chuckle, slowly getting used to his flirty act.

You was the wine glasses and head back to your room while Harry walks Niall out and then takes Izzy upstairs to give her a bath. You don’t cross paths until later when you leave your room, already in your pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt to grab some water for yourself and he walks out of Izzy’s room just then, probably done with putting her to sleep.

“I’m sorry if Niall made you uncomfortable, he didn’t mean to be rude or anything,” he apologizes as the two of you walk together.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” you chuckle softly. “It was kind of a boost to my ego, if I’m being honest.”

Harry huffs with a smile and stops at the kitchen island, his fingers tapping on his lips as you grab yourself a bottled water.

“I’m… I’m sorry about… about what you told us earlier.”

Closing the fridge you look at him, seeing that he is kind of hesitant, like he is not sure he should have spoken up, but you appreciate the thought.

“It’s alright. Just water under the bridge,” you shrug.

“I just feel bad you had to go through that.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” you chuckle softly. “It sucked, yeah. I really thought I would live happily ever after with Keith, but instead I got a lesson.”

“A lesson?”

“When we broke up I was obviously on the floor, both literal and theoretical way. I thought it was my fault, that I did something wrong and that’s why he did what he did. I even thought that I’m not worthy of being loved and being in love again. Took me time to realize that no matter what happened, I still deserve to be happy and to find someone to love and who can love me back.”

It appears that your words touch him deep, staring back at you, he just nods shortly, not replying to anything you just said. You’re not sure he is so silent because he doesn’t really understand what you just talked about or if it hit too close to home. Whatever it is, he keeps it to himself.

“Good night, Harry,” you smile at him before walking out of the kitchen and up into your room.

You’re lying in bed already when you hear him open his room’s door and then close it and suddenly he is all you can think about. The way his eyes sometimes pierce down on you, the way he taps his fingers against his lips when he is thinking hard or the proud smile that always plasters across his face whenever he is watching Izzy do basically anything. But you do see some pain in those beautiful green eyes of his and your desire to take just the smallest fracture of it away grows, even though he is not showing any sign that he is willing to share it with you.

The next morning, despite having the day off, you wake up quite early. You toss and turn, try to fall back asleep a little longer, but you just can’t. It’s a nice, warm morning and you decide to take advantage of the little balcony attached to your room. Wrapping yourself in your fluffy robe you grab the book you started reading a few days ago and sit out, enjoying the morning Sun that’s shining right at you on the balcony.

You don’t even realize for a while that you’re not the only early riser. When your eyes wander down to the big oak tree that’s near Izzy’s playground, you spot Harry doing what appears to be yoga on a green mattress, wearing nothing else, just a pair of black shorts. No shirt.

For a moment you think about going inside, feeling like you’re invading his privacy in a way, but you have the right to enjoy the morning Sun on your balcony, it’s not your fault he decided to have yoga at the exact same time. And it’s just hard not to look at his shirtless body stretching in all directions, twisting and turning as he goes through the motions, his tattooed body on full display.

It’s been clear since the moment you laid eyes on him for the first time that Harry is probably the most beautiful man you’ve ever met and that includes all your exes. Paired with his kind of mysterious charisma and the way he takes care of his daughter, he is the whole package, but you have been busy with Izzy to dwell too long on how attractive he really is. But right now, you are not working and he is very much shirtless in the backyard, teasing you with thoughts you definitely shouldn’t be thinking about when it comes to your boss.

A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you let yourself watch him just for a few more minutes before heading back inside, not wanting to get busted for being a stalker and also not wanting to see him in more positions and have even more unholy thoughts about him.

But what you don’t know is that just as you step inside, Harry catches your figure disappearing in your room, knowing well you saw him too.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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[heniareth]

I am exhausted and having Thoughts(TM) about Zevran dealing with the Crows, and you're gonna get to hear about it (under the cut bc it's long):

First of all, I doubt he has a fully-fledged plan. Planning has, in his own words, never been his strongest suit, and I think we can take him at face value for that. This has the big big huge advantage that he can be very flexible and adap quickly to any mishap on the road. Grandmaster won't ally with him? No problem, he can just kill them. Nothing depended on that Grandmaster's collaboration (although it certainly would've been nice to have it). Zevran can allow himself to be unpredictable, he's good at being unpredictable, and I'm positive it drives the Crows mad as they scramble to try and figure out his next move.

In that vein, was there ever a day where he woke up and decided he had to take the Crows down? Or did it rather start with keeping their assassins off his back, maybe getting some revenge, and then snowballed into something bigger until he found himself taking the whole organization apart? I really don't know

In Antiva, he finds allies in people that have been holding a grudge against the Crows for whatever reason, and among those people are even some Crow assassins

But, but, imagine him establishing contacts (and profitable ones at that) with the local street urchins

Kids that weren't pretty or fast or smart enough to catch the Crows' attention, or who otherwise managed to escape the Crows' recruiters. Kids that know their city like the back of their hands and have survivied amidst the worst it has to offer. Why, suddenly Zevran has very inconspicuous eyes and ears in every public place in the city

I bet some days his only plan for the day is hitting the pavement and seeing what his kids (they are his because they are his coworkers) have been able to dig up. And then he takes it from there

Also, no more getting robbed blind after almost drowning in a river

Also also, imagine Zevran going to auctions where children are being sold and just outbidding the Crow representative that nobody dares to go against. He's got an alias and a disguise complete with a fake mustache. It's foolproof!! (Just kidding, he'd take the utmost care so that this shenanigan can't be traced back to him. Maybe he even disguises as a member from a rivaling Crow cell and now the Crow representative pins all the blame on that rivaling Crow cell and there are fights! And it was all Zevran!)

If romanced (and if the Warden has survived), he writes to his Warden and tells them about the kids. He tries his best to find safe places for these kids, to help them when they need it, and maybe he asks his Warden if they could adopt some of them?

At the same time, would he try and break some Crow recruits out of wherever they are being kept? Street urchins are already difficult to handle at times. Crow recruits have daggers and knowledge about poisons on top of that. They also have a whole lot of gruesomeness, ruthless competition, manipulation and a whole arsenal pent-up rage and fear. And Zevran is a Crow, but at the same time he's not; perfect target for a previous recruit lashing out. I get the feeling it would be a bit like handling explosives; it either goes very well or very, very poorly. Not to mention what would happen to those recruits if they absconded and then got recaptured by the Crows

But at the same time, Zevran probably remembers every recruit that died during his training, and damnit he can't let these kids die as well

So maybe it's a "get them out and get them away" kind of deal? I'm sure Isabela would help. Maybe the Crows aren't as keen to hunt people down on sea as they are on land? Idk

Another thing: Rinna might've had family (either blood relatives or found family) and friends outside of the Crows

Taliesen probably wouldn't. As far as I know, he came from a shipwreck and also doesn't seems like the type to cultivate close relationships with commoners

But what a storytelling opportunity. Zevran running into the one person who also loved Rinna. Zevran helping them, or them trying to take revenge only to learn Zevran's half of the story. Zevran gets to apologize. There might be no forgiveness, but maybe?? Maybe it's an opportunity to make sure Rinna's loved ones are safe, since he couldn't make sure she was

ANYWAYS, on a lighter note. You know who also hears and sees a lot? Prostitutes

Zevran, who has been raised in a brothel, who has been called "whoreson" often enough to almost recognise it as a name, frequenting brothels and taverns and getting to hear all about the things his former fellow assassins try to work out in the bedroom with these women. Learning about debts, favors owned, partnerships and rivalries, all the little social networks that make up the common ranks of the guild. It's a treasure trove of information

Alternatively, one day he desperately needs a place where to hide, lay low, or where he can stitch himself back together after a particularly close call. These women have come to know him as one of their own. He's helped them get rid of unwanted clients and claim money that had been withheld. Now they can return the favor

If he's particularly lucky, he might catch a former companion in one of those very brothels. Or, if he's very, very lucky (because secrecy is one of the most prized virtues by the Crows), he might get to hear about a whole mission a group is trying to hash out. He could then warn the target, get to them before the Crows do, surprise the group at the mission site, the possibilities are endless!

By the way: I'm convinced there's more than one rich family for which the Crows are a thorn in their side (be it because of blackmail, a grudge because house Arainai killed the head of the family a few years back (Zevran prudently does not tell them that it was most likely him who did the deed) or bc the Crows seized that very promising vinyard back in the provinces). Anyway, I'm just saying that Zevran needs resources as well as allies. A sufficiently disgrutled rich family could be ideal business partners

Or screw that, just plain having somebody on their side who is not afraid to take on the Crows can be invaluable for these rich families. They'd love a partnership even without personal grudges

Zev would have to be careful not to simply become this family's pet assassin though. He's not here to secure their second daughter's prosperous marriage. But if the Crows happened to interfere with said marriage... now that is something they could talk about

This is how Zevran finds himself attending several exquisitely fancy events in the appropriate eveningwear, shadowing a very suspicious fellow in a wide-brimmed hat and wishing he could've brought his Warden along as a plus one. He makes sure to hire somebody to provide a detailed sketch of the outfit after the fact. It suits him so very well and he couldn't deprive his Warden of such a vision

Tbh there are so many things he wants to show them about Antiva

And he misses his Warden so very much :(

Tbh, I don't know how much time he spends dismantling the Crows or how thorough he is about it, but... maybe Antiva will never be safe for him anymore. And by extension, not for his Warden either. There will always be somebody who's lost everything when the Crows fell, and if the Crows haven't fallen and Zevran is now up top, a Grandmaster or, Maker forbid, the big boss I forgot the title... If kings can be assassinated, I'm pretty sure the head of a guild of assassins can be as well. What I'm trying to say is that people are going to be out to harm Zevran for a long time

So, to recap: short visits? No problem. A cottage somewhere in the Provinces or a beach house near the sea? Should be safe. But living in Antiva city? That sounds very complicated to me, sadly (very sadly. Antiva is the perfect place to retire if you look past the assassins. Warm climate, the sea, lots of fruits and sun, what more could you want?) Please please if you have another opinion let me know (about any of this, really)

But! The Warden must visit Antiva. That is final. However and whenever, they will get to know Zevran's home city because it's so important to him (seriously, judging by the way he talks about Antiva, it’s really, really important to him. He loves that place!)

And that brings me to my last thought: the Warden is still a Grey Warden, but also the Hero of Ferelden, and in Antiva on some sort of official Warden business. They are accompanying the local Warden-Commander as they give the Hero of Ferelden a tour. Suddenly something catches the Hero's eye (or ear). Maybe it's a whistled tune. Maybe it's the shimmer of sunlight on fair hair against dark skin. Maybe it's a smile or a laugh coming from a person the Warden has never seen in their life, but that's Zevran's laugh (or smile)!

It is, of course, Zevran in disguise, and he's just as happily surprised as his Warden

But oh! they cannot be seen together in public lest the Crows should suspect something! And Zevran will not put his Warden in danger. So he sends a message. Probably through one of the urchins. An elvhen kid, about 8 years old, two front teeth missing, runs up to the Warden and demands coin in exchange for the message. It's a simple instruction: "Light your window red tonight". The handwriting and the -Z. signature clearly identify the sender. And so the Warden impatiently awaits the night. When it is finally, finally dark, they light a lantern, place it behind a piece of red cloth, and set it on the windowsill

Zevran has no trouble letting himself in: through a window, scaling heights he possibly shouldn't be scaling. Or dressed as a servant, bringing refreshments to the Warden's quarters

And, yeah, they're both very happy to see each other

Okay, I'm done now. Time to release my thoughts into the wild. Additions to this are more than welcome btw